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Self care isn’t always fun, relaxing and enjoyable. Sometimes self care means finally doing the dirty dishes even though they’re gross and you’re exhausted. Sometimes self care means taking a proper shower for the first time in a week even though it’s a struggle. Sometimes self care means prepping meals even though you don’t enjoy cooking. Sometimes self care means going for that run even though you’d rather sleep. Sometimes self care is boring. Sometimes self care is hard. Sometimes practicing self care is about doing the things you feel the least like doing but which you need to do anyways. There’s nothing wrong with bubble baths, Netflix, snacks and sleeping in but sometimes self care is about doing what you NEED to do and not what you WANT to do - and it’s important to find a balance between doing things that will satisfy you in the moment and doing things which your future self will thank you for.

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Self-care Cheat Sheet - a guide for people who can’t do exactly what they’re supposed to

Exercise:

If you can, go to the gym or go for a run or a bike ride. I know you don’t feel like it, but you’ll feel better afterwards both physically and mentally.

If you can’t go to the gym, exercise in your room. Maybe follow a simple Youtube video or do some exercises you know well with whatever tools you have - and if that’s all too hard, simply move a bit to some of your favorite songs for a while.

If you can’t go for a run, go for a walk. Take your headphones on and listen to music or a podcast while walking to make it less boring, or maybe bring one of your friends! It doesn’t have to be a long walk. Even if you’re only outside for 10 minutes the fresh air and movement will do you good and clear your mind.

If you can’t go for a walk or exercise otherwise, stand up and do some stretches and walk around your room for a little while. Your body will appreciate a break from sitting at your desk or lying in your bed even if it’s a short one.

If you can’t move that much, just open your window and enjoy some fresh air.

Personal hygiene:

If you can take a shower (even though it’s hard!), do it. You will feel so much better when your hair is not greasy and when you aren’t smelly and sweaty. If you can force the energy, it will be worth the effort.

If you can’t do a full shower routine, simply step into the shower and wash your crotch, ass and armpits. Forget about your hair and forget about shaving. Just quickly wash the most smelly parts. You’ll feel a lot better afterwards.

If you can’t take a shower, wipe your crotch, ass and armpits with wet wipes and then apply deodorant and dry shampoo. It’ll take the worst of the smell and will make you look and feel significantly cleaner.

If you can’t clean yourself at all, at least change out of your dirty clothes and put something comfortable and clean on. It’ll help you feel better.

Dental hygiene:

If you can, brush your teeth for 2 minutes twice a day. I know it’s hard to find the energy and the motivation, but you need to do everything in your power to take care of your teeth. They won’t care whether you have a good reason not to brush them and dental care is often expensive.

Doing it once a day is not a failure and is still a whole lot better than not brushing them! But if you struggle to brush as often as recommended, I recommend investing in an electric toothbrush to make each brushing more effective.

If you can’t brush your teeth for two minutes, brush them for 1 minute or 30 seconds. A short brushing is also still a lot better than nothing!

If you don’t like tooth paste, brushing your teeth without it is still better than not brushing them.

If you don’t like the texture of the tooth brush, look into tooth brushes for kids or surgical tooth brushes which are a lot softer.

If you can’t brush your teeth at all, use a wet wash cloth whenever you can to gently wipe the worst plague build up off your teeth.

If you can’t do that, invest in some mouth wash and gurgle it once a day or buy some of the gum which helps cleaning your teeth and keeping your breath fresh.

If you currently don’t have the energy to do anything for your teeth, at least try to limit your soda and sugar intake so that your lack of brushing won’t be too dangerous.

Eating:

If you can, cook a proper meal. Your body will appreciate you for providing it with the energy it needs to function optimally. If cooking is boring, put on a podcast, a show or some music - or maybe call or invite a friend.

If you can’t cook and you can afford it, order some takeaway. It may feel like a waste of money, but feeding yourself is never a waste and you will feel better once your body gets some nutrients. It doesn’t even have to be the healthiest option. Any food is better than no food.

If you can’t cook or order takeaway, make something very simple. A boring sandwich or instant noodles or a toast will provide you with some energy even if it isn’t that fun or enjoyable to eat.

If you can’t make a sandwich, just eat some bread or some deli meats or maybe some fruit or vegetables separately. You don’t have to actually make the sandwich in order for the meal to count.

If you can’t make a sandwich, eat whatever you have. An apple is better than nothing. A couple slices of cheese are better than nothing. An old chocolate bar is still a lot better than nothing. A dry slice of bread isn’t fun to eat but it is STILL better than nothing. So is a bag of chips.

If you can’t make yourself eat just anything, eat whatever you have (or are able of acquiring and capable of eating). Yes, even if it’s chocolate or ice cream or chips. It’s good to eat healthy when you can, but when it’s a question between not eating at all or eating something unhealthy, unhealthy food always beats an empty stomach. Yes, even if it’s the same things you ate yesterday and the day before.

If you consistently struggle to get enough food down, look into meal replacement shakes/bars and dietary supplements of various kinds. Maybe get some blood work done by your doctor to see what vitamins your diet might be lacking.

(If you have a friend, a partner or a family member who you know likes cooking or who you know has a lot of money don’t be afraid to ask them for help. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind bringing you some leftovers, cooking for you or borrowing you some money for something you’d actually be able to eat if you’re out of other options.)

Sleeping:

If you’re tired and you can, go to bed. Especially if it’s late. Especially if you’re feeling particularly unwell. You cannot function optimally if you do not get a decent amount of sleep, so instead of staying up all night feeling shitty about yourself, put your phone down and get some rest.

If you can’t go to bed, have a nap. Set a timer for when you need to get back on track and allow yourself some rest. You do not have to power through the whole day just because you technically could. It’s okay to take 20 minutes or two hours to catch up on sleep if you’re feeling exhausted, especially if you didn’t get enough sleep last night.

If you can’t sleep at all, just lie down and close your eyes and rest for as long as you can. Studies have shown that even if you don’t sleep, lying down and letting your body and brain rest for a while helps you a lot. If it’s too boring, put on a podcast or music or something. But lie down. Close your eyes. Allow yourself to do nothing.

If you can’t sleep at all for several days, see a doctor and look into options for medical treatment. Sleep is important and if you consistently can’t get any, you need to act on it and try out various treatment options.

Socializing and connecting:

If you can, invite a friend, a partner, a family member, an acquaintance or anyone you like over. Have a nice talk with them or simply do something together. You may feel like isolating yourself is easier, but us humans are social beings and most of us need regular social interaction to thrive. (Maybe ask for a hug if you want one, physical contact can help a lot on your mood!)

If you live with someone, spend some time with them. Even if they’re not your favorite person and you’re not that close, having a conversation about something superficial is still a lot better than having no conversations. Who knows - maybe they can actually be pretty good company if you take the time to talk to them for more than two minutes! If talking is too hard, maybe ask them to play a game or watch a movie with you - or simply spend some time in the same room as them while doing your separate things. (Obviously you can disregard this tip if you live with toxic or abusive people!)

If you live alone and can’t get anyone to come over right now, give someone a call. Video chat if phone calls make you too anxious.

If that is too much, send someone you care about a text/message. Ask them what they’re doing. Tell them that you miss them. While talking to someone online or through texts isn’t exactly the same as actually talking to them, it will still help remind you that you aren’t alone and that there’s people who care about you.

If you don’t know who to text and don’t have a lot of friends, look into what opportunities you have for meeting new people. Maybe there’s a discord server for people who you have something important in common with. Maybe there’s a support group for people with the same mental or physical health issues as you nearby. Maybe you can find some lessons or meet ups for people who share your interests. Look into it.

If you need to talk to someone, anyone, don’t be afraid to reach out. Call that help line. Text that person you miss. Send an ask or a DM to that tumblr blogger you like. I promise you that even if you aren’t close to a lot of people right now, someone will be willing to listen and care. You just have to reach out.

(If you have a pet, cuddle it and play with it! Physical affection is physical affection regardless of whether it’s coming from a human or a dog. Friendship is still friendship if the two beings sharing it aren’t from the same species!)

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ADHD awareness month. Comic about my mental health and how labels and diagnosis have helped me better navigate my brain.

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If a person can't get out of bed, something is making them exhausted. If a student isn't writing papers, there's some aspect of the assignment they can't do without help. If an employee misses deadlines constantly, something is making organization and deadline-meeting difficult. Even if a person is actively choosing to self-sabotage, there's a reason for it - some fear they're working through, some need not being met, a lack of self-esteem being expressed.

People do not choose to fail or disappoint. No one wants to feel incapable, apathetic, or ineffective. If you look at a person's action (or inaction) and see only laziness, you are missing key details. There is always an explanation. There are always barriers. Just because you can't see them, or don't view them as legitimate, doesn't mean they're not there. Look harder.

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this was a great read. “Laziness Does Not Exist” by Devon Price

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one of the hardest things to learn as a depressed former Gifted Kid™ is that half-assed is better than nothing. take the 50%, 40%, even 20% job. scrubbing your face is better than not taking a shower at all. picking up your clothes is better than never cleaning. nibbling on some bread is better than starving.

DO THINGS HALFWAY. NOW YOU’RE 100% BETTER OFF THAN YOU WERE BEFORE.

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Get Stuff Done! ADHD Edition

You know all those post-it notes that populate your world? I figured out a great way to get all of those things DONE. - I know someone else may have thought of it already, but oh well :)

Step 1: Write all the things you need to do on your sticky note

Step 2: On the back, write a number (these are points)

Step 3: Every time you do a task, take down the note and collect your points

Step 4: Once you collect enough points (10, 20, 50) cash them in for a treat! Make it fun! ADHD brains love fun!

If I want my afternoon cappuccino, I must collect 15 points.

Remember, keep it simple. Don’t just write “clean the house”. Try smaller pieces like “empty the dishwasher” and “take out trash”.

**This can be for anyone, not just ADHD folks. That’s simply who I had in mind writing this post. Enjoy!

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The most valuable thing I learned doing a Masters degree with depression, anxiety and ADHD was to change my “things I’m bad at” list to “things I can’t do on my own.” Stop thinking of them as things I could do if I tried hard enough, and accept that I can’t accomplish them by effort and willpower alone; they’re genuine neurocognitive deficits, and if I need to do the thing, then just like a blind person reading or a mobility impaired person going up a storey in a building, I need to find a different method.

I’m “bad at” working on long-term projects without an imminent deadline or someone breathing down my neck? Okay, let’s change that: I can’t work on long-term projects without an imminent deadline and someone breathing down my neck. So let’s create an imminent deadline and recruit neck-breathers. Find a sympathetic prof who will agree that 3 weeks before the due date they expect me to show them my preliminary notes and bibliography. Get a friend I trust to block off an hour to sit with me and keep asking, “Are you working on your project?” Write a blog post about my progress. Arrange to trade papers and proofread them with another student.

Accept your limitations and learn to leverage them, instead of buying the neurotypical fairytale that they’ll go away if you just try hard enough.

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If you struggle with anxiety, overwhelm, or just plain feeling like a failure, I have a mantra for you that’s been really helping me out lately:

Just show up.

I used to skip class because the whole thing was so overwhelming: I had to get dressed in something clean even though I never had the energy to do laundry, walk to school, sit in class for up to three hours, plus pay attention, take notes, and participate in discussion. In reality, I was being a perfectionist, and life would have been a lot easier for me if I had Just Shown Up. By staying home because of my depression and anxiety, I wasn’t giving myself the chance to do any of that. I was such a perfectionist that being a “bad” or average student was unthinkable, so I stopped being a student at all.

If you’re having trouble getting something done, Just Show Up. You don’t have to be employee of the month. You don’t have to be valedictorian. Just Show Up.

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cleaning with ADHD is a nightmare. it’s an endless cycle of finding a half-finished chore and stopping the one you were already working on, then remembering that something else needs to be done and getting started on that, then finding half-finished chore and

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Adhd really is like... bedroom is slightly messy it would be nice to tidy it some

bedroom is very messy I really should tidy up

bedroom is chaotic I NEED to tidy but my brain says no. Why. Whyyy.

I guess I’ll just have to watch where I step in here for the rest of my life. The mess is everywhere. I’m one with the mess.

A sudden Need to Clean™ makes you get the room looking like some fancy homes magazine cover, and you think “I’ll never ever let it get that bad again, and then...

bedroom is slightly messy (uh oh)

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My cat helps me remember to put stuff away! I can't leave clutter on certain flat surfaces around my home because those are places the cat likes to sit.

By Yash Pandit

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Self-Discipline Isn’t Always the Answer

So I wasn’t really taught to brush my teeth every day as a kid. So I didn’t. I got to be an adult and realized “hmm teeth are expensive I need to start brushing them” and brushing my teeth twice a day has been on my actual to do list every single day of my college career. It’s a habit I needed to build.

Have I successfully done it? Absolutely not. I’m pretty good about doing it at least once a day, but some days it just doesn’t happen. It’s not that I forget usually, I just had some aversion I couldn’t figure out, until last week.

I’m at the grocery store, in the toothpaste aisle with my roommate, and I complain about how much I hate mint. I FUCKING HATE THE TASTE OF MINT. The taste and the smell, any kind of minty thing in any form, I HATE IT. But literally every “adult” toothpaste in the aisle was some type of minty disgusting nonsense. And my roommate was like “you know you could like get kids’ toothpaste? You like bubblegum right?”

And y’all, it was like the clouds parted. I got some strawberry bubblegum kids’ toothpaste. I brushed my teeth with it and it was a whole new experience. I have successfully brushed twice a day every day since, because the mental block I had towards it is gone! 

I thought my lack of brushing was just a moral failing on my part; I was too lazy, too undisciplined, to build a good habit. But really? I just hate the taste of mint so much I didn’t want to brush my teeth.

This made me realize that when presented with a change you want to make, a habit you want to build, if you’re encountering resistance in yourself, you should lean into that resistance and really investigate what’s causing it, then work on accommodating that. 

Say you hate washing dishes so they pile up and then you’re overwhelmed by how many you have to do. Why do you hate it? Deep down, what about it do you dislike? Is touching wet food super gross for you? Try thick rubber gloves while you’re washing. Does the sound of dishing clanking together grate your nerves? Do them with headphones in and turned up loud. Do you hate the smell? Light some candles, spray some air freshener. 

Do these things instead of gritting your teeth and forcing yourself, then ultimately failing and getting discouraged by your “lack of self-discipline”

TL;DR: When a task is consistently hard for you, relying on self-discipline, forcing yourself, and gritting through doesn’t always work. Lean in and listen to your discomfort, and find what makes the task hard, then try to accommodate that. Also, mint toothpaste is gross.

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Thwarting Executive Dysfunction

You’re sitting on the couch thinking about a task you need to perform, but your brain just won’t let you do it.

Me: “I need a shower.”

Brain: “No, that sounds entirely uninteresting. Let’s just keep sitting here instead.”

If you keep thinking about the task you need to do, but your brain won’t let you get on with it, the best thing to do is redirect. Pick a different task, an easier task, a more interesting task.

Me: “Ok, no shower. Let’s drink some water/brush our teeth/wash the dishes/start some laundry instead.”

Brain: “That does sound better than getting in the shower. Okay, let’s do it.”

Once you have some momentum going, it’s much easier to keep going. When you hit a stopping point in your chosen task, reevaluate the original thing you were stuck on.

Me: “Dishes are done. While we’re up and moving, let’s get a quick shower!”

Brain: “Uuugh, fine, I guess.”

Another option is to break down the task into smaller bits.

Brain: “No shower.”

Me: “Okay, let’s just go get undressed.”

Brain: “We can do that.”

Me: “Now let’s turn on the shower.”

Brain: “That’s fine.”

Me: “Now let’s get in the shower.”

Brain: “We are already undressed and the shower’s running. We might as well.”

These have been really helpful coping techniques for me. I hope someone else can use them too.

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Tbh the best way I manage my adhd to keep my room clean is to just. Have baskets/bins everywhere. A dirty laundry basket and a not-quite-dirty-I-can-wear-this-again laundry basket (both within throwing distance of where I normally dress and undress), a snacks basket by my chair, a bowl by the door for pins/rings/bracelets, multiple trashcans in strategic locations, etc

When things have a place to go, and that place is conveniently located near where I would otherwise drop the things, I can take advantage of the principle of Might As Well because putting it in the Correct place takes exactly as much energy as it would to just drop it wherever

“Might as well put this in the trashcan that’s two feet away from me,” “Might as well drop this shirt in the laundry basket by my feet,” “Might as well put the bag of chips back into the snack basket next to my chair,” etc etc etc

Doesn’t help with everything (there are currently several things around my room that could probably be put away) but it does help with the big offenders like clothes and trash

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I’ve been trying this out and it’s been quite helpful 🤗

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weird little brain tweak/reframing that helped me out. i Often find that advice that seemingly helps Everyone Else doesn’t make any sense to me, in ways that are hard to describe, and it can be really frustrating. but when i find a way to explain it to myself that finally seems to break through and make it click, it feels really good