#it’s the only way they can grow and get the nourishment they need . and also they are fuel for my fire

[5unrider]

me, turning all of my swtor blorbos into characters in the fictional universe that exists inside my head:

[endlessthxxghts]

What You Need

no outbreak!neighbor!joel miller x afab!reader || W/C: ≈6.3k

Summary: You come home from a horribly stressful day at University to everything in your family home a complete mess only for you to take care of. Joel helps you and gives you exactly what you need.

Warnings: SUUUPER self indulgent (sorry guys - it makes for a good plot tho, so i’m not all that sorry <3). no use of “y/n”, age gap (22/42), LATINO JOEL MILLER (idc what anyone says, he needs a warning), established relationship, no physical descriptions of reader, pet names (darlin’, sweet girl, pretty girl, princess, etc.), reader “takes care of everyone but who takes care of her” plot, more porn than plot lol, [SMUT 18+ MDNI] daddy kink, sir kink, heavy on the D/s dynamic (reader falls into subspace), cockwarming, unprotected piv (don’t be like these 2 idiots), breeding kink, cum eating, creampie, finger fucking, finger sucking (briefly), choking, hair pulling, brief thoughts about anal, overstimulation/multiple orgasms, hickeys/marking kink, squirting!, toy use, fluffy ending… i think that’s it?? (dear lord pls forgive me, for i have sinned)  if i missed anything, lmk pls!

Quick lil author’s note (see bottom for extended a/n): In all honesty, I wanna dedicate this (nasty) little one shot to @javierpena-inatacvest because if it wasn’t for our interactions as of late plus reading your “It’s Never Too Late” fic, I never would’ve said fuck it and just start writing with the intention of potentially showing it to the world. Thank you for inspiring me. You’re amazing & I literally love u so so much. You deserve phenomenal head all the love in the world for everything you do <3.

MAIN MASTERLIST || ONESHOT COLLECTION

It was a long day at university today, as per usual, but something about today completely drained you. 

You went to bed past midnight last night because you were busy finishing up a paper, only to get up at 7am the next morning to spend the next 13 hours juggling between classes, assignments, and studying in your “free” time. By the time you were ready to head back home, you were on your very last thread, begging to snap. You also completely spaced on nourishing your body today, the only thing running through it being water and coffee — lots of coffee. 

That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that the minute you entered your family home, the entire house was an absolute mess, your pets weren’t given their food yet, and no dinner was made. And just like every other day since you grew into an acceptable height to reach the kitchen stove, you took care of it. All of it. 

You were so grateful to your family for allowing you to stay at home during your undergraduate years. It makes your in-state tuition even cheaper, and you get the comfort of your own bed. You knew not many people could rely on their parents and family like this, so you don’t want to sound selfish when you think about how you really wish you had your own place right about now. 

It’s been an hour and a half since you've been home, and you’re barely finishing up getting the food for your dogs when your phone dings in your back pocket. 

Didn’t text me when you got home, baby. Everything okay?

It was from Joel. The neighbor directly across from you, and a quickly growing family friend of yours. Your heart both saddens at the fact that you forgot your unspoken ritual, but it swells at the way he can read you. 

It all began at a small family party last year. You were 21 at the time, and for some reason you could not take your eyes off of your neighbor — who was 20 years your senior. It was always just shared glances or you bringing baked goods from your stress-baking endeavors, but at that party, there was a good period of time where your entire family went outside to the bonfire in the backyard to drink until their hearts gave out, leaving you with the dishes and a trashed house to clean. Joel noticed this, how much they relied on you. Whether it was coming over for a beer with your brothers or your father, or to fix an appliance for your older sister, they always walked all over you — when you did absolutely everything for them. So, he took matters into his own hands and went inside to help you clean up. 

You insisted he didn’t need to, but you knew he wouldn’t let up. So, there, you two worked, harmoniously, straightening up your home in half the time it would normally take you by yourself. The second you completed the last task, you reached for the remote and plopped yourself on the couch, half expecting Joel to go back outside with your family. Except, he plopped himself on the couch right next to you with the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen, “What are we watchin’, darlin’?” 

“You know you could’ve stayed outside with everyone else, Miller,” you say as you turn your body to him with an eyebrow quirked up. He matches your expression, “Well, where’s the fun in that?” 

You break into a breathy little giggle, satisfied with his comeback, and you turn on the TV. With your family completely occupied outside, it was easy for either of you to make a move. And although Joel had been planning to for the last few months before this party, you took matters into your own hands and lifted his arm closest to you, tucked yourself into his side and pulled his arm back around your body. He looked down at you, smirking at your boldness while your eyes remained fixed on the movie before you. 

The next few hours of the night were filled with secret caresses and stolen kisses, and you have never felt more loved and appreciated in your life. From then on, you’ve been absolutely smitten with him, and he with you. 

Instead of replying, you dial him instead. Not even a third ring goes by before he answers, “Baby.” 

“Oh my god, hi, baby, I’m so sorry. I completely spaced. The minute I got home, the house was a mess, the dogs weren’t fed yet, dinner wasn’t even cooked, and I-”

“Mi amor,” he says with a deep breath, implicitly telling you to take one, “it’s okay, baby. I don’t wanna hear sorry from you. I’m sorry everythin’ is a mess, baby. Can I help? Need me to come over?”

Your rapid heart rate immediately starts to slow at how calming, ready and willing he is to give you anything you need. Your family would go absolutely insane if Joel just showed up right now with the sole intention of helping you take care of the home and yourself, but you don’t mention that. “No, baby, I promise I’m okay. I just need to relax. I need-” you pause for a moment to take another breath because you feel your body going panicky again. “I need…honestly, I just need you.” 

After the shitty day you’ve had today, having to take control of every single thing, honestly all you really want, and need, right now is for your control to be taken away. You don’t want to think, you don’t want to decide, and you don’t even want to figure out your dinner even though you haven’t eaten all day. 

He pauses for a moment, hearing the slight whine at your last statement. And just like that, Joel is at your rescue. “You need me, huh, babygirl?” 

“Mhm, please.” 

“Cross the street, darlin’, right now,” and he hangs up the phone. 

You bolt out of your seat, and sprint straight to the front door, quickly locking it. You think to say something on the Ring camera, letting your family know you’ll be back, but you know they won’t even think twice at your absence. You already cleaned the house and took care of the animals they begged for but don’t care for — why else would they look for you? 

Just in case they do check the cameras, however, you immediately veer to the left side of your driveway into the blind spots of your front door. 

Within seconds, you’re at his door about to knock, but he’s already opening the door, whispering a soft hi followed by your name, and pulling you into a tight embrace. He pulls you away for a second, assessing your face, assessing your needs. He sees your brows pulled together, eyes glossed over, and a pout beginning to form. You don’t need soft and comforting. You need stern, dominating control. You need nothing but pure bliss, and he’s going to give that to you. But first: 

“Safe words. Repeat em’.” 

“Red for hard stop, yellow if I’m starting to get uncomfortable, and green to keep going.” 

“That’s my girl,” he says and finally pulls you in for that rough, all-consuming kiss you’ve been craving. It’s a battle of teeth and tongue, and obviously he wins. His hands are roughly sliding down to the underside of your asscheeks, tightly pulling you into his hardening bulge. You reach up to wrap your arms around his neck, but pause for a moment because he never gave you permission to. He senses that, and pulls back for just a moment. “Such a good fuckin’ girl for me. Go ‘head, baby, touch me.” 

You immediately bring your arms back up to grab ahold of him but too riled up in how he’s making you feel, you don’t notice the huge grumble your empty tummy makes. He pulls both your wrists back from his neck and puts an insufferable amount of space between you two. 

He says your name, filled with both concern and slight anger. “When was the last time you ate?” 

Silence. 

He lets go of your wrist and grabs your chin between his pointer and thumb, forcing you to meet his eyes. “I’m not askin’ again, baby.”

“Y-yesterday night,” you stumble out. 

“I’m not givin’ you a heavy meal ‘cause that’ll just upset your stomach, but I am fixin’ you somethin’. Go upstairs, change into the clothes on the bed, come back down and position yourself on the ottoman, like I taught ya last week, hm?”

Too enamored by his roughly smooth voice, all you can muster up is a nod. His eyebrow barely shifts, but that’s all a warning you need. “Yes, sir.” 

Padding up into his room, already feeling your insides start to float, you reach the edge of his bed to see a pair of black cheeky boxers, and a thin, fitted black tee. You quickly strip off everything you arrived here in and slip on the garments he gave you. Wasting no time, you head back down in a bee line to the ottoman. 

Like I taught ya last week, hm?

His words echo in your mind as you begin to recall last week’s endeavors. 

You were straddling his lap for a while now, slowly swallowing each other’s moans and making every part of each other’s body ingrained into your memories. Until suddenly he pulls back, eyes dead set with intention. “You trust me, baby?”

“Always, Joel,” you say back with as stern a voice as possible, confused as to why he’d ask such a thing. “Can I teach you somethin’, then, darlin’?”

You pull him into one more kiss before you breathily tell him yes and pull yourself off his lap to stand before him, fully at his disposal. 

He stands up, and without any verbal indications, he’s grabbing onto you and molding your body onto the ottoman in a position that begins to drift you off into subspace. You don’t know if it’s the fact that you're sitting on your knees with your legs tucked under you, or if it’s the slow drag of his hands caressing your inner thighs, pulling them farther apart from each other. Or maybe it’s the way he softly places your hands, palms up, atop of your thighs. Whatever the hell it is, you absolutely fucking love it. 

He feels you melting into every little touch he makes and he notes every little moment you slip further and further into your space. “Doin’ okay, my sweet girl?” he asks, voice dark and sweet. 

All you can pull out of yourself is a pathetic little whine and a head nod. 

“This is position number one. Remember it. We’ll learn more later, but this’ll do just fine for a while, baby.”

And with that, he kisses you ever so softly but with such a dominating, addictive energy that you feel yourself try to push up into him, and immediately he pulls away. 

“Sweet girl, Imma let it slide this time, but you do not move from this position unless given permission. Ya hear?”

You return to your original position and assure him how good you’ll be, “Won’t happen again, daddy, I promise.”

His jaw clenches at the honorific; that’s your number one tell that signifies you’ve completely submitted and fallen into subspace. He had originally planned on giving you what you asked for two days ago — “Please, Joel, I need you to fuck me, hard.” — but seeing you all docile and ready for him just makes him want to absolutely praise you in the most beautiful ways possible. 

So that’s what he did. For hours. An hour of bending you over the ottoman to eat your pussy like a man who had all the time in the world, an hour of fingering orgasm after orgasm out of you while his mouth switched between licking and marking your tits, and a few hours after that just slowly fucking you into his mattress, caressing and loving on every single part of your body he could reach. 

Let’s just say, your family didn’t see you for the rest of that day or the next, and you did not care one fucking bit. 

You shuffle onto the ottoman, your form now perfected after secretly practicing each night to increase your endurance of staying in such a position for however long Joel needed you to. 

You wait for about five more minutes before he comes back with a platter of all of your favorite fruits — strawberries, mangoes, and pineapple — and sits on the cushioned seat right in front of you. He melts at how good you sit for him, immediately disregarding his original plan and wanting you as close to him as possible. 

“My good, beautiful girl,” he says softly, in a way that you’re not sure if it was even meant for you to hear, but you still melt nonetheless. “Come,” he says as he pats his lap while setting the plate off to the table beside him. 

You shoot up like a lightning bolt, too excited at the thought of being able to feel him again, but before you can climb up, he grabs your hips, stopping you for a second. He slides his fingers into the hem of your underwear and slowly slides them completely off of you, setting them neatly on the ottoman behind you. He slowly reaches for his belt, then slides it off, letting it fall somewhere on the ground. You stand completely still, patiently waiting for whatever he’s going to give you, although your pussy is proving anything but patient. 

He undoes the button and zipper of his jeans and signals for you to come up. “Take me out, cariño.”

You climb up on his thighs, not fully straddling him to give yourself some room to tug his jeans and boxers down enough to pull him free. You pull him free with a small moan escaping your lips, wanting to dart your tongue out and lick his angry tip, but he didn’t give his permission for that. So, you begrudgingly let him go, and wait for what comes next. 

“Here’s what’s gonna happen,” he states nonchalantly as if his dick isn’t absolutely begging for you to reach out and grab it. “You’re gonna sit on my cock, keep me nice and warm. Without moving. Only until you’ve eaten all the fruit on this plate will I think about what’s gonna happen next. Got it?”

Your voice trembles, “Y-yes, sir.” 

He nods his head, while bringing his hand up to your mouth, signaling for you to let your drool fall. You scoot closer and lift your hips up while he pumps himself a few times to completely cover himself in your spit. With how much your cunt is dripping, you knew his lewd act was for his benefit and his only. 

The second his tip catches at your entrance, you can’t control the high-pitch whine that falls from your mouth, and he can’t stop himself from gripping your hips with a bruising force in an attempt to keep from mercilessly pounding up into you right here. 

“So f-fucking full,” you breath out as you sink lower and lower, to which he nearly growls with a strained, “So fucking tight.”

You finally bottom out, and you both take a moment to breathe and settle any impulsive thoughts of forgetting the purpose of tonight’s scene. You shift a little to adjust to settle your legs more comfortably at his sides, while he leans over to bring your plate of fruit closer. Both your actions together make you hiss in desperation.

“Color, baby?”

“Green, sir, green,” you promise him.

He smiles, genuine and bright, before his face goes dark and smug again. He picks up a piece of pineapple with his fingers. “Open.”

You lean in and take the sweet fruit from his fingers, making sure to lick any residual of the pineapple’s sweet juices. This goes on until you’ve finished every last piece he cut for you. Towards the last few pieces, your pussy was absolutely drenching his cock with your slick, both your thighs and his soaked. He could feel every pulse and every flutter, and no matter how patient he usually was, something in the air tonight was testing every ounce of his strength. 

He sets the plate aside and licks a mix of fruit juices and your spit clean off his fingers. You watch him, completely entranced by the way his tongue wraps around his thick fingers, and you can’t help but feel such an aching need to throw yourself at him. 

So you do. And to your surprise, he allows it. You pull both his arms to wrap around your middle and you push yourself into him for a searing kiss, whimpering for him to slip you his tongue. He indulges, and you immediately begin grinding your hips down onto his cock. He growls and wraps his arms tighter around you, adding more pressure into your grind, forcing you to break the kiss to regain your breath. “Fuck, baby. Such an impatient little one, aren’t ya?” He rasps out. 

Your hips move faster at his words, trying to will yourself to say something, anything, but you can’t. He notices your effort. “It’s okay, I’ve got you, baby, hm?”

And with that — with the notion that he’ll take care of you with anything you need — you completely fall. “Y- yes,” you moan out, “Da- fuck- daddy’s got me.”

Ah, there she is. Daddy’s girl. His back straightens so he’s towering over you more. He grabs your jaw tightly while you continue to pleasure yourself on his dick, forcing you to hold his stare. “Oh, sweet girl, daddy’s always gonna give ya what ya need. Promise, baby. Now be the good little girl I know you are and cum for me.”

You can feel him meet every movement of your hips, coaxing your high out of you faster than you realize. The wet, squelch your pussy makes every time you suck him in is enough to make him release his load, but he won’t. Not until you’ve came more times than ever before, not until you’re left completely fucked dumb. 

He snakes his hand down to the front, reaching for your clit, using his thumb to make mind-numbing, calculated circles. Your back arches at the sensation, head thrown back, and he brings his other free hand to the back of your neck to pull you closer into him. He ravishes your neck all over, sucking and biting all your weak spots, your pulse points, only to run his tongue over it in soothing motions, getting even more worked up at the marks that’ll form tomorrow. Then, he rips your shirt right in half, letting it fall to the ground. So much for makin’ you change, he thinks. He brings his mouth lower and lower, sucking one of your nipples in between his teeth, throwing you over the edge.

Your vision goes white, your entire body goes rigid, and your pussy uncontrollably flutters around his dick as he peppers your neck and chest with more kisses while you come back down. 

Your body is now soft and pliant, fully ready for whatever more Joel is going to give you. Your head is still high up in the clouds, and it will be for a while, but he always knows how to take care of you. You feel him slowly lift you off his dick and you hear him groan as he looks down. 

“God fucking damn, doll, look at you all over me. Such a fuckin’ mess.”

Your face heats up immediately, “I- I’m sorry, daddy, I-”

He grabs your jaw again and pulls you in for a sloppy kiss, all teeth and tongue. He pulls away bringing your bottom lip with him until he lets go, letting it fall back into place, now wet with his spit. “Don’t fuckin’ apologize for that. You made daddy so proud, baby. So much so that you’re gonna do it again for me,” he says as he squeezes your ass cheek. 

You squeak out a gasp and a breathy please. He stands up and makes his way to his bedroom with you still wrapped around him like a koala. 

Immediately he throws you on the bed, and before you’re able to scramble up towards the pillows, he’s already pushing you up by the thighs and kneeling between your spread legs. 

He releases one thigh for a quick second and holds his hand out, “Pillow, baby.” It takes your blissed mind one moment to register, but as soon as it does, you don’t waste a second, grabbing the pillow next to your head and eagerly handing it to him. He takes the pillow and taps your thigh twice, signaling for you to lift up. He secures the pillow under your hips then brings both his large hands back to the underside of your thighs, pushing your legs up so you’re nearly folded in half, giving him complete access to your dripping heat. 

If there’s one thing about Joel Miller, it’s that he loves to make a fucking mess. You thought your first sensation would be one flat lick up your cunt, but instead you feel warmth. Wet and warm and everywhere, and finally you realize, he let his mouth fill with spit only to absolutely drench you with it. Once he’s satisfied with his mess only then does he dive into you like a man starved. Licking and pushing into your slit while the tip of his nose rubs against your clit has you climaxing in an instant, your back arching and your hips lifting as much as they can with the weight of his hands on your thighs keeping you in place. 

He lets one hand slowly slide off your thigh and up your belly until he reaches one of your tits, switching between grabbing your entire breast and pinching your nipple. He continues to lick at you and circle your clit with his tongue until you’re a complete whining mess from the overstimulation. “Daddy, please,” you moan. 

He lifts his head, eyes as black as ever, “I’ve got you, princess, you can take it.” He reluctantly breaks away from your cunt and kisses his way up your body, taking his time with sloppy, open mouthed kisses near your hip bone and your sternum, knowing those areas drive you crazy the most. He makes sure to bite a little extra hard in some areas on his journey up, knowing you love to admire all the marks and bruises he makes on you. 

He sucks another bruise right underneath your jaw, making you push up into him more, while his hands continue to wander and grasp every part of your body that he can. Finally he reaches your mouth and gives you a sweet, long kiss to your mouth, distracting you enough that you don’t see him reach for the vibrator in the nightstand beside the bed. You feel him slide his hand back down your body, but you still don’t realize the vibrator’s presence until you feel the buzz directly on your clit. 

Out of pure reaction, your hand flies to the nape of his neck and tugs sharply, all while obscenities fall pathetically from your mouth, “Oh- f-fuck, daddy, yes! J-just like that, please, please don’t stop…” The quick-paced, blinding pleasure builds so fast it cuts off your dirty mouth and reduces you down to moans and gasps and whines of daddy, daddy, daddy. 

He slips two fingers into your pussy, sliding in with so much ease with how wet you are from a combination of your cream and his spit, all while he uses his other hand to push the vibrator into your bundle of nerves. 

You don’t know whether it has been one minute or one hour of this, but all you know is that you’ve got sweat lining your forehead, beading down your body, and you absolutely can’t take the buzzing pleasure with the constant come-here motion with his fingers anymore, you have to let go. Although this time, it feels different than the rest of the times Joel has made you cum. This time… this time it feels like- you have to pee? 

Immediately you start to panic and try to break away from his hold, unable to allow yourself to fucking pee all over him. “Daddy, wait! Please stop.. it- it feels different, like I.. I think I’m gonna pee..” you gasp, trying to articulate your thoughts while he continues his torture on your cunt. 

His eyes go wide and it immediately registers for him, “Fuck, baby, don’t worry about that, just let go. Come on, daddy’s got you. You trust me?” 

You hesitate for a moment, but still, you know the answer, “Y-yes, daddy.” 

“Good, my princess. Cum for me, fuckin’ soak me. I told you I wanted another fuckin’ mess,” he demands and fucks you even harder with his fingers and increases the pressure of the vibrator. 

You all but scream, definitely sure the neighbors can hear you, but you don’t give a fuck with the fireworks erupting behind your eyes and all throughout your body. Your body is still convulsing and you’re sure you’ve gone unconscious for a moment, but what brings you back to the Earth is the feeling of a warm, flat tongue licking you all over, cleaning you up. Then another sensation hits you: your bottom half is completely fucking drenched. You muster up all the strength you can to open your eyes and look down to see what’s going on. 

You see your big, broad man licking you up so sweetly, but from his mouth down he is also absolutely soaked, down to the collar of his dark green shirt he was wearing. 

Holy fuck. You fucking squirted. That was new. And with Joel’s reaction to it, you’re definitely sure that’s not gonna be the last time he pulls that out of you. 

He doesn’t realize you’re up again until you’re softly calling his attention back up to you and not your pussy. He makes eye contact with you, and his eyes fucking sparkle. Yeah, there’s no way this was a one time kind of thing. He sits back up on his haunches and strips himself of his shirt. He never pulled his jeans back up from when you used him to get off in the living room, so his dick has been patiently waiting for attention since your last two orgasms. 

He strips himself completely at the bottom half, too, leaving you with a perfect view of his toned chest, softer middle, and bulging arms and shoulders. Your cunt, all used and abused, fucking clenches on nothing at the naked sight of him. Of course, he fucking notices. 

“Oh, my poor baby. She’s just fuckin’ beggin’ to be filled, huh?” His southern drawl always intensifies whenever he gets spurred on like this. And, fuck, if it doesn’t make you fold more than you already do. 

You whine at his words and spread your legs even wider for him to see what’s rightfully his. 

“Just beggin’ to get pumped full of my fuckin’ cum, huh, princess? Is that what she wants? That what my babygirl wants?” 

“Please, daddy! Yes, that’s what I- what I need, daddy… need you ins- fuck- need you inside, daddy,” you ramble out, already fucked stupid but still begging for more. He situates himself on top of you, stopping your begging with a harsh kiss that leaves your already swollen lips throbbing. “Shhh, I’m gonna give you what you need, darlin’,” and he kisses you one more time as he begins to notch his tip at your entrance. 

He hooks his arm underneath your knee, hiking your one leg up higher to open you completely. You feel him start to push in deeper, and neither of you can help the initial gasp of how good it feels to be consumed by one another. He leans down again to kiss you, unable to get enough of your lips on his, and you bring your hand back up to the back of his head, keeping him close to you, feeling the exact same way. 

He completely bottoms out into you then, his breathing labored and you, a whimpering mess. No matter how many times you two have fucked, his sheer size always makes you feel like it’s the first time. He stays still to let you get used to the feeling again. You both lay there for a few minutes, kissing and consuming each other’s breaths and moans while he gives you rhythmic little grinds to stimulate your clit. Your pussy is sobbing at this point, enough wetness has accumulated that he’s able to slide right out until just the tip is in you and he pushes right back in, hard. 

He fucks you hard, maintaining this rhythm for a while, completely consumed by the way you wrap around him so perfectly. What started off as one leg hiked up around him turned into a complete mating press, giving you the maximum sensation of his length and girth pumping in and out of you. He always gets so foul-mouthed whenever you two end up in this position, not that you’d ever complain because you love hearing that rough, sexy Southern drawl utter absolute filth that only your ears will ever get to hear. 

“Fuck, darlin’, it’s like she was fuckin’ made for me. Wrapped around my cock, so fucking tight and warm. I could spend fuckin’ forever here wrapped up in your tight fuckin’ cunt,” he groans. 

“All for you, daddy, always,” you respond, purposefully squeezing your pussy tight in time with your words. That drives him absolutely fucking crazy that he pulls his arm upwards in between your legs that are resting on his torso and brings his hand up to wrap around your throat. “Say it again,” he growls, “tell me who the fuck this pussy belongs to, baby.” He squeezes the sides of your neck tighter, creating an even lighter sensation in your head coupled with the submissive daze you’ve been in since you got here. 

“F-fuck, d-daddy- shit,” you can’t focus on anything but the way he feels wrapped around your neck while balls deep inside of you. 

“Darlin’ girl,” he warns, “don’t make me repeat myself.”

You sob out, willing your body to respond to him, willing your body to obey, “Th- this pussy belongs t- to-“ you take a breath, “to you, daddy, only you. Forever.” 

He releases your throat and pulls your legs down from the mating press, wrapping them around his waist instead. He places one hand at the back of your head and the other on the headboard, then kisses you furiously before breaking away, “God damn f-fuckin’ right, princess. All fuckin’ mine to do whatever I fuckin’ want.” And with that, he’s slamming into you, his hand on the headboard in a (wasted) attempt to save the wall from the constant banging. 

“Touch that pretty little clit, princess,” he breathes out, chasing his own release now with the sole intention of marking you with his seed. One hand still on his neck, the other snakes down to rub your clit in fast, messy circles, your body begging to cum for a fourth time tonight. “Daddy,” you whine out again, the honorific clearly being your only vocabulary for tonight. 

“I know, honey, I know,” he coos, “Cum for me, mama, and I’ll fill you up right fuckin’ now,” he sucks on your bottom lip, “You want that, baby? To be pumped full of me?” He knows your answer, yet he still asks anyway knowing how much his words affect you. 

“Please, God, yes, fill me up… I need your cum so fucking badly, I need to feel you, please,” you beg, only spurring him on more. 

With both of your mouths spilling such dirty words, his lips anywhere they can reach with the combination of you playing with your clit and him pounding into you, your body enters the astral plane yet again for the fourth time tonight. Though, this time, you force your body to come back down, so you can feel his warmth spill into you. 

It only takes but a few more thrusts after you climax for him to follow suit, roaring out as hot, thick ropes of cum spill into you, overflowing and dripping out of your sore cunt. He slowly pulls out, labored breathing, sits back up and just watches. Watches as your pussy clenches to keep him locked inside of you, watches as his load drips down your folds over your tight, little asshole. Another day, he thinks to himself with a smirk. 

He doesn’t even realize what he’s doing until his fingers are engrossed in the thick combination of your releases. You moan out at the sensitivity of your pussy, but Joel doesn’t care. He slips his middle and ring finger in, feeling just how much he filled you up. And before you know it, he’s pumping in and out of you yet again, his eyes completely focused on your glistening sex, hitting that spongy spot inside of you that has you fluttering for another fucking release. 

“Ahh,” you hiss, not knowing whether you want him to stop or keep going. He uses his other hand to rub on your clit. Fuck. Yeah, okay, you want him to keep going. “Shit, daddy, I’m gonna cum again,” you say as you scramble to get ahold of the bedsheets. 

Joel’s gaze breaks away from your cunt to look at you, he smirks like the devil, “Oh, yeah, honey? Gonna give me another one? Come on, baby, I know you have it in you,” he slips a third finger inside. You whine at the stretch. “One more mess, baby, and then I’ll take care of you, I gotcha,” he says for comfort. 

You’re nearing the point where you guys usually begin to transition into aftercare, and he knows. He always knows. But he also knows that today you need a little extra push, so he gives it to you. 

The thrusts of his fingers don’t come to a stop, but they exponentially slow. “Give me a color, mi amor,” he softly encourages. Even with your erratic breathing, you’re able to force out, “Oh my god, daddy, green, green, green, please go faster, just like before, please-” 

He quickly leans forward and stops your blabbering with a chaste kiss and chuckles when he pulls back, “My god, I love you so much, princess.” Then his fingers pick back up to the speed you were so desperately loving before, his and your cum leaking out all over the inside of your thighs. 

“Fuck, daddy, I love you so fucking much, fuck, thank you, thank you,” you cry out. A few more pumps and a few more circles to your clit and you’re cumming for the fifth (and final) time tonight. Joel groans at the way you finish on his fingers, and it’s his mouth that blabbers out this time.

“Shit, baby, yes, soak my fuckin’ fingers, let me feel you, fuck-” He’s so enthralled at the sight before him, he doesn’t hear you pleading for him to stop pushing in and out until the honorific fades, “Baby, baby, baby,” you frantically breathe. 

He makes eye contact with you again and realizes how caught up he was in you. “Oh, darlin’, shit, I’m sorry, mi amor. What’s your color, baby? Fuck, I’m sorry-” 

It’s you this time who forces your entire wobbly body to push up and meet him in a bruising kiss. “Stop, daddy,” you say with a lilt in your tone, signaling to Joel that you’re back from subspace. You smirk, “My color is green, cowboy, but I really need you to run me a warm bath now because I can’t move a single muscle with how you had me, baby,” and pull him in once more for another kiss. 

His smugness returns and he pushes you back down on his bed, peppering your face and neck with kisses, forcing sweet out-of-breath giggles from you. “That, I can do, baby. May I join you?”

Your face completely softens, your stresses and worries from the last 24 hours completely nonexistent. “I’d be mad if you didn’t, Miller.” 

The next hour and a half — or until the bath water becomes tepid — is spent with him cherishing your body, washing you with your lavender, oat milk body wash you love so much, ultimately just helping you softly come down from your oxytocin high. 

You’ve never felt more loved, appreciated, or taken care of in your life. He always makes sure your come down is smooth and unnoticeable as you fall from a blissed state of mind to one of pure love and adoration. As long as you have him in your life, you truly believe you have all of what you need. 

As he’s drying your body up and slipping you into one of his t-shirts, your stomach growls… loudly. 

“Darlin’...” 

You pull away from his grasp, jokingly rolling your eyes while smirking, “Yeah, yeah, Miller. Come on. Gotta fill me up again, don’tcha, cowboy?” 

“Jesus Christ,” he breathes out followed by your name, “Tryna put me in an early fuckin’ grave or what?”

Author’s note - extended: Hi guys! I birthed this little one shot on a Friday night while sippin’ on a glass of whiskey and stressing about the stressful entire week I just had. This isn’t my first time writing, in general, but this is my first time writing with the intention of truly producing a story out of it.. this is also my first story I’m posting, so I’m very nervous. Even if just one other person reads this and enjoys it, that’s all that matters to me <3 I also wanna give a quick thank you to my bestie, who’s an AVID smut reader, for proofreading this. She said, and I quote, “gotta change my panties” and “she’s growling” after reading this LMAOO. So, thank you for that, bestie. I love you with my whole heart.

As with any fic, reblog and comments are very much appreciated!! All feedback is appreciated, too!!! Please do let me know how you liked this, and if there's anything specific I could work to improve, I'd love to know! I hope I did okay for my first actual attempt at smut.

Much love to everyone! <3

.

EDIT: As of the new year 2024, I no longer do taglists!! Follow @endlessthxxghtsnotifs and turn on the notifications to be updated when new stories come out!!

[pearlprincess02]

scorpio sun, pisces moon, sagittarius rising, scorpio mercury, sagittarius venus

scorpio sun: is a night fixed water sign. a deep and complex sign, both its symbol and its glyph represent the scorpion, its stinger suggesting the potentially stinging nature of scorpio. scorpio represents transformation, depth, emotions, intensity, passion. also represent phoenix, a symbol of rebirth. scorpio is seen as magnetic, powerful, private and sometimes intimidating to others. scorpio is a sign that wants to see through the soul of a person, wants to see and understand the dark sides of a person. scorpio will always want to see the ugly side of a person. scorpio is a sign that is quite individual and likes to focus on a single person. what is also known about scorpio is that it gives each person a different kind of love. scorpio is a sign that has difficulty trusting and has trust issues, as it often feels that people will betray it. therefore, scorpios usually have a small circle of people and only those they really trust. scorpio can also be possessive, jealous and wants to have you all to himself. when a scorpio loves, he loves with all his heart. scorpio will give you his soul and heart. scoprio will sacrifice a lot for the people he loves. but if you betray his love, he will never forgive you. scorpio is also a sign that takes a long time to let go of a person and get over them.

pisces moon: you are too giving, humanitarian, charitable, selfless or not enough. you might take care or help out every close friend, acquaintances or stranger, but NOT your own family members, loved ones or your partner. so try to put that in check. you might be undereating or eat foods that don't nourish your body. again, substance overuse can be present in subtle ways, such as drinking too much coffee in the day.

sagittarius rising: ok legsss fr tho they have stallion legs, also likes the finer things in life and will probably get them because they’re lucky in life and blessed, really funny placement and someone you want to have around all the time to do fun shit with, carefree for the most part but they have certain triggers that they’ll cause a fit over, usually hates commitment (depending on other aspects and planets) because they don’t want to be tied down or have a loss of freedom

scorpio mercury: your thinking is above all intense, deep (you always delve into things and evaluate them from all possible angles). a lot of times you think like the fbi - you investigate all possible things and you want to get to the bottom of the truth. your thinking is never without meaning or control. you are always in control of what is happening. and everything you say is very well thought out, you usually choose with what words you say something and in what way. many times your thinking is a secret, which means that people never find out what you are thinking and that they can often judge you as a person who is a secretive. you read other people very well. also u have very sharp mind.

sagittarius venus: sagittarius venus’s approach love in a playful and fun manner. this is why they prefer their partners to be witty and humorous. they’re optimistic and joyful in love. due to that 9th house energy, sagittarius venus individuals usually fall for those from different cultures and backgrounds. they’re incredibly open minded and prefer dating someone different to them in a way. however, they do get the stereotype that they’re “noncommittal”. this stems from the fact that they value their independence and can get restless if their relationship feels stagnant. they seek a partner who they can experience adventures with and grow together spiritually. above all, they value their freedom and independence so they need a partner who is willing to accommodate that.

(@chaoticlyfzz)

ᵒᵇˢᵉʳᵛᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵃʳᵉⁿ'ᵗ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ

[autistichalsin]

Two questions because I like hearing your thoughts:

What do you think Halsin's biggest flaw is?

And

Is there anything in his writing that you just don't vibe with / would like to see changed?

So, I am going to put two here for his flaws, just because what I perceive to be Halsin's biggest flaw is something a lot of people don't like being stated as such, because it's an extension of something that can actually be a good thing.

Halsin's biggest overall flaw: he is self-sacrificing to his own detriment, which also results in him brushing off his own pain/trauma. As a result of this, he also has a habit of developing hero-worship for those care for him the way he cares for others, I.E. the player.

Halsin's biggest flaw that can't be seen as an extension of a good trait: He can't control his basal instincts/urges very well. Not only can he not control his bear (the transformation into it and his actions in that shape) very well, but he also has lines in combat that rival the Dark Urge's in bloodlust; "let our enemies' corpses nourish the ground!" "May the carrion birds grow fat on you!"

Things I would change about his writing:

So... Most of the things I would change, I would not because I have a problem with them, but because I'm tired of others complaining about them (I.E. make his flirting banter with SH in act 3 only trigger if you're polymanced, make the Drow orgy start only at your invitation instead of his suggestion, etc). The highest on this list for me is the Minthara ultimatum (which still hasn't been implemented). I would like to see them make Halsin's case stronger; point out the Absolute still hunts him, make it clear how much Minthara triggers his trauma, let him talk more about things that happened to him in the goblin camp because of her- with her continued lack of remorse (she never even as much as says she sympathizes with what happened to the Grove) helping make his case. Also, make it more clear that what happened to the Tieflings was the result of this (because this scene was written to only trigger if the Rite of Thorns happened); show how haunted by their deaths Halsin is. People wrongly think Halsin had no stakes in this argument, when the truth is that they just didn't remind the audience what they were.

For things I actually would want changed... well, I'll put that in two categories, the things that could be changed while keeping the game mostly the same, and then my "pie in the sky" things.

Realistic changes:

-Halsin's post-Drow dialogue is tweaked just a bit more to fix a line from Tav that comes off as condescending, and to clarify some things (did Halsin's captors' house fall out of favor, or were they attacked by a lower house that wanted to unseat them? Halsin says both, but these are two different things in Drow culture). Maybe the house and the house that wiped them out get named, as well.

-While Halsin's act 3 arc was good considering how little time there was, I feel that there needed to be more highlighting his transition from nature-focused to people-focused. We see his anguish at the failures of the city, and the early stages of him dreaming for better, but I wish we could have had more of a bridge to him deciding his commune is the answer. I'd like to see a scene with Halsin adopting Yenna/inviting her to the commune once he starts it, a scene with Halsin's decision to found his commune and inviting the first group of refugees, that sort of thing.

-Make a quick tweak to That infamous party banter that makes it clear chimeras pass the Harkness Test in this setting so that people stop using it as justification to claim Halsin fucked the boar at the Grove (yes this is a thing). Or cut it entirely, I guess.

-Go back to the planned concept where Halsin's scar was in fact from a battle. It being from a shebear doesn't inherently bother me, but I liked the idea of it being a reminder of how badass Halsin is.

-I wish we had more lines reminding us what an amazing healer Halsin is past act 1.

-Fix a few of Halsin's lines so that he sounds as concerned about the Shadow Druids' influence as he should. He brushes them off a bit too easily, especially in the line patch 6 added where you could show him the note sent to Kagha.

-For the love of God, let Halsin get pissed off if you as a Drow Tav/Durge threaten to sell him back into slavery. Make him break up with you on the spot, maybe even leave the party- and if not, lose a huge chunk of approval at least. Players who make Astarion bite Araj rightfully get chewed out- Halsin deserves the same. It doesn't have to be rage, either; it could be hurt, or fear, or some combination of the above. But please, a line that evil deserves something more. They would never pull that on any other character.

Pie in the sky things that would probably never happen but I wish they would:

-After Halsin's Drow confession, we get a chance to suggest to him he might want a turn as a consensual submissive, complete with a sex scene of the player dominating Halsin.

-A scene with Astarion and Halsin bonding over their shared trauma.

-Reintroduce parts of the original concept for the Shadow Curse plot. I don't have to have the Halsin accidentally killing Isobel bit, but I liked the plot with the Promise dagger and him using you as a beacon to find you once he goes in the portal. It was so romance-coded; I'd argue it was even more romantic than Halsin's actual romance plot!

-Let us watch Halsin win over the orphans going to his commune. For pure self-indulgence reasons, make at least one of them a baby.

-A resist scene for Durges. I don't care if it would always be platonic, and yes, go ahead and give Minthara one too. Just please?

-MOST OF ALL, Origin Halsin.

[herb3lla]

HAIRCARE tips 🎀

How I changed my hair from having greasy, damaged and "your hair stinks" to having a healthy, hydrated, soft, voluminous hair and getting compliments EVERY DAY

(Like I'm not even exaggerating guys, I really do get compliments on my hair everyday 👀)

Tip#1

Do what works for you

Literally don't listen to someone when they say "Don't wash your hair everyday" "wash your hair everyday" etc honey PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try it out first!! Self care is all about trial and error it's never going to be linear and I promise you you'll have yourself figured out.

When I used to listen to my mom saying "don't wash your hair everyday it damages your hair" I literally used to wash my hair like 2 times per week and trust me IT DIDNT HELP ME AT ALL.

I switched to washing my hair every other day and my hair has never been any shinier and smoother plus it's getting what it needs!! Washing your hair depends On YOU. Please do whatever works for you

Tip#2

Oil your hair atleast 2 times per week

please I can't stress this enough. Your hair NEEDS food too and oil does that job for your hair.

You can use castor oil, coconut oil, olive oil, almond oil, jojoba oil or best if it's Moroccan oil.

You can mix these up together and use it on your scalp every two times per week and trust me guys your hair is never going to be the same. Feed your hair!!

Tip#3

Regulate blood flow

stimulating blood flow to your scalp will not only give you healthy hair but also ensure hair growth.

(don't be surprised if you start seeing baby hair all of a sudden because I am not lying 👀)

You can use a scalp massager or a derma roller. Derma rollers create tiny incisions to your hair which regulates blood flow delivering the nutrients your hair needs.

If you're using a scalp massager then make sure to lie upside down on your bed and massage your scalp gently for 5-10 minutes every day for BEST results. but it works fine either way.

Tip#4

Rosemary serum

This is my favorite!! And yes honey you can make it at home.

Get two to three rosemary leaves and put it to a boil with water on medium heat ( quantity depends on your container and this serum can be stored for two weeks at max ❤️)

When it comes to a boil strain the water and leave it to cool down then apply it on your scalp and massage it in with a scalp massager.

I used it every night before bed and tell my why my hair grew so much under just 7 months when I had the worst hair growth??? And it made my hair smooth and healthy and Soo ughh!!! I can't even put it into words just know I STARTED GETTING MASSIVE COMPLIMENTS AROUND ME OKAY?

Tip#5

Never leave your hair open while sleeping

Please don't make this mistake. I used to do this and it didn't do me right. It makes your hair extremely frizzy and causes breakage.

Put your hair up on a bun or do a little braid on your hair every single time before sleeping. Not even a ponytail!! A BRAID OR A BUN!! PERIODT! anything that does not leave your hair out.

Tip#6

Use as minimum heat as possible

Don't overwhelm your hair with heat guys. If you think there's alternative that's gonna give you the hairstyle you want without using any heat then use that. Like

Air dry your hair

Use hair rollers (there's tips on TikTok and YouTube to how you can get heatless curls using these)

Tip#7

Trim your ends regularly

Trim your ends every 3 months. It removes split ends reshapes your hair so you're good to go for your next hairstyle.

Also if you have extremely damaged hair and you don't wanna shave your hair off to "start new and fresh" with your hair I recommend trimming your hair ends every three months. I know it's a long and lengthy process ( but so is growing new hair after shaving your hair right?😭)

That way when you get your new and ✨ healthy ✨ hair after getting into hair care, the damaged old hair gottaa have to go ( slowly but surely❤️)

Tip#8

Use hair masks weekly

Hair masks are your best friend. It hydrates and nourishes your hair and best part it defines your natural hair out

My personal favourite is the fenugreek hair mask with banana and egg (I make it at home). Using it weekly to see the most results >>

You can try any hair masks that works for you ❤️

Bonus tip : BE PATIENT WITH YOUR SELF!!

don't overwhelm your hair by overdoing it. Be patient with your hair and care for it just like a you're caring for a newborn baby and it's gonna return all that love back to you ❤️

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Strawberry Moon in Capricorn ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

Heey, has the Full Strawberry Moon caused you some level of fatigue? At least physically rather than mentally? It was in the sign of Capricorn last June 23. This FM brought a shake-up to the foundation of our routines and a sense of belonging. I hope you’ve been feeling more secure in terms of your job and finances, or at least in the way you get to schedule your work.

There’s this little thing that I’ve been saying to myself ever since the arrival of this FM: ‘I’ve decided now that I am stable and secure. I’m not anxious anymore. There’s nothing to worry about.’ I’ve been saying that for my finances, yes, but especially, about my place in the world. I’ve become even more certain that what I’m doing is contributing positively to the world around me, and I’m very happy about that :D

This Full Moon, the aenergy is all about dreams and manifestations of a stable, secure Life going forward as Workers of Light. Personally, I don’t know what’s going on with people who are not of the Light LOL I guess all the foundation of their Reality is simply crumbling because they haven’t worked on their traumas? *cough, Hollyweird, cough cough*

Anyway, this FM also brought in a huge-ass cosmic broom to sweep up even more karmic debris from your energetic field (even bloodline). Releasing yourself from the shackles of guilt and unworthiness so you can grow tall and reach the heights of the heavens. All that, so you can now focus on your legacy project—something important, and unique, which you’ve known for quite a while only you can do.

This Full Strawberry Moon in Capricorn is the time all these wishes and endeavours are blessed by the Light forces of the Universe. Workers of Light, this year is YOUR year! Stomp forward bravely!

IDEA: High Paying, Low Stress Feminine Careers by Beauty & Beyond

deck-bottom: XVII The Star Rx, Gold Astronomer (John Dee), Priestess of Strength

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – It’s Time to Nourish Your Body

security – 2 of Cups Rx

Oh, this is interesting. You know that 2 of Cups is a soulmate card, right? But here in reverse I’m getting that up until fairly recently you’ve given so much of yourself to the wrong soulmates. It could be that there was something in the air that convinced you that you’d met your tribe, friend group, or even the one and true significant other, but then the Universe did something and the truth was unveiled, and it was painful.

The, uh, disclosure, took quite a toll on your physical body, probably due to the shock or trauma. This could’ve eaten away at your self-worth, too, to some degree. You might’ve dealt with an affliction of an impostor syndrome after the incident. Emotionally, it was really hard. But now, the Full Strawberry Moon has swept away a huge chunk of that trauma and now you’re good LOL

Basically, you’re being assured by your Spirit Guides that everything is only getting better from here <3

stability – 10 of Wands

If you resonate with having been in isolation for quite a while, this is your confirmation that you’ve chosen well. I mean, I guess your Spirit Guides ushered you into isolation LOL But this isolation period is your recovery phase from all the lessons you’ve taken from the previous chapter of your Life. Your Spirit Guides are saying the past was not a mistake. You needed to experience those things to help you develop a stronger intuition.

It's part of your Life Scenario to meet many, indeed, Souls that you’d known in different incarnations, but they’re not necessarily your long-term Soul Tribe. It was more like meeting old friends, neighbours or students you’d interacted with in the past and now they’re just passing by to say hi or help you with a light task. They were never meant to stay for long. Because, your True Soul Family is elsewhere.

Know that. Feel that with your intuition. Accept their call. And have fun making your way to them, or inviting them to your space :D

worry-free – 6 of Wands

For some of you tuning into this Pile, you may have been in this isolation mode for a very long time. Your Spirit Guides are saying your time in hiding is almost over. Soon, you’re gonna be connecting with people again and be seen for all the wonderful work you’re able to produce now, and everybody around you is so gonna appreciate and admire you for all that you are. They’ll think you’re super wonderful and they’re gonna wanna hang out with you and all that stuff :D

Are you still afraid of some kind of a betrayal or abandonment from these connections? No, it doesn’t seem like that at all. Why? Because you’ve transcended above your self-worth issues; because now there’s something that you’re doing that you feel very proud of, at least confident about. You know your worth now, so you’re just naturally magnetising people who will also view you the same.

Take care of your body though. Don’t work too hard. Your body still needs to get used to a healthy routine so it gets stronger. A strong body supports a more stable emotional plane <3

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Enjoying Unwinding for a Moment

security – 7 of Wands Rx

Seems like you’ve been huuuuuustling for the longest time. This FM in Capricorn is saying you’ve done marvellously well, so please take a break now! XD It’s more like, gosh, you haven’t taken the time to smell the panna cotta at all. Chill out, bro. You’re gonna work yourself to death before you even get to enjoy any bit of your labour of love. If it’s not possible to take a break, at least delegate. You really don’t have to do it all alone~

There’s a bit of a message about learning to trust other people. In essence, also learning to trust the Universe. Trust that things won’t suddenly spin out of control just because you’re snoring one minute. You’re working on something important that can benefit other people as well, right? Even if ‘other people’ literally means only yourself at this moment, and your family in the future.

Trust that the work—or the intent to change jobs—you’re doing now is in alignment with your Highest Intended Good. And in that sense, everything is perfect. You can relax~

stability – 10 of Cups Rx

Other than the scenario involving work, it seems a bunch of you have simply been dealing with a sense of ‘burden’ that goes beyond just day-to-day work. I feel like there’s been so much dark clouds in your mind, covering all your senses and your perception of Reality. These dark clouds are just worries, anxieties, and a fear of rejection or shame from the people closest to you.

It feels like there’s an endeavour you know you must take, a decision you know you must make, but you’ve been so stressed out about how to balance what you want with what’s expected of you. This FM in Capricorn seems to have lifted a huge chunk of those gloomy clouds tho, and I’m seeing you’re more able to distance yourself from the opinions and influences of those who might disagree with you.

This time around, this year in fact, you’re prioritising yourself. There’s something very important that you must undertake, but first, peace of mind first.

worry-free – 6 of Cups Rx

It does seem that the majority of your concerns come from ‘people’ rather ‘situations’. Your interpersonal relationships were simply weighing you down because you feel so much empathy and gratitude towards the people whom, I get are meant to be left in the past. These are people in your early chapters of Life; they’re likely not gonna make an appearance in the next arc, babe.

So you’re being advised to let go with grace and gratitude. I feel like you’re this dragon who’s meant for something mega-important and mega-luxury but the people around you couldn’t understand that. Well, that’s OK. That doesn’t make them ‘bad’, right? You just aren’t each other’s people, apparently. Your people, in fact, are those who are just as weird as you.

As you move forward, you’re going to meet more of these people who will even help you in building your empire. For now though, just enjoy unwinding those stressful threads of expectations in your mind~

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – This is Literally Where It All Starts

security – Page of Pentacles Rx

You’ve dedicated a huge chunk of your Life to studying. Most people won’t even be able to grasp just how much ‘a huge chunk of your Life’ is in this scenario. It almost feels like practically your entire Life, you’ve just been studying. A whooole Life of nothing but hard lessons from the Universe. Are you fuckin’ kidding me? You may have felt like giving up numerous times, too.

But it all ends by this FM in Capricorn. You’ve finished studying. You’ve graduated, or soon graduating. For the most part, the majority of you have closed that chapter of studying, learning and experimenting (with prototypes). From here onwards, it’s full-on Creation with active R&D on the side. You’re being propelled into your Highest Intended Mission.

Of course, vacation, first, baby~ Relax and celebrate your graduation. You deserve to take it easy now that you’re in preparatory mode.

stability – 2 of Airships Rx

I see that whatever you’ve felt was restricted before, whether money or time or a general sense of ‘freedom’ to do what you want when you want, is being lifted and suddenly there’s just this almost magical burst of material blessings that enable you to just…have a good time! Like, before, it was as if either you turn on the electricity or go without food for a day (hi, Australia). There was just SO much compromise to make. Not anymore! This FM in Capricorn is bringing in a lot of ease and material abundance!

Well, this Strawberry Moon is all about manifestation and fruitfulness, yes, but it’s also the way Saturn (ruler of Cap) seems to be easing in on the restrictions put around your physical manifestations. And it’s mainly thanks to your finally returning to the core of who you are. If this is your main pile, chances are, you’ve figured out your spiritual work in this world.

Basically, the lessons of Saturn revolve around that theme. Finding your footing in this world so your physical manifestations are always going to be in the service of your Highest Intended Good :D

worry-free – Knight of Wands Rx

I get this feeling that up until recently, you’ve been sort of torn between doing what’s responsible/practical and following this calling in your heart. Being pulled in more than one direction has caused you a great deal of mental turbulence. It wasn’t because you were choosing or managing poorly, no, not at all; it was because you were meant to follow both LOL

But yeah, I get that the whole learning phase was more like a tempering of your passions. Basically, the Universe was teaching you trust and faith in its grand orchestration. There this quote that fits perfectly for you right now:

‘You ever just like… Trust the Universe so much that you don’t give a fuck?’

For most of you tuning in here, I feel like you’ve kinda just stopped giving a fuck about whether or not you’re gonna make it or fail hahahah

And that’s the whole point, right? Doesn’t matter what happens, the Universe has big plans for you, so you’re surely gonna end up alright, and even thriving! Since you already know the outcome anyway, might as well relax and take it easy from like right now~

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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[agentstarkid]

REDAMANCY ✦ DR3

“The essence of "redamancy", when loving someone, resides in finding oneself wholeheartedly committed to another person. It involves investing time, effort, and emotions to build a relationship based on trust, empathy, and understanding. Redamancy emphasizes the idea of love in its purest form, where both individuals feel valued, supported, and cherished by one another. In this context, loving someone through redamancy means having an unwavering appreciation and admiration for their unique qualities and accepting them as they are, flaws and all. It entails fostering a deep emotional bond that brings joy, warmth, and fulfillment to both individuals involved. Love, translated through redamancy, is an enriching experience that nourishes and uplifts the lives of those involved, creating a sense of security, happiness, and contentment.”

✦ pairing: daniel ricciardo x famous!latina!reader

✦ type: social media au

✦ fc: becky g

✦ warnings: female!reader, covid-19 & quarantine mentions, age gap, language, slight mention of mature themes.

✦ pit wall live: holi babes! WE'RE OFFICIALLY DONE WITH 2020! 🥳 Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm feeling festive so this is a gift from me to you guys! Thank you for all the love and support ��� if you haven't already left me one, please consider leaving me a comment to let me know if this whole thing at least makes a bit of sense (I crave validation, guys lmao) and my inbox is always open! I'm super excited for you to get to know Girlie a little bit better! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter because I sure did enjoy making those edits, don't they look so fucking cuteeeeee??? 😩💕

p.s.: keep an eye out for a name that could be important in the future 👀

─── The Joker & The Queen (Masterlist)

SEPTEMBER 9, 2020

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SEPTEMBER 13, 2020

f1gossipofficial

♡ 2,345 likes

f1gossipofficial NEW WAG ALERT 🚨 After months of speculations, we can finally see them together! Daniel and Y/N arrived at the paddock for the Tuscan GP today and it's fair to say, she knows how to make an entrance 🔥 It's the first time Ricciardo introduces a WAG to the paddock 🥰

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user she's wearing heels and he's still a head taller than her 🥺 THEIR HEIGHT DIFFERENCE IS TOO FUCKING CUTE 😭❤️

user she's just a smol 🤏🏻 cinnamon roll ❤️

user2 🐍🐍🐍🐍

user3 what the fuck is she wearing? 😂 she needs to hire a stylist because she looks like a fucking clown. This reflects badly on Daniel 🤮

user she's serving Y2K style 🔥🔥🔥 also why tf would it reflect badly on him the way she dresses??? 🙄 I think she looks gorgeous!

user4 They have been together since January, but the picture of them walking next to each other is like they don't even know each other 😂

user5 can't believe Daniel hasn't dump her unfaithful ass yet 🙄 she must be really good at the things that she does on the mattress 🤮

user the only thing she's probably worth for, he might as well take advantage of it Imao

user6 The amount of hate this girl receives when all she does is just appear, no one knows her personally but ends up throwing opinions based on her looks and a couple of tabloids. Lol. Fangirls are crazy! 😂

user7 noone does it like her 😘

user8 lol he deserves so much better 🤢🐍

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OCTOBER 6, 2020

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OCTOBER 11, 2020

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yourinstagram

♡ liked by rubendias, iamcardib, danielricciardo and 8,452,325 others

yourinstagram When your birthday gift includes a podium finish you know it's gonna be an unforgettable experience! 🤩 Every year I grow I'm reminded of how precious this life is, thank you all for helping me fill it up with so much love. Your kind words and constant support means everything to me. Thank you so so so much 💕

Don't say it, don't say it, OKAY I'm saying it: I'M FEELING 22!! 😘

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salmahayek Happy birthday hermosa ❤️

danielricciardo Who needs a four-leaf clover when I've got you by my side? Just call me Danny Ricc, the luckiest bloke around! 😎

taylorswift Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22! 🥳 Happy happy birthday my angel! There was happiness because of you 🥰

user stop acting all innocent we all know you are a fucking slut

userA yourinstagram we can tell by all the guys you let into your bed 👀

florencepugh Happy birthday to a special soul ❤️

fioamato Happiest 22nd year babe! Wish we could be together to celebrate. Te amo un mundo ❤️

sofiareyes Feliz vida reinotaaaa! 🥳🥰

user2 sos una gran ridícula 🐍

user3 stop shoving it in our faces every 5 minutes jesus christ, we already know the only way you can stay relevant is fucking your way through talented people

reesewhiterspoon Happy birthday to my favorite resident loud persona!

jvn Happiest birthday babe! Becoming friends with you has shown me a strength & kindness that is v rare. You're brave, smart AF, and the talent is next level & quite literally iconic. Grateful to know you & call you a frand!! Love you to pieces Queen! xx

llane Feliz cumpleaños hermanita 🎂 te deseo muchas bendiciones! ❤️

lilymhe as a wise woman once said: It seems like one of those nights, we ditched the whole scene and end up dreaming, instead of sleeping 💘✨

user4 Oh I didn't know it was international snakes day 🐍😂

lewishamilton happy birthday sis 💜 hope you had lots of fun x

instagram birthdays and F1 races make a winning combo

user5 I hope you are aware you're just a bed-warmer until he finds something better 😂

user6 Those who are throwing her hate, is everything okay at home? You must all be excellent people and role models 😂

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NOVEMBER 01, 2020

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NOVEMBER 16, 2020

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DECEMBER 18-21, 2020

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DECEMBER 25, 2020

danielricciardo

📍Los Angeles, California

♡ liked by yourinstagram, natalie_pinkham, pierregasly and 5,242 others

danielricciardo Merry christmas to all, ya filthy animals! From me and my snuggle buddy 🎄 We've been good... mostly! 😝

Tagged: yourinstagram, corey_wilson, lukerockhold

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yourinstagram Merry Christmas from our reindeer crew! ❤️🎄

danielricciardo Santa's got it easy this year, because I've already found the perfect gift 😘

natalie_pinkham Cuties ❤️ Merry christmas guys! Sending you all the love ❤️🎄

user THEY LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD UGHH 😍

user1 she's gonna be his downfall 🤢

f1 Merry Christmas to our favorite honey badger 🦨🍯❤️

user2 please Daniel check your eyesight 😭 I mean what did you even see in Y/N

kristenanniebell Merry christmas, guys! Sending lots of love from ours to yours ❤️

user3 La pareja más bonita 😍😍 Merry christmas to us with that first photo

scottyjames31 this got me cheesing hard... I'm a bit worried for Santa if those are his reindeers though 😳

user4 Daniel!! RUN!! Don't get too close to her... she's fucking poison!! Everything she touches rots away 🐍🐍🐍

user5 MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!! Santa should be delivering my adoption papers to you any moment now ❤️🙈

fabioquartararo20 Merry christmas brother! 🥂❤️

user6 who else lives through celebrities holiday posts? Buon Natale, Daniel and Y/N 💚

user7 dude, based on the recent news lately popping up on my feed (that I did not even care to know about), I hope you get yourself to an std clinic to get tested. I see you are in your russian roulet phase- no judgement. sincerely, I wish you the best

user8 this comment section reeks of jealousy it does not pass the vibe check at. all. 😤😤😤 it's fucking christmas guys, what the fuck is wrong with y'all leave them the fuck alone!

user9 they are so many wonderful and interesting people in the world, but you chose Y/N... disappointing. You could sincerely do so much better

user10 Love it or hate it, they are living their best life. Haters can keep commenting, but they're just a bunch of jealous basic bitches lmao ANYWAYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS! Keep being fucking iconic! ❤️

user11 To all the haters out there, keep commenting. Love knows no bounds and Daniel deserves exactly who he's chosen 😘

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DECEMBER 31, 2020

yourinstagram

♡ liked by lilymhe, rubendias, greeicy and 10,652,485 others

yourinstagram Moving towards 2021 with a better mindset. Keep practicing kindness every day, guys! 💖🤗🤭

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itsvittoriasousa Queen of positivity 💁🏻‍♀️💗😘

user lmao omg love this video 🤭 such good vibes

blakelively ❤️❤️❤️

zendaya the vibes are immaculate 💅🏻

lali Y QUE SE CALLE EL DECORADO 😝 Te adoro nena ❤️

user1 No me canso de verlo 😂

iamdannaschwarz A lot of palo santo to cleanse, purify and remove all negativity 🪔🧿😌🤍

user2 Por qué tan hermosaaaaaa 😍😍😍

user3 It's the palo santo and the big echeveria for me lol

user4 Love your attitude

karolg Positively divinaaa! Toda una BICHOTA 💁🏻‍♀️💗

user5 Keep it up, Queen!! Let your light blind all those negative nellies 😌 You're shinning brighter than the sun ☀✨

user6 you can't tell me her and Dan are not meant to be 😂 I bet they are so much fun to be around 🤭

─── Please don't forget to reblog and comment! ♡

[script-a-world]

Submitted via Google Form:

If a town had their food completely self-sustained, how much farmland would they need? It's a heavily vegetarian community by the way. How much would it depend on the exact crops they're growing i.e. beans vs lentils, rice vs wheat? Let's say 30,000 people for now. If I need to adjust for a different population, would it be linear or not? What if they optimised their fields for most nutrition to land required? The town is in the coastal tropics by the way. Crops that can't be grown there can be greenhoused. Also, I heard about crops being grown in seawater instead. How much land can be saved if some of the crops were there instead? Also, how possible is it for this community to be able to achieve less than 5% food waste?

Tex: So I went and gave “how much farmland is needed per person” a quick search on the internet, and here are the first three results:

How Much Land Does It Take To Feed One Person – Online Calculator by William Swanson | Permaculturism

How much land to feed a person? by The Naked Scientists

Agricultural land use per person by Our World in Data

Now, I do not necessarily claim these are the best search results, only the first search results. (Admittedly, the top result is pretty good for most uses.) Adjusting your keywords and search parameters will likely net you more pertinent results.

For some additional context, here is a list of types of malnutrition (Wikipedia). It has a category for both under- and over-nourishment, which will be useful for your context and as a form of general education in real life.

Humans require a varied diet. If they do not get this, and in proper quantities, they fall ill. Trade has been an enormous supplement for this, in terms of things like preserved produce or meats that cannot be produced locally for various reasons, or preservation agents such as salt (which also fill a spot in the nutritional index).

Land can only produce so much during a growing period, and requires seasonal periods to lay fallow - something which typically requires the use of manure to amend the soil to a useful mineral ratio (you can use chemicals, strictly speaking, if you don’t mind destroying the microbiome in the process). Greenhouses have much the same pitfalls, hence their experimental or ornamental nature compared to the style of agriculture humans have been practicing for thousands of years.

The amount of arable land will dictate how many people can survive healthily in a given area. For this, you’ll probably want to use the calculator linked above, and make sure to account for non-arable, uninhabitable land for other flora, other fauna, and geological features such as rocks or beaches.

It will not be a utopia, and an agriculturally-dependent society that vegetarianism or veganism (an even more stringent diet) demands will necessarily spend the majority of their time tending to their crops and the accessory chores to keep their farms running year-round.

Additionally, food waste is a relatively new concept, and mostly for the Western or adjacent world, because historically most people have been too poor to afford wasting even a single scrap of a mealy vegetable. If it cannot be cooked into edibility, fed to a farm animal, composted, used to insulate crops over winter, converted into a useful craft (see: textiles, manufacturing of non-food goods), or otherwise consumed in a worthwhile manner, it generally is not bothered with as a crop because wasted crop costs money - and money is historically housed by the wealthy who need not worry about such things as where and when their next meal arrives, not the people who produce the food.

[adviceformefromme]

What is being called in this month vs whats being left behind:

Not only is it a new month, but also a change in seasons, the perfect opportunity to reflect and realign. 

What’s going out: 

Social Media: Just imagine how liberating it feels to finally be done with checking your phone? To no longer loose precious hours of your life, scrolling. Deleting the apps and not being part of the crowd feels so freeing and exclusive, like you just went to pilates, received a gorgeous bunch of flowers, and copped a new dress for your Thailand trip…and it’s all for you. Life feels so much more personal. No one else in your business. No fronting, no taking 20 shots to get the perfect one to post. No comparing your life to others. There is no extra energy being directed at you because you no longer partaking in the circus. 

Rushing & Stressing: It might seem unimportant to highlight this fact, but the stress on your body from constantly rushing and panicking can actually cause sickness. The stress hormones in your body go into overdrive, and overtime this can cause serious harm. Besides that who wants to be that rushed, stressed out woman? Is she who you aspire to be? If not, what shifts do you need to make so your day is better organised? This new season is replacing stress with peace.

Subscribing to a life that is not in alignment: You know in your heart what you love, the environments that nurtures you, the weekends that fill your heart. But somehow...you choose to live a life that rejects your hearts desires. You settle. Why waste your life, going to pubs and drinking when you really want to be sipping herbal teas and hiking mountains on the weekend? Why subscribe to an office job because everyone else is when you really want to be volunteering for a charity in Nepal? The power is in your choice. The change may not happen overnight. But the change needs to happen, to be in motion. Saying no to what doesn’t feel right in your life, will create new space for what truly sets your soul on fire. 

What’s coming in:

Nourishment on a whole new level: It’s always sickness that causes us to really value health. But, why wait. Investing in your health to ensure you feel at your very best will benefit you in ways you can only dream of. You sleep better, your skin is brighter, your levels of respect for yourself are so much higher because you are FULLY invested in your wellbeing. You make smarter food shopping choices, you educate yourself about what nourishes you. You carve out time to listen to your body. What does it need? What needs to be healed? Boys, drama, gossip? No time for that, you are too busy reading up on Ayurvedic medicine and at your yoga class. You deeply love yourself, and it shows through your levels of self-nourishment.

Strong boundaries with the people in your life: That emotionally unstable friend that dumps all her traumas, worries, stress on you to the point that it's effecting your energy. Create a boundary. The guy you went on a date with that keeps yo-yoing in and out of your life. Create a boundary. The other friend that keeps cancelling last minute, create a boundary. The difficult thing about boundaries, is that often we have never been taught how to make them. What does it even look like to tell someone they are SEVERELY affecting your day, your mood, your entire life without raging or hiding in a corner? Learning what your needs are is a good starting point. What do I need from this person? You have all the answers within. Learn better boundaries, so people around you don’t get the better of you.  

Carving out time for soul passions: Life will be life, the day will be filled with the usual, work, study, cleaning, eating, washing, seeing people. But what about you? What about that little fire inside you that needs some kindling? It might need you to start writing, to maybe wake up a little earlier so you can carve out an hour to pour into your passions. The more you do this, the more the fire inside you will grow, you are feeding your soul, you’ll feel better, and the guilt of not listening to your inner voice will no longer haunt you. There’s no more sleeping on yourself, this season is for the soul. 

[miss0atae]

Random Thoughts about The On1y One (EP 7) : Home is where the heart is.

This episode was again so satisfying to watch. It's been 7 episodes so far and I can say without any doubts that you can't get bored in The On1y One. Things may move slowly, but it's just like a narrow path we're taking on a journey to learn more about our main leads. We gradually uncover more about them. You see where their loneliness comes from and how they found in each other someone who can help them overcome it. Their attachment is real and so touching. You can't be indifferent. This time we learn about why Tian is feeling always ready to leave. How lonely it must have been to be a child left to live with your grandmother who has dementia. Your parents are not here and you can only count on yourself and the small kind attentions you sometimes receive. We understand why Tian can be so protective on those who he has affection for. If you give him love, he will give it back to you so much. It was just like when he was a kid and the cat of Mr. Ding gave him the affection he was clearly lacking. The cat died, but Tian found in Wang another someone who gives him what he desperately needs deep down.

They've been giving us some hint about Tian's relationship with his father and it doesn't sound good. I wonder if his father was a bit abuse to him. It's not clearly stated in this episode, but what we know is that he wasn't a good father anyway. He never gave Tian the love he deserves and that's why he didn't feel like staying with him. It's really sad because his father was an orphan. I thought that when you had to grow up by yourself, if one day you get to have a child, maybe you'll want them to avoid living the same loneliness you had to endure. I may be wrong as I've never been an orphan… but that's what I believe. Unfortunately, Tian's father has his own traumas and he wasn't caring enough about his son. At least, Tian's mother is feeling guilty because she felt like she missed her son's childhood and she is trying. Obviously, it won't change the fact that Tian had to grow up by himself and it has left scars on him (physically and morally). That's why, he is always on the go, ready to move and never feeling like he has a place to stay. Wang learned about all of these and you can see how it resonates in him. He also knows what is loneliness. They have both experienced it in a very different way. Wang is also very loyal just like Tian and they life are now intertwined.

I really liked the time they spent together. You can see from each episode how their bond is growing. Wang said to Tian “I will be by your side” and he meant it. I feel Tian wasn’t expecting this, but it really made a big impression on him. Has anyone said these words to him before? When you’re a child, you need your loved ones around you and you need them to tell you about how much they love you and care for you. We all needs to know that we are loved. You don’t need many people, but at least one, is enough. For someone who was “abandoned” by his family, finding someone who wants to be by your side is changing everything. Especially, as Wang wants to live with Tian on the dorm, just the two of them. Wang is offering Tian, a home. Tian won’t have to wander anymore, ready to leave at any point, with his suitcase. He will have the chance to finally unpack all his belonging somewhere. What is a home? They are several answers. It can be a place where you live or it can be a broader definition of “family”. Home can become the place for forging and nourishing human attachment bonds. You can get it a sense of belonging. By offering Tian the opportunity to share a dorm with him, Wang is in fact offering him to be part of his “family”. “Family” can refer to people who live together by choice and are not related by blood bonds.

I can’t wait to see if they finally convinced their parents about this idea and if Tian is finally getting rid of that damn suitcase. Tomorrow won’t come fast enough to get the answer.

[songbirdsanctuary]

Gentle Preenings

So I think I've been on a wing preening roll lately?? Oh well, I find it cute. 🤷‍♀️

Also I think I gave Scar leaf-speak like the LeafWings, also Butterscotch-cinnamon pie, Iykyk.

Warnings: None unless you consider fluff a warning.

Word count: 2,838

Scar was in his cozy snail starter base, carefully moving around some chests and clutter. The place was a proper mess, with items scattered across the floor in haphazard piles, but the sweet scent of freshly baked butterscotch-cinnamon pie filled the air, making the chaos feel a little more bearable. The pie was cooling on the counter, and its warmth seemed to blend perfectly with the earthy, woodsy smell that always lingered in his base.

He took a deep breath, stretching his arms high above his head, feeling the familiar pull of tension in his muscles after all the rearranging. As he lowered his hands, his eyes landed on a spot in the corner of his room that he felt could use more greenery. It was a bit bare, and Scar, always a lover of nature, couldn't help but feel that some extra leaves would brighten the place up. His base was made out of a tree, he helped it grow and never chopped it down.

As a tree elf and cat hybrid, Scar had a special connection to plants. He could communicate with them in ways others couldn't—his elf nature allowed him to speak to the roots and leaves, understanding their needs, their wants. So, with gentle fingers, he placed his hand on the wall where the roots of a plant were growing. He closed his eyes, focusing on the whispering connection he shared with the greenery.

"Hey there," he murmured softly, his voice barely more than a breath. "Think you can grow few more leaves here? I help you, grow strong." He had to speak in the simple way the trees spoke.

He could feel the plant respond, a gentle tug of life in its roots. ‘Sunlight?’ the plant whispered back through their connection, a soft, yearning voice.

Scar smiled, his heart warming at the familiar interaction. "Yes, plenty of sunlight. I make sure you get water too," he promised. He could feel the plant's excitement, its energy buzzing through him as small buds began to form along the bare stem.

‘Yes... grow... water now?’ the plant asked, eager for nourishment.

With a chuckle, Scar grabbed a nearby cup of water and carefully poured it over the roots. The leaves seemed to stretch out, unfurling with joy as the water soaked into the soil. They shifted and shimmered in the light, radiating a sense of happiness that only Scar could feel.

"That's it," Scar said softly, patting the stem. "Grow strong, grow tall." He watched as the plant flourished before his eyes, filling the once empty space with fresh, vibrant leaves.

Scar’s ear flicked at the sound of a gentle knock on his newly replaced door. It was still a bit strange to hear it, considering how often it had gone missing thanks to some playful or mischievous thieves. He smiled to himself, grateful this time it seemed like a guest and not someone trying to make off with his door again.

"Come in!" Scar called, his voice bright and welcoming. He always enjoyed having company. The door creaked open, and Grian's head poked in. Scar’s smile faltered for a brief moment when he noticed the uncomfortable look on his friend’s face.

“Scar…” Grian started, hesitating at the doorway. He shuffled his feet awkwardly, his usual confident demeanor replaced with something more anxious. “Can you help me with something?”

“Of course! What do you need help with?” Scar’s response was immediate, his eyes following Grian as he stepped fully into the room. As he came closer, Scar noticed something off about Grian’s wings. Normally, they were impeccably maintained, each red, blue, and gold feather shining with care. But today, they looked a little unkempt—dirtied in places, and they twitched every few seconds as though Grian was trying to get comfortable but couldn’t.

Grian stopped just in front of Scar, looking down at the floor. "Can you help me preen my wings?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. His wings fluttered slightly at his sides as he fidgeted. "I… I can’t reach the feathers on the back." He still wouldn’t look Scar in the eyes, his expression embarrassed, like asking for help with something so personal was a struggle.

Scar’s heart melted at the sight of his friend like this. Grian looked so small, so vulnerable. Scar gently placed a hand on Grian’s cheek, lifting his face so their eyes could meet. “Hey, it’s okay,” Scar murmured reassuringly. “I’d be glad to help you.”

Grian’s cheeks flushed a deep red at Scar’s touch, and he quickly stepped away, clearly embarrassed by his own vulnerability. He nodded shyly and made his way over to Scar’s bed, sitting down on the edge and hesitantly opening his wings. His feathers unfurled in a broad, colorful display, and Scar could see more clearly now the little bits of dirt and debris trapped within them.

Scar followed, sitting down behind Grian and taking in the sight of the wings spread out before him. They were magnificent—bold, crimson feathers with hints of gold, the colors so rich they seemed to glow even in the dim light of the room. For a moment, Scar was a little awestruck.

But then reality hit him. “Soo… I’ve never preened wings before,” Scar admitted with a sheepish laugh. “I mean, I’ve seen False and Wels clean theirs, but I’ve never actually done it myself. I’m not really sure how to start.”

Grian sighed, his wings drooping slightly. “It’s not that complicated. Just… remove any broken or bent feathers, and clean out any dirt or debris that’s stuck in there. It’ll be fine.” He shifted his wings again, clearly trying to relax, but Scar could sense the tension in his body.

“Remove the feathers?” Scar asked, his brow furrowing in concern. “But won’t that hurt? I don’t want to hurt you.” The thought of causing Grian pain made his stomach twist a little.

“It’ll hurt more if they don’t get removed,” Grian said softly, though his voice held a note of reassurance. “It’s part of the process.”

Scar nodded, swallowing his hesitation as he placed a hand on one of Grian’s wings. He gently ran his fingers through the feathers, feeling for any that were bent or broken. After a moment, he found a feather that felt out of place—its shaft cracked and fragile beneath his fingers. Scar took a deep breath and, doing his best to be gentle, carefully tugged the feather free.

Grian let out a soft chirp, but didn’t flinch away. Encouraged, Scar continued, slowly working through the feathers, removing anything broken or bent while picking out dirt, leaves, and small bits of debris that had gotten caught in the plumage. As he worked, Grian kept making soft chirping and trilling noises, sounds that Scar found both soothing and oddly cute.

Despite the gentleness of his movements, Scar noticed how tense Grian remained, his shoulders tight and his wings stiff. Wanting to help his friend relax, Scar moved his hands to the soft down at the base of Grian’s wings, near his neck. With practiced ease, he began to massage the delicate feathers, his fingers working through the soft, plush down.

Grian’s trills grew louder, and Scar could feel the tension start to melt away beneath his hands. Grian’s shoulders slumped, his body finally relaxing into the soothing touch. His wings began to unfurl further, spreading wide as Scar continued his careful ministrations.

“There we go,” Scar murmured, smiling to himself as Grian relaxed completely into his care. The trust Grian was placing in him, letting him preen and massage his wings, filled Scar with warmth. Grian may have been embarrassed at first, but now, he looked peaceful. Scar took his time, ensuring every feather was as perfect as possible, feeling a deep connection to his friend as they shared this quiet, intimate moment.

Though Grian was somewhat relaxed, Scar had a playful idea. With a mischievous grin, he placed one free hand against the smooth wooden wall of his base, connecting to the tree that had grown to become his home. It wasn’t just any tree—it was a passion fruit tree, and Scar knew just how to coax it into doing something special.

“Hey there,” Scar whispered through their shared connection. “You grow a single fruit? In front the scarlet macaw?”

The tree hummed back at him, its roots vibrating faintly beneath his palm. ‘Just one? You promise water so I do?’ it asked, its voice soft and patient like the rustle of leaves in the wind.

Scar smiled warmly at the familiar negotiation. “Promise. I get you water later if you do this.”

Satisfied with the deal, the tree responded with a gentle creaking sound, and Scar watched in awe as a branch slowly extended from the roof above them. Leaves rustled quietly as the branch reached down, and soon, a single golden-orange passion fruit began to grow. It ripened before Scar’s eyes, plumping up until it gleamed like a jewel hanging from the ceiling. It looked exstra juciy.

Grian’s eyes widened in amazement when he saw the fruit appear, his wings giving a soft twitch of excitement. He glanced over at Scar with a look of surprise and wonder, as if he wasn’t sure if it was meant for him. Scar nodded in encouragement, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

With a little more confidence now, Grian looked back at the fruit and carefully reached up to pluck it from the branch. His fingers brushed against the smooth skin of the fruit, and for a moment, he simply held it in his hands, as though savoring the beauty of the moment.

“Thank you,” Grian said softly, his voice filled with appreciation. Scar just smiled, content to see Grian’s tension finally melting away as the vibrant colors of the passion fruit mirrored the bright red hues of his feathers.

The tree, satisfied with its work, gave one last content hum, and Scar could feel the warmth of its life spreading through the walls of the base. He patted the wood affectionately. "I'll get you that water soon," he whispered quietly, happy to see that Grian was feeling just a bit better.

Grian bit into the passion fruit, savoring the sweet, tangy juice that burst across his tongue. As a macaw avian, fruit was his favorite thing in the world, and Scar knew it. He closed his eyes for a moment, relishing the taste. There was something calming about it—each bite made him feel a little more at peace, the stress of the day gradually melting away.

While Grian was distracted by the fruit, Scar finished removing the last few bits of dirt from his wings, setting them down carefully on the small pile of feathers and debris that had accumulated on the floor. "All done!" Scar announced cheerfully, his voice breaking the quiet of the room.

Grian jumped slightly, startled by the sudden sound. He had been so absorbed in eating the passion fruit that he hadn’t noticed Scar finishing. He chuckled softly at himself as he continued to pick at the fruit, methodically splitting it open to reach the seeds inside. Scar watched with a fond smile; this was a side of Grian he always found endearing. Grian had a habit of carefully inspecting each fruit he ate, and now, as Scar often saw him do, he began to pick out and eat the seeds one at a time, making sure they were safe before he dug into the rest of the fruit.

Scar leaned back, watching Grian with a warm, contented expression. As Grian finally finished picking through the seeds and took the last bite of the juicy flesh, he turned to check his wings. A small smile of satisfaction crossed his face as he noticed how much cleaner and neater they looked now that Scar had helped him preen.

Before Grian could say anything, Scar shifted behind him, sliding his hands up to gently massage his shoulders and neck. His thumbs pressed softly into the tense muscles, working out the knots with care. Grian sighed deeply, his whole body relaxing under Scar's touch. Slowly, Grian leaned back against Scar, letting himself sink into the warmth and comfort of his friend’s presence as he continued to enjoy the lingering sweetness of the fruit on his tongue.

When Grian finally finished the last of his passion fruit, he turned around to face Scar, a look of gratitude and something softer in his eyes. Without saying a word, he shifted forward, sitting down in Scar’s lap. It was a quiet, tender gesture—something they didn’t do often, but in moments like this, it felt right. Grian pressed his face against Scar’s chest, nestling into him like a bird seeking shelter. Scar instinctively wrapped his arms around Grian, holding him close.

They sat like that for a long moment, the silence between them filled with warmth and the steady rhythm of their breathing. Scar gently stroked Grian’s back, the tips of his fingers brushing against the soft down that covered the base of his wings. Grian’s eyes fluttered shut, and he let out a contented hum, feeling completely safe in Scar’s embrace.

Scar couldn’t help but smile. These quiet moments of connection, when the rest of the world seemed to fade away, were the ones he cherished most. And as he held Grian close, he felt an overwhelming sense of peace wash over him, knowing that his friend was here, safe, and happy in his arms.

.

.

.

After a little while, Scar spoke up, his voice breaking the comfortable silence. “Hey, Grian, how do you normally preen the back of your wings if you can’t reach? Don’t avians need to preen every two to three weeks?”

Grian, still resting in Scar’s embrace, hummed softly, considering his answer. “When I first joined,” he began quietly, “I would ask Xisuma for help. I didn’t trust anyone with my wings at the time. They’re... delicate, and letting someone that close, well, it’s personal. X understood that. He was always careful, always patient with me.” Grian paused for a moment, his voice carrying the weight of those early days when trust wasn’t so easily given.

“There was one day, though,” Grian continued, “when X was too busy, and my wings were in desperate need of preening. I’d been becoming really good friends with Mumbo by then, so I trusted him to help. It wasn’t easy at first. Letting someone else handle your wings—it’s kind of like letting them hold a piece of you, something vulnerable. But Mumbo was careful too. He took his time, and eventually, I relaxed. Since then, I’ve asked him or X when I need help.”

Grian shifted slightly in Scar’s arms, his wings twitching a bit as he spoke. “But today... they were both busy, and I really, really needed it done. My wings were driving me crazy. So, I thought I’d ask you.” He yawned softly, exhaustion catching up to him after the long day.

“Thanks for doing that for me,” Grian murmured, his voice warm and sincere.

Scar beamed, his fingers absentmindedly tracing soothing circles on Grian’s back. “Anytime! I’m happy to help you, G.”

There was a brief pause before Scar added, “Oh, and I know you just ate, but I made a pie earlier. Do you want some?”

Grian let out a sleepy trill in response, his eyelids already drooping as he looked up at Scar. The sound was soft, content—like a bird settling down after a long flight. Scar chuckled at the sound, his heart melting at the sight of Grian’s tired but happy expression.

“Okay, okay,” Scar said with a quiet laugh, brushing a strand of hair away from Grian’s face. “We’ll nap first, but after that, I’ll get you some pie.”

Before Grian could respond, Scar leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, a tender and lingering moment that made Grian’s heart flutter. Grian responded with a gentle sigh, sinking even further into Scar’s embrace, his head resting against Scar’s chest once more. The warmth of the moment, combined with the gentle rise and fall of Scar’s breathing, lulled Grian into a peaceful state of relaxation.

Scar smiled as he looked down at him, his own eyes feeling heavy now. The sound of Grian’s soft breathing and the comfort of their closeness made everything else feel distant, unimportant. For now, there was only this—this quiet, shared space where they could both just be.

As Scar held Grian close, he closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of peace that came with having his friend so near. “Nap now, pie later,” he whispered in the simple way the spoke to trees, though he wasn’t sure if Grian had already drifted off to sleep.

And for a while, they simply rested together, wrapped up in the warmth of each other's company, knowing that when they woke, there would be more moments like this—simple, soft, and full of quiet affection.

[topray]

A PRODUCT OF HER ENVIRONMENT: AN ANALYSIS ON THE CRUX OF MARI'S CHARACTER, AND THE INTENTION BEHIND IT. CONTENT WARNINGS ARE AS FOLLOWS — MENTIONS OF ABUSE, PTSD, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR / EMOTIONAL SELF HARM, MENTIONS OF THE JUSTICE SYSTEM, MURDER, VIOLENCE, AND DEATH.

as a preface to this meta, i want to make it absolutely clear that this, by no means, is a meta to excuse or justify mari's behaviors, actions, or horrific activities. in the same breath, i also want to emphasize that it isn't something that will go ignored within her character, and should be dealt with in a very cautious, careful, and cognizant way. mari's experiences and trauma have shaped her significantly, and while there are reasons behind what she does, it does not make any of it right. this meta is centered around the question and purpose of mari’s character, as well as emphasizing factors of mari beyond the antagonist / villain pieces. it is by no means intended to excuse her, but hopefully allow us to empathize and see her in a full light.

mari is, from beginning to end   (of any plotline), a product of her environment. her story could be seen through a lens of her trajectory being a grimdark coming of age story, and to some extent, that's true. however, then the question becomes: did mari ever grow up?

the beginning of the exposure to dysfunction, abuse, and relentless horror began at an incredibly young age for mari. her desensitization to extremely destabilizing circumstances started before she was even 10, and only increased in severity as the aforementioned circumstances worsened. if we follow along their timeline, we witness how harm and / or violence becomes such a consistency in her life   (in whatever way that was)   that the existence of it becomes cemented in. her surroundings being a format of shaping, molding, and crushing her down to size continually, means that when we ask if mari dai grew up, we also have to ask how much of her childhood was actually rooted in a development of self, or rather, a development through survival.

in a horrific and real way, mari never knew what it meant to be mari dai. they grew up in a household that took those initial pieces of her, waiting to blossom, and let them   (or forced them to)   shrink back into nothing but roots. these are things that are still inside of her, no matter the verse, but depending on how they're fed and nourished, and how much mari is willing to expose them, they can either grow, or remain stagnant. even if her getting to explore who she was wasn't necessarily going to summer camp, or having sleepovers, her exposure to personal development was slim to none. those pieces of baby mari were fragmented, and eventually hidden inside of her heart. the actual ability to make them into something more than that sat at zero for a great majority of her life. mari walked into this world, and had books about animals, the space between her elementary school and home to look at insects at, and jiujitsu classes. she had one brother to nurture and care for   (until she didn’t), a mother who she eventually learned she needed to accept the risks if she was going to approach her, and a father that she avoided at all costs for her own survival. her world was incredibly small. her options were very limited. what she knew was immensely isolated. she learned, very quickly, how to be the caretaker, the forgiver, the secret keeper, the comforter, and the collateral damage all at once.

if we were to look at current day mari, we see contrasting pieces of that younger version of self. current day mari is manipulative, limits connection, and repeatedly tries to sever the ties to her former self   (as seen through the god delusion). she is violent, mean, cares about seemingly no one, and doesn't try to make friends, nor even tell truth about herself. quite a lot of this is due to trauma, and instinctive reflexes to   "protect"  herself, but it's incredibly important to question that if those behaviors are her protecting herself, then what does that mean she is protecting? if those behaviors are simply compulsive reflex to her experiences, and not wanting them to happen again, then by proxy of such, there is something behind all of that. more importantly, there is someone behind all of that.

mari's formative years were rooted in her trauma. for individuals who experienced impact points at older ages, sometimes it can result in thoughts similar to   "what has happened to me,"   or   "why am i reacting like this."   for mari, this is not a thought. she was raised in such an isolating environment, and then surged herself into the abyss, and kept herself in a dark she knew. mari does not wonder what has become of her, because her development was so flooded with these continual experiences that shaped her. to her, she simply grew up. she never had an ability to understand or see who she could be without those circumstances or experiences, and identifies those former pieces of self as her simply   "being a kid."   in mari's mind, she once wanted friends, tried to make connections, and felt like she didn’t fit in. she was sad that her parents were so loud, or her house was so scary, yet still hopeful mark was going to take her with him when she was younger. but then she   “grew up,”   “got real with herself, ”   and   “wasn’t so childish”   about things anymore, which translated out to committing arson, pushing back at their parents, drinking / doing drugs to   "deal with it,"   gave up hope on mark, and eventually her own violence worked alongside it. to mari, that's just not being a kid anymore. she doesn't have the groundwork necessary to be able to identify that not only her childhood was taken away, but their adulthood was, too.

on one hand, mari did grow up. she grew up relentlessly, quickly, and without mercy. she grew up harshly, brutally, and fighting for her own survival. but when we look at the core pieces of who mari dai used to be, before she fully and completely began to fragment out into wielding her life as a weapon, we still see these pieces remain. we still see the young girl who moved snails out of harm's way, because we now have current day mari doing the very same action. we still see the six year old girl, hiding under her covers and peeking through a butterfly pop-up book with a flashlight, because mari still takes the time to go butterfly hunting. we continue to witness glimpses of middle school mari dai, who just wanted to play music out loud   (and subsequently couldn't for her own safety)   when we see current day mari turn her radio up to astronomical volumes in the car, regardless if she feels she cannot do the same in her own home. we see flashes of mari dai, who held out hope and love for a family that never existed, in the way she loves now  —  endlessly, boundlessly, and to extreme extents. mari loves like a child loves. she forgives the way a child forgives. she enjoys plenty of activities with the wonder and awe a child would. we catch glimpse after glimpse of that little girl, peeking out from where mari has hidden her, through arts and crafts, aquarium visits, giving stuffed animals to children at theme parks, or how she loves.

regardless of how we see current day mari step into the bloodshed, brutality, and violence, and wield it as a method of control and safety for her psyche, we also see something else underneath it. if we're to say that mari's background is a coming of age story, then we have to confront if this is all she is capable of. is that little girl, sat right where she was hidden, incapable of growing up? is mari, as a person, past the point of no return? the truth is, is that mari being a product of her environment doesn't end when her background story does. mari being a product of her environment extends and flourishes in interpersonal dynamics with other people. that little girl wanted friends, and current day mari does, too. they wanted love, care, and compassion. she wanted support, encouragement, and things to look forward to. however, what mari has associated with looking forward to or expecting from those wants / needs is so rooted in the dark that she knows, but her being a product of her environment   (from beginning to end)   means that this doesn't have to remain. it doesn't have to stay the same.

mari is incredibly ingrained into her behaviors. she is stubborn, and combative. she is closed off, and hard to get in with. she doesn’t see people as people before a moment of significant connection. she's quick to recoil, abandon, or kill. overall, mari presents like she is someone who is stagnant in some areas, and more moveable in others. she seems as if she's someone who you need to pick your battles with. but familiarity, for mari, is what she surrounds herself with. these high adrenaline, extremely dark, violent, and harmful scenarios are what she understands. it is everything the world has taught her about. mari struggles, time and time again, to realize that just because she understands the darkest pieces of the world, doesn't mean she understands the rest of it. she often goes through dynamics where what they've understood from their past, and what she can begin to imagine for her future, is a massive adjustment and difficult reconciliation for her. coming to terms with not limiting herself to this very strict set of guidelines is terrifying. walking into a space that she doesn’t truly understand what she’s walking into is intimidating. she, more often than not, boxes herself in. but when we set other players into motion, or when mari allows people in, the concept of her life can begin to transform before her very eyes. it can expand to become something new entirely, for better, or for worse. 

none of this is to say that mari is someone who will be capable of getting a happy ending tied up in a bow for her to ride off into the sunset, nor is it to say that she suddenly will wake up and have that disconnect from not seeing people as people removed from her psyche. there are certain pieces of mari that will always remain, both past and present. her upbringing and experiences have created levels of indelible damage. there has been irreversible harm to both mari herself, and others. impact points will still remain impact points. scars will still remain scars. the ugly reality is that mari does not have the accessibility, nor resources available to begin to receive help, even if she was in any sort of place to seek it out. all of this is simply more to say that mari is not past the point of no return. she is not too far gone, nor is she incapable of reacquainting herself with these underdeveloped pieces inside of her.

for a character like mari, who is saturated in crime, horror, and built around the injustices of the so-called justice system, it is essential to look at them through a nuanced perspective in order to understand exactly who she is. the world did not give her a chance, and we must consider what that means in a grander perspective. she's a dead-girl walking, so what would it mean for her to resurrect those pieces of herself? what happens if her resurrection isn't about being someone different, but being the person you could've been? mari is a ghost story if you let her be, but she is not doomed to the narrative, and that is the point. the crux of mari's character is a question to our own conscience and world around us. who do we condemn, and who do we not? who do we see as unsalvageable or unsaveable? where do we draw the line, or is there a line to begin with? do we only see mari as her current day self, or do we mourn for baby mari, too? it is not too late for mari to find something different, but how does she do that, without resources? how does she relearn life, if no one helps her?

mari dai, given the right circumstances, can grow up. so, now our question becomes: how does she make her first steps to try?

[skaldish]

Hi there, hope all’s well! 🌷

I just came across your post about the emotional starvation of (cis) boys (excellent visualization of what the majority of boys/men go through from the get go).

In my day to day life I offer services and rituals to celebrate and honor women in ways that the world often has not; and I work to be all inclusive (nb, trans, and whatever might fall in between or outside of that). This work uses, showcases, AND teaches this feeling of sorority/sisterhood/community safety.

In order to balance out towards the other side—because I have been saying this same thing about boys and men missing this vital bit of living, and therefor perpetuating the rift between men and women whether they want to or not— I’ve started apprenticing as a barber. This seems to me to be one of the “softest” self care rituals men indulge in.

Would you say, in your experience, that this type of self care and perhaps the celebration/ritualization of milestones could help boys and men interact in healthier ways with their own masculinity, and the world at large?

I mean…yes and no.

Yes, because rituals and rites are nourishment for the soul, and no, because the kind of approach you're suggesting is designed to address systemic marginalization rather than systemic isolation. The reason why you don't already see cis men seek empowerment in relation to their gender because they don't need to be.

Instead, what they covet is to belong in despite of it.

See, the way we raise boys—and the experiences boys have growing into men—teach and reinforce this specific narrative:

"It doesn't matter who I am as a person, what my personality is like, or how strong of a bond someone forms with me; the moment I'm [too girly / too manly / not manly enough / the wrong kind of man / etc] my belonging is revoked and I'm disowned."

This is a trauma so ubiquitous within our Western society that many of us write it off as a feature of the XY chromosomes as opposed to conditioning. It's as omnipresent to men as objectification is to women, and equally as despised.

The origin of male isolation comes from the same place as everyone else's disenfranchisement: Western Imperialism. Western imperialism teaches us that the way we get anything good in this world is through acts of conquest:

"We become happy by conquering sadness." "We become healthy by conquering our bodies." "We become good people by conquering the parts of us that are bad." "We become good adults by conquering our behavior as children." "We become masculine by conquering effeminacy." "We become cherished and loved by conquering the parts of ourselves that are problematic and detested." Etc.

The only way I was every able to really truly heal my lifelong traumas was by ending the reign of conquest in myself. Conquest is what traumatized me to begin with, so ending conquest is what allowed me to heal.

My guess is that the same logic can be applied on a societal scale. But it would mean changing the way we go about achieving results.

(I also want to point out that cis men actually have tons of rituals and rites of passage in relation to healthy masculinity. They're just covert, and rather than speak to one's sense of agency—which is something cis women and trans* folks desire in relation to their genders—they speak to one's sense of belonging, which is, again, what cis men desire in relation to theirs.)

It's a huge topic. It's taken days for me to even write this reply because there's so much about it I could say. Let me know if you want me to address something specific.

[lunamagicablu]

Fai solo quello che ti nutre davvero. Il resto abbandonalo. Non perdere tempo con attività per te noiose, con persone che non riescono ad arricchirti, con situazioni fastidiose. Stai perdendo il tuo tempo. E con esso anche le energie. Le tue preziose energie vitali. Quelle che ti permettono di evolvere, di crescere, di comprendere. Ma se sono impegnate in altro come puoi trovare la tua via? Come puoi seguire la strada se sei stanco, triste, abbattuto, svuotato? Hai mai visto un cavaliere stanco della vita vincere la sua battaglia? Si vince se si è centrati, presenti, attenti e vitali. E per esserlo bisogna abbandonare ciò che non fa per noi. Anche se è la rassicurante ma paludosa abitudine, anche se ci fa sembrare egoisti, anche se va contro la recita che stiamo mettendo in atto da sempre. Segui ciò che ti appassiona, ciò che ti ricarica, quello che non ti stanca e tutto ciò che ti rapisce completamente e amorevolmente. Ubriacati delle tue passioni. Senza sensi di colpa, senza ragionamenti, senza alcun tipo di paura. Il mondo ha bisogno di persone vive, creative, vere. Non farti distrarre da notizie, eventi o persone che vogliono bloccare la tua vitalità imprigionandoti nella paura, nella vergogna o nella disperazione. Svegliamoci e andiamo nel mondo fieri, vigili ed entusiasti. Fai solo quello che ti nutre davvero. In modo spietato. Senza se e senza ma. Questa è la vera rivoluzione, dentro e fuori di noi. Elena Barnabè art on Pinterest ********************* Only do what truly nourishes you. Abandon the rest. Don't waste time with activities that are boring for you, with people who can't enrich you, with annoying situations. You're wasting your time. And with it also your energy. Your precious vital energy. The energy that allows you to evolve, to grow, to understand. But if they are busy with something else, how can you find your way? How can you follow the road if you are tired, sad, dejected, empty? Have you ever seen a knight tired of life win his battle? You win if you are centered, present, attentive and vital. And to be so, you have to abandon what is not for us. Even if it is the reassuring but swampy habit, even if it makes us seem selfish, even if it goes against the play we have always been putting on. Follow what you are passionate about, what recharges you, what does not tire you and everything that completely and lovingly captivates you. Get drunk on your passions. Without guilt, without reasoning, without any kind of fear. The world needs living, creative, real people. Do not be distracted by news, events or people who want to block your vitality by imprisoning you in fear, shame or desperation. Let's wake up and go into the world proud, alert and enthusiastic. Do only what really nourishes you. Ruthlessly. Without ifs and buts. This is the real revolution, inside and outside of us. Elena Barnabè art on Pinterest 

[vital-information]

"What I really realized about some of my ideas of freedom is that they were like neoliberal fantasies. It's like, 'let me choose everything,' 'leave me alone all the time,' 'don't put any demands on me--only I will make demands.' It's a dark vision, and it really took me a long time to understand that the things that I'd been taught by the capitalist 80s to believe were unfreedom are freedom. Having people who mean something to you, who you have duties towards, is not unfreedom; it's freedom. It's actual existence...To be free of meaning is not freedom. Now my life is full of meanings, sometimes they're difficult, sometimes they're painful, but it's absolutely full. I don't think children are the only root to that kind of meaning, but I absolutely think you have to find something other than yourself to focus on.

...

When I meet a lot of other lady writers, I know, when we first had children we spent our whole time talking about how we were somehow trapped or imprisoned, but that's the most superficial idea of what a relation with other people is like. Now I consider all my relations--my friends, my dog, my husband, my family--as things that liberate me from myself. They are absolute freedom to me, and without them I would just be completely lost. A dog can do this for you, a cat can do this for you, going down to the larder and volunteering can do this for you. You just need to be among other people at some point, because otherwise it's hard to find in yourself (or for me anyway) a reason to go on.

...

It's a question of what does that freedom involve. I notice with the 'children thing' is that, at least in my own case, you spend so long battling to try and retain your own space. Then, when you look at what you've battled for, it isn't very much. These children are about to grow and disappear so quickly that you're going to get what you want sooner than you can imagine. All of these things are so out of sync with our capitalist discourse which is about 'you do you,' 'get what you want.' When it comes into conflict with this other thing, I guess we have in our heads, 'Am I become some kind of Victorian or old-fashioned person who is domesticated and a traditional woman.' We fight against that as if there's no liberating version of being connected to other people. That is the triumph of capitalism: it convinces you that it's just you and the shops, it's just you and the phone, and that's all that there is. Where there is an older vision of solidarity between people, within families, between children, between men and men, women and women, men and women--a community that is freeing. It's not a trap. It's like the only thing that brings joy.

...

I also think that's one of the tricks of the patriarchy: it makes you feel that all the traditional, supposedly feminine arts are humiliating. But why are they humiliating? In my house, it was the other way around. My dad was the cook. My dad was the cleaner. My mom was working a lot. My dad did a lot of those things. They're not humiliating when a man does them, apparently--[Interviewer Annie Macmanus: They're noble.]--He's been dead a long time, and sometimes, I can think of a meal he used to cook me, and it will bring me to tears. It was an art. And it was nourishing. And it was beautiful. And I'm so grateful. It was an act of love. I can't cook like that. My children will never have those memories of me. But, it's not nothing. It's the art of living. If it was a supposedly traditionally male art, you'd be getting awards for it...So I really resent the idea that these things are humiliating, even when I am picking up pants off the stairs, I think, 'I'm doing something for somebody else.' There is something noble in that, I hope.

Of course, the frustration is real. I think men suffer it just as much as women. I think to the credit of many contemporary men, they are doing absolutely the same amount of work...So the frustration is no longer purely female, which might be one of the triumphs of feminism. It's now something that lots of people have to experience, men and women. It's not that it's not real, but I have come to realize that [the frustration]'s not entirely debilitating. When it comes to art making, frustration can be really useful. Not being able to write, having your hands tied for part of every day, when I get down to my desk, I can't wait. Whereas when I was twenty-seven, I do remember embarrassingly moping around saying, 'Oh, I've got writer's block,' 'Oh, I've got ennui.' That to me now is like a comic thing, a ridiculous person who can't be taken seriously."

Zadie Smith, interviewed on Changes with Annie Macmanus

[liminally-charged]

If I ever get to run a new DnD campaign, I'd like play with the idea of gods as an infection or a virus.

Something that infects a host in a metaphysical way. A tiny godling attaches itself to/invades your body or soul, feeding off residual energy your body produces. Sometimes these infections might come with literal diseases that attack your body, sometimes you receive strange visions in your dreams, sometimes you just feel a little itch-like compulsion at the back of your brain.

Like a rose in a walled garden, you can nourish your godling, make it grow. It has no mind of its own, but it craves things; perhaps you are more inclined to give into a certain emotion, to pursue a lavish lifestyle, to stay in a mountainous environment, to eat the flesh of the dead, to isolate and avoid seeing healers about the rash that is quickly spreading across your arm... And you can impact the diet of your godling on your own volition. Your godling demands blood, you only feed it the blood of evil beings or animals. Your godling demands companionship, so you join an adventuring party or visit every brothel in every city.

A symbiotic godling may grow into an extension of yourself, or gain a voice of its own that aligns with your priorities. If you decide to help every stray animal you come across, your godling might grow into a god of Embrace, and subsequently lend or strenghten powers of healing or similar. It might also change your body a bit in accordance with its new nature, for better or worse. The rose in your walled garden has turned into a beautful rose bush.

A parasitic god would just force itself upon you and harm you if you don't indulge it. Your godling has turned into a god of Love, and wants to force you to spread love to all those around you at any cost. It will change your body howrver it sees fit. Your rose has now overgrown the walls of your garden, its roots digging into the stone and earth.

So the "gods" of this setting would just be mortals who've carried their infection for a long time, amassing more power over time - so much so that they break the laws of reality. They have become embodiments of their core concepts. The lumberjack whose godling desired the solitude of the forest has become a woodland valley, a giant mothertree at its center. The rat whose godling desired the sunlight above all else has become a swarm of winged translucent rodents that travels with the seasons. Your garden is packed with roses now.

This opens up a few other questions I'll havr to think about more. Can a godling infection be transmitted? Can an immune system purge itself from a godling? What happens if you just don't indulge a symbiotic godling? I'll need to figure this out at some point.