#it’s the only opportunity that wouldn’t undermine his death

[shouldprobablybereading]

Officially at the halfway point (well 49%) and so far it’s a lot better than what I expected. I’ve had a lot of fun with days 4 and 5 specifically

Biggest disappointment so far is probably the spiritual realm flashbacks. They’re not bad. But I don’t feel like they reveal enough to be worth how much space they are taking up each. Which is a bit about how I feel overall. It’s using so many words but not effectively. It’s also a bit repetitive so far since all plots points are based on doing essentially the same type of thing over and over.

Which becomes a problem when I’m expecting this to be the last time I see at least a few of these characters. That was expected as it was my main problem with the lost metal. If this is the last 400 pages that I get with the characters then I want them to be at their most interesting. But instead they get split off on 45 different missions and the entire book becomes about describing action scenes

Surprisingly Szeth is actually the best part of his own book so far. He’s never been one of my favorites so I thought his flashbacks would be a bit boring. But no shinovar is deeply fascinating and I’m starting to actually get his character

[missglaskin]

i feel like Otto would use Daemon and Rhaenyra’s secret wedding, mere days after their partners funerals, as the sole ammunition to have Rhaenyra disinherited and second-born!Reader named the Princess of Dragonstone after Otto reminds Viserys the sole reason Rhaenyra was chosen was to prevent Daemon from having the throne. and Alicent will begin planting the seeds of a doubt in Viserys mind that some may not want a the Reader on a throne because she’s adopted but if she married Aegon, the firstborn son, she wouldn’t be contested. that Aegon was better fitted as a consort anyways.

and the Velaryons have mixed feelings about the whole ordeal because Corlys really wanted his blood on the throne but Rhaenys believes the reader will be a much better ruler.

she’s kind of like the “peoples princess” if that makes sense. from a young age she began serving as the king’s cupbearer, allowing her the opportunity to watch the council work, and even there were times when she spoke up. advocating on behalf of the servants for better living conditions or pushing for repairs on the sewage system underneath the city.

not even Rhaenyra could deny that the reader would make a good queen but there’s some resentment directed to her father, angry he still won’t accept that she loves Daemon and there confusion as she watches Daemon wrap a beautiful necklace around the reader’s neck

I apologize for the long haitus, I wanted to return with something so here it is.

The plot just thickens

Before Daemon and Rhaenyra secret wedding, Alicent was already sowing seeds of doubt in Viserys's mind (the reader doesn't have any bastards, last she checked but even so it doesn’t count).And it would be a great irony if Viserys sent Otto away thinking he wanted Aegon to be king (which might be partially true), when in reality it’s the reader he desired to be in the throne. With Lyonel's death, and Rhaenyra's decision to move to Dragonstone with Laenor despite wanting to stay with her sister. Otto and Alicent are only given a better advantage to continue casting doubt on Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra and Daemon's marriage seals the deal, and soon after, they are summoned by a raven from King's Landing.

While the Velaryons may have mixed feelings, they are all in support of the reader in being the chosen heir. It’s Rhaenys who encourages Corlys’ decision to swear his fealty to her. It doesn’t help that Rhaenys believes Rhaenyra and Daemon are the cause for her son’s death and them marrying right after Laena’s death only adds salt to the wound. Rhaenys genuinely believes the reader will be a much better ruler. 

When the reader is named heir, there is one final step for both Alicent and Otto to ensure her position (or as they like to say). So it comes as little surprise when the reader is revealed to be wed to Aegon. She already has gained a great deal of knowledge regarding politics throughout the years she was compelled to relocate to accommodate the entire family, from Driftmark to King's Landing to Dragonstone. Alicent and Otto took a step further in letting the reader act as the king's cupbearer, and Viserys naturally agreed. Unlike Rhaenyra who felt undermined in the council, the reader isn't cut off when advocating for herself, rather, she's backed by the green council. 

As you mentioned, she has earned the title of the "people's princess” through her charity, her advocacy for improved living conditions for the castle's servants as well insistence on repairing the sewage systems and for better roads. Tales abound in the city about the princess who visits orphanages, escorted, of course, by the finest knights, among them Ser Criston Cole. With all of that, simply wedding the reader to Aegon, already wins him favor at king's landing, besides, it's evident to the court that it's the reader who holds all the power.

It's an internal struggle for Rhaenyra; she feels waves of resentment and anger, sometimes aimed at her father and other times at the reader. But, she can never take the reader's actions personally, not after she offers Rhaenyra dragonstone or when she vows to make her the hand when she ascends the iron throne. So how can she ever be genuinely upset at her beloved sister whom she also thinks would make a wonderful queen?

And for Daemon, whom she observes draping a beautiful necklace—akin to the one he gave her years ago—around her sister's neck. She observes as her ever naive sister turns to face him, beaming as thanks him for the gift.

And for Daemon who she watches wrapping a beautiful necklace around her sister’s neck, similar to the one he gifted her a long time ago. She watches as her sister turns to him, beaming and thanking him for the gift, her sister so naive and innocent. But it won’t be long before Viserys catches wind of it, and if not him, Otto and Alicent will and this is the last thing they ever wish to happen. For they know, no matter how many times they Banish Daemon, he will always find his way to return to your side.

[shini--chan]

How would England and China react to s/o finding out they killed or staged there child's death just because the child wasn't theirs and the s/o becomes either insane or kills themselves because of it?

Not gonna go all the way to that last one. Trigger warning: forced separation, child death, suicidal ideation, emotional abuse, suicide attempt

Yandere Hetalia - China, England (Heart Blood) 

China

“Don’t you think that you are overreacting a bit?”, he asked over the howling wind. 

Yao was thankful that he had elected to still keep his hair tied back once returning from work. Though, it wasn’t like he had had a lot of time and opportunity to settle down - he had noticed you standing on the edge of the roof when pulling into the parking lot. With the momentary surge of panic that sight had inflicted upon him, he had gone bounding into the house and taking the quickest route to the top. 

You turned to him, loose hair whipping into your eyes. Still, the tear stains on your checks were visible and your eyes were red rimmed. Your lips were pressed tightly together and upturned to a grimace. Finally, you opened your mouth and whispered some words into the wind. 

“What did you say?”, he inquired, having not heard you. 

“You made me believe my child is dead! How dare you! You monster! Wasn’t that overreacting? Am I not allowed to be a mother?”, you ranted, obviously heartbroken. You hadn’t taken the news of your child’s demise well, so when you found out it had been all staged, your reaction had been even worse. 

Yao had left you alone at home today after a contentious discussion at the breakfast table, intent on getting some room to breathe and then resolving the matter. For all intents and purposes, you had other ideas. 

Lost in your grief and the feeling of betrayal, you shut your mouth and turned back to the ledge of the roof and leaned forward. Best end this all before the pain grew all the more. 

However, upon realising the imminent danger you were putting yourself in, he immediately sprung to action. A deft hand grabbed you by the collar of your pullover and harshly tugged your back. 

A gagging sound was forced out of your mouth by the violent change in motion and by the collar pressing into your windpipe and trachea. Skin was scraped open as your shins were dragged over the rough concrete of the ledge. You collided with his chest, and he stumbled backwards with you haphazardly locked in his arms. You weren’t going to die; not on his watch. 

China would use the whole incident and your reaction against you. He would argue that you’re unstable and therefore unsuited to be the legal guardian of anybody. Removing the child from your care would have just been a measure to ensure everybody’s welfare, the same applying to his decision of presenting the child’s absence as death to you. You attempting to take your own life would just play into this narrative. 

Once the attempt would be over, he would have you locked up in a psychiatric ward for a few weeks. The staff there would be under strict instruction to not give you a chance of tracking the passage of time or following the events of the outside world in any capacity. This would serve to take away some semblance of reality from you. Yao would have the intention of forcing you to adopt a coping mechanism, with something relatively non-destructive like depersonalisation/derealisation being preferable to other mechanisms like forming addictions or the like. 

Would use the fact that you were institutionalised to undermine your social standing, and to present himself as generous and optimistic and so smitten with you. Since it wouldn’t be actual insanity, he would have the opportunity to quickly reintroduce you to society and garner respect and esteem due to playing such an important role in your “recovery”.  

England

You were in bed, again. In Arthur’s high opinion, this was slowly getting way out of hand. Idleness was only a good look on the ill, and you were perfectly healthy in his eyes. Of course, the events of the past few weeks had been hard on you, it was expected for you to give in to grief. After finding traces of his responsibility in the death of your child, it was understandable that you were upset; not that that would be tolerated any longer though. 

Arthur stood up, and set the newspaper he had been reading to the side. Then, he went over to the window and ripped the curtains open. Back on the bed, you just blinked a few times due to the changes in lighting and then went back to staring blankly ahead. What a pity, even some noises of protest would have been preferable to your non-reaction. 

With a scowl plastered on his face, he strode over to your side, and wrenched one of your arms up. Quiet muttering commenced, just to taper off after a few seconds. Disappointing. 

“Can you really not say anything of meaning anymore?”, he spat at you and then wrenched you out of bed. You crumbled to the floor in a sorry heap, seemingly not conscientious of any pain inflicted. 

When you still didn’t move a single muscle even after a few minutes, he wriggled his arms underneath your armpits and hoisted you into the air. Next, he wrapped an arm around your waist to prevent you from falling in on yourself again, as you seemed so wont to do. 

A calloused hand grasped your face, and forced you to look at him. Not that it helped much, from the looks of it, with your bovine stare and flat affect. 

“Can’t you be more useless”, he remarked snidely. 

Arthur would find the whole affair very annoying. You just had to be clever enough to find out about his involvement in your child’s murder and you just had to be so sensitive to fall to insanity/catonia. At first, he would think that it is merely something that you need to snap out of, and proceed to wait. Maybe he’ll even be able to catch you red-handed at being “normal”. When that doesn’t occur, then he’ll go down the route of trying to provoke a reaction out of you. 

While he would love the fact that you aren’t cursing him out, or trying to run away anymore, your predicament would be the cause of a different frustration for him. Never had been wanted an inanimate object as a love interest. You are supposed to have a measure of your own agency, provided you heed his whims and desires. 

Would try to cure you or even just force you to become more reactive through a mixture of drugs that provoke/suppress certain emotions. In continuation, he would use any ensuing addictions to have tighter control over you. 

[percyposting]

Now while I am of course critical of them as characters, I’m not that crazy about when people, when talking about Percy and his family, either put all the blame on one side or the other. Like, when people who don’t take the time to understand Percy’s perspective will say he was unjust and didn’t love his family and a scorn upon the Weasleys, which is obviously a very black and white and incorrect perspective on his character which literally is incorrect when you reference the canon. But on the other hand, I don’t always agree with some of the ways people defend him, either, because a lot of those statements are also black and white; for example when people say Arthur is a terrible father, or that Percy’s siblings are unwaveringly cruel, or that Percy didn’t make any mistake/he was imperiused. I especially hateeeee that last theory specifically because it really undermines everything that he was going through during the course of the story and does more damage to his character than anything. He made the choices he did not because he’s a bad person but because he was like nineteen and wasn’t being listened to and he was being manipulated by the individual Minister’s he worked under because they were targeting his biggest weakness which is that he comes from a poor family that have been labeled as ‘blood-traitors’ and because of that, he was not born with as many opportunities that others are, and this clearly effects him as he brings it up during his argument with Arthur. He blames Arthur for their struggles, while he is wrong about this it’s not like he’s given much help to see why he’s wrong. Percy is naive and believes he’s smarter than he is (not slander of course, like these are very reasonable things to be as a 18-19 year old) so it leads to him thinking he understands how the world works but really he’s stuck in this box his government/society has built around him. And I think the rest of the Weasley’s are only a tad bit more enlightened, because they don’t seem to recognize this. They just don’t realize that Percy is just as much a victim of this system as they are, and can’t help but point fingers and resent one another.

I wouldn’t say any one of the Weasley’s are really at any major fault here. Percy misunderstands that the reason he’s struggling is not because his father’s lack of effort in his work or in providing for his family, but it’s because his father is actually a decent employee but the institution he works for will never give him any benefits or a raise because they hate him and his family. This is one of the major reasons for Percy’s split between his family, and it’s not his fault, nor his family’s fault, it’s the fault of the pureblood aka oppressive and corrupt society that they live in that actively promotes their downfall. Along with any other person that doesn’t match their blood purist beliefs.

I don’t think any of the Weasleys hated each other. I believe they loved each other VERY much, and the forces actively and canonically working against them nearly succeeded in tearing their family — but in the end they ultimately failed because that the Weasley’s truly do love each other and never wanted to be split apart. That’s what I think people miss when they attempt to defend one or the other: they misunderstand that no one is the villain but corruption, manipulation, and misplaced blame. Percy was young and tricked into believing something hopeful after his entire future was almost crushed (Barty Crouch Snr’s death and the subsequent investigation). Arthur didn’t want to believe his son would actually align himself with the enemy and tried to get Percy to understand the truth, but this only causes more friction because he goes about it wrong, instead insulting Percy’s capabilities, which are his most tender subject. And Percy’s siblings grew up in a loud, chaotic house where there wasn’t enough validation to go around, so they accidentally began resenting each other as time went on, most of the time because one was getting what the other wanted or (like Percy getting constant praise and attention for his academic achievements while the twins watch, waiting to be scolded for ‘not being successful like Percy.’) These are common family difficulties! They’re very realistic. And I don’t think it points to anyone being the bad guy, just that they may have said and did some bad or hurtful things, but by the end of the book most of these things are resolved because the Weasleys find each other again and go “I’m sorry, I love you, and I forgive you.”

[girl4music]

SPOILERS FOR ‘WYNONNA EARP: VENGEANCE’.

Doc’s Death. It is indeed a CHOICE to kill Doc off.

BUT … I felt it was the right choice for his own character development to endgame in death after having dodged death so many times already. I felt it made sense. Did I expect it? Certainly not. But I got it.

However, whether it should have happened in the special is debatable for me. It could have just easily have happened in 4x11… because apparently vampires in this Universe are just as fragile as the humans are… unless Emily had just forgotten Mercedes was one. 🤷‍♀️

But then I think about what that would have even accomplished for him to die then as opposed to what it did for him to die in the special. No heroic ending. At the very least you can say Doc died for the purpose of keeping his family safe. It’s just the same as Wynonna would have done - actually attempted to do too - until Nicole narced on her and her and Waverly went to get her back. Saving the hero every now and then is fine and something you would expect they would do if the heroes team love their hero. It’s something they would have of course done for Doc too if Doc had told them.

He didn’t because he believed it was his time and he had all the agency of where, when and how he’d die. And deaths for major characters like that are always fine for me on account of the fact that I understand it because I’d do the very same for my loved ones too.

We all would if we’re any kind of decent people.

But all the character storytelling aside - was it a choice made to shock and shake all in the purpose and effort to get more content to come out of it?

Yes, it was. That’s unfortunate but that’s the business. We can sit here and say “it’s better if they just left it alone” but we knew pretty much from the beginning that this continuation of WEARP was an opportunity to reboot it and we know they all wouldn’t have signed on to do it if that wasn’t a possibility for them. More work, more payment. It’s not shocking by any means.

And I mean if anything - the only one who didn’t do it for that was Tim. But then again - it’s supernatural/fantasy. You can bring characters back if you so wish and I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a pitched story later down the line in Emily’s mind. I hope not though because - as I said - I don’t want to undermine his death and the power of the action he made in dying.

So I see Doc’s death both ways.

The in-show way and the out-of-show way.

My personal opinion however remains the same either way. I believe it was the right choice overall for the character and the right choice overall for the creator.

I acknowledge it’s upsetting and even disappointing.

But ultimately - I don’t agree. I’ll just leave it at that.

I’ve said this before but WEARP has never treated its male characters very well. It has always shafted them.

It’s a feminine show. Should we expect any different? The counterpoint in the storytelling will always go to the female characters because they’re the heroes in it.

At the least - just like Dolls - I’m glad Doc died as one. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t want it. But I’m fine with it.

There’s been many times where characters I love in TV art/entertainment have died. All I really care about at the end of the day is whether I think it makes sense and it’s the right choice overall to kill off a character. Do I like the fact that it’s done so the creator can continue their IP on? Not really. But I’m not shocked that the business is put first. I’d only do the very same as a creator that has the rare opportunity to do and get more out of their creation. So I understand Emily.

However, I do really have to apologize for my earlier behaviour because it was out of line and when I had calmed down and read those posts back - I realized that in my urge and insistence to defend the creators/cast/crew I just forgot that everyone has a right to an opinion no matter how much in disagreement I am on it and that that’s obviously the point when you release content. The audience always makes the judgement.

It just happens to be that MY judgement is positive but there has been many times when engaging with TV art/entertainment when it hasn’t been and I would have never have expected to be treated in that way.

Once again - I’m sorry. I need to “park my temper” for a spell as Doc would say. I’m going to miss him… a lot. But I do believe Doc has “made his peace” and I also believe that we should respect the choice he made so - at the very least - I ask,... Please don’t resurrect him.

There were other choices made in this special that are still odd ones but far less controversial ones I am not even in the slightest in agreement with. Oh well… ✌️

[mari-lair]

Akane is the only character to have ever been explicitly shown to both enjoy being alive and value life as a whole.

Ghosts envy the living, they crave life, but despite hanging out with ghosts all the time and feeling their envy, many human characters don’t seem to appreciate life. 

Nene and Kou are optimists, genuinely kind people, but they can be insensitive in their naivety. They recognize Hanako killing someone is “a bad thing” but that seems to be the most they allow themselves to process. If possible, they will push the knowledge Hanako is a killer far away.

When his kill is brought up, they try to justify his actions, jumping at the opportunity to forgive him. They don’t consider the act of taking someone’s life away a deal breaker, like Hanako does, because the act is not as heavy when you don’t fully treasure life.

Kou has been able to see spirits since young so the idea of death is muddier for him. Still, he lost his mom, was deeply troubled by Nene’s lifespan, and had Mitsuba vent in tears about how envious he is of Kou for being alive, and yet, Kou still tries to jump off a building, he is constantly too blinded by his own insecurity complex to grasp how valuable his life is, unaware his death would deeply hurt his loved ones. 

He gets better at seeing the value of life after visiting Sousuke’s mom, and venting in the red house to Tsukasa about how much it hurts to lose a family member but I wouldn’t say he is happy to be alive. 

He still dismisses his own well being, and shows a lack of self-awareness when people are worried about him, because he thinks his life isn’t valuable, his skills or lack of are what have value.

“I’ll clean up when I get back” is his first response not “I’m safe, don’t worry”.

It's obvious Teru was worried about his safety here, not the dirty dishes, but the thought never crosses Kou’s mind.

Unlike Kou, Nene loves being alive and has plenty of desires, hopes, plans for the future, and dreams.

If asked, I’m sure she would say life is a beautiful thing, she wants to enjoy her life even if short, but she doesn’t understand the comcept of life and death very well, and that makes her unable to grasp how fragil life is.

Enjoying your life and treasuring life as a whole are very different things.

Unless the person is truly gone, Nene is quick to forgive and forget. Danger is danger, and once it passes, it passes. She just takes life for granted.

When she decided to stay on the far shore with Hanako without telling anyone, and undermined the value of her own life, she was incredibly naive. 

If her plan had worked, and she had died, she would have put Aoi in the same position she had been in: saved at the cost of her friend’s life ‘for her own good’, while also roping Kou into a plan he didn’t know about (you can’t convince me Kou would have helped Nene if he was aware she planned to kill herself.)

She doesn’t want to think about these things, she likes to be optimistic! But since she doesn’t allow herself to really process death, she doesn’t understand life.

She chalks dying as “I’ll be like Hanako and stay in a boundary with him”, she tries her best to reassure herself that she is fine with losing everything: her home, and a future with weddings,  college plans, and jobs, all for the sake of love. She treats her decision as one would a very long trip, a runaway romance.

She had to be told exactly what will happen, how much of herself, which she loves, she would lose if she tried to stay. The idea of loss, of death, is something that she tries not to think about, so it greatly distraught her.

Even Teru, whose job is to protect the living and put their safety above it all had admitted this idea is not something that comes easy to him. 

Yes, he value life, and he understands how precious it is, but his view on it is not that simple: This value was taught from a young age by the same clan that has a history of human sacrifices. 

Teru has a detachment to the concept of death, since he was born able to see spirits and he travels to the far shore, which takes some weight from the idea that “death is the end” while being personally affected by it, since his mom died without regrets, without leaving a spirit behind.

Teru can understand loss, he can process that death is a terrible thing. He is genuine in his kindness to people, but it doesn’t feel personal. He values life but he doesn’t treasure it, he treasures his family and close friends only. 

Saving people is intricately intertwined with responsibilities for Teru, and he is a very arrogant and proud person, he takes his responsibility serious. His professional view on life is simple, almost heroic, but his personal view on life is skewed: There is contradiction to his values.

Dedicating his time to save others makes it so he can’t enjoy his own life to the fullest.

And there are moments when he feels tired of being a protector, almost resenting it.

He would never kill a person, but he jokes too much about destroying humanity to not betray the feeling that maybe, if there was no life to protect, he could finally live his own life.

Akane on the other hand sees life as something beautiful and worth protecting: Something to treasure.

He wasn’t taught to do so. His feelings on it are not complicated, he simply enjoys being alive, and that appreciation skyrocketed once he nearly lost Aoi to the clock keepers.

He doesn’t dislike supernaturals because of a job or a duty, he wasn’t even aware they existed before his contract with the clock keepers. This hate he feels for them is personal, born out of his own beliefs. 

He understands death is the end. He understands how fragile a human life is. And he hates how careless supernatural are, not hesitating to play with it

He has no respect for someone that is willing to murder someone, and he feels strange when people are too easy to forguive them.

Similarly, his respect visibly raises when he notices a person falls into his beliefs. Once he realized Teru’s job isn’t just supernatural extermination, and that he will go out of his way to save lives, his view changes drastically.

Teru was perceived as an asshole, a tyrannical demon in Akane’s life.

And Teru may still be an asshole in Akane’s eyes, but no one that goes out of their way to save people can be a demon.

Even when Akane dragged Aoi into the far shore, his goal was to keep her away from No.6, who he knew wanted to kill her, and to not be separated.

He isn’t happy when they fall, he fights to get back, he’ll march on with a hole in his chest and keep struggling, bleeding out, instead of resting, because he needs to get back.

There is no “Now that we have each other, I can rest”, there is no "Let’s die and be together forever.”

He doesn’t want only to be together, he wants her to live. He wants them both to live. 

Because life is precious to him.

[badwritinghabit]

Chef's Kiss | Carmy x fem!OC x Luca | Chapter 1

Next Chapter | Masterlist | Ao3 Warnings: language, grief, disordered eating, brief mentions of death/suicide, smoking. This is not canon compliant. Word count: 2,656 Summary: Sophie sees Carmy for the first time in years. It's a little awkward.

A woman ducked under a faded red and white striped awning as the rain poured hard over head. She pulled her denim jacket tighter to her chest before reaching up and tying her dark curly hair back, missing a few strands already plastered to her face from the rain. She had followed a sudden urge to grab lunch after leaving her sister’s house and had taken a train to get to the River North neighborhood in Chicago. The sudden downpour made her wonder if she had made the wrong decision. She had already been in Chicago a few weeks and had yet to make her way to The Beef, a restaurant owned by the family of a friend she had made a few years prior when she was working in New York City.

Carmy had been the one true friend she had made in those days. The rest of the cohort of chefs she worked with were ladder climbing, ass-kissing, idiots who had actively made her life harder. She had been used to the fight and the struggle from her time in culinary school. Being a woman in the kitchen had been difficult. The men would make crass jokes and undermine her at every step. But Carmy was different, had seen her somehow. The two bonded quickly. She was putting in just as much effort and he respected her.

The late nights and early mornings working together led to a close friendship. The first few weeks were spent silently working next to each other. She had just appreciated a quiet, consistent presence. Eventually they began sharing their workload and helping each other survive the grueling life in the restaurant. That turned into smoke breaks, where she’d bum one of his cigarettes on especially hard days, or just sit next to him. Eventually they shared more and more, their lives unfolding in little snippets, shared memories that one or the other would tell in the dark alley behind their work.

She often wondered how such a strong friendship could grow from two people taking turns dumping their trauma on each other night after night. But a kind of understanding had formed. She had understood his childhood, the quiet loneliness he felt being the awkward one in a loud, overwhelming family. Her story was similar. And when she shared something from her past, he’d share as well. And they came to understand each other. He was the only one in the restaurant who she ever told about her father being a chef. How after he died she trained to follow in his footsteps.

She had to dodge out of the way as someone stepped out of the building she was hiding near. She was only a few blocks from The Beef. Carmy didn’t work there, but she knew his brother owned the restaurant. And some part of her was curious. Wanted to see this restaurant that her friend had spoken at once with such reverence and disdain. She knew he loved it and wanted desperately to help run it. She never got the full story but knew it was a source of pain and pride for him in equal measure.

The rain slowed to a drizzle after another minute and she took the opportunity to run for it. She hopped across puddles and ran through the rain, head ducked, purse clung tightly to her chest in hopes her phone and wallet inside wouldn’t get too soaked. She made it to the restaurant and pulled the door open, rushing inside quickly. She sighed, relieved, looking down at the floor. She hadn’t gotten too wet; thankfully she wasn’t dripping on their floor. She looked up and was greeted by a man with short cropped hair and a beard. He grinned at her and asked if she got stuck in the rain.

She chuckled in response. “What gave it away?” she asked, smiling at him. She pushed at the stray strands of hair, trying and failing to get the curls away from her face as she walked towards the counter. She asked for his recommendation and ended up getting a beef sandwich, hot, with a pop. She had asked for a soda but he had teased her about her regional word choice.

“It’s called pop,” he said, pointing to the sign emphatically. His grin made it clear his teasing was in good humor. She laughed. “Not from around here?”

She grimaced, knowing his response before she even said where she was from. “You caught me. From Wisconsin. Just moved from California though.”

“Wisconsin girl?” He shook his head, mock angry. “Who said you could come into this restaurant?”

She laughed. “Oh my kind isn’t welcome here?” She liked him instantly. Brash and loud, but clearly friendly and obviously joking. It was a breath of fresh air. “I was told by a friend that the next time I was in Chicago I had to try your sandwiches.”

“We need to tell our customers not to go talking about this place to just anyone,” he grumbled with a smirk. She laughed.

“Restroom this way?” she asked, looking to the side. He pointed down the hall and she thanked him.

She looked herself over in the slightly dirty restroom mirror. She was briefly tempted to stick her head under the air powered dryer but decided against it. It was very much something she would have done in New York, those days of not caring how she looked, running on nothing but red bulls and Carmy’s cigarettes. And occasionally Carmy’s granola bars, when he would force her to eat on smoke breaks.

On the off chance Carmy heard all of the restaurant gossip, she didn’t want to end up being the weird lady who dried her hair in their restroom. Instead she simply washed her hands and grabbed a few paper towels and dried off her hands, then her face and neck. She slid her jacket off her shoulders and found at least her sundress had remained mostly dry. She ought to have paid more attention to the weather this morning when she dressed, she thought regretfully.

She undid and re-did her hair, more successfully pulling most of her curls into a messy bun on the back of her neck. She stepped back out into the restaurant to see a larger man with a backwards cap and a grin peeking through the window. She smiled at him and headed to a table by the window.

“Sophie.” The man who took her order called out, before thinking better of it. “No wait, let me serve you. I know how youse guys in Wisconsin like your service.” His voice adapted an over the top Wisconsin accent. She laughed as he placed the tray in front of her with a dramatic bow.

“Ope. Thank you!” she said with a grin, her own exaggerated northern Wisconsin accent sounding terribly silly to her ears. He shook his head with a grin and walked back to the counter.

“Soph?” a familiar voice called out before she could bite into her sandwich. She snapped around to stare in shock. It was Carmy. Dressed in a dark blue t-shirt and white apron, curls falling forward over his face, her heart skipped a beat. He looked almost exactly as he had the last time she’d seen him about a few years prior. He took a step toward her and she stood and walked over, wrapping him in a hug.

“Carm,” she said, cheek pressed into his shoulder. He had gripped her tightly around the back, hugging her to him. “What are you doing here?” she asked, her head tilted up to look at him as she stepped back.

He gave her a look. “Me? This is my restaurant,” he said, like it was obvious. “You didn’t know?”

“Yours?” she asked, wide eyed. She very nearly asked more but hesitated. She knew something big must have happened. He had wanted to work in the restaurant for ages. She quickly changed the subject when she saw the hurt in his eyes. There was a story there but she would not pry. “Well I remembered you talking about this place and I’m in Chicago now so I had to stop by,” she said with a shrug.

“You know each other?” The man who had taken her order asked, leaning on the counter and looking their way.

“We worked together in New York,” Sophie said after a beat when Carmy didn’t offer anything more, just continued looking her over.

“I have to get back there.” Carmy gestured to the kitchen. “Eat. I’ll be back out in a minute.”

Sophie nodded and gave a small wave, feeling a bit silly as she did it. The man she had joked with earlier was still eyeing her over. He seemed to give in to his curiosity as he walked back and sat down at the chair across from her, making her smile.

“I’m Richie,” he introduced himself. “And you’re Sophie,” saying her name in a way that made it clear he knew something about her.

“That’s me,” she agreed. Waiting for more. He didn’t say anything. She looked at Richie then down at her food. He gestured for her to eat and she did.

She took a bite of the sandwich and held back a groan. It was amazing. Of course it was, it was Carmy’s work. She missed his cooking almost as much as his companionship. They had taken to cooking for each other the last few months he was in NYC. She had never eaten anything as good as the dinner he had made for them the night before he left for Copenhagen. The memory flooded her mind as she took another bite of the sandwich before setting it down. She hummed happily and closed her eyes.

Sometimes she missed cooking. There was something magic in a good bite of food. But the stress of the kitchen had gotten to her. And besides, she had chased another dream. She wouldn’t let herself dwell on the what if’s for too long.

“That is a fucking amazing sandwich,” she said, looking to Richie. His mouth twitched in a smile but he was clearly still thinking. “Did you have a question?” she asked, looking him over after taking a drink from her pop.

“You and Carmy?” he asked with a quirked eyebrow.

She took a moment before understanding his meaning and got annoyed at herself when she felt her cheeks warm. “Friends,” she said, definitively. “We worked together for a few months before he went to Noma,” she added.

He hummed, considering the statement but the smirk was still on his face. The door opened with a chime and Richie stood. “Welcome to Chicago, Sophie,” he said to her before turning to welcome the new customers.

She had finished her sandwich by the time Carmy returned. He walked over and clapped both hands over the chair next to hers, leaning against it to look down at her. “What’s the word?” he asked.

“Compliments to the chef. Best sandwich I’ve had in a long time. Only topped by a peanut butter and jelly I had in the summer of 2020,” she said. She would be embarrassed to admit how frequently she thought about that peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was the height of Covid and she had gotten sick and had to take off work. She was locked up in her crappy apartment with her very unhelpful roommates. Carmy had checked in on her every day over text and at one point she complained about having nothing to eat and how desperately she craved a pb&j. He had dropped off what, at the time, tasted like the most amazing sandwich she had ever had. Raspberry jam, simple salted peanut butter, amazing fluffy bread. She smiled every time she thought of it.

He huffed a laugh and pulled the chair out to sit beside her. “What are you doing here?” he asked as he sat. “You cooking in Chicago now?”

“Not full time. I did a guest spot a few weeks ago at Ever. But I’m just here for my sister,” she said, not wanting to get into too many details. She glanced over to the counter. The big guy with the beard and the cap seemed to be giggling and looking over at her. She turned back to Carmy and nervously tapped her fingers on the table.

He was still looking at her, his eyes seemed to see right through her. He could always read her too well. He glanced over towards the counter and shook his head with a sigh. “That’s Fak. He works here. Sort of.”

She nodded, not understanding at all. She felt terribly awkward. And she hated that. But she didn’t know what to say. Too much had happened and it didn’t feel like the time or place to say any of it.

“Ever. I worked there for a while. Chef Terry is fantastic,” Carmy said.

“She really is. It’s the only reason I agreed. I had just gone to eat and she offered me a spot when she was going to be cooking elsewhere. Got to make a small menu and everything. It was good,” she said, blurting out more than she planned. It always happened with Carmy. “I saw your picture there.” She smiled.

Carmy’s mouth twitched, the nearest he would get to a smile, and then looked away. “You look good,” he said, then clearly felt awkward as he leaned back in his seat. “I just mean– you know how things were when I left.”

“Yeah, I’m doing better." She had gotten better. She was having trouble eating back in those days. She wasn’t sleeping much either. The stress of working at Eleven Madison Park had gotten to her. She was fairly certain that is why Carmy would bring in snacks for her. And why he had started their ‘dinners’-- really midnight meals. What had started with Carmy dragging her along when he would get takeout after work, turned into him cooking for her. Eventually they got into a rhythm where they would take turns cooking for each other. She was fairly certain she would have burned out far sooner without his routine.

She wanted to ask him more. Tell him about what was going on in her life. It had always seemed so simple. But now there was no reason. They didn’t work together. He had ignored her messages after he left, though she did not really blame him for that. It was a friendship of convenience. Forced cohabitation. She may have wanted it to be more but she had grown since then.

Still, she felt she owed him. She had thanked him, over text. But she wanted to say something. He had kept her going all those months.

“New York was shit without you, by the way.” It was the truth and a joke and the best she could come up with.

He let out an amused huff, his eyes jumping back to her own. She knew she was blushing but hoped enough foundation remained on her face for it to not be terribly noticeable. His eyes were too expressive. She was pretty sure she had fallen for him, a little, the first time he looked at her like he was right then.

He tapped his fingers on the table. “This is short notice. But I have a chef working on adding desserts to the menu. So far he has been figuring out a recipe for a chocolate cake. If you have time, I’d appreciate another set of eyes.”

“I’d love to,” she responded with a cautious smile.

The front door opened and four more customers walked in. Richie called out to them right away, clearly they were regulars.

“Back to work?” she asked him, when she caught him looking at the newcomers.

“Back to the kitchen. See you later chef?”

“Yes, chef.”

[systematicallycapricious]

[AoN] PxDN Lore Snippet: R-00 + R-01 Reactivation

Yep, I read Persona x Detective Naoto, and yep, I'm incorporating it into this story. Why? ‘Cause it’s not a bad read, and more importantly it’s got a lot of feasible world lore I can use to enrich the setting, of which I can do all sorts of fun stuff with. Also, Sousei and Sho share a lot of similarities in terms of circumstances and behaviors, so any chance for him and Sholar to cross paths has lots of fun potential as well, even if it's only once.

Anyway, this is just a little snippet from the full AoN-PxDN lore doc that I'm getting straightened-up, 'cause I'm excited about how nicely I got it to fit together. \o/

Spoilers for: Persona x Detective Naoto, Persona 3, Persona 4 Arena/Ultimax, and my fic "Apropos of Nothing" (very mildly though, otherwise I wouldn't be posting it xP)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(For quick reference, the R-series ASSW project spanned from roughly 2006 to 2009, with Sousei's run being from 2007-2008, Ai's spanning 2008-2009, and their endings being Yūri's death and Aigis's reactivation respectively. SEES is first founded in Spring 2006 (being Mit/Aki/Shinji), and P3 happens as normal from 2009-2010. The 7th Gen ASSW project also ended with the explosion & creation of the Dark Hour on Sept 10th, 1999.)

So, several times throughout 2011, Minazuki accesses Ikutsuki's isolated server + the Ergo database server in general, with the first instance of the latter catching the ShadOps/KJG's attention. A bit spooked by the unauthorized access, everything related to Ergo (both current and old) is given a thorough security check, resulting in the discovery of 3 ASSWs sitting around in storage, among other things.

(Note: the database server access happens differently in this AU, so up until now, Minazuki had been accessing the isolated server legitimately via Ikutsuki's whitelisted computer with admin credentials, and then attempted to access the general server with an unregistered device. I still have to learn how databases work though, so I might have to adjust that in the future.)

Pretty much no one seems to know much about this mysterious 5th Gen and two R-series androids, despite there actually being a decent bit on information on-file for the latter once they decrypted it, and so, alongside a bunch of other old Ergo artifacts, the three are shipped out to the Yakushima Ergo quarantine facility for inspection and threat assessment. Some of the staff who were cited to work on the R-series are also contacted by Mitsuru to get further information.

(Note: unlike OG, the transport goes smoothly, because canon-divergence. /o/)

Mr. Tsuge Tetsuma has been employed as a researcher in the Kirijo Ergonomics Robotics Division for a long time now, but more importantly since the R-Series project was abruptly halted and its products stuffed away into storage. Now, he was nowhere near happy about having to leave Sousei and Ai in there for all this time, mind you, but he didn't have the authority nor the opportunity to get them back out of storage on his own, and so it was all he could do to stick with the company until an opportunity might arise. Getting a phone call from Mitsuru provided one such opportunity.

With the aid of Tsuge, the three ASSWs are reactivated and inspected, and once Mitsuru learns that they're not threats and are sentient beings with "hearts" of their own, they're given official rank as auxiliary members in the ShadOps to keep Public Safety from trying to confiscate them on the grounds of being "highly dangerous weapons". And… I guess I haven't figured out the specifics beyond that point yet, like if they actually help out the ShadOps or not. I feel like they might given Sousei’s determination to prove his usefulness and Ai’s desire to help out overall, but Sousei’s determination to have a combat-type Persona might also undermine that? Anyway, Tsuge is also brought into the fold as an official ShadOps researcher and tasked with being the supervisor of the Kurogamis due to his past experiences and relations with them and their creator.

(Fun fact: the reactivation order goes Ai, Sousei, Labrys because they have more information on, and familiarity with, the R-series units than the 5th Gen unit, so there's less risk involved with activating the Kurogamis than there is with Labrys. (Plus, in the event that Labrys ends up being hostile or out of control, the Kurogamis could be called in to help suppress her.) Also, Tsuge knows that Sousei will be rowdier than Ai, so as one of the chief specialists on the team, he's making the executive decision to give the team the ‘easier’ one to start with, lol.)

A year passes (which is what makes up a lot of Sousei's impression of "smoldering away at a lab, not yet fulfilling his mission as a suppression weapon"), and in late 2012 the National Police Agency entreats the KJG for technological aid in civilian safety and law enforcement measures. With the Kurogamis’ robotic physique and Sousei’s Past Reading in mind, this opportunity gets presented to Tsuge and the Kurogamis, of which Tsuge eventually gets Sousei on board with when he learns that they can be stationed at Yagokoro's PD, where Aoi Touko works. Ai didn't really need a ton of convincing, being content to be wherever Tsuge and Sousei are and determined to help out where she can.

(Note: part of the "last year's brutal crimes" is influenced by the Inaba kidnapping and murder cases, as it caused quite a stir across the nation, though the other part is probably more mundane, non-magical crime. Also, other technology and robotics were implemented in other PD's across Japan, but Yagokoro was the only one to make use of ASSWs specifically.)

And from there, PxDN happens more-or-less as normal, although certain events may or may not have Naoto meet the Kurogamis and/or Tsuge before PxDN occurs. It depends on if they end up staying on Yakushima for the whole time or if they go to an Ergo or ShadOps facility on mainland Japan, and furthermore if it happens to be the one Naoto visits or not. Most likely, if they do cross paths at all, it'll be brief, or else an off-handed mention of them by someone else, but I'll have to see as I solidify more of that part of the timeline. P:

Also, Tsuge’s employment with the ShadOps lets him distribute Evokers to Touko and Naoto during PxDN’s events, perhaps special models more recently designed for use outside of the Dark Hour/CoUn, because they really shouldn’t be able to summon their Personas so casually in the conscious world. It’s somewhat believable for when Naoto Awakens to Amatsu Mikaboshi and when she’s trying to save Touko, given the circumstances, but outside of that. :P

[bohba13-writing-den]

Zanpakuto and their resistance to damage.

So, due to recent events in the anime I think that this has become topical. so let me ramble for a bit about this. for the sake of mobile readers, I’ll keep it under a read more.

So let me get this out of the way first, as both a fan of Bleach and JJBA, the more I look at zanpakuto the more they look like sword shaped stands to me. So I am going to borrow some of that logic (not the crazy shit) for my headcanons involving zanpakuto, first among them being that as a manifestation of the user’s will to fight, their resistance to damage is directly analogous to the condition of that will, with the added dimention of the relationship to the zanpakuto itself. 

the reason for that last condition is the state of Kenpachi’s zanpakuto verses his will to fight. He loves fighting, something those who haven’t read the manga will have clearly depicted in the coming episodes, yet his zanpakuto is absolutely beat to hell. the reason is his poor relationship with his zanpakuto, meaning that those who had an equivocal will for battle, and a better relationship with their zanpakuto, will damage the blade, even if only slightly. now this damage is repairable as all he needs to do is dump reiatsiu into the blade, he simply doesn’t. 

Now that outlier is adressed, let us look at each time a zanpakuto was broken/damaged in shikai to illustrate my point. 

the first I can remember breaking on screen was Zabimaru at the hands of Aizen. 

you’d think that with him protecting Rukia that Zabimaru wouldn’t break, as his will to fight would be at its strongest. but I posit this, Renji wasn’t fighting to win in that moment, he was fighting to not lose. It’s a tactically sound move, but it is a position of fear. He feared having to fight Aizen, and thus while Zabimaru was sharp, it was also brittle. This also matches what we see when Zabimaru is broken at the start of TYBW. He just saw Byakuya’s bankai get stolen, saw his captain’s composure fucking shatter, and then get bodied by his own bankai! When Mask came in with that rocket punch, Renji was scared shitless.  Now for the one I think if the most impactful to my argument. Rukia vs Aaroniero.

As we learn in SS arc, Rukia has a major guilt complex over the death of her mentor Kaien Shiba. At this point in the story she is the only person who blamse herself for her death. almost everyone else blames either Ukitake or (eventually) Aizen. 

So when Jarface pulls this: 

It is, as The Chieftain says, a significant emotional event. and once the battle actually starts, he pulls out Nejibana. 

Everything ay-ay-ron-ni-row does is ment to undermine Rukia’s resolve and will to fight. And it works! 

he fights her with the face of the person who taught her everything. how to comunicate with Sode no Shirayuki, her world view, her approach to being a shinigami, which she then imparted in Ichigo. Everything Rukia is in her mind, is due to Kaien and the futurerama espada knows this, and twists the knife at every opportunity. 

thus we get this:

Rukia before this moment even admits she has lost the will to fight, and so her blade shatters, impaled though the torso just like her mentor. 

however, there is an unspoken conversation in the moment between this and activating Shirafune that I wish we got. one between Rukia and her zanpakuto, because whatever Shirayuki said, it helped Rukia pull that last bit of fight left in her to kill the 33,650 hollows in a trench coat. 

now to tie this all together. 

as we learn, a bankai is a true and complete manifestation of the user. as such it cannot be repaired, but at the same time, should at least be incredibly difficult to break in the first place. And while I think normally that Tensa Zangetsu would have resisted the attack by Hachwalth, we larned something very important just before that absolutely rocked Ichigo. 

He’s a quincy. 

He is a member of the same human subspecies that is causing all of this destruction. The same one that is razing the Seireitei, and that it was his mother who gave him those abilities. Ichigo was already running on pure emotion at this point. he wasn’t fighting to protect anyone at that point. he was fighting to kill Yhwach, and when he dropped that?

boom. 

this is also common symbolism in Japanese literature, hell afaik in literature in general. the sword breaking represents the user breaking in some manor. so to see Kubo lean on that symbolism is not suprising, though really adds to these moments. 

[goodqueenaly]

Hi! What political or personal reasons why Daeron Blackfyre didn’t take father’s and mother’s surname of Targaryen when he was legitimated. While he was given the sword and trying to start a new family branch, wouldn’t have made more sense for him to shore up on his dual family times to the Targaryen name? Though let’s be real, GRRM probably couldn’t pass up the opportunity for such a “cool” villainous name🤷‍♀️

Putting aside for the sake of this ask the lack of clarity on when Daemon Blackfyre became known as "Daemon Blackfyre". Yandel only mentions that following Daemon's acknowledgement and receipt of the sword Blackfyre by King Aegon IV, "Daemon took the name Blackfyre thereafter". "Thereafter" could mean immediately after this ceremony (and that Daemon was known as "Daemon Blackfyre" from the age of 12), or could imply a more general connection (that Daemon eventually took the surname "Blackfyre" as he grew older to emphasize his being given the sword by his father, to distinguish himself from his nicknamed brothers "Bittersteel" and "Bloodraven"). ("Thereafter" could even mean "at the time of his legitimization", when the question of Daemon's surname - that is, now that he no longer had to be known as "Daemon Waters" - might well have come up.)

Anyway, the timing of the surname "Blackfyre" aside, I can see why Daemon might have been wary of - or even encouraged against - taking the Targaryen name at the time of his legitimization. At the moment of Aegon IV's death, Daemon went from a (relatively newly) recognized and doted-upon royal bastard (with perhaps royal prospects or ambitions of his own in the eyes of his father the king) to an orphan whose chief promoter and protector was dead. This might have seemed a precarious situation for a 14-year-old: even if on paper he was now a fully dynastic member of House Targaryen, he had no lands or titles of his own to draw men or resources from, nor powerful marital relatives to enforce his position. Daemon's fate consequently rested in the hands of the new king, Daeron II - a king very much aware that their mutual father had tried hard to undermine, displace, and de-legitimize, potentially in favor of Daemon himself.

Now Daeron II was apparently happy to play nice with Daemon, at least initially - guaranteeing his Tyroshi marriage and granting him lands on which to build a keep - but this attitude may have come at an unspoken price. If Daemon agreed to (at least officially) ignore Aegon IV's blanket legitimization and continue to act as essentially a royal bastard - and, to that point, not use the Targaryen name as he might have been entitled to do by that decree - then King Daeron would include him as a (bastard) member of the family, "treating them [i.e. the Great Bastards] honorably and continuing the incomes that the king had bestowed on them". However, if Daemon started calling himself "Daemon Targaryen" on the king's death - with all the rights of succession that might have implied - then Daeron II might have shut off that royal font of favor: no Tyroshi marriage, no lands, no incomes, no honorable treatment. A paper crown is all well and good, but it is meaningless without the authority to enforce it; Daemon might have been smart enough, even at 14, to realize what was more advantageous between claiming the Blackfyre name and living more or less hospitably with Daeron II (or, alternately, might have had smart enough people advise him what would work out better for him).

Of course, by the time of the First Blackfyre Rebellion, Daemon might have actually been glad to be "Daemon Blackfyre" and not "Daemon Targaryen". By calling himself (and being known as) "Blackfyre", Daemon could distinguish himself (and, of course, be distinguished) from Daeron II's regime. He was in a sense the physical personification of the sword Blackfyre: a martial conqueror in the Valyrian mold, ready to defeat all foes, a tool of war rather than a tool of peace. If Daeron II Targaryen represented the pro-Dornish (specifically pro-Martell) and pro-peace party, Daemon Blackfyre represented the pro-war and pro-conquest party; the name, man, and sword were all inextricably linked to one another in a way that asserting Daemon as a "Targaryen" might have itself seemed inappropriate or nonsensical.

[stonemasons]

H//ggs doesn't fit in Dea//th Stra//nding’s story. Ame//lie's motive for the dea//th stran//ding wasn’t a god complex. Her motive was existential, that a quick death is better than suffering. A more appropriate villain for this game would have been someone that had actually convinced Ame//lie of that (since Ame//lie doesn’t have a perspective, she couldn’t decide what to do, she isn’t human anymore), someone who believed that pain was reprehensible under any condition, who viewed death as an escape from pain specifically, NOT someone who has a hard on for suffering and death.

H//ggs, aside from one wacky one-liner (he says “game over” EPIC!1!) doesn't seem to have some other motive other than narcissism and sadism, and also he’s named after “the god particle” so yeah, we get it, it’s very clear that his thing is his god complex.. This all seems to me that HK understood he had to frame the dea//th stran//ding (the phenomenon) as an opportunity for humanity, but couldn’t argue against that, couldn’t think of a good enough reason why someone wouldn’t think that, and so he went with narcissism as that reason. Which is ok i guess, I think it’s very superficial, but also H//ggs as an antagonist, undermines Ame//lie and her story, which is connected to the game’s theme.

Because Ame//lie is after all conspiring with H//ggs, and Ame//lie is more powerful than him, H//ggs’s motives are interpreted as Ame//lie’s actual doing and she gets blamed for his narcissism and sadism that are actually uncharacteristic for her, because she’s pushing for a quick extinction, not sadistic terrorism. That’s why the game’s antagonist had to be someone that actually aligned with her thoughts, pushed for a quick extinction because of an actual reason to end the suffering (personal, or ideological whatever) caused by the dea//th stran//ding, not a sadistic terrorist that relishes in causing pain. Their motives are contradictory and don’t make any sense.

Ame//lie’s ending is the emotional centre of the game, since she’s Sam’s only family and she’s convinced to stop the dea//th stran//ding because of his work/ the gameplay. You can’t have that if you think that all this time she’s been sadistic and if you don’t see how the gameplay mattered to her and how it convinced her, if the only competition you had anyways was some deprived egomaniac with no argument for extinction. So Ame/lie’s decision to push back  the quick extinction and the dea//th stran//ding falls flat.

Very disappointing writing

[silenceinternalmonologue]

A Review of Loki (2021)

[The following is an exact transcription of Twitter user @/diolesbian ‘s thread linked here . They gave me permission to cross-post their thread on my Tumblr. Keep in mind that this review is fairly long and quite critical of the series. I agree with this review wholeheartedly, and would be welcome to discuss it with anyone else.] 

Loki is a character who has died many times, but his own series may be his most brutal character assassination yet.

1.  Loki’s role in the series. Instead of tackling Loki's most villainous state of mind in Avengers 1, the series literally speedran through his development in the subsequent films, after which they almost entirely halted his character progression.

Because this series was set right after Avengers 1 it had the responsibility of developing Loki further in place of The Dark World and Ragnarok. In Episode 1, this development was kicked off by having Loki watch a reel of some of his defining moments in the MCU, allowing him to see his future all the way up to his death in Infinity War. Sadly, this scene ended up being the most development he received in the entire series. And arguably, this isn’t even true development but more like a speedrun of his character up until that point, serving as a simple tactic to explain why he wouldn’t be acting all dictatorial and murderous during his own series. As soon as he had been made “good” (read: docile) enough to follow along with the plot, his agency was completely thrown out. From that point on, the series wasn’t about Loki making things happen but about things happening to Loki.

Loki was supposed to be the main character, but he wasn't the protagonist in this story. In fact, he was more of a side character than we’ve ever seen him be in the MCU before, perhaps excepting IW and Endgame.

A protagonist is by definition someone whose important decisions affect the plot, whose development is followed most closely by the audience, and who is opposed by an antagonist. Loki exhibited none of these traits in this series. Especially the latter half of the story, he was reduced to simply reacting to the revelations around him, such as the reveal that the TVA members were all variants and that Kang was the true mastermind behind everything. He never truly involved himself or acted based on any of these plot points, and hardly played a key role in what was supposed to be his own story. Even in the films, where Loki is a side character, he makes choices which impact the plot to a larger extent. He almost seems more like a background character in the role of protagonist than in the parts he plays in the films.

2. The antagonist. The TVA could have worked as the perfect setting for Loki to have a new arc. It’s a thematic antithesis to who we know Loki to be. But when this Loki turns out to not be who the audience thought he was the TVA’s thematic significance falls apart as well.

In Episode 1, the TVA’s Agent Mobius enlists the help of Loki the Variant to pin down a greater foe who we are told is another, more malicious version of Loki. Order and chaos meeting in the middle, teaming up to take down an enemy, who even happens to be the protagonists’ literal evil self: that works, it sounds promising. But this dynamic is soon undermined when Loki leaves with Sylvie. Still, the benefit of the doubt is easy to grant here: a story about tricksters is bound to contain twists. But by Episode 3 the series is halfway done and the TVA has been appointed as the main antagonist again: we’ve now established villains three different times. And then the Cloud Monster At The End Of Time is introduced, and finally Kang. In other words, the Loki series has no consistent antagonist, no one to pit its main character against. And this is where we once again miss out on an enormous aspect of Loki’s potential characterization.

Protagonists are always defined by an antagonist, whether a purple Titan, a flat tire, or themself. Loki is not given anything to define his morals, motivations, or development in opposition to and this is a huge oversight. Especially given the fact that Loki has taken on the villain’s role in the past: how is the audience supposed to know that the “bad guy” is now a “good guy” if there’s no “even worse guy” to stand up against?

3. The plot. A plot should show off its MC’s strengths and match their personality. The Loki plot hardly relied on his presence at all, he didn't play a key role. The story had so little to do with Loki that it seemed as though he has barely any impact on “his” narrative.

One of the most central conflicts in the Loki series doesn’t involve him at all: it’s between Sylvie and the TVA. This plotline was a good concept overall, but its main problem is that it’s practically the only conflict in the series. Loki himself, as mentioned before, isn’t set in opposition to anything or anyone. And thanks to his relationships with Sylvie and Mobius being weakened by conflicting storytelling devices, he appears to be in a bubble by himself away from the rest of the cast for much of the story. First he follows Mobius around, then Sylvie, then he wanders aimlessly in the void before following Sylvie once again and learning that Kang is a Really Bad Guy who he should be opposed to even though by this point he has interacted so little with the story unfolding around him that the audience doesn’t even understand why he should be choosing to play the hero.

The plot and the characters both suffer by being so incredibly unrelated to each other. A series, especially an MCU one, should tell an overarching narrative through the perspective of its main character.

In the beginning of the series, when Loki was still getting his bearings in the TVA, this lack of decision-making was more understandable, especially since some of his skills were still being shown-- he discovered Sylvie was hiding in nexus events, and he made the choice to leave Mobius and follow her. But by the latter half of the series he still hasn’t had much impact on the story or taken any actions of his own, and simply allows plot points to happen to him. Just because the Loki series had to introduce the TVA and Kang didn’t mean it had to forgo telling a story about its protagonist. If Loki’s story had been intrinsically tied to the overarching plot points, if his choices had been some of the primary factors determining how events ended up taking place, the series would have succeeded in every aspect. But instead Loki is pushed aside by the plot of his own series, a plot which subsequently ends up coming across as largely hollow and pointless due to its lack of character drive.

4. Loki’s arc. One of the main reasons MCU Loki is loved is for his excellent character development across his films. TVA Loki was extremely lacking in that aspect and chances to take his character in interesting new self-aware directions were thrown away without much thought.

Throughout the MCU, Loki is on a journey with many highs and lows. He goes from a bitter and disheartened prince standing in the shadow of his brother, to a self-loathing Jotun bent on destroying his own people in a desperate attempt to win his father’s love, to a half-mad partially mind-controlled dictator with delusions of grandeur fueled by his own insecurity, to a prisoner wondering what there is left for him to lose, to a savior of Asgard’s people finally coming to accept his place in what is left of his family, to a tragic sacrificial victim who knew he had to die so the true hero might live on. That’s a hell of a journey, incidentally shown in less than TWO HOURS of screen time, and the prospect of TVA Loki embarking on an equally stimulating one, this time told over the course of over four hours and shown from his own perspective the entire way through, was exciting. But as it turned out, this relatively simple expectation went completely unmet.

For a story trying to say so much about individuality and self-acceptance, the Loki series seemed to pass by every obvious opportunity to tackle those questions.

Sylvie’s introduction seemed like a good idea at first: Loki would be able to literally bond with himself and learn to accept who he is that way, and forays could be made to explore what Loki’s personality could have been like if he grew up under different circumstances! But aside from a scene or two in Episode 3, this was not how things ended up going. Loki didn’t come to any grand or important conclusions about his identity, he didn’t choose to act differently, all that happened was a vaguely-worded confession of pseudo-romantic feelings which was cut off in the middle, made no sense, and weakened the narrative in a whole host of other ways explained elsewhere. Loki’s encounter with other versions of themself in the Void was similarly meaningless: Loki didn’t end up expressing or demonstrating a single thing he learned from meeting all of those alternate selves, despite the fact that there was potential for massive self-discovery there.

Less than 2 hours of MCU screen time portrayed Loki more coherently than this entire series. Loki is loved because of how much he changes, and it felt like he didn’t in this series. He started off lost and stayed that way throughout the entire plot.

By the end of the series, it was impossible to identify who Loki had become. He said he didn’t want a throne, but it was not obvious why not. He looked sad to be betrayed by Sylvie, but never expressed what that meant to him. He seemed afraid once Kang was unleashed, but why? Why did he care about the Sacred Timeline? What were his motivations? Throughout the series the answers to these questions became less and less obvious, culminating in the final episode which ended without a single moment of reflection or explanation as to who Loki had become. He wasn’t a villain, but only because he wasn’t murdering people. He was in some capacity a hero, for… being against Kang, probably, but once again with no explanation as to why Loki had decided to feel that way. He never seemed self-assured in his heroism, as if he hadn’t chosen the role for himself. Again, making one’s own choices that shape the narrative are what differentiates a protagonist from a side character, but Loki did not do that in this series.

5. Loki and Sylvie’s relationship. Loki and Sylvie had the potential to be a powerful duo representing the process of self-acceptance but instead they were reduced to a strange pseudo-romance.

Despite Loki’s many developments in the films, he never truly liked himself. He has been known to act extremely confident and self-righteous at times, but this is merely the opposite side of the coin containing his self-loathing and insecurity. Having him literally meet and subsequently befriend himself in Episode 3 was a move towards developing this aspect of him and potentially teaching him to finally accept himself as he truly is, but this buildup was all shattered in Episode 4 when the relationship is portrayed to have romantic undertones. Instead of a powerful struggle to accept oneself, the relationship between Loki and Sylvie becomes a twisted thing which is memeable at best (selfcest LOL amirite?) and outright damaging to both characters and the very concept of loving oneself at worst.

Ultimately, Loki and Sylvie's relationship didn’t add anything to either character’s development and actively detracted from what could have been a touching story.

Romantic love is extremely different from self love; romantic love has connotations including dating conventions and sexuality which are impossible to ignore and in this case serve as a distraction. And on top of ruining a potentially powerful storyline, this strange relationship makes both Loki and Sylvie seem out of character. Loki is once again one thousand years old and he has never even had a true friend, so why would he possibly fall for someone after knowing them for only two days? Meanwhile in Sylvie’s case, Loki’s “feelings” for her cause the audience to pay more attention to her romantic life and gestures rather than her actual character and motivations.

6. Loki’s Sexuality and Gender Fluidity. Loki’s sexuality and gender has been shown in several comic runs, and the series was advertised as featuring this representation as well. But due to several fundamental errors and problematic storytelling this also fell flat.

Sylvie’s introduction filled many fans with hope regarding the portrayal of Loki’s identity. In the MCU neither of their LGBT identities had ever been touched upon, while the series introduced a female variant of Loki and explicitly stated their sexuality. But this portrayal soon unraveled, most notably in Episode 5, in which many other Loki variants were shown but not a single one besides Sylvie was non-male. On top of that, when TVA Loki mentioned Sylvie and referred to her as “a woman Variant of us”, the other Lokis agreed that that sounded “terrifying”. Why should a genderfluid being be afraid of a version of themselves presenting as a different gender? It read as both fluidphobic not to mention strangely sexist.

The pseudo-romance between Loki and Sylvie only aggravated the situation. Not only did the nature of the “relationship” seem to follow heteronormative storytelling tropes (falling in love after a couple days of knowing each other, one party being reduced to a love interest, valuing romantic love above any other type, etc) but it also seemed distressing and offensive to many genderfluid people. A romance between a male and a female Loki, one of which doesn’t even call herself by that name, seems to be implying that an individual becomes someone else when merely presenting as a different gender, which of course isn’t at all the case. The writing wasn’t necessarily malicious here, but it was certainly ignorant and potentially even harmful. The opportunity was there to translate Loki’s powerful comic representation into the framework of the MCU, but this attempt did not succeed.

7. Loki’s characterization. Loki is a chameleon, but there are certain traits fundamental to his character. These traits were either ignored or actively mocked in the series. The audience already knew “what makes a Loki a Loki", but the series threw that knowledge away.

Episode 1’s premise of stripping Loki of everything he is used to was an intriguing setup to ensure the discovery of the core of who Loki truly is. The only problem was that this truth didn’t end up being found at all. Mobius made fun of Loki’s most defining traits, such as his habits of lying to manipulate people and acting out of a place of insecurity, which seemed to be a signal for the narrative to forbid Loki from exhibiting any of those traits from that point on in any way. This reduction in Loki’s character was reflected in everything, from his lack of humor (in the films he’s even funny while he’s taking over the world!), the underpowered way in which he fought against Sylvie (he’ll use magic to dry his clothes, but fight with a damn vacuum cleaner?) to the way that he wore the same boring outfit in every single episode-- it may sound shallow, but clothes are important when presenting a character. Every one of Loki’s looks in the films said something about him and his state of mind, and sadly that bland TVA outfit seemed to convey that Loki really was nothing more than a subservient pawn in what was supposed to be his own story. Ironically, the writing stripped Loki of everything that made him Loki, and left us with nothing but a Jotun-shaped void to be swayed by the whims and wills of the characters and plot devices surrounding him.

8. Loki’s past and abilities. This series could have elaborated on aspects of his character which had been teased at in the films and theorized about by fans, but ended up being a disappointment in this aspect as well.

Aside from Loki’s characterization and development, something else the series ignores is much of his canon story in the films. Since Thor 1, a truth that always overshadowed Loki was his Jotun heritage. He struggled with it up until the time of his death, clearly visible in his relationship with his foster family. It’s understandable that Loki was supposed to be independent from Thor in his series, but that’s no excuse for completely ignoring this central part of who Loki is. It doesn’t matter how much he goes through or how much his circumstances change, this feeling of unbelonging sits deep in Loki’s core and should have been both explored and explicitly discussed in the series. A series all about Loki was the perfect opportunity for him to finally confront and explain his relationship with his heritage, and potentially come to terms with it as well. And this isn’t even to say how cool some more insight on Loki’s Jotun inheritance could have been-- hypotheticals aren’t the point of this review, but it would have been fascinating to see Loki reacting adversely to heat like he has been hinted to in the past or even using his ice powers like he did in Thor 1.

Loki's magic was tragically underused. It felt like he was stripped of all of his magical powers even after his TVA chains had been removed, and this was never explained.

A second huge oversight is his magic. His powers are all over the place in this series. They were always a bit vague in the films, but this series was the opportunity to set that right and explain exactly what Loki was capable of as a sorcerer, especially now that the MCU has embraced magic more than it had ten years ago. But instead, Loki showcased an inexplicable lack of magic use-- again, the vacuum cleaner fight can be presented as evidence. There is a single scene in which Loki says that he learned his magic from Frigga, but no information is given as to how much he learned or why he doesn’t always favor spells. His power levels are incredibly inconsistent (he forgoes using magic when first confronted by the TVA, but is later shown using telekinesis to save himself from being literally crushed to death). And, strangest of all, there is a scene in which he tells Sylvie that he “can’t” enchant living beings. Loki, the millennium year old Trickster sorcerer god, who can hold an Infinity Stone with his bare hands, reanimate Surtur in the Eternal Flame, and trick the average person using illusions with ease, can’t cast a little enchantment? And if so, why not? The series offered precious few explanations concerning Loki’s magical abilities and instead only raised more questions. And in this way, Loki is once again relegated into the background and left with not a single shred of any new characterization or development. 

Loki contains multitudes, but the series reduced him to two dimensions.

This isn’t to mention every other facet of Loki’s story that could have potentially been explored to great success in this series-- his torture and subsequent partial mental influence at the hands of Thanos just before the events of Avengers 1 is one obvious example, as is his youth on Asgard, as are his suicidal tendencies (people don’t tend to survive falling off the Bifrost, and he knew that when he threw himself off of it), plus infinite other facets of him. Of course, it was both necessary and more interesting for this series to be its own story rather than one which lingered on past films-- but that’s not to say that none of these plot points should have come back, at least subtly, to play a role in this story. Plot points exist to be brought back later, not completely ignored. Otherwise a story may as well be written about a completely original character.

[revengeoftheantichrist]

Red Flags

Warnings: Serial killers, breaking and entering, torture, manipulation and broken bones AN: Huge thank you to @9layerdevilfoodcake and the lovely Carissa for bouncing some ideas and beta reading this while I was struggling!

AO3

Michael had enough. He was tired and hungry, getting nothing more than delirious in this forest. He stood on shaky legs, not caring about the blood of the goat he just killed. He didn’t know where he was going, just letting his feet carry him to wherever they pleased. He no longer cared about the destination. His surroundings faded into nothingness, until a familiar white-picket fence came into view. He finally focused on his surroundings, immediately starting to sob when he recognised where he was. His childhood home, his grandmother’s house. His body must have craved the familiarity and the warm embrace that only she could provide. But like every other mother figure in his life, she was dead, and he blamed himself. With bleary eyes he pushed open the squeaky gate. The smell of roses made the memories rapidly flash through his mind. With a deep breath, he opened the door.

The house had been untouched for years. Dust and cobwebs everywhere. He thought of his grandmother watching the house fall into this state of decay. Watching.

He felt the eyes of the house next door on him. He refused to look out the window. He didn’t want to see the looks of disgust and pity. He wiped his eyes and stood a little straighter. This was his house now. He could do whatever he wanted here. No one to answer to, no more deadlines and most of all, no more older blonde woman dictating his life. ////

He stared at himself in the mirror. The stubble and lack of sleep seemed to age him. His hair was no longer perfectly styled, it was wild and uneven. The more he looked at himself the more his face began to morph into the women in his life. He hated it. He didn’t want to look like the woman that threw him out at his lowest. Or the woman who, even in her death, could not accept him as hers. He carried the ghosts of next door with him, and he’d do anything to alleviate himself of that burden. He could only change his appearance for so long. Hair dye would eventually fade; contacts would need to be removed and he wasn’t willing to put himself under the knife.

The smell of blood on his clothes pulled him out of his thoughts. The mirror reflected the decrepit house he was in, turning his nose in disgust. With the last of his strength, he mustered a tiny bit of magic, using a spell to clean the house. He walked through the house as it returned to it’s former glory, remembering his own attempts at interior design when he was younger, looking up the beams and archways where he would nail his ‘gifts’ to his grandmother. Times were simpler then. He shook his head of the nostalgia, hoping the plumbing was still working; he needed a nice hot shower.

//// None of the clothes in the closet fit him anymore, he didn’t realise how much he had grown. For now, a towel was the best he could do until his other clothes were out the dryer. He spent his time scouring the house for legal documents, anything that entitled him to some money and the deeds of the house. He needed to get this all under his name, just in case his grandmother used that stupid medium to undermine him. He tugged open the last drawer. Bingo. Everything he needed conveniently placed in one place. Money, a will and the deeds of the house. He would need to go to whatever legal office to get it sorted. The dryer still had time to go. With a big sigh, he sat on the couch. The one that faced the ‘other’ house. He gave a smile to those still watching him. He must have looked demented by the reactions he got from them. The exhaustion and hunger were catching up to him, succumbing to sleep on the couch.

////

It was morning when he woke up. He let his towel fall with a big stretch. Thus was his house; he could do anything. Even walking around naked. He kept the blinds and curtains that faced that house open. Let them watch. He pulled his warm clothes on. The detergent brought back memories, he’d buy a new scent when the time came. He grabbed some cash and whatever documents he needed for the day, venturing out into the big bad world.

////

Humanity deserved to perish simply for the time it took at the bank. The manger was an old lady, greying blonde hair and a pair of ill-fitting glasses. Michael thought she was extremely rude and didn’t hide his distaste when he spoke to her. She asked far too many questions for such a simple procedure. “Young man, aren’t you far too young to be accessing these funds?” she asked, looking over her glasses. “I can’t control when my entire family dies now can I,” he spat back, sick of her already. She continued to look him up and down as she typed away. Printing something off, she slipped a booklet of paperwork to him. “Everything has been approved, your card should arrive in the next few days. Can I do anything else for you?” “I’d like to take out some cash.” “How much?” “$500.” She paused, “what are you planning on doing with that?” Michael was getting beyond irritated, his jaw clenched, and he rubbed his temples. “There’s no need to be so rude young man,” she huffed. Michael gave her a sarcastic smile before snatching the money and walking out of the bank. The world would be better off without her. He’d deal with her soon. ////

Michael returned home with numerous bags of clothing and food. He would learn how to cook for himself, takeout was not sustainable. The pantry was stocked with basic essentials, but most of it was stocked with candy and other snacks. No one could stop him from indulging in his gluttony now.

His wardrobe was full of blacks and reds, the perfect colours for him. He was most looking forward to the black jumpsuit. It stood out to him in the store, a style he had never tried before. His fingers drifted over the seams when he tried it on, turning and admiring the various angles in the mirror. He looked up to the clock through the mirror, it was almost 5pm, if he didn’t leave now, he would miss her leaving. ////

Michael waited for the old bank manager to leave. Biding his time in the shadows. He watched her as she said her goodbyes in her shrill voice, then as she walked to her car. Michael stalked behind her, waiting for her to get in. As she got comfortable, she dropped something by her foot pedals. When she reached down to grab it, Michael took the opportunity to get in the car and lock the doors. He smiled at her when she screamed. The parking lot was empty, no one would hear her. “Shhh,” Michael put a finger to his lips, the other hand held up a gun. It was one of Constance’s that she had hidden in the house. The woman suddenly stopped, her shaking hands on the wheel. “You’re going to drive, and I’m going to give you directions,” he said, his tone left no space to argue. She nodded, tears in her eyes, hoping he would let her go eventually.

////

They pulled up outside the murder house. Michael got out first, taking the keys from the ignition. The woman stayed in the car, still shaking. She wasn’t given much time to think, Michael dragged her out of the car and up the steps, his hand over her mouth. Her legs flailed around, heels falling off and feet dragging on the ground. Sill, Michael paid her no mind, not even as she thumped down the stairs when he threw her into the basement.

He felt eyes on him again as he went into the kitchen, looking for something sharp. When he got to the basement door, it was blocked by none other than Dr. Harmon himself. “You don’t have to do this kind, you know you’re better than this,” he tried to convince Michael. “You didn’t have to cheat on your wife, now here we all are, miserable in the same fucking house,” Michael spat back. “He didn’t give Harmon a chance to respond, teleporting into the basement where the woman cowered in the corner.

“Please, I’m sorry if I did something, there’s other ways to solve this,” she cried. “I need to get home to my grandkids,” she tried to appeal to his softer side. He continued to stalk towards her, ignoring her and inspecting the sharp knife. “You’re far too old to still be this rude. I think that it’s a habit that can’t be solved anymore,” Michael replied, sounding disappointed. The woman couldn’t back away any further, stuck to the wall. Michael got down to her level, wiping away her tears. “You have grandkids?” She rapidly nodded, hoping he changed his mind. “I had a grandma too. Looked just like you,” he took a blonde hair and sniffed it, it didn’t smell like her. “At least she had basic manners. And, she wouldn’t be caught dead in this hideous number,” he pointed out. He had to give Constance credit where it was due. “Do you want to know what happened to my grandma?” he whispered in her ear. She was too shaky to respond. “I killed her too,” he whispered again, this time his voice cracked a little; remembering the day he found her dead in this very house. Even if she was a ghost, she could have at least spared him a hug. His eyes began to well up. The woman took this as an opportunity to reach out, placing her hand on her face. He snapped back to her, taking her hand in his. “But no one can ever replace her,” his voice still shaking. He felt like a little boy again. He could feel the pity from the woman. She wasn’t scared of him anymore and he didn’t like that. He was no longer a child. He had a greater purpose. Without hesitation, Michael sliced her throat, letting himself be covered in her blood. He looked at his reflection in the knife. Maybe this was the look for him, covered in blood. He licked his fingers, tasting the liquid. “I’ll save the heart for later,” he thought to himself, before ripping it out and making use of one of the fridges. This was one way to pass the time and maybe, it would finally get his father’s attention. //// A car was found on a random highway. In it was the mangled corpse of the owner, and a simple letter signed by ‘the Alpha’. This marked the beginning of a new wave of violence in southern California. A serial killer was on the prowl. The victim profile was quite strange. Typically, killers would choose young women. However, this killer liked older blonde women, usually grandmothers or mothers. It scared you regardless, worried that one day the preference might change. You worried for your co-workers too, many of them fitting the description. The thought that you might have even interacted with the culprit made your skin crawl. ////

Things would inevitably go wrong if one were fuelled by bloodlust alone. Michael had broken into the wrong house. The woman that pissed him off at the supermarket lived a few doors down. Regardless, he was curious as to who lived here. The home was so different to what he was used to. The interior design choices were not the standard ‘live, laugh, love’ and farmhouse kitchen with seashell bathrooms. This house was nice, it had a younger feel to it, the heels by the door further proof of his theory. He quietly made his way up the stairs, looking into every room and taking it all in. He finally found the occupied room. The dark-haired woman was fast asleep in her bed. Comfortably sank into her pillows. He adjusted the blinds a little so he could see better. The way the moonlight reflected off her face took his breath away. His fingers twitched, he wanted to take her home this instant. He could take care of her, he knew he could. He liked a challenge however, he wanted her to come to him. He didn’t know how long he stood and stared at her, only leaving once she stared to stir. He’d be back. ////

Michael’s heart was jumping out of his chest when he arrived back to the murder house. The residents were surprised he didn’t come home with another victim or even a drop of blood on him. His face was flush and he was in deep thought. Luckily for the residents, souls were not congesting the house, as Michael would make sure to burn the new souls as soon as he could. He whispered nonsense to himself as he made his way up to the attic. His trance was interrupted by his foot hitting a box. Had it always been there? He slowly took the lid off, finding an old camcorder and lots of tape. Was he living in the movie ‘sinister’? He was the scariest thing in this house, no ghoul could ever top him.

The box gave him something to do for the rest of the night. Returning with some snacks and in his pyjamas. The entertainment didn’t last long. It was just shitty home movies from former residents. It got worse when they’d come forward and explain them. He turned his face in disgust at the last one; a homemade sex tape. He gagged before turning it off. The sun was rising, telling him to go to bed. As he put the camcorder way, he had a genius idea.

////

You felt weird when you woke up. It was as if someone had been watching you. Your blinds were slightly open, and your bedroom door ajar. Had someone been in? As you walked through the house, something just seemed a little off. Things were ever so slightly out of place. There even seemed to be less fruit juice this morning than you were sure you had last night. Maybe it was the paranoia of the current situation getting to you. You sighed and shook your head before going to get ready for the day.

////

You hated working in the family and wills sector of the legal profession. You were hoping to make the move to fashion law soon, just waiting for the right opportunity. You really weren’t made for the requests of dead people and their bickering relatives.

You greeted one of the partners. Ms Grace everyone called her. She was your mento and a mother figure to you out here in the big bad legal world. Hopefully, she’d give you a good reference when you left. “New client for you today, just… entire dead family,” she whispered the last bit, making a cutting gesture with her hand. “That sounds horrible.” She nodded, before letting you set up for the day. ////

It was afternoon before said client showed up. Your office phone rang informing you of his arrival. A tall, blond man sat in the waiting room; his eyes widened in recognition when he saw you. You decided to ignore it. “Hello, are you Mr. Langdon?” “I am.” “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, in Y/N and I’ll be taking your case,” you held your hand out for him to shake. It was comfortably warm. “Please, call me Michael.” You nodded and smiled, before leading him to your office. “Any refreshments before we get started?” He shook his head. From the outside, his case looked simple However, the deaths in his family left a convoluted mess, but you were sure Mr Langdon would get what he wanted. He was the only legal and living heir after all. You chatted away as you printed off and filled out the relevant forms. The conversation came easy. It had been a while since someone had caused butterflies in your stomach.   You weren’t unprofessional however, keeping it professional with clients. When all was done for the session, you saw him out and waved him off. The interaction with him had left you a little flush. The receptionist giving you a knowing look.

////

This was totally unplanned. Michael wasn’t expecting to see you so soon. He thought that maybe his father had a hand in this, a reward for his hard work. He made his way back home, keeping the packet you gave him close, it still faintly smelled of you. He sat on the couch facing the other house. Images of you occupying his mind. It all got too much, lazily stroking himself to the thought of you that afternoon. ////

He left the house again, camcorder in hand. He pressed record as soon as he got inside your house. Filming every little detail leading up to your room. Even filming himself waving in the hallway mirror, as if he were recording and innocent home video.

He slowly opened your door. You accidently left the lamp on that night, giving him the perfect lighting. He zoomed in on your face before getting closer. Your duvet was blocking the view, reaching forward to carefully move it a little. Running his thumb over your lips and getting it on camera. He groaned at the softness. His fingers skimmed over your face, neck and collarbones. He watched as your nose crinkled a little at the touch. Cute. His evening plans were abruptly cut short when your phone began to ring. At this hour? Who was it? You began to stir at the invasive sound. Michael didn’t have time to run, transmuting out the house as fast as he could.

////

In his free time, Michael indulged in all that his family would disapprove of. And nothing could vex Constance Langdon more than her shitty grandson doing all types of drugs. He liked the feeling weed gave him. It helped him relax after the adrenaline rush of a kill. Sometimes, the murder house had a horrible stench of weed and rotting flesh, prompting the residents to keep the windows open. He even tried other things, like Acid and MD. He didn’t like the restlessness they gave him. He especially hated when his face would morph in the mirror, turning him into the people he hated the most. He wondered what it would be like to get high with you. He wanted to melt into you just like he did the floor when the THC finally got him. If he couldn’t get to you that night, he would replay the tapes on the big screen and jack off, wishing you were there. The residents of the house watched in disgust and horror. They may have done terrible things but surely, they weren’t this bad.

////

Mr Langdon’s case had successfully ended, he had gotten what he wanted. You bumped into him a week later, on your lunch break. “Oh? Y/N? so nice to see you,” he stood in the line at your favourite coffee shop. “Like wise,” you smiled up at him. “Would you like anything? I insist. It’s the least I can do.” You tried to reject his kindness but didn’t want to hold up the line, giving him your order. You both sat at a quiet table, waiting for your drinks and pastry. “I don’t usually see my clients on lunch breaks.” “Former client,” he pointed out, taking a sip of his coffee. You watched him add five packets of sugar and wondered why he didn’t just get a sweeter drink. Your conversation continued, with your shoes constantly touching under the table. It felt very childish, but maybe you were missing the playfulness in life. Your phone alarm went off, indicating you had to get back to work. As your phone was unlocked, Michael took it and tapped his number in, leaving you at the table with a wink.

////

These interactions led to casual dates. The murders began to slow down, making you feel a little safer. With this in mind, you accepted Michael’s invitation when he invited you over. You were nervous as you waited for him to open the door. The evening breeze did little to distract you from the feeling of being watched. Michael opened the door and you sighed in relief. “You look… beautiful,” he stuttered. “Not too bad yourself,” you smiled back.

He moved aside to let you in, leading you to where he had set up. “I didn’t know you could cook.” “I’m a man of many talents.” He looked out the window, making sure the other house was watching. They looked nervous, hoping you would leave in one piece. They watched you laugh and talk. This could not have been the same boy that had terrorised so many. He was confident, suave, and personable. Worlds away from the awkward, nervous cry baby of a serial killer that they had become used to. He cleaned up well, even tidying up his wild hair. They wondered how long it would last. How long would it take for you to see the real him? They hoped you got out before it got to that state. The time flew by, and you both seemed to get closer by the second. You didn’t notice until your noses were touching, conversation halting. He seemed to be waiting for something, almost hesitant. You took the initiative and captured his lips. All of his hesitation melted away, his hand reaching around you and pulling you closer. The kiss got more heated, indicating that it would lead to something else. However, luck was not on your side. You phone ringing and interrupting you. Michael wanted to smash that phone; this was the second time it had stopped him. You apologised before picking up. Michael watched your expression change and brows knit in annoyance. You put the phone down, apologising. “I’m so sorry Michael, but I’m going to have to go, I’ve been called into work tomorrow and this is an important client, I hope you can understand.” “Of course, I’m sure you’re busy and I won’t keep you. Do you want me to drop you off?” He didn’t know why he asked that question, he didn’t have a car. “Oh thank you so much for understanding, and the offer. I drove here myself so there’s no need to worry about that,” you smiled at him. Michael helped you with your belongings, leading you out the door. You turned to thank him again, before he leaned down to give you another kiss, causing you to blush. He walked you to your car, taking in the interior. He waved you off with a smile. He knew you’d be back soon. ////

Michael shut the door behind him. He thought the night was a success. He opened the cupboard and pulled out your jacket. He hid it away, so you’d forget about it. The designer logo stood out to him. He buried his face in the fur, taking in all of it. Your scent, your warmth, everything. He had been so close to you. He wanted to watch the tapes with this in hand, for that he would have to venture next door. He wasn’t prepared to finally come face to face with his grandmother, looking down on him, cigarette in hand. “Michael fucking Langdon,” her southern drawl was harsh. He hadn’t been spoken to like that in years. He gulped as he watched her slowly walk down the stairs. “Why haven’t you grown out of that terrible habit of yours. You just have to destroy pretty things.” She stopped at the step just above him, still looking down. She gently stroked his face like she used to when he was a child, and he leaned into the touch. The peace was disturbed by a loud slap echoing through the house. Michael’s face turned to the side. He held his cheek, slowly turning to the woman with bleary eyes. “You have some nerve coming back to this house with that attitude of yours, clearly the ‘Church’ didn’t teach you any manners” Michael was trying to find his voice, to finally face the woman that he blamed for half of his problems. “And now look at you, that poor girl doesn’t even know the half of it.” She snatched the coat away from him. “Look at this Michael, this is Prada. And did you see the car she drove? What makes you think you deserve her? Look at yourself,” she gestured towards him. “Hair unkempt, Jobless, all you eat is candy and human flesh. What are you going to when she finds out the truth?” Michael hadn’t actually thought about that. He had neglected himself and his appearance for a while now. Did it really matter that much?

////

“Look, Y/N, all I’m saying is that you can do better. Look at you, you’re beautiful and well dressed and have such a good job. And him, well… he’s a little scruffy and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even have a car,” Ms Grace did not approve of your relationship with Michael. She thought you could do better. “I see where you’re coming from but he’s charming. Although I do agree he could clean up a little better. I’ve seen him all dressed up and he looks so good. I just don’t understand why he chooses to look like… that most of the time,” the last bit was more meant for yourself. Your conversation was interrupted by Kevin, a colleague from another office. “He should take a page out of Kevin’s book,” Ms Grace pointed out. Kevin raised a brow at the conversation he had just become a part of. He too was on a lawyer salary, a well-dressed man that anyone would swoon for. “Who’s ‘he’?” “Y/Ns …. Boyfriend?” Ms Grace replied. “Nothing to concern yourself too much with Kevin, you know what Ms Grace is like,” you interjected. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend. He must be something to reach those high standards of yours,” he pointed out. “Oh he’s something alright,” Ms Grace muttered. You huffed at the conversation. You didn’t think you were a superficial person, but your colleagues thought otherwise. //// Michael had heard enough. Sometimes he would scry into your workplace, just to check on you, to see if you thought of him as much as he did. The conversation reinforced Constance’s criticisms from the other day. He hadn’t felt this self-conscious in a while. He was not one to idle, immediately finding a hair stylist with an availability. He wanted a transformation that would floor you. With that in mind, he headed to ‘Gallants’. //// The hairstylist was truly annoying, yet he seemed to have magic in his hands. The final reveal shocked Michael also. The confidence he had at Hawthorne seemed to return. He held his head just a little higher as he walked out. He felt everyone’s eyes on him, people stopping to stare at the angelic looking man that strutted down the street. On his way to his next destination, he stopped at the sight of a certain symbol. An inverted cross. His feet had a mind of their own, leading him inside. His scar began to tingle. The congregation turned to stare at the man that had just walked in. They knew. It had to be. The high priestess getting on her knees before him. He could get used to this. //// He reached his final destination for the day. He didn’t usually kill men, but if they got in his way, he didn’t care who he killed. He waited for Kevin to come home. He was going to kill him here. He wasn’t worth the effort of taking him all the way to the murder house. Michael didn’t even give the man a chance to scream. Getting rid of him with a snap of his fingers. //// The murder house watched Michael carefully curate his image the next few months. An entire new wardrobe, his old clothes dumped in the murder house. They watched the elaborate skincare ritual every morning. Carefully peeling away masks and applying serums. How very American Psycho of him. You loved the new look. You made sure everyone in the office new you’d made the right choice. Michael loved the new attention, but he made sure you knew he only had eyes for you. He even planned on offering you a better job in Kineros’ legal team, just so he could keep you close and get you out of the sector you complained about so often. //// A strange thing happened one night. Michael took the camcorder down into the basement with him, setting the lens to record his newest victim. After he was done, he burned the footage onto a disk. What was he up to? //// You were on autopilot as you opened your door. You felt numb. Ms Grace had become another victim to ‘the Alpha’ along with one of your neighbours. You spent the entire day in police interviews, trying to make sense on the situation. As you walked into the house, you stepped on something. A thick envelope, labelled only with your name. You picked it up with shaky hands and opened it. In it was just an unlabelled disc and a sticky note saying ‘love from the Alpha’. It made your blood run cold. This had to be a joke. Some was messing with you; it could be the only explanation. You ran to your DVD player, you had to see what was on the disc, you hoped it was some shitty quality movie ripped from the internet. The video came on, starting in a dark room. The camera turned to a woman tied up, it zoomed in on her face and you immediately recognised her as Ms Grace. Your eyes widened and you felt ill, running to the bathroom to be sick. It was still playing when you came back, changing to a different video. It was dark again but it all seemed so familiar. The camera panned up and you gasped, your hands covering your face. It was a video of you, sleeping in your own home. You no longer felt safe here. You quickly took the disc out and grabbed your essentials, running to your car. As you pulled out your street, you had no idea what turn to take. Turning right would lead to the police station, you could submit the disc and ask for protection. However, they rarely did anything about stalking cases, and the disc had your finger prints all-over it. A left turn would lead to Michael. You felt safe around him and you were sure he could offer you comfort at this time. The beeping behind you made you make your decision. //// You pulled up outside Michael’s house. You rapidly knocked on the door, there was no answer. No light was on in the house. You prayed to whoever that would listen that he didn’t have any other plans for the night. As you lost hope and looked around, your eyes fell to the imposing structure next door. You remembered a conversation where he had said he was restoring the home. A light was on. With a deep breath, you ran up the steps, repeating your previous actions and hoping for a response. A shocked Michael opened the door. You immediately wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest and sobbing. You didn’t notice the feral look he had going on. Hair dishevelled and blood-stained clothes. He gently put the knife down and wrapped his arms around you, cooing and shushing you. Telling you to calm down and it would all be okay. He was glad you were wearing a dark colour; you hadn’t noticed the stickiness of his hands and the stain they left. He gently moved you into the house, shutting the door. He used his magic to shut the basement door too. Your face was still buried in his arm as he walked you up the stairs. You should have paid attention to your strange surroundings. The ghosts of the house looked at you with the greatest of pity, wishing they could do something.

He sat you down on the bed, kneeling before you and taking your hands in his. “Hey, look at me. What’s going on?” he asked gently, wiping your eyes. You sniffled and calmed your breathing, trying not to freak out again as you explained the situation to him. “I… I think he’s after me,” you whispered. “Who’s ‘he?” “The Alpha, he’s after me, I know it.” Michael paused, you must have seen the DVD. He had to stop himself from laughing. “Why do you think that hmm?” his thumb stroked your cheek. “Three people I know have died and then I got this DVD in the mail,” you paused, “It… it’s a video of Ms Grace tied up and then one of me sleeping,” you began to cry again. Michael sat on the bed next to you, pulling you in for a hug, you buried your face into him again, taking in his scent and trying to calm down. “You’re the only person I feel safe around,” you mumbled. Michael smiled into your hair. He had you exactly where he wanted. ////

You decided to wash your face after you had calmed down. Wetting a towel with cold water, you placed it on your eyes in an attempt to de-puff them. The ghosts thought this was the perfect opportunity to warn you about your possible doom. Vivienne pulled open the shower curtain behind you. Revealing a bathtub full of ice and another victim placed in it. However, their plan didn’t seem to work. You didn’t even look back at the sound, having walked out the bathroom just in-time. Michael was sitting on the bad, waiting for you. He had changed into more casual clothing and was rolling a joint. “It might help you calm down,” he smiled up at you, twisting the end off. You sat back on the bed and joined him, relaxing into the headboard. The conversation was casual and mundane, something you really needed right now. Between the sound of his voice and the passing of the joint, you had no idea how much time had passed. All you knew at this moment was that you wanted to be as close to him as possible. Hands began to wander, and your lips met for a heated kiss, you ended up straddling him. You let yourself be lost in the haze, not knowing exactly when your clothes came off, just that you enjoyed the feel of his skin on yours. You lifted your hips, moving to finally having him inside you, to be as close as you could be. You waited a little, resting your forehead on his shoulder as you got used to his size and took it all in. The feeling of his hands rubbing up and down your spine was blissful. His hands finally rested on your hips, gripping them and encouraging you to finally move. You complied, taking your time. You moved away from his shoulder. He took the opportunity to leave marks all over your breasts. It just felt so good. You could feel that you wouldn’t last much longer, your movements becoming sloppier. Michael rested his hand on your throat, his face morphed into something a lot more vicious than you were used to. It must have rang some alarm bells, but you weren’t listening. His grip on your neck tightened, and his hips began to thrust up, meeting your movements. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as his grip tightened once more, causing the coil in your belly to snap. Your legs shook, walls pulsing around him as he followed not long after. He pulled you into a deep kiss by your neck, slowly moving you off him and onto the bed. You lay there catching your breath, staring into his eyes. Just for that brief moment, nothing else mattered, forgetting about the serial killer that was on the hunt somewhere. You got closer to him and got comfortable, your head resting on his chest, being lulled by his heartbeat. “I was thinking,” he started. “Hmm?” you mumbled back, enjoying the vibration of his speech. “Maybe you should take a break from work for a while and stay with me for a bit, just until things calm down,” he suggested. At that moment in time, the combined high of weed and sex made it seem like a genius idea. Surely it was the most obvious solution? “Yeah it’s a good idea,” you yawned. The exhaustion caught up to you, your heavy eyes falling shut. Michael squeezed you just a little tighter and smirked up at the residents that had surrounded you. Their looks of pity towards you were something else. Michael buried his face into your hair, turning off the lights around him. It was the most blissful sleep he had had in years.

////

You woke up sometime the next afternoon. Michael was nowhere to be seen. After using (the now empty) bathroom, you ventured through the house. It looked different. It looked complete in a way. The tarp, random cans of paint and building materials that you were sure where there last night, were gone. It was as if it had been transformed overnight. The strangest thing was how familiar the décor and interior looked. It looked like a bigger version of your own home. It felt familiar yet uncomfortably so. Quite frankly, it looked like your dream home, styled as if it was going to featured in Architectural Digest. You knew it didn’t look like this last night, nothing close to it. Then you thought back to the wardrobe upstairs, the one you had sleepily pulled your current clothing out of. It was full of your own clothing. Clothing that you didn’t bring with you. Did Michael do this while you were asleep? When did he get the time? You scoured the house for your car keys and purse. Only finding pieces of familiar décor instead. Your stomach got the better of you, heading to the kitchen and hopefully finding something to eat. The pantry was stocked full of your favourites, pulling out a box of your favourite cereal. It was at this moment you were sure that all the pieces were taken from your home. One of the cereal bowls had the same chip that yours had. The nervousness and paranoia of last night began to seep back into you, your face visibly twisted in those emotions. As you mindlessly ate your cereal, the basement door creaked open. You stopped mid chew to look. You quickly swallowed and slowly walked towards it. Telling yourself that there was nothing to fear, and that you were just going to shut it. You heard a thud as you reached the door. Maybe Michael was down there and needed some help or something. You slowly walked down the steps, being careful not to make any noise. Your hand covered your mouth to stop your scream and prevent you from vomiting from the smell. The image forever burned into your memory. There was blood everywhere. Michael had his back turned to you, you were sure he hadn’t sensed your presence yet. You slowly backed away, trying to be quiet and not alert him. You let out a shaky breath when you were back in the hallway. You didn’t care about finding your things now, you had to get out of here. The front door wouldn’t budge open, the backdoor was no different. None of the window’s downstairs would open either. You then remember one of the windows was cracked open in the room you were sleeping in. You may injure yourself, but it looked like your only way out. You pushed the window up even further, making enough room for you to jump out. You hoisted one leg over the ledge, looking out for your landing spot. You prepared yourself to move the other leg, but it wouldn’t budge. You tugged at it a few times before looking back. Those blue, rage filled eyes were staring back at you, holding your leg, and preventing you from getting out. “Get. Back. In.,” he said, through clenched teeth. You shook your head, looking away from him. You didn’t want to think about who’s blood he was covered in. “Please let me go,” you whispered, hoping he’d take mercy on you somehow. His grip just got tighter. You mustered up all your strength, kicking him off you. He let go of your leg, it gave you enough time to jump. You felt the wind rush around you as you fell. You hit the ground a lot harder than you thought. Your head ricocheted off the ground painfully. You ignored the crunch your legs made. Everything hurt so bad, the pain wouldn’t even let you scream. You knew you had calculated your fall right. The ghosts thought you did too, all watching with various shocked expressions. You tried to move and look around you and stay awake. You could only look up. Through your darkening vision, the last thing you saw was Michael leaning out the window, smiling down at you. The cat had caught the canary.

////

You groaned in pain as you opened your eyes.

The light was blinding, difficult to adjust to.

Where were you? Why were you here? How long had it been?

As you looked around, the room looked familiar, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

“Oh? You’re finally awake, It’s been a few days, I missed seeing your eyes” a male voice spoke from beside you.

You slowly turned your head to the voice.

The man looked familiar; you raked your brain to figure out who it was.

He placed his hand on your cheek, you hissed and flinched as he stroked scabby and bruised skin. “Look at you. If you had stayed inside, we wouldn’t be here now, would we?”

His eyes finally met yours and everything came rushing back.

A feeling of dread overtook you. You tried to shuffle away from him, but something was preventing you from moving.

You tried to figure out what it was. Looking yourself over, noticing the blanket was bulky.

You momentarily forgot about the predator in the room, pulling the blanket away and revealing your legs, both in casts.

One of the casts had been signed, ‘get well soon, Love, your Alpha’.

You wanted to sob, but you knew any sudden movements would be painful.

Michael rolled his eyes and pulled the blanket back over you, tucking you in.

“If you’re good, you’ll get your painkillers. If you’re bad…,” he leaned over you, putting his weight on your legs, “I’ll cut them off next time,” he grinned.

He got onto the other side of the bed, holding you close to him, squeezing you just a little too tight, and giving your forehead a kiss.

Not even the apocalypse could get you out of his grasp now, he’d kill you both before anything tried to take you from him. Wherever you were, that was his sanctuary. Even if it meant eternal torment in the pits of hell, it didn’t matter, as long as it was with you.

[meetmeatthecoda]

Now that I’ve had some time to cry & mourn & actually think about that horrendous excuse for television... I have... some thoughts.

Firstly, the pace of that episode was insane. I mean, the season itself felt like we were slowly & tortuously hacking our way through a tangled rain forest, trying desperately to see the forest for the trees, but instead stuck cutting vines & branches down one by one... until we got to that finale, which felt comparatively like finally cutting away all the dense foliage only to immediately fall off a fucking cliff. You could just tell they were using the least amount of dialogue they could to move through so many weird emotions at fucking breakneck speed. I mean there was... the brief aftermath in Latvia, the 4 second plane ride to re-introduce Red’s illness after how many eps, Liz’s 3 second long recuperation, the awkward attempt at humor with the helium followed by a crash landing into solemnity at Red’s talk with Cooper, the abrupt & unsatisfying discussion with Red & Liz where he makes his rEqUESt, all the different “heartfelt” one-on-ones with Liz’s people, the fucking forced af “romance” with K**nler, the shoe-horned “chance meeting” with Beth Ryker, the most Agnes has ever talked in the history of ever, the weirdly morbid & fucking heartbreaking walk in the park, the choppy restaurant scene, to the unmentionable... end event. It went all over the place, which is very unlike TBL imo, which usually seems to stick to a theme or emotional center for an entire episode, whether blacklister or mythology driven. I think it was painfully clear how poor their planning was (when they have literally no excuse bc they knew this was coming the whole season???) & just how much shit they were trying to squeeze into one episode.

Secondly - & this may seem obvious, but I think it’s worth talking about anyway - Liz should have gotten her answers. And I’m not just saying this as a Lizzington shipper (I mean, mostly I am, but there are other reasons also!) Primarily, I think bc... literally everyone expected them. Not just bc they were advertised (it’s certainly not the first time they’ve delighted in false advertising in promos when it comes to the all-important AnSwErS) but bc THEY MADE SURE EVERYONE KNEW BEFOREHAND THAT IT WAS MEGAN’S LAST EP. It might have been mildly acceptable to play coy for yet another season finale IF she was coming back in some capacity later to eventually wrap things up, but - given that they fucking slammed the door on that possibility - THEY SHOULD HAVE GIVEN US ANSWERS. I don’t think anyone considered the possibility that they would KILL her & NOT give us answers bc it makes no fucking sense. Additionally, Liz should have gotten her answers simply bc SHE!! DESERVED!! THEM!! They’re literally the thing she’s been fighting for for eight seasons & she fucking died without them? WTF??? But, most importantly to us Lizzington shippers, Liz not getting her answers ruined the park fantasy. I think we all imagined (BC IT WAS MEGAN’S LAST EP) that Red & Liz would finally talk & Red would give her the answers she wanted. I think we all expected from the (misleading) promo that he would make some sense out of the potentially jumbled memories/visions (?) from 8.21 &, most importantly, there would be SOME KIND OF EMOTIONAL TURNING POINT, SOME CATHARSIS, AN UNDERSTANDING & RENEWED LOVE BETWEEN THEM DRIVEN BY THE AFOREMENTIONED REVELATIONS (& LOVE OF WHATEVER KIND, MIND YOU, WE WEREN’T PICKY, JUST SOMETHING FOUNDED ON RECONCILIATION & PEACE.) But - bc they denied us that - Liz was still in the dark & waiting on answers for the entire ep, unable to forgive or reconnect with her true feelings for Red (whatever you believe them to be) & this made her reaction to Red’s rEqUeSt ring very hollow & detached, the whole park bench conversation stilted & awkward (on Liz’s end) & - THE WORST PART - it made the whole park fantasy feel FALSE. It cheapened it. Like she was just indulging him, letting him walk with her & play with Agnes & enjoy one more day of life before she indifferently killed him. The one thing we expected to get, should have gotten, & THOUGHT WE WOULD HAVE NO MATTER WHAT ELSE HAPPENED IN THE FINALE was ruined. With the assisted suicide talk beforehand, the almost begrudging acceptance from Liz, the obvious morbid mindset from Red, the song in the background, the context of it all. It put an awful spin we completely didn’t expect on what should have been our beautiful Lizzington park fantasy. And I think that may be the part that hurts the most - the fact that I can only look at gifs of that scene - bc the music & dialogue & context completely undermine what Liz’s fantasy should have been, that she got for just one afternoon, when she was supposed to be happy & at peace with Red & Agnes.

Thirdly, (anyone still there? lolz) the whole “plot” of this episode was fucking nonsensical. Chiefly - & many other people have pointed this out before now - Red would never ask Liz to kill him. I simply call bullshit. No matter how hard they tried to justify it (& boyyyyy, did they try) Red has never wanted Liz to be a killer, criminal, or have to live a life like him. He has canonically said as much. I could maybe buy the whole “taking over his empire” thing as the seasons progressed, but asking Liz to live with the guilt (however slight or delayed) of killing him, after everything they’ve been through together, after she told him she loves him (seasons ago, but the feelings are still there, albeit buried deep)? And thereby launching her (& by extension Agnes) directly into harm’s way as the “new” Concierge of Crime (?), without him there to guide her from the shadows? No way. Bullshit. Also - & @iwouldlovetoeatyourtoast mentioned this first, I believe - the whole idea of it was stupid anyway bc Liz has spent the entire season chasing him, has repeatedly gotten opportunities to take the big shot, & has always been unable to kill him. It wasn’t even an engaging tWiSt to throw in at the very end bc - even when she agreed to do it - we all knew it wouldn’t happen, also bc Megan was the one leaving & not James. So, it wasn’t a surprise when she broke down at the end & said she couldn’t, so wtf was the point?

Fourthly (almost to the end, god this feels good) & this was a huge tell imo - everyone was OOC. Now you might say that’s the bitterness talking & you might be right... but you fucking try & tell me that 1) Red all of a sudden decides he’s ready for death after how long of not accepting it or mentioning it & absolutely must be killed by Liz & no one else within the next 24-48 hours 2) Liz would willingly go along with that for even a second 3) Dembe wouldn’t try his damnedest to talk Red out of assisted suicide in general & especially coercing Liz into doing it 4) Ressler would be the one to fucking figure it out & hightail it out of bed AFTER BEING ON DEATH’S DOOR WITH A BUSTED LUNG & SEPSIS FFS 5) Wolf Man Van Dyke would even know where to find Liz on a random fucking street corner outside a random fucking restaurant 6) Red wouldn’t see him behind Liz taking aim 7) THERE WOULDN’T BE A DECLARATION OF FEELINGS/LOVE CONFESSION BETWEEN RED & LIZ IN THE 14 MILLION OBVIOUS PLACES THERE COULD HAVE BEEN *PRIMARILY AFTER SHE SAYS “I CAN’T DO IT, I DON’T WANT TO” I MEAN, HELLO????? WTF, WHY WASN’T THERE AN “BC I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU TOO, LIZZIE” LIKE HOW HARD WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN, IT WAS THE PERFECT PLACE, THE LAST CHANCE, & WE FUCKING DESERVED ITTTTTTTTTTT *ahem* & lastly, & most importantly, & I’m definitely going to cry typing this... 8) if you fucking try to tell me that Red would allow himself to be pulled away from Lizzie’s dead body for a second time by Dembe or anyone else (especially when it was only the stupid task force arriving???) without simply crossing the street to load his gun with trembling fingers, pull the trigger, & join her... you’re fucking crazy.

In conclusion, bc this has gone on long enough, this was just... a hasty, sloppy, rushed, unprepared, careless ending on all fronts, no matter how hard they tried to convince us it was totally-100%-on-purpose-of-course-why-do-you-ask? (And I’m not even touching on the Redarina bait bc fuck that shit.) Like, did anyone else feel like when Red was telling Dembe that he was sure & this was what he wanted & really he’s positive so please stop asking, and when he was explaining things to Liz in almost too much detail, and when he was telling Harold this was absolutely necessary... that it was really the writers trying to convince us? It just felt so sudden & forced & heavy-handed & absurdly preventable & at the same time ridiculously unstoppable... I mean, look, whatever drama clearly went on behind the scenes? I think we can all agree that they did a terrible, awful, shit-tastic job on all fronts. And it’s just such a shame that that’s how it ended 💔

[astralbooks]

Youngblood - Sasha Laurens

Read: 15/07/22 - 21/07/22

Rating: 2/5

Rep: lesbian main characters, f/f relationship, gay side character, biracial British Indian side character, Chinese side character, non-binary minor character

CW: racism, antisemitism, homophobia, bullying, violence, murder & attempted murder, death of a parent (in backstory), food insecurity, toxic relationship, depiction of a panic attack, underage alcohol consumption, emesis

Review:

I was supposed to be on a blog tour for this book, but the tour was cancelled due to problematic content. Having now finished reading this book for myself, I can see why.

This book is trying to be a look at how the capitalist upper class do not care about and actively exploit those who they see as being beneath them, and that even the rich people who aren’t actively involved in hurting others like this are still passively accepting this system and perpetuating that hurt in the process. That’s what it’s trying to do. Taylor and Galen just not getting it whenever Kat ran into a roadblock or couldn’t take a certain risk due to her precarious position because they’re used to things being easy for them because they’re rich vampires who’ve never had to worry about where their next meal would come from came close to being a decent allegory for class differences in reality. However, Kat always fell short of putting it into words that these two, especially Taylor as she got angry with Kat more than once over Kat’s unwillingness to throw everything she had away, could never fully understand what her life had been like and so why she felt like she had to act a certain way as a result. Also, the reveals near the end of the book undermined this whole message, so. Never mind, I guess.

Other reviewers have spoken about the antisemitism present in this book, so I’m not going to be saying anything new here. One of the people involved in the plot to secretly control the world using blood is literally compared to a lizard at one point. I’m sure that Laurens didn’t intend to incorporate antisemitic tropes, but it’s something that authors writing about vampires need to be careful of, and the lizard comparison makes it blatantly clear that Laurens wasn’t careful.

When protagonist Kat points out that this super expensive and selective school, only attended by those deemed ‘the best of the best’ by the headmaster, only has seven students who aren’t white, and asks why this is, she get the response, from the other protagonist who we’re supposed to also be rooting for, that poc probably wouldn’t want to come to a school this elitist anyway. Not that the way the system has been designed means that poc are excluded from the opportunities that rich white people have, but that they wouldn’t want to come in the first place. And then the matter is dropped and never brought up again. Huh?

There are two major characters of colour in this book. One is Galen, the super rich heir to a shady family business, whose mother is Indian. His dad was with the British East India Company, y’know, that colonised and committed atrocities in India, and he harassed Galen’s mother for years into accepting his proposal, and this is apparently supposed to be ‘not as messed up as it sounds.’ The screenshot has been floating around Twitter recently, and it would be one thing if it was shown that Galen is wrong about it not being messed up or that he’s trying to convince himself that it’s okay when it’s not, but that’s not what’s going on here. Kat drops the discussion, and doesn’t think about it any further, and it’s never addressed. I don’t believe that if a character says something in a book that automatically means the author believes it, but this revisionist history being left entirely unchallenged in a YA novel is at best irresponsible, especially when coming from a white author. Later on, Galen is asked why he’s not in the school’s society for students of colour, and he brushes it off saying that it’s not really for people like him. What’s that supposed to mean? He’s not white, but not so not white that he considers it to be an important part of him, and he seems to view himself as being above poc who do see it as important. Again, this comment is made without note and is left unchallenged, and while there could be room for a story exploring this disconnect in his identity, this story doesn’t get explored here, and shouldn’t really be tackled by a white author anyway.

The other major character of colour is a girl specifically described as being Chinese named Lucy. Lucy is a social media influencer and forms half of a mean girl duo with white girl Evangeline. Lucy’s role in the story is to introduce the concept of vampiric charisma to the reader, that’s how she got all her followers after all, and to cause a major incident in the book. Lucy throws a party at which she brings along some humans for the vampires in attendance to drink from, which is shown to be an unambiguously violent and horrific thing for her to do and for people to be participating in. The Chinese character is the most actively violent and has amassed a large following through mind control. Um??? 

The endings for both of these characters are also worth mentioning. Galen is left in a difficult position, with his future looking uncertain and unstable, and the main characters wonder if they could’ve done more to help him before ultimately shrugging it off. Lucy and Evangeline both tormented Kat and Taylor throughout the book, but at the end of everything Taylor is still in contact with Evangeline and they’re on kinda good terms, while Lucy is despised by them both and Kat’s going around telling her human friends that Lucy is ‘problematic’ and that they should unfollow her. First, I died a little inside at the Twitter-style phrasing, which Kat said out loud, because of the level of understatement there. Second, and more importantly, the white girl can be forgiven for everything she did, but the non-white characters can’t and either have to be left in a worse position than they started in or have to be completely villainised. Why is that? Why were these characters written in this way? I mean, we know why. It’s unacceptable, and frankly it’s gross.

There’s a minor running theme through this book that being apathetic and constantly judging everyone around you aren’t good things, and spending your life thinking you’re better than everyone else is only going to make you and the people around you miserable. Except this is first said by characters (Lucy and Evangeline) who don’t take their own advice, and Taylor never seems to learn it either, and right at the start Taylor was girl-hatey about people who hadn’t done anything to her except exist in her proximity, and in the end I could see what Laurens was trying to do but I think she seriously missed the mark.

Has Laurens ever met a teenager? The school doesn’t have a set of rules, instead it has an ‘Honor Code’ that students are expected to apply to every situation and magically know whether they are or aren’t allowed to do something according to it, with them potentially getting in a lot of trouble if they guess wrong. When I was in year 12, so when I was the same age as the characters here, my school had a dress code. The intention behind it was for us to dress smartly, but it was pretty specific in weird and unnecessary ways, especially for girls, disallowing some things that were perfectly workplace appropriate and allowing some things that were decidedly not. Of course, this led to many people making sure to wear things in the latter category. We ended up having an assembly telling us that we needed to dress ourselves according to ‘the spirit of the dress code’, a phrase which became an instant school-wide meme because of how ridiculous it was. If it wasn’t specifically written down in the rules, and sometimes even if it was specifically written down in the rules but we disagreed with it, then it wasn’t getting obeyed. Kat worrying about the Honor Code made sense, but any other student in that school citing it at any point absolutely did not. They wouldn’t care. Have you ever met a 16/17 year old who’s that pressed about not making their school look bad? Over ‘rules’ that aren’t even concretely written down anywhere? I certainly haven’t.

I’m aware that the Harry Potter reference in the arc is changed into a Star Wars reference in the final version of the book, however this reference shouldn’t have made it this far in the first place. Rowling showed her hand long enough ago that it’s baffling that Laurens included it at all. Plus, the reference is in the context of negatively describing how somebody looks, so either way it comes off as mean spirited and not strictly necessary.

I enjoyed the way that the scene detailing Kat’s queer crisis was written, with her spiralling thoughts being intercut with what she was physically doing at the time. I appreciated that it was highlighted that while some queer people always know that they’re queer, some queer people do not, and the belief that queer people always knew who they were from the moment they were capable of forming thought can do more harm than good to people who are questioning. I liked that Kat figured out that she liked girls, and thought that she probably didn’t like guys, but ultimately put the label question to the side as her actively liking girls, and specifically Taylor, was the more important thing. Taylor calls herself a lesbian many times, so this wasn’t a case of a weird aversion to the word lesbian, but for a lot of people it’s not that simple and it’s not that clear cut and all they’ll achieve by trying to pin themselves down immediately is extra stress. Kat is most likely a lesbian, but her figuring out that she’s definitely attracted to women, and deciding that figuring out for certain whether she’s attracted to men too or not is a problem for another day, was an approach that I did enjoy.

It doesn’t make up for any of the racism though. Not even a little. And the relationship between the girls didn’t quite hit for me, either. I would not recommend this book.

Thank you to Razorbill, TBR and Beyond Tours, and NetGalley for an e-arc of this book

[iamanartichoke]

Natasha as well as other Avengers has showed remorse for her actions and became a better person and a hero by saving people and the world, Loki didn't. He's a cool character and good villain but he's not written like that because writers have some prejudice against him. He was always meant to be a bad guy.

I can’t tell if you’re arguing that Loki genuinely never showed remorse and that’s what makes him a villain over the rest of the Avengers, or if you’re arguing that the narrative has never allowed Loki to show remorse, thus cementing his villain status. 

Because, really, it’s the latter. There has never been any room or opportunity in the story for Loki to express any remorse, and even if there was, who would he express it to? To Thor, whom by the time The Dark World began was 500% done with Loki and wouldn’t have heard him out anyway? To Odin, who 1) literally disowned Loki like he was trash (”your birthright was to die”) and 2) had so many war crimes under his belt I’m surprised he could even buckle it? The Avengers? The Warriors Three + Heimdall, who all committed treason against Loki pretty much the same day he was made regent? 

This is the whole problem. Because the narrative needs Loki to be the villain, they have to manipulate the rest of the story in order for it to fit even though he is not truly a villain at heart. They delete scenes that portray him sympathetically or provide any justifiable context to his actions; they position the other characters - Loki’s family and friends - as distrustful and suspicious of him, for no real reason except that he’s Loki. He’s pushed to his breaking point and then, when the smoke clears and he’s left to face the consequences of what he’s done, no one around him cares to ask why. 

Natasha has the opportunity to show remorse because Clint gave her that opportunity. he saw something in her and “made a different call.” Nobody, not even Thor, has ever done that for Loki. 

There’s this inherent implication in the argument of “well, Loki never showed remorse” that Loki should have shown up subservient and disgraced, falling to his knees for forgiveness while everyone around him contemptuously decided whether or not they felt like giving it. Not only would Loki never do that, out of principle alone, but no one else is held to that same expectation. 

Everyone else in the story has been given the opportunity to show their remorse through their actions or because someone else has seen the potential in them or even just taken the time to listen to them. But Loki - no one bothers to ask, no one gives him the benefit of the doubt. And furthermore, when Loki does show remorese through his actions and literally sacrifices his life for Thor, it’s still somehow not enough to prove that Loki is a good person. The narrative even takes it a step further and undermines it by retconning his death and acting like he faked it for the lulz. No other character is treated that way.