#it’s the crushing fear of letting anyone down for any reason due to childhood trauma

[pwurrz]

*looks at all the similarities between me and kaveh*

*slowly adds him to my kin list*

[maddiwrites]

The Hybrid (Prologue)

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: The Pogues rekindle their friendship with their old childhood best friend and JJ’s first crush, Y/N. Old feelings resurface for JJ and Y/N, possibly leading to a summer neither one of them could ever forget. Due to past trauma, Y/N is reluctant to let anyone into her heart, but JJ never backs down from a challenge, even if he knows it will come back to haunt him in the end.

Note: So happy to be back with another series!!! I honestly really missed posting. Unlike Secrets of the Shore, updates will be slower because I don’t have them all written out yet. A couple things I wanted to let you know before you read. I based Y/N’s family off of Gilmore Girls. I thought they were the perfect fit for this story and the show in general and I just love their dynamic. (Including Luke who I renamed Steve for obvious reasons). Chapter 1 will explain more obviously but I wanted to give you guys a little snippet of the characters and relationships. So let me know what y'all think!

Word Count: 3.3k

Outer Banks. Paradise on Earth. It's the sort of place where you either have two jobs or two houses. Two tribes, one island. As you know, the Outer Banks is essentially divided into two groups. If we want to be blunt - it’s the rich and the poor. Figure Eight is home to the rich. Aka the Kooks. With houses bigger than necessary with extra rooms that go untouched, boats the size of homes on the Cut - the other side of the island. Most people who live on Figure Eight are your naturally raised assholes. People who don’t know the value of a dollar and take advantage of people who do most of their dirty work that lets them prance around the island with perfectly manicured fingernails. These hard workers are the Pogues. They live on the south side of the island where most Kooks wouldn’t be found dead. They serve fancy meals at the country club for shitty tips, mow lawns, and work their asses off at any other job for minimum wage. The drastic difference in lifestyles tend to cause many spats and arguments between the two communities. Especially between the teenagers who still don’t know how to control their raging emotions or know when to bite back their tongue. For the Kooks, every fight is a fight for dominance where as the Pogues fight for equality - to put the Kooks in their place. Many of these fights happen at summer parties where the two groups clash to find a good time with their friends filled with alcohol, drugs, and good music.

That’s where they find themselves tonight. The infamous Pogues. John B, JJ, Kie, Pope, and now Sarah Cameron. Although born a natural Kook, she’s earned her spot next to the adventurous teens and her boyfriend. Unlike her brother Rafe who basically is the leader of his notorious group. Topper and Kelce are his best friends who follow him blindly.

The Pogues watch them from their spot surrounding the keg. Kie purses her lips in distaste as the boys cat call for the ladies around them. Somehow most of them finding it flattering. Sarah sips on her beer to hide her embarrassment, often wondering how she and her brother grew up to be so different. Pope and John B stay mostly disinterested, only worried if they try to make a pass at an unwilling girl or fire a degrading comment at their short tempered friend. JJ Maybank is known around the island for his trouble making behavior. Usually if he gets in trouble for fights, no one ever asks who the other people were in the scuffle. Because if JJ Maybank is in the fight, he’s the one who started it, right? Wrong. In fact, JJ usually is never the one to start it. He’s good at keeping his head down and only speaking when spoken to when it comes to the Kooks - the only form of advice worth taking from his father. But his short temper is something the Kooks his age loved to take advantage of because they liked getting a rise out of him. It was like an adrenaline rush.

Luckily, tonight both groups were keeping their distance, either only talking to each other or random Tourons that have found their way to the party. This is usually JJ’s favorite part of a boneyard party. Finding his one fish in a sea of many that he can reel in just for the night and never have to worry about seeing them again.

He has his eyes set on a beautiful blonde making her way to the bonfire when all of a sudden Kie’s voice pulls him out of his trance.

“What’s she doing here?”

JJ follows her line of vision, spotting you walking down the wooden steps that lead to the beach, pulling your best friend behind you by his wrist. He first notices your smile and how it brightens up your entire face. Then of course his eyes scan down your slim but athletically toned body. You’re wearing a pair of jean shorts and a cropped white T shirt that says UNC across the chest. Who knew someone could look so good without even trying?

Well JJ did. He’s known it for a while.

“Careful. I think you’re drooling,” John B whispers in his best friend’s ear.

JJ pushes him away and mutters, “Shut up. No I’m not.”

But maybe he was.

Y/N Y/L/N is a unique resident of the island. Unlike majority of the island, she doesn’t fall in either Kook or Pogue category. She’s what everyone calls the Hybrid.

People who work hard for what they have but haven’t fallen to be Pogue status. Quite literally living in the middle in a place they call the Crest.

Your story is well versed among the gossipers of the island (which tends to be just about everybody).  And mainly that’s because of who your grandparents are.  Claude and Doris Y/L/N. Two of the riches people on the island, living in a three story house on the beach. Many people fear them, others envy them. Most feel both. Even Ward Cameron walks on egg shells around them, which is quite often, considering he works for Claude. They’re the kind of people who have never heard of Barefoot wine or Walmart. They keep their noses up and turn a blind eye to the suffering communities around them. Thirty four years ago, Doris gave birth to a daughter that couldn’t be more opposite than them. Lorelai Y/L/N was a wild child. A rule breaker. She snuck out at nights, dated boys her parents would never approve of, dabbled in breaking the law here and there. It didn’t matter how many times her parents disciplined her. She always managed to make her parents’ life a living hell. 

No one was surprised when word got passed around that Lorelai had gotten pregnant at eighteen. Although it was with another Kook, she brought shame upon her family name when she refused to get an abortion, even when her mom tried dragging her by her hair. 

Lorelai risked everything by running away from her parents’ home in the middle of a windy night. With only one suitcase, the baby daddy out of the picture, and less than a grand in her pocket, she managed to make a life for herself on the South side of the island. She worked two jobs, found an affordable apartment for cheap rent, and managed to save some money before her babies were born.

Yes, babies. As in more than one. Five months after running away from home, she gave birth to twin girls and they instantly became her entire life. With the help of her best friend Steve, who she met one month after being on her own, meeting him at his automotive shop when she very much literally rolled her junky car into the garage, she raised you and your sister on the Cut. The two of you are her greatest accomplishment. Every now and then, she mentally throws up a middle finger to everybody who doubted her, proud of who the two of you have become. 

Right before you turned ten, your mom took a business risk and opened her own Cafe. The Bikini Beans cafe, very popular amongst both Kooks and Pogues. The business did so well that she was able to move the three of you out of your shitty apartment into a beautiful one story home with three bedrooms in between the Cut and Figure Eight, aka the Crest, the summer going into your freshman year.

You actually used to be best friends with John B Routledge, JJ Maybank, and Pope Heyward. It was easier being friends with them than the girls, finding more joy in sports and rough housing than makeup and gossip. 

Doing the same summer that you moved, your mom pulled you out of Kildare County High and placed you in Outer Banks Private Academy. Aka Kook Academy. Around this time, your grandparents had also become more involved in your life, and you wondered if they had somehow bribed your mom into forcing you to transfer schools. You tried asking her during one of your many fights that started with you begging her to keep you at Kildare County High, but she quickly shut you down and told you to be grateful. That was ironic coming from the woman who ran away from the people giving her an expensive high school career. 

You had no choice but to do what your grandparents wanted and attend Kook Academy. Making friends was a lot harder there than it was in Kildare County High. You managed to make one friend in your freshman year. Andre Cortez. Due to an incident a couple years back, you built thick walls and Andre was the only one able to break them down. You were grateful for your friendship, but hanging out with him was nothing like hanging out with the Pogues. 

When you transferred schools, you lost touch with the Pogues slowly. Your life became busy with school and playing dress up for your grandparents and the boys were starting to work. Eventually all contact was cut and ever since, you’ve felt a void in your heart.

“Look,” You tell Andre. “I told you I would be your wing woman and I’m not backing down from what could possibly be the most important role in my life.”

You didn’t notice the Pogues or any of the stares around you. It’s true you’re not much of a party girl. I mean, you’ll go out here and there, have a drink or two, but you felt more comfortable at places where you weren’t surrounded by drunk and horny teenagers. 

“He’s probably not even here,” Andre says. He’s trying to look nonchalant but you notice the way his eyes dance from face to face of the people around him. 

“He told you he was going to be here, right?” You ask him with one brow raised. Andre nods. “Then, we’ll find him.”

Sarah and Kie never made any effort to talk to you at school, but to be fair, neither have you. You’ve heard mixed reviews, some people call them spoiled brats, ungrateful...some even go as far as calling them ‘The Cut Sluts.’ Of course you never take any of those things to heart. You can’t judge a book but it's cover. Plus, they’re friends with your old best friends. They can’t be that bad for John B and JJ and Pope to be hanging out with them, right?

“You think she'll come over here?” Kie asks. No one’s ever said it out loud, but her friends wonder if deep down, Kie was a little jealous of you. Because you were their first real girl friend. You were the first girl they ever let in and opened their heart too. That was a tough pill for Kie to swallow when she originally thought she was that girl. Of course the boys don’t like you any more than Kie and vice versa. But sometimes Kie wishes she could have grown up with the boys the same way you had. 

“Probably not. Unless she’s drinking,” Pope says and motions towards the keg they’re near. 

“I have an idea,” John B says and fills up a red solo cup. He hands it to JJ. “Why don’t you go offer her a cup.”

JJ snags the cup out of John B’s hand and glares at him. “Fuck off, dude.” 

“Do you guys ever see her around at school?” Pope asks the girls.

Sarah shrugs. “Not really. She doesn’t really get a long with my old group of friends.”

Kie rolls her eyes. “No one gets along with your old group of friends.”

Sarah playfully shoves Kie by the shoulder and they laugh. 

“I heard she turned down Raymond Easterling a couple weeks ago and he didn’t take it very well,” Pope says, remembering the words he heard from the kids in his class roaming the school hallways. 

Raymond goes to Kildcare County High with the Pogues. He’s known to be a trouble maker and a class clown. He works with JJ at the country club. The kid can make JJ laugh sometimes, but he wouldn’t necessarily say he likes him all that much. He can be an arrogant asshole with an ego bigger than it should be.

“She turns down everybody,” Sarah says. “Some people at my school call her ‘The Heart Sucker’ because she can pull people in with the snap of her fingers and break their heart just as quickly.”

Something stirred in the pit of JJ’s stomach.

“Hey! Where you going?” John B calls out to JJ who’s making his way deeper into the sea of people on the beach. 

“Taking advantage of a good boneyard party, my friend,” JJ calls back and slugs the rest of his beer. Looking left and right, he searches for the blonde he had eyes on earlier. Because right now, he needed a distraction. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The party starts to die down a little after midnight. Some people leave to find another party, some are passed out in the back of their cars, and others had already found what they were looking for - someone to leave with. 

The boneyard party wasn’t as bad as you expected it to be. You had found a couple of kids from your school who were nice enough to make small talk with you while Andre left to find a guy named Devon, a Touron he’s been talking to who’s renting for the entire summer. 

Now you’re waiting for Andre to come back so the two of you can walk home. You find comfort under a slanted palm tree towards the back of the beach, scrolling through random apps on your phone to pass the time.

“Y/N?” You look up from you phone and smile when you see your former best friend inching closer to you, squinting in the dark to see if it’s really you. 

“Maybank? What are you still doing here?” You stand up and pat the sand off your hands on you thighs. 

Your heart skips a beat in your chest when you look at him. He’s beautiful. Lucious blonde hair, perfectly tanned skin, piercing blue eyes. You always knew JJ was going to grow up to be gorgeous. He was cute when he was younger. At least you always thought so. 

“I was just leaving, but I thought I saw you sitting here and wanted to make sure you were all right.” He knows it’s not like you to stay this late at a party, especially all by yourself. When he first saw you sitting there, he didn’t know if he should say something. Mostly due to nerves of seeing you again. But the other Pogues had already left and he didn’t trust anyone else at the party to be near you alone late at night. It didn’t matter if you were sober or not. 

“Aw. Was JJ Maybank worried about me?” You tease. Talking to him felt easy. As if you never stopped being friends. A few years ago, you and JJ had the best banter. Despite constantly bickering back and forth, John B always swore the two of you would get married one day. The two of you just always clicked like a natural connection. And even now, when only seeing each other every now and then for a few minutes at a time, it felt normal. You smirk when JJ rolls his eyes. “I’m kidding. Yeah, I’m okay. Just waiting for my friend to come back from his little rendezvous,” You say. 

JJ nods. “Did you have a good time? I feel like I never you see at these things.”

“Yeah. Parties aren’t really my thing. But Andre was nervous to meet this guy he’s been talking to for a little while so I came for moral support.”

“Looks like he didn’t need much of the support.”

You shrug. “It’s better that way, anyway. I don’t mind waiting for him. What about you?”

“What about me?” 

“Did you have a good time tonight? I hear your quite the ladies’ man at these things.”

“Come on, Sparky. You know better than to believe everything you hear.”

Your face lights up at the mention of your old nickname. You use to always be busting out the seams with energy. On days where the boys just wanted to chill and play video games, you would drag them to the park for a game of kick ball. Or when they wanted to sleep in after a long week, you showed up at 8 am to drag them out of bed to catch the morning waves. So one day JJ started calling you Sparky, and it stuck with the rest of your little gang. You always pretended to hate it, but secretly you loved it. 

“Oh I don’t believe everything I hear. I do, however, believe what I see. And your arm around that tall blonde in the little black dress looked quite convincing.”

You first saw JJ at the party when he was making his way to the pretty girl by the water. Your teeth involuntarily clenched and there was a twisted feeling in your stomach you couldn’t shake whenever you looked at them. 

In that instant, JJ felt grateful for the dark sky. He felt the rush of heat rise up his neck to his cheeks before he could stop it. He knew the motivation to see that girl was because of you. He just wished you never saw it. But he didn’t know why. 

“I walked her home. She wasn’t my type,” JJ plays it off. 

“I didn’t realize you had a type,” You giggle, but a small part felt relieved to hear this. “So what is it? Your type?”

Hybrids with a Pogue attitude, bright smile, beautiful eyes, and a mouth that could make any sailor turn around, JJ thought. 

“I don’t know. Haven’t figured it out yet.”

You roll your eyes playfully. “Well, when you figure it out let me know.”

“Why? So you can transform into my ideal girl?” He teases.

Now you’re the one thankful for the dark sky. “In your dreams, Maybank. But so far, I do have the perfect wing-woman track record, so if you needed help -”

“I don’t think I need any help in that department. Thank you very much.”

You throw your hands up in fake surrender. “Ooo. Touchy subject.”

JJ rolls his eyes at the same time your phone pings with a text message. You pull it out of your shorts pocket and open the text from Andre, telling you to leave without him because he’s gonna stay out late with Devon and won’t know what time he’s going to be done.

“Everything all right?” JJ says, watching you read the message.

You lock your phone and stuff it in your back pocket again. “Like I said. Perfect wing-woman track record.”

“That was Andre?” 

“Yeah. He’s most likely not coming home tonight.”

“Lucky bastard.”

“At least one of us is,” You joke. 

JJ’s grin slightly falters but you don’t catch it. You have no idea how much he wishes the two of you could be equally as lucky. Together. 

“Well, I should probably go,” You say and bend down to grab your flip flops.

“Let me walk you home,” JJ offers. 

“Oh no. It’s okay -”

“You’re cute. It’s wasn’t up for debate. I’m not letting you walk back by yourself.”

You scoff lightly. “I’ll be fine.”

“Just humor me.”

You roll your eyes and smirk but choose not to argue. In fact, you’re excited to spend more time with JJ. It’s been so long.

“Fine.”

“And here I thought you might’ve grown out of your stubborn phase by now.”

You shove him playfully by the shoulder. “Shut up!”

And just like that, it felt like old times.

[ramblingguy54]

Sonic & Tails R: A Love Letter To Miles Tails Prower’s Characterization

     Warning: This will contain massive spoilers for the short radio play series of Sonic & Tails R. If you haven’t listened to the radio play yet on Youtube, I’d highly recommend any hardcore Sonic fan who hasn’t seen it check it out. It’s one Hell of a treat.

     For as far back as I can remember in my childhood, Tails’ story of trying to step outta Sonic’s shadow has been such a resonating one for myself. Even when I was a much younger kid playing my Dreamcast, during entries like Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, there was some idea lingering about why Tails just stood out more emotionally in his journey to grow beyond depending on Sonic all the time for help. Now here I am a young adult in my late twenties having such a deeper appreciation of this little two tailed genius kiddo because he’s got an important element that’s made him so beloved for good reason.

     In spite of his genius being a rival to that of Eggman’s high IQ and of course proving to surpass it plenty of times when scenarios boil down to being a high stakes battle, Miles Tails Prower beneath it all is still just like any one of us. We’re all trying to find our place in this world about what defines us for who we are as unique people. He wants to be more than just seen as someone who’s alongside Sonic The Hedgehog’s never say die attitude, but prove he’s plenty capable of standing on his own two feet to protect everything the kid holds dear to himself. Underdog stories, when they’re naturally executed very well, can reel me in so easily. They are very much my bread & butter trope I adore seeing.

     To no one’s surprise, the two Sonic Adventure’s iterations portrayal of Tails’ characterization are hands down some of my favorite writing for the two tailed fox, regarding what the 3D era has done toward him, development wise. It gave him more of an existential struggle to endure like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t around to help stop Eggman? What if I’m not strong enough to accomplish what he can?”, making Tails plight to be seen as an equal all the more endearing when stopping Eggman in his climatic battle against the Egg Walker in Station Square. This here is a great use of a timeless lesson you can apply in life that if you set you heart and mind on anything, there isn’t a thing you can’t accomplish on your own, which is why many fell in love with Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s writing for Miles Tails Prower’s journey of independence.

     As someone who comes from a large family tree of relatives, I feel the weight of my existence on my shoulders at a number of points more than I’d care to count, admittedly. Seeing Tails struggle with his sense of purpose, in contrast to observing how much Sonic has accomplished with his carefree, yet deeply compassionate attitude, means the world to me in watching another trying to comprehend their value as a whole on how much they matter, overall. This is a big part of why my fondness for SA1 & 2′s quality has never wavered over these years, besides still obviously enjoying most of their game play mechanics. People can try to debate to their heart’s content on whether the Adventure games still hold up in their own eyes, but I’ll always respect them for how they tried to develop certain characters, such as Tails, Gamma, and Shadow The Hedgehog notably, to attempt expanding upon their characters, as well as world building.

     I won’t bother going into a rant about how Sonic’s recent 3D games have butchered Tails’ personality & relatable nature, due to the current writers in charge of handling the cast of characters. More or less, I greatly empathize toward the notion many have already stated about Tails being so cowardly and God forbid, looking at Lost World, downright severely mean spirited. Rather, I’m obviously writing this lengthy post to breakdown why Sonic & Tails R succeeds, where these certain 3D games have greatly faltered in exploring Tails’ emotional dilemmas as an insecure, yet still having the courage to prove himself, talented boy full of hidden potential he doesn’t quite realize, until his back is against the wall in life threatening situations.

“That day, I realized I couldn’t depend on you forever. Not that I can’t depend on you, but like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t here?”, you know?”

     Sonic & Tails R further delves into this fundamental rule of what has defined Tails in Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s stories of events where Sonic wasn’t there to aid his best bud in taking down Eggman’s evil efforts for global domination, most importantly his fear of defending the Earth without his role model. Besides what I already stated in SA1′s events in Station where he stopped the Egg Walker, as well as the missile Eggman launched from detonating before their climatic battle, Tails watched Sonic blow up in ARK’s capsule presuming him to be dead after Sonic imparted how much faith he has in the kid’s abilities to be truly strong in the face of any foe. Sonic & Tails R manages to use fan service in a way that doesn’t feel like “pandering” for the sake of it, using this past canon material to do more of an in-depth study about Miles’ anxieties of existing without Sonic.

     Wouldn’t put it past them if EmuEmi & crew were using SA2′s Sonic death fake out scene in that space capsule to further add trauma to Tails’ psychological attachment to Sonic, as well as his insecurities of depending on him too much, to boot. While it’s never obviously outright stated in their radio play, I definitely believe they were factoring this element into adding dramatic exploration for why Tails is so self-conscious about the worst case scenario of permanently losing Sonic. Watching Sonic supposedly die put Tails into a deeper state of self-reflection, so I very much enjoyed how they went using these past events to create a thorough exploration about him learning just as it’s important to realize you need to stand up for yourself without using someone else as a crutch all the time, it’s doubly important to remember there’s nothing wrong about asking someone for help when you’re about to be down and out with little options left.

     Sonic & Tails R beautifully builds upon the foundation these two games’ stories left behind years ago, creating new damn great material to explore with the most iconic characters of this cast, Sonic & Tails brotherly dynamic. I’ve been praising Sonic & Tails R out the wazoo for how well it captured Tails underdog story of overcoming death defying odds, but it managed to remind me how simply adorable and outright wonderfully endearing their brotherly chemistry is as a whole. This is a big friendly reminder Sonic isn’t all about being cocky wise cracking character making meta jokes left and right, but he can be plenty capable of showing serious compassion to anyone he values as an ally and friend. This is no greater evident, than with him verbally lifting Tails up in his time of need when he’s self-depreciating his own significance. It can be seen in Episodes 2, 4, and 7 giving Tails motivational pieces of advice.

    Episode 2 In Adabat’s Cavern

-Sonic: Wasn’t it your radar that helped us find these Emerald shards in the first place? How could you be slowing us down when you’ve gotten us this far?

-Tails: But, I...

-Sonic: I could never make something like that. You’re the smartest person I know, Tails. One way or another, we’ll figure this out, count on it.

         Episode 4 In Holoska After Helping Silver Save The Chao

-Sonic: So, what was that back there? At the cave, in Adabat? -Tails: What do you mean? -Sonic: Frozen stiff. Confidence shot. It’s not like you. It was more than feeling like you were “slowing us down”, right?

        Episode 7 Inside The Egg Carrier 3

-Sonic: Let’s split up! I’ll distract them and you can go after the energy source. -Tails: You’re gonna take them on all by yourself!? Let me help, Sonic! -Sonic: No time for this, Tails. Stop overthinking and just go! If I can get their attention, I’ll take the heat off of you and that room you’re going to probably won’t have any security. Take this emerald and I’ll take the other one we have. It’ll lead me right to you after I beat these guys. -Tails: O-Okay... -Sonic: Hold on, Tails! Listen to me. Don’t stop moving and be careful. I’ll be fine and so will you!

     Sonic & Tails R remembers the most crucial detail of their important relationship. One isn’t better than the other and needing to always rely upon that notion for helping one outta a jam, but instead showcases how they’re equals as a team/bros. Sonic may be super fast and strong, however Tails has his intelligence to analyze situations in a different angle Sonic wouldn’t necessarily consider, per say. Which isn’t to say Tails couldn’t put up a fight either, as we’ve seen in SA1 & SA2′s stories where he faced Eggman one on one with no outside help to best him at his own game of wits & strength.

     We get see the apex of this idea through Tails facing Eggman in his super improved mecha walker. Although Tails may get thrown for a loop here at first by Eggman, it’s his villainous speech about winners and losers in their world that ironically does the exact opposite of what he intended. Eggman wanted to crush Tails’ sense of self worth before finishing him off, but all it did was reignite the very lesson Sonic told him earlier before running to distract Eggman’s robotic minions. That said lesson of he’s more than capable of facing dangerous threats

-Eggman: Poor boy. We all have to learn this lesson, sooner or later. In every game there’s no one you can depend on. You’re all alone and you’re either a winner, or a loser. And as you know, loser’s lose all of their lives. Say goodbye, fox!

-Tails: You’re wrong! I can depend Sonic! I won’t let him down! I can’t because...Because he’s depending on me! And because of that I won’t lose to you!

     This radio play strikes a good balance in utilizing the grey moral area about depending on someone vs it being an unhealthy display of attachment derived from serious insecurity. Word’s can’t begin to describe how much I loved this moment to pieces because it’s oh so important for writing Tails’ characterization. If you’re going to tackle him being super self conscious about his reliance on Sonic, then you gotta remember why they are so close to one another to begin with. Sonic & Tails have an unbreakable connection, considering they’ve brought out their best qualities in themselves from being together as individuals. For Sonic, it’s his older brother compassion to Tails to bring him outta feeling melancholy. For Tails, the kid finally understands there isn’t anything wrong with depending on Sonic when he needs it most.

     After all, that’s what a real healthy friendship is all about. Whether you’re giving someone a dose of tough love, or simply a piece of motivational advice, it defines how much you truly care about someone, period. Sonic & Tails have this very same power from their bond, which is why new emeralds form from their compassionate friendship that hasn’t been shaken after all the years they’ve been together. Another detail worth noting is it adds to the lore in an impactful manner when Tikal expresses in Episode 8 about positive connections and thoughts from users of the Chaos Emeralds having a strong will & heart. Using the ideas they had for encapsulating Sonic & Tails’ dynamic to create new emeralds from their love for each other as brothers adds an emotional weight.

“So, Sonic’s not the only one who harness the power of the Chaos Emeralds? I can too!?”

“Yes, you have a strong heart! There is a power waiting to be unlocked within you, as well.”

          I’d always daydreamed about in my childhood seeing Super Sonic & Tails take down a threatening villain, whether it was Eggman or different powerful creature such as Chaos or the Biolizard. You can imagine how fucking giddy I was beyond belief to see this artwork of Episode 9′s cover for the radio play. Tails not only got to have another one on one with Eggman, but a team up with Super Sonic in his own respective Super form? Sign me the Hell up! Talk about an all you eat buffet of good writing for Tails’ journey reaching its climax. Getting to hear this play out, alongside the amazing song of Fly With Me, made it authentically feel like something straight outta if there were an installment of Sonic Adventure 3 being brought into reality, which certainly feels like it now.

     Episode 9 has so much awesome stuff with Sonic & Tails working together in their super forms. Particularly, my favorite scene is at the beginning when Sonic teaches Tails how to navigate his newly acquired speed in his respective Super form. My heart melted hearing Sonic help Tails through it all, while he was overjoyed about how fun this new form is for himself. Wholesome Sonic & Tails content is the perfect daily serotonin for me, easily. It’s an awesome fun fact to know they used a scrapped boss from Tails Tornado segment in SA1 for Eggman’s flying dragon three headed robot in their big final battle, once again using old canon material in a very effective manner to boost the quality of their fan made story.

     It’s been a real thrill to hear Mike Pollock play a straight forward serious Eggman making my day in more ways than one, considering that’s another thing I’ve been yearning for desperately besides Tails being a competent character again. His performance in Episode 9 when Eggman gave that speech about how long he’s been at odds with Sonic & Tails stubborn will power was simply excellent. The moment he told his mechanical dragon to crush them I got serious chills. That’s the Eggman I remember and grew up with. He could be a hammy villain sure, but Eggman wasn’t a doormat that could be swiftly beaten. Robotnik can be considered a serious threat in his own right and this radio play nailed it down to the very letter with how much he predicted their actions.

“Sonic, all I ever wanted to do was be like you. You’re not scared of anyone or anything. I could never be like that. At least, so I thought. I grew from that, but then I got so caught up in trying to prove it that thought it wasn’t okay to depend upon anyone, especially you. I just didn’t want to be that scared little kid in Station Square anymore, but now I understand. It’s okay to depend on your friends. It all means is that we’re stronger together, so the next time Eggman comes back and wants to start any trouble with you, or any of my friends. Emeralds or no emeralds, he’s gonna have to get past me and he won’t!”

Sonic By Episode 1′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here we come!

Tails By Episode 10′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here I come!

Turn your thoughts into power. Be all that you can be.

     The ending legit got me choked up because what of they decided to do for wrapping up Tails journey in a poetic fashion. Having Tails go off on his own separate journey to grow more independence pulled on my heart strings perfectly. Very much so, as I’m transitioning slowly, but surely, into gaining more freedom to go out into the outside world in my own life. Concluding the story, by Sonic & Tails holding onto the two Emeralds their bond had formed from positive energy, due to their powerful friendship, was so heartwarming. This is how you write an overview of what makes Sonic & Tails chemistry work so well as it does.

     Sonic & Tails R’s ending represents while some things never change, like Sonic and Tails bond for each other, it also shows there’s very much a necessity for people to grow, hence Tails’ whole solo journey in the epilogue. People can’t stay in the same place forever and will need go about finding their own path, even if it means saying “goodbye” periodically for a notable amount of time.

     It’s for these reasons I’ve listed in great explanation above throughout this detailed post cement Sonic & Tails R high on my list of favorite Sonic fan projects. They captured the magic of what made the Adventure games so beloved. Gonna be looking back on this passion project for many years to come. Everyone involved in this year long effort of a project dating all the way back Summer of 2020 ought to be immensely proud for how much their hard efforts paid off in the long run.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts here! 

Hope you enjoyed. 

[casually-inlove]

I'm a bit curious about the change in He Tian's attitude towards Mo in some earlier 2016 moments. He looked like he was playing around with Mo and even taunt him then, but the kiss came out of nowhere, and he is now having a crush on the boy. What do you think that makes him interested in Mo in the first place, and at which point did he start taking their friendship seriously, and started loving Mo?

Hey there, anon!

That’s a fabulous question actually. At some point, I also wondered what it was that made He Tian interested in Momo to begin with, or when this transition actually happened, and I was addling my head a lot over it, lol. I can only speculate here, but nonetheless here goes.

First of all, let’s take a look at how OX initially presented He Tian. We saw a wealthy, privileged and somewhat snobbish boy, who enjoyed top grades and enduring popularity among other students. Hell, even the teachers were fond of him, while girls flocked around He Tian every break. Whatever he said or mentioned was being met with giggles and bashful sighs. You get the picture. 

Unfortunately, it’s all but a pretty wrapping. In reality, none of those people knows who He Tian really is. We as readers know that in fact, He Tian suffers from profound loneliness. We know that despite all that money, he barely has any noteworthy personal possessions. That he still experiences the aftershocks of childhood traumas. That his relationships with his family are deeply fractured. People who surround He Tian on a daily basis could be described as sycophants. Their adoration towards him is pretty shallow. They are so crazy about him why exactly? Because he’s handsome, rich, popular, etc. Not saying that it’s a bad reason to like someone, but it’s not particularly meaningful either.

Anyway, this leads me to my main point. He Tian is used to that sort of shallow attention and plays along with it for his own reasons. He’s used to people nearly applauding him for whatever he does. He’s used to people wanting to be near him. If we think back to his childhood, we’ll see that instead of a mother he had been (apparently) surrounded by maids (?), who were hired to care for him (and that’s apparently why he’s so bad at house chores, haha). 

Case and point: he’s used to being in the center of attention and having people bend over to his whims.

And then… cue Mo Guan Shan, who gives zero fucks about He Tian. Who gives zero fucks about his popularity or his money, who has the balls to tell him to bugger off in the rudest ways possible. Momo doesn’t dance to his tune, and that’s something new to He Tian, something he hadn’t experienced before.

So… Momo comes off as belligerent, dirty-mouthed school bully who is contemptuous towards those rich and powerful (he has reasons for that, but still Momo’s view is tinted through his own childhood experiences). There’s raw honesty in Mo Guan Shan and that initially fascinates He Tian. Let’s admit it: He Tian comes off as being bored or somewhat indifferent towards life. The fact that there’s one person who doesn’t bow and kowtow before him is refreshing. That’s probably one of the reasons why He Tian hires Mo to cook and clean for him in the first place. He’s bored and Mo is the cure to his boredom. A cure that runs his mouth, threatens to knock his teeth out and outright calls him fake and dangerous, haha.

If I were to give a Tvtrope to this one, it would be “I love you because I can’t control you”. He Tian cannot approach MGS normally, like how he would have approached anyone else. Friendly attitude doesn’t work with him. Momo truly reminds me of a stray dog that is used to people treating it so badly that it would bite the hand that tried to pet it. There’s also a matter of MGS being very prideful. That raw honesty of his doesn’t fade away even when He Tian gives him beatings or pays him to do house chores. Sure, he takes the money but he never sugarcoats his attitude, never hides his distaste for He Tian and people like him. He makes it clear that he HATES every second of being near HT or in his apartment, yet he manages to put it aside when needed. 

Anyway, I digress. I believe that fascination on He Tian’s part had been rather instantaneous. It may have very well happened during the fight between XiXi and MGS. Momo has shown that he didn’t follow any rules, and literally had a savagely pragmatic side to him (when he used a stone to hit XiXi). That was probably the moment when HT’s curiosity was aroused. He’s not used to seeing people like that.

The kiss scene is also very telling. From the easiness with which He Tian invades personal bubbles of the others, we can surmise that he thinks it’s no big deal, and if it’s no big deal to him, he literally thinks it’s the same way for everyone else. As I mentioned before, he’s used to people being willing to “give in” to him, hence he seems to have a mindset that he can take whatever he wants (like a spoiled brat, haha) and that nobody ever would mind — precisely because they are willing to begin with. This fails with MGS. Not only he reacts violently, he begins crying. That’s absolutely not the kind of reaction He Tian was expecting; you can blatantly see it written all over his face. He even asks Momo if he finds HT disgusting. 

I believe that’s when He Tian actually felt a pang of guilt for his doings. The way Mo Guan Shan reacted is extremely human and understandable. Someone he DESPISED came up and forcefully pushed their tongue into his mouth, forced him into a kiss that is by all means just another taunt or a joke, not to mention that by the looks of it, it was his first kiss — something that in many cultures is considered to be nearly sacred. And He Tian probably for the first time in his life experienced a rejection. He wanted someone who didn’t want him, and there’s nothing his cool reputation or money could do about it. He also realized that he disgusted somebody — also something new to him. The novelty of it all, the unexpected guilt — these are the new feelings in his otherwise stale daily life. Mo Guan Shan made him experience something dramatically different.

Another point is that there are rather obvious parallels drawn between Momo and that puppy He Tian used to care for. He saved that puppy from a violent mountain torrent and nursed it back to health, just like he saved Mo from She Li and the angry mob later. He Tian’s failure to protect that puppy from “death” (like He Cheng made him believe) is one of the unresolved issues of his past, which he tries to rectify (or I should rather say, prevent from repeating itself) with Mo Guan Shan. Subconsciously he might be projecting that dog onto Mo Guan Shan, although he seems to be very much aware of his own associations, as he calls Momo his puppy.

During the time He Tian spends taunting and forcing Mo to do stuff, he learns things that make him admire Mo. Like Mo’s refusal to sugarcoat his attitude, the fact that he’s shouldering a heavy financial burden, that he’s actually extremely hardworking, that he has pride and doesn’t entertain shallow ideas of being someone’s monkey on a display even for a princely reward. He Tian discovers traits that he likes. He Tian discovers that under that hard-shell hides someone very honest and raw.

Lastly, if you think about it, Momo and He Tian are somewhat very similar: both of them have been marked by isolation. Mo has been ostracized because of his father’s imprisonment, and grew up being mistreated by likes of She Li and possibly looked down on due to his poverty. He’s withdrawn into a shell out of fear of being hurt, and he the way he views others is marked by suspicion and trust issues. He’s used to people acting nasty to him and, as sad as it sounds, to Mo this is a normal occurrence. What’s abnormal and suspicious is when somebody pulls a random act of kindness on him. And that’s what makes him think “why? what’s their agenda? what’s the catch?”. He Tian, on the other hand, is isolated because of his money and family influence. People who surround him are sycophants, those fangirls and fanboys, whereas in reality not only they don’t care for who he is, they probably wouldn’t even believe if he admitted to being a broken bird. Cause that’s unfathomable, right? Someone who has been born with a silver spoon in their mouth cannot be unhappy or hurting or alone. On top of that, he also has experienced his trust shattered, by his older brother, no less. He feels betrayed. He Tian is just as lonely — if not more — as Momo. So I guess that makes them — two coyotes from the same hill? Or how that Chinese “two peas in the pod/birds of a feather flock together” saying goes, haha. But even still, Momo has something that He Tian never had: someone to love and fight for (Mo’s mom), a home where he’s cherished. I think on subconscious level He Tian craves that, and Momo enables him to vicariously live that life he never had. Does it even make sense? xD

At which point He Tian’s playing around grew into something more serious? I think the kiss episode was akin to a bucket of cold water doused over He Tian’s head that made him reconsider some of his ways. What really triggered his desire to help MGS was probably the plot devised by She Li and the consequent fight. It may have made him suspect that MGS with his financial issues is far more vulnerable to shady vultures than he initially thought and that MGS is walking on an edge here. A little push to the wrong side and he would end up in deep shit. It’s after that fight that He Tian realizes how much Momo is shouldering by himself, and it’s then when we see him try helping him, like getting him a part-time job in that photography studio. Incidentally, it’s also when he’s started to find out Momo’s other sides. Like him being industrious, or unwilling to entertain an idle crowd of onlookers, etc.

Undoubtedly, He Tian’s feelings grew after the mob fight, where Momo got badly injured. We actually see him scared of losing MGS. Not to mention his consequent visit to his father — well they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s also clear to me that Momo’s display of care (during He Tian’s nightmare) had a big impact on HT. That’s when his violent tendencies of forcing Mo gradually fizzled out and became a lot more playful.

So all in all, He Tian probably started to gain feelings once he realized that Momo had his reasons to act like a delinquent, and that underneath it all there lay a person with integrity, who had been simply disenchanted by life and the circumstances that befell on his shoulders.

Whelp, that’s again a long-ass post. These are but my speculations and I don’t aspire for it to be 100% accurate, but I think I jammed in most of my ideas here.

[mysaldate]

On the topic of BSD mental issues..

Because a lot of people in this fandom just LOVE to bestow their own mental problems on characters and even go so far as to claim not a single BSD character is mentally alright, I went on a little rant to debunk this bulshit of a claim. If you’re one of those who support the “everyone is mentally ill because I said so” theory, don’t even bother reading this, please, and save us both the time.

If you do read, however, please keep in mind those are just my opinions and analysis and why I personally find the claim that everyone is mentally ill bulshit. You’re free to believe what you want but I’ve had multiple people come spurting out insults at me simply for not believing every single character is mentally diasbled.

First, our beloved ADA Atsushi - He's actually doing really well. Sure, he's not 100% ok but we were given no serious childhood trauma impacts (except for flashbacks that don't really... do anything to him mentally except for motivating him to do better which is, you know, not a sign of mental illness), he doesn't have self-destructive tendencies, he doesn't feel like he owes the society anything but he doesn't slip to nihilism either. His motivations are humane and sane and relatable. I mean, if anyone told you your friends would be in mortal danger if you stay with them, wouldn't you try to get away from them too? Dazai - Ok, Dazai is far from stable. He still handles his issues surprisingly well though and his constant suicide attempts are really played off as a joke, which is not the best way to handle them but it takes a lot of seriousness from it and kind of makes it hard to believe it's what he actually wants to do with his life. Especially since there are times where he goes out of his way to make sure he stays alive (Dead Apple being just one example). Kunikida - Arguably one of the most stable characters in the show. Some people claim he has OCD but have you ever seen an actual OCD patient? His love for schedules and hard time when they can't be kept is something that runs in my family and nobody has ever been diagnosed with OCD. People need to realize that having your life planned out is not a mental illness. Yosano - I'm a little more benevolent about Yosano, especially since she has a more psychotic side to her and she seems actually damaged by her childhood but I stiil stand my point that she is doing extremely well for someone who supposedly has a mental illness. It's almost as if the "insane" side of her was purposedly overblown for comedic purposes. Ranpo - I know a lot of people say he's autistic but I don't agree with that hc. Why? Well, I have a classmate who's not autistic and she's exactly like him. She's smart, almost genius, has great deduce skills and brilliant crime-solving abilities (tested multiple times with Black Stories or whatever that game is called in english) but she is unable to live on her own. She knows close to nothing about real life, skills used for everyday functioning and as for public transport, she only learnt how to use it recently and she's almost 19 years old. I also have an autistic friend who specifically said he'd find it insulting to hear that Ranpo is supposedly autistic. Tanizaki - I'm not sure what to say here, Tanizaki is a normal guy. Nothing special about him. He's willing to go great lengths for his little sister but I think anyone with younger siblings can relate to that. At least anyone who cares for their younger siblings. Kenji - Go on and tell me how Kenji of all people has a mental illness, I dare you. And if you pull out his cheeriness, you're obviously just too depressed to fathom that some people might actually enjoy life. Fukuzawa - Again, one of the most stable characters in the series. Say what you will but he's not unstable and his ability to stay calm at almost any situation except for when his kids are in danger is just further proof of this. Kyouka - I'd say she might have issues. My afforementioned autistic classmate pointed out that she feels autistic to him so there's that. Also her childhood visibly screwed her over. However, she's still surprisingly stable and normal despite all of that so while she might have some issues, they are greatly balanced by her strong will and natural personality. Naomi - I wouldn't say Naomi is 100% ok in the head but not to a point where I'd claim an actual mental illness. Sure, I'm not a doctor but nor is anyone who diagnoses her with whatever it is they diagnose her with. Haruno - And exactly what is wrong about Haruno? She's cute, positive, cheery, hard-working and supportive. And she gets scared in situations that invoke this. Literally NOTHING weird.

Next up is our dear Port Mafia Akutagawa - No denying it, Aku has serious issues. Again though, he's doing far better than most people with similar problems but that could just be due to him letting his frustrations out via murder. Chuuya - No issue found here. Sure, he's a little short-tempered but that's about it. A lot of people are short-tempered without being mentally ill. And he could be portrayed with some serious issues due to his origin and past. Gin - Do we even know enough about her to diagnoze her? All we know is that she's silent, a little shy and that she's always on odds with Tachihara. Make me a diagnosis from that. Higuchi - Aside from her massive crush on Aku, there's nothing weird about her. She probably picked the wrong job but she's willing to work hard anyway to earn her place there,, which is not exactly typical for people with mental illnesses. Hirotsu - STABLE PERSON. Just... what else is there to him? He is literally the voice of reason who commands the black lizard solely because he can actually keep them under control. Geez, there is literally nothing linking him to any mental problem! Kajii - This guy's got issues, no denying it. And I won't even say he could do worse because obviously he could but he's fairly close to being the insanest (is that a word?) he can get. Kouyou - Oh look, ANOTHER completely stable person. I mean, come on, she's been an executive since Dazai and Chuuya were 15, that's seven years. Clearly she couldn't hold her position if she weren't stable. Not to mention, we saw her being stable in stressing situations so. many. times. Elise - She's an ability. No comment. Mori - Yes, he has his issues. But he's the hypercompetent Mafia boss who stayed in charge for a very long time already and there's no sign of anyone overthrowing him any time soon, nor planning to because he's just a great leader, something he couldn't be if he was mentally ill. Oda - Do I even need to elaborate on this? Oda is very probably the sanest person we got, one who sees the wrongs of his past and does his best to overcome them and repent, all of which goes without him being depressed or self-loathing in the slightest. Randou - This has been talked about a lot. Randou is sensitive and impulsive and sometimes acts on emotions rather than rationallity. None of that makes him a mentally ill person. It just makes him a person, a human being we can all relate to. Ace - Ace is a selfish human being who thinks too highly of himself and is manipulative and abusive. Is that a problem? Yes, obviously. Is that a mental illness? Not necessarily and more likely no than yes. He does things for his personal gain and everything went his way for far too long for him to expect it to go any other way. And as we all know, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutelly. Q - Does anyone really think Q is sane?

Now for the group that so many people dislike it’s honestly sad, the Guild Francis - Francis is, first and foremost, a very loving husband and father. He goes on this insane mission to Japan to obtain a mystical object he believes is real but never got any deffinite proof of. Is he naive? Perhaps so. And after he loses, he gets depressed and broken because he finds out his wedding ring disappeared, probably because his wife did something. That breaks him. And honestly? He has every right to break down. It's understandable and human and it does not make him mentally ill. Louisa - While yes, she is very shy and some argue she has some sort of anxiety disorder, all of this can be explained by the fact that she's practically a child. She's 18 dammit. Who could leave their home country at 18 only with an organization of older people, who also all seem very sure of themselves, while having no combat ability and nothing to really bring to the table? If she were mentally weak, there's no way she'd go looking for Francis after his fall, it's actually more likely she'd hurry back home, probably with tears and fear of being arrested if she were to stay in Japan for longer. Margaret - Name me one thing that makes you think Margaret of all people would have a mental issue. One thing. Most of her screentime is her being a vegetable. And while that is certainly a health problem, not a mental health one. Nathaniel - Hey, he was completely ok before meeting Fyodor. Being religious is not a mental health problem and f you if you say otherwise. John - Again, nothing unstable about John. He's not even that selfish, doing what he can to support his family and even picking up the remainings of the Guild to keep the people together and give them new hope because, y'know, hope is very important to people. Lovecraft - He's not even human. You can't apply human mental health logic to him. Herman - We've seen him for how much... 2 minutes total? And even from just that, he seemed like a calm and composed guy. No sign of mental problems whatsoever. Mark - He's hyper, that's what people say at least. But is he really? Kind of hard to believe when all we've seen of him is two scenes of adrenalin rush, one scene where he tries to lift the spirits of his coworkers and one scene where he just decides to go back home because this adventure is obviously over. No sign of mental illness here either. Lucy - A little more visible traumatic impact than with Atsushi and some abandonment issues, which are completely understandable and relatable. Not necessarily a mental illness. Poe - Ok so Poe doesn't feel well in company of others and he is a little psychotic when he gets too into his self-assigned role but 1) introverts are not mentally ill and 2) it's completely natural to get carried away when we witness the person we believe wronged us getting some karma back.

The one group that appeared for such a short time, yet everyone seems to love them, the Rats Fyodor - The most obvious god complex, clearly. He's not sane but he's stable so there's that. Nobody says he's ok, he's clearly not. But he's composed and smart enough to not let his issues control him. Ivan - Part of his brain is literally gone. He's not ok. he can't be. And unless part of your brain is missing too, you physically can't relate to him. Pushkin - Actually a stable, understandable character. Weak men are known through all of history to be the causes of major drama simply because their complexes over being weak lead to them finding joy in torturing the strong. It's not a mental illness, it's just bad character. Oguri - Clearly, Ogugu has issues. Call it survivor's guilt or PTSD or whatever you want, he has issues. Nobody is denying that. Still, he's doing fairly well when not desperatelly trying to seem evil.

I do not feel like doing the Hunting Dogs for the sole reason of me not liking them enough to focus on their mental states but they are pretty much lab rats, artificially enhanced humans and that alone should be enough to explain why I don’t believe in applying normal psychology to them. As for the Decay of Angels, there’s still much more to learn about them so I won’t get into that just yet. And when it comes to the governmental agents, I haven’t read the novels so I only know a bit about Ango and I honestly don’t see how anyone could think Ango has a mental illness.

I repeat again, these are my opinions, based on my experiences and what I’ve studied about mental illnesses (because believe it or not, I study about these things quite a lot). It doesn’t fit except for Tumblr romanticised versions of them and even those are iffy. You’re free to agree and disagree with all of this or with just certain parts but please don’t feel required to share your thoughts, I frankly don’t much care.

With that I bid you goodbye, at least until another thing prompts me to make a long-ass analysis almost nobody will read, nor care for.

[horde-princess]

Catradora in “Promise”

This ep has so much going on, I wanted to work through it chronologically and try to peel back the layers of their relationship. What are Catra’s motivations? What drives her to turn on Adora and leave her for dead? This gets kinda intense sorry but I add fun pictures to make up for it :’)

So the first flashback shows us how Catra came to rely on Adora for friendship and protection. After they relive this memory together, Catra instinctively saves Adora’s life, and they joke around a little--the heartwarming memory having briefly resurrected their broken friendship.

But as the episode continues, the cracks in their relationship start to show--cracks so deep they were hidden from both of them until they grew older. Catra casually jokes that Adora never had much faith in her, and when Adora agrees, Catra says she doesn’t blame her. This little exchange says a lot about their dynamic, since Catra always had so much faith in Adora (even when Adora may not have earned it). What I believe they’re talking about here is how Catra didn’t really work hard as a cadet, or do anything that would show her strength of character and thus allow Adora to respect/trust her. Catra was simply never given the opportunity to prove herself in that regard.

Then, Catra asks about Adora’s childhood memories. “It wasn’t all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have some good memories, right?” Considering the awkward way she asks this, you can kind of translate her question to mean “so, exactly how easy was it for you, leaving me behind? Did all the years we spent together really mean so little to you?” 

In the next flashback, they’re older, and we see how Catra is struggling to hold back resentment towards Adora now. They are evenly matched fighters--actually, Catra might be better because she’s craftier than Adora--but somehow it’s always Adora who ends up getting all the praise... and Adora never noticed how unfair it was.

When we met Catra in the first episode, she came off as kind of lazy and rebellious, right? But in this episode it’s revealed that she only took on that persona when she realized she would always be seen as second best to Adora. She chose to protect her pride rather than put effort into something she would never get due credit for--from Adora, Shadow Weaver, or anyone else. 

Basically, she had three options: 1.) fight against Adora and risk their relationship; 2.) work hard, accept her place as second best, and let everyone view her as weak (including the girl whose respect she desperately craved); and 3.) pretend she just didn’t care about her work. The implication of option 3 is that she chose to prioritize her relationship with Adora over her ambitions. But as Catra eventually learns, suppressing who you are is not a reliable coping mechanism.

After this, back in the beacon cave, Catra is attacked by a giant spider robot. She defeats it herself then gets extremely offended when Adora jumps in to try to save her from it. So we’re seeing how Catra’s past memories with Adora are affecting her motivations in the present day. She wants her respect but she’s not getting it. Now she’s back to being angry with Adora, and Adora (as usual) doesn’t understand why.

And then we get to a really pivotal moment. Adora apologizes for leaving, admitting she never wanted to leave Catra--just the Evil Horde. Then she says, “you could come with me, you could join the Rebellion! I know you’re not a bad person, Catra.”

Catra doesn’t respond but her conflicting emotions are written all over her face. Catra is not a bad person. She isn’t doing evil things just for the sake of hurting people or gaining power over people, like Hordak. She wants power to protect herself. Her morality is gray.

Catra was raised in an abusive, evil environment, trained to believe that people only respect you when they fear you. People only love you when they fear you... Except for Adora. Adora’s unconditional love was the foundation on which Catra had built her life. Through all the abuse and misery, it’s what gave her hope that things would be better one day. It’s what she clung to for survival. 

When Adora abandoned her? That foundation of love and friendship crumbled to dust. Catra was forced to fall back on the only other method of self-preservation that she knew: power. Control. With Adora gone, she would do whatever she had to do in order to avoid ever becoming a victim again. 

So at this point we can start piecing together Catra’s motivations... she is being driven on one hand by her childhood trauma (which Adora played a part in), and on the other hand by Adora’s betrayal. Adora is clueless about it all, which I sort of get since Catra never confronted her about anything. I think Adora is only just beginning to understand the extent of the emotional trauma she unintentionally inflicted on Catra, and there’s a lot of growth that needs to happen there before Catra will be willing to extend forgiveness. But I do think reconciliation is possible, and Catra’s reaction here when Adora says she’s not a bad person gives me hope that she can still be redeemed.

Moving on, there’s a flashback where we learn about Shadow Weaver’s abuse, and it sparks an argument where Catra yells at Adora for not protecting her “in any that would put [her] on Shadow Weaver’s bad side.” I won’t go into this since there are other posts analyzing it, but clearly Adora had broken her promise to Catra continually throughout their childhood without really realizing it. Anyway, then Adora asks why Catra won’t just leave with her and join the Rebellion, and Catra reveals it’s because she’s tired of living under Adora’s shadow.

Ok. Imma get deep for a second. So we’ve established that Catra hates feeling like she’s second best to Adora, and that’s what she thinks would happen if she joined her team. Strangely enough, in addition to Catra’s pride and ambition, my theory is that there may be a romantic element to this as well. Catra doesn’t want to be Adora’s sidekick, but... I don’t think her goal is to be better than Adora, either. I think what she wants more than anything is for Adora to see her as an equal. (Not once in the show does Catra say that she wants to be stronger than Adora. instead she says things like “I’m stronger than anyone ever thought” and that she wants Adora to feel weak. That’s a lot different than comparing their strength.)

Remember in the second episode, Catra tells her “it doesn’t matter what they do. The two of us look out for each other. And soon, we’ll be the ones calling the shots.” Catra was dreaming of the day when she and Adora would rule together, side by side. No more fighting for Hordak’s approval, no more relying on her protection. No more golden child vs. reject, but partners. Just the two of them at the top of the world. Maybe then, Catra would finally feel worthy of accepting Adora’s love. But how can they ever be equals, especially now that Adora is an 8 ft tall magical hero?... Well, they can’t be.

At least, not as long as they’re fighting on the same side. 

It’s only on the battlefield where they can be seen as equally powerful, equally respected... by their kingdoms, and, most importantly, by each other. It makes sense in a twisted way. After all, there’s a thin line between love and hate.

So I believe this is part of the reason she refuses to join Adora’s side of the war. Catra thinks she needs to win Adora’s respect in order to balance out their relationship. Even if achieving this goal costs one of their lives. That sounds horrible but, as I wrote earlier, Catra’s faith in love was shattered by Adora’s betrayal, and now Catra is utilizing her abusers’ teachings that people only “love” you if they fear you. 

[whew.........congrats if you’re still reading this lmao we’re nearing the end finally]

The last thing I’ll go over is the “promise” itself. Little Adora says the lines that Catra repeated wayyy back in the 2nd episode: “It doesn’t matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.”

In what is possibly the most SOUL CRUSHING MOMENT IN TV HISTORY.... the girls walk off hand-in-hand, except little Catra turns back to look at her future self. and if I had to guess what was going through her mind it was probably something like, “I wish I could warn you, Catra... she’s going to break her promise. And your heart.”

Wow. This episode is an emotional journey. It shows that it wasn’t just one act of betrayal that turned her into a villain, but it was all the years of Adora unintentionally putting her down, despite promising to protect her. Catra sacrificed so much for their relationship, and in reliving this memory she realizes that she mistakenly placed all the faith she had in a girl who would one day throw it away like it meant nothing. 

So, it’s with this swirling mix of emotions that Catra, for the second time this episode, finds herself with the choice of saving Adora’s life or letting her fall. 

And now that she has had some time to reflect on it... well. What had valuing friendship ever done for Catra in the past?

edit: i’m in love with Adora, I just criticize her a lot in this post bc I was thinking from Catra’s perspective. I think Adora only had the best of intentions, but she was abused herself, and she certainly suffered under the burden of being Catra’s protector. Catra may have wanted her to rebel against Shadow Weaver w/ her when they were kids, but if she had done that then they both would’ve been screwed, and that’s something Catra doesn’t want to accept. Instead she wants to fixate jealously on the way Adora benefited from the special treatment. There is probably some truth to her accusation that Adora loved being the favorite (because, who wouldn’t?)--but that doesn’t change the fact that everything, everything Adora did was to keep Catra safe. Unfortunately, this arrangement still caused an inevitable status disparity, with Adora looking down on Catra and Catra stuck gazing up at her. god this ship is so tragic i love it ajsldjfl

[changeling-fae]

I didn’t get any asks but I really wanted to do this so here we go!

1. What’s their name? Is there a reason why they were named that?

Maris (mah-riss) is Melody and Talbott’s son and Lorelei (lora-lie) is their daughter. Since Melody’s line has merfolk in it, it was important to keep the sea ties to their lineage.

2. Who are their parents? What’s their relationship with them?

Melody Prince and Talbott Winger are their parents and they have a very close relationship. This is definitely due to Melody and Talbott’s family trauma and their desire to make sure their kids didn’t endure what they endured.

3. Which relative do they resemble the most? Why?

Maris is not only the son of Talbott but is also the son of a Prince and all the Prince men are reserved and aloof.

That being said he is more... mischievous? He’s too smart for his own good and thanks to being a legilimens he knows a lot of secrets. I’d say he’s a good blend of both parents.

Lorelei is also a good blend but her aloofness is more whimsical than serious. She’s also a legilimens but doesn’t use secrets as a weapon like her brother. She’s a poet like her father and writes her own songs.

4. How much did MC influence their growth?

Quite a bit, she grew up feeling abandoned by her family and never wanted her children to feel that. She and Talbott make sure that their kids know that they’re loved.

5. How much did Jacob influenced their growth?

Assuming he survives the game, he doesn’t have too much influence. He and Melody’s relationship was never able to fully heal.

He’s of course welcome to the family and he does visit occasionally but he felt guilt for what he put his sister through and thought he didn’t deserve his place in her life.

6. Describe their wand.

Maris’ wand is 11in Elm wood with a scale from his great-grandmother’s tail.

“The unfounded belief that only pure-bloods can produce magic from elm wands was undoubtedly started by some elm wand owner seeking to prove his own blood credentials, for I have known perfect matches of elm wands who are Muggle-borns. The truth is that elm wands prefer owners with presence, magical dexterity and a certain native dignity. Of all wand woods, elm, in my experience, produces the fewest accidents, the least foolish errors, and the most elegant charms and spells; these are sophisticated wands, capable of highly advanced magic in the right hands (which, again, makes it highly desirable to those who espouse the pure-blood philosophy).”

Lorelei’s wand is 12in Beech wood also with a scale from her great-grandmother.

“The true match for a beech wand will be, if young, wise beyond his or her years, and if full-grown, rich in understanding and experience. Beech wands perform very weakly for the narrow-minded and intolerant. Such wizards and witches, having obtained a beech wand without having been suitably matched (yet coveting this most desirable, richly hued and highly prized wand wood), have often presented themselves at the homes of learned wandmakers such as myself, demanding to know the reason for their handsome wand’s lack of power. When properly matched, the beech wand is capable of a subtlety and artistry rarely seen in any other wood, hence its lustrous reputation.”

7. Do they have any pets? If not, how do they feel towards animals in general?

Basically just as many pets that Melody had growing up. They’re animagi like their parents and are good with animals, especially aquatic ones and birds.

8. How much of the Magical World have they already experienced before they started attending Hogwarts?

They were born into it, with Melody being a healer for St Mungo’s (and later Hogwarts) and Talbott being an Auror. They grew up in Melody’s childhood home which is tied to a magical reserve for aquatic magical creatures.

9. Do they have any muggle based interests?

Maris finds psychology and science fascinating. He can often be found reading muggle doctors textbooks. He’s also a big fan of HP Lovecraft, mostly because he finds the concept of muggles finding fish people horrifying hilarious.

Lorelei loves muggle music and has gone to quite a few concerts. People might be surprised to find that her favorite is heavy metal.

10. In which house were they sorted? How much do they fit the Sorting Hat choice?

Maris gets sorted into Slytherin like his mother and definitely fits his house. He’s cunning, ambitious, and very resourceful. He’s also John Oliver level of trolling ability.

Lorelei was sorted into Ravenclaw like her father and she also very much fits her house, especially the creative and independent part. She’s very open minded like her mother too (who had been a hatstall with Ravenclaw).

11. Which is the general opinion about them?

Maris is a sparkly, hot (heart of gold) asshole and Lorelei is a mysterious, whimsical space cadet.

Maris is following his uncles footsteps in having a bit of a fan club. The only difference is he’s more into it and will absolutely use it to his advantage.

Lorelei is the only one who can easily knock him off his pedestal when she feels his head is getting too big.

Lorelei is incredibly intelligent like her family but she’s such a daydreamer that upon first meetings, many people think she’s just an airhead.

12. What do the professors and the other people working at the school think about them?

Kind of a combination “oh no” and “huh, they’re not too bad”.

Maris and Lorelei are good students even with their quirks and they will never be as bad as Melody in breaking the rules.

13. Is there a professor they highly respect? Is there instead a professor they can’t stand at all?

Flitwick is a favorite to both kids and they respect McGonagall as Headmistress.

(If Snape were alive they’d like him to, especially Lorelei).

There isn’t really a professor they dislike but Maris likes messing with Trelawney because he finds it fun, especially being a legilimens.

14. Talk about their favorite subjects.

Maris loves DADA, herbology, and flying the most. He’s also really into arithmancy and astronomy.

Lorelei loves potions, charms, and divination. She’s good at transfiguration too.

15. Talk about their least favorite subjects.

For Maris, HoM, he just gets so bored and isn’t really a history fan.

For Lorelei, DADA, she’s just not an aggressive person by nature and is more passive in how she views the world.

16. Do they possess a broom? If not, do they have another devices that allows them to fly?

They do but they prefer to fly in their animagi forms. Maris is a belted kingfisher and Lorelei is a diving petrel.

17. What do they think about Quidditch? Are they part of the Quidditch team? If yes, in which role do they play?

Maris actually becomes seeker for Slytherin and quite good at it but he’s weirdly enough not really a fan at watching other teams. He just likes the thrill and competition but only when he’s involved.

Lorelei doesn’t care about Quidditch at all but she does watch on the days her brother plays.

18. Do they attend other club activities at school?

Maris becomes a Prefect and is the leader of the Gobstones club. He’s just as bad as his mom in leaving no survivors in the game.

Lorelei is part of the Frog Choir and is also a member of the potions club.

19. Have they developed any peculiar skill, magical or not?

Both are legilimens like their mother and animagi like their parents.

Maris is good at strategy games and enjoys muggle poker.

Lorelei is good with her hands and is actually a pretty good masseuse.

20. List five things they like.

For Maris; Intellectual stimulus, trolling people, swimming, fishing, and flying.

For Lorelei; Singing, song writing/poetry, swimming, making wind chimes, muggle aquariums.

21. List five things they dislike.

For Maris; Ignorance, blood purists, incompetency, boredom, hypocrites.

For Lorelei; Close mindedness, cruelty, assumptions, blood purists, dishonesty.

22. Have they any interest in dating? Have they a crush on someone? How do you think this someone feel about them?

Maris is a serial flirt and Lorelei believes things will happen when they happen. Haven’t thought further than that.

23. Are they able to cast a Patronus? If yes, what animal does it represent?

Yep, Maris patronus is the same as his animagus form as a kingfisher (so his form and patronus match just like his father).

Lorelei’s patronus is a moon jellyfish (so differs just like her mother).

24. What’s their greatest fear? How does it translate into their boggart?

Probably losing their parents or each other, they have a very happy childhood and would be devastated if something suddenly happened.

Boggart would be a dead loved one.

25. What’s their greatest weakness? How do they deal with it?

For Maris, probably hubris. He’s very proud of his skills and actually does work hard to maintain them so if he suddenly couldn’t succeed at something he put effort into, it would damage his esteem.

He’d turn to his mother for advice after a lot of angst because he knows that he got his overachiever attitude from her.

Lorelei’s weakness is probably passivity, as in she’s not really proactive. She’s fine with things just happening to her instead of seeking it out.

It’s mostly her brother who gets her to be more proactive, usually through brotherly teasing.

26. Is there an objective they’re trying to accomplish?

For Maris, be the top of his class and for Lorelei just graduate.

27. How do they change throughout their school years?

Maris becomes more cocky midway through but he settles down by graduation.

Lorelei becomes less dependent on her family and more comfortable with her place in the world.

28. Talk about their relationship with the other Fankids.

If anyone wants to their fankids to be friends with mine, please let me know because that would be awesome! (please)

29. Are they the “bully”, the “victim” or the “hero” of the situation?

Maris isn’t a bully per se, he’s not cruel, he just likes to tease people, but he does troll people he thinks deserves it (like bigots).

Lorelei is very accepting of people no matter their quirks so if someone needs help she’s good at making people feel good.

30. Use a meme to describe them.

Maris

Lorelei

[curewhimsy]

Bianca character development

Questionnaire by @thecaffeinebookwarrior

1.  Ask yourself these basic questions:

How old are they mentally/spiritually?  Do they have an old soul, or are they a perpetual kid at heart?  Does their personality not coincide with their physical age?

Bianca is both an old soul and a perpetual child at heart. She’s a bit like a sweet old grandma, but she is youthful and has a whimsical imagination like a child.

What do they care about most in the world?  What would they die for?

Bianca really cares for the world to be at peace and for nobody to have to live through war and trauma anymore. She probably would die to save the world. Bianca is selfless to a fault, but she constantly feels selfish because she wants it to be herself that makes a difference and not anyone else. 

What are their interests?  What books, movies, and shows do they read/watch religiously?  What do they geek out over?

Bianca really loves old fantasy stories and fairy tales. She loves things like Alice in Wonderland or The Wizard of Oz, where a normal person like her enters a magical world. Little did Bianca know, it would happen to her in a way she never imagined. Bianca probably really likes My Little Pony. 

What’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to them?  Have they told anyone?  If so, who?

Many embarrassing things have happened to Bianca. (Embarrassing by her standards). The early Whimsica Saga chapters are filled with embarrassing moments for Bianca. She would tell people she trusts, like her friends and family.

On that note, what is one secret they’ve never told anyone?

Bianca has never told anyone that she sort of has a crush on Paprika.

What was their childhood like?  Was it happy?  Tragic?  Why or why not?

Oh boy. *cracks knuckles*

Time for a novel.

Bianca’s grandmother, Blanca Luna (With an L), was a magical girl. As a child, Bianca’s grandmother was very shy and lonely, much like her granddaughter would be before her adventure starts. She was born and raised in Argentina.

Bianca’s grandmother had an imaginary friend, Isabel, and an imaginary world she created in her head. Due to the magic power (”erratic magic”) that she didn’t know she had, the world was actually coming to life somewhere in the universe.

When Bianca’s grandmother was 16, she found herself in a magical world, the world of Whimsica. She then discovers that this world had been created with a bit of her own magic, along with the imagination of people on Earth. This is her world!

(Explaining exactly how she “created” it with magic would take a long explanation of erratic magic. It’s a very hard to control, potentially dangerous form of reality-warping magic, and is considered a glitch rather than a power. It manifests itself in strange ways.)

Bianca’s grandmother had a stuffed cat named Mittens that came to life. Eventually, Mittens dies. Bianca buys another stuffed cat named Snowbell to replace Mittens, but it isn’t the same. (This becomes important later.)

Bianca’s grandmother began to raise a child named Blanche, who will become Bianca’s mother. Then they left because Whimsica was becoming too dangerous due to a war with Planet Monochrome, the planet of negativity. Since Whimsica’s creator abandoned it, things started to fall apart further...

Back on Earth, Bianca’s grandmother moves to America to raise her daughter.

Bianca’s grandmother had Blanche’s memory of Whimsica erased to keep Whimsica a secret from everyone to protect any Earth people from having to go there to fight Planet Monochrome.

Bianca’s grandmother died of an illness rather suddenly when she was in her 60′s, when Bianca was a little girl. The death traumatized Bianca and affected her greatly.

Bianca lived her life up until 16 years without knowing anything of her magical ancestry, but always had a feeling that her grandmother was magical. Before she died, Bianca’s grandmother gifted Bianca with a plush kitten named Snowbell, who eventually comes to life as Bianca’s companion.

But when Bianca turned 16, on a particularly bad day, her erratic magic leads her to Whimsica... and her adventure begins.

Eventually she finds that this is the world her grandmother created, and has a heartfelt moment with her as an angel, and she becomes a new “owner” of the land, (even though it didn’t really give her any more power or privileges.)

Eventually, Bianca’s mother gets dragged in, and her erased memories of Whimsica come back upon seeing the land.

Bianca is destined to go through a lot of growth and to ultimately become a hero of Whimsica.

How many relationships do they have?  How have they affected them?

Bianca meets several friends in Whimsica, her best friend being another girl from Earth named Camille who also ends up in Whimsica. Bianca has admired Camille for years and yearned to be her friend.

Bianca’s friendships affect her in a positive way, making her become more confident and feel less alone. They have made her stronger.

What is their greatest fear?  

Bianca’s greatest fear and concern is for everything she does to be pointless. She’s afraid that somehow, her dreams for leaving a good mark on the world are ultimately pointless and will never happen.

What was the best thing that ever happened to them?

Discovering Whimsica, that her grandmother was still alive in the land itself, and becoming a hero...

What was the worst thing that ever happened to them?

Her grandmother’s death probably.

If you had to describe the character in one word, what is the first that comes to mind?

Angelic...

2.  Once that’s done, get nosy.

Empty their pockets, backpack, or purse.  Make a list of everything inside.  What do they always take with them?  Why?

Her stuffed cat Snowbell, a fiction book or two, a pencil, a handkerchief, some hair ribbons.

Describe their bedroom.  Is it neat, or messy?  Is it minimalist?  Cluttered?  Are they neat, or messy by nature?  Is there any artwork on the wall, any posters?  Are there lots of books?  A TV?  Stuffed animals?  Be as detailed as you want to be, and think about why your character has these things and what they say about them.

  Bianca’s bedroom is very quaint, cozy, and soft. There is a very soft lavender carpet, some cute rugs, a lot of stuffed animals, and just soft things in general. There is a bookshelf, a closet, a few dressers, a laptop. Her bed is never made and is filled with cushions and stuffed animals.

If they have one, describe their car.  What kind of car do they drive?  How does it correlate with their personality, their career?  Do they keep any photos of loved ones?  Are there lots of fast food containers?

Bianca would have a rather modest car probably, most likely white or silver. She probably decorates the interior too, but not the exterior because she is shy. There’s probably a lavender or vanilla scent, and very soft cushioned seats.

We’ve already touched on this briefly, but think about their books.  Write down at least ten titles on their shelf.  Think about what genres they like, what authors, and why they might enjoy them.

Bianca loves fiction, especially fantasy. On her shelf could be many books intended for a younger audience, but rewritten with a twist perhaps? Also, the classics. Peter Pan, Pinocchio, The Jungle Book, The Snow Queen, many books about adventure, fairies, castles, or all three...

What kind of movie genres do they like?  What kind of TV shows?  Why do they enjoy them?  Do they have any guilty pleasures that they’d rather anyone not know about?  

Bianca probably likes a lot of Disney movies and cartoons, and kids shows like My Little Pony or Adventure Time?

Bianca’s guilty pleasures are either sappy romantic things. Or maybe a movie with a cool, sexy, heroine. For reasons.

Bianca does not like violent movies.

Take a look inside their closet.  What kind of clothes do they wear?  What’s their style?  Can they afford the clothes they’d actually like to wear?  Are they preppy?  Is their closet organized, or is it a hot mess?

Inside the closet, is Bianca. She’s a closet bisexual.

Okay, now let’s be serious.

She has a lot of modest clothes, nothing really flashy. And again, they’re soft. And warm. Their closet is kind of messy but in an organized way. She has a lot of T-shirts, hoodies, and jeans. Dresses and skirts are what she’d like to wear, but feels shy about expressing herself.

3.  Get to know the family.

What are their parents like?  Do they have a good relationship?  Are they friends?  Do they just plain suck?  If so, why?

Bianca had always felt a little bit distant with her mother, Blanche. Blanche is a caring mother but she is a single mother who works two jobs, and she and Bianca don’t see each other much. She has an erased memory of Whimsica, but remembers only bits and pieces, never the whole thing. When her mother (who is also Bianca’s grandmother) died, Blanche also took it very hard.

If they don’t have a good relationship with their parents, are there any parental figures that their close with?  What are they like?

Bianca does not have any siblings, but have always wanted a sister.

Do they have any siblings?  Are they close?  Are they protective of them, or vice versa?

Bianca does not have siblings, but if she did she would be very protective of them.

What is their nationality?  Do they have strong ties to their heritage, or could they care less?

Bianca is a mixed Latina-American. Her grandmother was from Argentina and she married a Mexican man. Bianca’s father is Brazilian. Therefore she is a quarter Argentine, a quarter Mexican, and half Brazilian.

Bianca is albino, so at times she doesn’t feel she belongs with her heritage, even though she is proud of it.

What about their extended family?  Do they have any weird relatives?  (In my opinion, every character should have at least one weird relative.  They are a lot of fun to write.) 

Bianca’s family is rather small and her parents are divorced, so maybe her father married another woman and had more children? I may reveal a younger half brother or sister. Or maybe Bianca has some cousins.

4.   Fill in the details.

Brainstorm random questions about your characters, their likes, dislikes, et cetera.  Here are examples:

What is their favorite food?  

Bianca’s favorite foods are mostly sweets. She loves flan and cheesecake. Her favorite non-sweet food is mushroom alfredo.

Their favorite beverage?  

Grape soda.

Their favorite movie?

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

Their favorite book?

Harry Potter series probably, or a certain rendition of Alice in Wonderland

Their favorite TV show?

Sailor Moon and My Little Pony.

What is their dream job?

Probably something having to do with art, writing, books, or animals.

Do they keep a journal?

She did when she was younger.

Do they have good handwriting, or is it illegible from excessive note-taking?  

It’s really messy handwriting, but it also sort of flows like cursive. Pretty, yet illegible.

What’s their favorite color?  

White, light blue, light yellow, and coffee brown.

What’’s their favorite kind of weather?  Do they like sunny days, or rainy ones?

Bianca likes rainy days because they comfort her and makes her feel cozy. She feels bad weather brings people together.

Can they draw?  Are they artistic in general?

Bianca is quite imaginative and creative, but her drawings are a little messy. If she really tries, she may draw something out of this world...

What kind of romantic/sexual partner do they like (if they’re interested in that sort of thing at all)?  Do they have a ‘type?’    

Bianca’s type is someone who makes up for her weaknesses when she’s with them, someone she can chat pleasantly with.

What would their ideal date be (even just with friends)?  Do they like generic dinner and movie-type stuff, or do they favor museums and plays? 

Bianca would love anything where she could just be with that person. Anywhere is fine for her, but she does prefer places she can get to know them better.

What would their ideal afternoon look like?

Relaxing with a few friends.

Do they prefer TV or books?

Books for the most part. Also comics.

Are they introverted or extroverted?  Do they hate social gatherings, or thrive on them?  Do they relish in alone time?

Bianca is an introvert, but sometimes can be extroverted as she loves spending time with a few close friends.

Coffee or tea?

Coffee. She takes it with tons of cream and tons of sugar.

Cats or dogs?

Both, but she prefers cats.

Do they eat breakfast?  If so, what?

Bianca loves omelettes, especially with rice in it. Muffins and pastries are also good.

What’s their opinion on pineapple pizza?

It’s cursed, because would you put cherries on lasagna or peaches on chicken?

[elegantmess-southernbelle]

Anne with an E: PTSD and YA fiction

This is the age of the Adaptation. The Epoch of the Update.

From movies that resurrect and rework our childhood superheroes, to YouTube channels that modernize our favorite classic novels, we live in an age where the old is being plucked out of the attics of dull documentaries and stodgy classrooms and polished into near-hipster-ish coolness and glamour. Some of my fellow classics fans are appalled. I, however, have fallen in love with shows like Elementary, the Autobiography of Jane Eyre, and now, CBC’s Anne.

Here in the US, the show is “Anne with An E” and premiered only about a week before this posting on Netflix. It’s a short watch so far, 7 episodes, about an hour long, starring Irish-Canadian actress Amybeth McNulty as the plucky, ginger heroine steadily blooming from awkward adolescence to (hopefully, unless the show gets cancelled) wise womanhood. It’s already stirred up some controversy, namely from magazines like Vox, America-The Jesuit Review, and the Federalist, stemming from the distinctly 21st century attitudes of the writing. Many journalists seem horrified by the frank discussions of such troubles as child abuse, bullying and even puberty and sexuality. Accusations have been levied of trying too hard to update a charming and upbeat YA novel from another century.

But, maybe, it’s time for that.

First, let’s talk about the source material.

Published in 1908, Anne of Green Gables was written by Canadian author Lucy Maud Montgomery. It’s a largely optimistic tale of an orphan, Anne Shirley, who has been bounced back and forth between orphanage and unsuitable foster home for much of her life. Due to a miscommunication worthy of Oscar Wilde, she’s delivered to the aging Cuthbert Siblings, gentle Matthew and stern Marilla, who had requested a boy to help with farm work. Despite such a rocky start, the dreamy eyed Anne wins them over and comes to stay. The rest of the book and indeed five other novels focus on her upbringing and eventual marriage and life as a wife and mother. Much humor and wisdom is derived from her clumsiness, her fanciful imagination and her streak of common sense and courage. She isn’t afraid to be smart, or to daydream and become swept away by fantasies, which gets her into a fair amount of scrapes. She’s a reader. She’s kind. She’s good with kids. And, tellingly, she’s one of the earliest examples of the frequently problematic but oft-loved trope, the Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

Like a Zooey Deschanel role or a Woody Allen heroine, Anne blows into the Cuthberts’ lives like a gale and shakes up their stoic and gloomy existence. She drives Marilla to distraction with her endless chatter and her wild stories, but utterly charms Matthew and nearly everyone else she meets. She even, briefly, has the dyed hair, albeit by accident. This being a time when hair dye was more likely to be sold by peddlers of varying scruples, her dreams of having elegant black hair are dashed when her red hair goes green and must be cropped off to save her reputation. The days of oil slicks and mermaid rainbows might have been a godsend to her, but we would never have gotten one of the best role models for redheads in YA fiction.

But, there has always been an unspoken undercurrent to the story, one that needs to be told. We live in an age where mental illness is no longer a taboo we can lock in the attic or attribute to mere playful notions of romance. It’s mentioned from time to time, that Anne was never more than a servant to the families that took her in. The Cuthberts are the first people to show her affection or kindness. True, she seems to only think of pretty frocks now that she isn’t in hand-me-downs or having a more romantic name than Anne (Cordelia is a reoccurring name, one that appropriately means “heart of a lion”). But, what kind of trauma must come from never having any family except one that uses you as free labor? It’s not uncommon, even in today’s world, where we supposedly have laws that keep us from making the young work when they could be studying. Of all the adaptations of the Anne books, including the scrumptious and beloved 1985 TV Movie starring Megan Follows, this is the first one to really have any eye on Anne’s mental health.

For starters, there are flashbacks to Anne’s days with the Hammonds. Mr. Hammond is an alcoholic, who abuses his wife and probably the rest of the family. Mrs. Hammond is an overworked mother of eight, who takes her frustrations out on Anne. Anne, for her part, is beaten, forced to cook and clean and tend to babies, until the death of Mr. Hammond, when she is unceremoniously shipped back to the orphanage. After all, as Mrs. Hammond coldly points out, she’s “not kin” and the family is moving in with other relatives. There’s hints that this isn’t the first time Anne’s been rejected either. Orphanages in those days were little better than a storage facility for unwanted children, with little quality of life or education. Anne’s first day of school is miserable, as she’s woefully behind in some subjects.

Her arrival at Green Gables begins with her meeting with Matthew. True to the novel, she talks a steady stream of heartfelt poetry, renaming the landscape with epithets that wouldn’t be out-of-place in a fairy tale. Matthew is utterly enchanted by her, which makes Marilla’s cold, shocked and horrified reception that much harder on her. Marilla points out that they wanted a boy, not a girl. Anne is so devastated, she falls to her knees. I can’t say I blame her. It’s not presented as the melodramatic act that the novel shows. It’s genuine defeat and misery that she can’t just bottle up. There’s a hint that she believed this was going to be the forever home she always wanted.

You see, this show is written with a clear eye for the effects of PTSD. Anne has never been shown any love. Her whole life, she’s been bullied, whether for her creative mind or simply because she was there and made a “good target”. Anne knows what love looks like, because it’s the opposite of everything she’s ever experienced. When Marilla, spurred on by the suspicions and gossip of others believes Anne to have stolen a treasured brooch, Anne lies just to be allowed to stay, only to be nearly shipped back to the orphanage. Even after Marilla accepts the truth and the Cuthberts welcome her and, symbolically, all her odd little ideas and ideals, she is so painfully eager to please that she often comes out clear on the other side. Her desperation to befriend the school bully starts a scandal when she lets it slip that she knows a bit about sex after overhearing the Hammonds. No-one apart from Matthew and Marilla seem to care that it isn’t her fault. She’s only seen as a bad influence and banished for a time from the company of other girls. If not for her bravery, quick thinking, and insatiable literacy during a fire, she might have been alone for good.

It’s also the catalyst for one of the most iconic scenes in the novel, as it translates on screen. In the novel, classmate Gilbert Blythe tugs Anne’s hair and calls her Carrots. In a fit of temper, Anne shouts him down and cracks him over the head with her slate. In this adaptation, the reasoning is expanded. Ruby, one of the other girls in class, has a huge crush on Gilbert. By their social laws, that means he’s Ruby’s and no other girl can associate with him, lest it be seen as flirting. Anne immediately decides that this means she can’t talk to him at all. However, Gilbert finds Anne too intriguing to leave alone. He fights for her attention and her reaction is less one of hate for drawing attention to her appearance and more one of fear. She doesn’t want to be shunned again, so she lashes out in alarm. It’s an act that some with PTSD might recognize, the act of overcompensating in stressful moments.

There are other changes made, characters, personalities, plot points, but the main change is the darkness of the story. This is the world according to Anne. It’s frequently terrifying, ugly and often cruel, but there is love and hope. Each episode, we can see a bit of the healing in Anne’s heart. Every kindred spirit she finds, every triumph, and every lesson fills in the cracks, taking her from a half-wild and extremely broken girl, to one who can stand on her own two feet. Her eccentricities aren’t idleness and flightiness as the early 20th century saw them, but coping mechanisms that protected her from collapsing. Her reflection in the mirror is her dearest confidante. She names and speaks to animals and trees. Frequently, she chooses to be another person in a fairy tale of her own making, the wise and beautiful Princess Cordelia. When she can’t have the beautiful gowns and hats she’s longed for, she picks wildflower crowns and drapes herself in a lace bedspread. These aren’t perfect, but, as anyone with a mental illness will tell you, coping methods rarely make sense to anyone else and are frequently inconvenient.

My point is this: Anne with An E is the kind of show that a lot of young people need these days. The times are such that we can’t lock mental illness up in an attic or dress it up and call it whimsy. We live in an age where we know more about the human mind and how to treat it, but we still have so much social stigma to break. So, maybe, with this interpretation of Anne– not a rewrite, but a retelling– we can show that this has always been here and that none of it makes the sufferer any less amazing or lovable. It’s a needful message for Millennials and Gen Y’s. “You can be loved, no matter where you wear your scars.” Anne is, as the theme song states, “ahead by a century” and maybe, secretly, she always was.

[faithandfairies]

Engagement/Mariage CS et new RB+Regina cette année bye bye SQ lol lol lol

You know, this has been sitting in my inbox for a while and originally I wasn’t going to reply, but I realize I do have something to say.

When it comes right down to all these different ships, personally I don’t care. As in I wouldn’t date any of these characters myself.

Fair warning, I’m about to tell it like it is, so if you don’t want to read it, don’t.

Let’s be honest here.

Robin

Robin is a thief who was still in love with his wife 30 years after her death. It’s never a good idea to start something with someone who is (still) in love with someone else. It just never works out right. Not to mention that he had no qualms cheating on whom he thought was his wife, because he was “in wove” with someone else. Not enough to leave his wife before he chose to sleep with this person though. 

He also had no trouble pushing, talking this other woman he was trying to cheat with into helping him cheat. After she had already said no. All while spewing crap about what an honorable man with an honorable code he was, as if it was her fault that he’d decided he wanted to sleep with her. And it visibly pained him. Ugh. I hate cheating. I just do. It’s evidence of a complete lack of respect for both the woman you’re cheating on and the woman you’re cheating with. And mutual respect is fundamentally important for a relationship, any relationship, to work. I also hate being made to feel guilty for things that aren’t my fault. Two of my four main pet peeves when it comes to relationships. Checked by Robin.

He also didn’t trust Regina’s judgment much at all, wanting to go against her time and again in matters she was the literal trained expert in and he knew next to nothing about. Like say, magic. Wanting to join her during the Curse of Shattered Sight, even though she told him he shouldn’t be anywhere near her. Calling her crazy and jealous when she talked about how he was tricked into believing his wife was back through a magical glamour. This checks the third pet peeve of mine when it comes to relationships. Not feeling heard or listened to.

Rumple

Rumple is a coward who sought out dark magic to make him feel strong and in control of everything and everyone. He then proceeded to use his Dark One status as an excuse to commit the worst atrocities known to man. Also killing for sport, taking from the poor and downtrodden and the rich alike to serve his own purpose. Essentially becoming addicted to the power and not wanting it any other way. 

His only saving grace is that at least his original reason for taking on the darkness was noble. Protecting his son and all the children like him from having to fight in the war. A son he of course ended up abandoning in favor of the dark power originally meant to save him. Breaking the one deal that really mattered. And then proceeding to punish everyone else for his own cowardice, that the power didn’t lessen, just covered up. He was the catalyst for a decades long punishment placed on an entire population, starting with Regina.

On top of that, Rumple also happens to be a master manipulator. He could talk you into suicide if he so pleased. And make you think it was your idea while you were at it. Going so far as to create circumstances in which you’d want to kill yourself, even if your life before his appearance in it was sunshine and roses. That’s how good he is. He’s also physically abusive and possessive. Throwing things when angry with Belle, scaring her. Limiting her in her movements in more than one way in more than one realm. From literally locking her in his dungeon in the Enchanted Forest, to trapping her on Hook’s boat and wearing a bracelet for her, both in Storybrooke, that allowed him to track her at all times. The last of which he also did to the Evil Queen, mind you. So he could find her whenever killing her suited him. 

I mean, is this show even real?! How is a man like this even considered a true love for anyone, let alone the cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure, that Belle is? 

[Okay, Kim, breathe, so you can make it through this post without your blood pressure rising.]  

If Belle is anything but a kind soul now it’s due to the influence Rumple has had on her. Funny, I could say the same thing about Regina and Zelena in regards to Rumple’s influence on them. Literally everything this man touches turns dark or unhappy, or both, I kid you not.

Regina

Regina is a Queen who punished an entire kingdom and beyond for trauma forced upon her by her mother, perpetuated by her husband and her mentor. She tortured and murdered countless individuals-men, women, children-or had them murdered, razed villages all to prove she was strong and in control. 

Punishing her people for helping a young, naive girl. Killing hopeful grooms and the light in the eyes of hopeful brides. She took away children’s childhoods, burned them to the ground, just to inflict pain and spread chaos. She had an entire kingdom, that she was meant to protect and take care of, live in fear of her. People who actually seemed to refuse to believe the rumors of the Evil Queen. Who seemed to believe she was a fair and honest ruler. Who believed in her. She tried to snuff out the light of everything and everyone she came into contact with. All because it had been done to her by a select few people. She controlled and crushed hearts and with it the people they belonged to. Essentially the most drawn out temper tantrum this world or any other has ever seen. 

She thought she could own people by offering them deals, trying to buy their love and loyalty. Then coming back on those deals when they didn’t work out the way she’d wanted them to. Either forcefully trying to get her way anyway or granting them a faith worse then death, if not death itself, for their insubordination. I have never seen anyone go back on their word as much as this woman. 

Rumple might have sought loopholes for his deals but at least he was honorable enough to keep most of the deals he couldn’t find loopholes for. Not Regina. Her standard response to people expecting her to keep her deals/word usually came down to a version of “LOL, bitch, you thought. Joke’s on you for trusting me.” Like Rumple, Regina was a master manipulator, making people believe whatever they needed to for her to get her way. Using whatever she had in her repertoire, riches, seduction, very real threats, you name it, to make her will be everyone’s way.

Hook

Hook is a pirate which, by definition, means that he stole riches and killed people for sport. Then he wore the jewelry of the people he killed as trophies. Not to mention that he drunk himself into a stupor regularly and did the same with women so he could bed them without them objecting. This is also known as rape. 

But at least he didn’t fancy himself a hero when it came to his thieving ways. Nor did he consider himself to have a noble code.

He also objectified women, which included his supposedly “beloved” Milah. The one woman we were told repeatedly that he truly loved, he ended up pretty much calling a slut that served all his shipmates. There’s no way of knowing whether he was serious about this since I think this was a thing that existed at one point in time. And he literally did this to her husband’s, Rumple’s, face. You could argue that he was trying to make Rumple think he didn’t care for her. But it was not necessary. It just came naturally to him.

He also sold the son of that same woman we were told he loved into a kind of slavery, to a man known to have his “adopted” boys fight to permanent injury, if not death. All because the son didn’t like him.

A woman we were told he loved immensely and the son she supposedly loved and that was the only thing left of her after her death and this is how he treated them. 

At least all Regina’s atrocities were committed in a period where she was very clear that she was unable to or at least refused to love anything or anyone and treat them with love, because love was weakness. During her reign as the Evil Queen she tried to snuff out any and all versions of love and almost everything and everyone that tried to or believed they did love her. Or that she thought she loved or could love.

Hook also has violent, physically and emotionally abusive, murderous tendencies that come out to play whenever he has something other than himself to blame it on. Like getting back his hand that was “cursed” because it belonged to a worse, past version of himself that gave him an excuse to beat up a man on his first date with Emma. He didn’t even make it to their second date without getting violent. Or planning and almost following through with murdering his girlfriend’s entire family because she hurt his feelings and saved his life when he didn’t want her to. Not to mention choking his girlfriend’s best friend for trying to stop him.

Not to mention that he remains a gigantic liar to this day. And ever since he’s started trying to win Emma’s heart, he’s gone about it by lying time and time again to Emma to further this image of a redeemed hero she has of him, without putting in the actual work to change for the better. Just declaring himself a hero for correcting mistakes he made and taking credit for work he didn’t do. Just this last episode he lied. Again. Something that should have been a genuine moment, words that were true, but because of the context were twisted into a lie. Used as a cover. How can Emma love Hook if he doesn’t even allow her to know him? If she doesn’t allow him to know her? If everything that is shared between them in words comes down to a pretty little lie? Beautiful, tidy, but to what end? 

And see this is where it gets interesting for me. Because what it comes down to for me is that this is a TV Show. If it was real life, I’d never consider any of these characters as relationship material. But this is a show that, because of its very fairy tale nature, pairs up its characters. And what I love about these characters is that they are all trying to change and grow for the better. 

And what it comes down to is not who everyone used to be, but who has changed the most compared to where they started out. And who has helped bring that significant positive change out in them and continues to do so.

In a lot of ways Regina started out worse than Hook. She was a way worse liar than he was. A murderer, for sport, not even to gain riches. She also killed women and children. She killed people randomly in order to exert dominance, so her power would not be questioned.

But what I know about Regina is that while doing all these things she never claimed to be able to love anyone. And if she did, it was for show. The only person she loved at that time was her father. And that was complicated because he stood by as she was abused, which tells me she would have harbored a lot of deep-seated anger toward him as well, wanted or not. Everything she did at that time was out of fear and hate and anger. So much anger.

The people Regina truly loves now, she treats differently. When that love is not clouded by anger or fear, when it’s pure, she’s honest and loyal. And who she used to be makes her non-judgmental, but also no-nonsense, when those she loves go through similar ordeals as she has. And she would move heaven and earth for the people she loves. That is how she has changed for the better. And that is why I love her and consider her relationship material in terms of the show. 

And I want her to be with Emma, because that relationship is one of the healthiest she has cultivated on the show. Regina is a lot to handle, even though she has changed. She still has her baggage and she isn’t perfect. She can still be manipulative and has a fiery temper. The thing is that Emma is the one person that can handle her. That is not afraid of her, any incarnation of her. That knows how to calm her down when she gets scared and angry or frustrated as a result of the fear. 

Emma is the one person who no longer judges her for her past and is learning not to judge her for the remnants of that past that remain. And the most important thing, Emma wants to handle her. Emma wants to be there for her. She wants to know Regina, to understand her, her pain, her fears, her struggles. She takes the time to listen to her and help her work through her issues. Because guess what, she cares about Regina. She loves her and considers her family and that is what you do when you truly love someone. And Regina wants Emma to know and understand her. So she’s honest with her. She opens up to her because that is the only way to make it happen. When Regina lies to Emma, Emma can tell and she calls her on it, every time. She doesn’t just smile and sweep it under the rug.

I mean, it doesn’t happen often, I think Regina lied last twice in season 4, once in 4x05 when Regina lied to Emma because she didn’t think Emma would believe her if she’d told the truth and once in late season 4 because Emma’s parents asked her to. She kept that lie because it wasn’t her truth to reveal and she was trying to preserve Emma’s relationship with her parents. in order to protect Emma. That lie wasn’t a selfish one. And Emma completely understood that. Even so I don’t think Regina has lied to her since. And this is a woman who used to lie even more than Hook does, simply because it allowed her to get her way. But she grew and changed.

The thing that scares me about Hook is how he has treated and treats people he claims to love. How he treated Milah, objectifying her. Bae, the one thing he had left of Milah after her death, traded to Pan. Lying to Emma on a regular basis to this day.

And with the Cursed Hand, the violence toward a guy whom I think could reveal one of his secrets and the wandering hands on Emma in a moment that it wasn’t completely welcome. Making jokes with Emma in the past about how he got women drunk in order to sleep with them. Lying to Emma on a dangerous scale not telling her about his deal with Rumple/not telling her about the curse Zelena put on his lips, to the point that it could have had horrible, lasting or at least far reaching consequences. This was late season 3/early season 4. Hook was supposedly already well on his way on the path of redemption.

Then there is Dark Hook, Hook’s current darkest incarnation, which I think is only fair to compare to the Split Queen, Regina’s current darkest incarnation.

For me, if I had to choose between Dark Hook or the Split Queen to terrorize my town I’m not sure whom I’d choose. Both cause collateral damage. Which as an innocent bystander could very well be me if I lived in Storybrooke. But if I were Emma, well, I’d choose the Queen over Dark Hook any day.

I don’t even feel like I should have to explain this, but alas. Here’s why.

What do they have in common?

They both talk trash, insulting Emma, just because they can.

They both wanted to hurt Emma or said so

The difference?

Dark Hook shamed Emma for being the Dark One, literally withholding his love, or actually, no, he told her he no longer loved her because of the state she was in that she may have gotten herself into, but she couldn’t do anything about in the moment

He also shamed her for being an orphan and called her unlovable because of it. Prophesying that she’d always remain alone because of it.  

Basically Hook shamed Emma for a bunch of stuff she had no control over whatsoever and/or that she couldn’t change herself anymore

The Queen, on the other hand,

called the savior pointless. She basically told Emma that her saving people was unnecessary. That once she started she’d have to keep doing it. The thing with Emma’s savior status is that she may hold the title, but whether she actually acts on it and saves people is up to her. Whether she chooses to die saving people is entirely up to her. Unless of course people are actually out to kill her, personally

told Emma she wasn’t around for Henry

The thing with the hurtful things the Queen told Emma is that they were things Emma could/would be able to or did change. She didn’t throw a cheap shot about Emma having been in prison, like she’d done in the past. She didn’t shame Emma for giving Henry up, like she had in the past. 

Hook also promised to kill Emma’s family and the only thing that kept him from following through was Regina talking him out of it at the last minute. That’s it.

When it comes to the rest of Dark Hook’s actions vs. the Split Queen’s actions, to me, the reason I believe is behind their actions, makes all the difference.

To me, Dark Hook simply wanted to hurt Emma for hurting him. Which I don’t really blame him for. But it doesn’t make him someone I’d want Emma to date. What I thought was horrible was that Hook knew exactly the worst way to hurt Emma. And he planned to. One of Emma’s sorest spots is that she is an orphan, a lost girl. Her newfound happiness is rooted in the family she gained. Hook knew that the worst way to hurt Emma was to take away everything that made her happy, her family. Turning her back into a lost girl, with only him to depend on. 

Not only is that using someone’s vulnerability, stuff they’ve probably shared with you personally, because they trusted you, against them, it’s textbook abusive behavior. Both the using of someone’s vulnerability against them and isolating the partner by making them estranged from their family. So they depend on you. Only Hook went a step further. He was going to forcibly send Emma’s family to the realm of the dead. Everyone, including the son Hook fans swear up and down he considers to be his own. A boy even younger than Bae when he betrayed him, the cautionary tale of another boy, whose mother Hook claimed to love. 

Have Emma and Regina die and have him be the only one left to take Henry in. Have Henry rebel, even a little bit and lets see how he treats him. (Don’t actually do this, writers, because it would suck). As Dark Hook he had the upper hand above Henry’s mothers. As Hook-Hook, he couldn’t take Henry’s mothers, even if he tried. If something were to happen to Henry and it was his fault they’d both filet him, no question. He knows this. And he is a survivor. He’s said so himself.

Which brings me to another thing. Any version of Regina might be and do a lot of things, but the one thing Emma can always count on is that every version of Regina will always love and protect their son. Even if to her that doesn’t necessarily mean protecting others, including herself, from him. Or protecting him from himself. Her mind’s a bit twisted like that. But at least I’d say Emma can count on Henry being with Regina and alive. 

When it comes to the Queen, I believe her reason for doing what she’s doing has everything to do with getting her family to understand fully where she’s coming from, by having them experience different parts of her life and emotions.

It’s twisted, but to me it’s still better than what Dark Hook did.

For Snow and Charming, the Queen wanted them to feel her pain of being alone. They’ve had each other, their love, to lean on for a long time and it made whatever situation they had to face easier. More hopeful and less painful.

But a separated from his wife for an extended period of time-David, was entirely ready to kill a man for taking away someone he’d lost decades ago. Sound like someone else we know? Push a man (or woman) far enough under circumstances similar to your own and you may get a similar result. In that moment David was Regina. The Queen could have killed Snowing, instead she chose this.

For Emma it was about the Queen showing Emma, I think, what her own life as a princess had been like. But without the emotional and physical abuse she was put through. It was about making Emma understand her, but also making her understand that the royal life isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be, even when you do have a loving family. She also sent Emma to a realm where she knew Emma would be safe, where she’d be loved and adored.

For Henry, it was about showing him how the desperation to save someone you love can make you grab for magic as the solution to do so. And how that can lead to evil deeds. Henry held Regina’s past as the Evil Queen against her for a long time without considering what made her that way. That she could ever have been any different than the Evil Queen. It was about showing him how the Evil Queen came to be. 

All of it is twisted. But this is the reason I see behind the Queen’s actions. And damn it, while it’s still twisted, it makes me understand her. And just the fact that she hasn’t killed or tried to kill Emma or any of her family members, that alone puts her above Dark Hook in my book.

Because to me, if she really wanted to hurt Emma, just to hurt her, no one would be able to do it better than the Queen. Because no one knows Emma better. But the Queen hasn’t done that. And she won’t, even though she has been shown to be capable of great cruelty and creativity in her cruelty in the past. You know why? She loves Emma too much to actually hurt her like that. 

[If you really think that what the Split Queen has done so far in the copious amounts of time she’s had in Storybrooke is the worst she’s capable of than you haven’t been watching the same show I have. I think it’s the worst she’s willing to do now and here’s why.]

We have seen that when a person is split in two in one of the incarnations that person’s dark side comes out to play. But it doesn’t keep them from loving whom they loved as a whole. It is canon that Regina loves Emma. You don’t cross realms multiple times to get to someone unless you love whom you expect to find on the other side of the portal. And there are certain lines that I believe she’s no longer willing to cross because of her family, or at least when it comes to her family. Not only because she’d lose Emma and the rest of their new family, but because there are just some things you don’t do to people you love no matter how angry you get. Something I think she’s leaning. That you can’t force your way or your will on others without hurting them.

In my opinion Regina has grown the most. Even at her worst she’s still a lot better than she used to be. And in my opinion a better choice than Hook for Emma. Simply because, among other things, when it comes to relationships I’m Henry.

(x)

I choose pizza, or relationships that are like pizza. Because lying would have to be my fourth pet peeve when it comes to relationships. And here it definitely comes down to choosing the best out of the worst. Where the only thing that makes the difference is the amount of growth that has taken place.

But more importantly, from Emma’s side of things, her relationship with Regina is the one she truly invests in. Not the one she has with Hook. Which has allowed not just Regina to grow a lot separately, but also Emma and has allowed Emma’s relationship with Regina to grow the most, since Regina also invests equally.

Emma is more responsible than she used to be, a better mother than she could have ever been to Henry without Regina and Henry there, being who they are. It has made Emma a more open and loving person. And it’s because Emma and Regina expect the best from each other, Henry expects the best from them and they expect the best from him and it has made them all better people in the process. 

On top of that, Regina is the one Emma can truly be herself around. Regina has been to hell and back and so has Emma. A lot of which happened in Emma’s past before Storybrooke and her parents don’t know about. It means that Emma and Regina are a lot alike. They understand each other and don’t judge each other. It’s interesting because Regina has been known to be judgmental in the past. But when it comes to the ones she loves, she’s different. 

You’d also think with Hook’s past he’d also be able to do this for Emma. Understand her, instead of judging her. But as we saw with the Dark Swan ARC, he didn’t. He rejected her the moment she didn’t fit in the little “I caught a hero girlfriend” box he’d put her in, he withdrew his love and support from her when she needed it the most (we didn’t know the rest of the story at the time and he didn’t remember either), whereas Regina never gave up on Emma. 

And you can say all you want that Emma and Regina having a dark past/unhappy childhood in common is Regina’s fault. But it doesn’t change the fact that Emma’s parents are the ones who made that choice. The choice to give her up, not because it was her best chance, but because it was theirs. They made a choice that they knew would benefit them and their kingdom, not Emma. Emma would have been better off with them, even under a curse. But making that choice they never once questioned where Emma would end up if she wasn’t with them. And given the childhood Snow had with her own stepmother you’d think she would have done that. But no, all Snow cared about was Emma coming back one day to save them. And no, Regina wouldn’t have left Emma with her parents had they kept her, but she wouldn’t have hurt her either. She would have kept her. You know how I know that? Because when the Curse of Shattered Sight hit, turning love into hate, Regina went after baby Neal. Not to hurt him, no, but to take him away from his parents and keep him. She also never hurt Henry, even knowing he was a descendant of her hated Snow and the son of a person prophesied to destroy her. Still, she raised him as her own, with all the love and affection she had to give. And he grew up to be a good, kind, wonderful kid because of that. Because of her.

And Regina’s decision to cast the curse wasn’t intended to hurt Emma. It did, no doubt, in a big way, but that was not why it was cast. And that matters to me. 

As for Robin, there has been no growth. He remained the same until he died. And now he’s back and in some ways worse than he ever was. 

I want to stress that in real life, most of these people would be serving one or more life terms in prison for crimes like murder, domestic assault, rape, theft and/ or be on the registered sex offender list so true love and whether they had it with Pete or Sally would be the least of their worries.

But since these are fairy tales, we get growth instead, from the worst starting points you can imagine, which turns the darkest villains into heroes. Or the heroes into better heroes. Or…a stalemate is reached. Which I think is where we are with Hook and Emma as a couple now. But since, again, it’s fairy tales, alongside growth with people starting out in hell, we also get true love pairings. It’s like the ultimate reward for growth. So if I have to choose from this limited group of options, I choose Swan Queen. 

And you may try to goad me, try and “rub it in” that Captain Swan and Outlaw Queen are endgame. And therefore Swan Queen isn’t. But

1. I’ve known even before this ask graced my inbox that the second couple, Outlaw Queen, isn’t endgame. I never expected them to be even when it first came out that Robin would return.

2. As for the first couple, Captain Swan, I don’t believe they’re endgame either, there’s too much that tells me otherwise. But even if they were, it wouldn’t change who Hook is with Emma and that he and Emma bring out the worst in each other. And that that makes him a bad choice for both Emma and Henry to make part of their family permanently as a husband/ father figure. And makes them a bad choice for him. It wouldn’t change the fact that what this show would be perpetuating would go against everything true love has always stood for in fairy tales, that this show has told us true love stands for. That makes a relationship not just work, but last. Hell, it would be going against what life tells us makes a good relationship. And a relationship has never been able to thrive on a foundation of lies. It’s just that simple.