#it’s that ‘seriously ? right in front of my salad?’ meme

[harringroveera]

Billy’s daily affirmation

[gustingirl]

Me, slides you a note that says:

You know the "right in front of my salad" meme? Well, it's House fucking Wilson, in front of Cuddy

Me, immediately running away giggling

KJDCFKSJC NO BUT SERIOUSLY that's the energy of like the first 6 seasons

[casiavium]

Haha what if you do the “Seriously? Right in front of my salad?” meme but with Ghirahim/Link/Zelda

Plot twist out of shot they're actually just trying to kill each other

[plantreferop]

Better trash than you meme

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#Better trash than you meme movie#

#Better trash than you meme crack#

#Better trash than you meme crack#

These 25 best and funniest husband memes will definitely crack you up as they are very true and relatable. Los Angeles Abandoned Baby You Mt Everest Tea Party Like North Dakota Mount. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. An element of a culture or system of behavior Press J to jump to the feed. See Also: Top 25 Birthday Wishes for Husband They Left You Like You Were Trash And I Collected You As My Treasure Meme. Memes A way of describing cultural information being shared. Oftentimes, you find yourself frustrated and angry with your husband for the smallest things like leaving clothes on the floor, smoking in the bathroom, drinking from the milk box, and so many more. | 23.If you’re looking for funny husband memes, then you’ve come to the right place. Important conversations to have with your cat. There’s no fear of the front camera when you’re this cute. (Sorry for the mistakes) The artist Look the problems is that all the things that they show us are. Like I used to be a kpop fan, like a real fan I used to listen to their music their fancams, lives, memes, vines so and so. Pizza Is a PriorityĪlways leave room for vegan pizza into your monthly budget. Answer (1 of 75): I personally think that kpop is toxic in many ways. Please send photos of that rare variegated hoya that you got to bloom, oh baby. Experts agree that they don’t do well in captivity. SeaWorld? More Like Pool Worldįact: wild orcas travel far distances, sometimes up to 40 miles a day. Food Photography Is Not a Trendīefore you give food photos on Instagram a hard time, remember that humans have always been showing their love for food and technology has made it a lot easier. Kiddie Pool Dog Summerĭon’t keep that good boy waiting. Can every barbecue look like this? He’s in summer mode. On February 3rd, Redditor DmitryMate posted an edited version of a 'You Guys Always Act Like Youre Better Than Me' meme previously posted by KingWildfang to /r/MemeEconomy subreddit, where it garnered over 800 upvotes in nine days (shown below, left). Plant-based food is so much more than just salad and grain bowls. Married life is quite a funny thing when you think about it - first of all, you have to endure the dating phase, skipping through possible marriage prospects and meeting all kinds of weird people along the way. No, really-HAVE they seen their fuzzy little paws? The cuteness levels are unreal. 40 Hilarious Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Married Life. It’s not a complete shopping trip without these (and some dairy-free ice cream). Look at the Cows!!Ĭows, horses, dogs… It’s safe to say that this applies to every animal. You’re never done learning about ways you can do better for others. If you play online games then you should know that people need to GET GOOD NOOBS Do you know a gamer that loves online gaming this. Please stop charging extra for guac when people order something without meat or dairy! In the words of Elle Woods, “What, like it’s hard?” | 12. This x1000ĭear restaurants: things really need to change. Why are human names so hard to remember? Animal names, however… Seriously, why? | 11. Serious talk: Friday evenings are for catching up on sleep. Every Friday evening should look like this. Restaurants, please step it up! Hummus is good, but it shouldn’t be the only plant-based option on the menu. This little nugget of truth applies to anyone who cooks plant-based at home. Hidden Dipīaba ghanoush and other dips are also acceptable: just give us the food.

#Better trash than you meme movie#

Well, maybe the movie shouldn’t be so soothing to fall asleep to! PLEASE be hummus. So as requested, here are two relationship related quotes directly out of your book that have already helped change my mindset about how I treat people: REMINDER: It costs nothing to be kind. Funny, But Sad, But TrueĪ lesson that applies to all crushes, not just the fellas: be specific with your requests and stop polluting the ocean with plastic. When Family Keeps Asking About Kidsįood babies count, right? They definitely count. Shoutout to the everyday heroes who pick up other peoples’ trash. With lockdown still in effect in a lot of places, we could all use some good memes. 23 Vegan Memes That’ll Make You Say ‘Same’ And click here if you’re in search of the best vegan memes. Scroll through these 23 vegan memes if you’re in need of a good laugh. Memes have a language of their own-one that’s capable of encapsulating even complex thoughts and feelings in a way that elicits laughing emojis and maybe even a “same” from both ourselves and strangers. It’s uncanny how sometimes your mood is just best conveyed by a photo with text under it.

DOWNLOAD NOW Better trash than you meme

[secretmellowblog]

Time for some extremely funny news that feels fake but isn’t! In case you missed it:

Today on the almost-anniversary of the rebellion featured in Les Mis, the official Les Mis musical twitter account decided to celebrate by…….tweeting an enthusiastic endorsement of the Queen. This is despite the fact that the primary goal of the rebellion in Les Mis was to eliminate monarchy. Despite the fact that all the rebels in Les mis despise monarchy as an institution and consider it inherently evil/useless/tyrannical.

It feels like satire! The fact that they used an illustration of a poor starving child who in the novel symbolizes the Suffering of the French People under tyrants and tried to turn it into a piece of unironic pro-monarchy art is just? (???)

There’s something to say here about how everything political in Les Mis gets stripped away when it becomes a product for mass consumption, including the now relatively popular political belief that monarchy is a Bad form of government. Like the original novel DOES have issues with being overly middle-class/moderate at points— but there many aspects of the book that are radical and anti-authoritarian, and those aspects are always the first things to get sanded away. (See also: the way Les mis adaptations often portray police as Good Heroes fighting for Justice, which is the exact opposite of the ACAB point the book was going for )

But even putting aside all the political stuff—— the reason this fails is also because it’s Bad Branding? XD. If we’re gonna treat Les mis as a brand (ugh), then that brand is not about licking the monarchy’s boots. Les Mis’s brand is about the exact opposite of that. The kind of Jubilee joke I’d expect from a big corporate Les mis twitter account that understood its brand would be something like ��Looks as if we haven’t got around to overthrowing that monarchy yet! But there’s still time!. ^_^ come see our next performance in {touring location}”. You know— a lighthearted toothless Revolution joke.

But we don’t even gET lighthearted toothless corporate Revolution jokes!

Instead we get this bafflingly sincere “I want to buy a queen plate with a picture of a starving child suffering under a tyrannical government on it.”

But YEAH my favorite thing about this tweet is the way everyone unanimously mocked it:

[juste-une-etudiante]

Got inspired by an ask from @kaincuro about the boys and their dynamic …

Garou being a bastard and Badd acting all done but also loving it is my jam.

[re-lly]

Random Undyne

[lady-literature]

ayy, so ya’ll know that Miraculous/DC crossover I screamed about a while back? I found plot for it.

It is not quite finished yet, but it’s also so much longer than I originally planned on it being. (me: I’ll just write a fun little thing to get this out of my head!

me, 13k words later: oh no)

SO! Here’s a little sneak peak!

(or, find the finished product here!)

***

There is an unspoken rule, kept by any outsider who’s ever set foot in Gotham, that you should only ever visit the city once. Most find that visiting even once was already too much.

The most dangerous city on earth isn’t kind to its residents—much less strangers who don’t know how to watch their pockets or keep off the streets after dark. It’s gotten better, perhaps, in recent years since the Bat started lurking on rooftops, but that doesn’t mean the city is good.

Normal people stay as far from Gotham as they can get.

Marinette, (un)luckily, is far from normal.

***

The touring of Metropolis, New York City, and Gotham had been going well as far as Marinette was concerned, no matter what Chloé says to her about carelessness and naivety.

She’s glad her, Adrien and Chloé all decided to take this summer trip before they started University in the fall. It sucks that it was just the three of them, she wishes more of their friends could’ve tagged along but, alas, it wasn’t meant to be.

Kagami was in the middle of training season and couldn’t come. Luka was touring with his father, learning the tricks of the trade and other things. Nathaniel had already been commissioned to paint a mural downtown before they really finalized dates. Nino was in much the same boat as Nath, just with music and pitch meetings. Felix hated traveling and Alix was doing… something. Time travelling, probably. Or at least spending more time in the burrow.

Marinette was certainly starting to notice the way she’s begun talking about ancient history like she was actually there when she goes on rants now. Felix also probably noticed but Marinette’s also sure that he’s aiding and abetting her in exchange for insider information so…

She’ll probably have to deal with that later, unfortunately. But not today.

Their tour group was going to Amusement Mile later that afternoon, but had been given free roam until then. Marinette decided to spend the time up until lunch at the park near the meetup spot in Gotham Square and Chloé hadn’t complained or vetoed that idea so the trio happily camped out on the grass.

Marinette had returned to her sketch of Lady Gotham in between eating bites of her sandwich. She thinks she much preferred the style of it to New York City’s Lady Liberty. There was just something about the Statue of Justice that inspired her.

She’d been doodling about it since they left the marina yesterday. She also had plenty of pictures of the statue for inspiration later. There’s one she especially likes and thinks she might even print out to put up on her wall at home.

She’s playing with the idea of draping fabrics for formal wear designs like the roman togas both Lady statues seem to wear when a tennis ball rolls up and bumps into her leg. She has only enough time to move her sketchbook out of the way before a large dog bowls into her, tail wagging happily and barking up a storm.

“Oof!”

Adrien’s already halfway up the tree, startled out of his light doze by the barking and Chloé only daintily moved away from Marinette, leaving her to her fate. 

Pushing herself back up so she’s not crushed by what feels like one hundred pounds of dog, she comes face to snout with quite possibly the biggest dog she’s ever seen. From there, there was really only one choice of action Marinette could have followed.

“Oh! Well, aren’t you just the prettiest boy?” she tells the dog happily, reaching up to give him scratches. “Such a big boy! You nearly bowled me over, didn’t you?”

If it’s possible, the dog’s tail begins to wag even faster, enough that he accidentally overbalances himself and decides to roll with it, flopping onto his back and letting her rub his stomach. Marinette does so enthusiastically, her baby-talk to the dog devolving into broken not-words and the occasional exclamation of good boy! in both English and French.

The dog was a great dane, and had the softest coat of black fur she’s ever seen. There was a thick red collar around his throat, and Marinette stopped furiously rubbing his belly long enough to look at the silver tag attached to it.

“Titus, huh?” she says to the dog. “Such a strong name for such a distinguished boy, huh?”

“Oh god,” she hears Adrien groan from his spot still up in the tree. When she looks up, she finds him eyeing Titus with distrust, the absolute kitten. “I hope whoever his owner is, they’ve never read Shakespeare.”

Both her and Chloé blink at the strange non sequitur.

“Uh, why? Exactly?”

“Because they have shit taste in his plays if they do! Titus Andronicus is, like, Shakespeare’s worst play.”

Chloé glares up at him. “You’re such a nerd. Now stop being ridiculous and get down from there.”

“But, Chloé! It’s a dog.”

“Adrien Agreste!”

Marinette tunes out the two blondes as they devolve into sibling-like bickering. It’s a skill she’s had to learn and learn quickly with living in such close quarters with the pair for the last few weeks and also being friends with the pair for the past three years.

“Speaking of your owner, I wonder where they are?” She scratches under Titus’ chin thoughtfully. “Should we go look for them?”

Titus' head flops to the side, almost like he’s listening for something, before he’s clambering up onto his feet to tower over her. He’s almost twice as tall as she is sitting, which is just ridiculous. Why is everything in America so big?

Getting to her feet herself, Titus still stands almost as tall as her. She can rest her elbow on his back when she grabs his collar to make sure he doesn’t run off. He leads mostly, pulling her along at a steady trot she has to jog to keep up with.

He truly was such a well behaved dog and certainly lived up to his breed’s reputation as a gentle giant.

Or at least she thought so, until the call of “Titus! Here!” echoes through the park and he goes racing off towards it, dragging Marinette along for the ride no matter how much she tries to slow down.

Titus comes to a skidding stop, and Marinette barely stops herself from falling by keeping her arm around Titus.

“And who are you?”

Looking up, she finds a young man, probably around her age, staring down at her. He does not look happy—but most Gothamites don’t, Marinette’s found. He’s also, despite the almost glare he’s giving her, very attractive.

When she opens her mouth, incoherent French comes tumbling out, much to her embarrassment.

Ah. ‘Not being able to speak coherently to people she finds attractive’, she had wondered where that particular personality trait had been as of late. Even after so many years hanging around people who should be—and are—super models, she still acts like a spaz. Why is she like this?

The man raises an eyebrow at her, looking very unamused.

She tries again. “Ah- Je suis- I mean, I am very sorry. Your dog found me sitting over there with my friends and I figured I should find his owner instead of letting him just wander around and I assume your his owner because if you aren’t this is very embarrassing for me. Not that it wasn’t embarrassing before but, oh, I’m definitely rambling and I’m going to shut up now.”

Pressing her lips together as tightly as humanly possible so her tongue will stop making horrible life decisions, she holds Titus’ bright yellow tennis ball out to his owner.

The man huffs, taking the ball from her hand. “I didn’t ask for your life’s story.”

Marinette blinks and then frowns. Her hand tightens around where she’s still holding onto Titus’ collar and she has to very carefully unclench her hand before she breaks it or something.

“I didn’t give it,” she says through clenched teeth, embarrassment abruptly forgotten. There’s no need for the man to be rude.

He scoffs. “Could’ve fooled me.”

She doesn't really have anything to say to that. Instead, she turns to Titus, who’s sitting like the good boy he is. She very seriously leans down to eye level—she does not have to lean down far—and tells him, “Your owner is an ass. But you are still a very good boy.”

She plants a kiss to his forehead that makes his tail wag, gives him one last scratch behind the ears and walks back towards her friends without looking back at the rude man. 

***

Colonel Bug: so I met kagami and felix’s lovechild today

MY HONOR: I would never stoop so low.

the evil twin: I would never stoop so low.

ShutUpTurtleMan: Nettie

dearest

the evil twin: Okay first of all-

ShutUpTurtleMan: sunshine

light of our collective lives and reason I breathe

what the fuCK

YoureUnderAgreste: Kagami, my love, how could you?

The Betrayal™

GottaGoFast: ew

Queen of Salt: ew

sneaky snake: Send pics or it didn’t happen

give me art or give me death: [a photo of the ‘right in front of my salad?’ meme]

Queen of Salt: wait

I was with you all day when did this happen?

was it the owner of the dog that attacked you?

ShutUpTurtleMan: WHAT

Colonel Bug: he didn’t attack me!

chloe stop spreading misinformation!

titus was a sweetheart!

YoureUnderAgreste: incorrect

he was, in fact, a menace

give me art or give me death: wait was Titus the dog or the lovechild

ShutUpTurtleMan: ^^^ ?

Colonel Bug: shut up adrien

all animals are great

stop being elitist

give me art or give me death: okay but seriously what kind of dog was it

the evil twin: why exactly was he our lovechild?

GottaGoFast: because of the dramatic tryst you and Kagami had obviously

keep up

Colonel Bug: because he was as pretty as he was rude actually

And gave me the feeling that he’d rant about his honor and parentage if it given the chance

MY HONOR: you say something once as an unsocialized teen

GottaGoFast: MARI YOU DOG!

ARE GETTING TAIL IN GOTHAM OF ALL PLACES?

Colonel Bug: no alix

did you not read the part about how rude he is

YoureUnderAgreste: i mean,,,,,

Felix is pretty rude and we all still like him

ShutUpTurtleMan: and Chloe

YoureUnderAgreste: oh good point nino

Colonel Bug: i hate it here

i spoke to him for like 2 seconds

Queen of Salt: Okay first of all-

YoureUnderAgreste: so i mean it’s not really a dealbreaker yaknow?

Colonel Bug: this familys a nightmare

i shoulda left you all on the street corner where i found you

YoureUnderAgreste: BUT CHA DINDT

ShutUpTurtleMan: but yA DIDNT

GottaGoFast: BUT CHA DIDNT!!

sneaky snake: but ya didn’t

***

I have every no regrets. stay tuned for more!

[snake-and-mouse]

Wedding lwj wearing a red forehead ribbon, yes good excellent. But have you considered: the red ribbon is Wei Wuxian's hair ribbon

Anon, here's the keys to my house, go there and fuck my wife.

... is that too old of a meme to use. Idc all that matters is that was some galaxy brained shit, I already spend most of my time high off the concept of them sharing hair accessories and you just went and combined it with the most visually appealing trope that makes my romance-jimmies get rustled.

But just imagine!!! Like there's no way that would be the standard for Lan weddings, I feel like the way they don't even want non spouses touching the head bands means actually replacing!!! Your band with something from someone is probably like unheard of levels of blatantly declaring your love. You know there would be a mix of people being like omg... how intimate... what a giant banner of sappy emotional gestures, what a romance of the ages. And then people (lqr) being like seriously???? Right in front of my salad??? In public at your wedding where anyone can see??? You just gunna use our symbol of restraint and etiquette to show that literally every aspect of your identity revolves around this cryptid you somehow got us to be chill with you marrying?

[mevekagvain]

Chapter 93 - Fancy chair, love it.

- So my theory is that Raizel just never learnt how to write in Lukedonian either.

- Tbh the janitor is suspicious. Like how hard was he googling M-21?

Chapter 94 - SUYIIIIIIIIIIII

- Ah geez the first of the racistly depicted characters.

Chapter 96 - Suyi getting mad at the kids for complaining about Hansu is so funny like when she first appears you think she's perhaps a stuck up celebrity or a pushover but it turns out she's just a really sweet friend.

- Suyi being stunned by Rai's looks but not falling for him (same with Yuna) is one of the things I always liked about Noblesse. Like sure in the first meeting they get blushy but I'll just jot that down to the inherent beauty of nobles since I can't relate to it at all.

Chapter 97 - Frankenstein's house always being stocked with so much food because the kids just started coming over daily is hilarious. Even funnier since Frankenstein obviously thinks it's overkill but is the one stocking up anyway.

Chapter 98 - Regis and Seira 🥺 Seira's og outfit was the best one she had like it only goes downhill from here folks.

Chapter 99 - It would have been so funny if Frankenstein went "they must be cosplayers" instead of realising the two were nobles.

- Regis taking all the initiative shows how it's his roadtrip coming of age journey which is pretty clever. Also Seira's just like that but still.

- Shinwoo stop exercising in class bro. Do not flex on the rest of us this is so rude 😭😭😭

- Regis confidently saying he's a noble in class to humans he doesn't plan on mind controlling... Baby boy why are you so dumb? How is this hiding your identity??? And Seira just lets him,,, good for her.

Chapter 100 - Ah yes their elegance boner at seeing Raizel... nobles are so fucking weird.

- M-21 thinking he won't get any information because of his time at the Union and thus being surprised at how open Frankenstein is is actually really sweet. Like yeah I still think Frankenstein is an unethical and questionable person but he is kind to most humans (werewolves and nobles can go fuck themselves I guess lmao).

Chapter 101 - The second hand embarrassment I felt when M-21 called the two noblesse... how do I even consume content?

- Yeah 100% most union members don't know the difference between nobles and vampires. I bet they'd classify jiangshi as either mutants or werewolves. Or to be more specific, that would be the classification given to low leveled members. On one hand I think it's dumb that the Union gives members twisted information because how would they even use it? But on the other hand it makes sense since it prevents said members from seeking nobles for help. After all, if they believe even the 'noblesse' are vampires that drink blood, than obviously they won't see them as possible escape routes.

- 'Noblesse only applies to one person'. Yeah because Rai's brother is fucking dead. And so is whoever was his predecessor/parent.

Chapter 102 - Those bullies got backup so fucking fast like Shinwoo literally just asked Regis and Seira if they were okay then boom! They're back.

Chapter 103- Regis going ??? essentially when Shinwoo tells him to take care of Seira is so funny like yes ofc he's confused she's literally a clan leader + noble females aren't physically weaker + noble women work out just like the men.

- Rude, Regis. You can't just ask someone why they're mingling among humans. You're doing that too. Who doesn't mingle among humans smh. Even cats and pigeons mingle with us.

Chapter 105 - Love how everyone else in the household is so sick of ramyeon like Raizel stop please you're being selfish.

Chapter 106 - Frankenstein is the definition of the 'right in front of my salad?' meme at Regis and M-21 arguing at the dinner table. Then there's Seira and Raizel just waiting for the noodles to get soggy so he can't even eat. Wish Urokai could see him getting tortured like this.

- The soldier rejecting backup because he knows the enemy is the Union hurts my heart. Wanting to prevent casualties... iwi

Chapter 107 - Shark how tf do you not know about South Korea? That's one of the asian countries people actually know about. I guess maybe it's because this is from around a decade back? K-pop is more recent and made the country more visible I guess.

- Ah yes Takeo. Forever known as "the first time I read Noblesse and he appeared I thought he was Marie's sister since they had the same hairstyle". Like I thought that before even learning about the Aris Taivra fiasco. My power 😔

- Oh don't worry M-21, Frankenstein stopped experimenting on people 830 years ago. You know, as one does.

Chapter 108 - Shark has like no general knowledge. Geography? History? Tf is that I guess.

- Tao saying they're the worst possible people for the job is so funny like yeah he's right. "All we do is massacre people in warzones why are we in Seoul?"

- The rest of the squad complain or are confused about the peace meanwhile Takeo is vibing. He's the normal guy TM of the group.

- Ah yes noble lore. If you take canon at face value than the fact that nobles were around when humans first emerged and there being about 2-3 clan leaders before the current generation means you can estimate their lifespan. Ofc it differs wildly depending on how you interpret the 'first humans' part. I'll assume there were 3 generations before the current generation (mvp lord being the third generation) and won't be adding the current generation since a 0.5-2k years is kinda meaningless. I'll also be assuming that mvp lord entered eternal sleep at around the same age as his predecessors and that he would have died soon from old age anyway (since canonically they do have limited lifespans). If we assume it's just the first human ancestors (7 million years ago) than the average pureblood lifespan is 2.33 million years. If we assume it's when homo sapiens started to emerge (300k years ago) than it's 100k years. If it's about modern humans (130k years ago) than it's 43.3k years. Regardless I'll ignore it since my hcs are that nobles are effectively immortal unless killed and that the 2-3 clan leaders is a misconception due to a mix of Gechutel just straight up lying, because there are clans that have had fewer clan leaders, because I have nobles settling on Lukedonia only 30k years ago, and because Gechutel is factoring in his own age of 10.2k so it's more like 'There have been 2-3 Ru clan leaders before the Ru clan leader 10k years ago since after we settled in Lukedonia'. There's also the possibility that nobles didn't have lords or clan leaders until a few thousand years ago in canon but the species has existed for much longer.

- 'Nobles are individualistic... They don't despise humans but don't love them either.' Humans w/ ants. Now if the ants were capable of speaking with us it'd be exactly the same situation.

Chapter 109 - "What were they researching here?" Since when does the Union research anything aside from human modifications Kranz? Why do you even need to ask? More seriously this means that the Union doesn't actually only do human experimentation and weapons lmao. The other shit just isn't relevant I guess. It's a shame, I'd have loved to see how a lab focused on like, fixing up polluted waters, would be fit into the story.

- The fact that Tao beat Jake up is never mentioned enough. Also confirms that Jake was lying out of his ass about being the strongest.

- Marie being the weakest assassination squad member is interesting like I know why Crombel doesn't need bodyguards as the reader but you'd think the Union would be suspicious of him not having a stronger bodyguard. Also I still can't believe the Union doesn't bother learning who the members are aside from the ones Crombel tells them about like. Bro???

- Shark calling Takeo uptight is hilarious because the guy literally just shot the falling ceiling light which is the opposite of uptight. Either he was preventing them from getting hurt/being caught or he wanted that to happen considering the fact that he shot it and it shattered. And then he just goes back to leaning against the wall. Takeo please 🤣

Chapter 110 - And Shinwoo's still staying over at Ikhans place. Wonder when he's gonna move back. I really love their dynamic like yeah I beg my sister to get me food all the time too. Also love the apron and skeleton hoodie.

- Shinwoo went through the five stages of grief pretty quick huh? Like yeah it's his own misunderstanding that Ikhan is dating someone but still. Homophobia is annoying as always though.

Chapter 111 - Suyi paying for their food is so sweet of her and also I relate so much like yeah mood that's me and no I don't want to be paid back.

- Takeo,,, the fact that he just hands his wallet over because he doesn't like violence and doesn't want to beat them up,,, my heart. Otoh... how did he even get cornered in an dark shady alleyway lmao.

- Aris managing to make herself look like a teenager as Taivra is interesting since Takeo says he wants her to be able to go to school like Yuna and Shinwoo when he's treating them. I guess she looks younger without makeup.

- Takeo just straight up pointing his gun at Shark in public because he mentioned Taivra... anger issues much? I understand why but taking your gun out is an overreaction.

[eijispumpkin]

“You haven’t laughed in a long time, and I guess I was staring ‘cause I forgot how that looked like.”

Beep. Beep. Beep. And then a crackle of static, and.. there. “Hey, you rascals!” 

Max beams at his laptop with unrestrained delight, and Jessica smiles to herself, pouring two cups of hot tea. Ash and Eiji have just settled into a little apartment in Tokyo, and Max demanded a tour, though Jessica is sure that it’s plain to everyone involved that he simply missed the boys, and jumped on the first opportunity to get some quality time with them.

Not that she’s complaining.

“Hi, boys,” she greets, bringing the two mugs over to the table; she passes one to Max and settles herself next to him, scooting in close so they can both see her. They’re finishing up lunch, it looks like; shoulder-to-shoulder and smiling. “Max, keep it down, Michael’s got that field trip in the morning, remember?”

“Right, right. Sorry.” Max gives her a sheepish look, then turns back to the screen. “So, kids! How’s it going? Move in alright?”

“Yeah, it’s going great. Eiji bought some super cheesy live, laugh, love decorations, and we’re gonna graffitize them with metallic Sharpies before we hang them up.” Ash grins, clearly pleased; Jessica wrinkles her nose. That’s one way to personalize decor, she supposes.

“Wow,” Max teases, grinning ear to ear. “How domestic. Still sure you’re never getting married, you two?”

Eiji, sweet boy that he is, just raises an eyebrow. “Pardon me, Max, but I do not know if we want to take marital advice from you.”

Jessica loses it. Max’s face! He looks like Eiji’s just pulled the rug out from under him! How did he not see that coming? Oh, she loves Eiji, what a wonderful boy. She has to slap a hand over her own mouth to stay quiet, not wanting to make a hypocrite of herself by waking Michael, and...

...Max is staring at her. Slightly self-conscious, Jessica smacks his shoulder. “What? Did I dazzle you or something? Close your mouth!”

“A little,” Max admits, and his eyes go soft the way they did when they got married. She can’t wait to marry him again. “You just haven’t laughed like that in a long time, and I guess I was staring ‘cuz I forgot what that looked like.”

Oh. Jessica softens, and to her chagrin, feels her cheeks heat a little. What is she, a blushing schoolgirl? Good god. “Ah... Max,” she murmurs, and she can’t help it--she leans in and kisses his cheek.

On the laptop screen, Ash heaves an explosive sigh. “Fucking seriously?” he asks, and stabs at his lunch. “Right in front of my salad?”

For some reason, that makes Eiji snort water out of his nose. (Why? Is it another meme? Ugh, she might be a millennial, but seriously, kids these days...)

But as Eiji coughs, splutters, and wipes his face on his sleeve, Jessica notices quite smugly that Ash’s expression is much the same as Max’s just a moment ago, and though she doesn’t voice it, the thought is clear in her mind: Like father, like son, huh?

♥ soft sentence starters ♥

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP memes from Reddit's r/UnpopularOpinions 1/22/2021

No one cares if your damaged or depressed until you are cute or hot

People who have "no filter" are genuinely just rude assholes

Broccoli is one of the tastiest vegetables, if you know how to properly cook it.

Texting back immediately after receiving a text message should be completely normal.

Youtubers who quit their jobs to do YouTube don’t have the right to complain about not having enough money to support themselves

Fining people a fixed amount of money for breaking the law is dumb because the wealthier you are, the lesser the punishment.

We should normalize paying for your own meal on the first date.

All social media apps are slowly blending into the same thing

It is pathetic for a non-American to care about US politics more than your own.

Memorization does not equal intelligence.

I enjoy biting into ice cream bars with my front teeth

People who hate cats are control freaks

When you get married you should take whatever last name is cooler.

Sparkling water SUCKS!

I strongly dislike those who immediately whip their phones out and video every little public disagreement they get into

The ability to cut people out of your life without mercy is a seriously underrated quality in a partner.

Charity should not be forced onto people

Kids shouldn't be allowed on reality TV shows

People are always concerned about the planet we're leaving for our kids, but nobody cares about what kind of kids we're leaving for the planet.

Fast food restaurants should start offering sweet potato fries.

The groom is just as important to the wedding as the bride, and should be treated like it.

The level of hatred people display over corporations, websites and people making them pay for using a service is abhorrent.

Self identifying as "alpha male" is a major "beta" move. Furthermore "alpha" is arguably not a thing. Let's stop using it.

Platonic relationships are just as important and fulfilling as romantic ones

Being warm, comfortable and cozy is better than sex.

I really dislike sweet potato fries

Icing is better than the cake

I don't take people in business clothing any more seriously than someone in joggers

I shouldn't be forced to love the kids of my friends and family by default

Blowing out candles on a cake that everyone will eat is disgusting.

The F word isn't bad. It's the most versatile

I like eating pasta cold

Breakfast in bed is overrated!

People who judge how you eat things are just looking for a sense of superiority

I prefer to poo in public bathrooms than the one in my own house

Martinis MUST be in a martini glass

Yoga is not relaxing

People that call their parents Mommy and Daddy past the age of being a child, are just weird

Most people on this earth are kind, intelligent, friendly and generally try to do the right things.

Being "nice" isn't enough

Therapy is not a panacea for all that ails you

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you won’t die alone

Hyperrealistic art is boring

I prefer sex with a condom

Dreams don’t actually mean anything about you

Salads ruin a burger

Boring is good. Being a boring person. Having a boring job. Having boring interests.

Changing your last name when you marry someone is stupid

I eat nachos with a spoon.

Sleeves are annoying and its always better to have them tucked up to the elbow

People are disingenuous until they get emotional and angry

The Bloody Mary is a disgusting drink!

Women would be more willing to be an old fashioned house wife if men actually provided for them

I don't want Godzilla and Kong to fight

People who say therapy doesn’t work aren’t actually trying.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with warming up old tea in the microwave.

Being single doesn't make you worth any less

Whenever someone says “don’t be a sheep you need to do your own research” you can safely assume that they are the most sheepish and unintelligent people around

Falling asleep somewhere random is better than sleeping in your bed.

“You’re so confident for post this” or “You’re so brave for wearing this” is more of an insult than a compliment

Being a picky eater is perfectly fine and shouldn’t be shamed.

People that like watching people die in horror movies are mental

Hollywood has sold itself out and could care less about art.

Every scrap of paper a child scribbles on doesn’t have to be kept and called “art”.

No one can pull off overalls

Robots aren’t ending humanity!

Plain glazed and apple fritters are the best donuts.

Poets have an over-inflated sense of their own significance

Marxism should be taught in American high school social studies classes

Riding a motorcycle without a helmet should be legal and automatically make you an organ donor.

Self love has gone too far

Scars don't look badass

Being loyal in a relationship isn't something you should be proud of, it's expected.

I find shaving your genitals deeply humiliating

[lilwenney]

THEY LIKE ME MORE

pairing: alex x female!reader warning(s): small alcohol reference  word count: 1.4k words  a/n: a little tiny thing requested because we’re all softies for the boi

Sweet laughter erupted in the back garden, carrying well over fences for the neighbors to hear, carrying in through the sliding screen doors and into the kitchen just off the patio. Standing in front of the sink with a drink in hand, she looked through the small window and to the garden, watching on while Alex, his brother, and his father all laughed together. They had the same laugh, and it was quite endearing. 

It was a beautiful Father’s Day in the UK, and for the first time, (Y/N) met Alex’s family. They woke up early and took a train from London that morning, arriving just right after breakfast. While most were scared at the thought of meeting their significant other’s family, she stepped on the train with slight nerves, but the moment she was in the house and being greeted with hugs and large smiles, every nerve flew away and was replaced with joy. 

The whole day was spent together as a family. They had lunch at the kitchen table and then moved to the garden for drinks, Alex took her on a tour of the house and to his old bedroom, and (Y/N) jumped at the first chance to help his mum with dinner. 

While doing so, she got to sit back and watch how well Alex meshed with his family. People always assume that everyone is on good terms with their family, or at least they work well together, because after all, they are the ones who raised them, but sometimes it couldn’t be less true. 

When she watched his dad grab him the second they stepped out of the car, when she watched Alex grab drinks in the kitchen and laugh with him over something related to football, she felt an overwhelming sense of what could only be described as jealousy. 

(Y/N) never had a good relationship with her father, and it wasn’t something she often talked about either. Her relationship with him went as far as being genetically related, but they struggled to maintain a closeness as she grew up, therefore resulting in a broken connection later in life. She talked about her family life so little that Alex, even after as long as they had been together, had no idea of how distanced she was from him. 

And when she saw the way Alex and his father interacted that Father’s Day, she felt jealous, she felt saddened, and began to replay the small good moments she had with her own father in her head, as sparse as they were. 

The condensation on the glass pressed cold against her palm as she took a drink, listening to the sliding door open just a few feet away. She looked over and watched Alex step into the kitchen with her. He was at her hip a second later, pressing a swift kiss against her cheek. 

“You know, you can come out and sit with us. Don’t have to stand in here and stare out the window longingly.” She smiled briefly and turned her head, allowing him to kiss her quickly.

“I’m waiting for my husband to return from war.” She joked and Alex laughed, pecking her lips once more. “I will be out in a second. Your mum has a few things she needs done before dinner and I’m trying to help her.” She motioned towards the kitchen island where bowls sat half-filled and vegetables laid to be peeled. 

Alex looked at her for a second, noticing the way her smile faded fast, how her mind seemed elsewhere, and then he nodded. He trusted her to tell him whenever something was going on, so he let it slide for the time being. “Okay,” he nodded, “just don’t take too long. I want you to come out here and talk to everyone.” 

She nodded. “Okay, I won’t be long.” 

And she turned away from him, swiftly talking back to the kitchen island where she began to grab things to throw in a salad. Alex paused, watching on while she grabbed the vegetables and started cutting them, tossing them into a bowl. He didn’t say anything else before turning and talking back out to the garden, reuniting with his brother and dad. 

No less than ten minutes later, she and Alex’s mum carried out plates and bowls of food to the back garden, sitting them on the table so everyone could gather around for dinner. (Y/N) walked around the table, and lowered down next to Alex. He placed a hand on her thigh when she sat, and they shared a smile and a quick kiss before dinner started.

Over the span of the evening hours, while they ate dinner over beers and a lot of laughs, Alex couldn’t help but notice the way that she was acting. From her small laughs to the way she was holding herself back while talking, Alex realized she felt out of place. 

Even though he didn’t bring it up after dinner or on the train home that night, her actions lingered in the back of Alex’s mind, and be brought it up as soon as they stepped foot in his flat later that night. The door clicked shut behind them and Alex tossed his keys down with a sigh.  

“Is everything okay?” He asked, watching her pull off her jacket, tossing it over the back of the sofa.

She turned to him and raised a brow. “Yeah, why?” 

“You have just been... acting weird all day.” Alex toed off his trainers by the door. “And I don’t know if something is wrong or maybe we rushed meeting my family-” 

“Oh no, Alex, no, I love your family.” (Y/N) responded quickly when she lowered down onto the edge of the sofa. “They were so welcoming and nice, and I haven’t felt so surrounded by joy in a really long time.” 

Alex walked further into the flat. “I thought that maybe you didn’t like them. My dad was trying so hard with all of his jokes to get you to laugh.” 

She cracked a small smile at the thought of his dad going out of his way to tell all his hidden dad jokes just to get a reaction from her. That was something that she missed out on while growing up.

“Seriously love, what’s going on?” He sat down on the table in front of her, taking her hands in his, causing her to lift her head and look directly at him. “You know that you can tell me anything.” 

“I know,” she whispered. Looking down at his hands on hers, she gently rubbed the pad of her thumb along his wrist. “I didn’t have a dad like yours growing up, Alex, and I still don’t.” Her eyes met his again. “I haven’t talked to my dad in a long time, and seeing how you talked and laughed with your dad…” she shrugged, “it just felt weird being around a loving relationship like that.” 

Alex’s grip on her hand tightened, and she let out a small breath. “You didn’t tell me that.” 

“It’s usually not something I tell anyone. And it never really bothered me until now.” She said before meeting his eyes again. “I’m sorry if I ruined dinner, I was just… somewhere else in my head, I guess.” 

“No, no, don’t apologize. You didn’t ruin anything.” 

Alex swiftly moved to the sofa and they found each other in the middle, leaning on each other for support. He slowly slid his arm around her shoulders, giving her a second before kissing the top of her head. 

“Don’t apologize. I just wish you had told me so I knew how you felt. And you didn’t have to go today if you didn’t want to.” 

“I wanted to go, love, I did. I’m happy that I did.” She raised her head to look at him once more. “And I should have told you about my dad.” 

“It’s not going to change anything. Your relationship with your family doesn’t change how I see you, or how my family sees you.” 

She raised a brow at him. “How does your family see me?” 

“Well,” Alex leaned back on the sofa, pulling her with him and she smiled, curling up against his side. “You are the first and only girl I have ever brought home, so they are pretty excited about that, and considering my mum told me to bring you back soon, I would say that they see you like I do.” 

“As your girlfriend?” 

“I sure hope so, I didn’t bring you around because you weren’t.” He said and they laughed together. (Y/N) leaned up and pressed a kiss against his jaw, and then his cheek. “I give it an hour before you’re added to the family groupchat.” 

“Oh, your brother already added me to a groupchat.” 

Alex stilled. “What?” 

She laughed and pulled the phone out of her back pocket, unlocking it and allowing Alex to look at the thread of messages that had been sent over the course of the last hour. It was a few text, mostly dumb memes and reaction photos. A part of her was already starting to feel close to them. 

He scoffed. “I’m not even in this groupchat! It’s just you and my entire family!” 

She laughed and snatched her phone away, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “They might like me more than they like you now.”

[incarnateirony]

I get blends of innocent beans confused with what queer coding is or isn’t, and malignant beans misappropriating points, so we’re gonna do a quick run through.

Queer coding started as a malignant thing. The truest use of the phrase “queer coding” came from stereotypes and villainizations that straight people found sCaRy. This is like, why Scar seemed classically flamboiyant, or a variety of Disney villains were long, lanky, gestured exaggeratedly, wore eyeliner, etc. There’s a million examples but I’m not going to cover them all because I think you get what I mean. At the time, straight culture was painting gays as bad so painting villains as how straights perceived gays was like, super useful, cuz it creeped the straights out oOOoooOOo.

When people talk about queer coding enforcing stereotypes, if you’re talking about the original form of queer coding, this is inherently true. However, coding reached other levels, and has adaptive forms.

For example, watching (as I’ve been mocked for saying 10,000 times, but because it’s needed) The Celluloid Closet will clear up a lot for you. Subversive queer coding is when queer creators use a great deal of things to communicate with a queer audience past censorship. The film documentary (if you can’t read the book -- which I understand, it’s difficult to find) clears a whole fuckton of this up.

There’s some things that, quite frankly, we as gays know as part of our language. It is what it is. While it’s not a stereotype, it’s quite literally a language I highly warn straights against stepping into, because then they flounder around confused on what’s our actual language and what’s a stereotype

A truly innocent bean asked of me yesterday, well why then is menthols fair subversive queer coding? How is that not a stereotype?

Well like, because it’s facts. And that’s really, really hard to wrap ones’ head around from an outsider straighty perspective or even someone who’s queer but trapped heavily in a hetnorm world outside of where this is visible and/or in the wrong demographic otherwise. A black person who hangs out with black people of all orientations is not going to blink at a media dude getting menthols generally, because it’s one of the cultures that statistically engages in it to the point of memes about Kools or whatever. That’s not my culture, I can’t comment on much beyond that, but it’s just something to take note of.

But even if you don’t want to take someone’s word on “no, seriously, white dudes smoking menthols is queer culture and literally like a great sign for a hookup to another queer white dude”, google the various intersections of gender and menthol, race and menthol, and sexuality and menthol.

This isn’t pulled out of thin air. These were populations quite literally heavily targeted by Big Tobacco and, by nature, are the ones that smoke it, whereas Big Tobacco put(s) on airs of masculinity and chick-magnetness to smoke good ol non-menthol shit. It’s literally marketing. Yes, it does literally impact who buys product and yes, it does after generations have a noticeable affect. Track the numbers I told you to google down and you’ll realize less than 3% of menthol smokers identify as straight white men (depending on the way the numbers sort out and the year of polling, often 1.x%, 3% is the liberal number).. Lemme tell you, on the street, that’s an “okay, honey :)” when you do find it. Maybe a little pat on the head. An invisible brochure for Welcome To The Gays.  Like, White Men make up more than 31% of America and they still refuse to tally more than 25% of the US as queer [some censuses as low as 6% and LOL] so like-- that should be like minimum 25% of dudes available and nope, 1-3%)

(that’s not to say all gays or even all white gays smoke menthol, but this is that rule of “not all fingers are thumbs, but all thumbs are fingers” in loose application.)

But understanding these things, these signals, from the outside is utterly flabbergasting to people.

No, someone making an immasculating joke is not subversive queer coding. No, a dude wearing a certain kind of shirt or eating a certain kind of food generally isn’t queer coding (Unless it’s a rainbow flag BITCH IM GAY shirt, or uh, maybe for food quiche or hummus? I mostly joke for the latter two, but that’s the kind of self ball punching queer community sometimes does to itself in awareness that yes, there ARE elements. No, eating hot dogs and burritos isn’t gay. Yes, we make make penis jokes. No, that isn’t itself queer coding.)

When a queer author codes a piece, it’s designed to communicate to the resonant audience. It also may not communicate to /all/ gays. The language of a middle aged cis gay man that lived through the AIDS crisis is a whole other fuckin adventure from the language of 17 year old trans gays squatting behind their Xbox, it’s just fact, it’s just what is. Completely different cultures and lives being lived, completely different experiences resulting. A few things here or there may connect across generations but some shit that’s written by a gen Z gay is gonna whiff by a boomer gay, sorry. Also just facts.

Explaining exactly what is and isn’t queer coding is almost impossible beyond the fact that “if you don’t get it, it’s probably not for you.” -- At the same time, that leaves the problematic room of people taking that grey area and packing in a bunch of shit and we’re back to ground zero on the original problematic queer coding.

I once read a meta of uh-- I’ll just say, [Fantasy Character]. The fantasy character had an addiction problem that gave them villain-like attributes. Someone implied the “villain coding” made it queer coding. Okay like. Fucking absolutely not. Because if the show in question WAS doing that, first off, that’s literally the kind to make mockeries of gay people so you literally shouldn’t be reaching for that and second off they’d be doing that lanky sassy bitch with eyeliner bullshit like Disney villains with it, give or take. You don’t apply this shit in reverse, “he has villain attributes and so he’s gay” is literally the worst possible angle to take a discussion while trying to slap fight in a representation arena. Like I can’t say enough DO NOT DO THIS SHIT. 

If you wanna write fic or headcanon whoever as gay or whatever have fun but like once people keep trying to talk about “coding” you’re talking about conscious elements inset by the authors. Does a character have a bunch of on the record sexual encounters that just happen to include dudes persistently even if we don’t exactly get the exact angle or Proof Of Dicking? That’s gay (also depending on the phrasing, as settled in older stuff, that’s just deadass queer text and settled long before this fandom ever had pissing matches about this shit in older cinema.) Does the character happen to be respectful and use like gender neutral pronouns on people? Sorry folks that unto itself isn’t gay, that’s gays writing allies at best, unless you can give specific and directly applicable situations relevant to the character rather than eternally vague blogging through and swearing up and down it’s just about their partners or some shit. Yelling it in general though, sorry, no. 

Does the character engage in things or events with non-het gendered partners that in the very least are heavily coded into the areas of relationships even if they’re unclear (eg, do they routinely go out with non-family people and hold deep or meaningful conversations in things that LOOK like a date, even if nobody SAYS it’s a date) -- congrats, you have coded text. Alone it could even be queerplat stuff, depending on the suprastructure of the plot, text, subtext and everything else around it (same way, gasp, a man and a woman can sit at a table and not necessarily be in a relationship, but if they’re trading courting gifts and having unique and powerful exchanges or have big like, “the heart is the thing that binds us together uwu” shit, we all figure out what the fuck is going on like grown assed adults.)

It’s easier to list things that are NOT subversive queer coding:

Insults against gay people

Immasculating commentary

Random foods short of it deadass being a gay author making fun of some gay meme shit in some gay equivalent of ‘right in front of my salad’

Favorite colors or clothing

---

We got it? Good. Rule of thumb though. Deadass unless you are involved in some thick-ass queer culture don’t try to queer code shit. I don’t even care if you’re queer yourself because that doesn’t mean you’ve actually been subject to the culture in a meaningful way. There’s 30 year old bis that grew up in white picket fence suburbias on top of trust funds with hovercraft parents guiding them through 17 degrees and keeping them out of party culture that married a het-passing relationship and settled down and started having babies and their grasp of queer culture ends at what they perceive out of memes online, if they even hover in actual queer crowds online at all as much as general ones. That person literally is not going to speak much of the language. They aren’t. At best they’ll speak the language of 30 year old trust fund het-married bisexual mothers which, I mean yeah, technically some queer language but that’s a very, very fucking niche experience path right there compared to street-dwelling club-goers that attend pride, hold D&D parties with all their coworkers they figured out are gay on the weekend, occasionally brick a window in a riot. The latter is gonna have a far more diverse queer experience. And by such, a far more diverse queer language.

That’s not even to gatekeep. 30 year old trust fund het-passing-marriage bi-mom is in fact bi. So yeah, they’re queer. But we’re talking about language and culture, which is related to but not something you inherit. It comes by lives and experiences.

And I think this is where a LOT of the fucked up early Queer Coding fuckery comes from in discourse. Yes we have a language. Hell, to some extent a few things might even kinda BE stereotypes but there’s a certain amount of living and being where you know the difference between “this is a stereotype made by straight people villainizing us that has no idea what we’re fucking like” or “this is a stereotype born out of mass marketing that targeted and victimized then imprinted on an entire population that we’ve come to recognize among ourselves.” Or even “this is a stereotype but FUCK YES it’s one we embrace, go get fucked, straights.” And it’s not NEARLY as ambiguous as fandom circle jerks try to make these things out to be in the interest of wanting every interpretation to be valid or every character to be gay or not wanting to admit some person may know what the fuck they’re talking about more than they do. 

Huge point on that last one though, because like. I’ve seen some angry straights that are pissy about the show try to throw wrenches in the gears by concern trolling as if in defense of the gays about “offensive queer coding” and most of the time they’re basically that “how do you do fellow kids gays” meme. “How do you do gays I am very concerned about *checks notes* the twitters talking about gay men walking fast” and half the time turn around like two tweets later like “besides the character doesn’t even have a lisp anyway” or some bullshit that is outright offensive ass stereotyping while they’re out here trolling over the fact that a gay man admits to diva worship as a cultural trait.

General rule of thumb: ask a queer culture immersed gay about queer coding.

Shipping culture in the blue hellsite is not queer culture, for the record. Even if a bunch of queerfolk are in it.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

A very tired gay

[scaryscarecrows]

Imagine the Squad just vibing, watching a movie or something, and Riley just lets out an ungodly Burp. Like everyone loses their mind, because wtf dude, and Riley just grins

Jimmy: Way to ruin the mood, genius.

Frank: And just like that, that scene of the girl getting stabbed in the shower has lost all seriousness.

Riley: :)

Mark: Seriously? Right in front of my salad?

Antoine: ...

Jimmy: ...

Trent: Where did you even hear that?

Mark: The internet? I don’t live in a bubble, it was all over social media.

Jason: The hell is that even from?

Frank: NOPE. Nothing! Nothing at all.

Jason: I’m an adult, I took over Gotham in a matter of hours, come on--

Trent: Really, nothing. It’s nothing.

Antoine: Just a...a stupid meme, that’s all.

Riley: Sure it is.

Jimmy: So it’s actually from--

Mark: SHUT UP THE MOVIE’S STILL ON.

[tinchuleytiger]

Mormor tiger therapy, Seb's side of the story

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME!

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

Sebastian sits on the edge of his couch, a bottle of beer in his hand and four more on the table in front of him. He’s been drinking since he woke up and found Jim laying in his bed, having remembered the events of the night before. Richie was sitting on a chair opposite his coffee table, staring at him seriously. “What?” Sebastian’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not answering any questions.” 

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - “I mean... I wouldn’t... fuckin... dump him or anything. He’s a sweet person. But I’m not really in his age range and I don’t think he’d wanna be with a guy like me in a few years. This is so fucked up.” 

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - “L-love?! I don’t-” Sebastian’s face blanches. “I’m his therapist! That’s so unethical!” 

How was their first kiss? - “It... uhm, it was really good. He’s... fuck, this is so weird. He’s really soft and sweet. But he approached me first so it was kinda hot, him taking charge like that...” 

Wedding:

Who proposed? - “I... uhm, probably me. I don’t think he’d wanna get married though. Old, remember?” 

Who is the best man/men? - “I wish I could say my brother, but... that boat sailed years ago.” 

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - “You, Richie. I guess?” 

Who did the most planning? - “That’s a lot on anyone’s plate. I’d hire someone, prolly.” 

Who stressed the most? - “I think me. I mean, he’s so young. What if he thinks I’m some sick fuck in five years and drops me like a sack of potatoes?” 

How fancy was the ceremony? - “Prolly pretty small. Intimate. We wouldn’t really want a lot of people and I’d make sure we waited til he was at least in his twenties. I’m not fucking over his life.” 

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - “Anyone. My career would be in ruins if anyone learned about this. Fuck. My career’s already in pieces...” 

Sex:

Who is on top? - “I mean, I was this time. But things change and... well... fuck, I dunno. I don’t want him to think I just wanna fuck him so... I mean, I’d swap. I’m not opposed.” 

Who is the one to instigate things? - “He was. I wouldn’t-” 

How healthy is their sex life? - Sebastian turns red. 

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - “I mean, I’m his therapist and he’s 15.” 

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - “I can hold out for a while, but... I mean, he’s really fucking talented, okay?” 

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - “Of course not. He’d get way more. He deserves it. All those nasty fuckers.... he deserves to cum as much as he wants!” 

How rough are they in bed? - “. . .”

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - “I mean... I wouldn’t... I wouldn’t say no to some...” 

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. (In private)

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - “Men?” 

How many children will they adopt? - “I dunno... if... ya know, Jim would even want kids. Bad childhood, ya know? Same here.” 

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - “I prolly would. I mean, it won’t matter but...” 

Who is the stricter parent? - “Prolly Jim.” 

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - “Me, I guess. Therapist, remember?” 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - “Me. I still make him lunch.” 

Who is the more loved parent? - “Jim. I think I’d be more of a grandpa...”

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?- “Jim, It’d be weird if we both showed up... ya know, the age thing.”

Who cried the most at graduation? - “Me. I don’t think I’d ever thought about kids.”

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - “Me. I mean, I try to bail Jim out all the time.” 

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - “Me. I’d like to teach Jim, though.”

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - “Me. I don’t like some things, and I’m not gonna eat garbage.”

Who does the grocery shopping? - “Me, I’ve got the money for it.” 

How often do they bake desserts? - “I... I can’t bake.” 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - “Does it matter? Food’s food.” 

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - “Me, prolly. I dunno... maybe Jim? But we’d... ya know, have to last that long...” 

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - “Jim. We shouldn’t though.” 

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - “Not me, so maybe Jim?” 

Chores:

Who cleans the room?- “I wanna say both of us.” 

Who is really against chores? - “Neither? I’d like to live in a nice space, so I hope he would too.” 

Who cleans up after the pets? - “Me, prolly.”

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - “Also me, when I’m tired.”

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - “Me for sure. I don’t really have guests...”

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - “Prolly Jim.”

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - “Jim. He hogs the hot water. It’s cute.”

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - “Me.” 

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - “I don’t normally decorate, since it’s just me. But... I mean, if he was around...” 

What are their goals for the relationship? - “I’d like to make him happy.” 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - “Prolly Jim, if he gets to sleep. He works too much. I want him to stop.” 

Who plays the most pranks? - “Jim. For sure.”