#it’s really not just weird guys tell me you’ve never met a bi woman with a weird ass girlfriend

[junglejim4322]

Amazing how bisexual women have debatably the largest dating pool possible and they use that power to find the weirdest men and women anybody has ever come across in their lives

[witchthewriter]

hiii! those notifications about your shipp games made me want to try it to (if thats okay for you)!

my level is 3

fandoms: marvel, the umbrella academy and peaky blinders

about me: i am a woman, she/her, bi and a brazillian in usa. i am smart, straight As kinda of girls(i really not doing this to brag, but that is basically my personality -hello anxiety- so...), studying journalism. 80% of what came out of my mouth are jokes (10% of them makes someone laugh because i am terrible at it), always laughing even in moments we're i shouldnt. i am short, kinda stubborn, like reading and a big fan of my queen taylor swift. i cant think of anything more to say so...

thank uu, l am in love with your new fase in this hellsite :))

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋

This girlie right here is my absolute gorgeous friend. I want everyone to follow her, she is so sweet! Thank you my love for being so supportive! 

What each ship has in common:

⋆ Somewhat stoic ⋆ Determined ⋆ Passionate ⋆ Intelligent ⋆ Intimidating

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐥

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 

 I ship you with Marc Spector from Moon Knight! (I really really hope you’ve seen the show but if not I’ll give a quick lil rundown without any spoilers!!) okay so this man right here ... whew ... he is so sexy. It’s like the creators scoured this hellsite to see what we love and then made Marc. He’s intimidating, bold, very very much daddy, takes charge, knows what to do etc.

You two work because you give him a reprieve with your lightheartedness. He needs someone in his life to balance the scales. He is all this doom and gloom, then you come in and cheer him up.

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・He likes his head scratched; very big fan of scalp massages and gentle hair strokes

・Will make sure your car is always serviced, and has a full tank. He fixes lightbulbs, kills spiders and makes you feel safe.

・I can see you singing ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme A Man After Midnight’ by ABBA. And he’s a total mess, blushing and laughing. Especially if you’re up dancing as well

・Is so so so protective of you! At times you have to tell him to calm down and you can take care of yourself

・Likes to watch you sleep - not in a weird way, you just look so peaceful

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

Your hands - he loves holding them, kissing them. He loves it when you hold his face in your hands too

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

Natasha Romanoff. You two get along really well, just like with Marc, she enjoys your jokes.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐀𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐲

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Diego Hargreeves! He has a lot of walls up and likes to shield himself from emotions. Doesn’t like to let others know they’ve gotten to him. I think you guys would bond over something like the pressures of exceeding expectations.

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Yes Diego has his siblings, and he does love them ... although he would never admit it. But it was like he had never experienced love until he met you. A fire formed in the pit of his stomach since meeting you;

・He will always, always defend you. He’s literally like ... ‘befriend defend,’ and will always throw hands if someone even slightly insults you

・He’s like a puppy, the way his eyes follow you wherever you go. Klaus teases him about it all the time

・Very, very grumpy. And you tease him about that. Getting him to smile is the best feeling in the world. Not many people can do it

・He shows how much he loves you by doing acts of service; getting your favourite meals, chocolate, sweets, making dinner etc

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

Your kindness and love towards him. He absolutely adores you and would spend the rest of his life with you, if you agreed.

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

Five; I think you guys would have really deep, interesting conversations that blow the others’ minds.

𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐲 𝐁𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Ada Shelby! I think you two would be like two peas in a pod. It would be a comfortable and easy going relationship. You wouldn’t be pushed beyond your limits or made to feel uncomfortable. She would always look after you. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Probably met at the library, since you would go there to study a lot. She notices and recommends/helps you find books.

・You were surprised to find out she was a Shelby. It did intimidate you a bit at first, but it didn’t stop you from seeing her.  

・Kinda like a mini book club, with just the two of you. But it was just an excuse for her to invite you over to her house

・She likes to gift you books and write you little notes in the margins.

・Leaning your forehead against each other

・Not telling you a lot about the business at first, because even she doesn’t like being a part of it.

・Taking you to the movies, and literally saying no one else is allowed in, ‘under the order of the peaky blinders.’

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

Your passion. She finds it so invigorating how much you care, how much you want and desire. She isn’t used to it.

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

I reckon you would be great friends with Esme; she would be such an interesting person to get to know.

[ryozoro]

Hades Playlist - ii.

NOW PLAYING: Vampire [Dominic Fike]

cw; nothing really, very small mentions of manipulation and murder

an: SORRY FOR THE LATE UPLOAD , THINGS GOT BEHIND SCHEDULE :(

“The curious are always in some danger. If you are curious, you might never come home.” – Jennette Winterson

She couldn’t get him off her mind; ever since she met him, all her thoughts have led back to the droopy eyes and the slick back hair that seemed a lot softer than what the gel presented it as. The whole idea of her thoughts tracing back to the eldest of the Haitani’s and her heart beats mimicking each time the octave of his voice dropped with every word he spoke to her, made yn almost forget all the rules her big brother placed when it comes to men.

Why does she yearn to be in the presence of someone who would not hesitate to take her life for a laugh amongst his gang? Why does she want to run into the back allies of each street in hopes of accidentally bumping into him? Why isn’t she able to use common sense and erase the memory of him out of her head? Why does she feel like fate has strung their paths together on purpose? Why – you know what? Maybe she latched onto Ran so fast in hopes of forgetting someone else that continued to plague her mind daily. Maybe she is becoming obsessed with idea of someone not seeing her as a kid. That has to be it, right? Ran, ‘Tani-Senpai,’ shares the same interest and even wants to talk to her later as if they have been old friends. That has to be it —

“Yn!” her brother’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “Are you okay, ya idiot?” She took note that everyone at the table was staring at her, waiting for her to answer Draken’s question. “You’ve been spacing out since we got here,” Draken frowned as he plucked a piece of food from her plate, “are you sure that nothing happened on your bike ride to the shop?”

“If you were riding to the shop, I would have gladly picked you up,” Inupi chimed in with a soft smile. “I told you to treat me like I’m another older brother.”

“Hm,” yn hummed while avoiding eye contact with the blonde man, “wanted to surprise my troll of a brother and I figured you were off because its Tuesday.”

“Ah,” Inupi gently laughed as he watched her play with her food, “you remembered my schedule?”

Of course, she remembered his schedule. Yn knew almost everything about him; from the origins of his beautiful burn mark to his favorite snack in the vending machine back at the shop, yn knew and fell in love with it all. Draken always teased her about being in love with Mikey or Hakkai since she always seemed relaxed around them, but little did he know that his little sister was in love with his best friend and business partner.

“I’m honestly shocked that you kept it the way you did,” yn side-eyed him as she raised the other hand to pick at the bandages that wrapped along the underside of her jaw, “but at the same time, I’m not that shocked considering old people love to stick to their schedules. Wouldn’t want you straining your back, Oji-chan.”

Inupi laughed – God, she loved that laugh - whole heartedly to the point he began choking on his food. Of course, sitting with their friends and family, Inupi’s contagious laugh spread amongst the others and the people around them either ignored it very well or gave them silent glares in hopes they would stop; surprise, they did not. Hell, if anything, it got worse – so much worse – to the point that Mikey, Takemichi, and Chifuyu all fell out of their chairs.

“I – what did I say that was so funny?” yn pouted as she fished her phone out of her pocket, “I just called him the old man he was.”

“That’s why, brat,” draken flicked her forehead and chuckled, “we had made a few bets on what you would say when Inupi had talked to you. Surprisingly, Mitsuya guessed you would have called him a grandpa.” Draken and the others proceeded to give Mana’s big brother 200 yen as they got up off the floor and calmed down.

“So, Yn,” Takemichi looked her in the eyes with a dopey flushed face.

“Watch it ‘ Mitchy,” Kazutora playfully warned, “don’t wanna embarrass the poor girl since she just got back.”

“What is it, crybaby,” she asked hesitantly as she scanned over his face, noting signs of mischief lurking in the corners of his smile. “It better not be something stupid, or else I’m telling Hina-san about what you did last time you came over to the shop.”

“Oi, you’re so mean – just like your brother,” Takemichi pouts and fans his hands towards you, “but it’s just a simple question, neh.”

Yn enjoyed Takemichi’s presence more than someone from an outside point of view would have thought. He always served as a hero in her eyes as he saved Mikey from the dark path he began to walk and how he constantly reminded her brother on how much his deceased lover, Sano Emma, watches over him and guides him to all the good things that happens in his life. He was an amazing guy and one that she wished had set her expectations for her taste in men, but her heart yearns for those who are completely out of her grasp.

“Just ask or else I’m calling Hina-san,” yn smirked as she brought her phone screen into view for Takemichi to see that “Hina-san <3” contact was pulled up and only one press away from being dialed.

“Oh, you bully!” Takemichi sighed dramatically, “I was just going to ask how long you have been into gilfs?” Draken choked on his drink and Pah-chin was patting his back in hopes of easing the rough coughs. Everyone at the table began to cause even more ruckus with tears of laughter as yn sat there dumbfounded.

“w-what,” she scratched her head and looked around the table in hopes of someone taking note of her clear ignorance at the word that Takemichi had claimed her to be attracted to. Since no one answered, she decided to speak on her own, “what the hell is a gilf?” Much to yn’s dismay, the table went silent for a brief second before bursting out into an even louder fit of laughter. “Well?! What the hell is it?”

“Yn, love,” Smiley spoke between hiccups and giggles, “it’s the same thing as a Dilf or Milf, but for old people.” After he finally finished his sentence, he leaned against his twin and laughed even harder.

“I-,” yn stood up and threw her dirtied napkin and spoon at the man who made the joke, “I’m not attracted to gilfs you fuckin idiot.” Yn moved behind Takemichi and put him in a headlock, “what made you even think to say that ya CD sellin’ pervert.”

“Oi,” Draken said from above her, “let ‘Mitchy go or else I’m taking you back all the way to Fukurodani and asking them to volunteer you for the summer school tutoring.” Yn dropped her arms in defeat and made her way back to her seat. “And you,” Takemichi looked up at her brother with a teary-eyed smile, “go clean your hair up before your wedding. It’s in three days and anyone can tell you pick at your split ends during your down time at work.” Draken laughed as Takemichi’s expression turned into a pout and he began punching Draken’s solid abdomen.

“Oh,” Angry stood up abruptly, “yn, could I see ya outside really quick?” Despite his rough tone, everyone knew he was asking in the kindest way possible.

“Yeah, sure,” yn got up with a pout and made her way to the exit with Angry trailing her with a hand on her mid-back. She was confused as to why they went outside at such a fast pace, but she just assumed that Angry wanted peace and quiet away from the others. “So,” yn smiled at the younger twin, “what did you – why is your face angrier than usual?” She titled her head at the man but he was quick to grab her hand and guide her towards his bike.

“Hop on,” he straddled the seat and waited for her to do the same, “don’t worry, Draken texted me to take you back to me and Nahoya-nii’s shop. So… hurry up, please.” Souta stopped her right before she got on and placed a helmet on her head, “safety first because I’ll hurt you if you get hurt,” he said as he proceeded to adjust the straps enough to keep her safe and comfortable. “Get on, Princess,” he kicked up the kick stand and took off fast out the parking spot.

“So – uh,” yn spoke aloud as they arrived at a stop light, “why did nii-chan tell ya to take me to the shop… I wasn’t done eating.” She felt her stomach rumble and she pressed her cheek to Angry’s leather cladded shoulder blade and readjusted her grip on his waist as they began moving towards the backroads to get to the Kawata’s Ramen shop.

“I’ll make you a bowl when we get there,” he relaxed his upper body so yn wasn’t laying against hard muscles, “and we left because everyone kept staring at you.”

“Psh,” yn rolled her eyes, “they were staring because I am a strong, independent woman who managed to put a MAN in a headlock like a bad bi-.”

“Enough of your ‘bad bitch’ talk, I believe you, but I promise you that was not the reason.” Angry spoke through a breathy laugh, “the cook and the table in the corner was kept looking over you. Don’t you think it was weird how when they brought our orders out and Draken said your rice was missing an egg and the cook came out and apologized himself?”

Yn pondered on the question for a bit but then shook her head gently and nuzzled inbetween the center of Angrys’s back, “no, to be honest, I thought that the cook just hates when he messes up. It can’t be that deep, yanno? Oh! Maybe they mistook me as an idol?” She felts Angry’s laugh bubble from his chest to his shoulder blades; Souta’s laugh honestly made her feel like her jokes were genuinely funny to listen to.

“Hate to break it to you,” Angry brought the bike to a gentle stop as the arrived towards the ramen shop, “but you don’t present yourself as the ideal image of the idol you probably think you are.” Yn joined Souta in the small fits of laughter as she gently punched him in his side.

“Oh, shut up,” she let out a soft breath as she hopped off and carried the helmet with her as she made her way to the employee back door. “Open up, yeah? ‘M reeeeeally hungry.”

“Already ahead of you, ya dumb brat,” Angry bumped his hip gently against yn’s and unlocked the door and pushed her inside. They placed their helmets and jackets off in the staff room and made their way towards the kitchen where she sat at bar stools and Angry started up the stove to boil a few eggs and moved to chop up some green onions. “You want beef or chicken, idiot?”

“Sheesh, souta-kun, if ya wanted to marry me – just say that,” Yn teased as she propped her head onto her two hands, “your terms of endearment have been getting sweeter and sweeter by the minute~ but! I do want chicken please, been not feelin like eating cow and pigs lately.”

“Yer annoying,” angry threw a small, chopped onion at her, “in your dreams I’d marry you. Plus, I KNOW I’m not your type. You go for mechanics with burn marked boys that work with your brother -,”

“OKAY, NOT NEEDED,” Yn pressed her face to the counter, “asshole… He’s my type, but I’m not his. He’s like, Makima and I’m Denji… please tell me you understand that because it’s the best I got.”

“I understand it, and I just want to say that that is the most tragic thing I have heard from you in a while – oh, but back to the restaurant,” Angry said as he slid a small chocolate mochi from out the freezer and towards yn on a cute, small plate, “there was a customer who went into the back the second he heard that your order was wrong. I thought it was weird because what cook comes out that frightened when they get someone’s order wrong, but then your brother texted me saying that every man there had their eyes on you as if they were in charge of watching your every move. At first, Hakkai noticed some of the men sporting a ‘Bonten’ tattoo on their wrist, so we thought maybe they were after Mikey, but then Mitsuya texted us when he went to the bathroom that he heard some of the guys saying your name. Once that was said, Draken immediately told me to take you away from there… I do have a question for you though.” Angry began whipping up the ramen in the most tasteful way and side-eyeing the young ryuguji, “did you by chance get into it with a few Bonten member’s when you first got here? Is that why you’re all bandaged up?”

“Souta,” yn felt her heartbeat pick up but remained composed, “nothing happened with what ever ‘Bonten’ members… you know how weird some gangs are…”

“I trust you, brat,” Angry’s frown deepened once he noticed that the eggs were ready to be cut and the chicken was ready to be fried, “I just don’t want to lose another family member, okay? We babies have to stick together.” With that, he paid no mind to the situation, making a small mental note to tell Draken that one of the members there probably just thought yn was pretty. “Oh,” Souta looked back at yn, “one more thing.”

“Y-yeah, of course,” yn snapped her eyes to meet his gaze, nervous that he might have picked up on the fact that she lied about not coming into contact with any members when she first arrived, “what’s up stinky?”

“Just be careful,” Angry passed her a water bottle, “don’t trust anyone who isn’t in our toman family; especially not a Bonten member. He’ll take you in, manipulate you into believing you can’t live without him, and sell you off with no cares in the world. That is, if you’re lucky enough not to be killed in the middle of the street for entertainment.” Souta turned back around to finish up the ramen.

“Yeah,” yn felt a chill go down her back, “I’ll be careful… I promise.” She honestly didn’t know how to feel, after all, she just met with the man who presented her with an unrequited love, another man who made her heart yearn to lurk into the depths of the shadows, and someone whom she considered family just told her that one of those men would lead her onto a road of misfortune. Lost in her thoughts, she felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket. She pulled on it and felt her stomach drop as she was greeted with two notifications.

Draken bacon >:D : You okay kid? We’re heading to the restaurant right now, ‘m sure nothing was wrong – just wanted ya to be safe. me and inupi there in a bit, the other boys are getting stuff together for our dinner tonight. don’t annoy angry too much <3

Tani-senpai <3: why did you leave so soon pretty girl? Didn’t mean to alarm you, but I sent your picture to quite a few of my juniors and underlings, delinquents if you will – just wanted them to know not to touch what isn’t theirs. N e Wayz, I have time now, do you want to call now?

Were the gods telling her to remember her caring brother’s rules on men or to listen to faint voice of curiosity that lingered in her young and ignorant mind?

Previous Song | Playlist | Next Song

Taglist: @richiyo @haitanigigi @chifuyusprincess

ryozoro©

[morizoras-cave]

Knowing Yourself

Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie x Teen!Co-Star!Reader, Avengers cast x reader (Platonic, of course)

Genre: Angst, fluffy ending

Description: You’re a 15 year old member of the Avengers cast and you have a pixie cut and you’re slightly boyish. One day, you overhear Anthony and Sebastian telling the other cast members that they think you’re “probably a lesbian”. As a very innocent, young person, you feel weird about it, since you’re not one to think a lot about sex and who you “prefer”.

Warnings: insecurity, questioning of sexuality, joking about sexuality, stereotypes about lesbians, shame over sexuality

(A/N): This fic doesn’t end up confirming the reader’s sexuality, so you can read this whether you’re straight, bi, lesbian or anything else really :)

Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie and most of the Avengers cast were sitting down for lunch on the set of Avengers: Triple Execution. The newest installment of the series had introduced two new young characters, you and Melania. While you and her were off on your own shenanigans, the “old people” enjoyed salads and slander from the set.

“No way, you’ve read the script!” Chris Evans exclaimed when Tom Holland claimed that he had. Tom nodded enthusiastically and the actors all shook their heads in disbelief. 

“He’s bluffing,” said Robert as he grabbed the pepper from Scarlett. Tom admitted to defeat, finally admitting that he hadn’t, and that he just trying to pry information from the others. 

Past the table ran Melania and then you, laughing. “Give me the soda, you scum!” you yelled. The cast watched the two of you in amusement. 

“Don’t you two ever sit down and eat?” Paul Bettany called after you, causing giggles to erupt between the cast members. Nor you or Melania had time to answer since there was a heated fight over the Coca Cola. You both disappeared to somewhere else on set.

“Is it fun to work with Y/n?” Elizabeth asked Anthony and Sebastian, since they were working the closest with you. 

“Of course! She’s a doll.” Sebastian said, forking his salad rather aggressively. None of the cast members had noticed you, now triumphantly holding the Coca Cola, running to hide between some props right next to the actors’ table. You smiled at Sebastian’s words. 

“Actually, me and Sebastian have a bet with the Russo brothers,” Anthony explained. This peaked your interest and you listened closer. Either way, it was always a pleasure to listen Anthony tell a story. “They think she’s gonna turn out straight, so me and Seb betted that she’s lesbian.” The other actors laughed.

You froze. Lesbian? How could that be? Like with another woman? You knew that kind of stuff was normal, but you’d never thought of yourself doing it. You’d never even thought of sex with a boy, let alone a girl! Your cheeks heated up and your mood dampened in shame. 

“I mean.. You’re not wrong!” Jeremy mused. 

“Her short hair, her boyish style. That kid’s gonna be running after women in like a year!” Sebastian jumped in, and the cast laughed again. 

“And she’s also real close with Melania.” Anthony joked. You didn’t know why, but a small tear slid down your face. You didn’t hate lesbians or anything, you just felt weird and uncomfortable.

Speaking of the devil, Melania had apparently spotted you between the props and ran over, grabbing the Cola from your clenched fists. You just let her have it, and she ran off laughing loudly. The sound apparently shut up the cast, which filled you with rage. 

You stood up from among the props and marched past the large lunch table, to get to your trailer, looking down at the ground. Most of the cast could apparently easily see your tears, that were now falling freely. 

“Y/n-” Don began, but you kept walking, leaving the cast stunned. 

“She was crying, I think,” Scarlett whispered and the other actors nodded. Anthony and Sebastian were filled with a rotting guilt.

“We have to go talk to her..” Anthony said, standing up and leaving behind their unfinished sandwiches. 

Meanwhile, you had gotten to your trailer and locked the door. Then you’d thrown yourself at your bed and just lied there and cried. You didn’t know for how long, until suddenly someone knocked on your door. You stopped crying, wiping your tears quickly.

“Y/n?” Sebastian yelled, knocking once more. 

“What? Are you here to talk to me about my love affair with Melania?” You spat, hugging your knees to your chest. You felt horrible about yelling at the two. You considered them your big brothers. 

Should you have considered them hot or attractive? Should you be having crushes on them? What if they were right? So many thoughts filled your head, things you weren’t at all ready to think about.

“We would like to apologize.. Can you please open up, N/n?” Anthony asked. You could hear the regret in their voices. You didn’t want things to be wrong between you guys. Besides, you thought, it was probably your own fault for not thinking about that stuff. I mean, you were fifteen! How hadn’t you thought about sex like everyone else your age? How could you be so naive?

You hesitantly got up and opened the door. You were instantly met with the apologetic faces of Anthony and Sebastian. They looked sad already, but you watched their expressions worsen, when they saw your red and puffy eyes. 

Both of them instantly embraced you, and closed the door. You sniffled, attempting not to cry again. You pulled away and sat down on the floor of the trailer. Anthony and Sebastian exchanged glances, shrugged and then sat down next to you. 

“Y/n.. We were wrong to say those things about you in there-” Anthony began, trying to meet your eye, but you only looked into your lap. 

“No,” you interrupted, “It’s my own fault for being so sensitive about it. If I just.. If I just thought a little bit more about.. You know..” 

“Oh, darling, no,” Sebastian voice was full emotion, as he pulled you into a hug, caressing your back. Anthony watched quietly, putting a hand on your shoulder. 

“No, we were wrong, Y/n.. It was way out of line to make those assumptions about you, just from your appearance. We won’t do it again. You’re perfect just the way you are, you don’t need to start thinking about those nasty things.” Sebastian whispered calmingly. You gently pushed him away, still too shy to look at the two.

“Yeah, but.. I mean, shouldn’t I be considering these things? It just feels so weird that.. Such a basic part of who am I is something I haven’t taken any thought to. And the fact that you guys have a guess about it makes it even worse.. I should just figure it out now.” You poured your heart out, which was something you weren’t used. Telling others when you were troubled was way out of your comfort zone. 

“No, no, no. You do not need to figure any of that out! Besides, that could take years! You don’t need to force any uncomfortable thoughts on yourself to be able to label yourself for others.” Anthony said, and finally you met their eyes with a half smile. 

“There’s our doll!” Sebastian exclaimed and you hugged them both again. 

“Thank you.” you said into their chests as the three of you sat together on the floor. You felt alright. You knew now that you didn’t need to have yourself in check at such a young age. You were still discovering, and you were doing it at your pace. 

[maraudersandlily20]

ok dorcas and marlene as chaotic professors at the same university? could be an AU, could just be Hogwarts

As told in Text Conversations: 

Groupchat: Picasso is a Bitch 

Dorcas: New Teacher alert.

Lily: Department?

Dorcas: Engineering

Remus: Sounds hot

Dorcas: shut up immediately.

Remus: you’re not my mom

Lily: M or F

Dorcas: F

Remus: Dammit

Lily: seem nice?

Dorcas: idk. I didn’t get the chance to actually talk to her. It was more like a moment in passing. She was surrounded by guys, though

Remus: what a lesbian move

Lily: how… how is that even a thing?

Remus: Lils, are you dumb? If girls ONLY hang out with guys, chances are they’re butch. Or they know they aren’t attracted to guys and are wild as fuck and have nothing to lose. They have no one to impress, really. Those are the only two options.

Dorcas: Jesus

Remus: No, I’m sure he wasn’t there

Dorcas: I have to leave this conversation before I physically kill Remus Lupin. Talk to you both later.

Lily: Lunch in our usual spot?

Remus: Tell me if you see the Lesbian again.

Remus: Also, where the fuck is Alice?

---

Groupchat: The Walking Dead

Sirius: Well lads, I dropped off the love of our lives at school. Felt like a proud parent. Almost cried.

Marlene: You are aware that I know how to make explosives from scratch right? I’ve been aching to do it for a while, so you wanna keep doing this? Is this happening?

James: I need him, though. We’re gonna get married eventually. So no. You are not allowed to blow him up

Marlene: Fuck

Peter: How's the new campus? 

Marlene: Small. I mean, it’s a lot smaller of a university, harder to get into and all that. But still. For a place that boasts a great deal of wealth, they certainly don’t show it in building size. 

Sirius: That’s how you know they have money. They have nothing to prove. Classic rich people move.

Peter: You should know.

James: Did you get settled though, Mars? 

Marlene: Enough. I still have to set up the lecture hall to my liking, but it’s nice to have an office that will probably be permanent. And I saw your door just a few down from mine, Jamie boy! Sirius: I should have become a professor. I feel left out. I hate being left out.

Peter: You have the right degree, Paddy. You could be a professor if you wanted.

Sirius: Desk jobs are gross. No thank you. Also, children.

Marlene: It’s not a desk job. And, like, these children are basically full grown adults.

Sirius: Physically, maybe. But I remember what we were like at their age. Mentally, they belong in daycare. 

James: You’re just bitter because those college boys outdrank you the other night.

Sirius: THEY FUCKING CHEATED!

Peter: They didn’t though

James: Whatever you say, Pads.

Marlene: Also, I just saw a very beautiful woman. Will keep you updated if I see her again.

Sirius: WHY ARE YOU ONLY SAYING THIS NOW?!?!

---

Groupchat: Picasso Is a Bitch name changed to Hamlet, that’s fucking gay

Remus: Any sign of the lesbian?

Dorcas: No. 

Alice: What? What Lesbian?

Lily: Oh, while you were sick, Dorcas saw a very pretty girl. Remus thinks she’s a lesbian.

Alice: Ooh, that’s fun! 

Remus: I don’t THINK Lily, I know. 

Dorcas: You haven’t even seen her

Remus: Irrelevant. 

Lily: Do you guys know if Potter is back?

Alice: I saw him this morning. He was getting coffee.

Remus: I love that man so much. He’s so beautiful I could literally cry. With that hot caramel skin and that wild hair and how he always smells like some weird spice. I want him to be the father of my children.

Lily: Don’t encourage him.

Remus: He’s not even here.

Lily: He can sense your enthusiasm. So shhhhh

Alice: Do we still not like him?

Lily: No.

Dorcas: You know it was an accident, Lils. 

Lily: You don’t know that. And I don’t know that. And who in their RIGHT MIND asks someone out after they’ve pushed them into a fountain? Like, the audacity?!

Remus: At least he’s authentic

Lily: Yeah, an authentic bitch. 

Alice: Lol.

Alice: I’m honestly really interested in this Lesbian situation, though. Can we get back to that?

Remus: She’s in the engineering department. So if your cute little math loving butt just wanted to wander over there…

Alice: I’m on my way. 

Dorcas: Why are we friends? You’re joking, right? Please tell me you’re joking.

Dorcas: ALICE

Lily: They’re doing it out of love.

Dorcas: Well their idea of love is something I am not interested in. 

Alice: Blonde?

Dorcas: Fuck.

Remus: Is she blonde, Dorcs?

Remus: IS SHE?!

Dorcas: Yeah.

Alice: Marlene McKinnon. Blonde, blue eyed, I’d say 5”8, 5”9. Masters in Engineering. Very nice.

Remus: Alice, I fucking love you

---

Groupchat: The Walking Dead changed to Update, I’m still gay

Sirius: Why the name change?

Marlene: Needed to get your attention

James: But like… with that?

Marlene: It fucking worked, didn’t it?

Peter: What happened?

Marlene: I saw that beautiful woman again. And I was right. She was beautiful.

Sirius: Sounds riveting.

Marlene: I told you I’d keep you updated, and I am. Stop being ungrateful.

Sirius: Yes commander

James: Who was it?

Marlene: Don’t know. Short, black, curly hair?

James: Where did you see her?

Marlene: She was getting a plate of spaghetti in the Canteen.

James: Hm……….. 

Sirius: James doesn’t know anyone because he’s too busy mooning over Evans.

James: I am so much stronger than you. Do not come for me right now

Peter: Sirius, you have an appointment here, come down.

Sirius: Fuck. 

James: Peter, you know you can just text him personally, right?

Peter: I can’t shame him publicly if I only text him. 

Marlene: Facts.

James: Did you talk to her?

Marlene: Nah, she was with people. I wanted to though. She seems lovely. 

James: Lovely? Who are you and what have you done with Marlene McKinnon.

Marlene: She’s dead now. I’ve inhabited her body. 

Sirius: Thank god, she was a bitch.

Peter: SIRIUS

James: I’ll keep an eye out for her. Let me know if you want me to scout it out.

Marlene: Okay, James Bond

---

Groupchat: Hamlet, that’s fucking gay changed to Dorcas McKinnon has a nice ring to it

Dorcas: Remus, stop changing the group chat name. I know where you live.

Remus: We live with each other.

Dorcas: Exactly.

Lily: Are there lesbian updates????

Remus: I met her. She was wandering around, looking for a pop machine. 

Alice: Yay! I love Lesbian updates

Remus: Good news: she’s funny. Like, super funny.

Lily: Saying good news like that often means there is bad news to follow

Remus: She’s uh… friends with Potter.

Dorcas: Uh-oh.

Alice: Oh no.

Lily: I’m really sorry that you have to eternally break up with this woman, Dorky. Because NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. ANYONE who is friends with James Potter is not worth knowing.

Alice: That’s pretty judgemental, lils.

Lily: .... And?

Remus: Luckily, you don’t have to date her.

Dorcas: No one is dating ANYONE. Jesus, you guys. Chill out about this whole thing

Remus: I don’t think that’s physically possible. 

Dorcas: Can we talk about anything else?

Alice: Frank is taking me out for sushi tonight. 

Remus: I would marry Frank in five seconds, if he’d let me

Alice: I’ll let him know. 

Remus: Thank you, I appreciate it.

---

Groupchat: Update, I’m still gay changed to Emotionally Unavailable Idiots

Sirius: I have met the love of my life.

Marlene: Stop being dramatic

Sirius: Excuse me? EXCUSE ME? He quoted the Princess Bride with me. Word for Word? Marlene, I must marry this man. WHO IS HE?

Peter: Why do I keep missing all of the fun stuff?

James: The fun stuff is watching Sirius gay panic over a stranger?

Peter: Yeah. Obvs.

Marlene: He’s the lit professor.

James: Lupin?

Marlene: I think so, yeah. 

Sirius: An english nerd. Perfect. He can read me poetry while I give people tattoos. We’ll make millions. 

Marlene: I think… he wants to be my friend. He’s come around a few times. He even brought me coffee once, with a croissant. I didn’t know people were so nice to strangers. Am I in a hallmark film?

Peter: It’s cause you're such a catch, Mars. 

Marlene: I will shove that “catch” up your ass, Pettigrew, if you don’t stop being stupid.

James: Impossible. Stupidity is Peter’s middle name. 

Sirius: Yeah Peter Marcus Stupidity Pettigrew.

Peter: My middle name isn’t Marcus.

Sirius: Wait really?

Peter: No?

Sirius: Why the fuck did I think it was Marcus?

James: I think Lupin is bi, Sirius. So…

Sirius: James, you are the other love of my life. I will kiss you when you get home. You provide me with the most valuable information and attention. I can never truly repay you.

James: Finally. Getting the recognition I deserve. Can’t wait.

Sirius: Marlene, please. Be his friend, I am begging you. I will give you our first born child.

Marlene: Pass.

---

Groupchat: Dorcas McKinnon has a nice ring to it changed to I won’t hesitate bitch

Alice: Marlene is so nice

Lily: You’re all traitors. She’s friends with the enEMY

Dorcas: I thought Remus was supposed to be the dramatic one

Remus: I’ll take that as a compliment

Dorcas: Whatever helps you sleep at night. 

Alice: Seriously though. She’s so nice. A lot of my students have her and they’ve been gushing. Apparently she’s one of the best professors some of them have ever had.

Remus: Damn. High praise. 

Lily: Still skeptical

Alice: She asked about you, Dori. 

Dorcas: wait, what?

Remus: ALICE SAY MORE RIGHT NOW?!?!

Alice: She said she had noticed that you and I are close and she wanted to know about you. What your name is, what you teach, how long you’ve been working here, if you were single.

Dorcas: She did not ask that.

Remus: Dorcas, shut up forever. Alice is talking. Alice, my love, please continue. 

Alice: I may have invited her to eat lunch with us.

Dorcas: Uh…

Lily: You did what?

Alice: She’s new, Lily. I’m trying to help her make friends.

Lily: You did it, didn’t you. 

Alice: ummm

Lily: YOU TOLD HER SHE COULD BRING JAMES POTTER, DIDN’T YOU

Alice: He’s her friend. I couldn’t exclude him.

Lily: I never thought this would happen to me. To be betrayed so thoroughly by my own friends. I don’t even have the words. 

Alice: Who knows, it might be fun?

Remus: I’m so excited I could burst

Dorcas: Is it legal to drink on campus in the middle of the day?

Remus: Unfortunately not. Trust me, I’ve tried.

---

Marlene McKinnon to Dorcas Meadowes

Marlene: It was nice of all of you to invite me to lunch. I know it was probably awkward for all of you to have to spend time with a stranger. But I really appreciated it. 

Dorcas: No problem. You’re always welcome.

Marlene: Maybe… we could go get something to eat off campus sometime?

Dorcas: Yeah, of course. We go to the bar on Wright all the time.

Marlene: Oh, I meant like… just you and me. Actually.

Dorcas: Oh.

Marlene: Yeah. Did I guess wrong?

Dorcas: Guess wrong?

Marlene: About you being into women?

Dorcas: Ohhhh…

Marlene: ??

Dorcas: What did you have in mind? For our date?

Marlene: Wait, is that a yes?

Dorcas: I expect like, first class treatment, because I’ve seen you in action now. Anyone who can wrangle James Potter like that is someone who deserves knowing. So yeah. It’s a yes.

Marlene: Yay! Okay, you won’t regret it!

Marlene: Also, my friend is in love with Lupin.

Dorcas: wait, James? 

Marlene: Lol. Nah, James is still hung up on Lily. She’s wonderful, by the way. Tell her I’m grateful she was so kind. I know about what James did last year, so I can understand her bitterness. Fucking funny, though, to see it in person.

Marlene: It’s my other friend, Sirius. He owns the tattoo parlor, Cannis Major, on Levi. 

Dorcas: Hmm. Well, let me know what I can do. I’m sure we can get them in the same room at some point.

Marlene: Are you offering to meddle in people’s lives?

Dorcas: Is that okay?

Marlene: Dorcas Meadowes, I’m pretty sure I’m already halfway in love with you. 

Dorcas: Thank god. 

--------------------

This has been in my ask box for literal months. I’m sorry @tonftyhw !! I had finals and stress and I don’t know how to write. I hope this makes you smile though.

Clarifier for who teaches what if anyone is interested:

Lily-History

Remus-Literature

Dorcas-Art (painting)

Alice-Math

James-Chemistry

Marlene-Engineering/Physics

Sirius owns a tattoo shop because I will die for that AU every time. And Peter works with him, kind of like the brains of the business.

Should I write more of this? It was so fun lol 

[fbfh]

hey, sailor - leo x daughter of poseidon

genre: a little bit of angst, a little bit of fluff, a lot of mermaids lol

word count: 2.4k

au: none really, you have mermaid powers as a daughter of poseidon if that counts lmao

pairing: Leo x Daughter of Poseidon

requested: yeeyee !! hope u enjoy xoxo

warnings: uh brief mention of your step dad leaving when you were younger, an interaction with your best friend doesn’t go as planned, percy’s grappling with rlly complicated feelings towards his dad and new sister 

summary: Percy, Annabeth, and Leo all get a little more than they bargained for when they bring Percy’s half sister back to camp Halfblood, and Leo remembers why he had such a huge crush on Ariel growing up. 

reccomended songs: hurricane drunk - florence + the machine, sinkin’ in - cody simpson, deep sea ambiance

a/n: as soon as i got this request my dormant mermaid phase woke up from a sound sleep 

requests r open uwu

"...And you know what he said to me? He says, 'kid, I think it's time you met your sister'. I have a freaking sister, and that two timing piece harpy sh-"

"Okay, Percy, why don't you cool off a little before we leave. Come on, we'll grab a drink or something while Leo finishes getting ready." 

Annabeth takes her boyfriend's hand, and leads him to the nearest drink cooler. Leo turns back to the car they're going to take, and continues loading in the rest of the supplies. He, for one, is excited to meet Percy’s sister. His first thought was ‘hope she’s hot’, which he blurted out before he could stop himself, and was met with a killer glare from both of them. He’s not trying to be insensitive, finding out you have siblings you didn’t know about is kind of traumatic. I mean, hey, Leo’s family went from zero to sixty in one day - literally. Okay, not quite sixty, but only child to one of eight is still a pretty big jump. 

A little while later, they’re ready to go. Leo offers to drive, so Percy and Annabeth can sit in back and try to sort out Percy’s feelings. After a couple hours of driving and emotional conversations, most of which Leo just listened to - Annabeth seemed to have a good hold on this, and Leo didn’t want to overstep his bounds again - they arrived in Cape Cod. At this point, the gist seems to be that Percy knows if he should be mad at anyone, it’s his dad. They park in the driveway of the address Chiron gave them. They get out of the car, and look up at the house. It’s gray with white trimming, two or three stories, with a balcony porch on the upper floor - a normal, small town New England house, as far as they could tell. They seemed to take a collective breath, and approached the door. 

You’re breathing fast, trying to hold back the floodgates of emotion, when your bare feet hit the sand. You drop your bag, taking in the familiar, secluded stretch of the Cape. A big wall of jagged rocks to your left separates this part of the beach from the others. The old wooden stairs and their faded white paint that connected the low cliff to the sand below are hidden by plant life, so most people don’t even know this area existes. You’ve been coming here regularly since you were nine or ten. So many important parts of your life happened on these shores. You could just tell your mom ‘I’m going to my beach’, and she’d know right where you are. You finish pulling off your shorts and rush towards the water in your swimsuit. You’re met with immediate relief as soon as the water touches your skin. If it was possible to have an emotional support location, you did. 

You feel it happen as soon as you’re waist deep. Bubbles and sea foam collect around you from the hips down and your legs get tingly and numb. A moment later, it dissipates, leaving behind a life sized mermaid tail. It changes slightly with most transformations, usually based on your mood and desired appearance, and you’ve noticed over the years you can change how it looks more easily. You don’t care today, you just need to be in the water. This time it’s a big tropical fish tail, its purple, blue, and shimmery gray tones reflecting both your mood and the impending storm clouds rolling in. You dip below the surface, and let the tide carry you a little ways. You don’t worry about getting lost, you somehow always know where you are at sea. You don’t have gills that you can find, but you can definitely breathe underwater. 

You finally sink to the bottom, and stare up at the surface of the water. The patterns of light remind you of the night light you had as a child. 

Your mom had ensured you were comfortable with water and ocean life for as long as you could remember. She must know other people like you, because sometimes she would have long phone conversations with someone called the Director. You were pretty sure he had a weird name that started with a K or C, but you could never remember. He’s apparently sending someone to bring you to a ‘safe place’ today. It sounds like bullshit to you, but you trust your mom, and your mom trusts the Director. Since you might not be back for a while, she said you could finally tell your best friend Wes the truth. 

‘Oh god,’ you think, wishing the salt water would erase your memories of what happened today, but you can’t stop the onslaught of memories. Wes has been your best friend for years. You helped him when he realized he’s bi, he helped you when your step dad left, you could trust him with anything. Or so you thought. ‘It’s not his fault,’ you remind yourself, trying futilely to stop reliving what happened hours earlier. 

You brought him to your part of the beach to go swimming so you could show him. You can still hear his voice, asking if you’re sure you want to go in the ocean, you’ve always been afraid of water. Once you’d worked up the nerves to get in the water and transform, you showed him your tail. Your heart broke again every time you remembered what he had said. 

“That is... incredible,” your heart had soared, there was hope, “I can’t believe you got one of those silicone swimming tails just to prank me!” Ah, there it was. The other shoe. You tried to tell him it was real, but he said he could see the mold lines, and there the scales don’t quite line up, and there’s the edge of the zipper. You wanted to cry. 

“I’m not gonna lie, you almost had me for a second. I can’t believe you learned to swim just to prank me, but whatever works, dude,” he laughed like you were having a good time together. It was too much.

You let out a huge underwater scream, and thunder rumbles in the distance. You sink further down, wishing once again that the salt and algae would erode your memories from today. 

Annabeth knocks on the door for the third time. Thankfully, it opens to a middle aged woman in a shirt that said Brooklyn Nine Nine.

“Hello, what can I help you with?” she asks. She has a strong presence, and none of them want to be on her bad side. Percy is still too nervous, and Leo seems to be analyzing wires poking out of the doorbell, so Annabeth introduces themselves, and asks where you are. 

“Who wants to know?” she asks. 

“We’re her internet friends, we’re surprising her by visiting a day early.” Annabeth replies. The woman doesn’t seem convinced. She smiles, seeming to see right through them. 

“Are you from camp?” The shock on their faces gives her all the answer she needs. She smiles, and continues, “She’s down at the Cape, the quiet part past the rocks.” They thank her, but before they can leave she says, “Hey.” She looks at each of them intensely. 

“Make sure she gets there safely. Take care of her.” They agree solemnly, and head down the sidewalk. 

“And tell Chiron I say hi.” she says with a smile. They smile back, agreeing again. 

They get to the Cape, and it’s full of people. 

“Shouldn’t be any harder than a Where’s Waldo,” Leo says. Percy’s head snaps to the right, and thunder rumbles. 

“Did you hear that?” he asks. 

“The thunder? Yeah,” Annabeth says.

“No, no.. someone screaming.” 

“I don’t-” 

“This way,” he takes off towards a pile of jagged rocks. They manage to get over with only a few scrapes and Percy surveys the empty beach. 

“She’s here… She’s here somewhere,” he mutters to himself. The dark clouds part for a moment, and Annabeth points out to the water. Someone was there, pretty far out to sea. She could just make out their shoulders and head above the water. 

“Gods, Percy, can you get her to shore?” 

“Ah ah ah, uncle Leo’s got this one,” Leo pulls something out of his backpack. It’s bronze, and the size and shape of a deflated soccer ball. He throws it into the water. It starts to sink, then expands into a small bronze and wood speed boat. Percy and Annabeth’s jaws drop. He hops in, revving the engine to life.  They sail out over the water, Percy directing them around currents and waves. They can see the figure clearly now, and they’re sure it’s you. You’re looking away from them, out towards the darkening sky. The boat starts to slow down, and makes a whining noise. Their eyes dart to Leo.

“It’s probably just a sticky piston,” white smoke leaks from the engine, “... and I should check the coolant, too.” He opens up a panel, and starts to tweak a couple things. He sits on the edge of the boat to get a better angle, and reaches into his tool belt. He pulls out a wrench, and almost in slow motion, feels it slip between his finger tips, and into the water with a light plip.

“Shit!” He covers his mouth, worried he scared you off. Three heads turn to where you were a moment ago. Gone. He feels that familiar shameful heat creep into his stomach and cheeks. 

“Sorry guys, I-” 

“You dropped this,” He looks into the water, and you’re right next to the boat, handing him the wrench. 

“...Thanks,” he says, his heart speeding up. Your hair is wet and beads of water glisten on your skin. Your red bikini top sure isn’t doing anything to slow his racing pulse, either. Your hands brush as he takes the tool from you. You smile, and the clouds part - literally. A beam of golden sun shines behind you, making you glow. His heart is in his throat, and he knows he’s probably grinning and blushing like an idiot. 

Percy stares at your head, poking up over the side of the boat. Your hair is dyed shades of blue and teal and seafoam that blend right in with the water, but your roots are dark. He takes in your freckles, your tan lines, and your eyes… they look like part of the sea - shells, or waves, or something. He watches as Leo takes the tool, and a smile appears at the side of your mouth - the same smile he’s seen in the mirror, the same smile he’s seen on his dad. He sees all these familiar traits and knows it’s true, you’re his sister. The realization hits him like a truck, and he’s suddenly choked up. Annabeth sees this, and places a hand on his shoulder. She looks between Percy and an infatuated Leo, and takes the reins for the whole ‘the gods are real’ speech. 

“Hi,” she says, giving Percy’s hand a squeeze, “I’m Annabeth, this is Percy, and Leo. We were sent here to take you to a safe place for kids like us-”

“Ohmygod, finally,” the tension leaves your shoulders and you sigh in relief, “you have no idea how hard it’s been keeping all of this a secret, trying to be normal…” You push yourself up the side of the boat Ariel style, and pull yourself in, the edge of your tail draped slightly off the boat as you continue, “I seriously thought I was losing it for a while…” you trail off, watching them stare at your tail. 

“You’re not… you’re not merfolk, are you?” The confusion on their faces says it all. Panic rises in your chest as you start to dive off the boat. Before you can, Leo grabs your hand.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. We all have weird powers, it’s part of being a demigod.” He shows you his free hand, and flames suddenly dance across his palm. Part of your fear is replaced with confusion. 

“A what?” you ask. 

“A demigod.” you look over at Percy, who’s speaking since the first time since you’ve met him, “Our dad is Poseidon, god of the sea.” You scrunch your eyebrows, processing what he said. Annabeth smiles at the gesture, having seen her boyfriend do it a thousand times. 

“Wait… our?” He takes in a breath.

“I’m Percy, your brother.” 

The ride back to shore is a little awkward, to say the least. They had finished explaining about camp and the gods and monsters a few minutes ago, and it’s been pretty much silent since. Annabeth sits next to you, and hands you a water bottle. 

“He just needs some time,” she tells you quietly, “Poseidon’s not really supposed to have children, and Percy got a hard time for it when he was younger. He also… he thought his dad was really in love with his mom, so finding out he has a sister so close in age…” You nod in understanding. She pats you on the shoulder, and sits next to Percy at the back of the boat. You scooch up a little closer to Leo as gracefully as you can, which isn’t much, considering you have to drag along an almost 60 pound fish tail. Leo looks over at you from the controls. 

“Weird day, huh?” he asks. 

“Yeah…” 

“So how long does it take to, uh,” he nods down and you flick your tail, “de-fishify?”

You laugh. 

“Once I’m dry,” you look up at the summer sun reemerging, a little surprised that it hadn’t stormed. Then again, if children of Poseidon really could make sea storms, it made sense that it had died down now that you and Percy were feeling better. 

“which shouldn’t take long.” you finish. You look over at Percy, who’s having a quiet intense conversation with Annabeth. 

“He knows I didn’t ask for this, right?” Leo looks back at them.

“He does,” he replies. 

“It’s so surreal finding out I have a sibling I knew nothing about,” you mutter, mostly to yourself.

“Try finding out you have seven,” he laughs, shaking his head at the memory.

“Seven?!” your head snaps up to him. 

“Oh yeah,” he tells you the story of when he first came to camp, and you feel so much better already. Leo has such a comforting presence, the pain from all your problems softens a little just hearing him talk. You have a feeling you’re going to get a lot closer.

Little did you know, the feeling was mutual - and correct.

[sunset-bobby]

Title: You Mean the Holograms

Summary: Julie invites Carrie over to tell her the truth about her band, and maybe her dad, but what if she already knows

Word Count: 1886

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27822940

If there was one thing Carrie Wilson was good at, it was acting as if she was not aware of things. People often assume because she is the daughter of Trevor Wilson and shallow, which she is sometimes and is working on it, that she is not in tune with what’s going on in other people’s lives, but she is. So, when Julie texted her to come over saying she ‘needed to tell her something’. Carrie had a pretty good idea of what she was getting herself into. After all her dad is Trevor Wilson, and well he’s a terrible liar no matter how hard he tries. So that is how she found herself at Julie’s studio on a Saturday afternoon sitting on a chair, with Julie pacing in front of her nervously.

“Okay, so I called you here to introduce you to my band,” Julie stated and Carrie nodded along.

“The holograms?” she asked her in a false tone that made Julie believe she was clueless.

“That’s the thing. They aren’t actually holograms,” she paused and Carrie looked at her in anticipation., “ They’re ghosts.” Carrie gave her a look that was a mix of disbelief and confusion, but before she could say anything Julie cut her off.

“Before you say anything, let me show you,” and she heads off to the piano. Now Carrie can’t actually see the ghost, but she is already aware of their existence, so she sends a small smirk to the air and hopes one of them is catching on and finds this as amusing as she is. However if what she already knows about them is true the one most likely to catch on, is freaking out. Julie plays a piano riff that Carrie is familiar with before a faint whooshing sound comes in and before stands the face of 3 teenage boys that she is secretly very familiar with. Julie stops playing and the boys as well. Something new Carrie was not ready for. Point ghost.

“The new abilities are hard to explain as of right now, but they can now be seen after we play as well,” Julie explains and Carrie nods along once more.

“Okay, so Care this is-,” but Carrie takes the opportunity to expose her own secrets now.

“Luke, Reggie, and Alex. Formally of the early 90s rock band Sunset Curve, currently of the up and coming band Julie and the Phantoms,” she says and her tone is dripping with that false innocence she uses to really push certain statements over the edge, and from the looks on both the boys and Julie’s face it seems she has. The blonde one, Alex, is the first to speak.

“H-how does she know that?” he looks around at his shocked friends before looking back at her, “how do you know tha?” She smiles, not fully she doesn’t want it to seem like she’s finding amusement in his obvious sense of panic, but just enough to where they know she’s planned this.

“Did you ask your dad about it?” Reggie, the bassist, asked recovering next, and Carrie decided to add some more to the drama.

“My dad? Why would he be involved in this?” Her smile has dropped giving the illusion that she is serious about her confusion. The boys and Julie blubber out multiple excuses to each other trying to come up with the same story, and she lets them for a while, before cracking. A laugh escapes her lips drawing their attention back to her.

“I’m joking, no my dad told me everything,” she says in between laughs, but the others just continue to stare.

“So you already know everything?” Luke asks and there is a slight emphasis in his voice that makes her realize he is asking for something specific, and she knows what it is, but she isn’t going to let that out just yet.

“Oh do you mean how Alex likes to join me for Dirty Candi performances?”

“How did-”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve walked through you and that chill is pretty hard to miss,” she answers, interrupting Alex’s question. She looks over at Luke and his face is hard to read, but he’s definitely riled up.

“Or are you talking about if I know that you’re connected to Julie because of her mom, whom you met 20 mins prior to your, um….” she trailed off, she didn’t know if their passings were a sensitive topic or not.

“Wait, really?” Julie asked, and Carrie was not aware that she did not know.

“Um, yeah it’s how our parents met. However they didn’t become friends until your mom picked my sobbing dad up off of the streets of Sunset Boulevard, or at least that what he said,” she said nonchalantly. This topic was something her dad discussed multiple times. He was very open with his experience with grief, although she thinks it’s because Dr.Crystal advises him too. She takes another look at Luke, and by now she thinks he can tell she’s avoided the topic purposely. She sighs as he opens his mouth to speak, and talks before him.

“Fine. I know you want know if I am aware that the songs on my dad’s first two albums are Sunset Curves, that he didn’t credit you, and is legally not allowed to discuss it with anyone who doesn’t already know, because somehow his dumb 21 year old self didn’t know how to read through a contract,” she told him exasperated, but was shocked when she did not get an immediate response from the boy in return. Then again none of the others said anything either.

“Oh, you didn’t know about that detail did you?”

“No,” Luke said quietly, “no we did not.”

“Carrie if you knew all of this why didn’t you tell me. At least about the music part when we were friends?” Julie asked, and Carrie did not realize how this would look to her.

“I didn’t know until middle school, and I thought you knew too. I figured your mom was going to tell you.”

“I didn’t know she knew.”

“I’m sorry Juls. Maybe it was for a good reason. I only found out on accident,” Carrie offered and Julie nodded.

“Is there anything else you might know?” Reggie asked her, but the answer was a little iffy. She knew a lot of things thanks to her dad’s shrine to them, which she still finds weird despite the fact he’s also in the pictures.

“Maybe you should just ask me questions, and I can see what I can answer,” she suggested and they nodded. Alex started.

“Do you know anything about our families?”

“Some things, yes. Uh how sensitive is this topic though?” she wanted to make sure she covered all of her bases before continuing.

“It’s relatively sensitive, but we wanna know,” was all she got in response.

“Um okay, well despite the fact he did not credit you guys, my dad still gave money to your families, or at least those who deserved it. I don’t know much about your family, I’m sorry Reggie.”

“It’s okay,” he said, but she had a feeling it wasn’t. She did not want to over step.

“What about me?” Luke asked, “I know Julie and I saw my parents a couple weeks ago, and I try to visit them often, but I-,”

“You know,” she started cutting him off, “Ms. Emily is always telling my dad it does not do well to keep replaying your mistakes.”

“You’ve met my mom?”

“Yeah I saw her earlier in the month with my dad. We were continuing a tradition he and Julie’s mom started,” she explained.

“What tradition?”

“They bring her flowers on special occasions. I think it was a birthday or something. He’s never gone alone before. If Rose couldn’t go, he’d send them by mail, but he says that anniversaries are hard. I think that’s why he took me too.”

“Oh.”

“ Hey, I don’t know your story, but I don’t believe you should keep blaming yourself.”

“I’m not.”

“You are, I am very familiar with that look.”

“What about my family?” Alex asked, however his situation was a little different, and Carrie was not sure when the right time would come again.

“My dad doesn’t really like to talk to all of them. Mainly just my mom, but-”

“Mom!” Alex exclaimed, cutting her off.

“Yeah, my mom is Alyssa Da-”

“LYSSA, she’s like 10 years younger than him. I can’t believe he…” The boys looked at one another in disgust, but Carrie and Julie, just bubbled with laughter, causing the disgusted looks to turn into confused ones.

“What’s happening. Why are you laughing at the fact that Bobby defiled Alex’s little sister?” Luke asked.

“Okay, can we not say it like that,” Alex grimaced.

“Alex, don’t worry, he didn’t do anything with your sister,” Julie stated.

“Yeah, despite the small resemblances, he isn’t my biological dad,” she added.

“Then why-”

“She had me when she was 16, but instead of putting me up for adoption, she gave me to my dad. I don’t really know everything, but my dad told me when I was 7.” Alex nodded.

“Okay, but earlier you were laughing?” he asked, and Julie giggled beside her.

“Because I’m pretty sure we both thought of the same response,” Julie answered, and looked at Carrie.

“He says it whenever anyone asks about his relationship status in interviews,” Carrie also added.

“ Honey, I haven’t touched a woman since 1999,” they both quoted in sync before breaking out in a fit of laughter once more.

“Bobby is gay?!” all three boys shouted.

“Bi actually,” Julie corrected.

“With a preference for men...guitar players specifically,” Carrie continued.

“Not that any of them last very long according to tabloids,” Julie said aimlessly.

“Yeah, well you know dad is always picky. Apparently he has this thing where they have to match his talent,” Carrie said and she and Julie looked at one another again silently confirming if they were thinking the same thing, before turning back to the boys who were flickering.

“I guess this is our goodbye,” Reggie joked and Carrie cracked a smile.

“For now,” she added.

“Do you think you can come back? Tell us more about your dad and what we missed?” Luke asked, and she shook her head yes.

“Yeah, or you guys could come to mine and I can show you my dad’s Sunset Curve room that he likes to cry in sometimes.” That didn’t really get the laughs she thought it would, and she scolded herself for not remembering that joking about trauma was a Wilson thing, but the boys were gone before she could even back track, so she turned to Julie.

“Well I know they’re still here, but I drove myself so if you wanna hang out I could stick around,” she suggested, and Julie smiled.

“Yeah, I’d like that. Besides I think we have some things to talk about.” She led her out of the studio and Carrie happily followed, knowing that there were most likely three teenage ghosts following her. So yes, sometimes she does pretend to be clueless, because she likes being underestimated, but sometimes it’s good to show all of her strengths, because you might be able to mend a couple of friendships.

[sapphicmsmarvel]

JJ: Dear Sister

TW: drug abuse, mentions of depression and anxiety and mentions of sexual assault. Under the cut. 

im really proud of this one, I actually created a story! like with a plot and motive, I really like it! 

Being in the BAU and being away from your family was both a blessing and a curse, you were away from your mom and dad, your hometown and hometown friends. But the plus was, you were away from your sister. 

Your half-sister was a full on piece of shit, now she wasn’t a piece of shit because she’s an addict (which is what most people assume when you say you don’t like your sister because then they find out she’s an addict and are like “well she needs your support”). Being an addict does not make her a shitty person because you know it’s a mental illness and these people need help.

Your sister is just a piece of shit, because her personality sucks. Not because of the drugs. 

(a little author's note because I have Anxiety, addicts deserve all the help they can get and should never be put down for their mental illness. This sister just sucks, she is not a bad human being because of her being addicted to drugs. Okay continue)

You sister, Molly, used your father for his money to the point where even you had to intervene. She abandoned her kids to run off with some guy then had your dad come get her out of trouble, she has been arrested multiple times. She never takes responsibility for her actions and blames everyone else.

Part of recovery is taking responsibility and righting your wrongs. She on the other hand makes the wrongs worse by acting like a child when she is 30 years old.  

So to escape her nagging and just the horrible mental space you get in whenever she’s around, you moved out to D.C. You went to the FBI academy, went back home to celebrate (which she didn’t come to when she was invited) and then you went back to work at Quantico. 

All your anxieties about her left pretty soon after starting at your job. You knew she wouldn’t call you for help anymore considering you worked for the FBI, also met some amazing people.

Including your wonderful, beautiful girlfriend, JJ. 

JJ had just gotten divorced when she met you, she was apprehensive at the thought of dating someone so soon, especially a girl, she’s always been bi but never dated a girl. But she woman’d up and asked you out. 

Years flew by of you two dating, the kids loved you so much, JJ was shocked at how good you were with kids when to her knowledge, you were an only child. But, you felt guilt curdle in your gut for not telling her. So one night when the boys were finally in bed, you told her everything. From being the youngest, to dealing with your sister's addiction, your assault, your depression and anxiety, you told her the complete story. Every. Single. Chapter. 

She had barely seen you cry, but she saw you bawl at this. She held you and calmed you down, you explained your fear of being judged for Molly’s actions because people might think you are the same to her just because you are half-sisters. You apologized for keeping it from her for years into your relationship.

“Yes, I wish you would have told me but not because I ‘deserve’ to know everything about your past. Because you were suffering in silence, part of being girlfriends is talking about things and getting support from each other. I love you, Y/N. That’ll never change.” She explained. “Also I want to meet your family, I want to meet the strong daughters of hers and be a part of their lives just like you are a part of Henry and Michaels.” 

The next week you two scheduled a visit out there with the kids, you flew back to your home state, legs bouncing anxiously the entire time, she held your hand the whole way. 

The visit went really well, your nieces were obviously protective of you because you were their mother figure while Molly was in rehab and countless relapses. You took care of them and they were very protective over their aunt. 

But, they loved JJ and the boys, as did your entire family. 

When you two went back to work, Morgan speculated that you eloped because of how glowy and light you two seemed. JJ explained that the two of you were just happy and got a mental break to yourselves. 

Your nieces flew out to visit the next year, then JJ proposed the next week. Life was going great, until you got a call from one of Molly’s friends, “what’s wrong?” You answered, JJ looking up from the dining room table worriedly. 

“Molly is with the FBI,” she whispered as if the FBI was listening. 

Your stomach sank, “what do you mean?” 

“..I shouldn’t be telling you.” “You called me Katy!” You yelled, your father's anger coming out. “What did she do that got the FBI involved?” Your phone buzzed again which meant you were getting another call, unfortunately this one was more important. You looked to see JJ on the phone. 

Your thoughts went to the worse, Molly is at Quantico. But JJ was probably just talking to her mom. Her mom called a lot, yeah, that had to be it. 

“She was running a drug scheme and got busted as well as several felonies.” 

“Shit.” You sighed, “do you know where the bureau she’s located at is?” 

“Some place called Quantico.” 

No. No. No. No. 

---------------------------------------------------------

The drive to Quantico was awful and anxiety ridden, JJ held your hand as she drove, the boys were at Will’s. You were calling your dad, telling him not to tell the girls until you know more  because they lived with him. JJ explained that the phone call was Hotch saying the interrogation with your sister was happening and they wanted two of their best agents there. The buzzing during the phone call was Rossi. They didn’t know it was your sister, your last name was common, you’ve run into plenty of people in your line of work with your last name. 

But you were told that you two looked similar, and they’re all smart but you know Reid will put it together before anyone else. Hell, he probably already has. 

You pulled up to the building, there were a bunch of cop cars as well as other Agent vehicles. JJ didn’t hold your hand on the way up to where they all were, she didn’t want it to be obvious that you were in emotional turmoil. 

You met them right before the interrogation room, you looked into the window, she looked horrible. Obviously, she was using again, she had all the signs, every memory from high school came back. Seeing her so skinny and malnourished from the drugs. Her hair was lackluster, it was flat and dull in color, her skin was deathly pale and had many skin breakouts due to how shot her entire system is. 

Garcia filled all of you in everything she’s done. You already knew this though, Hotch gave you a weird look because you wouldn’t stop staring off into space (which showed your anxiety was spiraling bad). You also didn’t chime to help, you just shut down. 

Hotch moved to behind you and touched your back lightly, “can I see you for a moment?” You two slipped out without making it obvious, you were sure none of them noticed but Hotch knows you like a daughter. 

He shut the door to his office, “what’s going on, Y/N?”

You shrugged, “nothing.” 

“I know you’re lying, did you and JJ have a fight that’s distracting you? Is your mental health acting up again?”

“No, God, No. And You know if we have problems we let them go at work to get things done.” You said defensively. 

“Well, both of you are pretty closed off right now, usually you two never leave each other's sides during cases. You aren’t being attentive and aren’t chiming in. If it’s not your mental health or JJ, what is it?” 

You bit your lip nervously, “that woman in there, she’s my half-sister.” 

Well, it was clear he wasn’t expecting that, “It’s not in your file that you have siblings.” “That part was optional, I left it blank for a reason.” 

“What happened?” He asked gently. 

“She chose that life over her family, over her children. We paid for so many facilities and got her help multiple times. She threw it all away. I can’t forgive her for that.” 

He nodded, “think you can go back in there?”

“I want that bitch locked away, Hotch. If you allow me to have that personal vendetta, then yes I want to go back there.” You said, determined. The fire in you igniting more. You would make sure she never saw her kids again. 

He nodded and gestured towards the door, “lead the way.” -------------------------------------------

“I want to go in there to interrogate her.” You spoke, your voice void of any emotion, you got really good at hiding your emotions. Especially around her. 

Rossi nodded, oblivious to the looks JJ was giving you, “sounds like a plan to me, you are the toughest I feel like right next to Hotch and Morgan.” 

You smiled in response, it was light praise to you. 

“Hey Y/N?” Reid asked. 

“Yeah?” You looked at him, pushing a stray hair that fell in your face back. 

“She looks a lot like you, and has the same last name.” He said gently. 

“Yes, she’s my half-sister, Reid.” You said, looking at the entire team's reactions. 

To say they were shocked would be an understatement. 

“Are you sure you should go in there then?” Morgan asked. 

You nodded, “I can do it. I don’t really care if she gets locked away. In fact, I think everyone in my family will be better off.” 

Nobody said anything at your words, then Emily spoke, “go get the confession.” 

---------------------------------------------

You stood outside the door, JJ came up and gave you a kiss, “you got this, babygirl.” 

You blushed, then groaned, “great now I’m gonna be all flustered.” 

She laughed, it made your heart lighter, “I love you.”

“I love you.” You said back, she kissed you again and walked away.

You waited a few moments to open the door, you could do this.

When you opened it, she looked up to see who it was, she saw you and gave you a confused look, “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“If you came to my graduation party, you would know this is where I worked.” You said, like she was stupid. 

“I knew you were in the FBI at least.” “Considering all the laws you’ve broken, I wouldn’t have thought so.” You threw the file on the table, “I’ve already told them about everything you did to my family, to your children. They aren’t so happy and everybody here is dedicated to locking you away. You can’t play the victim card anymore.” You spoke gently, trying to keep nerves out of your voice. 

“Traitor.” She hissed. 

“Hm, you knew you had a relative in the FBI yet you still kept doing bad things, you also have two kids you left for a crime ring so I don't think I’m the traitor here.” You said sitting across from her, you ignored the anxiety in your veins, you wanted to fiddle with your engagement ring but didn’t really wanna talk about JJ with this woman. 

“Tell me what happened,” You leveled her with a look, that same look that your father would give her, the ‘i’m disappointed’ look, she had some feelings, and that look usually worked. “Why would I tell you?” You shrugged, “I don’t know, you bragged about getting kidnapped before so I wonder what you’ll brag about now, maybe seeing the inside of Quantico, maybe how they tried to break you and you resisted.”

“They sent my baby sister in to intimidate me,” she scoffed, “pathetic.” 

“Oh that isn’t my job.” You smiled, you were going to enjoy this. 

“Whose job is it?” She deadpanned, not having any of your shit, but you didn’t care. It was too much fun. 

“The prison guard outside who’s waiting to guide you to prison.” You shrugged.You could feel the ‘Hotch’ look through the glass for telling her so much. 

But you knew how to scare her, how to make her feel like shit. Guilt tripping was the best, hearing her lies, it was almost comical at how ridiculous they were. 

“Your daughters are doing great by the way, they stayed here with me for a week.” It was a great week, Hotch granted you and JJ time off to spend time with them and the boys. JJ even asked for their permission to marry you, she proposed the next week on your anniversary.

She sighed and looked at the mirror, it was like she was staring down your team on the other side. 

You sat in silence for a few minutes, before she spoke. “I’m sorry.” “No.” You simply said, shaking your head. 

“No?” She asked. 

“Don’t say you’re sorry just to say it, I don’t want some apology, you’re going to prison no matter what.” You shrugged. You forbade your emotions getting involved right now. JJ and the team were working overtime to get this confession out in time. 

“Bullshit, I am not.” She insisted, her voice going up a couple octaves. She was nervous. 

“What? You think you’re just gonna walk out of here? You have several federal offenses.” You opened her file, “carjacking, credit card fraud and identity theft alone are going to be up to 30 years in prison.” 

“There’s no proof.” She was just spitting stuff out at this point, she was getting frazzled. Her eyes, eyes that you both shared from your father, were wide and full of fear. 

“There are countless video files as well as credit card traces and millions of other traces. You’ve been on the list for years it seems.” You said, your eyes scanning over everything, every single mugshot, or street camera shot. All the proof was in the folder, you just needed a confession. 

“I know you deal, so just confess and we can both get out of this awkward family reunion.” You spoke, your head resting against your hand.

Her eyes caught on the diamond, “you married?”

“Engaged.” You said calmly. 

“What’s his name?” You rolled your eyes. “You know I’m gay, why do you keep insisiting that I’m into men?” “Oh yeah because you were assaulted, got it.” She acted like she just solved the greatest mystery. 

Your stomach sank even further, “Your ignorance is baffling.”

“Ignorance?”

“Yup, you criticize other people's lives and then once someone throws it back at you, you get offended. You are the queen of hypocrites.” you paused, “that’s what your drug lord name should’ve been.”

“..What?”

“The Hypocrite Queen, has a bite to it, doesn’t it?” You tilted your head, feeling her vibes out. 

“What?” She asked, her voice trembling. She was scared. 

Good. A dark part of you whispered. 

“Sure it doesn’t have as much fire as The Bite. But it’ll do.” You said, nonchalant. As if discussing paint colors. 

“How do you know about any of this?”

You smiled, enjoying her fear and the fact that you’re winning. “You know, I wonder what Adam Davis would think about all of this, or Betty Walsh, Allie Simmers, Jaden Carsdale, Julia Brewermen.” You named off just a few of the people her drugs killed. 

“I don’t know who those people are.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and she couldn’t make eye contact. 

You nodded, “those are the people you killed.” “Drugs killed them.” She clarified without thinking. 

The door behind you opened, you turned to see JJ, “we need you in Garcia’s office.” It was a horrible lie, but you knew it was all done. You nodded, you started getting up when you heard Molly speak. 

“What about family, sissy?”

“That’s rich coming from you, you are the same woman who abandoned her children for some dude you met two days before you left.”

“That was the addiction.”

“No it wasn’t, you did the same thing when you were fifteen, with a twenty six year old might I add; right before you got pregnant with your first born. You weren’t addicted then, so don't blame an addiction you use as a crutch to get through life. Being an addict doesn’t mean you are automatically pardoned from everything you ‘ve done, to me, to dad, to your two kids who are fifteen years old and already know that they never want to see you again.”

“What have I done to you?” She had the nerve to look heartbroken.

Manipulative bitch

“Tried to manipulate me to say I took dads alcohol when I was fourteen, I told you I was gay and you asked if I was gay because I was assaulted. You used my mom and your dad for money, you lied to us, multiple times about so many things that I’ve lost count. You hurt people for your own gain, you are the most selfish person I’ve ever met. You know, I went into a career where I deal with horrible people and now I know why I’m so good at it, because I grew up dealing with a horrible person that was close to me. Someone who hurt multiple people that I love-” “I get it, I hurt people-” “I’m not done! You’ve judged me my entire life and treated me poorly and now, I get to enjoy the fact that I get to watch you get put behind bars forever. You will never see your children again, you will never use our family for money, and people will no longer pity you.” 

You walked out without another word, JJ was right there, she gripped your hand because she knew you needed the support. 

With Molly locked away, you could finally breathe and feel free from her problems. You made all the necessary phone calls to your dad. Booked a flight to go and explain everything to your nieces. 

JJ would be by your side through it all.

[nicistrying]

19, 24, 26! ☺️

19 -If you aren't religious, do you wish you were? Why?

Right so this is a weird one bc if I'm being totally honest, I've been avoiding all things to do with faith / religion for the past year. I was brought up Catholic which was obviously frustrating bc I'd be like oh right we love everyone! Why is my school telling us it's a sin to be gay tho :/ So then I met my now boyfriend Matthew and he was brought up more widely just "Christian", no particular denomination, and we talked a LOT about faith and stuff bc I had turned my back on the Catholicism bc it just didn't make any sense to say yeah I agree with Jesus we should be nice to everyone! But not the poor, or sex workers, or LGBTQ+ people, or people with mental health problems.. the people he literally spent his life helping. But here was this nice guy and his nice family saying actually people misread / mistranslate / misunderstand / manipulate / ignore messages in the bible all the time and there's a lot of it we take for granted but we should really actually question it and consider it for ourselves and keep in mind the context and the fact that it's not The Magical Word Of God but a load of letters written by people who thought (or claimed) they were writing what God had told them and also were sometimes just writing to each other to check in and give advice specific to their specific community, and like you have to be so critical about it and I do really value a good supportive church group where those questions and discussions are welcomed. It helps me to keep an open mind and is encouraging to see other people do the same bc obviously there are some awful, horrible people who call themselves Christians as an excuse to be racist or whatever (I don't understand why or where the white supremacy thing comes from bc the dudes in the bible were, ya know, Not White). But then I'm busy now and I don't make time to properly consider what my faith is or where it is right now BUT to actually answer the question, even though I'm guilty of making zero effort to work on my own faith whatever that may or may not be, I don't think I wish I was religious bc it can be so easy to become narrow minded if you get into certain circles, and I think we all need to be as open minded as possible these days

24 - Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality?

I'm not sure tbh. I mean I guess I identify as female but I also like the idea of just being a Person, irrespective? But not so much that I'm uncomfortable if people call me she/her. And I don't think I do fully understand my sexuality, sometimes I think maybe I could be bi bc I really fancy some girls but then I kind of talk myself out of it bc I happen to be in a heterosexual relationship and am way more attracted to men? I'd feel like a fraud if I started saying I was bi lol. But again I'm happily in my relationship so it's kind of irrelevant anyway? Does it matter if I also sort of fancy girls a bit? I don't think so. I know it's just because I'm very lucky not to have had any difficulties growing up and also that I've been in a male / female relationship for 5 years but I feel very chill about gender and sexuality. Maybe bc my mam came out as gay and married a woman when I was young and I spent half my time with them. Like I learned early on that the people are so much more important than any label

26 - What's the most life-changing decision you've made so far?

The decision to end the cycle of shitty parenting / family relations in general. I don't have to miserably chase after my shitty parents' love or attention bc I won't get it! Who cares? My older sister very clearly decided she would let it go no further and she is the most awesome, loving, encouraging mother I know. Like she carves out quality time with her kids on the regular and she makes the world so magical for them bc it never was for her, and watching her do that so deliberately and positively had a big influence on me as a teenager. So as soon as I moved out I decided to do the same, leave the trauma and pain there with them. Obvs that's so much easier said than done and I'm addressing the daddy issues with a therapist for a reason but my outlook on it is much more positive and it's so liberating!

Thanks for asking, I've been up since 3.30am so I really do apologise for rambling on so much, I hope some of it makes some sense 😂

[thoughtsdying]

The procces of realising you’re aroace: a tale by me version 2

Realising you’re aroace is suddenly comprehending why your few friends (with one exception) have always turned out to be in the queer community at the end. Like. That fenomenum of “queer radar only you don’t realise it’s there and you end up gravitating together anyway?” yup- It happens too. Only most of the time you think you’re an allied cis-het weirdo who cares too much about something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, and who cares if you feel weird when other people assume you’re hetero (or that you have a orientation at all), you sure aren’t attracked to your same gender either. Nor are any kind of trans.

And then you discover asexuality in your late teens and it feels weirdly near you, but you think you’re trying to make it so you’re special, so you dismiss any ace feels as you being a late bloomer, and only take care of including it in discussions about queer issues, and then you feel strangely hurt when a professor dismisses it as “some self descriptor weird lonely japanese men in their 40′s created who only care for 2D” which. You don’t have to tell me all the problems in that sentence. Believe me, I know. And you can’t come with arguments except well if people feel like using it, then we should respect it, bc you don’t have the words to explain asexuality except that internet in english told you it was a thing and you still don’t know except in a nebulous way what even is aromanticism, so you didn’t bring that up in the discussion at all.

And a pair of years after that you start using demisexual bc it feels less scary and very reasonable except you’ve never felt attracted to anyone, how do you even tell it? And relationships scare you, and you still don’t have any idea of what is aromanticism except it scares you and you don’t want to contemplate a life being aro. You love romances after all

(except when you have to look the other way in any kind of profound kiss, bc it’s private people, which makes you feel wiedly homophobic when you’re watching a lgbtq+ media or your best friend with her girlfriend even if it’s the same with hetero, except then it’s just that sex is weird in film and kisses with tongue are still private people!)

and obviously you still don’t want to have sex with a girl (Except perhaps those emotional dreams of touching with a friend that aren’t sex but almlost and are very comfortable anyways it could be nice you’re sure but nice isn’t desire is it?) so even although guys make you nervous and any thought of doing anything romantic-sexual with one is a “yikes” you suppose you find some really pretty in a different way you do with woman and that must be ~attraction~.

And a friend tells you that a guy tried to sound her to see if he could date you and she told him you were ace and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and you go “why?” confused and a bit elated bc holy shit what a relief you won’t have to confront him, but also a bit of panic (that’s how i come across? it isn’t my imagination, im so obvious oh no) and she tells you, “well you are almost one and you don’t have any intention of dating anybody right now so i thought it best to cut any feels on his part right now”. And it gives you things to think about.

And another two years pass except this time you’ve started to educate yourself on aromanticism bc too many relatable posts on tumblr looking into the ace tag made you “holy shit yeah this makes more sense than just asexuality” but also you keep loving romance stories except now you’ve started to recognize you’re starved of friendship in all the ambits of your live and you’re also a young adult who still doesn’t want a relationship, what do i do? And maybe you’re not demi, you’re ace and you can think sex sounds a nice activity to do with intimate friends (aro aro aro) but not something you’re into, and you’re still ace, you’re not attracted to anybody not really. What a relief. (you still can’t try on the aro umbrella)

And you question yourself bc a fantastic guy has become your friend, and your minds vibe inmensely well, and you talk during quearentine, but he gives you some weird vibes sometimes, and makes you gifts which you ignore bc holy shit a best friend! And he has money and he’s lonely! I would also give gifts to my besties if I had money! And then he confesses to you on wassap, and you realise he has put you on a pedestal and has cofessed but already said himself he doesn’t want a relationship with you bc he would corrupt you or something and anyway, he’s not really in love with you he’s using you as a mental crutch to try to not be depressed, he knows that noe but he hates psycologists. Also, can i have some time apart from you?

So you tell him you feel flattered but that you see him as only a friend, and please can you not put yourself so below me? Search professional help. I’ll stay away as long as you need.

And you start feeling uneasy, but you think it’s only that he’s a weirdo and really you’ve dodged a bullet of course you wouldn’t want to go out with him, he’s not really the kind of pretty you like. Except if you’re ace what does it matter? Isn’t it that you feel pretty repulsed by trying a romantic relationship? Or are you just justifying your own aloofness and personality problems that make impossibly difficult to try a romance anyway. People don’t control who they feel romantic feels for anyway.

Except in the following months when you’ve finally reaturned to be friends you’re so relieved to not have that shadow above you and really wouldn’t it be amazing if everybody knew you didn’t want anything to do with them romantically? To be free to be friends and hug them, and walk arm in arm or go to lunch and cinema and still be just friends? To plan your future in a line along with those friends but not be really a committement as much as you just want to enjoy talking face to face with them for a bit longer.

So you go back to read about aromanticism and maybe you cry a little but mostly you’re pretty happy and scared about it. And you tell that friend, bc he’s your bestie right now and you feel him being bi and also being interested in you in the past would make him more likely to react well. It’s not personal it’s just the way I am. And then you start crying in the middle of a starbucks for 15 min. and you didn’t now you feel so much so intensely about being aroace, and how it had impacted you without knowing and how much you hate those expectations. And he hugs you and tells you “nobody has the right to tell you how to live. if you feel like you’re never gonna be in a relationship that’s your business and you’ll be happy anyway” and you cry harder. And then you both have a sincere conversation about sex as he has experimented it and how you feel it pretty strange and weird, but maybe you’d like to try it sometime. Just not a time near now. And if it’s never that’s pretty okey with you too.

So you go home feeling a bit embarrased but also pretty elated except a week later there’s another wassap message from him, saying he feels he still loves you, and that he understands intelectually your nearness with him is friendly but still feels romantic and it confuses me and it pains me and i would prefer to not be your friend anymore, sorry, men are shit and me the worst of them.

“Ok” I write back. I’m furious and hurt and I don’t want to see his liar face anymore. So fuck you, I think. “Thanks for telling me” And I block his number and I don’t talk to him when we met with out mutual friends, and when it’s necessary I talk as if he were a stranger. Kindly but impersonal. Isn’t that what you wanted? To lost a friend? So you’ve lost me forever.

And it became clear to me that I don’t think I’ll ever understand the stupidity of not wanting to see someone just because their lives don’t revolve around you the way you like, even though you’re friends and you can talk to them about anything at all anyway, and be there for help with the shitty parts of life. There are things I’ll never felt or do for another. 

And I’m ok with that.

[softest-cinnamon-roll]

"you can be anything you wanna be, don't ever forget it?" for reddie 🥺

thank you so much ashbot! this fic literally only features a reddie mention, but I will continue it if you guys want more! It’s also set from Adrian’s point of view so have that! Also I have basically switched the losers an Adrian/Don’s ages around don’t @ me. 

* * * * *

Adrian walked into the local diner, texting his boyfriend, Don as he moved. There was a table right in the corner that Adrian always sat in. It was close enough to the door, and right next to a window meaning that if he was to enter an asthma attack, there was a quick escape. As it was a Thursday, there weren’t many people around, which was just how Adiran liked it, and he glanced at the clock. Don would be here any minute and until then, Adrian decided that a little people watching wouldn’t do much harm.

His eyes started by the entrance, scanning over the elderly couple sipping on their tea and nibbling into the scones. Adrian couldn’t help but smile to himself at the simplicity of it all, that after all the years they had probably been together, they still managed to find the time and energy to go out for a treat together. Leaving the couple to it, Adrian’s eyes moved further into the diner, landing on a man in a suit, tapping away on his laptop and talking quietly into a headpiece. He didn’t blame the man, as Thursday was a quiet day.

Finally, Adrian’s eyes drifted to the only other people in the diner at that time. At the table down from him, sat a slightly overweight woman and her young son, probably no older than four. His legs were swinging back and forth as he stared at the carrot sticks in front of him, before his head moved back to the large cabinet full of cakes and sweets. Since they were only a few tables away, Adrian could make out their conversation and he had to hold back a wince. Just from the small bit he could catch, it was clear that this mother was, what he would describe as, an entitled parent.

“Mommy, please can I have a little bit of cake?” The boy asked, his fingers twitching on the table and Adrian felt sorry for the poor kid. His mother gasped, loud enough to turn some heads and she shook her own head violently.

“Eddie bear! How could you even suggest such a thing? You know that you’re allergic to sugar! Do you want your mommy to have to rush you to the hospital and be faced with a huge bill just because you wanted a little piece of cake? I don’t think you do. You don’t want to hurt mommy do you?” Her voice was sickly sweet and condescending, which made Adrian develop the inkling that the kid didn’t actually have a sugar allergy.

Just then, the door to the diner opened, and Don walked in, waving in Adrian’s direction as he made his way over, taking a seat in the booth opposite him, “Hey, sorry for keeping you waiting, traffic was horrendous,” he rolled his eyes and leaned across the table, pecking Adrian on the lips, making him smile.

They were frequent customers at the diner, and all of the staff knew them by name, which was why they didn’t feel the need to hide their affection when they ate there. Of course, there was still the occasional roll of the eyes from the odd customer, but most of them were regulars too, and were used to it by now. So when the deep sigh and loud ‘ahem’ came from behind them, it took both Adrian and Don by surprise.

Adrian looked up first and he inwardly groaned when he came face to face with the entitled mother of the little boy. Upon closer inspection, he realised that he knew this woman, and his annoyance only intensified. Her name was Sonia Kaspbrak and she was a member of his Aunt’s book club, for years in fact. That was his aunt’s reasoning for not kicking her out, as she couldn’t deal with all the backlash that would come with it. She was religious, overbearing and...entitled. Which meant the little boy with her was Eddie Kaspbrak, her poor unfortunate son.

“Yes?” Adrian spoke up, raising an eyebrow. Just out of spite, he reached over and laced his fingers with Don’s. This woman had no control over him and was in no way about to dictate how he acted with his boyfriend. His glare met hers and he just knew he had started a war.

Sonia Kaspbrak glared down at him, her face going a dark red colour, “You shouldn’t be flaunting this around town where little kids can see it. You’re going to turn them into one of you and I will not have you infect my child with your...your illness.” She spat and Don winced across from him.

“We aren’t bothering anyone,” Adrian replied calmly. “It was you who chose to come over here and ruin our lunch. Now if you don’t mind could you leave us alone? We are trying to have a nice lunch.”

Turns out, that was not the right thing to say, and Sonia slammed her hand down on the table, making the two of them jump. “You’re not welcome in this town. You- you homo’s need to leave and get some serious help. You are all sick in the head. God never intended for this, not a chance. You are going to hell.”

Adrian blinked and was about to respond when a small voice came from behind the angry woman, and Eddie Kaspbrak’s head peeked out from behind her legs, eyes wide and curious. “Mommy...what’s a homo?” He asked, looking up at her. “Why are you yelling?”

The gasp that left Sonia’s mouth was one Adrian would never forget and she whipped her head back around, pointing a finger at him. “You- you have corrupted my son! Look what you’ve done!”

“Oh my god lady, this is ridiculous. It’s the 21st Century not the Stone Age,” Adrian rolled his eyes, and knowing that there was no turning back, he turned to face and address Eddie. “Homosexuals, it’s a word for when a man loves another man and wants to be with him. There is nothing wrong with that.”

Suddenly, Sonia screeched and covered Eddie’s ears, “Don’t you dare speak to my son! Don’t you even look at him! You have infected his mind with your words and I deserve some sort of compensation for this! I will be reporting you to the mayor and he will not be happy to know you are corrupting his town!”

“Mommy, does that mean that Richie and I can get married when we’re older?” Eddie asked, pulling away from her and looking back at Adrian. “Richie is my bestest best friend in the whole world. I want to spend time with him all the time and I love him, just like you said! Does that mean I’m a homo- that word you said?” He didn’t manage to get an answer as Sonia wrapped a rough hand around his too small wrist and started to drag him away.

“Edward, you will go sit in the car right now. Do not disobey me and you are never to mention that word ever again!” Sonia screeched and even though she had moved away from the table, Adrian was involved and so he followed her. “As for Richie Tozier, he is a dirty boy, just like those boys and you aren’t to be friends with him anymore.”

Tears filled Eddie’s eyes and Adrian felt his heart break at the sight. He marched forward and stood in Sonia’s line of vision. “Hey lady, you can’t go around calling little kids words like that. You say we’re the ones corrupting society, it’s actually you with your small minded views. You’re the one who needs some serious help.” He turned back around to Eddie and knelt down, ignoring Sonia’s insults. “Hey kid. You can be whatever you wanna be and don’t you forget it. Okay?” He asked, lifting his pinky.

Eddie sniffed and linked their pinkies together, nodding his head with a smile. “I won’t mister! Thank you!” He grinned, only for that smile to vanish as his mother shoved Adrian away and pulled Eddie out of the diner, to the car. It was a few moments until she drove away, leaving dust in her wake. The diner fell silent and the waitress walked over and smiled at him.

“That was a really nice thing you did,” she spoke. “Eddie comes in here with Sonia all the time and he always looks so sad as she won’t let him have any sweets.” She moved over to the table and started cleaning up.

Adrian followed to help and Don joined them shortly after, giving Adrian’s wrist a squeeze. “I heard her say that Eddie was allergic to sugar,” he muttered after a while and the waitress frowned, looking at him. “What?”

She shook her head, “That’s not possible. Before his father died, he would come in here and they would share a banana split. When he comes in with his mother, she always makes him drink black tea, so I sneak a sugar cube in there for taste. He’s definitely not allergic to sugar.”

At the news, Adrian felt his blood boil and he reached into his pocket for his inhaler, taking a few gulps. This woman was lying to her son, making him believe he was sick when he wasn’t. His eyes met Don’s and he could tell that his boyfriend knew exactly what he was thinking.

No matter what, Adrian was going to help Eddie Kaspbrak.

* * * * *

@3tothe1 @anellope @annxmatron @appojoos @are-you-reddie-for-it @beepbeeprichiellc @bi-bi-richie @billdenbrough @bitchbrak @callmechee @dadbodrichie @derrylosers @disneyfan567 @eds-trashmouth @eduardoandale @feldmancorey @girasol-eddie @gloire-celeste @halfway-happy353 @hawkinsbabe @inthebreadbinwrites @itfandomprompts @its-stranger-than-you-think @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @kat-ships-everything @lifesucksheres20bucks @loserslibrary @losers-gotta-stick-together @madi-main @mars-14 @marsisaplanetyall @moonlightrichie @nancynwheeler @no-she-wasnt-reddie @oldguybones @photoboothreddie @pink-psychic @purplepoisonedgem @queen-sock @ransonelovebot @rebecca-the-queen @reddie-for-anything @reddie-to-cryy @reddieforlove @reddiesetandgo @richietoaster  @roobarrtrashmouth @rreddies @s-onora @s-s-georgie @sashadrowned @sedanleystanley @sloppybitchreddie @sparklingrainbowdragon @spirited-marvel @stebbins @stellarbisexual @studpuffin @takeourpure @that-weird-girls-blog @thegoshdiddlydangdoor @thejadeazalea @thorn-harvester-ven @tinyarmedtrex @tozier-boy @tozierking @toziesque @trashmouthtozierr @twoidiotsinl0ve @ultrapaninibred @vanity190 @violetreddie @virgo-luthie @wilding-throught-thehallways @xandertheundead  

[sexedforbiguys]

Internalized homophobia and biphobia: what are they? – Sex Ed for Bi Guys

Published August 27, 2020.

This is the SFW/censored version of this post. You can view the uncensored version on a sexually-explicit blog here on Pillowfort.

Content warning: examples of internalized homophobia and biphobia, homophobic slurs.

I’ve been wanting to write about our mental health for some time, and internalized homophobia and biphobia are a good starting point. Homophobia is negative attitudes and stereotypes towards people with same-sex attractions, same-sex romantic relationships, and sex stuff people of the same gender do: think of the ickiness some people feel seeing two guys kiss. On top of this, we also have to deal with bullshit that gay guys don’t face. Biphobia is similar to homophobia, but towards people who are attracted to multiple genders. It’s the old: “we’re just on our way to gay town”; “I’d never date a bi guy”; “you have to choose”; etc. Homophobia and biphobia become internalized when we start to believe what we’ve been hearing our whole lives, when the fear of people’s reactions takes root, and when self-doubt and self-hate rear their ugly heads.

Internalized homophobia and what it feels like

Internalized homophobia makes you wish you were straight. It can lead to denial. It makes you feel you don’t deserve the same things “normal” people get because of your desire or love for men. It can sound like that:

You wish you were “normal”, and you even started hating yourself. When the other guys started accusing Rob of looking at their d**ks in the showers, you called him a f*g – because you were looking at their d**ks too.

Things are better now, but you were walking downtown and you saw two guys kiss. It was so weird, even though you’ve been dreaming of kissing your best friend. You hooked up with a guy from Grindr, but you were clear: no kissing, no hugging, just sex. But the moment you blew your load, you wanted out. Your skin crawled as you walked home, and you felt hollow.

Now, the sex is good, but that’s all you want from guys – there’s no way you’d fall in love with one. Your profile says masc-for-masc; you’re not like those over-the-top, flamboyant guys. You wish they’d tone it down, they give everyone the wrong impression. Seriously, what’s the idea of making your entire life about being gay, with the rainbows and the parades? It’s making everyone uncomfortable.

Internalized biphobia and what it feels like

Internalized biphobia is even more insidious. It starts by feeding on the ignorance those around you have been cultivating about being bisexual, pansexual or polysexual.

All you know is gay or straight. Sure, you think of other guys, but fucking girls feels amazing! You couldn’t possibly be gay; you just wish you had this guy’s body.

Or you’ve always been into other guys, you can’t be having feelings for that woman you just met. Anyway, everyone says you have to choose, maybe it’s just a phase. Maybe watching the right kind of porn will help you “choose”.

And once you think you know the truth about yourself, it tells you that maybe you’re wrong, or that it’s not such an important part of you.

Just settle with your new wife and you don’t have to bother about liking guys anymore. Or just say you’re gay so you don’t get the weird comments from your gay friends. You’ve always preferred guys after all, and you don’t want to deal with what they would think of you if you got a girlfriend. For all you know, maybe you’re just faking being attracted to women.

Or you’ve always seen yourself with a wife and kids and a family; even if you have these sexual desires for guys, your sexuality is nobody’s business but your own. Anyhow, your wife would be right to be angry if you told her you’re bi: that’s not what she signed up for, and it’s normal she’d worry about you being gay if she saw your porn.

You talked, and it’s kinda okay? You’ve been thinking of coming out, but you’re not really into labels, and people all get the wrong ideas when they hear a guy’s bisexual. Yet you end up being one of the 12% of bi men who come out to most of the important people in their lives; you’re finally done with that shit. But lately, you haven’t really been thinking about women, just guys… Are you gay after all? Oh, that girl who walked by is hot; you’re good.

This cool gay guy and you have been flirting – you think? – but what if he thinks you aren’t gay enough, or that there’s something he could never give you? Hey, he’s bi too! Wait, what if he leaves you for a woman someday? You’re not too sure about that.

Now it’s been years, and you love being bi! But that pansexual friend you had in college just got married, she was probably straight after all… That singer just came out as bisexual, but you bet he’ll say he’s gay in a couple of years; all the celebrities end up doing that, it’s so disappointing. And being bi is trendy with young people today. You wish you had another friend who’s bi, but they’re all gay or straight. Oh wow, your friend that you’ve known for years just said he’s not just into women! You had no idea, how come he didn’t say something sooner? He’s known for a long time that you’re bi after all.

It’s not all of that for everyone

I hope you’re not thinking or feeling all of what I just wrote. For many of us, internalized homophobia and biphobia are subtle, and only a few of these thoughts poison us, especially when we’ve worked towards accepting ourselves. Also, some of these beliefs can be there for reasons other than internalized oppressions. For example, many people have valid reasons to not want to label themselves: maybe the words feel too limiting. Or some people are private and feel that aspects of a sexuality they haven’t touched in a long time, or only when they watch porn and masturbate, belongs to them.

But internalized homophobia and biphobia hide in our blind spots and in our subconscious – it’s their thing, that’s what they do. So do some introspection. What are ways you think the internalized oppressions are still impacting you? Healing starts with developing an awareness that these exist within you. Still, although many of us have overcome our internalized homophobia, I have yet to meet a bi, pan or polysexual person who doesn’t occasionally struggle with internalized biphobia – so it’s probably in there somewhere.

My next article will talk about overcoming internalized homophobia and biphobia, but I don’t want to leave you hanging after stirring that shit up. This article and this video offer helpful suggestions, like reading books with bi characters or learning not to second-guess your feelings. Another important way of taking care of yourself is to connect with other people like you. If you haven’t already, check out r/BisexualMen on Reddit and maybe join our Discord chat server. You might discover how much of a weight is off your shoulders when you talk about your sexuality with other bi, pan and polysexual guys like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

***

Tip me or become a monthly supporter on Ko-fi if this post has helped you and you can afford it! I am going to university full-time to become a better educator. Supporting Sex Ed for Bi Guys means I have time to work on the series and continue helping people online, instead of working a part-time job while I'm in school. Support the series if you think bisexual, pansexual, and polysexual men deserve support and quality sex ed!

Check out all Sex Ed for Bi Guys posts here, including articles such as “Am I bi?”, Dating men, women, and nonbinary folks, and Butt sex 101.

All images are borrowed from the internet and are in the post because I like them. If you are the copyright owner or a person in the image, contact me: I’ll gladly credit you, or remove the image at your request.

[jlf23tumble]

This one’s for @homosociallyyours and @silverfoxlouis, the former because she’s not going to listen and the latter because they’re listening as we speak! I saw a post earlier that low-key annoyed me because it either misrepresented today’s Stern interview or it skipped right over the fascinating bits, so here are the parts I enjoyed (I won’t waste my time on the shit I hated, lol):

Shrooms and the song-writing process are related to Harry’s anxiety about fucking shit up and needing to get out of his own head; related: coming from a band, if there's something you don't like, you can tell yourself that it wasn’t your choice.

The Rob Stringer talk made me SIDE EYE w/r/t the delay, like, okay, you’re a label boss who’s gonna drop a ton of money, but you’re cool with telling the artist to just relax and take all the time they need, you’ll just pick up the thread when hs2 is completely finished, lolz (I have my own theories about allllll of that, but okay!).

I love Stevie and her coven of nocturnal witches, too, but tell me more about how she hated Harry’s choice of first single (in my heart, she wanted “Golden”) and the song that she thought should have been on the album but isn’t, god, she’s such a yoda, and this entire bit was so much bigger than the coven.

I live in Harry’s soft, breathy “thank you” whenever Howard praises SOTT.

I feel like all the White Eskimo talk is a fic waiting to happen, the whole battle of the bands and them winning studio time and how Harry talks to maybe one of them and there’s a guy who IS STILL IN WHITE ESKIMO I GUESS???? WHAT?

Howard Stern hatesssssssssssss Simon Cowell, so his attempts to get Harry to talk shit were both wonderful and expertly dodged, lmao. 

My only positive comment about the discussion around Harry “putting on some timber” during his bakery (cashier at a baker) years was how much it echoed Louis’s comment about “having extra timber” during one of his recent BTS specials.

Were the guys in One Direction REALLY saying that Matt Cardle was “so fucking good” back in the day? This junior statesman!

Ralph pointed this out when we were talking about the interview, but a lot of the time, Howard just makes statements (as per usual), and Harry says, “Right,” which is a great response because it isn’t really an answer, yet it’s still participatory.

Howard is obsessed with coronavirus, so it was hella interesting to hear Harry’s thoughts about it affecting his tour, when his tour is still so far away (yet another tour is so much closer and in the direct line of fire).

Howard (like me) was pleased that Harry’s band is a mix of women and men and not just dudes (I should take a drink every time Bowie is mentioned, like around Harry’s clothes, how Harry is starting his tour in Philadelphia, the entirety of that convo making me want to see Harry’s face as much as all the xarries want to).

One of the things I hated seeing earlier today was this notion that Howard “forced” Harry to talk about the robbery because he absolutely did not, Harry went into CRAZY levels of detail about it when Howard asked, “When did this happen to you?” (and the way Harry talked about it wasn’t full of trauma or sadness, it bordered on humorous in spots but still serious; it clearly shook him up, but he wasn’t about to let it change his life of feeling free to walk around at night). 

I wanted to hear a lot more about all the musicians hanging out in the ‘70s and being competitive in terms of who was writing the best songs about a particular party vs. the competitiveness of banging out the best single today. Harry’s focus was that if you say you like a song, people think you should collaborate…if two musicians hang out, they're dating or recording (like with Adele, and case in point, Howard immediately asked if they were working on something).

I also loved the bit about acting and how nervous Harry used to be about EVERYTHING because he’s waiting three hours to do three minutes, and he focuses so much on his voice or hands shaking, but this last SNL really helped (in my heart, his “little tweaks” were on the Sara Lee sketch).

I live in the guffaw from Harry whenever Howard unexpectedly hit his funny bone (like Harry saying Anne gave him some money to buy clothes when he first moved to London, and Howard saying it was good return on investment for her, what with the house Harry eventually bought her, etc.).

I absolutely LOVED the entire bit about Ben Winston’s attic (and Ralph’s related takes on it), the fine line of the plausibility yet the doubling down; the word “cocaine” coming out of Harry’s mouth; the parts about dating and keeping your relationship normal/secret, etc., GOLD, ALL OF IT. 

Harry, like Phoenix Mendoza, writes every day, which is part of why he wasn’t really into giving up his phone to muggers because that’s his writing zone of choice for lyrics and poems (the whole robbery clapback here: “for the purposes of not getting mugged again, no, they’re on a different device”).

MITCH SPEAKS!! He was into his Nick Drake phase when Harry met him, but apparently everyone is into the open D (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) chord, so he was a shoe-in. Also, Harry met Adam in 2010??? I’d like more information.

We move back into 1D territory with Zayn’s departure, which is still shittily handled but somewhat more maturedly discussed, and yet another attempt to get Harry to talk shit about Simon, which is getting us closer to what we want/need (Harry’s very real answer to Simon being pissed that Harry didn’t consult him about going solo: “I’m in a band since I was 16, there were five of us, we had a lot of managers, lots of people at the label, and all of these decisions affect your life in a massive way, every decision I made was a group call. I didn't know who I was as an adult,” and a lot of that is paraphrased in spite of the quote marks, but just know that I am screaming LIAM).

There’s a lot of weird downspeak to Sarah and Ny (Adam and Mitch were talked at earlier), but everyone’s very much into Sarah, and rightfully so. I loved the slip up where Howard is trying to figure out if there’s anything romantic going on between Harry and the female band members, and someone says, “Mitch!” so you can hear Howard process Harry and Mitch for a hot sec, cracking the Hitch dream, before we get clarification and Harry gleefully taking us into the story of their love. (Me as the speech Howard gives Sarah and Mitch about how dangerous it is to be in a band together and to have a relationship because if you fuck it up, it’ll be terrible.)

SLEDGEHAMMER NICE.

We get a bit into the “Adore You” video because Howard’s an animal softie, and he loves it (it’s downplayed, but Howard also mentions how fans have put a lot of “thoughts” into the fish), but then we get into talk about how this song is about the girl Harry’s banging (HIS SNICKER HERE) and how the common denominator in all of Harry’s failed relationships is him, huh. All of this relationship talk here makes me want to DIE with how much I love it.

Everyone focuses on the gross talk from Howard about Harry having a lady therapist (this is a long-standing Howard trope), but some good shit disappears between those cracks, like how Harry decided to go into therapy, how he’s keeping his LA therapist instead of having two in different countries, etc., and it’s actually Robin who asks Harry about seeming weak or vulnerable in front of a female therapist, but clearly, he’s not bothered.

I’m so interested in how the shrooms tongue-biting incident cured a speech impediment I wasn’t fully aware of but that is still so impossibly endearing.

Harry himself picks out his opening acts, which we already knew but is always nice to hear confirmed. 

The drug convo in text from earlier today makes it sound like he doesn’t smoke cigs, but to me, it seems like he doesn’t like to smoke weed (an edible king, relatable).

Harry says, “you’ve said it all,” which just makes me think he’s a long-time (or recent) Stern listener, because that’s what Howard says when he’s done/interview’s over.

We think it’s all done but the shouting, and then Robin gets into Harry’s clothing, which is where it gets dicey. Howard (of course) mentions that Bowie wore a skirt and how he himself did full drag on TV (“legs shaved and everything, you should see how gorgeous I am as a woman”), but Harry keeps it very much in the realm of what he wears is what he wears because it’s fun for him, he’s not wearing a school uniform or trying to look cool for his friends, he’s a lot more comfortable with himself: “At shows, I tell people to be who they want to be, I plan on telling my kids that, so I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I’m not wearing it for shock value.” 

Howard says people will assume he’s gay or bi (like Bowie, YEAH, SIGH), but Harry says it’s not performative. This whole bit is fascinating on so many levels, he touches (without saying) on the entire queer-baiting issue, and it’s cringe-y, with Howard saying “I’m not criticizing, wear what you want, I’m a big mess, etc.”

Anyway, they pivot out of that with Howard moving beyond into asking Harry who he wants to badmouth: “Simon?” Harry: “This has been great!” and this entire bit about how Howard wants to know if Harry considers Simon a friend, and Harry saying he doesn’t talk to him gives me life. There’s a lot of gross talk about who Harry has his eye on for his next girlfriend, but I will tell you that I never in my life expected to hear the words SUSAN BOYLE thrown into this convo. 

The interview closes out with Harry getting progressively more silent about the women he should date, saying that he doesn’t talk in interviews about his love life, he talks in music (oh?????), so Taylor Swift comes up, and Harry says it’s flattering to think you’re in a Taylor song because she’s such a great songwriter, which, true, I guess?

Harry hasn’t used a dating app (duh), but Howard thinks he should create one, and…scene. 

[synvamp]

Getting Lucky

On patrol. Alone with Clover. This is fine.

Hook up fic with D&M, ridic flirting, angst!Qrow and so much love for Clover's pants XD

Rating: M

---xxx---

Qrow took a long breath. He ran one hand through his hair and looked at his face in the reflective surface of the window one more time. He looked nervous as hell. Great.

 Off on patrol. With Clover. Both of their teams were training but Jimmy insisted that his team leaders share a few hours to talk strategy and learn about each other’s fighting techniques. Knowledge enables control, he’d said. Whatever that means.

 “See you tonight then,” Clover had said as they left the briefing, “Meet you down in Mantle, outside the Service Hanger at eight?” and then he winked and waltzed off, just like that.

 “It’s not like you’re going on a date or anything,” Qrow muttered angrily at his reflection.

 It felt so weird to have a guy flirt with him that he couldn’t even tell if it was really happening… It had been so long! He’d been so busy with Ruby and Raven and Yang and trying not to let his demons get the better of him. Who had time for a love life?!

 The loneliness hadn’t helped, sure but it was starting to be a comfort. No one to let down… No; no one to drag down with his miserable semblance and his miserable life. And Clover had just breezed in. Just flicked his wrist in his cocky half salute as if he was saying, “Luck? I’ve got enough for the two of us.” Just like that.

 It had been so long since he’d met a man he was interested in, he’d almost stared to think that maybe he wasn’t bi after all… maybe it was just because he was young or drunk, things like that happen, right? But there was no question now. Certain parts of his anatomy were absolutely sure.

 But was Clover even flirting? Maybe he was always like that… cocky but full of empathy, warm, sincere… I sound like a teenager. I’m so horny all a man has to do is wink at me and I get all sweaty! But it wasn’t all he’d done at all. Every time Qrow looked in those turquoise eyes he thought, he’s not so great. He might be gorgeous and have a chiselled jaw and shoulders you could yoke a cart to but he’s just a show off. It’s nothing. He’s nothing.

 And then Clover said something like, “They’re lucky to have you,” and looked at him like he knew every tormented thought that ever entered his head and suddenly he was right back where he started. Sweaty.

 No… he wasn’t flirting. He was just like that. He just… winked at people. It’s a normal thing that someone like that would do. A confident person. It’s not like I would know how that feels, all my confidence came from a bottle. Looking up, he realised he’d turned the last corner of the long metal corridor and was about to step out into the hanger bay. A short walk around Hanger Four and he’d be at the maintenance end. He checked the time. It was seven fifty five.

 Maybe I should stay here a while. Don’t want to be hanging around for ages looking nauseous.

 Being sober is so damn annoying.

 “Fancy meeting you here,” Clover’s voice bounced off the metal walls, strong and confident as always.

 “Yeah, imagine,” Qrow replied, turning. Awkwardly standing in a corridor. Excellent start.

 “I thought maybe a turn around the CBD?” Clover smiled.

 Qrow nodded and they walked out the door to cross the concrete expanse of the hanger bay, skirting the landing strip. They walked in step, taking in the darkening evening, the lights slowly blinking on one by one.

 Ok, Qrow told himself, you can do this!

 “I like your weapon,” he said, “I haven’t seen a hook used like that in combat before.”

 “I’m one of a kind,” Clover said, his eyebrows twitching.

 Come on, Qrow smiled inwardly, he has got to be flirting.

 “I’d love to have more of a chance to see you in action,” Clover let the words hang in the air; “Your sword looks pretty interesting too.”

  “Yeah,” Qrow put an affectionate hand on Harbinger, “It sure is something special.”

 “It’s rather… large though. Not compensating for anything?” Clover’s eyes twinkled.

 “From the man whose radio call sign is Alpha?” Qrow raised an eyebrow. They laughed.

 Clover exchanged a few words with the soldiers at the gate and they exited the military zone and stepped into the street.  

 “There are still a few grim getting in,” Clover said as they turned left at the gate and started a long loop around the middle few blocks of town, “so if we get lucky, I’ll get my chance to see you use it.”

 Qrow smiled and they strolled in silence. There weren’t many people on the streets after everything that had happened. There was still quite a bit of damage too, it made the place feel eerie. Like the calm before the storm.

 “If we go around this way, we can check the damaged sections of the wall on the way,” Clover gestured down an alley off to their left.

 “Lead the way.”

 The wall had been braced with rubble and some beams from a house which had been demolished a little way off. It seemed secure enough, for the time being.

 “So how long have you been leading the Ace Ops?” Qrow asked, trying to make conversation.

 “Not long, General Ironwood liked my style. Figured I’d be a good choice to keep the team from killing each other, I guess.”

 “That bad?”

 “A bit like herding cats but I like it,” Clover shook his head, “They’re good at what they do and they’ve got my back. And we’ve been lucky so far.”

 “No surprises there,” Qrow sighed.

 “I might have had a little look into your history too,” Clover said, not making eye contact. “Seems you’re a bit famous.”

 “Infamous,” Qrow muttered, then added louder, “You could have just asked me, you know.”

 “Well, where would be the fun in that?”

 “Not much fun in any of it, I’m afraid,” Qrow sighed. He realised he was being melancholy and hastily re-joined, “Things have been better recently though, I feel like with Team RWBY we can really make a difference. It’s probably just wishful thinking but you know… they’re so young and enthusiastic, it’s kind of…”

 “Infectious?” Clover finished, “I find luck’s like that too.”

 “Does that mean I get lucky?” Qrow asked, only realising what he was saying after the words had escaped. He felt heat rising in his cheeks. Yay! I’m going to blush! This is turning out just swell.

 “I’m not sure yet,” Clover smiled, “Guess we’ll find out.”

 Qrow turned away to hide the rising pink in his cheeks, just as the sounds of shouts for help reached their ears. Maybe I am getting luckier after all, he thought as they ran towards the noise. I’m much less likely to stuff up fighting than conversation…

 Four Boarbatusks had a woman pinned down in the middle of the street, further back a man and a young boy cowered, eyes desperately fixed on the scene. Clover cast his rod and the hook sailed through the air, one of the grim leapt forward to knock the line away. Qrow fired two shots moving fast, he took out the first grim with a sweeping blow of the scythe in sword form and then leapt high. The hook found its target and pulled the second grim off its feet. Qrow arced high and landed, decapitating the beast with a sweeping blow. The third creature knocked him backwards and as he spun up into the air, he could see Clover looking up at him, rod casually slung over one shoulder. He really was enjoying the show, it seemed.

 Halfway between amusement and irritation, Qrow kicked off the building and flipped high. The grim advanced on the prone woman and her shriek cut through the air. He threw the blade and it stuck in the ground between them. Out of the corner of his eye, Qrow saw the silver hook sail past him; he landed and then grabbed the line as it flew by, yanking Clover off his feet and into the melee. No spectators thanks, Qrow smiled. Clover landed in front of him and swept the rod low, knocking the nearest grim off its feet. Qrow pressed a latch and his sword became his beloved scythe, he rolled over Clover’s back and swept it in a level arc. The third grim erupted into tatters of black. The very last creature reared back, its sharp hoofs cleaving the air above Clover’s head. Qrow finished his circle and brought the scythe point down. The blade pierced the grim’s head and it was over, seconds after it had begun.

 Qrow stretched out a hand to lift Clover off the cobbles, “Out of ten?” he asked.

 Clover stood and dusted himself off, “Eight? I like the scythe better,” he smiled.

 “Me too,” Qrow stepped over to where the lady still lay and helped her gently to her feet. Her family came running, the man shouting, “Esther! Oh thank you, thank you!” to the two men.

 Qrow opened his mouth to say, “It was nothing,” but Clover beat him to it.

 “You’re welcome,” he said. “You can tell your friends you were saved by Qrow Branwen.”

 Qrow cringed.

 “You really have a problem with compliments, hey?” Clover teased as they walked away.

 “I’m just not the round-of-applause type,” Qrow muttered.

 “Well, I think you could use some practice.”

 “What do you mean?” Qrow asked, highly suspicious.

 “I’ll say something nice about you and you just have to take it.”

 “Really?”

 “Really.”

 “That sounds extremely awkward,” Qrow observed, suppressing a little thrill.

 “Only if you make it that way,” Clover grinned, “Come on, look at me.”

 They stopped walking. Qrow turned to face him and looked deep into those blindingly bright turquoise eyes. He swallowed.

 “You’re an amazing role model,” Clover said.

 Qrow blinked, struggling for an appropriate reaction.

 “You’re a great fighter. I’ve heard stories about your time at the academy that just about made my hair curl.”

 Qrow’s mouth twitched with a hint of a smile.

 “You’re determined. I know you’ve had a lot to deal with these last few years but you never give up.”

 Qrow looked at the ground. He felt like he’d given up a thousand times but… he was still here.

 “You’re..”

 “No, you’re right. I can’t do it,” Qrow laughed awkwardly.

 “Come on, just one more,” Clover’s hand reached out and found Qrow’s elbow. Qrow looked up and their eyes met, “You’re very sexy.”

 Qrow’s eyes widened and he stepped back.

 “Uh.. sorry,” Clover laughed, “Just an observation.”

 Qrow took a breath, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

 “I wax lyrical and that’s all I get? Harsh,” Clover smiled.

 “I’ve got a lot more where that came from,” Qrow stepped forward and one hand found Clover’s hip. A hand found his waist in return and their lips met. Qrow leaned into the kiss, revelling in the heat of him, the taste of him. He could feel every inch of where their bodies met. The hunger which had been simmering in him flared bright. Finally, they parted.

 Qrow noted, with a great deal of pleasure, that Mr Confidence finally seemed just a little flustered.

 “Well…” Clover grinned, “We still have a patrol to finish but after that… I have a place near the eastern watch tower, maybe you’d like to come over?”

 “I think I’d like that a lot,” Qrow said.

 He let Clover take a few steps before he started to walk after him, watching his muscled ass jiggle.

 A hellavalot.

 And suddenly the rod made all too much sense.

 Hook

 Line

 And sinker.

---xxx---

Part 2 HERE XD

[ranposlittle]

Can I get a matchup pls? 🌸 (I'm a Pisces, INFP, and type 4? idk my harry potter house ;-;) I'm 21 year old, 5'7" tall woman, that is Bi with a slight preference for guys. I have short wavy/curly hair with bangs and dark brown eyes (and glasses!). I'm a bit shy and sensitive. I enjoy playing video games, watching anime, listening to music, and reading. I'm a bit of a romantic, a bit lazy and sometimes awkward. It takes me a while to open up to others as well! I hope this is enough! Thank u!

I ship you with...

☠️ Dazai Osamu ☠️

As a true Pisces, INFP and a Type 4, you're obviously drawn to Dazai and he's obviously drawn to you, like a moth to a flame.

You're a healer and Dazai is the perfect person for you. You met him and in an instant you knew, the man is awfully broken. Whether you're aware of it or not, all you want to do is to fix him. You want to understand all of his pain and make everything alright. That is because you know how it feels. You are very familiar to the harshness of the world and because of your emphatic nature, you don't wish for anybody else to experience it if you can help it. Pisces are known to be the most sensitive of all the zodiac signs and this makes you very good in understanding people, even enigmatic ones like Dazai.

Despite being a practical and logical person, Dazai is highly intuitive too. Like you, he can also see through people like they're transparent. It only took him a few hours to know what kind of person you are. Although both of you are the ones who don't open up easily and reserve your most authentic thoughts and feelings to people you know very well, the instant connection you felt for each other allowed you to have a deeper conversation. There was some small talk in the beginning, of course. You were shy and polite and Dazai had to lead the discussion but it's not like he minds. He knew how to steer the topics so he'll get to find out things about you that he's curious about. You didn't even notice that you're sharing more information about yourself than you normally do with people you just met. Dazai just made you feel comfortable and safe. Whatever the topic is, he always listens to what you have to say and shares his thoughts as well; an open and supportive exchange of ideas.

Dazai's comedic side was irresistible to you, too. His eccentric humour and odd jokes never fail to make you laugh. You easily got along with him because of his offbeat personality, he's a curious individual and you love it. You value his authenticity and you often get lost in a good conversation with him as he tells you strange stories and talk about things that excites you; anime, movies, books and music. He's pretty knowledgeable about all of them even if you didn't really thought he would be. You even went into an arcade where you spend hours on end playing different games and Dazai was just surprisingly good at it. You enjoy every minute spent with him as your perspective of his personality widen and you explore the universe that's Dazai's mind.

The more you delved into his world, the more you understood that Dazai has a part of himself that goes deeper, a part of him that's hidden away in the dark. You can feel it, you can see it on his eyes and you weren't entirely shock when you heard about Dazai's past. You're accepting and nonjudgmental so it wasn't hard for Dazai to feel secure in telling you his truth, if anything, he thinks you deserve to know. You're so compassionate and caring towards him and he just know that you'll understand. You wrapped him in a warm embrace after he shared that part of himself with you and then, you thanked him for telling you and that you're sorry that it happened to him. You're sorry that the world made him suffer in such a young age and you're sorry that you can't do anything about it. If only you could go back in time and protect him from everything, you would. You hugged him tighter as you wish that your warmth will somehow glue his broken pieces back together. Dazai melted in to your arms and felt flowers grew on an empty part of his being.

Although Dazai greatly appreciates your affection and love, he knows you'll want to take on all of his problems for him once you knew about it. That's just how you are. He wouldn't allow you to, though. Dazai assures you that he can handle it, flexing his arms to show you how strong he is. You smiled but the worried look on your eyes is still there so he turned a bit more serious to let you know that those experiences he had that messed him up is also the same reason why he's strong now. Without those things happening to him, he wouldn't have found a reason for his existence and he wouldn't have found you. Dazai assured you that he's definitely out of the dark now and that if ever he trips and would be in need of your sensual healing, he'll let you know. You hit his shoulder lightly for making a joke in the middle of a serious topic before he hugged you, thanking you for your love and promising you that he's okay.

What Dazai really love about you is your inner strength. Though you maybe timid and soft, you're not weak. When boundaries are crossed, you're not afraid to stand up for yourself and especially for the people that you love. You're also unwavering with your beliefs and values. You decide for yourself what seems right and doesn't let outside opinions change your views if it doesn't resonate with you. Individualism is important to you and that often leads you to a lonely road but as long as you stay true to yourself, it doesn't really matter. You're constantly looking for ways to improve yourself and cheer on other's personal growth. Dazai's heart just want to overflow with adoration whenever he sees this side of you. How someone as gentle as you can also be so strong is a motivation for him to keep fighting for the things that matters to him. You're just such a beacon of light in Dazai's dim life.

Overall, I think you'll be the perfect blend together because Dazai, despite his bitter past, can be a healthy partner for you. He's strong and positive enough to not let you lose your identity as you take care of him. He'll constantly encourage you to take more care of yourself above anyone else. His weird behavior also adds a lot of fun in the relationship and you can spend your lazy days on the couch, playing video games and just messing around with each other. When Dazai sees you getting pouty whenever you lose a round though, he'll pull some act to actually let you win. He'll just laugh and praise you when you rub it on his face. Sometimes, he'll even steal your glasses and wear them when he wants you to pay attention to him. He'll run around making girlish giggles as you chase him down, screaming at him that you can't see. He'll return them after you've given him enough attention, don't worry. You'll have tons of fun together all the while having a very intimate and deep relationship. One moment you're being silly like children, the next you're cuddled up outside and stargazing while Dazai run his fingers on the waves of your hair. You'll be one of those couples that can just feel the other even if you're miles away. And even if Dazai isn't as into mysticism as you probably are, he also believes that you're meant to be. Destiny or some other unseen force brought you together for a good reason and it's to make life more magical for the both of you. He's not sure yet if he truly believes in heaven but being with you convinces him a little bit more that it's probably true.

***

Thank you for dropping by, anon! You know what, anon, I think we'll get along. I'm an INFP too and I also have Pisces in me bcos I'm a cusp. That's probably why I get a bit carried away and made this a bit too long hehe anyways, I hope this will make you happy and stay awesome! Here's a song from Dazai to youuu~ (･ω･)つ

[sarifel-corrisafid-ilxhel]

Concept Piece #5

Had an idea once. A story where the main character doesn’t know anything about Yeerks, Andalites, Skrit-Na, Pemalites, or Nine Inch Nails. What they do know is a weird guy at college named Alan Fangor.

“Now, E equals m c squared is only part of the equation, even though that’s the part everyone remembers. It only applies to objects at rest. Can anyone think back to their assignment from yesterday and tell me what the equation for an object in motion is?”

The professor looked around at the class expectantly. Blank stares and no response from everybody. A frown crossed his face as his head swept across the room. He looked at me. Uh-oh.

I hastily covered the papers on my desk- I was actually still working on my assignment in class in hopes of turning it in before the class ended and salvaging what was left of my GPA. Crap, he saw it.

“Mr. Davidson?”

I cleared my throat. “Sorry Professor, I don’t know.”

He nodded. “Right. Anybody?” Annoyance crept into his voice. “Did anybody even do the work I assigned?” The professor’s gaze fell on a student in the back of the classroom.

“How about you Alan, you look like you’re about to burst out of your seat.”

Alan had been leaning forward, his mouth covered with the side of a balled up fist. His leg twitched a little as he stared intently at the chalkboard, like he was staring through the formulas the professor had written. Maybe he hoped if he stared at it hard enough, it would catch fire.

The professor raised his voice. “Mr. Fangor, are you with us?”

Alan jerked suddenly as he realized the professor was talking to him. “The equation for the relationship between energy and and mass at speed is E squared equals mc squared, squared, plus pc squared, but special considerations have to be taken for-” He stopped suddenly and covered his face with both hands. I thought I heard him groan.

“Thank you, somebody actually reads the material!” The professor returned to the chalkboard and began to scribble more equations onto the board. “Now if we were to assume an object has no mass, such as a photon, we would use E equals pc, because the mass is zero and doesn’t have any impact on the equation. You could include it for completeness, but physicists don’t have time for zeros...” ”Negligible isn’t zero,” Alan muttered quietly before his head hit the desk with a ‘thunk’. He returned to sketching in his notebook, frowning every now and then. I was pretty sure he didn’t take notes in these classes.

.....

“Hey, Alan!”

Alan whipped around in surprise and nearly fell over as I jogged up behind him. He steadied himself, but I couldn’t help grinning. The guy was a klutz.

Finally, with a grumble of annoyance, he figured out how to respond. “What?”

“Sorry about startling you. Uh, I wanted to ask if you wanted to come to a game night. Some friends of mine and I run a fantasy campaign, and we were looking for new players...” He gave me a strange look. “Uh, I saw your doodles,” I explained. “It seems like something you’d be interested in.”

Alan was new to the university. He had transferred in from...somewhere. I never actually found out where. But he was one of the smartest people there, at least with the sciences and computers. I’d never met anyone who could tell you about why he thought Einstein was wrong but couldn’t tell you the difference between baseball and soccer. That was Alan, though. Brilliant. Crazy. He had an imagination larger than the universe I lived in.

“Oh...” He looked down briefly. “You weren’t supposed to see those.”

“Why not? They’re awesome. That centaur with the scorpion tail looks absolutely sweet.”

“Yeah, they’re um...They’re private. For a game I was working on.”

“I see.”

He was silent for a moment, and then he turned to walk away. I watched him, briefly. As far as I knew, his only friend was a girl he liked named Loren. His head was always elsewhere, up in space I guess. He was never going to get through life like that. He needed somebody to bring him down to Earth. I ran back up to him.

“Hey, wait! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. Look...” I fumbled for the words for a moment. “We meet every other Friday at my place.” I offered him a small piece of paper with an address on it. “You can bring Loren if you’d like. I’d really like it if you came, at least once. I think you’d enjoy it.”

Alan stared at the piece of paper before slowly taking it. He shoved it into his pocket unceremoniously, and I sighed. He wasn’t going to come. “Thanks, I guess.”

There was one last thing I could think of. One thing that might sway him, change his mind. I had been saving it, just in case. “We’re going to have snacks there. Hotdogs, chips and dip, salsa. We were thinking about bringing cinnamon buns.”

His eyes lit up, and he stared at me. “And I can bring Loren?”

“Yeah, of course. We’ll have enough for everybody.”

He was silent for a moment, studying me. And then, finally: “I’ll see what she says.” Hah! Success! I knew the snacks offer would work. You see, there’s one thing you can always count on with college students- They’ll go anywhere for free food.

.....

Alan was reclining on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. His fingers drummed along the edge of the seat. “A few of the aliens in Star Wars might have been a little realistic, but most of them were clearly just humans in costume. Star Trek is even worse. Now, if you want to talk about real aliens, you’ve gotta think outside the box. Maybe some are centaurs? Maybe some are slugs. We’ll um...we’ll call the slugs Yeerks.”

It was our bi-weekly gathering of the nerds, and everyone was there. We were all extremely excited about a new movie that had just come out called Star Wars, and our D&D game had been postponed to talk about it.

“Slugs? You mean like, giant monster slugs?” I tried to imagine what an alien slug might look like, and all I could see was a large garden slug scaling the side of the Empire State Building with a small woman clinging to its eyestalks. I laughed. “Ok Al, that can’t possibly be more realistic than the Klingons.”

Al fixed me with a look that said he was dead serious. Next to him, his girlfriend Loren had turned her head to listen. “No, small ones. Maybe...” He leaned forward and scribbled on a piece of paper. “Maybe five, six inches long?” He frowned and chewed on the end of the pencil as he thought. “Lets say they’re parasites. They crawl into your brain, through the ear..."

Richie snorted. "Yeah, right." He rolled his eyes at me for a moment. "There isn't a direct path from the ear to the brain, Alan. Now, the Egyptians used to pull mummy brains out through the nose, so maybe that would work..."

Alan arched his eyebrows before looking back up at the ceiling. "My point is, aliens should be alien. They shouldn't look like your uncle got into your aunt's makeup." He reached for another nacho and dipped it in his soda before crunching down. Yeah. Alan's strange. But he had a point, I guess?