#it’s probably fun for five minutes before Trauma sets in

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: ptsd / ]

The boys (and April!) would have loved to have their own Space Arc like the other iterations. Being such avid fans of Jupiter Jim, I think they’d have a blast just taking in the fact that they’re in space.

Imagine them gravity being turned off while they’re in space, and they’re floating and having fun in the spaceship and they look out into the darkness of space and-

And…

Leo’s floating, staring out into grey blankness, and everything hurts and he’s alone and this was his choice but he’s scared-

Things get less fun after they realize they already had a small taste of what space had to offer.

[calissarowan]

I'm wondering what you think about dating the wizards. Like how would they be in a relationship? How would they treat you? How open would they be? If you did that already then sorry for the question.

Ooh, amazing question! No, I haven’t done that before, and let’s have some fun with this. Just to clarify, this is just them dating in general, not dating me specifically. Mostly because I’d crash and burn with two out of the four wizards in the first five minutes. (I’ll let you wonder which two.) I didn’t expect this to get as long as it did, so I’ll put in a keep reading.

Ogron in a relationship…is a tricky situation. Relationships are based on trust, and Ogron has the least trust out of any human being ever. He has a lot of issues and unresolved trauma (so do all the other wizards, but Ogron pretends he doesn’t), and his frustration and emotional upset has a tendency to get projected. A new partner would probably find themselves on the receiving end of that projection. He likes to set himself above other people, so a partner would probably find themselves feeling like they weren’t being listened to. He probably is listening, he’s just also listening to all his stress-points at the same time, and they’re very loud. He’s argumentative, and absolutely anything, even the tiniest thing, will be over-analysed until ‘Sorry, I’m busy tonight’, has been assessed so much that the man could write a thesis on it. Emotional vulnerability is seemingly off the table, and his partner would have to not be offended by the fact he wants to keep them out of just about every part of him. His mother left him when he was young, so he has really bad abandonment issues, which are another obstacle to be dealt with.

But! If, by some miracle, someone sticks by him through the anxiety, breakdowns, yelling, nit-picking, judgement and constant brush-offs, he’ll start to see them differently. He’s been the absolute nightmare that is him, and they’re still there. They still want to be there. For him. And that makes him feel so valued and cared for, and he starts to very gradually calm down, and even begin to let them in. It’s really, really small stuff at first. He’ll choose his partner over staying up until two am working on a plan. A very, very casual remark about his family. Anything pertaining to his parents, even if it’s as simple as his father liking a specific kind of plant, is a very rare and special invitation to step further into his life and heart, and it should be treasured and afforded the utmost respect. He needs to be listened to if he’s speaking; never interrupt, even casually, because regardless of what he’s saying, if his partner cuts him off, he feels they don’t care about what he was saying, and thus what he thinks, and thus about him. And then the spiralling starts. Once some brave soul has battled through everything Ogron’s emotional issues can throw at them, he will have the utmost respect for them, and they will become one of the most important people in his life, and likely his rock, because he needs someone to hold him steady. Once you’re there, Ogron is actually fairly playful, loving a good few hours of witty banter, and his partner will be regaled with long talks about whatever interests him this week, but he’ll also learn about whatever interests them, and then somehow know more than them, but it’s endearing. He’s a judgy, paranoid, overly-emotional mess, but goddamn it, he will become your judgy, paranoid, overly-emotional mess, and you will never want to let this very broken man out of your life if you’ve managed to get into his.

It’s very hard to tell if Gantlos actually likes just about anyone to start with. Stony glares from him are roughly equivalent to a neutral smile. If he actually gives someone a neutral smile, they are in, they’ve done it, he likes them. Gantlos would treat his partner (currently Duman) with the highest respect, and always, always put their needs before his own. If they had a sprained ankle and he had two broken legs, a dislocated shoulder, bruised ribs and a concussion, he’d still insist on carrying them everywhere. Of course, that ends with both parties in a heap, but Gantlos is too stubborn to acknowledge that, because he’s fine. This lack of ability to acknowledge being hurt can lead to a fair few heart attacks for his partner, like when he breaks a limb, and they flip out, and he says, ‘No, it’s fine. Look, it’s really just like I gained a new joint! It’s positive!’ Best bet for getting him medical help is usually to wait until he passes out and just drag him to the hospital. So that’s fun for his partner…

About how open he is, honestly? Gives Ogron a run for his money in being closed-off. Ask him about just about anything personal, and, while Ogron will snap, Gantlos will just shut up. In my headcanon, he had a very traumatic experience when he was younger that left him with some serious scarring, so, basically, he won’t take his shirt off around his partner for a very long time, because he’s traumatised and ashamed. It’s very, very important to acknowledge it when you first see it, but not to look freaked out, or to say anything negative. ‘It’s not as bad as I was expecting’ is usually a good way to go. Duman went for ��Well I have like ten more scars, so I win.’ Which was…risky. But, surprisingly, got a laugh.

Again, personal headcanon, but I headcanon that he’s part vampire, so that part of him is kept firmly away from his partner as long as possible. He’ll refuse to touch them while vampiric, out of a fear that he’ll hurt them. Just trust him completely, because someone has to have faith in him when he doesn’t. He really just needs to be accepted.

Once Gantlos is in love with someone, it’s pretty much the case that if someone dares hurt them, he will hunt that person down and obliterate them. He doesn’t do well at offering advice on problems, or just romance in general, so his partner kinda has to lead the way. He’s also kinda overprotective, which can end up being a little suffocating, but that’s just a conversation that has to be had. He cares so fiercely and passionately; he’d die for someone he loves.

Anagan is attentive, caring, and has a tendency to go a bit overboard showing he has feelings for his partner. He treats them with the highest respect, and he’s always on their side. Even if they’re wrong. Even if they’re seriously wrong. He can’t really call his partner out until he’s incredibly comfortable, because he has serious issues with being an appeaser. He doesn’t want to start a fight, and if he has to be wrong every day for the rest of his life, well then so be it. His partner’s every problem will be attentively listened to, and he will then try to fix it. Usually through advice, but sometimes on his own, which has…mixed results. He just wants to help, though.

He has a bit of an inferiority complex, so he actually will get jealous pretty easily. Not in an aggressive, judgmental way, but in a ‘could that other person do a better job than me’ way. He just gets very sad and broody, and this has to be picked up on very quickly, or it spirals a bit until Anagan is simultaneously depressed and enthusiastically showing you how much he loves you.

In terms of how open he is, he’s actually the most open of all the wizards. His past can be discussed relatively quickly, though more details will follow as he and his partner get closer. He tends not to say how he’s feeling unprompted, but if he’s asked, he’ll admit it quite easily, and he’ll offer an explanation. So as long as you meet him halfway, he’s a good communicator.

He’s definitely the kind of boyfriend that likes to surprise his partner with nice things, like a romantic dinner, or a gift. He loves giving flowers, but not cut ones. Living plants, that must subsequently be taken care of. Sometimes, his partner is bad with plants, so Anagan subsequently rescues his plants and takes them back home. His partner can visit them somewhere they’re not drowning or practically blowing away as dust. Innocent plants are not getting sacrificed for a relationship they aren’t a part of, and that’s final. All in all, a great boyfriend to have.

Duman is…insanity in leather. For the beginning of most relationships, he’d barely even dip into being serious, just being sarcastic and making jokes and doing dumb stuff. Honestly, the entire start is a shield, so he can see if they leave. He didn’t do this with Gantlos, because Gantlos knew him way too well, but with anyone else, he’s just waiting for them to leave. Like Ogron, he has serious, serious abandonment issues, so he tends to be pretty…clingy. He wants to go everywhere with his partner, and the idea of them going away for a few days makes him very edgy because what if they never come back?! This also makes him jealous, because what’s to stop his partner just leaving him for that guy over there? Nothing! He and Gantlos are thankfully past this, but it was a bit of an issue to begin with, until Gantlos said that he was being ridiculous, and if he ever found someone more perfect for him than Duman, then reality would clearly be broken.

Like Gantlos, Duman really needs to be accepted. He shows off his shapeshifting a lot, but he was mistreated because of it in the past, and part of him is still self-conscious, so his powers can never be judged, and he can never be looked at as an animal, because he’s not one, and he’ll get very upset. Though, for the most part, he’s come to accept himself, and he believes everyone else should too, so his partner’s every flaw will be loved as much as their greatest qualities, because nobody deserves to be shamed.

He’s an absolute tease, and he’s always playful. He always wants to be able to make his partner laugh, and if they’re sad, it becomes his life’s mission not to stop until they’re smiling again. He’s very overly-dramatic, and this just has to be tolerated. Nod along when he acts like he’s cut his finger off, and it’s just a paper cut. It’s important to him. He needs attention, and lots of it. He was neglected for a long time, so feeling like someone’s priority is very important to him.

Actually pretty open. He’ll talk about his past and feelings, but it’s ninety-percent in the form of sarcastic pseudo jokes. You’re just going to have to piece his emotional state together through sarcasm, and figure out his backstory from traumatic anecdotes he laughs awkwardly after telling. He thinks he’s over it all, so don’t correct him.

Generally, he becomes someone’s safe space after a while. He doesn’t judge, because he knows how much that sucks. When it comes to Gantlos, he’s pretty much got this traumatised, insecure, stoic, hurt wizard, and it’s his life’s mission to make him feel loved, accepted and valued. It’s an uphill battle, but he’ll succeed.

And that’s the wizards in relationships! Great question; thanks for sending it in! I hope I answered it well. What did you think?

[totaleclipse573]

What if the Doom bros had all grown up together?

This is actually really interesting to think about

Because theres three different places in this scenario : The ARK, the Black Comet, and the New Black Comet

For the ARK, lets just assume the deal was never made and Terios got to stay. And somehow Eclipse is here. Maybe I'll think up some reason for that the second I post the response 😭 These three, they're running around the space colony ALL THE TIME. They have 100% ran into people before, some being understanding, and others...not so much. Little freaks of nature.

Eclipse wants everyones attention all the time. MARIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO SHADOW FOR FIVE MINUTES ITS MYYYYYYY TURN NOWWWWWWWWW. Terios is still shy and anxious, but not nearly as much as his normal counterpart. I like to think Shadow on the ARK was a silly boy. Like Sonic but also not exactly? If that makes sense? Chaos trio

We do not talk about the inevitable incident.

If they were all on the New Black Comet things would've been pretty interesting ngl. Would they have ended up overpowering GUN and getting rid of the bomb somehow? Would it have set off anyway and now the three of them landed on Angel Island, only to be separated? Their personalities having grown up together in this scenario probably wouldn't have changed all that much aside from the gremlin showing a little more in Shadow and Eclipse XD And also fatherly pressure. Fun for these guys.

Now the FUN one. The Black Comet. With Doleon. All three of them.

I'd like to think that with three of them instead of one, there would at least be some support for each other whenever Doleon decides to do his things to one or more of them, someone the brothers at least know they can find comfort in. On the other hand...its two more kids for Doleon to try and break for his benefit. And make no mistake, HE WILL, NO MATTER WHAT (even if Shadow is a lot more stubborn, along with Eclipse slightly less so) Interesting to think, what if all three had been connected to the Shards like Terios had, and that trauma and pain was something they could relate over...also, the fact that its not just Terios and Doleon, or Shadow and Doleon, with the invasion. Its the three bros in this together now. That either means they can help each other slip out of the manipulation faster, or they stay in it longer, if one starts to question things and the other two assure theres nothing wrong, and the cycle repeats.

Sorry for the rant that probably didn't answer the actual question 😅 REALLY interesting to think about though

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

The Same Page Part 3

Not me saying I would make this a series and then taking forever to update 🥴.

Not sure how many parts this is going to be, probably not many. I’m not sure how good I am at writing series, I might stick to one-shots after another chapter or so, who knows.

Anyway, Reader finally confronts Sherlock and Mycroft for lying to her, at least a bit.

Warnings: angst, I guess that’s it?

Same Page Masterlist:

At least you had stopped crying.

That was the only bright side Mycroft could see as he stood next to you, your laser beam gaze directed at Sherlock’s watch resting in your shaking palms.

He had left half an hour ago, promising to return in two hours, and once you had calmed down, you had settled on Mycroft’s couch with seemingly no intention of removing your attention from Sherlock’s watch until the moment he arrived back.

“Y/N?” Mycroft approached his little sister gently. She didn’t look up. “Y/N, please look at me.” Nothing.

Mycroft considered taking the watch from your hands, but he didn’t want to set you into a panic attack.

Even after all this time, he still wasn’t completely confident in his place as your caregiver. It was impossible to be, given your condition. It was impossible to know when it was right to give you space to do your thing, and when to give out some tough love to get you into better habits.

He had started out leaning more into tough love, it was much more his style when it came to his siblings. It was effective in some cases, such as shaving your hair or the strict eating schedule he had you on to make sure that you didn’t starve yourself. But in other cases, such as when he had tried to free you from the separation anxiety you had developed by leaving you with Molly or John or any of Sherlock’s friends while he went to work, had been absolutely disastrous. Every time he had tried over the past two years, he had been called home early. Once because of a panic attack, once because you had run away to go after him, once because you had gone completely feral and tried to fight your way out of the house, and many other catastrophic events. Your desperate need for your brother was something he couldn’t seem to get out of you, and he suspected that you would be even worse with Sherlock now that he was back.

How else could he expect you to act, after falling apart over Sherlock’s death only to find out he was alive? You would be scared to death to let him out of your sights, Mycroft was sure.

But he couldn’t just let you sit here for hours, staring at that darned watch. You would go mad.

“Y/N please look at me,” he pleaded yet again. It was as if you hadn’t even heard him.

He wasn’t ready to take the watch away quite yet, because he didn’t want to see you in even more distress. He settled for sitting next to you on the couch and placing a firm hand on your shoulder.

“Y/N? I know you can hear me.”

Nothing.

“It’ll be a while before Sherlock is back, why don’t we do something fun?”

Still nothing.

Two years ago, Mycroft would’ve gotten incredibly impatient with the silent girl in front of him. But two years of endless, exhaustive navigating through the minefield of your grief and anxiety had given him more patience than he thought possible. He carefully placed his hand over the face of Sherlock’s watch.

That got your attention. A cry of protest left your lips as you pulled at Mycroft’s hand, trying to move it from the face of the watch. Mycroft grabbed your wrist with his free hand, leaning forwards so that his face flooded your field of vision.

“Y/N, listen to me. It’s alright, you know what time it is. You’ve been staring non-stop at that watch for forty-five minutes, Sherlock won’t be back for a while, please take a break.”

“Please,” it was the first word you’d spoken since Sherlock had left. “Mycroft, please.”

“You’re going to worry yourself into a fit, staring at that watch. He won’t be home for a while, this isn’t healthy and you know it.”

Your eyes finally found his. Two years of practice or no, Mycroft knew he would never get used to that look in your eyes. The wild, desperate searching, as though you were waiting for him to solve every problem, lest you fall to pieces before his very eyes.

“He is coming back. Trust me, please.”

Your fingers slacked on the watch, and Mycroft pulled it from your grasp, before pulling you into his arms.

“Tell me what you’re feeling.” That was another thing Mycroft would never get used to. He didn’t like to talk about feelings, and he almost never understood yours. But you needed his help, and he couldn’t help you if he didn’t know exactly where to start.

“Scared.”

This answer didn’t surprise Mycroft. It was the answer he got most often when he asked the question.

“Go on.”

…

You shifted in Mycroft’s arms, resting your head against his chest. He wasn’t the only one uncomfortable with this conversation.

You may be more “normal” than your brothers, but talking about your feelings wasn’t something you were very comfortable with. Still, you knew Mycroft was trying to help you, and you wanted to make that easier for him if you could.

That would require you to actually stop and think about your own feelings. What were you afraid of? It was hard to tell these days, you only knew that you felt it a lot. The rapid beating of your heart, the horrible ache in your gut, and that anxious, restless, almost indescribable feeling. That pain that pulled and scratched at your insides, like your anxiety was some kind of monster trying to rip its way through your body, consume you entirely. It felt like a living thing, tearing down every good thing that had ever existed for you.

You tried to see past it, to feel past the monster to the feeling that fed it.

“I’m scared he won’t come back.” You said finally. But that wasn’t it, not all of it.

“I’m scared…I’m scared every time I close my eyes, that when I open them I’ll-I’ll be lying in my bed, and this will all have been a dream. That I’ll have to go back to the way things have been for the past two years.” Hot tears stung your eyes, and you hung your head so Mycroft wouldn’t see.

“What can I do?” Mycroft’s voice vibrated against the side of your head, and you relaxed further into him, comforted by his presence.

“I don’t know.”

…

Your answer was barely audible, and had Mycroft not been so close to you he wouldn’t have heard it. He knew you were telling the truth, and that did nothing to stave the worry that was eating away at him. How was he supposed to know how to help you if you didn’t even know what would help? How was he supposed to take away this fear, when he knew it wasn’t an irrational one?

Countless times over the past two years, he had had to go into your room at night to comfort you after you had awoken from a dream only to find out that it was just that, and Sherlock was still dead.

But now that he was truly alive, how were you to distinguish dream from reality anymore, an ability that had been evading you for two years?

“How about we play our game, hm?” Mycroft pulled you away from him and looked down into your face. Your eyes were red-rimmed, and tears were trailing down your face. You hesitated to answer him, your eyes once again falling on Sherlock’s watch.

“It’s only been a few minutes,” Mycroft assured you. “Now come on. What do you see?”

You seemed to regain focus, and Mycroft happily noted that the tears had yet again stopped. Your eyes surveyed the room before stopping on the floor near the front door.

“Unopened box of running shoes.”

Mycroft glanced at where you were looking, and did something most unusual to his character. He began to laugh, and was delighted to see the slight smile that dusted your cheeks.

“Yes yes, point made, I’ll get back to my running schedule when I get a chance. What else?”

It was a game that he had started long ago, when you had first begun to have the trouble distinguishing your dreams from reality. Mycroft knew that in dreams, your subconscious could not create a fully accurate picture of reality, so he had created this game. It was a game that let you stop and examine your surroundings, take stock of the items and people around you, to prove that what you were seeing was real. The clock was right, Mycroft had only five fingers, the sun was in the sky, the flowerpot was in its proper place, that sort of thing. It grounded you, helped you be certain of what you were seeing when asking Mycroft “dream or awake?” didn’t ease your troubled mind.

The unfortunate thing about this game was that it could only go so long, and soon enough you were again reaching to grab Sherlock’s watch.

Mycroft put his hand over yours, stopping your movement.

“It isn’t time yet.”

“How do you know?” You demanded, “neither of us have looked at the time in a while.”

“I set a timer in the kitchen. It will go off approximately five minutes before Sherlock’s intended arrival.”

You finally withdrew your hand from the watch. “Really?”

“I promise.”

Once again you lifted your eyes to meet Mycroft’s. “Hey, Mycroft?”

He could sense fear in your tone, and it alarmed him. “Yes?”

“Am I going to get better now?” Your voice had gone quiet, as though even though you were asking him, you didn’t want him to hear.

“Better? Sweetheart, I-“

Your voice rose in volume, “now don’t pretend that I’m ok, Mycroft. I know how bad these last two years have been. I know how hard it is for you. I haven’t felt like me in—well, in a while.” You were leaning towards Mycroft now. Mycroft knew that stance, and it surprised him. It was the way you looked when you wanted to be hugged, but didn’t want to ask for one, or intrude on his space. He hadn’t seen that stance in a long time. Over the past two years, the two of you had gotten very acquainted with being close to one another, because you couldn’t bear to be away from him.

In a way, Mycroft was almost glad to see your hesitancy. As much as he had been glad that you were comfortable with him, your hesitance to ask for his comfort might be a sign that you were ready to pull away from it. To be more like your old self.

However, if you wanted him, he was still determined to be there. So Mycroft didn’t wait for you to ask, he simply pulled you into his arms, relieved when he felt you relax into him.

“I don’t have an answer for you, sweetheart. But I want you to know, I don’t care how hard it is. I’m here for you, and so is Sherlock.”

“I know.”

…

Sherlock arrived back the very moment he said he would, and you wasted no time running into his arms. He seemed uncomfortable, but Mycroft was glad to see that he didn’t let you see his discomfort.

Your face contorted when you pulled back enough to get a look at your big brother.

“You’re hurt.”

Sherlock gingerly touched the sore spot on his nose.

“It’s fine, I’m ok. John wasn’t as happy to see me as you were.”

Your eyes went wide, “John hit you?”

“Multiple times,” Sherlock muttered. “But I’m fine.”

You seemed hesitant to believe him, but ultimately relented. “Ok.”

…

It wasn’t long after Sherlock’s return that Mycroft insisted you go to bed.

You didn’t want to, sleeping hadn’t been a very easy or pleasant task over the past two years, but once he assured you that both he and Sherlock would be nearby, you finally obeyed your big brothers’ wishes.

It wasn’t a good night’s rest.

Sherlock’s return had done nothing to appease your nightmares, and you found yourself in the middle of yet another one featuring Sherlock—he often appeared in your dreams—dying right in front of you.

You awoke screaming, and you panicked when you felt strong arms grasping your shoulders, until your bedside lamp clicked on to reveal Sherlock holding onto you, shaking you to get you out of your nightmare.

You were gasping for air, and words wouldn’t come, so you simply collapsed into your brother’s arms and clung to his shirt, hyperventilating against his chest.

“It’s alright. You’re ok, you’re safe, I’m right here.”

“You were gone. You-you died again.” Your voice came out strained, and you felt Sherlock tense at your words.

“It’s fine, it was only a dream.”

Something about his words struck something in you.

“It wasn’t.”

“What?”

For the first time since Sherlock returned, you began to feel something other than the strange mixture of fear and relief.

Anger.

“It wasn’t just a dream. Some of that—some of it was a memory. You did die, you did leave.”

You felt Sherlock begin to pull away, and for the first time in a long time you didn’t try to stop him.

“You know why-“

“No, Sherlock, don’t.” Now that the door had opened to feelings other than fear, you felt your anger pour out like a flood out of a broken dam. “I don’t want your explanations anymore, what you did was wrong!”

“I couldn’t let them know-“

“I could’ve lied!” Your voice rose. “I’m could have pretended whatever you wanted me to! I would have done anything to know that you were alive!”

“I couldn’t take that chance.”

There were so many words you wanted to say, so many things to bite back at, that at first you weren’t sure what to say first. But then a thought occurred to you.

“Mum and dad.”

“What?” Was it just you, or did Sherlock sound nervous?

“Mum. And. Dad. They knew, didn’t they?”

Sherlock took a deep breath.

“They knew.”

If your anger was a flood before, now it was time for Noah to bring out the Ark. Words that hadn’t felt important enough to voice before suddenly came out as though they had a mind of their own.

“You could trust them but you couldn’t trust me?!”

“I was trying to keep you safe!”

“You broke me!” Your voice cracked. “I haven’t even felt like me for two years, and you did that! I don’t know how to be normal again, and it didn’t have to be this way, if you had just trusted me! But now, I’m never going to be the same again, and you did that to me!”

You were hyperventilating again, and Sherlock was silent and stiff as a board.

Suddenly you couldn’t bear to be near him anymore. The fear that had held you to his side was not nearly as important as the anger that invaded your thoughts, clogged your throat, and stung your eyes.

You threw the covers back and pushed Sherlock away, placing your bare feet on the cold floor and stumbling out of the room.

You had barely taken one step out of the door before your feelings overwhelmed you, and the strength and vigor that had come so suddenly collapsed just as quickly.

You managed to close the door behind you before your body collapsed in a heap, right there in the hallway.

The tears that had stung in the back of your eyes before now spilled out over your cheeks and onto your hands as you pulled them up to cover your face.

You didn’t know what you would do if Sherlock decided to follow you, you couldn’t bear to be around him but you also didn’t feel like you had the strength to stand, much less to run away.

You didn’t have to worry about it though. Sherlock didn’t follow you.

Or perhaps you did have to worry, although the worry was misplaced, because it was Mycroft, not Sherlock, that approached you as you sobbed on the floor. You realized that you didn’t want to see him either. He had lied to you even more than Sherlock had.

He had watched you come apart, knowing that Sherlock was really alive.

And he hadn’t said a word.

“Go away,” you managed to choke out as Mycroft leaned towards you.

He didn’t listen, and you felt his strong arms grasp your wrists and pull your hands away from your face.

Something in you snapped at that.

“I told you to go away!” You screamed, shoving and hitting at your big brother with all your strength, which, to your fury, didn’t seem to hurt or even faze him at all.

“Y/N, please calm down,” for some reason the calmness in Mycroft’s voice infuriated you more than if he had shouted at you.

You just wanted to be left alone.

…

“No, you don’t get to say that! This is your fault too, you lied to me!”

Mycroft didn’t even say a word. He knew you didn’t want explanations, you knew why he had lied, but you were still angry about it.

“I could’ve pretended! Like mom and dad, why-“ your voice cracked, and the air was silent as the grave for several seconds. Finally your voice started again, much quieter this time, but with no less hurt in your tone.

“Why didn’t you trust me?”

Mycroft didn’t know how to answer you, but fortunately he didn’t have to. You spent the next twenty minutes sobbing into your big brother’s chest, before you finally cried yourself to sleep. Mycroft stayed still for several minutes to be sure you were asleep, before he carried you back to your bed.

He was surprised to find Sherlock in your room, sitting on your bed with an almost horror-struck expression on his face.

“She blames me,” Sherlock muttered.

Mycroft signed and laid you on your bed, sitting next to Sherlock.

“We said we’d help her. No matter what she needs. Sometimes she needs comfort after a nightmare,” Mycroft paused, grimacing. “And sometimes she needs to let out her frustrations by yelling at us.”

This seemed to snap Sherlock out of his thoughts, and a new resolution passed over his features as he nodded at his brother’s words.

“No matter what. We’re on the same page.”

A ghost of a smile crossed Mycroft’s face as he repeated his brothers words.

“The same page.”

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: Ruin/DJ Music Man, Lord Eclipse/Servant Monty(OC), Servant Eclipse/Lord Ursa (OC)

Word Count: 1,145 Words

Summary: Solar actually gets therapy that works?

Warnings: Cursing, Harassment (mentioned only), Death (past, mentioned only), Therapy, Murderous Zombie (?, best way to describe it), Truth Potion, Trauma (mentioned), PTSD (mentioned), Caps, let me know if I should add anything else.

The Eclipses Chat: Chapter 4

3:15pm Whomst The Fuck?

Helix: I think I look good for Ursa, right?

Helix: Helix-in-a-sparkly-dress.jpg

Acrux: You look good Auntie Helix.

Comet: You look like a princess!

Helix: Aw, thank you, kiddos.

Venus: Lucky you. I get to deal with Lunara harassing me today.

Helix: Oooh, tough break.

Venus: You’re telling me. I wish he’d just shut up and go blow something up in his own dimension.

Orbit: Why not just shove him out of the dimension?

Venus: He’ll come harass me more.

Helix: And become much more personal.

Venus: He’s a fucking prick if you disrespect him. If I shove him out of my dimension, then he’ll come back and be even more annoying.

Helix: Selene tried to throw him out of our dimension once after he called me a dumbass and tried to throw a nuke at me. He came back like ten minutes later and harassed me for five days being transphobic, sexist, classist, ableist, and more. Like…I’m a creaky old lady bot, I know.

Venus: Yeah, I refuse to deal with him even at the Lord meetings. Not gonna deal with that.

Solar: Is having that little maniac just a universal experience? Do I not have a single unique experience?

Helix: Had to deal with him too?

Solar: He came into my old dimension before I moved and after Lunar was revived. I thought he was Lunar but like…overly sassy Lunar. Left after like ten minutes of following me around and harassing me about stuff Lunar wouldn’t say.

Helix: Yeah, that’s him. Not a unique experience.

Solar: I can’t have shit.

Rigel: Well hey, you’re the only Eclipse to get abused by their Moon.

Solar: That is not an achievement and I don’t talk about Crescent, shut.

Rigel: I see therapy didn’t work.

Solar: Noooope.

Rigel: I’ll schedule another, dw.

Helix: I’m gone. Gonna go on a date with my Ursa.

Helix is offline

Venus: Just murder me. He’s harassing me about my skirt.

Solar: I could easily kidnap you. Anything from Lunara’s dimension is banned from the dimension I’m in.

Venus: Oh please god yes. Anything but this motherfucker. I’d rather deal with you.

Solar: omw

Acrux: Com, what are your pronouns? I think you were asleep when we said them yesterday.

Comet: Oh! He/they!

Acrux: Okay, good.

Comet: But I like girly stuff.

Acrux: And that’s perfectly fine.

Phase: I like girly stuff too

Acrux: And that’s valid. So do I but a bit less than you two probably.

Umbra: Do I just have three queer kids?

Orbit: You’re even gonna question it? Of course you do. Your three kids are Eclipses. Of course they’re queer.

Umbra: I know you’re right but shut it.

Rigel: All Eclipses are some flavor of queer. Most just don’t admit it.

Orbit: Also true.

Venus: Freed from the hellspawn thank god.

Solar: Yep. No murder, no subjugation, no weird shit.

Venus: Yeah yeah just happy to not be getting harassed.

Solar: Now, I’m sending you off in my place to go dress shopping with Earth. Have fun with that.

Venus: What? You don’t wanna be in pretty dresses?

Solar: I’m not ready to delve into questioning my gender today. I’m busy today with suffering.

Rigel: Why are you suffering.

Solar: Take three guesses.

Rigel: Your Moon came back to life somehow.

Solar: Nope

Rigel: Your Monty is back alive again.

Solar: Nope

Rigel: Your Sun came back to live and is evil and tracking you down.

Solar: Ding ding ding, we have a winner. Got his note this morning.

Rigel: Wait, really?

Solar: Yes. Apparently Crescent set up a system to streamline his kill code into Corona after his death and now Corona is half-sentient with a kill code and zero self control impulses. So now basically zombie Corona is out to kill me.

Orbit: Well, shit. Hope you don’t get bit or whatever but what the actual fuck?

Solar: Like I know. But now I gotta kill my other brother for the second time.

Rigel: I’m gonna schedule more therapy.

Solar: Trust me, it’s not going to help.

Rigel: Just let me believe it’ll eventually work dammit!

Solar: Why give you false hope?

Rigel: Because I want to believe you can actually talk about your problems with someone that isn’t yourself or a mirror for the first time in your life. Literally the most I know about you is that you were 1) abused, 2) it was your Moon’s doing, 3) you’re from another universe, 4) your Sun was killed in the separation, and 5) you killed your Moon.

Solar: Yeah, that’s about it. Also, I’m a mechanic.

Rigel: Yes, everyone knows that.

Solar: Still not talking about my issues.

Rigel: I apologize beforehand in regards to your next therapy session, Solar.

Solar: Yeah yeah.

Umbra: Get this guy’s therapist a therapist, I got your PM and yes I can, Rigel.

Solar: That’s…ominous.

Rigel: Good, it better be.

Venus: I feel left out.

Rigel: You don’t want to be implicated.

Venus: Yeah okay fine.

Orbit: I feel like a back alley deal was conducted.

Rigel: It was hush.

5:53pm Whomst The Fuck?

Solar: Rigel, what was in my flavored oil?

Rigel: No clue what you mean.

Solar: Rigel, it tasted off. What did you do?

Rigel: Maybe just a little truth potion.

Solar: I hate you so much, you prick.

Rigel: Hate me as you may but you desperately need to talk to someone and this is literally the only way because you believe you don’t have a problem. I’ll be with you the whole time, you can talk to me instead of a therapist and I won’t tell anyone anything. But you need to feel these feelings you’ve been bottling up and let them out into the open. I told you all my issues and I want to be a shoulder for you to do the same. I don’t want you to struggle with this internal battle anymore when you should be receiving help for the trauma and ptsd you have.

Solar: I’m so happy you’re my friend.

Umbra: I can practically hear him crying already from Toronto.

Rigel: Hey! Bestie-Bestie confidentiality!

Umbra: Jeez okay.

8:47pm Whomst The Fuck?

Solar: Surprisingly I actually feel better now.

Rigel: I sure hope so. You cried on me for three hours.

Solar: I’m not apologizing. Any excess oil you have in your joints s your own damn fault for giving me truth potion.

Rigel: Fair enough. But i’m glad you feel better, Solar.

Solar: Okay fine, maybe I should talk about it more. I guess I’ll actually participate in therapy now.

Rigel: YESSSS

Orbit: WOOOOOO

Comet: Dad’s gonna get real therapy!!

Acrux: Good job, Dad.

Venus: Congrats you prick, I’m glad for you.

Solar: Yeah yeah but the therapist is still going to deal with me being a snarky ass.

Rigel: We know, Solar.

[ms-katonic-of-tamriel]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

SPOILERS BELOW: AoD, Wolf Queen, Prodigal Dragonborn, Unfated, And When The World Remembers

Age of the Dragon, even if it is a beast. Started out as a what if crossover, ended up being an epic adventure touching on colonialism, first contact, toxic organised religion, overcoming religious trauma, overcoming addiction, saving the world but at a cost, arriving in a new place and ending up overturning half their culture, how far are you willing to go to win, what salvation really looks like, redemption, freedom, and reuniting long-lost family. It gave me Cicero's Uncle and I love him very much. It gave Alistair his New Dog, and I love that very much too. XD

Wolf Queen Awakens - it just works. It just came together so easily, and I'm proud of it. The last scene still moves me to tears, it's like, yeah, Elisif, you did it. You saved the world. You won your throne. You avenged your husband. You got a new one. You're not a helpless figurehead any more and never will be again. And now you're Queen. You enjoy yourself, you earned this.

Prodigal Dragonborn - it is a fluffy romance between a lonely nerd who wasn't really expecting to find a partner, but was looking for an adventure and an amazing scientific discovery, and manages to come home with all three. I really liked writing Lucien. He's so sweet and lovable and definitely on the ace spectrum and probably autistic as well. Teasing out the backstory that Joseph Russell didn't put in and quite possibly didn't intend to be there was a lot of fun. "I'm the one using the library for its intended purpose and I'm the problem??" and "my amazing scientific discovery loves me back!" were the two most iconic lines, I think. Plus we also get Miraak with no memories looking for redemption and finding it in this scientist who will surely perish if not protected... and in the end, choosing love and forgiveness over wrath and retribution and realising his fate is not set in stone after all, and there doesn't have to be a divide between his real self and the part that loves Lucien. Also there's the cat. How can you not love Lucien's cat. That cat's practically a character in her own right. Lived in fear Joseph Russell would find out what I'd done with his boy and flip out when I started writing it, but by now I've largely realised I probably needn't have worried.

Unfated - crack turned serious. Silly Skyrim version of a silly DND webcomic, in which the Markarth Incident gets averted due to shenanigans but those shenanigans result in peace talks, an agreement, a wary truce between magic-phobic Stormcloaks fresh from a war that left them all traumatised and Reachfolk not sure how to treat the ones who were invading their country five minutes ago, and slowly the two cultures start merging as everyone involved starts to heal. And then the reaction comes, and consequences, and suddenly it all starts kicking off and then Teenage Cicero shows up. Soon followed by his now-Tranquil Uncle. It's got very intense, but I am enjoying picking this one up again. Also everyone's younger selves are proving a delight to write. Keirine newly First Matriarch and still unsure of herself. Madanach who never went to Cidhna Mine and has five young kids to look after. Farkas and Vilkas as teenagers. Uncle Cicero in his mid-forties. Custom follower Kaidan as a wee babby and his mum alive and I really love writing her too. Teeny tiny Leliana uprooted from Orlais and everything she's ever known. Delphine in her twenties and one Blade among many, serving alongside at least one who remembers what she was like before the war and will not put up with her crap. Elisif's parents! Tiny Vex of all people (people went nuts over Tiny Vex and she's only a bit character). MADANACH'S KIDS. Eola as a tiny baby who loves meat already and turned out to be the one to convince Ulfric to give in. And of course Ulfric Stormcloak, 29, war crimes averted, getting therapy, in a healthy relationship and healing. All the Stormcloaks, healing. Able to lay down their weapons, work with non-Nords and magic users at that, and live peacefully - mostly. It's an odd little universe but I love it.

And When the World Remembers - Dragon Age Inquisition, but the Herald of Andraste is stupidly OP and an ex-Dark Lord on the run, who falls face first out of Apocrypha and into his new cult and is absolutely delighted with his new Andrastian minions. And then he changes. Slowly he starts remembering how to be human again. Slowly he starts realising he actually likes these people. And then he meets this flamboyant necromancer from Tevinter who turns his life upside down before you can say 'future husband' and now there's two of them both trying to work through their issues and save the world and try to be good people while doing it. And then Miraak's past comes back to haunt him, and then Dragonborn Three arrives and he has not just a partner and an Inquisition... but siblings again. I fully intend to finish this one day, I swear it, but Unfated ran away with me.

Thank you so much for the ask! And now the tagging.

@rheilea @evil-is-relative @kookaburra1701 @expended-sleeper

And anyone else who has writing they want to tell their followers about. If you can't think of five, wax lyrical on what you do have.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi! I'm. Kinda just here to vent. I'm feeling a lot of messy things and I can't categorize the feelings or the person into black and white/good and bad/etc and that's difficult for me

TW: incarcerated parent, missing someone, drug mention, mention of past emotional abuse (between other people), brief mention of racism

I talked to my dad on the phone for about five minutes today. It's the first time I've heard his voice in over three years. We've been writing letters back and forth for a few months now, but thats only amounted to like seven letters combined because of the long processing times. I was really happy to talk to him because I miss him a lot and I really want him around.

But also, I think I only miss the idea of him? He never helped raise me, even though he lived in the same house for at least half my 0-13yo life. I never really had a dad. But I still idolized him when he was around and I still want him to care about me more than anything because I want a dad. But at the same time, I'm starting to realize he will probably never be the person I wish he was.

I don't care that he's arrogant and manipulative because I can relate to that and he's still plenty capable of being fun and funny and kind. I don't care that he was a drug dealer, I don't care that he's gotten arrested in front of me twice, I don't even care that he was emotionally abusive to my mom when they were together. They got divorced when I was 2, and that was over a decade ago, and I never saw it first hand. I can disregard all of that. But the more I think about him the more I realize that he's kind of just...not made to be a dad. I guess I've known that for a long time now, but there's a part of me that cant accept that and that cant ever let go of him. I've tried to hate him before but its always only taken one time for him to talk to me or acknowledge my existence and I'm ready to forgive him for everything he's ever done. I still love him. But I don't think he's a very good person.

Honestly, what set all of this train of thought off this time was him being casually racist on our phone call about some of the people in jail with him. He just. Didn't see anything wrong with that. Or did and just didn't care. That's the thing that got me thinking about my entire relationship, and lack thereof, with my dad. That's far from the only thing that makes him a bad person but that's what really made me start thinking about it this time. There's a part of me that still wants to see the best in him, but I can't make him be something he's not. I can pretend he's better than he is, but it isn't true, is it?

Idk. I'm trying to come to terms with him as he is, and to sort out my feelings about him. Trying to untangle the Him that I want him to be from the Him that he is, and trying to mourn and let go of the idea of a dad that I keep holding onto. It's just getting to me today because I thought I had worked through all of this already, and I thought I was over it, but I guess processing my various traumas is going to take longer than I've given it lol.

Thank you (mods) for running this blog and letting it be a place to get this out of my brain. I don't really have anybody else to talk to about this, and typing it all out both helped me to understand what I'm feeling and made me feel a little better. I hope you all have a good timezone! <3

hey anon, our hearts go out to you. Keep on being the amazing person you are. What you're feeling is okay.

Wishing you well.

[amethystroselily]

i would honestly love to hear you talk more about fukuzawa and moris relationship. i don’t know if you have any particular thoughts about their dynamic, but if you do, i would love to hear it!

Their relationship is really interesting. I think about them a lot actually, but I’m not quite sure I can properly articulate my thoughts. I’m always kind of thinking about Mori, though, he’s such an interesting character.

Ah, I need to re-read the manga and finish reading the Untold Origins of the Armed Detective Agency, because some of my memory of them is kind of vague and my opinions kind of undefined, but yeah.

I wonder if they actually were friends? Because if I remember correctly, Yosano said they were but she changed that, but their relationship was always vaguely hostile. But it was a lot friendlier before the Yosano incident. Now I think Fukuzawa hates Mori, and Mori’s still bitter about the whole thing with her.

Something I want to know more about is each of their relationships with Natsume and how it relates to the tripartite pact. Because how do they know him? It seems like an important and personal relationship for both of them, so how exactly did they meet this guy? I’m reading The Untold Origins of The Armed Detective Agency right now, so I might get some answers on Fukuzawa’s relationship with Natsume there, (might be a while until I finish it tho, I take forever to read books I’m actually interested in bc I stop every five minutes to pace around my room and think about it), so I won’t speculate too hard on him for now. But I think Mori’s relationship with Natsume is where the real interesting implications lie.

I don’t think I’m the first one to have said this, but part of me believes Natsume pressured Mori into leading the mafia. Because like, why was Mori so adamant that he needed to take over now? Like maybe it was for personal gain, but that doesn’t really fit into Mori’s whole “I’m doing this for the city” thing. Also Natsume is the Mori and Dazai of the first iteration of soukoku, of course he was pulling some strings there.

Cursed thought, but do you think Mori and Fukuzawa were both trying to recreate their dynamic in some way? Like Mori with soukoku and Fukuzawa subconsciously with Dazai and Kunikida? Sometimes I think so. Because I do think Dazai reminds Fukuzawa of Mori to some extent. And Chuuya reminds Mori of Fukuzawa apparently. And Mori projects onto Dazai. So intensely. (Which is one of the main reasons I feel like Mori probably has his own tragic backstory and trauma to deal with. Also Because most characters in bsd do.) But Fukuzawa doing it isn’t that likely I guess.

Their place as seemingly the original soukoku is really interesting in general. And all the parallels there are so fun.

Also I think there’s some parallels between Fukuzawa’s relationship with Ranpo and Mori’s relationship with Dazai that I find fascinating.

Just whole tangled web that Natsume set up with them and the tripartite pact is so… I love it and I hope it’s explored more one day. (Also Taneda!)

Oh! Also I think they might team up again soon. Against Fukuchi. Because damn, Fukuzawa has never had a decent friendship in his life apparently.

This prompt led me onto several mental tangents that I made into other posts because they don’t really make sense to put here, but I have more thought but they’re all vaguely related.

[tolkien-feels]

Not to ruin a cute headcanon with angst but good gracious god, it'd kill Fëanor to see Maedhros from a young age worry that other loved ones might die like Míriel did

You can't "ruin" anything with angst in this fandom, you probably just make it More Likely To Be Canon 🤷

But yeah, I don't know how this can be avoided. Except for possible first and second generation elves and the Ainur, everybody has two sets of living grandparents. Young Maedhros will naturally assume grandfather's wife is grandmother, and Feanor would rather kill himself than let his son grow up thinking that, so he has to tell Maedhros, very early on, that Miriel existed, which of course raises the question "Why can't we meet her?" Of course nobody is going to explain to an elf child the details, but Maedhros is still going to be very aware - much more than any other child in Valinor at the time - that Some Elves Die, and I think it'd be entirely reasonable to expect he wouldn't be able to gauge how likely that is to happen to other people he loves.

In particular, if he picks up on Miriel dying after giving birth to Feanor, I guarantee he will be straight up terrified when Nerdanel gives birth to Maglor. I would bet real money Maedhros will not leave mom for five minutes for a few days after Maglor's birth, not because he's jealous but because he understands birth and he understands death and he knows sometimes they're connected but he can't understand how or why. Which. Yeah, that's a living nightmare for Feanor. Watching his son replay his trauma beat by beat is going to be. Fun.

This is probably slightly less of an issue for the other children because they'll just copy what their siblings do for a while before they're old enough to question the logic behind Indis not being Grandmother, so they probably get The Miriel Talk when they're a little bit older and less likely to be confused. Plus by then Feanor and Nerdanel have watched how Maedhros handled it and gave become better at anticipating how children might react to this kind of thing. It's never easy but it's less of a disaster.

But you bet Feanor picks fights with Fingolfin and Finarfin whenever The Miriel Talk has to be had. It's very upsetting and he has to take it out on someone, preferably not at home because he's watched Finwe mourn Miriel and he doesn't want his children to have memories of his grief, so - let's go out and find a pretext to put the sons of Indis in their place, that should make him feel better, if anything can make him feel better

[lifesteal-headcanons]

Something Small (Part 6!!!)

Hi, I am back again, this time (starting at a normal time of 2pm) just with a bunch of (probably) small Clown headcanons! I was thinking of posting another very fuckin long hc I had, however after some thinking, I decided to wait on it a bit. It’s definitely in its end stages, however it needs to be rotated baked some more before I think it’s ready to be shown to other people. So why not a bunch of clown hc’s instead in the mean time? Anyway

Clown is trans-masc! When he first learned about it (after leaving his home world) he had a “wait a fuckin second, that’s me” type of moment. Though they originally thought they were just a full-on trans man, and thought so for a long time, they ended up realizing a little bit before joining Lifesteal that they might not be a full on man 100% and that instead it actually fluctuates! After a discussion with Rasplin (including revealing it’s trans-ness to him, as it managed to complete its transition before meeting him and Ivory and just never discussed it) it discovered the boyflux label and is currently using it. It currently uses It/They/He pronouns, and while it prefers you use a particular set of pronouns depending on the day/week, you can use any of the pronouns it prefers (like if it’s preferring “it/it’s” for the day, you can still use they or he). It’s also dabbling around and experimenting with neopronouns, it just hasn’t found a set that sticks out to it yet!

Clown has a lot of issues of sleepwalking when stressed out. This ended up being how Branzy seen it’s face for the first time right before they started dating. Both of them nearly had heart attacks that night. Nothing better than waking up to somebody standing over your bed, and then being woken up to somebody screaming and hitting you. It was a fiasco.

Also, Clown’s panromantic/pansexual. Because I said so. It just fits to me and I will not elaborate further.

Clown also has a lot issues with facial dysmorphia and is why even when at home relaxing alone, it normally still wears its mask or at least some form of cloth one. It believes it had issues with it from a young age, though it was greatly made worse when it started gaining facial scarring in its teen years. It had heterochromia and sometimes it still mourns the loss of it’s one eye due to that being the one feature of its face it liked. It is going to therapy for this now(and for others stuff as well, mans got trauma), though it won’t go around maskless still around those outside it’s flock.

Also, someone awhile ago sent in that ask of Ivory teaching Clown to walk in heels and I have promptly adopted that to my belief system. I wish to elaborate on that. After Ivory went missing left, Clown stopped wearing heels for awhile and just stuck to wearing regular combat boots. The thought of it just hurt him too much. Then around maybe mid season 2 right before MOB started, the server members decided to have a chill day of “no actual fighting, let’s just chill together and hangout” and someone(either Pangi or Jaron?) decided it would be a fun idea to challenge Clown to a fight, but he had to wear high-heeled boots. No actual stakes, essentially just a spar but Clown was in very high heeled boots. Clown tentatively agreed. Within five minutes, Clown had re-found his balance in heels and won the fight and decided that his ‘prize’ would be that he got to keep the shoes. Sometimes he shows up to serious fights wearing heeled, platformed, boots now. It’s apart of the regular wardrobe for clown now. Pangi still bemoans t that “you don’t need to be any taller man” and Reddoons is still trying to convince Clown to teach him to walk in very high heeled shoes. It’s been the stake in multiple spars now. The economy is in shambles-

Also, ND Clown. Again. Because I said so.

And with that, I can’t think of anymore Clown hc’s off the top of my head nor do I have the time to send them bc I have to go to work. Uh. Anyway. Can I be something like Small anon or Slime anon or 🟩 anon? Whichever you prefer,,, please,,, i beg of ye. Uh, have a nice night/day!

That’s it, that’s the ask!

[qqueenofhades]

20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!

Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.

Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.

1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark * author of color * steampunk Cairo in 1912 * djinn! magic! murder mystery! * butch Arab lesbian main character * devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant * anticolonial alternate history

2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens) * trans author * bi, pan, trans, aro representation * racially diverse characters * all female POV characters * high-fantasy world adventures

3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall * queer author * look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH * contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends * it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it * there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book

4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth) * the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!” * that is exactly what you get * slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance * I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it * also fucking HILARIOUS

5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston * queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue) * bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance * time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem) * magical realism * many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them

6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger * this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless * steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious) * pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it! * two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F) * she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger

7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth * queer author * historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day * all sapphic female main characters * plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story

8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston * you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again * the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue * yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick * hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life

9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall * same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest * bisexual female protagonist * absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials) * sweet and surprisingly thoughtful

10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey * genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color * almost all main characters are brown people! * lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world * gods, prophecies, monsters * the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor

11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz * nonbinary (they/them) author * time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale * will probably make your head explode * feminist, queer, subversive * diverse characters

12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee * queer author * technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s * bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color * (mis)adventures across Europe * has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist

13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper * nonbinary/genderqueer author * M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached) * HECKING HILARIOUS * sweet, escapist, and very low stakes * diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder

14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee * PIRATES, obviously * sequel to Gentleman’s Guide * asexual female protagonist * strong queerplatonic f/f friendship * more historical/magical 18th century adventures

15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony * Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me * but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?! * gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle * people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh * endgame M/M romance for the main character * books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above

16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith * queer author * heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures * The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians * Pansexual Black badass female heroine * Queer found families * The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)

17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon * epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world * main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard * sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings * so many strong women and characters of color * no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”

18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller * likewise one you have probably heard of but still * a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings * M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus  * reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)

19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley * all-female apocalyptic space opera * messy messy antiheroines * grimdark war fantasy * queer sci-fi drama

20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk * author of color * M/M romance * main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma * gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England * strong sibling relationship

[carelesswispe]

heya! can I request how Dimitri, Edelgard, Claude, and Yuri would court their crush? headcannons and fluff please :") also if there a character limit? (if you can't do Yuri, please replace him with Ashe) ty in advance </3

- ����

thank you for requesting! i had a lot of fun writing this ask and sorry if this took a little longer than expected ;; nevertheless, i hope you enjoyed this, jelly filled donut anon!

>genre: fluff with some angst if you squint (mostly for dimitri and edelgard's part)

>warnings: slight mentions of fighting, slight spoilers for the events of fire emblem three houses, some angst

>pairings: dimitri x reader (gn), edelgard x reader (gn), claude x reader (gn), yuri x reader (gn)

Dimitri

Hh he's the loml

I feel like he would only start to court anyone after the five-year timeskip due to the guilt of the tragedy Duscur and the pent up emotions he’s kept bottled up. The fact that he hasn’t overcome his trauma would probably give him the need to distance himself from the one he has feelings with <\\3

Of course, no one’s able to resist the pull of love and despite his irrational thoughts that tell him to distance himself from you, the thoughts that tell him to stay with you were stronger, the feeling that you give him was like a breath of fresh air in the suffocating miasma of his guilt and trauma which gave him the strength to carry on.

But once the war is finally over and he’s sorted out his feelings for you, the first thing he would do is to see you; to finally let you know how he feels...and maybe even propose you to stay by his side forever--

As for courting you, after so many years of killing and brutal murder, I think that Dimitri would be quite awkward in expressing his feelings for you, after having bottled them up for so long.

He would get flustered easily from the little things you do or say to him but still deliver the smoothest compliments as if it was second nature. Just like he always has in the academy, if not, smoother.

If you were to bring this up to him, he would try to deny it with a flushed face, causing him to be hyper-aware of the little things that he used to say with a nonchalant attitude from then on...how adorable

Dimitri is probably not the most romantic man with having basically no experience with relationships and all and would resort to consulting, albeit after much pestering, Sylvain for relationship advice.

It was quite cute though, seeing this grown man trying to be romantic but failing, looking like a teen with his first crush. Although, that may not be far from the truth.

Of course, after failing to pull off any of the ridiculous date ideas Sylvain proposed to him for the umpteenth time, Dimitri decided to do things his own way, even if it meant stumbling around like a newborn deer.

Dimitri’s idea of a romantic date is probably a bit odd...after all, this is coming from the same man who thought that a dagger is a great parting gift. He would take you to shop around for things you might like, wanting to show you that he would grant you anything you desired. And...while he’s at it, he might buy you a weapon of your liking--

After shopping, he’d treat you to a meal while you’re at it. Although he may not care for the flavours of food, seeing you eat your favorite foods with a delighted expression is enough to make the food that much more appetizing.

Being a king, Dimitri would most likely be very busy, filling up paperwork and all and so going out often isn’t something he could afford to do. In order to make up for that, the free time that he does get is all spent with you. Even for a little while, being with you does take away some of the stress that comes with the amount of responsibility on his shoulders.

Whether it be sharing a cup of tea or simply enjoying yourselves in each other’s company, Dimitri is satisfied to spend any time with you

Edelgard

Similar to Dimitri, I feel like Edelgard wouldn’t want to think about feelings of love so soon as long as she hasn’t fulfilled her mission since she wouldn’t want to let her emotions to obstruct her conquest at all, as baseless as those worries might be

However, this doesn’t mean that she would be able to control these feelings of hers with perfect success. After all, try as she might, she’s still a human

Even though she can deny her feelings for you, she can’t deny the comfort your company gives her

Having tea together or even just spending any amount of time with you gives her the break she needs from her burdens she’s imposed upon herself and in times like these, it reminds her of the people she wants to be stronger to protect

Conversations with her mostly consist of her plans and motivations for her cause but outside of that, she also enjoys being able to indulge herself in some much needed rest and she feels like she could share anything with you.

Well, perhaps not her family history but she finds herself revealing the sides that she hid from the public.

Occasionally, she would vent out her feelings of frustration to you, perhaps impersonating and imitating the words of the person who had irritated her

Even if it’s for a little while, she finds herself being able to act like a child or to let loose without fear of being judged around you and it reminds her that she’s not alone in this conquest of hers. And that fact alone comforts her. If you’re by her side, even the rockiest of roads seem like a cake walk as long as you’re here for her.

After the war, she would subtly propose a future with the two of you where you and her could pave the way for the new future of the empire. And when you don’t get what she’s hinting at, she would just throw whatever inhibitions she had out of the window and just tell you in a more direct fashion

Although she fears rejection, she’d rather say out her feelings than to keep it trapped for any longer.

As the emperor, Edelgard is very busy. Despite this, for some reason, she finds herself sneaking away from Hubert’s unrelenting supervision from time to time just to spend time with you.

She finds herself giving the pettiest excuses to go on a date with you whenever her tight schedule has even the tiniest opening.

To her, spending time with you reminds her that she is not only Edelgard Von Hresvelg, the Emperor but El.

However, on occasions where she is unable to slip away from her aide’s watchful eye or whenever she has to go on a trip where she will be away from you for long periods of time, as soon as she is freed from her duties, she will immediately come see you, hopefully plan a vacation together away from all her responsibilities, even for a little while.

Speaking of vacations, this will be a regular occurrence between the two of you. Such vacations range from going out of the empire for some sightseeing to a simple staycation, relishing in each other’s company.

Claude

Unlike the previous two, I feel like Claude, although not necessarily looking for a relationship before the timeskip, he wouldn’t be too opposed to the idea if he falls in love.

But maybe if it's before the timeskip, the relationship between the two of you would be more casual than anything, just enjoying the moment rather than looking into the future. Of course, he would like to spend the rest of his days with you but it's more of a matter of whether that could be possible or not due to the uncertainty of the future.

Dates before the timeskip would consist of fun little lunch dates in the cafeteria, hanging out to the library afterwards.

Most of your dates together were spontaneous, Claude being the one to initiate it first.

Like you two could be chilling, minding your own business, being content in each others’ presence one minute and pranking the entirety of the monastery in another.

Every time the two of you got together, everyone started to go on full alert mode, fully expecting an explosion somewhere or something along the lines of that. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time…

After the timeskip, dates with him don’t really change much...on the surface. In reality, Claude puts more effort into each date, not that he hadn’t before.

It’s just that now, the more time he spends with you, the more certain he is that he wants you to stay by his side, forever.

These dates were comparatively tame as compared to before the timeskip, with him being more mature and responsible now, not wanting to take unnecessary risks now that he’s seen many of his followers come and go, he wouldn’t want you to be like them.

Expect calm candlelit dinners for most of the dates since he tries to reserve the evening for you, maybe going on a stroll around the kingdom, checking up on the state of his citizens with you.

Right, speaking of dinners, during dinner, he would tell the most interesting stories of times when he left the kingdom for important matters and you weren’t able to come along, often bringing home a trinket of sorts which reminded him of you.

I feel like on these trips, he would just pick up random stuff that caught his eye and thought you’d might like, looking forward to seeing your expression upon receiving his gift to you. He gets a little too excited sometimes and goes...overboard, buying WAY too much. On the bright side, now that you got him all fired up, he’ll do his best to rush home to you.

As much as possible, he invites you to go with him to the many many festivals in the kingdom just so that you wouldn’t get bored with just eating out with him. (not that you ever would) and plus, he enjoys seeing the different stalls and booths set up with you.

Yuri

Yuri is quite hard to get close to since he’s the leader of the underworld and all. And even if you do, he puts up a ridiculously high wall when he feels as if you take an interest in him in something other than a friend.

All these years of distrust had given him no choice but to surround himself with various walls. And should you try to break down these walls, he would panic and distance himself from you, anything to make you realise that he shouldn’t be the one to receive your affection. Classic romance novel moment

Of course, you persist and stay there for him anyway, maybe only just pushing it but not to the point where it gets uncomfortable for him. After the years, going through tough situations with you by his side especially when he needed it the most, without realising it, he had a spot for you on his previously cold heart. Maybe it had always been there, maybe not, he didn’t really know anymore.

When you two finally go out together, it comes out as something that was going to happen anyway to the other members of the Ashen Rats Wolves who, don’t even bother to act surprised, come on, even Constance saw it coming, Yuri, you didn’t fool anybody.

Dates with Yuri are always new and exciting, going out on undercover missions together, travelling across Fódlan. Yuri tries to discourage you from coming along because of the danger of each one of his missions but the more he refuses, the more you insist so after a while, he gets the hint that he won’t be able to stop you and eventually just invites you whenever he has to go on long missions without having you finding out about it on your own.

As much as he cares about each and every single one of his subjects in the underworld, being the lord of the underground isn’t exactly the most relaxing or safest job out there and sometimes he just needs a break from all that. Luckily, you’re there to give him some peace of mind. Just by having you by his side, he feels as if he’s transported into another world, a reverie away from all the dangers of his job. Even a protector needs someone to protect him, you know? And he trusts you. He trusts that you would always be there to protect him. Since you were there for him through thick and thin all this time.

You both got each other’s backs

(i wrote WAY too much for Yuri since man i had a wild Yuri phase and i still do and i am just RELIVING IT as i write this)

[hepbaestus]

Thoughts on X-Men First Class (2011)

I've got journal articles to read for my essays so join me in my thoughts on X-Men First Class (2011) as I suffer through reading something that makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out.

There's more of my thoughts after the cut-off, except it just gets gayer.

I'm only really watching this for James McAvoy.

This is from back when marvel was simple to watch

Poland 1944?? Penultimate year before the end of WW2

This is starting off extremely dark oml

Who just has a photo of Einstein on their bedside table? Apparently this kid does.

Ooooo mummy issues

MYSTIQUE!! JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Oooo young Xavier

Kevin Bacon is that you??

Those saws in the background oml

Using his mother against him??!! Jesus Christ

Poor Erik

The bass guitar shouldn't be that good or make this scene seem hot. But it is

ITS JAMES MCAVOY!!!

Jennifer Lawrence looks so jealous

This man's is a flirt and I'm here for it

He shouldn't be that hot but he is.

What

"Would you date me?" Girl just fucking ask him out already Jesus

It's weird not hearing James with his Scottish accent, I'm used to hearing it

Owie that must have hurt

French has never sounded more sinister until now

Hellfire? You say? I've heard that name before

Storm??

Azazel's fucking hot as hell.

Oooo pwetty mountain landscape

Multilingual king? Even hotter.

Just casually trauma-dumping in a fun way, me likey

Owie 2 electric boogaloo

This is like Five Hargreeves from the umbrella academy

Oooo a party boy.

How is he making science sound slightly hot? What the fuck.

The editing is so 2011

It's the dude from Chicago Med!!

So Erik and Charles are just an enemies-to-lovers story (I think)

I swear all men look good in those dark blue/black long coats

Awww Charles rescuing Erik

Kid just got outed oof

HE HAS HANDS FOR FEET?? EW

That's so cursed

They're so cute together

I can already tell that they're in love

That ball looks like the one at Disney in America

God they're already so in love and they've known each other for a few hours

You can just tell by their faces

The playfulness in their voices? I adore

"Don't touch my hair" I love this so much already

Man's is so horny Jesus Christ

ZOE KRAVITZ

ITS THIS ICONIC SCENE

God this is so gay and I love it

Oof poor dude

HUGH JACKMAN

Oooo the disappointment in their faces

A giant spring just grabbing a dude is so funny to me

Kinky

Wait a minute that's fucking Laurent from the Twilight series. I knew I recognised him from somewhere

Oh shit that's fucked

Of course they had to pan to the only Black guy of the mutants when talking about enslavement

Rip Alex

Or not

Rip that dude- I don't know his name (Darwin)

The parents are discussing

That's a fucking palace

Oh shit this is set when Kennedy is still alive? Wow

There's always something so homoerotic about pointing a gun at your mates head

That's a lot of fire. Fun.

That scream, brilliant

He reminds me of Icarus, it's probably just because he's flying

Charles don't you dare (I've given up with reading for my essay I'm too engrossed in the lovers)

James has such pretty eyes

There is no way either of them acted without a little thought into making the characters gay for each other

I remember the panic buying of COVID. That wasn't fun

This scene gives me katniss and peeta about to swallow the berries scene (which is fitting cause it's fucking Jennifer Lawrence in both)

Good ol' chess game

The way they're both sitting, neither sitting in a "socially acceptable" way to sit (or as I call it, the gay ways of sitting on a chair)

Oh shit of course the serum didn't work

Man's is becoming Sully from monsters inc.

Wait

The uniforms!!

The arrogance of Shaw

The red body paint on Azazel must've taken hours to put on and take off

Oh shit is this where Charles becomes paralysed because of Erik's mistake??

Oh but he is

This is where shit hits the fan

Manipulation time

Oh fuck this is the scene where Charles becomes paralysed

Shaw's outfit reminds me of a Japanese schoolboy

Oh shit that's brutal and gruesome, dude

Oh wait, does that affect Charles?

Okay it doesn't thank god

That's gonna start a war bro

Lovers quarrel that might kill thousands of men

Oh fuck

The fact that the music is white noise fucking hurts

"She didn't do this Erik. You did." That's such a powerful line like fuck bro (except they're not just bros)

"We're brothers you an I." Mhmm sure, that doesn't explain the homoerotic tension that you've had this entire film

They're going through a breakup sad times dudes

The panic in everyone's eyes. Fuck. I can't imagine what that must feel like

That wheelchair looks fucking sick

"Next thing you know I'll be going bald." Well shucks do I have a story for you

I love Moira. She's great

Setting up for another film I see

"left a bit of a gap in my life, if I'm to be honest." Bro just say you love him already

"I was rather hoping you would fill it." That so gay dude, I love it.

Overall score: 8.5/10

Film recommendations welcome!

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-One

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: as someone who is physically incapable of reading fics and other long tumblr posts line by line and word for word, i think it’s so fucking cool that a bunch of you regularly, excitedly read what i post. i would not blame you at all for skim reading. thank you.

***

The majority of Cassian’s life was spent battling with the fact of his own existence. First he was fatherless, then motherless, then homeless. Being taken in by Rhys’s parents, who bought him nice clothes and nicer gifts, was like putting a bandaid over a stab wound. It couldn’t change the questions that made up Cassian at his core: was he equal to everyone else in this world, or had he been born inherently inferior? Did he deserve the same happinesses that his friends so carelessly reaped, or should he step back and know his place?

The older he grew, the more he grappled with those questions—until the night he learned who his father was, and the truth behind his existence. That he was likely a product of rape. Nearly driving himself drunk off a mountainside in Monte Carlo was enough to make him realize with a startling clarity: he couldn’t keep asking himself the same questions for the rest of his life. At some point, he was going to have to buck the fuck up and make his peace with the world, whether he believed he deserved to be in it or not. And though it might have taken him a while to reach that conclusion, Cassian can proudly say he did it. Not long into his post-college years, Cassian finally grew up.

By twenty-seven, he was secure enough in himself and his place in the world to not have to deal with those doubtful voices every waking minute. His life was figured out, and his ego was unshakeable. Until Nesta Archeron entered the story.

Now at twenty-eight, Cassian is again unsecured—this time in a less tragic but more confusing way. Because everything he thinks he knows about himself, about life, she insists on proving wrong.

Including the issue of celebrating his birthday.

“I feel like I should have asked this earlier,” Cassian mutters to Nesta as they stand in the cozy resort lobby, “but why is Az here?”

Nesta looks both humiliated and resigned when she mutters back, “He wouldn’t pay for the resort unless I let him come with us.”

“At that point you should’ve just let me pay, babe.” He watches Azriel’s back as he chats up the lady at the front desk while getting their room keys.

“On your own birthday? It would have ruined the point,” Nesta says.

Cassian doesn’t retort that having his brother present at their couple’s retreat also ruins the point. He’s sure she already knows.

Nesta’s reaction when Cassian told her that he didn’t celebrate his birthday was unforgettable.

“No one in our inner circle really cares about birthdays,” he had shrugged. “Feyre’s birthday is the exception because she’s sort of the outsider, and Rhys will find any excuse to worship at her feet. But the rest of us? I don’t know, it was never a big deal.”

As someone who’s never skipped a birthday once in her life, even when she was isolated and ignoring her family’s phone calls, Nesta took this as a personal offense. “I need to get you out of this cabin,” she stated.

Which brings them here, to Colorado’s finest ski resort situated high in the Rocky Mountains. The lobby is littered with overstuffed armchairs and a crackling fireplace, and huge windows look out over the blinding white mountains.

Az starts heading their way, key cards in hand, when Cassian suddenly turns to Nesta. “We need to find him a woman,” he whispers.

“What?”

“We can’t let him third wheel with us for the whole weekend. We’ll never get time alone.” Cassian is set on this new plan, already scanning the lobby for women around Azriel’s age.

“I agree, but—”

Azriel reaches the two of them, tossing a room card to Nesta. “You can stop talking about me now. I’ll be spending most of my time hitting the slopes.”

Cassian and Nesta mumble a halfhearted, “We weren’t talking about you.”

He narrows his eyes at them. “Uh-huh. Just remember whose credit card this is going on.” Picking up his ski gear and duffel bag, he turns for the elevator.

Nesta frowns up at Cassian once Az is gone, more adorably than she probably intends. “Do you think he’s upset?”

He scoffs. “We should be upset at him.” He doesn’t want to have to worry about his brother while he’s on vacation, and Az definitely wouldn’t want him to worry either, but it isn’t something that can be helped.

Despite his irritation, he might go skiing with Az later this afternoon. Just to keep him company.

***

Nesta will give it to Azriel—he’s a man of fine taste, and also generous with his spending. She originally wanted a normal room for her and Cassian, preferably the cheapest one, but Az went behind her back and upgraded them to a fully decked out penthouse suite.

“This is too much for just a weekend,” she tells him over the phone while Cassian is in the bathroom. “How am I supposed to pay you back for this?”

“Why would you pay me back?” he says dismissively. “I’m rich.”

When Nesta tries arguing with him, he only replies, “I don’t take money from poor people,” and hangs up on her.

Which leaves Nesta to enjoy the four-spray shower and heated bathroom tiles free of charge. By the time she comes out of the shower, Cassian has already left with Azriel to hit some slopes before dinner, though not before leaving her a note promising to teach her how to ski tomorrow.

Nesta doesn’t even get to unwrap her towel from her body before realizing her phone is ringing incessantly, all the way from the other side of the suite. Jogging over to the living area, Nesta answers Emerie’s call. “What’s up?”

“Where are you?” Emerie greets without introduction.

“At the ski lodge?” Nesta answers, confused. “I already told you, for Cassian’s birthday.”

“I know that,” Emerie hisses. “I mean what room are you in? This place is huge.”

“Wait—you’re here?” Nesta looks quickly around herself, as if Emerie will pop up from behind the couch.

“Not just me. So is Gwyn.” Nesta hears rustling on the other side of the line, and then Emerie saying from a distance, “Answer for your crimes, Gwyneth. Say hi.”

A new, clearer voice comes over the phone. “Hiii, Nesta.” Gwyn sounds weak, like she is not having fun at all.

“What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” Nesta demands.

“Well, it’s a long story and I need to see you first. Also, I have to pee. Where is your room?”

Five minutes later, Gwyn and Emerie are sitting obediently before the roaring fireplace in Nesta and Cassian’s suite.

Now fully dressed, Nesta stabs a finger at Emerie. “Explain.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Emerie says indignantly. “Gwyn barged into my place at eight in the morning and dragged me all the way here—”

“It was an emergency!” Gwyn tosses her hands in the air. “It still is an emergency. That’s why we’re here.”

“I’m here because Gwyn is scared of traveling alone,” Emerie interjects. “And driving on highways.”

“Guys!” Nesta snaps.

Gwyn makes a whining sound of defeat and drops her head into her hands. After a long moment, she speaks. “He asked if we could go to dinner together. Like, right to my face. And I panicked and said yes, because I couldn’t think of a reason to say no, but obviously I can’t do that. So this morning I cashed in my sick days and told him I was going on vacation for a whole week.” Gwyn looks up at Nesta with pleading teal eyes. “Please can we stay here the whole week?”

Nesta stares at Gwyn, feeling like her brain was just sucked dry. “First of all, who’s ‘he’?”

“Max!” She stands in her outburst. “The love of my life. The man who works on the fourth floor of the library. Do you pay attention to the groupchat at all?”

Oh yeah, that guy. “You came all the way here,” Nesta drawls out slowly, “so you wouldn’t have to have dinner with your crush?”

“It wasn’t just any dinner.” Gwyn flops back onto the couch. “It was a date. I can’t go on a date with him. First dates lead to second dates, and second dates lead to—sex.” She whispers the last word.

“Really?” Emerie frowns, not missing a beat at the mention of Gwyn’s deepest fear. “What kind of dates have you been having?”

“I haven’t been having any dates,” Gwyn says. “Why, how long do you usually see someone before doing it?”

“First date, at most,” Emerie shrugs.

“No,” Nesta steps in, sending Emerie a bewildered look. “Gwyn, you’ve known this guy for a while now. If he’s half as decent as you think he is, he won’t expect sex by the second date. And even if he does—”

“What does it matter?” Gwyn wails. “It’ll come up eventually. And when it does, he’ll think I’m a freak.”

“He won’t get a chance to think anything before I kill him,” Emerie says, eyes darkening.

Nesta says nothing, knowing this is something she can’t advise Gwyn about. Whether or not Gwyn chooses to share her past and unresolved trauma with another man, and whether or not that man reacts in an unshitty way isn’t something Nesta can determine. So she just states for the record, “You’re not a freak.”

“But it’s what he’ll think.”

“Then you shouldn’t be with him in the first place,” Nesta says firmly. Even though she knows better than anyone that it isn’t always that simple.

Proving her point, Gwyn scoffs and looks away. “You don’t get it.”

“What I really don’t get,” Nesta says, “is why you took your lie so literally. Why did you come all the way out here instead of hiding out at home for the week?”

“Merrill sees and knows everything. I can’t lie to her.” Gwyn cringes. “If I stayed at home, she would sniff me out as soon as she got me on the phone, and then I’d really be screwed.”

Nesta cocks her head at Gwyn, squinting her eyes in something akin to fascination.

“I had the same reaction,” Emerie pipes up. She shakes her head at Gwyn. “I’ve never met a more melodramatic idiot, truly.”

Gwyn curls into herself on the couch, looking ashamed.

Nesta sighs sharply, then whips out a hand. “Give me your wallets. I’ll go downstairs right now and see if I can book a room last minute.”

Emerie sits up at that. “Uh… I’m not sure I can afford a place like this.”

“Neither can I,” Nesta says. “That’s why Azriel paid for all of us.”

Gwyn’s eyes go comically round. “Azriel’s here?”

“Unfortunately.” She snaps her fingers at both girls. “Credit or debit, now.”

“So… I’m assuming we can’t just share this huge suite with you guys, huh?” Gwyn says hesitantly.

There might be actual flames in Nesta’s eyes. This is Cassian’s birthday, goddammit. Cassian, who hasn’t celebrated a birthday since he was eleven. “Please don’t push me.”

Gwyn and Emerie, very reluctantly, hand their cards over to Nesta. Emerie hands over two, just in case.

In the end, Nesta doesn’t use any of their money, but charges the new room to her own account. She’ll work it off by putting extra hours into Night Court, she tells herself.

When she returns to the penthouse suite, she spies tracks outlined in melted snow at the doorway. Shit. She barges inside to find Cassian and Azriel standing in the middle of the living area, with Emerie looking awkward on the couch.

“Uh, we just got back—” Cassian starts.

“I can explain,” Nesta interrupts.

A faucet turns off in the distance, and Gwyn peeks her head out of the bathroom door.

“Oh, shit,” Azriel says in delight. “Freckles is here too?”

Gwyn looks like she’s about to turn right back around to the bathroom. Nesta and Cassian both throw Az a baffled look, but Nesta says, “I can fix this. I’ve already fixed it.” She goes over to Emerie and hands her a key card. “You and Gwyn are going to stay on the first floor, and you won’t bother me or Cassian for the duration of our stay. It’ll be like you’re not even here.” She whips toward Gwyn, who still hovers near the bathroom doorway. “And at the end of this weekend, you’re going back to work like the adult you are and taking care of your shit.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Gwyn says quietly, lowering her head.

Cassian comes over to Nesta, whispering, “So, you didn’t invite them to keep Az company or anything, right?”

“I can hear you,” Azriel says.

“Of course not,” Nesta whispers back. “That’s a terrible idea.”

“Really? Because I thought it was kind of convenient—”

“I can still hear you,” Az repeats.

“So can I,” Emerie nods.

“Shut up,” Nesta hisses at the both of them. Grabbing Cassian’s still-gloved hand, she drags him upstairs and away to their bedroom. When the door shuts behind them, she turns to him and blurts, “I’m so sorry.”

Cassian only laughs, taking his ski jacket off and brushing away the wet snow from the back. “I’m not.” He tosses his jacket and gloves over a chair and approaches Nesta, tugging her closer by her oversized turtleneck. “And what did I tell you about wasting your apologies?”

Nesta doesn’t care. “I ruined your birthday.”

“My birthday’s not until tomorrow,” he says with a straight face. “But honestly, I like this a lot more than just you, me, and Az. At least he can’t third wheel anymore, right?”

She shakes her head insistently, frustration boiling in her blood. “Everything’s going wrong.”

“But you solved our problems.” He finds Nesta’s clenched fists and unfurls them with gentle hands. “You got the girls their own room, and now Az can be distracted with those two. We can still be alone. We win.”

Nesta purses her lips, unconvinced, when Cassian adds, “But seriously, though—what the fuck are they doing here?”

She exhales deeply, letting her head drop forward onto Cassian’s chest. “I don’t know,” she mutters. “Gwyn panicked about some personal stuff and thought it was a good idea to come to me. I don’t want to make her leave, though.” Gwyn is being stupid right now, without a doubt, but Nesta won’t abandon her. Neither will Emerie.

God, having friends sucks.

Cassian threads a hand through her loose hair and hums. “Gwyn was smart for coming to you.”

***

Dinner is held outside in the snow and cold, but everyone bundles up and sits down at a table that surrounds one of the multiple fire pits in the courtyard. Cassian convinced Nesta to let Gwyn and Emerie hang out with them for the weekend, because what else are those poor girls supposed to do, and now the women babble over each other as they decide what to drink.

Cassian sits back and takes it in, the sight feeling heartwarmingly familiar and strangely brand new at the same time. Nesta ends up being the one to order everybody’s drinks, and once the waiter scampers back inside, Gwyn releases a terse breath. “Sometimes I still get scared of that tone.”

“I’m always scared of it,” Az mutters, eyeing Nesta from the corner of his eye.

“What tone?” Cassian laughs. He knows Nesta is still a little wound up from her plans going off the rails, but she hasn’t done anything scary.

“I’m used to it,” Emerie says through a mouthful of fries, “but I think that waiter almost cried.”

“That’s how I sound all the time.” Nesta shrugs, sitting back.

“What tone?” Cassian repeats.

Nesta clicks her tongue impatiently. “You know how I talk. I’m straightforward.”

“And harsh,” Azriel adds. “Even aggressive.”

“Watch it.” Gwyn turns stern eyes onto him over the fire pit.

“I have no idea what you all are talking about,” Cassian says. He turns to Nesta. “You sound perfectly normal to me.”

She narrows her perfect brows at him, and Emerie laughs, “I don’t know if that’s romantic or ignorant.”

But now that they’re discussing it, Cassian does distinctly remember Nesta having a sharp edge to her words while they were getting to know each other. Did it disappear over time, or has he really stopped noticing it?

He doesn’t get to think about it before their drinks arrive, followed soon by a dinner of fancy sandwiches.

Cassian cuts his beef sandwich in half and gives the other half to Nesta, and she does the same with her turkey sandwich. They eat and drink around the crackling fire, laughing and talking about tomorrow’s plans (“It’s not your birthday, Azriel,” Nesta says. “Stop asking about gifts.”). Cassian and Emerie talk idly about video games over wine, and even though it isn’t really his thing, he can see her excitement over it and gladly indulges it.

Once everyone is finished eating and is slightly drunk, Gwyn pulls a small sleeve of crackers out of her puffy jacket, followed by a fun-sized Hershey’s bar and a handful of mini marshmallows.

“What are you doing?” Nesta says.

“Making dessert.” Gwyn builds a mini s’more and places it carefully on her fork so she can toast it over the fire pit. When it’s done, she leans forward even more to try to put it on Nesta’s plate. “For you. Thank you for letting me and Emerie stay.”

Nesta jumps, catching the s’more with her plate and batting Gwyn away from the fire pit at the same time. “You’ll set your hair on fire,” she hisses.

Gwyn’s hair remains safe, but now Cassian catches his brother watching Gwyn amusedly from the corner of his eye. “Can I have one?” Az says.

“I’m all out.” Gwyn says while building another s’more, refusing to meet his eyes.

Cassian and Nesta share a look, a hundred words thrown back and forth between them in that glance. She scoots her chair closer to him to slip her cold hands into his warm ones, but while the conversation carries on around the table, she leans in and whispers, “I’m not a busybody but…”

“I am,” he whispers back. “Az is being weird, weirder than usual.”

Nesta nods. “I’ve never seen him so—outgoing.”

Neither has Cassian, but before he can mention anything else, he looks up to find that Gwyn and Azriel’s seats at the table are empty. “How much did those two drink?” he breathes.

Nesta follows his gaze, seeing what he’s seeing: Azriel and Gwyn wandering clumsily around the snowy courtyard. Or rather, Az is trying to chase Gwyn down for a s’more, while she clutches her mini marshmallows to her chest and vehemently yells, “They’re mine!”

Meanwhile, Emerie is half asleep at the table.

Cassian watches as Gwyn nears the towering fir tree at the center of the courtyard and slips. Az shoots out a hand to catch her, but not before her ass hits the stone, hard. He pulls her back up, no longer fooling around, and Gwyn rubs her butt in pain.

Cassian suddenly feels Nesta squeezing the life out of his hands, and he looks over to find fury written across her face. For a heartbeat, he feels worried for Az.

“Go deal with him,” Nesta says lowly. “Before I do.”

Not needing any more words to understand, he stands out of his seat and heads out into the courtyard. He doesn’t know why Nesta thinks Gwyn needs protecting, but it makes him feel protective himself. Approaching the duo, he sees that Azriel finally acquired the leftover s’more ingredients from Gwyn.

“There’s only like half a cracker left,” Az mutters to himself, shaking the baggie.

“Is he bothering you?” Cassian asks Gwyn, who still looks grumpy over losing their skirmish.

Whipping her head to Cassian like he’s her savior, Gwyn nods furiously. “Please make him stop.”

Cassian turns to Azriel with rage in his eyes, a clear What the fuck do you think you’re doing?

But Az shakes his head in denial. “It’s not like that. Look, she’s smirking at me!” He points over Cassian’s shoulder.

When Cassian looks, Gwyn is already walking back to the fire pit, holding her bruised ass.

Az starts, “What a fake little—”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Cassian interrupts. “Yesterday you’re crying over Elain and today you’re flirting with Nesta’s friend?”

Azriel goes serious, his face turning colder than the night air. “How do you know about Elain?” he says gruffly.

“Everyone knows, Azriel.” Cassian stares down his brother, wondering if he’ll finally get him to get his head screwed on straight after these past weeks of secretive bullshit.

Azriel sets his jaw, but a muscle there ticks.

“Will you finally at least tell me what’s going on in your head?” Cassian pleads. “Because I can’t keep guessing.”

Azriel glances toward the dinner table, as if checking to see that no one is paying attention to them. Looking back, he inhales a breath. “You want to know why I left Velaris?”

Like Nesta, Azriel is not one to quickly make himself vulnerable. So there’s no blatant emotion in his voice when he says, “I started seeing her at the end of summer, not long after she broke up with her ex. And it was so…nice after every other relationship I’ve been in has gone wrong. We kept it quiet, and because of that, it was peaceful.” Azriel’s eyes meet Cassian’s twin ones, and he smirks without humor. “But you already know what that’s like, don’t you?”

He does. Cassian crosses his arms, waiting for Az to continue.

“Anyway, we had a good run. For a long time, it was mostly just sex, but I liked her. I liked her a lot.” Az kicks at the snow-dusted cobblestones. “Then Christmas came around, and Rhys found out.” His face darkens as he remembers, and Cassian stiffens, knowing what’s next isn’t good. Sometimes Rhys forgets the boundary between boss and brother.

“He didn’t say anything about it to Elain, of course,” Azriel says. “But he dragged my ass aside and gave me this huge lecture about us using each other as rebounds. Said ‘Feyre’s sister’ deserves better or some shit. I told him there was more to it than that, but he wouldn’t listen. Instead he brought Vanserra & Co. into it, like his business matters had anything to do with me and Elain.” Azriel’s eyes crinkle at the corners in a puzzled way. “So I got to thinking, ‘why would he bring the Vanserras up?’ He made it seem like such a big deal.” The toe of his boot digs a hole into the ground.

Sympathy churns alongside anger in Cassian’s chest for Azriel’s situation, anger at Rhysand for crossing that line between brothers. He’s only momentarily grateful that Rhys never tried doing something similar to him and Nesta.

“I thought she was over that other guy, Lucien,” Az continues. “But maybe she’s not, if Rhys is so concerned about what Lucien’s stepfather thinks. Anyway, that’s why I ran. Because I knew she liked me, but I also knew she didn’t love me. I didn’t want us to cause all that trouble with Rhys just to end up backed into a corner one day, having nowhere else to go because she loves someone else and I’m just a rebound. It would be awkward for everyone involved.” He scratches the back of his neck. “It’s mostly my fault, for always chasing after women I can’t have.” He finally looks up at Cassian. “When you talk to Elain, does it sound like she hates me?” The question is quiet, straightforward.

“No,” Cassian answers, voice rough. Even if Azriel wants to hide his feelings, Cassian won’t. “She doesn’t seem like she hates you. I don’t even think she’s mad at you.” Concerned, anxious, upset—that’s Elain as far as he knows.

“She should hate me,” Azriel says. “She should get pissed, burn my old clothes, and swear to never talk to me again. That’s the only way she can move on.” Maybe even move back to Lucien, is what goes unsaid.

Cassian isn’t so sure about that. Even as he feels for Az, he thinks both of his brothers should get slapped upside the head for how they’ve been acting lately. He won’t be the one to do it, but he might get Nesta to relay a message to Elain. It’ll be the same thing. “I’m sorry,” he tells Az instead. “I know I’ve been hard on you lately. When we get home, I’ll start doing better.” He claps Az on the shoulder and squeezes.

Azriel surprises him by scoffing, looking away in disbelief. “Wow, being compassionate is really a full time job for you, huh?” He claps Cassian’s shoulder back, pulling him into a sudden hug. “You’ve already done more than enough,” he says into Cassian’s ear. “Go to your girlfriend and take a rest.”

Taken aback, Cassian nods and pulls away. He’s about to turn around and leave when Az says, “By the way, I wasn’t flirting with Gwyn.”

Cassian raises a brow. “You were definitely doing something.”

Az rolls his eyes. “I’m not giving her anything she can’t handle. But in case you haven’t noticed, I have no interest in other women right now.” He makes a face. “Especially not her.”

Cassian chuckles. “I believe you. It’s Nesta you need to worry about.”

“Whatever. I’m not scared of her.”

That makes Cassian laugh even harder, but he turns around, ready to go back to said girlfriend. As he nears the fire pit, though, he finds that Gwyn is already there and cuddled up to Nesta. On Nesta’s other side, Emerie now sits in Cassian’s chair, asleep on her friend’s shoulder. He stops in his tracks.

Cassian wasn’t lying when he told Nesta that he was happy about their changed vacation plans—he believes the more the merrier, and he loves these people. Yet he can’t help but wish the two of them could be alone for just one day. Only one.

God, sometimes having friends sucks.

***

a/n: this is a two parter so next chapter we’ll finally be getting more nessian alone time

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland

[whump-town]

The second Hotch pulls the car into park doors are flying open. They’ve got about five minutes to get into the gas station to use the bathroom and get snacks before he threatens to leave them behind. He won’t leave them behind but it’s a fun little game to play. For the adrenaline rush of looking out the gas station window and seeing Hotch coming around the corner of the car and making a waving motion that means the gas has been pumped and he’s getting in the car.

“Is Reid still eating thirty Rice Krispies a day?” Emily asks over the aisle she’s currently in. There’s a whole row dedicated to Rice Krispies. Covered in chocolate, with sprinkles, nearly any way a child (or Reid) could want to eat them. Heaven in a gas station.

“Ugh,” JJ can’t remember when she last saw Reid eat one. Which, she supposes, is answer enough. “No, get him, uhm, gummy worms.” He’ll always eat gummy worms no matter what food he’s fixated on this week. “Sour is probably preferable.” This would be easier if Reid just came in with them but he chose to sit out and wait with Hotch. She can see him from here walking lazy circles around the pump. Chattering away if his waving hands are any indication to go on.

“Copy that,” Emily mumbles and turns around to find Trolli gummy worms. He doesn’t like any of the Harribro gummies, says they hurt his teeth because they’re too chewy. “Anything else, JJ?” She jumps as she turns and finds the blonde standing right behind her. “Fuck,” she says, grabbing her chest. “We have got to get you a bell.”

JJ smirks and points to a little pack of donuts, “those please?”

Emily grabs them and leaves the aisle, still mumbling under her breath about JJ. She turns at the top of the aisle and stops a moment to see what Rossi’s doing. The answer is readily available to her because he sees her and shows her the sandwiches in his hand. “Do you see any without tomatoes? All of them have tomatoes and mayonnaise. I can take the cheese off but…”

Hotch will only eat the blandest, most unflavored foods. Logically, she knows his stomach can’t handle a lot. All the anesthesia, surgeries, and trauma he’s endured over the years has, essentially, ruined its lining. At the same time, he makes these gas station runs so difficult. Won’t even stop to consider getting himself something to eat and, on top of that, is going to be annoyed Dave stopped and tried anyways.

Now here she is getting dragged into the mess too.

“Just…” all the sandwiches are egg salad and something with ham and mayonnaise and neither of those are things he’ll even give the time of day to look at let alone eat. “There’s cashews over where JJ is and, ugh, I don’t know. Get him like a protein bar and a Powerade. Might not be a full course meal but he won’t pass out from dehydration or low blood pressure.” And with Hotch, just like Reid, you just have to cut the losses. It’s about the effort, really.

Morgan rounds the corner with his goodies - a purple Powerade, beef jerky, and two protein bars. Peanut butter, he prefers them. “You two got yourselves something? Reid’s buying us time but the kid can only hold Hotch for so long.” They all glance to the car, Hotch now leaning his hip against the front and listening as Reid talks very animatedly.

“You get the peanuts,” she tells Rossi. “I’ll get the rest.”

JJ and Morgan head for the counter.

“Hotch is waving!”

Impatient bastard.

She grabs two red Poweraids and hopes he’s boycotting red foods this week.

“Emily!”

She grabs the bars and peanut M&Ms for herself. “Tell him to kiss my ass,” she answers Morgan, standing there in the doorway frowning. “You can quote me.”

He leaves, the door ringing as it swings shut.

He won’t tell Hotch what she said but he’ll still get the picture.

“Thanks,” she mumbles to the cashier and waves as Hotch brings the car to a stop right in front of the door. “Patience,” she says as she opens the door and slides into the seat. “It’s not one of your virtues, Agent Hotchner.”

He grunts, frown deepening as she deposits the bars in his lap and the powerade in the cup holder closests to him. “And subordination is not one of yours.”

She smirks, “thank you. That’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Now he feels like telling her to kiss his ass.

Morgan elbows her and she cages, understands that’s his warning the shut up. To keep her mouth shut or next time he won’t let them stop.

Hotch gets back onto the highway, the radio playing slightly over the sound of the engine. Bags rustle occasionally but his pit stop has bought him at least half an hour of silence. He doesn’t mind getting set back a a few minutes just for these moments of reprieve. Blissful silence.

[tomtenadia]

In your arms

Rowaelin moth - Day 15 - Bad day

This is set in the Island Dreams AU.

This fic is basically three years after the wedding scene and somewhere before the epilogue which is 5 years later.

Aelin had a bad day at the hospital and Rowan looks after her.

Aelin loved her job. A lot. When she got offered the job of senior emergency surgeon she had been ecstatic, especially after the London drama. She had many years of experience in a big trauma centre in London and a hospital on the islands would never be any close to the madness of the capital. There were days though, when a smaller sized hospital showed just how difficult it could get.

That was one of those days. She and Malcolm had been running around the A&E non stop directing the show and supervising the treatments. They had victims of a car crash happened just outside Stornoway, two different patients airlifted from two different locations with sever injuries, and on top of that the usual influx of people. Her day had got even worse when a 3 years old girl was brought in after an extreme allergic reaction to something she ate. According to the mother’s tale she had started having trouble breathing very quickly after the ingestion of the food. By the time the girl was brought in she had already been without oxygen for too long. Her heart had stopped beating soon after. Aelin had stood near the mother and tried to comfort the woman who had gone in shock herself at the sudden loss of her daughter.

Once free again she had rushed to the toilet and emptied the contents of her stomach. Then sat on the bathroom floor and cried. It did not help that she was pregnant and hormonal. The girl’s death had hit her badly.

Her two girls, Freyja and Morrigan were the same age as the girl she had lost. The idea of losing them was so painful that would just send her into a full panic attack.

And now she and Rowan had decided to give it a go and add another member to their family. After months of trying they were finally successful and they now had a boy on his way.

Slowly she made her way back into her office and plopped heavily in her chair, her head in her hands while tears still run down her cheeks.

She picked up her mobile and phoned the one person who could help her.

Rowan picked up immediately.

“Missing your husband this much?” His voice cheery, but her chest tightened and more sobs broke through.

“Aelin, are you okay?” He asked her when he heard her sobbing over the phone.

“I just…” her voice broken “I just lost a three year old girl.”

Rowan was silent for a moment probably looking at the twins who she knew were at the bookshop with him.

“How?”

Aelin sobbed once more “anaphylactic shock.”

“What can I do?”

“Nothing. I just needed to hear your voice.”

A moment later she heard a girl’s voice and realised that Freyja had rushed to Rowan and now wanted to talk to her mum.

Aelin spoke to her daughter for a bit until she stated that she had to go back slaying the dragon.

“How have they been?”

Rowan chuckled “Morrigan has been playing quietly on the mat and coloured a couple of pages of her book.” He sighed “Freyja in the meantime has slain three dragons, saved a prince in distress, went on a quest to find the perfect marker and now is helping me tidy the books in the history section. If she sits down for five minutes I call it a success.” 

A small chuckle left Aelin. Their daughters were identical physically, but they were complete opposite when it came to behaviour. Morrigan was like Rowan, calm and quiet. Freyja was a hurricane. Constantly moving and full of energy.

“You could have left them with my mum.”

“Ach, mo chridhe, you know I love having them in the shop. I had a busy day and Freyja just loves to charm the customer with her babbling.”

After a moment of silence Rowan spoke again “how are you two?”

Aelin’s hand went to her stomach “baby and I are fine. The nausea today is not too bad.”

“You need to take it easy.”

Aelin huffed “I worked when I was pregnant with the twins, surely I can manage with just one tenant.”

“I know, but remember what Yrene said.”

“Tha.” She replied. She had been taking Gaelic lessons for a while now, especially because they had decided to raise their daughters to be bilingual, so Aelin had been putting effort in it. But her progress had been slower than she expected and she was still very shy in showing off her language skills.

In that moment her pager went off and she groaned. It was definitely one of those days “Ro, I need to go. Give a kiss to the girls.”

“Will do.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too, fireheart.”

She hung up and ran outside, ready for more drama and a shift that didn’t seem to end. Malcolm met her halfway “Accident in a farm. Crush injuries and chemical burns.”

“This day just gets better and better,” she grabbed the protective gown he passed and while walking to the the A&E she donned the gear.

***

It was later than expected when she did manage to leave the hospital. It really had been the day from hell and all she wanted to do was curl on the sofa in Rowan’s arms while watching the twins play.

She stepped in the house and was quite taken aback by the silence. Their house was never quiet.

“Rowan?” She called, while dumping her messenger bag at the entrance and shedding shoes and jacket “Ro?”

He appeared a moment later with a towel around his waist and Aelin blamed the hormones because in that moment all she wanted to do was to jump him, but with the girls around that was a treat that would have to wait.

“Taking showers without me?” Seeing him in front of her, washed away the tension and the stress of a horrible day.

Rowan opened his arms for her and Aelin crashed in his embrace, his lips kissing the crown of her head.

“Where are the girls?”

“With your mum.” He explained “I thought that after the bad day you had, you could do with some peace and quiet and some care from your husband.” He took her hand and walked upstairs to their bathroom. He opened the door and Aelin gasped. The lights were off but there were candles all around the tub, which in turn was filled with bubbles and foam and Aelin could smell her favourite bath salts.

“I just thought you and I could relax…”

Aelin threw her arms around his neck and kissed him “you really are the man of my dreams.”

He kissed her back and then his hands started to rover along her body “but first… we need to get you out of these clothes…” he whispered and turned her so that her back was against his chest. Slowly he removed her shirt and then the trousers, his hand caressing her bump that had started to show. He then unclasped her bra and soon after her knickers were gone too. Aelin turned in his arms and begged for a kiss he did not deny her.

“You are stunning.” He said softly while his lips teased her neck.

Aelin in response snorted “I will be a stranded whale again, some of the weight I gained from the twins never left me and I have horrible stretch marks. Seriously, you need glasses.”

Rowan’s kiss deepened and her legs went weak. After three years of marriage he still had that power over her.

“You are gorgeous. And those marks are proof of the amazing job you did to bring our girls into the world. They don’t bother me.” 

She seemed to believe him and hugged against his chest “sorry,” a small sob broke from her lips “It was such a horrible shift today.”

“Shhh…” Rowan took her hand “nothing a bath with your husband won’t solve.”

Rowan slowly climbed in the big tub and then took her hand for her to follow him.

She sat against his chest, water lapping against her skin. She dunked her head under the water and then leaned it against his shoulder. Rowan grabbed some shampoo and slowly started massaging her scalp.

“This is perfect,” she moaned and Rowan kissed her neck, while his hand trailed down her arms in gentle caresses “just relax in my arms, I am here for you. Let me take care of you.”

Aelin closed her eyes and let the feel of him wash away the dreadful day she had. The pain, the anguish and the fears.

“Thank you for always being at my side. For being my rock.”

Rowan gently kissed her head “when I married you I promised I would be at your side in difficult times…” his hands covered her bump “You are my everything and making sure that you are fine after a dreadful shift goes under my job of husband.”

Her head turned slightly and kissed the length of his neck.

“At our wedding I also promised chocolate cake and, after we finish our bath, I have it ready for you.”

“Good,” she whispered while turning and straddling him. When they fixed up the house they got a bathtub large enough that would allow them to have some fun in it.

“Aelin…” his warning tone. She knew he was not keen on them having sex while she was pregnant, no matter how many times Yrene had told them it was okay.

“I thought you said you’d do anything to make me happy…” her hands slipped under the water and gripped him “your wife is asking you to help her forget.”

At those words he caved because knowing she was okay and happy was all he cared about.

And slowly, in her husband’s arms Aelin forgot about death and pain and only felt his love… healing.

In his arms, love pushed away all the pain.