#it’s not rly meant as an educational thing for other ppl

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

The thing that distinguishes dignity of risk from unsafe practice is 1) informed consent and 2) lack of coercion.

Take, for example, Yvie Oddly.

Yvie Oddly is a drag queen. She was the winner of Season 11 of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and also participated in All Stars 7 (all winners season). If you watch her drag now, it’s very different. In Season 11, Yvie was doing a lot of contortionist stunts on stage, or moving in a very fluid and “jointless” way for effect during performances. Nowadays, she uses a wheelchair part time, and she mostly hosts events so she can sit safely and protect her joints.

Why the change?

Yvie has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS), a genetic disorder which affects the hypermobility of joints, among other things. Notably, for EDS people, overextending joints consistently or performing those contortionist stunts is really bad for their joint health, and can cause their joints to stay in place much more weakly.

Yvie Oddly knew that. She was aware well before performing on Drag Race that her stunts and performances would damage her joints, and that it would shorten the limited timeframe she would have to walk and move without a mobility aid. With that knowledge, she chose to do those stunts anyway, because she enjoyed doing them and it was part of her career at the time. Notably, Yvie is still a drag queen. She chose to perform on Drag Race herself. In one of the episodes, despite not being required to, she chooses to perform through an injury. Are these the safe practices for people with EDS? Absolutely not. Did Yvie know that, and choose them anyway? Yes. Would it be wrong for the show producers to require Yvie to perform with an injury or not accommodate her EDS? Yes, 10000%. Should Yvie have been prevented from doing so? No.

Dignity of risk sometimes means that there is a very high or guaranteed known risk of harm. Yvie’s performances 5-6 years ago have likely directly contributed to her using a wheelchair so often now. That’s not a tragedy, or something that should have been prevented, because Yvie knew the risk and chose to do it anyway.

Does that mean others with EDS should do what Yvie did? No, not necessarily. She made risky choices, and someone shouldn’t make those choices without being informed of the potential outcomes. It would be wrong for a doctor to tell their patient “well, Yvie Oddly here has EDS too, and she’s doing all these splits and bends and contortions on stage, so you can do those too!” without also giving the context of the joint damage accumulated by those stunts. But it would also be wrong for a person with EDS to be told “Any unsafe or risky choices you make mean that you don’t deserve help anymore, because you knew it would make your disability symptoms worse and you did it anyway”. Yvie shouldn’t be denied access to a wheelchair because she chose to perform in a risky way before. She still deserves to be accommodated now.

Anyway. I think this should be applied to more contexts. Disabled people shouldn’t have to perform their disability accommodations “correctly” or always choose the safest option so they don’t get blamed and punished for their symptoms. Abled people make risky choices all the time.

[ca-suffit]

I have a question for you concerning the show and racial education. Like, it's wrong to call Armand manipulative? Bc I found him very manipulative, but I don't want to sound racist telling it. How should I point his faults? Or I shouldn't?

It's not wrong to call Armand manipulative or Louis a liar or any of those things. Every character is complex and u can say that out loud! It's great to have black and brown characters have these layers instead of be one dimensional stereotypes. It's also good there's so many of them around too, not just one or two. U don't have to worry about sounding racist for commenting on what the writers and actors are saying is there for u to see in the characters.

What makes this stuff racist is if u were to talk about it in a way that reveals ur own bias. This is what a lot of the white fandom ppl do. A rly obvious way would be like "u can't trust Louis to tell the truth, he's black," or "show Armand feels less innocent than book Armand." Most ppl aren't doing that tho. Usually u'll see it in ways like how Lestat's behavior is talked about in a way that's easily forgiven, misunderstood, or going to be revealed to be a lie, but *everything* shitty about Armand is true, no question. Then there's usually a doubling down of "it's not about race, it's in the books!" The show has so far not given any indication that Lestat is innocent of anything, so to want everyone to lighten up on the white guy but say the brown one is "clearly" evil is gonna make u sound racist af.

Ur meant to feel uneasy about Armand rn, about Armand and Louis, about the theatre, all of this stuff. All of these characters are doing things that are fucked up and meant to have u questioning everything. If u look at how ppl write, u'll see how often Daniel and Lestat are seen in positive lights for doing fucked up shit that black and brown characters can't do without being instantly condemned. How many ppl said Louis is the worst for anything he does to Daniel but overlook *all* Daniel's behavior towards Louis (AND Armand AND the staff)? If Lestat were the one doing those things to Daniel, ppl prbly wouldn't even notice. Did u see ppl complain about Lestat making that man slap himself in the theatre in S1? Even when Lestat is doing some antiblack, outright abusive shit to his own family, the fandom is calling it "cunty." No other character has done anything close to that but we're supposed to forgive him already because that was all "Louis' lies" and "we'll see the truth soon" (that it was all Armand, wtf). Louis does a fraction of a fraction of that to a white character, who is consistently being disrespectful towards everyone, and he's "gone too far." Do u see the difference? We're going to be seeing more of Armand so u can watch how the fandom is gonna be racist af about this in real time. Ppl will not be as affectionate to him as they were to Lestat. He's going to instantly be said to be "bad" and "evil" and Loumand is fucked up, Louis needs to go back to Lestat etc. These are things u can rly think too, it's not racist to not like Armand or Loumand because it *is* fucked up. But u'll see the difference still tho. Ppl who overly imply "it's not a race thing" when hating on Armand, Louis or Loumand are probably racist because there's no reason to have to clarify that if it's not. Nobody rly thinks ur racist for saying stuff ur supposed to notice. Nobody needs the black and brown characters to be perfect, we know they're all fucked up too. It's the *way* u talk about it.

damn this was long lol. I hope that made sense? anyone can add on too if u wanna elaborate on this. I know white fandom has ppl fucked up on this bcuz they're telling everyone "the others" all think u can only talk positively about black and brown characters and everyone hates Lestat cuz he's white but that's not true. They're lying to make u hate specific ppl on purpose and victimize themselves. It's typical white supremacist "logic," like politicians do when they say CRT promotes racism, or stealing the word "woke" and turning it into a negative association in ppl's minds. get educated about their bs so u can avoid getting manipulated by it.

[kendrixtermina]

Gaza is NOT totalitarian

One thing you always hear from Zionists or even unaffiliated random westerners who know little about the conflict as a reason why the war is, if not completely justified, then at least tragically unavoidable, is that Gaza is a totalitarian regime & they’re either all indoctrinated to hate Israelis, or get portrayed as passive victims with no agency that need to be „liberated“

But over the last weeks we have seen a lot of scenes of life out of gaza and i have also read many books & watched documentaries to further educate myself and there is just no trace of that anywhere.

No big posters of leaders in classroom, no symbols & logos everywhere, no political phrases in people’s everyday speech, many of the people in videos seem totally a-political & lament that their family had nothing to do with the resistance or the war. They spend more time talking about friggin olive trees and embroidery than politics.

You could glean a bunch about their culture from the videos – extended families live together in big shared houses, they are very affectionate with children, they value community, the sport they tend to be obsessed about is Football…

Saudi arabia, for example, bans booze, art, music & forces everyone to wear burqas – that’s just not the case in Palestine. There are woman doctors & journalists, a wealth of poets & painters. You can buy booze grown in the west bank. You see the occasional lady without hijab, like Bisan often has her hair out, which tells me the ones that DO wear it do so because they want to, which is their good right. There were several Christian churches apparently operating just fine inside Gaza, until Israel bombed them.

I heard that 4th way esoterism was influenced by Sufism which is an off-shoot of Islam, & seeing the religious mantras people cited I could see the relationship - they said stuff like they should trust in God's destiny, that God alone is enough for them etc. it has that same "accept what is & surrender to the universe, real strength comes from contact with divinity & then you need nothing else" vibe - though of course the esoterists believe less in a personal god & more in a panentheist "Unity Of Being". Ppl used to make a lot of bogeyman talk out of Islam meaning "submission" but now I think it's probably meant in a "surrender to the universe & accept what is" kinda way & that ppl ended up projecting the authoritarian character of Christianity onto it. Islam is alot more de-central & everyone does their own thing, innit? I remember that when Muslims hit a certain percentage in Germany they thought of introducing Islam classes to school (in addition to the Catholic & Lutheran classes they have - atheists & ppl of other religions get "ethics" instead which is basically moral philosophy) but one problem they ran into is that there's no central authority to get a course plan from. There is no such thing as a muslim pope. There are extremists who ARE authoritarian, like Saudi arabia (as there are of all religions; They're all the same, rly, it's probably down to some flaw in human brains) but that doesn't mean everyone's like that. You might pt down the authoritarianism there to Saudi Arabia being an absolutist monarchy...

(Of course, a lot of less educated westerners don’t know that the kind of extremism seen in the Saudis & Taliban is actually a fairly recent movement that was able to take over due to the ME being destabilized in the cold war… the area was once stable, organized & well-educated.)

Some of the people covering the war like Bisan, Plestia, Saleh etc. were normal instagrammers before, doing normal instagram things, not a hint of politics to be found.

I also recall this post by a gay ude saying that yeah it’s not super welcoming but there’s not really systematic persecution – your family might kick you out or quietly tolerate it while wanting nothing to do with it… so just like the more religious parts of the USA basically.

Also, I’d like to note that even if gaza WERE totalitarian, people in totalitarian countries don’t cease to be human and their lives don’t become worthless. Not everyone is a True Believer, most are just scared out of their mind. You need to read „Jugend Ohne Gott“, you need to watch „Das Boot“, you need to listen to stories of people who escaped from North Korea. Maybe if it’s easier to epathize with a fictional depiction, read 1984 or The Handmaid’s tale.

So, I consider myself German because that’s where I grew up & the only culture I have any emotional attachment to, but my parents are Cuban. Cuba is a fairly „soft“ totalitarian state in that dissenters are „only“ beaten & their job prospects ruined, not outright killed like in North Korea or under the Nazis, but even so, my grandma still rips up all papers before throwing them away because spies would go through people’s trash, and my parents needed to be told several times by friends that it’s OK to criticize politicians in public before they would feel comfortable riffing on then.chancellor Kohl.

Note, however, that people DID mock the Castros in private, among trusted family members. There are tons of jokes mocking them. Heck, even mocked Hitler behind closed doors – they used to call them Flüsterwitze („whisper jokes“) because if you say them out loud they shoot you. Just to illustrate how people trapped in totalitarian states are human.

Even in the early 2000s when I was still pretty young, I didn’t buy that it’s OK to kill Iraqis just because there is a Dictator. The citizens are victims, and unlike the leadership they are poor & can’t flee. What if someone invaded Cuba and killed all my cousins just to punish the bad guy opressing them? That din’t seem fair. They said I’d understand when I’m older but all I understood is what utter bullshit that war was.

We’ve heard so many Palestinians talking about their plight and there is hardly anyone speaking of repression or totalitarianism, including peole who left the country. (In stark contrast to Cubans, North Koreans or people who fled the Nazis, who don’t shut up about how much it sucked) There is not zero repression (like an incident where Hamas got Fatah-affiliated workers fired), but the same can be said of Israel or even the west – McCarthyism or the current withhunt against pro-palestine ppl.

Meanwhile we have that creepy song of Israeli children calling for murder, and many videos by Israelis saying they were indoctrinated. One person mentioned being outright told that arabs were their „enemy“, while two arab boys were sitting in her class. I also hear that many Israelis go most of their lives without even interacting with a Palestinian outside of military service.

So, yeah, I think it’s pretty clear who the indoctrinated ones are.

[pyxscythe]

You talking about how welcomed you have felt with being a system in lincus community makes me tempted to do the front status thing but also slightly scared

LINC'S COMMUNITY IS INCREDIBLY EDUCATED AND WELCOMING!!!!! Ok to like elaborate on my experiences:

it's not even that much . But that also means it's nothing NEGATIVE.

All of my friends know I'm a system even if they don't always actively/consciously think about it or necessarily "have it in mind" and even if not everyone is super like in-depth educated on systems they're still VERY welcoming and accepting and no one is weird or ignorant abt it :]

Not everyone will use the name listed in front status, honestly for the most part whatever collective name is still used but SOME people will !! E.x. in Maddy's discord when it was Branzy fronting once she referred to him by name instead of Pierce (which was collective before Dirk was), we liked to push the fact that we didn't care if people just used our collective name and ESPECIALLY streamers because it's already hard enough to remember names sometimes

I mentioned it on twt alt ofc but Linc just swapped names even if we didn't signoff a name or anything in chat??? We just had the front listed as Branzy instead of Pierce on Twitter and discord and then in stream he said Branzy instead of Pierce, Jack actually also asked at one point to clarify if that meant Branzy was the preferred name to use at the time and we just said dw about it (he's not like As Knowledgeable on systems as the other 2)

As for the community in the discord again not everyone will use the front name but everyone will respect your identity as a system :] Maddy's server also has both pluralkit and tupper in it and a separate channel for system intros for those who want to use it, we don't use pk in her server because we've kinda built ourselves up as a collective identity and we can't be bothered in general (we would have to make alts lmao we don't like to rly openly be fictives in public spaces because like. The main fucking 3 fronters a lot of the time are literally introjects of the trio.)

One thing ppl who like follow our sys priv will know is we experience a lot of anxiety involving introjects:

It's not necessary. We just have it anyway. Realistically everyone is very accepting. Maddy laughs at our system jokes. She liked a joke our Maddy fictive made where she said something like "I'd want to be millkberry". I've in some way said on alt that I'm a k!lincu fictive. Pyro literally sent the navy seal copypasta to our Pyro fictive on Tumblr. We can make alter jokes to people and they won't think it's weird. Alicia literally makes me less anxious to be a fictive because she's so Normal about systems. There have been other systems in chat who have talked about their sysmates and no one has judged them for it. I've seen a couple sign off their messages in chat. There's plenty of systems around the ksmp community as well who list their front and no one is strange about it.

This general community is VERY accepting of systems 🙏 No one will judge you no one will be weird about it and if anyone was then literally EVERYONE would fucking jump that person. I would personally ensure they don't wake up the next day. (in a video game)

At the very least no one is judgemental. Even the people who don't really know anything about systems will be accepting. It's kind of a thing that you work yourself up over a lot then when you're outward about it it's really underwhelming and you're like well damn why was I worrying so much. But that's just life sometimes cause being a system is Scary but Linc Jack and Maddy's communities are very welcoming o7

I've like vaguely considered being more openly-a-system again!! But I'm still debating how much I care because really I'd just be putting a name or proxy in a displayname again and we have our front status in discord still so :pp We just wouldn't really be referred to in a system way and that's fine with us, basically it's like "This would do nothing so idk if I care" but also "This would do nothing and I dont mind that so I'm not nervous about doing it if I decide to" yk?

[akitamafumis]

trying to go through life thoughts

I wrote some thoughts on the l/n starira AU that i am putting here for posterity . mainly .

I don’t really know where to start or how to go into this. I made a comment to frog about how i thought that thematically l/n weren’t too far off, at least with some things. There’s the difference between revue’s focus on selfishness, but i think in a way you can see those as the difference between theatre and music (non-theatre) as art forms. Does that make sense? It’s an interesting part of a band, that the thematic idea of selfishness literally can only go so far—anyone can hope to be the lead in theatre, but a drumset player can’t hope to play the melody (you’re about to pitch your idea for a set of chromatically tuned toms. There’s nothing i can say to you that would stick in your brain).

So that was kind of my general vibe. I felt like there were enough similarities to justify the differences to make it make sense. I was only doing it as a writing exercise and it kind of spiraled. Ppl have talked about how it’s rly hard to revue something else because besides just fun aesthetics for art, it requires upward work to try and justify the occurrences in the AU to make it actually work. So i thought, maybe, it’d be fun to try and work through those thoughts a bit and see what I could come up with.

The most major change of note is that Shiho’s parents work in theatre in some way—it’s super vague and I didn’t want to come up with any concrete answers just because it felt pointless to. One of her parents might be a rinmeikan graduate or a family member was a teacher there or something, hence how they ended up with an old Rinmeiki vhs, and a result of her parents being in theatre means her desire to be a professional musician is switched to a desire to be a professional actor. A lot of what ripples out from there in terms of their childhood is pretty self explanatory: they watch Rinmeiki, put on little plays together just the four of them, and then things fall apart as they grow older.

I wanted to get them relatively close to pjsk canon at the start moreso than starira’s, so the perf department is already closed while they’re in their first year. I think in the context of this story they had more members at the start of the year, but people (upperclassmen) dropped into general education just because they knew the department was going to close down, until it was just Shiho and Ichika. Upperclassmen are only 2nd years, bc the part of my brain that cares too much ab logistics thinks the school would let any third years graduate in their department before shutting it at the end of the year but ANYWAY.

Kanade and Shizuku showing up is just because i needed two people connected to two of our people. I don’t know what school kanade/25ji go to. MMJ are frontier they’re. Idols. I have no idea who frau platin is. Actual answer probably Iori. But instead. Haruhi Minamoto. Fuck you.

There’s a lot about what I did with honami that ends up feeling like favorite character favoritism. And it IS. But it was also tied to the fact she did brass band in middle school, so she’s converted to being the most theatre oriented behind Shiho. Rather than Honami being ostracized for what she is in canon, it’s for acting, which was mainly because i needed a reason for her to quit acting specifically. Centering acting does shift the fact that for both honami and shiho acting becomes the center of their straining relationship with ichika/each other, rather than their interpersonal problems. But revue generally ties personal problems and the stage up together, so i think it’s not an unfair thing to change, and it’s not so much a change for Shiho, anyway.

Also honami’s weapon IS NOT A SCYTHE. It is just a lance. They have pretty boring revue weapons. The scythe joke is ABOUT HER NAME ONLY. IT IS UNFORTUNATE, BUT MERELY COINCIDENCE. WE SHOULD KILL KOCHO SHIZUHA.

The. Story is meant to conceptually cover what would be the school story (partially)+opening arc… a hypothetical main story (which you will never see from me because SCOPE) would large scale consist of them trying to form an official association and performance festival, etc etc etc, alongside their individual character arcs.

As far as the characters, shiho’s follow up would cover um. Obviously. Saki and Ichika have both taken Shiho helping/joining the association to mean that she’s not planning on transferring but that is still very much on the table for her. Only Honami is aware that the . Fights within their group aren’t over yet which is meant to compound with a certain lack of confrontation.

Honami’s would center around that whole revue weapon business, and the sense of regaining her brilliance. There are certain elements that tie into pjsk canon in terms of her (re)finding the confidence to speak her mind and put her foot down more, slowly. I think also as a secondary thing she gets into directing, over time.

Saki’s the most vague in my mind. I think she’s got passion and conviction but a sort of lack of direction, even though those two usually lead to the third. It’s the least developed in my brain so far. There’s also maybe something about her illness, both in terms of recognizing her own limits and acknowledging them, but also in not sidelining herself from going for lead roles, or something.

Ichika sort of lacks a lot as a stage girl initially. In her idea that she has parts of the rest of the group in herself i thought about including some implication that she doesn’t know what she would pass on to the three of them in return, but i couldn’t fit a line in about it without drawing a lot of attention to it, and it would fly under the radar after that revue and not come up again for a while. She’s also still carrying baggage for assuming the fault of the department shutting down.

Point is, when saki and ichika agree about not fighting each other and only facing other schools from now on, they are entirely off base. Things aren’t really fully aligned.

Okay. Now for my least favorite part. I thought revue intros would be fun and now i have to talk about them a little bit briefly. All of them contain an element of their name, alongside. Okay.

Saki’s is a mess well okay that’s not fair they’re all a mess to me . The “Bright skies” in the opening references the her last name, and the reference to blossoms her first name. Hers also overtly. References Rinmeiki.

Shiho’s isn’t tied to rinmeiki at all and the name references are the most vague, but her is very. Situationally accurate and i think remains so. She does the hard carrying for the revue conversion and i think up until the transferring confrontation comes to a head she’s often sort of . Antagonistic in trying to push the rest to either rise to the challenge or give up. “Brilliance pierces through the artificial shades” is the reference to her name. Brilliance standing in for sun and um. Sun piercing through the treetops. Also the final line the use of the word rises.

Ichika’s guided by the light of stars is her name reference, alongside the “melody of our song” thing. Rinmeiki are referenced as well, “against the flow of history” and the thing about her being a hero.

Honami’s is so heavy handed it hurts me and that’s what she gets for being last. She references all four of their names, and doesn’t have a specific Rinmeiki reference.

They also all specifically reference themselves differently. Ichika and Saki as students of rinmeikan, shiho as merely a stage girl, and honami as part of the performance association (which technically doesn’t exist officially when she says that).

I think…that’s kind of everything I’ve got…at least for now. That’s the bulk of it, really, i think. I hope. I don’t know :)

[angeloncewas]

my main issue w minx isnt what shes said in the past but that shes shown that she doesnt rly take valid criticism of her seriously. like she relies on her chat to educate her abt things instead of doing her own research, and then when she was trying to apologize for using the b slur, she kept using it throughout the apology even though people had explained to her that she shouldnt be saying that word?? i like that shes trying to show that shes grown instead of ignoring criticism, but she also just hasn't rly shown she's grown ig? dont get me wrong, i used to love any collabs she did w ppl from the smp, shes hilarious, but now she just kinda makes me uncomfy...

Mmm yeah. I've had that problem with other creators/people/whoever - I think in general a mistake or ignorant action is less telling than the person's response. If they get defensive or manipulative or just generally shit, then they clearly aren't willing to learn, even though learning and personal growth is a constant thing for all of us

In her defense (again, as someone who's not very familiar with her) criticism and hate get really, really blurry sometimes online. She already probably gets a lot of shit for being a female Twitch streamer, pile on the "get away from him 🤺🤺" to death threat spectrum she gets every time she so much as breathes in the direction of a guy, as well as mcyttwt's propensity to nitpick instead of focusing on important issues (not always, but you can't deny this happens) and you've probably got a warped perception of what criticism is and is meant to be

At the end of the day though, that's not an excuse. Because her actions and words still hurt people, and while I am an advocate for observable change over apologies, a half-assed apology definitely doesn't help. I do hope she gets the opportunity to grow, but you're very valid in feeling uncomfortable because of her lack of showing it so far

[eveningclouds]

I’m in school currently and I’m so overwhelmed just with the amount of work and my grades are like barely okay. But like on top of that, I’ve recently learned that most of the ppl in my class have been networking, finding internships, making connections, etc. and I’m nowhere NEAR that. I just feel so stupid and lazy and unprepared. Like I really feel that I am not meant for higher education or like adulthood in general lmfao

hiii ur definitely not alone in this like. this is Literally me too, & it applies to other ppl ik as well...i think the thing is to jz take it one step at a time n just focus on urself (easier said than done sorry) - it's a lot easier to notice other ppl's good things than it is to notice their bad things yk? u don't have the full picture & there r soo many ppl in ur boat too, & esp during These Times, the things that were considered to be the 'bare minimum' pre-covid are now rly rly difficult, n networking stuff is rly difficult no matter what, & u deserve credit for what u ARE accomplishing rn in school too bcz it's neat ur pursuing it!! ✨⭐️🌟⚡️💫

[juni-ravenhall]

@graphicutecorgi - im rly glad u commented this bc this is a rly important issue that many ppl dont understand the different angles to! 

if u as a minor go online and enter spaces where adult content is allowed (for example, tumblr allows written adult content and only bans some types of sensitive content), or adult-dominated spaces, or spaces intended only for adults, AND YOUR PARENTS AREN’T AWARE OF THIS, u alone r choosing to take the risk of coming across adult-oriented content intended for adults. 

thats a risk u should avoid if u know that this content isnt suitable for ur age, or if its content that u dont want to see for any other reason. ur parents are very likely in the wrong here for not supervising u (and society/school for not educating u on online safety), allowing u to make this choice in the first place. minors do need to be supervised and protected until they’re ready to take responsibility for themselves, whether minors like it or not! (i have super shit abusive parents myself and wasnt supervised online, altho it didnt hurt me bc i didnt mind adult content anyway, but its a fault of supervision, and not of the adult content on the internet existing. it doesnt exist for ur eyes, it exists for other ppl than u. the internet in general is NOT SAFE FOR KIDS, tumblr included - which again allows adult written content and many other forms of sensitive content.) 

us adults should ofc strive to keep our adult things clearly marked and locked away from the eyes of kids! its rly important! but when u r in a space online that welcomes adult content, or in an adult space.... that space was never intended to be safe for the eyes of minors to begin with and its an illogical demand to make. its like going into a shop and saying they cant sell alcohol for adults just bc kids come there sometimes too. if the shop isnt meant for kids thats an illogical demand (and kids have their own specific safe shops where that demand is logical and fair!) 

[magical-agatha]

i wish i still had like. the memory of why i picked my name. it haunts me that i dont know why im aggy. other trans ppl know and its like. a big deal. naming urself. picking ur name is a thing thats rly cool and important. i dont have that tho. i wish i did. not knowing makes it feel like i came out of nowhere. a virgin birth from the void. no parents no catalyst. just suddenly there one day. and now im here. and im desperate to know why. and what my name means or meant to me. its like im missing a piece. im missing my truth, my essence.

okay interrupting this sadposting bc i just remembered something!!!!!!!!! i know why i abbreviate my name as aggy and not aggie. bc homestuck naming conventions and i am a fucking dork. agatha as a first name also fits the troll naming convention holy fucking shit. i remember trying to think of a last name that was 6 letters long and thematically appropriate. im such a dork holy shit.

okay but why agatha. is it just bc agatha christie?? i used to rly enjoy watching agatha christie movie adaptions with my grandma. like poirot.

im also a huge dork for ancient greece and agathe in ancient greek meant good iirc?? was that it?

is it rly that shallow lol. i want to be good. i want to be a good person and ive got a crippling self esteem problem bc of severe emotional abuse from my mother. i was always desperate to please her and im still like. internally. desperate for approval and reassurance that im a good girl... i cant function without my gf's presence bc she like. radiates something that reminds me that i am good. im not bad. i havent done anything wrong and i dont want to be scared. it has to be some serious dramatic irony that i named myself good and then forgot bc trauma.

i still dont rly like. remember doing this. i dont remember making this decision or thinking about it or when or where or the actual certain why. im just like. sifting thru fragments and making educated guesses. from an external perspective naming myself good bc i wanted to be a good person and a good girl subconsciously is like. sad as hell but also sweet i guess. i feel sorry for myself in a third person kind of way.

i wonder if theres any meaning here to why i refer to myself in 3rd person so much. im overanalysing. is calling myself aggy aka agatha aka good a subconscious like, reassurance to myself? telling myself im good. or am i asking ppl to call me good. idk. im definitely overanalysing. but its interesting to think about who i am and was and what i left behind.

dont reblog, obviously lol

[thatbrontide]

1. selfie: Look up a picture of an obvious meth addict. Stare at it with deep love. 2. what would you name your future kids? Euclid, Anya 3. do you miss anyone? I truly miss myself 4. what are you looking forward to? Learning to cook 5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? Tig Notaro I guess. 6. is it hard for you to get over anyone? I have been painfully missing my ex (the nice one) lately. Knife-to-gut type shit. It's ridiculous. 7. what was your life like last year? Worst yr of my life by far. An abusive relationship and a psych med prescription I was coerced into left me suicidal, blank, and eventually cussing at doctors in a psych ward. I lost the best job I've ever had as well as my writing skills and confidence. I lost my social due to the abusive relationship. Currently trying to recover. 8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? probably as a kid. I've cried from frustration before. 9. who did you last see in person? Andrew and Miles. A cousin and a dude I want to be better friends with. 10. are you good at hiding your feelings? People have asked me why I’m so depressed when I felt fantastic. I had to train myself to smile when I feel happy because I realized you were supposed to do that. So. Yes. 11. are you listening to music right now? No but I just left a house show. 12. what is something you want right now? Sleep 13. how do you feel right now? Hungry, empty, nervous, serious 14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? there are at least seven sexes. And tonight. 15. personality description. This type of self-awareness seems impossible. Ppl have told me I’m odd and hard to pin down. 16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? A lot, yeah 17. opinion on insecurities. most have them, don’t judge people because insecurities are there for complex reasons and people are trying their best. Support people, compliment them. I can't believe how many ppl just assume a person isn't shit just because the person is struggling with confidence. Be compassionate, asshole. 18. do you miss how things were a year ago? A year ago was literal hell. I was having full-on panic attacks several times a day, dealing with a partner who called me a piece of shit and constantly gaslighted me and crossed my physical boundaries, and suddenly feeling like a completely/permanently different and much less intelligent/capable person. So. No. 19. have you ever been to New York? about 40 times. My maternal side of the family is there. Grew up on LI beaches and going to Broadway shows and museums in NYC. As a kid I thought that was where I was meant to have grown up, like something fucked up happened and it messed up my life's beggining. 20. what is your favourite song at the moment? something by Russ 21. age and birthday? aquarius leo leo 22. description of crush. Thomas Middleditch is such a dreamboat to me but I know it's an unhealthy projection thing. The only real person I have any tiny crush on is this gymnast in my philosophy class. He's very cute. 23. fear(s). Not getting my self back, not being in a loving, paramount relationship again. 24. height. Not tall enough 25. role model. UCB celebrities 26. idol(s). Laura Kightlinger 27. things i hate. doctors, the education system, when ppl are not inclusive, long nails, when ppl blast headphones and watch videos in public w/o headphones. Fuuuuck you 28. i’ll love you if… you're bizarrely funny, have a certain demeanor, seem to understand struggle 29. favourite film(s). natural born killers, the original hairspray. Junebug was nice, Get Out was brilliant 30. favourite tv show(s). Broad City, Silicon Valley, Insecure, Key and Peele 31. 5 random facts about you. I was raised Jewish, babies are generally not cute, growing up ppl asked if I was anorexic when I wasn't, I once spent an afternoon in a Tel Aviv emergency room, hitchhiking was the most liberating experience. 32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? both/other 33. something you want to learn. How to fight physically, how to stop coming across as someone who deserves to be fucked with 34. most embarrassing moment. One time I went to an independently owned hardware store to speak to the manager about a job and buy a wooden rod. The guy was such a fucking asshole and misogynist that when our conversation concluded, I walked out of the store accidentally ‘stealing’ the rod. The fucker ran after me. It was embarrassing mostly because he made me so goddamn uncomfortable about simply asking for a job. I hate that fucking guy. 35. favourite subject. Philosophy, language 36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? Be interviewed on a talk show, write a memoir, travel everywhere 37. favourite actor/actress. No clue 38. favourite comedian(s) Morgan Murphy, Louis CK, Jon Mulaney, and Maria Bamford. Sommore kills me sometimes. 39. favourite sport(s) um. Slolom. Idk. 40. favourite memory. Laughing rly hard as a kid all the time 41. relationship status. As single as possible 42. favourite book(s). Bluets by Maggie Nelson 43. favourite song ever. Maybe something by the blood brothers 44. age you get mistaken for 25? Idk 45. how you found out about your idol. Watching a library DVD of 90s comedians. Mary Jo Peele was so good. 46. what my last text message says. I'd be happy to meet w u tho 47. turn ons. Genuine kindness, good humor, good shoes 48. turn offs. Arrogance, bad breath, hipsterness 49. where i want to be right now. Asleep on a cloud 50. favourite picture of your idol. I've barely ever seen her 51. starsign 52. something i’m talented at. I have a good eye for style. I could have been great at art. 53. 5 things that make me happy. Color, dogs, remembering, a good melody, a good dance 54. something that’s worrying me at the moment. Just life. I'm worried about myself for real 55. tumblr friends. i don’t rly have online relationships 56. favourite food(s) guacamole 57. favourite animal(s) dogs, opossums. 58. description of my best friend. We had an overdue falling out. She is mean. 59. why i joined tumblr. to document inspiration

[aliwept]

well.... u dont Have to change it but.... u kno! be aware of exactly what u’re saying. i realized how... demandin i seemed lmao so that was gross n im sorry ! but not to distract from my point:

while it can be used for a different definition (as shown in the article!!!) like..... that black people being associated with something commonly seen as ‘creepy,’ ‘scary,’ etc is... yeah.

n while u dont have to change it as long as u kno the history of it like.... kno what it means. i meant to educate rather than be...... super forceful or anythin! but.. be aware that it can make people uncomfortable.

hence, the article amfkdkf it’s not just a ‘tumblr sjw thing uwuwuwuwu’ it’s.... an actual recognized thing that unfortunately didn’t get much traction.. probably Because it seems like such a common word.. which is why im tryna educate abt it ??

like it’s still used as a slur ! ive heard it used at me but.... didnt kno what it was lmao.

ik i have a habit of sounding rly demanding n.... ths not what i’m tryna get across here sorry im... ! bad at this shit alfoskfkd like.... im having trouble between ‘this is important!!!! n in order to educate n kno the weight of words y’all gotta pay attention’ and ‘it’s ok to use as long as u kno.... the weight of ur words n exactly where that comes from! like.. if u’re usin it to say ur black muse is spooky that’s bad taste but usin it in general is fine??

n u kno how like.... there was a revalation when like.. ppl discovered how other ppl were usin ‘code’ to be ugly??? like.. this is v similar. u might wanna kno that it Can be used like that so u can tell when other ppl r ugly lmao

like.. it’s important to know slurs even if they seem outdated (or even if they are)....,

at the same time im not.. the most educated person abt this, i’ve talked to some ppl abt this privately but.. im not the End All! just..... idk i dont mean to say u’re invalid for using it or shit just.. be aware of the context that it comes from!

spook is a slur! i forgot to link this in my post so…. yea. if u’re using it in your url n you’re nonblack…. change it ! lmao

[alisaint]

so you're going to call perrie a racist yet say long live zigi after what a fucking piece of shit Gigi Hadid also is? Not only did she mock asians but she's worn dreads, called Zayn middle eastern, did a whole ass photoshoot in black face and Afros and more recently, what do you have to say about Zayn completely disregarding his Asian fans and why they're upset with Gigi mocking their facial features? Thinking just bc you're dating an Asian you can't be racist towards asians?

pakistan is in what the us considers the greater middle east so even tho pakistan is formally in asia i could understand why she said that considering us geography n mapping is fuckshit

but i just think it’s so …. funny how i was playing twau and sims 4 n then when i log in this is the first thing i see like bye i’ve got whiplash!!!!! went from pumped to anxious lmao but anyway i’m not ignorant to things gigi has done i meant long live zigi bc she’s vocally supportive of him and they seem happy n she doesn’t admit to fetishizing mixed ppl or not loving him. that wasn’t me saying long live bc she’s Perfect n Pure n a commie or a dream girl ?? i thought that would be clear but hey i guess not

anyway while i don’t agree w his comment n am annoyed that as per usual i have to come out n admit to not condoning it i don’t feel it’s my place to talk about how an asian man deals w his race + others mocking it. what racist actions against their group poc condone in their relationships and how they deal with it is their concern. do i wish he could be more educated on social matters n yearn 4 better treatment towards his own race by his partners? yea! but it’s not my place. everyone is on a different journey n not everyone has as much self-respect as some other ppl do. which isn’t to say zayn lacks that - i just consider it respect n love 4 myself to not get or continue to be involved w ppl who would do that to me in this case. some ppl don’t like standing up 2 those close to them n some do.

i rly don’t think it’s anyone but zayn’s place to analyze n decide 4 himself what treatment he wants to put up with towards asians especially since he considers himself asian. that’s tricky territory n i’m not willing to get into it any deeper than that srry but condemning her action n frustration w his response is def valid n justified lol considering what she did was offensive

[freigaeist]

hiii bea! 🌱 2 + 10 + 14

omg arden!!! hi hello hey omg hallo : D!!!!

2 describe in detail the moment where you fell in love with your bias(es)?

ok you said detail i will DO detail [takes a sip of vodka and flinches] i actually went through the individual kim bros tag to find out WHEN it was bc some might know i started as a taehyung stan; he was the first i was drawn to since i thought he was cute and when i heard his voice i thought he was hot and as i got to know them more and comments abt him being 4D/alien and him not rly understanding/liking that i just felt very connected and oddly moved? it made me sentimental smh? i don’t have a problem with my ways of doing things and since i’m surrounded by ppl who love me nobody else has a problem with my ways either but i had hard times accepting that my normal wasn’t everybodies normal and that i’m sometimes too much and not rly.. it’s hard to describe but sometimes i feel like i’m floating 3m above while everybody else is standing with both feet on the ground or talking jibberish to others while it’s crystal clear to myself? i feel connected to him. he’s that kind of person to me, someone i relate to, someone i want to protect like an older sister or i imagine twins care for each other? i fell head over heels and that feeling didn’t change though jin and joon also grew on me. kim taehyung still is the heart, my heart in this triple

for jin, who was the 2nd (yes pat yourself on the broad ass shoulders here mr. kim senior), it was the 12th march when i reblogged a gif of jin tagging it#shit this got me #in bts you may have a steady bias & a 2nd one #but each day there comes another 3 and 4#like one day i’ll point at namjoon being like ‘you’re todays 3’ #and on anther days i’ll be like ‘seokjin be my 2 for 2day ok?’ #bts is just a big bias  anD I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HOW ACCURATE THIS WAS!!!! on the 20th of june 2016 i used his sidetag for the first time and 3 days later i told yoongi (who was my 2nd bias back then) to “watch out” bc jin was growing on me. i remember getting more into bts and being like ?? when i realized that jin was one of the “less popular” members and not understanding? it wasn’t even about his looks but i found him to be super funny and endearing, i thought his suave comments and cutting the atmosphere was hilarious and i was always finger guns towards him and pointing at my dirty computer screen where jin said or did smth relatable (isn’t he always relatable be honest) and saying “me” and he just grew on me not like a disease or a shroom but more like how flowers break through the cracks in asphalt blooming and blossoming even when there’s barely any sunlight or rain just breaking through and being there anyways like “fuck you i grow here now!” jin was like that. he said “excuse me is that seat taken? no? what do you me a throne is for one person only no i think- taehyung move- yes see? now you’ve two biases!” and. he just was there. i love him so very much never underestimate me being a huge loser for this huge loser i love him more than my weak, poor, cold assy existence

FOR NAMJOON. EHEM. WELL. it was the typical route of he cute > no he ain’t i hate him who’s lim nimjeon?? > sHIT SHIT FUCK FISH HSHIS THIT MAYDAY MAYDAY WE’RE CRASHING I REPEAT WE’RE FUCK WE’RE FUCKED > happily(?) biased 

it started with me commenting stuff like #i blame my flatmate but he kinda grows on me #doesn’t help that he has a good choice in everything and is educating himself abt homans PLUS likes tae very much and honestly i still blame @grumpytth bc she can actually see the future. it may just be odd shapes and shadows but she KNOWS &she just had to say smth like “u would say that” whilst we would watch bts vids and joon suddenly turns into the pope or the philosophy prof and i couldn’t even say NOO bc she was right?? also whenever we would go out shopping i’d just LOOK at smth or TOUCH it and she’d give me That Look and mutter “that’s so namjoon” under her breath. sometimes i’d start a random convo and her brows would disappear under her hairline and the only answer i’d get was “idk why don’t you ask joon” aND I SGUADKJHDUIGAHSD FUCK SHE KNEW AND DAMN SHE RIGHT i have nothing to say or add, it was fate. meant to be. this loser owns my soul with all his soft, warm, big heart, sharp, witty and open mind, his child-like curiosity and movements, his fire spitting rapping and his soft, raspy, unsure singing and honestly i’m just his. this loser owns me ughhh 

10 when did you realise that you’re in too deep?

isn’t when you dream abt them? i had this one dream where sope were my older brothers and i forgot their bday (which was on the same day for some reason) and i just crashed into my flat (in which miraculously my wHOLE FAM LIVED like my two actual younger siblings, mom and stepfather AND flatmate) and i run into their room and jumped onto their matress that was lying on the floor and apologised non-stop for forgetting their birthdays….. yoongi was super grumpy and just kicked me and hobi made really loud groaning noises and said he’d never forgive me. it’s because i abandoned yoongi and can’t admit hobi is my bias wrecker sadhuashsa

also i think whenever you’re reaaally into something they become the “home” of your thoughts so whenever my thoughts would trail off it’d always come back to “but what would bts do/imagine this scenario with bts” randomly, it’s embarrassing but it’s true :^/ so that’s how that happened……….

14 top 5 ‘you’re lame but i love you anyways’ moments

the whole ahl ok no 1 taes cypher cover &this little ppap I LOVE HIM AND SUPPORT HIM AND HES ADORABLE!!!! it may seem lame to people and I acknowledge that but I don’t find it embarrassing there’s just pure love in me for that child 🙈💓2 that one time rapmon said smth along the lines “and I look like a pornstar” I cANNOT AND WILL NOT REMEMBER 3 when hobi danced to ice cream cake and had his beanie covering his face and his whole lower body was doing smth utterly inappropriate….4 this is harder than I thought I’m good with 2nd hand embarrassment I bliev……. I just don’t like those pranks things…. 5 this shall be it they’re too relatable and I love them too much to actually feel ashamed or be even slightly embarrassed. it has come to that point /crosses self Thank you so much for asking!!! Sorry it took a while 🙏😸have a good one Arden 🌺💕

[1eeminho]

I’m an idiot but never intentionally or maliciously so. You did educate me today and inspired me to stop being a idiot and to do more reading and research on the topic. I’m sorry you had to read my dumb words, but I guess my confusion stems from not having any lgbt friends so I’m not always privy to these debates. Thank you for taking the time to respond and if I meet anyone making the same mistake I did in the future, I’ll correct them. We’re all bi and I don’t want to hurt my community. Sorry

hi omg I just saw that u sent another ask!! anon pls its fine now okay we aren't born with perfect knowledge abt everything so its rly good of u that u did ur research n understood what I meant n that u didn't just idk ignore everything I said??? yea so! keep educating urselt abt things and talk to people on here abt these things bc I understand how difficult it is to find other lgbtq ppl to talk to!

[diannaagrcns]

@pocmuzings omg lol no the Job Offer friend’s bf is.......... I like him. he’s rly sweet and a good bf and like i know their relationship is stable enough that she’s not gonna stumble onto any Nasty Surprises if she goes there or anything n im sure he’ll be encouraging her to do what she wants & to think abt her career as well, but im just... full-time teaching positions can be hard to come by n she’s MEANT TO BE A TEACHER like that’s her Thing she’s wanted it forever and she has so many connections in the SA education system bc her dad’s a teacher, her brother, we’re friends n my mum’s a kindy director n she LOVES my friend so she’s always got an eye out for things that might b suitable, plus years of prac teaching for uni + her out of school hours care positions she’s had over the last 5 years working closely w/ school staff like................................... she JUST finished her degree n rly wants to be in a classroom w/ a steady job and she COULD HAVE THAT like it’s RIGHT THERE WAITING n a lot of other ppl who graduated with her will just be looking at substitute and single term & part-time positions.......... i just. it’s less “following a boy is dumb” and more “you’re gonna drop everything here n start over in Canberra for A YEAR and then............ drop all that and come back here n basically start over again??” idk im just. hm. i don’t Get It.

it’s my other friend’s (she studied psych but is....not even trying to look for employment in that field) bf i don’t like. he’s just.... him & all but ONE of his friends annoy me. they’re loud n obnoxious n think they’re funny when they’re rly being rude and they like move in a HUGE group all the time?? he and his family & friends are all living and working here so no canberra connections there

[softpeachmlm]

pride month questionnaire

original post cred to @melamemea : 

the following questions are meant to make people familiar with the various shades of love, attraction and identity, feel free to add your own. happy pride 🌈

 •what is your sexuality?

i'm pansexual/ queer

•what do gender do you identify as?

i'm a transgender man 

•how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender?

sexuality, i realized i was queer since before i could remember, but learned and identified as pansexual around the age of 14// gender, i knew i wasn’t cis when puberty started, but started identifying as a trans man around 16 yrs old

•do you have any preferences?

just not white men bc of repeated trauma

•share a positive memory about coming out!

i told my best friend my new name and pronouns and he’s never messed them up and he’s super supportive

•how do you feel about pride month?

it should be all year

•do you participate in pride related events? any other events?

i do! i also walk in National Coming Out day, Day of Silence, Trans Awareness week, and basically anything lgbtq

•how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media?

there’s not enough, and the little representation that we do have is really limited. usually either a flamboyant white cis gay man, a dead black lesbian, or a murdered black trans woman sex worker

•do you feel pride in who you are?

heck yes!!

•who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery?

my best buddies

•tell us about your first crush?

he was rly cute and my best friend at the time and he was really goofy but kinda immature

•what sort of advice to have for lgbtq teens? 

it’s okay to prioritize your safety. you’re not lying to anyone if you need to be closeted. but if you can safely be out, you will have support, and things will genuinely improve over time

•have you come out to friends and family?

yes

•how do you feel about the term “coming out” ? 

i can't think of a better way to say it

•do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of? 

in our society, yes. 100%

•any tips on coming out? 

make sure it's safe to first. be patient about support. make sure you're confident in your identity before you tell someone else

•what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media? 

exaggerated stereotypes

•what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media? 

not really anything other than the fact that its lgbtq

•what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? 

they called it a 'political stance' and said it would be okay to form an anti-lgbtq club. shitty, right?

•do you practice safe sex with the same gender? 

i will when i have sex

•what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender? 

disrespect for others

•what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender? 

love/support and humor

•how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites? 

i think they're cool to find other queer ppl and feel less alone

•how do you feel about the term “queer” ? 

i identify as queer and i find it to be an easier and more inclusive way of referring to lgbtq ppl

•how does your country view the lgbtq community? 

we're not illegal anymore but we're restricted heavily

•favorite lgbtq actor/actress? 

i don't really like celebrities? but maybe troye sivan

•any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news? 

get educated and listen to lgbtq people 

•what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten? 

tie between "so when are you getting a dick" and "isn't this just because you stopped taking your anti depressants?"

•how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender? 

i'm usually really open to answer questions as long as theyre asked with respect