#it’s not pink diamond I’m talking about it’s steven’s trauma

[chill4234]

Man I love Omori and Steven Universe, on tge first watch/playthrough it’s all fun and games but on the second time around you see that foreshadowing is everywhere and it feels like being stabbed. No other piece of media does it like them.

[steven-pluraverse]

Hello! I’m Steven! I use he/they/star/she, and I’m a fictive in a DID system ( @thecreepycrawlersss ).

This blog is not RP and I’m not fictionkin but roleplayers and fictionkin and are allowed to interact (This does not mean i’m okay with anyone trying to roleplay). Source mates and doubles are also allowed to interact but I’d prefer if the diamonds, Rose Quartz / pink diamond, and Jasper didn’t interact!

I’ll mainly be posting about being a fictive, plurality, and learning the guitar, along with just what’s going on in my life and stuff like that.

I HAVE EXOMEMORIES, and that means I ALSO HAVE EXOTRAUMA, so please keep that in mind when interacting! Please ask before any source talk that references my trauma.

my dni is zionists, anti endos / sysmeds, anti good faith id, and bigots.

I’ll probably be adding onto this intro more soon, so stay tuned for that!!

[cookieblobber]

The Defense of Steven Universe’s (OG Show) Ending

(This is basically a post where I put everything I said in a large Twitter thread so it’s more easily readable, with maybe a few changes and additions.

Spoilers BTW)

So I’ve been drawing a lot of stuff lately and in doing so, I’ve been rewatching a lot of old shows I used to watch and finishing whatever I missed out on. Steven Universe was an interesting one, as I recall having some form of obsession with it as a kid on Google+, however I barely remembered watching a lot of it or if I even watched it on TV or on websites like Kisscartoon. And after doing so,

I barely see the hate for it that it’s gotten for years.

It has its flaws, and issues that have plagued the show outside of what’s within it, but it’s no doubt memorable with a great cast of characters and very unique and fascinating lore and story telling. Now, I don’t wanna really get into a whole deep dive review on the whole show, as even though I’ve made a couple of essays lately (mainly on Sonic the Hedgehog), I don’t think I’m that experienced to go over an entire 5 seasons explaining each and every episode’s strengths and weaknesses and allat (though maybe I might discuss the amazing character development of each crystal gem in the future, who knows?), rather I want to discuss something that is partially why I started watching this show again: The Ending - Change Your Mind (S5E29).

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Now, the ending is understandably mixed, I understand the critiques of it being weird and anticlimactic and all and how it doesn’t feel like the diamonds’ actions on gem history was fully acknowledged and been punished for it. I completely get the criticism here and I don’t want to drive away people from making actual critiques on the show and where it could’ve improved upon.

What I mainly want to focus on is the notion that the ending can be summed up to, “Steven forgave Gem Hitler”

That is very incorrect.

See, the whole reason why White Diamond (the “Gem Hitler”) was involved with the story was because after Steven was able to prove to Blue and Yellow Diamond that he’s Pink Diamond, he takes the opportunity to use their stronger powers to restore one of the corrupted gems (Centipede). This works…for a moment, as they’re only restored once all 3 put their healing powers to use, but upon letting go of the gem, they reform back into their corrupted version. With Steven technically being part of the Diamond Authroity, he thinks maybe he can take advantage of his position to be able to speak to White Diamond, the highest gem in the patriarchy, and convince her to come to Earth to help the corrupted gems.

Throughout these last episodes, it’s clear this is all for a demand to help gems that were stuck on Earth. While Steven wanted to just try and talk to White, and convinced Blue and Yellow to express how they feel about how White has handled their civilization, there’s never a point where he’s all like “look inside your heart, please you have so much good in you I can feel it” or whatever. Considering how he had to fuse with the Crystal Gems and team up with others who showed up to be able to fight her mech and barely reach to the top of it to meet her, this whole plan wasn’t really as pacifist as many have made it out to be.

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Sorry to stray off a little but, funny thing is, as much as people make fun of Steven Universe for being a show where characters just talk their feelings out and suddenly everything is good, they acknowledge in one of the episodes that not every gem has this deep trauma or pain they try to hold in.

In the episode, “Stuck Together” he and Lars get caught by Aquamarine and Topaz, they both open up to each other about how no matter what happens, they got each other. This leads Topaz who throughout her introduction has been mute and serious and who has them held hostage, to start crying and vent about how much emotional pain she’s been holding in so much because it’s her job. When Aquamarine finds out she’s trying to help them escape, they desperately start trying to convince her that she’s allowed to open up about whatever she feels, that they’re here to listen and talk.

This is was her reaction.

And I have yet to watch Future right now, but from what I’m reading, even after a lot has changed since the original show and tons of gems live peacefully with Beach City, she shows up again to get her revenge.

At no point is she ever redeemed in any way.

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Anyways, the only reason why Steven was able to convince White to do something to corrupted gems on Earth was because he bested her and she couldn’t do anything about it.

Her whole ordeal was how she wants to have this flawless world where nothing goes out of line, even if it means having to mind control them so they act just like her. She views herself as being the perfect gem of all time who knows what’s best for everyone. However, due to how she’s acted with Steven, being an adult gem constantly picking on a literal child because she refuses to accept he’s not Pink Diamond or is part human; how it’s all just a disguise and Pink Diamond is just lying to herself, she’s embarrassed and realizes she indeed does have a flaw. She’s shaken up with guilt over how petty and childish she’s been acting, being exactly what she’s been criticizing Pink Diamond, to the point where she questions who she is. If she’s not this flawless perfect gem who knows what’s best, then what is she? What should she be since throughout her whole life she’s been obsessed with perfection? She can’t be leader of a whole gem civilization trying to make everyone flawless if she herself is flawed. What further solidified it was how she was unable to control Pink Steven no matter how much she tried, and once she started blushing and feeling embarrassed, she lost control on the other gems she had brainwashed. Blue and Yellow even react in disgust/fear seeing her become “off-color” due to her blush, basically for a moment them losing respect for her.

Steven goes up to her and tries to tell her to just, let people be who they are, without trying to “fix” them, and maybe she can be whoever she wants to be. White is still in distraught, wanting to be someone who knows better, be better, and wanting to make everything better, which Steven offers her a way to do so (which is coming to Earth to help the corrupted gems), but first needing to leave your own head - literally and figuratively.

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At no point throughout the ending is White crying about trauma or begging for forgiveness to Steven and having him go “it’s ok we all make mistakes 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰”, all that happens is Steven sees her essentially having an identity crisis now that she cracked and realized she isn’t as perfect as she thought she was, and being the good natured kid he is, offers to show her how she can be a better person, taking the opportunity to make her do what he set out to demand from her. To say they should’ve shattered her would’ve defeated the whole point as to why Steven even went back to Homeworld to begin with, cuz he needed White’s help. Plus, still haven’t watched Future but,

There is a scene where Steven actually attempts to SHATTER White Diamond upon taking control of her body for everything she has done to him, he CLEARLY doesn’t find her to be in the clear of everything she’s done.

TL;DR They can’t just shatter her cuz she’s the big bad villain, the whole point of the final episodes was Steven needing her in order to restore all the corrupted gems they’ve saved throughout the show. No matter what it took, he was going to find a way to do it. While I do agree that there could’ve been better acknowledgment on everything that she’s done to Homeworld and all, same goes for Blue and Yellow, as they’re immediately relegated to out of touch aunts, to make the massive stretch that this is supposed to be Steven forgiving Hitler or proof that Rebecca Sugar (a Jewish person) is a Nazi apologist…come on bro.

EDIT: I really recommend btw watching this video I recently just viewed discussing the show’s ending and really diving in about the topic of Steven’s identity and White’s identity. It’s informative summarizing a lot of what’s been hinted at and led up to the final episode and goes over stuff I could never even attempt to bring to light with how amateurish I am at this sorta junk 💀

And even if with everything being said, you still believe in the notion that “Steven forgave Gen Hitler” or whatever, I’m about to bring up an argument so earth shattering that it will make you re-evaluate everything you know about the show. So, here it goes:

IT’S A FUCKING PG CARTOON SHOW

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Listen, I know it’s very cliche to use the, “it’s a kids show it’s not that deep!!” argument or whatever idiots say to avoid people from discussing further about their favorite things, especially in an era where many are pushing the “Animation is Cinema” phrase and proving its not just kiddie shit only babies like, but what I mean is

At what point is it crossing the line when making comparisons from a thing in fiction to something in real life?

What makes a great story is how it’s able to draw connections to realistic issues or problems many face with unique metaphors and analogies and all of that, Steven Universe is no different. However, at what point are the metaphors or references to real life supposed to stop? At what point does it become stretching really hard? I can understand how people have had ideas that “fusion is a metaphor for sex” or whatever to some degree.

But going as far as to compare this obviously over the top dictator to the world’s worst man to have ever lived on planet earth who is responsible for the death of millions just because he so happens to also be a dictator, doesn’t that seem so…psychotic to even try to relate when it’s obvious that was never the intention? I mean look at this whole world of the show, it’s a futuristic jewelry space civilization filled with advanced technology and bright colors, how do you look at all of this and first thing that comes to mind is Nazi Germany? How do you look at a giant voluptuous white woman who’s existed for millenniums and think “yea that’s Hitler right there”, all because she’s simply a textbook definition of a dictator?

Trying to make her whole country this flawless world where no one goes out of line and disallows any form of diversity? Like any typical villain? Is that really all it takes to be considered as “animated Hitler”?

Does that mean the abandoned flawed gems in the abandoned Kindergarten that Steven and Lars met at the very bottom of Homeworld are supposed to be a reference to Anne Frank’s family hiding from nazis? One would say that’s a massive stretch to make and they’d be right, cuz it is…just like what people say about White Diamond.

These kinds of massive stretches and comparisons have been made in the past constantly, and for what? To gang up on a show that just wanted to teach kids the values of showing love and positivity, being there for your friends and families and trying to accept people’s flaws or differences in how they live? To make excuses to be blatantly anti-semetic towards the Jewish person who created this show? All because over shit like the fanbase was infamous at one point for how they treated each other and the show producers or because the ending wasn’t how many wanted it to be or how it debatably pushes the idea of positivity way too much in places where it shouldn’t try to?

At what point do people who criticize this show for it’s apparent farfetched ideologies of being kind to everyone, start sounding farfetched themselves for making these insane leaps in logic to make a blatantly slanderous argument and label on the show? If something like “White Diamond is supposed to be Gem Hitler” is something many easily gave into believing, what kind of fucked up comparisons would people make next about the entirety of Homeworld or gems as a species till these start to sound like psychotic conspiracy theories?

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Steven Universe is no doubt a flawed show, I won’t deny that, will never deny that. As much as I defend the ending and go against how people have slandered the show, I can admit stuff could’ve been done better. However, like I’ve said at the beginning, I fail to see how all the hate the show’s gotten for years has ever been deserved or warrented. It’s clear that even with its flaws in storytelling, pacing, (sometimes animation), there is still so much to love about this show. It’s characters, it’s music, it’s themes, it’s lore, etc. There’s good reason as to why people love and still fondly remember it and consider it to be just as important as the other shows that brought in this renaissance era for Cartoon Network (Gumball, Regular Show, and Adventure Time).

After all, just like what the ending taught people, things aren’t always going to be perfect, and that’s ok. Flaws make things what they are, and unless said flaws actively have negative effects on things, there’s no reason to fight against them so excruciatingly. We may strive hard for perfection and flawlessness, to be considered perfect or for a thing we like to be considered perfect, but at some point, trying to do so much just to achieve said perfection will down the road start to become an issue and affect ourselves and the ones around us, the ones we love.

When you think about it, a lot of what has happened within the fanbase and the critics of the show mimic similar attitude to White Diamond. This want for perfection, for nothing to be going out of line, but all it’s done is damage the show’s reputation to many.

Fans on here long ago harassing an artist for the way they drew one of the characters of the show as she wasn’t in this “perfect” body shape they wanted her in. Or harassing producers of the show for how they’d handle things like (iirc) Lapis and Peridot’s “relationship” because it didn’t match their “perfect” connection between the two, and more.

On the other side, critics like the infamous Lily Orchard blasting the show for not being this “perfectly” told story and going out of her way to make these insane comparisons to have some leverage in this giant attack on the show and what it stands for.

These wild and out of pocket attempts to make everything perfect for the show, and what has it done? It heavily soured how people view the show, making people want to stay away from getting into it as from the POV of the outside looking in, it’s a whole rabbit hole they probably shouldn’t get into…for their sake of their mental health. This mindset to be caught up in selfish outlandish views of what’s deemed as being perfect has only made things worse for everyone on every side of discussion on this show. And while as of lately things seem to be recovering, as more people are giving the show a second chance and realizing how messed up people like Lily Orchard were, still the effects of what happened back in the mid-late 2010s are noticeable in some areas.

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If it gets to a point where we’re fighting a flaw that barely affects anyone, is it really a flaw that is that important or even a flaw at all to begin with? We can strive to be better people and learn from mistakes, but a perfect person who can do no wrong is just impossible.

Flaws are what help make everything feel unique in it’s own right. That’s not to say some flaws can’t be acknowledged and called out, but as for flaws that sum up to “someone/something is different from what I expected”, it seems over the top to go so hard to fight against it, as we’d be fighting against having diversity among each and every one of us.

If every pork-chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs.

[picturejasper20]

My Steven Universe criticisms

Hello, Steven Universe fans/mutuals! Today i’m making a post bringing up some issues i have with Steven Universe series in general that i have noticed while watching the show. Much like any fan any of the show, we all have some things we don’t like about it and think they could have been executed in a better way. A thing that is common to see in any other fandom. Probably some of you may agree with these criticisms or have seen it somewhere else before. Others points may be less common.

I’m going to cover both the original series (Steven Universe) and Steven Universe Future in this post. So you have an overall idea of what you are going to read.

Let’s start:

1) Some episodes from the show would have been better if they were longer/were specials

This is a point i have rarely seen fans and people outside the fandom bring up. There are some episodes from the show that are very lore heavy or important for the characters that would have worked better if they have lasted 13-15 minutes or were half hour specials instead of the typical 11 minutes.

One example i can think of is the episode ¨Now We’re Only Falling Apart¨. The episode itself is pretty good but i think it is something that could have worked better if it was a 22 special instead of only being 11 minutes long. This is supposed to be an episode that explains tons of things that are crucial for the show, such as Pearl and Rose’s backstories, what made Pink decide to ¨become¨ Rose Quartz, what inspired the rebellion, etc.  You would expect for an episode like this to be longer but sadly it was limited in time much like other episodes.

Another example other of this is ¨Alone at the Sea¨. This episode could have worked better if Lapis and Jasper had a longer conversation about their toxic relationship when they were Malachite and thus addressing in more depth in what they both failed at and what they did wrong (even if Jasper didn’t realize it yet by that point). Since it was a very important episode for both characters, i feel like it could have lasted 13-15 minutes to explore their past toxic relationship better instead of making their scene rather rushed and confusing for the audience.

I think that this issue explains general pacing problems and some things not getting a deeper explanation oustide of a quick scene. It is what causes other problems in the show, because most episodes had to be 11 minutes long. With longer episodes, there are things that could have been explored better and given a better conclusion overall.

2) Lapis Lazuli’s character arc is rather messy

I really love Lapis Lazuli as a character and how she overcomes her trauma over the course of the show. She is an interesting morally grey character with multiple sides to her. I like how she isn’t exactly a ¨bad¨ person but she isn’t exactly ¨good¨ neither.

However, i have two issues is how her arc is handled in the series:

Firstly, she doesn’t seem to have an arc built the same way other main/recurrent characters do, as in the sense of ¨mini arcs¨ that explore and evolve an specific character from the show. Peridot has her ¨mini arc¨ in Season 2 with around 8-9 episodes. Amethyst has hers in Season 3 while Jasper is a main antagonist. Garnet has one near the end of Season 5 about how she feels about herself and looking up to Rose Quartz. Lapis, on the other hand, has three episodes at the start of Season 3 ( Same Old World, Barn Mates and Hit the Diamond) but after that she seems to have her own episode every 7-10 episodes. It’s a bit weird how it is paced out in the rest of the series. I think her arc needed to have few more episodes or more screen time for her flaws and issues to get better addressed. For example: There is a comic issue about Lapis being constanly scared of what could happen in the future, which is related to her trauma. She later has a talk with Garnet that helps her with calming down. This is something that could have been an episode for the show.

The second issue that i have with her arc, which ties a bit with the first problem, is how often Lapis Lazuli’s toxic traits were given a ¨pass¨ unlike other characters from the show. It feels like she didn’t always had to face the consequences of her actions and/or weren’t properly brought up, which kinda felt like she was given special treatment by the narrative. I think this in part comes from how Lapis was usually seen from Steven’s perspective and him having a certain bias. Steven buried his feelings when it came to bringing up her flaws and struggled being honest with her. Peridot took Steven’s example, explaning why she struggled with being honest with Lapis Lazuli too, leading to having an unbalanced-rather codependent relationship with her.

This problem seemed to have been fixed a bit in SU Future in ¨Why So Blue?¨,  where Steven is less biased towards Lapis and is better at bringing her issues up. He seems to be more firm to her while being proud of her making an effort to change at the same time. This episode in general is pretty good for Lapis because it gives a more realistic take on her character, in how she can be nice but she has tons of issues she has to work in, she still can lash out to others and lose control.

I believe that SU Future could have had an episode involving Lapis and Jasper having a conversation about their relationship and both talking about went wrong to give a better conclusion to their conflict. While maybe Jasper still didn’t realize how toxic it was, Lapis could have given her thoughts on it looking back at how bad that was and maybe offering Jasper help if she needed something.

Speaking about Jasper...

3) Jasper didn’t get proper exploration to her issues

This is something that many Jasper fans out there have talked about. About how Jasper needed more screen time and how we didn’t get to see her issues explored properly in the show.

Jasper herself is a very interesting character that shares tons of parallels to Steven in both the original series and in Future. In Future they are a foil of each other and their characters arcs are linked together.

Honestly, i do not mind if Jasper wasn’t helped by Steven in SU Future like Peridot and Lapis Lazuli were helped in the original series. Steven by that point was too mentally tired from having to help everyone and wasn’t in the best place mentally to help her. (Forcing her to accept his help,being condescending and over stepping boundaries). Jasper was also too stubborn to get help, thinking it would made her weak and she didn’t deserve it. All this is understandable giving the characters and the context in SU Future. The issue is that we never got to see how Jasper feels about the whole Pink being Rose reveal, the gem that she hated most of her life; how she feels about being from the Beta Kindergarten and her feeling that she is defective deep down; how she feels about her previous relationship with Lapis after the timeskip, etc.

This could have been fixed with having a few more episodes about Jasper. Maybe Fragments being a two part episode or more episodes about Steven training with her. Steven could have spent more days with her and thus growing closer to her and learning about her. This is why is not that rare to see fans writing fanfics or comics that take place after the events of ¨ I Am My Monster ¨ and before "The Future", when Jasper is starting to live on Little Homeworld and getting the help she needs. Because, unlike other recurrent characters, her issues weren’t explored with the same depth, despite her being a complex interesting character.

I would love if in some near future we get an special about her character getting developed better and diving into her psyche. If not, some spin-off comics about her being on Little Homeworld. That would fix this issue i have of her arc feeling ¨incomplete¨.

4) Season 4′s pacing is kind of awkward

I’m not sure how to explain this but there is something about Season 4 (also know previously as Season 3 A) that feels like the first half is awkwardly paced. The episodes of this half aren’t exactly bad, in fact, most of them are good and they follow up certain plot lines and character arcs. The issue to me is that it takes around eleven episodes until the the space adventure arc happens ( From ¨Steven’s Dream¨ to ¨That Will Be All), so, it takes a while for the the elements to come to play. Maybe if the space adventure arc took place a bit earlier, like, episode 6-7, this would be less of an issue and making the season more easy to digest.

It could have also helped if in ¨Gem Harvest¨ Lapis had a bigger role in the episode and she even could have had a conversation with Andy about how it’s hard to let things from your past go. 

Maybe this is more of a personal issue of mine and other people don’t mind about it that much. I just think that this half of Season 4 could have been paced better.

5) Bluebird as episode feels unnecessary

I don’t hate this episode but it feels like it is repeating a lesson that the show teaches in other occasions in a more nuanced way with other characters (People aren’t always going to change their mind or don’t think they need help). The series already did this with Jasper, Eyeball and a bit with Bismuth in Season 3 with Steven failing in helping them in the context and blaming himself later for that. Also, with Aquamarine in ¨Stuck Together¨ and with Kevin’s character.

This episode gives this same lesson that you can find in almost every other animated series delivered in the most cartoonish way possible using the same characters to give the same message again. Instead of wasting time with these characters, we could have had an episode exploring Jasper or Lapis, or being about anything else. This episode feels like most obvious in your face lesson in SU Future.

I can give an episode like ¨A Very Special Episode¨ more of a pass because the lesson is more related to Steven’s arc in Future and how he can be self-destructive when it comes to helping people. In addition to this, we get to see more of Rainbow 2.0 and Sunstone’s personalities that we couldn’t in ¨Change Your Mind¨.

I would be less harsh with ¨Bluebird¨ if the episode have had a proper follow up in which we see Aquamarine and Eyeball prefering to hang out together instead of seeking revenge on Steven. It would have nice to see this as an example of Steven not befriending a gem but they are still able to change for the better.

6) Rose Quartz’s character could have been left in a better position

One issue i have with Rose Quartz’s arc is the opinion the characters have on her the last time we see her being brought up. She is potrayed as terrible and a bad person. Which in part it is true, she wasn’t a good person and hurt people who considered her a close friend.

However, Rose Quartz was also someone who started the Gem rebellion and saved Earth from being hollowed. She protected humanity and gave place to gems that were considered defective in the eyes of Homeworld’s system. She sacrificed her position as Diamond to be able to protect Earth among other things.

The point is that she was someone who was trying to change and battled the toxic upbringing she had with the other Diamonds, who were abusive towards her. In her path into trying to be a better person she made a lot of mistakes and her self hatred made her do self-destructive things like hiding things and keeping secrets from everyone.

I think it would have been more nuanced for the last scene that she is mentioned that she was a gem who wasn’t good but she wasn’t exactly a monster neither. She was as flawed as any other gem and she should be seen as such. She did some good thing and she did some bad things. The episode ¨Volleyball¨ ends up giving more or less this idea about Rose Quartz’s character with both Pink Peark and Pearl having a more completed idea of what kind of gem Rose was, which is pretty good. I think it could have been nice for Steven as character to have this a moment reflecting on this in a later episode, even if he still feels very mixed about Rose. It would have been a better conclusion for her character in the show.

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So, there you have it. Here are some of my main issues with the show. The ones that bother me the most are the first three points (Some episodes should have lasted longer, Lapis’ and specially Jasper’s arc could have been better handled). Note that there are other things like the animation but i think it’s something that has been brought up so many times by others that i would be beating a dead horse. Plus, other animated shows i have seen from CN and Disney TVA don’t have stellar animation neither, they just happen to be better directed or a bit more consistent. (Disney TVA shows have been having better animation lately though).

As for the Diamonds, i think they could have had more episodes in the original show but i do understand that the crew was given 5-6 episodes by the network to wrap up the entire main storyline. Although i wished their arc could have been longer, the writers tried giving them a conclusion the best way they could, with all the pacing issues that comes with it. I care more about Lapis and Jasper’ arcs were handled since they were from the start of the show and were more recurrent characters. That’s all.

[ultraspookystudentgardener]

Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond should have been forgiven in Steven Universe. In this essay I will explain myself.

Firstly, the damage she did to her first Pearl. We never got Pink’s perspective, so it’s a little up in the air whether it was an accident or not.

Abandoning Spinel might have been an accident as well but you’ll have to hear me out. We still don’t have Pink’s perspective so it’s quite possible she PLANNED to go back to her, but by the time she had the chance, it was already too late.

Bismuth’s bubbling is the first one that I want to talk about that I’m sure on. Rose didn’t want to take lives, we know that. Bismuth made a weapon that can only kill anyway and got mad when Rose said “No”. Not telling anyone what happened might have been because Rose was afraid they would attack her too.

Starting the Gem War was to stop the unfair treatment of the gems around her. Faking her death was to get the other diamonds to take the Crystal Gems seriously. She couldn’t have known they would corrupt every gem that was on Earth a few seconds too long.

And she had no way of knowing that her son would carry her traumas and war on his shoulders.

The other three diamonds were given no good reason for their actions and I refuse to call “control” a good reason. Why were they forgiven and not Pink?

[aftout]

Sorry for SU posting on main I’m aware that it’s, like, a show and a half when it comes to thinking critically about media but with its recent resurgence on certain platforms I’ve been pondering like a bitch over one topic specifically and it’s just??

I love, love Rose Quartz���s character. It’s a hot take I know but I truly love what the series did with her, as rushed as it was at times. Rose is so important to me because she is what Steven Universe is all about: growth, forgiveness, and change.

There’s the obvious: she went from presenting herself as a diamond to presenting herself as a quartz. She changed her name. She moved from homeworld to Earth. She went from surrounding herself with the other diamonds and their colonies to surrounding herself with humans and the crystal gems. But even outside of all the things that are presented to you surface level, her entire existence and personality revolves around changing.

The earliest stage of her that we see in the show is, iirc, the dream sequence where Stevonnie is in her position (on that abandoned command center) with Connie’s mom replicating Yellow Diamond. Rose was, at that point, a literal child. Though not in consecutive order, we see how Rose goes from a spoiled, overly emotional, and even abused kid to this levelheaded, grown woman. And that is literally what the show is all about. I keep saying this over and over again but she is so integral to SU’s overarching theme. She’s imperfect, both as a gem and also as a person, but like? She persists and moves forward. She’s so human.

Even in context of design, her quartz form looks substantially more humane than most of the other gems do. She mingles with humanity constantly and even goes as far as to give birth to a (mostly) human son. She is messy. The rubble of it all means a lot to me because I feel like SU did a good job at portraying just how ugly trauma can be. We really see this in Future, where Steven has an onscreen meltdown and finally cracks under several seasons’ and a movie’s worth of trials and tribulations. It’s really interesting to me because I feel like, in that story arc, we really see that he is his mother’s son.

I don’t think it’s outlandish to say that SU does touch on themes about generational trauma. Rose has her baggage from her days as a diamond, and clearly though she tried her best to grow and break the cycle, there were a few bumps and bruises that got passed down onto Steven. He then goes on his own journey to heal and break the cycle himself. Hell, both of their stories even end with them leaving Greg and the Crystal Gems behind; and though Steven doesn’t sacrifice himself in the way that Rose did, there is still that feeling of moving on and accepting the next stage of life: whether it be finally allowing oneself to grow up or, well, die.

These themes of growing up are found in the Spinel debacle, as well. Rebecca Sugar themself said that a lot of Spinel’s character was based off of this situation they found themself in where they left a toy rabbit they had in the garden, forgot about it, and then found it again six months later. They described it as “wondering how they could be so careless over something they thought they loved so much.” It’s rough because, unlike Sugar’s stuffed rabbit, Spinel is sentient. But even then, throughout the movie she is described as Pink’s toy. Symbolically she captures what it’s like to grow out of toys you once loved as a child. And then, at the end, she is taken in by the other diamonds to reminisce over who Pink once was; much like how parents may keep old stuffed animals their kids owned as a memory.

Idk. At this point I’m fully rambling (I had better points when I was talking to myself about this and making myself cry), but I just. Yeah. Rose is such a wonderful character to me. Her humanity and imperfection means a lot. I think it’s cool to have such a nuanced character be shown in children’s media, and seeing her development is genuinely fascinating. I think she really shows that beauty isn’t necessarily found in one’s pain, but in the strength they withhold to power through it. Does that make any sense? Idk.

[roseofcards90]

Thank you for the essay reply and I hope you are doing well too. Just out of curiosity have you heard of spinearl ( spinel x pink pearl. I refuse to call her volleyball sorry ) and do you approve of it? This ship was biiig after the movie came out and I’ll admit I was a small part of the crowd 💦 The appeal of two people who never even interacted hurt in different ways by the same person who find each other and help each other heal is just really 🥺😭😖 If you know what I’m saying. And they’re both silly and goofy! They enable each other’s weirdness. I actually wrote a bit of fic about them back then. Anyway I also just really love Spinel. Her, Pink Pearl and Amethyst are my favorite characters. Ok enough of my rambling. What are yooour favorite ships from the show?

Thank you, I am surviving and trying my best! 😭🙏 and oh I haven’t actually! :0 not until now I didn’t know that was a thing fjfjfkfkf but it makes sense omg I can see it! I should look up more content of them, they seem like a really fun dynamic!!! ALSO REAL I LOVE AMETHYST SO MUCH THE GIRLIE!!! Her development is great throughout the series, I especially love the role she plays in Future with being the voice of reason and helping Steven realize some stuff

Also omggg my favorite ships!!! I have quite a few, I’ll list them down below and talk about them:

Pearlnet - this one is my absolute fave tbh like I didn’t think I would be a huge fan of it, but I enjoyed their dynamic so much in the show!!! Like that whole mini arc with Sardonyx and the conflict between them??? Still one of my favorite parts in the whole series. Idk I just really like how they’re the two who have been there since the beginning. They’ve stuck together throughout the gem war and share similar trauma, and just seeing them have so much respect for the other is just aughhh it’s so good!!! I got so happy when they hugged after seeing the corrupted gems get uncorrupted in the finale, that was so sweet 🥺

Pearlrose - I don’t think I have to explain this one much lmao, it’s just peak yuri I love it. The one thing I will way is that I hate how people misinterpret this ship so much, like I wish people had a brain cell when it came to understanding that their relationship was far from one-sided and “manipulative” :/ like Pearl was the whole goddamn reason Rose became the person she was. They showed each other freedom from beyond their gem roles, and that just feels so impactful to me like, their whole relationship makes up a huge part of the core of Steven Universe imo so idk, I just wish people understood it better

Rupphire - MY GIRLIES I LOVE THEM AAAAAAAAAAA I COULDNT STOP SCREAMING WHEN THE WEDDING EPISODE WAS HAPPENING FR I WAS SO HAPPY LIKE THEYRE JUST SO IN LOVE IR MAKES ME AUGHHHH

Lapidot - THEIR DYNAMIC IS GREAT they are like an old married couple, and just seeing them live together and stuff and finding a home in the barn with their pumpkin dog was adorable 😭🥺❤️ I love how they grow closer and they actually care about each other a lot. Also that part in Distant Shore where Peridot is the one to walk through her first??? The line where she doesn’t understand how Peridot can be so bold and switch sides so easily and not be afraid of the Diamonds anymore??? AUGHHH THAT PART HURT ME SO MUCH 😭 it’s clear that they do admire each other for what they themselves don’t have, and that’s so interesting to me. On the surface, they seem so different, but they actually do complement each other very well surprisingly! And I like that a lot

[gayluigi]

I know this is an old post, but DAMN, this is poignant. I couldn’t have put this into words better myself.

In a way, I’m kind of disappointed she didn’t come back when White removed Steven’s gem. If she had come back, even for a brief moment, perhaps she could’ve set a lot of things right. But no, she’s gone, she has no way to fix her wrongs. Everyone knows she was trying to do the right thing, but they don’t CARE.

It’s a lot easier to pin all of the blame on someone who’s not there to defend themself. White, Yellow, and Blue are all there to work towards fixing the harm they’ve done. Pink CAN’T. I have no doubt in my mind that she would’ve WANTED to set things right if she were still alive. From the early scenes we had with Rose, we can tell that she’s a kind, loving, gentle person, far from her past behavior as a Diamond. But we see her redemption arc in reverse, so all we see is her getting worse and worse while everyone else is getting better.

I’m also disappointed that Steven never went back to his room to talk with Rose/Pink. My personal thought on that is that Rose/Pink’s essence still lives inside of Steven enough that his conversation with him in the room was real. It’s the closest you can get to an afterlife for a gem. After all, her memories are still there, buried beneath the surface, which we see through Steven’s flashbacks. There’s enough of her left to make the conversation real, at least real enough. Rose could’ve explained herself. Could’ve held Steven, told him how proud she was of him, told him he didn’t have to shoulder her burdens anymore… but instead, we got corrupted Steven, and he’s never seen speaking with Rose again.

It’s disappointing, to say the least, the way this was all handled. Rose worked damn hard to break the generational trauma the Diamonds caused her, to try and prevent it from affecting Steven. She didn’t KNOW about the Cluster, as far as I’m aware. And if that hadn’t been a factor, I don’t think Steven probably would’ve EVER encountered the Diamonds. After all, Spinel called Earth a “nowhere planet”, implying there’s really not much reason to go there if you’re a Homeworld gem pre-reconciliation.

Rose tried so hard to ensure that Steven would never have to shoulder her burdens, even if it ended up failing in the end. She’s not the monster everyone sees her as. She put in a valiant effort to fix what the Diamonds had broken. But, as we see in the series, one person’s effort isn’t always enough. That doesn’t make her a bad person, though— it just means that she died before everything could be resolved. And she had no reason to think it WASN’T resolved! The Diamonds hadn’t been heard from in MILENNIA!! How could she have known they’d come back? She wasn’t a sapphire, and even OUR Sapphire didn’t see what was coming!! It was totally out of left field!!

Rose wasn’t an awful person. She tried her damn hardest. She improved herself. She tried to improve the world she was living in. She loved deeply, her heart was pure. She just made a few mistakes along the way.

This isn’t a new take or one anyone wanted but I’m kinda disappointed at how the Crewniverse handled Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond.

Before anyone says anything, I get that Steven his entitled to very mixed/negative feelings on Rose Quartz and that he is not obligated or required to have more positive ones. My issue isn’t with the characters IC, but I do have an issue with the crew and the way the story dealt with it.

Because in the show, EVERYONE has an opportunity to change and make good. Everyone grows. Everyone, no matter what horrible shit they did, will ultimately have the opportunity to be if not good, than at least sympathetic. Peridot, Lapis, Jasper, Spinel, THE FREAKING DIAMONDS. The storyline ultimately treats them as flawed but worthy of redemption, which is FINE. I love a positive, optimistic story with stuff like that.

But it makes Rose Quartz’s position all the more blatant. 

Let me say that Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond did some terrible things. She broke Pink Pearl, abandoned Spinel, lied to her friends and family, bubbled Bismuth… She also worked hard and tirelessly to protect Earth, pleaded with the other Diamonds to spare it and only decided to go a more violent route when that failed. She worked hard and tirelessly for other gems too; Pearl acknowledges this. She took in Amethyst, encouraged humans and gems to be bigger, greater than they were, to keep going even when things looked dark or hopeless. 

She fell in love. She and Greg loved each other for who they were, recognized each other’s pain and respected it. She had a child with him, sacrificed herself to bring that child into being, and it wasn’t so that she could palm off the consequences of her actions to him. She wanted him to live and grow and be happy and healthy and human. I have no doubt that she would have WANTED him to go to school, to go to the doctor, to hang out with other kids. 

Rose Quartz made a lot of mistakes. She did terrible things, some knowingly and others unknowingly. She underestimated her own central position in people’s lives, the effect her passing would have on them. She underestimated her own worth. She was, I think, very aware of her faults and flaws and the things she’d done. But there are things you can’t take back. Things you break that you can’t fix. Sometimes, even when you do your best it’s still wrong. Still no quite the right thing. And all you can do is keep going.

Rose Quartz changed. She grew. 

I just think it’s pretty shitty that the Crewniverse sits around calling HER a terrible person but are perfectly fine with her abusers hugging it out with her kid.

[lotusthewriter]

Somebody who deserved it

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: G

Relationships: Lars & Steven, Steven & Everyone

Characters: Lars Barriga, Steven Quartz Universe; MINOR/CAMEOS - Connie Maheswaran, the Crystal Gems, the Diamonds, Spinel, Greg Universe

Summary: In which Lars is present when Steven turns into a monster.

Word count: 2.673

AO3 / Fanfiction

A/N: What I wanted from SUF, but they failed me, so I wrote this to cope.

Most of this is basically a novelization of I Am My Monster but in Lars’ POV, so I hope it’s not boring.

--

Beach City has seen its fair share of disasters, mostly thanks to gem stuff. There have been at least three alien invasions, one worse than the other, but thankfully no one ever got hurt. The citizens at this point know what to do in dire times.

So, it shouldn’t be a surprise when a thud shakes the ground violently, scaring Lars out of his almost nap at Spacetries. He and Blue Lace look at each other, only for another one, worse than the previous, to shake everything again. That’s when they rush outside, like everyone else in town, until…

There’s a giant pink monster at the beach, and it roars. Others have already run off, and so Lars and Blue Lace follow them, gathering anyone else who’s paralyzed with fear. In the meantime, Lars has many questions in his head. Why the hell is there a freaking pink kaiju here? Where did it come from? He knows it’s likely gem stuff, because what isn’t, but how did a monster appear out of warning?

They’re already nearing the highway, fearing for the monster to attack the town in giant kaiju movie style, when Lars hears four paws hitting the ground, and a young voice guiding people. He recognizes Connie riding Lion, and so he rushes to her, as she possibly knows what’s happening.

“Connie!”

“Lars! You’ve got to get out of here, it’s too dangerous!”

“What the heck is that thing?!” Lars points at the monster, which still seems to be far away despite her warnings.

“That—” she hesitates, though, and the look on her face becomes tragic. “… That’s Steven.”

Lars’ stomach drops. “What?”

Even from far away, he can see the monster destroying the hill at the beach. Something about its face… the eyes and the nose…

Oh, god, that really is Steven.

The millions of questions in his head only get worse. The last time Lars saw Steven was at the Graduation, after he told him he was still going to think better on his return to space. Steven never came to visit him at Spacetries, only to retrieve some strange cake with “Together Forever” in it when Lars wasn’t even there. Lars was also… kind of unsure whether he should talk to him after he got so upset. He didn’t want to force Steven to do anything he didn’t want to.

And now he sees how this was a mistake.

Steven has become a monster, likely… corrupted. Lars doesn’t know much about corruption, but he sees Blue Lace’s horns, her scars, and he could tell it must’ve been a painful experience. A state where you’re blinded by fear, by confusion, by trauma…

This must be how his friend is feeling right now.

He can’t let this happen again.

“Lars, where are you going?!”

The pink boy ignores Connie as he runs back to the beach with all his might. He realizes that, after becoming pink, his strength has practically become inhuman. Lars concentrates, focuses, then he lets out a yell that transforms in a white portal. He’s practiced it enough with Lion and would use it as a means of delivery, so he arrives at the beach in no time. He already finds the Crystal Gems and Mr. Universe there, while Steven is being kept in the ocean by water chains.

“Lars?” They all said in unison.

“I’m here! Connie told me that’s Steven!” He explains. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“… we don’t know,” Pearl answers. “He won’t listen to us.”

“We need to reach him, somehow, and bring out his humanity,” Garnet speaks up.

Amethyst sighs exasperatedly. “You know who would be great at that?”

Everyone asks, “Who?”

But she only replies, “STEVEN!”

Before they can even come up with anything, something seems to come from above, as well as new voices.

“Yoo-hoo! Steven!”

“Is this a bad time?”

It’s… the giant Diamond ship he saw two years ago, when he arrived back home. What the hell are they doing here now?

“You gotta be kidding me,” Amethyst mutters.

The Elastigirl gem comes out of the ship with one of Steven’s sandals, only to be horrified by the monster far away. Then the rest of the Diamonds come along to question what it is.

“That thing is Steven,” Garnet tells them.

The four gems react badly, of course. They all bring out questions, but no one has any answers.

“Never mind that, we have to change him back.”

“Leave it to me,” Yellow Diamond says, preparing her powers.

Yellow uses… lightning or something at Steven, and it does seem to decrease the size of his head, but he roars, and it doesn’t work.

“He’s resisting. Maybe he needs to feel better first,” Blue speaks up. “I can help with that.”

She throws a cloud at him (Lars really wonders what that’s supposed to do), but it backfires, and it hits Yellow and the pink gem on her shoulder. They both start laughing.

“Wow! Your new power didn’t work, either!” She says while in the middle of strained laughter.

Well, the last one to try is White.

“If I connect with him and he speaks through me, maybe we'll understand what he's going through. Now then.” She’s much closer to him now, and Lars fears for the worst. “Do you hear me, Steven?” Suddenly… disco lights seem to come out of her gem. “Just relax and let me in.”

The monster roars, and White seems to reach out… only for her to fall backwards, though Blue and Yellow catch her before she gets hurt.

“That’s not Steven anymore!” White exclaims, terrified.

If that isn’t bad enough, Steven seems to break free from Lapis’ powers. She tries, except… his horns and his eyes are bright, like he’s charging up, and then he lets out a tremendous roar, which pushes everyone, even the Diamonds, back. The Diamond ship falls to the ground as well. They’re all weak, unable to stand up. Lars can only look up, his vision blurry, sensing Steven approaching… they’re doomed.

… but then…

Something comes out of the sea, something bright. It’s like… a giant arm?

As Lars is back to his senses, he realizes the big arm stops Steven from attacking. With a lot of struggle.

According to Amethyst, that sounds like the “Cluster”. Lars doesn’t have time to ask them what that thing is, because at least it’s helping them not get destroyed.

“Deep inside this… monster,” Pearl speaks, “Steven must be in there, so angry.”

“I knew something was going on, I- why didn’t I do something?!”

He realizes Garnet is gone since the two gems that form her are replacing her. And they’re both crying.

“If we don't get through to him, he'll stay like this forever!” One of them says, hopeless.

In the meantime, Mr. Universe is taking steps back, horrified.

“Dude! You should get outta here before you get hurt!” Amethyst orders him.

“NO!” The man puts his foot down. “Every time Gem stuff happens, I run the other way! This is my son! And he's right to be angry because I didn't protect him!”

“You didn’t protect him from us!” Blue Diamond cries. “He’s like this because of us!”

Yellow also tears up, “We’re the source of Steven’s suffering!”

Then, the elastic gem cries and blows her nose, also blaming herself. And White joins in, telling her that it’s her own fault, not the other’s. But the pink one insists, and they…

They’re really doing this.

They’re really pitying themselves.

These pathetic, thousand-year-old overlords are feeling sorry for themselves when there’s an angry and traumatized monster needing their help right in front of them.

“… Are you SERIOUS?!” Lars blurts out. Everyone looks at him. “What, is this a goddamn sob competition?!”

“But it’s true, I hurt him—” White tries to argue as she cries miserably, but he’s had none of it.

“Uh, yeah, of course you did! But you’re not doing ANYTHING to help! Steven has turned into a monster and yet all you’re doing instead is a freaking pity party!”

“He’s right!” A voice calls out from the distance.

It’s Connie, and she arrives at the beach with Lion.

“Yes, you hurt him, but this isn't the time to make this all about you! That is not helping!”

Ironically, as she makes an entire speech to a hopeless crowd, the cloudy sky seems to clear out, and the sun shines again.

“… We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven! He's always been there for us, so…” she sighs, “How can we be there for him now?!”

It's so moving, that Garnet fuses again. “I know how.”

Right after that, the giant Steven overpowers the Cluster, and he’s rushing all the way back to them.

Garnet yells, “Okay! No time to waste!” She then gives orders to the rest of the group. Everyone is now focused, no longer crying and wallowing down in self-pity.

“It’s time to show Steven… some love.”

Lapis flies towards him and stops him with a giant wave. As he’s distracted, everyone runs to the sea. They all yell out his name, and Garnet, now bigger than everyone, is the first to jump towards Steven to hold him back. She’s… hugging him. Steven struggles, roars, tries to reject it…

“Steven, when I fell apart, you were there for me,” Garnet says calmly. “I want to be there for you now. I’m here, Steven. I’m here.”

And then… Steven stops trying to break free. His face softens.

So, everyone else hugs Steven, in their own ways, in their own sizes. Lars is able not to fall, but if anything, he’s slightly above Garnet.

They all say words of encouragement.

“I'm here, Schtuball! Whatever you need, I'll make it happen! You hear me?!”

“STEVEN! You never gave up on me for some reason I don't understand! I'LL DO THE SAME FOR YOU!”

“I know you feel bad! Believe me, I get it! Sometimes it feels like you're never gonna like yourself but… it’s possible, man!”

“Steven, I know how awful it feels to keep a part of yourself secret! You shouldn't have to hide anything from me!”

Lars starts tearing up, too, remembering how much Steven helped him this whole time. If it weren’t for him, Lars wouldn’t have opened his bakery, he wouldn’t have made friends, or even stand up for others. He wouldn’t be here at all.

“Steven…” he sniffs, and raises his voice, “I know how it feels to be scared… but it’s okay! It’s okay to be afraid! And whether or not I’m just a corner away or light years from here, I’ll be here for you no matter what! Us Off Colors stick together!”

If he’s not hearing things, Steven might even… try saying Lars’ name. That makes the latter hold onto him tighter, and cry against his body.

Somewhere, he hears Lion teleport and Connie yell. It’s probably her turn to speak. Whatever she says, Lars can’t hear since it’s likely just for Steven.

That’s the turning point for Steven.

Lars hears him cry, as giant teardrops fall on the ocean. Nobody says anything else. They just let him.

Suddenly…

Everything goes white.

--

It’s all back to normal rather quickly.

There weren’t any casualties or huge damage to the town this time. Everyone was back home, but of course, with many questions. Lars gets a few, including from Sadie, who was back in town after her tour with Shep had been interrupted, and from the Cool Kids. He doesn’t give many details to them, knowing it’s best to keep the privacy, but he does let them know everything will be cleared out soon.

Lars has closed the shop a little early today, and he’s carrying with him a box of pastries. It ranges from cupcakes to cookies, as well as a chocolate bar to make hot chocolate out of it. He makes his way to the now repaired beach house, greeting the gems and Mr. Universe at the living room. They seem well, though quiet and concerned. At least they’re not desperate anymore.

Amethyst eats some of the things he brought, but Pearl slaps her hand at some point to leave the rest for Steven. Speaking of which, he’s not around them, and Lars asks if he’s upstairs. They seem apprehensive.

“He’s… still resting,” Pearl replies.

“But I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you,” Mr. Universe reassures him. “We’ll be right here if you need, okay?”

Lars smiles, “Okay.”

He looks up, realizing the room upstairs is dark. Lars hasn’t seen Steven since the monster incident, and he’s not entirely sure if he’ll be glad to see him… but Lars exhales and goes for it.

He arrives at the room, almost expecting Steven to be asleep, but the boy is turned right to the entrance, his eyes tired but wide open, curious. Lars smiles at him.

“Hey, buddy,” he whispers. “I brought some stuff for you. Including my brand-new hot chocolate.”

Steven stands so he’s sitting on the bed, and he scoots to give Lars space. The latter places the box of pastries on his bedside table, and so he sits next to the other boy. Steven looks like he’s slept for several days straight.

“How are you doing?” Lars asks him.

“Hmm. Tired.”

“I can tell.”

“The only thing I’ve been up to is sleeping.”

“I don’t blame you. You deserve rest after everything.”

Steven doesn’t seem convinced of that. He looks down, sad.

“A-Are you…” he sniffs, immediately rubbing his eyes like he’s afraid to cry. “Are you still going to space?”

Lars isn’t surprised to hear the question.

“… nah,” the pink boy shrugs. “I think I’ll stick around for some time.”

Steven’s lip starts quivering.

“I-I’m sorry,” he breaks. “I didn’t mean to get in the way—”

“No, no, buddy. You have nothing to apologize for.” Lars puts an arm around him. “I know you were having a hard time.”

“I d-didn’t want you to see me like that.”

He doesn’t specify if it’s the Graduation or him being a monster, but Lars takes it both ways.

“It’s okay, Steven.”

“It’s not.”

Lars sighs. “Okay. It’s not. But I’m not mad at you or anything. You just needed help.”

Steven finally lets out tears, maybe feeling comfortable to be vulnerable now. He falls against Lars and sinks in, while the other has wrapped both arms around him.

“It still hurts so much,” the younger boy sobs. “I wish it didn’t.”

Lars doesn’t say anything, only squeeze him a little.

“I hurt so many people, but… everyone hurt me, too. I’m still angry and tired, and sad, and I wish I weren’t.”

Steven is crying, but it’s silent, only for him to hear. Maybe he doesn’t want to alarm anyone downstairs. Lars gets he needs something quiet, so he stays and doesn’t make a scene.

“I’ve got you, Steven,” he reminds him. “I’ve got you.”

“I… I don’t want to sound selfish, but…” Steven hiccups, “I’m glad you didn’t leave.”

Lars smiles sadly. “Yeah, me too.”

“Really?”

“Really.” The older wipes some of his tears for him. “I’m staying with you, for whatever you need.”

Steven laughs. “Us Off Colors stick together, right?”

Lars wonders if he remembers his words back then, but he decides not to question it.

“Right.”

They stay close for a whole eternity, until Steven’s stomach grumbles, and the boy shyly asks what Lars brought for him. He eats the cookies, with some joy growing subtly in his eyes. Lars offers to make the hot chocolate for him, but at Steven’s request, the gems do it for them instead.

In the end, they’re both drinking hot chocolate, and they turn on the TV to watch a bad episode of Camp Pining Hearts. He didn’t know Steven liked that show… and apparently neither did Steven know Lars did, too. He doesn’t mention all the embarrassing fanfictions he wrote when he was younger, though. Maybe another day.

[permafusion-stevonnie]

 Posting not just the card, but the artwork clear of the frame, because I’m damn proud of how it turned out.

And, turns out, my list of cards to draw just got a little longer. When I got a list of cards online, it was an incomplete list. Now, having looked at a better website I have a whole bunch more to draw. I’m also looking up the meanings behind the actual cards, to help choosing characters to make things easier for us all. And for the number cards I think it’ll be less about having the objects in the scene, just something that reprisents its meaning, I’ll add the object to the background. So we don’t have to find a scene with, say six swords in it

Cards left to draw are:

The Tower - Luna Sea Spire The Star - Steven Universe The Moon - Opal The Sun - Sunstone Judgement -  Blue Yellow and White's hands as they blast the earth.   The World - A mural of Steven and the diamonds. Ace of Swords - Pearl 2 of swords - Pearl and Connie 3 of swords - Steven and Connie fighting three holo-pearls 4 of swords - Upright: rest, restoration, contemplation, Reversed: restlessness, burnout, stress.          5 of swords - Ruby Soldiers 6 of swords - Upright: transition, leaving behind, moving on, Reversed: emotional baggage, unresolved issues, resisting transition. - Steven in the car leaving Beach City.       7 of swords - Upright: deception, trickery, tactics and strategy, Reversed: coming clean, rethinking approach, - Marty 8 of swords - Upright: imprisonment, entrapment, self-victimization, Reversed: self acceptance, new perspective, freedom - Pink Diamond locked in her tower. 9 of swords - Upright: anxiety, hopelessness, trauma, Reversed: hope, reaching out, optimism. - Pearl in her first form from SU season one mirroring her most current form. 10 of swords - Upright: failure, collapse, defeat, Reversed: can't get worse, only upwards, inevitable end. - Buff Pink Steven just before he turns into monster Steven Page of swords - Upright: curiosity, restlessness, mental energy, Reversed: deception, manipulation, all talk       Knight of swords - Upright: action, impulsiveness, defending beliefs, Reversed: no direction, disregard for consequences, unpredictability Queen of Swords - Upright: complexity, perceptiveness, clear mindedness, Reversed: cold hearted, cruel, bitterness - Yellow Diamond King of swords - Upright: head over heart, discipline, truth, Reversed: manipulative, cruel, weakness.

Ace of cups - Lapis 2 of cups  - Nice and Mean Lapis 3 of cups - Garnet, Pearl and Bismuth when first reunited 4 of cups  -  Upright: apathy, contemplation, disconnectedness, Reversed: sudden awareness, choosing happiness, acceptance       5 of cups - Upright: loss, grief, self-pity, Reversed: acceptance, moving on, finding peace. - Crying Blue diamond. 6 of cups - Upright: familiarity, happy memories, healing, Reversed: moving forward, leaving home, independence   7 of cups  -  Upright: searching for purpose, choices, daydreaming, Reversed: lack of purpose, diversion, confusion - Lars (non Pink) 8 of cups  - Upright: walking away, disillusionment, leaving behind, Reversed: avoidance, fear of change, fear of loss       9 of cups - Upright: satisfaction, emotional stability, luxury, Reversed: lack of inner joy, smugness, dissatisfaction       10 of cups - Upright: inner happiness, fulfillment, dreams coming true, Reversed: shattered dreams, broken family, domestic disharmony  - Captain Lars Page of cups -  Upright: happy surprise, dreamer, sensitivity, Reversed: emotional immaturity, insecurity, disappointment. Knight of cups -  Upright: following the heart, idealist, romantic, Reversed: moodiness, disappointment. - Young Greg Universe   Queen of cups -  Upright: compassion, calm, comfort, Reversed: martyrdom, insecurity, dependence         King of cups - Upright: compassion, control, balance, Reversed: coldness, moodiness, bad advice  

Ace of Wands - Aquamarine 2  of Wands - Upright: planning, making decisions, leaving home, Reversed: fear of change, playing safe, bad planning   3  of Wands - Upright: looking ahead, expansion, rapid growth, Reversed: obstacles, delays, frustration - Sadie Miller 4  of Wands - Upright: community, home, celebration, Reversed: lack of support, transience, home conflicts - The Diamond party Steven held on Homeworld  5  of Wands   - Malachite 6 of Wands - Upright: victory, success, public reward, Reversed: excess pride, lack of recognition, punishment       7 of Wands - Upright: perseverance, defensive, maintaining control, Reversed: give up, destroyed confidence, overwhelmed  - Bill Dewey 8 of Wands - Upright: rapid action, movement, quick decisions, Reversed: panic, waiting, slowdown 9 of Wands -  Upright: resilience, grit, last stand, Reversed: exhaustion, fatigue, questioning motivations       10 of Wands - Upright: accomplishment, responsibility, burden, Reversed: inability to delegate, overstressed, burnt out       Page of Wands - Upright: exploration, excitement, freedom, Reversed: lack of direction, procrastination, creating conflict Knight of Wands - Upright: action, adventure, fearlessness, Reversed: anger, impulsiveness, recklessness - Onion       Queen of Wands - Upright: courage, determination, joy, Reversed: selfishness, jealousy, insecurities       King of Wands - Upright: big picture, leader, overcoming challenges, Reversed: impulsive, overbearing, unachievable expectations      

Ace of Pentacles -  Rose Quartz holding baby Steven with Pink diamond looking over them from behind them   2 of Pentacles - Upright: balancing decisions, priorities, adapting to change, Reversed: loss of balance, disorganized, overwhelmed   3 of Pentacles - Upright: teamwork, collaboration, building, Reversed: lack of teamwork, disorganized, group conflict       4 of Pentacles - Upright: conservation, frugality, security, Reversed: greediness, stinginess, possessiveness       5 of Pentacles - Bismuth at their anvil, making a sword. A barrel with four other swords next to her. 6 of Pentacles -  Upright: charity, generosity, sharing, Reversed: strings attached, stinginess, power and domination 7 of Pentacles - Upright: hard work, perseverance, diligence, Reversed: work without results, distractions, lack of rewards       8 of Pentacles - Upright: apprenticeship, passion, high standards, Reversed: lack of passion, uninspired, no motivation       9 of Pentacles -  Upright: fruits of labor, rewards, luxury, Reversed: reckless spending, living beyond means, false success. - Steven, Greg and Pearl in tuxedos.         10 of Pentacles -  Upright: legacy, culmination, inheritance, Reversed: fleeting success, lack of stability, lack of resources   Page of Pentacles - Upright: ambition, desire, diligence, Reversed: lack of commitment, greediness, laziness - Sour Cream Knight of Pentacles -  Upright: efficiency, hard work, responsibility, Reversed: laziness, obsessiveness, work without reward    Queen of Pentacles - Upright: practicality, creature comforts, financial security, Reversed: self-centeredness, jealousy, smothering - Vidalia King of Pentacles - Upright: abundance, prosperity, security, Reversed: greed, indulgence, sensuality. - Yellowtail

[actually-autisticc]

Things I wished that happened in SU Future

I wished there was some kind of new rebellion. It would’ve been interesting to see a bunch of some gems led by Bluebird because they wish Homeworld never changed. They enjoyed the order and hierarchy. I can see some gems being in it like Bluebird, Holly Blue, Emerald, and later Jasper. That would have been an interesting conflict

More Spinel! Cmon, they can’t just show Spinel a bit and expect it to be enough. As much as I enjoyed Stoner Spinel, I wished she was a tad more awkward. I did like the line “since I tried ta kill you? That was so embarrassing. I was such a wreck back then.” I feel like that was her realization that her actions were not the best but is struggling to be better. Nobody recovers from trauma that quickly. I kind of believed her to be hiding it a bit and is too high from Blue Diamond’s clouds. It would’ve been adorable to see her all awkward and shy at first with the Diamonds but then warms up and is playful.

The progress of the Diamonds. I didn’t like White’s redemption arc that much. It was way too rushed and short. White Diamond was supposed to be this ominous and omnipotent that’s practically a goddess. All it took for her to reform was Steven to say “lmao, no you.” Uh no, she should’ve apologized to ALL of Homeworld for her tyrannical rule. Apologize to Steven! Cause still deep down in him is Pink. I don’t like Pink but White Diamond is like a parent to Pink so the latter is immature. Pink sort of deserved an apology as well. It would’ve been kinda hilarious for White to struggle with being kind. I loved her and Steven’s exchange after the broadcast.

I loved Future, especially how it focused a lot more on Steven’s mental health. The show in general always talked about mental health, especially Garnet. The poor kid’s been through so much and it could’ve been dealt with thousands of years ago. I thought that it was kind of real when Dr. Mahaswaren discussed the affects of trauma. Hell, I’m learning that in school right now. So well-written here. My belief in the theory of Steven becoming corrupted was confirmed and damn, I kinda loved it. Not because I want our poor boy to suffer but tbh let him go apeshit.

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[love-takes-work]

When someone toxic needs a friend

I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.

A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:

A criticism I’ve seen: 

Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.

A perspective I’ve seen: 

LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.

Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:

The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 

She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 

In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 

Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.

I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 

Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 

It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.

[From the AV Club interview]

So here are a few things I want to shed light on.

It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.

I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.

When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.

But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.

Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.

Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.

Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly . . . .

He let her leave the garden.

Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.

When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.

But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.

As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.

Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.

I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 

I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”

Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.

Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 

But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 

No! 

Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?

The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 

She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.

[picturejasper20]

Jasper (SU) and Religious Trauma

In Steven Universe the leaders of Homeworld, the Diamonds, are treated as some type of deity who know what is right and wrong for other gems. This partially comes from their powers that allow them to create new gems and modify them. Homeworld is not only an authoritarian system but with religious undertones as well. Gems under the Diamonds are expected to follow their leaders' orders unquestionably, all because is their "higher purpose".

One of the gems that represents this mentality of carrying out the Diamonds' will is Jasper, who in the series wants to get revenge for Pink's supposed shattering and shows the impact this system has in the gems.

In this post i'm going to talk about Jasper's character arc through out Steven Universe and SU Future and and how her reactions to Homeworld's strict caste system can be compared to religious trauma. I'll leave some sources that discuss this topic at the end of the post.

Definition of religious trauma syndrome (from journeyfree):

¨Religious Trauma Syndrome is the condition experienced by people who are struggling with leaving an authoritarian, dogmatic religion and coping with the damage of indoctrination. They may be going through the shattering of a personally meaningful faith and/or breaking away from a controlling community and lifestyle.  RTS is a function of both the chronic abuses of harmful religion and the impact of severing one’s connection with one’s faith.  It can be compared to a combination of PTSD and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD).¨ Edit: It’s worth of pointing out that this refers to authoritarian religious communities that may cause trauma to their members. There are people who practice a religion as part of their daily life without any issues and live in places that aren’t abusive and controlling and are way more tolerant.

Identity crisis, self image and sense of belonging One theme that’s prevalent in Jasper’s arc is her huge struggle with identity, something that leads her to follow self destructive paths multiple times in the series. It’s difficult to know when this issue started but it’s likely that its origins are on how gems that were born in the Beta Kindergarten were considered defective by Homeworld’s standars. Like Peridot explains in the episode ¨Beta¨ the Beta Kindergarten was a rushed job, which lead to many gems to be born weaker or smaller than they were supposed to. This can be compared to when an extreme religious group makes a person who doesn’t follow certain standars feel like there is something wrong with them, this can include things such as the person’s sexuality, having a different idea of how said religion works, not following the strict protocol, questioning religious authorities, etc. All these factors may result in the person making feel ashamed, guilty, not being good enough or that they are going to be punished by god.

In Jasper’s case, it made her believe that due to her supposed ¨defectiness¨, that she wasn’t powerful enough. That she needed to prove to herself that there wasn’t anything wrong with her. And she did this by constanly looking for new opponents, seeking for fights, because that what quartzes were expected to do in Gem’s society. There’s also the fact that she believed that she wasn’t worth of Steven’s help and she needed to punished for not being able to defeat ¨Rose Quartz¨ (Smoky Quartz) in Earthlings. ¨I see how you do it now, Rose. You want Gems after they're worthless, you wait until after they've lost. Because when you're at the bottom, you'll follow anyone. That makes you feel like... less of a failure.¨ - From Earthlings

Other aspects worth of analysing are Jasper’s identity crisis over the loss of her ¨goddess¨, Pink Diamond. It’s possible that Jasper became very confused after learning how Pink got shattered since her purpose in life was to serve her. This is very clear from the way that she refers to Pink Diamond as ¨My Diamond¨ instead of Yellow Diamond, which is the Diamond she serves during the events of Steven Universe. In Steven Universe Future, after learning how Pink and Rose were the same person, she falls into a depressing state: She insolates in a cave for years, doesn’t want to talk to anyone, keeps training all days, she appears to be lost and doesn’t know what to do with her life and refuses Steven’s help. She even goes to the point of wanting to follow someone again that lets herself be destroyed by Steven, so she can accept him as her Diamond.

Jasper’s emotional reaction to Pink’s ¨shattering¨ and learning the truth about Pink it’s a bit similar to the process that people who were born in religious authoritarian communities go through when they start to question their faith. When they realize that something is not right with the system they live in. Often it leads to the person suffering from anxiety, depression and severe loneliness because they aren’t sure what they are supposed to do with their lives or where they should go to ask for help. By loosing/questioning their faith, it makes them feel lost without purpose and sense of who they are since their life, community and customs revolve around their religion. Problems with decision making and critical thinking Another issue that is a consequence of Religious Trauma is adopting a black and white mentality over the years, having trouble with thinking for oneself and connecting one's thoughts. This has its origins in religious authoritarian figures who don't allow disagreements in their community. There is a constant fear of questioning authorithy and if you do they would tell you that there is something wrong with you, that you should believe exactly what you are told or you're going to go to hell.

When it comes to Jasper, there are multiple times in the series that she asks questions to other characters, mainly the Crystal Gems, because she struggles understanding why someone would do something that doesn't follow Homeworld's rules. Like the rest of the gems, Jasper was told to believe everything the Diamonds ordered her to do. That anyone who stepped out of what was expected from Gem society deserved to be shattered since they were going against the Diamonds will or that they were defective. ¨Every Gem is made for a purpose: to serve the order of the Diamonds. Those who cannot fit inside this order must be purged!  To come out misshapen, to reshape yourself outside your purpose, and to defend this ruined worthless planet, is a disgrace!¨ - From Earthlings  She doesn't get why two gems would fuse, she can't comprehend why Peridot cares about Earth's life or why she sided with the Crystal Gems. I believe this mentality contributes to her downfall as well, since she usually gets defeated by fusions, something that she considers an abomination. Another huge example of this is when she struggles making decisions for herself in Steven Universe Future. Due to always having a leader giving her orders on what she was supposed to do next, she doesn't know what she should do now that there isn't a Diamond to follow.

In fact, Steven in "Little Homeworld" points out how she is spending her days waiting for someone to come to give her orders. Jasper lived for months in woods insolated, barely talking to anyone and trained all day destroying rocks and trees. This is why she tries making Steven her new diamond after finding out about his new gem powers. She desperately wants another person to give her a new purpose because she can't give herself one. Feelings of shame and not being good enough In religious extremist groups and cults it's common for its members to be taught to feel shame if they question their faith or do something that goes against their religion. It's a tactic that is implemented to control a person's behaviour and thoughts. It may be things like: "If you don't marry by the time you are 19, you'll be sinner" or "You shouldn't ask these questions, it's not what god wants". There is this sentiment that you must obey the leaders of the religious group, and if you don't, you are commiting a sin. Like i previously talked about earlier in my analysis, Jasper always felt that she was defective because she was born in planet Earth, considered a failed colony by Homeworld. I think that this feeling of shame and not being good enough lead her to believe that she didn't deserve to be saved from her situation. When Steven offered to heal her corruption in "Earthlings", she refused and pushed him away, letting herself be turned into a gem monster. In Future it is hinted that Amethyst and Steven tried helping many times, only for her to reject them. Jasper may think that only those who are worthy deserve to be saved and she isn't one of them. She is defective, meaning she should be shattered or be corrupted. She can't be saved and should refuse others' help. Feeling disconnected from society Often, when trauma religious survivors find themselves leaving their own religion, they start to feel disconneted from the rest of society. There are multiple reasons for this: not knowing how to fit in, having lost what they used to consider their community, having not been taught certain things after being insolated for years... My point is that they have a hard time adjusting to a new life without religion because in many ways that shaped their identity and relationships with other people. They have to learn critical thinking, society norms and how to respond to certain situations all over again. Much like religious survivors, Jasper had a very hard time adapting to Era 3, where gems could be free to make their own decisions and choose what they wanted to be. Jasper found herself without any purpose and decided to live alone in the woods for months.

It's clear that she doesn't know where to fit in this new era. She never had control of her own life this way before. It's confusing and chaotic. That's why she kept doing what she always did, which was training and fighting. It's her "comfort zone" despite being forced to do it since she came out of her hole.  It isn't until Steven harshly tells her "to find something better to do with her life" that she comes to terms with the fact that she has to walk her own path. Pink Diamond, or what's left of her, isn't going to be her leader. That's when Jasper decides to go to Little Homeworld to get help from other gems. In conclusion SU's Homeworld system shares some similarities with religious autoritarian groups. Jasper's emotional responses to having lived through this system can be compared to a trauma religious survivor too. Her feelings of thinking that she is defective and doesn't deserved help is much alike when a person living in a extremist religious is lead to believe that there is something wrong with them. Hopefully, Jasper would be able to recover from this now that she's living in Little Homeworld but it's going to take a while for her to fully grasp her past and the impact it had on her, just like many religious survivors do. Thanks @iamjjmma2​ for this suggestion Sources: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_trauma_syndrome (7 ways religion causes trauma) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7HwSGXPKzw8 (Continuation the first video) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yV0_wJUlw0I (What is religious trauma?) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1BQF7qvtkGQ https://yanahelps.com/blog/religious-trauma-syndrome/ https://journeyfree.org/rts/ https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/05/well/mind/religion-trauma-lgbt-gay-depression-anxiety.html SU wikia for the images and gifs

[dimonds456]

*sees your tags about being salty about suf spinel*

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT AND NOT SHARE YOUR SALT /LH

Okay, but I'm warning you, you asked for it.

LONG POST WARNING.

LIKE A REALLY, REALLY LONG POST WARNING.

Dimonds456 Presents: How They Did My Baby Dirty: An SUTM and SUF Analysis on Steven and Spinel (Told by a Progressively More and More Angry Narrator)

THE CONTEXT: There was a post talking about how you think a character will fix everything, but then they wind up making it works. My tags were "#*looks at suf spinel* #I am still salty about that like the bitch I am fghdjskgfa"

Grab some water, guys.

Let's start by talking about Steven for a moment. In the original show, when we were following him as a 12-14-year-old, we watched as he built up trauma and then learned how to hide it expertly well, to the point that most of the audience didn't even realize he was struggling.

You can actually pinpoint the seconds he makes those decisions, too. The best example is in "The Test," when he's storming up to the gems. He's pissed. His fists are clenched, he's got that anime eye shadow overlay on his face, he's frowning, all that. the Crystal Gems are clapping for him and lying to his face, and he KNOWS they are because he overheard them talking about how it was "impossible for him to fail" that test (- Garnet).

And yet... he also overheard them saying that they're just trying their best. They don't know what he needs. They never really have. No one is sure. So, Steven realizes that by picking a fight, he would just be making it worse for them because they would know they messed up, and nothing gets solved, and everyone gets more depressed and Amethyst and Pearl go back to fighting each other and- well, you get the picture. He doesn't have a full understanding of what's going on, so his kid brain went "so I can either be angry at them and cause problems, or I can tell them I did a good job to make them happy."

"I can lie to make them happy."

He storms down there angry, still mulling this decision over. He drops to the floor, frowning and pissed, and says "I can't believe you guys." He is so close to yelling at them, and yet, when he looks up at them...

"That was so... INSANE!"

You never would have been able to tell. It was right there. That moment. And then he never stops. For the ENTIRE REST of the series, he NEVER STOPS. He puts the Crystal Gems above himself every time. Think Rose's Scabbard, The Message, The Return/Jailbreak. The Cluster. Peridot. Dealing with Jasper. The zoo arc (ESPECIALLY the zoo arc). Aquamarine. Then pretty much the entirety of Season 5.

(NOTE: I went back and rewatched that scene for the screenshot. There is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it lip tremble in there too! D,: )

He lives for the people around him, and not for himself. Almost never for himself.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's look at his maturity. People thought that was just him being mature, right? That he grew up. No. That was not it at all. He was learning from his own behaviors as well as the people around him, and building up this idea that he had to "fight to be everything that everyone wants [him] to be when [he's] grown" (- Steven, the extended intro).

Yes, he matured, but not because of that. He started making various decisions to benefit the group that oftentimes he wasn't fully comfortable with, but something he believed would be better for everyone.

Put a pin in that.

Then, later in Future, we see it all manifest. He is selfless to a fault, to the point that he can't think of himself in a positive light in the sense that he's good. We see it a couple of times, but especially in "Prickly Pair," when he vents to Cactus Steven about everything that happened. He feels useless, which is taking a toll on his mental health.

"Why do I need to be needed?" He needs to be needed because that's everything he was as a kid. His entire IDENTITY rests on his ability to help other people, no matter what happens to him. He literally sacrificed himself for them countless times (the big one of course being the Aquamarine incident), and now as a teenager, his whole sense of self is wrapped up in this need to get up and do something to make the world better.

And when he can't make the world better, his world falls apart.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's talk about Spinel, the moment we've all been waiting for.

Spinel, as a gem, was made specifically to be a friend. That is her niche, and her purpose. Her reason for existing. At first, she and Pink Diamond got along very well, as shown in the flashbacks right before Drift Away plays (I headcanon she has illusion powers and was literally projecting her trauma, but that's a completely different post).

She and Pink vibed together for who knows how long, until one day, Pink started to not like being around Spinel anymore, finding her annoying and childish. We don't know what really caused the switch, just that it did happen (but of course, I have headcanons for that, too). Spinel never realized until it was FAR too late.

Steven actually describes his younger self as annoying at one point during the Diamond Days arc, when he decides to throw the ball, so I'm legally allowed to make this comparison.

Steven and Spinel were the SAME. They were both young and dumb, and something that at least a few people found annoying. People put up with their BS though, since they cared about them. But, while Steven realized this and matured because of it (or bottled up his emotions, to each their own), Spinel never did. She never matured. She was never given a chance.

In the movie, we saw her as a child, and watched as she played with Pink and never tried to be or do anything else, to the point that Pink Diamond thought to realize she might be struggling (and maybe Spinel didn't, either!).

She lives for the people around him, and not for herself. Almost never for herself.

And when she can't be friends with this one person, her world falls apart.

Sound familiar? It should. I literally pulled from things I said earlier lol.

Spinel and Steven are mirror reflections of each other. Reset!Spinel is 14-year-old Steven, completely devoting her entire self to one idea. Steven's was helping others no matter what, Spinel's was serving Pink no matter what. Spinel is like a combination of 14 and 12-year-old Steven in this sense, honestly. Goofy, without a care in the world, except one thing: the people around her. She would do anything for Pink, just as Steven would do anything for his family.

Now, Pink Diamond left Spinel. We all know this story. She left Spins there in the garden for 6,000 years because she grew more mature and started a rebellion, effectively forgetting about this one gem she kinda stopped caring about standing there.

Personally, I don't think Pink had any malicious or even intentional intent in that, but this ain't about her. This is about how Spinel continued to sacrifice herself for Pink, even when Pink didn't need her to anymore. She wanted to please Pink 24/7, all day every day, to the point she self-sacrificed and stood perfectly still for her for millenia.

Now, back to Steven. The gems don't need him anymore in Future, right? They've all grown up and matured and headed off towards their own futures, effectively stranding him alone in terms of self-identity and self-worth. But he stays there, ready to assist at the drop of a hat, or- in Future's case- the call of a phone.

Episode 6 anyone? The one everyone says shouldn't be in Future? That it should have been cut to allow more focus on Steven himself? The fusion episode? YEAH. THAT. He is running himself RAGGED to try and help others, to give himself a purpose. He is self-sacrificing. (He's a professional, don't worry. /j)

Steven metaphorically planted his feet down and decided that he was going to devote himself to the people around him.

Spinel's feet were literally tied down soon after she made that very same decision.

Okay, enough with the backstory. Time for the salt.

In Future, Steven is at his lowest low. He is running to the Diamonds for help, to see if there is SOMETHING they can do to help him. And we first see Spinel.

Spinel has been through the ringer on a lot of the same mental problems Steven himself is facing. She self-isolated, watched as everyone grew up and left her, and then began to lash out because of it. She understands what he's going through. We even see her concerned as Steven starts to tell her why he's there.

Spinel takes him from Diamond to Diamond, until he's running out of White's room in a blind panic. Spinel is able to catch up with him, and Steven realizes the same. SHE GETS IT. He turns around and says "Hey, you used to have vengeful thoughts!"

Spinel replies "Ohhhhh yeah, but I don't have 'em anymore."

"How did you make them stop?"

She then goes on to sing Change to him, effectively cutting that conversation short.

On paper, that sounds very in-character for her. She's goofy! And that is what worked for her! But the problem is that they had to dumb her down in order to make that character decision work. In the movie, she was shown to be observant and able to put two and two together, even if she often jumps to conclusions (see her being the one to figure out that the gems needed to remember their "pieces," as she remembers the Garden, her re-realizing what Pink did, and her meltdown later when she reactivates the injector).

Spinel is smart. It should have been in character for her to realize that Steven was panicking just as she had been, and needed to be talked to gently. But no. Instead, she starts belting out Change, which given Steven's situation, would not work for him.

At the very least, she would have started doing little tricks or started trying to get him to join a game, which would have taken his mind off of it (to her anyways, that wouldn't have worked either), which then could have prompted further discussion.

Then, once they finally start talking, Spinel could have been able to share some legitimate advise. She was hurt and lashed out. What worked for her was opening up to others and letting them in, learning to trust again (which Steven also has problems with- he can't trust that the Gems won't break down the second he turns his back. Trust does NOT equal love, there is no doubt he loves them to no end), and allowing other people in.

That is what Steven needed, too. He needed to let his guard down and just talk to someone. Sure, Spinel was not going to be a fix-all, but she could have at least offered some insight on what to do.

She UNDERSTANDS him. They are a reflection of each other.

But instead of offering help, Spinel made it worse. She was dumbed down to allow the rest of Future to happen, to make Steven feel even worse. Because- and here's the kicker- because the one person who MIGHT understand him doesn't, that means there's no hope for him.

At least, that's how he sees it. And so, the denial- and "Everything's Fine"- begins.

Here's the thing, though; they DIDN'T NEED to make that decision. If the Crew wanted to have Spinel not understand Steven, then draw the line of her being a Gem from Era 1, used to the Diamonds shattering people.

Steven has killed Jasper and revived her at this point, so maybe Spinel offers that at least he's trying to get better, just like the other Diamonds! See, they're doing so great now! And then that makes him feel worse since he IS trying to do better, but is only failing, while the Diamonds- who were MADE to be nasty dictators- are doing better than him.

The Diamonds shattered a lot of people, and they're doing better than Steven, who has only shattered one person, and not even on purpose. How horrible is that?

Then boom. THERE'S your angst, with a much smarter, more helpful Spinel.

Look, I knew going in that Spinel wasn't going to be able to help. The finale had to happen somehow, and we hadn't seen Wormy Boi yet. I have always been a storng believer of the corrupted Steven theory, so I knew it was bound to happen. But I was hoping that Spinel would at least try. But she really didn't. She just brushed him off, offering really loose advise that didn't even fit his situation and thinking that would be enough.

No. It's not.

I can see where the Crew was coming from. I still love that episode, and I love seeing Spins in it (until that exact moment). This is probably the only thing in SU that genuinely gets me mad. Or, well, maybe not mad, but definitely annoyed and- you guessed it- salty.

I have an unfinished fic where I kinda delve into Spinel's head for that episode called "A New Start". If you really want my thoughts on where Spinel's head was at, there's a bit in there that really explains it. In the fic, Steven decides to rejuvenate himself and brings Spinel along with him, and that's all the context you need for this.

I cannot explain that moment in the climax of the episode, though. Maybe she thought it would make him feel better, or that maybe he really did just need to open his eyes and see the error of his ways (which doesn't make sense, he KNOWS what he did). Maybe she thought that being silly would help somehow.

But you'd think she'd learn from her time with Pink as she grew more annoyed with her, but apparently not. Or maybe she would realize for a second that being loud and annoying was bad. Or maybe she doesn't learn.

Either way, it- and she- was dumb. And they did my baby dirty.

*drops mic and walks away*

[novantinuum]

On the corrupted!Steven theory...

So, originally when I mused on this yesterday I was just playing around with random possibilities.

After combing the series for info about corruption, though, I’m mildly spooked at the increased potential for this to... perhaps be a thing? I’m not saying that this is what I for sure believe will happen- to be honest, I’m not even sure Crewniverse would go this direction at all- but just for funsies, let’s see what kind of “evidence” or “foreshadowing” exists that might support this potential story path in the context of canon.

(EDIT: 10/7/19 

I honestly no longer think this creature is a worm at all whatsoever, it’s either more akin to a horned caterpillar or potentially has limbs. Either way we can see so little right now that it’s hard to tell. I’m not editing the rest of this post because I want it to exist in its original form- but do keep this in mind reading the rest! XP)

1) The design of this worm creature.

Let’s start simple. Let’s start tangible. 

For future reference and simplicity, I will be henceforth be referring to this creature as... “Wormy Boi.”

So, let’s see what we’ve got here. I’m definitely not the first person to point out this fella’s pink nature, and the jarringly human-like nose they’ve got. (Compared to other corruptions, which have had distinctly non-humanoid features.) In the photo above, we also have Wormy Boi sporting glowing pink eyes, which then send out a flare of pink light/energy. So, seemingly a powerful entity.

If you watch the short segment before they sit upright, you’ll see that Wormy Boi is super, super big. They’re in the background, but BOY do they loom. The shadows cast upon them especially push that sense of size. They’ve also got a whole bunch of spikes on their back and framing their face.

So, then. What evidence could be made for this being a corrupted!Steven, as opposed to some other run-of-the-mill monster?

Steven Universe Future is a limited series, described as ‘tying up loose ends.” To me, as a viewer, it would make far more sense for the antagonists/conflicts to deal with big concepts that have already been established since there’s such a limited amount of time we have left with this world. Introducing a completely alien species in the last act of the show would feel offbeat from both a writing and a viewing perspective. Corruption- on the other hand- is something we don’t have full answers to yet.

We don’t see any gem, yes- but Steven’s gem is- of course- on his belly. If this theory were to be true, that would translate to the gem being on Wormy Boi’s underside, far out of our sight in this shot, due to how massive they are. As an addition to this, not showing the gem gives an air of mystery to this creature’s true nature- which makes it seem like there’s something surprising to discover here.

A corrupted diamond would surely be MASSIVE. Also, very powerful. The beam of pink light hints at Wormy Boi being quite a powerhouse.

The spikes on Wormy Boi’s back and around their face highly resemble rose thorns. We all know how much the Crewniverse loves their rose symbolism, and design wise, this aspect would make a lot of visual sense for a corrupted Steven. Running off of that:

The face/nose shape and the five horns on this creature’s head give off a very Steven-like silhouette. 

The nose, of course. The face has a very Steven-like shape to it, overall- although noticeably more angular and sharp. The mouth is reminiscent of the Watermelon Stevens’ mouths. And as for the horns, there’s five of them positioned equidistant around their face, just as Steven’s hair is always formed from five lil’ bumps at the same positions.

Okay, moving on.

(Read more under the cut!)

2) We do not yet understand the true nature of corruption.

“I guess it’ll take more than a kiss to heal damage from the Diamonds…” -Pearl, Monster Reunion

Corruption is still- bafflingly- a huge mystery. The Gems we’ve watched the CGs bubble since season one have been healed, yes, but there are still many gaps in our understanding of it. With Steven Universe Future’s promise to address some lingering story threads, it would make sense if corruption was on the plate for further discussion. So, what DO we know?

We know it’s something the Diamonds can do. Interestingly, it doesn’t seem to require all four diamonds. Three of them together were able to cause all the damage to Earth. There’s also no statement made that more than one Diamond is required to cause effects like that. 

In Legs From Here to Homeworld, Blue and Yellow Diamond weren’t actually aware the corruption was something they were capable of producing. They seemed to assume they obliterated the Gems on Earth. Corruption is then, even a mystery to them. That’s... odd, isn’t it?

Pearl states that it’s “something nearly impossible to describe.” Garnet goes further to say... “It’s sorta like... if MC Bear-Bear didn’t tear the fabric of his arm, but the fabric of his mind.”

"A sound… A song?” There’s a lot of association between corruption and music.

It causes Gems to lose touch with their usual forms, instead warping into a more outwardly "monstrous” version of themselves that appear to be “just a bundle of fight-or-flight reflexes and survival instincts.” As seen by Centipeetle in Monster Buddy and Monster Reunion, it appears as if corrupted Gems try to regenerate with their original forms if unbubbled, but are simply not in a state where they can maintain that.

As seen with Jasper in Earthlings, extreme emotional distress very much seems to speed up corruption’s effects. This is less of a stated fact and more of my read on that episode, but I believe it to be an important tidbit, especially since Garnet states that corruption’s damage is mental rather than physical, at least at its core. This can also be seen in Monster Reunion with how Centipeetle’s partial healing backfires when she remembers the trauma of being corrupted and reacts strongly.

Now, when it comes to healing corruption, Steven tries to heal Centipeetle himself, and does make some nice progress... helping her regain a hold on herself as he treats her with love and compassion and understanding... but it’s ultimately not a healing that can occur in isolation, helping her on his own. She needs more support before she can heal from this corruption to a state where she can truly be herself again.

And that eventually comes in the form of the other Diamonds. So, all four diamonds can help relieve the corruption if they help these Gems all together. 

3) How could this theory potentially fit into the story anyways, you nutter?

Well, here’s the part of this post where I make some broad conjectures. I honestly am shooting fish into a barrel here because again- we know barely anything about how corruption actually happened initially, and my thoughts are very jumbled. Please forgive me.

"I don’t really know how the corruption works. It’s like they’re sick. They don’t remember who they used to be.” -Steven, Gem Hunt

So, corruption seems to be a mental ailment of Gemkind, turned manifest. It also seems to have a deep connection to a Gem’s emotions, with Centipeetle growing smaller and slightly calmer upon feeling more secure in Steven’s presence, and corruption speeding up as Jasper grew more and more emotionally overwrought and self-deriding about herself. 

When it comes to the Diamonds and how they perhaps caused it originally- without fully realizing- we know that at least Blue and White have abilities focused on causing others to act in certain ways. Blue has sway over one’s emotions, and White has a knack for forcing her thoughts and self upon others. (I’m not sure how Yellow’s ability would play in here.) Mayhaps, mixed with their grief and guilt and anger, their power simply pressed all of that hurt emotion onto all the Gems on Earth in one whole fail swoop...? Tearing their minds in the process of it all?

The question I still have, though- is whether a single diamond could produce effects like this. And whether a diamond could turn that ability on themself.

Could Steven accidentally corrupt himself? Why might that happen?

Well, let’s look at our boy here. 

He’s got a wide circle of support at this time in canon, but notably, he’s notorious for bottling up his emotion and not letting others in to help him- instead dropping everything to help them with their problems. Just to name a few examples (a few):

The Test. He feels betrayed and hurt at the Gems for a moment about the way they’re babying him with the rigged test, but instead of admitting the hurt he feels about the scenario, bottles that up to help them feel more like good guardians.

Joy Ride. He opens up to the Cool Kids about deep, incredibly troubling stuff that’s long been on his mind, but he’s never once talked about it with his family.

Mindful Education. The perils of bottling one’s emotions is literally the whole plot of the episode. The kid has a full out sobbing breakdown while he’s plunging to his death. Connie gets through to him a little here, but later episodes show that the resolution we see here is merely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Steven’s internal issues. 

Storm in the Room. Externally, Steven tries so hard to put on a guise of content and positivity, but once alone in Rose’s room feels safe enough to let the full brunt of his emotional trauma come out in an almost explosive manner. Geeze, get this kid some hugs. 

Gemcation. Steven actually fails bitterly on putting on his customary smile in this episode, simply because the weight of his problems have become such an impossible burden to him. When the other Gems are trying to help him open up, he isn’t immediately responsive to their efforts. 

What’s Your Problem? Amethyst spends the whole episode trying to cheer Steven up and find out how he’s doing, and instead Steven downplays his own feelings on the matter and ends up helping her sort out her own emotional issues.

So to sum: Many an Emotional Issue, a chronic tendency to avoid outwardly addressing said issues in favor of helping everyone else instead... and to avoid accepting other people’s help.

Even if he’s surrounded by all these people who love him, the fact of the matter is that Steven still feels as if he has to face his own inner demons alone.

Now, let’s look at the lil’ teasing synopsis that was given for Steven Universe Future:

“After saving the universe, Steven is still at it, tying up every loose end. But as he runs out of other people’s problems to solve, he’ll finally have to face his own.”

Blatantly sounds like we’re gonna finally get some addressing of Steven’s emotional state, now doesn’t it?

4) A concept on what could, theoretically happen

“Maybe… it IS a guy in a monster costume. I don’t mean literally, silly! What I mean is... there might be a conscious Gem still inside there, somewhere. What if the monster is turning back and forth into its original form? If it is, it might not be as corrupted as we think! There might still be a chance to save it!” -Steven, Gem Hunt

Suppose Steven- by some as-of-yet unknown means- ends up accidentally corrupting himself. His sorry emotional state only further amplifies the effects of this corruption, and makes it really hard to retain control. Wormy Boi as a form could be like... all his inner demons made manifest, a metaphoric mirror into his current mental state. But- as he is half-human- he’s not entirely unaware of what’s happening. Perhaps... as the quote above could be sneaky foreshadowing for... how he’s turning back and forth between this corrupted form and his normal form. 

He likely wouldn’t want everyone to see him like this, doesn’t want everyone to visibly know the sheer depth of how much he’s hurting. But just like the corrupted Gems were only able to be helped in community, with the support of the CGs and the Diamonds in preparing the fountain, Steven can’t fix this on his own. 

He can no longer face the dark alone.

At some point, everyone has to take a brave step. Reach out. Accept help. 

Steven’s helped so many people, and surely he deserves that same love and care in return, too.

And perhaps, when he’s eventually healed from this- and has gotten the opportunity to be open with his family and friends about the hurt he’s facing- he’ll be left with “corruption scars” as well. I think it’s an important thing to address, that no one goes through experiences like these without lingering effects. Stuff stays with you. Healing is not always linear. But life is a continuous journey, and with the support of people who love you surrounding, you too can make a change... can continue to live to the fullest at every moment possible.

I think the above would be a lovely moral for Steven Universe to tackle in its last run of episodes, no matter how they approach it- daft corruption theory or not.

Now, in the end- a reiteration. This is just a wild theory. I’m not trying to be any authoritative voice saying that this is for sure what will happen, because in reality I have no idea what Crewniverse is cooking. However, I do think it’s fun speculation, and I am kinda spooked at how well things fit. 

Whatever happens, I’m sure it will make me weep like a baby, though. Hoh boy. Grant me sanity in these coming months as we wait for answers.