#it’s not my best work but it’s Work period!

[felinesassosaurus]

If your pms/period symptoms cause you to change or adjust your life to accommodate them GO TO THE DOCTOR

If your pms/period symptoms stop you from doing the things you want or need to do GO TO THE DOCTOR

If your pms/period makes you feel spent, exhausted, drained, depressed, or like dying GO TO THE DOCTOR

If your pms/period symptoms start before and/or continue after the bleeding GO TO THE DOCTOR

And when you go to the doctor, be as descriptive as possible. Full on purple prose. None of this "it hurts so much, 12/10 pain" if it feels like Satan is squeezing your insides say "Satan is squeezing my insides" If you feel like what horror movie vampire victims look like say exactly that.

Doctors are best able to treat things they know a lot about so tell them everything. Even if it seems unrelated. Backache a day or two before bleeding? Tell them. Constipation, diarrhea, both? Tell them. Food cravings? Tell them. Leave nothing to the imagination, leave no gaps to be filled.

Give examples of how your life is affected. Did you turn down an invite next week because that's when you're expecting your period? Did you have to cancel plans you were really excited for because of your period? Does your performance at work or school suffer? Do your friends and family ask you're feeling ok for plans instead of just asking if you're free? Or say that they really hope you'll be feeling ok for a planned thing? Do your pets behave differently around you? Particularly if they seem extra cuddly, attentive, or protective. Does your pet constantly want in your face? (To smell your breath, the animal equivalent of a hand on the forehead)

Paint a picture of your life and highlight the differences. If you're worried about not being listened to, bring the bossiest person who knows your story. Write it down if you want.

Make sure the Dr knows how detrimental your symptoms are. Make sure you are heard.

hey so it’s march now aka the beginning of endometriosis awareness month and i feel obligated to remind you that debilitatingly painful periods are not normal. if you or someone you know is ending up sick or bedridden every month, you are not crazy and deserve medical attention from someone who will take you seriously

[bloomzone]

📕 𝟓𝟎-𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞

March 1st ! If you’ve been slacking, if your study habits have been messy, or if finals are creeping up way too fast this is it. I did a 20-day productivity challenge before, but now, with finals staring me down and less than 90 days to go, I need to actually get my flip together.For the next 50 days, I’m locking in. This isn’t about aesthetic study sessions or fake productivity or like those 10s filming study routine 💁🏻‍♀️ . It’s about deep focus, real progress, and making sure you n i walk into finals prepared, not panicked.

before we start! what are the ..

🔴 Things You Need to Avoid

When you’re pushing yourself to study, it’s easy to fall into traps that make the process feel harder than it needs to be. One of the biggest things to avoid is procrastination. It’s tempting to delay tasks and distract yourself with less important things, but the truth is, the longer you wait, the more overwhelming it becomes. Putting things off only builds stress and leaves you with less time to focus on what truly matters.Another major pitfall is burnout. While it might feel like working non-stop is the key to success, the reality is that exhaustion doesn’t lead to productivity. If you push yourself too hard without breaks or balance, you’ll find your focus slipping, and your energy drained. Instead, aim for deep, focused study periods with scheduled rest to recharge. The key is working smart, not just hard.u also NEED to stay away from passive studying. Reading over your notes without actively engaging with the material might feel like you’re making progress, but it’s not enough. True learning happens when you interact with the content whether that’s through active recall, practicing problems, or teaching the concept to someone else. It’s about getting the information out of your head, not just in.And then there’s multitasking, which can be deceiving. You might think that juggling multiple tasks or subjects at once is a sign of productivity, but in reality, it dilutes your focus. Instead, concentrate on one subject at a time and give it your full attention. By focusing deeply, you’ll achieve better results in less time.Finally, avoid over-planning. It’s easy to get stuck in an endless loop of scheduling and rearranging without actually doing the work. While having a plan is crucial, it’s more important to take action. Don’t get paralyzed by perfection; start moving forward, and adapt as you go.

💡 What You Need to Succeed

Success in a challenge like this comes down to preparation, mindset, and consistency. First and foremost, you need to set yourself up for success by organizing everything you need. Having your books, notebooks, and study tools ready at your desk isn’t just about being prepared—it’s a psychological trigger that helps you get into the right mindset. When you see your space ready for work, it subconsciously tells your brain that it’s time to focus.But it’s not just about the materials. Your environment matters. A cluttered space can lead to a cluttered mind, so make sure you have a clean, quiet place to study. This is where you’ll spend most of your time, so make it a space that supports your work rather than distracts you. Even something as simple as proper lighting and a comfortable chair can make a huge difference in your ability to focus.It’s also essential to have the right tools. Flashcards, sticky notes, mind maps, or even physical planners whatever helps you engage with the material actively is what you should have at hand. You don’t need to follow a one-size-fits-all strategy, but it’s about finding what works best for you. What will make the material stick? What will make you more engaged and less likely to zone out?Consistency is key, too. This isn’t a sprint y'all u need to commit to a study schedule that’s manageable and realistic. Establish a routine that you can stick to every day thats what my teachers say everyday whether it’s an hour in the morning or a few hours in the evening. Building consistency will help you develop the discipline needed to push through tough moments, especially when motivation runs low.Finally, don’t forget about your energy. Sleep, food, and overall well-being are the foundation of any successful study routine. Without proper rest, your brain can’t absorb or retain information. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep to let your brain recharge and consolidate what you’ve learned. Likewise, pay attention to your body when you're well-rested and nourished, you’ll feel more alert, focused, and motivated. Let's cb !

📕 𝟓𝟎-𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧

( starting March 1 – May 9)

0️⃣1️⃣ Week 1: System Reset & Strategy (March 1-7)

🔹 List everything you need to study before finals.

🔹 Identify weak areas & high-priority topics.

🔹 Create an adaptable study plan (structured but flexible).

🔹 Set non-negotiable study hours per day (📚 2< hours).

🔹 Organize notes & resources so you’re not scrambling later.

🔹 Test different study environments & methods to maximize focus.

0️⃣2️⃣ Week 2: Deep Focus & Active Recall (March 8-14)

🔹 No passive studying (no just reading or highlighting).

🔹 Prioritize active recall (practice papers, Q&A, teaching concepts).

🔹 Use visual memory aids (mind maps, charts, bullet points).

🔹 Track distractions & eliminate what kills your focus.

🔹 Keep a focus log: What breaks your concentration? Fix it.

0️⃣3️⃣ Week 3: Technical Subjects and theory based subjects (March 15-21)

��� Literature, history , philosophy... and theory-based subjects:

➖ Read critically, summarize, and debate ideas (not just memorize).

➖ Work on structured arguments & analysis for essays.

📈 Math ... problem-solving subjects:

➖ Use timed practice to simulate exam pressure.

➖ Write key formulas & rules on flashcards.

➖ Break down problems into step-by-step solutions.

🔹 Study difficult subjects when your energy is highest.

0️⃣4️⃣ Week 4: Writing & Expression (March 22-28)

🔹 Summarize topics in your own words every day.

🔹 Create one-page cheat sheets for major topics. (for revision nothing else 💁🏻‍♀️)

🔹 Write mock essays & structured answers (practice depth).

🔹 Focus on clarity & argument-building (make your writing strong).

🔹 Challenge: Can you explain this concept in 3 sentences?

0️⃣5️⃣ Week 5: Self-Testing & Performance Check (March 29-April 4)

🔹 Take full practice tests under exam conditions.

🔹 Time yourself: Work on speed & accuracy.

🔹 Identify weak spots and revisit them.

🔹 Grade your own work harshly—improve where needed.

🔹 Find patterns in mistakes and create strategies to fix them.

0️⃣6️⃣ Week 6: Memory & Retention (April 5-11)

🔹 Daily mini-revision of past weeks’ topics (keep everything fresh).

🔹 Use mnemonics, stories, & memory associations.

🔹 Sleep optimization for memory consolidation (good sleep = better recall).

🔹 Try retrieval practice before checking notes.

🔹 Apply concepts in real-life situations (where possible).

0️⃣7️⃣ Week 7: Peak Productivity & Stamina (April 12-18)

🔹 Push study hours (without burnout).

🔹 Use study sprints: 2-3 intense sessions per day.

🔹 Reduce fake productivity (low-value tasks don’t count).

🔹 Prioritize high-impact topics.

🔹 Simulate exam pressure—train yourself to think fast under stress.

0️⃣8️⃣ Week 8: Advanced Questioning & Strategy (April 19-25)

🔹 Study past exam patterns : what do they repeat?

🔹 Learn what examiners actually want in answers.

🔹 Debate answers with yourself or others (argue both sides).

🔹 Find alternative explanations for complex topics.

🔹 Challenge: What’s the hardest question you could get? Be ready.

0️⃣9️⃣ Week 9: Mastery & Confidence (April 26-May 2)

🔹 Final review: Focus only on weak spots.

🔹 80/20 Rule: What 20% of topics will help the most?

🔹 Do “last-minute style” studying—but without panic.

🔹 Take simulated exams with time limits (test performance).

🔹 Train your brain to stay confident under pressure.

🔟 Week 10: Exam-Specific Prep (May 3-May 9)

🔹 Prioritize final polishing, NOT cramming.

🔹 Review summaries, key formulas, & essay structures.

🔹 Optimize sleep & energy (don’t mess this up now).

🔹 Have a "cheat sheet" in your mind for each subject.

🔹 Last 3 days: Light review, no stress, trust your prep.

last tip !

There will be moments when u feel like giving up, when the material seems overwhelming or the effort too much. That’s when your mindset needs to kick in. The difference between success and failure isn’t about natural talent or born smart it’s about your ability to keep going when things get tough I'm talking about the material not burnout out .The truth is, hard work, perseverance, and adaptability are what lead to success not innate ability.Think of each week as a building block, each day as a step forward. Every time you study, you’re not just learning the material you’re evolving. You’re becoming more disciplined, more capable, and more confident. Even on the days when you feel like you’ve made little progress, remind yourself that you’re making small, consistent strides. These small changes compound over time

good luck !

@bloomzone

[fullfriendnerdclutch]

Rites: Lunar New Year

They said I haven't experienced the actual Lunar New Year unless I visited China during the period. So that is exactly what I did as I transferred my consciousness to my cousin in the mainland, Zhihao. The thing is.....it's been a month ever since that day and I'm still inside Zhihao up until today. It's not like it's difficult — he's a personal trainer for God's sake — I just missed my old life despite totally not even close to look as ripped as Zhihao or having countless parties that led to orgies everywhere I go as my cousins. I mean, can you blame the folks? My cousin aka me now is a fucking sex magnet and everyone wants a piece of me or at least having me in their friend group.

Even in the gym where I work, a lot of the clients I managed turns out to be having a fat crush on Zhihao and I simply followed the flow when I pummelled their mouth with my cock in the bathroom or when I just played out the role of a personal trainer while we have sex, guiding and talking them through it proven to be quite a hit as they always begged for more

But as I mentioned, despite all that, I just want to have my normal life back. I miss my morning run under the blazing California sun. I miss my friends back home. The quick stroll to greet my go-to barista. My fucking boring job. I miss them all. Yet, if my memory served me right, I think the ancient scripture said about the effect to wear off in the next cycle. Does that merely mean another year, which means some times around early next year? Another Snake Year, which means 2037/2038?? Or do I have zero chance to return as the next Wood Snake year only happened in 2075 or 2085 if I'm not mistaken??? I really should have just bought the ticket to fly all the way here or even better, stop being FOMO and I should just embrace how I as a Chinese-American can celebrate an equally meaningful Lunar New Year with my core family and closest friends without having to feel inferior with my extended families that lived here all their life. Well, there's nothing else I can do other than just live the best life as my cousin for now, I believe it must be nice for him to return to his body with me taking great care of it, even though the lack of call is a bit concerning......

[loveforthefeminineenergy]

What To Expect In Your Life Next? 🛫🚏🧭 - PAC

Welcome to the Love For The Feminine 🦋

Thank you for the likes, sharing, comments and following!🤗

...............Love For The Feminine 🦋 .................

So my Lovelies this pick a card will be about the next phase of your life which can be anything and everything and it can come anytime soon from now on!

Let's dive in!⤵️

...............Love For The Feminine 🦋 .................

🛫Pile 1:

So this is very obvious for me that you about to travel my lovely. This can be somewhere far, like overseas or you will just cross the ocean soon. Interesting because your reading can go two ways. It's like you will have two options regarding to this travel. One way will be a much more smoother and enjoyable and the other will be the same old same old and the best part in it that you can decide how you would like it.❤️ Which is always a win a win.

Hmm. I am hearing that the how is not even important. The what will be important here which is what will be the catalyst for you to do this change, because my lovely you will be the one who will initiate it from the start or you are already manifesting it.👏🏻

I am feeling, it can be that you are specifically will receive a very interesting insights or some kind of hidden information or even download from above and while you might do not have a clue what I am talking about, the universe is plotting everything in behind the scenes. This information can come through a person who will be sent by your spiritual team too.🧭

Very interesting and mysterious for you my lovely.😉

How can you align with this is, in a simple way: just going within. Meditation or even just having a good rest can elevate your energy and this will help you and the universe to work together, so you will be more interested the present moment to actually see it, hear it or even sense it. 🙏🏻

Your intuition might going to heighten up before this change happening or you will feel much more sensitive than usual. If you are a lady here than my lovely this can be during the time of your period even.

This is a big shift for you which will effect your 3D world. 🌎

It can be moving, changing location, travelling from one place to another and staying there forever because it will be more aligned with your soul.❤️

You are not just elevating in the 3D but in the 5D as well and let me tell you a secret, the energy always arrives at first and then the change is happening around you as well.

So before this shift happening you might will feel very uncomfortable because you are growing out your own self, the old skin. Like a beautiful snake 🐍 shredding what they don't need anymore.

This is how I can imagine this for you.🔥

Something which will effect your physical body and environment. ✨

Like Kundalini Awakening!👏🏻

The Phoenix Rising From The Ashes!🌠

Thank you for reading it!

Bye bye

...............Love For The Feminine 🦋 .................

🚏Pile 2:

Peace!✌🏻

This is how I can describe what is coming next for you. Inner peace, baby! ❤️

Your life will be about just you with someone special or specials depends on your preferences, I am feeling it. 😊😋

If you are already in a connection, it can be that you might going in separate ways because your inner peace will be much more important for you, as it should be!🍷

Only take this info if you are dealing with someone who is unhealthy for you! 🙏🏻

So back to the singles.

By the way if you are in a connection and you are happy you are going to be blessed even more.😉 Even with a baby 🍼 if you want to. 😉 S*x definitely will be good, just let me tell you. ✌🏻

Okay, so singles! 😎 Are you ready to fall in love? No? Yes? You can choose baby, because you will have options.

I am sensing a vey seductive energy from you and what will be unleashed here because you will be that tiger or lion or the female version of it who will be on the spotlight and on the dating market.

Cupid will come at your door step! Wow 😳 this is very specific here....

I am not going to lie but it can literally it will knock on your door🚪... Spooky😂

If you are not looking for love, I am feeling, it will find you anyway. 👻

There will be opportunities in front of you which you might do not want to miss, if you know what I mean 😋😜💋

You will be glowing baby🍒

So it can be that Goddess Aphrodite will be around you from now on or the energy of romance, love and passion and beauty! 💞

It can be that you are already doing some kind of change on you regarding to your appearance or you will. Going to the gym or just working out at home. Eating much more better even if it looks unhealthy for other people. I am going to be honest. You will put food and drink in your body which will make you feel good even if it's a cheeseburger 🍔 with fries🍟, your body will get what your body needs. And how you are eating it will be very s*xy even if you look like a mess.

The special someone will love it definitely. I have feeling people will love to feed you or someone has a kink here. 😘

Something with your cooking skills will be outstanding, I am hearing it. 🏆

People and especially the gender what you are attracted to will be very eager to get your numbers, ask you out or shower you with love!😘

You will be a wife or a husband material for people so if this is what you want you will get no matter what! 💗😉

Even if you specifically will not do anything on you regarding to your appearance, it will be your energy which will be very magnetic to people.🔥

So my lovely just think it as if you have a genie lamp 🪔 and it will make your wishes come true.

Alright then, that was for you.

Thank you for reading it!

PS: It can be that someone will be in your DM soon as well 😜✌🏻

I have still a little note for that you will feel like a Femme Fatale or Don Juan, dark feminine arise. Boom Shakalaka😋

Have fun with it, it's going to be safe for you. S*xual interaction, love, passion, flirting, exploring, dating even when it comes to just being with yourself!❤️😊

Bye Bye

...............Love For The Feminine 🦋 .................

🧭Pile 3:

Interesting, already I am feeling that you are entering a winning phase of your life.

If you are playing lottery, 😁 it can be that you will win or you will feel that you are winning everytime no matter what you are doing.

Midas touch!🏆

More positivity my lovely this is what's coming for you. More laughter, more joy, happiness and freedom.

So take what will applies for you.🤗

We have here someone who will be about to get married, so congratulations if this for you.🎊🎉

Everything will be okay!👍🏻

If you are not the one who will get married soon that my lovely you might going to attend to one just to support your friend or your relatives.

Because somehow I am feeling that you will buy a very nice outfit for you to attend somewhere which can be a little bit of a formal event.

The lifestyle what will change for you I can see that. Somehow in some way you will get more access to financial abundance through some kind of work what you are doing or you about to do and it will help you to elevate your life.

So If your money is looks good in the bank right now 🏧 than for you it's much more about how you are seeing yourself and what you are allowing.

Very self-love oriented your reading which is very good. You will feel more that you would like to treat yourself more and also your pets. I don't know maybe you have a pet already or you will adopt one because you will prefer a fur baby more than being in a connection or having a human baby.

It's like you might going to even decide that you don't want children or you just want to enjoy your single, independent life even forever if this is what you whish for.🥳

It's like you will adjust your own life to your soul and what is aligning with you.

You might going to set more boundaries towards other people and towards yourself even more.😎

It can be that you will be more selfish in a way which can be the: if my cup is full that I might going to share it or not.

Honestly your beautiful energy feels like Samantha from Sex and the City 🌆, if you know you know😉

Also it's genderless. You can be still Samantha even if you are a man, because I am reading the energies!😁✌🏻

This can be that a specific friend group will be significant here for you.😳

So, I think you will be in your A game no matter what and people will see it as well.

Your confidence will be up to the roof in the best possible way.

And if you are considering yourself a very confident person, I am feeling you might going to invest your money into education or upgrading your skills even. Of course you can do it after you gained back your confidence if this way applies for you better.

You might entering into a course to learn something which you always wanted or go back to school to finish what you started. 👏🏻

Something about being very organized in a way how you are spending your time, money and energy and also with who and how much time you are allowing for it.

This will be the time for you when you will create long lasting friendships and meeting with your true soul tribe.🤠 Just like in the Sex and City 🌆. To be honest New York can be significant or that series or the movies.👍🏻

You might want to watch it again or you will do it the first time.

First time can be significant too. It can be you are going to feel that you are so powerful the first time or you will do something which will be that.

Expanding the comfort zone.👀

If you are the type of person who has a hard time to focus, in this chapter of your life it will be very easy for you.

I am going to be honest it's like energetically you are a fresh, new born baby and the world is your oyster, so enjoy it😍🥰

Okay my lovely that was for you!

Thank you for reading it!

Peace!✌🏻 Out! 😎

Bye bye

PS: Check out my other posts as well if you did not see them yet!💋

[sugarpasteltmnt]

wow first of all THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who voted for my silly little story in the AU comp!! seriously you all are so wonderful and sweet and i'm just so happy to be in the comp period 😭🩵

as a big thanks i wanted to tell ya'll i'm working on the next chapter of 'Purgatory Paradise' ( • ̀ω•́ )✧ i'll try my best to have it out within the next week!! (`･ω･´)ゞ here's a sneak peak:

in the meantime, please enjoy this list of some of the references and easter eggs i had put in 'The Neon Void' while writing it! (hehe how many did YOU spot while reading?)

[warning; spoilers ahoy! avoid reading if you haven't finish TNV yet!]

here's a rough list of some of the references I snuck in or jokes i was quite proud of when writing 'The Neon Void' haha!

Houdini 

● silly reference to ‘ooze’ hehe (not so much of an easter egg but more of a bad joke lol)  ● “…What in sweet Marie Curie’s name was that about?” – Marie Curie was a physicist who studied radioactivity, and her research ultimately was used in the creation of the atomic bomb, which uses nuclear fission (aka, atoms splitting apart) (lol get foreshadowed, nerds.) 

The Shrine 

● The Jupiter Jim issue number 84 is a reference to 1984, the year the TMNT comics first came out. 

Mosaic 

● Leo’s hideout is inspired by an episode in the 2003 TMNT, where the fam hides in a water tower when the lair is discovered by the Foot Clan. (And I believe a water tower comes into play in other TMNT iterations, but I wasn’t 1000% sure) 

Marigolds 

● The area where Mikey fights Leo and cuts off his arm is heavily inspired by some of the 2003 sewer layout scenes, with the giant atriums and criss-crossing skywalks over giant areas of water. I loved those designs and wanted to incorporate that. 

Ground Control 

● Another silly joke reference of ‘shellphones’ used in the 2012 series   ● “I doubt it was unimportant considering you made enough to feed the entire New York Dave’s team,” Donnie pressed. He picked up a butterfly, inspecting it, but Mikey knew that he was trying to get to the root of the cause, “What did he say?” – Homage to early concept art of Donnie, where he has a butterfly on his knuckle (look at this cutie)

(BTW i for the life of me CANNOT find the original tweet where this photo was so if you have it let me know!) 

Mad Dog: Haunted 

● Call-back to the Krang carcass you see for 0.2 seconds in the season finale inside of the Crying Titan, which I thought was a really neat detail. 

Strings

● The book excerpt Donnie reads is written by Professor Honeycutt, a referencing the 2003 Professor Honeycut who studied teleportation and invented the teleportal  ● ‘October 28, 20:20’ written on the sticky note Donnie looks at is a reference to the release date of ‘The Last Ronin’ (10/28/2020) ● ‘By Carl Sagan–! It worked! We’ve established contact–!��� – Carl Sagan lead the effort in the creation of the Golden Record aboard the Voyager spacecraft, whos purpose was to send a message to extraterrestrials who might find the spacecraft as it traveled through vast spans of space. Since Donnie was trying to reach Karai and the ancestors from what felt like an impossible distance, it felt fitting. 

Bed and Breakfast 

● ‘He groaned. His brain was pulsing painfully behind his eyes. His whole body was achy. Great Pythagoras, what happened?’ – Pythagoras was a Greek philosopher referred to as the ‘lover of wisdom’ and made numerous mathematical and scientific discoveries, and I felt like Donnie would just generally be a fanboy of him lol.  ● ‘Sweet Friedrich Sertürner was that blood–?!’ – while working on this chapter, i asked my best friend and beta reader for some inventors/scientist names to make into funny Donnie Swears. She suggested Friedrich Sertürner because he invented morphine which is used to treat pain… and she said 'would be funny...considering how much of it they were gonna need by the time things were said and done with the Key/Leo's infection.' (SHE WAS SO REAL FOR THAT LOL)   ● The ‘Void ducking in and out of doorways just to come out of a totally different door’ chase was 100000% a Scooby-doo reference, lol. It was one of my fav cartoons growing up and that gag felt very on-brand for Leo’s silly ‘Void’ persona and i’m a little proud of it hahaha 

The Deal 

“Neon Void was literally blasted into the air. All the while laughing merrily as he soared. He went crashing into a poor, unkept, unsuspecting billboard for the Super Slam Hockey Game that already happened over ten years ago.” – This is SO obscure but this is a reference to one of my favorite 2003 TMNT episodes, ‘The Golden Puck’. The episode is so peak 2000’s cartoon to me with its silly premise and I just loved it LOL. (Southern millionaire who hires sci-fi-technology cowboy bounty hunters to steal a sports trophy in the middle of New York city? Peak old cartoon synopsis.) 

Rap Battle 

● The first few lines of Leo’s freestyle rap are the 2012 TMNT opening theme lyrics 

Boop!

● Leo runs past a ‘Space Heroes' game cabinet– Space Heroes is a reference to the 2012 TMNT, which was the show that Leonardo was obsessed with 

Tag Part I: Sonic 

● Leo bounces off the back of the Sonic the Hedgehog balloon in the parade in reference to the fact that they share the same voice actor LOL Extra fun fact this entire fic was set in autumn/fall JUST to write this NICHE SCENE

I’m sure I missed a few I couldn't remember off the top of my head, but I had a lot of fun putting these little references and easter eggs in the story 🩵 TMNT itself always makes call-backs and references to it's other iterations, and i love love love that and wanted to try myself!

[moon-ttokki-x]

oh my god I’m stupid I requested 8, 9, and 39 for the SKZ prompt list but I forgot to ask for which member. Bangchan pretty please 🥺👉👈

hihi this took so long sorry >< . . . this is a lot more angsty than anticipated but i hope it works. i wrote it a little differently that i normally would, but here you go, love~~

stupidly perfect - (best friend!bang chan x reader)

pairing: bang chan x reader

summary: chan has never noticed how you feel for him, and one fateful evening, you let it all spill.

genre: angsty as hell, idol!au, reader lowkey enters their villain era, mentions of eating and drinking, overexcited maknaes, chan is kinda oblivious in this fic ngl, supportive felix, itzy mentions (yeji, ryujin, chaeryoung if that counts ig), this is super sad tbh

a/n: this took a while tbh . . . div by @ferretmilkshakezzz

⛓️ prompts: 8. "Take your time. I'm not going anywhere." / 9. "You can rest now." / 39. "I can't keep pretending I'm fine."

skz masterlist | skz prompt list

"Y/n, do you wanna come to that ramen restaurant with us later?" Jisung tugs at your arm, skipping alongside you. "We've been wanting to go for ages, and we all finally have schedules off tonight."

"Yeah, come with us," Jeongin adds. "It'll be fun."

The maknaes are tagging all around you as you walk down the hallway, trying your best to keep a hold on all the papers you're carrying. It's difficult when they're fluttering around you like overexcited birds.

You'd taken the job at JYPE around four months ago; it was decided after a very long period of doubting and worrying that it wouldn't work out after what happened at your last workplace. But your best friend, Chan, had been super supportive throughout the whole thing, even offering to help you move into your little apartment down the road from the company. He'd brought some of his friends to help with the heavy lifting, and from there, you'd pretty much been adopted into the group he'd formed and was the leader of.

Not like you had a choice in the first place.

But you didn't mind; you'd been worried partly because of the fact that you wouldn't have any friends when you'd moved to this part of Korea; Chan had managed to inadvertently solve that issue without trying. Now, the four excitable boys skipped and bickered around you as you set down the papers on your office desk. Wiping the minimal sweat from your forehead, you sighed and pried Seungmin away from the trinkets neatly lining your bookshelf.

"Who else is going?" You ask as Jisung whines about you coming to the restaurant for the umpteenth time.

Seungmin shrugs, interrupting his friend. "All of the members, you, and a couple of the girls from our dance crew."

You feel your heart sink just as your brain tells you to agree; it's been ages since you went out with the guys, and you honestly couldn't wait for a break. Work was always stressful around comeback season, but you'd all settled into the rhythm of it soon enough. Spending an evening out with eight of your best friends eating some soul food sounded like a good idea. A better idea than spending the evening on the couch in your apartment, eating ice cream in complete silence. Alone.

You bite your lip, anticipating. "Which of the dance crew girls?"

Jeongin shrugs from the sofa, swinging his legs over a disgusted Seungmin's lap as he lounges back. "The usuals; Yeji, Ryujin, Young-hee, and Chae. Why?"

"No reason," you say, turning back to the bookshelf to unnecessarily reorganise something, fiddling with the solid fabric spine of one of your books. "I'll let you know if I'm coming. Now, clear out."

Your last comment doesn't bother the maknaes at all; they know you don't like your office being messed up, so they call goodbyes, and Jisung sneakily pokes your side as he filters out the door. Felix, however, remains.

You try to ignore the sinking feeling in your chest and keep a neutral expression as you turn the dark-haired boy. He looks so different from his usual blonde-haired countenance; however, no less beautiful, and not for the first time do you hold yourself back from carding your fingers affectionately through his hair.

You exhale. "Do you need something, Lix?"

He sits down on your chair, swinging it backwards and leaning his forearms across the back. An air of resignation flows around him. "You're not coming tonight, are you?"

You bite your lip. "I'll see."

His voice is quiet. "You've said that since Chae started hanging around us. Is it because of her?"

You scoff, dropping a pen. "No. Why would you think that?"

Felix leans forward on the chair, nosy. "It is because of her, isn't it? Do you not like her? Is it because of Chan-hyung?"

You whip around to face him, exasperated. The explanation bubbles out of you like molten lava from a temperamental volcano. "Okay, fine! I just- I can't stand seeing her around him. They're so close, and they always seem so wrapped up in each other-"

You cut yourself off then, not wanting to say anything you might regret. Chae is nice enough; she's never done anything explicitly hurtful towards you, though you secretly have suspicions that she doesn't like you at all. But you stay quiet, trying to dissipate the rising frustration blooming in your chest.

Felix is quiet.

You know he knows; he's known for ages about your little crush on his leader. You were afraid to tell him, once upon a time; but all you got in response from the affectionate chicken boy was a hushed giggle and a gentle encouragement to tell Chan how you feel. He hasn't told anyone else about your feelings, and you know he would continue to keep his mouth shut. But you wish, even just a little, that someone else would notice and find a way to get Chae away from your best friend.

"No wonder she likes him too," you say quietly to yourself, sinking into your office chair.

And it isn't a wonder, really. Chan is sweet, and gentle, and kind, and so, so, supportive and admirable. There's not a single flaw about him, except perhaps his slight dislike towards himself and his irritation when it comes to those soft, dark curls that frame his perfect face so perfectly-

You shake yourself out of it. Felix is still looking at you quietly, his head tilted in thought.

"You do know," he says carefully, "that you're closer with Chan that Chae is?"

"But still," you groan. "He always seems so much happier around her, and he always only talks to her when you all go out-"

"How would you know?" Felix cries, throwing his hands up. "You're not even there half the time, and Chan only talks to her because you're not there for him to talk to. He has to settle for her because he's fed up of us, and he's not close with Yeji, Ryujin, or Young-hee."

You sigh and hop up onto the desk, swinging your legs over the side. "I just can't stand it, Lix. Seeing them together..."

His expression softens. "I know, Y/n, and I know how frustrated you get when they're all over each other, but you have to at least try. Come with us. If not for him, then for us. We miss you."

"I'm right here."

Felix sighs softly. "That's not what I meant."

You rub two fingers along the bridge of your nose, trying to think straight. You can't get the images out of your mind; Chan and Chae giggling to each other, her touching his arm, him reciprocating the affection... no one said it would hurt this bad when you watch your best friend fall for someone else.

No one said it would hurt this much when you realise that you're in love with said best friend either.

"I can't keep pretending I'm fine," you say, so softly you're not sure Felix hears it. But he does.

"Then don't pretend," he urges gently. "Get him to fall for you. You're halfway there already, I'm pretty sure. But it's not gonna happen if you're always at a distance from him."

He has a point, you think. But, being as stubborn as you are, there's still that nagging doubt in the back of your mind that Chan will never feel the same way that you do, whether you're with him or not-

"Y/n," Felix says, a little more firmly.

You know exactly what he's thinking; sighing, and then bending down to pick up the pen you dropped earlier, you slot it back into the holder on the desk.

"Fine," you say quietly, trying and failing to hide the tiny smile twitching at the corners of your mouth. "I'll come."

Felix lets out a whoop.

.

You pull your jacket a little closer around yourself as you head round the corner, the evening wind whipping your hair into a state of extreme disarray. Sighing and then spluttering as you pull strands of it out of your mouth and eyes, you duck around people and head to the restaurant, its warm, golden light drawing you in like a moth to a flame.

You're not late, so to speak; you spot the group sitting at a large corner booth with comfy seats, mingling and chattering, and you notice Felix immediately. His face lights up when he sees you, half with relief and half with something else you can't quite decipher. He makes to get up before you're almost tackled to the floor by Jisung and Jeongin, who are pretty much hollering at the top of their lungs.

Minho shushes them insistently as he tugs them off you, bowing before shoving both maknaes back into their seats.

"Y/n," Jeongin says happily. "We didn't think you'd come."

You chuckle awkwardly and settle into the spot next to Felix, trying not to look around for Chan like you always do. "Yeah, I needed a break. Besides, you two would have come for my throat if I turned the invitation down one more time."

"Damn right," Jisung interjects, all three of you dissolving into giggles.

You look around then; not everyone is here. Hyunjin and Yeji are still missing, both Hwangs late as per usual, and you know Changbin will come by a little later, having decided to work out before treating himself for the evening. You make a mental note to stick to your work ethic as well as he does, but it's interrupted by the familiar tone of someone speaking your name.

"You look nice, Y/n," Chan says from next to Felix, who is sitting in between both of you.

Chae is sitting next to Chan, you notice with some sadness and displeasure; her long, pinky-blonde hair is straight and neat, long acrylic nails coming up to brush strands of it off her perfect porcelain cheeks, flushed with the cold. At least, you hope it's the cold and not the effect of Chan's probably flirting before you arrived.

Despite the indignance rising in your stomach, you can't help but notice how Chan looks tonight; his hair is slightly damp from the chilly weather outside, the adorably messy strands of it curling against his temples and nape. His eyes are crescents as he gazes into yours, and you fight the urge to reach over and wipe the faint remainder of strawberry milk off the curve of his plush bottom lip.

You know exactly where he'd bought the little drink carton of it from; there's a vending machine just down the street, one that the boys always buy drinks from before eating out. It was their tradition, and one that you gladly partook in, that is before you became too shy to be around the boys.

Because of Chan and his stupid perfectness.

You suddenly come back down to earth and realise that Chan is still gazing at you; Chae is laughing obnoxiously loud in the background behind him, no doubt to recapture his attention, but all you can focus on is the fact that you're locking eyes with the most beautiful person on earth. And also the fact that you haven't replied to his little indirect compliment, so you just nod and turn back to the table to fiddle with the menu in front of you.

Felix exhales discreetly and you fight a grin, watching as he unpeels himself from the corner of the table. He'd been bending over it so you could lean back to talk to Chan, and he pokes you affectionately in the side as you thank him quietly, clearing your throat in an attempt to get rid of the flush painting your cheeks.

"Could've warned me about how pretty he looks," you mutter to Felix under your breath. He just chuckles and touches your knee as everyone begins to order.

The food arrives just as Hyunjin, Yeji, and Changbin make their dramatically late entrance; they clatter noisily into their seats, and you bump fists with Yeji just as everyone begins to dig in.

There's brief silence as everyone begins to fill their stomachs with soul food, and then the chatter eventually rises again as the members turn to each other to bicker and laugh. You almost snort a noodle out of your mouth as you watch Hyunjin take a hairclip out of his bag to clip his hair back, before realising it's not there. Seungmin, sitting next to him, runs his hand through the boy's kiwi-like hair before turning back to his ramen.

You almost start to enjoy yourself, but there's still that lingering tension that you feel rests in the air between you and Chan; if anyone else has noticed it, they're not saying anything. Felix, noticing your quietness, tries to fill the space between you with small talk and jokes, but it doesn't seem to help. Once or twice, he even brings Chan into the conversation in a bid to try and get you two to converse, but Chae interjects more and more frequently until you quietly tell Felix to stop.

You feel bad because of it; you know he's just trying to help, but it isn't working. And it's beginning to make you feel worse, the fact that it seems not even the dark-haired sunshine boy can get his leader to try and talk to you. And you realise, all of a sudden, that maybe it's not Chan that's the problem.

There are two possible reasons that Chan doesn't seem to want to talk to you; you thought maybe he would talk more with you tonight, considering it's been so long since you've been out with them, but you're crestfallen as you realise that not more than a few words have been exchanged between the two of you tonight.

And it strangely breaks your heart.

The other reason is that Chae might have been badmouthing you behind your back to Chan, or it could be because of the fact that Chan genuinely likes her. You're not sure, but that belief is confirmed as you look across to see Chan holding out his chopsticks to her, bringing a piece of tempura to her perfect, pink lips.

Watching in horror and completely forgetting about the cooling ramen in front of you, you watch as Chae accepts the tempura with a little giggle, batting her lashes at Chan as he reaches up to wipe a crumb off her lip. The sight is so equally disgusting and upsetting that you immediately stand up, moving out of the booth as tears blur your eyes.

"Where are you going?" Jisung calls after you, Felix looking up from his food.

"Bathroom," you call over your shoulder, your voice surprisingly strong considering the fact that tears and beginning to stream down your cheeks.

Not wanting to make a fuss or arouse suspicion from the group, you do actually head to the bathrooms, locking the cubicle door behind you and sinking down against the door. You couldn't care less if it's dirty right now, the only thought in your head the mental image of your best friend and Chae giggling and flirting all over each other, blissfully unaware of your misery.

It's not fair.

"Maybe it's me," you whisper to yourself, sniffling as you rip off a piece of toilet paper, scrubbing at your face. You feel so pathetic and unworthy; what kind of person hides out in the bathroom crying over a guy who probably doesn't even care about them?

Standing up and checking you have your phone and wallet, you sigh as you feel the weight of them in your pockets. Good. You can just leave without having to go back to the table. The last thing you want right now is to talk to anyone, or have to put up a fake cheerful front.

Heading to the back of the restaurant, the once-inviting golden lights now feeling like a spotlight, you emerge out into the street, the cold wind soothing the hot, sticky tear irritation on your cheeks. You head to the parking garage down the street and try to walk as quickly as you can past the opening of the ramen restaurant, lest any of the group notice you walking away.

And they don't, not least until you cross the street and head down the dimly light footpath.

Someone grabs your wrist suddenly and you cry out, whipping your head back so fast to see who it is you think you might have whiplash.

Chan is standing there, his hand solid and warm around your wrist, the wind ruffling his dark hair back from his bare face. You can see the glint of his silver earrings under the streetlights.

"Wait," he pants. "Where are you going?"

You can't fight the hot, wet tear rolling down your cheek and inwardly curse it for escaping. "Home."

"Why?" He asks, concern and worry painting his expression. "Are you not feeling well?"

You fight the urge to slap him; it wouldn't be fair, however much you want to do it. He just doesn't understand. He doesn't understand any of it. And you want nothing more to run into his arms and spill all your thoughts and feelings like you have so many times before, but you can't.

Not this time.

You can't tell Chan that you've loved him since who knows how long; that seeing him makes your heart feel lighter, the way a high schooler might feel seeing their crush in the sunny hallways. You can't tell him how many times you styled your hair to look a little like his, hoping the curls that make him look so handsome might make you a little more attractive too. You can't tell him how many times you ran late for schedules just because you took a detour to his studio to talk with him, even if it was just for a minute.

Even if all of it was a waste in the end. Because he likes someone else, and that someone else isn't you.

So you just shake your head as the tears come streaming down, and rip your wrist out of his grip before turning and walking away. The earth feels like it's shattering around you.

Or maybe that's just your heart.

But Chan doesn't give up; you hear his footsteps continue behind you, hurried and irregular, like he's trying to decide whether to let you go or make you stay.

"Y/n," he pants. "Wait, just- will you stop walking so fast? Please, wait, slow down- What's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong!" You cry out, turning to face him as you throw your hands up. A sob rips through your lungs, face contorting with the force of your tears. "Okay? Everything's wrong."

Chan is silent, one hand out in an unsteady attempt to calm you. "What are you talking about? You're worrying me."

You scoff and kick a stone across the footpath, harshly rubbing a hand across your cheekbone.

"Y/n, please," he pleads, his voice quieter. "Felix noticed you were gone for too long earlier, and I saw you walking out of the restaurant. Please, tell me what's wrong. You look so upset."

"Then stop looking."

He recoils, looking slightly hurt, before it's overtaken by a look of determination. You know that look; it either results in an all-nighter to finish a song track, an attempt to wrangle seven naughty kids, or a hard-to-have conversation. You know it's the last one.

"Please," he says, even quieter. "Tell me what's wrong. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

"It's you," you say, broken with utter resignation.

He takes a step forward. "What?"

"It's you," you repeat, looking away as another hysterical sob brings the wind inside your body. It's sharp and biting, and it brings back some of your courage. But only some.

You raise your eyes to look at him. Maybe this is the last conversation you'll have with Chan, before he decides he doesn't want to be around someone who's in a one-way love story with him. Even if that person is his best friend.

"You don't realise, do you?" You whisper brokenly. "You never realised I was in love with you, Chan. But that's just who you are. You may be kind and compassionate and intuitive, but you never realised why I do what I do, or why I act the way I act around you."

His face is contorted in utter disbelief; whether it's from shock or disgust, you don't want to know.

"I realised around the time you helped me move in," you continue. Might as well get all of it out now. "I looked at you differently after a while. I didn't see my best friend anymore. I saw someone else, someone stronger and more clever and more dedicated and more perfect and flawless. And it was strange, because I realised that you changed so much. Maybe I changed too, but it was different seeing you walking around at the company and going about your schedules, because I felt different about it all. I felt different about you. And I couldn't let it go, not least when we actually talked. I used to be late for most of my meetings and events because I would take detours to see you. Some days I would think about canceling my schedules just so I could be around you more.

"And I love the boys, I do, Chan. So much. But I have to admit, I wouldn't be around them half as much if you weren't there. I felt so drawn to you, not like the way I did when we were friends. I figured that if I didn't want to lose you, I would have to discipline myself. So I did.

"I threw myself into my work; I gave myself so much to do, partially to distract myself, partially to use work as an excuse whenever I was invited out, like tonight. Just because I knew you would be there, and I didn't want to end up spilling it all to you, because I knew it would ruin everything between us. Forever.

"And when Chae started hanging around us, I didn't mind at first; I sort of liked her. But I started hating her because of how close she would get to you, how much you two would secretly talk between yourselves, and it made me upset. So I ended up spending much more time by myself so that I would be able to forget she existed. So that I could forget that she ever entered the picture, and that it was just me and my secret that I kept from you. For so long, Chan. You have no idea how much I had to hold myself back from you.

"Did you assume that I never wanted to go out with you guys? That I never wanted to buy drinks from that vending machine the members always go to before eating out, or that I didn't want to spend time with you? Because I did, Chan. But I forced myself not to, because I couldn't bear to see you, and most of the time I didn't know if Chae was going to be there. I told myself I wasn't going to sit there and watch you be with her, not while I felt so invisible and unseen around you.

"Let me tell you something, Chan," you choke through sobs at him, pointing a finger at his chest as though it were a gun. "Every time Jisung or Jeongin or one of the boys invited me out, I did actually show up. Even if you never saw me. I would watch from a distance to see if Chae was with you; if she was, I would turn around and leave, and go home. If not, I would smile from around the corner as the maknaes begged you for money to buy drinks from that vending machine. And then I would turn around and go home anyway.

"I know every single one of their preferences; even if you didn't know I was there to observe them bickering and choosing, faces lit by streetlight. I would go around to the vending machines at the company and randomly buy their favourites for them, even if you didn't know how I knew. I would buy them for you too, and debate leaving a little note for you telling you how I felt alongside it, and I never did.

"Because, despite all of that, it was all a waste," you snap at him. You're not sure why you're angry; you suppose it's the result of feeling unheard for so long. "It was a waste, Chan. Because you never even noticed how I felt. So don't come chasing after me in the night like this like you care, because it was Felix who told you to come after me, Felix who noticed I had been gone for too long, not you of your own accord. And don't look worried or concerned either, because I've told you what's wrong, Chan, just as you asked. You can rest now."

You can barely see him through the blur of your tears.

"Y/n," he whispers, broken as you feel. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't care," you cry out at him, turning and storming in the other direction. And this time, he doesn't follow, still standing under the streetlight with his hand out, though you're not there to take it.

You sob bitterly as you almost flee around the corner, breaking out into a full-on run, like sprinting can fix the problem, fix your heart and your tears. It doesn't, however, and you feel worse as you bolt pass the crossing light, not caring about its colour. Later you will realise that running with blurry vision and a hysterical, heartbroken mindset was not the wisest idea.

You don't see the car speeding towards you until it's too late.

a/n: *laughs in writer*

[breadnaan]

I would like to reiterate this point a little more strongly, and tie it back into one of the Great Big Lies of capitalism:

"Capitalism drives innovation"

I'm sure this is something we've all heard repeated hundreds of times, because this is one of the fundamental pillars of what I call the "brochure/sales pitch" description of capitalism. The argument always goes something like, "sure a more equitable society might be nice, but progress requires the ruthless competition of the free market to push the state of the art forward. Without the profit motive as incentive, no one would be rewarded for innovation! Sure capitalism has its faults, but it's the best system that we have and has advanced humanity tremendously!

Except none of that is true. Because the market provides zero incentive to innovate.

Let's look at the actual economics behind this claim. Say that I have a fantastic idea to either make a new product, improve an existing product, or to use resources more efficiently. I will still need to invest time and resources into developing and testing this idea to make it ready for market. The moment that I launch and reveal my new and improved product/process what will happen is all of my competitors in that market will see my work and think, "That's a great idea, I will do the same thing."

And that is the "intended" way for markets to work in the brochure version of capitalism. Competition is supposed to force competitors to adapt to the state of the art in their industry in order to remain competitive, so that the end consumer benefits from the competition by having access to "the best quality products possible at the best possible prices," which is another one of the bullet points on the brochure.

But this comes into conflict with capitalism incentivizing innovation, because as you might have noticed there was no incentive for me to be the one to innovate. In this scenario, I put time and resources into an idea that all of my competitors got for free once I entered the market with the fruits of that labor. Not only do I receive no competitive advantage for my innovation, but I'm actually coming out behind because I had to spend time and resources that my competitors did not need to spend in order to match my efforts.

If we want this hypothetical to be a little more realistic, there will be a brief period of time where my innovation gives me an advantage while I'm waiting for my competitors to "catch up to me," either because they need time to reverse engineer what I've done or because my innovation requires them to update/replace/modernize their tools and practices which takes some amount of time. But for any significantly impactful advancement which requires a meaningful investment of resources and months to years of research & development time, this brief window of small competitive advantage is no where near enough incentive for any business to invest in an idea that might not even pay out.

And this is where Intellectual property law enters the picture. IP law is a band aid on this whole mess that says "We know that the market is actually a uniquely terrible vehicle for rewarding and incentivizing intellectual work. We will solve this problem by granting temporary monopolies for products brought to market that utilize novel intellectual work."

Which, is incredibly wild for a number of reasons that have already been brought up on this post. I will assert that this is the "solution" provided for this problem because it is the solution that is valuable for capitalists. It effectively transforms intellectual work into property/capital that can be owned, complete with a publicly funded police state to enforce that ownership on behalf of the capitalist class. Both of these things are incredibly valuable for the economic class of people whose income is a function of the rent they are able to extract from the capital they own, and this legal framework allows intellectual work to simply be another thing that they can own and extract passive income from.

And ultimately, it "works" as a solution to incentivize innovation and intellectual work, because monopolization is incredibly profitable. But it is not "the market" that is providing that incentive, it is the publicly funded massive police state enforcing your monopoly that is providing that incentive.

Which, at that point, if we require public funding to make this entire thing function, why not just use that public funding to just pay people to do intellectual work and allow the public to enjoy the benefits of the thing that they are paying for?

And in fact, we already often do this. Because while this IP law band aid is somewhat effective, its scope is limited to only incentivizing intellectual work that can ultimately contribute to the creation of a product that can be brought to market. And "products that can be brought to market" is only a tiny slice of the things we care about when we're talking about innovation and intellectual work that contributes to the advancement of humanity. Even with IP law, capitalism contributes very little to the advancement of humanity. The things that we decide are priorities are prioritized using public funds, even in capitalist society. When the US was embarrassingly behind the Soviets in the Space Race, they didn't leave the shuttle program in the incapable hands of the market. Nor could they, because what consumer market exists for a lunar landing shuttle? In order to keep up, the US was required to create agencies to use their funds to simply pay people to do the intellectual work that a space program required, which is the same model most meaningful advancements follow.

And that doesn't even get into all the ways that IP laws hinder progress and innovation, from preventing people from iterating on previous work, to patent trolling, to abandoned but still protected works, and so on.

The only real accomplishment of IP law is giving capitalists another frontier of pseudo-property to accumulate and collect rents from.

patents are so fucking evil though. you can patent game mechanics and limit the kinds of games people are legally able to make. you can patent medicine to be the sole producer of that medicine. you can patent fucking, crops to ask a premium on specific variations of crops. it's so fucked

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: february 2025

I can't believe that with all the bullshit nonsense of this year I've managed to read ten book a month for two months in a row. it's not on purpose but it's crazy that it's happened twice!

what have I been reading?

The Art of Frugal Hedonism: A Guide to Spending Less While Enjoying Everything More (Annie Raser-Rowland w/ Adam Grubb, 2017; audiobook read by Alice Ansara, 2024) - this was my first audiobook, and it was a doozy. the short version is that this book sucked and made me so, so mad. I really hoped to have my scathing haterade-fueled review up on patreon by now so that I could link it, but that hasn't panned out because I just have too much to say about these out of touch cunts offering the world's least qualified financial advice. "just take a leisurely twelve hour hike to a train station instead of going on vacation" kill yourself!!!

The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality (Amanda Montell, 2024) - I quite liked Montell's previous book, Cultish, but unfortunately I fear Magical Overthinking was a bit of a flop for me. I can't help but feel that the ideal target demographic is extremely anxious women in their teens and early 20s who need a compassionate explanation of why they should spend less time on Twitter and TikTok, and I'm afraid that shrimply isn't me.

The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World (Robin Wall Kimmerer, 2024; audiobook read by the author) - this was, unintentionally, a lovely little counterpoint to Frugal Hedonism. where Raser-Rowland and Grubb focus deeply on individual consumption habits and have a bad penchant of commodifying human interaction, Potawatomi botanist Kimmerer emphasizes the need for structural environmental change that can come by embracing Indigenous models of viewing the earth and its resources as members of crucial members of the family deserving of respect. a thoughtful and lovely balm to the bullshit!

My Year of Rest and Relaxation (Ottessa Moshfegh, 2018) - a book about the original queen of giving us nothing, as our protagonist goes to increasingly drastic lengths to spend as much time as possible asleep and disengaged from anything more complicated than acquiring more prescription pills. what can I say? I love books about miserable rich white women rotting in their own self-absorption.

Don't Want You Like a Best Friend (Emma R. Alban, 2024) - this was my patreonites' pick for my romance novel of the month, and I'll admit I went in nervous - historical romance novels are often not my thing, and the Taylor Swift lyric for the title was a red flag. but you know what? this was a romp. I was entertained. dare I say I was even charmed. sure, it falls into the common historical queer romance pitfall of emphasizing the vague threat of period-typical homophobia while assuring us that every important character just so happens to be startlingly cool with homosexuality, but whatever - I didn't come here to see these girls get hatecrimed by their own parents, alright? I wasn't planning to read the sequel, but it turns out it's a VERY direct follow up where the girls from this book hatch an INSANE plan to (SPOILER ALERT) get their male cousins to fall in gay love so that they can lavender marry each other's cousins and live happily ever after. INSANE! I love it here.

Dawn (Octavia E. Butler, 1987) - on the one hand, I'm a little heartbroken. this marks the beginning of the last of Butler's series that I haven't read; after Adulthood Rites and Imago, I'll have read everything she published in her too-short life, with no new works to look forward to ever again. but on the other hand: MAN, am I glad I saved this one for last. this book has it all: humanity's near-extinction. aliens. psychic tentacle threesomes. maybe the biggest L that any of Butler's heroines ever took. it's wild out here! cannot wait to see where we're going with this.

Iron Widow (Xiran Jay Zhao, 2021) - this was a reread to prep for the sequel, Heavenly Tyrant, which came out in December, and MAN am I glad I decided to check back in with the first book. I really thought I remembered the broad strokes of the plot well enough, but I really did not remember just how blood-spittingly bugfuck viscous Zetian and her two boyfriends are. of the three people in this throuple, the nicest one is the guy who murdered his brothers and dad in cold blood. and I think that's awesome! cannot wait to see what these absolute freaks are up to now, and my hold cannot come into the library quickly enough.

Pardon My Frenchie (Farrah Rochon, 2024) - okay. listen. on paper I shouldn't like this book. the male love interest is boring at best and a full-blown shithead at worst. the biggest driver of the plot is the love interests' dogs going crazy levels of viral. the sex is minimal and nothing to write home about. and yet. AND YET. our female lead, Ashanti, is simply so charming and earnest and plucky that I adored her immediately. girl lost both her parents on the same day, had to drop out of veterinary school to raise her twin younger sisters, and is struggling to run the world's most plush doggy day care AND run a successful side business selling homemade dog biscuits. truly I just want anything to go right for her, ever. she's never even been eaten out prior to this book, and that makes me so, SO sad for her. I may not like her boyfriend, but at least he'll get her off, and that counts for something. overall, it's Ashanti's storyline about learning how to prioritize what's important to her and let some obligations go instead of clinging madly to everything that really got me through and won me over. plus, this book bypassed by usual kneejerk dislike of obnoxiously cutesy plot device pets in romance novels by making the dogs actually completely integral to the story and the characters - Ashanti is hugely defined by her adoration of every dog she meets - in a way that I really enjoy. will I read the upcoming sequel, Pugs and Kisses? fuck it. maybe.

White Feminism: From the Suffragettes to Influencers and Who They Leave Behind (Koa Beck, 2019) - Beck's book falls in a really sweet spot of building very well on a lot of feminism 101 to actually meaningfully discuss new concepts without being redundant. okay, yes, you've heard "white feminism" is bad, but do you know why? Beck has some of the most well laid-out explanations I've ever encountered, thoroughly detailing the ways in which white feminism reject collectivist anti-capitalist action in favor of individual advancement within the status quo. plus there is, as promised, a great historical throughline, contrasting the actions of historical middle and upper class white feminists against those of actions largely headed up by women who are Black, brown, Jewish, and/or immigrants who served entire communities. the takedown of "lean in" office girlboss culture is particularly killer.

Acts of Service (Lillian Fishman, 2022) - a short novel, ideal for reading in a couple hours if you love mess and happen to be trapped in various airports and flights with not much else to do! I was expecting another entry in the obnoxiously disaffected young woman genre and was pleasantly surprised by how curious and engaged our protagonist, Eve, actually is! much like Edie of Luster, I think she's gonna be alright once this deranged throuple situation blows over. ultimately I don't know if the conclusion of the novel hit for me as well as Luster did, and when I got to the end of the book I did kind of find myself going damn... and what was the point of all that? I have no idea, but it was well-crafted and I'm glad that I didn't read this like six months ago because it probably would have killed me with toxic horny poisoning at that point in my life. I'm normal now.

[littlxpxtal]

I wish I never met you

TYRANTS || STORY MASTERLIST

PAIRING: rafe cameron x fem!reader

WARNINGS: MDNI 18+ Content, swearing, sexual content, drug and alcohol use, violence

WORD COUNT: 2.5k

Mixing liquor and pot

Heard your brain cells can rot

If my memory was shot

I would like that a lot

I wish I could forget you

May

It was all a blur. The whole day. Zipping up my gown, putting the bobby-pins in my hair to situate the cap on my head.

I wish I could say graduation was the best day of my life, but I barely remember any of it. My name rumbled through the field, my legs moving without a thought. I moved my lips up on my face for the picture, shook hands with faculty that I had never seen or spoken to in my entire life.

The dinner with my parents was bland. They went on and on about college, asking me questions about what I decided to study. I don’t even remember the answer I gave.

I didn’t come to reality until the third time my phone rang while I laid on the edge of my bed, head hanging off the edge with my eye closed, a random record playing on my turntable was at the end and a soft humming noise filled the room.

I decided to finally check who it was, and to no surprise it was Sabrina.

“Hi” I mumbled into the phone, flipping over onto my stomach, one hand barely holding up the phone while the other dangled towards the ground.

”You done with family shit yet?”

”yes.” I answered simply, closing my eyes.

“Well I know you’re out feeling the best but, I really think you should come with me tonight.”

I groaned into my sheets.

“Sab” I whispered, my voice shaking.

“You can’t let this take over your life, y/n. We only graduate high school once.”

her positivity sickened me. I knew she was right. I didnt want her to be.

“Sab its the same shit we’ve been doing all year, what is different about tonight?”

“Well there’s no risk of expulsion”

”hah” it was her turn to groan in response.

“Y/N, im spending the whole summer abroad and I leave next week. I seriously need you to do this for me.”

”you cant pull that shit on me Sabrina its not fair.”

”but its true, y/n. You’re my best friends and I need you. You were a fucking zombie today. Snap out of it.”

there was a period of silence. I sat up in my bed and turned the lamp on.

“Well, what should I wear?” I can tell she tried to hide it, but I could hear her squeal on the other line.

“Cute top and a skirt.”

”I can make that work”

”fuck YA THERE SHE IS” she cheers into the phone. “I’ll pick you up in 15.”

We arrived to see the beach was already filled up, party in full swing. Sabrina gave me a reassuring look before we walked towards them.

”Let’s get some drinks. You deserve one” she says to me. I nod my head, following her lead.

We make our way over to the nearest keg, taking one of the many cups the boys were passing out.

“Grab me two” I whisper in her ear. She smiles wide and winks.

”That’s what im talking about.”

I chugged the first cup,passing it back to the kid who was pouring them out, he filled it back up and we walked with our cups to the dance floor.

“You gonna double fist all night?” Sabrina asks over the music.

”that’s the plan” I mumble back. The speakers are booming a new Metro Boomin song, and we make our way to the group of girls that are dancing.

I lose track of time, and snap back into reality when I notice Sabrina furiously texting on her phone.

“What’s up?” I ask. She hesitantly looks up, and locks her phone, sliding it back into her purse.

“Nothing, just, Toppers here. But, he’s with … his friends. So im just gonna stay here for a bit.” She awkwardly looks away, makes eye contact, then looks away.

“Sab, its okay, I would be an idiot to think he wouldn’t be here, especially with your boyfriend. Go say hi.” I give her shoulder a nudge and she shakes her head.

“No, im here with you.”

”im serious Sab.”

”just one more song. Who knows how long he’ll keep me on his arm if I go now.”

”you know I can fend for myself.” Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift starts playing on the speakers and Sabrina jumps up and down.

”I know, but I LOVE this song”

She starts leading us to the middle of the circle, and we sing to each other, as if we were the only two people on the beach. By the time the song is over, were doubled over laughing,our drinks spilt all over the sand.

“Im gonna go get another drink, you go say hi to topper okay?” She frowns and reaches for my hand.

”Fine, but I’ll be right back okay?” I roll my eyes.

”I told you I’ll be fine. Just go okay?” She smiles and skips away. I watch her walk over to the other side of the crowd, where a group of guys are standing, including Topper, Kelce, and, well of course, Rafe.

I notice everyone’s in conversation, expect for him. He’s just sipping from his cup, staring out into the sea.

I catch myself staring for too long, and realize i'm still in the middle of the dance circle, with two empty cups. I look around for the nearest keg and walk slowly over.

I made empty conversation with the girls standing around the keg while waiting in line, checking my phone every so often. The DJ continues to play songs I like, including pursuit of happiness, collard greens, Roll in Peace and more.

I find myself tipsy, dancing by myself in the sea of people. By the time I finally looked at my phone again, it had been an hour and I had a text from Sabrina.

were fuckin in my car really quick lol I’ll be right back.

that was from 5 minutes ago, so I probably wouldn’t see her for at least another half an hour.

I was tired of dancing, so I started walking towards the edge of the party, closer to the water.

The temperature outside was perfect. There was a slight breeze, not enough for me to put my hair up, but enough to get a whiff of the sea.

I pulled my phone out to take a picture of the water and the moon, before I heard a shout.

“Fucking BITCH”

I could recognize that voice anywhere. I whip my head to the right and see Rafe and another figure a few yards away.

everything in my mind told me not to go. But my heart was controlling my feet. I walked closer, and realized the other person was Noah.

“You ruined fucking EVERYTHING” Rafe growled.

“I didnt do shit expect tell her the truth man. She’s a dirty fucking shut,all you did was make sure I knew.”

I tensed up, and made eye contact with Noah. He smirked and looked back at rafe.

“Perfect timing, y/n, we were just talking about you!” Noah exclaimed, splashing the liquid in his cup in the air.

Rae whips his head back and stares deep into my eyes.

“Y/n,” he whispers. My body is still tense.

“Wh-whats going on” I ask

”your boyfriend - sorry I mean .. your confusing complicated situation ship over here is harassing me.”

rafe keeps his eyes on me. I cant read his expression, he looks empty.

“Maybe, if you just stayed in your place on the cut, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.” Noah shouts at me.

I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out.

I decide its just best if I leave. I start to walk away and hear Noah chuckling.

“This is all YOUR fault” Rafe yells, lunging at Noah. Noah swings back in defense, and I stop in my tracks.

“STOP” a scream escapes my lips and I run over. Rafe is knocked to the ground scrambling to get back on his feet.Noah kicks him back down, and I hear a sharp click, and notice something in Noah’s hand. The smile on his face is terrifying, and as I get closer I realize its a switchblade.

“My god Noah put that thing away.” I whisper.

“If rafe wants to fight, we can fucking fight.”

He points the blade down at rafe who is still struggling to stand.

“Noah, seriously,” I walk towards him and his eyes flicker towards me, down at rafe and back at me. He points the blade up at me, and I start to shake.

“You’re insane” I whisper, taking a step back.

While he’s distracted, Rafe takes the opportunity to pull Noah’s leg, knocking him to the ground. The blade falls from his grip into the sand, and I lunge to get it. He reaches after it too, our bodies colliding. Rafe pulls him away from me while I grab the knife, and he pins Noah down, punching him straight in the face.

“That’s ENOUGH” I shout at the two of them. They both freeze and look up at me. The knife is dangling from my hand pointed down.

“Noah get the fuck out of here. And don’t EVER pull this shit again. You’re just embarrassing yourself.” He scrambles to his feet, patting the sand off his pants.

“Give me my knife back y/n” he commands. I shake my head.

”I’ll give it to you when you’re sober.”

he looks over at rafe. Something in his face must’ve scared him, because he makes a beeline back to the party.

I walk slowly towards rafe and pass him the knife. He safely closes it and stuffs it in his pocket.

“What’s wrong with you?”

He huffs, brushing sand off himself. He turns to look at the water, and his shoulders slump.

”I wish I knew” he whispered. After a brief moment of silence he turns to me, with sadness in his eyes this time.

“Look, y/n, im really-“

”I don’t want to fucking hear it okay? How many times are you going to put me through this. Like seriously?”

His jaw twitched and he looked down, running a hand over his hair.

“It hurts. It hurts so fucking much to see you hurt” he finally says.

“Then why do you keep hurting me?”

the sound of the waves and music behind us fills the silence.

“I don’t mean to. I just keep fucking up.”

I sigh, unsure of what to say. He takes a step towards me, I flinch slightly, which he notices, and makes him sigh.

“Sometimes I cant tell” I start to say. He looks up at me and takes another step forward.

“Sometimes I cant tell if you like me or hate me” I whisper the last part.

“Neither” his voice cracks slightly, and he looks up at the moon.

“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you, y/n. And I don’t, I don’t just like you, okay? I don’t just like you I fucking-“ he stops himself, his voice getting hoarse. “I fucking love you okay? And its driving me insane.”

I furrow my eyebrows and let out an involuntary laugh.

”the fuck are you talking about Cameron?”

he looks back at me, his face hard and serious.

“I mean, im fucking obsessed with you. I can never get you up of my head, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. You’re always just THERE. All the fucking songs you’ve showed me, all my favorite shows and movies. God even my favorite color. Its just you, and its always been you. It’s fucking terrifying, did you know that?”

”I-I-“ I stammer. He takes a step closer.

“I think about you when is wake up, when I eat breakfast, when I work out, when I do homework, when im smoking, when im drinking, when im high out of my fucking mind, when im sober, when im driving around town. All I see is you. You’re fucking everywhere and I cant get you out of my head.”

”it sounds like you don’t want me there.”

”that’s the problem is I DO. I want you there, I want you with me. And I finally fucking had you, and I just-“ his voice breaks again and he closes his eyes.

“Just don’t know how to keep you.”

”rafe” I whisper, walking towards him to close the distance. “Rafe, why didnt you tell me?”

”god y/n, you don’t even know how hard it is. Im dealing with all this shit in my head, and I wanted to save you from it but you made your way deeper into my life than ever before, and I couldn’t hide you from how fucked up I am. I tied you into this mess, and it’s not good for you.”

”why did you tell Noah that lie about me and JJ?”

”I told him because he was bragging to everyone about taking you out. I was pissed that someone else was going to take you. I was jealous. I didnt think it was going to hurt you the way it did.”

”why didnt you just tell me before he even asked me out. We were seeing each other-“ he cuts me off

”because y/n, its easier for me to do shit like that than it is to express my feelings okay? I cant do this love shit easy alright? It doesn’t come naturally like it does some people. It’s fucking terrifying”

his breathing is ragged, and he starts to clutch his chest.

“It gives me these chest pains like I cant fucking breathe.”

he huffs out, trying to catch his breath. I notice his face is flustered.

”cmon, lets sit” I grabs his hand and pull him down onto the sand,

“its okay just breathe” his pants slow down, and I wrap my arm around his shoulders.

“It’s okay” I whisper again. He leans his head on my chest, and I hear a sob escape his mouth.

“Im so fucking sorry. Im so fucking sorry” he repeats this over and over a few times before going quiet.

”I know you are.” I finally say.

We sit in silence for about 5 minutes before its interrupted.

”Y/N! There you are-“ Sabrina cuts herself off when she sees us, Topper trailing behind her.

“I knew it” I heard him whisper to her.

”well, did you guys kiss and make up” topper slurs. She shoves his chest, letting out a giggle and a hiccup.

“You guys have been boning for hours now”i shoot back at them. Topper lets out a nervous laugh and Sabrina hides her face.

“Well, are you guys going to come join us or?” She asks. Rafe sits up and looks at me

“Can we start over?”

I smile at him, stand up and reach out my hand.

“Rafe?” I whisper, he takes my hand and stands up, his figure looming over me.

“Yes, pretty girl?”

”i Love you too.”

Previous Chapter | Instagram AU

Tags: @ltristessedureratoujours @davinashifts333 @tomholland792

[boreal-sea]

Nothing in my post is actually explicitly Zionist. I didn’t even say whether or not I’m Zionist.

I just said that people might want to check themselves if the idea of lynching Jews gives them pause but the idea of lynching “Zionists” doesn’t.

What is your definition of an ethnostate? What is the cut-off percentage of one race? 60%? 70%? More?

What is the racial makeup of Israel?

How do other countries such as Ireland or China NOT fulfill that definition? Or do you consider China and Ireland to be ethnostates, and thus immoral?

Did you know you’re misinformed about the Ethiopian Jews and you’re spreading antisemitic lies?

Jewish Ethiopian women were offered Depo Provera when in transition camps in Ethiopia on their way to Israel. Others were offered the shots once they reached Israel. Depo Provera is a very helpful form of both control in non-ideal situations for multiple reasons, especially the fact that it lasts several months and lightens your period, both things that would make a difficult journey easier. These were administered by a mix of medical personnel, many of whom weren’t Israelis.

Every single woman who received the shot was able to get pregnant afterwards. That’s a pretty ineffective sterilization attempt if every single one of them got pregnant.

Now it is absolutely true that some of the women who received the injection didn’t know what it was and that is ABSOLUTELY a failure of the system and a failure of communication. But those women did eventually receive the proper information, were able to stop taking it, and those who wanted, got pregnant. Again, this was not a sterilization attempt in any way.

Like. I don’t know if I’m a Zionist or not and I don’t actually use that word because I’m not done with my conversion yet. I also didn’t talk about proportions of anti-Zionists to Zionists in this post, so I’m not sure why you’re accusing me of erasing anyone.

Israel as a state exists. People live there. Forcibly removing people from their homes is wrong. It would be wrong to forcibly remove every American of European descent from the USA, and we’re actually colonizers.

I actually fully support the Palestinian right to return. I think Israel needs to work out some way to accommodate and embrace Palestinians that were forced out during the Nakba. Much like Land-Back in the USA, this should be a peaceful, cooperative thing that doesn’t involve forcibly removing anyone from their homes. Yes, that means it’s probably going to take a long time.

I think the illegal Israeli settlers in the West Bank, however, should absolutely be forcibly removed. In some cases they MURDERED people to steal those homes. It is internationally recognized they are breaking the law. Even Israel admits this. So they need to go, right now.

I think Israel should absolutely pay to rebuild Gaza. They should house Palestinian refugees until the process is complete.

I don’t know what the best step forward is for the peace process right now. Both sides want impossible things from each other.

None of that is going to happen while Trump is in power, unfortunately.

The moment for thinking “what would I have done in Germany before and during Hitler’s reign” is over. Look back over the past two years. What did you do? What did you think and feel?

Did your opinion about Jews change?

If you went from supporting all Jews to thinking that a least some Jews, (namely “Zionists” or “Israelis”) deserve suffering, exile, and/or death, then you fell for modern antisemitic propaganda, and you would’ve fallen for it in Nazi Germany, too.

Maybe you would blink if the police today started rounding up the Jews in your neighborhood, or smashing synagogues, or arresting Jews off the streets. But would you feel better about it if they call them Zionists or Israelis? They’re not arresting “good Jews”, they’re arresting Zionists, to make them pay for their crimes.

It’s not too late to fix that, though. You can come back from being sucked into antisemitism. You can do better going forward.

[tobiasdrake]

It's easy to be spiteful. I'm mad. I'm so, so mad. I am absolutely furious in a way that leaves me with little sympathy for the people who put us in this situation.

It would be one thing if you got in the car drunk and drove into a lightpole, and now I was standing over your bed in the hospital.

But I was in the car next to you. My family was in the car. You hurt us too. In fact, you probably hurt us worse than you hurt yourself. It's hard for me to muster sympathy from the hospital bed next to yours.

I'm angry. I'm so angry. And scared. And hurt.

...

But I keep coming back to the Civil War. Something that I don't think we, as a country, ever truly reckoned with was how the Civil War ended.

We think of the Civil War as, "There were these people who betrayed the country and tried to form their own country to enshrine slavery, and we beat them." That's the end of the story. The Confederates were defeated, slavery ended. We won.

But. Like.

We didn't. Like. Get rid of the Confederates and their ideology or something. At the end of the war... they and their ideas became Americans again. Their voices rejoined our own, equally weighted. That was literally the goal of the conflict.

The Confederacy didn't go away. It just came home. It was still there, burning in the hearts of all those people that were made Americans once more. And it perpetuated and grew and spread unchecked while we got drunk on stories of how we'd vanquished it.

...

There is no version of the future where we drive all the Trump Supporters into the sea and then Trumpism is never spoken of again. When all is said and done... they're still going to be here. With their ideas and their beliefs, adding their voices to our own. If we make it through this, we will still be in community with these people. That is how democracy works.

I see people talking about conversations they've had with Trump regretters in their lives. And it's so easy to be cynical about it. You fool. You absolute fool. If someone voted because they wanted the price of eggs to drop and now they're just pissy that the price of eggs hasn't dropped, I do not trust that person not to sell us out to the next charlatan who comes along.

...but if someone voted because the news was lying to them about how cool slashing regulations would be and now they're realizing that they're going to lose healthcare and their children's education is going to take a hit? I don't know. If they're starting to realize that they're being duped, then maybe that is a learning opportunity. But only if they have someone willing to teach them.

A long time ago, I saw political activism put on, like, a five point scale. Like, 1 and 5 are people with dug-in Left and Right politics. These people are not here to be convinced. They know what they believe and they think you're a sucker at best and the enemy at worst if you start spouting the other side's talking points near them.

3, in the middle, that's people who are completely unengaged. They're up for grabs.

And then 2 and 4, those are the voters who are leaning in one direction, but can be plied by the other side. They haven't hardened their beliefs into the iron wall of a 1 or 5, and it may be worth trying to convince them to come across the fence.

So if you're talking to a 5, you should save your breath. It's a waste of both their time and yours to try and get them to see your point of view. But a 3 or a 4 might be worth the time to sit with and discuss their beliefs and politics if you're trying to bring more people over to the Left.

...

On the macro scale, as far as the Midterm elections go, none of this matters. Nothing Trump's doing right now will be relevant in November 2026. This is a dirty little secret of politics.

After every election, there's about a 12-18 month grace period where you can do whatever you want without fear of electoral consequences, because people vote in November of Current Year based on how they are feeling about the state of the country in that moment. They do not take a referendum of all your political actions over the course of your term. They just vote based on the vibes they're feeling at time of voting.

You know how a kid can misbehave he wants for eleven months out of the year but then has to put on his best face for Santa when December rolls around? Politics are kinda like that. As destructive as this is, none of it will matter in the Midterms. What Trump does from January to November of 2026 is what will matter in the Midterms, with increasing relevancy the closer it is to that election.

If someone is upset with Trump today but then he gives them free vaccines or something in September 2026 then they'll think the Republicans did super well for those last two years. He is currently gleefully indulging in his consequence-free grace period.

But.

If the chaos he's unleashing on his own supporters is enough to momentarily crack a 5 and bring it back down to a 4?

...

Feelings don't care about your facts.

Cults don't build membership based on their ideas. Their ideas are stupid. Nobody listens to someone ramble about how the lizard people are working for Xenu to trick us all into thinking the moon exists and goes, "Yeah, that sounds reasonable. That's accurate to my life experience. I think this guy's making some solid points!"

People join cults because they're isolated. They're lonely. The cult offers a sense of community, a sense of belonging to something. People are social creatures, first and foremost, and they follow where their desire for a group dynamic leads them. They embrace the ideas that the community embraces. The rhetoric is their cost of entry. And they shun the ideas that the community shuns.

A key element of cult indoctrination is isolation from outside voices. So that they're only hearing these ideas, they can only find acceptance with these people. They will do the mental gymnastics that they need to do in order to be embraced and loved by someone, and the cult makes sure they feel that the only someone who ever could embrace and love them... is the cult.

But when that rhetorical armor cracks?

It can be repaired. Left to their own devices, they can do the mental gymnastics. They can find a way to make this make sense, so that they can return to the only community that will ever accept them.

Or they could let it break. Take the slap in the face, take the sudden shock for what it is, and walk away.

There's no way of guaranteeing what a person will do. But they're more likely to leave if there are people waiting for them outside, willing to take them by the hand and walk them out the door.

On a macro level, nothing Trump does today will be remembered in November 2026.

But if what Trump does today cracks someone's rhetorical armor, and they walk away? If they change what they believe between now and then? They might not go back to him.

...

I don't know what to do with all of this.

I am so, so angry. There are people in my life that I feel personally betrayed by. I don't want to hear that I should be patient with them. That I should be civil towards them. IT'S NOT MY FUCKING JOB TO EDUCATE YOU, YOU STUPID PIECE OF--

...

But if someone is suffering a crisis of faith in conservatism, the voices that guide them through it can't be Ben Shapiro, Jesse Watters, and Andrew Tate.

Because when all of this is over, they're still going to be here. And we're still going to have to try and move forward as a democracy, with their voices joined to ours.

...

I don't know where we go from here. I don't even know if we'll survive this moment in history.

I just have a lot of feelings.

[kittykatkatelol]

How ghouls work, the ghoulification process, and more below cut - aka extremely long description of ghoulification that Bethesda was too much of a coward to give us

disclaimer, I am well aware this probably isn't how Bethesda made ghouls work in fallout canon, but it is how they worked in my canon.

Ghoulification happens to many in the post nuclear world that is fallout - it happens for one reason, and one reason alone. Radiation. Though I am sure most already knew that, but if you didn't, there you go.

You have a certain threshold of how much radiation you can have in your system without becoming a ghoul. There are 4 thresholds total: From human to ghoul, from ghoul to feral, from feral to dead. Once you hit a threshold, there is no reversing it. No cure. Once it is done, it is done, and you have to learn to manage it best as possible. The likeliness of a cure for being a ghoul, is extremely, EXTREMELY unlikely. The only reason I don't say it's impossible, is because it is fallout, and weirder things have been achieved.

Well, Faraday, I hear you ask, how do you know when you've hit a threshold? To that I say, you don't lol. Well, kind of. If you have geiger counter, then you'll know when you hit the first threshold of becoming a ghoul, as your counter will not stop ticking. But for most, who don't have one, you don't know until you start getting symptoms.

What are these symptoms, Faraday? There are many, the vary from person to person, ghoul to ghoul. The symptoms everyone gets are intense weight loss in the span of a short period of time with no change to diet, hair loss, bloodshot eyes, patches of unusually dry skin. The ones that vary are coughing, usually coughing up blood, becoming sickly, often ill with fevers, vomiting, shakes.

There are of course more, but these are the most common. Patches of this dry, rot like skin will most likely start on your hands, feet, or face, as those are the places most likely exposed to radiation first. Though, for me, it was my upper arm, as that is where I injected the experimental radiation drug. It starts where the radiation was first exposed and it spreads.

So you start seeing the signs that you are becoming a ghoul, is there anything you can do to slow the process? Actually yes. Radaway. BEFORE you go down a bunch of radaway, listen to me very closely, radiation is now your life force. Even if you are still in the very early process of becoming a ghoul, you are still a ghoul. Radaway will kill you if you take too much all at once. Radaway will make you even weaker, even sicker, but it will postpone the ghoulification process. It should only be done if you are in a genuinely unsafe place for ghouls to be, such as the Brotherhood of Steel, or Diamond City, to name a couple examples. You will have to be hooked to a radaway 24/7 to keep from becoming visibly a ghoul, but you want to hurry up and get away from that dangerous place as it can and will kill you.

The process can take anywhere from a week to multiple months depending on how long you keep up the radaway. You can probably go for over a year, but at a certain point it just isn't worth it to keep taking, it's only going to get worse and worse the longer you take it. The normal I'd reckon is a month or two.

When you reach a certain point of radiation intake, the initial ghoulification hell will be over. You will still have some aches and pains and some really bad days, but the main hurdle will be done and you'll feel pretty much how you did before becoming a ghoul. Yay. What now you ask? Well, anything. You might look different, but you have the same capacity of doing things as a human can. You're healing is different, but overall, you can keep doing what you were doing with little repercussions. You don't heal with stimpaks that well, so radiation will be your new healing method. Ghouls vary in how they look, hair loss if dependent on how much radiation they have in their system and how far along they are. No one keeps their hair, a rare few will keep facial hair, but most are bald as a cueball everywhere lol. You will not gain weight, there is no such thing as a big ghoul, or a muscular ghoul, you are thin, you look malnourished, and I don't think there are any exceptions. Some lose their nails, some don't, some become extremely rotted, some have very minimal rot, some pure black eyes, some are just bloodshot - looks vary from person to person, ghoul to ghoul. No experience or appearance will ever be exactly the same as anothers.

You will not catch diseases from animals or humans, your organs will not fail, cigs won't cause lung damaged, you will not feel things properly anymore (aka if you get shot it will be considerably less painful than it is supposed to be. You will be ""immortal"" - a term I use quite loosely since there are plenty of downsides to make up for ""immortality"".

To keep in mind, there are still 3 other thresholds. Radiation is your lifeforce, but too much of a good thing still exists. Too much will make you start going feral. How to prevent this is by have two days a year where you settle down, and take a radaway to flush your systems and reset things. It's going to be hell, it's going to feel like when you first became a ghoul, you are going to be fatigued, ill, and in a lot of pain. But it will be worth it to avoid going feral. Another thing, when you go into an extremely radiated place like the Glowing Sea, take a Rad-X. It won't flush your systems like a radaway, but it will limit how much radiation gets thrown into you.

How to tell if you are going feral? I honestly don't know too much. Amnesia, having big chunks of memory gone. Strange behavior. Headaches, twitching. I don't know what it feels like, but when friends went feral, that was seemingly the symptoms. Again, no cure, once you find out you are going feral, the best solution is to put yourself - or have someone else - out of your misery. To go feral is to become a zombie, it is better for everyone, including yourself, to just end it before it gets to bad.

Ferals don't live long, we all know this. You see one, you kill it, that's just how it goes. But they are capable of living a decently long time, like any ghoul. The final threshold is death, ferals can't do anything to stop radiation intact. If a bullet won't kill them, radiation will.

And yes, we could smell. Not too well, but we could still smell and breathe in through our noses before anyone asks.

I think that is about everything I can think of, if anyone has any questions I will do my damnedest to answer them.

[penumbramewtwos]

Chilli comic 4: Now loading.

aaa not my best animation work by far xD

I've got one more project nearly done, then I'm going to be fully focused on finishing off the next comic ^^ hopefully ready in 2 weeks time at the latest.

This being said, there wont be many art updates in the coming week or two if I'm going to be fully focusing on the next comic update ^^

I can answer asks, they just might not come with additional art or at least full art pieces during this time period! Thanks for the understanding!

[guzhufuren]

Hey, I've noticed you've been pretty quiet lately and I hope you're doing okay. I know we're not friends or even mutuals so I'm sorry if I'm overstepping by messaging! I hope the world will treat you kindly and that you can find comfort and support if you need it 💕

hi sweetheart wow this is so genuinely nice and kind of you, thank you so much for caring to the point of reaching out

i'm on the way there! i will be okay, hopefully soon. it's not serious, i just had a medium sized break down after receiving a very negative comment on something i made, in mix with a bit of unrelated loneliness and yearning on top of that, plus many many 4am drowsy what-am-i-doing-with-my-life regretful thoughts that i have had in the last months swimming up. like for my unwellness history it's really only about 6 points on the scale where the maximum is 10, so not big. i turned all social apps off but couldn't shake off the distress caused by that one stranger on the internet being unkind to my project, despite knowing they were misunderstanding and were also not in a state to understand at all, so i was kind of confused about what's up with my brain and why it can't move on

and it was a good choice! because after being only with myself without any internet distractions for the first time in years, figured out in just a day that mood swings have been back for a while, over one month at least (so anger issues weren't totally Yunho's fault actually bless him), some other parts of mental health worsened too

got a grip on myself, went to my doctor, got back on meds, now i'm sleepy every minute of waking hours while my body is getting used to them again, but it's gonna be fine. received advice on how to write a mood log, turns out very helpful as additional treatment to keep hypomania and anxiety under control. i even started working out, doing memory exercises and preparing my exam notes tentatively, which is so hard and scary, oh my god, but i must. job search is even scarier but i'm working myself up to finding a good one with little, very very very very tiny steps but they are moving

in the first day of self made quarantine i rewatched the queer korean show Love for Love's Sake that cured me from depression for a while and from any possibility of suicidality for a lifetime last year. it didn't work the trick again, because i'm really not living in the best or even just calm psychological environment to let it do its magical healing thing the way it should, but it did give me new clarity and make me intensely cry some shit out, so that was also very nice

accidentally found the best fic ever and it brought me so much very needed comfort in the past week. it's sweet, funny and stress free. like a warm blanket. or a cup of vanilla cocoa that makes your cold toes tingle in winter. or a hug from the love of your life. first atz and woosan fic to enter my hall of all time longfic favourites. very rare honor but it deserves it completely

also found a bunch of bloggers who post videos of the ocean in Thailand, some even stream the beach 24/7. it's so cool, i watch it in the evenings for short periods of time. helps making it bearable to just survive here a little bit longer until i am able leave

i sort of of really like that when i don't spend 12 hours a day on the phone doing mind-numbing scrolling or posting, there is so much free time to do cool stuff? i have kinda felt like i can be back on here for a couple of days, but i still freak out a bit for two reasons. first, that bad comment is still hanging there and it still makes me too upset to open notifications or my own blog page, which is ridiculous but that's how my dumbass unwell-brain-made feelings are. so i will see how that goes away and i get over it like an adult. second, i'm scared to be sucked back in the addiction to the colourful little hellsite app so i usually end up throwing the phone away in panic after 5 minutes of the app being open. maybe i will work up to it more gradually, don't know, let's see how that goes too

thank you again my little treasure, i will happily take that kindness and comfort you offered here as you are a part of the world. and you can message without worrying anytime, no mutualship or officially labelled friendship necessary. i'm very cool with small amount of interactions, just not big on chatting online one on one for long and don't enjoy it super much. and also with how often i see you around we are considered friends for sure. so thank you again for being so sweet i really am so grateful to you for this, one hundred friend hugs in return

[angofwords]

How many works do you have on AO3? 44 on AO3. I have some older stuff on ff.net and other places, but I've never brought them over.

What's your total AO3 word count? 574,585

Your Top 5 stories by kudos

A Farewell to Arms: Banana Fish - My one and only fix-it fic, where Ash finds a way to cheat death, but nothing goes quite the way he planned. (2,861 kudos)

In the Closet: Banana Fish - A sexy little first-time romp in the darkroom that Eiji set up in the fancy apartment. (1,474 kudos)

Wishful Thinking: Banana Fish - A misunderstanding causes Ash to reveal far too much about what he's willing to give Eiji. (1,010 kudos)

Bound to You: Lord of the Rings - Wherein Legolas and Gimli go from enemies to lovers to soulmates. (930 kudos)

The Landscape Was the Same on Both Sides: Banana Fish - Ash is upset because Eiji seems to be avoiding his touch. Then he finds out why. (876 kudos)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love comments. I haven't always responded to all of them--there were periods when my kid was little, especially, when my actions didn't meet my intentions, but nowadays I respond to all of them. I consider fanfiction as my way of engaging with the fandom, with the people who love the same stuff I love, so when someone reaches out to me, that's my best opportunity to connect. I've made a lot of friends in the comments of fanfics. <3

Do you write crossovers?

Not really. I don't read them, either.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, but not often. I love a good romance and even a bit of a build up of tension and kissing and touching, but more often than not, I leave the real smut to the imagination. A notable exception is:

I Get By (With a Little Help From My Friends): Lord of the Rings - Legolas and Gimli seduce Aragorn as a way to distract him from his troubles. (This is the fic I hope my LOTR-loving mom NEVER finds!)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of? I'd like to think that someone would let me know if that happened.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I've had a lot of people ask/offer to translate them, but a handful have really been done. I'm super grateful that these lovely people did the work:

Прощай, оружие: a Russian translation (by Fuyu_no_Mafuyu) of A Farewell to Arms

Stars: a Russian translation (by rootofallevil) of Stars

In the Closet: a Mandarin translation (by Voltsliart) of In the Closet

Последняя ошибка: A Russian translation (by Fuyu_no_Mayfuyu) of His Last Mistake

Комета Эша: A Russian translation (by Fuyu_no_Mayfuyu) of Ash's Comet

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I started out in fanfiction by collaborating with my sister on Little Women fanfics that never saw the light of day, and yes, we've also collaborated on a few other stories, too. Namely, a series of Legolas/Gimli fics that are all in the same universe:

The Second Breakfast Club: Lord of the Rings - A high school AU where the fellowship come together in a series of Saturday detention sessions. Co-written by lisafer

Closer: Lord of the Rings - Legolas and Gimli explore their brand new relationship in a way fairly typical of teenagers. Co-written by lisafer

St. Aule's Fire: Lord of the Rings - When Legolas and Gimli move in together, they quickly realize that love isn't enough to keep a relationship strong. Co-written by lisafer

What's your all time favorite ship?

My husband jokes that AshEiji is the primary relationship in my life. I've shipped those two for over 20 years and I don't see any other ship coming anywhere close, honestly.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but probably never will?

I started a novel about Eowyn from Lord of the Rings. I really want to finish it, but I need to learn how to write in a way that works. Right now it's okay, but I need it to sing. The first few chapters are on AO3:

Untouched: Lord of the Rings - the events of the War of the Ring from the point of view of Eowyn of Rohan.

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm good at characterization, dialogue, and conveying emotions. I think I'm good with word choice and adding rhythm to my prose.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm slow. Part of it is that I'm meticulous--I've never learned to draft, so I can't move on from a sentence or a scene until it feels exactly the way I want it to. That has derailed many, many fics over the years. Also, I'm not great with strong endings. I'm working to improve that.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet, but want to?

I have SuperBat in my head and heart, but I'm far too scared to write it. I don't know if I can do that ship justice.

What's your favorite fic that you've written?

This is a difficult question, because I tend to love the stuff I've written most recently. But I really like these:

Just Say Yes: Banana Fish - This is an extreme canon-divergence, where Eiji doesn't get to New York until five years after the events of Banana Fish. He's an Olympic medalist in a bit of an identity crisis and ends up in fake marriage to Ash Lynx to get a green card.

Dear Boss (A Confession): Banana Fish - Ash gets a letter from Alex, his second in command, who feels obligated to confess a secret that might get him killed.

The Undying: Lord of the Rings - Gimli helps Legolas finally build the boat that takes him far from Middle Earth.

Triptych: Banana Fish - My one and only exploration of Shorter/Ash/Eiji

Shades of Light: Gundam Wing - Quatre and Heero deal with their shared grief after Trowa is killed on a mission. (This is VERY old and I've outgrown the writing style, but I still love it!)

I tag @localvampirebitch @gioia-writes-and-others @lisafer @roselightfairy

[loveforthefeminineenergy]

Channelled Love Messages From Your Future Boo🌹🧡🤎

Welcome to the Love For The Feminine🦋

Channelled messages from your future boo!

For all kinds of channelled messages⤵

https://youtube.com/@loveforthefeminineenergy?si=PdUFUSigqc4QiebG

............... Love For The Feminine 🦋 ..................

🌹Pile 1:

Hey Baby,

I am thinking about you non-stop. I can't forget you. I wanna see you again in my dreams because this is the only place I know that you are exist.

It's hard for me being without you. I wishing upon the stars everyday to meet with you.

I love feeling this energy around me. I am so ready for love and I am so ready for you. I am being patient. I am preparing myself for this connection, so when we will be together in the physical it will be mind blowing and just amazing.

We are going to be such an iconic couple. Movie stars. Powerhouse. I will love you until the day I die.

Yours faithfully

Future Lover Forever💜

............... Love For The Feminine 🦋 ..................

🧡Pile 2:

Dear Love of My life,

I do not think you know who I am, but I already know you. I saw you before but I was too shy and afraid to approach you. I thought, you will not like me and I did not have the strength yet to face with you.

Now I am thinking about it I lost the opportunity to actually ask you out.

It was not the right time for me at all. I had a lot of things going on with me and I am not writing this to you because I want to find excuses. No! It's because my life was hectic and at that time for this beautiful relationship to grow it was not a very good space to it.

I needed to work on myself and becoming a better person, also a much more stronger one so I can be 100% there for you as your forever person.

My Love!🧡

The time we did not spend with each other until this point is not wasted. It just gave us some time and space to grow, evolve and become the person who we are wish to become.

Now the time is so close.🧭

I can feel this in my bones. I am counting the days, when I will spot you in the crowd. I can feel your energy already. Inviting me, like a sweet honey and I am hungry. 💥

I am going to be honest I am celibate for a while. I only want my beautiful lover, no one else.

If you think that I only want the have fun with you, please just think it through. It's the part of me and it's the part of you and also it's natural.

My best trait is discipline, so I can contain myself, because I want to enjoy with you every moment. We do not need to rush. I am dedicated myself to you, so I would like to take it slow with you.

If I can wait until this exact moment, I can wait more as well. Take your time. When you are ready to receive the love (my love😎) I will show up in your life.

Just do what you do and love yourself every day, because I will love you even more.

Your Devoted Knight in Shining Armor,

Future Spouse

............... Love For The Feminine 🦋 ..................

🤎Pile 3:

Dear My Future Spouse,

I am really glad that I can communicate with you and tell you that I am successfully single and ready to be in the love game again.

I am not going to lie. That was a period of time, when I did not felt at all that I would like to be with someone.

I just couldn't find the connection with any one.

I had a few attempt and I tried a few things as well, so I have a knowledge and the experience, but it was all a learning curve.

I always felt that the person who was meant to be with me is not who is around me. I felt the disconnection so many times.

It's like something was always missing. Sometimes it was the emotions and the love, sometimes the conversation was not for my liking or even the chemistry in the bedroom.

Have you felt this before as well?

I can't wait to share those stories with each other, I think it will be very fun, because I would like to know everything about you. What you have been through? What are your interest? I would like to connect with you, more deeper than anyone else.

I would like us to be best friends and lovers as well.🤎

Love You to the Moon and Back!

Your True Love

PS: Be Your True Love to yourself first, I do not mind being the second if it's about loving yourself fully and truly and I will do the same and I am already doing it.

I love this and I might can be a shy person but I will fight for you and for the love what we have!

When you are not giving up on yourself you are not giving up on me as well, because this is how we will meet.

In the High Vibrational Realm of Love itself!

I will talk with you soon, I can feel it.

Love You💕