#it’s just so weird so specific too and all kinds of complicated

[rgwriteshockey]

baby hughes w/ trevor zegras ⇒

trevor zegras x secret gf!reader

summary: y/n, the youngest hughes sibling, secretly dates trevor zegras. when her brothers find out, the group navigates the awkwardness, but eventually supports their relationship.

word count: 1.9k

warnings: mild language, secret relationship, hockeyyyy

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y/n had always been the wildest of the hughes family. with twoolder brothers—jack and quinn, and her younger brother— luke—she had grown up around hockey. and not just any hockey, but the kind that made headlines and kept everyone on their toes. growing up in a house where slapshots were a regular sound and broken sticks were a part of everyday life meant she had to learn how to hold her own early on.

living in anaheim at 23, y/n loved being close to her brothers, but now they'd all gone their separate ways for hockey. but what they didn't know was that their mutual friend and closest friendship, trevor zegras, had developed a closer relationship with y/n.

trevor zegras. the guy who had somehow wormed his way into the hughes family's circle, and, more specifically, into y/n's heart. it all started with casual hangouts, with trevor coming over to visit the hughes brothers. they’d hit it off from the start—he was funny, kind, and he made her laugh like no one else. sure, he was the goofy guy everyone loved, but there was something about him that always kept her attention. as time went on, their friendship turned into something neither of them had expected: a secret.

it wasn’t that they were ashamed of each other. it wasn’t that they didn’t want to tell her brothers. it was just... complicated. trevor was still a rising star in the nhl, and y/n didn’t want to be the girl who was only seen as the girlfriend of one of her brothers' friends. and trevor, well, he had his own reasons. he wasn’t sure how jack, quinn, and luke would react, considering the close bond they all shared. he didn’t want to make things weird.

so, they kept it quiet. but that didn’t mean it wasn’t obvious to those closest to them. the little stolen glances, the inside jokes, the way trevor was always finding an excuse to text her when she least expected it. it was starting to become harder and harder to keep the secret from the hughes brothers, who, although they were away for most of the year, always seemed to be around when things got a little too complicated.

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it was a quiet saturday night when things began to unravel. y/n had invited trevor over to watch a game—nothing special, just a night in, but it was still a little too intimate to be just “friends.” they were sitting on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between them, trying to act normal while the tv blared in the background. y/n had been trying to get comfortable, but it was difficult with trevor sitting so close. his arm brushed against hers every so often, sending little electric shocks up her spine, and she hated that she could feel the tension building between them. they weren’t fooling anyone.

“you good?” trevor asked, glancing over at her as he adjusted his hoodie.

“yeah, just... a little nervous,” y/n replied, a small smile playing at her lips. she could hear the anxiety in her voice, but trevor didn’t seem to mind.

“nervous? about what?” trevor raised an eyebrow, his trademark smirk appearing. it was one of the things that made him so irresistibly charming.

“about them finding out, obviously,” she said, motioning to the ceiling. “i don’t know how they’ll take it.”

“y/n, come on. it’s just jack, quinn, and luke. they’ll be fine,” he reassured her, though he didn’t look as confident as he sounded.

“i don’t know, trev,” y/n said, her voice serious now. “it’s not just about me and you. it’s about how weird it’s going to make things for all of us. what if they don’t like it?”

trevor hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching hers. “well, if they don’t like it... that’s their problem, right?”

y/n laughed softly. “you make it sound so easy.”

“it could be easy. we just have to be honest with them, and if they don’t get it, that’s on them. we’re not kids anymore, y/n.”

she nodded, but deep down, she wasn’t so sure. the hughes brothers were protective, especially jack. he was always the first one to look out for her, to make sure no one was treating her wrong. he had always been the one to give the most unsolicited advice when it came to her love life, and now she had to figure out how to explain to him that she was secretly dating his best friend.

────────────────────────────────────────────

the next weekend, things took an unexpected turn. jack, quinn, and luke were all in town, and they were planning a low-key hangout at y/n’s place. the last thing y/n expected was for trevor to show up, but there he was, standing at her door like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“you’re here?” she said, raising an eyebrow. “i thought we were keeping this on the down-low?”

“come on, y/n,” trevor said with a shrug, his smile wide. “i’m just here to watch some hockey. no big deal.”

y/n shook her head, but she couldn’t help but laugh. she had always loved how carefree trevor was. he wasn’t worried about what people thought. she, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck.

they sat down on the couch, trying to act natural as the hughes brothers slowly filed into the living room. jack, the first one to walk in, paused when he saw trevor sitting next to y/n. there was a moment of silence, and y/n could feel her stomach drop. this was it. the moment she had been avoiding.

“hey, man,” jack said, his tone a little too casual, like he was trying to cover up something. he exchanged a quick glance with luke and quinn, who were both standing near the door, clearly waiting for jack’s reaction.

“what’s up, jack?” trevor said, his voice easy and calm, but y/n could hear the undercurrent of tension. he wasn’t as relaxed as he looked. he knew this was about to be awkward.

“didn’t know you were coming by,” jack added, walking toward the couch and sitting down next to y/n, keeping his distance from trevor. “y/n didn’t mention it.”

“oh, yeah, i—i didn’t think it was a big deal,” y/n stammered, her cheeks heating up. she glanced over at trevor, but he just smiled at her, his usual confidence putting her a little at ease.

luke and quinn exchanged a look, but neither of them said anything. it was quinn who finally spoke, his voice calm but with a hint of curiosity. “so, what’s going on here, guys?”

the question hung in the air, and y/n felt her heart race. she opened her mouth to say something, anything, but trevor beat her to it.

“we’re dating,” he said simply, his eyes meeting jack’s. “been seeing each other for a while now.”

the silence that followed was so thick it could’ve suffocated y/n. jack’s eyes widened for a second, but his expression quickly turned neutral, like he was trying to process everything. quinn and luke, on the other hand, seemed more interested in seeing how jack would react than anything else.

“wait, what?” jack finally asked, his voice rising. “since when?”

“since a little while ago,” y/n admitted, biting her lip. “we kept it quiet. didn’t want to make things weird, especially with you guys.”

“weird?” jack repeated, his brow furrowing. “you guys have been hiding this from me?”

“it wasn’t like that,” y/n explained quickly. “it’s just... complicated, jack.”

“complicated?” jack shook his head, looking between trevor and y/n. “you’re my little sister. and trevor is—well, he’s trevor. my best friend, for crying out loud.”

“hey, look, we didn’t want to hurt anyone,” trevor said, his tone serious for the first time all evening. “but we’re not kids anymore. and we thought we could keep this private for a little while longer.”

“i just don’t get it,” jack muttered, still processing everything. he looked over at quinn and luke for some kind of backup, but they just shrugged.

“well, i think it’s kind of cute,” quinn finally said, his grin wide. “you two are obviously good for each other.”

“yeah,” luke added with a chuckle. “it was pretty obvious. you’ve been acting like a couple for months now.”

“i’m just surprised you two kept it secret this long,” quinn teased, nudging jack’s shoulder. “must’ve been a lot of sneaky text messages.”

jack shot quinn a glare, but y/n could see he was slowly starting to come around. “i just don’t want anyone messing with my little sister,” he said quietly. “but if you make her happy, trevor, then... i guess i can’t really argue.”

“yeah, i’m not here to cause trouble,” trevor said, his voice softening. “just want to be good to her.”

y/n smiled, relieved that things were starting to settle. jack might have been the most protective, but deep down, she knew he just wanted what was best for her. and with trevor by her side, she was pretty sure she had everything she needed.

the awkwardness faded, and before long, they were all sitting around the couch, watching hockey and laughing like nothing had changed. but for y/n, something had changed. the secret was out, and it felt... good. better than good. it felt like they were finally starting a new chapter—together.

[lordendsavior]

.

[georgegraphys]

It's kind of weird how some people directly "pins" all the responsibility of speaking up to George Russell when the GPDA is literally a collective effort by all 20 drivers.

I think some people should re-educate themselves regarding GPDA and the roles, how complicated it can be, how it is absolutely alright to acknowledge that George already has so much on his plate on top of the GPDA job, and how we can't just rely on him but the rest of the 19 drivers must all speak up with him (not just liking the post around)

The known GPDA roles are leading the drivers' meeting, builds the bridge between FIA-FOM-drivers by making sure all parties needs & wants are well represented, talks with the race officials, deal with manchild's (read: Sulayem's) tantrum, meeting with the local motorsport execs, etc.

George runs on approximately 97 schedules off-race and during race weeks last year, there are instances where he had to do 3-4 Mercedes schedule in one race but he still does all that GPDA duty. He greeted the local execs, took his time to talk with them, and more. Those things are part of his roles that he does and took his time to.

And not to mention, he is always one of the firsts to speak up regarding FIA matters or safety issues in F1/motorsports which he ALWAYS get some flames from the fans/FIA/other parties because they think it's solely his opinion when it's him representing other drivers' opinions too. He gets the flame because he is always the one who SPEAKS.

All that and some people want to act like he is "missing"? Just because he hasn't put out a statement? Do you know that not all companies put statements in 1x24? The GPDA has their own legal consult and they might be talking within themselves too. Some fans should sit back and stop pinning responsibilities to specific people. This is a collective effort. This is what a union is. A collective effort.

[thrashkink-coven]

people who don’t understand neopronouns or therians are immediate red flags to me as people who probably don’t understand neurodivergency, polyamory, alt subcultures, or paganism either. Basically just anything that isn’t immediately simple and easy to define. People somehow seem blind to gray areas and nuances and I don’t understand why.

“Why not go by he or she? or even they? why does it have to be so complicated?!”

Because humans are complicated and this word fits xim better. Language has been evolving to be more specific for centuries, xer not doing anything different than he or she is.

“Why do they look like that if they don’t want me to stare at them?”

I guarantee your opinion was not the determining factor of their outfit choice today. Green is their happy color and spiky hair makes them feel cool. What other reason do they need? Everything isn’t about you.

“How do you identify as something nonhuman?! that makes no sense??!”

Probably because cats are the only creature they’ve known to not question their habits and force them to make eye contact. Maybe they relate more to animals than humans because you’re all so cruel.

“How can you be an it?! You’re not an object?!”

Maybe this person just generally doesn’t identify with being humanized in general. Who cares.

“This is all really weird they probably have some kind of mental disorder”

Okay? And? Maybe they do? What’s your point? What’s wrong with that? Why can’t they live peacefully with their disorder? Why can’t they be a person with DID? Why can’t they do age regression? Because it makes you uncomfortable? If these things are helping them cope and not causing harm, what’s the issue? That it’s too complicated to deal with? Maybe you don’t actually want to have a relationship with this person and should just leave them alone.

“I just don’t get all the freaky chanting and stuff. Seems like demons possessing you”

Oh yeah, you probably don’t “get” stimming either, do you? Moshing? Nope? Didn’t think so. Yeah wild idea but maybe howling and clapping actually feels good for some people. Maybe it even feels… really good.

“I just don’t get how you can be multiple things at once”

You probably don’t get how you can worship multiple Gods at once either, huh? Or even… be more than one person at once? Be more than one gender at once? Love more than one person at once? All of these concepts must fry your little brain don’t they?

“well sorry, I just don’t get it. It’s too much for me”

Although I don’t think it’s all that difficult, (hey buddy, are you maybe perhaps a little bit stupid?) you don’t actually have to “get” it to respect it, or at the very least respect people. Humanity is and always has been complicated. Get with the program dummy.

[meanbossart]

Oh boy, VaM is kind of a trial and error experience LOL I couldn't really show you how to use the interface and stuff without a whole video or something, but it's not THAT difficult to get a hang of if you just give yourself a day or two to play around, not to mention the number of tutorials you find out there. Luckily, if you only want to use it as a reference software that makes the process far easier (to this day I have no idea how to animate on that thing, since that's not what I use it for)

As for how I use it, it's pretty self explanatory - if there's a complicated pose I want to draw but I'm either having trouble with it, or just want to double-check angles/anatomy, I will use it as a resource! I use for most of my "proper" pieces (y'know, the nicer looking ones) and every once in a while for my silly comics if I'm having trouble with a pose.

Lets use this drawing for example (the character on top of DU drow belongs to @namespara )

I don't draw a lot of mud-wrestling (shocking, I know) but I had an idea of the kind of pose I wanted them to be in. So the very first thing I did was make a rough sketch of what I was envisioning:

I often do a rough sketch first, even If I know I'm going to be pulling the program up because A) It's less tedious than adjusting the models over and over again until I pick a pose and B) because sometimes I'll decide I don't need the reference, after all, and so that's 30 minutes I'll have spared myself of playing around on the software.

Now, this is a pretty complicated pose! It's in a weird angle and the bodies are making contact in ways I'm not used to depicting, so I did choose to whip out VaM for this one. I went into the program and after some messing around, I flopped my little dolls together like this:

Now something really cool about VaM is that you can completely customize your models, and if you have the patience, I would definitely encourage you to do so! Obviously, you don't have to make picture perfect replicas of every single character you have, but as you can see here I have made a DU drow "decoy" to help me better understand some of his features when I draw him: he has a strong brow, a short nose, a square jawline - these are all going to look a very specific way from certain angles, and I might not always be sure of how to draw it right! So it's useful to have models that bear SOME semblance to the character so you can better understand how different viewpoints will affect their bone structure and mass.

Also thank fucking god for the elf-ear slider. Figuring out how to draw those shits from certain angles was a huge pain in the ass when I started drawing DnD races.

So, with the reference in hand, I go over the sketch again:

Now you may notice that I don't stick to the reference 100%. There's three reasons for this:

posing on VaM is tedious as hell. You can get something incredibly natural looking and picture-perfect to reference from if you wish, but it's going to take you hours to do. So, for the most part I just slap guys together until the results are "close enough" and use that.

In my opinion, you should always aim to ENHANCE your reference material, not replicate it exactly!

While VaM is a PRETTY DANG GOOD source of anatomical reference, it isn't perfect, I often supplement it with further reference from real life resources or make tweaks based on my own knowledge where I catch it falling short (and, antithetical to what I just said, I sometimes fuck the anatomy up further on purpose if I think it looks better that way LOL it's all jazz baby).

Then lines, color, yada yada. I don't have a tutorial on that and I don't think I could make one, because my process is chaotic as hell, but I do at times use Virt-a-mate as loose reference for lighting too when coloring - waaaaayyyy less so however, because that process is even more tedious and I feel like I often get better results by just winging it. It is a feature of the program though, and I'm sure it would be helpful for someone who has a difficult time visualizing lights and shadows. I only started using this program a few months ago, so I happened to already have a pretty good understanding of that kind of thing and just don't personally feel like I get much out of that particular mechanic.

Here's a few other examples of pieces that I made reference for (WARNING: Suggestive)

Now, for the question many of you may want to ask:

"Can I trace this junk?"

And to that, I say: Buddy, you can do whatever the hell you want with the reference material you created.

However,

If your goal is to learn and improve your art, and to recreate realistic proportions and anatomy from memory, tracing won't help you.

Developing your own style, your muscle memory, and personal technique will all be hindered by choosing to trace instead of drawing from observation, so I would encourage against it. Hell - even when tracing is employed as a technique, it's usually by high-skill realism & concept artists who are looking to either cut some corners, save time, or just double-check their own proportions in order to improve further - if you try tracing as a beginner, you will most definitely find the result to still look stiff and "off".

So trust me, there is so much more to be gained from drawing from observation. Make note of tangents, compare proportions, use all the elements of the picture to dictate where and how things should go - it will be a far more rewarding experience.

Hopefully this has been helpful! VaM is a really cheap program (you get it on the guys' patreon for I think 8 dollars, just google it!) and it's definitely been worth my money as an artist since I found it. Learning to use it can be a little intimidating at first glance, but as I said above you only really need a day plus one or two tutorials to get a hang of the interface.

A fair warning though, IT IS A SOFTWARE MADE FOR VIRTUAL SEX/ADULT ANIMATION So when looking it up expect to see a some spicy content.

[pressureplus]

I need that for my comfort!🥺✨ Trans boy reader who started to have dysphoria because his hair a getting to long for his comfort. So he ask to Sebastian to help him cut them shorter, which Sebastian hesitantly agreed. Might not be the best since it’s was cut with some scissors and also because Sebastian never cut hair before. But reader is still happy with the result lol.

This is so cute

Hair and Care 101

Pairings: Sebastian Solace X TransMasc!Reader

Au: Classic

Warnings: Mentions of Gender Dysphoria

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟

“And you're sure you want me to cut it? You won't do it yourself?”

“I can't exactly see the back of my head, so yes.” You sit on a stool, hands knitted together in anxiety. You'd asked Sebastian if he would be willing to cut your hair for you today. It had been, admittedly, a bit awkward to ask. He’d been flipping through files and restocking the supplies on his tail when you'd stepped into his shop. Your long hair getting in your eyes and somewhat fanning out nearly down to your hips. You hadn't had the opportunity to get it cut in so long it made your skin crawl. You felt…feminine. Way too feminine. You can't remember the last time you let your hair grow out this long and its made it really, really hard to focus on anything else. Its not just because it gets in your eyes and you can't for the life of you find a hairtie. Its deeper than that. You've started to almost flinch away from your reflections in the water and windows.

You've started to grab at your hips, at your face, poking and prodding and wondering if you can even pass with long hair. You haven't met another person besides Sebastian and the idea of being unable to see yourself the way you should. The way you know in your heart to be right. It makes you uncomfortable. You can only pinch and poke and prod for so long before your skin gets irritated. Right now, sat here, waiting for Sebastian to cut your hair? This was like your skin getting irritated. You had to debate if you were willing to even let another person cut your hair. What if they butchered it? What if it made you look worse than before? What if he fucked it up so bad you looked like one of those weird troll dolls but worse somehow? It had been your biggest worry for quite some time, until your hair got long enough that you couldn't stand it anymore.

“I feel like I should make you sign a waiver.”

“Sebastian, Im serious. Please, just cut it, I don't care if it's the worst thing ever. I can't keep walking around like this.”

“You understand my hands are too big to fit these scissors properly, right?”

“Doesnt matter, just get it done.” He sighs and grabs a collection of your long locks, specifically the one around your face. He straightens the hair to the best of his abilities using a hand so he can make the cleanest cuts he can.

“Why does this matter so much to you? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, focused on surviving? I mean paying me for a haircut seems a bit much.”

“Its…complicated.”

“How complicated can it really be?” He hums as he continues to make cuts, the sound of scissors through hair joining the sound of dripping water and Sebastian's voice. Would he even be cool about something like this? He doesn't particularly like anyone, and he's not really friendly with you either. Would he use it against you somehow? Would he get aggressive about it?

“I just feel kind of…feminine, and it makes me uncomfortable.” You mutter and this only gets a chuckle, sounding condescending.

“Oh, Expendable, long hair doesn't make you any less of a man. Don't be ridiculous.”

“I just don't like it.”

“Look, all I'm saying is, you could have bought a medkit instead of a haircut. If its this important than fine. Who am I to tell you how to spend your collected data?”

“Whether it makes me more of a man or not, is it wrong of me to not like feeling…” You trail off, and all at once, Sebastian tenses mid cut.

“Oh…thats what this is about.” His tone softens up a bit, the mild poking he had been doing immediately being cut out as he carries on cutting your hair.

“This isn't too stupid of a purchase, I guess.” He adds on.

“Yeah?” You ask as he finishes up, putting the scissors to the side and ruffling your hair to get any loose strands out.

“Yeah. Go take a look,” he motions towards the water so you can see yourself in the reflection. You peer down into it curiously and immediately your shoulders relax. You hadn't even realized you'd been tense. Your hairs a bit choppy, admittedly, but its not ugly or particularly butchered by any means. He was oddly thoughtful and careful about taking care of your hair for you. Even saying it was ridiculous to spend your data on, he didn't ruin it for you on purpose.

“Its good, you did a good job.”

“Yeah, well, I'm sure if you keep coming to me I'll get better every time.”

“Im sure you will, then.” You give him a smile and he kind of awkwardly smiles back for a moment. A bit of hesitation as you grab the keycard off his desk and put your swimming gear back on now that its dry.

“Wait.”

“Ah- Yes Sebastian?” You turn, concerned about what he might say. He's not stupid and you're certain he's figured you out by now. If he doesn't like it, there's nothing he can do about it sure but you always tense when people get all awkward around you. He hesitates a moment longer before giving you a little wave.

“You look better with short hair anyway.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I do…now go on and get out of here. I've got other Expendables to deal with and a mess of hair to clean.”

[twipsai]

this one panel in issue #50 and it's, like, not THAT bad alright

fuck it im tired and had a long day this is my treat to myself. im talking about that panel. yes, THAT panel. which one?

THIS ONE. alrighty this is off the cuff and terrible, lets go.

so this panel isnt like, that bad in context when it comes to Sonic. i think specifically "ive made peace with enough enemies to know there is a better way" is a really interesting line here, because it calls back to the amount of times that the "villain" hes fought has just been a person whos hurting, and how hes been able to help those people. it makes sense that eventually hes more keen on trying to figure out someones whole story before deciding if theyve gotta go (which is rare).

but i want to talk about the FRAMING of this panel, and specifically the larger context of this issue in particular. theres a lot of flip-flopping in perspectives. usually, IDW is told through Sonic's perspective (loosely, this kind of thing is up to interpretation a lot), but in issue 50, it switches rapidly between four different groups -- Sonic and Surge, Tails and Kit, Eggman and Starline, and Belle and Metal. within these groups, the perspective its being told from changes a few times, but never as much as Sonic and Surge's do

i actually love these two when they interact as a storyteller myself, and one that has handled scripts too often for my own liking. Sonic and Surge do this thing where they push and pull the pacing of the script to fit their motives -- Surge keeps trying to escalate things, whenever shes in a panel everything starts pushing rapidly and it feels like the panels are tumbling off the page. when Sonic does anything, though, its slow and deliberate. hes having fun fighting, sure, but he can very much tell that Surge is trying to kill him and hes not having any of that. Sonic keeps things slow and focused, Surge tries to push things faster and unfocused. i could get into how this reflects her motivations and stuff but thats not what this is about i already lost track of what i was talking about fuck hang on

ok so. Surge knows shes supposed to be Sonic, to be BETTER than Sonic. its all she knows, really, and thats the problem. shes traumatized and full of rage and Sonic has been put on this high pedestal, not just by her, but by everyone. she cannot stand this.

this panel is how SURGE sees Sonic, specifically the composition. hes shrouded in light and physically above her -- its not even that subtle of a metaphor, they use it all the time in idw.

the entire overpowered saga shows Surge clawing for control of herself, her life, her freedom... this issue sets all that up in the main story. the way Sonic is framed here isnt how he sees himself at all. weve seen him do this exact same thing from his own perspective before, where everyone is on even ground. he doesnt see himself as above anyone, this instance of him being depicted as such isnt alluding to how Sonic feels about himself, its how Surge feels about Sonic.

and, look, its not the most well-done in the world. this issue has a whole host of problems, evident by the constant switching of focus from one group to a next (a problem that i think they did better on in the Phantom Rider saga). i literally forgot about Belle and Metal in this issue bc theres just so much more going on, i wouldve loved for them to slow things down a bit, maybe splitting it into two issues, but hey, what can you do, yk?

as an aside, i think its really weird how people narrow in on this specific panel of Sonic as being "so out of character", which i sorta like, 30% agree with (i think some phrasing could be better), and then ignore the page right after it...

...in which he pretty much says "you dont get freedom if youre gonna be a problem". funnily enough, on twitter i have this flow chart saved whenever i need a quick guide on Sonics morality and stuff, its really not that complicated

x

none of this is new imo, we see he has the same philosophy in sa1 and satbk. Chaos was blinded by rage and pain after being trapped for thousands of years RIGHT after they were attacked by the echidnas. Merlina was so scared of death (implied to be because she had lost family members and wasnt able to cope with it well) that she became a monster in an attempt to never let anything change ever again. these arent very different stories in my head i guess, just cases of Sonic seeing people who are hurting and doing his best to free them from that.

uhhhh anyways. all this is disorganized i forgot what i was talking about like 5 times while writing this but. people on twitter are ripping into this issue again. like its a b tier issue stop acting like its an f yk Q_Q i will defend anything if people are too mean tbh

thanks for making it this far if you read all this. i love idw a lot and i think that it does have some flaws, theyre all really blown out of proportion.

have a great day/afternoon/evening wherever you are yall :) bye bye

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Clone baby AU TimKonBartCassie

Part 1

"Don't be mad."

Tim is more than aware he might not be the most sane, he also is more than aware that sometimes he does things that can be considered rage inducing or morally wrong but he can't say he regrets his choices.

Especially when she's seven pounds four ounces and just holding her makes him ready to burn the whole word down.

A perfect blend of him, Kon, Bart, and Cassie which oddly enough was extremely difficult to do since as it turns out genetic sequencing which is already absurdly complicated gets even worse when you add two more people.

She's perfect.

It was a spur of the moment decision a nightmare that drove him right back into the center of his grief.

He was staring at his previous cloning calculations and for a moment he was so incrediblely selfish.

He wanted a piece of his friends proof in a way of how deeply devoted he is to them. Something that no matter what couldn't be taken from him, something he could love unconditionally.

In a darker part of his mind he admits that the baby, his child who is incredible could have been just his and Kon's a half kryptonian but in his experience that is still too mortal.

But combined with a speedster and demigod he might have just made an unbeatable weapon. Not that his little girl will ever be that, he won't allow it.

"Tim is that a baby?" Kon gasps.

He only had held her for five minutes the greatest thing in the word had only been alive for ten minutes before he raced to titans tower holding his precious cargo.

All of them, the other parents? His friends sitting peacefully watching some program completely unaware of what's he's done. Not that it stayed that way for long.

"Is that Luci?" Bart asks.

All of them turn even Tim completely shocked his entire explanation that he had been planning for the last few hours gone with one sentence.

"Bart do you know this random baby? Also Luci what kind of name is that? Tim why do you have a baby?Cassie demands trying to sound stern but everyone can tell is beyond confused.

Bart who had gotten up walks not an once of speed the calmest any of them have ever seen, over to him a soft smile directed at apperently Luci although Tim agrees wth Cassie it's a weird name and not what he was planning.

"Our son, and Luci is a nickname, and if I'm right Tim just spent the last twenty four-ish hours creating him."

Before he can comprehend half of what Bart just said. Luci?

Is being cradled head perfectly surported by the speedster along with soft cooing from said speedster looking so natural as if fatherhood was created just for him.

Finally he finds his voice.

"Daughter, but Bart is right she's ours."

A giggle interrupts the cooing before a smirk paints Bart's face.

"No it's definitely son but it will be a good few years before he's able to voice that specific issue, not that it's much of an issue with all the money your daddy has isn't that right little lightening?"

And once again Bart is back to being absurdly attractive holding their child that Tim is getting a feeling he had prior knowledge of. Who also is trans? Maybe? which is completely fine of course but back to the whole Bart clearly knows something.

"Imp, ok I get the whole Rob made a baby with our DNA thing. No offense but I'm not exactly surprised Sunshine, your crazy we love that about you, but Bart why are you talking like you already know them."

Kon asks sounding very tired which Tim is a little offended by, he's not crazy.

Also how dare he be so accepting of Tim's cloned child as if this is Tuesday and Tim does this everyday he definitely does not, he's not Batman well ok maybe a little bit like him but still.

Wow Tim is way to sleep deprived if this is his inner monologue right now.

"Because I do. Lilith right? That's the name you had in mind apperently he doesn't actually mind you going with that for now since in his own words it inspires his much scarier name. God I love that kid."

Tim blanks.

He swallows throat suddenly really dry.

"Bart did you go to the future?"

He is trying to process but is now very scared is a time line fractured? Could his child not exist, and nevermind the whole Bart apperently already has insider info on the child his child that Tim just made ten fucking minutes ago.

"Oh no nothing like that."

He laughes out as if Bart hasn't been sitting on life changing information for who knows how long. Which is also extremely hypocritical of him considering secret child and timeline shenanigans that he was just panicking over.

"Our wonderful, gremlin, of a child ran into me actually some evil rouge with Time Travel powers which was a whole thing."

He pauses clearly rejoicing in some memory of their child that again Tim you know his mother wasn't privy to. Even though Tim is a man which would make him Dad but he created the baby so he should have been the first to have fond memories.

"I went to interrupt said fight not knowing and your child, yah Robie he was hundred percent your child, threw a DNA test in my face told me to get out of his way and absolutely demolished the dude before who I believe and I am just speculating here, was your brother's kid grabbed the dude and threw him into some weird portal before vanishing."

Tim is gonna lose his fucking mind his baby who he just created.

Grows up to be a superhero which alright not surprising, but also apperently one of his siblings has a child also not surprising. But they apperently travel through time together and cause chaos how fucking lovely he is starting to feel really guilty about everything with Bruce.

Oh my god he has to tell Bruce. But first.

"Which sibling?"

He doesn't actually know what's he's hoping for maybe Dick's kid yah, a sunshine child, chaotic but nice yah that sounds like a good influence. On once again his twenty minute old son? Daughter something? Whatever baby.

"Well based on the guns, and arrows that were floating around. You also can't forget the helmet I would say that was Arsenal and Red Hood's very own precious bundle but Luci wouldn't give me a straight answer but what would you expect when we raised him."

Tim's tired very tired he doesn't even stop himself from face planting onto the floor. Everything will make more sense after a nap a very long nap.

Oh my god Jason procreated is his last thought before he falls into a nightmare filled sleep.

[thebibliosphere]

Hi there, ive come from your post about ADHD and emotional disregulation, firstly thank you so much for putting it into words, its such a complicated part of how i deal with emotions and i havent ever been able to articulate how to why.

Secondly, in that post you mentioned how you've used stress as a motivator and how eventually your stress regualtion broke, i was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about that? (If not, its not a problem)

I feel like the same thing has happened to me but until i read your post i had no idea that something had... snapped? I suppose? I struggle with motivation all the time and in the past id have a week or a few days left and id be able to suddently push myself very hard to complete whatever it is before the deadline, just barely making it in most cases. However now it seems that i can't find that motivation anymore, deadlines come and pass and i can't being myself to work on anything, and i just end up spiralling into shame and guilt. That motivation was the only thing that I was able to rely on sometimes for things like uni, and i conviced myself that it was just me growing lazy or trying to get out of responsibility as to why the "last minute panic-mode" doesnt work anymore.

Again, if you don't wanna tackle this can of worms or if it's something youd rather not post online i totally get it, its no biggie! thanks so much for making the original post as well, it means a lot

Hello friend, thanks for the message. I'm sorry you're also dealing with this.

The good news here is that I've already talked about this using the rubber band analogy my therapist gave me. (Stress is like a Rubber Band)

If you don't have the mental bandwidth to read all of it now, the tl;dr is "stress is like a rubber band; it can stretch to hold numerous things in place when you need to, but if you do it too often or keep adding more and more strain under the band, the elastic eventually becomes brittle and snaps, taking your mental and sometimes physical health with it too."

I've been in intensive therapy for this for roughly three years now, and trying to piece my brain back together after my last bout of stress-induced productivity gave me a total mental breakdown.

It's... odd not being able to use stress and having to actively avoid it to avoid a relapse. But it is doable. Medication would help, but alas, I've got weird health issues and am unmedicated at the minute.

(And just in case that sparks anyone to go, "Oh, you do all this unmedicated! Wow, that's so inspiring!" as sometimes parents do to me on here as they then tell me they don't want to medicate their kids, I've unfortunately also written a post about what that kind of success looks like from an unmedicated perspective and the kind of suicidal ideation I deal with on the regular because I cannot take meds. It is not pleasant reading, but it is necessary for some folks, specifically anti-med, "if you just tried harder" people.)

A book you may find helpful is Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. It was very validating for me to read about other people going through the same things, and made me feel less of a "this is a personal failing on my part" and more of a "Oh okay yeah, no stress literally breaks people."

It helped soothe some of my own internalized "I just need to try harder" and helped cement me on the path I was already going down with my ADHD therapist toward changing how I view myself and how I manage my ADHD.

I hope that helps! If you've got more specific questions or I didn't touch on something in my old post, I can try to answer them :)

[sunsetsover]

looking back at kantbison's relationship and specifically kant's relationship with submission throughout the show after episode 8 has really put a lot of things into perspective for me.

bc like. it's complicated. i'm not gonna pretend that it's not. there's too much there in kant's character to ever really be able to isolate one thing he says or does before like. episode 6 or so. and be able to say 'this was exactly what he meant, this was his sole feeling and/or his sole motivation here' bc everything's far too intertwined to ever pick apart properly.

that said though. i always felt there was a sense of reluctance in kant when it came to giving bison power over him and specifically the bdsm thing. and i could never quite figure out bc i didn't particularly get the impression that he disliked it either but there was just something that was off about it that i could never quite put my finger on, but i think i've finally figured it out. and it's really not that surprising, bc as this show's gone on it's become increasingly clear that with kant all roads lead to the same place, and that's the issue of choice - or lack of choice, in kant's case.

submission was never really the issue i don't think. kant knows how to submit, is good at submitting - at the end of the day, isn't that what he does with christ? submit to his will, follow his orders? isn't he collared and chained to him? isn't he such a well behaved dog for him? kant knows very well how to submit. but the thing is is that it's not a willing act of submission where christ is concerned. kant submits because, like with pretty much every other facet of his life, he has no other choice. he behaves because he has to.

and then the next thing kant knows there's bison, outright telling him that he'd like him to submit. to let bison take charge and have kant bend to his will, to follow his every whim. and bison wasn't pushy about it - if anything it was the opposite. he was reluctant, assuring kant that it was fine, that he didn't have to, that actually maybe it was better that they didn't. he gives kant the choice. but it's not a real choice. kant's answer is already laid out for him.

and i think that's where the dissonance entered. you see hints of annoyance and frustration before then, but the much more subtle 'off' feeling that i felt started around then. and i think it's bc for all intents and purposes kant was already completely submitting to bison's will. he was already going along w whatever bison wanted bc he had to, bc he needed bison to trust him, bc saying no to anything thrown his way wasn't (and had never been) an option.

but ofc bison didn't know that. he just wanted to dom his boy. but i think he could also feel the reluctance and the confusion around it all. bc despite what he said and did to reassure bison that he was into it and wanted it too, kant was always subconsciously resisting. and as i said i think there's a lot in that too, it's not simply one thing - bison is a murderer at the end of the day, and dom/sub dynamics are supposed to be built primarily on trust, and kant didn't trust bison not to hurt him too much or go too far. it was also clearly a new thing to him considering he didn't even know what a safeword was. and it was maybe even some weird sense of loyalty to christ. you know what they say: you can't serve two masters. and kant already had one. he was already collared and chained, already submitting. and kant's current master had an awful lot of power over him. he knew what kind of punishment awaited him if he disobeyed.

but above all else kant knew he couldn't really say no. and he hated that.

and so we're back to choice again. the one thing kant has never had. here he is getting forced into submission again - not by bison, but by circumstance. and so no matter what he says or does or how into it he really does seem, there's always this subtle reluctance that rolls off of him. there's always just something off about it all. (which, thinking about, may have been one of the reasons why so many people were turned off by kantbison, bc there was just something not quite right in the vibes, but i digress)

but obviously things change. kant accidentally falls in love with bison, despite his best intentions. and, maybe even more importantly, bison falls in love with kant. and that love changes bison - bison, who needed power so desperately when they first met that he turned nearly every interaction they had into a game of tug of war. bison who, despite not necessarily needing kant's submission, would also never ever give in to kant's will, not even a little. but that same bison falls for kant, and he begins to yield. starts to let himself just be, and by extension let kant just be too. bison begins to settle, become a little docile. he lays on kant's chest and kisses his feet. he rolls onto his back and lets kant loom big and dominating over him, despite how desperate he once was for power. and kant is clever, he knows that's what bison wanted. that's why he gave into him all the time. but by letting kant maintain some of the power in their relationship without a fight, he's basically telling kant i would like you to submit to me, but i don't need it. i just want you. and kant hears that. and that changes things. because without knowing it or even really meaning to, he's given kant a choice.

and we all know what kant chooses.

and to be clear, for the most part i think this is all happening on a subconscious level without either really realising it or thinking about what's happening. but the choice is conscious. it's his. and kant chooses the master that gives him the option to choose. that choice changes everything for kant. everything. it recalibrates his whole world view, his whole life. and the minute he chooses (chooses!) bison, he submits himself to him wholeheartedly. he puts the collar on himself.

but we don't get the reality of what that means until ep 8 bc of yknow. all the stabbing and kidnapping and manipulation and retraumatisation and scheming such. but then we do see it. and we see just how deep it goes for kant, that ease of submission, and his desire for it. how he doesn't run despite having many, many opportunities to do so. how he doesn't eat even when bison's nowhere to be found and he has freshly cooked food in his hands bc bison hasn't said he can. how he doesn't untie himself despite being able to bc bison tied him up for a reason. and sure, all of that is love too, and it's also playing nice bc he desperately wants bison's forgiveness. but this is all also an active form of submission, the same way a dog submits to their owner when they say sit, down, stay, wait. a good dog doesn't eat until it's given permission. and ultimately doesn't the fact that kant safewords tell us exactly what kind of state of mind he's in? what he thinks about their situation and their relationship? (and i won't go over it bc i've already talked about in length here but the act of safewording truly said so, so much)

and yknow, thinking about it really it shouldn't even be surprising bc we were literally shown who kant was back when they first met. and what did he do? went when bison said to go, came when bison said to come back. bison said you're not doing this alone and kant sat still and let bison ride him to his heart's content. it was very subtle, but he really was submitting to bison in little ways all the way back then! the signs were there!

and the beautiful thing about it to me is that in episode 8 there is not a single moment of dissonance between kant and bison. there's no more weird vibes. there's just kant and the first choice he's ever got to make. kant and his chosen master. kant and the hand at the end of his leash. kant and bison.

[nerves-nebula]

this gonna be a bitchy post lacking in nuance but who cares. im annoyed.

child predators and abusers will use literally whatever is most effective to groom someone, that's kind of the whole fuckin point. pointing out that they can use certain media to groom kids is like pointing out that you can drink liquids. like yea you sure can. you can groom a kid through their interest in sesame street. you can groom a kid with adventure time. you can twist even the most harmless story book with a Nice Upstanding Moral at the end into whatever you want.

when i was in high school I basically fell in love with any teacher that gave me food cuz i was fucking starving and that's a way more effective way to gain my trust than like, idk, sketchy fandom porn. (which i also loved as a kid/teen but I never really talked to people online or in person about it cuz i didnt wanna get adults in trouble!) and if someone online was weird to me back then i just ghosted them cuz i didn't have to exist in meat space with them if they made me uncomfortable.

anyway back to my point: should we ban granola bars cuz they were a way to fast-track the trust of food insecure kids? the way some of y'all talk about abuse, and grooming in specific is so frustrating, like, what are you fuckin talking about. grooming is a series of actions a person chooses to take to get what they want, it's manipulation, what they use to groom people with is entirely situational and moreover irrelevant.

should we all just sit in 5 x 5 cubes and paint neutral faces on a canvas till we die or should we try to have systems in place to prevent adults from gaining so much control over kids just by being kind of nice to them. and that's not even getting into how censorship literally never works the way you might want it to. it's impossible to create censorship that isn't inherently bigoted and useless because the only people with the power to properly censor are the people with the most power in general. and they do not like the rest of us. and they are also often on the side of abusers, if not abusers themselves!

yall will gives thousands of notes to posts that basically say they want the haze code back cuz you're too dumb and reactionary to think about fucking anything other than "child abuse bad so i guess i agree." then go patting yourselves on the back without having helped a single child.

yall love to feel vindicated more than you care about victims. don't act like anything you do is for the survivors if your focus is always on retribution or censorship against the abusers. you don't care about us. you don't remember we even exist half the time. none of you have looked into what actually helps us, none of you internalize our complicated feelings, none of you are willing to ease up on your christian ideas of sex and sexuality unless we explain our entire traumatic backstories to you. and then you say we're broken and need help, as if what we don't really need is for you to back us up or leave us the fuck alone.

none of you care. you just wanna find acceptable targets for your anger so you can feel good about destroying the Bad Person. dont piss me off

[scripts4dreamers]

All I see

AN: So, I wrote a Garrus Vakarian piece a while back and one of my friends pointed out that I had committed the cardinal sin, which is making two characters have healthy communication about an issue. She said "where is the ANGST. Where is the CODEPENDENCY" and, you know what? She's a real one for that. So, here is me going back to my teen years, rewriting a similar situation with 10x the miscommunication and jealousy, plus my ham fisted attempt at smut, which I usually avoid. I hope you enjoy! Warnings: Mature, sexual content and themes Spoilers: None

As he watched Shepard stumble off to the bathroom, her naked skin catching the light in a way that made him ache, Garrus had to admit, he’d really screwed himself this time. It had seemed so harmless at first, just two friends helping one another unwind, a much needed release of tension after hard fights with the added bonus of getting to try something new sexually with someone he could trust. Casual, meaningless sex. He’d done it before, he’d even enjoyed doing it before but, damnit, it had gotten complicated quickly. Not for Shepard. No, as far as Garrus could tell she was thoroughly enjoying their arrangement but, then again, Shepard hadn’t been violently suppressing her feelings for him for the better part of three years. Shepard wasn’t a closeted hopeless romantic whose heart famously lived in her dick. Shepard didn’t live in a ship - hell, a universe - filled to the brim with people who wanted to fuck Garrus. Oh no, that particular punishment was reserved solely for him.

It was a strange kind of torment to watch the woman you’ve been falling for for years, your best friend in the galaxy, and the universe’s only hope, get flirted with by every Turian, Asari, Drell and Human they came across mere hours after she was screaming your name and coming all over your cock as she begged you to pull her hair harder, but here Garrus was. At first it hadn’t bothered him much. Shepard was powerful, she was beautiful, she was charismatic and charming, she was dependable and dutiful and creative. She was irresistible to him, so how could he begrudge her for being irresistible to everyone else as well? And, most importantly, she came home to him. Let the security guy at C-Sec daydream about the famous Commander Shepard, he would think to himself, it was Garrus who got to make that dream a reality. But then time started to pass, the sex got infinitely better and Garrus’ feelings for Shepard got infinitely more complicated.

Garrus’s long held assertion that his feelings for Shepard were just a temporary infatuation stemming from how much she had changed his life on board the Normandy SR1 mixed with the heady, intoxicating relief of finding out she wasn’t dead had started to ring hollow. Too much time had passed and his feelings were too tender and specific. He couldn’t blame his desire for her on mere curiosity anymore either, or on the normal urges that pop up between crew mates on high stakes missions. He couldn’t even consider what they were doing just fucking anymore. In his mind he had started using other phrases; sleeping together, going to bed, being intimate, all things that had not been part of their initial agreement and were not considered casual, no strings attached sex. It was getting in his head and, unfortunately, Shepard had started to notice. She hadn’t said anything to him outright about his weird behaviour, but he could see that she wanted to. She was giving Garrus a chance to bring it up himself which, for obvious reasons, he couldn’t do.

In short, his stupid, achy, sentimental heart was dangerously close to ruining a good thing for him. Because, to be clear, this arrangement was a very good thing for Garrus. His battlefield chemistry with Shepard, which Garrus considered to be unmatched, so perfectly aligned that it sometimes made him want to believe in god just to have an explanation, paled in comparison to what they could do to one another in bed. It had taken them a while to get there, of course. Their first time had been so overshadowed by nerves and adrenaline and the sheer newness of it all that they had both been somewhat bumbling but, even then, it had been one of the best nights of his life. He had never been able to laugh with someone in bed, to clang his head against theirs wrong and not spoil the moment. It had been so exciting to have to learn someone’s body again, to be taught what she liked, to show her what he liked. They had been so eager, so well meaning and comfortable around each other that any awkwardness seemed endearing, and they were both quick studies.

He heard the shower start up. It was late, probably coming up on 2am, but Shepard hated going to bed sweaty and he’d put her through her paces that night, hoping to drown the memories of the young Asari who had playfully pulled Shepard’s hair at Afterlife and offered to take her home in memories of him, of the pleasure he could bring her. He was starting to worry that he’d been too rough. Shepard hadn’t said anything to make him feel that way, if anything she had seemed very receptive to the way his talons had dug into her hips and ass, but still. Garrus had been angry for a moment there and he never wanted to take that out on Shepard. If nothing else, she was his best friend. She had been there for him through everything, she didn’t deserve to become his punching bag just because his feelings got hurt.

Feeling guilty, Garrus followed the sound of the shower into the bathroom, crossing his arms over his carapace and merely watching for a moment. Shepard was so human. She was humming to herself, a tuneless melody that spoke to how satisfied she was. He could see the beginning of bruises on her hips and the slight outline of his teeth where he had bitten her shoulder and his guilt intensified. She just looked so…so vulnerable without her clothes or armor on. Her body curved and bent in places he couldn’t understand. Every inch of her was soft and unprotected, even her neck, chest and thighs which, he felt, should really have some sort of plating, if only to protect her main arteries. The smell of her shampoo, mixed with their lingering sex was heady and, as he watched her run her hands over her neck he could feel the first stirrings of arousal, but he pushed it down. She caught his eye and gave him that special knowing smile she reserved just for nights like his and beckoned him in. Garrus knew he shouldn’t, but he hated denying her anything, especially when it was something he also wanted desperately.

The warm rain felt wonderful against his plates, but it was nothing compared to Shepard’s water-slick skin beneath his palms. He licked a stripe down the back of her neck, letting his rough tongue scrape over the sensitive skin at the base of her ear and where her neck and shoulder met. She hummed her appreciation as he massaged her lower back, pulling her against his carapace and slowly moving his attention to her thighs.

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely into her ear as he traced the blossoming bruises, “I-uh-I got a little carried away.”

She chuckled, “Yeah, you were really in it there, huh? Don’t apologize though, it was hot.”

He flushed, the skin of his torso and neck darkening slightly at the praise, “Still, I know I need to be more careful with-” he gestured with his talons.

Shepard rolled her eyes dramatically, turning to face him, “I’m not made of glass, Vakarian,” she reminded him leaning back against the shower wall and tugging him forward as she pressed her thigh in between his legs, “I’m not going to shatter if you squeeze me wrong.”

He groaned as her thigh pressed up against his groin plate, which was already loose and getting looser by the second.

“No, you won’t shatter,” he conceded, leaning his head down so his forehead was almost touching hers, his hands finding purchase on her lower back as he rolled his hips against her thigh, “but you might pop. You humans do have very thin skin.”

She chuckled, moving her hand up to absentmindedly scrape the back of his neck, “I trust you,” she said, her voice uncharacteristically tender.

Her eyes met his, wide and soft with affection and the complete acceptance she had always offered him so freely. He remembered that exact same look in her eye when she had first met him on the Citadel, when he’d told her about Dr Saleon, when he’d gone back to the Citadel. There had been something else in her eyes when she found him on Omega, a kind of frantic relief that still made him thrum with pleasure to remember, but the acceptance had never wavered. Whether he deserved it…well, he tried to. Spirits, he was always trying to. It was too easy to imagine things being different when she looked at him like that. If he wasn’t careful he would lose himself to the fantasy of them, so he pushed it away.

“Still,” he replied lamely, just to say something.

There was a moment of silence, Shepard’s gaze turning knowing as she waited, again, for an explanation of his behavior that wasn’t forthcoming.

“So,” Shepard eventually continued, “what got you so worked up, Vakarian? Could it have been that pretty little Human that was all over you at Afterlife?”

Garrus recoiled, genuinely stunned, “Excuse me?”

“Sarah,” she laughed, “you remember, she bought you those drinks to say thank you for helping me solve Nef’s murder?”

Garrus frowned, “The blonde?”

“Yes, the blonde!”

Garrus vaguely remembered her, but blonde was really the best he could do. At the time he had been preoccupied by the Asari and the hair pulling and all the giggling that was happening while he tried not to shatter the glass he was holding.

“No, she wasn’t-” Garrus started, “you think she was hitting on me?”

For a moment Shepard’s smile almost looked strained, but it vanished before he could be sure as she sighed dramatically and pushed off the wall. For a second she was flush against Garrus, making his breath catch in his throat and sending a bolt of desire straight to his cock, but then she just brushed by him, hopping out of the shower and wrapping herself in a towel.

“She was definitely hitting on you,” she continued, as though nothing had happened, “she even gave me her number to give to you.”

Garrus let out a breath of frustration, but secretly relished the teasing as he followed her out of the shower and back into the main bedroom.

“No she didn’t,” he insisted, “you’re making this up.”

“Swear to god,” Shepard insisted, rifling through her nightstand and pulling out an Afterlife napkin.

She passed it over to him, her wet fingers eating away at the corners of the paper but not yet blurring the little string of numbers written in loopy, black ink next to the name ‘Sarah’. There was another number too, and another name; ‘Ameera’, and Garrus felt that roiling, heavy jealousy sink into the pit of his stomach again.

“You didn’t give this to me,” he pointed out.

She snorted, having settled on the bed and now roughly towel drying her hair, “I was going to, but you were fairly, shall we say, preoccupied when you arrived here. Either way, I’m giving it to you now.”

Shepard was right, when he’d shown up at her cabin he’d barely given her time to say ‘come in’ before he was slipping his tongue into her mouth and dragging his talons down her sides, but he wasn’t in the mood to be reasonable and fair.

“Seems like I’m not the only one with an admirer,” he pointed out, “you-uh-you gonna call this Ameera person?”

Shepard shrugged, an inscrutable look on her face, “I hadn’t given it much thought, really,” she said, “seems like a big risk with everything going on. Plus,” she smiled at him, “I’m not sure I’m really looking for anything else right now.”

Garrus barely heard her.

His own jealousy was pounding in his head and, before he could think it through, he heard himself say, “You should. It would be nice to finally get a break from being the person in charge of keeping you satisfied. Maybe we should do a double date.”

She didn’t respond for a long time, just holding his gaze as something he couldn’t identify flickered across her face. Hurt maybe? Embarrassment? Whatever it was, it made Garrus feel like an ass, but he was still riding too high on pride and jealousy to admit he may have crossed a line.

“Is that what you want?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Garrus replied immediately, the lie coming easier than he had expected, “the blonde-” he checked her name on the tissue, “Sarah, was cute. Plus, we could use a night out, right?”

Shepard didn’t meet his eye, moving to her wardrobe and pulling on clothes, “Sure. You set it up with Sarah and I’ll call Ameera,” she said simply.

Garrus knew he’d messed up somewhere. The way Shepard was moving was mechanical, militaristic, the way she stripped down and armored up before missions rather than the lazy, teasing way she tended to get dressed when they were together. She didn’t try to look at or talk to him. She didn’t suggest that he get dressed, or tell him to leave, but he felt like he should anyway.

“Yeah, I-uh-” Garrus cleared his throat, slowly starting to pull his own clothes on, “I’ll do that. Is there anywhere on Omega you particularly want to go, or anything you want to do?”

Shepard shrugged with one shoulder, still not really looking at him as she buttoned up her pajama top, “Whatever you want, Garrus. You know Omega better than I do. Maybe ask Sarah.”

Ouch. Yeah, okay, he was definitely being dismissed. He wanted to take all this back, slip back into their little bubble of post-coital bliss, but he didn’t know how to. He wasn’t even sure what exactly had happened, but it was clear that he had shattered something delicate.

He stood, moving behind her and gently wrapping his arms around her waist. If she had been Turian, this would have been an explicitly sexual move, but he knew it wasn’t the same for humans. Still, he kept his touch gentle, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head. Shepard froze, letting out a small breath, but otherwise did not react at all. Reluctantly, Garrus let go.

“Goodnight, Shepard.” he said, hoping she could hear the apology in his voice.

She gave him a weak, half-hearted smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, “Night, Garrus.”

And as the door slid shut between them, leaving Garrus to make his way slowly to the crew quarters on his own, he couldn’t help but marvel that, this time, it was his mouth, not his heart, that was ruining a good thing.

—

As it turned out, Sarah was very sweet, very talkative and very boring. She seemed thrilled to be out with a Turian and especially one so handsome and rugged looking she kept reminding him. She had been so enthusiastic about the date when he called that it had actually made Garrus think that maybe it hadn’t been a terrible, impulsive mistake brought on by his own immaturity but, 20 minutes in and Garrus was already wondering if he could fake a Normandy emergency and bail. He was nervous and hyper alert, not out of a desire to have the date go well, but because he knew that Shepard and Ameera would be arriving any minute. Shepard, gentlewomen that she was, had insisted on picking Ameera up from her apartment and walking her to the place Garrus had selected, suggesting to Garrus that this would give them both time to get to know their dates one-on-one before all joining up for drinks.

Garrus had selected a hole-in-the-wall place where they played live music, but people could still have a conversation. They served good drinks for cheap and, with how dull Sarah was, Garrus was taking full advantage. Consequently, by the time Sarah squealed out a greeting and jumped up to hug the incoming guests, Garrus had already developed a bit of a buzz.

Which was a mistake.

He took one look at Shepard, saw her arm strung carelessly around Ameera’s waist, met her eyes and-spirits alive, what the fuck was he thinking? This whole thing was a fucking terrible idea. She looked good. More than good, she looked ravishing. She had wrapped her soft, curvy frame in a black dress that left very little to the imagination. Her shoulders were bare, the dress’ long sleeves falling down her upper arms in a way that screamed casual elegance. Her hair was styled so that it all fell over her left shoulder in soft waves. Her eyes were lined with black, her lips painted a deep blood red that he longed to smudge against her skin with his thumb. Worst of all, her waist was wrapped in something - a corset, the functional part of his brain supplied - which had been tightened to accentuate her already mesmerizing figure. He hadn’t even known she owned a corset. He also noticed, with a rush of possessiveness, that she had covered his bite mark with makeup. That wouldn’t do, a feral part of him whispered, that wouldn’t do at all.

When their eyes met the world went quiet for a moment. Nothing else existed. No one else mattered, just Garrus and Shepard. His Shepard. He wanted to pull her close and bury his head in her hair. He wanted to kiss that red lipstick right off her, he wanted to see it smeared across his chest plates as she trailed her lips along his torso and-

She looked away, smiling as Sarah - his actual date - jumped up and pulled her into a hug and the moment ended. Sound and movement returned to the world and Garrus found himself awkwardly greeting Ameera and doing the classic ‘haha, aren’t humans so strange with their random acts of public affection’ shtick as their dates talked and he tried to convince his body to calm down.

Ameera seemed nice, if a bit cool with him, her eyes flicking to Shepard with an air of possessiveness that he understood better than most. He almost wanted to laugh at the way the Asari kept a hand on her at all times, angling her body so that she was between Shepard and Sarah, as though Sarah was the threat rather than Garrus, whose genital plates were embarrassingly loose just from looking at Shepard.

“Sorry we’re late,” Shepard sighed, “the walk took a little longer than I had anticipated.”

“We got lost,” Ameera gushed, squeezing Shepard’s arm, “just too busy talking I suppose.”

Yeah right, Garrus thought to himself. How do you live on Omega and get lost on a walk? Still, he gritted his teeth and smiled.

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Sarah assured, “Garrus and I were having a lovely chat.”

Shepard’s eyes flicked to him, as though looking for his confirmation, and he forced himself to agree, “Yeah, glad you took your time.”

He ushered the new couple into the booth he had picked out and was immediately confronted by another unwitting mistake. He had picked a small circular booth that was far enough away from the stage to facilitate talking and private enough that no one was likely to notice the famous Commander Shepard. This meant that, when they all took their seats, and with Ameera insisting on being between her date and Sarah, Garrus found himself next to Shepard rather than across from her. He had been preparing to be across from her. As it was, her bare thigh was pressed against his leg, their torsos mere inches apart as they settled in. His breath caught in his throat and he was immensely grateful that no one at the table could register sub harmonics. There was a moment of tense silence.

“So, what’s everyone drinking?” Shepard asked, breaking the awkwardness with her casual, easy charm.

Conversation restarted, flowing more easily than he had feared, even as every nerve in his body seemed focussed on the tantalising pressure of Shepard’s leg against his own. This was going to be a long, long night.

—

By the time they slipped out of the bar Garrus had picked out, Shepard was wrecked. The constant scrape of his leg against hers, his voice so close to her ear, rumbling through her like a rockslide, the tension between them and the steady stream of drinks had left her feeling strung out and jittery. Ameera had, luckily, interpreted it as nerves. She had agreed to let Shepard walk her home which both made Shepard very happy and Garrus seemingly very unhappy. He had flared his mandibles in a way that, to her, read as aggression, but that Ameera seemed unphased by when she’d suggested it. Whatever it had meant, the sight had reminded Shepard of what it felt like to run her tongue along that mandible, how he moaned and sighed her name when she followed her tongue with her teeth and bit down on the soft skin of his jaw. The corset had been a dig. Honestly, her whole outfit had been a dig, and she was mortified to discover that she was the one suffering, not him.

The whole night had been a disaster. From the second she had arrived and seen that little blonde all over Garrus, she had known that there was no way this would work. No amount of friendship and desire to be the best companion to Garrus she could be could override her natural inclination to lose her shit when someone came for her man.

Not that Garrus was actually her man, she reminded herself. They weren’t anything, really. Just friends helping one another scratch an itch. They were like sparring partners, just naked sparring partners. That had been the agreement, casual, no attachments or obligations, just pure sex. She had thought she could handle doing things the Turian way but seeing Garrus with Sarah had felt like an omniblade to the gut. She was a soldier, she knew she could push her feelings down and put on a brave face but it was clear that their arrangement had to end, and sooner rather than later. How to tell Garrus that without revealing that she tripped and fallen into having a seismic, friendship ruining crush on him would be something she worked out later. Right now she just had to get through the night and make it back to her cabin so she could sob her eyes out in peace.

Right at that moment Ameera snapped her out of her sulking by squeezing her waist, and Shepard felt a pang of guilt. She really was lovely and charming, if a bit possessive. If things had been different-if Shepard could be different, then maybe-

“This is mine,” Ameera sighed, stopping outside the door.

There was a moment where Shepard wasn’t sure what to do.

“Well, I’ll-uh-oh!”

Before she could finish, Ameera had backed her up against a streetlamp and kissed her. Shepard froze for a second but then thought, fuck it. Ameera’s lips were soft, so much more like a human’s than Garrus’ and, as she slid her hands up into Shepard’s hair, she couldn’t help but sigh. Ameera definitely knew what she was doing. Her tongue, so short and smooth, teased Shepard’s bottom lip, asking for entrance, which Shepard granted instinctively. Ameera’s body was soft and forgiving where it pressed against her own, her hands were gentle and familiar as they carded through Shepard’s hair. It was nice. It was simple and all Shepard could think about was Garrus. When they broke apart, breathless, and panting, Ameera’s eyes were bright and sparkling and Shepard felt sick with wanting, sick with needing something she knew Ameera couldn’t give.

“Do you-do you want to come up?” she asked.

Shepard bit her lip, her mind and body warring with one another for a moment before she forcibly took a step back and shook her head, “Thank you for a lovely evening, Ameera.”

The Asari looked disappointed for a moment, but didn’t push, letting Shepard slip away into the night without insisting she call again. It was a relief. As the cold air bit into her skin, Shepard finally felt her head start to clear. Desire still pounded through her like a kick drum, but she could at least order her thoughts into something resembling coherence. The walk back to the Normandy’s docking station was long, long enough for Shepard to start planning the conversation she would have to have with Garrus sometime in the coming days. It broke her heart to even consider severing the connection they had been building. In all her years of service, no one had ever understood her the way Garrus did. No one had ever made her feel safer or more comfortable, no one could pull her out of her head and back into her body the way he could. He was her best friend, but he needed something she couldn’t give him and, as much as she wanted to cling to what they had, she had to love him enough to let him go.

EDI welcomed her back to the ship, which was silent and empty at this time of night. She took a deep breath, letting the familiar surroundings sooth her fraying nerves. She wondered if Garrus had even come back to the Normandy. Had Sarah made him the same offer Ameera had given Shepard? Had he accepted? She stepped into the elevator, torturing herself by imagining Sarah and Garrus tangled up together, his hands on her hips, her head thrown back as he tasted her neck. No awkward learning phase for them. No, Garrus knew how to pleasure human women now. At least she’d helped with that, she thought bitterly.

The elevator dinged, opening on the door to her cabin and Shepard sighed with relief, desperate to wash this horrific night off her as soon as possible. She stepped inside, catching a glimpse of herself reflected in the glass of the fishtank. At least she looked good. Kasumi had talked her into buy this dress on their last trip to the Citadel, she had to remember to-

“Garrus,” she said, shocked to find him sitting on the edge of her bed, holding his head with his elbows resting on his knees.

He looked up, his blue eyes dark with something that made her skin tingle, and let out a breath of his own, standing and making his way towards her quickly.

“Shepard,” he replied, his voice dripping with relief and some other emotion she couldn’t identify as he gripped her waist with one hand and cupped her face with the other. He brought his head down, resting his forehead against hers, “I wasn’t sure you were coming back.”

“I wasn’t sure you were coming back,” she replied, trying for a light tone and failing miserably, “Sarah seemed really into you.”

He growled, his hand tightening on her waist, “Fuck Sarah. Shepard, this whole night was-”

“I can’t do this anymore, Garrus,” she said quickly, forcing the words out before the comfort of his presence shook her resolve, “I’m sorry, I thought I could but I-” she detangled the bodies, taking half a step back and crossing her arms over her chest, “I just can’t.”

He looked like she had slapped him and Shepard felt her heart break just a little more at the confusion in his face.

“You can’t-what?” he asked, stepping towards her again, one arm still outstretched as though to hold her, “I don’t understand.”

Shepard was mortified to find that tears were pricking at the corners of her eyes and threatening to spill over and she tried to force them back with sheer willpower.

“I’m not a Turian,” she eventually said with a rueful laugh, “I thought I could handle sleeping with you and you sleeping with other people, but I can’t, alright? I’m a stupid fucking sentimental human and I just can’t have you all to myself at night and then watch you cozy up to other women during the day. It’s too hard, I can’t do it.”

Well, fuck. That was not what she had practiced. What happened to ‘the good of the mission’ and ‘too busy’ and ‘need to start getting more sleep’? She had so many lines prepared that didn’t boil down to ‘love me, love me, love me’ and that is what came out of her mouth? She felt vulnerable and exposed, like a bug under a microscope. All her ugliness was on display, all her insecurity, her jealousy, her weakness. She hated it. Every instinct told her she needed to bolt, but she felt like she was anchored to the ground, held in place by Garrus’s eyes on her, heavy and dark with expectation.

He was quiet for a long time before he let out a bark of harsh laughter, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“What?”

He did grab her now, pulling her hips against his as he continued, “You think I want anyone else? You think I haven’t been going out of my fucking mind waiting for you to come back, just praying-praying, Shepard-that you weren’t off falling in love with that Asari somewhere?” His voice was frantic, words spilling out like water from a faucet that had been opened too wide. She opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out and Garrus just continued, “Every time that woman touched you I wanted to rip her arm off.” he traced her lips with one of his talons, his eyes flicking between following the path of his finger and holding her own, “Did you really think that coming home to me with your lipstick smudged, smelling like some other woman wouldn’t drive me insane?”

God almighty he was sexy when he was angry. She knew there were things she needed to unpack, feelings that needed discussing when the waves of relief stopped cresting over her, but all that seemed to matter was that Garrus wanted her. Garrus wanted her. Not just someone to take the edge off, but her specifically. He had been waiting for her, not just because he knew she was someone he could fuck, but because he was worried, he was jealous, he was hoping she would come back to him. It was almost too good to be true.

“You said this was what you wanted,” she pushed back, feeling the hot flame of desire pulse through her “I asked-I asked you, Garrus.”

“I lied!” he replied, “I was insecure and jealous and I lied. I’m a terrible Turian, Shepard, you know this. I haven’t wanted anyone but you since-since-” his voice trailed off and he squeezed her waist, suddenly shy.

No, no, no, she thought to herself, you’re not getting away from me this time. She slid her hands up his torso, letting her fingers graze the soft skin of his lower back in the way that made his muscles clench. He bit back a moan and she felt her body respond in kind.

“Since when?” she asked breathlessly.

“Shepard-”

“Tell me,” she insisted, “you made me sit through three hours of drinks while watching Sarah’s hand climb steadily up your thigh, you owe me.”

“You showed up dressed like this,” he countered, his left hand dragging over the corset’s boning, “we’re even.”

“Garrus,” she warned.

He sighed, “Omega. The moment I saw you through my scope.”

“You shot me,” she reminded him, her whole body flooding with warmth.

He let out a breath of laughter, “You were taking your sweet time. I needed you to-” he sighed, leaning in and nuzzling into the crook of her neck, “I needed you.”

“That’s a long time to wait,” she said.

He let out a shaking, shuddering breath, “You have no idea.”

“Oh, yeah?” she teased, hooking her fingers under his jaw and gently forcing him to meet her eye, “try me.”

She pulled him close, pressing her lips to his and pouring every ounce of pent up loneliness and confusion and jealousy into him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him, sighing when he immediately returned her affection in kind. God, how could she ever have doubted that this man wanted her? How could she not have assumed that they were in this together, the way they had been in everything else together? His hands wrapped around her back, toying with the ribbons of her corset before sliding down to grip her ass. His tongue scraped against her teeth and she could feel his groin plates shifting to make space for his cock to press against her stomach. His body was hard and unforgiving beneath her, his hands were sharp where they dug into her skin. They were incompatible, two people that evolution had never meant to meet and yet all she could think as he moved his mouth down her neck was yes, yes, yes.

He was alien, but he was completely hers and, as his reverent touch grew harsher and more frantic, she knew they would fight like hell to get back to each other, come what may. Garrus nipped at her neck, backing her up against the fishtank as his hands travelled past her ass to the back of her thighs. She whimpered as the coolness of the tank against her back clashed with the sharpness of his talons scraping against her soft skin. Her core was aching. She bucked into his hips, chasing a friction she knew he wouldn’t provide until he was good and ready, but relishing the deep groan it pulled out of him anyway as she pressed herself against his dick.

“Garrus-” she breathed.

He ignored her, engrossed in his task of lavishing the column of her throat and cleavage with attention. As his tongue dragged across the skin of her breasts, which were pushed up and on display thanks to the corset, his talons continued their exploration of her thighs, moving from just below the curve of her ass, down and around until they were toying with the skin just below the hem of her skirt. He loved teasing her this way, only applying enough pressure to make her skin dimple and keep her painfully aware of how slowly he was moving.

“I swear, Garrus, if you rip my dress-” she started.

He chuckled and she flushed at the edge of desperation in his voice, “No, this dress should be put in a museum. It’s a cultural artifact. It’’l be the prosecution’s smoking gun when they find me dead tomorrow morning. No, there will be no ripping of the dress.”

Instead he merely slipped one of his hands beneath the hem, making her whine as he trailed his talons along her inner thigh, up, up, up-

She could hear his voice catching as he teased her, alternating between gripping her skin with his fingers and using his talons to hold her attention on the growing need between her legs. Garrus had a terrible habit of making her beg but, with the way his mandibles were flaring, his breath shaky and barely contained, she knew she wouldn’t have to wait long. She tilted his face up to hers, taking a second to press her lips to the mangled scar that covered so much of his right mandible. It was a small tenderness, a self-indulgent reminder that he was real, that he was there, that, despite the odds, he had survived. She loved that damn scar. She loved it more than anything else in the world even if she would never say it, but maybe he knew. Maybe he knew and that’s why it was that kiss that made his fragile resolve crack right down the middle.

Garrus made a sound that was half curse, half groan and there was the sound of ripping. Shepard felt her nice underwear slip down her thighs, completely wrecked and a pleasurable knot of anticipation coiled in her abdomen. She opened her mouth to say something sardonic and witty but it caught in her throat and became a gasp when he plunged two of his fingers into her heat. His fingers were long and thick, two of them at once, especially with no build up, sent a shock of that delicious pain that bordered on pleasure through her. She was tight, too tight. She could vaguely hear him whispering praises in her ear about that, telling her how badly he wanted to feel her clench around his cock, but it was all senseless noise dissolving into the feeling of fullness, the completeness of his fingers inside her, just gently brushing that spot that made her feel like she was dying. It was astonishing how wet she was, how immediately ready her body was to stretch to accommodate him, how much of a relief it was to have him fill her again, but he wouldn’t move. She needed him to fuck her with those fingers, but he held them still, forcing her to feel every inch of her body stretching to make room for him.

“F-oh god, fuck, Garrus-” she breathed, instinctively gripping his wrist as she stretched around his fingers.

He growled and kissed her hard, pressing his third finger to her clit, rubbing tight, soft little circles around it in that way that made her thighs tremble. His tongue in her mouth, the ice cold glass against her inflamed skin, his fingers inside her, her clit sending shockwaves of pleasure through every nerve in her body as his thumb traced it relentlessly, it was too much. It was always too much, but he didn’t stop because he knew how badly she wanted this, how much she craved the clashing sensations, how she needed him to take her apart completely before she could put herself back together again. He moved his mouth to her ear, sucking a dark bruise onto the skin at the corner of her jaw, timed perfectly to coincide with him thrusting his fingers into her. Her hips bucked, chasing the friction and she looked down.

“Oh, fuck,” she groaned.

There was something so goddamn hot about seeing Garrus’ hand beneath her skirt with the soft fabric bunched up over his forearm. She could just barely make out his fingers moving inside of her, so private and mysterious while her whole body melted into his touch. It was obscene. It was fucking holy. It was-

Garrus picked up his pace and her brain short circuited. Her head fell back against the fishtank, eyes fluttering shut as she sighed and moaned, her cunt clenching around his fingers as he wound her tighter and tighter, until she felt like she was about to snap. He was whispering praises into her ear that her translator couldn’t understand, but all that she registered was the sound of his voice. That voice, wrecked with wanting, strained like he was struggling to keep himself together as he brought her closer and closer to her peak. That voice that had always kept her sane, that had been driving her mad all evening, washing over her like a river. It was so perfectly Garrus, so she kissed him. She kissed him because she couldn’t think, couldn’t talk, couldn’t breathe while he fucked her open with his fingers. She kissed him because she needed more, and because her lipstick just looked so damn good on his skin and he moaned her name, his cock hard and throbbing where it pressed against her hip. She bucked into him again, grinding against his fingers as the coil inside her tightened and tightened and tightened until he crooked his fingers up and pressed them against that place inside her that made everything go white. It was good, and then it was really good and then it was better and then-oh god, fuck, fuck, yes, oh god, just like that, fuck-

She arched her back and cried out something broken and desperate as she came hard against his fingers, trembling and clenching around him as the aftershocks tore through her. He fucked her through it, his fingers moving more and more slowly as she came down from the high, his voice a constant soothing presence in her ear. When he kissed her next it was gentle, relieved even.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, pressing kisses to the side of her neck.

“And I’m yours,” she breathed, “just yours.”

She felt him react to that, his hips involuntarily bucking into her as he groaned. She smiled wickedly, pushing him back towards the bed. It was going to be a long, long night.

[muniimyg]

OKAYYYYY MY THOUGHTS (I have so many of them)

first of all - this fic is a mf masterpiece

the tension, them being mean to each other and jk being a simp UGH!😩😩😩😩 I want him so bad

the scene where he asks her to feed him and I’m like this man is NAWT shying away and so he is THAT kinda boyfriend like.

and him not going to that function because “his girl” is sick. like I was shy reading this as if he was speaking about me🤣🤣🤣 and the dolphins book he finds - oc was such a cutie for that🥰

and then the scene where they Yk do THAT when he is wearing his glasses I FOLDED. I FOLDED SO BAD CAUSE HE IS SO HOT AND THWIR BED CHEM WAS BED CHEM-ING.

and then the jealousy era like girl why would you push his button like that but also valid cause walk him like a dog sis 😁

And then their talk and finally a man who has communication skills 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 cause real men just cannot🤓 at least the ones I have dealt which. Just like oc only had situationships😁 waiting for my jk now.

and then they started dating and everything is amazing in the world again😪💕

in all - a mf masterpiece like I said ❤️

you have done it once again.

Just a future drabble if you decide to do it - the gangs reaction when they found they are together 🤨🤨 jus a small little idea hehe

Also big props to you for writing this in a fic cause I can imagine how stressful that might have been plus you being sick. hope you are feeling better ❤️

also my take on ranking the kimi verse jk’s - ITS VERY HARD

fuck - bed chem jk (Obviously) but also like c2u jk cause laundry scene was insane 😭

kiss - aao jk or baby daddy jk

marry - baby daddy jk no questions asked

WE DONT KILL c2u jk in DIS HOUSE CAUSE HE IS SUCH A CUTIE 😭😭💕

ok lemme yap with u 🤝

tension/dynamic

i've been absolutely CRAVING to write a tension filled fic where they both want each other but don't know how to have each other. oh my god,,, did this concept absolutely scratch my brain.

i personally had to think for a hot minute abt their banter cos,,, yes, banter is 60% of their chem,,, but the stillness??? between them??? the way they react to each comeback??? how they look at each other or stand or sit too close??? how thick the air feels and how easy it would be to just have them kiss??? oh !!!! i really had to sit in their moment and intensify their feelings

the tension between them was slow with a sense of pressure... ugh. i really wanted to emphasize that their situation was easy. no one was stopping them from being together... but instead,, it was the pure fun of it that complicated things for each other. their dynamic is established since part 1. it's too easy to show the sudden change and honestly? unrealistic.

real tension,, real friends to lovers,,, is slow. awkward. it's this weird sense of uncertainty but also knowing and believing in them.

further, subtle things were so purposeful in each chapter imo. when i write fics,, i take a moment to think abut what each character has to offer the other/their specific traits. (my uni/college au's for example) deeper than what major i give them,, i think about their attitude and how it ties to to their little things.

for bed chem,, jk as a chem major was like a lightbulb moment for me because 1) it fit the title 2) it made it easier for me to write him as a grumpy nerd 3) it practically paints the picture of what kind of guy he is by all by itself... like, all i really needed to do was be specific with word choice and body language. being a part of the marine conservation club was like a hehe haha thing but also showcased his softer side (caring for the world and wanting to make change,,, etc).

meanwhile, oc majors in psych and she's kind of reckless. she's constantly tripping over her own feet and is unhinged for most for their banter... but she's intentful. she's good at talking around her feelings and her actions,, but she's even better at sticking to what she wants.

part 5 behaviour

because at this point,, they're together but not together,, jungkook tests the boundaries. they have a lot of unspoken rules so he does all he can to break them. oc,, doesn't really do much to stop him and i found it really important to decrease/limit her doubts because 1) the tutor thing wasn't really meant to be this whole trust issue thing 2) they have a lot of security in each other 3) the scenes where he skips the gala,, shows up when she has food poisoning,, when she had a hard day and he comes over to check on her ... it all shows the kind of friend he is and oc feels safe and secure in the man he is and how good he is to her

smut

ok i was realy nervous about this because 1) i was sick as a fucking dog writing the scene 2) i didn't want to disappoint 3) it had to live up to thefic title.

sometimes, i think i have to write these really wild scenes with position switching and insane dirty talk,, but because oc is a virgin... i thought it would be more fun to show her increasing interest to be intimate with him. the dry humping scene was HILIARIOUS to me. i thought it was a funny way of her exploring how fast jungkook would fold and the glasses part... yeah. i really like the way it led to their moment lol.

the actual sex scene i think turned out really cute. they have this... intense yet intimate energy between them. jk taking the lead but oc also knowing what she wants? the way they fuck and kind of just get lost in holding each other... the kissing narration?? learning her?? yeah. that tickled my brain. love the way oc has this playfulness during the entire thing,, meanwhile jungkook was losing his mind seeing her tits.

jealousy/communication

what's a kimi fic without her collateral damage hottie of the month ? first it was eunwoo/dex for c2u, mingyu for aao, and now it's dohwan for bed chem LOL. i think adding this and specifically my choice in who is coming in to play brings this relevancy into my fics that readers are able to laugh and relate to. brings connection yk!!

dohwan was so harmless ahahhaa. ngl, i think oc hearing jk fuck someone was like a "uh... omg. yikes.. i think i'm kinda jealous rn lol" moment but jk seeing a hickey on oc + being in a complicated state with her was a very "i want to die and i want you in the front row so you can see how much u hurt me and then i want u to cry over me,, only for me to beg god in the afterlife for another chance to live so i can comfort you" moment for him.

their communication/banter was such a big part of this fic. i think the plainness of their words held so much significance that after each line,, it felt like their tension would shift. again, specific word choice was really important. their banter and ongoing walking around their feelings was essential in keeping them (and readers) on their toes. their original ending was supposed to be this vague realization that they wanted to be together and the irony was that i wasn't supposed to write their smut scene and leave it as this tension filled open-ended fic,, but i'm glad i did what i did and gave them a definite ending.

some key lines i put into oc's dialogue was

"think i can do it? get you to want me?" to "i don't know how to have you" and finally; "i want you" was veryyyyyyy... premeditated. it gave this storyline through 3 lines and i really liked thatttt

the pavlov thing was funny as fuck cos again,, she's a psych major LOL. and the woof woof thing LOLLOLOL. very kimi core crackhead vibes

kiss, marry, fuck,, and kill;

you're so real and so funny for that HAHAHAA. protecting c2u jk fr cos that kid went thru so much chasing after c2u oc LOL

extra/ending note;

i'll think abt the extra!! i don't really think they have much left in terms of plot cos everything is basically all done... the friendgroup def knew smt was up but never said anything cos they mind their own business. i think it's pretty obvious as they 1) always sent oc to jk's room 2) teased them a lot 3) scolded them a lot esp taehyung

anyways,, u are literally the sweetest !!! i love receiving asks like this. i was afraid that ch5 would be too long and because there were so many scenes,, i felt like the significance of each one would be mushed up into one entire review/outcome. thank u for going into detail !!! i know a few readers say they read every word i write ,, so it's very rewarding to hear your thoughts with each scene and letting me yap from a writers/creative perspective

currently still recovering from being sick ,, finishing up my winter sem at school + preparing holiday related events for my preschool LOL. bed chem was so fun to write and i'm so incredibly blown away from the amount of love and support it has received in the past since i posted it. like... 1.7k already?? almost 1k on avg with each part?? uhhh... what the heck !!!

all in all,, i'm glad it fed everyones delulu mind. glad to know we're all ovulating together <3

i can't wait to share more fics with you all in 2025 😽💓

mwahh

kimi

[papierboa]

whoops kind of went radio silent there BUT! heres that imp tweek from the last post

more info below if youre curious

hes the pianist for craig's church but ooo he's also a demon .ahhhh!! comedical hijinks

i cant simplify the entirety of the au without disregarding some stuff because it's still an active wip and we change shit all the time but it's set during the american revolution. tweek's abt 40 physically but yknow he's a demon he's gotta be some unnatural age .. like 200 or something

his role as a pianist is his first real exposure to humans so he's a little awkward and doesnt entirely get social cues. also he's southern despite being a demon you can just claim hell is inherently part of the south id believe you

he has his goatish form and his human form and this weird inbetween with just horns wings and a tail. that's the most amount of shape shifting he can do though

of course he can fiddle. why wouldn't he be able to

plus art of that mentioned inbetweenish form

might make a post like this for barbarian tweek too id have to think abt what to say about him though because that au specifically is so much more complicated than this one oh my god

[sirsagrell]

While I'm usually critical about Veilguard, and will probably continue to be critical, I want to switch gears for a bit and engage in some positivity. Because there are things in it I liked and I don't want to lose sight of them.

So this is a collection of random Veilguard positivity rambles about some things I genuinely liked:

The entire character of Davrin: Davrin and his confusion about sacrificing himself as was expected of him but surviving, Davrin and his complicated but constructive relationship with his heritage that informs everything about him. Davrin knowing what is and isn't a monster, and giving Isseya her name back. Davrin is just very Dragon Age to me. Also holy shit, hot.

Generally, most of the stuff that surrounds the Wardens - the Hossberg Wetlands, the siege of Weisshaupt, the wardens Ivo, those records about the first qunari Warden, the First Warden trying to take the sacrifice of killing Razikale upon himself, the fucked up fortress for hiding fucked up stuff, the surviving wardens saying fuck it post-Weisshaupt and turning the joining into a blight vaccine.

The flowers in Hossberg quest (or was it a hidden quest?). Loved that. Flowers starting to bloom on previously blighted land was a plot point in that DA fic I outlined in my head 10 years ago and never wrote.

While I'm on the subject of plants, Harding's greenhouse was just stunning. Went to just stare at it multiple times regardless of Harding having anything to say to me. And it's thematically resonant too.

Neve as a concept seems like a character designed specifically to appeal to me personally in every way possible. If I was a Dragon Age character I would want to marry Neve. In my actual playthrough Neve never quite stuck, but I wasn't playing myself, I was trying to play a character who fucking hates Tevinter. So I am actually considering doing a separate Neve appreciation playthrough, and I have never replayed a game just to get more of one particular character before. You are too alluring, Neve.

Taash is interestingly and realistically flawed. People like to critique their coming-out scene because Shathann wasn't even really rejecting them, rather trying to understand them through concepts familiar to her, but I like it as written. You get so used to your mother being relentlessly critical of you, you work up the courage to have this important conversation because you know that is the right thing to do, you come prepared to stand your ground, you've been imagining everything she will say and rehearsing what to say back, and when she's honestly trying to understand and reach out, you don't even really notice it and lash out anyway, because you expected this conversation to go badly. This is very human.

Also, I vibe with Taash a lot. I too am socially challenged, sometimes unintentionally rude, surrounded by things that are certifiably messed up, struggle with cultural shit, and think dragons are the best.

I honestly liked the hair. Especially those luscious curls on Teia. This might be the first game I played where hair wasn't some kind of a distracting eyesore. I kid you not it improved my immersion.

I don't actually remember if it was like this in previous games, but I am very glad they labeled the flirt/romance dialogue options in the most unambiguous way possible. I played Baldur's Gate 3 recently and the most seemingly innocuous dialogue options led to flirting all the time. I realize this may be a me problem (see above, socially challenged), but having the options labeled and never having to reload because I'm not trying to flirt with you dammit is very relaxing. Which reminds me.

I think, that despite all its flaws, and weird narrative decisions, and wild shifts in theme and tone, Veilguard still made a better attempt at saying meaningful things than everyone's game of the year 2023 Baldur's Gate 3 did (runs away and hides under a rock).

[sleepymccoy]

Okay so something happened in the trekdom (is that a term anyone has ever used)

I think spirk got canonised?? Or something?? And I assume that as my certified Trekkie Mutual you feel some kinda way about this. you’re a Spones shipper but still how we doing?

I'm sure someone's used trekdom! It makes sense as a word regardless

I appreciate the Trekkie certification lol

Yeah dude, look. Most of the fandom is big into spirk so like people enjoying that romance is par for the course! I got nothing against spirk, it's just a bit of a boring dynamic so I don't really spend time on it. Too healthy for my tastes. Spones is way more juicy, it's got the tension and the sort of different world views that you see in good omens, so it's fun!

To be clear tho, spirk is as canon as it's ever been. Strong subtext, but in the way that a homophobe could watch it and say well they're just good friends. Nothing has changed in that sense, it's just another bit of footage doing more of the same. It's less gay than a lot of the original series, but it's new and shiny so on a surface level i get the excitement

Shatner, who plays Kirk, has done this as a non canon short film. It's apparently considered as canon as the novels? Which is like, not much. Most people don't engage. I haven't really looked into that, im not gonna watch it cos it kind of pisses me off

The thing that really fucks my goat about it is that the guy who plays Spock died a while ago, and didn't get along with the guy who plays Kirk. But the guy who plays Kirk has funded and produced and managed this whole thing to be about his character and his importance, regardless of the wishes of the original Spock actor. Including literally doing someone up in prosthetics to look more like Nimoy. Not just Spock generally, but specifically Nimoy's Spock. Nimoy was involved in star trek films in his late life, and he didn't choose to do this when he was alive. Only after his death has Shatner forced this to happen

That's what's leaving a really bad taste in my mouth. And I feel like people are either not accepting Nimoy's death and are happy to see him puppeted by someone he disliked, which makes me pity them. I work in aged care so I know I'm more comfortable with death than the average, but like. This is a bit fucking dark, no? It's maudlin, let him rest in peace for fucks sake.

That, or they don't mind the manipulation of his image if it tickles their ship, which makes me dislike them. And I don't think I'll really get over that any time soon, it's so disrespectful. And those are both negative feelings, so I'm kind of generally not pleased about my dash rn

I'm trying to take an angle of being about McCoy cos he doesn't feature in the short and that feels wrong. Spock-centric stuff is feeling a little tainted right now, but I'm sure that'll pass. Fanart is different to this kind of image stealing, but it's still weird for me rn. And as much as I love Kirk, I can't remove him from Shatner and his megalomania right now. I hope that'll pass, but I don't think Shatner's gonna stop here so. Hm.

Besides I like McCoy and he's not complicated by all this so I'm just continuing to play in my little sandbox

It's a weird time for trekdom. There's a bit of a rift, and not down shipping lines. I'm seeing a lot of posts working through their complicated feeling around the disrespect inherent in stealing Nimoy's face for Shatner. And I'm seeing other people celebrate the disrespect cos their ship held hands and that makes it worth it.

I'm hoping people overwhelmingly calm down a bit in a week, get a bit embarassed about how pleased they were over something so gross, and it just sort of goes away. Then we can all go back to having a go at Shatner for his constant sexism and homophobia

At least it's not fucking AI tho!