#it’s just a kind of. acceptance ig
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the thing i’ve come to realize having been in this space for roughly 13 years now is i can never leave. it’s just one of those inevitabilities. you can take the minecraft server from the kid but not the kid from the minecraft server or whatever
#icarus speaks#and i don’t say this negatively#i don’t *want* to leave nor am i inclined to#it’s just a kind of. acceptance ig#doompostinf doesn’t work on me because nevertheless i persist#that one shubble tweet#you know the one
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"The Boy With The Thorn in His Side"(x) - The Smiths × 2023 Strollonso moments + pundits' reactions
#baby's first web weave please be kind#frankly i could make a giant masterpost on my opinions on which Smiths songs fit which drivers/ships#i like their music a very healthy amount and I don't spend countless hours daydreaming to it...no....#but this particular song has been haunting me bcs i think it fits them super well!!#with their relationship dynamics and then the way everyone doubts their relationship#though its been hilarious watching the f1tv commentators kind of resign themselves to 'ah well ig this is what AMR/Fernando is like now'#went from being confused and shocked at their on track comradery to just accepting it for what it is#now theyre like 'ah yes lance dutifully lets fernando pass' compared to the previous ouright disbelief and denial#yeah thats right...theyre in love...what are you gonna do about it...#i think one day itd be fun to make a vid comp of all the times the commentators were ?????? at strollonso's lovey doveyness it is fun TO ME#it was really funny to look through shitty articles for negative comments#but the funniest part is that istg all of the articles just quote this one singular man who is hellbent on being a hater#i am in your walls peter windsor.#i think its silly when they bring in 'f1 experts' for their opinions ona drivers motivations and mindset#they act like such armchair psychologists like bruh your degree is probably engineering or journalism calm down!!#hehehe anyways happy with this!! i wrote it out on paper like a whole ass essay draft to brainstorm what to put#and then i scrolled thru the draft while listening to the song and im just EEEEEEE IT FITSSSSSSS#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#lance stroll#fernando alonso#fa14#ls18#1418#1814#strollonso#alonstroll#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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i love that everyone collectively decided that luffy is the shortest (human) strawhat. like no, oda, youre completely wrong. nami is not shorter. it just tickles me so much. that putrid little beast
#i do not accept that hes canonically 5'8 *Five Freaking Eight*???? no. hes barely 5'5 at most.#theres just a handful of things Fanbase-wide that are just accepted as fact no matter what kind of fan you are#dudebro powerscaler? casual consumer? obsessive tumblr artist? the regular guy who sits in front of you in your cs class?#they all come together to agree with just these few facts. and that is the funniest thing to me.#ig thats the power of a Really Fucking Well Known and Loved Series#chat
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I do actually think they aren’t technically immortal, I think that the ghosts can “move on”, we see Ray do it. It’s just that Yomiel basically becomes a wraithful and vengeful ghost, which makes it impossible to move on. This wouldn’t be a problem for Sissel. The only problem could potentially be the body, but you can just take out the Temsik. Basically I don’t think the ghosts are truly immortal, and Sissel will probably “move on.” With his family.
Also it is a mostly happy ending, things *are* vastly improved, even with the whole immortality thing, it’s sad, but Sissel is still in a better position to Yomiel comparatively.
yeah fair enough
the only thing i worry about is how someone's going to know to take the temsik out
#xenon screams#ask#anonymous#ghost trick#ghost trick spoilers#ig yomiel or jowd might know to take it out#that's gotta be a weird vet visit#speaking of vet visits#did they just never xray sissel and see that he got a rock in him#the characters who don't remember the previous timeline have just kind of accepted that he's a kitten forever#fuck is up with that
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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some more ghost rider sketches, version i guess i wanted to draw some bones,
including a partial prototype of whatever the hell the Rider has going on underneath his skin-suit (which might need more leather 'muscles' but. whatever), a theoretical endpoint of how dead Robbie could get in my verse, which. unlikely? extremely. but fun to draw, and a line-up of Robbie, Lisa, and Gabe
in theory, Lisa's sense of style was inspired by @wazzappp 's post of Claire's fashion Lisa, but, well, outfit design eludes me. so. brightly colored vague y2k vibes are. the best i got
#robbie reyes#gabe reyes#lisa (ghost rider)#revenant robbie au#i am fully just drawing whatever at this point but. its fun so idk#ANYWAY i read the avengers 2018 run and. ok it was bad#both generally and also. sob they hit robbie with the generic mcu-quippification and naive teenager beam 😔#absolutely no escape#but challenge of the ghost rider kind of hit tbh#if only bc it had robbie racing blaze for Gabe's sake and well.#ok objectively idk how his parents got pulled to hell like.#were they supposed to be there?#did johnny drag them from another afterlife?#idk at all#but *man* ok im not immune to family/loved ones finding out about a fave being a 'monster'#and accepting him anyway ok#so long story short idk if im gonna go with an exorcised-eli yet or not#but i gave robbie a rosary (not accurate. yes i know i didnt get the spacing on the top part right) on account that#religious iconography in marvel works based on a personal faith#re that one panel of kitty pryde burning dracula with a star of david#so i figure there's a high chance that robbie was raised roman catholic when his parents were around#even if that was a long time ago#and even if he doesnt believe/is religious in the strictest sense#he still has associations yk?#(<to be clear speaking as another mexican american and the impacts of religion in the culture as a kind of atheist)#anyway my point is#in a non-exorcism version hes found that wearing a rosary. even if it doesnt shut eli up entirely#makes him more? bearable? less loud/oppressive? easier to push down#while in an exorcism version ig it helps with keeping his identity as robbie centered and dealing with supernatural emotional regulation#zsketches
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ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.
the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,
but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.
It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.
#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the#colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and#yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its#absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the#provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing#seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp#their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid!#also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl#ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat#and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way'#this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural#conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his#ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more#complex than that by this point aaaaaugh#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#siren says#I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em)#ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I#like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona#experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably#upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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is it normal and okay to kin some things just for fun
#barkin#kinposting#idk ive realized lately ive gotten some kintypes without putting much thought into them just kind of accepting them as part of me?#ig just cuz they feel right or i like the thing so much i wanna say “literally me”#i mean its okay to ME i just wanna know the general stance on it
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I got more time to consider tabling at that convention btw but the recommendation that I got was to have variety so not just prints but maybe also buttons or keychains and stickers (which yeah that makes sense) but to me designing or drawing designs for these objects for the purpose of sale feels disingenuous, that’s not why I draw and I don’t have any particular desire to design any of those which makes me unmotivated . like I don’t feel at all inspired. quite the opposite
also, I am highly doubtful that I’ll actually enjoy it as in tabling at a convention so then manufacturing all of this would be a waste also
and the cost of getting there would be astronomical. because everyone wants to travel to northern Norway during summer and this convention is in August so there is no such thing as a cheap flight. and. they’re already selling out
oh, and lmao so I was told the reason I was invited was because they’re trying to have some variation or diversity in terms of stands so they didn’t want 15 Gojo print art stands which I understand, but maybe I’m not the right person the fandoms that I draw fanart for are kinda niche. not the most recent ones but. primarily. 
#obviously no offense to artists to do design for sale like I’m just saying to me#It doesn’t feel right and that well affect my motivation#If I were to make stick stickers or sticker sheets or keychains I think#It would have to happen kind of organically#like I would have to just randomly draw something and have the realisation that this could#be a good sticker or keychain design#Which this has not happened yet#not to mention i should have to find manufacturers and all that#also. I like being faceless.#I don’t necessarily want to put a face to my art#which would inevitably happen if I tabled somewhere#and I understand that I don’t have to be that aspirational#For my first ever appearance at a con#But if I’m going to pay the cost of the plane tickets to get there I’d like to be at least almost worth it#rant#ig#txt#i’m also struggling with accepting that it doesn’t have to be ..perfect#But everything doesn’t have to be in place#I don’t have to have a complete and I don’t know. I can’t really find the word but in terms of like the stand itself.#I feel so much pressure in regard toi#that regard too*
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I think the worst trope in mha fanfiction is changing people’s hero names
#all the minor character development lost when writers change Deku’s hero name to dekiru#can’t comprehend the idea of taking something that hurt you in the past and reclaiming it as strength you stupid bitch?#getting kind of aggressive here but this also applies to other characters#Shoto’s name being literally just his first name is Shoto’s way of taking hold of his identity😭😭😭😭#also stop forcing bakugou to take his normal pills and just accept he’s a loser#when you look at other class 1-a members’ hero names they look like they got the short end of the stick#but consider that they’re choosing names that mean something important to them and cement their identity in a positive way#and bakugou was being silly ig#it’s like sticking with the cringy username you made in middle school#my hero academia
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I need my mother to just listen to me like one fucking time
#⛪.spilled blood#everything I say she's like “well I'm sure it's not actually that way”#like she doesn't believe anything I fucking say she just assumes I'm being dramatic#the internet company said they won't accept the package after a certain date that is the way it fucking is#“they'll accept it if it's late” but they said they won't so. no#“but they'll charge you” I fucking know that but I can't do anything about it can I#I have no way to respond that doesn't sound bitchy but I'm literally just stating facts#but if she suddenly decides to stop helping me we're fucked#but whatever ig#I just want one day without some kind of fucking issue
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Oh this explains exactly why I hated Mean Girls:
Because jesus christ NO!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT o_O;;;
My family moved around a lot so I transferred schools a lot lol, often in the middle of the school year too. Thanks to that I experienced a wide variety of social dynamics. In the worst, most hierarchic and 'kill or be killed' schools, I was a weirdo outsider, sometimes with literally no friends (which was fine; I knew that wouldn't last forever, bc we were probably going to move again in a couple years). In other schools where there was much less hierarchy and performance, and much more solidarity and camaraderie, I had a lot of friends and was part of many social groups.
Is your school, workplace, family etc. shit? Well, it's not like that everywhere!
You don't have to ruin your life, sell your soul or abandon all morals trying to 'fit in' when the system is shit.
YOU CAN RESIST THE SYSTEM.
#honestly#this kind of reasoning is just making up excuses for your horrible behaviour#'no but everyone else was doing it!!!!'#'we only did it to protect ourselves!!!!!^1'#'we did it because we desired to be accepted!!!!'#fuck off#that's what people holding up other fascist systems tell themselves too#lol#peer pressure is one of the most pathetic things in the world#and cause for so much stupid and horrible shit#oh and 'look!!! in this fictional story EVERYONE is mean! even the home schooled kid and the kids who really want to be kind!!!'#'so that's exactly how it works in real life too!! because the story wasn't made up or influenced at all by an author or anything!!!!'#(lol sorry for the rant ig but i've been mainlining dan and phil for the last few months)#(and dan talks a lot about his horrible school experiences which has made me think a lot about weird school experiences too :( )
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so the portland polycule poster was ultimately unveiled to be an elaborate troll this whole time...ah that makes sense
#some of the replies were clearly jokes#the entire thing could have been based on a real situation but it seems it wasn't#given that op contacted a real person who lived in portland and asked them how to ro more effectively#amd fully admitted they were just trolling#which is kind of shitty honestly. 'haha poly lgbt house' is the acceptable punching bag even among progressives ig#the fact that it became such a popular joke on here based on a troll exaggeration meant to mock poly gay ppl rly sucks ngl#rp*#cor.txt
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thinking abt how all of gevie’s relationships w her friends involve them seeing through each other in some way
#talktag#mona due to her hydromancy and also her no nonsense demeanor#(and also her friendship w fischl) lets her see past the persona gevie projects#and once gevie takes the rose tinted glasses off she sees mona not as the infallible astrologist#but as someone who is silly goofy just like everyone else#venti always knows more than he lets on for obvious reasons#and gevie picks up on who he really is#but they both only engage with the persona they project but in a way where they’re both in on the joke#one of the reasons diluc is so drawn to gevie in the first place#is that she is constantly pushing aside his titles and his coat of arms to probe the real him#and diluc has always accepted gevie for who she is#like yeah this is the basis for any good relationship ig but#the friends gevie ends up making kind of belies what her true wishes always were#she changed her name she changed her appearance she changed her life#all in the hopes of becoming someone that would be fine being alone#but the bonds she forms and the people she is drawn too are all ppl#who to some extent see her for who she truly is#oh also i forgot lisa#there’s not much abt lisa for gevie to really see through#but lisa was the one person who knew gevie before she reinvented herself
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maybe it's bc i'm on the opposite end of this attitude where i feel like, i'm constantly grappling w my capacity to do things that are harmful but there is nothing more frustrating than dealing w ppl who seem themselves as completely incapable of harming others. there was a post i saw abt this the other day that was more in jest making fun of ppl who see themselves as uwu sweethearts but it is so fucking real
#i am not as bad abt this as i used to be like. whereas it was#a consistent internal struggle it's just kind of a passive acceptance now#and i do think it's a good thing to be aware of how u are capable of#inflicting harm on others#but it's also not pleasant to acknowledge. ig part of me#is envious and also upset w ppl who can go thru life like this#always telling a story in which they r the good person. could never be me#and it's like then that means u rly haven't let go of the good vs bad person catholic mentality. if u need to be a good person so badly#but well you know. takes some time.
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