#i am not as bad abt this as i used to be like. whereas it was

[megkuna]

maybe it's bc i'm on the opposite end of this attitude where i feel like, i'm constantly grappling w my capacity to do things that are harmful but there is nothing more frustrating than dealing w ppl who seem themselves as completely incapable of harming others. there was a post i saw abt this the other day that was more in jest making fun of ppl who see themselves as uwu sweethearts but it is so fucking real

[gibbearish]

Congrats on sending that application!

THANK UUUUUU

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

I know you’re a stranger online and not obligated to share information, I am not trying to pry- but do you have a safe place to stay right now? Do you have a PayPal or anything that we can offer help? 💜

I don’t want to make posts begging for help bc I got a lot of help in 2022 when I was surprised with divorce and needed help to get situated in my hometown

I ended up getting a lot of help and I feel like I used up my quota for luck in that department, and there are those far from home or dealing with worse or without a support system, whereas I’m surrounded by support rn.

I won’t stop anyone from their generosity but I don’t want to solicit it because I’d feel bad abt it.

[ritzcuit]

i want.. a fic.. where datz.. and amara talk....sooooooo bad. i know i should write it myself but writing is hard and i cant even decide what theyd talk abt. i just want it. i want them to talk abt Everything.

to me.. their relationship......... entirely unfounded by canon, but i believe it's such a complicated one. and i love to think about it. ofc, my angles are "datz is a gay man who had no romantic feelings for amara, very much had romantic feelings for dhurke, and is not exactly fond of Any sort of royalty at all"

i think her, dhurke, and datz, were all pretty good friends pre-revolution. i think dhurke invited datz to meet amara and datz was like oh boy this woman whos got dhurke all in a tizzy it'd be cool to seeAMARA SIGATAR KHURA'IN???? .....REAL???????but she's like, Cool, and has a sense of humor, and they all get along well. datz is like woah i didn't know someone of the royal family could be this cool. and smart and funny and normal :) and amara's like, it's nice that my boyfriend's freak isn't treating me differently because of my family, it's nice to feel like my age :) yay. he's invited to their wedding it rules.

and then like. um. it all goes wrong. So i rly do think datz was mourning amara too. not nearly as deeply as dhurke, of course, but he was like nooo she was so cool fuckkkkNDSKLNSFG but it goes wrong in several ways, bc now datz is helping raise her kid (!) and now he's living with dhurke (!!) and getting closer (!!!) and oh no

so, requited or not, confessed or not, forever, his love for dhurke is always going to be with an asterisk that says *dhurke is a married man, albeit a widow, and i am A Monster for loving him romantically

and then Um Well amara is Alive. on the surface, datz is celebrating, because this is awesome, until dhurke hits him with the "actually she still thinks i tried to murder her, but i'm gonna get her to trust me--" and datz is already sore because, with apollo gone, things are already dismal, and wtf do you mean she still thinks youre guilty?! whereas datz never doubted dhurke's innocence, so he's offended on dhurke's behalf and hurt because this little niche he's built in dhurke's life is getting shaken up again and3$%^#$^$

BUT THE THING IS, DATZ IS A NICE GUY. AND LIKE. HE LIKES AMARA. or wants to like her, really fucking badly, bc dhurke is so happy that amara is here, right!! so datz wants to be happy for them! amara is not stupid. she's cautious about all of this, and can tell that datz isn't as warm to her as he used to be. she learns all that dhurke has to share and what the two of them have been doing for the past like-eightish-years... she's merciful. amara is a Nice Girl. and she trusts them, but i think datz never really. gets over this.

i think rayfa being born is such a nail in the coffin that datz never gets over that either. esp after sending apollo away... soj implies datz doesnt know abt rayfa but idgaf he knows. i cannot decide as to if datz is good at hiding his displeasure. i think, for the most part, he is, because he tries SO FUCKING HARD to be happy when he's supposed to be happy... but at the same time, i think datz argues about sending apollo away, i think he argues about trying to win amara over, and i think he's very very clearly biting his tongue when he finds out about rayfa.

bc. he's not. like. he has no authority. and he hates scolding, and he hates pretending like he has authority... he hates hates hatessss being against all of this. more than anything, he just wishes he was a better friend who could be happy about all of this, but he's nursing a broken heart that he refuses to admit...

they lose rayfa and amara again... i think datz could take this insanely hard. i think datz can have a streak of blaming himself for things beyond his control, like every ace attorney character (he takes tahrust's death hard, and somewhat implies that he blames himself,) so i think he'll feel like if he wasn't bitter towards amara, he could have protected her. talking about this means he'd have to admit his bitterness, and explaining where it comes from, and admitting his love for dhurke, so he'll never do this...

by the time he and amara can meet again, post-canon, it's just. there's like. there's too fucking much. there's SO MUCH. datz's avoidance is in high gear now that he could, possibly, go visit amara.... i think it's obvious to anyone that he's avoiding that for any number of reasons. like nope. he simply Will Not. and amara knows it, because she's not stupid, and everyone who ever knew she and dhurke has given their condolences and datz barely steps foot in the palace- even to talk to nahyuta- but like,

he raised nahyuta up until he became a prosecutor, right? she's been talking to him and getting to know him, but who does she have to fondly reminisce with now that dhurke is gone? and who will treat her like a person and not some reverent figure? maybe she's lonely, right? maybe she misses an old friend.

and datz could ignore her invitation to a small private lunch, and more than anything, he wants to, which is why he goes. it's confronting that grief and broken hearted bitterness and remnants of anger and frustration from over a decade ago, and all that sadness, and guilt, and shame that he couldn't Be Better... or maybe, above all else, he just doesn't want to look at a widow (for real, this time) and tell her that he's been selfishly in love with her husband for as long as she's been gone.

which, for the record, amara would be like. i know. 😭LMFAO SHE'S LIKE DATZ DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID?

IDK. THERE'S SOOOOO MUCH. but i don't want the fic to just be datz yelling at a traumatized woman, no matter where you set it in the timeline, so it's likeelngfdlnfg Cause i don't think he even COULD yell at her, again, bc behind it all he knows amara was a victim as well.. i don't want the fic to just be amara doing emotional labor trying to coax something out of datz...

i dont know. im crazy. the two of them have a history that no one else would be around for, they're the only peers the two of them have, so it's crazy. bitterness and discomfort and everything. i cant... Exploads

[spacelazarwolf]

i just keep thinking abt how that guy said "its transphobia and misogyny. let your experiences unite you with cis women, trans women, and enbies, not separate you"

and like idk its like we can't use transmisndry/transandrophobia/atm/etc bc its transmisogynistic. but we also cant use transmisogyny bc thats only for trans fems and trans women. but we cant use misogyny either bc we're not women. like you said it doesnt matter what word(s) we use or even if we don't use any words at all, they still get mad at us.

but also, why does us trying to give a name to our experiences separate us from those groups? all of those groups can experience atm in various ways. why is it that using the term transmisogyny does not separate trans fems from those groups? why does using the term exorsexism does not separate enbies from that group? (assuming these people even agree exorsexism exists, some of them dont)

and the assumption that all of those identities listed are completely separate really bothers me. all of those can and do overlap. how can i as a transfemmasc multigender enby, separate myself from those groups by describing some of my experiences, when i AM those groups?

(im not going to even bother with the fact that cis men weren't included, we already know why)

imo it's because the idea that women (and people they can group in with women) forming separatist groups and separating themselves from MenTM is actually feminist and girlboss and just Protecting Them From Their Oppressors, whereas any other group doing it (not even just men as a group, but i see this shit happen to jews, black people, indigenous people, people with closed practices, etc.) is just trying to make themselves feel special or they think they're better than everyone else. also people just still straight up do not believe trans men are oppressed.

also it's particularly hilarious bc like. so much conversation around anti transmasculinity is about the fact we share a lot of experiences with both cis women and trans women. i can't tell you how many butch cis women, intersex people, and trans women and femmes have expressed to me that they have experienced something similar to what i describe in my posts. and the thing is, we have been talking about this kind of thing in queer circles for forever. we've talked about how butches are demonized because of their masculinity, we've talked about how trans women are forced to present as feminine as possible so as not to be seen as a threat, we've talked about how nonbinary people who were assigned male at birth and choose to present more masculine are demonized and stripped of their identity. but putting a name to it means there's a systemic problem in our community, not just Problematic Individuals Who Are Bad Who Are Totally Not Us So We Don't Need To Unpack Any Of Our Biases Uwu.

[end0parasitic]

What are your headcanons for, let’s say…. Cynte, Pravi, Karis, and Luce? (U can add more characters or not answer for one/some of them if you’d like)

Just general headcanons bc i can’t think of specific kinds lmao

i am honestly bad at headcanons lol, most of them r solely visual. but! i definitely have some for all of these characters (and a bonus one!)

cynte: first of all insomniac, that’s a headcanon a lot of people seem to share. i feel like it flared up after karis left him, following a period of almost constant sleep and being withdrawn. i once saw a headcanon of him having heterochromia, and i think that it has potential. also, i like to think that he has a few cybernetic modifications, maybe as a religious thing like eve (the protagonist of wrought flesh). oh, also a strict upbringing! if not at least a very stressful one. i do not think that he was pressured to succeed, but i do think that he desperately wanted to escape something and already grew up in a very religious environment that prioritized success through intelligence and hard work.

praví: my boy has a very small role in game, so i think he’s mostly headcanon for me lol. i had a few back in the day, like he had a major sweet tooth. knit sweaters was also one (still like this one). one specific to me i think was that he used to take q-melanin (thing in wrought flesh that the villagers take cuz it allows them to photosynthesize) when he was child and used to live on a majorly desert planet as a poor colonist. also i like the idea that he’s very technically smart but can’t solve puzzles (projecting lol), while cynte can do both if a little forgetful of some advanced things and protocol. i like the idea of him not having a god/goddess he’s devoted to.

luce: first of all, surrounded by butterfly imagery since this post lives in my head rent free. i drew this luce on a whim and this is honestly how i see her in my head, this might be my fav design of her i’ve ever done even though it’s pretty simple. i like to think that in her childhood, she was seen as kind of a bad omen by the people around her, if a very kind one. like a lot of bad stuff happened around her, and she seemed to be at the center of it, but she really was just a kind person trying her best. the isolation and constant suspicion and harshness got to her and it all culminated in the parasites taking notice of her. doomed by the narrative vibes. also, i think she’s very familiar with tools from computers to scalpels to guns.

karis: oh this man has been hurt before. i wouldn’t be surprised if he had a long term relationship with someone a lot more wild and magnetic than he was and then got his heart ripped out by them, and then moved on to cynte, and then left him too. i get the vibe that he was born on a very carefree planet, a metropolis with a good government, and the people were generally very wild and hedonistic, but he never was. only drinks socially, never smokes. he was definitely a lot kinder to luce than praví and cynte were, maybe they were friends. i think of him as not only smart enough to be a scientist, but also smart enough to know how to talk his way into things, whereas cynte gets by on sheer devotion.

eve (my nickname for the protagonist of wrought flesh): i think her cult generally goes by burn bright and fast, meaning they tank all of the damage they get and die young and gloriously, and that’s what she’s primed to do. i like to think she’s very accomplished and already kind of ascended to hero status, but not truly godlike. she’s looking for something that has been watching her like the way you watch a bug crawl too close and move to shove it away. she’s like an ideal warrior cultist.

in conclusion: i’m normal abt them. trust me bro.

[birdmitosis]

if you’re still doing the ask game, i’d love to hear your thoughts abt voice of the smitten please 😊 (no pressure though)

[ask game here]

Oh gosh, no worries! I am super open to doing more of these :D

SMITTEN TIME 💖

First impression

My first impression of him was absolutely during the Damsel route, and I'll be real, I mostly defaulted to vaguely fond exasperation. I was a bit "oh no, he's funny for sure but Oh No" about him and he was one of my least favorite voices for the longest time!

Impression now

...Whereas at this point he may not be one of my favorites but I honestly love him. He is fascinating, having darker depths of emotion than one would think at first and being capable of some definitely bad things, but also having a great capacity for love that is unflinching, unashamed, and comes with no caveats. He is a supportive darling with unbending faith and this also somehow makes him not only one of the strongest voices but also one of the most potentially dangerous to the group. This is great.

Favorite moment

Ohhh, there are so many small moments I can't choose between! The "He just likes to hear himself talk." "I do." exchange, the part where he straight-up says he's no thoughts head empty except for the Princess, how quick he is to forgive Opportunist and just accept him back on sides, how he slays us if we slay Damsel and his homoerotic fight with Cold at the very beginning of the Burned Grey route, The Look...

I think my favorite moment, though, might just be when you find the Princess's skeleton in the basement in Burned Grey and he goes "No! She was alive and well just a moment ago, floating away transparently!" It is SUCH a funny moment and if I make another "funniest moments in Slay the Princess" video, that is definitely going in there. He is hilarious.

Idea for a story

TBH, before the Pristine Cut comes out, it could be fun to write a version of the Damsel Chapter III that I don't think we're getting, one that I'd been toying with in my head... Choosing to stay with Damsel and the Narrator trying to force our hand again (or threatening to) leading to Smitten slaying us to show Narry he's serious about that, and then when we get to Chapter III instead of a basement it's an upstairs room, and it's way more livable, comfortable, with chairs and things, and her chain is thin and long and allows her access to the whole room comfortably. There is no blade. The only option, if they don't want to stay forever, is to brave what might be out there together and face the world, whatever may be. Once you actually decide to break the chains they snap easily.

(I think Cheated would be a fun option for this one, but I'd probably write it with Paranoid. Torn between love and fear in the Damsel chapter, and part of why we're "staying together" instead of escaping is fear of what will happen and what we'll find if we leave...)

Unpopular opinion

IDK how unpopular either of these are per se, so I'm going to give two of them:

One, Smitten shines least in his own basic route. If you go for Damsel and either free Damsel or deconstruct her, it is definitely incredible to see just how powerful Smitten's power of belief really is, but he himself isn't all that interesting and isn't as hilarious or as fun as in other routes. He has incredible moments in the Razor path, he's intensely sympathetic in the Moment of Clarity, he is both funny and very interesting personality-wise in Thorn (especially if you do free her), and then if you slay Damsel and get into Burned Grey he's maybe at his strongest both humor- and interest-wise.

Two, despite what I said above about loving Smitten in the Thorn chapter, which I do... I don't actually like the way to get Smitten in the Thorn chapter. I think it's jarring and kind of off-putting to start strongly flirting with Witch in that particular situation, and I don't like the implications of the "why are you actually trying to free me" "you're beautiful" exchange.

Favorite relationship

Among the other voices, I think my favorite relationship he has with them canonically is the one he has with Opportunist in the Thorn chapter. (I told you I love Smitten in The Thorn! I just don't like how you get there with him!) His weirdass relationship with Cold is a very close second, though, and I would be very interested in seeing them with a different dynamic in one of the new Pristine Cut Chapter IIIs, potentially!

Among the other voices, the relationships we don't really get to see in game that I'd love to see are how he'd be with Broken or Skeptic, with Cheated, Contrarian, and Paranoid being runners-up.

Among the vessels, my favorite canonical relationship he has with any of them... Hear me out, because I did say he is least interesting in his own base chapter, but I still really do love his relationship with Damsel. One of the only two vessel/voice ships I actually ship somewhat strongly (along with Adversary/Stubborn). I'd also love to see his relationship with Prisoner, Spectre, or Wild!

My favorite relationship for him in a shippy way is with Broken, though, by far. (Mending Hearts my beloved...)

Favorite headcanon

I really do love the idea that Smitten's unhesitating, unapologetic love of the Princess also translates to a love of the world, and that in any post-Construct AU where Shifty wasn't slain, he loves the world and life intensely because she is a part of all of it, even if he misses her.

I also really love trans Smitten, though! I specifically go back and forth between seeing Smitten as transfem and Damsel as transmasc, or seeing both of them as bigender, sometimes he/him and sometimes she/her.

[melloneah]

6 for geto & 22 for megumi and/or yuuji for the character ask?

HAAAAA thank u for the ask >:3333

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

i Very Rarely relate to characters in shows but i feel like geto is one of the exceptions hehehe i feel like our moral views align in a way which we both tried to believe and do what's "right" without much questioning at first and then suddenly got slapped in the face by the reality of what a 'society' entails 😀 so uh. similar thought processes and experiences during the whole ordeal of discovering the world sucks and there's no way to really fix it (without murder? dshkfsjd) him and i are one and the same minus the genocidal tendencies<33 i also feel like his personality is quite toned down and calm unless he's surrounded by people closest to him, which is very me!!!!!

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Yuuji

hhghhgf hard question. i basically love it all but ill try to limit myself to one each

i love seeing lonely yuuji that's surrounded by people </33 in general that's such a real, painful, gorgeous, often overlooked aspect of being human, and it's often dismissed in everyday life bc 'U HAVE FRIENDS WDYM UR LONELY!' but anytime i see it written in fic the descriptions and the raw defeat and the pain just hit so hard, and it just matches the character of yuuji SO SO SO well. he's so open but he just Cant Seem To Get Close to people in Any Meaningful Way. oh my GODDDD it hurts So Bad but i adore it. it's my favourite thing to read. and special mention to loner yuuji who isnt surrounded by people too. lonely yuuji has his own reserved yuuji shaped spot in my heart

i feel like i love everything about yuuji's character so it's hard to pick a dislike 😭 i think it's more of a mischaracterisation than an authors creative choice, but i dont love it when yuuji is portrayed as sort of morally grey or slightly mean bc to me that's just not even him anymore sdjfhsdjhf yuuji is a ray of sunshine who does everything to make everyone else feel at ease!!!!!!! who r u writing bc that isnt him!!!!!

Megumi

i love it when fics make him suffer :3 as if we dont have enough of that in the manga........but i truly feel megumi's character is a great vessel to use in order to explore deeply rooted trauma, crises and complex emotions - his philosophy already illustrates that he doesnt blindly follow the objective 'good' and he doesnt see the world as black and white, which points to him generally being more self-aware and thoughtful. i feel like this translates into a sort of 'open space' in his character to freely and deeply explore for example shame, societal pressures, lived trauma, guilt or some internal struggles etc, whereas for example yuuji would probably be slightly more in denial, which would mean the thought processes described would be less direct and harder to explore deeply imo. so basically megumi is the epitome of overthinking and i like seeing him suffer over it :3

for dislikes in fic uhmmmnnmmn. id say making him too sweet/nice/open? in my mind the core of his character is that he's sorta standoffish and distant and mean lmaoo so it's strange seeing him fold immediately and be super sweet; i like seeing the gradual trust building and eventually opening up a bit but still keeping his personality!! but that's just a personal preference and actually now that i think abt it it's not that it bothers me when i see it lmaooo i just prefer the latter

ASK ME THINGS PLEASE I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING PLEASEPLEPALEPLASEPLASEPLEASE :3

[cluelessbees]

through the whole time I’ve been following you I’ve never once seen you say anything about Palestine before. Since the news broke about Hamas killing Israelis, rightfully so you’ve shared posts etc about it all and it seems like posting about st/byler is the last thing you wanna think about rn. Which is fine! But lately its just seeming like you’re doing it to prove to everyone how smart and informed/outraged you are about the conflict and how dare anyone talk about anything else… in one of your recent reposts you tagged that all the Palestinians that have died in the 75 years shouldn’t be forgotten (they shouldn’t! What’s been done is awful) and fuck anyone who doesn’t wanna read about it bc it makes them feel bad. I would be more willing to agree with you on the things you say/repost if I’d seen you post about it before… but you haven’t. I’ve never seen you talk about Palestine before on your byler based acc (bc you’re here to talk abt byler!) but suddenly it’s like you’re some social justice warrior who can’t bare to talk about byler bc the Israel/Palestine conflict has been brought to attention again on social media. Others who have reposted things have still posted abt things they like in between bc they know the small things they share won’t make a big difference but they want to show they still care whereas yours seems performative at this point.

I'm going to stay as calm as possible here.

Go unfollow me if you don't want to see anything about Palestine. That's it. Point blank. I don't need your validation or your follow or whatever.

Just because I've never talked about the issue before online doesn't mean it isn't an important issue to me. I'm an Arab. I hear news about this every week. I grew up hearing about Palestinians being kicked out of their homes, being bombed, being killed. Every Ramadan I read articles of Palestinians being beaten and killed for praying in Masjid Al-Aqsa.

I have friends who are Palestinians refugees, who can't even return to Palestine. I have a teacher that left my highschool to go back to Gaza to be with her mom. And I have no fucking idea if she's alive right now.

This is everyday for me. And I was so used to the world not caring. Up until a few years ago saying you were pro-Palestine would lead to so much hate.

But the world is talking about it now. And I will not stay silent. I will not let misinformation spread. I will not let Israel destroy Palestine's image. I will not let anyone forget about their lives. They were people. They are my people. They are my friends, my teachers, my family.

Go fuck yourself if you think this is me being performative or me showing off my knowledge. Do you fucking know why I have this knowledge???? Why I know so much?? I grew up with this.

I'm literally an Arab. I can't believe I have to fucking say this so many times. I'm not white or whatever. This is literally all I can think about right now. The Arab community (which I'm a part of) in my university are setting up donations, wearing the Palestinian Kuffeyah in solidarity, talking about this whenever and however we can. This is what it means to be Arab. We are not going to shut up about it.

I am watching my region enter a war. I literally live in the Middle East. I am watching people online call my people terrorists, barbaric, subhuman, animals. What do you expect me to do? Watch and pretend that I'm white or some shit?

OH and because you're thinking I'm just now caring

Here's fucking screenshots of my chats with friends.

Just because I've never talked about it here before doesn't mean I've never cared about the issue. You don't know me stop acting like you do.

Fuck everyone who thinks this way. I don't care if you support or follow my account. I will talk about Palestine until my dying breathe. My love for Palestine is ingrained in my DNA. It is the fabric of my soul.

It's free Palestine, until Palestine is fucking free.

[narwhalandchill]

Honestly. thinking back on it (am mega late yes) even though i like. ultimately enjoyed going thru fontaine AQ as an experience in terms of its emotional core and payoff with characters like navia neuvillette n furina having very strong writing and characterization i do think the overall AQ lore and worldbuilding is probably the messiest in the entire game and feels like all of its opportunities and potential was underutilized the most and thats just. Unfortunate

like yes its inazuma thats the most infamous for how shitty and rushed its execution was (and rightly so) and yes it Also had its share of issues with nothingburgers like the whole statue thing going nowhere or how shoddily constructed the entire it-was-all-the-fatui deal was

but i still think it has a stronger ground to stand on like. all aspects of the story if just slightly differently written and centered around better in-lore reasoning and logic. Are internally consistent with the world ya know. and would have produced a good story. like it could be fixed easily. no need for me to go Full Rewrite here but like just to make a point:

a shut-in deity paranoid and trauma-stricken is ignorant to her peoples wishes and enacts an eternal rule that stifles their hopes and dreams. discontentment in the nation (NOT just the vision holders it shouldve been ALL inazumans divided on this i s2g) has been on the rise but only outside forces stoking the flames push it into overdrive as they seek to exploit the unrest to get the gnosis. couldve brought the whole "peoples faith powers the archon" if they wanted to pop off bc then the fatui by sparking the civil war are Directly weakening eis power like Thats solid! less ei was innocent and only the fatui led to the bad stuff more. ei is flawed makes shit choices and leaves an opening for their operations etc etc etc.

foreshadow signoras past and distrust of the gods in like a tense encounter or two early on (ritou maybe?) where she hints at a deeper reason behind her actions. no need to trauma dump just have her like idk mock us for seeking the archons for "help" in finding our sibling slash truth of the world and coincidentally use wording that directly alludes to what we already heard from dainsleif earlier abt the cataclysm and archons sus so its like an Oh Shit. she can namedrop or allude to venti to imply its personal or sth to further recontextualize her actions in mondstadt as well.

and so on. like then fixing the rebellion (ppl join for other reasons than just the VHD so its a more common cause etc maybe some ppl dont care abt the decrees as much but the drafting of civilians into the ever expanding war effort goes too far) and stuff like that. inazuma had the ingredients for a consistent good story they just fumbled it completely

whereas fontaine tells like. a much stronger and more hype emotional core journey for its focal points as u go thru them but also it just. Genuinely falls apart if you poke at the setting and world for a bit too long its really just swiss cheese and that sucks

like as much as i Do love the narwhal in a very normal and sane way i still think story wise it absolutely goes into the signora tier of mishandled AQ boss fights except Even worse than hers bc. signora Fits inazuma even if she was handled poorly. but with the narwhal (and by extension childes entire presence as happy as i was to see him at all) its just... kinda random? and got pretty much brushed aside even during the AQ like we get the opera hall cutscene and then theres a THIRTY MINUTE cutscene with focalors before the actual fight happens like way to just. eliminate any urgency from the situation bruh. and then at the end both the narwhal and childe kinda just got plot deviced into hyping up skirk and surtalogis name drop. which rly fucking sucks. 99.7% of fandom never reads the AQ fight boss drop to consider the narwhals a sentient thinking feeling entity and not just a dumb big pet bc skirk called it that etc.

childe in general i dont think im necessarily like. as negative on the way he was handled as some ppl are (tho the general sentiments are 100% shared) but its still very much like. a disappointment w his lack of presence and voiced lines and in terms of how a lot of the intrigue set up in the AQ Especially the oratrice judgement just got shrugged off all "who knows 🤷‍♀️" like Are You Serious. and also p much using him as a neuvi hype device like . I saw it i knew ppl were going to be insufferable abt it & was right

i also saw a comment talking abt how childe Being the purple guy inside the narwhal just corrupted or sth wouldve given him a more heightened presence during the boss fight and while im a hater of that concept for other reasons (mostly the. narwhal must have malicious designs for ajax thing) i cant disagree with that take in terms of the story aspect. like if the narwhal ate him when he fell back in (which i kinda? assume mustve happened lmao like where did he Go 😭😭) it Wouldve been a much greater moment for sth like that to be there.

But bc i personally dont like the Brainwashed Puppet Angle i think how id have done it is just. sure make the purple guy more reminiscent of ajax n his fight style maybe even FL . But. feature an actual fucking cutscene in the stomach of us realizing its Not Him. but instead its the Narwhal Emulating Him as a spectral summon thingy. bc it ate his dumb unconscious ass for safekeeping or w/e and is now copying his homework of "use a manifestation of the other as a combat technique" (v romantic btw. soulmates real). like DUDE we had childes earlier AQ appearance Actively Bring Up this EXACT thing! he uses a hydro construct mimicking the narwhal as a combat technique bc of how their encounter rewired his brain chemistry. and now the narwhal needs to improv a more humanoid angle to combat in its stomach after it ate us. so like pov ur the narwhal whats the closest point of reference to draw from at that moment?

Oh Right. the guy ur been fighting for 40+ days . Your guy (derogatory) 💀 like they have a telepathic link who knows if it could just straight up cross reference Our combat moves from the flashes its getting from childes memories of seeing us in action and utilizing that.

like it wouldve been so sick and still left the nature of their connection relatively open ended. like it ate him skirk would be separating them at the end and maybe comment on it a bit and his whereabouts during the entire thing wouldve been Way Less confusing. The knight dude being a mimic of ajax' battle technique would thematically connect to the golden house fight and his hydro whale technique and its just. the current electro dude is just so Huh. like its a good jumpscare and i love the OST obviously but it getting No Lore NOR cutscene sucks so bad

(And like if they wanted the combat design to be so that theres no cutscene interrupting the transition between being swallowed and entering the stomach phase just make it an AQ exclusive one. and if we cant have traveler talk and logistics of bringing paimon/neuvi to make the shocked observation of "is that.... him? no... its just an imitation???" or w/e . Just have us FLASH BACK to childes own fucking dialogue as the phantom him is summoned to face us where he mentions 1) traces of the narwhal on him and 2) the basis behind his hydro summon technique. so traveler can have a silent !!!!!! Realization that he got ate or whatever and now his narwhal is stealing his ideas jsjskdksirigkf)

Anyway i swear this wasnt just abt those two im so sorry . but like yeah its just a fucking shame and also the narwhal being just like . Means to an End in the prophecy feels kinda meh but like i dont have a solid idea on how that would even rly be fixed but yeah. underutilized my both beloveds

Back to fontaine general stuff tho i kinda do think that . hoyo almost missed the trees for the forest w it all if u will excuse the mid metaphor . like they told a very strong emotional story w neuvi and furina and navia But it came at the cost of a highly illogical lore and worldbuilding and its just An Issue if u dwell on it even a little bit and its rly a shame

like they were going for this justice theme of maybe AI justicebot is not The Way (TM) and people viewing court as a spectacle rather than a show of justice but then went never fucking where with it in terms of Maybe This Needs Changing . they made that entire champion duelists a thing despite it being So fucking stupid fundamentally like it just relies on nobody with enough raw power to just solo any duelist ever getting into the ring

(no credit for this tho this was a comment thread i ran into on leaks sub. there was also a point made abt how childe dueling and winning against clorinde when hes accused wouldve been such a great moment of like both showcasing clorindes role and linking to their earlier sparring and holding back thing and also that maybe the system sucks when this is possible and while i get the story needed him in jail so he can reunite w his narwhal . im now mad this didnt happen. give him a W in combat hoyo.)

like theres this entire thing about flawed justice in fontaine that is present in the 4.0 story but then it just...... Disappears. Bc AI justicebot was anti celestia archon deleter all along and it finished its job so its no longer a fundamental ethical issue for the legal system and fontaines ppl to grapple with and confront shit like childes sentencing. And furina wanted dramatic trials bc of what she was told by focalors but since she retires its now just neuvillette whos super fair so everything is fixed .

im not as big of a hater of act III as some but like thinking abt these things further makes me like it less and less like Yes they wanted this meropide vs regular fontaine dichotomy explored and all but thinking of it is just. i wonder how worthwhile the opportunity cost was in there (i have no correct answer btw)

bc . if you keep the childe jailed bc justice AI bot. they shouldve shown the people responding to it . bc that entire highly controversial judgement is Literally accompanied by the solving of the serial disappearances case AFTER multiple ""culprits"" had already been imprisoned for it which i actually forgot (thanks same reddit comment for reminding me) like Whats with those people then????? and just. Everything to do with the entire case including childes deal shouldve been a much bigger social upheaval anyway like ik stuff like furinas SQ shows ppl personally affected in the aftermath but i mean in bigger scale.

And Then if we like run a bit with this alternate hypothetical idea of childe no diffing the court system (clorinde im sure youre powerful but like i put more faith in those ruin guards that lasted 4s against FL than u girl) so hes simultaneously kind of a criminal let off scot free but also its so stupid to think a guy thats like 25 at most is involved in a 20yr old solved case it couldve been actual source of political discord. and like if you need to get him to the narwhal for plot reasons its Rly Not That Hard theyre obsessed with each other bro gets pinged a whale call once and its like yes honey we jailbreak for reunion tonight (hes going to throw hands Immediately bc hes the toxic battle maniac one). also yes ik they wrote it weird so technically ajax cant duel after the oratrice decides hes involved which is major intrigue point (that canon wasted but oh well) but like. they couldve written differently idc. he couldve even gone off investigating why AI bot considers him guilty on his own and then jeepers!! speedrun glitchless any% spawned into the primordial sea!! hes missing! but like this isnt a well articulated idea whatsoever lmao im just winging some shit

meropides existence in general was also just weird. again i enjoyed the character writing it enabled for wrio and the HotH trio and despite disliking childe just being MIA i do like how the storytelling around his escape expands on his social intelligence and street smarts still. but as an entity the fortress is just sorta there as a system that Obviously shouldnt be Like this when its literally the other side of the coin to fontaines Already dubious legal system but then they went the whole. its a gathering place for exiles (still a prison)!! a home for those alienated by the surface world after so long (so why KEEP them in there that long)!!!! protectors of egerias secret (okay Sure. but whats the need post prophecy then)!!!! And its like. okay im not about to uhh. overstep my understanding of the risk a chinese company limited by often nebulous and inconsistent censorship would take if they went for a full on prison reform/abolishing angle w the writing like i dont think that was in the cards. But it still means meropide as a system just falls apart if u think abt its existence critically At All and its hard to say whether fontaines writing omitting sth like it entirely wouldve ultimately been better for the overall focus of the story anyway. but yeah

and its just. im sure theres even more that i havent even noted here (logistics of nobody drowning in the flood & rest of teyvat being unaffected etc etc) bc this is just a rant ramble not a coherent analysis but my point in all of this is that the abundance of issues like these just kinda add up so that by the end its kinda like fontaines simultaneously the AQ that id say has the highest highs in terms of its best moments and strongest emotional beats and how much heart it carries . Like im not taking that away from it.

but its also the AQ with like genuinely the messiest fucking groundwork in lore and larger worldbuilding implications whose aftermath leaves the most plot threads barely explored or just discarded altogether by the end and its just?? Such a weird mess like i very much enjoyed it despite the problems and for me it still overtakes sumeru in many aspects but i cant pretend those problems arent there . like consistency of writing and lore accounted for sumeru is still the best AQ

(oh also. the fact that to my knowledge no fucking fontaine NPC Ever reacts to the events throughout the AQ is fucking insane. like other nations could get away w sth like that better but. THE ENTIRE NATION FLOODED. How the fuck arent they talking. ppl in meropide post act IV abt the close call. ppl who saw the narwhal in the opera house in V. Like . HUH???)

but yeah its . A weird situation w fontaines writing as a whole . & yes im giga late to the discussion HSJSJSKSI but oh well thats my brain for ya

[equalseleventhirds]

made it through train hell and back home and i think i think i think

what it is for me is that humanity plays second fiddle to heaven and hell in the gomens show, whereas in the book it was the other way around.

aziraphale and crowley don't stop armageddon. in fact, they so badly fumble both their given jobs and the jobs they made up to stop the apocalypse that basically they just, and entirely accidentally, help some people be in the right place at the right time. accidentally keep heaven and hell's focus on them, and not on adam.

it's adam--wonderfully human antichrist adam--and a bunch of human kids, and one human witch, and some human guy who is so extremely bad at computers, who stop armageddon. it's their collective choices to be so very human, to use that humanity, that stop the world from ending. aziraphale and crowley are just kind of There, and then say some stuff to heaven and hell to sow a bit of doubt in their bosses and stall a bit.

and then, like, who starts armageddon, as well? adam (with influence of other humans, like anathema) as well. going back--the human nuns. the horsepeople are representative of the world ending, but they're all formed by human belief (except death, but u kno). the world was even meant to end by very, very human weapons.

it's both sides. the evil and the good. the power to do both, or either, or neither. human all the way down.

shaz points out in season 2 that humanity does so much worse stuff than she can think of; but it's so incredibly crucial that they also do so much more good than heaven and angels (and even one really nice demon) can imagine. and all that without aziraphale and crowley helping them along, fixing things for them, making them better--because humanity could be better without them. that's the whole point.

.........anyway. so. i still haven't finished the show but i've seen enough spoilers to know about armageddon 2, right. and if the show goes back to the core of the book, then it is not aziraphale, not crowley, not gabriel or beelzebub, not any of heaven and hell who can stop it.

it has to be humans.

.......the problem ofc is that i can't see a way that s2 is ramping up to that, bcos the focus is so very very heavily on heaven and hell, aziraphale and crowley, and even the humans with their mundane lives seem less to show themselves to be crucial to the universe and more just kinda. foils. background tools to show what the angels and demons are up to.

like, not impossible? but not the direction i am gleaning from this. seems much more abt showing the 'human' side of angels and demons, which like, ok, cool and good, but also: what about the humans. not just the humans they help. the humans who do things while the angels and demons tuxedo mask 'my work here is done/you didn't do anything' meme. cmonnnnnn.

[hinamie]

hiii hope ur doing well hina :3 i loveeeee your art sososososo much !!! i was wondering how u started developing your own art style??

i used to draw a lot and im trying to get back into it, but all i can do is copy images fkjdg so any advice or even just hearing abt your own experience would be super helpful :D

again realllyyy love your art especially the way u capture emotions its so (chefs kiss)

HIIIII hello hiiii !!! and thank u !!!!!!!

ahhh th art style question :') i think i've told this story before but I'm very much in the same boat in that a lot of my early drawing years were spent copying other people's art that i would find online . not to post or anything obv but i sort of treated them as my own personal studies (this was back in my traditional art days) so i just had sketchbooks filled with art tht was, fr all intents and purposes, Not My Own :'> I don't think it was until i got into digital art and posting my own stuff that i really had to start nurturing a style that i could call my own and it was clumsy and awkward and hard but like anything it gets easier !

and look ik copying (and even to an extent using reference) can get a bit of a bad rep but i honestly think it's such a good way to train the eye and learn what u like and just practice in general . ofc u run the risk of copying another artist's mistakes but that's besides the point rn. at the end of the day the things we like and the media we consume influence us !!! there's no shame in it !!! my style has run the gauntlet of cutesy to whatever tf im working with now and so much of it depends on the media im currently into ! like go back to my tg and yoi days and i think it's so obvious that i was very influenced by more shoujou anime/kyotani/idol game art styles whereas now i think it's Very apparent that my tastes have changed fHFDHh

it's so hard to put a timeline on how u Develop an art style.,, i think it just happens when you're not looking until one day u look at a collection of ur work and go Huh! but tbh even the whole concept of an "art style" is so arbitrary bc it rly is so fluid? like yeah there r elements that might b a bit more specific to each artist but i think those r just more Ingrained habits that we carry with us even while experimenting with other techniques . as fr advice i can offer its probably obvious given th earlier part of this answer but i am, as always, a huge proponent of using references and insp pics and here is my obligatory call to practice practice practice but all that to say i think as long as u r drawing u r on the right track <3

theres this quote by Yohji Yamamoto i think of often tht goes smth like 'start copying what u love and at the end of the copy u will find yourself' and tbh. life philosophy . art and media do not exist in a vacuum so embrace what inspires u to create ! i am like kirby. i see what i like, i Absorb and, to an extent, i Become :)

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

S2 Ep14 of TBB Thoughts!!

oh frick, oh darn, oh heck

HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER

I need to stop eating breakfast while I watch these eps, eventually im gonna gasp so hard I'll choke on some food (this is based on me almost choking on my food when HOWZER showed up)

So I knew Echo'd be in this one, but I was actually also a 100% Rex would be there too, so I was a little bummed about that? like why would they release Rex's poster now if he isn't gonna be in the ep? and like ik this is a show about the batch, so they wanna show off Echo and I love that for him bc I love Echo but like,,, Rex🥺 yanno?

that being said, Echo and his team infiltrating that ship, fcking GREGOR?? amazing, loving that shit, eating it up

another suicide? this is getting intense. like this season has given us deeply seeded political issues about clone rights, depictions of blood, brainwashing and two suicides?? like??? things are heating up, the writers are getting more real and I actually kinda,,, love that even though its intense

CROSS MY BOY🥺🥺🥺🥺

clone sipping coffee :)

ye :)

me @ howzer:

he knows someone, eh? THAT'LL BE MY MANS TECH :DDDD

ofc he snatched the gun, you rlly coulda seen that one coming dipstick

it struck me as really odd that Crosshair didn't shoot the female doctor. like the rest of the batch and most of the clones use stun guns ALL THE TIME whereas Crosshair has always shot to kill. again, "severe and unyielding", meaning he takes intense action, committing all the way all the while being so stubborn he hardly ever backs down. honestly, him sparing her is some serious character development. he recognised she was being kind to him and he decided that that was enough reason not to hurt her. either that, or he wanted to abuse her kindness later on

he never wanted to get out, he just wanted to warn his brothers, which is AGAIN SO DIFFERENT from the Cross we've gotten to know in these last two seasons. I actually don't think that's growth anymore. that's Crosshair standing by a choice that he knew was bad for far too long (SEVERE. AND. UNYIELDING.) and now finally admitting he was wrong and going back to what he always wanted and always knew to be right.

ALSO I JUST WITNESSED CROSSHAIR MISS A SHOT TWICE LIKE WTH??? THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE

partially rebuilt Pabu :)))

Hunter being questioned abt being more than just a soldier lol

like sir, the answer is "I am dad, actually."

TECH AND OMEGA FLYING TOGETHER

CACKLING

HE ADJUSTED HIS GOGGLES TWICE IN LIKE 3 MINUTES

HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS FEARING FOR HIS LIVE I AM DYING WITH LAUGHTER FCK

"Up. Up! Up, Omega, pull up!" <- im sorry but Tech's always been just,,, so cool in stressful situations, like almost dying, no biggie. falling out of the sky in a storage box and having a heavy object crush your leg, naaahh we got this. fcking staring a Zillo Beast dead in the eye as it growls at you, easy as pie. omega's flying? panic

"The Tech-Turn? really?" "Now that is not what it is called, but I rather like it. I suggest you proceed before I come to my sen-- AAAAAHHHH."

D Y I N G

did Echo only race Omega to torture Tech? yes, why do you ask?

okay listen I love him, but without his kama Echo looks half naked

TECH FCKING STUMBLING OUT THE SHIP I CAN'T

HUGGIES!!!! ECHO AND OMEGA HUGGIES!! :DDDDD

hmmm the summit huh??? interesting

Tech sounded so worried when he called Hunter over??? waaaaaahhh

Hemlock? more like Hemcock (yes I've been waiting a while to make that joke leave me alone)

YES CROSS IS WARNING YOU. NO HUNTER YOU CAN TRUST HIM GO AFTER HIM GO FIND YOUR BROTHER HE NEEDS YOUR HELP GODDAMN WAAAAAAAAAAAHGGH

Crosshair being offered his freedom and just stubbornly staring back? Severe and unyielding hero edition. I love him, Hunter go get him pls he needs you.

help why did this one feel so short

[the-owl-house-takes]

“How is Belos a colonizer??” Bro needs a basic history 💀 How do you think Belos got to Connecticut in the first place? Also he genuinely colonized the Boiling Isles with how he took over don’t overlook that.

He can hate multiple things?? LMFAO the puritans hated tons of minorities witches included, even if we take the puritan shit out Belos is still bigoted I don’t understand why people are trying to defend him? 💀 He’s literally Belos

“He was not racist where the hell did that come from” bro do you hear what you’re saying - think about what time period he came from.

“There’s quite literally no homophobia or transphobia in toh” that’s only limited to the Boiling Isles 💀 and Belos definitely not from there

“I think it came from Luz being a POC” “it’s not a race thing” “idk where that idea that witches are a race came from but it’s definitely odd” literally just look at where Belos came from. All bigotry ties together mind you. For example you can’t advocating for women’s rights while being transphobic (TERFS) cause then you’re putting not only trans people down - but yourself and other minorities as well. It all connects. Also nobody is saying witches are a race 💀I don’t understand how Belos fans in all the time brainrot ting over Belos don’t realize what time period he came from and how’d it effect him?? (I am a Belos fan myself)

“It’s a fictional character guys!”

Yeah and people love thinking realistically abt him lmao. The fictional character arguments are always so lazy + ignore the real-world messages - yes he’s a fictional character. People like him because he’s so realistic. There are real, yes real people out there, who if they had the chance - would do the exact same things he did just to get rid of a minority. Thats not an exaggeration that’s simple how deep bigotry can run and I love how Belos’ can be portrayed in multiple ways.

Also saying that Belos only hates magic purely because Caleb got ‘corrupted’ by a witch is not correct at all. That bigotry was there longgg long ago 💀 if anything that only amplified it. Belos doesn’t have a justifiable reason to hate witches/magic (Caleb falling in love with a witch is not justified hatred.) he simply does it because he holds those bias & allegories for 400+ years. Note this can extend to how differing witches are to humans in Belos’ eyes. How LGBTQ+ is acceptable for witches while in humans it’s sinful, unnatural, etc. How witches don’t have racism (I swear to god if one more person tells me that there’s no people of color on the Boiling Isles, HAVE YOU SEEN GUS?? 💀) whereas Belos came from an era where racism (to put in its simplest terms) was very much thriving!

The Boiling Isles represents literally everything a bigot like Belos would be against, witches included. Witches can be gay, witches can be people of color, etc. “Belos hates witches only” doesn’t really work for him and what his character is written for. He’s an allegory of bigotry and with the way he acts & speaks you can definitely see it. Fiction affects reality and reality affects fiction.

“He wanted control over the magic and to limit it to what he wanted.” That’s true! I’m unsure where you were going with this? He actually didn’t want this, he only used the coven system as a way to kill everybody easily in one take. He simply needed to gain control over magic first - that was never apart of his original plan. He was out here to kill because the boiling isles represents everything he is against.

“But Caleb came from the same time period and he’s not bad!”

I love comparing Caleb & Belos together sm. Further cementing into the ground that Belos being a bigot is all his doing is because Caleb unlearned the bigotry. Caleb was also a colonizer, he was also a witch hunter! He also likely held those other harmful beliefs for most of his life! But Caleb changed, whereas Belos clung to those beliefs. That’s why I love these two they’re a great example of why bigotry is taught and can be unlearned! Acknowledging this can add to their stories more, give them more depth, add more realism to an already scary villain! The reason Belos is so scary as a villain is because of how real he is - there genuinely are people out there who’d do the same as him if given the chance.

As a POC who studies a lot about how bigotry develops - I love studying Belos, he’s very well written in this regard imo! I feel like people who don’t want to acknowledge the rest of Belos’ bigotry miss the point of his entire character arc 😭 he’s somebody who fell into the deep extremes of bias & hate - let him be hateful.

I hope this helped the original person to have a better understanding of this topic? They seemed ill informed/uneducated so I hope my rant helped 😭(not saying that as an insult btw)

-

[berniecranes]

One thing that kind have irked me a little bit is John's views in the game. No, not the fundamentals I disagree with, as that is obvious. But the inconsistencies with what they built up for him. They're minor details, it doesn't really change much, but excuse this ramble I am going into. It's going to be talking about the VW, and some of the tactics used in it, so I want to give a full warning for this.

Also I want to preface this as this is not to defend John. I have been more than adamant on the fact that John is a scary, shitty, C*A Officer regardless of anything else.

As you may know, John makes a passing comment to Lincoln about how LBJ is handling the war. He says "President Johnson is a goddamn pussy. He started that war, he should finish it." which clearly shows John, a. Puts blame on LBJ for pushing the war, obviously being lighter towards Jack's actions earlier on. Whether he is a believer that Jack wouldn't have escalated the war, or he wouldn't have had it get this bad/would have handled it better, that is up for debate. And b. He wants it to end. Which is an obvious, I think assuming him and Lincoln want this war to be over makes sense. But, especially with the idea he was a C*A Officer; because at this time, the C*A and M*litary were not hand in hand allies, as I believe that happened either with N*xon or the 80s, I cannot remember fully right now. They often opposed views. And with this, the C*A believing they "ACTUALLY want to the end the war"; whereas the m*litary wants "glory." Now, I would like to point out, just because John wants the war to end doesn't make him anti-war. As we hear how he feels abt anti-war protesters. Clearly he still believes they should do their """civic duty""" or whatever. Regardless of if you're happy with it or not, or be quiet and go along with it, I guess.

But this really is where my biggest gripe comes in. John says the way to end the war is "filling up the sky with B-52s" AKA, keep bombing V*etnam. This has been the tactic that has been FAILING. LBJ has been critiqued even in his own Party that he needs to stop the bombing & to start negotiations. But the thing with LBJ, he is too stubborn likes to do things his way. And, do you know who opposed continuous bombing? The C*A. While I know clearly not EVERYONE did, but then tell me why....when they established John is unhappy with how things are going, especially with what LBJ is doing.....WHY he would be pro the tactics that ISN'T working? UGH! It just makes no sense to me. And to go on and continue to mock him when he haults the bombings? Like hello?

And no, I do not believe he would want N*xon or whatever because I still do believe he is a democrat. I think his staunch support for Jack should definitely still be noted. He wouldn't go SO hard for a politician he believed in...if he didn't believe in him you know? Remember John is a man of this time, he's an actively present adult. He isn't looking at it 60 yrs later, he's looking at it in the moment. I think it's more than fair to say his frustration of LBJ doesn't show he is suddenly against him or whatever. Because they're just that; frustrations. Especially in the conference, we see how the war fucked with John and how he feels about everything as a whole. But it is true, the handling of the war overshadowed literally EVERYTHING LBJ did. And I'm not saying that is a bad thing, when your screw up (putting that lightly) is a literal mass killing of an entire group of people, that is GONNA be the focus of what you did. Oh, but with the line where John says if Jack was still around N*xon wouldn't be president. I believe that is a rather loaded answer, not as simple as Jack would be elected, because he couldn't have been, it would already be 2nd term. The plan always would have been Bobby would try after Jack, then Teddy. But I think he still holds a lot of his hopes in what the nation could have been with him, and truly feels Am*rica "lost its way" or whatever. But yeah, I think it's clear he still is aligned this way regardless of the many wrong things John does or say.

Like I mentioned, this is by no means me defending him or the C*A, as they were doing terrible shit. As we know the Ph*onix Pr*gram (which to remind you, M3 has John AND Lincoln involved in that for some reason...) exists, and many other things are public about their doings there. I just think this shows how the game lacks to really show anyone's core views or thoughts. Instead of using John as a way to show the many different views, they should have stuck to one and have him do that. Instead, they went with this, something that literally makes NO sense.

Below the cut are all the John lines I mentioned and also a passage or two from the book V*etnam: A History by St*nley K*rnow

Added in alt text so hopefully they're all easier to read, I apologize abt the book pictures, they were taken last year in the middle of me reading so often I just got a quick pic and continued on, aha

[aropride]

i am losing it the tiniest bit .

googling like "my mother treats me like a child" or wgatever just brings up like ppl talking abt their mothers not wanting them to grow up or not giving them enough freedom which is a valid problem and one i have but it is a completely different problem from the one im looking for information on which is that i am a 20 year old man and my mother babytalks at me like a four year old on a regular basis. its drivng me fucking crazy but i dont want to argue and she wouldnt listen anyway she'd probably just be like "i dont do that" which .okay. but like holy fucking shit it is SO annoying and demeaning and WEIRD.

and like i can handle it when she treats me like. a teenager. like whatever im 20 close enough i dont care. but when she treats me like im 10. or 7. or fucking 4. its like. what the fuck is your problem.

and like okay i was thinking abt this the other day bc i was talking 2 my dad like just hanging out and he was treating me like a Person and like. idk i feel like when he had kids he was Expecting and Excited for us to turn into little people with our own thoughts and free will (maybe not the transgender communist thing i think that was a bit far but he's always been supportive in terms of like. me being my own person otherwise).

and my dad volunteers at church with some of the kids like 9-12 age range, and a lot of them have rough home lives and 'act out' cuz of that and he's very patient with them and helps them with what theyre going thru and generally just acts like theyre little people. because they ARE little people. like he genuienly cares for those kids and is always like... taking them to the park and stuff but also like, being character witness for their parents' custody battles n shit like actually helping and suppotying them.

whereas my mother volunteers at church with babies and toddlers and its almost like she sees them as pets. and will complain abt them being annoying or MEAN if they cry or dont want to play with her. like she's nice to them but she will complain abt it as if theyre trying to spite her

and i feel like she didnt become a parent bc she wanted to raise a small human i feel like she just wanted a pet. and shes been better with my sister but when i was a kid the second i was like 6 and developed some free will she kinda like. Moved on from me LOL. and stopped caring abt me outside of like. buying food. wire mother type shit. idk it's just really obvious that my dad cares abt these kids as people but my mother cares abt them for only as long as they dont upset her or do something she doesnt want them to. if that makes sense

and idk its like. i am 20 years old. im not going to go back to a 4 year old with no sense of the world outside of u because I AM TWENTY YEARS OLD. I HAVE LIVED ALONE IN SCHOOL I HAVE GONE TO THE DMV I HAVE WORKED A JOB I HAVE DEALT WITH MEDICAL EMERGENCIES ON MY OWN . i have had to make my way through every single social problem and mental health problem and shit since i was SIX bc thats when she stopped giving a shit about me. im not a child anymore

but i think its also part of why im so fucking bad at Being An Adult. bc she never taught me how do to any of this shit bc she was busy pretending im still a little kid. and now im too anxious to figure out how to do things on my own and i dont know how to ask for help and everything is very overwhelming and she tells me she wants me to get a job but doesnt help and she acts like she wants me to leave but she doesnt tell me that or help me leave and i am SO FUCKING SICK of living at home but i dont have the money or the skills to get out

and she's NEVER helped me with adult stuff either . the only thing i can think of is when she took me to the bank bc i needed her signature to take her off my bank account . otherwise my dad has been the one to help me with college applications + college stuff in general + finances + jobs etc etc . whereas my mother ACTIVELY LIES TO ME ABOUT THOSE THINGS TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY OWN DEBIT CARD !!!!!!!!!!

and it's this fucking exhausting mix of signals where she's like "u need to get a job u need to learn to drive u need to do this and that" but also she Literally , not exageratting , treats and talks to me like i am a child . i am so fucking sick of it it's unreal . i am going to lose my fucking mind .