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tommykinard · 3 hours ago

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Finally

Here’s the thing about Chimney: he’s observant. He’s smart. Very little gets past him, especially when it comes to the people he loves.

He knows Buck very well, and loves him like an annoying little brother. They’re family: literally and figuratively.

So Chimney knows that Buck isn’t straight. He’d never go so far as to assign a label to him, but the evidence has stacked up over the years into something undeniable. There’s the whole thing with Eddie, first of all. Whatever that is now, it started out as an aggressive attraction. Buck had taken one look at Eddie and gotten so flustered he decided he was feeling territorial. But it didn’t start with Eddie. Even in his probie year, Buck flirted with hot men the same way he flirted with hot women, though it was clear he didn’t know that’s what he was doing.

And that’s what drives Chimney up the wall about the whole thing: Buck doesn’t seem to know he likes men. Chim knows this for a fact because Buck 1.0 had told detailed stories about his sex life, and not once was there a man involved. He’s completely oblivious.

So when Chimney introduces Eddie and Buck to Tommy Kinard, and Buck physically trips over his own feet and introduces himself as ‘Evan’ to his own evident confusion, all Chimney can think is Here we go again.

Tommy seems charmed by Buck’s nervous puppy energy, but Chimney still figures it won’t go anywhere. It never does. He knows Tommy isn’t straight—had caught him looking at Sal a little too intently more than once back in the day, and all his excuses for not dating women were delivered a little too urgently by the end of his time at the 118—but that doesn’t matter. Chim doesn’t anticipate anything changing for Buck tonight. A hurricane, a capsized cruise ship, and a missing father figure take priority over a crush, even for Buck.

Chimney didn’t anticipate Tommy sticking around, though. He’s been a loyal but distant friend for the better part of a decade now. The last thing Chimney expects is for Eddie to start talking about his and Tommy’s adventures together. It seems like the last thing Buck expects, too.

Chimney wakes up one morning to find Buck and Maddie in the kitchen. Buck is ranting about Tommy taking Eddie to Vegas and about Christopher liking him too much. Chimney sees Maddie shaking her head in warning but he still decides to poke the bear. He can’t help it.

“That Tommy’s so cool,” Chim gushes.

Buck sips his coffee sarcastically. He’s too deep in the threatened phase of this crush for Chimney’s hype to do anything but annoy him.

It’s a matter of days before Buck invites Chimney to play basketball. Brother-in-law bonding time, Buck says. Buck hates basketball so Chimney is a little suspicious, but he’s happy to go along with it. That is, until they get to the court where Eddie and Tommy are already playing.

Buck’s manic insistence on playing here on this day at this time makes more sense now. Irritation ripples through Chimney as he realizes he’s being used by someone who doesn’t even understand why he’s doing it.

“So I’m your basketball beard,” Chimney can’t help but observe.

It’s the least subtle hint he’s ever dropped and he’s not even sure Buck hears it. Buck’s eyes are firmly focused on Tommy. A small, smitten smile forms on his lips. Tommy looks like his breath has been taken away. Buck lets Tommy call him ‘Evan’ and smiles like he’s been waiting his whole life for someone to say it the soft way Tommy does.

Chimney can’t blame either of them. They’re both extraordinarily attractive men, even for LA. It’s just the fact that nothing will come from this because nothing ever does that frustrates him. It’s not Chimney’s place to tell Buck he’s not straight. It’s not Chimney’s place to tell Tommy that Buck thinks he’s straight.

Chimney can’t even commiserate with Eddie because he’s completely oblivious to the homoeroticism of the scene playing out in front of him. He smiles behind his sunglasses like he can’t believe his good luck that so many of his friends are here to play with him. Bafflingly, he’s taking this whole thing at face value. Chimney wants to tear his fucking hair out. He’s alone in this.

So he watches Buck and Tommy dance around each other on the court, slamming into each other and showing off their strength and size to each other like they’re birds doing an intricate mating dance. Tommy looks like he’s having fun. Buck looks like he’s in hell.

As frustrating as this is, Chimney is more than a little proud of Tommy. He’s openly flirting with a man in public; in front of his friends. Tommy has come a long way from pretending he isn’t dating women because they’re too intimidated by the job. Chim decides he’ll clap Tommy on the back after the game and try to find a way to show his support without making it weird.

And then Buck bodychecks Eddie into the pavement.

The misplaced emotions don’t surprise Chim, but the violence does. This side of Buck hasn’t reared its head since 2018. These days, Buck is a gentle giant. A puppy.

Oh, this is serious. Chim hasn’t seen Buck down this bad for anyone since Eddie. Maybe since Abby. Honestly… maybe never.

Buck’s guilt is immediately written all over his face. Just like when he introduced himself to Tommy as ‘Evan,’ it’s clear that he has no idea why he just did what he did. Chimney almost wants to take pity on him and just say You’re attracted to Tommy and I can’t watch you fumble around like this anymore! You’re hurting more than just yourself now, but he doesn’t. It’s still not his place.

He settles for, “Well, you bucked that up, didn't you?” and leaves it at that.

The drive home is quiet and tense. Buck is so deep in his own thoughts he misses the turn onto Chimney’s street. Twice.

Chimney invites him in for dinner but Buck declines. Chimney doesn’t insist. Some time spent alone at the loft reflecting on the day might not go amiss, Chim thinks. Maybe if Buck thinks about what happened today hard enough he’ll knock some sense into himself.

And maybe he does. Buck walks into the station for their next shift dazed. Something happened, but it’s not clear what. For once, Buck isn’t talking about it. He insists everything is good with Eddie now, and also with Tommy. His eyelashes flutter a little when he says Tommy’s name. He smiles like he’s had a private revelation. Chimney doesn’t get his hopes up, but it’s a close thing.

For the first time, it seems like Buck might—might—have some awareness of his attraction to men.

Chim has no doubt that Hen clocks it too, but they have an unspoken agreement not to discuss Buck’s sexuality. Chimney is terrible at keeping secrets, and the second they start talking about it it goes from an observation to a secret. So Chimney keeps it to himself.

On Sunday morning, Buck is miserable, but he keeps it to himself. He insists he’s fine. Anyone not studying his contemplative, crestfallen face in the quiet moments would almost believe it. He’s a terrible liar but a good actor when it matters. Buckleys are good at hiding their pain when they want to.

He’s clearly not fine, though. He’s jumpy, mopey, and angry with himself all at once. It hurts Chimney to watch his brother-in-law like this. He loves Buck, clueless pain in the ass that he is. He wishes he could help, but this seems like something Buck has to do on his own. Or, at least, something that Chim isn’t best positioned to help him with.

Buck isn’t miserable for long. His confidence comes back in fits and bursts, and within a week he’s back to that small, secret smile he’d worn the shift after the pickup game. This time, Chimney learns why.

Buck comes over for dinner with Maddie and Jee-Yun. Jee is at an age when it’s important to emphasize manners to her. The adults make sure to say please and thank you as they pass dishes to each other throughout the meal. It’s forced and awkward, but it’s been helping her learn.

When they’re all down to a few bites left on their plates, Buck starts fidgeting.

“So, uh, I- I know we’re only two weeks out from your wedding, but I need to RSVP a plus-one.” Buck is blushing, tripping over his words. “If- if it’s not too last minute. I already, uh, I- I already asked and he said yes, so…”

He. He. Chimney wants to throw his fork across the room and shout with joy. Fucking finally. Softly, casually, almost incidentally, after all these years of slamming himself against a wall he couldn’t see, Buck is out. Buck knows. Oh, the relief!

“He said yes?” Maddie almost squeals. She reaches across the table and squeezes Buck’s hand with excitement.

Buck nods, his face breaking into a smile brighter than anything Chimney has ever seen from him. It falls just a little when he looks nervously at Chimney.

“Chim?” he asks. “Can I bring a date?”

Chimney will deal with the fact that his soon-to-be wife has seemingly known about this for a while and had already given her blessing without giving anything away. He’s feeling too vindicated that finally, finally Buck figured himself out. He’s proud, too, but mostly he’s feeling relieved. He doesn’t have to keep this inside anymore.

Still, Chim can’t resist teasing his little brother. If Buck wanted this to be a big, emotional coming out moment, he wouldn’t have dropped the pronoun so casually. Chim fights a smirk as he turns to Jee-Yun.

“Jee, what do we say when we want something?” Chim asks. “What’s that magic little word?”

“Please!” Jee yells proudly, happy that she knew the answer.

“That’s right. So if Uncle Buck wants to bring Daddy’s friend Tommy to Mommy and Daddy’s wedding, what should he say?”

Chim doesn’t miss Buck’s intake of breath or the return of his smile; pleasantly surprised this time instead of simply deliriously happy.

“Please!” Jee squeals again.

“Exactly,” Chim says with a smile. He turns to Buck. “Would you like to set a good example for your niece?”

“Please, can I please bring Tommy as my date to your wedding?” Buck asks, indulgent and happy to be teased. “Please?”

Chimney pretends to think about it for a second. He looks to Jee, who nods, and then he shrugs. “Tommy’s pretty cool. I guess we can find a seat for him, since you asked so nicely.”

“Thank you,” Buck laughs. His face twists with happy confusion. “H-how did you know it was him? It could’ve been any random guy.”

Chim wants to scream-laugh at the absurdity of that idea. Any random guy. All the random guys in Los Angeles haven’t made Buck understand his attraction to men, despite some of their blatant best efforts over the years. It wasn’t until he met Tommy that it became undeniable. It took Tommy to finally break down that wall. And Chim watched the whole thing.

“Buck, I was there when you almost fell flat on your face at the first sight of him. I was there when you almost killed Eddie because he was taking Tommy’s attention away from you. Don’t forget, that second time, I was only there because you dragged me to play a game you hate on false pretenses just so you could see Tommy again. I’m not an idiot, you know.”

“I…” Buck’s mouth falls open and his eyebrows furrow as he puts the pieces together. “Okay, but- but Eddie was there both of those times, too. And after that he interrupted our first date a-and he didn’t even have a clue.”

Chim shrugs. “Eddie is an idiot. It’s why you two get along so well.”

“Okay,” Maddie says, putting her hands up. “Can we be nice to Buck at his coming out dinner, please? This is big.”

“It is big,” Chimney agrees. “It is. I’m proud of you for figuring this out about yourself, Buck. But the rest of us have known for years. Don’t think I’m gonna start treating you any differently now that you know you like guys, too.”

Buck squawks. “Years?”

“Okay, we didn’t all know,” Maddie insists.

“I mean, it’s not like we talk about it behind your back, but it’s never been a secret,” Chim shrugs. “I’m just relieved we’re all on the same page now.”

He watches several emotions pass over Buck’s face—confusion, joy, betrayal, confusion again—before settling on relieved acceptance as he realizes everyone in his life already knows and loves the real him. Buck laughs and spreads his hands out in front of him.

“Well, good. I’m, uh, I’m relieved too. I’m really…” Buck trails off with a smile. “I feel free.”

He looks it, too. His shoulders are relaxed and his back is straighter, like a weight has been lifted off of him. Chim has watched Buck suffer under its weight time and time again for as long as he’s known him. Now, Buck sits across from him looking loose and at ease with himself.

“I’ve never seen you happier, man. Really,” Chim says seriously. “It’s a good look on you.”

Buck beams at him and Chim can’t help but smile back. Now that the relieved vindication has worn off, Chim just feels proud.

Maddie was right: this is big. But it’s not big because Buck felt comfortable coming out to him. They live in LA and have always been outspoken allies. Buck should have known the queer aspect wouldn’t phase Chim. No, it’s big because it’s Buck coming to know himself better. It’s Buck settling into who he’s always been. It’s Buck looking at this behavior he’s exhibited for years and finally understanding what it actually means.

The way Buck handled this—quietly, on his own or in private conversations instead of taking it to the group and asking for everyone’s input—has been refreshing. It speaks to how much he’s matured over the years; how much genuine self-confidence he’s gained. He’s grown into someone less cocky, less insecure. This is a Buck who stops and thinks instead of rushing towards a trapped baby ax-first. Chim wouldn’t say Buck is quite self-actualized yet, but he’s getting closer.

Chimney has a complicated relationship with brothers. To an extent, all of the firefighters he’s worked with for an extended period of time feel like they’re his siblings. There’s a camaraderie that bonds first responders together—forged in fire and strengthened in the long hours of a slow shift. It’s inevitable.

But he has real brothers, too: one he grew up with and one who shares his blood. He lost Kevin, and some part of him will always feel guilty about how he died. It wasn’t Chimney’s fault, not really, but that doesn’t soothe the ache in his chest when he thinks about it. He loves Albert, but Chimney missed so much of his life, and the specter of their father hangs over their every conversation, especially now that Albert is back home working for him. It doesn’t make Chimney love Albert any less, but it makes it difficult to talk to him sometimes.

Buck is different. Buck is a firefighter brother and will soon be his brother by marriage, too. Chim has spent more time with Buck than he has with Albert, and there’s no doubt that he knows Buck better, too. He’s annoying. He’s earnest. He’s frustrating. He’s funny. There’s not a doubt in Chim’s mind that Buck would walk through fire without his gear for him, and Chim would do the same for Buck. The love is uncomplicated and deep.

Buck is not in a million years the man Chim would choose as his closest brother, but in this moment he’s never been more proud to call him family.

Before Buck leaves, Maddie pulls him into a long hug. She cries, just a little, tucked into his chest, but so does Buck. Chim manages to keep his eyes dry when he gives Buck a hug of his own, but he lets it linger a bit longer than he usually would. Buck squeezes him hard enough to make him wheeze. Chim just laughs and claps him on the back.

Teasing and sarcasm aside, seeing Buck this settled truly does warm Chimney’s heart. It’s a long time coming, and Tommy is a great guy. They’re good for each other. There’s something different about the way Buck feels about Tommy, for it to have inspired this revelation in Buck—to have finally introduced Buck to this side of himself.

There’s a deep smile that hasn’t left Buck’s face since Tommy’s name came up tonight, and Chim is glad to finally see his brother so free.

{give me kudos!}

#this was really sweet i love the chimney pov #911 #kinkley #buckley-han family #fic #do queue like that?

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