#it’s giving ‘need to go back to therapy’

[tinyfantasminha]

LONG HAIRED JACK!

LONG HAIRED JACK!!

LONG HAIRED JACK!!!

GOD I NEED HIM

WHAT

WHAT DO YOU MEAN JACK IS IN THE NEW EVE-

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okay this is .

this is not happenig.

I must be tired. my sleep paralysis demon is playing pranks on me.

I will sleep some more. goodbye everyone, I'll see yall in therapy.

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WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WHAT THEFUCJKJKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK FNFOFNHNHNFGHGFIO902395329-0)nNRHTNHRTMMOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAHT THE ACTUAL FUVK WHY DOES THIS EXIST WHO YTHOUGHT OF THIS WHAT THE HEÇLLLLLLLLL WHEN I SAW THIS I SCREAMDEF SO HARD IN MY PILLOW I STARTEDF COUGHING UNTIL I ALMOST PASSED OUT THIS IS TWISTED TWISTED WHAT THE HHGELL HE LOOKS LIKE A PRINCE WHAT IS WITHHB THAT FLOWY LGONG HAIR??????????????????????????!?!?!? A TNGLED EVENT ??????????? ONE OGF THE BEST MOVIES FROM THE 3D ERA???????????? AND JACK IS IN IT????????? WHY DOEDS HE LOOK LIKE A MIX OF FLYNN RIDER AND RAPUNCZEL THIS IS SICK AND TWISTED AND HFES WEARING PINK AND LILAC AND HAS EYESHADOW ON WE ARE SOOOOO BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK WE ARE SO BACK IM LIETTALYL PASSING OUT I NEED TO RUN INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC FOR THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH

I (DEEP BREATH) ITS NOT WORKING IM STILL HYPERVENTILATING

NOOOOO BUT WHY DOES HE LOOK SO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭AND SO 😭😭😭😭😭😭THIS ISC CRAZY HE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 HE LOOKS LIKE A MAJESTIC PRINCE 😭😭😭😭😭😭HE HAS FLOWERS IN HIS HAIR 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I KID YOU NOT WHEN I SAW HES GOING TO BE A GACHA SR I FELL TO MY KNEES

DO YOU JKNOW WHAT THIS MEANS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,??

HE WILL GET A GROOVY. AND A VIGNETTE.

THIS IS HISTORICAL REPARATION FROM FAIRY GALA FOR NEVER GIVING US THE PRETTY JACK GROOVY WE DESERVED

EEEEEEEWRMRMM DONT JUST SAY HE LOOKS LIKE FLYNN RIDER AKA THE DISNEY SEXYMAN OF THE 2010s WHO DIDNT HAVE A CRUSH ON FLYNN RIDER??? THIS IS CLEATRLY A STRETCH-

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[timkontheunsure]

Love and twinkly fairy dust can't fix your Brain

Ok yer joking aside about M&M and Fizzmodeus having all the drama next season. With Stolitz getting to be good and cute together...

We all know this is the emotional rollercoaster Vivi said to get ready for. (Still hoping a little cute though lol)

We love Blitz but he very clearly has BPD, and a massive problem of using doting on Loona, and now Stolas; to fill in for his self loathing issues.

And he is going assume that a relationship, with the man he loves; will make everything magical better all the time...🤦

Because that basically what he was doing with Loona. He has the box marked "child to give unconditional love and support to".

But struggled to change his mental map, when he adopted a nearly 18 year old with trauma, trust issues and very thick protective walls.

Him babying her made it harder for her to trust it wasn't all just bullshit.

Things like Queen Bee where he did turn up when she needed, followed her lead on staying, and give her the confidence in a new environment helped alot.

He was treated her like the adult she is for once, and they clicked.

But so to does him dropping a little of the mask, and telling her he had a really shitty day helped. And taking care of him a little...

It lets her feel needed by him for once.

Parent/child relationship are naturally more 1 way, than partner relationships which are meant to be fully equal.

And I agree it's got to be Stolas that does it. It can't be Blitz working it out himself, or Millie giving him the answer.

Stolas is the other half of their relationship, and now his depression is being managed again; it on him to step up and stop Blitz giving too much. Which is probably going to be when he crashes from trying way too hard.

Ok so that's balance of give and take is a hard thing to get right at the best of time; especially when neither has much experience.

It's Stolas first romantic relationship, and Blitz's second, (first if we're talking him actually being in love).

But Stolas does has the experience being the all giver in a relationship, with Stella.

And Blitz has the experience being the all taker in a relationship, with Verosika.

Neither of them would want to repeat any of those patterns; especially being in the reverse positions, but fuck ups are the way people learn.

(Blitz even fucks up and copies Cash's crap; threating Loona's place in IMP in seeing stars. So this shows really good at handling learned unhealthy behaviour patterns).

And like how mastermind showed that unconditional love, from both Via and Blitz; can't fix Stolas depression. He needs his meds for that.

Season 3 is going show that Blitz can't use doting on Stolas to fix his underlay mentally health issues, and self loathing. That he's going have to accept some back, and that he really does deserve it.

(Really flipping hoping Blitz gets therapy, but bet that end game stuff).

Blitzø's Inevitable Crash

So Season 2 of Helluva Boss ends with Blitzø playing caretaker / supportive boyfriend / emotional support cat-lizard to his birb, who is literally having the worse day of his life.

Blitzø, right now is at the top of his game and his mental health is at an all time high right now because this is a Blitzø who has fully accepted the fact that he is loved and it is okay to love and be loved.

But Blitzø himself hasn't learned to love himself or appreciate himself more, and the show makes it so glaringly obvious. And all I can think about is how Blitzø is going to crash so hard in Season 3 as his self-loathing eventually gets worse and worse to the point it eventually explodes...

Because Blitzø is most definitely putting his own mental health in the backburner in favor of helping Stolas adjust to his new life as a commoner, and life without being codependent on his daughter.

And right now, that's fine.

But here's the thing about relationships, it's a two-way street.

Blitzø can't play caretaker and supportive boyfriend forever, and eventually it's going to be Stolas' turn to support Blitzø when he needs it the most.

And the reason why I think it has to be Stolas?

Because Stolas hasn't seen Blitz cry yet...

Because Stolas has seen the marked out photos on Blitzø's walls, but he hasn't drawn attention to them yet...

Because Stolas knows that Blitzø has his own set of issues...

Right now Blitzø is acting as Stolas' light...

Just as Blitzø was the light that taught Stolas that he too could forge his own destiny, and make his own choices...

He's going to be the guiding light that will help him navigate his new way of life as a commoner.

As Stolas learns to find love through community, hopefully he'll soon be able to see the benefits that came from choosing Blitz in the end...

And hopefully one day Stolas can be the heart that Blitzø needs to learn to appreciate himself more...

Just as he was the heart that helped Blitzø realize that it's okay to love and be loved.

[asksonicverse]

You dont need to answer but I just wanted to tell you I adore Paradox being like "I hate all of them except" and then listing everyone except like 2 guys, honey you don't hate *all* of them you expressly don't hate *most of them*

Extremely charming characterization i adore it

[Creator Special number 2!]

So glad someone noticed that, I was originally going to have him name EVERYONE except Boost but then I was like “nah, Mania is just too annoying for Paradox to tolerate him”

And thanks! I’m trying to be… consistent with my characterization of each of them and stay in line with canon but like… URGH sometimes I want to deviate so bad just to indulge but I resist!

Needless to say tho, prism is probably going to get more affectionate later on. Rewatched Sonic Prime again and bro is a cutie patootie!

Headcanons… headcanons… hmm

Well, starting with the obvious, Paradox goes to therapy as I’ve mentioned which I think is hilarious. He and Lance are the only Shadows who really have their shit together which is why I think Sonadow works well for them? (we stan healthy relationships guys)

I do head canon that Eight doesn’t like being touched really at all anymore. After the metal virus, he grew so used to the fact that he couldn’t touch anyone that it sorta just stuck. He does it to save people, but not anything more. :(

And while I’m a sucker for the Trans Sonic HC I decided not to implement it in this particular AU!

I really want to include Captain Sonic and Shadow, but I haven’t played nor watched a serious play through of the game. (I’ve only really listened to a bit of the Snapcube dub..)

can someone tell me if Shadow is a Barista or a Mechanic in that game btw?? I google it, nothing pops up. I could’ve sworn there was something about a mechanic.

Uhh I LOVE Sonic Frontiers, fire game. If I include that one, it’ll ALSO be Sonamy since I’m pretty sure that game takes place before SA2 in canon?

I’m trying to keep the Sonics and Shadows balanced but I’d love to add Generations Shadow and Sonic. Just thinking of names already I get “Doom” for Shadow and “Emerald” for Sonic. (Referencing the fake emerald from their interaction in the shadow story)

Unfortunately I haven’t seen the Archie comics or Sonic Underground so I wouldn’t even know where to begin.

Someone also asked about if I’d ever include different AU’s: maybe if those AU creators gave me permission I’d be down to do a collab for a few asks or something!

Nope!

I dunno I just..! … how do I do? I’m fast. And you’re slow. That’s how I did it. /ref

Ahahah just kidding! But I am very fast. A few years ago I convinced myself I was a “slow drawer” because I was in a discord server with someone I looked up to (and holy cheese they could draw out fully articulate sketches in like 30 seconds!)

So I got insecure and taught myself to draw really fast. So now I just.. zoom! This does have a terrible draw back where I will very frequently forget smaller details.

Like if you look at half the posts, Shadow is missing his eyeliner and other markings frequently.

THIS IS JUST HILARIOUS TO ME YOU GUYS. PLEASE—

I’ve gotten SO many asks in my box about using Maria to calm the Shadows down or trying to give Shadows “Maria plushies”

Imagine you’re having a bad day and you get a plushie of your dead sibling thrown at you??? LMFAOOOO

I CANT I CANT I CANT PUT THEM THROUGH THAT 💔 Also I see every single ask.

“Do you all like Latinas” and “sonic which shadow is the hottest/shadow which sonic is the hottest” have all been engraved in my brain

Was joking with a friend on how that second question would come out LMFAOO

Previous | Next

[respectthepetty]

I really love that Wa and Yotha are good exes to each other now that they are in other relationships fifteen episodes into Perfect 10 Liners. And I love that they keep talking under the "Don't text your ex" sign.

Because even though Wa's relationship with Klao has more than its share of problems, they balance each other out. Klao needs someone to save him from himself, and Wa wants to be a savior.

And Wa couldn't be that person for Yotha. Wa couldn't rescue Yotha all the time. Yotha needed a guy who saw all his darkness and embraced it.

Sometimes a Black Brooder doesn't need to be saved by a Heavenly Human. Sometimes he simply needs a chill Green Guy to remind him that the world isn't such a dark place.

And Yotha found that light in Gun.

Much like Red Rascal Arc realized he could experience happiness every day instead of believing every day was a fight through his love for Yellow Yal Arm.

And Blue Boy Sand and his elite Mean Girls shirt found the perfect guy to understand him in Orange Oddity Pond.

Pond makes him breakfast and leaves little orange notes with daily encouragement.

And Sand loves every second of it!

So it's time for these color-coded boys in love to follow their seniors into domestic bliss, so now that Yotha has apologized for hurting his Green Guy, all is well.

Regardless if Faifa likes it or not.

They could have at least waited until Faifa was pretending to be asleep. The disrespect!

But our pretty Blue Boy still comes out on top after becoming the newest campus star, and he gets a beautiful crown of flowers for it because he deserves nice things.

So while his brothers and brother-in-law are about to go through trails and tribulations, Faifa is just going to be enjoying his win.

And while MY HEART IS BEING RIPPED OUT OF MY BODY, Faifa is going to be celebrating in the bar with his friends.

AND WHEN YOTHA'S HEART IS BEING RIPPED OUT OF HIS BODY AND BEING SMASHED IN FRONT OF HIS FACE, Faifa will be drinking the night away knowing he is the bestest boy on campus.

Narrator: Faifa will, in fact, be very pissed off.

But thank goodness Newton is about that business and decided to bring a gun to a knife fight, so the Jets and Sharks will have to sort out their differences another day.

(These two are so dramatic and constantly remind me that this is a JittiRain series)

But, thankfully, Faifa and his "Where there is love, this is life" shirt exit quickly once he sees everyone is okay and notices that Gun is wearing Yotha's black shirt since he knows that shirt isn't going to stay on long now that Yotha is aware of his feelings.

Gun is pulling a Sally Field right now and is shocked that Yotha actually loves him when all of the signs pointed to Yotha being in love with him, but I love this journey of realization for Gun.

And now Yotha has to negotiate how many cows he is willing to give Gun's family so he can keep him and Gun's dad said he just needed to pay a utility bill every now and then (probably electricity, am I right?), and he can keep his son for life. I love this for them!

BUT I DON'T LOVE THIS! Love does not heal trauma, babes! NO! You are not certified to perform exposure therapy! Don't make Gun cry like this. IT HURTS ME!

*rocking back and forth* I'm going to look at the parents' books about colors and design to calm down. Just leave me here for a second. I'll be fine.

Now this is more like it. Just be there for him when he wakes him. Comfort him. Love him.

Be his sunshine in the darkness.

But do NOT do what you are thinking about doing in his childhood room in his parents' house.

You know what? Actually, go for it! They deserve this.

I have a sister to put to bed anyway.

AYEEE

[vssail]

floury kisses | jason todd x reader

sumary: stressed from work, you try baking therapy. jason comes home to the mess (and the chaos) and is both amused and concerned.

a/n: english is not my first language! // 797 words

yes, the whole hand thing is (an attempt of) a ratatouille reference

It was late—too late for anyone but him to be awake. The apartment was dark except for the soft glow spilling from the living room, shadows flickering against the walls. He rolled his shoulders, wincing at the stiffness from the night’s patrol, and kicked the door shut behind him. He was tired. He just wanted to go to bed, pull you close and fall into the dreams realm.

The moment he got into the apartment through your shared bedroom window, he noticed the sweet smell of vanilla filling the air. The smell guided him to the kitchen, where he found you, battling to mix some ingredients in a heart-shaped bowl.

The sight was a mix between charming and worrying. You looked absolutely adorable trying to bake just wearing one of his old hoodies and with your hair in a messy bun. There was flour everywhere - literally - and the state of the table would cause Alfred a heart attack, but it just made the scene more delightful.

But then he glanced at the kitchen door and it read 03:42 AM. And he remembered how much you hated baking. And he took notice of the frown on your eyebrows.

"Hi babe" he started. He decided to stay in the door's frame, give you some space.

You didn't take your eyes off the bowl you were fighting with. "Hi Jace"

Your cold tone only increased his worries.

"Didn't know you were training for Bake Off"

A little joke, an attempt to take that frown off your face. He smiled when your expression softed.

"Bad day at work. Someone told me that baking is relaxing"

"And is it working?"

"Definetely not"

Both of you laugh at your answer.

He could ask what went wrong today. He should ask what went wrong today. But that would only cause you more stress. That topic could be touched later.

"I'm not sure if I should ask you what are you making or the whisk if it's being held hostage" he (half) jokes again (the way you were holding that whisk was concerning).

You giggle, way more relaxed. Jason's smile widens. God did he love to see you smile, laugh - happy.

"I wanted to make doughnuts, but something is not working here and is driving me mad" you explained with a sight. "The ingredients are too stiff, but in the video they mix so easily"

He finally approaches you, his body's warm embracing you. You lay your back against his chest on pure instinct while still trying to mix the ingredients in the bowl. Big hands are placed over your smaller ones, guiding you to leave the bowl on the table.

"The butter is too cold, you won't get it mixed unless you wait for it to get warm" he mumbled while hands took yours and guided you to take other ingredients. "We can make the glaze meanwhile"

You turned to look at him, who still was guiding your hands. Sometimes you doubted about how could he be so amazing and not realize it. Like, he reads, cooks, bakes and makes you feel safe in the city of crime. It was in this little dazing moment when you took notice of his face - of his tired expression.

"You should go to bed, Jace" you murmured, your eyes practically pleading him. He probably was exhausted from patrol, he needed to rest.

He met your gaze, his eyes turning amused. One of his hands left yours, only to rest it on your face and caress it. His soft smile turned into a smirk, which made you frown in doubt.

"What? Why are you smiling like that?" you asked.

He simply pointed to the window, and you turned to see your reflection. Your eyes widened when you noticed a big flour handprint on your cheek. .

"You son of- I'm here all worried for you and you come up with this?" you scolded. It only made him chuckle.

He guided the hand he didn't let go and guided it to his lips, placing a kiss on your palm. You could't stop your own lips from turning upwards. He was so sweet and smooth you couldn't resist him.

"It's Saturday- well, technically Sunday. We can sleep all we want after we finish these precious doughnuts, sweetheart"

His free hand took yours again like they just were ment to be together (they did, from his point of view). After another kiss on your palm, you returned to your work.

The night/morning passed with you two cooking while being in love - stealing kisses, giving little love bites and stain the other with flour.

(Maybe you could make these early morning baking sessions a rutine.)

[internetgiraffekid1673]

Okay, yes this is an indication that Melody needs help, but not in the way you might expect! I'm going to use this as a jumping-off point to talk about Sparrow now, sorry lol.

Sparrow is like, the mathematical inverse of a fair-weather friend: He's the damn bartender. Everyone he hangs out with tends to be at a crushingly low point in their life, which is why they're willing to tolerate Sparrow's company. And in turn, he mostly just lets these people rant about their problems, makes them feel better about themselves by being kind of a scumbag, and provides. . .if not good advice, he at least tends to give them a sanity check.

The second you're not at absolute rock-bottom though? All bets are off. That dude is leaving you and your emotional train-wreck to the people who are actually your friends. He'll stab you in the back the second he thinks it won't irreversibly damage your psyche. He's not looking to be your therapist, he's just the guy who tells you to go to therapy. Sparrow would be a great drinking buddy and a horrible gambling partner.

So the fact that Melody's willingly hanging out with Sparrow indicates to me that she's in emotional crisis and needs to vent to the bartender friend until she feels better and/or he says something that reminds her he's a slimeball.

bunny's diary has a part in it where the students essentially throw a sadie hawkins dance. the girls asking out the guys. it's cute and sweet and there's a part where bunny panics because someone asked out alistair before she does and cupid arrives to help her dry her tears and get her confidence back to ask alistair out and he says yes. but i can't help but stare at one line where it says that melody asked SPARROW out of all people to be her date?! like what the hell. i know there's like six guys at ever after and there's not a lot of choices but surely there's the option of doing literally anything else. girl blink twice if you need help

[vettelsvee]

COME WHAT MAY | Sebastian Vettel ✩₊˚.⋆ PROLOGUE: A PHONE CALL AND A NEW BEGINNING [PREVIOUS PART] [NEXT PART]

come what may masterlist | formula 1 masterlist

Red Bull Sebastian Vettel x Red Bull intern & Webber girlfriend!Reader

SUMMARY: Sebastian breaks up with Hanna and Y/N, his best friend, offers him to go to her hometown to try disconnect from everything. However, things take a turn for the worst when Mark Webber, Seb's teammate and Y/N's boyfriend, calls her and starts thinking she's cheating on him with Vettel.

WORD COUNT: 7337

WARNINGS: Angst, curse words and bad language, such a toxic Mark Webber, mentions of death, cancer and suicide

TAGLIST: @hc-dutch @raavadakedavra @coffeedestroyingperson @evey-kuznetskova @bowielovesyou @chaoswithus @isotopemylove @iceman-kazansky @residentdemonhunter @astronomyandfrogs @herdetectivetheorist @prttylight @i-love-sirius-black7 @dreamauri @03071987 [feel free to join the taglist!]

VEE'S NOTES: I absolutely adored writing this, so I hope you like it reading too! If so, feel free to comment me your thoughts, as well as rebloging it since I'd appreciate that a lot! Thank you so much for reading in advance <3 ↳ MAKE YOUR REQUESTS | TALK TO ME! | FORMULA 1 MASTERLIST

© VETTELSVEE (2025). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!

Linz, Austria January 15th, 2010

"Sometimes I wonder if, besides whether I deserve everything I've achieved, I'm actually doing good enough to keep it. I mean... do I deserve my position at Red Bull, or are they just keeping me because Seb was the one who got me in, and now I'm also Mark's girlfriend? And about that last part... am I really what my boyfriend deserves, or, like dad says, is it just a passing fling of a few months where I only want to sleep with him as some sort of stress relief? Seb says that, as long as Mark makes me happy, that's what matters, but... does Mark really make me happy? Or is it..."

"I'll open the door, Dad!"

Louisa's voice snapped you back to reality.

Carefully, you put away the journal he had given you for your twenty-first birthday, which had served as your therapy ever since, in the nightstand drawer. Then, you jumped out of bed with an energy you hadn’t felt in a long time and cheerfully walked over to your desk. You carefully moved aside the scattered notes you still hadn’t put away despite the semester ending two weeks ago and made sure everything looked as presentable as possible. Your straightened hair fell over your shoulders, though your bangs needed a little fixing, nothing you couldn’t adjust with your fingers. You also applied some lip balm, more to add a bit of shine than to keep your lips hydrated. Lastly, you adjusted your clothes as best as you could, trying to relax as much as possible and, most importantly, remind yourself that he would be more than happy to see you, no matter how you looked.  

You knew that Sebastian Vettel was just your best friend, but in some way, you always tried to appear as perfect as possible before him to show you were worthy of his friendship.  

You knew that, no matter how much Sebastian had cherished you since you both met in 2008, when you joined Toro Rosso as an intern while he was already a driver, he was better than you in every way.  

The door suddenly opened, pulling you out of your thoughts and revealing your two younger sisters peeking through the gap.  

“Why are you taking so long?” Amelie, 15, inquired. “It’s not like your boyfriend just arrived…”

“Yeah, yeah! Why are you getting all pretty?” The youngest, Louisa, 8, chimed in. “Seb is already downstairs waiting for you. He’s talking to dad and uncle Hans about football, and I’m so bored…”

“Shut up you idiot,” Amelie responded, giving her a light shoulder tap. “Don’t listen to her,” she turned to you. “What they’re actually doing is grilling Sebastian about why he’s here today and, more importantly, why he’s staying with us for a few days.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. As far as you could remember, Seb hadn’t mentioned anything about staying over.  

“What do you mean, staying with us? Seb said that?”

“Uncle Hans thinks he’s just a friend, but dad believes you’re sleeping with him while also sleeping with Mark,” Amelie retorted.  

“How the hell would I be sleeping with Seb?!” you shouted, making your sisters step inside the room and slamming the door shut. “That’s… ridiculous, that’s what it is,” you added, trying your best not to curse.  

“But if dad says it, it must be true, Didi,” Louisa replied, a bit annoyed. “You know dad never lies to us.”

“Listen to me, both of you,” you cut them off. “I need you to behave and promise me something.”

Amelie and Louisa exchanged curious glances before looking back at you.  

“I don’t want you to mention Mark in front of Seb. No jokes, no side comments about how much you dislike him… nothing. Got it?”  

“Why can’t I tell Seb I don’t like Mark if it’s the truth? Do I have to lie to him?” Louisa asked with her characteristic innocence. “I like Seb a lot, and I don’t want to lie to him…”

“Because…”

“If you’re hesitating that much it must be because you really are sleeping with Seb.”

“Amelie, shut it! Lou’s here!” you scolded, glancing at Louisa.  

“What does sleeping with mean? Does it mean you’re dating?” Louisa asked, looking at you one again with a mix of curiosity and doubt.

“Seb doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore, okay?”

Your statement left your younger sisters stunned. Louisa had liked Hanna quite a bit, and she had always been nice to her whenever they met. Amelie, on the other hand, even though she had liked the German woman, started wondering why that same German, who had seemed so in love with his girlfriend, had suddenly broken up with her.  

“Seb isn’t with Hanna anymore?”

You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself and give them a convincing answer, even though you didn’t have one herself.  

“Yeah, Seb isn’t with Hanna anymore,” you replied as calmly as possible. “Don’t ask why because he didn’t give me many details other than, well… that he needed a break.”

“Does Mark know about this not-so-surprise visit?” Amelie asked, crossing her arms.  

Your heart skipped a beat. If there was one thing you hated about your middle sister, it was how nosy she was for a 15-year-old. If she was like this now, you didn’t even want to imagine what she’d be like in a few years.  

“Not everything revolves around Mark, Ame,” you brushed off the question because you didn’t know how to answer that no, your boyfriend had no idea about this visit, which you were more than thrilled about. “Seb is my best friend, and he’s going through a lot. And do you know what good friends do in bad times? They’re there for each other.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say…” Amelie replied, unconvinced.  

Louisa, who was about to say how happy she was that Vettel was there with them and how much she preferred him over Webber as your boyfriend, was interrupted by their father’s deep voice calling from downstairs:  

“Y/N Y/L/N, get down here! Your guest is tired of waiting!”

You quickly checked your reflection one last time, grabbed your phone, and, before opening the door, turned to your sisters with a stern look:  

“You two,” you pointed at them, “no jokes today. Not a word about Mark or anything related to him.”

The youngest nodded enthusiastically, bouncing slightly as she headed for the stairs. Amelie, however, simply shrugged and smirked mischievously.  

“I’ll think about it,” she said before following Lou down the stairs.  

“Amelie!” you hissed under your breath.  

“Fine, fine. I promise…”

Rolling your eyes, you made one final check to ensure you looked perfect before stepping out. Your heart pounded uncontrollably as you descended the stairs. You tried to push aside any thoughts that could make your reunion with Sebastian awkward, or let your nerves get the best of you.

However, everything seemed to go to hell the moment your eyes landed on the German.  

Sebastian was there, chatting animatedly with your aunt, Johanna, who was chopping vegetables. You were taken aback to see him with his sweater sleeves rolled up, still wearing his Red Bull beanie, as he carefully cut something.  

Afraid your friend might catch your staring, you quickly glanced at the dining table, where your father and uncle were still engrossed in the football discussion Lou had mentioned. Your sisters were at the other end of the living room, turning on the Wii console, likely to start a game of Mario Kart and try to get Seb to join them.  

You looked back at the driver the moment you heard him laugh, probably at something your aunt had said. He looked so natural, so comfortable, as if he truly belonged in your family. He hadn’t changed much since the last time you saw him, nearly three months ago, but you suddenly felt a strange sensation in your stomach, similar to the anxiety you got during exams, but for an entirely different reason.  

The more you observed him, the more you noticed how tired he looked. How… sad he seemed. And somehow, in a way you couldn’t quite explain, that made you feel absolutely awful.

Or perhaps you were beginning to admit what you had never acknowledged to yourself in order not to ruin the friendship you had always needed but never truly had.

“Ah, Y/N! Look who I put to work. He’s better than me at cutting onions. You should tell Seb to come visit us more often, so he can help me when your sisters don’t want to.”

Seb turned at the mention of his name. The smile he had missed so much appeared on his face the moment he saw you. Before you could say anything, he closed the small distance between you at an incredible speed and, without a word, embraced you.  

You remained still for a few seconds, surprised and unsure of what to do. The contact completely unsettled you, but as soon as he started stroking your hair, you relaxed and returned the hug, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist and pulling him closer.  

“You don’t even have an idea of how much I’ve missed you, Y/N,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your head.  

“I missed you too.” 

And you have no idea how much, you thought, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.  

Why did your entire being seem to change, becoming something so complicated and inexplicable, whenever he was near?  

If only he knew what that farewell at the last Grand Prix of the season had meant to you…  

When you pulled apart, the driver studied your face carefully. There was something about you that felt a bit unfamiliar… different. He couldn’t tell if it was your hair, a little shorter since the last time he saw you; the dark circles under your eyes, more pronounced than they should have been after three weeks of vacation before starting your final university semester; or the evident weight loss.  

“I really wanted to see you again,” he forced himself to say instead of asking what had happened to you to make you look so… different.  

You forced a small smile and lowered your gaze, embarrassed by not knowing what else to say. You had thought of telling him that he looked great, because, in your eyes, he always did, but decided against it, considering the reason he had come to visit.  

“So they put you to work, huh?” you finally said, gesturing toward your aunt, who was watching them while continuing to prepare dinner.  

“Not really. I volunteered,” Seb replied with a smile. Johanna was about to say something, but the young man interrupted her. “It’s the least I could do after you let me stay here for a few days.” 

You swallowed hard. You were more than happy to have your friend stay with your family for a few days, but… why couldn’t you remember anything about that conversation?  

“And let me tell you, he’s an excellent volunteer. If only Mark were more like…” 

“You don’t have to treat him like royalty, Johanna,” you cut off your aunt before she could say more. Seb blushed and started nervously playing with his hands. “He’s just…”

“Yes, I know, your friend,” the woman replied, apologizing to you with a glance. “But, as your friend, he is also our guest, and he deserves the best. Besides, he doesn’t complain about my excellent taste in music, unlike someone I know…” She added, glancing sideways at her husband.  

Seb chuckled, leaning against the kitchen counter without breaking eye contact with you.  

“At least it’s better than those weird songs Ricciardo used to play when we were at Toro Rosso. Do you remember when he got obsessed with playing Nessun Dorma before every race?”  

“Oh God, don’t remind me. I love classical music, but I still have nightmares about that.”

You both laughed at the memory of the year you met, when you had become each other’s biggest support. Everything had changed, perhaps too much, in those short two years, but what mattered most was that you still had each other, no matter what.  

At least, for now.

You tried to step a little closer to Sebastian, but the sound of your father dragging his chair and moving toward you made you step back shyly.  

“Well then… what’s the plan, Vettel? Are you staying here for a few days?”

Seb nodded nervously at Bernhard’s question. Even though he knew your father well and had met him countless times, he always felt nervous whenever they shared the same space, especially when they had a conversation.  

“Well… yes. If that’s okay with you, of course,” he quickly added, stepping closer to the older man. “I needed to get away from Switzerland for a bit, and even more from Heppenheim… to clear my head. And, to be honest, there’s no one else I’d rather spend this time with.”

His gaze shifted to you, who were trying to process his words. You kept glancing nervously between Bernhard and Sebastian, afraid one of them might say something inappropriate.  

“Of course, kid,” your father finally answered, giving Seb a pat on the back. “You know you’re more than welcome here. Hell, I should pay you extra for taking such good care of my little girl when you’re away!”

“Dad…”  

“I do it gladly, Bernhard. I’ve already told her, but in case she’s forgotten, let me say it again: I love spending time with Y/N.”

You lowered her gaze, embarrassed by all the attention you were receiving, and especially by the scene unfolding before you. You didn’t need to look up to know that Seb had his eyes on her, just like your father. You also knew that your aunt was probably muttering some comparison between your best friend and your boyfriend, and that your uncle would soon join in.  

Sebastian took a chance and, while continuing to talk with Bernhard who, due to his worsening health, had quickly taken a seat on one of the dining island stools, wrapped an arm around your shoulder.  

To their surprise, no one objected.  

“Uh… Dad?” you spoke up, your voice small and hesitant as you carefully removed Seb’s arm and leaned over the kitchen island.  

“Something wrong?”

“Would you mind if… if Seb and I went for a walk?” You asked timidly. “And would it be okay if we had dinner out?” You added, this time addressing your aunt.  

Johanna set down what she was doing and turned to you. She narrowed her eyes slightly, inspecting the pair of friends. Then, she placed the knife on the cutting board and turned to you with a smile.  

“Why are you asking me? You’re twenty-one, almost twenty-two, sweetheart,” she answered, now turning to Bernhard, who agreed with his sister-in-law. “You don’t need our permission to go out, Y/N.”

You opened her mouth to respond but immediately closed it again. Your cheeks turned a deep shade of red, standing out even more against your now pale skin. You stared straight ahead, absentmindedly playing with the hem of your sweater to avoid saying anything inappropriate again.  

To hide the fact that your insecurity and discomfort had, in some way, worsened since certain events with a certain person.  

“I think Y/N just wanted to check in case you were making extra food for dinner, Johanna,” Seb intervened. You met his gaze, silently thanking him for stepping in. “But if you’re worried about anything,” or Y/N, he thought to himself, “I promise to bring her back at a reasonable hour, safe and happy.”

Johanna raised an eyebrow. Meanwhile, Hans and Bernhard exchanged knowing looks, probably misinterpreting the German’s words, as they suddenly started chuckling.  

“Don’t even think about setting a curfew for my girl, Vettel. You’re a Formula 1 driver, and my daughter is six months away from graduating university. You’re both adults, for God’s sake!” Bernhard laughed, trying to keep a straight face.  

“We just don’t want you getting into trouble,” your uncle added. “I’m a lawyer, but I wouldn’t want you two as clients, especially not for free.”

Sebastian widened his eyes, unsure how to take the comment. You, on the other hand, just tried not to die of embarrassment, silently praying that the German was taking everything in stride.  

“Not to doubt you two, but, you know… trust is a dangerous thing.”

You can say that again, you thought, remembering the man twelve years older than you who, during your entire winter break, had barely reached out more than twice with phone calls that didn’t even last five minutes.

"Well, I think it's best if we start heading out," Seb commented as he grabbed his jacket from the back of a chair. "Come on, Y/N," he said, taking your hand while waving goodbye to your family with the other. "We won't be late, I swear!"

Your sisters said their reluctant goodbyes, thinking the German was going to play with them. Meanwhile, Hans and Bernhard started making bets about what would really happen between the two of you that night.

Johanna was the only one who walked you to the door, carefully adjusting your coats, scarves, and hats as if she was your mother.

"Have fun, you two, you deserve it. And you, Seb, don't think you’re getting out of helping me tomorrow. You still have to teach me that lemon cake recipe you always say your mother makes."

"Don’t worry, Johanna," Seb replied while holding the door open for you. "I’m saving my morning for you and your cooking sessions."

The woman smiled, delighted to have the German around, and said goodbye to you once more.

As soon as you stepped outside, the cool night air hit your faces. You took a moment to inhale and exhale, relaxing and feeling, for the first time in a long while, free. More than anything, you felt like yourself. Seb walked beside you, unable to stop smiling, grateful to be in his best friend’s hometown, with you by his side, helping him get through the rough patch caused by his breakup with Hanna.

"Do you always blush that much around your family, or is it just when you have company?" Seb asked after a while, nudging you playfully with his shoulder while keeping his hands in his pockets.

"Don't start with that, Seb! You know I can be a little shy sometimes..."

"It's okay, I already knew that," he interrupted. "I think it's really cute when you blush."

"Sometimes you're unbearable, you know that?" you shot back, playfully.

"I know, but you love me anyway."

It wasn't a question, but a statement. One you couldn’t argue with because she completely agreed.

And that, more than comforting you, made you worry more and more about your relationship.

Despite the recent snowfall, the streets of Linz were busier than you had expected. The ice-skating rinks were packed, and to your surprise, the winter market stalls, forming a kind of fair that attracted people of all ages almost daily and which you loved visiting, were overflowing with people.

Although taking Seb there had been your original plan for his first day, you had decided to do something more intimate with him instead, something you hadn’t done in a long time, not even with Mark. However, you knew your relationship with the German was special enough to share something so personal with him without regretting it afterward.

"Since this is the first time you’ve come to visit me, I’ve put together a little tour so you can really get to know my city," you explained, looking at him. "That way, when you leave, you’ll know Linz as well as I do. And maybe, if one day you bring someone here..."

"You’re going to show me what tourists don’t usually get to see, aren’t you?" he interrupted. "I mean… promise me you’ll show me every last little corner, even the ones way out on the city outskirts. That could really come in handy someday."

"No problem. I’ll show you everything you want," you replied, flashing him a proud smile.

He laughed at your comment. Taking his hands out of his pockets, he awkwardly brushed his right hand against your left one. You blushed and tried to move it away, but Seb didn’t let you, he ended up taking your hand, not caring that you were just friends and that you had a boyfriend.

Because you were just that, friends. No matter how much he wanted it, he could never, in his life, date someone like you. Because while Mark was already a man with a clear path and a well-established career, he was just a twenty-something still learning from every mistake he made.

With your hands still intertwined, Sebastian’s gaze roamed the streets, the people, and the buildings surrounding them.

"This place is beautiful, and peaceful in its own way despite the bustle. I can see why you love it so much..."

You nodded, feeling your heartbeat speed up. Linz wasn’t the best city in the world, nor did it hold many good memories for you since your mother’s suicide and your sudden move to Spain. But, at the end of the day, it was your home, and hearing him appreciate it meant more to you than you could ever admit.

You walked in comfortable silence for a while, stopping every so often so you could point out your old school, your university, and even your favorite café, the one you used to go to when studying at your aunt and uncle’s house became too chaotic.

However, just as you were nearing the place you wanted to take Seb, he broke the silence with a question that, while not entirely unexpected, was the last thing she thought he would ask.

"How are things with Mark?"

The casual question made you slow your pace slightly before quickly recovering and catching up with Sebastian.

"They’re… fine," you said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "You know, the usual. He’s in London, I’m here, we call each other..."

Don’t lie to him, Y/N.

"And does that make you happy?"

"Yes, of course."

You wanted to tell Seb the truth, but you couldn’t.

This time, he was the one who needed support, not to listen to complaints and tears about a relationship with a questionable age gap and an even more questionable dynamic.

"And how are you doing after everything with Hanna?" you asked, changing the subject and hoping you hadn’t overstepped. "Ever since you called to tell me what happened, I’ve been worried, but I didn’t want to push..."

Seb’s expression darkened slightly. He let out a sigh that you were sure he had been holding in longer than he would’ve liked, staring straight ahead as you walked.

"We’re okay. I’m okay," he corrected himself. "Nothing weird happened or anything, it’s just that…" he trailed off, possibly choosing his words carefully before continuing. "We ended things amicably, you know? No hard feelings, no fights, nothing like that."

"Well, I’m glad to hear that," you replied, choosing your words carefully as well. "It caught me completely off guard because… I don’t know, it seemed like everything was fine. You two were together for three years…"

"Yeah, three pretty good years, but I think we realized we were only staying together because we were comfortable, because it was our routine, not because we actually loved each other." He paused, looking at you. "She never said it, and neither did I, but I get the feeling we wanted completely different things in life, and that was hurting us, even if we didn’t mean to."

"And that makes it even harder..."

"Exactly," he admitted, giving you a bittersweet smile. "But I feel like it was the right decision for both of us. It’s just that… making such a risky choice after thinking about it for so long, and wanting to do the right thing, is tough. Honestly, right now, being alone again is really difficult, but I guess it’s just a matter of time before I get used to it."

You didn’t know what to say, and you had no clue what deeper meaning lay behind Sebastian’s words.

"You won’t be alone, Seb," you managed to say, trying not to get nervous. "You have me."

He looked at you, his body relaxing slightly as your steps fell back into rhythm.

"I know. And, even if you don’t believe it, that means much more to me than you can imagine."

For a moment, nothing and no one else existed, just you. You stared at each other, lost in each other’s eyes, as thoughts raced through your minds. Thoughts that, if spoken aloud, would haunt them for the rest of your lives, shattering everything you knew and had between you.

It wasn’t until you cleared your throat and quickened your pace that the moment broke.

"Come on, we’re almost there. I have a reservation at seven, and I don’t want us to be late."

"Wherever you say, my dear tour guide," Seb replied.

After walking for a few more minutes, you stopped in front of a restaurant tucked away in a small alley. Sonnengarten, garden of the sun in German, was written at the top of the façade, painted in a warm yellow color. Along with the soft lights illuminating it directly and the hanging flower baskets, it invited people to step inside. The instrumental music playing, what seemed to be rock from the '60s and '70s, was the cherry on top.  

“Well, here we are,” you said, visibly excited as she entered the restaurant.  

Seb watched you, noticing the special sparkle in your eyes.  

“Thanks for bringing me here. It’s obvious this place means a lot to you.”  

“It does,” you nodded, a small smile on your lips. “My mother used to bring us here every weekend. We always switched up our orders because, well, we loved, and still love, trying new things, but my dad always ordered a schnitzel,” you explained with excitement. That only made Seb feel even more grateful that you had brought him to such a special place. “My sisters and I would always try to convince him to try something different and share some of our food, but he always refused and made up some silly excuse.”  

“So, this is like… a sacred place for you, right?”  

“Yes, very much so. But since my mom passed away, we haven’t come back. Actually, this is the first time in years that I’ve come here to eat…”  

Your statement made Seb’s chest tighten. He knew how Rosalie, your mother, had died nearly eight years ago. He was fully aware of the impact it had on your life, which was precisely why he was more than grateful that you were sharing this detail, this part of your life, this seemingly important family tradition, with him.  

His friend. His best friend.  

“Really, Y/N, thank you for bringing me here,” the driver said sincerely.  

Before you could respond, a middle-aged man appeared in front of you. He quickly approached you and hugged you, a gesture you gladly accepted.  

“My dear Miss Y/L/N! It’s been so long, little one! You finally decided to come eat here again… it was about time!”  

“I’m really happy to be back as a customer, Matthias,” you replied kindly.  

The man’s eyes shifted to Sebastian, whom he openly scanned from head to toe. Once he recognized him, his eyes widened. After all, it was widely known in the city that Y/N Y/L/N was not only an intern for one of the most successful Formula 1 teams of the past year but also lucky enough to be working with one of the sport’s rising stars.  

“Well, well, Sebastian Vettel!” the man exclaimed excitedly, offering his hand to the German, who shook it with a smile. “Are you two dating?” he asked curiously.  

“No, no! He’s just a good friend of mine,” you said quickly, avoiding Seb’s gaze. “My… boyfriend,” you managed to say, barely containing youR embarrassment, “is the other Red Bull driver, Mark Webber.”  

“Oh, well, no problem!” Matthias laughed heartily, giving Seb a friendly pat on the shoulder. “Any friend of our Y/N is a friend of ours. Now, come on, I’ll take you to the Y/L/N family table. I’ve been reserving it since Y/N told me she was coming.”  

Sebastian observed you as the waiter led you to a table in a corner by a large window. You simply shrugged and smiled, feeling proud to see how happy and, most importantly, how at ease the boy seemed.  

You couldn’t help but feel a little nervous and special at the same time when, before you could sit down, Seb pulled out the chair for you and pushed it in gently once you were seated.  

“Well, Miss Y/L/N, I’ll be back in a bit with the dishes I know are your favorites. Enjoy your evening.”  

The waiter winked at you and, once he was far enough away, you buried your face in your hands, utterly embarrassed by the scene you had just lived through.  

“Oh god… I can’t believe he thought we were together,” you murmured. “Everyone here knows I’m with Mark…”  

“Well, maybe they think we’d make a good couple.”  

Seb laughed at his own comment, and you shot him a death glare, though it didn’t last long as the corner of your lips curved into a smile.  

“Don’t start with that too.”  

“I’m just joking, Y/N,” Vettel said with a satisfied grin. “Besides, if people think we’re together and we get, I don’t know, good tables like this one,” he pointed at their spot, “and free pastries like the ones the bakery lady gave me near your house today, I wouldn’t mind pretending we’re a couple.”  

You rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop the flicker of warmth that bloomed inside you as you imagined a hypothetical situation where you and Seb were together, where you shared more than just friendship.  

“Well, I think it’s time we have a slightly more serious conversation, so no boyfriends, exes, or fake relationships,” you said as you leaned forward, resting your elbows on the table. “What’s the plan for this year? Do you think you can win the championship?”  

“That’s the goal, my dear," he chuckled, pouring himself a glass of water and taking a sip. “For now, I think the car is good, and we have a strong team, but you know how things can go…”  

“The important thing is that you have what it takes, Seb: talent and ambition.”  

He smiled, a little shy at your compliment, and adjusted himself in his seat.  

“So, you better be ready to put up with me every time you win,” you continued playfully.  

“Only if you ditch Mark so we can celebrate properly.”  

Sebastian immediately realized he might have messed up with that comment.  

You, instead of responding, did your best to force a smile and act like you hadn’t heard what the German had just said.  

“By the way…” the driver spoke carefully, knowing he might be treading on dangerous ground. “When are we going to plan something? I came here, but you know… plans like we used to make when we were at Toro Rosso and before you started dating Mark…”  

You didn’t know what to say. You hesitated before answering, thinking about how things had changed since you were single and he was in a relationship with Hanna, who had always been wonderful to you and never minded Sebastian and you hanging out together. She had even tagged along on some of their outings, something that made you feel terribly guilty but, at the same time, too bad to refuse given how kind both of them were to you.  

“I don’t know, Seb. Things are… complicated, different… It’s nothing you don’t already know.”  

It’s obvious there are things Seb doesn’t know. Don’t fool yourself.  

“Well, we’ll come up with something,” he replied, trying to believe his own words. “We could go out after a race, grab something to eat… Or, I don’t know, during the summer break I could take you to the karting track where I used to go as a kid and see Michael…”  

You couldn’t keep listening because it hurt. The idea of doing such personal and meaningful things with Sebastian was difficult to process, especially considering you were dating Mark, and no matter how much you tried to talk to him about it, he wouldn’t take it well. You didn’t deserve that kind of attention, even though it was the only way someone had ever shown her… affection, love, or any of its variations. Mark had barely paid you any attention since you started dating, something you had noticed in other couples but had never experienced yourself.  

Seb kept talking, but the sound of your phone ringing, a childish melody set by his sister Louisa, snapped you back to reality.  

Your heart clenched when you saw Mark’s name on the screen.  

Your stomach twisted, anxiety creeping in, the weight of everything you hadn’t told anyone, not even Seb, suddenly pressing down on you again, returning in full force as if it had never left, not even when Webber seemed to have forgotten about you.  

“Are you going to answer?” Seb asked, tilting his head slightly as he noticed how doubtful you were.

You didn't move. You couldn't. You weren't ready to face a call from your boyfriend after weeks of not hearing from him, especially not in the situation you were in.

And even less so considering who you were spending time with at that moment, and how stubborn Mark had been about your relationship with Sebastian ever since you started dating, even knowing that you were, in reality, just very good friends.

“It’s just… It’s Mark,” was all you could whisper.

“And are you just going to let it ring? Come on, Y/N, he’s your boyfriend. It’s not like he’s going to kill you if you answer.”

“I’ll call him when we get home,” you swallowed hard, feeling your hands starting to sweat.

“Y/N,” Seb said, sounding more authoritative than he would have liked. “It’s just a call. What’s the worst that could happen?”

If only you knew...

“Come on, Y/N, pick it up. If he's calling, it must be important.”

Your fingers trembled slightly until you finally decided to press the answer button.

You forced a smile, even though the only thing you wanted to do at that moment was cry and tell Sebastian the whole truth. Instead, you put the phone to your ear and answered, trying your best to keep your voice steady.

“Hello, Mark…”

“Damn, it’s about time you answered. Do you mind telling me where you are? I’ve been trying to reach you for days and days, and you’ve just ignored me.”

It’s a lie, Y/N. He hasn’t called. He’s manipulating you because, once again, he’s forgotten about you...

“I’m out,” you replied, controlling everything you said while looking at Seb, who had started talking with Matthias. “I’m having dinner.”

“And who exactly are you with?” Mark asked disparagingly, totally suspicious of you.

You gripped the phone tightly and opened your mouth to respond with the first excuse that came to your mind. But before you could, Matthias started talking too loudly with your companion:

“You’re such a gentleman with our Y/N, Sebastian! Are you sure you’re just friends?”

“Just friends, Matthias, really,” Seb replied cheerfully, although alert to you, who seemed terrified.

“Sebastian? What exact Sebastian, Y/N?”

Your blood ran cold when you heard the aggressive tone Mark was using on the other end of the phone.

“Mark, it’s not what you think…”

“Who the fuck are you with, Y/N?” Mark exploded. Even Sebastian and Matthias, who were still talking, seemed to hear the yelling coming from the phone. “Are you with Sebastian Vettel? Is it the Sebastian Vettel I’m imagining?”

“Mark, please, let me explain…”

“Explain what?” the Australian's voice started getting louder and angrier. “That you went out to dinner with him as if that was the most normal thing in the world?”

Seb, noticing the sudden change in you, both in your mood and body language, became alert. He turned his attention back to the waiter, this time giving an excuse after he placed all the plates on their table so that he could leave and give you some privacy.

Your tense posture and the fact that you became so silent, just listening to what his teammate was saying on the other side of the line, didn’t go unnoticed by him, and he knew there was more between them than what his friend wanted him to know.

“Take good care of her, Sebastian. Y/N deserves the best.”

Seb smiled kindly at Matthias’s words, and his eyes followed him until he was far enough away. His eyes then returned to you.

Something wasn’t right, and it was creating a feeling of internal rage in Seb that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Mark, I’ll call you when I get home, okay? I don’t want…”

“So you’re with him, right?” the Australian spat, not letting her finish. “Sebastian Vettel... Out of all the damn people you could be with, you’re with him…”

“Mark, please… Let me explain…” You started, your words already bordering on pleading.

“Think about the kind of girlfriend you are, Y/N,” his voice, though calm now, you knew he was about to start throwing poisoned darts that would torment you in the weeks to come. “While I’m busting my ass working, training, doing everything I can to move the damn team forward, you’re out there with the guy you claim is your best friend, going on dates. How would you feel if it were the other way around, Y/N?”

“It’s not what you think,” you whispered, unable to control the tremor in your voice.

“Oh really? Then what is it? Because to me, it looks like you're acting with another man the way you should be acting with your boyfriend. How do you think that makes me feel, huh?”

Don’t believe his words, Y/N... He’s trying to convince himself that it’s your fault just because he’s ignored you for almost a month...

“Mark, he’s my best friend, and you’ve known that since before we started dating. I haven’t hidden it from you, just like I’m not hiding anything from you now.”

Sebastian, paying close attention to every word from you, felt his heart drop at what you had said, especially the tone you used.

You mattered to Sebastian, just as he mattered to you.

“I wouldn’t take a girl to the city I grew up in if she was just my best friend, leaving my girlfriend feeling like second best, but hey, to each their own…”

You sighed, unable to stop looking at Seb, hurt by the words Mark had just said, even though you convinced yourself, despite knowing you were lying to yourself, that the Australian cared about you enough to consider you a girlfriend.

Oh my God, Y/N, you haven’t even met his parents yet…

“You’re being unfair,” was all you could say.

“No, if anyone’s being unfair here, it’s you, Y/N,” replied Mark. “You’re selfish, and you think of no one but yourself.”

“I don’t want to keep talking about this, Mark…”

“Of course you don’t. Because you don’t want Seb to know what you’re really like,” Webber said harshly. “Maybe I should tell him myself. Do you think he’d believe me? Would he still want a bitch like you if he knew the real you?”

Your stomach dropped at what Mark had just said. You didn’t know what to say; you didn’t know how to contradict him because you knew it was impossible to make him think otherwise.

The worst part? Sebastian’s face went completely pale, which made you worry even more about what your friend might now think of you.

Without saying anything else, and while you still faintly heard the Australian’s reproaches, you ended the call, throwing the phone harshly on the table and unable to control your hands, which were shaking more and more.

“Y/N…” Seb spoke, unsure of how to approach the conversation he wanted to have with you about what had just happened.

“It’s... It doesn’t matter,” you corrected yourself. The last thing you wanted was for that heated conversation you had had with Mark to ruin your time with Seb, especially your stay with the German. “Let’s eat and let everything else rest, okay? I’ve been planning this for weeks, and I don’t want to ruin it because of a conversation that never should have happened.”

Seb didn’t seem entirely convinced by your words, and even less by your attitude. He knew you were broken inside at that moment, and nothing hurt him more than knowing he didn’t know how to help you.

“Y/N, if something’s wrong... you can tell me. You know that, right?”

You tried to force a smile again, but it was impossible. Instead, tears began to fall from your eyes, and no matter how hard you tried to control them, you couldn’t.

“It’s okay, Seb, it’s nothing. I swear.”

Lie to yourself if you want, but don’t lie to him.

“Really, Y/N... No matter what you need or when you need it, I’ll be here... You’re not alone, Y/N, okay? Come what may.”

You looked at your hands, now in Seb’s. His thumb was calmly rubbing over them, something Seb knew perfectly well relaxed you when you had anxiety, like now, when you felt on the edge of a panic attack; or at least, that’s what the constant feeling of suffocation you couldn’t shake off told you, no matter how hard you tried to control your breathing and especially promise yourself that everything would be fine.

Don’t be so dramatic, Y/N, Mark’s voice echoed in your head in such a scene, making you pull your hands from the table and hide them beneath it, embarrassed.

Sebastian sighed, knowing he wouldn’t stop trying to help you, no matter how reluctant you were. If you wanted to end the contact, so be it, but that didn’t mean he’d stop trying to make sure you were okay.

“I mean it, Y/N,” the guy insisted. “Whatever it is you’re going through, you don’t have to do it alone. You’re my best friend, and best friends are there to support each other. Just like you’re doing now, with me, with Hanna,” he added.

You looked up at him again, and your chest tightened. How could he be so noble with you? How was he able to say the words you needed to hear at every moment? With Mark, you felt small, as if you didn’t matter at all, but Seb... he made you feel like a princess straight out of a fairy tale, whose ending was still to be written.

“Thank you, Seb,” you murmured, unable to take your eyes off those blue eyes that so relaxed you. “For… everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. That’s what friends are for.”

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe that, unlike your boyfriend, if you even were, or ever had been, someone could care about you. You didn’t want to give your best friend false hopes, but the way he treated you, how it seemed like he cared...

Why did Seb make you feel like the most special person in the world when the person who was supposed to care about you the most didn’t even bother to try?

Sebastian Vettel knew you like the back of his hand, and that was exactly what scared you the most.

[twistedpink]

Who’s your valentine? @/cafekitsune banner

And the spinner says…

Malleus + complicated + coparenting (modern!au, ~1000 words)

You never thought you’d stoop to this level- the dignified manager of a strip mall Spellphora reduced to this. Crying your eyes out to a telenovela with bad subtitles and an even worse plot. Totally freaking alone on valentines day. It’s your own fault, really. Maybe it’s all the karmic debt you’ve accumulated for working in a chain, or, maybe you need to manifest Malleus Draconia getting hit by a hoverboard harder! Bring on the subliminals, baby!!

That scandalously pretty (and formal in the same way a middle schooler with a briefcase is) Wand Topic goth held your teenage servicing heart and crushed it between his glossy acrylics.

You’re taking it back,, The hangouts, the free samples, and active use of your fucking email for anything but work! It’s all going in your flippy top Kuromi trash can (curtesy of he who shall not be named), and out of your stupid head!

Your notes app is full of amateur poetry and movie recommendations that you would never watch by yourself, because they’re all dumb and you hate it. You hate the whole five pages! But he made them good in the moment. With his cheating fairy makeup magic and inappropriately expensive earrings- he could make anything sound good. Why are all your situationships so profoundly dramatic and sad? Has no one heard of the casual fling to fifty year marriage pipeline??

At this point you wish he hexed you, then your insurance would fund some old fashioned retail therapy, but on your fourth Valentine’s Day alone it hits you. Maybe your shitty ex wasn’t that shitty. God, maybe he was right! All those burnt vapes gave him the clairvoyance to yell a prophecy at your kiosk before he stormed off with a barely safe amount of clearance lipgloss-

“You’re the problem”. (Subtracting the colourful language, obvi) And the only respite for your five month celibacy streak is the freezer burnt ice cream you’re shoving down your sorry gullet,, It’s not like it matters! If you get your way, he’ll never show his face again. As anyone in your position would, you sigh melodramatically into your teeny-tiny living room.

it feels so good that you dare doing it again, despite your uppity next door neighbours.

And the third one (which was going to be the best!) is cut off by a clunky knock at your storm door- it’s way too rainy to get mugged by the knee knocking cartel, but you open it anyways on the off chance Amazon has a gift for you. You cross your fingers for a hunky delivery man, ready to whisk you away from Netflix and mope!

But it’s not, because it just so happens goths are historically terrible at not moping- You look the soaking wet, insufferably sexy Malleus Draconia top to bottom in feigned judgement. From the tip of his embroidered Nurse Martens to the peak of his ebony horns catching rain like a Soda bottle to condensation, and back down to his hands cradling a travel crate like his life depends on it.

Damn, you’d still let him hit no matter what Cater says about his “Victorian girdle”..

“If I may join your evening to share it’s warmth with Gao-Gao, he would be quite grateful.”

And because you’re an aching hearted freak for wittle wizards (totally not to resolve your aching loins) (or the satisfaction of putting that self Defense baseball bat in action), you welcome the guys in with hospitality that would make Snow White weep

“Uh.. Duh! Sure, whatever. I have fresh towels. You probably still know where they are, haha..”

He gives you a grateful nod when you step aside, and the way he unfurls to full height after hunching over his precious cargo is always monstrously hot. You send yourself scrambling for the space heater (still very much vibrating from the inside, with a little ice cream crusted on your lip), no matter how embarrassed you are, Gao-Gao does not deserve to die from the cold! Malleus told you once the gecko intends on going to Valhalla, and you insisted he’s owed it for being such a good boy! (you’re also inclined to agree with any man that has a ninety degree jawline)

Gao-Gao nuzzles against your pinkie affectionately when you put some powdered feed into his crate. He ate three days ago- and you know that because you’re his pet sitter. Holding onto the little guy was easy when Malleus was away- but on pickup when his little brother showed up he thanked you. Said that Malleus didn’t have any other friends, and you couldn’t just leave him to the “adult loneliness” wolves.. So you hung out with him for awhile, and he only got cuter. That’s where it exploded in your face.

It was never his fault. You just got a bad case of the feels- on a little work party when you got hammered, Malleus took the brunt of it. Cater cheered you on in your sexless, drunken rage so well that you just blocked the guy,, And you have no idea why he’s here now.

“So,,, what’s wrong? Why’d you show up?”

“I understand I was unable to text your phone, but we had scheduled a “hanging out”, and now we can resume watching cinema! Gao-Gao is very excited with the prospect.”

You let the silence linger- and not to be mean, either. You’re just marinating in your drunk stupidity. Poor Malleus has no clue what’s going on! His own phone goes out all the time, and it’s not like you canceled, or even officially quit.. This is the worst. Not even your last breakup (pretty bad), or telling Cater that he was demoted (he literally asked to step down. Still sucked) measures up. THIS is rock bottom.

But, you’re used to being on the bottom. From scraping your way out of college only to land some mall-cop ass job better suited to someone in their teens, and all those infamously bad guys you’ve groveled to. Only Malleus (sweet, old man in a young body Malleus) bothered to spend the time reteaching you that you deserve to be spoiled- you deserve friends, and fun, and so many more pet sitting gigs with pintrestable animals.

You’re worth it. Even if it’s complicated, even if you can’t have him the way you want right now, you’ve got the rest of your life to pull it off!

(And to unblock him. That’s probably a good idea.) So for tonight you’ll enjoy the temporary simplicity, and have an unforgettable time with your best friends.

“Yeah! Let’s totally watch some “cinema”, Mally. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Ah! A Happy Valentines to you as well!”

God this is scary!!!!!!!! I’ve never done an event before, so please leave some comments abt your feelings with it! Much love, thanks for reading <3

(My amazing beta reader @/Echosofmortality helped SO much with getting this published!)

[moonogre]

okay but how many more days am i meant to just heave myself through this bleak, exhausting horror

[shepscapades]

Hey! i’m really into the dbch story and i was wondering if doc and xisuma ever tell bdubs the specifics of why etho lost his memories, cause if they do that is prime self blaming angst for bdubs

I’m inclined to believe they don’t. Actually (and maybe I should do a small comic for this so more people see it) I imagine, once a month or a few pass and they finally return etho to bdubs as reset, I imagine they are VERY serious about warning bdubs not to try to force Etho to re-deviate— they don’t go into specifics, but they probably tell bdubs that whatever happened had to do with something that was emotionally overwhelming, and that forcing him to redeviate/not letting it happen naturally could trigger the same error. They have no idea what could happen so bdubs needs to be very careful and let Etho find himself again on his own.

Whether or not bdubs gets impatient or can only go so long before he doubts it would be that bad if he tried pushing Etho in the right direction is another story.

But yeah. I don’t think Xisuma or Doc really… tell anyone that this happened. Etho’s error seemed like a very specific one-off scenario, so it’s not something the other hermits should be trying to avoid or be careful about happening to their own android friends, and the only thing telling people would do is make them worried about the situation. All they need to know is that etho was broken and that they need to be careful with him. I don’t agree with their decision to keep what happened to themselves but I understand it I think. Xisuma “i don’t want to worry the hermits” Void and Docm “eh this isn’t the first time I’ve replaced this arm, people won’t question it” 77

[acesw]

The School System of SPDM

The School Primary Defense of Mankind is a private institution where every few years, they take in orphaned arcanists around the world to train them for the purpose of becoming members of the Foundation. Many of the graduates go into the military/investigative sector of the Foundation and a handful are assigned to offices, given positions in headquarters and in rare cases accepted by the political councils. There is also a chance to work at Laplace, but thus far, Mesmer Jr. is the only one who had been placed there because of her lineage.

Not much is known about how the school works, but I will be mapping out as much information as I can find about the school, and make sure its organized as possible.

Disclaimer: This is solely based on Chapter 3, Green Lake, and the characters we have thus far who were students at SPDM. The only graduates we have are Horropedia (oldest graduate), Sonetto, Mesmer Jr., Vertin, and Matilda (youngest graduate of the group). I'll be referring to them as the "Foundation Kids", since the name sounds fitting enough. There are going to be spoilers for Chapter 3 and the characters' stories, so tread carefully.

Additionally, I'm going to be rarely using images because I really do not want to go into the effort of making screenshots after screenshots right now.

So buckle up and get ready for a big wall of paragraphs and sentences.

Known Staff Roles of the School

Principal - The head that manages the affairs of the school and responsible for all the matters that happen within. The current principal as of chapter 3 is Richard. Instructors - Their main purpose is to teach students varying subjects, a few that can be named are biology, music, potions, and arcane history School Physician - The person that takes care of the overall health of the students. It can be assumed that there are two per semester, since Tooth Fairy in particular would only stay in the school as its physician for half a year. Janitors - Of course, people that clean up areas in the school, and they have the freedom to interact with the children. Some are referred to as uncles and aunts I'd assume. Monitor Assistants - Students or Student Graduates that choose to help monitor the students of the school as a means to train them for instructor roles. Matilda is the only known monitor assistant so far. Monitor Students - Students that are given the role to monitor their peers. There seems to be a head role given to the school's high-achieving students like Sonetto. They are changed routinely every day and can increase/decrease depending on the necessity.

Level System and Enrollment

Of course, a school would not exist without its level system. The SPDM has a curriculum in place that sections off the varying different age groups of the orphaned arcanists after taking them in. The average range of the arcanists they take in are between a few months to 4 years old at its possible max.

The youngest student that had arrived in the school is Vertin at 1 month old, while Matilda is the oldest known student that had willingly enrolled at around 6 to 7 years old. This means that enrolling at the school is possible if the arcanist family is known to the Foundation. (For our Foundation kids, Sonetto and Vertin are the only ones to have been adopted into the school, whereas the other three have family or at least a guardian prior to enrollment)

The age of which arcanists graduate from the school seem to vary, in which Vertin, Sonetto, Matilda, and Mesmer Jr. had graduated at 13-15 years old. Whereas Horropedia, claimed to have been "several grades above" the group when the breakaway incident had happened. He's estimated to have been 17 at the time of the incident, while the rest of the group were around 10-12. This makes the information conflicting at first glance.

But of course, figuring out this level system would be rather helpful. This would be considered as a K-10 or K-13 curriculum, and it seems that the students can be categorized by as "Academic Year # Semester #".

Nursery & Kindergarten (1-5 years) - Where new baby and orphaned arcanists who were taken in by the school are raised in the first few years at the school.

Early Stage (5-10 years) - Young arcanists start their academic journey in the school, where they learn about the world around them while being isolated from the outside. They also begin their physical/arcanum training as a means to strengthen them whilst their afflatus and arcane skills slowly develop and awaken over time.

Late Stage (10-12 years) - The age of which arcanists begin to awaken their arcane skill. They are given the materials and training to develop their arcane skills and are slowly introduced to the world around them, being shown the opportunities they could take based on their skillset and possibly being invited to explore the work environment. (Its also in this stage that the students have a change in uniform.)

Work Immersion & Graduation (12-15 years) - The arcanists will begin to do work immersion in the fields they choose to specialize in, to familiarize themselves in the environment and even make their placements in these fields early on. Eventually, they graduate and go into official work for their sectors within the Foundation.

Higher Education (15-18 years) - Student graduates who might choose to seek higher education as a means to train for more skilled positions in their line of work. This can give them more opportunities and guidance on their first few years of work.

Rules and Education

"May the peace be with us. May the peace be with mankind." The school's main pursuit for its students are some philosophers' exhortation: "Heritage, Honor, Rationality, Responsibility"

The education in SPDM is rigorous, and goes in depth about many of the topics at hand and also putting their students through difficult trainings to ensure that they are at their best physique and readied skills. They tend to be strict, and would have a consistent flow of tests to ensure every student studies well.

Their rules are also just as meticulous, wanting to make sure that their students' conscience and goals stay close to the ideologies of the school and the Foundation. Going from disallowing them from artistic/literary media that is "not advocated or approved by" the Foundation, treating outside attachments as "meaningless", and teaching students that they are meant to sacrifice themselves for the safety of mankind.

The school has a Student Handbook that goes through these rules and guidelines. The main idea and rule that the school imposes is to pay no heed to the world outside, as creating an attachment would only bring harm and regret. They are to focus on training themselves to serve their mission towards pursuing peace and order in the guidance of the Foundation until death, since all of the students are taught that they would die martyrs for the cause.

"To live is to lose things around us until the day we lose life itself to death. That's why we should only focus on the supreme missions." - Sonetto, Frogs and Toffee (3-2)

Some of these rules include the standard things (no skipping classes, no in-fighting) while also having rules such as no mass gatherings, conspiration against the school, acquiring and keeping contraband, leaving school grounds, etc. However, there are some liberties that are taken, such as having freedom with hairstyles, free use of arcane skills, etc.

Interestingly, one of the rules is that discussion about the "Storm" is forbidden. Its also forbidden to go out when its raining, and discouraged to discuss any incident that had occurred within the school.

There are routinely inspections that are carried out to make sure no rules are being broken, such as dorm checks and head counting. Monitor staff are also in place to ensure there is order among the students, and as mentioned previously, the school would have a head student monitor that would cooperate with the respective school monitor and monitor assistant. If strict supervision is required for any reason, the Foundation will step in and arrange to deploy their own units or Zeno recruits from the academy. (Like in the case of the Manus Vindictae's olitiaus having to be scouted out by Zeno recruits like Lilya)

Punishments

Punishments are of course, carried out based on the rule that is broken. Normally, these punishments wouldn't be so harsh (it just so happened our little troublemaker just actively likes to break major rules). The most normal of the punishments that have been given out so far is a timeout and confiscation of contraband. Of course, there is the more…extreme side.

With the little shit I mean Vertin having this tendency to break rules, one of the punishments we see her go through is isolation. There is a guardhouse in the school's campus where students who break major rules stay in it for a specific amount of time based on what rule is broken. The most merciful would be only a mention of the "Storm" (1 day with no food/water), the worst of it is mass gathering and what can be classified as rebellion (2 weeks with no food/water).

Campus

We currently have a complete map of the school thanks to chapter 3 and the manus. The school is walled off and has watchtowers to ensure that there are no outsiders (and of course, escapees). There seems to be air raid tunnels beneath the schools as well, why they were built in besides its main purpose is not known, but as we know it has been rarely used. In these air raid tunnels we find that there are also blast doors that border between the tunnels and the watchtowers.

There are no labels on where the guardhouses are, but they are of course meant to discipline the students. There are critters and tools at the kids' disposal, to mostly alleviate immediate problems. The guardhouse is checked regularly, and is cleaned up weekly. Though, some messages left behind by previous dwellers are left as is for the next to help guide them through.

George the Oak is a tree possibly situatied near the lake on the map, and is known to be a famous tree for the kids because of its age and its size. There, they can go in the tree hollow or even just sit under the giant leaves. Either way, it looks to be like a nice spot to go to for the students when they have free time. Sad it got cautioned off after the parade incident.

Employees from the Foundation headquarters have the freedom to enter the school campus and visit the facilities as they'd like, as we see with Constantine and Druvis meeting in the library, and Madam Z and Katz meeting in the sports field in chapter 4.

Lastly, the school is most likely situated next to the official headquarters building, and there is a town that is near the school since there was a time where Vertin and Sonetto went to watch an outsider parade from a distance.

Events

There are 3 important events for SPDM: The Annual Evaluation, Parade Ceremony, and the Graduation of Year 10 & Higher Education students.

The Annual Evaluation is where they evaluate the overall performance of their students, and rank them based on the evaluation. -Sonetto and Matilda had made it to the rankings prior to or during the 4th Year of the Storm. Sonetto made her way to rank 1, while Matilda had achieved rank 3.

The Annual Parade is to showcase the school's best image and boost morale, and with it, the school selects their best students to participate in a three-month intense training. Through this they would become the school's honor guard and represent the students in the best way possible. Before this, a pre-parade ceremony is held out to help practice and for the principal to send his regards/support to the students. -As again, one of the most outstanding students, Sonetto's "Parade Anthem" garment seems to be the honor guard uniform that she had been given, signaling that she was one of the chosen students for the training course.

And lastly, Graduation. Of course, the main focus here would be the year 10 students of SPDM; who officially become workers for the Foundation. We're not really sure how this ceremony happens, but it can be thought that the students will be given the choice to choose their paths immediately after the ceremony, or, it would be assigned to them.

Vertin and Mesmer Jr. are excluded from the choice/allocation, as they were both put into roles early on for special circumstances. For Vertin it was because she became the Timekeeper after the breakaway incident, and for Mesmer she had been put into the role of working in Laplace because of her lineage and heritage.

While Sonetto seemed to have chosen to be a field investigator, Matilda was assigned to her role as a Monitor Assistant.

Horropedia on the other hand seems to have sought out higher education since he stayed in the Foundation a bit longer than others, and thus graduated with such an honor. This made him able to start working in the external inspection unit as it seems.

Other notes on the Foundation kids before ending this megapost:

Sonetto has proven to be the most outstanding graduate of SPDM, and has been rewarded medals (i.e. Merit Medal of Session Eight) and even a ceremony stick because of her role as an honor guard.

Its very likely that Vertin was isolated from the rest of the students to train her for her role as the Timekeeper. Besides that, she is one of the most unique students of the school.

Mesmer Jr. had been assigned to work in Laplace's Rehabilitation Center at 12 years old, making her the youngest person to have started work among the five.

Besides Sonetto, Matilda has technically not seen her former classmates since graduation, and possibly has not seen Vertin for an even longer time.

Horropedia is the only person who had stayed in SPDM past the assumed graduating age, which makes me believe that he had received higher education or was held back by troublemaking…I can see both possibilities.

Overall, these are the observations that I was able to rule out. There are still some things that I might not have considered or taken to account yet, but that's just because I can't really tell if it can be added here + I wrote this at 5 am. SPDM's school system is a bit screwed because of the punishments and everything, but this entire guide feels like it can be comprehended better.

Thanks for reading to the bottom of this post. I'm open to answer questions as well as add into/fix the information here!

[curioscurio]

Just started generic vyvanse and wow. No wonder it changed lives. They say it lasts more than 4 to 6 hours and then it DOES? Most adhd meds I've tried will wear off in 4 or 5 hours, so I'd often have to take another dose later in the day, but this shit keeps me going for a good 10-13 hours!

(This is just my experience! I'm just a guy I'm not a doctor disclaimer so uh don't take my word as law lol)

[fiona-fififi]

Since I'm digging myself a hole tonight, I kind of actively hate the "But I am ready for something, and I think maybe that something could be with you."

Like, my first instinct was that it was sweet and that Buck was taking back a little bit of agency there and asking for what he wanted.

But I don't know. In so many ways, it also actually feels like it feeds into a very unhealthy pattern for Buck.

I mean, I might just be projecting because I cannot imagine ever being so infatuated with someone that I'd be like "I want to try a relationship with you" after only knowing them for 30 seconds and being left on the curb after a failed first date, but I digress.

But just. I don't know. This feels like such a pattern for Buck. Have someone express interest, only to then be rejected (Abby, Taylor, Natalia, now Tommy) and then chase them that much harder.

Like, Buck. Darling. PLEASE. Your value is not defined by the people for whom you have to prove your worth.

And I don't even mean this as anything directly against these partners. But Buck gets so caught up in forcing a relationship that he speedruns things without actually giving anyone (including himself) any space to grow into it, and it just feels kind of devastating that that's still where he is with himself.

[nugatorysheep]

lmao can we stop pretending like my stevencest art is some huge secret. literally everyone who follows me on all of my socials knows what kind of content I make. They know that my stance on shipping is that I don't care what people do so as long as it's tagged. I've never been secretive about this fact. This is not some smoking gun

Newsflash for the people unaware, there's a 60% chance any half-decent artist you've seen in this fandom has made some stevencest or gregpearl or stevinel or aged-up connverse whatever other 'bad' content you can think of, and I would know because I've seen it. Almost every creator still kicking it around here is a fucking freak, they're just in denial or pretending not to be

[sluckythewizard]

these are A BIT OLD but uhhh here check out these aggio doodles i did forever ago. still VERY happy w my colors :3

[deservedgrace]

one of the more frustrating aspects of ex evangelical/ex cult stuff for me personally is how hard it is to talk about. and part of that is the emotional side of it, yeah it's a shitload of cumulative and compounding trauma and trauma is hard to talk about sometimes. but it's not always hard to talk about, or at least equally hard to talk about, and the thing that's honestly more frustrating to me about that is how... extensive it is, how impossible it is to give an accurate picture of what it was like, especially succinctly. there are so many things that you need context for. there's so much that doesn't really sound that bad unless you have other information. so much was normalized to me that i have a hard time knowing what's actually "normal" and what's "yikes" to other people because i simply don't always have the context for "normal". there's so much that's normalized in society and churches that gets dismissed as "normal" when it really, really shouldn't be. there's so much i just don't remember because it slipped out of my brain the same as "normal" unimportant memories because my brain didn't process it as abuse or traumatic at the time due to that lack of context of what "normal" is; it was normal to me and just what people did and how people acted and what people said. and the thing that happens is all of this compiles into me sounding like i'm exaggerating and whining about a "normal church experience" because it's just so impossible to describe how all-encompassing being in a cult is if you don't have that experience.