#it’s getting bad for my mental health i really need to touch grass

[fatliberation]

please always treat each other with kindness. generalization, painting an entire demographic with the same brush, will be our downfall.

[zethhazloutay]

CW: Talk about BBgate, Larries, Antis and fandom behaviours, don’t like, don’t read.

Take care everyone, I will block any negative interaction bcs I like my mental health, if you have a different point of view and are able to share with respect I would love to talk about it as long as it’s not an attack on any demographic, read it all so the conversation adds up.

Expecting H and L to come out and be public is as bad as calling them queerbaiters.

Expecting L to confirm bbygate is as distasteful as constantly probing a non-traditional family by claiming their family dynamic is not valid.

Forcing an specific queer label on them is as gross as dying on the hill that they can’t be anything but straight.

Expecting H or L to debunk their romantic relationships stunt is as disrespectful as thinking every woman their work with is their beau/beard. Stunt work is part of their work, both parties of a stunt relationship consent to it and get something out of it, the real relationships behind the screen could be anything from workplace companionship to love.

Claiming and modelling L and H relationship status to your fantasies is as bad as projecting hetero-monogamy in them.

Being a Larry truther is as toxic as being an Anti, since these both groups tend to think their lives and carrers revolve around a fan-theory for good or bad.

Even if all the theories where real or false ( I think the most important part about this is having an open mind to any possibilities) there are tons of behaviours that are disgusting by all parts of the fandom (solos ot5, Antis, Larries, Buzzings) and it’s important to remember that is fun to be part of something but we have to remember we are not entitled to ANYTHING as their fans.

Growing up, being able to have meaningful IRL interactions, grow apart from the fandom and ‘touch some grass’ made me revisit Louis words about Larry and realise what they try to convey a communicate.

“People can believe what they want to believe even if it is bs and they are so connected to their beliefs that they won’t see other realities what I don’t like is when their beliefs transpire in invasive IRL nasty behaviours”

What this tells me is he doesn’t not give a fuck abt Larries since they are not by any means his ‘golden fan base’ or the ‘rotten fan base’ (despite what any Larry or Anti says). He cares however abt the real life consequences that have bleed from crazy ass people, because again, no matter the ‘proverbial truth’ (that he has only given by voice is ‘false but you can believe in it if you want [weird response but ok]’ ) he will never give pats in the back to people that have time and time again be the headquarters of invasive behaviours that he will never want or approve, queer or cishet, with H, E, single or with another person, proudly out or closeted. He does not address toxic behaviours in the fandom because he knows that a handful of people doesn’t represent all there is to the fan base, but we know that if he notices something he doesn’t like he will call it out.

This text it’s not for making anyone feel bad or guilty (Unless you stalk people around them or other parts of the fandom) is for anyone who might suffer of ‘Parasocial Stan Larry/Anti syndrome’ to realize that it REALLY DOESN’T MATTER we don’t need to know every single thing or defend any rich popstar of their own doings. We need to enjoy music, touch grass, hydrate, talk to our loved ones and uplift the joy in our lives and fandoms, unlearn toxic behaviours and be kind. We can all be delusional, wrong, bigots, selfish, hedonist and parasocial, but the important thing is to identify our own bluff and stop it, to understand everyone does/believe things for a reason and it’s not our place for us to berate each other but to give space for possitive things (pride flags, respect for privacy, fan fiction [most say is deranged but ff is what keeps creativity and writing alive and honestly, is not harmful at all if we all follow the etiquette] ,fan projects, friendship bracelets, cute and respectful interactions, taking care of each other, accept we all have a space in the fandom and it’s not a race of ‘the best fan’).

[abyssleaves]

Why I'll Be Remaining in the Lurking For Love Community

Ok.

Honestly, I really don't want to make this.

I'm way too old for fandom drama, and I don't need to be making myself a target. My gut is telling me that it's a bad idea to get involved, and I'm inviting trouble for myself by posting this.

But the most recent post against Tom is just ridiculous and I can't not speak my piece.

I'm not linking to it or reblogging it because I don't want to send hate anyone's way, and honestly because I'm going to block them as soon as this is posted. You can read mine and theirs for yourself and decide what you think.

As far as the “anti-Latino” posts that Tom liked, I can't speak to whether they do damage, or what Tom’s views actually are. I am not Latino, and I'm not Tom. It's not my place. But I will say I was aware of those posts long before I saw that “callout” post, and it's because multiple Latino artists I follow liked and retweeted them. At the time, I was given to understand that they were satirizing the fact that both were styles of stereotypes, but one was acceptable while the other was not, despite both being bad. I can't say, based on just those tweets, that I see any anti-Latino sentiment in Tom. I'm willing to admit that my knowledge on that front isn't bomb-proof.

The second point, well... I'm sorry to the friend that feels used. They're entitled to be hurt. And I will readily admit that I'm only able to respond to the info within that post. Maybe there IS more to it.

But I don't think that Tom ceasing contact over the hormones is surprising at all, from a mental health standpoint. Put yourself in his shoes: you're a trans person in US, which is its own struggle, and you've reached your mid/early 20s without being able to attain gender-affirming care. Now someone years younger than you just got the thing you want more than anything else. Sure, you might be happy for them. But that is also going to hurt, horribly. You really have three options:

1) stay friends and smother the bitterness/possible resentment. That will either end up ruining your mental health, or coming out and ruining the friendship anyway.

2) Ask your friend not to tell you/post about their transition. That makes it about you and also ruins something that should make them happy.

3) Distance yourself.

Maybe he should have spoken more directly with you about his feelings, granted. But, Tom has not been shy about the fact that he struggles with his mental health. None of us handle every situation well. As far as his occasional venting, I would think, if you WERE his friend, you might have some compassion, and either cease contact if the friendship is not fulfilling, or accept his sincere, well-written apology (Which are the ONLY words straight from Tom’s mouth on the entire fucking post).

Instead, you got the apology from him, and then shared a bunch of gossip between you and another friend, and outed your interpretations of his vent sessions to the world. That's not exactly classy, posting about how he sought people he felt safe with during a time when a big chunk of the community he built is telling him to do horrible things to himself.

I want to make it clear that I don't agree with all of Tom’s views as expressed on his initial explanation post. Again, many of them are issues that I don't feel are my place to get involved in, and therefore I stayed quiet at the time.

I'm aware that the justified and intense hurt felt by people in those communities can mean that even differing opinions feel like a slap in the face. You have every right to see Tom’s views as hurtful and choose to leave, and/or make a separate community for support. I don't blame people who are in those communities for doing so. This post is aimed at the obsessed minority that won't leave the tag/remaining fans/Tom alone.

All of the above being said, the reaction to Tom’s post is the most “touch grass” thing I have ever seen.

Tom liking one or two comics from a dark-humor comic artist so widespread on the internet that I didn't even know he had an actual page, or anything about him as a person (something Tom also stated) = Tom is a Nazi sympathizer.

Tom saying “I don't care for neopronouns, but I won't attack you for using them and will respect what everyone wants to be called” = Tom is a monstrous bigot.

The racism accusation has me especially 💀. All because he liked a post about help from an unexpected source and that we should be kinder to each other.

How on earth are you going to tell a POC that he doesn't know what racism is because he’s NOT THE RIGHT KIND OF POC? Do you hear yourself?

(FWIW, I also don't agree with kink at pride. Sorry. LGBTQ+ people are not "narsty little freaks"--yeah I SAW that post--they're people. They can be kinky, they can be vanilla, whatever. Kink has nothing to do with your orientation, and therefore it isn't part of Pride. Also, my guys, if you're having public sex/being nude at pride for kink reasons, then you're not part of the healthy kink community: safe, sane, and CONSENSUAL. Nobody around you consented to that. Similarly, while I feel that sex education for minors should be normalized in order to give them better tools to tell when they're being groomed, seeing strangers with no pants on is NOT education, that's involving minors in your fetish. And that's fucking gross. )

The LGBTQ+ community in the US is in a lot of trouble right now, and we have a very bad habit of eating our own. We divide and subdivide and allow ourselves to be carved up by a united conservative front.

We do not allow for differing levels of leftist beliefs, and we constantly accuse each other of being not POC/leftists/queer enough, or being the wrong kind, or using a term for ourselves that some other individuals don't like. A great deal of the bullying leveled against him is justified by others saying that he's choosing to support a party that will turn on him and cause him and others like him harm.

Well, to be honest, the only community I see doing that right now is this one.

The amount of disingenuous “OMG, just FYI everyone to everyone hurt by [situation], I’M not transphobic/a bigot, you're all welcome here 😌” posts from people, who did not read his post, did not link to or quote his post. Disgusting. You know very well that nothing in his explanation or in his actions throughout his time in the community pointed to any abuse ON HIS PART towards trans people, non-binary people, people of the Jewish faith, or POC. You're virtue signaling, you're putting lambs blood above your door to keep the baying mob away.

This is insane. When did differing opinions turn into this? You don't have to agree with Tom’s views on anything. You're welcome to not follow his accounts, not like his art, not buy his game. If you feel that his opinions are too severely different from yours, you should be allowed to leave the fandom without people telling you that you should do bad things to yourself because your opinions don't match theirs (sound familiar?).

But…please. Can we stop with this awful parasocial obsession with his personal page? You can't lie to yourself and call it anything other than literal stalking. It's creepy as hell, and it reflects more on you than on him, in the long run. People might agree with your outrage, but deep down, they're afraid of being the next target, and they stay quiet out of fear that you'll stalk them next and send a mob hurling abuse their way.

To Tom, I'm sorry that this happened to you. You didn't deserve anything even close to this level of vitriol and abuse. You started from scratch and created a character and story that I feel was something truly unique. You reached an incredible number of people's hearts with Lurking for Love and Jacob, and no matter what happens from here with both of them, you deserve to feel proud of that. I hope that you are ok. Being a public figure on the internet doesn't mean you don't have a right to private opinions or even just general privacy.

I'm not tagging any characters in this. I'm only tagging the game because I hope other fans get to see that they're not alone. I don't believe the tags should be polluted this way. If you have to discuss a creator, it should be in his tag and not in a fandom space.

I'm aware that there will be deliberate bad-faith readings of this, or nitpicking of things I didn't cover. Whoever wants to, go ahead and respond, but I've said what I came to say, and I have nothing more to add. My inbox is closed and I love the block button.

[katyaromanoffpetrova]

Hey bae, I promised I would send this so here I am🫡

The album Clancy by Twenty One Pilots is soooo Kat coded imo. So yk how I get carried away with asks right? Today I shall give you explanations of every song I think is Kat coded and why😁

Next Semester: while the beat is up tempo and catchy it’s actually really fucking sad. It’s about how he(the singer) almost attempted to unalive himself. Which obviously has similarities to Kat’s backstory. But then the song goes “can’t change what you’ve done, start fresh next semester” which is obviously representative of how Kat has gotten past everything she’s done wrong and is now in a better place.

Backslide: one of my favs off the album. It’s about slipping back into that darkness he’s felt previously. He says “I don’t wanna backslide to where I’ve started from, there’s no chance I will shake this again” which I think really represents Kat’s mental health and it being such a slippery slope. And then (my fav part of the song) in the chorus it goes “‘cause I feel the pull, water’s over my head…..” and then it goes “I’ll take anything you have if you could throw me a line” which is like when Kat checked herself into the mental health place just desperate to get better.

Routines In The night: when he sings “walk the layout” he isn’t talking about a building but actually viewing his mind as a place to explore. “Some doors have “stay out” spray-painted in white” refers to bad memories and trauma which I think portrays Kat very well. Like she gets in her head a lot and has to be careful not to think so much about all those bad memories

Vignette: this one has major substance abuse themes which obviously represents a certain time in Kat’s life. But a line that gets me in this context is “….To pitch the greener grasses and hope that she would agree” in the song context this about him being scared to lose his wife to the greener grass, aka people not as broken. Kat has had so much guilt and fair over what her state does to Nat :(

The Craving (Jenna’s Version): is about his wife and honestly Kat could’ve written this. It’s about realising that he’s the ‘unstable’ one and the one who needs some extra support. “But I swear that I will give more than I take away” really gets me because we all know Kat has felt so guilty over how much support she’s needed.

Navigating: is basically about the never ending battle with mental health and trying to navigate that. “But when our fingers touch, I feel my way back home” is just very cute and could be about Nat bringing Kat back to reality when she has her panic attack moments.

Snap Back: is about relapse and being afraid to lose all the progress you’ve made with overcoming your demons. Representative of Kat having hard times and break downs but having to continue to fight and not lose her progress.

At The Risk Of Feeling Dumb: this is about having to check on your friends and make sure they’re okay but the chorus is from the perspective of the person with mental disorders. The whole chorus represents how Kat feels imo, just her not wanting people to drop anything for her and not wanting them to see her when she’s in a dark place.

This may be my longest ask yet tbh but you should expect this by now.

Also if anyone has album recommendations pls gimme🤲 not just u but anyone who reads this and wants to comment. I need more music👹

Omg I'm so impressed by your dedication 🤯 This is crazy. I listened to big parts of all the songs and although some of them aren't really my thing, l do see the connections you make to Kat.

I don't really have to explain it because you did so amazingly in your own explanation of the songs, but it just shows once again now complicated of a character Kat actually is. Her mental problems aren't just that: hers. They affect so many people in so many ways, and there's so much more to it than you'd think.

Leaving the past behind and starting over, being afraid to fall back, being scared your wife will leave you for someone better (and understanding completely), wanting to protect your loved ones but also needing them to survive.

She's so many parts in one, and that those songs portray a lot of them in one album is crazy

[rjalker]

Yet another fandom themed bingo card. This time for some of the inane and useless responses you get when you criticize something in the media.

[ID: a light orange bingo card labeled in cursive, "Media analysis bingo". The boxes read, in order from left to right and top to bottom along each row: "All interpretations are valid uwu" "Vibes are just as valid as actual analysis and evidence :)" "Yes, I will straight up lie about what happens in the books. This proves I'm right." "You have no reading comprehension if you think these books have any bigotry in them" "If you think these books have problems, you need to touch grass. Because I hate media analysis and disabled people!" "Summarizes the problem, acts like this somehow disproves it" "refuses to provide any evidence to back up their argument *provides evidence…that literally proves them wrong. (and then doesn't even notice)". "Well, the story has an unreliable narrator, so anything you're criticizing is actually not a problem!!!" *repeats the definition of an unreliable narrator as though that has anything to do with the topic at hand* "The narrator is unreliable so this resolves all problems!!!" and then the narrator isn't actually unreliable because the entire rest of the narrative agrees with them on everything. blatant sealioning Free space "But the author said on Twitter—" "Can you give me some examples of this problem?" sees the evidence immeidately starts throwing around ableist insults because they have no way out now except personal attacks "I see the 3k word essay you wrote complete with direct quotes and paragraphs from each book and I raise you: I'm not reading all that lol. You're still wrong though. That didn't happen." thinks in-universe explanations justify real world bigotry "Well, I headcanon that the problem doesn't exist, so if you think it's a problem in canon, you just need to touch grass! It's all fake anyways!!!" "OMG, why are you even interacting with this media if you hate it so much???" "For the sake of my mental health, I need you to stop criticizing the bigotry in this media I worship." "Instead of googling the media analysis term you used, or asking what it means, I'll just completely derail the post!" "Books are actually cosmic horrors beyond our comprehension. No one can Ever say what theme a book Really has, it's all unknowable mysterious mysteries of mystery. BTW what does the word 'theme' mean?" blatant anti-intellectualism "I'm going to ignore everything you actually said and argue about this completley separate thing instead" "Critical thinking is bad for your mental health and you shouldn't do it!!!" End ID.]

[qqquib]

All Time Fav Fics

multi-fandom + continual updates :3

DSMP + SBI

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Tommyinnit: The three endings and two beginnings

- 142,401 words, abandoned

- also taken off ao3

- TW: torture, suicidal ideation, suicide, self harm, manipulation, death, child abuse, neglect, war

- Rating: 9/10

- all DSMP characters are thrown into a room to relive tommy’s life

Nights Like These by ChelseaFrown

- 107,946 words

- TW: child abuse, self harm, suicidal ideation, fire

- Rating: 8/10

- Foster Care tommyinnit AU

Godling by dancewiththewaves

- 66,761 words

- TW: kidnapping, violence

- Rating: 8/10

- tommyinnit and tubbo are godlings, however tommy is missing and tubbo needs him to get his powers. they are calm and chaos

Ours Poetica by zeeskit

- 77,502 words, abandoned

- TW: neglect, self harm, suicidal ideation + actions, child abuse

- Rating: 10/10

- tommyinnit is suicidal and abandoned by his family. he turns to poetry to cope

Cigarette Paper by anonymous

- 149,118 words

- there is a sequel <3

- TW: drugs, self harm, overdose, suicidal ideation, child abuse, religious trauma, rehab, neglect

- Rating: 9/10

- wilbur is deeply traumatized and addicted to drugs, tommy just wants to help

Home is Where The Heart Isn't by ThisB_tchEmpty

- 25,211 words, abandoned

- series!

- TW: neglect, suicidal ideation, character death, grief, child abuse

- rating 10/10

- Tommy was never loved by his family, he turns 18 today

The Children's Rebellion by Aria_Cinabun

- 257,877 words

- sequel out!

- TW: child abuse, graphic violence, suicide attempt, main character death, genocide, prison, disordered eating, bullying, starvation, manipulation, bullying

- rating 9/10

- Tommy Innes was born to touch the stars, but instead is the former leader of the children's rebellion

Mon Dieu by s_mol

- 114,945 words

- TW: torture, character death, Stockholm Syndrome, graphic violence, starvation, paralyzation, suicide attempt, self harm, religious trauma, gaslighting + manipulation, cults

- rating 9/10

- exile Tommy gets revived and is now dream's "angel."

Hand in Unlovable Hand by whoknowsidont

- 20,956 words

- everyday I pray for a pt 2

- TW: foster care, graphic violence, prison, character death, manipulation, mentioned suicide, police

- rating 10/10

- Tommy gets removed from his placement, and lives with a murderer

the funeral was a bleak affair by @jazzintown

- 71,306 words

TW: major character death, self harm, suicidal ideation, suicide, grief, alcohol abuse, neglect

- rating 10/10

- Tommy was born into a broken family

Theater Major by Annex

- 85,169 words

- TW: parental issues, bad family life, suicidal ideation, bad portrayal of foster homes, self-harm, death in general

- rating: 10/10

- Tommy has to make it through his last semester of high school, last show with the school that has done so much for him and now his entire schedule and life has been thrown to the wind by his family. And why are they acting like nothings wrong?

would you miss me in the end, if i run out of oxygen? by roboot

- 9,381 words

- TW: suicidal ideation, self harm, heavy depression, loneliness, coming to terms with how bad you've gotten

- rating: 10/10 accurate description of mental health issues

- I’m going to kill myself. His mind decides, and his stomach lurches. His breath trembles on the next intake, “how’s Ranboo doing?”, “Hm?” Tubbo says, pitching his voice curiously as his mind catches up to the question, “oh! They’re really good! Our projects are actually kind of joint- he’s doing death, which I thought was kind of morbid but Smith really liked it, so.”, “Why couldn’t they have helped you then?”, Tubbo scoffs, “you really think the guy capturing death would have an eye for life? If I let him touch my project he’d corrupt it or something.” He kicks his head back to meet Tommy’s gaze, setting his camera into the grass, “besides, we haven’t had a chance to really hang out lately.”, “You mean you haven’t had a chance to use me as free labour.”, “Technicalities! Hey, we should get moving again, I want to stop by the fountains.”

there’s stardust running through your veins by always_an_anxious_mess

- 125,040 words

- TW: abuse, torture, child abuse, foster homes, loneliness, graphic descriptions of violence, suicidal ideation, imprisonment, human experimentation, disassociation, character death

- rating: 10/10 love humans are space orcs

- When he was little, he’d dreamed of being an astronaut, of going to space, like every kid did. Space was fun, exploratory. Or it was supposed to be.

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UNDERTALE + AUs

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Winter in Your Bones by cryptic_jack

-67,506 words

- TW: violence, technical breaking and entering

- rating 9.5/10

- super fluffy alaskan reader x sans trope

Masquerade by TeaLeafe

- 160,404 words, unfinished (abandoned?)

- TW: major character death, self harm, rebounding, references to game canon events, violence, asshole behavior

- rating 7/10

- Underfell and Undertale universes collide into one, reader "loses" sans to fell!sans' girl.

Bullies by CurlySugarSkull

- 168,408 words, unfinished (abandoned?)

- TW: bullying, gangs, violence, rape/non-con, child abandonment, referenced suicide, drug use, referenced self harm, anxiety, underage drinking/smoking

rating: 8.5/10

- Jamie Hopkins gets put into Bullsworth Academy for troubled kids... into the boys dormitory.

You Matter To Me by @myownpersonaldemons

- 139,370 words

- TW: unhealthy relationships, accidental pregnancy, parental issues, smoking, legal battles, cheating

- rating 9.5/10

- reader moves in with the skelebros + co. after finding her boyfriend fucking her sister...

The Burning Mountain by Kassykins

- 110,941 words

- TW: emotional + psychological abuse, graphic violence, mentions of child abuse, alcohol abuse/alcoholism, rapid reality switching

- rating 8/10

- reader is a mage living in hiding. suddenly, the world as she knew it is changed indefinitely and only few can remember.

Tilikum by @llamagoddessofficial

- 54,456 words, unfinished

- TW: graphic descriptions of violence, abuse, murder, obsessive love lol

- rating 9.9/10

- llama goddess always hits.

- the Trio(tm) are all sirens living in an aquarium, Y/N is assigned as their caretaker even though they have no prior experience. Good luck!

Aggre(g/v)ation by @llamagoddessofficial

- 180,230 words

- TW: graphic violence, non-con, referenced cannibalism, referenced murder, referenced starvation, referenced child abuse, kidnapping

- rating 9.6/10

- reader lives in an apartment with sans, who kinda hates her... sorta? and then his "cousin" shows up, and then another...?

These Are Our Days by @Rehlia

- 642,238 words (WOW)

- TW: graphic violence, PTSD, body horror, terrorism, politics, human/monster war, disassociation, memory loss

- rating 9/10

- reader gets a job working as a social media manager for the monsters, after applying while shitfaced, and gets swept into something much bigger than anticipated.

Chill or Be Chilled by @tricktster

- 484,012 words, abandoned

- TW: graphic violence, body horror, weird science

- rating 8/10

- reader and sans meet, a classic slowburn (that's not very slow), and then shit hits the fan.

—

SOUTH PARK

—

Oh My God, They Were Cellmates by Absolute_Trash_Fire

- 149,689 words

- TW: rape/non-con, drug addiction, murder, graphic descriptions of violence, sexual assault + harassment, jail, gang activity, suicidal thoughts, bad parents

- rating: 10/10 one of my fav South Park fics

- Tweek Tweak is a mild-mannered young man. He practices sex in carefully considered moderation. He holds no ill will toward his fellow man. This is his gospel...But it's all thrown out the window when he is arrested. Arrested for his ongoing meth abuse. Specifically, arrested for murdering his own dealer.As his false identity is peeled away, he must find himself while under the anxiety-inducing protection of his rage-prone cellmate, Craig Tucker.

Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space by gremlinteeth

- 136,649 words

- TW: bullying, homophobia, child abuse, drug abuse, bad parents, fighting, kinda graphic violence

- rating: 10/10 high school but its actually accurate

- The epitome of apathy, Craig Tucker has never been anything but nonchalant when it comes to his life and other related catastrophes. As long as he's not missing his favourite tv show or being hassled into another one of his classmates' ill-advised schemes, the boy truly doesn't care. Why should he? He's almost halfway through his Junior year at South Park High, which he's already figured out means he's only trapped there for another year and a half. Yet, there's only so far flying under the radar can get you, and unless he can get his grades up before the end of the school year, he won't be graduating with the rest of his class. Luckily, there's a blonde-haired recluse who might be able to help him - in more ways than he'd hoped.

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STRANGER THINGS + STEDDIE

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stereoscope by seraphy

- 60,836 words

- TW: child abuse, graphic violence, canon typical violence, PTSD and its effects, alcoholism, kidnapping, bullying

- rating: 9/10

- Here's Steve Harrington's biggest secret, though: It's not the alternate dimension brimming with monsters or the impossible girl with powers. It's the fact that he and Eddie Munson have been friends all along. In an on-and-off, tangential, fucked up kind of way. Never on his own terms. But still friends.

the game (SERIES) by schlatt (@669b)

- 78,658 words

- TW: self harm, drug use, death, canon typical violence, PTSD, gore, slightly graphic violence

- rating: 9/10

- 5 years after vecna died... but he's back??? make it gay and full of healing and relapses and trauma.

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HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON

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Phantom of the Arena by @aleteia-ff

- 277,913 words

- TW: animal cruelty, talk of rape/non-con, talk of sacrifices, graphic violence, bad parents, slight suicide ideation at some points, pregnancy, general vikingness

- rating: 9/10

- Dragons and Berk have been at war for generations; one year ago however, strange things started to happen during raids, which cannot possibly be the work of a dragon. Refusing to let her village be haunted by what they call the Phantom of the Arena, Astrid sets out to find the culprit. 

Persephone by sunflowerb

- 222,161 words

- TW: bridal kidnapping/sacrifice, graphic violence, pregnancy (I think), bad parental relationship, general vikingness, animal cruelty

- rating: 8.5/10

She was meant to be the price for peace; her life in exchange for the mysterious Dragon Master's mercy.Her captor wasn't supposed to be a ghost from her past, and she wasn't supposed to become his ally...or his lover. And when news spreads of a blonde-haired girl at the Dragon Master's side, there will be repercussions for dragons and Vikings alike.

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MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE

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The Lost and Forgotten by Litcraz

- 272,143 words

- TW: homelessness, suicidal thoughts, cannon typical violence, graphic violence, depression, loneliness, rage, self-worth issues, death, threats

- rating: 9/10

- In order to save everyone's lives, Peter is forced to give up memories - their memories of him. As a result, he is left entirely alone in a world where no one knows he exists. After finally moving on with his life, a new threat arises, bringing Peter back directly into the Avengers' path.

A Peter Parker Problem by spagbol99

- 176,955 words

- TW: child abuse, graphic violence, child neglect accidentally, canon typical violence, self-worth issues, bullying, lots of lying, guilt to the max

- rating 9/10

- Peter Parker was back from the dead. At least that is what everybody told him. He comes back to find May has a husband and a kid. A new family he has to fit into. The only thing that feels solid is Tony: the Blip and fatherhood have mellowed him and Peter loves the bond they have now, but Tony needs to focus on his own recovery - not small time Peter Parker problems. When things at home take a turn for the worse, Peter decides that he'll handle it himself. After all, if May is happy, he is happy, right? Right?

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle

- 222,949 words

- TW: child abuse, sexual abuse, rape/non-con, death, graphic violence, canon typical violence, homelessness, loneliness, guilt-complex, cancer, trust issues

- rating: 10/10

- Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway. So he leaves. Simple. Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help. Peter will help Tony. In return, the mask stays on. And that’s when things get complicated.

Peter and the Jailbirds by beautifullights

- 86,427 words

- TW: human experimentation, child abuse, canon typical violence, the Raft from MCU, forced isolation w/ sensory deprivation, torture, gunshot wounds, graphic violence, self-worth issues

rating: 10/10

Peter gets tossed onto the raft after being caught as Spiderman, it does not go well for him at all

Constant Internal [Spider] Screaming: Semi-Connected Scenes from a Graduating Senior’s Life by @isadancurtisproduction

- 141,489 words

- TW: stress, canon typical violence, bullying, fear of moving on, PTSD issues

- rating: 9.5/10

- When Peter's Teacher announces that his Graduating Class's Senior Trip is going to be to Stark Industries, he is... less than enthused. No one believes his Internship is real and frankly, he just doesn't want to deal with it, but between May and Mr. Stark, he doesn't really think he's going to get much of a choice. He has a month till the actual day, maybe he'll fall into a pit or get carried away by a stork-themed villain or fall into a Coma or something before the dreaded Field Trip

Fill My Veins With Terror by ManyGayUmbrellas (SERIES)

- unfinished (currently ~90k words)

- TW: graphic torture, child abuse, graphic violence, emetophobia warning, self-hatred, self harm, eating disorder, character death, murder, rape/non-con, suicide,

- rating 10/10!

one shot series following whumptober 2023 prompts, will rip your heart out

Spaghetti and Red Wine by atrhopodwithapen

224,770 words

TW: character death, graphic violence, rape/non-con, child abuse, canon typical violence, food issues, bad portrayals of the foster care system, torture, suicide attempt,

rating 9/10!

May dies on her way to get food for dinner, Peter gets placed in foster care, it doesn’t go well. 

literally anything under the "Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries" tag

—

SIDEMEN

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Catharsis by dontlookup

- 20,234 words

- TW: sex as self harm, consensual but not safe or healthy, sub-drop, unrequited love, incorrect portrayals of content creators!!!!

- rating 10/10 its like. a perf vent fic

Vik shrugged. "Cathartic," he mumbled. "I felt bad. It felt good." In which Vik doesn't know how to process his feelings for Tobi and JJ helps by beating them out of him.

[raelle-writing]

Hope you’re doing ok! Sending lots of love your way! 💕

Thank you 🥺 tbh I’m not doing well. All the hate Kerri and I got on twitter yesterday really impacted me and my mental health. Kinda ruined the show for me tbh - hopefully it doesn’t last. I haven’t been able to write meta or fic at all today, I’ve just been reading a book and watching TV.

It’s shit like this that gets under my skin. These people seek ME out and come to MY account to reply to me and say this shit when I’m usually just writing analyses or theories. This one in particular was in reply to me calling out a mutual for saying that I needed to “touch grass and stop normalizing things” because we said on our fan account that we can understand why Phee and Jin act the way they do and that they were stupid kids so we don’t want to condemn them for it. They replied to me saying that, and to our fan account saying we’re shitty. They don’t follow me or the account. They just sought us out to do that.

We had to post an entire clarification that when we analyze and explain things we’re not normalizing them or saying they’re okay, we’re just talking about the details of the show.

I KNOW Jin has done bad things. I’ve never said he didn’t. So has Non and Phee and literally every other character in the show. But the only people getting their morality questioned about it are people who like Jin. It’s infuriating.

And while they’re out there making us feel like shit for relating to or enjoying characters, they’re also cheering for New to murder everyone. And when we Jin defenders pointed out that Murder Is Also Bad and turned the moral mirror back on them for being sanctimonious hypocrites they just pointed and laughed and said “why are you watching the murder show if you don’t want murders?”

This fandom fucking sucks and I’m not sure I want to participate in it anymore.

Sorry for the rant, thank you for the message 🥺

[einsatzzz]

long-ish vent/rant bc xmas holidays truly is THAT season huh !!!

i would rant about this on my bird app acct, but the character limit for each tweet there might just piss me off so i'll just rant here uninterrupted.

i have not been doing so good health wise the past few weeks, but it got even worse this weekend ueueueueue besides my body pain + sore muscles from touching grass two days in a row (my leg muscles hurt sm fr fr 😭😭😭) plus my bank acct getting drained, i felt an impending fever last night so i took some meds and slept early. woke up after four hours feeling very nauseous. i alr ran out of nausea meds, so i tried to distract myself and forced myself to fall alseep.

woke up after another four hours, im still nauseous but this time with stomach pain from the high acidity and diarrhea????!!!! how???!!! i had antimotility meds and antacids, so i took some. the problem is i rlly need to eat and drink, on the other hand, im nauseous. my brother cooked me some food, but only managed to eat one(1) ebi fry and two tablespoons of rice dsfhvhsjdfs i did get a sip of gatorade b4 i passed out again from pain sfhsfhsd i deadass thought i was gonna die bc i felt my limbs slowly go cold god damn....i think i slept longer right after, around six hours??? i really felt the dehydration in my bones when i woke up. i still feel bad, but not enough to not eat a little bit more.

tho me thinking that im dying at that time is prob bc of the anxiety mixed in, but last night b4 i got home i actually legit thought i'm gonna die. if my chances of dying daily is at 0.6%, i feel like yesterday the probability skyrocketed to at least 60-75%. won't go to too much in detail bc its a very heated serious family drama but the catch is that we're in a moving vehicle 😃😃😃 i even considered messaging some of my friends smth like "if i don't post anything new in one month, please assume i actually legit died /srs" or had "i shouldve gotten life insurance"/"this is such a stupid way to die i shouldve just kms yesterday" thoughts hahaha it was that bad.

next year i really need to learn how to drive even if i have motion sickness. then b4 i reach 30, i need to somehow live alone peacefully at my own place. i feel like my mental health would improve significantly if i could do that. (i typed a lot after this but i deleted it 😅 i just remembered i said i won't go too much into family stuff jfbhjdbghdb)

overall its very upsetting/frustrating that bad things keeps on being thrown at me irl, esp since i simply just wanna focus being in my own little corner, work on my projects/wips and admire other's works. as one of my fave streamers would say, we will still ball!!! but like...damn, this shit hurt af 😭😭😭 my project plans have been bamboozled once again bc of this, but we're still on! i need to lock in when i feel well enough.

[faithrainee]

What really would have happened if Peter B hadn't been sent to Miles' dimension? Because as silly and Haha-I'm-Depressed Peter makes his life out to be in his introduction, he really did look like he was at the lowest point in his life. I also think it's interesting that Peter has, from what we see, no job at all. I don't think it's mentioned, though the Wikia's mention the Daily Bugle, I have no memory of that in ITSV.

But regardless of if my memory is right or not, most incarnations of Spider-Man that are meant to be of working age have some sort of job. Usually working at the Daily Bugle, doing a science position, or something else; unless they're being supported by Aunt May or, like the Homecoming Spider-Man, Tony Stark and SHIELD, for the most part.

It's interesting to me that we've never really seen a Spider-Man so depressed as this one, besides Far From Home's Spider-Man, though I feel it's not the same, as Peter in that movie is meant to be younger. Even Far From Home's Tobey and Andrew cameos don't seem to be doing that bad, just tired and melancholic.

I've read some fics discussing how Peter might have ended his own life if the Miles dimension situation hadn't happened to him, and I think that isn't too far-fetched to believe. However, I think an accident would probably be more likely, especially one from his Spiderman duties.

He was out of shape, he admits that, and he didn't really seem to have much to live for, being completely alone with no family at all. He wasn't inspired to talk to MJ by anyone, so she would have likely remarried to someone else after believing he wasn't interested in her anymore from his lack of initiative. People can't wait forever, and maybe she would have thought he wasn't going to change his mind about having children.

I do think his dimension might have had his narrative doomed from the start. I think he would be fighting a villain one day, with everyone surprised he was actually out fighting for once. Maybe he felt a little inspired to go touch grass that day as a civilian and a villain just happened to show up. He's fighting, slowly realizing that damn, this is harder than it used to be.

Maybe he gets thrown and injures his back again, leaving him paralyzed or somewhat disabled. That would likely, down the road, without any intervention from others in his life, leave him completely depressed. Not to mention New York City apartment + medical bills + single man = serious debt. Not sure how long he'd live if that happened, even if he dealt with his disability just fine, he was already hopeless in ITSV.

And the city finds out Spider-Man is just Some Guy. And they mourn that loss, because their hero for 20- hell, 30 something years at that point, was facing the same issues they were and he couldn't take it anymore and none of them knew before it was too late.

Or maybe it's less depressing than that. Maybe he gets crushed by rubble, the city shocked at the loss of their hero. And in revealing him to be some average Joe, they mourn a little, but move on. Someone probably replaces him after that, or the city just has higher crime rates than before.

Maybe he gets beaten to death by the villain, similar to Miles' dimension's Peter. Authorities find him, then, the city might have mixed feelings. He should've been stronger. How could he not have taken down that villain? He used to be at his prime, poor man had it coming. We didn't need him anymore anyways. Etc.

I'd just love to see more takes on Peter's existence without Miles intervention. His Spider-Man is so interesting to me because I feel we don't see a lot of older Spider-Men except in the comics. And we don't see a lot of older men struggling with mental health in media. Period.

[ihavethedreamies]

Hello, everyone!

I want to start by apologizing, because I am going on an indefinite hiatus.

I realize I have three series I have not finished (ATEEZ, Seventeen, and Stray Kids), and I'm not sure when I will finish them.

Part of my hiatus is for my mental health, but its good! I started this blog to write stories to try and get over the writer's block I had for nearly three years.

I had been going to college for Creative Writing and for various reasons, I ended up leaving my school. Because of bad health reasons (I have a genetic disorder), I ended up transferring to online school. My mental health was really bad for a long time. Everything I loved and learned at my first school with my writing teacher there, was contradicted by what my online teacher professed. I hated it, and I lost all confidence due to the way the second teacher taught. It was like I couldn't write what I wanted (Thriller/Fantasy) because what is selling right now is Young Adult Romance/Fantasy. I hate that, and so I just…gave up.

I had been planning a novel series for years, and all of a sudden, it seemed like the work was for nothing. After getting my physical health better controlled, and then my mental health getting way better, I started to write fanfiction. Thanks to everyone's incredible comments and notes, I got my confidence back. I feel, again, like I am a good writer, which I was convinced I wasn't.

November is National Write a Novel Month, and I don't plan on doing the whole book I have planned then, but the goal is 40,000 words. I want to do at least that much. Because I want so bad to work on my novel series, I have honestly lost interest in fanfiction. I want to do what I've been planning since I was ten years old; be a novelist. I want to get all of the stuff for my novel planned out before November, its a High Fantast/Science Fiction/Thriller mashup thing that I've made a world for and everything. I don't just want to start it now, I need to.

This took me several weeks to think about, and I've finally decided. I recently moved, I am going to start working as the IT person for my uncle and father's company, and eventually start a computer repair and custom computer building business. I am waiting to hear back from the SSA to see if I can get Disability so I can do the computer stuff more as a productive hobby. I went from a town of less than a thousand to the Denver area. Big change, and now, I have opportunities. I can actually go to a library, or used bookstore, or even the museum now, because there is actually public transportation (I don't drive). After 13 years of hating where I lived, I came back to the home I always loved and I want to live a life…Touch some grass for once.

I want to thank everyone who has supported me up until this point, and I'm sorry I have left some things unfinished. Please, continue to enjoy and share my work, I'm not taking anything down. I might even post something once in a blue moon.

Again, thank you for your support, and please, continue to dream.

Master-Master List

[egg-emperor]

I don't want to vent much here anymore aside from health update stuff but this ends on a positive note and might help some people so I'm dropping it on main

I've been noticing that a lot of people are very anti recovery in multiple ways and that anon seals it. like the people who have a problem with you and call you out for every little thing they can to have a reason to hate you never actually want you to improve and change for the better

they never want you to recover. they never want you to become a better person. they never want you to heal from harassment and pain they put you through. they don't even give you the chance to change and get better if they really do think you did something wrong

and they're like that when it comes to health as well as behavior, wishing people they hate won't recover from their health issues and deserve it just because they don't like them. as if good health and life is only deserved by those they like personally

their idea of "holding you accountable" for things they think is wrong is by turning everyone against you to try to leave you alone in shame and self loathing, or try to push you to suicide. they don't tell you what you did wrong or suggest how to improve other than backhanded condescending "you're horrible I hate you get therapy and touch grass" comments

because they don't want you to improve. all they want is a reason to hate you and get rid of you one way or other, so you're alone feeling terrible mentally and/or physically because it satisfies them and they get to keep hating and disguise it as morally correct and have everyone else hate you too

those people are not worth your time and stress. they don't want what's best for you. being hurt alone and isolated after people turn against you and try to hurt you, and fearing that continuing to post and trying to get to know more people will end up getting you hurt again, or that nobody will like you is no way to live. get out there do it anyway

and don't ever let them think you don't deserve to heal physically either. they pushed me to hurt myself and spiral into many self destructive behaviors where I was sabotaging myself and I kept letting my physical health get worse while feeling like I didn't deserve the help. I came to regret it and realized I deserved better. and so do you! call your doctor

I say this wholeheartedly instead of the condescending backhanded ways those people said to me while actually just contributing to the problem knowingly. you're not manipulative or selfish for acknowledging that you're hurting and expressing your pain and you deserve to get the help you need. I wish someone had said this to me instead of accusing me of just that

realizing this and thinking this way has helped me a lot. it wasn't thanks to them that I realized my mental health was getting worse and resulting in bad behavior when I was unstable last year and that I needed to make some changes, I noticed that on my own. all they did is push me to the breaking point. and I'm convinced that the stress contributed to my chronic pain worsening and my faints increasing lately too.

they act like they're trying to help when they tell you to get therapy and touch grass but then treat you like a criminal and tell people not to interact with you like you're dangerous. or they don't even try to disguise it as help like that anon and are honest about their intentions

but it was me who realized that I needed help and decided to pick myself up and fight to get better. their cruelty and pushing and pushing me until my mental and physical health got worse did the opposite of that and made me feel like I didn't even deserve the help for a while

but I decided on my own that it was time to make a change and I've improved mentally over time with a new more positive mindset that I'm trying to stick to. but then my physical health got worse and I finally starting seeing a doctor to try to find out what's going on

I will get better. they don't want me to believe I can but I've been getting better mentally as challenging as it can be at times and I hope that has been showing in my behavior. I have anger issues and I get stressed easily but I've been working on controlling that and have been feeling calmer and more at peace

my biggest issue right now is my physical health but I feel that my mental troubles causing anger and stress have contributed to the chronic pain increase and faints from being overwhelmed by it all. so it emphasizes to me that I need to be kinder to myself and not let anger and stress consume me

and now it turns out my hate anons are anti recovery in the physical health sense too. but I'm not going to let that stop me, I deserve to get better no matter how much I'm hated and told to die. those cruel words mean nothing to me anymore with my new more positive mindset. I know their intentions and I know I deserve to get better

now the more people try to make me feel bad about myself and work to isolate me so I feel trapped in it, and the more they tell me I shouldn't recover health wise and should die, the more I want to fight to keep thriving and proving that I'm stronger than that and that they can't bring me down!

I hope I can inspire others do the same because it's really a terrible place to be when people make you believe your existence is the problem and your behavior and mental health can't improve, or that you don't deserve good health and that the only solution is to be isolated or to die, it's not true. you can and you do.

[exnusquam]

Psa.; Please for the love of all that's holy read this if you want to continue following me.

[mun] it has come to my attention once more that some people are fucking unwilling to ever see my legendary muses as people despite explicitly being written to be that way. Most of my legendary pokemon muses are in human form half the time (with Arceus being in human form 99% of the time), and all of them have the ability to consent, human intelligence, and the ability to communmicate that consent in some way, but since they aren't human apparently to some people that's poke/p/hilia. I guess I can't ship my player character in mass effect with any of the alien love interests either because theyre not human then. fml

My legendary pokemon muses are to be considered people. Because that's what I write them as. That also means that some of them will engage with human characters in romantic situations. If you don't like that, you aren't required to follow, and I ask you to simply hardblock me so you save me the anxiety and hassle over trying to rid you of my dashboard.

I completely understand if someone is uncomfortable with that idea (shipping with inhuman characters in general). But you can just block me and my ship partners and move the fuck on. If youre being blocked by someone because you use guilt tripping, abusive rhethoric and block evasion or because you question someones sanity or mental state because they ship with my inhuman muses, then you're being the problem here.

My shippable legendary muses are ALWAYS

Adults

Of human intelligence

Capable of comprehending and using human language

Capable of consenting

Capable of communicating said consent

Capable of taking a human form and maintaining it

If someone else's muse ticks all these boxes as well, then I will be willing to think about shipping with them.

If you have a fucking problem with a human muse being shipped why my legendary muses despite all of this above, then you dont go and harass my ship partners over it, you come and talk to me personally about it, dont be a fucking coward.

My legendary pokemon muses are always always always to be considered people.

I treat them and write them like the greek pantheon of gods.

Like people, flawed, with human intelligence, emotions, and the desire for closeness and intimacy, and if you don't like that, leave.

They are absolutely never animals, and treating them as though they are is fucking disrespectful. Fuck off.

People like you are the reason I had to take years off the rpc prior to returning to tumblr for my mental health. YOU are the harassers. YOU are the abusers. YOU are the guilt trippers. YOU are the puritans. Maybe a reality check is what YOU need. Go touch grass and never bother my rp partners with your bullshit again.

As for everyone else who might just genuinely be uncomfortable for different reasons, and who would like to unfollow: I totally get it. So long as you aren't being a fucking stalker and talking shit behind my back or that of my rp partners, I will absolutely never think bad or lesser of you for unfollowing. All I ask is you hardblock me so I don't refollow thinking tumblr made a mistake and unfollowed by mistake. I'd really appreciate that.

Thank you for everyone who respects me, what I want to write and explore, and my rp partners, and I hope whoever remains will not be uncomfortable with what I write. Should you need anything tagged, never be afraid to ask me privately to tag it. I will always be happy to accomodate in that department.

Thank you and apologies for having to make this post. For any questions, feel free to DM me.

[plotsjotsandespressoshot]

Things I have learned to do and Not Do to live a happier life

I acknowledge that Life has challenges and ups and downs no matter what: Being positive doesn’t mean you think that bad things will happen in your life.  It means that you know that they will, you take steps to avoid them, when you do have them you know that they will pass and let yourself feel the feelings without wallowing for long periods of time.  Bad things happen.  You will be fired from a job, someone you love will die, you will over draft your bank account.  It happens. 

I don’t take on peoples struggles as my own: This is a hard one because a lot of times people see this as not caring. I do care. I care alot. Sometimes I have cared too much and got dragged into bad situations. I am there to support and help my friends but if they are having mental health problems, have suicidal thoughts or other dark thoughts, I am doing us both a disservice by not getting them the professional support that they need.  I am not a therapist and I am not qualified to help the people that I love in that way.  But I will help them find the resources that they need.  That is the kindest thing I can do for both of us. 

I Have physical Hobbies: Making things with your own two hands is so underrated.  I make physical things.  I write on physical paper.  There is a special part of your brain that triggers the effort-driven rewards center in humans.  This means we get chemical satisfaction from making. 

I am not close friends with people I work with: This is something that I meant the hard way.  It can create a lot of cliques at work which always seem to turn out wrong and create animosity when people move on.  I’m civil and kind and once in a while we will hang out but I do set boundaries with the people that I work with. 

I use my interests to build community: Community can be hard! I use my hobbies and craft fairs to meet other people and build a supportive community of people who have simpler passions- not even always the same.  The maker community is great for this because it tends to be people with not exactly the same exact interests but with an abundance of passion for what they do.  Even if it's not the same exact thing, we always find common ground and feel each other's enthusiastic energy. 

I don’t make myself “not have’ Social media- Instead, I curate it: Look, we can unring the bell.  Social media is out there and it is our job to make it work for us.  Even if you can personally if you have a business you need to know how to use social media. I follow things that make me happy and invigorate me- dogs, pottery, fashion, goofy ocean videos, books.  My social media ALWAYS makes me happy because I have designed it that way.   

I journal every day:  At the beginning of the day I make a list of five things, experiences, or feelings I’m grateful for.  This means even when shit it’s the fan or gets hard, I already have those five good things in the back of my mind so I’m not in an overwhelming state of ‘this sucks’. 

I keep a planner:  People who feel rushed or forget things are going on tend to have a really hard time- just something I’ve noticed.  I keep a planner because I like knowing exactly whats going on so I can fir in other things or plan them for latter.  No one feels good when they have forgotten something or feel rushed or late. 

I go out and do things that have nothing to do with work:  When we’re young, we have a built-in system for the most part, to try new things.  As an adult we have to go an look.  You’re job is not your hobby…you rely on it which means there is pressure.  Find things that don’t make you feel pressure.

I touch trees/ grass whatever:  We are part of nature.  We need to be outside whenever we can (And its safe.).

I set firm hard boundaries and accept when people don’t fit into my life: Not everyone is going to like you or your boundaries and honestly, some people think that you are there to take care of them.  Unless you birthed them…you aren’t.  I set boundaries with people, because I have been built by this behavior before and would constantly be trying.  I have NEVER had this go well.  If people repeatedly cross boundaries and you communicate to them, they typically don’t stop. 

I let friendships flow and ebb:  Not everything is meant to last forever and that doesn’t mean its bad or that its any less important in your life.  This applies to jobs, homes and yes even people.  It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or them. Some things last forever, some only last for a season and thats perfectly fine.

I don’t fight to feel younger or older:  I have stopped dying my grey hair.  I have stopped trying to fit into being ‘an adult’ and liking only adult things.  I will not let go of my weird obsession with bugs or anything else.  I embrace my aches and the fact that I will never run as fast as I did when I was 27.  That’s fine. 

I Prioritize eating and sleeping right:  I love eating right and getting my full 8 hours of sleep and am useless without it.  I make sure that this is one of my hard and fast boundaries not only because of my autoimmune disorder but my age and what I know I can handle.  I don’t fall into the insomnia camp unless I’ve already had a lovely long nap that day and I know it.  I make sure that I plan around this, go out to breakfast instead of dinner (Totally fun and totally cheaper) and make sure my friends know I want to be home by 9.   

I exercise every day- even if it's just going for a walk or doing 10 minutes of yoga:  I recently started doing yoga every day along with my normal workouts- just a nice ten-minute slow flow to reset.  It's really life-changing and makes me more aware of what my body needs and wants. 

I mind my manners: Even if I don't like a person, even if my boundaries have been repeatedly crossed, even if I'm attacked for no reason, I don't bite back. I am civil and nice and go my own way. It makes me feel so much better about situations that I don't have control over, which in adult life is a lot of them. You can't control how other people behave, but you can control how YOU behave, and in the end, that leaves you free.

[theprismaticvoid]

Not doing well recently. Every day gradually feels like it gets worse and I've felt like I'm on the verge of another mental health collapse.

It started with out of nowhere seeing people praising a person who was abusive to me out of nowhere and writing off the people trying to hold them accountable as "drama-obsessed terminally online people who need to touch grass", and it's just spiraled from there. Losing friends due to their toxic behaviors and beliefs, seeing someone associated with a comfort series (Xenoblade) express some really bigoted views and end up getting praised for it, just general increasing community toxicity... It's just getting too much to handle.

All of this is just internet stuff, but the internet is all I have. I'm physically disabled, I can't work, I can't drive, I can't go out anywhere, and even if I could, my anxiety is too bad for me to make friends irl. I'm trapped at home all day every day with a family I don't get along with and no hope of ever getting away from it at all. If I don't have the internet, I'm essentially stuck with no social interaction, ever.

Over the past year I've been to five different therapists and none of them have ever been able to help me, not even slightly. I've been on so many different medications and dosages at this point but they can't fix what's wrong with me.

I don't know what to do anymore, I can't deal with this, but I can't do anything to fix it. I look to the future and I just see myself being miserable for the rest of my life until I finally die, and I just can't bring myself to be any more hopeful than that.

[voredere]

other things that Really Do Work:

-yoga. it won't cure your disability, but there's difficulty levels for basically anyone that isn't fully bedbound, and it's a really good low impact relaxing form of exercise that rlly helped improve my CEDS joint pain

-touching grass. no seriously go outside barefoot and just stand on the raw earth for a bit soaking up the sun. trust me. even just taking your laptop outside to doomscroll on the porch can make miles of difference

-faking it. op touches on this but pretending you love yourself attracts new friends like flies and sooner or later you really believe it

-quit making suicide jokes. it's a form of passive ideation and rlly does make your depression worse.

-drinking enough water. did you know being chronically dehydrated can worsen muscle pain issues?

-eating breakfast. i shit you not eating breakfast was such a game changer for both my sleep schedule and my mood

-waking up early. i know the night owl lifestyle is big esp with adhd gang but when you get up early you really do feel like you have all the time in the world.

-good hygiene. this can feel like an insurmountable task if you're disabled but genuinely if you can find some kind of workaround. brush your teeth in the shower. use dry shower foam (it's a no rinse type of cleaning foam) or wipes. wash or wipe down your face. get your hair washed for like $5 at a hole in the wall barber shop. ask a trusted friend or partner to wash your hair for you. whatever you have to do to make it a habit, do it. i promise your mental health will magically become way more manageable when you don't feel filthy.

-trying new things even though it's scary or you aren't sure you're very good at it. novel experiences are a MUST, and the more you do it the more comfortable you'll be. i'm not saying you need to abolish all of your personal boundaries, but venture outside of your comfort zone once in a while! do it scared! test the boundaries of your comfort zone! coming from someone with severe OCD that is now in remission due to ERP therapy, defying your comfort zone and examining and deconstructing your discomfort can be both fulfilling and extremely healthy! you might broaden your perspectives, or meet a new friend, or find a new favourite hobby! even if you don't end up enjoying the activity, you learn more about yourself!

-psychiatric medication. there's still a lot of stigma against medication or people who try one med that doesn't work and give up, or people who had a friend who tried that med and it didn't work for them, people who think their problems aren't bad enough to justify medication etc etc and i need you to know that it's ok to ask your doctor for a different medication if the first line of treatment doesn't work. it can take months or years to find the exact combo and dosage you need, and it can be discouraging and scary, but trust me: when you find the right meds, it's a complete game changer and you'll kick yourself for not trying them sooner.

there's a broad range of needs and abilities out there, and not everyone can or needs to do everything on this non exhaustive list, but if you CAN and haven't already tried it: do it. trust me. you'll be so pissed off but it'll be worth it.

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

[clementinenoah13]

Entitled Opinions Part 2: Doxa

First of all, I am sorry for this late post. I have been struggling a lot mentally since election night, and these readings just hit way too hard during that time period. Anyway, onto the post.

In Part 2 of the book, Alford discusses "how doxa function [or dysfunction] as creative building blocks in digital media ecologies," (77) and also "All doxastic infrastructure helps distribute the formations of bodies learning to practice such motivations as desire," (71). She heavily focuses on how public and popular opinions can have good and bad consequences.

The popular opinion on social media can have its ups, but also its downs. Some people are capable of forming their own thoughts without needing to hear what others think or say, but some people need to, as the kids say, "touch grass" or they're very "chronically online". There are people like this everywhere, who get really hurt as if your opinion being different from theirs will harm them in some way. These people act as building blocks, for their opinions are now a part of the crowd, no matter how much we might want to get away from them. Thus, contributing to the functionality and even the dysfunctionality (if that's even a word lmao) of doxa.

Unfortunately, being a white woman at birth in the south, my extended family is a part of the "chronically online" crowd. You even bring up the name "Biden" or "Harris" and watch them turn red with rage and go on and on about how "they're ruining the government" and "they want to destroy America". They used to be so kind and caring, not caring much about politics. I could bring up my gender or sexuality to them, and they'd still love me. Up until COVID hit, and that's when I noticed a significant change, I even had to delete my old Facebook to preserve my mental health at the time. And, it's not just my family, it's a ton of older people, and even a few of the people I used to call my friends. They are seemingly being forced by like-minded people (at their church, on Facebook, and other places where right-wingers like to stay) into believing in these opinions that are more like conspiracy theories in a way. They are pointing out these "signs" that the world is ending all because abortion is a big, hot topic. When really, abortion is going to happen whether they like it or not. All they can do is stop safe abortion, which will lead to higher rates of death in women and girls. Alford talks about noticing signs and changing your opinions because of that, and how tempting it is to do so. I think it would be best if we all had our opinion that wasn't influenced by outsiders (or insiders in this case, ba dum tsss). Sometimes, I think it would be best to just turn off social media and sit in nature for a long time, not just for my sake, but for the sake of the people I love too.