#faithrainee

[faithrainee]

The way Miguel's one want, one reasoning for essentially--as we as an audience know it-- killing an entire universe was not to have a love interest, not to gain wealth, not to have power, but to have a daughter hurts me so bad. Grown man. Big man, tough, big muscles, highly intelligent. One would assume his one want would be to have a hot wife, a big house, riches, power, etc. But no. He wanted a daughter. He wanted a daughter who would play soccer and want piggy back rides and smash cupcakes in his face and want to be held in his arms and giggle and stick her tongue out at the camera and call him Papá.

[faithrainee]

Jess letting Miguel hold her baby for the first time and Miguel is like **oh** and just starts tearing up.

And Jess asks him what's wrong and he just looks at her and goes, "It's so little.."

"Hey...I can take him if you need a minute..." She says, holding out her arms towards him.

Miguel turns away from her slowly, lifting the bundle up closer to his face, but still keeping the baby far away enough that he isn't breathing on him. He doesn't say anything, but wet tears silently trek down his cheeks.

"Miguel... hey, it's alright," Jess places a hand on his shoulder, pausing for a minute, "You know, he was seven pounds, seven ounces... I thought that was pretty damn lucky of him." She speaks quietly, not wanting to wake the baby.

She glances up at her coworker's face--after Miles, she doesn't call him her boss--, she sees the furrowed brows and flitting pupils, almost searching her infant son's sleeping face for something. She knows of his past, of all the demons in his life and in his head.

"They had to ink his feet twice cause the first time they missed his little toe," she says, moving a bit of blanket away from the infant's cheek, "And when my husband first burped him it was so loud." She chuckles, looking at Miguel again.

Miguel looks at the baby, his hands gentle against the blanket, his thumb brushing the little hat on the newborn's head, his voice thick with emotion, as if his tongue was weighed down by the weight on his shoulders, "I killed my daughter."

Jess pauses, making eye contact with him as much as she can from her position at his side before looking at his hands. The trembles in them, the slight clench of his fingertips to avoid releasing his claws. She reaches a hand out, cupping his hand, her thumb rubbing against his calloused palm, "You did what you thought was right. You tried to prevent that from happening again in the only way you knew how."

The baby stirs in the blanket. Miguel stiffens, "Why do you trust me with him." The statement rings in her ears, less of a question if anything.

"Cause I know that if you had known, you would have done everything you could to prevent your death there... To prevent you from making that mistake and causing the break. And save her."

"I'm... I'm not-"

"You're not a monster, Miguel."

[faithrainee]

If canon turns out to not be the way Miguel thought it was, he sure as hell would intervene in universes all the time. Spiderkid going hungry in a corrupt universe? They are fed, clothed, provided with money to get along for a while until they get a job. He invites spiderlings to the society. He makes an area in the society for them to sleep, they get individual rooms, free of charge. No spider-person goes hungry, they can take food to their own universes and families if need be. Peter C Parker does not end up homeless in NYC, Gwen 2401 doesn't fall and break her neck, if he can be there and save them, he sure as hell does, knowing now that his actions won't impact entire worlds.

So what happens when he can't be everywhere all the time?

TW- loss, grief, cursing?, SH-like behaviors from Miguel.

Miguel scans the orange screen once more, scrolling down the list of names. Some familiar, some he's met before; other's he's seen glimpses of, never having spoken to them.

"LYLA," He says, biting down, his jaw clenched tight with annoyance, "where's Peter 2760? He was supposed to report back to me after his interview."

LYLA pops up by his shoulder, small orange particles dusting around the area with her movements. She pushes her red-rimmed heart glasses up her animated nose, "Checking." She says.

Leaning against the table more, his eyes focused tightly on the screen, Miguel waits, scrolling through more of the never-ending spreadsheet.

Peter Parker (Pete) C7230- 22 years - MIA

Peter A. Parker (Allen) 1999 - 26 years - On watch

Peter Parker (Bee) B270 - 19 years - KIA

Peter Ben Parker (Ben) SS083 - 32 years - SUI

The list went on. Green squares were far and few between the growing collection of red's and yellow's on the sheet. Rarely did he run into a grey, orange was more prominent.

LYLA makes a noise similar to a sigh, though Miguel knows she's simply copying human activity she's seen on the shows she views, "His universe hasn't seen him in four days." She says, looking towards Miguel, "He's...probably-"

Miguel growls, suddenly shoving the chair by his side off of the platform, it landing in a loud metal clank at the bottom of the room. He grabs at his head, his talons gripping the skin, leaving marks that he doesn't pay much attention to, "¡Joder!" His voice echoes in the empty room.

Breathing heavily with LYLA at his shoulder still, he removes his hands from his head, looking at his bloodied talons and wiping them on the thigh of his suit. He swallows thickly, "Mark him as PKIA... For now."

LYLA nods, moving to the screen and scrolling again. The line with the name of the spider turns orange.

Miguel stares at the screen, unblinking. He presses a button on his watch and his other shaky hand slowly opens, his talons gripping at his now-exposed thigh. He doesn't wince, holding the tight grip.

"Miguel, you don't have to-"

"I could have saved him! ¡Sí lo podía si no que I didn't have time! I didn't have enough time to go back after the interview and check on him!" He yells at LYLA, hand scraping at his thigh, ripping cuts into his skin, "Don't tell me what to do, LYLA, no entiendes ésto, nunca lo entenderías..." He mumbles, finally removing his talons from his muscle. Once again he presses his watch, the holographic suit covering the wound.

"No deberías dejarlo así. Se puede infectarse." She says, her voice calm, neutral, considering Miguel's previous tone.

Miguel doesn't respond, pulling up a new screen, this one with an image of a Spider, "And him?"

LYLA pauses, "What about him?" She moves closer to his screen.

"His family?" Miguel replies, his tongue thick in his mouth, his teeth biting at his cheeks.

LYLA pulls up a screen, "A Doc Ock killed them." She says, looking at Miguel, "I think that's enough for tonight. It's late." She turns off the screens and he doesn't protest, hiding his face in his hands.

It's quiet for a moment, no screens running, no soft hum of the electricity powering the lights, now turned off.

"How many..." Miguel starts, his voice quiet, hoarse from yelling, "How many did I let die?"

"You didn't-"

"LYLA."

She pauses, then speaks, "...Today?"

"Today."

She looks at his body, the trembling, the way he rests his elbows on the table, "...Nine."

It's silent, until he stands on his feet again, his mask pulling up to cover his face, "I'm not done, pull up the sheet." He commands her, and she almost flinches.

"Miguel-"

He interrupts again, harsher this time, "Pull. It. Up. Now."

Of course she does.

[faithrainee]

Jimmy has an obsession with orange juice and juicing in general and I think its so silly but also relatable? I remember my parents bought a huge juicer with a pulp separator in it and they were so excited, they were planning on juicing every single day and "getting healthy" with it. We used that juicer three times before giving it away. We see Jimmy using Kim's juicer so many times in the show, even in his new job he tries to get fired by using the juicer and making a big ass mess. What's with the juicer obsession? Specifically the orange juice obsession? He makes or drinks orange juice so often. But we never see him drink apple juice not once.

[faithrainee]

What really would have happened if Peter B hadn't been sent to Miles' dimension? Because as silly and Haha-I'm-Depressed Peter makes his life out to be in his introduction, he really did look like he was at the lowest point in his life. I also think it's interesting that Peter has, from what we see, no job at all. I don't think it's mentioned, though the Wikia's mention the Daily Bugle, I have no memory of that in ITSV.

But regardless of if my memory is right or not, most incarnations of Spider-Man that are meant to be of working age have some sort of job. Usually working at the Daily Bugle, doing a science position, or something else; unless they're being supported by Aunt May or, like the Homecoming Spider-Man, Tony Stark and SHIELD, for the most part.

It's interesting to me that we've never really seen a Spider-Man so depressed as this one, besides Far From Home's Spider-Man, though I feel it's not the same, as Peter in that movie is meant to be younger. Even Far From Home's Tobey and Andrew cameos don't seem to be doing that bad, just tired and melancholic.

I've read some fics discussing how Peter might have ended his own life if the Miles dimension situation hadn't happened to him, and I think that isn't too far-fetched to believe. However, I think an accident would probably be more likely, especially one from his Spiderman duties.

He was out of shape, he admits that, and he didn't really seem to have much to live for, being completely alone with no family at all. He wasn't inspired to talk to MJ by anyone, so she would have likely remarried to someone else after believing he wasn't interested in her anymore from his lack of initiative. People can't wait forever, and maybe she would have thought he wasn't going to change his mind about having children.

I do think his dimension might have had his narrative doomed from the start. I think he would be fighting a villain one day, with everyone surprised he was actually out fighting for once. Maybe he felt a little inspired to go touch grass that day as a civilian and a villain just happened to show up. He's fighting, slowly realizing that damn, this is harder than it used to be.

Maybe he gets thrown and injures his back again, leaving him paralyzed or somewhat disabled. That would likely, down the road, without any intervention from others in his life, leave him completely depressed. Not to mention New York City apartment + medical bills + single man = serious debt. Not sure how long he'd live if that happened, even if he dealt with his disability just fine, he was already hopeless in ITSV.

And the city finds out Spider-Man is just Some Guy. And they mourn that loss, because their hero for 20- hell, 30 something years at that point, was facing the same issues they were and he couldn't take it anymore and none of them knew before it was too late.

Or maybe it's less depressing than that. Maybe he gets crushed by rubble, the city shocked at the loss of their hero. And in revealing him to be some average Joe, they mourn a little, but move on. Someone probably replaces him after that, or the city just has higher crime rates than before.

Maybe he gets beaten to death by the villain, similar to Miles' dimension's Peter. Authorities find him, then, the city might have mixed feelings. He should've been stronger. How could he not have taken down that villain? He used to be at his prime, poor man had it coming. We didn't need him anymore anyways. Etc.

I'd just love to see more takes on Peter's existence without Miles intervention. His Spider-Man is so interesting to me because I feel we don't see a lot of older Spider-Men except in the comics. And we don't see a lot of older men struggling with mental health in media. Period.

[faithrainee]

Misa slaying while Light and L fight:

[faithrainee]

moving some of my collage art from instagram to here for... reasons. anyways this is a collage I did on landing.space a while back for one of me and my friend's ocs.

[faithrainee]

new collage, highly inspired by porter robinson's song "blossom", so much so i named it that on my landing.space which you should check out- what who said that?

[faithrainee]

another one of these, this time for a motherly shared oc of mine and a friend's

[faithrainee]

me drawing a pirate out of a silly image of jon bernthal with a cowboy hat bc im silly