#it’s exhausting for everyone involved and it makes the kid feel simultaneously

[whentherewerebicycles]

reading about gentle parenting makes me feel insane. who has this limitless well of emotional energy to offer to their child. also you know that 99% of that emotional management stuff is going to end up being the mom’s burden to bear

[drabbles-mc]

Delivery

Neron ‘Creeper’ Vargas x F!Reader

Request by Anon: Could you do one where the mayans are in lockdown and you go into labor. I can maybe taza/bishop or letty delivering and baby daddy freaking out and telling the guys not to look. Im not picky about the guy whoever you think fits best.

Warnings: language, mentions of birth and all the stuff that goes along with it I guess? I really didn’t get graphic with it at all, Creeper being a softie

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: Full disclaimer I know nothing about giving birth. Everything I know I’ve learned from TV shows. So, if any of this is inaccurate in any way, that’s why lol. Regardless, hope you guys enjoy the fic! Creeper as a dad gives me all the soft feelings. Also sorry for not posting as much this week--saying it’s been a long fuckin’ week would be the understatement of the century so I haven’t really done much writing at all. Hoping to get through some more requests this weekend though! xo

Mayans Taglist: @garbinge @mayans-sauce @thesandbeneathmytoes @paintballkid711 @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @queenbeered @sillygoose6969 @sesamepancakes @yourwonkywriter @chibsytelford @gemini0410 @multiyfandomgirl40 @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @plentyoffandoms @georgiaaintnopeach @twistnet @themoonandthewicked @bucky-iss-bae​ @encounterthepast​ @rosieposie0624​ @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo​ @mijop​ @xladymacbethx​ @blessedboo​ @holl2712​ @lakamaa12​ @masterlistforimagines​ @kkim120​ @toni9​ @shadow-of-wonder​ @petlaufeyson​ (If you want to be added to my taglist just let me know!)

Going into lockdown at the clubhouse at 39 weeks pregnant hadn’t been on your list of things to do. Truthfully, for the last month or so of your pregnancy you’d stayed away from the clubhouse altogether unless you needed to get something from or for Creeper. He completely supported your decision, too. There was way too much smoke and alcohol and chaos at the clubhouse for you these days. Plus you needed to be somewhere with some kind of air conditioning or you turned into an entirely different person.

To his credit, Creeper did everything he could to keep you comfortable. And the last thing that he wanted to do was tell you that they were going into lockdown. You knew from the second he came home that afternoon that something was off.

“What’s up, baby?” you asked, walking over to him as he stood at the entrance to living room.

He met you halfway, gently caressing your belly before leaning in to kiss you lightly on the lips, “You know I love you, right?”

You leaned back, hands resting on top of your baby-bump, “What’d you do, Neron?”

He held his hands up in surrender, “I didn’t do anything, Mama. I swear.”

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t just tell you that I love you?”

You arched one eyebrow, “Not with that look in your eyes, you can’t.”

He chuckled, loving and hating how well you could read him. He sighed, running his hand back over the smooth skin of his head, “I love you. Promise you’re not gonna be mad at me for what I’m gonna tell you?”

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” you crossed your arms, waiting for the hammer to drop.

He didn’t want to meet your eyes as he said it, but somehow he managed to, “I gotta take you to the clubhouse.”

Your eyes narrowed, “Why?”

There was a long stretch of silence, “Lockdown.”

“You’re kidding me. You’re joking, right?”

“I’m not. I’m sorry, baby,” he reached and took your hands in his own, “You know I wouldn’t ask you to do this if I didn’t think you needed to.”

You sighed, watching his hands as he traced his thumb along your knuckles, “Shit’s getting that bad?”

He gave one slow nod, “Just tryin’ to keep everyone safe.”

Pressing your lips together into a thin line, you nodded. You knew that at the end of the day, he had minimal say in decisions like these. And, he was right, he wouldn’t ask this of you if he didn’t think it was necessary. That didn’t make you want to do it, though.

“Alright. Let me pack a bag.”

He shook his head, “I got you, baby. Just get your purse and shit. I got the rest.”

You chuckled, “I can pack my own clothes, Neron. I’m pregnant but I’m still capable.”

He insisted that you let him, trying to make up for the fact that you were in the position of having to leave because of him in the first place. You let him have that, standing back as he collected things to pack for you. You were impressed that he knew all of your favorite pieces of clothing, things that were actually still comfortable for you at this stage in your pregnancy. He didn’t say much as he got everything together for you.

“Grab the hospital bag, too, baby,” you said as you leaned against the doorframe.

“Yea?” his eyes grew wide.

You nodded, “Yea. You know how long we’ll be in lockdown for? ‘Cause this little one is ready to pop,” you gestured to your stomach.

“Shit. You’re right.”

You laughed, “Usually, yea.”

He refused to let you carry any of the bags to the car. You knew that he wouldn’t let you, but you still offered to. He opened the passenger side door and helped you step up into the car. You leaned back in the seat, taking a deep breath as you tried to mentally prepare for what the next few days were going to be like. The guys would do anything for you. That was always the case, but ever since you became pregnant, all of them had been extra attentive when given the opportunity. You often wondered if Creeper had anything to do with it.

When Creeper parked in front of the clubhouse, you saw a lot of familiar faces. You saw the guys, of course, but you also saw everyone’s family members that you didn’t get to see all that often. Most of them kept their families separate from the MC and you couldn’t blame them for it. But during times like this, everyone came together.

Creeper had all the bags slung over his arms and shoulders as he ran to open the car door for you. You chuckled as he held out a hand to help you out. How he managed to not tip himself over was a mystery to you. He directed you over to Bishop before scampering off to get his dorm set up and as comfortable as it would get for you.

You looked at Bishop, both of you had tired smiles on your faces. You were each exhausted for very different reasons, but there was still that level of sympathy there. He leaned in and kissed you on the cheek and you did your best to give him a hug.

“So, Neron tells me that you’re the one I’m supposed to be mad at about this?” you laughed as you gestured to the clubhouse.

Bishop laughed, nodding, “Afraid so. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know this isn’t where you wanna be right now.”

“No, it’s not,” you chuckled, gently rubbing your hands on your stomach, “But it’ll be alright.”

“Anything you need, you let us know.”

You nodded, “I will. Thank you, Bishop.”

He shook his head, “Thank you. I can’t imagine how tough this is.”

“We’re tough,” you gently patted your stomach.

He smiled, “You guys ever find out what you’re having?”

You shook your head, “Nope. Keeping it a surprise.”

He took your hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it, “You’re truly amazing.”

Bishop offered to walk with you back to the dorms and you let him, hoping that you would get a few crumbs of information about what was going on. Creeper didn’t tell you too much these days for fear of stressing you out and negatively affecting the baby. You appreciated his concern but not knowing occasionally drove you nuts. But Bishop was keeping a tight lip as well. You asked a couple questions and he skillfully dodged them. That was when you knew for a fact that Creeper had said something to the guys. The man really did try to think of everything.

Just as you were about to walk up to the door, someone cleared their throat behind you, “Excuse me.”

You and Bishop both turned, your eyes growing wider when you saw Chucky walking by, air conditioning unit wrapped up in his arms.

“My apologies, Y/N,” he said as he brushed past you as carefully as possible, “but this is for you so I hope you’ll forgive me barging through.”

You chuckled, shaking your head, “You’re fine, Chucky. No need to apologize,” you paused as you followed him back into the room, “Where…where did the AC unit come from?”

“The office,” he replied as he and Creeper started getting it set up in the window.

“Chucky,” you shook your head, “I can’t take that from you. You’ll melt out there without having it all day.”

He and Creeper both turned around and simultaneously shook their heads. Chucky spoke up, his tone genuine as ever, “The two of you need it much more than I do.”

You smiled, resting your hand on your stomach, “Thank you. I…I really appreciate it.”

Once the air conditioner was all set up, Bishop and Chucky disappeared out of the room and left you and Creeper by yourselves. You sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh, glad to be back off of your feet for a little bit. Creeper came and sat down next to you, gently rubbing your back. He pressed a soft kiss to the side of your head as you leaned against him. It was hot, and you were uncomfortable, and truthfully the clubhouse was the last place you wanted to be. But he was trying so hard to make it as nice for you as he possibly could, and you couldn’t fault him for that.

“Thank you, baby,” you reached and rested your hand on his knee, “for doing all of this.”

“Anything else you need?”

You shook your head, “Just for you guys to get your business sorted,” you laughed, “But really, Neron, I’m fine. Thank you.”

He stayed with you for a little while, helping you finish unpacking everything. Despite the chaos, you always felt safe with him. Even when things were falling apart, he always made you feel like he had it all together, and that was the kind of stability that you needed. He’d been your rock throughout your whole relationship, but even more so since you became pregnant. He stepped up to the plate in ways that you wouldn’t have ever even imagined. You hadn’t really known what to expect because of his involvement with the club, but he reprioritized immediately. And no one in the club was brave enough to try and stand in his way about it.

A couple days went by and you were much more comfortable than you thought you were going to be. It wasn’t quite like being at home, but you could only expect so much. All things being considered, things were going smoothly. Letty was by your side almost constantly and you had to admit that it was nice to have another woman around in the midst of so much testosterone.

You were trying to find a comfortable position to sit in on the couch in the clubhouse. Nothing really felt comfortable at this point but you still tried. You were ready for lockdown, and your pregnancy, to be finished. You just wanted to be able to hold your baby in the comfort of your own home.

Letty saw you struggling and brought you a glass of ice water, knowing there wasn’t a whole lot else that she could really do for you. You appreciated the gesture, though, and it did help a little just to hold the cold glass in your hands. You were about to thank her when a sharp pain shot through you, catching you off-guard and causing you to drop the glass. It shattered on the ground as you groaned in pain, pressing your hand to your side.

“Fuck,” you tried to take a deep breath but it was hard to breathe through the sudden surge of pain.

“Shit, you okay?” Letty was crouched down by your side in an instant, trying not to step on the broken glass that littered the floor.

“Um, yea. I’m…I’m alright,” you took a steady breath.

“Uh…Y/N?” her eyes grew wide, “Do you…do you want me to call Creep?”

The shooting pain that went through you had temporarily distracted you from the fact that your water broke. You saw the look on Letty’s face, though, and it brought you back to reality. That’s when the anxiety really started to rush through you.

“Are they even here?” you hadn’t seen any of the men in a couple hours, and you had no idea where they had gone off to.

“I’ll go get Chucky and ask,” she stood up.

You grabbed her hand before she could leave, “No! Fuck, sorry just…send someone else. I can’t be here alone.”

“Shit, shit,” she looked around and spotted the newest prospect, “Steve! Go find Chucky or one of the guys. Get them in here now.”

With a nod he took off on his mission, barreling through the front door. Letty crouched back down next to you, trying to find the right things to say to help keep you as calm as possible. You appreciated her efforts but all you could think about was the fact that you might be delivering this baby essentially alone if none of the guys were around or close to being back. Another shot of pain went through you and you cursed, squeezing hard onto Letty’s hand. She cringed but didn’t say anything, trying to be whatever it was that you needed.

Hardly a minute later, the door to the clubhouse swung open and an entire entourage came charging in. Creeper led the pack, practically sprinting over to you. The fact that most of the guys still had on their sunglasses and had helmets dangling from their hands clued you into the fact that they must’ve just gotten back from wherever they had been.

“Are you okay?” he tried to nicely but quickly take Letty’s space by your side, “What do you need? What can I do?”

“I need a fucking hospital,” you grit your teeth through the pain of your next contraction.

“I think it might be too late for that, Y/N,” Bishop said with a slight shake of his head, clearly not thrilled about having to give you that piece of news.

“What?” you and Creeper responded in unison.

“I think you can either give birth here, or in the car on the way to the hospital,” he sounded calm but his brain was racing at a mile a minute, “But I don’t think that baby is gonna wait for the whole commute. The hospital isn’t exactly close.”

“Fuck,” you leaned your head back, nails digging into Creeper’s arm for a moment as you tried to breathe your way through another contraction. You looked over at Bishop, “You sound like you know what you’re talking about, Bishop.”

“I mean, I’ve always had the easy part of things. I just had to stand there and be encouraging.”

“Well,” you waited for his eyes to meet yours, “congrats. You’ve been promoted from presidente to doctor.”

His heart dropped into his stomach and he immediately shook his head, “Y/N, I don’t think—”

“Bishop. It wasn’t a suggestion. You’re the only one who has been through this in present company. Time to step the fuck up,” you impressed yourself with how confident you sounded, because on the inside you felt like you were falling apart, “Plus,” you managed what you could of a laugh, “It’s your clubhouse.”

He was nodding but you could see it in his eyes that he was trying to get a million different thoughts in order. He looked around, trying to figure out what he needed and what had to be moved around and changed in order to get this done. People used to do this with nothing, surely they could all figure it out.

At some point the switch in his brain flipped and he started directing people, the authority shining through in his voice as he sent people off on their miniature missions. He helped you move to the other sofa, leaving the shattered glass behind. There were a million different feelings coursing through you as you watched the clubhouse get turned into a makeshift delivery room. Creeper didn’t leave your side, letting you come close to breaking his hand each time another contraction hit. Through every one he kept his voice calm and level, and if you hadn’t been so overwhelmed you would’ve made a point to thank him. That was the farthest thing from your mind, though.

Neither of you explicitly said anything, but at one point you and Bishop looked at each other and simultaneously recognized that the two of you were going to be a whole different kind of close once this was all over with. You trusted Bishop with your life, like you did with everyone in the MC, but this was going to be a whole new level.

“Hey!” Creeper shouted over the hustle and bustle of the clubhouse, “If you’re not Bishop, or Y/N, get the fuck out.”

You choked out a laugh at the bluntness of his statement. You couldn’t pretend that you weren’t relieved by it though—the last thing you wanted was an audience for this. Once everyone began filing out, he returned his attention to you, gently wiping the sweat off of your forehead.

“You’re doing great, baby,” he nodded encouragingly, “I love you.”

Everything fell away into an extremely painful and exhausting blur. Time meant nothing to you as the three of you got through the whole ordeal together. Each of you was in uncharted territory.  The two of them hid their nerves and uncertainty well, knowing that you had enough to worry about without them adding to the stress.

Bishop took a deep breath as he looked at you. He tried desperately to remember what it was like to be in the delivery room all those years ago, trying to channel the reassurance that the doctors emitted despite the fact that he was wildly unqualified, “Y/N, it’s time to push.”

You were already exhausted, sweating and crying and in pain. The thought of getting through this last stretch almost felt like too much. But when you felt Creeper bracing his hand against your back, his other hand gripping yours tight, you got the slightest bit of a second wind.

Truthfully, you almost blacked out from the pain. At one point you were certain that you broke Creeper’s entire hand and that he wouldn’t be able to ride again from the damage done. Somehow, miraculously, Bishop managed to keep his composure throughout the entire thing. Going through this with you felt like it was much higher stakes than anything he had ever done with the MC. The amount of adrenaline in his system was unreal and he had no idea how he was able to keep his hands steady. Both his and Creeper’s voices sounded extra soothing and reassuring. Focusing on that and your breathing were the only things keeping you tethered to reality as your body became overwhelmed with everything that was happening to it.

You groaned in pain, tears streaming down your face as you locked your fingers around Creeper’s hand, giving one last push. You collapsed backwards, unable to stop your crying as you tried and failed to catch your breath. There wasn’t a single coherent thought in your head as your mind and body tried to sort out everything that it was going through.

Everything else immediately faded away when you heard the sound of your baby crying for the first time. You sat upright, fresh tears in your eyes as you looked at Bishop and the baby. This time, Creeper was the one giving your hand a squeeze.

Bishop carefully wrapped the baby in a blanket and walked towards you, there was a smile on his face, “She’s beautiful.”

A sob slipped past your lips as you held out your arms to take her, a smile taking over your entire face as Bishop gently handed her over to you. You looked at her, unable to believe that you really did it. Glancing over at Creeper, you saw the tears in his eyes as well. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, reaching out to gently rest her tiny little hand on top of his.

“I’ll give you guys a minute,” he gave Creeper’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze as he walked to leave the clubhouse.

It was just the three of you in the silence of the empty clubhouse. You sniffled, tears still staining your face as you smiled down at your baby. You looked over at your husband, “You wanna hold her?”

It was the first time that he looked up at you, the first time he was able to pry his eyes off of his daughter, “Yea, yea,” his voice was soft and you could tell that he was trying to keep his emotions in check.

You carefully handed her over to him and you could see his entire demeanor shift as he held her. From the second he cradled her in his arms he was an entirely different man. He was whispering things to her that not even you could hear. You rested one hand on his shoulder, shifting your gaze back and forth between him and your daughter.

“We did it, Neron,” your voice was quiet, a little hoarse, “We did it.”

He looked up at you, a smile on his face, “You did it, Mama,” he leaned over and gave you a quick, light kiss on the lips, “You did so good.”

“How’s your hand?” you smiled.

He chuckled, returning his gaze to the baby, “I’ll live,” he glanced up at you, “Not bad for a lockdown delivery, huh?”

You shook your head, “Not bad. Might have to keep Bish on the hook for the next one.”

His eyes lit up, “Next one?”

You leaned against him, “Yea,” you gazed at your daughter, reaching over to trace your thumb lightly along her cheek, “Think your hand can survive another delivery?”

“Anything for you,” he turned his head and pressed a kiss to the side of your head, “I love you.”

You smiled, unable to take your eyes off of the baby, “I love you too.”

[17caratssi]

Wonwoo! Will you stay

Jeon Wonwoo! A short series pt one | two | three | four

Lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub! It was so close AHHH! That was a bold move! I can't believe he didn't throw me off!!

You're over the moon for the rest of the day. You have been under the weather for some days, and your parents are worried about it. Seeing you like this, they feel at ease.

You begin to anticipate tomorrow. Will your relationship with Wonwoo turn for the better? This is what makes school exciting!

However, Wonwoo feigns ignorance whenever you try to have a conversation with him. It goes on for another two days, and he still has nothing to say to you.

Not to mention, Somi and Umji also avoid talking about him during the break. They never answer your questions regarding Wonwoo, and it put you into a dispiriting mood again.

In the aftermath, you lose concentration during the computer class. In fact, your head is full of him. Your two best friends give you hints about Wonwoo's matter, but they're just superficial.

My mind is a mess.

After the class, you block Wonwoo's seatmate's path and begin questioning- more like interrogating.

"Tell me, is there any problem Wonwoo is having these days?"

Kihyun averts from your scrutiny. He refuses to talk.

"Come on, tell me," you persuade him into confessing. As a seatmate, he must know a tiny bit about Wonwoo. "I won't tell him that it's you who said to me. Sounds good?"

"He's not stupid,"

That's very true. Hmm...

"I will bear the responsibility. Just spill it," you convince him. This time, you're sure you'll get to the matter.

Kihyun sighs.

"A few third-year students have been picking up fights with him. I think Wonwoo was triggered by something they said. By the way, I remind you of a thing,"

"You shouldn't be near to him. You know that he's a scholarship boy, right? There's an unspoken rule here in Sejong High..."

That's your wake-up call. No wonder Wonwoo calls you 'stuck-up rich kid', and now you realize that you might've looked down on him, unintentionally.

He was right. I'm a stuck-up rich kid with no shame.

Although Kihyun tells you all that, you're still on the surface. What has possibly put him off at that time? You want to know more.

As you walk to the cafeteria, Somi and Umji are busy talking about the former's boyfriend.

"My boyfriend's birthday is coming but I don't know what to give him," Somi sounds helpless as she snakes her arms around yours and Umji's.

You don't put your focus on her, so you don't reply.

Umji thinks for a while before sharing her idea. "Your boyfriend is rich enough to buy everything so what if you bake him something? That'd be rather special- at least for me,"

They never stop afterwards. It amuses you that the two has yet to have their topics exhausted. They keep going on!

After getting the snack, the three of you is about to return to class but is stopped by the crowd. They run toward the field.

"The new kid is fighting with a senior!"

"Damn, he's got gut!"

Somi and Umji simultaneously peek at your expression. "Wonwoo? Hey Y/N! Oh my god, don't tell me-"

"Wait for us, Y/N!"

Half of the first-year students watch the fray. Some are cheering for the guy senior, and you panic.

Your imagination runs wild. As much as you hate seeing a fight erupts, you hope Wonwoo isn't the one receiving the senior's blow!

Your small frame slips easily through the throng, and the situation shocks you.

Umji manages to catch you while Somi's being pulled away by her boyfriend. "We better go now!" she gives you a quick pull but you're not moving an inch. She frantically observes the situation and heaves a sigh at the sight of the security.

"WHAT ALL OF YOU DOING HERE?" The security runs faster to the crowd and breaks off the fight. Wonwoo huffs and puffs; showing his dissatisfaction toward the guy he had punched.

The senior has a gang; they help him up. Wonwoo is the one left unattended since he's alone. You watch him from the side and is on the horns of a dilemma.

You know it's no good if you go help Wonwoo now with all the attention directed to him.

Out of the blue, one of the seniors speaks up. "Apologize to Juwon and we'll act nothing happened just now," It's obvious he's intended to embarrass Wonwoo in front of many students.

He smirks when his words hit the target. Mutterings are loud in the air as the audiences express their opinions.

"Wonwoo, don't apologize!" you yell. Your voice was loud enough for the circle to pay heed to you. You cower as a response and Umji slaps your arm.

The senior snickers and voices out again."Boy, you better give in to him. His father is a person you couldn't afford to offend,"

Juwon slouches against his friend and finally says something at his friends. "If he doesn't want to admit defeat, we can take this matter to the teachers. Let's see if this parasite can win against me," he sneers.

The involved parties are eventually called to the office. You insist to accompany Wonwoo and he has nothing to say about it.

"I'm on your side, Wonwoo! Don't be scared of them. If anything happens, I'll protect you!" your fingers clench and you look up to Wonwoo who's quiet since the row had ended. Little did you know, he takes a quick glance right after you turn your head.

'Just what this meek creature can do...'

-

The time in the office feels tedious. Wonwoo hates the rich kids that are only good at blabbering and settle everything with their parent's standings.

"I won't call my parents just for this trivial matter but I have one condition,"

The teachers think the senior makes a great deal with Wonwoo, and since they don't want to be visited by the superior parents they push him to seize the offer.

You and Wonwoo leave the place as soon as they agreed with the deal. Wonwoo remains silent.

"They're so childish! That's more like punishment," you huff with your arms crossed. You can't believe the senior wants Wonwoo to be the ball boy for the basketball club.

"Why do you like to intervene?"

"Huh?" you stutter. This is the first time you get to hear his voice today.

"To be honest, I don't know,' you shrug. Your body and mind seem to be unallied when it comes to him. Even the latter warns you to not get entangled with other's business, the former just ignores and go with it.

"By the way, don't you think the senior is more stuck-up than me?" You ask excitedly as you lean to him and wait for his response. You want to change the impression he has about you.

Wonwoo takes in the view in front of him as he faces your question. Surprisingly, he feels less irritated by it.

He slows down his walking pace as he takes notice of yours. Wonwoo holds his hands at his back and fakes a thought.

After enjoying the hopefulness in your eyes, he gives the answer. "It seems like it," he says.

Due to the revelation from Wonwoo himself, you cover your mouth in excitement. Wonwoo watches as you turn tomato from his word and walks ahead.

In a hurry, you ask. "So you'll naturally sign up with the basketball club?" He raises his shoulder slightly and then nods.

Your heart soars louder and unintentionally, it echoes across the hallway. "Got it! I'm coming too!"

Since then, your life has revolved around Wonwoo. Occasionally, he would ask for personal spaces, and even though his changes are almost negligible, you don't mind.

Being around him the whole day is fun. You get to know his habits, his favourite food and drink, or basically all about him. Not, you do seem like an ordinary girl chasing after a guy.

Wonwoo, on the other hand, feels like he has a friend. He ghosts you daily, but your presence fills a spot next to him.

The two of you get accepted into the basketball club. Every Tuesday, Wonwoo will stay at school for two hours to be the ball boy. Not that everyone tries to be silent about it, but there's this girl who keeps waiting for the guy.

She's pretty, and her hair compliments her exquisite, doll-like features.

She never pays attention to other guys as if her eyes are glued to the ball boy. The green-eyed seniors want to embarrass Wonwoo even more because of that.

"Hey ball boy, the bottles are empty. Refill them!" the senior who took Wonwo's punches shouts. You quickly get up and help Wonwoo. "Let me help!"

Wonwoo lets you take 2 bottles as he carries the other 6. "Go home after we go back,"

"Why? I want to stay with you,"

Wonwoo has no idea whether you intended to flirt with him or casually announced that, but surely, he is flustered.

He regains composure and gives a response.

"What a dimwit," the seniors are gawking at you, and you overlook that?

He wishes he could deliver that very sentence, but he may sound jealous. Well, I'm not.

"I'm here to protect you, didn't I say that before? So, stop pushing me away cuz I won't leave you."

You don't realize that your attendance by Wonwoo's side just creates another problem for him. His workload increases by tenfold due to the green-eyed seniors.

Once the game is over, Wonwoo fulfils his duty and cleans the court. In the meantime, you listen to songs on the bench.

Wonwoo has done a lot of work and this is one nothing to him. He finishes just when everyone exits the place. He thinks that you might have returned home. You aren't there when he checks out the place you've been sitting at.

Only when he walks out the hall that he accidentally eavesdrops on the conversation between you and the seniors.

He could guess the topic and he looks at the corner. If he steps just a bit forward, they will see him. And he does that.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he then presents himself.

"Just say no if you don't want to be his girlfriend. Don't waste your time,"

Enlightened, you turn the senior down and run to Wonwoo. You complain at how bad his proposal was and Wonwoo chuckles.

"What do you do at the weekend?" as you wait for your chauffeur, you build a conversation with him.

Wonwoo isn't a person to be so friendly with someone. He thinks for a while as he contemplates to answer the question.

"Study in the library,"

Wonwoo is a smart student, and his answer doesn't come off as a surprise to you. "I've never been to a library before. I meant in this area but which one do you frequent?"

There are only two libraries in the area, and Wonwoo has only been to the small one since it's closer.

"Ooh, OK then." swiftly, you take a note of it. Just right after that, you see your family car drifts into the parking lot. "Oh! My car's here. I have to go now." you wave at him in a distance and shout. "Don't stay too long under the sunlight! Bye-bye!" then you disappear into the car.

When you arrive at the library on Saturday, you quickly scan the area for him. Lucky you the place is just up to your energy to find him.

You stride from one isle to another. It's probably the physics section when you find a familiar back.

"Hey," you whisper from the back. Wonwoo is so immersed in his reading and you bet he wouldn't have noticed you if you hadn't appeared before him after that call.

With a cheeky smile, you say. "Let's go out,"

He examines the surroundings and realizes that you come alone. "What are you doing here?" his volume is practically below scolding to avoid making a fuss in the quiet place.

"You ask too much! Come on," You jog to his side and help him pack his stuff.

"I only ask once, and I did not agree to you,"

Not bringing too many necessities, you wind up less than a minute. "Shh... Just come with me, will you?"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

If you like this story, you might as well check out the others here !

[emwritesfootball]

I Want You | Dominic Calvert-Lewin

Word Count: 2,051

A/N: Yet another piece for @footballffbarbiex's On The Big Screen Challenge. Since I'm on the midseason finale of the episode of Grey's Anatomy that this is based off of, I figured I'd post this now. This is based off of Jackson and April, the scenes from the season 9 finale and season 10 episode 12, altered for the football world. I've had this sitting in my Docs since 1 January lmao. Enjoy xx

- - -

The gasp of the crowd of almost 40,000 at Goodison Park was simultaneous in the 38th minute when Dom was taken down by the opposition’s defense right as he was about to score. The tackle had been brutal and uncalled for, earning the centreback a straight red card from the referee while Dom stayed on the ground.

As if sensing catastrophe the medics and physio were on the pitch almost immediately. You held your breath, one hand clutching the fabric of the Everton jersey you wore while your other squeezed Lucas Digne’s hand. Your boyfriend tried to soothe you as best he could, but you were distraught. Dom was clearly in pain and clearly injured, and you couldn’t do a damn thing but watch him get carried off on a stretcher.

“I have to go to him,” you muttered, but Lucas stopped you.

“He’ll be fine, Chérie,” Lucas said, his voice low as his thumb rubbed circles over the back of your hand. “You know we’ve got the best medical team - they’re gonna take real good care of Dom, okay?”

“Mmhmm.” You nodded, biting down on your bottom lip to quell your unspoken fears.

Your mind was reeling as Richarlison took Dom’s place on the pitch, your stomach sick with nervousness for Dom. When you’d first started playing for the women’s team, Dominic had been your sidekick; he’d shown you around the stadium as well as the surrounding city. It hadn’t been long before you were falling for him, the two of you hooking up after an intense friendly between the men’s and women’s teams.

Over time, you’d started to fall for him, your friends-with-benefits relationship no longer enough for your heart. It had all gone wrong after a pregnancy scare - Dom telling you he was all in and saying he’d marry you and the two of you would raise the kid together. When you’d found out you weren’t pregnant and told him that he no longer had to worry about getting married, Dom had ended things then and there, both of you hurt for different reasons.

Soon after, he started “dating” (sleeping with) one of the physios. You hadn’t had any intention of getting involved with his teammate, but Lucas had come into your life as a friend while you’d been with Dom and things progressed after your break up. Now, you were engaged to Lucas, with a wedding coming up in less than six months - after an incredibly public proposal that you couldn’t say no to - but there was a part of your heart that still yearned for Dom.

The second Lucas let go of your hand, you were up out of your seat, flashing your pass as you raced through the tunnels at Goodison Park until you finally managed to locate Dom. The ambulance was silent while its lights flashed and you knew you didn’t have much time. Emergency personnel were loading him onto the ambulance and you were reacting within seconds.

“DOMINIC!” you shouted, panic racing through you. His name felt foreign on your tongue - you tried not to utter it if you could help it - but in that moment, it was all you had.

“Miss, you’re going to have to stand back,” one of the EMTs said, putting his hands on your shoulders.

The tears started to fall right then and you couldn’t stop them. “I...I need to see him. He’s my husband!” You stammered out the words in-between sobs, barely aware when the medic let you go and you rushed into the ambulance, the door slamming behind you as it lurched forward and started to race to the nearest hospital. You tried your best to stay out of the way while the medics worked, fighting back tears with every concerned look or sentence they shared with each other. Dom looked out of it and you hoped he’d been put on some painkillers, especially with the state of his arm. You hoped and prayed that his arm would be the worst of it, but you couldn’t be sure. You took his good hand in both of yours, pressing a kiss to the back of it as you whispered, “It’s okay, bubs. I’m here.”

***

People didn’t start arriving until almost two hours later, Dom’s girlfriend included. You didn’t know how many tears you’d cried in that timespan, your body physically exhausted from the day’s events. Lucas immediately found you in the waiting area, pulling you into a hug. “I was so worried about you, Chérie,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“S-Sorry,” you stuttered, feeling a new wave of tears coming on. “I just...I panicked and managed to convince them to let me ride in the ambulance with Dom and I…”

“It’s okay,” Lucas said, taking your face in his hands. “I’m glad Dom had you by his side.” Of course Lucas knew about your history with Dom but you’d always reassured him that he was the one you wanted and not Dom. Now, you weren’t so sure.

You snuck into Dom’s room right before visiting hours were set to end for the night. Lucas was waiting for you in the car park, warming up the car. A part of you felt guilty for what you were about to do, but after today you couldn’t stay silent.

Relief flooded you when you saw him sitting upright on the hospital bed, shirtless, his arm in a sling. The relief quickly faded, however, and all the other emotions you’d bottled up for the last six hours came bubbling up.

“What the hell, Dom?!” You screamed, rushing toward him. Tears were falling hard and fast as you shoved him, the nurse in the room who was checking his vitals came rushing over to stand between the two of you. “You could’ve died!” Sure, it was a little over-dramatic, but you had honestly thought you were going to lose him in the moment when he’d been down for over five minutes on the pitch.

The nurse calmed you down, not wanting to cause a scene. You didn’t either, but your emotions were so heightened it was almost like you were back in the ambulance scared out of your mind. “I’m fine, I swear,” you said, reassuring her when your breathing had slowed and you were starting to think properly.

“Okay,” she said, nodding and making her way towards the door. She turned to Dom, saying, “I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

Dom gave her a grateful smile, turning his attention to you. “Don’t,” he said, his voice weary. “Whatever it is that’s buggin’ you, just keep it to yourself, alright?”

You froze, staring at him. Your mind was racing again and you were so consumed with flashbacks of him lying motionless on the pitch that you couldn't speak for a few moments. Dom stared back, lost. He vaguely remembered your presence in the back of the ambulance but up until this moment, he had been so sure that he’d just dreamed you up, the painkillers playing tricks on his mind.

You took a deep breath, needing all the air you could get in order to say what you wanted to say. “I want you...Dominic.” His name was barely a whisper on your lips, but Dom heard you as if you’d screamed it from the rooftops. You ran a hand through your hair, your voice breaking as you repeated the phrase. “I want you.” Your voice wavered on the last word and Dom wasn’t sure what he was going to do.

He said your name, disbelief colouring his tone, but you cut him off.

“I haven’t been fair to you, I know,” you began, stepping towards him until you were standing at the end of his hospital bed, “And I’ve-I’ve really hurt you-”

“You’re getting married,” Dominic said slowly, unsure if he was trying to convince you or himself of the reality the two of you were facing.

It was like you hadn’t heard him. “When I saw you lying there on the pitch after that collision and I thought you were gone, I-”

“You’re getting married.” He said it again, this time with more conviction.

You dried your tears, your resolve returning. When you spoke next, your words shocked both of you. “Unless you can give me a reason not to.”

Dom stared at you, unable to say anything. He internally weighed his options. A few months ago, getting married to you was all he could think about - now, he wasn’t so sure. The two of you had been through unbelievable hurdles in your relationship, but you were engaged to another man who also happened to be one of Dom’s teammates and Dom knew he couldn’t stand by and fuck up the team dynamic or your relationship with Lucas.

***

Ultimately, he’d said nothing that night and the two of you hadn’t spoken about it since. You continued planning your wedding to Lucas while maintaining a stilted version of a friendship with Dom, which was how Dom had ended up in the congregation at your wedding.

“Give them the strength to commit their love to one another. Unshakeable through any storm; unbreakable in the face of any stress; a promise we simply refuse to break.” The pastor spoke, but Dominic barely heard any of it, except when he said, “And you, YN and Lucas’s closest friends and family, are here today to bear witness to their union. Will you promise to love and support their marriage in all the days to come? If so, please respond ‘we will’.”

Everyone responded, a chorus of “We will,” filling the quaint chapel.

Dominic didn't know what to do. He was acutely aware of his physio girlfriend by his side, but even more so aware of the fact that if he didn’t do something right now, he would lose you to his teammate forever. In that moment, nothing else mattered but his love for you and the love that he knew that you had for him.

The pastor continued to speak, but Dom heard nothing. He leaned in to his girlfriend, unsure what to say. “I, uh-” he started, pausing.

“What?” She asked, looking at him with curiosity that quickly turned into understanding.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m happy to be here today to be able to do this for you. I-” The pastor paused mid-sentence as Dominic stood up, drawing the attention of everyone in the room.

You and Lucas were holding hands, your backs still to him. Finally, both of you turned to look at the commotion, shock written all over your face as your gaze connected with Dom’s. He flushed, giving the room a nervous smile before sitting back down.

The pastor chuckled nervously and for a brief moment, Dom wondered if he’d ever had anyone stop a wedding before. “YN and Lucas, I have known the two of you for quite some time and I’m happy to be here today-” he started again, and that’s when Dom knew he had to say something.

Dom took a deep breath, his mind made up.

“I love you,” he said, his voice deep and sure as he stood up for the second time. “I always have.”

You stared back at him, your eyes wide. If you were being honest, a part of you had dreamed about a moment like this - Dominic standing up and professing his love for you - but you hadn’t been prepared for it to actually happen.

Dom continued, “I love everything about you. Even the things I don’t like, I love.” You could feel Lucas fuming next to you. “And I want you with me.” Everyone was looking around in disbelief, but it was like nobody else existed but you and Dom in this moment. “I love you and I think that you love me, too.” He paused, his voice wavering. “Do you?”

You could feel Lucas’s eyes on you; your family’s, too, but there was only one person in the world you wanted right now and it wasn’t the man at the altar next to you.

“I do,” you said, your gaze fixed on Dom. “I do,” you repeated, stepping down off the altar and running towards the man who had been your whole world for longer than you cared to admit.

[slowly-writing]

Hometown

Jennifer Jareau x Reader

Word count: 2.1K

Requested by anon: hey! Can you do a JJ x reader where the BAU works a case where the reader has to go to her hometown and it brings up some difficult things for her but JJ helps her through it?

Warnings: mentions of canon typical violence and a crappy family

“Three women have been found dead in their homes in the last week. Each time the unsub has left an elaborate harddrive at the scene. The locals have been unable to get into them and have requested our help,” Hotch starts the briefing. Everyone looks down at the case files in front of them. You’re all saddened at the brutality of the crimes, but your sharp intake of breath draws all eyes to you.

“You good, y/l/n? It’s bad, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before,” Morgan says and you shake your head.

“I’m fine,” you snap, and that only confuses them further.

“Obviously you’re not. What’s going on?” Penelope asks and you grit your teeth.

“I said I’m fine Garcia. Just drop it!” There’s a moment of tense silence as everyone tries to process the situation before Hotch continues the briefing. As everyone looks back to the screen JJ grabs your hand under the table. She knows what’s going on, she saw it in the file too. You’re going back to your hometown, and it’s not going to be a nice reunion.

Hotch dismisses the briefing not long after and you dash from the room. Everyone looks to JJ, waiting for her to explain your behavior.

“Spill,” Morgan says and her jaw drops.

“Spill what? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she tries to blow it off and is met with several simultaneous eye rolls.

“Spill what’s got your girl all riled up. She’s never snapped like that before. Especially not at me,” Garcia states, crossing her arms and pouting slightly and JJ sighs.

“I know, and I know she’s gonna be beating herself up for it. Just, please be gentle,” she knows how upset you’re gonna be with yourself for taking your frustrations out on your team, and she hopes they won’t hold it against you.

“We’re gonna forgive her. We just wanna know what’s going on,” Rossi tells her.

“The case is in her hometown. She’s got some…not so great memories there. I don’t think she’s quite ready to relive them just yet,” the team all nods in understanding. “But it’s coming one way or the other. Come on, I’m sure she’s halfway to the tarmac by now.”

xxxxx

You had your hands shoved in your pockets as you walked into the precinct. You didn’t want anyone to see how tightly your fists were clenched. You shuffled in behind the rest of the BAU. You hadn’t talked to them yet, but they seemed to have an unspoken agreement to form a barrier between you and the locals, but there was only so much they could do.

“Well if it isn’t little Y/n Gardner, what brings you back to our humble town?” You flinch as the cop throws an arm around your shoulder and ruffles your hair. The rest of the team sends you confused looks for the second, and probably not the last, time of the day.

“I’m here for work, Charlie,” you shrug the man off and straighten your hair.

“Always working, aren’t you? Curious, wanting to solve all the mysteries. That curiosity of yours has caused you some problems in the past. Don’t you think it’s time you let up?” The rest of the team senses the anger in his voice and Hotch steps in.

“Regardless of the past, we have a job to do. Could you lead us to where we can set up?” He asks firmly and Charlie smirks.

“Chief Gardener is probably around here somewhere. He could show you,” he’s looking around and you cut him off.

“I know where the conference room is. We’ll get there on our own,” you say, walking toward the room on the other side of the precinct. You open the door, ushering the team inside with a grimace, “we can set up in here.”

The team is full of questions, but they’re also profilers. They know you’re in no mood to open up to them right now, so they shove the curiosity to the back of their minds and focus on the case.

xxxxx

“Alright, let’s deliver the profile,” Hotch announced to the team. It took everything in you to hold back your groan. Over the last few days you’ve been able to avoid direct contact with local law enforcement. They all had their eyes on you constantly, either sending looks of pity or hate to the girl who divided the town. Mainly you stayed in the conference room. Reid taught you how to build a geographical profile, and you helped Penelope with the computer where you could. You even managed to not be seen by the chief yet, but this briefing would put you right in his line of sight.

You stood up silently and went into the bullpen as Hotch asked the nearest officer to gather everyone. Your plan was to stand in the back and be quiet, but as you saw the man across the room look at you, you realized that wouldn’t be happening.

“The man we’re looking for is-“ Hotch is cut off.

“I wanna hear it from y/n,” the chief says and you clench your jaw.

“Now isn’t the time Jacob. Just shut up and let Agent Hotchner tell you who we’re looking for. The sooner we catch him the sooner I’ll be out of here and you won’t have to worry about me,” you say as calmly as you can.

“And let you ruin another innocent man’s life? I’m not gonna sit by and watch you do to somebody else what you did to dad,” he says, pushing himself off the wall he’s been leaning on and taking a few steps towards you and you snap.

“Dad was a lot of things, but innocent wasn’t one of them,” you can feel yourself losing your cool as you close the gap between the two of you. “He hurt a lot of people, Jake.”

“Oh and you’re quite the reliable source. His bastard daughter. What was it? Daddy didn’t give you enough attention? You had to find another way to get all eyes on you, huh?” he spits out. You’re about to throw a punch, but luckily you’re surrounded by a group of profilers who know you better than anyone. As you go to pull your arm back Derek wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you up and quite literally removing you from the situation. When he sets you down a few feet away JJ’s face is in front of yours, her hands on your shoulders.

“Calm down, everything’s alright,” she whispers as you avoid eye contact, brushing her arms off of you.

“I’m fine,” you say for the hundredth time this week and take off, going outside to get some air. You make your way to the back alley, furiously rubbing at your face and trying to stop the tears you can feel building up. JJ is the first one outside and you don’t fight her this time as she pulls you into her arms. You bury your face in her shoulder as the tears start to fall. You’re exhausted from trying to keep it all in, both physically and emotionally, and soon you’re sobbing so hard you’re starting to hyperventilate.

“Hey, look at me, right at me. Just focus on my voice,” JJ says as she pulls away and takes your hand, placing it on her chest. “Just follow my breathing love, you’re okay.”

After a few minutes you’re able to get breathing back in check, and you latch onto JJ again. You hear the door open and your whole body goes rigid, not ready to face Jacob yet.

“Hey, it’s just us. We wanted to check on you,” Spencer’s voice is barely above a whisper, as if talking to a spooked animal.

“I’m okay,” you mumble, pulling away from JJ and wiping the tears away in embarrassment. You still keep a tight grip on her hand, but your gaze is on the floor.

“You don’t have to hide from us. We all get it,” Penelope says and you smile a bit.

“I guess you want an explanation,” you say with a self deprecating laugh, hating that you’ve ended up in this situation.

“Only if you’re ready,” Hotch gives you an out, but you don’t take it.

“No, I want you all to know. It’s just kind of a long story.”

“We’ve got all the time in the world, babygirl.” You roll your eyes at Derek’s nickname before speaking again.

“That was my brother in there. He’s a few years older than me. Our dad cheated on his mom with mine when he was six and they had me. My mom died when I was four and I went to go live with my dad. None of them particularly liked me. Ever since I moved in there had been problems between my dad and Jacob’s mom. She pretended I didn’t exist and my dad…well I wished he did. He beat up on me pretty bad, but he was the chief of police, so everyone turned a blind eye. When I was nine I found out my dad was involved in some pretty shady stuff. Drug dealing, embezzlement, you name it he was probably doing it,” you explain and Penelope speaks up.

“How does a nine year old figure that out?” She asks and you look away again. JJ squeezes your hand drawing your eyes to her as she puts the pieces together. You can see the question in her eyes and you just nod, you can do this.

“I uh…I found his stash. I saw some powder in this little bag in his room and I thought it was candy, like a pixie stick or something. So I hid it in my pocket when he wasn’t looking. I was at the station after school, sitting in the conference room actually, when I went to eat it. I poured some on my tongue, the second I tasted it I spit it out. I came running into the bullpen yelling ‘Dad why does your candy taste funny?’ and waving the bag around. He panicked, started screaming at me, calling me every name in the book right there in front of the whole precinct. Half the guys still work here…I still don’t know if it’s the cocaine that I ingested or the fear of having him lose it, probably a bit of both, but I passed out. They had to rush me to the hospital. The one here doesn’t have a pediatric unit so they had to take me to the county one. When an ambulance came in with a little kid and half a dozen cop cars following it, the doctors had some questions. It launched a whole investigation. There was a whole ring here in town and a lot of people went down. It’s not like I was trying to break it apart, I was nine. I wasn’t investigating it. It was an accident but I sure got blamed. I had to testify at his trial. I knew the way he treated me was’t right, but I didn’t realize I was digging his grave a bit deeper with every word I said until a few years ago. Last I heard he was doing fifteen to twenty years. He should be up for parole soon,” you realize, and you start to spiral, staring off into space and wondering what will happen when he gets out. JJ calling your name pulls you back into reality.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I ended up living with an aunt after all that. I went by my mom’s last name, legally changed it when I turned eighteen. I kept my head down and worked my ass off. I graduated high school at 16 and never looked back. If I had I might know how the hell Jacob was able to get a job in this precinct, let alone run it,” you finish and before anyone can speak Penelope has practically tackled you into a hug.

“Did you know any of this?” Rossi’s question is directed at JJ and she lets out a sigh.

“I knew she had a bad experience with drugs as a kid. She freaks out whenever I leave a bottle of tylenol where Henry can see it, that makes sense now. I knew it was because of her father. And I knew she wasn’t on speaking terms with any of her family,” JJ lists off and you feel your eyes starting to water once again.

“It’s not something I talk about. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you.” JJ shakes her head, cupping your cheek in her hand.

“I’m not mad. It was your story to tell me when you were ready,” she places a kiss on your forehead  and you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

“Alright, let’s go catch this son of a bitch so we can get the hell out of here,” you say and the team agrees, heading back into the building with a renewed desire to close this case. 

tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @prizmix-and-friends @worlds-in-words @5aftermidnight @im-salt-but-not-salty @riotmaximoff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

Criminal minds tag list: @reidingandwriting

[swimfuel]

okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

[erin-bo-berin]

And Baby Makes Three

MASTERLIST

Happy Valentine’s Day! To celebrate, I’m bringing some more fluff, but specifically daddy Spencer. This was requested by @one-sweet-gubler. I had so much fun writing this one and got a bit carried away as I ended writing about the whole pregnancy instead of just the labor part, so it may be a little long. I hope you enjoy all the Daddy Spencer feels. :)

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: G (fluff)

Word Count: 4,278

Spencer was over the moon when you finally fell pregnant.

The two of you had been trying for a baby for a year, with many difficulties. After a plethora of negative tests and even a false positive, you were over the moon when you found out this positive test was the real thing.

You’d taken 6 tests to be sure.

After a visit to the doctor confirmed it, you were determined to make the surprise something special for Spencer.

He had been dreaming about having kids almost all of his life. He was so good with children and the children he encountered at his job, an FBI profiler for the Behavioral Analysis Unit. It was usually scary situations when he encountered kids , but he was always there with soothing words and gentle hugs.

You, with the help of his work family, surprised him at work one day. You were so close to his teammates yourself, you knew you wanted them to be a part of the surprise as well.

You showed up at the BAU under the pretense that he’d forgotten something at home. 

The team had just gathered around the round table to brief about a new case when you walked in. Of course, Spencer was the only one truly surprised one to see you.

You’d apologized for interrupting and said that he’d left something at home that you needed to bring to him. You held up a paper bag, which only confused him, knowing he’d been sure to grab his lunch.

Everyone had watched in anticipation when he pulled a gift box out of the bag.

He’d opened it to a white onesie that when unfolded said Hi Daddy, I can’t wait to meet you. Underneath it was the first ultrasound picture of tiny baby Reid.

He was so shocked that at first he didn’t know what to do. His gaze moved around all the smiling faces at the table, then landed on you, his face breaking into a huge smile.

“Really?” he asked.

“Really.” Your own smile was as big as his.

He’d rushed towards you, hugging you tight and spinning you around in his excitement before the entire team surrounded you both giving hugs and their congratulations.

You were officially going to be parents.

•

Pregnancy wasn’t exactly a breeze for you, yet it wasn’t as bad as some women’s.

The first trimester was filled with lots of nausea, vomiting and exhaustion.

Spencer assured you that it would normally pass by the end of the first trimester. Thankfully it did, but until that point you felt like you lived off of crackers and ginger ale.

He was always the sweetest with you, making sure your supply of both never ran out. When he was home on cases, he’d cuddle with you on the couch letting you have pick of whatever show you wanted to watch—which of course you’d let him end up picking, no matter what. You would lay with your head in his lap and he’d mindlessly play with your hair. Those were some of the best days of your early pregnancy.

By your second trimester, new symptoms arrived, as did the appearance of baby Reid. By 15 weeks, you’d started to show just enough to look pregnant and not actually bloated. 

Spencer would always rub the tiny bump and talk to the baby, things that made your heart soar. It was little gestures like that that made you fall more in love with him each day.

Not only had your belly grown, but so had your appetite. You had started craving things with a vengeance, something that would often mix horribly with your unbalanced pregnancy emotions. It would be like the two wires would accidentally cross in your pregnancy brain, leading to a meltdown.

One night you’d been craving avocados so badly, you’d gone downstairs to eat the last one that you’d been saving. You found it gone, not even remembering you had already eaten it.

Spencer found you on the kitchen floor sobbing over the fact there were no avocados. He’d ended up running to the store at 9 o’clock at night to buy at least two dozen of them. You’d felt so bad afterwards, but he’d only kissed you and assured you that it was only the pregnancy hormones.

“You’re growing a little human, you’re allowed to be a little crazy sometimes,” he comforted you.

Besides the mood swings, cravings and even heartburn, you were most surprised at the changes in your libido. 

You could attest that your sex life with Spencer had never been more steamy than it was then; you were sure he could agree.

20 weeks came and you’d both agreed to find out the sex.

Instead of finding out at the doctor’s, the team had gotten together to throw a gender reveal party—mainly Penelope Garcia’s idea as she was stoked to have another BAU baby around, so who could refuse her?

Obviously it was a small get together with just the BAU team, Spencer and yourself. JJ had been in charge of getting the results, Garcia had baked the cake with the color reveal in it and of course Rossi had supplied his house as the location, as per usual.

You and Spencer both cut into the cake simultaneously and pulled out the first piece, revealing a pink hued cake.

You were thrilled, but you think it was safe to say that Spencer was ecstatic.

•

Baby names were tough.

You’d yet to start talking about names because Spencer wanted to wait until you’d found out the sex before picking a name.

“I want it to be special,” he whined a little, his bottom lip jutting out, “She deserves a good name.”

“I’m still not naming my child Aphrodite, Spencer.”

You had left it to him to research a name; he was so passionate about it, you couldn’t say no. After all, you wanted him involved in every way possible since he couldn’t technically carry the baby.

“Aphrodite was the goddess of love and beauty,” Spencer retorted, still flipping through books.

He was on the floor surrounded by text books, baby name books, pregnancy guide books, you couldn’t even figure out what else. He’d always been a big reader, but he made sure thus far to have as much knowledge as he could on pregnancy, childbirth and parenting.

“After all, her mommy is a goddess,” he smirked as he flipped a page.

“Why Spencer Reid, that was actually quite smooth of you.”

You ruffled his hair before leaning down and kissing him on the lips. His hands cupped your belly and he gave it a kiss too.

“Well she wouldn’t exist if I wasn’t.”

You laughed and playfully shoved him, leaving him to his reading.

•

Around 22 weeks, you felt her first movements. At first it felt like a small gurgle from your stomach and you’d stopped what you were doing, waiting to see if you’d feel it again.

When the sensation happened, it was like the soft wings of a butterfly brushing the inside of your belly. You’d ran to Spencer, thrilled that you’d finally felt her move. He pouted when he realized it wasn’t yet strong enough for him to feel from the outside.

“Keep on growing, little one,” he’d whispered to your belly, “Daddy wants to feel your kicks too.”

When she started kicking, she kicked hard.

Spencer’s reaction to feeling her kick for the first time was amazing. You could see all the love in his eyes for the little baby girl you’d both created, growing and getting stronger every day.

“I feel you baby girl,” he smiled at your belly, rubbing the spot she’d just kicked, kissing it gently.

Then he took your face in his hands and kissed you so lovingly it left you breathless.

“Thank you for being amazing,” he’d murmured against your lips before kissing you again.

•

5 months had become 6 months. Six nearly had nearly become seven.

You were almost 7 months and at your third trimester and you still hadn’t picked a name for baby girl.

Although one day, it just seemed to click into place.

“I got it!” he’d declared, looking up from a baby book.

“Okay, let’s hear it,” you said, intrigued.

“How about Arabella? It’s a Dutch name for beautiful.”

“Arabella,” you let the name roll off your tongue and you smiled, “It’s perfect for her. Now what about a middle name?”

He was already flipping through pages again, reading fast as lightning.

“I haven’t gotten that far. I’ve only gotten the first name down.”

You chuckled, “At this rate we might name her by the time she graduates from high school.”

He didn’t reply, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated. It was then that a thought occurred to you, or rather a name.

“How about Joy?”

“Hmm?” he asked, still distracted by the text.

“Joy. For her middle name. Because we’re so overjoyed about her.”

He looked up, thinking.

“Arabella Joy Reid,” he said, trying it out, then looking back at you. 

“It’s perfect.”

•

The final trimester was the real challenge.

Your body was swollen and sore, you felt huge and you were constantly exhausted. Spencer was the best at spoiling you and Arabella though. Between the cute baby things he bought—one being an onesie that said Daddy’s Little Genius—he would fix meals when he was home, run a bath for you and cuddle you afterwards.

You would often make remarks about how big you felt but he would immediately squash your insecurities saying you looked even more beautiful while pregnant.

When he left for work or for a case, he’d always make sure to kiss your bump as well as kissing you before he left, his way of saying goodbye to his girls.

As the time crept closer to her being born, his excitement grew. He couldn’t wait for your family to expand. It was so endearing to see him so happy and excited. You knew he didn’t get to have the same experience as you did currently, so you understood that he was more than eager to have her here and bond with her.

He was going to make an amazing dad.

As much as you wanted to meet your little bundle of joy, the impending approach of labor made you nervous. Obviously being a first time mom, you only knew what you’d heard and read, not what the actual experience would be like.

“Some studies have said that childbirth actually hurts more than broken bones,” Spencer had told you.

“Not helping!” you groaned.

He winced, quickly realizing his mistake.

“Well at least there’s medication now for labor pains unlike in old days when they used to—”

You stopped him in the middle of his sentence.

“Please don’t finish that sentence,” you said, “You better believe the moment I can get an epidural, I’m going to get it.”

“Whatever you’re most comfortable with is fine by me.”

He squeezed your hand, showing you that you truly did have his support. He hated to see you in pain and he knew labor was going to be strenuous, but you knew he’d be there with you every step of the way.

“Just think in two weeks we’re going to be able to finally meet her,” Spencer beamed, stroking your stomach where one of her feet had just pushed hard enough to show an imprint through your belly.

“It’s about time you carried her for once,” you teased, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Oh believe me, you’ll have to fight me before I give up holding her.”

You had zero doubts about that.

•

Your due date was right around the corner when Spencer had to fly to Colorado for a case. 

“You’re sure you’ll call me if anything happens, right?” Spencer asked for the third time.

“Spence, I’m sure,” you answered, “Besides my due date isn’t for 5 more days and my doctor said there’s a chance she might be a tad bit overdue.”

“Tell her daddy says to stay in there until I get back.”

“I will. But keep in mind, she’s as stubborn as you are.”

“Hey!” he exclaimed, feigning offense.

You laughed, “Go save a life. I’ll call you later. Love you.”

After you’d said your goodbyes, you resumed the cleaning you’d needed to finish up before baby got here.

You’d successfully washed and put away all her clothes, washed all the bottles and stored them in the cabinet along with the canisters of formula and set up her changing table with wipes and diapers.

Your hospital bag had been packed weeks ago and sat next to the door. 

Now you just finished small things like washing dishes, folding laundry and vacuuming. Sweeping was definitely not an option since you couldn’t bend down for the dustpan. Oh, how you missed being able to bend down like a normal person.

It was around one in the afternoon when you decided to lay down because you had become exhausted and your back had begun to ache. 

With a quick text to Spencer, you let him know you were napping in case you didn’t answer and he reminded you Garcia was on speed dial if you needed anything.

You fell into a restless sleep, waking about an hour later drenched in sweat, the ache now have migrated to the front of your body. You sat up to retrieve your phone so you could time the contractions, just to ensure they weren’t Braxton Hicks. That’s when you felt a gush of liquid between your legs, soaking your pants and the bed sheets.

Your thumb immediately hit the 1 on screen, dialing Penelope Garcia.

•

Spencer was standing in front of the geo map he’d been working on, studying it when his phone rang. He reached into his pocket, seeing it was Garcia and none the wiser thought she would be reporting more info on the current case.

“Hey Garcia.”

“Don’t freak out.”

His brows crinkled.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Y/N’s in labor.”

“What?!” His answer was so loud, it startled some officers nearby, “She’s not due for at least a week more!”

“Don’t tell me, tell your offspring,” Penelope retorted, “Cause she’s on her way.”

“Has her water broke? Are they sure it’s not just false labor?”

“Half an hour ago, they’re checking her now. I’m staying here until you get here obviously, but I’d hurry cause I feel like she’s gonna want you here to wring your neck when labor really starts.”

 “Okay, I’ll catch the first flight I can and call you back when I get the flight info.”

He said a quick goodbye and rushed to Emily.

“Y/N’s gone into labor and I need to get the next flight out,” he told her, simultaneously looking up flight information out of Colorado on his phone.

“Spence.”

He was too busy searching to catch the worried tone in her voice. It wasn’t until he saw the numerous amounts of cancelled next to all flights that he looked up at her.

“Normally, I’d say go ahead and go. But I don’t think you’re going to get a flight anywhere in this weather.” She pointed to the window behind him.

He turned to see it snowing so hard he couldn’t see anything else but white.

“All flights have been grounded until the storm is over. We’re stuck here.”

“No,” Spencer muttered, starting to panic.

He paced back and forth, his frustration mounting. In one motion he swiped all of the papers off the desk in his irritation, his frustration and anger at the situation bubbling to the surface.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he muttered, sinking down in the chair at the table, his hands covering his face.

His hands pushed through his hair in exasperation, his curls falling back into place moments later.

He wasn’t going to make it there in time. He was going to miss it all.

The love of his life and the mother of his child was going to have to go through labor without him.

•

“What do you mean you’re not going to make it?!” Penelope shrieked.

“All flights are grounded for the next 48 hours until this damn snow storm is over,” Spencer said. 

“And there’s no way you can make it back?”

“I’ve tried everything,” he said, sounding resigned.

“What am I supposed to tell her?”

“The truth. Garcia, you’re going to have to stay with her.”

“Me? I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout birthin’ no babies!”

“Garcia this is no time to be quoting Gone With The Wind!” Spencer exclaimed, exasperated.

“Sorry, it’s just, Spencer I don’t know what to do and she wants you!”

“Just be there, hold her hand, give her ice chips, encourage her. I’m not letting her be alone. Garcia, please,” he practically begged.

“Alright, alright. I’ll keep you updated. Garcia tech-analyst-turned-midwife out.”

-

You were laying in bed, covered in sweat from just making it through another contraction.

At your last check, you were only 4 centimeters dilated. You still had one more to go before you could get the epidural.

“This suuuuucks,” you moaned.

Your contractions were still at least 5 minutes apart, signaling you were still in the last stages of early labor, if not in early stages of active. All of that to mean the pain medication wasn’t coming until they got stronger and more frequent.

“And they said these are only the mild ones,” you groaned, looking over at Garcia who was grabbing your cup of ice.

She gave you another spoonful and put the cup back.

“You’re doing great though and the doctor said the epidural will help with most of the real intense contractions.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing Spencer isn’t here right now cause I feel like I could kill him,” you muttered.

You were devastated when Penelope told you he was stuck in Colorado. You hated that he was going to miss Arabella’s birth and you needed him here. But at the moment, you were exhausted, sweaty, in pain and very angry that Spencer had gotten you pregnant.

Of course, that was just the pain talking.

-

“I’m so sorry you got stuck with me,” you later panted, having worked your way through the previous contraction.

“Oh, sweetheart, no. I’m honored. You’ve been doing great,” she smiled, wiping your forehead, “Besides I’m thrilled to meet my goddaughter.”

You smiled weakly.

You were currently waiting for the anesthesiologist to set up the epidural. Your contractions had started amping up big time and were coming closer together. It had been several hours since you’d first been admitted to the hospital, the nightfall just outside your window indicating the late hour.

After being propped up against Penelope and neither of you looking at the needle that was inserted into your spine, the epidural was finally taking affect. The sweet sensation of numbness was a relief. You had gone from being in excruciating pain to feeling absolutely nothing and it allowed you to get some rest while your labor advanced.

A few cat naps later, Penelope had sent a selfie of the two of you to Spencer to let him know that you both were still alive and well; things were going smoothly. 

You passed the time by watching tv, talking to Garcia and napping. It took hours for you to progress, but slowly, you did. It was nearing dawn the next morning when it was reported that you were 9 centimeters dilated. It was getting closer to time to meet yours and Spencer’s baby and you found yourself wishing again that he was here with you.

Things progressed fast and by 7 am you were pushing your baby girl out into the world. Penelope was holding your hand as you squeezed it, pushing with all your strength. 

She, the nurses and the doctor kept hollering their encouragement as they told you to push and finally you heard the wonderful first cries of your baby.

You fell back against your pillow, exhausted, overwhelmed, but happy as she was placed on your chest. She was still covered in all the normal birthing elements, but she was beautiful, just like her name implied.

“Oh Y/N she’s beautiful,” Penelope gasped, in awe.

She’d followed the nurses when they’d taken Arabella to clean her off and measure her. 

“Nice and healthy too. Almost nine pounds,” she smiled, “She’s going to be tall like her daddy.”

You smiled and watched as she took pictures of her to send to Spencer.

You reached your arms out and took her from the nurse once they’d swaddled her.

“Hello angel,” you whispered, “You just couldn’t wait until daddy got home, now could you?”

•

It had officially been almost an entire day since you’d had Arabella. 

You’d just gotten her to sleep when you heard a commotion just outside of your hospital room. You heard a mixture of voices, but your heart leaped when you heard your boyfriend’s in the mix. 

Footsteps got closer and you looked up as Spencer practically bounded in, a huge smile on his face. He dropped his go bag and satchel on the floor next to the door and walked over to your side.

“There’s my angel,” he said.

“Which one? Her or me?” you teased.

“Both of you.”

Spencer smiled running a hand over your still mess of hair and kissed your forehead.

“Look at her. You did amazing, Y/N.”

“Well you did kind of help,” you smirked.

“Okay, we did amazing.”

“Yes, we did,” you agreed, handing her to Spencer.

“Hi beautiful,” he crooned, stroking her cheek with his finger, “Daddy’s been waiting a long time to meet you.”

He sat in the chair beside you and snuggled her close. Arabella stretched a little in her sleep, opening her eyes when she heard his voice.

“Someone recognizes daddy’s voice,” you smiled.

“Well hello there Arabella. I heard you had quite the dramatic entrance.”

She cooed, eyes never leaving his face.

You watched the two of them, especially Spencer. He was so in love with her and you were so in love with him.

She yawned and gripped onto his finger. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked, looking up at you now that she was contently cuddled in his arms.

“Tired and sore,” you chuckled, “But she was definitely worth it.”

“I’ll say, I mean look how cute our baby is.”

Spencer held one of her feet that had come out of the swaddle.

“Look at those tiny feet,” he baby-talked to Arabella, before kissing the bottom of it.

She pulled her foot away, beginning to get fussy.

“What’s the matter, Princess?” he frowned, covering her foot back up with the blanket.

“She’s tired and probably hungry. She’d barely gone to sleep before you got here.”

His eyes lit up.

“Can I feed her?”

“Go ahead,” you smiled.

You rang for the nurse and while she fetched a bottle, Arabella began to cry.

“I know, I know,” Spencer pouted, rocking her slightly, “A bottle’s coming, baby girl.”

The nurse returned with the bottle and Spencer took it, placing it gently in Arabella’s mouth. She started sucking greedily, her cries vanished.

You watched them with sleepy eyes, a smile on your face. Spencer looked up, noticing you drifting off.

“Hey, why don’t you rest and take a nap? I’ve got this.”

“You sure?”

He leaned over, kissing you gently.

“Yes, I’m sure,” he looked down at Arabella, “Tell mommy we got this.”

She made small grunting noises as she ate and he chuckled.

“See? We’re good on our own.”

You didn’t argue. You knew you’d need your rest and better take it when you had the chance. You’d began drifting off when you heard Spencer’s words to Arabella.

“I love your mommy so much. Besides you, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”

•

Spencer watched his daughter eat all of her bottle while he talked to her. She seemed to listen too, watching him the entire time.

“Just wait until auntie JJ meets you,” he said, “She might ever want to give you back. She’s never had a baby girl.”

He told her all about the rest of his teammates, talked to her about how he waited so long to meet her, he even told her how he and Y/N had met. He set the bottle aside when she was finished, laying her against his chest and on his shoulder to burp her, like he’d read about.

When she was settled, he laid her against his chest, rocking her just a bit. It wasn’t long until he fell asleep along with her.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep when a nurse had woken him.

“I’m sorry Dr. Reid,” she apologized, “I was just making rounds and was checking in on the baby. Do you want me to take her and put her back in the bassinet to sleep?”

“No, I think I want to hold her a little while longer.”

She smiled and nodded before she left the room. He looked down to Arabella sleeping peacefully on his chest. 

His mind couldn’t wrap around the fact that this tiny, perfect little human was his. He was filled with such love for her and Y/N.

He kissed her head gently.

“Not even a day old and you have me wrapped around your little finger.”

He got comfortable in the chair once again, falling back asleep with her in his arms.

Despite all the bad things he saw in his day to day work, good moments like this truly outweighed all the bad.

Tag List: @dreatine​ @reid-187​ @groovyreid​ @reidslibra​ @suvikamahes98blr​ @fuckthealarm​ @whatspunispun​ @iamburdened​ @cindywayne​ @thomasfoockinshelby​ @tinyminy88​ @theitcaramelchick​ @missprettyboy​ @hushlilbabydoll​ @sammy-jo1977​ @theonlyone-meeeee​ @haileymorelikestupid​

[thefanficmonster]

Hey Vy! 📚🌻 Here!

How is your week going? My roller skates just got here and I'm so happy omg! My protective gear haven't got here yet so I'm trying not to fall but a almost hit my face so many times- i have to stop for some time now because I need to clean my room :_: but here's your three words of this week: Paradise, curly, radio

A lot a lot looot of loveee,

📚🌻.

Hi darling 📚🌻 !

Please be extra careful until your protective gear arrives, I'd hate to hear you've injured yourself 🥺 Anyways, hope you have fun with your roller skates (always stay safe though)! 🥰

Here comes a short drabble with your three words! This one’s gonna be a little different though - no OCs and not for the Resident Evil fandom, but rather the How To Get Away With Murder fandom, more specifically - for my favorite relatioship/characters on the show! Hope you enjoy!

All my love, Vy 💌

Better

Laurel Castillo x Frank Delfino (How To Get Away With Murder - AU: Canon Divergence; AU where the characters tolerate each other XD)

Warnings: Slight spoilers (Nothing too major though), Swearing

Laurel runs a hand through Chris’ curly hair, admiring how peaceful he looks now that he’s finally asleep. He’s got a fever that’s been giving him crying fits for two days now. Having to deal with a sick two-year-old while simultaneously trying to keep up with work and her final studies has been exhausting to no end. She’s been receiving some help from Michaela who seems utterly desperate to keep herself busy at all times, even when she’s supposed to be relaxing just so her mind doesn’t spiral into the void of loneliness she’s fallen victim to as of recent. Connor and Ollie have babysat for her a few times as well, another gesture she’s incredibly grateful for. Asher has offered to look after the toddler too on numerous occasions but that’s one offer Laurel’s never taken up. She appreciates him offering her his help, but everyone would justify this action of hers considering how reckless Asher can be at times - aka 90% of the time.

The Keating 5 has come through for her when it comes to both looking after Chris and keeping up with her studies, proving their friendship to be  one of those rare ones. However, Keating 5 aside, she’s received the most amount of help from one particular person. Someone who’s prepared to turn up at her doorstep at three in the morning if she needs him.

Frank Delfino

The two had a rocky start, to say the least. Their on-again-off-again relationship as colleagues with benefits. Their constant back and fourth. Then came Frank’s disappearance and Laurel’s involvement with Wes, all occurrences blowing huge holes not only in their romantic relationship but also their friendship which has always been a second away from ceasing to exist, all things considered. Friendship is hard to maintain with such a strong, hypnotic and magnetic romantic connection. Some people just weren’t meant to be friends, ever. Frank and Laurel are among them.

Speaking of Frank, the man’s been rather concerned lately, the lack of calls and messages from Laurel worrying him more with each passing day. He overheard Michaela mention Chris’ fever in passing conversation with Asher when she was bailing on a date with the excuse of helping Laurel look after the sick toddler. He’d been surprised to hear that, initially thinking it was a cheap excuse of Michaela’s to avoid spending time with Asher considering things between them have grown sort of complicated. But when Connor confirmed this claim of hers, Frank couldn’t help but grow very concerned. He’s grown used to knowing what’s going on with Chris and Laurel before everyone else so having someone else be in the know while he was kept in the dark made him feel oddly jealous and hurt.

And he could only hold his worries and assumptions at bay so long...

Responding to the knock at the door, knowing who it probably is at this hour, Laurel contemplates whether opening the door would be the right thing to do. She’s double-checked that it is indeed him, that bringing her more uncertainty than comfort, oddly enough. She’s been doing her best to distance herself from him and his life for quite a while now. She’s been meaning to give him an opportunity at a normal life, away from her mess and chaos. She’s been wanting to give him an escape from the fiasco she always finds herself dragging him into.

But he still comes back to her, by his own choice.

“Laurel, it’s me.“ His coarse voice reaches her from the other side of the door.

“Yeah...“ She trails off, forcing her hand up to turn the lock, “...I know.“

Opening the door reveals the concern on his face a lot better than she saw through the peephole. It makes her heart swell up and all she wants to do is throw her arms around him in a tight embrace. But she can’t do that, she won’t. She’s not willing to give him any reason to hold onto her whatsoever. In her eyes, he deserves a lot better. And maybe he does, but he doesn’t want anything or anyone better.

“Hey...“ he mutters, unsure of how to start of the interaction. Things have never been easy between them and, looking back, it seems like they’ve only gotten harder. Somehow, their connection has only grown stronger though. A connection he wants to uphold and a connection she wants to sever.

“Hey...What are you doing here so late?“ Ok, that’s a sustainable question considering it’s 10PM, but then again he’s come to her apartment at odder hours. Only difference is, those other times, she called him over.

“Though I’d check on you. You’ve been rather dead with calls and texts recently. Also missed Chris, heard he had a fever so I got worried.“ She hears the undertone of accusation in his voice loud and clear. It makes her bite her lip with guilt she wishes she wasn’t feeling, especially when she’s supposed to be doing the right thing.

You can’t decide for him. If he wants to keep coming back, that’s on him.

That thought hasn’t crossed her mind yet. It almost feels like she’s letting herself off the hook, feeding into the temptation to embrace what her and Frank have.

“You hungry?“ Now that is a bit more out-of-place question, but it’s accompanied by her taking a step back to allow him inside, “I ordered Thai food I never got to finish.“

He follows the signal, growing a bit more hopeful now that she’s let him in the apartment, thinking maybe she isn’t avoiding him after all. “Loss of appetite?”

“Partly.“ She replies, hearing the click of Frank locking the front door before following her in the kitchen where the hanging lights are dimmed. “Chris was throwing a fuss all day, I couldn’t really do much but focus on him.“ She motions to the living room where the coffee table is littered with sheets of paper and highlighters, some of which have found a spot on the floor as well. “Not to mention the ton of crap I need to do for school and work.“

“Would’ve been a lot easier on you had you called me, you know?“ He comments, walking over to the fridge, taking out the two packs of Thai takeout, suggesting she had been expecting him. She wasn’t really, she was just quietly hoping he’d show up at her doorstep.

“Didn’t wanna bother you. It’s nothing serious, a simple cold, I can handle it.“ She replies, approaching the small vintage radio in the corner of the kitchen counter, turning it on to a quiet volume so some tunes could fill the silences that are bound to occur frequently with the amount of tension between them.

“You could never bother me, Laurel. I’ve told you countless times before...“ putting the food he’s now moved onto a large plate into the microwave and turning the machine on, he turns to look at her, “I love Chris like he’s my son. In my eyes, he is my son and I love him with all my heart. Just like I love you.“

Instead of allowing the deafening quiet to take over them again - the soft music from the radio aside - Laurel lets the loudness of her mind surface. She lets it seep through the barriers she built in order to protect herself and protect everyone around her from herself: “Do you never stop to think you deserve better, Frank? Better than some grown-ass woman with her life in shambles and a kid whose father’s dead. Do you not think you deserve someone who knows what they want and where they’re headed with their life? Someone who...” her confidence is slowly leaving her to fend for herself and so she does, the best she can. “Someone who can cook and do their projects and work and take care of her son simultaneously. Someone better, Frank! Do you never want someone better?”

She hadn’t realized her eyes had been darting all over the place, looking everywhere but at him. How that her gaze has once again landed on his face, she feels her stomach turn at what she sees. That concerned, hurt and disappointed frown only further fuels her guilt, making her wish she’d never opened the door in the first place.

“Laurel, where’s this all coming from? Did Bonnie say something to you cause if she did...“ she cuts him off.

“No, she didn’t. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now actually. All I am to you is trouble and a burden and...“ he gets back at her, cutting her off himself.

“And you’re none of those things, Laurel. Your view of yourself is interfering with your perception of this, of us, of what we have. You and Chris are my family. The family I choose. It’s not about deserve or idealism - it’s about what brings you joy and makes you feel complete. What and who makes you feel at home. Who is your home.“ Always cautious of her personal space, Frank takes a hesitant step towards her and another when she doesn’t back away. “Lord knows it’s no paradise, but what we have is special, Laurel, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world.“

Against her best attempts at keeping her emotions at bay, Laurel feels her eyes brimming with tears as she gazes up at the man she’s never been in the clear with. She never realizes what he means to her until it’s too late. She only realized she loved him when he disappeared. She only realized he meant the world to her when he had already slipped from her grip. And she refuses to continue that pattern.

Instead, she’ll work on finding out what they are exactly and even if she doesn’t reach that epiphany, she’ll still embrace it, no matter the oddity and unfamiliarity of it all.

“Thank you.“ she manages to whisper past the knot in her throat.

“Don’t thank me, you should never thank me for the things I do for you or Chris. I choose to do them. I choose to be here. I choose you because I want you. You and no one else, Laurel.“

Just then, the microwave beeps, alerting the two that their close-to-midnight meal is warmed up. Taking the plate out and placing it on the counter to cool down a little, he turns to her with a small smile on his face, “Let’s see what’s so troubling about that project of yours, shall we?”

And just like that, the tension has lifted, allowing for a smile to appear on her face as well. That ease of the mind is not something she’s been very used to throughout her life, constantly having shit to worry about and people to deal with. That’s why she’s never wanted to be a burden on someone’s back. She’s never wanted to be a major part in someone’s life, at least not until she gets her shit together.

And although she might never get her shit together, she’s got someone she loves and someone who loves her by her side. Lord knows he hasn’t been on top of his own shit either. At least they’ll be figuring it all out together.

[taeyongdoyoung]

summary: you are a mermaid and you save a handsome man from drowning but little do you know it’s not his first rodeo when dealing with mermaids. seonghwa, a former prince, is currently hongjoong’s first mate and boyfriend. hongjoong is the captain, the pirate king of the most savage crew across the seas. and you want nothing to do with them. not because they’re pirates, but because they’re humans... 

ship: mermaid!reader x prince/pirate!seonghwa x pirate!hongjoong

genre: little mermaid!au, pirate!au, angst, romance, fantasy

author’s note: seonghwa is loosely based on prince eric because let’s be honest, hwa is an actual prince; hongjoong is loosely based on captain hook (the once upon a time one); reader is veeeeery loosely based on ariel, i guess

warnings: suicide mentions, murder, drowning

word count: 2.1k

chapter two ☠️ chapter three ☠️ chapter four ☠️ chapter five ☠️ chapter six ☠️  chapter seven ☠️ chapter eight  ☠️ chapter nine ☠️ chapter ten ☠️ chapter eleven ☠️ chapter twelve ☠️ chapter thirteen ☠️ spotify playlist

You were swimming across the sea without a worry in the world when you spotted a man in the near distance. He was obviously in trouble because he was screaming for help and was possibly on the verge of drowning. 

You could see that he was a skilled swimmer because he was still fighting against the odds but judging from the swirling water around him, the problem was of a different nature. He’d gotten caught in a very dangerous whirlpool. You could see a giant ship further away but unfortunately, it would be impossible for anyone to come in time to help the drowning man. 

You sighed to yourself because you had been warned against getting involved with humans. You didn’t want to end up like your distant cousin who’d been turned into sea foam, because of her feelings for a human. But you couldn’t exactly watch someone die right in front of you. So, you swam towards the drowning man. 

Once you reached him, he’d already been submerged under the blue. You dived right into the whirlpool fearlessly and grabbed his sleeve, pulling him towards the surface. He was pretty heavy but you did your best to save him. As soon as you had gotten him out of the whirlpool, you began swimming towards the giant ship, hoping the other humans would take him off your plate. By the time you reached it, the man had regained consciousness.

“Did you just…save me?” he asked quietly.

“Don’t mention it,” you responded.

“Can I know the name of my saviour?” the man inquired.

You didn’t reply and just kept knocking on the wooden lower half of the ship, hoping the other humans would take him in so that you would get rid of any unnecessary human drama.

“That won’t work,” he chuckled and started screaming, “Yah, Joong, come get me, you ass!”

“Wait, you know someone on this ship?” you asked in confusion.

“Duh, I fell from here. Well, I got thrown out, more specifically.”

“Why would you want to come back, then?” you were even more confused.

“It was as a joke. I bet they didn’t expect me to fall into a whirlpool,” the man explained.

“Ah, I see.”

You were suddenly interrupted by a man on the ship who was rushing to help.

“Oh my God, Hwa, I’m so sorry!” he threw a rope into the sea and the man you’d saved grabbed it.

“Are you coming? I need to properly thank you for saving my life.”

“I c-can’t,” you whispered and looked down apologetically. The man still hadn’t realized what exactly had saved him.

When he finally noticed your tail, his eyes widened in shock.

“I have to go,” you murmured quickly and dived back into the sea.

“W-wait,” the drowning man spoke but it was too late. You were already gone.

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa’s POV

I climbed up the rope and was greeted by the captain’s tight hug.

“Dude, are you okay?” Hongjoong asked me in a worried voice. “What happened?”

“I’m fine. I swam away for a bit because I was mad at you for throwing me overboard as a joke. I didn’t expect to fall into a bloody whirlpool.”

Hongjoong shook his head.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, you have to know how sorry I feel. I was so worried…”

I smiled fondly.

“Yeah, you should have thought about that before throwing my ass-“

“Who was she?” Hongjoong interrupted.

“She…saved me. I think she was a mermaid,” I informed him.

Hongjoong stared at me in disbelief.

“Mermaids aren’t real, man.”

“I saw her tail, Joong. She was very much real. And remember that story about the prince from the kingdom nearby?”

“It’s just that,” Hongjoong argued with me. “A story. Not real.”

I disagreed with him.

“I know what I saw, man.”

“You must be exhausted,” Hongjoong thought I was making this up. And it was honestly frustrating that he didn’t believe me.

“Didn’t you see her? She was right there!” I was beginning to get aggravated.

“It was just you, Hwa. You swam back on your own.”

“But…you just asked me who she was?!”

“No, I didn’t,” Hongjoong denied his own words. “You should get some sleep.”

Well, he was right about one thing. I was on my last legs and needed to go to bed immediately.

“Fine. But we’ll talk more about it tomorrow,” I said, determined to get to the bottom of it.

☠️☠️☠️

Hongjoong’s POV

Okay, so maybe I lied. I had indeed seen the mermaid. But in my defense, I was trying to protect Seonghwa. Everyone knew the story about the mermaid who had given up her life to be with a human prince. Everyone knew she was eventually turned into sea foam. But nobody knows what really happened to the prince after that. When he found out what had happened to the mermaid, he was overwhelmed with grief and ended up killing himself. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to my first mate, my best friend, Seonghwa. I didn’t want to risk him falling for a mermaid. I didn’t want to lose him. But I had a feeling he wasn’t going to let this go.

The next day, of course, proved me right.

“Hey, Captain, we heard you almost killed our beloved first mate last night,” Wooyoung said casually during breakfast.

I gave him a deadly glare to shut him up.

“Yeah, Cap, what’s that about?” San, the treacherous son of a bitch quickly defended his boyfriend’s stance. “Hwa told us you threw him overboard and then he was saved by a mermaid!”

I frowned at Seonghwa for being so quick to share everything with the crew.

“Relax, guys,” Hwa laughed easily. “Joong didn’t mean to kill me. But the mermaid part is very much real,” he pointedly stared at me.

“Just drop this already, will you?” I scolded him, exasperated by this whole mermaid story.

“Damn, I wish I was awake to see that!” Yeosang chimed in eagerly.

I rolled my eyes.

“She had really long hair and her tail was glowing. She was really beautiful,” Seonghwa spoke dreamily, which was making me even angrier.

“Yah, you must have not seen a girl in too long,” I couldn’t take it any longer. Mermaid this, mermaid that, it was too annoying! “She wasn’t that beautiful!”

“Ha!” Seonghwa laughed triumphantly. “I knew it! You saw her too, didn’t you? You were lying last night!”

Fuck. I’d exposed myself. The crew looked at us suspiciously, assessing the situation.

“Fine, I saw her,” I confessed reluctantly. “Will you let it go now? Mermaids are nothing but trouble.”

“And us, pirates aren’t?” Seonghwa scoffed sarcastically. “Just admit you’re jealous.”

“Ooh, Mom and Dad are fighting!” Wooyoung snickered, which earned a couple of quiet chuckles from Yeosang and San. These little bastards were living for drama.

Seonghwa and I gave them an angry look simultaneously, which immediately shut them up.

“Not jealous, just worried. You don’t know the full story about that prince…” I started.

Hwa’s brows furrowed.

“You said it was just a story,” Seonghwa called me out on my bullshit once again.

“I’ll tell you everything. But not in front of the kids.”

“Come ooooon,” Wooyoung whined. “We’re old enough to know!”

I shook my head and grabbed Seonghwa’s hand, pulling him away.

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa’s POV

“What do you mean the prince killed himself?” I asked in horror. “I thought the asshole lived happily ever after with some princess.”

“That’s what his parents want you to believe. They were too ashamed to let the world know the truth,” Hongjoong explained patiently.

“And how do you know the truth?” I eyed Joong in suspicion.

“Because I am the one who found his body and buried him.”

“That’s…impossible, Joong,” I argued passionately, because he only knew part of the story. He didn’t even realize I knew more than he did.

“Why? Because you want to believe in fairy tales?” Hongjoong was growing tired by my stubbornness to drop this subject.

“No, because I am the prince from that story,” I finally told him what nobody else on that ship knew.

“You’re delusional,” Hongjoong laughed. “I buried the prince. And he looked nothing like you.”

“That’s what I wanted people to believe,” I said coldly, paraphrasing his earlier words. “I’ll tell you everything if you promise not to ask any questions until I’m finished. Can you do that for me?”

Hongjoong nodded unwillingly.

“Once upon a time, I was travelling with my parents, the king and queen, across the sea. But after a fight with them, similar to my fight with you yesterday, I foolishly jumped into the sea. But I was younger, then, not at all skilled at swimming. I began to drown. Until a mermaid saved me. We fell in love at first sight and spent a week together in a secret bay. She promised she’d find a way to turn her tail into legs so that she would be with me. I believed her and returned to my parents. When she found me again in the castle, she had lost her voice. It didn’t matter to me and I promised I’d marry her. But my parents were strongly against it. They wanted to get rid of her. So, they bribed the sea witch with treasures and turned my love into sea foam. The stories are all lies. My mermaid didn’t die because I didn’t love her back. She died because I did. When I found out what my parents had done, I was so miserable I considered ending my life. But I knew I had to live for her, I wanted to avenge her death. So, I tricked the sea witch. I told her she could have my kingdom on one condition – she had to transform her body into mine, making herself into an identical twin. She asked what I wanted in return and I came up with a stupid explanation that I just wanted to die but didn’t want my parents to be miserable, which is why she would come as a replacement to me. The witch’s greed was so grand that she believed every word I said. As soon as the transformation had been completed, I killed her. Well, myself. That’s what I wanted it to look like. And I wanted my parents to suffer for me the way I had suffered for my love. But I couldn’t get arrogant and risk being found out. So, I located a good-hearted wizard and asked him to change my face into something different. I told him my story and he didn’t want anything in return. He took pity on me and just wanted to help me. Thus, the explanation as to why the corpse you buried looked nothing like…the way I currently look. When I was stealing fish from that port market where you found me, I decided to start anew. To forget everything and move on. But last night, when that new mermaid saved my life, I couldn’t help but be reminded of my old love, of the past.”

I fell silent, expecting Hongjoong to ask me a million questions to check the validity of my story. Instead, he fully believed me and asked something unexpected.

“Why…why are you telling me all this now?” Joong whispered and in that moment he looked nothing like the terrifying pirate king I’d first met.

I shrugged.

“You’re the one who brought up the real story. I couldn’t let you go on thinking it was the truth.”

“When I asked you to come on board that night…were you planning on ever telling me?”

“No,” I admitted. “I was intending to carry this secret to my grave. But I trust you, Joong. And it was eating me inside.”

Hongjoong sighed deeply.

“Damnit, Hwa. How am I supposed to deal with this, huh? You’re a bloody prince, the very thing us, pirates, are sworn to steal from.”

I smiled.

“That’s what you’re worried about?”

“What do you suggest?” Hongjoong spat angrily. “Worry about the mermaid? Everything I’ve ever known about you was a lie.”

I grabbed his face.

“Not everything, Joong,” I looked into his eyes. “The way I feel about you hasn’t changed. It’s as real as freaking mermaids, man.”

Hongjoong blushed adorably and pressed his forehead against mine.

“What do you want me to do?” he whispered fondly.

“Aren’t you the one giving the orders on this ship?” I teased him.

“Shut up,” Hongjoong laughed. “Tell me.”

“I want to find her,” I said truthfully.

“I’ll help you.”

“You don’t have to,” I reminded him.

“I want to,” Joong insisted.

“Together, then?”

“Always.”

To be continued…

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

And he said, I hope you know how to swim

A/N: this is for the gift exchange from @itfandomprompts! My giftee is @iheartthoreau who asked for shy skinny dipping lovers and jealous Eddie. I’m sorry it’s out so late, I hope you enjoy it anyway! 

Summary:  The Derry midnight breeze is freezing, Eddie notes, still dressed in a shirt and pants and dreading having to get rid of them. He’s bare foot now, standing on top of the quarry and peering down into the glinting lake. Next to him, also bare foot, Richie looks over his shoulder, and laughs, bright and innocent. 

warnings: skinny dipping, mentioned of nudity (but nothing graphic)

read on a3o

The atmosphere of six best friends who’ve just moved past the worst stages in their life cackles in Eddie’s brain.

He’s buzzed up, energized beyond all logic by the laughter and loving gestures so carelessly tossed around in their group. Pennywise is dead, and with it the looming threat following each of them around and the teasing unhappiness hinting at what they were missing but not giving any clues as to what.

It’s all over now, and a road full of new opportunities lays ahead of them. Everyone is acting loose, ecstatic with the weight that fell off their shoulders. Eddie’s feeling a tad guilty too, for calling Myra and informing her that way about their upcoming divorce that he’s going to set in motion as soon as he’s had a good night sleep, but he felt so brave after surviving a literal killer clown, that he wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.

A part of him was also frightful that he’d lose his courage, between now and getting home, that he’d look around his house and accept that this was all he was destined for, a mediocre life with a wife he didn’t love and a job that sucked the joy out of all employees. Myra deserved better though, and that’s why Eddie’s guilty eyeing his phone, debating on calling her back. He won’t take back what he said, because he’s relieved to have put it out in the open, but he’s unsure if he should have been more empathetic towards her feelings in all of this. If he should have ended the call after telling her to take care.

Bev notices his wandering eyes from where she seated beside him on the couch, the woman still laughing a stitch, shifting forward and hiding his phone in between seat cushions. Out of sight out of mind so to speak.

‘We’ve got time to worry about it tomorrow Eddie.’ She says, and she’s right. Tomorrow both him and Bev will have to deal with the intricacies of divorce and separating a company and a home. Tonight is reserved for the losers only.

‘Yeah Eds, and here I was assuming that after twenty years we’d have some stuff to catch up on.’

Richie regards him from the floor, legs tossed up upon the couch with his body upside down. His glasses are sliding off, but he’s lazy to fix them, so he looks like even more of a goofball than normal. If Eddie could, if he didn’t feel like his intentions would be even more noticeable if he did, he’d scoot over to Richie, adjusting his glasses and letting his fingers trail his cheek and bask in the skin to skin contact.

‘You never did anything interesting before we went to college, what makes you think you’ve done something interesting after?’ Eddie’s tongue is sharp, a façade he builds to stop speculation about his feelings towards Richie, though the truth is that he is intrigued and he craves to know every small detail about his life outside of Derry.

‘No you guys are not starting this again. I’m sick of your bickering,’ Bill interjects, rolling his eyes at the pair.

‘I reject that big Bill, we’re hilarious, you can’t be sick of us bickering when you haven’t had the pleasure of hearing it for the last twenty years. Michael, back me up here buddy.’

‘Sorry Rich, I’m not getting involved in the slightest.’

‘Yeah guys come on, can’t we have one quiet night in?’

‘What so Eddie can just call me boring and I’m supposed to let it slide? Me? I’m the fireworks on the Fourth of July, the highest roller coaster in the park and the whipped cream on strawberries, but I am not boring.’ Richie changes positions, almost accidentally knocking over his beer bottle. He theatrically waves his arms back and forth, trying to animate his words and add conviction.

‘Okay, okay you’re not boring, but don’t overrate yourself either. The most adventurous thing you ever did in high school was skip a class to read a comic book in the school’s bathroom. Not exactly daredevil behavior.’

Bev sips from her whiskey, winking at Richie whose face turns beet red for a reason Eddie can’t decipher. It’s not until Bev conspicuously blows out a gust of air with her lips puckered that Eddie connects the dots.

‘Didn’t you say you ditched because you were smoking with Beverly? Dude did you fucking lie about that? I was worried you’d die and get cancer ever since that day you piece of shit.’

‘No I definitely did smoke. I swear.’

‘You’re not kidding anyone Rich, I vouched for you all those years ago, but I’m not doing it again. Little Richie was a comic book nerd who just pretended to be really cool. We never ever smoked together.’

The losers all holler, clapping their hands together and cheering on the exposure of their foulmouthed friend, debunking all the story Richie apparently made up where he and Be had to sneak out at night to smoke inconspicuously, with the exception of Eddie and Richie. Eddie, because he’s busy glaring at Richie and Richie because he’s busy tapping Bill’s hand away, teasingly disheveling his hair.

Eddie wishes he was brave enough to give these little affections to his friend, especially after witnessing how soothed Richie got when Eddie hugged him after Neibolt, when he had dropped his face into the nape of Eddie’s neck and stayed there, swaying on his feet of exhaustion. It would only make him a good friend, a best friend, but Eddie is still so damn afraid.

He might have had the power to separate from his wife and kill an abstract form of his deepest fears, but Bowers angry yelled words, such as fairy and faggot, swung to his head any time he and Richie graveted closer while walking, haunt him even now.

Touching is off limits the words tell him, so he shows affection the only way he’s ever known towards Richie, by bickering and pulling pigtails.

‘I should have expected that.’ Eddie nods vehemently, laughing as Richie’s mouth drops open in a shocked manner.

‘Are you kidding me? Eddie Spaghetti is the one telling me I’m a loser?’

Eddie flips him off, ignoring Mike’s whispered; ‘he’s got a point’, in favor of levitating his full attention on Richie. The giggling in the room elevates an octave higher.

‘You all laugh’, Richie addresses the entire group, ‘but was I not the one who came up with the idea for the list?’

Abruptly, all sounds snap off, as everyone is snapped back to the past. Even Richie is, at face value, confused about the word he spoke, until the concept and creation of the list is brought to the forefront of everyone’s mind.

‘Holy shit.’

‘Oh my god Mike please tell me you still have it.’

Mike shakes his head with a far-off look. ‘Sorry guys, I don’t know who had it last but I never found it again.’ He’s saddened by it, like he did them all an injustice by not holding on to a flimsy piece of paper.

The List, capital L, was nothing more but a checklist, composed with all the fun and dangerous things the losers all had hopes of doing after graduating high school. Eddie remembers now, the hushed laughter and uncompromisable joy that came with the simple idea of these things, how everyone pitched in and added dare after dare while him and Stan exchanged glances and hoped to god that some things would never be executed.

‘That’s okay Mike, I’m just happy we can all remember making it.’ Ben smiles reassuringly Mike’s way, who smiles back and takes a deep breath.

‘Wait, I think I can recall some of the things we wrote on there. Hold on’, Bev squeezes her eyes shut and snaps her finger in the hope it will get to her faster. ‘Oh’, she exclaims, startling Bill who chokes on his own saliva, ‘we were going to visit Europe, do a high rope parkour, rock climb and some other things I can’t remember right now.’

‘Didn’t we also agree to volunteer in a hospital and go camping in the national forest?’ Ben asks, awaiting confirmation.

‘Yeah we did, Stan was throwing a fit over going camping because of the environment and the dirt, but we were well on our way to convince him.’

‘Wow,’ Richie breathes, chest puffing up and head dropping back into the couch so his face isn’t visible to the rest. ‘I forgot all about that, but come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I did most of those things with Bryan.’

And who the fuck is Bryan? Certainly not Eddie, sweating in fear from the things that were being listed, searching for the most extreme dares he’d seen happen on tv to suggest, doing anything he could to impress Richie. Eddie was terrified of most of the activities on the list, like Bev’s idea to waterski in the ocean, or Mike’s zip lining idea, but he would have done them if it meant he could bask in Richie’s attention, impress Richie to rid himself of scared baby Eddie was so sure he must have been in Richie’s eyes. So who the hell was this Bryan stealing his thunder like that?

‘Who’s Bryan?’ Bev inquires with a smirk, winking at Richie blush ridden face. Eddie’s jealousy rears its ugly head, flaring up and making his head woozy. He simultaneously both considers choking Bev and thanking her for the question.

With Richie’s secret fresh on his mind, the way he’d so shamefully admitted that he was gay and they were the first people he’d ever found the courage to tell, Eddie wondered if Bryan was perhaps someone Richie had been romantically involved with.

Richie would have deserved it, Eddie argues in his mind, to at least for a short period of time have someone love him back as fiercely as he dons it out, but Eddie’s also furious that he stole Richie out from under his nose.

Which is illogical, because even if he and Richie had managed to stay in touch, and Eddie confessed – not much chance there, as Eddie didn’t even tell anyone he was gay when Richie did - there was no guaranty that Richie would’ve reciprocated.

‘No one snoopy’, Richie argues with a jittery leg, ’just some guy I hung out with for a while.’

Bev appears unconvinced, but she’s also respectful towards Richie's decision to not say anything. ‘So which ones did you complete?’

‘I went to Europa senior year of college, smoked a bunch of weed, went zip lining. The normal kind of stuff.’

Zip-lining, or smoking weed for that matter, causes Eddie skin to crawl, not that he’d ever admit it. He hates that that’s not the case for Bryan.

‘Well thanks Rich, none of us ever did anything on the list without the other losers. I guess you didn’t miss us too much.’ It’s not fair, of course it’s not. He can tell by the eagerness to spend time together that Richie was very lonely, and experienced the same aching emptiness where his friends were supposed to be as the rest of them.

The bitter tone of Eddie's speech, and the way Richie’s eyes turn a little dimmer extinguishes the fire of Eddie’s envy. Richie deserves better than him in every way. An apology lies at the tip of his tongue, ready to jump into the open and hopefully aid the wounds before they’re fully developed.

Sensing the impending hurricane of trouble on the horizon Mike is eager to intervene, playing mediator for two forces that are about to collide. ‘Well I mean, we probably wouldn’t have gone through with most of them anyway.’

‘Speak for yourself’, Eddie waves him off, spiteful that Mike has a good point. He would have found a way to undermine their plans and make it so that he could back out without appearing like a meek lamb, for at least half of the activities. If he had known about Bryan’s existence though, he would have done anything. He feels ready now to do anything, to one up him and establish his spot as Richie’s number one.

‘Prove it,’ Bill dares with a lopsided smirk, certain he’s got Eddie beat. He sustains eye contact, reaching for the bag of chips on the table and gnawing on it with the most smug aura Eddie has ever witnessed him having.

‘I would’, Eddie defends fiercely, ‘but we can’t do any of the things in Derry.’

‘Sounds like a cop out to me.’

‘Yeah, sure Big Bill, because you can easily find a zip line here in Derry. The town that refused to spend money on renewing the library back in the eighties is no doubt going to have that installed by now.’

‘What about skinny dipping?’ Ben proposes innocently, having no idea the kind of strain he’s putting Eddie under.

‘That’s a great idea Ben, I forgot we put that one on the list.’ Beverly acknowledges despite Eddie’s frantic head shaking. The room temperature drops down and rises back up steadily, at least according to Eddie. He’s starting to sweat, something he never does and takes pride in – in the office he’s the level headed one, and that’s saying something – and he pulls at his collar to allow some air to ventilate.  

Everything except that. A swim in a dirty lake that was most likely infected was a whole plate of different bacteria, and being naked in front of the man he’s in love with is not something Eddie is particularly fond of. He almost asks for a different thing to do, but that would truly be a cop out, and he both refuses to back down in front of Richie and give Bill the satisfaction of being right.

‘Good luck with that Eds, question before this all goes down, am I allowed to use this in my next bit?’

‘Actually,’ Bev interrupts, ‘I think you should join him too.’

‘Hey I wasn’t the one that said I’d be willing to do anything.’

‘No, but you were the one who added it on the list in the first place. C’mon Richie, It’ll be fun. For us, not for you guys, but we’ll get a good laugh out of it.’

Richie is hesitant, same as Eddie, readjusting his glasses again. Eddie is sure that if he says the word Richie will tell everyone to back down for him. He wouldn’t even make fun of Eddie for it, should Eddie give any indication that he wouldn’t want him too. He thinks back to Bryan, and how he wouldn’t have backed down for such a thing, and how in awe Richie must have been seeing the man abandon all safety precaution and go for it, Eddie’s mind is made up instantly.

‘Let’s do it.’ He says without leaving room for argument, nodding at Richie as he looks to him. He hopes Richie will go with it, but is also confident that of course he will. As kids they followed each other everywhere, and surely that hasn’t changed.

‘Really? I mean yeah – sure I guess. Bring it on.’

-----

The Derry midnight breeze is freezing, Eddie notes, still dressed in a shirt and pants and dreading having to get rid of them. He’s barefoot now, standing on top of the quarry and peering down into the glinting lake. Eddie’s jumping from one foot to the other, annoyed that dirt is clinging to his skin and branches are piercing his soles, even more aggravated at the idea of cleaning them in infection filled lake water. Bev better keep her end of the promise, and be waiting near the end of the lake with a pair of fresh pressed towels.

Next to him, also bare foot, Richie looks over his shoulder, and laughs, bright and innocent.

‘I forgot how high this was.’

It is high up, but they’ve done this jump at least a hundred times before, so Eddie’s not worried about the plunge. He’d assume Richie isn’t either, but the man keeps glances towards the path they took to get up here, uncharacteristically silent.

‘It’s okay if you're too scared to go through with it Eduardo, I won’t tell the others.’ Richie smirks when he notices Eddie’s glance, crossing his arms over his chest.

The movement makes his shoulders bulk, highlighting just how much bigger Richie is compared to Eddie. Eddie’s mouth waters, and he starts to worry about how he’s going to have to get through seeing Richie’s naked shoulders in the flesh.

‘Just get undressed will you? Hurry up.’

‘Why? Eager to see my bare ass?’

‘Yeah, because who doesn’t think jumping naked into a lake they frequented as kids is the epitome of sexiness? No you self-centered idiot, I want to get it over with so I can go back to the Inn and grab a warm shower.’

With one last peek, Eddie moves backwards, standing away from the ledge and begins to unbutton his shirt, before thinking better off it. Richie picks up on his hesitation, shifting backwards too and motioning his head towards the ridge.

‘Do you want me to show you how it’s done?’

‘No,’ Eddie objects, ‘I’ll go first.’

‘Why? I’m not going to stare at your junk while you're jumping in if that’s what you're worried about Eddie. I’m not that kind of gay.’ Rarely does Richie toss aside an opportunity to grant Eddie another humorous nickname, so the use of his real name spooks Eddie just enough that he opens his mouth to apologize without even realizing what he’s apologizing for.

Richie’s facial expression, set in a grimace and squinting his eyes defensively, are a dead give away that Eddie’s words are being taken the wrong way. If only Richie knew that Eddie wanted him to go in first so he could avoid the same temptation Richie thought he was forcing on him.

‘Richie no, that’s not what I meant I-.’ Heartfelt compliments are not something Eddie has had a lot of practice for these last few years, and he’s not doing a good job catching up on them either. Therefore he sighs and hopes that he can find another way to prove to Richie he’d never accuse him of something like that. ‘Whatever, just go first already.’

‘Fine but turn around okay?’

Eddie listens to him, back towards Richie and the jump off, though he doesn’t really understand the request. With Richie comes a lot of flair, and he was more or less been prepared for a joke about how Eddie got to confirm how big his dick is in reality.

He waits and listens carefully for the sounds of clothes being dropped on the ground, and he can’t stop his mind from secretly imagining how Richie looks like without them once he distinguishes it.  Eddie shakes his head, scolding his own mind.

The next few moments are filled with raspy breaths originating from Richie, footstep sounding further away and then closer again in an erratic pattern. He must be scared of the jump. Under normal circumstances, Eddie would ask to jump in at the same time, but since Richie asked Eddie not to turn around, he won’t.

‘If you don’t jump in the next five minutes,’ Eddie teases, the way Richie used to tease him, ‘I’ll push you in.’ A second later Eddie hears Richie’s loud whooping as he plunges down into the dark water.

Eddie spins, the only thing greeting him the dark with very little light clearing up his path, from the moon. He’s having a hard time to even see where the cliff ends, and he can’t disguise Richie in the water at all.

‘I’m coming in’, he yells to the void, in case Richie can’t discern his body in time and needs to move out of the way. He takes off his clothes, goosebumps erupting on his skin, and folds his pants and t-shirt up neatly, touching the ground with his hands to find a dry spot to lay them on. The air is cold, and so Eddie refuses to linger on top any longer than he has to.

He jogs up to the ledge and darts off before his mind can conjure up the thousands of things that can go wrong from swimming in the dark this late at night. His body flies through the air and connects with the water in one swoop, a pit of glee bursting in Eddie’s stomach. Jumping from the quarry equals freedom, a hot summer day and love for all of his friends, but in particular Richie.

Eddie keeps his head underwater until his lungs burn, eyes closed and allowing himself to just feel all the sensations. Then, something tickles the back of his leg, and the peaceful moment is over. He kicks back the surface, away from the spot where he could swear something touched him, and searches around for Richie.

Richie, with his wet black hair clinging to his forehead, strands of it sticking out in every direction, and his droplet covered glasses, roving more of Eddie’s heart each minute they’re near each other. He’s never looked more beautiful, and Eddie has never had to fight the urge to kiss him as much as he does now.

‘See, I told you I wouldn’t stare Eds, I can’t even see anything with all these splatters on my glasses.’

The moon reflects on the water, so that it’s impenetrable, and neither Rich nor Eddie can look down and see their lower body parts.

What Eddie can see is enough anyway, Richie’s shoulders and part of his chest hold Eddie’s attention, and he forgets to respond to Richie’s comment.

His eyes land on a dark bruise, just on the bottom of Richie’s neck, a remnant of their fight with Pennywise earlier that day. Without thinking, without standing still on the consequences of such an action, Eddie swims closer, stretches his arm out, and lingers his fingertips over the bruise. He carefully positions his body to not touch any other body part of Richie’s except for his fingers on his neck.

He makes an inquisitive noise, thumb stroking over the injury in what he hopes to be a calming matter. He physically can’t pull away, entranced with the way he moves and responds to him, trying but failing to get his fill of Richie clenched.

‘Eddie’, Richie whispers, scared to break the silence and the intimate moment. ‘It’ll be fine. And hey, at least he didn’t do anything to my dick.’

‘Yeah, would have been a shame if it were to become even smaller.’

Richie snorts, retaliating the jest with a wave of dirty water aimed at Eddie.

Eddie gasps, spitting out a bit of water that managed to sneak into his mouth. ‘Oh you’re on.’

The two of them chase each other, and if it weren’t for the fact that they were both naked, Eddie would have thrown his entire body weight in the game to push Richie underwater. As it stands, they just splash back and forth until they’re exhausted and the remnants of their laughter dies out, barely enough energy left to stay afloat side by side.

‘Did you have this much fun with Bryan?’ Eddie asks, a bit envious. He hates how he’s still stuck on the Bryan thing, hates that his mind keeps popping images of them doing the exact same thing only to end it with a kiss.

‘What?’

‘With Bryan, the guy you did all that other stuff with?’

‘Oh no, me and Bryan – we were never together like that.’ Back at the hotel room, Eddie figured that that was a ploy to distract Bev, something Richie just said because he couldn’t comfortably admit the real intent of their relationship. But he’s never lied to Eddie, and his eyes, magnified by his glasses, seem so sincere, Eddie has no other option but to believe him. ‘I-I’m- some other guy already has that place all taken up.’

Eddie stupid, oblivious and dense and everything in between. He knows Richie isn’t talking about him, he knows he could never be the guy Richie would hold all hope out for – he also secretly hopes it’s none of the losers -, but he wants to be so bad. Just one time, just one kiss and he’d be sated enough to let go of his feral behavior towards any potential love interest Richie might have. Just one time.

‘Richie’, Eddie starts, biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. He’s taking a huge risk, by foreseeing a rejection but hoping that Richie won’t drop him as a friend because of this. If Eddie doesn’t do this, he’ll never stop wondering what it feels for their lips to meet. He’ll never get over Richie because he never got to experience any with him.

‘Can I kiss you?’ He risks releasing his lip.

Richie is visibly shocked. ‘What? What the fuck? Eddie is this a joke?’

The joke is, as usual, all on Eddie who regrets ever opening his mouth in the first place. He could try to laugh it off, say that it was a joke, but that would mean that he pretends to make a jest out of something Richie has struggled with for his entire life. He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Left with no other options but to further dig his own grave, Eddie decides to be honest. At least that means he gets to keep part of his integrity.

‘No Richie of course not, I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m sorry. Look I like you but it’s obviously one sided and I just wanted to know what it felt like to kiss you but it was a stupid request and I shouldn’t have asked you that. Oh god, I never even asked if you were dating someone –‘

‘Eds?’

‘- Fuck can we please forget I said anything so we can still hang out?’

‘Eddie?’

‘What?’

‘Yes. Please kiss me.’

Eddie gapes with his mouth open, struggling for breath and for words. He’s half convinced he misinterpreted  the words, but his tilted head proves otherwise. Eddie doesn’t question it further, counting his lucky start for once, and leaning in to his emotions and Richie, breaching the water to get to him.

Their kiss is surprisingly gentle for the ungovernable lead up prior to it. Richie’s lips taste like lake water, but deeper underneath lies a tang of something distinctively Richie. Eddie can’t wait to devour him whole once he’s cleaned up. Their lips move together in tandem, a perfect harmony that for once neither are willing to break.

They pull back, Richie’s arms circling Eddie’s waist, and he smiles. His smile mixed with the love stricken gleam in his eyes, mysteriously tells Eddie that Richie feels the exact same way he does. His chest caves with happiness.  

‘I like you too, if it wasn’t obvious. A lot more than Bryan.’

‘For the love of God can we never mention that again? It’s embarrassing. No, Hush’, Eddie says urgently, covering Richie’s mouth with his palm when he opens his mouth to conjure up another joke.

‘Fine,’ Richie says while pulling away from Eddie’s hand. ‘How about we talk about something else then? How the fuck are we supposed to get to our clothes?’

[phoenixkadeu]

petrol blues.

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

Love. Love is the warmest colour. Petrol blues.

the faintest of sounds assaulted the fire elementalist’s ears, a distant sound that was begging him to grasp onto reality. calloused hands tapped his bruised skin, released him of the shackles they had forced upon him but he had yet to realize that.

blue orbs moved beneath the skin of his eyelids, lost in a state between dreamless sleep and the harsh reality. it was a blessing, a short lived one as he finally opened his eyes, he looked at the woman above him, barely had time to analyze her features before deciding to close his eyes again.

nothing on his body ached despite having just endured one of the worst fights he had ever been involved in, his mind was still too confused to remember anything. he had no idea who that woman was and for a second he had even forgot who he was, all the memories of what had just happened were gone from his mind.

“asra, I’m gonna slap you hard if you don’t open your eyes again, I’m not joking” the voice was harsh, gifted him a headache and some clarity. tanya had counted ten dead bodies after  she had arrived, but she was sure there were more, she knew what this meant, it worried her, but there were other matters to take care of, more important ones.

“I swear you brat - ” and before the palm of her hand could collide with his face, he opened his eyes again, wide. “What happened? Did they take her?” the older questioned and the memories lost on asra’s mind came flooding back. 

a lit cigarette rests between his lips, hands deep in his pockets as his feet carry him through the familiar narrow streets of his neighbourhood. it does not bother him anymore the lack of children playing outside or the lack of sound that came from vivid bits of conversation shared between neighbours, most had taken refuge in the inside of their own homes only coming outside if necessary.

what asra did not know is that the calm he had been feeling was close to an end. he takes a turn, someone grabs onto his jacket from behind, his cigarette falls to the ground as he turns around quickly, one hand reaching out to grasp onto one of the other’s arm as his other hand immediately goes for the throat.

“ah fuck, you scared me, man. sorry” asra retreats his hands from the old man, apologizing even though he feels like his reaction was well placed. this man had been around since asra was born, always greeting him and his family everytime they passed in front of his house, asra had no idea how old he was but considering everyone knew him it was not hard to guess.

“you have to go home, kid, they came knocking on our doors minutes ago, took our food, punched some of us who wanted to fight or refused to do as they wanted” the words were hurried and quiet, asra had to crouch down a bit in order to understand the old man and as he did, wrinkled hands gripped him by the lapels of his jacket, pulled him until they were almost touching foreheads and then all of asra’s world crumbled down. “they are looking for water elementalists, someone told them your mother’s name, they know she’s been helping. they are going to take your mother, boy, hurry up!” asra was pushed, almost fell down in a stupor, the man ran back to his house away from any prying eyes and away from asra’s sight.

and then asra ran, did not look back even once, the only sound that echoed in the neighbourhood were his footsteps and his steady breathing. he did not have any time to think about whether those words were true or not, he could do that later, he was only focused on getting to his house.

once he was close enough he saw a group of men outside, the front door to his house had been kicked down and before he could react he saw two men coming from the inside, presenting a calm demeanor as they spoke with the rest of the group. asra did not stay for the rest, he knew his parents were not home and there was only one place left for them to be.

his father’s tavern.

asra opened the door in a rush, snow coming in through the open door. his mother was behind the bar, towel in hand as she cleaned some glasses, his father sitting in one of the bar stools calmly talking about something until asra’s sudden appearance made them stop what they were doing.

“you have to get out of here, now” he pointed at his mother, offered no explanation as he approached them. palms met the clean surface of the bar countertop, he pushed himself up until he was able to swing his body above it, landing beside his mother. his hands gripped her shoulders, pushing her backwards, but his mother was having none of it, her hands reached out to grip his face in a warm embrace.

“please, talk to me, what is happening?” this time her sweet tone was not enough to make him calm down, his chest felt heavy as he looked into her blue eyes, hands leaving her shoulders to grasp her hands, pulling them away from his face. asra had painted that frown on her face but he had no time to apologize.

“you have to leave, those fuckers snitched on you after you had nearly killed yourself just to help them and now someone is coming for you, I’m not sure who but you have to leave” he did not shout, did not even appear angry, but that all changed once his mother decided to reply.

“oh. is that all, dear? that’s fine” her lips stretched into a soft smile, kind eyes staring back at him. “it’s no surprise, so you have to let me go, I don’t want any of you getting hurt, alright?”

asra looked back at his father, gave him a pleading look. he knew his mother could not fight in the condition she was now, still weak, still recovering from exhaustion and that was one of the reasons why he could not sit still and let them take her, who knew what they would do with her? he would not sacrifice his own mother just so she could be a part of their little games.

his father gave him a nod, looked at his wife and said “we’re sorry” asra saw the way her face twisted, desperation evident on her face as her own son pushed her into the pantry, locking her from outside. 

suddenly there were two loud banging noises, one coming from his mother who was calling out their names, begging from them to let her out and let her go and one coming from the front door. his father reached for behind the counter and pulled a ridiculous long knife. 

asra waited behind his father. the sounds coming from outside got louder, drowned out the hoarse screams coming from his mother and after a few minutes the door feel to the ground in a loud thud, a group of men came in uninvited. asra looked at them and shouted, “hey there, you guys want a drink?”

everything was going well. sure he had basically burned the entirety of his father’s tavern, but he did not care, there was something bad inside of him and it had just came out to play. he could not see anything beyond those men, their faces, their weapons and how willing they were to die just to get to his mother.

his father had taken down three man, before one finally got to him. he did not call out for his son, simply accepted his own fate because he knew that asra would take care of it, he would give his life if it meant that his child and his wife were safe.

asra had killed more people than he could count, too lost on his task to notice the almost fatal blows his father had suffered. he was sure someone had called for more men because the amount of them seemed infinite, every time asra turned around there were more.

but then the only person who could make him stop appeared, the one asra was protecting and simultaneously the one kol’s men had been looking for. 

“asra stop!” her fingers were bloody, her face drowning in her tears as she crouched down beside her husband, clutched onto his clothes desperately. it threw asra off, gave them the opportunity to grab him, shackles surrounded his ankles before pulling them, making him fall to the ground, his head hitting the side of a table in the process.

this is what she wanted to prevent, the savagery that clubs were known for. she wished she had the time to explain herself better before they got attacked, she wished she had the time to come up with a plan that did not end up with her losing her family. she was not afraid of fighting back, she was not afraid of what would happen to her if she ended up being taken, she was afraid of this.

“look at your father!” and asra looked, blamed himself for not paying attention to the one that was fighting beside him. he struggled against the chains around his ankles and wrists as he watched them pull his mother away from his father.

“don’t touch her!” he shouted, tears burning his eyes as he trashed around until someone pulled him by the hair so he could stand on his knees. everything ceased once he felt something covering his mouth, angry eyes widening once he understood what it was.

“these fuckers can spit fire too did you know?” the one behind asra spoke, he heard some other laugh and in that moment asra swore once he got out of here he would kill every single one of them.

“yeah, we should warn kol about these traitors” kol. the ace of clubs. the responsible for all of this. “you just chose the wrong side, don’t make us come back to finish you” 

Unfortunately these men were the one’s who had chosen the wrong person to mess with and as they hit asra across the head, his last thought was that he was gonna throw this whole territory upside down until he found his mother.

[lucas-koh]

Stitches - Bryce Lahela x MC V

Parts 1-4 are linked in my bio.

Doesn’t exactly follow canon, but elements of canon. FWB.

Song: Sudden Desire - Hayley Williams

Rating: M; implied sex, sexual language, swearing, mentions of medical procedures

Word Count: 3305

Taglist: @lahellacute @lahamseiroshoe @anotherbeingsworld @fuseboxmusebox @choicesficwriterscreations @bubblelaureno @bratzlahela

Chapter Five: The Tale and The Missed Moment

Bryce and Suki’s Fuck Buddy Agreement:

1. No work-place hookups.

2. No staying the night.

3. Always use the signal. 👃

4. No drunk texting a sober person.

5. No visible marks.

6. Proof of sexual health.

7. Keep it casual.

—-

Santa Fe: this is Suki hello

Santa Fe: i’ve sent the list

Scalpel Jockey: 👃

Santa Fe: that’s it, 👃

Scalpel Jockey: 👄

Scalpel Jockey: shit I meant 👃

Scalpel Jockey: big thumbs oops!

Seen on 15th October

—-

The following weeks felt like months. Work was long, it was stressful, and it was exhausting. Sometimes all Suki wanted to do was curl up into a ball in bed and sleep for as long as possible, letting the stress of working long hours in hospital compress out of her. Sometimes, she wanted to bundle up on the sofa and watch movies with her roommates. But sometimes, Suki wanted to release her tension in other ways. Ways that involved Bryce Lahela.

They left before the morning, were careful with their grip and kisses so as to not leave any marks, and they kept work at work. The arrangement was working out perfectly, and the rules proved successful as well.

So, on paper, everything was going fine.

And everything was still fine when Halloween rolled around and the roommates planned a relaxed evening at Donahue’s followed by horror movies. They didn’t really get a chance to dress up due to work schedules and a lack of time, but they were dressed up in spirit.

They arrived early and snagged a booth: Jackie and Suki squeezing in on one side and Sienna and Aurora on the other. Elijah wheeled his chair under the head of the table. They chatted for a bit before Sienna jumped up to order a round.

A few beers and shots (courtesy of Jackie) later, the group were having some in depth conversations, making jokes, and generally enjoying each others company.

There was a rowdy, annoying group of surgical interns stood nearby the entrance. No sign of Bryce there, however. Suki was somewhat disappointed, it was an amusing thought to her to see Bryce out the open again since they’d made their rules. She’d been to his a couple of times since then, but they hadn’t seen each other all that much really. Those times had been quick and at the end of long work days too, so Suki was looking forward to being able to draw things out a bit more at some point soon. She’d been quite obviously avoiding hookups at her house if it could be helped, because there were too many risk factors.

Plus, with him being a surgeon his hours were completely different to Suki’s, and actually stealing moments could prove tricky. She might’ve been one of the best medical interns, but word at Edenbrook was that Bryce was excelling over all the surgical interns, actually being able to watch a few surgeries, too.

That being said, she was glad he wasn’t there. She was able to enjoy a lovely evening with her roommates without thinking about only her carnal desires.

But as though the world was sending her a sign, the bell over the door rang to indicate someone entering. Bryce entered by himself, walking straight past the rowdy group of surgical interns and heading right for the roommates. He was wearing a plain black tee and distressed blue jeans, a very different look to his green scrubs.

What was he doing here, if not to see the surgical interns? Had he come to drink… alone? Or had one of the roommates told him they’d be there? They had invited him to the housewarming party, after all.

Then again, if it wasn’t for that party, they never would have come to their little agreement.

There was a knowing smirk on his face as he got closer to the group.

Suki felt her stomach contract a little; they hadn’t really interacted that much as a group since the two had devised their little plan. She wasn’t going to let anything slip, but she couldn’t promise she wouldn’t be maybe a little awkward. Just a tad.

“Hey man! Come join us,” Elijah invited. Bryce grinned and squeezed in beside Suki on the bench.

She cleared her throat uncomfortably, not looking Bryce in the eye as she gave a greeting nod. His leg pressed against hers where they sat, and he was now so close that Suki could smell his cologne. Of course, nowadays, she only smelt that when they were having sex, so the smell brought her head right back to all those moments.

“Don’t you have friends over there?” Suki asked, motioning her head to where the group of surgical interns were congregated. They were now laughing obnoxiously about something.

An odd expression flashed over his face suddenly but was quickly warped into a smirk. “Well I’d rather spend time with you lovely nose wipers.”

“Oi!” Protested Jackie.

“Welcome! Enjoy our Halloween celebrations. They’re pretty lowkey this year, I wish we could all dress up and go to a party or something but, work calls,” Sienna rushed, smiling at Bryce opposite her.

Now that he was closer, and his hands lay casually on the table in front of him, Suki could see a few silver rings assorted over his long fingers. Interesting. She had an impulse to reach out and brush her fingers over them, or to have them dig into her own fingers, her body. And from that moment, she was screwed for the rest of the night. Serves you right for being so goddamn thirsty.

A few hours later, more drinks down and the thoughts having continued through her head, Suki nudged Bryce gently with her shoulder. They’d all been talking as a group for the night, so they hadn’t spoken one-on-one at all yet. He looked over at her, his face pretty close due to them sitting in such proximity. She brushed her nose with her middle finger - she could pass it off as a simple scratch. Bryce smirked. His eyes flicked subtlety down to Suki’s lips, and he chuckled under his breath, moving a thumb over his bottom lip and hanging his head when he looked away from her.

Just as he was about to slide off the bench and make up an excuse to leave, Sienna shouted:

“Guys! According to google maps there’s a walking ghost tour nearby. We should go!”

“I’m kinda spent-“ Bryce began.

“No! No way you’re bailing on this, Lahela. You’re one of us ‘nose wipers’ now. We bought you drinks!” Sienna cut him off, her sweet features contorting into mock anger.

He blew air from his cheeks, but he didn’t seem annoyed. “Is everyone going?”

“I… guess?” Added Suki.

“I’m… not sure,” hesitated Elijah.

“They’re not scary, Elijah. It’s just a load of paranormal bullshit,” Jackie said.

After a bit of coaxing and a couple more shots, the group headed out of Donahue’s. They walked down a few roads before they found a man in a long leather coat holding a lantern. Sienna bounded up to him and handed him some money, the others pointing out they’d pay her back later. He introduced himself as Henry and noted that they’d wait for some more people.

Bryce and Suki kept glancing at each-other, knowing their previous plans were probably not likely to happen. Nonetheless, Sienna’s excitement was rubbing off on everyone, and even Elijah seemed into the idea. Jackie and Aurora were discussing whether or not they believed in ghosts.

Soon enough, a large group had formed around Henry, and he went into an animated sing-songy tale about the ghost history around that area of Boston.

“And in this very alley…” Henry said dramatically a little later, “is where the ghost resides. AH!” Henry let out a loud shout, causing Suki to jump back into Aurora.

“You okay?” Aurora laughed. Suki nodded with a flustered chuckle, then Henry continued leading them down the road.

Well, that wasn’t at all embarrassing.

“Awwww, don’t tell me you’re scared, Santa Fe?” Bryce sidled up beside her.

“Of course I’m not scared!” She protested, “it’s easy to be shocked by a jump scare,” she turned her face ever so slightly, obstructing the tell-tale look on her face from Bryce’s gaze.

Henry was a fantastic story teller, emphasising the right parts and using his face and body to convey the different emotions; the group found themselves being swept up in the story. Or, facts, if one believed in the supernatural. Things were calming down a little in terms of the group being freaked out, and every now and again Bryce would lean over to Suki and whisper some kind of commentary about Henry’s story. She could just tell he was the type to talk through movies. But she didn’t mind, and actually found it quite amusing.

Then, just seconds later, a young group of guys were walking past and noticed the ghost tour, and simultaneously jumped and shouted at the touring group. It was a poor attempt to scare them. At this, however, Bryce himself yelped loudly and backed into Suki. She caught him, even though he was heavy.

“Awww, don’t tell me you’re scared, Scalpel Jockey? And of teenagers?” Suki mocked in an echo of his words before, holding the backs of his biceps in support. He had no jacket on, so his arms were chilly and she could feel the faint goosebumps on his skin. She found herself hoping her grip might warm him up a little. She was a doctor, after all. After a few seconds Suki let go of Bryce and the two scrambled a little to catch up with the group.

“How was I supposed to know they were just kids?!”

Suki threw her head back with a cackle as the image of Bryce cowering away from a group of teenage boys replayed in her mind. She raised an eyebrow at him, pulling her lips into her mouth.

“I wasn’t scared, obviously. No ones scared of teenagers. Well, maybe those people Gerard Way was talking about,” he laughed, his cocky demeanour flooding back into his words and face.

“And old people. Actually – lots of people find teenagers scary.”

“Well, not me.”

“Wouldn’t have pegged you as an MCR kid, though.”

“Only on the down-low,” he gave her a wink, “I was far too cool for that at school.”

“Right,” she scoffed, “Just too cool. Cool enough that you basically shat yourself at a random guy fucking with us.”

“You jumped a minute ago!”

“Yeah, along with half the tour group.”

He harrumphed. She shoved him playfully with her shoulder, partly as part of the conversation, but partly to put a little distance between them. There was still some alcohol lurking in her system and she just wanted to pull him into the alley from before, but, she couldn’t. He didn’t come closer again after the nudge.

“Shhh!” Chastised Jackie from in front of them, who was utterly engaged in Henry’s commentary. Bryce and Suki exchanged a look and tried to keep their laughter as quiet as possible.

—-

Later on, the group were walking up toward their apartment, discussing the night’s events. Everyone had a great time, even if it might not have been the Halloween they were all used to. They walked in a staggered lump, moving fluidly between each-other. Their voices carried down the empty Boston residential blocks, yellowed streetlights illuminating their smiling faces, setting the mood for the comedown of the night perfectly.

“…The Shining, duh. And we can’t forget The Conjuring, or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. These are classics, Aurora,” Elijah babbled along to the group.

“I vote Halloweentown,” piped up Sienna. Aurora laughed and dug her keys out of her pocket.

“Bryce, you coming in for movies?” Asked Elijah.

“Ah,” he looked over at Suki very briefly, “best not. It might be Halloween but I don’t function well on no sleep. Plus, I’ve intruded for long enough.”

Suki knew that if Bryce stayed there was every chance he’d be ending the night in her bedroom, and she’d been avoiding that since the Aurora situation.

“Killjoy,” chuckled Jackie, giving him a friendly smack on the back before entering the apartment building.

“See you next time!” Sienna pulled Bryce in for a hug, her tiny frame dwarfed by his six odd feet and broad stature. Elijah and Aurora chimed in with their farewells.

“Well… goodnight then,” nodded Suki. She didn’t go in for any kind of farewell, it wasn’t really their style. Particularly not in the company of others.

“Yeah. See you around.”

There was a moment where they kind of stared at each-other that felt like it went on for hours, but in reality was brief.

And with that, Bryce walked off down the road. There was an odd pang in Suki’s chest at the missed opportunity as she watched his figure get smaller and smaller. She’d been waiting since she’d given him the signal at Donahue’s for a chance to sneak off, trying not to look at him too much during the ghost tour or walk too close to him. There was just something ridiculously engaging about paying too much attention to Bryce Lahela that made her lose all her other thoughts. Even if she didn’t really want him to come in given everyone else, there was a sort of disappointment that he hadn’t seemed to want to come in. He’d only given her the briefest look and there was no signal, no attempt to continue the night. But it obviously just wasn’t in the cards for her to get laid that night.

That being said, Suki had enjoyed herself way more than she’d anticipated: the tour itself was entertaining, and of course spending time with her friends. And… Bryce wasn’t all that bad. Maybe sex wasn’t all he was good for. But either way, she couldn’t let herself get too tangled up in the other aspects of his personality, it would get messy.

“Come on then,” Sienna ushered the rest of them inside.

—-

“Hey,” Bryce’s voice rose up from behind where Suki sat eating a sandwich in the cafeteria. She turned to face him, bread stuffed in her mouth, and followed him with her eyes as he took the seat opposite her.

“Hmi,” she tried to say through her mouthful.

He barked out a laugh and pulled a shiny red apple from his pocket, flipping it round in his hands.

“When you’ve finished your mouthful,” he wiggled his eyebrows, “you free tonight?”

“Yeah, why?”

He gave her a disbelieving smirk. “You know why.” He took a casual bite from the apple, the crisp crunch ringing in her ears over the ruckus of the cafeteria.

She laughed, realising. “Sorry, still in Doctor mode. You could’ve texted, you know.”

“Eh, you were here, I needed a seat to eat my apple in. So?”

“Yeah, I’m free. I’ll drop by after my shift.”

“Cool.” He took another crunch from his apple and stood from the table, gave Suki a nod, and then swaggered off out of the cafeteria without a look back.

“See ya,” she muttered to herself.

Didn’t he just say he wanted to sit down and eat his apple?

—-

Suki exhaled breathlessly as Bryce rolled away from her body. They were both left in a sheen of sweat and exhausted. After a couple of moments for the duo to catch their breath, Bryce turned to face his body to her, propping his head up on his hand.

“So, not to be a bed brag or anything but… you just had sex with the guy who’s assisting on Dr Tanaka’s next surgery.”

Suki let out a breathy chuckle.

“You are a brag.” Then she turned so that she faced him from the other pillow, also propping up her head on her hand, “Well done, though.” Her voice went softer, and her face took on a disarming sincerity.

Bryce was taken aback by her genuine praise, but he couldn’t let her know that.

“Thanks,” he said, eyebrows furrowed with humour, “I’m actually really excited.”

“What’s the surgery?”

“Only an appendectomy.”

“Only?”

He laughed, sinking his head back down onto the pillow. His hands cradled under his head.

“Yeah, it’s not particularly advanced. Still, gonna be fun.”

They were talking as though they were friends, which wasn’t really a label Suki had felt appropriate to ascribe to their relationship.

“When is it?” Suki, stop asking him questions! Then again, at this point it would be awkward if she just up and left.

“Next week. Pencil it in your calendar because you are going to have the best sex of your life that night.”

Suki let out a cackle. “Is there anything you don’t think you’re amazing at?”

Again, Bryce propped himself back up so that he was facing Suki. There seemed to be a restlessness to all this changing of positions.

“I’m not lying though, am I?” As he said this his voice was low and sultry, deep mahogany eyes watching her from under his lashes. Those were sticking together slightly from the sweat, Suki was close enough to notice. He brought one of his hands down under the covers and rested it on Suki’s hip.

“If you’re trying to get me to boost your ego - It won’t work.”

He smirked, knowing that the answer he’d been looking for was hidden in those words. And she did agree. He was amazing in bed.

Bryce drew barely-there circles on Suki’s hip, before pulling it towards him. Then he leaned his face right in, so that it was inches from hers.

“I don’t need you to say it because I can see it in your eyes,” and yes, he was looking straight into her eyes. But she felt sort of drunkenly infatuated with it, her desire growing by the second. “and feel it on your skin.” His grip on her hip tightened, the sweat condensing between their skin-on-skin contact. Now they were close enough that they could do it all over again if they wanted to.

Bryce trailed his finger up from Suki’s hip slowly, tickling her skin and giving her goosebumps, over the dip of her waist, the rise of her ribcage; all the way up to her neck. He splayed his hand out flat over the front of her neck, and tightened his grip. Just enough that she could feel it. Face still inches from her, he said:

“I just have an effect on people.”

And then in one swift movement, and a melodious laugh, Bryce pulled his hand and his body from hers, falling once again on his back at the pillow beside Suki’s.

Fucking hell. Talk about flustered! Suki tried to pretend she was unaffected, also flopping back onto her pillow. He did have an effect on people and he knew full well by now that Suki, despite her best efforts to conceal the fact, was not someone who handled being flustered well. And let’s be honest, she wouldn’t keep sleeping with the guy if it wasn’t something she was enjoying.

Despite that, though, there she was, lying in Bryce’s bed post-lay and completely naked, and not worrying about it. Not in the way she’d worried their first morning, shuffling to cover herself with her bedsheets. She supposed by now he knew her body inside and out, and that emotional intimacy she’d been scared of had warped into a purely carnal intimacy. Plus, the fact that she hadn’t just woken up next to him, slightly hungover, probably helped.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that,” she practically choked out, as though his hand was still splayed over her neck.

He could tell he’d affected her, and that classic smirk spread wider over his face as he stared at his bedroom ceiling.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

All right, more writing advice has occurred to me, as promised, so here it is.

Writing Advice #2: Find a scene you like in a story you enjoy and dissect it.

I say a scene you like, not a scene you love, because honestly you’re probably never going to enjoy the scene again by the time you’re done.  BUT.

Find a good scene in a good book, and list as many observations about the scene as you possibly can.  Figure out: what does that scene accomplish?  How does it follow on from past scenes?  How does it set up future scenes?  What does it do for the characters and/or plot?  Most importantly, how did the author make it do that?  Do it in a macro level, for plot and character and theme.  Do it on a micro level, for individual word choices.

I’ll use an example from #22: The Solution, because this is me and I never shut up about Animorphs.  And I’m gonna do just a macro-level breakdown, to see how that scene fits within the book to understand why I like it so much.

One of my favorite scenes from #22 involves the entire extended Berenson family crowding into a hospital room to witness the “miraculous” “recovery” of “Saddler” — really David using Saddler’s DNA to sneak into Saddler’s family — before Jake and Rachel, the only two Berensons in the know, step out into the hallway.  In classic Berenson style they deal with their feelings by shouting and nearly coming to blows... but they gradually open up to each other about the fact that they’re both feeling scared and helpless right now.  They actually hug, the only time we ever see Jake and Rachel show that much affection, and resolve to handle this David-Saddler situation together.  The Hallway Scene (as Cates and I call it) is p. 107 - 113 in #22, most of Chapter 21.

So how does Applegate set that scene up?

First of all, we get exposition on the Saddler situation.  It comes up twice earlier in the book — once in the form of Naomi giving Rachel an update while Rachel staggers off to bed after fighting David all night, once in the form of Jordan seeking Rachel’s big-sister comfort about the situation in a conversation Rachel later realizes David overheard.  Both of those moments mean it makes sense when Rachel’s struggle against David gets interrupted by her mom bringing her to the hospital to visit an injured cousin.  That moment with Jordan also sets up David’s decision to kill and replace Saddler, while on the surface being a tough-but-sweet moment between sisters.  So the reader understands the Saddler situation pretty well, and thus it’s equipped to drive the plot.  We also don’t need exposition about it during The Hallway Scene, and can thus focus on just the characters there.

Second, we get Jake and Rachel’s dynamic.  The book opens with Rachel going into a rage and promising to murder David when she discovers Jake lying on the floor of the mall.  Through the planning and execution of the Hulk Smash the team does on the G8 summit, we see that Jake and Rachel work together seamlessly during emergencies — and that they fall into bickering once the emergency ends.  Later, we get Rachel’s first attempt to confront Jake about his willingness to use her as a weapon against David as they’re on Jake’s front porch, only to have Jake cut Rachel off with a reminder that Tom is inside the house.  All of these scenes build up the tension between Jake and Rachel but allow it no release until The Hallway Scene.

Third, we get the mood.  Rachel misses her first night of sleep in the opening sequence, when Ax gets her out of bed and she ends up hunting David clear until dawn.  Rachel misses her second night of sleep when the Animorphs resort to a smash ‘n’ burn on the G8 summit.  Rachel misses her ability to catch up on sleep when Jordan comes into her room, and then David reveals he’s been in her room as well for an unknown amount of time.  Not only has she been without rest for the past three days, she’s been unable to relax anywhere: David might be in her house, David might be in her school, David might be in Cassie’s barn, David might be Marco, David might be crawling on her skin.  Rachel and Jake’s confrontation is dangerously close to being public — they’re in a hallway of a hospital — but they’re exhausted and have nowhere else to go.

Fourth, the book sets up the contrast between appearance and reality within the Berenson family.  Obviously the whole series is about how appearances are misleading, but this book has several moments with Rachel reflecting on her mall-rat past self and realizing that that girl is a killer now.  There’s also the moment where she says “[Jake] was sitting there, looking like any other kid stuck in any other boring minivan.  If you saw him walk down the street you might think, Oh, there’s a nice-looking guy... /But then, I guess that’s true of everyone.  You can never be sure whether the pretty blond lugging a pair of bulging Express bags through the mall is just another sweet, ditzy, harmless mall rat.  /Or me.”  Rachel is conscious that the Berenson family is simultaneously the most “nice-looking” (white, upper-class, close, mostly nuclear) and in some ways the messiest family even on their whole team of messy families.

Their very closeness is what makes Tom’s yeerk so capable of hurting Jake and Steve — as Tobias points out in #31, any yeerk in his family could just tell his guardians to fuck off and that’d be the end of it.  Their very closeness is what enables Jake to trust Rachel up to the point of asking her to commit murder, and what enables Rachel to trust Jake up to the point of committing murder on his say-so.  But it’s not until The Hallway Scene that we see Rachel’s understanding of “appearances are deceiving, especially in this family” and her understanding of “I’m a lot more scared of myself than anyone realizes” coalesce onto the epiphany of “oh wait, Jake feels the same way I do.”

So how does that scene set up the rest of the book?

This breakdown’s a little simpler, because this scene is 75% of the way through the book and 95% of the way through the trilogy.

First, it takes away a lot of David’s power, because being vulnerable with each other allows Rachel and Jake bring the team dynamic back in line.  All of a sudden David’s attempts to sow discord — calling Rachel a monster, gloating about killing Tobias, pretending to be Marco — shift from being terrifying and heartbreaking to being... there.  Rachel has all the power in that scene in the Taco Bell, even though David continues to think that he has the power, and part of the reason that’s true is that she has her team at her back now.

Second, it sets up the resolution.  The Hallway Scene allows Jake and Rachel to confront their own brutality, and to a certain extent they choose to embrace that brutality because they see no other way out of the situation.  Thus Jake green-lights Cassie’s plan to trap David as a rat, and Rachel does the dirty work of executing that plan.

Third, it prepares several other moments of uniquely brutal vulnerability between these two later on in the series.  Jake morphs howler for the first time while cradled between Rachel’s grizzly-bear paws, because she’s the one he trusts to kill him instantly if he can’t control the morph (#26).  Rachel spends the entirety of #37 denying that she got a civilian killed until the moment she can finally talk to Jake about it, and Jake all-but confesses to having done the same.  Jake can’t bring himself to ask Rachel directly to kill Tom in a suicide mission, but Rachel understands what he’s saying all the same, and makes him agree in exchange not to blame himself for their deaths (#53).

Fourth, it shifts the mood away from the kids feeling more and more trapped in their ever-shrinking corner, toward the kids realizing they’ve all got each other in that corner.  David’s fate is a terrible secret binding the team together, and it’s the reason that these six never really trust anyone but each other ever again in the series.  Jake’s scared of himself, Rachel’s scared of herself, but at least from here on out they can be scared together.

Why’s The Hallway Scene so impactful?

Contrast, mostly.  For instance, Applegate could’ve written a scene where Rachel reacts to finding out that Michelle’s and the other vets’ intervention kept Jake alive long enough for him to demorph and survive David’s attack.  There could’ve even been a scene with Rachel hugging Jake in a thank-god-you’re-alive way, processing the earlier emotion of having found him dying on the floor of the mall.  However, if we had gotten that moment, then it wouldn’t be nearly as surprising or as bittersweet when Jake and Rachel hug in the hospital hallway.  In canon, we get told-not-shown about the aftermath of Jake being rescued, and Rachel just assumes that neither she nor Jake needs a hug after all that because they’re Built Berenson Tough and must be fine.

Another hypothetical: Applegate could’ve set that same scene somewhere safe for them to talk freely, like the clock tower or another location David doesn’t know.  Or she could’ve set the scene somewhere completely unsafe, like Saddler’s hospital room where both Tom and David are within earshot.  However, setting it somewhere completely safe would raise the possibility that Jake and Rachel morph and attempt to do real violence to each other.  The scene wouldn’t work as well if they had quite that much freedom of expression, and quite that little urgency about talking things out right now.  Setting it somewhere unsafe might have interesting implications if they’re forced to use doublespeak the whole time (as we see them doing on the phone) but wouldn’t allow them enough space to be as emotionally vulnerable as we see them being in canon.  Forcing them to have the appearance of a normal conversation from a distance, while also allowing them to say what they will without fear of eavesdroppers, gives us exactly the right balance of tension.

How’d Applegate to it?

Not in the first draft, I guarantee you.  Attempting to fit a scene that well into a book that doesn’t yet fully exist is quite simply impossible.  Maybe there was a scene where Rachel gave Jake a thank-god-you’re-not-dead hug after Michelle fixed him, and it got taken out later.  Maybe the Saddler situation was originally explained as Rachel was already on her way to the hospital, and the exposition got deliberately moved to an earlier and less-tense moment in the plot.  Point being, it took writing and rewriting and rerewriting to get the book to fit together that well, and the same is true of any book that flows well in its entirety.

My other guess about what went on behind the scenes: lots of prewriting.  Lots of outlining the whole series, lots of “what would Rachel do?”, lots of research on elephants and rats and dolphins and eagles.

All of that is work.  All of that is a pain.  All of that is returning to a project even after the glow of initial excitement is gone.  All of that is fighting the urge to scream and yeet the draft after getting criticism.  But books don’t function if you don’t put that much work into them.

[nurseofren]

TW: body dysmorphia, body talk, binge eating, disordered eating, my mother, fatphobia, depression, weight mention

It runs deep and it starts so early.

I feel I should write this without generalizing, as I think body dysmorphia/binge eating/eating disorders are very personal and individual experiences, so I don’t want to group anyone into this.

So I guess I’ll start off with why I felt the need to get this out of my head: eating.

Eating hasn’t been an experience focused around nourishing my body in a long time. Eating is something very touchy for me. It has been even more so this past year. And I’ll get into that.

But I’ll just describe it as how it feels right now. It’s like this big secret. It’s something shameful. It’s something to hide. Because no matter the portion size, it feels like I’m doing something wrong.

“You are all of that?”

“Do you feel sick? You didn’t take that much food.”

As someone who detrimentally tried to please everyone, who tries to read the room and scope out the correct action, it’s been very confusing.

I have to bring up my mother. Because as much as I wish one issue didn’t involve her, I’m finding that’s true very little of the time.

She cooks for the family. Always has. And I was scorned for not eating something. Even if I didn’t like it, it would always end in “you are a stubborn child. You are a picky eater. You’ll eat what I make or you can make a peanut butter sandwich. I just suck, don’t I? Why do I even bother?”

So it’s confusing as a grown woman living with her parents — a situation I’m working toward changing soon, hoping for next Fall — to be told that i don’t have to clear my plate. And then I can not eat something and I’ll still get the aforementioned comments, but it’s not forced on me like it was when I was young.

It’s these learned behaviors that were expected of me at a young age that fester and leave me vulnerable to fits of BD, BE.

And then there’s another level to it.

“No we’re not getting [fast food establishment], none of us (i. e. my family who is fat) need that anyway”

“You only need a super small piece, it’s so rich”

“Those clothes weren’t made for big girls”

*justification of eating a meal because a prior meal was skipped*

“Those shorts look a little tight”

“Big girls shouldn’t do cheerleading, it’s embarrassing”

“No we’re not getting dessert! None of us need it, anyway!”

My mother is fat. I’m fat. I grew up fat with a fat mother. But I grew up fat with a fat mother who hates herself. Who called herself ugly and depreciated herself every chance she got. I grew up in a house where it was expected to cover your body, to wear baggy clothes, to buy clothes because they fit and not because you liked them.

And I could go on a full tangent on how this runs even deeper. How my mother views herself as a lost cause, who deems herself unlovable or unworthy of being loved because of her body — and how, ultimately, I never learned how to take care of myself because she never took care of herself.

Calling women high maintenance because they got their nails done, because they scheduled hair appointments, because they bought shoes and clothes they loved more than once bi-annually. And as a kid, I obviously wanted to believe my mother.

So I saw these women with pretty painted nails, and I saw them with their daughters who were my age, I saw these pretty girls with the nice nails and the skill in makeup, and I thought I was above them. But really I was just so buried under the self hatred of someone else that I didn’t see that those people did those things because they cared what they looked like, that they saw it was important to take care of themselves in a way that let them feel good.

And I was jealous. I was jealous because my mother never taught me how to paint my nails. Angry that I wasn’t worth the time for her to learn how to braid. Jealous of these other girls who tanned and were always polished. And then there was always me, biting my nails off every week in the shower because I didn’t know how to trim my nails.

But anyway, see I knew I’d tangent off w that topic, I have a very interesting relationship with my own body. Now.

I truthfully didn’t start really actively taking care of myself until early this year. I’d go months without shaving. I had no skin care routine. I would go days without brushing my teeth (which honestly is my very prominent sign of depression, when I stop brushing at all when I have nowhere to go and I’m still working on changing that).

In short, my outward appearance was very much for someone who loved me. And I never had one, so I didn’t see the point in keeping up with these routines. Why should I take care of my body if nobody is caring for it?

And last year I’d lost some weight by changing my diet, so people complimented that. And it just cemented to me that people only care about you when you’re smaller. People only positively notice you when you are skinny or slimming down.

So. I gained that weight back. I accidentally weighed myself at work last week and had it confirmed. I’m at my heaviest in probably two years. And I don’t feel shame for the number, or even the appearance of my body, but what really grates against me is eating.

There’s two sides to the nagging — the one that tells me to eat because I’m too far gone and it’ll be impossible to lose 120 pounds and find the elusive happiness that supposedly comes with that. And then there’s the side that angrily screams at me while I’m thinking of food, while I’m hungry, while I’m getting food, while I’m eating food, that just mentally beats me to a pulp.

“Maybe you’re a virgin who’s never been loved because you’re such a disgusting pig”

“If you don’t eat that, you’ll lose weight faster”

“If you start today, you could be at the BMI approved weight this time next year.”

“Just take a nap, you can’t be hungry while you sleep”

“Just eat smaller portions so you can shrink your stomach and decrease your appetite”

It’s just so exhausting. Having food be a salve, but having food also be the root of the issue.

Existing as a fat person in friend groups where they stand around and call their BMI approved bodies fat and disgusting. Hearing people fear fatness on a daily basis. Working with a preceptor who was grossly interested when my large patient wanted to weigh himself, like she was so involved in the situation because she viewed his size as shameful. Hearing her and another skinny friend go through photos of their high school classmates and act so disgusted and say “she blew up. She got big” about someone they graduated with.

It’s just all of these things. And then I accidentally take a video of my body when I’m taking risqué pics (😅😉) and looking at myself and…. Loving my body so much.

Knowing I’m at my heaviest in a while, and seeing my belly and curves and legit loving them. And seeing my body as this beautiful thing. This soft, cozy being worthy of love and affection and attention.

And then I hear these things. Everything mentioned above and I’m just “I’m not supposed to love my body because I am fat and there is no love for the fat girl”.

And there’s always been this forefront of a thought that I can be loved….. once I lose the weight. I can be loved…. after I’m below a size 12. I’m allowed to be shown affection and kindness….. when I’m thin.

It’s always been there. I never expected attention because I never deemed myself worthy of it. I still don’t most days. I’ve grown comfortable moving in the background of others’ lives because i am not a positive presence in my fat body.

No matter how kind. No matter how funny. No matter how smart. I am simultaneously too much and never enough for society. So I do not deserve those things thin people get without thought. Obviously.

So it’s all very heavy (hahahaha). I love my body, I really do, but I don’t deem it worthy of affection or desire. I complicate eating because obviously I’m fat and don’t need regular nourishment as the current fat existing on my body will be my sustenance because that’s how science works.

I’m trying to work on it. I’m trying to deem myself worthy of good things. Of food, of exercise not centered around changing my body, of clothes I’ve forever been told is “not for big girls”.

I’m trying. I am. But that’s where I am. Hopefully, if anyone has made it this far, I’ve made sense and perhaps made life a little less lonely for some people.

[erazonpo3]

Thinking a little bit about Best Girl Nuru and the way she’s often given the role of the Voice of Reason, aka the one with the brain cell, and I’ve spoken a bit about this with @bestworstcase where uh, we gotta remember that taking the only girl of the group, who is the second youngest, and making her the Mature one raises a lot of red flags. (The fact that she is Black is also something that should not be ignored because young Black girls are often treated as though they are older than they are, but rather than a white woman telling you this you can learn more about that through this article with links to said study). 

There’s simultaneously a lot and yet very little that can be inferred about her character given the small amount of original notes she has, and I could go for a more specific reading based on her circumstances but ultimately I’m gonna go for a more broad take of Responsible Characters And You: How to give them flaws that make them feel more like a real person rather than just The Straight Man. 

This is hardly an exhaustive list but I went with the biggest five points I could think of in order to expand on them, but the list can go on and grow more specific. 

Being the ‘Mom Friend’ at your own expense 

This one is probably the biggest one I associate with Nuru, and I think it’d hit particularly hard given her specific situation of being the only girl in the group and also the second-youngest. Let me tell you, straight from personal experience: being the Voice of Reason to a group of teenage boys is like trying to tell a wall to sprout legs and walk around. It’s not gonna happen and you’re just going to tire yourself out. My friends were smart, lovely people but I needed to learn that it wasn’t my job to protect them from themselves. 

It’s normal for a friend group to have ‘the one with the brain cell’ or ‘the mom friend’, but that friend group shouldn’t rely on that person to be their only source of support, or expect them to constantly monitor their decisions. It’s unhealthy for all people involved. You need to be willing to let people make their own mistakes, and not hold it against them when they don’t take your advice. You need to see your friends as independent people who understand their own decisions, and although it can be tricky to balance being supportive while also not encouraging bad decisions, it’s important to figure out. 

The Mom Friend is also often someone who habitually offers emotional support and advice, but keeps their own issues bottled up. They could have more healthy outlets for their personal issues, like a therapist, but this kind of stereotype usually pops up in people who prefer to deal with other people’s problems in order to avoid dealing with their own. Either way, it’s important for this kind of emotional support to be a two-way street, and for friends to recognise that they shouldn’t be relying on just one person for all their help.

Healthy friend groups can navigate this by ensuring everyone can share what they’re struggling with, and by having everyone able to provide some amount of support, whether it’s advice or condolences or just listening; this way it doesn’t fall on just one person to be the therapist or the mom. 

‘Intellectually’ mature but Emotionally immature

So, let’s be straight up: ‘responsible’ kids are usually just kids who respect the authority figures/institutions in their lives, either because they thrive in academic environments or because they have a lot of anxiety about upsetting those figures (or any other reason), but it doesn’t actually say much about their maturity as a person. It’s very easy for a smart kid to fall into the idea that they’re responsible and mature because the adults around them trust them not to cause trouble, but at the same time they can be very behind peers their age in terms of emotional development. 

I’m doing a lot of generalising here to spare us a larger essay about the faults of the education system for both gifted and forgotten ‘troublemaking’ kids, but the idea is that your responsible kid might feel as thought they’re the pinnacle of maturity compared to some of their peers, while at the same time do things like hold petty grudges, give their friends ultimatums, make decisions out of spite and have a general lack of consideration for people they might otherwise care about. These are flaws anyone can have, but it’s a very good way to show that being the smart, responsible kid does not mean you have emotional maturity. 

Circling back to our example character Nuru, we could take her suspicion over Hugo as something she believes is insightful and cynical (mature), but the others see as a grudge and an inability to trust others’ judgement. 

Straight up Immature

Yeah, they’re mature for their age. But that doesn’t mean they’re not still young and inexperienced. Maybe they do have more emotional intelligence and social skills than their peers, but that doesn’t automatically spare them from being gullible, making uninformed decisions, and much worse: being preyed on by people who would take advantage of them.

That last one’s a pretty dark path to take and you’ve got to be ready to deal with that issue from top to bottom if you’re going to go that route, but otherwise the message behind this one is simple: Kids are Kids and they can enjoy juvenile things, where the novelty hasn’t worn off yet, and they can make mistakes simply because they haven’t ever made that mistake before in order to learn from it. 

If your character is under 18, or even if they’re over, they’re allowed to be uninformed and say or do things that hurt others because they don’t understand the implications, and they’re allowed to be a little obnoxious or uncritical of what’s going on around them. Kids be kids. 

Obsession and an inability to see the bigger picture

Following the earlier example, ‘reasonable’ characters are probably people who rely a lot on logical thought processes to make certain decisions. (Note that Logical  =/= Correct or even Sensible, it just needs to abide by whatever the person’s internal rulebook is). That kind of mindset can lead people down rabbitholes and lead to conclusions that only they see, because they’ve jumped through so many mental hoops to reach their destination that nobody else can see how they might have arrived there. 

The expression here is “Can’t see the forest through the trees”, where a person misses the bigger picture of the situation because they’re so deep in the details they can’t see what’s going on. You see it a lot with puzzles that are fairly straightforward that people try to overthink and search for clues because ‘it can’t be that obvious’ when it really is. Thinking twice about something isn’t bad, but sometimes a first impression is the right one too. 

I can definitely see this applying to Nuru, star-chart master, and particularly in conflict with Yong- she has a great eye for detail that often comes in handy! But sometimes keeping your eye on a single star will blind you to their constellations. (Also for a more advanced reading, as a Princess Nuru might be less likely to see institutional problems compared to someone like Hugo). 

Selfish and Privileged perspectives

Keep in mind that prioritising yourself and your own health doesn’t make you a bad person, and being selfish doesn’t mean you lack empathy- it’s just a character flaw that means you have to actively think about other people and how your actions/inaction might affect them. A lot of people, especially ones who are raised in privileged positions, aren’t used to factoring in other people when it comes to making decisions. It comes down to “how will X thing affect me?” and they go from there, without thinking about how X affects others. 

This can be paired with socio-economic privilege, in which people who enjoy the benefits of a particular social system don’t pay much attention to how it fails others, or perhaps they know and make excuses that relieve them of any guilt (or maybe they don’t really care at all, so long as they’re winning). The remedy to this is education, and learning from the people who are disadvantaged the way in which certain social systems fail them and ways in which they can be improved. It also means committing to those improvements, even if they may come at your expense. 

In regards to Nuru being a Princess, there’s definitely a lot to unpack. I imagine her kingdom isn’t very wealthy (relatively- they’re far from destitute), given that it spends all its money on rebuilding infrastructure and apparently doesn’t have the resources to send a bodyguard or even a LIW along with Nuru on her journey. Nonetheless I think her position of privilege is a good place to start if you want to give her some sweet flaws

a few more ideas I won’t expand much on

Jealousy (ties in with Emotional Immaturity)

Overly Risk-Averse (The man who sleeps with a hatchet is a fool every night but one, but his friends still think he’s a fool most nights. Ouch.)

Insecurity (Do they have doubts? Of course they do.) 

Overly Emotional (Not always a flaw, but can impact their judgement)

Just straight up bad with emotions (Maybe they have trouble empathising with others?)

[ilonga]

The Phantom Menace in my Avatar Au

posting it separately for organization purposes!! 

here’s an overview of the avatar au:

https://ilonga.tumblr.com/post/626261708362727424/star-warsavatar-au

you can find snippets, asks, and more info under the tag “star wars/avatar au” on my tumblr!!

anyways, here it is:

So Anakin lived with Shmi in a poor Earth nation village filled with workers like them and more or less owned by the earthbender Watto. The workers (farmers, for the most part) only got to keep a little of their share for themselves and were basically terrorised by Watto day and night. Watto considered the workers below him and enjoyed lauding his power over them and making them suffer. He used his earthbending to intimidate and terrify them (pinning them down in the Earth when they displeased him, on one notable occasion throwing a rock down on someone’s arm and crippling them for life). If he was displeased with someone, he’d often pin their arms and legs in rock and leave them there, with no food or water, until his whims were satisfied and he let them out.

One of Anakin’s earliest memories was trying to sneak his mother food and water the countless times it happened to her (it happened to him once, too, and he’d never been so terrified in his life).

Save Anakin and one older woman who was an airbender, there were no other benders in that village. Both hid it for fear of what Watto would do to them if he found out (they could have been separated from their families, maybe, or used for much more dangerous or difficult tasks. On a much darker note, if Watto was in a particularly bad mood, he might have tried to cripple and kill them so they couldn’t inspire or help the workers fight back).

Watto, raised in a rich family, had decided against joining Raava’s Order at a young age, a decision that his father (who also tyrannised the workers in a similar way) supported. He enjoyed the fruits of his workers labor and lived rather lavishly if anything.

So that was their early life.

Padme Amidala, a nonbender and daughter of Jobal, a leader of the Northern Water tribe, was about twelve or thirteen years old when the vicious spirit Maul began terrorising her people. She was a talented archer and hated feeling helpless more than anything. So when representatives of Raava’s Order Qui-gon Jinn and Obi-wan Kenobi came to aid the Water Tribes and track down and defeat the spirit, she snuck along with them as they were tracking Maul. Obi-wan was around nineteen or twenty at the time and considered a tremendously talented waterbender, and Qui-gon Jinn, just like in canon, was quite unorthodox and independent. The two had a healthier relationship than in canon (Qui-gon had accepted and wanted Obi-wan as his apprentice right away rather than the somewhat cruel back and forth that happened in canon).

When they figure out that Padme snuck along, Qui-gon’s rather worried and Obi-wan rather annoyed, but she really is a talented archer and a talented diplomat, and she wins them over quickly enough. Qui-gon can’t help but think she reminds him of a young Obi-wan, and Obi-wan himself at the very least admires her determination.

So. They’re tracking the spirit Maul, who eventually leads him to the isolated village where Anakin and his mother live. They lose track of him (he probably disappears into the surrounding forest) and they seek lodging at the village until they draw Maul out and defeat him. Anakin, who is about ten or eleven at the time, notices them first and takes them to his mother, who in turn directs them to Watto. Anakin doesn’t reveal his bending to them immediately, although it’s clear they suspect something, and once he realizes that they’re from the Order, he has a heated discussion with his mother about it.

“Mom, they could help us,” he says, thinking of Watto and how if anyone would be able to subdue him, it’d be benders of Raava’s Order. He’s cautious, of course, but they’re not earthbenders so they can’t be that bad, can they? And that girl, Padme, was really pretty…

“No,” his mother says, thinking of how Watto’s family has been in power for generations and they always manage to escape the suspicion of outsiders, “but they could help you.”

Watto, on the other hand, is simultaneously thrilled that such important people are visiting, but worried at being found out. So he makes no secret of his earthbending but curbs his visible cruelty and covertly threatens the workers not to let a word of it slip.

So Qui-gon, Obi-wan, and Padme find lodging within the workers’ huts (Watto kicks some workers out of there and moves them into others’ huts because of course he does, which they’re not aware of) and Anakin reveals his bending to them. And they’re excited because a new possible member of Raava’s Order!! But also, alarm bells are going off in their heads because why is this kid so secretive about it and why does he feel he needs to hide his firebending?

They talk to Shmi, and they notice that both her and Anakin avoid talking about Watto entirely, although Anakin’s facial expressions and body language are a lot more expressive. But they notice Shmi’s bruises, and they notice the way both of them tend to subtly flinch whenever Watto, work, or even bending is mentioned. So now they have two things they’re worrying about: Maul, and the condition of the workers in this town (none of that “I didn’t come here to free the slaves” stuff this time around; they’re openly worried, and if there’s something wrong, they want to do something about it). And also, they start to care about the two. Obi-wan takes a liking to Anakin more or less immediately, and Shmi is so kind and so steadfast that the three of them can’t help but admire her.

The next day, Obi-wan and Qui-gon start tracking Maul again. Padme stays behind in the village to observe. Anakin and Padme bond a bit (in a friendly way, definitely not romantically (although maybe slight crushes are involved?)–they’re kids!! ok!! and since there’s way less of an age difference they can just be kids together, enjoying each other’s company). Anakin shows off the tricks he’s managed to teach himself in secret over the years. Padme shows off her archery. They bond over the whole “I hate feeling helpless” spiel and caring a lot about their moms. And although Anakin doesn’t explicitly say it’s Watto he hates being helpless against, they both know who he’s talking about. Padme resolves to do something. That something, she decides, is talking circles around Watto until she can get him to admit to something so that her, Obi-wan, and Qui-gon can move against him openly.

In the meantime, night has fallen once Obi-wan and Qui-gon finally track Maul down. There’s a quick skirmish and they realize Maul is much more dangerous than they anticipated. Then the battle starts in earnest.

It’s long, and messy, and they’re exhausted and still fighting when the sun comes up. They’ve also been slowly getting closer and closer to the village as the battle goes on, and eventually they reach the village proper and now the workers are in danger too. There’s a lot of commotion and Watto comes out of his house (mansion, practically) to see what’s going on.

The three are fighting and Maul lands a hit on Qui-gon that knocks him out of commission, so now two things happen at once:

1) Anakin reveals his bending to the whole village (+Watto) when he steps in to ward off an attack from Maul

2) Maul’s next hit kills Qui-gon

So now, again, two things are happening at once. Obi-wan, furious, finishes off the duel with Maul and kills him (for good). Watto, on the other hand, having seen a demonstration of Anakin’s bending, is furious out of his mind. All thoughts of hiding his cruelty from the outsiders gone, he tries to hurt Anakin, probably alongside mad ravings about Anakin “threatening him”, “defying his power”, “how dare he”, and all that jazz.

It all happens so quickly. Watto throws a rock or something aiming for Anakin, Shmi pushes him out of the way, and Shmi gets trapped under the rock in Anakin’s place. It’s clear she isn’t going to survive. There’s a lot of yelling and reactions, from the village, from Obi-wan who’s still in shock from Qui-gon and Maul’s deaths, from Anakin who’s horrified and furious out of his mind. But Padme’s the one who acts first. She shoots an arrow at Watto, almost as soon as she sees what he’s going to do, and it lands through his heart right after Shmi is crushed.

So now they’re all in shock, yay!

Anyways, Shmi’s last words to Anakin are to go with the benders and Padme and to go learn from Raava’s Order, and that she’ll always be proud of him and loves him dearly. She also tells him to make sure Beru is taken care of and make sure Beru knows Shmi loved her.

Anakin promises.

Qui-gon’s last words to Obi-wan are that he’s proud of him, he loves him, and please take care of the people they’ve found that he’s leaving behind.

Watto has no last words. He dies alone and in shock at being defied for the first time in his life.

The next two days pass in a strange haze. The village is now free, for once in their life. They rebuild and heal, and they form a new leadership where everyone has a voice and no one will be abused again. Padme offers them refuge, should they want it, amongst the waterbenders, but most of them refuse. Beru tells Anakin he should go train with the Order, but that she’s staying here, at the village, with Owen and the others. He tells her to take care of herself and that Shmi loved her like her own daughter. There are tears.

Obi-wan, on the other hand, is grieving. Mostly for Qui-gon, but also for Shmi, the kind woman he’d only known for a few days. Anakin is the one who helps him stay sane and not spiral into his grief and guilt at not being able to defeat Maul before Qui-gon was killed, and Obi-wan helps him in turn with the same. The two bond, and Obi-wan swears to himself that he’ll take Anakin back to the Order and train him himself. He’s not leaving this kid behind.

So they have their funerals, and begin to head back (the shock’s still in place for the three of them, really). Padme and Anakin agree to stay in contact as much as they can, and Obi-wan takes Anakin to the order as Padme heads back home and reunites with her mother (who definitely has a lecture in store for her but is also rather proud). Obi-wan formally takes Anakin on as his apprentice, and though Raava’s Council certainly has questions about what the hell happened in that village, there isn’t so much of an overt objection to Anakin joining as there was in canon. The more traditionalist faction of the council is all “this isn’t how it’s done!!” because usually kids come to the order much earlier and have been partially trained in their element before becoming a padawan, so there are some protests there, and there are some people who are like “isn’t this kid pretty traumatised?? are you guys going to be ok?”, but for the most part they’re like “yeah, train the kid. have fun.”. There’s also mourning rites for Qui-gon, of course.

So now Anakin, who’s been hiding his bending all his life, begins his training with Obi-wan, his new pseudo-older-brother-figure who he’s growing increasingly reliant on and who’s growing increasingly reliant on him to cope with their respective losses of parental figures. Anakin has a lot to unlearn, especially with the whole showing my bending = bad bit, and also has to learn basic control and stuff, which Obi-wan, a waterbender, has to figure out how to teach him (usually padawans have already learned the basics by the time a master picks them, especially since their master will bend a different element). But Anakin’s powerful and a quick learner, and Obi-wan is nothing if not stubborn, so they get there, slowly (and by enlisting the help of other firebenders in the Order--Master Dooky being one of them).

On the other hand, Palpatine takes notice of this new addition to the Order, especially the kid’s… unique (haha more like ripe for manipulation and grooming) circumstances. Because yes, Anakin’s a bender, but he’s a bender who has strong cause to be traumatised and afraid, and distrust, other benders. Plus he just lost his mother in one of the most traumatising ways possible, so he’s emotionally vulnerable for sure. This makes him perfect for Palpatine’s purposes, because he’s a firebender (which Palpatine, a firebender who has been hiding his own bending for nefarious purposes, favors), he’s reliant on emotional support, and he’s in a unique position where even as a bender, if Palpatine plays his cards right, he can be turned against other benders (especially if he’s convinced that other benders will use their powers to suppress or hurt others).

So Palpatine reaches out, slowly at first, and how could one say no to the Firelord?

And such, the story’s begun.