#it’s easy to feel bad at things if your only points of comparison are the narrative chosen ones

[aprill-99]

I love the characters whose perceptions of their own powers and abilities and personalities are all completely fucked by their own context.

Prince Zuko for example: The guy goes around like “wow is me. I am such a failure of a Fire Bender” for three whole seasons of television.

Babe, no. It’s just that the only 3 people on the entire planet who are better at it than you all live in your house.

Obi-Wan Kenobi only thinks he’s a less powerful Jedi because his constant companions are essentially the demigod descendants of an Eldritch Horror running the galaxy. Everyone knows else, including the Eldritch Horror Spawn, think you’re in the top 10 to ever live.

I could go on, but the main point is that I live for the moments when a character who is constantly down on themselves off-handed mentions something the other characters know to be near impossible and have their Elle Woods moment when questioned.

“What, like it’s hard?”

Yes, yes my guys, gals, and non-binary folk. Yes it is hard.

You’ve just trained yourself to think that you had to succeed at everything right up to the lines of the impossible and perfect because you spent a lifetime watching very particular people calmly go skipping right over it.

You are now hyper-competent and should maybe look in to getting some therapy before we all inevitably turn to you to survive the on-coming End of Days.

[lilyprettyremy]

10 Bad Habits to Let Go of for a Beautiful Life (Trust Me, You’ll Thank Yourself)

We all have those habits that hold us back — some sneakier than others. And while no one’s perfect, a little spring cleaning of your daily habits can unlock a happier, healthier life. Ready to drop the bad vibes and level up? Here are 10 bad habits to leave behind for good!

1. The Comparison Game — It’s Gotta Go

We’ve all done it. Scrolling, looking at someone’s perfect life, and feeling like we’re not enough. But honestly? Comparing yourself to others is a losing game. Focus on your own growth, and unfollow anything or anyone that makes you feel less-than. Your journey is yours alone, and it’s beautiful in its own way. Keep your eyes on your own lane!

2. Procrastinating Like It’s a Sport

We get it — that “I’ll do it tomorrow” energy feels good in the moment, but it’s also a trap. The more you put off tasks, the more they pile up and haunt you. Trust, the best feeling is getting stuff done now and freeing up your mind for the fun stuff later. Break it down, set a timer, and just start. You’ll feel like a boss when you’re done.

3. Saying Yes to Everything (Even When You Don’t Want To)

No is a full sentence, babe! If you’re constantly saying yes to things that don’t align with your goals or drain your energy, it’s time to stop. Overcommitting leads to burnout, and life’s too short for that. Start setting boundaries and prioritize what makes you feel good. Your time is precious, so treat it like gold.

4. Relying on Everyone Else’s Approval

We all love a little validation, but depending on it? That’s a recipe for insecurity. Your worth isn’t measured by someone else’s likes or approval. The only validation you really need is your own. So hype yourself up, celebrate your wins, and be proud of the progress you’re making, regardless of who’s watching.

5. Avoiding Your Finances Like It’s Scary

Finances don’t have to be terrifying! Ignoring them might feel easier in the moment, but getting a handle on your money situation is so empowering. Start small — track your spending, create a budget, and set a savings goal. The sooner you take control, the more stress-free your future will feel.

6. Holding Grudges Like They’re Trophies

Honestly, holding onto grudges only weighs you down. Letting go of past negativity isn’t about excusing people’s behavior — it’s about freeing yourself. Don’t let old situations control your peace. Forgiveness is for you, babe. The less baggage you carry, the lighter you’ll feel.

7. Talking Down to Yourself

Would you say those mean things to your best friend? Didn’t think so! So why do we let ourselves get away with it? Cut out the negative self-talk and replace it with something a little more kind and uplifting. You deserve better from yourself. You wouldn’t believe how much your mindset can change once you start being nice to yourself.

8. Expecting Everything to Be Perfect

Perfection is a myth, and chasing it will only leave you stressed and frustrated. Life happens in the in-between moments — the imperfect, messy, beautifully real ones. Give yourself some grace and celebrate progress, not perfection. A “good enough” life is often a perfect one in disguise.

9. Staying in Your Safe Bubble

Your comfort zone might feel cozy, but nothing grows there! Stepping outside of it might be scary, but it’s where all the magic happens. Whether it’s trying something new, starting a project, or meeting new people, discomfort leads to growth. Don’t let fear hold you back — take the leap!

10. Blaming Everything Else for What’s Not Going Right

It’s easy to point fingers and blame outside circumstances, but taking responsibility is where real change starts. You’ve got more control than you think! Instead of dwelling on what’s going wrong, focus on what you can change. You’ve got the power to turn things around — it’s all in your hands.

These bad habits? They’re not serving you, and it’s time to leave them in the past. Letting go of what’s holding you back will clear the way for bigger, better things. You’re already halfway there just by recognizing what needs to change. So let go, level up, and watch your life get a little more beautiful, one habit at a time.

[lunajay33]

My Princess

•🪽🦇💙•

Summary: You are Feyres sister and have always been shy but when everything happens and you and your sisters become Fae, you find yourself falling in love with the mysterious shadow brother

Pairing: Azriel x Feyres sister

Content: Sneaking around, fluff, smut, getting caught

•Masterlist•

I never thought much about how my life would turn out, living in a run down home with my three sisters and father gave me no hope for what could come, I thought I would die young of either illness or starvation, I always tried to help Feyre when I could just to help and get away from Nesta and Elain, they never liked me much, I am I second youngest and they liked to point out every flaw of mine

But then one day everything changed when we were kidnapped and thrown into a cauldron changing out forms, from human to far, Nesta took an immense amount of power, Elain could feel the future and me, well I haven’t shown anyone what I’ve discovered, I can morphe into the shadows, dissapear whenever I want, it came in hand when Nesta would get in one of her fits with who ever dared step up to her

But then one night as I was slipping into the shadows I met the most adorable little tendrils of shadow that seemed were alive, they were all over me swirling around with what I assumed was joy as they led me to Azriel, he was quiet like me and I found comfort in that silence but never had the never to approach him until the shadows brought me right into his room, as I’m in the shadow of his book shelf

Noticing him straighten up and peer around as his shadows spoke to him

“I know you’re here” my heart leapt, I shifted back into my fae solid form and stood before him nervously

“So you are gifted after all” he stood infront of me, shirtless showing his broad shoulders and ripped body

“Ummm yeah, please don’t tell the others”

“And why not?” I shrugged unsure of why I had to explain my reasonings only making him smirk

“You’re not like your sisters, you’re…….different”

“Different bad?”

“No different good, you’re intriguing and mysterious, you don’t put everyone out there”

•

From that day forward we kept our nightly meetings between eachother and it was sooooo easy, sneaking through the shadows right to his room, we started just talking and getting to know eachother but along the way I fell for him, how could I not he’s so beautiful inside and out and one night when all the others were busy getting drunk at a bar I felt my soul meld with his and his mine

That night we accepted the bond and we haven’t been able to stop, it’s been a week and our hunger for eachother hasn’t been quenched and it’s getting harder to hide this relationship

“Do you think we should tell the others?” I ask him as we catch our breathes, my head resting in his shoulder, his hand dragging up and down my back

“If that’s what you want my angel, but I can’t say sneaking around doesn’t make things more hot” he smirks as he grips my hip

“Maybe just a little longer” I giggle as I turn and straddle his legs laying forward on his chest

“Ready for more already?” His voice got deeper sending shivers down my spine

“Are you able to” I love to tease him knowing he has taken me multiple times in one night

“Please woman” he grabs my hips and grinds them up and down his hardening dick, I’ve heard about the girls talking about the comparison between wingspans but there is absolutely no way Rhys or Cassian could be bigger than my man, he nearly splits me apart

“I love you Azriel” I moan as he slowly stretches me out

“Not as much as I love you Angel, fuck you feel so good” at this angle he was just hitting every part just right it was impossible to keep quiet

“Oh god more I want more” I scream when he thrusts up into me faster and faster

“OH AZRIEL YES RIGHT THERE” I scream not even caring right now who here’s

“So good, mother above I’ll never get enough of you” right as I’m about to be in heaven the door bursts open and everyone in the group is standing there wide eyed and mouths hanging

“Ummmm what the hell is going on” Nesta shouts anger written all over her face

Azriel sits up and holds me closer covering my body

“Can we have a moment to get decent” he groans his shadows pushing the others out and slamming the door

“I’m nervous, did you see the way Nesta and Elain were looking at me?” He pulled out and helped put his shirt on me as he pulled on his own sweatpants

“Don’t worry it’ll be fine come on!” He took my hand and led me downstairs to where everyone was sat around in the living room

“Congrats brother!” Cassian congratulated Azriel patting him on the back

“How long has this been going on?” Feyre asks with a little smile as she sat next to Rhys

“Well we’ve been talking for a while at night but then last week our mating bond happened and we accepted immediately” I say holding his hand tighter

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Rhys asked

“Obviously she knows she’s not good enough to be with him I mean look at her” Nesta laughed, I hung my head low before Azriel pulled me in at the waist

“Watch your mouth, don’t think I can’t destroy your life just because you’re the high ladies sister

“She’s not wrong” Elain whispered but we all heard

“That’s enough they had their reasons and it’s their relationship, Nesta and Elain you need to leave her alone I’ve had enough of you two always bashing on her just because you know she’s better than you, I’m happy for you sister” Feyre smiles

“You can go to the family cabin if you wish while still in your mating faze” Rhys adds looking happy for his brother the next instant in standing in the cabin Azriel holding me tight from behind

“You know they’re not right, your as pretty as the stars” he says placing kisses up my neck

“Thank you Az, now how about we get back to what we started”

“Don’t have to ask me twice”

[dead-boys-club]

†  rest : dr. ratio.

❥ a gift for @somenerd3110 ❥ sick comfort things

the sterile scent of antiseptic that lingered in the air brought you to reality, a seemingly comfortable familiarity in comparison to the unknown, mostly white room. dr. ratio moved with practiced efficiency, footsteps soft but purposeful on the cold, tiled floor. the typical precision and detachment he exhibited in his work were somewhat softened by the worry visible on his face.

you lie in bed, the light sheets drawn up to your chest, your skin warm with fever, feeling as if it were crawling. it began with a slight cough, which you had brushed off as just a fleeting cold. however, it hadn't gone away. instead, the sickness took root in your lungs, turning each breath into a battle, as every cough sent waves of pain through your body. you had joked prior to the world going black about the well known 'death rattle' that sounded from you.

when dr. ratio had found you, trying to go about your day as if nothing was wrong, he had immediately taken charge, his usual calm demeanor giving way to a firm, almost protective concern. he wanted to, and would later on, give you a firm reminder to take better care of yourself. he had insisted you rest, and now, here you were, tucked into a bed in the medbay, under his watchful care. he had vehemently denied anyone else's presence.

you blinked up at him, trying to offer a small, reassuring smile, but it came out weak and tired, something that only made it worse. 'i'm okay, honestly,' you rasped, your voice hoarse from the constant coughing. it didn't sound very convincing at all.

he frowned, not unkindly, but with the kind of disapproval that came from genuine concern. on a normal basis, you would joke about the fatherly tinge to such actions. 'you are not okay,' he replied, his voice calm but persistent. 'you’ve been running a fever for several days, and you’re barely able to breathe without pain. you need to rest and not be so stubborn.'

you wanted to argue, to tell him you didn’t need to be fussed over, but another coughing fit seized you, leaving you gasping for air. not to mention, it would only prove his point on your headstrong behavior. dr. ratio was at your side in an instant, a glass of water appearing in his hand as if by magic.

'drink.' he instructed, his tone leaving no room for argument.

you obeyed, taking slow, careful sips, feeling the cool water soothe your raw throat, cringing just slightly. his hand rested lightly on your shoulder, his touch steadying and reassuring.

'why didn’t you tell me sooner?' he asked quietly, his eyes searching yours. there was no accusation in his voice, only a deep, underlying worry. his concern rooted in the fact you wouldn't be so bad off had you just been honest.

you looked away, feeling a pang of guilt. 'i don't like bothering you,' you admitted. 'you're always busy and i figured it would just.. pass.'

dr. ratio let out a soft sigh, his hand squeezing your shoulder gently. 'you’re never a bother,' he said, his voice softening. 'your health is important to me, as it should be to you. i need you to promise that you’ll come to me if you’re ever feeling unwell again.'

his words were laced with a seriousness that made you realize just how much he cared, not that you doubted it before, but it was still nice to hear. it wasn’t just about your physical health—it was about the bond you shared, the deep, platonic connection that had grown between you over time.

'i promise.' you whispered, your voice barely above a breath, almost reluctantly. it wasn't easy to just start doing something and you couldn't help the guilt that would come with potentially interrupting him.

he nodded, satisfied with your answer, and reached for a small device on the nearby table. 'let’s me check your vitals again. i want to make sure your fever is coming down.'

as he gently placed the device against your wrist, you couldn’t help but notice the way his usually cool, clinical demeanor had softened. there was a warmth in his eyes, a quiet determination to see you through this, no matter what. it was considerably calming to see.

the device beeped softly, and he studied the readings with a focused intensity. as a moment, he nodded, that frown making a brief return to his features.

'you fever is down but only slightly.. still too high,' he murmured, more to himself than to you. he stood up, moving to a small cabinet where he retrieved a vial and a syringe. 'this will help bring it down further and ease the pain in your chest.'

you wanted to gag while watching him prepare the injection, his movements precise and efficient, but there was a gentleness in the way he approached you, a careful consideration that he reserved only for those closest to him. you knew it was needed but you were never one for injections of any kind.

he administered the injection with practiced ease, and as the medication began to take effect, you felt some of the tension in your body start to ease. the pain in your chest dulled to a manageable ache, and the fog of fever lifted slightly, leaving you feeling clearer, if not entirely better. there was still that tug of discomfort at the back of your head, bones feeling heavy.

dr. ratio stayed by your side, his hand resting lightly on your arm, a silent anchor in the midst of your discomfort. he didn’t speak, but his presence was enough—a reminder that you weren’t alone, that someone was watching over you with unwavering care. someone that knew what they were doing and wouldn't leave until you were okay.

as the minutes ticked by, you felt your eyelids grow heavy, the combination of the medication and exhaustion from trying to fight whatever illness you had catching up quickly. he took notice of this, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin in a soothing gesture.

'rest now,' he whispered, his voice barely above a murmur. 'i’ll be here when you wake up.'

you nodded weakly, the last of your resistance fading as sleep began to claim you. the last thing you felt before drifting off was the comforting weight of his hand on your arm, a steady reminder that you were safe.

and as you slipped into sleep, the thought lingered in your mind: no matter what, you knew that he would always be there, watching over you with the same quiet, steadfast care that had become such an integral part of your life.

[zippidi-dooda]

You were disoriented.

The whole building was dark but filled wall to wall with blindingly colorful neon lights. People lounged about on plush lounge chairs, hands dancing across heated skins, others swayed enticingly to the raving music. Dopey grins and giggles echoed through the place, speech slured and broken unnecessarily. A heavy smoke filled the air, encouraging inhabitors to give in to the chill haze.

It was getting difficult to breathe.

But you had to talk to the Queen. All you needed was a quick signature from them and then you were free to leave. Plenty of others had asked for the same thing before and had gotten their wish with no problem ... Eventually ... This should be easy.

Slipping around the fluid bodies, you trudged closer to the stand.

The court was large, podium standing at a height much grander than you, further emphasizing how small you were in comparison. But sitting with his boots up on the ledge sat the Queen. So engrossed with his gaudy phone, he didn't notice you as you approached, nor did he turn to you when you cleared your throat.

"... excuse me, Your Majesty?"

He laughed, thumb scrolling through his feed.

"Your Majesty ...?"

He bit his lip, shifting to rest his cheek on his knuckles.

"Your majesty!"

At last, he hummed in response. "Hm? Yeah, what's up?"

You took a shuddering breath, wiping the sweat from your brow. "Sorry, for interrupting, Your Majesty, but I have a request. I've gone through all the regular customs in trying to move back to my hometown and all I need left now is to get your help signing all the papers ...."

Still looking at his phone, he chuckled. "Ah, I didn't know this had become a trend. I really need to get on it."

"... a-as I was saying, I've brought everything you need to sign and I understand it'll take a few days to actually go through but-"

"Hey you, look over here. Say 'Queensies!'"

You were caught off guard as the Queen shifted around in the stand so you were facing the same way, he raised his phone up and pouted his lips with a wink while he made a peace sign with his hand. The flash from his camera seemed to heightened your jumbled mind and you could feel the start of a migrane coming on. He shifted back into his seat, cheeks glowing with a smile, feet on the chair, knees to his chest and he kept typing on his phone.

"Hashtag hard at work, hashtag servant of the people, hashtag queen cay!"

You rubbed your eyes, "Y-our Majesty, please-"

"Awe, look at this, we're so cute. You know you're not so bad looking, but I think you could smile more. I could give you a makeover one day when I have time. Busy, busy, busy, you know how it is."

"I just need your pen on the paper-"

"Ooh, you know what," he lifted the tubed pen from the messy storage under the desk, "I should make that the point of the next party," he took a puff, exhaling a cloud of color changing smoke, "tips on making the most of your looks, hashtag becoming a sexy bitch," purple, blue, green, orange, yellow, "That'd be great, right? I'll schedule it right now."

You chest rose and fell heavily, trying to gain enough breath to beat the smoky air, but you only inhaled lungfuls of his puffs.

"Mmm, I haven't really gotten around to this shindig though, have I? I think it's time to mingle. You don't mind waiting a bit longer do you? I promise I'll be back soon, but I gotta let the people know I care, lmao."

Your brow curled as he stood, brushing himself off and tidying up his stand.

"You care?"

"Hey, card suit boy? Make sure to close off any appointments for the night, I'm gonna be busy till tomorrow, m'kay? Thanks hon, you're a doll."

You looked down at your bundle of papers, subconsciously crumpling the edges, "you haven't listened to a thing I've said ... and writing your name doesn't take long at all ...."

"Hey you, what was your name again? Anyways, coat on or coat off? It's very nice, makes me seems all posh-like. But it can get stuffy dancing all night. What do you think? Off right?"

You glared up at him. "It's no wonder so many other people are trying to leave."

"I think I'll go with off. Ah, look at that! Cute! Am I eating or what? Gotta take a selfie of that. Chu~ hashtag diamond swag. There we go, now I think I'm ready to-"

"You're a shit ruler."

For once, his emerald eyes turned to you.

"Excuse me?"

You stumbled backward, nearly tripping over your own two feet. "You heard me. All you do here is throw your flashy parties and take forever to help the people who come to you everyday. Do you even know the problems that are going on outside of your so called palace? People are trying to make the necessary changes adhering to the Queen's rules and standards but everything needs your approval and supervision to get started. Nothings changing cause we need to rely on an indolent guy like you. I feel bad for anyone planning on living here."

You turned, planning on leaving and finding another way to get your things done. But you were stopped by a firm chest you bumped into.

You were met with the boy who had been up in the pedestal.

Confused on how he got down to you so fast, you looked back.

"You have quite a mouth on you, don't ya?"

He was still sitting up on the stand whilst being an inch in front of you.

He prowled forward, each step forcing you to take one back until you bumped into something. You looked over your shoulder. It was ... him? Three of him? But, how?

"I'll admit I haven't been the best I could be, but I've made sure to give you all a place to let go of your worries haven't I? Look at the people here tonight. They all go home with a smile on their face and come back saying they're happier than when they left. This kingdom has the highest happiness rating in the world if the surveys are to say anything. Doesn't that merit me some credit?"

He brushed back a tawny curl of hair, tucking it gently behind his ear. The shimmery gold and scarlet makeup he wore shone distractingly under the bright lights.

"And the people all chose to anoint me Queen, didn't you? Surely there was a reason for it. I'm not that bad, am I?"

You inhaled sharply, clinging to his shoulders to keep yourself upright. "M-maybe you were good at first but ...."

He chuckled, resting his gloved hands on your waist. "See? I just got a little content is all. Just need some time and motivation to get back on track." His thumbs rubbed soothing circles into your sides.

The duplicate of him behind you spoke up, nuzzling his nose into your neck. He spoke in a soft, pouting little whine. "It's hard being a ruler, you know? Can't take care of everyone."

The version of him from up on the stand piped up, voice echoing throughout the chamber. "But if someone wants to take my place I wouldn't mind at all. It's what's best for the kingdom, right? Ah, I know!"

Then the three of them spoke at once, "why don't you take the throne?"

"Wh-what?" You squeezed your eyes shut and tilted your head to the side in attempts to sooth the ache in your head.

Soft kisses were trailed up your neck.

"Yeah! Since you think I'm not fit for the job, you might as well show me how it's done, right?"

"I ... I can't ...." You yawned tiredly.

"Ah, it is a bit overwhelming to start all at once though, huh ...?"

"Tell you what ...,"

"You can stay here with me for a while ...,"

"And I can teach you everything you need to know about this shindig ...,"

"After that ...,"

"I can step down once you're ready. Or ...,"

"If you want me to stick around as your right hand so things go even smoother, I'd be happy to. Keeping our cute little subjects satisfied is the top priority after all ...,"

"Having a new hand to guide them, but with the help of what they're familiar with ...,"

"Would be the perfect path to success, yeah ...?"

"After all, the first Queen did have her helpful little King of Hearts to run things. And the length of their reign was golden ...,"

"I think it's a perfectly swell idea, don't you ...?"

"What do you say ... um, I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

"My name ...?" You looked around with hooded eyes. Maybe it was cause of your state of being right now, but there seemed to dozens of the orange haired boy filling up the lofty room. "Y/N ... I think ... Y/N L/N."

"Ah, L/N and Cay-kun~! Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Queen Y/N and her loyal Diamond. Why, the whole town would be in a rave after that don't you think? We'd go viral."

You weren't sure which one of him it was, but he guided you deeper into the room, past the grand stage and into a connecting room. Foggy, weak, addle minded and out of breath, you couldn't do much else but lean on him as he guided you to who knows where.

"Why don't you rest here for a bit, then tomorrow we can discuss the arrangements when you're thinking clearly."

"Oh ... o-okay ...." You breathed out, inhaling for every clear breath you could.

This place wasn't somewhere anyone should stay in for long periods of time, much less live in. How did this guy do it?

"Perfect!" He laid you down to rest on a much too soft bed.

The blankets seemed to swallow you as he gave a wave, smiling as he began to walk away.

"Guess I'll be demoted to King soon, but happy to be of service to you! See you tomorrow, Queenie."

Your lids grew too heavy, shutting as the egnimatic Queen walked away and you succumbed to the pillowy sanctuary of the mattress, the papers you held forgotten and now in Cater's hand.

[ravencincaide]

The word that made the difference 

Summary:  You knew you had to get professional help even if you did not want to, Dazai’s words and actions made it absolutely clear to you he wouldn’t tolerate anything else, and Chuuya seemed to silently agree with him. Still the answer you got was not for the question you asked; but that one word was enough to make you reevaluate everything. 

Pairing: Dazai x Chuuya xfem! Reader (skk x fem!reader) 

Author note: An independent continuation of Desperate times series, and next part of  Happy unhappy home! Check that series out if you’d like more angst, skkx reader, new parents, all that and see more of what happened right before this scene! 

Warning: Cursing, depression/postpartum depression, New parents/exhausted parents =bad choices/reactions, Angst,  

Enjoy~

Pregnant

The word felt unfamiliar- surreal- like a misdiagnosis wrapped in excuses, wrapped in women’s issues and wrapped in reasons to get you out of the office. Yet it was as if that singular word explained everything you had experienced lately and nothing at all. Maybe it explained the hopelessness, the darkness, the unbearably tense existence that has become your home; but it could not explain the way you felt about the twins. The inability to connect with them. Or the inability to feel any warmths from Dazai and Chuuya. Perhaps, at this point, you were so ruined and wrong that you could not connect with anyone. Not the twins, not Dazai and not Chuuya. 

We think you have postpartum depression

A part of you wanted to stand up, run out of the medical office and into the waiting room right outside where the four of them were waiting. To rub it into the two mafioso's faces that they were wrong. Ha the geniuses were not genius enough to sidestep medical school, and it wasn’t as easy as to use some template they took from god-knows-where and assed you by it instead of talking with you, asking you, helping you. They were wrong- you were right. You won. 

But what was your prize? 

“ I have never had a reason to hit you. You’ve always been a smart girl- don’t give me another reason to do it. Again. If you’re sick- get help.” 

Dazai’s words from a day ago rang in your ears. His tone, the iciness in his gaze as he brought you down to the knees in cold standing water with a single slap repeated itself in your mind. Like a never-ending loop it played before your eyes. Your mind, the twisted bastard, hadn't left the image unchanged, but rather conjured up the way it must have looked from all angles; from the side, from above and even from below. Driving in the humiliation further. Like some dramatic exaggerated scene out of a soap opera, a middle aged housewives tv-series, and the act was meant to be a huge burden for the main stars in season one but then it gets solved three episodes later. 

Forgiven and forgotten.

But this wasn’t a soap opera, this wasn’t some lame drama created to satisfy lonely women as they waited for their loving husbands to come home from golf. This was reality. Your reality- your life. And soon, not only your own. That one realization grounded; it was enough to escape the clutches of shock and confusion and placed you back inside the small, simple medical office and the woman opposite you.  

“ Well yeah, it’s no wonder you’ve been feeling like shit the last few weeks. I’d say congratulations but really— “ 

Yosano’s voice faded into the background again; your mind tiffany twisted, drowned out her words as more flashbacks pulled you under the surface of reality. Simple things, comparisons like the joy last pregnancy brought and the dread this one carried. How caring, sweet and gentle it started but how difficult the previous one ended; and how difficult this one started while the thought of it getting worse filled you with dread. 

Blood rushed to your ears; your pounding heart overshadowed all sounds, dulled the quiet medical office into an obnoxiously loud space. Your vision blurred, tunneled and span. Inadvertently you pressed the fingers of your shaking hand to your eyes and rubbed them, then shook your head to try and clear the dark dots which played in your sight. 

You wondered how and why it happened. You couldn’t fathom the idea that you were, yet again, carrying a life inside you. No, it was absurd. Surely Yosano was mistaken, it hadn’t even gone that long since the twins were born and– 

All at once the reality came crashing back down again. You were back on the hard chair, back opposite Yosano and suddenly very aware of every inch of the office. And the continuation of her displeased rant; the way her tone grew louder, annoyance sipped into every syllable. The barely held back curses which evidently played on the tip of her tongue. Yet she tried to look casual, head rested in the palm of her hand, body language open and turned towards you. But the anger was undeniable in the way her second hand gripped the pen, almost snapped it in half and poured the goey black onto a pile of papers- the results that signaled your doom. “ I told the damned bastards to–” 

“ – But I thought you couldn’t get pregnant at least until 18 months have passed after birth” you interrupted her, your voice a fraction away from hysterical. You looked at Yosano expectedly, begging her for the confirmation that this was some weird biological fluke. A mistake that no one of you could have predicted.

You jumped as she slammed her fist against the wooden desk. 

“ Where the hell did you hear that bullshit from?” Yosano took a deep breath, slipped back into her composed doctor mask and did you the courtesy to reply to your questions calmly and professionally “It’s not recommended to get pregnant earlier than 18 months after delivery, to give the body time to heal. However, biologically speaking, there’s nothing preventing you from it once you’ve gotten your period. Some can get pregnant as early as four weeks after.” 

You bit your lips to hold back a curse, and hung your head at your own stupidity. �� But one time..” you mumbled absentmindedly as memories of an unromantic quickie on the same night the pair returned home from their months long mission ran through your mind. A disappointing act that drove a rift in your relationship. That became a silent fight you never openly addressed; just picked up your things and moved into the shoe-sized spare bedroom. Something which neither part of double black seemed to mind. 

If anything you swore your absence in the bedroom brought them relief. 

To your surprise, Yosano rested a comforting hand on your shoulder. “ Sometimes one time is plenty. Now then to break the news-” She moved away from you and began stomping towards the door which separated her office from the rest of the medical bay. And ultimately, the space where your so-called lovers waited with the twins. 

“ No wait!” you cried. In an instant up on your feet, both hands wrapped around Yosano’s arm. Although she was undoubtedly stronger, the action was shocking enough to halt her movements. She turned to face you, surprise edged into her features. But you couldn’t meet her eyes. No, you did not want her to see that the seemingly perfect relationship had been reduced to shambles. A broken thing which had become filled with responsibilities and fear. The thought made your cheeks redden in shame; never ever in your life would you have thought you’d be fearful of your lover's reaction to seemingly joyful news. And even more shamefully, feel the need to make excuses for it in public. 

“ Tell me honestly Y/N” Yosano’s voice was low, the accusation unmistakable. 

“ It’s Dazai’s” You answered in a heartbeat, met her gaze full on with the most earnestness you had ever displayed in your life. “ Undoubtedly his.” 

You dropped your hand from her arm and brought it back to your side, wrapped it protectively around your stomach. You forced your lips up into a smile, hoped it looked innocent yet nervous. Then mellowed out the look in your eyes to the point the blush looked more shy than guilty. “ W-well, you know, Dazai’s been wanting a child of his own since the twins and I.. just want to break the news to him in a special way.” The lie rolled smoothly off your tongue and Yosano seemed to buy it. 

She laughed at you, teased you for the still corny behavior while lightly reminded you this wasn’t your first kid as she sat back down and began going over essential medical information with you. Information you took in with a smile, nodded in appropriate places without really listening. But who could have blamed you? 

Your mind was for once on your side as it formed second by second a feasible plan for you. Not easy, but manageable. Drunk on thought that you, YOU, the innocent little weak dove had gotten away with such a blatant lie gave you the courage you needed to indulge in those thoughts. The thoughts you hadn’t even dared to think of before. Now they felt so close and so real. 

Although, admittedly, the lie you uttered wasn’t a complete lie. Indeed, you intended to make sure he would find out this news in the most unforgettable way possible. 

You just never said the surprise was going to be good… 

Author note: The first part of this chapter is dedicated to each and every person who thought A Hit Beyond Rock Bottom was not heavy /angsty enough and Dazai’s actions weren’t too bad.

The second part is for us who can see that the reader is strong and it's time to see that strengths manifest itself into something useful. Well hope you enjoyed this and until next time~

Click here for: Part 1 , part 2 and part 3 or Check out Raven's masterlist.

©ravencincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reposted/copied anywhere else without my consent, please inform me!

[connabeth]

rick really woke up and said "what if i give the people what they want for once" and gave us grumpy black cat introvert percy and sunshine golden retriever extrovert annabeth we never knew we needed

also no one's talking about how percy made friends with annabeth's college's security guard (Florence or smthn?) so he's the only one allowed to walk in her campus anytime?

also I found a typo in the third chapter where dave was accidentally called paul which I found really funny

1) i’m glad this series is doing justice to annabeth’s personality because she spent so much of pjo & hoo caught in an inner turmoil of hurt and uncertainty and self-loathing and insecurity and fear given the circumstances of luke’s betrayal and percy’s imminent death. in spite of it all, she was still a bastion of hope and light throughout those books, but she deserves to be silly and unburdened by the weight of the world now that she has percy back and there’s no big prophecy (unresolved trauma aside). i think, in her mind, even though new, crazy things keep being thrown at them and she most certainly deals with a latent fear of losing percy at any moment, she’s resolute and confident that they can overcome anything that gets in their way of their dream of going to college and finding peace together because she feels that invigorated and wants it that bad. even if greco-egyptian gods or a triple goddess or a mortal apollo pop up throughout their senior year. i feel like she’s giving herself the freedom to just let go, breathe, be sure everything will be okay in the end, and just be excited about things without drowning in worry for once, which i love. she deserves to feel that childlike enthusiasm she was deprived of for so long. her confidence that they’ll be okay extends to percy being able to complete all his classwork and applications, which in turn reinforces his determination.

2) as for percy, he’s definitely the more outwardly insecure out of the two, mainly because of how his academic prowess pales in comparison to hers and the fact that he feels he doesn’t deserve her and she’s way better than him. percy thinking her SODNYC friends perceive him in the same critical light obviously isn’t helping. it’s evident in the way he’s amazed when he looks at her, disbelieving for a second that she’s his girlfriend, and how he observes her interaction with others more similar to her, feeling like an outsider who can’t understand that part of her brain the way her friends can. it’s even more abundantly clear when he believes “She would always succeed whether I was around or not,” which in theory is a sweet sentiment to have about your very capable girlfriend, but academic and social success aside, she needs him as much as he needs her and she’d see no point in being in california without him. but his insecurities and easy jealousy prevent him from fully understanding this even if he innately knows it’s a universal truth that they’re meant to be together. however, all this being said, percy’s characterization in wottg so far is a little…weird. in order for you to literally pee your pants, something must scare you or catch you off guard really, really bad. so while it makes sense for him to fear a powerful goddess, wetting his boxers seems like an extreme reaction. i know rick was probably just trying to insert immature humor, but the implications are not what he was going for considering this is the boy who didn’t have that reaction staring down titans and giants and nyx and tartarus himself. so forgive me if i think it’s a little insane that percy having such a visceral reaction to a goddess 13 year old hazel fared well against is out of character, even after taking into consideration his fear of not receiving and completing the remaining quests on time. it makes sense for him to be nervous and on edge, given the quiet of the past month, but that amount of fear towards a deity who’s not the most scary thing he’s faced down is an interesting choice since rick isn’t known for realistic depictions of PTSD and that likely isn’t the intention here. it’s also curious how it’s implied even a goddess as primordial as aphrodite caves in to hecate…

3) florence is the goat and i love percy making random friends to help his cause. he doesn’t go out of his way to befriend others in the mortal world unless they approach him first or there’s an opportunity there. and the fact that annabeth can a casually ask her friend to cover for her being gone from her dorm for several days makes me think this is far from the first time she’s snuck out for prolonged periods of time👀

4) this is an INSANE typo to have in a book because clearly not a single person proofread it and it doesn’t surprise me that it got past rick, but becky and several rounds of editors and everyone else in his circle who’s read the book not picking up on it prior to publication is wild. rick is too eager to have his self-insert be everywhere and it shows💀

[spadesolace]

what’s it like to date thomasian!chaewon as lasallian!reader

you met chaewon through a friend, literally was set up for a blind date, only being given her number, name, and one picture for your contacts

it was easy to pick a place and time considering how flexible your schedule was, being well aware of ust’s workload, you decided what would be much more convenient for her

a coffee date, the safest option there is rather than a dinner date bc who knows - you were a bit skeptical when your friend decided to reto you to her close friend

that date was the start of it all, 3 hours in and chaewon was swooning over you

“i’ll just go use the cr lang.” you excused yourself as chaewon was left by herself that she immediately messaged your mutual friend gushing over you.

“girl, bakit naman green flag tong binigay mo sa akin?” she had attached a selfie of herself wearing your jacket as she had mentioned to you that she was freezing. your friend did mention about it to you when things were going smoothly.

she prefers to study at her place in comparison to yours. there’s nothing wrong with it but it’s not as quiet.

sometimes would lurk at the DLSU freedom wall page in case anyone would confess their feelings to you or simply mention you

but also she asks about the jokes and comments in some posts

chaewon looks up from her phone and shows it to you, a post from DLSU freedom wall one that focuses on freshman students being the one’s at fault. “babe, why do you guys blame the freshmen?”

“i… i’m actually not sure, it has always been like that.” you shrugged, leaning closer to her as you squint your eyes at her phone screen. “why are you even following the page?”

whenever she’s stressed - easily irritated, she’d shout at you to stop tapping your foot or your pen, sometimes it’s also bc she forgot to eat with the amount of workload she has

exam weeks are hell for her, pulling all-nighters, multiple cups of coffee and energy drinks, literally stays up late and only sleeps for an hour or two

once exams are done for her, you always pick her up and let her sleep at your place so that when she wakes up (usually it’s already late) you’d be done with your schoolwork just so you could spend time with her

you’ve been her date to paskuhan twice, and you’ve invited her to animusika once - not really enjoying the fact of a bunch of people wanting to ask her out when you arm is literally around her waist

every date has been around espana or dapitan, somewhere close to chaewon but never at taft

has introduced you to her little sister (eunchae) and loves that you bond and spoil her the same way you do to chaewon

“eunchae, san galing yan?” chaewon points to the new trinkets displayed on eunchae’s desk. a soft smile on the younger girl’s face as she mentions you. it didn’t take long for chaewon to call and scold you for spoiling her little sister (even though deep inside she’s grateful).

if you’re stressed, chaewon would go out of her way and visit you at taft with your fave food knowing that you have the same bad habit as hers

would pepper you with kisses once you feel a bit better and keep you company, despite hating how noisy it gets at taft - if it’s you, she’ll keep her mouth shut and not complain

she’s a great girlfriend but tends to push you away whenever she’s mad, overthinking, overwhelmed, that she does run away from you for days till she’s back at your place drunk and crying for you to take her back

nevertheless, you still love her despite the bad habits

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Finished Last Twilight, and I'm not adding to the ableism discourse, because most things have already been said and with a lot of beautiful nuance that I agree with. But I do want to talk about how that ending arrived because of Aof Noppharnach's consistent symbolic commentary on the experience of living with HIV in much of his work, with an approach that's unique among all queer content. Imma skip Gay OK Bangkok since its not even a metaphor there, but I'll explain my rationale for the others, and we can just appreciate the foundation Gay OK Bangkok lays for us to think about the rest of his stuff.

The motif of life-saving medical intervention comes up in all but one of the works he takes screenwriting credit on. He's Coming To Me: P'Med dies originally because of a lack of medical intervention. 1000 Stars: Tian gets a heart transplant. Moonlight Chicken: this one's more subtle, but the whole series is explicitly established in the context of reopening following the COVID pandemic, and Wen will later say to Jim, "we are survivors." It was this line upon rewatch that made me start considering how thorough this theme is. Survivors of what? The meaning is three-fold: hard lessons in love, COVID, and, for gay men of their age, the HIV epidemic. The hope of medical intervention for Day's condition takes on a secondary meaning, with this trend in mind, even if the mixed disability politics between visual impairment and being HIV positive really fails.

His comparisons are more intricate though. Pills and daily regimens are a consistent motif. Day has his daily eye-drops, Tian his pills (which are presumably immune-suppressants to help accept the transplant but I'm not going to Viki right now and watching every ep to find out so someone feel free to correct me). 'But people take medicine for lots of things,' you say. 'Just because its gay doesn't mean its an HIV metaphor!' You have a fair point! But here's where Aof gets real fun and sneaky. P'Med dies from lack of pills the same year Torfun, whose heart will save Tian's life, is born, 1997. I'm mentioned once before 1997 as important for the class-conscious Aof because of the Asian financial crisis that Thailand set off that year. However, 1997 is also important because its the year HAART, or Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy was first used in Thailand (it had hit the market only one year earlier). HAART, a multi-drug regimen, boosted someone's life-expectancy with HIV up by 15 years, and its side-effects were significantly milder than previous approaches. The medical conditions of P'Med and Torfun's heart point us directly to HAART, and what it could offer.

Now we're moving out of the medical and into the experiential connections because, while Dark Blue Kiss is the only work Aof chose to take credit for screen-writing without incorporating medical references, it is by far the most dense with references to the issue of concealment. Its in the narrative as people closet identities and hide relationships, yes, but its in SO much of the visuals, too, most obviously the Pete & Kao mug hidden inside its coozie. It's easy to see the surface story about gay visibility and the closet, but there's a more specific subtext here about the associated condition that intensified the stigma of being gay and how that impacts your sense of self. Bad Buddy explores this issue less, but even in the BL Bubble, its haunted by the stigma of homophobia--it just shuffles it over onto rivalry so the audience can experience it without reproducing it.

However, the grief and shame of surviving when others haven't haunts Aof's other works much more intensely. Jim and Tian both are hung up on guilt for someone's death that they did not actually cause, continuing to pursue the goals for those that passed rather than their own. Then, there's Thun and P'Med, which is the best allegory for living and dating with HIV, bar none. It goes into the feelings of stigma and the limits of physical intimacy with partners that living with HIV caused, especially prior to Truvada's introduction in 2004. Even then, the show depicts how a HIV negative partner maintains the choice to participate in their own regimens, as Thun's desires for physical intimacy with P'Med manage their relationship and never the other way around.

This sense of required separation and gay identities that are less sex-focused also play into oft-maligned motifs in Aof's work. He's talked explicitly about people's criticisms of the limited physical intimacy in his earlier works that led to the more prominent stuff in Bad Buddy, but I hope given the above context, we can appreciate why physical intimacy is less of a priority than other kinds (and I'd add that 1000 Stars, which got the most sh*t about it, is actually one of the most erotically-charged BLs out there because of it's restraint). Then, you have the finales where characters separate for periods of time, and while I don't see this as explicitly tied to HIV experiences (Aof is literally following the book of romcom beats there, even if everyone whines about it), I can't help but appreciate a tangential connection to loving beyond time and distance that was required for those who lived with or lost loved ones to HIV.

I would've loved to see a version of Last Twilight that didn't absolutely bungle its metaphor, because it had every element to be something great (except, I'm sorry to the fans, lead actors with the necessary queer romantic chemistry). Watching the last episode, when the show seemed to finally rediscover plot and pacing, all the other pieces that had been drowned out by the disability conversation peeked their heads out, and I saw what the show wanted to be. The topics related to living with HIV of stigma, survivor's guilt, and assistive technologies: they were all right there, not just for Day but for everyone, if only they had been given the proper time to marinate to develop more complexity. It's the rare instance of a show where I'll choose to spend time imagining what could have been rather than obsessing over what was or just moving on. Even a misstep from Aof, like this, is overflowing with so many more layers than most series. The failures of Last Twilight, in relationship to his other works, even let you see how much food for thought he's providing.

[simplyreveries]

hii!! i just found your blog and the writings are all so good?!! can i request lilia, riddle, and epel with a yuu/mc that’s shorter than them? if it’s not ok you can ignore this!! tysmm(≧∀≦) and have a nice day!!!

i sometimes forget im the same height as riddle fkljd

lilia vanrouge

lilia is always teasing you about it even if it's only like… you’re shorter by an inch or two. he’s playfully telling you how cute and small you are in comparison to him; he tells you he thinks you're such a fragile human. he loves to hug you and bury his face in your hair, he’ll coo to you as he playfully rocks you side to side, it’s sweet.

sometimes he does make jokes regarding it and trust me they're so bad that its almost funny. (keyword almost, you just give him a deadpan stare). one time when no one could hear you saying something during class, lilia mentions "ah well i guess it can't be helped. after all, you're easy to overlook fufu". once again lilia says all these things like he isn't 5'1.

he enjoys giving you kisses on the cheek- but he also loves grabbing your face with his hands and lifting it up a little so he can give you a kiss on the forehead. then that would only turn into him attacking your face with kisses all over.

riddle rosehearts

he doesn't necessarily say anything about it, but he is quite happy to know you're someone that's actually shorter than him. besides, his dorm leader uniform usually gives him some extra height with the boots/heels he wears and has on most of the time. if you ever were to point that out, he'd give an amused look and be like "hm, i guess i am, arent i?" he feels so confident askdhahdj

one time after you did enough pleading with him to let him try on his heels that are a part of his uniform to feel that extra sense of height. he wouldn't admit it, but he found the whole thing to be quite silly and bit back some laughs.

riddle is a little content too with the fact that he has someone he looks down at when talking to instead of up… it hurts your neck yk. he has also developed a habit of petting your hair, especially when he’s in a soft and relaxed mood with you. he has a gentle smile on his face as he pets your hair as you're talking or whenever you come over to hug him.

epel felmier

im not even going to lie to you he is incredibly happy that you're shorter than him, it makes him just feel so good about himself… he is also genuinely surprised because it's not often he meets someone his age that's shorter than him. epel finally gets to feel confident and smug even if it's being a single INCH taller than you. you've once caught him standing next to you and discreetly doing the hand thing to see how much shorter you are than him haha.

even though he doesn't like the shoes vil gives him or makes him wear for pomefiore’s dress codes and such, he does like how much more of a boost it gives him to his height so that he can feel even that much taller than you, he’ll laugh and if you ask him why he’ll get closer to you and point that out.

he doesn't really take it kindly when other tall guys at nrc seem to tease you about it, he gets pretty defensive over you… like it's it's mostly because he's used to hearing it himself and knows how harsh people can be. he doesn't want to ever see you upset like him because of it too. he can't help but feel a little more protective over you.

[dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling]

Could you do alastor husk and nifty with a rat demon reader that collects ancient magic relics.

Alastor, Husk and Nifty x rat demon reader who collects ancient relics

Alastor

★ He's fascinated with the collection you have put together. You have plenty of ancient tools, objects, weapons and spell books that most people would gladly kill for. If where being honest, he's rather impressed by it.

★ He calls the room where you house your collection "y/n's cabinet of curiosities". He makes jokes about you sneaking inside people's houses to steal valuables like a rat stealing cheese. But maybe that's how you got so many, who knows?

★ He might try and get his hands on some mystical relic to give to you as a gift. It wouldn't really be too hard! He would only need to dispose of a few bodies... It would be well worth the look on your face.

★ He is very interested in the jewelery you have collected. It's functional and tasteful. If he ever proposed to you he would look for a mystical, preferably old, ring to propose with. He won't settle for anything less.

Husk

★ Look at this, a cat and a rat. Seems like a unlikely pair but hey, who really cares? He doesn't find it very funny, no matter how many times Alastor points it out.

★ As the hotels receptionist he knows the room where you keep your collection. He might be the only person who knows where it is, actually. It's really important to keep such valuable things hidden.

★ He thinks that you shouldn't really tell him where you keep your valuable things. He's a gambler after all, most are not that trustworthy. Anyone else would try to steal from you.

★ The idea of stealing from you just feels really wrong. That confuses him because he's done some pretty terrible things in his life (and afterlife). Stealing from you shouldn't be that bad in comparison, right?

Nifty

★ This is funny because she normally hates rats. She considers them to be terrible pests and does everything she can to keep them out of the hotel. Except for you, of course!

★ Asks a ton of questions, it's like talking to a toddler. At least if you want to info dump/talk about your collection you have someone who will listen to you. She likes the shiny objects the most.

★ As the hotels maid she has made it her responsibility to make sure that the collection is free of dust and regularly washes the relics down with soap and water. It's no easy task keeping knickknacks clean so thank her!

★ She knows that your collection is very valuable and acts accordingly. The hotel is her area of expertise, she knows who goes in and who comes out. Nobody is getting close to your stuff without her stepping in.

[curtain-caller]

The Parallels Between Korsica and Roquefort

So, when I was setting up my plans for Fly-High Rush, things were a bit one-sided in terms of group numbers, so instead of keeping Korsica the same, I decided to swap her and Roquefort. I figured they were similar enough to make a switch work.

But then I realized they were... really similar. Like, very, very similar. The comparisons just kept coming and they didn't stop.

So here we are. Welcome to my Ted Talk.

1. WIND ATTACKS:

Let's get one of the bigger comparison out of the way: both of them fight with wind. Korsica uses it all the time, from turning off generators to putting out fires to kicking Chai's ass. Then there's Roquefort, who throws out little tornadoes during his fight and tries to send Chai flying with his Big Bad Wolf attack several times. That move also requires Korsica specifically to hold it back with her own wind gust. Yeah, not much to say here.

2. Connection to a Vandelay Sibling:

See, this is the point that really got the gears turning in my head. Both of them have a close connection to a Vandelay sibling who saved their lives: Roquefort to Kale, and Korsica to Peppermint.

"I was on my deathbed when Kale saved me. I was smart, but weak. He fixed that." - Roquefort

"Your wound was really bad...We didn't have a choice." - Peppermint "You... saved my life." - Korsica

Not to say Peppermint saved Korsica single-handedly (shout out to Mac and CNMN, the true mvps), but then again, I doubt Kale painstakingly upgraded Roquefort's body piece by piece on his own, so my point still stands. Both Vandelay siblings had a hand in saving their lives respectively, and because of that, you can see the bonds formed between these two duos.

Peppermint tries to be welcoming and reassuring to Korsica when she first comes to after Kale's murder attempt, and Korsica returns that reassurance later on in Mimosa's level. She hasn't even been with the gang for a full mission yet, is probably still getting used to these changes, and she still tries to comfort Peppermint, especially during her "Kale's my brother" reveal.

Not to mention, during the optional conversations in Roquefort's office before you face Kale, Korsica's dialogue is slightly different in terms of topic. Everyone has something to say regarding their own specific character arcs and motivations, but part of Korsica's dialogue is specifically her worrying about Peppermint.

"But I'm a bit worried about Peppermint. This is personal for her." - Korsica "After all we've been through, it might not be easy... but I think she can handle it." - Chai "You might be right about that, but we need to be there for her when she needs it." - Korsica

Now going back to Kale and Roquefort, while their interactions are brief, you can tell that both of them have at least some respect for each other, which is a hell of a lot more than they give to most of the other Department Heads. Especially Kale.

"Zanzo, Stop. Just stop. Even you jumped the shark on this one. IN THE EYE? What the shit?" - Kale to Zanzo (via SPECTRA Hub vlog) "Only one of of four, Korsica? That's not a passing grade." - Kale to Korsica "It better! No slip-ups! And no defects." - Kale to Mimosa and Rekka Versus...

"Why not? I want to see just how angry you can get, if those punks make it in here." - Kale to Roquefort Sure, Kale still lashes out at him, he's not nice all of a sudden, but it feels like such a massive difference. Kale questions why he ever hired Zanzo, he tried to straight up KILL Korsica, and he's harsh enough to Mimosa and Rekka to the point that they flinch. Hell, REKKA of all people flinches twice. But here? Kale trusts Roquefort to handle things, even if he is a bit dismissive with the "you're just a number cruncher" line.

And on the other side of things, Roquefort is not only loyal to Kale, but surprisingly calm and casual around him. Casual enough to correct him and talk back.

"We...shut down the cafe." - Roquefort "When I said close the campus down, I didn't mean THE CAFE!" - Kale "You said close down everything." - Roquefort

The casual tone of voice is palpable. I genuinely think that's the least angry we see Roquefort, except maybe during the Boss Zoom meeting.

And if you want to go the shipping route, yes, shout out to my lesbians, not much to prove there, but... Hey Kale, do you want to explain why you, a confirmed dog person, gave Roquefort a robotic wolf fursuit? YOU WANNA EXPLAIN THAT??? HUH???

3. Similar Personalities:

They're cold, they're direct, and they're aggressive, and despite their rare goofy moments, I feel comfortable saying they're the most serious of the Department Heads.

Excluding the visual aspects (because this point would be null and void thanks to Roquefort fursuit), these two are by far the least hammy of the bosses. Unlike the others, who provide witty banter, plenty of cheesy lines and over-dramatic reactions, the dialogue for these two is rarely comedic or high-energy.

Here's some examples for comparison:

"I like defects. I like how they taste." - QA-1MIL

"So let's get ready to crumble!" - Rekka

Do I even need an example for Zanzo?

"Let's raise the stakes, and turn down the lights!" - Mimosa

"You've had a few hits, but I think it's time we break up the band." - Kale

Compare that to...

"Caught you off guard." - Korsica "I'll make sure you stay down this time!" - Korsica "You cocky LOSER!" - Korsica

"You sure made an entrance, lad. If you've come for me... I'd walk away." - Roquefort "Where's your confidence now, kid?" - Roquefort "I put my stock in futures, but not yours, kid." - Roquefort

The other bosses are willing to taunt and even go along with Chai's goofiness, but these two? Oh, they don't have much time for that. They barely hesitate, and are not holding back in the slightest. Korsica fucking yeets him down a slope, puts him in a headlock, knocks him out, does whatever she can to hold him back from getting to her office, and only pauses briefly to gaze upon his stupidity before whipping her batons out when he busts in. Even after she gets knocked out and sustains, like, 3 different flavors of concussion(5 if you count Chai and the vent hitting her), she gets RIGHT BACK UP! In a way, Roquefort is a bit more lenient, letting Chai into his office once he gets that far... but the "I'm not fucking around" energy is still there. He's like "Oh, you're really that determined? I respect it. Come at me, kid, I'm not fucking scared." And then he proceeds to back that up. He doesn't even bother attacking Chai with his regular form at first (or at all, frankly), he goes from 0 to 100 and refuses to fall somewhere in the middle. And finally, there's one similarity between them personality-wise that gets its own section, that being how...

4. They're Fueled by Anger:

Basically every boss is aggressive in some way, throwing all kinds of things at Chai as he consistently grinds their 30 day chips from anger management to dust, but here's the thing... When I say "fueled by anger", I mean health-wise. These two heal themselves on-screen because of their anger. With Roquefort, this is pretty well established. He constantly says that all Chai is doing is making him angrier, and that so long as he's mad, he won't be stopped, to the point that thousands of pounds of gold getting the drop on him was the only thing that could take him down. During the verse/phase changes, you can see his health bar quickly refill itself each time, and his wolf form model viewer description wraps this all up in a nice, neat little bow with this line: "Powered by Roquefort's own anger, attacking it will only make it more aggressive and powerful." Now, getting to Korsica... I'll only say this one thing. Can we just acknowledge she went from THIS:

TO THIS:

ALL BECAUSE CHAI CALLED HER OBLIVIOUS??? SHE'S OUT FOR BLOOD, SHE WANTS THAT TWINK OBLITERATED. "That's it! Now I'm mad!" - Korsica Anger Management? More like Angry Management, am I right?

5. Chai is Out of his Element:

*Holds Chai up by the scarf* Get his ass, you two (I say this affectionately)

Yeah, Chai is severely out of his element with both of them. These two fights are especially humbling for him, albeit for opposite reasons. Korsica is the one boss Chai can't just run in and beat the crap out of, so we see him struggle a lot as he constantly rolls nat 1s on charisma. He and the gang go through, like, three different plans in the span of the whole boss fight; first going with Peppermint's plan to state the facts and stay cool, followed by Chai's plan of trying to tire her out until she's willing to listen, and finally ending with "Fuck it, let's just kidnap her, we'll work on a plan D later". And to top it all off, Korsica throws an entire new addition to the parry mechanic at Chai in the middle of all of this, and he just has to keep rolling with it. For Roquefort's fight, I think it's pretty clear that Chai is TERRIFIED of him. He goes in all cocky and confident, thinking Roquefort's a pushover, and gets humbled QUICK when Roquefort reveals his true nature. You only very briefly see his confident attitude resurface during this fight, like when he knocks Roquefort through the glass pane to his money vault. Otherwise, he's either terrified or exhausted, especially at the end, gritting his teeth and getting ready to keep fighting because he has no other option. Not to mention the others are constantly reassuring and being protective of Chai during the fight via their call-in dialogue. Chai is straight up NOT having a good time. At least he got an unintentional nap after Korsica's fight, dude needs a rest after dealing with Roquefort. Where's SMIDGE when you need him, dude needs an energy drink, stat.

6. Boss Music:

Okay so I am NOT well-versed in musical vocabulary so like... bear with me on this. Hopefully this is coherent. Anyways, Negotiation and The Fizzith just... have the same vibe to me. Yes, I'm mostly focusing on The Fizzith, I believe in Streamer Mode Supremacy. First of all, I guess I can start off by saying that they're the only bosses with pure instrumentals for their tracks, with everyone else having lyrics in theirs. Second of all, both of their song formats just sound so... similar to me? Idk how to describe it, but like... They both start with a dramatic build up as they instill the fear of God in Chai, with Roquefort having that iconic classical music "DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN" intro and Korsica having a shorter, but still just as powerful, build up as she jumps up and whips her batons out. This is then followed by, like, a slightly softer and steadier follow up as it proceeds with the rest of the intro cutscene, as Roquefort leaps over Chai and Korsica turns down Chai's offer to talk. Then the tension gradually grows as the fight goes on, with each phase adding another instrument or two to make things more intense. The Fizzith is already a lot more intense than Negotiation at the start, but you can still hear the build up with each phase for both. And then finally, there's a small "calm before the storm" section, aka where Chai almost talks Korsica down, and when Roquefort is amping up for his final Big Bad Wolf attack. Roquefort's goes back to a steady sort of beat for a moment, while Korsica's has that quiet clapping and softened tone. This is then followed by an intense, deep, high-energy climax as Korsica starts throwing everything she has at you, and as Roquefort sends this lengthy tornado sound-wave barrage at you. While this format is by no means an original one (hell, I noticed a lot of this in Mimosa's fight too), there's just something about their music that just... feels interconnected to me. Like, if I had to sit down and imagine any other boss having a parry-based boss fight like Korsica's, just going by their boss fight music, I'd go for Roquefort (with Mimosa as a close second). And genuinely, I have actually sat down and imagined it, and it's almost perfect. I'm connecting the two dots, motherfuckers (I'm not connecting shit) I'M CONNECTING THEM-

7. Control Over Security:

And with that, we're now arriving at the much smaller points that I don't have as much to discuss about. So I don't really need to say much about Korsica during this section, for obvious reasons. But as for Roquefort, he IS the one who takes over once Korsica's out of the picture and shit starts to hit the fan. "Kale, I prioritized shielding the tower. Reallocated the budget so not a bug will get in." - Roquefort And both of them are damn good at holding Chai and the others back. Korsica takes 3 whole stages to get to her, keeping you on your toes the whole time with lasers, brakes, and enemies galore. I imagine it would've been difficult as hell to get into the Security Department in the first place if Chai didn't get knocked out and held for questioning. And while his segment is pretty short, all things considered, Roquefort gives it his all to shield Vandelay Tower, locking it down so well that even the smartest members of the TEA-m are stumped. Chai's the only one with an idea, and even that had several hurdles. The second they started connecting to the cannon to launch Chai, security comes rushing in, and he probably would've gotten caged in if SMIDGE didn't unintentionally hold the door open for him. Let's also not forget the big-screened wanted posters, the whole Invaders Must Die cafeteria fight, and that one specific fucking bird that threw Chai around like a hacky sack. THEY. WANT. THIS. TWINK. OBLITERATED.

8. Their Affection Towards Cats:

Korsica has a folder on her computer labeled "CAT Gifs", and Roquefort fawns over 808 when she uses her Steal the Show ability. I rest my case.

9. Accidental Puns:

Okay, so I would've titled this "both like puns", but the jury's still out on Korsica in my opinion. Yeah, Chai says she's lying about hating puns, but to me, she seems like she's... on the fence of liking them. Like, she's hesitantly annoyed by them. But I CAN say that they've both accidentally made a pun. "You think you can strong-arm ME?" - Korsica "Hey, YOU chose to fight-...Wait, you like puns too?" (points at his arm) - Chai "What? No!" - Korsica "Roquefort here. Shut this place down! Protect Finance at all costs! (Heh, I said "costs!") - Roquefort "Ughhhhhhhh." - Peppermint

10. Probably Awakened Something in Players:

It's no wonder how thirsty the fandom is when these two have some of the most charged lines in the game... "You broke my concentration. So how 'bout I break you?" - Korsica "Let's take this somewhere a bit more secure. So we don't disturb the neighbors." - Roquefort Welcome to Hi-Fi Rush, where they appeal to both the "I love the kind of woman who could kick my ass" community and the furry werewolf boyfriend sugar daddy community.

11. Visual/Dialogue Similarities:

Finishing this off is a section dedicated to miscellaneous visual or dialogue similarities that I couldn't fit elsewhere.

(The camera zooms in before I can get a good shot of Korsica actually ON her desk, so standard shot it is.) TOP 10 WAYS TO ENHANCE YOUR LEADERSHIP SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE #1: Jump onto your desk to establish dominance

Smug little losers...

GET FUCKING YEETED

Man, they even intimidated the camera man, they can't keep it straight.

Spiky, anime-ass hair/fur. Triangular.

Of course they have blue eyes and nails and pronouns (ft. Chai living the dream) Also, speaking of blue... maybe it's because both of theirs glow blue, but some of their cybernetics have the same vibe to me.

Mostly just the chest and the arms (since that's all Korsica's got). Maybe I'm just looking too hard but like... the blue tubes connected to the arms, the glowing chest... Okay, I'm running out of red string for my evidence board, moving on. Anyways, not as much to bring up about remaining dialogue similarities, but I still have a few. "Is that a floating cat? Ugh, nothing about you even makes sense!" - Korsica "The numbers are in... and YOU are OUT!" - Chai "Wow. That makes no sense, you idiot!" - Roquefort Behold Chai's natural ability to deal psychic damage by not making any sense whatsoever. And finally... mission plan dialogue. "Mission report. Just...go up." - Peppermint "Up?" - Chai "Up." - Peppermint "That's it?" - Chai "Looks like Korsica's in her office, and it's on the top floor. Hence, "up"." - Peppermint

"Chai, you're doing it! The Tower is unguarded. We're headed your way." - Korsica "Chai! Roquefort's office is a couple floors above you. Get up there and kick his ass!" - Peppermint When in doubt: go up.

So in conclusion...

[m00nt4r0t]

✮ what are their TRUE intentions with you? ✮

pile one, two, three, four, five or six?

think of a specific person as you choose your pile to see their true intentions towards you! also, these are short messages and very specific, so choose multiple piles if you feel called to do so!

top middle image created by myriadinart!

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﹒ . ⊹ ♡ ⁺ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹ ❀ . ﹒ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ pile one!

song on shuffle: "lotto" by tiacorina

their true intentions are not good for you, pile one. this person wants to make you feel insecure and powerless when in comparison to them. this person is very sneaky with you, and they're also very selfish. they with-hold as much information and generosity as they can from you. i'm seeing that this person wishes to hold as much power over you as they possibly can. this is someone who is very materialistic and may spend the last of their bag just to buy something that they don't need in order to feel valuable to others. they are most likely the type of person to buy clothes rather than pay their bills on time (maybe not clothes specifically, but the point is they've very reckless when it comes to their finances.) this person has a lot of inner conflict and they really don't even know what they want nor who they truly are at their core. they're very jealous of you and your home; they see you as someone who is very angelic and easy on the eyes. this person feels a lot like an energy vampire.

confirmation for some of you: this person lying to you often, not telling you about an offer, gatekeeping their interests and belongings, your own belongings missing after they've been around you, this person not smiling at you when you're smiling at them, they seem to always question your abilities and/or downplay your accomplishments in some way, they're always watching but never liking

﹒ . ⊹ ♡ ⁺ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹ ❀ . ﹒ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ pile two!

song on shuffle: "melting" by kali uchis

this person wishes to grow with you, pile two. they want to learn how to love you the way you need to be loved, and they also want you to do the same for them. the person on your mind truly want to grow and heal together with you. they don't want to give you anything small; they want you two's foundation to be sturdy and unbreakable. their true intentions are to make and build a happy family with you - whether that be with kids, pets, plants, or just considering you their own family. they may also want you to meet their family, and for them to meet yours. not going to lie, this person could've manifested you, or maybe even do spell-work in order to attract your attention towards them. this could be someone you've walked away from in the past or very recently. this person is very addicted to you, pile two. without you, this person is very sad and tends to fall back into bad habits and mindsets. this person wishes for you to nurture them and take care of them, possibly because nobody else can do what you do for them.

confirmation for some of you: you suspected this person manifesting you (and/or doing magick on you), this person is a bit manipulative but doesn't intend to be, they're very clingy with you and may always be watching your story/liking your posts, they are judgmental of themselves and their appearance, they care a lot about their health (and yours) and may talk about exercising, dieting or other self-care things a lot, may have cooked for you or offered to.

﹒ . ⊹ ♡ ⁺ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹ ❀ . ﹒ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ pile three!

song on shuffle: "DOGTOOTH" by tyler, the creator

this person does not have long-term intentions with you, pile three. this is someone who is all for the chase, but once they've caught you, they're already looking for the next chase. they're only interested in having fun and satisfying their short-lived desires. this is a mindset this person has, this is an intention they have with everyone. this person wants what they want and if they get it, they're ready to part ways and move on to the next. this person is unhappy at their core, which is why they're unsatisfied with everyone they come across; they want other people to fill their cup, but there seems to a leak because of their own neglect of their emotions and true desires. this person seems to be depressed when they're alone and/or not doing anything for too long. this person craves freedom, but then make false promises to people who are looking for true love. they are very sneaky, pile three. one of their manipulation tactic is being very soft and romantic with someone, letting them in on their creations and dreams, and possibly taking them out and buying gifts; but if things get too serious or they get bored, they're gone.

confirmation for some of you: they agree with all of your opinions without saying their own opinion, they seem to be "dick-riding" you (especially after an argument or being exposed), they make a lot of false promises and almost never fulfill their promises, they don't respond to you for long periods of time but when they do they love-bomb, you've seen this person lie a lot to other people, this person makes it seem like you have to have some sort of social value in order to be seen with them, they lie about not knowing people when they clearly know them

﹒ . ⊹ ♡ ⁺ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹ ❀ . ﹒ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ pile four!

song on shuffle: "show me how" by men i trust

unfortunately, this person is not intending to balance anything out with you, pile four. the person on your mind is very adamant on doing whatever they want whether this hurts your feelings or not. they seem to enjoy being sneaky and conniving - they get a thrill out of it. justice in reverse twice, alongside the devil twice. this person may have some sort of addiction that they said they would try to get over, but in all honestly i feel that they're doing the exact opposite of that. this person is very prideful and makes a lot of false promises, similar to pile three. it seems as though this person is proud of themselves for getting away with as much as they did - but they always get exposed somehow, you just may not always notice is. pay closer attention, pile four. the universe is speaking to you. this person is very immature, foolish, and values all the useless things in life. you're better off without them, if i'm being honest with you. you may get addicted to this person's energy because you're a healer and you feel that they need healing, but they're only going to drain you for as long as you allow them to.

confirmation for some of you: you have dreams about this person doing wrong in secret, they may have an addiction to entertainers (if you know what i mean), they're heavy into politics and you may argue over politics often, they're very touchy when they want something from you, they brag to you and others a lot, they've made a lot of promises that they didn't even put effort into fulfilling, this person may even be honest about some of the things they do behind your back but only after they've already been exposed

﹒ . ⊹ ♡ ⁺ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹ ❀ . ﹒ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ pile five!

song on shuffle: "part iv" by $uicideboy$

this person wants to carry out your destiny with you - they want to see you shine, pile five. they see the light you have within and they ultimately want to break the shell you keep yourself in and push you into the spotlight, where they feel like you belong. this person has a lot of deep love and feelings for you; they do not want use you. they simply want to help you. this person wants to enhance your creativity and help you to show your creations and talents to more people. this person wants to make a lot of decisions for you, mostly because if you choose then you won't choose public recognition or anything that has to do with following your dreams. i also get the feeling that this person does have a developing crush on you. although i don't feel that this person has any ill intent towards you, i am seeing that they are very generous with you because they want something in return - such as your love, time, and energy (maybe even your ideas as well.) this person knows that you're very creative and emotionally mature, so they'd do almost anything to keep you in their life for the long run.

confirmation for some of you: this could be a cousin of yours (minus the developing crush part lol), if not your cousin then they could be someone you met through your cousin (or a mutual friend), they have freckles or draw them on, they have very taboo kinks and desires, they are a bit edgier or listen to edgier music, they may try to have subtle power over your opinions and decisions by asserting their own thoughts onto you, they may be a bit flirty with you as well (if this isn't a family member of yours), they're very interested in what you're creating

﹒ . ⊹ ♡ ⁺ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹ ❀ . ﹒ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ pile six!

song on shuffle: "summer bummer" by lana del rey & a$ap rocky

this person wants forgiveness in this situation, pile six. they want to heal something with you, maybe something you two have gone through together, or that has happened between the two of you that caused pain and distraught. they want to put the situation to rest and move forward together into true, blissful happiness and love with you. they want you to work together and figure out how to make things better. this person doesn't want the silence or the awkwardness to last between you two; they want to put in the work and see the growth. they are willing to be very patient, but it does seem like they're tired of waiting. they feel as though you're not willing to put any work with them, and that you may not be putting any effort to heal anything with them. this could be because they were the ones that messed up the most in the connection, so you might have a hard time trusting and letting this person in again. this person is trying their best to get over their shadow side and may act as if they've already taken care of their issues, but they still have a lot of work to do.

confirmation for some of you: this person downplays their mistakes, they may have gaslit you in the past (or currently gaslight you), they try to appear more structured and collected than they truly are, they keep a straight face during harsh conversations, they prefer to be alone than with a group of people, they forgive you extremely easily (so easy that it's kinda suspicious), they could've done a lot of things behind your back thinking you wouldn't find out

﹒ . ⊹ ♡ ⁺ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹ ❀ . ﹒ ₊ ✮ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

thank you for reading & interacting! <3

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[bonefall]

How do you feel about "character joins bloodclan" aus? Im curious about ur thoughts since youre really in tune with the themes of the series but personally i just hate them bc its ALWAYS aimed at 'unfortunate' characters and always ALWAYS ignores the fact that bloodclan is a horrible place in-canon and that they're just reflavoring the abuse and trauma the characters qent through to be more emo or goth themed.

Ravenpaw is ALWAYS a prime target for this and its like. Great. You took the character being abused by their mentor figure and is being harmed from the violent culture the clan has generated... and giving them an EMO mentor figure who will inevitably abuse them and harm them as a result of the violent culture the emo clan has generated. Sasha is another one I've noticed- you've put the woman who lost her kit and is struggling to survive with the others while being controlled and abused by someone who sees her as an outsider (aka alone and easy to isolate), and are gonna put her in a faction who specifically separates kin from one another to easily control them and who have canonically tried murdering those who stick with their family. What was gained here.

Like i know bloodclan is revamped in ur au (thank god for it) but in canon bloodclan is HORRIBLE. People ignore that in favor of putting their favs into bloodclan bc bloodclan is cool and killed tigerstar that one time bc of revenge. Ravenpaw becomes Scourge AUS are SO SO SO much worse bc of this too- sure you manage to point out how scourge and raven has roughly similar stories in their youth but you could also do something interesting and make an au where raven and scourge are FOILS and do a firestar/scourge thing, while pointing this comparison out!! Instead you just went "Ravenpaw emo now and is sad about beating up Firestar his friend" and basically kept everything the same.

Sorry im basically venting here but i just dont like how people forget that scourge in canon does NOT look out for the 'little guy', he's a murderer and abuser who wants to keep his subjects afraid and separated so that he alone has power over them. Bloodclan is not the cool strong goth group, its the group where two cats slaughter eachother over a piece of twoleg scraps, only for the survivor to die bc the food was poisonous to cats and no one knew bc theres no cohesive group that can pass that knowledge around. its a fucking horrible place to live. Im not saying that you cant do interesting "character in bloodclan" aus (a Rusty who lives in bloodclan who STILL wants to do good but is shaped by the horrid reality of bloodclan would be fun imo) but its so often used with already traumatized characters as a 'solution' or 'fix-it with some emotional issues involved' that i just foam at the mouth and howl like a rabid animal on principle at this point.

Hmm... I think for me, it doesn't tend to read that way for me when the fandom makes AUs for it. I'm coming at BloodClan from a point of really deep critique and frustration.

BloodClan's not a REAL place, and what that means is, every speck of how horrible it was is a choice the writers made to justify its treatment. It was something they actively decided, because, BloodClan was a tool to suddenly invalidate the previous 5 books of TPB so that the series could comfortably conclude there was no need to upset the status quo.

If you haven't read it before, I recommend this post I made on how Darkest Hour Is A Personal Disappointment, but anyway;

We spend a whole series on how Fireheart challenges a broken society, because he is different. Their xenophobia, how isolationism and glory get people killed, the way that Tigerstar's greatest asset is how respected he is... these are bad things. They're things that Fireheart fights for several books.

But then, in the LAST book, in the 11th inning, they introduce BloodClan. They're just evil. They have no nuance. The narrative bends over backwards to stress that this group of evil foreigners LOVES murder, hates friendship, and doesn't believe in our good god.

Suddenly, the Clan cats have to be EXTRA xenophobic and glorious to kill these filthy, murderous foreign hordes. Clan cat belief in their good god makes them stronger than the bloodthirsty barbarians. Firestar kills Scourge and we can feel happy and triumphant about it, when Tigerstar was killed a few chapters ago and given a tragic sendoff.

So, I encourage you to step back from an emotional response to how Filthy and Murderous this group was portrayed, and look at it as a writing choice.

When Tigerstar, known cat-racist and murderer of mixed-race people, is killed by Scourge in self-defense, he is grieved by Firestar and commended for his "good qualities". (and then they retconned in that it was actually secretly revenge all along, not just self defense, so this killing is extra evil)

When Scourge is killed, Firestar just thinks about how it's cool he's not going to heaven, and how all of the previously ferocious BloodClan warriors look so inferior to the forest Clans.

And so, with all that said,

I'm 100% in favor of how the fandom widely looks at this, says, "fuck that" and just makes them the Cool Goth Group. I'd argue pretty strongly that the least nuanced idea of that is still infinitely better than canon.

There was nothing there. It was literally just Xenophobia-Is-JustifiedClan. They literally hated love and friendship and banned families so that Clan cats would look good in comparison. Banned families. You don't get this level of stupid evil from anything else but an 80s cartoon.

Maybe I just don't see the AUs you tend to see (I curate my Tumblr experience very well and generally hang out in more adult-oriented spaces, I can imagine a place like Amino being mostly kids who tend to be immature. Edgelord Angstpiddle is just a normal part of growing up), but every project I see that gives me a glimpse of BloodClan Ravenpaws and Sashas come with such tweaks already assumed.

Like, these are examples I've seen,

They'll have Raven be involved with the formation of BloodClan

Scourge will actually be a character with some pity and mercy, like how he was in Rise of Scourge when his abusive siblings begged him for food, and he fed them before sending them away.

no ban on love and friendship. Lol. Lmao, even.

More of the social structure will be based around acquiring food for people in a 'harsh' environment, leading to that battle, instead of just Evil Foreign Greed (which canon!scourge only had after being almost killed by tigerstar, because he said "actually, in light of new information that you are a murderer, i need to reconsider our deal.")

BloodClan will be overhauled completely. I've seen this a few ways. Connecting them to SkyClan, or the Oakstar raids on Chelford, or even as a positive entity; a surprise ally. (VERY common with BloodClan Ravenpaw AUs I've seen).

Anyways... (Shrug), I dunno dude, it doesn't bother me that much.

[mari-lair]

That’s a lot of questions, but I’ll try my best to answer them all!

.

Aoi doesn’t care about an individual perception of her, she genuinely has no interest in a stranger because she always assumes they have bad intentions. They want to hurt her: It does not matter if they are jealous or worship the ground she walks on, they they will hurt her. Which is a sad way to view the world, so she defends herself.

Her attitude is a big wall that says “If I don’t care about you or your opinion, you can’t hurt me”. 

She detaches herself from it all, preferring apathy over being vulnerable and opening herself to be hurt. This lack of confrontation, this apparent lack of care (she doesn’t seem to ask even simple things most kids would in her situation “Why are you bullying me?”) makes her feel arrogant, which feeds into people’s bad view of her and prove her trust issues right, which gives her more reasons to believe she is right and became more arrogant.

Akane was always there to stop anyone from going too far when messing with her, so she can look down on others even when they got aggressive without fearing for her health. She can’t be hurt emotionally in her indifference, and she doesn’t care about physical injuries, not when the most she’ll get with Akane around to protect her is a scratch.

So she keeps this up to the point Akane genuinely starts believing she is a tough girl that doesn’t care when people are mean to her.

But she does.

She just pushes it all away, and pretends she is above it all. Growing genuine in her arrogance after training herself to not care all the time, convinced the way the world sees her doesn’t matter, because they don’t matter.

Aoi can’t use this defense when she already cares about someone, but she still naturally assumes the worst of people when it comes to how they view her, so something as small as a petty fight with someone whose views she deeply values can be extremely hurtful.

She is scared.

“Akane hates me, he doesn’t want to be friends anymore, he never liked me in the first place!"

She is also visibly angry: She hates that she cares, she hates that she can’t hide it. Notice how she doesn’t say anything or try to run after Akane. She is trying very hard to convince herself she “Doesn’t care”, she wants so badly to ignore Akane, or to hate him, but she can’t do either, so she defaults to being angry at herself.

The reason Akane finds her crying so cute is not because the tears look cute, is because it shows how much she cares about him. Under all that bravado and arrogance Aoi is a sensitive girl who wants to be loved, and she is very attached to the people she considers friends, she can act tough all she wants but if a loved one says "I hate you" she is so distressed she cries.

Aoi hates how sweet and 'weak' her heart under all her icy defenses. Akane finds it cute.

Akane was her only friend for most of her life, so the person she pays the most attention to, and the one she compares herself to the most is Akane.

Akane is the direct opposite of her: People are unfair to Aoi and she react by closing her heart so no one can hurt her. People are unfair to Akane, making him do annoying work without giving him anything in return, and he reacts by loudly acknowledging people are being unfair instead of bottling up any discomfort, and trying his best anyways instead of running away, keeping his heart open and wearing his emotions and feelings on his sleeves. 

Akane doesn’t care about others opinion of him, he’ll swing his bat like a crazy person at school and be rude as fuck to people he just met, but he help other because he wants to help, he is a nice person.

In comparison to Akane, Aoi feels selfish, cruel, and cold. She only ever cares and worries about her close friends because their opinions matter to her.

Akane is someone even she, with all her walls, can’t help but love. And since she is the oppose of him... Is easy to come to the conclusion she is unlovable. She may not care about a stranger calling her a slut, but she can see people don’t like her. Again and again, people always find some problem with her.

She hates herself too, so she is convinced even the people that claim they love her don’t care about her, they just love the sweet personality they come up with after seeing her pretty face, and they’ll hate her when they realize there is more to her than a cutesy smile.

She is unlovable by design, so she assumes the only reason her friends don’t hate her yet, is because they don’t know her true self.

The “cute, sweet, and friendly, popular girl with a pretty face!” is loved. She is Nene’s best friend, the girl all the guys want and all the girls envy.

But Aoi? The arrogant and distant coward that is scared of caring too much? She isn’t loved by anyone. She is sure she will be rejected if she act honest, so she doesn’t even try.

Her life was never a “perfect life”. 

Aoi is either by Nene's or Akane’s side. She isn’t close to anyone else.

The manga is in Nene’s point of view so her situation is narrated through rose tinted glasses: Nene lives in a fantasy world where Aoi’s life is perfect since being popular is Nene’s dream, so Aoi’s popular life must be amazing! Right?

Nene can’t break this view. Even when the truth stares her in the face. She does not change her view.

Aoi was a wreck when she tried to apologize, but she does regret trying to kill Nene, she wants to apologize, so she tries her best to get out of her comfort zone and face her biggest fears for Nene: She is willing to have a confrontation instead of hiding

Instead of asking Aoi how she feel, or making any questions about her behavior, Nene immediately dismissed all of Aoi’s actions. Nene doesn’t want to deal with Aoi’s problems, she just wants her popular bubbly friend back.

Their hug in chapter 96 means Nene embraced the “popular girl bff with a pretty face” and rejected Aoi. 

Aoi is hurt by this, but she is a coward, so she accepts it, pretending nothing happened. (I go into more detail about Nene’s views, and why Aoi doesn’t open up: Here.)

Despite all her flaws, Aoi is not nearly as bad as she sees herself as, she is mostly insecure, desperate to be loved even when she feel like she doesn’t particularly deserve it. 

She is harsh on herself, wanting to keep all her emotions under tight control, but she is sweet to her friends, she genuinely loves them and tries to fight her bad habits. She wants them to be happy! 

She’ll get invested in topics she doesn’t personally care about, because she knows Nene likes it, and worry about Akane’s health for the simple reason that she cares, she wants the best for them.

Her sweet side clashes with her bad habit to always assume the worst.

Despite being a sweet girl at heart, caring about others is still very painful. It does not come easy for Aoi, who has trained herself to be isolated from her peers.

She wants her friends to look at her, she wants to be important and be reassured she is loved! But even when she is shown love, she doesn’t believe in it

She convinced herself they don’t care about her, just like all these strangers don’t care about her. And she is arrogant enough to believe she is always right, so if she can’t see this ‘wonderful girl’ Akane sees, it just means Akane is the wrong one. That this isn’t her insecurities talking, Akane is the one lying, he is the one that doesn’t truly love her. 

 Aoi believes she has misled him just like she had misled Nene, and she wants to talk about it, she wants to be honest, she is so tired of hiding her flaws! But she is too scared to risk losing the love she is given so she will keep hiding, she’ll keep lying to herself that it doesn’t matter, as she has done since she was a small child.

All the things that she claims to hate about Akane, the things that make her feel envious, and lacking in comparison, are also what she wishes she had, things she genuinely admires about him. Things that make him so special and “easy to love” in her eyes.

The idea Akane isn’t lovable does not compute to her. She never says “he is not my type” even when she is neck deep in denial because to Aoi, only an idiot wouldn’t see how lovable Akane is, and Aoi is too arrogant to lower herself to the level of an idiot.

She adores him so much that even when she believes the “cute humble and popular Aoi” is the only Aoi he’ll ever love, she can’t let go. She keeps him at arm's length to not get too attached, but she can’t bring herself to truly run away, to reject him point blank.

She wants him after all, when we get a glimpse of her alone with her defenses down, she melts just from watching him work hard.

She wants them to be closer (unrelated but I can’t get over how she went “watching Akane from my window isn’t enough, let me lean on my balcony, so we are closer.”)

She wants them to be side by side. She wants to accept his confessions. But she is too scared to admit even to herself that she is smitten.

Opening up is hard for her after all, and admitting he cares about him so much? That’s terrifying. 

So she runs. 

Because if Akane gets too close he might see her flaws, and if her “unlovable self” make him stop loving her, if her flaws make him leave her, she will crumble.

When her usual defense of “I don’t care, you can’t hurt me!” isn’t effective, her second one is to distance herself from what is hurting her so she has some ‘control’ of the situation.

The drug no.6 gave her may have lowered her empathy, but “discarding people so they can’t hurt her” and “running far far away” has always been an itch she had. She always dismisses any stranger from her life, because she doesn't need them. She always runs away when she is hurt.

Is a desire born from the ugliest, most selfish, and insecure parts of her heart, something her kinder and friendlier side never allowed her to act on. But it is a part of her, the one she hates: this is the “unlovable Aoi” to the extreme, fully out.

Is a part she constantly tries to hide, but is always there, as important to her character as her kindness. A part of her that is resentful of the world and wants to stop caring altogether, to hide and hide forever, make it so only she can hurt herself.

She assumes if Nene asks Akane out he’ll accept, despite how much Akane only focuses on her, so she spends a week without going to school to spare herself the pain.

She accepts Akane “have been lying and secretly still likes Lemon” right away because of a silly ghost game, going straight into depressive mode and running away from the pain.

She genuinely wants Akane to be happy, and while she wants him to be happy with her, she hates her possessive nature, using her usual defense mechanism and trying to convince herself she doesn’t care about him, that he is disposable.

She doesn’t want to hurt anyone but she is arrogant, so she doesn’t protest or do anything to show she likes Akane (even when its obvious), going “I hope you’re happy” and running before she says what she really wants and ‘ruin their fun’ and ‘give her feelings away’.

She wants control over the situation: To leave before others ‘inevitably’ leave her. And Akane knows.

But he genuinely like her for who she is, he know how sensitive she is under her smile, so he always run after her to calm her down.

Akane is her biggest weakness and Aoi despises feeling weak and out of control. So her crush on him is a two edge sword.

She genuinely believed Akane doesn’t love her real self, but she also used it as an excuse to have control over her crush, to justify her lack of courage to pursue a relationship. 

She is still the same scared kid that cried when Akane said he hates her and got mad at herself for crying about it.

She is too arrogant to admit Akane has control over her feelings even when her composure is shattered.

Part of her genuinely doesn’t want to care, she wants to raise her walls and keep Akane away so he can’t hurt her! That is why she stabbed him and tried to throw him away in the first place.

She tries so hard to use her usual “I don’t care about you, so your opinion can’t hurt me” strategy with him, it's frustrating that it doesn’t work. 

She is a flustered mess by the point Akane start gushing about a flaw she hates so much and makes her life difficult.

The reason she is uncomfortable with Akane is because she is uncomfortable when she can’t control her emotions. And Akane? He could make her blush even when his approach was so tactless she dissociated from his shower of  neverending compliments, so this assertive approach, practically forcing Aoi to accept that he likes her for who she is and that she can’t run away from his love no matter how hard she tries, it’s as much of a dream (she always wanted to be loved fully) as it is a nightmare (he is too direct! He does not give this poor coward a break!!).

He doesn’t allow her any escape. He is taking her far far away from her comfort zone. Her panic is completely and utterly genuine. Help her cause she does not know what to do.

She isn’t able to give him a verbal answer when Akane asks “Do you like me, even just a little bit?” but Akane never expected an answer.

He only acted so bold in the first place (holding her and kissing her neck) because at this point, he already knows she loves him.

Aoi doesn’t deny his claim, she doesn’t use meaningless excuses like “We can’t marry because that would make me Aoi Aoi” , she just... cling to him, holding on.

Only after she hugs him back (which is a silent “I love you too” in this context) does Akane go for the kiss.

Let's compare when Akane tries to kiss her to a similar scene where she is genuinely uncomfortable so I can show you she is more nervous and flustered by his advances than truly scared or uneasy.

In chapter 24 Hanako possessed Nene and tried to ‘seduce’ Aoi. Aoi had no idea supernaturals exist at the time, and she even goes “Nene-chan...?” to show she fully believes this is Nene, not some ghost possessing her friend. 

There is a lot of focus on Nene’s reaction, an attempt to make it comedic, but Aoi is extremely uncomfortable with this forceful behavior.

Aoi likes Nene, Nene is one of the two people she considers a friend, but she hated this: She is sweating, there isn’t even a hint of blush on her face, and she keep her hands far away, having her back on a wall. She likes to hold hands with Nene, comfortable being touchy with her friend, but in this situation, her instinct is to lean away. She doesn’t want it. She is uneasy.

Now let's go back to chapter 69. There are a lot of similarities, both Hanako (who she assume is Nene) and Akane hold her chin before trying to kiss her and both have her backed into a wall. Akane should arguably be worst cause she hasn’t been touchy with him in years while she is constantly holding Nene’s hand, but not only does Aoi blush, she doesn’t try to run from her feelings like usual, she reaches for him, holding on to his jacket.

She isn’t confident, she is sweating and shocked, (which makes sense considering how chaotic her night have been) but there is light in her eyes: She is scared, but she wants to kiss him too.

She have craved to be closer to Akane for ages but this talk didn’t magically heal her issues, no matter how much she dislikes this part of her, she is still an arrogant coward at heart: This kiss is hard for her. Any sort of intimacy is. It goes agaist her instinct to hide and sabotage herself.

That’s why she always blushes hard and gets extremely nervous with Akane when he gets too close. Even when what he is doing isn’t forceful, it feels overwhelming to Aoi.

She needs to hold back the urge to run. She needs to fight the urge to think about the worst and trust him, allow Akane to have sway over her emotions.

She still have a long way to go, and I’m rooting for her.

[cowboyemeritus]

Il Suo Campione (Copia/Reader)

Chapter Eight

Series Masterlist

Summary: Copia learns the horrible truth.

Content Warnings: references to gang violence, drug abuse/addiction, brief mention/description of a corpse

Read on AO3

notes: hey everyone! sorry updates are getting farther apart - i've been having some problems staying motivated. seeing all your support for this story helps, though, so thank you all so much :)

as of right now i'd say this is about the halfway point of the story. i genuinely do want to finish it, so please bear with me while i sort out this writer's block issue.

i feel like there are a few clunky parts of this, but i got to the point where i felt i just needed to publish it lol. sorry in advance. i hope it's somewhat interesting, at least.

a few people have asked to be tagged when new chapters come out, so if you want in on that lmk!

thanks again! feedback is always welcome. you all are the best :)

Copia has struggled to keep you off his mind since the night of the match. The evening’s events had only confirmed his growing suspicion that there is something seriously amiss with you. It’s easy for him to look back and recognize you’ve always been quiet and detached, yet constantly on guard and prone to bouts of explosive rage. Whatever, or whoever, instilled that in you had exited your life long before you met. What is new is the hate he saw reflected in his bedroom mirror, and the shame in your eyes when you lost. From his experience being Nihil’s son, those are feelings with which Copia is intimately familiar. They’re easy for him to recognize and treat accordingly in others. The rest he’ll have to work on.

He ties not to think about the emptiness in your eyes as you watched Diego bleed out on the cold, dirty concrete. Something tells him that’s out of his wheelhouse.

Copia’s cheek is still tender from where Mary had hit him. For the scrawny creature that he is, the greasy punk can sure pack a punch. As much as he wants to drag him through the streets for it, he really should have seen it coming. Mary is the protective type, and Copia certainly didn’t help himself by neglecting to call or make your whereabouts known until the next morning, returning you to your bother concussed, battered, and zoning in and out of reality. Copia knows he deserved it, at least in part.

“You don’t know anything about her!”

Mary is naive; he doesn’t know half of what goes on in the dark recesses of this city. He hasn’t had to make the painful choices, the sacrifices, that keep this kind of business flowing. But, he’s right. Copia has no idea who, or what, you really are. The notion is starting to eat at him.

Heaving out a sigh, he pulls into Secondo’s driveway. The crunch of the gravel under the car makes him nervous; he’s always convinced there will be glass or nails or something sharp waiting in there to fuck up his tires. He holds his breath as he drives up to the house and parks, slowly letting it out only once he’s certain nothing has popped. Stepping out of the car, he looks up at the blocky, brutalist home, a shock of gray against the blue sky and rich green of the surrounding pines. In a very childish part of his mind it looks like some sort of supervillain lair, an ominous thing ready to swallow up all who dare enter. Considering what business-related activities occasionally go on inside, it’s not a far off comparison.

Copia groans. He’s not as bad as Nihil, but Secondo has always been the runner-up for family hard-ass. It’s a product of their childhood, he thinks. Secondo and Terzo were so close in birth they were raised like twins. As they grew up, someone naturally had to balance out the ambitious, reckless energy of the third brother. While he’s no stranger to debauchery, at his core Secondo is a calculating, exacting man, brutally efficient in everything he does. Seldom does he waste time with pleasantries and fluff.

The garage door begins to lift, the racket startling Copia. As the panels slide upwards more and more of his brother is revealed. First, it’s his shoes, fine Italian leather polished to hell. Then, his slacks, starched and pressed like he’s having tea with the Queen. There’s a clean, white dress shirt and then Copia is looking Secondo in the face. He doesn’t appear as put together as he usually is, something a bit haggard about him. The creases under his eyes are deeper, a dusting of stubble across his jaw. From behind him two men appear, each holding the end of a large mass wrapped in sheets. As they pass by him, carrying the bundle out of the house, Copia instinctively knows that Diego will be resting in peace from now on.

“Come in.” It’s not quite a command, but not an invitation either. Copia would have preferred a “hello.” Sheepishly, he follows as his brother turns and walks briskly to the door separating the garage from the rest of the house. It’s a short journey. As with all of Secondo’s things, the space is staggeringly neat, no boxes of junk colonizing the floor like at his home. He glances over at one of the parked cars, a 55 Coronet, and smiles to himself, remembering when it was new. It had been bright red back then. Secondo’s face had been a similar shade as he sat in the back seat, knuckles white while Primo gave Copia his first driving lesson. With every jerk of the vehicle a new vein appeared on his forehead, Terzo lauging harder and harder until he’d nearly pissed himself. They went to the creek after that, Copia battling nausea from a cigarette, his first, that he’d bummed off his third brother. That had been a good day.

At some point in the 60s, Secondo had the coat changed to black. By the 70s, it had been involved in so many crimes he’d stopped driving it altogether, the plates removed and shredded. Now here it sits, gathering dust, a relic of more innocent times. As Copia crosses the threshold into the house, he finds he’s not smiling anymore.

Despite his home’s harsh exterior, Secondo is a man of taste. A sensualist. His decor reflects that, all dark leather and silk, shelves lined with antiques and souvenirs from his travels. His office, however, is the only room that actually looks lived in. It wouldn’t be a surprise to Copia if he slept in there. There’s very little in the way of mess, but with a trained eye, he easily picks out the hints of disorder that are hidden around the room like Easter eggs: crumpled wads of paper on the floor by the wastebasket, a coffee cup perched precariously on the windowsill, the contents long cold. The decorative pillows on the couch could use a good fluffing, and there’s a quilt, the once colorful fabric faded, folded haphazardly and draped over the back. Maybe he has been sleeping here.

Secondo clears his throat, putting an end to Copia’s scavenger hunt. He looks across the desk at his brother, suddenly feeling like a child again. From the expression on his face it’s clear he’s in for a scolding. Copia holds back a groan, crossing his ankles and tucking them beneath his chair. He’d better get this over with.

“Is this about what happened the other night? I don’t have any details other than-“

“The girl,” Secondo says. “This is about her.” Copia is stunned. For a moment he stares at his brother, blinking, before even trying to open his mouth.

“I-” Suddenly he feels a bit flustered. “What- The fight? I know w- she lost, but…“ His underarms are uncomfortably sweaty. Terzo said he’d work on it. Perhaps he’d been drunk that night after all, the bastard. “What did you think?”

“She is far too attached to you. That is what I think.” Copia is taken even farther aback.

“Excuse me,” he sputters, quirking an eyebrow at his brother. “But I do not understand why that’s any of your business. Do Primo and Terzo’s,” for a moment he’s stuck on what to call you, “associates need your approval now too?”

Secondo rolls his eyes. “This is different,” he insists. “She is different.” Copia can’t meet his brother’s gaze, eyes darting to the window. Outside, a small, gray bird perches on a branch, preening its feathers. It looks up suddenly before taking flight, a blur of brown and white in pursuit. Copia swallows, crossing his arms.

“There is nothing wrong with that, fratello,” he grumbles, not sure how much he can defend you beyond that. He knows what his brother really means. But is this what he called him here for? To critique his choice in women? “And you’ve had your fair share of weird girls-“ He jumps when Secondo bangs a fist on the solid wood of the desk.

“Fucking Christ.” For a moment, there is something unreadable, but deeply frightening, in his eyes. He lets out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. The tension in the room is palpable, thick like tar and just as foul. Wordlessly, Secondo rises from his seat, shuffling over to a beat-up, old filling cabinet in the corner of the room. Flecked with rust, it is, perhaps, the only common-looking thing he owns. From his pocket he produces a set of keys that clink together as he unlocks one of the drawers. Copia can just barely see that it is full of documents, organized into neat folders. Carefully, he reaches into one of the files and produces what appears to be a newspaper clipping. He looks back and forth between Copia and the paper for a moment, the conflict surprisingly plain on his face. With another heavy exhale Secondo settles back in his chair, placing the slip face-down on the desk. With a look that says “I told you so,” he slides it over. Copia takes a shaky breath, feeling his brother’s eyes bore into him. Leaning slightly forward in his seat, he gingerly turns it over.

He’s confused by what he sees.

The cutting is of a portrait, taken in a department store studio. There are two people in it. One is a man in his early thirties. His face has a gauntness that immediately tells Copia he’s a user, his skin pale and slightly jaundiced. He smiles but his eyes are tired, the creases around them deep and the circles dark. He’s strung out, only just holding himself together for the sake of the little girl next to him. As his eyes drift over to the child, who cannot be older than four or five, Copia feels his blood turn to ice.

Even twenty years younger, the girl in the photo is unmistakably you. He would recognize that face anywhere. Still, it takes a moment for him to fully process exactly what he’s staring at. That smile… You look too innocent, too happy to be, well, you. Whoever this is, she is a copy, a sick fabrication of the person you could have been. It’s just not right. It’s uncanny.

“I don’t…” Copia tugs at the collar of his shirt, finding he’s in desperate need of oxygen. As the pieces begin to click together, a knot of dread settles deep in his stomach. “Why do you have this?” Secondo sits there with his arms crossed, eyes full of more emotion than he has seen from his brother in a long time. There’s anger, pity, and shame there. Copia says nothing; he already has half the answer anyway. “W-what…” Unable to find the words he sighs, letting the breath out slowly. A few strands of hair have fallen in his face and he brushes them back, steeling himself. With a look to his brother that he hopes conveys resolve he straightens in his chair. “Tell me. The whole story.”

Without breaking eye contact, Secondo pushes his readers further up his nose. When that hand comes down the tip of his pointer finger is resting on the forehead of the man in the photograph. “One of ours. Started dealing to pay back some debts. I am not sure who he owed, or for what. I never knew him personally.” There’s a moment of understanding, an unspoken agreement between the two brothers. They don’t know, but they know. It’s too familiar a story, one Copia has heard hundreds of times to the point where he’s sick of it.

And yet, the show goes on. The coffers must always be full.

“He tried to make a deal and it went sour. Nearly got us busted. Fuck, I have never seen Nihil so pissed.” A memory resurfaces: his father, fists still shaking, setting down a pair of bloody brass knuckles on the breakfast table. They never managed to get the stain out of that tablecloth. “The numbers were already suspicious. It did not take us long to find that he had been skimming off the top for his own use. He stole from us, fratellino.” In this line of work, that’s enough to justify almost anything. Secondo glances back down at the photograph. “So we did what had to be done. Those were father’s orders.”

There is a long moment of silence between them. Copia is reeling, still trying to make sense of this devastating information. This can’t be. This has to be some cruel joke. He looks down at his hands. They’re far too clean. A disturbing thought crosses his mind. “She was there?” Secondo shrugs.

“We did not see her.” An even worse thought rears its head.

“If she…” He swallows, not wanting to accuse his brother but needing an answer. “Would you have… You know.”

Secondo shakes his head, gazing out the window. The disgust bleeds through even the most minute shifts of his face. “No. Not for anything. And certainly not for Nihil.” Copia feels his shoulders drop but is still on edge. His brother is never this forthcoming and it’s overwhelming. It’s all too much.

“I see,” he says, feeling a little sick. We made her this way. Before he can stop himself the image of you lying on that old boxing mat, confused and hurt, flashes through his mind. You had told him you were sorry. Whether he wants to laugh or cry at the cruel irony of that he doesn’t know.

This is all my fault.

“Does the old man know?”

“No,” Secondo grunts. “And he never will. But the girl has to go.” Copia is stunned, then enraged.

"I won't let you touch her."

Secondo waves him off. "I meant she should skip town."

“Still, why?” The anger returns to his brother’s face.

“Vengeance, Copia. What would she do if she were to find out the truth? She may already know. For all we know, she could be feeding information to the Giordanos as we speak. That would certainly explain why all our fucking product is going missing.” The insinuation lights a spark inside of Copia.

“You think I don’t know the people who work for me? That I share Family secrets for pillow talk?” He scoffs, crossing his arms. “I haven’t told her anything about the business. She is innocent in all of this.”

“Then all the more reason why she must go. You will get her killed, if she does not kill you first.” Logically, Copia knows he’s right, but the implication that he can’t protect himself, that he’s become your unwitting fool, just makes him feel like a child. If he had wanted that, he would have gone to Nihil. And there’s another, deeper part of him that knows he can’t abandon you now. Not after what his family — what he — has done to you. His heart aches at the thought, despair beginning to take root. He has to make this right, but how? How do you even begin to repair damage like that? It seems like an impossible task.

“Why would you tell me this,” he mutters, still staring at the beaming little girl in the photograph. He can’t recall ever seeing you smile. Have you even felt happiness since that day?

“Because we are family. I have an obligation to protect you.”

Copia grunts, angry and sad and ashamed. He glares up at his brother. “When has that ever mattered?” Secondo furrows his eyebrows.

“It has always mattered.”

For a moment, Copia forgets himself. “Where was that rhetoric when Terzo-” He stops, pressing his lips together. Across from him, Secondo sits silently, but there is the faintest trace of hurt in his eyes. Copia wants nothing more than to curl up and vanish, to turn into a little bug and crawl away. “I’m sorry, I-“

“That is all I had to say,” Secondo states, unwavering. “I strongly suggest you take my advice. You can be on your way.” Copia knows it’s not a suggestion. Nodding, he rises from his chair. Secondo stays seated, skimming over one of the papers littering his desk, no longer paying him any mind. He doesn’t bother saying goodbye, mind racing as he sees himself out of the house.

When Copia gets back in his car he sits there a while, his head in his hands.