#it’s discouraging because I want to write something that people think is genuinely REALLY GOOD and i can’t ever get my word count

[27-royal-teas]

heyyyyy yall sorry I haven’t posted a fic in like. a while. school has picked up and I have rehearsals for dance and the musical and show choir and basically im ALWAYS busy, and I impulsively joined this songwriting competition thing and the song is due in like five days and I haven’t even started writing it, and when I have free time I dont really have energy to do anything other than scroll tumblr so i promise I will put out a fic. at some point. when I write one. but it may be a while just warning ya

[olderthannetfic]

Genuine question: what's the point of writing fanfic? As in, what's the purpose? No one in the fandom I'm in comments on fics and I even got told off by one person for doing so, as it "encourages bad writers and makes them think they're good". So it seems that it's a lot like book writing, where people work hard and are creative, but instead of getting paid and getting comments on the work, you just sit there silently hoping someone will press the kudos button and make a number go up. I feel like that time and work could be better spent on making something you might get some kind of profit off of. Don't get me wrong, I love doodling fanart, but I don't post it, as I'm aware that there's no point to doing so, and while it's a nice way to fill the time on a commute, it's not something that takes me as much time and effort as fanfic does. So... why do people bother? Sometimes I describe ideas I have and people I know in my fandom will tell me I should write it, but I don't see why. I get more interaction from just saying "imagine if [thing here]" than I would by sitting down, writing for hours, editing and posting [thing here], so what would the point be? I'm not punching down or going "haha women and their fanfic lol!", I genuinely do not get what the point is and this blog feels like it might have someone reading who knows the answer.

--

Do you make art for profit? Genuine question.

There's nothing inherently wrong with being motivated primarily by external factors, but it's not actually why a lot of people create things, whether it's books or recipes or doodles in a notepad.

I enjoy the actual process of writing.

I think many people lose sight of that aspect in an era where tons of <500-word fics that are mostly outlines and "Imagine if..." posts get disproportionate attention for being easy to consume. But the satisfaction of doing a bigger art piece and doing it right is real and motivates a hell of a lot of creation.

I suppose you might be thinking "Okay, but why not just write it alone and never post?", but I like sharing. Showing off my finished creation is part of the joy, and sharing with other people like me is too. But those aren't quite the same thing as worrying about kudos. It's like dressing nicely when you leave the house because you feel great when you know you look good vs. needing another person to tell you you look good.

To be honest, though, this type of feeling has grown in me the better I've gotten at a craft. The closer my finished projects get to the vision in my head, the easier it is to find them fulfilling and to be excited to share them. When I fall short of my own ambitions, it's discouraging no matter how much attention I might get from others.

I feel like it's time for my regular reblog of Adam Westbrook's video essay series The Long Game.

The third and least known in the series is all about this idea of who you're making art for if you're not getting material rewards in the short term. It talks a lot about autotelicity—being internally driven instead of externally.

--

But if you really just want clicks, anon, start a blog that accepts anon asks and posts about wanky stuff. Actually tag things, unlike me, so people can find you.

No, writing for attention isn't worth it.

The time investment is too great and your brain will always fixate on the times people didn't respond instead of the times they did.

But that's not actually why most people write.

[gaypastabake]

sad Edge head-cannony rambles

hey um uhhhh [Spoilers for the entirety of Sparks of Hope] and also TW: mentions of trauma ok thanks

Ok so im not really sure how to format this post, I just really wanted to talk about an important head-cannon of mine for Edge and I had so many ideas relating to it but no motivation to do any of them, like I started a short comic but don't want to finish it, so im just going to go on a weird ramble because that's all I know how to do.

Ive had a head-cannon for a while that Edge doesn't respond well to any sort of physical contact, like if somebody were to put a hand on her shoulder in a friendly manner she would interpret it as an attack and would punch them. Given that when she was created by Cursa she never had any kind of support group or friends she could really trust, its likely she's never been hugged before either, and even if she has been hugged during her spark-hunting days those people are long dead to her.

Edge has difficulties showing any kind of emotion given the circumstances of her creation, she was made to hunt sparks and nothing else. She was discouraged from feeling strong emotions as it could be a distraction from her task, and likely isn't used to showing her feelings. Not only that but the only people she had ever trusted turned their backs on her because she cared about the sparks, and was likely mocked and ridiculed for that sentiment.

In my personal head-cannon that's why Edge is so reserved and isolated from the rest of the Mario + Rabbids crew, because shes scared of putting herself in a situation where she appears emotionally vulnerable because of the incident with the spark hunters. In every cut-scene when everyone is on the WM-ARC she's always as far away from everyone else as possible, because she doesn't like getting close to people due to her own insecurities. She appears angry or indifferent all the time because she either doesn't know how to process or actively refuses to acknowledge her own thoughts and feelings, and is resorting to acting headstrong and annoyed

Something I wanted to write about in the Mario Rabbids fic I was planning is the possibility of Edge coming to terms with her emotional ineptitude and fears of getting close to people both emotionally and physically. I feel like in an instance where if she were in a relationship (platonic or romantic) with someone it would take her a while to get used to affection, she would get irrationally uncomfortable and stressed with physical contact and would likely try to ask for boundaries until she feels more comfortable putting herself in a vulnerable position. There's a scene ive planned in the fic where Edge finally feels comfortable and asks to cuddle, leading to her finally breaking down because she's never been used to real and genuine affection from another being.

guhhhhhhh there are allot of thoughts I have about her and if I think of any more head-cannons I will certainly talk about them without revealing too much of the plot for my fic.

I included the drawing because I felt this post would feel empty without it, especially since I tend to word vomit when talking about things I like. sorry if some of my thoughts are not coherent im not good at wording things.

[carawenfiction]

Will we have an update soon?

Tumblr won't let me make normal posts for some reason, so the update will have to be in form of an answer to this ask smh. Anyway:

Hey everyone!

This post is long overdue, I know. I’m really sorry to those who have been worried about my wellbeing, as well as those who have been waiting around for an update for so long.

I’ve put off writing here because this “update” is something I’ve been wrestling with for a long time. But I can’t keep going back and forth on it forever, which is why I’m now letting you all know that the Shadow Society is officially discontinued.

I know that this might not come as much of a surprise to anyone at this point. I’ve tried to salvage the story by remaking it into something I’m happy with through a rewrite. But I’ve rewritten the rewrite itself more than once, and no matter what I do, I’m just not happy with the result. Rewriting something that’s already published with all the coding it involves is a lot more tricky than I initially thought it would be.

This is not a case of me being needlessly harsh on myself, however; it’s simply a truth I’ve come to realize after struggling to find a way to keep going with the story. I’ll never be fully content with it, or even content enough, unless I’d be able to completely remake and rewrite everything from scratch – and consequentially, I will never find enough motivation to continue because of how unhappy I am with it.

I’ve seen some speculation about my reason for rewriting the story and my long absence, and that they’ve had to do with comparisons to other IFs (well, you know which one). This isn’t entirely the case. While the comparisons did happen and probably still do, and while they were discouraging in the beginning, I can definitely understand where people have been coming from when making them. I talked about this more in-depth in the forums right after the release of TSS.

The main reason for why I can’t continue is that it’s not a series I feel passionate enough about to work on. My tastes have changed, and so has my writing to some degree. I’ve tried to convince myself that I am passionate about it. It’s hard to admit that you’re not when it’s been in your head for so long, when you’ve tried for so long to make this work and when you know that one part is published and that some people are anticipating a continuation. But it had to be done sooner or later.

Other reasons:

-While I don’t think that my writing style has changed drastically, I feel like it is somewhat different from how I wrote back in 2018 (which is a GOOD thing). Whenever I tried working on the rewrite or second book and attempted to emulate the writing of TSS, it just didn’t sound right anymore, and that took a lot of fun out of it.

-With everything that has happened with CoG over the past few years, they are no longer a company I want to write for.

Please know that none of this has discouraged me from writing in general. I still love doing it. If anything, this has taught me a lot about what I actually want to write and the writing process in general. Whether I end up publishing anything else in the future or will simply do so for my own enjoyment we’ll just have to see, though.

I still have the idea of a shadow-like world in my head, and maybe it’s one I will revisit at some point. Maybe there will be another version of TSS someday, albeit very different from the original one.

But for now, I can only thank you all for the overwhelming love and support over the years, and apologize for any disappointment this has caused. If people are interested, I’d be happy to share parts of the rewrite and unused ideas. The Tumblr page will still stay up at least for some time, but I will probably not be answering any asks from here on out.

EDIT: Forgot to add, but if anyone wants a genuinely amazing IF read you should check out my friend's wip here: https://uroboros-if.tumblr.com/ ❤️ Play the demo here: https://mistyriousness.itch.io/uroboros

[thatneoncrisis]

I was just catching up on your most recent fic after a busy week and saw your AN and came here looking for more clarification.

I guess I don’t understand why you felt the need to take it upon yourself to write something that you knew would get the attention of the people you were satirizing. Your whole stance on fan fiction (based on your own personal statements in both your asks and your ANs) seems to be that if people aren’t doing it the way you personally like, they shouldn’t be doing it at all. You keep saying you want people to just talk to you about it but why should they when you haven’t extended that gesture to them?

Also it’s very odd of you to be speaking for an entire group of people you yourself do not identify with. To what end exactly? So you can pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you fandom correctly while everyone else doesn’t? Did someone come to you and ask you to advocate for them? It just doesn’t make sense why you felt like this was your responsibility to correct or something.

It kind of reeks of moral (and fandom) superiority, like you’re just doing the most to educate people (which is. Not a thing we need in fandom spaces) and keep them on your straight and narrow instead of letting fandom works be what they are which is, for most people, a fun, exploratory way to engage with the source material. Your GOTCHA attitude towards readers who were enjoying your “bland” fic was very shocking. It does come across like you just want to embarrass people who enjoy those types of stories and tropes and make yourself feel enlightened and better than them because you thought outside the box.

I don’t know. The idea of using these tropes as a tool to spring “THIS WASN’T REAL” on readers is fun but I think it would have been much better if you hadn’t actually been making fun of other people. That kind of spoils the whole experience of your fic. I’ve been a fan of your writing and art for a long time and I do genuinely understand the desire to have people write more of what you want to see/write things that feel more in-character, but the approach here is confusing and off putting and it’s pretty disappointing to see you openly hurt people just because you like dicking around and can’t just scroll past stories/ideas/headcanons you don’t agree with.

Anyway I doubt any of this will change your mind about what you did and I doubt you’ll even care about what I have to say about it. It’s hurtful and upon deeper inspection and reading and rereading the fic and your AN and asks, I’m pretty sure I’m one of the intended targets. This is kind of word vomit at this point as I try to get my thoughts out but you asked for the people you were criticizing to reach out so here I am. Discouraging and disappointing but I hope you found what you were looking for I guess.

see thats like. completely antithetical to the point ive been reiterating for like a week. i CANNOT stop anyone from writing and i dont want to this is not the take away and it never has been. if they want to write fifteen fics like that to spite me then good on them i really just

cannot keep saying enough that i dont want anyone to STOP writing. this was just me kind of screaming in the dark because i see the exact same patterns repeated over and over. you should never ever stop creating because some fucking nobody is frustrated with the content produced en mass for free as a hobby. there is no actionable Thing that can take place here i cant stop anyone from writing any of this i just kind of wanted some people to Think about what they were reading. ive gotten messages from people saying they didnt like the initial tone of the story before chapter 4 but kept reading it because they were desperate for content. thats nuts to me! but i also understand that those people just have very little to choose from. if anything i want MORE people to write

like i keep saying again and again i do not want and cannot stop anyone from writing whatever they want. im not your mom! and to a certain degree, this did come out of nowhere there was no big thing that set it off, it was just me being obscenely frustrated.

and what i am REALLY frustrated about is how presumptuous youre being! i do feel bad that i hurt people and i decided basically a day after i posted the chapter i would never do something like this ever again. theres just too much room for misinterpretation. you are actively reading me as malicious like we can just talk in dms. "im so disappointed in you" YOU DO NOT KNOW ME. THAT is the shit that is getting to me youre acting like i am incapable of acknowledging how i know this fic could have been interpreted. its up now i made my bed im not going to plug my ears and pretend a public vent wouldn't catch people unawares. i am no stupid and do not treat me as such

i am actively choosing not to post most of the asks i get in FAVOR of this because they are dumping on the kinds of fics i dont even necessarily like and i think that's just adding on. again this is why i spoke about braid tropes used, shit that could basically be applicable to any fandom, and not a particularly fic. i didnt want to go into someones comments or dms and say hey! your fic is personally, to me, bad and hard to read, might you explain yourself? like theres nothing TO explain its aet it just exists how it is. there was no nice way of doing this kind of thing, but itd be so sweet if people didnt call me a friendless clout chaser and do some "you'll never work in this town again" shit.

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Logically I always feel like we're supposed to hate Rudy more but goddamn, Mary has always made my skin crawl. I mean there were a LOT of reasons why I could never get into the YJ cartoon but I specifically remember seeing the way it portrays Wally's parents and something about it just felt icky and wrong

Rudy on some level is just so cartoony of a villain.

Like, the fanon version of Rudy is this bumbling angry alcoholic who hits his son because he needs someone smaller than him to take out his aggression on and that version of Rudy is very real. I think that's why fanon tends to view him that way. Because it's a more realistic characterization and it's easier for them to understand and portray.

But the truth of the matter is that Rudy is cold, calm and calculating. He's smart. And he doesn't care. Not about Wally and definitely not about Mary. Rudy doesn't see them as a family, he sees them as a long con. A get rich scheme in the making. Wally is supposed to be powerful so Rudy tries to 'shape' him. The abuse isn't out of anger, it's Rudy's misguided attempts to make him stronger.

Rudy also tries to bond with Wally. He knows he needs a good relationship with Wally to keep Wally in line when he gets older. That's why you see things like Rudy poisoning the little league coach to let Wally play and letting the air out of the other team's tires so Wally's team wins.

He was really fucking bad at it but he was attempting to make Wally an ultimate weapon that only listened to him. What he did instead was push his son away and teach him what not to do.

But that kind of calculated, off-the-wall mentality is so foreign. It's bad and we can recognize it but it's like something out of Criminal Minds. It's hard to see any part of that in our daily lives.

But Mary? Mary is something else. Mary is little comments about Wally's outfits. Mary is guilt tripping her son into spending time with her. Mary is being confidently incorrect about her son's wants and needs. Mary is discouraging comments when you just need a hug. Mary is so real it hurts.

So yeah, I can absolutely agree with you. Rudy is on another fucking level and he objectively does worse things (like murder and child labor camps and cult stuff). But Mary is so real in her abuse. She genuinely horrifies me.

Also, yeah I can agree about the YJ thing. Rudy and Mary being terrible has been a central part of Wally's story since the beginning. (and before people say "but Walls, the Wests were so kind in their first appearance!" they were literally only in a few panels and Rudy didn't even have a name yet. Also it was a Titans comic and not the Flash comic, ofc the characterization would be off) It's definitely a disservice to the character to write the West's as good/normal parents in any capacity. Especially because the excuse was that all the other members of the team had bad home lives/childhoods so they wanted Wally to be 'normal'. Bruh. Hate to break it to you but the kids in suburbia with the white picket fences can also suffer abuse behind closed doors. It's unfortunately a very common and 'normal' thing.

[sourholland]

teardrops on my guitar || jack hughes

making the bold choice of writing a fic for every song on debut by taylor swift, i’ll do it sporadically and for different people as well!! once i finish debut, we will see if i’m feeling fearless tv ☺️ ambitious, believe me I KNOW. anyways send requests

this is dedicated to @folklorelvr333 —tomg is her fave song on debut and jack is her fave guy (appreciate this bc i had to learn jack hughes LORE for this)

debut masterlist

Jack had moved to Michigan during his last years of high school to further his career in hockey and to try to secure his spot as a draft pick. When he started playing for the U.S. NTDP, he attended Plymouth-Canton Educational Park when he wasn’t on the rink. There, he met you.

Jack hadn’t ever claimed to be good with girls, not really. He liked you, though. He liked you a lot. He remembered being paired up with you in lab during his first week. He thought he’d made his interest incredibly obvious. That was, if his pink cheeks and clammy hands weren’t a telltale sign of his trying to flirt with you. Mistakenly, he’d realized he’d done just about the exact opposite. He’d made himself out to be a best friend to you, a shoulder to lean on.

It wasn’t like the NTPD staff had really given him the choice of having a girlfriend, they’d actually discouraged it more than anything. He was on an extremely strict schedule, right down to the time he should be in bed every night.

“So you’ve pretty much got it all laid out for you then?” You’d asked him at lunch one day, sitting across from each other and picking at your food.

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” He laughed, confused.

“I just mean—I don’t know, you’re seventeen years old, Jack. You’re always here or at the rink. I get it and everything, like you’re going to go pro and stuff. I just wonder sometimes if you ever do anything for you, you know?”

Jack’s lips formed a thin line, inhaling deeply as he thought about your words. It wasn’t like he didn’t understand where you were coming from, it was just all he’d ever really known. His parents had him on the ice before he was two years old. He’s eat, slept, and breathed hockey his entire life.

“I do all this for me,” he finally said. “I want this.”

“Come on,” you huffed, teasingly. “You’re telling me you never think about going out and partying? Or like, I don’t know, having a girlfriend?”

His face flushed almost instantaneously, trying to avert his gaze to anything but you. Of course he though about having a girlfriend. He thought about it every time you’d call him after practice to talk about homework. He thought about it each morning when he pulled up in front of your house and you climbed into his passenger seat, laying your hands on his forearm to tell him whatever girl drama you’d found out the night before.

“No, I guess I don’t really think about it much.”

“Bullshit,” you chided. “If that’s true, do you think you have erectile dysfunction or something? Like a hormonal imbalance?”

“What the fuck?” He laughed, nearly spitting out his Gatorade. “No, I definitely don’t have—”

“You’re blushing!” You cut him off, smiling ear-to-ear.

Jack cherished your time together in school; he rarely had a free moment outside of classes that he wasn’t playing hockey. He always felt horrible declining your offers to hang out, but he genuinely couldn’t find a free moment.

A part of him feels this is to blame for your relationship never progressing further. He thought you’d maybe felt something more than platonic feelings for him at one point, but who wants some guy who is too cool for any school functions and can’t see you on weekends because of practice or tournaments. Although, he’d never been honest with you about his feelings either.

It was only a matter of time before you moved forward with your life, leaving him to wonder what could’ve been.

Jack wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t sting every time you’d bring a new guy up, what might’ve taken the cake was when you’d brought one to a hockey game of his. It was like one of those movie moments, Jack thought at practice the next day. He’d seen you in the stands, face lighting up, only to notice the guy beside you with his arm around you.

He wanted to hate the kid, too. Only then did he realize how jealous he truly was. He was heartbroken over a girl he’d never even dated. How was that even possible, Jack would wonder as he stared up at the ceiling in bed.

He could’ve told you, could’ve been honest about how he felt about you. Who knows what would’ve happened, but at least you’d have known. It was too late, he saw how happy you were and had to match your expression with fake smiles and words of encouragement laced with frustration and envy.

Jack tried not to hate himself for how he’d let the situation play out, but he truly couldn’t.

You’d fall in love, and he’d watch. And there was nothing he could do about it.

[mazzystar24]

One thing that I dont understand is why everyone quickly forgetting about Oliver's comments that he wants bucktommy to follow Tarlos history

Or Tim saying that he wants to write a romcom with this relationship

Also, Kenneth saying that Buck finally found love or JLH wants scenes with Tommy in the season 8

Like, I think there is a strong chance of Lou to be in season 8

Hi anon!

I’m assuming you’re asking why people aren’t more convinced of bucktommy endgame and are still shipping buddie, I’m taking this at face value with no malice behind it but I will say if your intention was to kinda discourage buddie shippers or whatever by asking this then that’s a bit impolite because I’ve been very vocal on my blog about not icking other people’s yums or put a damper on anyone’s enjoyment of a ship or fandom

Now assuming you meant this genuinely and giving you the benefit of the doubt-

About the tarlos thing I genuinely don’t think I saw that (if you can send it I’d actually wanna read it) but there was sm press around the bi buck canon ep that I think maybe it just slipped my memory if it was around that time, even saying that if he did say something about that that could still mean a lot of things, like Ive personally not watched lone star (except a few eps here and there) and only have a vague understanding of tarlos but it could be talking about wanting a dynamic similar or something like that

Like let’s not forget Oliver also spoke multiple times how his ideal for this storyline is for bucktommy to break up and remain friends and for tommy to still be this guide to buck as he goes through his self discovery

And Tim saying he wants the relationship to be a romcom can just mean what he also said about wanting buck off the hamster wheel and sort of wanting his queer arc to be lighthearted and fun, like the relationship being a romcom doesn’t necessarily mean endgame to me for me it just communicates tone, like he doesn’t want them to struggle or kinda be put through too much angst and he wants it all to be light and carefree and a good experience for buck, which even as a buddie shipper I genuinely agree with so much because every relationship with buck has ended very badly and he’s just constantly getting hurt and I feel like he needs to have a good relationship and he needs that end to be amicable and have that be a good and healthy dynamic

Again Tim also said multiple things about them being a brief relationship, called them a fling and to not expect wedding bells, etc

Kenneth is not a writer or part of the ship so his opinion is interesting to see but doesn’t really hold much bearing on whether I think buck and Tommy are endgame

I do agree that it seems like Lou/tommy will be in s8 and I actually wanna see how it unfolds and also I feel like with so many bigger storylines it makes sense to keep the relationship going until s8 when you can actually get to see their relationship and also if/when they break up give it the time it needs to have actually made this a relationship rather than like a two episode/ date arc, you know what I mean? (idk if I’m being clear with what I mean)

Thanks for the ask anon!

[azrielgreen]

I could really use some advice if you're feeling up to it. I have been writing for a little over a year now. I hadn't written for fun since middle school probably. I genuinely have a lot of fun planning and writing and get excited about new ideas but lately more and more I've been have more moments of feeling like I'm horrible at it. I want to just do it because I enjoy it and it's a way to cope sometimes but the thoughts are still there. I can't help but look at the stats for the things I've put out there and number of hits versus kudos doesn't really help, like 95% of those don't leave kudos. I don't want to care about the stats, I want to just do it for fun but I'm feeling a bit discouraged. I almost deleted 30k/3 months of work because I just felt like everything I've done sucks. Thankfully a friend talked me down. I know I'm always going to be harder on myself than anyone else but it's still hard. Any advice so I can keep doing something I enjoy without letting it have that negative effect on me at the same time?

Thank you in advance 💜

Hello, lovely. Firstly, I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. Writing can be really lonely and self doubt creeps in through the cracks, so it feels natural to compare and check stats, but my god is that NOT an accurate reflection of anything resembling success/talent. Sometimes I really wish AO3 wouldn't publicly show things like hits/kudos/comments or at least give people the option to hide them if they wanted. Those numbers are tremendously distorted and will never accurately reflect what self doubt drives us to seek out.

At heart, you have the right outlook 100%. Writing for yourself is always the true path and if you follow your joy, you'll never go wrong but I think something I've noticed over the last year in fandom is how people have become quite bitter over stats and numbers, obsessive even, declaring something a "flop" if it didn't get certain numbers/likes/kudos etc... and that is just a recipe for fucking disaster. It's really hard to write something and work on it while wondering if anyone will even read it, so I do totally understand that doubt, BUT.

One thing I will say that I hope is heard by those who need it: FUCK THE STATS. They are no true indication of anything, are insanely warped over time and I do think that at this point the Steddie is oversaturated. It will always have a strong readership because it's a massively mainstream pairing in a hit show and there will be an upswing when SE5 drops (not that I'll be watching, fuck you Noah) but I think that people have to understand there is no level basis of comparison for numbers and that everything you see now is skewed by time or people using socials to market and plug their fics, driving traffic.

The attention is diminishing. All energy is cyclical, it ebbs and flows. It's been two years, people aren't reading like they were in 2022.

So, my advice to you. Don't write for other people. Don't write for popularity, numbers, relevance or praise because there is no consistent way to reliably ensure the attainment of such things in a fandom. Write for YOU and only you. You will always be your own biggest fan, so make THEM happy first and foremost and then if anyone else enjoys it, bonus. Your art is coming out through your passion, your stories are born through curiosity and creativity and they will be NEEDED by someone. Maybe not the day you post, maybe not a year after but one day, someone will find it and love it so much and it will save them.

Not to be all "back in the good old days" but I think often about a very formative and impactful fic I read which was already complete by the time I found it, it had been for years and I never got to follow & comment weekly encouragement at the time. The fic was extremely niche and controversial. It changed me as a person and I'm grateful every day the writer pushed on and completed it because I needed it so much and it was waiting for me. I think sometimes the social aspects of fandom are a real distraction from the core pull of what we are driven by as writers; creation. I think fandom was never meant to be this visible or socially accessible and comparison wrecks many people's confidence.

Those numbers are fucked, cooked or legacy. Ignore them.

In ten years, when someone is having the worst night of their life and they get on AO3, and they find your stuff that you posted, shared and created, it will be their shining light. Keep going, be brave, explore. Make a bubble for yourself with ONLY obsessively positive interiors where you create and trust that THIS THING is the greatest thing you've ever made and then move onto the next.

Writing is incredibly difficult for numerous reasons and I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who devote their time, energy and effort to it the way fic writers do. Self doubt is common, no matter how much people project success.

You're doing great. Fuck the numbers. Focus on yourself.

💜💜💜

[juminies]

Aside from the BE2 mischaracterisation, do you have any other fanon Jumin pet peeves?

Sure do lol, I want to preface though by saying that I don't think any particular characteristic is wrong or out of place all of the time. He can act any which way if it's for a reason and he can do things he otherwise wouldn't if a specific situation calls for him to. Sure he wouldn't fucking say that usually but he might if he was stuck and you can definitely explore that! Even his route itself is an example of him being pushed to his limit and acting in a way he usually wouldn't, and both he and his friends point that out frequently. This to say that me saying I don't like it when people interpret him as xyz doesn't mean him being written that way is inherently bad, so don't let me discourage you from writing. Anyway!

I think I've mentioned most of this at some point or another, and honestly I feel like a lot of his most common mischaracterisations do stem from the same place BE2 comes from. Any part of him being incredibly domineering or overly possessive, making big decisions without consulting MC, trying to limit who she talks to, being suspicious of her, etc. On the contrary he is very much at her beck and call. Her happiness is his. He's not going to be immediately perfect but being protective does not inherently mean being controlling and I think it's a fine line that people can trip over very easily.

Kind of continuing from that, I dislike it when people think he's too demanding on a professional level. It's often to the point of people calling him abusive, and while I can't deny that he's strict and impersonal and often a bit oblivious to larger structures at play, on the whole he's respectful of the people that work for him and genuinely values their contributions to the workplace. He wants everything done to the highest possible standard and I understand it can at times have negative repercussions, but he's not just an unreasonable dick who gets off on the power imbalance.

I'm also really not a fan of people believing him to be overly traditional i.e. the very socially conservative, strict gender roles, no sex before marriage, children must attend church type. It just doesn't make sense. It's taking smaller aspects of his character or things he says out of context and blowing them out of proportion—into something they're simply... not? Even the things he does say directly (eg. not living together before marriage) could be swayed easily under the influence of his fiancée.

Sure he likes things done efficiently in a way he knows works, but he is both very knowledgable and repeatedly shown to be very open to learning. He's curious and asks questions and will try and understand things to the best of his ability, even when they're entirely unimportant. If he's made aware of his ignorance he will not continue to push it (unless you're Zen, maybe). Jumin is not stubborn if he has no reason to be! He is very much pliable. You can tell him off and he'll listen. He wants to hear your side of things. He likes it when people disagree with him; a fan of some healthy debate, if you will. And he is not!! selfish!! So much of what he does is for others. He very rarely puts himself first. He's trusting and beyond loyal and goes out of his way to make sure his influence/knowledge/money are used for good the minute he deems it necessary to help those around him.

It annoys me when people act as if he's clueless and sort of just sits back and lets his status do the work for him. There seems to be this narrative of him being foolish and relying on others to get him by but that is absolutely the opposite of what he's really like. His intelligence and resourcefulness are not just a façade created by his disposition or the way he was brought up. He tells MC himself that his father wouldn't have put so much trust in him if he wasn't capable of handling it. He really wants her to believe in him because he's used to people wrongly assuming. It's not like he's just the heir and has little to no role, or even that he only oversees a department or two. He has a VERY high position in the company and easily excels at it. Jaehee herself (who people tend to see as the overworked one) admits that Jumin works significantly more than she does. He's the director of a global conglomerate in his twenties and takes it in his stride.

Last but not least he is far from unemotional. He's just good at detaching himself from his feelings and viewing them objectively. It does not!!! mean he does not feel or he does not care 💜

[isa-ghost]

✨️ A (Witchy) AMFMN Update ✨️

Also I finally admit I'm famous at the end, war is over and yall won, come read my confession /hj

Spoke to Apollo about AMFMN struggles just now. I say struggles but that sounds scarier than it is, really I just mean grappling with motivation and the energy to write for long periods of time.

It boiled down to the fact that I won the battle against my grief with QSMP ending and no more ongoing Death Family content, but it cost me my motivation to write. That's not to say that the fic is dying or anything, basically I just need to find a new source of motivation, even if that motivation is myself.

But as long as I stay in-tune with myself and keep at writing because I WANT to rather than relying on something fueling me to keep going, I'll be good. Which is what I Have been doing, it's just not been easy. But that's to be expected.

He ended things off saying don't feel discouraged just because the process has gotten a little harder and slower. If I'm ever struggling with motivation or something else to do with the writing process, I can always come to him for guidance and encouragement.

Tbh I really needed to hear the last part even though I already kinda knew it. I'm not entirely sure how me being cheered on by him and him being SO INVESTED in Phil and AMFMN has looked from an outside pov, but Apollo genuinely has been such a devoted fanboy and a great mentor through baby's first huge creative endeavor in a fandom. I've always stuck to OC and original stuff, so fanfic has been a really interesting and different experience.

Also for shits n giggles I asked him if I'm actually "famous" like everyone's been insisting because I love enabling him to be silly with messages. A while back he actually told me AMFMN was gonna pop off and get popular and stuff like that but I never really felt like it had? And some of my other circle members had echoed this to me too, but I still never felt that moment of like "okay yeah, it's popular."

Surprisingly, the first of two tarot cards he just gave me about "being famous" is actually a legit answer. He was saying don't be afraid to indulge the ego sometimes, it's okay to do that if you're not being a dick about it. I did something cool and I deserve to enjoy the pride I have in the success of the fic. And my refusal/denial to do so is kind of rooted in my broader issue with self confidence and whatnot. So lowkey he's bonking me on the head for Indeed Being Just Like Phil, Who Can't Actually Take A Fucking Compliment Or Praise.

The second card he pulled about it was sillier, since that WAS the intention of me jokingly asking him if he did think I was "a famous author." And of all fucking cards to pull he pulled DEATH. Which is SO FUNNY because *gestures to Phil's ties with death* but ALSO THAT CARD IS GENERALLY SO ALARMING TO PULL?? The gist of what he was saying with it is that if I stop letting self image related bs cloud how I look at "my popularity" so to speak, it'd actually hugely boost my confidence and lead to even more success with the fic. And while he can't confirm it'd get me "noticed" by Phil (as some people have for Some Reason said it should, it's not my goal), however that would go down, that IS a possibility. He just kinda said "take the fucking compliments, idiot. If you stay humble without downplaying things, you COULD pop off to the degree some people are already saying you should.

Which tbh,, I DID have a Phil pegs member recently put in perspective that most fics don't pass 1k hits on AO3. I don't know how true that is bc I Didn't Go Here (fic writing) until I got the idea for the AMFMN, but the fact that it has over 8k hits is apparently a huge deal?? And I guess my newness and inexperience with the fanfic scene just has kept me unaware of that?? So statistically speaking, AMFMN *is* famous? Which I just still cannot fathom LOL.

Idk, it's weird to think about. I legit do feel like just some guy who's simply passionately vocal about This Cool Thing I'm Doing. But I will admit, even if I don't Feel "famous" and can't take praise to save my life, it's been genuinely really sweet to have people drowning me in compliments and stuff??

And if I'm being honest, it really does motivate me to keep going, because it's nice to know that people really really like the thing I'm doing. People theorizing and being invested in the story has been the #1 thing making AMFMN so fun. I LOVE watching people try to work out what's gonna happen, when I'm foreshadowing, and yelling at me when I nuke them with angst.

I guess that's a long-winded and self-reflective way of saying thank you to everyone who's been so ride or die about AMFMN so far. Like seriously. It's hard to actually Process all the love but it means the world to still receive it??

But yeah, uh. God says I'm famous guys. Guess I have to admit it now. /silly

Anyway, AMFMN may be slower to update (for now) but I do absolutely mean it when I say it's not gonna die. I am legit too excited about shit I have planned to let it happen.

I wanted to finish Chapter 7 by yesterday but Shit Happened and so I'm gonna try to aim for this weekend instead. If I remember correctly I don't have any plans Saturday so,,, PauseChamp

Also as a quick note, I was gonna say this in the tags but it should actually probably be seen by people: #AMFMN things is the tag I use to save my own posts related to the fic on my blog, BUT if anyone wants to, or is already making theories, art, shitposts, memes, or just generally posting about the fic, I DO check that tag sometimes to see if there's anything not from me. So uh. If you haven't used it already, definitely feel free to use that tag for your own stuff related to the fic too, I will be looking. I 1000% want to see anything and everything people might be saying or posting. It's by far the most rewarding part of writing the fic. :)

[pinkomcranger]

I saw your post about Saga and I 100% agree. I love her character so much and was so happy they avoided stereotypes AND gave her agency. She wasn't there just to save Alan (the horrid magical black person troupe was avoided) she was there for people who meant something to her and they just so happen to work together by the end. Remedy truly wrote a fascinating character and got a great actress to portray her. I'm glad the hate died out from the reactionaries but the apathy from the fandom is just as bad sometimes. I love her personality and I honestly love AnderCase as a ship and incorporating Saga into ships (AndercasexWake is a thing for me lol). I also like them as friends, their dynamic is so damn good I want to see them in future games. However, I gave up writing Andercase because people just ignore it most of the time. The fandom in general kind of feels isolating if you don't like the standard ships/characters. It's discouraging and sad and makes it hard to want to post. I tried again and of course the fic did poorly so I don't bother, reminds me how little people want anything to do with Saga. Even general fics would be awesome if people are squicked by het or don't like Saga and Casey as a ship. The fan space for her and ships/dynamics with her is so small...Drawing her is scary too given someone was attacked over it, so that worries me too and I kind of backed away. There's barely anything of Saga in any fanworks and when women are involved they gravitate to Rose and in some cases Estevez (the Yakuza mod just broke my heart they did not think to add Saga before Rose who has less time and at a point people shipped Casey with Estevex BEFORE Saga like WHAT). I know that struggle you're feeling. Saga and anything with her is a footnote and I know it's not malicious but it sucks. Fandom favoritism does not help, even in the smallness of Saga fandom content only a handful are seen and the rest ignored. I've been there and seen it, it pushes newcomers away. I hope this gets better in the future but not holding my breath. Love Remedyverse/Remedy but the fandom space depresses me which sucks because everyone seems nice to me, just...sorry for the rambling. Just saw a post that resonated with my frustrations.

Do you know the thing that gets me the most about Saga? She was created by a white man. And he, along with the other writers, made SURE to avoid the stereotypes we usually get in black women protags, especially in video games. She has a power, yes, but she's not using it solely to save one person. She doesn't even know she HAS a power until halfway through the game!

She wants to save her daughter first and foremost and then Casey, she tells Alan this point-blank, save my daughter and Casey, non-negotiable, she's NOT helping him otherwise. And you can see that as selfish, but it's not, if it had JUST been herself thrown into the story? She would've been FINE with it, you see her getting more and more excited about the case. She's intrigued EVERY step of the way. It only becomes personal when Alan has the audacity to use Logan and Casey, that's her line in the sand.

Melanie puts so much into making Saga come alive, because as amazing as the writing is, she could've still fallen into the sassy black woman trope, and Melanie doesn't let that happen. I think the ONLY criticism you can give her is that her accent slips, but I really never noticed it. I agree that I'm glad the hate from the dumbass gamer bros, but like you said, the apathy can be just as bad, it's a choice to not say the quiet part outloud.

I genuinely wish they'd just say, she's a black woman, therefore, I'm not interested in her. I only care about the white men. At least be HONEST about it, instead of raving about how fun it was to play as Saga and she's so badass but not backing it up with actions.

I love Andercase with every fiber of my being. I loved them from their first scene, despite knowing she was married to somebody else. Casey is Saga's support, you see her loving to crack her puns to Casey, she even thinks of one and saves it to memory solely to tell it to Casey. Not Logan, not David, but Casey.

They mirror each other, again from their first scene, drinking coffee at the same time. A trait they keep, even as the horror story creeps closer. Casey wouldn't be even a little bit interesting to me if he wasn't paired with Saga. He's the moon and she's the sun.

I'm so sorry you were discouraged to write and post about Andercase, even just as besties. Because their dynamic IS gold, and it echoes even when they're separated. The second Kiran shows up and kicks Saga off the case, she gets over it, fine, she'll deal, but help her find her partner, damnit! I've enjoyed fics where they are just besties, the ones that ACTUALLY focus on them and, you know, doesn't make Saga the driving force for CaseyWake and nothing else.

I think that's one of the reasons it's hard for me to ship Saga and FBI Casey with anyone else, because they're each other's closest interactions for so much of the game. It's hard for me to ship Alan with them because I see him and Saga as the true platonic soulmates of the AW2 cast and Casey HATES Alan. All the way up the ending of the final draft. You can see it in his expression and body language, if he hadn't just been through the wringer and so happy to see Saga, he definitely would've punched Alan for all he shit he's put them through.

Writing a pairing you love, feeling so proud and happy about the work you've done, just to see it brushed aside is one of the most painful feelings as a creator. Fandom is supposed to be for EVERYONE, it's not supposed to be high school cliques that can't interact with each other. I don't ship Alan with Saga's Casey (it's just the only way I see him, heh), but I've seen some AMAZING fan art for them that's made me smile. But you rarely see Saga involved, which makes no sense in regards to her Casey. If it was fictional Casey, that would make sense, he doesn't exist outside of Alan's head, while Saga's Casey is a living, breathing person who spends most of his time with Saga or talking about her.

Yet she's relegated to the bro when her Casey and Alan only have her in common. I can't buy Casey being soft and domestic with Alan to save my life. I see it with Saga, I can see Saga being soft with Alan because she does show that side to him. That's who she is, if you've earned her trust and respect. You can tell Saga is always the "good cop" while Casey is the "bad cop." The only time you see him sympathetic towards Alan is when he first washes up to shore. He's mocking him but holding his tongue because Saga's not going to take that nonsense from him.

You only see Casey show the full force of his anger towards Alan when Saga isn't there to stop him. To say "Yes, THAT'S the actual love story here" is a...choice, one that actively ignores the on-screen narrative. Again, fictional Casey and Alan are a completely different topic and not something I care enough to write about.

NOBODY should be attacked for liking a pairing because what does that do? What does it accomplish except make yourself feel better and superior? Again, it's been a choice to ignore the two main women in the series, which are Alice and Saga. But I've seen quite a few fics where Alice gets to be paired with CaseyWake, while you'll be hard-pressed to find a fic where Saga gets to interact with them. That tells me something that makes me uncomfortable. And that's covert racism.

You can't even make the excuse that there's nothing left to learn about Saga, because that's simply untrue. We know the bare minimum about her family on the Anderson side, and absolutely nothing concerning her father (who is Warlin Door and I will die on that hill). We don't know much about her created family, certainly nothing about David, outside of the fact he likes Bright Springs, and boardgames and doesn't take his daughter to get checked out after she hits her head in the shower. The fact her entire identity ISN'T just Logan's mother and David's wife means so much to me.

You can't tell me it's because she's married either, because how can you say that in one breath and then ship Alan with anyone but Alice in the same breath? It genuinely leads me to think it's simply that she's a BLACK woman. And as you said, seeing people create ships for Rose and to pair Estevez with CASEY, when she's an out-and-out lesbian that Casey only meets near the end of the game speaks volumes.

I genuinely think if you swapped her race, she would be less ignored, and that's extremely fucked up. Saga was created with so much love, care, and respect. A black woman protag that we could get behind and feel represented by. A smart, strong, caring badass, who still retains her femininity, but who has an identity outside of "mother" even though saving her daughter is her driving force, it's not her only one. She cares about her newly found grandfather and great-uncle. She cares about Rose, despite the woman irritating her in the beginning. She worries for the residents of the nursing home. She has mixed feelings towards the CULT. And of course, her secondary concern is Casey. And once she sees how hard Alan is trying, she comes to care for him as well. Why else tell him he's a hero when she has every right to hate him more than anyone else in the game?

She cares about these people she's met, and she knows they deserve to be saved. And Alan is the first to admit he can't do ANY of it without Saga. If the main character of the series acknowledged Saga, why can't the fandom?

I truly hope that you can find the courage to try again with Andercase, or just Saga in general. Because I'm seeing that there are people that love her, and maybe they're not content creators but consumers, and that's now one of my motivations. To feed their hunger because they're part of the fandom too, and they shouldn't be ignored. I promise you, you'll have a fan in me. And sometimes, just one person knowing they love what you create and how they look forward to it is enough. I'm not interested in a popularity contest. You'll never see me in ship wars. I'm here for FBI Special Agent Saga Anderson. This is her story too, to make her the footnote in fanworks is terribly egregious and goes against the very thing Remedy wanted.

If you ever want to ramble, my inbox is always open. If you ever have ideas you want to see in regards to fanfic for Andercase or Saga, I'm right here. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to read about your feelings for Saga and her partner. It means the world to me.

[tired-old-men]

Hello! I started following this blog recently and couldn't believe it when I found it... I always loved The Brotherhood, but always felt so lonely on that. It's a dream to see all the love you give them on this blog! Thank you so much for this, really! This makes this fellow echidna lover really happy!

(I was also really shy to send an ask, btw haha)

Anyways, I wanted to ask something! How was Janelle-Li like? And how did you guys feel about her loss?

Comments like these really make my life to be honest! A part of me thought when creating this blog that a majority of this blog’s life would be me screaming into the void about these echidnas. After the end of the Archie comics they very much became quite the obscure characters, and granted they were already pretty niche in the comics to begin with. So it really warms my heart when people approach this blog with that “holy shit I remember these dudes!” feeling, because that was quite literally me a year or so ago when I slowly creeped back into this fandom, rediscovering this deep love for these characters. I’m glad that these characters still get a lot of love! I’m happy that my love for these characters can be felt in my art or in my writing and be shared with all of you. Thank you so much for your kind words PsychoAna, they mean the world to me and inspire me to continue on sharing the echidna love! ^^ 

Also never hesitate to drop something off at my inbox, trust I feel you on the shyness, I’m that friend that will be more likely to respond than to initiate an interaction lol but I can talk your ear off if you let me! No mater how serious, goofy, or chaotic your inquiry or interaction may be is totally fine by me! I’m just delighted by the fact you took your time to engage in my silly little blog. I swear I’m not a scary old man I’m just another silly lil guy on the internets lol ♥

⍟─────── ⋆ 。.・゜・✧・✦・✧・゜・。⋆ ────────⍟

Thunderhawk’s eyes soften “What was she like? She was… everything.. everything you could ask for in a Guardian in a child even. Headstrong, smart, resourceful, bright, incredibly athletic, she always found her own success in anything she did even in the most uphill of battles. She NEVER backed down from a challenge no matter how rough it got, she never got discouraged she just.. kept on going. 

She carried such an incredible sense of strength within her, she made a fine Guardian, better than I could ever be to be honest, like it was her destiny to do so.” Thunderhawk gives a soft chuckle reminiscing on a memory, then lets out a deep sigh as his face saddens. “She did a lot of good for a lot of people… And as a father I couldn’t be more proud of her… her absence is more than felt within us…”

Sabre places a reassuring hand on his grandfather’s shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze to remind him he was there for him. “She… she was like a second mother to me… when I moved to Angel Island as a young boy she welcomed me with such an open heart. She um always seems to know what to do or say to brighten someone’s day. I appreciated her words of wisdom, she had a different way of viewing things that really made me think during rough times in my Guardian journey…She truly was the best of us and I… I miss her too…” Thunderhawk reaches to hold Saber’s hand resting on his shoulder, he looks back at him giving him a soft smile behind glossy eyes, appreciative of his words. “Janelle-Li was more than an outstanding Guardian in her own right, she was a valued member of our family. Her unfortunate early departure from this world is one that can be felt in our hearts and throughout Angel Island, by the multitude of people who’s lives were enriched by her, she inspired the best in all of us, and she is dearly missed by all who came to know her. She was a shining beacon of light, she took pride in her role of Guardian, and I could not have any more love and appreciation for my dear granddaughter.” Spectre speaks, even in his monotone expression his words are genuine. He gently pats Sabre and Thunderhawk comfortingly as he stands by them. 

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

I really want to write fan fiction again but, I'm kind of bad at articulating and creating different scenes and I thought about using chatgpt and I know that's frowned upon but I need help writing lol. Need some advice.

Do not use AI. People look down upon it for a reason. People will always have more respect for genuine, clumsy first attempts at writing rather than someone who publishes what a machine spit out for them. AI is not your work, and you will not improve by having a computer do things for you. I am being stern here to strongly discourage you from Shit GPT. If you tell people in the author’s notes that it’s your first fic, or first fic in a long time, you may very well get supportive comments! If anyone finds out it’s AI, at best, you’ll get people clicking out of the fic because they don’t think it’s worth their time to read something a person didn’t even write, and at worst, you might get angry comments calling you a cheater, in a similar way AI “artists” do. Please don’t do it. You’ll only be hurting your writing and the progression of your skills.

So, what should you do? First of all, know where your strengths lie and lean into them, and know where your weaknesses lie. I’ll give an example. Readers of my fic can feel free to confirm or deny my self-assessment, but I actually don’t think scenery and that kind of descriptive writing is my strong point. I think about what the reader needs to know about the physical space in a scene, maybe little things that could add to the atmosphere, such as describing candlelight glowing upon someone’s face, and I move on. I make sure the reader knows what’s happening in the physical space so nothing is vague or confusing, but that’s about it. I instead focus my writing on the internal monologue/prose of the character’s emotional state and dialogue, because I think those are my strongest points. That’s what I can do well and what pulls people in.

How to create a scene to begin with? It depends on the kind of fic you’re writing, but most of my fics have started out with me thinking about the characters so much that different scenarios pop into my head, and eventually, one takes root; or I’ll watch a scene and think it would be interesting to explore if it had gone differently. My current WIP is at 65k words with 6 chapters, and it began with the simple change to one scene in canon: Aziraphale and Crowley not simply knowing each other in Heaven as angels, but having a romantic relationship. A starting point as simple as that can produce a lot. Think about what you actually want to say about these characters, what kinds of scenarios you want to see them in. You can even think of a type of fic you’d love to read, and instead write it yourself. You can start small! Instead of searching for a fluffy morning-after in bed, for example, write it!

Once you have a starting point, ask yourself what is the most realistic, in-character next step for these characters. Good fic relies on good character analysis. That’s how you make your fic in-character. I generally don’t plan out my fics a lot, and instead have a core idea and some future scenes I want to write, and I ask myself how these characters would naturally build up to those future scenes. Would it be natural for the character to say this? What would they do in this situation you put them in?

Lastly: the key to writing well is reading. This goes for all kinds of writing. Read widely, read often. It helps you expand your vocabulary and to see how descriptions, dialogue, and the structure of scenes and stories work in real time. I began writing as a young teen, and while I absolutely think my writing is better now than it was in my first fics published in 2014, I was able to write at all because I was such a voracious reader at the time. It’s also why I was a good writer in school, because reading helps you write multiple types of pieces.

I hope this was helpful. Also, at the end of the day, it is just fan fiction. It’s fine if it’s not perfect. Open up a document and start jotting down ideas or snippets of dialogue to get your brain started

[muriels-brainrot]

How do you cope with the fandom being so deceased

Like I genuinely suffer from needing external validation to create and I literally malfunction every time I post

What do I doooooooo

Oh boy, do I have a lot to say

First of all, I really feel you!! Q w Q And honestly, the way you feel is always on the back of my mind whenever I post. It's tough. There's no quick fix for these emotions

As the eldest child who left art school, when anything creative I do isn't successful, I spiral and immediately think I am not good. But that's not true, and I want to let you know that if you feel similarly, that's only natural and a universal feeling. Writing consumes so much of our time and thoughts. I think of Muriel when I wake and before I sleep, for goodness sake.

So I'm incredibly disheartened when the ideas I'm proud of receive little engagement. I started my blog expecting a large following, and felt discouraged when that didn't happen

I've sought advice on dealing with these feelings. Some people say "write for yourself!" or "that's unrealistic!" or "it will take you years, so just give up on the numbers game!"

They all have some truth in them. But it didn't ease my worries at all. Then, one day, this question came to mind while I was mulling it over:

"Will I feel more peace if I share this or keep it to myself?"

The whole reason why I started this blog is to make a huge ass love letter to our wonderful mountain man. So of course I want nothing to do but share

Do I still feel scared, frustrated, or demoralized? Very much so. But what's helped me most is learning to coexist with these feelings. I continue posting my ideas because keeping them to myself would be denying myself - and to me that's not that different from being dead

The feelings don't go away, and that's natural. But your ideas have value, even if they're not always acknowledged. I keep sharing because I want people to possibly see my work, and that's where I find my peace

You may find your peace differently though, and that's cool too! But I hope, dear Anon, that you keep going because it would be really sad if we have one less amazing person to share their *unique thoughts of our characters from this wonderful fandom

Here's another stupidly cheesy quote that helps me when I'm about to do anything and I feel unsure of myself:

If there were an answer I could give you to how the universe works, it wouldn't be special. It would just be machinery fulfilling its cosmic design. It would just be a big, dumb food processor. But since nothing seems to make sense, when you find something or someone that does, it's euphoria. In all this randomness and this pandemonium, you and Chidi (in this case, *you and your ideas, Anon) found each other, and you had a life together (in this case, you *being here in the fandom). Isn't that remarkable?

-Janet, The Good Place [2019]

Keep going, Anon, sending much love to you! 💚

*edit for cohesiveness

[rawbin-hsr]

honestly, i think you were perfectly fine in terms of the recent aventurine headcanons. i think it’s kind that you did, but i don’t see a need to apologize, especially to such a rude person (really, if you don’t like something just scroll). you didn’t say he was abusive, and even if you did, subtle emotional abuse is… still abuse! and i think he is very capable of that. to pretend as if he couldn’t be is mischaracterization in it of itself.

i think people do get a bit too… sugar-coating about him. people take the scenes of him in his most vulnerable moments, like him being gentle towards kakavasha in the nihility, and apply that to him in every facet because they want to feel as if he’d be kind to them (which, in an x reader context, is understandable). but i agree with you—he’s not really a good person. if you actually listen to a lot of his lines over again, it’s easy to be snapped out of that sort of reverie. he’s not even that likable as a person, and i feel like 90% of us aventurine fans would not desire to befriend him or even be around him if we, in the nature of meeting real people, knew nothing about his past, inner thoughts, or motivations.

anyway! yeah that’s all. i wouldn’t be discouraged. i loved the post, thank you for making it 💗

Thank you so much for saying that I really needed to hear some encouragement 😭😭 I have ADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria, so I kinda took it a lot harder than I should and have been like trembling for a good minute now it’s actually so embarrassing 💀

I do agree with them that he wouldn’t be abusive to a partner he genuinely loves, I do think my wording was a lot harsher than it should have been so I understand why they got mad at me, but I also do stand by the fact that he wouldn’t be great. I did come to that conclusion after rereading all the stuff about him, like his voice lines as you mentioned and parts of the quests that were,, not about Aventurine at his lowest (as in after Sunday uses the harmony on him to where he escapes the nihility). I think my interpretation of him is a lot harsher than most people’s because I genuinely hated him right off the bat, so I didn’t really go in with the intention of liking him, leading to me having a slightly more unfavourable view of him than most people who write for him.

Like you said, yes !! A lot of people only remember the parts where he was tender, and it’s always bothered me !!! Like of course Aventurine has the capability to be tender and sweet and loving. In fact, I think he is just that at his very core. It’s just that his shell is extremely, extremely thick, and it is not a nice shell. (Like you said, he’s a kind of a very unlikeable guy most of the time 😭)

Again thank you so much for writing this I appreciate it so much I was considering taking the post down entirely out of shame 💀💀💀 It’s embarrassing how easily I lose my ground when someone disagrees with me so this was a really nice reminder I shouldn’t let one or two disagreements overpower multiple people saying what I’m doing is good 💕💕