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gyuuberryy · 6 months ago

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love potions (but make it legal)!

pairing: tutor!jungwon x reader

summary: you had not been too excited about these tutoring sessions your potions professor had dropped on you. but, after meeting your tutor you couldn’t hope but think you both were brewing more than just potions, perhaps even love?

genre: hogwarts au, jungwon is a loser for the reader, initially slightly one sided pining, fluff, angst

warnings: some hogwarts lore references, mentions of failing a class, jealousy, angst, magic stuff, kissing, suggestive(ish)

note: they don’t actually make love potions in this but i liked the sound of it so i used it in the title hehe. i hope you guys enjoy this fic as you had given so much love to the heeseung one.

word count: 4.3kish

if you liked it please reblog or comment to give me your feedback! <3

to the anon who requested a jungwon hogwarts au im sososoo sorry for publishing this like six months later. i had a terrible writer’s block with this one. i’m terribly sorry, this constantly ran through my mind but i couldn’t bring myself to begin. i hope you like this!

you were so screwed.

you felt like a deflated balloon looking at your mock NEWT results. you were literally failing your potions class. with all the time spent in balancing out your classes, quidditch and sessions at the room of requirement as a part of dumbledore’s army, you had not practised well enough for your classes that were practical based.

seeing your grades drop from exemplary results to having mediocre grades and failing a class was depressing. so, your potions teacher had made you stay back to have a word with you which is why you stood off to the side. your head hung low in disappointment with yourself. if this continued, it would be hard to apply for an auror’s job, which was your dream.

you were broken out of your thoughts by the sound of your professor clearing his throat. your head shot up and you looked around to see the room was now empty save for you both. he gestured to the seat next to his table, so you shuffled over.

he looked over the rim of his glasses as he scanned over your report card. you hated the pitiful look that crossed over his face, you were not used to this.

“you are one of my best students, i really wasn’t expecting this from you..”

you grimaced at his words, feeling worse about your situation. great, you were not the only one disappointed by yourself.

your professor must have noticed because his tone immediately became gentle as he gave you a comforting smile.

“see, the only reason i asked you to stay back was because i know you can do better”, he shuffled through a register seemingly looking for something. “i’m sure you have your reasons as to why your performance went down. i know you can improve again.”

you nodded at his words, already starting to feel better, “yes professor i-”

“which is why i think you should get tutored”, he cut you off.

you froze. tutoring? this was so embarrassing, usually you were the one to provide tutoring to others, and now you have to be the one to receive it? no thank you.

you let out a small chuckle, “i understand professor, but i think i can handle it by myself.”

his brows creased at your words, “i don’t think you have enough time for that, the exams are nearing and you have managed to mess up even the basic things in the exam.”

you sighed at his words, silently accepting your fate because he wasn’t wrong. maybe you should swallow your ego and just get tutored, it was for your own good anyway.

taking a deep breath you put on a fake smile and gritted out, “okay.”

the rush of your mary jane clad feet filled the hallways of hogwarts with clopping sounds. your feet skidded to a stop in front of the library doors and you placed your hand over your chest, trying to catch your breath from the ten minute long run. you were late for your first tutoring session because your evening nap went a little longer than expected.

brushing out stray hair strands from your face you opened the doors and stepped in, looking around for your tutor. the only person other than you was a boy with raven hair, sitting on a bench completely surrounded by bookshelves.

you approached him, assuming he was your tutor.

“uh hey!”, you called out in an unsure manner. “are you my assigned tutor for po-”

“yes”, he cut you off curtly, not even bothering to spare you a glance. “take a seat.”

you frowned in confusion at his cold behaviour and pulled out a chair to sit next to him. he seemed to be shuffling through some papers and organising them. a few seconds went by with him failing to acknowledge your presence. you cleared your throat awkwardly and introduced yourself, trying to get his attention.

his head immediately shot up as soon as he heard your name, his eyes widening in what you could tell was surprise. confused at his reaction, you just gave him a small smile. he was silent for a while, giving you enough time to take in his features.

bangs fell over the smooth skin of his forehead and he looked at you through glasses which fit perfectly on his face, adding on to his handsome features. you had seen him around a few times as you shared a few classes with him. he was one of the smartest students, loved by all his teachers.

“uh i’m jungwon”, his voice broke through the awkward silence.

you nodded, “hey. i’ve seen you around.”

his lips pulled up into a smile at that as he let out a small laugh nervously. you raised your eyebrows at his sudden shift in demeanour. just a moment ago he didn’t care about your presence and now he was smiling? whatever.

“professor told me you had been facing some problems with potions”, he looked down and tapped his quill on the table. “what can i help you with?”

you explained how you messed up the practical test for your mocks. he listened intently, never breaking eye contact with you which made you a bit nervous.

you came to an end of your rant but jungwon still maintained eye contact with you, his chin resting on his hand now.

you cleared your throat, “so..?”

he still seemed to be staring at you, his eyes out of focus as he dreamily smiled at you.

frowning at his odd behaviour, you waved your hand in front of his face which broke him out of his thoughts. his eyes widened momentarily as he shook his head, a small blush spreading across his cheeks.

“are you sick?”

he chuckled nervously, “no no i was just planning out how i could help you”

he picked up a quill and started writing a plan for you in neat handwriting. once he was done, he passed the sheet over to you.

“we’ll follow this for the next two weeks. meet me in the potions class at four tomorrow.”

you gave a once over at what he had written and smiled at him. “will do, thanks jungwon!”

he nodded and started packing up his things. when he was done he looked at you expectantly, “it’s time for dinner, let’s go to the great hall together.”

you smiled and gathered your things as well.

it was the first day of your tutoring and you were early today.

or you thought so.

glancing around the potions classroom, you spotted jungwon already there. he was perched on a stool, arranging vials and flasks on the tables. unlike his usual composed demeanour in class, he seemed flustered, his bangs falling over his forehead as he fumbled with a particularly stubborn stopper.

he looked up as he heard you shuffle in, a relieved smile splitting his face.

"ah, there you are! i was starting to think you'd gotten lost."

"lost?" you repeated, a laugh escaping your lips. "in the potions classroom? hardly."

he chuckled, a nervous undertone to it. "right, of course. so, are you ready to tackle some invisibility potion today?"

you straightened your robes, a determined glint in your eyes. "ready as i'll ever be. though," you added, an unsure lilt in your voice, "considering my track record, maybe 'invisible' isn't the best thing to start off with."

jungwon's hummed, his cheeks flushing. "well, that's why we're practising, isn't it? to avoid another...disappearing act?"

you snorted. "exactly. though, to be fair, the professor did say my failed polyjuice potion was rather impressive in its...uniqueness."

he winced. "right. let's just focus on not achieving sentience with our cauldron this time, alright?"

the rest of the afternoon was a whirlwind of chopping netslime and muttering incantations. jungwon was a patient tutor, though his explanations sometimes devolved into nervous rambling when your eyes met.

by the end of the session, your potion shimmered a faint, almost-invisible blue. not perfect, but a far cry from your previous disasters. jungwon beamed, his earlier awkwardness replaced by genuine pride.

"see? you're a natural! with a little more practice, you'll be brewing like snape in no time."

you laughed. "snape? now that's a terrifying image."

he chuckled, then cleared his throat, his gaze flickering away. "well, i should probably get going. i have herbology first thing tomorrow."

you nodded, gathering your things. "alright, see you then. and jungwon?"

he stopped at the door, his eyes questioning.

"thanks a lot for doing this. i already feel more confident.”

he smiled at that, making you do the same unconsciously.

the next two weeks flew by in a flurry of potion-making and stolen glances in your sessions, and outside of it whenever you both crossed paths. you had made a new friend and you were grateful for his help. you found yourself approaching the cauldron with newfound determination. your brews were improving steadily, and the playful banter during your sessions only added to the enjoyment.

one particularly chilly evening, you hurried down to the room of requirement, the usual meeting place for your secret DA practice sessions. you entered to find the familiar sight of your fellow students practising disarming spells and dodging jinxes. but amidst the chaos, you spotted an unexpected face – jungwon.

he was facing away from you, expertly deflecting a curse with a flick of his wand. you blinked, momentarily speechless. you never knew jungwon was a part of this! a warmth bloomed in your chest, a mixture of surprise and a strange sense of pride.

"nice one, jungwon!" , you called out, a wide grin on your face. jungwon turned, his eyes meeting yours. a flicker of surprise crossed his features before he broke into a wide grin.

"hey there," he said casually, striding over to you. "didn't expect to see you here."

"me neither," you admitted, a smile playing on your lips. "i guess you're not just a potions prodigy, huh?"

he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "turns out i have a few other hidden talents."

the rest of the evening flew by in a whirlwind of practice. seeing jungwon in this new light – confident, skilled, and fighting for a cause you both believed in – made your heart flutter. he was everything you admired and more.

admire? since when did that happen?

shaking your head to rid yourself of such thoughts, you got back to practising your charm. although, over the duration of the practise, your mind couldn’t help but wander towards jungwon’s recent behaviour. he had been sweet to you since the beginning, always ready to help out. and the way he blushed around you and quipped with you, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he also felt something?

as the group started dispersing, you lingered near the room's entrance, feigning the need to adjust your cloak.

"hey," jungwon's voice startled you. he was packing his bag, a casual smile playing on his lips. "didn't head out yet?"

"actually," you began, fiddling with the strap of your bag, "there was something i wanted to ask you about."

his smile widened in invitation. "shoot."

you took a deep breath. "it's about dumbledore's army. we've been working on patronus charms lately, and well, i'm struggling a bit." shame tinged your cheeks. you weren't used to needing help with spells.

jungwon's expression softened with understanding. "a patronus charm, huh? tricky business, that. but hey, i might be able to offer some pointers."

relief washed over you. "really? that would be amazing!"

he gestured towards a secluded corner of the room. "come on, then. let's see what you're working with."

you settled onto the dusty floor, explaining your struggles. you could conjure a faint wisp of silvery light, but it was far from the actual form you needed. jungwon listened intently, occasionally asking clarifying questions.

"okay," he said once you finished, "it seems you've got the basic idea down. the key is focusing on a strong, happy memory. something that evokes a feeling of pure joy and warmth."

he saw your hesitant expression and chuckled. "don't worry, it's not a competition to see who has the most embarrassing childhood memory."

you forced a smile. "no, of course not." but your mind struggled to find that perfect memory.

jungwon seemed to sense your frustration. "close your eyes," he instructed gently.

"take a deep breath and try to visualise a place that makes you feel truly happy. maybe a familiar place from your childhood, a special time with a friend, anything that brings a smile to your face."

you closed your eyes, following his guidance. images flickered through your mind – family picnics, winning a quidditch match, late-night talks with your best friend. but none of them seemed to spark the necessary warmth.

just as you were about to give up, a memory surfaced. a smile bloomed on your face. you opened your eyes and met jungwon's gaze. "i think i have it," you whispered.

he nodded encouragingly. "focus on that feeling. the warmth, the happiness, let it flow through you and into your wand."

you closed your eyes again, picturing the memory that brought you happiness. it was a little hazy as you tried to focus on the touch and sounds from that memory. with a deep breath, you pointed your wand forward and muttered the incantation.

a wisp of silvery light erupted from your wand, growing and solidifying into a shape. it wasn't perfect – the outline of a cat was more suggestion than a form – but it was a patronus. you had finally done it.

a cheer escaped your lips as you realised you had finally done it. you looked at jungwon, your heart brimming with gratitude. "i did it!"

he beamed, genuine pride radiating from him. "see? you're a natural. you just needed a little nudge in the right direction."

his words held a hint of something more, something that sent a shiver down your spine. you wanted to thank him properly, to express just how much his help meant to you.

"thank you, jungwon," you murmured, your voice barely a whisper. you wished, however, that your patronus could solidify into something more impressive, something that truly reflected the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you.

as if sensing your unspoken desire, jungwon stepped closer. his movements were subtle, almost hesitant. but before you could question it, he reached behind you, his hand gently wrapping around yours, enclosing both your hands and your wand within his hold.

a jolt of electricity shot through you at his touch. the air in the room crackled with a tension you hadn't noticed before. your focus on the patronus wavered momentarily, replaced by a hyper awareness of jungwon's warm torso pressed against your back, his fingers brushing against yours.

his warm breath fanned over your ear as he whispered even though there was no one around to hear you both, “now completely focus on that memory.”

the room seemed to shrink, the air growing thick with unspoken tension. you focused on the memory, it acting as a soothing anchor in the storm brewing inside you. but this time, something was different. the wispy light from your wand pulsed, growing brighter, solidifying. the faint outline of a cat sharpened, taking on a more defined form.

in the heightened focus, you were oblivious to everything except the memory and the warmth radiating from jungwon's hand on yours. the familiar nostalgia from the memory echoed in your mind, a beacon of happiness. with a burst of energy, a fully formed silver cat patronus materialised, leaping and frolicking around the room.

you gasped in awe, forgetting everything else. "it's perfect! it's actually a perfect patronus!"

you jumped, unknowingly pushing yourself more into jungwon, making him wrap his hands loosely around you as he chuckled lowly. you spun around to share your joy with him.

but as you turned, your breath hitched. you were impossibly close to him, his hand still wrapped around yours, his face mere inches away. his eyes were dark and intense, a mirror of the emotions swirling within you. the air crackled with unspoken desire.

you leaned in, heart pounding a frantic rhythm against your ribs. he tilted his head ever so slightly, his lips hovering a whisper away from yours. his breath hitched ever so slightly, as you both leaned in, the space between your lips closing with each passing second.

just as your lips were about to meet, jungwon pulled back abruptly.

he cleared his throat, his hand falling away from yours. "that's... that's amazing," he stammered, his eyes flickering away from yours. "a perfect patronus. you really are something else."

his words held a strange distance, and a knot of unease tightened in your stomach. the electric tension that had thrummed in the air moments ago had dissipated, replaced by an awkward silence. you weren't sure what had happened, but embarrassment washed over you in suffocating waves. the joy of your achievement felt strangely hollow now.

your patronus immediately vanished into thin air, leaving a trail of sparkles behind.

the tension in the room receded as quickly as it had risen, leaving a bewildered silence in its wake. you blinked, confused and slightly disappointed. why did he stop?

"i, uh," he stammered, looking at his shoes, "i think it's getting late. maybe we should call it a night?"

did he regret the near kiss? or was there something else at play?

you opened your mouth to ask, but the words wouldn't come. the magic of the patronus lingered, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.

"yeah," you finally managed, your voice barely a whisper. "it's getting late."

jungwon offered a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes before gathering his things and hurrying towards the exit. you watched him go, a myriad of emotions swirling within you.

disappointment gnawed at you like a dementor during your potions class the next day. your potions professor, inspecting your bubbling concoction with a delighted smile, declared it "exactly by the book."

he beamed, announcing, "it appears the extra sessions have paid off! perhaps we can consider them concluded, wouldn't you agree?"

a lump formed in your throat. you glanced at jungwon, expecting a playful jab or a celebratory nod. but he simply shrugged, a noncommittal, ‘sounds good to me,’ escaping his lips.

the professor's words should have filled you with relief. you were back on track, independent once more. yet, as the class ended, all you felt was a hollow emptiness. you caught jungwon's eye for a fleeting moment, hoping for a familiar spark or a shared grin. instead, he averted his gaze, muttering a hurried goodbye and hurried out of the classroom.

this became a pattern over the next few days. in the hallways, where you once exchanged playful jibes, jungwon now seemed to melt into the background whenever you approached. shared classes were endured in a tense silence, his friendly demeanour replaced by a distant politeness.

you replayed the scene in the room of requirement over and over in your head, desperately trying to pinpoint where you'd gone wrong.

had you misread the tension? had you moved too fast, startled him with your sudden boldness?

one evening, you found yourself lingering outside the room of requirement, the usual meeting place for dumbledore's army. you weren't sure why you were there, perhaps a desperate hope that jungwon would appear. the door creaked open, and your best friend peeked out.

"lost something?" she asked, her brow quirked in concern.

you shook your head, the words refusing to form.

"everything alright?" she pressed gently, her perceptive eyes searching yours.

you sighed, finally blurting out, "it's jungwon. did i…did i do something wrong?"

her knowing smile softened the blow. "ah," she said, pulling you into a hug. "sometimes, the most powerful potions are brewed in silence, simmering with unspoken emotions."

her words offered little comfort, but they planted a seed in your mind. maybe rushing something as delicate as what you felt for jungwon wasn't the way. maybe patience, like the perfect potion, required time and the right balance of ingredients. you resolved to let things cool, to focus on mastering your spells and potions, hoping that maybe, one day, the right opportunity would present itself, and the spark you shared with jungwon wouldn't need words to reignite.

screw whatever you thought before. you couldn't wait for that ‘one day’ to come as you watched your classmate, a girl with hair like spun sunshine, practically cling to jungwon's arm in herbology. they were bent over, giggling like pixies at a particularly stubborn gillyweed.

fury replaced the embers of hope your friend had ignited. who was this girl? had he moved on that quickly?

jealousy bubbled in your stomach as you stalked away from the window, hurt settling in your chest. but you were determined to make things right, even if it meant making your friendship(?) with him awkward, you needed to know what went wrong.

the bell signalling the end of class was your cue. you bolted out, weaving through students, your eyes locked on jungwon. he noticed you coming, a flicker of surprise crossing his face, but before he could react, you were upon him.

he was walking with the sunshine-haired girl, lost in their own conversation, until a breathless, "jungwon!" ripped him from it. he turned, eyes widening further when he saw your determined, (slightly crazed) expression.

"uh, hi?" he stammered, glancing between you and the girl who stood blinking at you both, confused.

"excuse me," you said politely through gritted teeth to the girl, who, thankfully, scurried off with a mumbled ‘see you later, jungwon.’

now, alone with the reason of your anger and surging jealousy, you grabbed his arm and steered him away from the castle grounds. you marched him past the greenhouses until you reached a secluded clearing near the black lake. there, with a flourish that would have earned you points in charms class, you pinned him against a sturdy oak tree.

he stared at you, bewildered, as your chest heaved. "okay," he started cautiously, "what's going on?"

"what's going on?" you sputtered, finally finding your voice. "what's going on is, i thought we had...something!" you gestured wildly towards the castle, where you could still see a flicker of sunshine hair disappear around a corner.

jungwon blinked, then a slow blush crept up his neck. "we...we do! we had potions tutoring sessions, remember?"

you threw your hands up in exasperation. "ugh, not tutoring! this…this unspoken thing we have!"

his blush deepened, and he mumbled something inaudible under his breath.

"what?" you demanded.

he took a deep breath. "look, about that night in the room of requirement..."

"yes?" you leaned in, heart pounding.

he cleared his throat. "maybe i… i overreacted. i wasn't sure what you were feeling, and…"

he trailed off, his gaze dropping to the ground. you gaped at him, realising the truth. you hadn't scared him off, he'd scared himself off!

but there was more. a flicker of insecurity crossed his eyes. "and to be honest," he admitted sheepishly, "the real reason i've been avoiding you… well, it's because i was trying to figure out how to tell you something...something big."

you blinked. here you were, fuming about a nonexistent threat, while jungwon had been battling his own insecurities. the situation was hilarious, almost. but mostly, it was endearing.

a slow smile spread across your face. "well, spill it, jungwon. don't leave me in suspense."

he fumbled with his words, cheeks burning a fiery red. "it's about...well, ever since the beginning of this year, i’ve looked at you…in a different light."

your heart thrummed erratically now, hoping he was getting to where you wanted him to.

"...and, well, you're not just funny and smart, you're kind and brave, and the way you laugh at my stupid jokes, it just makes me..." his voice trailed off, his eyes pleading with yours.

his rambling was adorable, but the knot of frustration in your stomach tightened with every nervous stammer. you couldn't take it anymore.

grabbing him by the collar, you silenced him with a kiss. it started desperate, fueled by the need to know his true feelings, but as his lips met yours, it melted into something sweeter. you poured your unspoken emotions into that kiss, the frustration, the longing, the dawning hope.

suddenly, jungwon spun you around, switching your positions so that you were pushed against the tree now. your breath hitched in surprise at his sudden show of confidence. he dove back into the kiss, his soft lips moving against yours in fervour. the intensity of your kiss increased along with your pulse and you were pretty sure jungwon could feel it with the way he was pressed up against you

when he finally pulled back, breathless and dizzy, a different kind of silence hung in the air.

jungwon stared at you as your cheeks flushed a brilliant crimson, mirroring the sunset bleeding across the lake. finally, a smile bloomed on his face, genuine and relieved.

"see," he breathed, voice husky, "that was much easier than all that."

you laughed, a genuine sound that echoed through the clearing. relief washed over you, warm and tingly. "i should be the one saying that" you teased.

“yeah well i chickened out”, he scratched his head in embarrassment, “i wanted my confession to be perfect.”

you smirked, “yeah well what you pulled right now was very romantic. i didn’t know you had that in you.”

he rolled his eyes playfully and grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. “you liked it though. let’s head back now, it’s almost time for dinner.”

you smiled as you walked in step with him, swinging your intertwined hands back and forth. he squeezed your hand with a cheeky grin on his face. you returned the squeeze looking up at him in question, when his next words had a blush blooming on your face.

“i hope you’re going to pay me back for those lessons with more of such kisses.”

𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 ©𝗴𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆𝘆 on Tumblr

˚ · .𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿��𝗲𝗱

#౨ৎ 𝓐dy writes🪄#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen oneshots #enhypen fics #enhypen x reader #jungwon #yang jungwon #jungwon x reader #jungwon imagines #jungwon fics #jungwon oneshots #kpop fics #hogwarts au #enhypen hogwarts au

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clockwayswrites · 2 years ago

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Like Betta Fish Do - Part 12

Masterpost of ao3 link and all parts.

wc 2295 (Chapter 9 when on ao3)

“Hey, it’s Danny, right?” asked the person standing next to Danny’s seat. They shifted, tucking a long strand of pitch black hair behind their ear.

“Yes?”

“We thought—”

“She thought,” said the woman who practically barreled into the first speaker’s back. She hooked her chin over the other’s shoulder with a grin as she adjusted her hijab. “Cloe thought, but we all agree.”

“Which is why I said we, I’m Cloe, this is Fara, that guy over there is José.” She motioned to a young man with a head full of curly brown hair and an easy smile waiting by the door. “We need a fourth for the group project, want to join us?”

“Me?” Danny repeated in surprise. No one in Casper High ever wanted him on a team, not unless it was Tucker and Sam.

“Totally. Your comment today on the possible advancements of propulsion technology was just the sort of thing that we’d love to do our topic on. It didn’t look like you had a group?”

“No, I don’t, not yet. That would be nice,” Danny said with a crooked smile. He’d been worried about having to find a group to work with so the offer was a huge weight off. Honestly the presentation was way too much of their grade in his opinion (but maybe that’s just because he had been dreading it).

“That’s great!” Cloe smiled back at him. “Do you have time to meet now? Just, like, to a coffee shop or the library. We can hash out the basics and what everyone should research before we meet up again the next time.”

“Sure. I could almost always use a coffee,” Danny said as he shoved his aging laptop in his backpack.

“Yeah, we can kinda tell with the…” Fara pointed at her own face, finger circling around her eyes.

Danny barked out a surprised laugh when Cloe let out an affronted “Fara!”

“Hey, I’ve been cultivating these dark circles since high school. They’re like fine wine,” Danny said. Snarky he knew how to handle.

“Oh, José will like you,” Fara said with a laugh. She linked arms with Danny and practically dragged him towards the door. “José! I found you another coffee addict.”

“Thank you,” he praised, “because Cloe only drinks the most basic bitch drinks and Fara likes tea.”

“I make an exception for pumpkin spiced lattes and hot chocolate,” Fara said with coy smile.

“See? See what I have to put up with. Please, my dude— is it my dude?” Danny nodded in response. “My dude, please tell me you drink real coffee.”

“With as many espresso shots as they’re legally allowed to add,” Danny said.

“A man after my own heart— a heart that runs on coffee,” José said with a laugh as they all spilled out the front of the engineering building.

Maybe this presentation wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Okay, so maybe Danny was just really not used to being around people any more.

Really, really not used to it.

He’d only spent an hour or so with the other’s at the coffeeshop, but between that, class, picking up a treat for Jason, and just having to go back and forth throughout the city Danny felt his nerves crawling under his skin. Every noise from every apartment around was so loud. Even his fridge seemed to be screaming at him with its incessant whine.

And there was no where to get away from it.

If he went out, Danny would just be surrounded by the sounds and smells and lights of the city. People would jostle into him or sit too close on the bus and— Danny shuddered at the idea of being touched by strangers right then.

He rubbed his fingers against his palms as he shifted and tried to lay more comfortably on his small sofa. He had his t.v. on, streaming mindless video game play throughs, but he wasn’t really paying attention to it. It was just to try and block out some of the noise.

There were things about the city that he loved, sure. The access to food was great. There was an amazing variety in walking distance of his place or campus. He’d also found a few great stores— a game store and a second hand clothing shop were top of his list. It was great how there was always a distraction.

But there was always a distraction.

Nothing ever really stopped in the city. That constant hum, after a few weeks of it, was really getting to Danny. He hadn’t thought he was rural or anything, but Amity’s hundred thousand or so people never prepared him for living here.

He closed his eyes and made himself take a slow breath.

Jason was going to show him some places around the city today.

He had to get a handle on himself before then.

He’d been trying for an hour now— or so his phone alerted him to when he checked it for the hundredth time. He laid it back on his chest and closed his eyes. When it started ringing a moment later he nearly jumped out of his skin.

‘Jason Calling’, it read. He fumbled to swipe the screen. “Hi.”

“Hey. My meeting wrapped early so I was going to head your way now if that’s good?”

Danny swallowed, trying to force back the buzzing under his skin. “Oh, um, yeah, sure.”

The line was silent for a pause. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Jason snorted. “That’s a lie.”

Danny flung an arm over his eyes and forced himself to take another breath. “I guess, just… It’s stupid.”

“Fish.”

The endearment was more gentle than Danny felt he deserved. He was being stupid about this. Who struggled to be around people? And he wanted to see Jason too. It was just… everyone— everything else.

He could hear the sounds of the city on Jason’s end and tried to focus on his voice instead. “Come on fish, talk to me.”

“It’s just— being in the city all the time… it’s just getting to me a little, I guess. I’m not used it it. That’s all. I’ll be fine.”

Jason gave a considering hum. “Okay. Change of plans. Do you have a leather jacket?”

“What? No?”

“Okay. Are you up for one stop first? We’ll make it quick.”

“One stop before what?” Danny asked as he pulled himself up by the back of the couch.

“Before my new plan for the day.” Jason sounded smug.

“I don’t— we don’t have to—”

“Trust me, okay?”

It was such an earnest request that it brought Danny to pause. He swallowed once more before he found his voice. “Of course I will.”

“Good. Then I’ll see you in twenty. Go put on jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and some sturdy shoes.”

The abrupt end to the call had Danny blinking down at his phone before he pulled himself up to do as he was told.

Jason studied Danny as the other came out of his apartment building. He hadn’t liked how Danny sounded on the phone and he didn’t much like how Danny looked now. It was like the other had tucked all his loud, jagged, wonderful edges away. It was like he was hiding from the world.

Well, Jason would just have to fix that.

“Just one quick stop,” Jason said, handing Danny a helmet.

“I’m fine, you don’t have to ba—”

“Fish,” Jason said firmly. He waited until Danny was actually looking at him (not frowning at the ground) to continue. “It’s okay if you’re not okay. You don’t have to apologize to me or about it or about you. You can be not fine.”

Fuck he was sounding like his well meaning family now. Still, it got a wobbly smile from Danny, so maybe it was worth parroting back the words. The words didn’t always help, he knew that. They certainly didn’t fix stuff that he still struggled with some days, but they couldn’t hurt. It couldn’t hurt to be reminded that someone cared.

“Okay. One quick stop,” Danny agreed.

“Right,” Jason said. He turned and straddled his motorcycle. “You ever ridden before?”

“Yeah, actually I have. A friend has one.”

“Huh.” Jason was actually a little surprised by that. “Okay then hang on tight. We won’t be doing anything crazy in the city, but we might have to stop quickly. Some drivers are jackasses about motorcycles.”

The bike dipped under him as Danny settled on behind him. There was an obvious moment of hesitation before Danny let himself slide forward. As Danny settled along his back, Jason had a thought of how well Danny fit. He briefly squeezed the arms wrapped around his waist in notice before he started his bike up and they took off through the city.

The one quick stop was to get Danny a riding jacket and gloves; Jason wanted to be sure that Danny would be warm and, more importantly, protected on the drive. As it was, Jason drove more cautiously than normal, very aware that Danny’s safety was in his hands.

It wasn’t long to the store, and he tried to make sure the shopping didn’t take too long. He could practically see Danny’s edges fraying. He did make Danny try on several jackets, even if he tried to make sure they didn’t linger, so that Danny could find the right one.

“Are you sure this is it?” Danny asked, tugging on the hem of the black leather jacket. It had a bit of a retro cut, but there was enough modern padding that if Danny fell off the road rash wouldn’t be that bad. Besides, Danny looked good in it; it cinched nicely at his waist and fit his shoulder snugly.

“Yep,” Jason said. He reached out and smacked Danny’s hand away when he tried to take a peak at the price tag again. “Stop that. I already told you I’m buying.”

“Jason—”

“Just accept it. Give me the jacket and go pick out some gloves,” he said.

Danny rolled his eyes, but shrugged off the jacket and handed it over. Jason took the moment to explain the mater to the sales person, who was cooperative about not saying the total out loud. The knowing smirk was a bit weird though. It even had Danny glancing at Jason suspiciously, but they got out of the store with what was needed and Danny none the wiser to what a good motorcycle jacket could cost.

Jason took the time to sync up both helmets so that they could talk on the ride if they wanted to, but he left the matter to Danny. It turned out to be mostly silent once they left the city, especially since Jason wasn’t explaining where they were going. The longer they were on the open roads, the more that Jason could feel Danny relaxing against his back until. Finally he settled in and rested his head against Jason’s shoulder blade.

“Thank you.”

“Ain’t seen nothing yet,” Jason rumbled back.

Danny just answered with a soft hum before he fell silent again.

Jason took them on the highway, down some side streets just for the view, and through a smaller city to the more secluded parking lot that he knew about. He could feel Danny freeze up behind him, and chuckled as he pulled off his own helmet. Danny did the same as he stumbled off the bike.

“Come on,” Jason said. He practically had to guide Danny down the path and to the top of the first bluff where the concrete ended.

Danny let out a breath exhale. “Oh, wow.”

His mouth hung slightly open as he stared out at the crashing waves and the beach that stretched out before them. A cloudy fall day wasn’t exactly the best time to visit the coast (not that they were the only ones doing so), but Danny still stared at it like it was the best thing he’d seen in a long time.

He stared at it like it gave him life.

Jason found he wanted— suddenly and fiercely— to find a million more moments that would bring that same spark to Danny’s eyes. He didn’t want Danny to stop living just because he had died.

Jason didn’t want to stop living just because he had died.

Not anymore.

He reached down to undo the knots on his boots with Danny scrambling to do the same. Laces tied together, Jason slung the boots across his shoulders and made his way onto the beach. He reached out to help balance Danny as he stumbled a little on the soft white sand.

When they had gotten to the edge of the water, Jason hung back slightly in the damp, but not wet, sand while Danny, with all of his normal abandon, rolled up his pants legs and barreled into the waves with a whoop. He ran in and out of the surf like one of those sand piper birds as the wind whipped his dark hair around his face like a storm of shadows.

Laughing as he was chased by a larger swell of water, Danny stumbled back to Jason’s side. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with salt air, and then just slumped heavily against Jason like he was boneless. Jason took the weight easily.

Jason grinned down at Danny, who’s eyes were still locked on the water. “Worth the trip?”

“Yeah. Yeah, worth the trip. Completely. Thank you Jason.”

“’Course. Gotta get the fish to water now and then.”

“Shut up, dead boy.” Danny rolled his eyes, but his grin didn’t drop for a second.

Jason chuckled, but found he didn’t need to say anything back. He was content to just watch Danny watch the ocean.

-----

AN: Finally an update for you all~ ngl, there are some rough spots I'm not entirely happy with, I feel you can really tell what I wrote when I was feeling really, really poorly. But that's what a re-write is for, I guess!

The classmates won't show up too much, but I needed an outside perspective and to show Danny is settling in- even if he's struggling with some things.

Apologies for any typos, I currently want to melon ball my eye out from this migraine so you know, words are hard. Anywho, stay delightful, darlings!

#dp x dc #danny fenton #jason todd #dead on main #deadonmain #danny x jason #like betta fish do

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snickerdoodlles · 1 year ago

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pulling out a section from this post (a very basic breakdown of generative AI) for easier reading;

AO3 and Generative AI

There are unfortunately some massive misunderstandings in regards to AO3 being included in LLM training datasets. This post was semi-prompted by the ‘Knot in my name’ AO3 tag (for those of you who haven’t heard of it, it’s supposed to be a fandom anti-AI event where AO3 writers help “further pollute” AI with Omegaverse), so let’s take a moment to address AO3 in conjunction with AI. We’ll start with the biggest misconception:

1. AO3 wasn’t used to train generative AI.

Or at least not anymore than any other internet website. AO3 was not deliberately scraped to be used as LLM training data.

The AO3 moderators found traces of the Common Crawl web worm in their servers. The Common Crawl is an open data repository of raw web page data, metadata extracts and text extracts collected from 10+ years of web crawling. Its collective data is measured in petabytes. (As a note, it also only features samples of the available pages on a given domain in its datasets, because its data is freely released under fair use and this is part of how they navigate copyright.) LLM developers use it and similar web crawls like Google’s C4 to bulk up the overall amount of pre-training data.

AO3 is big to an individual user, but it’s actually a small website when it comes to the amount of data used to pre-train LLMs. It’s also just a bad candidate for training data. As a comparison example, Wikipedia is often used as high quality training data because it’s a knowledge corpus and its moderators put a lot of work into maintaining a consistent quality across its web pages. AO3 is just a repository for all fanfic -- it doesn’t have any of that quality maintenance nor any knowledge density. Just in terms of practicality, even if people could get around the copyright issues, the sheer amount of work that would go into curating and labeling AO3’s data (or even a part of it) to make it useful for the fine-tuning stages most likely outstrips any potential usage.

Speaking of copyright, AO3 is a terrible candidate for training data just based on that. Even if people (incorrectly) think fanfic doesn’t hold copyright, there are plenty of books and texts that are public domain that can be found in online libraries that make for much better training data (or rather, there is a higher consistency in quality for them that would make them more appealing than fic for people specifically targeting written story data). And for any scrapers who don’t care about legalities or copyright, they’re going to target published works instead. Meta is in fact currently getting sued for including published books from a shadow library in its training data (note, this case is not in regards to any copyrighted material that might’ve been caught in the Common Crawl data, its regarding a book repository of published books that was scraped specifically to bring in some higher quality data for the first training stage). In a similar case, there’s an anonymous group suing Microsoft, GitHub, and OpenAI for training their LLMs on open source code.

Getting back to my point, AO3 is just not desirable training data. It’s not big enough to be worth scraping for pre-training data, it’s not curated enough to be considered for high quality data, and its data comes with copyright issues to boot. If LLM creators are saying there was no active pursuit in using AO3 to train generative AI, then there was (99% likelihood) no active pursuit in using AO3 to train generative AI.

AO3 has some preventative measures against being included in future Common Crawl datasets, which may or may not work, but there’s no way to remove any previously scraped data from that data corpus. And as a note for anyone locking their AO3 fics: that might potentially help against future AO3 scrapes, but it is rather moot if you post the same fic in full to other platforms like ffn, twitter, tumblr, etc. that have zero preventative measures against data scraping.

2. A/B/O is not polluting generative AI

…I’m going to be real, I have no idea what people expected to prove by asking AI to write Omegaverse fic. At the very least, people know A/B/O fics are not exclusive to AO3, right? The genre isn’t even exclusive to fandom -- it started in fandom, sure, but it expanded to general erotica years ago. It’s all over social media. It has multiple Wikipedia pages.

More to the point though, omegaverse would only be “polluting” AI if LLMs were spewing omegaverse concepts unprompted or like…associated knots with dicks more than rope or something. But people asking AI to write omegaverse and AI then writing omegaverse for them is just AI giving people exactly what they asked for. And…I hate to point this out, but LLMs writing for a niche the LLM trainers didn’t deliberately train the LLMs on is generally considered to be a good thing to the people who develop LLMs. The capability to fill niches developers didn’t even know existed increases LLMs’ marketability. If I were a betting man, what fandom probably saw as a GOTCHA moment, AI people probably saw as a good sign of LLMs’ future potential.

3. Individuals cannot affect LLM training datasets.

So back to the fandom event, with the stated goal of sabotaging AI scrapers via omegaverse fic.

…It’s not going to do anything.

Let’s add some numbers to this to help put things into perspective:

LLaMA’s 65 billion parameter model was trained on 1.4 trillion tokens. Of that 1.4 trillion tokens, about 67% of the training data was from the Common Crawl (roughly ~3 terabytes of data).

3 terabytes is 3,000,000,000 kilobytes.

That’s 3 billion kilobytes.

According to a news article I saw, there has been ~450k words total published for this campaign (*this was while it was going on, that number has probably changed, but you’re about to see why that still doesn’t matter). So, roughly speaking, ~450k of text is ~1012 KB (I’m going off the document size of a plain text doc for a fic whose word count is ~440k).

So 1,012 out of 3,000,000,000.

Aka 0.000034%.

And that 0.000034% of 3 billion kilobytes is only 2/3s of the data for the first stage of training.

And not to beat a dead horse, but 0.000034% is still grossly overestimating the potential impact of posting A/B/O fic. Remember, only parts of AO3 would get scraped for Common Crawl datasets. Which are also huge! The October 2022 Common Crawl dataset is 380 tebibytes. The April 2021 dataset is 320 tebibytes. The 3 terabytes of Common Crawl data used to train LLaMA was randomly selected data that totaled to less than 1% of one full dataset. Not to mention, LLaMA’s training dataset is currently on the (much) larger size as compared to most LLM training datasets.

I also feel the need to point out again that AO3 is trying to prevent any Common Crawl scraping in the future, which would include protection for these new stories (several of which are also locked!).

Omegaverse just isn’t going to do anything to AI. Individual fics are going to do even less. Even if all of AO3 suddenly became omegaverse, it’s just not prominent enough to influence anything in regards to LLMs. You cannot affect training datasets in any meaningful way doing this. And while this might seem really disappointing, this is actually a good thing.

Remember that anything an individual can do to LLMs, the person you hate most can do the same. If it were possible for fandom to corrupt AI with omegaverse, fascists, bigots, and just straight up internet trolls could pollute it with hate speech and worse. AI already carries a lot of biases even while developers are actively trying to flatten that out, it’s good that organized groups can’t corrupt that deliberately.

#generative ai #pulling this out wasnt really prompted by anything specific #so much as heard some repeated misconceptions and just #sighs #nope #incorrect #u got it wrong #sorry #unfortunately for me: no consistent tag to block #sigh #ao3

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granulesofsand · 10 months ago

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Programmed DID vs OSDD-1 and DDNOS

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA, programming, EC-DID

Today is therapy day, so we get to dwell in thoughts more than we probably should. It’s mostly for us, but I’ll post it in case it helps.

We have bulletin board type things in the library that alters can use to put together pieces of non-memory mysteries. One of these bulletin boards is about the more basic curiosities of our programming.

I propose I have an answer to precisely one of those questions.

Why are our alters so distinct?

We’ve come across this item in two settings: that Alison Miller book that says

“It appears that DDNOS is the intentional goal of these abusers, but DID sometimes results from a failure of programming.” Healing the Unimaginable

and within our own family.

Miller, who is rather rude when describing the CDDs she treats, believes that the ideal programming has an omnipresent front person with programmed parts working through them.

Our programmed family members tend to fall closer to those lines; our father is the model of OSDD-1a, while our mother leans closer to DID in terms of alter elaboration.

And then there’s us.

We are not only a partitionary system, but many of us were handed these detailed appearances and backgrounds and conditioned towards different interests and skills. And! We’re one of the worst failures in our group.

There was a 20 year gap between the structuring of their systems and ours, and the only person we’ve met near our age had in-tact programming, if they had any.

(I would’ve liked to poke around by them a little more and see what their external presentation is compared to ours, but that would be invasive even if we could do it.)

So, I present my findings.

Based on our own memories and programming, in combination with the knowledge of programming tactics employed by both sides of our family…

We’re just really good at dissociation.

Our first programmers and handlers were from our mother’s side. The larger group traditionally had the oldest member of the same sex receive the child, and from there they delegate responsibilities to younger same-sex descendants. Female child, oldest female in the maternal line.

They programmed closer to DID when our paternal side programmed a bit further than BPD. Our great-grandmother did our early programming, then our grandmother after she died, and the handler after 13 is the parent until legal marriage.

We were very dissociative as a small child. Maybe because our base programming was done by someone with experience, but we took in all the details they gave us and then some. I don’t see the same even with family we know were programmed like us.

So it’s largely coincidental, and they at least intended for us to have DID. We did not fail being programmed even if our programming is failing. We are not bad for breaking the chain.

#ramcoa #tw ramcoa #ramcoa programming #ramcoa system #ramcoa vent #cdd system #did osdd #osddid #adaptive system #ec did #hc did

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dailyanarchistposts · 3 months ago

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UGL: Ok, let us start with the basic things like the project itself. What is it?

TSU: Okay, well, the scarlet underground’s got three parts of the project—the first part of course is the immediate mutual aid that we need to be using as a direct action for the rural community where we’re based. So what we’re doing is 1. spreading awareness, something the state shoould have done long ago aand because of which most people dont get why they need masks, etc 2. making and giving out free masks and 3. delivering products like rice, daal (lentils), soybeans and sanitizers etc to the poorest of the villages here, who are Lodhas and Santhals, indigienous peoples of India. After the lockdown is over and by the time it’s december we’re planning on building a community centre which will a ct as a school for permaculture, and also as a health clinic and legal aid that would be built in a land that the collective will buy together, and we’re planning to figure out the contours and dig swales to hold the rainwater and basically practic e permaculture there and the idea is that once the locals see the difference between permaulture and monoculture, they’ll be changing the way they grow plants too. The other bit is the other plan is to build a shallow well during december (or maybe even later, but before summer) because if the rains dont come then the farmers lose all their paddy and shallow wells will help them be able to harvest rice all year round. Okay, the last thing is to build another community centre in calcutta which is around 3 hours away, a sort of part library and part free hostel and soup kitchen, for the unemplyed and the homeless. It also gives us space to bring in volunteers let more people know about our permaculture project in jhargram, among other information that would be more political. Like there’s a sponge iron factory here and we’ll need to begin organising people here to fight them. The last time the leader of the protest was found hanging from a tree in the jungle. So yeah, it’s pretty dark. Now the thing is we need people to contribute as a show of solidarity and not charity—which most people obviously don’t get, so international groups like FAU from germany are helping us, and then there are comrades here who helped us too but they can’t really afford so much (even 10,000 rupees is a lot for us). I haven’t added the Calcutta plans there because we’re planning to do that once Flo and other comrades from abroad get here in december. Most of the TSU right now is just farmers, local workers, students and anarchists: all in all i would say 10 people, out of which 3 are in Calcutta right now. Hence everything is being done by the 7 of us at the moment, and another farmer, who’s a commie, wants to join so we’ll be talking to them soon about it. Next week we’re hoping to get enough funds go to Aulgeria which is an adivasi village, and begin our work with them.

UGL: So pretty much you are building a commune from the start and it’s a pretty good start. My second question is, how did you folks came up with this project? Did you have land from the beginning or had to purchase?

TSU: My family used to be liberal land owners until my grandfather became a commie, so we have land here which we bought from anglo-indians who were leaving during india’s partition and since my whole family is leftist, we’ve kept that praxis alive, which is why my mother wants to be a part of this too and doesn’t mind us working from here—in fact she’s full of ideas The land that we wish to turn into the commune is a literal forest—-it’s next to a forest reserve and is full of sal trees among other fruit trees etc, so there will be a lot of work to be done once that begins. But the main, immediate work right now is the covid-19 mutual aid drive, for which we’re raising funds. Yesterday the cops beat up and humiliated locals in the village for not wearing masks, for example. So right now it’s imperative that we give out free masks to as many families as possible and spread awareness about covid—--one of our comrade’s already made posters for it so that’s what we’ll be doing this week, printing up the posters and pamphlets and spreading them around along with the masks By next week if we get enough funds we’ll go to aulgeria, where we basically buy the rice they harvest and distribute it to thepeople and then also get them the rest of the products and soap and sanitizer, etc. We’ll document the whole thing too, so you’ll get to see the aid work once it begins

UGL: What is the name of the town your project’s taking place?

TSU: It’s actually a village, but it’s close to Jhargram. It’s within the jhargram district. This place is called Niribili, you can find it on google, my mother and father used to run it as a homestay (father died of covid last november). The village is called Garh Salboni. Anyway, until we get enough money to buy our own acres of land, we’ll have to use this land as our base, which is fine by the collective as well as the “owners” because of the similarities in ideologies

UGL: That’s pretty nice. How do the locals think of what you’re doing. Have you recruited any new members yet?

TSU: Well out of the 7 of us working here, 3 are locals and there’s another one joining. The local folk are pleased regarding our project—it’s the political parties within the villages that often try to say that the mutual aid work was done by them etc but this sort of direct action always seems to have a positive impact in my experience. There’s also another man called kabir who will possibly join us—i’m waiting to meet him once his work gets over in a few days. So yeah, we’re really trying to make this as local as possible, found that to be the best way to promote solidarity and the idea of autonomy.

UGL: Seems like your project is a flame of hope in a world of darkness. Do you cooperate with other collectives? Both on national and international level I mean.

TSU: We cooperate with FAU germany who has helped us a lot. IWW England hasn’t really helped, but when have the British ever helped Indians? Many anarchists, on individual level, cooperate with us, but it’s mostly been FAU who helped us a lot with funds; and on national level there are individuals that contribute through either work or funds but they aren’t many. We’re trying to be more in touch with Araj and BASO which are based in Bangladesh, but that’s still in its embryo as it were,but we haven’t had the opportunity as of yet to cooperate with anarchist collectives from Greece or Spain or Latin America.

UGL: Glad to hear the FAU is helping, do they plan on making a visit down there? As for the Bangla comrades, please tell me more about them. I know nothing about autonomia and anarchism in Bangladesh.

TSU: I don’t know much to be honest, but there are way more anarchist groups in Bangladesh (BASO is a syndicalist union), Araj I think is an anarchist co-op. Araj basically means Stateless in Bangla.

UGL: We should confederate and help each other. With this interview I plan on making Greek comrades learn of you. However geography also plays it’s role and it’s a good thing you came in contact with Bangla comrades. How about Pakistan though? All of us here would love nothing more than to confederate with your group! We’d love to know more about it too, and maybe we could visit and learn from each other in the future. Well I’m not very well versed with Pakistani anarchist groups—-the demonization of the people there is enough to shield what is really happening there. I’m sure there are groups there, but I’m guessing they have to be very secretive because of the State and also religious fundamentalism. A Pakistani anarchist once wanted to meet me, he had even arrived here but he was made to go to the police station every day and was basically harassed so much that he literally cried for a long time and just left for Pakistan. I’ve been in touch with Food Not Bombs in the Phillipines though, they’re very very cool and really figured out their own way of reaching out to peoplethrough punk concerts for example.

UGL: how will you proceed after completing the Kolkata project? Do you plan on creating a network of communes based on solidarity within India?

TSU: Yeah that’s our basic plan. So in much the same way we try to influence different people in cities through agitprop, seminars and volunteer work what anarchism and mutual aid really means, and then help them organise their own co-op or commune, which i think is important because doing it the first few times, you’ll fail for sure. But you’ll still learn so many things iut of it and bit by bit you can perfect your flow. If everything works out well then i’m hoping that by 2040 (when climate change will most definitely become extremely destructive, something we can’t even fathom as a species) that we will have these communes set together as a federation where we’re always cooperating and figuring out problems autonomously instead of hoping that the chief minister notices that your whole village is starving and devoid of any paddy. But yeah that’s just a dream until we manage to stick to our own plan to make a commune. I think once we start the community centre both in Salboni and in Kolkata, things will start flowing. We’re still trying to figure out where we can make money (as a co-op, to support ourselves) or if our production isenough. We’ll figure something out. Up til december none of this is going to happen, we’re only going to be working in villages in the jhargram district with food and supplies, free masks and hold awareness campaigns, etc.

UGL: I see a lot of similarity between yours and ours project, especially now that you’ve mentioned climate change. You earlier talked of co-ops farms and permaculture as far as I know Indian plains are pretty suitable for farming. Do you plan on starting more farms?

TSU: We love permaculture. That’s what we’re trying to do in the forest here! I’ve obviously never learnt it anywhere but I’ve been trying to learn about it and read about it, and I’ve practised with companion plants and some other tactics, it’s amazing how different permaculture can make your forest. Flo only told me that you’re green anarchists, so I gathered you were probably practicing permaculture, so yeah, I got pretty excited. I’d love to know more about what you do and about your farm and your experiences.

UGL: Well, I’m not an anarchist, I’m an autonomist that has been influenced by the anti-civ and green anarchists currents. The rest of the folk is mostly composed of green anarchist comrades. We’ve started working on the farms from early November and have good progress since then. Right now we’re waiting for the crops to be ready and a portion of them will be distributed among poor proletarian folk. Permaculture saved us a lot of cash and we’re working also on food forests and wood cabins where people can be hosted. We also practice animal herding, what about you?

TSU: I’m an anarchist, I’ve been heavily influenced by kropotkin, camus and goldman, and bhagat singh, who was an indian revolutionary. I’ve always been torn between red and green anarchism, because to me climate change has always been the biggest cause for radical change and the ones responsible for it are the capitalists. so i’ve worked wth MLs, maoists and we had our own zine and collective called Eyezine, after which there was Kaloberal Collective, which failed again, and then in 2020 we started People’s Solidarit Collective, which was a mutual-aid collective, which basically turned into The Scarlet Underground. So this project is a mixture of black and green and black and red, one could say. We’ve had some cows before, now we have lots of chickens and dogs. And elephants; Lots of them here now, to eat the mangoes and jackfruits.

UGL: That’s pretty cool. So you’ve got some past from which you can use the reputation to have the project grow in numbers and quality. Eggs, milk and cheese can be good and nutritious source of food for the poor folk. I see that you activities are pretty much like ours, rural-based. However, since you plan on expanding towards urban centers, how will you proceed there? We thought of creating vertical gardens on squats, but nothing more than that. How about you?

TSU: Unfortunately here in urban areas it costs a fortune to get a house with land to use. At best I think it will have to be an indoor community garden where we practice permaculture but on big plastic or clay circular vats. That way whoever enters the community centre leaves with some idea and maybe curiosity about permaculture.

UGL: What about squats?

TSU: Squats are difficult in Calcutta, they’re usually taken up by homeless people, however we could cooperate it with them and provide them with food. Problem is that it’s much harder to do your daily work because the police here will beat you up.

UGL: I see. Those squats in Calcutta, are they located in the slums? Is there a lot of police in the region?

TSU: Loads of them. There are a lot of protesters in the region tooyeah but they make those houses themselves in the slums the state does fuckall for them or any NGO.

UGL: We hope your project goes well. We will proceed with the confederation and let us hope that more collectives will join us into creating a global network of solidarity. Cheers to you comrade!

TSU: Cheers to you!

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carriagelamp · 1 year ago

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My internet died for about half a week this month, so I had a really peaceful few days where I had an enforced excuse to do nothing but relax and read when I got home from work. It was incredibly zen and I really sank into my books that week.

The Call of the Wild

A classic novel that I’ve always meant to read. I was sick and headachy this month and decided that this was the perfect sort of relaxing, narratively rich book to listen to. I really enjoyed it, would recommend. It follows a dog named Buck who’s snatched from his home in southern California and is shipped off to work as a sled dog in the Yukon, where a need for strong dogs to help transport goods over the snow and ice makes them very valuable. Buck has to learn how to survive in this harsh environment as everything from the weather, his fellows dogs, and his human masters seem to fight against him.

A Complicated Love Story Set In Space // How To Bite Your Neighbour and Win A Wager

Putting these two together because my experience with them was pretty similar. For both I was intrigued by the title, got them from the library on a whim, and didn’t really mesh with either. I didn’t really get far enough in either to give much of a review, they just didn’t vibe. A Complicated Love Story Set In Space set up a scenario that didn’t really interest me — not surprising, I��m picky about my scifi — and How To Bite Your Neighbour and Win A Wager just had an… odd writing style to it. It very much feels like it’s main goal is to be a kinda horny about vampires which, if that’s what you want, all the power to you, but it’s wasn't doing it for me. I had to suspend way too much disbelief for the scenario to function.

Indiana Jones and the Cup of the Vampire // Indiana Jones and the Curse of Horror Island

A pair of choose your own adventure books I found at a used book sale. I picked them up out of sheer amusement, and they were basically what I expected and paid for: cheesy 1980s adventure stories with Indiana Jones as a nominal protagonist. They were both varying degrees of improbable, ridiculous, and racist so YMMV but they were fun to play with while I was down and out on the internet front.

The Kootenay Kidnapper

Eric Wilson is a classic Canadian author who writes children’s mystery/thriller novels. I’ve never read him before and decided to remedy that. At this point I choose to withhold judgement until I read another… I’m not sure how I felt about The Kootenay Kidnapper. It had some nice descriptive language, successfully raised the tension from time to time and made me really try to piece together who the villain was, but then also had some strange dead zones as well. The whole thing read a bit like a 1990s stranger danger PSA which was also… weirdly nostalgic? But also just weird. Would try another.

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation comic v3

I continue to be a MDZS simp, this is not news.

The Radium Girls

I don’t read much nonfiction, but this book was so narrative in its writing that I seriously couldn’t put it down. Kate Moore took a historical event (the girls that were paid to paint watch dials with radium paint in the early 1900s) that had been written about in scientific and legal styles, and instead retells it with a primary focus on the girls themselves. You follow a variety of real life women over the decades and learn about the all the machinations that went into them being horrifically poisoned by radium, and how that changed the very foundation of American workplace safety. Super engaging, unspeakably appalling.

Scott Pilgrim v1/2

My brother and I started watching Scott Pilgrim Takes Off on Netflix and… wow, it is not what either of us was expecting but we are loving it. We’ve both been big Scott Pilgrim fans since the naughts. Since I haven’t reread the series in years I decided I should pick it up to help notice the differences between the original series and this new show — I have the big, coloured omnibus version, so I reread the first collection of stories which amounts to volume 1 and 2 of the original.

Scott Pilgrim is one of those comics that if you’ve somehow never read then you really need to, it’s one of my all-time favourites. It’s a story about Scott Pilgrim, a young adult who’s awkwardly trying to figure himself out, combining a coming-of-age slice-of-life with magical realism. The mysterious girl he meets, Ramona Flowers, can travel a subspace highway through Scott’s dreams — of course, don’t they teach Canadians how to do that? Huh, maybe it’s an American thing. Scott is known to be the best fighter in the province and when he defeats an enemy they explode into a pile of coins. One of the Evil Exes has Vegan Powers, and another can summon demonic back up dancers. This story just does whatever the fuck it likes and I adore it for that.

Heaven Official's Blessing v3/4

I continue to be TGCF simp, this is not— seriously, the series continues to be excellent and I only get more and more invested in not just Xie Lian and Hua Cheng, but also in the side characters that are introduced. I was thrilled to have Shi Qingxuan become a bigger player in book 4, and really liked the whole plot with the Venerable of Empty Words and Black Water. Please, someone, help this guy…

The Wind in the Willows

Another classic I had never read that I decided to pick up. It was excellent, I can see why it’s stayed so beloved over the years. Though I love a good cute-animals-in-lil-clothes-living-cute-lil-lives story, so I was an easy sell. It was much more tame than the likes of Redwall, but had a bit more going on than the likes of Brambly Hedge — it keeps you very engaged, but never raises the stakes so high that it stops feeling light and comforting. It is essentially a collection of stories that follow Mole and Rat, a pair of friends that live together on the river, through the seasons and the various misadventures they and their friends go on.

The Woman They Could Not Silence

Since I liked The Radium Girls I decided to pick up another one of Kate Moore’s books. This one follows a woman who was intentionally committed to an insane asylum by her husband, purely because she was intelligent and outspoken, refusing to be cowed to his opinions or beliefs. This story details her time in the insane asylum, the abuses that the patients suffered, and how she came to fight the laws that allowed for such abuses to be perpetuated in the first place. A fascinating read about a historical figure I had never heard about before.

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landoflustfulladies · 1 year ago

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Brief late night ramble of the systems around Constructs in a setting I’m working on.

At the “bottom” of the list is Class C Constructs, basic automatons that can parse literal orders but have no real room to interpret or adapt. Think the animated mops from Sorcerer’s Apprentice, or, well, a modern computer. These are completely legal to own and don’t require any kind of license, being rather clear cut “not alive”.

Next up is Class B Constructs. These actually can interpret and adapt within the bounds of their orders. You give them a general task, and they will fulfill it to the best of their ability. However, they lack a will of their own, and will simply sit around when not acting under any orders. These are legal but heavily regulated. Ownership of Class B Constructs requires a license, and all such constructs must be registered with the relevant authorities and are subject to annual inspection. This is because, for reasons currently unknown, they can occasionally turn into Class A Constructs.

Class A Constructs are people. Full stop, they are regarded as people in the eyes in the law, having their own will and desires. Some of them might think differently from normal people, but make no mistake, they are thinking, sentient beings. Ownership of a Class A Construct is slavery and illegal, hence the regular inspection of Class B Constructs to make sure they haven’t awakened accidentally. It is actually possible to make a Class A Construct on purpose, but few people do as while their creation is legal, again, ownership of one is not, and they must be set free immediately (though you can absolutely hire one that you made, which is a frequent practice if a useful Class B awakens.)

There is one grey area with the laws surrounding Class A Constructs: there is no legal rule about creating a Class A Construct and designing in preferences, a default personality, or any other such leanings. Full mental blocks result in either a Class B classification (if they’re sufficient that the construct can no longer think at all) or else as a means of forcible enslavement (at which point you are going to Jail if you get caught). You can absolutely build a Class A Construct that likes you, and will actively want to help you, but it still has the same legal protections against abuse as a person. While they’re generally more capable than a Class B Construct, this is still enough of a pain in the ass that most people don’t bother, but it’s not unheard of to craft a Perfect Employee. As sentient beings, they’re also capable of changing their minds and seeking other ways to do what they want, so poor treatment means you’ll likely end up wasting a lot of resources when it just up and leaves.

All this spawned because I made a golem girl who started life as a library assistant before awakening into a Class A and moving away.

#Boy I really stretched the word brief there huh?

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runekeepershymnal · 2 years ago

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Physical aspects of a dream life that is probably (certainly) not practically possible under capitalism without winning the lottery (either birth or the kind with the little pieces of paper) but which are not outside the realms of physics / current technology:

A house with an ADA fully accessible outbuilding with a bathroom, also ADA and fully accessible, with several UV enhanced air filter running. (My partner has OCD and a pretty significant fear of germs/contaminants)

Several functioning, self-cleaning litterboxes (who likes cleaning the litterbox?)

A house big enough for my partner and I to both have an office and a bedroom (we can’t share a bed due to my RLS, we keep different hours, he is an extremely light sleeper)

Ideally, a garage or shed for stinky crafts (gotta keep it ventilated)

A kitchen with counters big enough for a mixer and a multi-cooker to be on it at the same time (my joints are getting worse as I age and both are pretty heavy)

A greenhouse or sunroom (I would love to grow more of our own food, and while my spouse has light sensitivity issues, the cats love it, and I need to bask every now and then)

Enough space for raised garden beds (more growing some of own food)

Excellent, reliable wifi and power, preferably with some solar (we both telecommute and spend a lot of time communicating with friends far away)

Quiet, with trees, preferably set far enough away from neighbors so that we don’t have to hear each other (my spouse has misophonia)

A stream, a creek, a pond, a lake. Some body of water (we’ve had it before at rentals and apartments, and listening to spring peepers is a joy)

Good insurance (pet insurance, too - just another capitalist dystopia necessity when you’re disabled / crazy [I will describe myself however I want, fuck off], or just straight up mortal and human and capable of catching diseases)

Within a reasonable drive to either a city where I can actually work or a train station where I can do the same (I want to do something in academia or libraries or archives or museums or theater or a non-profit that actually helps people, or or or…)

Friends with either no or grown children, or access to childcare (we are not great with small kids, our pets are not good with kids, but we love our friends and family who do have kids)

A setup in the outbuilding where there can be video conferencing so that we can play RPGs either in person or with friends who can’t be there due to distance or disability - (we definitely get it on the disability side)

Enough money to pay our bills and set enough aside for an emergency (dreams should not include emergencies, but life is life and a contingency is a contingency)

Wardrobes large enough to embrace and explore the aesthetic side of our gender fuckery

Legal weed to help with chronic pain / anxiety issues

A way to protect ourselves and people we care about if things really go to shit

I’m privileged to have what we have. To be able to make rent, to not have bombs dropping on us, to be able to get access to some, if not all, of the healthcare I need most of the time. (Please don’t think that I’m ungrateful for what I’ve got, or that I’m not aware that there are people who aren’t even getting those basic needs met.) But despite all that, we are kind of isolated due to my spouse’s disabilities.

We’re coming to figure out some of our stuff later in life. He’s got one rare condition for which there isn’t currently any treatment, and that condition make it really difficult to go out and get treatment for the other ones. It makes it difficult and painful to go out or be away from our apartment most of the time. It wouldn’t be fair to ask other people to come to us all the time, especially if their disabilities and needs also limit where they can go and for how long, but having a place that was actually ours would make it easier for us to make it easier on them.

The more isolated we get, the harder it seems to be to break the cycle. So… I just wanted to write out the dream life that might make it better, or more possible, to break it.

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zelkiff · 5 months ago

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it’s so interesting because i’m only 18 and i felt the shift. when i was around 13 me and my friends could hang out in shop plazas we lived by, in and outside of the library, walk around each other’s neighborhoods etc. and now? those shop plazas have age restrictions (16+), same with the library and the one that doesn’t, they will follow you around (i’ve been there by myself just to check out a book and i was followed and treated poorly and like i had some weird intent about.. checking out a book…at the library..) my friends who live in the nicer neighborhoods or have older/angry neighbors said they also can’t walk around without someone complaining, watching or the actual neighborhood having restrictions on the parks or pool inside the neighborhood. this is all the walkable places i can think of, if you don’t have a car or license you’re fucked because the majority of places in the us (where i feel these restrictions are more tight, i 1000% could be wrong) are not walkable at all. i can’t go to my local grocery store or park without having to walk miles or on dangerous pathways. teenagers do not want to go through the hassle of having to figure out a ride, either someone older or convince a friend for one, most teens that drive ask for gas money, go to a place only to be treated like you don’t belong there, not have money to go anywhere else. places like the movies, parks even, malls etc are stupid expensive or crowed now. going to someone’s house is often filled with boredom or just you sometimes wanna hang out outside a house. the average teenage hangout is usually hanging out in someone’s driveway or in a random parking lot. the weird hate and honestly discrimination on teenagers is wild, obviously i’m still a teenager at 18 but the switch people do when they hear you’re a “legal adult” and not like 16 is insane. i’m automatically treated like i’m more competent, and even then i think for me it’s usually because i’m stupid mature for my age and my lifestyle is more of an adults then a teenagers. adults seem to respect that more which is so stupid. vent over, basically yes exactly, teenagers have no places to hangout and get shit on when they do go out in groups together

#twitter #teenagers #i dont know how to tag this #walkable cities

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ideal-girl · 9 months ago

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Rhe Links are like this because I accidentally deleted this several times over and I got tired of linking them correctly.

Now about the topics of retributive and restorative Justice. Well more like, more EXACTLY rambling.

On the original (I guess the now private) post, I believe you mentioned your disdain for someone suggesting that Israel should face restorative Justice instead of retributive Justice. Instead of leaving the response there, I decided to make a separate one because that post was too long and I’m mixed about retributive Justice in by itself and I rather Israel not be the focus on this post.

Now I think I can get why “Retributive Justice” is a favored concept. I mean for the past years there’s been a surge of politicians who’s trying to make life a living hell for LGBT people; such as forbidding talk in school about sexual orientation, trying to ban drag shows, even trying to get To Kill a Mockingbird banned from libraries, and making stupid “educational videos” where they basically say “Slavery wasn’t a terrible thing kids!” So of course it would be hugely entertaining so watch those kind of people get their just desserts.

The problem is that “retributive Justice” can very easily be a pipeline into some either misaimed, toxic, or even wicked beliefs. For starters well basically it’s punishment. And punishment can in many instances, be equivalent to suffering. And it’s believed in society that suffering is a good thing, that one could only be greater better through suffering, that it teaches one how to be a good person. Which is not always true.

I’ve seen this already with fictional characters, as more than a handful of people believe that Catra and Azula, both victims of abuse since childhood, should have suffered more than they already had by their respective series, despite the fact that Catra’s whole arc was that she kept putting herself in a cycle of self-punishment and suffering due to her bad actions and the latter gets locked up in a mental institution by the end. Not to mention wishing they could have suffered more contradicts some of the themes in those shows. I’ve seen a “funny” RWBY fan skit where the villain Adam Taurus gets one of his eyes branded using the logo of a mining factory company in what was supposed to be a “badass” moment. The same mining company which forced him to slavery since childhood and already branded one of his eyes, which is implied to be a strong reason why he ended up a terrible person.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/jkzgxe/some_thoughts_on_catras_redemption_for_the_all/

It’s something that affects real life. There’s this weird incident that’s not really about punishment but it is about suffering sorta. Sydney Sweeney recounted working a brief stint as a tour guide for that tram ride in Universal Studios Hollywood to make ends meet for her struggling family as they were poor and some weird entitled Tiktoker tried to claim she was lying because apparently becoming a Universal tour guide was this “notoriously difficult” position that “not everybody could get into”, and apparently a bandwagon of people hopped up trying to say that she actually had a cushy life as if struggling and suffering is the key to being a good person.

ever heard of Jasmine Richardson? She’s a Canadian killer who murdered her own parents and younger brother along with a boyfriend accomplice. She was incarcerated for 10 years, and then afterward once she served her time, the legal system cleared her criminal history and she walks free now. By all means, this sounds like a real life pure evil character and a misjudgment… except if you know that Jasmine was 12 years old when she did this. And the boyfriend character was a 23 year old man. Medical professionals confirmed that she did appear to be truly rehabilitated upon her release. The comments don’t care, they say that this person who was a manipulated child groomed by a older man is a utter monster who does not deserve a chance and should instead be locked up for life in prison or at least publicly shamed.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2hfMn2maU8o&pp=ygUSSmFzbWluZSByaWNoYXJkc29u

Speaking of prisons actually, have you ever heard about the prison system in Norway? Originally they built prisons similar to that of the US however due to the fact that prisoners released kept recommitting crimes two years of their release Norway decided to take a new approach. They focused on “Restorative Justice”, treating their prisoners (even the crueler ones) like ordinary people with more humane conditions to make it so they can reintegrate into society easier, some have even got a better chance of getting employed afterwards. It seems to be working pretty well for them, as their recidivism rate is one of the lowest in the world. Compare that to the more “retributive” US prison system where often prisoners are treated subhuman and it’s nigh impossible for anyone to hire them afterwards, and of course the high recidivism. And the US may not be the worst in that regards! What do you think about the Norway prison system?

https://ultranos.tumblr.com/post/645435392662929408/sits-down-and-brews-chrysanthemum-tea-atla

Here’s a choice quote from this blog post that got me thinking: “This has told me that the very basis of the US justice system is flawed. That people are focused on the “retribution” part of retributive justice, they’re focused on vengeance. Not mercy. Not the humanity of the victim and perpetrator.”

Another post I’ve recently found that got me thinking is this which points out that the thing is, people like Qanon, racists, anti-abortionists, corrupt governments like America, Israel and North Korea do believe that they are the good guys and that their acts of violence or whatever are their form of Justice. Sure those are more obviously evil motives, but the fact is those still function on the same motive on “retribution” which can turn into a pipeline to more reckless thoughts.

(I was toying with the idea of doing a Mandy story with this theme; but the problem is that it would be a big Author tract and I usually design the stories to be open to interpretation so I don’t know if I should send it)

There’s this great story of the George Perez Wonder Woman comic series that dealt with this matter, better than a mediocre episode of Justice League which tried to deal with a similar theme. The story was that there was this island much like Themyscira, except that its inhabitants came to be through a violent revolution where most of the men died. Despite banning men from coming to the island, the argonaut Jason and his crew came into the island, seducing the women which resulted in many offspring. However Jason and the crew abandoned them, and the islanders took ”justice” by slaughtering all the remaining men (mostly infants) including the Queen’s own father and son and banishing her and her daughter. In the end, it was revealed that because it was a ”paradise” brought by prejudice and violence, and with no one left to fight now that all the men were dead, the women turned their anger towards and slaughtered each other, the society collapsed. Maybe you can use it as an allegory for something in real life, IDK. But the Themyscira shown in that same series as ruled by Hippolyta and Diana did not suffer from this problem as they chose a more peaceful approach (in fact, any instances of writers portraying a more flawed version of Wonder Woman’s homeworld usually go use Amazon stereotypes, and those tend to be poorly written)

https://unbidden-yidden.tumblr.com/post/733640314679689216/there-are-two-related-things-ive-noticed-coming

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years ago

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20 March 2023 3:28 pmpdt Monday

In this world do bad boys get to have more fun than the bad girls? 3:29 pmpdt &young women are punished for things the incubus made us do? But guys have an excuse Bcz it’s natural so we should forgive? Bcz we are held hostage Bcz all guys are naturally heinous? 3:32 pmpdt makes sense I guess. 3:32 pmpdt

so incubus rolled back roe vs wade, prop 8 will most probably face more legal battles Bcz the world will never be different. It will give the younger generations some things to do. A futile attempt to make the world a better place. Bcz if there are always people who want to prejudge someone or they’re completely heinous in secret then it seems like why pass laws when people are not genuinely going to uphold the law like government & police? 3:39 pmpdt

3:43 pmpdt my youngest sister once said infront of me that I’m “well read.” What does that mean? I have not looked it up & I did not ask for explanation. I had difficulty reading text books usually. I don’t recall finishing any assigned text reading without running out of time for something, in high school I had to keep working before classes, during breaks & lunch time. A lot of times I didn’t finish. 3:48 pmpdt I read whatever fiction books we had. When it’s free reading choice stuff you’re not really given much testing for comprehension. 3:50 pmpdt English teachers focus on grammar. My hotel neighbor is noisy. 3:52 pmpdt incubus/miñion is still burning my bag with acid. I think I did all the 4 guys too many favors for very little in return, except for the first one. I think I did them favors having access to my vag without marriage vows/oaths. Men usually feel more pleasure than women do during s*x. I was basically numb when Scott inserted himself without condom. But he seemed extremely pleased doing a happy touch down dance. I think he’s extremely ungrateful & heinous. 3:56 pmpdt

3:57 pmpdt pain vag. My Myers brigs first test results told me I’m an introvert. & librarian came up as a suggested career choice. Eventually this seemed like the best option. I thought I enjoyed helping people find books in the campus book store as a temporary employee & I would be surrounded by many reading options to satisfy my curiosity & play catch up on all the reading assignments I failed to finish for school. 4:01 pmpdt I even applied twice to be a library page at the public library near my community college. But it seemed I was doomed to never reach the goal of becoming a librarian Bcz there was no bachelor degree at the time for library information science. Only masters. So I thought ok I will do art major. Bcz it didn’t matter the bachelor major to go into the masters program. One summer, I was looking for a temporary job & I applied. But they were looking for someone permanent. I passed the test & I think they liked me that time. There was a really nice Filipino? Lady there named Lenni B. Who seemed to like me. I tried again after I graduated/walked the ceremony (but didn’t get my diploma Bcz UCB held it hostage Bcz I was stupid & applied for a Paris language program I didn’t need to graduate & I didn’t have enough money to pay it all at once.) 4:08 pmpdt she seemed to still like me but her boss didn’t. It was ironic. I could have had the job if I was going to stay home than go to UCB, & then when I was done I couldn’t have it. I was tired of going to college after the last semester of having a lot of difficulty with my eczema & infections that I took a lot of antibiotics for, & not making it to class on time a lot of the times. 4:13 pmpdt

4:16 pmpdt I want to show people how heinous incubus is Bcz he wants to hide the truth. 4:17 pmpdt

4:23 pmpdt I want to show how damaged my vag is that the incubus did to me. This shows, w/ the roll back of roe vs wade & the continued fight for prop 8, that the incubus has no intentions to make the world a better place Bcz he himself is evil wicked heinous. Maybe all people are evil. & to eradicate evil means to eradicate the human race & capitalism. 4:27 pmpdt maybe it really is not possible at all. & incubus mislead me completely last year. 4:28 pmpdt

4:28 pmpdt since the day of king Herod they killed babies. Today miscarriage happens. 4:29 pmpdt there was a baby born to my sister’s in-laws. The baby first looked like the dad & then when she was a toddler she looked like the mom. People’s faces change. 4:31 pmpdt weird. During the days of Herod maybe they knew already about which genes make a heinous person but they choose to keep them. Same sh*t over & over. 4:33 pmpdt

4:43 pmpdt why is benni blanco trying to kill himself with blowfish 🐡?????? 4:44 pmpdt spit it out blanco!

4:46 pmpdt maybe it is futile to live in this world. 4:47 pmpdt incubus & his family thinks it’s ok to mess with my mind & emotions. They think it is okay Bcz they’re all heinous. Why bother to teach me a lesson? It seems like it isn’t to teach me anything Bcz they destroyed part of my brain so how can I learn if I’m missing part of it? I guess I’m actually being made into an example then. A warning, that some people are allowed to be bad very bad & be rewarded handsomely. Like to steal something from someone else & then torture them to death if they ever try to reveal the truth. Bcz they cannot live otherwise if people knew who they really are Bcz they would really lose it all in court with a proper investigation. 4:51 pmpdt

4:52 pmpdt in a real utopia woman will never be raped, & punished for revealing it, even if she didn’t call it rape. In a real utopia woman would never be raped. In a real utopia there would be no human s*x trafficking & be drugged to be a prostitute. 4:54 pmpdt that’s what was in the movie taken with Liam neeson. 4:56 pmpdt In a real utopia woman would never be kidnapped & forced into prostitution. 4:57 pmpdt am I barking up the wrong tree? Do these women need saving? There was something I was going to write... 4:58 pmpdt incubus utopia there will always be human s*x trafficking. I know this Bcz he’s destroying me. Destroying my vag & brain & body. 4:59 pmpdt

6:22 pmpdt there were a few times I probably said “love” to Q & Ep Bcz they said it first & my mom was probably around and told me to say it back. A lot like when parents tell their young children to say “love you” to a grandparent. I don’t think I made a habit of it. I hope I didn’t. Why I cannot remember. At least I told Q to make lots of friends so that when I did leave her she would not be friendless. I think that Ep would have been more qualified to be Q’s best friend Bcz I think they hung out more & a lot of times without me. There was a Christmas once Q spent at Ep’s house & I was not invited even though I was home. 6:28 pmpdt me & Ep were not close but when Q started shutting her out to spend (acid throat pain 6:29 pmpdt) more time w/ RG, she asked me out to dinner with one more person k.o. 6:31 pmpdt she asked me out to eat it seemed to ask about Q what she should do, that she felt unwelcomed? She was starting to feel like a third wheel 6:32 pmpdt I told her maybe it’s time to hang out with different friends. The way she described the situation sounded sad for her like Q abandoned her & she was like a puppy (vag pain 6:34 pmpdt right rib front pain) shut out in the cold by her owners. She said it with different words though saying she felt alone, it seemed like a ntentional neglect of the friendship. 6:36 pmpdt after that (acid pain 6:36 anus area vag) she hung out with different people. I only remember hanging out with her one other time probably before this happened but I don’t remember. & it looked like she got a boyfriend at one point but he looked as if he was flirting with a blonde haired woman in the pictures. 6:38 pmpdt 😥6:39 pmpdt I don’t think I use the word love frequently. It’s not something I take lightly. 6:40 pmpdt I don’t appreciate incubus messing with my feelings. Bcz after he said that & b4 he said that I did wish for something romantic to come true. If in reality I adored him, then sure it sounds like a fantastic reality. But it looks now like that’s not going to happen. 6:42 pmpdt I can’t believe he would go this far to destroy me & drag it on this long if it were true. 6:43 pmpdt 6:44 pmpdt

6:45 pmpdt murdaugh looks like he is treated better by god than me. He gets to keep his bones. He is so tall. 6:47 pmpdt in France I think the legal age to drink is 16 years old. 6:48 pmpdt

6:59 pmpdt 7 pmpdt I told Q that Ep came to me after I think probably after she told me that RG & her broke up? & her response Was like oh no! She should have told me! 7:02 pmpdt feels a little like Q was a really good actor. 7:03 pmpdt

7:04 pmpdt it’s okay if her feelings changed & she started feeling like she was closer to someone else. But if she was, Idk, stealing art ideas & getting credits for it that I should have, that’s different. & discouraging me from reconnecting with old friends Bcz she was planning to get rid of me, that’s different. I suspect some things Bcz around 2014 apple had some stuff in their products graphics that were the same colors as my pictures & also the fighting? Fish looked similar to my goldfish picture that she highly likely saw Bcz it was in a website that we both uploaded pictures to & she commented on. 7:10 pmpdt (acid throat pain)

7:11 pmpdt I think it’s too much of a coincidence. Q likes photography & photoshop & worked for apple for years. 7:12 pmpdt

8:57 pmpdt incubus miñion? I think is trying to tell me without using his own voice that he wants me to talk again what I already wrote about several posts ago. I think he wants me to retract what I wrote. I think I wrote that my thoughts were mysteriously switching back & forth until I touched the kid with the tricycle who was also on a tricycle. Incubus miñion? Keeps on acidically eating my v*agina. 😖😭 I thought about stopping but I kept on going after pausing in every other alternate if thought. The other thought which kept me going was that I needed to stretch my legs, but the bad part was I felt that I wanted to hit that kid. I think deep down the real me didn’t want that. I made contact with him what felt & seemed like in slow motion. I’m not even sure what made him cry & dismount the tricycle & be in the floor. It doesn’t make sense to me unless it was his funny bone. The bone that feels like even the smallest hit it would feel painful. But I don’t think it was his funny bone. He was a brown skinned boy. I never met him before. I was friends with brown skinned people. I didn’t see him do anything than pedal that tricycle. There was no reason to motivate me to hit him. Usually when I feel angry to do something it’s always? When someone hurts me in some way. 9:10 pmpdt

9:13 pmpdt it doesn’t make sense for me to have felt that way when I did. After I did it & ran away I felt a lot of shame & I think I remember feeling bad about it & scared to go back to that place. I accidentally drove to the place, infront of it. Even though I was avoiding it!! And then this thought? Or head voice in my mind said in that moment “he’s going to be ok.” & then I drove away. Incubus said through autocorrect something like: true self? I think he’s trying to make me think that’s the real me who would have feelings like that to want to hit a boy about probably 8 years old? On a tricycle with a tricycle. He wants me to think I’m that bad. 9:20 pmpdt throat acid pain. I don’t usually sit at home thinking I want to hit a kid with a tricycle. I didn’t make any plans ahead of time to be there and ride a tricycle. It was a spontaneous decision. & a lot of people were around to witness it. One even strangely yelled at me to “run!” 9:22 pmpdt maybe he knows something I don’t???? 9:23 pmpdt I even stay at home a lot thinking about staying out of more future troubles. Z <— did the incubus miñion make me typed “Z”?????? Incubus! What are you trying to do to me? That’s not funny. Nothing you do is funny. 9:26 pmpdt heinous creep.

11 pmpdt the stretching part which was to pedal, comes from around the time my mom’s friend’s husband was trying to teach me to ride a bicycle with out training wheels. He said that people are meant to stretch their legs when they pedal. He maybe said it was going exercise. 11:03 pmpdt

11:24 pmpdt *good exercise not going exercise.

11:59 pmpdt I should clarify that me & Q & Ep hung out together a lot. But while we did that I was more comfortable with Q than Ep. I tried to like Ep but my feelings wouldn’t let me at the time. It he one time I remembered hanging out with only Ep I think I really enjoyed it. Maybe I m not sure why. Maybe Bcz she’s not perfect? Like she did have the tendency to use the word bitch. & she called me it 2xs at least. But maybe Idk more relaxed that one time? Maybe Bcz I wasn’t trying too hard to be perfectly nice & adoring to her before that? Like one time she was walking next to me & then I left her side to walk next to Q. & there was a time she didn’t invite me to a dinner Q was invited to. Maybe Ep was more real than Q? Idk. Mayb I didn’t feel pressured/or to expect myself to be perfect around her? I think I did try to be nice to her but maybe I didn’t feel.. idk. I bought her a smoothie at the mall to repay her for the day & picking me up. And then that was it. It was a very short friendship. One day that I felt like maybe I liked her. & I think she got enough hints from my body language that I wasn’t there yet. 12:10 am pdt she called me a bitch when I pointed up towards the ceiling in the parking garage - I m not sure if it was a misunderstanding created by the previous stuff Bcz I maybe wasn’t trying to be a bitch in the parking garage but it came off that way. & the other time I had wanted to go to Applebee’s Bcz I saw a commercial but Q said she didn’t want to go there Bcz if her ex boyfriend usually went there & Q seemed sad about it. This ex boyfriend of Q’s, my little cousin said he was ugly when she saw his picture with her that me or my sister took at the park. I never saw Q kiss him, but I did see Q jump in his back to make him carry her. He usually picked her up Bcz Q didn’t get her drivers license I think until after they broke up? & Q told me after they broke up that he usually talked about a Kayla. Which I think he started dating soon after they broke up. I don’t know when he & Q started dating but he seemed to suddenly make an appearance after I started dating my first boyfriend. There was a time she hung out with us & she seemed maybe single at the time? I dont recall her saying she had (left eye pain 12:19 am pdt) a boyfriend (vag acid? Pain tummy upset diarrhea?? 12:20 am pdt 🌫<- what’s that?🐒💨) at that time. 12:21 am pdt her boyfriend was Asian. 12:22 am pdt

1:42 am pdt I told my aunt we had to move her tall filing cabinet 🗄 vag acid pain! 1:43 am pdt Bcz it’s not feng shui. All she said was I trust in god & she had put the Virgin Mary modern painting 🖼 on top of it. Yeah she trusts Bcz it was more likely to fall on my mom in her sleep 🛌 than her. Heinous backstabbing b*tch. Her excuse for anything? To do what god says so she gets into heaven. 1:46 am pdt same god as all the medical 🏥 professionals Bcz she was a pharmacist 👩‍⚕️. & police 👮‍♂️ who omit searching sheds in the backyard of a s*xoffender. I told her that directly & her response was I trust god. Her mattress was stacked higher than my mom’s bed 🛌. 1:48 pmpdt

2:04 am pdt when she first got it I think I remember telling it asking her if she was going to bolt it to wall. I maybe even suggested her returning it & getting a shorter one? Now I don’t remember. 2:06 am pdt nausea tummy ache 😖😖😭😭2:07 am pdt 🥵 sharp pain!

3:26 am pdt incubus only virtue signals and the politicians/judges does what he says such as rolling back roe versus wade. He never meant what you think 💭 he meant or what you hope he meant. Adam Noah Levine posts men should not make laws about women’s bodies but those who are listening 👂 to his commands took that to mean no abortion rights. Bcz roe vs wade was made into law to give women rights. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ roe or wade, but if they’re both men... idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess I will have to look it up 🆙 & who the judge was. 3:32 am pdt maybe 🤔 I’m jumping to conclusions. 3:32 am pdt

3:33 am pdt he posted may 4th, 2022. Stuff started happening end of 2021? If incubus is god, and for a weird reason they decided to do that out of the blue? 3:35 am pdt who do you think made it happen? Incubus is trying to save his own face. 3:35 am pdt he’s not women’s friend at all. Not a friendly unicorn 🦄. 3:36 am pdt

3:37 am pdt I think 💭 you’re all gas ⛽️ lighting yourselves into thinking 💭 he’s an angel 😇. 3:38 am pdt

4:07 am pdt incubus, you shouldn’t hold against me what happened between me & Scott after he bit me. I wasn’t thinking straight. 4:07 am pdt

4:09 am pdt I already told my sister that I thought 💭 I fell in love with josh. & I tried to tell Scott that I didn’t feel that way about him. How did I get so distracted to not put the pieces together in that moment? How did I forget easily? I think 🤔 my own inner dialogue distracted me? I think 🤔 I was so into trying to figure out what I wanted that I didn’t fully realize it? And or I easily forgot? It would make sense if Scott relied on the incubus to manipulate my memory/mind. That Scott followed a script given to him by the incubus. If Scott knew he could manipulate my memory, he probably relied on incubus to erase or alter specific memory to bend it into his favor. With out being something sincere about the more gentlemanly stuff like asking me about the condom, & if we had that experience in the car 🚗 with almost having s*x b4 that like I think/figure was the chronology Bcz of other memory I had, then he could pretend that I didn’t say/ask him if he is ready for little Scotty feet 🦶 [babies] 4:21 am pdt so he can make the excuse that I was a whore he fell for, Bcz he didn’t answer me. Which would have drawn a hard line on the ground of what was not allowed 🚫 which would have made taking off my clothing off limits. I wasn’t ready. I did not have a high paying 💰 job. He didn’t either to my knowledge. He was only selling bonsai trees 🌳 at someone’s business, not his own & living at his parents house 🏠 like a kid, doing whatever he wanted. He mentioned no educational goals plans etc. he liked the history channel. All I knew. But he seemed smart at one time saying something that I didn’t realize. 4:27 am pdt he smoked cigarettes 🚬 & weed. & he said stuff that made it sound like he drank alcohol 🍷 all the time with his friends. Said stuff like jack Daniel’s is a baller drink. Whatever that means. 4:29 am pdt

9:16 am pdt incubus is still eating 🍽 away my vag with acid 😞😖😭😰acid throat pain. Left hip joint pain 9:18 am pdt clock ⏰ skipped a minute. “Brendan” said he wanted to eat me out. Melissa Cuen wrote that I was a cyber slut? In a notebook under a picture of my back in high school 🏫 but I don’t think she knew who Bcz we were not close. 9:21 am pdt “Brendan” said his birthday 🥳 is June 16. 9:22 am pdt

9:25 am pdt on prom night I forget which year, might have been 2002 or 2003 at the double tree 🌳 hotel 🏨 she arrived talking I think 🤔 in a New York accent. Which is not her real accent. I wasn’t paying 100% attention but for some reason I catch her saying ADAM in a very enthusiastic 🤩 & bubbly way and my attention? strangely drops. I think 🤔 I maybe wanted to pay attention but I don’t hear 👂 what she said after ADAM. I think 🤔 the incubus was controlling me so I stopped paying attention to her. It’s strange. Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ how to explain it otherwise. 9:31 am pdt

11:13 am pdt incubus looks like he is in Las Vegas now? I did not expect things to stretch out for this long. Suddenly I am worried about Courtney wood ? Woods? Who I think 🤔 Scott dated after me who was I think 🤔 not yet graduated from high school 🏫 when they started dating. Some people will probably say it’s none of my business & it’s okay he started dating a high school 🏫 student back in 2010. & that they were probably f^cking Bcz she called him mr. big on his Facebook wall. They probably broke up 🆙 not long after that. Pain accidentally scratched a pimple 11:18 am pdt. I got a pimple there even though I shampooed everyday the last 3-4 days. Incubus causes pimples. 11:20 acid vag pain😰 heinous b*tch. I guess there is something wrong with Scott genetically Bcz he goes for high school 🏫 girls in 2010 & the incubus does not want it broadcasted Bcz there’s something genetically wrong 😑 with the incubus and all his miñions. That they all want younger girls to f*ck which is why they’re okay with stuff happening to Jon Benet Ramsey Elizabeth smart? Jaycee dugard and more. Heinous creeps. 11:23 pmpdt

11:30 am pdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think 🤔 if you’re serious about finding someone right for you you care enough to hold it if you don’t have addiction problems. & you stay away from temptations. He was smart. But he didn’t advance in school 🏫 it seemed Bcz in 2010 he brought up finally that he wanted to transfer to UCB. After I already went. He basically stayed employed in a pizza 🍕 place who employed high school 🏫 students. He put himself in a place of temptation. 11:33 am pdt if a guy is serious 🧐 about marriage I would think 🤔 that he would try not to eff it up with premature s*x especially when you’re 25 years old and probably dating someone 7 years younger. But if you get to f*ckg b4 marriage with someone as young as 17/18 years old and you only met a few months ago I don’t think he’s being honest with anyone about his intentions after saying it wasn’t his fault he fell for a whore when he never had intentions of even liking me, & he asked to kiss me after only a few times of hanging out one on one. Hanging out with Scott one on one is bad for anyone’s health Bcz he’s best friends with incubus like Nick carter & Justin Timberlake. 11:41 am pdt

11:45 am pdt after I think 🤔 the first time making out w/ Scott, the next time we hung out, Jorge was driving us home 🏠. I think I remember I didn’t want to continue making out. I needed to slow it down. I think I remember I wanted to be dropped off home 🏠 first, b4 Scott? I didn’t want to be alone with him Bcz I thought 💭 it would happen again. But some how I went back to hanging out with him alone & became addicted Bcz it was the first time (vag pain 11:50 left shin pain) The kisses �� were good. I am not sure anymore, maybe 🤔 I felt some thing throat acid? Pain when I sneezed 🤧 11:52 am pdt. It’s difficult to remember and I’ve only kissed 4 people when I became an adult. I randomly did one time kisses 💋 when I was a little & preteen? But no make out sessions until I was 19 years old. Pain head 11:55 am pdt. Did I feel something more w/ Scott when we kissed 💋 ? 11:57 am pdt

12:05 pmpdt there were only 3 men that I vag acid pain 12:05 12:06 pmpdt I thought 💭 I fell in love with 😍. But I was in and out with the first one but he rejected 🙅‍♂️ me first several? Times b4 I rejected 🙅‍♀️ him. I didn’t understand why I felt what I felt when I felt it. But I figured later that he probably said things that probably killed the feelings. Like finally telling me he had been traveling to Texas to see his ex girlfriend in different words; only being good enough to finally consider for marriage Bcz I was transferring to UCB which was #1 public university at the time according to a student 👨‍🎓 who called me to congratulate me for being accepted probably to help the university 12:13 pmpdt. It seemed to not matter that I was feeling I thought 💭 feelings of being in love 😻 12:14 pmpdt

12:20 pmpdt incubus is a fraud. He only seeks to control & mislead those he abuses. He masks 🎭 his true heinousness with false promises. He is dirty and probably the dirtiest man alive. 12:22 pmpdt there is something seriously wrong with his head. It’s not death ☠️ he says when comments about dugard. That’s his opinion. A man. Who does not have a vagina. 12:23 pmpdt serious lack of empathy/sympathy for females’ pain. 12:24 pmpdt

12:25 pmpdt he is a F R A U D.

12:27 pmpdt he really should quit dating & quit marriage.

0 notes

writersarea · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 4,962 times in 2022

That's 869 more posts than 2021!

84 posts created (2%)

4,878 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@notebooks-and-laptops

@i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky

@funkyfaerie

@iwouldservehim

@seananmcguire

I tagged 172 of my posts in 2022

#tiny happiness - 12 posts

#booklr - 7 posts

#books - 7 posts

#lgbt - 7 posts

#writing - 6 posts

#ace - 5 posts

#asexual - 5 posts

#fanfic - 5 posts

#lgbtq - 4 posts

#nonbinary - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i learned in school and throughout a number of websites online where i would practice typing with games as well as chatting with friends a l

My Top Posts in 2022:

went to a virtual ace and aro meet up tonight

LOVED being able to see aces over 30 who just live very real, happy lives

95 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

Important:

If you think you are going to be eligible for the student loan cancellation and have made payments that got you under either the 10k or 20k forgiveness during the pandemic pause on payments, you can request a refund to try to take full advantage of this.

So, do it. I can imagine we all need it.

444 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

This is your reminder that if you are going to protect, do so safely.

So here are some basic rules of thumb coming from several years of protesting:

Don’t talk to the police

Write the phone number of whatever your local legal group is that is helping with the protest on your arm

Let someone know where you’re going

ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE GOING ALONE

Keep them up to date on when you get home

Have a plan to get home

Bring water, a face mask (we are still in a pandemic, and it’s good protection anyways), and a mini first aid kit if you have one

Do not wear your contacts, wear glasses. Much easier if things result in tear gas or other substances

Turn your finger print unlock off on your phone. Police can use that to get in, but they can’t make you give up your password

If you take pictures, keep them to yourself. Being identified is not always a good thing and can be really dangerous for a lot of people

Know who is organizing the event

Make a decision on where you draw the line for when to go home so that you don’t have to make that decision in the moment

These are just some basics. Feel free to add on, this is just what comes to mind right now. Stay safe, friends.

680 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

GOT A BOOK REC FOR MY ACES OUT THERE (especially my fellow white aces)

I heard about Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda Brown from tiktok, not gonna lie, and I knew I had to read it. I just finished it, and I loved it.

It has a fantastic discussion of asexuality, racism, and sexism (especially the intersection thereof). Sherronda is a wonderful writer and does a great job exploring not only their experience but discussing the history of black people’s sexuality and aceness in a way that is educational and very interesting to read.

It also has a timeline about asexuality dating back to 1855 which I have never seen one that dates back that far before. The amount of research that must have taken floors me, and I love it.

They also sprinkle in really cool tidbits throughout the book that I’m not going to spoil except for my favorite one. Apparently, ace people are 2.4-2.5 times more likely to be left handed than the general population. (And I’m a left handed ace)

I’m hoping to buy myself a copy soon so I can mark it up like I did my copy of Ace by Angela Chen. I checked this out from the library.

So go see if your local library has a copy or if you can buy a copy!

1,100 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Are you looking for a way to support the people protesting in Iran?

Zhina Amini (Reported as Mahsa Amini, her birth name) a Kurdish woman was killed earlier this month by the morality police in Iran for wearing a headscarf in what they deemed to be an improper manner. Protests have since broken out across the country and a number of other Iranians have been killed since.

The internet has been shut down in many places and deaths are incredible common. The last time the Iranian government shut down the internet like this, over a thousand people died.

So what can you do?

Share Iranian people’s words and news about what is going on.

Recognize that this is not about Islam but about a tyrannical government (so don’t use this as an excuse to be Islamophobic). These people need our support, not our commentary.

Help support Iranians gain access to proxies through apps like the Tor Project’s Project Snowflake. This will pair you, who is likely in a safer country (I say as someone in the US who assumes much of following is in North America or Europe), with an Iranian person trying to access the internet as long as you are online. This is a really simple step you can take to help Iranians connect to the outside world so they can use their voices and let loved ones know they are alive.

1,891 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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quonit37 · 2 years ago

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Clip Studio Paint is Moving to Subscription, so...

I think now is a good as time as ever to tell people about the best art program that you’ve never heard of.

Sketchbook Pro was previously owned by Autodesk, who supported it for years before selling it to another company that only gave out the free crap version of the program. For years, there was no legal way to obtain the Pro versions. But recently, the original developers rebought the program and are once again actively supporting it and giving it updates and frequent blog posts!

Lets start with this image:

Every single component can be moved around. The bar at the top, the layer menu, the toolbar, the color picker, EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON SCREEN CAN BE MOVED. And also closed.

The top bar has most major tools artists need, giant red and green undo buttons so that it’s actually faster to tap those than reach for Ctrl + Z on a keyboard.

Magnifying Glass

The magnifying glass is the BEST MOVEMENT TOOL I’VE RUN INTO WITH ANY ART PROGRAM. With other art programs you get the scroll wheels on the bottom and sides of the screen that you have to individually control and a magnifying glass where you need to specifically switch between zoom in and zoom out mode, and the options to tilt the canvas are either limited or not there. Here it’s just. press. Drag. Press. Drag.

Select Tool

The select tool is basic with most of the options an artist might need or expect, all the different shape tools, a bar for the magic want to increase how intense it is, the option to add more to your selection or remove parts, an invert button, and the deselect buttons.

Cropping

The cropping tool automatically fits around your selection, which can be useful if you’re trying to make things like emojis where you want as little free space as possible. All of the edges and corners can be dragged, there are options to type in your own numbers, and the link bar to make it so your cropping stays the same shape when you move it, and the cancel and accept buttons.

Move Tool

The move tool is very similar to the magnifying glass, with the same method of movement and zooming and tilting. The move tool has extra things though like easy stretching, and if you have something selected it automatically tries to move that.

Transform Tool

The transform tool has a lot of options you can see in the gif. The circle in the middle makes it so you can move stuff in the middle.

Lagoon

Every single one of the options here is drag and drop. There are a total of 50 things you can just drag and drop for, and they are all assignable. You can customize putting any function in those 50 drag and drop slots. I highly recommend putting the flip canvas/flip layer options in there (there are vertical options as well!)

Layer Menu

The layers are as excellently straightforward as everything else in the program. Multiple one or two tap ways to do everything you need.

New layer? tap the + button, or drag up on the layer you want a new one on top of.

Want to delete a layer? drag.

Want to hide a layer? tap or drag.

Want a lower opacity? drag in either two areas.

And the layer menu is large enough you can actually SEE what’s on the layer! It’s not microscopic in some hidden corner!

Toolbar

The tools are highly customizable, have large icons, there are LARGE downloadable libraries of custom ones (that you don’t even need to leave the program to some website to download), and it’s really simple to make anything you want in here.

I’ll make a separate post of the tools I’ve made + a download. Here’s a link to that post

Color/Brush Pucks

There are two pucks, the color and brush puck. They are both drag and drop.

With the brush puck, drag left or right for a smaller or bigger brush, and up or down for a lower or higher opacity.

With the color puck, drag left or right for more saturated or more de saturated colors, or up and down for lighter or darker colors.

You can also tap the color puck for a more limited color menu! The eraser button makes your brush go invisible. Which. Is so helpful. You can erase with any tool.

You can access the same limited color menu from the layer menu’s background button.

Color Editor

Extensive color wheel

optional pallet for you to save colors to

the eraser and eyedropper tool

an option to put in numbers if you like

a randomize option which is VERY VERY CUSTOMIZABLE and I use it for so many drawings (particularly pictures of space)

Paint Bucket

The paint bucket will color what you tap it on, or fill a selection if you have one.

It has a flat fill, two different gradient options.

When you have a gradient, the color puck gets a new menu for saving gradients to

Every single color is editable and movable. You can drag it.

Option to reverse the direction the gradient is going

a strength meter

an option for it to see other layers or just the one it’s on

Text

The text option is admittedly pretty limited, but it does its job. All the fonts are just the ones you have installed in windows

RULER AND CIRCLE TOOLS

many movement options

I have no idea what the use of the french curve is but it’s also there and similar

Perspective Tools

There is a robust perspective system but I don’t know it well enough to explain it. someone who actually uses these tools can lol

Symmetry Tool

Can be moved easily

Has option for cutting the screen horizontally rather than vertically

option for both at the same time

option to be able to go over the lines or not

option to hide it

option to stop yourself from moving it

Struggle with smooth lineart???

Steady Stroke makes it so that you drag your cursor rather than just draw, so you can get smoother lines. Easily increase how large the drag is

Predictive Stroke corrects your line after you make it, and you can change how much it tries to correct it. REALLY USEFUL FOR CIRCLES.

Conclusion

I barely even use buttons with my tablet because of how accessible this art program is. Why press undo with the button on my tablet when I can move my cursor a few inches? Why go through two different submenus to create a new layer when I can just drag upwards? Why create a mirror canvus button when I can just drag???

This art program is really obscure but I struggle to even imagine using something else. PLEASE give it a try if you’re struggling with your program and want to experiment with something else

<<FREE DOWNLOAD HERE>>

<<20 DOLLAR PURCHASE HERE>>

REBLOG TO SAVE AN ARTIST

#art help #art tutorials #clip studio paint #quo rambles #quo's tutorials

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a-queer-seminarian · 3 years ago

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so ya wanna know about autism: masterpost

I give this google doc link out to individuals a lot, and realized it might be useful for a lot of people if i shared it more widely. It’s a masterpost of a whole bunch of Autistic Stuff -- here’s the link to the actual doc, but i’ll also post it all here on tumblr (under a readmore after the table of contents).

(edit: if the hyperlinks aren’t working for you, here’s the google doc url that you can copy and paste into an internet browser to access everything: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16BqhRv4IlZ6KcElGAEZOx8sFYwRs4W1jF-ddY_XKYnE/edit?usp=sharing )

Please spread it around (including sharing the google doc link outside of tumblr wherever you want). Feel free to comment with more resources, tumblr posts, articles, etc. that you find helpful! And if any links are broken, let me know.

It can be a major challenge for adult autistic folks to find content for us and by us, because so much “official” content is 1) ableist and harmful and 2) geared towards parents of autistic children. So I’ve compiled just about every resource I’ve got that discusses autism by and for #actuallyautistic folks.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

- ORGANIZATIONS AND SELF ADVOCATES

- DEFINING AND DESCRIBING AUTISM

misc.

Metaphors and images for autism

Disability models

Issues with Functioning Labels, ideas of “Mild” - “Severe” autism

- AUTISM AND INTERSECTIONALITY

misc.

Autism among women

Autism and race

Autism and LGBTQ

- STUFF ON SELF DIAGNOSIS

misc.

Is it ADHD or Autism??

Tests / checklists

- STUFF ON PROFESSIONAL DIAGNOSIS

- AUTISTIC PRIDE / CULTURE AND HISTORY!

misc.

Autism / disability history and culture

The Neurodiversity Movement

Person first vs. identity first language

Cureism

- AUSTITIC TRAITS (BEYOND THE ONES COMMONLY DISCUSSED!)

Misc. - samefoods, lists, needing to know what to expect, etc.

Stimming

Communication stuff - misc. - Verbal/nonverbal - Infodumping - echolalia - Prosopagnosia - Aphasia - Eye contact

Special interests / hyperfixations

Auditory Processing Disorder

Sensory issues / Sensory Processing Disorder

Meltdowns and Shutdowns and Burnout

Executive function

Emotion stuff

- MASKING / PASSING / SCRIPTING

- WHY AUTISM SPEAKS AND ABA ARE SO BAD

- MISCELLANEOUS

Suicide

Allyship / for allistics - For parents of autistic persons

More non-speaking autistic self-advocates

misc.

_________________

SOME ORGANIZATIONS AND SELF ADVOCATES

ASAN!!

The Autistic Woman and Nonbinary Network

Amethyst Schaber’s “Ask and Autistic” YouTube full of videos on various autistic stuff

Lydia X.Z. Brown / Autistic Hoya

Dr. Nick Walker

Mrs. Kerima Çevik

“Non-Speaking Autistic Speaking” - Amy Sequnzia’s blog

“The thinking person’s guide to autism”

The How-To Wiki for autism is actually really helpful!

Ollibean blog .

DEFINING AND DESCRIBING AUTISM

Video: “What is autism?”

“About autism”

“What being autistic means to me”

Myths about autism .

Metaphors and images for autism - “Autism is a sundae bar” - “Autism is purple” - “Understanding the spectrum” comic - Another visual on the idea of a spectrum - And another visual on the spectrum - not an on-off switch .

Disability models - Understanding disability models - Video: models of disability discourse .

Functioning Labels, “Mild” or “Severe” autism - Article on functioning labels - “What’s wrong with functioning labels? A masterpost” - Another article on problems with functioning labels - “I don’t experience my autism mildly; you experience my autism mildly” - A non-speaking autistic who is labeled non-functioning discusses labels - “Most people would consider me low-functioning, but I hate that word” - Tweets from actual autistics on functioning labels - How the same person may be labeled low or high functioning at different times - “Mental Age Theory hurts people with disabilities” .

AUTISM AND INTERSECTIONALITY

Article on autism in communities of color + in the LGBTQ community

Autism, intersectionality, and STEM college outcomes

Articles on intersectionality on The Art of Autism .

Autism among women - A reminder about talking about differences in autism in “females” - “I thought I was lazy: the invisible struggle for autistic women” - “The women who don’t know they’re autistic” - “The gas-lighting of women and girls on the autism spectrum” .

Autism and race - “Being Autistic, Black, and Femme” - “Black and Autistic: Is there room at the advocacy table?” - “Autistic, Gifted, and Black” - “I, too, am Racialized” - Autistic Hoya on being Chinese & a transracial adoptee - Video: “Growing up BLACK in a neurotypical legal system” - The Autism Wars: Mrs. Kerima Çevik’s blog .

Autism and LGBTQ - “Autism and gender variance - is there a cause for the correlation?” - “The intersection of autism and gender” - Issues being transmasc and autistic - “Gendervague: At the intersection of Autistic and trans experiences” - “I’m an autistic lesbian and no, I don’t wish I were ‘normal’” .

STUFF ON SELF DIAGNOSIS:

A self-diagnosis masterpost!

Autistic self-dx is valid

“Reasons why self-dx is good from the pov of a professional”

Some reasons why autism may go undiagnosed

“Five reasons I am self identified as autistic”

“Beware of gatekeeping”

A masterpost of “resources for women who believe they might be autistic”

A therapist who’s never met an incorrect self-dx-er .

Is it ADHD or Autism?? - Links to information on the intersections between autism and ADHD - A list of things that are more ADHD, things that are more autism, and things that are both - Science: decoding the overlap between ADHD and autism - The concept of neurodivergent “cousins” .

Various tests / checklists: - ASD Checklist - List of inclusive autistic traits - Book: I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults .

STUFF ON PROFESSIONAL DIAGNOSIS:

Privilege in being able to get a diagnosis

Pros and cons of getting one

Someone answers the question “Was it worth it for you to get diagnosed as an adult?”

Professional diagnosis can get some people deported :/

This person’s journey from self-dx to pro-dx .

AUTISTIC PRIDE / CULTURE AND HISTORY!

The wiki how-to on accepting your autism

The wiki how-to on autistic strengths

“7 Cool Aspects of Autistic Culture”

“I’m autistic and proud of it”

“You are not a burden”

“What is self advocacy?” .

Autism / disability history and culture - Video: “Is autism a disability?” - A google drive “disability library” full of amazing content - A tumblr tag full of posts with autistic history - Book - Loud Hands: Autistic People, Speaking includes essays that explore the history of autism and of autistic self-advocacy - Book - Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity .

The Neurodiversity movement - The neurodiversity paradigm - Video: basic terms and definitions - Video: what is neurodiversity? - Liberating ourselves from the pathology paradigm .

Person first vs. identity first language (“person with autism” vs. “autistic person”) - ASAN on identity first language - Why it matters - Video: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking - Science: a study on what labels actual autistic persons prefer - An image showing the difference between person first and identity first language .

Cureism & seeking causes of autism - Video: “Autism and the disability community: the politics of neurodiversity, causation, and cure” - Video: Self advocacy in a culture of cure - An analogy against cureism - It’s okay that some autistics do want a cure - Quotes on Truth Is by Julia Bascom about not needing a cure - Cureism is eugenics - “If a cure is found, no one will force you to take it” .

AUTISTIC TRAITS (BEYOND THE ONES COMMONLY DISCUSSED!)

“Thinking about patterns of opposite extremes among autistic people” (e.g. how we tend to be sensory avoidant or sensory seeking, extremely gender conforming or extremely gender nonconforming, hyper-empathetic or hypo-empathetic)

An essay on inclusive autistic traits

This tumblr is dedicated to answering people asking about whether various things are autistic traits!

This person lists the reasons they think (know) they’re autistic; the list includes a lot of traits that often aren’t talked about

“Some autism things” .

“What are samefoods?” - “Why do autistic people tend to samefood?”

It’s okay if you don’t like certain things / avoid certain things because of your autism

Wanting/needing to know how long something will last, what to expect .

Stimming! - Video: what is stimming? - Video on self-injurious stims - Video: autobiographical look at stimming and its role - More than a coping mechanism - A masterpost of examples of various types of stimming - Video on vocal / verbal stimming - Examples of vocal stimming as communication - A tumblr blog with a tag full of examples of body stims .

Communication stuff - Trouble with volume modulation; repetition; inconsistent talking habits - Autistic idiolects - Autistic dialect? - Autistics communicate differently amongst each other! . - Verbal/nonverbal - - Selective mutism - - Semiverbal communication - - Different amounts of access to speech - - A person on being non-verbal and using AAC - - People who are nonverbal still deserve to be listened to .

Infodumping - What is infodumping?

Echolalia - “Autism and Echolalia: what you need to know” - What is echolalia? - A tumblr blog’s tag featuring examples of echolalia

Aphasia and autism

Prosopagnosia (Face blindness) - Science: a study confirming that some 67% of autistic persons have some degree of facial recognition difficulties - Science: a study offering theories for why this is!

Video: Autistics and eye contact - Science: Researchers explore why autistic people avoid eye contact

Tendency to overexplain .

Special interests / hyperfixations - Some info on hyperfixations - Video on special interests - Emphasizing the intensity of these things - “What’s so special about a special interest?” - “Why we love what we love and why it should matter to you” - Not every autistic person knows everything there is to know about their special interest - “Interest hopping” - Dividing our life into “eras” of special interests .

Auditory Processing Disorder - Examples of APD - “You might struggle with auditory processing if…” .

Sensory Processing Disorder - Video: What is sensory processing disorder? - Video: a virtual experience of what it’s like to be at a party as someone with SPD - A post about some of the weird sensory stuff that many autistics experience (such as feeling nauseated when your real issue is a headache) - Many sensory issues aren’t just annoying, but physically painful - Difficulty in explaining autistic hypersensitivities - Auditory sensory musings - Trying to describe sensory overload - Not noticing when we’re hungry - Weird tolerance for big pain, intolerance for small pain - Science: “Unseen Agony: Dismantling Autism’s house of pain” - Tumblr blog with a tag of other posts about sensory issues .

Meltdowns and Shutdowns and burnout: - Meltdowns vs. shutdowns - Video: “What are autistic meltdowns?” - Video: “What are autistic shutdowns?” - A description of meltdowns - Signs of a shutdown in autistic people - How to support someone having a shutdown - Science: “Autistic shutdown alters brain function” - How to avoid meltdowns - “Dealing with meltdowns” - “The protective gift of meltdowns” - Video on autistic burnout - Article on burnout - Science: Autistic burnout described by a researcher - An article on autistic regression (burnout) - “Help! I seem to be getting more autistic” - talks about how things like burnout, aging, new environment, being around other autistics, and more can cause this .

Executive function - Video: “What is executive functioning?” - A chart describing the different aspects of executive function - “Executive functioning problems - a frustrating aspect of being autistic” - Autistic inertia .

Emotion stuff (including empathy) - Our emotional regulation is different - Article: (some) people with autism can read emotions, feel empathy - Video on misconceptions around autism and empathy - “Double standards: The irony of empathy and autism” - Science on the “double empathy problem” involving relationships between autistics and non-autistics - Not a bad person for not having empathy - More musings on autism and empathy - “Autistic grief is not like neurotypical grief” .

Alexithymia: - Science: Overlap between autism and alexithymia - Video: what is alexithymia? - “I don’t know how I feel”

MASKING / PASSING

Video on passing

An infographic on autistic masking

Another video on masking / “hiding” in a neurotypical world

We are not obligated to mask or “act less autistic”

When you mask less and get told “you’ve been acting more autistic”

Getting called high-functioning because you mask/pass well

Scripting: - Video: what is scripting?

WHY AUTISM SPEAKS AND ABA ARE SO BAD

A guide to identifying good autism organizations (and how they can improve!)

Autism Speaks:

Some facts and statistics

An AS masterpost

Another AS masterpost

Video: What’s wrong with AS?

Video: a non-speaking autistic’s response to discussions between Autism Speaks and GRASP

“Enough with the puzzle pieces”

“I resign my roles at Autism Speaks”

“Responding to Autism Speaks” .

ABA:

Video: what’s ABA?

“Studies find thin evidence for early autism therapies”

Masterpost of why ABA is harmful

More on how ABA is abusive even if a kid “seems to like it”

An autistic describes ABA’s “quiet hands” method

And another post on how ABA is harmful

Trauma and autism

Alternatives to ABA

MISCELLANEOUS

Suicide - Video: Speaking to suicidal autistics - Science linking autism and increased suicidality - Video: “diagnosis saved my life” .

Allyship / for allistics - Video: How to be an ally - Resources for supporting autistics during Autism Acceptance month and year-round! - Autistic accessibility needs - “How to be a friend to autistic people” - 15 things you never say to an autistic person - What to say / not to say to an autistic adult - Video: what shouldn’t I say to autistic people? - Video: Things not to say to an autistic person - Video: “Isn’t everyone a bit autistic?” - Don’t talk about “mental age” - “To those who tell autistic persons ‘everyone experiences that’” - Why it’s not helpful to say “well I don’t think of you as disabled / as autistic” - How to support a loved one who’s gone temporarily nonverbal - How to support someone having a shutdown - Help reduce meltdowns in a loved one - Don’t restrain an autistic person having a meltdown - Understanding why autistics seem “so picky” - Making communication easier for your autistic friend - Avoiding ableism against AAC users - How to protect your autistic employees from ‘no script found’ situations” .

For parents of autistic persons - “Don’t Mourn for Us” - “You don’t ‘lose a child to autism’” - Advice from autistic adults on treating your autistic children with respect - A masterpost of advice for “autism parents” - It’s okay if your kid doesn’t hug you or say “I love you” - “They keep publishing these violent articles” - “When you’re autistic, abuse is considered love” - You don’t have to tell everyone who comes across you and your kid in public that your kid is autistic / you don’t have to constantly apologize for your kid! - Your kid isn’t bad / uncooperative just because they have certain differences - Don’t tell autistic adults we are “nothing like your child” - A tag full of more tumblr posts about / for “autism parents”

More non-speaking autistic self-advocates - Video: “In My Language” by Mel Baggs - Mel Baggs: “Don’t ever assume autism researchers know what they’re doing” - Lysik’an: “You don’t speak for low-functioning autistics” - Film: Deej

Autistics and the idea of “getting out of your comfort zone”

Autistics accommodate allistics far more than the other way around

It is icky when autistic persons are only valued when we’re “productive”

Parents who are themselves autistic

Autism as genetic? - Science: “Autism Genetics, Explained”

Science: links to some studies on autism and gastro-intestinal issues, autism and caffeine, autism and sleep, autism and stimming, autism and queerness, autistic strengths, and more

#actually autistic #autism masterpost #actuallyautistic #autistic stuff #autistic resources #autism resources #log #summer 2021 #ref #long post #masterpost #links

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podracerbarrelroll · 2 years ago

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How to ditch subscription music apps and build your own library (mostly) for free

This post is brought to you by the most recent update to the Amazon music app which no longer lets me, as a Prime subscriber, download individual songs or albums. I now either have to download “playlists” or pay an extra subscription fee for Amazon music unlimited. Since I was only using Amazon’s app because I didn’t have to pay anything extra, I ultimately decided not to put up with their bullshit and to go back to the old ways, e.g., building my own music library that no corporation can randomly decide to take away from me.

If you grew up in the pre-internet, burgeoning-but-not-ubiquitous-internet, or pre-smartphone era like me, the following steps will be a blast from the past, so this post is not exactly for you. It’s for Kids These Days™ who may not remember a pre-algorithm, pre-subscription service internet in the same way, or just anyone who doesn’t know you can do this. Remember, one man’s time knife is another man’s Chris Fleming.

So, how do you get music for free?

Use your public library

Check out CDs

Rip them using Windows Media Player, which comes standard with windows computers

That’s it. Now you can save and back up the .mp3 files wherever you want, and you have them forever and ever. I recently ripped music from a CD I copied and burned onto a new disc back in high school, uploaded the mp3 files to Google drive, and downloaded them onto my phone. I paid zero dollars for that, and I now have that album forever.

Ok, so how do I do that?

I’m glad you asked.

1. Insert a CD in the disc drive. (I know a lot of new laptops don’t come with a disc drive--I’ll address this later)

2. Go to the Windows start menu and find Windows Media Player. (If you have a mac, use itunes or whatever, I’m sure it’s similar)

3. Find the CD on the menu on the left-hand side of Windows Media Player. It looks like this.

4. At the top of the screen, go to “rip CD”. If you don’t want all of the songs, uncheck the ones you don’t want to rip. It should now look like this.

5. When it’s done, go to your music folder and find the artist and album. Here are the .mp3 files. You can connect your phone directly to your computer to transfer the files, or you can upload them to Google drive or your cloud storage of choice and then download them onto your phone.

6. From there, the .mp3s should load automatically and play in the music player app of your choice. I use Musicolet because it doesn’t have ads.

Is this legal? Honestly, that’s a bit of a grey area. Technically, only the copyright owners can make reproductions of their work barring exceptions for fair use, but the real trouble does not come when you copy a work, but when you redistribute it. If you save this from a hard copy to your own computer or phone, who’s ever gonna know? Basically, it’s legal enough to get away with, and legal enough that no one will care. This is how back in the pre-CD days, people recorded songs off the radio onto cassette tapes, and how my parents saved all of the James Bond movies from a TV movie marathon by recording them to VHS tapes on the VCR.

Is this ethical to the artist? It’s as ethical as checking out their CD to listen to it on a CD player and then return it. The library already purchased their music legally, and checking out the CD to rip it is literally no different than checking out the disc to play it in a CD player. The more times something has been checked out, the more likely the library is to replace it if it wears out and gets ruined.

Will the library get mad at me / figure out what I’m doing? Emphatically no. They don’t give a shit. Checking out a bunch of CDs improves their circulation rates, which is good for your local library system as a whole, because that’s something they bring to their governing bodies to show that people are still using the library and that they still need funding.

What if the library doesn’t have the album I want? You can try getting it through interlibrary loan, requesting the library purchase it (a lot of libraries have forms for that), or just buying that album yourself if you want it that badly. CDs cost roughly $10-$25 each, less if they’re used, which is the equivalent of like 1-2 months of spotify depending on what tier you use. Compare that to having the music you want forever without having to pay a monthly fee.

My laptop doesn’t have a disc drive. Neither does mine. I bought a USB disc player from Amazon for like $20. Your library might also have one they’d let you use, although they might not have ones to check out and take home.

I don’t have a computer. Your library does. They’re free to use, and I can almost guarantee they have PC desktops running Windows. They may not have a disc drive, in which case you can [see last paragraph].

This would be great if I could actually get to the library / afford a disc player / had a phone, etc. Yes, I’m assuming several things here, including that you have a phone, can get to your public library, and (if you refer to the title of this post) that you are the kind of person who can pay for spotify or another streaming app. I’m also American, and I don’t know how well all of this applies to other countries. However, this is the most affordable and most accessible solution out there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don’t have the time for this and would rather just keep paying for spotify. That’s fine, and I’m honestly not judging you. I buy a lot of pre-cut vegetables from the store because I don’t have the fucking time to peel and chop carrots. My mom would say that’s a waste of money, but I’m paying for the convenience.

Lol I’m just gonna pirate shit. Cool, have fun. Just please keep your pirating to mega-rich artists who are already set for life and not struggling people putting their shit out on soundcloud, ok?

How do I get new music recs without suggestions? Listen to the radio. Look up music you hear in movie soundtracks. Get recs from friends. Go to YouTube (using ublock origin for Firefox so you don’t get ads) and use their algorithm. There are ways beyond the personalized playlist spotify gives you.

This seems like it takes a lot of time and effort. If you have no music to begin with, yeah, then it’s going to take some time to build your library. But, as I keep saying, the benefits are that you get to curate your own experience and that you get to have this music forever. Once you already have most of what you want set up, it’s going to take a lot less effort to add new albums or songs here and there as you discover them. In this modern hellscape of profit-seeking and algorithms, I will keep peddling the value of curating your own experience and getting shit for free.

#music #libraries #spotify #algorithms

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