#it’s a 10k notes kinda post in my heart

[rosethrorn]

Hold on, babe. I gotta nail us down for the night.

*Cuddles up to you and puts my 20-pound weighted blanket on top of us so neither of us want to move*

[giveafike]

kinda obsessed with the prompt of ben x fem tennis reader being together for a lil while and being the cutest couple , breaking up bc the distance hit them too hard after two straight months of different tournaments/locations, then seeing each other for the first time at a 1000 tournament, going out to dinner with the same group of people and end up going back to bens hotel room to clear the air and obvs end up in bed together realising they’re gonna have to get thru the distance cos they can’t be without each other now 😭

TLDR: tennisplayerfem!reader and ben break up bc you can't handle being away and then surprise, you can't handle being not together. Losers.

Word count + info: 10k. Am I mentally ill? This is supposed to be a blurb.. Dialogue (angst, texts, calls, conversation).

Warnings + Content Ahead: SFW! Breakup and kinda mean stuff said (nothing physical description wise). Otherwise, it's all good! (i think)

Azzie Notes ✚: SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD. AM I OKAY??? 10K?? ON A BLURB?? idrk what angst is fr chat lmk if i did that one fr idk....im a LOVER girl ok IDK HOW TO DO THIS SAD SHIT - in saying that, was part of my dialogue in this lwky..loosely based off of my ex...........maybe...

I fear I loved this prompt so bad and like...I love to yap..so...

Socials + Updates: twitter ( @azziegivesafike) - feel free to follow and msg me about non requests there, I'll be posting life updates, story + req updates and spoilers/teasers alongside other things, so it'd be nice to have a community over there!

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Shattered - B.T.S.

In the beginning, being with Ben is the kind of whirlwind you've only seen in movies, a connection that feels so natural, yet thrillingly unexpected. Well, in hindsight, that might've been a lie. It wasn't exactly love at first sight, but instead, a slow, magnetic pull that drew you together, like the tension building in a long rally. You met on the circuit, both hungry, ambitious, and dedicated to your own success. But from the start, Ben had this way of getting past your disciplined, guarded exterior with that relentless charm of his.

He’s everywhere, it seems—posting highlights from your matches on his stories, sneaking your name into press conferences, tagging you in his silly “lazy Saturday” shots where your game is always playing in the background. He flirts shamelessly, flashing that grin across the court, his voice lifting over the crowd to make some cheeky comment that leaves you stifling laughter. Your friends see it before you do: Ben is crazy about you, and soon, so is everyone else.

He flirted shamelessly and relentlessly, everywhere and anywhere, often catching you off guard in ways that left you flustered despite your best efforts to stay cool and professional. With that, you started to look out for the way his eyes would find yours in a crowd while you sat in the stands during his matches or how he would nudge you at practice with that easy, casual touch like he’s done it a thousand times before; like you belong by his side.

Once, when he's asked in an interview if he’d dedicated his recent win to anyone, he grins and looks straight across the room, making everyone laugh. “There’s someone special right now, but no need to say names, she knows.”

It’s sweet, funny and more than a little bold. Later, when you called him out for it over one of your first late-night calls, he shrugged, entirely unapologetic, telling you with that stupid drawl of his, “What? Ain’t no point hidin’ it. The world knows who my lucky charm is.”

Soon, it was you reaching out for him, your hand slipping onto his arm, leaning against him during walkouts, letting your barriers fall. And every time he catches your eye, every time he manages to make you smile, he looks at you like he’s won the lottery. His heart stammers a little each time you shove him playfully or roll your eyes at his antics. Whether it was on the bench or during changeovers, Ben would rest his hand gently on your lower back, a touch that makes you feel, just for a moment, like you're the only two people in the world.

When the rare break in your schedules comes around, you steal hours together. You grab a coffee, turning a "quick run" into a day spent together and wander around a city you barely know, or stumble upon a hidden café with pastries too flowery for your tastes. He made everything feel easier, like no matter how intense life gets, you’ll always have that balance with him. Around Ben, you can be softer, and more vulnerable; he brings out a side of you that isn’t just about winning and competing but about laughing, sharing, and letting go.

People noticed the way you look at each other, the easy affection that passes between you, the more daring and intimate PDA, sharing kisses and lingering stares. Soon, fans were shipping you openly, posting photos of you courtside, or whispering to each other when you lean close and murmur something that makes him laugh. On tour, you’re one of those “it” couples, a little slice of joy in the relentless pace of your careers. And in those early days, you both believe that together, you can take on anything. In those early days, you believed you could take on anything together. You and Ben were partners, equals, and even in the midst of a gruelling season, there had always been time for him, always a reason to smile. It felt perfect, like a love story you had stumbled into but were both entirely committed to.

But that honeymoon phase comes crashing down real quick.

As seasons shift and tournaments stretch across continents, the cracks start to show. At first, it’s just a few hours difference, but then come the miles and oceans, and the texts dwindled, conversations cut short, replaced by more missed calls than made and vague apologies. You both had tried, in every way you knew how. But eventually, the memories weren’t enough to bridge the distance. You’d catch yourself staying up just to wait for his call after practice, only to fall asleep disappointed, staring at a dark screen. And every time you woke up to a hastily sent sorry, something came up text, it felt like another tiny fracture.

Ben wasn’t the only one caught up in the chaos of your schedules; you had your own demands, too. The strain went both ways. In an attempt to keep things alive, you’d push yourself to keep up with his time zone, adding another city to your Clock app, setting alarms accordingly to his lunch and dinner times, staying awake far too late, eyes heavy as you sat alone in your hotel room, scrolling through old photos just to feel closer to him. When the call finally did come, your voice was barely more than a whisper, tired and distant, and Ben couldn't bear the exhaustion in your tone, his heart aching as he hushed you to sleep, meaning neither of you would stay on long.

It all piled up slowly, almost imperceptibly, until the weight felt crushing. Conversations became one-sided, it’s like chasing the sun itself, moments of silence replacing the laughter that had once felt endless, and that spark, the one that made you feel unstoppable together, felt further away with every day that passed.

Then came the day of your match, a game that should have been easy, one you’d normally have breezed through. But you were dragging, exhaustion wrapping itself around your every heavy, drooping step, and somewhere in the depths of your mind, a bitter thought took root:

If only he cared.

You knew it wasn’t his fault, but still, the frustration boiled over. Would things have felt different if you weren’t so alone in this? If you didn’t have to wonder when, or if, he’d remember to call? If he scheduled calls to your time for once? If he could just postpone everything for 20, 20 measly minutes for you?

A ball zips right by you, snapping you back to reality.

Lying in your hotel room that night, you stared at the ceiling, replaying the best moments of your time together like an old movie reel. In those moments, it had felt perfect. You’d believed you could take on the world, side by side, partners in everything. But now, with miles and silence separating you, you wondered if those memories were all that was left of what you once had.

But even with that ache, even with the emptiness filling the room, one thing is clear as day: loving Ben, for all its messiness, for all the distance and loneliness, had never felt like a mistake but God, was it hard. You pondered on those same irritating thoughts that itched at you until your fingers found your phone and hit the FaceTime Call button. Part of you wanted him to not pick up, knowing that you had nothing kind or sweet to say, but a small part of you wanted to dish back what he deserved.

“Hey,” he greets, his voice tense, worn. His drawl feels distant like he’s talking to you from across an ocean.

“Hey.” You can feel the iciness in your voice, colder than you intended.

“Long day?” he asks, though his expression is already tense, wary.

“Yeah. Almost lost today,” you say flatly.

Ben’s gaze flicks down. “I saw the score,” he says, his voice cautious. “Guess it was a tough match, babe.”

“It shouldn’t have been,” you snap. “But maybe it’s hard to focus when I’m barely sleeping… or constantly waiting for a text that never comes.”

He blinks, his eyes narrowing. “So this is on me?” The familiar accent is a little rougher around the edges. “You’re losin’ matches ‘cause I’m not callin’ you enough? That’s what you’re sayin’?”

“Don’t play dumb, Ben. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about” You feel the bitterness twisting in your chest. ““You’re barely here, Ben. Half the time, I don’t even know if we’re still together or if we’re just two people sending pointless messages every few hours. Half the time, it feels like I’m talking to a ghost.”

He lets out a frustrated laugh, shaking his head. “You think it’s any easier for me? I’ve got my own stuff, my own schedule, darlin'. I’ve got my career to think about too, you know, this ain't just about you.”

Your jaw tightens. “Yeah, well, at least when I'm on the court, I don’t exactly have the luxury of tuning you out, Ben. I’m not the one who forgets to call after saying I would. I don’t have time for half-assed texts and waiting around for you to call when you feel like it.”

“Oh, don’t go there,” he mutters, rolling his eyes. “You know what it’s like. The fans, the interviews, the time spent on court-”

“Yeah, I get it, Ben. But last week, you bailed on a call to go sign autographs. Priorities, right?”

He takes a deep breath, visibly holding back. “C’mon, babe, you don’t mean that.”

But you press on, unable to stop yourself. “You’re too busy with whatever ‘big thing’ you have going on, right? Maybe if you cared enough to focus on your game instead of your ‘commitments,’ you wouldn’t have dropped that finals match. Just maybe.”

He flinches, his expression turning dark. “Oh, that's low from you, Y/N. You really wanna go there?”

“Yeah, I do,” you say, your voice unwavering.

He pauses, his face hardening. “If you were out here on the ATP tour, you’d understand how rough it really is. You wouldn't even get past a challenger. It ain’t the same league as the WTA.”

You laughed, a cold, bitter sound. “Oh, don’t even start with that. Rougher than the WTA? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Maybe come and join WTA then, you wouldn't manage it out here either, Ben.”

He snaps, his voice cutting like a whip. “You know how much I’m fightin’ to make a name for myself out here. Just ‘cause you got a few more shiny titles doesn’t mean you get to talk down to me like this.”

The sting of his words hits like a slap. Your face flushes, a mix of anger and hurt bubbling up. “So, that’s it? Just because I’ve actually earned my success, I’m some kind of… what? Nag?”

“I didn’t say that,” he shot back, voice tight, his eyes narrowing as he looked away. “But maybe you’re doin’ too much. Bein’ all… dramatic, blamin’ me for stuff I got no control over.”

“Right, okay, so I’m being dramatic,” you scoff, your voice edged with sarcasm. “I’m the one asking for too much because I want something real, something you clearly can’t give.”

He laughs, bitter and raw. “Maybe you just want too damn much.”

You feel the tears prickling behind your eyes, but you clench your jaw, holding yourself together by sheer force of will. Your voice trembles as you speak, the words thick with a pain you can’t contain. “I just want you to care, Ben, or at least pretend to care and make it believable. I want you to care enough to be here when it matters. But you’re so wrapped up in yourself, you don’t even see it.”

His face hardens, his jaw set, but his eyes hold a flicker of something unspoken. “You think I don’t care? I’m out here pushin’ myself every day, for us, for this future we’re supposed to be building 'n shit. But it’s like no matter what I do, it ain’t enough for you.”

A sharp knock sounds from his end, followed by muffled voices. He glances away, then back at you, irritation flaring in his eyes. “Look, I gotta go. Dad’s waitin’ on me; he already gave me an extra ten minutes to talk.”

You feel your heart twist, an ache of disappointment settling in. “Oh, of course,” you mutter, your voice dripping with bitterness. “Go ahead. I’m sure your training’s way more important than anything I have to say.”

He turns back, his eyes blazing with frustration. “Maybe it is right now,” he spits. “Talkin’ to you like this, all it’s doin’ is makin’ things worse. We're not getting anywhere like this-”

The words cut deeper than you expect, and you can barely hold back the surge of anger and heartbreak choking you. “Fine. Go, then. At least one of us can prioritise something.”

He scoffs, shaking his head as he looks away. “You’re bein’ unfair, 'n you know it.”

“Am I?” you whisper, your voice tight and choked. “Or am I just done waiting for you to show up?”

You stare at each other, an endless silence stretching between you, sharp and seething, words too heavy to be unsaid. Then, with a frustrated shake of his head, he mutters, “I can’t do this right now. I’ll talk to you later. When you’re not actin’ like this.”

Before you could respond, he hung up, his face disappearing from your screen, leaving you alone with nothing but the cold light of your phone. Your hands shook as you stared at the blank screen, tears finally spilling over.

With trembling fingers, you took a breath, letting a cold, steely calm settle over you. You typed out a simple, blunt message, leaving no room for second-guessing, no room for soft words or explanations. Just the truth, as raw as you felt.

“We’re done. I can’t do this anymore, Ben. I’m sorry.”

Your thumb lingered for a second before hitting “send,” and as soon as the message went through, you blocked him on every platform, cutting off any way for him to respond, to apologise, to convince you otherwise.

But as you tossed your phone aside, a crack appeared in the calm you’d forced on yourself. The tears came suddenly, your breath hitching as a tidal wave of heartbreak surged through you. You buried your face in your hands, pressing your palms against your eyes as if you could somehow contain the emotions clawing their way to the surface. You tried to stay quiet, muffling the sound in the dark, but the weight was too much, every sob raw, grieving and heavy, pouring out the frustration, the loneliness, and the love you’d tried so hard to salvage.

By the time your tears subsided, you felt utterly drained, hollowed out in a way that made everything around you feel distant and surreal. The city lights flickered outside your window, the glow indifferent to the storm that had torn through you. And in that quiet, broken moment, with only the shadows as company, you lay there, letting the exhaustion seep through your bones until sleep claimed you.

When sleep finally came, it was restless, fractured. You tossed and turned, flashes of memories from better days with Ben haunting you, the sound of his laugh, the way he’d smile, gummy and wide, his nose scrunching with that easy confidence. You woke up more exhausted than when you’d closed your eyes, feeling like you hadn’t rested at all. But you forced yourself out of bed, pushing yourself through your pre-game routine, your emotions locked away, frozen under layers of determination.

As you walked onto the court, the crowd buzzed with excitement, but you barely registered it. You were a storm, calm on the surface but seething underneath. Every shot you took was hard and brutal, the ball slicing through the air with an intensity that made your opponent flinch, the impact echoing through the stadium. You played as if your life depended on it, your body moving with sharp, lethal precision.

Your serves were relentless, your groundstrokes vicious, each one faster, sharper, as if each shot were a way to expel the anger and hurt still simmering in your chest. The crowd murmured, noticing the shift in your energy, the way you were pushing yourself, almost recklessly. A couple of times, your shots zipped past your opponent’s hand, barely missing, almost daring her to try and reach for it - "try me". You were untouchable, unstoppable, playing like you had something to prove.

But there was no smile, no hint of joy in your movements, solely mechanical. The usual lightness in your footwork was gone, replaced by a cold, ruthless efficiency. You’d already decided: this match was yours. You weren’t here to give an inch, weren’t here to let any lingering emotions cloud your focus. The crowd might have wanted excitement, but you were giving them precision, a display of control and fury that left no room for doubt.

You won, of course. Your opponent barely had a chance. But as you walked off the court, sweat trickling down your brow, fists clenched, you felt no thrill in the victory. Just the dull ache that lingered, a hollow space where your lightness, your smile, used to be. The heat of the court only made your head throb. The applause faded into background noise as you strode away, head high, shoulders tense. You’d won, but it felt like a hollow victory. You had no one to text after your game, anyone to call you baby - you had done it to yourself, were you really that desperate for a man to validate you? You were sick of feeling this way, sick of the exhaustion, the anger, the loneliness that clung to you even after everything you’d given today. At least, for now, you’d proven something, to yourself, to him, even if he’d never know, or care.

In the month that followed, you threw yourself harshly into your schedule, determined to erase any trace of him from your routine, your heart. Matches, training, travel, interviews, photoshoots, more matches, each day bled into the next, filled with an almost mechanical sense of purpose. If you weren’t on the court, you were working out, perfecting your strokes, spending hours on serves and footwork. Anything to exhaust yourself to stop the thoughts from lingering too long. Your routine was relentless, your focus razor-sharp.

But even in this frenzy, despite it all, reminders of him still slipped through. You’d scroll through social media, and every so often, an ATP post would pop up: Ben at a tournament, Ben celebrating a point, Ben grinning with that easy charm that used to make your heart ache. He looked different now. His curls were longer, spilling out from over his sweaty headband, and his frame had hardened, leaner, with muscle that seemed to outline his strength in sharper lines. His chubby cheeks had slimmed down into something harder, replaced by the quiet confidence of someone who’d grown, adapted, maybe even suffered a little.

And you could almost feel it, the quaking, gaping pain of missing him, but you’d swallow it back down, pull yourself together, and look away.

Your own press conferences became something else entirely. You were more composed, a bit sharper with your words, confident in a way you hadn’t been before. Where you used to smile shyly or laugh softly, now you leaned in with humour, a hint of flirtation, your charm more self-assured. You handled reporters’ questions deftly, especially the ones that tried to pry about Ben. The same questions came up over and over:

“So, do you still keep in touch with Ben?”

Each time, you’d respond with a practised, cool smile. “Right now, I’ve got all the support I need from my team and the people I have with me.” You’d turn the conversation to your work, your skill, and your grind on the court, dismissing the topic with subtle elegance, always steering it back to your goals, your game, and your people.

Yet, away from the cameras, the facade cracked, if only slightly. Sometimes, after a long match or a particularly brutal day of training, you’d find yourself scrolling through your old photos or feeling tears prickling your eyes, this messy situation taking a bigger toll than you would like to admit.

In his hotel room, Ben watched your interviews alone, a faint crease between his brows. There you were, in all your brilliance, flashing a confident smile at the camera, handling the press with a wit and boldness that felt both familiar and strange. He could see the way you’d grown, the way you’d steeled yourself, and it stirred something in him, a pang he couldn’t ignore. It was like watching someone he knew intimately and yet… not at all. The way you answered questions about him, and your subtle redirection to your career and team, it stung. Maybe it was petty, but he missed the way you used to talk about him with such pride, with that lovestruck glow. He loved seeing how shy you would get at the sheer mention of his name. Your hair was different, your skin glowing, you had more confidence, even if it came off a bit cocky but he still felt like you were his, just as much as he was yours. Ben didn’t know how to reach out, didn’t know what he’d even say. There was a distance now, both physical and emotional, that seemed impossible to bridge. He’d scroll through his own phone sometimes, finding old messages, ones before distance got the better of you both, photos of the two of you, half-written scripts in his Notes app he couldn’t bring himself to deliver. If he flew out tonight to you, what would he even do after? He’d think of calling you, of reaching out somehow, but the memory of your last fight, the bitterness in your voice, the way you’d shut him out… it held him back.

One evening, as you sat alone in the players' lounge, your forehead pressed against the back of the sofa, you felt that familiar ache pulse through you, the one that came every time you thought of him. It was then that Coco came by, her familiar, steady presence filling the room as she settled down across from you, cross-legged on the seat in front of you. Over the past year, it was Ben that introduced you but, you and Coco had grown even closer, bound not just by shared victories and losses but by the pressures only someone like her could truly understand.

Coco tilted her head, her gaze warm but unwavering. “Alright,” she said, cutting through the silence. “What’s really going on? Are you… over him?”

You exhaled slowly, running a hand through your hair as you tried to gather your thoughts. “I wish I could say yes,” you murmured. “I’ve tried. I’ve tried to move on, focus on the game, on everything else, but… he’s still everywhere. Even when I’m doing well, even when I’m focused, it’s like… something’s missing.” Your voice dropped to barely a whisper. “It’s like I can’t fully shake him.”

Coco nodded, her expression both sympathetic and knowing. “I get it. You two had something real, something intense. But maybe this time apart is what you both need. I mean, look at you. You’re stronger now, on and off the court. Maybe that’s part of this whole journey, you know?”

You managed a faint smile, though your heart still felt heavy. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. It just… doesn’t always feel like enough.”

She reached out, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Trust me. If he’s the right guy, he’ll figure it out, too. Until then? Focus on your game. Focus on you.”

Her words stayed with you, offering a small but steady comfort in the days that followed. You have been throwing yourself into training, pouring everything into the sport, trying to find solace in each match and each moment of growth. Somewhere out there, he was doing the same, and maybe, just maybe, this was what was best.

But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t completely smother the small spark of hope, that someday, somehow, your paths might cross again.

It was similar in the men’s locker room, Ben slumped forward on the bench, his elbows propped on his knees as he stared blankly at the floor, holding an uncapped bottle of water. Frances Tiafoe, who’d been eyeing him from across the room, exchanged a knowing glance with Taylor Fritz before making his way over.

“Alright, bro, spill it,” Frances said, tossing a towel over his shoulder as he leaned in. “You’ve been lookin’ like you’re living in some sad dog for weeks.”

Ben gave him a sidelong glance. “There’s nothin’ to talk about.”

Taylor rolled his eyes as he joined them, settling down on the other side of Ben. “Come on, man. We’re not blind. Ever since she blocked you, you’ve been… different.”

Ben scoffed, looking away, his voice low. “She didn’t just block me, man. She… she threw down, real hard. Said some things I thought she’d never say.”

Frances let out a low whistle. “Was that rough, huh?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, rubbing a hand over his face, his frustration mingling with regret. “It all just blew up. We were on a call, talkin’ like usual, and suddenly… it was like everything we hadn’t said just came out. She starts throwin’ things at me about how I’m not there, like… like I don’t care enough or not workin' hard enough. And it pissed me off, you know? I work just as hard, and it’s not like I’m sittin’ around, right?”

Taylor nodded, leaning back against the lockers. “So, what’d you do?”

Ben shrugged, his expression pained. “I pushed back, told her she couldn’t keep actin’ like she’s the only one workin’ for this. Told her ATP is just as tough, maybe even more competitive. Didn’t mean it that way, but she took it wrong. She thought I was tryin’ to downplay her game.”

Frances shook his head, giving Ben a sympathetic look. “Man, she must’ve felt hurt.”

“Yeah,” Ben muttered, a bitter laugh escaping him. “And next thing I know, I get this text. ‘This isn’t workin', we’re done.’ Blocked me on everything. Cold as ice, man. It’s like she flipped a switch, just… shut me out completely, as easy as shuttin' a door.”

Frances gave him a gentle nudge. “You still care about her?”

Ben’s gaze softened, a faint smile breaking through his frustration. “Yeah, man. She’s… she’s my girl. Even if she’s not my girl right now, you know?”

Taylor chuckled, nodding. “So, what’re you gonna do about it? Sit around here moping, or actually make a move?”

Ben sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “What am I supposed to do? She’s made it pretty clear she’s done with me.”

Frances grinned, crossing his arms. “Bro, just ‘cause she blocked you and sent a text after you called her game easy, doesn’t mean it’s over. She’s mad, yeah, but she’s probably missin’ you just as much. You just gotta show her you’re willin’ to do what it takes.”

Taylor nodded in agreement, a slight smile tugging at his lips. “And it doesn’t have to be some big romantic gesture, man. Sometimes, it’s the small things. Something to let her know you’re still thinkin’ of her, still care. You know where we're at next, right?”

Ben chuckled, shaking his head. “And do what? Just show up at her hotel room? She’s liable to call cops on my ass for that shit, bro.”

Frances laughed, shrugging. “So what? At least she’ll know you tried! Don't go doin' that though. Look, I’ve been with my girl for years now, and sometimes, you gotta be willing to look like a fool to show her you care.”

Ben leaned back, their words sinking in. He could still feel the sting of the things she’d said, the accusations she’d thrown at him like he didn’t care, didn’t work just as hard. But he couldn’t deny that he’d made mistakes, too. He’d let his pride get in the way, said things he regretted, and let the frustration of it all get the better of him.

Frances nudged him again, his grin widening. “Think about it, man. You got two choices: sit here, feeling sorry for yourself until she finds some other guy, or actually do something about it and get her back, even if that means standing in the rain with a fuckin' speaker.”

Ben finally cracked a smile, looking between his friends. “Y’all are ridiculous.”

“Hey, maybe,” Taylor said with a shrug. “But at least we got girlfriends. And you? You got a chance to get yours back. Just gotta decide if she’s worth it.”

Ben sat there, mulling over their words as a new determination started to burn within him. Maybe he didn’t have all the answers, and maybe there was a lot he’d have to figure out. But if there was even a chance to fix things, to bridge that gap that felt so wide, he wasn’t about to let his pride hold him back.

As he left the locker room that night, he felt a resolve solidify within him. He’d find a way to reach out, to let her know that no matter how far apart they were, she was still the one he wanted. Because when it came down to it, she was worth every bit of the fight.

A week went by before a 1000 game flew in, and both ATP and WTA were present if not, nearby for the games. You couldn't care less what was at stake, anything was a win if it kept you occupied. The courts were almost empty, shadows lengthening as the sun beamed high above. You bounced the ball steadily, the rhythm calm, your focus laser-sharp. The only sounds were the muted thud of your shoes on the court, and your breath falling into sync with the beat of your earbuds. Nothing but you, the court, and the quiet.

But then, that voice broke through.

"Aw, c'mon, man!" A laugh, deep and full of that unmistakable Southern drawl. Your grip faltered, the ball hovering mid-toss. That laugh, it was a sound you hadn’t let yourself think about for months, one that held too much of him.

Ben.

Your pulse jolted, the memories flooding back, warmth and bitterness tangled in the knots of your chest. You gritted your teeth, tossing the ball high before slamming it against the court, the crack of impact sharp in the quiet. It almost felt satisfying, like you could obliterate the tension he brought, shatter it with sheer force.

Almost.

You readied another serve, the ball bouncing harder than necessary as you forced yourself not to look. But you could feel his gaze, that familiar weight of his eyes lingering on you. The pull was magnetic, almost maddening, and despite every ounce of resolve you’d built up, your gaze betrayed you, slipping over to catch a glimpse of him.

Ben, laughing with Taylor, curls tousled longer than before, his hoodie slung carelessly over those familiar, ridiculous short shorts. The same hoodie you'd worn too many times to count, drowning in its warmth during late-night snack runs and lazy Sundays. The sight tugged painfully, a cruel reminder of the little things you’d pushed down, tried to forget.

He caught you looking, and his laughter faded, his gaze holding yours for just a second too long. You gripped the ball tighter, the ache settling heavy, and forced yourself to turn away, channelling the flurry of memories into another sharp serve, a fierce crack reverberating across the court. You didn’t look back again.

Hours later, your body was tired, your mind a bit clearer. You were scrolling through your phone in the lounge, zoning out, when Coco dropped down beside you with that familiar, mischievous grin.

"Hey, you!" She nudged you, hands on her hips.

You eyed her warily. "What’s up, Coco? Awfully perky for...5:30p.m."

“We’re having dinner tonight. Big group. Wanna come?” Her tone was casual, a little too casual.

Your guard went up immediately as you dropped your phone to your lap. “Who’s ‘we all’?”

Coco shrugged, twirling a loose curl around her finger. “Me, Frances, Arthur… maybe another WTA girl or two. Just a fun little dinner. Nothing formal.”

You narrowed your eyes, reading the glint of mischief in hers. "Coco, don’t mess with me. He's not gonna be there, right?"

She tilted her head, pretending to look innocent, but the sly smile gave her away. "Well… he might show up, but that's on his own accord. I didn't mention anything to Ben and it’s not like anyone’s setting anything up! It’s just dinner."

Your stomach twisted, a sigh slipping from your lips as you looked away. “I don’t think so. Not after… everything.” Your voice softened the weight of old arguments and unsaid things hanging between the words.

Coco’s face softened, her hand finding your shoulder. “Look, I’m not saying you have to sit next to him or anything. It’s a big table. You can stay on the opposite end and ignore him if that’s what you need. But everyone misses you, it’s been ages since we all got together. We all need to see your pretty face off the court too, ya know?”

You hesitated, rolling your eyes, the ache of missing them settling somewhere deep, the sense of family you hadn’t felt in months tugging at you. After a long pause, you finally nodded, rolling your shoulders back as if bracing for a match. “Fine. But I’m serious, Coco, no funny business. If he starts anything, I’m out.”

Coco grinned, throwing her arm around you. “Girl, trust me. If anything, you’ll be giving him the funny looks. Just friends, no drama. Now, let’s go get you out of those sweats.”

Meanwhile, in the locker room across the court, Ben was doing his best to act indifferent as Frances nudged him for the third time.

"C'mon, man!" Frances said, leaning against the lockers with a knowing grin. "So you are coming to this dinner tonight, right? Don't make me beg again, I'll start singing.”

Ben tried to play it cool, leaning back with his arms crossed. “I don’t know, man. You really think it’s a good idea?”

Frances rolled his eyes. “Look, you’ve been moping for months. She’s not gonna make a scene in public, and especially not with all of us, and who knows? Maybe she’ll talk to you, be all civil. It’s worth a shot.”

Ben let out a huff, rubbing the back of his neck. “Civil? You remember the last time we spoke, right? She has me blocked on everything.”

Taylor, stretching nearby, smirked and chimed in. “Man, you got nothin’ to lose. At the very least, you’ll see her. I saw how you were after you caught a glimpse of her training earlier. Besides, Frances and Coco will keep her from killin’ you.”

“Kay, thanks,” Ben muttered, though a flicker of hope sparked under the sarcasm. He didn’t want to admit it, but he couldn’t shake the longing to see her again, to maybe fix even a sliver of what had been broken.

Taylor nudged him, grinning. “Hey, listen, if I wasn’t taking Morgan out tonight, I’d be there just for moral support. But hey, maybe next time it’ll be a double date. Me, you, Morgan and your soon-to-be girlfriend, just like old times.”

Ben shook his head, the thought both terrifying and oddly thrilling. “You’re jokin’, right? She’d probably throw her drink at me before she’d sit through a double date.”

“Only if you act like an idiot,” Frances pointed out, laughing. “Just be yourself, man. You can handle the heat on the court, you can handle this. And maybe tonight’ll be the thing that finally breaks the ice.”

Ben sighed, running a hand over his face before finally surrendering. “Alright, alright. Fine. I’ll go. But Frances, don’t expect me to be all… chatty.”

Frances clapped him on the back, a glimmer of excitement in his eyes. “Yeah, you say that now. But I know how you get around her, man. Just don’t chicken out. Remember, we got your back.”

Ben couldn’t help but smile nervously, feeling a strange mix of dread and anticipation tighten in his chest. He wasn’t sure if this dinner would be a chance at redemption or just a painful reminder of how far they’d drifted, but one thing was clear, he was tired of hiding from whatever was left between them.

You walk into the restaurant and let Coco lead you to a long table, feeling an odd mix of nerves and determination fluttering in your stomach. Your outfit is cute but simple, just a sweater and leggings; just enough effort to feel put together without trying too hard. You take a seat between Coco and Arthur Fils, with Frances across from you. There’s an empty chair across from Arthur, and for some reason, that empty space makes your heart beat a little faster, feeling torn between wanting and avoiding Ben there.

As everyone settles in, you catch Coco’s eye and mutter, “Please tell me he’s not actually coming.” She just shrugs with an easy smile.

Moments later, as the group banters along, about to order drinks, Ben strolls in, catching you entirely off-guard. He’s slightly out of breath, apologising to the group with that familiar grin, explaining he’s late because he’d just finished showering after practice. You can’t help it, you nudge Coco under the table, whispering through gritted teeth, a frustrated, “Great.”

Coco just gives him a casual greeting, and you force yourself to turn back to the table, focusing your attention on ordering a glass of wine, pretending not to notice him as he takes that empty seat across from Arthur, just barely within your view, diagonally. But as he sits down, you feel his eyes on you, and for a brief moment, you glance up and catch him staring, his face almost dazed.

You’re caught off-guard by the look in his eyes. His breath seems to hitch, his big brown eyes wide and you can see a faint blush creeping up his neck as he stares at you, almost like he’s seeing you for the first time all over again. There’s a softness in his expression that you weren’t prepared for, a kind of awe that makes your stomach twist with memories and longing. But just as quickly, you look away, turning your attention to your wine as Frances elbows Ben with a teasing hiss, “Be normal, man.”

Throughout the night, you manage to keep to yourself, mostly talking to the other WTA players or Arthur whenever he cracks a joke. You keep Ben at the edge of your vision, resolute in ignoring the way his gaze keeps drifting back to you.

Every once in a while, Ben attempts to draw you into the conversation, maybe a lighthearted comment or a direct question, but each time, you meet his gaze with a steely look, making it clear with just one glance that you’re not interested. When he tries again, you let your eyes meet his for a moment, long enough to show him you’re serious before turning away, cutting off his effort entirely, almost to say "not interested". Across the table, Frances raises his brows, murmuring with a barely hidden smirk, “Damn, she is good at this,” as Ben slouches slightly, clearly trying not to look embarrassed.

As dinner winds down, the plates are cleared away, and you excuse yourself to the bathroom, needing a moment alone. Inside, you take a deep breath, facing yourself in the mirror. You’d been bracing yourself for tonight, but nothing quite prepared you for how it would feel to see him sitting right there, looking at you with those big sweet brown eyes and a pout, filled with that same soft pleading that used to make you melt.

But tonight, all it did was remind you of those late nights waiting by your phone, checking it over and over for messages that came slower and slower until they just…stopped. It reminds you of the countless hours wondering if you mattered as much as you thought you did, replaying his empty promises and half-hearted reassurances that seemed to fade with each passing day. He couldn't expect you to take him back with a pout and some half-assed joke. But damn, was it a good attempt, he knew how to make you crumble, even if it wasn't his sole intention.

You force yourself to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear as you look in the bathroom mirror examining yourself with a sigh, applying a bit of lip balm with fingers that tremble just slightly. Anything to distract yourself, to remind yourself that you’re strong enough to face this without breaking, reminding yourself to keep that mask on. You straighten your posture, determined to push all those memories back down where they belong, buried.

But just as you step out of the bathroom, Ben is standing right there, leaning against the wall as if he’d been waiting for you. His eyes soften the moment they meet yours, and he opens his mouth, his voice just a whisper. “Can we…talk? Just the two of us?”

The look he gives you, hopeful, no, desperate, stirs something deep inside you, and you clench your jaw, wanting to say no, wanting to walk away without a second thought. But as much as you’d like to ignore it, part of you still aches for some kind of closure, maybe even just one honest conversation.

With a reluctant sigh, you nod. “Fine. Outside.”

As you head out the restaurant’s door, you quickly fire off a text to Coco:

me n Ben talking outside. brb.

You stuff your phone back into your bag, clutching it tightly to your shoulder as you step into the cool night air. Wrapping your arms under your chest, you try to keep yourself shielded from more than just the chilling breeze.

Ben falls into step beside you, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. There’s a moment of silence as you both find your footing, the quiet thick with everything that’s been left unsaid. You glance sideways, catching him opening his mouth like he’s about to say something, only to close it, his shoulders shifting awkwardly.

“So… how’s the tournament going for you?” he starts, his tone casual, a little too casual.

You blink, trying not to roll your eyes, feeling the irritation growing. Really? But you bite back and just sternly say, “Ben.”

He rubs the back of his neck, glancing up at the streetlights overhead. “Sorry, yeah, that was- uh, okay.” He lets out a breath and shuffles closer, his voice almost a murmur. “I just… I wanna make this right. Another chance- Just thought maybe… you know, talkin’ would be easier if…”

“Ben, stop.” You sigh, tightening your grip on your bag strap. “Stop being weird. Just… just say what you have to say, and let’s get this over with. Let's not make this longer than it needs to be, I've got shit to do tomorrow.”

He glances at you, brows knitting together. For a second, he looks almost frustrated, like he’s holding back something sharper, something rougher. But he lets it pass, letting out a long, resigned breath. “Fine. I’ll just ask one thing.”

You arch an eyebrow, scepticism thick in your voice. “One question. Shoot.”

His voice comes out softer, edged with a hesitant curiosity as if he knows it’s a stupid question but can’t help but ask. “What hotel you stayin’ at?”

You let out a dry chuckle, shaking your head. “The Merrion.”

His eyes widen slightly, a small, stupid smile breaking on his face. “No way… me too.”

You sigh, looking up at the night sky, feeling the inevitability of whatever this night is becoming. Of course, he’s at the same hotel. Only Ben could make the universe align like this. And only Ben would think of a stupid question like that. He shifts his weight, stepping closer, his gaze steady.

“Look,” he starts, “it’s just a short walk back, twenty minutes or so. Just… give me that time. Just enough to walk back. Let me talk. And then you can go to your room and go to bed. How 'bout it?”

There’s a hopeful edge in his voice that you can’t ignore, and for a moment, your resolve falters. It’s ridiculous, this is exactly the sort of thing he would come up with, some half-baked plan to get you to keep listening, to keep him around just a little longer. You want to roll your eyes, to brush him off, but something about the way he’s looking at you, those earnest, brown eyes so damn full of longing, makes you sigh.

“Fine,” you mutter. “But if you get weird again, I’m out. No small talk, you know how much I hate it.”

A small grin creeps onto his face, and he falls into step beside you, a little closer than necessary, his arm brushing against yours as you start down the quiet street. For a minute, he doesn’t say anything, just walks alongside you, letting the silence settle around you both. But then, in that familiar southern drawl, his voice comes softer.

“Y’know, I've been thinkin’ ‘bout us a lot… probably more than I should.”

You keep your eyes on the sidewalk ahead, willing yourself to stay unmoved. “And?”

He swallows, his gaze tracing your profile, softening with each word. “I messed up,” he admits. “I know I did. I shoulda… been there more, answered more, I dunno. Shoulda been better at handlin’ it.”

You nod slightly, keeping your face blank. “Mhm, you should've.”

There’s a flicker of frustration in his expression, but he doesn’t let it throw him off. “You think I didn’t feel it too? That whole time, it felt like- hell, like I was losin’ you, like somethin’ was slippin’ right outta my hands, and I couldn’t do nothin’ to stop it.”

You feel the tension in your shoulders loosen just a fraction, though you keep your arms folded as a kind of armour. His words settle into the silence, raw and rough, and you can feel him glancing over, waiting for some kind of response. But you keep your gaze forward, biting back the little stirrings of emotion that are beginning to creep in.

He keeps talking, voice low and steady, drawing you in without giving you a chance to look away. “I’m not tryin’ to make excuses, alright? I know I coulda tried harder. But it’s like… the more I tried, the harder it got. The distance, the time zones, the schedules… it all just made me feel like I couldn’t keep up. And I just didn't know how to juggle it and that's my fault.”

You shake your head slightly, finally glancing over at him, the faintest of smirks tugging at the corner of your mouth. “So this is your way of apologising?”

He laughs, a little sheepish. “Guess I’m not real good at it, huh?” He nudges you with his shoulder, a familiar, easy gesture that makes your arms slowly loosen. His hand brushes your arm, just for a second, and a warmth blooms where his fingers graze your skin as if your body’s memory of him can’t help but respond.

“Look,” he says, his voice dipping softer, “I just… I miss you so much. Like hell.”

The honesty in his tone hits you hard, unravelling the cold exterior you’ve worked so hard to keep up. He keeps his eyes on you, watching your face carefully as if gauging your reaction. You feel your resolve slipping even more, your arms slowly falling to your sides, your heart aching as you fight against the wave of warmth that’s threatening to break through.

“Ben…” you start, barely a whisper, but you don’t know what to say, feeling torn.

He moves a little closer, his eyes wide, pleading, like he’s trying to hold onto every inch of you he can. “I know I messed up, okay? But I don’t wanna lose you. Not for good. Please, Y/N. Give me one more chance, you won't regret it 'n if I fuck up bad, you can do whatever, however; I deserve it but please. Just one more chance.”

You press your lips tight together, feeling your heart tighten as his words sink in, as he stands there looking at you with that same vulnerability you’d once fallen in love with. For a second, you forget the hurt, the sleepless nights, and you’re left with just him, the version of him that’s open, sincere, the Ben you’d once held so close.

The walk to the hotel stretches out as he keeps talking, spilling out and laying his heart bare with that easy, boyish charm that only he can pull off, and little by little, you feel your icy exterior start to melt. He talks about his time away from you, how he admired you from videos, watched highlight reels, his endless hours at night going through photos and texts; the whole lot. He cracks a joke, and despite yourself, you smile, trying to hide it but failing. He nudges you again, grinning as he sees the hint of laughter breaking through your guard.

He apologises over and over, more earnestly each time, his voice steady and low, and you can hear the regret, the guilt, the need to make things right. By the time you reach the hotel entrance, you’re feeling something dangerously close to hope, your heart betraying you, making it harder and harder to keep up the facade.

You glance over at him, catching the way his eyes soften as he looks at you as if you’re the only thing he can see. He’s staring, the blush from earlier creeping back up his neck, and when his hand brushes yours one last time, you don’t pull away.

You stand just outside the hotel, a faint chill brushing past as the streetlights cast a warm glow around you. You shift on your feet, glancing up at him, your eyes soft but determined.

“Can I talk?” you ask, breaking the quiet, your voice barely above a whisper. The first thing you had actually said this entire time.

Ben raises an eyebrow, leaning in with a playful smirk. “Talk? What else have we been doin’ for the last twenty minutes, girl?”

You roll your eyes and reach out to smack his arm, earning a chuckle from him. “Fine then. Can we go up to your room?” you add, a small, daring smile tugging at your lips.

Ben’s eyebrow quirks higher. “My room, huh?” His gaze narrows, teasing you with that familiar glint. “What exactly ya got planned, sweetheart?”

You swat him again, harder this time, and he laughs, raising his hands in mock defence. But then you drop the smile, your voice softer. “I wanna talk about what I did, Ben. I messed up too.”

The teasing fades from his expression as he studies your face, searching. After a pause, he nods and gestures toward the lobby. “Alright, then. Let’s go talk.”

In the elevator, silence hangs thick in the air, tension as familiar as it is unspoken. You don't even notice, spending your time stilling your breath and running through everything you want to apologise for. When you reach his room, you head over to the small couch by the window and settle in, tucking your legs under you and giving him a steady look.

“Ya gettin’ comfortable already?” he jokes, leaning against the wall, his eyes dancing with that old spark that makes you ache.

You try not to smile, steeling yourself for your confessional. “Can you be serious for a minute?”

His smile fades as he walks over, sitting across from you, his gaze intense and focused. You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of everything you’ve held back.

“I shouldn’t have put so many expectations on you,” you begin, your voice wavering. “You’ve got your own life, your own competitions, your own dreams. All this constant travelling, the different time zones… it’s not fair to expect you to be there every time I needed you at the drop of a hat. You get burnt out too- God. I never even asked how you were before I'd launch into my own day.”

You bite your lip, blinking back tears as they start to blur your vision. “I should’ve known better. I should’ve been more understanding, given you more grace.” Your voice catches, barely a whisper now. “And what I said… on that call… it was cruel, Ben. I was mean and unfair, and you didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve any of it. At all. I wouldn't want myself back after all I had said and done.”

As a tear slips down your cheek, Ben’s face softens, and he reaches out without hesitation, his hands cupping your face as he brushes the tear away. His thumb lingers on your skin, his gaze is unwavering, and then he leans forward, pressing the gentlest kiss to your temple, another to your forehead, and a final one at the crown of your head, his hand resting tenderly against your hair.

You let out a shuddered breath, your hands covering his as you finally let everything pour out. “I miss you so much,” you whisper, your voice breaking. “I miss everything about you… the way you laugh, your ridiculous voice…” Another tear rolls down, and you don’t try to hold back. “I miss the way you’d talk about cars or food for ages, and you’d make everything feel so normal, even when my life was a mess. Without you, it’s like this haze I can’t shake. I just… I miss you. I barely recognise myself these days.”

Your body shakes with the sobs you’ve tried so hard to bury, and Ben doesn’t hesitate. He pulls you close, wrapping you in his arms like he could shield you from all the pain, all the regret. He holds you there, one hand smoothing over your hair, his lips pressing soft, tender kisses to your forehead and cheeks, murmuring gentle words against your skin.

“S’all right, darlin’,” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m here. I’m right here with you.”

You cling to him, burying your face into the crook of his neck, as his hands trace soothing circles along your back. Your sobs gradually quiet, but your breaths are still shaky, each exhale unsteady.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” you manage, voice barely audible.

He pulls back just enough to meet your gaze, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “Hey now,” he murmurs, his tone warm and grounding. “We both made mistakes. Ain’t just on you, alright? Takes two to mess up, but it takes two to fix it too. We can fix, can't we?”

You nod, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, feeling a little of the weight lift, softened by his words.

Ben tilts your head to hold your gaze, his own eyes glassy. “Can’t tell ya how many times I thought about callin’ ya or flying to ya,” he admits, his voice low. “How many times I’d pull up your name, wonderin’ what you’d say if I told ya all the things I wished I’d said. But I was… hell, I was scared, darlin’. Thought maybe I’d screwed up too bad, and you’d moved on.”

You shake your head, a small, breathy laugh escaping. “I couldn’t...I could never.”

He strokes your hair gently, his lips brushing your forehead once more. “Guess we’re both a couple of fools then, huh?”

You laugh softly, the sound wet and trembling as he pulls you back into his arms. You lean into him, letting yourself feel the warmth of his embrace, the steady beat of his heart, grounding you. Wrapped in the quiet, tangled together, you both hold on a little tighter, feeling the rawness of your honesty and the comfort of finally, finally being close again. In the safety of his arms, you feel, for the first time in so long, a sense of peace, letting the unspoken words settle around you like a quiet promise.

Ben’s hand rests on your cheek, his thumb tracing small circles as he learns your face all over again, making your heart flutter. His fingers move slowly, grazing down to your jaw, then up again, threading into your hair. You let your eyes close for a moment, his gentle touch working its way through the tension of the night, and a small, contented sigh escapes you. For the first time in weeks, you feel relaxed and content.

“Gettin’ comfortable, huh?” he murmurs, his voice low and teasing, though there’s a warmth in his eyes that wasn’t there before. He leans in, giving one final push to a stray strand of your hair before tilting his head toward the bed across the room. “C’mon, darlin’. This couch is barely holdin’ us together.”

You hesitate, but Ben’s already moving, holding out his hand as he stands up. His grip is strong, guiding you as you follow him to the bed, and he lets out a soft chuckle as you settle beside him. His arm drapes around you, pulling you close as you lean into him, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest against you. The warmth is so consuming, cocooning you immediately.

Ben smiles down at you, a playful glint in his eye, and as his fingers find your hair again, he starts twirling a strand between his fingers. “So,” he murmurs, resting his cheek on the top of your head, “ya still gonna keep me blocked, huh?”

You roll your eyes, smirking. “Fine,” you reply, unlocking your phone with a playful huff. You find his name, well, technically his new contact name since you’d deleted him in a fit of anger, and type a single white heart emoji, pressing send.

The vibration of his phone buzzes beside him, and he pulls it out with a grin, holding up the glowing screen. “There it is. Knew ya couldn’t resist me,” he says, laughing as he pulls you in close as he kisses your temple.

But just as you relax against him, you notice a missed notification. It’s a text from Coco, her reply to your earlier message asking where she’d disappeared to after dinner. You hesitate, then, instead of texting back, you tap the Facetime icon, feeling a strange urge to share this quiet moment, finding words couldn't suffice, nor were you in the mood to type out a lengthy paragraph.

The call connects, and Coco’s face appears, a gasp escaping her as she spots you two tangled up in Ben’s bed, nestled together with his arm around you.

“Oh my god! Yes!” she cheers, loud enough to make Ben chuckle. You hear laughter and cheers in the background too, and Coco turns the camera, revealing the whole dinner table watching with knowing smiles.

"Coco, this was a set-up plan, huh?" you giggle as you see the entire friend group on the other end.

"Somewhat, but blame Morgan and Taylor, not me. They did all that," she throws the blame as she points the camera over to them. Frances, Morgan and Taylor wave and Frances yells “Look at Ben! Already got her in bed, huh?”

Ben rolls his eyes, but a faint blush colours his cheeks. He pulls you closer, his hand resting protectively around your shoulders as he grins.

“Hey now,” he says, his voice low and sincere. “This one’s special. Ain’t like any other. My lucky charm.”

You feel your heart skip a beat at his words, and you’re so focused on him that you barely notice Coco and the others making gagging noises before Ben reaches out, ending the call on your phone with a smirk. Then he turns back to you, his eyes soft, filled with something that feels dangerously like forever.

He leans in, his lips finding yours in a kiss that’s slow and tender, each second lingering with quiet promises. And in the warmth of his arms, your heart finally feels at home, exactly where it belongs.

[lumosatnight]

Lani's Birthday Oneshots: 2024 🧁

As per tradition, today is my birthday and as a gift to you, I present a HP ONESHOT REC LIST to celebrate 🥳! Here are 15 oneshots, under 10k words (mostly), one for each day in June leading up to my birthday. Lots of genres, lots of tropes, ordered by ship (kinda).

🌼 - fluff | 💔 - angst | 🔥 - smut

—

1. The Pirc Defence by @sleepstxtic [Draco/Harry, E, 10k] ♟️❣️ This fic is brilliant!! Masterful, even. Kat does it again with the intriguing plot, the deeply intense relationships, and strongly lovable characters. This is the chess rivals to lovers fic that everyone deserves and needs to read RIGHT NOW.

2. Nightswimming by @sweet-s0rr0w [Draco/Ron, established Draco/Harry, M, 5k] 🔥🌃 This fic is delicious. Searing hot anticipation. That feeling right before the climax, the first spark of the match before the fire is fully lit. Exquisite. I just want to bask in it.

3. Postcards Of A Life Well Lived by @ghaniblue [Luna/Draco/Harry, M, 950] 🌼🦋 Georgeous slice of life. I love the dynamic between the three, weaving in and out of each others' lives. Luna is a gem.

4. This Tree Grows from Ash and Dust by @wellhalesbells [Dudley/Draco, M, 9k] 💔♣️ This fic is rife with tension. The Drudley dynamic sucks you right in and with unrequited Drarry in the background! I cannot get enough.

5. Different by @camelliacats [Nigel/Colin, T, 10k] 🌼💔 Canon-compliant how Nigel falls in love with his best friend's brother. Teen romance, first loves, and all the wonderful complicated feelings that come along with it.

6. self-made by @onewhodiedyoung [Cho/Ginny, T, 3k] 💔🦢 Beautiful post-war story. Ginny grappling with her identity and who she is after everything. Cho knowing and supporting and growing.

7. My Kink Is Karma by @chaos-bear [Lavender/Gilderoy, E, 3k] 🔥🤣 What a pairing!! Hilarious fic with some hot and then awkward smut. But absolutely perfect.

8. thorns, in amber by @thisisdecemberista [Sirius/Lily, established James/Lily, E, 5k] 💔🔥 God, this fic. The infidelity angst mixed with war mixed with their all-consuming love for James. A whirlwind of emotions that had me in a death grip. So so good.

9. Bouquet by sky_watcher_rose [Minerva/Poppy, T, 3k] 🌼💐 So sweet, so lovely! A professors getting together story that melts my heart. I always knew Minerva was a sweetheart beneath that strict exterior.

10. the end of illusions (who could ever be saved) by lovelit [Tom/Percy, E, 3k] 🦁🐍 Percy discovers Tom's diary and things spiral from there. I absolutely adore Percy in this: hardworking, overlooked, and just seeking a friend.

11. Come Slowly, Eden by Paimpont [Voldemort/Molly, M, 3k] 💔🥧 A pairing that at first glace seems incongruous but actually works so well! Molly showing Voldemort kindness, and him showing her family mercy. *chef's kiss*

12. Tom Riddle Sr. by @limetameta [Tom & Tom Sr, T, 4k] 💔🏡 A Tom Riddle Sr. character study in which he raises Tom on his own. Voldemort is so much the same, and so much different. I would read so much more of this universe.

13. Unfinished by @turanga4 [Fat Friar & Harry, T, 1k] 💔🌙 Grief, love, and loss. A lovely, heartfelt look into the aftermath of the BOH and Harry finding comfort in Hogwarts.

14. Through the Sleepless Night by @mugsdontlie [Mundungus & Arabella, T, 2k] 🌼🐈 I love friendship fics and I love their friendship here! Mugs is the master of rare pair dynamics. There's such familiarity between the characters. It feels so real and the perfect backdrop to canon.

15. Sexy Gobs by @emilyrickman [Lighning Era & Professors, T, 650] 🌼📝 Hilarious and so creative. The formatting is insane! But I'm most impressed by creating a cohesive story simply from a couple of post-it notes.

BONUS FIC (>10k): Wit Beyond Measure by @midnightstargazer [Unrequited Bloody Baron/Grey Lady, T, 14k] 💔👑 Stunning, amazing fic showcasing Helena Ravenclaw. Struggling under the expectations of her mother, leaving to find herself, and returning to safeguard the castle's students. I love the depth, the fleshed-out insight we get into her character!

—

Want more fics to read?

Try my rec tag: #lumosinthelibrary

Bday Oneshots (<10k), Year in Reading, WLW Library

[runawaymarbles]

9-1-1 fic recs

because if I do nothing but read 9-1-1 fic for a month solid I feel like I should. Since my bookmark notes are all spoilers. Buck/Eddie unless specified otherwise.

to your front door by hammersmiths | G | 3k

Buck and Pepa are bridge buddies and Pepa is happy to arrange everyone's lives.

i'm headed to the mountains by hammersmiths | 8k | G

a.k.a. Abby Clark does deserve rights

pick me, choose me, love me by trysetmeonfire | T | 9k

It is some kind of hell, it seems to me, to be forced to choose one irreplaceable thing over another. Buck and Chris get stuck and Eddie has to get one of them out first.

brick by spqr | E | 10k

9-1-1 fic I read and loved before I knew anything else about 9-1-1. Post lightning strike, Buck and Eddie are not at all on the same page.

i love you, ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard? by rarakiplin (gmontys) | T | 10k

"Because, Evan" is actually a love confession, but Buck's with Taylor. They handle it great.

the stick-around by derryfacts2 (winchysteria) | T | 10k

Buck is bleeding out. It's surprisingly funny.

Ace of Hearts by glorious_spoon | T | 10k

The poker night was a date but Buck doesn't realize it until later.

darlin', i'm just tryin' to tell ya by archerincombat | T | 10k

The station adopts a dog that has cancer and Ravi has some feelings about it.

still by brewrosemilk | T | 10k

Eddie is standing on a bomb.

the light's been out though, baby by hattalove | M | 15k

There's a video of the shooting.

like a hole in the ground by clytemnestra | T | 15k

Buck shares his feelings but they still don't know how to communicate.

maybe love won't let you down by sibylsleaves | M | 15k

Buck tells Eddie he loves him; Eddie thinks he himself is terrible at relationships and so he dodges the question. Things are OK until they aren't.

False Start (timing’s everything) by Morgane (smilla840) | E | 16k

Buck and Eddie hook up, and then Buck gets back together with Taylor. Ouches all the way down. It's great.

i would like a place i could call my own by maybeamystery | E | 17k

Buck and Eddie hooked up at the end of season 3. It does not make things better.

find a way to you (if it kills me) by foxwatson | M | 20k

Buck doesn't realize he has feelings for Eddie until Eddie lets Linda set him up. They both suck at coming out.

stay soft; get eaten by eddiediass | T | 20k

Ramon Diaz is dying.

every time we stop talking (the universe starts screaming) by withmeornotatall | M | 20k

Buck is being reckless, Eddie's pissed about it, and Natalia is asking a lot of questions about everybody's trauma.

where there's smoke, there's fire by wakeupnew | T | 24k

You're really not supposed to be secretly dating your coworker. Luckily, they have a union rep.

into the fire by brewrosemilk | E | 27k

Cheating fic (complimentary); Buck and Eddie sleep together. It's messy.

Tick Tick Boom by ChasetheWindTouchtheSky | 30k | T

Buck's having a breakdown; he's not talking to his parents; he doesn't tell Maddie this but he does go to drag brunch.

I Kinda Fell Half In Love (And You're To Blame) by orphan_account E | 33k

Eddie is dating Ana and Buck can't figure out why he doesn't like it. Also, Chris is trying to return to school after COVID and they're really stressed about it.

the going water and the gone by trysetmeonfire | T | 30k

Eddie is lost at sea and presumed dead. The logistics of death are complicated and custody isn't as easy as saying you want your platonic bro to raise your kid without telling anyone.

i don't swim and you're not in love by hattalove | T | 30k

Eddie is dating Ana, Buck tries to get over himself, and there's a sewer leak at Abuela's.

listen to you breathing (is where I wanna be) by Yavilee | T | 40k

Buck goes down in an earthquake and is missing, presumed. He and Eddie leave each other voicemails.

everything (nothing) has changed by bizarrestars | E | 50k

Buck goes to therapy, tells Eddie that he's in love with him but he's going to get over it, and Eddie has a meltdown for 50,000 words except this is from Buck's POV and Buck's an idiot.

across our great divide (a glorious sunrise) by catchingpapermoons | M | 50k

Buck and Eddie go to couples therapy in s5 and I? Cry.

a blaze in the dark by woodchoc_magnum | E | 117k

Buck gets caught up in Natalia, Eddie starts dating someone else, it goes about how you'd expect. Hurts in a delightful way.

tell me about despair by hattalove | M | 150k

THEEEEE Eddie Diaz fic.

just to be with you by woodchoc_magnum | M | 150k

Buck and Eddie keep their relationship secret for months and it turns out it's hard to come back from that.

The things we lost in the fire by SunSpell80

Buck's uncle molested him when he was a kid. Buck's relationship with his parents is complicated in a way that doesn't villanize them, but is still messy as fuck. I am rotating it in my brain. (Note: the author presumably wrote this before we met Buck's parents in canon, but got tired of changing the names a couple chapters in.)

[mcrdvcks]

Down Bad - Chapter 19

Chapter Summary: The squad is still feeling the effects of Tantiss more than 10 months later.

Word Count: 10k+

Pairing: Hunter x fem!Jedi Original Character

Notes: so, in the first few paragraphs amina talks to the young kids about the hickeys on her body. and while writing i for some reason came to the conclusion that hunter is the kind of guy to leave marks because it's literally his name. like hunters, or predators, mark their prey, right? or like how dogs (kinda of weird to talk about but…) will mark their territory on fences or grass, etc. idk if this makes sense but it does in my head.

i'm very excited for the next chapter!! but i work the next 5 days in a row (i'm going to lose my mind) so i'm not sure when i'll post the next chapter, but hopefully around friday, saturday, or sunday.

Series Masterlist - Chapter 18 → Chapter 20

AO3 Link For Chapter

Answering young children’s questions about why you have multiple black and blue marks on your neck was harder than Amina thought. It’s not like you can outright say what it actually is, but you can’t exactly lie either.

She could’ve worn a scarf- well, she actually did but it flew away in the wind at the beginning of training. So, instead she had to think of a plausible excuse for the 12 visible hickeys on her neck, chest, and shoulders.

But she had to admit, the necklace Hunter had given her for her birthday looked absolutely perfect on her, hickeys or no hickeys.

"Well, you see," Amina began, her voice careful and measured as she crouched down to their level, "sometimes when people are training, they can accidentally bump into things or get bruised from rough play."

The children nodded, their eyes wide with curiosity as they listened intently to her explanation.

"So," Amina continued, trying to keep her tone light and casual, "these marks are just a result of some roughhousing during training. Nothing to worry about."

The children seemed to accept her explanation, their curiosity satisfied for the time being as they returned to their games. Amina let out a quiet sigh of relief, grateful that they hadn't pressed her for more details.

It’s not to say she doesn’t like the marks, she does, but her nor Hunter thought about the questions that would be raised by the children while they were “training”.

It would certainly be interesting for them to realize what they were when they were older, just like when Amina had to learn why Padme had the same marks on her neck after spending the night with Anakin.

“Alright everyone! Let’s do our last activity, meditating. Now come, gather round.” Amina called out, as all the kids sat down in their usual spots on the grassy field.

As the children settled into their spots on the grassy field, Amina took a deep breath, centering herself for the meditation session. She glanced around at the eager faces before her, a sense of calm settling over her as she prepared to guide them through the practice.

"Alright, kiddos," she began, her voice gentle yet firm as she addressed the group. "Let's start by finding a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of the air entering and leaving your body."

The children followed her instructions, their movements slow and deliberate as they settled into their chosen positions. Amina watched them with a smile, her heart swelling with pride at their willingness to participate in the meditation exercise.

"Once you've found your breath," Amina continued, her voice soothing and calming, "start to bring your attention to your body. Notice any areas of tension or discomfort and see if you can release them with each exhale."

The children nodded in understanding, their faces peaceful and serene as they began to relax into the practice. Amina closed her eyes, her own breath steady and even as she guided them through the meditation.

She noticed a presence next to her as she opened her eyes and looked up to see Crosshair standing a few feet away from her. Amina slowly stood up and walked over to him, “do you want to join?”

“I… meditation is not exactly enjoying.” He responded slowly.

“You’re right, it’s not. But it may help you. You wouldn’t have come over here to watch for no reason.” Amina said gently. “If you don’t want to, it’s completely understandable.”

Amina watched him carefully, her expression gentle and understanding. She knew that Crosshair was struggling with his own demons, haunted by memories of his past and the trauma he had endured at the hands of the Empire. But she also believed that there was hope for him, that he could find healing and solace in the practice of meditation.

"Come on, Crosshair," she urged softly, extending a hand towards him. "Give it a try. You might be surprised at how much it helps."

Crosshair hesitated for another moment before finally relenting, stepping forward to join Amina and the group of children. He settled himself onto the grass, his posture stiff and guarded as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Amina smiled at him encouragingly, her voice gentle as she guided the group through the meditation practice. She spoke in soothing tones, encouraging the children to let go of their worries and fears, to focus on the present moment and the sensation of their breath flowing in and out of their bodies.

Crosshair followed her instructions, his breathing gradually becoming steadier. He let go of the tension in his muscles, letting it melt away with each exhale as he sank deeper into a state of calm and tranquility.

As the meditation session came to an end, Amina opened her eyes and glanced over at Crosshair. He looked more relaxed than she had ever seen him, a sense of peace settling over his features as he sat there with his eyes closed.

"How do you feel?" she asked softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Crosshair opened his eyes and met her gaze, a small smile playing on his lips. "Better," he admitted quietly. "I didn't think it would make much of a difference, but... it actually helped."

Amina smiled at his words, feeling a surge of warmth and affection towards him. She reached out to squeeze his hand gently, offering him silent reassurance and support.

"Thank you for joining us," she said sincerely, her voice filled with gratitude. "I know it's not easy for you."

Crosshair nodded, a flicker of something akin to gratitude in his eyes. "It's... not so bad," he admitted gruffly, his tone softened by a hint of vulnerability.

---

Amina blocked a hit as Ahsoka walked around her, twirling both her lightsabers. They had been dueling for close to 10 minutes now, but Amina wasn’t going to let Ahsoka best her. She helped train Ahsoka, and if she lost, she’d probably mope around. Hell, she usually beat Anakin when they trained together, though she always wondered if he was going easy on her, even though she told him not to.

The kids watched as Amina and Ahsoka circled each other, cheering and yelling excitedly. "Go, Amina! You've got this!" one of the kids called out, his voice filled with enthusiasm.

Amina grinned, feeling a surge of adrenaline as she parried Ahsoka's attacks with renewed determination. She knew she had to stay focused if she wanted to come out on top.

Ahsoka pressed forward, her lightsabers flashing as she launched a series of rapid strikes. Amina blocked each blow with precision, her movements fluid and controlled as she countered with a powerful strike of her own.

The two women exchanged blows with increasing intensity, their lightsabers clashing with a shower of sparks as they fought for dominance. Amina could feel the heat of Ahsoka's lightsabers against her own, the adrenaline coursing through her veins as she pushed herself to the limit.

As the duel reached its climax, Amina saw an opening and seized the opportunity. With a swift motion, she disarmed Ahsoka, sending both of her lightsabers flying across the field.

The kids erupted into cheers and applause as Amina emerged victorious, a triumphant grin on her face as she offered Ahsoka a hand up. Ahsoka accepted with a smile, her eyes shining with pride and respect.

"Good fight," Ahsoka said warmly, her tone filled with admiration.

"Likewise," Amina replied, returning the smile. "You always keep me on my toes."

“I can’t believe I’ve never won against you.” Ahsoka said, bringing her lightsabers back to her, clipping them on her belt.

Amina shrugged, “well, what can you do? I’m pretty amazing.”

Ahsoka chuckled, shaking her head in amusement. "I suppose I'll just have to keep training with you until I finally beat you," she said, her competitive spirit undiminished.

"Bring it on," Amina replied, her tone playful as she nudged Ahsoka with her elbow. "I'm always up for a challenge."

The two women shared a laugh before turning their attention back to the group of children who had gathered around them. Amina felt a surge of warmth in her chest as she watched the kids, their faces lit up with excitement and awe.

“You know, there is something else I never thought I’d see.” Ahsoka said.

Amina turned to face her, “what?”

“You having hickeys. Reminds me of Padme.” Ahsoka said, crossing her arms with a small smile.

Amina laughed, “well, I guess things change, don’t they?”

Ahsoka grinned, her expression knowing as she leaned against a nearby tree. "Indeed, they do," she agreed, her voice tinged with amusement. "Who would've thought that the fearless Amina Skywalker would end up with hickeys like Padmé Amidala?"

Amina rolled her eyes playfully, a smirk playing at the corners of her lips. "Hey, everyone needs a little excitement in their life," she quipped, her tone light and teasing.

Ahsoka chuckled, shaking her head in mock disapproval. "Just make sure you don't get too carried away," she warned, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Me? Carried away? It’s not like I gave myself these marks.”

Ahsoka grinned, her expression mischievous as she leaned against the tree. "Sure, sure," she replied, her voice tinged with amusement. "Blame it all on poor Hunter."

Amina laughed, shaking her head in mock indignation. "Hey, he started it," she retorted, a playful glint in her eye. "Besides, it was my birthday. What was I supposed to do, turn him down?"

Ahsoka raised an eyebrow, a knowing smile playing at the corners of her lips. "I suppose not," she conceded, her tone teasing. "But you do realize that now you have to come up with an even better birthday present for him next year, right?"

“If only I knew his birthday.” Amina said with a sigh, “you know, none of the clones have a birthday. It’s kinda of sad when you think about it. At least we knew when ours was, even if we didn’t celebrate it.”

Ahsoka nodded in understanding, her gaze thoughtful as she considered Amina's words. "It is sad," she agreed quietly. "The clones have been through so much, yet they're denied even the simplest joys of life."

Amina sighed, her mind wandering back to her time spent with the clones, the bond she had formed with them during the war. She had seen firsthand the sacrifices they had made, the hardships they had endured in service to the Republic.

"They deserve better," she murmured, her voice tinged with sadness. "They deserve to have birthdays, to celebrate their existence."

Ahsoka placed a comforting hand on Amina's shoulder, offering her silent support. "I know," she said softly. "But for now, all we can do is make the most of the time we have with them, show them that they're valued and loved."

Amina nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "You're right," she agreed, her spirits lifting slightly. "And speaking of making the most of our time..."

She glanced over at the group of children who were playing nearby, their laughter filling the air as they chased each other through the grass. Amina felt a surge of affection for them, grateful for the joy and light they brought into her life.

"I think it's time we joined them,” Amina said, "what do you say?"

Ahsoka grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "I say let's show these kids how it's done," she replied, moving off the tree to follow Amina as they made their way over to join the fray.

Once Amina finished her daily lessons with the kids, Hunter walked over, carrying two small containers of water, handing one to Amina and Ahsoka.

“You know, I heard what you said.” He began, as Amina raised an eyebrow.

“What did I say? I say a lot of things.”

“I believe it was you who started it.” Hunter said, crossing his arms over his chest, with a small smirk.

"Yeah... but you were the one who said I could do anything I wanted," Amina retorted, a playful glint in her eye as she flashed Hunter a teasing smile.

Hunter chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Touché," he conceded, his tone light and teasing. "But I didn't mean you could go around flaunting your... battle scars."

Amina raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of her lips. "Oh, come on, Hunter," she said, her voice dripping with mock innocence. "You know you're the only one who's allowed to leave marks on me."

Hunter's cheeks flushed slightly at her words, a sheepish grin spreading across his face. "Yeah, well, maybe we should try to keep those marks a bit more... discreet," he suggested, his tone playful yet earnest.

“We? You mean you? Because last I checked, I am unable to suck my own neck.”

Hunter cleared his throat as Ahsoka watched their interaction, a playful glint in her eyes. Amina turned to face him, a smirk playing at the corners of her lips as she raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"What's wrong, Hunter?" she teased, her voice light and teasing. "Cat got your tongue?"

Hunter rolled his eyes good-naturedly, shaking his head as he tried to suppress a smile. "Very funny," he replied dryly, though the hint of amusement in his tone was undeniable.

---

Omega had been asking Amina if she could continue her flying lessons that Tech was giving her before he died. And she agreed, but the only problem was is that they didn’t have a ship anymore, since the Marauder was blown up by CX-2.

So, they had decided to go off planet with Echo to get a new ship, but then Rex had asked them to complete a simple data extraction mission.

Hunter wasn’t entirely happy about it, since he wanted to be done with missions as a whole, but they owed Rex one.

“Echo will go to the console and extract the data from the console. Crosshair and Wrecker will create a diversion, while me, Amina and Omega will be lookout.” Hunter ordered.

Everyone agreed as they made their way off their new ship, a Rho-class shuttle. Hunter and Crosshair led the group with Amina in the back.

Even though she was supposed to be watching their surroundings, which she was, her focus was on Hunter in the front. She forgot how good he looked in his armor, especially the way he moved in it.

At least she was an expert at multitasking.

As they approached their destination, Amina forced herself to focus on the task at hand. She cast a quick glance in front of her, checking to make sure everyone was accounted for, before turning her attention back to the path ahead.

The air around them crackled with tension as they neared the target location, Amina felt a surge of adrenaline course through her veins, her senses on high alert as she prepared for whatever lay ahead.

"Alright, let's move," Hunter said, his voice low and commanding as he gestured for the team to spread out. "Crosshair, Wrecker, you know what to do. Amina, Omega, stick close to me."

Amina nodded, falling into step beside Hunter as they made their way towards the target. She could feel the weight of his gaze on her, a silent reassurance amidst the chaos of the mission.

As they reached the console, Echo wasted no time in getting to work, his fingers flying across the keypad as he initiated the data extraction process. Amina kept watch, her senses on high alert as she scanned the area for any signs of trouble.

Suddenly, a group of stormtroopers emerged from the shadows, blasters raised and ready to fire. Hunter lifted his fingers to his helmet, “Crosshair, we’ve got troopers 3 o’clock.”

“I can activate an alert to bring the troopers to you two.” Echo said.

“Copy that.” Crosshair responded over comms, as the troopers turned around walking away from them.

Amina kept watch, her senses on high alert as she scanned the area for any signs of further danger. "Anything?" Hunter asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper as he stepped closer to Amina's side.

Amina shook her head, her brow furrowed in concentration as she continued to scan their surroundings. "Nothing yet," she replied, her tone tense with anticipation. "But we should stay on guard.”

Hunter nodded in agreement, his gaze sweeping the area as he kept a vigilant watch for any signs of movement. "Agreed," he said, his voice firm and resolute. "We'll keep a close eye on things until Echo finishes up here."

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Echo's fingers stilled on the keypad, "I've got it," he said, his voice tinged with satisfaction as he held up a small data chip. "The data extraction is complete. We can head back to the ship now."

Hunter nodded in approval, a sense of relief washing over him as he gestured for the team to regroup. "Good work, Echo," he said, his tone filled with gratitude. "Omega, go with Echo, Amina and I will catch up.”

The three of them turned to face Hunter, “the troopers have been taken care of.” Echo said in a confused tone.

“That’s an order, Echo. We’ll be right behind you.” Hunter responded, as Omega frowned before following Echo.

Hunter gestured for Amina to stand as they followed Echo and Omega, “what do you mean by catch up?” Amina asked, “we’re right behind th- ”

He gripped her upper arm and pulled her in between storage crates, his other hand on her mouth to hide her shriek of surprise. “Do you have to be so… aggravating?”

Amina’s eyes widened, “aggravating?” That certainly wasn’t an adjective that she would use to describe herself. Maybe something like incredible or amazing.

“Alluring.” Hunter added on.

“Alluring?” Amina repeated, her confusion growing by the second. Although, she liked that adjective more.

“Do you know how hard it is to concentrate with you around me?” He said, his helmeted gaze tilted towards her lips. “Especially when you’re wearing that.”

A small grin overtook her face, "what? Leggings? I wanted to be comfortable," Amina retorted, her voice muffled by Hunter's hand. She glanced down at her attire, a pair of form-fitting leggings and a loose-fitting tunic, chosen for practicality rather than fashion. "What's wrong with my outfit?"

Hunter's gaze lingered on her for a moment before he shook his head, his expression unreadable behind his helmet. "Nothing," he said gruffly, removing his hand from her mouth. "It's just... distracting."

Amina arched an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of her lips. "Distracting?" she echoed, her tone teasing. "Well, I can't help it if I look good in leggings."

"That's not what I meant," he muttered, his gaze flickering away from her. "I just meant... it's hard to focus when you're around."

Amina's smirk widened into a grin as she leaned closer to him, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Is that so?" she said, her tone low and suggestive. "Well, maybe you should learn to control yourself, Sargeant."

In a quick moment, Hunter took off his helmet and let it drop to the floor as his hands came up to cup Amina’s face as he kissed her.

Amina let out a muffled moan in response, her hands coming up to grip his hair as he pushed her against the storage crates.

Hunter's touch was both gentle and demanding, his lips moving hungrily against hers as he pressed her further into the storage crates. Amina responded eagerly, matching his intensity with a fervor of her own as she deepened the kiss, losing herself in the sensation of his warm embrace.

His lips broke apart from hers, before trailing down to her jaw, “do you know how hard it’s been,” Hunter’s arms wrapped around her waist from behind, “to not kiss you for 2 rotations?”

Amina let out a breathy laugh, “that’s what’s got you all riled up? Because we were on a ship with everyone else and you couldn’t…” she trailed off as his lips trailed down to the side of her neck.

He raised his head to look at her, his fingers underneath her jaw, “you’re one to talk. You were practically burning holes into my back when we got here.”

"I... well..." she began, her voice trailing off as Hunter's touch sent waves of pleasure coursing through her body. "I suppose I've missed you too," she finally managed to say, her words barely above a whisper.

Hunter pulled back slightly, his gaze searching hers with a mixture of concern and longing. "You have?" he asked, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

Amina nodded, her heart pounding in her chest as she met his gaze. "Of course I have," she replied softly, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair away from his face. "I've missed you every moment our lips have been apart." Amina playfully said.

Hunter's expression softened at her words, a warmth spreading through his chest as he pulled her closer into his embrace. "I've missed you too," he admitted quietly, his voice filled with emotion. "More than you'll ever know."

“But really, all you had to do if you wanted to kiss me was pull me into the refresher. Is it truly that hard- ”

“Shut up.” He cut her off, pressing his lips against hers.

Their kiss deepened, passion igniting between them as they lost themselves in each other's arms. Amina's hands roamed over Hunter's back, tracing the contours of his muscles beneath his armor as she pulled him closer, wanting to feel every inch of him against her skin.

Hunter responded eagerly, his hands roaming over Amina's body with a hunger that matched her own.

Amina moaned softly into his mouth, her fingers tangling in his hair once again as she surrendered herself to the heat of the moment. She had missed this, missed him, more than she could ever express in words. Even if it had been only 2 rotations.

She wondered if this was how people in those holo-movies felt. The incessant need to be close to your partner.

"Um, guys? Are you finished making out yet?"

Amina pulled away from Hunter with a gasp, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment as she turned to see Omega standing nearby, a curious expression on her face.

"Omega!" Amina exclaimed, her voice tinged with mortification. "What are you doing here?"

Omega shrugged, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she grinned at Amina and Hunter. "I was just coming to see if you two were okay," she said innocently. "But it looks like you're more than okay."

Amina's cheeks burned hotter at Omega's words, her embarrassment growing with each passing moment. She shot Hunter a sheepish look, hoping he would come up with a way to salvage the situation.

But Hunter only chuckled, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he looked between Amina and Omega. "Looks like we've been caught," he said, his voice filled with amusement.

Amina felt her cheeks burning with embarrassment as she shot Omega a sheepish look. "Uh, yeah, sorry about that," she muttered, her voice tinged with mortification.

Omega grinned mischievously, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "No need to apologize," she replied cheekily. "I'm just glad you two are having fun."

Hunter chuckled again, his arm sliding around Amina's waist as he pulled her closer to him. "Well, I suppose we should finish up here and head back to the ship," he said, his tone light and teasing.

Amina nodded in agreement, eager to put some distance between them and the embarrassing encounter with Omega. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," she replied, her voice tinged with relief.

As they made their way back to the ship, Amina couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude towards Omega. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, Omega had handled it with grace and humor, diffusing the tension and allowing them to move past it with ease.

Hunter bent down to pick up his helmet as he grabbed Amina’s hand, leading them out of the Imperial station and to their ship, with Omega in front of them.

---

“Incorrect. I only need one of you.” He said quietly, turning around to Scorch and Amina as he fired blaster bolts right through Amina’s chest and into Scorch’s head, his helmet not protecting him from the fatal shot.

As Hemlock's blaster bolts tore through Amina's chest and Scorch's helmet, chaos erupted on the landing platform. The sudden violence caught Hunter and Crosshair off guard, freezing them momentarily as they processed the grim scene before them. Amina crumpled to the ground, blood pooling around her lifeless form, while Scorch's body slumped against the railing, his helmet cracked where the fatal shot had pierced through.

Omega screamed in horror and disbelief, her hands shaking as she stared at Amina's unmoving body. "No!" she cried out, her voice filled with anguish. She wasn’t able to move to Amina’s body as Hemlock held her firmly in place.

Hemlock's cold gaze shifted from Amina's body to Omega, his expression unreadable behind his mask. He kept his blaster trained on Omega, a silent threat in his stance. "You see what happens when you defy me," he stated flatly, his voice carrying a hint of satisfaction despite the gravity of the situation.

Hunter's heart pounded in his chest as he raised his blaster, his mind racing with a mix of grief and fury. "Drop your weapon," he demanded, his voice edged with suppressed rage. "Now!"

Hemlock remained unmoved, his grip on the blaster tightening. "I hold the leverage here," he retorted, his voice steady. "Step aside, and I may consider letting Omega live."

Crosshair, positioned slightly behind Hunter, narrowed his eyes at Hemlock. "You're making a mistake," he warned, his voice low and dangerous. "There's no way out of this for you."

Hemlock's lips curled into a disdainful smirk. "You underestimate my resolve, and the resources at my disposal," he replied cryptically, his gaze flickering between the two Bad Batch members. "This is not your fight anymore."

Omega, tears streaming down her face, shook her head defiantly. "I won't let you get away with this," she vowed, her voice trembling with raw emotion. "You'll pay for what you've done."

Before Hemlock could respond, the platform beneath them trembled violently. Hunter and Crosshair instinctively steadied themselves as the ground shook, a deep rumbling echoing through the air. Rain lashed against them, the storm intensifying around the chaotic scene.

“Drop the blasters!” Hemlock yelled at Crosshair and Hunter on the other side of the walkway.

Omega grabbed the tool she got from Emerie, showing it to her brothers.

“Shoot the binders.” Hunter told Crosshair.

“I- I- I can’t. They’re too close. If I’m off- I can’t risk Omega.”

“She knows what to do, Crosshair. Wait for her, then take the shot.”

Crosshair took a deep breath as Omega gave a slight nod before jamming the tool in Hemlock’s thigh. Omega used Hemlock’s shock to step away from him as Crosshair shot the cuffs, separating the restraints.

With a surge of relief and determination, Omega stepped away from Hemlock just as Hunter fired his blaster. The shots echoed through the stormy night air as Crosshair and Hunter unleashed a volley of blaster fire at Hemlock. The bolts struck true, hitting Hemlock multiple times, sending him staggering backwards and over the side of the bridge into the water.

Hunter and Crosshair shared a quick look as Omega instantly ran over to Amina’s body. The rain poured down relentlessly, the storm reflecting the turmoil that gripped their hearts. Amina lay motionless on the cold, wet ground, her chest still and blood pooling around her. Omega dropped to her knees beside her, hands trembling as she reached out to touch Amina’s cheek.

“No, no, Amina, please,” Omega whispered, her voice breaking with grief. She brushed wet strands of hair from Amina’s face, her tears mingling with the rain. “You can’t leave us like this.”

Hunter knelt down beside Omega, pressing his fingers against Amina’s pulse point.

He pressed harder and waited.

And waited.

But he couldn’t find a pulse.

Hunter woke up, his chest heaving as he looked to his side, seeing Amina sleeping soundly with her head on his arm. He looked around their bedroom, taking in the small knick knacks that they’ve added since they’ve lived here permanently.

Amina put up blackout curtains and blinds for his enhanced senses, and she even painted the walls a soft beige to make it seem homier. When he made a small complaint about the pillowcases being a bit too itchy on his skin, the next night he found silk pillowcases and sheets on the bed.

It had been almost been 10 months since Tantiss, and yet the nightmares still plagued him, as they did Amina.

Amina mumbled something in her sleep, her brow furrowing as she blinked around, taking in Hunter's stiff posture. She reached out a hand, gently rubbing his arm in an attempt to comfort him. "Hey," she murmured softly, her voice thick with sleep. "You okay?"

Hunter let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping as he relaxed under Amina's touch. He turned his head to look at her, his expression tense with worry. "Yeah, I'm fine," he replied gruffly, though the strain in his voice betrayed his true feelings.

Amina raised an eyebrow skeptically, her gaze searching his face for any sign of deception. "You sure about that?" she asked, her tone gentle yet probing. "You seemed pretty tense just now."

Hunter hesitated for a moment before finally relenting, his shoulders sagging with exhaustion. "I had a nightmare," he admitted quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. "About Tantiss."

Amina's heart clenched at the mention of the dreaded facility, her own memories of their harrowing ordeal still fresh in her mind. She reached out, cupping Hunter's cheek in her hand as she leaned closer to him. "I'm sorry," she said softly, her voice filled with empathy. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Hunter shook his head, his gaze dropping to the floor as he struggled to find the right words. "It's... it's hard to explain," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "It's just... seeing you like that, knowing what they did to you... it haunts me."

Amina's heart ached at his words, her own memories of their captivity at Tantiss flooding back with painful clarity. She squeezed his hand gently, offering him silent reassurance and support. "I know," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

She moved onto her back as Amina gently brought Hunter's head onto her chest. She could feel the tension slowly melting away from his body. She ran her fingers through his hair soothingly, the rhythmic motion lulling him into a sense of calm. They lay there in silence for a while, the only sound in the room the steady beat of Amina's heart beneath Hunter's ear.

Finally, Hunter broke the silence, his voice barely above a whisper. "I can't shake the memories," he admitted softly, his breath warm against Amina's skin. "Every time I close my eyes, I see you... on that bridge, Hemlock’s shots going straight through your chest.”

Amina's heart ached for Hunter, knowing all too well the pain of reliving traumatic memories. She had seen the haunted look in his eyes before, the lingering shadows of his past that continued to haunt him even in their moments of peace.

After a while, Hunter spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper. "I keep thinking... what if I hadn't found you and Omega in time?" he confessed, his words heavy with guilt. "What if I had been too late?"

Amina tightened her hold on him, her fingers tracing soothing circles on his back as she tried to offer him comfort. "But you did find me, Hunter," she reminded him softly, her voice filled with warmth and reassurance. "You saved me. And I'm here, right now, because of you."

Hunter nodded, his forehead resting against Amina's chest as he absorbed her words. "I know," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "But... I can't shake the feeling that I failed you somehow. That I wasn't there when you needed me the most."

Amina shook her head, her heart breaking at the self-blame in Hunter's words. "You didn't fail me, Hunter," she said firmly, her tone leaving no room for argument. "You did everything you could to save me, and I'll always be grateful for that. It’s not your fault that Hemlock did what he did, to both me and Omega.”

Hunter lifted his head from Amina's chest, his eyes searching hers for any trace of doubt. "But I should have been there," he insisted, his voice tinged with regret. "I should have protected you."

Amina reached up, cupping Hunter's face in her hands as she gazed into his eyes. "Hunter, you were tortured by Hemlock too, along with your brothers. You did everything you could, and it worked, we made it out in the end.”

Hunter's gaze softened at Amina's words, a flicker of relief crossing his features as he leaned into her touch. He knew deep down that Amina was right, that he had done everything he could to save her and Omega from the clutches of the Empire. But the weight of guilt still hung heavy on his shoulders, a constant reminder of the horrors they had endured at Tantiss.

"I know," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "But it's hard to shake the feeling that I let you down."

Amina shook her head, her expression filled with compassion as she reached up to wipe away the tears that had gathered in Hunter's eyes. "You didn't let me down, Hunter," she said firmly, her voice filled with conviction. "You saved me. And I'll always be grateful for that."

Hunter leaned into her touch, his heart swelling with gratitude for the woman he loved. He knew he didn't deserve her, that she was too good for someone like him. But he couldn't help but feel blessed to have her by his side, to have someone who understood him in a way that no one else ever could.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "For everything."

Amina smiled, her eyes shining with warmth as she pressed a gentle kiss to Hunter's forehead. "You don't have to thank me, my love," she replied softly. "We're in this together, remember? Through thick and thin."

Hunter nodded, a sense of peace settling over him as he buried his face in the crook of Amina's neck. He felt her arms wrap around him in a comforting embrace, her presence a soothing balm to his troubled soul.

---

Amina was standing in front of the sink doing the breakfast dishes as Wrecker called out saying he was going back to his and Crosshair’s house to give him breakfast.

Once he had left, and Omega went out to school, something she first complained about since she didn’t think school was worth it, Amina looked over at Hunter who sat at the table drinking caf and reading something on his datapad. “How come Crosshair hasn’t come over in a month? I haven’t seen him in a while.”

Hunter glanced up from his datapad, “he’s… adjusting to his new hand.”

“Oh.” Amina replied, scrubbing the plate. She had forgotten that a month ago, Crosshair had been finally open about getting a mechanical hand, since his was cut off on Tantiss. It was Omega who convinced him, but since then he’s been keeping to himself.

Hunter sighed and put down his datapad. "Yeah, he's been... withdrawn. It's a lot to adjust to."

Amina turned off the water and dried her hands. "Maybe I could go over and check on him. Make sure he’s taking care of his hand.”

Hunter set his datapad down, his eyes softening as he looked at her. "That might be a good idea. He’s been stubborn about accepting help, but he might listen to you."

She gave him a small smile. "I’ll head over now. Besides, it's a good excuse to see how he's doing."

Hunter stood up, reaching for her hand. "Thank you. I know he appreciates it, even if he doesn’t show it."

Amina squeezed his hand reassuringly before heading out the door, making her way to Crosshair’s house. The walk was short, only 30 seconds since they were neighbors. She knocked lightly and waited.

After a moment, the door opened to reveal Crosshair. He looked more worn than she remembered, his eyes carrying a hint of wariness.

"Amina," he greeted, his voice flat but not unkind. "What brings you here?"

"Just wanted to check on you," she said, offering a warm smile. "Mind if I come in?"

He stepped aside, allowing her to enter. The interior of his home was tidy but sparse, a reflection of his practical nature.

"Can I get you something to drink?" he asked, closing the door behind her.

Amina looked at his hand as Crosshair held it to his chest, “have you been lubricating the joints? Making sure the wires are in good shape?”

Amina's question seemed to catch Crosshair off guard, his expression shifting slightly as he glanced down at his mechanical hand. He flexed it experimentally, the joints whirring softly as he moved.

"Yeah, I've been taking care of it," he replied gruffly, his tone betraying a hint of defensiveness. "It's fine."

Amina arched an eyebrow skeptically, her gaze lingering on Crosshair's hand. "Are you sure about that?" she asked, her voice gentle yet probing. "It wouldn't hurt to double-check, you know."

Crosshair hesitated for a moment before finally relenting, a flicker of resignation crossing his features. "Fine," he muttered, his tone begrudging.

Amina nodded in approval, her lips quirking into a small smile. "Good," she said, her voice firm but kind. "And if you need any help, just let me know. I'm here for you, Crosshair."

Crosshair's gaze softened at her words, a rare glimmer of gratitude shining in his eyes. "Thanks, Amina," he said quietly, his voice tinged with sincerity. "I appreciate it."

Amina returned his smile, her heart warming at the sight of the usually stoic sniper opening up to her. She reached out, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before heading towards the kitchen.

As she rummaged through Crosshair's cabinets, searching for the necessary supplies to maintain his prosthetic hand.

After locating a small container of lubricant and a toolkit tucked away in a drawer, Amina made her way back to the living room where Crosshair was waiting. She set the supplies down on the coffee table before gesturing for him to take a seat.

"Alright, let's take a look at that hand of yours," she said with a grin, her tone lighthearted yet determined. "I'll walk you through the maintenance process."

Crosshair nodded, his expression serious as he followed Amina's instructions. Together, they inspected the joints and wiring of his prosthetic hand, ensuring that everything was in proper working order.

Finally, he spoke up, “how do you know all of this?”

Amina looked up from his hand, “Anakin got his hand cut off at the Battle of Geonosis by Count Dooku. He got a hand just like yours and at first, he was angry and didn’t take good care of it. But I ended up learning and taking care of his maintenance until we were being shipped off for battles.”

Crosshair listened intently, his eyes fixed on Amina as she spoke. He had never been one for idle chatter, but there was something about her calm demeanor that put him at ease. "I see," he replied gruffly, his tone softening slightly. "Thanks for helping me out with this."

Amina nodded, her smile widening as she picked up the lubricant and began applying it to the joints of Crosshair's prosthetic hand. "No problem," she said casually, her movements fluid and precise. "It's the least I can do after all the times you've had my back out there."

Crosshair's gaze softened at her words, a flicker of gratitude crossing his features. He had always admired Amina's resilience and strength, even in the face of unimaginable hardship. "You don't have to thank me," he muttered gruffly, his tone tinged with sincerity. "I'm just doing what needs to be done."

Amina glanced up at him, her eyes sparkling with warmth. "And so am I," she replied softly, her voice filled with conviction. "We're all in this together, Crosshair. We've been through hell and back, but we've always had each other's backs."

Crosshair nodded in agreement, a sense of camaraderie settling over him as he watched Amina work. Despite their differences, he couldn't deny the bond that had formed between them, forged in the crucible of war and hardship.

As Amina finished applying the lubricant, she stepped back to admire her handiwork. "There," she said with a satisfied smile, her gaze flicking back to Crosshair. "Good as new."

Crosshair flexed his prosthetic hand experimentally, the joints moving smoothly under Amina's expert care. "Thanks," he muttered gruffly, his tone tinged with appreciation. "I appreciate it."

Amina grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Anytime," she replied casually, her tone light and playful. "Just don't go losing any more limbs, alright? I don't think I can handle any more impromptu maintenance sessions."

Crosshair chuckled softly, a rare glimmer of amusement crossing his features. "I'll do my best," he promised, his tone teasing. "But no guarantees."

Amina rolled her eyes in mock exasperation, a smile playing at her lips. "Typical," she muttered teasingly, her gaze lingering on Crosshair's face. "Just don't expect me to bail you out every time."

Crosshair's smile softened at her words, a warmth spreading through him at the sight of her playful banter.

---

Omega and Amina were in a small hair salon, since Amina’s hair was much too long for her liking. The good thing was, that after the months she spent being prisoner by Palpatine and Hemlock, the black hair dye had faded away, leaving her natural dark brown hair color. And of course, the length of her hair, which was down to her mid back.

She’s never had hair this long, thanks to the Jedi rules, and she hasn’t had time to get a proper haircut. But when she told Omega that she was going to the salon, she readily agreed to come along.

As Amina settled into the salon chair, she couldn't help but feel a sense of relief wash over her. It had been far too long since she had taken the time to pamper herself, and she welcomed the opportunity to relax and unwind for a while. Omega sat beside her, swinging her legs back and forth in excitement as she watched the hairstylist prepare her tools.

The hairstylist, a cheerful Twi'lek named Lila, smiled warmly at Amina as she draped a cape over her shoulders. "So, what are we thinking today?" she asked, her voice bright and cheerful.

Amina glanced at herself in the mirror, running a hand through her long hair as she considered her options. "I think I want to go for something shorter," she replied, her voice soft but determined. "Maybe a shoulder-length bob?"

Lila nodded in understanding, her lekku swaying gently as she moved around the salon chair. "Sounds good to me," she said with a smile, her hands deftly combing through Amina's hair as she prepared to work her magic.

As Lila began to snip away at Amina's hair, Omega watched with rapt attention, her eyes wide with fascination. "Are you sure about this, Amina?" she asked, her voice tinged with uncertainty. "Your hair is so pretty."

Amina smiled reassuringly at Omega, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "I'll still be pretty with shorter hair," she said with a grin, her tone light and playful. "Besides, it'll be much easier to manage."

Omega nodded in understanding, her expression thoughtful as she watched Lila work. "I guess you're right," she conceded, a small smile tugging at her lips. "It's just weird seeing you without your long hair."

Amina chuckled softly, her heart swelling with affection for the young girl beside her. "Change can be a good thing sometimes," she said wisely, her gaze meeting Omega's in the mirror. "And who knows? Maybe you'll decide to try something new too."

Omega's eyes widened in surprise at the suggestion, her mind racing with possibilities. "Maybe," she replied tentatively, her voice filled with uncertainty. "But I kind of like my hair the way it is."

Amina grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Fair enough," she said with a chuckle, her tone teasing. "But if you ever change your mind, I'll be here to support you."

As Lila continued to work her magic, Amina couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment settle over her. Despite everything they had been through, moments like these reminded her of the simple joys in life, the moments of peace and tranquility that made it all worth it.

As the hairstylist put the finishing touches on Amina's new hairstyle, Omega leaned in closer to get a better look. "Wow, you look amazing!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide with admiration.

Amina smiled at her reflection in the mirror, feeling a surge of confidence wash over her. "Thanks, Omega," she said warmly, her heart swelling with gratitude for the young girl's support. "I feel amazing too."

Omega looked over at the window, particularly two bright pink wigs. “What if…”

Amina walked over to Omega, “prank the boys? I like your thinking, Omega.” She raised her hand, “Lila, would you mind giving us these two pink wigs? And maybe help us put them on?”

Lila smiled mischievously at Amina and Omega, "oh, I love a good prank," she said eagerly, reaching for the two pink wigs displayed in the window. "Let's make this happen!"

With Lila's help, Amina and Omega donned the bright pink wigs, adjusting them to fit securely on their heads. As they admired their new looks in the salon mirror, Amina couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of herself with bubblegum-pink hair.

Omega grinned beside her, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "This is gonna be hilarious," she declared, her voice filled with anticipation.

Amina nodded in agreement, her own excitement building as she imagined the reactions of the boys when they saw their new hairstyles. "Let's go give them a surprise they won't forget," she said with a grin, leading Omega out of the salon and towards their house.

As they approached the door, Amina couldn't help but feel a flutter of nervousness in her stomach. She had never been one for practical jokes, but the thought of seeing the looks on the boys faces was too good to pass up.

Taking a deep breath, Amina pushed open the door and stepped inside, Omega trailing close behind her. The living room was empty, the only sound the faint hum of the holoscreen playing in the background.

"Looks like they're not here," Omega observed, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

Amina shook her head, her eyes scanning the room for any sign of the boys. "They must be out back," she said with a shrug, making her way towards the sliding glass doors that led to the backyard.

As they stepped outside, Amina and Omega were greeted by the sight of Hunter and Crosshair sitting at the outdoor table, engrossed in a game of dejarik. They looked up in surprise as Amina and Omega approached, their eyes widening at the sight of the two girls sporting matching pink wigs.

"What in the galaxy..." Hunter trailed off, his voice filled with disbelief.

Crosshair's expression was similarly incredulous as he took in the sight before him. "What happened to your hair?" he asked, his tone a mixture of confusion and amusement.

Wrecker let out a boisterous laugh, “ha! You look amazing, kid!” He high-fived Omega.

“Please tell me you didn’t yours and Omega’s hair pink, cyar’ika.” Hunter said.

Amina smirked, her arms crossed defiantly as she met Hunter's incredulous gaze. "Yep, totally did. Right, Omega?" she confirmed, shooting a playful wink at her accomplice.

Omega grinned mischievously, nodding enthusiastically. "Uh huh! We wanted to try something new," she chimed in, her eyes dancing with excitement.

Hunter shook his head in disbelief, a bemused smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You two are something else," he remarked, his tone a mixture of amusement and exasperation.

Wrecker let out a hearty laugh, his eyes crinkling with mirth. "I think it's awesome!" he exclaimed, his voice booming with enthusiasm. "Pink hair suits you, Amina!"

Amina grinned at Wrecker's enthusiastic response, her confidence bolstered by his approval. "Thanks, Wrecker," she said with a chuckle, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

Hunter arched an eyebrow skeptically, his gaze flicking between Amina and Omega. "You two planned this, didn't you?" he asked, his tone tinged with amusement.

Amina shrugged nonchalantly, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Maybe," she admitted with a smirk, her tone playful. "But where's the fun in giving away all our secrets?"

A strong gust of wind blew, billowing their clothes and making Omega’s wig fly off and into the air. Her blond hair was frizzed and messy as she shrugged her shoulders and gave a small smile.

Wrecker looked between the two, “w- wait. It’s not real?”

Wrecker's question hung in the air, punctuated by the gust of wind that sent Omega's wig flying. Amina and Hunter exchanged a knowing glance, their lips quirking into amused smiles.

"It's just a wig, big guy," Amina said with a chuckle, reaching out to ruffle Omega's blond hair affectionately. "We thought it would be fun to prank you guys."

Omega grinned sheepishly, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "Sorry," she mumbled, her eyes darting between the amused faces of her companions.

Wrecker let out a booming laugh, his shoulders shaking with mirth. "Ha! You got me good, kid," he exclaimed, clapping Omega on the back with a grin. "I never would've guessed it was fake."

Crosshair rolled his eyes in mock exasperation, though there was a hint of amusement in his gaze. "You two are incorrigible," he remarked dryly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Hunter chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling with amusement as he watched the playful interaction unfold. "Well, I have to admit, you definitely surprised us," he said with a grin, his tone warm and affectionate.

Amina smirked triumphantly, her heart swelling with happiness at the sight of her friends and loved ones enjoying themselves. "Glad we could provide some entertainment," she quipped, her tone light and playful as she pulled her wig off her head.

Hunter chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling with amusement as he watched Amina and Omega interact. "You two are quite the pair," he remarked, his voice warm with affection.

Amina grinned, tossing the wig aside as she moved to sit next to Hunter. "Well, what can I say? We know how to keep things interesting," she replied cheekily, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

Hunter's smile widened at the gesture, his arm instinctively wrapping around Amina's waist as he pulled her closer. "That you do," he agreed, his gaze softening as he looked into her eyes. "But I wouldn't have it any other way."

Amina's heart fluttered at Hunter's words, a rush of warmth flooding through her veins at the love and tenderness in his gaze. She leaned into his touch, relishing the feeling of his arms around her as they sat together in comfortable silence.

---

Amina hummed to herself as she scrolled through her datapad late at night. There was nothing good on the Holonet, most of it was propaganda for the Empire, but she didn’t have much else to do after her nightmare.

She didn’t want to wake Hunter, which was why she was in the living room mindlessly scrolling. Quiet footsteps broke her out of her revery as she looked to the side to see Omega holding her doll Lula to her chest.

“Hey, honey. Are you okay?” Amina asked gently. She set aside her datapad, giving Omega her full attention as she waited for a response.

Omega shuffled into the room, her expression a mix of sadness and apprehension. She hugged Lula tighter to her chest, seeking comfort in the familiarity of the plush toy. "I had a nightmare," she admitted softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Amina's heart clenched at the confession as she moved to comfort the young girl. She opened her arms, silently inviting Omega to come closer. "Come here, sweetheart," she said gently, her voice soothing and reassuring. "You can tell me all about it."

Omega hesitated for a moment before crossing the room and sinking into Amina's embrace. She buried her face in Amina's shoulder, her small frame trembling with the weight of her fear. "It was about Tantiss," she murmured, her voice muffled against Amina's shirt. "I saw Hemlock taking me again and then Hunter and Crosshair coming out on the bridge. And then I saw you, blood covering your chest…”

Amina's heart ached at Omega's words, her own memories of their time at Tantiss still fresh in her mind. She tightened her arms around the young girl, offering her silent reassurance and support. "I'm here now, Omega," she whispered softly, her voice filled with warmth and love. "You're safe with me."

Omega nodded against Amina's shoulder, her tears soaking into the fabric of her shirt. She clung to Lula tightly, seeking solace in the familiar comfort of the doll. "I'm sorry," she sniffled, her voice choked with emotion. "I know I shouldn't be scared, but... but I can't help it."

Amina held Omega close, rubbing her back soothingly as the young girl sought comfort in her embrace. "It's okay to be scared, Omega," she murmured softly, her voice gentle yet firm. "What you went through was terrifying, and it's natural to feel afraid after experiencing something like that."

Omega nodded against Amina's shoulder, her tears continuing to flow as she clung to her doll for dear life. “What did he do to you?” Omega whispered, her voice so quiet Amina could barely hear it.

"It doesn't matter what he did to me, Omega," Amina whispered softly, her voice filled with warmth and compassion. "What matters is that we're both here now, safe and sound. And as long as we stick together, we can get through anything."

Omega lifted her head from Amina's shoulder, her eyes searching her face for any sign of deception. "But I want to know," she insisted, her voice tinged with determination. "You were… covered in blood when we saw you and… you could barely move.”

Amina’s heart broke more, knowing that both Hunter and Omega had similar nightmares about her, on that bridge, blaster shots through her chest. She took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts before speaking softly, "I was hurt, Omega. But I'm okay now. And I promise you, I'm not going anywhere."

Omega looked up at Amina, her eyes searching for reassurance. "But what happened?" she pressed, her voice trembling with fear.

Amina hesitated, unsure of how much to disclose. She didn't want to traumatize Omega any further, but she also knew that honesty was important. Taking a moment to collect her thoughts, she began to speak, her voice steady despite the turmoil in her heart.

"I was… it wasn’t much, just some electro-shock torture, some fun stuff with an interrogation droid, cutting my arms, and giving me some tranquilizer.”

Omega looked over at one of Amina’s arms, that was rubbing her back, “are all your scars from Hemlock?”

“No.” Amina replied, “only on the arms. The rest are on other parts of my body from the Emperor.”

“What did he do?” Omega asked.

Amina gently put a hand on Omega’s head, pushing it down on her chest, “maybe another day, honey. I don’t want to trouble you.”

Omega nodded, sniffling softly as she buried her face in Amina's chest. She clung to her tightly, seeking solace in the warmth of her embrace. Amina held her close, rubbing her back soothingly as she whispered words of comfort and reassurance.

They stayed like that for a while, the only sound in the room the steady rhythm of their breathing. Amina closed her eyes, feeling the weight of Omega's small form against her chest. Despite the darkness of the night, she felt a sense of peace settle over her, knowing that she was there for Omega in her time of need.

---

As Hunter woke up, he turned on his side, blinking his eyes and quickly realizing that Amina wasn’t in bed with him. It was the weekend, which means she doesn’t get up early which instantly put him in a panic.

He got out of bed and opened the bedroom door, quietly walking through the hall and into the living room, where he saw two figures laying on the couch, fast asleep.

Hunter's heart skipped a beat as he stood in the doorway, watching the two figures curled up together on the couch. The beginnings of sunlight filtered in through the window, casting a soft glow over the room as he approached, his footsteps quiet against the floor.

As he drew closer, Hunter's heart swelled with affection at the sight before him. Amina and Omega lay entwined on the couch, their bodies pressed close together in the intimate embrace of sleep. Amina's arms were wrapped protectively around Omega, her face peaceful and serene as she cradled the young girl against her chest. Omega had Lula in her arms, and he noticed Batcher curled up on the floor by the couch.

As he reached the couch, Hunter couldn't help but feel a surge of warmth in his chest at the sight of Amina's arms wrapped protectively around Omega. The love and tenderness in her expression filled him with a sense of awe, reminding him once again of just how lucky he was to have her in his life.

Gently, Hunter knelt down beside the couch, his gaze shifting between Amina and Omega as he watched them sleep. He reached out a hand to brush a strand of hair away from Amina's face, his touch light and tender as he traced the curve of her cheek.

With that, he decided to go get dressed and go to the market to get some sweet rolls for breakfast before the two of them wake up.

With his purchase in hand, Hunter made his way back through the market. Pushing open the door to the house, Hunter stepped inside, the scent of freshly baked sweet rolls filling the air as he made his way to the living room. Amina and Omega were still asleep on the couch, their peaceful expressions melting his heart as he set the bag of sweet rolls down on the coffee table.

Gently shaking Amina awake, Hunter leaned down to press a soft kiss to her forehead. "Hey, sleepyhead," he whispered, his voice warm and affectionate. "I brought breakfast."

Amina stirred awake, her eyes fluttering open as she blinked up at Hunter in confusion. "Hunter?" she murmured sleepily, rubbing her eyes as she sat up on the couch. "What time is it?"

"It's still early," Hunter reassured her with a smile, reaching for the bag of sweet rolls on the coffee table. "But I thought you might be hungry."

Amina's eyes lit up with delight as she caught sight of the sweet rolls, her stomach rumbling in anticipation. "Sweet rolls!" she quietly exclaimed, her voice filled with excitement as she reached for one of the pastries. "You're the best, Hunter."

Hunter chuckled softly at Amina's enthusiasm, his heart swelling with happiness at the sight of her smiling face. "Anything for you, sweetheart," he said fondly, as he watched her take a bite of the sweet roll.

tags: @callsign-denmark

[some-thrilling-heroics]

5, 15, and 25 for the asks

ohhh thank you! 😳😁

5. What's a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?

I am a big tagger, I love going through ao3 post searching for tags that might apply before i even finish the fic to post. i discovered some wild tags out there XD and i love having all important beats and emotional things reflected in the tags.

one thing i was a bit conflicted abt my latest work was if to tag it with 'child murder' or sth when it wasn't actually real and permanent? i left a warning in the notes tho and tbh kinda... forgot abt the whole thing myself lol (now i kinda feel i maybe should have tagged it but those who need warning can still see the note so 🤷‍♀️)

TL;DR: the tag i would never want to use would be something i would not want to write about in the first place. give me all the tags!

15. What's your favourite plotless fic you have written?

ohhh 🤔i think all my fics have some kind of plot. the one i can think of that's just character coming in thru the door and sobbing his heart out with zero explanation anywhere in the text is Make it Better (Magnus & Raphael, sh). that's an oldie.

25. Is writing the whole thing beforehand better or worse than writing it as you go?

i tried writing and posting as i go but that's not working for me. at least not for anything bigger than 10k maybe (Expectations was sort of spur of the moment bc i wanted to post something for a Wyll event, wrote chapter 1 in one evening and the entire thing in a week, but it's a short simple thing)

i often have a lot of regrets with fics like that bc after posting or midway thru the story i think of something that could have been added as a foreshadowing or to slowly gradually build a theme over a longer span, or anything like that, that if i have entire thing to work on is just so much easier to build it up and up and.... aaaand that's how I end up with longer and longer fics that run away from me *eyeroll* but ya, i LOVE writing scenes out of order, and rearranging them to fit better and make a coherent narrative, bc apparently when i write i even have to reorder sentences in a paragraph to make it flow logically from A to B.

[flyingwargle]

clara's writing notes: paper cranes

to celebrate the release of origami hearts, i'm sharing my process behind paper cranes and how the rest of the series came to be. more under the cut! (it's kinda long, sorry haha)

part i. the idea

the idea behind the initial drabble of suna folding a paper bouquet for osamu comes from when my mom brought home a takeout menu from a restaurant and my sister and i were making fun of the print job. it got me thinking about sunaosa because osamu could have misprinted menus and he keeps them for suna, who likes folding origami.

(can you believe this was one of my very first sunaosa writings ever)

i remember writing this drabble on the commute to school. i needed context, and was mostly making it up as i went, but at some point, i decided that a drabble was insufficient. i needed to expand this into a fic.

part ii. outlining

i retained elements from the drabble to serve as the foundation for suna's backstory and role that the cranes would play. i had a really rough structure of a plot sequence but was missing a lot of small details in between.

at this point, i wasn't overly concerned about the relationship - i think i already accepted the fact that there would be a continuation that actually led to established sunaosa instead of pre-relationship.

a lot of details were changed. initially, suna was going to live in a share house with other students like him, and he was going to live off combini food - i changed this after seeing a twitter post commenting on inarizaki's wealthy status.

the initial outline was quite bare, and i mostly made things up as i wrote. this is how my projected 10k oneshot ended up being 16k. how did it end up being 28k? well...

part iii. drafting

paper cranes started with the story of sadako and the thousand paper cranes, which is a real story that i read around the time.

(out of this introduction, i only kept suna's mom's quote)

i didn't intend to dive too deep into suna's dysfunctional family, nor intend to make it as angsty as i did. however, as i wrote, details about his family and why he came to inarizaki became inconsistent, which was one of my major gripes while writing and rereading.

i wrote the first draft all on one document, not knowing how long it would be, and lamented about it on twitter (also on tumblr). suna was all i thought about while writing, and i was scandalized by how long-winded his story was taking. it was supposed to provide context for a measly drabble, and here he is, taking up more words than i intended him to have.

(this didn't make the cut, obviously, as i drastically changed suna's dad's character. i think i was trying to make both parents equally abusive, but his dad ended up playing a bigger part, while his mom remained more passive)

(you can see that there isn't much abuse present in the first draft, but details contradicted with each other - from his mom's callous words, his dad's "support" but also he threw a bowl at suna (that was in the first draft) and then his appearance here. suna collapsed solely due to stress and anxiety in the first draft, which is still present in the final, but ended up being saddled with more angst)

suna's collapse was one of the first events that i thought of. he initially went home with osamu before returning to the dorm, but i decided to skip that part and bring in azusa for the final.

a lot of events in the first draft were shifted for the final, including the scene where suna teaches osamu (and officially, atsumu) how to fold a crane.

the ending is about the same, with suna returning home after the inter-high to learn about the divorce, and everything after that. i was relieved to finally have finished the draft, after it got away from me. i left it alone, wrote two fics in the meantime, and brainstormed the revision for about a month before starting the second draft.

part iv. revising

the main things that i focused on during this stage were filling in holes and maintaining consistency. i focused a lot on suna's family situation, thinking of how it could lead to trauma in future installments (at this point, i'd already started brainrotting a second fic, even a third. i only had vague details and snippets, though). i wanted to be respectful with my presentation of a topic like this as well, so i delved quite deep to consider different aspects of the abuse and how to show it.

with this serving as the background, i created a much more thorough outline.

when it came to writing, i still did it all in one document but eventually discovered that there is no way i would publish it all as a oneshot. instead, i broke it into chapters, dividing the word count as evenly as possible among them. this is why there aren't any chapter titles or synopses - i didn't account for them while posting.

to be honest, i wasn't sure what to expect while posting. i went from writing rarepairs in genshin with regular commenters to a slightly well-known pairing in hq, so the reception i got was...underwhelming. i ended up posting the remaining chapters in a few days because i wanted to get it over with and focus on sakuatsu (i did not end up writing sakuatsu since sunaosa had taken over my brain). it's my hope that origami hearts will have a bit more love, as it focuses on osamu and they finally kiss.

fun fact! paper cranes was originally origami hearts but was renamed because of a severe lack of hearts. instead, i shifted the title to osamu's part of the story, and eventually came up with a third installment.

(the issues that osamu is working through is his identity crisis)

i hope that was a fun dive into paper cranes! i plan to post my writing notes for origami hearts as well after it's all posted <3 stay tuned!

[ggukkieland]

📕BTS Fic Reads - 2021 March pt. 1

I appreciate all these fics as they’ve provided me comfort, distraction, etc during these times. So thank you dear authors. Sending you love 💖

If you end up checking the fics in this list, please don’t forget to show appreciation by reblogging or giving positive feedback to these authors 🥰.

Note: if link doesn’t work, click on author and go to their masterlist

🥕 Ongoing - most recent chapter [as of date this list was posted] 🥕 Completed - completed one shots | series 🥕 S - smut | F - fluff | A - angst 🌷 with commentary on completed fics (if reading these help)

--- Some are new, some re-reads, while some are past reads that haven’t been reblogged yet. Mostly mature.

🥕[Ongoing Series] - Social Media AUs (SMAUs)

Catching Feelings @na-na-na-nanna​ - MYG | smau | Goblin!Yoongi, Fantasy, must kiss humans to gain human emotions | Crack, F, A, S [12/?]

Cursed @bloomsuga​ - KTH | smau with written parts | Supernatural AU, Witch!Taehyung, Cursed!Reader | Crack, F, S, slight A ! [3/?]

Just Facts @yoongiiverse​ - JJK | smau | Rich Idol!jungkook, Model Dancer!Reader, Enemies to Lovers | Crack, F [5/?]

Kinda Hot @kimnjss​ - KTH | smau with written parts  | Campus Flirt!taehyung, Bestfriend!Reader, Bestfriend AU, College AU | S, F, A [15/?]

Made of Honor @suhdays​ - KTH | smau with written parts| best friend AU, made of honor!au (like the film) | F, A [18/?]

Best Man @yoontaethings​ - KTH | smau | enemies to lovers, player taehyung? | F, A, S (written) [6/?]

🥕[Ongoing Series]

🌹 Jungkook

Almost Home [reposted/revised] @angelguk​​ - JJK | 27k+ | Single Dad AU, Nanny, slight Fake Dating | A, F [2/?]

Bands @xpeachesncream​​ - JJK | 55.9K+ | Idol AU, Stripper AU | A, F, S [14/?]

Confident @h0neypjm​​​ - JJK | 13.1k | Fuckboy AU, Virgin!Reader | S, F, A ~ [2/?]

It’s a Heartbeat @inkofyoongi​​ - JJK | 23k+ | Enemies to Lovers, College AU, their parents are dating, Jungkook is the South Korean Patrick Swayze and this will turn into a Dirty Dancing!AU nobody asked for 🤭 | A, F, S [1/?]

No Harm List @crazy4myself​​ - JJK | 93.5k+ | Mafia AU, Gang AU, Slow Burn | A, F [10/?]

Normal Kind of Love @/yoontaethings - JJK | 2.5k+ | Actor AU, Exes AU, Enemies to Lovers | A (so far) [1/?]

Open When @iluv-hobi​​ - JJK | drabble series, 2.6k | idol au, established relationship, epistolary | F ~ [2/?]

Picture Perfect @cosmoguk​​ - JJK | 5k+ | parents AU, exes AU (divorced) | A, F | [1/?]

Sleepyhead series @jkstompers​​ - JJK  | 18.2k+ | College AU, Seatmates AU, Crush AU (lol is there such a thing) | F, S

Sleepyhead - “you fall asleep during class next to the uni heart throb jeon jungkook, will you fall in love as well?” 1.8wc

Just to Study - “your seat partner asks if you’re free after class, just to study.” 7.4wc

Passing Notes - “a year of crushing and jungkook’s finally asked you out on a proper date.” 9k wc

Supermodel @koogalore​​ - JJK | 10K+ | Exes AU, infidelity AU, Jungkook is a jerk, Curvy!Reader, talks of body image | S, A [3/?]

The Realm @nottodayjjk​​ - JJK | 3.5k+ | Mystery, Fantasy, OC wakes up in a dark place not knowing where she is, afterlife feels | A [3/?]

The Weeping @themfchase​​ - JJK | 6k+ | Medieval, Dystopian, War, Fantasy AU, Romance, angels/demons | A [1/?]

Wasteland @iridescentjin​ - JJK | 4.5k+ | Sci-Fi AU, Post-Apocalyptic AU, isolation | A (so far) [1/?]

Your Love’s the Only Hoax I Believe In @sparklingchim​​ - JJK | 12.7k+ | College AU, Fuckboy AU, FWB AU, Tutor AU, Unrequited Love | A, S [2/3]

🌹 Yoongi

Birthday Girl @btsarmy9593​​ - MYG | 22K+ | one night stand AU, Noona AU, Professor!Reader, Post Grad AU | F, S [5/?]

Daechwita @/jinings (temp deact) - MYG | 20k+ | servant!yoongi - king!yoongi, princess!reader, period drama, Historical AU | All that Yoongi knows is that King Park must be killed- he just didn’t plan falling in love with his daughter along the way. | A, F, eventual S [2/?]

Silent Dreams @starlightauroras-writes​​ - MYG | 5.7k+ | Best Friend AU, sleeptalking OC while dreaming dirty thoughts about her best friend | S, F [1/?]

🌹 Multi/OT7

Holy Trinity @koyalov​​ - JJK x KTH x PJM | 9k+ | FWB AU, infidelity AU (other woman), Rockstar AU, Band AU, Bestfriend!Jungkook, FWB with other maknaes (yes it’s complicated) | A, S  [1/?]

Playmates @scribblemetae​ - OT7 | 22.6k+ | Idol AU, Sex Worker AU, Strangers to Lovers | S [2/?]

Roses @heejinnien​ - OT7 | 12.7k+ | Crime AU, Mystery, Horror, OC becomes target of the unsub | A [4/?]

by Author

Foxymoxy [AO3] - (JJK)  been following this author since last year (A Sea of Indigo, Hybrid AU) and her fics are amazing. Currently subscribed to these three (out of four) fics which get updated weekly:  🌷

Meadow (Wolf, Shifter AU, Arranged Marriage)

Amended (Arranged Marriage, Fake Marriage, Police Office AU, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Lovers)

Lowlander (Fantasy AU, Enemies to Lovers, Fighter Jungkook)

@jimlingss​ Drabbles 2021

Three Peas in a Pod || Fluff || Namjoon || Single Dad!AU 🌷

Suspended, Seduced, Surprised! || Fluff || Jungkook || E2L

Lotus Blooms in Mud || Angst || Jimin || Historical!AU

Buttering Up || Fluff || Yoongi || Chef!AU

The Office Trip to Pound Town || Smut, Fluff || Taehyung 🌷

Snow White and the Park Ranger || Fluff || Seokjin 🌷

Humdrum Amore || Fluff || Hoseok 🌷

Awaken Again || Angst, Fluff || Namjoon || Sci-Fi!AU 🌷

The Soulmate Gift || Angst, Fluff || Yoongi || Soulmate!AU

Floof’s Tail || Fluff || Jimin || Hybrid!AU 🌷

Take What Isn’t Mine || Smut, Angst || Jungkook

Crocodile Tears || Fluff || Hoseok || Pirate!AU 🌷

🥕[Completed Fics/Series]

Namjoon

Little Red @/bloomsuga - one shot | 22.5k | Werewolf AU, got lost in the woods, inspired by Little Red Riding Hood | S, F, A

Pheromones @rmnamjoons​​ - one shot | 17.5k | Spaceship Captain!Namjoon, Botanist!Reader, Sci Fi AU, Pining | S, F, A 🌷

Stuttering @moonlightchildz​​ - one shot | 11.6k | Tutor AU, Underground Rapper, College AU, Secret Identity | F, S  🌷

There’s a Fly in My Soup @sahmfanficbts​​ - drabble | 1.8k | Cafe Owner x Customer!Namjoon, Cafe AU, Strangers to Lovers, Crack  | F, A (in form of one very stressed OC) 🌷

You’ve Got a Friend in Me @wwilloww​​ - one shot | 3k | Bestfriend AU, Roommate AU, interesting idea to reduce stress levels | S 🌷

Seokjin

All I Ever Wanted @hayjeon​ - one shot | 10k | Teacher AU, Enemies to Lovers AU | F, S 🌷

Voicemail @joonary​​ - one shot | 7k | College Podcast AU, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Bestfriend AU | F (💕fluffy day reblog)  🌷

What Made Us Feel Human @joonsgalaxy​​ - drabble | 2.3k | Neighbor AU, thought neighbor’s noise is due to sex but it’s something else, Crack | F 🌷

Yoongi

Accidents @jungxk​​ - drabble 2.4k | Dad AU, Comedy | F (💕fluffy day reblog)🌷

Are You Still With Him @/joonsgalaxy - drabble | 1.7k | Roommate AU, Producer AU, Friends to Lovers, secret pining, use of song lyrics in the fic | F (I really love how it made use of different song lyrics in the story) 🌷

Avec Mes Souvenirs @palpitate-hyperventilate - one shot | 3.5k | Nikita!AU, Assassin AU, Trainer Yoongi | A

Dad Yoongi + Pawful Experience by obiwrites (through reblogs of her old posts) - drabble | 2.1k | Husband AU, Dad AU, presence of Holly and one resistant Yoongi | F (ugh this is the cutest) 🌷

Earn It @sugasbabiie​​ - one shot | 5k | College AU, Professor AU, PWP,  PLOT TWIST! | S, A 🌷

Hidden Stars @jungblue - series [5/5] | 37.3k | Idol AU, Love Triangle, some reference to infidelity | A, F, S  (a reblog of old faves) 🌷

In Character @kookingtae​​ - one shot | 5.7k | Pornstar AU, “actor au where yoongi plays a burglar who breaks into your house and has his way with you.” | S 🌷

Listen Closely @avveh​​ - one shot | 12.2k | Office AU, Coworker AU, accidently received a recording of Yoongi 🌶🥵💦 | S (reblog) 🌷

Love Language @gukslut​​ - one shot | 5.3k | Established Relationship, use of the Love Language concept | A, S, F (reblog) 🌷

Overstayed Welcome @kaep-jjjang - one shot | 7k | secret crush on yoongi, yoongi to the rescue when a one night stand won’t leave, friends to lovers | S

Selfish @write-this-way-please - two shot [2/2, sort of discontinued] | 3.8k | Coffee Shop AU, kinda hated each other, then a bit of surprise by end of Part 1 | Part 2 feat Namjoon | S, A

Slip @kinglykook​​ - one shot | 5.2k | Roommate AU, Enemies (kinda), OC slipped | S (a rediscovered fic 🤩) 🌷

Tsundere @dovechim​​ - one shot | 11.2k | College AU, Resident Advisor | S, A (a reblog) 🌷

Hoseok

To The Beat of My Heart @jeonggukingdom​​​​ - one shot | 7.2k | Dancer AU, use of mirror 🥵💦| S, pwp 🌷

Written on Our Veins @army-author​​​ - two shot [2/2] | 33.2k | Soulmate AU (💕heart day reblog) 🌷

This is Not a Love Story @sincerelyourfangirl - one shot | 8.7k | breakup au, infidelity, but happy ending for OC | A 🌷

Jimin

Cordially Jimin @kpopfanfictrash​ - one shot | 6.1k | Office AU, Epistolary (through correspondence), Humor | F (💕fluffy day reblog) 🌷

Saturday Mornings @craztextae​ ​ - drabble | 2.2k | Pining AU, Strangers to Lovers(?), Plot Twist! | S 🌷

Girls Like You [Don’t] Run Around with Guys Like Me @ktheist​ - one shot | 4k | popular!reader x shy!jimin, Rich Kids AU, FWB AU, College AU, ends as CEO (PJM) and Racer (OC) | A, F

Taehyung

A Letter in Roses @artaefact​​  - one shot | 8k | Husband AU, CEO AU, appearance of Yeontan | F, implied S

A Timely Malfunction @/joonsgalaxy - drabble | 2.9k | time travel, friends to lovers, prompt:  “What? No, I never said that.” | F

College FWB Drabble + PDA + Miscomm @yukheii - drabble | FWB AU, College AU | F (seriously this is super cute) 🌷

Handsy @jinned​​​ - one shot | 3.7k | Roommate AU, Bestfriend AU, Childhood Friends AU, Pining | taehyung helps her during time of need | S, F 🌷

Hold Still @/joonsgalaxy - drabble | 2.1k | CEO AU, use of flashlight 🙈 | S, pwp ( I’ll Never look at flashlights 🔦 the same way again)

Not Even Close @lovetrivia​​ - drabble | a powerful 600 wc | enemies to lovers, college au, hookups | S, pwp, A 🌷

Of Mages and Swords @masterninjacow​​ - one shot | 40k | Fantasy AU, King Arthur AU, Royalty AU, Action, Romance | A, F 🌷 #holygrailfic

Potent But Not Real @whatifyoulivelikethat​ - one shot | 5k | Assassin AU, Office Worker Taehyung | S, A

Talk Slow @writtenwhalien​​ - one shot | 6.4k | brother’s best friend, Exes AU, never have I ever game | A, S, F

The Temp @jkeuphoriadreamland​​ - one shot | 8.2k | Enemies to Lover, CEO AU, Taehyung has arranged marriage with someone else (headed for divorce) | S, F 🌷

Jungkook

gets a separate post due to too many fic reblogs 😬 (see link below for PART 2)

I love to read so feel free to recommend a fic posted: 2021 March 24 link to other reading lists  | Mar Part 2

[dinitride-art]

Hi. Do you mind explaining all the shit that's happened in the byler tag in the last 2/3 months?

I’ve only been here since June (ignoring the two times before this that I went into the byler tag and landed in the middle of the static picture and the homophobic dog meme- both times were very confusing but I get it now) and… to be honest it’s kinda a lot. But to give you a time line of what I can remember-

1. Vibrant waters “leaks”- I think that these were either fake leaks before vol.2 came out, or that they were early drafts. Anyways I believe this twitter user said that they used to work on Stranger Things and posted pictures of scripts they claimed were real to mess with people.

2. Vol.2 dropped; we were devastated. For about 24-48 hours all hope was diminished but there were still a few brave souls who posted positive stuff into the tag. Also worth noting that at this time, the tag was much smaller. I think it was somewhere in the 10k-30k range.

3. Slowly but surely people started to come back to the tag and analyze stuff. I think that people looked in the milkvan tag and saw that people were saying the monologue was terrible for mike and el- and then we’re like, wait. Wait a goddamn minute here. Still not fully recovered yet, but getting there.

Then being different + you’re the heart by @causeineedu dropped about two weeks after vol.2 and that’s the thing that pulled me back in fully. (A bit after that I started writing my lighting analysis- because the van scene broke me-)

We were also starting to discuss the cabin lighting at this time.

4. I remember that right before I got to the van scene portion of my analysis (idk what happened in between all this- and sorry that I’m talking so much about my analysis, it’s just the only timeline I’ve got in my head that I can latch onto) we started talking about the hearts in will’s eye in the van scene. That was a whole thing

5. 8flix, scriptgate, the weeks of waiting, the controversy, betrayal, confusion. Trending #1 on twitter. It was a lot. (We get weekly script snippets from st writers on twitter now, so that’s something)

6. The arise of cults??? I’m still confused about this one. I know the lore of the tag, I’ve been here for a very interesting chunk of it, but I cannot for the life of me explain it. @whathappened-inthe-bylertag has a lot more on this type of stuff, and what happened in the byler tag before that.

7. Mikhailgate. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t really to involved in this one. But basically it’s Will x mikhail (that one guys son). There’s some fics, I was aware of this happening enough that I did read some of them. But still idk.

8. Scriptgate continued, blue and yellow, analysis.

I think that’s all that I can remember, sorry that this probably isn’t very helpful. I do recommend looking through the person I tagged above for more context and info

[levis-coffeecup]

Chapter 15 | All that is lost

WC-9.9 k

Content/Warnings

canon- compliant, canon-typical violence, descriptions of PTSD, grief, depression, heavy angst and themes, strong language.

Author's note:

Brace yourself for this really really long chapter, because some it's almost 10k words long and idk how.

There are 2 scenes in this one, and the first one takes place a month after chapter 14, where Levi and Mae kinda confront each other. And the second scene is a month after that. (So basically, 2 months covered in this one chapter)

Also I'm sorry, there's been quite a delay on my side. Its 1:26 in the morning which does mean that I'm almost 1 and a half our late and Sunday has already ended. But also the fact that I had been posting in the afternoon the past weeks. (I was in my hostel and we don't have good internet there at night, so I was posting the chapters early, but now I'm back home for a week, so I took my time🤡)

So in short, i'm really sorry if someone was waiting and i showed up 12 hours later lol.

The song for this chapter is lost on you - by LP. I hope you guys like it!

Chapters

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Masterlist | Playlist | Other Works

SEPT 846

Cold air blows in Mae’s face, as she wipes the tear that rolls down her cheek. The river streams below the rock she sits on. And the moon is out, crescent shaped today. Shining its light on the clearing in the forest.

She takes in a deep breath as she looks down at the ebbing river. And even though she doesn’t see her reddened face in all the darkness, she doesn’t need sight to know that her face is swollen from all the crying.

She’s doing well as a doctor. The bar is good as well, no man has gawked at her ever since the Levi incident. And she’s not alone, she has Hange and Raz. 

Things are fine, and there is no blatant reason to be upset. But she is still crying.

It feels like there is so much sadness trapped inside of her. And she doesn’t know why it's here or how it got here. But she carries it everywhere… And it comes out at random times, in the form of the quaking of her shoulders and the glossy film that covers her eyes.

Her tears feel cold against the blowing wind. The sound of the flowing river fills her ears. And the stars in the sky blur out due to the moisture laced in her eyes.

 It's been so long since she’s been here. To her spot, to the place that used to offer her so much solace.

But today, as she sits here and feels the sturdy rock beneath her body, she is reminded of the time when she first met Levi. Days spent sitting under a cedar tree, on the outskirts of the clearing. Giving a mere stranger some space because to her he looked upset.

And now he stands behind the same tree where she once sat. Staring at her instead as she cries on the rock. The tables have turned and life has drastically changed. And there seems no way for things to get back to how they once were. So naive yet spiteful. 

September is about to end in a week, And it's almost been 2 months since that day when Levi beat up that creepy customer and created a scene. And since then he’s been coming to the bar daily, he hasn’t missed a single day.

He stays at the bar for her entire shift. From 8 to 12. Glaring at anyone who even looks at her. And it's not just that.

He follows her back to her house as well, and he only leaves when he sees her shut the door and blow the candles off. Resting safely inside her home. 

And oh! How hard she has tried to get rid of him.

She left his table uncleaned. Told Raz to ignore him and not serve him anything. She even added salt in his tea some days, and yet he drank it without filing a single complaint to the manager. Without even making a face. 

And she’s failing again. History is repeating itself. In the most ironic way. Just like 2 years back, when she was trying to get him out of her spot.

And yes his presence does make the bar a much safer place. Raz feels more comfortable as well. But Mae doesn’t want her stupid heart to throb for him once again.

She wants to forget about him. She left her job, she left everything she had, for this, and now he comes chasing after her. Acting like her bodyguard. 

Acting like the man she fell in love with.

Her mind feels heavy with thoughts. And her thoughts are crashing inside her like a hurricane. Messing up everything that stands its way. Her head throbs and she clutches it with both of her hands. Her fingers dig into her scalp and she lets out a frustrated groan.

It's all the same, just like all those days back then. She isn’t able to get him out of her spot and she isn’t even able to get him out of her heart.

And Mae doesn’t understand how Levi is even managing everything? Have his duties as a captain magically reduced? Or does he not need any sleep anymore?

Her mind flashes back to the day after, when she lashed out on him. Weak and miserable, begging for him to cooperate.

It was raining, so hard that Mae thought a storm would come in.

The bar was jam packed, filled with customers and people taking shelter from the rain.

And words couldn’t describe the disappointment on her face, when she found Levi sitting at the same cornered table, with that same damned cloak on. As if she never begged him to get away from, just a day prior.

The rain stalled for a minute. And her feet moved on a will of their own, ignoring all the customers who were waiting for her to come to their table. 

She pinched the fabric of his cloak, and dragged him outside the noisy bar.

The streets were quiet and water filled up all the crevices in the cobblestone path. There was hardly anyone in sight, and to Mae this filthy, mud covered street seemed like the perfect place to confront Levi. 

Or maybe it was her desperation, her mind that was begging her heart to forget him. And her heart, that was poorly failing. Trying everything in hand to not think about him, 

And yet he was here at the bar, acting as if nothing wrong ever happened between them. Acting like she still was his friend, and he still cared.

Mae pivoted around, hand still clenching on to the fabric on Levi’s shoulder. And her face was filled with venom as she sneered. “Why are you here when all I want from you is to not be in my life anymore?”

But Levi was quiet as usual, head facing down and body so still, as if she wasn't even saying anything . It reminded Mae of the day she confessed to him.

And anger seeped into her system, at his lack of response. “LEVI! I’M A MARRIED WOMAN, YOU NEED TO STOP PLAYING THESE GAMES WITH ME.”

Levi remained quiet again. His cloak covered half of his face. And Mae couldn’t see the expressions on his face, but she knew the man in front of her wasn’t the indifferent, cold man who never breaks out of his demeanor.

It was something else, maybe a part of him that he had caged deep within him.

Thunder cackled through the clouds, and it was only at that moment that Levi looked up. Reaching his hand forward towards Mae, that he knows, shudders at the sound of thunder. 

And it was true. She had shriveled up, hands hugging herself and eyes wide in a moment of fear. 

Her heart was beating faster, and she didn’t know whether it's for the thunder that scared her, or for Levi’s hand hovering over her shoulder. 

She never told him that she’s afraid of thunder… it must have been something he observed. And just like always he knew her like the back of his hand. Every fear, every desire and every thought.

It felt like time had frozen. They looked at each other, eyes filled with unspoken words and buried emotions. 

One contemplating whether it was wrong of her heart to still beat for him, when she had long decided that she needed to forget him. And the other contemplating whether he was allowed to touch her anymore.

The silence was broken by thunder once again. The rain picked up, even stronger this time. Drenching the both of them whole in a matter of seconds. 

But they stood still, lost in time and in the downpour of their emotions.

Mae heaved out a sigh as she pulled her eyes away from him.

She hated herself. She hated herself so much for being weak. For still feeling for a man who had hurt her so many times. Who’s thoughts still made her cry every night.

She turned to his hand that hovered over her shoulder, and forced a grimace on her face. And Levi withdrew his arm back, as his eyes fell back to the ground once again.

“Mae… “ His voice cracked and he took in a breath to compose himself.  “Yesterday you told me that it’s a person’s will that’s the strongest… And you were right, because I can only break their bones and dislocate their shoulders, but they still have the choice to not surrender, even if they are in a… horrible condition.”

He looked up at her and a fire reflected in his eyes. “Your life is your own, and at the end you can do whatever with it. You can choose anything from the options in front of you, even if the options are shitty… And I have chosen for myself to stay here. Because I’m not leaving you to work all alone at night…That’s my will. Do whatever you want. I’m not going to let anyone harm you here… and I’m not going to leave.”

His resolve was evident in his voice and Mae’s lips quivered as she took in a shaky exhale. 

Why was he here acting like the man she fell for, when all she wanted to do was forget him? Couldn’t he just continue being an asshole and make things easier for her? 

Why was he here with his decision to stay, when all she wanted was for him to be gone from her life and her heart?

The rain pattered against her frame, and she was grateful, because it hid her tears so well. 

But this was Levi we are talking about. The man who knows her as well as the back of his hand.

She turned around, wanting to be as far away from him as she could. But Levi’s hand was quick to grab on to her wrist. He didn’t want her to leave with a sullen expression like that. 

He’s wanted her happy, he’s always wanted her happy. 

Her head swiveled, and she looked back at him. Face blank and eyes cold.

“M-Mae, I’ll never hurt you,” his voice cracked. 

A painful expression took over Mae’s face. ‘You've already hurt me Levi,’ it said. And Levi’s eyes widened as it told him exactly what she was thinking./ everything about the thought in her head.

“.... physically.” He muttered out, to save himself from the weight of his own actions.

His hand was still latched onto her wrist. It was cold and Levi’s body was always the first to lose its warmth when the weather dropped.

And he was sodden in the rainwater… he could catch a cold.

But Mae wasn’t supposed to care about him anymore. 

So she shaked her hand out of his grasp. And walked back into the bar with heavy steps.

Levi has always been a violent man. This clearing itself stands a testament to it. 

The first day she went to him, he tackled her to the ground. And the other day in the market, he beat someone up just because they were looking at him?

But there is more to it, Levi doesn't just beat up people for looking at him. If that was the case, then she would have been long dead by now.

Hange says Levi gets violent when he’s angry, annoyed or overwhelmed, sometimes even when he’s stressed. Or when he needs to prove a point. 

In a way violence is how he expresses himself. He doesn’t crack under the pressure, he explodes loud enough that everyone feels his rage.

It has something to do with his past, Hange said. He has had it very harsh, they said.

And Mae can’t help but think how brutal Levi’s past must have been, if he believes in philosophies like ‘strength is all I need to survive’?

She lets out a defeated sigh, as another tear slips down her eye.

Why he did what he didn’t doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter.

The point is that Levi is a violent man, and she’s known that ever since the day she met him.

So why did her heart manage to discard the things she already knew about him? How did she be so blind in her love for him?

Levi never told her much about himself. Yeah, she knows about all his likes and dislikes, and all his small quirks. But she doesn’t know about his past, she doesn’t know about his parents. Heck, she doesn’t even know his surname.

And the irony is that she doesn’t know him well. But right now it feels like she doesn’t know herself as well.

She looks into the mirror and she doesn’t know the woman who blinks back at her.

Because the woman she thought she was, was cautious. Never a risk taker. Always walking meters away from any danger.

And even though she has always been quite sentimental, a part of her was always rational. Able to decipher the truth between all her emotions. 

She knew that the evacuees would be abandoned one day. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to save her parents. Because the odds were against it. And it was the bitter truth that her heart learned to accept the first month after the announcement of the mission itself.

And no smart person offers food to a cat that bites back.

Then why is her heart so hell bent on playing with fire? Why is a part of her so adamant on understanding why Levi did things the way he did?

It's only now that she sees the way she’s latched on to him. The death of her loved ones left a void in her heart and Levi was the quick relief that took all her pain away. And she was so distracted by the rush of her heart that she hardly paid any attention to the void that weakened her from the inside. 

He was something she relied on, instead of strengthening her own will. And it's been 4 months since the day he held her up by the collar, but imagining a life without him still feels hard.

It's cold, so cold.  Her teeth clatter, and her body shivers. She crosses her arms and places her hands on her shoulders. Trying to warm her body by rubbing her palms.

But the sound of footsteps comes to her notice. They are silent and fast, like Levi’s. And she knows they are coming towards her because of the fallen leaves that they crush on their path.

The footsteps are coming closer but she is reluctant to turn around. For once she wants to be lost in her own world, without any reminder of reality. For once she wants to be left alone.

A coat falls onto her lap . It's the Survey Corps cloak. And the hands that keep it next to her are pale and calloused.

“You’ll catch a cold.” Levi’s voice is gentle. And she doesn’t need to cast a glance to know he’s wearing a thin white cotton shirt himself. Because she’s seen him throughout her entire shift plenty of times already.

Levi stays there for a moment, standing next to her, and staring at the river ahead.

He follows Mae back everyday. And he sees the house she’s now living in. It's despicable, just a single room, with a metal shed on top, in the poorest section of the city. 

She’s working as a waitress. Living in a house, smaller than the dorms in the Headquarters.Working at a cheap clinic in the slums.

And all he wants to do is to beat that damned Ivan. He wants to steal all his money and get her settled in Sina. This isn’t the life he wanted for her. This isn’t the life that he distanced himself from her, for.

But he holds it all inside of him. She wants him out of her life and he doesn’t have the right to barge into her life anymore. Not when he himself kicked her out of his.

And he blames himself for the situation she’s in. He should have interrogated that fucking husband of hers personally, and he should have spoken to Mae as well. 

He should have taken her thoughts into consideration, before assuming what's best for her.

And he’s so ashamed of himself, that he doesn’t even find the courage to look at her. He failed her, he hurt her. The one person who’s cared for him selflessly. The one person who’s been gentle with him.

But if he did take a chance and meet her eyes, then he would see the sadness trapped in her insides.

Mae shifts her position, so her back faces Levi and he doesn’t see her cry. 

There goes her heart beating faster again at the gesture. And there goes Levi, toying with her feelings once again.

At this point she’ll never get over him.

And Levi grimaces, as Mae keeps his cloak on the spot next to her instead of wearing it. An exhausted sigh escapes his mouth, and then he turns around and walks back to the cedar tree.

But he lets the cloak be, on the rock, just beside Mae. Just in case it gets too cold and she changes her mind.

His footsteps fade away and Mae shudders as another tear escapes her eye. 

Every time Levi comes to her, the same question surfaces in her mind.

What about her bandaging his hand out of sheer concern made him feel cornered and pushed him into a state of violence?

What about her just trying to be a good friend and looking out for him, got on his nerves?

Was she being too annoying back then? Did he need more space? And did she fail in giving him that?

Because it's so annoying now, when he follows her back to her house everyday. Yeah, his intentions are good and he’s just protecting her, but she doesn’t want him here. She wants to stay away from him.

And she can’t help but think that maybe Levi felt the same way back then as well.

Her father always told her that it's in the toughest times that teach you the most.

And the past months have been so painful, if nothing she wants to learn something from it. She wants to come out a better person.

Nothing in her control is in her life anymore. She’s making money but it's not enough. She has a job but its not stable enough.  And the one thing she was sure of that she would do, was forgetting Levi.

And even that seems impossible now that he’s always in front of her.

But the hate she has for him, is a poison in her own heart. And she doesn’t remember the last time she truly felt happy

Her face turns into distaste every time she sees him. And it's sad that she still has so much power over her. Enough to ruin her mood at the mere sight of him.

It's only now that Mae realizes that ever since her parents died she only found happiness in Levi. And he became the source of all her joy.

And it's time she takes control of her happiness. It's time she learns to make herself happy.

Maybe they were never meant to be, but one thing's for sure. Levi’s care wasn’t a pretense. It wasn’t an act he put up just to earn her favor. And maybe Hange was right all along. Maybe he does like her.

But the moment is long gone, and things have forever changed.

No feelings can undo what happened between them.

And she’ll learn to forgive him, but she’ll not let him in her life until he gives her a valid explanation for his actions that day. Not until he proves to her that violence isn’t something he goes to whenever he gets angry. That his violence isn’t a beast that he can’t tame.

The unknown is unfolding. 

She doesn’t know where she’s headed, she doesn’t know where she’ll be a few months from now. And she doesn’t know what’s going to happen between her and Levi.

But the stars are twinkling brightly above her, and it reminds her of the words she told Levi on that starry night.

“There will always be so many things that are out of my control, but I just want to keep doing all that I can. I want to stand tall amidst all the chaos and I want to make the most of the limited time I have…”

The things that are happening are out of her control again. And she is trying her best. Once again it's time to make peace with it. It's time to heal.

And she’ll learn to be patient with the heart that she’s hated for so long. And maybe she’ll stumble on the path, make a mistake and flop down. But she’ll get up.

She has to get up.

The water gushes below her, moving through every obstacle its way.

And just like the water, she’ll learn to persevere.

She’ll learn to let go, and be carefree. She’ll learn to be light and to not take everything so seriously.

And she’ll adapt to every situation and find happiness no matter what.

And just like the ebbing water, she’ll go where the wind takes her. She’ll change, she’ll learn and she will have the faith that good things are coming for her.

━━━━━━━━━━━━

OCT 846

The sound of clinking glasses echoes through the illuminated halls of Tipsy Titan Hours. And the once cramped bar, mellows down as the moon rises higher and higher.

Raz glances back, her head whirling and eyes lagging, as she scans across the empty seats and tables for the millionth time. And once again her eyes are quick to land on the quiet table in the corner. ”My vision is hazy, but I'm ssure he's still starin' at ya.”

"...It doesn’t matter anymore.” Mae hisses as the cool metal of the jug meets her sodden lips. The golden beverage promptly washes down her throat,  and a burning sensation now covers its trail.

She slams her jug on the desk, and rolls her head back in contentment, "my head hurt-sh... but 'tis feels good, to just forget for some time." 

Glasses clink, and in a matter of seconds they are empty as well. Raz pushes herself up again. Hands propping against the stale table as she gets up to bring another beer bottle. 

It's around 12. Working hours are close to an end, and perched on the center table are the waitresses, wasted. 

Today has been a hectic day. A celebration marking the one year anniversary of Tipsy Titan Hours. Free drinks were served to everyone, and the bar was jam-packed for hours. 

But now that roaring crowd has finally dulled, and the workers are free to have whatever they want as well. After all, it's their hard work that has also contributed to the success. 

And so, Mae has been spending the past hour drinking. It's not something she would have done a few months back. But she is changing, and what is life if you don’t open yourself to new experiences?

Levi sighs with distaste, as he looks at her empty another mug down. The table she sits on is filled with blotches of alcohol. Fuck that, the entire tavern is so damn dirty, usually it just stinks of booze but today it stinks of sweat as well. Because of all the people who have danced here in their drunken state today.

And instead of cleaning all the shit up, the waitresses lay wasted. Gulping bottle after bottle themselves. Every inch of Levi’s body is telling him to leave and it's taking every ounce of resolve left in him to stay put in place.

Tch, if he knew that his life would end up like this, then he wouldn’t leave the underground in the first place. 

He takes his eyes off the musty tavern and looks at the window next to him. Staring at the streets of Jinae, which are empty and quaintly silent.

He just hopes that Mae knows what she’s doing, and she isn’t wasting her life away.

Thoughts of her fill his head again, and he turns his head to watch that silly, drunken lady who captures all his heart. 

But he only pots Raz. Mae’s seat is empty and he doesn’t see her around the other tables as well.

Levi's face contorts into a frown as worry swells up in his heart, and in an instant he gets up and marches towards Raz. "Where is she?"

"Uhm... to my left." Raz speaks blankly, and she swivels her head to the left. Only to be met with an empty seat again. "To my right then.”

“Your drunk as fuck," Levi jabs as he turns around and wanders through the dimly lit interior.

And Mae’s name tumbles out of his lips as soon as he spots her through the partly open bathroom door. 

She’s on the floor, body hunched over the toilet seat, as violent fits make her lurch forward and empty the contents of her stomach out.

In a breath, he’s beside her, holding her soiled hair back as he stares at her face, flushed and sticky with sweat. 

The bathroom is the filthiest of them all, and the stench of the washroom and alcohol, makes his nose crinkle in utter distaste. But more than that, it's Mae.

She reeks. Of sweat, ale, and vomit. And a dark crease runs along Levi’s forehead as his eyes hover over her face. It's a pity to see her in a condition like this. 

Her brows are pulled close, and numerous lines of tension are forged between them. And her eyes are shut tight as soft pants leave her smeared, red lips. 

And as filthy as she looks, she also looks like she is in pain. And so, his free hand finds its way to her back, rubbing long strokes, in an attempt to soothe her. 

Mae looks at him solemnly. And Levi doesn't miss the slight downturn of her lips and how instantaneously her hand grips the wall for support as she tries to stand up. 

Only to fall into his grasp once again.

"You can't even hold yourself upright,” he comments.

She throws a wary look his way and tries to free herself from his clutches. But Levi holds her upper arm in an iron grip. ”Don’t act so reckless, you’ll fall to the ground and hurt yourself” 

But obviously she doesn’t listen and continues to struggle to take her arm out of his. “Levi,” she squirms as her brows scrunch up in frustration.

And Levi freezes, eyes wide and lips parted in fright. Shit, did he mess up again, was that way too harsh? Did he hurt her… again?

In an instant, he takes his hand away from her and staggers back, caught off guard by the thought and the horrible feeling it brings along. 

Mae wobbles away from him, out of the bathroom. Towards Raz, who has dozed off on the sodden table itself. And Levi watches her figure slowly fade away. Because these days, all that he can seem to do is to watch her slip away from him, again and again. 

"RAAZ-" Mae extols, raising her arms up excitedly and shaking it side to side, with much vigor. But her loud call hardly seems to rouse the other waitress from slumber.

Her speed increases, and her heel lands on a wet patch on the floor. Her foot slips due to her hasty pace. And Mae doesn't know what surprises her more, her embarrassing fall or the hands that instantly catch her entire frame.

Levi is beside her again, one arm around her waist and one around her shoulder, as he helps her up. And he’s glad that the crowd has completely simmered down, and now it's just him, Mae, Raz and the cashier.

It will save Mae from all the embarrassment she’ll have to deal with tomorrow, when she comes back to her senses.

“Mae, let's go home.” Levi’s voice is soft and imploring.

But she ignores him and continues moving forward. Pace still as fast as before. And it's only his support that’s holding her upright and not letting her topple to the floor. “Mae, you’re going to hurt yourself this way… please… let me take you home,” he continues.

“Leviii,” she drones out, “do you have to be so damn stubborn and persistent all the time… I wanna have fun.” she pouts. And Levi sighs defeatedly as he helps her sit on the tall bar stool.

Raz is asleep right beside her, and Mae's entire attention shifts to her. She pokes and prods at her colleague. Whining like a little child, asking for her to wake up and have another shot with her.

And Levi looks at her softly.

“Raz is fast asleep, how about you sleep as well?” He says as he slides the beer bottles to his side of the table.

All he wants for now is to keep her away from alcohol. She’s vomited once, and if she keeps having alcohol after that then it will just lead to her stomach getting worse. And it might also lead to alcohol poisoning or blackouts.

“You know you come in my dreams sometimes… and how do I know I’m not already asleep and you aren’t dream’ Levi?” Mae’s words slur as slowly turns her head towards him.

Levi‘s posture stiffens and warmth gathers to his cheek. His perpetual shyness floods back to him, and it's been so long since he has felt this way. His lips quirk up a little, reminiscing such moments that would happen so often in the past. And at the fact that she dreams of him… 

And well he thinks of her too. She’s stuck in his mind and seated in the chambers of his heart. Like a guest who’s way too comfortable. Who’s found his place and will never go back home. 

And just like he can’t tear his heart away from her, he can’t take his eyes off her as well.

Every part of Mae’s face is tinted red. Her eyes are red, her cheeks are red. And Levi is so dazed by the situation that he can’t even make out whether the reducing distance between them is just a stupid imagining of his heart. Or whether Mae is actually so drunk that she is leaning forward… to kiss him or something. 

Then he feels her breath graze the slant of his nose. And he freezes, eyes wide and any intake of breath, halted. 

“I’m gonna be wild tonight,” she says as she looks into his eyes. Face extremely close to his and her hand reaching out towards the beer bottles that he has stacked at the other end.

"W-what?" Levi almost topples off his chair, his ears flushing red as inappropriate scenarios fill his head. And god bless his quick instincts and his fingers, that clutch on to the table and help him balance himself. 

"I am gonna drink till 1, and then I'm gonna dance till 2, which is why I can't go home now… you need to understand." She pleads with seriousness as she drags a bottle from his side to hers. And the sound of glass screeching against the wood, brings Levi back to his senses.

“Oi,” he warns as he snatches the bottle away from her and shakes his head.

“But Levi… I want more.” She pouts and he sighs to himself. She’s going to be in a horrible state tomorrow morning. Probably regretting everything and down with a nasty headache.

But she’s made her decision, even though in a shitty state. And he has crossed his boundaries once, but he’s not going to do that again. He has no right to tell her how to live her life, when he himself kicked her out of his.

And so he’ll protect her from the sidelines, he won’t impose his choices on her anymore. Because that is what caused all the mess in the first place.

So Levi watches, as she ruins herself. And he’s beside her, filling her glass with water whenever she reaches out for some beer. And he’s beside her, holding her hair back whenever she’s in the bathroom, vomiting. Even when it hurts to see her like this.

It's a little against his judgment, but he isn’t going to stop her from doing what she wants. As long as she is safe, he’s fine with it. And as long as he’s here, he’ll let nothing happen to her.

And as much as he’d say she’s in a pitiful and defenseless position right now, she’s smiling. And it's been so long since he has seen her like this. So lively and untroubled.

And so he’s beside her, ready to catch her whenever she gets up to dance.

He scans the tavern once more, checking for any dangerous objects that Mae might hurt herself with. And his eyes land on the cashier, who’s busy watching the both of them, instead of reading the damned novel in her hand. A string of curses fly out of his mouth at her prying eyes and her callous attitude, and he flashes her a disdainful look.

But then his eyes land back on Mae and they soften once again. She’s prancing around the tavern, halting at a chair, or speaking to a flower vase placed in a corner. Like a child, so bright and carefree. And it's been so long since he has seen her like this. Without any worry or a tear rolling down her cheek.

He would see this side of hers so often. In the days when she would share without thinking about how much she’s receiving in return. And when she would put hours of effort just to make him some pie to appreciate the small wins of his life.

It was the part of her that loved selflessly, that cared limitlessly. Without taking into account the cruel realities of the world… and of people. And he hurt her… He hurt the inner child that she so courageously showed him.

And even though it's completely his fault, he’s tired of seeing her hurting.

 She smiles at everyone, but it never meets her eyes. And even though no one else might be able to tell the difference, Levi can see the sadness brimming inside her. 

Even now, her cover of sadness is only broken due to temporary the haze of the alcohol. 

But he’s glad nevertheless. He’s glad she can have a single moment of rest and he can have a moment of reprieve as well. 

Mae reaches to his usual table, and lifts the tote bag he always carries around up. And Levi throws her a thumbs up in return, indicating she can do whatever she wants with it.

And she takes a red book out of it. The same red one that made him realize his feelings for her. The Fable of the Fallen Apple.

She shuffles towards him, and takes a seat on the bar stool next to him. And then she starts reading the story to him, just like the good old times. 

It reminds him of the days when she used to tutor him, except she’s holding the book in the opposite direction.

And he looks at her, chin resting on his palm and fingers drumming against his cheek. Eyes as soft as possible.

He decides he likes it. Even though her words are slurring and things just hardly make sense.

It's been so long since she has been like this with him. Having a normal conversation and not caring what anyone else thinks,

And very soon this will also fade. The contempt in her eyes will be back, and her voice will be quelled with sadness again. And he’ll go back to watching her walk away from him. Again and again.

And so he stays in the moment today. Savoring every word she says and every breath she takes, so it doesn’t hurt as much when she’s gone.

Half an hour passes by and the cashier finally says that it's time to close the tavern now. That working hours are close to an end, and it's time to wind up and clean the place.

Levi gets up as soon as hears the words. And makes his way towards her with some money in his hand.

“Sir you don’t have to pay today,” she responds politely as Levi extends the cash forwards towards her.

“This…,” he throws her a stern look but no one can deny the ever darkening hue on his cheek. It's prominent even in the dim light.”... Is too keep your mouth shut about all that was happening today.”

“… And,” Levi continues. “Make sure she reaches home safe, that redhead who is fast asleep right there.” He points towards Raz, who’s now snoring in her slumber. 

Mae rests there as well.  Almost mimicking Raz's position as she rests her head on the table. Utterly exhausted with all the prancing she has done in the past hour. 

His face softens in an instant.

Today she’s not here. The cautious, caring woman whose father told her to only drink in a safe place, with safe people. And today he’ll be gentle and patient, the man that he failed to be for her.

He walks over to her, and dotingly his hand lands on her shoulder. "Mae, let's go home." 

She shifts her head towards him, and the slits of her eyes lazily open for a split second as she glances at him. But she remains quiet and offers him no response.

“The store is closing… we need to go home now.” 

But the request garners no response again.

"Mae, please, let me take you to your house."

"B-but…  I don't wanna go home. I don’t like it there." She mutters out slowly and he grimaces as the words leave her mouth.

The sound of footsteps coming close feels louder in the silence that settles between Levi and Mae. And the tension in the air only reduces when the cashier steps in, and stands next to Raz.

And Mae tries to get up as well, as she sees Raz being woken up. But she’s had so much alcohol that she can’t even stand on her own feet. 

And Levi sees only one solution to the problem. 

“We’ll go to the headquarters okay… that works for you?” He speaks out a little softer. He may not have the right to pry into her life anymore and know all her problems. But he’s still here for her, and he’ll still help her whatever way he can.

She hums in agreement, and slowly they make their way out of the musty tavern.

The streets are quiet, the night is dark. The light from the street lamps brings out the texture of that cobblestone path. And Mae’s front is pressed to Levi’s back as he carries her back to the Survey Corps headquarters. Giving her a piggyback ride.

Her calves sway along with every step he takes, and her face is beside his, so close that he can feel her breath in and out.  A gush of air hits their face, and he breathes in a sigh of relief.

Finally he’s out of that filthy tavern and fresh air touches his face again.

“This feels awfully familiar doesn’t it Levi.” Mae mutters, voice low and hoarse from all the drinking she’s done with Raz today.

And Levi reminisces a little as he thinks of the day when those thugs attacked him. She stayed with him, begging and yelling that she won’t leave when he was repeatedly telling her he’d be fine on his own.

It is a memory he will cherish forever. “It does, except this time you are stinking.”

Mae falls quiet at his words and then she exhales heavily. “I really despise you sometimes Levi. You play with my heart in the worst ways possible.”

He falls quiet at her statement, and his shoulders wilt a little. A question lingers in the back of his head. One that he has been wanting to ask her forever. Do you hate me?... Because sometimes I hate myself too. 

But she beats him to it.

“But I still can’t bring myself to hate you… I don’t think I could ever hate you… You saved me and then you hurt me.  But you were you all along. It was me, who’s perception was distorted. It was me who clung to you because I thought I couldn’t do without you. I had low self esteem, I was lonely. And so I was the reason for all my heartache…” She pauses, and then her voice comes out much more sadder. ”I know I messed up and I should learn to find happiness all alone. I should have been more careful, less naive but it just hurts sometimes you know. …I’m never the first choice. Be it with Mr. Mendes, be it with you. I give all that I have in all my relationships. And every time someone else turns out to be more valuable than me…”

She lets out a sigh as she rests her chin on his clavicle and mutters,” I miss my parents so much. My friends as well. I don’t even know why I bothered staying. I should have just worn an olive cloak and offered myself to a titan.’ A sardonic laugh escapes her mouth.

And Levi frowns at the miserable joke. "Shut it, it's not funny. Don’t joke about dying to the titans.”

“I know I shouldn’t…” her voice cracks and somehow it turns more melancholic. “ But it’s so lonely without them, my family, my friends… Everything feels worthless.” 

What she is saying right now, is what she feels in the depths of her heart. Things she knows she might be wrong for feeling. And thoughts she knows, that will get her nowhere.

These are the thoughts she doesn’t want to settle with, and the thoughts she’s always fighting against. These are things that she’s admitting in her drunken state.

And Levi wants to cower and hide. He’s never been good at consoling and shit, and he wants to act like she never said all these things. He wants to continue staying invulnerable and never get his feelings out.

But he also knows these feelings all too well. These feelings of loneliness. And he doesn’t want her to suffer all alone with them, just like he does.

“Also I am heartbroken but I’m not dumb. I’m only telling you all this because you are ‘dream’ Levi, and just my imagination…The actual Levi will never touch me in a state like this… I am absolutely filthy.” She starts rambling, and in all her chatter, Levi tries to compose himself.

And he can feel the heat gathering to his cheeks as he tries to force some words out. “L-listen M-Mae.” 

It's hard. It doesn’t suit him and he's so unused to speaking out loud about his feelings. But he’s not going to let her feel miserable forever. He’s not going to succumb to his inner demons.

And he is going to comfort her with all the softness that remains in his heart. “You are not all a-alone… y-you might not consider it, b-but I am–.” He pauses again, to collect his thoughts, and calm himself. 

The air is heavy. And Levi is fumbling and stuttering with the way he is expressing himself. And much to his relief the moment is broken by sudden taps on his shoulder.

.“Levi, something’s coming up… I can feel it.” Mae speaks with urgency. 

And he almost freezes for a second. All thoughts of Mae and her loneliness simmer away, and for the first time in many years, Levi panics.

“NO NO NO,” He gets frantic, eyes wide as he scans every nook and corner. Then he spots a tree, at least 50 meters away and he darts towards it. “You need to control it, hold it in. HOLD IT IN.” 

“Levi h-hurry,” her voice is strained, and Levi tries to move as fast as possible, also making sure that his speed doesn’t further dislodge the contents in stomach.

The air feels heavy again, but this is a different kind of heavy. Filled with a different kind of suspense. 

The tree is just a few meters away,  but alas Levi is too late. 

“Le-” an ungraceful,  hideous sound pierces through the air. Right out of Mae’s mouth into his ear “-vi.”

And Levi halts in his tracks, eyes wide and eyebrows raised up, taking a moment to process what just happened. 

And it’s only after a minute that he comes back to his senses and sneers, “you just BURPED, in my ear.” 

Nevertheless, he’s very glad it's just a burp and not vomit.

Mae is still for a moment, and then she slouches again, chest pressing fully against his back as her chin goes back to resting on his collarbone. “‘M sorry… but Hange says why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it.”

Laughter ripples past his lips. This time it isn't a stifled chuckle or a subtle giggle. But a loud obnoxious cackle. ”You and Hange… “ he speaks in between breaths. “You and Hange will be the death of me.”

And Mae smiles at his words as well. Because Hange is amazing and iconic.

Shops and houses pass by, as Levi resumes walking at his regular pace, and Mae’s eyes remain wide awake. Staring at all the stores, almost searching for something.

And then her eyes light up, when she spots a shop all too familiar. Decorated with creepers and veils climbing along its white walls. “Is the bakery open? Can we go inside it.”

“It's 1 in the morning, obviously they’ll keep it open for you.” Levi retorts with blatant sarcasm.

And she huffs against the crook of his neck in response.  “I’ve not had a pastry in so long,” she drones out, and Levi frowns at her words. He vividly remembers how often she would have a pastry. Almost one every week because she's always been a firm believer of celebrating the small moments. And celebrating life in itself without any reason or accomplishment.

But he decides not to dwell on the topic any further, because it might make her upset. 

“All that energy is finally depleting hmm? It’ll make you easier to handle… What’s got you so energetic today, anyways?” He asks, as he changes the subject.

“I’m happy! I had a lot of fun with Raz today.” Her voice lights up and even though Levi can’t see her face  because of the position they are in. He knows that she is smiling with how sweet her voice sounds.

He smiles a little at that as well.

The rest of the journey passes by in silence. Mae closes her eyes and rests against Levi’s frame, and Levi listens to the thump of her heart against his chest . She’s so close to him, and she still stinks. But he’s glad nevertheless, He’s glad she had fun, and he’s glad he's getting to spend some time with her in so long.

In a way, all of this is wrong. She’s married and if she wasn't drunk she wouldn't let him touch her like that. But it's all going to fade away anyways. It will be ripped away from him just like everything is, and so he’ll stay while everything lasts, even if it's just for a day.

The headquarters come into sight. Time is running out, and a part of him doesn’t want to put her down. He wants to relish in her warmth that he's experiencing after so long.

But she needs rest, and she needs to sleep on a proper bed. So he enters the dim hallways and makes his way to his quarters.

His quarters are covered in darkness, with not a single candle flame flickering. But Levi knows this place as well as the back of his hand.

He places Mae on the couch, and quickly makes his way around to light a few candles.

And if Mae was in her senses she would have noticed that his room isn’t as clean as it used to be. The tea bags are hastily left on the kitchen counter, the bedsheet isn’t creaseless anymore. And what adds to it, is the stacks of paperwork piled both on his desk and even inside a few shelves.

But the alcohol rests heavy in her system, and her eyelids are shut close in exhaustion. She sighs in relief, finally a soft, comfortable surface to rest upon.

Much to her dismay, she is woken up by the sudden cool feeling that touches her skin. Her eyes open partially and Levi stands in front of her with a wet towel in his hands. “Levi let me sleep, what are you doing?” She calls out in frustration.

“It's not good to sleep with so much product on, not good for your skin… And your dress is stained everywhere, you are not sleeping on my bed with that on.”

But Mae feels so drowsy that she hardly listens to him. Her eyes close midway, heavy with sleep and she sits still on the couch, completely unbothered with whatever Levi is doing.

And Levi stands in front of her, dipping down from his back, as he scans her face. And cupping her jaw as he holds her face straight.

If only she’d open her eyes, she would see how close he is. She would see the red on his cheeks. And if only she wasn’t this sleepy, she would have felt how clammy his hands are, due to nervousness.

He takes in a deep breath and his hands quiver as he roves the towel over her eyelids. With all the gentleness that he can garner in his hardened fingertips. And as the makeup comes off from her skin, he sees the dark circles that now encircle her eyes, and skin that looks so dull and lifeless, filled with acne

And his silver eyes flock with concern as he stares at her a little longer.

She looks battered, like a worn out soldier who’s been strong for too long. 

And she’s here, because she didn’t want to go home. She doesn’t like it there. The thought itself fills Levi’s mind with rage and fear. 

And all that he knows for sure is that he is going to beat the shit out of her piece of a shit husband. 

"Is your husband treating you like shit?" he asks, with his voice drawn taut and jaw clenched.

"What husband?" she mumbles incoherently.

And Levi sighs, as he looks at her and her passed out state. He gets up defeated, and picks the comb he brought along as well. And then he moves behind the couch and positions himself behind Mae’s seated figure. “Straighten up, I’ll comb your hair.”

She gives in thoughtlessly, and it's only when Levi sees the clumps of hair that fall out of her head, does he notice how thin her hair has gotten.

He realizes he hasn't seen her properly in months, and now he sees her on the verge of breaking.

He gets visibly sadder at the thought, and in a mere attempt to distract himself he gets up and stands in front of her again. Wrapping both of his hands around her upper arms as he says, “come I-I’ll help y-you g-get changed.”

Mae’s sleepy eyes open wide at that, and a new found energy grips her voice. “NO, thank you mister, I can change by myself.”

“You can’t even stand.” Levi mutters, as he gets her up to her feet, hands still clutching on to her so that she doesn’t drop to the floor.

“As far as my brain tells me,” she says, tapping her index finger to her temple, “standing and changing clothes are two completely different things.”

And Levi looks at her incredulously, almost taken aback by her stupidity. “Tch, you are so drunk,” he grumbles.

And Mae gets quiet for a moment, before she says. "I'm not drunk, I'm beautiful."

Levi looks up at her as she says those words. Her skin is now clean and fresh, ridden of the smudged makeup that once dawned on her face. And the ponytail she wears, gives him a full view of her tired eyes that burn with boldness and conviction.

Indeed very beautiful.

"My face is not disgusting," she continues, as her eyes bore into his. But Levi doesn’t miss the slight tremor of her lips. 

His face falls and his heart sinks into a pit of disgrace. 

Those were the words he'd told her, weren't they?

All of a sudden he’s reminded of who he is, and what he’s done. And it's only now that he understands how he has hurt her. With every look and every word.

His throat runs dry and he finds himself unable to speak a word, without disintegrating.

The silence becomes agonizing. And Levi backs away, as he realizes that if he looks at her any longer, then he will break. Into bits and pieces. Because more than her husband, he’s a reason for the condition she’s in as well.

He takes slow steps backwards, unable to take his eyes off the floor and meet hers.

He needs a distraction. He needs to think about something else. And so he darts towards his bedroom, and finds his way to his cupboard. Opening it and absent mindedly pulling out a shirt and a trouser.

And when he stands in front of Mae, he’s back to being aloof. It has always been like this, a moment of defenselessness until he shrouds behind his mask of nonchalance.

"Go change," he places the clothes in her hands and struts away. Giving in to her demands even though she’s probably going to trip and fall. But also, a little too scared to displease her any more than he’s already done.

"Levi, wait," Mae’s hand latches onto his wrist. "I don’t want this…want the gray one… The v neck, it is my faaavourite on you.”

His face softens at the words and that’s all it takes for his mask of indifference to fade, once again.

There's a child in her, and he hopes she can always keep it alive. He hopes it doesn’t wither away in the cruelty of life, like the child in him did.

His cheeks turn pink again as he glances at the shirt she is holding out, because she wants his gray one.  And he makes a mental note to buy more in the same color. 

As quick as ever, he gives in to her request, and hands her the gray shirt she demands. 

At that her eyes squint and she flashes him the same smile that always takes his breath away. The same smile that makes him feel like he’s the reason behind all her joys. His cheeks turn pinker at the thought.  

No one’s ever smiled at him the way she does. No one has looked at him with such warmth and affection. And he’s glad that he can see her smile like this one last time. 

A part of him doesn’t want to leave. A part of him doesn’t want to go away so that she can change her clothes. A part of him doesn’t want to be apart from her a single second more. 

But he’s wronged her a little too much, to still be around her. A little too much to still crave her company.

And so he walks her to his room, lights a candle there as well and ambles away. Because even though his heart gravitates towards Mae, he isn’t a man capable of love.

The office seems silent now that she is cooped up in his room. And Levi lets out a heavy exhale as he walks towards the small kitchenette placed at the adjacent wall.

He brews himself a cup of tea, and takes a seat on his desk. Eyes glazing over the stack of paperwork piled in front of him. Somehow, the familiarity of it all calms his nerves and he takes a sheet out and starts with his paperwork.

And he waits, for the sound of Mae collapsing to the floor, or the gate opening and her wobbly figure leaning on to the doorframe.

He waits, and he waits but she doesn’t come out.

And drunks are so annoying, he prays that he never has to deal with them again.

Time ticks out, curiosity gets the best of him, and he walks to his room.

And when he opens the door, he’s met with the sight of her resting on his bed and the faint sound of her snores.

The candlelight kept on his side table casts dancing shadows across her sleeping figure. Her mouth is slightly parted, and her hair is strewn messily on the pillow. And Levi can’t help but hold a breath in as he stares at the way she looks so relaxed and peaceful;.. 

Then he pushes her towards the center of the bed, lest she fall and crack her head open. He tucks her in a blanket and places two pillows at her side just for protection. And finally he blows the candle off.

And as he looks back at her, he doesn’t know why he has the sudden desire to touch her. 

His motion stutters, and his fingers tremor as they reach towards her head. 

His mother would often pat his head when he had difficulty sleeping, but Mae is already asleep. So why does he have the sudden, irrational desire to caress her head?

And Levi doesn’t know indulgence. 

But he knows that the sun will rise tomorrow, and he will be blackened by his own regrets. Unable to face her because now he knows that he has probably left her, even unsafer, in an unhappy marriage. Now he knows how much he has hurt her. And now he knows how miserable she really is.

It feels like their last night together. Because tomorrow  she'll be gone, back to ignoring him. And he’ll go back to the miserable person who mourns the loss of that love that he himself destroyed. With his own two hands.

Levi doesn’t know indulgence, because everything he cherishes always ends up getting torn apart from him. 

But he has lost her already. She has been ripped away already.

And so he rests his hand on her head. And so he roves his palm over her head. Looking at her dotingly, caressing her gently. His heart beats wildly,  and for once he lets it win over

She looks peaceful now that she is asleep. Far different from the exhausted face she sports all the time in that filthy bar. And he drinks all of her details in for one last time.

He wants to look at her more, the desire only seems to deepen the more he stares at her face. He wants to be next to her the entire night.

And so Levi shifts his desk into the cramped space of his bedroom. As quietly as possible. And he lights up a candle as he sits down to do his paperwork. Right next to her sleeping figure.

Author's Note:

Okay! So with this we are done with half of the chapters for this fic.

This chapter is kinda bittersweet, I don't know how happy I am with this chapter honestly, because it has gotten too long and it might have some cringe moments, but I just wanted to show how close Mae and Levi are and what there bond was once like.

Also in the first scene, Mae has a realization that she needs to start working towards and in the 2nd scene, a month later she still hasn't been able to implement it completely yet. Its like you know you should love yourself, but you still find it hard to.

And that realization will come to her, but LATER on, not in the recent chapters for sure.

Also the line 'why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it' is not something my brain has come up with, i don't have that kind of genius-ness lol🤡. Its taken from a bollywood movie Queen, which I definitely recommend, because its a pretty good watch.

Another thing I want to mention is that its highly likely I'll take a few weeks off again, after I finish this arc, because I don't have enough content written to keep up with my writing schedule. And I don't want to write fast and compromise on the quality of the chapters, because I really want to give my best shot with this fic, and it takes me time to come up with good metaphors and ideas that I can put into the scenes. I'll completely address this situation next week.

Thank you reading! I hope you liked it. As always I appreciate any comments, questions and criticism as well. See you next Sunday

Taglist: @keijikunn @evas-leslas @leviackermanmyhero245

[ad1thi]

5 favourite fics ive written

instructions: fic authors self rec! when you get this, reply with your five favorite fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. let’s spread the self-love 💖 (tagged by @ifmywishescametrue)

this is me trying (stevetony, modern AU, 21.6k)

it's probably a bit cliche to put this on the list bc its also my most recent fic, but i genuinely do love this fic a lot. an unbelievable amount of credit goes to @omg-just-peachy who loves the fic so much more than i do, and without whom, the fic would've definitely just lived in my drafts as an idea that never got completed. so im like double proud of this fic bc i stuck to my initial plan and didn't lengthen it, and i finished it!!

2. begin again (samtony, modern AU, 9.9k)

this is still probably one of the fics im the proudest of, and it was such a genuine joy to write. i never used to understand those author notes about how they were only planning to write X number of words but then somehow ended up w 10k, until this fic. i am famously someone who writes and prefers to write shorter things but this fic just refused to stop at a decent 2k and it was all written in one sitting, because it flowed out of me incessantly. something i'm always going to be proud of.

3. and now my heart's been stolen (samtony, post TWS AU, 5k)

i think the thing that i felt the most proud of from this fic is the number of people who commented saying that they didn't originally go for samtony as a ship, but that my fic converted them and they wanted more - because thats like every author's dream. it's to make the readers see your characters the way you see them, and its kinda special that i was able to do that with this fic.

4. 1000 lives (for you) (buckytony, soulmates AU, 20k)

i was kinda apprehensive about adding this to the list - not bc i wasn't proud of it but bc i feel so guilty that the sequel isn't out yet - but i am extremely proud of this fic. marrying my vision with mcu canon in a way that felt believable and building suspense over multiple chapters is a challenge for someone like me (and i would never have done it well without @omg-just-peachy and @pretty-grim) but this story was like 2 years in the making and im so happy its out there and people enjoyed it

5. the things we tell ourselves in the dark (stevetony, emh, 1.1k)

this fic is another one of those fics that i wrote all in one sitting, and its also my only marvel fic to date that's set in a non-mcu verse. i went down an emh wormhole, and i ltr wrote this fic after watching this episode, like instantly after. i genuinely was worried that i would get the characterisations wrong, so one of the things i enjoyed the most was getting comments where people said they could see this scene be included at the end of the episode!!

[stan-of-many]

White Collar Fic Masterlist

***Updated with new fics regularly***

I’ve decided that it’s finally time for an official White Collar fic Master List for tumblr. I’m no longer reblogging this list when new fics come out, I’ll simply add them and announce with another post.

These are links to all my White Collar fics in the order in which they were written (newest at the bottom)(not including a few ficlets under 500 words) (AO3: stan_of_many)

I’ll also say right here that I am always down to hear prompts. No slash please and I can’t guarantee anything, but I’d love to hear ‘em.

The title is the link

Not Everything Is A Con

Words: 2.3k

Summary: Diana is miserable, stuck in the van with the flu, and an antsy CI who may be better company than she thinks as long as it's not just a con...

Preview: “The hours of staring at the screen and listening to static had taken its toll and the nasty headache from that morning had returned with a vengeance, settling behind her eyes and at the base of her head. She stifled a small whimper of pain as she dropped her head in her hands and pressed her fingers into her eyes. She could hear Neal lean over, 'You okay Diana?' His voice was gentle. She sat up determined not to let Neal see her being beaten by a small headache. 'I’m fine Caffrey.'"

Notes: first White Collar fic I ever wrote and it’s Diana and Neal which is kinda funny. Featuring caring!neal which I love.

Just A Criminal

Words: 3.6k

Summary: Peter comes across the hurting side of Neal Caffrey.

Preview: “The brief feeling of relief that Neal hadn’t been sneaking off to get into who knew what kind of trouble was quickly overshadowed as Peter suddenly noticed the uncharacteristic slump of Neal’s shoulders. His head was slightly bowed as he stood, back to Peter, seemingly doing nothing more than watching the ant-sized people and tiny cars on the street below.”

Notes: Hurting Neal and Fatherly Peter is just the bestest imo (as you will see based on how many more there are focus on that), but this was kind of my first peter & neal fic so it holds a special place in my heart.

A Shake Of The Head

Words: 821

Summary: Missing scene for if Peter and Neal had gotten a chance to say goodbye before Neal runs at the end of Season 3

Preview: “A shake of the head. A simple shake of the head was all it took to sever the most important person besides Elizabeth from Peter’s life. Just a slight shake of his head as he made eye contact, standing slightly above the sadistic Kramer, and like a bird finally freed from its cage, Neal was gone in the wind. But Peter didn’t regret it.”

Notes: this was fun because a friend of mine finished season three right before she went back to college and couldn’t watch White Collar for months and she begged me for some type of closure...so I provided.

Loaned Away

Words: 2.2k

Summary: Neal gets loaned to Organized Crime for the day and Peter shows how to really care for a CI when he sees the bruises.

Preview: “Peter frowned slightly, realizing that Neal hadn’t spoken since Ruiz had practically dragged him in by his collar. Usually he’d be making about five different excuses for why nothing could possibly ever be his fault and cheekily denying every accusation. As it was, he stood silent.”

Notes: Honestly I just really like this one. Just an excuse for some shameless h/c and Peter being caring and sweet and fatherly.

Feigning Illness

Words: 10k. Chapters: 2

Summary: Their relationship is already strained after the warehouse disaster and Peter isn’t inclined to believe that Neal’s really sick...but sometimes even the best conmen are really just not feeling well and even suspicious agents care about their partners

Preview: “Neal heard Peter walk closer and could almost feel the look of intense suspicion from the Agent before a hand gently grabbed his shoulder and turned him around to face his handler. Neal was not expecting the expression that really painted Peter’s face as he met his gaze; far from suspicion, it was one of caring concern. ‘You really aren’t feeling well are you?’ Peter questioned quietly.”

Notes: Soft and gratuitous sick fic, I reread this one sometimes almost as if it were someone else’s work. This may be one of my personal favorites (which is hard to say because they’re all my children).

Pining Away

Words: 4.4K

Summary: A season 5 story where Neal has a new handler and Peter decides that it’s best if he steps back for a while—which only makes them realize how much they need each other.

Preview: ““It’s about Neal sir.” Siegel noticed the flurry of emotions that passed across Peter’s face at the mention of the CI’s name, fondness, annoyance, but mostly sadness—longing. “He’s not doing well.” Peter looked startled,

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“No sir.” The young agent took a breath, “He’s lonely. He misses you, I think more than he even realizes.””

Notes: Season five was really weird for me because I absolutely adored David Siegel (who deserved so much better!!!) and wanted to see way more of him and Neal, while also hating with every bone in my body the angst between Peter and Neal and the fact that Peter wasn’t his handler. Yeah, it was difficult to reconcile, but here’s me trying to do that.

5 Times Neal Was There When Someone Needed Him and One Time Someone Was There For Him

Words: 9.4k. Chapters: 6

Summary: What it says on the tin. One-shots of five times Neal was caring, sweet, and there for people who needed help and one time Peter was caring, sweet, and there for him.

Preview: “Peter wasn’t the type to feel insecure but he envied the CI sometimes as he watched the ease with which Neal could make someone feel comfortable, reassure them that everything was okay, dry a woman’s tears and sweetly amuse a small child.

Those skills of course had been used to cheat and swindle his way across five continents, but Neal Caffrey also cared about people, and knew how to show it.”

Notes: Classic format for some of my favorite stories that I’ve written (idk what I’m saying they’re all my favorites but you know what I mean). We see Neal hurting and Neal being cared for a lot in fanfic but I wanted to explore Neal as the comforter...something we actually see somewhat often in canon.

Justice and Compassion

Words: 2.5k

Summary: Neal is familiar with the good cop tactic, but Agent Peter Burke is confusingly kind—Or “Neal gets arrested by the FBI and learns about the idea of compassion.”

Preview: “...Burke just looked at him searchingly for a moment longer. His eyes softened as he met Neal’s and Neal had the uncomfortable feeling that Burke saw through him like glass, past the mask of cool con man to the terrified kid that the mask protected. Nobody had ever looked at him that way before. Nobody had ever cared much about what was behind the mask.”

Notes: First part of my three-part “Justice and Compassion series”, a series that explores the depths of Peter and Neal’s relationship four years pre-canon—when Neal was first arrested. I’ll honestly just say I absolutely adored writing these fics.

Tough Love Doesn’t Have To Be Brutal

Words: 2.3k

Summary: Peter Burke comes home from one of the most triumphant days of his career saddened and confused and learns a few things about Neal Caffrey from his wife.

Preview: “Peter let out a long breath, and looked up at her, ‘El, the day I caught Neal Caffrey was supposed to be one of the greatest days of my career.’

‘And it isn’t?’ Her expression was sympathetic and a bit confused. He shook his head.

‘There was nothing great, El, about arresting an intelligent, friendly, stupid kid whose been showing off to the world in the most idiotic way and watch him struggle damn hard not to fall apart from the consequences.’”

Notes: Second part of my three-part “Justice and Compassion” series. Like all three, it can be read individually but I think it builds a fuller story with the other two.

Weighed and Not Found Wanting

Words: 3.6k

Summary: Both agent and criminal are stunned by the unexpectedly harsh sentence, but Peter’s concern for Neal brings important questions—and even more important answers—to light.

Preview: ““Why do you care?”

The question seemed to come out of nowhere and Peter just stared in horrified confusion.

“That you don’t get beaten up or assaulted?”

“No,” Caffrey’s voice was quiet, “just about me—in general.”

The question, asked with such confused sincerity, broke Peter’s heart.””

Notes: Third and final fic in my “Justice and Compassion” series. If you held a gun to my head and told me to pick which of my fics is my absolute favorite...it would probably be this one. It’s just so caring, with boatloads of h/c. Like the other two it can be read individually but is much better with the others.

Intentionally Uncommon

Words: 1.6k

Summary: A casual incident on a stakeout leads Peter to reflect on where Neal Caffrey came from...and why he’s hurting.

Preview: “Something had caused a sweet young boy to rebuild himself, piece by glossy piece, until he was something else entirely: something special, different, quality—something far beyond the ordinary.

When Peter really thought about it, his heart broke for the young boy who had really never stopped running from his past.”

Notes: One of those sweet simple fics—a moment where Peter realizes early into their partnership that Neal isn’t as put together as he’d like to pretend.

Perfectly Fine

Words: 3.1k

Summary: Neal is struggling and won’t let himself ask for help—but help comes anyway in the form of an observant and caring Peter Burke. A story that explores how Neal deals with pain and how Peter learns to help him.

Preview: ““I’m fine.” Oh, Peter was so sick of those words—empty, deflecting, completely untruthful, and used like an iron shield to keep compassion at bay. It was a constant refrain with Neal, “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” ...Peter knew Neal too well now to dismiss those shallow “I’m fine’s” with a shrug.”

Notes: Angsty h/c sick/exhaustion fic. I was going for a fluffy uncomplicated sick fic and...yeah it didn’t turn out that way. But we’re all suckers for the angst so no apologies. The interesting thing about this one, it deals with Kate’s death but it’s not a story about Neal dealing with Kate’s death—it’s a story about how Neal deals with pain in general and Peter helping Neal through. Watching an interview with Matt Bomer he talks about how Neal is the type to fight grief with action and not to mope around...which is why I think that this description of Neal running himself into the ground is rather accurate.

The Way Neal Caffrey Saw It

Words: 3.0k

Summary: Peter stumbles onto a part of Neal that he’s never seen before and learns a thing or two about the world through Neal Caffrey’s eyes

Preview: “Neal’s expression was intent, expertly focused as his hands moved over the canvas. But it was the open, peaceful, joy on his friend’s face was the most startling part of entire scene. There was an almost childlike openness in Neal’s expression that was so many miles from the usual sauve and cool front the man put forward every day that the agent just stared, mouth hanging slightly open.”

Notes: Looking at the artistic side of Neal. I think Neal’s artistic talents and sensibilities are not so often touched on in the fandom (perhaps reflective of the show) which is a bit of a shame as I think there’s a lot of potential there. I’m honestly not quite sure how to characterize this fic otherwise. Unlike my usual, the focus is not angst and h/c (though there is some) but more...human connection/emotion I guess?

So You’re The Greatest Con Man of the 21st Century?

Words: 4.7k

Summary: Peter has to care for his sick CI and finds he doesn’t actually have to dig too deeply to be good at it. Basically pure sick fic with both of the boys looking out for each other.

Preview: “Peter felt suddenly and intensely protective as Neal settled, his face too hot against Peter’s shoulder, his skin too hot against the rag on his neck, everything too hot as he curled up against his handler like an ill child seeking comfort. There was something bizarrely intimate about the fever, lowering Neal’s defenses so drastically, leaving him so unusually reliant...”

Notes: A lot of my fics have been more emotional angst and hurt/comfort focused but I was rereading some of my old favorite saved fics and was reminded of how soft and happy a pure sick fic can be so I wrote one!

A Random Nothing of a Day in November

Words: 1.5k

Summary: It’s just a normal day in White Collar when Peter gets the sudden and rather stunning revelation that Neal is more than just his CI.

Preview: “The idea of having a ‘best friend’ had felt a bit like a middle school distinction to Peter most of his life, but he was wondering now if, maybe, it was because he had never actually had a best friend—not really—until now.”

Notes: Just soft and happy and deliciously fluffy, exploring some of the everyday dynamics of the White Collar office and Peter and Neal’s relationship while also exploring Peter’s thoughts on his relationship with Neal.

A Sapling of Trust

Words: 3.2k

Summary: Written from a request for a fic about Neal’s trust in Peter.

Preview: “Neal had no family. No ‘inner circle’. For Neal Caffrey trust was no commonality, no every day occurrence, it wasn’t something that was a natural part of life, love, and relationships. Trust was something Neal had never truly had in any person. Neal’s trust was an exquisite and precious gift, something that had never been created before. And Neal had given this gift to Peter.”

Notes: I got inspired and wrote this in a day so kindly overlook my mistakes. I know (well, hope) that actually getting something out there will really help me truly get over my slump.bI also feel like this piece reads a bit differently than my usual style, perhaps because it is less focused on any one event and more on an overarching character trait. I do like expanding my horizons though so I don’t mind.

Leaving Paradise Behind

Words: 3.6k

Summary: Neal struggles to leave the loneliness of Cape Verde behind and Peter cares. Prompt fill for a requested sick fic.

Preview: “All around was sand and sun and heat and sweat and more sand and Neal was hot, just so hot and—something cool touched the back of his neck and Cape Verde mercifully began to melt away...”

Notes: Written for prompt “I'd love to see a story in which Neal feels weird and tired so he fakes being sick to get some extra rest, only to discover that he felt weird and tired because he’s actually sick. Peter doesn’t believe him and stops by on his lunch break, only to discover Neal fast asleep with a fairly high fever.” Some nice post S3 finale sickfic angst.

Not So Bad After All

Words: 4.6k

Summary: Neal’s feeling sick and trying not to show it. Peter and El aren’t about to let him get off that easy. Almost pure sick fic for a tumblr request.

Preview: “Peter was usually extremely out of his element around emotional or sick people, but around Neal some protective instinct always seemed to kick in. He’d intend to stand back and give his CI some space but then Neal moaned quietly and clutched shakily at the toilet as if he wasn’t quite sure which was up, and Peter was by his side in an instant.”

Notes: Requested fic written for my sweet Tumblr anon who asked “I was wondering if you could write another cute and fluffy Neal sickfic, just something really cute about Neal trying to carry on with life with a flu or something? Life's been sort of trash lately and i would truly truly appreciate it! Your writing’s keeping me going lately!”

It’s Not In Your Blood

Words: 8.8k Chapters: 4

Summary: 5x04 fic exploring the fallout of Dr. Summers manipulation of Neal as Peter helps him navigate the lies and the truth.

Preview: “ “Your behavior is sociopathic.’

The words hit like four tiny, poisonous darts, utterly startling and horrifying in their sting.

“I’m sorry?” For a moment Neal couldn’t hold back the very real shock.

“I’m a wall.” He had told Peter with cocky confidence, but now, as this woman sitting across the small table analyzed him with cold precision, that wall was tumbling with terrifying speed.”

Notes: Okay so “Controlling Interests” is fascinating and sad because Neal’s getting his head messed with by Summers—in two ways! First, he’s truly taken aback and I think somewhat frightened by her “sociopathic” diagnosis (which is never touched on again) and second, she seems to literally psychologically manipulate him into a criminal relapse. And at the end of episode 4 he’s ready to go back to the life and just steal things ‘because they’re there’ and seems to have lost the conscience he’s been learning from Peter. But the next few episodes are fun, all is well, and he seems as good as ever. Though he’s still doing illegal things, it isn’t ‘because he can’, it’s because of Hagen and such, and then we see him fully convinced he can go straight. So, what the heck happened to fix everything?????? He was clearly startled and taken aback at being called sociopathic, he was clearly manipulated into ‘giving into his impulses’, and then he’s just fine??? Sorry, no. Here’s what happened.

The Value of a Life

Words: 4.2k

Summary: Neal takes unnecessary risks and Peter is angry and lashes out—until he realizes the underlying problem. Sweet and emotional with a lot of angst and h/c.

Preview: Peter was furious with his impulsive CI, the criminal with a self destructive savior complex that would be the death of him. That thought twisted Peter’s heart so painfully that it was all he could do not to scream in Neal’s face to be more careful and lock him up until he well and truly got the message.

But now Neal was looking at him, scared by a bullet earlier and still trembling despite his attempts to hide it, frightened by Peter’s anger in a way Peter had rarely seen, his eyes begging Peter to explain, to make it better...

Notes: This is pretty angsty and also...really sweet. Perhaps *too* sweet, I’m not quite sure since I have no perspective as the author. I considered rewriting it a bit but then I decided to put it out as it is, I could always rewrite it later based on feedback. Please definitely tell me your thoughts.

Blizzard Conditions

Words: 6.3k

Summary: Even simple illnesses can become dangerous if help isn’t available. The White Collar team gets stuck at the FBI offices during a blizzard and Neal is quickly becoming dangerously ill...

Preview: “Diana looked over at the CI who sat shivering in the chair, cheeks flushed with fever yet far too pale everywhere else.

“He really doesn’t look good.”

Neal didn’t even take mock offense but began coughing—hard. Peter made an aborted gesture toward him, clearly unsure what to do. He looked over at Diana, hiding a worried expression that the Junior agent knew too well to be fooled...”

Notes: So I wrote most of this like a pretty long time ago—long enough that I feel like my writing style has changed and improved and I wasn’t really sure I was going to post it. But some tumblr friends encouraged me in the fact that even if I have higher standards for myself, there are still people who will enjoy this. Not trying to discourage anyone from reading it—it’s not bad, I just have higher standards for myself now.

What Partners Do

Words: 2.8k

Summary: A request fill in which Neal tries to deal with everything alone as usual and Peter (being the good handler/partner/dad that he is) refuses to let him.

Preview: “The exhaustion, helplessness, humiliation, and a great deal of pain were building up into sharp irritability but it wasn’t fair to take it out on Peter and Neal turned away, embarrassment and guilt adding to the miserable mix...a moment later Neal felt a warm hand on his shoulder, rubbing comfortingly down his back.”

Notes: This was written in about a day and a half filling the request from a Tumblr anon who said “Can I ask for a cute fic where Neal maybe gets injured or something during a case and is trying to do everything himself (because he always did everything by himself) but can’t and then enter Peter being like you can ask for help!”

If We Have Each Other Than We’ll Both Be Fine

Words: 17.7k Chapters: 6

Summary: A post canon fix-it that not only reunites Peter and Neal but deals with the pain and consequences of Neal’s decision on both men. In which Peter rediscovers a son, Neal is atrocious at taking care of himself, and a rock-solid brotherhood is beautifully brought to light. Overwhelmingly full of feels, some angst, some fluff, and a boatload hurt/comfort.

Preview: “A figure caught Peter’s eye, perhaps fifteen feet away. The man was turned away from him, a fitted suit, confident posture, but most heartstoppingly— dark hair partially hidden under a fedora.

It couldn’t be.

For an eternity of a moment Peter couldn’t speak a word, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, could barely think. Finally,

“Neal.”

Notes: I’ve read a fairly good amount of reunion fics and several of them I’ve really really enjoyed, but the problem is that they often stop there. At the reunion. See, I wanted the reunion but I also wanted more. There’s too much for both men to experience and process for it to end there—Peter’s grief would not be a simple thing to leave behind even if Neal returned and Neal would be faced with the fact that he hurt everyone he loved in one of the worst ways possible.

So, this is a reunion fic and far beyond—exploring the difficulty as well as the joy. Yes, it’s angsty at times, but guys it is so, so sweet, so, so caring. I promise, this won’t leave a bitter taste in your mouth but hopefully will leave you sighing with contentment and grinning widely. That’s my aim anyway.

A Shattered Mask of Calm

Words: 2.9k

Summary: A prompt fill for a request asking for a fic of Neal being truly afraid and Peter being there for him. Mentions of sexual assault but NO rape— don’t worry this is not a depressing story.

Preview: “After about three minutes of watching, Peter had had enough and reached out a hand gently toward Neal’s shoulder. He was intending to try and relax his friend, wordlessly reassure him as he occasionally did, but as his hand touched Neal’s body the younger man flinched—full bodied and violently.”

Notes: A fill for a prompt from an anon on Tumblr who asks: “Could you maybe write a fic about Neal having to unexpectedly face one of his fears - maybe something Peter didn't know about? I'd love to see Neal actually frightened by something and Peter being there.”

I’m Stronger Up Against the Ropes

Words: 4.4k

Summary: Neal is pushed to his limits on an operation as Peter can only watch and be there to catch him if he falls.

Preview: “It was a situation that called for Neal’s A-game but Peter couldn’t imagine A-game was a possibility for someone running a fever around 103.

Neal’s mask stayed firmly in place, but even Neal Caffrey couldn’t perfectly keep up a con so strenuous for a great length of time...His gaze sharp with concern, Peter could literally see the fine cracks running through the shiny facade as it grew harder for Neal to keep up the con.”

Notes: At any given time I have about ten to twenty-two half-finished ideas and fics in my notes app. This two-part series is just two of the many that I’m *finally* finishing up. Gosh it feels amazing.

The point of this series is to see two loosely connected stories in which Peter and Neal help each other through illness compounded with another difficulty. This is partially just me wanting to write more sick fic, partially me trying to actually do something with the ideas that deserve to see the light of day, and partially an actual exploration of character.

Unshakable

Words: 4.8k

Summary: Neal needs to care for Peter and learns that even the strongest people aren’t invincible.

Preview: “Don’t hurt him.” Peter gasped, “Neal—“

Neal was not expecting to hear his own name come out of Peter’s mouth from a fevered nightmare, particularly not with such intense fear and hurt in the tone— fear for Neal. He was definitely not interested in admitting to himself that seeing Peter like this— in pain, sick, frightened, and hurting was terrifying. Terrifying and horrible on so many levels.”

Notes: Loose sequel to “I’m Stronger Up Against the Ropes”. I really feel like most (and nearly all of my) White Collar fanfic is very centered on Neal as the hurt one which, yes, makes sense because he really is. But y’all I am so in love with my mans Peter Burke who’s just the best and I wanted to give him some vulnerability as well and just explore what might do that and how Neal would react to it. So...here we are.

So Put Your Best Face On Everybody

Words: 3.2k

Summary: Neal falls asleep on a car ride, Diana has a questions and a few realizations, while Peter acts as a pillow. Basically, it’s sweet.

Preview: “Peter shook himself from his momentary reverie in time to notice Diana, half turned around in the front seat, staring at Neal with a look of unhidden shock on her face...

Diana had only really ever seen the CI at work and was clearly unprepared for how open Neal looked as he slept, uninhibited and...young. Achingly young. There was a soft expression on her face that Peter had felt on his own more than once before.”

Notes: I was just going about my life and had the sudden vivid thought “Neal falling asleep on Peter’s shoulder” and then I got a ton of the story in my head and couldn’t work on anything else until I wrote it. And then of course I abandoned the for a few months as it sat niggling in the back of my brain begging to be finished and I’ve finally gotten around to it!

Ivory and Cream are Different Shades of White

Words: 2.8k

Summary: Sequel to my story ‘A Shattered Mask of Calm’ which filled a prompt asking for a situation where Neal was truly afraid. Mentions of sexual assault but NO rape.

Preview: “Neal had grown used to, even fond of, Peter’s gruff and awkwardly sweet form of affection, with lots of ‘cowboy up’s’ and slugs on the shoulder and ranting lectures that showed in little ways how much he cared...

But this, this quiet, merciful understanding as Peter sat, holding Neal’s shaking hands in his own steady ones, asking quiet questions that he didn’t press for answers to when Neal stayed silent— was careful and incredibly gentle, and despite how much Neal hated to admit it, exactly what he needed as he crumbled from the inside.”

Notes: I meant to write a time-stamp for ‘A Shattered Mask of Calm’ and accidentally wrote a sequel...

You can probably read this story without reading the first one, but it will be better with both. This is basically Elizabeth and Neal’s perspective of the situation that evening.

Cause the Welcome Will Not End

Words: 7.1k

Summary: A cold is just a cold and Peter isn’t worried until Neal manages get sopping wet and a lot more sick, calling for more from Peter than a ‘cowboy up’.

Preview: “Peter knelt down and caught him, pulling him back against his chest and trapping his head gently between his chest and hand to keep him from slipping to the floor. Neal slumped against him with no protest, too tired to move or care about the vulnerability of the gesture, relaxing ever so slightly at the steady thumping of the agent’s heart as Peter became the only thing that wasn’t sliding and tilting around him...”

Notes: Written for Caffrey-Burke Day 2021.

Absolutely zero excuses for this. It’s literally just 7k words of self indulgent sickfic inspired purely by the fact that I’ve put Neal through all kinds of illness but never really respiratory distress. I figured if I was going to do Caffrey-Burke day I might as well post one super angsty h/c fic and one super fluffy sick-fic just to even things out.

Through the Cloudy Skies

Words: 6.7k

Summary: Philip Kramer has a brutal lesson to teach Burke and his CI, the results of which leave Neal and Peter reeling and struggling to reconcile their odd partnership (though it just may leave them stronger in the end).

Preview: “...as humiliating and vulnerable as a strip search was, Peter could only imagine it would be ten times more so if it were performed by someone you’d have to face on a daily basis, not to mention someone that you respected and wanted to respect you.

No, he’d decided, when the day came he would not strip search Neal. Yet, here he was, beginning a two hour drive with a silent Neal Caffrey in the passengers seat— having done exactly that.

Peter swallowed down the bitter taste that dwelt on the back of his tongue, but couldn’t wash it away.”

Notes: Written for Caffrey-Burke Day 2021.

This story started out as basically a rejection of USA network’s propensity to gloss over some of the uglier real-life implications of their stories (it’s called their “Blue Skies era” for a reason and the title is a snipe at that) and explore Neal and Peter’s relationship through those parts that the network shied away from. Then it kind of accidentally meandered away to really look at the core of the very real difficulties of Neal and Peter’s relationship and I found myself reading it over and realizing it was honestly kind of a perfect fic for Caffrey-Burke Day.

We’ll Be Carrying Each Other

Words: 5.9k

Summary: Teen AU of Neal Caffrey as a street kid. This fic is filling a prompt based on a piece of White Collar fanart of Peter carrying Neal.

Preview: “For the first time Peter Burke is realizing just how much he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened to Neal Caffrey.

This boy who has too much sensitivity and conscience and love for beauty for the harsh cards life dealt him; who’s too sacrificial and brave and stupidly idealistic for his own good, is someone Peter has to protect and has to take care of because if he doesn’t, Peter won’t be able to wake up and look at the man in the mirror.

Notes: This is a gift for my lovely (real life!) friend ElegantEscapist. We found this fanart a bit ago and she sent it to me the other day saying “I just had a really strong craving for a fic inspired by this fanart and I may be deceased if I don’t get one.” Well obviously I can’t let my dear friend die so what choice did I have? After a bit more prompting she vaguely requested a sort of street-crime teen AU. Her wish was my command and here is what I created.

Deep Roots Are Not Reached By The Frost

Words: 3.1k

Summary: Fill for 12 Days of White Collar Prompt #11: “Frosty the Snowman” | Fedoras & Mittens | Snowball fight | Frostbite/Hypothermia

Preview: “There was something about the warmth of Peter’s hands as he massaged the feeling back into Neal’s ice cold ones that warmed Neal more than just physically. It was the kindness of the gentle, uncomplicated skin-to-skin contact, the affectionate touch that was given without asking for anything in return. It brought a faint ache deep in Neal’s throat.”

Notes: I’m fairly certain that this is not my best work. But then again, I’ve found I tend to say that about pieces that I later look back on with pride. Anyway, I’m too close to it to know at the moment but either way I’ve been struggling to write recently so it feels good to get this out there.

My Dearest

Words: 7.1k

Summary: A WWII White Collar AU, filling prompt #8 for the 12 Days of White Collar Challenge: “All I Want For Christmas” | Prison Phonecalls | Longing/Grief | Realizations

Preview: “Burke’s stomach twisted as he met a pair of brilliant blue eyes. Sensitive. The sensitive ones, in Peter Burke’s opinion, were the worst. Not the worst soldiers, and certainly not the worst people, no, they were the worst to send to the frontlines. It was almost unforgivable to send any man out to war, but sending those boys with that extra love for beauty and care for people off to hell— that felt like true cruelty.

“What’s your name private?”

“Neal Caffrey, sir.””

Notes: Not sure what’s up with my recent foray into AU’s but here we are, a WWII AU to watch our Peter and Neal go off to war.

So, in the interest of full transparency I had the basic idea of this fic before the prompt, so it’s more a situation of the prompt fitting and adding to an already existent idea, but idk, I think it fits well. This one takes “All I Want For Christmas” “longing/grief” and “realizations” from prompt 8.

I kinda wanted this to be a WWI fic but the FBI was only established a few years before WWI so I kinda decided it was safer to make it WWII.

To be clear, this is not really a Kate/Neal story though it may seem that way on the face of it. Kate is simply a useful device to explore Neal’s thoughts more than anything else, which I think I communicated clearly enough but wanted to reiterate anyway. So please don’t skip Kate haters, this is a Peter and Neal story.

A Cup of Kindness

Words: 2.2k

Summary: Prompt fill for prompts #1 and #4 of the ‘12 Days of White Collar’ challenge.

Preview: “This was Elizabeth’s territory, not Peter’s. El would know how to deal with a drunk, heartbroken young conman a lot better than Peter would and for a few brief seconds the agent desperately wished his wife was there. But then Peter remembered the way Neal’s face had brightened those first few seconds at the sight of him at the door, and he remembered Neal’s words only a few minutes before, ‘I missed you’...”

Notes: This is set between episodes one and two, directly after Peter and Elizabeth come home from their vacation. This was super fun because I haven’t written this early in canon in a very long time— if ever really? I need to go back and check.

This takes “Too Much Use of Neal’s Wine Collection”, “Loneliness”, and “Hidden Hurt” from prompt #1 and “A Cup of Kindness” and “New Beginnings” from prompt #4

The Color Celadon

Words: 36.6k Chapters: 21

Summary: For an artist, a con man, and an FBI consultant, sight is one of the most valuable senses. What happens when Neal’s is taken away?

Preview: Neal’s mind was jumbled with all the terrifying possibilities; surely this was only temporary, surely he couldn’t be permanently... permanently blind—

Peter’s heart stuttered as he felt Neal beginning to tremble under his hand. The fear of what was happening, of what could happen, was finally catching up to his friend, and Peter desperately wished it hadn’t.

His heart twisted at the feeling of his confident, self assured partner trembling next to him. As he had been for the past fifteen minutes, Peter reacted on instinct.

“All right, come’ere, it’s okay.” Peter pulled Neal close, smoothing a hand over his back. “It’s going to be okay, Neal...”

Notes: This fic is definitely a ride. It’s more or less my ‘let’s put Peter and Neal through as much as angst as possible” fic, so plenty of hurt but also a ton of comfort as well. And I can promise a happy ending for those who stick around.

[metalbvcky]

Back in May, I made my first Stucky Ficrec post and months later, I’ve decided to make another since this fandom is hella talented. There’s a little over two dozen fics down below ranging from 10k-100k+ and everything’s categorized.

Do note that lot of these are Modern AU’s (I love those) and most of them are smutty. (yes hello, an asexual here who enjoys smut so very much) Also heed the tags once you click the link(s). Other than that, enjoy!!!

Key:  ♥ = My personal favorites, S = Smut, DS = Dom/Sub

a) CANON UNIVERSE

If You're Reading This, Steve Rogers by fallendarlings Words: 39,273 | Post/Canon Divergence 2012 Avengers/TWS, Recovery, Slow Burn

Nobody tells Steve it's okay to cry.

Nobody touches him.

Nobody remembers Steve Rogers is a person under the mantle. It's okay. He hasn't felt like a person since he watched Bucky fall.

don't threaten me with a good time ♥ by canistakahari - Words 10,106 | Post-TWS, Sick!Fic, Sick!Bucky, Cabin Fic

Steve's taken him on vacation to a cabin in Canada in the middle of winter, so it's obviously the perfect time for his body to go haywire. Bucky is determined to stick it out, though, partly because he's a stubborn bastard, but mostly because he feels some kinda way about Steve.

Higher Ground by EmilianaDarling - Words: 13,002 | Post-TWS, S, DS (undertones), Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve

“S’okay,” Bucky murmurs quietly, and Steve sucks in a sharp breath at the brush of Bucky’s lips against his ear, his breath hot against the side of Steve’s neck. There’s a hint of a grin in Bucky’s voice; amused affection and confidence and something heated beneath it all, a familiar tone from so long ago that makes Steve’s heart clench and his cock twitch helplessly in his jeans.

“S’okay, Stevie,” he says again, and Steve can feel the curl of Bucky’s lips against his throat when he smiles. His metal thumb is rubbing circles on Steve’s shoulder. “M’gonna take care of you.”

A year and a half after the events of The Winter Soldier, Steve's been acting recklessly. Bucky deals with it as best he can.

The Simple Life ♥ from The Simple Life Series by howler32557038 - Words: 114,329 (Series Total: 337,273 + ongoing) | Canon Universe, MPreg, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

"The simple life."

"You'll get there one day."

"I don't know. Family, stability...The guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out."

Bucky wants to be part of Steve's life. He wants to be an Avenger. He wants to be a good partner. Unfortunately, sometimes that means not telling Steve everything.

a road less traveled by Claudia_flies, cyclamental art (cyclamental),maichan, zilia - Words: 75,396 | 2012 Timeline AU, Post-Avengers 2012 (Endgame Divergence), Domestic Avengers, Recovering!Bucky

Steve wakes up on the cold stone floor of the foyer. He scrambles up; there’s glass shards everywhere and they crunch under his gloved hands. People are staring, holding themselves back. They must have seen the fight, must have seen two of him.

His own voice rings in his head.

“Bucky is alive!”

Kept Safe by Whendoestheshipsail (restricted to AO3 users only) - Words: 54,419 | S, DS, BDSM

Steve and Bucky are friends. Best Friends. If asked, Bucky would say he knows absolutely everything about Steve. Except when it comes to sex. Steve lives such a monastic existence that Bucky doesn't know if he likes girls, boys, or none of the above. For all he knows, Steve may have no interest in sex whatsoever.

But then a mission goes wrong, Steve is bleeding out from a wound to the femoral artery and Bucky is trying to stop the bleeding when his hand brushes against metal. Where there most definitely shouldn't be metal. Or a padlock. And most definitely not a torturously small cage.

48 hours by Whendoestheshipsail (restricted to AO3 users only) - Words: 25,894 | Post-CW, S, DS, Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve

Steve is keeping it together. No one would say he's keeping it together well, but he's getting by. Mission after mission, he goes back to his apartment in Wakanda and breaks down. Then he watches Bucky sleep and tries to not notice how everyone looks at him like he's the saddest bastard that ever lived.

But, this time is different. This time, Steve goes back to his apartment post-mission and Bucky is awake, out of cryo and making them dinner in Steve's kitchen. The breakdown is still happening. Bucky isn't pleased, but he does have a plan. For 48 hours after every mission, Steve is going to let Bucky take care of him or he's going to be on Steve's next mission. He can't risk losing Bucky again. Which should make the decision simple.

It isn't simple.

The Sex Therapist ♥ by Whendoestheshipsail (restricted to AO3 users only) - Words: 179,941 | S, DS, DKink, Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve, Current/Past Steve/Sharon

Sharon has given him an ultimatum- either go to sex therapy or it's over. Sex therapy sounds like normal therapy but more humiliating and expensive. It's total BS. He will go because she's making him, but he will also make everyone's lives miserable (Yeah, including his own) and never return again.

Do they have a lot of sex? No. Does Sharon want more sex? Yes. Does Steve do his best? Yeah, actually, he does. He can get it up, he just needs time. Alone. There's... preparation involved. It's not like one just 'is' aroused.

He can't explain it. And he won't. He definitely won't tell Bucky what exactly he thinks about to get worked up enough to screw his girlfriend.

Found My Place in Time - Cap_D, humapuma - Words: 12,492 | Post-EG (Divergence, duh) S, Fluff, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

“Buck,” he heard Steve say, “wake up. We’re here.” Bucky opened his eyes and rolled his shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension out of his back. When Steve’s words sunk in, though, he turned and leaned forward, staring past Steve’s chest to look out the window. Beyond the wing of the plane, he found a beautiful coastline with white sand, blue waters, and palm trees, as well as rows of bungalows on the water. “Wow,” he murmured. “We’re staying in one of those, right?”

In which Steve invites Bucky on a trip to Fiji and they discover something a lot more than beautiful vistas and friendly locals.

Total Institution ♥ from the Institutions of Love and Incarceration series by thelittlestpurplecat - Words: 94,303 | Canon Universe AU, Prison!AU, Guard!Steve, Prisoner!Bucky, Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, WS Trial

The Winter Soldier has been sentenced to life without parol. His entire world had been condensed to a hot, cramped cell that he hasn't seen the outside of in the four years since his apprehension. It's hell. He has no means of escape, no means of terminating his suffering, and no means of distraction...that is, until he's assigned a new guard. Steve Rogers is assigned the Winter Soldier as his singular charge. He expects a sadistic, violent murderer. What he finds instead is a broken, tormented man with no memory of his past life, and no control over what had been done to him. He's a victim. Not a monster. And Steve won't stand to see him pay for crimes over which he had no control.

Raise Your Glass by minkeys - Words: 10,008 | Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve, Light DS, S, DKink

Bucky knows Steve in ways that his 21st century friends could never even begin to imagine. Or at least, they couldn't until tonight. It's about time somebody corrected all those historians that painted Steve as a straight-laced, God-fearing soldier, and what better way to do it than over a harmless game of "Never Have I Ever." What's the worst that could be said?

b) SHRUNKYCLUNKS

Waking Up Slow ♥ by odetteandodile - Words: 44,638 | Dad!Bucky, Kid!Fic, Hurt/Comfort

In 1945 Steve Rogers crashed the Valkyrie into the Arctic Ocean and was never recovered.

In 2019 Bucky Barnes is walking along the beach below the decommissioned lighthouse where he lives with his sixteen month old daughter when he finds the body of a man washed up in the surf, half frozen but miraculously alive.

Bucky manages to revive him, but finds that the stranger has no memory of who he is or how he got here aside from a name: Steve. Snowed in by a blizzard soon after and unable to get Steve a medevac, Bucky discovers that the funny, good-hearted man slips into the fabric of his and Alice’s life faster than he would have thought possible. The two are undeniably drawn to each other, but as their feelings grow so does the looming possibility that the answer to the question “who is Steve?” might be much more complicated than either of them realized.

Isn't It Ironic? (Don't You Think?) ♥ by HeyBoy, Huntress79, imhereforgaysuperheroes - Words: 33,342 |  Jewish, Dad!Bucky, Kid!Fic

Bucky is used to his daughter bursting into tears in the middle of department stores. What he isn't used to is someone braving the wails and actually being able to stop Becca's tantrum in its tracks. Oh, and he's also not used to that someone being Captain America.

AKA, how Steve Rogers calms a screaming kid in Target and falls in love with two more Barneses than he had bargained for.

in my condition love's the best physician by aniloquent - Words: 9,177 | Pharmacy!AU, Russian!Bucky

“This situation is a little more delicate because I don't even know if he speaks English and I'm tired of going down to the pharmacy for constipation medication and allergy pills when I haven't sneezed since 1941.” Steve shouts.

The room falls silent, and he turns back around to find four pairs of stunned eyes watching him.

Tony, as always, speaks first. “He?”

Or the one where Bucky is a hot pharmacist and Steve keeps making up bullshit reasons to go see him.

c) MODERN AU

Home Is Wherever I'm With You ♥ by cydonic  - Words: 88,570 | Neighbors!AU, Slow Burn, Parent!Steve, Kid!Fic

This is what happens when you buy a house to flip having only seen the online images: you get more than you bargained for. Bucky Barnes brings all the tools to handle a dilapidated home, but he's hardly prepared for a smart-mouthed child (with poor aim), a crying baby, and the hottest dad he's ever seen in his life living right next door.

That House-Flipper!AU.

if only you could see me (for the pie that i am) ♥ by bitelikefire (theoleo) | Words: 35,121 | Baker!Steve, WeddingPlanner!Bucky

In which Steve is the proud owner of Frost; a semi famous local bakery in D.C. And despite the overwhelming insistence that it’s about time he start dating, Steve swears up and down he isn’t ready for that.

Or as of recently, just doesn’t have the time because of Mr. Barnes. The highly demanding wedding planner on the phone who keeps asking for nearly impossible deliveries and maybe Steve would like to personally strangle him. Maybe.

(There is pie. And misunderstandings. But a lot more desserts and eye rolls.)

So Alive ♥ from the Brooklyn Heights Books Series by GottaSaveBucky (Cosmic_Entity_1of4) - Words: 109,074 (Series Total: 165,440 + ongoing) | Bookstore!AU (sort of), Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky, DKink

A man wearing a light denim jacket over a dark blue shirt came into the shop, a box tucked under his right arm. Despite it being late afternoon, he was wearing sunglasses with bright blue lenses, and his long, dark hair was pulled back in a messy little bun. A few strands had escaped, framing his strong, unshaven jawline. The man looked into the café, smiled widely, and waved in Clint’s direction as he kept walking into the bookstore, and Steve’s mouth went completely dry.

Beautiful, was the only word to describe that smile; straight, white teeth framed by full, lush, red lips, bracketed by laugh lines and an adorable dimple in his right cheek, a charming little chin cleft just visible under the light stubble—Steve was struck literally speechless. And that was before he got a glimpse of the man’s backside. Slim hips and a round, firm-looking ass led to long, lean legs that were encased in snug, dark blue jeans.

“Guh,” Steve said, watching the dark-haired man continue on to the back of the store.

The Penthouse Suite ♥ by elle1991 - Words: 15,873 | S, DS, BSDM, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky, Happy Ending

Bucky Barnes has the chance to earn $5,000 in one night. All he has to do is go to the penthouse suite of a luxury hotel and spend the night with his client, one enigmatic Steve Rogers.

The catch? Steve is a massive pervert, intent on using this one night to satisfy every single one of his many debauched kinks.

Even ignoring the big box of sex toys on the bed, Bucky should have known he was in trouble the moment Steve opened his mouth and said his first words: "My name is Steve Rogers, but you can call me Sir..."

Burnin' For You by GoldBlooded - Words: 15,753 | Firefighter!Steve, Detective!Bucky, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

Steve Rogers is Fire Captain of Brooklyn’s very busy Station 118. He wants three things out of life: People he can count on, for everyone to get through their shifts safe and sound, and for Sergeant James Barnes to get the hell off of his arson scene.

James Barnes is Detective Sergeant of Brooklyn’s very busy 107th Precinct. He wants three things out of life: A decent cup of coffee, good leads to chase, and for Captain Steven Rogers to get the hell off of his arson scene.

Everyone knows to steer clear when these two have to deal with each other. Everyone knows about their mutual dislike and sometimes hatred. But what everyone doesn't know? How they got to be like that in the first place.

Collar Full of Chemistry ♥ from the Rich People Are Wild Series by 2bestfriends - Words: 188,437 (Series Total: 219,519) | Heavy BDSM, DS, S, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

Steve is very rich and desperate to feel in control of his life again after a recent divorce has left him feeling bitter and lonely. When he keeps crossing paths with a disaster twenty-something, an unconventional solution presents itself. Steve's always been one for following his instincts.

Bucky is very broke and can't seem to catch a break, especially after some asshole fires him for one fucking mistake. So of course, it follows that he should sign a contract agreeing to do everything and anything that same asshole wants for a whole year in exchange for a payout that could finally change his life for the better.

Toothpaste Kisses ♥ by buckybees - Words: 18,736 | Dentist!Steve, Patient!Bucky, Amputee!Bucky

Sitting in the horribly antiseptic gateway to hell, otherwise known as the waiting room, Bucky was deeply reassessing his life choices. Maybe if he didn’t eat ice cream for every meal this wouldn’t have happened.

Steve's a dentist, Bucky's a patient. You know the drill.

Out of the Blue ♥ by IsabellaJack - Words: 37,564 | PreSerum!Steve, Detective!Bucky (and Sam!), Mystery!Fic

“Does she have family?” Barnes asks again.

Steve tries to remember. “I don’t know.”

“You sing her praises and don’t know a simple info like that?” Barnes huffs, looking irritated.

Love Is An Ocean Wide by fancyh - Words: 29,009 | Shapeshifter!AU, Orca!Bucky, Marine Biologist!Steve

When marine biologist Steve Rogers helps to rescue an injured orca from the marine traffickers Hydra, he has no idea how his life will change. Once rehabilitated, the orca is released and disappears, and a despondent Steve throws himself into his work, only to feel a spark when a new volunteer arrives, a man with one arm and curiously familiar blue eyes.

Bucky has lived in the ocean his whole life. But when his family is killed and his sister captured by Hydra, he is forced to turn to humans for help. One human in particular intrigues him, a man by the name of Steve. As Bucky comes ashore to search for his sister, he finds himself falling for the man, but dangerous secrets still stand between them.

Includes clueless-about-humans Bucky, heart-eyes-Steve, and lots of Very Important rocks.

Innocent Until ♥ by L1av - Words: 136,866 | Lawyer!Bucky, Defendant!Steve, DS, BDSM, Top!Bucky, Bottom!Steve

Bucky Barnes made a name for himself as the attorney who could get anyone off, but he still lives by the saying, "Innocent until proven guilty." Steve Rogers finds himself on trial for multiple homicides but he swears he was only trying to protect a girl. Bucky's been in this business long enough to know when someone's innocent, and Steve is innocent. Steve already feels like a monster and Bucky's worried this guy's going to lay himself on the sword come his trial. So Bucky offers up another course for punishment:

Turns out, chains and whips really excite Steve.

Brooklyn Syndrome ♥ by lordelannette - Words: 158,350 | DARKFIC, Dark!Steve (VERY DARK, heed the tags, you have been warned) Doctor!Steve, Writer!Bucky, Kidnapping, Slow Burn, Graphic Violence

Bucky's back was pressed against the cold floor and he stared through blurry eyes as Steve stood over him. He was trying to push himself as far away as he could, using his hands and bare feet to slide himself out from between Steve's legs but he couldn't find purchase against the wooden floor. Steve's legs were locked on both sides of his hips and Bucky couldn't move, couldn't get away, and the room was swimming before his eyes and he couldn't focus, couldn't think straight. All he could make out was the hazy figure of Steve towering over him and he lifted his arm to push uselessly at Steve's shin.

"P-please," Bucky whispered. His voice was weak, like him, and his jaw trembled as Steve reached down.

Steve slid down onto the floor and effortlessly gathered him into his strong arms, cradling Bucky to his chest as he leaned against the wall. "Bucky," Steve breathed. One of his large hands slid gently into Bucky's hair, the other curving against his spine and pulling him even closer. "You're mine now, remember?"

Steve's grip tightened then it all went black.

lay me down (tell me i've been found) by coffeeinallcaps - Words: 25,188 | Modern!AU, DS, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

The collar is a little on the heavy side, and incredibly soft against Bucky's skin. Even softer than he thought it would be. It seems to fit snugly, and for a second he feels like he can't breathe. Then, Steve slides two fingers under the collar and runs them along the inside, almost all the way around. Bucky shivers. Goose bumps spread down his back, his arms. "How does it feel?" Steve murmurs, hooking his fingers into the ring and giving a gentle tug on it. Bucky swallows. Nods.

(In which billionaire businessman Steve shows up and turns Bucky's life into an improbable fantasy.)

All Those Things You've Always Pined For by LavenderProse - Words: 92,142 | Family Man (2000) aka the Nicholas Cage movie AU, Domestic, Kid!Fic, PreSerum!Steve

“Steve Rogers. I haven’t thought about him in…God, at least ten years. Probably longer." “Who is he?” Sharon asks, and perches on the corner of his desk, hands folded in her lap. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bucky clears his throat, tosses the sticky note onto the desk. “Steve was…my college boyfriend. We almost got married.”

It's been fifteen years since Bucky Barnes left Steve Rogers standing in a New York airport and never saw him again. Those fifteen years have brought him wealth and stability; everything his lower middle class Brooklyn upbringing had not provided. He is happy. He doesn't want for anything. He doesn't need anything. That's about to change.

Karma's A Fake Orgasm ♥ by daisymondays - Words: 51,637 | College!AU, Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, Slow Burn

There’s another abandoned mug, festering with mould in the living room — Steve offically has the world's worst roommates. And complains about them. Often. Bucky, tired of his lack of action, decides it’s time to avenge Steve's sleepless nights and unsanitary conditions once and for all. They’ll pretend to be the world’s most annoying couple: excessive PDA, loud fake sex, and general repugnance. The plan sounds easy enough; it will be strictly platonic. Or will it?

I'll Be Your Shield by 17 pansies (17pansies) - Words: 23,332 | Bodyguard!Steve, Rich!Bucky, Top!Steve, Bottom!Bucky

"If he's just minor nobility, why does he need a bodyguard?" Steve shoved the folder which held Barnes' details towards the middle of the table. "He's not exactly prime kidnap material."

"His parents aren't worried about kidnapping," Fury said. "They need someone to steer him away from the dumb ass situations he keeps getting into."

"You mean he needs a babysitter." Steve sat back and folded his arms. "Seriously."

I think this is a pretty diverse list :) There’s a good sample of everything here, some old fashioned post TWS recovery fics, some good dom steve/bucky, slow burns, fake pretend relationships and so forth!

PS: I’m on AO3 with more bookmarks plus my own hurt/comfort fics if anyone is interested :P

[rouiyan]

𝘞𝘐𝘛𝘏 𝘓𝘖𝘝𝘌, <3 [ 𝘭.𝘫𝘯 ]

synopsis: in which the worst christmas ever takes a turn for the better (and it rhymes!)

✧ idol!lee jeno x (fem.) reader ✧ best friends to lovers

✧ genres : fluff →  ᵃⁿᵍˢᵗ →  FLUFF ✧ word count : 2.8k ✧ disclaimers : none

✧ author’s note — an impulsively written fic, done in a single one-hour-long sitting, and therefore isn't structured very well and has two or three potential plot holes. was the og christmas special but then 'this shirt of his' decided it wanted to go from 300 words to >10k so there's that. merry early christmas !!

"oh dear, that was not a look," jeno hopes the sarcasm in his voice masks his fear. he's a second too slow when he pulls the photo away from your sight, you've already seen the garish fit, blue jeans with an odd cut and the equally blue long-sleeve paired with thick rimmed glasses and matted hair. haechan steals the photo from behind jeno's back and shoves it your way, a mischievous plot already forming in mind. to his delight, jeno's face grows in horror as he watches you grin excitedly at the picture in your hands. "aww, you were so awkward back then. this one's one of my favorites," jeno flushes deeply at your words, there is not a thing in him that can help it. unearthing the photo albums from their trainee days wasn't his idea. rather, it was yours, also making it so he couldn't help it.

"i think we're done for today," he hurriedly shuts the album in front of him without realizing you were still holding onto the photo. you look as if you were to complain and he's also a second away from opening it up again just to dissipate the frown on your face. instead, you say something a little more horrifying, "then can i keep this one? i like it-"

"no!" he retraces as fast as he'd exclaimed, "i mean- wait, why?"

renjun fakes vomits in the background as you reach up to pat down some of jeno's wild hairs. he's just as sick of this as haechan and the others. rolling his eyes, he watches the scene unfold before him like some monotonous kdrama, the male lead always ends up with the female lead anyways. hand back at your side, you let a giggle erupt from your bearings. jeno's face heats up a little more. "why are you so embarrassed, jen? it's not like i didn't know you back then."

the boy in front of you drags a hand across his neck in attempt to cool down the feverish feeling. "i- i know, it's just-" it's just i've liked you since back then. "i don't know," i've always known that i liked you. "it's nothing, really." what you think of me means the world to me.

jeno blinks once and you're one step closer to him. he debates never blinking again if it means never missing your actions. your hand is warm against his as you slip the picture into his palm, closing his fingers around it. jeno takes note of how your voice is also warm, "then keep it, i don't want it if you're not comfortable with me having it."

the picture lays on his bedside table as he stirs in the dark. the winter is cold and his blankets, though thick and abundant, do nothing to warm his heart, something he knows from experience only your presence can alleviate. 

jeno is more than eager to toss his blankets aside and go back to gaming but he remembers the text you'd sent after you'd gotten back to your place. something like sleep early <3 though he really only remembers the '<3' part for sure. funny enough, that's the one thing that keeps him up all night.

jeno counts one minute this time, only one minute after he'd pressed the 'post' button, until he sees your username and accompanying profile picture pop up in his notifications. the nct instagram account is for all the members' use but he knows that you only follow it to like his posts exclusively. it's totally not as if he'd checked each and every post to see which ones you liked. jeno beams and punches a subtle fist into the air under the counter. unluckily for him, haechan notices. "what, she liked your post again? you know, she liked mine too."

maybe it's actually a lucky happenstance that haechan had noticed. "what?! no, she didn't." jeno dives back into the depths of his phone and scrolls through to find his friend's christmas selfie. haechan only chuckles beside him and upon hearing this, jeno looks up with a slight twitch of his lip, "so you're kidding." taking his empty cereal bowl in both hands, haechan's smile only grows snarkier as he slips off the stool. he claps a hand onto jeno's shoulder, "chin up lover boy, we all know she's only got eyes for you."

jeno clips down a smile as he returns to his own cereal, the flakes now soggy and the milk now gray. he downs it all in three gulps, sets the bowl back on the counter, spoon clattering, and reverts his eyes back onto his phone just in time to see an incoming text from you lighting the lockscreen. merry christmas! i think i might have time to come over later today, like late late. ask the others if that's fine with them. he doesn't ask, he already knows it's fine when he replies not a second afterwards yeah sure, merry christmas to you too, he pauses, taking a breather before sending the next, extremely risky, text, see you later <3.

slamming his phone face down on the counter and jolting upright, the stool almost toppling over, he grabs the bowl with such force that has jaemin in the living room popping his head in to check if he's okay. evidently, he's not. jeno scrubs at the dishes with acute fervor in hopes to mask the embarrassment and oncoming wave of doubt that's sure to overcome him if he doesn't preoccupy his mind with other things. jaemin is just about screaming over the sound of the fifty or so dishes that have been left unwashed for weeks on end. "jeno! jeno, what are you doing?!"

the clanking of tableware ceases. jeno reroutes his mind to focus on tapping his toes as fast as he can as he veers in the direction of jaemin's voice, eyes frantic. the kitchen is silent, save for the gush of water from the sink behind him, though his voice is unnecessarily loud and unnaturally high when he speaks, "i'm washing the dishes."

"yes, i can see, but like- why are-"

he's is cut off by the sound of a ping from jeno's phone on the counter. jaemin is reaching over to check the notification for him when jeno's eyes widen even further and he yanks off the pink rubber dishwashing gloves with a resounding snap and dives for his phone before jaemin can even lay a finger on it. bewildered, jaemin gives a simple, "oh," in realization as he draws back.

you're gonna love my gift, jeno. i just know you will <3

and the dishes stay unwashed. at least they got a good rinse.

late, late turns out to be even later than precedented, for you at least, though you're sure that most the boys are still awake at 2:12 in the morning. it isn't christmas anymore but you lack the attentiveness to care in the state that you are in right now, pressing the buzzer just outside their door rather aggressively and panting in equal fashion. you slump into yourself as your mind glosses over the past day and how horridly it had panned out to be. frustration curls and lashes within your actions and you want nothing more than to just drop their gifts off and leave. 

crouching with both arms still planted taut on the bike, your frustrations seems to take on a path of their own, emitting echoing sobs from your being. the tears slide fast onto the floor beneath with nothing to obstruct their merry way. there, they accommodate each other to form a puddle of sorts, one that you stare intently at as it only seems to grow in size with every hiccup of a sob you give.

startled by the opening of the door in front of you, it's as if you've forgotten why you're here in the first place but upon seeing the boy at the door, your best friend who, by the look of it has been up playing games with heavy bags under his eyes, you don't bother to collect yourself or even conceal your tears. 

"y/n, why are you-" he stops, he can't help the laugh that so naturally comes to him. it really is only natural when the sight before him is so dismally absurd. you have indeed come bearing gifts. one of your arms, or the elbow of it, has a giant bag looped around it, the contents of a dozen or so wrapped oblongs threatening to overflow. both hands situated soundly on the giant bike before you, your whole configuration making it slightly difficult to fit comfortably in the narrow hallway. staring up at him, first confoundingly, you mull over the situation at hand yourself and, in the midst of the tears, you start to laugh as well.

you stand, stretching out the joints in your knees as you shove the bag into his arms and then almost run the bike into his balls, shaking your head in amusement and carelessness as he gives a yelp and a jump of surprise. he takes the bag in his arms and moves to let you in, though his eyes never part from you. simply, there is much that he wants to ask but he doesn't until you are safely put upon his bed and he is safely knelt before you, hands in your lap and also clasped in your hold.

"wanna tell me?" jeno's voice is soft, and comes in waves that both surge and surf your emotions. a lopsided and unmeaning smile graces the left corner of your lips, "tell you what, exactly?"

"the bike, for starters," he leaves a pause for you to chuckle, then goes on, "the time, why you were crying in the hallway...should i go on?" you fiddle with his fingers, his own tracing across your knuckles. the smile your expression stretches a little wider and a little more forlorn. "the bike...you said the chain or something broke on yours-"

"i've could just went to go get it fixed, y/n."

"i know, i know but then there was that one day where you were going on about some bike that you wanted to try out and i kinda just committed it to memory and bought it."

"i- i'm- but that was-" he's having difficulty computing the necessary words to encompass his enthrallment, "that was like four months ago."

"yeah and i was going to go pick it up after work today except…" you lick your lips to suppress another laugh. what had you so troubled just a few minutes ago now seems like a distant memory, "except i got fired," jeno's mouth hangs open, "so i went home first to cry and then i got to the shop like three minutes before it closed and then got into an argument with an employee there and then went home to cry again and then fell asleep and then woke up and remembered i had to get it to you before the end of the day but it was already almost two in the morning so i just said, 'fuck it, imma just go and see what happens,' and, well, here i am." you let it all simmer before closing it up, "that pretty much sums it all up for you, huh."

jeno's lips are slow to crease upwards as he processes all the information. he takes his hands from yours, also slowly, and instead places them on either side of your head. you beam down at him, cheeks flaming and lifting into a mirroring, and this time genuine, smile. he gives your head a little shake back and forth, in disbelief and incredulity all at once, "all that on christmas day?"

the way he pampers you never fails to get your heart pumping and adrenaline running tens of thousands of miles per hour. a smile so wide, your teeth even make an appearance, "all that on christmas day."

"well," both his hands are now on both your knees. he looks up at you with pondering eyes and in his room, only lit by the standing lamp in the corner, simply the sight of him is enough to take your breath away. jeno's thumbs run up and down the beginnings of your shins when his lips part with realization and you follow his gaze to the nightstand where, under his phone and a few other discarded items, lies the picture you'd only been able to catch a glimpse of the other day, yesterday. he stares at it for a little before bringing it to your lap to stare at it a little more. then, he turns it over to you, "will it make you feel better if i give you this?"

taking it from him, jeno has no idea how your smile could get any wider, any prettier, but it does. both his hands are back on both your knees, kneading soft circles into the skin. he wishes you weren't wearing a skirt in such cold weather, though either way you look just as mesmerizing to him. the smallest of a chuckle topples past your lips, your pretty lips, and you look from the picture to him with your eyes, your loving eyes. "i mean," you take another glance at it, "how could it not? you were so cute back then."

"you think so?" is what comes out of his mouth but truthfully, jeno has no idea what he's doing when he gets up upon both knees, now just a little under eye level with you. he has no idea what specific thoughts are spurring him on and he has not the slightest inclination of where this sudden courage is coming from. when lee jeno brings your forehead to his own, with a hand to the back of your neck, he is numbed to the mind and sustained solely on the thrum of his gut. driven by intuition, he doesn't render the flaming of your cheeks odd, nor does he take into account the second-long glance you give to his lips, the same lips that brush the bridge of your nose, the apples of your cheeks, the heights of your brow, before meeting your philtrums and then, ever-so-carefully, the pinks of your lips.

jeno is intoxicated by how you seem to move in tune with every string of his pent up desires. he doesn't give a second thought as to why, or even how, it happens; he just knows that it's because it's you, that if anyone else were to kiss him in the same way you were doing now, he'd be missing out on the very feeling that renders him speechless, dumbfounded, bewildered, awestruck, and lovestruck all at once. pulling back just a bit, your fingers graze over the line of his jaw as you mumble a soft, "merry christmas," into his lips. jeno paces himself to ensure he doesn't stumble over his words, "be mine?"

the second kiss answers the question he's been keeping to himself since he was fifteen.

you're awake when he falls asleep, a stupid smile still plastered on that face of his and you would've had enough mind to tease him about it later, were the same smile not on your own face. you're still awake about half an hour later when jeno stirs in his sleep, though instead of moving away from you, he only holds you tighter. however, you're asleep when he awakens a few hours later, a hand coming up to groggily rub at an eye as he reaches out for his phone only to realize that he doesn't need to check his messages. how could you have texted him when you're right there, in his arms?

he only checks his messages in the hour after you leave, and even then in his manager's car on the way to some filming site, jeno blushes, madly.

i forgot to say yes <3

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

✧ end note — ok i KNOW the fic kinda goes 📉📉 but i only really planned for the first two scenes and was like...now what — and just wrote whatever came to mind afterwards. i hope it's not too disappointing for my first off hiatus fic but whatever mans, i'm over it! anyways, i hope you still enjoyed some parts of it and i'll have you know, i'm very glad to be back. (WILL I STOP IT WITH THE BSF2L FICS? WILL I??), rouiyan.

[captainimprobable]

Been working on the sequel to my Lumity coffeeshop AU for a lil while, and since I’ve almost hit 10k here’s a very rough WIP of the beginning of ch 1 to celebrate! ~ “This might be a bad time to tell you this, but roosters….kinda freak me out.”

“Amity, we are literally swimming in roosters right now.”

Amity hugged herself, shaking but still managing to roll her eyes.  “We are metaphorically swimming in roosters.”

Luz snorted.  “Whatever, Miss Accurate.”

They both looked at the rooster pen in front of them.  A cow mooed in the distance, and they took a moment of silence to question the life choices that had led up to this moment.

It didn’t take very long.  The pipeline went like this: Amity had decided to work part time at a coffee shop to piss off her parents, and two years later she was on a six month anniversary trip with a chaotic ball of energy, tripping on bird feathers at a barn many miles away from home.  Simple.

“It...it was just supposed to be an air bnb,” Luz said helplessly.

“Luz, what did the ad say?”

Luz scrambled to take her phone out of her pocket, mindlessly swatting away the pig trying to eat it out of her hand.

“Uh…’stunning country views and a realistic farming experience.’” She stomped her foot.  “That is so misleading!!!”

“I genuinely think I’m about to pass out.” Amity said, swaying slightly.

“Babe, don’t say that.  The roosters can smell your fear.”

Amity glared at her girlfriend.  “Ha ha,” she said sarcastically.  “Fine, what’s next on the list they left us?”

Luz pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper covered in lines of print detailing exactly what they had to do in order to stay at the barn.  It was politely decorated with a post it note that read “Good luck, suckers!” 

“Inspect the roosters,” she read.  “Check for obvious genetic defects.  Separate these roosters from the rest.”

Amity held up a hand to stop her.  “No. Nope. I am not inspecting roosters.  I am not separating roosters.  I am going back inside, and I am going to read a book, and I am going to pretend there are no demon chickens out here ready to peck my eyes out.”

Amity gingerly tiptoed around the roosters, taking care not to touch any of them.  One brave animal attempted to peck at her skirt, but she let out an unholy shriek that scattered them all.  

Luz watched Amity flee the scene, sighing.  She picked up the list Amity had dropped and scanned the next few lines.  “The roosters with these defects will be…” she trailed off. “Oh,” she said, realization dawning.  “Oh no.”

Amity must have dozed off, because the next thing she knew, it was dark and Luz was shaking her awake.“Amity, wake up, we have an emergency.”

Amity was up in an instant.  “What’s wrong? Are you okay???” “Yeah, I’m fine!” Luz assured her. “It’s just uh…..” Luz rubbed the back of her head nervously. “We have a...situation?”

Amity yawned and stretched, rubbing her eyes as she stood up.  Immediately, Luz grabbed her hand and began dragging her outside.  

“Ugh, what time is it?” Amity asked, stumbling along behind Luz.   

“Uhhh about one am I think? I had to wait until now to do this.  It’s better under the cover of darkness.”  

Immediately, Amity felt a sense of extreme trepidation.  Whatever was waiting for her outside was definitely not something she wanted to see.

Her suspicions were confirmed when she was met with the sound of roosters clucking. When they reached the driveway, she stopped dead.  “Luz,” Amity said slowly, blinking repeatedly to make sure she was seeing things correctly.  “Why are there a dozen roosters in your car?”

“There’s actually fourteen,” Luz said, but faltered when Amity glared at her.  “Okay, so the thing is, well….the farmers wanted us to separate the roosters because these are the ones with defects.  And these are the ones they’re gonna sell for meat.”

“Oh god,” Amity groaned.  “Don’t tell me-”

Luz’s grin looked almost evil in the moonlight.  “We’re gonna save the roosters.”

“Luz, where the hell are you planning on bringing them??? Most roosters live in captivity!”

“So I looked it up, and it said that roosters thrive in forest climates, and the nearest forest is only two hours away!!!!”

Amity wanted to say she was surprised, but she knew Luz well enough at this point to know to expect this from her.  She reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.  “Luz,” she said gently. “I love how big your heart is, and I love that you want to save these animals.  But roosters are supposed to live on farms.  Also, you had chicken salad for lunch.”

Luz looked at her with puppy eyes.  Fuck.  Amity couldn’t resist that.

She sighed.  “Fine,” she said.  “We can save the roosters.  But you know the farmers are gonna make us pay for them.”

“Ahhhh thank you!” Luz squealed, throwing her arms around Amity’s neck.  She kissed her cheek.  “You’re the best.”

“I know,” Amity grumbled.  “Now get in the car before I change my mind.”

[myhoneststudyblr]

something crazy just happened...

i started this blog a year and a half ago and i honestly never imagined i would reach 100 followers let alone 15k!!! so i want to thank you ALL for being so lovely, welcoming and supportive - whenever i come on to tumblr, the studyblr community never fails to make me smile

this studyblr has been such an important journey for me and since i’ve made it i’ve grown as a person and as a student. it has taught me so much, from good study habits and self-care tips, to even some things about who i am as a person!

since i’ve created this blog and particularly in the past few months I've had the honour to meet and get to know some truly incredible people and i want to tag some people who i love and im so thankful to for being so kind: 

(you should all go follow their blogs if you haven’t already)

(btw it is probably gonna be quite long cause i have so much to say about these incredible people!!! sorry but im not really sorry XD)

@redlitmusbluelitmus MIA!!! i have already told you so many times how glad i am that you are my friend but i am going to do it again right here cause i can!! you are quite possibly the nicest, funniest and supportive people i have ever had the pleasure to meet. we haven't known each other for that long but in that time you quickly became an amazing friend and we have always just *got* each other!!! 💕💕💕

@study-van yasemin - our first conversation was pretty much a car crash and every one since has made me laugh and look like a proper idiot cause im usually just staring at my phone! i’ve followed your blog for so long and i’m so proud of all the amazing things you are doing and i’m so glad to have you as a friend after so stalking your blog for so long 💕

@museeofmoon zainab!!! we’ve known each other only for a short time now but our friendship was pretty much immediate!!! our conversations are filled with emojis, emoticons, capitals letters and XDs and i wouldn’t have it any other way!!!!! your posts are works of art and i will forever stan them <3

@headgirlstudy Ellie - discovering your blog was one of the best things to come out of my 2020 quarantine challenge cause you have this incredible style and simple beauty to your posts that i just can’t get enough of! i’ve loved having our fangirl conversations about taylor swift and all her incredible songs! you probably don’t know this but one of those conversations took place when i was feeling very low but discussing all the songs with you lifted me up so much so thank you xxx

@jeonchemstudy DAPHNE!!! if i ever create a bujo, i want it to look like yours because honestly, i don't understand how you managed to create such beauty!! we are interested in such similar things and it’s been so cool to find a fellow Gallagher girl lover (i was so shook when i found out you loved the books cause i usually feel very alone in my loved of them XD) and someone who is obsessed with last week tonight as me!!! x

@bulletnotestudies sabrina... you are just incredible and such a joyful person!!! i will always remember you messaging me when i posted that i was stressed about an exxay exam and your message was the last thing i saw before doing it and honestly if gave me such a boost! you’re positivity and supportiveness blows me away and i want many many more conversations with you xxx

@lattesandlearning laura - you were one of the most dedicated posters throughout the quarantine challenge and i loved seeing each and every one of your posts! i’m so glad to be following your journey and seeing what you’ve accomplished even in the short amount of time that I've known you <3

@upside-down-uni mo!!! another incredibly dedicated poster in the quarantine challenge and one that i always specifically looked out for! you and your blog have truly opened my eyes to other experiences and educated me more than you know just from your responses and posts! i always see that you like my posts and even on my dumb little text posts you often reply and it always makes me smile! i’m so glad that you’ve created this officially studyblr and thankful to you for making the community even more colourful 🌈

@coffeeandpies pat, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again but you are the basically the third person that i followed in the studyblr community and to think that we’ve actually had conversations and we are friends and mutuals is downright crazy to me because you are imo just one of those iconic blogs!!! you are a beautiful person inside and out and your text posts are hilarious and tell the best stories. thank you so much for being so lovely <3

@coralstudiies you were the first person ever to really message me on tumblr and i remember being so shook because i think your blog is just mind blowingingly incredible! every picture of your notes looks like a work of art and i don’t know how you manage to make them look so perfect!!!

@problematicprocrastinator beth, you are a pillar of positivity in this community and your supportiveness and openness is at a level that i aspire to! your morning messages are usually the first thing i see (at least when i still was going to school on the bus every morning before all of the corona stuff) and it always gave me a little boost for the day! you are an incredible writer and your dedication to supporting everyone in this community is amazing <3 (also your blog name is probably the best one i’ve ever seen and i’m so jealous ngl)

i could wax lyrical about every studyblr i know but this post is getting really long so here are more of my favourites (just know that if you are in this list i have a little monologue about how amazing you are in my head and i appreciate you so much 💕💕💕)

@chazza-studies-alevels @stuhde @captainofstudies @sosiaalitieteet @elleandhermione @mid-afternoon-tea @athenastudying @learning-to-think @serendistudy @philology-studies @rivkahstudies @emili-a-a @nabasynth @divinity-study @cals-desk @abbieestudia @studywithprincess @studybuddiesareoverrated @casual-minimalist @stu-dna @coffe-in-cup @adelinestudiess @intellectys @eintsein @einstetic

there are so so many more that could be added to this list and i’m sure i’ve forgotten people!! basically i ADORE every single person in this community and i’ve loved getting to know all of you and i hope i’ll be able to meet more people in the next few years 💕💕💕

Now here’s the blograte celebration!!!

I did a blogrates for 10k followers but i enjoyed it so much and it was a while ago now that i want to do it again with all you amazing people!!!

Rules

Must be following me although new followers are welcome too!

Must be a studyblr or at least mostly (cause I want to find some more studyblrs to follow)

Reblog this post

Send me an ask : in the ask begin with your favourite emoji so I know it is a blog rate then tell me a funny story! 

Please don’t send anons - if your studyblr is a side blog just tell me this in the ask

Please let me know what you tag your original content with (specifically if it is not in your bio) 

Please be kind and patient! i am very busy this summer with lots of work as well as running my Summer Studying Challenge so it may take me a little while to do it but hopefully, i’ll get it done as fast as possible

I will be doing these blogrates until Wednesday 22nd July 

Format

URL | not my style | I kinda get it | awwww | I’m loving this! | how did you even come up with this masterpiece!?!??! |

Icon | what is it? | nice | aesthetic™️ | *heart eyes* | I WANT IT NOW THIS IS SO GORGEOUS |

Mobile theme | eh | nice | good | amazing | aesthetic af |

Desktop theme | default | nice | good | amazing | give me the code pls |

Following | no sorry, but you’re still amazing! | I am now omg! | how could I not?!?!! | forever and always ❤️ |

Original content | couldn’t find any :( | nice | great | well done! | I LOVE! | ABSOLUTE GOALS!!! |

i will be tagging my blograte posts with #myhoneststudyblr15k if you wanna blacklist them so your dash doesn’t get filled up!!

Thank you everyone!! <3