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dazed--xx · 20 days

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🌒Rewriting Destiny🌒

Member: Duke! Chan x reader

Word count: 16k

Trigger warnings: ANGST, Death (FL), psychological, trauma, poisoning, parental neglect/abuse, arranged marriage, anxiety, Nobility, engagement at a young age, regression, murder, revenge, mentions of magic, PTSD, manipulation, regretful ML, Resentment, betrayal, classism, 17th century ideals, homophobia(mentions), SOME!historical accuracy, LOTS! of historical inaccuracies, BREAK UP!, grief, mourning, denial, failure to let go, etc…

A/N: God damn this mf long lol, this has taken fucking forever but I worked really hard on it and HAD to break it into two parts because of the length. Part 2 will probably focus more on Chan 'redeeming' himself and their relationship in the current timeline and more flirty moments. BUT I really hope you guys enjoy this one

Love….

What is love, truly?

If you were to ask her mother; Love is weakness. A nuisance and any signs of it will be dealt with accordingly.

If you asked her personal maid; She’d say love is a burning passionate inferno you must work hard to be sure it doesn't extinguish.

For Y/N; Love is torture. It grabbed a hold of you like a boa constrictor, engulfing your entire being before slowly squeezing the life out of you. She sat quietly as her maid, Aera, brushed her onyx tresses. “I heard His grace has returned from his expedition. Shall I make you extra pretty so you can give him your greetings, My lady?” Area questioned with a sad yet hopeful smile. Y/N looked at her through the mirror, “His grace would prefer to return on another year-long expedition than have my greetings” She commented softly. Her voice never wavered though, she was dying inside. “No…rather set up tea and snacks in the garden for the returning knights and his grace. Also, have the cooks prepare a hearty meal for them for dinner. The expedition may have contributed to strengthening the knights but they have a habit of neglecting their health.” She continues. Area nods as she finishes doing Y/Ns hair.

“And if his grace asks for your whereabouts?”

“I will be in my study” Y/N answers, knowing it made no difference.

Though it had been a year since she had last seen her husband. Her heart always shook in fear and excitement when he would return home from his expeditions. She sat at her vanity, taking a deep breath as her mother's voice rang in her ear. ‘If you fail as the Dutchess and don't produce an heir; You would beg for my punishment in comparison to the power of the Bang Dutchy.’ She flinched at the memory, her arm lifting in a defensive position as she waited for the strike that hadn't come in 10 years. She lets out a sigh of relief as she's brought back into the luxurious bedroom. Her breathing is shaky as she lifts herself from her seat. Her hands tremble as she brings herself in front of her bedroom door, she hesitates as she reaches for the handle. Just quickly make your way to the study. She tells herself; Keep looking forward and go to the study…Her heart feels like it could pound out of her chest as she pulls the door open. Out into the battleground that is the Dutchy. Out of the safety of the cage that is her bedroom.

It had begun shortly after she had arrived at the manor. The whispers from the maids and butlers about the Count's temptress of a daughter who tried to seduce the Duke at 8 years old. She learned early on that responding to or acknowledging such rumors was unbecoming of a Dutchess. Y/N winced as she remembered the stinging of the riding crop against her spine, from her attempt to speak against her sister-in-law, Kari, who was cheerfully laughing with her friends over the matter. She learned quickly, that her mother was correct. Failure, Weakness, and Disloyalty will be quickly snuffed out in the Dutchy. Her sister-in-law held reign over the staff and managed the household, ruling with an iron fist. Despite her title, to survive, Y/N lived as Kari’s dog.

While she was expected to represent the Dutchy at social gatherings, the nobility always referred to Kari for anything. Y/N was the Dutchess by title only. Aera, who came with Y/N from the county; Would complain late into the night about the other staff's mistreatment of her master. The many nights Aera would stay up with Y/N pleading for her to put in a formal complaint with the Duke.

She couldn't…

When she had married Chan, he had only one request after their wedding night. “Do not approach me beyond our scheduled meetings” so she remained with her head down allowing Kari to maintain her position. While she enjoyed remaining in the shadows. She could see the cogs spinning in Kari’s mind. The leash around her neck was tightening. New rules had been implemented courtesy of her ‘Husband’ and his return from his expedition.

The Dutchess is to be moved to the Rose annex

The Dutchess will refrain from returning to the main manor

The Dutchess may never needlessly approach the Duke.

The Dutchess will begin taking contraceptive potions nightly, immediately.

Y/N sat at her desk looking over the declaration once more. She was confused. It was normal for Chan to ask for her presence to be absent when he returned home; he'd usually requested to speak with her to discuss living arrangements as well as a schedule for ‘night meetings’ to keep appearances that they were trying for an heir. Y/N felt slightly disappointed, Chan had requested for her to take a medicinal potion that has proven harmful to her health. She sat for hours staring blankly out the window. The signs were beginning to appear one by one. The family she had married into had lost use for her...

Y/Ns blood ran cold as she came to the realization. The move to the annex, the maids becoming more and more ruthless, and the lack of guards around her annex becoming more frequent. Her time is slowly coming to an end. She wondered if there was a point to all of this. Would there be a point in running? Her mother would hunt her down and skin her alive if she did. ‘Die a respected Dutchess rather than run and be a divorced beggar’ she could hear her mother say. Y/N watches as the blue clear sky fades into a bright purple and orange hue.

A knock on her door pulls her attention away from her thoughts. “Yes?” She calls monotonously. “The Duke is in the receiving room, My lady.” Area calls softly. Y/N's eyebrows furrow in confusion. “My lady?” Area calls once again when she doesn't reply. “I-Im coming! I apologize, Aera.” Y/N replies as she shakily lifts herself from her seat. The whole walk to the receiving room Y/N worried.

Why was he here? He's never visited of his own accord. What could be happening? Would he cast her out himself? A petite hand grips her own pulling her out of her thoughts. Y/N stares at the owner, as Aera gives her a comforting smile. Y/N lets out a sigh, the butler pulls open the door. She hesitates for a moment, it had been a year—one full year, since she had last seen her husband. A lot could change in a single year. She feared how her husband had changed; it was never good for her. She entered the room, her heart sank into her stomach. There he sat, at the head of the room. A flurry of maids standing about waiting on baited breath for his every command. His hair was no longer the clean-cut style but overgrown, sitting raggedly over his forehead and disheveled. Evidence of his bath dripping onto his loose black shirt. He sat a scowl on his plush lips as he sipped his tea. “To what do I owe the honor, Your grace?” Y/N questioned monotonously. “Should I have a reason to visit my dear wife?” He states smugly as he places his tea on the table in front of him. “Especially when I do not receive her greetings after a year-long monster-hunting expedition and come to discover she no longer lives in the same house as me?” Y/N stares at him in bewilderment and confusion. “Your grace?” She stammered “Please, take a seat” He gestured to the loveseat in front of him, his face no longer containing any emotion.

Y/N sits nervously as she begins to question her husband. “I apologize, but what do you mean? I’ve received your letter and followed your instructions.” Chan furrowed his eyebrows as his ears perked up “What letter?” Y/N's attention is pulled away from him by the slight clink of a teacup being placed on the table in front of her. Y/N's eyes remained focused on the maid for a moment, she couldn't quite put her finger on it but something felt…off. “Have you gone deaf in the past 5 minutes?” Chan questions frustratedly. Y/N shakes her head taking hold of the teacup and taking a sip. “No, I apologize. I've not been feeling well today” Y/N states calmly. Her throat begins to feel a small burning sensation. “What letter? When did you receive a letter from me?” Chan asks stoically. Y/N coughs slightly “My apologies, I received your letter about one months time ago” She takes another sip of tea trying to alleviate the growing discomfort. Chan stares at her with his eyebrows raised “And you are sure it was addressed from me?” her throat begins to burn incessantly. Her eyes widen as her mouth fills with a coppery tast as she coughs again.

“My lady?!?!” Area exclaims worriedly “Y/N?!”

Only then does Y/N make the connection. The maid—She works in the main manor, and she’s Kari’s personal maid. Y/N stares at the teacup in her hand, dropping it in a panic. Her eyes meet Chan’s for a moment. He sat stoically, but his eyes never once left her. Y/N rushes to her feet, reaching out for her personal maid “Aera!” She calls. Her tone gurgles and hoarse as crimson cascades out of her mouth. Her legs give way beneath her as she feels arms around her. The room begins to grow blurry as she feels the life fading from her body.

No…No not yet, please God! Don't let me die! I didn't get away…I-I was never happy please! She prays God please let me be happy. “If I could do it all over again…Id have never married you. My biggest regret was walking down that aisle…” She croaks as everything fades to black.

Her eyes shot open as she felt breath return to her lungs. Her hands trembled at her sides, her heart pounded in her chest. The familiar white walls with gold accents has her in a daze as she pulls herself from the duvet and rushes toward the window. My parents estate…She lets out a sigh as she steps back toward the bed. A warm soft wall blocks her path, “oomph” she hears from behind her. “M-My apologies, My Lady” a petite gentle voice called. Y/N's eyebrows furrow as she scans her maid's face. Aera looked…different—younger even. “I-I’m Aera…” she continued.

“What?” Y/N questions bewildered “Why are you introducing yourself to me? Am I at my parents estate?”

Aera gives her a befuddled expression “Pardon?”

“I know your name Aera, you've worked for me for 10 years now.”

Aera shakes her head at Y/Ns words “No, My lady. Today is my first day…” Y/N freezes for a moment. “Bring me a mirror!” she requests firmly. Aera rushes to her vanity and hands her a jade-handled mirror. Y/N stared at the object with shock and disbelief. How could this be possible? She wondered Kari had one of her maids destroy this on my wedding night…How—She flips the mirror, gasping in shock she's met with a youthful version of herself. Her cheeks were no longer sunken in and now sat a lively pink. Her skin and lips no longer pale and cracked. The scars from Kari’s punishments no longer decorated her hands and arms.

Did God hear her prayers? Has time gone back?

“Aera!” Y/N calls in an almost chipper tone. The young maid's ears perk up as she waits for a command. “Yes, My lady?” she answered eagerly. “You said it was your first day, correct?” Y/N questions kindly remembering how meek and nervous the young maid was when she first started. Aera nods profusely “Yes, My lady. The count and countess said I will be going with you after your marriage as it is customary.” she explains. Y/N smiles at her, their memories from the past 10 years flow through her mind. “Yes, I have heard as such” She states with a soft nod. “Take care of me well...” Y/N sighs happily “I will do my best!” Aera exclaims excitedly. “B-But, My lady?…May I ask why you said I have worked here the past 10 years?”

Y/N freezes for a moment. She didn't understand it herself. Had I really gone back in time? Could it have been a prophetic dream? How could I answer her? “I tend to get confused after a long sleep, My apologies” A loud bang on her door startled both of the young women. Y/N hears a familiar voice, her nanny, pleading with someone on the other side of the door. The familiar call of her nanny's voice has her rushing to the door and pulling it open. Her heart sinks to her stomach as she comes face to face with her mother.

A sharp sting on her cheek and the sound of skin connecting with each other rings through the air. Y/Ns legs give out beneath her as she stares up at her mother in shock, as she attempts to rack her brain in search of her mother's reasoning. It all felt too familiar “M-Mother…” Y/N stammered nervously. Her mother scowls at her “Have I given you permission to speak?” Y/N shakes her head rapidly; Her nanny and the maids stand frozen in their places as her mother brings her can down forcefully on her right hand. Y/N cries out in pain “I-I'm sorry!” she whimpers. “You should be. Not only did you have the sodomite escort you. The behavior you showed with that—that lowly Knight. You deserve worse…How dare you embarrass your family like that?!” Her mother scolded. Y/N shakes her head in denial as she finally remembers. “N-No…Hyunji—w-we were just talking—please!” She pleads trying to move her mother's cane from her hand.

“You are to be married to the future heir of the Bang Dutchy and you are galivanting with a knight. Smiling at another man in the same room as your fiancé.!” Her mother growled. “H-He’s a knight of the Bang Dutchy. I should be acquainted with my future people…” Y/N tries to argue to no avail. Her mother lifts the cane holding it firmly in her hand as she brings it down harshly on Y/Ns spine. Y/N cries out painfully “Stop!”

“Stop?! You behave like a courtesan and you expect not to be punished?!” Her mother brings the cane down in 3 quick whips.

“Countess! Countess! The bruises may not heal in time for the wedding!” Her nanny pleads “She learned her lesson…please!” Y/N stares at the ground burying the pain and tears as her mother taught her oh so many years ago. “Don't embarrass this family more than you already have.” her mother warns before turning and exiting the room. Y/N released a breath she didn't realize she was holding as the maids quickly shuffled around her. Bringing her to her feet and rapidly cleaning the small traces of blood on the ground. Y/N stared blankly ahead as they continued to fret and fuss about.

It would almost be impossible to call off the engagement…Mother would kill me if I was somehow able to get the contract annulled. Kari will kill me if I get married….10 years is a lot more time to come up with a plan….I just have to either get Bang Chan to help me annul the engagement(which should be no problem considering around now is when he began to despise me) or run away before Kari can kill me…

Please!

Do something!

Y/N?!

Someone help me please?!

Why are you just sitting there?!

Y/N? Please…Im begging you!

Open your eyes!

Chan’s eyes flash open. His heart is pounding rapidly in his chest as he caresses his head. Sitting up in bed he feels dizzy, his vision slightly blurry. “Young Master. Please lie down…you drank quite a bit last night.” His aide, Felix, states with a disappointed frown. Chan shakes his head in frustration. “Wouldn't you?” He growls. Felix stares at him stoically. “I understand the future young miss upset you. But it was I who suggested she get acquainted with the knights…you did not need to overindulge”

Chan furrows his eyebrows “Future young miss? What are you talking about?!” Chan snaps “I'm not getting married again I told you this!”

Felix raises his eyebrow in confusion “Pardon? Again” Felix brings his hand to Chan’s forehead. “Are you not feeling well?” Chan shakes his hand off of him. Only then does he realize; Felix looked…different. It was Felix, he could clearly see it was him, but he was—younger! Chan quickly shoved his duvet to the side and rushed over to the large mirror across the room. His eyes widened as his youthful appearance came into view. “Felix?!” Chan exclaims excitedly as he touches his own face over and over “How old am I?!”

Felix stares at him like he's grown a second head “19?” He answers confused. Chan smiles at himself in the mirror as a laugh erupts from his chest. He takes a few steps back as tears fill his eyes. “It worked…” He whispers to himself. “It really worked…” A sob begins to crash over him like a tidal wave as tears cascade down his cheeks. “Young master?” Felix questions worriedly. Chan shakes his head in response. He won't understand….not anymore Chan thinks to himself. “Nothing” Chan sniffles quickly trying to pull himself together. “So about the young miss?” Felix questions. “It's just as you said. The rumors about her started because of your suggestion. You should get ahead of them and have any one that spreads false information dealt with immediately.” Chan states as his eyes grow dark.

His mind wanders to Y/N…A new life Y/N, I promise. I'll give you a new life. I'll make sure marrying me isn't your biggest regret this time. Her memories, her pain, her death. He prays it was all reset with this spell. He wished he could forget it all too. But now he had a chance. A chance to fix things. A way to make sure nothing bad could happen this time: a chance to protect her properly this time. “Felix what's on my schedule today?”

“A meeting with the Duke. Then to the training grounds after that, I believe Lady Kim wished to have tea to discuss your venture into her guild. After that, I believe the Dutchess has requested your presence at dinner tonight.” Felix explained studiously. Chan held back a snicker at the way his best friend behaved when they were younger. Remembering the astute Mage he's destined to become. “Tell Lady Kim, I apologize but I must go to the L/N County,” Chan states as Felix hands him a button-down shirt and black slacks. “Also, please inform the count Id like to speak with him.” Chan explains as he grabs his clothes and begins to dress himself. Felix places his hand on Chan's shoulder giving him a knowing but serious look as he shakes his head in disapproval. Chan sighs in frustration. God dammit…he does remember.

“Fine. Tell my father that I will be there soon”

Y/N strolled quietly through the garden as her mind wandered. How could she get away from here? She sighed; Her hands trembled slightly at how terrible the punishment would be for attempting to call off her engagement. The sun's rays danced upon her cheeks. The warmth embraced her comfortingly. Her greenhouse appears over the small hill leading off the property and into the forest. Her heart swelled in happiness. It had been so long since she had last seen her little oasis. After she had woken up in the past; her mother placed her on strict lockdown after the ‘stunt’ she pulled at the banquet. It was now 10 days until her wedding… She pouted to herself He's going to be visiting soon….She could remember vividly how it went the first time

*10 years ago- First timeline*

Y/N stood in the garden. A small smile on her lips as she helped the gardener with the Strelitzias. Her heart quaked in anticipation. She's going to be married in 5 days. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, her fiancé would be arriving at any moment. Y/N couldn't contain the giddiness she felt at seeing her handsome raven-haired fiancé. She had not seen him for 2 years due to his involvement in the war. She had heard he returned a month prior

Y/N felt slightly disappointed when Chan did not come to see her right after his return. They had grown close over the past few years. She assumes that the war had left him fatigued and he needed rest. It had been odd to her that she had also learned of his return through the rumor mill and not from him. She had written him frequently during the war, though his letters have dwindled over the past year she still held out hope. Hope that he felt the same way. Hope for their future. Hope for friendship and mutual love. So as she returned back to her room and learned Chan was in the reception room, she quickly rushed to greet him. Her heart almost burst with excitement.

She smiled brightly as she entered the room. “Channie!” she exclaimed cheerfully as she made her way to the loveseat across from Chan. She freezes when he lifts his hand and a dark glare sits on his face. “Please refrain from using such childish nicknames. I am the heir to the Bang Dutchy; not one of your lowly playmates” He states monotonously. Y/N's eyebrows furrow in confusion “I-I apologize, Your Grace” Chan nods boredly, he snaps his finger, and his aide, Felix, hands him a small stack of letters. “Also, refrain from doing this anymore as well. Our engagement and marriage are nothing but formalities. Do not allow yourself to be confused.” He tilts his head slightly with an arrogant smirk. “There is no reason to harass me with useless things while I am at war. I am only marrying you to inherit my rightful title.” He scolds. Tears build in Y/Ns eyes as she stares into her lap for a moment. She takes one…two….three shaky breaths before she quickly masks her emotions. “I made the mistake of believing we were friends. I apologize, Your Grace” She states meekly. Her expression is completely blank as she stared at Chan. “I do not recall myself telling you we are friends, I do not wish to grow a close relationship with you!” He snaps “I understand, and why is this? What have I done?” Y/N questions.

“A lowly Count’s daughter like you doesn't deserve to marry into the Bang Dutchy. You lack the education, etiquette, and overall quality to be the Dutchess…but since my mother is so insistent on this. Be sure to stay out of my way—both before and after our wedding. I will do my husbandly duties but do not expect love nor affection in our marriage”

*Present*

Y/N shuddered at the memory. She wished she could go back and smack herself for allowing him to belittle her in such an embarrassing manner. At the time, she sat still and properly lowered her head due to his words. This time, she will take any form of punishment from her mother just to make Chan the one flustered and utterly mortified. She'd lay down her life if that's what it takes to prevent the marriage she experienced before she came back in time. “My lady, why are you just staring at the door?” Aeras petite voice pulls her from her thoughts. Y/N jumps from the intrusion, her cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “I was just thinking…” she chuckles slightly.

“You have received a letter from the young master of the Bang Dutchy….” Aera states softly as she extends her hands holding a small letter tray with an envelope sitting in the middle. The Bang seal is a prominent fixture in the middle of the envelope. Y/N stares at the tray for a moment. What? He never sent me a letter before he arrived in my past life… why? She questioned to herself as her eyes never once left the seal. “My lady?” Aera asks worriedly. Y/N shakes her head in response as she takes the letter and opening it.

‘Dear Lady Y/N,

I apologize for not writing you sooner. War had taken hold of my mind and I could not allow myself to be distracted. I returned home a little over 20 days ago, and once again I extend my apologies. I must say, I find myself wondering how you are doing. My mind seems to be full of nothing but you. Have these two years been kind to you? My heart races in anticipation at the thought of our marriage. I know these past two years may have been difficult but as I am home now, I will take care of you. I hope to see you. I long to see you, my heart aches as these days pass and I am losing my patience. May I please see you tomorrow? You cannot imagine my longing. I shall wait for your letter.’

-Bang Chan

Y/N's eyes widen as her cheeks burn a bright scarlet as she reads the contents of the letter. Why did he say these things? Who was this person? How could things be so different than I remember? “Aera, Can you please bring me stationary and something to write with?” She requests flustered.

No matter how many sweet words may be exchanged…Our marriage is only destined for disaster.

Chan’s leg shook in excitement. He'd sent Y/N a letter just this morning yet, he was on the edge of his seat. Hoping she’d respond as she always did. He felt giddy at the thought of receiving one of her love-filled letters once again. He'd missed reading every passionate word. She wouldn't leave his mind. Her smile, Her soft expressions, the gentle honorable way she held herself. Everything about his fiancè had his body practically vibrating. He no longer wished to wait to claim his wife once again. He lost her in his previous life, long before the burning memory of her final moments continuously plagued his dreams nightly. He needed to see her, speak to her, and finally for once just hold her. He prayed for her letter to come soon. He contemplated just using his title to force his way into the County and planting himself beside her, but Felix warned against it. ‘Never force your emotions on a woman’ He explained. Chan felt as if he was going mad.

A knock on his door has him jumping to his feet. The sight of a letter in the butler's hand makes him rush to grab it off the tray. He stared at the letter, his finger tracing over the count's seal. He couldn't help but feel a slight twinge in his chest. He could remember how excited he'd get to receive a letter from her in his first life. Every letter he had received from her contained this seal. He could still remember how harshly he'd been forced to snap on her in his previous life about her letters. He scolded himself, but he never received another letter from her after that day. Even then, he regretted saying those words as soon as he uttered them. But at the time, the risk Kari posed in her life overpowered any feelings he had for his fiancè. He should have realized back then, that even if he distanced himself from her as long as Y/N sat on the Dutchess seat, her life would be in danger. His breath was shaky as he opened her letter.

‘Dear Lord Chan,

My apologies, your grace. I have been ill recently and cannot see you. Welcome back, as you understand rest is important to ones health so I believe it would be best to not see each other until I've regained my strength.

-Y/N L/N’

Chan's eyebrows furrowed in disbelief as it felt like his heart was shattering in his chest. No…Why? She's lying…Why is she lying? She's not sick…she wasn't in my previous life…so why? His hands shook at his side as anger and confusion bubbled inside of him. Taking a deep breath to calm himself down. Why would she lie? In the past, she was waiting for me! She loves me right now so why? I hadn't made any mistakes yet…….

Perhaps she was truly ill, yet he couldn't remember a single sign of illness from his previous memories. He can vividly remember her excitement, the cheerful way she exclaimed his childhood nickname. Is she avoiding me? No…She couldn't be…She loves me…She adores me…but what if—-his stomach churned. “No, there has to be an explanation.” He whispers to himself. “I should send the doctor there and—Felix!” He calls “Prepare a carriage!” He had to see for himself, he needed to see her—even just a small glimpse would satisfy this desperate ache. The memory of his beloved coughing up blood as she desperately clung to her personal maid, sent a sharp spear through his chest. Her final words ring through his mind ‘If I could do it all over again…Id have never married you. My biggest regret was walking down that aisle…’ He winced to himself. As the image of her body appears before him, he drops to his knees in a panic. His breath gets caught in his throat as he desperately reaches out toward the apparition. No! She's alive! She's alive now…I need to see her. I need to be absolutely sure everything is going right. “How am I supposed to continue waiting?!” Chan exclaims to himself as he clenched his fist slamming it on the ground.

“Patience…” A familiar deep voice responds. Chan lifts his head as he sees Felix holding Y/N’s letter. “Felix…—No. My memories may slowly be returning but I do remember how specific I was…nothing. And I mean nothing must change prior to your first meeting that day with Y/N. Your impatience can ruin everything we've worked for!” Felix cuts him off. “I don't remember this from before so why do you have another letter? When did you request to see her?” Felix questions. Chan shakes his head, “How did you expect me to just remain still and try to do things like before?! How can you expect me to not want to see her?!” Felix snaps his finger and the letter goes up in flames. Chan’s eyes widen as a look of horror decorates his features. “NO! What did you do?”

“I'm fixing the mistakes you made, lets hope things didn't change too much with this. I told you, there are consequences for even going back in time. Someone is still going to die. If you act before it is time, then that person will be Y/N again. The only person who can change things now is her. It's her life at stake. It's her fate! She's the only one permitted to mess with it. Things will go the same if you try too early. Remember, her memories aren't intact.” Felix states. “I will contact my resource in the county and give you an update on her okay? That is the most we can do until your paths cross as they did before.” He stares at Chan with a serious expression. Even at his small level of magic, his ability was terrifying. He implanted his memories to return slowly so as to not overwhelm his body with mana. Placing the unlocked mana of a high mage into his younger self could ruin any magic he had done before he turned back time.

“Can’t I just go see her…I will not interact with her. Just see her, she likes her garden so it shouldn't be too difficult to not be seen?” Chan asks desperately. Felix gives him an apologetic look. Chan feels himself deflate. Why didn't I see her when I first came home in my previous life? He whimpered to himself My beloved Y/N, wait for me.

Y/N’s hand trembles as her carriage approaches Bang Manor. She stared blankly into her lap, her hands looking almost smaller with the bright pink lace gloves sitting just above her elbow. The corsetted pink dress felt like pins and needles upon her skin. She adjusted the bust attempting to cover the very prominent cleavage. “Stop fussing with it!” Her mother growls. “It does not feel proper nor comfortable…” Y/N calmly states. Her mother closes her fan leaning forward with a smirk “Comfort, is a luxury you cannot afford. You need to look and behave perfectly.”

Y/N nods half-heartedly. “Men, no matter their title or accolades, cannot resist a womans ‘charm’ even a woman like you” her mother snides. “Mother, it is a garden party, for the women of high society. There will be no men.”

“Do you forget who's home this is?”

“How could I forget…” Y/N felt herself growing more and more frustrated at her mother's insistence on continuing the conversation. She did not wish to attend this garden party. How she wished her nanny hadn't been able to talk her mother down a few days ago now. In her previous life, Y/N begged and pleaded with her mother to allow her to attend this party. Her future sister-in-law personally invited her and her attendance was expected but, due to the banquet fiasco and the bruises left from her punishment, Y/N was forced to remain home while her mother attended the older women's party. Now that she knew what could possibly await her and Kari’s true nature, Y/N would do anything to not attend this party. She would have to remain alert and proper. She could not make a single mistake. Kari was as manipulative as she was beautiful. She was cunning and could destroy Y/Ns life with a single smirk. Y/N was the daughter of a lowly Count, though she had been engaged to Chan for 7 years now; Kari always liked to remind her of her position in society.

This garden party, in particular, Kari would describe as an introductory party. In her past, Y/N learned why Kari truly held these parties. Kari and the most prosperous daughters of the nobility enjoyed vetting and ‘playing’ with the hopeful ‘lower class’ of Viscounts, Barons and Earls. They'd enjoy pretending to spend time with the daughters all while slowly sucking away their ability to think a single thought without the higher-up's input. Y/N was the 14th girl they had done this to in both of her lifetimes, unfortunately. “Countess, Lady Y/N we have arrived.” the coachman called. Y/N's heart sinks deeper into her stomach as she feels a wave of nausea takes over her. Her mother raised her eyebrow as she stared at her. “Behave. And don't embarrass us.” Her mother growls as she exits the carriage and makes her way into the manor. Y/N steadies her breathing for a moment before she slowly lifts herself from her seat, exiting the carriage she is greeted by the familiar staff. The memories of their cruel taunts and whispers flash through her mind. Words get caught in her throat as she looks away from them. They didn't do it yet…things have changed…they won't hurt me this time. She reassures herself. A maid points her to the path to the garden, taking a deep breath she makes her way over to the party.

Y/N couldn't help but admire the Dutchess’ garden, knowing how much pride her mother-in-law put into creating this garden herself. Leaning in to smell the gorgeous roses she halts as a mop of jet-black hair catches her attention. She couldn't say she was surprised at the expensive, elegant aura Kari radiated. The false friendly smile that sat perfectly on her plush lips, as she ‘entertained her new pets.’ Y/N stood frozen in place as she watched her sister-in-law chat with her friends, looking almost innocent. If this had been the past, Y/N would have rushed over to the table excitedly as she imagined every other girl did when they arrived. She mentally curses herself when Kari’s eyes meet hers. A bright beaming smile forms on the younger girl's lips as she lifts herself from her seat at the table and makes her way over. “I'm glad to see you made it! My brother said you have been ill.” Kari exclaimed. “Greetings Lady Bang. My health has improved and I made a commitment, I'm here to honor it.” Y/N responded with the same amount of faux enthusiasm. Kari smiles as she tilts her head slightly “How becoming of the future Dutchess.” Kari gestures toward the table. “Please, have a seat.” Y/N stares at the only free seat available, right beside Kari and her friends.

Y/N could feel their scornful stares behind their sweet facades. She despised these women, the select few that made her previous life absolute hell. “Lady Y/N, I heard life in the county can be quite desolate. I'm glad to see its beginning to prosper considering your dress.” A red head named Sera questioned. Sera’s father, a marquis, was a ruthless tyrannical man. In her past life, Sera did not fall too far behind him. She was a viper of a woman. Her venom laced rumors could make or break a young woman reputation in high society. Kari eventually cast Sera out when it was revealed she had been in an 12 year affair with a knight in her fathers estate and in her desperation, attempted to bed Chan. Being the overprotective younger sister she was, Kari quickly cut off one of Sera’s hands at the wrist. ‘Do not covet something nor someone far above you…’ Kari warned the redhead.

Y/N shuddered at the memory. The sounds of Sera’s ear piercing blood curtling screams began to echo in her mind. “Where else would she have gotten it?” A blonde girl, Naeun, snickered “Her fiancè is the future Duke. Of course he wouldn't want her to wear her normal rags…” Y/N felt her blood run cold at the mention of Chan as she stares blankly at the teacup. She could imagine her mothers expression from the table across the garden. She knew proper etiquette; she should just drink the tea but, the idea of raising a single cup from this home has her growing weary. Kari had a target on her back for a long time. Y/N herself did not know for sure how long ago Kari’s hatred of her began. She couldn't be sure if her life was safe at the moment. Kari stared at her mischievously, “Is the tea not to your liking?” Y/N instinctively perked up as she lifted the cup to her lips taking a hesitant sip. “My apologies,” Y/N stated graciously “I must have lost myself for a moment.” Kari raised her eyebrow, a smirk hidden behind her teacup. “Beside that, I heard you recently became acquainted with our Knight, Hyunjin, has he lived up to your expectations?” Kari questioned innocently. “Beyond, as you may have heard I will be married soon, I recently heard he will be marrying his fiancé shortly after becoming my escort. What a lovely couple I will have serve me, I felt it was best to become acquainted prior so they could enjoy a honeymoon. I'd be honored for them to serve me on their return. ” Y/N countered politely.

“I’m sure you would…” Sera chimed.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing, it's just—it has been said you adore beautiful men so it wouldn't be surprising that Hyunjin is the first knight you approach…” Sera snides as the rest of the table begins to whisper amongst themselves. Y/N fought the need to groan “Are you insinuating something?” She questioned gracefully. Sera smirks as she flashes Kari a side-eye before responding when Kari nods subtly “I feel it is unbecoming of the future Dutchess to be involved in such a scandal. Imagine the embarrassment your fiancè must feel…” Y/N couldn't hold back her snicker “I expect you would know more about something like that, no? And the only ‘beautiful men’ I have been seen with are my future guard, my brother, and my fiancè. ” Y/N raises her eyebrow as she stares Sera down. “Your brother? Isn't he a fugitive?” Naeun questions worriedly as the group continues to whisper. “For what crime?” Sera questions with a look of concern. If there was anything Y/N could give to these three; it was their knack for theatrics. “Sodomy. He lies with men, but how could it be helped he comes from a perverse family.” Naeun gossiped. Y/N feels her blood boil, turning to Kari she lifts herself from her seat. “I must apologize. It seems I have not been as well as it seemed” She states before she quickly turns away from the table and makes her way back toward her carriage. She could feel three sets of eyes burning holes into her back as she made her escape.

Staring at nothing but the ground she walked away attempting to remain as invisible as possible. No wonder Chan changed so much…what else must he have heard back then? Have I always seemed so….disgusting? What did my brother do wrong? He was an amazing person, why did who he loved matter to everyone else? How could anyone be so nasty? A wall of muscle pulls her out of her thoughts as she collides with someone. “My apologies…” she squeaks as she pulls away attempting to make another escape due to her embarrassment. Her eyes widen when she feels two strong hands on her waist holding her steady. Her eyes trail from the broad firm chest covered by the black petticoat embroidered with golden tassels, up to their face. Her heart pounds rapidly against her chest as she comes face-to-face with her fiancè. “No, I should have been paying better attention but I grew distracted.” Chan apologized, his tone laced with something unfamiliar to her. “D-Distracted?” Y/N felt herself growing overwhelmed and panicked. It had been so long since I had last seen him…She thinks to herself Has he always been this beautiful? She shakes the thought out of her head as she feels Chan caress her cheek. His eyes never leave hers as he gives her a small smile. Why are you looking at me like that? She wonders.

“Yes, I was entranced by the view and lost myself”

A squeak is released from her throat as Chan pulls her into his chest. “Y-Your grace?” she exclaimed in shock. She feels Chan freeze for a moment, his hands coming to hold her shoulders as he pulls back. His eyebrows furrow together as he leans in close and examines her face intently. Embarrassment fills her stomach as her cheeks become a bright scarlet “C-Channie?” the nickname falls out of her mouth uncontrollably. Chan’s eyes brighten as his lips spread into a widen grin. “What a relief….” He whispers to himself.

“What?”

“Nothing, where are you going? Are you still not feeling well?”

“Unfortunately, so I am returning home.” Y/N lies. Chan stares at her with an almost desperate and heartbroken look. “N-No! But—why don't you lay down inside?” Chan suggests panickedly. Y/N stares at him bewildered. Who is this man? The Chan I know would have never suggested for me to rest here. “It would be best for me to return home…” she answers calmly. “Why? If it is about privacy, your room has been prepared for you already.” He responds casually. Y/N stared at him confused. My room? Before…i never had a room. Just guest room after guest room until I was banished to the annex…. “M-My room?”

“Yes? We are to be married in 7 days time. Why would you not have a room?”

“I—we aren't married yet…”

“You sound quite relieved about that….” Chan states with a sad pout. Y/N stares at him bewildered “Pardon?” a smirk forms on his lips “Was I wrong? You won't abandon me at the altar, correct?” he chuckles. Y/N doesn't say anything, just frozen in place with his arm wrapped around her waist as he leads her toward the manor. Her mouth hung open “That was not funny was it? My apologies” Chan states nervously as he escorts her inside. “Y-Your grace…it would be quite inappropriate for me to stay here. I will be returning home, my apologies” Y/N states trying to sound firm and still graceful as she turns to walk back toward her carriage. Chan grips her wrist softly “Y/N, wait! Please.” Y/N forces her wrist out of his hand. “Unhand me! Listen, and listen well…I don't wish to marry you. A marriage to you means too much and I don't want that responsibility. I don't want to be the Dutchess nor do I wish to continue to be held with such contempt by so many people. If you haven't heard, I'm not worthy of such a title. And I'm not going to risk my life to be married to you.” She growls trying to hold herself together. Chan stares at her wide-eyed for a moment before his eyes darken “What? What are you talking about? Who said you aren't worthy of that title?” Y/N shakes her head, “Do not mind that. Just know, that I will not marry you with joy and acceptance in my heart…”

“What happened? Tell me. Now.”

“Why must something have happened?”

“Were you going to answer a single one of my questions?” Chan retorts a menacing tone in his voice as he enters the garden with Y/N hot on his heels. “Your Grace, please, it is nothing..” She pleads with him as the laughter from the garden begins to ring through her ears. “Your grace!” Chan continues to ignore her as he walks straight up to Kari. “Pardon me ladies, but I must speak with my dear sister….” Chan states menacingly as he grips Kari’s arm lifting her from her seat and pulling her toward the Manor. “What is this about?” Kari questions, her eyes wide as fear takes over her features. As he passes a knight he leans over to him “Show Lady Y/N L/N to her room.” He commands in a whispered tone. “And do not allow her to leave until I've spoken with her.” The knight walks over to Y/N, “This way, My lady” He gestures toward the path she had just taken. With a reluctant nod, Y/N follows him.

“Y-Your grace…it would be quite inappropriate for me to stay here. I will be returning home, my apologies”

Chan’s heart sinks, No…You can't! Why? Why do you want to leave so bad? I've finally seen you, you're finally here in front of me….why are you behaving like this? His hand reaches out instinctively as she turns away, gripping her wrist softly “Y/N, wait! Please.” An ache forces its way through his chest as she pulls her wrist out of his hand. “Unhand me! Listen, and listen well…I don't wish to marry you.” Lies… “ A marriage to you means too much and I don't want that responsibility.” You can't be telling me the truth! You have to be lying…. “ I don't want to be the Dutchess nor do I wish to continue to be held with such contempt by so many people.” What? Contempt? My beloved…. “If you haven't heard, I'm not worthy of such a title. And I'm not going to risk my life to be married to you.” She growls trying to hold herself together. Chan stares at her wide-eyed for a moment before his eyes darken, I’ll kill them all… “What? What are you talking about? Who said you aren't worthy of that title?” His tone full of venom, his blood boils when Y/N only shakes her head and tries to wave him off “Do not mind that. Just know, that I will not marry you with joy and acceptance in my heart…” This couldn't be true, not after everything he had done. Not before he could make amends. Something….something had to have happened.

“What happened? Tell me. Now.”

“Why must something have happened?”

“Y-You wouldn't be like this….You love me. What happened? Tell me and I can correct it. Who said you aren't worthy of being the Dutchess? Was it someone at Kari’s party?” Chan questions his anger growing more and more evident. He notices the way she flinches at the mention of Kari’s party. That conniving little rodent! Seething at the way Y/N had a flash of fear when it came to this simple party. She should have been fine! She should have been safe! Kari’s hatred ran much deeper than I expected….He thinks to himself as he brushes past Y/N making his way toward the entrance to the garden. “Where are you going?” Y/N questions worriedly. He shakes his head to himself as he ignores her and continues walking. “It is unbecoming of the future Duke to just abruptly end a conversation by walking away…”

“Were you going to answer a single one of my questions?” Chan retorts a menacing tone in his voice as he enters the garden with Y/N hot on his heels. “Your Grace, please, it is nothing..” She pleads with him as his sister comes into his view, seeing nothing but red he makes his way over to his sister. “Your grace!” Chan continues to ignore Y/N as he stands in front of Kari. “Pardon me ladies, but I must speak with my dear sister….” Chan states menacingly, taking note of the fearful and guilty way she looked back at his fiancè before he grasps Kari’s arm lifting her from her seat and pulling her toward the Manor. “What is this about?” Kari questions, her eyes wide as fear takes over her features. Good….Time for you to learn your place here…He seethes as he passes a knight he leans over to him “Show Lady Y/N L/N to her room.” He commands in a whispered tone. “And do not allow her to leave until I've spoken with her.” Chan continues making his way into the manor with Kari.

“You can't just embarrass me like this!” Kari whines as she stomps her foot while the butlers open the main door.

��You cannot handle a fraction of the embarrassment you've caused Lady Y/N?!” He growls. “I do not understand, brother please just explain…” Kari stammered nervously. “Do you think me a fool?” Chan snaps as he grabs a vase and chucks it against the wall “Which one of those women told my fiance she is not worthy of our marriage?” Kari stares at him wide-eyed, her anger and fury decorating her features. “She may hear worse things when she becomes the Dutchess. She cannot run to you every time someone says something rude! And a lowly—whore like her is not worthy of becoming the Dutchess” She argues. Chan draws his sword as his eyes burn with a passionate rage “If you wish for your tongue to remain in your mouth, I would stop speaking”

“I am your sister! I am your true family! You would betray your blood for some pathetic Count's daughter? Placing someone so—so dirty in that position is an insult to our entire lineage!” Kari argues, Chan knows this could be dangerous. Y/N could be hurt faster by him pissing his sister off but between finding out just the fraction of what Y/N was put through at the hands of his sister before she died, and Y/N brushing him off because of his sister and her antics; his rage could not be contained any longer. “You have no need to worry, I will handle her and she knows I would like to speak with her after the party.” Kari continues. “No. You've proven too lenient with your friends, bring her to me. You have until the end of the day!” Chan declares.

“No! You’re going to be too harsh on her when she said nothing untrue! Lady Y/N is not worthy of being the Dutchess. Just from her family’s reputation alone she should not be permitted to be in that position! There is nothing honorable about bringing a crazy incoherent count, a vile and ignorant countess nor their sodomite son into our family and tainting it with their blood! She’s dirty and tainted because they are!” Kari snaps

“Have you forgotten who chose this engagement?! You volatile spoiled little child! I have gifted you leniency because father always concerns himself with your health but your insolence will stop now. You are to stay in the rose annex until you've repented by bringing me the one that said the fiancè chosen by both me and the current Dutchess is unworthy; Only then will your punishment be lifted.” Chan states firmly as he walks away from the foyer leaving Kari burning with a passionate rage in her stomach.

“You can't just do this to me! Because of one whore?!”

“Guards, bring my sister to the rose annex. She is to stay there until the one that has spoken such blasphemous words has been dealt with.” Chan ignores her as he makes his way to Y/Ns room on the second level of the Manor. His heart races as he knocks trying to quell his anger. “Come in…” Y/N calls monotonously. Chan hesitates for a moment. Has she calmed down? Will she pull away again? He sighs heavily as he pushes the door open. Y/N sat by the window staring blankly out of it, “May I return home?” She questions softly. “You should rest for a while and return home after…” He suggests kindly, as he strides across the room, his hand caressing her lower back. Y/N continues to stare out the window. Chan's eyes wander over her face. His heart fluttered as he embedded every inch of her face into his memory. The beautiful sunset hues that painted the room, she looked ethereal.

I have to get out of here....

Y/N thought to herself. She could feel Chan's eyes burning holes into her face. Confusion flowed through her. Why was he behaving so.....oddly? For the first time in a long time, she prayed her mother would be looking for her. She felt Chan shift, his arms wrapping around her waist as he leaned on her slightly. She notices the soft inhale he does as he nuzzles against her neck. "Y-Your grace?" She questions nervously as she steps forward slightly releasing his grip on her. "My apologies..." Chan smirks subtly "I was entranced by such beauty and behaved according to my own desires" he states flirtatiously. Y/N stares at him, her cheeks flushed as a bewildered gaze is painted on her features. What?....He couldn't be talking about....me? right? She wondered, How can he be so different than before? "W-well, I would like to request that you please refrain from such things, i-it is inappropriate and can be misunderstood" Y/N stammers nervously. She mentally palms herself for allowing her nerves to show.

"What could be misunderstood between a betrothed couple?" Chan argues his frustration grows at her behavior.

"Our marriage has not been officiated....we are not husband and wife currently, Your Grace. Therefore, Things can be misunderstood. You would not like if my reputation is ruined any more than it already is, would you?" She questions graciously as she turns to sit at the small loveseat in the center of the room. Chan remains where he stood by the window, his fists clenched at his sides. "Is that why you're reluctant to allow me to be close to you? What others would say?" He questions behind gritted teeth. Y/N can feel the room grow colder as she turns to look at Chan. His jaw was clenched as he stared out the window. "People say horrid things about me as it is. i would prefer to not be the topic of gossip." She states softly.

"Our wedding is in 7 days..." Chan states innocently. A pure, excited look on his features as he perks up. Her eyes widen, "Pardon?" her voice squeaks in shock. Chan's eyebrows raise as he approaches the loveseat and rests his hand on your shoulder. "Is a week's time too long?" He questions excitedly. She turns to face him a look of bewilderment on her features. "Your Grace..." Y/N sighs as she stares at her lap "I don't understand...."

"You said you would be worried about what people said about my behavior since we haven't officiated our marriage. I can hold the ceremony tomorrow if you wish." He states with an innocent pout. Who is this man? She wonders to herself. The wedding is supposed to be in a week. What does he mean, he could hold it tomorrow? Why is everything so different? Everything has changed....does that mean I can live? "Your Grace...I believe you have misunderstood me. I said I would be concerned about my reputation due to your behavior since I will not be marrying you" She states boldly. She feels his hand tense on her shoulder. "W-what?" He questions with a stammer.

"I was going to send a letter but since I was able to meet you here, I would like to request that you annual our engagement" She states coldly as she stares forward at the door. Chan feels his heart drop into his stomach. Y/N can feel his eyes boring holes into the back of her head. It sat quiet for what felt like hours before Chan released her and made his way out of the room without saying a word.

Y/N released the breath that caught in her throat. Relief washes over her as she gains the ability to breathe freely. Taking the opportunity, Y/N rushes out of the room and into the foyer where the workers freeze momentarily. Their eyes burn into her and she remembers their judgmental gazes from before. The way they'd eagerly follow Kari's command and torment her in their own ways. I can't stay here...Just through this door...She willed herself as she continued to run through the front door and onto the front lawn, seeing her carriage just past the gate; she walked quickly toward it. intercepting her mother who was being escorted into it. she avoids her mother's glare as she sits in the seat. Letting out a sigh of relief at her escape, she flinches quickly as her mother's hand connects with her cheek.

Chan's hands shook at his side as he rushed through the corridors. This cannot be true he thinks she has to be lying. Someone had to have said something to her. Chan couldn't process her words even as they continue to replay in his mind.

'I would like to request that you annual our engagement'

The words torment him as he searches profusely for Felix. This isn't right...This can't be possible. She loves me, she has always loved me. Why wouldn't she want to marry me? He rushes down the stairs to the back sunroom, he notices the familiar mop of blonde hair. Felix stood in the garden staring out of the gate as he watched a carriage as it left. His eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he stood with his hands cupped together behind his back. "Felix!" Chan calls, panicked as he rushes toward his aide. Felix stares at Chan with a look of concern. "What do you remember about the countess from your previous marriage to Lady Y/N?" Felix asks curiously. Chan freezes for a moment, "N-Not much, She died a year or two after our marriage. Y/N didn't go to her funeral..." He explains. Felix sighs, his head resting in his hand. "No...she wasn't permitted to leave at that time..." The blonde mutters quietly. Chan's eyes widen "On whose authority?"

"Yours. Your Grace" Felix snides "It was during your first monster hunting expedition"

"Anyway," Chan waves off his words not wanting to remember his brutish behavior "What about the countess? Has she become unruly?"

"She struck Lady Y/N...." Felix states bewildered "Quite harshly I may add" Chan's blood boils at Felix's words. She what? Chan feels his heart sink in his stomach. Did Y/N get hit often? Is this why she doesn't want to marry me? Chan's jaw clenches as his right hand instinctively reaches for his sword. "What?" He questions. Felix's eyes darken, "My contact in the County informed me it was a normal occurrence. Lady Y/N has endured harsh beatings from the Countess for many years on occasion having many bruises to the point she cannot appear in public" He states with a concerned and guilty tone. Chan's throat tightens, No that can't be true...That means before...

"Your Grace, did you know?"

"How could I have known? Even when we were in my chambers at night, I had to remain distant because of Kari's spies. We wouldn't really talk we'd just--" Chan stops speaking as the memory of their nights together flashes back through his mind. His cheeks turn a bright scarlet at the memory. The nights he was only able to express how he felt through his actions. He could vividly remember how it felt to caress her soft skin as she held onto him for dear life. He could remember her whimpers and the way she'd hold back her moans. Blood rushed to his head as Felix snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Erhm--That aside, Your Grace. If Lady Y/N is not safe even in her familial home, we may have to exert our authority and bring her here sooner." Felix reluctantly suggests. "She'd rather die...That is what she would say I believe...." Chan murmurs. "Your Grace?" Felix questions as he looks at the young future duke's distressed expression. Chan's heart felt heavy if his beloved had to live through a heavy hand and torturous life with her family too; he felt as if his world completely shattered. He should have paid closer attention after they had gotten married. He should have realized the way she always flinched when someone moved too quickly next to her in their previous life. He wished he could kick himself in the throat for the way he treated the woman he loved so deeply. There were only so many times he felt he could brush off his behavior as 'protecting Y/N from his sister' and he knew that. He became a horrible tyrant and treated Y/N as if she were a doll. She deserved more, He knew he could have done better. He should have been better.

Though his heart ached terribly, he could understand why. Her words as she lay dying in front of him repeating through his mind. If I could do it all over again…I'd have never married you. My biggest regret was walking down that aisle…He couldn't understand, did Felix's magic not work properly. She wasn't supposed to reject marrying him, if anything she should be ecstatic at the idea of him moving their wedding up. "Your Grace?" Felix questions as he places his hand on Chan's shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Apologies, what did you say?"

"Why would Y/N say she'd rather die than come here sooner? Your meeting with her is supposed to be in two days" Felix asks puzzledly. "She requests I annual our engagement..." Chan states dejectedly. Felix looks at him befuddled "That's impossible...." His aide states under his breath. Felix quickly turns away from Chan rushing deeper into the Manor. Chan's eyes widen as he follows behind his aide, He follows Felix toward the Staff's quarters and into the basement where Felix's lab sits. He quickly pulls a large box from a bookshelf and places it on his desk. Letting let out a shaky breath, Felix brought his index and middle to his lips, his eyes closing and soon the box glowed a bright sapphire blue, the top of the box opened and there sat a large glowing purple orb. "Ae-ra...." Felix grits as he clenches his fist. As he grips the side of his desk "That sneaky minx..."

"What? What happened?" Chan questions in confusion. Felix sighs "Ae-ra lied. She said she wouldn't tamper with Lady Y/N's memories, but her magic signature is here." Chan's heart sinks, "No...you said that this would be--Well, My wife seems to have me evenly matched" Felix cuts him off frustratedly. Chan notices the familiar jealousy, from the pair's relationship over the years. The two personal aides are the only connection between Chan and his wife. Chan was not surprised that their petty rivalry soon turned into love and then marriage. It was not a secret that Ae-ra was opposed to Felix turning back time with only the three memories intact. Chan couldn't argue with Y/N's closest confidant at the time. Ae-ra had been there for his beloved when he couldn't, of course, she'd find it wrong to not allow her Lady to have free will and knowledge of her fate.

*First Timeline- Y/N's Death....*

"Please! " Ae-ra cried her eyes widening as Y/N's head rested on her lap. Chan couldn't believe what happened. He sat frozen in shock and despair as Ae-ra continued to shout "Do something!" Her panicked and coarse screams pull Chan out of his daze. He lifted himself from the couch and dropped to his knees, his hands wrapping around his beloved as he lifted her from her maid's lap and held her tight. She stared up at him her eyes almost completely lifeless, "Y/N?!" He calls his voice trembling as he hears a small croak from her lips. He leans in to her trying to listen for any more signs of life. His eyes widen as he feels her torso tighten for a moment before he feels a warm liquid on his cheek. Ae-ra stares at him wide-eyed, their eyes connect for a moment before Ae-ra extends her handkerchief to him before she lifts herself from the floor and rushes out of the room toward the knights "Someone help me please?!" she screams as she disappears.

Chan can feel the eyes of the maids on him as he holds Y/n's lifeless body against him. His eyes darken as he looks at his staff "Why are you just sitting there?!" He growls. Felix's deep voice booms as he orders the maids to clean and find a doctor for the Dutchess. Chan sat frozen as he held Y/N close to him. Tears build in his eyes as he silently pleads to Y/N. Please…I'm begging you, Open your eyes! His body aches as his regrets fill him. "Felix, Get the maid that did this. I don't see her" Chan demands in a panic. Felix nods with a serious expression, and with a snap of his fingers, he disappears leaving a trail of blue smoke in his wake. Chan didn't expect any of this when he returned home. He pleaded with God to make him wake up from this horrible dream. It felt like hours before Ae-ra returned and Chan was forcibly taken away to be cleaned and have Y/N treated. But he knew...though he wanted to deny it. His beloved was gone, She died believing he didn't love her.....

That he wished she was gone.......

He cried harshly as he sat outside of Y/N's room. The doctor was pale as he explained that Y/N was no longer alive. Chan felt like he couldn't breathe, How could this be? How could God be this cruel? I was so close, so close to having her protection guaranteed. I was so close to fixing everything and spending the rest of my life making up for my mistakes. How could she just be gone? Why didn't he just stay with her? He quickly rushed into the room, shouting for the staff to leave. His eyes were bloodshot and his face stained with tears as he rushed beside her body. If he didn't know any better, he'd believe she was just sleeping. His hand hesitantly reached out for hers, grasping it for dear life. His sobs leave him trembling as he feels his legs turn to jelly before he drops to his knees. His free hand caresses her head as he cries.

"I-I'm so sorry....." His voice is trembling as his grip grows tighter on her hand "Honey....I'm sorry. P-Please....w-wake up...Honey...I was wrong. I did wrong and I'm so sorry so please--just open your eyes. Y-you can scold me for being mean l-like w-when we were kids....I-I deserve it. I was so mean for so long so please just scold me or hit me or something, please. Please tell me I'm not too late. Honey, j-just s-say my name one more time? P-please? Y-you c-can't j-just leave me behind without doing that right? Please j-just open your eyes and say C-Channie....Y/N..."

Ae-ra felt empty as she tried to maintain her professionalism. She stood beside her mistress with a heavy heart. Mentally, she was in almost as much denial as the Duke. She held herself together with the thought that her mistress was just asleep, but she knew the truth. No matter how much healing magic or potions she used, Her Grace was not waking up from this slumber. She knew, there were going to be questions. Eyes were going to be on her, she was the closest person to the Dutchess. The only person with unlimited access, she was lucky to not have been hauled off the moment the doctor had declared her mistress passing. She struggled to hold back tears as the Duke cried over his lost love. Her heart ached for the couple, knowing how hard their circumstances and the Duke's negligence had been for her lady. Ae-ra feels she could make peace if the Duke suffers for the rest of his days. Though she knew it was wrong, She wished the Duke to endure the suffering her mistress had been through in the 10 years of their marriage, She hoped he would die feeling alone and unloved, just like her mistress. These things that could never be voiced out loud, Ae-ra held her breath and tears hoping time would pass quickly and she would be dismissed to her room shortly. Feeling her emotions boiling over, she sighs hopelessly.

Chan's head perks up at the sound of someone sighing. He notices Y/N's maid, Ae-ra, standing on the other side of the bed. He stares at the maid with sad guilt-ridden eyes. A mournful pout on his lips as he looks at Ae-ra feeling remorseful as he notices her struggling to hold herself together. "Ae-ra...." He sighs, and the maid stares at him with worried eyes. "Y-Your Grace, Do you need something?" She asks trying to mask her grief.

"Y/N loved you," Chan states his voice soft and comforting. "You shouldn't be here right now. You should rest." Ae-ra shakes her head rapidly. "I-I will be beside Her Grace until her body is with god as well....I-if that is permitted, Your Grace." She states hesitantly. "A-and I need to be near for the investigation" Chan furrows his eyebrows. "Investigation?"

Ae-ra nods nervously "Yes, Your Grace..."

"Into you?"

"Yes, Your Grace"

"Ae-ra, You were the Dutchess' closest aide. You cared for her passionately and worked hard under her. You are the last person I would investigate in this matter. Go rest, Y/N would want you to rest." He states sullenly. Ae-ra stares at the Duke with a glum expression. "Your Grace?" Chan looks at the maid with a grief-stricken pout. "Her Grace had requested me not to inform you but considering....The Young Lady of the Manor has requested for the knights to refrain from attending their posts here at the annex. Perhaps whoever had done this knew about the minimal security." Ae-ra suggested her voice just above a whisper, hoping the Duke understood her intention and turned his attention toward his sister. "Kari will be dealt with if that's what you're concerning yourself with," Chan states darkly as his eyes glaze over with murderous intent. Ae-ra nods, not saying anything else as she bows to her employer before exiting the room. As she closes the door behind her, tears build in her eyes as she loses feeling in her legs and collapses to the ground in a puddle of tears.

*First Timeline- One Week After Y/N's Death*

"If I could do it all over again…I'd have never married you. My biggest regret was walking down that aisle…"

Those words have replayed in Chan's mind for hours now. The way her voice gurgled as she choked on her blood. He felt sick as he remembered her voice in her final moments. Why did he have to be here? Who was brave enough to help Kari go through with this? His mind raced as his heart ached uncontrollably. "My biggest regret was walking down that aisle…" He hated to admit it, but under those circumstances, he regretted it too. He wasn't the husband he should have been. He was negligent, he should have done more. He should have realized the fear she had to have had with how ruthless his sister could be. He never expected this though.

The reality of her absence is already becoming too much to bear. He couldn't understand what happened. How could she have been poisoned? He had been right there, staring at her. He was looking at her, he should have noticed the way she coughed. How hard it was for her to speak after she had drank her tea. When the blood flowed out of her mouth, he couldn't move due to his shock. Not even 10 minutes with her and now there's no more time. She's gone.....How could she be gone?

He hears a small panicked yelp as the door slams open forcefully, Chan's eyes finally leaving his beloved's portrait. He sees Felix standing there, his face stoic as the maid that had given Y/N her tea kneeled with her back to his aide as Felix's hand grips her hair harshly. "This is the rodent that has caused the commotion today" Felix states coldly, Chan lifts him from the ground as he stares at the maid. Her face is so prominently familiar in his mind, that he can't help but let out a mad laugh at the nerve of his temperamental sister. He takes slow predatory steps toward the maid, who looks up at him with fearful eyes. Felix's blood boils at her impertinence "You dare raise your head with all you've done!?" A bright sapphire light emanates from the mage as he forces the maid to the ground with a snap of his fingers, metal cuffs encase the maid's hands and ankles; pinning her to the ground. The maid trembles fearfully "Y-Your G-Grace, H-Have mercy...." she pleads tearfully as Felix snaps his fingers again and a large sapphire chain erupts from the ground encasing the maid's neck.

"Mercy!?" Felix growls as the chains begin to slowly tighten around the woman's neck. Chan chuckles darkly as he leans forward gripping the maid by her bun in the back of her head pulling her closer as he stares into her eyes. His eyes glow a bright scarlet "Did you grant Y/N such a courtesy?"

The maid gasps not expecting the question. "I-I....uhm"

"Fine. Tell me who ordered you to give the tea to the Dutchess?" Chan questions "If it proves to be useful, I shall grant mercy" The maid's eyes widen, the cogs in her head turning. Chan knows no matter her tenure as Kari's aide for all these years, the life of this commoner mattered more to her than her loyalties to his sister. "T-The h-head maid...S-she said the Lady had requested tea...Y-your Grace, I-I didn't know. Please, Your Grace, forgive me for this oversight" The brunette stammered. Felix and Chan's eyes connect for a moment, their silent communication clear. Chan nods to the mage, who releases the maid's bonds. She breathes a sigh of relief, placing her forehead on the ground. A small chuckle is released from her throat as she looks up at Chan. "T-Thank you, Your Gr--" Her words are cut off as Chan plunges a dagger through her throat. The maid gags as she stares at Chan wide-eyed. Blood fills her mouth as she begins gagging and breathing in her blood. Her pleads are covered by gurgles.

"Now you know, such oversites cannot be forgiven.....Dog." Chan states coldly as he twists the dagger roughly and kicks her off the blade by her shoulder. Felix stares at the body with dark cold eyes. "Lady Kari seems to have been taking advantage of your absence, Your Grace. Shall I finish this?" Felix questions gesturing toward the maid who was gurgling and gasping for air on the ground. His eyes glowed a bright sapphire.

"Did the Dutchess have such mercy?" Chan questions darkly as he takes one of Y/N's handkerchiefs from his lapel wiping the blood from his hands as he kneels over the maid. "They deserve to know the suffering they put my wife through until her final moments" Chan states. Felix smirks darkly at his master before nodding and walking toward the door.

"Wait," Chan calls as he stares at the maid continue to gurgle and gag, her body trembling as she struggles to breathe due to the blood continuously going into her windpipe. Felix halts his movements turning toward Chan. "Yes, Your Grace?"

"When harm is done to one's pet, it is proper etiquette to return the corpse and inform the owner, yes?" Chan states with a mischievous smirk as he walks toward the window he notices his sister sitting in the garden, her maids beside her as they enjoy tea. "And Kari seems so possessive of those dogs of hers. It would only be right" He finishes as he clenches his fist. Felix nods in understanding before he pulls a seal out from his inline pocket and places it on the dying maid's body, lifting his index and middle finger in front of his lips he closes his eyes as the sapphire light glows brightly and the pair disappear.

Chan feels his blood boiling as he watches his sister laughing with her parasitic friends. How dare she?! He knew his sister's temper could be considered tyrannical. She rarely allowed even her closest maids to make a mistake, yet Chan thought as long as he could keep a distance from Y/N, she'd be safe from his sister's wrath at not becoming the heir. A smirk formed on his lips as Felix's blue sapphire light shined over the table and Kari's personal maid's corpse lay in the middle of it. The noble women begin panicking scurrying away from the blood-soaked table like roaches, their fearful screams echoing through the garden. But Chan kept his eyes firmly on Kari, who sat bewildered at the head of the table as Felix politely bowed to her and transported away after a brief exchange. He watched as Kari glared at the corpse in utter shock and disbelief. Knowing his actions ignited a fire in Kari, Chan felt thrilled.

"Well, sister, you wanted to be the Dutchess so bad.....I'll be sure you know exactly how My Dutchess felt."

Flashback: One month after Y/N's Death

“Let me go! Do you not know your place?!” Kari growled as Felix continued to stand stone-faced. He sighed before continuing to bring Kari to his Master's office. Kari fumes as she continues to struggle with her hands tied behind her back with Felix's magic. Felix opens the door, Chan's seated at the center of the room. Aera stood beside him, placing a cup of tea in front of him. "Unhand me!" Kari growls as Felix sits her in front of Chan's desk. "What is the meaning of this?" Kari snaps at her brother. Chan gestures for Felix to release Kari's hands.

"My apologies, my dear sister but You have been refusing to see me for a long time" Chan states with a faux sincerity. "I had to take such measures to see my precious sister, it's made me wonder" His eyes darken as he stares at the brunette. "Have you been avoiding me? One would think, you've done something wrong....." He raises his eyebrow in amusement.

Kari stares at him blankly "I've chosen to undertake a vow of silence.." She states as she crosses her arms over her chest. "Shall I send a letter to the convent then?" Chan retorts smugly. Aera places a cup of tea in front of Kari. "I must thank you for your concern but please graciously accept my apologies... I'm in mourning I've lost two dear maids of mine" Kari smirks as she watches Aera closely.

Chan notices the subtly purple aura growing around the maid, and he taps on his desk twice, a signal to Aera to stand down. Kari stares daggers at the maid. Mumbling something inaudible under her breath; Kari stares down at the cup, her nerves slightly making her hands tremble. Chan knew, his sister's fear of retaliation made her guilt evident. Kari sighs before taking a hesitant sip. It was her! She was the mastermind, there was no doubt in his mind that the sister he held so dear through the years, had murdered the woman that he loved. His blood ran cold at his sister's nonchalance, he knew she had a brother complex and she felt a form of jealousy when she noticed his closeness to his fiance. How he wished he had chosen Y/N, and realized Kari's tyranny sooner. How could he let 10 years go by without taking his beloved in his arms a single time and telling her how much he loved her? and now, because of the girl in front of him vying for his position as the head of the family, Y/N was gone.

Chan had Aera and Felix preserve her body for as long as they could, but their magic was fading, and Y/N had begun to decay in her bed. He was at his wit's end, though the foolish maid had been dealt with, no commoner would make such a brazen move in front of a Duke without the backing of a powerful noble. The head maid had escaped the Dutchy before Chan could reach her as well, His frustration grew as time passed and he was unable to punish those he deemed responsible for his wife's mistreatment and subsequent death. Though he knew who was the true one responsible...It was his fault. His lack of awareness of his sister's brazen and bold temperament, his choice to spend more time at war and on expeditions, pushing her away.

He was the one truly responsible for his beloved's death. Though Kari was the one who signed her death warrant, He's the reason Kari did not know her place. Why her ambitions went further than they should have. But the longer he stared at her smug smirk as she crossed her arms and glared at him; the more he could feel his hand slowly inching toward his sword sitting on his hip. "Why did you have this brutish mage bring me here? I am supposed to go to the imperial palace the second princess is hosting the book club." Kari whines a small pout on her innocent-looking face.

"Nightshade is quite the flower isn't it?" Chan questions softly.

Kari looks at him with confusion "You've brought me here to discuss flowers? Brother, shall I have someone retrieve the doctor?" Chan smirks mischievously as his eyes darken "Did you forget who was your instructor on poisons? You seem to be quite proud to boast about your garden with many flowers to your friends, belladonna being your favorite correct? Y/N was killed by such a plant..." he states monotonously he pulls his sword from its holster pointing it directly at Kari's neck with a small flick of his wrist a small cut forms in the center.

"B-brother, The dutchess crossed the line too many times to be forgiven. she was weak, she was not fit to be by your side, but I would n-never!" Kari stammered in utter shock. Chan scanned his sister up and down for a moment, he knew she was lying. He knows it is her, but he has no evidence at this moment. The Crown Princess may support him, but not for unjustifiable homicide. Resisting the urge to swiftly remove Kari's head from her shoulders, he brings his sword back into its holster. He stares at Kari menacingly "If I learn otherwise...You will become permanently acquainted with my sword."

With her eyes wide and pleading Kari stares up at him "You jest..." she states in disbelief as her heart sinks into her stomach. "I do not....Orchestrating the murder of the Dutchess is punishable by death by order of the Emperor, as his most loyal vassal and valent knight I must hold his word true." He challenges her as he takes her chin between his forefinger and thumb. "I look forward to the day you admonish yourself, sister" He states the relationship almost like a taunt as he stands above her, a smug smirk on his lips as he grows giddy at the thought of plunging his dagger right into her petite throat. He finds the strength in him to hold back, lest he massacre the whole Manor.

Kari looks furious at his words "Does the crown mean more to you than your blood, brother? The Dutchy stood long before this Emperor's reign and shall stand tall long after his line is gone, his word is no more than a mere fallacy."

"You will do your best to mind your tongue...That is the ruler of this Empire and I will not be considered treasonous due to your insolence! And just remember, sister, that it is that very blood that courses through your veins that protects you from my sword at this moment" He snaps at her. Kari stares at him her anger evident in her expression as she straightens her back. "And you will do your best to remember I am not one to be challenged" Her voice laced with a warning "The most beautiful things in this world are also the most lethal, for it is their beauty that lulls you into a sense of security, Brother" her eyebrow raised as Chan feels his gut bubble in amusement as he imagines himself running his dagger over his sister's cheek and removing that beauty she spoke of.

"What is a beauty without their embellishments?" He questions as he rests on his chin. "Many in this world learn too late, their place. I should surely hope with the way you've been raised, it will not be too late when you learn yours. For what are you without the Bang family name but a pretty face? I hope for your friend's sake you do not forget this fact." He states as he raises his eyebrow challenging her to speak against him. When she sits quietly he continues his anger growing as each word spews from his lips " You are well past the age for you to have been married. You do not spend your days like a proper noblewoman yet speak like your place is anywhere but at the convent...You wished to be the heir yet never married and birthed an heir to the family line. You spend your days drinking tea as you gossip with your friends, and you have the gall to discuss our Emperor? Sister, I've protected you and sacrificed everything I had for you but you refuse to become anything but a disappointment. I should surely hope a month in the rose annex shall help you understand your wrongdoings......"

"No!" Kari argues as knights make their way over to her. "You cannot do this to me! I've done nothing wrong." Her face was red with rage as she tried to avoid the knights' grasp but she could not fight against their strength and speed.

"You will regret this!" Kari exclaims as she is dragged out of the office with a flurry of curses. Chan lets out a heavy sigh as silence falls over the room. He reaches for a small cup on his desk, slightly tilting it to its side he pulls out Y/N's wedding ring. Staring at the object his heart breaks once again. How could he have lost her? How could he go on without her? He feels his breathing grow heavier. He needed to return to her. He hated every moment he had to step out of that room. He felt like he couldn't breathe if he wasn't by her side. He couldn't understand how terribly it ached every time he crossed that threshold.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, pulling him from sinking deeper and deeper into despair. His eyes trail up the petite hand and he sees Aera's comforting yet grieving smile beaming back at him and a small purple glow emanates from her hand. A warmth fills his body and he feels his heart relax. "Thank you, Aera. Truly you have been a wonderful help" He gives her a gentle nod, signaling that he's okay.

"It is my duty, My lord" Aera states formally as she bows.

"Your husband being a stickler about the rules again?" Chan jokes to her trying to lighten the mood and Aera nods in response. "Behave the way you did with the Dutchess, if she acknowledged your competence then your husband should too. You are doing his work for him...." Aera nods as she bows. "I shall bring you tea in the Dutchess' room, Your Grace."

Chan gives her a soft smile "That sounds wonderful"

*Flashback-Later that day*

Aera walked calmly toward the Dutchess room in the Main House. She felt her heartache as she knew Y/N never got to experience what her husband truly wished for her. Her heartbroken for the Duke, so much so that she used her magic to delay Her Grace's decomposition for at least a year after she had tried to heal her and it had come to light that The Dutchess' body could be preserved. The Duke had gone mad and spent his days laying and reading to her corpse. She felt sorry for the Dutchess, she may never be fully rested, and pity for the Duke who loved his wife so dearly that he could not part with her after he had finally secured his position as the Duke and could no longer be challenged as the head of the Dutchy.

Aera approached the large double doors and gestured for the Knight to knock when she heard familiar voices. "Your Grace, It will not fail. We can save her...I can save her" Her husband's voice rang out. Aera's heart sunk into her chest. That fool she thinks to herself as she gestures for the knight to open the door. "What do you think you are saying, Felix?" Aera questions worriedly as she places the tray with the teapot on the small table in front of the Duke. "You are not suggesting that spell to His Grace correct?" Aera raises her eyebrow at her husband, "I can do it! she will not be harmed..." Felix argues.

"And what of her memories? The spell is not perfect and if you are going to turn back time then you need to allow her to remember what has happened to her!" Aera counters and Chan holds his hand up "Silence...." The pair turn toward the Duke and bow apologetically. Chan sighs "Felix will do the spell."

"Turning time back does not mean she will be safe, Your Grace. This can save her for a short while. The gods will not take this chance to save one life without another when the time comes" Felix warns.

"Then it shall be my own life or my sister's life as long as my wife gets to live the gods can burn the Dutchy with an inferno so bright that they form hell on earth. But Y/N lives...." He states definitively. Aera's face scrunched in opposition. "The Dutchess deserves her memories, do not deceive her. My loyalty shall only go far, Your Grace." She states coldly. "My Love....please, the memory of her own death may be too much to bear" Felix pleads as he caresses her cheek. "I just wish to give you, your purpose back. Your life, Her life....allow me to do this and help her be happy"

Aera looks away from him for a moment before reluctantly nodding.

*Present-2nd Timeline*

"What does this mean?" Chan questions worriedly as he grasps Felix's shoulders. Felix puts his hands up, trying to calm Chan down but knowing that Y/N having her memories is the last thing the Duke wanted. "Y-Your Grace...." Felix stammers nervously trying to find the easiest way to give him this news. Realization dawns on him, he feels his blood run cold as he stumbles back into a chair. His forehead rests on his palm as he lays his hand on the potion bench. "She has her memories...." He scoffs out in disbelief, as her behavior slowly becomes more and more understandable.

How could she want to marry the man who ignored her in her previous life? The man she believed was responsible for her death...

His chest ached as he felt his stomach bubble with nausea. She despises him...He was such a fool. The gods had to punish him for what he had done to her. Though it was Aera's interference and morality, He knew this was the way the gods were telling him that he needed to let Y/N go. His family had tortured her enough in their previous life when he was fighting to keep Kari's influence at bay, he used her for his own desires when it was convenient for himself, and He allowed Kari to grab hold of the Dutchy while he was away which ultimately lead to her death but how could he just let her go?

How could he give in to her wishes and call off their engagement? The notion seemed so foreign to him, removing her from his heart. He'd yearned for her for over 10 years in their previous life and hoped for a lover relationship in this one. What should he do to keep her at his side after all he's done just to bring her back to life? Over two months of collecting ingredients and brewing potions to keep his memories and Aera does it to Y/N with a wave of her hand. What more could be done?

His eyes darken as he continues to fall deeper and deeper into turmoil. He feels his anger slowly turning into possessive madness as he continues to allow his mind to wander. His title as the future Duke could be used. He tried to rack his brain to think of something--anything to keep her by his side. Moving the wedding up and locking her away seemed to be growing more and more appealing. How radiant she would look whilst locked in the very room he'd spent with her before he turned back time. Perhaps, he should relinquish his title and take her to the countryside estate and live out their days in secrecy. He felt himself growing less and less concerned with how she'd feel. How much she'd oppose being kept in a cage like a bird under his watchful eye. But what else could he do? Even if she grew to hate him.

"I'd never let you go, Y/N"

Taglist: @yangbbokari @lovesunshinefelix @oddracha @lizzetmv @msauthor @azazelstays @rylea08 @skzfelixlove @blondechannie e @moonchildlv @kibs-and-bits @5starlee @jstbrowsing0 @solandiszale le @pnutbutter-n-j-elyy @lizzetmv @hwanriri

#skz angst #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #stray kids smut #stray kids reactions #stray kids imagines #bang chan angst #bang chan smut #bang chan fluff #skz chan angst #skz chan imagines #skz chan scenarios #chan angst #chan fluff

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onakomiyaki · 5 months

Text

just a silly crush (not) pt. 1.5

pairing : daniel ricciardo x childhood friend-brabham!reader ; lewis hamilton x reader (implied, platonic relationship)

summary : lewis make sure that you and daniel finally talk after the bahrain incident. or he will take matters in his own way.

warning: unedited and rushed work (I GOT INSPIRED AFTER TWO CANS OF REDBULL RAAAAAAHHHH), harsh words, childhood trauma (kinda), slowburn.

a/n : this is an extra chapter where lewis playing cupid for you and daniel. you can definitely skipped this chapter since this chapter is originally added to the first chapter.

masterlist

consider tonight's meeting (and reconciliation) a huge success, totally worth the money you spent on the party. one of perks of being the daughter of david brabham is that your can splurge on unimportant things; this party, for example, and your father won't even bat an eye.

and maybe the fact that you are one of high paid supermodel–plus an actress so you don't think about money that much.

other than this party, you really need to thank max for his genius plan. maybe a new watch or some new designer clothes for the dutch will do.

"(y/n)!"

you turned your body, eyes lit up at the view of the mighty lewis hamilton.

"what took you so long?" you asked, hugging the brit as he kiss your temple.

for some people lewis's gesture might be mistaken as love-like affection. but of course you know that it is not like that at all. lewis had always see you as his annoying little sister who he love dearly and you saw him as the big brother you never had. while you do have a younger brother, sam, things with you and lewis are just... different.

"if i say traffic, would you believe me?" he sheepishly said.

and to that you let out a dry–mocking–laugh. "really? traffic? here in monaco?" you said.

"alright alright. i might–i said might–met binotto." he stated, letting out a sigh.

"mattia binotto? that's-"

"ferrari's current principal, yes." he nod, hands snug inside his pockets.

"they want you huh? interesting." you said, fingers cradling your own jaw.

although you hate formula one, you being the daughter of david brabham of course would know a thing or two. including all the current principals of all 10 teams.

lewis let out a chuckle, shrugging his shoulder. "maybe."

you rolled your eyes at his attic, shaking your head at his secretiveness. he won't be able to keep any secret from you, you're too smart for that. and lewis is aware.

what is not so smart of you is your inability to figure out about daniel's hints and feeling for the past 10 plus years. maybe more, lewis believe.

he always notice how daniel's eyes always lights up when he saw your instagram posts, or your appearance at the latest fashion magazine. he even rambling non-stop at your first big screen debut in 2017, not only to his teammate max, but to almost all the driver on the grid. almost, because most of the drivers are just confused and was there to humor the aussie. sebastian vettel though–god bless that man–always there for him, sharing the same excitement even cheering him up.

he also remember how dejected he looks when your father visited one of the race in 2015, hoping that you would show up beside your father despite your hatred towards the sport. but instead, he saw sam, your younger brother, calmly walking beside your father.

so it is safe to say he knew it all too well. and he honestly feel sort of sympathy for both you and daniel.

"have you talk to him yet?" he asked, averting the conversation about his meeting with binotto.

"that, i have." you simply said, grabbing two glass of champagne passed by the waitress.

lewis gracefully accept the other glass and clinked his glass with yours. "and how it goes?"

you went silent, gnawing your bottom lip nervously. "it went... well." you said, voice unsure.

"oh?"

"he asked me to watch the race. in monza." you stated.

lewis nods, letting out an acknowledgement hum as he sip his champagne.

"you should come, (y/n). its been 10 years since his first race, and yet, you haven't attend any of them in person." he simply stated.

"well i did watch the race from my house in monaco." you muttered. lewis shaking his head to your reaction.

"its not fair for him, you know? you guys are best friend for almost 20 years now, you said it yourself."

yeah, bestfriend. he thought.

you went silence, eyes trailed down to the floor. the expensive marble beneath your louboutin heels seems more interesting than lewis now, and he notice.

"i just don't want you to live in regrets in the future, (y/n)" he said, patting your shoulder as he walk away from you–giving you some space to think about what he just said.

"i know lewis." you whisper to yourself.

daniel, who currently enjoying his alone time at the bar, was greeted with a familiar figure walking towards him. he fix his posture, sitting straighter as the figure sat beside him and he watch in silent. daniel is still wary of this man so he just wait for him to break the silence first.

"let me join you for awhile, mate." he said.

"lewis."

"honeybadger."

hearing his nickname make daniel chuckle. thanks to you who actually give him that nickname years ago, back when you and him still go karting together, it stuck with him. and honestly he don't mind. because it was given by you.

"no company?" lewis simply asked.

"well, i was dragged by the ferrari duo, little lando, and the lovebird but they are gone now." daniel explain, politely asking the bartender for another refill.

"the lovebird?"

"max and kelly."

"ah, yes... the new hot couple." lewis nods, flashing his charming smile at the younger driver.

"yeah, i don't want to be a thirdwheel or dancing with dj norris and his two minions so here i am." he said, returning the smile to his senior as he pointed at the dj podium where lando is already getting on. carlos and charles was dancing like a maniac with drinks on their hands.

lewis raised his eyebrows, genuinely shocked and impressed at the young brit secret talent as a dj. "never knew little lando is a party animal." he said.

"i might be the one who responsible for that–to be a party animal i mean." daniel chuckled, shaking his head.

"well, he learn from the best then." and with that both daniel and lewis share a laugh, clinking their glass together.

as daniel enjoy his 3rd? 4th? glass of whiskey that night, lewis give him a small pats on his back. and daniel, confused at the gesture, watch lewis with a small frown.

"you have the patience of a saint, daniel. i won't last that long if i were you," he said, finishing his drink. "i gave up after got rejected for a second date."

lewis's cryptic messages, plus the familiar tipsy feeling, make him confused even more.

"huh?"

"goodluck, mate. i am rooting for you." he said, flashing him a smile before walking away from him.

"what just happen..." daniel muttered as he finish his glass of whiskey and decided to join dj norris and the minions.

what a night...

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#daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo #dr3 x reader #dr3 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fic

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havin-fun-imagining-twd · 1 year

Text

Spell your last name, please.

What -- Daryl's back at the Green's farm after falling down the ridge twice, hallucinating you and Merle, then making it home only to get grazed on his head by a bullet. In this chapter, he wakes up after losing consciousness. S02E05 Chupacabra

Who -- slow burn Daryl x Reader

When -- ten minutes after Daryl gets grazed by that bullet courtesy of Andrea following Invisible, tugging strings, Part 2. <- Read this chapter first!

Perspective -- 3rd person Daryl

Reader's pronouns? -- neutral again, slowpokes, they/them

TWs -- a few cusses in Daryl's perspective

How long will it take me? -- 7-10 minutes

Specific chapters to refresh your memories with -- How's your head? Part 2, Invisible tugging strings, Parts 1 -> and 2 <-

The title of this chapter is weird -- I know, y'all XD. It's in reference to a common (medical) trauma question to check cognition

Where's your Masterlist? -- official one here, chronological one here.

----------------------------------

for better context, reread Invisible, tugging strings, Part 2 here. It's got the word-for-word part of S02E05 Chupacabra with Merle before Daryl makes his way home and sees an angel you.

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Hm? Where in the—where is he and what’s warm stuff he just swallowed? Who the hell's this holding hi—

A bunch of voices start saying stuff, and all he sees is brightness and the outline of faces.

But there’s one, familiar voice closest to his ear that soothes, “Shh, sweetheart, you’re safe. Close your eyes awhile, it’s bright in here.”

...oh shit, is this heaven? It's real? I made it?

“Oh man, sorry,” the voice chuckles. “You’re just so hurt, pet names are floppin’ out of my mouth. Which is what some of your tea just did, too. Here, I’m gonna give you the straw. You’re in the Greene’s house.”

He starts to open his eyes again as he sips down more of the warm, peachy drink through the straw. Once he’s aware of it hitting the back of his throat, he starts to slurp it down because hot damn, he’s thirsty.

Finally, he’s able lift his eyes to see the angel his friend beside him, holding a mug.

Y/N.

“It’s from the box of peach tea we found yesterday,” Y/N happily tells him.

They look miles better than they did a few hours ago. He’s relieved.

Awareness of what’s going on and what happened snaps into gear and he tries to look behind him at his side that’d been gashed open, but doing that makes his head spin.

Also he’s—got a tube in his arm?

Y/N notices his confusion. “You need fluids, dude. Maggie suggested I rub your throat to get you take the drink down while you were half-conscious. It was workin’, too, just like for a cat. You’re on your second IV bag already, the first one went in right quick.”

Not to mention, what’s left of the peach tea in the mug is empty within seconds.

“Don’t worry, there’s more of that. You weren’t out too too long,” they mumble, setting the mug down. “We already checked you over for bites, now we’re disinfectin’ your side wound. Mr. Greene and Patricia are gonna resume that, okay? Then Maggie and I are gonna clean up your head.”

The best he can do is grunt in acknowledgement. He’s tired as fuck. Mumbling and quiet conversation fills the room.

“Daryl, spell your last name, please."

Spell his—huh? “Why’d d’you need my last name?” he slurs.

“To see how loopy you are,” Y/N dryly puts it. “I’m going to ask you to tell me the number ‘thirteen’ in a few minutes, deal? Thirteen.” They then uncap a—ha, orange gatorade? That’s their favorite—and place the straw in it and direct him to, “Hold this, drink, spell your last name for me.”

“D-I, um, X-O-N.” Ouch, his voice sounds like he gargled with pebbles. Feels like it, too.

“Did you take any kind of drug this afternoon, mushrooms?”

He makes an nuh-uh type of groan in response, and mumbles, “Tossed Merle’s hard stuff this mornin’.”

He feels whoever’s cleaning his gash pause, then continue. There’s extra hushed whispering, too.

“Th-that’s, um, very good! Ohh my.” His friend clears their throat. “So I guess we’ll only clap you in irons over charges of grand theft horse,” they snort. “Now, did you get mugged, did you fall, what happened to you out there, man?”

Whoever’s cleaning out his bolt wound, they’re pouring liquid stuff and dabbing at it, and shit it is stinging like a mother-fucker, ow!

“Rough afternoon,” he groans. Then, Daryl remembers the most important thing and slurs out a rushed, “Th’doll!” while opening his eyes again and trying to sit up. Pain stops him from moving much.

“Yes!" Y/N giggles. "Straight up, everybody here could’ve kissed you when we saw you’d found it, Daryl. Can you tell us where you found it?”

This rush of heat from outta nowhere zaps his cheeks as he rests his eyes again and relaxes down onto the pillow. “Bottom of the ridge,” he tells them.

“Clever man, you said it would be the best vantage point. Now, about those injuries, what made your afternoon ‘rough’ specifically?”

“…Fell down it.”

A small noise left Y/N’s mouth.

It's the old man’s voice who asks, “Is that how you got the wound to your side, here?”

“Happened th’first time I went down. Bolt.”

“The 'first time.' Y-you fell down it more than once? That’s—” squeaks from Y/N's mouth, then some babbling. “Oh m—does he need a traction collar or, or—”

“You said ‘bolt.’ Would that be from your crossbow?” comes the old man's voice again.

“Mm.”

“It’s remarkable the injury didn’t perforate any organs, passed clean through,” he comments. “Do you have any numbness or a tingling sensation anywhere on your appendages?”

His negative groan was hopefully sufficient. He kinda wishes he had numbness, because all he feels now is sore. It’s like he got whumped by a Mack truck.

“Tap your fingers to your thumb,” the old man then orders.

He does.

“Did any of that hurt?”

Another negative groan. He tries to shake his head, too.

A woman’s voice he’s unfamiliar with hushes, “Y/N, he’s okay for now, just keep checkin’ his cognition and feeling his head. Ears and nose, too, for fluids. Maggie, sweetpea, you check his toes for movement and sensation.”

He liked the sound of the woman’s voice. It was down-home twangy and no-nonsense, in a good way.

Now his shoes are getting untied, which must be Maggie. That’s the short-haired chick, if he’s remembering it right?

His friend sighs. “That guardian angel of yours is having a very busy day, Dary-bear.” There are some rustling noises near his head. He opens his eyes to see them pull what looks like a very skinny flashlight from the first aid bag. “I’m going to use this penlight, now. Can, um,” they pause and look around the room.

Wait, how many people are in here?

“Teddy, please hold the drink for him?” they call behind them. “Let’s get that bottle drained.”

Sure enough, T-Dog walks over from wherever he was, crouches down, and holds the bottle by Daryl’s mouth so he can sip from the straw.

“Sorry you had to wake up to all this fussin’ and chaos, man. But, you heard ’em, drink this down.”

“Wiggle your toes, please?” the short-haired chick calls, similarly twangy like the blonde woman and Y/N.

He wiggles his toes.

“Now point, then straighten your feet and toes for her,” Y/N murmurs.

He does.

“Straighten, then relax your legs if you can.”

He can, and does.

“Any of that hurt or feel tingly?”

“No,” he grunts again.

“Next, look at my nose, please,” his friend says. They guide his left hand in theirs and position it so it makes a wall between his two eyes. “Keep your hand there and repeat the months of the year. I’m going to shine this near each eye a few times, just keep starin’ at my nose while I do.”

As he recites the months in between gulps of the gatorade, he notices by the time he says “October” that he’s been staring into their eyes and at their lips instead of their nose.

When they gently take his hand and lower it back down, he gets a rush that helps him feel more awake.

“Now let’s have the months backwards,” they instruct.

He does his best.

“Let me know if you feel anythin’ off,” the blonde older lady says to Y/N. “I’ll palpate when you’re done.”

“Yes, ma’am. Okay, please tell me what memory came into your head when you saw the orange sports drink,” Y/N asks him next, their hands lightly pressing around his head, almost in a massage type of way. He doesn’t know what it is or why they are doing it, or why he isn’t flinching at someone touching him, but here he is. It feels really nice—OW!—except that spot didn’t feel as nice, that hurt!

“I, um,” he croaks. For real, his voice croaked. Rough afternoon. “It’s your favorite.” He rests his eyes again and remembers how Y/N’s floppy sandals squeaked as they’d walked to the wash area together. He’d been holding their bucket. That memory helps him relax more…

“You rememb—um, y-yeah, it’s my—sorry, you remembered that?”

“Give the man credit, Y/N,” T-Dog says under his breath in a way that sounds like he’s joking.

“Theodore,” they whisper back. “He’ll think you’re serious.”

Daryl isn’t sure what that was about, his eyes are still closed and heavy.

Y/N clears their throat. “Anyway, here I thought you’d just mention that you’d given me a bottle, friend. Um, ten points if you can state the name of the generic gatorade?”

T-Dog has tapped him with the straw to get him to drink more, so he opens his eyes and manages a grunt in response while he sips, then closes them again.

“Eh, you’re right, that’d be a stretch even if you didn’t just go through the wringer. It was Sportsman’s Signature Electrolyte Rehydration Beverage,” Y/N fills him in. “Now, I’m gonna check both nostrils and both ears for stuff coming out them, just bear with me, I’m usin’ a gauze square for it, I’ll be poking it into those places. How about you remind me the name of your favorite uncle.”

“Uncle Jesse,” is his answer before Y/N even finishes saying ‘uncle.’ The tickling feeling of the gauze in his nose almost makes him sneeze, then the feel of it in his ears is just uncomfortable.

At least his eyelids and his body don’t feel as heavy as before.

He open his eyes again. Sees Y/N is scribbling something down in a notebook.

“And what number did I ask you to remember, sweetheart?” Y/N checks. “Ugh, there I go with the pet names again. Sorry, honey, ain’t nothing, please tell me what that number was?”

Number? Number, um, uh, honey…um…three…thirteen. “Thirteen.”

“High-five, perfect recall!”

He finds himself tapping his palm to theirs and almost smiling.

Whatever they’re talking about now, though, is going right over his head. He’s gonna rest his eyes again…

“GCS is a solid 14, I think? He’s oriented, it’s just takin’ him slightly longer to get his words. Long term recall was good, short term he passed, too. Seems like he’s wakin’ up. What’s your take, Miss Patricia? Do y’all even use GCS in real life?”

“Ain’t heard ‘GCS’ since workin’ third shift ER for my first job. Oh, that was years ago,” came the twangy woman’s voice. “But it’s used a whole lot. 14 means he’s doin’ pretty good now. We’ll check it again later, I’ll teach you all about RLA scoring.”

“What’s RLA stand for?”

“Rancho Los Amigos, right?” is what Daryl thinks he hears T-Dog answer, but it makes zero sense so he must’ve heard wrong. “A few buddies of mine got concussions back in the day,” T-Dog explains, but it still doesn’t make sense. He opens his eyes as if that’ll clear things up.

Lucky for him, his friend repeats “Rancho-Los-Amigos?” which really is the damn name, the woman assures them both.

Daryl tries to look back again to see his gash. He doesn’t feel as dizzy as bef—where’s his shirt?

His pulse starts to pound in his ears.

He’s got no shirt on. In front of all these people?

Cold chills and a hot waves pelt through him at the same time. If, if his shirt if off and all these people are in here, that means they saw it. His back.

“Please stop trying to twist around,” comes the voice of the old man from behind him. “The wound is clotted and I want it to remain that way before I stitch you up.”

Y/N chirps in like an oblivious damn canary before he has a chance to react or think. “Oh, Daryl, would you mind if I watched? I wanna see it done as much as I can so I can learn.”

Turns out, this was a good thing. Him not being able to react to realizing he’s got no shirt on gave him time to see that a clean towel was bunched around his stomach, as well as positioned over his back shoulder; most of him is covered.

He’s shirtless, yeah, but covered.

And he now sees that his position on the bed means that, although the door is behind him, he’s blocked by the angle and by the blonde woman with the twangy voice and the old man.

“You just paled like you seen a ghost. Brother, you feeling okay?” T-Dog whispers.

Daryl meets his eyes for a second. How is he supposed to admit to not wanting anyone to see him without his shirt without sounding like some priss?

It’s just that—he’s shit at lying and the scars he’s got are kinda obvious. He’d tried to lie to a doctor once about it, the guy saw right through it. Daryl had been over 18 by then, so none of that CPS stuff happened, but still. The look on the doctor’s face made him feel like some pitiful kid and it made him feel small and weak and like he’d done something wrong.

“Y/N, can you check his blood pressure?”

It’s pointless for Daryl to try to say it was nothing, because Y/N was beside him again and pumping up that cuff thing within half a damned minute. He ends up officially meeting the owner of the twangy, no-nonsense voice, too. Patricia.

“He’s 108 over 64, Miss Patricia. That’s good, though, not too low. Oh.” Y/N’s face drops and they pause removing the cuff. “But he is a smoker, d-do you think that means it’s-it’s too low? I-I don’t know his baseline! Honey, what’s your baseline?”

“Daryl, spell that last name again for me?” the woman asks, and way calmer than Y/N.

He spells it again. “D-I-X-O-N.”

“14 times 2 is?”

“Uh, it’s, uh 28.”

“Five squared is?”

Squared is multiplying a number by itself, so…“25.”

“Your older brother’s name was?”

‘Was?’ What does she mean ‘was?’

He perks all the way up, and with a vengeance. “His name still is Merle,” he pretty much snarls back. Merle ain’t dead.

The woman makes a one-sided smile at Y/N and T-Dog with a brow raised. “He’s definitely awake now, doin’ just fine. Hersh, I’m gonna check his skull for any issues, then let’s double check if he’s got spinal damage. Did you check his nose and ears for CSF, Y/N?”

“He’s clean.”

“Anythin’ feel off on his head?”

“Some goose eggs, especially by this area here.” Daryl feels the warmth from Y/N’s hand as it hovers over the area he’d winced at. Their fingers trail along his hair for a sec, if he didn't just imagine that... “But no wiggly bits or step-off. His pupils were good.”

“After I get a good feel for his skull and neck, Maggie and Y/N, please give his hair a quick wash before cleaning and bandaging his graze. Then which of us is gonna stitch him up, you or me, Hersh?”

“I think Mr. Dixon here would prefer fewer people in here. I’ll do it.”

Those words are music to Daryl’s ears. So many damn people fussing over nothing. Patricia is done checking his skull or whatever, now she's poking around his neck.

“How many people are in here, anyway?” he asks whoever will answer.

“Mr. Greene, Patricia, Maggie, T-Dog, Rick, and me. Carol, Lori, Shane, Andrea, Dale and Glenn and Jimmy are out in the hallway,” Y/N tells him. "Carl's still in bed, of course, so Beth's with him."

…The whole group? Even the teenage kid?

What’s he supposed to, um…why the hell are they all crowding around and waiting? For him?

The old man saves his ass again. “Let’s leave dressing his head wound until after he’s stitched up. Everyone out, please.”

The name Sophia pops into the forefront of this thoughts. If they all acted fast, maybe she could be back by tomorrow morning! “I gotta talk to Rick.”

The old man's fuse is low, that’s obvious. “You’re the patient,” he responds.

“Then Y/N, you can stay, too,” is not what Daryl expects would next leap out of his mouth like a frog over hot tar, but there it goes. They wanted to learn, the old man better let them.

Weird part is, he understands that in offering that they stay, Y/N is definitely, 100% going to see the scars if they’ll be watching him get stitched…he doesn’t know, it’s just weird; he doesn’t have any kind of dread or nothing in the pit of his stomach about it. It's better when they're around.

He looks at them for a second, a bloody rag in their hand that they're back to pressing to his head. There's one, little tug to his chest in their direction, then it's gone.

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> Masterlist link here

and our teeny tiny taglist :D

@spenciepoo338 @its-freaking-bats @whistlesalot @buffy-the-assbutt-slayerer @dreamingaboutthewonderland @kwazii-kat @darylsmavis @outlanderhornet22 @battinsonrobs

(inbox is open if you would like on or off the taglist, slowpokes. Please don’t feel bad or nervous if you don’t want to be tagged anymore, just let me know, we’re all friends here!)

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remnant-verse-if · 6 months

Note

Ahhhh.... so I read the update for before the incident....

Not that I wanted to... but I kinda had to choice because you forced me to by updating the damn thing 😑

I have aloot to say so welcome to a rant! 😏

1. I loved the update. Reluctantly so.

No seriously I really realllly reallllly enjoyed it!

2. And it was so long!

3. I loved the fact that you actually referenced A if you confessed and having guilt when it comes to picking any romance options.

4. Lots of action and The flashback with MC and A in high school was actually so great and I love the lore.

5. Love how MC and literally just be a vengeful little goblin.. it's alil scary but I like it.

6. I adore your humor in certain passages and the fact that MC doesn't just go along with everything but questions things.

7. I actually like Syo and tenth so much the dynamic between them is very sibling like.

8. Being told I'm not a rebound was tough. 🤦🏻‍♀️

9. I kinda am hugely crushing on H tho knowing you they are gonna be a villain and I'm gonna hate it 😑🙄

10. That dream about A was too sad..why the hell would you do that 😭

All in all this game is becoming a bit of me. I really do love your writing and I enjoy it more with each update. It almost makes up for the trauma you put me through losing A and then making me sad with each flashback with them.

I do have one question tho:

Is it at all a possibility to have a bit of unintentional romance? Like an obliviousish MC. Gentle touches, weird connection, very much in denial we are just friends/i dont care/antagonistic type MC. Not even noticing they are even falling inlove or care about anyone especially the MC that confessed to A. Because they aren't ready to move on, they don't intend to fall for anyone. It just happens.

I get that the shyish MC options when you aren't boldly flirting especially again if you confessed to A or they confessed to you are there. But to me that's more of an MC that just wants to move on, rebound as you said it that just wants to kind of forget. And throw themselves into someone else to help them heal leading them to actually caring for real. Some of those options like asking H out just screams let me see if I can pretend none of this happened and feeling guilty about it. Because asking out someone to dinner like right after they died seems kinda.. like it's a bit quick. Same with the Shy 💜 options with syo. Which is why it actually perfectly screams rebound vibes and where ROs would be rightly cautious to get involved with a still grieving MC that romanced A.

This is all just my opinion tho so if not I completely get it. I just had that thought. But thank you for the really great update and sorry this is so long. Like I said when I like something I tend to over analyze it 😅🤣♥️

Ooo, I'm really happy that you're invested in this IF! It shows me that it's worth working on 😁😁

It's good that you like the new characters! I'm also happy that you appreciate the extra effort I went through to add extra lines if you romanced A and then tried to flirt with someone else. It just felt right to include because it would be super jarring if the MC just moved on without acknowledging their past relationship. It was kinda satisfying writing a character calling out the MC about the rebound thing haha 😁

I'm surprised about your point 4. I thought it was minimal action since I only included one fight in the update which is much less compared to my other IF. Although, I definitely approached fights a lot more intelligently when I was writing this IF.

For your point 5, all I can say is that the journey will be as arduous as the other MC in Remnant 21 : V

For your point 6, I'm surprised you caught that. It was an additional scene I added since I wanted the MC to go to the fog, but ended up in the haunted house. At first, I planned to make the MC just go with it, but then I thought it would be nice to add a little friction with MC and Syo. Good eye!

Me reading point 9: 🌝

For your point 10, the angst has to be there 😔😔😔

As for your long question, that would be interesting to explore (Where an MC slowly realizes they are falling for someone). I would say there's a possible chance for a character to do this. Probably not all the ROs would have this option, but maybe one or two. Like a choice with [❤ ?] next to the option. That would be interesting.

As for your mention of H's date offer, I realized I should have probably changed it to lunch rather than dinner. I forgot the implications of dinner vs. lunch in that context :V I definitely will change that to lunch!

Thank you again for reading my story! Do not worry about sending long asks, it shows me that you're invested in my story which I really appreciate ❤ Not only that, it's nice that you caught all the small little details I added to the story. I hope you enjoy the next update in the future!

#ask #beforetheincident #bti

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bluegoblinfox · 10 months

Text

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself"

This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin 1971

I am gen x, raised by boomer parents who hit their thirties in the 1980s. In Thatcher's Britain, when women were told they could have it all and the social mobility of the yuppies and suburban snobs were considered the ideal. It was about wanting more than your parents had, giving your kids better than you had and glass ceilings be damned.

The capitalist dream was being wanked over by people up and down the country. Apart from the miners, steel workers and little kids missing their school milk. They were not so pleased about Thatcher's conservative ideals.

I however was far away from steel mills and coal mines. I was in a London overspill town. Where my parents who came from poverty and working class roots were now living in a detached three, soon to be four bed house in a middle class area, taking holidays abroad and making fists full of money with every house move they made.

Around the dining table homophobic, misogynistic, racist talk was casually bounded about when talking about family, politics, sex and religion. My Dad's views were that Thatcher was right to break the backs of unions and to close the mines. A view I'm definitely opposed to now that I live in what was once a pit village.

Back then though I soaked up the "wisdom" that my parents dispensed like a sponge. I internalised the bigotry well and truly.

I was a latch key kid from year 5 occasionally and everyday from year 7. I spent hours alone daily and as the youngest by 7 years much of my weekends were spent either in the company of my parents at their caravan, visiting friends or on my own. This progressed to me being home alone every other weekend, for four or five days at a time by year 10 and then two weeks in the summer also by year 11 and post 16.

I lived a middle classed life of privilege and had everything I physically needed and many luxuries provided. However I was alone often.

My parents were loving but not validating. I was bullied and when I talked to my parents they pointed out I dressed weird and if I dressed like that people were bound to take the piss.

Compared to many others of my generation I had it easy. I was not hit often and was beaten once. The lack of parental interest in my emotional well-being and not being present took its toll on me. This isn't a woe is me. Its just facts. That's how it was.

My parents were not evil, bad or horrible people. They were raised by people who were raised think children were to be seen and not heard, spare the rod and spoil the child etc. My grandparents were taught to put baby outside and too many cuddles would spoil the child and make a rod for your back.

My parents had and have their own trauma to deal with and boomers as a generation are not good at dealing with feelings. Their own especially.

I don't need to vilify my parents to acknowledge that my needs not being acknowledged or met had and continues to have an impact on me. Acknowledging the impact my parents childhood trauma had and has on them doesn't diminish my own suffering.

I forgive my parents because it helps me and benefits me to do so. I can enjoy my relationship with my parents now better that way.

My parents are flawed. As am I. I'm not a perfect parent either. Larkin's poem is fatalistic but it's not a given that man hands all of his misery to man.

Each generation should break some of the cycles of trauma of the past and not add more cycles of violence into the mix.

My parents broke many of the cycles of generational trauma and violence that exist in my family. They enabled me to continue that trend. My children, if they have kids, will do the same.

We can pass on generational hope by talking to the next generation and owning up to our flaws. Encouraging the next generations to do better. Give them the power to pass on hope not just trauma.

Ling and River Ty

#philip larkin #mental health #gen x #gen xers #1980s #living with cptsd #did system #plurality #actually autistic #plural system #generational trauma #cycles of violence #cycles of abuse #break the cycle #forgiveness #self love

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survivor-trinidad-and-tobago · 1 year

Text

Episode 7: "I don't know what's about to happen but I'm not looking forward to it."—Alex

In this round: Kolby singlehandedly sends Steven home by being the only person to protect himself in Safety in Numbers; Steven emulates his role in Refriended in a completely unhinged confessional (has anyone checked if Kolby is still alive?); and we finally merge

Soca Confessionals

Astyn

youtube

Champ

damn okay like I actually like so many people on this cast! Zee is my girl, LOVE kaleigh, LOVE eman, but dang I’m in like three different alliance chats rn and tbh I think I have a VERY good read on this game. Threats- Raffy, Alex, Colin, and Zee. But tbh I really wanna work and keep Zee in for a while because she is my shield and as long as she is in the game, people would target her instead of me. I feel like Alex Kaleigh and I have such similar games, but Alex is more tied with Raffy which makes me very nervous. TBH idk if Raffy is coming for me or not LOL. Like I just know he’s such an amazing game player that he would be dumb to not come after me, or maybe I’m hella delusional. Colin Raffy and Alex gotta go but I have better relationships with them than I do with Michael and Astyn. Like who is Astyn even aligned with? Raffy and Jack?? Michael I’ve like never spoken to lol. But I’m down to keep my girls plus kolby Jack and Tony as safe as possible. There’s so many blurred lines that I don’t want to step on other peoples toes.

Eman

I SAID I WAS GOING TO MAKE MERGE . . .

Goat or GOAT.

I'm a *little* bit nervous that Kolby was the only one to make a move, and (hello Andrew Shepherd) my nervous exists on a few different levels.

1) Kolby is a close ally, will he also turn on me 2) Kolby is a close ally, if he (as he claims, and I believe) really just changed in panic at the last minute has he made himself a target and will I have to expend some capital to protect him.

Cuz, really, related to number 2 - and as I've told him R-E-S-P-E-C-T . . . he's won the game if he doesn't get voted out, and the selfless part of me (yes, there's a selfless part of me) would like to see him make it all the way for that truly EPIC (even if inadvertent) move.

Now I've gotta get into my own strategery.

I've got 1) An extra vote 2) Some percentage (I think ~10 or 15) if it carries

Others 1) Jack has no vote 2) Raffy has no vote 3) Alex has an extra vote 4) Champ has an extra vote 5) Zee has an extra vote

So next vote

Raffy & Jack will have no vote Champ MUST use her extra vote

Alex and I have until final six to use our votes I don't know Zee's vote expiration . . .

So we are

Twelve strong with two that can't vote and one that has an extra vote (and I'm allied with the extra vote). Which means that with with at least 3 others (counting Champ's vote twice) we can take out who we want.

Champ's suggested re-upping the SLAY alliance which means we'd need only one more to do what we want (with Champ's extra vote).

And then, depending on whether who we decide to target has an idol, the question becomes who's the alternative - can we simultaneously control TWO votes??

And if we can, can we do it without tipping our hand.

This is gonna get REALLY interesting really quickly.

All the omphaloskepsis because we're in a lull.

1) I'm beginning to think that Stings is either really bad or really good for those that have unresolved childhood trauma related to abandonment, rejection, and being rejected from cliques . . .

2) Everyone telling me that their good with me, etc. And me, a Scorpio:

Or in the words of the late, great (that was ironic) Ronald Reagan. Trust, but verify.

I'm good with Champ. I'm good with Tony. I'm good with Kolby.

I'm good with Zee - which is to say I'm keeping her close but not too close and I'm pretty sure she knows it, and is working me as much as I'm working her.

I'm working on building things with Jack and Astyn. I'd actually kinda like to keep working with both of them, but at the same time, I do have to acknowledge that they are less important to my primary allies.

I liked Kaleigh before though we were never *that* close so it would be fun to build something with her.

And then there's Alex. He and I were SO tight before, and now I get the sense we're sort of circling each other like two feral cats. I've tried to own it - coming right out and saying how awkward it is. The irony is that neither of us have addressed the elephant in the room, the fact that our shared and then individual extra vote is now shared again. I wonder which one of us will crack first.

Jack

LITERALLY the last challenge could not have worked out better! I was telling my Allies champ and Kolby that the only ppl I don’t wanna see in the merge was Alex and Steven cause those r two ppl I’ve never been on a tribe with and I was nervous about their bond. Seeing Steven get eliminated was perfect and I’m happy going into the merge with my position and that I don’t have any blood on my hands with the Steven elim. Kolby definitely has the eyes on him and idk how ppl will see him now. Going into the merge I definitely wanna work with champ, Kolby, astyn, Michael, Colin, zee, eman & Kaleigh with everyone else being my targets lol. Love this game and excited to keep going!

youtube

Raffy

I’m sad that Steven is gone. I don’t have a vote still. I’m crying

Kolby

youtube

Calypso Confessionals

Kaleigh

ok it seems like the merge is gonna happen s0000n. i got sit out of the next challenge by the magic wheel and everyone else is randomly paired w someone from the other tribe and they have to do a thing. which i’m kinda bummed about bc it is going to give ppl sm info and is an opportunity for every single pair to build trust and i just donnnn’t get that opportunity!

also i went on the summit excursion today with champ THANK GOD! champ and i talked and she immediately brought up how zee is a good shield and we will have to vote her out eventually. i was like ok! sure! LOL U SAID IT GIRL, NOT ME! but ya we agreed that for now we are good w zee. i told her about raffy telling steven that A) aj + zee are siblings (she knew) and B) that she is really good at playing a dumb game. she was like ya i was kinda playing a dumb game last season LOL. she said she was super down to get raffy out, and she said she was *hypothetically* willing to play it safe so i could risk and steal a vote, and i was like nahhh you’re on a tribe w raffy u shld *hypothetically* take the extra vote and use it to vote him off. *literally* i did not even think about losing my vote, like i am such a bimbo living in the moment and not worrying about shit LMAOOO so then champ and i sign off and i have to decide to risk it and the text is like “if u risk it and they play it safe, they steal ur vote,” and i was like oh shit i forgot she doesn’t just magically get an advantage, she’s literally stealing my vote! lmfao GOD i love my perfect and fully functional normal brain. so ya i went back and said in the tribe chat that we both played it safe and gained nothing, but told zee i gave champ the vote to get raffy out if they lost, and then told steven and alex that i j didn’t know what champ was gonna do so i played it safe and she stole my vote. so they know i don’t have a vote. i’m suuuuuure everybody thinks i’m up to some weird shit but what can i do about that?! nothing! not a damn thing! so ya champ was very sweet in our summit chat, she was very complimentary and said she just loved me and was so happy to see me in the challenge yesterday. i was like damn girl ur doing a LOT RN BUT WHAT CAN I SAY I BASK IN THAT SHIT! i feel kind of stupid for giving her my vote when i could’ve just as easily taken hers but yunno in the moment i wanted to demonstrate trust and i do feel secure on my current tribe but also i’m certain this tribe is about to become one big happy family with the other one so …. ya. i do trust champ to not let me go home if she has any ability to do that. if she IS playing me she played me like a fiddle :) but uh yeah, kinda freaked out that my first tribal council will probably be post merge and i won’t have a goddamn vote. fuck!

Zee

Kaleigh and I called before the challenge dropped last night, since she had an excursion with champ that we wanted to talk about, and bc she got magic wheeled onto the sit out bench. Oh boy is this challenge a doozy but holy fuck I’m incredibly lucky I got paired against champ. I immediately suggested that we both go for taking no action, since that would grantee that we're both safe. She thought it was a good idea, so as of last night we both kind of had a solid plan. And it stands pretty well for me too, if Champ betrays me, and I go to tribal, then I, and Kaleigh, and everyone going into merge knows that she's untrustworthy(also I'm-allegedly- one of her closest allies in this game so far, so it only makes sense to keep me around). If she doesn't betray the trust, then we both know we can trust each other. The only downside is if we all go to tribal, but I'm not too worried. If I think that I'm going to go home in the event of a tribal, I'll honestly probably just use my idol. Again, I don't know if Raffy has poisoned anyone against me, he seems to lead with a very mafia mentality, and from what I've heard, it already seems like he's trying to tank my game, which, let's be honest, really sucks bc he doesn't even know me. Like chill bro please, I just wanna talk about yellowjackets with you. :((

Anyway, Colin let me know that he and Astyn also plan to both take no action, which is slightly concerning since I fear that Eman and Tony will also try to take no action. Steven has also noted that he and Kolby are planning on taking no action, so that's fantastic. As I'm writing this, I haven't heard back from Alex, but I did ask him what he was planning on doing. Idk if he and Raffy met/are close, but I'm hoping there's some discord and chaos there and one or both of them go to tribal(it sounds mean, but it's better them than me.). There's the possibility that someone could betray what they're saying to someone else, Champ could be one of them, but part of me wonders if Raffy has something up his sleeve and is convincing those on his tribe to bamboozle the people here. The variable of Jack and Michael(who I genuinely forgot was in this game) is also there, idk what either of them will do, but there's a very real possibility that we all go to tribal. Unless someone betrays someone else and I REALLLYYY hope someone does. I genuinely want to work with Champ, so I'm not going to betray her, so we'll see how this goes.

I'm also not TOO worried, because I have literally so much chaos about to burst whenever a tribal happens. I have an extra vote I took from Colin, that I think I'll be forced to use unless I don't go to tribal. I have that read receipts on disadvantage that could be pretty chaotic, and I also have an idol that I WILL use if I'm too scared about going home, or if I feel that there's not a secure enough plan, and that people are gunning for me. But anyway, we'll see what happens.

Alex

I don't know what's about to happen but I'm not looking forward to it.

Okay. So, after the initial panic of being the only pair who's not on the same tribe I feel... okay! Like, Raffy and I got along pretty well on Soca 2.0 even if we never talked game and even before we did our little SiN chat I had a feeling we'd both be of the same mind about it. We're both here to play and play with people who are going to make the game fun and exciting and we both see each other as one of those people. So, we're both theoretically planning on taking no action so we can get to the merge and see what happens next. I feel like I can trust him. I hope he trusts me. I don't see the need to upset the status quo for ourselves. Fingers crossed I avoid tribal until merge. I genuinely think I will, but if not, at least I have an extra vote. It's funny that I was so wary of Raffy going into swap but I feel like I could trust/work with him better than I can with Tony - who I was in my first alliance with! - since Tony's not been giving me ANY info game-wise on Calypso 3.0. Like, dude, what is your plan here going forward?

i feel like i should be talking strategy in case we all go to tribal but this week got off to a rough start and i don't really have the energy to. besides, no one's started that conversation except for zee. i at least messaged raffy to try and find out where his head is at/try and float some names on who i want to protect the most. at this point, sorry original 5, but i feel closer to Soca 2.0 and depending on how Raffy and Champ are doing, maybe we can pull her. obviously i'd rather Astyn or Jack go just because I don't know either of them, but as a show of good faith to Raffy i'd maybe throw out Tony as an option. sorry, but if you're not going to try and work with me i don't know that i can work with you. i don't love that for maintaining my relationships with Eman and Kolby but i'll figure it out if need be.

Tony

Oh shit the final merge! Glad I made it but I’m feeling nervous now. I’m really wanting to work with Michael, Eman, and Champ, but with Kolby going out of town I’m not sure how much I can protect him if folks are gunning for him. My true alliance has always been with Eman and outside the folks I’ve already listed, I don’t really want to work with anyone else. Im seeing Raffy, Colin, and Zee as the biggest threats to me currently because we don’t have much allegiance to each other.

Michael

We merged? I honestly don't feel too at risk. I think I'm going to be playing the game with Alex, possibly tony, possibly Kaleigh. I want to corral some people into an alliance, but don't want to seem too eager. I know after this first immunity challenge things will pop into place. I wish it was an individual immunity challenge though, because now we're just 2 tribes again? It doesn't help me figure out who wants who out.

Steven

youtube

Alex

damn....

that sucks.

Colin

what happened to Steven should be a CRIME.

I feel so bad for him, I know i'd be so pissed if it had happened to me

It really tainted the excitement I have for merge. I'm happy to have finally made it here after a ROUGH tribe phase, but now here we are.

I have no idea how to feel about this tribe. like, no one has really had to strategize yet. I've had some game talks to a few people throughout the game, but nothing serious. every elimination has either been a med evac or just a matter of voting out the inactive.

this first merge vote is really gonna set the tone and show who I can trust and who I wanna move forward with. here's to hoping it's not a complete shit show!!

Kaleigh

um. everyone played it safe except kolby, who was paired with steven, so steven was the only person who went to tribal and went home. this absolutely fuuuucks my game. also i found out that zee has an extra vote, which steven was certain of but i was like shrug idk. LOL i wish i could tell steven he was right ;__; alas. um so ya zee hasnt been honest w me which obviously breaks trust - happy to keep working with her for now. champ and i talked last night and she told me zee did tell her that she lied about the excursion. so i’m like ok zee trusts champ more than she trusts me, good to knooooow. champ does seem genuinely interested in allying with me which feels good cuz she said she feels very solid w kolby and eman and that’s numbers baby. she did say she wanted to talk to the hosts to try and give me my vote back which ???? what are u talking about LOL ur not gonna do that. i was like, they’re def not gonna go for that. j vote w me and we’re good. and she was totally onboard ALLEGEDLY. i talked to alex (who told me about zees extra vote, he learned from colin) and feel okay w him. i chatted w raffy, used a little flattery ~ to be like “omg when no one got dracula i was dying inside, your clue was so obvious” j to have a little bit of a connection. its just so not my style to go after anything/one that doesn’t want me LOL it truly feels so cringe!!! at this point i don’t feel like i’m in a powerful alliance like i did with alex and steven and it’s kind of bumming me out - EVEN IF THAT POWER WAS DELUSIONAL! I’M ALSO on my period so i am just generally feeling fucking bummed!! glad today is an alleged “day off.” though the number of Skype messages i have suggests otherwise.

#episodes #Youtube

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productsreviewings · 2 years

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tailsrevane · 2 years

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[tv review] tng "chain of command" (1992)

6x10 “chain of command, part 1”

the way they handled the transfer of command to jellico is easily one of the best jobs they’ve ever done of implementing a temporary status quo change. like, it’s not “best of both worlds, part 1” levels of believability that picard’s status on the show might be in jeopardy, if only because at this point we’re nearly halfway through the show’s penultimate season. but we get a lot of time with the enterprise’s temporary captain and see quite a bit of the crew having a bit of trouble adjusting to his presence. he also makes significant changes to the way the ship runs, and even demands “and get that fish out of the ready room” about captain picard’s iconic lionfish.

although part 2 is where a lot more of this happens, this is also kind of a turning point for the cardassians as major antagonists on the show. they were already positioned as such in their few previous appearances, but this really is the moment where they gain a ton of credibility as a big bad which will carry over to ds9, which probably not coincidentally began airing after this two-parter. s-rank

6x11 “chain of command, part 2”

i don’t want to be nitpicky, but it’s kind of weird that picard’s borg trauma is (rightly) something we keep going back to over & over, but his cardassian trauma basically never comes up again once the credits roll on this one?

the reason i don’t want to be nitpicky is that this episode is fantastic. the entire episode is designed to put patrick stewart’s performance front & center, and yeah obviously that works out fantastically in the show’s favor? and david warner is just a fantastic opponent for him here. their contest of wills just absolutely sizzles.

AND YEAH OKAY i guess i should acknowledge really quick that even though i don’t find either of these characters attractive, i did find a lot of the stuff that happened in this episode uncomfortably hot. i’m sorry i’m like this. (no i’m not.)

back on the enterprise side of things, things really break down between riker & jellico to the point that jellico relieves riker of duty and installs data as first officer. data is even jarringly required to don a red command division uniform, something he didn’t do as acting captain during the blockade of the klingon/romulan border in “redemption, part 2.”

this serves to make it extra satisfying when jellico is forced to go to riker hat in hand to ask him to go on a critical mission that basically everyone falls over themselves to say he’s uniquely qualified for.

it’s funny that this would’ve been a drastically better wrap-around season finale/premiere two-parter than “time’s arrow,” but they wanted a big cardassian episode to give them extra credibility leading into the premiere of deep space nine, which totally makes sense.

i wouldn’t want every episode to be like this, and there are some tiny nitpicks i could make if i were interested in going in that direction, but there’s a reason this is considered one of the best episodes of the series. i do think i would be more inclined to agree if this had more lasting consequences for picard’s character, but again that’s not really the episode’s fault.

i think this episode falls just outside my personal top 10 tng episodes (whereas part 1 is actually comfortably within my top 10), but i get why it’s a lot higher on a lot of other people’s lists. s-rank

#star trek #star trek: the next generation #star trek tng #tng #reviews #tv review #tv

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aromanticaries · 3 years

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Okay. I'm writing some critique reviews with a huge DAMPENED SIGH about Yellowjackets Season 1, Episode 8.

1. VAN. VAN. VAN. I love all characters in YJ BUT VAN's got to go before it becomes predictable and maybe parody (kinda already have been). Have you seen her mauled face?! At the same time, she was in excruciating pain. Hard to watch and even more impossible to live, like eating and more medical attention and supplies are needed. However, Van to me NOW, is IMMORTAL. I predicted she will live maybe till the finale of season 1? Again, she's AN IMMORTAL BEING. Never know. Nonetheless, her acting was top-notch and it wouldn't be funny without her.

2. Akilah! Wow that girl will grow up to be a Plastic Surgeon. Adult Akilah I really hope she's alive. That's a brave scene of her suturing Van's face with no facial reconstructive background. Her character is developing. 🥰

3. Coach Ben-gay. Haha. My heart went 💙💚💛💜🤍🤎♥️ awwh. Nat's straight gaydar was on point.

4. I'm brainwashed by the show, and the more reviews that pointed Adam is Javi, I refused to believe still, but we shall see.

5. Blackmailer - Jeff. Period.

6. Misty & Nat (adult version) - This time round I am team Misty and will be supporting her. I know she has some cells not functioning in her brain but have you seen how she cares so much about her friends. Misty scores this round and will continue to. Nat needs to knock some sense onto her head and go back to rehab. She should reflect back regarding Misty, how nice of her to go the extra mile to help a friend. I know Misty is a psychopath but she's helping and trying her best to be a good friend to Nat and others. In a simple context, she just needed acceptance from friends and she's good.

7. Carigula - Misty loves you.

8. Jackie and Shauna - Jackie will, without a doubt, plan a lot of candid act of vengeance on Shauna. She's bottling up all her rage/sadness/betrayal. I don't blame Jackie.

9. Taissa Turner - okay my favourite character. Sadly, my BB Tai isn't my favourite in episode 7 and this episode 8. Also, how come no one bombarded her with tons of questions and make her feel guilty? Tai needs to step down and be less cocky/stubborn. Well, In her defense, I can't hold her too liable as she has her own sleepwalking PTSD (parasomnia). That's why we see adult Tai seems more caring. Young Tai, hopefully will learn something from all the mistakes and change gradually, acknowledging her parasomnia and seek the help of her teammates.

10. Young Tai and Shauna evolved and the sweetness of Shauna to stay awake for Tai, is true friendship goals. Same goes for adult Tai and Shauna.

11. LAURA LEE- OMFG! WHYYY?! Yes, we all can foresee that she will die eventually but it was ruthless. I was expecting Van to die first(but that woman is immortal so nothing can finish her). Honestly, I was filled with anger and a shattered heart by Laura Lee's death. All her teammates were running with excitement to see her fly "successfully" until smokes began to show and seconds later exploded in front of their very eyes. I can see another new trauma now. 1st death out of the main characters.

12. Wait, come to think of it, maybe Laura Lee is still alive??! I am beginning to figure out that all the girls are IMMORTAL, (thanks to Van hahahaha) NO FATALITIES. Who knows, right? But I know the chances might be slim.

13. So, next week's episode 9, cannibalism needs to happen already. The pace is pretty slow.

Okay. My ongoing, ice-cold heart melted for Laura Lee's demise. RIP, RICE AND CHEESE. 🤍🍚🧀🕊️

#yellowjackets #laura lee #vannesa palmer #taissa turner #jackie #shauna #akilah #mari #misty quigley #lottie #nat #coach ben #lgbt #soccer girls

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ivorydice · 2 years

Text

WIP Tag Game

I got tagged by @amiyade, thank you!! ✨💖 I’ve seen the rules going around somewhere and it's something like post a list of your current writing projects. Followers are free to ask for more info on any of them, like which characters feature, snippets, extra details, etc. Remember how I said I'm trying to take it easy on myself and not drown myself in WIPs since I'm getting back into actually being productive ahahahahaha yeaaaah *drowns self in WIPs* SO, not a complete list of WIPs, but some things I'm currently focusing on the most. I think I’ve mentioned like most of them anyway lol, BUT HERE WE ARE: 1. The Memory of You (FFXV) -- honestly, this is probably my favouritest fic of mine, which is dumb I know since you'd think I'd have finished it then lol. For those who don't know, Noct and Ardyn are physically de-aged into children (around 7 and 10 years old) by a daemon and are trapped on their own in Cleigne. They have to work together to travel across the country to Hammerhead, where Noct's friends are, but, of course, there are a few hiccups along the way. Enemies-to-friends, Ardyn!redemption, an adventure fic with some cute things, some angsty things and some scary things. MUCH FRIENDSHIP. It now has a playlist on spotify which just makes me feel things instead of write things lmao. I love this fic okay shhhhhhhhh. 2. [title redacted] (FFXV) -- a hurt!Noct body horror fic. After a daemon hunt goes wrong, and after having a strange sudden fever, Noctis begins to descend into “madness”. Nightmares, paranoia, hallucinations, the lot. His friends are majorly concerned about his mental state, but Noctis is convinced there's something more to it. If this fic had a soundtrack it’d be like all synthwave and shit, and yes of course that’s an important detail lmaooo 3. nemo (FFXV) -- daemonised-imperial-weapon!Noct. Pre-game, canon divergence and all that. Noctis has been transformed and brainwashed into killing for the empire, he's seen as a feral beast and a mindless killing machine, Ardyn is a little too obsessed with him, and there's a secret plot to rescue and bring Noctis back home. 4. Conceal (working title) (FFXV) -- a simple one-shot of bros taking care of Noctis, who has been poisoned and has a fever, basically because I wanted more warm and concerned Gladio lmao. Basically just a caretaking fic. 5. What the Shadows Hide (working title) (Merlin) -- an assassin is loose in Camelot and Arthur has been cursed to lose each of his senses one by one. Featuring a lot of angst on Arthur's part as he struggles to cope with becoming far too physically vulnerable for his liking, and awesome-servant!Merlin who tries his best to help. 6. untitled Merlin/Mordred (Merlin) -- listen Merthur is my otp, and this fic is just in the planning/daydreaming stages, but I am SO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED in this fic idea for some reason and I just need to acknowledge that it exists okay, basically S5 AU where Merlin decides to give Mordred a chance, tells Mordred about his fated role in Arthur's death, and then it's a long journey of becoming friends and then more, which Merlin struggles with because it feels like a betrayal to Arthur and Mordred is like STFU you’re dumb and we're both loyal to him. Anyway basically: good!Mordred, enemies-to friends-to lovers, secret relationship, two sneaky adorable sorcerers trying their best to protect their king and each other ANYWAY I think I'll stop there lol because we'll be here forever. I have a ton of Merlin ideas written down but I’m not actively working on them yet, there are a couple of new FFXV ideas that I've kept off this list because the subjects are heavy, and my Supernatural ideas are currently all variations of Sam recovering from Hell trauma (except the big Silent Hill inspired fic which consists of powerful psychic Sam AND hell trauma). ANYWAAAAAAAAAAAAY. I’m gonna gently tag @breakfastteatime @deducitetemporacarmen @kaelinaloveslomaris @every-lemon @glaivenoct @marmolita but no pressure. Anyone else wants to do this, consider yourself tagged!

#please excuse the sheer BABBLING i am on such a caffeine high lmaooo #yeah the title redacted one has actually had its title redacted lol #i'd prefer to have the title drop when the fic is posted #JUST BECAUSE #tag game #my fics

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quidfree · 3 years

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do you have any thoughts on class 1a dynamics as a whole? i really love whenever they make an appearance in your fics (like the party in tlaao) would love anything more you had to offer, whether in high school or in a hypothetical future

honestly i dont have that many thoughts on the subject bc if im being real i only care about like 40% of class 1-a lol. sorry to the extras but so many of the charas are not developed or interesting enough for me to have thoughts on them. i vacillate between wanting to just flesh out characters myself or point to canon and just give in to the fact that loads of the characters are boring / have no depth, so i dont have specific takes on like The Entire Class. but i do enjoy the way certain charas bounce off each other and some of the friend groups, notably the whole kirishima/kaminari/sero/ashido subgroup who i think feel like an actual group of friends w clear similarities in temperament but distinct personalities, unlike a lot of the nebulously fanon friendships in the class.

for the class as a whole i do find their like group dynamic interesting objectively given 1) the insane amount of trauma theyve been through and 2) the way certain classmates are unarguably like the mvps of the class. theyre all traumabonded war vets by this point so i imagine theyre pretty close regardless of personal affinity, but then also 5-10 of them are consistently involved in high stakes drama and 3 of them are like the main characters of their universe, espeeeecially bakudeku. i have this whole thesis on 1-a v bakudeku that ive never worded properly which is like… yk how all might says theyre 2 sides of the heroism thing? i think thats also true wrt to their class. like in their own way i think both of them are kind of the heart of the class/the class mascot. i know that may seem like a stretch regarding bakugou but i think its p true. theyre both fairly aspirational and also heavily involved in class plots (for bakugous side think sports fest and kidnapping for starters lol), n i think lowkey both have similar leader traits ™ despite opposite approaches as the story progresses. importantly they have like opposition/foil roles to each other so i think in conjunction is when they really act as class mascot. and i love that in recent arcs bakugou is like the class voice of reason leader to midoriyas rogue agent thats a fun reversal (altho id argue midoriya has always been a pretty reckless and independent actor who is a team player only by chance).

also i just enjoy narratives where there are some people that Stand Out and i wish there was more of a… idk, Vibe there where 1a acknowledges the Otherness of some of their classmates instead of typical ‘together we fight! we are here for each other! go team!’ ra-ra shonen bs. bc it would be really weird and interesting to examine what its like to be a character w like normal / above average but normal for 1A abilities but then have to contend w these Super OP classmates. imagine going to class and endeavours kid is there w two quirks. and one guy has all mights quirk. and the other guy gets kidnapped by the league of villains as a recruitment stunt bc hes that good. ok.

i realise ive gotten very off topic from ur ask i think in a less meta way something i enjoy is the semi unlikely spinoff friendships that develop w age. like i always enjoy making uraraka close with both bakugou and todoroki bc i think she admires them both a lot in hs and sort of befriends them individually by accident through midoriya except it just sticks bc shes good-natured but not much of a pushover so she can handle their antisocial antics. or like sero is unexpectedly one of those ppl who just has everyone’s number bc hes really chill and has unlikely hobbies. in general i think 1a likely hang out a lot even as adults and their in-jokes are all really disturbing but funny to them alone. they also try to drag the horror trio kicking and screaming out of pure workaholicism whenever they can (kirisquad esp). i feel like the first couple of times 1a went out they went massively overboard bc of their abnormally important need for stress release and it was a complete mess that barely anyone remembers anything of except the usual sober(ish) contingent. todoroki and bakugou both know more than they let on but will take the memories to the grave for a variety of reasons.

theyre probably all very competent heroes in general when older also but like yk how when youre surrounded by smart people you forget theyre smart? i feel like their sense of normalcy is so skewed none of them realise how impossibly trained they all are at their jobs. their peers/the GP is in consistent shock and theyre just like ‘whos up for drinks next tuesday lol’. running gag that all of 1-a is ridiculously overqualified and also like way too used to dealing w earth-shattering danger so normal villains avoid them like the plague to spare themselves the embarrassment.

#qui parle #qui repond #anon #bnha

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imonthinice · 3 years

Text

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 15/?

Word Count: 3k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name.

Thinking about making parts longer so that I can at least finish a semester of Jason knowing Y/N before I do fic 2 of this continuity. Give it a better name, probably. I dunno

Warnings: Eludes to sex, Takes about Injuries, Mentions of Trauma, Refusal to acknowledge pain, Swearing, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

She could find herself lost in the way Jason walked for hours. He thought she was asleep when he threw on his slightly ripped boxers so he could walk to his desk. She didn’t know what it was that drew her in, maybe it was just the way that even after he had been stabbed that he could act like he owned the room.

She thought he was really, really, attractive. Like, really. She couldn't think of times where she wouldn’t get lost in how he looked. His personality made it a lot better, too. She really liked how he chose to carry his personality, how he chose to carry himself.

He turned to his bed after plugging in his laptop, it would take a while to charge, when he noticed she was staring.

“Your eyes will dry out looking at something so hot, Y/N. I’d be careful,” he joked, letting a large smile slip by.

“I’ll need heat-resistant goggled to keep this relationship going, damn.”

“Bruce can buy you some.”

“I think after his freak-out bout our situation, he wouldn’t be keen on that one, darling.”

He smiled at her, “What makes you say that? He clearly likes you.”

“That doesn't mean he wants to spend that much money on me.”

“I would spend that much money on you,” he grabbed the water bottle sitting at his desk and twisted the cap off.

“You have spent that much money on me.”

“Pretty girl, gets money, gets the pretty man,” he said before seeming to chug the entire bottle.

“You would probably find a way to drown while drinking water, honestly.”

“Ha, ha, baby. Funny.”

“You don’t have to tell me I’m funny for me to know I’m funny, Jay,” she joked, “Are you coming back to bed?”

“No, I’m not.”

“What the fuck, man.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I have work to do for Wayne Enterprises,” he said.

“I just want to cuddle,” she jokingly wined at him.

“You’re a temptress, but I really have to do this.”

“Doesn’t your laptop take time to charge?” she asked.

“Yes it does, why?”

“Come here then.”

He sighed and looked at his laptop before smiling and coming over to his bed, “You’re lucky it’s charging slowly today, baby.”

He climbed into the bed beside her, she thought he forgot that she was naked but he didn’t. He knew she was naked, he just didn’t want anything from her, he didn’t want a ‘fun night’ with his girlfriend, he just wanted the cuddling on a Thursday morning.

She had a headache, a massive one, and Jason noticed her wincing a lot and holding her head, he had seen these signs before, in Time Drake, his baby brother, who had a severe caffeine addiction.

“You alright?” he asked, nuzzling his nose into her shoulder.

“Headache,” she answered and winced again.

“Caffeine or medication?” he asked, trying to make certain that is was caffeine and not anything else.

“Caffeine.”

“I can always make you some coffee, Y/N.”

“If you're willing to leave this bed, could you?” she asked.

“I could, I could. I don’t want to leave this moment, but I guess” he said, sarcastically.

“I’ll owe you indefinitely,” she said as he got up and walked over to his dresser, scavenging for a pair of pants so he didn’t walk downstairs and possibly expose himself to his siblings.

“Do you want anything else while I’m down there?” he asked while putting on his pants, “I can always make you breakfast,” he said.

“No, no, the coffee is more than enough, I swear.”

“You just want to spend more time with me, you simp.”

“That is true, that is so true.”

“I’ll be back in bed before you know it,” he walked over to her and kissed her forehead, taking in the bedhead and the way her eyes drowsed when she was tired, “Don’t pass out on me.”

“I can’t make promises I may not keep.”

“Then just keep me positive.”

She laughed and he walked out of the room. You could feel the way he was giddy about her as he walked out, from the way his grin wouldn’t fall to the way he bothered to get dressed, even if it was just pants.

No one thought they’d see the day that Jason Todd, the Jason Todd, would walk out of a room with a girl in it with pants on.

“Master Todd,” Alfred said as Jason walked into the kitchen, “One of these days, I ask of you, you and Miss Y/N should eat breakfast with the rest of us. And, it’s nearly 10:00, sir. You should be up sooner.”

“I can always count on you to parent me, Alfred,” Jason joked, “One of these days she and I will come down for breakfast, I swear,” he turned on the coffee machine.

“You don’t drink coffee, Master Todd.”

“No, I don’t. But she does.”

“My god, you’re whipped!” Tim exclaimed at his big brother.

“You’ll understand one day when someone you like this much is in your bed, Tim.”

“You didn’t even call me on my shit, who are you and what did you do with my brother?” Tim joked.

“I sold him to the devil in exchange for his rocking body and a beautiful girlfriend, moron.”

“How is your stab wound, Master Todd?” Alfred asked.

“Painful,” he said before looking in his foresight for Alfred’s reaction, when Alfred frowned, it broke Jason’s heart, he loved Alfred, “It’s gotten better, I swear. But it’s not ideal, either.”

“Master Richard says he should have watched you closer.”

“I don’t think he could have stopped it.”

“I could have tried,” Dick chimed in.

“Have you been listening in?” Tim asked when he turned to Dick.

“Are you that surprised? But Jase, you could have died, I could have done better, I could have stopped it if I just-”

“How many times do I have to say it isn’t your fault, Dickie?” Jason cut him off.

“I just promised to always protect you, and I failed my job.”

“You’re starting to sound like Dad, Dick,” Jason joked, trying to liven up the mood and stop his brother from crying. He needed to just distract them all from it, he didn’t want to deal with it, to talk about it all.

“Jase,” Dick paused.

“Dick, c’mon. I’m not dead. No one died. We’re all okay.”

“Jay, he has a point, no one is ready to lose you again, man,” Tim jumped in.

“To say the least,” Alfred finished.

“I love you guys, I do,” he said as he poured Y/N’s coffee, “And I get you’re scared that I’m going to die again,” he paused and sighed, “I don’t really know what to say, really.”

“You said really twice,” Tim joked.

“Listen here you little, literally, shit,” Jason retorted, holding his hand above Tim’s head like he was comparing heights, “I’ve enjoyed this, really. I can’t give up family bonding for anything, but you guys understand-”

“Are you ditching us for the pretty woman?” Dick asked.

“You would do the same, Dick.”

“Because I’m serious about Barbara.”

“And?” he joked as he walked off and back to his room.

Opening his door, he saw her, half-awake, laying in his bed. She had gotten up at some point to put on one of his shirts, it was cute. He liked the fact that she was wearing his shirt. He stared for a bit.

“Whatcha doing, Romeo?” she joked.

“Is that my shirt?” he asked as he walked towards his nightstand and put down the coffee before looking at her.

“Yeah, it is. If you mind, frankly, I don’t care.”

“Ha, ha. I don’t mind,” he said as he crawled back into bed with her while she sat up to drink the coffee, “Hope that makes it a little nicer to be here.”

“It’s already nice to be here.”

“I’m sure the headache made it suck a little, though.”

“Well yes but no.”

“Yes but no is my personal motto.”

“Is it now?”

“Well, ‘Should you do this, Jason? Dad will be mad.’ followed by yes but no is literally everything I do, ever.”

“Is this how telling your dad that we’re dating went?” she joked.

“Oh yeah, he just hates you,” he said with heavy sarcasm.

“If your partner’s parents don’t hate you then are you even their partner?” she retorted.

He laughed and buried his face into her chest. She laughed between sips of her coffee and she stroked his hair. She thought he liked it when she did this, and he did, she was right. He could feel each of her fingers running through his hair, massaging his head. If love languages are a thing, she could speak his fluently.

She was scared, scared that the attacks against her were related, scared that her friends weren’t going to get out of jail, scared that her escapade of drinking had brought her back to alcoholism, there was a taste she could never get off her tongue, the cravings she couldn’t quench. And it scared her. She hadn’t been this far down in a while, mentally.

It never seemed like the moment that she could bring that up to Jason, her fears. She wanted to open up about it but she just couldn’t.

Jason wanted to bring up the nightmares to her, but it was never the moment, He wanted to open up to her about it but he too, just couldn’t.

When she finished her coffee, it was unfortunately the time that Jason had to work, she audibly groaned and sighed when he left her side. He laughed and kissed her before he left the bed, and she, jokingly, tried to pull him back onto the bed.

Mundane life, day-to-day life was stuff like this, partners leaving because they had jobs, school, volunteering, extra-curricular activities, anything. It was the sad reality that they both would have to accept, especially if Y/N was going to reenroll in her dance lessons, which she had been thinking about. She hadn’t been deciding anything, she was scared.

Was it the distance that scared her? Probably. Was it the fact that she could fall from grace? Yes. She didn’t want to fall, she wanted to climb and climb harder and progress. She was a high-achiever. She had already fell, too. She fell hard.

She remembered waking up in a hospital in grade 10, after a night of partying, on the verge of death from alcohol poisoning. She was sent to rehab but relapsed hard. She had already fell, she had fallen so hard but tried to rebuild herself so hard as well. No one, but her parents, knew about the hospital visit, she had hidden it.

He was working away, typing on his laptop when she noticed that he was wincing.

“Baby?” she asked.

“Yes?” he said, through pain.

“Are you alright?”

“Just a little bit of pain, don’t worry.”

She got up and draped her arms behind him on the chair, “Doesn’t seem like a little bit, Jay.”

He grabbed her arm and rested his hand there while the other worked still, “Really, it’s nothing.”

“Do you have pain medication?” she whispered in his ear, trying to prove that she wasn’t going to let it go.

“I do, in the cabinet in the bathroom, why? Are you in pain?”

“If I asked you to take some so I don’t have to see you wince, will you?” she said while she walked towards the bathroom and dug through his cabinet.

“Baby, c’mon, please,”

“Shhhh,” she said as she found the pain meds and walked back, “Take some?”

“C’mon now,” he said.

“No, don’t humor me, say yes or no,” she said.

He grabbed the pill bottle and read the dosage instructions as she crawled behind him in the chair and rested her head on his back. He laughed slightly when she did and she could feel him laugh. The way his muscles contorted as he laughed. It was something she loved. He took the recommended dosage when she glanced at his stitches. They looked to be healing, but she wasn’t a doctor, she didn’t know if they were.

She placed her hand on top of his stitches, hoping she could just trace the outline of the scar, but she was watching his face, hoping that he wouldn’t wince if she tried. He smiled though, something about her even trying to comfort him brought him joy.

He didn’t feel worthy of her worry, her love, her kindness, but he enjoyed every minute of it because he still didn’t know if the pressure of it all, his life, if it would break her. He didn’t want it all to come crashing down, ever. He wanted this to last at least long enough that he could consider saying ‘I love you’ to her.

Every other girl would have run at the moment he was stabbed though, maybe because they had sense, maybe because she didn’t think through it all. He didn’t think she was ‘Not like other girls’ just because he knew that mindset is fucking trash, thank to his sisters just rambling about it at family game night after Tim said it, on accident. Boy, that kid got his ass handed to him by the girls.

He was sure that Y/N probably thought the same about it, in spite of the pick-me songs she’d end up playing when she was bored. They were just good songs, he was sure she didn’t really think that bringing other women, even men, down was a good thing. if she did, who knows how his sisters and brothers would feel about her when they found out.

But there he sat, and Y/N hadn't run. She had embraced the tragedy with open arms and expected it to slow down. His life was face-paced, a tale of a boy running too far and into the sky, and she sat through it with him. He would tap and type on his laptop, trying to not move and disturb her as she relaxed.

Doing work was not exactly the activity a new couple would want to do when neither of them had anything else to do, but it needed to be done or Bruce would hand Jason his ass in an argument about work ethic. Jason had work ethic, and Bruce had let him rest but when Jason was showing signs of recovery, he started telling Jason to ease back into work. So, Jason wrote essays defending projects Bruce wanted to do to the board.

Bruce didn’t need Jason to defend him, but if Jason could get the words out, normally no board members would fight Bruce on the decision anymore. And Bruce paid Jason handsomely for these essays, because Bruce did not like the fighting and arguing he’d get from the board.

But the Batman-Patented Stare would follow if someone continued to hate Bruce’s plans. It was a watered-down version of it, but it was still probably the most intimidating thing that his kids and teammates have ever experienced.

Jason hope that the relationship between him and Y/N would continued even if Bruce gave her the Batman Stare. She seemed like the type of girl who would end up laughing in Bruce’s face if he did it to her.

She was probably going to receive it after that fight Jason and him had about protection, because she was also partly to blame about that.

The hours ticked by as Jason wrote to defend his dad from the board, and before he and Y/N knew it, it was dinner time at the Wayne Manor, and Y/N was invited. Great, Jason thought, I guess we’re going to find out how she’s going to deal with the stare.

“Just a fair warning, baby, my dad’s probably going to attempt to lecture you if you join us for dinner,” Jason said as he got dressed.

“He can try his best, I’ll give him that,” she laughed as she threw on the same clothes she had from the day before.

“You need to start bringing an over-night bag here, damn,” he joked.

“Remind me next time I come over and I’ll at least bring a second change of clothes in my schoolbag.”

------------------------

They all sat down for dinner, and Bruce started his parenting attempt, “Jason, Y/N,” he said and both of them stared at him, “You both know what you did was irresponsible-”

“Everything I do is irresponsible, Bruce, no offense,” Y/N joked.

“Look, I’m not going to have you two having sex-”

“They’re having sex?!” Damien and Tim exclaimed with fake disgust, YN laughed.

“Could any of you take this seriously?”

“Sorry, sorry, playboy billionaire, I’ll pretend you’re my dad for a second,” YN joked.

“You’re going to be a pain in my ass, huh?”

“Yeah, probably. Sorry about that, genuinely, but its not my fault your son picked me.”

“I just need you two to be safe if you’re going to continue to have sex in my house,” Bruce said, exasperated.

“We’ll just have sex at my house then,” Y/N joked again.

Bruce gave her The Stare at this moment, and she got startled a little bit. Everyone paused because she literally jumped a bit at The Stare.

“Dad, I think you genuinely scared her a bit,” Dick said.

“Did I jump? Oh my god,” she laughed, “I’m sorry,” she laughed harder, “I wasn’t expecting it!”

“Dad, c’mon, she’s a guest,” Jason said.

“No, no don’t worry about me, seriously. He can discipline me all he wants, honestly. If he’s nice about it, I’ll listen, even if I throw 69 jokes his way.”

“Nice,” Tim retorted.

“Really, a sex joke? Right after I tried to parent you?” Bruce questioned, “You really are the perfect match for Jason, my god.”

“You didn’t already realize that from the flipping off the press and her head-butting incident?” Stephanie added in, mocking Bruce.

“I, in no way, feel remorse or shame about either of those events.”

“You flipped off the press?” Cass asked.

“I did, I did. They can’t stop me, no one can.”

“I can,” Jason joked.

“You can keep thinking that.”

Everyone laughed. Whether or not Bruce wanted to admit it, he liked Y/N and hoped that Jason and her were going to last a while.

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