#it would be tragic if he made them to have a chris he could control and use since can't do that with the real one | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writer-in-theory · 3 years

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Begin Again (Spencer Reid x Reader)

summary: penelope sets reader up on a blind date after she got out of a controlling relationship. spencer is everything that her ex was not. series summary: a series of oneshots to celebrate the release of red (taylor's version). 19 songs, 19 fics. pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader category: hurt/comfort content warnings: past abuse, past controlling ex, language word count: 2.9k a/n: while i tried to keep as minimal mentions of reader’s past situation as possible, do be careful with this one, friends. take care of yourselves. also, i imagine this to be baby spencer (s1-4) but it would work for any spencer you want to imagine.

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“All love ever does is break and burn and end, but on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again..."

The first time you met Penelope Garcia was on the worst night of your life.

Back then, you’d stood with your hand pressed to your burning cheek wondering how it had ever gotten that bad. Chris had started out the perfect boyfriend that all of your friends were jealous of. Somehow, you’d ended up standing in your apartment with him screaming such horrible things at you and you realized he’d completely taken control of everything in your life without you even noticing before.

It had seemed hopeless, standing there wondering if this was the life you were meant to live. After so long with him, you’d become isolated from the people who used to be your closest friends. There was nothing you could do but continue to love him, you thought. You wondered if love was really meant to bring you here: trying to come up with ways to hide the sprouting bruise on your cheek from your coworkers.

Little did you know, Penelope Garcia would soon become your saving angel.

You’d never met your next-door neighbor. While the two of you had lived in the same apartment complex for years, it often seemed as though you had opposite schedules. It was clear the bright woman worked strange hours for her job and more often than not was not present in her apartment until late at night.

That night, in particular, you’d find out she worked for the FBI when she called a coworker to check out the noise in your apartment. Derek Morgan had scared you at first, bursting through the unlocked front door of your apartment and demanding in no uncertain terms that your boyfriend never step foot near you again or else his life would be made miserable in prison.

Derek Morgan also ended up being one of the kindest people you’d ever met. His entire body softened as soon as your boyfriend all but ran out of the room. He told you that your neighbor called him and that you didn’t have to be alone anymore. That was when he’d guided you next door with gentle hands, inputting his number into your phone and telling you he would always be there if you needed help.

By the end of the night, you weren’t entirely convinced Penelope was a real person. No one could be so welcoming and kind to a stranger, but apparently, she was the exception. She’d immediately pulled you in for a hug, letting you cry and eventually sleep in her spare room when you admitted you were too scared to go back to your own bed tonight. Derek stayed too, keeping vigil on the couch until you felt safe enough to go to bed.

You were sure their kindness would stop there, but the two of them continued to stay in your life. Penelope always seemed to understand just what you needed. Sometimes you’d go over to her apartment and the two of you would cook together before putting on a tragic movie and sobbing your eyes out. Other times, she’d come into your apartment (you’d long since given her a key) and force you out of bed to go shopping with her.

Derek walked you to work the first few weeks after that night. You knew he was an agent, knew he must be busy with his own work, but when he was in town he was getting up far earlier than he needed to and staying up later to make sure you felt safe. He’d always walk you to your apartment, would come inside with you to make sure your ex hadn’t gotten in, and about half the time would stay for dinner with you and Penelope. When he was traveling for a case, he’d insist you call him on your way to and from work, insistent that it put his mind at ease too.

Recovery wasn’t easy, but it wouldn’t have been possible without them.

That was the only reason you’d let Penelope talk you into today. You weren’t sure you’d ever be ready to date again, but over a year later and Penelope was insisting that you’d never know if you didn’t try.

Supposedly, there was a perfect man she had in mind for you. A blind date sounded like a terrible idea; the mere thought of it alone had your heart racing as soon as you woke up that morning. You had no idea who this man was, had no idea if he was capable of hurting you as your ex had. The only thing you knew about him was that Penelope and Derek both said he was the sweetest person they’d ever met—and considering the kind of people they were, you were inclined to believe them.

That didn’t stop you from panicking when it was time to get ready. Though you’d made amazing progress in finding yourself again, it would take a lot more work to unlearn everything your ex had instilled in you.

“You said he told you what to wear every day, right?” Penelope asked gently after you’d called her crying and panicking over how to feel good about this date.

“Yeah, he didn’t want me to attract the attention of other guys,” you admitted, smiling a little at Penelope’s reassuring squeeze of your hand.

“Then wear something he’d hate, something you never would have worn around him,” your friend suggested.

That was how you ended up in what used to be your favorite dress and heels, truly feeling like you were yourself.

“You don’t have to go, Pumpkin,” Penelope told you as you were scrambling to shove everything into your purse you’d need: your wallet, phone, lip balm, the taser Derek gave you, what if you needed an extra hair tie? “Spencer will understand.”

“No, I want to,” you insisted, laughing as Penelope gave you as stern an expression as she could manage. “I mean it, I really do. I trust you, Pen, it’s just...the first time since. I’m a little nervous is all.”

“It’s totally reasonable for you to be nervous,” Penelope reassured you, giving you one last hug as the two of you made your way to your front door. “Remember there’s no pressure here. Spencer’s an amazing guy and I just know you’re gonna love him, but if you’re not ready then you’re not ready. Call me and I’ll be right there to whisk you away to my humble abode for ice cream and movies.”

“Promise?”

“Of course, Pumpkin,” Penelope answered, that bright smile of hers making one of your own form. “Now go have fun. Remember, you can be yourself. He’s gonna love you.”

“He better, I could use a win about now,” you joked, slipping on your coat and heading out of the apartment complex.

The walk to the cafe didn’t feel nearly long enough. By the time you got there, you weren’t sure if your hands were shaking because of the cold or your nerves. Maybe a little bit of both. Your ex had seemed okay at the beginning, what if Spencer turned out the same as him? What if it was you who wasn’t able to see glaring red flags when they showed up?

What if you got burned again?

But Spencer already proved he wasn’t like your ex before you even said a word to him. Penelope told you to look for a guy in a purple scarf and who’s dressed like he works in academia. Despite living so close to Georgetown, you spotted him right away in the small crowd. Your ex was never early to dates, but there Spencer stood outside the cafe, hands tucked into his coat pockets and shoulders turned inward against the cold.

Penelope was right, he was very pretty. You were a little intimidated by the gorgeous brown curls and perfect jawline, but the nervous smile Spencer gave you when he caught you staring was enough to put you at ease.

“Spencer Reid?” you asked as your feet carried you over to him.

“That’s me,” and it comforted you to know he sounded about as nervous as you felt. “You’re as beautiful as Penelope said.”

And oh, the surprise compliment was enough to make your throat feel a little tighter as you forced back the tears. Instead, you walked into the coffee shop with Spencer, the two of you getting your drinks and settling into a booth in the corner.

“I don’t really know what to do, I don’t normally do this,” Spencer admitted as a wave of awkward silence washed over the two of you.

You cradled your mug of coffee in your hands, smiling at the bashful look on the man’s face. It was understandable now why Penelope thought you two would make a good pairing. “Blind dates?”

“Any dates.”

You couldn’t help the small laugh that slipped from your lips, quickly clarifying the reason when you saw the hint of apprehension fill Spencer’s brown eyes, “I don’t either. I was kinda hoping you knew what to do.”

“We could figure it out together?” Spencer suggested, and that gentle hope in his eyes was enough to fill your chest with warmth.

“Together then,” you agreed, allowing only a small silence to settle before you asked, “Are you really as smart as Pen says, or was she exaggerating?”

“Well, she was right about you so it’s likely she wasn’t exaggerating,” he returned.

“Alright then, Smarty Pants, tell me something fun.”

“Like what?” Spencer laughed over the rim of his coffee cup.

“Anything,” you offered, shrugging your shoulders. “What’s something you’re interested in?”

“Did you know 64% of Americans drink at least one cup of coffee every day? We drink more coffee than anyone else in the world, but we’re able to name the least amount specific coffee drinks.”

“Huh, that is interesting,” you answered, tilting your head a little at how your comment made Spencer’s face light up. “I wonder if the rest of the world has it right. It can’t be healthy to drink that much coffee.”

“Actually, researchers have found that a cup of coffee a day might improve heart health. The effects of caffeine might actually strengthen the muscles of the heart, leading to improved blood flow and t—Sorry.” It was almost painful to see the light fade from Spencer’s eyes, his whole body deflating a little as he realized he was rambling. The only reason he’d react like that was if enough people had complained to him about it.

There was no way you were adding yourself to that list. “Hey, don’t apologize for talking about something you’re interested in.”

The conversation only got easier. Soon enough you were shocking yourself with how relaxed you were around him. You were sure you hadn’t laughed so much in years. It was strange to see how happy Spencer was around you. When you were with your ex, it would take so much effort to pull a single smile from him much less a laugh. Spencer though, oh Spencer would tip his head back a little and laugh so brightly it made you laugh in return.

Spencer was gentle with you in a way you’d never expected. You opened up about your family and he told you all about the rest of the team you hadn’t met yet. He told you all about how he ended up at the BAU and you told him how you wound up in Washington.

It wasn’t until you both were standing from the table that you realized it had been hours, and not once had you thought of your ex.

“Can I walk you home?” Spencer asked then, hands fiddling with each other at his middle as though he were nervous about the question.

“Hm? Oh, you don’t have to do that. I don’t want to make you walk out of your way,” you answered, feeling a new lightness in your chest. He was so sweet.

“I want to,” Spencer challenged. “The sun is already setting and I want to make sure you get home safe. I also don’t want to stop talking to you yet.”

And how could you ever say no to that? So the two of you set off down the sidewalk in the direction of your apartment, engaged in conversation the whole way there.

“No, I refuse to accept any variation of the Grinch movie that doesn’t feature Jim Carrey,” you laughed, shaking your head. “Besides, we all know the best holiday movie is The Nightmare Before Christmas because it combines the two best holidays of the year.”

You two were stopping outside of your apartment building, and you didn’t want to leave yet. If you could stand out there all night talking to Spencer, you would. It had never been this easy to talk to someone before.

And the way he was looking at you now. Even in the dimming light, you could make out the shine in his amber eyes, as though you were something to marvel upon. He shook his head, a soft smile on his face as he said, “I don’t know how I got this lucky.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, tilting your head to the side a little as you tried to decipher his words.

“You said earlier that you don’t go on dates much. I don’t know how anyone doesn’t see how wonderful you are.” Spencer’s words were soft but so genuine, enough to make your vision blur from unshed tears.

It also led you to another conclusion, one that sunk deep in your chest. It was a conversation you knew had to happen eventually, but not one you were ready for. You were almost hoping Penelope had warned him first; you assumed so actually, because there was no way someone could be so sweet, and understanding, and patient without having a good reason for it. “Did Penelope not tell you about...?” you tried, cutting yourself off at the other man’s name. It felt wrong to say that name in front of Spencer, not when Spencer’s face was morphing into complete worry.

“Tell me about what?”

You almost told him. The words were right on your lips, ready to be spoken into existence. It was something you’d planned on warning him about from the beginning, like slapping a warning label on your chest for your sharp edges telling him he might get cut trying to hold you close.

Eventually, that conversation would come; and when it did Spencer would hold you close after. He’d whisper such sweet words into your ear, promising to never let anyone hurt you like that again. It would become his mission to remind you every day how wonderful you were. Derek would catch him researching at work how best to help you through it all and eventually, your ex would become something of the past. Never forgotten completely, but not nearly as overwhelming a presence as he was now.

For now, though, you didn’t want to stop seeing that smile on Spencer’s face. You wanted to cherish the warm feeling being around him gave you, the way you were already anticipating seeing him again. Spencer was good, so so good, and you didn’t want to taint this moment with any mention of your ex.

“You know what? It’s not important right now,” you told him, stepping forward to wrap your arms around him in a hug. “Thank you for today. I had a really good time.”

“I did too, Y/N,” Spencer returned, “Can we do this again?”

“I’d like that. Have a good night, Spencer.”

By the time you got to Penelope’s door, the smile on your face had only widened. It wasn’t perfect; there was still a lingering fear settled deep in your core that you might end up burned by this. Still, something new was taking root in you, something you hadn’t felt since long before that horrible night. For the first time in a long time, you felt hope for the future. You felt like maybe there was a chance at love that wouldn’t scar.

And when Penelope opened the door, she smiled because she saw it too. She immediately wrapped her arms around you, pure joy flooding her as she finally saw a glimpse of something that wasn’t fear. You would be okay in time; and though this wasn’t the entire story, it was exactly the kind of beginning you needed.

“You were right about him, Pen.”

SERIES TAGLIST

@samuel-de-champagne-problems @alexlovescriminalminds @reidsbookclub @givemeth @fightingdragonswithreid @eurydice-but-gay @girloncorneliastreet @silverhetdanes @just-a-human-witha-pen @shemarmooresfedora @rexorangecouny

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #criminal minds fanfic #penelope garcia #loving you was red #my fics

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sweetdreamsjeff · 2 years

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Jeff Buckley

FULL EPISODE

Broadcast Sun 10 Aug 2014 at 7:00pmSunday 10 Aug 2014 at 7:00pm

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Jeff Buckley's voice is one of the most enduring sounds of the 1990s.

His music still holds power, despite it being 20 years since the release of his only studio album Grace and over 17 years since his untimely death.

Interviews with Buckley expose his unpredictable character ranging from quiet and guarded to candid and revealing. Either way, one thing’s for sure: Jeff Buckley could never be relied on for an easy interview.

"He had a whole mythology that was kind of growing up around him," musician Jen Cloher remembers. "He was a bit edgy. You couldn't quite categorise Jeff Buckley. I think there was a bit of intrigue as well. Who was this guy? It was really fresh."

youtube

Rare Jeff Buckley interview

Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell, who was a friend of Buckley’s, says he possessed a star quality.

"What made him that person? I have no idea. But he was that person," he recalls.

"He was this amazing, unique kind of spirit that everyone was kind of drawn to. He had that quality that superstars have. But he unfortunately didn't live long enough for that to be exposed to everyone."

Related article - Hallelujah: The song that took a decade to connect Download the Jeff Buckley J Files podcast on iTunes

CHAPTER 1

Kangaroo

While in some parts of the world – his native USA among them – Buckley became a musical hero in the wake of his tragic death, Australia embraced him as a superstar while he was alive.

Jeff Buckley's mother Mary Guibert assured triple j in 1998 that the love we showed Buckley was not only acknowledged but very much reciprocated.

"He loved Australia, adored Australia," she said. "It was so exciting for him to be there, the response was that palpable for him.

"He really wasn't ready for the depth of the response. It was really gratifying to him. There's something about the Aussie spirit, that kind of independence, that struck a harmonic note with Jeff. He was always so experimental that he didn't always get that really roaring enthusiastic reception in the US, which was alright with him. He liked just being a songwriter and admired for his singing and having a controlled following rather than some kind of raging success.

"But the genuine nature I think of the [Australian] reception, just the way the fans responded to him in concert, the feeling he would get from the people in that performance experience, which he loved to do in the first place, was really a strong and powerful one. It was good for him."

He visited Australia twice in his relatively short career. A short promo tour that saw him in small clubs in Sydney and Melbourne in August and September 1995. Just five months later he had a mammoth theatre tour, selling out some of the biggest rooms around the country, sometimes repeatedly.

The reviews were largely glowing.

"With Jeff’s first tour in 1995, there was a considerable level of excitement and anticipation," triple j Music Director Richard Kingsmill remembers. "Australia had had plenty of time to live with Grace, it had been out for exactly a year before his live show got here.

It was, and still is, as close to a perfect concert I’ve ever seen.

Richard Kingsmill

"Everyone knows now that Grace is a classic. But even after a year of it being out, he was still more a cult artist getting great reviews than he was a superstar. The shows booked in Australia on that first tour were pretty modest size rooms – nothing like the big theatres he played on his follow up tour here in 1996."

Kingsmill remembers the opening show of that first, intimate tour at The Metro in Sydney.

"It’s fair to say the crowd was full of as many local musicians as there were punters," he says. "As soon as he started playing, and then when he sang, the room was his for the next 90 minutes. It was, and still is, as close to a perfect concert I’ve ever seen. He knew this was an important show and that there was a lot riding on it for his growing popularity here.

"He and his band were on fire that night. All in his camp agreed afterwards it was a good one. For me, when towards the end of the night he started dropping in really challenging covers like Big Star’s 'Kangaroo', it had gone way beyond being just a great gig. It was simply a thrill to be a music fan and there that night to soak it all up."

Wendy Tuohy raved about Buckley's return to Australia, writing for The Age in February 1996.

"A fragile figure with a boy's white arms told us wrenching stories of loss, pain and aching," she wrote.

"He used a musical language so beautiful - and sang at times in a voice as rich but tortured as a male Nina Simone - that the pain became a thing of beauty.

"We do not know the exact origins of Jeff Buckley's intensity, or what causes the compressed tension that sometimes makes him rigid at the microphone, but the ’lots of bad things’ he speaks about to journalists, the ‘lots of irreparable damage... the agony of learning all over again’ certainly came through in his coiled-spring stage presence."

Grace has spent 52 weeks in the ARIA charts since its release, even sitting in the top ten back in 1995. The record only managed 149th spot in his native US, though Buckley's mother believes this was due to his label wanting to build his profile slowly.

"Part of that was by intention, I'm sure," she said. "I've seen the marketing plans all throughout and they were all a very low-key, take it easy, let Jeff develop kind of thing."

There was truly an affinity between the artist and the people of this country. If you ever poured your heart out to Jeff Buckley via fan mail, there's a good chance he took what you wrote to heart.

He got a lot of very touching letters from Australian fans which he kept as keepsakes. And he was not a keeper of things.

Mary Guibert, Jeff Buckley's mother

"He got a lot of fan mail from the Australian fans too," Guibert said. "He got a lot of very touching letters from Australian fans which he kept as keepsakes. And he was not a keeper of things. But there were some really powerful letters that he got from some of the Australian fans about how his music touched them. I think that really endeared them to him as well."

Photographer Merri Cyr was a close friend of Buckley's throughout his life and took the iconic photo that adorns Grace's front cover. She also attests to how much the singer loved our country.

"I know Jeff loved Australia, particularly he loved Melbourne," she remembers. "He talked about that quite a bit. Australians really connected with Jeff immediately and embraced him, they loved him.

"I'm glad he got to experience that while he was alive. Not just adulation, but the love."

CHAPTER 2

Wait In The Fire...

1994's Grace was Jeff Buckley's only studio album. While collections of material – demos, live recordings, rejected studio sessions – all surfaced after his passing, he left just one finished LP behind at the time.

The album was made at Bearsville Studio in Woodstock, New York, with Andy Wallace, whose production credits at the time were largely for heavy metal and punk rock bands. Making the record in the country was a way of keeping Buckley from distraction, allowing him to channel all of his energy and love of experimentation into making the record.

"I didn't know how beautiful the place would be before I got there," Buckley explained when Grace was released. "I went up there and the place is king, it's absolutely great. So we set up there and we worked for like five or six weeks.”

The core band for the Grace sessions featured Buckley, bassist Mick Grondahl and drummer Matt Johnson, three musicians who had known each other for just six weeks before heading to the studio.

"The whole process of this album was ass-backwards," Buckley said. "The studio was chosen, the producer was chosen, didn't have a band. I thought I'd get it together by that time. I knew I was gonna work with Andy before we got anything solid. We talked about how to record things and the way I wanted to do it. I wanted to get a big room, with the band and the material, 12 mics, live. Virtually we did that."

The recording space was setup in a way that would allow for the band’s ever-changing dynamic, according to author Daphne A. Brooks.

"Wallace and the group set up two different full band recording situations – for louder and softer ensemble playing with two different sets of drums all miked up and set to go at any time. Wallace was always ready with tape rolling,” Brooks wrote in her book Jeff Buckley's Grace, part of the 33 1/3 series.

"An additional third performance area with microphones was set up with a riser, similar to a small stage in a cafe. From time to time Jeff would sit down and play songs.

"There was no set plan or schedule for these recordings, but these sessions clearly provided a fluid bridge between Buckley's solo work and the structure for his new experimentation with the band."

Many consider Grace to be a classic album. It gets the kind of praise reserved only for truly game-changing records. It has earned countless five-star reviews, frequently appears at the pointy end of "best album" polls and has no shortage of glowing recommendations.

"I still think it's one of my all time favourite albums. It's just timeless," Big Scary's Tom Iansek says. "I think you can put it on now and it doesn't sound dated. I guess this just comes down to the quality of the songs. They're that good that they still have relevance and they still bring up the same emotions and evoke the same feelings as they did years ago."

Jen Cloher agrees.

"Grace is an album that stands up today, it's a classic," she says.

"It's a classic album and I think it will go down in the history books – it already has – as one of the most accomplished debut albums of all time. Amazing songs."

Speaking to Mojo magazine in 1997, Patti Smith Group guitarist and Nuggets co-curator Lenny Kaye said Grace was merely hinting at bigger things to come.

"Grace was a great beginning, staking out all the stylistic territory," he said. "I think he was getting ready to make his first real record, working out what he wanted to say without letting that wonderful voice distract people from his internal emotion. I'm sure he wanted to be more than just a pretty face and voice. He had a vast plain to work in and he never really got to work it."

CHAPTER 3

Songs To No One

Jeff Buckley's playlist of tracks that mattered to him On his first Australian tour in August 1995, Jeff Buckley visited triple j to talk to Richard Kingsmill about six songs that mattered to him at that time.

Music's power was clearly important to Buckley, as it was something he would connect to the key moments in his life.

"Music needs time to live in and sometimes that time is a memory, a childhood memory or a really dramatic memory of a fight, a loss, a death, a birth, a movie," he said. "Something totally ordinary – if a song captures it, those are the things that keep time in your life.

"The day I heard 'How Soon Is Now', the day I heard 'Yeh Jo Halka Halka Suroor' by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, the night I heard Górecki's Third Symphony, the day I heard 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough'..."

Diana Ross – 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough'

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Diana Ross Aint No Mountain High Enough

Buckley began by recalling hearing Diana Ross' version of the classic soul song 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough' as a five-year-old boy.

"Fullerton, California. Pritchard St house. We lived next to a railroad track and an airport simultaneously," he reflected. "My mother had a garage full of weird clothing she would make and she had her own business called Elegant Funk. I would roll joints for my parents."

When Kingsmill asked if his childhood was good, Buckley's response spoke volumes.

"Eh," he shrugged. "It was a childhood."

The Grifters – 'Get Outta That Spaceship & Fight Like A Man'

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The Grifters Get Outta That Spaceship

Jeff Buckley's love of The Grifters is well acknowledged, particularly by his Australian fans. He loved the band so much that, on his second tour of Australia in 1996, he brought them along to open the shows.

Buckley was first turned on to the Memphis indie rockers in the live arena.

"For some reason we ended up in Iowa City and opening up for us was The Dambuilders, a really rocking band from Boston, and The Grifters and then us. I don't know what the hell happened – it shouldn't have been like that, but it was and that was how I saw The Grifters. It was just great."

Vocalist David Shouse’s emotion is intense in this track, a trait Buckley seemed to admire above all others.

"Dave's voice... He hurts real bad. He hurts real good."

youtube

Bad Brains – 'How Low Can A Punk Get'

Bad Brains - How Low can a Punk Get

You wouldn't expect Jeff Buckley to be a hardcore punk aficionado after hearing his achingly beautiful songs, but Bad Brains were an important part of Buckley's introduction to New York City.

"It was D.C. hardcore and New York hardcore and hardcore all over the place. They just came out and they were so ahead of everything it seemed. Not ahead, they just nailed it.

"My introduction to New York for the first time, the first thing I heard was 'Re-Ignition', that changed my life. I Against I, that whole album...

"But the first Bad Brains album is the one that I love the most. It took a while for me to get into Rock For Light 'cos there's a lot of the same songs as on the first one and it's produced by Ric Ocasek from The Cars and it sounds really bright and clear, whereas the first one sounds muddy and evil. But I learnt to like it because there's songs on it you can't get anywhere else, such as this one."

Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – 'Blues X Man'

Jon Spencer Blues Explosion - Blues X Man

Jeff Buckley was a well-known figure around New York's Lower East Side. So it stands to reason that he was familiar with the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, another popular act formed in that area around the same time Buckley was cutting his teeth at Sin-é.

Buckley hadn't yet seen the band live, but he certainly had some ideas about what it might be like.

"I pretend I'm Judah Bauer naked in my apartment sometimes," he told Kingsmill. "Sometimes I pretend I'm the back-up girls on this song."

Shudder To Think – 'Track Star'

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Shudder To Think - The Recording of Pony Express

Pony Express Record was the first album Washington D.C. punks Shudder To Think released on a major label. It was 1996 and labels were still taking chances with loud, unique bands in the hope of another Nevermind. Shudder To Think never reached such lofty heights, but the record, mixed by Grace producer Andy Wallace, was an artistic triumph and remains critically adored.

"They used to be based out of D.C. now some of them are in New York. People think that I'm good. But this is a person, these are some people that I think are really good, really beautiful. You've never heard anything like this. There are too many things to choose from on this one, but I especially adore 'Track Star' – you'll see.”

The Patti Smith Group – 'Ain't It Strange'

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Buckley was a huge Patti Smith fan. One little known fact is that Patti Smith had a profound influence on the now iconic cover of Grace, Merri Cyr explains.

"The image that was chosen for the album cover was an image that I didn't even notice on the contact sheets, and that I hadn't even made a proof of," she told Double J when asked about the now iconic shot.

"Jeff pointed his finger to it and said 'I want that one'. The reason he liked that photograph was that he could tell he was listening to music in that photograph. He could see in the image that he was listening to music.

"We were listening at that time that the shot was taken to a Patti Smith album, Horses. It was a funny thing, we both brought the same CD to the shoot that day. He was really digging into the music, so I got that moment. That's why he chose the image."

'Ain't It Strange' is from Smith’s 1976 album, Radio Ethiopia. Buckley initially said there were no words that he could use to describe the power of the song, but then couldn't resist trying to articulate what made it so special.

"This song sounds like a song of devotion in its strength," he said. "Her voice and her music and her words are all equally special and strange and penetrating and understanding. They all integrate.

"I can't separate her from her voice, I look at a picture of her and I can only imagine that sound coming out. Like a force of nature."

CHAPTER 4

The Man That Got Away

Jeff Buckley's father was revered folk singer Tim Buckley. The two were estranged up until Jeff was eight years old, at which point Jeff's mother took her son to see the folk hero perform live.

The two Buckleys spent a few days together following that show, but Tim died just a couple of months later from an overdose of alcohol and heroin.

Jeff could never shirk the unwelcome comparisons to his father that he garnered all throughout his career.

"It always came up," Merri Cyr remembers. "At his shows a lot of Tim fans would be requesting Tim songs. They'd say 'Play 'I Never Asked to be Your Mountain'' or something and he'd be like 'Fuck you!'. He just kept comparing himself to Tim and I think that's a sad thing."

Cyr noticed an element of competition that Jeff had with his father's legacy.

"I think there was this time when he was about 27, I remember him telling me 'By the time my dad was this age, he had seven albums already and he had slept with more beautiful women then I ever will'. So I think, unfortunately, he was in some competition with his father, but he didn't know his father so it was... I don't know if it's oedipal, but it's kind of definitely mythological."

I think, unfortunately, he was in some competition with his father, but he didn't know his father so it was... I don't know if it's oedipal, but it's kind of definitely mythological.

Merri Cyr, photographer

Mary Guibert believes that Buckley was beginning to become more comfortable being compared to his father, despite his early frustrations.

"I think he was becoming more comfortable with the constant comparison," she said. "He certainly was getting to a point where he could understand how a young man of 18, at the beginning of his career, could find it difficult to break through the wall that you build over the years between yourself and an estranged son, in the way that he and Tim were estranged.

"I think, in the process of becoming a man himself, he was able to understand and accept more the way things turned out and be more at peace with that. I think if Tim were alive today he would be so proud of his son. And if you were to ask Jeff, he'd be proud of what his father accomplished. He just felt that they both deserved to have their own place."

The soundtrack to my life! Mid-twenties, life overseas, breakups (Last Goodbye & Lover You Should've Come Over), get-back-togethers, my first born daughter is named Grace & now all 3 of my daughters love his music...it's so moving & ethereal...

Jacqui Smizutsu — Facebook

Despite their stylistic differences, Guibert said the way the two men approached their music was almost identical.

"I think the one thing that impressed him the most about his father's work was that it was really true to him, it was an extension of himself. He didn't hold anything back. In those two ways they were similar. But not because one was influenced by the other, they were just simply that way on their own. As individuals."

Guibert's comments echo a sentiment Buckley expressed to Rolling Stone in 1994.

"Separated all our lives, and now I'm right there in the [CD] bin next to him," he said. "His thing should stand on its own, so should mine. Otherwise, how else could I bring honour to it?"

CHAPTER 5

Mystery White Boy

It's an easy, but fair, assertion that Jeff Buckley was complicated. His varied influences, his complex relationship with his father's legacy, the strange way in which his one true studio record was made and the deeply spiritual connection he had to music, that he often struggled to verbalise, all examples of this.

There can be no denying that the mythology of Jeff Buckley is a part of his appeal.

But what will always loom largest about Jeff Buckley is the 51-minute opus that is Grace, from the sweet, sustained harmonics that usher in the delicately beautiful 'Mojo Pin' to that one final falsetto croon that closes 'Dream Brother'. This will forever be Buckley at his most pure to his legions of current fans and the many who will continue to discover him in the years to come.

For a career that was so short, Jeff Buckley has left us with so much.

"Being a guy that's been to a lot of funerals for young people, the discussion comes up – the light that burns twice as bright burns half as long," Chris Cornell says.

"That's the way you treat the notion of a person that does well before they should. It's usually BS, it's usually a way of everybody just kinda dealing with it and feeling better about what happened. But in his case it was very true."

Broadcast 10 Aug 2014

#jeff buckley #double j #broadcast 2014 #article #jeff buckley article #australia #Youtube

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vaguely-problematic · 2 years

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>>>Instead of hitting Chris, it would have been brilliant if he had called out why the ‘joke’ was potentially damaging. We’re not in the business of writing Oscar speeches but perhaps Will could have grabbed the mic and said something like this... “Apologies everyone for interrupting the proceedings but I really feel the need to challenge the joke that Chris Rock made just now about my wife Jada. The difference between Jada and Demi Moore, who shaved her head for the role of GI Jane years ago, is that my beautiful wife’s lack of hair is not entirely by choice. She has a medical condition called alopecia and she has chosen to embrace the baldness that brings rather than wear a wig as many women with alopecia do. There have been times when this condition has caused distress and anguish to my wife and, as a result, to me and my family. I feel it is time that obvious jokes were not made about anyone’s appearance. In a society where it is unacceptable to make jokes about someone’s race, sexuality or disability, perhaps it’s time we extended that to include any visible difference. Yes, my wife is bald. But is that any reason to uninvitedly bring her into a joke when she is here, like anyone else, to simply enjoy the evening? There is another reason for me to call out such a joke. All across the USA and the rest of the world, millions of children and teenagers are living with alopecia. Some of them are unfortunately having to deal with bullies who make jokes and jibes about their hair loss. This should not be happening in 2022 and yet it is. This month, tragically, a 12 year old girl with alopecia took her life because she felt she could no longer face the bullies who were making her life miserable. All because she looked different. Chris, if I allowed your remark to go unchallenged, millions of people around the world would see it reinforced that it’s ok to make jokes about people with a visible difference that they cannot control. It is not ok and it’s time it stopped. Thank you.”

#oscars #will smith #chris rock #jada pinkett smith #academy awards #living in the usa #2022 #alopecia #bullying #suicide #child death #it's not a joke

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wellthisisgawkward · 4 years

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mkay I’m seeing a LOT of discourse about Wonder Woman 1984 and for whatever reason I feel compelled to throw my opinion in the ring. I am by no means saying this movie was perfect -far from it - but this felt like a bright & corny movie about hope during a really tough time, so if for no other reason than that I enjoyed the movie.

*SPOILERS BELOW*

First things first - this is a Superhero Movie, not high art. That fact alone means you have to move forward with a level of suspended belief, Diana is the ageless flying daughter of Zeus so like, our believe-ability bar has to start there.

If we are entering with the belief that Diana is the magic lasso wielding, bullet blocking Amazonian that she is, who is chasing a wish granting god stone-it feels like within this world context our belief can continue to be suspended to the point that we believe Steve is such an intuitive savant pilot that he is able to fly a modern day Jet. Or at the very least we can believe that when Diana took him to the Air and Space museum he went bananas at the flight exhibits off screen and was drilling the museum attendants/was reading about the controls. Again, not perfect, but she’s a GOD and he’s supposed to be dead so *shrugs shoulders*

In terms of the wishes piece of it - I’ve seen some criticism about how the movie not only seems to shame people who made dangerous or world threatening wishes, but also the people who were just wishing to be able to actually move forward through the world from their place of disproportionate poverty/oppression. At no point do I think it was meant to imply that those people don’t deserve a BIG hand, they do. What I do think it was meant to imply is that this Wish McGuffin was never going to actually give them a genuine assist. The whole conceit behind the Monkey’s Paw wishing is that you get what you asked for but in a way that it still punishes you, you suffer, you lose. A simple example of that being that we see a guy who said he had always wished to have a farm, only for farm animals to haphazardly show up amidst the chaos on his apartment lawn. In no way was the intent of his wish fulfilled here. People who deserved and wished for ways to better their circumstances would’ve received such at the cost of the thing they love most - the very family members they wanted to raise up for example, their own health, the list could go on. The only way they could avoid these further tragic loses in the chaotic world Max Lord had created was to renounce their wish - they may have deserved the intent of the wish but the stone was created by the god of lies who never would’ve let them enjoy it- they would’ve been worse off in some way to pay for it.

Now something that I LOVED was the framing and dichotomy of Diana begging Barbara to renounce her wish while refusing to renounce her own. They are two people who ostensibly deserve the core of what they each wished for - to be happy with the person she loves, and to feel/be received as confident and have friends, have people talk to you. In this instance Diana, this beacon of truth and hope has no moral high ground in her beseeching of Barbara to renounce her wish as she refuses to renounce hers, to renounce Steve. Again. Once more, their wishes are granted only in a way which is ultimately unfulfilling - Barbara is now everything she wanted to be, strong, perceived as confident and sexy, but in this new world and with her dwindling humanity and empathy it’s still not enough. She will do and be anything to hold onto this ‘gift’ and continue to claw for more. Diana on the other hand is so incredibly human here, gains the humanity Barbara looses in a way, she lets herself want something for the first time in decades, eons maybe - the cost? Her god like power, and not to mention another mans life that Steve would essentially be stealing if he were to stay. But you know what? Diana is a God, she is different than us, she’s meant to be - to inspire us, to give us all hope that we can all be better in the face of terrible odds. So because of this its an earned second ask she makes of Barbara once again, of Maxwell - everyone. She knows how hard it is because she’s done it, for you, for everyone. Revoke your wish for the people you will love, the people you do, so you can keep loving them - like she can’t.

Another thing I read was a comment where someone was bashing people if they liked the movie for its bright aesthetic and the Hans Zimmer soundtrack, to which I say LET PEOPLE LIKE STUFF JESUS CHRIST. Those are valid things to like about a movie, and again I’ll say- this is a superhero movie not a piece of high art. There is no degree requirement to consume and enjoy these things, you don’t need to write a dissertation to prove its smart enough to be enjoyed, especially when the world just continues to be a shittier place. So dear god cut it out with the intellectual gatekeeping and let people like something if it makes them happy please and thankyew.

One more extreme positive - the acting was SO GREAT. Chris Pine interacting with future things for the first time? Immaculate. Kirsten Wiig was amazing at both ends of the spectrum - soft and intense. Gal saying goodbye to Steve - again? Utterly heartbreaking. Pedro Pascal when he goes to his son at the end? When else do you actually feel for a villain like that at the end of a movie.

So all that said, for this movie I will be running on the platform of “Let people enjoy a thing even if you don’t enjoy the thing.”

#wonder women 1984 #Wonder woman #ww84 #diana prince #steve trevor #Max Lord #barbara minerva #its a superhero movie #let people like stuff 2020 #taking that attitude of people being allowed to like stuff into 2021 #if you want to watch it great if you dont also great just dont let someone intellectually bully you out of wanting to watch it #HBO MAx #maxwell lord #cheetah #dc films #patty jenkins #DC #wonder woman 1984 spoilers

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himbo-buckley · 4 years

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Sex, Intimacy and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 5

Hej alla,

hur cool att du är här! Vad kul!

(Kay, that’s it, all the Swedish I remember from two semesters of not really studying, so it’s probably also wrong, uups?)

(Still passed though.)

You guys! We made it! And please, do not imagine this read to you in a happy voice. I am sobbing. I already miss it!

(Also, if you do imagine how I might sound please consider due to several unforseeable circumstances of student exchanges in my youth I have a very weird mixture of British and American English, which basically translates to sounding like either of those doing a bad impression of the other accent - or you know, Australian.)

I’m really having a hard time finishing this meta because I loved doing it so much and I loved talking to all of ya’ll so much. This is a sad moment. (HEY, what if ya’ll came and visited my askbox and I get to discuss random stuff with you!)

Just a fair warning now, somewhere hidden in the middle: this thing is fucking long! We are talking longer than Season 2, so be warned!

Anyways, in case someone is new:

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

And some general info:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta has FIVE parts. Season 1 and 2 make up one part each, while Season 3, due to something pesky called feelings and the fact that I can’t shut up, has been split in three parts: Part 3 aka Season 3A, which spans 3.01 - 3.10, Part 4 which spans 3.11 - 3.17 and this part which is officially only one episode - but still manages to be just as long. Yay! (Sorry.)

And now for the last time for now: part 5 (also called „You’re a godless, half-witted himbo, Evan Buckley, and I wish I loved you less so I could talk about it more“)

Episode 3.18:

My oh my, this episode.

I loved it but I also … didn’t.

It was way too much and at times felt a little rushed and the pacing was just weird.

I mean I loved the party but did we really need 5 min of it? Did we really need Josh’s storyline and Michael’s so randomly in the middle of the episode? Could we have gotten a longer apology scene? Why the weird phone call?

Let’s talks about all of that! (It’s why you clicked read more, right?)

Ya’ll, I gotta be honest, I am from Europe and I regularly go to places via train and while it’s better than a bus, I can’t see anyone falling in love with that! I am just gonna assume Abby did not go by train in Germany. Or Austria. Or Italy. Listen, I like trains just fine but man, do they not look like what we see here!

But also, as someone who has watched Community, the train lady saying „This isn’t Subway“ in an Episode where the human embodiment of Subway acts is very very funny to me.

I feel like I don’t have to point out how significant the cut from Abby saying „They stopped waiting for me a long time ago“ to Buck and Eddie discussing Chris is. Everyone has talked about it by now. But yes, it registered, as did the fact that Abby is dating a single father - while Buck is apparently basically dating a single father. But, you know, that probably means nothing! *chugs a whole bottle of wine*

The co-parenting was very cute and honestly I feel for Christopher and Carla and the firefam is Buddie does happen because they will try to out-protect each other and it will be glorious and also Chris might never get to leave the nest ever. That poor boy.

Sidenote: We as a fandom have not talked enough about Eddie’s reaction to Bobby yodelling and I think that’s very tragic of us. Because his reaction is the best, all: „Is he - should I - no, you know what, fuck it, Eddie, ignore this, that’s too much, you can not unpack all of this, just move on. Brush it off!“

Just watch his face ya’ll, it’s great! (He will be talking to Frank about this, I know it.)

Sidenote: Also Eddie in 3.15 / 3.15. / 3.17 / 3.18 > any other Eddie, and no, I do not take criticism. That boy has always been fine but the military hair cut or what ever is doing things to me as do his happy eyes and the smiles - my god, the smiles!

It does seem significant though the way the show focused so heavily on Buck’s reaction and - as it had been the case since „Eddie Begins“ - we basically don’t see Eddie without Buck and that’s weird. That feels pointed and important, the fact that after realising, who his family is, Eddie basically never leaves Buck’s side if they are at work.

Also the way Chimney and Bobby look at each other in between, yeah, again, making fun of Christopher’s dads! Like, even if you don’t read this as Buddie, you cannot not read this scene as somewhat confirming the „Buck is Christopher’s other parent“-thing. And I know I answered an ask on Tuesday(?) where I said he wasn’t really but yeah, he is getting there. The whole season spent a lot of time focusing on Buck’s relationship with Christopher and even if it isn’t about Buddie, I still think it will cause trouble in Season 4 if Eddie begins dating again, specifically Chris’ teacher.

I also need to talk about Eddie and control, because like I said in part 4 Eddie needs to learn to let go of Christopher a little which is what we see here happening, specifically through the lens of making Buck even more overprotective than Eddie to really cement the fact in all our minds that Eddie is trying to let his son have some freedom. I am so proud of him, you guys! He just signed up for the worst two weeks of his life, he will be dying on the inside out of concern and Buck will pester him every two seconds about whether or not Chris is fine. This is why these three haven’t been to Disneyland, ya’ll! Eddie wouldn’t be able to handle it without murdering either Buck or himself. I’m sorry.

And speaking of how the episode is cut:

One thing I love about 911 is the way it always makes me consider new character pairings and connections I myself would have never thought of, in the context of this episode: Athena, Josh - and Eddie.

And look, the Athena and Josh thing is daunting enough but you can probably still catch my train of thought, because both are recent victims of assault and the episode shows them dealing with trauma and confronting their attacker, even though in Athena’s case it was just theoretical. But now you’re probably wondering, okay, why Eddie?

Well, for starters, what the episode made me realise, whether on purpose on not through cutting from scene to scene is how many similarities there are between Eddie and Athena, both of them always trying to be in control, both of them more prone to violence / more okay with violence than the others, both soft underneath, both with a tendency to let anger take over, both considered to be extremely capable, both with an intense need for control, both straight talker.

And now I will obviously not pretend that letting your child go to sleep away camp for two weeks is similar too confronting your assailant who beat you up, but still: facing fears and letting go of control vs. finding different ways to regain control is the theme for these three in the episode (or this Season in Eddie’s case) and I like it.

I really like what they did with Athena in general in this episode, because, while I don’t think we will see her as a civilian in Season 4, I am confident they will address her trauma and PTSD - especially if they only do a short time jump of say three months and not jump all the way to January / February which is when it might air if we’re lucky.

And I do think the comparison between her and Josh is very nicely done as both characters did the whole brushing it off / moving forward / I am not fazed by any of it thing, as we as viewers clearly saw what utter bullshit this was.

Which of course connects nicely to Mr. „Brush it off and move on“ who has spent a whole season learning to not just move on but to talk about it. A lesson he might have learned? At least that’s what the episode made me think, from the way he came to Buck / the firefam to talk about Christopher and camp to the way he so clearly tried to get Buck to open up about Abby. Jup, that is some motherforking growth right there!

I also wanna say hi to Brooke Shields and say I hope we see her again, cause her character seemed interesting!

And I do appreciate Athena herself addressing the fact that she messed up a little by not calling for back-up right away. This is not meant in a victim blaming way, I just think Athena is very used to handling everything on her own and not asking for help and it is interesting to see how that changes, now that it has backfired on her once.

And now we are getting into the Abby of it all and if anyone reading this is anti Buddie or severely pro Abby this is the moment to either leave or scroll down some more, because ya’ll I won’t really hold back!

(I think.)

I wanna begin by saying, uhm, Abigail, honey? Can you not read what is written on Eddie’s and everyone else’s helmets? Yes, he is from the 118, it literally says so on like every article of clothing he is wearing, omg!

(Writers, do better, that made an already unlikeable character seem downright stupid.)

Now it is very interesting, that the first person we see Abby interact with directly from the main cast (I’m counting the phone call with Maddie as indirectly) is Eddie who doesn’t know who Abby is but who is close enough to Buck to know the second he sees her who she is. The episode spends just as much time focusing on his reaction to Abby as 3.15 did on Buck’s reaction and tbh that feels … fairly non platonic. Of course we can always go back to „Stuck“ and remember what Hen said about Tatiana but still. That was one scene, here we have several scenes highlighting Eddie’s reaction to Abby and just, what do you want me to do with this, Tim?

I mean, the meeting scene literally goes like this:

Eddie *talking to Abby* > cut to Buck, coming closer > Buck: „Abby?“ > cut to both Abby and *Eddie* > Abby: „Buck?“ while the camera is still on her and Eddie > cut to just Eddie’s face having a realisation > cut to Buck

That is some very extreme focus if we’re being honest.

Also her panic reminds everyone of Buck in 3.15, right? The way she is screaming, disregarding her own safety, all desperate to get to her fiancé. Yeah.

I like how Eddie lets them talk and then steps in when he realises Buck is too shocked and only then rushes off, nearly touching Buck. Too be honest I didn’t realise his hand didn’t make contact until I saw some gifs of the scene.

Also the way Oliver plays this scene? The whole scene is so painful and I love it a lot, his whole delivery is so very painful, from the way he says „We’ll find him.“ to the „Um, what’s his name?“ to the „No. Oh. Don’t worry about it.“ because you can actually see him go through all the emotions from devastation to being so very pissed off and then locking that shit down!

Listen, I know it was teased that Buck had to grapple between being a professional and his personal feelings and I think this episode is him being a professional, because this is Buck and Buck cares so for Buck being a professional means risking his life for some guy on the train, regardless of his promise and who he is engaged to.

Sidenote: This episode really brought home why Eddie is a firefighter and not a paramedic, because his bedside manner is shit. „This is gonna hurt a little“. Way to downplay, dude!

Also, while I do love the idea of Buck getting to be Captain one day, I think this episode shows why he won’t be. Because even when he is being professional and having great ideas Buck still cares too much and is unable to make the hard decisions. Compare it to Eddie, who, yes, does say „If we have to choose“, but also is willing to make the choice. Because sometimes you have to. (And now I’m crying a little and oh my, this is why I do not work in any job that has me make such decisions because I could not imagine living with myself if I did.)

I do think however Buck did good, from the way he talked to Sam being his usual self and all.

I’m also such a fan of smart Buck and him standing up for himself with Bobby because he doesn’t get to do this often enough and because it is important for him as a character to learn to trust his own judgement and not depend so much on Bobby’s approval. So yay, my baby is growing up!

(Also, obviously Bobby’s worry was also about Buck and not just Athena, we’ve had half a season of Bobby doing the most to „protect“ Buck, mostly against his will, so I really like that Buck got to do the rescue his way in the end, because it shows growth on both sides.)

Now, Eddie and his dramatic reaction in this scene, first of all:

I wanna take a moment to remember the fact that Edmundo Diaz, my main man, my love, my absolute ray of grey sunshine, apparently lacks any kind of self-awareness - or he would stop acting all high and mighty around Buck because the second Buck is out of view he like, drops any pre-tense of having critical thinking skills or something akin to self-preservation and does the next thing that enters his bird brain no matter the consequences. So a moment of silence for Hen, Chimney and Bobby and all they had to go through in the 6/7 months between Buck getting crushed by a ladder truck and coming back to work, because Buck? They can at least make fun of. Or tell him: yo, bro, you being stupid!

You can’t do that with Eddie - because when Eddie does stupid he gone nearly die but like in a heroic way where he still ends up saving himself and you have to be impressed. Urgh, the nerve!

So, you know what, how about, Mr. Edmundo Diaz, you do not judge Buck for wanting to save people and risk his own life UNTIL WE HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU CUTTING THAT MOTHERFORKING ROPE? Got me? Thanks. (I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed, dude.)

(But then again EVERY MOTHERFORKING CHARACTER ON THIS DAMN SHOW SUFFERS FROM CRAZY STUPID DISEASE and no, I do not take any criticism.)

Also I loved Eddie’s dialog and how clearly the whole thing about the promise slipped out if the way his hands closed are anything to go by (or was he imagining punching some sense either into himself or Buck because in both cases: Call Frank, Eddie!). Anyway the way he just left, like, „I can not deal with ya’ll’s stupidity, I am leaving!“ has me shook! That is the top tear entertainment I expect from my favourite show and I love them for it!

I do love how both Buck and Eddie are in protector mode in this episode, Buck with Sam and Abby and Eddie with Buck, especially because if we’re being honest, which we are (this is a safe space ya’ll), Eddie is the one being far more unprofessional! For his standards, of course.

But this is the closest Eddie has come to showing some form of violence since 3a viewed chronologically (because 3.15 happened mostly in the past) yet Buck is just being is usual too caring self. It’s telling and it’s interesting and I’m just gonna say one thing:

„No one is good when it’s personal.“ - because for Buck with Sam it isn’t really personal (though that won’t hit him until later) but for Eddie it kinda is because he is worried about Buck. (And now I did spell it out! But, oh well, I did say we were gonna do some Buddie right around here!)

Sidenote: what exactly was the meaning / reason of that phone call between Abby and her stepdaughter? We already knew Sam had children and from the was she was looking outside they could have had her just see Buck and step out of the tent to watch the rescue, so why do it this way I ask? Why this incredibly unnecessary phone call that felt so very awkward?

Also I am not gonna talk about that scene right now, because I get mad every single time!

So I will just leave a link to what I’ve said about this scene so far here *and* give you the notes I took on this scene:

ALWAYS READY TO DIE

godless heathen of a man he makes me so angry i hate him i hate this show I wanna leave

EVAN BUCKLEY LOOKS GOD IN THE EYES AND SAYS NAH BRO NOT TODAY

(It’s not like his suicidal tendencies are relevant to this meta anyways because like I said a few paragraphs ago: The whole firefam has them! )

Also, for the first time ever: here is a picture I took while watching the show because what are these two extras doing? Why are they touching like that? Who are they and will we see them again? Does my brain get easily distracted by completely unrelated things?

Anyways, the way Buck answers Sam „She’s down there waiting for you.“ when he asks for Abby and his „Good to meet you Sam.“ really brings home how none of his behaviour was about Abby and all about Buck being Buck. (And now I am angry at him again, urgh, THE NERVE! Selfless fucking himbo!)

I really liked that Sam knew who Buck was and that they got to have this little interaction where he probably reevaluated the whole night because that boy just risked his life for him, the guy marrying his ex-girlfriend, and has spent the whole night being so very nice to him and talking to him. Not gonna lie, Buck is a good guy through and through and Sam probably feels like shit now.

Also Eddie coming to stand in front of Buck - I know some people think it was out of protectiveness, which got me thinking:

Tbh at first I was convinced it was a camera angle thing? Because if Eddie stood behind Buck we wouldn’t really see him. Then I thought, so why choose this angle to film it? Obviously the set had to be built a certain way so was there no other way to do it? Also why was it even important, that we saw Eddie arrive like that, couldn’t they have just changed the angle after Abby was gone to get Eddie in the frame? Why was it important that we knew that Eddie was there and 1) was putting himself physically between Abby and Buck meaning 2) that when Abby leaves with her single father, Buck is left with his single father? Why does an episode that is supposed to give Buck closure focus so much on the reactions of his non romantic partner?

(Because tbh, even if they needed to find ways to use Ryan Guzman in this Episode without adding too many scenes, they could have done it with less focus on Abby. I say this as a Buddie shipper who does recognise how important the connection Buck and Eddie have as friends is: storyline wise Bobby would have made more sense in most of these scenes and Eddie could have been used in a different way.)

I’ll leave this scene with the very nice visual of Buck running back to the traincrash and Eddie following him. These two. Like magnets.

And a quick topic change, because I do wanna talk about Michael and Doctor Hale as well in this meta, one because I found them very cute and two because I’ve now talked to a few people about Ana and Eddie and while we by now know she will probably be in Season 4, I feel like we need to compare Michael and Doctor Hale vs Eddie and Ana. Because there is such a difference in the way these love interests where introduced.

Now, of course we need to realise that Eddie and Michael are fairly different characters and Michael has way less relationship related baggage than Eddie has which is why he goes after what he wants way faster (also, carpe diem, he just found out he won’t die). Also of course, there is no moral component to address in Michael dating some doctor vs. Eddie dating his son’s teacher, but still:

Michael and Dr. Hale had one scene together and it wasn’t even overly flirty and yet, we knew where it was heading, we felt the chemistry and everyone ended the episode saying: I ship it, more of that - which they did give us, just *one* episode later. They had some awkward moments, yet the show never left a single doubt in your mind where this is heading.

Now look at Eddie and Ana:

Sidenote: I do wanna say be kind to the character and no hate, especially not to the actress! Yes, she needs to be flashed out more; no, what we saw so far does not make me ship them; no, I do not mind if they dated a little.

First of all we learned more about Doctor Hale in the two short scenes than we did about Ana in four scenes. That seems deliberate.

Second, while we do realise Eddie thinks Ana is attractive from the get go she repeatedly shuts him down by pointedly saying „Mr. Diaz“.

Third, every scene between them - and I mean every single scene - is connected to Buck in some way:

In „Fools“ we cut from Buck saying he likes being single to Eddie doing parent-teacher conference and yes, meeting some other teachers first but also Ana, showing us that while Buck is fine with being single - Eddie might not be. Also, Carla’s „blue eyes“ line which is a little clown-y, so take it with a grain of salt that it could connect us to Buck

Then of course her next scene is Eddie getting in her face about Christopher being hurt. Later in the episode we see Buck reference this on a call, meaning either Carla or Eddie told Buck about it (I am leaning a little toward Carla making fun of Eddie in front of Buck and Eddie then having to come clean about all of it, because I cannot wrap my head about the idea of Eddie telling Buck about having a crush, I’m sorry.)

Her next scene is Eddie coming to apologise to her and she gives her speech about limitations - which we can of course connect to Buck and Eddie talking about Christopher and his limitations before that and then afterwards going skateboarding with them. (It does feel a little deliberate.)

And then of course we have „Eddie Begins“ and you guys, they could have very very easily have either Carla or Buck make a joke about Mrs. Flores and Eddie’s crush in the firehouse scene, but they didn’t! And then we do get to see her at the end where she has one whole line and Eddie barely looks at her and you know what happens? They have a child ask the same question Buck asked at the beginning, making us think of Buck. Like, it would have been enough to establish Eddie doesn’t feel like a hero if the question was asked only once - twice in the span of 45 minutes constitutes a callback, meaning we are supposed to think of the other scene and that means thinking about the other person that asked, which was Buck

And yes, once Season 4 premieres and we get Eddie and Ana in this epic romance because Tim Minear wants to be the next Rick Berman, I will go back to this meta and beat my own ass. Or something.

(Listen, her returning in Season 4 does not mean endgame or the end of Buddie, it just means Eddie might get a love interest. Tbh I actually think it could get us closer to Buddie and you know what, I’m just gonna link all my Ana Flores posts here here and here now so you can read all the other stuff I, alongside some other people, said on this topic, if you’re interested because none of this has a point right now.)

Now, let’s get into the meat of things and talk about *that* scene:

Was it a good apology? No.

Did Buck deserve better? Fuck yes.

Did he get closure? Yes.

Is the way that scene was done actually perfect? I mean, ya’ll, yes? A little?

Listen, this scene was always about closure and that’s what Buck got here and that’s what Buck needed.

Buck, who in Season 1 had described Abby as the perfect woman, needed it to go down like this so he could realise she wasn’t and he could finally let her go. And that’s what it was about!

Obviously looking at Abby’s character this episode does not make her look good, like not at all and I’d be very surprised if we ever saw her again. But looking at it from Buck’s point of view it was exactly what he needed. (Not what he deserved, but yeah, if this show was about what Buck deserved it would be a whole lot different and Buddie would be canon by now.)

One thing I really loved about the scene was the way it was filmed, with LA in front of us, Abby and Buck with their backs to the camera and us only ever seeing them in profile, because it was a private moment and this sort of made you feel like you were intruding. Like you were listening in on a conversation and I liked that a lot.

Also I think her speech about losing herself through helping people is very interesting because it contrasts her to Buck. Buck found himself in helping others and lost himself when he was no longer allowed to do that and I think that is what she means when she says she would have lost herself with him again. Because Buck is selfless and he is so selfless he inspires others to be the same, except Abby isn’t but being with Buck she would need to be and that is a problem.

Look, if you’ve followed this blog at all or maybe just read part one of the meta you have probably guessed by now that I don’t like Abby. I found her character boring. I thought she overstepped all the time. I got so mad at her for the way she treated Buck in Season 1!

Because in 1.06 she *actually* complains about him being too thoughtful and scared of messing up while calling him a *toy boy*. The truth is, after 1.05 and their first meeting, Abby no longer takes him seriously. She hardly ever takes his feelings into consideration. The relationship, from Valentines Day onward becomes all about what she wants and what she needs and our Buck is the selfless idiot who gives her his all.

I mean, she never even talked to Buck about wanting to leave, just presented him with her decision and then lived her life and never thought about him again.

And like, I think she is wrong if she thinks she’d have lost herself with him again, because Buck was what showed her that she lost herself in the first place. He helped her on the path of self-aquaintance (I guess? I’m lacking the word here), but she is right if she means the relationship wouldn’t have worked.

Because one of them would have lost themselves, though I do think it would have been Buck and not Abby. After all, Buck was the one who gave everything up from the get go and yes, Abby helped trigger him finding himself alongside Bobby and the job and she did help him stay on that path in the beginning - but in the end it was never about her at all. It was about him and him alone and the amazing person he had always been.

And I think that is what Buck realises in the scene. Despite Abby ghosting him, he still looked at her through rose coloured glasses and with fondness, but here, he realises, oh, Abby isn’t perfect. Abby isn’t like the woman I made her out to be. Abby never really cared about me. And as much as that probably hurt, this is what Buck needed to let go of her!

He needed to see that Abby wasn’t the perfect woman so he could let her go - and find himself the perfect person, someone who reciprocates and doesn’t just take. (Am I crying?)

(And look, I am not saying he already found someone like that, someone who proved in this episode how much they care about Buck and his feelings and making sure he comes home every night to his family - I’m saying he found someone who is working on being that person!)

Let’s talk about Eddie and Abby for a second, again, okay?

(Bro, how did I just get to that topic? So random! *laughs in Buddie*)

When I watched the episode my second time to take notes, I wrote one that said ‚Abby and Eddie parallels / lawsuit‘ - and I gotta be honest I barely remember what I meant. But I did still produce some thoughts (just not sure if that was where I was going with the note, so if anyone has some other ideas, please share):

You know how Abby talks about losing herself when she is with Buck? Well, I know someone who lost themselves just this season because he wasn’t with Buck! (Jup, we’re back with the lawsuit, ya’ll really thought I wouldn’t bring this up? You guys! More than 20000 words and you still don’t know me!)

It’s a very nice parallel to have Abby talking about losing herself with Buck when we saw Eddie losing himself without Buck. Because while I think Eddie himself is a selfless person just like Buck, similar to how Buck needed Abby in Season 1 as a catalyst of change so to speak, Buck was the catalyst of change for Eddie.

I talked a lot in the other parts about Eddie having problems with voicing his needs and feelings - and now please once again look at his relationship with Buck. Because here he has been doing this, not from the get go of course, Eddie didn’t take one look at Buck and his whole life was turned upside down (that was Buck looking at Eddie), but I think Buck steamrolling through Eddie’s life helped Eddie find himself. Buck, from the get go, is a calm centre for Eddie, an anchor, even after he reconnects with Shannon. Buck is who he turns to in a crisis, who he trusts with his son, with having his back.

And I think in both cases - Abby and Buck as well as Eddie and Buck - the relationship is brought to the next level through Buck’s selflessness and willingness to help. But while Abby just takes it and doesn’t really see it as the gift it is and never fully lets Buck in, Eddie does the opposite. Eddie, whether knowing or unknowing, makes himself exactly what Buck needs: someone who puts trust in him, who treats him like an equal, who opens his home and his family to him. And he also tries (and this is a big thing considering who we’re talking about right now) to be there for Buck, to be his anchor just like Buck is his - which obviously works with mixed results, because one person, no matter how hard they try can never fix the problems of someone else alone. Believe me. I’ve tried.

And wow, did that get deep and fast! Damn ya’ll and I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in like 5 days. This show really gives me all the feels!

Now, to keep me and maybe ya’ll from crying I’m gonna change the subject and talk about something else, also known as the rest of the episode:

To go back to the start of the episode, Buddie really had some extreme couple / family vibes going on, especially with Christopher in the mix. It’s telling that they included a scene of Buck and Christopher specifically and it was to remind us once again that these two have a strong bond. I won’t go all: Buddie confirmed, this is were we are heading, ya’ll! Because as you must have realised by now I am fairly cautious when it comes to this and am always fighting to keep my own clownery at bay, but I do have to say so far nothing in this show and Season 3B specifically has read as a red flag for me, disapproving the possibility or making me feel queerbaited. Now, maybe I am just very off in my intuition and they will change gear in Season 4, but well, right now I have some hope! I also loved the scene of Christopher going to camp and the card which reminded me of 3.01 and also, Eddie looks so good here! And he came so far, letting his son go to camp and all!

Of course I would have loved to see Buck there as well, but one, that would have been a Buddie confirmed and we’re not quite there yet and I’m glad cause right now they aren’t fully ready (in show terms, fanfiction is something different), and two this proves what I said about Buck and Christopher being connected and him having parental / fatherly feelings toward the boy but like, not being his actual father yet! Buck loves Chris and Chris loves Buck and obviously he is part of the Diaz family - but he also isn’t.

(Also: I went to something like camp when I was 11 and you think both my parents brought me? Nah, son, they didn’t. My dad brought me while my mom made breakfast.)

Now, some sidenotes to round it all off:

Karen is a gift and I really hope we see more of her because omg, I wanna be her friend, I wanna be her wife, I wanna learn about life from her! She is awesome and I will never fully forgive Hen for cheating on her, like girly, Eva isn’t even close to Karen on any level?

And speaking of Hen, I love the subplot of Chim coming to terms with her potentially leaving and deciding to help her because he was who she really needed on her side - not anyone else. I’d write a meta on their relationship but tbh it’s so consistent and unproblematic, I really don’t know what to write except: goals about 10000 times. Which isn’t that different to me finding new ways to write THE CONNECTION, if we’re being honest but oh well! Now it’s too late to stop that!

I loved Athena getting spooked by Bobby showing up behind her when she was getting a drink - talk about this show finally addressing the trauma these characters go through! And it only took, oh well, about 35 episodes. Let’s hope that is the energy they bring into Season 4.

Now the apology scene with Bobby, I do hate how Buck is once again the one apologising and especially since it’s with Bobby but I do think it was a nice scene and a great callback to 3.01. Also this episode showed a lot of growth in Bobby and Buck’s relationship. Because after 3a was all about Bobby projecting onto Buck and making decisions for him based on what he thought was the right thing, this episode not only had Buck standing up to Bobby in a healthy and adult way (no lawsuit this time!) but also Bobby giving in and letting Buck make the decision even if he disagreed. That is some motherforking growth right here and Babe, I hope you are not to disappointed with me, but if they keep Bobby like this I might actually begin to see his appeal to people (still need him to suffer the consequences of his actions, though).

But to end on a great note:

Buck is doing okay and - most importantly - MADNEY BABY!!! You guys, we knew it was coming from the promos and all but I cried! I cried so hard! I am so happy for them! These two soft characters and their amazing, open, caring, trusting, adult relationship deserves all the luck in their fictional universe!

Whew, you guys! We’ve done it! And it’s longer than Season 2 (I’m sorry, are ya’ll surprised? This episode was a lot!)

I feel like I should write some form of conclusion to this whole meta and yet my words elude me. Here are the few I have for you though:

This meta began with the idea that neither Buck nor Eddie really knew how to be emotionally intimate with a person and instead used sex as a substitute. This is no longer true for either character.

Buck has learned through his relationship with Abby, that he can be both physically and emotionally intimate with a person and he has proven how this is still true in his reaction to Taylor and his relationship with Ali, what little we saw of it. Furthermore Season 3B specifically showed that Buck, while still afraid to open up to people, is trying. I do think Season 4 is heading toward some kind of romance for him and while I am praying to several deities I do not believe in and the universe itself that it is Eddie, I am not sure. I hope so. But never the less, my shipping aside, Buck has grown tremendously in the course of 3 Seasons and I am so impressed both with his character and the way the show has so realistically done it. I love him. Even more than Buddie I hope we get to see him truly happy in Season 4, happy and settled and learning what life actually holds for him because that kid could rule the world if he wanted to. Now, Eddie: It’s funny, when I began this meta I felt more connected to Buck, I didn’t really see myself in Eddie, I barely had a grasp on his character at times. Now? Now he is my favourite, I love his greyness, his goodness despite his faults, the way he always struggles with himself to do better, to be better because it doesn’t come naturally to him, because it has been taught to him to do the opposite. And that is so impressive. I love the growth we saw in him, the evolution, the fight to be a better man than his own role-models and I love especially how all of this was motivated by and for his son. He truly loves him more than life itself and I am so impressed with 911 subverting something that feels like a very female storyline by giving it to a man.

But of course Eddie isn’t done yet and Eddie still struggles with intimacy and opening up but he is getting there. Through Frank and Buck and for Christopher he is fighting and he is getting there and I love that for him and about him! He deserves to be happy in Season 4 just like Buck, but mostly he deserves to be at peace with himself!

And I already talked at length about Ana and their potential and linked what I thought didn’t fit in here, so I will not bore you by repeating myself and just say: wait. Wait and see. Maybe the show will surprise us. Maybe it won’t. Maybe corona will kill us all before we have a chance to see Season 4. Maybe we are in the Matrix and the blue pill is a metaphor for being trans. Life is strange!

Also on a more personal note I wanna say thank you to everyone who has read and liked and reblogged and commented. I love all of you. Your support and trust in what I am saying has meant a lot and will mean just as much in the future and I do hope I get to do this again in like a year once they return!

(Also, not to sound needy but another reminder to please reblog and comment? Because I *am* actually writing this because I really wanna talk about the show and my feelings and your thoughts and you know, that can only happen if ya’ll do some reblogging)

(Or come to my ask if you are more comfortable being even more anonymous, I don’t judge - I NEVER ask question any other way!)

In diesem Sinne: hamma wieder was gelernt, recht herzlichen Dank für Ihre Aufmerksamkeit und auf Wiedersehen!

Also, of course, the tagging:

@chimbuckleys @angelcamael @greyhello @the-family-we-choose-118 @ipleiade @sevensoulmates

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie meta #buck meta #eddie meta #911 meta #911 #911 fox #meta #textpost #mine #season 3 #my meta

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leverage-commentary · 4 years

Text

Leverage Season 2, Episode 5, The Three Days of the Hunter Job, Audio Commentary Transcript

Mark: Hello, I’m Mark Roskin, Director of this episode.

Melissa: Melissa Glenn, one of the writers of the episode.

Jessica: Jessica Rieder, the other one of the writers of this episode.

John: [Laughs] John Rogers, Executive Producer.

Chris: Chris Downey, Executive Producer, and this is The Three Days of the Hunter Job.

John: Uh, Glenn and Rieder, why don’t you tell us a little bit about this episode - how, uh, how we came up with this? I’m opening my beer, you guys talk.

[Beer Can Opening]

Melissa: [Laughs] Okay, enjoy. Um, I think the episode actually, Albert had the first idea, of doing something with a tabloid- or media-type person.

John: Right.

Melissa: -that’s Albert Kim.

John: That’s right. It started as like a Page Six person, right?

Melissa: Yeah, and then we just took it to the room and explored it, and we just thought it would be a lot of fun to go after someone in this… arena.

Jessica: Originally, I think we were thinking, yeah, more like tabloid, but then we thought that more often people who are really, like, injured today by the media, it tends to be more like, y’know, more on-screen news kinda stuff. So we took it in that direction.

John: Yeah, with- with newspaper circulation dropping by 20% every year, they’re really kinda losing their power as a threat. And, uh, you know, there have been cases of people appearing on these sort of shows that have been driven to, uh, suicide, or been wrongly accused and [unintelligble] in the press. And with the 24-hour news cycle, you know, that’s a big deal. Uh, we would like to mention that this was based on no one individual.

Chris: No, absolutely not.

John: Absolutely not.

Chris: And if we were to mention who it might be based on, we’re gonna say Wayne Gretzky.

John: That’s good, Wayne Gretzky will be the code word. Because Wayne does not do slanders.

Chris: Absolutely not, Wayne will not sue us in any way.

[Laughter]

John: Now, that’s one of the creepier and better victim intros that we’ve done, the failed suicide. We’ve had a lot of talk about like, did he die, did he not die?

Jessica: That’s true.

John: And uh, I believe it was actually a reference on The Sweet Hereafter. The bus accident.

Jessica: It was! That movie wrecked me!

[Laughter]

Jessica: Oh my gosh, I literally watched that movie on a plane and people were looking at me.

John: As you sobbed in the aisles?

Jessica: Yes, I was openly sobbing. I’d forgotten about that.

John: So we thought the most tragic thing we could would be a bus accident. And of course, y’know. And we used a technique, so slandering people.

Chris: Now, Marc, was there any movies or any things you looked at when you, uh, were prepping this? That you wanted to, uh-? How- how did you prepare for this one?

Marc: Uh, you know, I watched- I watched Network again. It was something I wanted to see, and just watching a lot of the local newscasts. And actually, watching their newscast, where we shot the show, uh, was helpful as well.

John: That’s worth mentioning, actually. We’ll get to this stuff, and we’ll point it out, but Portland, yet again, came through for us. And instead of having to build a newsroom, we got a newsroom.

Marc: Yes.

John: Which channel was it?

Marc: They’re Channel 8 News. And they gave us the room, they gave us all the technical support we needed, all the cameramen that you’ll see on the floor there are theirs. They really rolled out the red carpet to us.

Chris: And I think there’s- is there a newscaster on this, too, from there?

Marc: Yeah, yes. The guy who bookends the show, at the end, Joe. He’s one of their local, uh, local newscasters.

John: This is also where we’re advancing Sophie’s arc. And why don’t you talk about how we wound up doing this?

Jessica: Um, I think that we wanted Sophie to be getting uncomfortable. Sort of, like, wanting to spread her wings a little bit. So right before this, she had broken up with her boyfriend and was just, sort of, feeling a lack of control over her life. And so usually, she’s taking orders from Nate and he’s crafting the vision, but as sort of a struggle to find her new identity and maybe get a little bit more control over her life, we had her take over and be the one sort of calling the shots on this one. Which is really fun. I think that everybody in the cast had a little fun, like, changing the roles around.

John: Well they had a lot of fun both teasing- kind of also teasing Tim, a little. It was-

Jessica: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

John: More than teasing Nate, it was also teasing Tim on some of his acting stuff.

Chris: It was actually one of the unintended benefits of Gina’s pregnancy, which was, as we did this arc of her going to find herself, everyone had to take on different roles. And I think it was probably the first episode of the season where we got to really explore that, and we get to see all the different dynamics that it caused.

John: There’s also a callback here, is Sophie talking Parker through the con; that’s something we actually reference in the season finale. And again, that’s one of the things where we really wanted to hammer, which is, they all seem very competent, but they’re all very good at one specific thing. And we really wanted to set up for when we knew Sophie would be gone for an episode or two, the chaos that would ensue when that occurred. This is also kind of a cue to Nate’s control issues, where he can’t even let her talk. You know, it has to be done his way. Um, and Beth Broderick!

Chris: Beth Broderick. Uh, Marc, how did we- how did we end up with Beth Broderick?

Marc: Beth was a friend of Dean’s, who, they were politically active together. They campaigned for Howard Dean together-

John: They were with Bill Ayers, right? They were Weathermen?

[Laughter, Crosstalk]

John: I remember, because Beth and Dean were there when Bill Ayers wrote Obama’s book. They were there but- Wait, are we recording?

[Laughter]

Jessica: Yeah, yeah.

John: Dammit, alright.

Marc: And Dean just- Dean read the script and said, ‘This is gonna be perfect for her’. And she hit it out of the park.

Chris: Boy, did she ever. And I mean, it was just amazing vision on his part, and boy she’s great.

Marc: And also- and also, for a guest star, she’s in almost every scene of the show.

John: This is one of the biggest villains of the- of the two years.

Marc: Yeah, every scene. And the stuff that we made her do, you’ll see later on- big monologues, climbing fences, and she did everything.

John: Yeah, she’s a trooper, man. She went over that fence in shoes. Well that’s- it’s- because again, we were playing around with the format. This is an open mystery, so we know what the con is, but it’s one of the times where really, the victim’s POV is the effect that we’re creating. It’s a lot like Order 23, your hospital episode, where the intent is to see the emotional state you’re bringing up in the person. And so you just live with the villain more that way. And for those episodes, you really need a heavy hitter for an actor.

Chris: And it was also interesting, too, because, you know, we were always looking for cons that didn’t involve delivering a sack of money. We wanted a con where we wanna evoke some kind of a reaction in the bad guy that brings them down, and this one was tailor-made for that.

John: Yeah. And if, uh- this was actually based on, you know, us talking about people who sell fear, and sort of the fear industry in America. And we always say we’re bringing the villain down with their original sin. And so, she sells fear, we’ll bring her down with fear. And this was the big speech- I think I’m the one who came up with the sandworm, it was- it was originally, uh, “the creature that she once bestrode like the [mumbled] on the sandworm of doom.” And I believe you wisely cut out the sandworm of doom reference at the end of this speech.

[Laughter]

Chris: Wow, somebody- somebody mercifully did that?

Jessica: I guess we figured the four people who would understand that weren’t going to miss it that much.

[Laughter]

John: And now we’re in Washington! For the miracle of stock footage.

Marc: Yes.

Jessica: It really does add scope. Every time I watch this show, I’m like, “we like- went there!!” But we didn’t.

John: Again, that’s Portland coming through for us.

Jessica: We just went to Portland, yeah. [Laughs]

John: Well, and Portland doubles as a lot of great cities, east coast cities, and uh, we got a lot of great stuff off of Portland. And this is the newsroom we were talking about.

Marc: Yes, this is the newsroom, and we had to be out of there by four o’clock every day, because they actually had to have their news broadcast.

[Laughter]

John: I love the hair and bow choice on Beth here.

Jessica: Oh my gosh.

Marc: Oh, that’s fabulous.

John: Wardrobe and hair here, now they were kind of intentionally mirroring Beth there.

Marc: Yes, and you’ll notice that every outfit that our Beth Riesgraf is wearing, does match Monica a bit, whether it’s a little color, a little highlight.

Chris: Yeah, it’s great. It’s terrific. And she really just, she looks like a local newscaster.

Jessica: She totally does.

Chris: She just does.

Jessica: I have to say, this was one of the most fun scenes to write. Like, Beth- or Parker being so out of her comfort zone? Because she is so competent, y’know.

John: Yes.

Jessica: And so to be able to write her being a little insecure and fumbling around a little bit was just, it was really fun. And that was actually fun throughout the episode, to be able to write all these people. And just, y’know, being out of their comfort zone, and the comedy that, y’know, lies in that.

John: Yeah, and also Hardison- Hardison being effective, but going over the top as he always does, which- which, y’know, brings us down. Which we actually wound up hitting in the Ice Man later on in the season, yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. A lot of the stuff that we set up here- like, inadvertently, I think, paid off in the Ice Man.

John: Not inadvertently at all, we planned this-

[Laughter, talking over each other]

Jessica: Not inadvertently- did I say inadvertently? I meant deliberately.

Chris: No it was meticulous, we certainly didn't write these things by the seat of our pants.

Melissa: Don’t mind her.

John: We weren't banging these out in four days at a time.

Chris: This was not written in four days.

Jessica: This was certainly not written the day before it was shooting, no.

[Laughter]

Melissa: I love this scene. Her lean in here is-

Chris: Oh this is so ‘Happy Birthday, Mister President’.

[Laughter]

Chris: It is. That's what I heard when I heard that.

John: And now we go to- now we go to conspiracy land. And it was a lot of fun designing Hardison’s- Hardison’s den of crazy. Marc how did you wind up- where'd you go for that?

Marc: We- our art department just came up with a lot of concepts, and our set designer, Adam, just was- he basically put this together himself-

Chris: It's fantastic.

Marc: -with Becca, but it was just great, it really-

John: And that hair is CG, let's add that, that hair is actually a CG effect.

[Laughter]

Marc: We were wondering if we should just have Hardison just laying on the floor and, you know, revealing him, but then we thought why not- let’s give him a proper reveal.

Jessica: And those eyes, how they are slightly crossed the whole time, that's actually Hardison- that's actually Aldis doing that right? Those aren't contacts?

Marc: Yes, that's actually Aldis doing that.

Jessica: He must've had-

John: Yeah, massive headaches by the end of the-, yeah.

Jessica: That's what I was gonna say. I look at that and get a headache.

Marc: It was on a special skills on his-

John: On his actors- on his headshot.

[Laughter]

Marc: Right next to rollerblading.

Melissa: And it was actually true, right?

Jessica: Be careful what you list there, they will make you do it.

John: No the paranoid- the paranoid stuff here was an awful lot of fun to write. We had cooked up an awful lot of- we had found an awful lot of crazy crap on the web. This is- yes this is the one they're building the bunkers to put the Guantanamo people in, when they were talking about closing Guantanamo.

Jessica: Oh yeah, we went through so many possible conspiracy theories. We all tapped into our inner like freak to like, ‘what do you think the government is doing’. It was really- it was kind of an insight-

John: And then when you do the research and find out what they've done, it kind of takes the-

Jessica: Yeah, it's like oh, my stuff’s kinda boring.

John: ‘I think the government lets do one where the government's testing bio weapons in the New York subway. Oh they did that…’

Jessica: Oh shoot.

John: That's not- wow.

Jessica: Guess that can't be funny anymore.

John: No, that's not funny at all.

Marc: Oh Aldis did a great job in this role.

Chris: He just so inhabits this role, you know. I can't say enough about him.

John: I don't know what is Beth doing behind there, where she's kind of, like, scratching at the neck, like she just hates being in this outfit

Marc: Yes.

Jessica: It's true, she does.

John: No, this is- this is a great crazy. And it's interesting to see how it's really a tonal shift from like conspiracy theory to Three of the Condor like at the halfway point of the episode.

Marc: ‘What’d you find? What’d you find?’

[Laughter]

John: ‘Hey, little Timmy.’

[Laughter]

Marc: My favorite line.

Jessica: It’s true.

Marc: ‘Terrorists!’

[Laughter]

Chris: Oh, coming out of the sandbox.

John: Coming out of the sandbox, yeah.

Chris: I love that.

John: We eventually- I think we wound up in the writers room just doing long rants and then taking the best sections of them.

Melissa: Yeah it was a lot of [unintelligible].

Jessica: Our poor writer's assistant, I think, basically just had to cut and paste into the script. Like remember that section three pages ago?

John: When we were really drunk, right. And this is also- like, we have to reestablish her villainy and make sure we understand that she is deserving of the horrible fate we’re about to bestow upon her by the fact we know that we’re gonna- this is also where the nicknames for Parker came up which was a lot of fun. You guys came up with a lovely bit where she just kept giving her horrible nicknames.

Jessica: That's right.

John: This office is like- this set is like the tardis; people are always coming out of doorways.

Chris: Yeah, yeah, no.

John: There's just way too much space in here.

Marc: Keep moving.

Jessica: I just have to interject that this is my favorite Christian costume of the year. Suit. I would put Christian in a suit every episode.

Marc: I would love to as well.

Chris: The Men in Black.

John: Yeah, the sort of Men in Black.

Jessica: I like it! Hair pulled back. Yup. It's good. That’s my secret agenda; I'm just putting it out there.

Marc: He's not a big fan of suits.

Jessica: No, he doesn't like them.

Chris: I have to say, I thought the interplay between all the characters in this one was probably my favorite of the season.

John: Really?

Chris: I mean everyone really- I really did- I thought all these little scenes of them just played great.

Marc: Well I love this, because this was a note where I think I called John and said, ‘You know, with Eliot and Parker when she's asking all these questions about conspiracy theories, how is Eliot’s tone?’ And all John said was, ‘big brother effing with little sister.’

Chris: Yes, that was it.

Marc: I was like, ‘Got it.’

John: That's it.

Chris: That's the model of this episode.

John: Because Parker’s grip on reality is- anything- there's a great description of Sherlock Holmes in the- I think in A Study in Scarlet where Watson writes down everything he knows. And it’s a- he knows he has no idea of the- Sherlock Holmes has no idea the earth goes around the sun, because it's not important to solving crime. And it amuses me that Parker, outside of crime, could be talked into believing pretty much anything.

Jessica: It's true. She's so savvy in some ways, and totally clueless and childish.

John: And particularly with these guys who she trusts. This lift, did we take this lift from the tango that eventually died?

Jessica: Yes!

Chris: I think it was.

Jessica: Oh the tango.

John: Use all the parts of the buffalo.

Chris: Which may live again folks.

John: Which may live again.

Melissa: Then we won't tell you what it was.

Jessica: Right.

Melissa: It's great trick that Apollo showed us, where using just a really strong magnet and lifting somebody's IT tag off-

John: Now was it- was a lot of fun, was finding the neodymium magnets and which- you know what you can do? They can tear off the hand of a young child. When I saw that on the web, I must've- I must've said that phrase at least twice a day for the rest of the year.

Melissa: They are very strong magnets.

Jessica: I think that's true.

John: I’m delighted by the fact that you can buy something on the web that can tear off the hand of a small child. The magnet that he's using is a neodymium magnet it's a very powerful- and that's something Apollo actually showed us in order to lift metal objects off people, it's incredibly strong.

Chris: And what's this location that we have as the Pentagon? This is an active building in Portland?

Marc: This is the active local political building in downtown Portland.

Chris: And they basically just emptied the local city government for us?

Marc: Yes.

Chris: They just sent everybody home for the day. ‘Go drink.’

Marc: And this was also used in the two-part season finale as well.

John: The finale, that's right.

Marc: The room that Eliot stole the badge is their assembly room. This is a fun scene. I think the two of them together was great.

John: And the camera man actually found a nice little beat here. He's just like, ‘I like to get punched.’

Jessica: I like it.

[Laughter]

John: There you go. And Eliot is always, like, this little beat of suspicion, this little-

Marc: I figured I'd go slow motion here just to try and sell it a little bit more.

Melissa: Well done.

Marc: But I love Beth Riesgraf’s performance in here, as soon as the video camera’s on her.

Melissa: Yes.

Marc: Wanting to take the spotlight a little.

Melissa: It was perfect.

Marc: And Beth Broderick just shoves her away. It was perfect. This was all ad-libbed.

Jessica: This is so local news, too.

[Laughter]

John: It's really cheesy.

Jessica: It’s very local news; just great.

John: And now there was a big thing- it was a big thing with the uniform, getting a uniform that would work on Tim. Because Tim’s hair is not a buzzcut, and the problem with television, if you buzzcut someone, you live with that look for the rest of the season.

Marc: Yes.

John: So we were actually gonna abandon the idea and then our consultant told us that the special ops guys who come back from Afghanistan keep both beard and longer hair and wear it with the uniform, so we gave him that particular uniform and it worked out just fine with the beret.

Chris: Fans of Taps may enjoy watching this little sequence.

John: Fans of Taps. Does he die in Taps?

Chris: I don't remember.

John: Does he die in Taps- or is this- could we say like we’ll do it in a way where this is like a continuity of Taps.

Jessica: This might be him.

John: This is a pseudo sequence-

Chris: Could this be his character from many years later?

John: You know, we never said where Nate went to school. We-

Jessica: That's true; there's a lot of material.

John: I like the implication that Nate Ford was actually the kid in Taps; that's kind of screwed up. Yeah, and then this was a tough one because we did not have the bag of money, right?

Chris: No.

Jessica: That's true.

John: So we had to establish- we were like, ‘Great, it’s information.’ And then we’re like, information is a great concept, it doesn't really work on television. And that's where we came up with a red file.

Melissa: Yes, put it in a red folder.

John: We spent a long time figuring out what the visual cue would be that the audience could track, that Marc did an excellent job of establishing to the audience, so the audience would understand: that's the MacGuffin, that's the axe, you know.

Marc: And ‘red file’ is said a couple times; they just keep hammering it.

John: Well what was Dean's rule? You never- the audience doesn't really hear it until the third time.

Jessica: Oh that's interesting; it's true.

Chris: And you get a nice little swagger, here, where it’s just all she cares about is the status in the Washington press core.

John: Yeah and- it's not all based on Wayne Gretzky's resentment of not being picked in [mumbled].

Chris: No, not at all.

[Laughter]

Chris: Not Wayne Gretzky's resentment at all.

John: You know Stanley Cup won't get you respect in the Washington press core. There's actually a great photo of him sitting there right in front of that wall, one of my favorite shots, just mad.

Marc: He was just in an armchair. ‘Let her run it.’

John: Oh, there was the other thing. We spent like a day, where I may have been drunk. We spent like, a day coming up with the sleazy stories that she would promo.

Jessica: That was fun.

Melissa: What’s going on at naptime?

Chris: Secret call girl ring.

John: What's killing you?

Jessica: Which of your appliances are trying to kill you? I have to say, at home it's currently my microwave. That's a different story. But they are actually trying to kill you sometimes.

[Laughter]

John: How’s hiatus treating you there?

Jessica: You know what? It's been rough and I'd rather not talk about it. It’s good if we go back to work.

Chris: For those keeping score, here's the evil speech of evil.

John: Evil speech of evil.

Melissa: This is a great evil speech of evil.

John: That's right.

Melissa: I love this speech.

Jessica: Yeah.

John: Yeah this- and this was kind of the- this was kind of an honest thing where we realized that this con wouldn't work. Where just because the people that are Wayne Gretzky's audience members believe that only bad people go to jail, and therefore would not be scared by this story.

Chris: Well, and also again, it’s like the idea of what- what kind of scandal is- would appeal to her? It’s sex; it’s salacious details. It would have to go to some different level than the violation of civil rights.

Marc: And will you tell the listeners what the significance is of Ren Field and Betsy Wetsy?

[Laughter]

John: Yeah well, Betsy Wetsy is just a doll name for her, and that's one of the nicknames. Renfield is Dracula’s insane human assistant who was- we meet, I believe, locked up in a mental institution.

Chris: Oh that's right, that's true.

John: That's where the nicknames come from.

Jessica: Obviously Marc, it is Dracula's evil assistant.

[Laughter]

Jessica: I'm sorry.

John: You know what? It's just-

Chris: I mean, everybody knew that.

John: It's just supposed to make sense to Beth Broderick's character; it's a little bonus point for the people paying attention.

Chris: He cut the Dune reference in to keep Renfield.

John: If you cut Dune, you keep Renfield.

Jessica: We decided to let that one go, yeah.

[Laughter]

John: And Gina really tees off nicely in here. And this is also an interesting idea that Nate’s not unaware of this role in the group is destructive. But he doesn't care when he does it.

Jessica: That's true.

Chris: Right.

John: And it's interesting this leads right into Top Hat where we see he's back in that position and it’s consuming him at the end of that episode. You know, where she- there's actually an interesting arc in the second season where Sophie's smarter than Nate, and is more personally developed. She understands she has to get her head together or she's gonna wind up dead. Where Nate just really spirals out in a more addictive style. Nice- nice zoom.

Chris: Nice bullet.

Marc: The ninja zoom!

Chris: And this, what a-

John: What a hit, oh man.

Jessica: That stunt was amazing.

Chris: This is- to talk about- talk about this stunt, Marc.

Melissa: This is amazing.

Chris: What happened?

John: Because when we saw this on dailies, we thought you killed her.

Jessica: We thought you killed the stunt woman.

Marc: I did too, and um, basically she took a hit really hard.

Chris: I mean, so the car actually hit the stunt woman.

Marc: Yeah, she jumped up a bit. Normally-

Chris: How fast was the car going?

Marc: Normally you wouldn't take that much impact, but she took a lot, she took a lot.

Chris: And was that her regular stunt double who does the flips?

Marc: No this was a different stunt girl that we had, someone who can-

John: Who then left the set right after and went on to live a perfectly healthy life in another state.

[Laughter]

Marc: No, she was fine. She got up; she was great.

John: Yeah.

Marc: The other problem is when we had Beth Riesgraf there, there was a pile of red ants that kept coming-

Jessica: Oh, that was-

Melissa: Climbing up on her, that was-

Marc: She was always like ‘Come on, shoot! The ants are getting me!’

Melissa: I remember she was trying to blow them away.

John: Now does anyone remember why he's a postman?

Jessica: Because postmen don't get noticed.

Melissa: Nobody notices them.

John: That's right, and what’s the classic G. K. Chesterton story that we were referencing?

Chris: The job depends on this.

Jessica: The postman?

John: The job- no

Chris: We've got five new writers out there who know the answer.

[Laughter]

John: They all know that we’re referencing G. K. Chesterton, The Invisible Man.

Chris: They're out there thumbing through Dune right now waiting for us.

[Laughter]

Melissa: Rieder and Glenn are going down.

John: No, one of the first mystery stories I ever read was a G. K. Chesterton mystery story where he figured out the killer was the postman because nobody pays attention to the postman. It's the only person who goes in and out of buildings without ever being noticed.

Jessica: Wow.

John: I’m fairly sure that's where- and this of course is Deep Throat. This is where we spiral off into Three of the Hunter,

Chris: This is Deep Throat folks.

Jessica: I know that one.

Chris: Our only note for this scene was: he must step out of shadows.

Jessica: It’s true.

John: We didn't care where the shadows were.

Jessica: I don't think we wrote the rest.

Chris: We wanted it to be a parking garage, I'll say that right now. But if it couldn't be a parking garage, it was like: he must step out of shadows.

Marc: I looked, I tried to find a parking garage, I swear.

[Laughter]

Marc: It was gonna be a company move; I couldn't do it.

John: No, I understand.

Marc: This is actually in the basement of the-

Chris: No, it works great.

John: It does work great.

Marc: -assembly building.

John: Especially with the elevator, with the cage door. I always love those.

Chris: You couldn't oversmoke this, right, there's smoke, right?

John: I think Tim’s actually on fire right now.

[Laughter]

John: Generating so much smoke in this scene. This is where we spiral- I remember- I think we spun up the virally evolving toxin, and there was that guy I went into that long bit and you looked at me like, ‘Wait, is that real?’ ‘No no, it's not real at all, don't worry about it.’

Marc: I think we did this- we did this scene, we did her scene outside of the assembly room, we did the scene of her breaking into the office; I think that was all one day in the same building.

John: Wow.

Chris: Wow. Boy that's a lot.

Jessica: And how many days did you guys have to shoot this? Was it seven?

Marc: Seven days.

John: It’s seven days. Most network shows are 8-12.

Chris: Yes.

John: Most 8; some 12; us 7, occasionally 6½.

Melissa: We don't mess around.

Marc: And the guy who shoots second-unit was busy.

Melissa: It was rather busy, shooting first-unit.

John: Right, yeah.

Jessica: Oh right, yeah.

Chris: By the way, I think the- you filled in on this one also. We should note that, I think-

John: You had like a week prep on this; there was cancellation-

Marc: Yes. Yes.

Melissa: This one we jumped on.

John: And did a great job because this is visually very- this is very layered and it's very complex. And- I'm sorry, that outfit kills me every time.

Marc: It's funny, because everybody got to play a part in this except our grifter, Sophie, who usually gets to play characters.

Jessica: That's true, yeah.

John: Yeah, that's the idea. And also the idea was to, you know, also start easing her out of that, you know, she's only around really for two more episodes of this season.

Marc: And here again is another mention of the red file.

John: There you go, flashback. And the murderous, besuited Eliot. Tim really dug in on the paranoia here. He really-

Marc: Yeah.

John: That's a menacing, scary look.

Marc: Yes, it was a lot of lighting.

[Laughter]

John: The shadow’s on the wall; that's very nice.

Marc: God bless Dave Connell.

John: And then back to the apartment of crazy.

Marc: Yes, and more teasing the little sister.

Jessica: That was so fun.

Chris: It's great her leaning up against him, too.

John: It was interesting to watch. Like I said, the pairings that wound up happening this year evolved. And not just because we wound up losing Gina for the back half of the season, but the Parker/Eliot thing got really interesting. And then the Eliot/Sophie thing got really interesting early in the season, that sort of, you know, now that he's forgiven her he's actually a confidant because he's the only one whose overawed by Nate, you know?

Jessica: That's true. I think it's funny, because last season I think-

John: Is that a good look, too, by the way, Reider?

Jessica: No, I actually didn't hear the last thing you said because I was kind of focusing on that, but the suit it- just kidding, I always listen to John when he talks. Otherwise he threatens to fire me. But I think-

John: Rat.

[Laughter]

Jessica: Or sometimes he actually does it; I just ignore it. But the first season it was a lot of, like, building Parker and Hardison’s relationship and like, we really love that and really enjoyed writing it. But this here was really fun to do more of the brother/sister stuff between Parker and Eliot and even like Eliot and Hardison. And that was, like, the most fun thing in my opinion to write, cause that was just so family-like, you know, a dysfunctional, funny, loving family.

John: And also Chris and Aldis are kind of like brothers in Portland. Like, hanging out with them, that relationship is very real.

Chris: And Beth, too.

Marc: I love this little beat of - just jumping in - of just, Hardison explains everything he's doing and just saying ‘you doubt me? Look at this.’ And it's happening in real time.

Chris: I like- this was a very numbers thing. You came up with this.

John: I came up with this because I have friends who are journalists and, you know, one of the things they talk about, is the fact that every journalist cultivates like 3 or 4 good sources on the hill, but the overreliance on those sources means they can never call them on their bullshit. And that turned into this kind of-

Chris: But it's nice; the math part I like, too.

John: The math part is nice, too. It's a nice bit of physics bullshit.

Chris: Math porn.

John: Math porn.

[Laughter]

Chris: We don't do a lot of that.

John: Project Destiny, by the way, is a lovely callback to The Core, the movie I did in 2003.

Jessica: More quizzing.

Chris: Available on Amazon.

John: Available on Amazon. I just wanna say, a lot of science fiction writers like John Scalzi and Joss Whedon, they really like it.

[Laughter]

John: And, you know, it comes highly recommended. No. This is- the stripper scene is ridiculously funny and is really one of the better flashbacks. Just- those flashes are tough, because they have to be one shot, really, and they have to convey an enormous amount of information as fast as possible.

Chris: Now here, this is- we’re getting into the paranoia sequence. This is great, I love this.

Melissa: Just the water everywhere.

Marc: This was, yeah, we did everything; every time she sees water, we just went to slow motion.

Chris: It’s so well done. It’s- it's all- just you saw that the choice of water really plays out here. Because it's everywhere.

John: Where did you get that fish tank? Who has that fish tank?

[Laughter]

Marc: No, I requested the fish tank.

John: Who has that fishtank in their office? Nobody has that fish tank in their office.

Marc: That was the one request I had from the art department.

John: And the whole idea is they're basically breaking this woman's sanity, which is-

Jessica: That’s fun.

John: But she made a nice older man try to commit suicide, and she’s deserving of it.

Melissa: She deserves it.

Jessica: That was one of the challenges, I think, of spending so much time with her, is that we had to keep reestablishing her villainy so that we didn't feel bad for her. Cause like, when you spend so much time with her, we didn't want to make her into the victim.

John: Particularly Beth Broderick, who is a particularly sympathetic charming actor, we didn't want to-

Chris: Well it's a testament to her, because it's true, a lot of these ones you want, sort of, physically imposing bad guy when you're putting them in in this kind of Saw-like trap.

[Laughter]

Jessica: Yeah, totally.

Chris: Seriously.

John: ‘This is Jigsaw. In front of you is a briefcase full of money orders.’ What no- not saw what are you doing?

Chris: A kind of psychological Saw.

John: Yeah, but it's interesting, this is the one of the rules we have, which is things can't just go randomly wrong, they have to go wrong because of either something we've set up that is an unintended consequence, or they've succeeded too well. And Marc where did you get all these amazing vehicles?

Marc: This was the local national guard.

[Laughter]

Marc: Again, Portland opening up its doors to us.

Chris: This is a product of our- of that trip we took to scout locations, which if our wives were listening right now, was to see things like this and not to drink.

[Laughter]

Marc: Yes it was.

Chris: Not to go to strip clubs.

John: Exactly.

Marc: And they gave us everything.

Chris: So you see-

John: So cut the silent treatment, ok? It's right there!

Chris: So this is why we went, so we can have this sequence, so now you know.

Jessica: Chris how's your hiatus going?

[Laughter]

John: So yes, this was the local national guard; all their vehicles, all their guys in uniform.

Marc: Personnel, guys in uniform, all their vehicles. They basically do all the repairs on vehicles that are used to also be a big firing range where they test weapons as well. That's why they kept saying ‘Don't go up the hill.’

John: Really?

Marc: ‘Don't go up the hill, there's a couple things that haven't gone off yet.’

Chris: This is a great shot right here.

John: Yeah this we couldn't have built this, probably.

[Laughter]

Chris: No.

Jessica: Probably not.

John: I'm thinking on seven days we couldn't have put that together. That's a good looking bunker. And there's Beth Broderick charging the fence like a trooper.

Marc: Charging the fence. We do have a stunt person in this shot, but we used her just in the one little brief shot. Beth wanted to go all the way over. I'm like ‘No no, I've got a lot more work to do with you.’

Melissa: I remember writing this and we thought once she throws the purse over, that's commitment. If a woman throws a purse over a fence.

Chris: Oh wow, that's her folks!

Marc: Yeah, cause it was written, I think, just tossing the purse and then she's over. I'm like, ‘No, we gotta carry this over.’

John: Yeah no, that's Beth Broderick on the barbed wire, yeah.

Jessica: In those heels, that's moxie. That's not hubris, that's moxie.

John: ‘That's not hubris, that's moxie.’ Nicely done. And now yes, cause that's just a poorly thought out idea.

[Laughter]

John: But she's driven by paranoia and madness and so-. And Sophie has seen the wages of her obsession.

[Laughter]

John: This is a- this is also a pattern that we wind up, which is Hardison in trouble and everyone kind of enjoying yanking him around a little. Because he's usually on the other- and I think we say this actually in this one. It’s like, ‘Not so funny being on the other side.’

Jessica: Yup.

John: Yup and the parallel interrogations. This was a ton of fun.

Jessica: This was my- I think these were my favorite scenes of the whole episode. Just Hardison playing around with this guy. I don’t- I just love this whole part; writing it was fun, watching it was fun.

Chris: Oh, I love this line here about ‘This is not a planned community’? That was perfect.

[Laughter]

Marc: ‘She's a freak, man.’

John: No. And these- and this is interesting. This should be taken from The Closer. This is like- this shooting style is dead serious. No- and these are- and these are actual soldiers right? One of them was.

Marc: No no, these guys are both actors.

John: The gate guys are-

Marc: The gate guys are, yeah.

John: Actual soldiers, right.

Marc: And the guys in the hallways.

John: Yeah. And she's gone and the problem is, and this is another thing, again, when you've got a five hander, it’s like who’s in the game, who’s out of the game at any given point. Who’s dead and who's been blown. Yeah, it's not fun. You know, there's a lot of shows with one lead and four sidekicks, and having like really five-hander is-

Jessica: Those lucky bastards

John: Like yeah, those lucky bastards.

Chris: And another one of our almost real time endings. I’d say this-

John: I’d say this is the pattern of the second season, that we really got into about episode three or four. Acts four and five are almost real time.

Chris: Almost always really time.

John: Act four in particular.

Chris: Sometimes 3, 4, and 5.

John: Yeah, act 4 in particular.

Marc: Here's where Eliot gets to toy with Hardison.

Melissa: Yes, just so much fun.

John: Yeah, just so much frustration and rage. Just the little shit eating grin there, yeah, because it's usually the other side. Cause there's nothing funnier than Chris Kane annoyed. Chris Kane annoyed is money.

Chris: And that was- she just did that, right?

Jessica: Yeah, that was not scripted.

Chris: A little found moment.

John: She just found a gas mask. And I like she's completely oblivious to the things that might go horribly wrong. For Parker this is actually amusing.

Melissa: It’s fun.

Jessica: It's all a game, yeah.

John: I also love, again, both establishing her mania and her villainy here, that she will sell out humanity for a chance to be in the bunkers.

Marc: Right.

John: Even in this moment, she's a weasel. Yeah, we’ll have no mercy for her.

Jessica: Yup, it’s true.

John: And I also like- it was a great job by makeup and wardrobe. But particularly make-up and hair on this one, to slowly spool out her look-

Jessica: Yeah.

John: -over the course of the act.

Marc: And keeping the continuity. This is where I said to Aldis, I said ‘This is your moment where you get to be Samuel L. Jackson for a moment.’

John: Oh when he flips, when he's got the information. Yeah we saw these in dailies actually- that look up right there-

Jessica: Yeah, that was-

John: That was like, ‘woah, what the hell is that?’

Jessica: ‘What’d you do to Aldis?!’

Marc: Yeah, I said ‘You've gone from crazy weird scared paranoid, give us a good-’

John: ‘I want you to reach into the bag and take out a wallet.’ No, he's really- and the slam, the hand slam was great. This- and this guy did a really good job. Now these- this whole act- and this was- But again, we’re talking about sort of the things you find in second season, is you go from making 13 little perfect ones, to learning how to make 100. Is you really start finding out it’s ok to just live in one scene for an act, if it's a really entertaining scene.

Chris: In one set. Yeah, like when we broke it, it was like act 4 is the army. That’s where we’re living.

John: And really only one sequence - interrogation and rescue. That’s it; there's nothing else really going on. In the first season we found this very static, and just being able to trust the actors and the characters now, this is a ridiculously entertaining act.

Jessica: Yeah.

Marc: I mean, look at all the vehicles they gave us, it's unbelievable.

John: That's your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentleman. Helping out making Leverage.

Jessica: Thank you for that.

John: Also, there's a little throw away there where Sophie explains that, you know, people don't look at generals in the eyes, they just look at the ranks. It's a little-

Marc: Yeah, the stars and bars.

John: There's a little hint to Sophie's background there, sorta background that- Gina had come up with that, we’re kind of seeding through. And these guys trying to decide which ones, who’s crazy. Oh, and the whole bit about them signing the nukes, what had been the news right before was the fact that they had accidentally flown those nukes. Remember that story? The Air Force had lost track of four nukes for a couple days. And we were like, well we could make up something ridiculous or just take the incredibly terrifying thing that's on CNN.

Jessica: Right, yup. Used what they actually did.

John: We wind up making- we have we wound up making up not a lot on this show.

Chris: No yeah, we try- We find ridiculous things, we try to work it in.

Jessica: It’s true.

John: Yeah.

Chris: Whenever possible.

Melissa: At times we have to scale back reality and say people aren't gonna buy this, it's too crazy.

Jessica: Totally true.

John: Absolutely. No, there's a lot of- there’s a couple- couple times where people go ‘Eh, it’s a little much’ is always the real thing.

Jessica: Yeah, it's never something we've made up.

John: The stuff we've just bullshitted, they always buy.

Jessica: Totally true.

Chris: And this is a good example of sometimes people say, ‘Well how would they get away with this or, you know, get past levels of security?’ Well in this one, they get just enough out of the perimeter, and then their cover is blown pretty quickly. So, you know, we’re not saying that the entire US Army is duped by our guys on the fly.

John: But a lot of that's- A lot of it is, in this season, is establishing all they really ever buy themselves is 15 seconds. But the stuff they can pull off in that 15 seconds is why they are who they are, you know. And that's the thing, is at this point, you know, he knows they gotta get the hell out of dodge, and that's why they split up, and that’s why they’re getting ready to do the blow off. The cackle bladder.

Marc: And they have a great escape vehicle.

John: They have a fantastic Hyundai, which really delivers for us here.

Melissa: Which Tim always really drives hard.

Chris: Do they give us product integration in the commentaries?

John: They did actually, we get an extra 20 grand for saying how bad ass this car is.

Jessica: Every time we say it, they give us money.

John: Yeah I like it. Actually it's a pretty- and boom!

Chris: And Marc, I think I remember you called saying, ‘I was just checking to see if we blast through the gate?’

Jessica: Yeah that was yours, was it?

John: Who were you talking to?

[Laughter]

Marc: Yeah exactly I was like, ‘Ok, sorry.’

John: We’re usually calling every week insisting on something exploding, I don't know why you're calling us to ask if they can go through a gate.

Jessica: Can the gate then explode after they drive through? Because that’d be even better.

John: And basically that's the whole idea, is they've only bought 15 seconds, the con is unraveling, and how fast can they play it out?

Chris: Yeah.

Marc: I like the delivery that these- they give in these little beats, little banter back and forth, and Tim’s just, ‘Mhm, yeah, mm.’

John: Yeah, he's really digging in. And she's even more unraveled. No, it’s lovely.

Jessica: I like this part how, like, usually with our villains; we sort of lead them through to the end. But this one, like, we just spun her up so tight that, like, the fifth act is almost just her spinning out on her own, you know?

John: It's really just getting out of her way at this point.

Chris: And was this-? Just for the tech geeks. Is this a steadi-?

Marc: There's that red file reference.

Chris: Was this a steadicam or-?

Marc: Yeah that was steadicam. Steadicam and 360.

John: Oh the- him and- [laughs] this is actually a prelude to something else in the season finale, but Eliot- Eliot in various iterations; the writers were playing around with how menacing he needed to be when he came out of the bathroom. And then we realized you know what? No matter who you are, coming out of a bathroom with rubber gloves is just never a good thing.

Jessica: That's true.

John: Nobody ever comes out of a bathroom with rubber gloves to help you.

Marc: And you can barely see it but we also line the walls with plastic as well.

John: Yeah, you just know that's a bad thing. And the fact that he actually- they sold that, too. That was a big comedy beat.

Chris: He got maced.

Jessica: That was fun.

John: Now this is great, and this is what's amazing, is that this is what's a big chunk of stuff with none of our actors.

Marc: Yes.

John: And all the local Portland actors were great cause that guy’s local. Is the newscaster that she replaces, is she a newscaster or is she a local actress?

Marc: No, she's a local actress.

John: Yeah, and she's got a great look, she looks exactly like that sort of financial, you know, on Wayne Gretzky's network that kind of financial, you know-

Chris: Yes, Versus I think is the network. The hockey channel?

[Laughter]

Jessica: Yeah, the financial girl on Versus.

John: The financial girl on Versus. Exactly. I love- we're gonna get sued by Wayne Gretzky and have no way to explain this. Like why? Got no idea. How do we-

Chris: And another thing to track here that is great, was the pill bottle, because the whole slander of our victim in the beginning was that he had taken antidepressants and was totally out of context and getting her to hold this pill bottle was a great part of the con.

John: Though I'll tell you, that was one of those moments where I realize you're 40, when we originally had the dad be a Vietnam vet. And then we did the math on driving the bus and we realized ‘oh shit, it’s Desert Storm. Oh man.’

Jessica: Right, yup that’s true.

John: And now, yes, just to taking the water with her coat. And by the way, I'd like to say uncle tenuse is coming to town. There we go! Just for the 60 year old comedy fans, that reference.

Jessica: Spit take.

John: Nice spit tak;, classic spit take.

Marc: She was great. She had another bit in the office, but it got cut for time.

John: It got cut. Oh, she was Beth's assistant. She was Beth Broderick's assistant, right?

Jessica: Right.

John: Yes, and then the crazy footage. And it was interesting again, that- Look, her eyes are tearing up; that's great.

Marc: And she did this over and over and over again.

John: But that was- it’s like Knights Tale with jousting. We had to establish what the rules were. I always admire the fact that Knights Tale explains what joint is very effectively and very efficiently.

Melissa: Right.

John: And we had to explain what the rules of her expose style are early, so that we can then have a framework for the audience to see how each beat is falling into place.

Chris: This is how she's brought down.

John: And that's just crazy and screwed up.

[Laughter]

John: I like the fauxhawk on the second cop; I didn't notice that the first time around. And then Beth Broderick taking the hit, I believe.

Marc: We did get a stunt person just for the fall to the ground.

[Laughter]

Marc: There.

Chris: Wow.

John: Oh she's spun out- and now this is a great improv by the guy. Or you came up with this on the set, right? The- the chair push?

Marc: Yeah, I wanted to keep the whole idea that they are on live, he sees the light and he just pushes the girl in front of the camera, like, ‘go, go, go!’

Jessica: Nice.

John: And also, nice choice here, where this little gloat that she puts on right here about the destruction of probably someone she hates is nice. ‘I’m Monica freaking Hunter!’

[Laughter]

John: It is. It’s Network Spock welded onto Three Days of the Condor.

Chris: Yeah it’s the whatever your local 70’s paranoia.

Marc: And that's our local Portland newscaster, Joe.

John: Parallax view too. And that's our local anchor, that's right. There you go, redemption. The end, and the bad guy has suffered, brought down by their own sin. And America can go to bed secure that bad people are punished and good people triumph. And that's the way the world is; they should sleep better.

Jessica: Obviously.

Chris: There's a nice little ending. Who’s idea is it that Eliot‘s cooking here? To carry that forward from season one? Was that- I don't think that was in the script, was it?

Jessica: I don't know.

Melissa: It was in the script, and we followed it through a little with the pitch in the- I think one of the ones where he's like ‘I cook all my own food.’ We were trying to follow this through.

Chris: Grow my own food, that's true.

Melissa: We’re trying to make this very- that’s who Eliot is.

John: And you know, it's interesting, this- We wound up shooting up here in the apartment more than down by where we installed all those expensive monitors. Cause this was just a really kind of fun, intimate space.

Chris: Well this is also sort of the family area, when you're around the table on the bar.

John: Yeah, Eliot’s actually cooking a lot this season. He's kinda going back and forth; he's behind that counter a lot. The fact that they’re- it was kind of a running gag, we never really landed on it, but it goes through the season Nate never has control of his refrigerator again once the season begins.

Jessica: It’s true.

John: They're always stealing his food. Nate- there's a running gag where Eliot’s always icing up from the ice in his fridge.

Melissa: Right.

Jessica: Yeah.

John: This is a nice beat.

Chris: A nice moment between-

John: Where he admits he was a screw up, and she kind of admits that he was a screw up also. Yeah, it was hard. I mean, you really need to establish they can’t have a romantic relationship yet. They're not-

Jessica: Not there.

John: Not there, yeah. And that was the hard won wisdom of first season. They really land the sort of friends and something more beat at the end of this.

Jessica: I loved that throughout the season. I think, you know, that gets sprinkled in a lot and I’ve- you know, them as friends is just- I don't know; it seems so comfortable and there's so much there.

John: Two lonely people who wandered the earth, you know. There's very few people they've actually connected with over the course of their lives, so.

Jessica: I love these final moments with them.

John: There was a lot of these this season, with the, like, little character beat codas.

Chris: There's one between her and Eliot in Top Hat-

John: The next episode.

Chris: -with the same vantage point.

John: 207 there's- yeah.

John: Yeah and again it's- a lot of it is - it’s ok to just hang out with the characters. That was a lot of fun. Anything you wanna say before we take off?

Marc: No, I just- it's great to be able to direct a great script, so thank you girls.

Jessica: Thank you; it was fun.

Melissa: Our pleasure.

#Leverage #Leverage TNT #Leverage Audio Commentary Transcripts #Audio Commentary #Transcripts #Parker #Alec Hardison #Eliot Spencer #Nate Ford #Sophie Deveraux #Season 2 #Episode 5 #Season 2 Episode 5 #The Three Days of the Hunter Job

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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X-Men Evolution Reviewcaps: Rogue Recruit

My series long look at X-Men Evolution rolls on as eveyrone’s favorite goth reworking of everyone’s faviorite southerner debuts. The X-Men and Mystique race to bring Rogue to her side after her powers accidently coma a boy. The X-Men try the usual compasion.. while Mystique just tries attempted murder and gaslighting while wearing a wolverine costume. Mother of the year! Meanwhile Kurt tries to get Kitty to likes him, Kitty does something profoundly stupid to prove Wolverine wrong that ends up proving him right, and Wolverine grumbles and is kind of an asshole. Well at least one of those is just an average tuesday for him. We’re going Rogue, Rogue, Rouuuuggeeee under the cut.

Onto episode 3 though this time I did actually get around to watching a few in a row, so while i’m not MILES ahead of this episode, I do have a better sense of where things are going and where this falls in line with everything else. And this is a big one as it’s the debut of Rogue, easily one of the shows more popular characters from what I can tell and it’s no real suprise. In most incarnations Rogue is a huge fan faviorite, with a tragic but very useful and intresting power that makes for good stories.. and okay in the comics and carton she’s also fanservice incarnate, but that’s not exactly a factor here so moving on. And here is no exception as naturally, with her goth apperance, and general moody outsider atittude, she was a huge hit with goths and emos one and all! And eveyrone really, it’s a good take despite being almost the oppsite of the angsty but still fesity and funloving 90′s version.. and the ironic part is BOTH are entirely accurate to the comics. And yes like the last time about to dive a bit into the comics.. but unlike the shiar thing this is throughly relevant to how the character is portrayed here and a neat history less for those not in the know, so buckle up.

What’s intresting is both adapt the character.. just at vastly diffrent points. See most probably think of Rogue as she is now: Bubbly, Scrappy and able to throw a man into a mountain, if still understandably mopey about not being able to touch anyone, thoguh that issues come and gone a dozen times by now because comic books can’t resisit undoing things to meet fan expectations despite most dedicated fans wanting some fucking change once in a while.

But that’s due to years and years of character development: When Chris Claremont first intorduced her, in an avengers annual no less.. she was a villain, a member of her adopted mother Mystique’s brotherhood of evil mutants, and unlike here, we’ll get into that, she was a fully willing member at first, gleefuly following her mama’s orders to drain the powers of one of Mystique’s most hated enemy: Carol Danvers, aka Ms Marvel and the future Captain Marvel. Yeah this one takes some explination for you non-comic fans, and even some of you comic fans who might not get how one of the more iconic x-men villians has personal beef with Carol.... granted i’m pretty sure half the marvel unvierse has personal beef with Carol in present day after Civil War II, especially tony for murdering him, but story for another time. It’s actually pretty simple: Chris Claremont was writer of x-men for a decade and easily the most important x-men writer period who created a ton of iconic and well loved characters and shaped Cyclops, Charles Xavier and Magneto into the characters fans know and love among others. And around the same time as his x-men run’s early years in the late 70′s, he was writer of Ms Marvel, and took Carol from a half hearted girl counterpart to the first Captain Marvel with a wonky two identties gimmick, into the asskicker and feminist icon we know today. As such Mystique debuted there and when that book ended, Claremont slided her over to the x-men and the rest is history. And this wasn’t an isolated incident: Sabertooth, aka wolverine’s arch enemy and one of hte more famous mutant baddies, debuted in, of all comic books, iron fist, with Claremont bringing him back years and years later as part of the mutant massacreing Marauders, while Misty Knight and Coleen Wing were breifly supporting characters in x-men inbetween Iron Fist’s cancelation and Iron Fist becoming bros for life with Luke Cage and forming the heroes for hire, bringing the two along as supporting characters in the process. It’s a process writers have contiuned to this day; Bringing a character from other unrelated comics in to keep them out of comic book limbo and one i’m in favor of: as long as their writing the character well and they fit why not. And like her momma Rogue DIDN’T debut in the pages of X-Men, but in Avengers Annual #10. And no Chris wasn’t writing avengers, though it wasn’t really unusual for another writer to hop in for one annual to pinch hit for the regular writer for whatever reason, with Chris Claremont being one of the few who wrote every annual himself for his run on X-Men. What was is he did so for one reason and one only: To get justice for Carol Danvers after a recent story had screwed her over BAD. Two things before we start: If you haven’t heard of this debacle, my apologizes and rape and abuse trigger warning. If you want to skip this portion of the review just ctrl f HIGHER FASTER FURTHER MORE and you can move right on past this clusterfuck and the aftermath. Anyways in Avengers 200, Carol gave birth via terribly contrived mystical pregnancy to Marcus, son of avengers foe and sometimes ally immortus and creepy asshole. Marcus is revaled to have brainwashed carol into loving him , and making love to him so yeah he raped her physically and mentally and the story ends iwth the “Happy ending” of him whisking carol away with him to his limbo dimension while everyone else is fine with it despite him admitting to using the “subtle manipulations of his machines” to make her love him. So yeah, he kidnapped carol to his limbo dimension, mind controlled her, had his way with her, had her give birth to him so he could come to earth then took her back with him.. and not ONE avenger raced a hand, shield, repulsor or hammer, and yes the big three avengers were very much present for this debacle and very much cuplable. IT’s a throughly disgusting hideous story i’ve only see played out thanks to Linkara, long time comics reviewer and all around sweet guy, reviewing it, though with the panels show to show yes all of this is there, and have no intrest in EVER reaading this vile piece of garbage. If your still curious or after just hearing about it want to see it torn to shreds, here’s the review for you.

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It’s terrible for a variety of other reasons. Naturally Chris, who’d put a LOT of time into building up carol and like any creator who sees their character throughly dragged through the mud, was PISSSSSED.. and so were fans who rightly rioted at the issue, so editorial was more than happy to let one of thier biggest draws right the ship and also allowed him to take Carol back home to the x-men with him. As for how that happened, after Rogue stole her powers, Carol fell in a river and was rescued by her best friend and fellow Chris Claremont alumnis Spider-Woman, Jessica Drew, who brought her to the x-men since she was a friend of theirs, where charles fixed her mind, though Carol was left with no emotoins attached to most of her memoreis. When the avengers, after scrapping with the brotherhood in some neat bouts, came to visit their friend.. Carol instead laid into them for letting Marcus take her, poitned out just how fucked up it was as well as how, and this actually happend, the avengers downplayed her concerns and tried to get her to connect with her demon spawn instead of worrying about her while others made jokes. Basically just one long page of chris claremont unloading on the issue and Carol unloading on her former friends before staying with her new ones. And to the issues credit the rest of the team. .takes it, is utterly devistated to realize what they’d done, and reflects on if they can ever make up for it or if they even deserve forgivness. She would eventually, mostly because people wanted to forget this story after that for good reason, but it’s still a damn cathartic moment. HIGHER FASTER FURTHER MORE.. so yeah Carol was now with the x-men, who did end up meeting Rogue during a mission to wipe themselves from goverment records for good reason. And to his credit Chris not only used Carol’s lack of emotions tied to her memories for good drama but gave carol a huge power upgrade as binary, if your curious as to where her glowy headed distctrugion of an entire starfleet in her solo film came from. So okay after about a paragraph not really involving her we get into why this is so important to rogue’s character; Rogue now had Carol’s personality and memories trapped in her head and her mind was blurring between them, something this episode would use, and was falling apart as a result and with her moms Mystique and Destiny unable to help a despearate scared and repetnant Rogue went to her last hope for help saving her sanity and her soul: The X-Men. The X-Men, having both fought her and bonded heavily with her victim, naturally were less than pleased about this, and Colossus outright attacked Rogue before charles stopped him, not unresonably given the circumstances. However after talking with her and realizing both how badly she needed her help and how genuinely she wanted to change, going from a brat in love with her own power to a scared young woman terrified of what she’d done and what she was becoming, decided to roll her into the x-men. And everyone revolted: Carol was understadanbly piss and famously punched Rogue into orbit, while the rest of the x-men threatned to walk. Charles however refused to back down and gave one of his finest speech and one of the characters best moments:

To me this is Charles Xavier, a man who will accept and try to help anyone, regardless of their past, because it’s the right thing.. because they deserve a chance and he will GIVE IT TO THEM. It’s a powerful and well done moment and the x-men relucntantly take her in as a result, eventually seeing her as family as she proved herself. So yeah THAT is why I took so long to get here and went through ALL of this: Because this series adapts this period in it’s own unique way, taking out Rogue’s outright villiany mind, but leaving in her being a moodier, more closed off person who is constantly afraid of once again stealing someone’s very soul. She still has her confidence, as idd the comics version, it’s just tempered by a wall she puts up between her and everyone else that wasn’t as present by the time the 90′s series adapted her. And there are other bits i’ll get to as we go and in future episodes, I just felt this story was important as it colors Rogue’s journey here, hence me taking a good portion of the review to dive into it and even then I have more bits to give as we go. So with all this exposition that’s probably lost ya’s out of the way, this is Rogue Recurit. Pitter Patter. We open in the mighty Missisipi, neighbor to my home state of missouri and home of the deep fried shoe. No wait that’s connecticut my mistake. We meet our unfriendly neighborhood goth moping outside, not really enjoying the dance and probably only having gone because her mom told her not to.. Destiny not Myistque mind. More on that in a minute. She’s being watched by two guys: Cody, who if you know your x-men lore you know this never ends well for him, and his friend uh.. let me check my noootes (Checks wiki while shuffling papers to simulate notes) Ty. Turns out Cody’s been starring at Rogue all week but dosen’t even know her name which to be fair, minus the muscles and being on the football team, is pretty much me in high school and is just as pathetic in 2000 as it would be from 2007-2010. I mean if I just went for it I PROBABLY would’ve been shot down, and the one time I did I indeed was, but at least I would of went for it and maybe learned more about women and not been such a dipstick for the next decade.... “sigh”

Point is Cody awkwardly asks Rogue to dance but like most cool kids, including the kind I hung out with in high school and tended to crush on, she’s there to look COOOOL and mope a bit.. and again tell her mom she can’t tell her what to dooooo. But Cody’s awkwardness and sincerty gets her to say why not, he means well.. a little pity dance can’t hurt. So they dance and then Ty causes this entire episode, yes really, by shoving Cody into her because they happen to be dancing seperatley because Cody’s a goddman gentleman ya maroon, and is respecting her personal space, and IS actually hitting it off as she seems to be enjoying herself. Had he not done that, he at least MIGHT have gottne a kiss before what happens next.. during the fall he accidently touches her skin, which had been mostly covered up and goes into a Coma while Rogue is now stuck in a stupor wondering who she is. Yeah as I omniously hinted at Cody is the guy in every version of Rogue’s origin story, including I assume the 2000′s one where until doing some research i.e. going to wikipedia then letterboxd to find out if his name was given, who she has her first kiss with.. and thus the poor sap who first gets hit with her absorbtion power and traumtizes her. And here it’s no exception. Cue the opening credits. Which despite this setting up the slow arc of Rogue joining htem.. has Rogue in an x-men uniform with the team. Not that the arc is particuarlly subtle about hiding it, we’ll get there but still. After the credits Ty is wondering what she did to him.. even though she barely moved when he fell on her, and Ty shoved Cody into him, and for all we know Cody just went into shock. He also easily could’ve fell on an epi pen or something.. I mean she could’ve stabbed him wiht one but that’s more of a candian thing than a southern thing.

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So Ty, who while understandably given Mutants aren’t public and Rogue herself had no idea still casued this by shoving Cody into her without thinking about if either had any medical conditions or if Rogue you know WANTED to phsyically touch him that soon, and yes diffrent standards and all but even 2000 this was stupid, decides to mess up things further when Rogue tries to run and tries to block the way. Now granted I get it on some level: For all he knows Rogue drugged his best friend and she needs to be there anyway to answer the police.. but counter arguments 1) She may have a record (She dosen’t) and while not having DONE anything may get brought up on charges anyway. 2) If she DID drug cody with a needle of something WHO SAYS SHE DOSEN’T HAVE MORE AND CAN’T JUST STAB YOUR DUMB ASS 3) she’s got a VERY distinctinve haircut with a white streak, wears a very specific outfit she probably son’t have time to change out of , and everyone there saw her. YOu can tell the police what she looks like. They will find her. No instead she tries blocking her and she football tackles him.. because Cody is a footballer because this show, much like Tommy Wiseau, weirdly loves football. though unlike the room most instances it comes up, the first episode, cody being one here, and a future episode where the objective is to get the ball from your opposing x-man, all make some sense versus “Let’s go put on tuxes and play football because that’s what friends do huhhhhh?”. But yeah THIS is why I brought up Rogue’s past: becuase this episode heavily uses the part where she had Carol’s memories.. and would occasionally get messed up between who she was, with one issue having her lapse into being carol to rescue her ex from capture, which he dosen’t take well for obvious reasons. This episode uses something similar with Rogue’s brain a bit fried from taking in cody and thus not being sure where she ends and he begins, which is a very intresting idea and was a cool wya to go about having her powers activate. I mean sure it’s the second time in two episodes a mutant’s powers have traumatically awkaned. but both were distinct and interesting and it’s a staple of x-men stories to have this sort of thing happen.

Meanwhile Rogue’s caretaker Destiny, who we flashed to a bit during the awakening of her powers, calls Mystque. I mentioned her ealrlier in jokes but for those unaware both here and in the comics Destiny is a pre cog, although sh’es an elderly woman in the comics, or rather was having died decades ago in real life, meaning she can see the fuuuuttureeeeee. And thus she saw what was about to happen but couldn’t prevent it. Mysitque is apparently railing her out on the other end over it.. and not in the fun way they usuallly do. And that’’s not crude ininsiuation.. in the comics.. Chris Claremont wrote them as a gay couple and only didn’t explicltly say anything because Jim Shooter was a homophobic moron, even if he had the common sense to stop the kitty and colossus thing because dear god why was that a thing, chaste or not dear god why. The point is Chris fully meant both as lesbians though Mysitque became bisexual under other writers, and the two finally kissed on panel, in flashback last year and Msique wanting her revivied, the x-men can come back from the dead now in comics and Xavier and Magneto refusing for complicated reasons I won’t go into here, and Desitny herself knowing they might not and telling her to burn Krakoa to the ground if she dosen’t get to come back is a major bubbling plot point that got set up earlier this year. So yeah I fully see them as a couple here. ANd yes mistue was with her even as an old lady, it’s really sweet and misty is also immortal so they’ve been together a long time. Also fun fact you probably dind’t need to know: Chris Claremont FULLY inteded to have it turn out the two were Nightcrawler’s biological parents. Mistque is a shapeshifter and can become a man after all.. I like to think that’s what happened here since thankfully the show decided NOT to go with the “kurt’s dad is a demon” explination from around the same time.. and yes that’s a thing and yes it’s fucking stupid and only ever worked under jason aaron who made Kurt’s dad into a pirate who raided heaven and lead to the x-men pirating up alongside a about to come back from the dead nightcrawler to kick his ass. And yes much like the misqute shapeshifting a dick to make a child being shopped around, this actually happened. Comics are awesome sometimes and I genuinely wish Destiny was kurt’s mom. Also yeah spoilers Mystique is nightcrawler’s mom here as usual, including possibly in the movies but it’s kept vauge in both timelines.

Destiny explains that while she kept Rogue’s powers under wraps, giving her a phony skin condition and having her wear skin covering clothes, she couldn’t keep her away from teenage things forever and figured she’d be fine.. she was wrong but hey her precontion isn’t something she can control and she can still see the fucking future, so it’s not like it’s a bad trade off. Myistque is of course coming to collect her but Destiny warns her that, naturally, the x-men are going to be there soon.

Speaking of the X-Men, Wolverine is breaking into the x-men mansion in a ninja costume while storm tries to thrwart hm. Yes there is actual context to this and he is a trained ninja so this fits.. yes really he apparentlyt rained with ninjas as part of his backstory and later had a samurai sword fight iwth his girlfriends dick of a dad twice and has had many since then since even with his claws the image of wolverine wielding a sword is fucking awesome. He crawls through the vents but Storm freezes them and he’s forced to enter the danger room and then tears some machines apart because chuck stops him because APPARENTLY their expesnive.. even though he can afford to buy his teenage son a sports car and himself a fucking rolls, so no Chuck I don’t see why Logan would assume you can’t afford to buy more death machines.

Scott rightly asks what the hell their supposed to learn from one of their teachers putting on his ninja robes and trying to sneak into his own house while another teacher tries to murder him. And yeah with enoguh episodes I can fully say my assement was accurate, and not only that this scott has a bit of a temper at times, being a bit quicker to fly off the handle while also having a clear sarcastic streak, something his comics counterpart would thankfully soon pick up and that’s come back in full under jonathan hickman:

It’s.. a long story.. a bunch of racist genocidal scientests decided to inject themselves with devolving serum to protect their project from the x-men.. okay maybe not that long a story. BUt I LIKE that this scott is flawed, but not enoguh to make him unlikeable just enough to round him out: He’s charming, empathetic and a tactical genius.. but he can also be hot headed, sarcastic and impulsive. I’ts a nice ballance that dosen’t prevent him from being likeable or useful to the team, but keeps him intresting and gives him room to grow. What I really am liking about the series so far is the team is fairly fleshed out.. except Jean and Storm unforuntantley as Storm really hasn’t gotten enough screne time to shine like her comics counterpart and Jean is just sort of “popular girl type a who’s sweet to everyone, but also still badass”. She’s still better than the 90′s cartoon, as she can actually do stuff more often and is a vital member of the team, and has mor eof a personality, but I hope we get more to her as we go. But otherwise the characters are layerd, flawed but likeable, and enjoyable to watch, and it helps with these earlier more awkard episodes, papering over the weaker aspects with strong character.

Anyways Logan explains why they did all this: both to show the kids how to infiltrate big complexes, which given most x-missions are “investgate a base of some sort wher eno good is coming of anything”, case in point the mission in the picture above, it’s a valid and useful skill, and to test the mansion’s security, suggesting since the vents are crawlable to electrify them and add poision gas. Storm objects to the poision gas part as well.. their only enimies besides mystique are two teenagers who while dicks don’t really deserve to choke to death. Wolverine’ relucntantly agreers.. he’ll get em next security update. Next timeee. Kitty meanwhile wonders if anyone else is freaked out and just gets blank stares.. a great gag and a great bit of character as she just joined and had a fairly normal life before all this. Kurt assures her she’ll get used to it, but his telporting over and offering popcorn fails to impress her and she nopes out of there, though Jean reassures him chicks will dig the fuzzy eventually. This is a nice nod to the comics where , with Kurt being the only non-human passing x-man, Kitty was afraid of him for some time, but slowly came around going from being horrified to him to defending him to evelangenlical lunatic reverend stryker, he was a preacher in the comics but no less vile or murder happy, telling him that kurt was one of the noblest souls she ever met after he angrily lambasted him as not in god’s will because you know, he looks like a demon.. and apparently is half of one but let’s ignore that bollocks shall we? Here i’ts more he’s coming on a bit strong on top of that, but it still works reconfigured like that. Anyways enough teen romance, to me my x-men as Charles needs the full team for a mission and it’s the first time we’ve HAD a full team mission which makes sense: Episode one only had two active x-men and one who just joined and episode 2 only needed a smaller team for both subplots so we split the team minus storm in half. Here we have our first full mission: To find Rogue as Xavier believes she’s a danger to herself and others.. which isn’t exactly wrong when her power can abosrb at a touch and she has two entirely diffrent minds overlaping in her head. I do questoin however going in full combat gear, as they do. Bringing it, no sweat what if someone shows up to attack them, their apparently aware of the brotherhood as of next episode... which makes little sense but whatever. But when they land they go out in full superhero gear which not only ends up playing into myistques hands , more on that in a bit but makes htem look super supscious. And this could just be wanting more costume action early on which would be fine.. if the previous episode hadn’t had jean in plain clothes to talk to kitty, because yeah most people freaked out about their powers probably wouldn’t assume the best of someone in tactical gear iwth a big x on their costume! Gah. I”m glad I went ahead simply to know the x-men do get smarter.. a little.

Anyways, that stupidity aside on the jet Kurt is flying for the first time with Scott proud of his skill saying he’ll be an ace.. and taking it back when Kurt starts driving with his feet.. even though to me that’s just as impressive as while he has that classic arms behind the head relaxed pose, he is still paying attention, has his feet on ten and two and, and it’s a fact that I forget sometimes: His feet are just as, or at least, almost as good at gripping as his hands. It’s why he can wall crawl like spiderman. Their llike gorilla feet but better. So yeah that joke dosen’t really land. Meanwhile it’s time for what an older man thinks two teenage girls talk about.. and I just noticed looking at the credits this episode is written by Simon Furman, one of the more renowed transformers creators and write of the UK comics and later the US comics, as well as the first few mini series and one shots for the first idw continuity.. granted the latter is a bit infamous for what he did to arcee, which I both don’t know enough about and don’t have enough time to get into here, nor have I read enough of his work to gush, but I sitll felt it worth mentioning. ANd it’s not uncommmon for comic book writers to write for animation: Greg Weisman started in comics before moving to animation with Captain Atom’s post-crisis solo series, Dwayne McDuffie had a rather sizeable career in comics as a writer and editor and returned to writing comics in the 2000′s for a stint, and Marv Wolfman helped make the treatment for beast machines, while Peter David’s done scattered episodes of various shows, most memorably for me Ben 10. So not a HUGELY uncommmon thing but still worth noting. Anyways legend or no, he still makes the rest of this scene awkward as Kitty fawns over scott, Jean ends up agreeing and in annoying fit of jealously kurt ports to the roof to do .. some sort of stunt to impress kitty and end sup having to come back in due to wind resitance, teleproting on her by accident and pissing her off. It’s not a terrible scene, as it shows some vunerablity in kurt and furhters the jean scott love triangle but in revisiting it it just feels a tad awkardly put in there, especially since so far kitty having a crush on scott goes nowhere and love triangle wise it’s more Jean, Scott and Rogue.. more on that next time. Wolverine mutters about kids in annoyance.. so for the first and probably last time in my existance I feel the exact same as wolverine for one shining moment.

Mysitque arrives and is angry at her wife for letting their daughter get away, Irene reitrates the dance thing.. you get it. Luckily having a precog for a wife is handy for more than timing your orgasms to happen at the same time, and Irene knows she’s going to Cody’s hosue which she thinks is her own and that’s where we see her next. Now while this episodes quality is mixed... I do like this element of Rogue torn between two identites not sure which is her.. it’s thorughly intresting and hasn’t been used enough in adaptations, though the 90′s series did do a good job with it’s own take of having Carol and Rogue fight for Rogue’s body.

At any rate wolverine attacks.. wow jesus wolvie I know you don’t like kids but this is a bit far.... at least go back home and take it out on duncan if you need to murder a teenager sheesh. Of course it’s actually mysitque whose trying to make her afraid of the x-men, shifting into storm next. It’s not a terrible tactic.. it has specific faults i’m saving for the end, but in the short term using the x-men in costume to scare her, then having Irene show up and tell her their mutant hunters.. it’s not bad. It also nicely back fries when the x-men arrive, charles unable to pointpoint her due to her brain being scramble, and end up going down the alleyway with Wolvie in tow causing her to book it.

Kurt, whose really on the ball outside of the plane stunt this episode, comes up with a better plan than “Chase the frightened teenager around missiipi and hope it works” and realizes since she’s clearlys cared of logan, even if they don’t know why he can try talking to her while in inducer form. Logan relucntantly agrees but tells kurt to keep an the rookie, i.e. kitty which pisses her off. Remember this for a second from now.

So Kurt.. actually succeeds in calming her down, pointing out he like her was once freaked out, that being diffrent is okay etc, usual line but it works.. then ... yeah that second from now is now now as Kitty decides “she dosen’t look so tough” AND TACKLES ROGUE. Who they know has the power to absorb things by touch even if she’s mostly covered, and who was about to turn to their side. Just because Logan, it turns out CORRECTLY, insulted her. Just.. jesus this is bad writing.. Kitty isn’t this obnoxious or usless later on and while she could sometimes fuck up in the comics..it was less noticable since she was the ONLY teenager, and still once fried a demon with a jet engine. Here? She hasn’t done any of that so she just comes off as a dumbass brought on a mission too soon who causes her friend to not long after this get his powers absorbed by rogue.. though weirdly she dosen’t get his blue skin, which annoys me a bit but whatever. Animation budgets. Point is kitty lost their target and got kurt comaed. Kitty paniced realizes she can reach the professor telepathically, and we do get a great gag of her doing so too loud, while Logan grumbles about not going with them.. which is a godo point.. why didn’t he just.. you know take the costume off. even if she panicked if she learned who he was later, they would at least have her on the plane and could easily knock her out gently, especially logan since he recovers fast and would the instant his healing factor came back, and then deal with her panic and her fear of them they didn’t know about back home versus here. He didn't even have to come with her just hang towards the back in plainclothes. Instead his telling Kitty she sucks caused her to prove that assessment accurate. So Charles goes to help while Storm, Cyclops and Jean continue the search They find her and Jean shows her empathy again, and I have to admit the character really isn’t that bad in moments like this.. the only reason I ragged on her coming to kitty last time is she made the rookie mistake of telling Kitty about her telepathy, which, while better sooner than later, was done so clumsily it backfired. Here.. she genuinely and softly talks to Rogue, and offers her a communicator which looks like a neuralizer for some reason.. seriously why not just hide it in a compact or a watch or something Chuck? But that aside i’ts a nice moment.. that storm accidently ruins by showing up and terrifying her away. Yeah that’s PART of my problem with the episode right there is jwhile it changes up setting and what not it’s still just “The x-men find Rogue , get her calm, then she runs when one of the x-men mystique traumatized her with shows up”. It just gets old fast despite some clever switches here and there.

Thankfully we’re at the climax and since Mystique saw all that she shifts into Cyclops.. and up until now I haven’t mentioned this but it becomes a glaring issue here: Mystique’s dialouge when shapeshifted when coming up is basically variations of I’M GOING TO KILL YOU. Which not only is a bit dull, as she apparnelty knows the x-men and at least could make them sound like evil versions of the people we know but also REALLY dumb... again i’m saving this for the end of the episode because it all comes together with her endgame for Rogue, but even if you haven’t watched the show given what’s happened with Toad and Avalanche you can probably guess. But yeah while watching I WAS going to lambast her for not using Jean.. but she’s actually clever here, using Scott who Rogue hasn’t met to unerve her already, then shifting into Jean to take back the chance she offered. IT scares Rogue out who naturlaly books from Jean.

Rogue then touches storm.. and Cyclops promintently craps himself as he realizes “Oh shit an already scared and psonically scrambled teenager just got an omega mutant’s levels power but with none of the experince and 80 times the angst”. So yeah Rogue’s powers spin out of control in what’s a great sequence and she hit sa transformer but ends up running. Xavier decideds to call this one a wash, and can’t find her anymore anyway as Cody has faded and decide she has to come willingly. Kurt reawakens to Kitty’s delight. Yay that mildly annoying subplot is done. We end at the school and this is what i’ve been building towards folks: Myistque enrolls Rogue in the school, comersrates on magneto on a job well done and Rogue looks at her commincator. And now for the reason I was a bit patient on this: Mystique’s plan is really shortsighted and dumb. Now pretending to be the x-men, that works.. but her impersinations are so shallow, ESPECIALLY for an experinced shapeshifter that the minute Rogue gets to know any of the x-men, her entire facade will start to crumble. Or if she touches one of them and gets their memories.. which never happens even when she borrows one of their powers next time but hey. Instead of making the x-men seem like gaslighting manipulators she makes them seem like petty murderous villians.. when 5 minutes with Scott or jean or just watching either will cure that. And sure as we see next time she TRIES keeping her from talking to them for too long.. but as we also see school projects happen and she can’t control EVERYTHING without raising some red flags with her faculity. She’s principal, if a teacher’s supscious she’s abusing a student she brought in, they hopefully won’t hesitate to call someone to look into it and as a shapeshifter running a dodgy mutant milita made up of students you brought in that’s the last thing you fucking want. It’s really not even a remote surpise this only lasts three episodes before she turns, and makes me question why do this arc if it’s going to be so half assed? In the comics Myistque was not only a master planner, even getting her team jobs as goverment enforcers when she realized being anti-human terrorists in a very racist climate was just going to get them all killed, but she also CARED about Rogue and her using empathy and kidness on TOP of the manipulation would make Rogue trusting her so much make more sense than “Well it’s you or the attempted murderers”. It’s just really fucking sloppy and to it’s credit Wolverine and the X-Men ended up doing this sort of plotline 80 times better, with Rogue being a villian for a while AFTER the x-men had broken up, left her with nothing, and things had only gotten worse for mutants.. and I think bein ga double agent, it’s been a while, but her reasons for turning there feel natural in comparison to this. The x-men aren’t much smarter as they only connect the dots that maybe it’s a shapeshifter, a shapeshfiter I belive xavier, storm and wolverine alread know about and coul’dve told the students. Gah.

Final Thoughts: This episode isn’t very good and in reviewing it I really realized it when it took me 4 or so diffrent sessions to finish this thing. While it has good parts, like a lot of ROgue’s stuff, the danger room break in, it’s held back by stupid decisions, a stupid villian plot, and a waste of great POTETIAL stories for a half assed one from a writer who clearly can do better and a show that will soon enough. Glad to finally be done with this one.. I might not come back to evolution for a second, but when I do I promise it won’t take this long.

Next Time on X-Men: Evolution: Blob debuts, crushes on jean to an obssesive and quickly very stalkery degree and also nearly murders duncan with a locker... so he’s clealry a mixed bag. Meanwhile Scott and Rogue get paried up on assigment and Paul wears out his welcome Like this if you enjoyed it, I have other x-men evolution reviews in the x-men tag on my blog, as well as other animation goodness, and if ther’es an episode of another x-men show, including the gifted and legion as i have hulu, or marvel show in general you’d like me to cover just drop me a pm to comission it for a reasonable fee. ANd until next time, courage.

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the-one-eighteen · 4 years

Note

You asleep? I just feel calmer. When I’m with you. Stay For the soft conversation starters. You can use them together or separate! It’s up to you ❤️

I am. So sorry this took so long! But, I finally got it to a point where I like it, and enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy!

(read on ao3)

Eddie couldn’t say when he fell asleep. He vaguely remembers getting out of the showers at the end of his shift. Blearily recalls catching Buck’s eye across the locker room, and answering a questioning eyebrow with a signal for five more minutes. Knows he got in a car at some point.

But the line connecting point A to point B ends about the time Buck unlocked the door to his apartment and they both tumbled inside, if he’s being honest.

What little he can now make out of the dark living room seems to suggest their normal night in - open, empty take out containers from the Chinese place down the block on the table in front of them, tv screen black from where it’d powered off after too long sitting inactive. The light streaming in from the windows is flickering off and on, that same damn lightpost that’s needed it’s bulb replaced for the last two months or so - longer, if he takes Buck’s word for it.

The night around them is quiet at this point (though, what actual point that is is anyone’s guess. He’s groggy as hell, so...late is about all he’s got), with only the occasional rumbling of a car coming down the road, and more distant but ever present white noise of a city that never truly sleeps.

If Eddie tries really, really hard, all of that fades out pretty easily, leaving him in just this moment.

In the warm dark. On Buck’s familiar couch. With Buck’s achingly familiar warmth pressed against his side from where they’d fallen asleep leaning against each other. God, Eddie could melt back into sleep, just like that, if given the chance.

He didn’t get this often. Didn’t let himself get this often. It was too close to something he wanted - something he couldn’t have but was so tantalizingly close that if he didn’t know better, he’d bet Buck was toeing the same line he was.

But he wasn’t. Because that wasn’t Eddie’s luck. And Buck was a tactile bundle of electricity that pressed up against anything he could and anyone lucky enough to be caught in his wake just needed to hold on tight.

And looking too closely at how often he ended up on Buck’s couch - or, God forbid, how often Buck ended up on his, with Chris between them, all three of them curled into their own little bubble that made Eddie’s heart hurt with the comfort - well...that way madness lay.

So. Eddie didn’t allow himself this often. Or, so he told himself.

If only because his heart couldn’t take it.

But he was only so strong. And if the opportunity was going to land in his lap, who the hell was he to fight it.

He’d just about relaxed back into the couch, carefully tilting his head back against Buck’s where it was resting against his shoulder. If he was quiet enough in his want, maybe he could keep this a little longer. Stretch the moment out into the golden illusion of an early morning, if only for a breath.

But then he feels Buck shift against him. Feels the set to his shoulders stiffen as he wakes up slowly.

Eddie’s quiet in that moment. It’s selfish, and he knows it, but…

“You asleep?” It’s so soft that Eddie knows he could get away with pretending to not hear it. Is left to wonder why it’s so quiet for only a moment before Buck carefully shifts again.

“...Yeah.” Eddie finds himself murmuring back, even as he wishes he could pull that quiet sleepiness back around them. Knows it’s slipping between his fingers even as he pulls himself away to stretch. Like he hadn’t been up for several too long, too short minutes. “Looks like we missed the end of another movie, huh? Think we’ll ever make it through one that isn’t animated?”

There’s a soft, tired laugh, and Eddie grins. Can’t not, in the face of the sheer contentedness he can feel rolling off the other man.

“Not until Chris is too old for ‘em.”

And there’s the other reason Eddie toes that line, but never...quite makes the jump. Buck is always, always there, in their future. And Eddie would rather bury his own heart than take that chance away.

Simple as that.

“Speaking of, I gotta pick him up from Pepa’s pretty early, so I should probably get going.” He’s still smiling - can feel it in the curve of his mouth. Can’t quite feel it in any way that matters.

Something flashes across Buck’s face - still tired, his eyes shiny and his mouth curved sweetly and Eddie needs to look away - but Eddie can’t parse it in the dark, and, frankly, doesn’t want to try. Reading too much into things is practically a Diaz family tradition and he’s got enough tormenting him as it is, thank you.

“Yeah, alright. Drive home safe alright? And see you tomorrow night.”

Eddie hums softly in acknowledgement, standing and stretching again - less for show this time and more because the age where sleeping well on couches regularly is slowly but surely passing him by. He sees movement out of the corner of his eyes, just manages to turn in time to see Buck flop over the rest of the couch in his place, looking for all the world content to just. Stay there.

“Nice Buck. Try to make it up to your actual bed at some point will you?” Eddie asks around a laugh - too fond, even to his own ears - even as Buck grabs the pillow from that side to bury his face in with a vague grunt of acknowledgement. “Don’t complain to me tomorrow when your back is cramped then.” Eddie adds, only getting a muffled laugh and a blind shooing motion in his direction in response.

Eddie rolls his eyes, but leaves Buck to it. If the man wants to sleep on that dumb couch, let him. Eddie’ll just ignore his complaints during their shift.

And if he’d give a whole hell of a lot to be complaining about it right there with him, well, even he knows that sounds weird.

---

The knock at the door isn’t a surprise. Probably should be, given that it’s two-thirty in the morning on a Sunday.

But, Eddie’s been following the news all day. Been waiting for a call, all day.

(He’d finally gotten sick of waiting around nine, and had called into the station. Only to be told they had plenty of hands on deck, and that, by that point, everything was under control, and the news was just milking everything they could out of a sensational, but ultimately, nontragic accident.)

But, even through the shit footage the news had been running on repeat for hours, Eddie could see that just because it hadn’t been tragic, didn’t mean it had been easy. Construction project downtown had gone up in flames. Jumped to the building next to it. The only reason it hadn’t ended in tragedy was because that building tended to be empty on Saturdays. The building next to that one? Not so much.

So. The knock at the door is no surprise at all.

He answers the door and just raises an eyebrow at the sheepish look Buck shoots him. “Why do you still knock? You have a key.”

“Look, not everyone’s you Diaz. Some of us were raised with manners.” Eddie’ll give Buck this - he manages to hold the serious face for about thirty seconds before they’re both laughing at that.

“Get in here. There’s beer in the fridge, and some left over Thai.” And Buck grins at him, big and bright, and cracked along the edges in a way Eddie’s not even sure Buck realizes. But, in Buck comes, heading straight for the kitchen.

It was a thing.

Eddie couldn’t say when it started. But it was definitely a thing.

A long shift. A hard shift. Sometimes even just one out of left field. Mud and grit and smoke and ash. Some tangled mess of emotions or adrenaline or weathered nerves exposed for too long...and they’d both find their way to each other. Eddie would drop by Buck’s after making sure Chris was safe with his abuela or Peppa or Carla or, sometimes, bring him along, because nothing soothed the tangle like a night in with his family. Or Buck would drop by their place. And they wouldn’t talk about the shift. Talk about everything else around it, sure. Everything under the damn sun except the last twelve hours.

And it worked for them.

Even if Eddie always, always wished it didn’t have to end like it always, inevitably, did.

Look, he knew he was reaching the edge of pathetic and taking a dive right over the edge. He was aware.

He can hear Buck digging around in his fridge, rolls his eyes at the sound, even though he knows he’s still grinning at the sound. “I think there’s also some-”

“Cupcakes!”

Eddie snorted, shaking his head and heading to the couch. “Yeah, those. Chris wanted to make some for Carla’s birthday. Those’re the ones that didn’t pass the visual test. Still taste pretty good though.”

There’s a muffled ‘mmph’ that he’s pretty sure is Buck stuffing one in his mouth, so he felt okay assuming he agreed with him on that. “Bring me a beer while you’re raiding my fridge, would you?” Another muffled ‘mmph’ that Eddie’s pretty sure is acknowledgement.

It’s another couple of quiet moments after that before Buck actually follows through though, eventually shuffling into the living room with two beers, one of which he hands to Eddie as he collapses on the couch next to him.

Eddie pauses in his channel flicking long enough to glance over, raising an eyebrow. “Decided you weren’t hungry, or did you eat all the cupcakes instead?” He barely ducks the couch pillow aimed at his head in response, grinning back at Buck cheekily.

“I only ate one - and you were right, they were good, remind me to tell Chris that later - but...not really hungry.” He says, shrugging, and looking for all the world like he didn’t just tumble into Eddie’s house at fuck-all in the morning.

Sucks for him then that Eddie knows his tells like the back of his own hand. Can point out the stiffness in his shoulders, the minute jitteriness in his knee, the soft frown pressed down between his eyebrows with an accuracy Eddie likes to blame on time rather than any special attentiveness on his part.

Likes to. Really can’t.

“Mm. Well, it’s there if you change your mind.” Is all he says about it though.

They don’t talk about the shifts.

They drift into each other's orbits and let things work themselves out. Talking about it when there’s nothing to really...be done, just never really seemed to help. Shifts were going to suck, no matter how prepared you were for the job. That was just life.

Eventually, they’d settle on a crappy movie, one of them would fall asleep, the other probably right behind them, and, in cases like this, they’d wake up to Chris excitedly yelling at them about Buck visiting.

It was a thing.

And it looked like Buck was going to be the first one to pass out tonight, from how quickly his head is listing to the side, and how quickly Eddie gets worried about having to possibly clean beer stains out of his carpet from the way Buck is holding the bottle.

“You doing okay there, Buck?” Eddie asks, softly. Buck never dropped this quickly. Nervous energy didn’t dissipate this quickly. They had a routine, and they both stuck to it pretty well - falling into habits well worn and settling into groves well travelled.

“Huh?” Buck asks as he pulls his head back up, blinking blearily at Eddie before gracing him with a lopsided smile. “Yeah, yeah, just...tired man. And the nerves are already gone, you know? I just feel calmer, I guess. When I’m with you.” And that last part is said around a yawn, and Eddie swears his heart skips traitorously in his chest.

Before the feeling can fill the empty space in his lungs, he hums and pushes himself to his feet. “Lemme get you a pillow and a blanket then man. No point in trying to stay up if you’re already tuning out.” This time, Eddie doesn’t miss the flash of disappointment across Buck’s face.

Can’t quite convince himself he saw it right. Can’t quite convince himself he didn’t. Instead of examining it further, he’s turning on his heel down the hall to escape the doubt.

And Eddie wants nothing more in that moment than to drop the act. Invite Buck down the hall instead, where they could both curl up in the soft quiet of the night and stop pretending it was the not talking about it that made it better, at least for him.

And maybe...maybe for Buck too.

But, he doesn’t.

Can’t.

No matter how bright his heart burns at Buck’s small smile. At his soft thank you. At the sharp look in his eyes as he chases Eddie’s gaze.

But they don’t say a word about it.

It’s a thing.

---

Eddie doesn’t really know why he’s on Buck’s doorstep right now. Knows he should’ve called. Just as he knows he’s never needed to before.

It wasn’t a bad day. Shift was quiet - as quiet as a fire station in LA can ever be. Bobby had made lunch and they’d all actually been able to eat at least half their plates before the next call had come in. Every call had ended as well as they could.

Chris was on an overnight field-trip with his class to the natural history museum, and Eddie had a picture to show just how bright and excited he’d been about it that morning.

All in all? It’d been a perfect goddamn day. Well. No, not perfect. It’d been Buck’s day off.

...Huh. Maybe that’s why Eddie was on Buck’s doorstep.

...who the hell was he fooling anymore anyway? Definitely not himself.

Hopefully, still Buck though.

He doesn’t even get a chance to knock before the door’s opening and Buck’s grinning at him. “You know, when I said I was the one raised with manners, I wasn’t expecting you to take it to heart. You have a key too.” And then he’s gone again, leaving the door open behind him.

And Eddie has no choice but to follow.

“Was wondering when you’d stop by,” Buck calls out from the living room, where there’s two beers and a pizza box on the coffee table, “Pizza’s cold by now though. You missed your chance.”

“...Did you actually expect me to come by, or did you just grab that second beer just now to make it look like you did?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

And Eddie...Eddie just laughs, feels the strain he’d been carrying in his shoulders since about noon (for no goddamn reason, why was he like this) smooth out with each step towards the living room.

“Chris make it on the bus okay this morning?”

Eddie hums as he collapses on the couch next to Buck, feeling what was left of the tenseness in his muscles melt away as he settles into his spot. “You saw the pic this morning, what do you think? He’s gonna talk your ear off when he gets back. Which reminds me, I’ve been ordered to make sure you’re at dinner tomorrow. Chris’ orders.”

Buck grins at him, slow and soft, so bright and so fond Eddie has to look away. Excuses it by grabbing for the beer in front of him. “Well, Chris’ orders, guess I’m crashing dinner tomorrow then.”

“Hope you didn’t have plans.” Eddie says, for the sake of it.

“Well, I mean, I did…” Eddie feels his stomach drop - a sharp twist of discomfort as he quickly tries to figure out how to backpedal. There were joking expectations, and then there was seriously disrupting his best plan’s day just because he and his kid wanted to, and - “I was planning on dropping by your place for lunch, probably stay for a Disney marathon, since I’m pretty sure Chris is still on that kick, maybe make some lego disasters...but yeah, I think I can manage dinner.”

Eddie stares. And Buck just grins. “You need to get your blood pressure checked, Eds. Pretty sure people aren’t supposed to go that pale that quickly.” And then he’s cackling at Eddie’s expense, and Eddie kind of wants to strangle him, even as he finds himself laughing right along with him after less than a breath.

“You are such a jerk. I should leave. Actually, yeah, no, for that, I’m leaving. You can enjoy your cold pizza alone, you jacka-” Eddie’s halfway off the couch - with the intention of getting a plate, because like hell he was actually leaving - when he feels a hand clamp around his wrist, and suddenly it’s very, very quiet, and Eddie’s not entirely sure why it feels like all the air’s been sucked out of his lungs as he looks at Buck’s suddenly very serious, very sincere face.

“Stay.” Buck says into the quiet - so soft and gentle it can’t help but shatter the stillness around them.

And Eddie wants to laugh it off. The mood switch is too much, too dramatic, too...everything and he wants to break it so it’ll snap back to normal.

Wants to. Can’t quite manage it.

“...I was just getting a plate.” Eddie tries, weakly. Knows it’s not enough as the quiet settles back in around them.

But, then, Buck’s smiling at him, and his grip is loosening, and Eddie can breathe again.

The quiet stays in place, but the air between them is bright and fizzy instead of still and hard and Eddie couldn’t explain it if he tried.

So, he doesn’t. Instead, he goes to get the plate, because he’s not sure he can look at that smile and not take everything at face value.

He doesn’t hear Buck come up behind him. But he’s kind of hard to miss when Eddie turns around and Buck’s right there. Eddie doesn’t jump, but it’s a close thing. One Buck definitely notices if the shine to his eyes and the quirk to his lips is anything to go by. But, points to him, he doesn’t actually say anything about it.

“...You know. I’ve had this...big speech, in my head, for the last like. Month. Never quite manage to get it right twice.” And Buck’s talking, but Eddie’s not quite understanding. “Always seemed too...showy, you know? Or stiff. Or practiced. But that?” Buck gestures vaguely back to the living room like Eddie’s supposed to know what that means, “That gave me an idea.” And then he’s leaning into Eddie’s space and Eddie...Eddie can’t say no to Buck. Can’t deny him space even if all he has to give is his own.

“Eddie, stay with me?” Buck asks into the bare space between them, so soft and gentle it can’t help but shatter Eddie on the spot as the question clicks into place.

Eddie thinks back. To staying still in the comfortable dark in the hope that neither of them were going to move, for just a moment longer. To knowing silence and willing comfort in familiar orbits. To the want straining his heart every time he so much as looks at Buck, in the hope that the look he’s seeing in the man’s eyes is a reflection rather than a delusion.

He doesn’t know who moves first, but the next thing he really knows is the feel of Buck’s lips against his own in a slow, languid kiss that doesn’t quite line up until it does and all Eddie can do is melt.

“Do you even have to ask?” Eddie’s heart is burning when they pull away, breathless in the quiet, his voice too loud and too quiet.

And oh, that first kiss has nothing on the second.

#hey-therejuliet #long post #911 fox #Eddie Diaz #Evan Buckley #buddie #my writing #ff #I'm still not super active at the moment but I got the energy to write and I really am sorry about how long this took!

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princeescaluswords · 4 years

Text

How To Be a Better Alpha

One of the most ridiculous things that I’ve ever heard the Teen Wolf fandom argue is that Scott’s True Alpha arc “came out of nowhere.” It requires a viewer to believe so many contradictory things at once and to top it off with a nice layer of smooth, soothing racism.

You can observe it clearly when the fandom turns to the camera and says “<Insert Murderous Emotionally-Damaged Pretty White Man Here> was a better alpha than Scott.” I’ve seen it done with Peter, with Derek, and even with Deucalion. (Though strangely enough, I’ve never seen it done with Satomi or Talia. It’s like there’s something different about them that makes them ineligible to be superior. Weird.)

The truth is that Peter, Derek, and Deucalion were terrible alpha leaders, and that wasn’t a coincidence. With foresight, the production decided not to be subtle and said “here are the examples Scott has to work with, see how he does better.” As the seasons progressed, Scott’s way of doing things was compared to each one of them, demonstrating his growth and improvement from frightened teen victim to True Alpha. One might have thought that they should have been more subtle, but given their audience’s stubborn insistence that anyone else should be the alpha, their foresight was correct.

People wonder why ‘everything is Derek’s fault.’ Did they ever consider that the production said “We want to make Derek sympathetic, but we can’t let the audience believe he’s a legitimate alpha. Pile it on.” In that, the production failed to convince the fandom. But I truly believe that to this fandom, if you have a sympathetic backstory and you’re white, you could eat babies and still be seen as a superior werewolf.

Peter was a terrible alpha, that should be a given, but what the audience should also pay attention to was why he was a terrible alpha. He allowed rage at what happened to his family to consume everything, to give him such a bloody and aggrieved sense of entitlement that no action was beyond the pale for him. There’s a reason that the production connected Peter to the spiral and to the element of fire, that which consumes and leaves nothing left but ash. In the end, he got his revenge, even though he wasn’t satisfied, and all it cost him was the blood of his own kin on his hands, permanent estrangement from his first beta, and permanent distrust from his remaining relatives. Did a single drop of blood from any of the people he slaughtered magically return the Hales to the legacy he cared for so deeply? Did it make him or Derek or Cora content or happy?

From Peter, Scott learned that an alpha can’t let what was done to him control his responses. Once he became alpha, Scott didn’t use his alpha status to hurt the twins, even though they had plagued him and his friends. (People forget that it was the merged twins who gave him the wound that he almost died from in Frayed (3x05)). He didn’t focus on Sean Walcott, who had tried to eat his mother, on that hospital roof, instead going after Liam dangling from the roof’s edge. He swallowed any emotion he had against Stiles, Liam, Deucalion, and Theo in season 5 in order to stop the Beast and the Doctors. Scott can be angry -- he was furious with his father, with Gerard, with Peter, and with Derek. But he didn’t let that rage consume him like Peter did.

Derek was a terrible alpha. This wonderful post by @thehollowprince demonstrates all the ways he was. But where Peter was consumed by rage, Derek was inhibited by fear. It was fear of failing the memory of his family, fear of repeating the same mistakes, fear of not being strong enough to do what was necessary that motivated every single bad decision he made as alpha. He refused to trust those he couldn’t control. He refused to share the whole truth with those whose trust he needed in return. He couldn’t hope; he had to act, so he was ready to execute an innocent girl, ready to murder his own beta and his own sister out of expediency, ready to do terrible things in order to never make the same mistakes again. His fear of his own ability to fail drove him to push away those who could help him, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

From Derek, Scott learned he had to trust, even after he had been burned, especially after he had been burned. After he became alpha, he worked with Chris Argent without hesitation. He worked with Derek without hesitation. He went to Peter for information. A demon with Stiles’s face tortured him and killed Allison, and (contrary to the depraved wishes of the fandom) he didn’t need time apart from Stiles or ever, ever blamed him. Which is why he called Chris to stand with him against the Doctors, worked with Deucalion to prevent Theo from gaining the Beast’s power, and even worked with Theo to save Mason. His optimism, backed up with action, was an antidote for Derek’s catastrophic fear.

Deucalion became a terrible alpha, and his story was even more tragic because he clearly didn’t used to be. Dovetailing from Derek’s example, Deucalion failed because he became focused oh his own power and philosophy, with his own self, as a reaction to treachery. (”I took the individual parts and became a greater individual whole.”) Deucalion, as powerful, as insightful, and as intelligent as he was, couldn’t imagine that he wouldn’t have all the answers, which is why he ended up “[piling] up bodies in a narcissistically psychotic effort to form [his] perfect pack” when perfection is unattainable. Why, even though he was aware of the eclipse, he still got caught in it. He had to be right, damn everything else.

From Deucalion, Scott learned he could be wrong, that the people he trusted and listened to could be wrong, that it was okay to be wrong and admit you were wrong, and that using his power to make himself right was not a productive way to lead. This is why, when every knowledgeable adult was telling him he had to kill Stiles, he found another way. This is why he called Stiles when he botched Liam’s Bite. This is why he didn’t let his fuckup with Garrett’s money stop him from doing the right thing. This is why he literally begged Stiles, the best friend who had lied to him, betrayed him, assaulted him, to let him help save Noah.

Imagine that scene in The Last Chimera (5x11) where Stiles jumped in that Toyota monstrosity and tried to drive over Scott. Stiles was being a pissy baby, so filled with self-loathing and wracked by guilt, that he was going to try to track down an unstable chimera who was being pursued by the Dread Doctors by himself rather than accept Scott’s help. Would Peter have humiliated himself the way Scott did? Would Derek have argued that they could move past their mistakes as they had in the past? Would Deucalion have put himself in that vulnerable position to protect a person who had literally assaulted him and dehumanized him two days in a row? If you tell me they would, I won’t believe you.

Rejecting rage, overcoming fear, acknowledging his capacity for failure, embracing compassion, and fighting for principle, this is exactly what made Scott the True Alpha. It didn’t come out of nowhere. It was telegraphed from the first episode, the notes hit again and again and again.

The only way someone watching this show couldn’t see it is because they didn’t want to see it. And there are only so many motivations for that.

#teen wolf meta #teen wolf racism #scott mccall defense squad #scott mccall #true alpha

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chiauve · 4 years

Text

Memoir

“It’s actually not bad.”

Chris glanced up at Jill, leaning against the door frame of his BSAA office. She had that shamed look on her face that wasn’t there very often and he immediately knew what she was talking about.

“You watched it.”

She bristled slightly. “It’s really popular, kept popping up in my recommendations, and even people outside our work are talking about it, asking if I’ve seen it...”

“Thinking you’re an evil bitch?”

Now she glared. “No, it’s actually pretty fair, Chris. I was honestly expecting... Like I thought you’d be the dumb meathead walking into walls but you’re portrayed very intelligently.”

“Really,” he said, not a question.

“I mean...people love a sympathetic antagonist.”

Chris groaned and buried his head in his arms.

Last year they’d learned the horrible truth that Wesker had survived the volcano ordeal by way of his memoirs becoming a best seller. Turned out the bastard had crawled himself out and then holed up somewhere to heal and write about his life. Outside of trying to hunt his old enemy down Chris had done his best to ignore the fact that just about everyone and their dog knew the story of STARS and certain subsequent events. It didn’t take too long after that for a studio to somehow contact Wesker for a series deal and since then Chris had known no peace, but still remained adamant in never watching what would undoubtedly be a pile of shit and lies.

The worst part was everyone loved Wesker. He was the newest media darling, the misunderstood antihero used by Umbrella and wrongfully hunted by his former teammates. At least that’s what Chris expected. Did people forget this was the bio-terrorist mass murderer? Did they already forgive him? Or did they not realize this was the same person? For the sake of his own sanity, Chris begged it was the latter.

“You really should watch it,” Jill prodded.

“Of all people, I wasn’t expecting this from you, after what he did to you for years.” It was a low blow on something he generally didn’t talk about unless she brought it up, but she did start it this time.

She opened her mouth as though to snap at him and then caught herself. With a calming sigh she entered his office and leaned against his desk. “I’m just not going to watch that season, trust me.”

“Oh my god, there’s more than one?”

“Second season’s in production now. It’s about what Wesker was doing during the Raccoon City incident and after.”

“And you want me to watch that why?”

“Think, Chris. Access to information on what the hell that bastard was actually doing then, where he goes and what he does when we’re not around.”

“From his perspective at best, if it’s not all a bunch of lies.”

“Even then, we’re in his head. We’re seeing things we never knew, all to use later when we go get him,” she paused, he face scrunching up, “Did you know he had a girlfriend?”

Chris dug a pencil and a hand sharpener out of a drawer and started sharpening it. It didn’t need it but he pretended the pencil was Wesker’s face and started grinding hard. “That’s not new info, Jill, he never shut up about the women he picked up.”

“No, I mean an actual girlfriend, like she lived with him and everything.”

“Is she dead?”

“He didn’t kill her, at least.”

“According to his version of events.”

Jill shrugged, conceding that point.

Chris sighed. He didn’t want to ask, but, “What about STARS? Are we the terrible band of villains out to stop poor widdle Umbwella?”

“Don’t ever do that voice again, but...no. Umbrella’s not...look you have to see it.”

“I do?”

“I’m serious, Chris. It’s not...it’s not a comfortable watch at all, it’s horrible, seeing what happened at that mansion treated like entertainment but... I had to drink to get through just the beginning but it’s well done at least and... I want to bring Wesker down and we need to know what the hell he’s saying, especially about us because our going after him could end up real bad in the eyes of the public if they still think he’s the good guy.”

Chris looked at her a long time. Her arguments sorta made sense but there was more to it than that. It was the sorrow buried deep in her eyes, a touch of fear.

“You’re up to the mansion incident and you don’t want to watch it alone, is that it?”

She flinched. “I meant what I said about the rest of it though. And Barry said he’d do it if you would.”

That caught Chris off guard. “You asked Barry?”

“It was kind of a mutual horrified curiosity. Also there’s...there’s something else, Chris.”

“Oh god...”

“Did you...I swear I won’t say anything to anyone, not even Barry, but...Did you and Wesker have a thing going on?”

“Excuse me?”

----

The entirety of the coffee table in Jill’s apartment was covered in varied beverages, most of them alcoholic but a couple bottles of water to ensure they didn’t die, because that sounded like some convoluted Wesker plan: Get my enemies to die from alcohol poisoning watching a show about my life, genius!

Jill started the show from the beginning so Chris could catch up in their suffering, and had the story been about anyone else other than Wesker, Chris would have indeed felt for them, could see why everyone else suddenly liked him.

The production value was good, the editing well done, and the mood somber as the story opened with a small, gifted boy being taken away from his family. Snapshots of that boy being raised cruelly but efficiently by assigned caretakers under the control of an unknown entity.

Tragic, if any of it was true. The information on Project W was mostly lost; for all anyone knew Wesker might have been raised normally in some fancy home somewhere and this was just angst fodder.

The story really started at the Arklay mansion, the dramatic entrance of a helicopter bearing a teenaged Wesker and Birkin.

Everyone boo’d, and the bullshit began.

#resident evil #chris redfield #jill valentine #albert wesker #barry burton #memoir #fanfic

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jenni42085 · 4 years

Text

Nervous <One>

Chapter 1

Evangeline “Lena” nervously shakes her leg and tries to let the music soothe her mind and soul. Mentally she is thinking of how much people will be upset if she just decides to trade in her return ticket sooner to be closer with her daughter. Her parents and his parents both agreed she needed a break and some “me time” but she wasn’t too sure if this was a smart idea. She realizes her daughter is young and won’t fully remember her being gone for a week but guilt still plagues her. She leans her head against the window and thinks of him.

Thinking of all the good things he is missing, not by choice but rather fate’s choice. 300 days since he was taken from her in a tragic car accident. She can still remember the officers at her door looking sad and not sure what to tell her. A wave of sadness washed over her as she felt the sadness that has slightly controlled her life the last 300 days. Some days were better than others but a day like today where she is flying to see her best friend Marylea in California with out her precious Eevee makes her a little bit more on edge and more time to let her mind wander to different places and topics.

Usually having the playful but shy 1 year old makes her mind focus on her instead of who isn’t with her anymore. She is wondering if this week will help her or make her regret ever coming out. It’s only a week she thinks to herself. A small part of her thinks that she needs a little time away to completely heal but the rest of her feels guilty for letting her family watch her daughter. Her greatest joy lately in life has been being a mom. She thought being a wife was an amazing thing but since being a mom she has felt like her life was complete. She leans her head back as the plane endures some turbulence, I pray this plane makes it, Eevee can’t lose another parent. With those final thoughts she drifted into a well deserved nap.

**************************************************************************************************************

“No, no, no” Jeff yells as he frustratedly throws the next headshot back in the stack of the others “These girls aren’t what we needing for his image! Does anyone ever listen to me?” As he says this he looks around at a few people to have them acknowledge him and his question. He sees yet another text from his client Chris going unanswered since he already knows what Chris is going to ask him.

“Maybe he could just not go because of a ‘medical problem’” he heard someone say.

“Absolutely not! This man is Captain America! He has great health and it really great with the press AND his fans. There is no way he is going to miss this premeire.”

“Well, what exactly is he wanting?” Marylea asks as she quietly places his drink order in front of him. She was still new to California and was looking for better work than being a runner. She wanted to write but she knew she had to first pay her dues. So until they thought she was ready to write, she’d be getting coffee.

For the first time in a long time he felt hopeless. He knew Chris never had any crazy demands, so he was trying hard to please him. It is not that often you get an actor who isn’t a complete douche bag, acts crazy in public, or hasn’t made a bunch of unattainable goals. Jeff runs this hands through his bleached blonde hair and grabs his coffee and looks at his new assistant. She hasn’t been there long but he knows she always got his coffee right and she was always quiet. Maybe the mouse is finally showing that she is more than a coffee runner. “He wants a real woman. Not a model, an actress, or anything like that. He wants to take a person to the charity event and movie premiere who makes him happy. Someone who looks like they go together.”

“You know he is our client and we will do most everything for him but, we aren’t a dating site.” Anna states flatly as she takes a sip of her water.

“Not the point. Happy people make for better press. The guy wants to go out a few times with someone who isn’t completely star struck.” Jeff knows what would make his client happy, he just has to find it.

Marylea stood quietly as she debated on letting Jeff know that she had a person who could possibly fill that position. She’s well aware that Lena hasn’t been seeing anyone since the death of her husband. And she had met Chris a few times and sat in a few meetings with him and honestly he seemed like a good guy. She thinks they would actually make a great couple since they are both so loving, giving, and most importantly selfless.

Jeff noticed that Marylea had gotten even more quiet and was silently debating something in her head. “Speak.”

Startled Marylea looks up at him like a deer caught in headlights. “I.... ummm ....”

“Well...”, Jeff stares at her slightly intimidating at her.

“My friend is in town for a month or so. She isn’t a model or anything like that.”

“Ok and ?” Anna replies with the look that Marylea shouldn’t have been talking.

“Well, to be honest. She’s black and quite beautiful if you ask me. She is single and honestly needs a boost in confidence”

Anna rolls her eyes while Jeff looks intrigued, “ If she is so beautiful why isn’t she in a relationship now?”

Marylea was really hoping no one would have asked that question but it would come out sooner or later. “Her husband died about a year ago. She has a one year daughter. She’s been giving all her time and energy into raising her alone. Even with that on her plate she still volunteers and fosters animals.”

“So no crazy exes?” Jeff questions. Marylea shakes her head quickly. “Why is she out here for a month? Where is the baby?”

By this point Marylea has decided to pull up a chair and sit down with the table of inquiring minds to the issue. “All of her friends and family think she needs a break. Her parents are watching her daughter for a week, then she is being flown out here. As her bestie, it is my job to get her back in society as a 34 year old mom. You know kind of get her groove back.”

Jeff slowly shakes his head. “This. This might actually work”. He stands up and stretches as he is thinking that this will benefit everyone. “The press eats it up when people have kids and everyone knows how much Chris loves kids we could have them doing events for kids. Depending how beautiful you say your friend is she might have a gig for a bit. But this is upon Chris’ approval though.”

“That’s fine. Hold on I have a few good pictures of her and Eevee.”

“She named her daughter after a Pokémon?” Anna replies with a smug smirk.

Marylea doesn’t appreciate anyone talking about her god-daughter like that. “No, her name is Evelyn. Eevee is her nickname thank you very much.”

By this point Gary has joined the group at the table and smiles like he has won the lottery. It’s not very often Marylea even talks let alone sticks up for herself or anyone but here she goes. “Meow! This little kitty is finally showing her claws.”

Hearing that Marylea blushes and puts her head down slightly. “I wouldn’t have suggested her if I didn’t think she was a good choice or that you guys had anyone who would fill the requirements you are looking for.”

“Good point. Well, she a beautiful girl and her daughter is adorable.” Jeff says as he hands Marylea’s phone back to her.

She opted on the most recent picture she has of her bestie granted it wasn’t the happiest day. Ezra’s funeral. Lena was in a simple black dress with her wedge heels to give her some height. She had opted to pull her naturally curly hair into a sleek bun. Lena was never one for a lot of makeup but on that day she wanted to look her best for him so she did smoky eye makeup and wing tips. Eevee was in her arms in a black tutu.

“When does she get here?” Jeff questions.

Marylea looks down at her phone. “She should be here in about an hour. Her flight from West Virginia left on time from the looks of things.”

“So we can meet her soon?” Gary perks up to hearing this news. He honestly was tired of looking through millions of head shots of females who didn’t fit the criteria that was asked.

“Yeah. I was going to have her meet me here to get my house key then get settled.”

Jeff thought about things and looked at his phone and quickly sent a message out to Chris. “Have her come here and we will let Chris meet her directly to see what he thinks. If he approves then you can tell her about a gig she has. Deal?”

“Deal!” Marylea replies excitedly.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

Lena rubs her eyes and stretches as she is one of the last ones to get off the plane. She didn’t think she needed sleep but apparently she did. It felt to actually sleep soundly and not have to wake up every 45 minutes or so bc she was afraid something was happening with Eevee.

This will be the longest she has gone without her little girl and it is kind of uncomfortable. Only a week. She continues to think of the benefits of having a week away and she isn’t really getting a lot of positives.

Lena takes her cellphone out and messages everyone to let them know she made it safely and check on her daughter. Once she knows everyone is ok, she breathes deeply and is enjoying the feel of the sun on her toasted almond skin. She doesn’t need a tan but a little extra sun would be great for the full on J.Lo effect that she likes. This is going to be a good trip. I’m ready for new experiences and new friends. Uber drops her off in front of a boring blue building, she texts Marylea to let her know she was outside and waiting for the key.

“Lena!!! You finally made it here!” Marylea shouts when she sees her bestie of ten plus years. Marylea practically knocks Lena over in an embrace. “I’ve missed you soooo much!”

“I know!” Lena replies just as excited as her bestie. “I’m loving it out here already. It’s so much better than Charleston.”

“Now you see why I hate coming home sometimes.”

“I totally get it. So what time do you get off?”

Marylea thought about breaking the news to her or just letting her relax first. “Well I don’t get off for another few hours. You can hang here if you want. And ...”

“I don’t mind waiting for you and seeing how much of a big shot you are from a small town,” Lena replies. She wasn’t really tired the nap on the plane ride was plenty of sleep. At this point she was ready to explore.

Hearing Lena say she has no problem with waiting for her made the stress in her chest relax. Might as well let her get her guard down then tell her, but it might be better to do it like a band aid. “That’s great! I may or may not have a project/favor to ask of you.”

“Shoot. Anything for you!” Lena replies with out thinking.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes of course. This is vacation right. What’s the worse you could ask of me?”

Marylea looks at her feet as they ride up the elevator. “Funny you should say that.... so you know this is my new job.” Lena nods and keeps smiling. “Well, I may or may not of gave your name to be a date for a celebrity.”

“Excuse me?” Lena relaxed smile went straight into a deer in headlights look. “You are shitting me right?”

Marylea shakes her. “I shit you not. They want needed someone who would go to a few functions this month with a client.”

“Ok but they couldn’t find a model or another actress?”

“See that’s the thing he requested someone who wasn’t in the industry. He didn’t want a white or ambiguously racial lady. He wanted someone real.”

“So you thought I would be a great person to fill those shoes?!?” The elevator comes to a halt and Lena feels her blood pressure raising. “I mean have you looked at me? And I have a daughter. Who would want to date me?!? Even if it is fake.”

Marylea can tell Lena is having a small manic episode due to the fact she was speed walking down a hall way in a place she has never been in. “Lena calm down please. Everyone can see you!” She squeaks out, even though the outside of the building looks horrible the inside has been renovated with all glass walls which everyone can see.

Lena turns around and stops in her tracks. She is feeling stressed but, she doesn’t want her best friend to lose her job that she has worked so hard to get. “Yes yes. I’m sorry but have you looked at me lately and thought to ask me first?”

“You were on the plane.”

“Not the point,” she replies with a grin.

Marylea tilts her head to the side and grins back,” would you rather have a smoke signal?”

“Yes.”

“Smart ass.” To that Lena flips her off then hangs her head down. “Look I know you aren’t thrilled about it but, I figure this is a good stepping stone for me to start writing and not being a coffee runner. Plus when I was told what they wanted I couldn’t think of anyone else but you.”

Lena’s face soften with happiness to know her best friend thinks that much of her. “What about Eevee? I can’t be away from her for a month to do a ‘gig’. I’m stressed out from being away from her after 13 hours.”

“They already know you have a child and etc., and it’s not even guaranteed that he is going to be cool with this whole idea my boss has thought up.”

************************************************************************************************************************************************

Chris nervously sat on Jeff’s couch as he waited for this mystery lady to show up. He knows that he asked Jeff for something of a miracle but he was starting to realize while he is waiting maybe he could have done a dating site. But he couldn’t kid himself he has been trying on and off for 3 years and every time he would think the lady was into him for him, she would start asking for help to “break in” to the business. At least with the girl being Jeff’s assistance friend maybe just maybe she has no interest is the business.

“Lena calm down! Everyone can hear and see you!” He heard Marylea whisper scream at a short messy bun wearing beauty speed walking down the hall way. Chris couldn’t see her facial features but her body type was that of someone he wouldn’t kick out of bed. She had on ripped Bermuda shorts with an oversized button down yellow shirt that made her skin glow. He noticed she has a few tattoos showing.

“Jeff.” Chris asked standing up stretching. “Is your mystery girl here yet?”

Jeff looks up from his desk looking at Marylea and the mystery tattooed girl walk into her office. “Yeah, I do believe she just walked in with Marylea. What do you think so far?”

Chris walks closer to the glass wall to get a better look at the girl even though she is still pretty far away. “ I don’t know. Maybe we can try. I still need to see her face to face and not from a distance.”

Jeff noticed the way Chris was focusing on the short mess bun wearing girl who was pacing around in Marylea’s office that he might have found something he likes. Granted the picture he was shown of the girl she was quite beautiful, hell she’d be his type if he wasn’t already crushing on someone else.

“Well, I’ll get Marylea and Evangeline to come meet you for a few minutes and tell me what you think. You know I’ll never make you do anything of this nature unless you want to.”

“Yes I know.” Chris replies still not taking his eyes of the girl pacing. Her body language looked like she was on the brink of a panic attack.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Marylea.” Jeff’s voice came over the intercom and made both the of females jump attention. “Is your friend here and ready to meet him?”

Marylea quickly glances at Lena with pleading eyes and her clasped together. She sees Lena nod her ok. “Yeah she’s here and I’ll bring her to your office.”

“Ok great hurry up. Time is of the essence.” Jeff said as the line when dead.

“You know you owe me right?” Lena looks at her while her hands are slightly shaking as she looks into the mirror. “By the way. . . You never told me who this ‘big shot’ was.”

“Don’t freak out ok?”

“Yeah, see saying that makes me want to not only freak out but panic majorly.”

“Lena.”

“Spill it Marylea.”

Marylea takes a deep sigh, “ it’s Chris Evans.”

Lena stood there a moment and took in who she just said. “Like Captain America Chris Evans?” Marylea looks silently at her and slowly nods. “ no way on God’s green precious earth. Have you looked at me and have you legit seen him?!? “

“Look, Jeff thinks you would be perfect for Chris. Just meet him first. Please??”

“Fine let’s go.... this won’t last long. He’ll meet me and see what I’m in and immediately turn me down.” Lena says as she links her arm with Marylea.

“Stop thinking the worst. Please. You and I could really use something awesome happening to us. Plus you are a smoking hot momma with a cute booty”

Lena sighs deeply and leans her head on Marylea. “I know we both do but how do you know that this is it? Like couldn’t we just win the lottery or something easier? Something less stressful?!?”

By the tone of Lena’s voice she could hear her friend was close to having a minor panic attack. She started breathing deeper so Lena could hear and start unconsciously breathing deep also. This trick has always worked and apparently still does now.

The pair stand outside of Jeff’s door for a brief second knowing the two men could see them. Marylea squeezes Lena hand and Lena gives her a nod of approval.

Even with the nod of approval Lena is wondering why me. Part of her is nervous because it was Chris freaking Evans, then the other part of her worries about what Ezra’s family thinks of her leaving Eevee for a week while she goes out with a movie star.

Chris can see the nervousness of the messy bun golden brown skin goddess as she is tightening her grip on Marylea’s arm. Good to know he wasn’t the only one who was nervous. He got a better look at her, she had dark brown eyes, an adorably small nose, plump lips that looked kissable, and a diamond stud lip ring on the right side of my mouth.

“Hello I’m Evangeline.” She stuck her hand out to Chris then Jeff. She gave them a strong handshake and nervous smile.

“I’m Jeff and this is of course Chris.” Jeff introduced even though they all knew Chris didn’t need to be introduced. The silence in the room started to go deafening and Jeff realized he needed to leave them alone to test the waters. “umm Marylea follow me to the board room will you?”

Marylea looked confused as to why they had to leave but she followed him out the room.

“So.....you just flew in?” Chris asks slightly nervous.

“Umm yeah. Just an hour or so ago.”

“Was it a good flight?” He asks as she walks away from him to the window. She is maybe 5’5 if that, which is adorable. From what he count on her body that is showing she has about ten tattoos. Never dated a woman with that many she must be a badass.

Lena can feel his eyes on her and she isn’t sure how she feels about this. Sure she has been checked out before but right now she feels like he might want more than just a date. “Yeah it was good. I slept most of the way so I consider it a good flight.”

“That’s good. So....”. Chris isn’t sure why this petite girl is making him so nervous.

Lena turns around to look at him; if she didn’t know any better she’d think she makes him nervous like he makes her nervous. She slowly crosses the room feeling his eyes on her the whole time. “So what exactly are you wanting or needing? I’m not a call girl. I’m a mom. And isn’t there a model or struggling actress you could have decided on?”

Her bluntness shocked him and herself. She was internally shaking even saying it but, she didn’t have a chance to ask Marylea any of these questions. Once it was all out she realized how rude she kind of sounded and that honestly wasn’t her character. “I’m sorry to sound so blunt and rude. I didn’t mean it to come off that way. I’m just .... I just ....” She stops again hanging her head in defeat, while plopping her body down on the couch next to the still stunned actor. “I’m just not sure I can be what you are wanting. This last year took a man who I loved very much away from me, I’m raising an one year daughter alone, I’m doing a week away from her and I guess I’m just not fully ready to come out of my shell even though I really need to.”

Chris sits there slightly stunned by everything she said. Honestly he couldn’t imagine how she is holding it all together but he admires that. “Well, I’ll be honest with you. I don’t want or need a call girl, model, or actress. I tried dating sites but let’s be honest they are. . . “

They both look at each and say in unison, “horrible.” They chuckle together and he continues. “I just want some one different to spend some time with. Maybe go with me to a few events. Not as a girlfriend or anything but just a friend. But if things develop I wouldn’t be upset either.”

“Ok. That I could possibly do. But I have a little girl who comes first.” Lena replies as she is slowly relaxing after his admission.

“Oh I understand that you have a child and want her always to come first and I’ll help you in any way that I can. Jeff said this was your vacation and I want you enjoy your time out here. Maybe we could go to Disney one day,” The look he gives her is meaning that he is honest about what he means. He isn’t sure of her whole backstory but he knows he is a smitten kitten with her genuine smile that lights up her whole face. “Can I see a picture of your little girl?”

Hearing all of this is slightly overwhelming and shocking to hear a man want to not only help out but also spend time with her daughter and want to see her. She smiles at him as she pulls her phone from her back pocket. “Umm let me find the most recent one of Evelyn.” She shows him a picture that she took of her right before she left. She was in a blue polka dotted onesies with her hair in pigtails.

He took the phone out of her hand examine the small infant who looks a lot like her mother with the same small nose and genuine smile. Her eyes and skin were a few shades lighter than her mother making him wonder if the baby’s father was white. “She’s absolutely adorable. So she will be here in a week? Is she flying alone or with someone?”

“My in-laws are flying to Japan so they are flying to Cali with her for the layover. I hope she is a good flyer.” She replies with a hopeful smile.

“In-laws? I don’t mean to pry but did you get a divorce?” Chris asked before his mind would stop him.

She knew that it would be asked sooner if not later. “No, he died in a car wreck right after Eevee was born. I want her to know who he was from me and his side of the family, I keep the connection always open. She’s their first grand child.”

He nods his head feeling like a dumbass for asking because he could see the slight bit of sadness come across her face when she was replying. With out thinking he puts his arm around her shoulder and gives her a hug. At first he felt her body tense by the sudden physical contact but she slowly relaxed in his arms.

“Thanks.”

“Thanks for telling me. And just being honest. I think that is why I needed help from Jeff because I just want to hang out and know someone genuinely. You know?”

“Understood. Just odd that you would need help.”

“Really? Why is that?”

Lena bit on her lip ring finding the words to say not realizing that he thought she was absolutely adorable. “Well, let’s see. You are very handsome, and from what I’ve seen in the media an all around good guy.”

Chris blushes at her comment. He’s never been good accepting them and wondering if the person who says them are genuine or not. “Thanks. I try.”

A small silence happens between them but not in an awkward way. “So, how are you guys doing? What do you think? Will this work for you Chris?” Jeff says. The way he said it makes Chris slump, since it makes him feel like he has to accept to be polite even though he wanted to be linked up to her.

Lena shifts her attention to Marylea who is giving her a hopeful smile. This is worse then being picked for a team. “We are good. I think we are meshing really well.”

“Ok great! We just have some paperwork to go over and need you to see his schedule and compare it to yours.” Jeff says as he crosses the room to his desk.

“Paperwork?” Lena and Marylea reply in unison. “What kind of paperwork?”

Jeff stops searching for documents on his computer to look at the two females. “Yes, paperwork. NDA meaning you won’t go to the press about Chris or any of his personal business. Nothing to crazy and he can fill one out for you since you have a daughter.”

Chris looks at her, her expression is unreadable. He doesn’t do anything to be exposed to the paparazzi but he knows Jeff wants to be safe. “I’d rather her not sign it.”

“Umm excuse me? Ladies I need a word with him. I’ll call you back in a few.” Jeff says with a slightly frustrated look.

The women nod and leave the room looking confused like Jeff. “Dude what’s that about?” Jeff asks.

“I trust her.”

“Maybe so but I think you should have her sign it.”

“I’d rather she not. What if I end up with her? I don’t want that to be a reason why she isn’t with me.”

“But you don’t even know her yet.”

“Key word is yet. I think we might actually be good together. If I don’t feel like it’s ok we can revisit it in two weeks”

Jeff sighs deeply and looks at the hopeful look on Chris’ face. “Fine. But two weeks and that is all.”

***************************************************************************************************************************************************

Lena and Marylea walked down the long hall way to Marylea’s office. Before the two got all the way to her office they hear heavy foodstuff coming their way.

“Hey Evangeline! Wait up!” Chris says.

“You guys done so soon?” Lena asks with a questioning expression. “Ready for me to sign the papers?”

“Yes and no.” The two women gave him confused expression. “Yes we are done and no you don’t have to do the NDA. I trust you.”

“Thanks. I guess.” Lena replies. “So how does this all work?”

Chris shoves his hands in his pockets looking a little unsure. “Well, we could lunch or dinner today if you would like. I know you just got into town and I know you and Marylea will want to catch up. Just figure a meal together to know more about each other and the events I have to attend.”

Marylea can see Lena’s body slowly grow tense, she knew Lena was probably going to put off hanging out with Chris as long as she could. Before Lena could open her mouth, “How about your guys do lunch since I don’t get off work for a few more hours then afterwards us girls can have girl’s night.”

Lena turns her head and looks at Marylea like she has lost her mind. “Yeah sure we can do lunch.”

“Great! Let me tell Jeff I’m leaving and we will be good to go.” Chris says cheerfully.

As soon as the door shuts, “Seriously? What have you signed me up for?” Lena says as she pulls out her mirror to make sure she looks decent to be seen out in public.

“You’ve signed up for a good time. I promise it will be ok. Just trust that it will be ok. I think you guys will get along just fine.”

“Yes yes, but you owe me big.”

“I know. Drinks on me tonight.”

Chris comes back to the office, “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” As the two leave Marylea’s office, Chris’ hand moves to Lena’s lower back to usher her out the room. This will be ok. This will be ok, she mentally chants to herself.

************************************

#chris evans #chris evans x black reader #anxious

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ohwhatamessiam · 4 years

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Self Control - Chapter 12

Summary: The end of the semester is upon you, but the drama is not done yet!

Pairing: Professor!Chris Evans X TA!Reader

Word Count: 3.5k+

Warnings: Language, uncomfortable feelings, and maybe some secondhand embarrassment.

A/N: Hi y’all! I’m back much sooner than intended, but you know, quarantine and social distancing dictate life now! There’s 1 chapter left in Self Control, and if you’re lucky, I might spring an epilogue on ya (we’ll see how the next month or so goes)! Thank you to @fangirlisms-22 for beta’ing my sudden writing binge. I tried to tag everyone, but some blogs have deactivated, changed urls, or won’t let me tag them. Let me know if you need me to change your url on my list. Here’s the Spotify playlist for the entire fic.

I love feedback, so send me your thoughts, feelings, wishes, etc!

Tags are still barely open for this story, so send me an ask here to be added to it or my permanent list!

Self Control | Masterlist

You had no idea how much two weeks could change your life.

You and Chris had barely spoken to one another, only given polite greetings when running into each other at the office. The rest of your communication was through email.

And Robert had sent the story you were working on from before break to a few of his friends and former students at literary magazines. The story you had started during break was becoming more of a means of therapy, a confessional of your relationship with Chris. And it was helping you process what happened.

It was the last day of classes, and the last day before semester papers were due. The assignment was for the students to choose their favorite story or writer of the semester and then to expand upon what they learned in that specific unit. Whatever specific story or person they chose, they were supposed to research who else has used it as inspiration for work since. It could be modern television or film, or another story or author that was influenced. And then they had to explain why they chose that subject. What made them interested enough to do further research upon it, and how it might affect their future consumption of art and literature.

It was a relatively open-ended subject and for the first time the whole semester, students were actually using your office hours.

And one student in particular who’d been giving you the cold shoulder turned up.

Tom.

He’s perched on the edge of the seat across from you, his laptop on the ground as his hands dig through articles he’d photocopied at the library. He’d chosen Keats as his essay topic, and knowing that you also held a soft spot for Keats, he wanted your opinion.

And the deadline was approaching dangerously quickly.

“So I covered all the adaptations and inspired works, and his legacy. And I wrote about how his work is going to change my perception of poetry moving forward. I just think I’m struggling with why Keats was my favorite unit this semester.”

“That’s okay, sometimes when you get so used to academic writing, it becomes hard to write about yourself, and your own feelings. But putting sources and quotes aside to examine your own mental processes is an important part of literature and writing.”

“Okay, I understand that. But I don’t think that my honest answer about why I took an interest in Keats is appropriate for this paper.”

“If you’re worried about Chris or I reading something personal, you don’t have to be. Anything you write will be private. We won’t say anything to anyone.”

Your mind wanders to what could make Tom so worried. Did it have to do with family or his childhood? Keats had a difficult and tragedy filled childhood. Did it have to do with Keats dying so young, or the discussion of his possible addiction to opium?

His eyes drop to the folder on his legs, his fingers picking at the edges of its pages. “Are you sure?” You nod but his nerves aren’t done. “My reasoning might not be very appropriate for an academic setting.”

“Tom,” you say, your eyes softening as you watch him. “Your reasoning doesn’t have to be an expansive philosophical or literary reason. It can be, but it can also just be as simple as you liked his poems. That you found his life tragic but fascinating. Or that the words and rhyme schemes were pretty or interesting.” His eyes meet yours, the edges of his mouth ticking up the slightest bit. “Don’t overthink it. Just be honest with yourself and the text.”

He nods, letting out a deep breath. “Okay, (Y/N). I will be honest. And I’m going to try to trust you and Prof. Evans.”

“Thank you.” You give him a short nod, showing your gratitude in a punctuated fashion. He watches you for another moment, his brown eyes searching for something. But then he gulps and stops. His fingers place his materials back in his bag.

You sit up in your chair a little, almost saddened that your time with him is up. It was nice speaking with someone who didn’t look at you with desperation (because of finals) or pity (because of Chris). Tom’s thoroughly preparedness had made this the most interesting and easy conversation in weeks.

He packs his bag quietly and you let him. He’s a student, no matter how much you appreciate this time with him, there are clear boundaries. You will not cross them. After everything, that’s something you’re damn sure of.

At your door he pauses and says thank you. You give him a small smile, “You’ve done well this semester. I look forward to reading your paper, Tom.”

He cracks a smile, and you notice the slight rosiness that colors his cheeks. He raps his knuckles against your door for the last time this semester, and then he goes.

A pang of guilt lands in your gut, but you don’t know what to do with it yet. His blush probably meant nothing, he was just flattered. But that guilt stays nestled there, a reminder of what has happened, and a warning about what’s to come.

_______________________________________________________________________

Finals pass without a hitch, for both you and your students. You’re able to read the final papers from your apartment, away from any pity or other heavy feelings. You and Chris had decided to randomly split up the workload so you could get through them quickly and give thorough feedback. But final grades are due on Tuesday and you plan on going into your office to enter them and pick up the last few things you’ll need for next semester.

You get to your office in the afternoon Monday, hoping to miss Chris who said he’d come in early if any students wanted to dispute any last grades with him.

You did not end up with Tom’s paper in your final stack, and you wonder what he ended up writing for the rest of it. You’ve been in your office for almost two hours when you decide you’ll let your nosiness win, and you find Tom’s submission online. As you're opening the file, a heavy knock echoes from your door.

He speaks before you get the chance to look up, “Uh (Y/N)?” The way he says your name reaches your skin, your pulse, well before you find the strength to see him. You close your eyes for a moment, letting out a shallow breath before you answer.

“What can I do for you, Chris?”

He’s still the Chris you first met, clean, crisp lines composing his appearance. The Chris he might have always been. Maybe you just got a private viewing of him, a show for only your eyes. Maybe your Chris was a piece that he never let out. Maybe just an alias. A way to distance his actions from who everyone thought he was.

There is no trace of your soft or rumpled time together.

His eyes catch yours, and there’s something there. A pain, a distance, a longing. But it goes away.

And then he’s stepping into your office, “I wanted to ask you something privately?” He closes the door behind himself, but remains standing.

Does he want to get back together? Is he going to divorce Jennifer? Is he ready to choose you?

With your mind running wild, you make a conscious effort to clasp your hands together and keep your face blank, eyes steady.

“What is it?”

“Have you read Tom’s final paper yet?”

All that hope, gone. A pang of annoyance settles in your core. And it’s accompanied by that hint of guilt.

“I have not. Since you graded it, I didn’t need to.”

“Well… I think you should.” There was something in his eyes again, a spark nearly indicating intensity or concern.

“Okay, um. I’ll take a look at it.” You do not tell him you already have it open. You skim the first page, finding nothing but brief analysis and lots of references. “So far, there’s nothing unusual here. It’s a solid paper.”

“Keep going.” The tension of him standing in your office, waiting for you to finish reading agitates your nerves. Your eyes flick to his, but there’s something else mixed in with his previous intensity. There’s an edge, a little too sharp to ignore.

You keep reading. The second page is finished, and it’s literally everything you two had already discussed. The third page is where things get interesting.

Tom wrote that he enjoyed the lyricism of Keats, but what really cemented the poet as his favorite was his TA.

You.

He wrote that since Keats was one of your favorites, he paid more attention to it. That he saw you view Keats’ work as beautiful, giving it a reverence that he argued Keats should even be honored to have. That he looked up to your opinion and your interests, and that’s how he fell in love with the poetry.

Heat spreads across your chest, your face. You’re honored, but also, this is not what you expected from Tom. You look down from his paper, trying to search your mind for any conversations you had with him that would indicate that he was paying too much attention to you. And unfortunately, it’s there. So is the guilt you felt the last time you saw him.

But you know nothing happened here. You would have never entertained anything more than your positions in this academic institution allowed.

“Seems like he really learned a lot from you this semester.” The edge is there, and this time you can identify it. Humor.

“What are you trying to say?” Your words come out more defensive than you intend.

“(Y/N). This kid has a crush on you. Hell, in his hormonal mind, maybe more. Did you know?”

You shake your head. “No. No, if he has a crush on me, that’s his business. I was nothing but kind and open to Tom, but I didn’t know about this.” Truly, you’re referring to the paper more than Tom’s supposed crush.

The humor leaves him. “Kind and open? Are those two things strictly professional?”

The warmth of your skin turns into something worse, anger. “They were. I would never cross that line with a student.”

His hands brace his body as he leans onto your desk. His face mere inches from yours. “But you’d cross it with me? Your colleague and your boss.”

His words hit you like a slap. You flinch in response. How dare he insinuate that you might be a problem here, a repeat offender of an inappropriate relationship.

You want to yell at him, to let your rage out. But instead, you put on your best passive aggressive smirk. You remind yourself of everything that’s happened. He doesn’t get to see you angry or upset anymore. He gets a civil, bare minimum now.

“I will repeat it. If Tom has a crush on me, that is his business. I know he dropped by my office hours pretty often this semester, but I figured my hours fit his schedule better. And no. I was not crossing any boundaries with him. I would not do that.”

He opens his mouth, his eyes clouding with a hint of regret.

“And I don’t know if you noticed, but I’ve been pretty occupied trying to hide a different relationship all semester. I didn’t have the time to consider Tom as anything but a student, when most of my time was occupied by someone else.”

The guilt you felt before dissipates, but Chris’ downturned lips and furrowed brow just indicates that it has found another home.

“I’m sorry (Y/N).” He sighs and pulls back from your desk. “I know. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Well, you can’t take it back.” Even though every ounce of you wishes he could. Hell, you wish you could take back this entire interaction. That he had never walked to your door. “So let’s just move on.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

Yeah, he’d been doing that without you for a while.

“I don’t know how you want to handle this situation though,” he adds, still standing over you. “If you want to talk to Robert or call Tom in to talk to-“

“Robert doesn’t need to be involved. Tom may have crossed a line into a personal territory, but he’s never acted upon his feelings. So there’s no need for administrative intervention.”

“Are you sure?”

“Chris,” you sigh. You know what you’re going to say next will hurt and may not be completely true, but you don’t need your professional reputation questioned again. “I already lied for your sake once this semester. You could return the favor by keeping this to yourself.”

“I don’t kn-”

“Don’t put a target on Tom’s back.” Your voice comes out strong, authoritatively. You’re settling this now. “I remember being his age and getting dumb crushes on TAs. It doesn’t mean anything, and it doesn’t need to be mentioned again.”

He freezes in front of you, fully taking you in. Maybe he only got little pieces of you this semester too. Maybe it was time you both saw each other for who you fully were.

“Okay.” He nods to himself, letting out a deep breath. “Okay.”

He stays stuck in that spot, accepting your argument.

“So, if that’s settled…” you begin. But his hands squeeze together and his eyes focus on the edge of your desk again. You watch him, wondering what would cause him to look as lost as he did the last time he had been in your office.

“I uh, I wanted to tell you something else.” His blue eyes are back on you, and there’s that twinkle again. Is it longing or pain? Just the fraying of his nerves? You don’t say anything, just let his gaze burn through you, waiting for him to work up the courage.

“I’ve been writing again.” Sebastian had told you he’d been writing when you two were together. You hoped selfishly that he’d stopped when he went back to Jennifer, but apparently not. “The novel I’m working on. It- it’s inspired by some of what happened this semester.”

So you weren’t the only one working through your feelings with writing. But your writing had been vague. It was different characters, different situations, just some of the same emotions and complications. What was he using from the last 4 months? You’d made it through your affair without ruining your career here. Hopefully, he wouldn’t blow your life up with some story about you two now.

When you don’t answer, he turns his back to you. His breath comes ragged, he’s worried. “I just thought you should know.”

“As long as you don’t use my name, or anything too specific, I guess that’s fine. I can’t stop you.”

He turns back quickly, his eyes wide. He must not have expected you to let this go so easily. But you can’t blame him for using the same coping mechanism as you are.

“I don’t even know if it’ll turn into anything important. I just didn’t want it to be a surprise if it did.”

“That’s fine.”

He leans onto your desk again, making sure his eyes are level with yours. They’re so earnest, it hurts. There’s a piece of him there that you used to see so often. That you used to think was yours.

But it had been three weeks. And it makes it a little worse knowing you might never see that sincerity again.

“I’ll make sure if it does go somewhere, that you get to see it first. I owe you that much.”

You nod, your eyes trained on him. He doesn’t look away.

The intensity between you two is still there, pulling you toward each other. But you said you were done with that. You couldn’t change his decision, and it seemed he hadn’t taken it back either.

His face moves to you, his mouth nearly on your own. You hadn’t been this close since before Thanksgiving break. You can feel his breath on your lips, it tickles your skin. The person you were before break would have used his mouth to relieve the itch. But that’s not who you are anymore.

You pull back from him, putting the necessary distance between you two. He stands up straight, his expression somewhere between confused and upset.

You tell yourself something very important in the moment: he doesn’t get to be upset that you’ve changed. And you don’t get to be upset anymore that he wouldn’t. All that is past you.

“Thank you, Chris.” You say loudly, but without malice. “If you have nothing else to add, I think we’re done here.”

“Of course,” he whispers. He closes his eyes, and the next time he opens them, all those previous emotions are gone. Like no part of the last several minutes happened. He leaves your office door open, just as it had been when he’d come in.

And as you look up, you notice two sets of eyes watching you from the hallway. It is Elizabeth, and her friend and fellow grad student, Letitia. They watch you with pity. You want to be done with that. You force a smile to them, and then close your office door.

_______________________________________________________________________

Two hours later, all the final grades are submitted, and your stomach aches for something to eat. After the day you’ve had, maybe you’ll pick up Italian on your way home. You deserve large amounts of wine and pasta.

As you’re walking on the path to the parking lot, the sun setting around you, you hear feet pound against the pavement behind you. Looking over your shoulder, you see Sebastian jogging toward you. ‘Hey (Y/N),” he calls out. You slow your pace so he can catch up.

He takes a moment to catch his breath, his hair is all messed up. The soft and fluffy look works for him. But then you chide yourself for noticing that.

Once he composes himself, there’s an apologetic smile smeared across it. “Look, I’m sorry about how I acted toward you at Thanksgiving. I didn’t know what was going on with you and Chris.”

If you’re done with the pity, you’re done with this too. “Don’t mention it, Seb.” He grins at you, his eyes crinkling as his apologetic face disappears. “Yeah, I’m trying out the nickname.”

“Good. But are you sure? I was absolutely a dumbass about you two this semester.”

“Sebastian. It’s over. I’m done with Chris. I’m walking into winter break ready to be done with this last semester. I’m ready for something new.” He watches you, his eyes wide. He must notice that you're serious because he settles into a nod.

“Okay. I’m right there with you. My semester has been messy too.”

You quirk a brow at him, wondering how messy his semester could have been compared to yours. What, was he living up to his reputation by sleeping with his TA too? Or did Chris say that to scare you away from him?

“Look, I’m going to tell you a secret, (Y/N). And when I meant messy, I meant messy.” You watch him as he looks around the campus to see if anyone is nearby. “I know Chris has already suspected part of it, but while he was with you, Jennifer was with me.”

Instinct takes over and you slap his arm.

“Hey, they were on a break. And she’d been flirting with me for a whole year!”

You want to be mad at him for him sleeping with his friend’s wife. He violated a serious code of friendship. But for some reason you can’t. And you’re feeling something dangerously close to relief.

You can’t stop yourself, you laugh, loudly. If anyone else had been around, their lives would have been interrupted by the sound.

“I can’t tell if you’re taking this well.”

You smile at him genuinely. “I am actually. And I feel almost sort of, relieved?”

“Oh, have my fuck ups made yours feel less bad?” You wouldn’t have called your relationship with Chris a full fuck up. You didn’t regret it like that. But Sebastian wasn’t wrong. You reach the parking lot where your cars are and he turns on his heels. He gives you a little bow, “I’m so happy my stupidity could be of service.”

You pull your keys out, ready to unlock your car. “Thank you for that, Sebastian.”

“By the way, keep working on that.” He leaves your side as he heads for his vehicle.

“Working on what?”

He unlocks his car from his key fob as he pivots. “My nickname. I want to make sure you have it down for next semester.”

“Is it really that important?”

He gives you the most devious smile you’ve ever seen from him. And from the time you’d spent together, he’d given you many. “It is to me. I prefer that all my TA’s are comfortable enough to treat me as a friend.”

Your jaw drops. You hadn’t heard who Robert was pairing you up with for next semester. You knew it wouldn’t be Chris, but you’d been hoping that he might give you a semester off of assisting.

This time his laugh rang out through the campus.

“Yes (Y/N). Take the break to recharge and prepare. We’re gonna have a hell of a time teaching creative writing next semester.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Tags: @irishdancr24 @lostboyinneverland @captainmarvels @suz-123 @funlizzie02-blog @void-imaginations @cryingovershipsthatneversailed @breezykpop @jcc04220 @nys30 @jonsnowisnotdeadthough @guera31 @wickedcitywitch @london-dreamer71 @patzammit @lilypalmer1987 @talannalew @thatonetuesdaywhensam @supperunnatural20 @evanstanfanatic @lucinapomona @r5rocks101 @dolphinpink310 @bojabee @zlixlle @smashley816 @stevieang @youtheheckisbucky @chrisbck @bit-of-a-timelord @sebastian-i-stan @thefridgeismybestie @ssweet-empowerment @sophiealiice @imaginesofdreams @anotherawkwardaustralian @lostxsea

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evak-fic-rec-turtleanon · 4 years

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Evak Fics - Cheating

** Cheating when they're in a relationship with someone else ** One of them cheats when Isak and Even are together 😞 ** Others: Cheating with a twist, or emotional cheating, or they didn't cheat but was cheated on. ** Bonus: Lighter fics

***** CHEAT ON SOMEONE ELSE *****

We Can't Keep Doing This by neelabrenner (563 words) - Isak and Even are in their thirties. They love each other deeply, and they are married - but not to each other. Life keeps bringing them together, and they let themselves be lead.

Worth it by ForEvenAndEver (yuraxchan) (842 words) - Love is always worth it, no matter what.

bruise by evak1isak (1.5k words) - Isak is not out in high school. However, this doesn't prevent him from getting a boyfriend. A boyfriend, who, in theory, is in a relationship with a girl.

Artificial and Colored by stormboxx (1.5k words) - Even and Isak stay in the room for the whole day. Well, almost. Right after the scene 'Hjernen er alene' ('The brain is alone')

Neon Party: Redux by givemesumaurgravy (1.7k words) - what if Noora didn’t come home and interrupt our lovely babies the night of the neon party when they almost kissed in the kitchen?

We're something she can't see by suckmyboardbxtch (1.8k words) - Even and Isak have a little place where they can meet and fall in love with each other, even though Isak is Even's second.

whose world is this by withoutwords (1.8k words) - It’s the same Isak who does his own laundry, and cooks his own dinner, and calls his dad for money. But now he kisses boys.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. by withoutwords (2.2k words) - The walk back to school is long. His head and his feet and his bag feel heavier, and his skin burns with the thought of people staring. Strangers and students and friends all staring, like he has it printed big and bold across his forehead. Homo. Home Wrecker. Loser.

Home by endlessandinfinite (2.8k words) - Isak tastes like happiness. Even tastes like trouble. These are the moments that matter. These are the moments they live for. And Isak is home.

never make him (love me) by eliottlallemants (14k words) - Isak is in love with Even. Even isn't in love with Isak. Or so Even thinks.

If You're Under Him [You Ain't Getting Over Him] by givemesumaurgravy (SERIES, 4 fics) (15k words) - Isak Valtersen is happy. He's finally starting his surgical rotation at the hospital where he hopes to work someday and he's happily married to his best friend. But then Isak meets Even, the intriguing new barista where he gets his daily coffee.

After Hours by rokklagio (SERIES, 5 fics) (15k words) - Even was a habit he just couldn't quit. Set ten years later.

I’ll Love You Forever by shk_1991 (16k words) - Isak and Chris are young and in love in their early 20's, they are going to get married and got their long life in front of them. But then it goes wrong and suddenly all their dreams are gone. Not only for Isak and Chris but also for Sonja and Even. Sonja and Even are in their late 30’s and live in a happy marriage with three children. Their marriage is put to the test when Even falls in love with Isak. The question is whether Even and Isak are ready to give up everything for their love.

You'll Kill Me If You Stop by photographer_of_thoughts (22k words) - Isak decides to go and see the film 'Call Me By Your Name' because he can't turn off his own feelings that have been building for a long time now. He thinks he won't see anyone he knows there because this isn't the kind of film his friends or anyone from Nissen would appreciate. But then he sits next to Even, who is also seeing the film alone.

don't you keep it all to yourself by colazitron (24k words) - AU in which Even didn't need to repeat his last year and instead started working at the coffeeshop Isak passes on his way to school every morning.

A Force of Nature by Laika_the_husband (30k words) - In this story Isak Valtersen is a cheating bastard. He will hurt his wife, his lover and himself in the process.

The Workings of Love by endlessandinfinite (36k words) - “So, you’re in love with me.” Isak nods. “And you’re in love with him.” Isak nods. Jonas laughs humorlessly again.

Legitimate Expectations by champagneleftie (57k words) - It's a good time to be Isak Valtersen. The up-and-coming Norwegian authority on matters of freedom of press, several Supreme Court wins already on his resume - and still barely thirty. He's carved out a place in the world that he never thought he'd reach, but sometimes that place just feels a little too small and rigid. Enter Even.

Only You Can Ease My Mind by martls (85k words) - Or the alternate universe where Isak meets Even at the psychiatric hospital his mom was admitted.

***** CHEAT ON EACH OTHER 😞 *****

all my tears have been used up by wolfsbanex (707 words) - He'd lost the only part of his life that made it worth living because of a couple random fucks. How ridiculous.

When We Were Young by thoughtsafterdark (2k words) - Even and Isak broke up 10 years ago. Isak had just gotten back from New York and his friend Magnus is throwing him a welcome home party. Isak had said specifically NOT to invite Even and Magnus still did.

Liars by endlessandinfinite (3.5k words) - They’re okay. They’re beautiful and tragic and out of control. They lie and cheat - living with broken hearts. But this is it. This is their life.

I can hear your heart crying out for me by Skamtrash (6.1k words) - Isak never thought one intoxicated experience could fuck his life up so much. Isak cheats on Even.

Shatter Me by givemesumaurgravy (6.6k words) - “I’m not going to yell or any of that. I’m just going to make this really fucking awkward and uncomfortable for you.” “W-what?” Even says, sniffling. “I want you to tell me everything that happened,” Isak says.

look how fast the night changes by Skamtrash (7.3k words) - Isak cheats on Even, there's no alcohol, no intoxication. Just a seriously stupid decision.

Im So In Love I Dont Know What To Do by Skamtrash (9.5k words) - Even screwed up when he was drunk and cant hold out from telling Isak any longer.

If It Makes You Happy (Modern Boys part two) by Laika_the_husband (41k words) - Part 2 of Modern Boys series. You should totally read part 1 before this. Set in the 90s. Isak is torn between familiar but unattainable Jonas and dangerous but perfect Even.

Love is a battlefield by Minutebyminute (56k words) - Isak and Even have been drifting apart for a long time. Love conquers all. Love defeats all. Sometimes love pulls you apart. Sometimes for a period in time, sometimes forever. And sometimes love is a battlefield.

All Stories Are Echoes by sebastianL (felix_atticus) (123k words) - This is about potential--realized or not--memory, bravery, movies, accidents, and the nature of stories. Also love, because what other kind of story could it be?

***** OTHERS *****

The lie I didn’t have to tell. by verlore_poplap (orphan_account) (925 words) - Isak has an adultery kink that Even is happy to oblige.

Just This Once by writeawaydays (3.1k words) - Isak finds out his boyfriend has been cheating on him, so he invites the cute guy that's been watching him at school up to his apartment looking for rebound sex.

The Boy Who Likes Isak's Smile by wyoheartsmusic (7.6k words) - Isak is heartbroken and there is a boy who is very determined to make him smile.

Lyrics and Life by Midlifecrisis (7.9k words) - Not sure how to describe this one. Established relationship. Cheating and not cheating? They are very much in love.

Just not right now by cuteandtwisted (8.1k words) - No cheating but maybe emotional cheating? Ish? "You can't... We can't.. It's not right." Isak settles into an unhealthy longterm relationship with his busy lawyer boyfriend and convinces himself that happiness is not for him. Enter his boyfriend's childhood friend: Even.

I Dare You to Love Me by photographer_of_thoughts (8.4k words) - Isak and Even do not meet in high school but they do meet at Isak's wedding...to someone else. But there's no cheating. based on the movie "Imagine Me and You"

(WIP) On the Edge of the Night by Laika_the_husband - So this is a complicated one. This story will explore Isak, Jonas and Even from high school to adulthood. There will be no good people here. Nor bad people. Just people. Every protagonist is also an antagonist, and themselves are their greatest enemies.

something sweet (to mend your heart) by cuteandtwisted (22k words) - In which Isak becomes jaded after he gets cheated on and copes using sarcasm and humor. He's determined to end the school year without drama and avoids his ex and all his awful friends at all costs. Well, all of them except maybe half-decent Even Bech Næsheim, who's somehow determined to earn his friendship and fix his heart.

Self Control by nofeartina (28k words) - “I never meant to hurt you, Isak.” Without any pause Isak replies, “Well, you did.” He looks him in the eyes, and continues. “You fucked me up, Even." 10 years later Even comes back to Oslo and Isak has a boyfriend. No cheating but maybe some emotional cheating. Kinda.

Reflections by Laika_the_husband (30k words) - Isak and Even break up and Isak gets a new boyfriend. But Even is very much still in the picture.

No day without it by skambition (32k words) - His hair was a little shorter than Even was used to, and his face had gotten even more beautiful over the last 10 years. The same amazing cheek bones, the same cute little nose, the same flawless, pale skin. And his lips. Those goddamn lips. They brought back memories that Even had tried to forget about for like 10 years now, memories of laughing, smiling, kissing.

and this mist, it makes it hard to see by vesperthine (36k words) - Emotional cheating mostly. In a way, it was escapism. In others, not so much. But Even has only been there for three months when Isak shows up. And it makes a mess out of everything, while other things settle into place.

what i like about you by cammm (44k words) - Insane infatuations turns into a short lived mutual distaste. Until that mutual distaste quickly shifts into something more. Isak has a boyfriend.

Minute by Minute by Lisa94 (56k words) - Isak is angry at the world after his ex Julian cheated on him. But he can´t escape his life or his ex. He needs the help of his friends to find to himself again. (Basically Isak going through the five stages after a break-up)

(WIP) I Can Hardly Breathe by Flatfootmonster - In this universe, Even and Sonja married, so I shouldn't really need to tag infidelity as it is implied (but who is being unfaithful? *dramatic drum roll*)

The Weight Of Us by verlore_poplap (orphan_account) (81k words) - I believe this is a complicated one. It's been a long time since I read it. Isak gets engaged to Emma. Even is married to Sonja. And then a bunch of things happen. Even's sister has cancer

Twice by intothewind (101k words) - Kinda with a twist but also not (shrug emoji). “I told them we were dating, so they’d let me in their band.” Jonas states, shrugging his shoulders like it’s the most nonchalant thing in the world.

***** BONUS *****

FIFA madness by Bellakitse (1.4k words) - Even and Isak are playing FIFA, when Even questions Isak's awesomeness at playing the game. Isak is going to prove him wrong, or he would if Even could keep his hands to himself.

That was cheating by yourfriendlyneighbourhoodme (1.4k words) - As part of Kose group's team building, Isak finds himself dragged on a Laser Tag trip which turns out to be more exciting than he hoped, thanks but no thanks to a certain Even Bech Næsheim.

this is what it's like to be lovers by moonlightphan (4.1k words) - where Isak and Even have a conversation about micro-cheating, and their boundaries.

#evak fic rec #skam fic rec #cheating #there's a lot of pain in this one #i made myself sad when skimming through some of these #i only have myself to blame #but the the angst is so good

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