#it would be interesting to write a story that involves both their perspectives and then the very end is -

[lieutenantselnia]

I randomly decided to dig out my old dream diary and I'm literally howling with laughter right now about some of the stuff I wrote down there😂😂 So much mildly cursed but in hindsight also extremely hilarious stuff😭😂

For context, I've been wanting to learn lucid dreaming for a long time (still can't do it unfortunately), and for a while during my teenage years I actually tried writing a dream diary to learn remembering my dreams more clearly (according to my notes I actually managed to even get a few semi-lucid dreams!). Most of these are from the first half of 2018, when I actually managed to write down my dreams consistently for a couple months, plus a few from 2019 and early 2020, in total about 20 dreams. I thought it might be funny to share some of the most hilarious, cursed or just really random moments from them:

I met with people that I either went to school with at the time or used to go to school with before, and we had to participate in various competitions or challenges, usually it was either something absurdly dangerous and cruel or something extremely embarrassing. That sort of stuff occurred in multiple dreams, like one time we were in the sports hall of my old primary school and had to kill each other with spears, another time me and some classmates were participating in a challenge of some random YouTuber and had to jump from a really high tower into a bath tub (which had no water in it but a trampoline).

We had to present our short film projects in English class (this is something we actually did in real life), and one group did a retelling of "The Lion King" where Timon died at the finale and that was just how the film ended. Also General Burkhalter from Hogan's Heroes was there as a film critic. He liked that ending even though most other people were just really confused about it.

I met Heinrich Himmler and Reinhard Heydrich on a Christmas market and they were a gay couple and I took stupid selfies with them (what the fuck). In another dream Himmler was together with Joseph Goebbels instead, but before I woke up they told me it was actually just a prank and when I looked at the date it was suddenly April Fool's Day.

On my 15th birthday (in real life) I dreamed that it was summer and Christmas at the same time. (I live in the northern hemisphere so that doesn't happen here. Also my birthday is obviously not at Christmas.)

So. Many. Dreams. About. Thrawn. I swear about half of all the dreams I wrote down were just about me being in love with Thrawn and trying to get together with him, the nonsense level of the surrounding scenarios usually varying. There are too many to explain them all, but one of my favourite quote from one of the diary entries is probably "Thrawn and I had an ugly child", it's just so blunt and random😭 In another dream Thrawn randomly had a beard and I lowkey hated it, and in another he turned out to just be a human guy with make-up and I was super disappointed when I woke up.

A bunch of doctors and scientists were investigating our garden pond and randomly found the corpse of a blue-haired girl, but they weren't interested in her at all and just threw her onto our compost heap💀

I was Tony Stark's adoptive daughter (no idea why, I'm not even in the Marvel fandom) and when someone broke into our house to steal his inventions, I tried fighting the guy off and we had a duel with using a pot and a frying pan as weapons. He was arrested and we went eating tacos to celebrate.

Not gonna lie reading through all this madness actually makes me want to start writing a dream diary again😂 Like, even if I still don't learn lucid dreaming, at least I'll have something to laugh about again in a few years xD

[incendiorum-arch]

i've come to a recent and terrible realization about both azzy and io and how i need both of their stories to converge and also continue afterwards

[rafecamerons-national-anthem]

𝐻𝐸𝒜𝒟𝒞𝒜𝒩𝒪𝒩-𝒩𝐼𝒞𝐻𝒪𝐿𝒜𝒮 𝒜𝐿𝐸𝒳𝒜𝒩𝒟𝐸𝑅 𝒞𝐻𝒜𝒱𝐸𝒵 𝒜𝒮 𝒜 𝐵𝒪𝒴𝐹𝑅𝐼𝐸𝒩𝒟

Boyfriend!Nicholas seems to value genuine connections and would likely be the kind of boyfriend who truly listens. He’d remember the small things, your favorite coffee order, a random story you told, or a passing comment about something you love. Whether you’re having a tough day or celebrating a big achievement, he'd be right there with you, offering his full attention.

Boyfriend!Nicholas seems like he enjoys trying new things and living in the moment. He’d want to plan spontaneous weekend getaways or try out new activities together, from hiking to going to concerts. He’d probably be open to exploring both your interests and his, making life feel exciting and unpredictable.

While he may come across as laid back in real life, I imagine Boyfriend!Nicholas as a boyfriend would have a romantic side. He’d surprise you with handwritten notes, flowers "just because," or plan cozy nights where you can binge watch your favorite shows together. The little gestures would mean a lot to him.

Despite his growing fame, he seems pretty grounded and humble. In a relationship, he’d value honesty and clear communication. Boyfriend!Nicholas wouldn’t play games or leave you guessing how he feels; instead, he’d be direct but kind, always working to build a strong foundation of trust.

Boyfriend!Nicholas would be the type of boyfriend who encourages you to chase your dreams and passions. Whether it's supporting your career goals, a personal project, or a hobby, he’d be your biggest cheerleader, helping you stay motivated and believing in you when you doubt yourself.

Boyfriend!Nicholas strikes me as someone who balances being serious and having fun. There would be deep, late night conversations about life and what you both want out of it, but there would also be moments where he just makes you laugh, doing silly impressions or cracking inside jokes.

While not overbearing, Boyfriend!Nicholas would be protective of you in a thoughtful way. He’d be the kind of boyfriend who makes sure you feel safe and respected, standing up for you if needed but never smothering you.

Beyond emotional support, Boyfriend!Nicholas would value meaningful conversations. He’d enjoy discussing books, films, and philosophies that provoke deep thought. He’d ask about your perspectives on things, showing genuine interest in how you see the world. Whether it's debating a plot twist in a show or discussing current events, your intellectual bond would be just as strong as your emotional one.

Boyfriend!Nicholas would definitely have a playful side, teasing you in a lighthearted, affectionate way. He’d make silly bets or jokingly challenge you to random games, like seeing who can cook the best meal or who’s better at a particular sport. He’d probably have a mischievous smile when he’s trying to get you to laugh, making the relationship feel lively and fun.

Boyfriend!Nicholas seems like someone who deeply values family. He’d be the kind of boyfriend who’s excited for you to meet his family and would take an active interest in getting to know yours. He'd likely enjoy spending time at family gatherings and might even get involved in family traditions, showing respect for what’s important to you.

Boyfriend!Nicholas might express his love through acts of service. Whether it’s picking up your favorite snacks after a long day, helping with something you're stressed about, or offering to take care of a task you’ve been dreading, he’d find small ways to make your life easier. His kindness would often show up in practical ways.

Because Boyfriend!Nicholas is artistic and has a background in acting, he’d probably enjoy adding a creative flair to the relationship. Maybe he’d write you a poem, record a cute video message when you’re apart, or plan a surprise date that’s inspired by a favorite movie or shared memory. His creativity would keep the relationship exciting and unpredictable.

Boyfriend!Nicholas would be the kind of boyfriend who fully supports your independence. He’d encourage you to take time for yourself and pursue your own interests and friendships outside of the relationship. He’d understand the importance of maintaining individuality while also building something strong together, never wanting to make you feel smothered or confined.

Boyfriend!Nicholas would likely approach conflict with a calm and patient demeanor. If you ever argued, he’d want to talk things through thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. He’d make sure that both sides are heard and understood, always striving for a resolution that makes you both feel good about the relationship.

Being someone who seems focused on self care, he’d probably be a positive influence when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle. Boyfriend!Nicholas wouldn’t push it on you but might encourage activities like working out together, eating well, or practicing mindfulness. He’d want you to feel good, physically and mentally, and would be there to support you in that journey.

Though Boyfriend!Nicholas might have a bit of an adventurous streak, suggesting hikes, spontaneous road trips, or trying out new experiences, he’d also have a soft, homebody side. He’d enjoy the balance of adventure and quiet nights in, where you could unwind together with a good movie or book, showing that he doesn’t always need excitement to feel connected.

Boyfriend!Nicholas would likely be someone who fully respects and supports your ambitions. He’d understand if you have busy schedules or demanding projects, and he’d never want to hold you back. In fact, he’d be there to remind you of your strengths when you feel uncertain and would always celebrate your achievements as if they were his own.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

We Are and the evolution of Thai BL tropes

The QL discord started a rewatch of My Engineer a few weeks ago, and damn, has it been an interesting experience. At the time I originally watched My Engineer, there was little that stuck out to me, because so much of what happened felt so incredibly common in a lot of the (admittedly rather limited) number of BLs being produced. It felt like pretty standard fare.

But going back and watching it in juxtaposition with We Are airing has been so fascinating. This genre has been evolving, y'all.

As much as we all joke about always getting more university BLs, there is something to be said for a format that can be used as something of a metric for the genre. And though there's only four years between My Engineer and We Are, seeing them both at once gives me such an incredible appreciation for the direction the genre is going in, the impact of having more queer voices involved in the creation of QLs, and how there's a lot of good we can find in seemingly simple spaces.

Obligatory disclaimer: This is just my perspective and subjective interpretation of what I have seen as a BL viewer of some time; also I don't have time to go in and do a university deep dive, so this isn't a real analysis, but more of a brief writeup of observations.

Trends are not black and white, of course, there is a spectrum. I'm sure we'll suffer through more Dinosaur Loves. At the same time, having such predominant production companies as GMMTV putting effort into hiring queer creatives and subverting old cliche tropes is an encouraging thing. (Especially as they were the creators of the original university trendsetting BL with Sotus).

Note: For newer QL viewers, I highly recommend @absolutebl for brushing up on trope history. For university BLs in particular, this post and this post are great starting primers.

Let's talk tropes!

Ok, one more note - some tropes are being what I would consider subverted, some more adapted to a newer framework, and some just played with - I'm going to talk about how they appear to me, but I'm not going to be super pedantic over it, because this is just for fun.

Trope: Bullying/hazing behavior

This did not age well in My Engineer, and I would guess hasn't aged well in a number of BLs (and other media, because the whole "he's mean to you because he likes you" bullshit has been around forever). Not just because the behavior was shitty, but because it was played off in the script as cute, and implied that it was completely justified for the seme to do whatever he wanted in his pursuit of his uke.

(There was also quite a strong tone of internalized homophobia, with the lead feeling more comfortable in expressing his interest through harassment than honest emotion, but the show never actually engaged with that in any meaningful way.)

We Are sets up a very traditional enemies to lovers/bullying start to the story, with Phum taking advantage of Peem's economic situation to make him his "slave".

And yet... there's some important elements here that make this more than the standard use of the trope.

Phum keeps it pretty light in his bullying behavior, and clearly is using it more to keep Peem around as company, versus the kind of bullying in My Engineer, where Duen is literally hit by a car, and yet still expected to keep jumping to Bohn's whims.

As soon as Phum realizes he really upset Peem by leaving him waiting at the mall, he genuinely feels awful about it. It's clear that his intent is not to cause harm, and that he has a conscience. He wrestles with his feelings on it quite a bit, and it ends up being the thing that gets Phum to finally express an honest emotion with Peem.

And most importantly, the script does not let him off the hook. His behavior is bad, and is identified as such by the writing. Peem pushes back and is shown to be right to do so, Beer openly says he disapproves.

So instead of a cliche story beat that's used just to start the action, or a seme who's allowed to do whatever he wants because "passion" (blech), we're seeing it used for characterization, giving us important beats about who both Phum and Peem are in how they engage with each other through the use of the trope.

Trope: Obsessive/jealous behavior

Oh, this one was painful in My Engineer. Duen couldn't even talk to another human being without Bohn getting jealous and angry and dragging him away.

Phum gets jealous, particularly around Kluen, but what makes it feel so subversive here are two key things.

Phum's jealousy has a purpose here, it's not just for drama's sake. It's not the cliche seme doing whatever he wants and being treated as justified. It's deliberately being used to explore his insecurities, and give him a challenge to overcome. Phum doesn't stomp over and drag Peem away, he retreats, he hides. When his jealousy causes him to lash out at Peem, he is immediately aware he fucked up.

And again, the script is making it clear that this behavior is not ok. Peem chides Phum when he acts unkind to Kluen, and Beer makes it clear that the solution is not petty behavior, but actually figuring out a way to communicate his feelings with Peem before he misses his chance. This is portrayed as a barrier for Phum to overcome in order to be with Peem, not an expected part of a romantic relationship.

Trope: Friendship group

There are not enough words to express how much I love the friendship group in We Are. To be fair, this is one of the better historical tropes. We've gotten a lot of amazing friend groups, even in mediocre BLs.

But it's still different in We Are, for one simple reason. In most university BLs, the friend group is a supporting structure. But here?

The story lines may be about the romance, but the point of We Are is the friendship.

I will die on this hill, y'all.

I don't have enough time to go into it fully here, but this show is a love letter to friends. It's a tribute to finding the people who see the real you and have your back unconditionally. Who cheer your successes and commiserate over your defeats, who pick you up when the world knocks you down, who call you out when you make mistakes, and push you to be better.

And romance is lovely, but all of these budding relationships are about being friends first, and then lovers, because that friendship is just as important as everything else, if not more.

Trope: Pink milk

Lol, ok, kinda kidding, kinda not. I know we all got mad over the drink wastage, but also check out these visuals - it's about diversity baby!!

TanFang speed round

My two little trope-busting bebes. These two are already so beautifully non-traditional in their composition, but I love how frequently they are used to make fun of and play with tropes just on their own.

Introduced as pining crush/friend's older brother pair, but actually secret enemies to lovers.

Grumpy/sunshine pairing, where the sunshine used to be a fighter, and grumpy smiles when he thinks no one is watching.

Wound-tending where they keep poking each other instead of acting soft.

Openly mocking the jealous boyfriend trope.

Setting up the possessive trope when Tan doesn't pick up Fang's calls, only to immediately have Fang question if he's being unreasonable.

Setting up their own cute eating scene for kicks.

"First time" sex scene making it clear this is anything but their first time.

Tan holding Fang down in the cliche possessive pose, only for Fang to take the agency of kissing Tan. (And overall saying eff off at the cliche top/bottom roles old BLs were such a fan of).

In Summary

I'm sure there are more tropes that will come to me, and we do still have 5 episodes left of We Are, so there are some potential trope uses that I am keeping an eye on. This is by no means an all-inclusive list.

But I wanted to write this, because I was genuinely shocked to realize how different my My Engineer watching experience was this time compared to my first time. How over the last few years I'd come to expect more thoughtfulness in my QL media, even in the ones that seem shallow on the surface.

Considering how fast and furious the QLs are coming these days, it's easy to forget how recent it was that we were much more starved of content. And I think sometimes we forget to take in the big picture, of how far we've come in just a few years.

Critique is always going to be important, of course, it's part of what helps us make progress. At the same time, it doesn't hurt to take a moment to look around and see some good in where we are.

@sailorbryant thanks for the push to get this written! Feel free to add thoughts!

[horsesource]

@lungfuls There are nonspeaking authors I would definitely recommend for insight into nonspeaking ways of being and meaning making—Tito Mukhopadhyay, Amy Sequenzia, Ido Kedar, Emma Zurcher-Long, DJ Savarese, Lucy Blackman, and Naoki Higashida are some of the “big” names. But of course there are plenty of nonspeaking people who will never learn to write (maybe because of physiology, maybe because they’re interested in other ways of making meaning!), which I think is a crucial point a lot of facilitated communication advocates conveniently ignore..

My perspective on autism starts with the standard observation that "normal" human subjectivity is mediated through language and cultural concepts and conventions, which sets us apart from other animals. This symbolic realm of communication relies on absence, not presence (linguistic meanings point to more linguistic meanings, not directly to the world) and on exchangeability/translatability (we can use different words to "mean the same thing")

What sets autistic subjectivities apart, specifically nonspeaking and minimally speaking autistic subjectivities, is that these subjectivities lean heavily on signs rather than symbols. What differentiates the two is that signs have a concrete referent ("smoke means fire" being a primary example). It's not that autistic subjectivity isn't mediated by language at all, but that's it's mediated in radically different ways, ways that attend to the capacity of language to "mean" outside of conventional reasoning. "Normal" children grow up and have their subjectivity increasingly mediated by symbolic concepts. This is helpful in many ways--when driving a car, for example, it's helpful to not be fully attuned perceptively to every little thing that's going on, or else you'd crash the car. You need a certain distance from what is real—you’re driving a giant machine extremely fast through the world! But with that said, long story kinda short, I think normative symbolic reasoning has hypertrophied to a point where a lot of "normal" people feel like living dead (our "world" is so linguistically mediated that we feel detached from presence). And on the other hand, there are a lot of speaking people with immense amounts of anxiety who feel like there is something wrong with them because they are unable to adequately wield reason to "get on" symbolically. And I think that without recognizing that our ways of making meaning/having our world mediated through language have become ill, it's pointless to try to point to individuals as if they have faulty mechanisms for meaning-making.

My line through this is that I was “late-diagnosed” with autism “level 1” (formerly Asperger’s) and I was reading everything I could get my hands on trying to make explanatory sense of autism. I felt a sense of symbolic belonging through the category of autism for a few months or something. But I quickly became dissatisfied with this, because I felt alienated from both sides of "the spectrum"--I'd never met a nonspeaking person, and I still felt incredibly anxious talking to speaking people diagnosed with autism, even though these were supposedly people I shared an identity with. So, I started working with nonspeaking autistic people. And what I found is that it is a tremendous relief to realize that there are ways of being with people that involve direct presence, ways of being with people where I'm not half-elsewhere trying to wrack my mind for reasonable words to respond to them with. People who sing and chirp more than they talk people who talk through hand rubs and nose touches and forehead presses. To me, what autism is are the aspects of humanity not entirely captured by the symbolic, as well as the aspects of the symbolic that can't be exhaustively explained through symbolic means (the feeling of poetic rhythm for example)

[weiila]

Hookay. So.

I find the way this magazine refers to Ozzie really interesting. "Eternal bachelor" indicates that there is some confusion or annoyance with him being unmarried, which leans more towards annoyance with the "heart hoarded". (Also indicates that Ozzie probably have been waaay better to keep on the downlow with his past partners but Fizz just does that to him.)

Now obviously this is a trashy gossip mag, but it still indicates that whoever wrote or edited, or even owns the publication, feels or senses that there's a general feeling somewhere that Ozzie should commit, and also commit to somebody in his own league - or even somebody specific.

Which is weird because the only Sin we know of that has been married is Lucifer, so what's the deal with being bothered about Ozzie not being married? BUT who have been shown to be a wee bit traditionally obsessed with political marriage and old fashioned court intrigue nonsense? Them birbs. And since Ozzie is the only Sin (that we know) who is bird-like, there could very well be a sense among the Ars Goetia that he "belongs" (in both senses of the word) to them more than the other sins.

What I'm trying to say is we've seen Fizz get unwanted attention and being physically attacked, but if there are to be more threats headed their way as Mammon so slyly I'm-totally-not-gonna-leave-without-making-it-seem-like-I-have-the-upper-hand-even-if-I-don't-have-a-plan-I'm-just-a-pathetic-abuser-desperately-needing-to-validate-myself-by-being-scary hinted at, it would be logical that it would be aimed at Ozzie somehow because Fizz has already had his difficulties and it just makes more sense from a writing perspective.

It would also make more sense for a threat towards Ozzie to be more political - but it may very well still take a similar form as what Fizz faced, just in a different cloth. Ozzie is big, powerful and imposing when he wants to be, unlike Fizz, so their challenges need to be different. Ozzie's battles have to be something that can't be punched (until it can be).

If the Ars Goetia is in for a big ol' narrative smackdown (after we all get our hearts ripped from our chests of course), it would have the bonus of opening up for Ozzie and Fizz to keep being part of Stolas' and Blitz' story because Stolas will definitely be/need to get involved in the court drama and Blitz ain't gonna stay out either.

[salmonskinrolltf]

On Gay-To-Straight TF Stories

I’ve been seeing a lot of comments flying around regarding gay-to-straight transformations, so I thought I’d establish my personal code of ethics and perspective on this type of story, just so anybody reading my work is on the same page.

I am a proud gay man and in no way wish to be straight. Gay conversion is torture and it does not work, full stop.

However, my perspective is that erotic TF fiction exists in the realm of fantasy, where every aspect of the story is depicted in a controlled environment that cannot physically harm the reader or the writer, allowing for a safe exploration of different expressions of sexuality. This is why rape fantasies can be popular in erotic fiction, even with readers for whom sexual assault is a major source of fear and worry. The tacit consent involved in choosing to read a story containing those elements goes a long way in establishing a healthy and safe approach to the material.

For me, where my interest in gay-to-straight stories comes from is the idea of opposites. I love sending my characters from one end of the spectrum to another. Preppy to jock, twink to daddy, city boy to redneck, and so on. It’s also fun to play with the way stereotypical masculinity does or doesn’t coincide with sexuality.

Gay to straight and straight to gay are both huge turn-ons for me as far as sending a character to the other end of a spectrum. This is not because heterosexuality is any better than homosexuality, or vice versa. It’s just because, for me, the core of transformation is completely uprooting the physical and mental identity of a character. In the same vein, I personally also like corrupting the mindset of a character when I can, stripping away the moral and ethical framework through which they view the world. However, I have made an effort to avoid including triggering hate speech that would take a reader out of the fantasy by getting too real.

You may have noticed that I take the same slightly softened approach with the sexuality of my straight characters. While turning gay characters straight is a good time, I don’t actually have any interest in cis men having sex with cis women. Thus, my straight characters essentially operate more as asexual douchebags than genuine straight people. This is not the case with some other G2S writers, and that is OK too! It’s all about us exercising our creativity in the name of TF and expressing our sexuality and writing abilities in unique and fun ways.

While physical safety is inherently guaranteed by fantasy erotica, emotional safety is just as important, and the needs of each reader vary widely from person to person. If reading G2S stories is triggering for you, I completely understand. I have always tried to tag my stories that are G2S, but I sometimes forget all the tags I’m using at any given time, so going forward, I am going to try and do better about marking any G2S stories at the top of the post in addition to the tags. I want to give people the chance to opt out of reading them, but I have no intention of stopping writing them, and I hope this piece effectively explains my reasoning. 

For those who continue on the ride with these particular stories (which are just one subsection of everything I write), I have plenty of masculinity and sexuality fuckery coming your way.

[subjectredacted]

y'all i am so bad at checking in and posting on tumblr, but!!! i really must scream on every platform because LOOK AT IT LOOK AT IT LOOK AT IT waaaaaAAAAAA look at this beautiful cover art for my fanfic, illustrated by the amazing @fritzmetzger !!!

If you'd like to check out the fic, it's over here on ao3!

More thoughts and feelings, and talk about how this wonderful artistic collaboration came to be under the cut:

Back in December in the Alan Wake Book Club server, I asked for some kind of writing prompt with intentions of just writing a little drabble to practice. Fritz gave me this: "caseywake, brutal gore necrophilia" and I went alright cool, let's get brutal and weird because I love horror and it's a great chance to play in the space. I started thinking about ideas and began writing and the drabble idea turned into something bigger. A multi-chapter endeavor. Because: I wanted to have Alan kill Casey over and over again but I also wanted him to have to sit and live with the building distress and emotions involved in this, especially when it came to potentially romantic and lustful feelings involving a corpse. (I also found myself wanting to write about Alan as a few different kinds of monsters as a way to play around even more with the horror of it all.)

The more I thought about the dreams, the more I also thought about how I wanted to frame this story and how it would bleed out into both Alan and Casey's real lives. Because the experiences are happening as shared dreams, it's been interesting to think about the short-and-long-term impact that they have on the two of them, and how the dreams interplay with their emotional states and relationships with those around them.

The fic is still very early on right now (i'm taking a little break from writing chapter four as we speak), but I have lots of plans outlined (and I also continue to welcome in new ideas to this both when I am and am not working on it) for the future. If I had to estimate right now... 20 or so more chapters to go based on the current ideas I have outlined right now. After a certain point in the story, we'll also be exploring Casey's side of the dreams to see what his perspective is on what is happening, and I am VERY much looking forward to their eventual realization that all of these strange and grotesque moments were shared over the years once they finally meet face-to-face in 2023.

For anyone reading the fic, the fabled necrophilia is coming very soon! (Chapter 5, unless Casey wants to get another chapter in beforehand. If that happens, it will be chapter 6!)

if you read all my rambling, thank you!! pls join me in will smith posing at this amazing art by fritz!!!! RRRRAAAAAAAA

[yazthebookish]

A Mate Rejection storyline is an easy cop out if you want a mated character to end up with someone that is not their mate.

It CAN be an interesting storyline if we get the opportunity to explore the dynamics and the journeys of the mated pairing to understand what got them to decide not to pursue a soul-level bond.

But from a storytelling perspective for this series in particular? It has implications for several reasons:

1. Each book is confirmed to be a standalone following different couples that deal with their own arc that also gets tied to the overarching plot.

2. Each interconnected standalone is confirmed to be a HEA, and in the bookish community a mate rejection is unpopular because it's a miserable trope. That's why it's rare in books and when a mate rejection happens in the story, it's usually accompanied by second chance romance OR if there is foul play which the narrative reveals the real mate—that's why you would really count on the possibility of a fake bond or a secondary bond plot to make this work (which re-emphasizes on the appeal of the mating bond trope).

3. How would a rejection be explored if it lacks the POV of one of the characters involved in it? And we know each book is going to be dual POV. Are going to wait for one character to explore it on their own in one book and the other character explores and deals with the rejection in the following book? That would not only be waste of page time, but also would be a bore. If it's expected that it's easy to move on from a soul-level bond, it cheapens the concept of a mating bond.

4. Elain and Lucien are kind of in a stagnant situation where there wasn't much that was explored with their mating bond and I think this has to do with their current journeys—Mor said both Elain and Lucien need to figure out who they want to be and where they want to be before dealing with anything else—that sounds to me like they're in parallel journeys. This is important because how are you expecting the author to write a compelling rejection story for something that wasn't even explored much? Just ask Elain to say the word "No" and that's it? Isn't it a waste of a storyline. It's not interesting. There are no stakes.

I think if Sarah plans to ever do a Mate Rejection storyline (which I doubt it it's not popular), she would have to do it in a Multi-POV series like Throne of Glass where we follow the journey of these characters through multiple books. That could offer a better story without cheapening the concept of the Mating Bond which is literally the trademark of her series.

The formula for which Sarah called the books a traditional romance route meaning that the characters will go through their journeys and experience all the ups and downs of their relationship to attain their Happily Ever After in the end.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

[stormblessed95]

Who Thoughts and Theories

First, it's such a good song. I'm genuinely so in love with it, with Jimins vocals, with his dance, with his backup dancers. I'm so impressed with how hard he worked and all the choices he contributed to it. While this is the only song on the album that Jimin doesn't have writing credits on, he was still very much involved in every aspect of the songs creation and it was written with the feelings Jimin wished to portray. I talk briefly about what I believe the overall feelings that Jimin was trying to express in the album Muse, here:

And of course because you should refresh yourself on the song and get that extra stream in before you read....

I'll otherwise just be talking about what I think, my thoughts, my feelings and my theories about Who, the song and the MV in this post. These are of course just my opinions, coming from my perspectives. You are free to agree or disagree as much as you want.

First, I want to say that regardless of the pronouns used in the song, I don't think it has any bearing on Jimins sexuality. People (read: homophobes) cannot use this song as a way to try to say Jimin can't be queer. Not only is that nonsensical and ignoring the fact that Jimin would be closeted if he is queer. But it's also ignoring the way Jimin speaks about the song, which is solely in gender neutral terms. From the original lyrics being "you" instead of "she."

To the way he says "people" instead of "girls/women" about the scene where people walk past him as the options of who he could be looking for. Along with the fact that the billboard with a man's eyes drop right after he sings "who is my heart Waiting for?"

The way that Jimin dances with both men and women and the scene then when they come together, it's absolutely giving west side story. Which is my personal opinion. Which one of the themes of west side story is love striving to rise above the hatred.... And idk about you, but I think that can easily relate to queer love as well. But again, personal opinion only! So this BS that I know everyone rolled their eyes at with the "this proved he is straight" nonsense, is at its core.... Nonsense...

Speaking of his dance, this thread has absolutely nothing to do with what I'll talk about in this post but is so cool and FULL of Jimin appreciation and you should check it out if you want!

Jimin switched aspect ratios of film during his MV of Who. An ARMY linked together all the times he changed ratios, which you can watch here:

As well as going through multiple different types of media: television, comic strips, movie, billboards, etc. Jimin is showing us multiple different storylines within his MV. This same person from above goes into great detail about how all this can show the various details of storylines and storytelling. It's a good read, worth checking out

It's super interesting the way the words play across the screen during certain parts of the MV and how it changes the screen ratios as well. I would love an actual interpretation from Jimin or the MV director over what they actually mean or if it was just in the 90s theme with zero correlation or meanings, but I doubt we will ever get that. So all we can do is guess and make our own interpretations. Which will be affected by our own personal biases. That's the beauty of art though!

The ones I'll point out that I'll say something about are:

Play, both in the corners at times and on the little TV's around the MV

Auto calibration, with the burning wrecked car, where the words flash quickly across the screen at the bottom, right before hand too, the screen ratio had changed again too. And it changes again as he does his partner choreo with the girl

Rewind, which appears during the bridge. Right after the billboard falls and the screen ratio had changed again

And then pause at the very end before the whole screen cuts.... And then we get the end screen with the words play again, basically looping the video, and the Smeraldo Flower

So let's talk about it!

It's interesting that the video basically loops, it's really giving storytelling. Jimin being an actor basically. "Play" being inside the story for the most part. And it's interesting that those parts happen right before a lot of the partnering choreo too. Auto calibration means bringing something back into an acceptable range. Which if we relate this at all to queerness, it's absolutely giving "don't stray too far out of that closet." And it does happen right after Jimin dances with men, before dancing with the woman again. And play is back in the little TV's. It's giving, trying to be perfect and fit into expectations and be in the perfect storybook. And at the end, Jimin is left behind by all the dancers and the billboard drops at "who is my heart Waiting for" and it's clearer and clearer that it really is most likely JKs eyes. If not, it's absolutely a man's eyes and that is screaming queer energy. And even if it is just a promo of some kind, since we don't know the connection between the eyes, JK, "keep going" and AYS yet, it's WILD to put Jikook promo in this type of love song. And yet, these are the two that publicly claimed the song serendipity as theirs. So it tracks.

And when we get to rewind, it's at the same time as he is talking about "people" walking by him as potentials for his perfect match, as well as how he is not able to "match" any of the women he attempts to meet with through dance in his short walk. It is also right after that billboard with ?Jungkook? drops too. Interesting. Trying to get back into the original story perhaps? Perhaps it's not working so well?

Pause. Off. Smeraldo Flower which represents the Truth Untold.... Speaking yourself. Loving yourself. Being true to who you are..... Which is maybe not what was the perfect story that was being depicted through the MV. Who knows! But that is the end. Just to loop around and start again with Play. Where he literally tells us with Muse to "please misunderstand." Again, just interesting. And if you are following my thoughts here, you already know why that is "interesting."

It's giving closeted queer energy and it's giving I like people, not genders and it's giving love.

Which brings me to the very LAST thing I want to talk about. Sorry, I know this is already SO LONG. Jimin is singing amongst natural disasters. So did V and JK actually too. They are singing about declaring love in the middle of some kind of disaster. And I can't stop thinking about that honestly.

It's giving peak grand gesture kinda romance. It's giving intimacy found between two people in love no matter where they are or how loud the world might be around them. It's giving raw and honest declarations of intent and love type vibes. And i just love that they are into and going for that exaggerated confession scene and storybook kinda romance. It's absolutely tracks for who they are as people and the romance they've all talked about wanting too. And who else do we know who always seems to like doing grand gesture type romantic BS for someone else?

Anyway! This is the feeling that people write epic romances about. Your favorite ships? It's the same type of feeling that's inspired here. Let me try to explain this in some kinda way....

It's a trope. "Love conquers all" where it doesn't matter what life throws at you. All the trials, the tribulations, the natural disasters, the normal disasters, any and all shortcomings or failures you might face in life.... The moment of being with the one you love? Of being vulnerable and baring your soul with another person who means the world to you? Making sure they understand how much they mean to you and how much you love them? That's always going to be the most important thing and moment. That is the significance of the intimacy and the romance displayed.

It's the peak, idealistic version of the best relationship you could find yourself in. Nothing and no one matters more than the moments you create with your loved one, even in the middle of a raging horrific apocalyptic disaster ridden world.

And how sometimes, just building up to that confession can make things feel like a horrific apocalyptic disaster ridden world, until you confess. And you let those feelings out. And it's okay. All those disasters quiet down, maybe you even start to enjoy the rain. It was your emotions all along. And then you discover that hey, maybe the reason I'm feeling so calm now is actually BECAUSE of this person I love. Being with them calms my mind, brings me safety, happiness and joy.

Sometimes, in the middle of all the madness and chaos of the world... You are only minutes away from finding that moment with that person that's going to give you something infinite. Something that no natural disaster can destroy or take away from you. Something, and/or someone, so precious.

And there is something so beautiful in depicting this in their love songs. It's inspirational. As well as humorous in regards to Seven. Lol

I'll just finish this off with a link to this twitter user as this moment just came out, and it's about rebirth, but I do low-key agree with them here 😂

And anyway, that was my essay! Lol if you read all of this. Bless you and thank you! You are appreciated! A reminder that this is all just personal opinions. You are free to agree or disagree as you choose!

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 4, Part 1/4 (p. 1358-1522)

Read the previous post here.

After a brief diversion with the Midnight Crew and Felt, it's time to go back to the story proper.

Oh fucking yuck it's that other walkaround flash that uses the story sprites. This one has jank ass combat mechanics in addition to having the same clunky controls as the one in Act 2. Just like that one, this one is also a waste of time. There's no point traversing this and its big ass map.

Wait, is this a Shoop da Whoop reference? God I feel old.

And finally we see Jade's "patron black celebrity": Charles Dutton. Look, I have no clue what Hussie means by any of this. It's just a pattern that I've noticed and nobody else has talked about it before.

Unlike the other kids, Jade always has a somewhat repulsed look on her face whenever she sees her black celebrity. I think she might just be racist, which would explain why she's so xenophobic toward the trolls.

Okay, okay, I'm just joking. Look, Jade is in desperate need of some character traits. At this point, even a negative one would be preferable to nothing at all. Anything to give her modicum of depth.

I wonder what kinds of conversations Vriska or Gamzee would have with Jade. These are things we will never know!

Vriska in particular should've had some meaningful interactions with Jade considering she's the one responsible for her narcolepsy. I'm dumbfounded we never got to see her act more outwardly malicious and cruel toward Jade, or even take a more active role in fucking with her beyond simply putting her to sleep. Vriska isn't exactly known for her subtlety, after all. If she really wanted to put her name on the kids' session and be responsible for all the key events in it, she should've went whole hog.

Perhaps if Hussie had actually planned all this out from the onset, we could've gotten something with more payoff. Recall my earlier post when I said Jade had the makings of a twist villain in these early stages of the story? I'd like to alter and expand upon that with this scenario that I would've implemented in Hussie's place.

Picture this: what if the reason Jade is such a shallow character is due to no fault of her own? What if Vriska had been the one manipulating this human like a meat puppet as her means to infiltrate the kids' session? Pushing the kids to play Sburb in the first place? Her reluctance to give away useful information? All of her intents and motives being masked with overbearing cheerfulness? The fact that she needs "reminders" to keep track of her litany of superficial interests? All Vriska, baby. She has hijacked this kid's brain and is using her as a vehicle to drive the plot forward.

This is back from Act 3, but let's look at how Jade initially reacts to each of her friends and then filter this through Vriska's perspective. John's utter incompetence and Dave's crush on Jade would make them useful idiots in Vriska's scheme. So naturally she reacts positively to both of them.

But she perceives Rose with a single, terse sentence. Rose is the only one who is actively curious about Jade's knowledge of things she shouldn't reasonably know about. This makes her a threat. Vriska would have to put a lot of distance between them in order to keep Rose from uncovering the truth.

And then there are the other trolls. Unbeknownst to them, their efforts to stop Jade would've actually been an internal struggle against one of their own. Vriska would shut them out entirely, not wanting to risk getting them involved with this. All the while, the "real" Jade never gets a chance to express herself because she has been constantly suppressed by an outside agent. Her shallowness would be by design, rather than a consequence of poor writing.

... But I think I'm getting carried away with this tangent. At this point I'm talking about an entirely different comic when this is supposed to be focused on Homestuck. Let's just move on.

So Jade knew about Sburb the whole time, okay. I don't know why it was presented like she didn't at first, but fine whatever. She still continues to be smarmy and coy while John continues to have rocks for brains. Every conversation between these two gives me new insights to the amount of bullshit I'm willing to endure to finish this comic.

I love this line from Dave. Can I get a so true oomfie?

Jade fumbles the SBaHJ reference when someone like Rose could probably recite the entirety of SBaHJ verbatim. In fact, if Rose had fudged up a quote like that, Dave would've shown her no mercy. He holds Jade's hand through it, though, because he's a dumb teenage boy thinking with his dick.

"i got served like a dude on butler island" is a great line. Also, Jade is dismissing Dave getting beat up by Bro as "drama" which, if we're meant to take Dave's domestic situation as legitimate abuse and not a joke, is pretty fucked up.

Dave repeating the whole meteor bit is shut down swiftly because Jade is incapable of keeping up with his patter. Not that I wanted the joke to be repeated anyway, but it's a telling example of how their dynamic works.

Even though Jade and John pesterlogs might be the worst combination out there, Jade and Dave conversations are also pretty damn bad. Dave is normally an entertaining character, but he's squandered in these instances. Jade offers no fun chemistry with him in the same way Rose, or even John sometimes, does. Instead of bouncing his jokes and sarcasm back at him, her obliviousness and naivete causes them to fall flat. She's less a springboard and more of a foam mattress (or smuppet ass, to use a more appropriate metaphor).

And since Dave has a crush on her and wants to appease, he rolls with it and moves along to the next subject without comment. It's like a painfully embarrassing comedy routine where one partner is letting the other flounder on stage.

The trolls act as if certain behaviors like laughing and sarcasm are exclusive to humans, despite us later seeing that such things are normal in their society. It's such a silly bit and I do like it a lot.

Karkat's trolling scheme really is the dumbest plan ever. Also some unfortunate foreshadowing for when he does eventually make shitty diagrams later on.

We needed more moments with the Exiles hanging out and getting to know each other, instead of being pawns to fulfill stupid plot contrivances. It'd make this side-plot infinitely more enjoyable to read.

Note how it's nighttime here when the previous panels with the Exiles were all during the day. This means they must have spent several off-screen hours together by this point. What were they talking about to reach a point where they're all chill with each other? Eh, Hussie deems it unimportant, so we move on!

This is actually a funny moment where Dave allows himself to be a bit of a jerk. I guess even his patience with Jade is wearing thin at this point.

Oh? Rose sounds a little jealous it seems. Dave and Jade get to have a relatively stress-free time playing server and client together. But Rose didn't get to have any of that quality time with Dave because he didn't install his disc until it reached a point where they had only seconds to save her life.

I'm once again thinking about how nice it would've been if Dave had connected to Rose earlier and we could've gotten a lot of banter between them as they navigated the game. Instead we get a lot of toothless slop with Dave and Jade. We were robbed.

Oh shit and Dave snipes right back. He has been getting ignored a lot by both Rose and John, so it's easy to see why he's frustrated. He's mad that Rose isn't putting him as her first priority? God, get a room already.

The last time we saw a conversation between John and Dave was 1,108 pages ago, back in Act 2. John has been ignoring Dave's messages since then. I don't buy the friendship these two supposedly share. If anything, it's extremely one-sided on Dave's end.

This series of pages where PM takes control of the console shows us all the key stuff from the walkaround. This makes it even more unnecessary to actually play it.

This love triangle between the Exiles gets no further attention beyond this moment. Personally I'd have solved it by making all three of them form a polycule, but unfortunately I'm not the one writing this story.

You know, I never gave it much thought before, but why is Grandpa Harley suddenly alive? He doesn't have a dreamself or anything. Nobody revived his corpse. He's just inexplicably wandering the Medium now. If this is ever explained later, I don't remember it.

I know this isn't Mom Lalonde saying this but man... I think it would've had more of an impact if she did say it. Rose never gets to see her mother again, so all she's really left with is this sobering moment of insight that, wherever it is Mom sailed off to, she's doing it for her benefit. That perhaps she's not the cold-hearted, drunken shrew Rose thought she was for her whole life and instead, was just a heavily troubled woman trying her best to be a parent. You never truly know the kind of people your parents are until it's too late, I guess.

None of the kids ever get any closure with their guardians and that's a shame. We never get to view things from their perspectives and they're just glorified NPCs. Bro in particular definitely needed some insight into his inscrutable mind, but Mom also continues to fascinate me. This woman is so full of mystique and contradictions, yet all we ever see of her is fragmented shots from Rose's (heavily biased) point of view.

I wonder what exactly Mom thinks is "best for her child," though. Helping her win the game, surely. She had to have been planning for this moment for most of her life, having known about the countdown in the lab. I wonder if she knew the full extent of what Sburb was going to do, where to go once she got there, and how to help the kids win the game.

Anyway, this panel is definitely a top 10 Rose moment. Or perhaps a top 10 general Homestuck moment, since it has to do with both Rose and Mom. I should be keeping track every time I say this line.

It's very cute how AR contributes to WV's model city. "Begrudgingly" oh come on dude, we all know you're loving this.

These imps must be weak as shit if they're getting bodied by a teenage girl with a pair of blunt knitting needles.

These are some awkward steps transitioning back into the main story, but I remember liking Act 4 the most out of these early Acts. It always stuck out in my mind as what "peak Homestuck" really is, so I can only hope things will get better as we move along. I will say that if we're devoting as much time to Dave and Jade fucking around with the Sburb mechanics as we did with John and Rose, we're in trouble.

Read the next post here.

[deconstructthesoup]

Procrastination and writer’s block (ish) is kicking my ass, but I do have a few very good ideas for some Dead Boy Detectives stuff that I could theoretically have fun with if pressed, so…

Option 1: The Hadestown AU, which means I get to flex my Greek Mythology obsession, write Palaski as wives who are trying to live their domestic dreams but are also both slightly volatile goddesses, go FERAL with angsty and messy Crowcat, and do a little case study of what Edwin and Charles would be like if they got to grow up

Option 2: The Leverage crossover, which would not only mark my first time writing the Leverage crew, but would also mean delving into St. Hillarion’s, exploring Charles and Edwin’s pasts, and Crystal and Niko having to deal with a) being back at school, and b) navigating the UK private school system

Option 3: An in-canon story where a woman buys the lot beneath the agency’s office and turns it into a queer bookstore-slash record store, which piques both Edwin and Charles’s interest; it’d include a lot of ocs, a lot of soft moments, a lot of Jenny and the Alive Girls content, some shenanigans involving a trio of teenage paranormal investigators, and a little outside perspective of the agency, since it’ll mostly be told from the shopkeeper’s perspective (also, a lot of music and book recs)

[rockybloo]

Long rambly post about my perspective on gender...

Being nonbinary has changed my brain chemistry in such a way where I don't see myself as female OR male...which is what many would expect.

Like - if someone refers to me as a girl or with female pronouns, I have sorta built a view of myself like a little cryptid creature piloting a feminine mecha suit, which helps to deal with the constant misgendering I get irl. I don't feel like a girl at all and I never truly did, even as a kid.

And while I may be more comfortable with masculine pronouns (specifically if we are close friends), I could never view myself as wanting to transition to being male because I am more in love with the vibes of masculinity and not the entire package of being a dude.

I will always feel like an outsider to both genders and am just a creature viewing the world of women and men. I know I have more experience with "being" a woman but I can't change how I just do not feel or believe myself to be female. Just like I don't believe I am male.

This is all to say that any "Man vs Woman" stories and conflicts (in a fictional sense, mind you) just doesn't land for me. People are free to write them, you do you, but I have no interest in writing stories that split genders, as someone who doesn't identify as either irl. Especially when, anytime I witness them happen in a story, I am so perplexed and curious like I am watching an national geographic piece on some wildlife.

It's why my main teams for all my stories are mixed genders. It's fun to just toy with this thing that I've since left behind in a way. It's also why so many of my ships happen to involve a guy and a gal. It's like another way of me to toy with genders and their roles in society, especially in terms of how the world expects a relationship between a man and a woman to play out versus how I myself like to make things happen.

I've also learned a long time ago that mainstream media won't write nonbinary characters in a way that satisfies me because nonbinary is such a varied experience. There is no one way to be nonbinary, but mainstream stuff would certainly have you believe so.

It's why I got some nonbinary OCs that are more masculine in appearance (Pluto and Dear) and some that are feminine (Sourpuss).

This is all just a real log winded way of me to say that I am an outsider of gender, viewing the insiders with my little binoculars and a big bucket of popcorn.

[lovelyelbowleech]

Hi, currently in love with your work. I’m on my 4th re-read since I discovered All’s Fair several months ago, and I have you to thank for prolonging my current Atla Hyper-fixation. Back in the building.

I wanted to ask when you started this story, how much did you develop characters like Shen or Kazuma? Were they mainstays since the beginning or did you end up coming up with them and their roles as the story progressed?

In chapter 12 of War Crimes, Shen mentions both his brother and his mother eluding to what happened to them so clearly he had something going for him since he first showed up, and it got me started on this train of thought, wondering just how ingrained in the story you figured they’d be? Cause I don’t see a ton of OCs in fics that affect the story this much, nor are such well rounded characters of their own I forget they aren’t in the actual show.

What made you decide to bring their roles in the story to the forefront?

Also, if you’re still doing the WIP and game;

“Stop” or “Dread” ?

Thanks and keep up the good work! heaps of praise upon thee!

Hello! So sorry its taken an age to respond, being sick knocked it out of me.

4 rereads is a lot! Glad you have enjoyed so much!

In regards to your questions about the OCs – it varies from character to character.

During War Crimes, I started planning War Games and I was torn between using Hakoda as the main adult view point character or making someone new. I felt like Hakoda was going to need to be focused on Sokka and their relationship, so I created Shen. I planned a basic backstory for him (his brother, the fact he was essentially a grown-up child soldier) and then sort of just waited to see how it turned out while writing. I didn't really have an end game for him, although I knew the important beats when it came to his interactions with the kids. It was actually the way I wanted to introduce Suki that was the main influence for the direction his story went and I think the catalyst for him becoming so entwined in the story.

Which leads me to Kazuma.... he did not exist until he was on the page 😅 I needed someone to take Shen to be imprisoned with Suki. So I made Kazuma... I like to give even the small characters a little bit of backstory – even if it never makes it into the fic, it makes them feel more nuanced in my head. So I gave him a bit of personality and a (tragic) back story and then decided I quite liked him. I thought his perspective would be interesting – being in a similar position to Shen but on the Fire Nation side. So I just rolled with it, and then somewhere around his first POV I realised he was exactly what I needed for Azula's story. So he was very much a fly by the seat of the pants character! Although when I got him figured out and how he would be involved with the story things became far more planned and now he is all tied up with plot.

Hua was plotted from the end of War Crimes, but Tu was more flexible. I knew how I was going to use him just not the details. Jianjun has also grown as I have written him. I always knew what I wanted him to do, just not quite how 😂, so he has grown as a character as I write.

It was never my intention to get any of them so wrapped up in the plot, it just sort of happened that way, so I’m rolling with it 😅

Thank you for the ask! And the interest in the OC’s ❤️❤️

I will come back to the ask game when I have written a little more of the new chapter 😂

[esther-dot]

Yeah I think part of the reason why the fandom is so vehemently against Jonsa is because most of the Jonsa shippers (the one who makes predictions, theorizing, analysis, etc) also support other unpopular theories such as Dark D*ny and that T*rion and the Starks will be enemies and other things that goes against the popular theories and reading kf the series.

I don't really have a solid opinion on how the story might go (besides that D*ny will never get the IT) but I think this all really shows that Jonsas in general just have a much different way of reading the series and understanding the themes and lessons GRRM put in the story than the rest of the fandom. They're the ones who GET what GRRM meant when he said he's a 'realistic romantic'. And they take GRRM's writing of punishing violence seriously and understand which characters will be the heroes in the end (hint: its not T*rion or the person who BURNED ALIVE A SLAVE IN THE FIRST BOOK)

This is why, regardless of how the story will end, I'll always support the Jonsa part of the fandom's theories, because they offer such a fresh and interesting look and insight into ASOIAF that you're not gonna get in the mainstream part of the fandom

(about this ask)

hint: its not T*rion or the person who BURNED ALIVE A SLAVE IN THE FIRST BOOK

Dany burning a rape survivor, a woman she took as a slave, alive, in calm, deliberate fashion really is a horrific scene. It says something awful about the fandom that if you conclude that’s saying something bad about Dany, you’re an outcast. I also think Dark Dany is much more obvious than King Bran which has been confirmed to be from Martin? So I truly do not understand the outrage at this point. I definitely think that's why many people hate Jonsas, but like, we didn't write that scene, we didn't make Dany use forced labor or make money from slavery, we didn't write her allowing the slaughter of teens, we didn't make her decide to conquer a continent. We're just saying it means something that Martin did!

From what I’ve seen, Tyrion was a huge favorite for book fans, Dany was far and away the most popular show character, Arya was popular with fans of both, so Sansa was just, kinda screwed by being at odds with them and for as long as I’ve been active, it’s an uphill battle for people to try to present a different reading on her. People wanted to vilify her to defend their fav and that means taking the worst perception of her rather than considering what is actually being said in her story, and Jonsas very much do take a totally different perspective on her. I find most, not all, but much of the hate comes from people who dislike her.

I'm with you though, despite what it means to be open about unpopular interpretations and theories, I prefer the Jonsa way of reading the story, our spec and fandom. I never would have gotten involved in fandom at all if it weren’t for Jonsas and their interpretations!

[another-lost-mc]

The House Always Wins — Post-Mortem

I don't normally post stuff like this but this fic was a RIDE. I realized halfway through writing (and later during editing) that a Kinktober prompt fic probably wasn't the right time or place for me to deep-dive into Mammon's relationship with Lucifer and how that would influence them during this type of scenario. I blame the fact that I don't write these characters very often so when I had to sit down and do it, I was bombarded with concepts to explore. When I started writing this, I knew I didn't want this fic be mean-spirited in the way that dominant Lucifer & subservient Mammon scenes often play out.

Anyway, here's what I tried to include, some of my headcanons/ideas to explain why certain things happened the way they did, and how the final fic was changed from the original draft.

Writing from Mammon's POV

I didn't want to write this from Reader's perspective because my interest in this scenario was Mammon's feelings/experience (and to a lesser extent, Lucifer's involvement). The Reader probably would've missed the subtle dynamics at play between the other two participants in the room. It was less interesting (to me) to write about Reader's blissed out state of mind, than it was to focus on Mammon's inner monologue while doing those things to Reader as Lucifer watched.

Mammon as an unreliable narrator

We see the scenario from the very start - Lucifer's invitation, Mammon's brief consideration before accepting- and the dramatic shift in Mammon's emotions as the scenario plays out later. He has random spikes of jealousy and bitterness towards his older brother that may or may not be warranted. We don't know what Lucifer said when he invited Mammon to join him and Reader but Mammon's already on the defensive and expects the worst. Between him and Lucifer, Mammon is the one in control of the scenario physically, but he seems to think he's just a puppet dancing along for his brother's amusement.

Mammon makes a lot of assumptions about Lucifer as this unfolds, but we have no reason to really believe what Mammon thinks is true. Throughout the entire scene, Lucifer doesn't say a word. He fades into the background easily enough that Mammon only has a vague awareness he's still in the room. (Does Lucifer do that intentionally because he wants Mammon to forget he's there? Perhaps.) Mammon completely glosses over the positive, encouraging signs that the power dynamic between him and Lucifer in this situation is more evenly-matched than he realizes. He ignores (or doesn't realize) the implications of their sins literally feeding off each other because they're both powerful in their own right, and there is harmony between them that might not exist if it were anyone else except him. Mammon struggles with awkwardness and the idea that Lucifer might do this out of pity but we have no idea how it started or what, if anything, they discussed beforehand in terms of boundaries or expectations.

In the end, Lucifer lets him leave quietly, despite his obvious hesitation to say something. (Would Mammon like to stay?) But he doesn't, perhaps because he assumes Mammon won't out of stubbornness or embarrassment. There's a very real possibility that Mammon might interpret the gesture as Lucifer pitying him or some other negative slight, rather than something genuine that the three of them would likely enjoy, and feed that cycle of strange hostility that seems very one-sided on Mammon's part.

The original angst ending

The first version of this story had more angst throughout and ended on a note that was bittersweet at best. There was a lot more emphasis on Mammon's insecurities and doubts and hostility towards Lucifer, with the implication that some of their long-term issues stemming from their days in the Celestial Realm that he internalized and uses as a demon to question his brother's motives. Mammon worries about which of their brothers know about what goes on between them and it twists his involvement from something joyful into something laced with shame. Which of his brothers knew, what did they think about him if they did, why does it matter either way? Mammon also reacted with a bit more force when he felt a spike of jealousy that Reader reminded him of Lucifer's presence (that he had mostly tried to ignore) by flipping them over and forcing their head to look away from the corner of the room where his older brother watched from. The original version also ended with Lucifer inviting Mammon to stay the night which he refused for all the wrong reasons. (This led to Mammon wallowing in his own confused emotions on his own, denying himself the comfort he wanted and unintentionally feeding that unnecessary tension that he thinks exists between them.) While it's obvious there's still some issues to resolve at some point in the future, the finalized ending is more content and lacks the self-deprecation and resignation found in the original.