#it wasnt that hard to find it op

[vaaarnarebog]

artist: christian spencer

㋡🥀

[oldschool-lolita-archive]

Marie and Yukiko wear Angelic Pretty’s jabot op in red (x white lace).

This colour is not on lolibrary yet.

Example image via minami00000 on xianyu.

Edit: new lolita added!

[tkbrokkoli]

wanted to write smth abt top surgery ⬇️

[chisungie]

.

[incoherentbee]

this is cool as shit. be alot cooler if the fiber artist behind this blanket was acknowledged https://www.reddit.com/r/crochet/comments/1100x5r/finally_finished_this_notebook_paper_blanket/

Notebook Paper Crochet Blanket

[3starjammies]

it used to be so easy to find anime openings on youtube

now you can only find ugly fucking 60 fps edits

[jwirecs]

RECOMMENDED BTS FICS OF SEPTEMBER 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my bts recs of september! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Head Over Skates || @mercurygguk🔞💔🔄

↳ in which jeon jungkook is the captain of the hockey team and one of the biggest fuckboys on campus. you hate his guts and he knows it – that's why he's more than determined to make the most of three weeks of project work. you're convinced it's going to be the end of you.

My Heart Did || @aseaofyoongi🔞💔✅

↳ as soon as senior years comes to an end a lot of teens shed who we were and strive to be flourish into a more polished version of themselves. although, broken hearts aren’t so quick to heal what happens when thoughts reveal all we need to know?

Bad Idea || @back2bluesidex🔞💕✅

↳ Accepting Jungkook's invitation to watch him train topless was such a bad idea.

Don't Tell Me That... You Forgot || @sweetiestokkie💕✅

↳ (short summary that i have come up with since there wasnt one, but oc plans a secret birthday for jk. so we have a lil ol angy jjk.)

Just The Tip? || @joon4eva🔞💕✅

↳ you and namjoon are left alone together for a little too long. or: in your childhood home, you learn just how much is really "just the tip" with namjoon.

My Flower || @i-am-baechu💕✅💯

↳ Men don’t get enough flowers. That’s why whenever it’s Namjoon’s birthday, Y/N always sends flowers (someone please get me a boo so that i can give them flowers.)

Socks || @hisunshiine💕✅

↳ (theres no summary but if we talking about socks, his god dam toe socks lives in my mind rent free and i need it to start paying rent.)

Take Care Of You || @kookslastbutton🔞💕💔✅💯💯

↳ To keep your fiance from burning out you suggest a weekend getaway to Gapyeong, a charming town about an hour outside Seoul. You've specifically asked him to leave his work equipment at home but like a deep rooted habit, he still brings it with him. You're left with no choice but to find a way to get his attention back.

When I Say Forever || @kookslastbutton🔞💕✅💯

↳ Today’s your wedding day and the slightly shy yet handsome, doe-eyed stranger who chased after you when you dropped your wallet on the street three years ago just happens to be the man standing before you today.

7 Hybrids Moved In With Me || @lillsisamarshmallow💕💔🔄

↳ When the dog hybrid who visits her bakery starts taking extra food Y/N follows it through the alleys to find out why, but what happens when she stumbles upon an empty alley only to find 6 more hybrids and some very familiar pastries?

Entangled || @caelesjjk🔞✅💯

↳ Jeon Jungkook is Spider-Man.

Hold Me Together || @casuallyimagining💕🔄💯

↳ a collection of drabbles and headcanons featuring seokjin, yoongi, and namjoon and their significant others.... all of whom have chronic illnesses. each piece can be read on its own or as part of a series.

Leaked || @btsficsandsuch💕💔✅

↳ Req by OP's Followers: Hi ,I love your writing so much . Can I request a ot7 × platonic fem reader where they became friends accidentally and she is also their fan but something happens like a misunderstanding of sorts and she is blamed or something then when the truth comes out they ask for her forgiveness but don't make her forgive them easily also include an accident in between story if you can. Sorry if it's too confusing .have a good day

Stars Around My Scars || @vanteggukie💕💔🔄

↳ people are not always what they seem. you learned that the hard way, when you caught your boyfriend cheating, the night that was supposed to be one of the best ones you ever experienced. but on the same night you also learned that in everything bad, there’s always a little bit of good.

Rainy Days || @rklve🔞💕💔✅💯💯

↳ your life choices left not only yours, but jungkook's heart broken in peaces. now you're back in town, and just like pluto, even if it's cold and dark, he tends to orbit around his sun forever.

Taste Of His Own Medicine || @btsficsandsuch💔✅💯

↳ You suddenly have to leave to go back to your home country for a few months. Yoongi decides to ignore you so you decide to show him how it feels when he realizes you’re gone.

The Back Up Plan || @btsgotjams27💕✅💯

↳ one drunken night leads to an agreement that if you and jungkook are still single by 30, you'd marry each other. the only thing is jungkook has been doing everything he can to keep you single.

Aphrodite In War || @jungblue🔞💕💔🔄

↳ Everyone knew about the war that had been brewing on the edge of campus for the past two years. Sorority versus Fraternity; a showdown for the ages. However, when the escalating antics between them yields the consequence of possible suspensions for both chapters, the presidents of each house must come together to try and figure out how to end this battle… Which is kind of hard, considering they were the ones responsible for it in the first place.

Basic Needs || @gggukniverse🔞✅💯

↳ missing sex while being stuck in your apartment with your two roommates during quarantine is being the worst nightmare you could've imagined. fortunately, you're not the only one who's touch starved.

Safety Net || @pradaksj🔞💕💔✅

↳ on new year’s eve, you and jungkook reflect on each other’s entire year together. 

Heart-On || @junghelioseok🔞✅💯💯

↳ your one-night stand definitely isn’t relationship material, but maybe—just maybe—your manager’s son is. (this is part of their serendipity series, make note that its not connected. do check out their jjk fic thats part of this series!!)

Territorial || @bonny-kookoo🔞💕🔄

↳ Who would've known that the big bad wolf isn't actually all that bad?

Do check out all of the other BTS Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 3

Propaganda:

Gene -

"Has a special interest in film and almost works himself to death because he doesn't think his film is as perfect as he wants it to be. He completely botches a project on purpose, an action blockbuster, because he felt like it wasn't respecting the thing he loves the most."

Kei -

"It was the scene in which Makoto and Nao discover that he was able to stuff so many wild plants into his bookbag bc there was literally nothing in it that sold it for me. I can't put it into words. I just see that and I know. I know that boy is autistic."

Arthur -

"His powers are literally fueled by his special interest in knights and chivalry."

Euini -

"I relate a lot to his social anxiety, especially his performance anxiety that occurs when he's being watched by people, particularly due to his stress at needing to follow the plan/do things the "proper" way in order to not feel like he's a failure. he also stands like a lil autistic kid and i appreciate him so much for that.

(LIGHT SPOILERS) basically, he has a test that he needs to take in order to advance as a witch, and he keeps failing it because he cant perform properly while being watched by other people, even though he knows the "right" spells to use and why he's supposed to use them. on his third attempt of the test, he's prepared a "script" to use so that he can follow it and not worry about failing in the moment (in this case, his script is a hand-written book of the proper spells to use and the order in which he's supposed to use them), but when a part of the exam changes, he's no longer able to follow his script. because he's been taught all his life that there's only one proper way of doing things, his way of thinking is very rigid and he's not able to deviate from his plan without panicking. luckily, one of his fellow examinees (richeh from the autistic anime girls poll 💕) is able to convince him to try and change the way that he does things to something that is more attuned to his personal needs- basically change the way that he casts his spells and which spells to use so that he doesn't need to struggle with doing things in the way that everyone says that he should; the way that he cant seem to manage. but, even before richeh helped him with that though, he was still finding way to modify the "proper" spells a little bit to better suit his weaknesses. he was trying so hard to fit in to the mold that witch society gave him, but it just wasnt right for him and he was making it work however he could."

Westar -

"something something Westar's entire character is an anomaly amongst the other denizens of Labyrinth in that he's a big goofball in a world where everything is dictated to the extreme by its ruler. if that's not an autism metaphor of some kind I don't know what is."

Sousuke -

"Sousuke Sagara is an ex-child soldier turned teenage special ops who has to go undercover at a high school to discreetly bodyguard another student. The only problem is that he has no IDEA how to act like a "normal" teenager. Sure, you can say that a lot of his mannerisms come from the whole "raised as a child soldier" thing which, fair, you could make a decent case for (C)PTSD. However, he's also extremely serious and has notorious flat affect and does not understand when other people are joking at all. He's incredibly literal; there's several scenes where he misinterprets what someone says, like the time he asked the art teacher what a model was supposed to do and got a rambling flowery metaphorical response about "becoming one with nature" so he ran off to hide in the woods. Another thing, his social skills are… lackluster at best. He's very blunt, and also a terrible liar for an undercover agent, when the student in question confronted him his strategy was to repeat the same phrase over and over again. One time he's challenged to see if he can pick up any girls, and after a brief misunderstanding his "improved" flirting tactic was to jump in front of them and say "Hi! Would you like to know the names of defense agency spies?" Speaking of, Sousuke has an obvious special interest in the military tech and giant robots he works with. He reads their magazines for fun and was able to rattle off the specs for a model Russian tank. The first time he actually looks happy is when he accidentally starts infodumping in front of the class while introducing himself. One time he got distracted on a mission (and need I remind you, Sousuke takes his job VERY seriously) because he found someone who was also interested in the giant robots and got into a full-on conversation with them and completely forgot what he was doing. It is IMPOSSIBLE to read this boy as allistic. And sure, he might be a little stiff, but he's also very caring in his own awkward way. One time he gave a girl flowers as an apology gift…because they were poppies and he told the girl she could get rich by selling opium on the black market. The "picking up girls" challenge mentioned earlier ended with him helping a grandmother pick out a toy for her grandson. He agreed to pretend to be someone's boyfriend for a day (it went exactly how you'd expect, but it's the thought that counts). In conclusion: stan Sousuke Sagara. and vote for him too."

Katsuhira -

"His entire thing over the course of the entire show is that he doesn't feel pain or emotions like other people. He isn't 'interested in himself' or other people (low empathy) and doesn't realize that the things that happen to/because of him do effect other people, he doesn't realize when people have a crush on him or want to be friends, and all of this is stuff he kinda comes to realize as the show progresses. He struggles to care for himself physically because of the lack of physical and emotional input he experiences, and his friends canonically often cook for him and have to remind him to eat, and is a bit picky about what he eats. He cannot read social cues to save his life and is very blunt and honest when communicating with others, and doesn't talk with much tone or emotion in his voice."

John -

"Is very loud and passionate and says everything he thinks out loud, not understanding why others may see that as weird. Has difficulty controlling his volume, so he's almost always shouting."

Yuuri -

"So he models his entire life around the first celebrity he gets a crush on. He's takes up that celebrity's hobby, he gets the same kind of dog that his crush has, and he definitely has his bedroom wallpaper with his crush's face. But then, he actually meets his crush. And his crush likes him back. Naturally he panics over this and proceeds to deny it for months until his crush straight up kisses him. Then like a day later, he just, buys a ring and proposed to his crush on the spot. He's the guy ever. He's so socially awkward, yet somehow still incredibly cocky."

Yoshimori -

"Baking special interest but does Not Get math my beloved."

[bogkeep]

grousing about ai art stuff

every time i open twitter (my mistake) there's a new thread on how to spot ai art or ai photos by finding all the mistakes in it, and like obviously this is useful and it's good to watch out because they kEEP SHOWING UP EVERYWHERE AHHH HELL WORLD HELL WORLD, but it's also a little depressing that we're training ourselves to nitpick all kinds of details within a piece of art.

like even before the artifically generated image boom randos on twitter would reply to fully finished illustrations with the most asinine unsolicited advice possible. art's gonna be flawed sometimes! i'll draw someone in a weird pose because of vibes! i'll wing a hand! i don't fucking know what a house actually looks like!!! like yes of course the way a human artist creates flawed art is different from the way an algorithm doesn't actually know what anything looks like because it has no mind. it doesn't know shit. so it's not that it's UNRELIABLE but it's like. it's like... i've been telling myself and others every time i'm struggling to make something look Just Right that actually nobody i going to be staring as hard at my art as i am while making it. if i don't point it out people aren't likely to notice unless they are going through it with a fine toothed comb BUT NOW WE ARE DOING THAT APPARENTLY. WHICH IS ANYONE'S PEROGATIVE AND FAIR ENOUGH! PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT MY ART HOWEVER THEY WANT IT'S FINE

but it's ALSO so depressing to consider having to analyse every single piece of art you come across like that my goddddddd i just wanna enjoy it!! i wanna enjoy art!!!! i mean the main reason i finally stopped going on twitter regularly was during the NFT boom and i got so tired of having to vet every single artist i came across to make sure i wasnt retweeting nft stuff. like that really ruined my previously enjoyable experience of LOOKING AT NICE ART ON MY FEED WITHOUT PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE.

god another thing that happened during the dark nft times was how certain art styles tended to be nfts. and i don't mean the ugly apes and stuff, like of course there's those, but there were a lot of artists who sold their souls to crypto and there was just a certain Vibe to a lot of those styles. like i got a sixth sense for it, i would see a piece of art by an unknown artists and when i checked - yep, that was a crypto guy now. and you know what!!!! i hated that!!!! i hate that it ruined entire art styles for me!! AND NOW ARTIFICIALLY GENERATED IMAGES ARE DOING THE SAME!!!!! like what tends to tip me off is less because i spotted some wonky hand or a weird flap but because the style is a popular one for the ai bros to imitate. you know what i mean right!!!!!! it's kind of how the ai photos look a bit too clean and crisp and smooth in an unsettling way. it just pings the brain a bit.

ULTIMATELY the absolute main method i have for filtering away ai images isn't so much looking for mistakes, but by checking sources. it's the same way i check that i'm not reblogging from reposting accounts Because That's A Thing I Care About Too - if there's no description or the description seems off and i don't recognise the OP, i check the original post/blog to see what's up. if the image gives me a weird vibe, i check where it comes from and who posted it. oftentimes the comments on posts with ai images will point it out - they're not always accurate and there's definitely been times where people are a little too trigger happy to accuse art of being AI... but it can be a good lead or confirm suspicions. on one hand, i don't want to do detective work while im having chill scrolling time, but on the other hand - i already had this habit for other reasons, so it's less disruptive to me than the alternative. it also helps that it's very rare for ai shit to turn up in my tumblr feed. i don't want to keep looking over my shoulder!!

(also for anyone who wants a little bit of optimism in the middle of all this, here's an episode of Better Offline podcast that outlines how it's very unlikely for generative ai to actually get much better. here's the part two also.)

[zuzu-fairys-tail]

FT challenge

Natsu Dragneel

jiggle butt gang

mest gryder

Loke

328 ( last episode)

op. 9, Towa no Kizuna

ed. 15 kimi to kare to boku to kanojo to

arc of time

Zeref Dragneel

NaLu, GruVia, JeRza, GajEvy, ElfGreen, MiraXus and ofc my babies ZerVis (also most of the couples with cannonical evidence ig, emphasis on MOST cuz i dont mean stuff like mest and Wendy)

Happy

The Grand Magic Games

Daphne arc which is anime-only but canonical arcs ig sun village. theres nothing bad about it but i just didnt enjoy it as mush as the other arcs.

Max lol

Gemini

Edo Gajeel ( ill consider him canon cuz Mashima wanted to add him in the manga but coulnt due to lack of time), Nasha, Greige and Mystogan cuz i cant choose.

End of The battle of Fairy tail arc ( Fantasia parade), Laxus's goodbye.

ch 1 cuz the art makes me feel nostalgic

Lahar lol idk why but i really liked him. I would say Ultear bit ig she isnt technically dead? and i want Zeref and Mavis to live but ik theyre happier being dead.

the sad main theme (idk if it has a name) and also the one used in the Laxus vs Erza fight.

tbh idk but if i had to choose then ig Lisannas return? i really like her but shes lets be honest, shes carried by Mira and Elfman. Heck even Fricken MAX has more moments than her. i dont rly blame Mashima cuz she wasnt supposed to come back though. i think her being dead added more to Mira and Elfmans development ig.

tbh its so hard to choose cuz i find myself crying every other episode but ig its Zeref and Mavis's deaths and Natsu's goodbye to Zeref.

The whole of the changeling episode and only the guilds part of ep 50, watch out for the guy u like ( cuz NaLus part was cute).

Zeref Dragneel

Natsuuuu

Natsu vs the twin dragons, erza vs 100 monsters, Gray vs Rufus and Lucy vs tartaros. I cant choose.

Meredy

10/10 (1000000000000000000....../10)

I love the feels, emotional scenes, humor, plot twists, fights, character relationships, worldbuilding, female character representation and Happy the cat.

i was reading a random CBR 'top 10 funniest anime kisses' which my friend told me to read i dont remember y and i saw the Natsu and Happy kiss and idk i just found it cute and Fairy Tail is one of the most popular anime so i thought 'this looks fun' thats how.

[willowstreehouse]

im asking abt modpack design. what makes a good modpack? Is that the same as a balanced modpack? how many way are there to work around mods not wanting to coexist & how much work usually goes into packs you make?

Ive slapped together a few packs for myself that took a few allnighters back when i wasnt sleeping anyway lol. then wanted to play with friends and had to slim it down to something all our pcs could handle.... fun times

oh boy here we go... What makes a good modpack is simply: Fun. Not every good modpack is balanced, and not every balanced modpack is good. Generally, the more balanced a modpack is, the better it is, but you can have crazy op superflyingdragonkilling ultra 9000 swords and still have lots of fun with them, as long as they aren't literally made out of dirt. An example I like to use when people ask "well how could an unbalanced modpack be fun?" is the Minecraft but X is OP! type datapacks that are pretty common in clickbait YouTube thumbnails. Those are really fun to mess around with! Balanced? Oh gods no. But sometimes how ludicrous it is can be the fun in and of itself. A balanced modpack is one where your power level as a player is roughly proportionate to how much time you invest into it. It's roughly self explanatory but can be a bit hard for me to put an example to with something in regular minecraft. Another, minor aspect of a good modpack imo is the environment and ambient atmosphere of everything. If you have a mod with mspaint sprites that are plastered everywhere, it's gonna ruin immersion and make the game less serious, which is a big component of keeping a modpack engaging and therefore fun. In terms of getting mods to work that just refuse to? For some performance related backend mods there are alternatives (LazyDFU and DataFixerSlayer, Rubidium/Sodium and Embeddium, etc.) that could solve issues, but more often that not, if it's a crash, you just gotta cope and take one of them out of the pack. If it's a not crash related issue, for example for balance or something related to, you can always remove the mobs / items / anything else that is causing issues with mods like Bad Mobs, You Shall Not Spawn, or Item Obliterator. I usually put 1-2 weeks of work into a good serious modpack, but I mostly make kitchen sinks, and the longest project I ever worked on personally took me around 2 months to fully complete and be ready. Custom textures, modifying datapacks, tweaking mods and finding new ones, all to create an intensely immsersive atmosphere for a roleplay server that never ended up going live. (yeouch) Slimming down modpacks is honestly tough, but I just like to focus on a direct theme or two. Earlier this week I had a pack with 218 mods that i slimmed down to just under 100 by cutting out chaff and really focusing on the 3 lines of progression the people wanted. (Tech, Magic, Adventure) If you ever want help making a modpack for anything, hmu! DM me here and I'll toss you my discord :D (this goes for anyone)

[mrmeltingpoint]

what if instead of writing stories i made tumblr dashboard simulators with the lore instead

#that would be crazy right #writing is hard okay :( #melting's points

2 notes

🦈 mucking-and-sucking-about Follow

i pet one of our sharks while harvesting and i can confirm they're smooth

🎣 fishybusiness Follow

I've literally had to buy special fishing wire to stop sharks from cutting it when they swim by, their skin is razor sharp do NOT touch them.

🦈 mucking-and-sucking-about Follow

that sounds like a you problem our sharks are very smooth and feel nice

503,665 notes

🌿 smoking-seaweed Follow

the ocean is so gorgeous :) if only it wasnt filled with The Horrors

9,101 notes

🏴‍☠️ sailthesaltyseas Follow

🦜 polly-is-a-cracker Follow

WHERE is drunken sailor. this is a crime.

🐋 wailingwhale Follow

we should put op in a longboat 'til they're sober

79,074 notes

🐙 atlantian-adventurer Follow

Some fucking landwalker dropped their fucking anchor through my roof. What the fuck.

27 notes

🔱 nesting-crow Follow

just helped some twink steal a boat

9,295 notes

🐉 seadragonsfuckyeah Follow

Sea Dragons are OUT THERE!! We just need to LOOK HARDER!

🪸 moralcoral Follow

Technically, you're right! The Dragon Eel, while not a dragon as you want to find, is descended from reptiles! Specifically old-world Horned Lizards, which is where they get their horns from!

They can grow to be up to 98 feet long, and while they've never been known to capsize a ship, they're still pretty awesome!

🐉 seadragonsfuckyeah Follow

That is WRONG! TRUE Sea Dragons are OUT THERE and they are simply VERY DEEP UNDERWATER!! WE WILL FIND THEM!!!

🐚 selfishshellfish Follow

if a "true" sea dragon is ever discovered i'll get it tattooed on my left asscheek

🐚 selfishshellfish Follow

OH FUCK OFF

1,002,593 notes

🐡 huffing-puffers Follow

is it just me or is the sea getting higher

⚓ weigh-anchor Follow

My grandma's house was taken by the sea. When she built it, the coastline was still miles away.

🦭 seals-not-sea-lions Follow

818,733 notes

⛵ gems-of-the-sea Follow

just watched my nephew steal a boat with a himbo and a harlot cuz i sang him that shanty about the sea jewel now my brothers pissed at me lmao

318 notes

💞 mrmeltingpoint

none of you will ever understand my lore it will stay firmly locked away in my tiny skull

[faorism]

thinking about @bisexual-enby-jellyfish talking about the lack of time travel fic in the fandom, and got me thinking that since canon is satisfying, instead of fix its, we gotta have break its.

BITTERSWEET CANON COMPLIANT PONDERINGS AHEAD

canon lev:red era and pardison is out on a mission for alecs non-leverage side hustle, and they are going to a specific town which they remember distantly eliot talking about it, from years back, how that was a moment of decision for him early in his military career. it was there—eliot admitted when he was feeling especially vulnerable, with a smile that was supposed to be funny but really wasnt—it was there that put him on the path that lost his soul. that comment has a lot more weight now, after eliot saying he has lonely he has been for years (which still haunts parker), and how apparently he told sophie he cannot be redeemed (which is now haunting hardison), and because of all the hitting eliots body is starting to betray him (which scares them both). maybe before they left, they had a tense argument. eliot wanted to go with them, but pardison was like?? you legit told us this is #trauma for you, no. and eliots shrug of a response to what it would put him through sat ill with them.

the memories of eliots unhappiness gives pardison the willies but they try to move on, but something feels... off? anyway MAGIC the resonances of eliot's soul-ache draw the two in to a long abandoned military coup base and they get sent back to around 20/21ish eliot (with alec around 35, the age difference between them but reverse in of s1).

they dont meet right the second they land, but its close: eliot finds pardison in the active base, and he rescues them because he thinks hardison and parker are his retrieval targets. (parker... was under the impression eliot wasn't able to get in time to save the real target in his timeline?? hardison just grumbles uhh.... multiple universes are a headfck irl.)

eliot is on an extended mission, one of his first serious solo ones, one that is clearly testing him out for recruitment for special ops. so hardison and parker can't be whisked away and has to stick around eliot For Reasons with an assumed identity. pardison realizes that eliot's mission can be better resolved (aka little/no bloodshed) with a con, and they convince eliot to go along. they aren't there long per se, but there is a lot of thrills and suspense and tension and idk plot stuff, i hate plot stuff so imagine that's happening in the background.

throughout it all, hardison and parker treat eliot like they normally would... which is utterly familiar and intimate, which throws young eliot. and by throws i mean seduces accidentally. eliot gets all heart-eyed, which hardison and parker don't notice right away because they miss their home time, but also eliot just always kinda acts like that. eliot is falling so hard but he tries to be respectful because obviously pardison is together, but a man can dream...

hardison and parker have Talks about how important it is to not change the past, as much as their presence undoubtedly has changed something. but as much as hardison is genre aware, it's harder for him. the rawness of eliot's confession—that he doesn't think he can ever be redeemed—sits heavily on hardison. and he also is like... why are we here, why were brought back? maybe we are supposed to heal a hurt, right a wrong, maybe... parker just wants to go home.

but she is the one who breaks. eliot is shot at and hurt while protecting them, and the screams from parker and hardison are just... gut wrenching. and as hardison is patching eliot's shoulder up and parker is wiping down eliot's dirt and sweat-drenched face, eliot is like... something aint right with you two. hardison tries to deflect with a joke, but eliot is like, no. you... know me. you care about me. please—he interrupts, when hardison is about to deny harder—the truth. and hardison and parker look at each other. she nods so hardison tells him. some of it, but enough. he tells eliot that they know him from the future. they work together, but it's more than that. parker and hardison arent sure how they came back, but they know some of the why. maybe. they are gonna help eliot, and maybe they get back to their time. maybe not. but they aren't gonna abandon eliot here if they can help it.

eliot gets quiet and is like... do you... are we... and hardison furrows his brows. eliot decides to be brave, braver than he may have ever felt before (and thats saying something) and he asks, are we together? and parker is like, yeah he just told you, we are a team, have been for years, we're family and eliot is like no not... hardison and parker are like what?? and eliot just shakes his head and is like, when you say family, you mean...?

hardison pauses from his stitching to say, you two have a permanent kill switch for my computers in case i go evil mad scientist. and parker says only you and alec can look over my harnesses before i jump. i don't double check your work anymore. hardison says you... and what can he say that would make sense to this eliot? what would have the weight? you let us take care of you.

eliot's eyes go wide, hardison's observation landing just right, and here is where parker meets her limit. dont enlist, she says

and eliot, stunned, tries to make a joke to cut the tension choking him: he looks over his gear and is like, little late for that, darlin'.

and parker is like, don't join black ops. go to aimee back as soon as you can.

parker breaks because... parker sees this eliot, this softer version of himself and parker loves eliot, her eliot, but also this one. she didnt know what eliot had lost but now she knows. she knows and she has the power to do something. she can't hoard eliot away when things can. be. better. for. him. she knows what make us us, but...... us is a lonely eliot. us is an eliot that feels damned. us is an eliot who deserves so much more, everything, anything. they can promise him robot bodies, but there's something else they can give him. a life beyond what he... what he had to make with them. a life with whatever eliot calls a soul.

hardison gasps parker but doesn't disagree with her, and if eliot had doubts they were from the future or had some special knowledge about him, this was proof enough.

and what'll happen if i dont?

parker hugs herself tight: you can have a good life, el. the one you want.

what do you know what i want? and god, he sounds so much like their eliot but also so much his twenty/twenty-one years.

it's what you've told us, hardison says.

and what about what we got? parker and hardison don't say anything. i don't think its enough? i ever say that? exactly that?

parker and hardison want to say yes, but they can't. they also cant quite say no. both hurt. the lack of clarity burns.

as parker and hardison try to find the words to convince him, eliot just sighs. in your time, did i even tell you i love y'all two?

and parker... okay, look there's a lot going on and she is very very sad and she is always very very shocked. so she responds, you don't love us.

eliot gets that... that fucking martyr smile of his: the way you treat me? respect me? and... you two are gorgeous. funny. smart. there's no way i aint in love.

and parker is like. you can't know that.

eliot is like, i can because im halfway there myself. more than halfway, if im honest.

and parker and hardison are... floored. no, you can't love us, hardison repeats. he is sure of this. he has to be.

eliot: future me or now?

hardison: either. both. eliot, you can't love us. eliot can't. that... that doesn't make sense. no. god, what have they been doing for fifteen years if... no. god no. if eliot loved them, he would have said something. they would be together. no. this eliot is so green and young and unbroken and... this eliot doesn't know their eliot. he's wrong. he... has to be.

eliot frowns. so i trust you with everything i am but i aint in love, you aren't enough, and... and you want me to take a different path. away from y'all

hardison: it sounds awful when you say it like that.

eliot: it doesn't sound like a good situation, from where im sitting

parker: we just want you happy, eliot. even if it means we cant have you.

eliot sobers. nods. i won't promise you i will. but... i will consider it.

and that's what parker and hardison want but they are just… spooked. but so is eliot. he withdraws and says he has it from here. hardison and parker try to insist they need to help, but eliot gives them a stare down until they take the out.

after that... things are heavy. but the con is rolling along fine, and above all else, they are professionals. as the con is wrapping up, parker is planning out the last details about the gloat and she's like, we won't be there but you should... and they are like oh. yes. that.... that's gonna happen. that will be when they leave.

the con goes well until inevitably they hit a snag, so when they are gonna break up for separate parts of the con, the departure is on a much more sudden time frame than they expected. they three look at each other because they know they won't see each other again, not like this. maybe not ever again.

as parker and hardison try to find the words to leave eliot behind, eliot just sighs. i told you i would consider leaving the army but you gotta answer me and don't lie.

parker: anything

eliot: is there a time you are alive now because i was there? not... not any hitter. specifically me.

oh. tear well up in parker's eyes. not fair.

because parker thinks about a sunken cavern of ice. that one shouldn't even count, any other hitter would probably have just told her to leave the body from the beginning. parker does not care. eliot saved her in more ways than just convincing her to climb out of the cave in the end.

and hardison thinks of that second day, technically the first twenty-four hours.... thinks of eliot pulling hardison up before the warehouse blows up. maybe the choreography of the day would have meant hardison didn't fall, or maybe he did live but was injured, or maybe a million things. eliot steadied hardison, was his friend, his confidante, the one who held him first when hardison came up from the ground.

so the answer yes then?

parker: it's not that simple

eliot: why can't it be?

parker makes an unhappy sound. the time is running out. they need to get to position. now. but...

hardison holds eliot by the neck, as eliot once did him, and says. you once told me all i had to do was to show you the way and you would save the world for us. we want to show you the way to save your soul, whatever it takes, whatever happens to us, because... that's what love can look like, too. we just want what's best for you, whatever that looks like. just think about it. okay?

eliot looks like he wants to resist, but hardison squeezes desperately, trembling.

okay. i'll think about it.

hardison draws eliot close, into a hug. thank you.

eliot clutches him back. goddammit, he whispers, no explanation.

parker is there when hardison pulls back an inch. eliot hugs her too, and says into her ear, make sure he doesnt get into too much trouble without me, alright?

parker does not say anything at first. says, goodbye, eliot, with their cheeks squeezed together, that's how hard she's hugging him.

bye, park.

and so.

they part.

they finish the con, and parker and hardison are so incredibly anxious about what the repercussions are gonna be (they are willing to take them, for eliot) and also are already like, mourning eliots place in their lives because they love him

they finish out the con and they feel the tug and they get back to the present. its done. they did it.

parker and hardison are shaking and things seem similar enough, that means eliot had to have chosen them.... no, no, they can't get their hopes up.

......they had to have found a way without him. they had to, because that's what eliot would have wanted from them in exchange for his soul.

but just as they get their bearings, there's a sound just a little away. they stiffen; parker gets ready to fight. but it's...

oh.

eliot holds them close and he's like, god, it's been weeks i've been checking every day

you can't be here, hardison says

you promised you would consider it, parker says, distressed

and eliot... doesnt respond with confusion, i... knew it had to be around now if it really was you but i was never sure it was real before

parker, face tucked squarely into eliot's neck: you remember us?

i didn't or... i didn't include you in my mission report. there was no proof yall existed and then the next deployment, the very next one, they... they got me. held me for months. i was convinced yall were a fantasy to give me hope. over the years, i thought maybe, maybe it was... but no, it couldnt be. but since y'all vanished, it's been coming back. eliot's fingers dig into them where he's holding them. its been coming back, ive been remembering, and ive been here, waiting

hardison, tears flowing: we told you to go home. we warned you. you could have been okay.

eliot pulls back to meet hardison's eyes: when you left, i imagined my life if i went back. it... wouldve been nice. married to aimee, likely, but that would've never lasted. not forever. too the same, all passion and no patience. mightve gone to work for my dad. itd be comfortable. a decent life.

parker: it would have been good. safe. you would have been happy.

eliot shakes his head: i chose the army first, before you showed up. it was always gonna be what i did. i was stubborn, then, and i didnt understand the scope but i was following it to its ends.

hardison: so it was all for nothing.

eliot: no, fuck. no. you showed me a way to keep my soul, but whatever happened to it, a way i couldnt take, but i at least knew, somewhere deep inside... eliot stops, tries to untangle them.

hardison: what did you know?

eliot: i'm here that's what matters

parker: please

eliot: even then, i knew at least... my soul might be lost but i would always know where my heart was

parker: oh. you love us

of course, darlin'. eliot swallows.

you never told us

you never told me

hardison: we didnt want you to leave

eliot: i never wanted to give you a reason to push me away

parker: we're so stupid.

hardison puts his forehead to eliots. like really really stupid. you said you liked us because we are smart, but we're so dumb, man

theres so much to resolve. so much doubt, so many feelings to untangle, too many misunderstandings to air... but for now, when eliot laughs and says at least youre still pretty, and hardison huffs offended before trying to tickle eliot saying oh did you say petty? i heard petty did you hear petty parker? and parker is like, oh i think i did and they overpower eliot with tickles and ninja attacks that lead to cuddles and kisses.

and the soul-pain will always linger for eliot, that won't ever go away. not quite. but in the warmth of their silliness on a spot that once hurt so bad, there... their laughter brings something that has been there longer than eliot knew to look: a heartsong of devotion, of care, of love... and that? that wont ever go away

[echo-of-damnation]

im not feeling good so im going to rant about the book Dead Men Walking by Steve Lyons because none of my irl friends will know what im talking about and i need to get it out of my system.

apologies in advance for anyone who ends up reading this

first things first. absolutely love the funky little krieg guys. i love that they just fucked their entire sick ass planet because the loser guys on top were like " yeah nah fuck the big man who is def not a god and fuck da rules". i applaud theyre blinding loyalty. one of their best traits imo. i love their quirks of not having standard names and the absolute crippling disappointment and need to atone for a sin so hard they send theyre young off at an unnatural amount. I love their hehe dont care about casualties front everyone thinks they have but they do and will take their lives in consideration. that some of them will feel fear at running head first into an unwinnable fight and some will flee. its so. human. like deep down in their gene code, no matter how much they reproduce these soldiers, there is a part of human nature that will always and forever be there.

I enjoyed Krieg by him and wanted to see more of their silly little lives in action. (this was before the siege of vraks book came out so at the time it was just those two books and pieces of lore scoured from the internet)

now! with that said!

i went into this book excited to see my funky little gas mask guys. what i ended up getting was a weird sub plot line about my guy Gunthar and the goveners daughter (ah forbidden love. a tale as old as time) and a little bit of the funky little guys.

after shit hits the fan our boy Gunthar gets separated from his one and only and ends up drafted into the PDF and gets to hang out and do really fun things train and fight with the kriegsman who came to "help" the planet from the shit that hit the fan.

spoiler alert. it was the funny robots hitting the fan.

while there is some really good parts in the book going through some of the fights with the dkok and ol'gunt it always ended up going back and bringing up his little crush. (who we find out is all in a shit hitting the fan situation but ends up fine at the end with the guy who liked her from afar and who shows up halfway through the book and this book wasnt about them okay. it was supposed to be about my cool guys.)

we get some super cool dialog from one of the krieg colonels saying something along the lines of "you just want to use us kriegers cause you think our lives are worth less than your own peoples lives. go fuck yourself." and some great moments when we actually get to see a kriegsman without his mask and its painful how young the boy is. it was great! more of that!

at some point all of gunny's krieg friends end up dying/they peace out because they cant contain the necron threat and its up to our love sick boy and this last baby krieger to do something.

so they blow the robos the fuck up. kinda.

beby krieger sacrifices himself(who didnt see that one coming) and gunthar does his thang.

NOW. I MUST CLARIFY. I MAY BE GETTING THESE TWO EVENTS SWAPPED IN ORDER. BUT IT REALLY DOESNT MATTER TO MY RANT.

at one point, and this is were i got frustrated and its kind towards the end ish, all of the important people of the planet are getting evaced which includes the govoners daughter and the lost puppy guy she found along the way.

what happened to the gov? the krieg colonel fucking shoots him for being a little bitch colluding with the enemy. so treason.

ANYWAY, the girl and the guy are getting onto the ship to leave when op! who is in the crowd! gunthar! hes there! he finally made it back to her! now to just tell her and oh who is that man touching her? hes kinda close and is she getting comforted by him? well i guess she didnt really love our boy in the end and his whole life is crumbling down around him. whats there to live for now? guess he'll just go die.

(now that im think about it i think this all happened before they blow up the necrons)

in the end i just kept getting reminded at every turn that yes this book is about the dkok but we are never in the pov of them. we watch and interact with them through gunthar who also wont stop trying to prove himself and find the girl he liked.

im not saying romantic plotlines shouldnt have been in the book but i feel like they should have taken a backseat. i didnt want to follow around the daughter as she leads a little revolution with some slave humans against the necrons. i wanted kriegsmen. i wanted to see how they lived and fought. how they interacted with each other and those around them. its fine that we had gunthar as our guy but i wanted more of him with them. at one point he ends up seeing them as brothers and finds comfort with them and the kriegsmen also end up respecting him a lot for his efforts. that could have been built on! that is an interaction that is never really seen and it would have made the story so much more. idk. i dont want to say better but like. more cohesive?

in this conclusion i will like to say i did like the book. it had really enjoyable parts but it wasnt great. its not a book i would pick back up and read of go and recommend to someone new to the fandom. it just never felt like a krieg book. just a book with funny gas mask guys sometimes.

thank you for coming to my ted talk. if you did enjoy this word vomit of a rant please like and subscribe and hit that bell for notifications so you know when i lose my mind about another thing in warhammer that no one else cares about. idk how to end this.

sincerly,

a sick little guy

[bad0mens]

So there's things going on in my life and I feel like I cannot catch a break.

My father is currently undergoing radiation for three brain tumors discovered back in March/April (I am unsure exactly when because everything happened so fast and it hasn't stopped). Last night, I drove three hours from home, across the state, to stay overnight with my sister and see him today. He was too unwell for us to go out to lunch like we planned, so we picked him up something and took it to where he's staying. I have scheduled this trip for two weeks.

I am three hours from home when my closer at work calls out. Again. It's not just this particular employee, there's another who calls out pretty often too. They all know where I am and why. It's not a secret. I told them. I told them specifically that I will be visiting my father who is ill.

The thing about the constant call outs, they almost exclusively fall on a day where I have important plans (like this!) or am out of town and I have to scramble to rearrange plans for coverage. This happens every time. I cannot have a weekend off or make plans without something happening that results in me going to work.

At this point, I'm livid. I'm sitting with my father who may only have a few months left to live at this point, and I cannot spend a single uninterrupted afternoon with him without something going wrong at work. I understand things happen, but the employee in question had a headache. I am dealing with my potentially dying father!

I am tethered to that job for now. Other prospects have been nil. I cannot quit because I need the money even though it is very clearly scraping away my sanity and peace at every turn.

Hell, I cannot make the three hours drive home without a call about some stupid shit that I've trained them on needing to be repeated. These are adults. I have trained them. Do I not deserve the time off? A moments peace? Should I not be able to see my dying father and spend a single uninterrupted afternoon with him? Why the fuck is that so difficult?

And this is where things are going to get rambly.

I'm taking my father being this ill hard. I've always been sensitive. I've long ago come to terms with the fact that he's not really the man I loved as a kid and never was, and we have wildly different opinions and he's never been a very good father, but that's okay. I've given up on all that. but it still hurts. It hurts that I won't have time to try and find some real common ground with him. He wasnt good, but he tried. It's fucked me and my siblings op but we've all learned to cope. I won't got into details because they're really not pretty, but it wasn't particularly extreme or anything. But the shadows of it still linger over all of us.

And I cannot have even a moments peace to do this. I am already mourning the relationship we'll never get to have. I love him but it's complicated. I love what he could have been, what he tried and failed to be. We're all flawed.

I cried the whole three hour drive home between texts and calls from work and family when all I wanted was a little bit of quiet and calm to reflect.

But I can't have that. I can't have anything.

[majocelot]

I wonder how Ocelot thinks of The Boss sometimes. Surely, he later learns that's his mother. Obviously, he never knew before she died (well, I guess "assumedly" is better).

... As someone who grew up without my mother for most of my life, I think I project my own experience.

Apathy, unchecked bitterness, avoidance. Trauma, especially of the absence of parents, is hard to describe.

Ocelot's upbringing is intentionally convoluted, though I more so believe the idea The Philosophers kept a hold on him for the majority of his childhood/adolescence. Did he have an assigned guardian, was he brought up in a Philosopher run orphanage? It's all untouched by canon, as is similar with MOST childhoods of MGS characters.

Growing up without guardianship, however, feels most relevant to his personality. Cool, controlled, calculated. Raising yourself, being both father/mother, you cannot afford to be a child. Especially being puppeted around by an unseen group.

... I could imagine his growing disgust. To be alone in the world, a blank slate, only to be immediately and eagerly consumed by an omnipresence looming over you.

He's defection makes sense, a form of rebellion to leave the nest where he nurtured himself all alone. Like a juvenile bird, he began to sore. It was less of dedication to a nation, in fact it was about the disinterest in any nation. Double agent, flying from tree-to-tree.

He lived wrecklessly. Uncaring. No support, no strings... trying to find purpose.

Now, I love bosselot. I do believe Ocelot felt deeply for Big Boss... but I think that was only a part of his own philosophy to disengage from the world.

Ocelot learning of his mother would have been such an interesting character arc, that of course wouldn't properly be touched on given MGS's storytelling style in regards to emotion (show, don't tell). It must have been the true turning point, but it could have also taken years to digest.

Being forced through the stages of grief, perhaps even prolonged given the scenario of him meeting her and being unaware until after she was gone.

Hate, bitterness, disgust, pain.

In more civilian scenarios, a son would likely partake in wreckless behaviors such as drinking, driving, and drugs. I believe it would have been similar for Ocelot, but factoring in that his world was and had always been tailored, planned, and omnipresent.

The gap between Portable Ops and MGSV, I think that would have been his digestion period upon realizing. Given how calculated he had been, believing to be above all his superiors, beyond nations... to realize he was still just a pawn in the end, a pawn that was born to become a pawn, it must have over took him.

I theorize it was a very ugly period for himself. Chaotic, manic and so forth. Very out of style for the MGS story style, thus unbrushed (i mean of course, probably wasnt even considered. but still fun to imagine).

Ocelot letting his world go in those years, fighting and trying to figure out who the hell he was and what he wanted to be. How to become his own... I want that to be played with more in fanon for my own catharsis. LOL.