#it was such a huge part of my life
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When you say mediator, do you mean the ghost series
If so that's rad
Also rad if not, and what is it if not
Omg YES! The Mediator, by Meg Cabot! It's what my profile picture is from. Have you read it??
Meg Cabot was like my WHOLE thing from like, middle school to college? I was full on obsessed.
Here's some fun facts about me!
I literally identified my religion, when asked, as Jewish-Cabotian.
In my senior picture in my high school year book, I am holding up my copy of Haunted (Mediator #5).
When it was time to paint our parking spaces at school, I painted mine with the words "If you can read this, you can read Meg Cabot."
When an honors college I was applying to asked for an essay on "an author who changed your life," I wrote mine on Meg Cabot, to my father's chagrin. I ended up attending that college.
In high school English, we had to write a senior thesis on an author. My teacher, who was awesome, expressed some doubts as to Meg's literary merit as the subject of a thesis, but I argued that people would've said the same about Shakespeare in his time--his stuff was viewed as entertainment for the masses, not highbrow art, by his contemporaries. So essentially, give Meg a couple centuries.
My first fanfiction I wrote when I was a tween was on The Mediator. It is still on ffnet somewhere. I do not recommend it.
Thank you for the opportunity to share this part of my life!
#Meg Cabot#The Mediator#wild how I seem to have barely mentioned this on here!#it was such a huge part of my life#I've met at least four of my longest-term friends through Meg!#always willing to make more. :D
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one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.
the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.
like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.
but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.
so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.
i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?
but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?
sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?
and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.
nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.
the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!
and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.
#spilled ink#writeblr#i hope it is clear here that i actually very much care about equatorial countries#and that's part of what makes me so angry bc im like. climate refugees exist.#they've existed for a while!!!#and the reply is almost always ''should have thought about that before living on an island"#like fuck dude. do you need to like how people vote before ur like#your entire house shouldn't burn down each summer????#so many of these people make it their life to mock california that they think it's FUNNY#and im like. girl you should be fucking trembling. TEXAS??? ARE YOU LISTENING??#this is one of those times that like. i need to stress how fucking stupid it would be#to let trump win. bc he could have “reached across the aisle.” covid could have been#a MASSIVE commercial success. he has such a huge and bigoted and brainwashed following.#literally just a PR campaign called COWBOY UP and it's pictures of cowboys in bandanas#trump reinvisioned as the lone ranger fighting for the american people against covid. EASY SELL#and instead. companies bought him. it became political. it was not ''oh shit this is 1 enemy let's all be human''#it was ''you deserve to die.''#climate change should be GLOBAL. it should be like ''yeah i hate u but. we do all live here''#i don't have to LIKE my group members to do well on a team project bc we are ALL getting graded.#is that simple enough of an under-explaination lol
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Remember when Anthony Bridgerton said:
And then it turns out that this is him with his wife:
#bridgerton season 3#anthony bridgerton#kate sharma#kate sharma x anthony bridgerton#kanthony#bridgerton season two#bridgerton#bridgerton memes#actually I got really sad making this#because I realised that if he hadn’t met Kate he was just going to let his immense capacity for love and devotion wither away#like we can see how deeply he’s capable of loving and how it’s almost become an intrinsic part of him#like that’s Anthony Bridgerton#9th Viscount Bridgerton afraid of bees and irrevocably in love with his wife#and that’s how the entire ton recognises him too#but if not for kate this capacity to love would just remain buried in his heart#and he’d go through life with this huge part of him missing#my heart aches so bad for him#I’m glad he found Kate and became who he was always meant to be#kate sharma’s husband
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i can finally post my silly little two-part wallpaper / blog banner merch pieces i made for the @hotguycomiczine !!
phone wallpaper ver. & some cursed hgc universe doodles under cut
[ START ]
[ MERCH | MISC ]
one discussion on offbrand hotguy & cuteguy merchandise really captured me.
i wish they were real ...
#kostik draws#hotguy comics zine#hgcz#stressmonster101#stressmonster#fanart#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#the opportunity to try to Freehand Backgrounds and practice my colours#hooly fuck#what a learning experience#definitely taking this with me#please check out the comics and stories and covers if you havent already!#i did intend to make more for the zine... but it didnt work out. mentals and spotty motivation and all#i wanted to make some cute tiling wallpapers ...#oh well. this is life#im still very glad i took part and i want to extend a huge thanks to everyone who worked with us and on the zine#as well as everyone who supported us#blown away by everyones dedication for real
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender
…..I made the moodboard….
#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. It’s an invitation haha#I love the fics that I can’t read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I don’t enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#it’s just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isn’t about them being ‘haha cute organics’#it’s ‘oh god. I was turned into something I’m not’#instead of teeheee they’re fluffy#it’s please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now I’m kind of stuck reading this fic because I just can’t stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror is….damn. Impressive. I didn’t expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#it’s not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuck….I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I read…..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do this……..#there’s a tiny chance they’re following me….if it’s true then I wanna tell I’m sorry pls don’t take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic is…the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesn’t even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which is…..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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I'm just sAYING-
#they didn't need to cut his hair#nimona#sir goldenloin#ambrosius goldenloin#it's honestly homophobic of them#turned him into the most generic ass looking gay I've ever seen in my life#I can excuse the huge sad puppy eyes they gave everyone#(just barely)#but the HAIR#I simply cannot#and it's not like they weren't simulating plenty of other ppl's hair no 3D excuses#they wanted to make them look less edgy and alt and quirky and turned them into mainstream boring looking ppl#instead of leaning into the quirky grungy setting that is part of what makes the original so charming smh
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really bummed over matpat leaving (even if I mostly watched gtlive nowadays) but hope his other projects go well and he can focus more on his family!!!
#i know people hate matpat on here#but i’ll die on this fuckin hill i liked his content#he was cringy from time to time but i thought he was funny and endearing#and gtlive was a huge part of my life#don’t think i would’ve love fnaf as much as i did without him tbh#meta talks
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i made an end roll fan video 🙈 the song is tenohira wonderland by sasanomaly
watch on youtube!!
#end roll#my art#video#gifs#i don't know what else to tag this help#I DID THIS IN TWO MONTHS I'M NORMAL I HAVE A LIFE#i've pretty much devoted myself to this almost every day so it's insane to finally actually be done#i also legit improved SO much at lineart through this and full-on don't hate it now because of it#had to keep redoing the earlier shots so it'd match with later parts a little better WHEEZE#i hope the gifs aren't too huge.... i'm too dead by now to spend all day on that bit now too KSJKSKSSK#click for more accurate colors if they don't load right#nevertheless#I HOPE YOU ENJOY#warning in advance for uh. canon-typical heaviness 😭
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i think the able to work to unable to work spectrum is more of an actual spectrum than people like to realise. like, yeah, overall you do either fit into able to work and unable to work, and yes there's a privellege that comes with the former that definitely deserves acknowledgement, and there's unqiue ableism and discrimination faced by the latter.
however, ability to work itself is a spectrum. there's people who are completely able to work - there's no hinges or what ifs or anything like that. then there's people able to work, but it's environment-focused. they can only work from home, they can only work in quiet spaces, they can't work outside. then there's ability to work but it hinges on what the physical expectations are - they can work as long as there's no heavy lifting, they can only work sitting down, they can only work if there's no talking required.
and then there's also people able to work, yes, but it will completely change how their life and disabilities function. people who can work but if they do, they will need hours or days of rest between shifts, or they'll need a caretaker to see to every need due to exhaustion and flares from working.
i think while its important to talk about how disability affects those who cannot work, under any circumstance, i think the "able to work, technically" group also needs more advice-sharing, talking amongst the community and supports aimed towards them
#rambles#disability posting#i can work!! i can work but theres a LOT of factors surrounding it#i can only work in specific environments or i burnout within a week#i am SUPER dependent on my caretaker#after work i am mostly unable to walk and i need assistance with most basic tasks#like yeah i can work but i am very much sacrificing a huge part of my life and my independence just for (not even) financial stability#disabled#disability#physically disabled#chronically ill#chronic illness#neurodivergent
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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sometimes it pains me that people, whether they're bigots, allies, or sometimes even other trans people, will only ever see me as trans first, and anything else second
one of my biggest fears is people remembering me for being trans, and not for being an artist, a writer, or any of my other meaningful accomplishments
"He was very good at what he did—for a trans man."
#could you at least reduce me down to being a gay man instead#I feel so much more connection to being a man that prefers the company of other men#than to my transness which feels like the most minuscule and unimportant part of my experiences personality and life#I fully understand why it becomes hugely important for others#and I'm certainly not ashamed of what I am#but it pains me so much that that's all they'll ever see#and to be totally honest I encounter this so much more WITHIN the community than without#I think a lot of people could stand to remember that the human comes before the labels
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lately, i've seen more people in the online autistic community acknowledging the struggles of people with higher support needs, which is of course an important development. but for some, that seems to come with the implicit assumption that low needs autistics "have it easy" or experience no stigma at all, which is just wrong??? people with low support needs are still disabled by their autism and still face discrimination because of it. sure, they are impaired to a lesser degree than those with higher support needs, but that doesn't mean you can just erase their struggles, y'know?
#sometimes i see posts that are like 'its unfair to say that autistic people have it easy and arent really disabled...' and go yes! exactly!#but then they'll continue like '...because not all autistic people have low support needs'#and i'm like. okay nevermind you dont understand this at all#i have comparatively mild autism (was diagnosed with aspergers back when that was still a thing)#and my autism has still significantly impacted and impaired my life#i think its important to acknowledge the huge range of experiences in the autistic community#and that many others have struggled much more than me#but that doesnt mean its all easy breezy for me and other lsn autistics yknow?#(i guess i would technically be considered medium support needs or something but that's because of my chronic illness not my autism)#i wish people would just. like. listen to other peoples experiences before just assuming that they know everything about their lives#ofc a huge part of this is also some lsn autistics distancing themselves from hsn people and pretending that they're not actually disabled#but not every lsn autistic is like that. and even the ones that are are usually (consciously or unconsciously) downplaying their symptoms#autism#actually autistic#actuallyautistic#this isn't really about the post i just reblogged btw it just reminded me of it#because some of the notes on it went in that direction
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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?
used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.
#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to#the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities#but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the “butch” category#her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities#Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing#also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax#forget about it#etc#i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her#people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream#i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had#staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water#their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was#their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked#alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you#it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our#responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that#n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
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it’s just like. how many captain holt lines of dialogue live rent free in my head? how many scenes have made me get emotional & watch & rewatch & ponder over them? it was such a big deal to have an openly gay black male character whose gayness was never the butt of the joke on tv in the early 2000s. then rosa diaz was literally the first character I ever recall hearing say the words “I’m bisexual” on a popular network tv show & captain holt’s compassionate support of her was this thing that just was just simply not often a thing portrayed quite how it was on b99 on television in my experience at the time among multiple lgbt main characters. not only that but I don’t want to reduce raymond holt’s influence to his sexuality. he was funny in a unique, dead pan way that again just totally manages to cement itself in so many peoples consciousness. how many people can hear “BONE?” bellowed in disapproval in their heads? 😂 or picture the pineapple slut shirt? & how many people with complicated relationships with their dad latched onto the jake & holt found family dynamic that was just so beautifully written & acted? brooklyn has constantly been on in the background of my life because it’s one of those shows you can just watch endlessly & never get tired of. hundreds & hundreds of hours of my life have been spent chuckling at this show. & I’m just one sit com fan. we’re talking about one of the most influential sit coms of the modern age. I hope andre had some idea how much he meant to so so many people.
#andre braugher#brooklyn 99#I’m sorry celebrity deaths don’t usually hit because it’s like well I can still enjoy their work idk I didn’t know them personally#but like. Brooklyn 99 has been such a huge part of my life. such a constant background element#I’ve seen so many episodes enough times to practically rehearse them#& Andre braughers acting truly is just so genius#he’s so talented both comedically & dramatically. what an icon
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Besties give me a diplomatic phrasing to communicate "if I leave for the evening and tell you roughly when I'll be back and text 20 minutes before I'm home on your request, please be done having screaming sex by the time I'm home"
#this is the third time i've walked in and like#ok to be fair i said before they got married that i wouldn't be uncomfortable if they're not uncomfy with me hearing#but i feel like that's a fair boundary to change#esp given. the screaming#i just need the words to say that a) minimize awkwardness#b) avoid the implication that i'm trying to curtail their sex life#i'm happy for them to have sex! that isn't audible from the front porch!!!#i guess the other part that feels weird is the whole point of spending nights away is so they can be comfortable having sex#without me around#which is a huge drain on my energy and sleep and time management and heck even gas budget#but if they're totally fine having sex when i'm out of the house for an hour as on book club night?#and if they wait til i'm on my way home after being gone for 4 hours?#why am i doing that??#i'm SORRY i'm talking so much about my roommates having sex#it's very present in my life#just be glad you follow me now and not 6 years ago when i lived with julie and she picked up trevis on tinder#and had him over across the hall from poor little fresh out of evangelical college me#(yes trevis. pronounced like crevice. or trellis.)
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People who compare transition to self harm or use real people they know who've self-harmed as a metaphorical comparison to transitioning aren't making the gotcha they think they're making - they're just showing that they don't have the compassion or maturity to engage with either topic at even a conversational level.
And, frankly, it's infuriating as a person who does see those who self-harm as my equal who doesn't need to be used as a cudgel against another group of often vulnerable people.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#self harm tw#self harm mention tw#sh tw#transphobia#transphobia tw#and as someone who has self-harmed AND transitioned it's been inherently different. it's not a comparison#and if you wonder why so many trans people have engaged in self harm: social factors. family. abuse. mistreatment#mine stemmed from unrelated abuse largely and also because i wasn't being treated well#absolutely unresolved dysphoria in trans people can inspire that - i know that already. ask me how (don't)...#...but it also isn't inherent to identifying as trans. dysphoria of any kind can make people desperate for any escape...#...and you help them by allowing them space and giving them tools that empower *them*...#...like for me the second a huge part of my dysphoria resolved through transition i was able to start actually fucking LIVING#because for all my life i'd been only able to operate at 50% at most. and now it's more like 80-90% just after transition
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