#it was so nice seeing my absolute dumpster fire of a husband again

[unclefungusthegoat]

Well... guess who ended up re-watching the whole of Musketeers season 2 in the end lmao

It’s just... him... he... 

[hopelesshawks]

History of Us Part 17- Family Dinner

Summary: Once upon a time Todoroki and (y/n) were best friends. Now they haven’t spoken in years. When (y/n) is forced to transfer to UA, will she and Shoto reconnect or will their troubled past keep them apart? A childhood friends to enemies to lovers hybrid fic.

If you don’t want to see History of Us content blacklist #hopelesshou

Masterlist Kofi

You frown down at the mysterious text from the unknown number. Something about it gave you an uneasy feeling but you brush it aside for now. You have other things to focus on. Other things like the fact that the way to Shoto’s house is looking awfully familiar. “Do you still live in our old neighborhood?” you ask suddenly as you and Shoto walk side by side. “Yes. Different house but same neighborhood, why?” he asks. “This is where we moved back to,” you explain, “my house is down that way.” “In that case do you want to invite your mom as well?” Shoto asks but you shake your head. “She’s working a shift right now. Maybe next time?” you offer. “Next time,” Shoto replies with a soft smile.

Something warm blooms in his chest at your mention of a next time. He’d missed you over the years certainly, but he didn’t realize just how much until he finally had you back. You’re different now, sure, but so is he. Neither of you are the children you once were and yet reconnecting had been as natural as anything else. The two of you had slipped back into a rhythm as if no time had passed and he was forever grateful for that. He watched your face as the two of you walk, your eyes lit up with a combination of nerves and excitement, and he has a flickering thought that you look absolutely beautiful that way. “Is there something on my face?” you ask suddenly. “What?” he asks, blinking at you in confusion. “You’re staring Sho,” you laugh. “Oh! Sorry,” he says, a light flush dusting his cheeks as he sharply turns his gaze away. “It’s fine! It’s still weird being friends again for me too,” you assure him. “Yes... Yes you’re right, that’s it,” Shoto says, more to himself than you, as you finally arrive at his house.

Shoto pushes open the door, calling out to let the family know he’s arrived. Rei comes from the kitchen, wiping her hands off on a dish rag, but stops in her tracks when she spots you. You freeze in place as you wait to see how she’ll react. You haven’t seen her since her hospitalization. There are more wrinkles at the corners of her eyes then the last time you saw her and you hope it’s from smiling more since she was released after the Dabi incident. You start to see tears gathering in the corners of her eyes but before you can apologize for upsetting her, she’s striding forward to pull you into a hug. It takes you a second to process what’s happening but then you eagerly return the hug, clutching her tightly to you. Her hand strokes over your hair gently a couple times before she pulls back to look at you properly. “You’ve gotten so big! And your performance at the sports festival was truly incredible,” she compliments you. “Ah thank you,” you reply sheepishly. “Come in, come in. How’s your mother doing? I’ve missed her,” Rei asks as she ushers you through to the dining room. “She’s doing well! Work keeps her busy most of the time though,” you respond.

Shoto trails behind, watching fondly as his mother fawns over you. He stops in the kitchen to say hi to his sister who is attending to the food still cooking. “You brought a new friend home instead of Midoriya and Bakugo,” she notes. “Not a new friend, look closer,” Shoto corrects as he leans against the counter next to his sister. She stops what she’s doing to take a closer look at you, eyes widening in disbelief after a moment. “Is that-“ “Yep.” “I thought you said she hated you.” “We made up at the sports festival.” “I’m happy for you,” Fuyumi smiles. “Thank you,” Shoto replies as his eyes wander back to where his mother continues to chatter away with you at the kitchen table. He startles slightly as a hand claps him on the shoulder, turning to find Natsuo has finally arrived. “Been a minute baby bro. The living nightmare hasn’t arrived yet has he?” Natsuo asks casually. “Blissfully no, although I doubt that will last much longer,” Shoto acknowledges. “Will you two play nice? Shoto brought a guest,” Fuyumi chides. “Oh dumpster fire mentioned that, is it not the usual two?” Natsuo asks curiously. “Nope,” Shoto replies. “It’s sweet little (y/n). Remember her?” Fuyumi exclaims. “Ah she’s a little different than you remember,” Shoto chuckles but before he can elaborate Rei is returning to shoo all of her children into the dining room while she finishes up.

It’s nice talking to the Todoroki siblings and catching up. You’d never really known Natsuo and Fuyumi growing up so you appreciate getting the opportunity to now. You’d even managed not to get too outlandish as you joked around with them, your self-proclaimed gremlin nature laying dormant. At least until Endeavor finally returned home. None of you heard the front door open, too wrapped up in your conversation. He walks into the room and although he’s initially happy to see his family laughing and talking together, his eyes narrow as he spots you. “What are you doing here?” he asks, standing to his full height. “Shoto did you hear that? Sounds like a little bitch talking,” you snap instinctively, as you turn to glare at the new arrival. Everyone but Shoto and Endeavor look surprised. “Shoto I was under the impression you’d be bringing a friend along,” Endeavor replies through gritted teeth. “I did bring a friend,” Shoto replies easily. “You said she hated you,” Endeavor fires back. “Past tense! We settled our differences through the only language you and my father taught us. Violence,” you cut in, grin a little feral. “Do not lump me in with that villain,” Endeavor all but growls. “But that was your training buddy,” Shoto refutes with a straight face. “I do recall you two proclaiming you’d die for each other on multiple occasions,” you taunt. “Ah yes, everyone knows best friends who abuse children together, stay together,” Shoto adds. Fuyumi and Rei watch on stunned as Natsuo barely suppresses his surprised laughter at you and Shoto’s comments. “I, at least, am trying to be better,” Endeavor snaps. “Try harder,” you and Shoto both say at the exact same time. Endeavor looks as if he’s about to growl out another response but Rei is swiftly out of her seat to put a placating hand on Endeavor’s chest. “Ok, ok, let’s call a truce. Enji you go get changed out of your work uniform and then we can all just sit down for a nice meal,” Rei proposes. Endeavor mutters something under his breath but agrees none the less before storming off to go get changed. “Ok, petition for (y/n) to replace dad at all family functions?” Natsuo grins. “Natsuo,” Rei chides gently. “I second the petition,” Shoto replies, causing you to cackle. The fondly exasperated look on Rei’s face makes dealing with Endeavor worth it.

The dinner goes surprisingly smoothly even with Endeavor there. He seems far less intimidating when he’s not in his hero costume, which only further enables you and Shoto’s belligerence any time the man dares make his displeasure with your presence known. You can’t imagine why you were worried about them accepting you. The entire night is suffused with a warmth you’ve missed. You love your mother but the past several years have been difficult for her. To suddenly be solely responsible for supporting both of you financially all while dealing with the stigma of her husband’s reputation has meant work is twice as hard and keeps her twice as busy as it did when you were younger. You had missed having Mrs. Todoroki to lean on and in many ways she feels like a second mother to you. Not to mention finally getting to interact properly with Natsuo and Fuyumi. When dinner is finished, Endeavor and Rei are the ones to clear up the plates and begin cleaning up the kitchen. You keep talking with Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shoto for awhile before you finally decide to get up and grab some water from the kitchen. You excuse yourself from the table and head that direction, but just before you enter the other room you notice Rei and Enji speaking in hushed voices to each other. Curiosity drives you closer and you decide to hover on the other side of the doorway and eavesdrop.

“I thought you and Shoto were making progress. What happened?” Rei asks with concern as Endeavor scrubs away at a dish. “That girl happened,” Endeavor replies. “That girl has a name,” Rei says warningly. “Yes she does. It’s (Y/l/n) and I seem to be the only one who remembers that fact,” Enji retorts. “You cannot judge her by the sins of her father.” “She was there Rei. He brought her for a reason.” “Yes, just as you took Touya out to the woods that day for a reason. Just because you have a certain intent doesn’t mean your children will share it. You should know better than anyone that being related to a villain doesn’t make someone one.” “I’m just trying to protect Shoto from the betrayal and pain I felt. I don’t want her hurting him.” “I know but whether she’s going to hurt him or not, that’s a mistake he’ll have to make himself.”

You try not to flinch at Rei’s words. You’re used to people doubting your intentions because of your father but to hear it from Rei stings. You’d expected her to insist you’d never hurt Shoto. You decide you don’t want to hear anymore and head back to the dining room, water glass still empty. “I thought you went to grab water,” Fuyumi points out as you return. “Oh, I ended up drinking it on the way back over here and I’m too lazy to go refill it again,” you lie. She and Natsuo seem to accept the lie easily, resuming the conversation they’d been having, but Shoto gives you a concerned look. He scans your face as if he could ascertain what’s wrong if he looked hard enough. He catches your eye and mouths “what’s wrong?” but you simply shake your head and give him what you hope is a reassuring smile.

Eventually it’s time for you and Shoto to head back to the dorms. You swallow down your hurt as you hug Rei goodbye and then say your goodbyes to the other Todoroki siblings. Endeavor hovers in the doorway out of obligation, saying his goodbyes to Shoto before staring at you warily. “Good seeing you too, fuckface,” you tell him with a roll of your eyes. You count Shoto’s amused smile as a win. As the two of you start walking to the train that will take you back towards campus, part of you worries that Shoto will grill you on what’s wrong now that the two of you are alone. He looks somewhat deep in thought as the two of you walk and you brace yourself for the question you’re not prepared to answer as he finally opens his mouth. “Want to have another movie night tonight?” he finally asks. You blink at him in confusion for a moment as the words process. When you fully realize he’s not pressuring you to tell him what’s wrong, relief washes over you like a wave. “That sounds perfect,” you sigh, some of the tension leaving your body on the exhale. “Great,” Shoto affirms and when the two of you make eye contact you know he understands how you’re feeling perfectly. The two of you continue on your way in companionable silence and, not for the first time, you find yourself incredibly grateful to have Shoto by your side again.

A/N: I live for Shoto and (y/n) roasting Endeavor tbh. Also Rei only phrased things the way she did because she was trying to appeal to Endeavor and didn’t think the kids would hear her. This is why you shouldn’t eavesdrop 🥲 Anyway, next chapter we’ll finally find out what exactly happened when (y/n) was 8 and why her father is so hated.

Taglist: @sorrythatspussynal @miss-bakugo-writes @pixelwisp @larkspyrr @sokkaandzukosimp @akkaso @sunaispretty @mindofess @todoplusultra @oliviasslut @lapysllazuly @immah0e4fictionalmen

[faytelumos]

I was tagged by @distort-opia for this fun challenge!

I haven't posted almost any of my favorite pieces anywhere, but I'll go ahead and give some excerpts at the bottom.

The Lucid Dead

-> The zombie apocalypse happened, and it forced vampires out of hiding. A small family, who has managed to survive and avoid becoming part of a coven so far, is finally forced into contact with a vampire. They have to decide if all of the horrible things they've heard about being taken in by the true undead of the zombie apocalypse are worth guaranteed meals.

This is a little world I've had in my head for about a decade or so. I wrote it again for here, and it's really awesome to see just how far my writing has come since last time I approached this idea.

Miss Demetriou

-> A police officer keeps pulling over the same woman for speeding on the same stretch of road; she asks him out on a date after the ticket goes to court and her license is suspended. Everything in him is screaming not to do it, but there's something about her he can't say no to. He's starting to figure out something's different about her.

I love this story because it came out with such a nice pacing, texture, and mood. A little bit of mystery, a little bit of romance, and something about the POV character mixed to make this come out so well.

Loner / Dog Shit

-> Character A has finally gotten through Character B's shell, and B is finally talking for the first time after almost a week of seeing each other daily. Unfortunately, A is a hot mess in any kind of social situation, and has proceeded to put a shoe store into his mouth.

This is a chapter of my main story, written from another character's point of view; "Loner" is Character B's title for the chapter, but since Character A is narrating this one, I also gave him his own title, "Dog Shit". This is just a great section to me because it's exactly why I love Character A; he's a human dumpster fire, especially when he's trying to show he cares.

Update

-> There's a household with a companion droid who's been a part of the family for a few years. The husband of the family is one day blessed with spicy thoughts of their beloved android, and after bringing it up to the wife (who agrees the idea is hot) they both decide to ask the android if he's interested.

In my opinion, this piece is very wholesome (and it's absolutely explicit). The android is a well-loved member of the family and he's deeply integrated into their daily lives. The parents are nervous at first, but are very honest with him about their new desires. I like it a lot because it's loving, there's a lot of open communication, and all three of them are having a good time. And it's hot.

Yamez

-> Main character/big sister is the chieftain of a village that's gearing up for war. Her little brother assumes he's going to fight alongside her, and she looks down at him and sees every fight he's ever lost, every tear he's shed in pain, every blow he's taken from someone bigger than him. She forbids him from going to fight as chief, and he curses her for it, because she's left once before on a long journey and he thought she was dead, and he refuses to do that again. But she refuses to see him get hurt.

I wrote this piece very specifically for myself. It's about the helpless need to protect your siblings from life when you yourself are tiny. It burns you up inside to remember the times you watched them get hurt, but you had no power to stop it then, no matter how hard you could have tried. So you just hope you can help them now.

I really only have two WIPs (besides Ulterior and The Lucid Dead) but they're my baby novels so I am very excited to talk about them!

Burn

Drown

I will tag @fickle-tiction and @jaybirddle if they'd like to join in! No pressure, and I really enjoy both people.

Excerpts below the cut.

Miss Demetriou

Ericsson watched the reading on the radar climb as the headlights approached. When they got near enough that the lights shone on the reflective decals of the patrol car, the nose of the car dipped and the road behind them lit up red. Shaking his head, Ericsson was already turning on the his light bar, letting them know here and now they weren’t getting away with it. Even braking as hard as they were, they blew through Ericsson’s headlights, and he got just enough of a flash to see that it was Miss Demetriou’s car. With a frustrated roll of his eyes, he punched it out onto the road, only to be stopped behind her half a mile later. He got out of the car and stalked to her driver-side window, and when he got to her she had her hands on the steering wheel, the knife on the dashboard, and was looking up at him with a hint of an apology in her pretty smile.

“We have got to stop meeting this way, Miss Demetriou,” Ericsson said severely. She smiled just a little brighter then, and much to his chagrin he found his resolve waver the slightest amount.

“Apologies, Officer Ericsson,” she said in her soft, lyrical voice. The beam of the flashlight caught her green eyes, throwing an iridescent flash that captured his attention. Her gaze was very nearly hypnotic. “This is the only way I know of to get your attention.” Darin looked down and shook his head slowly as if it would help him clear his mind. He inhaled deeply.

“I gave you my number,” he reminded her, again looking up at her eyes. Her smile changed from something of an apologetic pout to a devastatingly flirtatious grin.

“I thought you only wanted me to call you if I was in trouble,” she purred.

“Well, you’re in trouble now,” he replied without thinking. Her eyes lit up in the slightest way before she narrowed her gaze, her grin becoming more mischievous. He felt suddenly like an idiot, and guiltily reveled in his unintentional display of wittiness. As if he could amend the situation, he coldly and quietly requested her documents. She handed them over with a smirk on her soft lips, and he walked back to the cruiser with embarrassment weighing down his shoulders.

Loner/Dog Shit

He had such a… weird face. It wasn't like a human's practically at all. He didn't move his eyebrows or change the shape of his mouth to express himself. And yet, still, somehow, he looked like he was trying to hide a smile. He had his leathery, pointy ears pinned against his horns, but it was the way he tried to give me a shy angle of his face and the way he pressed his claws into the floor that made him seem almost guilty — that drew attention to his tail curled up along his side. It was like he knew he was happy, but he felt the need to hide it.

"Would you stop?" I muttered, looking down at my food. I tried to scoop up some beans with my bread, and I could hear the confusion on him. I looked up to see his ear was cocked toward me, but he diverted his curious eyes. I rolled mine. "Stop hiding from me," I clarified. I tried harder to get my beans onto the hard slice of bread. "I know you like me," I grumbled under my breath. I wasn't really sure I wanted him to hear me say it.

He was quiet for a minute. He didn't move at all. I glanced up to make sure he was still breathing and found him looking down thoughtfully. He pinned his ears again, but this time, it didn't seem mirthful.

"Do you like me?" he breathed. My chest felt cold suddenly, and I looked back down to my plate.

"No," I blurted. Wait, damn it! "Not like, well, I mean…" Why couldn't I get these fucking beans onto my bread? "Listen, it's not that I dislike you, it's just that I barely know you, not enough to say whether or not I do or don't like you, and so I don't want to say anything foolish." Like that entire sentence, for example. Gods' mercy, it was hot in here. "I'm sure you understand." I didn't dare look up at him, I just took what little I had on my slice and put it in my mouth. I could feel him looking at me. Somehow the fact that he always looked away when I looked at him was creepy. I would never know what about me he was watching so intently.

Update

"Eugene," Amelia finally began; "you're… an adult, right? You can think like an adult… you act like an adult…." She looked over to him, concerned. She was likely afraid he wouldn't understand what she meant. Eugene glanced to Dexter, seeing an increase in blood-flow to his face. He turned glass eyes to Amelia.

"I'm not currently equipped with the proper software or accessories, but I am capable of having sex."

Amelia and Dexter both stared, their anxieties already easing. Dexter spoke first:

"R-really?" Eugene nodded.

"My pelvis and skin have an opening for being entered, and there is a free software packet I can download for attraction, pleasing a partner, and experiencing pleasure."

Dexter and Amelia looked to one another. Eugene could see signs of non-verbal communication from Dexter, but Amelia was turned away from him. They both looked to their android again.

"Do you have… uh…" Dexter struggled.

"I am not equipped with any specialized equipment," Eugene offered. They both seemed displeased to hear this. "But, there is an accessory we can order." Both of their eyes widened, and they again looked to each other. Amelia looked to Eugene.

"Let's check it out."

Amelia withdrew her phone and the three of them watched as she navigated to the company's product page. Eugene directed her to the special, somewhat hidden page for adult accessories. There was an age confirmation screen before they were allowed to see the products.

Dexter whistled at the display of synthetic body parts. He took the phone from Amelia and began browsing the female attachments.

"Oh my God, look at all these!" he hissed. His eyes were wide, a big grin on his face. Amelia pulled the phone from his hand, giving him a chastising look. "Babe, we can cancel my porn subscription," he joked. Eugene confirmed the house was not paying for a subscription to a pornography service.

[valatheapprentice]

Echoes of the Past

Brought to us by @arcana-echoes

Vala Quintus

Hometown

Vala was born as Princess Alexandra Cirillo in the kingdom of Sparta. She wasn't allowed to go out into the kingdom. The few times her hand maiden would allow her to sneak out, shed find herself in a rowdier part. Despite being loud and reckless, they seemed to be very mindful and playful with her. She ran away at 6 and came to Vesuvia, where she was adopted and lived a fairly normal childhood in a nice neighborhood

Parents (mentions abuse)

Her birth parents were very cordial at best. They were very patriotic, proud and loving of their kingdom. When their son, valas older brother, was born, they loved him about as much. Years go by and they make a deal with the devil. Im exchange of their children's magic, he would be sure sparta lived on forever and that their children would go down in history. Since their son had no magick and an only child then, they agreed. A few years go by and they give birth to vala. While they loved her at first. That changed the moment she displayed magical abilities. With fear of the devil and magick being outlawed and detested , they would lock her in a cellar and place shackles on her to prevent her using said magic. By age three, Centaurs had threatened the kingdom. In exchange for being left alone, her parents agreed to let her be taken from time to time to entertain them, beating and r*ping her when they had gotten drunk. At this point they had seen her as more of an object and annoyance. When she ran away, war broke out and they died in that war.

Her adoptive parents were a lot different. They found her on the beach and took her in, despite originally not wanting kids. With nightmares and being former royalty (now kept secret) came behavior issues they had to help her overcome. They were extremely patient but stern. They gave her a fun and warm home and she lived 9 years as a fairly normal and happy child until her mother died when she was 15. She learned to cook and got her sense of humor from them. They signed her up for belly dance lessons, which she uses along woth her root work. Which they encouraged her into practicing.

Magick

She first showed signs of magick at age 2, but didn't really know it. As she got older she realized she could do things but was quickly punished for doing them. Once she was able to harness her power, she realized she was strongest with fire and chaos magick. She found some travelers and learned root work and conjuring from them. Which she continued researching and practicing after they left. She also has a strong connections to spirits and works/talks to them often

Education

She was heavily tutored as a princess, forced to learn Italian, and law despite being told she could never amount to anything due to her duties. In Vesuvia, she attended a public school until she dropped out at 15. Due to her love of dance and her Magick type, choir and science were her favorite subjects

The "aunt"

In her teens, she had been in trouble with the law frequently. Once she got back on her feet, she found qnd abandoned home and more or less squatted in it. She fixed it up with asras and her dads help and turned it into her shop "Magick and Mayhem". As soon as they started getting business, she was able to pay rent for it. The police she dealt with before let her slide of some formalities so they can keep seeing her stay out of trouble

Friends

In Sparta, her only friend was her handmaidens son, whom she rarely played with. In vesuvia, she had a habit of befriending colorful characters. One she was close to before she dropped out happened to be the daughter of a crime boss, Stella (another oc and LI for valerius)

Occupation (mentions substance abuse)

She dropped out of school after becoming dependent on drugs and entering an abusive relationship with her dealer. Despite helping forgive his debt in unsavory ways, she learned /some/ business skills through selling for him after a few years, such as negotiations.

Familiar

Her familiar is a possum named Arthur. She found him in a box labeled "free kitty" and couldn't resist. They are able to communicate and heal eachother. Hes able to sense peoples energy and his reactions can be seen as a warning for her. Together, they can manipulate the energy in anyone and anything. Its just a matter of if the want to or should

First loves (mentions abuse)

She had one love before meeting asra. Pete Uchiha (street name Ocho) was her dealer turned boyfriend when she was 15. Despite the good times she clung to and being too young to know better, he mentally, physically, and sexually abused her and forced her into dealing for him and attacking people who owed him. After 2 years of his paranoia and control. She met asra when he was homeless and a thief. They quickly went from being friends to facing an affair.

Cuisines

Growing up with her new family, her dad absolutely loves making chili and spicy beer chicken. While she could eat those everyday, she and her mom loved anything involving shrimp and gyros.

Defining moment (mentions substance abuse, attempted suicide, and crimes)

While she was considerate of others and wanted to be nice to everyone, she had little foresight, no impulse control, and often just thought of herself. The moment that really made her change her life was when she was 19. She had discovered she she could make any surface become soft and safe to land on. So she, Pete, and mutual friends would go onto a roof top, get high And basically fall into a dumpster. This went on for years until one day, her friend jumped and missed the spot, killing him. Once she realized what happened she was grief and guilt stricken and tried to overdose. Luckily, she was found and taken to the hospital where she started to detox. Later on she was arrested for manslaughter but was released on probation. That was the moment she realized she couldn't live like that. Pete was put on jail, she broke things off, and swore to never get high again and makeup for every wrong shes everyone, or try, since she finds herself responsible for the war as well. Still is and always will be, impulsive though

Holidays

She is a pagan, worshipping the Greeks gods (patron is Hermes, arcana is judgement). She follows the basic pagan holiday wheel. She will give either food drink or dance offerings and meditate to give her thanks to them and the spirits

Aftermath

After she had died, outside of asra, her father was completely grief stricken. Customers and neighbors felt sorry for their loss, a few even missing her and her energetic and kind energy. When asra brought her back, everyone knew something messed up happened and looked at them like outcasts. She has absolutely no memory and has to relearn how to talk, so this confused and disheartened her greatly. When asra told her dad, they got into a huge fight, her dad angry for putting more turmoil in their lives. So far (in my stories at least) he can't bare to face her, knowing she doesn't remember him yet/anymore

In another life

If she hadn't have left sparta. She would have died. Lets be real.

Given how she got the plague (kissing lucio, in a story ill post), it could have been avoided but then asra wouldn't have needed to be at the palace in her place and who knows what would have happened if lucio got his way in the ritual. Even ignoring that, when shed face asra again, it wouldn't have worked out. At least nothing would be easily forgiven. She'd probably be a numb and tired person after

If she had left with him, I think she'd feel guilt for leaving. Like itd be a happier life, being safe with asra in a new place, but I see her being more depressed and submissive. She just agreed to leave her home and father to rot in her mind.

Freebie

So, and I didnt know why until my husband helped me figure it out, but I always imagined her and julian getting married before having kids and her and lucio getting pregnant before getting married. Im one for diving deep into the psychology of my and other characters. While she and julian are no where near innocent and all, they tend to have a more wholesome relationship. She is very headstrong and a switch. Julian is in my mind a switch but is more submissive in personality. Lucio is just as headstrong as well as temperamental. So they but heads a lot and can be seen as a very emotionally charged couple. She does believe love is an action more so than a feeling, thanks to her adoptive mom and dad, and not many people put up with his shit out of love, so they do put the effort onto each other. So the more traditional route, in my mind I guess is better fit for julian and the chaotic route fits lucio better. (Idk I love doing deep dives into this kind of thing. Like ill spend hours talking to my super smart husband or researching to find the correct mindsets)

[sticks-and-stone]

Bronson’s Camp Outlaw

April 10, 2020 - April 12, 2020

For the April 2020 camping trip, I took my girlfriend to Bronson’s Camp Outlaw. This was an interesting trip to plan because I had never been there and didn’t know anyone that had. I found them on an app called HipCamp which is basically an AirBnB for camping. You pay money to sleep in someone's backyard. Obviously this idea rang a little weird for me, but I figured with the state parks closed for COVID-19, I had few options. I spent a long time deciding on a “campground”. I looked through reviews for hours before I decided on Bronsons. And honestly, for the price I paid, it was a really great find. 

Madison and I drove down right after work on Friday. When we arrived, the mom and pop type vibe bled through hard. There was a house at the top of the hill as we arrived. I assumed (incorrectly) that this was the office to check-in. As I walked up to it, a man came over to me and asked if I was checking in. He then directed me to this grassed area right on the water’s edge that had a wood pile, a fire pit, lots of seats, and two pop up canopies. 

It took them a while to find my reservation. Apparently husband books on HipCamp and wife books on Facebook. This caused some confusion and they did not know where to put me. I ended up following the wife and the first dude (we’ll call him Buddy because I can not remember his name) to the long row of river-side “campsites”. I only put this in quotations because there were no markers or indications where one site started and the other ended. 

We chose our site at the end of the row of tents and cars and began to map out how we would set up. I had the camping carpet and the site was about the size of it and absolutely overrun with cypress roots (the ones that stick up and come to a rounded point out of the ground). This made the setup pretty odd, but we made it work.

Instead of placing the carpet out in front of the tent, we placed it completely under the tent. This allowed it to double as our footprint too, luckily, due to the small nature of our tent, we were able to find a small plot of dirt without cypress roots so we wouldn't have to sleep on top of them. 

As we got set up, Buddy and Deb (the owner) kept coming around to see if we needed any help. I guess two girls doing this alone made us look vulnerable? We kept declining. I bought some firewood and Buddy brought it to our site for us. I asked where I could dig a fire pit (there was no grill or fire ring) and they just kind of shrugged and said “anywhere you want, don’t be dumb though”. So that was neat. 

Once we got the tent completely set up, I found a spot that split the difference between the tent and the river bank our site overlooked and dug a shallow hole and started a fire. By this point it was dark. 

A quick shout out to one of the game changing pieces of gear this trip: clip-on lights for hats. Since trip #2 I have sworn that I would never go camping without a headlamp, but this took it even a step further. These little lights clipped to our hat bills, completely eliminating the need for a headlamp. No more messing up my hair or squeezing my head! And the best part? $1 each at Walmart. 

So with the new help of my hat clip light I got the fire started and we ate the sandwiches that Madison got from Publix earlier in the day before I got off of work. The next thing I worked on was the other game changer for this trip: fishing poles! I grabbed two small Zebcos rod and reel combos from Walmart for a measly $10 each and a small tackle kit for about $12!  I used my lap and the fold out table (there was no picnic table on site) to get the poles all set up. Our site sat literal feet from the water’s edge so I was excited to throw a line out at daybreak the next day.

Madison ended up going to sleep before me while I stayed up and took in my surroundings. I couldn’t see much due to the dark, but I could smell the river in front and behind me. (the sites lined a sort-of peninsular so there was water everywhere) My neighbors (arguably too close to us for comfort) were actually really nice and proved helpful the next day with our fishing lessons. They ran their van all night but the humming noise was quite lulling. I loved looking out on the dark water and seeing the occasional top feeder break the surface. It was peaceful. The sites were smaller than I was used to and lacked my usual amenities, but I liked this place. I liked the whole vibe. 

I went to bed and fell asleep instantly. I woke up before the sun and decided to walk alone in the dark to the bathroom. The bathroom was a glorified outhouse. Which bothers me NONE. It’s camping. You walk in the room to a concrete floor, soaked. A pedestal sink - dingy, a “shower” which was basically a hose coming through the wall and a shower curtain, then finally, a toilet. It was pretty gross and definitely a hovering situation, but again; its camping. I was just happy enough to have a private place to pee. Due to the closeness of our site neighbors and the comfortable vicinity to the bathhouse, I never bothered to set up the pop up potty. 

I got back to the site, started a fire, and waited for sunrise. As soon as the day broke, I threw a line out next to this big tree at the edge of the water on our site. Then Madison woke up and joined me and we had a little breakfast and I had coffee. We spent the entire day fishing off and on. I got some writing done, she read her book, and we just lounged around the river's edge and watched people come and go on kayaks and boats. It was a great day. I caught some brim, Madison caught a few too, we befriended a lot of strangers, and watched kids swim in the water next to the boat launch over by check-in. It was a great day. Madison really took to fishing and fell in love with it. We ended up going through all of our hooks and bobbers though. We kept getting snagged on the brush and losing equipment. The little dock near our site became very useful. We had lots of success fishing with bread and hotdogs (left by our neighbors).

We headed to bed early like I tend to do on night two of camping trips, around 9pm. But right as we were laying down, a family of 4 pulled up in an F350 with its brights on and began setting up right next to us. They kept apologizing for the noise and lights, but it was hard to be angry after the great day we had. They blocked my car in, but promised to move their truck before morning - they didn’t. Their tent was huge - one of those multiroom deals and I have no idea how they set it up with cypress roots everywhere but they did it. Madison and I sat up in our beds (we switched the second night so she could try the cot) and made up backstories for them and made fun of their very awkward teenage children. 

The next morning I had to pee really bad as I woke up and had to wait outside the bathroom for the mom of that family who apparently was applying makeup in the ONLY BATHROOM THE CAMPGROUND HAD. I was pissed, but I dealt with it. We threw another couple of lines out, but worked pretty quickly to get packed up and headed out. It didn’t take long to pack up as we didn’t unpack much. Without a table or big enough site, there wasn’t much to unpack. I did most of the cleaning up and packed myself, though Madison did sweep the tent out which is my least favorite camping chore. So that was nice. We got out quickly, dropped our trash at the dumpster, and headed to McDonalds for a real meal, then home to nap. 

The size and conditions of the sites were tricky, the sites were too close together, and I would have had a better time if I had kayaks with me,  but we made it work. I plan to go back to Bronsons in the future with Jenna, but I want to continue to improve our gear first.  But for a last-minute rush trip, it was pretty great. 

Stay Dirty, 

Stone. 

[cromulentbookreview]

Everything is Terrible but at least we have Books

Everything sucks. Why not enjoy a good book? 

And by that, I mean: The Midnight Bargain, by C.L. Polk!

Do you need a comfort read? Do you need a book that has magic and romance and reading it makes your brain feel like it’s being wrapped up in a nice, warm hug? Do you need a book that you will willingly sacrifice precious sleep in order to finish? 

Then you need The Midnight Bargain. 

Yes, I know, I’ve been giving out a lot of 5-stars lately, but that’s mostly because right now, I need those 5-star, forget-about-reality-type books right now. But The Midnight Bargain isn’t just a wonderful, comforting read for troubled times - The Midnight Bargain is just plain great, period.

Beatrice Clayborne lives in a man’s world. Men control pretty much everything: magic, government, women’s lives, everything. In a world similar to 18th century England, in the nation of Chasland, women have little to no rights. Women capable of wielding magic are really only valued for their, uh, ability to pass magical skills down to their offspring and not much else. Women aren’t allowed to study magic the way men are - women are supposed to get married and have children because that is the natural order of things and anyone who deviates from that natural order shall be ostracized by society forevermore. 

Yes, I realize I’m not making this book sound very comforting at the moment, but trust me, it is. Perhaps it is spoilerish for me to say, but rest assured, this book has a happy ending in which the Patriarchy is given a solid kick in the balls. 

Anyway!

Beatrice, our heroine, wants to study magic. She wants to tap into her magical ability to help her family’s situation, rather than using them to make a good marriage. Only, Beatrice’s family is kind of absolutely relying on her making a brilliant match during the so-called Bargaining Season, similar to, you know, The Season that rich people in 19th century novels talk about. The Bargaining Season is a time in which the families of wealthy society women with magical abilities broker marriages. If you go through more than two Bargaining Seasons without getting a husband, then, well, you’ve failed and no one will ever want you. Plus, these seasons are expensive AF. Beatrice’s family has gone into significant debt just to pay for her first Bargaining Season, and they’re counting on her making a brilliant match to quite literally save her family from poverty.

Oh, I should mention the additional catch. The one thing Beatrice wishes to avoid: being collared. 

See, magical spirits want nothing more than a body to possess. They’d gladly possess an unborn child, so, once they’re born, they could exist in a physical form and wreak magical havoc. In order to protect women’s unborn children (please excuse me while I vomit everything I’ve ever eaten ever), upon marriage, women must be locked into a warding collar, cutting off their access to magic. 

Or, if you’re a woman and you’re mouthy, have opinions, and can do magic, you might just get locked into that collar anyway. 

The prospect of being locked into a warding collar is absolutely terrifying and Beatrice would do anything to avoid it. But she must somehow prove her mettle with magic and show her family that she can help raise their fortunes through magic, not marriage. Fortunately, Beatrice finds a grimoire that can help her become a fully-fledged Magus. Unfortunately, that grimoire is snatched out of her hands by Ysbeta Lavan, a woman of fabulous wealth who just so happens to have a few of the same goals as Beatrice. 

Those goals, however, don’t (at that moment) include sharing the grimoire with Beatrice. 

Desperate to get the grimoire back, Beatrice summons a minor luck spirit, Nadi, and strikes a bargain: she wants to share Beatrice’s body for an evening at a ball, and she wants Beatrice to dance, eat cake, and kiss a handsome man. Namely, Ysbeta’s gorgeous, liberal-minded brother, Ianthe Lavan. 

As Beatrice becomes closer to the Lavan siblings, things get more and more complicated: can she practice magic and still be married? Can she have her own family without a warding collar? Can she save her family and still find her own happiness? Can she really have all that and her teamster sub??

The Midnight Bargain is one of those rare books that I literally could not stop reading. I have to be up stupidly early for work (did you know there’s a 4 in the AM?) so I’m pretty strict about my bedtime because I’m an adult and I need my job in order to make money so I can repay my student loans and buy books. Normally, there is no book, movie or TV show that will get me to stay up past my self-imposed bedtime because falling asleep at work would mean goodbye job and money I need to repay my student loans and buy books.

I stayed up for two and a half hours past my bedtime just to finish The Midnight Bargain. This is the second time a book by C. L. Polk has done this to me - the first was with her debut, Witchmark. With three books, she’s managed to knock the ball out of the park three times in a row. I don’t know how she does it, but damn I wish I could use whatever magic C. L. Polk is using on some of my moldering works in progress. Seriously, why can’t books just write themselves? 

Anyway. I wish I had more eloquent things to say about how much I loved this book, but I don’t. 2020 has been a hell of a year, you guys. I try to, at the very least, review one book a month on this stupid blog, but, once again, I failed. September was quite literally hellish - I mean, my whole state caught fire and I had to flee my house in the middle of the night because the fires were right there, at the end of the road. I tore through The Midnight Bargain at the end of August with every intention of writing a review then, but I didn’t, because this year is the worst and it just keeps getting worse. But we still have books to escape into whenever things get bleak, so do yourself a favor, read The Midnight Bargain and escape into a magical world filled with romance, men who are kind, sweet baby angels, and the patriarchy gets the punch to the dick it so richly deserves. 

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone in need of a nice, romantic pick-me-up book to escape into for a few hours to forget what a total dumpster fire the world is right now.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who considers 2020 to be a fantastic year.

RELEASE DATE: October 13, 2020

RATING: 5/5

WHO WOULD PLAY IANTHE IN THE MOVIE: 

Why, hello there, Dev Patel...

Because everything sucks, here’s this gif:

My heart...my heart...

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 500,000,000,000 / 5

NADI RATING: 

RUTH BADER GINSBURG:

Rest in power, RBG. The world misses you.

[id-never-letyoudown]

Hate turned sweet

Ted had always been that sleezeball creep at work. That guy who always made a pass. Always had his mind in the gutter. Charlotte did her best to ignore him. Well, that was when she first started. When her marriage wasn't a glorified dumpster fire. When she didn't have to beg for her husband to please, just please, look at her like he used to.

So yes, she could say at first she hated Ted. She hated that, that cocky grin he'd get whenever he made her blush. That stupid, "innocent" look in his eyes when he'd ask for her help and she knew it was just an excuse to be close to her.

She hated how giddy he made her. She was married. She had a husband. She shouldn't be thinking about another man like this. Oh, but he was so cute. In a stupid way.

She spent so long ignoring or bickering with him. It took her some thinking, and time, to figure out what she wanted. Or needed.

It started out small, testing the waters. Little touches here, a compliment there. And she got to know him, actually know him. He was sweet. A big ol' stupid sweetheart. A little brash and he didn't have much of a filter, but he said what he meant and he meant what he said.

And he said "I think you're smokin'." which, no wasn't exactly romantic. But it made her laugh. And feel warm. It was so nice to feel wanted again.

Ted was the only man who ever cared about what she had to say. How she was feeling.

And maybe that's what lead her to his doorstep in the middle of the night. On her anniversary. Not that Sam cared to notice. Maybe she was reading things wrong. Maybe she was about to make a fool of herself.

Maybe she wanted to take that chance.

"Charlotte? What're you doing here?" Ted greeted, confused and yet happy. Happy to see her. Mostly confused though.

"I don't know." She announced, and pushed her way through.

Ted stared a second at the spot she just was, toothbrush poised in his mouth. "... Alright?" He closed the door, "Is something the matter? Usually I don't mind having foxy babes show up on my doorstep at... two in the morning, but this is a lil-" when he turned to look at her his breath caught.

Because there, right there, stood Charlotte. Red faced with her robe pooled around her feet. Wearing the cutest little blue number.

Ted's jaw dropped, almost comically, toothbrush falling straight to the floor. And he swallowed, which probably wasn't a good thing. You shouldn't swallow toothpaste. So he was probably going to die, and that'd be okay, because the last thing he'd ever see would be Charlotte standing right in front of him, all dolled up, in some frilly blue lingerie.

"Ted?"

All he could do was stare, not a word out of him. Which was a change for once.

"Oh no... you don't like it, do you?" Charlotte wasn't taking the silence well. "Oh I knew this was a bad idea-I should just go. I'm sorry-"

Ted choked, "No! No, no-shit, Charlotte. You just-alright, wow. You caught me off guard is all." He put his hands on her shoulders, taking her in. His cheeks were bright and pink. "You're so... beautiful.... Like a sexy angel-am I dead? I must be dead. I done died and went to heaven-it was the toothpaste, wasn't it?"

"Ted Porker, you absolute bafoon." Charlotte giggled, "You always know how to get me straight to laughing."

"What can I say, doll? It's a gift. Now, you wanna see what other noises I can get you to do?"

"Ted!.... I thought you'd never ask."

[insane-control-room]

You + Me + Ink Kids = Family

Here is some art for this!

(about 2200 words)

Joey and Henry share a moment. Or at least they try to.

“Hey, sweetheart,” the croon came out of nowhere, Henry’s arms wrapping around Joey’s shoulders, a nip on his pointed ears. A stifled gasp. Henry smirked, rubbing his hands up and down on his husband’s chest. “You look so nice now, my husband….”

Husband.

What a pleasant word. Thank god they lived near a coast and Bertrum owned a boat. Finding loopholes in laws was Joey’s expertise, and within a year, they were legally married through Captain’s Laws, and no American judge could argue with the sanctity (though they did attempt to revoke Bertrum’s clergy hood, but to no avail as he had received his ordinance in Britain).

“Husband.” Joey murmured, setting down his pen, leaning his head back onto Henry’s shoulder. “I love you, but what’s with the sudden affection?”

“Nothin’,” Henry rubbed his face on his neck gently. “Just thinking about how time is changed… first you were my friend, then my business partner, then my best friend, then my infatuation, then my head and heart ache, and then my crush… remember what came next?”

“It wasn’t boyfriend, that’s for sure,” Joey laughed quietly, Henry chuckling and kissing his hairline. “Oh, it was not that.”

“Oh, you surely remember what I called you, don’t you?” Henry rose an eyebrow and Joey flushed, nodding with a swallow. “Ah, yes. You were my pretty little affair. My lover. Sneaking out in the middle of the night, or better yet, I’d ensnare you here in the studio, trap you in a hidden away room and revel in your moans and whines, my pretty little affair, so sweetly sinful. Your stuttering protests of how I was a married man killed by touches and kisses. Your worries over my daughter silenced by skin on skin. You were my secret pretty little affair. Now, you’re my beautiful tall husband.”

“I love you,” was all Joey managed to breathe. Henry chuckled again, pulling Joey out of his seat. “W-what are you doing?”

“Planning on getting you in bed,” Henry replied easily. Joey let out a hysterical laugh. Henry pushed him against the wall, pulling his legs out from under him to put them on the same height. “What’s so funny, darling?”

“We are at work, and it’s one in the afternoon,” Joey answered in a hushed whisper, blush flowing through his face. Henry smirked and swooped to bite the side of Joey’s neck, licking it and sucking on the skin. Joey gasped, his back arching. “H-Henry! Oh my… hn, ah! N-not so fast! You’re gonna make me-e…. s-slow down, Hen, please!”

“Babe, I want you in bed, I’ve been patient, I ain’t stoppin’,” Henry told him, his voice reverberating against his throat, eliciting a moan. Joey quietly asked him to slow again, and Henry acquiesced, removing his mouth from his neck, trailing a hand down his arm to grip his wrist, holding him to the wall with his hips. With his free hand, he traced Joey’s lips. “So pretty… so delicious… and all mine.”

“Oh, Henry, I always have been,” Joey panted, trying to catch his breath from Henry’s attack on his neck, “I’ve always been yours.”

“Your lips say such sweet lies,” Henry purred, Joey flushing rapidly. “I love it when you tell the truth like this….”

“I love you, Henry,” he smiled lightly, leaning to kiss him softly, pulling back after a moment. “I could never lie to you… you know me too well.”

“I do, don’t I?” he destroyed Joey with those flashing eyes. He felt himself go lax, there was no denying Henry any longer. Henry lifted his head with a finger, and he positively melted. “Yes?”

“Yes, please,” Joey whispered, the blush already gone, lost in love. Henry leaned to him, raising an eyebrow, waiting patiently for Joey to finish his sentence. Now the blush inched back. “Please kiss me.”

The shorter did not wait an instant, their mouths connecting softly. Joey sighed, eyes closing, in pure love. Henry bit his lips, gently but possessively, a silent claim. His hards caught Joey’s free wrist, gripping them together in one hand, using the other to roam the chicano’s skin. He Joey felt Henry grin against his lips as he dipped his thumb into his pants, tracing small hearts along his waist, going further into cloth with every iteration. That son of a… ohhhh, but he felt so good…. Henry chuckled at the groan that escaped Joey, pressing his hips harder on Joey’s, the taller man’s legs wrapped around him and his back flush against the wall. Joey whined, trying to entangle his hands in golden locks or grip a muscled arm, but both his wrists were pinned above his head rendering that impossible. In replacement, he turned his face away from Henry.

“Doll, Joey, let me take care of you,” Henry softly insisted, nuzzling his neck. Joey breathed, leaning his head back. “C’mon….”

“Just give me a second,” Joey replied quietly, shivering. Henry kissed his shoulder, making his way up to his cheek. “Ngh… I did tell you to slow down….”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Henry murmured. “I keep forgetting not to overstimulate you… heh, even right after you reminded me.”

“It’s alright, darling,” Joey tilted his head to press kisses onto his hairline. “Okay. You can continue now, but please, can we go home? Someone could walk in on u-AH! H-ha! Ohh, f-fuck…. Ngh, ah… Henry…!”

Henry smirked, sucking on Joey’s collar, tightening his hold on the taller’s wrists and raising him higher against the wall, rolling his hips onto Joey’s.

“See babe?” he purred into his ear, slowly lowering him to ease his arms. Joey kissed him, breath coming in small huffs. “No one’s walking in o-”

“Whatchya two up ta?” Bendy’s bouncy young tones inquired. Joey, having forgotten about their inky triplets, started against Henry, his fight or flight instincts going into flight overdrive as he lunged forward, knocking over himself and Henry. Henry caught him before he landed face first on the floor. Bendy tilted his head a full ninety degrees to inspect them. “What’re ya doin’, dads?”

Joey found talking an impossibility from fluster, so he looked beseechingly and nervously toward Henry. The man gaped back at him, before realizing the severity of Joey’s stark muteness, and he slapped together the first thing that could make logical sense.

“We were… uh…” he stumbled over the words, his arm involuntarily tightening around Joey’s body. “Wrestling! Yeah! We, uh, ha, were wrestling. For adults.”

“Weird kinda wrestling, if ya ask me,” Bendy commented, frowning. He shrugged and grinned. “But who am I to judge?”

“You are not to judge, since you are our son,” Henry managed to continue, his voice wavering, his face ablaze, Joey’s mimicking the flush even worse than he. “Now, Bendy, you go off and find your siblings. You’re gonna stay with your Grauntie and Grunkle tonight.”

“Really!?” Bendy’s toon cut maroon eyes lit up. In both a literal and figurative sense. “Imma go tell Linda, Bo and Alice!”

“Tell Bertrum and Lacie, too!” Henry called after him. He noticed Joey’s shook look. “What?”

“Wrestling?” his husband inquired, cocking an eyebrow. “Of all things… Henry, I love you, but wrestling? Have you seen my body?”

“Oh, yeah,” Henry muttered, slipping his hands into Joey’s shirt. Joey gasped. “Every beautiful inch of it. I might need to revisit the gallery and refresh my memory, though.”

Joey squeaked, unable to reply as Henry’s hand found the curve of his thigh to dwell on, gently stroking it.

“Now that our little dear demon is gone,” Henry mused, “can I get back to trying to get you to heaven in bed?”

“Tu diablo, you don’t need to,” Joey struggled to find the right words, “to make that sound so… so sexual!”

“Joey. Babe. Darlin’. That’s exactly what it is,” Henry, amused, remarked. Joey flushed, looking away and forcing himself not to smile, failing awfully. “So, Johan, my handsome tall husband, can I make you feel good?”

“You always do, no matter what,” Joey answered. Henry did not seem impressed, though he was rather bemused Joey’s expression, loving and doting. Henry rose an eyebrow and the leg between Joey’s. Joey blushed, hurriedly getting up and pulling Henry with him, dragging him to the exit of the office. “Let’s at least get to a bed for that to happen, Henry.”

“Mmm, I’m impatient though,” he reflected, pushing Joey against the door as he tried to open it. He pressed kisses onto his back, wrapping his arms around him. Joey muttered something in spanish, twisting in his hold to lean and take him into his own arms, lifting him with a silenced grunt, Henry yelping in surprise as he found his feet off the ground and taken to quite a distance from the ground. He quickly opened the door, still holding Henry with one arm as he briskly walked down the hall. Henry took this opportunity to kiss his face while not obscuring his partner in everything’s vision, pressing his lips to his temple and cheek and jawline, carefully avoiding that sweet spot under his ear as to not initiate a system shut down. Someone almost bumped into them, clearly meaning to ask Joey something. Henry grinned at the music director, not pausing in his administrations to Joey’s cheek and ear. “Oh, hey, Sammy.”

“Hello, Mr. Stein, Mr. Drew,” he greeted, amused, referring to both with each name. “Could I ask some things about the music for the upcoming episode?”

“Certainly,” Joey, his voice straining and much higher than usual, replied. Henry smirked, keeping eye contact with Sammy as he kissed and bit Joey’s neck. Sammy grinned, unable to keep a straight face at Joey’s absolute fluster. After a few seconds of silence, Joey stamped his foot, flushed and embarrassed.  “Hurry up, Samuel!”

“Alright, alright,” Sammy chuckled. “Did you want the episode to be more bass heavy or treble heavy?”

“Um… treble,” Joey nodded, regretting the action instantly, Henry’s mouth grazing up and down his neck, sending sparks through his whole body. Sammy nearly laughed aloud at Joey’s suddenly blank expression, knowing that inside he was a dumpster fire. “Was th-there anything else?”

“I think I’ll figure it out from here, thanks,” he hummed. He winked at them. “Have fun.”

Joey did not reply, he simply rushed from the studio as fast as he could, focusing getting home as quickly as possible, now glad for the time of day, as no one was out.

He slammed the door with his foot, pressing Henry to the wall, panting, slowly sinking down the soft paint colored wall. Henry lowered his legs to support them, Joey becoming the one held. He kissed him, just nice and sweet.

He swayed as he carried Joey to their room, still kissing him, deepening it as he set him on their bed. He pulled away, admiring at his beautiful almost purple blush. Joey’s eyes slowly opened, and Henry kissed away the tears that threatened to leak from those gorgeous puce orbs.

“Don’t cry, love,” Henry murmured.

“Sorry, honey,” Joey whispered, wiping at his eyes. “I’m crying because I’m so happy… people can die from happiness, right? I feel so far away….”

“Well, I’m right here, and you’re here with me.”

“I know… I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Bendy tramped down the stairs, singing quietly to himself. When the amusement park came into his sight, he picked up speed, yelling, “I’m here!”

Bertrum turned barely in time to catch his ‘great nephew’ in his arms, stumbling back several feet from the shockwave.

“Hey Grunkle Bertrum!” he happily greeted, hugging him tightly. “Dad said me an’ Ali and Bo an’ Linda are stayin’ with you and Grauntie Lacie tonight!”

“Did he now?” Bertrum asked, adjusting his hold on his (heavily spoiled) nephew. “Lacie, my dear, we have four little guests tonight.”

“Ugh, Stein owes us,” Lacie grumbled, but smiled. Linda, beside hir, bounced Psyche on her lap gently, the baby gurgling contentedly, Alice making faces at them. “It’s nice to have the help, y’know, but damn… ah, oh well.”

Both she and Bertrum looked tired. Psyche, growing into their powers, abused them constantly, and their poor parents had to put up with all sorts of demigod insanity. (Lacie nearly lost it the first time she found them on the ceiling.)

Boris smiled, resting his head on Lacie’s lap. She patted his head, and he signed, ‘hungry.’

“You’re always hungry, little wolf of mine,” Bertrum remarked, but still motioned to him, and they went, he still holding Bendy, to the pub room to get food for him.

Alice glanced up at her aunt and Linda, a devious smirk spreading on her pink lips.

“I bet Dad and Pap are gonna fuck,” the angel said, raising an eyebrow and grinning. Lacie kept a straight face and sighed; this was normal. Linda smiled a bit, and it bloomed into a full ear to ear grin. “I bet you ten dollars.”

“Deal, but how would we know?” Linda pointed out, Psyche nomming on Alice’s halo, enjoying the tingle. Alice pondered. “It’s not like they’ll tell us.”

“If Papa has a hard time walking tomorrow,” Alice concluded, grinning. Lacie laughed and shook hir head slightly. “What?”

“Y’know Johan always has a hard time walkin’,” Lacie chuckled. “So I think that ain’t gonna work for ya.”

Alice was silent for a minute.

She looked at Lacie with solemn eyes.

“You ask them, then.”

[xxxsimplyhookedxxx]

Okay I have to make a commet here.   Just read these detailed comments and realize that this person deleted the comment that made these comments neccessary.    

The Commentary Collection

...

(Previous comment deleted.)

Louise_1 on Chapter 3Mon 22 Jan 2018 03:39AM EST

I do like Bernadette as her own character, but she's never been allowed to be more then 'Howard's girlfriend

"Bernadette" is not a character, she is a collection of hateful stereotypes.

How many times do I have to repeat this? "Bernadette" is a textbook-perfect example of an abuser. She has ALL the criteria. The H/B is a textbook-perfect example of an abusive relationship, in every detail.

If a person behaved this way IRL, it would be clear to everyone that she was mentally and emotionally unwell, and not in a position to be anyone's date, spouse, friend, employee, or co-worker. The notion of someone like this playing any part in the raising of a child is quite disturbing.

"Bernadette" shows many features of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and other Cluster B disorders. Again, she's not a character, she's just a lazily-assembled hodge-podge of bad ideas.

She's also the most misogynist thing I've ever seen in a mainstream sitcom. Make no mistake, this is the creation of someone who absolutely *loathes* women.

I have gone scorched-earth on this show and its ships. I am not interested in anyone who believes that this character is kinda-sorta-maybe okay. It is useless to even try to analyze this character, because there's nothing cohesive or consistent or believable about "her."

I don't see how anyone could read this work and still think that i'm open to any positive assessment of "Bernadette."

"Bernadette" is repulsive. Go kick rocks, I'm not interested in excuses.

If you had even read this comment-thread, you would know that we are not like-minded. Seriously, go away.

She's a monster, and more importantly she's one hundred percent lacking in appeal of any sort.

EDIT: I am sorry to get so heated over something fictional, but the point is that fictional things can and do have an affect on real-world attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors. Culture and pop-culture feed off each other.

Last Edited Tue 23 Jan 2018 11:27PM EST

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(Previous comment deleted.)

Louise_1 on Chapter 1Fri 28 Jul 2017 12:05PM EDT

Bernadette is clearly not Howard's "soulmate." I don't think you understood the intent of this piece. My entire point is that this pairing is not a positive thing. And I'm not interested in the baby.

Thank you for your comment, but the whole purpose of this work is to expose and examine how terrible these pairings are. I don't think you read past the first chapter.

Bernadette is not a character, she's a bundle of hateful anti-woman stereotypes.

I am not going to engage in debate with supporters of this show. I thank you for the politeness of your comment, but any further pro-Canon comments of this type will be deleted.

Howard has not actually been seen since Season 3 or 4. The character you're referring to is "Howie", and he's a whole different thing.

"Lazy husband, nagging wife" is a centuries-old comedy trope and there's nothing fresh, original, clever or insightful about it. It's sexist and ridiculous and it doesn't belong on television in 2017, nor does it have anything to do with BBT 's original premise.

Go watch the Hallmark Channel if you want weddings and babies.

In its current state, this show is misogynist, misandrist, anti-Semitic, derivative, mean-spirited, and carelessly written. If you find those things entertaining, I don't know what to say to you.

I recognize that your comment was intended in a friendly manner, and I appreciate that. But I am done listening to anyone defend the H/B relationship or the dumpster fire which this show has become.

We need to expect more from the entertainment industry than "men are dumb, women are bitchy."

I am not going to play nice with this nonsense. Howie is not Howard, and this ship is appalling.

Last Edited Fri 28 Jul 2017 01:39PM EDT

[nanshe-of-nina]

People of the Edwardian phase of the Hundred Years War as dril tweets

Philippe VI de France: Time and time Again. People on here Fuck me over and ruin my life. simply for starting the Dialouge.

Edward III of England: thinking of wrapping my entire body in barbed wire and becoming Sovereign.

Jehan II de France: a teen approached me at the food court and said “I see you wore your clown costume today” and i spent the next 9 hours processing the insult.

Jehanne de Bourgogne: CHILD: Papa.. tell me once more about WIFE’s DUTY. PAPA: it is WIFE’s DUTY to protect her husband from villains, always.

Jitka Lucemburská: Damn. the MomTown forums just started requiring 4 point Mom Verificaiton to be able to post there for some reason..anyone got a work around?

Philippa de Hainaut: my opinion on politics: my opinion on politics is that politidcs is extremely good, but sometimes it is bad.

Ludwig IV, Holy Roman Emperor: bigmouth fake priest telling me to “drink a shitload of holy water and kill yourself” as penance? this has happened at three churches now.

Pope Benedict XII: it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that the celebs are at it again.

Jehan III, duc de Bretagne: i just left an enormous pile of vomit behind golds gym for all of you abominable pig clowns to pick at #blackfridaydeals

Robert III d’Artois: (in really quiet, barely audible voice) hope your dick falls of bitch.

Hugues Quiéret: currently employed as Water Guru at the beach. it’s sort of like being a lifeguard except i have no inclination to touch the drowning people.

Geoffroy d’Harcourt: OH im so Fucking sorry “Your Majesty”, i didnt realize that dick rings were banished in this dystopian piss earth. Ur probably a 9gag poster.

Jacob van Artevelde: (in highly rational and cool voice) i have the higher follower count than them. i wiont let them undermine me.

Pope Clement VI: may the wind carry my tweets and soothte the sick, the wounded, the downtrodden of both man & beast, across the savage shit earth of trolls,

Jehanne de Valois, comtesse de Hainaut: startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no.

Eudes IV, duc de Bourgogne: myth: making me mad is cool FACT: making me mad is a crap move& people who do it are all sociopathivc criminals with fucked up rotten brains.

Jehan de Montfort: turning my headlights off when driving at night,.. so that my Rivals cannot see me.

Jehanne de Flandre: i just want to find the optimal bra for sniper operations, but everoyne here is so rude, and pieces of shit.

Johann der Blinde of Bohemia: Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts.

Charles II, comte d’Alençon: ((SPILLING BLOOD ALL OVER KEYBOARD) THIS IS WHAT U WANT. THIS IS WHAT U FUCKING BASTARDS WANT RIGHT (1 WEEK LATER) WHY ARE THE KEYS STICKING

Jehanne de Clisson: as far as im concerned the best revenge is ordering wolf piss online & pouring it into soneones car. “living well” is too hard.

Arnaud de Cervole: i will raze every forest and devour each city in blood tribute for the crime of 9/11!! please nbring back blue collar TV

Frank Hennequin: the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit.

William Montagu, 1st Earl of Salisbury: im at the point in my life where i cant relate to any popular fictional characters unless they use massive amounts of hair gel and steriods.

Antonio Doria: my name is Destyn. i build crossbows and sell weed to all your dads and im 15.

Gautier VI de Brienne: MYTH: my posts are for the Pauper REALITY: my posts are for the Prince.

Étienne Marcel: looked at a newspaper today. looks like we’re getting taxed out the wazoo, with this president. anyone else see this shit? tax out the wazoo.

Guillaume Cale: “FEAR IS USED 2 ENSLAVE THE MASSES,” I SAID AS I RIPPED THE FUCKIN DECORATIVE CARDBOARD SKELETON OFF OF THE COMMUNITY CENTERS BULLETIN BOARD

Edward Montagu, 1st Baron Montagu: girls always love to telling people not to“ Mansplain” but they do not care of, “Man's Pain”

Louis Iᵉʳ, comte de Flandre: 1) i do not owe you mother fuckers a damn thing 2) i will not hear any more questions or comments unless they pertain to MetroPCS, or Pepsi.

Philippe III de Navarre: the crusaders fire ballistas into my throbbing diaper- unlesashing a torrent of mustard yellow shit and poisoning the entire village.

Gaston II, comte de Foix: i am going to plunge a sword into our bed and officially end outr 40 yr marriage if you do not stop yelling while i am recording my stream’s.

Henry de Grosmont, 1st Duke of Lancaster: please help my cousin “Bruno_THought_Leader” who just had his account suspended for threatening to “Fuck” brexit.

Robert Le Coq, Bishop of Laon: i have absolutely zero interest in friendship, i have absolutely zero interest in jokes, i am simply here to collect data and earn respect.

Jehan Iᵉʳ, comte d’Armagnac: the joke is on you fuck face. i actually love getting screamed at and publicly shamed for my dumb-assed bull shit . I love apologizing.

Bardi and Peruzzi families: boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool’s Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!

Jehanne II de Navarre: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and NIce manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT.

William de Bohun, 1st Earl of Northampton: if you have less than 1000 followers i can guarantee you that me and the boys share your posts in vip chat rooms and call you a "Muthafucka”.

William de la Pole: thinking about getting the dow jones back on track, simply by making a few phonecalls. but certain people have been a bitch to me, so i wont.

Thomas de Beauchamp, 11th Earl of Warwick: shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right.

Thomas Holland, 1st Earl of Kent: ive heard from a reliable source that people arre putting their lips on to my girl friends avatars and going “muah muah muah.” cut it out.

Raoul II de Brienne, comte d’Eu: hate it when my boss knocks out the front leg of my desk with a baseball bat and funko pop lego shit flies every where.

Karel IV, Holy Roman Emperor: “RESULT You are the Serpant. YOu dislike loud places and people are constantly putting drama in your life. But you’re strong.” This is true.

Charles de Blois-Châtillon: torturing my damn dick with corn cob holders in Penance for the foul tone i took with the subway corporation today.

Jehanne de Penthièvre: i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc.

Jacques Iᵉʳ de Bourbon, comte de La Marche: “ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders” Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.

John Chandos: DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor ME: No,

Jehan d’Artos, comte d’Eu: , who had gone missing for 17 years and was presumed dead after failing to return from his ultimate dumpster diving life quest

William Douglas, 1st Earl of Douglas: i get emails. i get emails saying the trolls have won, and that i should bow to them, since i have lost the battle. to this i say FAT-CHANCE.

David II of Scotland: “jail isnt real,” i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco.

Charles de La Cerda: i think that turning myself Gay in the summer of 2013 would really impress my overseas investors.

William de Montagu, 2nd Earl of Salisbury: my watch beeps whwich means its time to stand in front of my ex-wife’s house and play “Hit THe Road Jack” while dacning and licking her mail.

Edward the Black Prince: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

Jehan III de Grailly: its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town.

Louis II, comte de Flandre: U Have Forced Me To Take Extreme Measures To Protect My Business And My Lifestyle.

Blanche de Navarre: the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke “theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron”

Charles II de Navarre: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned Compilation

Philippe de Navarre: shooting off automatic rifles making horrible diarrhea shit noises as the recoil makes my tiny dick flop around. hell yeah. thats cool to me.

Charles, Dauphin de Viennois: surprise, dad. while you were witnessing the pennsylvania state lottery i tried on all your work gloves and they looked very handsome on me.

[southsidestory]

#across the stars (a wank wars story)

SUMMARY: Across the Stars dramatizes the story of the real life Skywalker clan, and fans of the show have built a legion of fractured followers across social media. Ben Solo goes by @mynameiskyloren, and his dealings with Rey, aka his rival fandom leader @jakkujunkrat, bring more than his true identity to light.

NOTES: This is the Star Wars social media fic that absolutely no one asked for. At best I can call this romantic crack with a dose of seriousness, and at worst the result of my brain weasels. Either way, it’s somewhat of an ode to tumblr and its crazy. If this isn’t a dumpster fire, please let me know! (PS my awesome husband helped me brainstorm for this, the evil genius.)

—

—

a long time ago in a fandom far, far away...

WANK

WARS

EPISODE VIII

ACROSS THE STARS

It is a period of civil war. Fans of popular historical holodrama ACROSS THE STARS squee over the Skywalker family legacy. The show’s three arcs, Republic, Rebellion, and Resistance, have earned critical acclaim and a legion of followers. In the wait between Seasons 7 and 8, WANK WARS fueled by boredom have gripped the fandom as they never have before.

The FIRST ORDER disparages AtS for its failure to dramatize the real Skywalkers' lives with historical accuracy after Season 3. @thesupremeleader, a BNF known only as Snoke, instigates drama whenever the fandom threatens to settle down.

But @mynameiskyloren, Snoke’s loyal devotee, is keeping his true identity hidden from the fandom. It’s only a matter of time before his dealings with @jakkujunkrat draw him away from the First Order, and he makes enemies of his former friends...

—

—

15 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

Look @mynameiskyloren I really don’t care about the historical accuracy of seasons 4-7. Most of us are here to have fun, to write fic and make art and shitpost about our favorite characters. You and your anti brigade need to get off your high tauntauns and face facts: Across the Stars prioritizes good storytelling over everything else. If you can’t accept that maybe you should move your ass along to another fandom instead of harassing the people who are here to celebrate something we love. I mean, this is a holodrama. Don’t you have anything better to do than fight over a piece of fiction???

#ats #wank wars #first order bs #fuck you very much

mynameiskyloren

You’re a hypocrite @jakkujunkrat. You’re arguing over a holodrama too, so you must not have anything better to do either.

And in case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t just fiction. These are real people’s lives being portrayed for mass consumption. Seasons 1-3 dealt in facts, and it still managed to draw all of us in, so don’t feed me that shit line that following real events doesn’t make for a good story.

Just be honest: you’re here to ship Han and Leia, and you don’t care what their marriage is like irl as long as you get their perfect love story in AtS. Maybe YOU should gtfo and find somewhere else to fangirl.

Or you know, just stick to scavenging, since that’s probably all you’re good at.

#ats #hanleia shippers are the worst #and jakkujunkrat is their queen #fuck you too sweetheart

fn-1337

Calm down, mynameisasshole. Dragging Rey’s real life into a fandom fight is a dick move. Especially since your privileged ass probably doesn’t know the first thing about the kind of hard work Rey does every day. So sit down and shut up.

#wank wars #first order bs #leave my friend alone

—

—

14 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

unpopular opinion: Yav Korren is a good-looking man and a great actor, but he is not as hot as the real Ben Solo.

#ben solo #my husband #apologies to yav #but otherwise sorrynotsorry #all these candids of ben cropping up on my dash are fucking me up #han and leia made the best looking son #they have good genes

starfleet-ace

lmao someone is thirsty. that’s an unpopular opinion for a reason, rey. you know i love you, but we’re gonna have to agree to disagree on that one. back me up @fn-1337

#yav korren is almost as hot as my boyfriend

fn-1337

Sorry baby, no can do. I’m with Rey on this one.

#<3 #ily poe

jakkujunkrat

Ben Solo is boyfriend goals. Fight me.

#we appreciate ben solo in this house #don’t come on my lawn and disparage my man #ben solo

themaidofstarkiller

Sorry @jakkujunkrat, it’s gross enough to ship real people, but openly talking about a 19-year-old celebrity child like he’s a piece of meat takes it to the next level. You’re really something else. Am I right, or am I right @therealhux @mynameiskyloren

#RPF is the stuff of nightmares #creeping on a real kid is even worse

therealhux

100% correct, Phasma. I couldn’t agree more.

mynameiskyloren

I hate to ever support @jakkujunkrat, but I don’t think it’s fair to criticize her just for having a celebrity crush. Who the hell doesn’t?

And she’s right about Ben Solo. Definitely better looking than Yav Korren.

jakkujunkrat

@themaidofstarkiller I’m 18, which I have plastered across the top of my blog. You stalk me too much not to already know that, so you can stfu with pulling Ben Solo’s age like it’s a receipt.

and kylo… did you just defend me??

#is the sky falling?

mynameiskyloren

Don’t get used to it, junkrat.

—

—

13 days before the Season 8 premiere

thesupremeleader

Just a reminder to the First Order that I have a zero tolerance policy for talking to Resistance fans.

I’m not going to call you out, but you know who you are.

#stay away from the resistance #if you want to keep your place on the right side of this fandom

therealhux

There’s no accounting for taste these days.

#not that I would expect better from the fan in question #he has so much trouble following the rules #like a toddler

mynameiskyloren

@therealhux if you have something to say to me, go ahead and say it.

#vagueposts are for cowards

therealhux

I just did. Or did you miss it with that goldfish attention span of yours?

#don’t see you calling thesupremeleader a coward

mynameiskyloren

Fuck you.

therealhux

So eloquent.

thesupremeleader

I don’t think you have room to further alienate your allies right now, Kylo. You’re on thin ice.

#get it together

mynameiskyloren

sorry @thesupremeleader

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: finn, are you seeing this?

fn-1337: you mean mynameisasshole taking heat from the first order BNFs? yeah i’m seeing it, and it tastes like sweet sweet comeuppance.

jakkujunkrat: i know i shouldn’t, but i feel kind of bad for him. he’s getting roasted by snoke and hux just for being nice to me. do you think i should say something?

fn-1337: rey. are you kidding me? this is the guy who’s been giving you hell for *four* years. remember that time he left a nasty review on your post-canon fic? he called it what… “repetitive and trite”?

jakkujunkrat: okay. good point. he can fend for himself.

—

—

12 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

This is the worst selfie in the world, but here you go. My sunburned face in all its glory.

#it me #forgive me for dirtying your dash with this

themaidofstarkiller

You should change your handle to jakkuleatherface. Or buy some sunscreen.

#she’s going to look 50 when she’s 30 #jakkujunkrat

therealhux

No wonder you’re single @jakkujunkrat

#I knew that someone that bitchy couldn’t be pretty

fn-1337

Don’t listen to a word these shitheads are saying, Rey. You’re beautiful.

#say one more word and i will drag you guys to hell and back

starfleet-ace

hux: i don’t think your pasty ginger ass gets to talk about anyone else’s looks

phasma: you’re as pretty on the outside as you are on the inside. which is to say ugly af

rey: you’re stunning, and they’re just jealous.

#you guys are really reaching here

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

fn-1337: Rey? You okay?

jakkujunkrat: yeah. i’m fine. just don’t really wanna talk right now.

fn-1337: all right, peanut. let me know if you need me. i’m here all night.

—

JAKKUJUNKRAT INBOX - ask me whatever as long as it’s nice

Anonymous

Hey. I’m really sorry to see all the hate you’re getting about your selfie. I hope this isn’t creepy coming from anon, but… I just want you to know that you’re really pretty, and those guys are being assholes. It’s got nothing to do with the way you look. They’d say the same thing to any Resistance fan.

jakkujunkrat

Thanks, nonny. I really needed to hear that.

And thank you @starfleet-ace and @fn-1337 for being awesome. You guys are the best friends a girl could ask for.

—

—

11 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

I need to take a break from fandom for a little while. Real life is catching up with me, and the rig I’ve put together to even get a slow shitty connection to the holonet is breaking down. I need to put my scavenger hat on and do some maintenance.

See you guys in a few days.

#it’s just a brief hiatus #i promise i’m not ghosting #personal

fn-1337

Take care, peanut. <3

#best friend #see you soon rey

therealhux

Maybe with the queen gone the peasants will settle down.

bee-bee-ate

I have a finger to point at you @therealhux. Here is a clue: it is not the index or the pinky, or the ring or the thumb. It’s the one you put up when you don’t give a fuck. :D

#choke bitch

—

—

10 days before the Season 8 premiere

fn-1337

Look, all I’m saying is that old!Han and old!Leia’s actors absolutely killed it in Season 7, and I can’t wait to see what they do in Season 8.

#my dash is flooded with promo photos of my OTP #and all I want to do is write HanLeia #ONLY TEN MORE DAYS

mynameiskyloren

Newsflash: your OTP is separated irl. Kills the romance a little doesn’t it?

If Season 8 is full of the same used romantic tropes that 4-7 was full of idk if I’m even going to stick around for it.

#god i hate this fandom #fuck the resistance

fn-1337

I’ve never prayed harder for used romantic tropes in my life.

#mynameisasshole strikes again #and for the record i only ship HanLeia in AtS #not irl #wank wars #first order bs

—

—

9 days before the Season 8 premiere

JAKKUJUNKRAT INBOX - ask me anything mean and you’ll be blocked

Anonymous

Hi. I know you said you were going to be gone for a little while, but I was just wondering if there’s an ETA on when you might be back? The fandom is pretty boring without you, junkrat.

—

PRIVATE MESSAGING

jakkujunkrat: ...did you send me that anon?

mynameiskyloren: no. if i have something to say to you i’ll say it to your face

jakkujunkrat: come off it, kylo. nobody calls me just “junkrat” but you. i’m “rey” to everybody in the resistance, and first order idiots would never send me anything that nice.

jakkujunkrat: kylo? you there?

mynameiskyloren: i’m here

jakkujunkrat: well. you sent it, right?

mynameiskyloren: yeah i did. but i can explain

jakkujunkrat: explain being decent to me? yeah that’s gonna require a fucking thesis.

jakkujunkrat: you’ve done nothing but harass me since i got involved in this fandom

mynameiskyloren: give me a break, rey

jakkujunkrat: i’m not giving you anything

mynameiskyloren: fine then there’s no point in having this conversation

jakkujunkrat: just be honest. why’d you send me that ask?

mynameiskyloren: because you seem all right. i still disagree with you about pretty much everything AtS related but… i don’t know. i’m starting to think that’s not a good enough reason to give you hell

mynameiskyloren: i think if i’d met you irl we could have gotten along. you have to admit that we keep up with each other pretty well.

mynameiskyloren: rey? say something

jakkujunkrat: i have to go

—

—

8 days before the Season 8 premiere

therealhux

Attention, all First Order fans: one of our own has been fraternizing with the resistance. And what’s more, he’s been stringing us along from day one.

@mynameiskyloren has lied about his age, where he lives, and who he is. He also has a relationship with the Across the Stars cast and their real life counterparts, which he’s been hiding for seven years.

Kylo Ren is actually Ben Solo, and if you don’t believe me I’ve got receipts and all of his personal information below the cut.

[Read More]

#payback is a bitch #mynameisalie

themaidofstarkiller

Hux. Is this some kind of joke??

starfleet-ace

@therealhux did you seriously just doxx one of your own??? wow you’re a piece of shit

fn-1337

Why isn’t anyone commenting on the fact that one of the biggest antis in this fandom is BEN FUCKING SOLO?!! ACTUAL SON OF THE REAL HAN AND LEIA!

#holy shit #it explains a lot at least #oh god i’ve been shipping his parents’ characters

fn-1337

@jakkujunkrat REEEEYYYYYYY

bee-bee-ate

This is gross. Real life identities should be protected, not revealed. Shame on you @therealhux

a-new-rose

Wow. This is crazy. I just got to this fandom and it’s kind of exploding…

#this guy can’t really be ben solo tho right?

thesupremeleader

I don’t think it needs to be said, but if anyone hasn’t put it together yet: mynameiskyloren is no longer welcome in this fandom.

#that’s what you get for lying

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: kylo? is it true?

sorry, this blog does not exist

—

—

7 days before the Season 8 premiere

mynameisbensolo

Hi everyone. This is the former mynameiskyloren here. There’s been a lot of stuff said about me in the last twenty-four hours, and I want to clear it up.

1) @therealhux did doxx me, which is low even for him.

2) I was talking to someone from the resistance, and the reason why is that I’m coming to see the damage that anti behavior can cause. I’ll make a more detailed post on that later, but in short, it’s going to involve a lot of apologizing.

3) In case you hadn’t guessed from my new handle: yes, I am Ben Solo.

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

starfleet-ace: REY where are you?? finn is flipping out and i can’t handle a fanboy meltdown this big on my own

starfleet-ace: Rey?

—

JAKKUJUNKRAT ACTIVITY FEED

mynameisbensolo is following you

—

JAKKUJUNKRAT INBOX - don’t ask me anything about ben solo

Anonymous

HOLY HELL!! mynameiskyloren is Ben Solo?!! pls tell me what you think about all of this Rey

Anonymous

ok i can see that u don’t want to be asked about ben solo, buuuut… you know we’re all dying to hear from you, right? i mean, you made that post about ben solo being hot, and then he turns out to be kylo!! come on Rey, throw us a bone here!

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

fn-1337: rey, i know this has gotta be pretty weird, but i’m starting to get worried about you. can you please come online long enough to let me know you’re all right?

jakkujunkrat: hey finn. i’m sorry for disappearing. this is all just… a lot.

fn-1337: yeah, i guess it would be.

fn-1337: can i ask you a question?

jakkujunkrat: always

fn-1337: are you the one he was talking to?

jakkujunkrat: yep. and he followed me this morning. idk what to do, finn.

fn-1337: you don’t have to do anything. you don’t owe him shit just because he decided to finally act like a human being. not after the way he’s treated all of us.

jakkujunkrat: i know that. really, i do.

fn-1337: then what’s the problem?

jakkujunkrat: the problem is that i think i was starting to like him. and now he’s… he’s ben solo. how am i supposed to talk to ben solo?

fn-1337: he’s just a person, peanut. an asshole, but a person.

—

—

6 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

Guys. I know you’re interested in what I think about the Kylo Ren / Ben Solo thing, but I would really appreciate it if you’d stop sending me messages about it. I’ve turned off anon for now. All of you have a nice day.

#sorry #this is getting to be a bit much

therealhux

So are you guys running off into the sunset together yet?

#you don’t have anyone fooled

jakkujunkrat

It looks like you can’t read: I’m not talking about Ben.

#your name should be therealilliterate

themaidofstarkiller

Our resident pathological liar certainly has the money to fly to Jakku. You two fucking yet?

#jakkuleatherface

this post has been deleted

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

mynameisbensolo: Rey? I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, but if you can, let me know

—

—

5 days before the Season 8 premiere

fn-1337

It seems like this fandom has forgotten why we’re really here. Season 8 starts in FIVE DAYS, so can we please forget about doxxing drama and focus on the fun?

#damn #ats #ats season 8 #FIVE DAYS in case i didn’t say it loud enough for the people in the back

bee-bee-ate

I am with you @fn-1337!

a-new-rose

Am I the only one that thinks @bee-bee-ate is some kind of resistance bot?

—

starfleet-ace

in entirely unrelated news, is anyone else sick of Snoke’s stupidly detailed metas with a list of citations longer than his arm? we really don’t care how many degrees you have, man. it’s just a holodrama and you’re treating fandom like a history test you have to pass.

thesupremeleader

I think it’s safe to say that you wouldn’t know much about passing history tests @starfleet-ace.

—

FN-1337 INBOX - don’t bother with hate

bee-bee-ate

Are you going to roast Snoke for calling your boyfriend stupid?

fn-1337

You bet your ass I am.

#bring it you supreme idiot #i’m about to rip you apart

—

—

4 days before the Season 8 premiere

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: Ben? I’m here

mynameisbensolo: Damn. It’s really nice to be called by my real name lol

jakkujunkrat: lol I guess so

mynameisbenolo: Rey, I know it probably doesn’t mean much, but I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I hurt you and I bothered the hell out of you, and if I could take it back I would.

jakkujunkrat: It’s not okay, but I believe you. And I guess I can see now why you were so sensitive about the show. It must be weird to see yourself represented on screen like that.

mynameisbensolo: lol yeah. Especially when the popular opinion is that Yav Korren is a lot better looking than me :/

jakkujunkrat: Well. Not to me. But I guess you know that.

jakkujunkrat: this is so embarrassing.

mynameisbensolo: i saw that you deleted everything you had tagged with my name

jakkujunkrat: what, you went looking through it? That’s not narcissistic at all.

mynameisbensolo: better than tagging a stranger #my husband

jakkujunkrat: i don’t know why i thought i could talk to you. i don’t care who you are, you’re still awful

mynameisbensolo: wait i’m sorry rey don’t go

mynameisbensolo: please

jakkujunkrat: why shouldn’t i?

mynameisbensolo: i wasn’t trying to be mean

jakkujunkrat: and yet

mynameisbensolo: Stop it. Stop acting like you don’t feel this too.

jakkujunkrat: i don’t know what you’re talking about.

mynameisbensolo: Then I’ll be more explicit. I like you. I think you’re gorgeous and funny and smart, and I’ve wanted to kiss you for awhile. Long before I had any idea what you looked like.

mynameisbensolo: Still don’t know what I’m talking about, sweetheart?

jakkujunkrat: i can’t do this right now. i have to work if I want to eat. Literally.

mynameisbensolo: please don’t disappear again

—

—

3 days before the Season 8 premiere

fn-1337

If one more person sends @jakkujunkrat another message or hijacks her posts with questions about Ben Solo I will personally escort them to the nearest burn unit.

#not kidding #not even a little bit #leave my friend alone #sologate

starfleet-ace

get these thugs, finn.

bee-bee-ate

I support this action.

#protect our scavenger queen

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: all right. let’s talk.

mynameisbensolo: I’m really glad you said that. Because… okay don’t be mad. Please.

jakkujunkrat: ...why would I be mad?

mynameisbensolo: I’m kind of. Here.

jakkujunkrat: what do you mean “here”?

mynameisbensolo: as in, on Jakku. I’m at Niima Outpost right now. I’ve tried getting directions from about ten different people but they either don’t speak Basic or have no idea where you live.

jakkujunkrat: you’ve got to be joking. are you joking?

mynameisbensolo: Depends on how angry you’ll be if I say “no”

jakkujunkrat: You have to leave. Right now.

mynameisbensolo: Oh. Okay.

mynameisbensolo: I’m really sorry, Rey I don’t know what I was thinking. I just knew you were here, and I wanted to have a chance to talk to you in person. But if you want me to go, I’ll go.

jakkujunkrat: then get out of here

—

mynameisbensolo

Please forgive me.

#do not reblog

—

—

2 days before the Season 8 premiere

therealhux

All I’m going to say is that you got what was coming to you.

#no i don’t regret doxxing him #stop asking

themaidofstarkiller

^^^

#lol #revenge is delicious

mitakahere

Do you think they’re broken up? Or were they ever together?

#forgive him rey!! #i don’t know what he did #but pls forgive him

fn-1337

Full offense @mitakahere but this is none of your business.

#leave my friend alone #i’m getting really tired of tagging that

themaidofstarkiller

Resistance morons aren’t welcome on this thread @fn-1337

Get the hell off Hux’s post.

#they’re just everywhere aren’t they? #but finn is the worst

bee-bee-ate

@themaidofstarkiller you have a bad dye job and a worse attitude. Perhaps you should consider a personality recalibration.

#i could help with that! :D

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: Ben?

mynameisbensolo: yes?

jakkujunkrat: where are you?

mynameisbensolo: on Hosnian Prime. Why?

jakkujunkrat: please come back to Jakku

mynameisbensolo: really? You’re not messing with me, are you?

jakkujunkrat: really. I’ve never had a visitor before, and you surprised me by just showing up unannounced. which wasn’t all right by the way.

mynameisbensolo: I know. I won’t do it again.

jakkujunkrat: stop messaging me and get on a ship.

mynameisbensolo: as you wish, sweetheart.

—

—

1 day before the Season 8 premiere

starfleet-ace

okay i think that no matter where you stand in this fandom, we can all agree that tomorrow is gonna be awesome. we’ve been waiting a year for this! don’t let us down, Rian!

fn-1337

You can say that again, love.

#ONE DAY #ONE MORE DAY #THAT’S IT #23 HOURS AND 14 MINUTES TO BE EXACT

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

fn-1337: Rey??? Where r u? I need someone to celebrate with.

jakkujunkrat: sorry finn, i’m busy.

fn-1337: what are you doing that makes you too busy to cheer with me?!

jakkujunkrat: ...you wouldn’t believe me if i told you. catch you later!

fn-1337: oh come on, you can’t do this to me

fn-1337: REYYYY

—

—

Season 8 premiere of Across the Stars

—

fn-1337

DID YOU SEE THAT? @starfleet-ace?!

#i’m fucking dying #this is the most amazing day of my life #well except for when poe agreed to go out with me #STILL #it’s great #ats season 8 #ats

starfleet-ace

yeah i saw it! best season premiere ever.

#love you finn

therealhux

I can’t believe we can agree on something.

#this is a novel experience #ats season 8 #if they keep this up the show might actually become worthwhile again

bee-bee-ate

The astromech droid is my favorite character.

#so relatable

mitakahere

Where the hell is Rey?! @jakkujunkrat

#come back our scavenger queen #we miss you

—

MYNAMEISBENSOLO INBOX

Anonymous

Did it really happen like this? Please you have to tell us!!

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

mynameisbensolo: are you seeing this?

jakkujunkrat: of course :)

jakkujunkrat: watching Yav is pretty weird now that i’ve met you

mynameisbensolo: still think i’m the better looking one now that you’ve seen me up close?

jakkujunkrat: you know i do. at least i really hope so after last night.

mynameisbensolo: are you doing okay? you seemed upset afterward

jakkujunkrat: i’m fine

mynameisbensolo: Rey. I think we’re a little past lying to each other at this point. What’s wrong?

mynameisbensolo: was I bad?

jakkujunkrat: no! no. please don’t think that. it was wonderful, Ben, really. you were wonderful.

mynameisbensolo: so were you. and i really hope it wasn’t the last time i see you. i’d like to come back. Or bring you to Hosnian Prime with me.

jakkujunkrat: I can’t. I can’t leave. That’s why I was upset. My family left me here, and I’m waiting for them to come back for me and I can’t leave. I want to but I can’t and I probably sound really stupid right now but I’ve been waiting all my life and I don’t want it to be for nothing.

mynameisbensolo: it’s all right. You don’t have to go anywhere you’re not ready to go, sweetheart.

mynameisbensolo: And I can wait. If that’s something you want.

jakkujunkrat: It’s not easy. Waiting.

mynameisbensolo: That’s okay. You’re worth it.

—

—

[tootlesthelostboy]

At the Club

@hope-robinson

[Hope]

Hope made it to the bar and handed her keys to her assistant to put away before seeing one of the customers harassing the bartender. She groaned softly as she moved over to him and grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back harshly, “I think she said to leave her alone.” She said before breaking his arm. “Oops. My bad.” Hope smirked before pushing the guy off the chair.

[Tootles]

Tootles had already been at the club, wanting to have a few drinks and a night to himself before getting the text from Zach. He sighed before watching Hope walk in and take care of the issue. 

[Hope]

Hope told them bartender to take a break so she could calm down before feeling the guy hands between her legs touching her thigh that was dripping in her and Zach’s cum. “Get your hands off of me.” She said before stepping on the guys face and smashing it. “Ugh I really like these shoes.” She groaned.

[Tootles]

Tootles was growing tired of the scene since he couldn’t really enjoy himself with all the commotion going on. Getting up he went over, “I am sure Zach can buy you some new ones. Did you want me to dispose of him? Things were rather nice until he came inside earlier tonight.” 

[Hope]

“Oh hi Tootles.” She smiled as she took off her shoes. “I can do it. I didn’t plan on killing him, so it’s only fair that I deal with it. I have to go change.” She told him before bending down to pick up the body.

[Tootles]

When she went to pick up the body, he noticed that she didn’t have any underwear on and he turned around but made sure no one else could see. “Um Hope, you might have forgotten a crucial article of clothing when you left your house.” He tells her before taking off his jacket to cover her up. 

[Hope]

“I didn’t think I would be doing this shit and my stupid hot husband doesn’t know how to keep things in one piece.” She said as she wrapped the jacket around her waist. “Thanks. I will buy you a new one.” She said as the blood from the body was covering her clothes.

[Tootles]

“Yeah don’t worry about it. I have like a million at home. I can take care of things here if you wanted to go back home to get cleaned up?” He offered up before shifting a bit. 

[Hope]

“No it’s okay, I’m here now so I will just stay until it closes and keep everything in order. You are here to party, so party.” She smiled before moving out of the club and outside to get rid of the body. 

[Tootles]

He went outside with her to help open up the dumpster for her to put the body inside. “Well, I think Zach might get too antsy if you don’t return home. He missed you a lot while he was gone.” 

[Hope]

She threw the body in the dumpster before texting Zach that she would be staying at the club until it closed to make sure nothing else happened. “I know, I missed him too, but he knows that sometimes my job and his take us away for some time. But I will be home before he falls asleep.”

[Tootles]

“What about your um situation...are you going to go the whole night without some type of...you know...underwear?” He asks.

[Hope] 

“Oh...right...well,” She said looking at her outfit. “Well I have your jacket, and I don’t plan on bending over again.” She shrugged. “I will be fine.”

[Tootles]

“Did you want me to use magic to give you a new outfit or something? Zach might have my head if you returned home covered in blood..” He tells her. “All you have to do is hold out your hands and imagine the outfit you want and I can snap my fingers and it will appear.” 

[Hope]

“Um…” She tried to think about what Zach would say if she went home in a different outfit. “Uh...okay…” She nodded as she held out her hands and thought of an outfit.

[Tootles]

Tootles snapped his fingers and she was presented with a new outfit. “I will tell Zach what happened so he doesn’t worry.” He tells her before pulling out his phone to tell Zach about what happened. 

[Hope]

“Okay, I’m going to go change. Thank you for the outfit.” She smiled before heading back into the club and going to her office.

[Tootles]

Tootles finished messaging Zach and then went back inside and ordered himself a drink. 

[Hope]

Hope finished changing and fixed her hair before coming back out. She smiled as she saw everything was going fine and headed over to the bar to order herself a drink.

[Tootles]

Tootles noticed that Hope had come out of her office before he couldn’t help but see one of the male dancers catching his attention. 

[Hope]

Hope took a shot before looking around the club and walking onto the dance floor. She figured she was going to be here for some time she might as well have fun.

[Tootles]

The male knew that he shouldn’t get distracted so easily but he couldn’t help it. He licked his lips after taking another sip of his drink before drawing himself out of his thoughts to check up on Hope. 

[Hope]

Hope danced in the crowd before feeling a girl’s arms wrap around her waist as she grinded against her.

[Tootles]

He noticed that Hope was having a fun time and just turned his attention back on the male dancer. There was something about him but of course he would never initiate anything. He had his job and he took that very seriously. 

[Hope]

Hope danced for a while before noticing people were starting to leave as the club was closing. She leaned against the wall as she took another shot and watched everyone.

[Tootles]

Tootles finished his drink before waiting around for everyone else to leave as well, seeming as Zach wanted him to make sure she got back home safely. “So...people actually left without much of an issue this time. That’s a surprise.” 

[Hope]

She laughed softly, “I think they saw me smash that guys face. Pretty sure they didn’t want to mess with me after that.” She said before setting her class down.

[Tootles]

“That is a very good point.” He tells her before noticing the dancers were leaving for the night. “So then...you hire everyone that works here right?” He asks as his eyes lingered on the person he was watching before. 

[Hope]

“Yep, but don’t tell Zach. I lied and said I put someone else in charge of hiring. But I make all the decisions here.” She said cleaning up. “Why?” 

[Tootles]

“I won’t tell him but um...who is...the one with the glitter and magic…” 

[Hope]

Hope turned her attention to who Tootles was talking about and just smiled, “Magnus.” She told him. “He is very popular. He hasn’t been working for a long time. I hired him while Zach was away.” 

[Tootles]

“Magnus...do you know if he is interested in...men?” He asks. 

[Hope]

“I would assume so, all of his customers are men so…” She shrugged. “You could always...ask.” She laughed.

[Tootles]

“What? Oh, uh...I am sure I am not his type. I have never really done anything with anyone as handsome as him.” He tells her. “But I am sure that I can’t let that distract me from my job either.” 

[Hope]

“Well how about this. He usually has a waiting list, but I will schedule you to be his first appointment tomorrow. That way you can meet him and it won’t be when you are working.” She said. “I need to grab my keys.” She told him before heading to her office.

[Tootles]

“I um…” He wanted to tell her that he was awkward around people he liked but she had already left for the office. “Oh boy…” 

[Hope]

She left Tootles and changed Mangus’ schedule around before grabbing her keys. She walked back out to see Tootles, “Okay you are his first appointment. Try not to be late, okay?” She said to him before gesturing to the door. “Gotta lock up.”

[Tootles]

“Wait appointment for what? I haven’t actually signed up for something like this before…” He tells her before stepping outside and waiting for her to lock up. 

[Hope]

“You saw him dancing, you know what he does.” She laughed softly as she locked the doors. “He’s a stripper. So obviously you will be getting a lap dance, or whatever he does in that private room. You need to loosen up Tootles. You have been in my club before so I just thought you knew.”

[Tootles]

“I have but I don’t really, you know...get out much. I have just been focused on my job for most of my life. I feel like I would be too awkward or say something wrong.” He tells her. 

[Hope]

“I am sure you will figure it out when he is standing half naked in front of you.” She laughed softly. “Just get one of the siren drinks before you go in. They sped up the effects so you will be loose when you go in.”

[Tootles]

“And how do you know I won’t try to jump his bones and absolutely embarrass myself?” He joked with a small laugh. 

[Hope]

“Hm…” She nodded before shrugging, “You wouldn’t be the first. I mean why do you think Zach doesn’t want me doing that. I’m not dumb, I see how much people ask for the private rooms. So if you happen to jump his bones and he doesn’t stop you, why would that be an issue?”

[Tootles]

“I don’t know if I am a one night stand kind of person...I would want to see him more but I don’t want to creep him out or anything.” He tells her as they continue to walk. 

[Hope]

Hope rolled her eyes, “Just enjoy yourself and stop putting so much pressure on this, it’s supposed to be fun. So have fun.” She laughed. “How you are friends with Zach and this anxious is so weird to me.”

[Tootles]

“I am not anxious about my job. I just am anxious about talking to attractive men.” He tells her. “I don’t think I have seen anyone that makes me feel that nervous before.” 

[Hope]

“Okay then it’s your job to go have fun tomorrow or you will be fired okay? Sounds good to me.” She smiled as they made it home. “Try not to get fired Tootles.” She said before opening the door and going inside and closing the door.