#it was revealed how much of a clusterfuck it was

[barnbridges]

being blocked by show iwtv fans is so hilarious to me. i post about that i love the books. get fucked lmao.

[tenisperfection]

I actually think a Tommy is Abby’s ex story line or reveal could have so much potential for growth for Buck and Tommy’s relationship, in addition to the comedic potential. Oh you broke my ex-girlfriend’s heart and she broke mine and I was so in love with her and now we’re dating and I’m not sure how I feel about that but I need a minute. Maybe this is amidst a clusterfuck of things all going wrong around them and it seems too much effort to keep holding on but neither can quite let go of the feeling that Abby might not have been the one but you could be.

[frozenjokes]

special greetings from the au guy (it’s me. i’m the au guy)

hello! You can call me Elsa or Frozen (she/her) (adult, 20s) I am a certified yapper and absolutely LOVE chatting about interests/art/my aus so if don’t be afraid to reach out and send an ask! I will talk soooooo much I love talking (all ao3 commenters know this very well by now lol)

I’m aromantic and the autism lives strong in me, and these are both things I write and talk about constantly! I am not ace. Do not call me aroace, as being aromantic but not asexual is an important part of my identity. (This happens far more often than you’d think)

Check out my current and finished projects! Ao3 Link

Boatem Ghosts AU Link: After Scar murders the crew of his pirate ship, he is haunted and cursed by each other their spirits, chronic pain mirroring the way that each member died. Mumbo struggles between the grief of Scar’s sudden betrayal and his failure to connect with the rest of his deceased crew, unable to relate in their shared desire for revenge.

Watcher Scar AU Link: Scar is a Watcher, a shepard of wolves as he struggles to navigate the world of Hermitcraft without hurting his friends or revealing his grave secret. But to put it bluntly, he and his pack are starving. There is not enough emotion to sustain himself here, and as a result, his body is withering away. He has no choice but to ask for Grian’s help in the creation of Third Life, but when Scar dies sooner than expected, vulnerable and unable to heal in his weakened state, his Watchers take things into their own hands, and Grian pays the ultimate price.

Martyn and Jimmy, unbeknownst to Scar, are Listeners, and they hear everything.

Mumbomaid AU Link: Originally a series of plot-light mermaid mumscarian slow burn oneshots, this has evolved into a much deeper clusterfuck about love. Love between friends, families, species. Aromantic love, unrequited love, relearning how to love someone or simply learning to love in the first place after no one bothered to teach you.

Cubscarian HotGuy AU Link: HotGuy falls head over heels for the most normal looking guy in town who probably couldn’t give less of a shit about superheroes in he tried.

[three--rings]

4 Minutes episode 8

Non-spoilery conclusion: this show was flawed but I did enjoy it and I want to see more from everyone involved, you know?

So we're in the reality where Tyme is a caring doctor?

And where he is a good boyfriend even when breaking up...

I'm sorry but doctor/patient to dating is super uncomfortable. Like I get this is the fuzzy version of events but IDK gives me the ick.

Akira! My favorite actor in the show!

Okay toxic yaoi threesome I guess.

Wait tell me they didn't go back to Tonkla house, right? Are you fuckers at home when there's a manhunt?

Well, yeah, okay that clusterfuck was always gonna end badly. And honestly? I fuck with that kind of tragic doomed love between flawed people.

Okay making merits for the guy who shot you? Did Great know about their relationship?

Ah yeah I figured the money exchange was a setup.

Okay, okay. So...ultimately, I think the show was a valiant attempt at doing something different and being a really twisty mystery, but it could have used a rewrite, and probably more episodes.

Like, I really think rushing through the resolution in this episode is a mistep because it skips over the actual resolution of Tyme and Great's relationship, the actual love confession and getting together. Like, that's the MONEY SHOT of the romance and we don't really get it. Like, sure we got to see their 4 minutes versions of their relationship, but they didn't, and we didn't get to see them reunite and work it out.

I get from a writing standpoint, that's a very hard thing to write, especially in a snappy manner, which is why the easy choice is to skip it, but you're denying the audience the emotional payoff. And also sorta denying the really messy version of their relationship they had by only presenting us with a sanitized honeymoon version at the end. Like what I really want is seeing that hard work of these two flawed and hurt people getting over it and accepting each other for REAL.

Yeah what I really want is the fanfic of this show I think.

Other big missteps are how confusing a lot of the out-of-order stuff was with the Tonkla plot, though I ultimately got that.

And most of all, the lack of real characterization of Great up until we get the real version of his story. He just felt flat and blank until then, and I get WHY and I don't know how to better resolve that while still getting the "oh shit it wasn't real" reveal. But like...IDK.

This show very much feels like an experiment that was worthy and had a lot of hard work put into it but didn't quite land.

I really think the actors all did great and the filming and everything was excellent, so I hope we continue to get good stuff from BOC. I also really like Bible and Jes individually and think they're both super talented, but I'm not entirely convinced by the chemistry... IDK.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Runner, Pt. 5

Ronon seems to have caught on to the fact that Sheppard has been trying to game him with his faux-earnest performance. He doesn't quite know what to make of them but he can tell that Sheppard is a dangerous man. But is he threat?

Dex: But why should I trust you? Sheppard: That's a good question. Teyla, why should he trust us? Teyla: We mean you no harm. We are only here searching for a friend.

Like we have seen him often do when Sheppard has been unable to talk about the utter clusterfuck that had led to the unleashing of the wraith, he turns to Teyla for help, to speak on his behalf. And while Ronon was clearly asking Sheppard personally, he chooses to interpret him as referring to the both of them as though Teyla had any part in what Sheppard had been trying to do here by manipulating this stranger to release them.

Sheppard's response here is very concerning. He can't come up with any reason to trust him because he doesn't think he should be trusted. In this episode, although both Sheppard and McKay pretend to be fine and normal, there are moments when the mask slips for both of them, revealing how miserable they are actually feeling underneath it all. Here, Sheppard makes this into a joke but the truth underneath is that he doesn't think anyone should trust him, ever. McKay certainly seemed to believe he had betrayed his trust, and maybe he had. Maybe he had made promises to him that he hadn't been able to keep when the chips were coming down. Lying came so naturally to him, he had been lying his entire life and much more than anyone else, Sheppard had been lying to himself.

It might be because Ronon is so bereft of human company (or because he's gathering intel about these strangers), but he continues talking to them. Notice how the moment Ronon confirms that Ford is on this planet, there's suddenly an edge to Sheppard's voice. He suddenly needs to get free with much more urgency than before. Before he confirmed this fact, Sheppard seemed to have all the time in the world.

Dex: I saw him. Your friend. Sheppard: Where? When? Dex: He killed the wraith that was hunting me. Sheppard: Hunting you?

And it's not just about Ford, or wanting to get to Ford, that makes him anxious. It's the fact that the last he heard, Lorne and McKay were chasing someone bearing down the opposite direction from them. So they had caught onto something, after all.

Again, a reference is made to friends. Here, Sheppard is given confirmation that Ford is, in fact, on the planet. But because Ford had apparently saved this man, Sheppard makes the assumption that the young soldier has to basically still be himself. He's hopped up on the enzyme but the kid was mostly confused. They could still bring him back.

Because Ronon himself has been hunted for so long, he wants to know if Ford is in a similar situation to himself, and whether he should help the guy out by leaving these two in the cave. This is why he pursues the topic:

Dex: Why are you looking for him? Teyla: His name is Aiden Ford and he is sick. He needs our help. Dex: Thought he'd been in the sun too long. It can make you sick here. Sheppard: We know that, and that may be true, but that's not all that's wrong with him.

Here, Sheppard acknowledges the fact that McKay had been right about the radiation on this planet. In fact, he says "We know that" with such conviction, like it's obvious to him that it is as McKay had said. For him, it was never a question of not believing him. He trusted McKay to be right about most things. He was keeping a running tally of things McKay had been right about. For him, it was partly that he was being contrarian just because bickering with McKay was the only way he knew how to get close to him in their current situation. Sure, the snide remarks hurt, both giving and receiving them, but not being in contact with McKay at all would have hurt more. He would take what ever he could get.

But the other, more concerning part, was that he just didn't care. When they were... involved, we saw Sheppard avoid taking risks and steer clear of reckless behaviour unless McKay's safety was at stake. He was in love, and in order to be there for his beloved, he took good care of himself; he watched out where he was going. Now, he lacks that incentive. He is so deeply unhappy that he doesn't really care what happens to him. Even here, talking with Ronon, he is being much more careless than he was in the past.

Dex: Then why is he running from you? Sheppard: Well, he's not, exactly. Dex: Then what is he doing, exactly? Sheppard: It's complicated. Dex: You can do better than that.

Here, Sheppard says that he doesn't think Ford is running away from them. That's what he wishes were true. Ford hadn't walked out on him, he was just addicted to the enzyme and had to go out to find more of it. If they only got to him, if he could only talk to him, everything would be alright. If he got Ford to come back with them maybe everything would go back to normal. And if everything went back to normal, maybe everything would be alright. It would prove that he didn't destroy everything he touched or came in contact with, that he could love someone without damning them, that there was enough good in him for someone to want to stand next to him. Maybe he and McKay would find their way back to each other. He had a lot riding on getting Ford to come back home.

Note the use of the phrase "it's complicated" here. This is an ironic way people sometimes describe their intimate relationships. Their relationship status is "it's complicated". While the business with Ford certainly is complicated, Sheppard's relationship with McKay is definitely also in the "it's complicated" stage.

It's so complicated, in fact, that outsiders like Lorne have no way of understanding what's going on between them. It's a mess. They're both lost in the deep dark woods unable to find their way back to each other (or, McKay is wading aimlessly in the woods unable to find his way back home where Sheppard has his hands tied, stuck inside the dark dank cave of his mind, metaphorically). Ronon tells Sheppard that he can do better, meaning that he's going to need more information about Ford. But at the same time, Sheppard definitely could do better with regards to McKay. While Ronon is the eponymous Runner of the episode, we do see both Sheppard and McKay run. They are both trying to outrun their own feelings. And so far, it's still working.

Sheppard decides to tell Ronon the truth about Ford since it seems like Ronon isn't really that curious about the young soldier, he's only trying to figure out why he's being hunted by them. Possibly because he has been hunted himself for such a long time, he has some solidarity for anyone else on the lam. And from what Sheppard tells him, it seems like this Ford person is also a victim to the wraith. At the same time, they do both seem sincere about being worried for their friend. Still, he's not quite ready to take their word for it and let them go.

Sheppard's radio goes off with static probably from Lorne attempting to contact him, and as Sheppard explains to Ronon what the things are and that the cave is probably causing some interference, the man steps to take the radios outside. Left to their own devices, this gives Sheppard and Teyla an opportunity to try and escape, and Teyla seizes the moment. Sheppard, however, seems to think she's doing something else entirely.

Sheppard: What the hell are you doing?! Teyla: Getting my hand free. Sheppard: Doesn't feel that way!

This scene is again played for comedy. Sheppard feels like Teyla is grabbing his ass while she's trying to wiggle out of the ropes, hilarious. Sheppard himself makes it into a joke. Only, there are a few things going on here. First, Sheppard's tone when he asks what the hell she's doing is pretty ill-tempered. His reaction to her hand on his ass is to quickly lash out at her. Now, again your average Joe Viewer is going to take this as thinly veiled homophobia. Dude doesn't like his ass touched. "Exit only," amirite? Only, what we actually witness here is that he does not like his ass touched by a woman, or a friend, or in this context. His response to Teyla, that it didn't feel that way, tells us that he has, in fact, felt this before. This feeling is familiar to him. He knows what someone grabbing his ass with purpose feels like. At the end here, his mind seems to wonder to other times his has been touched in a similar way and he really doesn't seem to mind, that. The way he goes slack is actually somewhat concerning, and I'll circle back to this toward the end of the season. There's something about the advances from women and Sheppard seeming to think his consent doesn't factor into it that starts forming a pattern.

Now, of course it could be that he's had his ass grabbed by women in particular, in the past. In fact, in his youth he probably did (and there may be an actual reason why he would react to a woman grabbing his ass out of the blue with as much and as immediate hostility as he seems to, here; he seems triggered). But it is interesting that his male body is sexualized here in that male gaze way, like Marty Mcfly in Back to the Future. He is objectified. We are invited to look on at his reaction as someone grabs his ass, and we are lead to believe it is not the first time this has happened to him. That he is familiar with this feeling, that he might enjoy it in some other context. In the same episode in which we learned that McKay knows how to make his own lube. It's interesting, very very curious. Like maybe there is a connection here.

So while this is taking place in the cave, Sheppard's "it's complicated" is wading through the forest in a rubber suit looking for him, and Lorne seems to be growing both increasingly impatient and increasingly hostile toward McKay.

McKay: It's so hot! Lorne: Oh, come on. Step it up, McKay, wouldya? McKay: I am moving as fast as I can. I'm very hot. Aren't you hot? Lorne: Actually, I'm quite comfortable, but I'm not wearing a fifty pound rubber suit, am I? McKay: I can't breathe! I've got to stop! ...Sweet relief! I think the, the fumes from the sunblock are making me dizzy. I gotta... I gotta... just rest here. Lorne: Unbelievable!

He's not even bothering to hide his disdain and it's only due to McKay's limited people skills that he hasn't caught up with it yet. And when we contrast Lorne with Sheppard, he never treated McKay like this. Even now, when they are both making digs at each other, it is very differently motivated.

For Sheppard, it has never been because he doesn't like McKay. McKay is his favourite person. Sheppard had once ambled two miles in a rubber suit to kill a man just because McKay needed this man stopped. Lorne thinks that he's on baby-sitting duty and the big baby is slowing him down. He sees McKay as a pencil-pusher that shouldn't be anywhere near the field, and fails to understand that this--complaining about how he's physically uncomfortable--is a trauma response. It's somatization, focusing disproportionately on physical ailments instead of the emotional impact of the traumatic event. Instead of thinking about Sheppard and what might have happened to him and how long they've been out of contact with him, McKay focuses on the fact that he can't breathe, he feels dizzy. McKay is displaying very obvious signs of dissociation here.

Fact is, McKay wants to find Sheppard much more than Lorne does. He cares about Sheppard in ways that Lorne could never, that Lorne could never even begin to understand. For Lorne, it's his new CO that is missing. For McKay, it's the most important person in his life bar none, regardless of how we interpret their relationship. And McKay can't deal with not knowing what has happened to him. He just can't deal with this.

Continued in Pt. 6

[nutzgunray-lvt]

The Clusterfuck That Was the UA Press Conference

The press conference held in the aftermath of the Forest Training Camp Attack was promising, namely because UA was receiving valid criticism from the media in regards to how many kids were put in danger. Bakugou's behavior was also being criticized (for once, what a miracle), and the heroes were acknowledging how they'd become complacent in the era of relative peace that were living through.

But like almost everything else in this series, the execution left a lot to be desired in my opinion.

The media and public are painted as the bad guys for having legitimate grievances against UA's management and actions, and UA and the faculty are painted as being wrongly persecuted just because.

WARNING: anti Bakugou and anti Aizawa content incoming. Don't like, don't read.

1. Why was the media criticizing Aizawa for ALLOWING the kids to fight?

If anything, they should have been criticizing him and the teachers for NOT allowing them to fight until well over halfway into the attack (they could have found out from some of the students there). At that point in time, it was pretty obvious that the students were the targets of the attack, so why in the FUCK would you not allow them to defend themselves? Had Izuku not intervened with Muscular, he and Kota - a FIVE YEAR OLD - would have DIED. If those kids didn't fight back, THEY would have died (which is another complaint of mine - this would have been the perfect way to raise the stakes of the story and address the character bloat it suffers from).

2. How exactly did UA explain all of this to the parents of the students? And what exactly are these "safety measures" that the school brought up?

You can't possibly make me believe that parents weren't withdrawing their kids from UA after this (it's also one of my complaints about the dorm system), first year or not. In addition, the issue is that these attacks are happening OFF SCHOOL GROUNDS. How the fuck is increasing patrols around campus going to help? It should have been brought up that the LoV used the Sports Festival to plan out their attack, since UA did receive criticism for holding it so soon after the USJ attack to save face against the villains. I also love how they said none of the students appeared to be traumatized by the attack (we also don't see this supposed counseling that was offered to them), as if trauma responses don't vary.

3A. As is the case for the story as a whole, Bakugou's behavior is completely side stepped over.

I do like how the reporter brought up the fact that the League saw Bakugou's behavior as an indicator that he'd be the perfect villain. He brings up his attitude at the Sports Festival (something fucking NEDZU brought up earlier), and criticizes Aizawa for not reining him in. But then we get the famous Aizawa sermon about how "no guys, Bakugou's like this because he works so much harder than anyone else to be the Number 1 Hero!!!" The reporter does call bs and say that he asked for measures to control his behavior and not his own personal feelings on the matter, but so much fucking more could have been done. Bakugou's bullying in middle school could have been revealed (they could have interviewed his ex friends), as could his less than desirable behavior during his internship with Best Jeanist (since he was out in public). This could have brought heat onto Aldera as well for not doing anything to curb his behavior.

3B. Aizawa's clear bias towards Bakugou and his failings as a teacher are unaddressed.

So what, he believes that the rest of 1A doesn't work as hard as Bakugou apparently does, and isn't afraid to say so on live TV? The reporter could have called out Aizawa for this, especially in how he said the Pro-Heroes who criticized his attitude towards Uraraka should RETIRE and stop being heroes. For that matter, word could have gotten out about his abnormally high expulsion record and how it ruined the lives of so many ex students of his. For that matter, the class that Aizawa expelled and re-enrolled could have gone on record saying that they know their careers are effectively ruined, seeing as how the expulsion is staying on their permanent records. The reporter could have asked why he's staking so much on a student who is obviously a red-flag when he's expelled students for much less in the past.

4. Nedzu letting all of this happen unchecked wasn't addressed.

I like Nedzu. I think he's an interesting character, but for a supposed genius, he makes a LOT of stupid decisions. Why in the WORLD would he let Aizawa have the final say in expelling whoever he wants based on "potential" and "giving them a taste of death"? How has this not created any sort of villains or vigilantes? How has this not resulted in public blowback against UA from other hero schools poaching these expelled students?

[undercity-princess]

Jinx X Ekko X Lux X Ezreal

Since no one asked, here's how our favourite idiots ended up in a polycule (kinda chronological):

Jinx and Ekko

After episode 9 Jinx ended up being Jinx, but also more Powder than in the last 7 years. When Ekko found her like this he couldn't turn her in and helped her hide instead. Constant check ins with her brought them close.

He tried to hide the relationship, but Jinx wrote it across the sky in fireworks once he said ' I love you'

She is allowed in the sanctuary, but only after getting searched and being accompanied at all times.

(Zeri lives in the sanctuary too. When she once had to search Jinx she said 'i'd search ya boobs if there were any! Girl, you couldn't hide a pimple if you wanted' then turned to Ekko 'go take your flatbread to the kitchen!' They are still friends)

Ekko and Ezreal

Ezreal was about to sell some artifact in Zaun but tried to bargain with the wrong people. Ekko swooped in and saved his ass.

That cheery twink grew on him fast.

Ez has a thing for saviours, and this one is also smoking hot in his books.

Telling Jinx was a shitshow level clusterfuck. Her loved ones getting it on with pilties doesn't sit right with her.

Jinx and Ezreal

Gods, they hated each other. The stuck up piltie prince and the unhinged zaunite terrorist.

Ekko tried to leave them (two horny angry idiots) alone while he was on duty to get them to get along, at least a little.

Bonded by hate fucking.

One day they had to kill time to Ekko's return and had to talk. Ez had a bad day and dumped all his self doubt and hatred on her. Jinx opened up too.

Oh no, feelings!

They shat themselves out of fear to tell Ekko. Jinx grew a pair and told him, Ez was trying to hide behind her the whole time.

He already knew because they both are stupid.

Ezreal and Lux

Lux was sent to Piltover to marry. Not for happiness, but for political benefit. The groom happened to be Ezreal, who completely forgot and was in Shurima when she arrived.

She stayed because now finally she could learn about her magic.

When he came back, she wanted to hate him, but couldn't. He told her so much about magic and runeterra that he fully captivated her.

Ez didn't plan to fall in love. For him this was all political games of his uncle which didn't concern him. But Lux was so pretty and appreciative. She gave him the feeling to be seen, as a human, not the things he achieved.

Eventually, he had to tell her about Ekko and Jinx. She was hurt at first that he hadn't told her sooner, but once he told her about how he feared to lose her, she gave in. She really wanted to meet them.

Lux and Jinx

Ez took Lux to the undercity to meet Ekko and Jinx.

At first Lux was afraid of Jinx, but also intrigued. She was everything Lux was not: loud, free, bold.

Jinx thought that Ezreal found himself a rich stuck up princess. Old story, new characters. But something about her got her. She tried to find out what.

When Lux reveals herself as mage, Jinx found out. She was completely captivated and encouraged Lux to try out her magic.

Lux fell for the support and the enthusiasm.

Jinx built her her first focus and let her train in her mine vent, always cheering for her.

They end up on that ratty sofa in the heat of the moment. The boys walk in on them. This is the first time they ever had a healthy discussion about their relationship(s).

Lux and Ekko

They first agreed on being friendly metas.

The more time they spent with each other (yes no, not Jinx's and Ezreal's doing), the more they grew close.

On movie night, Lux nodded off in Ekko's arm. When she woke up they looked at each other and immediately called a change of rules.

Ez was ecstatic, Jinx just shrugged and said 'might as well at this point' (to her defence, she was also about to fall asleep bundled up between Ekko and Ez)

[mytwotragicgaymen]

Magic reveal playlist

Ok bois strap in this might be a long one. First off this post is inspired by this work on ao3 by @heyitskai2 (thank you so much for this btw). I don't know about yall but I sometimes like to make playlists of scenarios (where are my maladaptive daydreamers at) and this time I decided to make a somewhat specific one: Merlin's magic reveal to Arthur, specifically the one described in the work I mentioned just now.

For those of you who are too lazy to check it out (which you definitely should it's really good and quite short) the gist is that instead of Arthur catching Gwen cheating on him with Lancelot, its Arthur discovering that Merlin has magic (with the implication of an already existing romantic relationship or feelings), which is followed up by Merlin's banishment from Camelot.

Now, few things to get out of the way before we begin:

The lyrics might not match completely in some of the songs. That's fine, we are working with a very specific scenario after all.

The playlist is short, just 8 songs and all have reoccurring artists. We're going based on vibes, not variety.

Speaking of variety, the genre of this playlist is a clusterfuck of whatever I want it to be.

This playlist is more from Arthurs perspective though some songs can be applicable to Merlin.

Link to Spotify playlist is here.

That being said let's move on to the playlist:

Decode by Paramore - this is the song that @heyitskai2 talks about in their work. The big, booming reveal that is angry, emotional, and full of angst. Arthur is upset. Merlin is upset. No one is happy. Everyone is angry and sad and miserable.

Black Out Days by Phantogram - Arthur, in a flash of fury, decides to banish Merlin from Camelot. Consumed by rage he cannot think of anything else other than Merlin and at the same time, he tries to fight away any and all thoughts of Merlin.

The Day You Died by Phantogram - Arthur fights with the conflicting feelings of banishing Merlin. Kind of in a limbo of emotional turmoil, flip-flopping from feeling anger and resentment, and also trying to convince himself that he is "fine" and that Merlin is "just a traitor".

All I Wanted by Paramore: kind of applicable to both Arthur and Merlin. As they dwell on about their choices and ways they could've avoided this happening. Truly letting their feelings settle in, and understanding what is going on aside from just anger.

The Night We Met by Lord Huron - the big sad settles in. Both start missing each other and reminiscing about their life before everything collapsed. Realizing just how much they love and need each other.

Abstract (Psychopomp) by Hozier - This is basically Arthur coming to terms with the fact that even though Merlin lied to him, he understands why, and how he is also at fault (what with the magic being illegal in Camelot). Despite Merlin breaking Arthurs trust, he finds that he can't not love Merlin. And truly, even after this, Arthur still finds that he trusts Merlin wholeheartedly.

Meet Me in the Woods by Lord Huron - the more Arthur thinks about magic, the more he understands, not only Merlin, but also all the magic users. Realizing the error of his fathers ways. This incident has changed him forever and he now works on changing things in Camelot for the better. He misses Merlin horribly, but is uncertain of how Merlin feels towards him. Perhaps he is angry and disappointed in Arthur? Arthur decides to send Merlin a letter announcing that his banishment has been revoked and that he is welcome back to Camelot, if he wishes to return.

I, Carrion (Icarian) by Hozier - It's been a while, and there is no answer from Merlin. Arthur is overcome by bittersweet emotions. On one hand, he's happy for him. Thinking about how Merlin is probably in a better, safer place. On the other hand, he can't help but wish to be Merlin's safe place. And so, he tries to do for the people of Camelot what he could not do for Merlin: making Camelot a better and safer place by legalizing magic. And on a nice, sunny day, while Arthur is out, riding his horse in the woods, in the distance, he sees a figure approaching. Merlin.

[amberlynnmurdock]

Blind Faith (Ch. 9)

Chapter 9: In Good Faith

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: You feel deeply for Mike, but you need something to hold on to.

No warnings, other than a makeout sesh at the end, jealous!Matt, fluff, and a dash of angst.

Tags: @starry-night-20 @sumsytee @queerqueenlynn @mattmurdocksstarlight @marvelcinematiquniverse

Read on Ao3

Office of Nelson & Murdock

10 AM 

Matt’s office felt stuffy today, much like his mind. Only a few nights ago, you had shown Matt your heart on the rooftop, confessing your deeper feelings for him—well, Mike. Matt had been struggling with it ever since; the reality that you could have deeper feelings. Of course. This was bound to happen. But what scared Matt the most, and what seemed to be a trigger for him to stop getting closer to someone, was that he was certain he felt the same way toward you. 

There was a reason why he never stopped visiting you, there was a reason why he continued to come to you with his mask. The reasons were quite simple: he loved the way you spoke, the way you commanded his attention with just a single touch, and how you were completely yourself with him when it was just the two of you on your roof. But something was slowly killing him inside: the very fact that he was still pretending around you—lying to you. What was he to do now? If he confessed his feelings to you on the roof tonight, you'd be sure to ask why you still didn’t know his true identity. What would he say? In the past, he’s told you it’s because of his enemies, but he hardly had any of them anymore, save for the average criminals in the city… it was a tired excuse, he knew that. He could reveal himself to you, but then there’s the question of how you’d react. Would you be mad? Or worse, would you leave? 

Matt rubbed his temples and closed his eyes behind his dark red glasses. There was a lot going on at the office recently, but nothing the four of you couldn’t handle. The firm was going strong, and Matt hardly came home with a scratch anymore, but somehow things still felt like a clusterfuck by his doing. 

He tried to focus on the case he had in front of him. Running his fingers over the braille, Matt began to concentrate, but his concentration was soon broken by the sound of your voice through his office walls. 

“Thank you for calling Nelson and Murdock, how may I help you?” he heard you say into the phone. God, it was difficult to work knowing you were just a few feet away. He could almost feel your body pressed against his, sharing a kiss. Matt paused on the braille he was reading to control his own breathing. Each breath took the memory from his mind. 

“You look like you need a drink,” Matt was so deep in his thoughts of you that he hadn’t heard Foggy walk into his office. Foggy chuckled as he walked over to Matt’s desk and closed his laptop for him. “What’s goin’ on, man?” 

“Hmm?” Matt questioned with a hum. “Oh, nothing. Just a lot of work.” 

“Didn’t really look like you were getting much done,” Foggy teased. “Seriously dude,” he continued in a lower voice, “is everything all right with… you know…” 

“What?” Matt asked in a panic, thinking he meant you, somehow. When realization dawned on him, Matt apologized. “Oh. No, everything’s fine. Not much out there without Fisk,” Matt shifted in his seat uncomfortably. 

“Well, I wasn’t kidding about the drink. Josie’s tonight? I’ll gather the troops. And by troops, I mean Karen, Marci, and __,” Foggy said. Matt inhaled as he leaned on his desk. 

“Why not?” Matt shrugged, “I could use a drink.” 

“Ha! Yes!” Foggy cheered, “T-minus two hours until closing time.” 

Suddenly, Matt sensed another person enter his office. By the sweet smell of marshmallows and the delicate hold on the door, Matt knew it was you. 

“Hey!” Foggy greeted you before you could speak. “Josie’s tonight?” 

“I thought you’d never ask,” you said in a light voice. “It’s been a few weeks since we’ve gone, hasn’t it?” 

“Exactly why I’m suggesting it,” Foggy got up from his seat. “__. Doesn’t Matt look like he needs a drink?” 

You laughed; Matt detected a hint of nervousness in your voice. “I think he does,” you agreed. “I do too, honestly.” 

“Well, that’s one out of three ladies joining us!” 

“Three?” You questioned. 

“Oh, I forgot. You haven’t met Marci yet!” Foggy exclaimed, “she’s my girlfriend. She’s also an attorney. You’ll love her.” 

“I can’t wait to meet her then,” you told Foggy. 

“Well, until we go, I’ve got to finish this brief for the hearing I’ve got on Monday. Adios!” Foggy saluted as he left Matt’s office. Matt noticed you were still in his office. 

“__,” he said your name carefully, “was there something you needed?” 

“Oh, yes,” you stuttered, “I was wondering if you wanted me to get a head start on the cases we got today, you know, translate hem to braille for you?” 

Matt’s heart always felt overwhelmingly warm whenever you inquired about helping him with translating documents to braille. You really didn’t need to, he had his Orbit reader, but he appreciated the extra effort in wanting to help him. But just because you didn’t need to didn’t mean he didn’t want you to. And his next words may be selfish, but it didn't stop him from saying them. 

“Actually, if you weren’t busy, would you mind reading to me what we got in?” Matt asked. 

He couldn’t see it, but he knew you smiled, by the way your heart skipped a beat. It happened whenever he said something along the lines of keeping you safe, during your nightly rooftop sessions. It made him feel good he had that same effect on you at work, despite the circumstances. Except, it was more innocent here than it was there. 

“Of course,” you replied. 

Matt listened as you gathered your notebook, the one he gifted you, and a pen. You softly shut the door behind you, a gesture you didn’t know meant so much to Matt. 

As you began to read off the list of cases you received today, Matt closed his eyes behind his dark red glasses, and let your voice make the two hours the both of you had left pass quickly. 

⠋⠁⠊⠞⠓ 

You waited outside the building of the firm with Karen. She looked beautiful, in a black dress, and her blonde hair was pushed to one side. Her bright eyes beamed when she shared a smile with you. 

“I’m sure tonight will be a late night,” Karen predicted, “if anything, we’ll call a taxi home for you again.” 

“I appreciate that,” you smiled. “I’m looking forward to meeting Foggy’s girlfriend. I didn’t know he had one!” 

Karen laughed, “When I first met her, I did not like her. And at the time, Foggy didn’t either. But over time, we found that she was good people. She’s one of my closest friends now,” Karen explained. “I’m sure she’ll tell you their full history tonight.”

“You guys all seem to have a lot of history,” you nodded. A fleeting thought crossed your mind—did Matt have a girlfriend? Not that it mattered, or you cared… you were just curious. “Does… Matt have a girlfriend?” 

It was the way Karen laughed that made you think something happened between the two of them, but you didn’t ponder on it any longer. She shrugged. 

“I don’t think he does. I’m not sure he ever really has,” Karen answered. 

You hummed in response. Suddenly, Foggy and Matt came outside the door. Matt had his cane out in front of him, feeling for the bottom step. 

“Onward and out!” Foggy shouted. 

On the way to Josie’s, it started with the four of your walking in tandem, but after a little bit, Foggy and Karen walked ahead, deep in conversation about Foggy’s brother’s deli shop, leaving you and Matt walking behind. You casually offered Matt your elbow for him to hold onto as his cane guided him forward. He grinned and lightly held on. 

“Are you originally from New York?” You asked him. 

Matt raised his eyebrows like he was surprised you’d start a conversation.

“Born and raised in Hell’s Kitchen. You?” 

“Brooklyn," you answered, “but I’ve always wanted to live in Manhattan.” 

“Hmm,” Matt replied. “And you’ve only lived in the city as long as you’ve been at NYU?” 

“Basically,” you nodded. “I love it here.”

“Can’t take New York out of the girl, I suppose?” 

“Something like that,” you smiled. “I’m sure the same goes for you, since you were born here. Where did you grow up, go to school?” 

Matt made a face like it wasn’t an easy question to answer. 

“After my dad died, I grew up at St. Agnes Orphanage. I did all my schooling there as well.” 

“Isn’t that… a Catholic Church? Yeah, I think I’ve passed by it before. Are you Catholic?” You asked. You couldn’t help but think of Mike. 

“Yes,” Matt answered quietly. “I am. My grandmother is the reason for that.” 

“Aren’t all grandmas?” You laughed a little. 

“Right,” Matt smiled in return. 

“Is it strange to still live in the city you grew up in? I mean Hell’s Kitchen. For me, I wanted to get the hell out of my town.” 

Matt was quiet for a moment. When you looked at him, you could see just behind his glasses. His gaze fell somewhere in front of him. You were so close you could see his eyelashes behind his dark red glasses. You’d forgotten you asked a question when he suddenly spoke again. 

“It’s strange,” Matt replied, “especially when you’ve seen this city at its best, and at its worst,” he finished. “Well, not see in my case, but you get what I mean,” Matt added with a sheepish smile. 

“I get it,” you stated, “you must really care about it to still be here after all this time.” 

“You could say that,” Matt said, “that’s why I wanted to practice law here.” 

“I love that,” you found yourself saying, not thinking twice about your word choice. But Matt didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. 

In the distance, you could see the red neon lights that read JOSIE’S in the dingy window. Part of you was excited, but the other part felt disappointed you and Matt wouldn’t have a one-on-one conversation for the rest of the night. You enjoyed speaking with him alone. You felt like you could ask him anything without hesitation, unlike if anyone else was around. It was hard to deny the bond you felt with Matt versus with the others. 

“Looks like we’re here,” and you wished you didn’t sound as disappointed as you felt. 

“Why don’t you save me a seat while I grab drinks with Foggy?” Matt offered. He started to undo his cane. You took it gladly. 

“Okay,” you smiled as you walked away with Karen. Karen found a table that was closer to the bar, but away from the wall. There were five seats around it. You placed Matt’s cane in the seat next to yours. After taking your blazer off, you scrolled through your phone and responded to one of Emily’s texts. 

EMILY: Wya? Free night tonight, or studying?

YOU: Actually, grabbing drinks with the bosses. Can’t hang. 

EMILY: Wow. Really want that raise, huh?

With a laugh, you click your phone to lock it. In your purse, you feel the emergency phone Mike had given you. You thought it was a blessing you haven’t needed to use it yet. Mike. You hoped to see him tonight. 

“Hello, hello!” A bubbly voice came from behind you. Karen raised her hand in a greeting motion and stood from her chair. Around the table came another blonde, this time bleached, with a bright white smile and sharp eyes. 

“Marci! How are you?” Karen asked, giving her a hug. Marci squeezed her in return, and then her gaze fell on you. You suddenly felt conscious of everything on your body, from your top to your shoes. You fought an urge to fix your hair. 

“And who might this young warrior be?” Marci asked with a warm smile. 

“I’m __. The new legal assistant at the firm,” you introduced yourself and held out your hand. Marci shook it graciously and smiled. 

“I've heard a lot about you from Foggy-bear,” Marci said, and you suppressed a giggle at the nickname. This woman was gorgeous. “If you’re as good as he says, let me know if you ever want to switch teams and work at HC&B,” she winked. 

You cocked your head at the acronym. “Hogarth, Chao & Benowitz? You work there?” You asked incredulously. When you first applied for jobs, HC&B was at the top of your list. That was the law firm to work at. 

“Uh oh,” came from Foggy who carried a tray of drinks. “Marci, you can’t recruit her. She’s ours! She can’t leave us! She’s too good!” Despite HC&B being a dream, you loved how much Foggy loved you at the firm. You wouldn’t leave them in the dust like that. 

“You’re leaving us?” Matt smiled, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “We’d be lost without you.” He felt for his cane on the seat and placed it in his blazer pocket, which was now draped on the back of his seat. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you laughed, “I promise. But hey, it’s good to make connections.” 

“Indeed it is,” Marci agreed. “Seriously babe, I’ll give you my card. It’s always good to have something lined up in the future.” 

You all took a seat as Karen started passing the shots and drinks around. A martini with no olives was placed in front of you—exactly what you wanted, and you hadn’t even told anyone. 

“I thought you’d want that again,” Matt leaned in to speak lowly. You looked at him and nodded. 

“Yes, I did,” you smiled. 

“You're a regular at Josie’s already,” he laughed. 

“Happy to be a regular,” you said. 

“Alright everyone, grab your shots,” Karen announced, “to another successful work week!” 

You didn’t hesitate to take your shot, and you were surprised to taste whiskey instead of tequila. You swallowed it down, not smoothly. You coughed and grimaced at the shot glass.

  “Whiskey?” You frowned, “what on God’s green earth made you guys choose whiskey?” 

“Well, we did say tequila,” Foggy laughed. “Next round!”

Instead of joining in any pool games, the conversation stayed at the table, to your delight. Marci was talking about stories from college—she too went to Columbia—stories of meeting Foggy and partying, studying for school, landing her first big job at Landman & Zack. 

“Landman & Zack?” You questioned. “I think I also applied to work there as well.” 

“Well, it's a good thing you didn’t,” Marci raised her brows as she sipped her martini. “Unfortunately, the place is run by money-hungry, corrupt people.” 

“Wow," you breathed out, “I’m lucky I ended up at Nelson & Murdock.” 

“You sure are,” Marci smiled, “And I hear they’re lucky to have you as well.”

“Oh,” you blushed, “you guys are being way too nice to me!” 

“It’s true,” Matt added, clinking his beer bottle to your empty martini glass. “We are lucky.” 

“Let me get this next round,” you offered, “as a token of my gratitude.”

“Oh, just put it on Foggy’s tab,” Marci laughed, “but I’m ready for another round. Anyone else?” 

Everyone nodded and you took it as your cue to make your way to the bar. It was about time you met Josie. 

The bar was crowded, but nothing you weren’t used to. You understood bar etiquette quite well. There were two gruff-looking men in leather jackets, laughing on their stools. To the right of them were two women who matched their age in the same jackets. On the other side were more people in the same age group, laughing over pints of beer and stale french fries. In the middle were two men, around your age. You squeezed past one of them to make yourself known at the bar. 

“Excuse me,” you said politely. 

The young man who stood next to you moved so you could squeeze in more. “No worries,” he said. He flashed you a smile and in the dim lighting of the bar, you saw that he was quite attractive. Dark brown hair, big brown eyes. Charming smile, a boyish look. You grinned quickly and waited patiently until Josie came around to you. 

“Hi Josie,” you greeted the sour-looking woman, “under Foggy’s tab, the same round of drinks please.” She nodded in understanding and said it would be five minutes. You tapped the sticky wooden bar with your fingers as you waited, pretending to be interested in the baseball game on the TV, ignoring the young man’s gaze in your direction. 

“I’m Logan,” he said.

You looked at him and smiled. You told him your name.

  “You’re here with that crew over there?” Logan asked, gesturing to your table with his beer bottle. 

You nodded. “Yup. Out with the bosses. You?’

“With my buddy, Eric. You’re beautiful, by the way.” 

You blushed, “thank you.” You were used to being hit on, but for some reason, with Mike in the back of your mind, you wanted to avoid conversations like this at all costs. Your heart was taken already. You didn’t have room for anyone else. 

“Do you mind if I take your number? I’d love to take you out,” Logan asked in a genuine way. You smiled at him. 

“I’m actually seeing someone already,” you explained, “but I’m flattered.”

“No worries,” he raised his hands in defeat, “I hope you have a good night.” 

Josie came by again with the same drinks and shots as before. You grabbed the tray and gave her a smile before returning to your group. Marci and Karen had mischievous smiles on their faces. You set the tray down and rejoined them. 

“What’s so funny?” You asked. 

⠋⠁⠊⠞⠓

“What’s so funny?” You asked. 

Matt’s hand was gripping his beer bottle so hard, he thought it might shatter. To hide his hard expression, he took a sip from his beer and swallowed hard. 

“Was that guy hitting on you?!” Marci giggled. Karen sipped her beer as she too waited for an answer. The way you shifted in your seat told Matt everything he needed to know: you were uncomfortable with this attention. 

“Was it that obvious?” You asked with a sigh. “He was nice, but I’m already seeing someone.” 

“You are?” Karen asked. “You should invite him out to Josie’s!” 

Now, it was Matt’s turn to shift uncomfortably in his seat. Still, he managed to keep a blank expression as he listened to what you were going to say. 

“He’s uh,” you stuttered, “he works a night shift?” Your statement came out sounding more like a question. Matt rubbed his temples. He knew you were a terrible liar, but at least the rest of them didn’t seem phased. 

“Really? What does he do?” Foggy asked. 

“He… works the night shift at a hospital. He’s security there.” Your heart was hammering in your chest, hammering in Matt’s ears. He wanted to place his hand on yours to calm you down, but it took every bit of strength in him to fight the urge. This is my fault. I’m making you lie. 

“Cool!” Karen exclaimed. “Well, next time he’s off, definitely have him come out. You know, he’s got to have our seal of approval.” Marci and Foggy agreed while Matt stayed silent. Despite the torture of listening to you lie against your will, Matt couldn’t help but feel… good that you were loyal to him—Mike. 

But at the same time, it felt so wrong. 

“I actually think I’m going to step outside for a second,” You said. “It’s a little hot.” 

Marci, Karen, and Foggy thought nothing of your statement, but Matt knew better. He listened as you stood up and walked outside, not before asking Josie for a glass of water. After a few minutes, and a side comment he offered to Foggy to not raise suspicions, Matt too walked outside to join you. He tapped his cane in front of him rather hurriedly as he pushed the front door of Josie’s open, the bells ringing in his ears. 

When he stepped outside, he paused to listen for you. By your heartbeat, he heard you standing against the brick wall of Josie’s, head against the wall, eyes closed. By the faint salt in the air, Matt confirmed you were crying. 

“__?” He called your name softly, “Is that you?” 

“Oh, hey Matt,” you covered your sadness as best you could. Matt felt his heart rip in half. He just realized he’s never heard you cry, not even as Mike. Karen was the one who witnessed you upset a few weeks ago after he yelled at you, and now he’s really glad it wasn’t him. Because he really can’t stand it. It hurts him as much as it hurts you. 

“What’s wrong?” Matt tapped his cane until he was standing right beside you. There wasn’t any use in asking if you were okay. Matt knew you weren’t. And he knew it was because of him. 

“I don’t know,” you sighed, “it's hard to explain.” 

Matt took a deep breath. “Try me.” 

“I can talk to you like you’re not my boss right now?” You asked.

Matt forced a smile. “You can talk to me however you’d like.” 

“And you won’t repeat it?” 

“You’re safe with me.” 

“Have you ever just felt silly for covering for someone else, without knowing if they’d do the same for you?” 

Matt took a step closer. He sighed deeply. What a heavy question to ask someone like him. 

He needs to do a better job, as Mike, to make sure you never doubt his feelings for you again. 

“Yes,” he said, “we’ve all been there.” 

“Oh, great,” you answered sarcastically, “well if you’ve all been there, then I guess there’s nothing I can do to stop me from playing this role.” 

“There’s no role you need to play,” Matt’s mouth tasted bitter as he spoke. “Whoever you’re with, I don’t think he’d want you to think he wouldn’t do the same.” 

“How can I know? All I get are cryptic responses, and yet he keeps coming back to me, for whatever reason. I feel like a toy he gets to play with. He can drop me whenever he wants.” 

Your words hammered down on Matt hard. This was how he made you feel? He wanted you to feel the opposite like you were the only girl for him. Because you were. He wanted you to feel safe when you thought of him, not feel this pain and doubt. Tonight, he knew he’d have to make you understand that you are more to him than just a secret meeting. 

But he has to do it without revealing his identity. 

“I don’t believe that’s true,” Matt spoke honestly. “You’re a smart girl. You’re kind. We all… we all l—really like you. Whoever this is would be an idiot to take you for granted. Maybe he has a good reason to be cryptic. You said he works the night shift, right? He must be tired all the time. Busy protecting people at that hospital. But he makes time for you at night. That’s got to mean something, __,” Matt tried to convince you as best he can. By the sound of your heart and the lack of salt in the air, it was a sure sign that maybe something he said might’ve affected you. 

You were silent for a short while. Matt knew you were taking in the sight of him. 

“Who’da thought I’d be getting relationship advice from my boss?” You laughed, a genuine one, to Matt’s relief. 

“I do more than just the law,” Matt smiled. 

“Thank you, Matt. I’m sorry you caught me at a moment of weakness.” 

“Don’t be sorry. I’ve had my fair share, too.” 

You headed back inside, followed by Matt, and rejoined everyone. Although the night carried on as it should’ve, your words stuck with Matt for the remainder of the night, until he met you on your roof to make things right. 

⠋⠁⠊⠞⠓

11 PM

Reluctantly, you went on your roof. Reluctantly, you slipped into your silk night dress, the one he liked. Was this all with hesitation, or were you just a little buzzed from Josie’s? 

Talking to Matt about Mike did help, but you needed something to hold onto. Something that made it make more sense than it did. You understood he couldn’t reveal himself, at least not yet, but you needed something to believe it. That it would be worth it in the end. 

And like a shadow in the night, he appears just as fast as he disappears. Mike, in his black outfit and face covered, stumbles onto your roof. You push yourself off the wall and walk toward him, arms crossed. 

“We need to talk—“

Your sentence is cut off with a hard kiss, and strong arms wrapping around your waist to lift you up. Naturally, you wrap your legs around Mike and hold onto him, lips locked on his. He holds you even tighter against his torso, his tongue teasing your bottom lip. When he pulls back, he gently tugs you with his teeth. 

“We need to talk about us,” You say breathlessly. 

“I know,” Mike says in a husky voice. “I need you to know something.” Mike gently lets you down, but he doesn’t let go of you. He runs his fingers down the length of your left arm and intertwines his hand with yours. He lifts it up and spreads your fingers out. 

“When I wake up, I think of you,” Mike whispers, putting his index finger around your hand. “When I’m at my day job, I think of you,” he puts his middle finger down, “After a rough night out, all I do is think of you,” ring finger down. “When I go to sleep, I think of you,” pinky down, “but it’s before I sleep when I think of you, that drives me absolutely crazy,” thumb down, his hand is entirely wrapped around yours. He swiftly brings it behind your back. You want to roll your eyes, this is not what I mean, but his next words keep you from arguing. 

“__,” he said your name in a hushed tone, “you’re in everything I do. Everything I say, everything I feel, it’s all you,” Mike’s lips find yours again, and his kiss puts you in a trance. The way his lips perfectly mold to yours, how his skin feels rough against yours, how he breathes you in whenever he kisses you. “If you need to hold onto something, hold onto this, my Angel,” Mike tilts your head so your neck is exposed. The tip of his nose traces the length of your neck. He kisses you down and then finds his lips on your jaw again, back to your lips. “When I think of you before I sleep, I think of things I want to do with you when you know who I am. I want to wake up next to you and fall asleep next to you. It’s—it’s when my mind goes dark that I can’t help but think of you,” Mike speaks lowly, in your ear. “When I think of you in danger, or sick, or in harm’s way, I—I get this overwhelming sense of dread. I’d die for you, __.” 

Mike takes your hand and places it over his heart. You feel his heart beating fast under your fingertips. 

“Mike,” you whisper, “I…”

“I have something for you,” he whispers. With his other hand, he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a long black thread with a cross on it. “I can’t tell you who I am yet,” Mike begins, “I will one day. But until then, I want you to have this, so you know I keep my promise.” 

He places the necklace around you and centers the cross so it falls right over your heart. You’re speechless, watching his movements. 

“I give you my promise,” he whispers again. When you think he’s going to kiss your lips, instead, he kisses your forehead. “I don’t want you to doubt me.” 

“I…I don’t doubt you. Not after this,” you smile, running your thumb through his necklace. “You have my word as well. I’ll wait for you if it means I get to be with you.” 

Mike presses his lips to yours, both his hands holding your face, delicately. 

“You’re my light,” Mike whispers. “I’m… sorry if I’ve ever made you feel otherwise.” 

You turn your head and kiss the palm of his hand with your eyes closed. You needed to hear this from him so badly. You had something to hold on to. 

It was faith. 

[just7frogsinapeoplesuit]

Finally reading the Locked Tomb series because for once it wasn't taken out of the library! Thoughts one book one (spoiler free):

- I loved that our point of view is a character who is completely clueless about everything that's happening. It felt like assembling a puzzle with most of the pieces missing. Very fun. I wish more authors did this. I can definitely see how other people could find it frustrating, though, especially considering that we're still mostly in the dark at the end of the book.

- The foreshadowing is done perfectly. We are never given too much information at once and rarely the whole picture, so even if you figure something out early on there's an extra layer to it during the Big Reveal that would only be noticeable on a re-read.

- Love the setting and the characters. They're unique and interesting and I'm excited to see where it goes from here. Science fantasy is a woefully underused genre.

- A lot of the characters' names are too long to be used in full all the time. I'm already bad with names, I cannot remember a large cast of people whose names are 4+ syllables, and it makes reading feel clunky when we have both "Protesilaus" and "Nonagesimus" multiple times on one page.

- The necromancer and cavalier of the 8th house are uncle and nephew, but the (younger-looking?) nephew is older by what seems to be a significant amount. I know this is completely possible, especially in a knights-and-lords society, but I feel like there should have been a sentence somewhere to acknowledge that their roles and ages don't match up as expected because it got confusing.

- The horror is really fun and creative, except for the blood writing and flickering lights in the scenes with the 4th teens which felt jarringly campy. Possibly that will be explained in a later book, or Muir was just having fun with tropes.

- Gideon's commentary sometimes breaks the immersion of the setting, which is otherwise done really well. For example, early in the book she describes her acne as "pizza face" when we know for a fact she's never encountered pizza and probably doesn't even know what dairy is. I don't think there's a way to justify her learning about whole types of food and a colorful assortment of swears and slang from magazines but not things like the concept of swimming and the existence of showers, which are clearly common in the places her magazines are from. The Autism in me wants to be bothered by this, but being funny is objectively the best reason to break the 4th wall a bit and she is very funny. Gideon is just the Locked Tomb Bugs Bunny.

- Re: immersion, my favorite detail is that Gideon's default unit of measurement is bodies. 10/10.

- My one real issue: the prose randomly switches between casual language Gideon would use and words that are about 3 levels more obscure than necessary. I could understand the obscure vocab if the word choice added something, but most of the time it doesn't and sometimes it's actually less applicable. I shouldn't have to look up words that fell out of the common lexicon over a century ago just to learn that what's being said is something like "this guy acts like a knight", and it doesn't make sense with Gideon as our POV. There is no way she's consistently thinking "deliquesce" instead of "melt away", especially not as part of a description that used "clusterfuck" two sentences earlier. Sometimes this shift happens midsentence and we get stuff like "a lahar of gunge"*. My spellchecker doesn't recognize either of those as words, because one is only used by volcano scientists and the other is so casual it's not in most dictionaries. Part of me is delighted by the choice to just chuck the whole English language into one book, but the inconsistent way it was executed made reading feel awkward and cumbersome at times, and having to somewhat frequently look up words that weren't actually adding anything got frustrating (I even looked up words I knew because sometimes the context made me think I had to be mistaking them for something else). I know it's not just me, because people regularly tell me I use words that are too obscure and I've had to learn to tone it down. I definitely wouldn't recommend this series to anyone with less than a solid "college level" vocabulary, and I think Muir's editor should've had a conversation along the lines of "most people are not immersed in worldbuilding research and/or in love with their thesaurus".

Overall, this was a fun read and I'm looking forward to the next two!

* Upon further reflection I think this one in particular is just a localization issue, since Muir is from New Zealand where lahars have historically been a threat and "gunge" is of UK origin. I'm guessing both words are much more commonplace in NZ than here in the US so if that's the case it's actually a fantastic bit of imagery I was too American to appreciate

EDIT: I just came across one of those "what's your English vocabulary size" tests and effortlessly got the highest possible score (which is apparently not at all common going by other people's results in the notes) so I feel further validated that the obscure vocab point is not me.

[withswords]

as usual tumblr is acting very high and mighty about knowing things that other people might not know, and getting very meanspirited about twitter refugees who haven’t heard of goncharov. additionally, there’s a lot of misinformation and jokes floating around that are probably just confusing a lot of people further, which is kind of unfair. the reason you’ve never seen goncharov is because until pretty recently nobody had since the 1970s!

tumblr has always had a thriving community of lost media enthusiasts, and the search for goncharov was kickstarted on here in 2020 after the discovery of a pair of shoes with a label that seemed to promote martin scorsese’s goncharov, a mysterious mafia movie nobody had ever heard of, leading to the ironic ‘this idiot hasn’t seen goncharov’ meme. however, under the surface, a few intrepid lost media excavators wondered, why hadn’t they seen goncharov? was this movie a total hoax?

then in late 2020- an event that got somewhat lost in the jumble of tumblr’s destiel election haze- gonch-heads found an interview with columbia pictures studio head david begelmen (best known for an embezzlement scandal that would be revealed a few years later) that mentioned goncharov. recently the unearthed movie has received praise for its striking visuals, for being a movie truly ahead of its time for the intended 1973 release, so people are often surprised to learn that goncharov was one of the all time production clusterfucks at columbia.

the interviewer quotes begelmen saying, “We don’t say that word [Goncharov],” in a tone that comes across almost scolding. when asked for clarification, he adds: “You know in theater they have the Scottish play? We have that ****ing Naples movie.”

when you look into it, it’s easy to see why goncharov was internally considered a cursed production. there are more thorough posts out there about all the disasters on the set of goncharov, but i’ll go over the two big ones. the enigmatic presence of ilya was created by practical necessity. his role was originally much larger, before the actor died on set (from a heart attack supposedly unrelated to the filming), and much of his part had to be scrapped. studio shakeups as columbia nearly went bankrupt (not helped by goncharov’s ambitious budget) and moved shooting from gower street to burbank resulted in much of the physical film going missing, thought to be destroyed until nearly 15 years later. around this time, rather than attempt to go into reshoots for an expensive nightmare led by a rookie director, the filming was canned completely.

i think because scorsese is so high profile now, people forget that in 73, he was barely scorsese. he was an up-and-coming director with some borrowed clout, but goncharov was a costly mistake that nearly ended his career. there’s a reason he rarely speaks about it. this was only compounded by matteo j.

a lot of people out there will tell you that j was the real director of goncharov, and this is false, if not an understandable mistake. matteo j has been off the grid for decades now and there’s a lot of speculation about who he was, his involvement with the original goncharov project, and why he went underground. there are rumors that he ran afoul of the actual mafia, but in my opinion that’s just sensationalism- you might as well say that the goncharov curse took him out. all we REALLY know is that he was at some point an employee of columbia pictures who gained access to the lost reels of goncharov.

j may at best be responsible for compiling his recovered goncharov footage in the late 80s, into a film which he tried to release in italy in partnership with procacci, who was attempting at that time to break into production and due to the low profile and attempted studio coverup at columbia was not fully aware of the film’s history. there are conflicting accounts of how much influence j’s editing has on the film, with some people considering him basically the marcia lucas of goncharov, and others believing him to be an opportunist taking advantage of a mostly-finished piece of art for his own gain.

obviously the studio intervened before the film’s actual release, but much of the promotional material including the poster, the shoes, etc. came from this time. it seems that columbia came to some kind of agreement with j vis a vis distribution and profits, probably in the hopes of cashing in on scorsese’s by then ascended name, which was of course splashed across the top of every goncharov poster you can find. however, the release was called off a second time once scorsese himself got wind of it.

and that seemed to be the end of it. the completed goncharov went into the columbia vault, with only a handful of misremembered bootlegs and chopped-up local tv airings even attesting to the fact that it ever existed, until a leaked copy appeared with no warning on archive.org. this seems to have been a prelude from a disgruntled netflix employee to the distribution of the film through the service (although, of course, in inferior aspect ratio, ‘remastered’ and with several scenes edited). you can still find copies of the original film on archive if you want to experience it as... well, it’s hard to say what the ‘intended’ goncharov experience is with such a complicated history behind it, but as close to intended as we can get. i don’t know if scorsese has softened on j’s version of the movie after all this time, or if he’s just let his grudge over it go. all i know for sure is that goncharov really has earned the title of the greatest mafia movie never made

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 31 – An Unauthorized Fan Treatise by Lauren James

This was a book (or, web fiction piece. Web serial? I’m not actually sure how it was initially released) that I read basically on a lark after getting curious seeing a few people talk about it on tumblr. So, score one for viral marketing and the convenience of reading free webfiction, I suppose – I was up until half past three in the morning barrelling through it all in one sitting. Which is all just incredibly appropriate for this story in particular.

So, the story’s a thriller/murder mystery, but specifically one about the actors on a trashy CW-style hot-young-adults-playing-supernatural-creatures-having-teen-drama style tv show, as told in the form of a sprawling series of essay-length posts by a fan devoted to proving that the two male leads are fucking in real life but forced to hide their live by the homophobic network. Things get more tangled from there.

So, as I said, very appropriate that I learned about this on tumblr. Basically everything about it is about online fan culture – there’s tens of thousands of words devoted to recounting livejournal sockpuppet drama, every chapter ends with a ‘comment section’ that’s mostly a Greek chorus but occasionally relevant to the plot, and almost literally every single aspect of the story and framing are a reference or pastiche to some famous online clusterfuck or other of the kind you’ve probably watched far-too-long video essay retrospectives of on youtube. Or I have, anyway (but then again, ninety percent of the references were a bit before my time anyway, so the cultural education was pretty crucial to me understanding what this was going for at all).

And, given all that, I ultimately found this pretty disappointing? It was absolutely readable, and enjoyable in the moment, but the metatextual commentary element meant the thriller plot at the heart of it just ended up seeming like, well, cheap soap opera. Beyond that, the framing device just seems like one giant missed opportunity, the commentary on fandom culture was in the end pretty shallow, and the shocking twist in the epilogue was, I think, just a mistake.

So okay, lets justify all of that in order.

When I say the plot didn’t really hold together for me, that might be more the fault of the word-of-mouth marketing that pointed me towards the story more than any promises the text itself makes, honestly. But I went in expecting a story about fan obsession and hallucination, projection and parasocial relationships, and all that. And downstream of that, I was expecting something a bit grounded? And the story just wasn’t either of those things; to begin with, the two celebrities the ‘fan treatise’ is about really are secretly dating and being forced to hide it, which seemed like kind of inexplicable decision to me as I read it. It’s not just that, either. Like to be clear this story absolutely has an unreliable narrator, but for a story ostensibly about fan obsession, it seems a bit odd for, lik, there to be an extended digression about how a famous actor was totally of an asshole in a livejournal fanfic community a decade previously, and then have that be revealed to be totally and unambiguously correct.

It’s less of an issue, but as I said the actual murders and intrigues at the core of the story are kind of just..ridiculous? Which I honestly normally wouldn’t mind, but- wen your story spends so much time talking about trashy supernatural tv shows and fanfic, it becomes kind of important that the ground-level narrative seem real by comparison, you know? And this had altogether too much talk of ‘the dark web’ for that.

I’m very possibly going to be putting my foot in my mouth hear (most of the specific fan cultures and pieces of drama being referenced, I only really know second hand through various salacious youtube gossip rags), but for all that the entire story’s utterly preoccupied with, in the end I found the commentary on fan culture really..shallow? Sure, the entire premise is having a laugh at larry stylinson-style RPF shipping conspiracies, the entire livejournal plot is a pastiche of the MsScribe drama, there are plenty of jokes about how m/m shippers literally forgetting about te female lead in te show she headlines, etc, etc. And they’re, largely, well-done references and jokes! Not really complaining about that.

But I’m kind of left feeling like there’s nothing really underneath it all. Which- if James had sat down a story with the explicit purpose of Saying Something About Fandom, it would almost certainly have been terrible. But between the murder plot and the revelations of Gottie’s byzantine revenge scheme (which honestly I’m consciously choosing not to think about too hard lest this just turn into cinemasins-for-books), in the end all the fandom stuff almost felt like window dressing? Elaborate, detailed, and impressive window-dressing, to be sure, but as the story went on and the plot became more clearly thriller-ish, increasingly revealed to be surface level and ornamental.

Speaking of ‘surface level’: the web serial medium and use of links here was such an incredible missed opportunity. You have an utterly unreliable narrator with a secret agenda and a grudge writing tens of thousands of words of livejournal essays about celebrities, and then you go to the effort of making actual accounts on twitter/insta/whatever to leave real links to when you cite them, and then you have her actually faithfully relate what the cited paged say? What a waste! This would have been so much better if it was 50% more postmodern and up its own ass about playing with the format. And doing so would even let you have that (incredibly obvious on one level, entirely out of nowhere and dramatically dead when it’s dropped as the literal last word of the story) reveal in the epilogue actually work!

Anyway, this all sounds incredible negative. Which isn’t entirely inaccurate, honestly, but I should reiterate that I googled this out of idle curiosity on a Friday evening and only realized it was 3am when I finished it. The negativity is more because this seemed so close to being amazing than because it was anything heinous.

[randomnameless]

15 days ago :

...

Two weeks is "long" enough not to be called soon, right??

So in that run, Alain repaired a bridge and crossed it, under his advisor's stern and despaired glare, and we saw a horrible cutscene with evil!Scarlett now going on by the name of Norbelle.

But since I couldn't be assed to grind to, well, play the final map, I just unlocked the cutscene and then went on my way to rescue Scarlett before she turns "evil".

@megafan1993 : iirc you theorised in a comment that maybe angel people can't be Zenoira'd like the bestrals because we don't see any zenoira'd angel in Albion? Given how Scarlett's line is basically an "angel experiment" that went right (like she got magic mc guffin powers instead of sprouting wings) Norbelle's here to tell us that she could be hijacked... even if I checked on YT videos and apparently it's bit more weird, like Norbelle says she was channeled in this body when Scarlett's soul left, but when we defeat Norbelle Scarlett's still here somehow asking Alain to live?

Anyways, wanting to continue on my "get cutscenes I didn't get in the first round", but being too much of a chicken to execute then Cornian recruits (:'( ) I decided to have Alain talk to Gilbert from the South in the final Drakengard map - and now instead of having them talk, Gilbert apparently remembers having talked to us?

Virginia being all "maybe you should talk to Aramis and ask him to reassure his brother about his role and status as the King", well, nope. Just like she told Alain, when we first met Berengaria, that their family matter was something between them and not for us to intervene, Alain went with something like "it's not for us to intervene in Drakengard's royal affairs" or something.

Which had her be a bit pissed, but she ultimately gives up because that's Alain's decision, and he is the leader of the army. So instead of talking to his brother, Gilbert faces his father's throne with doubts and his armored adviser (Hermann) tells him not to worry, and how everyone supports him even if his brother - who hasn't been confirmed to be dead yet - has a better claim to the throne.

However, given how he still has doubts and voices them to the Cornians - after Virginia asked him to "speak his mind" or something - and says he would rather join the Liberation Army, but defuses the situation by pretending it's a joke... well, let's say this plot point is left in the air.

(but it could make for a nice plotbunny in a fic : what if Gilbert later learns that his brother is still with the LA and how Alain and Virginia both kept that info for him? Marriage or not, I doubt he's going to be chummy with the Cornian royals, especially if he believes they kept that info from him to have some sort of leverage against his crown/rule by threatening him to reveal Ludwig's existence to the world and thus directly challenge his legitimacy... - what a clusterfuck this decision of "letting them deal with their family matters on their own" would create lol)

But he swore he will be assisting us in the last battle!

I don't think there are any other "meaningful choices" after Drakengard, maybe I'll kill Bertrand (:'() in Bastorias to get that entry on the archive ?

[mikhailwrites]

Let me indulge you / Ghost x Soap

Kinktober #9 - Stripping

Soap plops down on the bed unceremoniously. It’s Ghost’s bed, and he’s still in his full tactical gear and dirty. Ghost stares at him hard. “You can’t be serious,” his voice is low and dangerous as he reaches for the straps and clasps of his own vest.

“Stop,” Soap says, and it sounds suspiciously close to a command. “Do it slowly.”

“What?” Ghost’s hands still, eyes darting to Soap, as he is sprawled on the bed, intense blue eyes trained on his Lieutenant, and his right hand slowly creeping across his own tac-vest and lower still. Is he...?

Ghost chuckles, his mood brightening a fraction. The mission has been a proper clusterfuck, Ghost is more than little sour about it, but Johnny’s playful smirk and the unabashed horniness might cheer him up some. Maybe something as ridiculous as an attempt to somehow sensually remove his gear is exactly what he needs.

Ghost is very methodical, removing items in order of the level of lethality. Grenades go first. Ghost tries to make a show of it, no matter how embarrassed he feels—sliding his fingers on the hem of the pouch, teasing it, making sure to brush the safety pin. Putting the grenades away, Ghost takes out the magazines, one by one, setting them aside. Knives are next. Ghost flicks a few of them between his fingers, knowing full well that Soap would appreciate it. The thigh holster follows, and Ghost, just for the kicks of it, draws up a chair and puts his feet on it as if he were to roll down fucking stockings. Bloody hell, if someone saw him like that… well, someone other than Soap. The Sergeant’s mouth forms a wolfish grin, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips.

Ghost pretends not to notice the unbridled hunger in Johnny’s gaze as he proceeds to remove the holster and place it on the desk. With the dangerous gear out of the way, Ghost flicks the light off. Before Soap manages to ask, Ghost cracks several chemlights. Throwing a few on the bed, where they land both next to Soap and on him, and dropping the rest of the bundle on the floor beneath his feet, he creates a semblance of mood lighting. The orange glow is easy on the eyes, and Ghost hopes that maybe it will make him easier on the eyes as well.

The crack of Velcro being undone and snaps of the clasps fill the silent room. Ghost sighs as he, finally, removes the vest. He’s used to its weight, yet it’s still a relief to take it off. By this point, he stops with the charade. He’s way too strung up to play coy or, even worse, sexy. The jacket is unzipped, the t-shirt taken off, the belt undone, and the trousers unbuttoned in a matter of tens of seconds and before a minute passes, he’s walking over to the bed.

The frame creaks under both of their weights, and Ghost crawls on top of Soap, who looks very unfocused, caught off guard with a hand down his own trousers.

“Simon,” he breathes out, feasting his eyes on every inch of revealed skin. The chemlight casts harsh shadows over them, there’s really not much to see, but he tries anyway. And not just with eyes alone. A second later, there are hands on Simon. Hot, calloused and strong, grabbing him to pull him down. Ghost is rudely reminded of the fact that Soap didn’t bother to undress by a hard edge of the magazine prodding him under the ribs.

“You’re overdressed.”

“Mmm, what’re ye gonna do aboot it?” Ghost can hear the challenge in Johnny’s voice.

“I’m throwing you off my bed and not letting you back in until you’re naked and had a shower. You fucking reek, Soap,” Ghost growls and proceeds to do just that. Johnny yelps as Ghost sits back on his heels, grabbing the Sergeant by the straps of his vest and shoving him off the bed. Soap lands on the hard floor with a thud and some colourful Scottish curse.

“What the fuck, Ghost?” Soap whines as he gets his legs under him. He sounds really disappointed, maybe a bit hurt, too.

“You want finer things, Johnny? Gotta work for them.”

[crimsonscloud]

bunch of things about my lab rats oc because i have brainrot.

( will add a moodboard for him later )

name: adrien trevor abernathy

nicknames: dre, trevor

gender: male

birthdate: 1973. still have to give him a birth month

age: early forties. he just doesn't lie about it like donald does /j

hair color: dark brown, starting to gray

eye color: blue

faceclaim: pascal langdale

occupation: robotics engineer for davenport industries ( formerly; later reinstated )

i haven't had any time to rewatch and formulate anything so we're coasting on vibes only. prepare for word vomit and canon divergences

started working for davenport industries after college, was friends with both brothers. he and douglas had a crush on each other, but never said anything since they were both still in the closet at the time.

then the incident with douglas faking his death happens.

in my version of canon, donald finds the kids after douglas' "funeral" because... idk, i just like it better. hurts more that way.

[slightly related: daniel doesn't exist in my au.]

he doesn't tell adrien about them, but adrien figures out he's hiding something. combined with the grief over douglas (and adrien not believing he's dead, or thinking that donald had something to do with it because the brothers were fighting more just before it happened) they start drifting apart and fighting a lot.

adrien leaves the company at some point after this. i haven't figured out what he's up to in the space between here and the beginning of the show, but he pops back up at some point in the first two seasons (before the reveal that douglas is alive).

he's pissed (and hurt) that donald didn't tell him about abc because for god's sake donald, those are children and if you told me back then i'd at least have made an effort to treat them that way. it calls into question, for him, how much donald really trusted him. if donald ever trusted anybody but himself.

then he also has to find out that he was right -- douglas is alive. oh, yeah, and is also currently a villain. with another kid that is solely intended to help him get the other three back. that's a clusterfuck.

so much of this is just adrien going what the fuck davenport(s)

come season three (which i remember a little more of, yay) he hasn't forgiven either brother much for lying to him, but he can't fault the kids for that so he sticks around. he's sorta like the cool uncle.

he helps douglas sneak leo out of the hospital after his arm's crushed, and helps him work on the bionic arm. it's one of the first real opportunities they have to talk some things out.

rise of the secret soldiers- specific things, because there's a couple things here:

because adrien isn't bionic, he uses a pair of gauntlets he worked on pre-canon as a prototype and kept around. they're designed to absorb energy, so in practice they give him enhanced strength but he reworks them a bit (patterned after leo's bionics) so he can also generate laser spheres through nodes on the palms.

however, they have a limit to how much energy they can absorb before the user's body must take on some of the strain. krane overloads them, severely injuring adrien and putting him in the hospital (instead of donald).

everything else happens similarly to canon -- leo uses energy transference to save adrien, almost dies, the bionic soldiers save leo, etc. because of the gauntlets backfiring adrien now has scarring on his hands and experiences tremors / pain due to the nerve damage.

of course his response to this is i need to invent something better so he completely redesigns the gauntlets during season four / afterwards. the new design allows him to wear them all the time, disguised as simple bracelets when inactive.

other things about him:

not a power, but he can mimic voices. even if the voice is nowhere close to his. it's a disney show i don't care about logic, this is funnier /j. he and bree (since she has it but as an actual power) use it to prank the others by "switching" voices and leo is like "don't ever do that again"

douglas gave him a bracelet. initially adrien no longer wears it / doesn't mention it so douglas thinks he got rid of it, but after they talk during you posted what?! he starts to wear it again.

donald and leo both admit adrien (who is basically if ":) (threat)" was a person) scares them. leo had to clarify that it wasn't a compliment.

douglas, donald and adrien all have a habit of calling each other by their middle names when they're upset with each other / making fun of each other.

adrien's "dre" nickname comes from when he first met the brothers -- donald kept thinking his name was andre and adrien corrected him multiple times until he got it. douglas, however, thought this was hilarious and so the "dre" nickname stuck.

adrien and tasha friendship by virtue of being the mostly sane adults dealing with a davenport's nonsense is so real to me

gay as hell and definitely tells perry she's definitely barking up the wrong tree. and also no she can't have douglas, he was there first

[xatsperesso]

Kalego must be the most angry, post Heartbreaker arc. His brother let two suspicious people enter Babyls under recommendation.

Kalego didn't really have any way to think that they would be dangerous for the kids, even Balam didn't see anything really wrong, even if he must have knew that something was wrong, and he must have shared his thoughts with his best friend.

But Kalego trusted his brother's words, why shouldn't he did it? It's his brother and they seems to have a good relationship (unlike his relaiton with his uncle). Family seems to be important for demons after all.

and then, not only one of the teachers RECOMMANDED by his big brother tried to kill EIGHT students (Sabro, more or less + thetwo first years with him + Allocer + the four first years with him) but he also tried to kidnap Iruma. It's only by chance that all of them are still safe.

because right now, Kalego has two face two possibilities.

1) his brother didn't knew. and it's a big error of judgement who could have had big consequences. And so Kalego will have one or two words to say about it. Even if Narnia didn't know, Kalego's trust into him must have been damaged. Because next time, who know what could happen? Kalego will NEVER forget or forgive that.

2) Narnia KNEW. Let one (two?) suspicious and dangerous "teachers" enter to Babyls and then he's a accomplice. And so he's potentially a traitor and Kalego must comfort him to have few words with him and have a explanation.

Nothing matters more for Kalego than his students safety. And here 8 students could have been killed (or seven + a return to origin) and Iruma could have been kidnapped. Three of his students suffered, and are likely more or less traumatised (ok 5 students with Jazz because of Mabras Sensei, and Gaomon being depressed because his true face has been seen).

Because he trusted his brother, and he trusted his brother's recommandation for Atori and Shiida without too much doubts. Balam told him that they didn't lie but that they should keep a eye on them.

He must feel betrayed. He must be angry. Because either his brother has been terribly negligent and didn't honor his position, either he's a traitor who work for the same person than Atori, the person who has attacked the school under Kalego's protection and who has hurt students.

Opera can be mad at him, but it's probably nothing compared to how much mad at himself Kalego must be to have trusted his brother without doubts and to have let that happen. and he must be so much mad at his brother, considering that he's visibly ready to BITE and has a "smile" when he says "yeah yeah i promise that i will not provoke troubles"

The watchdog became a angry papa!Wolf

Beware Narnia! Your brother is very very displeased with you!

After rereading multiple times I've come to the conclusion that kalego's relationship with his brother is vague

Very vague, that i cant comment about how it could affect kalego's feelings towards what atori did. Like their are instances that lead me to believe their relationship isn't that great, but at the same time he's talking very neutrally about him

Kalego went to his uncles help before going to his brother, and the face kalego did when he heard his brother could become one of the 13 crowns

These are signs that could have perfectly good explanation other than kalego having problems with his brother, but since there are no concrete evidence of what their relationship is like, I'll just skip kalego's brother for now until more is revealed

About the clusterfuck that could also be called the heartbreaker event.

This event wasn't made to help the students. It was made to destroy the misfits. Some teachers took that job too literally (looking at you, robin and Mabras) they themselves admitted that they were doing this event to crush their pride. teaching them a lesson was considered a bonus, but was not the main objective.

So after they've stated that, they decided that it'd be a good idea to let the newbies participate

I dont care what excuse they have. That was a recipe for disaster from the start

Oh! They were recommended by the patrol, specifically kalego's brother? How cute. I didn't know that one of the patrol's job was to train teacher and send them to babyl's school.

Can the patrol ensure that these people know the basics of teaching? That they know that these students have limits? Do these new teachers know when pushing students beyond their limits suddenly become putting students in unnecessary danger?

I think not

And on top of that, did any of the teachers even tried to see what the newbies are like in a fight? Ya know, to make sure that these teachers know what's ok and what's not?

Do you even know what those newbies abilities are? Other than shiida can kick people? Not knowing their abilities is very bad, because being surprised by their abilities in the middle of the exam sounds like a very bad idea. Their ability could be making people explode for all they know!

Oh, but of course no teacher in their right mind would use such a dangerous ability around their students

These are not teachers. These are people who are still learning to become teachers, and they're against students who are actively attacking them. They were bound to use their abilities at one point, especially since they're against the misfits

And lets say that shiida's ability is brute force. They don't know whether shiida is aware that she can't use a lot of force with everyone in the misfits. There are only 5 out of 13 students who know how to fight(excluding first years because these are first years. They shouldn't be dragged into this shit in their first month)

So, their abilities is one unknown variable, their fighting skills is another unknown variable, their moral standards is questioned by balam, and they have zero teaching experience. Pairing them, unsupervised, to the misfits, a class that is as predictable as the weather (not predictable at all) is just asking for a disaster to happen. You can't make a physical exam for students without ensuring that everything will go as planned. Not knowing anything, no matter how small could cost a students life.

And it almost did

It was very careless of them to believe that no matter what they'll be nearby and able to help. And the evidence to that are the students who almost died. The students that had to stay in the infirmary.

Kalego is mad at himself? Good. They all should be. So next time they won't make the same mistake. So next time they know not to trust the judgement of someone who's not a teacher. So next time no student's life is on the line.

Because next time they may have to deal with a student's death

I will have no sympathy towards them regarding this event until one of them at least one teacher acknowledges that what has happened was due to their own shortcomings. But until now, only opera has said that, and it wasn't his job at the time to look over the school.

And now that my feelings over the heartbreaker has been refreshed, I can confidently say: Narnia, you're on thin fucking ice

If it was revealed you're not with the six fingers, I'm roasting your ass next