#it was crazy man i'm never doing it again
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SVT and Jealousy
Requested? Yes!
Requests: "seventeen reaction to their partner being jealous" and "seventeen getting jealous over their partner? could be because someoneās flirting with their partner or maybe their partner is spending more time with a coworker or classmate to complete a project"
A/N: this one was a bit of a doozy since I decided to address both requests in one go.
A/N #2: This is the new and improved version which includes all of the members. Thank you to the person that let me know that one was missing. I'm not sure if reblogs that are already out there will contain this fix, but just an FYI.
Seungcheol
When heās jealous: everyone saw this coming. It takes very little for him to be like, āhmm, that person is too closeā or āthat personās talking to you too muchā. Might insert him into the conversation both verbally and physically in a way that screams that youāre taken. Sometimes youāll roll your eyes about it and call him a big baby, but sometimes you might have to have a serious conversation about whether he trusts you or not. Will still want to make it apparent that youāre taken even if itās not super aggressive, so thatās kind of a non-negotiable here, I fear.Ā
When youāre jealous: oddly, I think heād be confused by this. Not because he doesnāt understand jealousy, but because he feels thereās no reason. Heās so unapologetically into you that heās totally lost when you say someone was too close to him or talking to him too much. Youāll have to equate your jealousy to his own for him to ever get it - you know, the typical āwould you like it if I did that?ā He would not.Ā
Jeonghan
When heās jealous: such a rarity. Heās pretty secure in general, I think, so on a typical day it never occurs to him to be jealous. But I think if there were someone that youāre closer with or have a deeper history with (like a close friend that seems to blur lines or an ex that you still see from time to time), he might feel a little jealousy stir. SUPER passive aggressive if heās ever feeling this way. Youāll leave an interaction and have to be like āwhat the hell was that???ā Will never admit to said jealousy.Ā
When youāre jealous: he actually wants you to be a little jealous. Starting to sound like a potential red flag, but hear me out. Wonāt do anything crazy, but might not shut down a conversation that he recognizes as a tad too friendly right away, only to watch how you react. I believe heād do this to reassure himself that you care. If you tell him something like that really bothers you, then I think heād stop though.Ā
Joshua
When heās jealous: this absolutely manifests as insecurity. If you talk a little too much about one of your coworkers, it might make him think about what that coworker has that he doesnāt. Might not ever admit to the jealousy itself, but will certainly ask for a little extra reassurance when heās feeling like this. 'Do you still love me?' 'Are you happy with our relationship?' 'Are thereĀ things I could do to make you happier?' Put this sweet, sweet man out of his misery.Ā
When youāre jealous: oh, he never means for this to happen, I promise. He wants you to feel secure in the relationship, the same way he wants security himself. But heās so friendly sometimes that both you and everyone else might misread it as something else. If you tell him you were bothered by something, heāll make a real effort to eliminate the possibility of that happening again, but it is what it is sometimes.Ā
Jun
When heās jealous: itās obvious because he clams up. Will give very brief answers with a little furrow in his eyebrows until you finally ask him if heās alright and he falls apart. āDo you even love me anymore?!?ā The drama!! Youāll have to press for specifics about what made him feel this way so you can avoid it in the future. At the very least, reassure this big baby that you still love him.Ā
When youāre jealous: smug for only a moment. Quite literally a single second. He doesnāt like the idea that you doubt his love, just like you wouldnāt like it when he doubts yours. So heāll be more cognizant in future interactions and if something canāt be helped, heās reassuring you right away that it wasnāt what you might think.Ā
Hoshi
When heās jealous: so pouty and sulky. Where as Jun might bite his tongue for a little bit, I donāt think Soonyoung would. Heāll let you know right away that he doesnāt like this person and might even beg you to put some serious distance between you and them. Another big baby to reassure, but heās really just nervous that you might not like him as much as he thought.Ā
When youāre jealous: huge question mark floating above his head. Then when it clicks, heās quick to assure you itās nothing like that and you have nothing to worry about. Will lay it on thick just because he wants you to understand how into you he is. Will freely admit that thereās not a single thought in his head besides you a lot of the time. What you donāt know is that that conversation you saw across the room consisted of āmy partnerā this and āmy partnerā that.Ā
Wonwoo
When heās jealous: will never say it. Heās a lock box when it comes to this. If you do manage to pry this out of him, I think it wonāt manifest in words as much as it would in actions in the bedroom. Would not be super possessive in public, but will want the reassurance that only he can do that and see you like that, you know?Ā
When youāre jealous: smug for a moment as well, before heās putting your mind at ease right away. Even if he wonāt say when heās jealous, heāll tell you exactly what he thinks of that person that was just a little too close to him for your liking, even or rather especially if itās mean. This might also manifest in the bedroom if only because heās just not a man of many words.Ā
Woozi
When heās jealous: will become pretty irritable about it. When you leave this event, heās snippy and seems annoyed with everything you say. This honestly might lead to a little bit of a fight and it might take some time to reassure him on where you stand. Really just wants to know that youāre his as much as heās yours but wonāt feel like he can come right out and say that.Ā
When youāre jealous: totally lost. He works with a ton of artists, but why is it an issue now? If you say itās because youāre sure this person is into him what with the messages that have been going back and forth, heāll flat out say he doesnāt care about this other person. Would be pretty intentional about drawing boundaries with this person from then on because he trusts that youāre seeing something real there.Ā
DK
When heās jealous: oh boy. How can he draw attention to himself immediately? If his big personality doesnāt work, then heāll resort to making it apparent that youāre taken, probably by just coming over and introducing himself as your boyfriend. If you raise an eyebrow at him about it later, heāll shrug. āWhat, am I not?ā Never mind that heās praying that you agree and he didn't somehow miss an entire breakup.Ā
When youāre jealous: much like Joshua, heās perhaps a little too friendly for his own good. Totally oblivious about the other personās intentions until itās a little too late. The moment this person tries to touch him or say something flirty, heās dragging you over to him, saying āhey, have you met my partner that Iām super in love with???ā Not subtle at all and will not let you linger on those sort of thoughts.Ā
Mingyu
When heās jealous: Another one that could be a bit intense in making sure someone understands youāre taken. Like s.coups, it takes very little for him to get to this point. Talk about clingy anytime, but specifically in this situation. Doesnāt even have to say anything because he's already hanging all over you, but trust me he will. Itās ābabyā this and ālove of my lifeā that when he inserts himself into the conversation. Totally good once your attention is back on him, so another of the big baby club.
When youāre jealous: A natural flirt and absolutely wonāt mean it. I picture that you will have to be just as aggressive as he is when heās jealous for him to get that heās letting a few too many little comments or touches slide. But he wants you to cling to him too, so while I donāt think heād go out of his way to make you jealous necessarily, he doesnāt hate it if you are.Ā
Minghao
When heās jealous: ooo another passive aggressive one. After about the fifth snippy comment, youāre pulling him off to the side to ask what his deal is. āThat person is my deal. Theyāre coming on to you.ā No matter whether you realized it or not, if you say something like āso? I want you, not them,ā heāll just do a little āohā and let it go.Ā
When youāre jealous: Iāll be honest, I think heād be able to read the other personās intentions and will never let it progress to something that could make you jealous if he can help it. But sometimes he canāt help it because itās work related and he has to be friendly in front of cameras etc., so heāll be quick to remind you of the same thing you tell him - that he wants you, not them.
Seungkwan
When heās jealous: so damn snarky. This person will know that Seungkwan doesnāt like them. Youāll know Seungkwan doesnāt like them. Everyone will know Seungkwan doesnāt like them. You or someone else might have to even tell him to lay off a bit. That snark might be directed at you too, and youāll have to wait until heās ready to really talk about it before you understand the issue.Ā
When youāre jealous: another one that the friendliness will get the best of him some times. Heās such a social butterfly, and to some extent you might have to accept it. Still, he doesnāt want to make you feel insecure about the relationship, so whether youāre around or not, heās talking fondly of you to let others know heās happily taken.Ā
Vernon
When heās jealous: Iāve said it before and Iāll say it again, heās not that aloof!!! Totally recognizes when someoneās coming on to you, but I donāt think itās in his nature to act jealously. He sits back and watches, will maybe be a little uncomfortable, but you genuinely may never know that he feels that way. Feels better quite literally as soon as your attention is on him again. Thatās actually all the reassurance he needs.Ā
When youāre jealous: now I have to admitā¦. This might be where heās a tiny bit aloof. May not recognize that someoneās hitting on him, like, ever. At least not until someone else mentions it. This might be tough at first, because he wants to recognize when this is happening to put a stop to it for you, but usually doesnāt realize until itās far too late. Eventually, heāll realize he can just casually mention you at the top of the conversation to imply heās taken. He might even let himself look a little lovesick too for good measure.Ā
Chan
When heās jealous: retreats into himself and sulks. When you find him later, he might say something snarky like āwhereās your friend?ā Please shrug and say I donāt know so he can breathe for a minute about the fact that you donāt seem to care about that person. Might need extra reassurance here and there to feel secure about situations like this because, like Iāve said for others, he wants to know your his as much as heās yours.Ā
When youāre jealous: another one thatās sometimes too friendly for their own good. But heās perceptive about it and when he realizes how you might take it, particularly if youāre showing signs of being jealous, heās quick to abandon this person and smother you with affection until you get it. I mean, squishing your cheeks, kissing you, and loudly telling you he loves you and only you, regardless of how public the setting might be. Will lay it on thick because he doesnāt want you to have any doubts.
#seventeen#svt#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#seventeen reactions#svt reactions#seventeen imagines#svt imagines#seungcheol#jeonghan#joshua#jun#hoshi#wonwoo#woozi#dk#mingyu#minghao#seungkwan#vernon#dino
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEO !!!!
all what blud is pondering + yapping bout smh @neo91502 šš
credits to nxva on the tsmg4 fanart LMAO
this is my bday gift to the blue canine with wings nothing crazy underneath nooooo nope nope nopity nope :) shhhh
and now for my essay speech bc that's becoming my trademark now other than being comic ceo of smg34 apparently LMAO
neo, you already got my lil emotional yap thru dms bout ur "loyal lettuce" role, but ong i'm boutta give another sappy essay for you to use ur big pikmin brain to read: once again, thank you, for wanting to talk to me, hang out with me, and just yap about shared interests. it takes a lot for me to open my shell due to past experiences with folks its hard to even open myself to making friends at times,,, yet never did i expect anyone to know or like EPIC: the musical as much as i did nor even WANT to go forth the idea of a smg4 au for fun. i'll admit i was very nervous being invited to the private dms to yap bout it and a part of me from bad habits wanted to run away, but your understanding and providing ways to help so i didn't feel excluded made me feel so relieved and welcomed. as i already told you, it's been a VERY long time i got to really yap my love for musicals in this way in depth and getting to know even more folks from that outburst {lookin at you knightmare and lore š} has genuinely made me so much happy. i love musicals in a very deep level and finally getting that opportunity to talk to others just has been the greatest ever /gen /srs.
other than musicals, FINALLY i have met someone who loves isaacwhy too hELLO????? like i've gotten very few people irl to show them clips but none have either really stuck into watching or liking them as much as me. so getting that opportunity to watch LTLVC with you and nova was SO FUN {despite my stream quality was laggy and slow} i enjoyed it so much and finally i can reference the jokes so much BC GOD I USED TO DO THEM SM IRL U HAVE NO IDEA HAHAHAHHAHAH TYUFGHEDCSXYUIGJHEFDC
another big factor was just being so surprised and shock you had a fursona!!! neo!!!! it just made me so happy GENUINELY bringing me back to my furry home adobe and knowing the fact i could draw other's fursonas and even my own and being welcomed about that idea just made me explode /pos. even more when i got to watch you DRAW TOMMY.... like at that point i finally got over my fear and confidently pressed that follow.
you are such an awesome guy neo. you're really fun to yap with and never once had i had any second doubts other than being afraid i would embarrass myself ITYGJHFCDSX i still remember almost vividly the first time we aCTUALLY talked when i was doing thumbnail sketches of my final comic assignment, with the "typer" joke YOU CHOCKED FROM LAUGHTER HAHAHAY89IUTGYFUEHJDSX TO THE NEXT DAY ANDER AND I TALKED BOUT IT AGAIN HAHAHAHA still one of my fav vc's ever. thank you so much for being a fan, joining my server, and joining vc to us being friends. you mean so much to me, thank you for being your silly self, i srsly look forward to yapping to you every day.
and good gOD i will continue that binge on getting into the pikmin lore TRUST..... šš
BTW, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO ATTENDED NEO'S BIRTHDAY PARTY EVENT IN THE TSB SERVER !!!! whether it was just for a bit or the whole event, THANK YOU. /gen
i don't plan on doing much birthday vc events unfortunately, but i def wanted to do one {and using neo as a guinea pig once again} since this silly man had impacted me so much i wanted to give him the best bday he could have. even if it got really chaotic several times YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY OH MY FUKIN GOD HAHAHHAHAA and no im not sorry for being absent the first 40 mins my stephen king fixiation is a priority /j
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ACT II THOUGHTS - MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT
Episode 4
JINX AND ISHA ARE SOOO CUTEEEEE
Girl go to your rallyā¦..
Singed what are you doing here
I love all the Jinx outfits + hair everyone is doing
ISHA AND SINGED AWW
The Warwick sequence is so so cool wow
YOU CAN SEE HER BLUE HAIR THAT HELMET IS HARDLY DOING ANYTHING THIS IS STRESSING ME OUT
Star Wars ass prison break in
Oooo the Jinx and Warwick fight scene is dope
āPOWDERā IāM GOING TO CRY
Episode 5
Jinx and Vi teamup YAYYYY
Caitlyn looks so fine in that capeĀ
Iām crying this Caitlyn and Singed interrogation is literally the soyjack vs chad meme
MEL NOOOOO
KINO?????????
Aww :(
Vi looks so good hello
Noooo Singed donāt do it
Heās planning something; there's no way heās actually teaming up with her. Right.
SINGEDāS DAUGHTER? YOUNG SILCO? THEREāS SO MUCH HAPPENINGĀ
What.What are they implying here. Guys if theyāre actually going to prove the āMel is pregnantā theory right Iām going to sell all my Arcane merch and rate the season 0 stars
Where was Singed getting the funding to do all thisĀ
Caitlyn is actually making me mad this season man
Youāre telling me Kino was in this prison with literally nothing to do for like 20-30 years and never realized there was a puzzle on the wall, but Mel went in there and found out in like 5 minutesš
Of course it wasnāt her brother Iām stupid actually.
āSister??ā What is going on I do not like this Black Rose plotline Iām sorry thereās too much going on
VANDER AND SILCO FLASHBACK YAY
HELP SILCOāS REACTION
Old Silco was fine as hell but so is younger Silco like woah
And now Iām crying again!
JAYCE WITH BEARD JAYCE WITH BEARD JAYCE
Huh. How is Viktor speaking through Salo what
Once againā¦.this is too muchhhh I need to make a separate post about this bc itās really bothering meĀ
JAYCE WHAT THE HELLš
Episode 6
Dude what is thisss stop
I donāt like this.
He never gave a fuck about Sky before why is she suddenly such a big part of his motivations and talking to him now. I know he feels bad about accidentally killing her but why are they besties now what
I donāt like this space thing at all itās too weird Iām sorry
Mfw the show called āArcaneā has magic in it I guess: š
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Isha please donāt take the gemstone lol. Isha. Iām begging you please put that down.
Guys Iām worried!
Am I just a hater or is anyone else getting pissed off at the wacky hextech speaking-to-people-in-their-minds thing
AND I'M SORRY I DONāT HATE SKY BUT WHY IS SHE HERE. AM I MISSING SOMETHING
JINX AND VIKTOR TEAMUP REAL???? RARE CORRECT FAN PREDICTION HOORAY!
Actually stop with the space hextech thing itās making me MADĀ
Iām sorry I donāt mean to complain so much I love this show but I actually cannot stand this please forgive me
IT JUST FEELS SO CORNY
Ooo I like this watercolor animation
Singed whyyyyĀ
OKAYYYY CAITLYNĀ
Jayce are you good buddyā¦.?
JAYCE NO!
Am I stupid why did he kill himā¦.is it just because he thought he went to far with Hextech and the crazy hallucinations he was having? That canāt be it? Did he not mean to kill him? I am so lost rnĀ
VANDER :(
The music that played in s1e3 when he fought Silco in the cannery :(
I KNEW ISHA WAS GOING TO DIE BUT THAT WAS SO SADĀ
#arcane#league of legends#arcane league of legends#arcane season two#jinx arcane#jayce talis#vi arcane#arcane analysis#ambessa medarda#caitlyn kiramman#viktor arcane#isha arcane#singed arcane
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Batwoman awkwardly flirting with (lady) The Question in the middle of a mission!
Batwoman stayed close to The Question (Renee) as Batman sifted through his notes, the tension in the air palpable. She cleared her throat, trying to maintain her usual laid-back demeanor, especially while flirting with women.
Batwoman struggled to find an icebreaker, a nervous smile playing on her lips.
Batwoman: Umā¦ can you see well with the full face covering?
Question chuckled, shrugging casually.
Question: Surprisingly, yes. Itās easy to breathe in too.
Batwoman (a hint of anxiety in her tone, darting her gaze slightly to the side): Thatās good to know. You make the suit look fantasticāway better than the guy.
Question (intrigued with the heroine): Huh? Oh, thank you! I like your suit too.
Batwoman stood proudly in a hero stance.
Batwoman (proudly, a hint of excitement in her voice): I made it myself.
Batman cleared his throat, irritation evident as he looked up from his notes, his brow furrowing.
Batman (bluntly, arms crossed): Excuse me, can you two wrap up whatever conversation youāre having? Weāre in the middle of an active homicide case here.
Batwoman (nonchalantly waving it off, a smirk on her face): Weāve already done our part; weāre taking turns. You focus on the details. Mrs. Question, do youā
Question: Iām not married, so Miss Question works better. Plus I'm single. Itās tough dating, so I like to focus on my work.
Batman (muttering to himself, shaking his head): Let the conversation end there.
Batwoman (cutting to the chase, leaning forward with enthusiasm): The dating pool can be rough! Iām not looking for āthe one,ā just someone who wonāt keep using my Netflix account after we break up.
Batman let out a frustrated groan, burying his face in his hands as he tried to come to terms with the reality of the situation. He knew that Kate's date with Crystal's mom hadn't gone well, but he had no idea she would behave like him when it came to Selina before they got together.
Question (coyly, a knowing smile on her lips): Hm, I can relate. My last girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to break into my apartment and take back the TV she gifted me. I swear, never date anyone from Staten Island.
Batwoman went silent for a moment, a mental "Hallelujah" playing in her head. Batman tapped his fingers impatiently on the white table, his jaw tightening, before clearing his throat again. Batwoman nodded emphatically, a relatable grin on her face.
Batwoman: I totally get it! Especially the part about dating women. I had this crazy ex-
Batman (raising his voice, exasperated, gesturing towards his notes): A man was murdered by stabbing, and his body was left behind a bar! Iād appreciate it if we could all focus on that, Batwoman!
Batwoman, eager to impress Question, leaned in closer, a spark of determination in her eyes.
Batwoman: Of course! Letās team up as a duo.
Batman (correcting her, a hint of sarcasm in his tone): Trio, if anything.
Question (crossing her arms with a relaxed posture): Whatever works for me.
Batman (sighing deeply, rubbing his temples): This is the most frustrating night so far.
pt 1
#batfamily#batfamily chronicles#batman#batfamily shenanigans#bruce wayne#batfamily headcanons#kate kane is the only one who can do this to bruce#kate kane#bruce and kate being siblings#don't you hate it when your lesbian cousin matches your outfit lol#microfiction#flash fiction#batfamily comedy#headcanon batfamily#batfamily microseries#batfamily fanfiction#dc batman#script fic#part of my batfamily microseries#batfamily funny#batfamily fluff#batfamily microfiction#batfamily chronicles microseries#batwoman#part of my batfamily flash fiction#batfamily fic#dc fanfiction#batfamily chronicles flash fiction#batfamily flash fiction
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i think my favorite thing about the admins is how: while it's ambiguous how they exactly got their power, its very clear it corrupts the individual to some extent and turns them into a sort of caricature of themselves over time. yes, power corrupts, but seeing how drastically romeo acts compared to his human form, i do think there could be something going on there.
i'm aware there's some issues with the writing of s2, mainly because they were struggling with bankruptcy at the time, but man... man its crazy...
like xara, prior to the admin stuff, could have been a really nice person who had a hard time interacting with others and expressing her feelings, frequently getting frustrated at things, but had her friends to help her through it. the admin powers could have caused her over-protectiveness and arrogance to go into overdrive, making her less of a "people person" as she mentioned in chapter 3.
fred is a bit of a hard one; we never hear of him directly, because he isn't alive anymore. whenever we do hear of him, he's told through an idealized memory or through a medium where there's a degree of separation. he's the only admin we don't actually see the human version of, and the only time we meet him "in person" is when romeo transformed into him during the final battle in a modified version of their cabin.
fred strikes me as someone who has a hard time talking about how he truly feels, and he does something because he has to and not because he wants to. and someone who frequently frets abotu how someone sees them. i feel like the fact we only see him through a secondary mouth adds to this. he was so secretive at times, that any information he gave out had to be catalogued by his friends so they wouldn't forget.
due to how tired he sounded when he was recording the message meant for xara, it could have been he knew he was walking into his death; but he also knew that there was no other way this could go, and that of all people, he felt like he had to do it.
like again... its bringing out your worst qualities over time. its turning innocent qualities, like wanting to be with your friends all the time, being a little nervous around others, having a hard time interacting with people without getting frustrated, into very selfish qualities. idk its just interesting
#eden mrraps.#mcsm#minecraft story mode#mcsm admins#i hope this makes sense. thank you very much if you understand <333#again i dont think this excuses the writing issues s2 has that can be overlooked to an extent#but its just an interesting thought thats been bouncing around my head recenrtly
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a quick reminder to everyone
I have SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITIES
I am literally disabled because of my learning disabilities, I have faced literal descrimnation because of it.
everytime you call us retarded or a retard you are ACTIVLY upholding the systems in which I am trapped in.
I take more offence in being called a retard than anything due to the literal DECADES of systematic abuse and descrimnation from the medical system, every single government resource, and almost all school alternatives.
fuck you greatly if you use these words against us, I have to live in a country where they hate people like me and would rather us dead than to do literally anything to help people like us.
call us what you will, but I will never call anyone retarded because itās a basic decency reserved for everyone.
Iām a very happy retard, fuck your ableism!
I will happily live and love and learn even if THE LITERAL GOVERNMENT doesnāt want me too.
(yeah being a mid supports autistic with other learning disabilities and disabilities in general that made me unable to attend a school just means I deserve to die. 100% legit I deal with this literally all the time always fuck the Australian government)
so again fuck you all greatly, for using a literal slur against me one that has been used against me since I was a baby.
fuck you all, genuinely.
did I forfeit my rights to be treated as a human being the moment I had a bit of trouble learning things? Because if I did Iād like to break someoneās teeth with a brick.
Edit: the language and lines between what the fuck developmental disabilities and intellectual disability are is confusing as fuck.
I have gotten very confused between the 2 because they are grouped together half the time.
My apologies to everyone for being utterly confused where I fall because it is extremely confusing to figure out, and internationally it varies wildly according to my brief reading.
I did not mean to be mean or anything I just was genuinely going off what Iāve been told most my life lol.
Shout out to my developmentally disabled brethren you are loved
#-pop#activism stuff#disability#Learning disabilities#learning disability#dyslexia#anticapitalism stuff#anarchism stuff#mental health stuff#dysgraphia#adhd#autism#Iām actually somewhat on the intellectually disabled spectrum lol. Not that itās changed my tune (I got other severe devoplmental disorders#I still had to experience insane ableism my entire life and like continue to into my adulthood with no sign of it stopping soon#like genuinely fuck some people. Those are not your words to use#r slur mention#r slur tw#(idk what even counts but man I have so much wrong with me. and like it's not like this shit does not run in my family LOL my bisnonna was-#actually illiterate and had severe learning disabilities lol she was awesome and made a life for herself so again this shit does not stop-#anyone it just sucks because the education system is fucked screw that shit. idk :shrug: I've never actually looked at my medical record-#I actually should because I have a strong feeling I'm diagnosed with some crazy shit that none of my family remembers bc we just have shit-#memory (for my parents it's the trauma ngl. for me it's also the trauma and the ADHD LOL)#so at this point I just have been disabled by fuck do I know there's literally more maladies that run in my family than I can describe. lik#it's not that weird for me specifically to have severe learning disablities and also devoplmental ones it makes sense with what I know.#I was literally a tinny tiny failure to thrive child actually. who could barely eat anything due to severe allergies and more shit!
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finally looked at who won
I feel like I want to puke.
#us elections#presidential election#Kamala#Trump#I say this knowing it might be used against me#I hope someone shows up to assasinate Trump again and if he doesn't die....I hope hits something incontinent and really hurts#I hope the Mexican cartel who said they'd kill him at the begining of his first run steps up#I hope a republican whose seen the light or heck just a crazy person doing it to get attention from a crush does it!#I hope one of the secert service decides to serve their country and take Trump out.#Any hope we'll do anything to help Palestine is even deader now cuz Trump is worst and won't listen#I'm scared for my rights#The amount of dead ladies facing health complications are going to rise#And education is going to get SO much worse#Thoigh the Republicans sabotaging it fkr decades does explain this even more#I hope we find a way to make Trump realize jail was the better option#I so hope jd vances kids bully him at home and his wife never sleeps with him again#I hope the military generals stage a couple#My brain says we can survive this and get this man to jail somehow but my heart is saying they've sabotaged the alternative options
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thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!
#diary#miral of course miral this post as all other posts on my blog is about miral. head in my hands#john torres and his projected insecurities and shitty behavior you will always be infamous.#im so deeply rooted in my headcanons for them i have au's . girl the universe isnt even that well established ?#call me b'elanna torres the way i'm turning miral and john over in my head to figure out what the heck happened#in my head john and miral are like. john voice she's never stuttered in her life she always knows what to do she's very serious strong head#on her shoulders. my kind of woman.#meanwhile miral is like. act first pray on it later was that a mistake? well what is a mistake really this is my path now#and i'll have to see how to handle what has been done. seeing as now it can't be changed shrugs. the honorable thing to do.#i also think they see a lot of their flaws as like-#consequences of their cultures and not like personal flaws which can sometimes be true but also sometimes they are very much flaws in the#person.#miral is a little too sure of herself bordering on arrogance and likes control. john is like ahh klingons and their surefootedness :)#<- a little correct but also very wrong.#john is very like. at his worst a cold shoulder bad at personal confrontation kind of a pushover quick to resent but usually just seems#serious and occasionally quiet . normally social tho! so miral is like. a consequence of his upbringing that can't be changed. i will#take him as he is.#which is a nice sentiment and would normally be applied well unless you are these two specifically.#what happens when its 10 or even just five years later and you're getting tired of the cowardice? what happens when its five years later and#you can't go a day without arguing? what happens then.#did you confuse her arrogance for poise for assertiveness? did you confuse her recklessness with courage? whos wrong her or you?#miral voice is he a fool does he not care? he's content to just stand by? cower?#i think from the klingon pov a man who isn't willing to fight for you and your relationship must be devastatinggggg#not literally of course here but also literally. lol#but yeah what does it do to you when the person you love won't even argue with you anymore just totally pulls away? leaves. head in my hands#who do you think fell first. idk but i know who fell harder! :) <- tears in my eyes#i really like pathways where they made miral like a chatty woman and had her offer to host parties for b'elanna and her friends it was so#sweet i should read it again.#i like her to be a little crazy though <3 :)
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close encounters of the third kind is an objectively good movie, but it feels sorta tragic. and i doubt thet was the intention lol. love the cinematography, love the music score, love the visual effects. that's all fun and good. but where everyone else seems to see a movie full of "wonder", it just makes me feel sad. the movie ends the way it does and it leaves me feeling bummed the fuck out.
#i'm literally eric stoltz in his version of back to the future thinking marty coming home to a changed 'better' family is Tragic and Bleak#it's why flight of the navigator was a cute movie to be as a kid. but the non-goofy parts legit freaked me out lol#like what do you Mean no time passed and now this kid's younger brother is older than him? he missed on years and it's funny but it's Sad#but at least that all works out#close encounters has the 40s pilots and an assortment of other people (young and old) from various time periods walking off that ship#what happens when they try to go home? will their families be there? will they be decades older? will they be dead?#barry's only been gone for a few days and Seems fine and his mom pretty much got him right back so they're good#but there was at least another kid walking off that ship. what about her parents? how long was she gone?? man...#like yeah the dad fucks off to space and leaves his wife and kids behind. even spielberg says he doesnt like that ending anymore#bc odds are- that guy's family is Never gonna see him again. and they'll never know what happened. they'll never be Told what happened#'dad went crazy and went missing' and that's it. that would fuck with you#this movie's like 'yeah aliens! yeah ufos! yeah the unknown! yeah science! yeah mystery! yeah the power of music'#but the people caught in the middle of all this 'wonder' w/out Seeing that 'wonder' for themselves? this would suck. it's bleak.#such a killjoy take on a classic scifi movie but i forgot how much this movie just gives me a sense of dread#it's not how the audience is meant to feel anyway!#close encounters of the third kind#rambles
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one thing i sometimes think about is - how is it possible to get to the highest level of sport and not think that you could, still, break into the next gear and be the best? to relentlessly believe in that improvement? or at the same time - how can you do that, work forever, and believe that you are not/cannot be the best? out of arrogance or personality or belief or what. what lies in the numbers and what lies in possibility and what lies in belief
#then again in any sport I've ever done I'm always ranking myself on my team but I never really believe I could be like.#Unrealisticly better#But I always sort of think. These ppl have a level of competitiveness that I don't#And that makes things possible and impossible in a different way#That being said I do think while running all the time that (although I know my speed limits) I have no idea how far I could make myself go#And it's not like I've done further than a marathon#But like. What's the limit of my BODY when I'm in that kind of shape yknow#Then again I'm not rlly that crazy I've never even vommed while running. Or peed myself. I'm lazy man. Slow and steady#I've dry heaved before but usually then i just have to slow down for a little and it'll pass
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boo hoo sad pity party posting hours LMAO but I rlly truly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again. I don't feel that I will every b desirable or deserving enough, and I don't feel like I will ever even b seen as a guy n idk. I just don't know.
#mayave its imposter syndrome maybe its internalized transphobia but i dont think any gay man would ever date me bc i dont thibk any of them#would thibk of me as a man. idk. maybe this will change once i start like. PHYICALLY transitioning but i rlly feel like theres no hope 4 me#i feel like i will always be thought of as a woman for the rest of my life i feel like i will never pass as anything but a woman i feel like#i dont have any positive qualities i don't like a single thing abt myself i dont thibk im capable of loving someone im so distant w everyone#im so scared of phyically and emotional intimacy i feel like a burden i dont even know how to act like a man and i KNOW that thst isnt a#fucking thing i KNOW theres no right way of being a man i know that logically but still the fact that i grew up isolated from men and#that i rarely interact w them even to this day i have no male friends no male role models nothing im so scared im gonna like.#break social rules n shit which is RIDICULOUS bc once again there's no right way to b a guy or to preform masculinity and also im so early#in my transition no one even knows im a guy anways. but also im worri3d bc of thst no one will ever seen me as one unless i start conforming#to traditional masculinity and i dont know now to emulate it bc ivenonly ever seen it from afar i dont actually know what guys talk about#howbthey act around eachother what is socially acceptable or not i dont have a clue bc i dont ever interact w men and its like. fucking#stupid of me to even want to know bc it shouldn't matter to me BUT IT DOES and it makes me so anxious that i do not know how to emulate it#even if i wanted to i wouldnt know how bc i grew up in a fucking cult and i know so little men and i have terrible social skills n i#probably have autism which just. everything is compounded upon eachother n i feel like im going crazy i dont think ill ever be enough.#I hope i'm in a better mental place when i start t but even that im so fucking bad at doing things bc i have executive dysfunction that like#i havent even started tbe process or called thr clinic im just likem fucking spiraling. I hope my mindset becomes healthier once I start.#anwyss lol. do u guys like me? bc i feel like im unbearable n im trying not to be let me know if u do or not so i can try to cahnge ^.^#šŖ½
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i think having TF2 as a special interest really early in my childhood influenced so many things about myself and my identity.... my gender is big men my sexuality is big men and my sense of humour is big men. i even named myself after the "very tiny and scrawny but still big" big man and i think about all the big men in TF2 on a semi daily basis,,,,,, anyway yeah i like the men in TF2 :)
#tf2#this post is nigh incomprehensible#this is the true effects of autism...... having such a big special interest that it literally influences half of your entire sense of self#i think this is why i feel gender euphoria playing crusty old source games#like i literally feel so connected to TF2 it's crazy#i'm currently listening to a TF2 YTPMV and have it in the corner of my screen and my brain is just going ''ahh... the song of my people''#i look at scout tf2 and i go ''he is just like me!!!''#man's got adhd and likes being an asshole to the other team on the battlefield and if that isn't relatable i don't know what is#i also occasionally play as engineer and i always put my sentries in the most bitchy spots ever#like you're taking a stroll over to the point and you're like ''oop. level 3 sentry that i can't get rid of because the fucker behind it-#-won't stop helicopter parenting it. welp.'' that's my gendar#scout main to engineer main redemption arc to scout main villain arc because my sentries kept exploding pipeline#that made absolutely zero sense.#i usually play on training mode because i'm too shy to play on casual again yet and let me tell you#the amount of times i've yelled at the engineer bots because they just won't build a damn dispenser next to their sentries is insane#like maintaining a sentry would be SO MUCH EASIER if you just built a dispenser nearby. like.#when you play engie you start to not even worry about your health anymore because you're too concerned with your metallic kids to care#it's like ''oh i'm at 2 hp. wow. OH SHIT MY SENTRY GOT HIT ONCE AND LOST A SINGLE BAR OF HP I NEED TO HEAL HIM!!!!! MY SON!!!'#and you never end up dead somehow because dispenser#and when you do die it's like torture looking at the spectating cam and seeing your sentry get shot at and not being there to help it#it's like ''nooo... my son.... please i need to heal my son..... i can't bare to watch''#i should invest in a wrangler.... hmmmm......#anyway this post is... so autism! it's great we love to see it!#autism#i'm very tired yet feel very energised.... i'm having a neurodivergent moment hang on#spy sappin my executive functioning#my brain is literally just 3 scouts and 2 engineers doing do si do with 'erectin a river' blasting really loud at the moment#YIPPEEKIYAHIYAAAAAHYKIYO - my brain when special interest
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sometimes your brain just decides to attack you throughout the day and we'll into the night and all you can really do is lay in your bed and be sad about it without really being able to talk to anyone about it to relieve the pressure because it is 5 in the fucking morning.
#personal#Sometimes you want to be brave and address some concerns that have been weighing heavy on your heart for a long time#But then you realize it's one of the people you wanna talk to's birthday and you can't fuck up their birthday with Heavy Shit#But also it seems like every single time you want to say something they've just gone through some new horrible trauma#And so the timing is never right to have that kind of talk#But then you wouldn't know when the right time is anyway because you don't really talk about anything anymore#Which is precisely the thing you want to talk about actually#And you're not sure if you've done something to piss somebody off or if you're just not relevant to them or if you're being neurotic#And so instead of sleeping when you're so so tired you are driven with insomnia induced by the pounding of your heart#It feels like drowning and I know this feeling cause it's an old feeling I know intimately and it's scary feeling it again#It's the overbearing loneliness I lived with when I was at my absolute worst and the thought of slipping into that is making me panic a bit#I might have tachycardia or something too idk man I think my heart skips every once in a while#Anyway I want to vomit#Actually I want to sleep but it feels like I have to expel some emotional bile in order to do that#I need the elephant to get off my chest#I miss my cat#I feel like I'm going crazy I feel like I'm getting kind of bad
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it's actually very mean that i can't have emojis of my ocs just on my computer. i just think it would be much more convenient for when i have to say the Guys are in my brain but i also have no words..
#just me hi#i'm thinkin#and i mean like standard emoji. mostly bc artstreet dms don't let you put up actual images so i have to resort to detailing actual thoughts#Hfbshfv#//anywho so whenever i'm outside by myself i always get the Strongest urge to just start walking and not stop forever hfvhs#i will just Go#no objective no location. but i will be Moving#i Would do that but in order to get a satisfying amount of distance between me and People i have to walk down the road and mm i am nervous#abt doin that fvhsbh#like country roads... i may not come home.... south virginiaaaa hfbvsfhbsv#plus everyone drives crazy out here. when we moved out here we almost got sideswiped by a funkin fedex truck over a little hill#and of Course it was a fedex truck man. we've Never had a near-accident with Any usps trucks hfbvshvs#oh and also the local mailman drives like a maniac too <3 almost had a head-on collision once which was. neat lmao#like maybe 20 feet from slamming into each other which Is Not Much when you're in a car bfh#/Also people just let their dogs run out wild n crazy and :( i don't think they're properly trained to be letting them do that Aha#rode my bike out once with my brother + two of the neighbor's dogs tried ta jump us it sucked#now we don't go past their driveway so we don't ride out very far#//also hey our driveway is Ridiculous ??? ik we've been living here for like 2 years i'm still not over it lmaoohvf#it's like a 40-45 degree angle this is just silly#and listen i'm barely figuring out how my legs even work again. do you think i'm having a good time up that hill because i'm nOT#though you know what it's fine ! not many people come up our drive bc geez why Would you lmao#except for that one lady that asked for directions and then miiight have gotten lost again immediately after leaving HH#//okay. yea anyway the p1nk space is really in my brain rn hbfhvs#really i don't think i've ever been so interested in a project before this is so cool lol :D#marveling at the fact that anything was able to keep my interest for longer than 5 months Hbsh#//anywhoodle do i'm gonna skedaddle#prolly gonna rerun a couple things in a seccy but ye :33
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me thinking abt how Naryu, a Tong executioner from birth and thus Mephala adherent, has love and violence closely entwined all the way down to even the concept of parenthood as the Tong makes sure to frame even business relationships like teacher and student as parental (not to mention how her position, as most definitely is pretty standard, is an inheritance from her father) or between Tong members as familial by calling a few ranks words like ābrotherā and āsisterā, and how for Naryu as a Mephala adherent sex and violence are explicitly connected and sex is often simply a tool through which to conduct violence, and how a close relationship with an outside party like the Vestige, romantic or otherwise gives her a snapshot of a life without the blood that she never got the choice to have even if she otherwise doesnāt regret who she is:
#naryu tag#Bug Squad tag#long post#rewording of an earlier post essentially but#I have. literally never gotten over this aspect of her characterization. like I don't often wish I could experience media over again#but I wish I could re-experience Naryu's storyline again as if I didn't know it bc jesus god the dichotomy between#her being a willing murderer who *wants* this life and *knows* what she has given up to do so but still *wants* that softer side is so.#I'm fully willing to square up w/ TES writers behind a dumpster bc there is Some Bullshit and I'm fully willing to admit that maybe#I go a little stir-crazy shitwild when I write Naryu but like. man. m a n.#idk. there's really smth to how they didn't go the route of 'Naryu doesn't want to be Tong' when they gave her domestic yearning.#she's a political murderer who genuinely enjoys her job but *also* wants these things and that wanting doesn't lessen her in the least#she's a murderer who enjoys the violence somewhat but she's also overprotective and motherly and secretly softer than she wants to admit.#maybe I read into it too much but it's genuinely super engaging and great writing.#saint.txt
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Don't you ever let anyone tell you that it is too late to switch jobs/careers. Not ever.
Found a job at 18 & stuck with it? Cool.
Wanna change things up every 5 years? Do it.
Wanna start in a new field after devoting 20+ years to a single company? It's never too late!
We only have one dang life on this planet, if you wanna go wild and test all kinds of jobs out & find something your passionate about at 28,39,52? DO IT!
#inspired by personal life stuff lol can you tell#I get looked at SO FUNNY SO OFTEN when I tell new coworkers that I'm 28#glad that you found aomething early on and stuck with it but that's not a universal experience!#I worked as a tour guide for historical places & in customer service since I was 16#and guess what. I'm just not passionate about it anymore. it bores me to death. I just want something new#I'm trying to find a job that's fun again. sue me for not wanting to be miserable at my job. like I see so many others#why is it so weird for people if you wanna change things up every 10 years?? i legit don't get it#I do understand that you stay bc of better pay and rank in your work field but if it's just not fun anymore? why torture yourself?#I know I'm gonna fall down to a ''starter's paycheck'' again. I know that for some that sounds crazy#but it's so worth it if you like what you do again. isn't it?#I test-trial-worked at a dentist's yesterday & the girl showing me around & teaching me stuff was 19#which my sister commented on as 'being embarrassing'. why. why are we pushed so hard into 'one career until you keel over'?#that shit makes me so tired man#I'll probably never be able to stay at a job for more than 10 years cause I'll just get fed up with it & need something new#so what?#woodenelaramble
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