#it was cool :D I’ve been wanting to write a fic about this for months so it’s nice to finally sit down and Do It

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

I could not write in my usual writing place tonight. Well alsgaksgakgs I could but I really didn’t want to. WHY YOU ASK? I will tell the tale in tags. It is truly dreadful.

I still managed to write though!! About EXCITING THINGS YES YES!!!

[becauseplot]

hi hello :)

so i just reread ‘miss me?,’ which first of all, love it, it’s on my kindle so i don’t think i originally commented which is a shame. i love properly scary cell, but also this glimpse into the beginning of him trying to figure out how to actually live. the only tool he really knows is fear so that’s what he’s using on felps, but he just doesn’t have the same power in the outside world and if he just goes around threatening/murdering people he’ll just get tracked down. Cell’s scary, but felps has food and shelter and stability and isn’t a wanted criminal and probably /could/ get him arrested, even if he got killed in the process. interesting dynamic.

and poor felps, man doesn’t deserve this, but it’s rather hilarious to me that his worst nightmare shows up and… wants to crash on his couch. and according to the end notes, this keeps happening? i want to see how this evolves, because if cellbit has to keep coming back for handouts (which i imagine doesn’t gel well with his ingrained need to be self-sufficient against the world) he really can’t be great at figuring out Society. he needs felps, who has a foothold in regular life.

eventually the terror has to wear off and it’s just ‘you again? can’t you get a job or something?’ situation where Done With This felps teaches his roommate who grew up in the murderwoods How To Person. how to make a purchase at the grocery store without murdering (or threatening to murder) the cashier. what ‘hobbies’ are. cellbit discovers gravity falls and spends a week on the couch enraptured. felps is not delighted with this situation by any means but they’re kind of stuck together now.

i’ve been following your posts about the little dagger au and i’m excited you have ideas about how to fit it together! it’s really cool and makes me have thoughts (as you can see)

and the reason i started this ask, which got out of hand, was the interesting death mechanics in ‘miss me?’. i really like the Void and uncertain respawn mechanics, and wondered if you could elaborate some on how it works in your head? did the same mechanics apply in the hunger games (i think so, since cell said he’d ‘climbed his way out of the Void more times than you can imagine) and does this mean that players leave their bodies behind as well as get new ones on respawn? (again i think so, because cannibalism. really my questions aren’t very specific, but i think it’s cool and if you want to talk about it i’d like to hear it)

Aaaaaa Saga hello!! o/ I’m so glad you liked Miss Me? it was incredibly fun to write! Love writing a character who is just plain scary and evil heheheh >:)

But yeah!! The fic was based off the premise “hey what if Cell showed up at Felps’ apartment and instead of stabbing him just wanted to crash on his couch” because I thought it was really fucking funny and I ran w it. So it’s supposed to be a scary situation, yes, but also kind of hysterical? And ridiculous? Like, Felps gets into a petty shouting match about the meaning of the phrase “fuck off” with the same guy who gutted him a month ago and blackmailed him for ages. And then the guy—who is just an utter dick, by the way—basically mugs him at knifepoint and demands to crash on his couch. And he gets mud all over the fucking cushions.* Like what? The fuck??

*Fun detail! The reason Cell sleeps with his boots on is because he has to be ready to run at the drop of a hat! It's a habit he picked up on in The War, as you can see in Hunting Lessons, where it's mentioned that he (Dagger) still has his boots on when he wakes up! A signifier of Cell finally feeling genuinely comfortable, safe, and at-ease with Felps is the first time he takes his boots off when dropping in for one of his "visits" :D

"eventually the terror has to wear off and it’s just ‘you again? can’t you get a job or something?’ situation where Done With This felps teaches his roommate who grew up in the murderwoods How To Person." YEP BASICALLY LMAO. No but that's exactly it, that's basically the plot from that point onward.

Also the Gravity Falls thing,,, idk if we're just on the same wavelength or you saw me going batshit in the tags on that one post about cc!Cellbit's Bill Cypher tattoo but yeah. He basically gets personhood via multiple visits to Felps. See if he really had to, Cell could do this entirely on his own. But---and he'll never admit it---he got used to having Felps around in the prison. He got used to the company (even if it was under duress) and now he misses his "old friend."

And Felps? Yeah I didn't get to explore this in Miss Me? but in this AU, Felps was not very popular with the other guards. He was younger than most of them, they saw him as one of the more "spineless, naive" ones working there (and perhaps they were right?). Though he would talk to some people on his breaks, the person he ended up spending more time with, for better or worse (definitely worse), was Cell. And Cell knew/knows this. So Cell is like, "yeah we spend enough time with each other, that basically means we're friends right?"

And then in the years post-Fuga Cell actually starts to mellow out and put effort into trying to be kind (through Felps' guidance) because eventually he...doesn't actually want to see Felps hurting. And it's...been a long, long time since he's actually genuinely cared about someone (which is terrifying, btw). He almost forgot what it really means to have a friend. And Felps recognizes that there are just straight up gaps in Cell's understanding of the world and society and is...honestly kind of intrigued? And it's wild to see Cell be passionate about something so normal and in a non-murderous way. And hey, they're kind of stuck in this stalemate situation, and Felps COULD call the cops but he's really not a rock-the-boat kind of person, he's just trying to keep his head down, so might as well make the most of it.

(I actually kind of started poking at a Miss Me? continuation where Felps and Cell are juuuust about at that "you again? can't you get a job or something?" stage. It's also the first day Cell is introduced to Gravity Falls. There are more thoughts about how this continues but that's a whole other post and fdhjsk I'm getting distracted.)

Anyway onto the main event: RESPAWN MECHANICS!!!!!!!! You have NO fucking idea how overjoyed I was when you asked me about those. Alright here we fucking go.

So to be clear, these respawn mechanics apply to the Little Dagger AU and Miss Me? because, well, they're the same universe. I was trying to find a balance between a) honoring the respawn mechanics of Minecraft, b) lining up with what we've seen of respawn mechanics in qsmp, and c) making death meaningful/damning/dangerous enough to still make the time Cellbit/Dagger spent in The War terrifying.

So how it works is this: when you die, your soul gets sent to the Void. In the Void, you have to make a choice: respawn, or be consumed by the Void / wake up from the Long Dream / rejoin the Source Code / respawn in the next World / whatever you believe in. (The "choice" aspect is meant to reflect the "Respawn / Title Screen" options for the death screen in Minecraft.) You have to want to go back, to try again, and then you have to fight for it. It's a test of will.

So there's different ways of dying and being killed. You can never be 100% sure that someone you kill is going to perma-die (permanently die). There are ways to try to ensure it, like a) what Cell does (horrible, terrifying deaths that makes people afraid to come back, thus they fail the Void's will-check), or b) spawn-trapping / deaths in rapid succession, which wears down the individual's will until they eventually break. Thus, perma-killers are honestly more terrifying than your run-of-the-mill murderers, since they've developed techniques to not just kill people, but break people. (In this world, there is a difference between telling someone, "I'm gonna kill you," and "I'm gonna kill you dead." The latter implies you will break them.)

NOW. Sliiiight caveat: the strength of the Void's pull varies across the globe. In most regions/servers (like Brazil) the Void is "normal": a simple will check.

In other regions, however, it's different. The server where Dagger fights in The War has a VERY powerful Void, so much so that if you're killed, you're basically perma-dead without aid from an Admin. And even with Admin intervention, it's not 100% guaranteed you'll come back, as you still have to pass the will-check. Your chances are just exponentially higher.

(Btw I haven't mentioned this anywhere but The War in Little Dagger AU isn't an actual war, it's an unethical, war-themed, televised hunger-games-ish tournament that has an audience of people who place bets on the "soldiers" (players). Sponsored players (players with big-spenders officially supporting them) get perks and respawn privileges from the Admins. The perma-death nature of The War is part of its audience/hardcore-pvper appeal: a true survival-of-the-fittest challenge! Dagger is a...special case of a special case, let's say, but bottom line is that he's not sponsored and does not have respawn privileges. If he dies, he dies.)

The other end of the spectrum is 2b2t, where the Void is exceptionally weak. This might seem like a good thing but uh. That just means that spawn-trapping people is kinda a big deal. In a server with a "normal" Void, if someone spawn-traps you, you'll probably break and perma-die within an hour. In 2b2t, if someone spawn-traps you, it could be anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks before you finally perma-die and escape the torture of dying over, and over, and over. And trust me, the people in 2b2t have gotten good at finding ways to extend that threshold to months.

Also, death is traumatic! Even if you have to respawn, you can develop a host of mental health issues (the main one being PTSD), and respawning isn't a painless process that leaves you unscathed. Scars remain, and phantom pains are very common, especially in violent deaths. Some illnesses/injuries carry on through a respawn, too.

Anyway, yeah! Respawn mechanics!!! Summary is: when you die, to respawn, you have to want to come back. If anything is keeping you from wanting to come back, you may be consumed by the Void. Some servers have a stronger/weaker Void than others, thus making respawning harder/easier.

[wesslan]

20 questions for writers

thank you @adelfie for the tag<3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18! (and one hidden). i did not think it was that many??? thought it was 10 tops, lol

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

272,860

3. What fandoms do you write for?

batman, used to write some dsmp, but now im kinda eeh about it. i also (for some godforsaken reason) have a harry potter WIP thats been sitting in my docs for like two years that i kinda wanna finish, kinda not (jk r*wling suck my dick challenge)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

cards on the table

when in gotham: don’t drink the water

robin radio

o bury me not on the lone prairie

and their dreams they dreamed awake

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try!!!! the number overwhelms me sometimes, but i try to answer when i have the energy! :,)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh god, i mean… i pretty much only write happy/hopeful endings🤠 mayyyybe ‘you have (1) new message’? its not all the way angsty but it’s kind of?? angsty??

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

gee whizz buddy see above and take your pick, really

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i have gotten one (1) hate comment and i treasured it dearly until the person that posted it deleted it😭 other than that, nawt really. some people give unsolicited advice/critique, but thats about it

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope. not really my thing

10. Do you write crossovers?

again, not really my thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of! sure hope it stays that way

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yesss!!! so cool! they asked permission, and now my fic exists in a whole other language!!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, and i think i’d be really awful at it. i cant say no to stuff, i cant keep deadlines, and i dont enjoy people being in the kitchen when i cook, so to speak

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

BAYBEY!! you KNOW i was a klance shipper first and a human second when i was like? 14? now tho? i’m shipping myself with sixteen hours of sleep and financial freedom. but also, deep in my heart,,,, charlie and carlisle from twilight. you could have been so beautiful.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

man at this point, who knows what i’ll finish. maybe instant repeater ‘99. i LOVE the concept and the world building. but also i kinda left the fandom,,,

16. What are your writing strengths?

people (including my interactive storytelling teacher) have told me im good at writing distinct characters/realistic dialogue! so i guess that! :,D

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

CONSISTENCY. finishing things. ending up hating what i’ve written like 3 months after it’s done.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

well,,, that’s what i always do. english is another language to me! cop out answer, lmao. but other than that, i guess i could be persuaded to write a few lines in spanish here and there. did study it for 7 years, after all.

overall, i thinks it pretty cool! as long as there is an ez translation somewhere, easy to understand without a translation, or if it’s not done in a way that bi/multilinguals absolutely would not speak B)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh god. percy jackson. it’s still out there somewhere. i forgot my username and password so i’ll prolly never find it (thank god) but yeah. it was solangelo bc i was closeted and emo.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

probably ‘mothman is real and he wants to kill me’. i had a lot of fun with it! i also really like ‘*cocks gun* manor’s haunted’ just because i based it off of the haunting of hill house which is like, one of the best books ever.

that was fun!!! thanks again for the tag! <3 i’m tagging whoever wants to do this, and also (no pressure) @quotidian-oblivion

puss å kram, skumbanan!!❤️

[alixlives]

going into the new year, i want to appreciate some of my mutuals/friends.

everyone on this list means so much to me even if i havent properly expressed it. i love you guys so much & im so grateful to go into the new year with you all. (Know that even if you’re not on this list, you’re still so incredibly important to me/gen. I love all of my mutuals & im so happy to go into 2024 with y’all<3)

@wilbyscoot - I don’t even know where to start with you/pos. You’re my brother, my best friend, you really do mean a lot to me. I’m so grateful to be your friend, honestly. You’re so fun to talk to, i love messing with you/aff and despite whatever protest i may say i love when you do it back, I find the banter really fun and I always laugh and have such a wide smile on my face. You’re so sweet & one of the nicest people I’ve ever known. I love you so much<3 /p

@totallynotbat Bat you honestly really do mean a lot to me. You’re one of my closest friends and I love talking with you. I love playing roblox with you, especially when I’m kicking your ass in flee the facility^^ /j You’re honestly just such a fun person to be around, you are very sweet and such a kind person. I love you :D /p

@sketchingtothemoon I know I don’t really express it a lot but I’m so grateful to be your friend. You’re so supportive, kind, and you’re always there to simply just listen. Talking with you is always fun, I’m always smiling during it even if it doesn’t really seem like it. You’re an amazing friend and you’re like a sister to me. I love you ^^ /p

@coolbananas143 AMANDA !! I really love talking with you!! You’re very funny and so cool, a little intimidating/hj but nonetheless i really love every moment that I have talking with you. You’re like an older sibling to me and you’re an absolutely amazing friend/gen. I love you!!/p

@mochamuff1n MOCHA!!!! You are such a SILLY GUY/POS i love talking to you!! You’re an amazing friend and i dont know why you are intimidated by me but its okay cause i am intimidated by you too /pos You’re so cool and im so happy that I’m friends with you and that I get to go into the new year with you. I love u silly man!!/p

@boardmanpanic I still find it so hilarious how we both suspected that we’re in the community (and that i was right about you after months of suspicion/hj.) You’re a really cool person and i love talking with you!! You are also very funny. How do you do that/j And of course, im really grateful to go into the new year with you !!!!/gen

@snake-anon By far my fav anon I’ve ever had. You are so silly and so supportive of my writings and I’m so thankful for that. I would honestly love to talk with you more, you’re genuinely really cool and definitely a great friend^^

@orphicrublee you are so SWEET HOLY FUCK/gen . You’re one of the kindest people I know i swear, and you’re always like the first to reblog & support my fics when I post them and thank u so much for that😭🫶 I’m really happy to know you & thank you for just being you !!

@radio-to-trenchcoat-demons AAAAH. You are seriously so fuckinf nice🥹/pos You’ve always been really supportive & nice about me being in the community and i was seriously so happy to answer your questions about it & introduce you to it. You’re really fun to talk to and i’m so glad to go into 2024 with you!!^^

@hyper-raccoon23 man what a silly guy you are/pos You’re very cool and i’m so happy to know u!! You’re very sweet and you seem like such a fun person, i’d love to talk with you more :D I’m very thankful for your support on my fics of course, thank you so much. I hope 2024 treats u well ^^

I hope 2024 treats all of you well. I love you all so much, thank you for being such amazing people. Happy New Year! 🫶❤️

[weywookitswestwood]

CW life update/animal d*ath

Hi guys, it’s been a hot second since I’ve posted. Sorry I haven’t been very active lately, I’ve been sorting out some personal things as life has been stressful.

As of June 10th, I had to put down my sweet chunky ginger boy, my cat Newton. He was sick for the past month and a half. He was a real trooper though, he had a prognosis of a few days and yet he surpassed that, but it was time to help him cross the rainbow bridge. That being said, he had a happy life and almost reached his 15th birthday to which I find solace in that. I still miss him a lot though, it’s weird that he isn’t around anymore. I had him since I was 10 and he was with me through my teens and early adulthood. He was my best friend. I love him and my other cat like they were my little brothers and as bad as it might sound, I love them more than half of my relatives. It’s sad to say that my cats have shown more compassion to me than the general public.

On the plus side, I have been able to switch to a new therapist. It’s only once every other week, but I don’t have to pay for anything because of my insurance and sessions are an hour instead of 45 minutes. So yay for that.

One more thing I wanna add. As much as don’t want to do this, I’ve decided to put SeF on an indefinite hiatus. For those who don’t know SeF is my La Squadra fic that I’ve been writing since 2021 and it was my whole passion for the longest time, but due to personal stress and burnout I’ve decided to swallow my pride and just move away from it for the time being. I would love to finish in the future, really I do, I pretty much have thought out the whole entire story through and through. But at this point, I want to go back to writing other things I’m passionate about, more original things. I’m so sorry for those who stayed tuned to reading SeF, please know you all have my utmost gratitude for taking the time to read it.

That’s really it for now. I hope to post more and interact with some of you cool cats again. I still love JJBA and would love to talk about my favorite characters from it, I’m just working on my mental health as of now and trying to stay positive as best to my ability. Anything I find remotely negative or would put me in a bad headspace will be promptly blocked.

Until next time, K.O. out.

[capitalisticveins]

There's this question that's been bugging me for a while. How would one go about writing Honey and Guy angst? I can't picture a angsty scenario with those two. The only thing close to angst i can imagine with them is hurt/comfort.

(definitely asking for no reason! It's not like I would want to write a fic about them. Absolutely not! You're crazy!!!)

I’ve been wanting to write angst for them for like a month now, but my laptop charger hasn’t come in so I can’t write at all, HOWEVER I do have a scenario in my head.

I’ve said this scenario before but incase no one saw it, I hc Honey as the type to go crazy in high school or college. Straight A student, never late to class, honor roll, varsity team, scholarship stuff. I hc Guy as the type to literally be okay with a D-. If it’s not a F hes cool. Best class was English, it was a miracle he graduated on time.

See where I’m going with this? With Honey studying for finals and taking so much shit seriously, Guy would be bored. They usually hang out before or after classes, or even text, but Honey brushed all that off for studying. SO Guy would do what Guy does best and distract them until they’re convinced to hang out with him. Great plan, right? Nothing going wrong? Yeah that’s what they said abt the submarine.

Plan backfires, Honey gets pissy with Guy not taking finals seriously. They get angry that he keeps insisting on “just winging it” with something so important. The stress mixed with annoyance becomes frustration and they say some things they didn’t mean and they wish they could take back to this day.

Guy is in shock and can’t find anything to say back so he silently leaves after their tangent and rant, with Honey realizing what they said to him and trying to apologize, key word: trying. They’re not used to saying sorry or having a long-term friend, so they don’t know how, and just leave him alone.

I’m not sure how I’d end it, I’d probably leave it on a cliffhanger for shits and giggles before releasing a comfort part 2 a week later.

Also this would be before Guy confessed to liking Honey, so probably them in High School if they knew each other then?

[anonymous-dentist]

happy new year! i only recently started following you this year due to the qsmp and spiderbit but i wanted to express my gratitude towards you :)

your fics and aus and your general posts are smth i look forward to daily! i love your takes on the lore and characters, i find them so insightful, and it’s cool to see someone who loves qroier and qcellbit as much as i do.

i hope 2024 brings you even more exciting and fun opportunities and possibilities. and that you continue to have fun doing what you’re doing, whether it be writing spiderbit, making theories, learning languages or dnd! you deserve only the best! thank you for being so cool :D

I’m surprised by how much I like qCellbit and qRoier considering I went into the series only recognizing Vegetta and Rubius and Luzu from the non-English content pov (Quackity too, but he’s special.) Like, I’d seen all of Karmaland V live, but I didn’t exactly go into this series expecting to be attached to anyone’s characters but Charlie’s and Foolish’s. But then I started watching Roier because I got him confused with Mariana, and then a month later I started watching Cellbit on the day of the chainsaw torture stream because I thought he was hot. That’s the literal reason why.

And now the only English pov I even semiregularly watch is Foolish because I’ve been watching him since 2021 (fun fact, I used to write my papers and even sometimes fall asleep watching his streams, and he was there in the background for a week straight while I had Covid last year and was stuck in bed before and after my first museum opening)

I didn’t expect this at all, but I’m super happy about it because these characters are SO COOL and it’s actually incredible to see a mature romantic stable queer relationship in Minecraft rp and stuff. I don’t watch a ton of Minecraft series, let alone rp, but it’s just so cool

Also? The ccs are hilarious. Love them

[justbonusstagethings]

feel free to delete this if you’re not comfortable answering, but what’s both of the mods’ take on joelphil? both just in general as a fanon ship and relative to canon. (what i mean by that is, even though its a fanon ship, do you think they actually could have worked out if it were hypothetically canon despite joel’s pattern of behavior when it comes to romantic relationships. like. do you think theyd be different towards phil because he’s phil? more importantly, do you think phil would even have romantic feelings for joel in any capacity?)

sorry if this doesn’t make any sense snsbbdbxxbababzvzvx. also when i start psych 101 next month im thinking about doing a joel psych analysis video (/hj but that would be cool)

mod kitty: oh my gosh first of all i’m so sorry that this response is so late fjdkasjfk we went on a trip and then i started work again after some time away so i forgor

second of all this totally makes sense!! if you ever made an analysis video we would love to see it lol joking or not. and to answer your question! personally i love joelphil (or as we like to call it... jophi :D) in fanon because i always thought of them as having that kinda dante/randal from clerks relationship and used to write little fics for them that never got finished...

i drew a lot of what i wrote from the sorta vibe high score gave off i think, where they were just two friends trying to make art together. i loved exploring it even though i see it as complicated and not necessarily working out. i always saw joel and phil as really caring about each other as friends even if it didn’t necessarily come across that way in canon due to the situations they got into, and i could see that potentially translating into a relationship on both their ends. i wrote a lot about how i thought phil would definitely struggle with their upbringing/catholic guilt/internalized bs, but that joel would maybe have an easier time with it/with understanding his own identity (espec now that we see julie!)

all this to say that all of the activity in the bs fandom has made me want to revisit the unfinished stuff ToT thanks for your patience! c:

mod azka: hey, thanks so much for the ask! this brings me back to one of my first reactions to joel and phil’s relationship in canon, when i came to mod kitty (who introduced me to the webtoon) and i said to her, “do they even actually like each other?” i’ve had enough time now to sit with their dynamic and process it through my own fanon preferences, and even though that isn’t quite where i land anymore—since it’s been about 9 years—i do admittedly still have some misgivings about the ship. and not just because of the reasons i listed before about joel not being ready for a romantic relationship… it goes both ways, after all.

i do think they’re good for each other, and i can appreciate their relationship for what it is in the long term. but i suppose jophi just isn’t my cup of tea, and i really prefer them as friends. ^^; that’s not to say i can’t see the ship’s merits, though. i just think you’d have to bend canon too much to make it work in a way that would satisfy me.

[franstastic-ideas]

Lmao, that was a joke!! Because I was vibing with you so much I called you a mutual, but then followed up with clarifying that I just found your blog. Interesting! I may need to look into this LA fic 👀

Also felt. Re: special bond for reasons, but it’ll get a bit wordy if I explained it. And FELT she should’ve been up there if you played as Lyra, or my personal ideal: you can’t see the figure on Mt Silver bc they’re covered by fog, and a text option pops up going “There’s a blurry figure. It looks like a girl/boy.” So that way you can choose!! Without needing to play the whole game as one gender, AND they had the animation quality to do it and make the fog clear up if they could animate the Legendary summoning. And these text options they’ve been doing since Gen 1 such a missed opportunity :( oh well, she’s canon in my heart and the insane AU fic series I’ve been building for years. If you want to talk my ear off about your own AU, I’d be willing to listen through posts on your blog or DMs (at a later date tho, headaches and exams kicking my butt rn)

HELLO??? VoloKari and no ship name. Wild, Wieldershipping sounds about right! Man, pairs so rare you gotta name them yourself, an age old fandom battle for sure. I accidentally stumbled upon a Leaf x Leon aroace soulmate fic on Ao3 and walked out of there going…huh. Leon’s about 20 in canon right. They say he held the title for a decade. Kids start at age 10. If I’m making 6 years pass since S1 of the anime, and Leaf’s older than Ash then technically…I have zero ideas for a ship name but man it sure is funny to think about in a Dad Lance context where he’s all “hey look, here’s someone like you who won the Championship young!” And Leaf just sees a weird goof with tacky fashion. Until she finds out he has “I’m too strong angst” in the way Red did. Who ran off to an ice mountain for three years. Then nothing is funny anymore. And everything with Rose. AND he has a little brother. That’s great because Lance is a father of two with Silver(? maybe in the non-anime centered fic) as well. Relatable. Younger siblings becoming the Chosen Ones all the time sure is wild huh? (Technically Ash unless if I bring in side-media) and it’s just plain funny to hear how annoyed Lance gets at her complimenting Leon’s cape as a joke but calling his an oversized bib on the wrong side and whatever else. Silly dragon man wannabe superhero Dracula looking- lmao. I noticed you have a love triangle with Leaf, Green, and Brock. Totally valid :D it’s cool co-existing with everyone and their different takes. I personally write Leaf and Brock’s relationship like the one between a law student and a med student.

“Jumping the Sharpedo, Packed like Wishiwashi, Bullying a Dragon-Type” lmaoo these are so good, and such good descriptions. But my favorite HAS to be the one about The Renegade. Oh that is incredible. It’s been fun talking with you :D

My LA fic is currently in progress, but I'll be posting it on my sideblog 'sweet-hearts-and-destiny-knots'.

'What Once We Were' or WOWW for brevity's sake, takes place post postgame about eight months following The Spear Pillar Incident. After telling Laventon that the two of them would likely never cross paths again, Volo suddenly appears before Akari, on his hands and knees, pleading for her forgiveness with a look in his eye that can only be described as reverence...

Things get weirder before they get better.

It's funny that you mention Leon x Leaf, because I was just telling a friend the other day how I think I'm the only person on the face of the earth who's thought about them as a pair. I envisioned the two of them meeting when Leaf and Green take a trip to Galar together sometime before the events of SwSh, and Leon is quickly smitten.

Leaf is just as silent as her brother, but she's an extrovert and makes friends with ease wherever she goes.

I have no idea what the shipping name for them would even be either. The closest I came was 'KanlarChampionshipping' (Kanto + Galar), but it's kind of misleading because neither of them are Champions later down the line - the current Champion of the Indigo League is probably still Kotone/Lyra or Hibiki/Ethan, not Leaf at the very least, and Leon loses his title by the end of SwSh.

So if anybody has any ideas for what their shipping name could be, I'm open to suggestions!

[mintywolf]

A Long Road Home Author Notes - Page 1

Hello! Going forward I’m going to be attaching author notes here on my personal blog for anyone interested in hearing me ramble about this. :)

For Page 1.

If you’ve been following me for a while you probably know me best from Guardian, my last big comic. (For those who don’t, it’s a graphic novel about Lulu from Final Fantasy X. You can read it here: @guardian-comic) Since finishing work on that in early 2020 I’ve been struggling to get a new project started. I’d had a number of other original and fan projects backburnered but found I had a hard time caring about them. (Or honestly, much of anything, after the plague malaise took over. A lot of things, on both a global and personal scale, happened in 2020 that made art just Hard in a way that it hadn’t been before, a feeling I’ve seen shared by a lot of creatives at the time.)

Then CR Campaign 3 started and I don’t know what it is exactly about Laudna and Imogen but these characters and their relationship have my entire heart. I have not hyperfixated this hard on something in years. As with Guardian the impulse to express all the heart emojis bursting out of the depths of my being in the form of an unwieldy graphic novel came out of nowhere, and the beginnings of it came in a dream. (Although as also with Guardian, the pages that I dreamt for it never actually made it into the comic, haha.) I woke up that morning feeling in my soul that it was Time. 

Fortunately I have the benefit of 10 years of experience this time so rather than just diving headlong into another opus I spent several months planning, outlining, writing the script, and working on character designs. I’ve thought before that if I’d known exactly how big Guardian was going to be at the outset I never would have been able to get started. This time I know. And friends . . . it is another behemoth. D: A few times, watching the script steadily balloon in size, I stopped to think what are you doing, this is insane, this could be a fic and take a fraction of the time, but I have no sense of artistic self-preservation. :D

I’m still scared! I know from having done it before that I can do it again, but it still feels very Big and I’m still working my way back up to the level of artistic productivity I had then. But I’m excited about it in a way I haven’t been about a creative project in a long, long time.

For a long time it didn’t have a title, it was just called “Southern Gothic Meet Cute Prequel Comic??” at the top of the script page. That got shortened to “Southern Gothic,” which fits it both as a ship and a genre, but I decided that was a little too cheeky since it is the ship name (one of them) and also not very indicative as a title. The meaning of the new one will I hope become evident as the story goes on. (I never did change the tumblr url though. It is what it is.)

Yeah so! Here we go. Here’s Imogen, with some curiously bare arms!

It’s implied that Flora is a white horse (when Imogen selects horses for the journey to the Heartmoor Chetney remarks that he thought she’d prefer a white horse, but she says she doesn’t want to replace Flora) and originally I intended to draw her that way but I ended up liking the palomino paint look. (Incidentally my first horse in Breath of the Wild looked like this so it’s kind of nostalgic for me. ;)) She’s still mostly white. She kind of disappears from the scene because it’s a dream. In the narration she always runs away before the storm hits.

I think I over-rendered the backgrounds, haha. But I just got all these cool grass and field brushes just for this! (Available here.) The quilt was also more intricate originally but I didn’t want to drive myself insane trying to keep the pattern the same every time we see it, so I simplified it a little. It’s still cute. Also a recurring staple of my art: cute jammies. :)

Her bedroom is in the attic, which we’ll get a more clear picture of later. I imagine she’d have moved up there to be as far away from the presence of other minds as possible.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

Shadow shakes his head. “You’re doing perfectly. I just don’t want this to be a bad memory for you.” Dreaming Vio startles at the comment. Is this a bad memory? He doesn’t think so, but his definition of ‘bad’ is far from conventional. That’s what months of corruption does to a person, he supposes. Shadow runs his hands down Vio’s waist and hips as the blonde pushes him against the headboard. Vio kisses him deep, almost as if sucking poison from a wound. Shadow’s eye widen as he watches strange patterns appear on his own skin. Dark purple veins run down his arms and neck, almost resembling the complex root system of a tree. They seem to almost be alive, the lines pulsing as Shadow kisses Vio harder. Vio whimpers, but doesn’t let go. The lines transfer from one body to another, tendrils of gloom creeping their way beneath the thin fabric of his blouse. It appears to weaken him further at first, and he loses the energy to kiss Shadow hard. He falls into the other man’s arms, his body jerking around every three seconds as if taking prolonged damage from the direct exposure.

— —

I think one of my favorite things about your writing is how you take so many concepts from other games in the Zelda series (like the gloom or the addition of the Hero’s Shade in this fic specifically) and use the elements given through canon but also add your own twist. I’m mostly curious what inspires you to use those things, and also how much more complex the systems might be than what we get from reading the character’s perspectives. I also just really like this scene and the concept of this fic as a whole; it’s definitely one of my most favorite things I’ve read :D (Also I’ve been meaning to ask if there’s any specific songs you’d tie to scenes in any of your fics or music you listen to while writing in general).

Anyways thank you! Hope you're having a good day!

thank you so much! i always appreciate your comments.

with other zelda things, it’s really kind of connected to my overall experience with the series. loz was an iceberg for me, like i started with botw, got really into it, started watching other people play the other games, read the twilight princess manga, got a wii u to play the oldies, and eventually just kinda randomly picked up the four swords manga almost a year ago. so i already had a lot of love for this series before writing four swords fic, and a lot of thoughts about the games. esp bc it’s not a nostalgia thing for me, i’ve approached zelda as an adult, i think my analysis of and connection to the media has been pretty “deep” or whatever. these stories mean a lot to me, and i’ve always been someone to take stories and their importance in my life seriously. botw in particular was a very healing experience for me at the time that i played it. that game holds a lot of philosophical and emotional meaning to me, and i get why others may not enjoy it, but as someone who has now played the other games, i still think it’s a master piece. my favorite game of all time, honestly, and totk was such a gift. it did so much right for me. it’s been delightful experiencing the series how i have.

i don’t love all of the choices made in terms of story and themes in loz, but there is a LOT to play with in fic. esp bc it’s a reincarnation type series, i don’t give a shit about the timeline, i just want to draw parallels and do clever interesting things. so a lot of the time i’ll have a vague idea of what i want to do with a story, and there will be a way to make connections, if only for my own enjoyment. i’m a strong believer that all art is derivative, but like, if you know the author loves it and is having fun, that only makes it better. it’s hard to pinpoint what i thought of and what was put in my mind by other things in the series, and honestly, i’m totally cool with that :)

i want to tread lightly talking about the gloom and corruption stuff in that specific fic because spoilers buuuuut the core concept of that part was just for it to be vaguely toxic and kinda … yknow… and i liked the idea of gloom/gloom hands being this confused force of harm and affection. honestly this whole fic is just me putting some very personal feelings and experiences on blast, and it’s been exhausting to write. i actually scrapped the final chapter and i’m rewriting it now, for the best!

hmmm i do connect my writing a lot to music but i think (?) you’ve seen my vidow playlist already! for the final chapter i’m doing a little bit of a tone shift and i’ve been listening a ton to the bottoms (movie) soundtrack. going for something more lively and active and cinematic, instead of two people being miserable. inserting a little dark humor too, closer to the og corruption but it’s chill au. while working on earlier chapters of corruption but it’s unchill i associated it with “eyes half open” by cinders, and (TOTK SPOILERS) i listened to the totk memory ost of rauru sealing ganon pretty much the entire time i wrote the chapter where vio kills green. been listening a lot to “pain” by king princess (also in bottoms, that movie is living rent free in my brain rn) while working on the final chapter.

hope this answers your questions! thanks so much for reading <3

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 20: Writing Projects

I went out today and took a walk, had a coffee and pastry, and did some notebook writing. It was pretty nice out, low 60s, warm while walking, cool while sitting when the breeze came up. I’m definitely up too late now, but, anyway. I want to go to sleep.

Here is sort of an overview of my writing projects. I realized today that a very reasonable goal/best realistic case scenario is that this weekend I finish the Jasper/Monty fic (finally) and also chapter 2 of the Daria fic. But I’m still sort of floundering with plans for after that. So I thought I’d go over everything in a very general way and uh see if that’s helpful.

Ficlets:

2 requests: one is a Daria one that I don’t know what to do with or if it even is a request; the other is a SGAU request from literally last year but I haven’t forgotten about it, and want to fill it when I get back to working on that story

July Break Bingo: I’m currently at 10/25 squares complete. It’s a pretty good source for free-write prompts

Current Main Projects:

Jasper/Monty Dual Timeline: I haven’t worked on this in over a month but it literally just has one more scene left; I am SO close.

Daria/Jane College AU: I don’t know how long this will end up being but I’ve planned a little ahead and I’m about halfway through the short chapter 2

WIP List Items on My Mind:

SGAU: I need to get back to working on this. I can’t be in denial about it. I need to return to planning it first, because it’s not in a place to write—maybe I could start making time for this after work?

Miller/Bellamy Road Trip: the pros of this project are that I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I do have a complete outline. I think it’s the closest to being ready to write of all of my WIP list ideas. But the cons are that I think even the first chapter is going to be quite long and I’m not sure I really want to commit to this level of project. I also go back and forth on whether I’m still intrigued or interested in the idea.

Kiss the Ring: this is a one-shot that I like to think will be pretty simple, and which I’m sort of lowkey excited about. I’ve been writing notes for it recently, including today. But I don’t have an outline yet. I’m feeling optimistic about it, and it’s not as big a task as the other two, but it’s not ready to write.

Editing:

talk about timing in times like these: I’ve done the first pass-through. I feel like I should probably do another but it’s hard to bring myself to do it. I still lean toward this being the next thing I post

Mist: I haven’t done any work on this but I think the edits it will get before going up on AO3 will be minimal. Just don’t want to forget

D/J College AU: I’m not going to wait to finish the whole thing to post, rip me. This is old-school fanfic—posted as it’s written. I haven’t done any editing but I do have chapter 1 ready for edits, and chapter 2, as I said, will be short and finished after maybe even only 1 more session.

Jasper/Monty Dual Timeline: the hubris of putting this here lol. But it will be moving into this category soon. I’m not in any hurry to edit or post it but it will enter into the queue.

And finally the drawer fic continues apace. It’s currently at 32,000 words.

[dokiyeom]

DWWW u will see that from now on I'll just pop on ur inbox with random pics or just . rants LMAOOO hihiih do u have maybe dc or twt?? i feel like that would be easier to interact on yk? + i have a little something i wanna show u 🤭 PLS SHARE THEM WITH ME YES!! im such a sucker of ranting about fics & fic ideas with friends istg..

ill try it when I can but i live in a small village so they don't have that here 😞 ill go to the city for uni though so ik ill explore more diff foods since im a big fan of that yk!

mmmm ok ok now ik when to send u an ask 😝 && that's so interesting?? do u still have family there or will u go alone if u move there! tbh france is only cool from a touristic pov 😭 like i could write an essay about how much i hate certain things here it's Awful BUT i do like the museums and more artistic side so yayay OHHH??? HELLO that's so cool i love how u remember only that 🙏🙏 i love tulips they are my fav flowers too 😞💔

TWT THEORIES SAID SO TOO !! that would be a very unique announcement actually ohh :O for my friends 18th bday party another friend lent me a black dress w a v line collar? it was very light and just overall v cute but simple so i might just go for something with the same vibe ngl bit im picky too and i haven't really been able to find clothes i like for a few years rn so it's a bit of a problem 👎

OMG WHAT ALBUMS?????? i want to have the carat bong so bad but ill buy it (for now) if they come here in concert yk & if i can still use v2 for concerts! i hope u soon can get ur carat bong 🙏 omg show me PLS PLS PLS i have one too and i love seeing other people's collections 😞

i have . a lot 😭 rn i have 18 albums with 2 more for my bday...... PREAPRE URSELF. i have aespa girls, astro switch on, atz treasure ep fin all to action, bts love urself answer & proof, enhypen dimension dilemma & manifesto day 1, lsrfm antifragile (I PULLED SAKURA YAYYY), nct dream glitch mode, svt director's cut (THE LUCK I HAD FOR THIS ONE got it WITH PCS for 20€) semicolon & face the sun, skz no easy & christmas evel, tbz maverick, txt minisode blue hour & tcc fight or escape and woodz only lovers left!! for my bday i alr bought enhypen border day carnival + bss second wind hehe 🫶🫶

THAT NEW THEME WOULD BE SO COOL!!! omg tell me when u did it i wanna see it first hihi 💥💥💥

omg i have both !! but tbh i don’t think i’ve logged into discord in months,, but i’ll send u my twt :D AND RIGHT !! i feel like just talking abt ur fic ideas helps a lot w the writing process

oo id rec just making it at home if it’s possible !! i feel like sukiyaki would b a bit pricey at restaurants,, but the ingredients may b a bit inaccessible :0 && agh dw abt timing for asks !! i have an extremely turbulent sleep sched so pls just send them whenever it’s convenient for u :D

&& yesyes i have family there !! but tbh id probably want to move there alone if i could,, && that makes a lot of sense !! is it like the short stay that makes france fun for tourists ? or like general novelty of things wear off over time :0 ALSO HELLO SVT DIRECTORS CUT ?? that’s so cool hello ??? whod u pull :000

and dori,, i’ve unfortunately been collecting¿ buying albums for a while now,,, like i quite literally cannot list them all fjdjshs but i have svt, lsfm, twice, stayc, aespa, nct, txt, enha, ive, nmixx, izone, red velvet, and itzy albums :D i got really lucky w where i live bc there’s an album store nearby,, so sometimes my friends n i go together :D AND YES DEF U WILL B THE FIRST TO SEE THE NEW DOKIYEOM CARRD !!!

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

Restless Reveries for director's cut ask game? And feel free to ask me some- I'd love to ramble!! ~Pinestripe

Link!!

Gosh its been so long since I’ve written that I’ve gotta try to remember stuff now oh gosh-

I don’t actually remember how or why I came up with the idea for this. I started writing it in September, which was… about three months after I started writing DSMP fanfic. I think it was around the time I started getting curious about Tommy’s Exile (I didn’t know much about it then).

Gosh I’m really trying to remember but its been so long-

At the time of writing this, I hadn’t actually gotten to Exile in my DSMP watch-through, so it’s all based entirely on art/random posts/etc… which means that there are some continuity errors XD

For example, Michael and Friend are both mentioned in the story, but in reality, neither of them were even in Dream SMP at that point!! I just didn’t realize that at the time 🫠

It kinda bugs me, honestly. I try to make my stories as canon-compliant as possible, so… gah. Maybe I’ll go back and fix it someday.

Anyway! The rest of this will be incredibly random and scattered-

This was also the very first Ghostbur-centric story I wrote, and I had a lotta fun with that! He’s a very easy character to write :)

I tried to make Tommy as… un-Tommy-like as possible. To the point where it’s painfully obvious that he isn’t doing well; I really wanted to show how much Exile was affecting him.

Gosh I’m kinda wondering why I set this story in Exile because I literally had almost no clue how that arc went lol. I knew that Logstedshire was a thing but I didn’t really know what it was, so I just took a lucky guess and wrote this:

Ghostbur pulls his legs closer to himself, fighting off a shiver. "How has Dream been? Have you two gone on any more adventures together? He's quite the adventurous person, I think. Ooh, maybe you two have built more in Logstedshire? Perhaps a library? I love libraries!"

I sort of had the idea that Logstedshire was built by Tommy, but I wasn’t sure if Ghostbur had helped with that or if Dream had blown it up by this point. I think that I was tentatively leaning towards the idea that Dream had recently destroyed it, but I didn't explicitly say that because I wasn't completely sure if it was true.

SO MUCH OF THIS FIC WAS JUST ME GUESSING!!! LIKE TOMMY LIVING IN A TENT!!! AND HIS EYES LOSING THEIR BLUE COLOR!!! I DIDN’T REALLY KNOW ANY OF THAT I WAS JUST GOING OFF COOL ART I SAW!!!

I gave Ghostbur a satchel for no reason other than I find satchels cool and thought he should have one. Still headcanon that :)

Ghostbur giving Tommy Wilbur’s coat was based off of a bunch of art by a bunch of different artists. As far as I know, it has no canon… evidence I guess? But I think it’s a widely accepted headcanon and I thought it would fit the story nicely.

The title for this fic actually came pretty naturally to me—which is weird, because titles are usually the area I struggle with the most for writing.

At the time of writing this, I was really happy with it… but, as time passed, I found myself liking it less and less. I was seriously considering just not posting it at all.

I’m not sure why I lost interest, to be honest. Maybe it was the style I’d written it in?? I don’t know.

But, on a whim, I decided to just go ahead and post it… and you quickly read it and told me how much you loved it and that it was comforting and that you’d reread it over and over and SKDGSKSVAOGSOSBSIS

I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT RESPONSE!!! PINESTRIPE IT ACTUALLY MEANT THE WORLD!!!

So because of you I started to stop not-liking it XD

Fast forward a couple months, and I’ve now got a bunch of ideas for a multi-chapter continuation—and it’s 100% because of you!!

So yeahhhh that was my extremely rambley ramble about Restless Reveries :D

For you, I’ll do A Protecter :)

[kii-nami]

PLEASE I WILL LITERALLY READ ANYTHING YOU WRITE, YOUR WORDS ARE ALWAYS SO DESCRIPTIVE I CAN SEE THEM CLEARLY ENOUGH TO DRAW

tho i have to be honest i haven’t started the blue lock fics, not bc i don’t know the characters or anime or manga, i mean i dont but i’ve actually added it to my list !! but the fic, its just the 29k,,,,ITS DAUNTING OKAY THATS SO MANY WORDS ;-; i barely read anymore and my reading comprehension sucks cries but i will read it and i will compliment your writing, that i promise 🫡

wait 100 page google doc ?? you put so much work into it !! like it must’ve been fun building this world up but like also props to you, that’s hard work it’s mindblowing !! but yeah, your word is law here, if you tell me the next chapter that albedo is actually a lizard alien from a moon colony that can shapeshift and spit fire, i WILL believe you. i’ll be like ‘yeah that makes sense what a cool character :D’

also your favorite person, naur don’t say that aaaaaaaa thanks for affirming that and allowing me to tag along behind you, i will now confidently clog your inbox :D

please i can't even tell you it's not that big, that thing is monstrous fr. the next fic in that universe is like already 30k words??? idk how that happened but i don't plan on finishing it bc i want to focus on imperium. so don't worry about reading it!! tho i can say i enjoyed writing it a lot hehe

omg yes 100 pages fr. we had being doing the lore for the universe for like 2 months straight and only now got to writing it. at this point it's not genshin it's gainshean made by me lmao. also don't worry albedo is just an artificial human made of chalk, no lizards were harmed during this. although you won't see him for a while again because we will be going back in time 500 years for the first chapter. if you read the voice lines or the character profile you will have a big of a better understanding of mc, plus the love interests are also there ao you can look them up too

also at first i call mc by an actual name because it's plot relevant, so dw it's still a reader insert

[rina-writes]

hello :)) so I was listening to dress (taylor swift) and i couldn't stop thinking about friends to lovers w jack. The lines "pining and desperately waiting // i don't want you like a best friend" and the bridgeeeee omg it will be so perfect😭😭😭 idk if you want to write, I just thought i should share this. Love ur blog sm❤

Thank you for the love ♥  Some of my fave Jack stories on here are friends to lovers.  I kinda wrote it in my fic Reunion, but after listening to Dress on loop, I had to write another version.  Plus, I have been re-watching Jack’s videos from 2018/2019 when he would talk about his high school years so, I’ve been wanting to write a good flashback.  All this to say, I got a little carried away and this is 5k+ words, but at least it’s not 20k this time, right? :D Hope you like it, anon!

Pining in Anticipation

Warnings: Fem!reader, childhoodfriend!reader, light angsty to fluffy, suggestive but no smut, mentions of drug and alcohol use, mutual pinning, long (5k+ words) fic

You bit your lip as you stared at the price tag again, pointing the piece of paper toward the mirror to get a better view. You knew it was a bad idea to try on the dress even though it was out of your price range.  You dismissed the chance that you would even like it on.  After all, every other dress you tried on didn’t fit the way you liked. You just wanted the experience of trying on a dress 3 times the budget you set for yourself in your mind. Just your luck that it would be the perfect look.

You turned in the dress with a bit of difficulty. It was long dragging on the ground. However, it would give you the excuse to wear the heels that you had been saving for a special occasion. With the added height you would be able to have the dress just kiss the floor.  You tried to talk yourself out of other elements of the dress.  Strapless wasn’t usually comfortable, but this fit you like a glove.  You had taken off your bra to get the full effect and nothing showed through despite the cool temperature in the fitting room. The slit was a little high, starting from the top of your thigh to allow for a full leg moment.  You would have to wear pretty small underwear to hide it and walk confidently in order to keep it masqueraded.  But, then you imagined Jack’s face when he saw you walking in.  The breathless, frozen stare you only elicited from him two or three times in your years of friendship.  The one that you strove for more often than you would like to admit.  His blue eyes widened, his lips parted slightly as they curve into a smirk, and his cheeks full from when he smiles a real genuine smile.  

You felt your heart doing backflips.  You took a deep breath and reminded yourself that Jack wasn’t in the room.  You were staring at your reflection in a Bloomingdale’s  fitting room wearing a dress that was way too expensive. You decided to take the dress off.  You couldn’t do this to yourself.  Although you calculated the number of cup noodles and granola bars you could consume as meals in the next month in order to afford this dress, it wasn’t worth it.  Not for just a starry eyed look from Jack.  That was the only thing you were guaranteed, nothing more. You pressed your hand against the ruffled waist, indulging for a moment that it was Jack’s larger pale hand instead.  Oh how he would make you feel small and dainty as he enclosed his arms around you and had his way with you.

You reached back for the zipper.  You struggled, contorting your body in unnatural positions.  This really was a freakum dress. You couldn’t take it off by yourself.  Luckily, you weren’t alone.

“Mom!” You yelled for your mother who was waiting just outside the fitting room.

You could hear her feet shuffling into the area, asking the attendant for permission to enter the space.  She knocked on the door and gasped when she saw you.

“I think I threw out my back.” You half-joked, trying to ignore the sharp pain in your shoulder blade. “Can you help me?”

“Honey, you look stunning!” Your mother said, closing the door behind her. She held your shoulders turning you to the mirror. “This dress was made for you.  Well…it’s a little long, but we could take it to my tailor and take a bit off so that you won’t trip on it.  Oh and those heels you got the other day would add some height…”

“It’s too expensive, Mom.” You stopped her, ignoring the flutters of validation in your stomach. “Now, help me get out of it before I sweat on it too much and they make us pay for it.”

“B-But…” Your mom grabbed the tag and you watched her eyebrows fly up. Her lips formed a flat line.  You realized you were clinging to hope that the dress wouldn’t seem too expensive to her, but that was a pipe dream.

“Come on, I can find something at like Forever 21 or like H&M or somewhere.” You forced a smile. “This was an indulgence just coming into here. It’s so expensive.”

Your mother looked at you sadly for a second before unzipping the dress.  “You’ll look beautiful in anything, sweetheart.  But this dress is wow.  I mean this is Jack’s big-celebration-party-music-video thing…I figured you’d want to go all out.”

You could feel your skin heating up at the acknowledgement of the situation.  No one knew how you felt about Jack.  The years of pining and anticipation for something more than just friendship with Jack was hidden behind quick jokes and talks of memory lane from growing up together.  Only your mother knew how badly you had it for Jack.  One because she was your mother. Two because she was the only person you confided in after the incident.

It was 2017 - one year since you left Louisville to go to college.  You were back in the city for a couple of weeks before you started your internship.  You had a new air of confidence now.  Your college was a big school and you were used to going to parties every weekend with your friends.  You weren’t the most popular girl, but you never left a party without making out with some guy who claimed to have “been waiting for this moment forever.” Your campus persona was so different to the girl next door image you had back home. 

However, you weren’t the only person who fled the city that had come back in the summer.  Jack and the other members of Private Garden were also lurking around.  You didn’t expect to see him since he had just moved to Atlanta. But, you figured it would be a good time to test your new attitude.  The party, as usual, was in Old Louisville.  It was hosted in one of the large Victorian houses that you assumed must permanently smell like beer, weed and teenage regret after years of “bible studies” aka these raging parties that went on until the police showed up in the wee hours of the morning.  However, these parties were core memories of your high school years which meant that you were positive Jack was going to be there too.

You wore one of the usual party outfits at the time: sneakers, crop top, and short-shorts. Not what you would wear these days to an event, but it was the uniform for girls in their late teens at the time. You spotted Jack quickly, towering over his friends.  His hair was long in the front almost covering his eyes but tapered in the back.  He had on thick framed glasses, an oversized sports jersey with a white tee underneath and baggy jeans.  Thinking back on it now, it looked wild.  You would laugh out loud if you saw him in an outfit like today.  At the time, he looked so hot.  You casually made your way through the crowd, taking the lead of one of your best friends who was also on the prowl.  As you weaved through bodies, you lost sight of Jack, only to find him at your side.

“Y/n,” Jack yelled, but it sounded natural over the loud music.  “Long time no see.”

“Jack!” You yelled back, hugging him. He wrapped his arms around, pressing his cheek on the top of your head. Despite it being hot and sticky, you relished in the attention.

“You look good.” Jack remarked, breaking the hug to look you up and down.  “College seems to be treating you well.”

“You too.  Are you signed yet?” You asked.

Jack tossed his head from side to side. He had that smile that told you he wanted to say more, but couldn’t.  “It’s in the works. I can’t speak on it yet. But stuff is cooking, don’t worry.”

“I’m happy for you, Jack.” You grinned at him. “I really am.”

“Do you have a drink?” Jack asked, raising his cup toward you.

You shook your head and he took your hand to lead you to the drink area.  You tried to remind yourself not to read much into it.  For Jack, this touch was no different from when you were kids playing in his backyard and he would drag you around because your legs wouldn’t keep up.  However, you couldn’t deny the tinge of disappointment when his hand left yours to grab you a drink.  He picked up a hard seltzer and popped it open for you.  You frowned,

“What makes you think I didn’t want a beer?” You questioned.

“This is good, I promise.” Jack confirmed.

You looked at the can. You didn’t recognize the brand as you read it out loud.  “White Claw?  Is this even good? It looks like adult Arizona.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Jack teased. 

You sipped it surprised to find it mildly sweet.  You didn’t think it would get you drunk, but thanks to the shots you pregamed before coming, this gave you a comfortable buzz.  It was enough that you found yourself moving to the dance area with Jack and grinding on him.  You reached your free hand back to grab Jack’s neck, winding your hips on his crotch. You couldn’t see his face, but judging from how he dipped his hips to meet your backside, you figured he was game.  Soon his free hand pressed on your hip. It was the universal signal that you made the right move. One or two songs in, you felt his hand on your hip, slowly trail up your stomach, up the center of your chest and to your neck. He pressed his hand flesh against your neck to bend your head backward.

Jack’s lips met your instantly, his tongue swiftly following to taste you. He tasted like a mix of alcohols: beer, vodka, tequila…probably from taking shot after shot.  You wondered if you tasted like the tequila shots you and your friends did before coming or if it was only the fruity hard seltzer on your tongue. You did your best to keep grinding on him, despite being enraptured by the intensity of the kiss.  You played with the hair at the nape of his neck and felt pleased when you heard a moan fall from his lips. This was a moment you would relive forever.  After a decade of friendship, you were finally kissing him.  He finally wanted you back. You could explode.

After that things get hazy.  You remember you and him were being pulled away by your friends. Someone got into a fight and things were only going to get worse from there.  There was a new spot that everyone was going to, but it was unclear which was the real place and which was just a lame spot someone was trying to hype up.  You remembered going to Qdoba with your friends and throwing it up a couple hours later. But, when you went to bed that night, all you could do was remember Jack’s soft lips and that was all you needed to drift to sleep.

One day passed.  Then two.  Then three.  No text or call from Jack.  You knew he was still in the area.  Whenever Jack was in town, he was the gossip.  Everyone was buzzing about where they saw him and who they saw him with.  You were a wreck.  You did a good job of pretending in front of friends the first day, but by the second day you couldn’t leave your room. Why didn’t he call? Why didn’t he text? You were practically next door neighbors, he could even come over!

In an attempt to get you out of the house, your mother asked you to go to the pharmacy.  You did so begrudgingly, slipping on sweats, a tank top, and a baseball cap for the trip.  As you waited in line, you heard someone call your name.  A pit developed in your stomach as you looked up to see Urban.  His hair was longer than you remembered, but still blonde and majestic as always.  He was high, his aquamarine eyes were a tinge red and in his hands were enough snacks to last a week.

“Hey Urban,” You forced a smile, trying to hide your concern of Jack being close behind.

“Y/n, good to see you.” Urban said, his voice the usual slow timber when he was high.  “Has, uh, Jack reached out to you yet?”

Your cheeks flushed as you shook your head.  Urban sighed, air being blown dramatically through his nose.

“F-cking coward.” He rolled his eyes.  “Jack keeps talking about what happened between you two.  At the party a couple nights ago?”

Your heart started beating faster.  You were hoping the confession would come from Jack himself, but if Urban clued you in on Jack’s feelings you could finally tell Jack how you felt about him. You nodded for him to continue, concealing your smile.

“He’s really sorry, Y/n.  He feels so bad for disrespecting you like that.  Tossing out years of friendship.” Your face dropped as Urban continued.  “Jack really went in this year on trying everything: alcohol, drugs, and any kind of vice really. Yesterday was another day of experimentation and I think he got a little twisted.  I’m sure he’ll apologize to you properly, but I think he’s afraid that you’ll hate him.  That kills him more than anything.”

As you blinked to keep tears falling from your eyes and made the biggest smile you could muster as you shook your head to confirm you weren’t upset, you realized you did hate him. You hated him for getting all the wrong signals.  You hated him for not giving you a chance to be more than a friend.  You hated him for being a coward.

You were saved by being the next person on the line.  You paid for the items and then went back home. You held up a good front up until you put the items on the kitchen table.  Before you could make it to your room, tears were pouring out. Your mother made herself available to listen and that’s how she learned about your feelings for Jack.  Of course, she suspected it.  You two practically grew up together and used to play “marriage.”  Part of her assumed this was just some misunderstanding and she wanted to tell you that you should just tell Jack how you felt. But, she knew that ruining the friendship was much worse than a flighty fling, so she let you cry your heart out without saying a word.

You would’ve hated Jack for longer if he didn’t try to hard to make it up to you.  You were one of  his posse for the rest of the time you were in Louisville that summer.  You traveled around town with him, meeting all the great entertainers in Louisville, and eating at all your favorite spots.  Spending time with him every day made it hard to be mad at him. It also made it hard to squash your feelings for him.  You decided to store the kiss as one of those memories that you kept tucked in your heart and to enjoy your friendship as is.

At least, until moments like this.  As you held the dress to your chest to keep it from falling down, you realized that this was a lot like five years ago.  You were still hoping to make Jack stare at you like that one more time.  In a way, you felt like this was your last chance for some reason.  There was a clock ticking but you weren’t sure who started it.

“Yes!” Your mother yelled excitedly, startling you.

“What?” You turned around.

“There’s a stain.” She pointed to a part of the red fabric that had a dark blue smudge.   “Nothing Wendy, our dry cleaner, can’t get out, but it means that we can negotiate a discount.”

Your eyes lit up, but worry was in your voice, “It’s still going to be expensive.”

“True…” Your mom nodded.  “...but I don’t actually need a new dress.  And your sister is going to wear the suit she wore to prom. And God knows what your brother will wear, we can just hope it’s clean.  So, my money plus your budget money should cover it.”

“Thanks, Mom.” You squealed, using one hand to hold the dress up and the other to grip her in a hug.

“Of course, sweetheart.”  She pulled back and grinned at you. “I know you’ll never say out loud how much this means to you, but...I just want to help.  I know you’re an adult now, but, I couldn’t do anything to help you last time.”

You smiled at her nodding slightly. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, Y/n.”

You entered the venue in awe.  You sometimes forgot that outside of the Victorian homes, there were actual mansions in Louisville.  The ceilings were so high, you couldn’t help but wonder if they hired Spiderman to put up the decorations.  It looked luxurious and exactly like the theme promised: A King’s Ball.  It was for Jack’s new music video and he invited a bunch of people to come into be extras.  His family was there, so naturally your family was invited too.  You and your brother were the same age as Jack and his brother , Clay, respectively.  Your brother played on Clay’s soccer team and the two still hung out from time to time.  Your sister was really just excited to wear the shiny, gold, rhinestone encrusted suit that she wore to prom to match her girlfriend’s dress. She wasn’t close to the Harlows, but enjoyed treats like this.  You could tell her girlfriend was enjoying it too.

You were worried that you were overdressed until you saw the Met Gala level outfits of the other people in attendance.  All the parents that had been cordially invited, yours and Jack’s included, seemed out of place in their cruise ship evening attire.  You were middle the pack in terms of showy-ness, but you looked damn good.  You had done your hair nicely and really took time with your makeup and nails. As you navigated the venue, you realized that the chances of running into Jack were slim.  There were the paid video models up front, and most of the invited guests were on the second floor balcony that over looked the first floor. You swallowed, feeling a bit of regret at buying such an expensive dress only to not be seen in it by the person you bought for.

Still, you enjoyed watching Jack at work.  He had a swagger in his movements that seemed forced in his younger days that was natural now. He was still a flirt, wrapping his arms around different girls and dancing with them suggestively.  This earned disapproving sounds from your mother and you could only smile at her support.  Once the video wrapped up, everyone was invited downstairs for food and mingling.

Much like the house party from a few years ago, you spotted Jack a mile away.  He was wearing an all-white suit that made him look amazing.  In comparison to that night, his curls seemed so much shorter, but it fit his face better. You could really see the sparkle in his blue eyes with this new cut so, you weren’t complaining.  Despite your goal of saying hi to Jack, you found yourself running into old classmates and catching up.  When you were finally alone, you looked around for him, but couldn’t spot him anywhere.  A tiny hope developed that Jack would pop up like he did that first time.  When you felt a tap on your shoulder, a grin spread on your face when your wish came true.

“Jack!” You grinned.

“You look f-cking gorgeous, Y/n.” You couldn’t place the emotion in his voice.  It wasn’t quite shock or amazement.  Much to your dismay, it also wasn’t lust.  But, you could tell him meant it.

You hugged him and Jack hugged you back tightly.  You realized that the events of that previous night were repeating itself.

“You didn’t experiment with a bunch of drugs tonight, right?” You asked him, teasingly.

Jack blushed softly, glancing away before shaking his head. “I was hoping you wouldn’t bring that up. No, I’ve been letting go of that.”

“Body got rid of ‘em toxins?” You asked with a smile.

“Well, I dabble.” Jack grinned, clearly pleased to hear you quoting his lyrics. “But, for the most part I try to stay clean.  And stick to just alcohol when I’m not.”

“Good for you.” You smiled. Something emboldened you and you weren’t quite sure what it was, but you added.  “Too bad though.  I was hoping to test out if you became a better kisser since then.”

Jack’s eyebrows raised. “Are you saying my skills weren’t satisfactory before?”

“I didn’t say that…” You bit your lip, but that did little to conceal your smile. “I just think we can all improve.”

Jack’s eyes looked you up and down as though he was seeing you the first time.  “Is this an invitation?”

Before you could answer, Jack was clapped on the back by someone you didn’t recognize.  You could tell Jack wanted to hear your response, but you smiled politely and walked away.  You turned back to see if he was watching you and he was.  He wasn’t staring per say. They were little glances as he spoke to the other person, clearly trying to see where you would go next.  You continued to work the room, trying to stop your heart from beating faster.   You worried that you blew your chance.  That Jack wouldn’t ask you that question again.

Cursing yourself, you walked to where you assumed the bathroom was.  You opened room after room, but couldn’t find a toilet.  All this decoration and no one bothered to put up a sign to show you where the bathroom was located.

Frustrated at the last failed attempt, you slumped against the wall.  

‘Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry…’ You told yourself.  There was a part of you that felt a bit classy as you were  about to cry in a mansion in expensive dress over a rapstar. How very 2009 Disney Original Movie of you.

“There you are…” You heard someone say as they walked down the hallway.

Jack walked quickly toward you, a mischievous smile on his face.  You stood up, frowning at him.

“I escaped.” He explained, his bright smile lighting up his whole face.  He was still looking behind him every few moments as if worried he was followed.  As he got closer, he saw that you were slumped on the floor, the train of your dress swooped over your exposed your leg.  He must have saw the sadness in your eyes despite you trying to mask it.  “Y/n, what’s wrong?”

“I-I”  Tears welded in your eyes again.  “I can’t find the bathroom.”

A soft smile stretched on Jack’s lips.  He let out a laugh that sounded like one of relief.  He extended his hand to you, helping you up.  “You were almost there.” He assured you.

Jack held your hand to pull you further down the corridor turning right to lead into another one. You were once again reminded of that night a few years ago.  You wondered how much of that you were going to repeat.  A cruel thought also wondered how many times Jack repeated it as well.  Were you not special? 

Three more doors down and there it was, a massive bathroom with a huge Jacuzzi tub and, the feature of honor, the toilet.

“Thank you…” You said, breathlessly, holding up your dress to sprint into the room.  You could hear Jack’s laughter as you ran towards to the toilet, him closing the door for you.  Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you relieved yourself.  When you flushed and got up to wash your hands, you heard Jack’s voice speaking to you through the door.

“Some things about you never change, huh?” Jack’s voice was in a low tone, making it deep and rumble.  “I remember when we were like seven, you started crying in the pool because you had to pee, but couldn’t move.”

You blushed, turning off the water.  You dried your hands and smiled.  “Yeah, I remember.  It was one of those things where if you move an inch, it’s going to rush out.  And there was so much water everywhere and kids kept splashing.” You shuddered before scoffing at another part of the memory. “I remember you told me to just pee right there.”

Jack laughed loudly.  “You looked so horrified.  I remember your little voice.  ‘Is that what y’all were doing this whole time?’ And when all the boys nodded, you started wailing.”  

You could feel your face heating up and felt relieved Jack couldn’t see your flustered expression.  From Jack’s laugh, you could picture him standing there, bent over, laughing between his words as he wiped tears from his eyes.

“My dad had to pick me up and carry me to the locker room.” You shook your head, chuckling.  “But, since he couldn’t get into the woman’s bathroom and I couldn’t walk, he covered my eyes and ran with me hoisted over his head to the nearest stall in the men’s room.  We had to do the same thing on the way out.”

Jack could barely speak through laughs.  His laugh was high pitched and breathy.  Once he started laughing, almost anything you said would keep him going.  His laugh was contagious too.  You found yourself laughing as well at your own expense.  Some things about Jack never changed too.

“Well, thanks for redeeming yourself this time.  And not just telling me to pee in the hallway.” You joked.

“Yeah, I’m not really into that.” Jack teased. “No kink shaming though.”

You opened the door, surprised to see Jack inches away from you. You looked up at him, his blue eyes glossy from his tears of laughter and the humor still in his face. Jack’s gaze didn’t waver nor did he say anything.  You studied his features: his thick brows, his straight nose, his chestnut beard, his defined jaw…anything to avoid looking at his eyes as you hoped he would break the silence.  When he didn’t, you asked a question that had been on your mind for awhile,

“Were you looking for me?” 

“Yes,” Jack admitted, almost as if the answer was obvious.

“Why?” You asked him, furrowing your brows.

“Because, you didn’t answer my question.” Jack smiled when you met his eyes again. “Are you inviting me to kiss you?”

A smile twitched at one corner of your lips, but it wasn’t a happy one. It was accompanied by a sinking feeling  in your gut.  The last time you kissed Jack, he made it sound like it was his biggest regret. What game was he playing?  Was he trying to get rid of you once and for all?

“That depends…” You said, dryly.  “...what’s the catch?”

The grin on Jack’s lips slowly disappeared.  “Catch?”

“Well, last time, I had to hear in a Walgreens that you regretted kissing me from your best friend who was high as a kite.” You hated the bitterness in your voice.  “Then get paraded around like a poster for the friendzone for almost two weeks.  What new hell are you devising this time?”

It was Jack’s turn to furrow his brows.  He was shaking his head slightly as though something you said was untrue. But, as if realizing that those were how the events transpired in your head, he just stared at you blankly.

“Y/n, I didn’t do it to put you through hell.  You’re one of my closest friends and I acted out of turn that night.  I was just trying to rectify the situation.”

“Why did you get to decide how to rectify the situation? You didn’t even ask me what I wanted.”  You felt everything like it was yesterday. The anger, the embarrassment, the feelings you still felt for him. 

“You could have said something too.” Jack retorted.  “We hung out that whole time and you didn’t even bring up the kiss once.  How was I supposed to know that you didn’t regret it?”

You scoffed, looking away for a moment then back at him. “I thought that kiss said enough. That was not a friendly kiss, Jack. It was deep, it was sensual.  It practically screamed, I don’t want you like a best friend.”

Jack���s breath hitched in his throat. His hand reached up to let the back of his fingernails ever so lightly drag across your jaw. You realized that despite standing so close, you hadn’t been touching. Just enough distance between, you on one side of the threshold in the bathroom and him on the other side standing in the hallway, to keep you apart, but clearly still so close.  He was practically whispering,

“That whole time…that whole time we were together, I was so patient.  I kept waiting for you to give me a sign that you liked the kiss…that you liked me like that.  There were so many times I got us alone together, wanting nothing more than to kiss you again.  My hands were shaking holding back from just taking you. Desperately waiting for you to tell me how you felt…”

“Jesus…Jack…” You shook your head before catapulting into him.  You wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him.  

Jack’s arms wrapped around you tightly as he deepened the kiss.  Like last time, it was feverish and lustful.  His tongue entered your mouth immediately to play with yours and it did so with the expertise of an old friend. Unlike before, Jack felt more refined.  His body knew how to mold itself to yours, his tongue more controlled in its pressure, his hands more greedy with what they could hold.  Jack pushed you further into the bathroom so he could step in, using his foot to slam the door.

Jack broke the kiss, cradling your face in his hands.  His expression was unreadable as he looked at you, his eyes lingering on your now swollen lips. He kissed them once before kissing down your jaw and to your neck. There he kissed each spot until he found one that elicited just the right moan from you.  He smiled against your skin as though he found treasure before sucking that spot gently.  You moaned, trying to keep your legs from buckling. Jack held you close to him to keep you still as he gently licked the spot developing on your skin.  You knew it was going to be worse in a couple hours and you were only mildly worried about the explanation to your parents.

“Finally get to make my mark on you…” He whispered into your ear.  “You’re mine now, Y/n.”

A chill went up your spine.  At the sound of your name, everything just stopped.  You looked at him through hooded eyes.

“I want you, Jack.  I wanted you then and I want you now.”  You smiled when you saw the excitement flicker in his blue eyes.

He kissed you again, moving to pull off your dress.  You heard a soft sound fabric tearing and you pulled away quickly.  You looked down to see a slight pull of thread by the slit at the top of your thigh.  “Jack, this is expensive.”

“I’ll buy you one in every damn color.” Jack’s voice was husky as he looked you up and down before pulling you back into him to resume his movements.

“Very very expensive.” You echoed.  Jack groaned, but he could see the seriousness in your eyes.

“Fine take it off then.” He smirked. “I’m more excited by what’s underneath anyway.”

You smiled at him. “I can’t, I need help.”  You turned around so that the zipper was facing him.  “I only bought this dress so you could take it off.”

You heard Jack swear under his breath. One arm wrapped around you, pressing his hand to your waist and you felt another warm hand wrap around you zipper and pull it down.

~

You emerged from the bathroom in a panic.  There was no way people weren’t going to notice the hickey developing on your skin. Jack wasn’t bothered by it, still on cloud nine from the previous activities.

“My dad is going to kill me…” You groaned.

“Nah, he’s gonna kill me.” Jack grinned at you.  He gave a soft kiss to your temple.  “But nothing I can’t handle. I do have to go back and mingle.  Wanna come with?”

“With this giant thing on my neck, no thank you.  Fielding questions from my parents who treat their adult daughter like a child is hard enough.  I don’t need this to be everyone’s newest talking point.”

Jack’s grin didn’t seem to fade.  “Oh, they will talk, baby girl. I told you, you’re mine now and I’m making sure everybody knows that.” 

You blushed, unsure what to say.  You didn’t know what that meant in the grand scheme things.  You decided not to worry about that for right now.  You learned that looking too far ahead was what did you in before.  Instead, you leaned toward him for a kiss and he happily obliged.

“If you’re going to head out early, at least meet me at my place.” He dug into his pocket and handed you his keys, holding up the one for his door. Your eyes were wide, assuming he wasn’t serious. Jack smiled. 

“Are you sure?” Tentatively, you took the key from his hand, already devising how you would explain to your parents that they should drop you off at Jack’s downtown Louisville apartment instead of going home.

Jack gave you a mischievous smile.  “Y/n, you’re going to need help getting out of the dress again.  You bought it for me so, I want to be the only one to take it off...”