#and im hoping this leaves like places for me to write more experiment stuff later for the boys but this does all i need it to

[huffle-dork]

Swapboys: Memory Block

Read More Swapboys Stories here! | More Swapboys | Read on AO3

(AN: hello guys! While working on the next villain arc story (I’m so close omg) I finally got the epiphany to make this Drabble work! I’ve had it mostly written for months!! Finally, backstory for Bro and Alt! Who their parents and aunts are- and if you read the multiverse stories, why Alt and Bro couldn’t seem to remember things about seeing SCLERA before the main story! Plus, a cameo to a new swap versions of a few huffleverse characters! >:3c if you read the multiverse series this reveal has already come out so it’s about time I expanded on it huh? Anyways enough rambling, enjoy! Oh also, just a warning this will be using Alt's deadname and female pronouns for him for a bit cuz he was itty bitty here! But its not for the whole fic! :3)

Chase Brody was sticking to his Father’s side as they walked through the lab he worked in. It was the weekend but Chase’s parents pretty much lived at the lab. In fact, their apartment was upstairs. They moved here after Anthea started getting really sick because there was a hospital attached to the building too. So, when Chase didn’t have anywhere to go for the weekend, he accompanied his mother and father around the cool clinical space. 

After a bit of check ins where his Father was writing down notes and refilling important looking medicine tubes- Chase eventually reached out and tugged on his coat. 

“Dad?” He asked quietly. “…Can I see Anti today?” 

Dr. Brody was quiet for a second, almost seeming to ignore his son. But, eventually he looks down and his face softens slightly. He gets down to Chase’s level and smiles. “…remember Chase, Anthea is very sick… so we can’t stay for too long, okay?” 

Chase knew this. His parents told him over and over why Anti now was staying more often at the hospital. She had something called epilepsy… and it was making her really weak and she needed to be looked at by lots of doctors. But, dad recently had been saying she was starting to look a bit better! But… he’s said that before… and it would go back and forth… Chase just really really missed his little sister… 

“Okay,” Chase said sadly. “…I just… want to see her.” 

“We can see her. I’m sure she’ll be very happy to see us both.” Dr. Brody replied, patting Chase on the shoulder. He gently took his hand and headed down to the hospital part that was connected to the SCLERA headquarters. 

But, when they got there- Anthea wasn’t in her bed. Dr. Brody seemed distraught, grabbing the nearest nurse by the elbow. 

“Where is my daughter?!” He cried. 

The nurse flinched and looked at him with confusion. “D-Dr. Demerci said she was taking her to do some tests? Did she not tell you?” 

Dr. Brody shook his head and let the nurse go. “No uh… did Dr. Demerci say where she was taking her?” 

“Umm I think back towards SCLERA.” 

Dr. Brody pales and then quickly grabs Chase, hoisting him in his arms. Huh- Chase thought he was too big for that! They race back down to the SCLERA labs and rush to a part that dad says Chase isn’t allowed to go. 

They run through a couple sets of hallways, asking various workers where Dr. Demerci is and eventually end up in a cold room near the back of the section. 

Anthea is there, sitting on a hospital bed in her hospital gown, getting an injection from their mom, Dr. Demerci. Demerci blinks and then turns to look at Chase and Dr. Brody with a cold smile. 

“Oh Kieran and Chase! What a… surprise to see you here!” She says sweetly. 

Anthea blinks and tries to wave. Chase waves too, wanting to kick out of his dad’s arms to go see her. But, his dad holds onto him firmly. Almost like… he’s scared. 

“Jezebeth,” Dr. Brody says in a low voice, “Just what the hell are you doing?” 

Chase looks at his dad with confusion. Why does he… sound scared of Mum? 

Dr. Demerci makes an offended noise, holding a hand over her chest. “Kieran! I’m helping our daughter! Do you really think so little of me?” 

“She was getting help at the hospital! The VNS treatment was helping!” Dr. Brody shouts. 

Demerci laughs, “Maybe at first… the principle of that is sound. Make electric signals in the nerves to counteract the ones in the brain. But… I wanted to see if we could rely on more than just a machine!” She looks down at Anthea and pats her cheek before turning to look at Dr. Brody and Chase. 

“I’m sure you’re aware of this, my love. But your family has a bit of magic in its history, doesn’t it?” She smiles. “That’s easy enough to tap into! Anthea actually seemed to be developing something stronger… but her seizures were making her weak. So… I figured- why not kill two birds with one stone? Fuel the magic… stop the seizures.” 

Dr. Brody steps back, breathing heavily. “She’s a child, Jezebeth! She’s not even 4 yet! This is…. This is too much! Our daughter is not something you can treat like the other subjects! They... they consent to it! They’re not children!” 

Chase starts to feel tears in his eyes as he curls up against his Dad. Why is he yelling? Did Mum do something bad to Anti? 

“So you would have Anthea die then, Kieran?” Demerci says coldly. “She wasn’t getting better before I started to help.” 

“I-I don’t believe you- you’re insane! To do this to your own daughter- to our child!” Dr. Brody stammers. 

Demerci laughs and Chase can’t help but shake because… this woman wasn’t acting like his mum. She was scary right now… 

“Kieran, you’re so small minded! Not only have I cured Anthea- I’ve made her better than ever!” Demerci giggles with a mad look in her eyes. She looks down as Anthea and then gestures towards Dr.Brody and Chase, “Anthea, dear, why don’t you show Daddy and Chase your new trick?” 

Anthea blinks and then nods. “Okay mummy!” She jumps off the bed, already a miraculous feat for such a sick girl. Then she closes her eyes and holds out her palm. Green electricity starts to collect around her hand and then in a big ZIP it shoots across the space, hitting the wall with a loud bang. She smiles proudly at Chase and Dr. Brody. “Ta da!” There’s a slight ring of green that circled her pupils that quickly fades. 

Chase laughs, “Woah!! That’s so cool!” 

But, Dr. Brody looks absolutely horrified. 

Anthea deflates, stepping back, “..d..daddy?” 

“Jezebeth- what did you do?!” Kieran’s voice trembles out of his lips. 

“I made her better- in more ways than one.” Demerci says calmly. “And see? No more seizures.” 

“You’re sick- you’re fucking sick!” Kieran finally shouts, holding Chase closer to him. “I should have never left you alone with her- how could you?! I… I’m leaving! I’m taking Chase and Anthea and getting the hell away from you!” 

“What?” Chase gasps, tears in his eyes. 

Demerci’s eyes burn coldly and then she laughs. “You know you can’t do that, Kieran.” 

“I-I’ll find a way!” Dr. Brody emphasizes, “The head… they have to be against this!” 

“Oh no- I was approved ages ago.” Jezebeth says smugly. 

Dr. Brody’s stomach drops. He shakes his head, trying to take Chase out the doors but Chase throws a fit. “No no Dad! We’re not leaving!!” 

“I don’t think the head will be very happy to hear of your insubordination, Kieran…” Demerci coos tauntingly. “Didn't you hear what happens to the doctors that try to walk away from our projects?” 

“No…!” Dr. Brody chokes on a sob and crashes to his knees, hugging Chase close to him, even if his son wiggles in confusion. “No no! Why…? Why did you do this? To our family- did it all mean nothing to you?!” 

Demerci chuckles and goes to kneel down by Kieran, taking his chin in her fingers. She smiles lovingly, but they’re still that coldness behind her eyes. “…oh darling… you all mean so so much to me. Think of all we can learn… together!” 

Then she pulls something from her pocket and immediately jabs it into the side of Kieran’s neck. He gasps and then starts to sway, eventually falling bonelessly to the ground. Chase tries to get away and Jezebeth picks him up and then sets him down behind her. “Chase, love? Be a dear and go check on Anthea won’t you?” 

“O-Okay…” Chase says in a small voice. He runs over to his trembling sister in the corner and goes to scoop her up in a hug. “H-Hey Anti… are you okay?” 

Anthea is crying quietly, trying not to make a sound. “W-Why is daddy on the ground? Why didn’t he take us to leave??” 

“What?? Do you want to leave?” Chase whisper-shouts. 

Anthea is quiet for a second before she nods. “…mummy hurts me.” She whispers. “I-I can do that cool thing now but it hurted me… I dont wanna hurt anymore, Chase!” She sniffles. 

Chase looks at his mum’s back as she checks over their dad, half awake on the ground. 

“Why… didn’t you tell me or Dad, Anti?” Chase whispers. 

“…she told me not to tell. That I’d get daddy hurt.” She sobs. “I didn’t tell and he’s hurt! I don’t want t-this! I don’t want this anymore!!” Static electricity seems to build up in the air as Anthea clings to Chase and cries. “No more hospitals! No more needles! No more shocks! No more! No more! no more!!” 

“Anthea!” Demerci’s cold voice snaps out. 

Anthea immediately quiets, shutting her mouth and staring away from Demerci with wide eyes. She curls up more against Chase, trembling. 

Demerci has turned around, stepping towards the children as her heels click loudly on the tile. Chase used to love that sound- that sound meant his mum was home. That meant he’d get a hug and help with dinner and make her laugh. She hasn’t been the same since Anthea got sick- always away and working. And now… the noise that used to bring him so much joy only fills him with dread. 

“What did I say about making such a dreadful noise, dear?” Demerci hisses down at them. 

“I’m sorry-“ Anthea starts to say. 

Then, Chase pushes to be in front of her, pushing his little sister behind him. Even if his knees and arms are shaking. 

“Don’t-“ He breathes out, “Don’t hurt, Anti!” 

Demerci looks surprised. Then she chuckles. “oh... I do adore that nickname of yours, Chaser.” Then, her smile drops. “Step away from your sister, please.” 

“No!” Chase bites back. “No more! You’re not gonna hurt her anymore! I’m gonna protect her!” And as he says this- a bit of blue light seems to flicker in his eyes. 

Now, Demerci looks really surprised. She studies Chase and then kneels down to look at both of her children. Then, she grins. 

“Okay, Chase. If that’s the game you want to play… I don’t think I mind adding a new player~” 

Chase blinks, “A… game?” 

“Yes, a game! We’ve been playing a very fun game, haven't we, Anthea?” Demerci smiles, glancing at Anthea. 

The little girl flinches and then slowly nods. “Mhm…” 

“It’s a game that lets you win magic, Chase.” Demerci continues, smiling sweetly. A smile Chase deeply missed. “That’s what Anthea won! And if you play… you can get magic too. Magic to protect your sister and become big and strong! Would you like that, Chase? Don’t you wanna play with Mummy?” 

Chase hesitates, looking back at Kieran on the floor. “…will Dad get to play with us?” He asks quietly. 

“Oh yes, Darling. He’s just feeling a bit sleepy is all. But he’ll be back to play very soon!” 

“…o..okay.. I.. I wanna play. I want…!” Chase starts to sniffle and rubs at his eyes. “I-I want us to do t-things together again! I don’t want to leave! I don’t want Anti to be sick anymore! I wanna see Mummy more!! I wanna play games again!!” He cries. 

Demerci smiles and goes to pick up Chase and Anthea in her arms, shushing them softly. “Now now love… after today? We’ll be together all the time… we have so many new games to play. And me and Daddy will be right by you both!” 

“P-Promise?” Chase whimpers.

“Promise.” 

But… his mum had a very different meaning of the word ‘game’. Chase didn’t like this game… he didn’t like it one bit. 

——- 

Glowing hands get lifted away from Chase’s head as he lays on a small bed sleeping. Anti is curled up beside him, also fast asleep. 

They’re in a small but cozy witchy space. Bookshelves line one of the walls and two of the others are filled with hanging plants in various states of drying. Tables are filled with notes and open books, containing spells and spell circles. A small cot has been set up in the middle of the room for the boys to sleep on, and on chairs surrounding them sit four adults. Their dad, their aunt (who looks similar to their dad with slightly wavy, mousy brown hair) and her wife (a very pretty woman with fiery red hair) and the dark skinned woman with glowing hands, a magician. 

An image of what was just seen in Chase’s mind floats in a bubble of magic above his head- and the boys’ aunts stare at it with horrified expressions, while their dad, Kieran Brody, looks very numb. 

“…this is where you want to start the spell then, Keiran?” The magician asks. 

“Yes,” Kieran says immediately. 

The woman frowns, “That is… nearly a year of memory blocking-“ 

“I know,” Kieran says, his voice choked with emotion. “I just… I-I don’t know what else to do…! I-It’s a miracle I managed to escape with them… I don’t know how much longer it is until they find me… I can’t have them finding the boys… I-I don’t want them to live with the awful memories of what Jezebeth did to them!” 

“You’re not just hiding memories though,” One of the aunts says, the one with ginger hair. “You’re hiding that they’re magic!” 

“I-I know, Emmaline…” Kieran sighs, “But if word got out that they had powers…! It could lead Jezebeth straight to them!” 

“Withholding their magic could have dire consequences, Kieran,” The magician says darkly. “Magic must be used. It could overwhelm your children and make them very sick.” 

“I-I know that too, Kendra…” 

“And even if we hide such magic from them… they must be registered with the Circle,” Kendra continues. “The Magic Circle governs all magic users here. They are just like our government- and I refuse to make these two innocent children magic criminals by not having them registered.” 

This seems to give Kieran an idea. “… the Magic Circle. I… I’ve heard of them. They weren’t in America… If the boys are registered there… Can the Circle help keep them hidden from SCLERA?”

“…I suppose they could?” Kendra frowns, “but, Kieran-“

“I just… I want this memory spell sustained. I want their powers hidden… a-at least until they’re older.” He says quietly, “They wouldn’t be able to learn with the other magical kids- their magic is artificial! Eventually the teachers or the students will realize something is wrong and look into it and… I-I don’t want them being looked at like experiments or freaks!” Kieran cries, tears falling out his eyes. He hangs his head, hiccuping quietly. “I-I never wanted this for them…! I wanted them both to just live normal lives…! Or-or if my family’s magic got passed down… for them to learn the right way…!” 

The other three look at each other with worried eyes. 

Kieran’s sister goes to gently lay a hand on his shoulder. “Hey… they’ll be with us, Kier… we won’t let that happen.” 

Kieran looks up and gives her a small smile, squeezing her hand, “I know, Isla… you’re already doing amazing with them.. you’re going to take such good care of them…” 

Isla smiles sadly, hating hearing her brother talk about this like he’s already gone. But… she’s been told the risks…

If SCLERA finds him… he won’t see the boys again. 

Kendra sighs, “alright, I can see where your concerns are… but this is very tricky. Even if their magic is artificial, as far as I can tell, their bodies still react to it as if it was natural. So it might still overflow… what would you like me to do?” 

Kieran nods, “we found the same in our studies… I don’t think Chase is much at risk… he seems to be able to channel his magic into parts of his body and use it for bursts of strength and speed. Maybe… see if he can take up some sports?” He laughs, shaking his head. Then, he looks down at Anti and frowns, pushing hair out of his face. 

“It’s… Anti I’m most worried about… he was already so sickly… and he gained so much power so quickly… I-It’s so much in such a tiny body…” he says quietly, eyes filled with concern.

“…if you want to keep it hidden while they’re kids… maybe we can tell them when they’re older?” Emmaline suggests. 

“Mmm…that could work…” Kieran muses, “Kendra… is there any way for you to just… siphon off excess magic if Anti gets sick?” 

“Well… they will need to come see me here and there for me to check on the memory spell…” Kendra says. “So… I suppose it’s not out of the question.” 

“How long should we wait?” Isla asks. 

“…until it seems like Anti or Chase can’t hide it themselves anymore,” Kieran says. “Or… when Anti is 16. I think… they should be able to understand it then… e-even if I’m not there to…” he cuts himself off, tears brimming in his eyes again. 

Isla goes to rub his shoulder again, tears threatening to spill in her eyes too, “Don’t, kier… please.” 

Kieran nods. “I-If we do that… t-they should be safe. I’ve already moved them to another country… deleted what records I could… they won’t think that I will have gone here… Jezebeth thinks I’m still estranged from my family.” 

Isla snorts, crossing her arms. “And you were before all of this … for marrying that witch.” She mumbles. “I always knew there was something off about her…”  

Kieran sighs, “You were right, Isla… all of you were right. She… blinded me with her brilliance and… she was a f-fantastic mum for a while…” He shakes his head, “well… at least there’s two good things that came from marrying her.” He looks down at Chase and Anti smiling tightly. “I just wish… I-I protected them more…”

“You did all you could, Kieran,” Emmaline says quietly. “It’s not like that bitch made it easy for you… she tricked you and- t-that mind contr-“

“Let’s not talk about that… p-please,” Kieran interrupts, shuddering. 

“The Circle will keep their records safe from prying eyes,” Kendra assures him. “I will… talk to one of the Associates since this is a special case.” 

“Thank you, Magi Danan,” Isla nods. 

 “Isla, you don’t need to be so formal with me!” Kendra laughs, “I am… more than happy to help the family of my best friend.” 

“Ha! I only just married into this crazy family less than a year ago!” Emmaline giggles.

“You don’t regret it, do you, Emmy?” Isla turns to ask her wife. 

Emmy smiles and shakes her head. “Not at all. I promised to be by your side for anything! Even… adopting our nephews because their psycho mom experimented on them!” 

Isla covers up a laugh. “You don’t have to say it so bluntly!” 

Kieran smiles sadly and goes to pull Isla in to kiss her head. “…you picked a really good one, sister…” Isla blushes a bit and pushes him off. “You don’t need to tell me! I married her!” 

Kendra laughs. “Alright… I have a lot of work to do now to get these memories blocked… Kieran, is there any memory you don’t want erased?” 

Kieran blinks and then thinks for a minute. “Oh actually yes! Chase told me about… a conversation him and Anti had… when Anti asked to be called a boy…” 

“Hm… let me see…” Kendra goes to put her hands back on Chase’s temples and starts to flip through his memories once more….

———

After one long day of tests, Chase was led back into his lab room and he was exhausted. He climbed onto his bed and laid against the wall, letting the cool metal relax him. He missed his old room… all his clothes and blankets and toys. Mum said he and Anti would only get those if they were good. There were a few blankets on their beds that were soft and smelled like home. But that just made Chase sad… no toys yet either. Sometimes… they’d get a ball though. But not today, so he waited with his eyes closed until Anti came back. She quickly climbed onto the bed next to Chase and held his arm, curling up next to him. Chase just held her tight and they rested in silence. 

Until… “Chase can I ask you something?” Anti asks in a quiet voice. 

Chase blinks open his eyes and smiles down at his sister. “Yeah? What’s up?” 

Anti curls up more and clings to Chase’s arm. “Can you… can you treat me like a boy…?” 

Chase blinks, “what? What do you mean?” 

Tiny tears were filling up Anti’s eyes, “I don’t like being a girl. It feels wrong. I don’t think I am one…! I-I think I just got put in the wrong body…” 

“Well… how does it feel wrong…?” Chase asks curiously. 

“I don’t like when mummy calls me her little girl.” Anti whimpers out, “it makes me angry. And I don’t like my name… but you j-just call me Anti and…I-I like that…” Anti lifts up her face and looks at Chase with tearful eyes, “s-so can… can you help me feel like a boy..? C-Call me he and stuff- say I’m your brother, not your sister…?” 

Chase can see the desperation in Anti’s face and he doesn’t even hesitate, bringing Anti in close. “Of course! Whatever makes you happy, Anti…” Anti smiles and hugs Chase tight. 

Chase then pulls back and grins, tugging Anti to his side and tickling the younger sibling. “Besides- as much as I loved having a sister, I’ve always wanted a brother! And I’ll love you no matter what, Anti!” 

Anti has more tears in his eyes but he smiles and nods, looking happier than he has in a while. “Thank you, Chase…!”  

—————

Kendra pulls her hands back once again and the adults watching the memory bubble all have wet eyes, brimming with tears. 

Kieran wipes at his eyes. “…I-I’d like to keep that one please… maybe you can… m-modify it so they’re in Chase’s room?” 

“Yes… I’ll see what I can do.” Kendra nods.

“I remember being so confused when Chase was telling us Anti was a boy,” Isla shakes her head, “Because I only knew you had a baby girl named Anthea…” 

“It suits him better,” Kieran smiles down at his children. “…my two strong sons…” He leans over and kisses both of them on the forehead. The boys seem to smile in their sleep.

“If that is all, I think it is best you all leave for now,” Kendra says. “This will take the rest of the night at least… I will call you when I’m finished.” 

“Right… Thank you, Kendra… for everything.” Kieran says as the three other adults stand to leave. 

“Of course, I’m glad I can help. I will see you all in the morning.” Kendra smiles. 

The Brodys all walk out into the afternoon sun and get back in their car to drive to Isla’s and Emmy’s home, where Kieran was staying with the boys. The drive was quiet… until eventually Isla spoke up, looking at Kieran through the rear view window. 

“Kier… I know you said Jezebeth might not check where we live… but… what if someone else at SCLERA makes the connection and comes to check? …what will you do?”

Kieran’s expression drops to something withdrawn and sorrowful. “…I have a plan…” he says gravely, avoiding her gaze as he looks out the window at the passing Irish countryside, “…no matter what happens… they won’t find the boys. I’ll make sure of it.” 

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Phullo there, I’d like to ask you a question! I hope I won’t be such a bothersome.

So, I’m planning to write a story about Laughingstock and since I find your storytelling very pleasing I figured it’d be a great idea to ask for your advice about the writing!

My Idea in general for this story is just Howdy taking a day off from working in his bodega. And basically, he’ll be just wearing normal clothes.. shocking truly.

And thennn, Barnaby and Howdy accidentally stumbled into each other’s path. They later then of course had a very long conversation that lasted until evening maybe.

Of course there’ll be some fishy moments like them looking at each other with goggly eyes and other cheesy romantic nonsense- but it’s just mainly them having their usual conversation with a ‘couple’ of jokes here and there. It’s supposed to be a sweet memory for them to remember basically.

So, what I’m really trying to ask you for is- how the heck do you start a story exactly and not make it into just the dialogues? Like, I want my story to be kind of long but I’m afraid it’ll be just them, y’know, talking and I really don’t want it to be boring.. therefore, I really need your help.

I am so sorry if it’s such a bad timing considering the fact that you just had an interview which I am very proud for you for that! Even if it didn’t go as expected at least you did good half of it.

Soo, yeah! I’d very much appreciate your advice and I am sooo sorry that this was soo long!!! And again, a bad timing too.. but hey if you got any time, please consider answering. Thank you..

Also any response yet? On the interview of course.

hmmm... in my experience and Knowledge Accumulated Over The Years via reading And writing... the best place to start is to just drop in. no story introduction, no "it was a dark and stormy night", just Start. it sounds like your story begins with Howdy taking the day off, so maybe kick off with him getting ready / choosing an outfit, or w/ him reflexively almost opening the store before he stops and chides himself for almost forgetting that he's taking the day off

to combat the dialogue, maybe detail him leaving the bodega to go into the neighborhood. what does he see? hear? feel both physically and mentally? is there anyone else out and about? set the scene! ive been struggling with this too lately since i haven't seriously written in a while and i haven't been reading actual books

WHICH! IMPORTANT TANGENTS!! read well-written books, Not fanfic! im not saying dont read fanfic ever or i'd be the world's biggest hypocrite, but also read actual books. it's important to study how published authors write, how stories are structured, dialogue and action. because these books have more often then not gone through a Rigorous screening process. multiple drafts, beta readers, publishers reading it with great scrutiny before agreeing to publish - of course there are exceptions, but a lot of books are the highest quality they can be, and will outshine most fics. because, and i say all of this as good things, fics are unregulated. most dont have beta readers. a lot are from amateur authors new to the scene. there will be spelling mistakes, weird grammar & sentence structure, etc - most fics have Entirely different writing styles from each other. so if you only read fanfic, That is what your brain will learn, and it's gonna be harder for you to write. published books have less variation in styles, and the styles are subtler. there's less spelling mistakes if any, so your spelling will improve. your internal vocabulary will expand. even if you don't consciously study what you read, your brain will pick up on & internalize patterns, how action works, how dialogue works, how to structure a story, all that good stuff. if you want, i can recommend well-written books! i've been an avid reader since... like, ever. i've got recs galore! you can tell me your preferred genre & literary interest and i'll probably have something for you! and if you're not big on books, well... get out of your comfort zone lmao, books are fucking awesome and i guarantee there are plenty out there that you would love.

and when you're writing dialogue, intersperse it with little actions or the main povs' internal dialogue. if there's a natural lull in the conversation, explore that lull! what do the characters do in this moment? what's going on around them? sprinkle bits of setting in so that your reader knows where they are and what's going on.

plus, exploring the non-dialogue sections of your story can, and often will, spark inspiration in your brain for scenes and actions to fill out the story if you want it to be long (but also! if you just want to write the scene of their conversation, that's the beauty of fanfic - there's no requirements. do whatever you want lmao). when Howdy is going into town, maybe Wally calls him over for a quick pose - does Howdy say yes or no, and how does that decision change the story? maybe Julie invites him to join her in a game, or Eddie stops to talk to Howdy about him being out and about. maybe there are some complaints over the bodega not being open. what's the lead-up to Howdy and Barnaby running into each other? do they literally run into each other? what happens when they do? those are just a few possibilities of many!

remember, when you're writing, you're that story's god. you can do literally fucking anything. you decide what the characters do, where they go, what happens in their world. that mindset should help you bolster the plot instead of just "these two characters have a conversation", yk?

i hope this helps!

[fruitydreamlandlight]

Midnight movies

(a/n) So this is my first fanfic and I'm a bit nervous cause I haven't wrote one in forever and I never posted one of my fanfics on here so if anyone has any advice on writing or something I could do to make it look better please tell me, I'm very open to constructive criticism.

This is a merther fanfic because it the only thing on my mind

(side note I have no Idea what in doing so bare with me on this (I'm also doing this on my phone))

Desc: future au! Where Arthur comes back and Merlin has to teach him about the future and stuff and this is Arthur first time watching a movie

Tags: oneshots, first kiss, movie night, discovering gay ppl? (I'm going of a limb for this fic) slight homophobia, one POV (I don't like changing povs), fluff, not proofread!

I hope you like it

___________________________________________

Merlin POV:

It's been better since Arthur came back, I'm super happy, but him being the prat he is he is the worst person to teach.

I try to reach him stuff about this world! But no! Im still his lowly servant who can't do anything but clean!

So tonight instead of a lesson, I'm going to take a break and show him a movie. He's still perplexed by today's technology and he has a lot to learn. But he'll be happier if I just relax with him and have some popcorn and act like we don't have years of otherworldly experiences that no one will ever understand...

Anyways I don't have to struggle to get him to understand tonight, easy peasy lemon squeezy. The movie I picked out was a newer one, I didn't want to go into the theater and embarrass myself by confusing him even more, and possibly disrupting other people. So we're just staying at my house to watch the movie

I get the popcorn started and Arthur is startled by the sudden noise

"what the bloody hell is that?!" He exclaims

"its a microwave" I say and he only looks at me even more confused

"it's used to cook stuff, I'll tell you another night, the food inside it is popcorn, which is popped corn" I speak, not even having to stop for him to ask more questions

"how do you pop corn?" He says, I let out a little sigh and think, 'whatever it's just a simple explanation'

"when corn kernels are heated to a point they pop" the microwave beeps and I open the door, wincing a little at the heat of the bag as I pull it out

He nods and I assume he's only pretending to know half what I'm saying.

"so what is this whole movie thing about?" He says sitting at one of the stools at my counter.

"well people have movie nights where the sit in a theater or on their couch, like us, and eat popcorn" I lift up the bag as I say that "and sodas but I think you would go into a coma if you soda, so just water for you, but I have some Dr.pepper in the fridge, if you really want to try some" I grab my dr.pepper, a water, and the pop corn. I walk over to my living room and put the stuff on the coffee table and grab the remote. I fiddle with it before finally getting everything set up "Arthur!" It still feels weird to say that after so many years. "You can get in here, everything's ready!" seconds later he walks in and sits down on the couch.

"so these people are 'actors'?" He stretches out the word, we never had many performer's in Camelot because of Uther and his insanity. "Yes" I start the movie and oprn my Dr.pepper with a satisfying hiss and I take a sip.

I swing my arm over the couch and the movie gets past the long intro and reach over and grab one of my blankets and drape it over my legs and one arm, leaving my other arm for grabbing. My arm takes it place back to the back of the couch.

Arthurs eyes never leave the screen once for the first 40 minutes, I don't even think that he blinked once, so I put my arm around him to slightly wake him up, "you good, not gonna explode on me are ya?" I whisper, which sets him free, "yeah yeah, I'm fine" he sits up, he still acts like prince, I chuckle

"what's so funny?" My attention is brought back Arthur "this person is almost dead and you are laughing" I look to the screen and sure enough the main character is on the ground fighting the villain "their only characters it's fine" he sighs with a huff and crosses his arm

I look to the movie again and the main character defeats the villain, the protagonists friend walks up and grabs her hand, confessing her love, they share a kiss. I look over to Arthur who is baffled. His mouth hangs open a little bit

"b-but they are both girls." He looks up to me confused and I share the same look "and?" I say

He pause "but it's two girls, it's supposed to be a male and a female, not this" he motions to the screen. I roll my eyes "people really don't care about that anymore"

(a/n I don't really know what's the situation on homophobia in Britain or in Europe for that matter, I live in a America so I'm just going off of what goes on here)

"but that's wrong" he turns his whole body as he speaks "it's really not, people love who they live Arthur" he looks at the screen then me

"what is it called?" he whispers for whatever reason, i think he still wants to hide from his father's wrath

"it's called homosexuality, when to woman love each other it's more specifically called lesbian and when it's two men it's called gay" I turn my body to face him as well

"this world is ...so ... different" falls against the couch

"are you angry?" The dramatic music from the end credits start as I say that

"a little... I don't know what to expect anymore" he runs a hand over his face and let's out a small scream. I rub my hand up and down his side

"would you be angry if I..." I pause

"if you what?! Speak Merlin"he yells impatiently

"if I kissed you?" He stops and grabs my hand, he sits up and we just stare at each other.

"I-" before he says anything else I push my lips to his and he seems to freeze, I pull away and he's stuck

"i-i-"he mutters

"I'm so sorry, I should've let you speak" my hands cover my face, I want to curl up and die.

Suddenly I feel his hands peeling my hands away from my face

"that wasn't... terrible" he looks at me holding my hands and we don't say anything for a while, he starts to slowly lift my hands to my face and places a small kiss to them. I let my hands free and caress his cheek as he does mine and we start to lean closer

And closer...

And finally and lips collide again. It's more passionate and sweet. I let my hands fall to his waist. His arms wrapped around my neck. We pull away from each other and our foreheads lean against each other.

"i-i love you" he says sounding almost unsure

"I love you too" I smile and we both chuckle a little

He hugs me, which doesn't feel right so I lean back my head to kiss him again

I don't want to ever let go

Tonight he won't sleep on the couch, he slept right next to each other, we held each all through the night. I couldn't even fall asleep

I didn't want this moment to end, I didn't even realize the sun coming up

"are you still awake?" he whispers

"yeah I couldn't fall asleep" I whisper back

"me either" he whispers again

I peck his lips for what feels like the thousandths time

I don't think I'll ever get tired of this...

___________________________________________

So that's the end! Tell me your thoughts and give me some tips if you can

I dont really have a sign off so just bye for now!

[phcenixfcrce]

unfortunately will be rambling beneath the cut again because im antsy on a plane

i wish i felt alive i have no spark no joy i go for a week and have to come back and take more medication because i am getting worse. i see my regular therapist again in two weeks i feel a great existential dread that i will die without living

i hate to sound so stupid to say fomo is real and in the way i experience being sad i cannot just live happily or the way i want. i cant have a job i feel joy in. i could maybe someday but not right now and it feels so endlessly hopeless. i cant say goodbye to him so i say i will see you later but i dont know when later is. when i have a house. and he wont have to leave. i hate seeing arden go places. i hate seeing people having a better time than me. i feel like the incarnate of the sin of envy watching people do things that make them happy all of the time. i really do. its not even in a like fuck you i hope you deserve to be unhappy way or like i want to do the same things (i want to travel but i dont want to go glacier hiking or music festivals) and do what i want to do and be there.

i know real life isnt like that and i sound like a hedonist that only craves pleasure and joy because who doesnt but i am on such a thin tightrope i think i could slip and hang myself if i tried. also very mad i was writing on the ride to denver before i could save the draft. im trying to enjoy stuff like making art again and setting goals but constantly am trapped between "fuck it whatever" and being responsible. i get a pay raise in 4 weeks and im hoping ill be eligible for teletime so i can work from home. the least they could do is let me do that and i only need to be in the office 3 days a week. id go monday tuesday. other days at home. i could do laundry and eat. i could work from bed. i wouldnt be doing overtime at 9 pm at the office for another half hour drive home.

im getting 2 new tattoos in november and i am going to consider getting a new nostril piercing on my left side so it matches. im getting a mullieter mullet shag thing in january because i really like it and its like as close as im getting to expressing myself because i cant dye my hair or tattoo my hands. i hate my fucking job so much . i hate feeling like theres no way out of the rat race i am in. id be so much better if he was at least with me in the same timezone. im so sick of having to hide our relationship because our parents think its not real / internet people scary.

im trying to set goals because i do bitch to bitch but i do have ambition but i am so tired from being sick from being chronically ill and crippled by my family or how things are. i so desperately want to open a taxidermy and tattoo shop because it would be so great. i could teach workshops. but it also means i have to work on flash sheets which i've been doing terrible with because ive been drawing other stuff to get back into the swing of things and havent touched my tattoo gun in a couple of months.

but the hardest part is i dont want my hobbies to feel like a bummer because theyre hobbies i love and enjoy and want to keep enjoying them. i want to feel normal so badly. i really really do. im just so unhappy i feel it everywhere. being in philly/nj has been the happiest ive been in two years and i will be miserable again

[bloodycassian]

darkness defined - 

az or cass x reader idk if this makes sense or not but here we go, either az or cas POV where reader (their mate) was stuck under the mountain with rhys and doesn’t come back bc she is still locked in the dungeons (rhys just assumed she died, he doesn’t know she is still alive)  Switch to readers POV, a few months later where they think their mate and their family (the night court) has abandoned them bc nobody ever came looking for her. Reader is like on the verge of death and uses her last energy to send a pulse down the bond. Switch back to az or cas POV  who are basically freaking out with guilt and anger and worried-ness. Im sorry it’s super long don’t feel pressured to write this anytime soon idk if it even makes sense  

DONT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SPECIFIC! I LOVE WORKING WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF PLEASE DO MORE LOL

Cassian was a wreck. From the moment Rhys came home alone, and until the end of time it seemed to be. Azriel sighed, watching his brother down his second bottle of alcohol. His eyes were red, face gaunt and pale. The circles under those tortured eyes looked more like bruises. 

He hadn't talked to Rhys much since the news came that you were gone. Cassian had practically blown the roof off the house of wind, then disappeared for two weeks. The only reason Rhys had let him was because Az followed, far behind just to make sure he wasn't going to do anything drastic. 

Azriel watched his brother circle the mountain, only to have to turn away. Wards made by Helion himself refused entry to anyone while the mountain was still being evacuated of Fae. He glared daggers at the people streaming outside the shield. His heart was a painful stab in his chest constantly. His mate.. gone. He refused to believe it. And Azriel saw the denial there, plain as day. 

Azriel had only stopped him once. When he packed a bag and started his flight to Hybern. He earned a black eye and a verbal lashing for that, but it had saved Cassian from going on a suicide mission.

After a month of being out, he went to his brother. Rhys refused to ask Helion to lower the shields around the Mountain, and finally Cassian seemed to give up. He would have gone to Helion himself, but the wards around his court prevented him from doing so. Rhys was torn up over the entire experience of under the mountain, but losing you was one of the worst parts. He would never forgive himself for losing his brother's mate. 

Azriel watch his brother's eyes get more and more dull. Watched the bottles stack up. Rhys wasn't around much, busy regaining control over his city, getting updated. And keeping an eye on Spring Court.  Cassian sighed when the bitter liquid hit his tongue. He drank like it was salvation. Like it would lead him back to you. Plus, it helped him sleep. It was the only time he could sleep without seeing you, without feeling that pull - the command his instincts gave. "Find me, find me. I'm here. I love you. Please."  He often escaped to the cabin. To not have to talk to anyone, and to keep Rhys from stealing his bottles from him. Cassian was convinced Rhys was saving them to drink for himself. That's where he found himself flying, bottle of booze in hand. The guilt a lead weight in his stomach. 

The door shut, and he finished the first bottle in an hour. 

Mor appeared beside him, took the second bottle from his hand and had a long drink herself. He smiled drunkenly, showing too many teeth at her. He wasn't sure if she was actually glowing or if it was his eyes squinting too much. "Cheers." He slurred, taking the bottle back and downing more.

+ The walls were getting drier and drier with each passing day. The once cool winds that would cut through the stone dungeons were turning softer, warmer. It was a welcome relief, but without the muddy water from the walls...you knew you didn't have much left. Your spirit was crushed, on top of it. Death seemed like not a terrible option anymore.  Especially knowing that your court - your friends - your family had left you. They had just... forgotten. Thrown you aside like nothing. Didn't even try to find you. Like the Winter court skeleton in the cell beside you, just left to die.

  You pushed the thoughts back, knowing that logically that wasn't true. But you couldnt come up with a reason why they would leave you down here. You prayed, you tried sending thoughts down the bond. Nothing worked. Sometimes your mind got the better of you, and you would rush to the bars of your prison cell when you thought you heard faint footsteps. 

Then you would hear your own voice echo back, and no one else.  Eventually you stopped getting up. You let the fantasies keep you entertained while you lay on the floor. Not caring about the bugs that crawled on you. You were glad there wasn't a mirror to see yourself in. A wave of dizziness crashed over you, and you fell into darkness. 

When the water ran dry, you stopped bothering calling out for Cassian. The bond was there, but saturated. Trying to grasp it was like trying to hold wind. You were too exhausted. So you propped yourself up in a corner and let the dizziness pull you under again for a moment. Taking rattling breaths, you let your mind wander to that mind bridge. That once sturdy marble that would always remind you of Cassian. 

You sent out a final tug down that bond. Using the last of your energy, you put all your effort into it. "I'm here, I always will be. I love you. I'm sorry." The platform you imagined your bond being seemed to go dark, and lifeless. Empty.

+ Cassian shot upright, head spinning. Mor was asleep beside him, her feet on the table. He shook her, trying to shake the stupor. "Wake up. Wake up!" She groaned, weakly batting him away. He took a breath, trying to steady himself. He wobbled to the kitchen, dunked his head in the cold sink water and slapped himself a few times. The haziness from his stupor crawled away, slowly. 

Mor appeared in the archway, rubbing her eyes.

"Get Rhys. I need you to winnow us." He demanded, patting her face softly. Her eyebrows knit together but she stretched, and sleepily obliged.  + You assumed the crackling was just your starved imagination. Again. But the wind changed as well, and you tried not to let your hopes up. You weakly opened your eyes, to the same familiar cell. A silent tear slid down your cheek.  Then there were the shuffling of footsteps again, and you hid your face in your hands. It seemed like all the imagination tricks were attacking at once. You wanted it to stop. You wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep until you could see and hold Cassian again. Voices, now.

The sweet deep voice of a man who spoke another language. An ancient language. Your ears rang. You cracked your eyes again, to a blinding white light. You held a hand in front of your face, trying to see behind it. 

A thud, and scrape of metal. Then the scent hit you. It was similar to what you had imagined but somehow a million times better. Then, his arms were around you. "Mother above." He breathed. You would have thought the mother took you at last if it wasnt for the pain in your gut.

"We got you honey, I'm so sorry. Im-" He tried to hold back a sob. You smiled weakly at the familiar, yet different eyes that you loved. The marble platform you shared seemed to be lighting up with happiness. At the same time, crumbling and falling with shame. Anguish. 

Rhys began winnowing the group immediately, nodding to Helion. The high lord gave him a melancholy smile back, and winnowed himself in a flash of light. He would check the rest of the mountain with his forces and repair the wards before he returned to his home. 

Everyone surrounded the healer, watching her work. Mor was trying to stay calm, but her hands shook when she held Amrens. Rhys and Azriel both had jaws clenched, shoulders tense. Watching the way Cassian's tears fell on to your shoulder as he cradled you. The healer squeezed  his arm softly, silently requesting him to move. He didn't.

Azriel went to his brother, wrapping an arm around him. "Your mate needs you to be strong, Cas." He consoled, pulling him away gently. Cassian held you tighter, just for a second then nodded and let go. He held your hand firmly. His warmth missing from your body was a shock. You began shivering. Amren tugged a blanket off the guest couch nearby and placed it over your legs. 

"T-thanks." you muttered. Her eyes widened, but she nodded. Her and Rhys glanced to each other. A silent conversation. You didnt care. 

"Cas?" You squeezed his hand, and there he was. His pale face looked ragged. He seemed like he was struggling in every sort of way. You didnt want to imagine what he was looking at when he looked at your features. You could practically feel your cheeks sinking in, your bones losing their density. "I missed you." You smiled, trying to lift his mood. 

His lips quivered, and he nodded. He kissed the back of your hand. "You wouldnt believe how much I missed you. All of us did." he glanced to Rhys. His face was blank, but that steady stream of power seemed to be crackling outside. 

You let your eyes drift to each of your friends. Each of their tear stained faces were such a welcome relief. Over a month alone, their presence alone was enough to soothe that part of you that doubted their love. 

Cassian kissed your forehead, before the healer's light knocked you into a peaceful sleep. 

[maria-akira]

good girls don't get used: michael langdon x fem! reader

—♡—

READ PART 2 HERE

summary: michael langdon, your ex, falls into a bet wherein he has to (fake) date you. if he falls in love again, he loses and doesn't get the prize.

warnings: private school au, fuckboy!michael, slight mention of sexual topics + i didnt proofread this mwahaha

this fic is inspired by the song 'good girls (don't get used)' by beach bunny.

i don't know if other private schools have bells, because mine doesn't :(

italicized bold words are direct lyrics from the song. but in this chapter, there are none since this is like an intro :)

—♡—

"Dude, shut the fuck up."

"Are you kidding? She really said that?"

"You really think that's gonna happen?"

"Who's class do you have first?"

Voices of different students flooded the white and grey hallways of the school. Different friend groups and teachers can be seen roaming the halls, getting stuff from their respective lockers as they waited for the bell to ring.

"Y/N! Do you mind if I borrow your calculator? I forgot mine at home and Math is my next class." She said while panting.

"Sure, here it is. If you lose it, I'd probably drop kick your ass." Y/N let out a small laugh and grabbed the calculator from her locker, giving it to her friend.

"Gosh, Y/N. I'll never lose it! I'll give it back during recess. Thanks again!" She flashed Y/N a smile and waved bye, before returning to her locker.

Y/N looked at herself in the mirror she had on her locker, fixing the tie that always seemed to be out of place whenever she checked. Her hair was neat, complete with a white headband that complimented the color of her school's uniform.

A few seconds later, the bell rang and everybody started rushing. Different couples were seen kissing before they parted ways for the mean time.

Cringe. Y/N thought. She shrugged it off and held her books tightly to her chest, walking to her next class.

Walking straight into the classroom, she noticed a group of guys dart their eyes to her direction as she entered. They gave her weird smirks. In return, she stared back at them while she made her way to her seat and never broke eye contact. Eventually, she noticed a familiar face among the group.

Michael, her ex.

How the fuck is he in my English class? She thought, along with a whole hundred thoughts roaming around her head. Michael stared back at her, giving her a wink.

Y/N's face gave a hint of disgust, "The fuck do you want, Langdon?" She stood up from her seat and walked over to Michael, pushing his other friends. She heard his friends coo and tease Michael for his act towards her.

Michael put up his hands in defense, "Chill, is it bad to wink at a pretty girl like you?" He said with a smug look, while he grazed his hand over her arm.

"Shut the fuck up, Langdon. Don't you ever touch me." Y/N slapped his hand away, his friends taken aback from her actions. As she walked back to her seat, the teacher entered as well.

Y/N put her face in her hands. By now, a million thoughts were in her head. It's been 2 years since Michael and her broke up, and since then, she made a promise to herself that she would never fall in love with men like him. She was so tired of all the tears and sleepless nights that Michael gave her.

She let out a sigh and lifted her head from her hands. The soft light from the windows filled her eyes after the darkness formed by her hands, causing her to rub her eyes to adjust from the light.

The rest of the hour went smoothly for Y/N, after English class was recess, her most favorite time of the day— aside from going home, of course.

She glanced at her watch, 10:28 AM.

2 more minutes, and English will be over. She thought.

She averted her gaze back on the white board full of scribbles about some writing lesson she clearly did not listen to. She looked over to her classmates and friends, Well they aren't listening either. She laughed at the thought.

As soon at the bell rang, everyone started packing up their notebooks, textbooks, and whatever they had on their table. Every student was seen rushing out of every classroom in hopes of being the first ones in line for the cafeteria.

On the way there, Y/N bumped into her friend group. "Hey Y/N! We heard about happened in English class. Michael is really in your class?" A friend of hers mentioned, "Yea, and apparently that son of a bitch winked at me, such a disgusting ass motherfucker. he should keep his fuck boy ass to himself." Y/N spat out, earning a chorus of 'oh's' from her friends.

When they arrived at the cafeteria, the line was painfully long, all of them groaned in frustration and they had no choice but to wait for the line to move. But once it did, it was faster than usual. After Y/N and her friends received their food, they left the cafeteria to eat at their usual place.

The school rooftop.

A few students know that staying in the school rooftop is permitted, which was why Y/N and her friends loved eating there.

When they arrived at the rooftop, they saw the usual people that they always encounter while staying there. The view was beautiful, there was no doubt about it. The small garden in the rooftop gave a beautiful and elegant touch.

Though there were a few chairs and tables, Y/N and her friends always preferred to eat on the floor. So, they laid the linen cloth on the ground and sat on it. Y/N was wearing the skirt uniform, thus she removed her tux and placed it on her legs to prevent her skirt from lifting.

They shared a few giggles while they ate their meals, laughing about some life experiences, or whatever they wanted to talk about.

Y/N loved this. She loved how she and her friends would have little moments like these, it was like an escape from reality.

The rest of the day went smoothly for Y/N. She didn't fall asleep in any of her classes, which in this case was a very big accomplishment for her.

As soon as she arrived home, her little brother, Aaron, rushed towards her. "Y/N!! I missed you!" He chimed, Y/N kneeled down onto his level and gave him the tightest hug. "I missed you too, Aaron!" Her mom came into the room and smiled. Y/N stood up and gave her mom a hug as well.

"How was school?" Her mom asked, Y/N placed her tux on the coat hanger by the door. "It was fine, Mom. Where's Dad?" Y/N walked over to the fridge and poured herself a glass of milk, "He'll be home soon, he still has a meeting right now." She took a sip of her milk, "Oh, okay. I'll be upstairs doing school work." The glass of milk that was once full, now empty.

She took her things upstairs and plopped herself on the bed. Out of nowhere she felt a vibrating noise from her bag, she rummaged through her bag to find her phone and once she did, a message was see on her lockscreen.

Unknown Sender has sent you a message.

She unlocked her phone and went to her messages.

Unknown Sender: hey ;)

Her eyebrows furrowed. What the fuck?

(Y/N): hi? whos this?

read 2:29 pm

Unknown Sender: oh shit you deleted my number? damn.

"Huh? I don't recall deleting anyone's number..." She went to her recently deleted contacts and it showed nothing.

(Y/N): im sorry, i haven't deleted anyone's number recently, maybe you have the wrong number?

read 2:32 pm

Unknown Sender: im pretty sure you know me, Y/N.

They know my name. And her heart started pounding.

(Y/N): and im pretty sure i dont, so just reveal yourself before i report this number

read 2:35pm

Unknown Sender: ayo chill ��� its me michael.

"Michael fucking Langdon? You've got to be fucking me right now." She felt rage fill her, slamming her keyboard.

(Y/N): langdon what the fuck do you want? i made it very clear that i dont want you talking to me.

read 2:40 pm

Before Michael could reply, she changed his contact name to 'Motherfucker'

You have changed Unknown Sender's contact name as 'Motherfucker'

Motherfucker: damn you still mad at me after 2 years? gosh (Y/N). whats with the nickname?

(Y/N): of course im still mad, asshole. ill never forget what you fucking did.

read 2:43 pm

Motherfucker: i thought you forgave me 🥺

(Y/N): FORGIVE YOU???? god langdon you're so fucking stupid, i will never forgive you. you didnt even say sorry in the first place!

Pissed off, Y/N blocked his number. "That fucking asshole." She mumbled to herself.

—

"Hey! Y/N!" A familar voice called out from the crowd. Y/N removed one earbud and turned around to find the voice that called her.

Once she saw the shiny blonde locks from that stood out in the crowd, she immediately ran in the opposite direction in hopes of avoiding him.

It was Michael, again.

"Y/N wait!" Michael called out again, chasing her

For some reason, Michael was able to catch her. He pulled Y/N into an empty science laboratory and they were both panting.

"What the fuck do you want this time, Langdon?" Y/N was catching her breath, fanning herself with her hand.

"Okay. First off, sorry for the sudden message. I know I pissed you off and that wasn't my intention at a—"

"What was your intention then?" She cut him off.

Michael panicked.

"Uh, you know? I just wanna talk to you again. Clear the bad air between us.."

Y/N let out a laugh, "Clear the bad air?? Oh gooood Langdon, you are really so stupid! You know what? You just made it worse." She pushed him off and walked out of the room,

"Whatever it is your planning, Langdon, I'm telling to stop it. I don't wanna talk to you or even go near you."

Michael was dumbfounded. She changed so much. He thought to himself.

2 years ago, Y/N was the sweetest, most innocent girl he knew. Playing with her feelings was Michael's biggest regret, and he's starting to feel it again.

Michael was about to leave the room until he felt a buzzing from his pocket, He pulls out his phone to see who was calling him.

Duncan, one of his bestfriends.

Michael answered the call, "Hello?"

"What's the update on your little girl?"

"She still doesn't trust me."

"That's sad man."

"I know. She changed alot. "

"What do you mean by 'changed'?" Duncan emphasized,

"I can't point it out, Dunc."

"Whatever you do, don't chicken out. I promise this bet is worth it."

"Fine, I trust you."

Call Ended.

Michael ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and left the room before the bell rang.

—

It was the last subject of the day. Most students were falling asleep or on their phones.

Y/N was scribbling weird things on the back of her notebook, when suddenly the bell rang. She packed up her stuff and stood up from her seat. Before she could leave the room, she saw a familiar face again.

Michael stood by the doorway of her classroom, the strap of his bag over one shoulder while he looked for Y/N among the other students.

Y/N ignored Michael and walked past him, but he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her towards him.

"Langdon! What the fuck do you want?!" She screamed, all of the students averting their attention to her.

Michael put a finger on his lips, shushing her. "Let's go somewhere private, yea?"

"But—"

Before she could object, Michael dragged her outside towards the parking lot.

"Okay this is actually something serious—"

"CUT THE SHIT LANGDON! IM TIRED OF YOU."

"Woah‐woah! Easy now. I actually need your help, with school..."

Michael rubbed her shoulders, looking straight into her eyes. For once, Y/N believed him. His eyes were speaking the truth.

"Okay, fine. Shoot."

"I can't believe I'm saying this.."

"Don't waste my time, Langdon."

"Fine! I'm failing."

Y/N's mouth hung open. Michael was one of the top students in their batch and this was obviously a huge surprise for her.

"Oh, really? What am I gonna do about that?" She crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side.

"Can you please help me? Like, tutor me?" At this point, Michael was desperate.

"Um, no thanks. Just fuck some other girl's pussy for your grades." Y/N pushed him away, but Michael stopped her again.

"I'm serious, Y/N. I really need your help."

"Why me?"

Now that made Michael nervous.

"Because you happen to be the top of our batch right now?"

"Fine! Under one condition."

Michael was curious, "What?"

"If I do this tutor shit, we're doing it at my place. I can't tutor you in your messy ass room." Y/N said. She always remembered how messy Michael's room was when they were together. He would only clean when he was scolded by Y/N.

"That's fine by me."

"Okay then. 5pm, sharp."

She walked away, but Michael pulled her again.

"Let me go! What do you want now?" Y/N said, clearly annoyed.

"Unblock my number, silly." Michael chuckled,

"No."

"How are you supposed to know if I already arrived?"

"Theres a doorbell, dimwit. I'll be downstairs waiting for you."

"Bu—"

"Bye, Michael. I'll see you later." Y/N flashed him a small smile and continued to walk away.

Once he saw Y/N reach the bus stop, he started walking to his car, until someone tapped him on his shoulder.

"Hey Michael, whats the update? I saw you talking to her." It was Duncan. His brown hair was lightly gelled back and the first two buttons of his white dress shirt were undone.

"I'm still trying to win her back, I lied to her that I was failing so she could tutor me. That way, it'll be easier."

Duncan smirked, "That's my boy! When will this tutor thing start?"

"Later, 5pm."

"Hmm, that's good. Remember, if you fall in love again, bet's over."

"I won't."

—♡—

tags mwah: @kitwalker02 @sojournmichael @angelicmichael @deademobitch @iheartfrogs101 @tatestripedsweater @mrs-march-ahs

i hope you guys enjoyed this. i wrote this while doing schoolwork </3

[flowerflamestars]

Idk why the whole nesta/lucien concept hurts so bad. It’s like, whenever I’m reading anything related to it my chest feels so tight and wobbly. What have you done to me girl I-

Like i don’t even know if i would have to guts to read it once you posted it but…. you truly excel and conveying emotion through your writing, and even though most of your snippets are brief im always panting by the end, you know? You’re so so so so so talented, you have one of my favorite writing styles ever (and I can’t really pin point why it just does it for me), but whenever I’m reading your stuff it’s feels like it is reaching inside me, you know? Like it is physically moving my heart around.

You rock, i hope you know that!!!!!! Sorry if this is rambly and incoherent :))

!!!

Kind reader, please know, as a person who often describes her favorite books as having punched through my chest- the idea that my own writing is that effective? The highest compliment. What I'm going to make myself refer back to every time I'm convinced all that I make is utter crap, thank you, thank you, thank you!

As for Lucien/Nesta, I totally get that! It's definitely a hurts so good, kind of a story?

On one hand because Lucien is busy being Lucien- brave and unbroken but not undamaged, sexy and stubborn and fundamentally out of place- and I found it impossible to write what was happening without some handling of the past. Lucien has very good reasons, just for himself, to be floored by how badly he wants Nesta.

On the other, because it is a story about, for example, having fun, enthusiastic sex on a rooftop- it's more fundamentally a story about understanding, and the knowledge that no one else would see it that way.

A love story unfolding sidelong.

Nesta having inappropriate sex? Are we back to her wholesale physical disregard for herself and driving desire to claim some shred of autonomy, no matter how shitty? No. Nesta and Lucien sit together for a whole year, before she ever touches him.

Is it a infidelity kink thing? Well. Lucien thinks Nesta's married- but Lucien also, with a sick, perpetual horror, cannot fathom calling Nesta's bond a relationship- if she's not safe to leave it, there's no consent, is there?

What about Elain? Elain doesn't want Lucien- has she ever????- she does have a huge crush on a pasty chef, but that's a whole separate issue.

I'm making it sound much darker than it is- isn't not, I promise. There is a pervasive sadness- what's a broken bond but a failed potential? What is Nesta's canon ending, but an ongoing, free-falling humiliation? An unsafe transitive state that could break at any time but also not let her go. What are her and Lucien doing in Velaris, but to keep Feyre content and be the butt of jokes from the Inner Circle?

And then they fall in love.

Maybe so slow they don't even realize it, tumbling in shared experience from hushed secret friendship to abject devotion. Hope's not a glimmer, it's a spark and it catches.

They see each other. They laugh. It's Sorcha and Helion in parallel, three centuries later, but Lucien doesn't think what they settled for will ever be enough.

in sum: VERY EMOTIONAL, but I promise a hell of a happy ending :)

[petri808]

OHMYGODDD JUST SAW YOUR LATEST POST I LOVE IT ANGST WITH A HAPPY ENDING IS JUST CHEF'S KISS. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE 42, 49 and 13 FOR NALU PLEASEEE CAN'T WAIT TO READ ITT

😳 Ya’ll really love angst huh? Lol okay, sure let’s see what I can come up with. 😊 “You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!” + “I’m pregnant” + “Im too sober for this”

Lucy’s knees weakened and sent her crumbling to the bathroom floor. Why was this happening to her?! She’d just finished college and was about to start her paid internship with a local newspaper. ‘What am I gonna do?’ Lucy gripped to the stick in her hand as the tears trickled down her face. This could derail her future before it even started— all because of one slip-up. How was she going to tell Natsu… Not knowing who else to talk to, Lucy turned to her best friend Levy McGarden. She texted the woman and drove over to her friends apartment in dread.

“Oh, Lu…” Levy hugged her friend tightly before pulling her into the small apartment. She sat Lucy down on the couch, then made them both some tea. “How you feeling?” Levy asked as she handed the cup over.

“How do you think I’m feeling?!” Lucy groaned. “I feel like I’m in a nightmare.”

“Are you sure the results are correct? You know those home pregnancy tests can be wrong.”

“I don’t know, I mean I followed the instructions and it didn’t give an error sign.” Lucy pulled the stick from her pocket. “See?” She showed it to her friend. “Two lines.”

“Oh— yeah, looks like it,” Levy agreed.

Lucy pocketed the test once again and hung her head. Both hands cradled the warm cup, just holding it without a desire to drink from it. “Just thinking about this is making me sick. Maybe I can just pretend it’s not true.”

“Lu, that’s ridiculous. I’m pretty sure the growing bump on your stomach will make that difficult.”

“Ugh! I know!” Lucy shrieked. “Lie to me or something… Levy, I-I don’t think I can deal with this!”

“Well, you have to. And how am I supposed to lie about this?!”

“I don’t know, tell me this is a dream. Just a bad dream that I’m gonna wake up from. The test was wrong, something! Maybe it’s just a fiction story I’m working on cause I just don’t wanna think about it right now.”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did! Lucy you have to face reality.”

“What am I gonna do Levy? I can’t be having a baby!”

“Well first things first, you need to tell Natsu— I’m assuming it’s Natsu.”

“Of course, it’s Natsu! I haven’t slept with anyone else.”

“Well you need to tell him. He deserves to know.”

“I know…”

“Natsu’s a stand up guy, I know he’s going to do the right thing.”

Lucy sighed, “that’s not what I worry about. I mean having kids is something that’s crossed my mind… just not anytime soon. We’re not even married yet. Ugh! I’m such an idiot.”

“Sometimes these things happen.” Levy placed her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Can’t go back to the past, so now all you can do is figure out the now. Do you have any idea when it happened?”

“My guess is my graduation party, cause that was the last time we had sex. I barely even remember it cause I was so drunk,” Lucy whimpered, then started to sob. “We’re usually careful but… yeah, it had to be that.”

“Come here,” Levy pulled her friend into a hug. “You’re gonna be okay. Whatever happens, you’re gonna be okay.”

The women spent a couple more hours chatting, flipping between random topics, but often coming back to this one. Lucy struggled to even wrap her mind around the reality that this is real. That she was going to have a child, when she was barely an adult herself and all the factors involved only compounded her dilemma. Her new job isn’t going to afford a child. Natsu had a decent job, but even combined it would be a struggle. They’d have to find a place together, a two bedroom house or apartment. What about the medical expenses, and the baby supplies— babies are expensive! Where was the money going to come from?

When Lucy noticed the time and realized Natsu would be coming home from work within the hour, she thanked her friend for the support and bid her goodbye. Even though she had calmed down a little, she wasn’t ready, didn’t know what or how she was going to break the news to him. So, after arriving home, Lucy tried to distract herself by cooking dinner. It didn’t really work, but at least a meal was made. Her life until now had been going well in that she had a boyfriend who treated her right, supported her while she finished her degree, even pushed her to follow her dreams of writing. And now that her degree was finished, Lucy was on her way after landing the paid internship. If she passed the internship, they would offer her a permanent position at the newspaper.

But now all of that felt like it was slipping through her fingers. All her hard work for nothing because juggling a small child and going to work… Maternity leave is not paid, so they’ll have to rely on just one income for a time, then daycare is quite expensive. Sure, there are programs that she could apply for to help or family, but that’s not the point— the point is, they are sorely not ready to become parents.

“I’m home!” Natsu called out as he entered the apartment. “Something smells good!”

“Welcome home, Natsu.” Lucy called out from the kitchen. “It’s almost done.”

Natsu detected a change in his girlfriend’s tone. Usually when he gets home, she’s in a happier mood— but not today. He threw his keys onto the kitchen island and walked up, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Everything okay?”

Whatever words she’d planned to say were thrown out the window as tears pooled instantly in Lucy’s eyes. “Natsu, it’s…”the words stumbled out, “um… I-I’m pregnant.”

“P-Preg…nant?!” Natsu took a step back in shock, his trembling hand moving to cover his mouth. “Oh, wow— I’m too sober for this,” he mumbled.

“Pregnant,” she repeated as the sobs broke free. “And alcohol is what got us into this mess!” Lucy snapped and sobbed louder.

“Oh, h-hey now, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Natsu pulled her into his arms. “Don’t cry baby, please don’t cry, I hate seeing you cry.”

“Natsu, I’m pregnant, did you hear me?! Pregnant! I can’t be pregnant!”

“Shh… I hear you,” he gently coaxed Lucy to the couch and had her sit down, then sat beside her, cradling her close. “True, it’s not the best time… but we can make it work.”

“You don’t understand, I’m not ready, Natsu. I don’t think I could handle it…” all the reasons refreshing in her mind. “I have no experience with with kids. What if we screw up? It’s just…” Lucy sighed. “I think… I’m too overwhelmed right now.”

“Okay, well— they make those things now, the, um, end pregnancy stuff.”

“I don’t know…”

“Lucy, I’ll support whatever decision you make.”

“You say that now, but later you’ll probably resent me for… kil— doing that,” she mumbled.

“I don’t know that so neither can you. All I do know is that yes it might hurt— but you’re the important thing right now, and if you say you’re not ready, then I have to accept it. Kids are never easy, I doubt all the preparation in the world can really make a difference. But Lucy,” he took her hand and held it to his chest. “As long as I’ve known you, whatever you choose to do you’re great at it.”

“Really?” She looked up with hope filling her eyes for the first time all day.

Natsu smiled. “And who better to start a family with?” He cupped her cheeks and kissed her. “Then a smart, sassy, beautiful woman like you.”

Lucy’s eyes flooded with tears. “You really think we can make it work?”

He nodded. “As long as it’s something we really want, then yeah.”

After a momentary pause, Lucy let out a long stabilizing exhale. “Okay. I’ll call my doctor and make an appointment tomorrow to check.”

“Really? Y-You sure? Because I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to coax you into this.”

“No, I-I’m pretty— sure. Things sometimes happen for a reason, right? Maybe it’s meant to be.”

Natsu pulled her in for another longer kiss. “Guess I better hurry up and marry you then,” he chuckled.

She snorted a laugh. “I guess so mister!”

He pulled her close again, hugging her to his chest. “I love you so much baby.”

“Mmm, I love you too.”

“My own baby momma,” he teased.

Lucy slapped his chest with a giggling shriek. “Don’t you dare call me that!”

“Oh,” he grinned, “I’m totally getting t-shirts made.”

[theworldofotps]

Letter From The Road

WWE Superstar: Seth Rollins Word Count: 530 ~A series in which I write letters from superstars to their partner or friend back home while they’re touring.~

This is @biforrollynch I really hope you enjoy this love I teared up a lil not gonna lie so just prepare yourself.

Mentions of mental health, struggle with self esteem  _____________ Tag list:

@omg-im-such-a-masochist @hungmanhorsecarriage @writtingrose @sjwrites22 @sassymox @new-zealand-chic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @xladyxfatex @biforrollynch @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @demonqueen29 @itsicantbelievethis666 @lilred91 @xbreezymeadowsx @rebellious-desires @youcantreignonmyparade @melblacc @letsgivethisonemoreshot @alination @ava-valerie @shortyiceheart @serpantscorpio8497 @thatpanpal  If you wanna be added to the list lemme know. ____________

To the one I love more than coffee, Hello to you my sweet, we had an off day while touring so I figured after spending some time out exploring the city. I would come back to my room and write to you. Just a reminder that I miss you, and I love you. Yeah I say it all the time but when have you ever known me not to tell you I love you? Even when we argue.

Touring is going well, we’ve done a lot of shows, I’m a bit tired because I miss having you beside me and it’s a little harder to fall asleep. But I manage to get enough to be functioning and alert so I don’t mess anything up during a match.

I hope you’re managing to sleep better than me, I know how grumpy you can be when you’re tired. ;)

We had a stop in Iowa which was so nice seeing my family and friends. They all said hi and I need to bring you out again soon. Which I think is a great idea. It would be nice to spend some time out there with you. That brings me to asking you again if you have any idea where we should stay. Are we going to keep renting in Florida, in Iowa or split between both places? Just something to think about since our lease is up in a couple of months.

That reminds me! Finn invited us to a housewarming party next month. He's gonna send invitations out too but he figured he would let me know beforehand in case we had other plans.

I hope you’re feeling okay, I know you were kinda down the weeks leading up to me leaving. Your mental health was a bit of a mess. Remember you can always talk to me baby. I’ll listen no matter what, even if I can’t provide much of an answer. I’ll hold you until you feel ready to start talking about steps to make things better for you.

Sometimes I know that you may feel like you’re a burden but you my love are nowhere near a burden. Myself and everyone in our lives love you so much. And those that are hateful or awful don’t deserve your time and precious mental state. You are loved more then you probably realize.

That’s something I want you to try and remember whenever you’re feeling down, whenever your mind is telling you horrible stuff. No matter what happens at the end of the day I am loved, it may not seem like it at that moment but it’s true. Our minds just like making us believe the worst at times.

I hope this letter brings you some comfort sweetheart and just know I’m only a call or text if you need me. I love you more than anything in this world and I’m so happy I get to experience this life with you by my side. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you right back. I’ll talk to you later tonight for our nightly phone calls.

                   Love you fiveever(because five is more than four)                                               Seth xx

[peachiimilquetea]

ALSKSJAK PEACH!!!! CONGRATS ON 50 LOVE!!! ✨💕

Can I please request a short scenario with Kaminari using the gentle hc and “you need a place to stay tonight?” prompt?

ilysm congrats again!!! 💕❤️🍑

"𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲?" + denki kaminari

gentle: how do they provide comfort?

length: 1.2k

contains: gn! reader I think? (pls let me know otherwise), light angst, comfort, mentions of infidelity, fluff, denki being emotionally inept, college!au, sero and kiri have a short role at the end, childhood friends to lovers

a/n: denki is one of those characters with limited screentime so I hope did him justice!

“you need a place to stay?”

the words almost go in one ear and out the other as you process what he’s asking you.

it was a simple question, nothing sinister or backhanded meant by it, and yet it made your heart flutter to think about staying in kaminari’s home.

you definitely needed it, no thanks to your selfish roommate. i’m having someone over she had said, and subsequently kicked you out for the night, leaving you with nothing but a small tote bag full of your essentials and nowhere to go.

and so, without even realizing it you had found yourself on denki’s doorstep. it was almost like a magnetic pull, leading you to your best friend in your time of need.

“i-its no trouble for me, really! you can stay in my room and i’ll stay on the couch. i think sero and kiri are gonna be out at a party tonight and i’ve got a midterm paper to write so..”

you were snapped back into reality at the sound of his voice. he must’ve seen the pensive look on your face and you felt a small smile grace your lips as you watched him ramble and try to explain all the reasons it would be no trouble at all for you to stay.

“as long as its no trouble for you, i could stay over tonight, denki,” he grinned and stepped aside to let you into the apartment.

setting you stuff down you took in the room. he’s the same guy you’ve known since elementary school, hyper, loud, and messy- his living room is evidence of that. his roommates probably added to that to be honest, but he was doing you a favor and you were in no position to judge.

you two agreed that after he was 3/4ths done with his midterm he would come and hang out with you. he worked on the couch, while you rummaged through the boys’ almost barren fridge and attempted to make dinner. geez how have they survived this long?

you managed to scrounge something together and about 2 hours later denki dramatically shut his laptop and exclaimed that college was a scam, signifying he had just barely finished everything he had to do.

“finally i can spend some quality time with my best friend”

you smiled and suggested a movie marathon. he excitedly agreed and began to bring out all the blankets and pillows in the house, claiming that pillow forts are essential to the movie experience.

three movies in and you were practically on top of each other, hands threaded through his hair and his head on your lap. the both of you were engrossed in the true-crime documentary on the TV. the only reason he had let you put it on was due to a lost game of rock paper scissors, but denki seemed to be more invested in what was going on than you were, clinging to you whenever the music signified that something especially sinister was happening.

you checked the time: 1:45am

it was much too late for you to be up, seeing as you had a 10am class tomorrow, but the couch was so warm and you wanted to stay cuddled up with your friend for as long as possible. it felt nice and safe.

but denki, remembering everything when it came to you, knew you had a class and after the movie was over, turned the tv off and began to clean up the mess you two had made. leaving the previous mess for someone else.

he picked up the dishes and went to the kitchen to do them while you picked up snack bags and wrappers that had been strewn around the floor and couch.

“you know,” you heard denki call from the kitchen, “im a little surprised you came to see me for this. i thought you would’ve gone to stay with your boyfriend.”

oh.

him.

you had forgotten you didn’t tell kaminari about the news. your boyfriend broke up with you, claiming it was because you were two different people but you knew he was cheating on you. with your dream of a roommate.

denki could tell something was up tho, so he put the dishes down and came over to where you were curled up on the couch, awaiting your reply.

“we broke up,” you said, the words leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

the whole situation was embarrassing- you didn’t even like the guy all that much- your friends had convinced you to give him a chance because he seemed nice. you had only done it in an effort to get over your crush on kaminari anyways.

but it still stung when you found out, catching the two of them together on your couch. she probably had him over right now and thats why she kicked you out. the irony of the situation is palpable- you dated the boy to put some distance between you and kami but here you were, right back where you started.

you didn't even realize you had been crying until you felt denki wrap you in a loving embrace, hands still wet and soapy, trying his best to comfort you.

“don't cry, ____, the guy looked like he ate mayonnaise straight from the jar anyways. you were doing charity work.”

you snorted at his poor attempt to make you feel better and burying your face into his chest, holding him tighter. he had never been good at comforting people, often just making you cry more as kids, but this time his presence was a great comfort to you.

he was your anchor, the only thing keeping you from floating up and away into your insecurities and doubts about how things were going.

“i'm not that sad about the breakup itself, i just can’t help but feel like the whole thing was my fault,” you sniffled and kaminari pulled back to look you in the eyes.

“bullshit. you are one of the most amazing, funny, caring people i know, and if he had all that and thought that wasn’t enough, he's even dumber than me, and that's saying something.”

his words were simple encouragement, but you felt your face heat up at his admission.

“you really think so?”

“of course i do! i wouldn’t have loved you for so long if-” kaminari stopped himself and quickly let go of your shoulders. his face and ears were slowly turning a boiling hot red as the both of you let his words sink in.

he loved you.

he loved you.

“you dont have to say anything… it’s ok if you don’t feel the same way i- mph”

grabbing him by the collar you kissed him with everything you could muster. his lips were sweet and supple, just like you always imagined them to be, and you felt like a giant weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

kaminari broke the kiss to look at you, eyes filled to the brim with love and relief. he had never felt his heart swell so much, feeling like he would accidentally set off a citywide blackout from excitement.

he was about to say something when sero burst through the door, kirishima coming in right after him.

sero took in the scene in front of him, smile growing as he put the pieces together.

“well, that took you two long enough,” he grinned and you laughed, finally feeling a lot better.

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Lovers at last

Calum Hood x Reader

summary: after years of being friends and even a band mate of the guys, you grow up and experience something you never thought you would.

a/n: this was definitely something from like 3 in the morning so hopefully you all enjoy. also this is during like youngblood era for those who like the timeframes. there are also some typos but i mean it’s okay lol adds on to the effect.

You and the boys have been together as friends since middle school, it was always the 5 of you, when the guys were creating the band and posting videos on youtube you helped them figure that part out and being the technical bandmate, especially when it came to social media. However as time moved along the boys were getting big and had gotten their own team, you didn't take this as a bad thing, it was good they were getting noticed and having their music heard. Even if they were away you were still a part of the band, it didn't matter if it was official or not, you were a part of the band.

You on the other hand, had gotten yourself in the music industry and started as an intern producer for a record label and making tunes for some starting bands. Your talent in creating these tunes eventually brought all types of artists from around the world to work with you. You later got into writing lyrics and started writing music for other artists. Of course this went around pretty fast getting attention from many artists. You had told the guys about this way before you started, they were all sure you were going to make it big as well. In the younger years you had helped the band before with lyrics and tunes or chords. Helping them find their sound.

Skip forward to knowing you were currently texting with Cal as he and the guys were on tour, while you were meeting or well about to meet the one and only Ariana Grande who needed to find some new sounds for her new album. Before meeting with her you were freaking out and needed someone to talk to and that's where this story leads us.

Meeting ariana grande was one of the things you have always dreamed of, of course when you were contacted for some help with producing you thought it was a joke because who would send an email saying they are ariana grande and would like to work with you on their album, that just doesn't happen, but in this case it did for you. You had everything prepared for her to give a listen to and let her decide on what changes needed to be made and for her to just be comfortable with the new samples you made for her.

Talking to her in text was something you were good at but now you were officially meeting her and getting her full opinion about the stuff you made. It was about an hour of you showing her all the stuff you came up with and she was just so fascinated with what you came up with. To be honest you were unsure what she wanted so you made a lot, and I mean a lot of material, so you were prepared for anything that she might need.

“These samples are crazy good! I've been trying to find a new sound and these three simple songs need these sounds, this is really amazing.” she said as you nodded being glad you were able to find her sound, “well i'm glad you like them, im happy to help, it's an honor really.” you said as she shook her head, “i should be saying that about you, you have crazy talent for this. Have you considered moving to LA?” she asked as you shrugged, “maybe one day, i'm not sure yet, i don't know if you know but i'm friends with 5 seconds of summer,” you said as she gasped and nodded, “oh yeah i've heard of them, but what do they have to do with you moving to LA?” she asked as you continued, “Well we grew up together here and i don't know i wouldn't want to leave them and the place where we all grew up.” you said as she nodded completely understanding, “yeah it's tough, but if they are your friends i feel like they would understand because they are growing, it wouldn't hurt for them seeing you grow too.” she said quite simply and honestly as you nodded taking that advice to heart.

You knew that maybe just one day you would move your career somewhere else, but you just didn't want to leave home. Yeah they leave you while on your but they always come back, even if it's just for a while, they come back. A part of you wanted to go to LA and pursue your dreams there, but your home was here. You didn't want to leave the place where you grew up. Of course this needed to be talked with. Not just your parents, but with cal and the guys.

…

Weeks later the guys had all come home and you sent them all a message that you needed to talk to them all together. The guys were slightly confused but they wanted to see you anyway so they all agreed.As you were in the old garage where they used to rehearse you were more nervous that you thought you were. You had made the final decisions and you were moving to LA, you had signed off with a good company and you were officially to move away from home. Everything was done, you just needed to tell the guys.They all walked in as they all saw you sitting down with a very serious face and began to worry.

“hey guys.” you said as they all smiled at you and gave you a hug as you looked at all of them and worried how they were going to react. “So why did you bring us all here?” Michael asked partly worried as the rest followed you to sit down, “Well i have some news i needed to share, and well you were on tour and i couldn't interrupt that.” you said as ash shook his head, “y/n, you know we're here for you no matter what, even if we are on tour.” Ash said as you smiled for his compassion, “what is it dovey?” cal asked probably the most worried out of all of the group. He was scared of what was going on and was prepared for any news that could change your life and his plans of telling you how he felt about you. To be frank he had always beat himself up for it whenever the days passed and he didn't tell you about his feelings, he was close to telling you, but with this news he might just tell you now. You two were close and you met cal first way before the guys, so it would be understable if you and cal needed some privacy with what you were about to say.

“Well, you remember when I met Ariana Grande and did some samples for her album?” you asked as they all nodded and luke spoke, “yeah those were amazing by the way, were sorry we couldn't be there to celebrate.” he said as you shook your head softly with a small smile, “its okay, i know you guys were out celebrating out there,” you said with a giggle as they all joined in, “Well we talk about uh.. about moving to LA and i've been considering it, but at first i didn't want to decide alone because well i didn't want to leave home but uh, what i'm trying to say is that basically..” you said pausing as cal spoke, “you're moving to LA.” he said as you looked at him with a sorry look and nodded looking at the rest of the guys. There was a slight pause but that was because the guys were processing this whole situation, you were moving away and that was okay as long as you were happy.

“Im sorry, if this is gonna ruin our friendship, but i feel like i need to go there. Things are good here, but LA is where I can grow and become better.” you said as they all shook their heads, “don’t apologize y/n, how many times have we left you? You didn't stop us, you empowered us to keep our heads up which is what we will do for you.” Ash said as Michael nodded, “as much as it hurts seeing you leave, we know they need you over there, our friendship isn't over, in fact it will grow. We might even create music together.” he said as you smiled and looked over at luke, “it's not the end is all i know, it's a beginning for all of us. I mean who knows we might all be in LA soon, so you won't be alone. We're here for you y/n we always will be. '' he said as you looked over at Calum who had a sad look, but he was happy deep down inside, but he couldn't believe that even more distance would separate you two.

“Cal?” you asked as he looked at you in a certain way and you looked at the guys to give you two some personal space and they nodded and left. You took one look at Cal and knew something was wrong the minute you spoke about LA. For you two him leaving was enough distance between you two, now he knew what you felt when he was leaving, but this time you were leaving for good.

“What's wrong cal?” you asked as he looked at you, this was his time he knew it, it was time despite the bad timing, “this is probably bad timing, but... i love you, i've always been in love with you.” he said as you looked at him in seriousness. You didn't know if this was him wanting you to stay or if these were his true feelings, but you felt your heart beating faster and felt it get warm as your eyes were on him.

“Wait what?” you asked as he looked over at you, “i'm in love with you dovey, always have been. I'm not telling you this to make you stay, I just needed you to know is all.. I just need you to know before you leave,” he said as you looked at him and your eye contact was firm, “what..what do you mean years?” you asked as he grabbed your hands and you didn't pull away. He knew this was a sign, “since we first met there was something about you that just pulled me in, it was everything about you, there wasn't one bad thing about you, i just can't stand keeping it in, i need you more than just a friend.” he said as you were nervous with what you were about to say next, “cal.. I'm in love with you too.” you said in a whisper as he looked up quickly hoping he had heard you right.

“You- really?” he said as you pulled him in for a kiss. Your lips had connected in need for one another's touch after years of thinking one another saw each other as friends. This moment that the both of you had dreamed of was happening. His hands were all over your waist as they traveled up to your cheek and yours were on his jaw and hair. Once the kiss broke you both stared into one another's eyes and you smiled, “i love you.” you said again as cal smiled and took you in for a kiss once again and this was definitely the start of something new.

...

Moving to LA had its perks, mainly for your job, you had met new people and even helped out starter bands or singers with their career and sending them off with a great bang. You have also been working with big time singers and bands and helping them out with some new sound. You were given some new material and had even created some for a band that your boss said would be coming in and wanting some sort of new sound for their album. You wondered who they were not knowing what band it was. All you were told was that they were working on their 3rd album and needed some help.

As you waited for their arrival you texted Cal to see how he was doing. Ever since you two started dating, texting around the day and being near your phone as a must. He missed you dearly and you missed him, so the small messages around the day helped. He also came over from time to time, but not a whole lot.

You were quick to get into the room and you were shocked with who was in front of you. Cal was in front of you and you were quick to run over to him and hug him tight. You gave each other a small peck as you enjoyed one another's company, “what? How and when?” you said as you heard someone cough as you turned around and saw the 3 other boys standing in front of you. “What are you guys doing here?” you said with a smile as you hugged them all in a group hug, you sure missed them after not seeing them for a year. “Well we are here to work on our album, we heard there's an amazing producer here.” Michael spoke and it hit you with the realization that it was them you were working with. “Wait seriously, you want my help? But I thought you were in europe?” you said as luke nodded, “yeah we were there a couple days ago, but we need your help. The album is going great but we still need more sounds and samples.” he said as you nodded, “well okay i can help you with that, but are you sure you want my help?” you said as cal grabbed your waist pulling you closer to him as the boys nodded, “yes we need your help, you know us better than anyone, and well you are the best in LA,” ash said as you smiled, “okay yeah i'll help.” you said looking at everyone and over at cal with a smile.

Before working you all hung out for a while and to also see the vibe they were wanting to find. You were just over the moon that they were here, you had missed them so much and just needed to see your friends again and of course your boyfriend. You were looking through lots of new material the whole day just to see what they like and seeing if you could place it all together and get them something they want so they can start with recording.

“These samples are all good, you could make something with that, but just, we want it simple yet complex.” Michael said as you nodded, “yeah for sure, I should have some stuff in here,” you said as Luke nodded, “yeah also if you want to, we have the lyrics set for these songs,” he said as he handed you the files with the lyrics. The songs titles in here were moving along, more, monsters among men, and one that was titled valentine but that one had no lyrics, “this one doesn't have lyrics? You're making a song about valentines day?” you said pointing it out as ash nodded, “well yeah, it's in a couple days and we were all thinking about how many people were going to make a song and release it as well, we want to make our own version of mariah carey’s all i want for christmas but with valentine's day.” he explained as you nodded. You then walked over to the computer remembering these two samples that were perfect for this song, “that's funny because i have this sample, well i have two actually,” you said clicking through and finding them both and laying them out in repeat as the boys all stood behind you watching you do your thing.

“Okay the first one is just a, “dum, dum, dum, dum, um.” over and over, and the second one is just, “valentine,” over and over again as well, but if you were to place it on top of one antoher..you get this.” you said as they all gave it a hear and it was so uncanny but perfect, the lyrics were already flowing in.

The guys were all happy with there they left things off leaving you to rest and of course spend time with cal. You two were walking out hand in hand into your car, you were heading over to the drivers side but he followed you and you looked up confused, “you wanna drive?” you asked as he took your keys and smiled, “yeah, i've got a surprise actually, so i was hoping we could make a stop there.” he said as you nodded, “okay cal..just don't kill me or anything.” you joked as you got on the other side of the car, “ dovey i would never kill you, i would probably kill for you though,” he said as you scrunch your nose and you had reached over for a kiss before leaving.

On your way there his hand was near yours, the most he missed about you was your touch and he just needed a part of you touching him making him feel safe. Ever since you left he had missed you dearly and well of course duke. You couldn't see duke as much which sucked, but you knew that you would see him soon whenever it was your turn to go to visit.

Once you made the stop, you were parked in front of a house, “who lives here?” you asked as he got out to open your side of the door and you two walked over to the front of the house as he held you in his arms hoping you could guess. “Well it's definitely someone,” he said as you frowned as you headed near the door, once the door was opened you saw duke run over to you as you kneeled down greeting the puppy and even picking him up missing the pup’s barks and kisses, you then looked inside the house. You had seen all of cal’s things and then it hit you. “You? You live here?” you said with a smile as he nodded with a smile, “yeah i do, i wanted to be closer to you and I know this is probably way too fast, but i love you so much and I just can't live without you, you are everything to me and i want you to know that i have no regrets and i will never have any,” he said as you started tearing up and smiled at him as you couldn't believe that the distance between you two was finally over.

“You did this for me?” you asked quietly as he nodded softly, “well i'm not gonna lie this is very surprising but im happy, i miss you everyday and this changes that..but what about your parents?” you asked as he sighed, “actually dovey, they were the ones who convinced me to move over here. They saw how much i missed you, i didn't even leave the house i just want to be with you and well they knew i had to move...look if this isn't what you want then-” he said as you cut him of quick, “no, stop, this is what i want, i just want you to be sure cal,” you said as he walked over to you and kissed you as he held you in his arms and had placed your hands near his heart, “dovey i already told you, no regrets. This heart beats for you only. I want this, not just for me but for us.” he said as you smiled and just knew this had to happen.

“Also i want you to live here with me, i wanna wake up with you and fall asleep by your side, i can't stand being away from you dovey,” he said as you smiled and nodded, “of course i will, you're everything to me.” you said as you kissed once again. This was meant to be. It was the beginning. There were no regrets on either side, you were all in. you and him are soulmates, it just took a while to settle.

[stormyoceansmain]

[im very much NOT a writer - i cannot stress this enough - but i truly mean it when i say sambucky is making me go insane. i find no other explanation for ending up writing 3.8k words of sambucky, alpine, and movie night. thank you if you decide to read this, i hope it's not too terrible]

Sam shows up at Bucky’s place for movie night with a case full of beers and ten minutes to spare.

Sarah makes fun of him for this Friday tradition they’ve been carrying out for the past few months, says he should just muster the courage to ask Bucky out on a proper date already. It doesn't matter how many times Sam told her he is just helping Bucky catch up to the 21st century, she always ends up giving him that Look that says she's not believing any words coming out of his mouth, which is kind of unfair, if you ask Sam.

Well, fine, maybe Sarah is right. Maybe Sam does want to take Bucky out on an actual date and hold his hand and kiss him goodnight and do all those sickeningly romantic stuff he used to daydream about when he was 16. Turns out former assassins who are incredibly annoying but also surprisingly kind are very much Sam's type. Go figure.

Still, they worked hard to reach the kind of friendship they currently have, and Sam doesn't want to lose that. He's also not blind to the way Bucky flirts with Sarah, and despite her insistence that Bucky does it more to rile Sam up than for any real interest in her, he’s not about to risk it all on a whim.

This resolution almost crumbles into dust a moment later, when Bucky opens the door wearing sweatpants and a blue shirt that matches his eyes. He is barefoot and his hair is getting longer, losing the harsh edges of the cut and curling slightly behind his ears. He is still all chiseled jawline and defined muscles, but he looks softer, more comfortable in his own skin, and the easy way he smiles at Sam makes a heavy warmth pool around Sam’s stomach.

“Hey,” Bucky greets him, sliding his metal arm around Sam's shoulders to pull him into a brief hug.

This, too, is something of a novelty. There's always been a sort of intense physicality about Bucky, both in how he carries himself and in how he is always aware of the bodies moving around him, but the casual affection, the playful abandon with which he touches and lets others touch him these days, feels like a wonder. Sam would have never expected it, and he had come to love and hate it at the same time.

“Hey yourself,” Sam greets back, splaying his free hand across Bucky's back, allowing himself to hold him there and breathe him in for a second, a fresh lemony smell coming off his hair, before giving him a quick pat on the shoulder and putting a respectable amount of space between them.

He buries his hands deep into the pocket of his jacket and follows Bucky inside, trying to resist the urge to slide his fingers under the hem of Bucky's shirt and feel the warm skin underneath it.

It's the first time Sam steps into Bucky’s apartment since Bucky took home the stray kitten he found on the side of the road three weeks ago, and the changes around it are staggering. Sam was used to empty spaces and few, essential furniture, but now the space in front of the window is occupied by a giant cat tower, and lots of smaller scratching posts are scattered all over the living room, along with different kinds of cat beds and toys.

“I see you redecorated,” Sam says with a grin.

Bucky shrugs, opening two of the beer bottles with a quick twist of his metal hand. “Cats need stuff.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I'm glad.” Sam grabs one of the bottle and clinks it against Bucky's. “Pets are great company and the place looks much better like this. I wouldn't have pinned you down as the crazy cat lady type, but it's always better than Robocop.”

Bucky rolls his eyes, takes a sip of his beer. Sam catches the smile he is trying to hide anyway.

Sam knocks their shoulders together, asks, “So where is she?”

“Hiding, probably,” Bucky says, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. “She doesn't like strangers.”

Sam stops with the beer halfway to his mouth. “Excuse you,” he exclaims, outraged. “I very clearly remember accompanying you to the vet the first time you brought her in. I also sacrificed two of my shirts for her and have scars on my forearms where she scratched me to death. I think I deserve more than being considered a stranger. We basically co-parented that cat for the first few days!”

“That's nice,” Bucky deadpans. “Why don't you go tell her that? I'm sure the speech will convince her to keep the claws to herself.”

Sam glares at him and Bucky pats him on the arm. “Just relax,” he adds, turning to open the fridge and taking foods out for dinner. “If we let her be, Alpine will come out eventually.”

Bucky is right, of course. Sam had a few experiences with strays growing up, cats and dogs alike looking for shelter from Louisiana's storms under their porch, and no amount of treats he and Sarah tried to give them had been able to lure them out from their hiding spot. The best course of action in these cases was to wait, letting them come out when they felt safe enough.

It still weirdly feels like a rejection of some sort, but he tries not to let it show.

Sam takes a swig from his beer and asks, “Alpine?”

Bucky turns on the stove and shrugs again. He remains silent for a moment, a distant look on his face that Sam has learned to associate to memories better buried and forgotten. He is about to start telling Bucky about the science fair at the boys' school to change the subject, when Bucky speaks again, low and careful.

“She reminds me of the snow on the Alps.”

He doesn't elaborate on that, but Sam nods anyway, like he understands. He doesn't, like Bucky will never be able to fully understand what it means for Sam to carry the shield, but it's okay. They have each other, and that's still something.

Sam taps his foot against Bucky's bare one, watches Bucky's entire being exhale and relax. “Couldn't you have named her Snowflakes or something like that?”

Bucky levels him with a stare that tells him he would rather jump off another plane rather than calling his cat ‘Snowflakes’, and Sam laughs.

The far off look in Bucky’s eyes melts away and they fall into an easy rhythm, Sam sitting at the kitchen table and talking about some renovations he and Sarah would like to do to the house, Bucky cutting the vegetables to sauté.

They have moved on to argue about the best way to season chicken breasts – you cannot leave cayenne pepper out of the spice blend – when Sam catches a flash of white out of the corner of his eyes, and interrupts himself mid-rant.

A second later, Alpine jumps on the kitchen counter, sniffing the air.

It's been only three weeks since Sam last saw her, but she's already grown a lot, and looks much better too: her fur is shiny and clean, her eyes bright, and the slight sprain that caused her to limp around seems to be completely healed.

Alpine lets out a soft chirping sound and headbutts Bucky's arm, rubbing her head against him.

The smile Bucky turns to her is blinding, and Sam has to look away before he ends up doing something stupid, like climb over the table and kiss him.

“I know you're here for the chicken,” Bucky tells her, scratching her behind the ears. “But you can't eat this one.”

He scoops her up with a single hand, ignoring the disapproving meow that follows, and deposits her on the table right next to Sam's arm. Sam freezes, unprepared for the sudden proximity and recalling how quickly she can turn around and scratch, but as soon as Bucky's hand retreats, she is moving away, giving Sam a wide berth. She doesn't go back into hiding, though, just settles on the corner farther away from him and stares him down in a way that reminds him so much of Bucky, Sam doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry.

He is also struck by the sudden need to make Alpine like him.

“Is she gonna maul me if I try to give her a treat?” Sam asks.

Bucky tilts his head, considering, which does very little to reassure Sam about the safety of his fingers.

“I wouldn’t try hand-feeding her,” Bucky answers, fishing out a bag of treats from one of the cupboards. “But she likes to chase them.”

Alpine observes with quiet intensity as Bucky dumps a few treats into Sam's hands, and when Sam tosses one a few feet away she jumps down the table and runs after it, grabs it with a paw.

“Alright,” Sam declares, “that's pretty cute.”

Sam spends the next few minutes throwing treats at Alpine, inching them closer and closer to himself to test how willing she is to get near him with the proper incentive. The last one he places right in front of his feet, then he sits back and waits. Alpine hesitates, eyes flitting between him and the treat as to evaluate if it's safe enough, until finally she starts to move, slowly, slowly. She gets close enough to stretch her paw out, pull the treat towards herself and take it out of reach to eat somewhere else. Sam still takes it as a win.

Bucky clears his throat and announces that dinner is ready, so Sam leaves Alpine alone and helps him set the table.

Dinner is nice. Bucky makes a glazed chicken with honey and garlic that it's to die for, which Sam finds utterly unfair, considering he comes from a time where spices were believed to be a menace to the public.

He still goes back for seconds, and by the time they move to the living room to watch the movie, Sam feels full and content.

He finds Alpine curled up on one end of the couch, and while he believes they made some progress in their relationship, he doesn’t think either of them is ready to bring it to the next level, so he takes the seat on the other side, careful not to disturb her.

Bucky doesn’t say anything about it, just flops down between Sam and the cat with ease, his knee bumping into Sam’s.

This week they are watching the second movie in The Hobbit trilogy, if only for the horrified look in Bucky’s face when Sam told him that not only they made a movie out of the book, but that they actually managed to stretch it into three. Bucky, it turns out, is one of those people who notices every little changes from the original material, disapproves of them on principle, and is very vocal about his displeasure, exactly like the old man he actually is.

Sam had almost fell off the couch laughing during the first movie, and it had taken him a while to convince Bucky to give the other two a chance. Maybe it was a little assholey of him, knowing that it only gets worse, but just because he likes the guy it doesn’t mean Sam doesn’t want to subject him to some bad cinema for his own entertainment. After all, that’s what friends are for.

It doesn't take long for the comments to start up again. Bucky holds up for thirty minutes, rolling his eyes and grumbling under his breath from time to time, but then Legolas and Tauriel show up and Bucky turns his head to look at Sam, face completely blank, says, “Who the fuck are these people.”

Sam bursts out laughing, and it only gets worse when they reach the scene between Kili and Tauriel in the Woodland Realm: Bucky throws his hands up, exclaims, “Oh, come on,” and starts complaining about how they made the dwarf hot just to add a romance. It has Sam in stitches, and he has to grab onto Bucky's shoulder to stay upright and not end up falling into Bucky's lap.

The tirade ends with Bucky sulking and shaking his head, and Sam is glad for the temporary reprieve just so he can catch his breath. He feels flushed and warm, cheeks hurting from smiling, and the quiet is comfortable, familiar.

After a while, his eyes grow heavy, and he realizes he nodded off only when a light weight sets on his shoulder, jerking him awake.

The movie has ended, screen back on the Netflix title page, and Bucky fell asleep as well, head drooping until it had come to rest against Sam’s body.

The metal arm is glinting gold and blue in the light, and Sam stares down at it, then up at the lines of Bucky’s face, the soft waves of his hair. It always surprises him how vulnerable Bucky looks like this, how younger, and it’s so hard to remember there was a time Sam had actually been scared of him, of what he could do. Now, he would trust Bucky with anything. His life, his family, his home. His heart, too, if Bucky ever wanted it.

Sam knows he should wake him up, send him to bed so he can sleep comfortably there while Sam stretches out on the couch, but he also knows that Bucky still has trouble sleeping sometimes, and Sam doesn't have the heart to wake him up if it isn't really necessary. He’s well aware it's also a little bit selfish, because it's nice, having Bucky this close, warm and solid and smelling of lemon.

Sam takes a deep breath and rests his head on top of Bucky's. He thought he could handle this thing he has for Bucky, keep it under control, but he’s starting to realize he might have actually underestimated the size of his own feelings, which could become a serious problem in the future.

For now, though, Sam closes his eyes and lets himself have this.

The next time Sam wakes up, it's to something walking all over him. He blinks against the sudden light and when his vision clears, he finds Alpine sitting on his lap.

Sam stares at her, wondering for a moment if he is still asleep and dreaming all of this up, but his neck is sore, his arm heavy from Bucky resting against it in his sleep; there’s the beginning of a headache pulsing behind is eyes, and a pressure in his bladder telling him he should probably get up.

Alpine sniffs at his shirt and Sam tentatively raises his free hand, strokes a finger between her ears. She leans into the touch, head tilting up and guiding Sam's hand under her chin. Sam tries really hard not to shriek with delight.

“Oh, you're a sweetheart,” he says, a grin spreading out across his face. “Just like your owner. All tough and fierce on the outside, but adorable and charming on the inside.”

Alpine meows back at him, like she agrees with that statement, and Sam tenses up, glances at the steady rise and fall of Bucky's chest.

“We gotta be quiet,” he tells Alpine, petting her down her side. “We don't want to wake him up.”

“I'm already awake,” comes Bucky's voice next to him.

Sam's entire body jerks in surprise, and Alpine leaps off him, startled.

“Man, don't you do that ever again,” Sam says, a hand placed over his chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Bucky hums, sounding way more amused than he has any right to be, and sits up.

Blood rushes back into Sam's arm, and while Sam is glad to start feeling it again, he's already mourning the loss of contact between them. Except Bucky doesn't go far, just adjusts his position to angle his body towards Sam and rest his head on the back of the couch. It's easier to look at each other, like this, but they are now so close that Bucky's soft breaths are hitting the exposed line of skin above Sam's shirt, the hollow of his neck, making him shiver.

“So,” Bucky says, dragging the word out, lips tilting up at the corner. “I'm adorable and charming?”

Shit.

Of course Bucky would hear that, that's just Sam's luck. God, he is never going to speak again. He will take a vow of silence like in one of those monastic orders and move some place far and secluded where he won't be able to embarrass himself anymore.

He swallows, makes himself let out a laugh. It's meant to be mocking, but it sounds more nervous than anything else. “I think old age is making you hear things,” Sam still tries to deflect, “I clearly said annoying and self-centered.”

Bucky jabs him in the side with a metal finger. “Nice try, Samuel,” Bucky says, grinning widely. “But I've been told I'm a sweetheart.”

Sam's cheeks heat up. “I was talking about Alpine!”

He wonders if maybe T'Challa would let him hide in Wakanda for a while, just long enough for Sam to regain some kind of dignity. He hopes against all hopes that Bucky will have mercy of him and drop the subject, but of course Bucky doesn't. Sam wouldn't either, if their roles were switched.

“You said she is like her owner,” Bucky points pout, eyes bright and so very blue. He pokes Sam in the ribs again. “Which means, you think I’m a sweetheart, too.”

Sam bats his hand away. He may have embarrassed himself and he's lucky if he ends up this night without Bucky realizing Sam has feelings for him, but he is Captain frigging America. If he has to go down, he will go down fighting.

“What you are, it’s a nuisance,” Sam says. “And a creep. Who the hell pretends to be asleep when they are actually awake?”

“I wasn't pretending, you just assumed I was still sleeping.”

“Anyone would assume that, if you don't say anything.”

“I thought you were going to move as soon as you woke up, it's not my fault you didn't.”

“I was trapped between your heavy ass and your cat. What's your excuse for not moving?”

The argument comes to a halt, an awkward silence stretching between them as Bucky lowers his eyes, scratches the back of his neck. He clears his throat, shrugs.

“Your shoulder is nice,” he says in the end.

It's Bucky's turn to blush, a darker pink dusting his cheeks, and Sam feels like he missed something important.

“My shoulder?” Sam repeats.

Bucky doesn't answer him for a moment, then he straightens up on the couch, rolls back his shoulders like he is bracing himself. He looks up at Sam, and all Sam can see are his eyes.

“It’s comfortable,” Bucky whispers. “And I always sleep better when you’re around.”

Sam's mouth is suddenly very dry, and his heart is drumming against his chest in a way he has come to associate with diving down in midair, or dropping from a high place before his wings open up. This, too, feels a little like falling.

“Buck,” Sam says, because he thinks they are on the verge of something here, but he needs to be sure, doesn't want to mess this up and do something he's going to regret just because his head wants so desperately to see what's not actually there. “You gotta tell me if I'm reading this wro--”

Bucky kisses him.

It's a short kiss, just a soft press of Bucky's lips against his own and he's already gone, moving back to look at Sam with wide eyes, face open and vulnerable.

“Okay?” Bucky asks, and if he didn't sound so uncertain, like he's expecting Sam to push him away at any moment, Sam would laugh at how much of an idiot they both are.

Instead, he holds Bucky's chin between his fingers and pulls him back in. The kiss is deeper this time, turns into a wet slide of tongues and a harsh grate of stubble that makes Sam's insides feel tangled and hot. Bucky's arm slides around Sam's waist, and Sam moves his hand from Bucky's chin into his hair, grips it in a way that makes Bucky exhale sharply into his mouth. Sam wants to touch him everywhere, and he moves his free hand to do just that when a long, loud meow interrupts them.

They break apart just in time for Alpine to jump on the couch and sprawl in the space between them.

Bucky huffs out a small laugh, pets her from head to tail. He looks lovely, with his hair sticking up in odd places from Sam's fingers raking through it, his lips red from kissing, and Sam itches to go back for more, to lay him down and map every single part of Bucky's body with his mouth. He has, however, a horrible feeling about this.

“We will never be able to do anything with her around, won't we?” Sam asks, voicing his thoughts out loud.

Bucky sends him an amused smile. “Someone feels confident.”

Sam rolls his eyes, bumps their knees together. “Says the one who was about to climb on top of me.”

He's pretty sure he was the one grabbing and pulling Bucky closer, actually, but it doesn't seem like Bucky is going to call him out on it.

“It was a good kiss,” Bucky says, smile going soft at the edges, turning shyer.

“It really was,” Sam agrees, and because Sarah is always right, even if he'll never admit it in front of her, he adds, “Wanna go out on a proper dinner, see a movie? Maybe do the kissing part again?”

He's not expecting the way Bucky's lips drop down at those words, and Sam's heart sinks. Maybe he did read this wrong, after all. Maybe Bucky wanted to keep things casual, no string attached, and Sam just ruined everything. He tries to tell himself it was better to know that now, before things got too serious on his side, but it gives him very little comfort.

Bucky takes a deep breath, lets it out in a huff. “I don’t know, man,” he says. “If you make me watch another one of these godawful movies I’m afraid I'm gonna have to break up with you before this relationship even starts.”

Sam blinks at him, then bursts out laughing, sudden and loud. “God, you're an asshole,” he declares, but there's no heat behind it, and when he searches for Bucky's hand, Bucky intertwines their fingers together, places a kiss on the back of Sam's hand as an apology.

“I’m lucky you have terrible tastes, then,” Bucky says.

Sam really has questionable tastes, and if you had told him a few years ago that this was how his life was going to turn out, he would have probably laughed, or worse, tried to stop it from happening. But now, sitting there with Bucky grinning at him and Alpine purring between them, he feels lucky too.

[logan-is-noggin]

Wisdom Teeth

Summary: bucky takes care of you after getting your wisdom teeth removed.

word count- 1081

y/n woke up in a reclined chair that was covered in plastic, fluorescent lights flickered and she groaned from it stinging her eyes. a woman in matching blue shirt and pants with a paper mask pulled over her nose walked over to where she lay. " how are you feeling y/n? finally waking up, i see." she narrowed her eyes slightly at the nurse. " wath i not awake? i thought i wath." she said stumbling around the words. the nurse smiled. " you were napping for a bit while got our work done." " what wor-" she tried to talk around the gauze filling her mouth. the nurse stepped to the side of her chair. she reached her hand into y/n's mouth and pulled a red wet clump from one cheek, then the other. y/n looked up at her with disgust. " why am i bleeding!" " you had your wisdom teeth removed. your gums will be bleeding for a while, dont worry." you blinked a few times, your body suddenly feeling very heavy, letting yourself fall back against the chair. after placing new gauze in its place, the nurse stepped away leaving y/n with her thoughts. using her tongue, she counted her teeth. " one, two, three..." she mumbled. several times she had to start over because she couldn't figure out where tooth number fifteen started and tooth fourteen ended. while she was busy counting she didn't notice the nurse back with a wheel chair. the nurse pressed a lever that lifted the back of the chair to an upright position. " c'mon, your friends are here to take you home" she helped y/n stand up and sit down in the wheel chair. "-was counting." she complained, but the nurse just pushed the chair forward. the sudden movement made y/n's head spin and she gripped the arms of the chair. ' slow down!' but when the nurse didn't, she realized she musnt have said anything out loud. when y/n was brought into the waiting room of the hospital, bucky was at the front desk talking to the receptionist. she handed him a zip-lock bag filled with something and a few papers. the nurse had helped you out of the chair as bucky greeted you. " how are you feeling, doll?" you tilted your head in confusion" i thought i was a human." y/n proceeded to pinch a piece of skin to check that they were indeed still made of flesh. bucky shook his head. " they drugged you up good, huh?" he wrapped his covered metal hand around your waist and guided you out of the hospital. " you remember what you came here for?" bucky quizzed " of course. i sold them my teef-" y/n mumbled. you reached for your mouth, the gauze was beginning to bother you, but bucky took your hand in his " ah, ah. dont go messing with your mouth, you might mess up the stitches." " bu' mouf hurts' " you complained with a frown. y/n and bucky reached his car, Sam was waiting, his phone in hand. " we'll take care of the pain once we get home." he promised. you nodded. " can i drive?" you slurred reaching for the driver side door. " um no, id like to live please." Sam said as he laughed. you noticed Sam had his phone in his hand and he followed you with it. bucky opened the back seat and made you duck your head so you wouldn't hit it. " get in back with her so she doesn't try anything.." " why cant i drive?" Sam said back. " you didn't have to come with me, but you wanted to film her right?" Sam acquiesced and the three made their way home.

FRIDAY announced their return as they stepped out of the elevator into the compound. bucky still supported y/n as she walked, Sam followed, phone at the ready in case your drug attled brain came up with any more comedic ramblings. tony and Bruce were looking at a white board when Sam came up to them. it was also tonys idea to get y/n on camera after getting surgery, he had done the same when peter got his wisdom teeth removed the previous year.

" you guys have to watch this!" Sam said excitedly as he handed tony his phone, " just hit play.

the recording showed y/n in the backseat, she was writing something with her finger in mid air while she spoke " but the symbol for iron is Fe, and man is the same as male. so technically, iron-man translate to Fe- male. that makes iron-man a woman." then all that was heard was Sam and buckys laughter.

tony paused the phone and tossed it back " jokes on all three of you, peppers made that joke five times since mark II." bucky had taken y/n down one of the hallways that led to her apartment.it was so everyone that lived at the compound had a private space. he opened the door and helped y/n sit on her bed. she kicked her shoes off and pulled them under her. she tried to pull her blanket around her shoulders but it was stuck under her. when bucky came back with a glass of water he helped wrap the blanket around her. " 'kay, the doctor gave me this list to help you recover. " he opened the zip lock bag and pulled a pile of gauze out along with a smaller bag of capsules. " " first i gotta take the gauze out."  he had a piece all folded up at the ready. " open up doll.." so she did

" i miss you." bucky gave y/n a confused look as he reached into her cheeks to pull the bloodied gauze out. " what are you talking about, im right here." she shook her head. " no. we shouldn't 'ave broke up." she said, mouth fill of fresh gauze. bucky winced ever so slightly, knowing it wasn't right to talk about that subject with you inebriated. he handed y/n a pill and helped her take small sips till it went down. " we- we can talk about that stuff later, right now you should get some rest." y/n laid down, wrapping herself tighter in the blanket, and was soon asleep, the medicine quickly taking over. bucky watched her for a minute until her breathing evened out. he bent over, pressing a quick kiss to y/n's head before closing the door behind him as he left.

Part two

it was a few hours later since bucky had left y/n passed out in her room. bucky had spent all evening replaying those words in his head. thanks to the serum, he was able to hear when there were movements coming from y/ns room, and bucky went to go check on here, and more importantly, get some answers

bucky and y/n had dated for a while after she joined shield a while back, and bucky wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but when y/n broke things off after a measly four weeks of dating, it hurt.

bucky knocked on the semi open door of y/ns room and waited until she acknowledged him " hey, come in." she sounded much more sober than the last time they spoke. y/n was currently folding up a piece of gauze and tucking it into her gums where the teeth had been recently removed " whaths up?" she tried to speak around the cotton

" just wanted to check on you, see if you needed help." he said casually, " looks like the drugs wore off. you were acting pretty crazy for a while before." he said with a smirk.

" and i know the guys aren't gonna let me live down whatever i did to embarrass myself this time." she agreed. bucky sighed as he took a step inside the room further, " actually, i was hoping we could talk about something" he asked nervously, but y/n didn't seem to notice this and simply pat the spot on the bed, so bucky sat down

" before you passed out, i was changing your gauze, you said that you missed me. like, when we were dating.." y/ns eyebrows knit closer together " i did?" bucky nodded y/n shrugged " i guess i was just feeling sentimental. " she did remember the good moments they had together

" you also said you wanted to get back together. and i wanted to know, do you?" the question pained the both of them, and there was a silence that filled the space before y/n shifted in the bed " theres part of me that wishes we could, but i broke up with you remember?"

bucky nodded " i still think it was a sad excuse-"

" i know it was. but its the truth, my only experiences with guys lead up to me getting hurt. all forms of love ive witnessed only ends up with heartbreak, i was only trying to save you the trouble of getting attached and getting hurt like i did." she admitted.

"for what its worth, the last thing i ever want is to hurt someone,and how do you know if you never give us a real chance?" he asked

" you're right, and maybe once i dont have too many holes in my head, we could try again?" y/n asked softly. bucky leaned forward and kissed her forehead " id like that."

[yioh]

2020 follow forever :^)

hello it is, but i, ur local frog, yura, i really realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy wanted to make some kind of post to appreciate everyone on here because , fr, you guys have been such a large part of my life recently and i can not thank you enough... every single person i have interacted with on here has been so wonderful and it’s been such a pleasure to talk with you guys<3

also extremely extremely extremely sorry if i forget anyone, i really really do love every single person i interact with!! this is my first time doing something like this also this is probably filled with typos but im too impatient and lazy to read what i wrote, im so sorry if its weird or something aaaaaaaaaaaa jhdsgjhd

without further ado lets goooooo losers😎

@honeyedmilks sof u are one of the softest people i know, we didn’t get to talk that much this year but i love ur presence in general and it makes me :D when u pop up on my dash/notes hehe, i can’t express just how much i adore ur writing, the vibes and settings and the way u write in general is so my thing and !!!!!!!! <3 

@asianmelodrama faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u are mine and a lot of other people’s sunshine on this hellsite !!!! ur blog is so feel good and pretty and relaxing and i love all ur thoughts and ur gifs are soooooooooo pretty and ur so cool !!!!!!!! thank u for being so kind and creative and wonderful and for creating a place so safe and lovely i love u i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

@muscosus robin robin robin robin ILUSM !!!!!!! ur so fun to talk to and i find it so amusing that we met each other via druck but then consequently found all our interests colliding and we were literally *shook pikachu* kdhigjdghkjf also whenever u tag me in whale stuff it warms my heart so much and i treasure our friendship so so much !!!

@lesbiangoths OLIVIA why are u so adorable :( everytime u send me an ask im :) ur so creative and talented and ur crocheting stuff looks so COOL !!!!! also ur vibe is just immaculate in general and talking with u is so easy, never change ilu bro

@illiterateopossum ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur DEFINATELY one of the people on here that are MOST special to me, all our conversations are so freaking fun and man, u just get me .... and watching u get into all the dramas and anime i reccomend ??? it makes my heart doki doki hiagsjhjh thank u for always looking out for me and sending me the most loveliest messages, im really really bad with words and i am SHITE with keeping up with messaging but i seriously treasure our friendship so so much, i only hope for good things to happen to you next year and all the years after that, you’re such a kind wonderful person and !!!!!!!!!!!! i love u sm :(

@beesnutz KJDFKHIJFHKD GUSTE i wanna be emotional this one time and tell u that ur seriously such a fun person and the way my brain goes on overdrive from creativity when i talk to you is . insane. i want to bonk ur head with as much cereal as i can, never forget that you will always be the dumb sidekick to me, the superior villain and i WILL lead the way to world domination one day. sometimes i feel like u aren’t even real, you could be an anime character and i wouldn’t even bat an eyelash . ilu <3

@rosa-leche kana kana KANA :^) how are u so ???? sweet ???? adorable ???? wonderful ????? i already had so much fun interacting with you, all ur thoughts and messages are always so sweet and u make me smile SO much, and after the secret santa i feel like we have so much in common !!!!!!!!! do tell me if u ever watch bloom into you hehe, keep being the angel u are, ilusm !

@petekaos RAHUL !!!!!!!!!!!!! meeting u this summer feels like so long ago somehow, you sir!!! are one TALENTED person . it really really amazes me with how much passion you get into things and how much love and adoration you put into the things you create, its so so special .... anytime i see u vibing on my dash it fills me with so much joy, keep doing u bro !!!!

@toptaps zeeeeeeeeeeey you are so lovely :) you’re so gentle and soft and i adore talking with u about nanamin, also u are so cool and i was rly rly happy when u followed me lol, lowkey i admired u from afar jdhjkhdijd i love uuuuuuu

@fushiguroo MY LIL OREO CUTIE PATOOTIE oFC i still remember the first ask u sent me, i was so taken aback and honoured :( and the more and more i talked with you and saw you on my dash i was so happy, you have such good taste and you’re so so cute, take care of urself and stay the precious bean u are ok? 

@morksuns sumaya sumaya sumayaaaaaaaaaaaa everytime you interact with me im :D i love all our little convos and ur vibe in general is so peaceful and relaxing, im glad i got to meet you:’) here’s to another year and many more after that, that are filled with only good dramas !!!

@gayvlad NICO (nico niiiiiiiiiiiiii ) YOU DESERVE THE W O R L D. i dont know why but as soon as i had like one convo with u that one time i thought u were such a chill cool person :( im so happy that i get to be friends with you, all ur gifs are so pretty !!!!!!!! ur such a kind person and ur blog is such a warm nice place to be. :) 

@cupidhashorns   peach ........... PEACH !!!!!!!!!! you might be one of the nicest people in the WORLD , whenever u like my posts, regardless of whether u know what im on about lmao, i feel so seen... its just so nice to know that Someone i listening to the shit you throw into the void on this site lmao, i adore all ur asks and i truly truly appreicate all your messages so much. thank you for finding my blog interesting at all man, i cant tell you enough how happy you make me :)

@guihan arloooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY CAT FRIEND . THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS IMMEASURABLE your cats ................... are so cute .............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so glad i got into tsomd and got to meet you , whenever u tag me in things im !!!!!!!!! also im defo gonna read  twwtadsl sometime ksdjkdhjksd you make it sound so good aaaaaaaaaaaaa

@otterplush rey many people have probably already told you this but you are someone so ...... so spectacular and special and incredible and amazing ............  so much of your words has given me SO MUCH comfort in the short time i had known you, seriously. i seem to always stumble on your blog whenever im most hurt and your words have really had an impact on me in the best way possible and i love u so so so so much. i only wish for good things to happen for you and i want to be there for you in a way you are for everyone else !!! you are so warm and kind an generous, everything about your vibe feels so soft... also i always wanna rb everything you rb ndjbshs ur blog is so pretty :( 

@aheartandashirt nisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA MY KSH THIRST BUDDY KDHJKHDKJHDF fr ive had some of the BEST convos with you, ur taste in dramas is !!!!!!!!!!immaculate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so so so  fun talking with you and everything you gif looks so nice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for being such a lovely friend to me, you’re so easy to talk with and so friendly and nice and <3 *pat pat pat* 

@tetsuos dawn dawn !!!! you are !!!!!!!!!! such a talented person !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ur little corner on the web, its so nice to read all ur thoughts about the dramas you’re watching, all your thoughts are so well thought out and interesting to read and, in general, i adore seeing you do ur thing :) *hug hug * 

@heartsofsunlight angel ! your drawings are so beautiful !! you are such a beautiful person in general ! whenever u drop by it makes me so happy, its been so lovely getting to know you, thank you so much for talking to me :) i love uuuuuuu

@metawin jay jay jay !!!!!!!!!!!! for some reason whenever i see u im overcome with so much love !!! everything you make is so beautiful and u are defo one of the most elite people here hehe, also ur cats are ........ so adorable ............ 

@metawwin aliiiiiiiiiiiii, its been such a pleasure seeing you on here !! ur so soooooo kind and whenever u sent me those adorable asks it made me so happy, you’re like a little happiness fairy, you eminate so much joy and positivity !! also ur singing ... immaculate 

@87s min min !!!! u are soooooooooooo adorable, i think ive said this before but u seriously give me little sibling vibes lol, its so fun talking to you, and im so happy that you first popped up to me !!!!!!!!!!! iluuuuuuuu

@joblessquinoa JQ :^)    i always associate you with my engineer haha, and that was so long ago !!!!! ur so fun to talk to, and i adore seeing u rb and leave ur thoughts on all the manga and webtoons im reading !!!! in fact whenever u like my posts i aways feel so happy hehe, also . i literally wouldve failed my coding course without u thank u SO much for helping me out * cries* 

@gigiesarocha cata CATA CATA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  when you first popped up i was so elated to talk to you, u seemed so nice:( and later when u told me u watched joan’s galaxy because of me i was sdhfsgijdfhjkdhjkfh all ur gifs are so unbelieveably gorgeous, i literally go back to the set u made of yioh staring at joan skipping all the time, its so ........ beautiful.......... hopefully we get more wlw content next year and hopefully theyre all as good as joan’s galaxy hehe, iluuuuuuuuuu

@yibobibo aamna my love !!!!!!! how are you so precious ? everytime u reblog any of my posts its an instant serotonin boost, the experience of getting back into mdzs along with u was seriously incomparable, it was so FUN and i wanna go back :( ur such a friendly wonderful and talented person and i adore seeing all ur creativity blossom on this website, ilu aamna !

@brightwin JELLY jelly u are literally the human embodiment of the softest teddy bear in the WORLD . i wanna give u all the hugs and pats i can because u make me so !!!!!!!!! happy and u fill me with so much soft warmth ........... thank u for being u, all ur gifs are so pretty and its been so nice to be able to bask in the light that comes off of u, never change i love u so sooooooooooo much <3

and lastly, some blogs that i really really adore !

@kurusutakatsu @chanagun @yuhaosturtle @jiangyanlisgf @duoerla @yinyu @tichawongtipkanon @jbums @wenqing @lemongrasslesbian @weiixian @schech @kikuism @earthfluuke @0ffgun @yamaguccchi @wullu @seniorwitch @leoyunxi @floraflorenzi @dreamterlude @florbexter @doctorbahnjit

[ahwait-no-yes]

“Beautiful”

TW// ED?? Ish?? Just my experience and im not gonna self diagnose

(Read at your own risk!! I’d hate to trigger anyone hh)

i am looking away as i project instead of talk to people about it 

(Also Kaito and Kokichi are brothers but Ouma was adopted and uses his last name because he feels it’s still a part of him and yes they’re fine with it and yes he loves his parents and they love him) also me getting worse? more likely than you think —

= 

There’s a bit of progress.

Shuichi pushed his hand against his stomach, trying to flatten it as much as possible. He remembered reading somewhere that your lower stomach would never be perfectly flat, seeing as you had your intestines that were taller than you in there.

You probably can if you try hard enough.

Shuichi grimaced once he looked at his face, running his hand through his hair. When was the last time he showered? He probably should. He cupped his face, gently squishing his cheeks. His face looked slimmer than before.

This is good. This is progress. We won’t go too far, we just wanna loose a few pounds. There’s nothing wrong with that.

He softly smiled at his reflection, ignoring the slight shaking in his hands. He didn’t want to go too far. He heard that not eating can cause hair loss. He didn’t want that to happen, so he wouldn’t go to far.

You’re doing good. This is good.

Shuichi laid back down, gently rubbing his forehead. Were his hands always this shakey?

Probably. It’s nothing to worry about, you can still write and draw fine if you need to.

He frowned at the familiar feeling of discomfort, yet his stomach didn’t growl. Maybe his body was just adjusting. He remembered reading somewhere that not eating just makes you gain more weight.

Which, probably wasn’t true. You look skinnier when you don’t eat.

He pulled out his phone, typing a question into google.

How many calories should 18 year old boy eat?

2,400

He thought about it. He definitely didn’t eat that many. A hot pocket and instant ramen. How much was that? 

Hot pocket is 600 calories.

He looked it up.

371 calories.

Yeah, he’ll be fine. He feels fine. Shuichi looked at himself in the mirror, feeling panic wash over him. He didn’t look skinnier. Had he gained weight? He hadn’t weighed himself in a while. It was possible. He only ate two things. That wasn’t a lot.

Except that slice of cake was a lot.

Shuichi laid back down, curling up in a ball. He wrapped his fingers around his wrist. They could still touch. He sat back up, ignoring how he felt dizzy and how his vision darkened for a second. He pulled down his shirt collar, running his hand over his collar bone. It was more apparent now. Not all of his work had gone to waste. He wasn’t going to make himself throw up. He didn’t want to throw up and have to deal with the burning pain in his throat that would last for hours, or feel the lack of energy after it. When was the last time he drank water? He glanced at the half filled water bottle, grimacing. Water doesn’t have calories, but it would make his stomach more obvious. 

He wasn’t that thirsty anyway.

— 

Shuichi sat down with his friends, who were currently talking about getting together to study. He wasn’t really paying attention, his mind seemed a bit hazy. Not too much, luckily. When an ad of someone eating came up, he frowned.  It never made sense how people could just eat without worrying about what would happen. 

Maybe he was just a little scared of food. No big deal. The thought of eating just made him feel sick and scared.

“Hey, are you listening Shuichi?” Kaito suddenly asked, one of his eyebrows raised. Saihara sheepishly smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying?” “We all said that were gonna meet up this Saturday at 2 pm. Is that good?” Kaito asked, his usual confident smile on his face. “Yeah, I don’t have any plans,” Shuichi replied, tugging on a loose string. “Great! We’ll see you there!” —

This whole thing was a bad idea.

The five of them, consisting of Kaito, Kaede, Harukawa, and Ouma (including himself) were cramped into a small booth. Ouma kept throwing small bits of food at Kaito when he wasn’t looking, Kaede kept trying to stop Ouma, (though, he kept crying whenever she said anything about it) and Harukawa kept glaring at him from across the table. Shuichi didn’t have time to look over the food, (calories, really) so he just chose something that sounded good. It ended up being soup, which he was mostly fine with.

Mostly fine with.

Shuichi didn’t want to eat. He wasn’t hungry. He ate enough yesterday. “Hey, Saihara chan! You okay? You look like you swallowed a whole rock!” Kokichi chirped, an excited smile on his face. Shuichi just nodded, pulling at the loose hoodie he was wearing.

He’d be fine. It was just a bowl of soup. It’s not a big deal.

He just stirred the soup, trying to think of ways to quickly finish it.  The loud noise felt so overwhelming. He just wanted to leave. To go back home. “I’m gonna be right back,” Saihara abruptly stood up and left to the restroom. He just needed some time to think, to calm down. He quickly locked himself in a stall, leaning against the door. 

He felt so, so sick.

Saihara took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes. He was overreacting. If he didn’t eat, his friends would suspect something. He didn’t want to answer any questions about eating, so he’d have to eat. He shouldn’t be having to deal with this. He missed being able to eat and not think anything of it. He didn’t know when this started. It felt as if,

this,

had been going on for as long as he could remember. Shuichi rubbed away the tears that had managed to slip out. He shakily took a deep breath, (was it always this hard to do anything?) and opened the door. He didn’t say anything when he saw Ouma waiting at the entrance. “Heya Saihara chan!” Ouma walked up to the other, a soft smile on his face. “Uh, hey,” Saihara muttered, splashing his face with water. “Soo! You okay? You looked a tinyyy bit upset earlier!” “I’m fine, I just had a headache,” He murmured, the lie easily slipping off his tongue. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but not exactly the truth either. A half truth at the best. Kokichi hummed in acknowledgement. “So, are you gonna leave because of that nasty headache?” He asked innocently, tilting his head. Trying to find holes in his story. “Maybe, I don’t want it to get worse,” He replied. More lies, more half truths. Ouma just nodded, still staring at him. Shuichi finished washing his hands and quickly dried them off, shoving them into his pockets.

Was he always so cold?

“Well, uh, I’m gonna go home. Can you tell them why? I don’t wanna interrupt  them,” He looked away, fidgeting. Kokichi just nodded and placed his hands behind his head. “Sure thing Saihara chan!” — Shuichi was laying down, tears running down his face. Things were getting worse and worse, and he felt so helpless. He kept trying his best, sleepless nights studying and memorizing things he’d probably never have to use.

It didn’t matter anyway, it was never enough. He wasn’t enough.

Everything hurt. He hadn’t eaten for a while. He had two bites of egg, but it made him feel so nauseous and guilty he just threw the rest away when no body was looking. He was tired. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t do much other then watch the clock tick away, waiting for the day to be over.

A knock at the door.

Shuichi, of course, ignored it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, and didn’t want to deal with his heart feeling it was going to beat out of his chest and his vision blacking out for a a few seconds.

Though, he had gotten used to it.

The knocking continued. Shuichi groaned and stood up, grabbing onto his dresser so he wouldn’t fall. His vision took longer to clear up, and he still felt dizzy. 

It’s just an inconvenience. Don’t worry about it.

He stumbled over to the door, taking a second to rub his head in hopes it would clear up the dizziness.

Spoiler alert, it didn’t work

. He opened the door, staring at Ouma grinning up at him. “Hey Saihara chan!  Fancy seeing you here!” He exclaimed, eyes shining in excitement. “I live here,” Shuichi deadpanned, quietly sighing. “I know!” Kokichi chirped, gently pushing past Shuichi and walking in the house. “Uh, Ouma kun, why exactly are you here?” He asked, closing the door and following him. “Oh, you know,” He very helpfully replied, a nonchalant expression on his face. “But hey! Since I’m here, why don’t we do something fun!” He abruptly said, spinning around to face the other boy. “I don’t know, I’m kinda busy,” He replied, avoiding eye contact. “Busy with what?” Kokichi asked, getting closer to his face. Saihara backed away, looking uneasy. “With stuff,” he vaguely replied. Ouma sighed, grabbing his hand, only to let go a second later. “God Shumai, why’re you so cold?” He asked, pouting. Shuichi just muttered something, messing with the loose sleeves of his hoodie. It was quiet for a few seconds. Kokichi kept staring at Shuichi, trying to figure *something* out. Saihara kept shifting in place, feeling more and more panicked as the seconds passed. “We can watch a movie then!” Ouma suddenly exclaimed, a soft smile on his face again. Shuichi just nodded, nervously smiling back. “Do you have popcorn?” He asked. Shuichi just mumbled, “Yeah, probably.” After a few minutes, they put on a random movie and had a bowl of popcorn sitting in between them. Kokichi offered some every now and then, only for Shuichi to say no everytime.

He could just grab some.

“I’m gonna be right back, you don’t have to pause it,” Shuichi muttered, standing up. He still felt a bit dizzy, and standing definitely didn’t help. Kokichi just nodded, eyes glued to the screen. Shuichi locked himself in the bathroom and took a deep breath. It used to be he was hungry but didn’t eat. But now, the smell and thought of food made him feel nauseous.

You could eat and make yourself throw up.

He grimaced. It wouldn’t be difficult, really. He could just stick two fingers into his mouth until he threw up. He could. It’d be easy. It’d be no big deal. He shakily sighed, covering his face. He didn’t like throwing up. It hurt, and it made it even harder to breathe. It was also just gross. 

But it might make things a but easier. You don’t have to force yourself to throw up, but you can try. Like drinking a lot of water.

.

Yeah, he could do that.

After a few laboured deep breaths, he left the bathroom and sat back down on the couch. Kokichi continued the movie (though, he didn’t have to pause it,) and smiled at him. Shuichi smiled back, wrapping the blanket around them.

Why did he feel so scared? So sad? It didn’t make sense, he was fine right now.

“You ok Saihara chan?” Kokichi quietly asked, still staring at the screen.

He’s really not. He’s not. He’s not ok. He needs to talk to someone. Something’s wrong.

“Yeah, it’s nothing,” He murmured, taking a deep breath. Ouma just nodded and gently grabbed his hand, just loose enough so he could pull away if he wanted. Saihara squeezed his hand, trying to ground himself. He was

fine.

Ouma squeezed back, a small smile on his face. 

Is it really a white lie if you don’t think it’s a big deal?

—————

Hm - DA ☄️✨

✧༺♥༻∞

yyeah ouch I wish I could him a hug,, the line “He couldn’t do much other then watch the clock tick away, waiting for the day to be over.“ hit me very hard so that’s what I based this end doodle on (-JJ)

[rurifangirl]

aight. here somes the ask lore thingie

tw for ppl readin: mention of mental illness, father mention

firstly, how did rui end up meetin the rest of the gang? did they all have sum sort of run in? did they just happen to meet on exident?

also is the father a villain? i remember ya mention him, and was wonderin

and do they have a specific place where they stay? like in a dormstory, a single house, do they live in a single town, or in completly different places?

do any of them suffer from mental/physical illnesses? if they do, how does it affect their life/relationships w others?

Aight, so here we go, be ready cuz shit's long.

(1st part - The Rui n the gang meeting; The Shou meeting) No Tw

Honestly, I also kinda wanted to do this for quite a long time, so I'm gonna firstly talk about how the gang (w/o really mentioning the others name's since they're gonna get introduced soon) met itself and decided to form, and then I'll individually do It in Lyva's and Shou's case, specifically Shou's since i mentioned that his meetin was somethin id have to take care of in another post, so i will rn.

First things first, w the whole gang. Now It wasn't really casually, mainly because Lyva n Rui did meet up, but It was during a special occasion still, that being a really important manifestation in one of the main regions in my oc universe. (They don't have name's yet so pls don't bash me🤡) Them being primarly the Forest, where Rui eventually lives in after all of his past shit, the near-countryside part, where Lyva was living, a pretty much city living on water, where Shou's currently living, and many more, as such the dunes with which I'll introduce Qiran (hopefully tomorrow/today),The sea itself, some High up places and as I said many, many other more. Other than this brief intro, they meet up where Lyva used to live, but mainly because of problems and out of conviniance.

Everyone had something to take back from, so they agreed to help eachother to reach that end, so it's all really planned. Now i won't really go w Lyva, cuz i explained how she met Rui the first time n how they helped her, so I don't need to ramble more on this. Now I'm gonna go w Shou's part though.

This Is more of a note i wanted y'all to know first, cuz i really like how Lyva n Rui met him the first time (cuz the second time was when the gang then all agreed to form n all that jazz.). Basically, Rui n Lyva were out, n visiting new places as such, to prepare themselves further and to try and search for more weapons, cuz they both knew that they'd eventually get in trouble, and even though they still are good, they wouldn't stand much a chance, n since Shou's Place is known for its production they decided to go. N fun fact, there's many funny shit that happends, for example Rui tries to touch a fish, but gets SLAPPED by It. They're still mad >:[. Ajkskdj anyways, some other stuff happends n they just, lose themselves. They had a map ofc but still managed to do so. But Rui was usin It so, I don't really blame em for gettin lost.

Shit happends n they find themselves pratically in front of his shrine/palace. Shou's servitors (cuz he saw everything happend from afar n gave them the okay) brought em in, but rather than makin em idk some tea n just making them recouver, Shou rather put them under some "tests" w/o tellin em, to see if they were any use.

For example he brought them some cups of tea, but before drinking them Rui noticed somethin unusual in the water, so they gave Lyva a sign to not drink It, n as Shou asked as a reason why they just replied that they weren't thirsthy, leavin Shou in a kind of defeated state. Bitch if i love this part honestly, there's so much fun to seein all of their reactions, but I'm gonna go brief rn. So other of this tests pass later n Shou eventually gets upset cuz they're all winnin n seemingly makin fun of him, lettin him in a weaket standpoint, n a fight happends. Even though it's a 2v1 situation he can still manage pretty well, so It ends in a draw. They get to talk after this and get to understand that they don't have to necesseraly be on the opposite side, though Shou Is still unsure whether to belive in that or not.

After they leave him, pratically almost alone w only a bunch of servitors helpin him. He admits defeat n won't show up until the event and yadayada. (Also it's during this weak time of his he'll meet Qiran which i already have plans w so it's all goin to be said bout their relationship in their post.)

(2nd part, the father mention.) Tw:father mention

So it's true that w Shou i did mention his father, but I'm not entirely sure bout his involvment honestly. In theory he kind of is a villain itself, even because of his devilish nature, so it's true, but im not sure whether to make him an independent villain or part of a group of them. But rather than that yes, i do want to make him some sort of villain in the end, because that's also part of Shou's agreement to be part of the group. I will make concept art for him so he'll definetly be involved. Not gonna lie, mabye that bastards also involved w Rui's cult too in a way or another but im givin in too many details holy shit I'll never get outta this fuck

(3rd part- where do they live) No Tw

They live in their own homes honestly, but It would be no surprise if they'd all decide to sleep over someone in specifical, though they have their own place. I made some concepts for Rui's intern home, which here It Is 😤 (forgive me for the bad quality but it's 2 am rn 🤡) I made this a while ago but only did Rui's, so I'll do Lyva's, Shou's n the other one's too. They live in different places, for the exception of, atm, Qiran, since I'm gonna say that they're more of a traveller n don't have a stable home.

(4th part- the mental/physical ilnesses) Tw: Self harm and Mental ilness mention

Well, this Is gonna be a ride. They all suffer from Ptsd, which Rui n Shou suffering from It the most. It still affects them all, though in different occasions, so Imma just do them in specifical. (Also because i gotta add some shit to shou that i didn't wanna add because i thought It was too much honestly)

Rui-

It affects them really much. They use crystals n gems to avoid anything going w their past or anything remotely related It, as whenever they feel awful about havin those flashbacks when they still were a child. They never want to talk about what happened, n during their moments It gets really, really bad. Both emotionally and physically, as their body sometimes cannot handle anything so it completely shuts down. They never really got any help for It as Rui's too scared to share bout their experience, both because of trauma itself that doesn't make them say anything even if they wanted to and because of the cults influence, so either way they've got to handle It by their own.

Lyva-

Other than havin to deal w mornin sickness, which Is the least for her, she has to deal w her neglectful childood and how desperate she's always been for litteraly anythin, whether it's related about love,friendship, food, toys, anything. She tried to seek for help and semi found It, but as of now she can't keep up w It and has better things to take care of. It's still really bad overall, but she's hoping for things to get better. Spoiler It really won't.

Shou-

⭕Tw for sh⭕

It's... really fucking bad. I'm gonna get outta this w saying something i didn't want to add because it's really triggerin, but im gonna do It now. So basically, I've mentioned them acting feminenly for his own mother, but i didn't say what would've happened if he displeased her. She would just stare down at him and whispering some awful shit or names. This would happen especially whenever he'd slip off that mask of his or revealed even a tiny bit of his devilish essence. Note that he's still a child here. So, best thing he could to was to "punish" himself, which basically consists of him scratching his arms too much and, i don't really want to continue this, forgive me but it's kind of triggering even for me. But...you can guess what he's doing, since he even to this day still keeps sharp nails. I'm sorry for putting this, but it's another way to show how his mother fucked him up and now suffering from this.

I'm sorry for rushin the last part but i'm not personally vibing w it.

Tags undercut

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx (I'm really unsure bout taggin ya in this ;-;)

If you want your tag removed, dm me cuz it's 3 am at the moment n i may have messed em up. (I'm not gonna recheck tomorrow so that's why)