#it was a long day and i'm tired lol
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[ day 4: sun ]
ππ‘ππππ πππ€ππ¦π π πππππ ππππ€π π‘π π‘βπ π π’π πππππππ πππ¦π π‘ππ βππ πππ‘βππ πππ‘ππ π€πππ ππππ’ππ βππ ππππ. πβππ π βπ π€ππ π£πππ¦ π¦ππ’ππ, π βπ π€ππ’ππ π‘πππ π‘π ππ‘ ππ ππ πππππ¦πππ π‘π π ππππππ. π΄π π βπ πππ‘ πππππ, π βπ π€ππ πππ π ππππ ππππ’π‘ βππ πππ πππππ‘πππ, ππ’π‘ π΄ππππ πππ€ππ¦π π πππππ π‘π πππ‘πβ π‘πππ¦ πππππππ ππππβπππ πππ π‘βπ πππ¦π π‘ππ.
#ffxiv#miqo march#miqo march 2024#miqomarch#miqomarch 2024#wolkid#wolgraha#wolraha kid#oc: stella-crys raha#mixed race#part miqote#part auri#miqote#au ra#forgive me for not photoshopping the scales today#it was a long day and i'm tired lol
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a little wip (cropped) for kagero's bday! missed drawing this ship!
anyway, i'm not really satisfied with the direction this one is going (happens A LOT) so i might just scrap it and try again some other time (like in a year lol)
#fire emblem#fire emblem fates#fe kagero#fe orochi#kagerochi#fe:if#fe14#my art#sometimes it feels like i'm drawing the same thing a thousand times lol#i guess i've drawn couples for way too long#speaking of which#i'm working on my day 6 piece#not sure if i'll finish today though as i'm still tired#this one was just gathering dust in my wip folder#started a month or so ago#i can't draw so much so fast lol
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I've been seeing a lot of posts lately talking about how no one comments/reblogs/replies/etc anymore, and, as someone who comments regularly on a lot of fanworks, it sometimes makes me wonder if my efforts are worth anything. Then I remember how much happiness I get from comments on my own work/posts and how much the community of fandom can matter, and I remember the power that can be found in spreading joy instead of disappointment.
So -- to everyone who comments on fanfiction: thank you. You make the writing process worthwhile and so very rewarding. You make people happy every day.
To all the people who reblog art and gifsets and meta and anything else with enthusiastic tags: thank you. You make people smile and promote interesting conversations and make being on Tumblr so much more fun.
To anyone who sends people asks about their works, whether it's unprompted or part of an ask game: thank you. You give people reasons to talk about things they love and feel like a part of a community.
To the people who makes reclists: thank you. You give us more to read while showing the author how much their work is loved and appreciated, benefitting so many people.
To everyone who organizes events and groups and blogs and dedicated to fandom: thank you. You build community and love and excitement so effectively and it's wonderful.
To all the authors and artists who respond to comments and build community: thank you. You make people smile with your work and then again with your response.
To everyone who contributes to fandom and community in all the other beautiful, varied ways that I can't even begin to list: thank you. You are why we're here.
And, finally, to every writer, visual artist, gifmaker, cosplayer, maker of edits, writer of meta, or creator of art in any other form: thank you. Your work is wonderful and you make fandom what it is, regardless of who sees your art or how much response you recieve.
Keep going, everyone. You are a part of something beautiful.
#wren talks#fandom#writing#fanfiction#ao3#tumblr#writerblr#i get tired of seeing posts like 'things used to be so much better and no one comments anymore'#or 'no one reblogs things on this site these days'#it's such an oversimplification#like. of course people reblog! i reblog!! i am people! so are my mutuals and they also reblog!#LESS interaction doesn't mean NO interaction and saying it does erases the efforts of people who do interact#also this can vary SO much depending on your fandom and ship and how long you've been around and so many other factors#like the commenting culture in the silm fandom is incredibly different from that in the witcher fandom#star trek is closer to witcher but there're a few major differenes#can't speak for other fandoms but i'm sure there are other significant differences#and they also change over time#anyway all this to say that i think encouraging people works way better than complaining#and at its core fandom is an exchange of love#that should be based in positivity#but this got long whoops#hopefully it's vaguely coherent#ok tag rant over now lol
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Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)
#gw2#sylvari#artgallery#mourynn#mourynn art#I've just been so tired lately bc of work#also just going a bit stir crazy with the silence (lonely; but alas I unfortunately suck at starting convos bc I have nothing interesting t#talk about and work has been draining my social energy; making it even harder :( (I'd rather burn the social energy with friends yknow?)#it's getting a wee bit better; but I haven't had much time or energy to even game while we're in the midst of our busiest season :(#I miss hanging out and chatting with my buds; but the universe insists on keeping us apart :(#just miss having something to look forward to throughout my day. Been trying to fill it with other things; but the depresso is overriding i#Mostly just been me with my thoughts and that is just bad bc I got so many horrors in there lmao.#I wanna at the very least; draw more or game more to distract from it; but work is sapping all my time and energy from it.#but also it's very quiet on my end and it's kicking my overthinking into overdrive so I#Ive just been fighting with my mind lately lmao#hopefully this will all pass soon so I won't obsessively keep thinking about it loll#lol I'd post this in the servers but it's vent art so it feels a bit weird to do; so it's going straight to home video w/o a theater releas#hopefully once work calms down it'll help#(I have so many long shifts makes me so frustrated bc I hate them and I run out of steam half way through)#other than all that I'm doing fine lol. My brain's always been like this; But I usually only get like this during the winter season#(bc of the holidays making everything quiet and also the SAD) so it feels weird having this exact same feeling happen to me in July lol
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Day 7: Derek Day! He deserves all the smooches uwu @derek-week-event
#I can't believe I did all 7 days I'm tired now lol#but it was such a fun challenge#now I need to take a long break and play the Derek DLC over again lol#derek x mc week#derekmcweek#olba derek#derek x mc#derek suarez#derek week#my art#my artwork#our life#our life beginnings and always#olba#our life mc#crow draws stuff ig???
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like π they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence π#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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#i spent 3 days without electricity internet and mobile signal due to the attack#which isn't that bad comparing to those blackouts last year#but still#had panic attacks againg bc wasn't sure how long it would last#i could only go online for like 15 minutes at a location far from home#I'm so tired#i can't event die wtf#i really envy those who have hope#because I have none left#neither any reason to go on#they say if you have something worth living you can live through anything#must be nice#who even cares though#it's not important enough now isn't it lol
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I'm still writing... unfortunately work has been really busy again so I definitely won't be able to finish chapter 4 by the end of the month like I planned.... π but I'm nearly done, I'll keep working π«‘
#I'm going to try to rest well#to be able to work on it some on the weekend#to be honest... I'm a little frustrated......#normally I write 4-5 days a week#but because of work and being so tired and busy#I've only been writing for 3 days each week π#I'm so tired when I get home and then on the weekend#I have chores and I also just want to relax lol#I'm trying to tell myself that it's life and I can't control it#but it's so frustrating#to see the progress of my fics go down#when it's outside of my control.....#bahhhhhhhh#thank you as always for your patience....#I'm sorry for contracting slow writer disease (cry)#this chapter is long tho to compensate!
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x
#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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Minnie sweetheart you are absolutely right in saying that a lot of the behaviour that certain 'fans' exhibit is entitled and crosses boundaries and a lot of them were saying that he was doing the Apprentice role because he agrees with that man...which I mean what even is that?? How can they be fans and have such a wrong idea of who Sebastian is when he's always been authentic in interviews and has made his position on a lot of issues very clear
But from what I've seen...a lot of the discourse came from spaces that are not necessarily Sebastian specific. So a lot of the people commenting were not fans but people who had seen him in the MCU but knew nothing else about him...and he proved them wrong as well last night when he called Tr*mp a hypocrite and basically put his media training aside and said what was on his mind. And don't get me wrong...Sebastian doesn't have to prove anything to anybody, but I'm glad he did it so that people outside the fandom can be aware of his stance as well.
And all this does is show me one shouldn't judge a book by the cover because the Apprentice is clearly a critique of not only *that man* but also as Sebastian has repeatedly mentioned in interviews it shows the dark side of the ambition and the American dream
Oh NO, I totally missed this one! I'm so sorry, lovely! Thanks for sending me this, although I feel like it was a while ago..?
And aahh I see, yes. I can imagine there may have been people out there who just knew *of* Sebastian and who weren't necessarily fans, who were wondering if him being in a movie about trump might mean that he supported him. But at the same time... You'd only have to look into what the movie is about, read a review or two, and you'd know that is very unlikely, right? Assuming something based on limited information is one thing, I guess we all do that sometimes, but to then go online and create discourse and criticise someone (especially an actor), without educating yourself first? That's just silly, imo. I guess it's a nice idea that people will see him criticising trump and immediately know that he's not a supporter, but that would've also been pretty easy to gather with just a little but of googling (or by actually watching the movie first).
But I don't know, maybe I expect too much of people π In any case, I think you're right, there is more to the movie than just trump bashing, and Sebastian has been very articulate about that in his interviews recently! Let's just hope people see that as well ππ»
#sorry#I'm not very articulate myself tonight#I'm very tired and had a long day#I tried lol!#sebastian stan#the apprentice#minnie answers
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:(
#it's 8 o'clock#and i'm tired#and i'm sad#i want to do something else#but i need to get this done#but i'm not Doing it#it's not working#(angel neil is being really mean to me)#and i really shouldn't have taken so many asks last week#i knew i was burnt out but i was still like 'i can manage it! i can do it' but alas#it's killing me for some reason (the burn out)#and the depression has been on High this week#so that didn't help#but this is all i do you know? like#i think of wipw as my fucking job because i don't actually have one (is useless irl)#so when i 'fail' at writing it makes me really upset#like i love writing and i love my fics but i just spent the last few days hating them and not even wanting to look at them#like that makes me sad too! why do i get like this? what is actually wrong with me?#(a lot i'm sure. with these highs and lows i'm starting to suspect Things)#anyway long story short: writing is hard and i'm tired and i wish my house didn't suck and i wish i had money and i wish i wasn't a#diaerie#dep#lol if you read all this you deserve a cookie. i don't have any but i do have some cinnamon rolls
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Still packing stuff and now i'm looking for a box for this.
My dad and i made it a few years ago for halloween, probably 2015/16 if i'm remembering right. It's made from a lays can, a wipes container from his work, and paper machΓ©. I don't remember what the wires and front metal bits are from, but the middle actually lights up! It has one of those long battery-powered emergancy lights in it and some colored tissue paper
#lee rambles#I gotta fix the metal bits on the front#they keep coming out of place and drooping down. maybe some hot glue'll work since i don't want to melt the styrofoam under the paper#I went as Chell that year#with a shitty handmade Aperature Science shirt lol#Also as a sidenote since i'm already talking a bunch in the tags#I have no idea if we're actually going to be able to afford to move or not#so we're kinda thinking about staying where we are and seeing how things go over the next few years#i know it's in my dad's will to sell but with how expensive rentals are i doubt we'd be able to afford 2k+ a month on top of our other bills#I just hope my Uncle doesn't give us too much shit about it. We didn't get much from the life insurances he had#definitely not enough to live on for long on its own#but 800 a month for the house is a lot more doable than 2000#we don't want to end up having to kill ourselves working just to make ends meet. That's probably what would happen if we moved#i dunno#just... thinking a lot about the future. I honestly hope we stay#It'd get rid of a lot of stress if we stayed. We'd still get rid of a bunch of things but... it'd be easier.#We weren't even really allowed to grieve. once the funeral was over we just had to start packing our lives away.#i'm a little bitter about it really. They've gotten to grieve and be away from the situation. We've had to be there the whole time.#We might've all been there the day he passed but they weren't there for his bad days. They weren't there helplessly watching as he slowly#got more and more tired. and sick. and depressed.#I don't know what we're going to do.#I didn't mean for this to turn all venty. sorry about that if you've read this far
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long πππ I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably goneβ#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is theβ#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me βhey girl he's rightβ#outsideβ and like ππππππ I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer whichβ#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had beenβ#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like πππ#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything πππ Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so πππ#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love ππ#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away πͺπͺ I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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bleh
#blabbering#rambling/whining/complaining/venting ahead:#I think the horrors have finally caught up to me and the depresso is starting to take hold#i don't usually experience this until winter but I think the sudden drop of activity and people going on hiatus and such -#has triggered this early for me#basically I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long or i start spiraling REALLY badly.#i don't really handle change very well haha...#i have the notorious curse of second guessing anything and everything and putting it on repeat in my head and then amplifying it#which sucks bc I don't have any more escapisms that work now bc this was already my escapism and I have no human connections irl#(I'm not kidding either. I've failed time and time again to make friends irl and was always the proactive one about it. But alas... ugh)#my only source for connections is online bc i struggle to make friends (especially at my age and how my energy keeps depleting and depletin#might lowkey be sharkweek but usually I just get more agitated and not this (this is very specific to the winter horrorsβ’ for me)#i guess I may as well check out the spears while they're around still (tho in between me making dinner). I'm just feeling super bummed out#and not excited like I was the other day about it (ofc I blame the depressoβ’).#I don't even know what to do for my beta characters. Head empty. Head gone. sigh.#also it sucks bc next week is gonna kick my ass at work (canada day/july 4th/july in general/5 DAYS and long shifts in there too)#i'm going to be so tired and so alone and with nothing to look forward to. Idk what to do bc none of my usual distractions are effective no#No escape. No seretonin. No company. Nothin'. I notice I when i start getting bad like this when I fall back hard into pokemon#(because it was my childhood escapism and I was a neglected only child who was left alone a lot; hence the connection lol)#i'll probably just have to suffer through it and be an absolute wreck of a person i think. I don't really have any other options#watch me get sick again bc canada sucks to work bc everyone has it off and they ALL GO TO THE STORE I WORK AT AND IT SUCKS.#gonna try to draw more too but the depresso is eating my brain worms (the healthy brain worms)
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==>We're okay
We're okay
We're okay
Pale for you
==> MISSION DEBRIEF: Complete ==> Restart?
#CYOA: Mission Debriefing#nudity tw#WHEW#scraping by under the wire on this one lmao#queueing thirty minutes past my bedtime on the day I have to go back to work#If I am tired for my whole night shift it will be my own fault but also worth it lol#because if I don't finish these CYOAs in one long uninterrupted frenzied rush I never pick them back up and finish them#Karkat ''uh actually fuck you i'm five foot five and a HALF'' Vantas would never lower himself to be the small liquid-optimized utensil!!!#not even for Gamzee ''i dunno man tall I guess?? slippery-ass numbers." Makara who is like a foot+ taller than him#he is the PROTECTOR here exCUSE you
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow π and the day after that π and the day after that π#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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