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brad-bakshi-loves-bugs · 2 years ago

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hey there!! as someone who loves writing (but never posts) but hates reading OOC fics, i need your advice, if you're willing!

how do you find that pocket of in-character, while still fitting the storyline?

sorry if this sounds delirious and jumbled. I really admire your writing and wafwaf :)

okay, this is going to sound absolutely ridiculous and I have NEVER told anyone this before EVER, and I have no idea if this is something other people do or if im just a fucked up human being, but here me out:

so basically. I roleplay with myself. like, I spend a lot of time alone (which is fine im just a Huge Introvert) and I get bored easily, so when I was a lot younger I would just pretend to be my favorite characters from media and then when I was alone id talk and act like them and pretend to talk to the other characters in their universe. it helped me flesh out their backstories and behaviors, and with the added bonus that it gave my young ADHD brain something to do that wasn't destructive in any way. so like. it's kind of like larping, because im somewhat acting out what im roleplaying, but im not dressing up and it's just me, alone, pacing around my house. in hindsight it IS kind of pathetic and maybe I should tell my therapist about it, but if there's one thing you should know about me it's that I do NOT like being me and so I pretend to be other people as an escape.

well. in doing so, naturally, im going to get better at acting out the mannerisms of each character. and by that point, if you can act it out, then you can write it out. im very much a visual learner, so being able to picture the exact gestures and expressions each character would make while they talk etc helps SO much with writing! and sometimes I even take notes about specific mannerisms I notice while im watching the show (like brad frequently interrupting people, david's voice cracking when he's upset, etc), so that I can reference them while im writing to make sure I stay in character. I also watch a lot of youtube compilations from the show, so even if im not going back and rewatching the whole series, im still exposed to their distinct behaviors and speaking methods. it REALLY helps to just pick one or two characters at a time and study them exclusively, because you tend to notice a lot more about a specific character if your entire focus is on them.

now, could I write ian, or rachel, or poppy well? probably not, because I dont pay attention to their mannerisms when they're on screen since theyre not characters im personally invested in. but when david and especially brad are on screen, you can bet your ass im studying every tiny detail and change in their expression and tone, so that I can recreate that in my writing as necessary. my goal is that people will be able to recognize each character I write with exclusively dialogue and zero names mentioned. like, let me give an example:

"Hey man, did you get that report I sent you earlier?"

"Wh- uh, what report? I didn't get a report. Are you sure you-"

"Yes, I'm sure I sent it."

"Oh. Well then I'll, um, I'll check my email again. Are you sure you sent it to my work email?"

"Well I didn't send it to [email protected], if that's what you're asking."

"Oh, okay. I'll, uh- I'll get back to you on that report then I guess."

"Thanks."

see? now obviously the email kind of gave away one of the speakers, but hopefully it was more apparent as the dialogue progressed that the first speaker was brad and the responder was david. because david stutters a lot and uses a completely unnecessary amount of filler words when he talks, so he's pretty easy to write! and brad (typically) doesn't talk excessively, so it's common for him to give short responses only a few words in length. I basically write brad like he's perpetually fed up with everyone around him, because that seems most in character to me based on what I see in the show! lots of eye rolling, groaning, and frowning.

my goal in writing is for people to be able to visualize the characters saying what I write for them as if it's quoted directly from the show. now, im not going to claim to always succeed at that, but being able to hyperfixate on these characters helps a lot! so does reading other in-character fanfics, because it's sometimes tough to convert tv show acting into writing. luckily, at least in most fandoms, other people have already done it for you!

whenever im writing, especially when it comes to dialogue, im always picturing the characters in my head. I'm seeing the way their expressions shift, the way their hands gesticulate, the path they walk when theyre moving. im hearing them say the dialogue im writing in their voices, which probably makes me sound absolutely insane but im like 90% sure it's just my ADHD so dont worry! being able to see and hear the characters helps SO much, and I wouldn't write half as well without that skill.

im sorry this turned into such a long ramble! everyone has their own methods of figuring out characters, but roleplaying with myself, visualizing the characters, and studying the show helps me immeasurably.

as an aside, im always happy to beta stuff and check to see if it sounds in-character, and offer pointers/edits for anything that sounds too ooc! I've totally been there before, and obviously im not perfect, but I enjoy helping where I can and at this point ill do pretty much anything to help get more mq fics out in the world LOL

#mythic quest #wafwaf #we are fleeting we are feeling #fanfiction #tay rambles #asks answered #writing advice #wow a new tag!#thank you so much for this ask anon genuinely #asking me of all people for writing advice is like. the highest honor you could possibly bestow upon me #im awful at giving advice but I hope this helps at all!#and if not I hope this helps at least one person reading this

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nympsycho-ao3 · 4 years ago

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Hi so sorry if this is a weird question. I start college next week and I'm really nervous and overwhelmed. I graduated high school almost 5 years ago so I'm really late getting to it, I don't remember a whole lot about school life. Do you have any advice?

Not sure why youre asking a random smut writer on the internet but i would love to help if i can!

I was a huge lazy sack of shit in college ahhaha. My college years were spent either drunk or high for the vast majority of it. So my first piece of advice is to dont do that lmao. I missed out on a lot of fun, socializing, and networking because i was inebriated alone in my room. Id imagine with covid its even harder to meet new people so take every opportunity you can.

Find at least 1 person in every class that can cover for you if you miss notes or have questions about material. Youll generally make a friend too which is a nice bonus but really that safety net is nice. Dont abuse it either, like dont skip class for days then just ask for notes lmao.

On that note go to class strategically. I was able to skip a few classes every semester in their entirety bc they were easy and i got away with it but if they take attendance make sure you go. Again with covid im not sure with this stuff but actually give a fuck about the stuff youre learning. I wish i did instead of just memorizing and forgetting. I wont tell you to go to every class every time bc fuck that, but prioritize the classes you simply cant skip.

Treat studying like a job. It is so much easier to study like an hour a day than cram studying in 10 hours overnight for an exam. Im a huge hypocrite with this so do as i say not as i do lmao.

Going into it late in the game is actually kind of a good thing because you might not be tempted into the dumb bullshit like drugs and booze like i was. Just keep it to the weekend like i shouldve hahaha

If youre on a campus, go out and enjoy it. Some of my fav parts of college were just going out and enjoying the campus and what it offered. Maybe better advice for spring but... nonetheless.

I shouldve put more effort into making friends. I really came out 4 years of college with no friends to speak of because i made the conscious decision to keep to myself because i am naturally a loner and comfortable alone. Still, i think i would have overall had more fun if i got to know the really cool people in my program.

In general, take the opportunity to leave your comfort zone. It's college, no one is expecting you to be perfect. Just have some fun while you can take advantage of the safety net of college and the bad decisions youre allowed to make. As long as you keep your grades up (or passable, which i recommend making your perrogative instead of perfection) go out, get laid, try new things, meet new people, learn new things, and enjoy expanding your worldview with little consequence.

Remember that everyone lives in their little bubble. I was so afraid of embarrassing myself that i avoided doing a lot of fun things. Not a single person gives a fuck about you in a way that theyre judging you like you think they are. So just do you, be the cool older person in the class that can buy the youngins booze (do this at your own risk but it was fun for me lmao) and tell stories like a grandparent. Also, on that note, dont be surprised at how fucking stupid these kids are. You might be the oldest and wisest in the class. Just enjoy the stupidity at your beckoning call and take it in, sometimes it's better than TV. dont hold it against them though, we were all stupid 18 yos once.

Dont ask a ton of questions in class. I mean a few is fine but not a lot. It just makes class run longer. Anyone who cares is doing the following: either asking them after class, going to office hours, or emailing the professor. Do that.

Speaking of office hours. Youll probably need some reference letters when you graduate to apply for jobs. Pick like 1 cool professor a year and really buddy up to them so you can use them as a reference. Yay, using people! And hey you might get some cool stuff out of it. Talking with my professors was always pretty neat and enlightening. They will know what youre doing but they know the game too and theyre just happy youre putting effort into earning the reference. Just dont get boners for the hot ones like i did oop--

And uuhh flash cards. All my homies love flash cards. I still have all my digital ones from my classes for no reason but... they came in clutch!

I didnt work through college bc im a privileged little brat but, i think i would have had my shit together more if i did. So depending on your major find something relevant and maybe find a flexible part time gig (easier said than done im aware)

I graduated with a 3.8 gpa and a damaged liver and lungs but hey i survived! Hope this helped. Again im not the best person to ask bc i really hated my major and most of my classes but i saw them as necessary stepping stones to my current job. Oh well!

Good luck anon. I know you will do very well even in these covid times. Just take your shit seriously! Unlike me...

Dont go to fucking parties unless youre an asshole and/or vaccinated or until this covid shit blows over please!!!

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dreammutual-remade · 7 years ago

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mua!you and lucas

request: hi may you please do a bullet point scenario about lucas and his girlfriend who is a make up artist for nct. thank youu- anon

word count: 3.4k

a/n: anon !!! thank u for requesting I lowkey struggled with this concept bc I was like uhhh how r they gonna u know,,, do the affection but once I figured it out this was so fun to write !!! I love Lucas hehehehehe. also I realized when I was picKINg this gif that I forgot to include the filming of the yearbook shiygeidfhvf pretend it didn't happeN okay

ps I have 8 requests as of now and I promise I will get to all of them pls have patience w/ me ily all <33333

good evening, Thots

let us dive in, shall we

alright so you had been doing makeup since you were a wee lass !!

of course it was , pretty terrible but like practice makes perfect and now you’re an absolute LEGEND

one of your friends convinced you to start posting tutorials and have an instagram acc dedicated to your Iconic Looks and the rest was history !!!!

you started getting hella attention everyone loved you bitch !!!

so you started advertising you were like ayy if y’all need your makeup done , hmu i am Skilled

at first you started out doing other gals makeup for formal dances and whatnot

then you climbed your way up the celebrity ladder and now you’re a god damn nct makeup artist ?????

things you did: THAT

alright so you got hired just in time for cherry bomb promotions

you took a look at some of their past looks and ,,,,, you were horrified honestly who did that to them

SM CAN GET FUCKED

anyways you Turned Their Shit Around and had them lookin bout fine as hell

all the boys had been super awkward around you at first and it was soooo funny

because you were pretty used to being v close to people you don’t know well

from all the years of doing other people’s makeup now you just go right in

you got real close to mark and he squeaked and like pressed himself back into the chair

like ? shouldn’t he be used to this by now ???

johnny was the only one who was cool with you the first time even if he was an absolute SLEAZEBAG

“sorry if i get all up in your face i’m just trying to keep your eyebrows FLEEKY U KNO WHAT IM SAYIN”

“nah i don’t mind having a face like yours that close ;)))))”

“oops didn’t mean to bump into your knee like that”

“that’s okay my lap is always open for u :}”

he’s the worst god i love him

you’re on the younger side too so he’s all,

c̢̖̲̹̞̰̪ͅa̫͠l̶̜̞l̠̝͇͠ ̪̙͕̲̫̯m̙̪͖e̱͙̦̳̦̝͢ ͕̼̳̰̞o̹p҉͖̘͙͍̞̲p͍̙͙͙̹̖͞a҉̠͓̠̜͕

and you’re all

taeyong asks how old you are and as soon as he finds out you’re younger than him he becomes your mom

you’ll be doing his makeup and he’s like okay but have u eaten today ??? you look too thin please eat

“one: stop moviNG IM TRYING TO CONTOUR YOU and two: please are u my damn grandmother i’m FINE i’ve eaten plenty :&&;&,$,”

you and haechan just roast each other the whole time

“yet another pimple i see, hyuckie, have you been keeping up with the skincare regimen i sent you home with?”

“first of all, fuck you, second of all, you sent me home with a piece of paper that said ‘you can wash your face to get rid of the acne but there’s nothing you can do about the ugly’ you evil WITCH”

but it’s all in good fun and you and hyuck are besties at heart and can tell when it’s not a good day for teasing

whenever you can tell he’s down you make sure to be extra playful when you’re putting on his makeup, tapping him on the nose or tickling his ear with your makeup brush til he giggles

i’m soft gOD

THIS ISNT A DONGHYUCK FIC I GOTTA CHILL

the rest are pretty cool with you too!! yuta is a worse flirt than johnny though it’s like unnecessary but it’s funny and you know he’s , mostly kidding, so you let it slide

anyways !!! cherry bomb is coming to a close and you did That the entire time you had them absolutely GLOWING

but then you get some emails from your boss talking about a new NCT U song/concept that will be filmed toward the end of the year

((i think that’s when it was filmed ?? i’m so sorry if there’s inaccuracies in here i’m very bad with dates :’-)))))))

they tell you you’re traveling to the UKRAINE

THATS FAR

and VERY COLD

they also tell you that they’re gonna be debuting two new members in this unit and you’re a little Nervous since you’ve only been doing 127’s and Dream’s makeup for the past like , half a year

(u were responsible for the we young era,,,,, god bless u)

but you’re also excited because they described the concept to you and you’ve already got ideas to make everyone look Hot and Badass

your boss sent some predebut pics and said the new ones were Yukhei and Jungwoo and, wOW THEYRE PRETTY

jungwoo looks absolutely soft and squishy so you’re a bit worried about making him look ,,,,, BOSS but yukhei.

is a whOLE MAN

he’s got big eyes and lips that give him softer features but , the look in his eyes and like his cheekbones and ????? wow you’re gonna turn him into Daddy Material

anywhom

the time has come and we are on our way to the ukraine !!! yeehaw it’s cold as balls out here

you arrive and get to stay in the hotel for a night before you gotta Get To Work

you arrive bright and early with all your beauty products

you , as the resident makeup artist, look cute as hell even if you are rather cold

your nose is tinted a bit red even tho you have foundation on rip

you set up your little station in the main tent because they’re gonna film all the outdoor parts first

jaehyun walks in first with winwin and they he looks scruffy af

“jaehyun you DOLT did you not shave ??? you know that tickles my hand when i’m trying to make you hot”

“i’m already hot”

“uh huh go shave your face i guarantee you don’t want me to try”

“ugh, yes ma’am”

“hey winwinie~”

“good morning !!!”

winwin is Precious and Easy To Work With as usual

mark comes in next and he’s flustered and cute AS USUAL

of course he’s comfy with you now but you enjoy making him flustered

“mark, baby, you’re GLOWING today!!! go off king”

“y/N PLEASE ENOUGH”

doyoung comes next and his Flawless Skin makes the process so much easier for you ugh

reLEASE THE SKINCARE ROUTINE

COWARDS

anywhom you get to meet jungwoo next !!!

FUCKIN UWU

his blue hair ,,,,,,,, amazing

he’s so sweet and releases little breathy giggles every once in a while when the brushes tickle him

you’re finishing up with jungwoo when, the Man Himself literally stumbles into the tent

“hyUNG are you almost done we’re bout to film man”

and he is absolutely Large and you are , very appreciative god damn

even barefaced this man baby looks GOOD that is not fair :-(

“lucas!~ you still have to get your makeup done but i think y/n was almost finished. are you?”

jungwoo turns to look up at you while he asked and you, have to exercise GREAT restraint not to talk to him in a baby voice

so you just nod and then give him a once over and tell him he can go ahead to wardrobe

you wave yukhei over and you’re like hey uh ,,, yukhei? or should i call u lucas ?!/!:&:&

he cackles and asks you to call him lucas and asks your name and how old you are and what your star sign is and your favorite color and your nct bias

(when you tell him you love them all equally he’s all like Not For Long

>:-))) soon i shall PREVAIL)

basically he’s questioning you and you’re like oKAY PLEASE IM TRYING TO MAKE YOUR FACE BEAUTIFUL

“my face is already beautiful thank u very MUCH”

“you boys are all the same jaehyun already pulled that shit today, LAME”

he pouts and you tap him on the lip with the handle of your makeup brush and then Get To Work

you truly have him lookin RIGHT wooo shit he looks good

and as you’re doing it your brain is like that clip from sponge bob where squidward is like oh NO he’s hot !!!! :(

you’re doing his eye makeup and you’re standing, in between his legs like they’re so long and in the way it’s the only way to get close enough to to do it well and you’re highkey, Blushing

he’s literally just staring up at you while you do his makeup and your hands are starting to shake what business does he have with such big brown puppy dog eyes :((((

“hey quit staRINg at me dude”

“ am i making u,,,, nervous ;)”

“, YES pls stop :((“

“aw i’m srry :((((“

pouts AGAIN and you shove his shoulder a little for making fun of you

when you finish you just kind of nod and he takes that as a go ahead and like SPRINGS up

and you’re standing very close so he almost knocks you the hell over

you tip backwards and he grabs you by the waist to steady you while you basically grab handfuls of his clothes to keep you upright

there’s a pause where you guys are just.. pressed together before you fly apart and lucas awkwardly rubs the back of his neck like nervous boys do in movies AW

“i really gotta stop knocking people over i almost took oUT jungwoo earlier srry abt that :’-))))))”

you’re like haha it’s fine :’-))))))))))))))

it’s really awkward so he yeets out of there just as taeyong strolls in looking entirely too smug

“so, you’ve taken a liking to our newest member hmmmm ??”

“aw no jungwoo is just so cute !!”

“quit playing dumb you knew what i meant”

“okaY but literally nothing happened please don’t make this a big deal”

“it’s a big deal bbg it’s tOO LATE NOW”

you sigh and then do his makeup pretty quickly since even barefaced he looks unreal

fckin anime character

okay everyone is now made up and dressed (jaehyun came last freshly shaven , looking like a bar of soap as usual) and you’re on standby outside to fix any little blemishes they may get while filming

everything is pretty good because most of the boys are used to wearing makeup but lucas is Dumb and just like ?? rubs at his eye and wipes half of it off ????

you sCREECH as he’s doing it and he jumps and is like ??? what is it what’s wrong with you

“what’s wrong with me ??? wHATS WRONG WITH YOU I WORKED HARD TO MAKE YOU LOOK THAT ETHEREAL DAMNIT”

you have to fix it on the spot so y’all can stay on schedule so he does that thing where he stands with his legs super far apart so his face is level with yours

his legs are so far apart in order for him to be short enough rip (.... literally. pray for his pants u guys)

you fix up his eye and warm him that you’ll give him a black eye with your fist instead of makeup if he messes up your Artwork again

the shoot goes really well and you get to know lucas and jungwoo better throughout the rest of the filming

things are…. tense between you and lucas but not in like a bad way more like a we are both sort of attracted to each other and unsure what to do from here way

lucas gets braver as time passes and has become wayyyyy more flirty

the tension just sort of transforms to hardcore flirting and little fleeting touches jskdkfk

you havent stopped blushing for like 4 days straight

as you do his makeup he’ll stare up at you with fckn awestruck eyes and one of his hands will drift up to circle around your wrist as you tilt his head this way and that

its a GIANT hand too I just wanna mention that they're very nice hands thank you for your time

as you do his makeup you’ll purposefully let your hand linger on his neck and use your thumb to caress turn his jaw

when you stand between his legs to do his makeup he’ll scoot to the edge of the chair to get as Close As Possible until your hips are almost touching the inside of his thighs ???:$&:&:@:@

SPICY

but eventually the shoot is over :(((( rip

buT no worries ;))))) black on black is being filmed in like a month and you’ll see his goofy ass soon heheh

highkey black on black makes u , Hot And Bothered like the part where lucas is on the floor and doing thaT THING

YALL KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT

he highkey gets up and is like

did u like that babygirl ~~~ 😤😘💕🤪😩

and you just stick your tongue out at him and he sticks his tongue out at you and it’s Juvenile

“JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!!!!”- johnny, from across the room

you: Red

lucas: wheezing

you guys pull all the same touchy flirty bullshit for this MV filming too and all the boys are like o.o

“hyung are u dating our makeup artist(¬‿¬) ” -chenle

“god i wish”

“what”

“i mean , no”

and now BOSS has been released and you’ve gotta do his makeup for all these stages and you two just , keep dancing around each other

when the boys get their first win for BOSS tho lucas is sO HYPE

because it’s his first time really performing live and they WON AND ???? THIS IS CRAZY

and he’s so happy he’s like shaking and he bursts into the dressing room after they all come off stage

he makes it there before everyone else because he RAN like a dork

you’re packing up all your stuff and hear the door open and you turn around to congratulate the boys but it’s just lucas and he runs in and pICKS YOU UP

he spins you around and sets you down and is like

JSDKSJDK Y/N WE WON ????

and you’re like

OMG YEAH I KNOW IM SO PROUD OF U ??!:&:@.

and then he just kisses you right on the lips in excitement

it’s just a press of lips and it was barely a kiss since he was still smiling so hard

his smile fades after and he looks , terrified

you also are terrified because ?

he’s Done It Now

the imaginary LINE has been CROSSED

but like, the barrier is broken now right ????

yolo

so you just shake your head and flick him on the nose

“damn you could have taken me to dinner first”

he laughs nervously because you haven’t made it clear whether or not you’re going to murder him and, That’s Scary

but you giggle and press up on your toes to kiss him more gently and tell him it’s okay and you like him and if he likes you back that would be GREAT

and he just smooshes you against him really hard and presses at least 26 kisses to your cheeks and it tickles and you’re like heY STOP THE LIPSTICK I PUT ON YOU WILL STAIN ME

“i like u too,, HEHEHHE”

“god you had to ruin it by cackling like the wicked witch of the west didn’t you???”

“absolutely, sweetheart :)”

okay the rest of nct u is on the way so you quickly agree that this should be a Semi Secret relationship because he’s so new to the scene and he’s probably not even allowed to date rn lol

but he INSISTS that he can treat you well no matter what and who are you to stop him honestly

he’s so blatant with the touching while you do his makeup now though that although you haven’t explicitly told anyone ,,, all the members of NCT know

he just loops his arms around your hips and pulls you close and blatantly admires you while you’re concentrated on his makeup

squeezes your ass every once in a while which makes you squeak and slap his shoulder

that little SHIT

one time taeil caught you sneaking in some food for lucas during dance practice and was like

“honestly just come in we all know you’re in a relationship gOD it’s so obvious”

so now you come to dance practice all the time with food for him and extra for the other boys

he’s always jealous

literally all the time

you’ll be doing marks makeup and hyping him up as usual

(baby bOY DESERVES IT)

and lucas will be :(((((( y don’t u say that stuff to me

“i literally say that and more to you and about you”

“okay but why not only me :(((((“

“oh my god”

or when you bring food he’ll be like NO she brought this for me go away you commoners !!!!!

honestly you feel like you’re taking care of a toddler sometimes except he’s HUGE

you have to be like

“now lucas, sharing is caring and i brought enough for everyone stop being gREEDY”

any free time he has he comes to your apartment

mainly because you guys want to be mushy and coupley and not have to listen to all the members whining and fake gagging

he’ll knock on your door at midnight with a blanket in hand and fresh out of the shower and looking CUTE

“can i sleep over :(((( i cant sleep without you:((((((“

BITCH

your heart melts oh my shosjdjdjckf

and this boy basically can’t sleep without you now because he sleeps over so much im emo

at first he insists on being the big spoon every time but after awhile Sleepy Baby Boy Lucas reveals himself

when he’s super tired he’ll just let himself in and climb in your bed and plant his head on your chest and his arms around your waist and just sigh contentedly

if he can’t sleep he’ll steal your hand and place it on top of his head and nudge you til you start running your fingers through his hair and scratching his scalp

uwu this is so cute

loves to hold your hands whenever possible

you guys can’t really go on dates since the relationship is Super Secret and he wants so bad to show you off but he CANT :/

so he just pretends y’all are out on the town and holds your hand at home when you’re just chillin

has taken to putting things you need in very high places so he can come up behind you and reach over your head to hand it to you

okay but like once in a while you both do your best to have a Normal Date where you go out doors you just have to be

Incognito Mode

so summer dates dont really work out since it’s hard to hide your identity when you’re not covered head to toe because it’s HOT

they’re mainly winter dates like ice skating and hot chocolate and fall festival stuff !!!!

he insists that you go to any festival in town like INSISTS

festival for a random and obscure flower?? you best believe you’re attending and going home covered flowers

he tried to make you a flower crown but it kept falling apart so he just stuck flowers all up in your hair AWE

forced you to pose so he could take pictures of you

(he made it his lock screen !!!! uwu)

this boy just, loves you so much and the day he tells you is when you’re both sick and dying because he got a cold and then gave it to you so you’re both laying in bed feeling Terrible

you’re laying there and feeling lightheaded and too hot but you’re both Clingy so you still hold hands at least lmao

and lucas tugs on your hand and you flop on your side to look at him expectantly

“yes, lucas?”

“hey”

“guess what”

“hmmmmm what”

“i love you”

“oh, me too”

“like you love me too or you love you too”

“U2 is alright i guess”

“no i mean do you love me or yourself”

“both”

“sweet, self love is important too”

and theN YOU TERRIBLE PEOPLE PASS OUT HEHSHS

WHO CONFESSES THEIR LOVE LIKE THAT ????

when you wake up you feel slightly better and look over and see Your Man sprawled out over the bed with one arm haphazardly thrown over you

he rlly can’t sleep without a hand on you that is so so cute fuckdjkdjd

you remember confessing your love to each other in a delirious and feverish haze and snicker because it was RIDICULOUS

you gently turn to face him so you don’t wake him up and trail your fingertips up his arms to trace his features

his eyes flutter open and he’s literally unreal like he looks like an angel

and he smiles all sleepy like and brings his hand up to capture your wrist and kiss your palm

“good morning i’m no longer fucked up on theraflu and i love you”

“good morning i’m also no longer fucked up and i love you MORE”

he scoffs dramatically

“not possible !!!!!”

“is too !!!”

“is nOT”

“IS TOO”

“IS NOT”

and so on :-)

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

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@flootweed

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :)

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess.

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will.

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it?

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.

#we best love #lovely writer #we best love fighting mr 2nd

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evswiftie · 8 years ago

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Full breakdown on how I relate look what you made me do to all the past times I've been sexually assaulted

" I don't like your little games" -When I was 11 and swimming in the public pool at the YMCA and this 30 year old man asked if he could play with me in the pool and pick me up and throw me in the water but he "had to touch me here first (he digitally raped me) ( I didnt even know what a Vagina is or does as that age) -When I was 12 and my dads best friend who lived in my house would tell my parents he would watch after me when they went out but instead forcibly touched me and made me touch him. And he would bang on my bedroom door when I was pressing up against it shut because it didn't have a lock, he would offer me to play outside with him on my trampoline just so he could be on top of me and suck in my nipples again but I screamed to leave me alone. When the guy in sophomore year of high school who I had my first real big crush on told me I could trust him so I told him all about my life and he was my first kiss but then right after, he threw me on the ground grabbed my hand and made me give him a hand job and then went around school taunting me by mocking me with my secrets I told him and told people I was a slut. And he call me during the middle of the night threatening that if I didn't send him nudes he would make worse rumors and spread them around. When the 20 year old guy who took my virginity from me raped me when I was 16 tried to email me, text me and follow me on Instagram as if time passing had changed everything. BITCH DONT TALK TO ME. When the guy who molested me outside of a bar gave me the excuse the next day that he was to drunk to know what he was doing even though I saw him get in his car and drive away and text me that night he made it home safe. IF YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO NOT SEXUALLY MOLEST SOMEONE WHO IS TO INTOXICATED TO STAND STRAIGHT. " I don't like your tilted stage " AKA an uneven playing field. When the guy who "had to" digitally rape me in the YMCA swimming pool knew i was to young to know what was happening to me and I was easy to listen to adults so he told me not tell anyone so I stayed quiet about it until I was 17. -When the guy who was my dads best friend knew I was a caring kid and wouldnt tell anyone so my dad wouldn't loose a friend so he took advantage of me. And when I finally told my dad and he made his friend come to the house to confront him DUDE WAS SPEAKING 100% Spanish so I couldnt know what he was saying against me. -When the guy I trusted in high school majorly taunted me outside school and was so sneaky about how he did on school grounds so he wouldnt get in trouble -When the guy who raped me at age 16 asked me if i was ready and I said "I dont know, I think I am" but he was controlling and forceful and went on top of me and I hated it and was to scared to run away or tell him to get off me. -When the guy who molested me outside the bar did it where no one could see and theres not cameras so there was no proof and he apologized the next day. "The role you made me play, of the fool, no I dont like you" All of these people made me play the delusional crazy girl whose making shit up for attention " i don't like your perfect crime, How you laugh when you lie -When I was tired of staying silent for ten years so I finally decided to report something horrible happening to me , at the age of 22 sobbing in the car feeling worthless and like nothing but a sex toy, like my feelings dont matter because all Ill ever be is my body and nothing more, I picked up the phone and called the police, they told me that because I was talking to the guy in the bar before him molesting me he probably thought I wanted it so they told me I should accept his apology. They told me that because I cant remember because I was to intoxicated to remember clearly if he forcibly grabbed my hand and put it down his pants or if I put my hands down there it doesn't even count as sexual assault. Even tho I KNO I was screaming to get out. "You said the gun was mine, isn't cool, no, I don't like you"(oh!) They always tell you to report things but then when you do they dont do anything to help "But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time, Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time" -After being denied of reporting my most recent sexual assault I was in hysterics sobbing in my car realizing that anyone can do anything they want to me and feel like such a low life and absolutely nothing and get away with it. Snot and tears were everywhere and I was messaging my friends saying I cant live like this anymore, whats the point? When Im just going to be tossed from guy to guy simply for their pleasure while they take my dignity from me, when all I get is cat called and harassed and pressured to give myself to them I lifted my head up and realize that if 22 year old erica can't get justice then 11year -16 year old Erica can, NO MATTER what those abusers say to deny it or beat around the bush they WILL go fucking down because I was a MINOR. And theyre not getting out of it with that crime "I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined" -after realizing im gonna come for blood I picked up the phone and called up the police dept and said I'm reporting a sexual assault from 10 years ago and this was at midnight when the police showed up at my house to get a written statement and proceeded to list off every other time I was sexually assaulted . To which the officer accused me of "cop shopping" BITCH YEA. Because I didn't get what I wanted from the first one. BITCH YOU RIGHT IM GONNA KEEP REPORTING IT UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS. "I check it once, then I check it twice, oh" -Did they really sexually assault me if I didnt scream "no" and "rape" and push and shove my way out ? Yes okay ! Just gotta double check I know what happened to me before others tell me over exaggerating! "Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me do" -the next morning after listing off these names to the rude police officer I slept until noon, got up in my grown up boss ass outfit, got in my red buggy and zoomed to the YMCA with my sunglasses feeling like a bad ass scene from a movie, I catwalked into the YMCA to the chorus of LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO and I said I need to see a manager and report an incident then that manager came over and I told her everything that happened in that public pool to me and she was dumb founded because they have a "no tolerance policy" "I don't like your kingdom keys, they once belonged to me, you asked me for a place, locked me out then threw a feast (WHAT?!)" -Every single one of these manipulating sexual abusers have affected me in so many ways for the rest of my life. I went to couseling in high school and my recent new Doctor , those two told me that a lot of how I act, talk and think has to do with the after affects and symptoms of being sexually abused and that a portion in my FUCKING BRAIN paused on developing and has a fog over it and cant pay attention to things and I am easily forgetful and space out way more often than the normal person. I DONT LIKE HOW THESE SICK FUCKS HAVE THE KEYS TO THE PERSON I AM TODAY. I don't like that the like psychos who molested me when I was a pre teen took something from me I never had,finding myself at such a crucial age and my confidence I had as a kid. "The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama." While I've been in the deep state of depression and feeling empty I stand there and notice how everyone else lives goes on and theyre happy mean while Im dead on the inside "But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma" -But while Im standing there feeling like everyone can just pretend like it never happened to me even when I told them , I cant help but think of the the sexual abusers getting put in jail or getting their lives taken away from them because they deserve that. "And then the world moves on, but one things for sure Maybe I got mine, but you all get yours" -Maybe for now my karma for trying to go out for fun was to be molested by a boy ll be punished for what you did. " I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me be the actress starring in your bad dreams I dont trust nobody and nobody trusts me" -when the boy in high school spread all these awful rumors about me and showed the nudes I sent him (because he threatened me) to his classes, I lost friends at school , no one wanted to talk to me and in return I was left being fearful for the rest of my life that anyone could leave me at any moment. .. " I don't trust nobody" -I turned to all the people whose ever told me " I'll be there for you if you ever need anything "but when that something i need is to tell someone about how I was sexually assaulted they tell everything except things that will actually lift my soul up and make me feel better but no one cares enough to actually check up on me after hearing a horrible traumatic thing happening to me because I don't have the energy to come to people myself every day and come forward on how low I feel. I had people tell me to "just go home" when I'd call them up sobbing in my car and ask them if I could come over for them to comfort me. I've had people literally leave me because I confronted them about only sending me a sad face or "I'm sorry" and nothing more. LIKE. MAYBE SEND ME THE CLEAN SOEECH IDK. I'm desperate to hear some words of encouragement but no people HATE confrontation So much they'll just leave me instead of owning up and offering me anything more then a sad face through a text and their sympathy. "I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams" -Im coming for revenge , I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to me so I'll be in your nightmares "I'm sorry the old Erica can't come to the phone right now, why? OH , cuz she's dead" It's been months since I was sexually assaulted last and the scared old fragile me is dead and I'm becoming this new fierce woman who protects myself. I have two open sexual assault cases open right now and I'm looking for mental health help and okay, I'm overly distracted , it's like there's this fog over my mind and I can't see or think clearly and it's affecting my every day life, I can't do well at work and when I'm in a normal conversation , and cry myself to sleep when I feel worthless. But I've found time can heal most anything. P.s Taylor I admire you so much for defending yourself during your sexual assault trial, I heard you got sassy.. I would have to... it's pretty annoying when you have to relive the incident numerous amount of times and people don't believe you so you have to say it over and over again until you just start to cry because you just want justice. My parents didn't report to the police about the guy who was my dads best friend touching me when I was 12 because they knew all the interviews and questions I would be asked and they didn't want me to relive it m, I was 12 and scared..... 10 years later I got the guts to do but only because i can't live like his anymore unneeded something to matter so i went for justice, I had a interview for a detective and police man in an office in the police station, it was video recorded and everything, they asked me about every little detail of all the 4 times he molested me, it was awful and I cried so much during the whole thing I told them how he took something away from me I never really had as a 12 year old.. my confidence and finding who I am. And saying that out loud made me cry even more but I felt like it was necessary to say so they could believe me and see how much he hurt me. They said it's going to take a long to time to be able to find the him and when they do I need to be prepared for him to deny it and if so we might go to court. I Do NOT have the money for that at all but taylor, I heard you are donating to foundations that help girls defend themselves and I might have to use that and in SO BEYOND THANKFUL. For those foundations and for you helping out. They thanked me for my time and as the detective walked me out to the the main door she said " maybe you'll be able to inspire other girls and let them know it's never to late to report it" and in that moment I felt so inspired... now I feel SO passionate about being a mental health advocate, I have my AA degree so I'll be going back to college and get my psychology degree. I'm gonna kick ass. P.s.s I'm sorry if this post triggered anyone with anything I talked about but I really wanted to let taylor know how I relate to her music P.s.s Taylor i am SO sorry for what you had to go through being sexually assaulted, it really does turn a light off on your personality and I wish I could just take all your pain away, you have been there for me through EVERYTHING and I just want to be there for you and hold your hands through every step . @taylorswift

#reputation #taylorswift #look what you made me do

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vampire-core · 7 years ago

Note

can i please ask why you dislike/hate the new ghost song?

[CRACKS KNUCKLES] TIME TO RANT under the cut bc this is prob gonna be long

edit: this is 1000% ok to rb!!! pls do tbh spread the word

ALRIGHT SO first off yall should prob know i have a little thing valled histrionic personality disorder, or hpd. the symptoms include craving attention, being theatrical, changing yourself/acting out to get attention, and mood swings. candle queen takes a lot of these symptoms and demonizes them.

even the first verse does this; “ever since she was a child, she always knew how to get her way; just act a little bit wild and someone will surely come to play”. This shows that the candle queen has been exibiting symptoms of the early stages of hpd since she was young.

i cant speak for everyone, but for me, my hpd resulted from abuse. plus, acting out is a sign of child abuse, whether it be acting out in a sexual manner (a sign of csa) or acting out in “temper tantrums”. i experienced the second trait often, and its sad to see it demonized. it’s not good, but it’s a sign of something worse.

the next verse implies she stays like this as she gets older, aka hpd fully develops. this also happened with me.

a line that rlly bothers me is “toddler’s cries that grow louder and louder” because it takes the aforementioned trait of acting out and turns it into candle queen being childish and dramatic.

the entire song implies candle queen changes herself to be paid attention to, which, yes, is morally wrong, but is a coping mechansim for hpd used all the time by histrionics. seeing it shwon as just pure “uwu shes evil” is… sad.

the song even has a throw-off line- “addicted to adrenaline”- which represents a symptom of hpd i personally experience a lot due to conflicts with my adhd: craving stimulation and new experiences.

the song has one aside verse about how she’s also manipulative, which isn’t excusable in the slightest (being manipulative is 1000% abusive), but it goes right back to “UWU SHES GWEEDY FOR ATTENTION” in the chrous and next verse

one of the final verses says she just needs to “chill”, which pisses me the fuck OFF, because 1: “histrionic” LITERALLY means theatrical, 2: a symptom of hpd is extreme emotions and moodswings, and 3: IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING EASY TO RECOVER FROM HPD BELIEVE ME IF IT WAS I WOULDNT FUCKING HAVE HPD IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE I WOULDVE GONE “oh yeah i need to chill out!!!!” AND THEN CURED MYSELF speaking for myself i KINOW i need to chill out bu7t i CANT im doing my best to recover but surprise surprise im GONNA SHOW SYMPTOMS SOMETIMES???

I UNDERSTAND IF THEYRE TOXIC SYMPTOMS THEN THATS WHEN YOU GO “HEY MAYBE DONT??” BUT IF ITS USING COPING MECHANISMS FOR YOUR DISORDER AND BEING DEMONIZED FOR THE DISORDER ITSELF THATS REALLY FUCKING HURTFUL

sorry for the yelling rant im very passionate about this song

ANYWAYS it ends with the histrionic-implied character being abandoned by her friends because of her disorder. fun.

tl;dr i hate this ableist awful shitty song with my entire being and wish it didnt exist

edit: i’d like to say i don’t blame either creator for the ableism in this song. i emailed ghost, and they said they recognized it but didn’t know how to pull it up with lauren/silver chord, who wrote the lyrics. lauren stated she wrote the song based off a toxic person she knew who was intentionally bad.

i don’t blame either of them, once more, and the tune/lyric composition/art/etc for the song is actually great! i just hate the underlying ableism of the whole thing, intentional or not

#text #candle queen #gumi #ableism //#caps //#abuse ment //#i hate this song so so so much #Anonymous #kennith's mailbox

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 8 years ago

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warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

Trucy, you don’t need to take sides. There’s one side. The truth. And both Apollo and Phoenix are on that side.

They’re not at the same bench but they’re on the same team. It’s gonna be ok.

“I’m sorry too, little lady! this is all my fault..”

Oh so trucy gets an apology, but not Apollo? cool cool whatever

Trucy, if Phoenix and Apollo become bitter enemies over a property dispute then they weren’t really all that close to begin with.

Dhurke: invalides trucy’s feelings while simultaneously spouting more of his Manly Man shit

“one minute we’re trading blows, and the next, we’re having drinks together”

well if that’s his mentality i can see why he thinks its ok do be an utter fuckwad to everyone

“We’re simple creatures at heart! Hah-hahahaha!”

yes... men are so simple at heart... they’re just a bunch of neanderthals... thanks Dhurke, truly you are the way to the future.

To be honest, I am glad that this is a civil case. When I first saw the publicity I was sure they’d made Phoenix a prosecutor for no reason and I was furious.

I’m not super glad at the way things turned out but at least the bullshit counter didn’t go into the red and explode.

Phew. I’m actually sighing in relief here. Maybe I can pretend what follows is all a friendly game or something.

Aww; poor Judgey’s confused :(

...they seriously don’t need to have a falling out to be on the opposite side of a courtroom. Lawyers face each other all the time.

They don’t have to hate each other, they just have to keep things professional, otherwise they’d cause a conflict of interest. Like... it’s not ideal but tbh it’s more a danger to their clients than each other.

Y’know, I’m gonna dare to be optimistic here; as much as I hate this storyline and most people in it, this is actually an interesting and character-developing scenario.

Apollo has to face off against his mentor, the guy who... well I’d say Kristoph taught him all his tricks, but Phoenix was a sort of moral guiding force, I guess. Apollo standing up and holding his own against a superior is a legitimate way to show that he’s come into his own. Plus, since it’s not framed in a negative light (or at least, it shouldn’t be) it’s more impactful than phoenix being straight up evil since that would make it easy to take him down. This is a contest between two people who simply happen to be on opposite sides of the chess board. Again, it’s a pretty legit way to show Apollo’s growth.

...that said, I just wish it wasn’t happening after zero character build up and a heaping serving of bullshit. :T

Oh well. At least they got something right.

it is pretty hilarious how much they’re trying to up the drama though. it’s not that deep, guys

I guess Atishon just doesn’t have legs

[snerk] his shitty speeches are actually kinda funny. ...if a little cliché.

...he’s standing... but I'm still not ruling out that he’s legless...

Tbh, even though Atishon is clearly lying, the fact that Datz basically threatened the orb out of Buff does make this kind of in their favour.

...Apollo, don’t overcomplicate the case. All you have to do is prove that it’s not the crystal and you can have it.

Reasons Apollo would make a good rebel: He doesn’t blab his rebelness all over the place for no reason.

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR MS. SKYE

nice ankles, ms skye.

“Ema..?”

“Use some manners, we’re in court”

thats not the way you acted the last time you were called as his witness :/

whoa seriously whats with the sudden crazy 180 for Ema? Yeah, she’s grumpy, but suddenly she’s acting like Apollo’s some rude little shit off the street. Why is she upset that he’s going up against Phoenix? Why does he need to apologize? JUST BEING ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE COUTROOM DOESN’T MAKE YOU ENEMIES.

or did the SOJ team forget the lessons we learned in the trilo–– oh who am i kidding they’ve never even laid eyes on those.

“You’ll never get the job done with that attitude. Take it from someone who’s been there” Been where???? Been where, Ema?????? what the fuck are you talking about what is going on

haha the fey statue and the urn were ‘stolen’, huh? yeah. stolen from a better game.

pfft. So Buff’s some Kaitou Kid type, huh?

y’know ive been neglecting to mention it but have you noticed how much they skimp on animation compared to DD? DD had like 20 tiny animated cutscenes, and SOJ has one lame one at the beginning of each case to set it up. I can’t believe they even slashed the animation budget.

has anyone noticed how unfocused 3D phoenix looks. he looks like he’s just. staring out into space.

i love they don’t use gendered pronouns to refer to Buff’s kid. Remember the last time they did that? Mr. Andrews......

“I was shocked to see the urn that came from Kurain in Kurain”

anyway quit referencing actually good games, SOJ. Back to the shame corner for you.

oh COME ON. How do you steal a fucking wall relief?!

and he really couldn’t just get a fucking permit? what the fuck is this

“but good intentions are no get-out-of-jail-free-card”

they are a sentence-lightening card, though! either way, this is one of the things i like most about AA. No matter how good your intentions were you still dont get away with cold-blooded murder.

OR KIDNAPPING, AURA. HAVE FUN IN JAIL YOU SHITTY EXCUSE FOR LESBIAN REPRESENTATION.

every single theft of an artifact can be attributed to Dr. Buff. every single one.

alright, so we’re back to that whole ‘missing object report’. Thing is, unless there really IS a Crystal of Ami Fey, this wouldn’t work out. Atishon has to provide evidence that he owned the item, or that it existed in the first place. If this crystal turns out to be made up I’m gonna pitch a fuckin fit.

Don’t disappoint me, SOJ.

“Wimperson”

ah, SOJ, with all the comedic genius of a third-grader.

...to be fair i could say the same about Larry but i like larry and AA1. and it also plays into his phrase-thingy!

seriously. gimme pics of the crystal or we’re gonna have some serious problems.

“So how do you know this item is the thing he’s looking for”

“he said so”

THATS. NOT EVIDENCE.

oh judge, your oldness never ceases to be to be enjoyable

(that wasn’t sarcasm btw i love that dumb running gag)

seeing phoenix scream from the opposite side of the table is very enjoyable. just because i love seeing phoenix scream but also like having that scream not mean something bad for my case.

i get to have my cake and eat it too! <3

um i dont think you can put dashes in email addresses.

“Don’t tell me!”

“Oh, but I will anyway.”

I love Apollo so, so much.

so you looked far enough into this that you tried to hack his computer but you’ll accept “its mine cause i said so” as concrete proof of something??

“Maybe the recipient of the email was a dog lover!”

he might be on the other side with the kid gloves off but phoenix is still Phoenix “a baseball also has stitches” Wright.

fuck. he walks to the bench. he cant not have legs.

...but maybe........

what the fuck

Atishon has the same birthday as my dad

DISGUSTING

oh my god, seeing phoenix /sweating/ on the other side is even more surreal

i also love that everyones making ‘politicians are gross’ jokes willynilly but they all forget that they’re Criminal Defence Lawyers

“This is... Quite... a thing... you’ve said”

I'm wheezing

this is turning out to be way funnier than i expected

please SOJ I'm having fun don’t stop me now

i mean he has a point. if Atishon leant the item to Bluff to study that still means that Atishon owned it in the first place.

HOWEVER, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PROOF OF THE ORIGINAL ITEM IN ANY WAY RESEMBLING WHAT WE’VE GOT HERE.

its so weird to see phoenix on the wrong side of the bench that i keep getting his voice wrong when i read him out loud. i keep making him sound deep and authoritative instead of... well, how he usually sounds.

“Well, grandchildren ARE meant to be spoiled... I mean, that’s what grandfathers are for!”

judgeyyyyyyyyy

im crying

ema: can i fuck off now

“lets get more info on the crystal”

FINALLY. thank you, athena.

NO, NOT ITS HISTORY, DAMNIT

PROVE THAT IT EXISTS AND YOU OWNED IT.

“back in the old country”

...england..?

pft i though his testimony said “The Hilarious History” instead of illustrious history and i was so ready

“he protected the spirit mediums, a minority back then, from the rest of the locals”

well thats a big fat lie because

A) Kurain village is build on mediums

B) no way the Fey clan would allow a male ruler

we could reaaaaaaaallly use some photo evidence, Atishon.

“One Ives Shineto”

ok what the FUCK. where the hell are all the women?! HEY. SOJ TEAM. DID YOU EVEN GLANCE AT THE oh of course you didnt fuck meeeeeeeeee

also whats that pun

FFFF PHOENIX YA LIL SHIT

“The transformation the mediums underwent when channeling spirits frightened the locals”

i am glad to know changing your entire bone structure is as scary looking as it sounds. of course, i doubt people would be frightened for too long when they were talking to deceased loved ones.

i must say they did do a good job writing Atishon’s lines.

“The Kurain channeling technique is known to have originated from Kooraheen, and Ami was said to travel there to train”

No, Ami invented the technique, and according to your backstory, she lived there first. Can you even keep your own facts straight?

I mean, apart from all this being bullshit and i hate it.

i legit cant believe it took THAT LONG for phoenix to point out the fact that the handover agreement was signed under duress.

that'd be like, the first thing i pointed out.

...ah, there it is. I knew this couldn't stay a happy little civil case for long. Here comes the murder.

Also, really Phoenix? You didn’t bring up the fact that he might have been killed any earlier too?

Now that theyre bringing up the pile of books, I realize how ridiculous it is that there were so many of them on the ground. Pulling out one book might dislodge one or two next to it, but not the entire shelf. For the books to have fallen like that, they would have needed to have been shoved from the other side, or for the shelf to have listed forwards. neither of those things are possible. and nobody noticed this?!

i mean the only reason i didnt think about it was because i knew this was murder from the start.

Man, Phoenix, with all your “with respect for the dead” talk, it sure did take you a while to bring up the fact that you knew he was murdered and the police should probably be getting on that right now.

>edit: Actually I just realized how despicable that is; keeping the fact that this was murder secret just to use it later on as a quick bargaining chip in your civil case.

Hey capcom? You can screw up the series all you like but FUCK you for making Phoenix a skeezy piece of shit on par with the likes of von Karma. Because you know who else withholds information that sensitive for such a petty reason? MANFRED VON KARMA.

Fuck you, capcom, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK you.

“Did you forget who you were up against, Mr. Justice?”

All I do is hurl baseless accusations!!

wow the second this turned into murder i just got tired of this case. Also, Phoenix, you better back your butt back to your seat. Being a murder case, this requires a prosecutor... something that you are not.

theres AN AUTOPSY REPORT. WHY ISNT THIS A SEPARATE TRIAL. THIS SHOULD BE A SEPARATE TRIAL; THIS SHOULD BE BEING... TRIAL-ED IN ANOTHER COURTROOM. you can reference it, and use it as evidence, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST COMBINE THEM.

Damnit, Capcom, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISAPPOINT ME.

BUT YA JUST COULDN’T HELP IT, COULD YOU.

...Datz is in the gallery... But he was just in jai–– fuck it whatever

ok now that this is a murder trial Atishon’s non-answers aren’t funny anymore, theyre ANNOYING. I WANT THIS SHIT TO BE OVER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. YAP ME A CONTRADICTION OR I’LL CRAM YOUR BELOVED PLAQUE UP YOUR POLITICALLY INEPT ASS.

“Try me, o lord of plebs”

its been a long time since any meme-y type person has called someone else a pleb... please try to keep up, SOJ.

i love that phoenix, at the end of each statement, politely states “get the fuck on with it, asshat”

why the fuck did he

fall asleep what

OOO THE JUDGE YELL

AW YEA

“What did I ever do to deserve this?”

you existed in the first place, Apollo. I’m sorry.

No.............

I do not like that Phoenix used the phrase, “Witness, I think it’s time for you to come clean.”

You know who uses phrases like that.

Assholes.

“You should know I always come fully prepared, Justice!”

( buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it––)

...Right, so Phoenix isn’t a prosecutor but he sure as hell has been doing a lot of prosecutorial things. Calling all the witnesses, explaining the case, etc.

Oh and he and and Atishon still didn’t tell anybody that Buff was most likely murdered right off the bat so ffffffuck you capcom

Fuck you, Datz. Stop laughing and fucking focus on the fact that you’ve been accused of murder and it’s kinda tough on your ol’ pal Apoll– oh wait silly me i forgot none of you give a rats ass about him. All you do is laugh and eat and sit around waiting for Sadmad to come home.

“Better brace yourself, son”

Hey guess what Dad warranty expires if you haven’t made or tried to make contact in 20 years so get that word out of your nasty mouth, Dhurke.

“Worried this might make a rift between you two...

...and that you might then leave the agency”

haha

“Hahaha. She has an active imagination”

hahahah

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

“...Nothing a little persuasion couldn’t handle.”

Capcom. If it was something douchey. I will tear you in half.

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR

robot guy

i remember when i used to be excited for each new case. now I'm just scared what new horrors the next will bring.

hang on why does the drone not have a special sound font? if it didnt disguise the operator’s voice it would be kind of obvious who they were...

HOLY SHIT MISSILES

SO... THE WHOLE “BOMBS IN THE COURTROOM ARE HORRIFIC THING” FROM DD IS JUST FORGOTTEN, HUH??

hang on.

“Capitalist pig; I’ll turn you into pork stroganoff”

is “Sarge” legit Russian, then? That explains the “Komandir” thing. Shit, I have to change my voice.

ok so Sarge is written with an American Sargent phonetic accent, but uses Russian rankings and seems to be communist. What am I missing???

“I guess he does dress like he’s in the military...”

hes a paratrooper!!! why dont you know that? i thought you grew up with him.

“That’s true. Papa didn’t keep our house locked up.”

...the... archeologist... with a house full of priceless treasures... didn’t lock his fucking doors.

hey congrats for trusting the mediums and all but guess what? thats irresponsible as fuck and incredibly stupid for a supposed thief so I'm kinda surprised it took you this long to be discovered/bumped off.

those have got to be nerf bullets cause firing a GUN in court is just fucking ridiculous. like too far for Ace Attorney. Melee weapons, ok. Long range firearms? No.

...Though... Note to self... Next time, when creating parody prosecutor, you now have legit grounds to just give him a fucking gun........

“Sorry, but I’m afraid lawyers are missile-proof.”

Note to self. Upgrade gag prosecutor to missile launcher.

ooh, i see this drone is in the same vein as the Assassin’s Radio.

“Courtroom warriors don’t use guns or missiles, because evidence is our weapon of choice!”

Ahah! THATS why prosecutors are so violent. They never have any evidence to back up their assertions so they just fuckin ASSAULT people.

i... had a little chuckle at ‘truth bomb’

“What’s with him and Siberia of all places?”

Well context wise it seems he's some kind of... Defected-to-communist American?

Huh. Athena’s powers must be based purely on sound waves then. Interesting.

Anyway, it’s mood matrix time! Hooray!!! I’ve warmed a lot to the Mood Matrix to be honest. I like the glowy lights.

I’m gonna make a guess right now that something was on fire. Cause thats some PTSD shit right there.

pfft the gallery was so on board with their new judge overlord. Also thank goodness this is Ace Attorney and this shit is allowed to fly, cause you’d get your ass handed to you if you tried this in real court, pal.

Um, I wouldn’t dig any deeper if sarge is still in such a state. It’s not... safe. Either that or you best hope that thing’s bottomless magazine has run out. Plus, I love that whoever’s watching over the actual Sarge in the Lobby hasn’t tried to stop them when they noticed them SCREAMING AND PRESSING THE ‘FIRE’ BUTTON REPEATEDLY.

Or they’ve left Sarge unattended and the Dark Age of the law isn't over because it was an omnipresent thing to begin with...

its ok, game. contrary to what you think, you did write Sarge’s backstory in a memorable enough way for me to remember it up until now.

Huh.

HUH.

So... the person involved in writing Ace Attorney Investigations... Has written a sequence in which we must burn evidence to prove a point, huh?

DONT YOU HINT AT ME, GAME

that solemn moment of reflection doesn’t include Phoenix cause he’s over behind his desk bawling his eyes out

“I’LL BE YOUR NEW PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

actually Athena’s got a point. Her tragic backstory is much more similar to Sarge’s than Apollo’s. She can properly relate to losing one’s last family member in a horrific way.

S––

Well, considering her age, Cutesie Pan-up shot for Armie.

Apollo’s having serious Robin Newman flashbacks right about now

ahhhhhhhhhh. her mom was Russian. It all makes sense. Tbh just for now, forgetting everything else, this kind of does feel like an old case. I’m at peace... for now.

i guess it’s less of an orb and more of some kind of lantern then. Cause you can’t really burn a crystal

unless its

whitcrystal

hahah

hahahahahahahhaha

so far I'm ranking the cases from best to worst: Magical, This part of Revolution, Foreign, Rite and Storyteller.

sgsjgsjsjjs athena’s INTENSE LOOK OF HUNGER as Apollo burns the orb

“I wanna see me some sweet mama goddess”

damn shit thats her face

thats uh

ohhhh

oh i see. I was wondering what the ‘great power’ the orb could bestow upon people was, and now I realize that since it depicts her face, if someone knows her name, they could channel her. And since she's basically an actual goddess that would bestow some serious power.

not bad, not bad at all.

i know i highly dislike Kooraheen but i legit feel kinda blessed

“The issue is crystal clear”

*seals phoenix’s fate with a fucking pun*

dont keep saying “did we just win” before the verdict is handed down, you'll jinx it.

oh hey, blackmail. its like a perfect reenactment of Capcom getting Phoenix to sign onto this sequel.

Phoenix: According to the legend, once the founder returned... She would bestow spiritual power onto the person who solved the riddle.

Apollo: ...Y-youre kidding, right?!

[Apollo looks flummoxed, the gallery whispers. We cut back to Phoenix’s smirk, and then––”

???: Phoenix... Just give it up.

[Phoenix screams in shock. We pan back to Apollo......... Who now has D-Cup breasts and a very familiar face.]

/...i wish.

legit tho i cant believe he's trying to pull this. I'm cackling

this is the lawyeriest lawyer ploy ive ever seen

“What’s gotten into him?”

bad writing.

sdsgsdhjafhgj EVEN THE JUDGE IS CALLING BULLSHIT IM CRYI

(sigh) i guess we’re really gonna have to finish this, aren’t we. oh well. on we go! let’s forge ahead!

y’know i just remembered that Pearl appeared like, once in this. Was that her only part? I guess she just existed to remind us that Kurain village used to have girls in it.

noooooooo fuuuuuuuuuuck

i really hope the contradiction doesn’t require pressing because i aint sitting thru this fuck’s antics again.

it has rounded corners.

and its huge.

phoenix and apollo’s objections are too similar, i can never tell who’s screaming.

“There haven't been many murders there, I take it”

well........ not “many”

i love that Atishon pledges to banish murdeer from Kurain village and Apollo is all “yea good luck with that” like Murder is inevitable, even in a tiny village like Kurain.

Thats. kinda terrifying.

...though considering the way Kurain is...

i cant tell phoenix and apollo’s voices apart (sigh)

i never know whose objecting

Phoenix: my client couldn't have viewed the murder directly from where he said he was, but the fact remains that he had inside knowledge of said crime!

...phoenix, you’re just trying to help apollo along, right? you didnt seriously believe that that sounded positive to your case, instead of Shady as Fuck, right??

“You talk big, Mr. Justice, but do you have what it takes?”

he just finished telling Phoenix he was about to put what Phoenix taught him into practice. Phoenix should be swallowing a lump in his throat and trying not to cry of pride right now.

“that suitcase could be a weapon anyone could use!”

yeah... yeah! even someone in a wheelchair!! oh wait wrong case.

..........but we still have someone in a wheelchair

a 3D crimscene view

haven't seen that shit since AAAJ

‘THAT SHITSTAIN ON THE BOOK PROVES HE WAS HAVIN THE COFFEE SQUIRTS, CASE CLOSED BOYS”

sorry i just felt like being vulgar

“and there it is, the final excuse cornered killers are so fond of”

holy shit

i love apollo

phoenix shut up please, just shut up

let it end

let me rest

oh wait

ah here we go.

“hes a bright young politician with a future ahead of him, its in our nations best interests to avoid burdening him with the taint of scandal”

hey, uh Enshiro

ill never forgive you for putting those words in Phoenix Wright’s mouth

“Lawyer! Do something! Or a bad thing will happen to ‘her’!”

no? nobody else heard that incredibly obvious threat? nobodys gonna

“whats he talking about? well, i can ponder that later. for now...”

FUCK

YOU

DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT IS CONNECTED TO YOUR FUCKING EARS?!

HOW THICK HEADED DO YOU HAVE TO FFUCKING BE TO NOT RECOGNIZE A GODDAMN THREAT WHEN YOU HEAR ONE YOU

YOU

YOU PUTRID PICKLED RED PEPPER?!?!??!?!

Athena: oh yeah i also heard Atishon making blatant threats at Phoenix but meh, phoenix made me pinky swear not to tell.

I’m not shitting a lung in fury, I’m just getting rid of an organ i dont need through the nearest available passage. I’m perfectly calm and not cursing this game, Eshiro and his entire team to the pits of their own stupid made up hell.

“I had no idea. This must’ve been excruciating for him.”

i wanted to write a sarcastic jingle but i had trouble coming up with rhymes, so the blunt bottom line is:

when you’re not good at writing, simply steal clever and impactful plots from previous iterations so that you’ll seem clever and exciting

i mean

nobody even remembers Farewell my Turnabout anymore, right????

what the fuck is his deal with being king

OH SHUT UP DURKE

GO FUCK YOURSELF

think youre gonna steal Franziska and Mia’s thunder????????????? no

you aren’t a fucking fraction of an inch as cool as either of them.

“he’s saved my neck so many times”

when

“where there’s a will, there’s a way”

how about where theres a whip, theres a better game?

“wait................... maybe we can summon the founder now that we can see her face??”

aww. you got there in the end, didnt you apollo.

...that doesnt automatically spare Maya’s life. Pearl is also a spirit medium. And i’m fairly certain there are other–– oh wait SOJ retconned that neverMIND

anyway, Atishon could still bump Maya off and then force Pearl to channel Mamma Kooraheen

OH MY GOD HE JUST BROUGHT UP PEARL

WHY PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID

WIMPERSON BROUGHT UP PEARL

THE IDIOT VILLAIN BROUGHT UP THE FLAW IN YOUR BRILLIANT PLAN

GSEGFISGUILSGIULSGUI;SRHG

“pearl wouldn't help you if anything happened to maya”

um. you morons think he’d politely ask her to help??? he's already kidnapped someone and threatened their death?? he and his founder aren't above torture or blackmail????????????

you FUCKING MORONS

why even bother resigning? just do what you did before and let him go to jail.

...this’d better just be a lead up to his breakdown animation

YOU COCKSUCKING FUCKSTAINS JUST END IT ALREADY

END IT END IT END IT EDN TI EDNEI HDFI HSRLG SIHFLIHIR HF;LIVHLSIRHIGHISRHOVGLORIH’WI’HSGOI’WSGZIHSI

“if only you'd been smart enough to kill the girl, too...”

wow

...what the fuck

well that was... interesting.

i cant even celebrate Phoenix congratulating Apollo, I'm just so tired

there are like 85 sarcastic remarks i could make but I'm just so exhausted

yay we got the orb

dootdootdoot dootdootdoot

even the judge doesnt want to have anything more to do with this.

im right there with ya judgey

“All I can say is, thats my boy!”

NO, YOU DONT GET TO CLAIM PARENTAL PRIDE OF THIS KID

HES NOT YOUR BOY

YOU BARELY RAISED HIM

GO HOME AND DO YOUR SHITTY COUP

“Still, its kinda nice to be appreciated”

if only you actually were, Apollo

yeah, thought so... ill bet they dont even channel her. cop out.

“tsk, thats no fun” indeed, trucy

i love how nobodys like “OK WHERE’S MAYA??? IS SHE OK???”

its fine her whereabouts are unknown and the last info on her was just that her life was in danger

pfffff

its alright, Armie has a place at the WAO

"i knew if i admitted i could walk, id have to leave the house”

uh honey newsflash: you can leave the house in a wheelchair too. I'm pretty sure your dad would let you stay inside anyway

christ how fucking corny can you get. I CAN WALK AGAIN. why dont we just have Tiny Tim in here throwing away his crutch and dancing a fucking jig

see, there we are. Maya’s still in danger you fuck wits.

and part one is over, folks! i am pooped. and furious.

till next time.

#sulking over SOJ #im so.... i #this fucking game good christ this fucking game

4 notes · View notes

vanchlo · 8 years ago

Text

the assistant / chapter eighteen, “down”

hey there!!!!! woah it’s been so long, i am so so sorry!!! it’s so good to be typing all this up and making this post haha and its kinda weird trying to get back into it too, i missed picking the gif and little sneak peeks out for the post on here lol. i hope you’ve all been well and had great holidays!! well i came back to this chapter that was sitting around for awhile and i wrapped up the end of it, and so i figured i would post it. hopefully it isn’t utter trash haha. i really don’t know when the next chapter will be up or if i’m back with this story just to be honest with you, but i thought i would give it another try and my bf like really wanted me to try again for awhile lol hes pretty great, so you have him to thank lmao. i really wanted to say a big thank you to those of you who have sent me lovely messages about the story (im sorry if some got lost :( or i never replied to) and who have been so patient, it means the world and im so excited to share this new one with you because of your continued love and support for this story, because i know youre all so excited. it still amazes me honestly, you guys are the best. but yes i hope you like this, plz plz let me know what you think! i enjoy!!!! :-)

p.s. - i can’t remember for the fricken life of me how i formatted their texts so be easy on me lol theres not a lot to work with or do, i hope theyre easy to understand :) ugh if only you could change the color of the font on here it would be so much easier sigh

old chapterzzzzzz!

i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse.

i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist. the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk.

with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great.

it feels like everybody’s eyes are on the back of my neck when i eventually walk out of the bathroom and back to my desk. when i turn around, there’s nobody watching or staring or prying. just my messed up conscious and paranoid mind, because that’s nice. i discreetly run a finger under my eyes as i pull out the wheely chair and sit back down, lifting the top of my macbook to open it up. holding down the power button, the white apple logo soon appears on my screen. with a sniffle, i pull at the tight waist of these black dress pants before typing my password in.

the plain mountain background loads quickly, and a second later a soft chime sounds. and then there’s another. dragging my eyes to the top right corner of the shiny screen, i see the name i dread maybe the most.

(H in italics and B in bold-italics :-))

12:05pm

please try to be nice with

the costume, pretty

please with a cherry on top?

12:10pm

you’re making me nervous,

becks.

and a new chime just as this message comes in, all fresh and new.

12:23pm

you there, love?

yeah sorry. got busy.

it’s ok.

instead of replying, i venture to chrome and open my email to find too much freaking shit. the third or fourth email is from him, time stamped from around eight am. he probably finished the list up and sent it from home last night, which isn’t too weird for him. sometimes it comes the night before, if he’s feeling generous or something like that.

12:29pm

what’s this file you want?

what?

on the list. it just says ‘find the

heartwood file for me asap and bring

it to me’. you need to learn to be more

specific you know, i thought we talked

about this.

12:30pm

oh yeah. that. sorryyyyyy, i

know we spoke about

it. yeah, i need the

criminal file on bertie

heartwood. it’s not on the

online database as a digital file, so

you’ll have to go down

to the basement where

they keep all of the real paper ones.

you’ve been down there

the one time right? it

wasn’t too bad, huh?

yeah it was a jolly old time, i loved the

creepy old geezer sitting in the door shoving his face with a twinkie who couldn’t help me for shit. i almost had

an asthma attack from all of the dust

and i don’t have asthma!

damn you’re hilarious,

becks.

shutup, i’m being serious.

don’t send me a fucking smiley face.

first i have to do all of that awful filing

and now i have to go down to the

basement to the papers room where who knows

how many rats live with the creepy old

guy staring at my bum and boobs. watch, i probably

will never even get back up here to

17 because the elevator will have

stopped working, or the weirdo shanked me and i bled out. and god, don’t even

get me fucking started on the

cobwebs down there.

language! and would you chill out? there

are no bloody rats in my

law firm

i heard something the last time i was

down there trying and failing to find

that witman file for you, and i turned

around and i swear to god i saw a

tail, harry.

stop it, you did not see

a bleeding rat down there.

and i keep my firm

blooming spotless, so hush.

you still need to find a new clerk guy

down there who isn’t a 80 year old

who probably has an arrest or two

having to do with pedophilia and porn.

i bet you fifty pounds if you had the

techies look at his computer you’d find pornhub.com in his web history.

bloody hell becks. he

does not. jerry’s background

is spotless. ya really think

i’d take a bet on somebody

like that?

well all he does is basically just guard

about fifty dusty shelves of files, so

yeah maybee.

fuck you, you little shit.

uh no, i only get to call you that.

sure you do.

shutup.

can i pleaseeeeee not go down there?

i was considering it, but

not after all that lousy stuff

you said about the papers

room and nice old jerry.

he is not nice, harry! he’s so rude.

doesn’t even help me when i have a

question, scouts honor.

no way, you were a girl scout?

ya sell all those yummy boxes

of biscuits, too?

shut up.

ya better be nice, or i just

might make you come to

that ball with me after all,

you little shit.

stop calling me that, that’s my line.

would you rather i come down

and give you another nice

tour? i don’t really want to,

because i’m supposed to be

doing this skype call with

somebody from ny, and

hell thats why i asked you

to do it.

god, don’t be too honest there.

i’m sorry, just not looking forward

to this skype call. and amber

won’t stop blowing up my phone,

she’s in a real mood today.

what’s new with that?

be nice, becks.

i’m just stating the truth, that’s all.

his reply is lagged, and i tap my fingers against my thigh as i wait for the word ‘read’ to show up under my message. and more so for the little bubble to show up. i don’t know if i’m thankful or what when the t-rex rings and i drag my hand over with a huff to pick it up.

“styles and lawson, this is becky,” i answer the most mock cheerfully that i can do on a monday.

“hi, i was wondering who i could talk to about how i could go about setting up a consultation with mr. styles?” a chipper voice replies.

“i’m mr. styles’ assistant, so i can gladly answer that question for you,” i reply.

ten unnecessary minutes later, i finally set the phone down. and when i turn to wake up my computer, there’s a red bubble stuck to my little messages icon. with a shake of my head, i click on it and find harry’s texts. but i hardly get a chance to read them, when his name pops up in the corner of my screen again, but this time he’s calling me.

sticking my hand into my drawer, i pull my buzzing phone out and swipe my thumb across the screen.

“god, what do you want now?” i reply fake annoyed.

“ya betta watch it, becks. actually ‘m surprised ya answered, ya weren’t replying t’ me texts.”

“i’m sorry, i had to explain to some old lady on the phone that just because you’re such a greaaaat lawyer, that you don’t take all cases that come at you, and she wasn’t that happy because of that and because she doesn’t really know how to work email to send me a consult. actually i don’t think she even has one.”

“oh, i see. well sorry i blew up yer mac, but was hopin’ ya’d go an’ get that file fer me soon. pleeeease, becks?” he says, apology heavy in his tone, before it switches to something sickeningly sweet. what a little shit.

“can’t like, you call down there and just have them send it up somehow?”

“this isn’ a bloody post office, becks. ’s jus’ one li’l file, tha’s actually real important. an’ i need it, i wouldn’ ask ya t’ go get it if i didn’ need it.”

“suuuuure,” i sigh, browsing through this week’s list quickly, but it’s not much use because this isn’t the final length. it’ll just keep getting added to as the week carries on. the usual.

“come on, becks. i won’ make ya go down there fer awhile afta this, ok?”

“weak proposition, mr. lawyer,” i reply sassily, pushing my hair behind my ear as i open another email reading a consult from a possible client.

“‘m not gonn’ bribe you.”

“why not?”

“you cheeky li’l thing you, jus’ go get tha bloody file before i come out there.”

“wow, you’re soooo scary,” i tease, hearing his fed up huff.

“jus’ go get tha damn file, you bloody li’l shit,” he chuckles softly. “now i really hafta go, tha bloke’s s’posed t’ be callin’ any mo’ now.”

“no, wait!”

“whaaaat?” he groans.

“i forgot where i look down there, because you know there’s like fifty shelves with boxes of files on them.”

“bloody hell, becks, just ask jerry.”

“i am not talking to that creeper ever again in my life,” i whisper, lowering my voice when somebody walks by. “and he is soooo a creeper, harry! the last time i was down there, i was looking through a box of files that was on the bottom shelf, and when i looked up the bloke’s eyes were glued to my cleavage!”

what comes next is a little explosion of giggles from his side, and i have to resist rolling my eyes because it’s not as good when he can’t see it. since we’re on the phone, even though he’s like . . well right over there.

“becks, yer too damn funny fer yer own good, darlin’,” he gets out in a long titter, and i deal him back a sigh. “ok don’ botha with jerry then, but ’s organized by tha alphabet if i rememba right from tha last time i was down there. but yeah ’s just by last name, so it shouldn’ be too hard t’ find, love.”

“wow, thanks for calling me dumb.”

“‘m not callin’ you dumb, becks!” he laughs, and when i hear the familiar ringing sound faintly i know it’s his skype. “hey sorry, that bastard’s ringin’ me, so i gott’ go. but if ya ‘ave any troubles, jus’ text me an’ ‘ll try t’ get back t’ ya fairly quick.”

“ok, don’t get too bored,” i joke, hearing his sweet giggle for only a second.

“thanks, babe, don’ die down there,” he replies, and i only get a scoff in before he says a quick goodbye.

with a dreaded touch and an exaggerated groan, i stab the lit up plastic button labeled ‘bmt’ and take a few steps and turn to lean against the back wall of the elevator i’m alone in. with a soft hum, the doors squeeze back together and it starts to move down as i stare ahead at my blurry reflection in the shiny doors.

12:50pm

this really fricken sucks,

like a lot.

i stab my thumb at the ‘send’ button and let out a huff after pressing the lock button waiting to arrive in the moldy scary basement. the red led number above the doors falls one by one, sticking at ‘9’ before it drops again.

buzz buzz.

12:54pm

hush, don’t start being a

whine baby on me now.

i told you i won’t make you

go down there for awhile

after this.

you better not.

oh stop being so dramatic.

i think i got that from you.

you’re just hilarious.

why thank you.

now get off your phone and

go get that file.

i’m on the elevator as we

speak, god chill!

you chill, and stop taking the

lord’s name.

since when do you care?

doesn’t matter, now i gotta go.

this bloke is almost back from

whatever the hell he had to do,

and i gotta pay attention, this call

is important.

ok, sorry for bothering you.

don’t, you’re not bothering me.

why do ya always think you’re a

bother becks? but

text me if you need me for any

help with finding the file, and i’ll

try my best, i just might take a

bit to reply.

thank you, harry. you know

you’re probably the best, right?

thanks, sweetheart :) you’re

pretty darn great yourself.

you’re welcome, and thanks :)

i wait for a quick witted reply, and after a little bit i think he should have replied by now with how quick his replies were coming. and so i stuff my phone away in my pocket, and look up to find the doors peeling apart. i take in a deep breath and step off the elevator, pulling my long gray sweater around me at the change of temperature. fuckkkkkk, i do not need this too.

with shivering shoulders and chattering teeth, i tiptoe down the hall - because well there’s not a fucking soul around and i feel like it’s too quiet and shit is going to echo - and soon spot the little sign that reads ‘file room’. but ever since i stepped my first foot into this form, it’s always been called ‘the papers room’ for a reason i don’t know, and that i should probably ask harry one day. or asher.

sure enough, wrinkly and graying and not to mention balding jerry whitter is sat at his black desk scrolling away on his silver desktop. probably looking at girl on girl action, or something really weird, i just have a weird feeling. it takes him too long to look up and when he does, i savor the look on his face because fuck i know he was looking at porn. that git.

with a forced smile stretching across his stubbly chubby cheeks, his thin lips you could hardly discern from his gray mustache part, “oh hullo, love. come down to find another file. ya need any help finding anything?” he says ever so cheerily, but i know it’s fake.

“uh no thanks, i think i got it,” i reply, trying a smile that he returns, but it’s last about a second. with a shiver and my arms pulled around myself, i walk past the wimpy coworker of mine dressed in a long sleeved gray button down and slacks. i don’t even want to think about those slacks and any other part of his body for that matter.

that thought gives me another shiver as i pass the tall gray metal shelves of cardboard box heavy with ancient files. all i know is that most of the files that harry and the other lawyers used and need these days are online digitally, and that somebody who’s not fucking jerry is in the process of scanning all of these to get them online. but i can imagine there’s a point where it’s just been enough, and what’s the point if you don’t need them? at least that’s what i think.

clearing my throat and trying to do the same with my mind, i bow my head and lift my hand to find the hot pink post it i scribbled down the info on, knowing i’ll most likely forget.

bertie heartwood

criminal files

1989

with a huff, i stuff it back away in the pocket of my sweater, pulling the front tighter across my chest. glancing a hasty look over my shoulder back at jerry, all i know is that i’m glad he’s not looking me up, and i don’t bother to see what he’s staring at on his computer. bad idea, becky, bad idea. and so i cross my arms over my chest, wincing at my annoying ass bra digging into my side as i look at the little sign on the very left of the shelf by the aisle. ‘a-f’ it reads. i try to hold back the groan as i walk down the long ass aisle, and turn to peek in the next one. like the other side, the very last shelf has another little sign reading ‘g-m’ and i drag my feet down to the beginning. first i go too far and i’m stuck in the g’s, and then when i veer to the right of the aisle i’m in the fucking j’s, because god. ughhhh.

i almost jump out of my fucking flats when my hip buzzes, and i look down to find the screen of my phone lit up. the smile is hard to push down at the sight of his words, and what they are.

12:55pm

it going alright? you get lost

down there, bub?

no, not yet. but apparently

finding the h’s in this aisle for

g-m is harder than it looks.

the screen goes dark as i stare at it waiting for his response, but it doesn’t come right away, and so i assume he’s caught up with his skype call. i don’t even know why he bothered anyways, especially since he joked somewhat about me leaving him alone. i turn my attention and eyes back to the boxes upon boxes of files waiting in front of me. after awhile, i finally get a little warmer and find the h’s. you’d think it wouldn’t be too hard to find ‘he-‘ especially when there shouldn’t be that big of a variety of files here, but yeah no. first there’s habergram. haberly. habittle. hack. hackney. hackman. like i’ve never seen so many ‘ha-’s in my entire life. what the fuck, harry?

my phone says it’s a few ticks away from quarter after one when i finally locate the ‘he-’s and then it’s not too bad then, considering ‘hea-‘ is right in the beginning, or so i hope. but after a minute or two, i finally finally the little label reading ‘heartwood, bertie’ and pull out the frayed dusty black file.

“ya find all that you need?” jerry questions when i walk up to his desk, much to my dismay.

“yep, thanks,” i answer, plucking a clicky pen from his coffee mug full of them. hmm so maybe the coffee mug of pens is a thing here, huh?

dreadfully so, i lean down and press the pen to the clipboard, but this time i remember to hold the file to my chest so the perv can’t look down my shirt. fucking gross. first i scribble down the date, time of 1:34pm, the name of the file as well as the handy dandy code on the lip of the file i have to locate first and then make it out and yada yada it’s too much work really, and finally i put down my autograph at the end.

jerry and i exchange small ‘thanks’ and he mutters a ‘bye’ i fully ignore, before i peel out of there and get back on the elevator afraid to be down there another minute more.

1:35pm

you still on the phone?

a dictionary sized ‘delivered’ pops up under my message after a moment, but no read receipt before i check my notifications and a few other things as the elevator brings me up. i’m happy when it sounds a long ding and the doors open, letting me breath again as i step out onto seventeen. the keys are clicking and the phones are a ringing as i walk back to my desk, veering for people in slacks and skirts rushing with their cups of tea and stacks of paper before i swing down harry’s hall. i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse, so all i get is a glance of a wacky mugshot of a weird looking guy before i let it fall closed only a few steps away from harry’s door.

doing a once over for anybody busting me, even though i know it’s not going to happen or so i hope, i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist.

the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk. with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great.

“u-uh can i help you with something, sir? i’m sorry, but nobody’s allowed in here without harry already-,” i begin, looking over his combed back thinning hair and broad-set frame.

“i got it, becks,” a voice says quickly, and when i turn my head, harry’s slipping into the room with his hard eyes set on the stranger standing in front of the both of us.

his emerald’s a different body of water from the man’s before us fall to me and i see something in his face that i don’t like. “are you sure?” i say quietly to him.

he nods his head and gives me a small smile, but i don’t know how much i believe it. “‘m sure, love, jus’ gimme a mo’ with him, alright?” he replies, patting my arm with his hand, and i don’t know why or how or what, but i catch his hand when it falls from me. it’s almost awkward and i don’t know what i’m doing or what my little half hatched plan is, but i hold it for a moment along with his gaze and last ditch murmur of his name. “’s fine, becks, promise. why dontcha go take yer break now, yeah?” he continues, giving me another reassuring smile that i don’t know if i can handle or accept, or whatever.

“ok,” i say, dropping his hand but not before i give it a little squeeze, one that he returns warmly. “let me know if you need anything.”

“will do,” he replies, before i turn away and head for the door, holding the image of his off smile and his whole off look in my mind. and the other thing sitting on his face that i don’t think i’ve ever seen before. nerves.

the door opens swiftly with a click, and as my back is to harry and the odd old guy, i hear the beginning of his brash voice. the voice of the other harry. “what, ya not know how t’ work a phone or sumthin’, can ya not gimme a quick ring befo’ ya jus’ swing by wheneva ya bloody like? i have a job ya know - people i represent an’ stuff i gott’ do, meetings i hafta go t’ an-“

“i bleedin’ built this place, ya not rememba that or sumthin’ . .” the stranger booms back in the same accent identical to harry’s, giving me a jump and making this whole thing even weirder. and with that, making me even more confused.

i blink hard before opening my eyes as the last bit of harry’s cold words spat at the stranger melt away from my ears with the distance i put between us, but i catch deep shouts and a raspy one in return. one i know all too well. and it hits me in the gut. because for some odd fucking reason, i want to spin around and stomp back over to his door and do i don’t know, something to get it to stop. to get the man to go away, a man i have a bad feeling about i know that already, and so i can wipe that scared nervous feeling from harry and make it all better.

but i know i shouldn’t and all of things, i know that i can’t. it’s not like that, and with a sad thought, i think it probably will never be like that. with another click, i step inside the break room and pop open the fridge, wishing the can of soda was something else. something still fizzy, but heavy to the taste and not sweet. something a happy medium like my favorite wine coolers, which only sends me into another dark thought about the man i just left. the man i care too fricken much about. fucking shit.

i knock the back of my middle knuckle against the screen of the kiosk, tapping hard at my numbers before pushing open the door to get back to work. i drop the black file i never actually put in harry’s hand on the last rack of the new little black file rack on my desk. i plop back down onto my chair, hearing a squeak i roll my eyes at. but my ass hardly hits the stiff chair when i hear shouting from far away and then a door slam, and when i think i recognize one of the voices, i fly out of that seat.

almost running, i bolt over to harry’s hallway in time to have the burly pissed old guy nearly charging past me. he gives me a dirty look that immediately reminds me too much of harry’s for some odd reason, before he rounds the corner and stomps away. with a gulp, my feet move again from being still and i carefully tread down to harry’s door. for what feels like the hundredth time, i hesitate when i reach my hand out to wrap around the door, but this time a feeling burns in my gut that i should and that i need to do this.

and with that, i turn the handle slowly even though an urgency pricks at my skin to turn it faster and harder, and everything else. i spot him almost instantaneously. back to me. shoulders taut and then shaking. little sad sounds carrying across the room from him.

i don’t know what to do. my body is rigid, every single fricken part of it. and so when i try to move my legs- hell just a muscle, i can’t. the fear immobilizes me. it restricts me as the pained sounds of what can only be his crying pricks at my ears, like the sharp end of little pins poking your skin, one by one, getting worse and worse. a breath is stuck in my lungs, not going anywhere along with the rest of me. and it only makes this worse, when i didn’t think that was an option.

all of a sudden the sniffles and the hoarse throaty sounds cease altogether, and i see his shoulders twitch. then a hand run through his impeccable curls that were messy for only a second, if that. all of a sudden he turns around and as if the sight of his red rimmed glassy eyes devoid of a care but riddled with emotion weren’t enough to send my mental self crashing to the ground, the look on his face when he sees me standing there with a foot out the door and the other in kills me altogether.

a syllable begins on his tongue i see. maybe my name. it pains me to even think it, but maybe another cry. or something possibly worse if that could happen: the beginning of a yell. the second one returns with a kick as i watch his eyes fill with tears again before he looks away with a knuckle to his eyes.

“i-i’m sorry, i don’t mean to barge in-,” i begin, but it all comes out wrong, and nothing right. it’s a mess, just like me. and well him, too. i don’t know what he’s thinking or doing, as his head is bent down looking at something on his desk, probably just finding something to do to occupy the embarrassment and the awkwardness that is all me. all fucking me. but i can’t blame him. because hell, i wouldn’t know what to do if he found me crying, well again. “harry,” is all that feels right and as i watch him poke his finger at a mini yellow legal pad with his gorgeous scrawling on it, a sob stutters in his throat. and i’m fucking gone.

within a blink or two, i’m standing in front of him. unsure of what to do. reach out, or go away. his adam’s apple bobs with a gulp before he lifts his chin slowly to look at me, and kill me with that defeated drowned look that makes me feel all sorts of horrible. for him. all for him. and because of what the fuck can i do?

but it’s more like what can’t i when i tug on his sleeve to bring him over to me until he’s close enough to wrap my arms around. that’s too late though, because his are already going around me and by the time i get mine around him, his face is bent into my neck with his hot tears melting into it. as he melts into me with throaty sobs leaving his lips.

i don’t know what to do, or what to say for that matter. i don’t even realize i’m doing it, or hell that i’m doing anything when i find my fingers lost in his hair combing through the end of his crazy curls, and drifting down to the long expanse of his back i rub in circles. through the easy silk of his shirt, i feel his taut strong back as it shakes with each hoarse cry and rises with a rattly breath that tickles against my now damp neck. we stand there for the next ten minutes, his head glued to my shoulder and my arms surrounding him and not moving an inch no matter how tired they get. but i hold onto him tight, my neck slick with tears and his breaths loud and hiccupy.

with every hiccupy cry that falls from his lips, my arms wrap around him a little tighter and my hands rub a little harder.

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wiltking · 8 years ago

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1 hi wilt. im starting university soon and everyones so excited but im trans and im dreading it more than anything. im trying to get inclusive housing but theyre not making it easy and i realized im going to have to debate with them on the phone several times in order to even begin to convince them to do this. and they still might not. i have crippling phone anxiety, i get choked up making phone calls to ask store hours so idk how ill do this. and on top of that in order to get inclusive (cont)

housing and to get my name/gender changed in the records i need my parents permission, parents who have been denying my gender for years despite me explicitly telling them im trans over and over. and hrt doesnt look like its gonna happen anytime in the next couple of years. im such a wreck and i really just dont want to deal with this. society makes being trans so fucking hard like it just punishes us even though we didnt do anything wrong. anyway i just wanted to let you know that your blog makes me feel better bc it lets me know that im not the only one fighting the system. sometimes society almost convinces me that im being stupid and ridiculously demanding and i should just give in and kill myself bc im not obviously not wanted. but then i remember that people like you are out there. its comforting to know that not everyone hates me just because of who i am. and your art is so incredible and i love the representation and trans positivity. it has inspired me to make my own trans ocs and i found that it really helped make things more bearable to have characters like me to write and draw and dream about. keep up the good work and i hope one day things work out for the both of us. i apologize for being long winded and venting, i just wanted to get my feelings out and let you know how grateful i am for the work you put into this community

hi anon, sorry for taking a little while to reply. this just hit me in a number of ways and i didnt know what to say. ive definitely heard horror stories about universities disrespecting trans students. it really does suck. i hope you wont be the first trans person thats requested housing and they have some experience with it... but if they continue to refuse, maybe you can make a fuss about it. file some kind of complaint. because you deserve better. sometimes it works, sometimes not. maybe you’ll be able to pave the way to make things better for trans students who come after you.

i dont have much experience with that kind of thing though. i was out when i went to college but.. quietly. instead of requesting a name change on the records i would email my professors and request to use my correct name in their classes. it wasnt ideal but it was all i was brave enough to do at the time. because ive had so many horrible experiences with telling people im trans, i automatically assume bad things will happen. but i think ive already experienced the worst possible things from my home life, so now im somewhat jaded. and have the ability to be way more assertive. because whats the worst that can happen? something ive already lived through and survived? bring it on. it awful but i know i can deal with it.

and yknow, sometimes people are decent. yesterday i got my name changed on my drivers license and the nice lady at the dmv told me what i had to do to change my gender marker (even though i told her i wasnt doing that yet). so i think not all hope is lost for us folks. its true i feel hopeless 98% of the time but i think its always worth it to try our best. sometimes that means taking matters into your own hands and demanding certain treatment, and other times it means gritting your teeth and putting up with a bad situation for a few years. i wish i had more positive things to say here but it sounds like you know how ive been through the wringer. im wishing you all the best with your university situation though. let me know how it goes? i also have atrocious phone anxiety and have to call my insurance tomorrow about covering my transition this year so we’ll both be suffering :’)

ive heard trans people on hrt say that the time spent pre-hrt will seem like nothing once you get the goods, and i find that hard to believe. ive known hrt was right for me since i was 14/15 and i still wont be on it by the time im 20. the only upside to having to wait so long is that my need for it is absolutely solidified. my mom has fed doubt into my head for these entire 5 years but the jokes on her i still want it! and im getting it this year no matter what! the #1 thing that really got me through to this point was focusing on my own completed goals, no matter how small. things like buying my first pair of men’s pants, telling a friend i was trans for the first time, requesting hrt from my doc when i was like 16 (i got turned down, but the point is i tried), and every time i stand up for myself is a victory. i wont lie to you, its extremely shitty to have to wait so long for treatment, but there are still little things you can do.

im also super glad youre making trans ocs!! thats absolutely my #1 way to cope and process gender shit. its literally like therapy for me. really glad to know its helping you too. sorry this got so long; last thing i want to say is that anything bad or difficult that happens to you will make you stronger.

#and thank you so much for your kind words at the end of your message #long post #anon #ask wilt

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topicprinter · 6 years ago

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Hi all, I recently wrote this post about how Drip screwed over its most loyal customers and I thought perhaps /r/Entrepreneur would get value out of my lessons learned.----If you’re not familiar, Drip is email marketing software that’s pretty heavy on the marketing automation front. I won’t do them the courtesy of a link, so you’ll have to Google them if you want to check it out.They’ve been around since 2012 or so, founded by someone I trusted, but he sold the business to Leadpages a few years ago, and it’s been going downhill ever since.I’ve been using them for years as the backbone of two “side” businesses: IndieHive, which covers this website for freelancers and the related products and services that I sell, and Everleads, a curated lead generation site for freelance designers and developers.In 2016 and 2017, I really dug deep into Drip. I built out dozens of interconnected workflows to carefully shepherd my subscribers through various funnels and sequences with duplicate emails or annoying content that’s not relevant to them. I integrated my web front-end with their APIs so that I could customize the site for subscribers. I wrote bridging scripts to connect it to Mixpanel for analytics, and I used Zapier to hook Drip up to even more services. It was the heart of my entire business, and it was awesome.But throughout 2018, things started to go awry.I kept experiencing glitches in the workflows where people would get stuck on workflow steps that should be instant, like “remove tag”. Or people would end one workflow and start another, but not have any of the data that the first workflow had set. There were honestly dozens of these little glitches, but individually they were minor.Also troubling: deliverability started to slip. Not precipitously, and I can’t prove that it wasn’t just my emails, but I have heard from others that they were having issues with getting their emails into people’s inboxes in 2018.But the most egregious thing for all of this was that support was basically no help at all. I probably opened two dozen support requests in 2018 and I’m not sure they actually resolved a single one. We’d spend hours going back and forth so they could even understand the problem. Then they’d almost always say one of two things:“For a workaround, just insert a number of delays between steps in your workflows so that the system doesn’t get confused!” So all my workflows had little 5 minute delay steps to try and make sure things worked correctly. Which they still didn’t. Wtf.Or they’d just say they need to escalate to the developers and then I’d get an email weeks or months later from some random support engineer letting me know they were still looking into why the most basic functions of their software don’t work right. Awesome.Alarmed by this, I repeatedly researched alternatives throughout 2018, but nothing seemed worth going through the pain of migration and the risk of just having similar issues somewhere else. So I kept resolving to be patient with Drip and hope (pray) that they were hard at work at undoing whatever architectural disaster had led us here.And then…In early January 2019, while I was on a relaxing cruise with my wife for our 15th anniversary, I got an email from Drip:https://ryanwaggoner.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/drip-bullshit-pricing-email-2.pngSo basically: “Hey, we’re raising our prices in 12 days! You can keep your current price if you switch to an annual plan!”And if you read it carefully, there’s something pretty important missing from this email.It doesn’t say what the new pricing is**. Seriously wtf.**So I emailed to ask. They responded the next day (so now I have 11 days) to reveal they were doubling my monthly price.Drip raised my price from $184 / month to $368 / month with 12 days notice.That’s just about the worst way imaginable to treat your oldest and most loyal customers.And it was the last straw for me.Now, to be clear, I completely understand wanting to grow a company in a new direction, or thinking that you need to raise prices to reflect more value.But you don’t do it when your platform is half-broken, you don’t do it with 12 days notice, and you grandfather in existing customers, at least for long enough for them to migrate. Also, you tell them the price when you tell them that prices are rising.It’s hard to imagine how Drip could have been more disrespectful to their customer base than what they did here.So as of last month, I switched all my subscribers to ConvertKit and ActiveCampaign for Everleads and IndieHive, respectively. That’s thousands of dollars that Drip won’t be getting from me. I managed to get both setups completely migrated off just before their billing renewal dates, in one case with literal minutes to spare.It was a pain and required some late nights but it was worth it to deny them another penny.I’m not alone in feeling upset about this. Twitter was ablaze for weeks with people who were angry and bailing for greener, more respectful pastures. I’ve taken a sick joy in watching a lot of people migrate off Drip with much larger lists than mine.I also cancelled Leadpages in favor of Instapage. I was already unhappy with Leadpages, mainly because it feels pretty clunky and dated, they aren’t very responsive to user feedback, and they’re still missing some pretty basic things (like being able to pass form data to the thank you page. Seriously?).Side note: I was going to link to the Leadpages idea portal, but they apparently shut it down. Makes sense, since it was filled with hundreds of good ideas with many, many customer votes that had been ignored for years.Regardless, even if Leadpages was awesome, they own Drip and I won’t give another penny to such an unethical company that treats its customers so poorly.And this migration was a huge pain (which is what they were counting on), partly because of how complex my Drip setups were, but also because ConvertKit and ActiveCampaign are both pretty different from each other and from Drip. On the surface, they all do some of the same things, but once you dig in, things diverge, which made the migration especially painful.Drip is complicated. Stupidly so. In fact, it’s so complicated that there are a number of problems using it:It doesn’t really work. I mean, it does like 99% of the time, but that last 1% means that some of your subscribers are going to have a bad time. And it’s not just that their emails won’t show up. They might just get stuck in a workflow, or skip some emails in a sequence, or get things at the wrong times, or lose data, etc. And since this happens randomly, the number of subscribers who experience it accumulates over time.The customer support reps don’t really know how it works, because it’s too complicated. So you end up spending hours writing up descriptions of the problem and putting together screencasts to show how things don’t seem to be working, and the only response you get is that they’ll have to ask the developers.It encourages you to setup really fancy complex automations which, even if they did work, are way beyond what you actually need. Just imagine: you can do anything! You can track everything! You can have an unlimited number of tags and fields! Track and automate all the things!Your setup can end up being really brittle and deeply tied to the Drip architecture, which is a problem if you want to migrate off. And it’s hard to expand and modify over time without breaking all kinds of things for your subscribers who are in those automations.The setup is hard to document. It’s easy to end up with a large collection of documents and spreadsheets and screencasts to try and explain not only what you did, but why you did it.It’s hard to audit and debug when things go wrong. And things will go wrong. It’s hard to tell exactly what’s happening with your subscribers, where things went off the rails, and how to get it back on track without screwing things up further.In the end, Drip for me felt like a really shitty programming language. Technically possible to do almost anything, but so painful that in the end you wish you hadn’t bothered.By contrast, ConvertKit is simple. And yes, I think it’s too simple in places. I think there are some genuine gaps in the functionality that makes it a little too hard to get done the things you want.But I’m also aware of the fact that I’m coming from Drip and a really convoluted setup, so being forced to simplify is probably a good thing.And ActiveCampaign is not simple, but it’s powerful in a bunch of ways that Drip should have been. Additionally, it has the distinction of actually being, you know, functional. Crazy, I know.Also, ActiveCampaign apparently is more open to feedback than Drip. I posted a Twitter thread listing some things that I like about it and Jason VandeBoom, the founder of ActiveCampaign, setup a call with me to go over some of my feedback. And ActiveCampaign isn’t a tiny company; they have hundreds of employees and are much larger than Drip. It meant a lot to me that Jason would just jump on the phone with a random customer to see how they could improve.Meanwhile Drip’s emails aren’t even signed by an actual person. During this whole debacle, I don’t think anyone from Drip actually responded to anyone’s tweets or complaints. A couple days after the initial announcement when things were blowing up on Twitter, they sent this out another email that was basically "sorry, not sorry"Just like their price increase, all of their corporate communication just screams “We don’t care about you. Go away.”So I did.I’m actually really glad that I dropped Drip, after all that. Partly because of how much better ConvertKit and ActiveCampaign are as tools, but mostly because it taught me a lesson about how you need to be careful when you’re a small company about who you integrate with, because while your interests may align now, that could change at any point.But this rant has gone on long enough, so I’ll save that point for a future post.Disclaimer: just in case Drip decides to sue me (which would be so on-brand for them at this point), ALL the descriptions of Drip’s functionality, failings, and communications is to the best of my recollection and should not be taken as a literal word-for-word account.----Happy to answer any questions about my experience with Drip, ConvertKit, or ActiveCampaign. Would also love to hear anyone else's experiences with any of those (or others you'd recommend in the space of email-based marketing automation).Original post: https://ryanwaggoner.com/drip-pricing-review/

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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haeroniel-doliet · 7 years ago

Text

thoughts on ice skating

supposed to be under read more, sorry if mobile is weird!

i mean ive missed multiple weeks and alll in all the society/ practice is quite weird like the beginners teacher dude keeps rambling off about like olympics skating or how higher levels have this and this move and look ive taught that advanced kid over there and heres how they do that technique rather than concretely helping us develop those basic skills that were apparently flawed at. like how do i do that correction youre just showing me bc clearly im about to fall over bc idk how to do it. and i tried being all professional and interested and make the most of it for myself, but cant help the frustration when it goes out of the easy shit into the stupid spins because apparently i just cant do it. be it my skates are too thin or too sharp blades or my ankle is not strong enough or enough support thats why its going bad? idk even but i cant spin. cant do it. idk i kinda know multiple things that are fucking up and its frustrating and annoying and its just not gonna work yknow i can kinda turn 180. no i cant do the multiple spin spin spin that seems so easy. is it my skates or is it my inadequacy? im not getting new skates tho, im only here because i have my own skates a while back, im clearly so shit that im not even gonna be a milkly good figure skater im not gonna get in on that. i might as well do fuckin ballet rather than this. im actually looking into that kinda now id love to try.

ice skating is dumb in the way that ive done it since im a child but never as a hobby, like ive done it with most the time my own owned skates since like 3-4 yrs old like young. but school only ever teaches forwards and basic backwards (apparently its cheating backwards) and basic stop and turns and idk things you learn somewhat naturally and my coolest tricks always been sausages (or bubbles as they call them here) and those are apparently baby level beginner stuff and im just :| yeah i can do those tho. and now ic an do them backwards which is kinda cool, and im more confident one foor skating/gliding. but like never as a hobby so i guess none of that matters, i did try to do intermediate and could keep up to an extent but i guess my basics are so shoddy i wasnt doing well enough for my own standards, and even now looking over tho the teacher is better and more encouraging, everyone seems to be doing crazy tricks and jumps and spins and one leg up fancy shit and im just... ya. guess i cant be over there. cant do it. lemme just stand with mr blabber mouth. it is frustrating bc yeah maybe i wanna be that intermediate level, maybe i wanna go skate with my family/old friends and show off bc look i can do like 3 4 cool things im almost a real skater. but fuck i guess my skates are limiting me and i should try use the rental skates? that are dull af but have better support? idk, ive got blisters from them the last i used them and i dont particularly wanna use shitty skates. but i dunno even what to do, i dont particularly wanna drop on some fancy skates just to find smths wrong again and im shit and cant do it. maybe id suddenly improve and feel a lot better about myself and take it as a proper hobby but realistically nah. im actually kinda frustrated i dont even know if i wanna continue. yes i have a friend that goes, yes i have skates and you only get better by spending time on ice and id like to be better bc only recently ive realised how shit i am, (trust me its confidence boosting to have skated with bambis on ice who are afraid of moving at all and then i can at least go kinda fast if i want) but i cant even turn properly, cant stop properly neither. its just ugh, i dont think im getting as much out of it as i should be, i dont know if its the teachers fault, my skates fault, or my own personality/inability.

no im not doing the dumb kinda competition theyre organising in a few weeks. the criteria for intermediate (that i havent participated in enough anyway recently) is fuckin hops and drags (my skates do not drag! to sharp? idk) and spins and fancy shit i havent even ever tried to. yeah sure i could for the fucks of it do the beginners bc its uh, bubbles forward and backwards that i can do, and i can kind of do the chassee thing kind of. but i cant do a god damn spin for the life of me apparently so i might as well save my 5 pound and ‘pride’. ugh. besides the fun part was that he was talking abt the higher levels leg up glide thing, and had us do it against the wall bc ‘afraid well just face plant’ and i guess i can bring my leg up decently high when supported by the wall which is fun, and otherwise im not the worst of the 5 beginners that showed up. but yeah im just frustrated with it over all. dunno how long the clubs even gonna continue for, theres only one friend there that i would continue for which isnt great considering means i dont consider the others easy to make friends with or ones i could be fond of enough to over look the struggle of the hobby.

i think my plan was to call my dad not only to ask if they had a preference for when my friend would fly down to visit so she could buy her tickets, but i guess also i was going to say about the skate apparently being too soft and too thin/too sharp and express this frustration that i still cant do shit, that maybe even using unsharpened (and uncomfortable) rental skates could be better for skating and just wonder what im even doing abt this all. clearly not competing but idk even if we could just come to observe/skate for fun during the competition etc or if i should just skip to catch up/pack and clean idk. also im kinda annoyed at myself otherwise bc i just tuesday saw with J and shes off for a few weeks and i made such a good verbal plan saying id do an email and a summary im weeeeeks behind on on tuesday evening and prep for class today (didnt prep but it went okay anyway) and today i would have gone to class and to skating with a healthy meal (check check check) and come home to sign up and send the other email thats been bugging me, and then do my report due midnight i havent even started on. said id work after midnight if it was taking so long so id have it done..... i had a nap instead. not even a god damn shower i was planning to have tuesday and now its 3 am on thursday. ayy. sure i could skip classes tomorrow to shower and clean my room and maybe complete a task before i drag myself to an archery arrow lesson and badminton after (no thatll be fun, but ill be back rly late) but ive skipped so many classes and i wana see and be with my friends i might as well go, and if i get abandoned work on work somewhere in between classes and maybe actually get something done? gasp. shock. and still get home and do smth like clean and do dishes to be productive while anticipating fun thing, do it and come home and actually sleep bc im fuckin that over eh. but fuck. its not just that i have 1 overdue summary from two weeks ago, i have another summary due thursday night. maybe, in between classes i could do both, miraculous i guess yes but would be cool. do two summaries, send off both and an apology email for the other, take the spare chance to book myself another experiment if theyre still running and if not send an apology email bc i missed one in class one and ask what now. and then maybe even since the calendar is out get my 3 planned viewings booked so that i can see them b4 going back home and dont get fucked. maybe even add the corrections i got yesterday to my other report. wow wouldnt that be great. i could do them now but i should get to sleep right now heres hoping ill remember the corrections then. and then id need to look at the video for the assignment that was due yesterday and bring up the files and find the debrief and begin filling it in and maybe email researcher if i need to, and do the easy part. so that maybe logical me in a clean room will fill in the ethics part between classes on friday or after class or gasp on saturday bc im not going to st andrews after all... its a lot.. i hate that two days are wasted already. ugh. uGH. well get by. lets just try stay positive, now im going to sleep and wake up to go to my 11 class prepared to do some easy work between classes. yes yes. its probably weird that who ever has read this far has read all this shit and maybe i should just keep my shit personal and not post on my main blog bc surprisingly its open to anyone who just slightly would wanna see it,and though you likely dont know me in person its a bit weird huh idk. maybe this is here so my cousin can read it if she happens to , maybe its so that you can read it and be like ya i do that and i think like that too pretty cool im not alone, maybe its for me to read back and not have to be exposed to my worst ugly vents on my plain vent blog and can remain positive thomaybe not. its under read more anyway. lets try bury it guys.

#and other things #really dont need to read this #though im aware and sorry i guess read more doesnt work on mobile and you might just read this in curiosity and i dont necessarily want #these are just my own thoughts and theyre here to clarify my head. ok

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