#it was SUCH a good source for that project

[gimme-hiragi]

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: college setting, fem-bodied reader, mentions of a toxic ex, stalking, reader is Matsumoto’s stepsister, shorter reader, clothing described, first meetings, cunnilingus, reader is in a vulnerable place okay, we aren’t judging, dirty talk, reader’s pussy described as “pretty”, “sweet”, “chubby”, Hiragi’s POV

Note: this will either be a fun standalone or part of a bigger project. It depends on the flow as I keep writing more. For now, I hope you enjoy this intro~

Is this Hiragi? I’m Yodai’s sister. He said I could call you if I need help on campus.

Hiragi reads the text message a couple times, wondering if this is an introduction or a cry for help, but before he can ask, three dots show up beneath the first message.

I think my ex is stalking me.

Well, that answers that. Straight and to the point.

Getting up from his seat, Hiragi grunts to his curious friends, “somethin’ came up,” then strides out of the café and to his bike.

Yeah it’s me. Library right?

He doesn’t wait for a reply, just shoves his helmet over his head before pulling out of his parking space. The university campus is only a few minutes away, but that’s more than enough time for some creep to climb the steps and corner someone in a dark alcove—specifically his good friend’s sister.

There are only a few cars in the lot, late night studiers or maybe profs trying to get shit ready for tomorrow. It’s a little past nine, and most of the lights of the main building are turned off.

Yeah, how’d you know?

Your bro told me you work there. Omw up now.

He takes the concrete stairs two at a time, easy considering how long his legs are, all the while scanning his surroundings. There isn’t anyone lurking in the shadows that he can see, but who knows who might be sitting in one of the cars outside?

The glass doors aren’t locked even though they probably should be, so Hiragi is able to walk right in, scanning each sign—lab, tutoring—until he reads ‘Library’ and follows the arrow pointing down the corridor.

It’s dim inside, the only light source coming from the lamps that hang over the checkout counter, and underneath, bathed in their soft glow, is a single figure.

Hiragi clears his throat, and you nearly fall out of your chair, “Jesus—” eyes wide with panic when you spot him.

“Just me,” he assures. Like that’ll do anything. It’s not as if the two of you have ever met before. You only know of each other because of Matsumoto.

Your voice is a little shaky as you take in a few deep breaths and question, “Hiragi?”

He nods, moving slowly toward the counter so that he doesn’t scare you even more, knows he doesn’t exactly look welcoming in his leather jacket and ripped pants, not to mention the fading bruise on his cheekbone.

He’s surprised at the fact that you don’t look any more inviting than he does. From what Hiragi can see, you’re dressed in a dark t-shirt partially covered by a rolled up flannel, and your hair is tied into two messy buns. Your lips look bright but raw, like you’ve been chewing on them, and there’s smudged makeup around your puffy eyes.

Stop staring.

You don’t look like you should be working in the college library; you look like you should be making drinks in a dive bar or at some no-name punk show. You look like the type of girl Hiragi might try to impress.

Not that it matters. He’s here for one thing: keep you safe as a favor to your brother.

“Thanks for coming,” you finally sigh, sliding out of your chair and bending down to grab your bag from under the counter. “I know this must seem so lame, but I swear I’ve seen Yuki’s car pass by, like, six times.”

“Not lame,” Hiragi tries. “Dude sounds like a creep from what Matsumoto’s told me.”

“Creep doesn’t even do it justice,” you mumble, slinging the old backpack over your shoulder then reaching to turn off the row of hanging lights. “Fucking psycho is more accurate.”

Yukinari Arima—Hiragi was already a little familiar with the guy just because of previous scuffles. When he heard his friend’s sister was dating him, he was a little caught off guard. Matsumoto has been the fun-loving type for as long as Hiragi’s known him, but letting his sister hook up with someone like Arima? Definitely not in his character.

“I’ve tried to get her to break up with him, but all she does is call me a hypocrite and shut me out.”

“She came home cryin’ again today. Wonder what that fuck-ass did this time.”

“If he ever lays a hand on her, I swear to God I’ll kill him.”

Hiragi gets it. He understands being protective over the people he cares most about.

And when you round the corner in your scuffed up Converse, tighter-than-hell leggings, and smile up at him— “seriously, I really appreciate this, Hiragi,” —he can easily see how you bring out that big brother instinct in his friend.

“Not a problem,” Hiragi shrugs. You lock the doors from the inside with an Allen wrench, and he tries not to not to admire the shape of your ass as you walk around. He usually doesn’t notice things like that when first meeting a girl, but the subtle sound of your leggings swishing with every step draws his attention without his permission.

Fuck’s sake, dude. She’s Matsumoto’s sister. Don’t be an idiot.

“I owed him a favor anyway,” Hiragi adds. You peer at him suspiciously while you both make your way out of the building.

“And, I’m that favor?”

Your eyes are still a little red from what must have been your crying earlier, but they still twinkle with something a little playful.

Trouble.

“Guess you could say that.”

You laugh quietly, but it dies when you reach the parking lot and your focus shifts to your surroundings. There’s nothing but a few parked cars, Hiragi’s bike, and some litter that the wind catches and pushes along the ground.

A dog barks in the distance, startling you, and you actually squeak when Hiragi puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Easy. M’not gonna let anything jump at you.”

A shaky breath leaves your chest and you steel yourself, apparently believing him, and walk the rest of the way to your car with a little more confidence. It’s a little hatchback, nothing modded except for the speaker system that starts blasting as soon as you turn your keys in the ignition.

“Not in that headspace anymore,” you mutter, the familiar rock song fading when you quickly twist the knob.

“I’ll follow behind to make sure he isn’t tailin’ ya,” Hiragi says.

A laugh gets caught in your throat, and he matches your expression—curious, eyebrows raised— “you, a scary guy, are gonna follow me home… to make sure another scary guy… isn’t following me home?”

“I—” Hiragi pauses. Doesn’t make much sense when you put it like that, but still. “Gotta pick your poison, I guess.”

You nibble on your lip again, now sitting in your driver’s seat while looking up at Hiragi from below. The thoughts that churn in his head are… weird. Not like him.

Matsumoto really should have warned him about how damn pretty you are.

“Fine. But only ‘cause I’ll need you to know where I live if he ever shows up there.”

“You don’t have to justify it to me,” Hiragi chuckles.

Your expression turns serious again, voice a little sad when you tell him, “you wouldn’t believe the things I’ve had to justify these last couple years.”

Fair. You probably haven’t had a guy, aside from Arima or your brother, anywhere near your home in a while, and your ex doesn’t seem the type to appreciate other men spending time with you.

Hiragi doesn’t know what to say to that. The only response he can come up with is an honest, “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

He watches in absolute horror as tears well up in your eyes, but you turn toward the windshield and away from him before things can get too awkward.

Jesus, when’s the last time a dude was nice to you?

“It’s not far from here,” you state. “I’ll drive slow.”

Hiragi will be able to keep up no matter how you drive, but he doesn’t bother saying so. He’ll just follow your lead.

Student housing is not what Hiragi expected you to be living in. Small, modest, cheap. At least it’s not shady, though, many of the unit lights still on inside.

“I tried to tell my stepdad that dorms were fine. Not like I need a lot of room, but he said I deserved privacy,” you say as you walk with Hiragi to your front door. “It was probably a blessing. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle all the eighteen-year-olds.”

He’s not planning on going inside, just wants to make sure you get in safely, but you pause after unlocking your door and ask, “do you mind sitting with me for a sec? I’m just… I don’t know. Nevermind.”

“I can stay,” Hiragi answers. “It’s okay to be kinda shaken up. Break up wasn’t long ago, was it?”

He follows behind you, crosses the threshold, no idea what he’s getting himself into.

“We did the on again off again shit for a while. The final split was a couple months ago, but it wasn’t until he found out I was moving that he started getting…”

“Scary?” he offers.

You nod. “Texts and calls from burner phones. His friends conveniently popping up around town. And I swear I keep seeing his stupid car everywhere. Maybe I’m just being paranoid.”

“What kinda car does he drive?”

Rolling your eyes you describe his Nissan as ‘obnoxiously loud’ and ‘modded to hell and back’. “It’s hard to miss.”

Hiragi stays in his place against the door, not wanting to impose. He glances around at the parts of your apartment that he can actually see—beige walls, wood flooring, small couch that doesn’t look broken in yet. The tiniest kitchen he’s ever seen is tucked into a corner, a ladder off to the side that leads up to what’s probably your sleeping space.

It feels cramped to be honest. Decent for a single college girl who spends more time on campus, but Hiragi feels more and more claustrophobic the longer he stands here. Then again, the tightness in his chest might have nothing to do with the apartment and everything to do with the way you’re staring at him.

He can’t read your expression entirely. There’s curiosity there, and… appreciation, he thinks. Admiration?

Attraction. That’s it.

You’re attracted to him.

Which really does not bode well considering Hiragi has been struggling to keep his eyes to himself.

“I have a weird question,” you state, and he swears his heart drops into his already upset stomach. “It’s embarrassing and cringey, but I figure I’ve already made myself look like some stupid girl who can’t defend herself and—” You ramble, and he lets you, watching you get flustered all by yourself before you finally blurt, “do you think I’m pretty?”

Hiragi blinks.

“Sorry. It’s just been a long time since anyone—and you’re a guy, so I feel like you can make that judgment ‘cause I don’t know, I just don’t feel like—”

“Definitely.”

You stop mid-sentence (was that even a sentence?) and get all doe-eyed again.

“Yeah?”

Damn, Arima really did a number on you.

“Yeah. I shouldn’t really say anything since your brother would kick my ass—or he’d try to—but,” he stalls, distracted by the vulnerability that’s been etched into you. “You keep lookin’ at me like that and I might have to show ya how pretty I think you are.”

He’s not sure where that last part came from. Absolutely did not mean to say it out loud, but now it’s there, and he can’t take it back, and this is not how Hiragi expected this night to go.

You’re slow to smile, like you’re still a little in shock, but when your lips start curling they don’t stop until you’re grinning sideways at him.

“Better be careful saying things like that to a girl like me.”

Hiragi pushes off the door, takes one long step to stand directly in front of you. You’re a good bit shorter than him, enough that he has to tilt his head downward to keep eye contact, but it’s cute the way you have to crane your neck to look at him.

“Yeah? What kinda girl is that?”

Fuck. Fuck. He isn’t supposed to want you. He told Matsumoto he would keep you safe from the pervy assholes around here, and now he’s acting like one of them.

“The kind who’s had to fake all her orgasms for the past three years.”

His dick twitches at the idea of you cumming at all, and Hiragi reaches up, hooking a finger under your chin to bring your face even closer to his. He doesn’t lack confidence by any means, but it’s rare that he’s this bold.

Something about you, though… the nervous babbling or your ass in those leggings or the way the word ‘orgasm’ flowed off your tongue so casually…

“Poor thing,” he murmurs in a low voice that makes you shiver for him.

Your gaze flits to his mouth for a moment, meets his again, and then you whisper, “show me how pretty you think I am.”

Your cheeks are hot under Hiragi’s palms when he grabs your face, crushing his lips against yours in a fevered kiss he could never have predicted.

You whimper immediately, clutching the collar of his shirt before frantically shoving at his jacket.

Oh, you need this, don’t you? You need someone to scratch that itch your ex never could.

Hiragi shrugs out of the leather then walks you backward toward your couch, his tongue sliding against yours as he maneuvers you to sit on the armrest. You tear your own jacket off, arms flying up when Hiragi starts pulling your shirt off. The bra you have underneath is made of soft material and does nothing to hide your hard nipples. He unclasps it with one hand, feels you smile into the kiss.

“Had some practice, have you?”

He smirks, “a bit.”

You yelp when he shoves you, sending you falling back onto the cushions so that he can get to the waistband of your bottoms and pull. You shimmy to help him, and once they’re off Hiragi is ready to spread your legs and feast on what’s between them only to find your knees locked together.

“What? Gettin’ all shy on me now?”

He’s not gonna force you to keep going if you don’t want to, but fuck, his cock is already painfully hard.

“No, I just… it’s been a second. I’m not fully, um, scaped.”

Hiragi snorts. “I’m not some frat boy bitch. A little hair ain’t gonna bother me.”

You nibble on your lip but eventually start to relax. Hiragi speeds up the process, looming over you while pressing your knees apart, and when his eyes land on what you were so worried about, his mouth starts to water.

The cutest, chubby pussy he’s ever seen, already wet for him. You’ve obviously ‘scaped’ recently, hair past stubble but nowhere near the point of curling—not that he’s ever minded that—but your insecurities are stupid.

He tugs you toward him so that your hips are lifted against the armrest, exposing more of you to him. Hiragi spreads your folds with his thumbs and licks his lips.

“Look at this sweet pussy,” he groans, pressing the tip of a finger into your drippy little hole. “All this for me?”

You let out something between a moan and a cry, nodding awkwardly, and your voice breaks when Hiragi leans over you to look at your face, sliding a long finger all the way inside of you without warning. You can take it, he knows, already soft and slick so there’s no resistance.

“You don’t even know me,” Hiragi states, hushed and a little condescending. He doesn’t know you either, but he sure is ready to stick his dick in you.

Your eyes roll, back arching, and you clench around his finger. When he curls it the way he’s done many times before, stroking against your swollen g-spot, your jaw goes slack.

Arima really couldn't do this for you? What a fucking moron.

Hiragi knows you’re gonna cum for him. He’s gonna make you. And fast. He just keeps stroking over that doughy bundle, rubbing circles over your twitching clit, and sure enough, within a matter of minutes your thighs are tensing and you’re squirting all over his shirt.

He shoves his face against your pussy, nosing between your folds as he laps up the cum still leaking out of you, forcing more and more out with each thrust of his finger.

“Oh fuck, fuck—I…”

Sucking your clit into his mouth, he keeps fucking into you, adding another finger and abusing your g-spot. You wanted an orgasm, and you’re gonna get one. Squirting is fun and messy, but he wants to get you to climax—one of those full-body, toe curling, tunnel vision kind of orgasms.

When your fingers curl in his short hair, holding him in place, Hiragi makes sure to keep up his current pattern, sucks with the same pressure, flicks his tongue in tandem with the movement of his fingers, never changing his pace as he pushes you further and further to the edge.

You begin to undulate beneath him, and even though he was about to use his free hand to palm his aching cock, he uses it to hold you in place, humming when your legs tremble over his shoulders.

“I’m—I’m, ohh~”

Your breath catches as your whole body opens up for Hiragi, pussy pulsing, blooming like a god damn flower as you cum hard, pushing out cream and another stream of squirt while your hips move against his hand uncontrollably.

“There we go,” Hiragi praises, “fuck, poor baby just needed to cum, yeah?”

“God, yesss,” your voice is thick and shaky, and you shiver almost violently as Hiragi fingerfucks you through your orgasm.

When the last few waves wash over you, and you’re only jerking from aftershocks, Hiragi removes his fingers only to replace them with his tongue. He licks inside your creamy cunt, cleaning you like the fucking gentleman he is, leaking precum into his jeans as he tastes every part of your hole he can reach.

You moan so pitifully for him, breathless and cute, and when Hiragi finishes, he kisses your clit like he’s married to it, sweet and chaste.

Wiping part of his face on his shoulder, Hiragi leans over you again, smirking at your fucked-out expression. Your eyes are glassy, smile dazed and goofy.

“Feelin’ a little more relaxed?”

You giggle drunkenly. “Mmmuch more, thank you.”

“Any time,” he responds honestly because truly, he could eat that pussy all day every day.

Am I pretty? What a dumb question. You’re a fucking masterpiece.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta get home and jack off ‘til my dick bleeds.”

Your snort is undignified and adorable. “You could always just fuck me.”

Tempting, but, “babydoll, if I fuck you in the state I’m in right now,” —he gestures to his confined, throbbing cock, “—I will hurt you.”

You groan like you want it, but Hiragi can’t. He would destroy you with how pent up he is now, would bruise every part of you and wouldn’t be able to stop. He probably wouldn’t even be able to pull out. Christ, to cum in that pussy…

“Call me if you need anything,” he tells you, helping you sit up again, eyes wandering to your bouncing tits. He wants to bite them, mark them up with his teeth and tongue.

Another time, maybe. Hopefully.

“Anything?” you play, displaying yourself while you stretch what are sure to be sore muscles.

Hiragi chuckles, “anything.” He pulls you into a long kiss, the kind that leaves him a little dizzy, and adds a mumbled, “just don’t tell your brother.”

He leaves after gathering your clothes for you, drives back to his own apartment at break-neck speed, jacks off so many times that his cock is raw by the time he’s finally satisfied.

Matsumoto is gonna be so pissed if he ever finds out, but it was kind of irresponsible of him to put Hiragi in this situation. You should come with a damn warning—caution tape tied around your neck in a little bow.

How is he supposed to focus on keeping you safe around town when all he can think about is tasting you again?

Of course, there’s always the chance that this was a one-time thing. You’ll wake up in the morning, feel better now that you’ve gotten what you wanted, tell Hiragi ‘thanks, but that was a mistake’, and he’ll have to agree with you because it was.

Fucked up as it is, he hopes you’ll make a few more mistakes with him.

[nattikay]

wooooo they have proper refsheets

massive lore dump under the cut

Might as well start with Neynari. Probably the most striking thing about her visually is that she has a condition called leucism, which causes an underproduction of pigment. In Neynari's case, her leucism is a random mutation that resulted in the malfunction of her pigment-producing cells, rather than a genetic trait inherited from her family. Needless to say the clan was quite surprised when she was born hrh

Speaking of which, Neynari was born in the Aranahe clan to a couple by the names of Seylana and Vontxu. She was an only child and has an especially close relationship with her mother. Her father, Vontxu, was very quiet and reserved; he rarely spoke and was difficult to get to know. Seylana found his soft demeanor charming, but while Neynari loves her father and knows he loves her too, his personality made it harder for her to bond with him, so she was never quite as close to him as she was to her mother.

Her pale skin makes her a poor hunter--prey can see her coming from a mile away--but she more than makes up for her lack of hunting ability with excellent craftsmanship. Growing up in the Aranahe clan she is of course well versed in weaving and dyeing, but her true passion is beading. She absolutely loves making beads of all varieties and incorporating them into her weaving projects. Vontxu is actually the one who first taught her how to make them, and it was one of the few activities she felt she and her father could bond over. She used to sit for hours in the weaver's den with him, not speaking, just carving beads to their hearts' content.

One day a group of Aranahe artisans, Neynari among them, set off on a trading route to visit the Anurai clan. Neynari knew the Anurai clan also had a reputation as skilled artisans and was keen to compare their crafts. It was on this trip that she met Se'txelu...

(rewinds tape recorder) alright let's talk about Se'txelu now hrh. I mentioned how Neynari has a condition called leucism. Well, Se'txelu has the opposite: melanism (or I guess for a Na'vi it would be called cyanism). So while Neynari's body underproduces pigment, Se'txelu's overproduces it. Unlike Neynari whose condition was a random mutation, Se'txelu's is one that I headcanon as a rare but established recessive trait among his clan, the Anurai (actually google tells me that irl melanism is dominant but shhhhhh this is imaginary alien version I can do what I want with it lol). This Pandoran version of the condition, in my headcanon, requires just the right combo of genes to show up in the phenotype, so while several of the Anurai are carriers of the gene(s), it's very rare to have more than two or three indivduals who actually display it living in the clan at the same time, and sometimes there are none at all. At the time of this "story" there are only two: Se'txelu himself, and the current tsahìk, Awlun (who happens to be his great-aunt.) Before them, the most recent person to have it was Se'txelu's great-grandfather. 

The Anurai don't use human terms like melanism or cyanism of course; they refer to this condition as txonleng (shortened from txonä ta'leng, meaning "skin of night"), and because the dark color resembles the hide of the mighty palulukan which the Anurai canonically revere, it is generally believed that individuals born with txonleng are blessed by Eywa and destined to be legendary hunters, especially nocturnal hunters...which there may be a sliver of truth to, since they are naturally better at blending into the shadows.

In Se'txelu's case, though....well, he is good at camouflage, but alas, he's also kinda clumsy, which kinda cancels out any stealth bonus granted by his condition 😅 Despite his clumsiness, he is still a decent hunter at least, albeit a long ways off from "legendary" status (uh oh, potential source of angst for this usually happy-go-lucky dork).

When the Aranahe artisans visited his clan to trade, Neynari immediately caught Se'txelu's attention. He'd never seen anyone who looked like her before, and on top of that, she was quite beautiful. He was infatuated immediately. Lucky for him, she took notice of him too (they both kinda stand out in a crowd lol). Now, while Se'txelu had never seen anyone with leucism like Neynari, he had met two other people with his own condition, txonleng—his great-grandfather (although his memories of him are hazy since he was quite young when he died (of old age)), and Awlun (who of course is still alive and kicking)—so though his condition was rare he had never really felt alone because of it. Neynari, on the other hand, had never seen another Na'vi who wasn't standard blue, so meeting someone else who stood out like that was shocking and intriguing. 

The Aranahe trading party stayed with the Anurai for about a week. Se'txelu tried to work up the nerve to actually talk to Neynari. One day, she noticed him up in a tree and waved at him. Remember when I said Se'txelu was clumsy? Well, he tried to wave back...but in doing so let go of the branch he was gripping and fell out of the tree. Onto his face. And lost a tooth in the process. 

Neynari felt awful because she felt like the accident was her fault, and she came to check on Se'txelu once his bloody mouth had been cleaned up. But despite the initial awkward guilt, with that incident the ice, much like Se'txelu's face, was broken lol. They ended up talking for a long time after that, and clicked pretty hard. Neynari even gave him the joking nickname Sre'tìkelu ("tooth-lack") in reference to the now permanent gap in his smile. They continued to bond over the next few days, and when it came time for the Aranahe party to return home, Neynari found herself not wanting to join them...

Neynari's closest friend back home had always been her mother, Seylana. But tragically, Seylana had passed away of sickness about two years prior to Neynari's trip to the Anurai. With the loss of her mother back home, but the promise of a potential future with Se'txelu here, Neynari was wondering if she should stay and ask to join the Anurai clan...but would that be fair to her ancestors, and to the clan who had raised and loved her?

The night before the Aranahe were meant to leave, Neynari asked Se'txelu to take her to the nearest spirit tree. She connected to Eywa and spoke with Seylana's spirit, pouring her heart out to the memory of her mother and explaining her dilemma. Seylana comforted her daughter and encouraged her to stay with the Anurai. She wanted her daughter to have a bright and happy future and if she found that in another clan, so be it. 

Now with her mother's blessing, Neynari spoke with Awlun, the Anurai tsahìk, as well as with the leader of the Aranahe trading party, and explained the whole situation. She was allowed to join the Anurai, and she and Se'txelu began courting officially, and became mates not long after.

But wait! All these words and we haven't even mentioned Rolukx yet! Rolukx is Se'txelu's older brother, by roughly five or six years. When the boys were young, their father, Tanu, was involved in a hunting accident and almost died. He survived and is fine now, save a few scars, but there was a period of time where his condition was critical and his survival unclear. Se'txelu doesn't really remember this incident because he was too young, but Rolukx does, and it really affected him. Up until that point, he, like many young children, thought of his dad as invincible...this brush with death shattered that innocent belief for poor Rolukx; he became a lot more nervous and paranoid about safety and, well, mortality. One way he dealt with this trauma was becoming very protective of his little brother, even after they became adults (and to be fair, his worries over Se'txelu's safety aren't entirely unfounded because, again, clumsy dork lol). 

Though he spends a lot of his time keeping an eye on his brother, Rolukx is actually a musician and instrument maker by trade, and he's very good at it. The knife he carries is not (usually) used for hunting or cooking, but rather for whittling bone (and other materials, but Anurai clan so mostly bone lol) into intricate flutes and whistles. He plays them beautifully as well, but unfortunately suffers from stage fright and dislikes playing in front of others. The only person he'll consistently play for is his mother Lunaya, who was always very encouraging of his talents (he's a bit of a mama's boy).

Rolukx was a little wary of Neynari at first, as he felt like Se'txelu was rushing into this relationship with some random girl from another clan way too fast. But Se'txelu seemed happy, and when Neynari showed genuine interest in Rolukx's whittling skills, offering to teach him some Aranahe beading and weaving tips in exchange for some whittling and music ones, he warmed up to her and they wound up being pretty good friends, so Rolukx approves of his brother's relationship. 

Lunaya, the boys' mother, happens to also love beaded accessories and hit it off with Neynari right away. Neynari appreciates having her around because she reminds her of her own mother, even if Lunaya is much more extroverted and eccentric than Seylana was. 

(deep breath) sooooooooooo.....I think that covers most of it. those are my dumb dumbs, enjoy

[sysmedsaresexist]

im a system trying to learn more about endos.

so far in syscourse ive only seen proof of cdds being traumagenic but they dont disprove non-cdd plurality, so what sources are there that have evidence of endogenic systems, if you have any?

Right now? There isn't any hard evidence that would satisfy anti endos. There's TONS of papers and articles talking about the recent emergence of endogenic systems, but they're mostly interview based. I debunked a lot of them when I was still anti. Small sample sizes, personal bias about dysfunction levels, all interviews. Those won't stand for those who are skeptical.

Now that I've calmed my gender neutral tits, though, I can look at where all this research is heading, and I can look back and find all the different terms that have been used to describe this same phenomenon. Those terms don't fall under psychology, they appear in journals about consciousness and self and philosophy, and they go all the way back to the 1800s, developing right alongside theories on hysteria and split personality, and the TOSD.

I don't need to do the work for you (/nm), just Google multiple self theory and fall down the rabbit hole. Trust me. One Google search, move at your own pace. It'll mean more when you find all this yourself and make the journey on your own. It was way more effective when I went alone.

That said, I'm not heartless.

The most promising research coming out is the tulpa studies.

Tanya Luhrmann and Michael Lifshitz are incredible, but it's Luhrmann who really stole my heart. She has a long list of work on religious communication with God and "others", and was a huge part of putting tulpas, and several other different voice hearing, religious communities into the fmri scanners to see what's going on. The reddit AMA is being passed around now, and it's largely being ignored by antis, without understanding what it was.

The tulpa studies began... shit, 5 years ago? Covid put a hold on the project, but it's back up and running and they're working on the final paper. The AMA was a chance for people to ask questions to the lead researchers about the project, including whether they found anything.

And they did.

The brains of tulpamancers and other practitioners lit up in unexpected areas and outside of conscious control (very basic overview).

Luhrmann also wrote about how this kind of research can help other voice hearers, and could potentially point to some new therapy opportunities for those struggling.

No, Luhrmann and Lifshitz are not dissociative specialists. Endogenic systems have screamed for decades about how they don't have CDDs and we just refuse to listen. This research is occurring in other areas and specialities. They don't need to be dissociative specialists to work fmri machines and see there's something happening.

My hope is that once the final results are published, we'll see some very quick movements comparing CDDs and endogenic systems. We're not there yet, but I think we'll actually have firm answers within the next couple years.

And after looking into other areas of research, and seeing the potential positives, and that they DID see some unexpected things on the scans...

Not to mention that I've spoken with Colin Ross, THE dissociative expert, who in the 1980s, wrote about "endogenous multiplicity," a subsection of those with MPD that had no trauma history, no dysfunction, no amnesia, etc, and he still stands by that to this very day. I've spoken with several other experts. Go look at Jamie Marich on Twitter and see all her colleagues in the notes.

Anti endo is a dying stance.

Learn nuance while you can (CDDs and endogenic plurality are different, occasionally overlapping), and jump ship before it's too late to take the harm back.

Happy googling and good luck!

[itsabouttimex2]

Hello! Can I order a medium Syntax Yandere Alphabet with a side of small fries and a large Dr. Pepper?

(Order up! Come get y’all’s juice!)

Yandere Alphabet: Syntax

(The Let’s Start Over Mei chatbot is now up! And the link might not be working? I’m trying to figure that out.)

Authority: Do they see themselves as above their obsession?

Yes. Not to the degree that, say… Red Son or the Lady Bone Demon do, but he’s definitely got enough of an ego to at least make the idea of beings “equals” hard to achieve.

He’s not going to “subjugate” or try to “break” you, though- Syntax views you as a lesser person, not a lesser being.

Bread: Can they cook or bake? Is Y/N responsible for their own food?

I can’t really see Syntax as the sort of guy who could cook- and even if he could, I doubt that he would want to. He’s not the sort to dirty his hands directly for even a menial task- I imagine he settles for takeout most of the time- but allows you free rein to the kitchen (if one is available) and all cooking devices therein.

If you’re particularly young, cooking might be a sort of “chore” to “keep your hands busy”. (Really, it’s usually just him sending you out of a room before he one or his fellow spiders does something unsuitable for young eyes.)

Cruentus- How do they respond to Y/N being hurt, both slightly and severely?

Syntax… is not the sort that I imagine is good with blood. He just doesn’t seem the type. He’ll pull up a list of instructions for tending minor wounds- wash with mild soap and lukewarm water, pat the area dry, apply bandages, etc- and that he could manage.

For anything serious, he’s kidnapping a doctor- who will absolutely be getting implanted with spider venom and inducted once he’s done with your treatment.

Disengage- What’s their response to being ignored?

Syntax ignores you right back- and he’s much better at it than you are. He’ll just settle in for a lengthy project and happily work the days away until you crack and come crawling back for his attention.

Enclosure: Where do they keep Y/N?

Under the sewers, locked up nice and tight in a monitored room. It’s surprisingly comfy, all things considered- there’s even a few devices to keep you distracted when Syntax is out.

Facade: Are they good at hiding their true intentions?

There’s a split here- Syntax would be very good at hiding his emotions… if he didn’t like getting under your skin and toying around with your feelings. It’s not unlikely for the man to give himself away through sheer bragging- if you someone manage to miss all the cameras he’s hidden through your house, the man will start operating them to flail around just for the sake of getting your attention.

Garment: Do they take control of Y/N’s clothes?

No, he does not. Syntax might provide some warmer clothing for life in a cavernous, dripping sewer… but doesn’t see the need to outright flip your wardrobe. He does insert a miniature tracker into every last piece of clothing you have, though.

Handicap: How do they handle Y/N being or becoming disabled?

Assuming your disability is physical, Syntax will personally design your aids with his own two hands, and go out of his way to source them. He’ll also install a custom alarm reminding you to take your medicine.

Intertwine: How physical are they? Do they enjoy skinship and touch?

No. Syntax doesn’t care for physical affection of any kind- but might grow tired enough to lean his head on your shoulder here and there.

Jaunt: Are they willing to take Y/N out? Where do they go?

If you’ve been sufficiently “well-behaved”, he might risk a run to the city to scope out potential materials and pieces for his projects… after stealthing an electrified bracelet onto your wrist. You’re probably so grateful for the sun’s warmth and the city’s fresh air that you don’t even think of running, though.

Kindness: What brings out the best in this yandere?

Shared hobbies and interests- if you and Syntax like the same thing, he’ll indulge in with you- not as equals, but as something that’s quite close.

Limitation: What holds them back? Work? Family obligations? Physical weakness?

Honestly? Nothing much. Syntax’s loyalty to his queen is something he easily juggles with the surveillance he performs on you. As long as he doesn’t start to shirk his duties, she’ll allow it.

Once he kidnaps you, she’s quite strict about him performing his previous responsibilities and receiving the same results as before- and again allows Syntax to “keep” you as long as he maintains his usefulness.

Morals: What lines are they not willing to cross?

Physical harm outside of minor electric shocks- he doesn’t see the need to get violent when webbing you up with his mechanical legs is far easier and less needlessly savage. He also won’t do anything that threatens the sanctity of your limbs or fingers- Syntax hardly wants to cripple you.

Nausea: Can they tend to an illness, or would they rely on a doctor?

No joke, I think he might genuinely resort to WebMD- at least before he does anything too drastic, like kidnapping a doctor or taking you to a hospital and holding the nurses hostage.

Obcordate: What reminds them of Y/N?

Arachnoid hatchlings. Syntax sees the little spiders that scuttle the lair, and thinks of you, of how he could easily make you a hybrid like himself. Oh, and pop-up ads of pathetically adorable animals in shelters.

Pacify: How do they comfort Y/N? Do they even bother trying?

He’s… not the greatest, admittedly. Syntax will probably run through the basic checklist of “everything that could be wrong” before moving into attempting comfort. “Have you ingested enough water? Eaten a proper meal? Taken your medication?”

And then after three confirmations from you, he has to muster up the world’s most awkward hug ever because he cares just enough to not want you to cry.

Queue: Do they have something of equal or greater importance to Y/N?

The loyalty inspired by his transformation ensures that the Spider Queen will always be the most important thing to him… but his feelings towards Y/N are more real.

Redemption: Could they grow out of their obsession and make amends with Y/N?

If the spider venom were ever purged from his system and Syntax was restored to his prior form? I imagine he’d be quite remorseful of his previous actions, and wish to make amends.

Sobriquet- What nicknames do for they have for their obsession?

Kilobyte- but a particularly young Y/N might get the moniker of Bit or Nibble.

Troop: How many people do they obsess over? Is that obsession spread equally?

Syntax would only ever have one person that he’d kindap, but maybe a few points of obsession. For all others, he’ll satiate those desires through surveillance alone.

Underdog: Who‘s on the yandere’s side? Would they help out?

Goliath is willing to lend a hand in the initial capture, and the Syntax might convince Huntsman to help retrieve an escaping Y/N… but aside from that, he’s on his own.

Vocalize: How do they justify their actions?

He doesn’t- aside from justifying his spying as “keeping an eye out for potential trouble”. The Spider Queen probably realizes that it’s a load of bull, but doesn’t bother trying to stop him- Syntax is doing his job, so why should she care about what he does with one little mortal?

White Whale: Why do they pursue Y/N, exactly?

I imagine that he admires an obsession for their technological abilities, and starts planting cameras in their house to steal blueprints from them- and then gets attached and starts getting really parasocial, then jumps straight off the deep end.

Xanthous: What do they really want?

Deep, deep inside? Syntax just wants someone to sympathize with. He doesn’t realize it, but he’s putting you through the things he went through- being taken by a spider, forced to lend a hand, then forcibly transmogrified.

He might not ever understand it, but you quell the bitter loneliness inside him.

Youth: How old is Y/N in comparison to them? Younger, same age, or older?

Given he’ll mostly likely pursue some kind of “rival” in tech, you’re probably around the same age, or even a little older. Not that he wouldn’t snatch up a promising young prodigy to forcibly mentor.

Zealous: Do they pursue Y/N doggedly, or are they more laidback and casual with their approach?

Extremely casual- he won’t sweat a few judgmental gazes from his clan or the terror you suffer as you rip down his cameras again and again.

Why bother hurrying you into captivity when all of your responses are so deliciously amusing?

Author’s Choice: Would Syntax modify Y/N with his Queen’s venom?

Yes… with caution. After making a few careful adjustments to one stray arachnoid drone, Syntax will sic the scuttling machine on you. He’s carefully set the process to be much less painful for you than it was for him, but there’s no this won’t end in at least a little screaming.

But when all is said, and all is past? He’s sure that the two of you will be something at least close to family.

[kaycynyrs]

Let's talk about Christopher Diaz in fanfic

I want to preface this by saying I'm pretty new to the fandom. I joined a few months or so before season 7 started dropping. So I'm probably not the best source for information when it comes to the show, but I definitely wanted to throw my hat into the ring. I'm aware that Chris is aging during the course of the show, and that he was much younger when he was first introduced, but it seems to me that a lot of fanfic writers and/or people in this fandom kinda struggle to realistically write and/or portray accurate representation of a preteen/early teenager as Chris is now.

I have absolutely no idea if maybe it's some kinda weird way of seemingly (kinda horribly) trying to portray disability, or maybe people in the 911 fandom just do not spend time around pre-teens, but as someone who does spend a lot of time with a pre-teen (specifically my 12 y/o brother) I definitely figured I could give some insight into this topic.

Now I do want to clarify before I begin, that in no way shape or form am I talking about the disabled portion of Chris' experience. I don't have the knowledge or firsthand experience or anything like that to even begin to try and be a voice on that topic, and if anyone else could give insight into that portion of Chris' experience, I welcome it gladly. Especially because it's an integral part of him and introduces some experiences that other pre-teens won't have to deal with which can change how Chris reacts/deals with situations.

What I can accurately talk about though is the things I've noticed in my brother as he goes through this phase of his life. I can also compare his experiences to what I remember from when I was his age, and I'm noticing he's going through certain things that I went through too. I know everyone is different, but hopefully this insight can help some people begin to understand Chris as he is now.

Now, on top of all the slow but noticeable bodily changes, these little sass masters are emotionally volatile. As in, the littlest things seem to be the end of the world. Especially if he's (my brother) is overtired. He tends to have tunnel vision, and he wants things to go his way. If it doesn't immediately go as planned, he tends to get very very frustrated. When that happens, he tends to blow up then go into his room until he's calmed down. After he's calm, then productive conversation can happen.

Kids Chris' age also tend to enjoy video games (like Roblox, or console games) more than they do coloring or legos or any physical toy. Not saying my brother has stopped playing with them all together, but it's definitely slowed down. If he were to play with legos, it'd more likely be a complicated lego set. Or complicated arts and crafts. His most recent projects being origami swords and origami paper dragons. Like, please don't forget that Chris is a good artist and is capable of drawing accurate human hearts.

I've also noticed that kids will go through a collecting phase. They'll collect anything and everything and it'll be the weirdest shit you could never predict. My brother when he was a bit younger literally stole every single sock in the house for his "sock collection" and stuffed an entire drawer full of them. Now he's moved on to collecting golf balls.

And, whether we like it or not, these kids are on the internet. My brother at least is very very influenced by online trends. Half the things he's interested in he saw on social media first. But that means that these kids have a rich meme culture. They have their own in jokes and concepts, same as we did growing up. And sure, some of the jokes are the same. I mean heck, my brother won't shut up with the "your mom" jokes, but they also have things like skibbidy toilet, chippi chippi choppa choppa, and other memes. (I have a list of current tween memes in my notes, but that can be a separate post if people truly want it)

Like it's such a missed funny opportunity! To have Chris reference current memes or current sayings like "gyot, what the sigma, and womp womp," and just having every single adult within the immediate vicinity be confused as fuck, and of course the kids won't explain, because why would they. It's funny to them that the adults are confused. Which also pairs with the amount of sass contained in their tiny orifices. Their come backs are insane and not to be trifled with. My brother has burned me so many times and so well that for all intents and purposes I should be a pile of ash on floor, honestly and truly.

Now, when it comes to romance, I have no idea when that changes. I think Chris is around 14 in the most recent season? And he's gone through a little heartbreaker phase, but currently, my brother at 12 is absolutely disgusted by romance. I myself am demisexual so I'm not a good reference for that, and can't really comment on when people start feeling attraction for others. But considering it's being portrayed in the show, I think it could be something to lean into as well.

All of this to say, Chris won't be this picture perfect baby all of the time. He'll get angry, frustrated, sad. Give people the silent treatment. He'll be weird and strange and say stupid shit. He'll also probably occasionally get confused over certain sayings he's never heard before. (E.g similes commonly used in writing) He'll try to get out of chores, and homework, and he'll whine and complain. His body is changing, he's probably experiencing growing pains, and he's probably starting to discover more adult things. But he'll also have his moments of insightfulness and humor. He's a little adult! And he should be allowed to be portrayed that way! Let Chris be a multidimensional character! It's what he deserves! And just to make it clear, this goes for every pre-teen on 911. I've just noticed the infantilisation of Chris a lot more than say Denny.

Please let me know your thoughts on this matter! I'd love to hear them! Have a wonderful day!

[pumpkinpot]

BG3 X farmers market booths

farmers market season is upon us and I am an avid faire/con/market goer. I loved the entire side quest in BG3 involving the traveling circus, and it got me thinking.... What kind of booth or show would each of the bg3 companions have?

There is only a few ways I could see the troupe actually agreeing to participate one is they are really low on funds and the other is an investigation. either works for these ideas.

Roland: He mentions that he has a big interest in making magical education more accessible to the masses so I feel that that would be a bit part of his booth. you know those booths at farmers markets that all sell secondhand books on rolling carts? I feel like that's the vibe. He has posters for magical workshops being hosted at Razmith and cozy chairs for people to sit around under and umbrella and read for a while.

Karalach/ Dammon: they decided to put their skills together and forge artisanal cloak pins and other fineries. its really helpful having someone who can heat the metals so quickly so dammon can craft quicker. Its not long that they have to eventually raise their prices because everyone at the faire wants one of their hair pins or spoon rings.

Astarion/ Scratch: He was offered a place in the kissing booth that he immediately turned down. Of course, his alternative idea was a blood drive. cheeky bastard. in the end he settled for animal handler. Believe it or not, once he no longer had to rely on animals as his food source he found he was quite good with them. He got the idea from constantly having to repair scratches ball, so he decided, with some help from Halsin, to make toys that cannot be destroyed no matter how tuff your pet. He also sells bandanas with tracking spells woven into them and treats that let your dog speak for an hour or two. Him and scratch make an adorable team, people commenting consistently on their matching hair and bandanas. He sells the most of anyone at the fair, followed closely by Halsin.

Halsin: Mans forgot that yall are here to make money. He decided make a booth for pollination education. He has a lepidopterarium for people who want to hold butterflies while he tells them the importance of local wildflowers. Everyone that visits the booth gets a seed bomb. when he was told he actually needed to sell something he settled on honey he harvested. He has to ask you what people mean when they say he's of "beekeeping age," and what "forest daddy" means.

Gale: Idk where this came from really, but I feel like he has a candle booth. but enchanted candles. hear me out. "this candle smells like the first warm day of the year, when the sun touches your skin for the first time in months," o, "this candles you can poor on your skin to heal a pulled muscle or burn," or "this candle influences your dreams and takes you where you want to go."

Blurg/Omeluum: Naturally, they have a mushroom booth. But not just mushrooms. Burg took one culinary class and decided he needed to open a food truck, but everything was mushrooms. fried mushroom poppers, mushroom tacos, balsamic mushroom skewers.. Omeluum is just happy to be able to be in public now with its partner.

My Tav (October): The plan to have a spider booth was shot down pretty quickly, so there needed to be a compromise. October decided to have a crochet booth with tons of different projects like blankets, stuffed animals, cowls etc. but they were all made by spiders. Pino was the only one present for the market and a few people wanted to hold her, though most moved along upon hearing the labour practices of Octs products.

Authors Note: I would love to write a second part to this, I just don't have the spoons at this moment. If you have anything else you'd like to see let me know!

Link to Master list (I do not have a gaming masterlist yet. Hopefully more to come!)

[pealeii]

i'm gonna have to be real with you i am so so sorry but i have no idea what your icon / profile picture is, all i know is when i see those orange and yellow squares i'm like ":) it's pealeii"

OMIGOSH THANK YOU FOR ASKING

It’s a model of a giant squid I made for a project.

It was made to scale, so it was about 40 ft. It took a lot of time and paper, so I have some bits of him left (my sister named him Donatello)

Right when I got my tumblr was right when I got my first phone, so I barely had any photos when I picked my pfp. And I love squids so I was like: “him!” And it stuck I guess.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i recently went to the actual WH website, saw the cannon Barnaby after months of tumblr brainwashing *cough cough more realistic barn cough* and was taken aback, like i had to look at him for a few seconds. I choose to blame you and that Weevmo feller' for this

you. you haven't. you haven't looked at the actual website? you haven't looked at The Actual Project? i. im.

respectfully,

What.

[project-sekai-facts]

Jewellery Box of SEKAI gemstone symbolism overview

The Project SEKAI Creators Festival is being held this weekend, which means we got our first look at the Jewellery Box of SEKAI game! The game is available to buy and play at the Creator Festa, meaning pictures of the game and cards have been posted online by event attendees. While I haven't been able to find clean card arts yet, one person photographed the artwork that was on display at the festa and posted it to Twitter. I will be using those images in this post.

These artworks don't have the full card descriptions, but do include the meanings of every gemstone. While it seems that the gemstones were mainly picked based on image color, some of the meanings do tie-in nicely to the characters.

Under the cut due to length

Virtual Singer

Miku - Emerald

Meanings: Happiness, Luck, Love, Hope

May link to the fact that Miku is a very cheerful character who brings hope to people. Interestingly, Hibiscus (one of her birth flowers) also means happiness, love and hope.

Rin and Len - Yellow Diamond

Meanings: Confidence, Divinity, Wealth, Eternal Bond

The last one is especially relevant to the Kagamines, since they are twin vocalists with an close bond across most SEKAI.

Luka - Morganite

Meanings: Affection, Elegance, Purity

Luka is very affectionate across most SEKAI. She's also described as elegant.

MEIKO - Ruby

Meanings: Passion, Courage, Dignity, Pure Love

"Passion" may reference MEIKO's energy and enthusiam that she's depicted with in her base form. Aside from that it mainly references her image color.

KAITO - Sapphire

Meanings: Sincerity, Compassion, Fidelity, Virtue

"Compassion" fits well with his WxS variant, as perhaps the most affectionate KAITO. The meanings fit with some of the other KAITO variants as well.

Leo/need

Ichika - Lapis Lazuli

Meanings: Truth, Nobility, Luck, Health

The last meaning may link to how Ichika was the only member of Leo/need who would visit Saki in hospital. She would often give her flowers, which Saki states are what helped her to recover. It's a bit of a stretch though.

Saki - Bi-color Tourmaline

Meanings: Affection, Innocence, Purity, Confidence

Saki is very affectionate towards loved ones, on top of being rather confident. The bi-color tourmaline specifically was probably picked based on the Tenma siblings’ two-tone hair. Tourmaline is said to be a good healer, which could link to Saki overcoming her illness enough to be discharged from hospital.

Honami - Agate

Meanings: Harmony, Symbiosis, Courage, Health

Courage refers to her character arc of learning to speak up and express her feelings more without worrying about how other people perceive her. Note that "symbiosis" (共生) specifically refers to the ecological definition.

Shiho - Jade

Meanings: Compassion, Longevity, Happiness, Stability

Longevity may refer to Leo/need's first arc, where they decided to stay together and work towards going professional in future. Note that "compassion" (慈悲) specifically connects to Buddhism. The kanji can alternatively mean "sympathy" or "mercy".

MORE MORE JUMP!

Minori - Sunstone

Meanings: Passion, Courage, Victory, Glittering

Minori is incredibly passionate about idols, and has worked for years to become one. Victory likely refers to how she finally became an idol when she met the other members of MORE MORE JUMP!. Sunstone is said to be a stone of leadership and uplifting spirits, fitting for Minori as the center of MMJ!.

Haruka - Aquamarine

Meanings: Happiness, Wealth, Wisdom, Calmness

Calmness refers to the fact that Haruka is generally the most composed member of MMJ. Happiness may refer to her feelings about being an idol and how MMJ was able to bring those feelings back (bit of a stretch since they mainly link this to hope).

Airi - Spinel

Meanings: Positivity, Challenge, Achieving Goals

Perhaps the most in-character so far. Airi had to challenge people's expectations to get where she is now. When she was younger, people didn't think she was fit to be an idol because of how rough around the edges she was, and she had to challenge expectations again when she was older and was constantly pushed towards being a variety TV star instead of an idol. Thanks to MMJ!, she is finally able to achieve her goal of becoming a real idol.

Shizuku - Jade

Meanings: Compassion, Longevity, Happiness, Stability

Shizuku is very compassionate and affectionate, especially towards her sister, with whom she shares a gemstone in this game. She's very caring towards other characters as well. Happiness could be connected to how she feels now that she's a part of MMJ!, as she was no longer enjoying Cheerful*Days when she quit due to how she was treated.

Vivid BAD SQUAD

Kohane - Star Ruby

Meanings: Always the leading role, Passion

Another fitting gemstone. Kohane is incredibly talented and quickly surpassed the other members of Vivid BAD SQUAD to be in the lead in their group in terms of skill. Passion could refer to how she'd always wanted something to put her all into, since she had never been so passionate about anything until she met An.

An - Turquoise

Meanings: Success, Safety, Sociability, Adventure

Sociability is very fitting, since An is one of the most social characters in the game. She was raised in Vivid Street and grew up surrounded by the community.

Akito - Amber

Meanings: Prosperity, Dreams coming true, Embrace, Big Love

The journey Akito has taken to realising his dreams is very important to his character. Akito is determined to surpass RAD WEEKEND and has worked hard to get where he is. He was often told that he would fail and has subsequently had to prove that he will prosper. In addition, Akito is much kinder than he may seem, even once he drops the nice guy persona, and he cares deeply about his friends and his sister. Note that embrace (抱��) in this context specifically refers to hugging and is mainly used in literature.

Toya - Sodalite

Meanings: Protection, Decisiveness, Dreams coming true

Decisiveness could refer to Toya choosing to stick with street music despite what his parents wanted. The symbolism of dreams coming true is shared with Akito, referring to how they share the same dream and Akito was the one who gave him his dream. Sodalite is also said to improve communication; Toya has struggled with expressing and communicating his feelings in the past. Sodalite can notably appear to be multi-color (usually blue and white), which, like the Tenma siblings, references his two-tone hair.

WonderlandsxShowtime

Tsukasa - Bi-color Tourmaline

Meanings: Affection, Innocence, Purity, Confidence

Confidence is especially fitting for Tsukasa given that he is one of the most confident characters in the game. Affection also fits, as he is also one of the kinder characters, especially towards his sister, who he shares this gemstone with. The bi-color tourmaline specifically was probably picked based on the Tenma siblings’ two-tone hair.

Emu - Rose Quartz

Meanings: Affection, Beauty, Kindness

Emu is the most physically affectionate character in the game and is always giving people hugs, especially close friends and family. She's also one of the kindest characters and her main ambition is to make people smile. Rose quartz is known as the stone of universal and unconditional love - self-love, platonic love/friendship and romantic love.

Nene - Hiddenite

Meanings: Healing, Intelligence

Hiddenite is said to help with healing and recovery from past experiences, which refers to Nene regaining her confidence moving on from the incident in her middle school theatre troupe so that she could perform on stage again.

Rui - Amethyst

Meanings: Noble, Sincerity, Peace of Mind, Affection

Again one that was probably picked based on image color more than anything. Sincerity is a bit ironic considering that Rui is notoriously bad at being honest with himself, specifically with regards to his feelings. That said, he can open up if needs be and an important part of his arc is learning that he can be himself around people. Amethyst is a calming stone that is meant to relieve anxiety and bring peace of mind, which could tie in to Rui’s current arc dealing with his feelings and worries about WonderlandsxShowtime’s inevitable disbandment.

25-ji, Nightcord de.

Kanade - Moonstone

Meanings: Health, Luck, Innocence

Health could refer to Kanade's healing personality and drive to save people. Outside of that it seems that this might have been another image color pick. Note that innocence (無垢) can also mean spiritual purity in relation to Buddhism.

Mafuyu - Obsidian

Meanings: Concentration, Power to see the future, Unlocking potential

The power to see the future may refer to the current point in Mafuyu's character arc, where she and N25 are trying to find a better future for her. Unlocking potential could tie into that too. Also notable is that obsidian is believed to be a healing stone and protect from negative influences, which is extremely relevant to Mafuyu's arc.

Ena - Amber

Meanings: Prosperity, Dreams coming true, Embrace, Big Love

Like her brother, Ena realising her dreams is an important part of her character. Ena aspires to be an artist, and she continues to work to prove her worth so that she can achieve her dream. Also like her brother, Ena is a lot nicer than she may seem and cares deeply about her friends and brother.

Mizuki - Pearl

Meanings: Health, Innocence, Chastity, Completion

Okay this one was definitely an image color pick and I can’t find much connection to Mizuki from these. I think it fits reasonably well with their cute image though. Pink pearls, which match their image color, are usually associated with femininity. Note that innocence is the same one used with Kanade.

[fumifooms]

You’re the resident chilchuck expert, so I was wondering about it there’s any canon evidence that he did smoke or drink alcohol when the kids were younger. I always thought it was something he picked up due to the strain of long jobs, when the kids were already older, but you seem to think differently and I was wondering if there was anything in canon that made you think that way!

Now that you mention it I guess it’s true there’s no evidence he did. Smoking we literally only know he does at all because of one post-canon panel where he has a pipe, so no, maybe this stick-looking thing in the panel below too though, I’m not familiar with medieval blunts eh. We’ve only gotten one panel of him and his daughters interacting when he was younger so that’s not too insightful on that end, and every time we see him young and freckled it’s in a job context so again not really where we’d expect him to be drinking. The earliest proof (/heavy implication since we don’t see inside his cup I guess) is 3 years before canon when Laios hired him, where he’s at a bar, classily placed in front of all the bottles ✨

Yes alcohol is almost certainly a way through which he copes especially with stress, so if we go with the theory he started around when work got stressful, well… Chilchuck started working as a dungeon diver ~10 years ago so when he was ~19, making Mei, Fler and Puck ~6 and ~4 respectively, so from that draw the ‘stressful enough to start drinking’ line wherever. We don’t know what he did before that with any certainty, and it could be he did odd jobs, lived off mostly mutual aid and community work, or just focused on only raising the girls. Half-foots tend to be poor and I see a lot of that in Chilchuck specifically so I don’t think he could have afforded to not have some paying work though.

Alright, so then why do I think he did drink when the girls were younger?

I give a more complete rundown of the info we do have on his alcoholism & his family with panels and references + all the speculation I make from it here. But the most targeted and objective answer I can give is:

Of course there’s just very very little we know of Chilchuck’s life with his family, and I think that’s by design too. I think the details being up in the air is to allow more nuance of the topic, like, will trying to reconcile go well, is their relationship salvageable? We don’t know, because we don’t know. So the message of giving hope a chance even if it’s a long shot, that things could truly go either way, is more relevant, impactful and meta in that way. How long was he usually away for work travels into dungeons here and there? How did he act with them? All we can really do is "it’s likely that", it’s a game of which way we think it’s more implied. There’s no right and wrong answer, it’s all Marcille-like larping the events out.

My main reason for thinking he did is that his father died from overdrinking and Chilchuck is very aware of that. He mentions his death casually in the extra about their stance in alcohol and in his Adventurer’s Bible profile, etc. He acts towards the alcohol presumably the same way his father did: with abandon, uncaring for the health effects, probably happily too considering Chil says "dying doing something you love is a good way to go". Very nonchalant. So you see what I’m saying here right, wether he started early or late, his view of alcoholism is very influenced by what he saw of his father growing up, it’s something he’s always been aware of and saw in a mostly positive light, something that was inherited you could say. It’s something that was normalized to him from a young age. Regardless or where it goes from there I do think this part is pretty inarguable. If he views it positively and we know that in the present alcohol is his favorite food that he loveees, why would he have held out on it? Personally that all makes me think he started drinking very young, especially since I don’t think they limited alcohol to age as much as modern standards (and I mean, teen drinking is obviously still a thing). And here you could argue, maybe his father only started being more alcoholic later when Chilchuck moved out, or something! And to that there’s nothing I can say except I think that’s a strained theory, and that Chil might even have largely cut contact with his family after moving out (since he and siblings are listed as almost strangers and he doesn’t seem to have much emotional attachment to his parents, but also we know he rents out his place to "a relative"), but it’s true we have no evidence. "I’ve picked up the same unhealthy substance abuse as my father haha! No big deal right haha" repeated several times to me just reeks of intergenerational trauma, & the alcoholism gene as they call it. Like effortless sliding into drinking as if it’s second nature, it’s natural after all, it’s normal after all, it just makes sense, it makes you feel good and that’s what matters.

BUT from my interpretation then we have a whole other layer: Alcohol is of course not all bad always. I think he’s always liked alcohol and drank it on occasion and it brought him joy etc etc, but I think here the implication in the question is, how much effect did his drinking have on the family relations and how early? And that isn’t so much about when him drinking started but when the alcoholism started. Addiction is defined by a habitual need, that has negative effects from filling that need (physical, psychological, social, etc) and negative effects from withdrawal. If Chilchuck drinks to cope and he can’t not cope without it, that’s addiction, if it affects his relationships, if it’s a need he has, it’s addiction. Addiction can be very insidious or look very casual, and how much people around the person are affected by it is case by case. Cheerful drunks can be sooo annoying and uncomfortable though let me tell you. Drunks are drunks. And this sounds harsh, but even if people around them don’t mind drunks it’ll still have some effects here and there, living with one can be such a challenge, ily drunks good luck with everything much like Chilchuck you deserve good things 🫡　

Ok so with the dad thing and the "ok well maybe he’s always drunk casually but it grew worse with time around when he started working as a dungeon diver" precision made, the other bit of info we have that can inform this is that Chilchuck is on a harsh diet and that alcohol is a hunger suppressant. We know Chilchuck "used to be fine not eating for two days", that literally on screen to quench his hunger so it doesn’t keep him awake he goes to drink water, drinking is his instinct to hunger. Again alcohol is a hunger suppressant and if you want info on that the internet has a lot of research and anecdotes about it. He diets to be light enough to not trigger traps, so it’s something he’d have started after dungeon diving most likely. Between the stress and the diet, yes it’s extremely likely he started going harder on alcohol after he started working in dungeons. There’s arguments on wether two days without eating is less bad for half-foots than humans, but apart from smaller portions there’s nothing that indicates half-foots should get less than 3 meals a day. They need less food but that’s because their bodies are smaller: the need is proportional to the body, not smaller than others’ races, the % of need is similar even if the kg amount of food isn’t. There’s also a popular headcanon with support basis that half-foots run hot and have a faster heartrate and whatnot, and that points towards a faster metabolism rather than a slower one: a bigger need for eating rather than a smaller one. He has the same bmi, 18, as Mickbell, but perhaps because Chil is much taller he’s less intensely visibly underweight with ribs showing than Mick during the bath extra, it’s most apparent when he becomes tallman.

Alcohol is something so important and omnipresent in his character that I have trouble believing it’s something that was part of only a small fraction of his life. It’s his immediate go-to, his no-brainer solution to a good time, I’ve sort of always assumed especially after looking at his family that it’s something he discovered decently young. Like he just acts like someone who’s always had alcohol to fall back on and started young idk. Alcohol is one of his 5 keywords. Alcoholism is very ingrained into his world view and life, his "it doesn’t matter" stance his ‘work hard play hard’ mentality his idea that the world is harsh so you get relief where you can, so it just makes sense to me that it’s always been in his life, if not actively then at least looming.

So yes, in summary, my take: Alcohol was always something he wholly enjoyed to an unwise level, but it could have been considered casual until he started working into dungeons and his need for it on a regular basis intensified. Alcohol has always had positive association to him as far as we see, so when it started being a problem he didn’t see it as such. To quote him, "I drink anytime I get the opportunity to". Why always? Approval of father’s alcoholism. Why alcoholism at all? Diet + stress & coping mechanism & emotional stunting + relationship issues, and she decided she had enough after they went out for drinks.

Conclusion

Chilchuck having drunk from a young age makes sense to me and it’s the strongest narrative angle I see on the table, but that’s objectively a me opinion, yes! There’s no evidence, moreso there’s canon basis and supporting info, but it’s all very left up to interpretation. I’ve made my own interpretations of things from the scraps we see, like everyone else making Chilwife and daughters content. Wether you have a stance on the topic or prefer to leave it vague in your takes, it’ll be a matter of what you think makes most sense, or what you’d rather believe I suppose (which is literally fine)

There’s a lot of subjectivity in even just setting up causal links like you probably noticed during this and I was careful with my word choices, because we’re just extrapolating from what we see and unless Kui states it explicitly from a reliable mouth all we can do is have informed opinions on most things. This particular interpretation is influenced by other details I’ve come to form about my interpretation of Chilchuck too, the more psychological and emotional sides of him and the timeline and how his marriage even happened, unplanned pregnancy imo. Like I hope you see what I mean, this wasn’t supposed to be a speculation post just a quick simple answer but there’s sort of just no other and concise but complete way with the subjectivity nuance to put "maybe it could be yes because of this but maybe it could be no because of this" haha

[binah-beloved]

Binah would help you put up fairy lights and smile when you're giddy over the tiny glowing stars

[sonknuxadow]

hey guys look what i found in my drafts. from a few days ago .

[jayecrockerdaily]

jaye with bunny ears?

004 - 06/20/2024

they r matching

[angelswaiting]

shockwave with anxiety is something i’m very normal about btw. especially delving into the physical effects it has on his body. like im talking body pain and spark racing

[4lph4kidz]

something that irks me quite a bit is when people disavow the shitty stuff in homestuck by saying the only good thing about it is the fandom instead of engaging with the source material critically. i think it is really sidestepping the issue. like i get it, i get that such hostility has been encouraged by the author's antagonistic creative persona and absolutely incoporated into the work itself but i personally do actually like the source material for what it is despite being incredibly critical of it and the author's writing choices. idk. trying to pull this misunderstood ass version of death of the author by acting like the material's only worth lies in being raw material for a fandom to feed upon and repurpose into its objectively better form, and just overall lionizing the fan community rubs me the wrong way

[cleric4vampire]

the holy trinity, as coined by @thehightiefling!

Aune - First Tav Ever, my precious and tortured bard-cleric of Eilistraee. There's a lot about her on my blog so I won't go on and on. Her moodboard depicts various aspects of her: her devotion to Eilistraee, her favorite instruments, sword worship, willows (significant to her & her story), that lovely sculpture in the center which is a perfect depiction of her religious trauma/guilt lol; hands raised in prayer, or desperation, or both?

Aune (but make it Durge) - First Durge Ever; Spore druid. Similarly precious and tortured, but like in a different way. Bhaalspawn edition. A lot of the images mirror the placements of tav!Aune's. Front and center are bloody hands held tenderly; this sort of image/symbolism is central to her story.

Aun* - High Primistress of Bhaal. Also precious, but not as tortured! since she's an embrace!Durge. Despite being objectively the worst, she's most in alignment with herself out of the three. Her color palette is white, red, and gold, partly as a nod to default Durge, but also because she is the kind of person who wants to stand out amongst others; to place herself seperately (and therefore above) those around her. She likes the idea of being this bright beacon dressed in white & red amongst the rest of the black-clad Bhaalists. She doesn't wear purple but it's a color I associate with Drow. She has the most exposure to Menzoberranzan culture out of the three, on account of her having stayed there the longest. (And also the fact that she got to live as a noblewoman there.) Monkshood and hellebore are in her moodboard because their folkloric/mythological associations fit well with Aun's story. I can go into this later if anyone is interested but I'm cutting myself off here because I can talk about plants forever

*Aun doesn't have the -e suffix on her name like the other two; -e means servant, slave, vassal, etc. in the Drow language. In her AU, she never becomes a slave because she passes for a full Drow in Menzoberranzan. Hence the name difference. (Also conveniently makes it easier to distinguish her from the other Aunes)

If you want to read proper bios for these characters, follow the link in my pinned post. :)