flightlessnotfightless

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The tattoos without the wrap!

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"in your life" meaning you met them enough times and substantially enough to remember them. and not just consider them some faceless, theoretical stranger.

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spin the wheel for a random location!!

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My physics teacher and I were partners in investigating an international drug smuggling operation.

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I would like all Americans (and everyone else) who are excited for the Superbowl to know: Before the actual Superbowl there's a live tournament on TV, here in Germany, called "American Ice Football".

It is exactly what it sounds like: American Football but played on Ice, in shoes with entirely smooth soles.

It's a tournament with 4 teams and they are called Eastside Ossis, Westside Wessis, Northcoast Naughties and Southside Smoothies and it's just hilariously entertaining.

Here's a video to show you how stupid it looks:

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The thing about Timmy Chalamet is that he’s truly a great actor and he even has good taste in projects and he’s not even overexposed when you calibrate for how overexposed all that group of 25-30 year old big stars are……however something is still off. any time he gets cast in something it feels like that movie instantly turns into a parody of a movie. I cannot explain this

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pitter patter putter patter *you look down and see this*

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Mutuals do this

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A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there's suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.

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Me, calling in to my shift supervisor: Gooooooood morning! Are we ready for another super splendiferous day with the public?! 😀

Her: That is too much energy

Me: It iiiiiis fake!! 😀

Her: Still too much energy

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I grew these in my aerogarden 💐

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your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

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You can tell a lot about the health of a civilization by their warning signs. Places with a lot of dumb folks will have very broad, very dumb warnings in public. "No feeding the birds." "Stop swimming in this drainage pond." That kind of thing.

Advanced civilizations have very precise signs. They've covered the bases of their regular, run-of-the-mill idiots, and now they're working hard to cover that other end of the bell curve: the talented idiot. When I was in Germany last time, there was a big warning sign that consisted of a 76-letter-long word that means "stop bothering this particular goose, Sven." I don't know who Sven was, but the goose looked pretty calm. It worked.

Now, I have a secret to tell you. You can just make your own signs. There's no law against it, except perhaps "littering," and the municipal sign factory doesn't have very good security. If you show up there past close and put in the door code that you shoulder-surfed off one of the employees returning from lunch a week prior, you have all night to fuck around with their sign-printing machine, making the most official-looking placards you can think of.

Is this wrong? I don't think so. It's a public space, and being able to put up an aluminum sign that says wacky crank shit is your right. For instance, just last week, I banned pickup trucks from parking by the playground. The cops figured out something was going on, because they didn't get any calls for toddlers getting backed over for a couple of days and sent a patrol truck to investigate. Took my sign right down.

What I discovered after that is that nobody keeps records of what signs are supposed to be there. Why would anyone put up a sign for no reason? They cost money, after all. The city is now suing the shit out of that officer for stealing the "no trucks" sign, thanks to an anonymous tipster who called in the theft. Guy wearing a reflective vest came by and put like four more of them up after the lawsuit made the news, just out of spite. I'm not entirely sure if he's actually a city worker; we ran into each other at 3am at the sign factory and just grunted. He was working on some really crazy signs about not feeding a particular swan. Probably German.

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You can only eat 2 foods for the next 2 years (with no health repercussions)

Spin this wheel twice to figure out what they are!

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I think we all need some soup right now. Reblog to give prev a bowl of their favourite soup.

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they should invent a doesn't kill you that actually makes you stronger