#it was 3 days after her birthday
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it was six months ago today.
#..............................................................................#...........................................................................................#...............................................................................................................#.................................................................................................................#she almost died six months ago. today.#it was 3 days after her birthday#christ. and everyone just. expected me to be okay#i repressed it all not by choice but because i had repression forced onto me.#i thought she was going to die. tbh she should have died. i dont know how she survived.#and she acted all fucking chipper about it 'this week was scary as heck!' bc i dont think she wants to think about it either#but like#i dont know.#i dont fucking know#my dad yelled at me for asking if she was going to die. bc i had to stay positive.#so i acted like nothing was wrong and like it wasnt the worst period of my life ever#i was on a medication that made me so insanely depressed i started cutting myself. just bc i needed to feel SOMETHING. i was in the worst#pain ive ever felt in my life#and i was expected to just move on and act like nothing was wrong once she got out of the hospital#like it wasnt insanely traumatizing#okay whatever ignore this#ive been forced to repress shit my entire life even if i dont want to and i dont think its been great for my mental health#tw sh
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shows up a day early with a nobara birthday tribute
#my art#timelapse#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#nobara kugisaki#kugisaki nobara#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#anyway i was alr finished this by the time i actually thought 2 double check the date#come 2 find her birthday is tomorrow.......#oh well it's the 7th somewhere#i cant believe i still had more flowers in me after 3 days of being stuck in hydrangea purgatory#tho tbf roses were one of those things that i fixated on n would doodle over and over in notebook margins n such#so their petal shape n distribution is pretty muscle memory by now#roses eyes and a secret third thing im forgetting were my go-to doodle subjects#theyre just real swirly and bumpy in weird places and tht makes the shape so fun 2 push n play with#whereas hydrangeas r just . roundish pointy with hints of 4petals scattered amid a circle#anyway enough traumadumping abt hydrangeas this is Her Day >:(#also felt good 2 get back to drawing smth that Didnt take 3 days straight#oh WINGS that was the secret third thing i got really into trying 2 draw correct bird wings
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Since the very first book, Kaitlyn’s always been kind of a wild card, but this, I think, is the exact moment her character took a turn for the worse and never recovered.
The gang puts up flyers all around campus for Kaitlyn’s band performances, cheers her on and encourages her when she performs for the first time, the MC helps her reinvent herself with a makeover to boost her confidence, and the gang all goes out of their way to attend Kaitlyn’s band performances even though Natasha and Rachel openly and repeatedly treat them badly just to support their friend.
But then the MC gets knocked down in the mosh pit, Zig leaps to her defense, and then violence erupts all around her and the rest of the gang, through no fault of her own. And what’s Kaitlyn’s first concern after things get violent? Not the safety of the MC or her other friends, but the fact that her band might get blacklisted from the venue because of the fighting.
And then, she even goes so far as to accuse the MC of egging Zig on to get back at her because of the fight she and Abbie had…the fight that stemmed from Kaitlyn’s lack of receptiveness to the concerns Abbie expressed about her skipping classes after late nights with her band.
But somehow…the MC has never been interested in supporting her with the band. Right.
There are definitely worse characters out there…but shit, Kaitlyn grinds my gears like you wouldn’t believe.
#two characters I could write entire essays about#Kaitlyn Liao and Maxwell Beaumont#they both aggravate the absolute shit out of me#Maxwell started out really good and then the writers ruined him after trr 1 then BUTCHERED him in TRH forward#Kaitlyn was immature from the start though she wasn’t as bad as she became later on#^^^adding onto this rq I just remembered how poorly she reacted if you reject her attempt at kissing you at her birthday outing#THAT was pretty bad#I wanted to like her back in the day but after how she acted in TF book 3 I never got over how badly she treated her friends#but anyway yes here I have gone once again on another anti Kaitlyn spiel#apologies if this annoys or upsets anyone#anti Kaitlyn Liao#choices stories you play#playchoices#choices stories we play#pixelberry#pixelberry studios#playchoices fandom#choices stories you play fandom#choices stories we play fandom#choices the freshman#choices tf#choices tfs#the freshman#the freshman series#Kaitlyn Liao
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After fleeing from Monster's Basin to a new settlement by a river in a temperate forest, Buckeye and Magic Man's sapling child is safely planted. Now we can breathe easy as we build a new home for ourselves from the ground up.
First things first, our beloved T'au baby is now our beloved T'au adult! Happy birthday Pro!!
She has matured with the 'heavy sleeper' trait, which means she can now share a room with restless, nyctophobic Bella without issue. As soon as we can, we'll get Euclid to make some proper T'au fatigues and armour. I am going to enjoy drawing tall, lanky, air-caste T'au shenanigans.
The first two randomly generated names for the settlement were "Isk", which sounded too much like "Ick", and "Wessleton", which made me think of that annoying guy from Disney's 'Frozen'.
Fortunately, the third option was "Loyalty's Meander," which was very nice and thematic. After all, loyalty drove us to abandon Monster's Basin and come here, and the new settlement is set on a pretty meandering river—it's the perfect name!
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#rimworld#gracie plays#The Children of Ecthuctu#art#my art#traditional art#rimworld art#unpolished art#I hope the saplingchild is hardy#if anything happens to them I'll be quite put out#we went to all this trouble for them#the least they can do is survive#I'm so proud of Pro!!#I do feel bad that she celebrated her coming-of-age birthday after a frantic caravan trip abandoning her home but#You know#She handled it well#Randy has some funky name suggestions sometimes#“Isk”#“Wessleton”#like c'mon Randy I know you can do better than that#I like Loyalty's Meander though#very pretty#have a fantastic day y'all!! <3
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I want her to be happy 🥺
#fe engage#fire emblem engage#veyle fire emblem#can't believe that her birthday is the day after mine... my irish twin <3
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Thank fucking god for doctors who give a shit about your health. I just met my new doctor who is going to be prescribing my T and I feel so relieved to have someone who actually CARES
#to make a long story short. right after I logged off tumblr in may my endo wrote my T script wrong and the pharmacy couldn’t fill it#I spent a month fighting with her office and my pharmacies (2 of them because my doctor told me it was the pharmacies fault)#the entire month of June I was not able to give myself any t injections and I got my period on my birthday#I made 1 phone call to my primary care doctor on the verge of losing my mind and she was able to get my my T within 3 hours#and now the doctor that trains her and her staff on gender affirming care is now my doctor#my old endo that wrote the script wrong called me a liar and her office treated me like shit. I hope they burn in hell#they upped my T dosage and then I had none for a month. you can not begin to understand the emotional whiplash I was having#I really truly do not understand how I survived. there would be days I would be crying and having panic attacks non stop#and now I have a doctor who I can talk to day or night. and not have to worry about a thing#yapping#anyways. I love you my new doctor. I am finally safe#jasperbarks
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going a little insane thinking about that one echo in moxxi's heist that's jack calling his mom on mother's day- a call she very much does not answer- and how much the sadness in his voice when saying goodbye says about him
#borderlands#handsome jack#borderlands 3#dude i love moxxi's heist so much it fed us jack and Timothy lovers SO good#he MISSES his MOM :((((#like this opens up so many questions#did she show back up in his life after she abandoned him?? after he became ceo?? after his name became known as a monster??#does she know hes dead? that her granddaughter killed herself because of him? that he died crying and desperate to be seen?#did they talk at all or did she disown him completely once he first tasted blood?#did she watch the phone ring in silence every time he called her waiting for it to stop so she could breathe?#did they both dread mother's day and birthdays and funerals as much as the other? did either of them know?#was she there to meet his wife- or his second- did she know about nisha? did he tell her? did he wish she was there?#did she mourn her mother knowing he was the one who ordered her to be murdered? did she know her mother abused him?#I Need To Know#gearbox please i am begging on my knees ANYTHING about his mom and his wife please please please#was he loving?? was he a good kid?? was he a good cook or a funny dad?? did he play in the mud or hide under his covers??#PLEASE#ANYTHING#I AM GOING INSANE#i have answers to All Of This in my head but like- any crumb of info about his family would feed me for months#am so normal about this man
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRESIDENT OF TONARI CLUB!
I, uh, m-made something f-for you.
Know that I'm totally embarrassing my ass over here, so... Don't laugh loud enough that I can hear you from over here!
Aaaaaand now, per Lyndis tradition, I'm gonna overexplain shits and turn a simple Ask into a whole ass Ramble!
-----------------------------(why is there no "Read More" partition in an Ask? I'm so embarrassed right now goddamn it)-------------------------
If you're short-sighted, try removing your glasses or contact lenses and look at this picture. I just did and it's suddenly even prettier!
I actually planned to draw your Sonicsona at first. And then I realized I deadass couldn't even draw Base Sonic. Then I thought I should draw a mole. I realized I also couldn't draw a mole. I thought I should just go for the easiest shit and draw ToFu. I realized I could not draw either one of them, too.
Because I cannot draw, I cheat! I mean I turn things into shapes (chiefly triangles, though not all of them) and then color them and hope that something shows up. This is me using this scientific /+ philosophical concept called Emergence.
No, I didn't just say THAT to sound like I have a technique of any kind, trust. It's so totally a technique—my very productive ass told me.
I remember you saying your favorite color is something like pink, blue, and stuff? It was from that tag game from last year. Hence, I decided I should create a context so I could draw an obscene amount of pink and blue.
If I'm being honest, it took me less than a millisecond to come up with the exact context—Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom is abundantly blue.
And since I always wanted to sneak ToFu in, I thought I would make a purplish-pink dusk. And then I will sneak those stargazing two in.
Come on. Everyone knows those ToFu panels. Even someone like me, who had not seen that part of the manga yet, knows.
Bless Tonari for being so relaxing to color.
HOWEVER! Fushi's limited-ass color presented a big problem for my cheat-drawing. How many combinations of "white" can you even make before you zoom out and see... nothing?! So I basically sabotaged them. That's what you get for being difficult, you mopey, neck-crick-possessing, fragile-enough-to-be-blown-by-the-wind cutie doofus.
I made up the color of their pants. I didn't even refer to their Nameless Boy drip when I decided on the color. I assed that part.
Yes. I admit I put a shit ton of effort into coloring Zelda. This version of Zelda is my kin, you know. Anyway, I like the way her, uh, shirt turned out.
I also like how the Master Sword turned out, but there was so much blue I ended up requiring outlines to distinguish it from Link's shirt and the sky. Told ya I have no technique or skill. I cheat through and through
I was too lazy to draw those sky islands. Besides, the ToTK side is already saturated with details.
What the fuck issa "proportion?" Everyone's head is an orange. The difference, Nova, is whether it's a Mandarin Orange or an Orange.
I don't know if I overdid Dinraal's draconic mane. It looks like she's wearing a wig. At least she is different from how she initially looked—a red tapeworm outfitted with chicken legs.
I admit I put more effort than any Past Me would have into Dinraal because a certain mutual is very, ah, particular about dragons.
Drawing two of your favorite ships for their show of devotion was a completely deliberative choice on my end. Did you also realize that both Link and Fushi had a short, small, low ponytail and that both Zelda and Tonari had similar hair? I believe it's due to me hitting my drawing skill limitation.
There is actually an Easter Egg of some sort in this picture. It's not the ugly doodle thing, no. That thing is me. I'm not an Easter Egg; I'm a ghost.
I'm not telling you what that Easter Egg is. I'm fine with it never being discovered; it'd be like those secret levels in old video games.
But if you DID discover it, come tell me what you think it is!
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I hope you like it enough! Instead of it giving you a migraine, that is. Surely my """art"""... doesn't require a trigger warning... right?
Have a good one, mai bruzha!
---Lyn
A RAMBLE FROM YOU LYN IS THE BEST POSSIBLE BRITHDAY PRESENT I COULD HAVE EVER RECEIVED!!!! COUPLED WITH ART BY YOU????? AND OF MY FAVORITE FELLAS????? What did I deserve to be so blessed ;A; 💕💕💕
I’ll spare us all a little extra scrolling on my part by adding that read more you were fretting about, I have my own ramble upcoming!
I KNOW YOURE ON YOURSELF ABOUT NOT BEING ARTISTIC OR WHATEVER BUT THIS IS ART!!! AND DAMN GOOD ART TOO!!!!!!! This is!!!!!!!!!!! I want this made into stained glass I want to make this the permanent window to me bed roOM LYN THIS IS AMAZING THIS IS ALMOST CERTAINLY GOING DOWN AS ONE OF MY FAVORITE ART STYLES!!!! There’s no such thing as cheating in art, it’s all art!!! “Cheating” is a style, no technique is a style!!! I should know I have none either, hehe -w-‘ your art may be some type of cubism? Hehe idk I’m not an art student :3 Either way this is absolutely gorgeous I’m in LOVE!!!
It’s so creative and well done and I LOVE your eye for detail, the lighting is inspired!!!! Like the way the sun hits the space behind Zelda is so pretty, AND ZELDA IS SO PRETTY!!!!!! EVERYRHING IS SO PRETTY, I CANT FOCUS ON ONE THING BECAUSE I KEEP JUMPING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN ALL THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT IT (every thing, every last detail!!! Is that a little you in the middle? Is that the Easter egg???? I could just pick you up and pat your little head!!! 😭 I know you don’t love hugs but that’s how I’ll be standing if you’re ever ready for one!!!)
I should slow down maybe and pick a few things to focus on BUT I JUST CANT I LOVE IT ALL!!!! The two scenes just blend so well into one another that my eyes are just naturally being drawn back and forth between both of the scenery! Dinraal, who turned out AMAZIING BY THE WAY, ABSOLUTELY NOT OVERDONE, if anything I’m so glad you had fun working on her!!! She’s so gorgeous!!!! I bet your friend is so so proud of how well she looks!!! Oh but anyway, Dinraal naturally leads my eyes over to the sun/moon (and the 24, hehe, thank you!!! /)//(\ Your memory is astounding!!), which have their own beautiful rays of light leading down onto the adorable couples 😭 I love love LOVE the moonlight leading down onto Tonari and Fushi, and the fact that she’s pointing at it too like she can almost reach it? Beautiful! Gorgeous!!! And it just leads my eyes down to them too, there’s just such a natural circular flow here, no wonder I keep getting caught in a loop of admiration! 😁
The blues and the pinks, and the stars on the ToFu side!!! I just noticed them and they’re everything to me!!!! Hahaha I’m so glad Tonari was relaxing to color hehe, same for me, something about her is just so lovely and calming when she’s relaxed 🥰 As for Fushi’s colors, I didn’t notice! Even after you pointed it out it looks good to me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ this is from someone who never references colors though, I’m so loosey goosey about everything -w- BUT YOUR SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM WAS GREAT, THEIR SHAPE IS VERY VISIBLE AND EASY TO MAKE OUT hehe :3 I love their crossed little legs 🥰
Zelda being your kin is so good to know hehe, I’ve always been drawn to all versions of Link myself! I think we’ve been perfectly set up to “play dolls” with these characters in the future, so to speak! Aaaahh they can’t have been easy to draw, there’s a reason I almost never dabble in drawing those two and their intricate outfits, but you make it look effortless!!! Zelda’s shirt turned out amazing, and I’m stuck looking at her little triangle braids!!!! I don’t know why I’m so fixated on that it’s just adorable!!! 😭💕 What a lovely technique, man, I’m so enchanted! AND THE MASTER SWORD, I know you called it cheating BUT I LOVE THE LINE WORK, it makes the sword stand out, almost like you lined that specific part with some sort of melted gold??? Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!
This is gorgeous and beautiful in every which way and thank you!!!! For everything!!! For this beautiful drawing and for giving me a chance to ramble and giving me something gorgeous to look at for the rest of my day, and for indulging in both of my silly little ships /)//(\ I’m so glad I don’t need glasses because I love every inch of your art, thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!!! Gosh it’s so so so lovely 😭💕 you’re so lovely!!!!
I don’t know how to say goodbye so I guess I’ll just say good night for now! Thank you for thinking of me… I’ll have a wonderful day, so long as you promise me you’ll have a wonderful night along side me 🥰
Goodnight, Mai Bruzha!
- Nova
#Lyn the Zelda Kin (I’ll come up with a better tag some day I PROMISE 💕 haha!!!)#Friend Rambles 💕💕💕#long post#IM SO STOKED YOU HAVE NO IDEA AAAHHHHHHHHHH KICKING MY FEET#I’m typing the tags before I actually type the main body heehee I’m gonna jump over the moon!!!!!#and thank you for the letter too I’ve been rereading it! I’ve been getting back into writing letters of my own and wow!!!#the quality of yours are amazing!! I may have to take a note or two on how to craft a good one that one was amazing!! and thank you :’)#ok editing: this nova back after her ramble in the body text#I’m sorry for how disjointed this all looks! I kind of tackled my response based on where I was looking at at any given time#and I wanted to get my reply back before you hit the sheets for the night!!! still it took me some time but I hope I made it!!!#ahhh Lyn I hope you rest well! I’m going to have an amazing birthday and you’re a contributing factor in that my friend.. Mai Bruzha!!!#I know for a fact I’m forgetting details too like just the fact that I love the idea of Tonari and Fushi chilling at night#chatting and looking at the stars and enjoying each other’s company. my favorite scenes of them are always them shrouded in darkness and#covered in some sort of fireside lighting I just!!!!!! they’re so good in the dark thank you for drawing them at night#they are a moon couple to me… and ZeLink is a sun couple to me like idk how you got all these details DOWN about me! maybe we see the world#similarly :3 good to know I have someone in the world who sees them the way I do 😁#aahhhh I’ll let you get off to sleep now dear friend!!! and thank you again! thank you thank you thank you!!!!#this is truly shaping up to be the best birthday ever!
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just found out that instead of my mom my fucking shitass dad is coming home FOR A WEEK
#ugh i really want to kill someone rn im so mad#why can't he just fucking leave us alone#i know he used to be home 24/7/365 days just a year ago but istg it took us no time to adjust to life without him#now he comes home for like 2 days and my blood starts to boil i can't bear him he's so fucking irritating and interfering#mom coming home would have been relaxing finally burden free after 15 days#now the burden will be double tripled he's such a fucking lazy slob he can't even get his own glass of water#and he'll sleep in our room because it has ac UGHHHHHHHJHH it's so yuck i won't have a minute to myself and my mental health will decline#even MORE than it already has like if that's even possible#and he doesn't take his fucking meds so he's all weak and sick and lazy and he expects us to coddle him#well you know what fuck him im not even going to pretend to be happy that he's here or be nice to him and try to make him feel welcome#he broke this family up and it's going to stay broken up forever so fuck himmmm#and i have a freaking 750 ml bottle of vodka lying in my dresser what the fuck do i do with it now huh?????#it's only like 1/4th empty 3/4th is still full#and it's my sisters birthday on 26th and they'll both be here ugh i was sooo looking forward to actually celebrating with her#now she'll feel miserable and horrible and it'll be JUST like every other birthday she's spent at home#fucking grand#ugh god i sooo do not want to cook dinner for 4 people im so sick of this#and he isn't even satisfied with dinner he fucking eats like 4 times a day he wants a hot breakfast and lunch and evening snack and dinner#man i hope something happens to him and he isn't able to come🙏🙏 god if you're real 🙏🙏🙏🙏
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thank god chappell roan didn’t release good luck babe in summer 22!
#i unfortunately had a homoerotic female friendship that ended abruptly and tragically#she was my best friend for YEARS like we met when we were 11#i knew i was queer pretty early on but it’s so painfully obvious in hindsight how badly she was repressing everything#we fell asleep together she liked every guy i liked she was invested in every female situationship i had#like it was so painfully obvious what we were but we were just an undefined weird tension homoerotic pair of besties!#she always wanted to know every detail of my sex life w women refused to hear about the men i was w#she would hold me when we watched movies she wanted to do everything w me and she hated me after we graduated hs!#last conversation was on her birthday haven’t spoken to her once since#this song has sent me into a 3 day spiral session if you can’t tell 😭#never fully gotten over her but i see her post w her new friends at her school 6 hours away like cool cool okay#you’re going to ignore i ever existed instead of confronting your feelings okay! don’t know why she wants nothing to do w me anymore tho#crazy stuff it’s been a year and a half since we stopped being friends but i think about her a lot and i wonder if she thinks about me#i have 2 playlists about her she still follows me on spotify but she didn’t even wish me a happy birthday#at the end of the day i hope she figures everything out. you’re nothing more than his wife and all that#this song THIS SONG SHE WONT LEAVE MY MIND#probably delete later. we’ll see cause all my friends are sick of hearing me talk about her but i can’t stop she’s been in my mind since#this song dropped so thanks chappell 🥹🥹🫡
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3/03/2024
made it to 2024!!! out of the most recent roblox drawings, it's kohane again :DD
seems like i moved out of free draw and into spray paint (despite spray paint being so painfully painfully painfully laggy. and has no undo button. and has a max of 10 layers (which you have to pay for more). And a stupid popup to pay for a bigger brush ever time i try using the biggest sized brush. and also constantly crashing
why? uhh i saw these youtubers draw on spray paint and it looked kinda fun teehee
despite the flaws, i'm actually having a lot of fun drawing on spray paint!! :0 i keep coming back to play more even tho the game hates me :( idk I like the challenge of keeping it to 10 layers (still hate the lag tho i will simply explode)
#art#roblox art#roblox spray paint#kohane azusawa#vbs kohane#project sekai#prsk art#prsk fa#pjsk fanart#oh!!! i dont think I ever said but I play mostly on the EN server!#it's- uh- it's not amazing compared to what JP has right now but like-#I've spent FAR TOO LONG GRINDING ON THAT GAME TO GIVE UP NOW#sunk cost fallacy and whatnot it's pathetic I know#I've sparked for 7 characters now i've already reached peak pathetic-ness#(BUT NONE OF THEM WERE KOHANE SHE TRULY IS THE GOAT LMAO)#ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOHANE I DREW THIS THE DAY AFTER HER BIRTHDAY (3/2) SHE'S SO SWEETIE#i would've drawn something the day before but i had major art block#:D her birthday card came home second pull- do you understand? the love ? i hold? for her? my daughter? my precious sunshine#mouse art
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BIRTHDAY
Birthday! :D
#Doodles#DDoodles#Lalaloopsy#Day after now since I was asleep haha ♪ But the birthday was fun! :D#My big presents this year were Super Mario Galaxy - my first 3D Mario game! :D#We have to find our Wii first tho lol - it's also my first-owned Wii game!#Have I mentioned lately that I'm slow to technology adoption lol#I'm looking forward to it tho ahh ♪ It was one of the shortlist I made for our Wii :3#So looking forward to adding to the collection hehe#And I got a Lalaloopsy! I think this is the first time I've drawn one of my collection digitally? Lol been long enough#This one is Blossom Flowerpot ♥ Isn't she adorable hehe#She came with all her clothes! Yay!! I love when they still have their ensemble ahhh it feels like such a treat#I'll have to count what I'm up to at some point lol - no repeats so far!#And then it was another of the dollar store trinkets but smol and I ended up having a silly amount of fun with them lol-#I dunno if this is a universal elementary school experience but counting blocks? Did everyone have those?#The ones that are broken up into individual blocks and then ten-block sticks and 100-block slabs?#They were my absolute jam lol I liked them even better than lego - and now I'm into Minecraft! Huh! Haha#We started tossing around the idea of painting them to look like Minecraft blocks and fjdsafsd it would be so cute!!#Glue two of them together and make super chunky ''player'' models and snow golems and the like hehehe#I always love a fun craft idea ♪ And modular Minecraft toys are so fun to me!#It was a good birthday hehe ♥♪
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I saw in your notes that you had to cancel your birthday so happy (possibly late) birthday!!
Haha thanks it was last year in September lol!!
And actually I did get to do birthday plans it was just kinda miserably bc the reason I was going to cancel was due to conflicts with my mum (and her making me feel like an awful person about it), but my other mum didn’t care and we went anyways and it was actually fine (the concerns my mum didn’t happen)
Also I was going through basically a platonic break up as well so crazy month lol
But thank you, and everyone who sent me flags, it was nice to get some positive interaction during all that!
#i think I said I cancelled out of mental health reasons#yeah my mental health issue is my parents#they technically did give me mental health issues I definitely was depressed last year before this incident#full context is I have a brother who was 3 and my mum thought he would have a tantrum at the restaurant bc it would be late#and she told me in a way that made me feel like a horrible person for even suggesting going out and never considering other people#the whole summer beforehand was about similar conflicts#but we went anyways and my brother probably enjoyed himself more than I did lol#i just checked all my discord msgs bc I talk to my friends about my parents a lot (it’s good to have a paper trail so I can know exactly wh#and how I’m traumatised by my parents lol)#and apparently after days of me asking my mum if we’re sure we can go and she’s happy to go out and to let me know if it won’t work#she made a backhanded comment the day before we were going to go out#where basically my brother was asleep and she said in a moody tone that this is what it would be like if we went out#and I was just devastated bc I gave her plenty of ways out and at that point I actually had my hopes up about it#and she didn’t say we can’t go she just shat on the idea so backhandedly#oh wow it was such a headache#we cancelled and we’re gonna do it Monday#and then last second we went out that day anyways#yknow when I wasn’t prepared and didn’t get enough sleep#my god#worst birthday actually#at least my sister was there she was cool#anyways sorry for vent ig??#anon#ask#personal
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I remember being excited when Fire Emblem Awakening came out back in 2012 because, although I couldn't afford it and knew I wouldn't be able to for a while, I thought that the price would go down eventually and I had loved Radiant Dawn so much (after picking it up second hand at a game store) that I didn't mind waiting. FLASH FORWARD OVER TEN BLOODY YEARS AND THE PRICE STILL HASN'T DROPPED AND ALL THE OTHER GAMES ARE ALSO ABSURDLY EXPENSIVE (not that I even have a Switch, just my beloved 3DS). SIGH. At least I still have my Wii and copy of Radiant Dawn for when I need to get my Fire Emblem fix... I CERTAINLY CAN NEVER PLAY THE FIRST PART OF THE STORY (Path of Radiance) LEGITIMATELY THOUGH BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE NOW SELLING IT FOR £200 ON EBAY X_X Good for them, I guess XD Maybe it's time to finally try making an emulator work...
#complaining about the price of games these days#BACK IN MY DAY YOU COULD JUST GO TO A STORE AND RUMMAGE THROUGH A BARGAIN BIN TO PICK A GAME BASED ON HOW EDGY AND ANIME THE CHARACTERS LOO#this is why the last nintendo console I bought was my 3DS#I have wanted a Switch for ages but the games are so expensive X_X#and I still have other games calling out to me on other devices...#Fire Emblem hits differently though#Playing Baldur's Gate 3 made me want to play Radiant Dawn again#IT BREAKS MY HEART EVERY TIME SOMEONE DIES BECAUSE OF MY TACTICAL CHOICES AND I LOVE IT#IT HURTS SO GOOD#I play very conservatively XD#I appreciate what BG3 did so much but now after 200 hours of that I hunger for SQUAAAAAARES!#(and the threat of permadeath)#Maybe my friend will let me play Three Houses on her Sweetch (that's how I pronounce Switch because I think it's cuter)#But I play shit SLOWLY XD and obsessively so I'd feel bad going to someone's house to do it#WHEN I AM RICH I SHALL BUY A SWITCH AND PLAY MORE FE GAMES AND ALSO THE ONES ON 3DS#But for now I am very poor XD#Omg just looked on eBay and someone's selling Path of Radiance for £2000! Wtf XD#OMFG I FORGOT THEY MADE A FIRE EMBLEM WARRIORS GAME (as in DYNASTY WARRIORS STYLE) XD WHYYYYY?#HNNNNG MAYBE I WILL BUY AWAKENING FOR MY BIRTHDAY#I COULD BUY A DODGY LOOSE CARTRIDGE WITH GERMAN WRITING ON IT FROM EBAY FOR £10 BUT THEN I WILL SPEND THE WHOLE PLAYTHROUGH STRESSING#AND BLAMING MYSELF FOR BEING CHEAP IF ANYTHING IS BUGGY OR CORRUPTED#Gonna make sure my 3DS is still working properly first though...#It's been a while#I mostly only boot it up these days when I get a Samurai Warriors urge...#It's in my apartment somewhere (I haven't used it since I moved over a year ago)...#(my Wii is still at my Mum's house down South so I will have to wait until the end of October to play Radiant Dawn again#but my brother says he has no interest in our consoles except the PS4 so I will probably take it back to my lair after that 3:)#It can be reunited with the PS2 and my DS Lite and 3DS!#THIS HAS BEEN A GOOD 4AM RAMBLE#talking to myself and making IMPORTANT GAME DECISIONS
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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors
#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other#but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other#for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would#which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways#when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest#but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months#we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells#like i knew them that well#it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy#which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession#but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother#and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins#when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged#idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type#going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone#and now its gone and i wont ever get it back#and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too#like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres#im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for#but its not the same yaknow#and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years#like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me#and thats part of the problem#like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend#and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried#but people didnt want to return it#and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself#and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal#and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man
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#its my birthday :3#for some reason this is the first year that actually means something to me...#i lived bitch 🤣 i made it to 28#and somehow ive been more excited to finish a full year of my nanowrimo goal#after all tomorrow is november 1st!#damn what a terrible year. but im here!#and this writing goal honestly meant so much to me.#i wrote a paragraph everyday for a single year. sometimes more but the important thing was at least a paragraph every single day#even at my sickest thats the one thing i had that I could keep doing. it kept me going some days#as i deteriorated my writing didnt. it flourished#im on the cusp of something man#i just. i fucking did it#all of it whatever it is 🤣#i survived and because I kept writing i kept that spark alive#damn. congratulations me youve met a long term goal that wasnt marrying your hs sweetheart 🤣#locked her down a decade ago so its about time i achieved something else!!#thanks past charlie. couldnt have gotten to the now without you making it through then#happy birthday#notes to myself#id say delete later but i wont
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