#it took me so long to find good images of chasms

[chasm-side]

*points* a fellow chasm

[winters8child]

It´s been a long, long time

Chapter 71

Whenever Nat managed to find a spare moment, she would drop by in the weeks that followed. Each visit brought bits and pieces of her latest missions and updates about Steve. Her reports were always mixed with an undercurrent of concern. Steve had become a shell of his former self, barely speaking to anyone, including her, and retreating into what used to be our shared room. The weight of his isolation was evident in her tone.

They had assigned a new agent to Steve—someone codenamed Agent 13. Nat was unusually vague about her as if she was carefully navigating around a topic she didn’t want to fully address. I couldn't help but suspect that her reticence had something to do with the way Agent 13 was growing closer to Steve. Nat’s evasive answers and the way she changed the subject suggested she was trying to spare me from uncomfortable truths about the new agent’s presence.

We hadn’t really discussed the specifics of this break. Was Steve thinking about dating anyone else? I knew I had no intention of doing so, but perhaps he did. Nat had mentioned that Steve was isolating himself, which didn’t exactly suggest he was keen on pursuing new relationships.

I had so many questions swirling in my mind, but the thought of talking to Steve directly to get answers was more daunting than reassuring. Amidst all this chaos, my thoughts kept drifting to Bucky. I found myself wondering if he had already left for Romania and if our paths would ever cross again. The uncertainty gnawed at me, a constant undercurrent in the sea of my daily distractions.

During this turmoil, I found myself contemplating returning to nursing. Even though I was still receiving payments for being part of the Avengers I kept sending the checks back. There was a sense of purpose in nursing that I missed, a chance to connect with people and help them heal, even as my own heart felt so fractured.

A job seemed like it might offer a much-needed distraction, I thought because living like this felt like a nightmare. No matter how much I tried to rearrange things or hide Steve’s belongings, this place was saturated with our past. Every corner, every object seemed to echo memories of him.

I spent my days waiting for Nat’s visits, clinging to the rare moments of connection. The rest of the time, I was confined to my bed, unable to find any solace in sleep.

My plans to return to a semblance of normalcy were abruptly shattered the day Nat’s call came through, her voice tight with tension. "You need to come to the Compound," she said, each word weighted with urgency. "General Ross wants to talk to us... all of us."

A wave of anxiety surged through me. The idea of going back to the Compound filled me with dread. It wasn’t just the thought of seeing Steve again that unsettled me—it was the crushing realization that I might be drawn back into this life I’d hoped to leave behind forever. The prospect of facing not only him but the entire tangled web of Avengers’ affairs was almost too much to bear.

I made a concerted effort to look human again, even going so far as to apply makeup and slip into a pretty dress. I recalled my mother’s advice: no matter how sad I felt, making myself look good would somehow help lift my spirits. Yet, as I stared at my reflection, meticulously dressed and dolled up, I found myself disagreeing with her. The effort seemed futile; my reflection only highlighted the chasm between the image I projected and the turmoil I felt inside.

I took a cab to the Compound, my heart racing the entire drive as the driver made futile attempts at casual conversation. I barely responded, lost in my own anxious thoughts, and he soon gave up, focusing on the road ahead.

When I stepped into the meeting room, I found everyone already assembled. Nat immediately sprang from her seat and wrapped me in a warm hug, and I clung to the comforting embrace, grateful for her unwavering support.

Sam greeted me next, offering a reassuring pat on the back. "It’s good to have you back," he said with a genuine smile, though his eyes briefly flicked toward Steve. Steve, meanwhile, was engrossed in the pen he was twisting between his fingers, deliberately avoiding eye contact. The atmosphere was heavy with unspoken tension, and Steve’s detachment was palpable, casting a shadow over the room’s otherwise welcoming gestures.

"I'm not really back, Sam, but thanks," I replied with a faint smile as I took a seat in the empty chair next to Nat.

"Ross should be here any minute," Tony said from his spot in the corner, where he was leaning casually, his tone betraying none of the tension that crackled in the room. Everyone else was seated around the table, a silent testament to the gravity of the meeting. Even Wanda was present; Nat had informed me that she was now part of the Avengers. It was hard to push aside the unsettling memories Wanda had once stirred in me, but I reminded myself that it was no longer my concern about who was on the team or why. For now, I had to focus on what was about to unfold.

I dared to glance at Steve for just a second, only to find him already looking at me. He appeared exhausted, with dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes. The sight was jarring, and I raised my eyebrows in surprise at the intensity of his gaze. As he seemed poised to say something, Ross’s abrupt entrance cut through the moment. “Thank you for coming,” he announced with a commanding tone, immediately shifting the room's focus and severing the brief, unspoken connection between Steve and me.

Ross launched into his prepared speech with an authoritative tone. "Five years ago, I had a heart attack. I dropped right in the middle of my backswing. Turned out it was the best round of my life, because after 13 hours of surgery and a triple bypass... I found something 40 years in the Army had never taught me: Perspective. The world owes the Avengers an unpayable debt. You have fought for us, protected us, risked your lives..."

He paused, his gaze sweeping over the room, his expression serious. "But while many people see you as heroes, there are others who would prefer to call you 'vigilantes.'" His words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of unspoken implications, setting the stage for whatever came next.

Natasha locked eyes with Ross, her confidence unwavering. "And what word would you use, Mr. Secretary?" she asked, her voice steady and challenging.

Ross didn’t hesitate, his tone turning stern and accusatory. "How about dangerous?" he replied, letting the word linger in the air like a warning.

Ross continued, his voice growing more pointed. "What would you call a group of U.S.-based, enhanced individuals who routinely ignore sovereign borders, inflict their will wherever they choose, and, frankly, seem unconcerned about what they leave behind?"

The rhetorical question hung in the air, dripping with accusation. He was no longer just addressing the room; he was laying out a case, his words carefully chosen to provoke and challenge the very foundation of what the Avengers stood for.

Ross activated the screen behind him, and it flickered to life, displaying footage of the devastation from New York, Washington D.C., Sokovia, and the most recent incident in Lagos. The scenes were brutal—cities in ruins, people fleeing in terror. The sheer scale of the destruction was horrifying, a stark reminder of the collateral damage left in the wake of these battles.

As the footage shifted, my heart sank. The screen flickered again, and there I was, my face contorted in fury as I shot a Hydra scientist. The image was haunting, capturing a side of me I wished I could forget. I could feel the weight of everyone’s eyes on me, but I was unable to tear my gaze away from the screen as it flickered again, showing another moment—this time, me in an elevator, slamming my gun into a man's face before driving my knee into his stomach. The violent images were a harsh reminder of the lengths I had gone to, and seeing them displayed so starkly made my skin crawl.

The screen shifted one final time, and there I was again—this time on the helicarrier, guns in hand, with the Winter Soldier by my side. The cold, determined expression on my face was unmistakable as I fired at every S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who crossed my path. The relentless, unflinching violence on display felt like a punch to the gut.

Steve finally broke the tense silence, his voice firm but tinged with something close to disbelief. "Okay. That's enough." His eyes were locked on me, and the shock in them was unmistakable. The images had clearly shaken him—images of me doing things he hadn’t known about, things I had never wanted him to see.

The final nail in our broken relationship.

Next Chapter

[longroadstonowhere]

okay, after approximately.... seventeen hours? something along those lines (did, you know, have to do the occasional work task and, like, eat and get water obviously), i’m putting down the game for the night - got to a point where i didn’t immediately have an interesting task in front of me and needed to make a stopping point for myself

i’m gonna put a cut here and do some freewheeling thoughts on tears of the kingdom thus far, but generally it suffices to say that i am having a good time

first of all, i’m really glad i played age of calamity somewhat recently, because it gave me little bits of character info that i honestly would’ve completely forgotten without it - namely that teba had a son who was one of the tiny birds in the last game

anyway it really feels like they took the notes/complaints about breath of the wild’s story to heart, cuz god damn is there a healthy amount of story here, especially with them bringing back sages and temples and such - for posterity’s sake, i have completed the wind temple, and am on my way to death mountain for what i assume will be the fire temple; should be interesting to see who the sage is, since we got a little curveball from the ritos not making it teba (so now i’m thinking yunobo or someone else? and the someone else is a little more likely)

okay also for posterity’s sake - i have gotten four glyph memories, which i assume they’re assigned to the glyph and not given in a particular order, so i got the intro one (zonai), the castle, the demon king, and the sword; i’ve also done precisely 1 (one) chasm visit and started my job at the lucky clover, as well as completing enough shrines to get up to eight hearts with enough orbs currently on my person to get something, and i uncovered the demon statue under hyrule, as well

sad they’re not letting me play as zelda, but also love that she is literally an actual part of the imprisoning war from ten thousand years ago, like yup nope the zelda in that mural was in fact the exact same zelda who was critiquing and comparing herself to that perfect image of, it turns out, herself

like fucking hell i just love the character beats there, and hopefully some amount of that gets discussed on screen, cuz damn

oh, right, by the way, if i had a nickel for every time a dead king guided me through a great ____ zone i’d have two nickels - i kid, i kid, i really liked king rauru (which!! king rauru what?!?!? aaaaaaa my zelda lore brain is firing off all the time) bamfing around and actually, like, guiding us? like he doesn’t really quite know more than we do, he’s just more familiar with how the land works and such

... now that i’m thinking about it, though, how the hell did we end up where we did? like i was jokingly complaining to myself about how we were literally just shoved in a random room (on the floor), as opposed to breath of the wild where we were intentionally brought to an advanced piece of restorative technology, but also, rauru didn’t have a corporeal form? how was he able to replace my arm? and how did i get in that room????

guess that’ll be one for the zelda youtubers - oh, wait, right! i was gonna make this joke like fourteen hours ago, but i loved the opening bit where zelda is just like the zelda lore youtubers i watch sometimes, where she’s just excitedly pointing at things and going ‘!!! this is cool! i don’t actually know what’s going on entirely but it’s cool!!!’ like yes, love that for you darling, i will like comment and subscribe every moment you’re on screen doing what you love

let’s see... oh, the gameplay is pretty excellent, even if i keep dying because i’m bad at fighting without all my special powers (and because i couldn’t find a shirt for so damn long, like i know that was just luck probably but still), and the new magic abilities are fascinating - it’s interesting how they’re both more and less expansive than the previous set (like with the attaching things power, you can pick up anything not just metal stuff like you could with magnesis, but without cryonis water is way more terrifying cuz none of the other powers can really do anything about water by themselves)

fav so far is the ‘swim upward through solid objects’ one because ya know i love to climb things, and it’s really fun to have an escape clause on, like, most caves and a lot of other places (i think i used it a fair amount in the wind temple just to get away from dudes)

i haven’t made very many vehicles, because when i make stuff for movement i feel bad about abandoning it out in the wilderness but also sometimes you just gotta cut that corner and jump off the cliff (which, gods, it took so long to get the paraglider and i was so happy when it finally dropped into my hands) - this is how i felt about horses in the first game, although i’ve actually ridden a couple horses around this time

you know what i have done what feels like fifty times? supported president hudson, that’s what - actually it’s a really fun and simple engineering puzzle that i’m glad shows up again and again, but by gods i wanna take addison’s hands and just go ‘why didn’t you guys just make the sign stable to start with??’

it’s been very cool seeing how the world has changed, both with recovery after breath of the wild and with the stuff falling from the sky at the start of this game, although i think what fascinates me the most is that no one’s actually said (or even implied) exactly how long it’s been either since botw ended OR since link and zelda disappeared on their archaeological survey - like i have no idea if link was out for days, weeks, or months honestly (my guess is like three weeks but who knows!)

negative things... not a fan of how often i died, and it took me way longer to figure out how to use the zonai wings than it should have, i wish there’d been a slightly better explanation at some point, and i wish i’d gotten the latest memory i found (the sword one) later in the quest line, cuz it feels very resolution-y and while it’s occasionally fun to get these things as an almost in media res conclusion, in this particular instance i’d rather have just seen it later

the whole geoglyphs concept is super awesome, though, that was a fantastic addition and really rewards the whole flying around the sky thing that this game is really about

can’t wait to get through the rest of the major story beats so i can spend the next few months just dicking around

but first sleep

[hami-gua]

琵琶精和金鹏 (The Pipa Spirit and Alatus)

This is actually purely self-indulgent. I also didn't exactly know how to translate 金鹏 so I just used Xiao's other name but in English. Also, the new quest in the chasm is deeply hurting my heart simply cuz I can't bear to see my bby go through dark shit again. Anyways. A continuation based off of the song from previous story.

!!!DO BE WARNED!!! The reader in the story has female pronouns. The reader will also not be referred to by name. Xiao will, but only at the end.

The plucking of an instrument echoes through the plains in the path of sunset. There sat a girl peacefully plucking her strings of her jade pipa. All the while a boy with his spear dances out in the open field. As the girl slowed to a stop, so did the boy, signaling the end to the song.

“I think it’d sound better if there was singing involved,” the girl stated, caressing her instrument. “But where would we find a person willing to sing?”

The boy looked at her flatly, “We both know you can sing, so why can’t you?”

“Please. Me singing? I sound like an old cat gasping for more air.”

The boy’s look became even flatter.

“You are literally an instrument.”

“Yeah. But just because I’m a pipa spirit does not mean I’m good at singing.”

“I’ve never met an instrument spirit that sings like an old cat gasping for breath. Many of them sound like song birds.”

The girl huffed. “Many do, but not this spirit.”

“Okay okay I get it I get it. Now are you going to play more or not?” The boy demanded.

The girl sighed once more as she closed her eyes and started once more, the boy took a deep breath and began dancing once more. The wind drifted across the field, ruffling his deep jade locks, the light jade highlight glowed under the sunset rays. Debating and debating, the girl finally made up her mind. If he complains then he complains. It’s not my fault if I sound like a dog trying to sing. He said instrument spirits sounded like song birds. Thus, did she sang in a soft calming sound. Gentle like the streams along wooded banks, lapping against smooth cool rocks. Her voice reached high up above the tallest mountains down to birds that soar over the land in the open air. The music smoothing even the most sharp rocky edge. The boy relaxes as he bounds and leaps through the air while twirling in different directions. He gracefully flipped across the field, spear slicing across blankness almost as if it was another limb of his. And as the song concludes, does the girl open her eyes hugging the jade instrument close to her as she smiles at the boy.

“唱得好听吗，魈？” (”[Does my] singing sound good, Xiao?”)

“好听。” (”Yes” [lit. translation is: ‘it sounds good’ or ‘sounds good’])

Another short one cuz this is roughly how long I can keep an image I have :)

[eureka-its-zico]

Irrevocably Yours Pt. 2

Part 1 

Request: hey! can i request a scenario of jungkook being a rich kid who has some of his legs is leg failure , basically can't walk without a cane , And he falls in love with a normal girl , and they end up running away , happy ending plz , also if u can , LIT IT Up with smut ' thank u ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A/N: So Part 2 is that slow burn build up (with possible cute moments?) and part 3 will be the actual SMUTTY goodness. Hopefully this is something cute and fluffy that is enjoyable and helps progress the story a little more so when a full length next part of a bunch of smut comes it all makes sense. Or idk anymore lol I edited this thing four times and I just really hope you all like it  Please enjoy this wordy mess. I wasn’t sure how to properly write it out the end and yeah...I winged it. If it needs to be fixed lmk please!! As always, I hope you all enjoy. Much love, Jenn

P.s. when I wrote this I listened to Lauv’s “I Like Me Better,” and Pink Sweat$ Feat. Kehlani’s “At My Worst,” on repeat like crazy.

Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 15,496 (I know:it’s a hefty boy)

Genre: Fluffy/Smutty, slow burn, 

The next day at school you weren’t a hundred percent sure what was going to happen. And sure, maybe you did wake up from a dream replaying that moment in the mud. The ending is a little bit different. This time, dream you didn’t let your chance to kiss him go by. When the opportunity presented itself, and you were both looking at one another like before, you’d leaned forward and kissed him. You weren’t surprised to feel him kissing you back. 

You could still feel the ghost of the imagination of him leaning down to press his lips against yours. The way he leaned in; eyes soft with longing as his body leaned deeper in against you. The weight of him pressing you into the mud until you were sure an imprint of this moment would be there forever. This imaginary kiss you’d shared was sweet, chaste, and everything you could’ve hoped for. Deepening at the last second as your alarm blared you back into realty. 

It made you want to ring your hands through your hair in frustration. 

Your whole walk to school was nothing but foggy images of the dream on repeat. A mixture of yesterday’s events accompanied them with each frame until you weren’t sure which was the actual moments or what your head had created. I mean, you did know he didn’t kiss you, but...the look in his eyes. Maybe Jungkook hadn’t, but there was that moment you swore maybe he felt the painful comedic romance moment of it all too. 

All these unanswered what if’s you'd created had built an impossible chasm that seemed to stretch infinitely wider between you in your head. In the end, you were your own bully as your mind stayed up until three that morning playing out every scenario you could think of. Even the ones that ended with you probably reading everything wrong, because what did you know about body language? Or, more specifically, boys built like Jeon Jungkook.

It didn’t matter that you had two tests today and never finished your homework for home period, but what the hell. Nothing like hopelessly daydreaming about the boy who may or may not have flirted with you and harmonized along to songs with a hidden voice of an angel, am I right? And sure, a large part of your night was  spent chastising yourself half the time to remind you there was no way in hell Jungkook could feel that way towards you. Even just a little. Your inner monologue of bringing yourself back down to earth, another culprit in the growing list of reasons why none of your assignments were completed. 

What can you say? You were a mess.

Your only game plan you’d been able to agree on was just to daydream out the window. Writing out your own hapless love story starring the boy who sat across from you in the home room. With a silent plea to the universe that you weren’t called on to answer any questions. 

Your arrival at homeroom was met with barely seconds to spare. The bell rang behind you, and a few other students, as you rushed towards your desk. 

“Hurry, hurry to your seats! Or I’ll write you up as late!”

Mr. Choi was all talk. Everyone knew it and his excessive arm movements to rush every body that passed his desk made him look exactly like a conductor. His crazy movements were enough to distract you for a split second from the one person you were desperate to ignore. 

“Good morning, class. I hope you are all fully rested and awake for class this morning. Let’s have us open our books to page two hundred and forty-two and continue on with our lesson.” 

In unison the sound of backpacks unzipping with students reaching in their backpacks to bring out textbooks filled the class. The only person who didn’t currently have said book was holding his hand up, and seated directly across from you. 

“Yes, Jungkook?”

“Seonsaengnim, I’m sorry. I haven’t received my textbooks yet.”

“Ah, that’s alright, Jungkook. You can go ahead and share with Y/N, again.”

You hoped your face wasn’t giving away the panic you felt rising up to match the blush that was streaking across your cheeks. Jungkook’s hand was already on the leg of your desk. His fingers tips grazing across your knee in passing as his hand wrapped around the bar and used it to bring you closer to him. You kept your eyes glued to page two hundred and forty-three and refused to look in his direction. Jungkook seemed to find a way to remedy this; his hand came into view and grabbed hold of the book corner and slid it over to his side. And as if he was the world’s greatest magician, he now had your attention. 

Your eyes immediately shoot up to acknowledge his presence, instead of staying on the book. You knew that devilish smirk of his would be there to greet you even before you actually saw it. 

“Well, good morning to you too, Y/N.”

His voice practically hummed a tune as he spoke. His eyes heavily searched your face, and you prayed whatever he found wasn’t any lasting signs of rosy cheeks. 

“Good morning, Jungkook. I hope you slept well.”

“I slept very well, thank you.”

“That’s good-“

He cut you off fast, his next words a hush of teasing: “Even though some crazy girl tried to smother me in mud yesterday.” 

Your world narrowed in on his smug position in his chair, but quickly realized he just wanted your attention. The smile he wore softened around the edges as his eyes tried to look away from you and yet found their way back. You did your best to hide your smile and must have failed miserably for his face noticeably brightened. 

“I’m sure if that’s what she was doing - which I doubt - you probably deserved it.” 

Jungkook pretended to be wounded and caused you to practically jump out of your seat when his free hand landed on top of yours. 

“I can’t believe you think I deserve to be smothered,” he pouted. 

You rolled your eyes in a weak attempt to look away from him. Anything to not be swallowed up by how stupidly cute he looked in this exact moment. The fingers that held your pencil lazily tapping on the pages of the math book to bring his focus to something else that wasn’t you. 

“We need to pay attention.”

It was the only valuable excuse you could come up with to look away from him. But who were you kidding? You didn’t have to be looking in Jungkook’s direction to be painfully aware that he was there. His own gaze burned straight through you and left a trail of heat everywhere his eyes seemed to land. 

Right now, you were aware they were on your lips and stirring every emotion from your dream you tried to suppress. Plus, you weren’t being cute. Unless Jungkook found the sight of you chewing your bottom lip into dust attractive. 

It was a terrible nervous habit that seemed to only backfire right this second. You were sure he was ready to make a comment on it. You waited patiently for it to come in between you mindlessly copying equations off the board and the sea of arms flying up to answer whatever it was you’d just written. My gosh, you were trying so damn hard to not pay attention that you were doing nothing but paying attention to him. 

Please don’t let him just see I’m doodling. 

Mr. Choi was in the middle of showing how to work out a long equation when you decided it was safe to give Jungkook a glance. It was instantaneous how quickly you regretted it. 

You jumped back against your seat in a weak attempt to recover some space. You weren’t exactly sure how you’d missed it -missed him- getting so close, but you had. Jungkook’s face was mere inches from yours and it took everything to not show him you weren’t at all bothered. 

“Jungkook,” you whispered fiercely. “What.are.you.doing!”

Jungkook ignored your question. His eyes squinting as they looked around the side of your head. The gesture made you increasingly subconscious until you couldn’t keep your hand from going up to brush alongside it. 

“What? What is it?”

You were expecting the worst. 

“I think I see some mud still stuck inside your ear.”

And like magic your earlier blush reappeared. Your tongue rolled against the bottom of your teeth in a weak attempt to keep yourself from smiling. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to stop it as the urge to give in tugged mercilessly at your lips. The playful glint in his eyes was enough to keep the panic of how incredibly close he still was. Your eyes hopelessly glancing at the pair of lips that plagued your dreams. 

Jungkook noticed. 

And how did you know this, you might ask? 

Jungkook gave it away by the dramatic way his lower lip was drawn in by his teeth. Every movement he made sure was exaggerated and stupidly slow. His eyes watch for your reaction. He didn’t have to wait long; your eyes were glued to them long before his teeth joined the equation. You should’ve felt more embarrassed at your own blunt display - or maybe at his -but, god help you, you weren’t. 

You tore your gaze away from him and did your best to pretend whatever part of the lesson you’d missed was interesting. The dirt on your shoes could’ve been more interesting at this moment; anything to keep you from looking back at him. 

“I rinsed my hair three times in the shower. Thank you very much.” 

“Did you think of me while you were washing yourself clean?”

If what Jungkook was after was seeing your face light up brighter than a tomato he’d succeeded. Your cheeks instantly flushed and felt scolding hot. The only line of defense you could think of to fight the devilish look in his eyes was to give him a smack on his arm. The motion only caused his sinister smile to turn into a full blown grin; a bark of laughter leaving him seconds later. 

Jungkook chuckled out an, “Ouch!” His body leaning back, faux wounded, and rays of sunshine pouring out of him in waves. 

“I meant when you were getting the mud out of your hair.” His voice carried the singing sweetness of his laughter; airy and light. This boy who you did think of in the shower. All hard edges and softness; sour and sweet. Your very own sour patch kid. “I mean, I thought of you when I tried scrubbing it out from behind my ears.”

Your heart gave a brief jump at his omission. What you wished you would’ve focused on was the fact he’d admitted to thinking of you...in his own shower. But nope! Instead, your mind appeared to focus more on the fact it was while he scrubbed at his ears. 

“I scrubbed my ears too.”

Oh. My. God, you inwardly cringed. 

Is that really what your magical brain decided to say in return? Jungkook leaned back in, eyes inspecting not just your ear, but your entire space. Recklessly moving in dangerously close, and your heart was ready to beg for mercy. Whether to completely close the space between you or to stop teasing, of which you weren’t sure. 

“It appears you didn’t do that good of a job,” he huffed.

A gurgled scream flew into your throat; the sound was utterly ridiculous and Jungkook ate it up. His head flew back in laughter as your hand moved to swat at him again. 

The disruption turned the attention of your teacher directly to the two of you, and Mr. Choi was quick to address it. 

“Jean Jungkook! Y/L/N, Y/N!”

The both of you rose from your seats in unison. Jungkook’s rise the definition of graceful, while yours in comparison was met with anxiety and your knees colliding with your desk. Your small “Oomph,” of pain sending him into a fit of giggles beside you. The hand you sent in to pinch at his leg only sent him into another fit. 

“Y/N!”

Stupid, stupid! Of course he would see.

“Seonsaengnim!”

To appease him, you felt your body respond in a ninety-degree salute. Your face keeping down to stare at your shoes and praying you weren’t about to be sent out of the room. 

“Would you mind explaining what Jungkook and you found so interesting that the two of you felt like you didn’t need to be a part of class.”

God, it wasn’t a question. He really wanted you to tell him, and what could you say? 

“Oh, he was just asking me if I was in the shower...thinking of him. And he was thinking of me too!”

Which wasn't a lie. Maybe it wasn’t as dirty as he might have intended, but it was enough to make your cheeks flush to life with their usual color these days. Your mind was still racing with an appropriate answer for Mr. Choi. You were taking so long you were ready to blurt out anything he might want to hear. 

“Seonsaengnim.” Jungkook gave a respectful bow and lifted his head. His full attention now resting on the impatiently waiting man at the front of the class. “We were discussing the fact that you, respectfully, have written the equation wrong on the board.” 

The entire class seized up. A collective air was taken at Jungkook’s bold attempt to correct him. It was awkwardly obvious that he wasn’t happy at the idea of being corrected. However, Jungkook remained unfazed and waited for the right time to speak. 

“Is that so?” He snapped. “If it is so wrong, Jeon, then please, come and fix it for me.”

You were sure his order for Jungkook to go to the front would make him back down . No one enjoyed doing class work on the board up front for all to see. But you’d forgotten Jungkook wasn’t like everyone else. He kept his head high and moved to grab his cane; his hand wrapping tightly to its handle. Jungkook stepped out from inside his desk and let his feet carry him forward. He walked with a noticeable lack of a limp and you were willing to bet that strike of pride was costing him. 

It wasn’t that you couldn’t believe that Jungkook was able to walk without it. It was just that your memory forced you to recall the pain he was in during the field trip. The flashes of frustration as his eyes threatened to spill over with tears. 

Jungkook came to stand beside Mr. Choi. His hand reaching out to take the marker that the older man had held out waiting for him to prove his equation wrong. He plucked it from the older man’s hand and moved the last few inches to stand in front of the board. His eyes scanning the problem quickly. Your breath held tight in your chest as you watched him get permission to grab the eraser. The class transfixed on his every movement.

You wondered how many of the girls in your class focused on him like you were. The same way your eyes ate up every simple movement he made. The notable flex of his back while he stretched to erase the middle and last part of what Mr. Choi had written out. 

“You had a good start here, Seonsaengnim.” Jungkook paused to stretch out his hand. Fingers marking underneath the start of the problem. “But you didn’t multiply these after they were divided, and because of this the middle became wrong. With your core of the problem being wrong the solution was never able to end in its final conclusion.”

With every word, Jungkook’s voice became more self-assured. His presence enveloping the room and demanding the attention he’d already received without question. Mr. Choi watched on with his arms crossed; index finger hugging his mouth in concentration as he watched Jungkook work. From the back of the class, you could see students writing down the new formula. Some of them realized the obvious error Mr. Choi had made. 

Jungkook looked at the problem over again on repeat. If it’d been you, you would have left it where it was knowing you’d done what no one else did. But Jungkook wanted to know, for himself, that it was correct. 

Finally, he stepped back from the whiteboard and handed the marker back to Mr. Choi. Who looked measurably impressed with him. His index finger he’d used for thinking now covered up a timid smile before he dropped it to grab a hold of the marker. 

“Go ahead and have a seat, Jungkook.”

Jungkook gave him a passing bow as he made his way back towards the back of the class. Back to you. It took everything you had not to notice how everyone’s view of him seemed to change. Even the honor students; the ones bound for scholarship glory to prestigious colleges now seemed to take new interest in him. 

You’d heard stories about Jungkook, like everyone else did. The Boy Wonder. The boy who seemed unfairly good at everything. Before you’d ever met him, a part of you believed there wasn’t a way the universe would seriously do that. And yet, as he moved to sit back down beside you, you suddenly felt the overwhelming sensation of being below average. Your subconscious rose up to stop whatever sunlight you’d felt at his earlier words, and crushed it until it began to dim. All but snuffing it out. 

Jungkook fell back into the seat at his desk riding the high of confidence he’d gained from proving he’d know how to fix the answer. Not just know it; teach it. The air around him completely changed. He was the sun and the rest of you were becoming helplessly lost in his orbit. From the backwards glances of the others around you, you were pretty sure they weren’t going to mind one bit. 

Either Jungkook was honestly oblivious to all the attention or he just didn’t care. He practically beamed as he leaned himself closer to you completely unaware at how breathless he made you. That smile you’d admired during your field trip showed itself beaming and bright. He was so damn pleased with himself his eyes sparked with joy and you wish you could’ve pouted. Maybe found the strength not to care or to wonder if he could see how he affected you. 

You wanted to pout and be in your own bubble, damn it. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N. I don’t think he’ll bother us again.”

Us. 

Those butterflies you’d sworn to yourself you were not feeling towards him began to come to life. Or were they butterflies? You weren’t sure what to call the feeling Jungkook gave you. 

Sure, Jungkook made your heart thunder in your chest like a caged animal. And yea, maybe you swore to yourself there was an attraction there that you couldn’t explain, but that was just your dopamine talking. That didn’t mean the two of you were soulmates or the universe decided to bring you both together by a mess of unseen choices. 

But...when Jungkook looked at you this way it was hard to tell your thundering heart anything else. 

The two of you continued to look at one another. A heartbeat of time passing between you with Jungkook waiting for your reply. You watched the edges of his smile start to wilt as realization set in that you weren’t planning to  reply. No smile or teasing remark was headed his way, and just as fast as he noticed it, determination swiftly replaced the light weighted joy he’d shown moments earlier. 

“Hey, you don’t have to worry. I’m positive he will leave us alone the rest of the class. I promise.”

God, why did he have to make things so difficult? When Jungkook spoke the words, “I promise,” they’d been so earnest. He meant them. Here he was trying to turn the tables and be your knight, instead of you being his. It would have worked, but what he didn’t know was that you weren’t worried about Mr. Choi. Not really. 

No one could tear you down further than you were able to do to yourself. 

He was still waiting for the answer that you would never give. You turned to face forward in your chair and tried to forget the ripple of sadness that moved over his face. The cost of your stubbornness suddenly felt too high. No matter how it made you feel though, you refused to look over in his direction. 

An awkward chasm had built between the two of you. Mostly, well, obviously it was all because of you. You figured Jungkook would eventually stop looking at you. You prayed he would stop. Every time he did it your body became painfully aware of his gaze, and the longing it held for you to acknowledge him. And every time you remained facing front. You no longer could pretend to focus, however, and that seemed to be all the signs Jungkook needed to know you were in some way paying attention.

Your notebook that’d been left unattended on the desk became his private art museum. The doodles started off silly and slowly morphed into small faces and objects that held impressive detail. You tried your best to ignore it; his arm practically took up most of the space on your desk. The angle forced him to shoulder into your space to the point that if you did finally turn to look at him you’d run inches away from his cheek. 

You were doing your best to pay attention to whatever your teacher was doing at the front. Your eyes watched as a wave of hands went up to answer questions you’d never heard. Yours kept sliding back down to the latest doodle he was making. The latest one he was working on had forced Jungkook to move further inland on your notepad. His forearm getting dangerously close to having to rest in your lap. 

It continued like this the remainder of class. For all the effort you’d put in the last half hour of pretending he wasn’t there, Jungkook shattered it within seconds. 

He’d repositioned himself with each new doodle he started. His shoulder wedged itself against yours and his forearm had completely taken up what little space was left on your desk. You were trying very hard to not pay attention to how said forearm was dangerously close to your chest. There was no hiding the redness of your cheeks. 

Without thinking, you whipped your head to look at him and almost yelled. You knew he was close, but nothing prepared you for this.

“Excuse me,” you whispered, voice incredulous. 

Jungkook turned to look at you and...was he pouting? His eyes played up on the childish quality as he turned to you and batted his eyes.

“Can I help you?”

“Ugh, can I help you? Do you need paper or something?”

“I have paper right here. Thanks.”

Jungkook patted the notepad with the end of his pen. Satisfied with his answer he turned his attention back to his latest artistic endeavor. 

“You know this is my desk. Right?”

“I like to think of it more like our desk. Sharing a space like we shared music.”

“Ya, Jungkook. You realize you blackmailed me into using my ipod.”

Jungkook feigned shock. His mouth dropping open and his eyes brows going too high up into his hairline. The entire scene was exaggerated and ridiculous. The scene forced you to roll your lips against your teeth to keep from smiling. The effort it took to hide your grin wasn’t unnoticed by Jungkook, and you couldn’t help but wonder if that’d been his goal all along. 

“Blackmail sounds so crass. I like to think of it as bargaining.”

“So we agree it’s called blackmail, then.” 

The theatrics of his face dropped into a serious stare that left his face completely blank. Void of all emotion except the annoyance that drew a heavy frown from his face. It was stupidly cute and this time you did allow yourself to smile. Your fingers reached out to grab one of his puffed out cheeks and gave it a sweet pinch, like a grandmother, and cooed in his direction. 

“Oooooh Jungkookie, don’t frown. We’ve all gotta be wrong sometimes.” 

He playfully nipped at your hand to make you snatch it away. It took everything in you not to make a sound at his sudden movement. Your mouth hung open in an awkward smile-shout as you brought your handle against your chest. 

“I think you’re misinterpreting the facts here. Maybe you hit your head on a small pebble or something when you fell in the mud.”

“You mean when you pulled me in.”

He shrugged and replied nonchalantly, “I don’t think I recall any force being used yesterday. You just fell on my chest trying to take advantage of me in my time of need.”

Now it was your turn to look deadpanned in his direction. Jungkook didn’t try to hide his wicked smile, however, and the cage of butterflies that were housed in your gut were released all over again. 

“Your appa must be a lawyer. It’d explain why you’re so good at bullshitting.”

“CEO, actually. But I would say you’re close. They are also full of shit.” 

You weren’t sure what to say to this omission about his father. Underneath the sarcasm felt like a heavy chasm that spoke of the death of a relationship. Your curiosity threatened to get the best of you, but you decided to just throw it away. Filing it away inside a little folder you’d made for little known facts about him. 

The bell rang and the mass of bodies in class all began to rise from their seats. All of them eager to rush from the classroom and do whatever plans they’d made to enjoy their little bit of freedom. You were reaching for your bookbag when Jungkook’s hand was just there. A part of you worried he’d decided to play a game of keep away, or something that fit his playful mood, Instead, he placed it down on the desk. 

“Oh, thank you, Jungkook.”

God. Why were you staring? Why was he staring?

The room was still filled with the small display of chaotic teenage energy. Most of them had already filed out of the classroom, while some were still putting things away. Honor students were arguing with the teacher about markings he’d left on papers. Small groups of friends chatting happily as they moved in tight clusters through the door. So much was going on around you, and yet the only person you were aware of was him. 

“You’re welcome. Have a good lunch, Y/N.”

The playful air that’d been around him had completely disappeared. This boy who stood before you now was more reminiscent of when you’d first met than the boy you’d grown to like. What had made him grow so distant?

“You too, Kookie.”

It slipped out. You couldn’t stop yourself. He’d already started to walk away in his retreat. As soon as his pet name you’d given him hit his ears he completely stopped moving. His head whipped around to glance at you with that devilish grin raised high on his cheeks. 

“Kookie? Are you calling me a snack?”

If your eyes could’ve gotten any wider, they would’ve left your skull. The embarrassment was hot on your cheeks and you knew Jungkook would tease you without mercy for the slip up. By the look in his eyes you could tell he was never going to let this go. Not ever. He would be too happy to remind you of this until the day you died. Or until graduation. Whichever came first.

This time you scooped up your bookbag and snatched your book off the desk clutching them to your chest. In your haste to grab them and go, your knee collided with the edge of the desk, but you’d worry about that possible bruise later. You just needed to flee before Jungkook got any closer. 

“No, no. It was an accident.”

“You called me a snack by accident?”

You were backing up towards the safety of the open hallway. Your shoulders shrugging too high and your laugh too high-pitched in your attempt to play it cool.

“No snack nicknames here. It was just a slip of the tongue. I must just be hungry, ya know.”

“Are you hungry for me?”

Oh, he was intolerable sometimes. It didn’t matter how flustered he made you. A part of you knew his endless teasing was growing on you. You liked it, and the sane part of you wondered if you’d gone crazy. 

“Ya, Jungkook-”

“I think you mean, Kookie,” he cut in. 

Jungkook held a single finger up to silence you. He’d stopped moving towards you and let out a laugh as you tried to swat his hand down. He looked so much happier than he did moments ago. That alone made his teasing at your expense worth it. 

“No I mean, Jungkook. It’s the name your parents gave you.” You stated, proud that your voice sounded more stable than you felt. “I’m gonna go eat my lunch now. You should do the same and I’ll...see you later.”

You waited for him to argue. To continue to make comments in passing to keep your face rosy and flushed. He surprised you by just standing there in silence. His smile wide on his face and eyes looking at you like you’d held the moon. A look you weren’t used to and made you unsure how to respond. 

You started to walk back towards the door and found yourself disappointed when he didn’t follow. You sent him an awkward wave as your arms still held onto your things from your desk. Jungkook showed his amusement by giving you a wave in return.

“See you later, Y/N.”

At his words you turned on your heel and headed out towards the courtyard. No longer eager to eat your lunch that you’d packed. Your mind replayed his words and knew, without a doubt, he would keep his word.

—————-

Lunch went by as quickly as it came. Instead of eating your lunch with friends, you’d opted for sulking in the auditorium. Absentmindedly taking small bits off your food as you considered what had happened between Jungkook and you. 

There was flirting there. You may be a little delusional, but you weren’t delusional about this. It was obvious to anyone who witnessed it and yet you tried to deny its existence at every turn.  Of course, you knew why. 

It just didn’t make logical sense. You were two opposites that shouldn’t be in the least bit interested in the other. Well, that didn’t really seem correct when it came to Jungkook. He was attractive to everyone and probably even inanimate objects. But you...you just couldn’t see yourself that way. You’d only ever had one relationship in your life and it had been short-lived and in the third grade. 

Throwing what little was left of your sandwich back inside it’s little brown coffin, you removed yourself from your spot. A huff left you as you reached out to pick up your mess and started to hop back down the steps one-by-one. 

You weren’t sure what walking around was going to do. For the hundredth time since this day started, you were lost in your own head. The only thing you knew for certain was that you’d hoped to run into him again. A thought came to you that maybe, just this day, he’d shown up in the school's cafeteria. 

You could think of a million excuses for why you’d need to go into the cafeteria and it wouldn’t be weird. Just the thought of not coming off weird, while most certainly being weird, made you beam at your own creativity. 

You’d reached the last step and we’re crossing the field when you noticed, on the other side, the very boy you were looking for. He was alone and sitting under the shade of the only tree next to the amphitheater. His back against the bark and a knee drawn up to give his notepad a place to perch. Whatever he was writing, drawing, or formulating held his interest and refused to let him look up. 

All your previous bravado deflated in a second. It would be harder to deny you weren’t actively seeking him out if you went to him now. But, who said that you wanted too? 

Grabbing the strap of your book bag tight, you started back on your mission. Your legs made quick work across the field. It wasn’t until there was only a few feet left between you that he looked up. His brow still furrowed in tight creases of concentration as he decided if you were a friend or foe. Your feet almost tripped over themselves when he smiled at you. 

“Y/N!” He called happily. “What brings you over here?”

“I came looking for my snack.”

The surprise on his face made your bold choice of a response worth it. Jungkook, being who he was, quickly recovered and set his notebook and pencil down beside him. He placed his arms casually on his propped up leg and leaned forward as if he was about to tell you a secret. 

“Well, you found me. Why did you come looking for me? Really.”

You tried to think quickly of what to say. The idea of telling him the truth, that you’d just wanted to see him, felt painfully honest and might press him to ask for you to explain. How could you explain that in the short time you’d met him he was both the most interesting and infuriating man you’d ever met. But he was also the most beautiful, and had a delicate softness under his hard exterior that you were growing to love. He was basically the perfect description of the onion from Shrek. 

An idea clicked in your head and your hands quickly moved inside your bag and produced another brown bag. 

“I wanted to come see if you’d eaten. I had some spare kimchi rice ball’s my omma made.”

You extended the bag out to him. Your eyes locked together as you waited for him to either accept it or deny it. Jungkook surprised you by leaning forward and taking it gently from you. It took some effort, but he crossed his legs -his bad one in an awkward position - and plopped the bag down between his legs. 

You moved to sit beside him in the grass and took your book bag off your shoulder and into your lap. You watched as he moved to open the bag and peered cautiously inside. 

“It’s not a bomb,” you chided. 

“I never know with you.”

You rolled your eyes with a smile spreading like wildfire across your lips. Jungkook was so charismatic it felt inevitable and fighting against it was futile. He took a large bite of the rice ball and practically swooned. His eyes had fallen shut and a ridiculous chanting of endless “Mhm’s” had started rising up around you. 

“Should I leave you two alone?”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open and for a moment you were worried maybe you did pull him out of some weird food ritual. His eyes were blank and then, all at once, he was back to being his usual animated self. The hand that held the rice ball shaking in your direction before shoving what was left inside his mouth. 

“This is unbelievably delicious.” He mumbled around his food. “You said your omma made these?”

“Yup!”

You’d said it in English just to dramatically pop the P at the end. Extending out your own kind of dramatics to match Jungkook’s. You leaned your hands back into the grass and noticed Jungkook watch your every move as you did. 

“Is your omma married?”

Your face fell into a deadpan stare as you replied, “Seriously? Of course her and my appa are still married, you creep.”

“If you can cook like your omma, Y/N I’m willing to lend you my amazing tutoring services. All for the low price of making things as delicious as this.”

He was already mid-way through shoving the second rice ball in his mouth. His head tilted back to drop it down. A piece of rice must have dislodged itself from its balled shape, because he erupted in a coughing fit. You couldn’t help but laugh as you handed him your water. 

“I think I’ll steer clear of rice treats. Just to make sure you don’t kill yourself.”

Jungkook was about to lift the bottle up to his lips and stopped. His eyes falling on you with a playful glare. You held your hands up in mock surrender as you leaned forward. Your hands clap together to get pieces of grass and soil from your hands. 

While he drank the water you’d offered up the two of you fell into companionable silence. You didn’t mind waiting and Jungkook was happy that you did. When he’d finished with the bottle, he set it down beside him. His hand moving like a flopping fish in your direction to make you give him something that you’d had no idea he’d asked for. 

“Come on. Let’s see your math homework.” 

“For what?”

“To start your tutoring. Duh.”

You hated how cute he’d made the word sound. The way his lips smiled around it and left him beaming at you like a little kid on Christmas. 

“Can we pass? We just left the class and I hate math. A lot.”

Jungkook tsked you but didn’t look disappointed. 

“You can’t get better at something if you give up on it. Luckily for you, you’ve got the best person in the subject to tutor you.”

“For a fee,” you pointed out. 

“All the best things come with a price. I’m most definitely one of them. Now. Book.”

His hand movements were more controlled now. His fingers simply waved once -twice- for you to hurry it up and place what he’d asked in his hand. You really didn’t want any part of this. The thought was sweet, but when you said you hated math you meant it. So yeah, maybe you were grumbling a little as you reached inside your book bag and taking a little longer than was necessary to hand it over. 

Jungkook took it from you in one smooth motion and had it open to the spot previously in class. All your homework problems you’d left unfinished glaring against the white of the page. His eyes were already scanning over what little problems you’d written down. A clicking noise from his closed mouth reminding you why exactly you hadn’t finished more of it. The reason was sitting right in front of you. 

His hand flicked back out and he held it open. His eyes never lifted off the page as he demanded, “Pencil.”

“What the heck? Why am I supplying everything.”

“Cause I’m supplying myself,” he shot back. His hands taking the pencil you handed over to him. “Plus, I also can’t seem to find any in my bag.” 

“You didn’t even look.”

Jungkook gave a graceful shrug. His attention was fully engrossed in the problems. You weren’t ready for how cute he looked. How adorable those concentration creases in his forehead made him look, even deadly serious, with his fingers tapping the pencil absentmindedly on the paper. When he figured out what was missing from the equation he quickly erased and reconfigured everything on the page. 

You were staring intently at him, both because his angle’s were ridiculously handsome but also, the way the sun fell down on him here, peaking through the trees, felt like magic. It was hard to believe the universe was more than just molecules and that luck was thrown out randomly. If it was, maybe you’d caught some. 

Your thoughts were running wild and your concentration was no longer in the safe zone. Maybe that’s why when he finally looked up from the notebook and found you staring he’d smiled. Not his teasing one. Or the condescending either. This smile was soft like a secret, and directed only at you. \

“See something you like?”

His voice was gentle in his playfulness. As if he wanted to take the cautionary approach in case you were spooked. 

“Maybe I do.”

A smile of your own spread to match his and Jungkook wasn’t surprised. He was just happy, and it was a lovely sight to see. He looked away from you with his hand moving up to smooth out the hair on the back of his neck. He flicked the pencil down on the notebook and brought it forward for you to see. 

“Let’s get back to this. I’ll be honest with you. It’s pretty bad. You missed a whole line on the third problem that left you with an incomplete answer. Not to mention,” he lifted up the notebook and motioned towards the whole page, “Where is all the rest of the homework?”

Jungkook’s voice was filled with the beginnings of laughter. Not specifically towards you, but just the blatant fact you did not care. You gave him your best nonchalant shrug. In reality, you did care. It bothered you it wasn’t finished. 

Your fingers were digging in the grass and ripping some of it up and throwing it out into the field. 

“I had a hard time concentrating last night. Plus, if I’m being honest math has always been the hardest subject for me.”

“And that is why I’m going to help you.”

“For a fee,” you reminded him. 

“I’ll teach you the easiest way I know how to do these and I promise you, you’ll be flying through these problems in no time.”

The sincerity in his voice was evident. Jungkook really believed it and he wanted you to believe it too. You just couldn’t understand why and you found yourself speaking your mind. 

“Why are you wanting to help me?”

It was his turn to shrug his shoulders. His face went blank as he looked at you one last time before he looked away. Whatever he was looking at he wasn’t really seeing. He just needed someplace else to look than the person he was talking to you. You did it plenty of times yourself. 

Whatever he’d decided on to say had caused his shoulders to square. Determined that whatever he needed to say he would make sure it meant something. 

“I like spending time with you.”

The smile you’d worn completely shattered as you stared at him. The butterflies rushed up and up until they trapped themselves in your throat. Jungkook’s admission was basically three words dropped away from just saying he liked you. 

This surprising admission should’ve been enough to make yourself not care who you saw walking. Or care when he stopped, his small mob with him, and start gesturing at his imaginary watch. His fingers rubbing together for money owed. 

It was worse when Jungkook looked back and took notice. Even worse when he looked back at you with questions swirling in his eyes. 

“Everything okay?”

Your eyes looked down to the safety of your hands. The way they were helplessly fidgeting back in the grass and tearing it apart like a miniature tantrum was brewing inside you. You hated that after all this time, you let Lee Kwon upset you by making you feel embarrassed about your dad. That he felt the need to tell everyone the business deal between his father and yours. How every time he told it he’d turned him more and more into a villain of his own misfortune. 

Without a reason why you took back your notebook from Jungkook and shoved it inside your bag. You were ready to leave. You didn’t want to explain, but you knew Jungkook wouldn’t let you just leave without one. 

He reached out and his hand gently wrapped around your wrist to stop you. There was no force. Nothing that hinted that he would keep you there if you didn’t want to be kept. Looking at him felt harder. His genuine worry almost threatened to let the tears from your frustration spill forward. 

“Hey, Y/N, what’s wrong?”

You shook your head. Your vision dragging away from him and back to the retreating back of the sociopath, Lee Kwon. 

You didn’t try to shake him off. You actually felt comforted by his worrisome touch. The way he leaned in closer as if he would pull you into his arms at any moment. As much as you wanted that to happen, you knew it wouldn’t happen. A deep sigh had built up in your chest and you released it while you looked back at him. 

“Look. Eventually, I know you’re going to hear about it: my dad, I mean.”

“That’s kind of odd high school kids would talk about someone’s appa.”

“You and me both,” you agreed. “But Kwon’s dad is a banker who doesn’t believe in client confidentiality. So he tells his son about his day over dinner and-“

“And he decides to bring it to school to make your life miserable,” Jungkook finished for you. 

He understood and didn’t need you to simplify it anymore. His hand left your arm and you suddenly found yourself missing his comforting touch. It was still there, that comfort, in the way his eyes softened and he leaned in intent to listen to whatever you needed to get off your chest. You appreciated his attention, but also hated it at the same time. 

“What’s your Appa’s thing?”

God. He did understand. Maybe just a little too well for your liking. 

“Gambling. It started when I was in the seventh grade. At first it wasn’t anything too crazy. He’d always been able to even it out. But then he became obsessed with the idea of winning big. Kept betting on things we couldn’t afford to lose. Eventually, he bet too high and ended up losing the business he and my mom built together and our house. They had to pay the bank back.”

“A bank this dude’s Appa works at.”

“Correct. My Appa...he isn’t a bad man. He’s paid his debt and hasn’t gambled since. What good is it for me or anyone else to make him feel bad for the rest of his life?”

“I don’t get it. Why does that have to do with you, though?”

You’d wondered the same exact thing half of your adolescent life. You shrugged and looked at Jungkook wondering if maybe he’d be able to make sense of it better than you could. 

“Twelve year old boys enjoy making up stories. First it was that we became so poor we lived with pigs. That's why I smelled.”

You put air quotations around smelled and Jungkook practically howled with laughter. You tried your best to show no emotion, but could feel the corner of your lips threatening to curl into a smile. 

“He probably said it because you didn’t know how to wash back then and, judging from earlier, I still don’t think you do.”

You moved to playfully shove at his shoulder. A scoff of laughter leaving you even though you told yourself you wouldn’t. Jungkook was waiting for you to make a move and when you did he easily grabbed a hold of you. The feeling of intimacy, just like yesterday in the mud, was swimming back to the surface. 

Your eyes looked up into his with your laughter being met with a wide grin. The way he was looking at you now made you believe in fairytales and left your lips aching to be kissed. 

Before either of you could decide what to do next, the bell for the end of lunch sounded. You could hear it going off all around you, but still the two of you stayed holding each other. Your bodies close enough that if he wanted to make a move all Jungkook needed was to lean down. To say your heart dropped a little when he moved away was an understatement. 

You focused on getting up from the grass. Your hands patting down your uniform as you struggle to find something not so awkward to say. You wanted to sound confident. You wanted to sound like you weren’t affected by him at all. 

“Well, I’ll see you around.”

God, you sounded awkward. You turned to start heading to your next period. You closed your eyes tight and mouthed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” You’d gotten a few feet away when you heard him call to you. 

You turned to look back at him and found him still standing under the tree. His hands in his pockets and his eyes solely on you. 

“Would you let me walk you home?”

Did he really have to ask? You’d let him walk you to the edge of a volcano. You didn’t say that, however. You wanted to play it cool, but on the inside you were screaming. 

“I’d like that.”

When you turned back around to make your way to class, the memory of how his face had brightened at your reply, stayed with you. You couldn’t wait for the day to end. 

_________

True to his word Jungkook waited for you after school. You couldn’t help looking for him over the countless shoulders as you walked with the sea of students towards the entrance. The hole in the pit of your stomach opened back up from the underlying dreadful thought. That he wouldn't show up. You’d be left standing there waiting for him forever. But Jungkook continued to prove your pessimism wrong. 

The closer you got to the school’s gate, you were able to spot him instantly. He was leaning coolly against the gate. His bag at his feet and his cane positioned strategically out of view. If anyone just casually walked up, they would’ve never been able to tell he’d needed one. Maybe that was why he’d done it. 

He looked to be searching for someone in every face that passed him. It came to an end the minute his roaming eyes found you. No longer did he appear cool and composed. His body became animated with what you could only explain as a giddiness at your oncoming presence.

By the time you reached him, Jungkook was wearing his backpack on his shoulder and his cane in his hand. He was standing and waiting for you. The happiness at being next to you was intoxicating and you could only hope you looked the same. 

“It felt like I was waiting forever,” he admitted. 

The two of you started in sync out the gate and turned left onto the main road.

“It felt like an eternity just to get to you. I have Mrs. Chun’s chemistry class for the last period. The classroom is pretty far.”

“Mhm, like on a planet far far away.”

Your eyes rolled up to look at him. The affection you found in the warmth of his eyes was startling, but not a surprise. 

Your mom used to tell you to always be careful with smiling. It caused laugh lines. It helped make crows feet. That smiling was a woman’s secret enemy she never knew about when it came to aging. She told you over and over to be careful who or what you wasted smiles on. Smiling up at him now, Jungkook was definitely worth it just to see him respond with his own. 

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s only, like, one planet away.” 

A soft hush of laughter left him as he looked away. His gaze roaming around the street signs and their multiple names before looking back at you. 

“Are we going the right way to your place? I just realized I never even asked for your address.”

“Does it matter? I mean, with your leg and all.” You hated yourself for spoiling the moment by bringing it up. You knew it was a touchy subject when it came to his leg for Jungkook. So you weren’t surprised to see that spark of warmth fade ever so slightly from his face. His smile wilted at the edges of his lips before it all but disappeared. “You know I’m sorry I said anything. I shouldn’t have. I mean obviously you know yourself and your limits. You wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t able to do it.”

You were rambling. You were fidgeting and waving your arms around while you talked, because why not? You were doing everything else besides hyperventilating at this point. All you knew was that you felt like a jerk for even bringing it up. When all you wanted was to know he was okay. 

You were so lost in the space inside your head and worrying that you didn’t notice him laughing at you. You were mid-arm swing. Inhaling for another round of mouth babble to start asking for forgiveness when he waved for you to stop. A finger tip landing on your lips to quiet the words in your throat by shocking you into silence.

“You really don’t have to apologize so much, Y/N. It’s alright. I understand why you would ask.”

You were tempted to lick his finger away, but it felt too intimate. But so was a finger on the lips. Before you could decide your next move from your internal dilemma, Jungkook solved it for you. His finger detaching from your lips as quickly as it’d come.

“No, you don’t. I’m just worried about you. I know I should trust you to know yourself better, but-“ you did an over exaggerated shrug as you finished: “I’m a worrier.” 

“I’m flattered, I have you to worry over me.”

You knew he was teasing you and you couldn’t have been happier. You preferred it to making him sad. Plus, he was back to looking at you like you controlled the stars and oh, what a wonderful look it was.

“You should be. I’ve only got so much extra space up here.”

You tapped your head for added effect and were rewarded with a soft laugh that was followed up by a smile. God, you could get used to this. 

“I guess I need to work harder to take up more space.”

“Please, no. Let’s not do that. I need my sanity.”

You couldn’t believe you were doing so well at flirting. Usually, your sarcasm won out and you resorted to awkward winking, but this was definitely an improvement. 

“I’m not sure you have much of that left either,” he joked. 

You tried to hide your laughter with a scoff. You knew you were failing miserably at being offended. Your mouth fighting too hard to ward off a smile as you playfully bumped your shoulder into his arm. Jungkook was ready for you with his cane digging into the sidewalk to give him extra stability. 

“Ya, if I do finally go crazy it’ll be your fault, specifically.” 

“I think you’d have a hard time proving that in court. My counter argument would be pretty persuasive.” 

You looked at him in shock. 

“Court? Wow...that escalated quickly.”

Jungkook nodded his reply. He stopped in front of a bookstore and pointed at a manga in the window. You weren’t too familiar with the title, but it's a cover you’d seen plenty of. 

“It would happen as quickly as an infection from a zombie’s bite. It would seem all slow until suddenly you jumped up and tried to eat me.” 

You couldn’t keep the amusement off your face as you glanced at him and back down to the manga. A part of you wondering if it was one he’d read before or just wanted to use to make his point. 

“Question: why are we together during a zombie outbreak?”

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s because I’ll be walking you home. I’ll try and save you and while feeling all heroic about it, I won’t even realize you’d been bitten until it’s too late.”

The two of you moved away from the bookstore window and began to walk back down the sidewalk. Your mind trying to dissect what he was trying to say, but all it left you with was imagining a zombie version of you trying to take a bite out of him. 

“You must watch too much Walking Dead.”

“It’s a good show,” he shrugged. 

“Did you know that there’s actually a fungus out there that’s sort of like a zombie infection. It’s called Ophiocordyceps. It basically infects the host and within nine days of infection it takes control of the host's body movements.”

You were still walking and looking around while you spoke. Your fingers running gently over a row of gardenia’s that were planted in carefully placed pots in front of someone’s home. You were aware Jungkook had left your side by the sudden coldness of his absence. You turned to look for him and found him standing a foot away from you. A mixture of astonishment and amusement etched on his face. 

“Why do you know something like that? Actually, how do you know something like that?”

His eyes were dancing with curiosity as he moved to fall back into step beside you. 

“Let’s just say I like to read. I like strange things and facts. And science is full of both facts and strange things.”

With each small statement you held up a finger. When you ended on the third and final small fact about yourself, you wiggled all three fingers at him. The motion earned you a giant smile that only seemed to grow wider as his head shook slightly back and forth. 

“You are the strangest girl.”

“How am I strange?”

“You just told me about a body snatching fungus,” he chuckled. “What other girl is going to do that?”

Jungkook had a point. A very strong point. For all your new found confidence when it came to him, you couldn’t keep the heat from rushing to your face. Or the back of your hands from trying to hide it. 

“I would tell you to stop being embarrassed but it’s cute when you blush.” 

The two of you came to a complete stop at the crosswalk. The red light blinking to tell you two it wasn’t safe to cross. It felt like a weird metaphor for this moment in your life. 

Stop! Do not keep staring back at him as if he strung every star in the sky. Stop! Don’t continue to entertain the thought that he looked like he wanted to kiss you or that you desperately wanted to kiss him back. Stop! Even though you already knew it was too late. 

You had plans. It’d all been strategically mapped out in your head until you could read it forwards and backwards to yourself. Do your best to graduate high enough in the percentage range to get into a decent college. Get a degree for a job, it didn’t matter what it was, that made enough money to help your parents. For all your careful planning, none of it had included him and yet, the universe had you both standing at a stoplight looking at each other like there couldn’t be any other reality where you weren’t meant to end up right here. Standing at this exact light and looking at one another like no one else existed. 

Luckily, the light changed signaling for you to begin to cross. The mass of bodies that had accumulated behind you began to push you both forward and, reluctantly, broke your gaze free from him. Your brain was scrambling to pick up a conversation you weren’t sure how to resurrect. Your mind too busy daydreaming all the scenarios you would’ve taken in different realities if you were braver. Clearing your throat, you did your best to wipe the thought clean and focus on your current reality.

“If it makes you feel better,” you started your body turning to consider him as you spoke, “the study was only ever done on the tropical ants that resided in the forest. The actual effects and what it could do to humans has never been studied. Yet. But I’m willing to bet it would take longer than nine days for it to take hold of a grown adult's nervous system and larger batches.”

He was looking at you in inspired mock horror. You weren’t sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. Or if your unusual fact telling about zombie fungus had completely killed the mood. You got your answer in an excited hush of, “Holy shit it’s like you’re writing your own super villain backstory.” 

A smile erupted on your face as you playfully rolled your eyes away from him. It was hard to miss the mischievous glint in his eyes or the way his whole face still swam with the playfulness that lurked underneath his teasing. Jungkook was so alive. A force that required you to hang on or else you would get swept up in him without even realizing it’d happen. 

You wondered if this is what falling in love felt like. 

“I would make a terrible villain. I’m too clumsy,” you stated. Your weak attempt at downplaying yourself being met with a stern look. 

“How clumsy are we talking?”

“Hmm, I would say, ‘Kronk giving the llama potion to Kuzco,’ kind of clumsy.”

A hiss of air whistled between Jungkook’s teeth. A mock look of worry on his face as his hands moved to reposition his bag. 

“Can we call that clumsy, though?”

“What else would it be?” You asked. 

You could feel the lines grouping together in your forehead just trying to figure out what he was getting at. Jungkook didn’t seem to be in any rush to answer you. The two of you walking a few feet before he must have decided you’d waited long enough for him to reply. 

“I always thought Kronk was stupid throughout the whole movie, but really, he was just a good person. He’s a good guy tasked to do a bad thing and he just wants to make people happy. Even if it means doing the wrong thing.”

You wanted to ask if maybe he was talking more about himself than The Emperor’s New Groove at this point. He faced forward with his brow creased in deep thought and whatever it was that held his thoughts didn’t appear to be anything good. 

“Or,” you started, voice light enough to drag him out of his head, “it’s just a kids movie.”

Sure, Jungkook was looking at you, but he didn’t seem to actually see you. Somewhere inside his head, he was reenacting or seeing something that ate up all the sunshine that lived in his bones. It felt silly to feel a sense of panic about something that might not even be true. And yet, you couldn’t stop the awful thought that sadness was trying to make a home inside his soul. 

Without giving it another thought you reached up and pretended to wipe away a pretend rogue eyelash from his cheek. The suddenness of your fingers brushing on his skin jolted him from wherever his thoughts had held him hostage and back into the present. His eyes darted around your face and his own hand came up to gently take yours. 

“Sorry.” Your words came out breathy as you struggled not to focus on how he was practically holding your hand. “There was an eyelash. The wind must have blown it away.”

The earlier sadness that’d hollowed out his eyes was gone. What replaced it was one of knowing you weren’t telling the truth. His head tilted slightly down to inspect your empty finger of the proof you knew your words didn’t have whose eyes sparked with his usual teasing and something else. Something that left a different kind of heat flooding your cheeks. 

“I’m sure there was.”

Reluctantly, you removed your hand from his and continued to walk. It only took him a couple seconds to fall effortlessly into step beside you making you wonder if his leg was as injured as it seemed. 

A warm silence swelled around you as you continued to walk. A comfortable pace setting between you as he looked in the windows of every store you passed in between the changing streets. He never once asked if you were getting close to your home or how much farther it might be. It was like the moment on the back of the bus. The two of you enjoyed that the other was there without ever feeling the need to say it.

But you knew it was soon coming to an end. In only a few blocks, you’d be home and your fairytale moment would end. You were struggling on how to break this, more to yourself than Jungkook, when you noticed he pulled a Nikon camera from the side of his bag. He was squinting through the lens and taking photos of something up ahead. Of the landscape or the people and buildings that framed it you weren’t sure. 

He must have sensed your silent question as he snapped a few more quick photos before turning to acknowledge you. 

“Y/N, I have a serious question for you.”

It was hard to keep the amusement off your face as you both came to a stop. The place felt random, but it was anything but that to Jungkook. Whatever he saw in this space you both inhabited must have felt like magic to him. 

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Do you think we have enough time for me to take some photos?”

It felt like such an odd request. Why should anyone have to ask to do something that they loved? Jungkook didn’t fully say he loved doing it, but no one spent that much money on a nice camera if it wasn’t something they enjoyed doing. The look on his face was just an added bonus of proving your answer meant something. One that made you wonder why he felt like he needed your permission at all. And then it hit you: he wanted to stay in your company while he did it. 

You considered teasing him, but he looked too vulnerable standing there. You weren’t even sure if he was breathing. A pleading in his eyes that reminded you of a child asking a mother to go on just one more ride before they were forced to go home. You considered giving him the bad news that you had more than homework to do when you arrived home. But that could come another day. On this day, with him, you could spare an hour just to make him happy.

Instead of coming right out and letting him know you’d made up your mind, you decided to play coy. A soft, “Hmm,” hummed around you as you looked everywhere but him. Your index finger tapping on your lips for dramatic flare.

"Ok," You shrugged. "I think I have some free time I could spare."

His eyes squinted in question as you moved to stand in front of him. The movement simply to let a couple go by in peace, but somehow placed you closer in front of him. Jungkook’s gaze was roaming your face to find an answer to a question he hadn’t yet asked. 

“You planned on saying yes this whole time, didn’t you. You were just trying to make me suffer waiting for you to answer.”

You gasped in pretend shock and did your best not to smile at his accusations. By the growing smile on his face you knew you were failing miserably. 

“Me?! I would never do such a thing.”

“You’re secretly a sadist!”

Jungkook’s smile only widened as a scoff of disbelief passed from your lips. Your own smile grew to match his own when his hands lifted up his camera. Seconds later the sound of the shutter clicked and you felt your soul leave your body. The earlier playfulness was swiftly swept in your own dark cloud and the idea you probably looked hideous in that photo. 

“Oh god, Jungkook delete it,” you pleaded. 

Your hands were reaching out to grab tightly at this shirt. Your fingers curled in the white fabric until there was a small chance you could tear holes. The camera in question was being held far from your reach. His hand easily held it above his shoulder as he used one hand to steady you against him. You’d invaded his space without even realizing, but you had no time to be embarrassed. Not when he had a picture of you forever saved on that camera. 

“Why would I delete it?”

He was his usual amused self you could tell, but he wasn’t egging you on. His question was out of curiosity. His own eyes brimming with it as you considered keeping one hand tightly wound in his shirt and the other to jump up and reach for the camera. 

“Because Jungkook I’m not cute. You’ll be lucky if it doesn’t ruin the camera.”

All his earlier playfulness drained from his face and what was left made you instantly feel like you were about to be scolded. His hand that had firmly planted itself on your hip was achingly apparent now as his fingers gripped you closer to him. Your own awareness at how close you actually were to his chest made your lips feel dry. Your tongue flicked out to wet them and god, it took everything in you not to focus on the fact his eyes had followed the movement. 

“Y/N, why would you say that? You shouldn’t let anyone talk down about you, and you shouldn’t do it to yourself either. You’re beautiful.”

He spoke like it was a fact. A statement that not just the two of you knew, but the universe did too. And what were you supposed to say back? While you were held captive to the thought he was still looking from you to your lips. The determination for you to understand his words and believe them setting soft lines in his face. You tried to keep looking at him, but under his watchful gaze you couldn’t keep yourself from fidgeting. Your eyes moved down the line of his body until it landed on the tops of your shoes. 

You weren’t sure what to say back. Thank you didn’t fit here. It didn’t feel like a moment where he was trying to boost your confidence the way a friend did. This felt more like someone who noticed something in you while you hadn’t been looking. 

So instead of saying anything remotely clever back you began to dislodge yourself from him. Your hands releasing their hold on his shirt and forcing his hand off of your hip. Standing there with only inches between you, your body was achingly aware that his hand was gone. It’s weight leaving a burning of longing to have it back forced your hands into your pockets and your body turning away from him. You waited for him to start moving back down the road. The motion forced him to either join you or stay where he was. 

“We should get going before we run out of time.”

You hated yourself for dismissing him. For not being bolder like you’d promised yourself earlier in the day. It would’ve been the perfect time to thank him. To tell him how you were pretty sure there wasn’t a soul on earth more attractive than him, but that what made him beautiful is what he refused to let people see. The soft tone of his voice still singing along to the songs on the back of the bus had ended up being an unspoken lullaby when you’d gone to sleep. 

A part of you considered turning on your heel and telling him this. To tell him that you saw him; actually saw him for who he was and not who he felt like he needed to be. But you just kept moving forward and weren’t surprised when Jungkook found a steady rhythm back beside you. 

The both of you stayed quiet. This time it felt more forced than the easiness of earlier. Like the two of you had so many missed starts at creating a conversation that neither of you could understand why it ended.

You watched him as he focused on the area around him. His camera training on an old couple who sat waiting for the next bus. The husband had clutched his wife’s arm close to his side. In his hands he was peeling what appeared to be an orange and with each freshly peeled slice, he gave one to her and one to himself. No one knew what they were conversing about, but it didn’t matter. To them, they were the only two people there. The wholesomeness of the moment made you wonder what they were like back in their youth. 

You listened to the flutter of the shutter click repeatedly. His hand twisting on the lens to bring it in and out of focus, while he himself remained deadly focused on capturing their moment in time. You were curious how the photos would turn out in the end and wished there was a way to show them how their love translated on film. 

You were in the middle of watching Jungkook turn his attention to a couple birds inside a cherry blossom when he spoke.

“Thank you for agreeing to walk with me while I do this.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Jungkook.”

A sad smile curled his lips as he dropped his camera down in front of him. His thumb skimmed over the buttons to quickly go through what he’d previously taken. The last one he landed on made his entire face light up and you felt a pang of jealousy at what it could be. How you wish he would look at you like that. 

“Maybe, but I feel like I do. Ever since my accident, my appa hasn’t been able to force me into things. For once, I get to just do what I want. Sucks it only had to cost me a friend and a leg to get some freedom.”

Your feet had carried you to the next stop sign. The sudden halt in moving forced you to look at him, really look at Jungkook, like you’d never seen him before. 

He wasn’t looking at you now. His ears a screaming red while his fingers danced over every part of the camera. His eyes roaming over its edges and flicking too fast through pictures to actually even be looking at them. For the first time since you’d met him Jungkook was scared to look at you. Scared for what you might see if you did. 

Looking at him now, you couldn’t have been happier to indulge him. You’d indulge him for the rest of your life if he’d let you. 

“Well, I’m happy to be of service.”

You mentally smacked yourself at your choice of words. Jungkook, however, was backing to his beaming self as he finally glanced in your direction. His eyeing ate up your embarrassment as it was your turn to face forward. Your feet hopping in place as you waited for the light to flash it was okay to walk. 

“I’m supposed to be at physical therapy right now.”

“Wait, what?”

The light was flickering finally for you to all move. Your feet moved to carry you forward unintentionally, just to keep with the flow of traffic, as Jungkook gave you a small shrug for an answer. 

“Did you say you were supposed to be at physical therapy?”

Another shrug and another long pause with no answer. It seemed he had been waiting for you to round the corner onto a quieter pedestrian free street before he replied, “After school. I have appointments almost everyday and I never go.” 

“But why? It’s meant to help you get better, isn’t it?”

“Get better to do what, exactly?” He huffed. Jungkook’s entire body took on a broodier tone. His cane practically dug small holes with each press into the pavement. “Who even says that I can get better?”

“Well, doctors for one,” you pointed out. “I’m sure they wouldn’t have signed you up for it if they didn’t believe you could get better.” 

“If I was going to get better it would’ve happened already.”

It felt like walking on eggshells. This side of Jungkook was the boy you’d met on his first day of class. His guarded demeanor up on high alert, as he kept his gaze stoically forward and his chin held high. 

“You’re not an idiot, Jungkook. You know injuries take time to heal from. It doesn't just magically happen overnight.”

“Who says that I want to get better?”

The coldness in his words forced your legs to stop working. Your feet were unable to move as he continued to push on ahead of you. His own movements became slower now as the long walk was beginning to take its toll on his leg. He knew you weren’t beside him anymore and still he tried to keep pushing forward, before eventually he had no other choice but to turn around. 

The look on his face was as defiant as ever. Underneath that defiance was a sadness so raw you only wanted to reach out and hold him. If just to remind him that he was seen and that his pain mattered.

That’s when the realization hit you.

“Unless you feel like you deserve this.”

The stone façade he’d worked so hard to create in the past few minutes began to chip. His eyes being the first to show by the soft uprising of tears that you were right. Somewhere deep inside Jungkook believed that he deserved what happened to him. That this was punishment for losing a friend at his own hands, even if it wasn’t his fault to begin with. 

The tears that threatened to spill never did, but they were there. They floated dangerously at the surface of Jungkook’s control and he refused to let go. The rawness of his pain hit you and all you wanted was to help ease it. You weren’t sure if he would accept any kind of affection, even in a small hug. So your only option was to move closer to him. As close as he would allow without pushing you away. 

With each step you could see his jaw clenching tighter; pulsing like he was fighting from saying something wicked to send you skirting back. He was just as afraid of what you were about to do as you were at being the one to do it. 

When the tips of your shoes nudged against his you drew your eyes up until they landed on his. A spark of something; fear or uncertainty, flashed in his eyes. Was he expecting you to be cruel? To yell at him to stop being a child and to grow up? How much had he already heard those words shouted by adults? How long had he been standing there like this, in a world full of grief, and no one there to pull him out to breathe before the next wave suffocated him once more. 

You weren’t sure if it was you or if what you said would matter, but it was important he heard it. It was important he knew that this was okay too. 

“You got to forgive yourself sometime, Jungkook.”

The words themselves were simple. Simple and spoken between you as if there was a secret meant only for the two of you to hear. All you really wanted was for him to feel the sincerity of your words for him to know it was okay. Okay to feel sad, unsure, and helpless at times when all the world felt against you. It was okay to not know your first steps and okay to take those first steps when you were ready. Eventually, we needed to forgive, if only to give ourselves the chance to heal and move on. 

His gaze was still misty with unshed tears and still they refused to fall. The pain and defiance that had turned his features harsh began to soften. All that hardness he struggled to keep himself in and others out was beginning to fade and the only thing left was him. All that sunshine that you’d seen lived in his smile and echoed in his laughter that crinkled in the corners of his eyes. The way he cared for others and making them feel cared for. The softness of his singing and the way he eagerly filmed people at their most vulnerable: at their most beautiful. 

It was at this moment you felt your universe shift and tip until it realigned itself. With your fingers back to holding the edges of his shirt it took everything in you not to close those final inches and hug him. Jungkook closed that distance for you instead. 

His lips crashing down on your cheeks causing a soft squeak of surprise to push free from your lips. A chuckle came as he came back into view and your mind struggled to comprehend what happened. 

It wasn’t a kiss on the lips but…

“Did you just kiss my cheek?”

Your hand was up to the aforementioned spot. A wicked smile wiping away all of his sadness until you weren’t sure if it had been real at all or if you’d imagined it. 

“I could kiss your lips if you’d like that instead.” 

If your cheeks could get any hotter you could’ve fried food on them. You felt a surge of disappointment when Jungkook took a reluctant step back from you as his eyes dropped to check the time on his phone.

“As much as I hate to say this: I have to go.”

“All of the sudden you have to go,” you huffed. 

Your words felt brave, but inside your heart was thundering wildly against your chest. 

“I could stay if you want?”

Smoother than expected, Jungkook slid his way back to you. His chest bumping against you making you lose your footing just enough that it forced you to grab on to his shirt. Jungkook’s own hand had moved behind your back to steady you and bring you closer to him all at once. 

You playfully smacked his chest and earned a soft laugh from him. Unfortunately, you found yourself peeling away from him. Your hands grasping at the strap of your bag to keep them from reaching back out for him. 

“Not a chance.”

Your reply earned a playful pout from him as he started walking backwards away from you. 

“I’ll remember that, Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and turned around to start walking the rest of the way home. You didn’t get more than a few feet before he called back to you. Your eyes found him instantly in a crowd of people that continued to pass in front of him.

“I forgot to ask: what’s your number!”

He held up a pen expecting you to come back to him and write it down presumably on his arm or hand. You didn’t see any paper and could only assume. You knew it was all just a ploy to get you to come to him. The knowledge evident by the wicked grin on his face. 

“You’re a math wiz, right?” Jungkook was perplexed for a second before you started reciting your number as loud as you were willing to shout it. The wind blew it away as he no doubt struggled to listen. 

“Wow! What a way to play dirty.”

“If it’s meant to be you’ll figure it out.”

And maybe that was true. Maybe you both had a chance to write your own love story like from the movies and shows you used to watch with your mom. Like Rose and Jack from Titanic or Ross and Rachel...okay...maybe more like Chandler and Monica. Or maybe you were an idiot and should’ve just gone and wrote it down. It was too late now as he was already on the other side of the street. 

You were ready to walk the rest of the way kicking yourself for being so lame when you heard him call your name again. When you turned you didn’t expect him to be trotting across the road. You didn’t expect him to stop in front of you and give you another quick kiss on the cheek, this one gentler than before, with every fiber of your body remembering just how soft his lips felt. 

“I could fall in love with you, ya know.”

You watched as in the same breath he hopped back across the street and couldn’t help but think you already had. 

————-

Later that night you were snuggled up inside the sheets of your bed. The only thing sticking out was the current book you were reading and the top of your head. 

You hadn’t heard from Jungkook the rest of the day. Your heart hammered inside your chest every time your phone chimed with a new message only to deflate when you realized it wasn’t him. You loved your friends and all, but they weren’t who you’d been looking forward to all evening. 

Maybe you should’ve just gone to him and written down your number. Like a normal human being would’ve done. You just had to be clever and yell it out like a lunatic. For all you knew, you could end up with a random stranger texting you at all hours. 

Your current book that you were supposed to be reading but couldn’t really read because you couldn’t focus was now face planted onto your nose. A soft groan echoing into its pages as you fought not to close it and throw it somewhere in your room. You were a hundred percent sure you’d read the same sentence a few dozen times at this point. 

In the morning, you decided, you most definitely were just going to write it down. Like a sane person would’ve done. You closed your book and placed it down beside you. Your eyes roaming up to stare at your ceiling and wondering if you were ever actually going to go to sleep when your phone chimed off. 

You weren’t in any hurry to look. It could just be your parents from the restaurant making sure you were in bed. It could be one of your friends asking about making plans this weekend. It was probably still everyone but Jungkook and yet…

Your curiosity got the better of you. You shuffled inside your comforter, reached an arm out to grab your phone from the nightstand, and quickly pulled it back inside. You waited for your facial ID to unlock the screen to see who or what you’d received. Your own mind hyping up the suspense of the moment until it read over a reminder text from your dad about your chores for the upcoming weekends. 

You hated you’d let yourself have even a glimmer of hope. It was official. You’d ruined your chances when it came to giving out your number. A groan was creeping its way up your throat as you quickly sent back a text. You knew your chores took over almost every weekend. Even when you’d made plans with friends, you’d ended up never going. 

As soon as you’d hit send you were rolling over to put your phone back on your nightstand. The shrill sound of pinging messages stopped you cold. There was no way your dad had learned to text back that fast. You laid yourself flat back against the mattress and brought the phone to hover above your face. 

Y/N?

Is this the right number finally? 

Hello?!!

If this is the wrong person, I’m sorry. I swear I’m not crazy. Just looking for a girl. 

Your heart leapt into your throat. It was beating so hard you were scared it would burst from your chest. Your eyes were still skimming over the line of text messages when another one sounded. You were so caught up in reading the next line you weren’t aware your clammy fingers had let the phone slip and it crash landed down on your face. 

“Ooow!”

One hand scrambled to pick it back up off your face, while the other massaged the now swelling brim of your nose. 

How many people have you texted before me?

There wasn’t a need to send a hi. To give him a coy response to continue to tease him or make him believe he’d gotten it wrong again. Your curiosity at the desperate way he seemed to have been looking for you was endearing. The thought that he’d spent so much time sending out random messages for a response, no matter how crazy he looked, felt silly but cute too. 

Jungkook thought you were worth the trouble. 

OH MY GOD IS IT REALLY YOU?! And maybe like... seventeen. 

You snuggled deeper into your comforter as a soft giggle joined the growing smile across your face. 

I’m sorry I should have just wrote it down when you offered the pen lol

It definitely would’ve made it a lot easier.

You’d asked yourself that question all evening while you’d waited for him. You bit your lips as your fingers hovered over the keyboard. Unsure if you should take the chance and tell him. 

“Screw it,” you whispered as you typed. 

Took you long enough. I’ve been waiting forever. 

Well, I’m sorry to keep you waiting. This girl thought it was a good idea to shout random numbers at me 😅😂.

Your head was shaking as you tried to figure out something witty to say. You couldn’t believe you were here. Inside your comforter cave smiling at your phone like a lunatic and wondering if maybe Jungkook was doing the same. Or what was he even doing? You were getting ready to type out that exact question when your phone pinged to life. 

So, ugh, on to more important matters. It read. I was thinking about your love of random facts and I think I got one for you. 

Ooooooo kekeke this should be good 

Do you want to know it or not? 

Okay okay! Lol please tell me Kookie

You could practically feel him screaming through your phone as a sideways glance emoji was sent back in a long lined response. You wondered if you’d completely ruined his fact telling when your phone went off. 

I found this article that said the chances of finding your soulmate out of 500,000,000 people was impossible. But, if you just place it to where you are, to your age group, and timing it narrows it down to a 1 in 10,000 chance. What I’m trying to get at is...I think your my 1 in 10,000

You read the message on repeat. Over and over until you were sure you’d practically memorized it front and back. You wanted to ask him for his source material. Where such an article could exist. None of that really mattered to you and how could it? 

You must have spaced out because you never sent him a reply. Your thoughts were still spinning in a world all their own as you wondered if he was sitting at his desk doing homework or lying in bed. If he was inside or outside and what had made him so brave to send that message: believing you felt the same. 

The vibration of the phone brought you back down to earth. You expected to see question marks or another line of, “Hello?” To have left him on read. Instead, the only thing that greeted you was a simple, Goodnight, Y/N. 

This time there was no hesitation from you. 

Goodnight, Jungkook

See you in the morning ?

His text felt so hopeful. A silent undertone that if you said no there was a chance you’d break him. You bit your lip as you thought about what this meant. The beginning of small promises that eventually grew into bigger ones. 

I’ll meet you at the gate

You both finished up with another round of good night’s that felt like the embarrassing texting equivalent of “no you hang up! No you!” And placed your phone back on your night stand. It took forever for the sandman to finally claim you. Your dreams consisting of the magic of being Jungkook’s 1 in 10,000. 

[muddshadow]

find the word tag (again)

more words yehaw!! Many thanks to @yejiwritesthings and @the-void-writes !! next i’m lassoing @tc-doherty , @zmwrites​ , @thetruearchmagos​ , @baroquesse​ , @akindofmagictoo​ , and anyone in the crossfire!! Track down these words... KIND , MISS , REALIZE , SAME , SHOULD .

all excerpts from at the bottom of the waterfall

RHYTHM //

“Oh. Yes.” They suffered a terse silence, Ysabelle resistant to nostalgia and Louis quite lost in it, but the aching in his expression spoiled her immunity for a moment. “You know,” Ysabelle cleared her throat, losing her rhythm and fighting awkwardness, “I actually stole the idea.”

Louis furrowed his brow.

“Yes. Shamelessly. But I was the clingy younger sister, and Seraphine graduated to magi years before I managed it. Naturally, I had to do everything the same way she did. I don’t know if she minded. Your mother was…” Ysabelle struggled to find a word.

When she couldn’t, Louis said, “You never talk about her.”

ROAR //

“I found something.”

Lo didn’t reply. They’d dissolved into fog. Dissolved into the spell.

“I found something,” she said again. Her revelation tasted like ash. “A, a patch of it, maybe, I think just across the river.” Black spots hovered her vision, so Ysabelle closed her eyes. “It’s small. I could, I could purge it from here. It hasn’t noticed me. I could…” She reached again—

Every choice you make belongs to us.

Immediately and relentlessly, Ysabelle roared into her Spark.

RACE BRACE //

Louis snorted. “And what the fuck do you expect to teach me?”

Fabian didn’t seem overly phased by the bite of the remark. “You were curious on the subject, and I wanted to show you. What you learn is up to you.”

“So, this is charity work?”

Then Fabian braced his jaw, and Louis caught the first glimpse of a motive, carefully guarded in the shade of his eyes. Fabian tried to answer, but he perhaps ran out of fancy words and long-winded distractions because he abandoned the effort and asked instead, “And what do you think this is?”

ROAM //

The door swooped open under his knuckles. Louis blinked to Fabian’s glowing smile and enthusiastic eyes. He was either coming home or leaving, dressed in a fitted jacket and sturdy shoes, a satchel hanging loose from his shoulder.

“Louis! I’m thrilled you decided to visit! Or, if you believe in fate, I would say you’re here right when you were meant to be. So, are you ready to go?”

It took a moment to overcome his bewilderment. “Um, go where?”

“To the chasms, of course! Nothing serious, just a bit of mild roaming. I’m returning this evening. And I encourage you to join me!”

“Right—right now?”

“Don’t gawp! You have everything you need—a strong heart and a good pair of shoes. Though, I’d usually recommend a hat to spruce up the image... but no worries. I’ll buy you one when we get there.” Fabian locked the door using a key around his neck. “Well? Would you like to come?”

RASH //

One moment shuffling around near the windows, Ysabelle appeared two steps down like a gentle breeze. She caught the slip of paper midair and then caught his gaze.

“Why are you so eager to travel south?”

Louis scoffed. “I think it’s obvious.”

“Obvious? Yes. And unoriginal.”

“My home is buried there.” He refrained from adding a cruel name. “Of course I want to go back.”

“To nothing? To a soiled memory?”

Louis glared at her. He had nothing to say. This conversation was familiar.

“Hm.” Ysabelle tapped the list to her chin. “If you’re so eager to explore the chasms, then I have empty luggage in the closet. But that’s a rather rash decision, given you’ll likely die there.”

GARDEN //

“And—” But Ysabelle cut herself short, something rarely done, and released her grip on the door handle. Frozen on her doorstep, she paused for a long, lingering moment, long enough to be sure. “Someone was here,” she uttered at last.

“Who someone?”

“I don’t know who someone. Someone not welcome. A nosy stranger, or another solicitor. You know I’m getting more long-winded letters from our darling archmagi. Three years later, and she stills thinks I give a damn about politics.”

Content with ignoring her, Lo peered over Ysabelle’s shoulder and considered the door. They had a soft face and smooth features, fluid and fluctuating and never quite the same between glances, but that was the nature of wisps. Lo was mostly mist and only a danger to her garden, and they seeped like a rolling fog over her coat sleeves.

ROSE //

Louis cringed, convinced it was a polished performance, and he really didn’t want to chat with two shopping bags crooked in his elbows. “Magi Lavonde is available through appointment only,” he tediously recited. “And she’s never interested in political solicitations, so if that’s your angle…”

“No, you misunderstand! I’ve a query for you.”

“Well, I don’t talk to strangers. Go away.”

The stranger chuckled. He removed his tall, pointed hat and swept it to his chest in a bow. Louis thought it was sarcastic until the stranger rose and gave himself a proper name and prestigious magician title.

“Fabian Daye?” Louis echoed. He narrowed his eyes. “Why does that sound familiar?”

DIRT // PLANT //

Ysabelle stood over the withering creature with ruthless eyes. “It’s here in this forest. Tell me where.”

“You ssearch for a monster living in your head.”

Ysabelle tightened her grasp, and all the plants around them sagged. The wisp gurgled on another insult.

“Tell me where.”

“Releassse me,” they choked.

Cold strangled her thoughts. Her breath frosted around her lips. Ysabelle chipped together an intention and fed the hate in her stomach.

But then the wisp said, “You could never find it anyway, corpsse. It already knowss you. It knowss your heartbeat. And it knowss your dirty, traitor friend too.” The wisp glanced around for Lo, but the coward was hiding as usual. “Jusst die and ssave it the trouble.”

[wxndswept]

The Road to Sumeru(Pt.1)

“Are you okay, Moon? I’m not going back down into the Chasm, just crossing it to get to Sumeru.” Yuuki stared quietly at the Ruin Blade before tapping it to the Waypoint at the cave entrance. 

"Stop asking me stupid questions." The sword glowed as it's AI snapped back at Yuuki. "As if I'm going to let your defeat shake me." Moon made herself seen as Yuuki nearly tripped over a stone. "You on the other hand, have not fully recovered from that scuffle."

"I'm fine, just my leg is a little sore." Yuuki smiled as Moon frowned at her. "Why, you worried about me? Or are you just concerned that I might collapse before finding your other cores?" Moon simply grumbled in response, bringing a laugh from Yuuki. “Come on, aren’t we at least partners?” She turned and held up the sword. “Partners in destiny, travelling around Teyvat and trying to uncover its secrets and complete one of them?” With a dramatic tone, Yuuki spun in a circle before pointing the blade at Moon. “With a surprising defeat behind them, they begin part two of their incredible journey across the land, starting in the forests of Sumeru! Will the ancient AI come around to enjoying the company of her partner? Or something like that?”

“Ugh, will you just shut-” The duo looked over to just barely see someone barrel right past the two of them, knocking Yuuki over and passing right through Moon. “Ugh, what a rude human!” 

"Hold on, that was Amber! What the heck is she-" Yuuki stopped, catching a glimpse of someone what sprinting by her. In pursuit of the blonde from the look of it. Before saying anything else, she held out an arm, stopping the stranger in their tracks. "Hey, you know it's not cool to-" The stranger ran right into Yuukis arm, falling over to the ground and scrambling back to her feet an instant later.

"FOOL!" Yuuki flinched at the sudden outburst, her jaw dropping as she got a good look at the girl in front of her. Nearly identical to Amber, aside from her pale complexion and hair. Before her thought finished, the girl slapped her hand. "Out of my way!" She pushed past Yuuki, breaking into a run again to try and catch up to Amber, who had vanished into the forest. "Damnit!"

"Wha... hey, hold on!" Yuuki took after her. "Are you... Amber's sister or something?! Why are you chasing her?!" Slowing her pace a bit, the girl turned her head toward Yuuki and said nothing, her stoic expression hiding what she was thinking. “Does this have something to do with her memories?” That made her halt. Yuuki slid to a stop behind her. "Amber's been talking about how much she wants to find out who she really is. Why is she running from you?"

“You know of her amnesia?” Though the expression on her face didn’t change, she could see her visibly relax a little. “I never thought that this is how we would be reunited...” With a sigh, she placed a hand over her chest. “I am Morgan. The twin sister of Blair. After being separated for so long, I have finally found her. But... she flees from me. I do not know why. And now thanks to you, I have lost her again." Morgan turned and started walking in the direction Amber was going.

Yuuki scratched her cheek, frowning. "Uh, sorry, I guess. When I saw her running from you, I kinda assumed the worst." Yuuki resumed following, trotting to keep in line aside the girl. "But now that I think about it, it was kind of weird that she didn't even acknowledge me."

"It's most likely because you reek of The Abyss." The image of Moon came from behind Yuuki, causing Morgan's eyes to widen for a second. "For all we know, you are a Lector disguised as this Morgan, and Amber has seen through it." Before Morgan could retort, Moon continued. "Don't bother lying. Every one of those Mages and Heralds gives off a similar energy."

Morgan stared daggers at Moon, but to Yuuki, she seemed more annoyed that she had to continue the conversation than angry at the hypothesis. She herself couldn't feel this aura, but the AI was never wrong before. "I do not associate with that group." Morgan said simply. "But you are correct. I have been to the Abyss. It was when I... fell in many years ago that I was separated from Blair. It wasn't until I found a way to Inazuma that I..." She scoffed and turned again. "I don't have time for this." She started walking at a brisk pace, with Yuuki following once again.

"Wait, hold on!" Morgan didn't stop this time. "Let me help you find her!" She moved in front of the smaller girl, who only responded with a curt 'why?' as they came to a stop. "Well... let's say you're trying the truth. I know Amber well enough that she really wants nothing more than to find out where she came from, and that she was acting weird when she passed by earlier. Also, I've seen you before too. Not to mention..." Yuuki looked Morgan over. "I've seen you before too. On the Tsurumi and Seirai islands. You told visitors about the dangers of Seirai, and keeping the spirits of Tsurumi safe and at peace. Between keeping that huge wolf creature at bay and keeping that graveyard clean. I'll choose to believe you. Mostly because I want to help Amber."

Morgan was silent for a moment, looking around the forest and back at Yuuki, eying her closely. “Hmph. I do not need...” She sighed deeply, putting two fingers to her forehead and rubbing. “Very well. If you see her, then tell her... tell her...”

“If I see her, I’ll try and explain things to her. And ask her to stay in Sumeru City, how does that sound?” Yuuki said. “If I know her, she’d be headed towards any kind of civilization for food and whatnot. Your best bet would be either there or the port further south.”

“Then I will head south.” Morgan said, turning around once more. “If you find her, please tell her that I am searching for her and mean her no harm. I only want the truth.”

“Yeah, of course. Then if I see her, I’ll guide her to the port. And if you see her, tell her you met Yuuki. That’s me. Maybe she won’t be so quick to flee if she’s aware that we spoke.” 

“Thank... you.” Morgan gave a quick nod. “Thank you, Yuuki. I am glad that Blair knows someone like you. However, if I find out you are lying, I will kill you where you stand.” With that, she turned and ran off once more, leaving Yuuki chuckling to herself. 

“And why are you so keen on helping these two?” Moon asked once Morgan was out of earshot. Yuuki turned and faced the open Sumeru forest before them. 

“Well to help Amber, for one. I did promise her that a while ago. Buut, I think that something important happened to those two. Whether it has something to do with you, those people that were in the Chasm, or something else, I don’t know. But I for one am curious to get to the bottom of it, because between Amber’s amnesia and the feeling you get from her and Morgan, something big happened. But right now, we should focus on finding Amber. She’s lost in a new place and is probably freaking out.”

“Fine.” Moon vanished, cutting her form away as Yuuki set off along the road. ”I suppose you do have a point. Just don’t forget your own goal, my partner in destiny.” 

"Ha! I knew you liked that! Come on, let's head for the city! We spent so much time talking that there was no chance to take in our surroundings!

[craziest-in-the-guild]

Resolute

Chapter 2 of the Long Night series

Content Warnings: 18+ for some adult themes (still not to the smut, but were headed there) Nightmares/post traumatic stress

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: Although this is reader x rex, I couldn't help but make reader a red head. Hope that's ok. Is it dyed? Natural? You decide!

I said goodbye to Kix and handed over his care to my coworker. His ankle was broken in two places, and while it wasn’t bad enough for surgery, it would be soaking in bacta for several hours. I had given him some pain meds and told him to enjoy his rest.

I hated to leave him, but I needed to go home and get ready to ship out in the morning. I needed rest myself, but I knew there was no way I was going to sleep. How could I sleep? I was never meant to be on the battlefield.

_____________________________

Rex headed back to the barracks to tell his men about Kix and their new medic. Kix had assured him that he thought she would be able to handle the stress of a war zone. He hoped for her sake that he had made the right decision.

“Where’s Kix?” Jesse asked as soon as Rex came through the door.

“Kix broke his kriffing ankle and won’t be shipping out with us.”

“Who’s going to be our medic?” Fives asked, “Surely not one of those kriffing med droids!”

“I found a replacement. You know the medic from medbay that patches you all up when you are too drunk from 79’s or hurt from a fight? She is coming with us.”

“HER?” They all asked, surprised.

“Yes, her,” a weary Rex responded. “Kix said he wanted her to be his replacement, and I want you all to make her feel welcome. Afterall, she may save your hide out there.”

______________________

Maker, I had just closed my eyes when my alarm started blaring. The room was cold and my covers were nice and toasty, killing any will I might have had to get up. Why is a bed the most comfortable right when you have to leave?

I grumbled, threw back the covers, and headed to the fresher. I indulged myself, heating the water until it was steaming. I didn’t know how the showers were aboard light cruisers, but I was betting they weren’t this good. My self indulgence couldn’t last too long, or else I’d be running late. Begrudgingly, I turned the water off.

I heard a knock at my apartment door and wondered who it could be at this early hour. I slid on my robe and went to investigate.

“Captain, what are you doing here so early? Am I late?” I crossed my arms to ensure my robe stayed closed, feeling slightly awkward in front of the captain. It didn’t help that he was so handsome. I could feel my cheeks flushing.

“No, I just wanted to come get you so we could go to the quartermaster’s and make sure you have everything you need.”

He handed me a pair of blacks to put on. I was a little confused as blacks were what the troopers wore under their armor.

“Oh, ok, um, do you want to come in while I finish getting dressed?”

The captain seemed surprised that I invited him in. We both stood still in the awkward silence for a moment, both presumably exhausted and not firing on all cylinders. I could see the dark circles under his eyes that indicated he hadn’t slept either. I wondered if he ever really slept.

“I have fresh caf brewing,” I offered.

Fresh caf was enough to lure him in. I brought him a steaming hot cup and then headed to the fresher to get dressed.

“We’re going to outfit you with clone armor for this mission, that’s part of why I’m here early. I wanted to have enough time to get you fitted and dressed. We aren’t used to fitting armor to a woman” Rex said.

“I’d say not. Do you think there will be enough room in the chest?” I quipped. With that, I heard Captain Rex choke on his caf and go into a coughing fit.

“Sorry!” I yelled from the fresher. I could only imagine the look I was getting.

I came out of the fresher to find the Captain as composed as ever. You would have never known that he nearly suffered death by witty comment and hot caf five minutes earlier.

Captain Rex stood and moved to the door, “Ready?”

I grabbed my bag, stepped into the hallway, and paused to look at my small apartment, wondering if I’d ever see it again.

_______________________________________________

We arrived at the quartermaster’s to find a shiny new set of armor sitting on the counter. I immediately grabbed the helmet to try it on, only to find it to be too big. As I turned my head, it shifted from side to side. I couldn’t help but giggle a little, feeling like a child stealing their dad’s helmet. The captain cracked a smile.

“I think you need some extra padding,” he said as he took the helmet off my head. He added a few more pads to help tailor the fit. There hadn’t been time to get me a custom helmet.

“Oh, that’s much better”

“Are you ready to quit playing and try the rest on?” Rex asked with a small smile.

“Go ahead and put on the bottom half, then I’ll help you with the top half”.

The boots fit much better than the helmet. The codpiece was a little awkward, but I figured I’d get used to it, or at least use it to make obscene jokes.

“Here, let me help you with the back plate and breast plate, they’re a bit difficult until you get used to them.”

He snapped on the abdominal plate and then the breast and back plates. He stood behind me, adjusting everything. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, and it was sending small shivers down my spine. The Captain was quiet and I yearned to break the silence, but didn’t know what to say.

“Captain-“

“Please call me Rex.” It was nearly a whisper. This sent even more shivers down my spine. Did he know what he was doing to me?

The moment- was it a “moment”?- was shattered.

“Hey! Red on the head, fire in the bed!” Fives hollered from across the room.

I laughed and rolled my eyes back as far as they would go.

He had called me that one night in med bay when he had been brought in, half passed out from a night at 79’s. One look at my red hair, and he’d uttered the phrase that had basically become my nickname. He said it to me every time I saw him in med bay, which was often.

“Fives! How are you? It’s been more than a couple weeks since I’ve seen your drunk carcass in med bay,” I jeered.

“Captain’s been keeping us out in the field a lot lately, he doesn’t believe in fun,” he said with a goofy grin on his face. Rex punched him in the shoulder.

Rex finished adjusting the breast plate and attaching my pauldrons. The left pauldron bore the red and white mark of a clone medic.

Fives had disappeared into the storage room and came back with a medic bag. He blew the dust off of it and handed it to me.

“Here, put this and your helmet on. Let’s see the whole thing,” he said.

I put them on and looked out of the helmet to see Rex and Fives beaming.

“You look great, doc,” Fives said.

“Fives, report to the launch bay, we’ll be along shortly,” Rex ordered.

“Yes, sir.”

Fives gave me a salute and a wink as he walked off. I gave him an audible huff and eye roll he couldn’t see through my helmet.

Rex chuckled.

“You’re going to fit in well here, you know.”

—————————

The hangar was a sight to behold with all of the clones in formation.

Rex gave a short motivational speech and ordered everyone into the transports.

“You stay with me, Fives, Jesse, Tup, Echo, Dogma, or Hardcase, and you’ll be fine,” Rex instructed.

I nodded and put my helmet on. I loaded into the crowded transport with them and we headed for the Jedi cruiser Resolute.

Coruscant faded away as we climbed higher.

________________________

The Resolute was bigger than I could have imagined. I had seen holo images of cruisers, but it doesn’t compare to seeing one for real. There were so many ships in the hangars. I walked past an AT-TE and stopped to marvel at the size.

“Wanna see the inside?” Hardcase asked.

“Hell yes I do!”

Hardcase beamed at my enthusiasm. His first loves were weapons and heavy equipment.

“This pretty girl can climb just about anything she encounters. She’s even got magnetized feet so she can climb metal,” he explained as I looked around the cockpit at all the buttons.

“She can even withstand being in space for a bit, since she can be pressurized. Sometime you’ll have to ask Rex about that adventure. Here, I’ll give you a boost up into the gunner’s seat.”

The gunner sat exposed, but I could easily see how it would be fun to mow down droids with the cannon. I looked down to see Rex looking up at us.

“Hardcase, it’s time to get everything ready for tomorrow, there’s lots to be done. Our medic there needs to get to her briefing, too,” he instructed.

“Thanks, Hardcase, this was fun, can you show me more another time?”

“Yep, anytime. It’s always my pleasure to show off my toys,” he had a cheesy grin stretching from ear to ear.

I hopped down and followed Rex to my first briefing.

________________________

Dinner followed the briefing. The boys were rowdy and there was a sense of excitement buzzing in the air. I ate my meal in near silence, being plenty entertained by the crass and ridiculous things the men of the 501st were discussing. It was clear that it helped keep their minds off of the coming battle.

It was late when I retired to my quarters, hoping to get a few hours of rest.

______________

Geonosis was barren, except for various rock formations. The night was eerily dark and Rex was alone. He walked the desert landscape, looking for any signs of life. He tried his comm again, only to be answered with broken static.

The Captain finally saw something in the distance, although he could not make it out. As he approached the shapes, Rex found Fives, Jesse, and her, laying on the ground. He removed their helmets, only to see dark voids where their eyes had been. Blood started pouring out of the chasms. Their lifeless bodies suddenly sat up, repeating “It’s your fault we’re dead.”

Rex’s eyes shot open and he awoke to find he was still in his bunk. He was covered in sweat and his heart was nearly beating out of his chest.

It was just a nightmare.

The nightmares never stopped.

Being a soldier was hard, but being a leader was harder. He never stopped wondering if he made the wrong decisions. He never stopped worrying about his vod. So many had died, and he still carried each one with him.

He decided to go to the mess hall for some caf. Might as well since he couldn’t sleep anyway. Rex walked past his men to the door. He was relieved to see Fives, Jesse, Tup, Echo, Hardcase, and Dogma, all asleep, snoring, in their bunks. He looked around and wondered which men he would lose tomorrow. A tear escaped and he let it fall, knowing that no one would see. He wiped the tears away and continued towards the mess.

The door slid open. The mess was empty except for her. She had her head down on a table, red hair splayed over her arms. He wondered how long she’d been here. Rex walked to her, gently calling her name. She didn’t even flinch. A cup of caf was beside her, ice cold, indicating she had been there for some time.

Rex laid a hand on her shoulder.

“Wake up, cyar'ika, you’ll be much more comfortable in your bed.”

She drowsily raised her head and brushed her hair back.

“Rex?” she asked as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“Yeah, it’s me. C’mon, I’ll walk you back to your quarters.”

She stood up and stretched. There were lines across her face from where it had rested on her arm. Rex couldn’t help but smile.

They walked back to her quarters, making small talk along the way.

“I’m nervous, that’s why I couldn’t sleep,” she said spontaneously.

“I would expect you to be nervous,” he assured, “I won’t sugar coat it and say that it will be easy. It will likely be a bloodbath. But, we’ll be there to help you. We will get through this together.”

They stopped in front of her door and she turned to Rex, laying a hand on his arm.

“Thank you, Rex,” she said and then disappeared into her room.

He stood at the closed door for a minute, her touch still lingering.

“Sleep well, mesh’la.”

_________________________________________

I woke up early so I could check my medic bag and have a cup of caf before deploying.

The mess hall wasn’t busy, but there were a few clones up and about. I grabbed my caf and scanned the room. Jesse saw me and waved me to a table with him, Dogma, Echo, and Tup.

“ ‘Mornin, boys.”

“ ‘’Mornin, Doc,” they replied in near unison. It wasn’t uncommon for soldiers to call their medics “doc”. Field medics did it all.

“Where’s Fives and Hardcase?” I inquired.

“Those two will sleep til the last second,” Dogma said as he rolled his eyes. I’d been told Dogma was a stickler for rules. I expected he was early for everything.

I sat down next to Jesse, started sipping my caf, and inventorying my bag.

Bacta? Check.

IV supplies? Check.

Normal saline? Check.

Lasted ringers? Check.

Bandages? Check.

Tourniquets? Check.

The bag didn’t hold much, but it was enough to get the men back to the field hospital. I sat the bag on the floor and joined the conversation.

“You ready, Doc?” Tup asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess. You boys just try to keep from getting blown to bits and I’ll be fine,” I jeered. They laughed in agreement.

“Seriously? I’m scared shitless, but I know you guys have my back and that makes it better,” I admitted.

“It’s ok, I think everyone but Hardcase was scared on their first mission,” Jesse said.

I’d met Hardcase a few times in med bay. He never backed down from a fight, in fact, he usually went looking for it.

Our comms lit up and a voice announced that we needed to report to our gunships. We cleared the table and headed down to the hangar. As we entered the elevator, Fives and .

Hardcase came running down the hall,

“Hold the door, wait for us!” Fives shouted.

I held the door for them. Both were still finishing putting on their armor. I smiled and shook my head.

“Whhhaaattt?” Fives asked with a smile. “Better late than never, right?”captain

[genevievemd]

The Exception.

A/N: Was this what I should have been writing? No. Did I do it anyway? Yes. Because I have no self control and restarted the books again. Someone take VIP away from me.

Set after chapter 5 of book 2. Ethan finds out that MC (Genevieve) kissed Bryce at the music festival and is heartbroken at the thought that she’s moving on. (Even though she’s not. Bryce is not Ethan and Gen only wants Ethan, despite her best efforts to move on, but he doesn’t know that yet)

Just some angsty longing because that’s all that the beginning of book 2 is and I love exploring Ethan’s side of it since we only get MC’s. 

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Genevieve McClure)

No Warnings, just painful yearning.

Ethan sees her as soon as he rounds the corner. She’s standing at the nurses station, talking animatedly with Dr. Trinh, her green eyes sparkling as she hides a laugh behind her hand. He stops dead in his tracks, and he can feel his anger after the board meeting dissipating at the sight of her - despite her being the cause of that anger.  

She’s wearing the red dress today, the one that brings out the color in her cheeks. It’s one of his favorites, though he’d never dare admit it out loud. He shouldn’t even be having a favorite dress or any thoughts like that about Genevieve in the first place. Not while she’s on his team, and certainly not while he’s her boss. 

But even knowing he shouldn’t, hasn’t stopped his mind from drifting to Gen every spare second of the day. It’s like he’s haunted by her, by the memories of her. Every moment together in the last year plagues his heart and mind. The vision of her in blue in Miami, the way she’d kissed him at the opera house, her hand in his as they watched Naveen leave the hospital. Her in his kitchen, in his bed. Her brief but relieved smile when he went to her ethics hearing, the way she sighed his name in the quiet of her bedroom. 

Every single moment between them plays on repeat, making it harder and harder to stay away. It’s as if deep down he already knows he belongs to her. That every part of him is already branded with her name.

She is all consuming and dangerous and thrilling. 

But, he cares too deeply to jeopardize her development as a doctor by giving in to his desires. No matter how badly he wishes to waltz down the hall and kiss her until they are both out of breath. 

He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about kissing her since the other night. When they sat on the couch in the diagnostics office, close enough where the smell of her perfume took over his senses, and he could see the small freckles on her cheeks. 

It was the closest he’d been to her in weeks, and he can still feel the tremor in his fingers, fighting to keep from touching her. Can still picture the way she looked at him when she so easily brought up the question of marriage, the tilt of her head as she spoke. 

It’s love, Ethan. It doesn’t have to make sense.

That four-letter word has been keeping him up all hours of the night, struggling with the notion that perhaps he was, in fact, in love with Genevieve. That his deep care for her far surpassed the true definition of the word care. 

You don’t long and ache and need someone this adamantly if you only care for them.

Ethan’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t realize Genevieve’s walking towards him until she’s practically in front of him. He quickly looks down at the chart in his hand, trying his best to not look like he was just staring at her like a damned love stricken teen. 

But she doesn’t even notice him, too lost in conversation to realize he’s there. He flicks his eyes up at her and Sienna as they pass in front of him, trying his best to catch a word of their whispered conversation. 

“I still can’t believe you kissed Bryce at the festival.” 

Ethan looks up fully at Sienna’s words, as they cut through him like a knife. Twisting into his heart slowly and excruciatingly. 

He doesn’t hear Genevieve’s reply over the thundering in his ears, his eyes following her down the hall as the air leaves his lungs. 

She was doing exactly what he had feared for weeks. 

Moving on. 

Though it was he who told her that they can’t be together, his decision to reset their relationship, it didn’t stop his heart from breaking right there in the hospital corridor. Logically, Ethan knew it was bound to happen. A woman like Genevieve won’t wait around forever, nor would he want her to. But thinking and knowing she was leaving what was blossoming between them in the past were two completely different things. 

He takes a deep breath before quickly walking back to the diagnostics office. The burning ache in his chest worsening as he imagines losing Genevieve completely. 

She wouldn’t have to hide a relationship with the surgical resident. He’d have to see it, every day. Watch her be happy with someone else, see her smile for someone else, kiss someone else, every damn day. 

All because of him, his rules and the line they couldn’t and shouldn’t cross. 

He swings open the glass door, briskly walking over to his desk and bracing himself against it, head dropping as he closes his eyes. The sheer thought of her falling in love with a man that wasn’t him making his stomach drop and his heart flip. 

The bone deep regret of letting her go washes over him, as he forces the images of Genevieve in the arms of another out of his head.

Ethan takes a deep breath, fighting against the overwhelming urge to run to her. Find wherever she is in the hospital and take her into his arms, profess his - 

He shakes his head, forcing that godforsaken word out of his thoughts. He can’t be in love with her, she’s unobtainable and there’s nothing he can do to change it. 

There’s a knock on the door and Ethan looks up to see the very thing that’s ripping him apart. She’s eying him cautiously like she’s afraid to fully entire the office. Like she’s afraid he’s still angry with her. 

And he is, she went against his wishes and now the team will have to solicit high paying patients but right now the anger no longer seems to matter. Not when she’s all but slipping through his fingers.

Genevieve bites her lip briefly before speaking, a nervous tick of hers that’s entirely too distracting on a normal day, let alone in the very moment he’s trying to keep himself from running to her. 

“Are you okay? You look upset.” Her voice is warm, her eyes full of concern and it twists the knife in deeper.

He could tell her the truth, he should tell her the truth. They’re alone in the office, the hallway is empty - it's the perfect moment to grab her, kiss her and promise to never let her go again. Ethan open’s his mouth to speak but the words die on his tongue. 

He can’t do this, he won’t do this. 

The stakes are too high, the consequences too damning. Logic has to win over the longing in his heart. No matter how much it will break him. 

“Ethan?” She tilts her head, taking a few steps until she’s fully in the office. 

He clears his throat, the air suddenly too thick to breathe, “I’m fine.” He stands up straight and fixing his coat, trying his best to hide the pain that's overtaking him. “Are you done for the night?” 

“Yeah, I just wanted to check in with you before I left.” 

“I have nothing left for you today, so you’re good to go.” 

“Okay.” She gives him an overly cautious smile and it feels like the chasm he’s created between them grows deeper. 

Genevieve turns for the door, but hesitates after a few steps. Her back is facing him, but he can still see her twist her fingers and there’s no doubt in his mind, that if she were to turn around, he would see her brows furrowed and her lips pursed in thought. 

He watches her take a deep breath, and he braces himself for whatever it is that’s about to leave her lips. Perhaps she had noticed him practically lurking in the hall, knows that he overheard her conversation with Sienna and is about to plunge the knife back in. But she says nothing, quickly gathering herself and walking out of the office without a backwards glance. 

Ethan runs a hand down his face as he falls back into the chair, eyeing the spot where she just stood. The intense need to follow her taking over every nerve in his body. He isn’t sure how much longer he can keep himself from her, keep up the fight and pretend like Genevieve isn’t everything he’s ever wanted, everything he needs. Not if he’ll be forced to watch her with Lahela day in and day out. 

The thought alone is enough to send him to his knees and make him want to throw out every rule he’s ever set for himself, consequences be damned. She’s already been the exception to them all since the day they met, so effortlessly and breathtakingly shattering every single one with a smile on her face. 

He’d do anything to see that smile. Hell, he let her use that damn picture of him on the beach for his pictagram because he knew it’d gift him a laugh, let her write Gen is the best as his first post without protest just to see her beaming with joy. 

She’s the exception, one Ethan isn’t sure he’s ready to give up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: Title taken from one of my all time favorite movies, which happens to star Lily James (who is Gen’s FC) so the title was an ode to that. Also because Gen is the exception to all of Ethan’s rules. I hope you enjoyed this baby bit of angst filed longing. I promise to post fluff next. - Sara (I’m gonna go watch The Exception now, i love it so much. I don’t even care that it’s 2 am)

tag list: 

@queencarb, @overwhelminglyaquarius, @me-and-my-choices, @schnitzelbutterfingers, @crazy-loca-blog, @a-crepusculo, @drakewalkerfantasy, @ohchoices, @adrex04, @udishaman, @drariellevalentine​, @custaroonie​, @archxxronrookie​, @terrm9​, @maurine07​, @openheartthot​, @gryffindordaughterofathena​, @aworldoffandoms​, @caseyvalentineramsey​, @dulceghernandez​, @elwetritsche75​, @emotionalswift2, @thegreentwin, @starrystarrytrouble​, @utterlyinevitable​, @angela8754​, @fireycookie​, @sizzlingcashherohumaniod, @jooous​, @3riche, @open-heart-ramseyyy, @iemcpbchoices

LMK if you want to be added or taken off 😊

[votederpycausemufins]

i have food poisoning and it sucks, but it meant i could just lie in bed writing, so here we gooooooo

@petrichormeraki

As Tommy paddled the boat, Tubbo watched their communicator. “It sounds like she’s not at… wherever we’re going anymore.”

Tommy cursed. “Any clue where to go now then?”

Tubbo glanced down at the messages.

<CaptainSparklez> She’s not there anymore!

<Rendog> How? It’s surrounded by water

<CaptainSparklez> She’s a shapeshifter, not a hybrid.

<Crumbl> yuoll nrrver find mee sprinklez

<CaptainSparklez> Again. You’re a shapeshifter. Why are there feathers left behind.

<Crumbl> I dinit mumch them.

Tubbo looked up and scanned the ocean before pointing out on the water. “Those feathers over there! It’s looking like she left them behind.”

Tommy smiled and turned the boat to follow the trail of feathers. It took a little bit, but the pair did reach land near a forest, though it had started raining. “Where do you think she is?”

Tubbo shrugged. “Don’t know. We don’t even know what she looks like.”

A calico cat walked nearby, then ran as the pair walked near it, making Tommy notice it. “Hey, must be a village nearby. Maybe she’s there for shelter?”

“I hope so. But she might just be hiding under some trees.” Tubbo suggested. As they continued to walk, Tommy saw movement near a tree and started to run toward it. Tubbo watched him run and then noticed the coloring of the form. “Tommy! Wait! That’s a-” The mob exploded. “-Creeper…”

“Aw myan!” The cat said as it sat down next to Tubbo, making them jump.

“Did that cat just talk?!” Tubbo said, nearly shouting from shock.

Said cat changed into what resembled a cat hybrid that reminded Tommy vaguely of Fundy. “Ye! I’m Crumb!”

“Cool! I’m Tommy and this is my friend Tubbo!”

Crumb tilted her head. “Ooo, really? Well I came here with Sparklez, he’s my dad. But i’m hidin’!”

“Want to hang out with us while you hide?” Tubbo suggested and the shapeshifter nodded, changing back into a cat and flopping over Tubbo’s shoulder. “Let’s boat back to your place and show it to Crumb.”

The now trio got into the boat and Tubbo watched as Crumb used her paw pads to type on her communicator and send a message.

<Crumbl> sprakle i made frends!

<Crumbl> Im gonna play wit tonmi and tubbox

Tubbo laughed. “I actually can be a Tubbox.” Tubbo said, making Tommy speak up as well.

“Tubbo in a box, what will he do?”

“Uwwu I’m so good at this!” Crumb replied proudly and Tubbo could feel her purr.

“So is what the captain said true?” Tubbo asked. “Are you really a shapeshifter, not a hybrid?”

“Ye! I um, I’m a badass shapeshifter!” Tommy and Tubbo tried not to laugh at the sound of this cat with a voice like that saying something like that, but they couldn’t hold it in and Crumb also started laughing along. “I’m super strong and beat the Ender Dragon when we had lotsa random potion effects!”

“That sounds so cool.” Tubbo complimented Crumb and then the three of them continued to chat as they rowed along.

Sparklez was glad to see another message from Crumb and see she had made some friends. When he read their names, he froze for a moment. It couldn’t be. This was nowhere near where he should have been. He shook his head. No, it was just coincidence. Crumb probably just misspelled it when typing.

<CaptainSparklez> Alright Crumb, have fun. Just don’t get in trouble.

He laughed as a message came back, distracting him from his previous train of thought.

<Crumbl> No prmosed! Were ginna conmit crim!

“I’m a danger to society!” Crumb shouted as she pounced on a chicken, no longer just a cat, but looking like a very squishy cat that could be mistaken as a stuffed animal at a glance. She had wanted to stay a cat, but by complete chance, another calico cat showed up and Tommy and Tubbo nearly went after the normal cat. She also liked how the pair approved of such a squishy looking cat going left and right killing mobs.

When a parrot flew above her, she jumped to try and grab it, but it was just a little too high for her to reach. “Come down here! I wanna eat you! Mumnch and crumnch!”

The parrot squawked and flew over to land on Tommy’s head. “Oh, leave this one alone. I think this is one of Grian’s. Part of his pesky bird delivery service. 

“But it just looks so tastyyy! Crumb jumped again. It made Tubbo wonder how much of it was just how she acts, or if being a cat so long made her act like one.

“Oh, speaking of Grian. He sent me a message.” Tommy says as he pulls out his communicator. With the flood of messages from the visitors - well, one in particular - Grian sent the message on their own private chat.

<Grian> bring Tubbo if you want but it’s parrot brain hours

<TommyInnit> he probably won’t be coming. We made a friend with one of the guests. Don’t really want to leave her all alone.

<Grian> that makes sense.

<Grian> and bring any extra wheat you can

<TommyInnit> okay, definitely not letting Tubbo come. It’ll shatter my manly image.

<Grian> dad left me books about shifting and I’ve had plenty of time to read. Did you know I can just give myself a beak or talons without shifting completely?

<TommyInnit> woah, hey. Alright big G, I’ll be there as soon as I can.

Tommy looked up to see Tubbo glancing at their communicator. “He messaged me directly, H is talking too much.” Tubbo nodded. “Big G wants me for something. Okay if I let you two hang out by yourselves?”

“Ye! We’re gonna have lotsa fun together! And den we can go see my dad!”

“I can’t wait to meet him!”

Tommy waves and then starts to boat off, using it as a platform once he’s far enough out at sea to safely use his elytra. He stops at his base and goes through his chests, making some hay bales. Afterwards he flies to the mansion and up near the roof where he knows Grian is going to be. 

It was a room made in one of the side roofs of the mansion. The main one sat above the great hall with windows wide open, but the areas to the side were a little more closed off. This one also had a large window, but there usually wasn’t much in there.

Right now however, the place was littered with a few beds and wool and hay bales. Grian was in the center of it all, wings spread out. In the small room they looked much larger. 

“Hey, I brought the hay.” Tommy joked, holding out the bundled wheat. Grian immediately took it and started spreading it around. “Hoo boy. Are you sure you don’t want Mumbo here, orrrr?”

“Oh he definitely wants me here.” Mumbo’s voice speaks up as he pushes a wing off him, only for it to flop back down, pinning his legs. His tie is loose and his suit is a mess along with his hair. “It’s been fine for a while. Just stay in bed, maybe wake up in the middle of the night to a nightmare. I forgot how he gets when he’s like this.”

Tommy nodded. He had only really seen this twice. The first time he managed to decline, much to Grian’s dismay, but the second time there was no way out of it with Grian now knowing they were brothers.

Tommy knows he could have said no this time, but seeing everything that happened the day of the war and the night following made Tommy worried, and he wanted to be there.

Grian smiles as he finishes moving blocks and beds and carpets around. He nudged a few stray pieces of wheat and cotton around with his feet and wings. He knows it would be so much easier to use his hands, but it just doesn’t feel right. 

The avian stares at the nest he’s built. It’s perfect. Maybe a little small for right now, but that’s just because the kids are still on their way. He thinks that he could make it bigger. Big enough to fit the rest of his family, but they aren’t around. So he settles for Mumbo and Tommy. 

He pulls Tommy into the nest, making sure he’s comfortable before putting each of his wings around Tommy and Mumbo. Mumbo half bats the wing away as feathers get into his mouth, but he’s too exhausted from helping to set this up in the first place to complain much more.

Grian holds them close. He could lose everything else if he still had the people he cared about most. He would do anything to protect them.

Crumb is excited as Tubbo boats the two of them towards the shopping district. She really wanted her dad to meet her new friend. And Tubbo was very much a new friend with a nickname and everything.

When they landed, she hopped out of the boat and shifted to a hybrid form before running off to find her dad. Tubbo was left running behind her, aging a little trouble keeping up.

“Sprinklez!!! Look at my new friend!” She jumped into her dad’s arms, shifting back into her cat form. He looked around not seeing anyone for a moment before a panting Tubbo caught up.

“You… couldn’t have… waited for me?” Tubbo panted out, trying to catch his breath.

“Dis is Tubbox! He has another friend but but but I don’ have a good name for him yet so he’s just Tommy.”

Sparklez smiles and shifts Crumb to hold out a hand. “Nice to meet you. Captain Sparklez. But most people just use my last name or even just use Jordan. The one exception being Crumb who likes to call me Sprinklez or of course just Dad.”

Tubbo’s eyes sparkle. “Wait, you’re the Captain?! I’ve heard so much about you! You travel across so many worlds and are known for the songs you’ve written and your curse! I mean, the curse isn’t the most popular thing to know about, but uh…”

Sparklez just laughed. “It’s fine. I’m sure I’m going to get rid of it soon enough. Glad to meet another fan, especially if you’re friends with Crumb now.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty pog.” Tubbo jokes and they continue to talk. He doesn’t give his real name since Crumb seems to like using ‘Tubbox’. He doesn’t know how much it could change their life’s if he did.

The netherite blocks go up and there’s the sound of redstone being messed with. He looks out to watch as the lava slowly disappears. Across the chasm he can see an equally black and white figure. He can already feel the energy on them.

Even with his admin powers gone, he still has some tricks up his sleeve. And there are always strings to pull.

[spicycreativity]

Intertwined - Chapter 1

Rating: Teen

Content Warnings: It's a hanahaki fic, so. Mild body horror, blood, respiratory illness. (Starts at Ch 3 and gets worse from there).

Characters: All

Pairing: Moceit

Additional Notes: This one was supposed to be Darker and Longer, but turns out I'm not in the headspace to write angst atm, so it ends up moving p fast. Swaps between Janus and Patton's POVs. Post-PoF, light angst. Not whump. They both get hanahaki, but there is absolutely no version of Moceit in my mind where Janus isn't the one who falls first. My AO3 username is WizatdGlick.

Summary: The story of how Janus and Patton find each other at rock bottom and fall in love anyway.

A gentle knock on Janus' door drew him out of his thoughts. He donned a mask of triumph as he rose to open it, straightening his hat as he went. It couldn't be Remus; Remus never knocked so softly, which meant that Janus had to perform. He slid into the role with difficulty, struggling to find the edges of this gloating persona when all he felt was numb and tired and lost.

It was Patton at the door, and Janus felt everything slip, and Patton's eyes lit up with recognition, and all of Janus' resolve fell away in the face of that beseeching gaze.

"Come for another debate?" Janus asked in a low voice, making no effort to hide his ironical smile.

Patton smiled too, though he dropped it a moment too soon. Janus got the distinct impression that Patton was also far too wrung-out to put on any kind of act tonight. "Just came to check on you."

It would be as natural as breathing for Janus to draw back, place his fingertips delicately to his chest, widen his eyes. ' Check on me?' he would say, all faux-innocence, ' Please, Patton, I'm not a child. I don't need your pity.'

But he didn't.

Here was Patton, reaching out, and hadn't that been what Janus had wanted all along? That tiny, fervent flame that he hadn't allowed himself to acknowledge, that smallest ember of hope that someone might just give him what he was convinced he had to take.

The seconds stretched out until the silence verged on awkward, and Janus' pride stood up to do what his cunning would not: "I'm fine." He was fine, strangely. Not happy, as he perhaps should have been, but nothing hurt.

Patton's brow furrowed. "Am I supposed to believe that?" he asked gently.

Something warm and soft and dangerous bloomed in Janus' chest at Patton's look of confusion. He had freckles on his nose, scattered like spilled cinnamon: a trait assigned by Thomas’ subconscious. "Patton," Janus said, flicking his gaze upwards to meet Patton's eyes. "Would you like to come in?"

"To your room ?" Patton asked, eyes widening. He looked past Janus' shoulder and Janus fought not to move and block Patton's gaze with his body. He had just invited Patton in; there was no point getting shy now. "Won't that, y'know, do something to me?"

"It's just a matter of self-control," Janus said, hoping to get a smile out of Patton.

Sure enough, Patton did smile. "What color is my shirt?"

Janus said, "True blue," and stepped backwards to let Patton in.

It was a risk to bring someone into his room like this, but he felt unusually clear-headed tonight, calm and strangely secure despite the fact he had just let a known enemy past his defenses, and despite the exhaustion that made every breath feel heavy.

"Warm in here," Patton remarked, looking around.

Janus motioned him over to a set of armchairs. To be seen was to be judged, and he wasn't sure what he would do if Patton found him lacking again . "I have a question for you, Patton."

In the low light, the tear tracks on Patton's cheeks glimmered when he tilted his head inquisitively. "You do?"

Janus nodded, slow and calculated. He was sure he already knew the answer to the question, and preemptive anger bubbled thick and hot in his veins. "Who," he said, unable to keep from glaring, "came to check on you?"

"Well," said Patton, "Ah… They don't-- Everyone's upset right now--"

"And you're not?" Janus demanded. "And don't you dare tell me that you're fine." His emotions were running too hot; he needed to check himself, but seeing Patton make excuses filled him with a passion he'd only ever felt on Thomas' behalf.

"I am--"

"Don't."

"But I have to be," Patton whispered. "I can't-- I know they told me… They said it was okay for me to be sad, but--"

"If you fall apart, there's no one there to pick up the pieces," Janus guessed. "Sure, you can be sad, as long as it doesn't interfere with your role."

"Don't be mad at them," Patton pleaded, and Janus realized with a jolt that he would get into no one's good graces by slinging around insults.

"It's just hard," Janus said plainly, only half-noticing the words coming out of his mouth. He had just become aware of a keen and sickening new desire, borne on the back of a newfound respect for Patton that he had even lasted this long without having some sort of spectacular breakdown. Janus' whole chest ached with it, that and the equally sickening knowledge that he had just become horrifically vulnerable, that he had fallen under a spell he could never hope to break.

He saw it in his mind's eye: he saw himself stand and lean over, take Patton's jaw in his hands, kiss him long and deep and slow. He saw himself lay his body and soul bare before Patton, getting on his knees to forgive Patton all his perceived flaws. He meant well, after all. He only ever meant well, and it wasn't really his fault that those good intentions were capable of morphing into a cruel and deadly weapon.

But he would plunge that weapon straight into Janus' heart before their lips could ever even meet. Janus could see it now, Patton pulling away in confusion and disgust. His tenuous patience would give out then and there, and Janus would have no hope of acceptance ever again. Same for Remus, probably. They would remain Dark Sides forever, damned to be eternal outcasts. All thanks to Janus' pathetic inability to control himself.

"Why do you care so much about…" Patton hesitated for a moment and gave a shallow sigh. "Well, about me?"

And now Janus found himself walking a chasm’s edge. His instinct was to lean hard into the opposite of the truth and insult Patton so deeply that he left and never came back. Eliminate the threat. But that wasn't an option now of all times. No, he had to maintain a friendship with Patton, somehow. He had to keep himself under control. How fun. "You're a part of Thomas," Janus said. He paused.

"So are the others."

"You've earned my respect."

"Oh," said Patton. "Wow, um. Gosh, that's…" His lower lip trembled. "I should go," he said in a broken voice.

Janus surveyed him in silent agony, teetering on the precipice of a lie. With a monumental effort, he pulled himself away from it and opened his arms. "Come here."

The floodgates opened. Patton fell into Janus' lap, already sobbing. Janus held him, all his muscles stiff and awkward. He was much smaller in the mindscape than he was in Thomas’ eyes and it was difficult to support Patton’s much larger frame. A sharp pain flared in Janus’ collarbone where Patton had buried his forehead and his tears were already starting to seep through Janus' clothes. He cringed at himself and the absurdity of the situation, wishing he had some way to make it better. He should have had words for this, all the right words to soothe away Patton's worries and set him right again. But he was so tired.

"I'm s-s-sorry," Patton said through shuddering sobs that dug his forehead harder into Janus' clavicle.

"It's okay," Janus said, concentrating hard on keeping the effects of his room at bay.

"Are you--" Patton sniffled " --sure you're okay?"

A rush of affection melted Janus' heart and he sighed and held Patton closer despite the shooting pain in his collarbone and the ache in his arms. Even in the midst of a post-breakdown breakdown, Patton was self-sacrificing (self- destructive) enough to check in on him. "You don't have a selfish bone in your body, do you?" Janus sighed, lamenting Patton’s bleeding heart. For some reason, this only made Patton cry harder. Janus cast his mind back to the last time Remus was this upset, found nothing, had to speculate. He and Remus and Virgil were self-sufficient, secretive. When it came to personal crises, they weathered them alone and bore the aftermath in stoicism. "Do you want me to play with your hair?"

"I don't know," Patton sobbed into Janus' chest.

Janus sighed and began to run his fingers through Patton's honey-colored hair, grateful that the thick material of his gloves kept their skin from touching. It was better this way, and a good reminder for Janus. He guarded his heart so closely for a reason.

 

Janus, despite the discomfort from the awkward weight distribution and the clammy feeling of cooled tears on his shirt, was half-asleep in the chair by the time Patton stopped crying.

"Sorry," Patton said, pulling away, and even with snot and tears all over his flushed cheeks, even with his eyes all red and puffy behind his fogged-up glasses and his hair standing up at strange diagonals from Janus' attempts at comfort, he was radiant.

"For having feelings?" Janus asked, gently imaging himself into a new, dry shirt.

"For making them your problem." Patton took his glasses off and began to polish them on the hem of his own shirt.

"Patton, I need you to know this." Janus waited until Patton looked at him before continuing, "I owe you nothing. If I had wanted you to leave, I would have asked you to leave and thought nothing of it."

Patton nodded and went back to polishing his glasses. They were silent for a long moment, during which Janus found himself unable to suppress a series of yawns. It must have been around 4:00 in the morning by this point. They had to have been the only ones awake.

"Hey, Janus," Patton said, finally putting his glasses back on. "You know The Breakfast Club?"

"Yes," Janus said distractedly, trying to figure out where Patton was going with this.

"This wasn't our version of that, was it?"

"What do you mean?"

"When tomorrow comes and we're back to, to some sort of normal… You'll still be my friend, right?"

Now here was a situation Janus had never once envisioned for himself. He had pictured winning over Roman, had pictured gaining Thomas' support. Never once had he expected real friendship with any of them, let alone Patton. "Yes," he said, feeling sick at the irony of it. He had been comfortable as Patton's enemy, was now yearning for his kiss… How could he be friends with Patton when he burned like this for Patton's wholehearted affection? Was he really just supposed to endure it?

Patton smiled, so sweet and earnest that Janus had to bite down on his tongue. "Good," he said. "Speaking of, do you wanna have breakfast with me?"

"Not right now, I hope," Janus teased.

"No, no, not right now." Patton muffled a yawn into his sleeve. "I guess I'd better go."

Janus nodded. "See you in the morning?"

"Um," said Patton, who didn't appear to have been listening. "Thank you, Janus. You didn't have to-- Well, thank you."

He sank out without another word.

Janus imagined himself into his pajamas, imagined the lights off and threw himself onto his bed. "Fuck."

 

--

 

Frigid air seeped from the hallway seeped under the crack where Janus' door stopped just short of the carpet. He didn't allow himself to notice, and continued to put his outfit on piece by agonizing piece. The cold air made his joints slow and achy, and he struggled to get the clasps done up. It was just as well that he hadn't put on his gloves yet. He had become quite adept at handling things while wearing them, but for this task, the bulky fabric would only get in the way. After all, just like his singular snake fang, his gloves were for aesthetics, not function.

Finally, he donned his hat and faced the door, forced to confront that fatal truth: He could never have what he wanted. The moment he had achieved his goal of Thomas’ acceptance, the triumph had slipped away in his hands to be replaced with a truly unattainable goal.

Memories from last night, the phantom sensation of Patton in his arms, teased him until he had to sneer at himself. Pathetic. He was acting pathetic. Falling for Patton was strategically inadvisable, even if he couldn’t help it, but actively pursuing him was out of the question. It was all-risk, no reward. Still, his treacherous heart fluttered, teasing him with the thought of Patton’s lips on his own, Patton’s hands on his body, sharing heat, deepening the kiss--

“All risk,” Janus said out loud to himself, “no reward.” A mantra to see him through. He opened his door, his gloved hand slipping a little on the polished brass of his doorknob, and nearly walked straight into Remus as he passed by with an armful of dismembered dolls.

“Well,” said Janus, tilting his head to better examine the pile of plastic limbs and bodies in Remus’ arms, “I won’t ask what you’re up to.” He stifled a yawn behind his hand, visualizing a piping hot cup of coffee. A shudder wrecked his concentration and he frowned. “Are you the reason it’s so cold in here?”

Remus ignored the question, his feverish eyes darting from Janus’ mouth to his hand to his face. “I knew you were up late last night. That’s why I came this way.” He gave a crooked but strangely boyish grin. “I wanted to know where you’d gotten off to. Or who you’d gotten off with. ”

Janus, to his horror, blushed. Fragmented images flashed through his head-- What if he had kissed Patton? And Patton had kissed back? Mask, mask, mask! “I was spreading the Gospel.”

“You were spreading something , though, weren’t you?” Remus shifted the dolls in his arms and held up a masculine torso. “I know I heard Big Daddy’s voice. Play a little game of Patton- Snake , did you?”

Janus swore he could hear porcelain cracking as his heart began to race. “In all seriousness, Remus, we did reach an agreement.”

“Sounds like you reached more than that.” Remus waggled his tongue.

God, he was relentless when he was on the scent of something. Janus hid his face behind his hands, realizing a moment too late that this display of shame would only add fuel to the fire. So he took the only option left and muttered, “Boundaries,” into his palms.

“Oh,” said Remus, leaning back on his heels. “ Oh. Janus, you didn’t .”

“Of course we didn't!” Janus hissed, dropping his hands.

"But you wanted to?"

“How much did you hear yesterday, anyway?”

“Oh, I heard the whole debacle, including that heartwarming little moment at the end,” Remus said, rocking forward onto his toes. “Thanks for putting in a good word for me, by the way.”

They fell into an awkward silence as Janus once again reached for words that simply weren’t there. “I didn’t mean it,” he said finally, cursing himself.

“No?” said Remus. “Not even a teeny tiny little bit?” He poked Janus in the chest with the plastic torso, still clenched in his left hand. “Right here?”

“You,” said Janus, “are just as evil as I am.”

Remus backed off with a grin, leaving Janus in doubt that he had ever even been angry in the first place. “So where are you off to now? Roman’s got this place awfully cold; gonna go warm Patton’s snake?”

“You already made a ‘Patton snake’ joke,” Janus said, slamming another mask onto his face to hide his blush. “But to answer your question, he asked me to join him for breakfast.”

“Aww.” Remus wiped fake tears from his cheeks. “You better not start spending too much time with him or I’m going to get jealous.”

[innocentbi-stander]

Yet another au that’s been rolling around my head for a while that ended up turning into a little something more. A continuation of my non-human jaskier headcanons, featuring a jaskier who somehow managed to acquire magic post-mountain. 

Enjoy!

acquired magic Jaskier au:

He was a completely normal human up until he and Geralt separated after the mountain

While he was traveling on his own Jaskier was attacked by bandits and critically injured, left to die in the woods

Right before he was about to bleed out, an old witch stumbled upon him in the woods 

She took him back with her to her cottage and healed him

Jaskier was very very very confused when he woke up in bed in yet another unfamiliar face

He was even less enthused when he discovered he had woken up with yet another witch in his general vicinity (he had had enough 0f witches for a LIFETIME)

The bard had a few frantic minutes where he tried to plan his escape, most of that plan included him just screaming and running away as fast as he could

Jaskier was shocked then when the witch introduced herself as Elena, a witch who had lived in the forest alone for decades often helping local villagers and wounded travelers

She tells him how she had stumbled upon him in the woods and seen how gravely injured he was

Elena had not brought anyone back to her home in years, but she had sensed something in him and knew she had to bring him with her

They talk for hours over tea after Elena changes his bandages, and Elena is quickly charmed by Jaskier

The bard finds himself spilling out secrets and feelings he had never planned on sharing with anyone, about his awful family, his unrequited love for Geralt, Yennefer, and what happened on the mountain

Elena comforts Jaskier and feels a fierce protectiveness for the bard that astounds her

The witch can tell her magic has made a special bond to the bard

Jaskier enjoys Elena’s company so much that he stays with her at the cottage long after he is healed

She teaches him everything there is to know about healing, about witchcraft and potion making, about the herbs to gather, and all the flowers in the forest

Elena lets Jaskier pour over her old spellbooks, finding his fascination and curiosity with old magic hopelessly endearing

Jaskier finds a parental figure in Elena that he never had with anyone else

One day Elena tells him of a ritual she had been researching for ages, where a magic user could divert part of their magic to another person

She tells him that she has come to view him as her own child, and it is very important that he has some way to project himself other than his daggers (also the immortality would be an exceptional bonus)

Jaskier agrees, and on the next full moon they execute the ritual

The bard collapses, and sleeps for two weeks, and when he awakens he is overjoyed to find the ritual has worked

Cue immeasurable shenanigans with magic user Jaskier, because the bard is competent but also crazy, and does not understand how to reign in the great power he has suddenly been granted

He sneezes and an entire field of buttercups and dandelions grow

Jaskier gets too excited and everything in the cottage flies into the air

Sometimes when he laughs too hard the colors of his doublet change

Once when he was angry at a traveler who spit at Elena’s feet a chasm opened up in the middle of the road and almost swallowed the man whole

It takes months of hard work with Elena, but Jaskier finally begins to get a better grasp of his powers

It is at this time that he begins to hear word of Nilfgaard moving farther and farther north

Jaskier also hears whispers of soldiers searching for the Lion Cub of Cintra, a Witcher, and a purple eyed witch. He is even more surprised when there is also mention of the witcher’s bard

The next time he goes into down for supplies for him and Elena, he hears word of a white haired witcher who passed through asking for word of a bard

Jaskier knows then what he has to do

Nilfgaard is after him as well, and if they are after him Elena is at risk, and he can’t stand his dear friend getting hurt

Also, for some reason Geralt is searching for him as well instead of getting the hell away from Nilfgaard and knowing the witcher’s stubbornness, he won’t stop until he is found

He packs a bag and says his goodbyes to Elena, promising to come back as soon as possible and making her promise to stay safe

Jaskier spends a week tracking down Geralt, Yennefer, and Ciri, who have thankfully moved further north

The bard is so close to the trio, only a half mile away, he can sense it, when he is attacked by two griffins protecting a nearby nest

The Jaskier of before the mountain would probably have been a dead man, he would have screamed and tried to run away

The Jaskier of now is different, he is powerful, he has learned to defend himself and he does it with fierceness and grace

The bard sets his shoulders, and turns a steady gaze towards the shrieking set of griffins

He takes a deep breath and cracks his knuckles

The power is building up inside his chest and he takes the lessons he has learned from Elena is these past few months and puts them to good use, letting the power flow through his chest, down his arms, and twist around his fingers 

Taking down the griffins is effortless, swift and strong, and when he is finished there is only a heap of feathers on the forest floor

Behind him a small gasp sounds out, and Jaskier whips his head around to see three figures standing in shock several meters away

The gasp clearly came from Ciri, small and blond and smudged with dirt from the road

Geralt stands beside her, his hand halfway through pulling out his sword and stuck in place where he had clearly begun to go and assist Jaskier. His face is furrowed in deep confusion and Jaskier barely keeps himself from laughing at the befuddled look

Yennefer is calculating, staring at the bard as if she had never seen him before, even as a smirk starts to overtake her face

Staring at the three of them Jaskier resists the urge to freeze in place, he is a performer, the least he could do is keep up an act on nonchalance

He forces himself to relax his body, fulling turning around and wiping pretend dirt from his hands 

The bard knows he looks immaculate in a sapphire blue doublet, not a hair out of place

He forces a smile on his face as he raises a hand in greeting

“Hello! I heard you were looking for me, thought I’d make it a bit easier but things never go without error” He waves dismissively at the pile of feathers behind him, “but as you can see, I took care of it!” 

Jaskier can practically see a vein threatening to burst through Geralt’s forehead as he struggles to reconcile the image of Jaskier the helpness bard with the Jaskier who just took down two griffins with a powerful display of magic

He opens and closes his mouth several times, and Jaskier takes a moment to ruminate on how much he looks like a fish

Eventually Geralt wins the battle with words, but it's clearly not a very glorious victory because all that comes out of his mouth is “How?”

Jaskier beams. He knows there is much to be said between them, words to spoken, an apology to be delivered, boundaries to be set, but right now he is just so happy to be back with his witcher that he places that all temporarily behind him

“Magic of course, Geralt, though that is a very long story that we should maybe cover elsewhere because I’m not sure if you heard, but the entirety of Nilfgaard seems to be after our heads. We don’t have the luxury to dawdle”

Jaskier scoops up his pack and his lute and strolls forward

When he comes to a stop Yennfer meets his eyes, a mischievous glint growing back the second

“So you have magic now?” she asks, as though the answer isn’t obvious

Jaskier plays along though, taking a second to look at his surroundings 

“It appears so.” he responds gravely

They stare at each other in silence for a moment before breaking into small smiles

Jaskier doesn’t quite understand the weird comradery he can feel starting to build between them, but something deep inside him tells him that it isn’t a bad thing. It feels like something very, very good.

With a wave of her hand Yennefer summons a portal, “Shall we?”

In a move that shocks the bard, Yennefer holds out her arm, and Jaskier sees it for what it is. A truce, a tentative extension of friendship, an acknowledgement of their combined destinies with the witcher and his child surprise

Everything is not perfect. There is an entire army after them, there is unresolved feelings, a reluctant love triangle, many due apologies, and the matter of Jaskier’s newly acquired abilities to be discussed, but that all seems like problems for future selves to solve

Right now, Jaskier simply takes the witch’s arm and steps through the portal towards something new.

[missturtleduck]

The Girls of Ba Sing Se - (Sokka x f!Reader) Pt. 13

Part Twelve│Part Fourteen

“We’re both warriors in our own right, and too good to be surrounded by stupid boys all the time.“

Crossing back over the Serpent’s Pass was easy. The heavy weight on her chest that pummelled her out of nowhere was infinitely hard. 

Across the deep-water chasm, Y/N carried Suki, ignoring the strain on her calves and arms. Without the serpent or the extra people holding them back, the girls made their way over the Pass before night fell. The biting cold was not a problem either as Y/N kept a flame lit in her hand as the sun began to lower in the grey sky, enveloped by a cluster of clouds.

“I sent a message ahead of us,” Suki told her idly, adjusting her headband as they walked.

“Oh?”

The Warrior nodded. “The other Kyoshi Warriors will meet us back past the docks and into the wooded area westward.”

Nodding, Y/N focused on the ground beneath her feet. It was unchanging, dusty and sharp, as they began to exit the steepest climbs of the Pass, watching it plateau with little interest. If she could analyse the rocky path they were on, it would distract from the rocky terrain she and Sokka had metaphorically stumbled onto.

“Why did you invite me to come along with you, Suki?” Y/N said, her voice too loud in her ears after hours of endless silence.

Suki smiled at her. “Call it a hunch, but I think we’re like-minded people.”

“Because we’ve both had crushes on Sokka?”

“What?” She snorted, a massive grin now on her face. “No! What I had was a fleeting moment of ‘oh he’s cute’ and that was the end of that.”

“Oh,” Y/N said, flushing with embarrassment. “Well now I feel like an idiot.”

With a gentle nudge, Suki shook her head. “Don’t. We’re both warriors in our own right, and too good to be surrounded by stupid boys all the time.”

The joke summoned a low chuckle in Y/N’s throat, suddenly washing away the bashful feeling settling in her gut. Suki was easy to talk to, it seemed, but that ease with soon disappear. At the end of the journey, the she saw the other Kyoshi Warriors. They were in full garb, waiting.

She felt more out of place than ever. Frowning, Y/N smothered the fire with her shame. A furious grey stretched over the atmosphere, the colour of smoke. Inhaling a deep, controlled breath, she tried in desperation to replace the pressure in her chest with warmth, and for a moment she succeeded. The blossoming fire lily of energy spread, easing the tension in her muscles, her intense scowl softening.

“Warriors.” Suki announced their presence with all the nobility of a Fire Nation general. “This is Y/N. She will be travelling with us for a while.”

A murmur rippled through the group as easy and detrimental as an ocean tide. Y/N had no real experience with other girls her age. Sure, when she had been to visit her father in the Fire Nation Palace, Azula had been welcoming, so to speak. By welcoming, she meant more that the princess seemed to want to add her to a collection. She seemed to keep friends like butterflies, pinned to a board by their wings. This would also be ignoring the age gap between them; the same could even be said for Toph and Katara.

This was going to be strange.

“Yes, she is a firebender, but I would trust her if I had to put my life in her hands,” Suki said, voice turning sterner, more sincere, overcoming the collective whisper of doubt. “You didn’t see her risk her life for the sake of others. Y/N is fierce, and she will fit in with us for as long as she needs.”

With that, Suki had finished. Quelling the uncertainty with swift decisiveness, Y/N couldn’t help but admire the leadership she was displaying.

Tents set up and food gathered, all that was left to do was set up a campfire. Rather than letting one of the Warriors ache over sparking flame with rock, the firebender ignited her forefinger, pointing it at the pile of dry wood collected and arranged with the neat discipline of a trained fighter. Y/N ignored the yelps of the girls around her as the fire hit the wood with fierce accuracy. Under the intense heat, the wood began to crack, splintering and cracking as loud as thunder. As it settled, no longer spitting like a vicious pygmy puma, the girls wasted no time lifting a cooking pot over the campfire.

“No meat in the soup tonight.” A gruff voice said, startling Y/N. “Is that okay with you, firebender?”

She looked at the owner of such a low voice; a tall, leggy girl was stirring different nuts into a broth, stoking the flames every now and then to keep it boiling. Other than a single braid that was slung over her shoulder, her head was completely shaved.

“I don’t mind,” Y/N smiled, swallowing her nerves. “When you travel with a monk, you get used to a vegetarian lifestyle.”

The Warrior looked at her with some curiosity as she continued crushing the shells off of the main ingredients for their meal. “Huh. The Avatar, I’m guessing. What’s he like?”

“Sweet,” Was the first word that blurted out of her mouth. “Young. Fiercely devoted.”

“Glad to know our saviour is sweet.”

“Hey, I also said devoted!”

The two girls stared at each other before bursting out with laughter. They sat there for a few silent moments. Y/N tamed the flames down to a simmering heat as her acquaintance stirred in some green herbs. It smelled divine, summoning images of pine, hiking in the rain, and home. Home was the strongest memory dredged up by the broth.

“I heard,” The girl said, a teasing smile playing on her pretty lips, “That you’re really here because you got into an argument with a boy.”

Perhaps if any of the other girls there had teased like that, Y/N would’ve lost her temper, but this one seemed kind. “You could say that we had a conflict of interests.”

“Those interests being fire and water?” She continued to joke, nudging Y/N’s shoulder. “I’m glad to know I’ll never have these problems with boys.”

Y/N furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t like boys,” The girl shrugged with an easy grin. “Girls, however...”

“Wait, that’s an option?”

Now looking as confused as each other, they were interrupted by another Kyoshi Warrior. This girl had her face bare of paint, her entire body beaming with pure light. Wrapping her arms around the girl at the pot, she planted a kiss on her cheek before looking up to see Y/N, who sat shocked.

“Li, are you already bullying this poor girl?” The cheery one frowned – as much as she could looking like sunshine personified.

“Of course not, Yu,” Li said, clasping her free hand over Yu’s. “I’m just enlightening her to the many possibilities that being in the Kyoshi Warriors has granted me.”

This was a revelation to Y/N. It was her great grandfather who had spearheaded the criminalisation of ‘abnormal’ relationships, so she had never witnessed such explicit affection between two girls. It made sense though, why she never recognised her admiration of fellow women as anything more than friendship after a certain age. In fact, watching Li and Yu be so tender together reminded Y/N of an array of people she had considered close friends, those she would stare at a few seconds too long.

There had been a guard in Ozai’s palace with whom Y/N often walked the gardens when she would visit many years ago. Yes, she had been very young, but she remembered this woman with such intensity; she had these glittering gold eyes, as if someone had caught the sun in manacles and poured its blessing into her. She remembered, Princess Y/N, besotted with this woman and announcing to her that one day she would marry her. She startled at how panicked she had turned, and became sad when she never saw her again.

Even after her, there had been others she had admired; Jin who lived near her mother, Suki to some extent, and she was now realising how she had completely melted in front of Li.

But then there was Jìngyi and Sokka. Where did they fit?

“Sweetness,” Yu whispered to Li, “I think you broke the poor thing.”

“Hey, firebender,” Li said, brushing her companion off, “First bowl of soup fresh just for you.”

Numb, she took the bowl with a nod. “You can call me Y/N.”

That scent was back again as the pleasant nutty broth exuded heat. Swirling up in tendrils of steam, Y/N caught those glimpses of home again, but they were even stronger now – perhaps more melancholy and informed. But who was it she was seeing? Where was home?

Sipping a spoonful, her entire body warmed up in a way that could only be comforting. It was like the embrace of a fireplace after being caught in the rain. Spirits, it was good. It was definitely better than anything her and Katara had managed to cook up from the wilds. Watching her new acquaintances, Y/N realised their bond was forged in something other than affection; it seemed that Li was the cook and Yu the forager. Love, it seemed, could flourish somewhere that no one would ever expect it.

“This is lovely, thank you,” Y/N said with the utmost sincerity, bowing her head lowly.

Usually, she was all about etiquette, but the flavour and the sad pit in her stomach made her desperate to wolf the meal down. So many words to describe one bowl - splendid, delicious, homely – but Y/N could find none to describe how she was feeling.

“Tomorrow,” Li cut in past Y/N’s thoughts, “Yu and I, that being my Yu, will help you get ready for the journey ahead.”

Y/N allowed a small giggle to pass her lips at Li’s bad joke. “What do you mean?”

“If you’re travelling with the Kyoshi Warriors, you have to look like one!” Yu laughed, tapping her foot against Y/N’s knee as she took a seat opposite her.

“What, with the–” YN gestured to her face, mimicking the swipe of a brush over her eyes and lips.

“Yes!” Yu said, excited, “And with you uniform as well.”

“Is that okay?”

All three of the girls looked up behind Y/N’s shoulder to see a now bare faced Suki. Her red hair was tied back haphazardly in a pony tail, wisps of hair falling either side of her face. Out of any uniform whatsoever and in some comfy looking sleep clothes, she looked more relaxed.

Suki wasn’t looking at the other girls though. Suki was looking at Y/N.

“Oh!” Y/N flushed, sheepish. “Yeah, that would be great! Thank you for allowing me to travel with you.”

“Not at all,” She brushed off, taking a seat next to her on the ground, sandwiching her between her and Li. “Soup is going down a treat, girls. I’m sure we’ll all be sleeping warm in our sleeping bags tonight.”

A sleeping bag.

Oh no.

“Where am I sleeping, Suki?” Y/N asked, placing an empty bowl down on the ground – though it was refilled pretty quickly. “I mean, I don’t have problems with staying warm usually, so it’s fine if I don’t have a sleeping bag, but– “

“Y/N,” Suki interrupted, “You can have my sleeping mat and just lie between two of us just in case the winds pick up.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Crisis averted, Y/N thought as she dug through another bowl of soup. But what kind of crisis, she had to wonder. Crisis or not, she had no trouble getting to sleep under an ocean of stars, laid between Suki and Li. She felt comfortable – content, even – which was new. Perhaps she wouldn’t have too much trouble travelling with the Kyoshi Warriors after all.

And she’d hardly thought about Sokka all evening.

TAGLIST: @lunariasilver @maragreene @bestyearsof5sos @korra-rail-me @moistpotatobear @sporadicalalmondcookie @jaayypasta @animeboysimppp 

[alarawriting]

52 Project #33: Amaldis

Yikes, I completely forgot to post this! Hard day at work. -------------------------------------------

The prince was young and handsome, as they all were, with the sort of arrogant good looks that wealth and power almost always brought.  It was a tragedy that so many of these young men had to die, the old woman thought.  Such a waste. She stepped out into the road, into the pathway of his horse.

The horse reared up as the prince pulled on the reins.  "Out of my way, old woman!"  he shouted.

"Are you going to the capital?"  the woman asked.  She was over 40, but well-fed, clean and well-dressed.  His eyes flickered over her, as if trying to decide her station.

"Yes.  What business is it of yours?"

"Have you come to join? To swear allegiance to the sorceress Amaldis?"

"No."  The prince's hand tightened on the hilt of his sword as fury darkened his features.  "I've come to kill the witch."

"Are you a fool, young man?"  The woman's eyes blazed, and she stepped up to his horse, glaring up at him.  "Threescore young men, brave and noble, have come to Cythia to kill the sorceress, and all of them have died.  Are you so arrogant and foolish as to believe you'll succeed where so many have failed?"

"I don't fear the witch's sorcery,"  the prince said firmly.  "I have a good sword and a trusty mount.  That's all I need."

"Oh, you are a fool.  A younger son? Expendable? You need to do something impossible, to make a name for yourself?"

"She stole lands that belong to my father!"  he shouted, his face purpling.  "My family's honor is at stake!"

"And so you'll die for your family's honor."

"If I die, at least I'll die in glory."

"Glory?" There was cold fury in the woman's voice.  "Let me tell you what glory is, boy.  Glory is a corpse rotting in a field, the crows plucking its eyes.  Glory is your lover weeping, knowing her man will never come home.  Glory is children bereft of fathers, crops burning, women raped, people enslaved.  I spit on your glory."  And she did, spitting on his boots.

The prince drew his sword, provoked beyond endurance, and swung it to behead the woman.  But she wasn't there.  Startled, he looked about himself, trying to find her.

The ground rumbled. The trees lining the road shed leaves in a storm of colors, and the earth began to shake.  The prince's horse reared up in terror, and tried to run, paying no heed when the prince pulled at the reins.  Then a chasm opened at the horse's feet, and horse and prince tumbled in together, screaming.

The chasm closed, and all was normal again.  Except for hoofprints that led to the midst of a meadow and vanished, it was as if the horse and rider had never been.

***

The scene vanished from the focusing crystal as the woman leaned back.  Her apprentice, Joraine, asked, "Did you have to kill him?"

Amaldis turned.  She was a stout woman of peasant stock, appearing to be a well-cared-for dowager of over 40 or so, with wavy black hair and blazing black eyes.  The fire in those eyes died slightly, to be replaced by sorrow, as she spoke.

"Sometimes it can be avoided,"  she told Joraine, a large-boned woman in her late twenties or early thirties. "But not this time.  You heard him.  I tried to get him to turn back, but no.  He was bound and determined to die gloriously."

"It seems so cruel,"  Joraine said. "All these brave young men, in the prime of their lives..."

"Yes.  It is cruel, and a waste.  But it's them or us.  If they had their way, they would make you a serf; condemn you to backbreaking labor all your life, with only the bare necessities of life in return.  Some would demand the right to rape you on your wedding night, or whenever you took their fancy; others would allow their priests to torture you for refusing to spout their doctrines; still others would conscript your sons to die in their wars."  Amaldis shook her head.  "Sooner or later, a group of these young heroes will come together and raise a truly massive army, perhaps a thousand men or more.  That will be tragic.  Because my powers won't be enough to hold them off entirely; and our people will have to fight and die."

"Why do they keep coming if you keep killing them?"

"You heard the one just now.  Honor and glory are worth more than their lives, and they think we stole their land."

"We did steal their land."

"Who gave them the right to own it?"  Amaldis looked hard at Joraine, and some of the fire came back to her eyes.  "We asked people if they wanted to be ruled by lords, or if they wanted to rule themselves.  They wanted to rule themselves, so we extended the borders of Cythia to their areas and let them.  As far as I'm concerned, the land belongs to the people who work it, not the nobles who get fat off it."

"Yes, but I'm saying, from their point of view we stole it."

"Yes.  And so they'll never leave us alone."  She sighed.  "That's why I want you a master sorceress as soon as possible, Joraine. Our defenses are strong, but they all rest on me, and I'm only one woman.  The most powerful sorceress in the world will still die if someone gets close enough to put a crossbow bolt through her throat."

"We have a militia, Amaldis.  They'd die to defend you, and so would I.  Anybody in Cythia would-- all of us love you."

"But everyone else in the world is trying to kill me."

"Don't talk like that!"  Joraine got up, distressed, and looked down at Amaldis.  "Remember the First Rule? 'When a magician and a swordsman fight, the magician will always win, provided she is smarter.' You're certainly smarter."

"Amend that rule. 'Provided she is smarter and makes no mistakes.' I'm 200 years old, Joraine, and I'm tired of being paranoid. I'm tired of constantly scanning to see if anyone is after me.  But I can never stop, because if I die, Cythia dies with me.  Unless you can protect it."

"I'm only 35," Joraine said quietly. "You've got 8 score more years of power built up in you.  Even when I turn master in a few years, I won't have nearly the power you do." She walked around to Amaldis and put her arms around her mentor's shoulders.  "Is something wrong?"

"Yes..." Amaldis stared into space. "I've had a premonition."

"Of what?"

"I don't know. Something terrible.  I don't know..."

Abruptly, awkwardly, Joraine hugged Amaldis.  "I won't let it,"  she whispered fiercely.  "Nothing's going to happen to you, so long as I have breath in my body to prevent it. You're the only mother I ever had, Amaldis, and I won't let you die."

***

Mor rode through the fields and woods of Cythia, heading steadily for the capital.

He was a big, brawny, barbarian type, proficient in any weapon but best with his broadsword, which was unbelievably large.  He came from a country many, many miles away, where he had successfully killed over a dozen magic-wielders.  He had also been offered the position of heir to the kingdom of Lowellan, if he could kill the sorceress Amaldis.  And he had no doubts about his ability to do so.

All this Amaldis could gather just from watching him through the focusing crystal.  It had been three days since the last prince had come, and she'd dispatched him; three days since she'd told Joraine about her premonition. A chill went down her spine, watching Mor ride.  Something about his aura frightened her terribly.  A dangerous man, moreso than any of the others.  She was tempted to kill him now, without even trying to persuade him to turn back.  But she had vowed she would always give them a chance.

So she focused herself, and appeared as an astral image, as solid as flesh but less real, standing in front of his horse's path.  The horse didn't even slow down.  It kept trotting on as if it would run her down, and Mor made no attempt to stop it.

Hastily she stepped back from its path.  If it went through her, it would do her no harm-- but it would reveal her as an illusion. "Will you stop, Mor, and listen to what I have to say?"  she said.

"There is nothing I need to hear from old women,"  he said.

Well.  That settled it, then.  She had given him a chance, and he had spit in her face.  

Amaldis came back to herself, letting her astral image vanish.  She looked deep into the crystal, focused, and spoke a Word.  It resonated in the air around her.  The resonation through the crystal was even greater.  There, the Word whipped the trees and caused the ground to shake.

Mor's mount stood firm, holding in one place as Mor stroked its head.  When the chasm started to open, the horse bolted as fast as it could go in the opposite direction, which happened to be the direction of the city. The chasm stopped widening before it could catch up to the fleeing beast, the power of the Word spent, and Mor and his animal made all possible speed for the city.

Amaldis threw another chasm in their way.  They leapt it, outran its expansion, and kept going.  She summoned demonic familiars and hobgoblins to waylay them.  Mor slew them all.  She cast illusions, which Mor paid little to no attention to; she summoned elementals, which Mor defeated; and she threw murderous obstacles in his path, which he destroyed, overcame, or bypassed.  Amaldis had never seen anything like it.  The man was at the outskirts of the city already, and still moving.  Nothing magical had done more than slow him, and she was exhausted from rapid spellcasting.

Grieving in her heart, she called for a messenger, and told him to tell the militia about the threat. Good men and women would die at Mor's hands, she knew, and if it were merely her own life at stake, she would gladly die in their place.  But she was founder, governor and defender of Cythia.  Without her, morale would be destroyed, the government would become unstable, and Cythia would be wide open and vulnerable to whatever conqueror wanted to take it.  

In her crystal, she watched as the militia went forth.  Then she began preparing for the possibility that Mor would reach her.  She set up some powerful and terrible binding spells, summoned a few invincible creatures from the lower planes, and set them to guard her door.  Then she sent a messenger to Joraine.

"Tell her I want her to go to the belltower and prepare a Spell of Unbinding of Truths," she told the messenger. "When it's complete, I'll examine it."  This particular spell took several hours to complete, and required its caster's full attention.  Joraine had been telling the truth, 3 days ago-- she would even sacrifice her own life to preserve Amaldis'.  Which would leave Cythia without a sorceress, if both of them were killed.  Joraine had to be tricked into leaving the battlefield before the fight began.

That done, Amaldis turned to watch the battle in her crystal.

The militia were getting decimated.  Amaldis sucked in her breath.  How was this possible? Few of them were very good swordsmen, and Mor was the best of the best, yes.  But still. It was impossible that one man could be doing such damage, and taking so little in return.  One man, and not a magic-user at that.  It wasn't even an enchanted blade he held-- Mor's contempt for magic was legendary.  Without assistance from magic, it was just not conceivable that one man, no matter how skilled, could cut his way through an army, no matter how green.  And yet Mor was doing it.

He had to be getting some sort of secret assistance. Amaldis focused in, looking for an invisible familiar, an enchanted item, something.  There was nothing so obvious.  If he had magical assistance, it was subtle and ran very deep.  Sick at heart, Amaldis forced herself to watch the slaughter of her people.  Here is your noble glory, all you young heroes. Here is what you wanted!

When she felt strong enough, she struck again, after sending a messenger ordering the decimated remains of the militia to retreat.  It looked as if Mor would pursue them, and continue the combat until they were all dead, but he changed his mind when she called a thunderstorm down on him, as if remembering that she was his real opponent.

She rained lightning at him, but somehow, impossibly, he always managed to avoid them, fortuitiously moving at the same split-second she initiated the bolt.  As he headed deeper and deeper into the city, people fled, knowing from the stormcloud that their governor was trying to stop the man, and failing.  Amaldis sent all sorts of creatures at him.  He killed them all, and kept coming.  Even when one of her creatures managed to kill his horse, he leapt off the beast and kept coming.

If he were not in her city, she could swallow him with a chasm now, or put a ring of fire around him-- without his horse, he was more vulnerable.  But this was her place, and she couldn't cause such damage to it. She notified the palace guard that he was coming, hoping desperately that he would be tired from the constant fighting, and easier to take down.  She had given the guard strict instructions that if casualties were too heavy, they were to flee.  But she didn't truly believe they would obey.  

The palace guard met and fought Mor.  He was still impossibly skilled-- his battles seemed to have barely blunted his edge. Again, Amaldis scanned him for magic, and this time she did catch a faint whiff.  Quickly she focused her probe, sweeping him up and down, but at this range it still eluded her.  When he got closer, perhaps she would be able to find it, and negate it; but of course, when he got closer she would have other things to worry about.

She began to scream into the crystal, ordering the guard to retreat, as Mor destroyed them.  She appeared to them astrally, pleading with them to run and save themselves, but they ignored her.  Mor was only a swordsman-- they should be able to take him down.  The fact that they obviously couldn't meant nothing, when it was honor at stake.  Tears burned in her eyes.  How many more good people would die for honor's damnable sake?

Now nearly all her guard were dead.  Amaldis steeled herself.  He was coming this way.  One way or another, even if he kills me, he won't live to enjoy his victory.

Then the door slammed open, and slammed shut behind as Mor strode into Amaldis's chamber.

"Time for you to die, witch,"  he said, advancing on her.

Amaldis released the demon guard.  Invincible and tireless, the two launched themselves at him, battering him.  The air rang with the clash of his sword on their metallic armor.  While he was occupied with that, Amaldis searched him magically-- and finally found what she was looking for.  There was a magical luck charm on him, cast before his birth, woven throughout his entire being.  He had never failed at anything.  And there was no way to remove the charm, not without negating her own power.

At this point, Mor defeated the invincible demons by thrusting his sword's point into their mouths. That shouldn't have killed them. But by now, Amaldis knew that the universe was on Mor's side.  If an improbable occurrence was necessary for his survival, it would happen.  If an impossible occurrence, even, was necessary, it would happen.

How could she defeat someone like that?

She spoke a Word, to activate a binding spell.  He hated magic so much-- if she could make him see that he was using magic, perhaps he could renounce the spell, or perhaps he would leave her alone.  It was not very likely, but the only other alternative was to negate all magic, and that would destroy her power, too.  The spell caught Mor tight, holding him motionless. He struggled against the spell, as Amaldis spoke coldly.  "You have such contempt for magic.  But you yourself are a magic-user, Mor of Savann."

"You lie, witch," he grated out.

"No lie.  How do you think it's possible that one lone man can kill over 50? That you miraculously survived everything I attacked you with? It's impossible.  No one else has gotten even as far as the city, much less the palace, except for you--"

She sensed the bonds shattering before it happened.  Somehow, he had broken her binding spell by flexing his muscles.  That's not possible! Amaldis thought, and then remembered that Mor's luck charm could do the impossible.  She leapt out of the way as he grasped his sword and swung it at her.

Amaldis cried a Word of power, and a bolt of light flashed out from her fingertips-- but he dodged. The laws of reality seemed to be breaking down to accomodate him.  She threw up a magical shield, and his broadsword cut it in half.  That wasn't possible, either.

Amend the rule, she thought, gasping, as she dodged another broadsword swing at her head.  The magician will always win, provided the sword-wielding barbarian doesn't have magic of his own.  It was getting harder to dodge, and there were fewer places to dodge to.  Amaldis truly understood then that no magic could stop him.  Even a sudden death spell would unravel against the luck charm placed on him. There was only one thing that could possibly work, and the notion filled her with horror.

There was a secret spell, jealously guarded by the few magicians who knew it.  It was a last-resort weapon in magical combat, intended to take one's enemy down with one.  The secret spell consisted of a single spoken Word, which could negate all magic within a certain radius.  Mor was certainly within that radius.  Unfortunately, by definition, so was the caster-- which was why it was a weapon of last resort.  Amaldis had built up a great deal of power in 200 years.  If she negated Mor's advantage, she lost all of that power, which might end up dooming Cythia as surely as if she died.  And without her magic, she would be no match for him in combat anyway.

The sword smashed her crystal, scattering pieces everywhere, as she ducked behind it.  Then there was a wall at her back, and nowhere to dodge to. Terror gripped her-- this was it. Only one chance-- and even that was more likely to see her avenged than saved.  But it would be enough to be avenged, if that was all she could have.

She said the Word.

The magic drained out of the air.  Amaldis sagged against the wall, feeling suddenly a thousand years old.  For the first time, she could hear the pounding on the door, and realized it had been going on for some time.  

Mor hesitated.  He had sensed the change, apparently, though doubtless he couldn't understand what it signified.  In that moment of hesitation, Amaldis flung herself to the side, and so when the broadsword came down it pierced through her shoulder, slicing away her arm, not her head.  Amaldis screamed.

The door slammed open behind Mor, and there was a flash of light.  Mor dropped, an expression of disbelief on his face.  With rapidly glazing eyes, Amaldis saw through the pain that Joraine was running toward her.  Then it became too dark to see anymore.

***

Amaldis wakened to the sound of Joraine weeping.  "It can't be too late,"  Joraine was saying.  "Come on, heal, Amaldis, heal! Please!"

Amaldis swallowed, and croaked in a hoarse voice, "I seem not to be dead.  How surprising."

"You're back!" Joraine wiped her eyes and looked at Amaldis.  "I brought you back! Oh thank you, Goddess, thank you, thank you..." She hugged Amaldis and began to weep again, this time for joy.

But as memory filtered back, Amaldis could see little cause to be joyful.  She was alive, yes, and Mor was dead...  but the cost had been her power.  The only defense Cythia had had to keep it from a bloody war, and being overrun and conquered, had been her power.  And now it was gone.

Tears welled in her eyes. After all her hard work, all the energy and enthusiasm her people had expended to make her dream a reality, one man with a magic charm could bring it all crashing down.  What was the point to living, if her dream was dead? In a voice like ash, she said, "Joraine, my powers..."

Joraine lifted her head and looked down at her.  "I know. I know."

"Cythia is finished."  There was no strength, no life in her voice, just ruins and despair.

"No-- there's a way. There has to be a way."

"That's wishful thinking.  " Amaldis changed the subject. "How did you find me? I told you to prepare a Spell of Unbinding..."

"The guard-- what was left of it-- broke in and told me you were fighting with that creature." Joraine's voice had an edge of fury to it.  "I couldn't get the door open, at first--"

"His luck charm. It must have kept the door locked."

"When I got it open and saw he'd cut off your arm-- I almost went berserk.  But it's all right now.  I healed you.  Your arm's fine."

"My arm's irrelevant, Joraine.  My magic is gone.  Without that..."

"No! We can buy time. We can keep going on a bluff for a while.  I won't let your dream die like this!"

"Buy time for what?"  Amaldis wanted to be swept away by Joraine's youthful determination, but 200 years of experience had told her that when something was doomed, it was doomed. There was nothing they could do. "It'll be another hundred years before you're powerful enough to defend Cythia by yourself..."

"Then we can't rely so much on magic.  We need to find other solutions."  Joraine got up off the bed.  "We can buy time, like I said.  And in that time, we can recruit more people.  We can train all our citizens to fight and defend the country if they have to. We can try to recruit another magician. If we could get two or three magicians my age, we could all band together.  Besides.  Once people hear you killed Mor, they won't be eager to try you for some time.  No one needs to know you're injured-- and as long as they send in their heroes one at a time, we can pick them off ourselves, the militia and I.  We can send emissaries to other countries, and see if they have superior weapons or magical techniques we can use.  There are all sorts of things we can try, Amaldis.  You can't give up!"

"I'm old," Amaldis said softly.  "I had a dream once, a revolutionary new idea, when I was young.  But I'm no revolutionary anymore."

"You can't give up--"

"No.  I'm not giving up.  I'm passing the torch to you."  Amaldis forced herself to a sitting position.  The change made her dizzy and she swayed.  Joraine quickly moved to prop pillows behind her. "You're right, of course. I'll continue to govern Cythia and to teach you magic-- I still know the techniques, I simply haven't got the power for them anymore.  But you'll be in charge of devising our defense, Joraine.  You're young and creative enough to see new ways of doing things.  I can't anymore."

"I don't think you're as old and decrepit as you think you are, Amaldis,"  Joraine said.  "Is this because you lost your magic?"

"Yesterday, for all my years, I was a young woman.  Today I feel older than time itself.  It has to be you, Joraine.  I-- lost something vital when I lost my power, I think.  Cythia's future is going to rest on you."

"You should rest," Joraine said, moving the pillows back so Amaldis could lay down.  "Go to sleep.  You'll feel better when you're recovered."

"I doubt it," Amaldis said softly, but allowed Joraine to put her to bed.  The last thing she saw, through slitted eyes near the edge of sleep, was Joraine sitting by her bed.  Her face seemed to Amaldis to look like her own had, when she was only thirty and had grandiose dreams for saving the world.  Yes.  The torch was in capable hands.  

Amaldis slept.

[sparksflamesembersashes]

Random musings on 10.18 Find Me

Other Carylers have spoken about the episode and their interpretations of it and what it means for Caryl and their future and I've been sharing those and don't have that much to add to what’s already been discussed. Others have written well thought out and detailed analyses and interpretations and said it way better than I ever could. Most of them have been writing about Caryl forever and I started less than a year ago. I do want to speak to some technical stuff and a few other things, since I never do know when to shut up. Spoilers for 10.18 below the cut.

Brief talk on techie stuff... Wow, the cinematography in the plus six are really taking it up a notch. 10.18 has some of the most gorgeous images in the history of the show. The colors, the framing, and Caryl; separated by a stretch of water that's a literal stand-in for the divide between them, in an episode stuffed with signs and symbols and parallels. "Find Me" has some of the most visually breathtaking shots in the history of TWD... and do you know why? Because the plus six were filmed on digital cameras, for the first time in the history of a show that has always been shot on 16 millimeter film. Turns out, the digital process not only has fewer "touch points" (thanks for nothing, COVID) but it's also cheaper, faster, and easier on the environment.

TWD almost switched to digital for Season 2, and while AK claims now that they can still give it that classic TWD look, in a 2019 interview posted on comicbook.com, she said they were committed to shooting on film to preserve it's look and feel (confirming that film and digital are noticeably not created equal, an opinion/truth they are apparently backing off of, now). If the new episodes look different, its because they are. I am torn between which style I prefer. The grainy, Kodak-y type images of TWD as shot on film are increasingly rare on any screen, simultaneously nostalgic and beautiful and born of toxicity. The gallons of chemicals used in developing standard film are not environmentally friendly and probably need to go the way of the dinosaur. 

Digital is wonderful in its own ways, so minute in its details, and can easily capture images and light conditions otherwise incredibly difficult to duplicate on actual film... But digital doesn't look the same, it doesn't feel the same, in the way that CD's and vinyl records don't sound the same. Purists curl their lip at the new and improved version of the medium, but the truth is,most people don't notice the differences.

TWD has always used the sun and the moon to their best visual advantage and both the celestial backdrops show up in "Find Me." The sun filtering through the trees onto Daryl or in his general direction has made repeat appearances in S10. Is this a metaphor for his finally finding his enlightenment? (Or is it nothing deeper than AMC uses the light to make everything look as cool as possible?) 

10.18 shows us more of Daryl's soul (in a single episode) than we've seen before. His character goes through all sorts of colors, screaming in the rainstorm, grimacing as puppy Dog licks his face, meeting and spending time with this strange, lonely, gruff, almost mirror reflection of himself, someone who is grieving and angry and alone. Fighting with Carol! A real fight, but an honest and not altogether unhealthy one. You gotta work through to acceptance and let go of the past before you can look forward to a future, and these two have enough trauma issues between them to fill a psychiatric journal. They’ve a long, arduous road ahead of them, but they WILL reach their destination. Together.

Daryl throwing the fish at Leah's door and Leah throwing the fish at Daryl are my favorite moments in the episode. I laughed out loud. I did not get the impression that they only encountered each other once every several months, I took it that the time jumps measured the progression of their relationship, i.e. that it took that long for them to warm up to each other. When Daryl did go to stay at Leah's, it was literally out of necessity, as he was getting frost bitten in the woods and probably would have lost at least a digit or two had he remained in his camp.

For the first time, I didn't really enjoy the Caryl banter? (Please don't hurt me.) There was a sadness, a tension, and a sense of loss there I just couldn't shake. Carol was trying to run away from the horrors of the Whisperer's aftermath, and Daryl knew it, and he was annoyed by it. Carol's attempts at lightheartedness seemed forced. I feel like Daryl is a man with a whole lot on his mind at this point, and that Carol is a woman who is habitually trying not to think about the real stuff if she can avoid it. She jokes and banters but she's almost too cheerful... or maybe it just seems that way because Daryl's so grim. Not grim as in we're-all-facing-our-end-of-days-doom grim, but not in a laughing mood where Carol's concerned. He thinks she's running again, and seeing Leah's cabin reminds him that Leah probably ran from him, too. He lost both his brothers, Rick and Merle. Daryl has abandonment issues and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility going back as far as we know. He loses people and can't find them again, no matter how much he searches. 

Revisiting Leah's cabin, the devastation of Alexandria, and everything that's been building up over, about, and because of Carol has pressurized within Daryl till he finally takes a shot, and who can blame him? But he also shows his development and maturity by trying to express his disappointment with controlled words of frustration (compared to camp- or barn-rage Daryl in S2), telling Carol exactly what it is she does that's widening the chasm between them. 

Carol to Daryl early in the episode "I don't want to lose you because you can't figure out when to stop," and Daryl to Carol "That's on you. 'Cause you don't know when to stop.") Daryl doesn't know when to stop searching for his lost brother and blaming himself for things, Carol didn't know when to stop her revenge-fueled pursuit of Alpha. Daryl also tells Carol "That's all that matters. You being right." (after she says she was right to go after and destroy Alpha to avenge her son.) At the end of the ep., Carol says it again: "I was right" (this time about their luck having run out), then she goes to fix the door. 

So now Caryl know and have established what gets each other's goat. That could be a good thing, but tptb will undoubtedly attempt to convince us its a bad thing,, ya think? Neither of the characters knowing when to stop and their mutual annoyance over the fact could be something the show runners milk for a while.

Î wanted to know whether Daryl went back to the cabin after leaving his note, to see whether Leah had returned to it, or not. I want to know what Carol did with the note. Did she take it with her, or did she put it back? They never showed us. Daryl seemed anxious and tense about her finding it, and I did not miss the symbolism of Carol being the woman who eventually finds the note Daryl left behind years ago: "I belong with you. Find me." I mean, how perfect is that? 

Contrary to spoilery bullshit stinking up the Twittersphere, Carol did not seem exactly “upset” at finding the note, though clearly she was sad. She knew exactly what the note was, so Daryl must’ve told her about it, that he left it. Maybe he didn't tell her exactly what it said or everything about Leah, but my impression was that she realized what it was and where they were, and it was all yesterday's news to her. Seeing the note seemed to make her sad for Daryl because she knows Daryl can't handle losing people, and that he punishes himself for failing to help or save people by pushing everybody away and isolating. 

Leah didn't so much choose to be there in the cabin as she ran for her life from a dangerous situation and the cabin was just the place where she and her bitten son ended up.

So many yawning gaps in the Leah storyline. How often did they see each other? Did Daryl move in with her toward the end of their relationship? I felt like he did after the time she found him freezing in the woods, but that he'd leave for days to go look for Rick, or hunt, or who tf knows. Maybe he'd leave to see or meet Carol. Carol knew about Leah, but when? Before, or after it was happening? Why is that important? I just want to know when he told her.  Really hoping they didn’t leave things purposely vague so they can fill in the gaps to screw with us later. 

Timing is everything. Like, how much time passed between Leah telling Daryl to choose, and the time Carol told Daryl she couldn't keep visiting? Or did he leave Leah's cabin and return to it that same day? Which would imply Leah abandoned Daryl practically the instant he walked out the door following her ultimatum. It seems like Daryl was gone a while, it was dark when Leah told him to choose, and daylight in the scene with Carol at his camp and when he was walking in the woods. It could have been days. That makes a difference. Leah was obviously not Daryl's first choice, no matter that he ran back to her in the end.

The fact that Carol knew about Daryl's relationship with Leah is a crafty move on the show runner's part because we can't really be pissed at Daryl if Carol knew about it the whole time and was cool with it.... but we all know now that Daryl didn't tell her everything. 

No one is talking about how Leah obviously abandoned Dog, she left him shut in the damn cabin for who knows how long after she left. And she DID leave. The cabin looked abandoned when Daryl left the note. He obviously went searching for her with Dog, but for how long? 

Not to say there was nothing between them, but I never felt for an instant that Leah had Daryl's heart, or that he ever offered it up to her in the first place, but I am also 100% sure that’s because I’m ride-or-die for Caryl and can’t bear to entertain the thought. No matter what else they were, Daryl and Leah are isolated, damaged, traumatized people who wanted someone to hold on to. Someone to try and forget with. It's not like there were a lot of other people around to choose from.

So did Leah just leave Dog behind because the memories associated with him were too painful? (i.e. he was born on the day Leah's son died) Or did she feel that Daryl needed the companionship and gambled that Daryl would drop by soon and take him in? It really bothers me that she just split and left the dog locked in the cabin like that. 

Grateful they didn't show us anything extra of Daryl seeming to genuinely give a shit, tbh. (Throwing a fish at someone's door, having sex with them, sleeping in their bed or eating their cooking doesn't necessarily constitute giving a shit in this world, just saying.) That was both refreshing (cuz u know, Caryl is endgame), and kind of tragic. I felt like Daryl was rather emotionally detached the entire time, but that Leah was maybe falling in love with him. Not in a good way, but in a possessive, demanding, all-or-nothing type of way. 

How very very clever of AMC to leave us with all these ambiguities. So much room for interpretation, so many gaps to never be filled in. Bastards. On the bright side, all these holes in the story and missing material provide endless new opportunities for fanfic writers like me who can't break free of the bonds of canon. So, yay, I guess?

I am sad to give up the virgin Daryl trope, I was beginning to think that one was ours in canon to keep, but you know, it is what it is. It was a good, long run while it lasted, and I'm grateful we got to write inexperienced Daryl fics while we could still entertain the fantasy that Daryl was actually inexperienced. So, R.I.P. virgin Daryl. I'm not as upset about his getting laid as I thought I'd be (although it was incredibly underhanded, AMC, to pull this shit so very late in the game, there better be a good reason for it). 

All the Leah thing means to me right now is that our man has probably picked up some skills during his time with her, and Carol's gonna be the ultimate beneficiary. Plus, Daryl's evolved over the years from throwing a fish at a woman's door to delivering her dinner on a tray with a flower, so...progress was made, even if he didn't start out with the woman we wish he had. (News Flash: The love of his life was unavailable and actually married to another man at the time, so there's that.) 

There are a staggering number of Caryllels in this episode. Someone once said here that Kang loves her symbolism and they weren't wrong. No matter what's to come, we can be confident about where this road ends. At this point in TWD, to not eventually give us Caryl canon would be the absolute greatest trolling of a fandom in the history of trolling fandoms, and besides, we're getting a spin-off.

Another thing, the fact that Rick and Leah both basically disappeared on him shines a bright light on Daryl's determination to stick to Carol like glue in 10A and B. He was terrified that she was going to disappear on him, too.

What happened to the Caryl fandom following the spoilers wasn't worth it. How many times have we freaked out over spoilers? You think we'd learn. And you KNOW we are valued because AMC went so very far out of their way to provide the vaguest-ever depiction of a sexual encounter for Daryl. Remember the Eugene spying scene with Abe and Rosita, guys? Shane and Lori screwing on the ground in the woods? They could really have tortured us, and they chose to be kind.

I'm looking forward to "Diverged." Honestly, I could give a shit about most of the other characters, but they'll have to make do for us over the next couple of weeks. Just about the time 10.18's been dissected and interpreted to death, Caryl will reappear on our screens and mess with our hearts and minds some more. I can't wait.

Thank you for coming to my rant, and Caryl on! 

[votederpycausemufins]

We’re back with Summoning family! I’m referencing Rustic House Club in this fic, so you might want to go read it, especially the bonus chapter as  it has a bit that leads into this chapter, though it’s not necessary to read.

also ay yo @petrichormeraki ! new chapter!

The moment Jrum had seen Sam, he rushed to the redstoner and attached himself to one of his legs. Grum quickly followed to help pry his younger brother off the man, but Jrum made it as difficult as possible. “I am sorry for my brother. I assume you are Sam?”

“Yeah, that’s me. Can I ask what that was about?”

“Your mask. It resembles that of a creeper in such a way that it makes you resemble someone we are familiar with. Jrum likely saw the mask and presumed you to be him. He is already rather homesick.”

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m happy to help you two. Puffy said you needed help with some redstone?” Sam asked, earning a nod from Grum.

“Correct. We are robots that are powered by redstone. Our circuitry is complex enough that we do not have a way to easily self recharge, thus a charger for us will need to be constructed. Jrum? The blueprints if you please?”

Jrum handed a sheet of paper to Sam. It had various orthographic views of the device as well as interior images and instructions on how to build it. “That’s the tweaked version since our dads could make it smaller.”

Sam looked over the blueprints. “Hmm, yeah, this is gonna be pretty big, but it’s manageable. Do I need to make one for each of you?”

“No, we should be able to share.” Grum replied. “Though two would indeed be a better option, we would not want to force you to do more work, and once we have one charger, the two of us will be able to make a second ourselves without any looming deadline.”

“Alright then, let’s start making this thing.”

Sam took them to an open area which he also explained was where they could build a place to live around the charger. Grum thought that was a good idea as he mapped out the area for Sam and Jrum to start working. Grum also helped out as much as he could, but he had given much of his battery charge to Jrum, and soon it showed.

“You doing okay there?” Sam asked Grum, who’s movements were stuttered and slow. Grum didn’t respond, just continuing to work. “Hey kid? Uh, Jrum I think? Something’s up with your brother.”

Jrum stopped what he was doing and came over, looking at his brother. “Oh… h-he’s in low power mode. I… Grum do you want some of my charge?” Grum didn’t respond. He didn’t want to use any power for it. “Here, let me just connect us up.” Jrum started to pull out a cable, but Grum stopped him. “Don’t. Finish the charger. Instead. I’ll be. Fine.”

Jrum still looked worried, but slowly put the cable away. Sam went back to working, and Jrum almost did as well, but then Grum collapsed, now completely out of power. “No!” Jrum was immediately back at Grum’s side and started shaking him. “Please wake up! P-Please! I don’t want to be alone! W-wake up!”

Sam wanted to comfort the robot, but what just happened showed just how important this project was. So instead he just started working as fast as he could without messing up. Jrum reluctantly joined him after a few minutes, working slowly.

They had almost completed it when Jrum’s movements also became stiff and laggy. Sam paused what he was doing again to be next to Jrum, not wanting to leave him feeling alone. “What. If I. Don’t wake. Up again?” Jrum asked.

Sam gave a comforting hug to the robot. “You will. I promise.”

Jrum slowly hugged the man back. Sam held on until he felt Jrum’s grip loosen, and when he pulled away, Jrum was also completely off, save for the symbol of an empty battery before it disappeared, leaving everything dark.

“Now are you all sure this is a wise decision?” Xisuma asked, admin panel open and ready to send the group of six to Helscraft. 

“Yes! This is probably the last place we have to look!” Tommy shouted at Xisuma, surprising him. “And if we have to fight for them back! So be it!”

Mumbo put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Calm down. This isn’t exactly the first time we’ve lost someone in there. I’m sure if the bots did end up in Helscraft, they’re probably in safe hands.”

Tommy looked over at Grian who gave a sad smile and nodded. “We’ll just need to be a little careful. Last time we were there I got mistaken for someone else, and since that person was the empress of the world, it could happen this time too.”

“Okay, someone good will have the kids, people are going to try and kill Grian, we protect him. Great! Got it! Let’s go!”

Xisuma rolled his eyes but smiled at his newest hermit before sending the group off to the hels dimension.

The group found themselves standing on a small island made of mycelium as well as being on fire. The water surrounding the burning island was a blood red color, though it otherwise looked like water. Mumbo walked over to a chest and pulled out some boats before putting them down. “Alright, we’re heading to that main island in the distance over there.” He pointed. “We’re going to need to find a portal that’s made of something that looks like glowstone, but isn’t. From there we follow a path lined with blue clouds. No questions, just get in the boats.”

The only time Tommy had heard Mumbo that serious was when he was scolding the bots, so he immediately listened and got in a boat, Tubbo getting in behind him. He followed behind the boats Mumbo and Techno were rowing, going towards the main island of the world. Looking at it was a bit jarring. He could tell this was like the hermits’ cowmercial district, but it also looked like it was a part of the SMP with how destroyed and griefed it looked.

Grian led them to a portal that looked like it was made from a golden material with blue magic in the middle. When Tommy went through, he was surprised to see something that looked so much like the standard overworld. Though it resembled a plains biome, something Tommy absolutely hated, it also didn’t with its mint green grass and blue dirt. Trees with light green, blue and navy leaves speckled the land, and unfamiliar mobs roamed the land. There was also one other difference. The place was absolutely freezing. 

“Wh-wh-where a-are w-we?” Tommy chattered out before he was handed a blanket made out of wool. Mumbo had one of his own and was handing out one to each member of the party, save for grian who was using his wings instead. One blanket had been brought for the avian though, and Techno took that one too, as being a piglin already made the overworld chilly, so this was on a different level.

“This is the aether. It’s what they have instead of the nether in Helscraft.” Grian answered. “And while The nether is supposed to be closer to the core of the world, making it much hotter, this place is far up in the air, making it extremely cold. The spawn here has something to make the air here breathable, but outside of this place, you need extra gear to breath for very long as there’s not much oxygen. Fortunately the path we’re going on has something set up, which is why those blue clouds are there. But also do not touch them because it will not end well for you.”

After Grian’s warning, everyone was very careful as they walked the marked path. Beings made of clouds attempted to attack as they walked, but the group had bows that made quick work of the mobs. Finally, as they drew close to the end of the path, a large rustic style mansion stood completely undamaged like the main island had been.

“Alright, now hopefully the bots are there.” Grian said, half under his breath before running towards the mansion. Tommy was the first to run off after him, the others all following behind. Just before they reached the front door, it opened, and Grian walked out.

“Oh! Grian! You came for a visit! How nice!” The second grian spoke before setting down a picnic basket and hugging his double.

“Nice to see you too NPG, but… please tell me you at least thought I would visit.”

The other Grian, NPG, tilted his head. “No, I’m sorry but I didn’t. Was I supposed to know? Did I forget a planned gathering?”

“No… I just… Grum and Jrum… they got k-killed… and their respawn… th-they didn’t show b-back up… w-we thought they m-might be here and…”

“Oh no! That sounds horrible!” NPG covered his mouth in shock. If there’s anything I can do to help, I will. I just need to visit Sense first.” NPG picked up his basket again. “If you want you could come with?”

Mumbo put his hands on Grian’s shoulders. “I don’t think that would be a good idea after their last meeting.”

“What the fuck did this Sense guy do?” Tommy asked, making NPG look over.

“Oh hello! I don’t believe I caught your name.”

“I’m Tommy. These are Tubbo, Philza and Technoblade. Now what about this Sense guy?”

“It is nice to meet you all. Perfect sense is the Hels counterpart to Mumbo here. From what I can tell, the first meeting between him and Grian did not go well at all.”

“How so?” Phil asked, dad instincts cropping up.

“He got extremely handsy with Grian.” Mumbo answered. “To put it lightly, clothes almost came off and Grian was left with a bruise on his neck. After that he tried to kill the both of us along with NPG.”

“Oh I remember seeing that bruise.” Tommy replied. “Now I get why Grian got so upset about my comment about your guy’s love life.”

“I wouldn’t mind meeting the guy.” Phil spoke up. For all we know, he could have some answers about your kids. If he was willing to mess with you before, he could be doing it again.”

“Alright then! Follow me!” NPG started to lead them off before doubling back and grabbing masks for everyone to wear. Once they were on, then NPG started leading the group through the unprotected land. A number of creatures attacked, but the group was relatively safe. 

Eventually they reached a large chasm, the sky below going down for miles, any ground below obscured by clouds. If there even was any ground below. “Okay now this is probably going to be scary for most of you, but what we’re going to do is jump onto this small purple cloud. Once you do, try not to move, there are blue aerclouds below, but it’s not the most fun thing in the world trying to get back to the start. Here, I’ll go first.”

NPG jumped onto the purple cloud and was immediately launched into the sky, rocketing forward until he hit another purple cloud that caused the same effect. He kept at this for a bit before finally landing on another island on top of some while clouds. The robot then turned around to face the others and waved them over.

There was a bit of screaming from some of the group as they were thrown over the chasm by the clouds, glad to be back on solid ground by the end. Once Grian had gotten over - flying instead of using the clouds much to everyone’s dismay - NPG started walking again until they finally reached a clearing. There wasn’t a single mob in sight, but there was a small house made of some unfamiliar wood, similar to what NPG’s mansion had been made with.

“Sense! I’m here to visit again! And I brought some friends!” NPG called out and then there was the rattling of chains coming from inside the building. The group immediately drew weapons, ready to face whatever game out of the building, but they lowered them as someone stepped out.

The man for the most part looked like Mumbo, but there were a number of things that made him different. His hair was much longer and looked matted, with something similar going on with his mustache. He had a blue tie that had stains which Tommy recognized as being from blood. The stains themselves were all near the top of the tie, where a large scar was present on the man’s neck, just above the fabric. His wrists were cuffed, about a foot of chain connecting them and his hands were stained bright red from redstone dust. His feet were in a similar situation, the ankles cuffed and connected, but a much longer chain was also linked to one of the cuffs, leading back into the house. Finally, the man was rather skinny. Mumbo himself was lanky which added to his height, but this man was so thin that some of his bones could be seen and his clothes hung on him loosely.

“Okay! So I got you some beef, though I made sure to soak it in broth all night so it’s nice and soft. I’ve also got some swet gummies that have some essential vitamins as well as some milk and blueberries. And then, once you’ve had all of that, I brought youuuuu” NPG dragged the word out as he slowly pulled something out of the basket. “A candy cane!”

Sense grabbed at the food and NPG was soon helping the helsmit eat. Grian and Mumbo were absolutely horrified at the scene, and even the group from the SMP were taken aback at the state this man was in. He was so weak, he could barely chew without help, which was very different compared to the evil genius Grian and Mumbo had the displeasure of meeting before.

When Sense was done eating, NPG went back to the basket. “So I know last time you said your dust was wearing out, so I brought you a new piece to play with!” The helsmit’s eyes lit up when NPG handed him a bit of redstone dust. He messed with it a bit before putting it away in his pocket, and then pulling out a death ray and pointing it at Mumbo, who was currently standing closest to him other than NPG.

Tommy took a step closer, drawing his sword and immediately the weapon was pointed at him. However, Sense was still weak and his hand was wobbly. Before he could hold it steady, NPG smacked the ray gun out of his hand and put it in his own inventory. “Bad Sense! Next time you won’t get any candy!”

“Did True do this to him?” Mumbo asked, now even more worried about meeting her to make sure the boys weren’t there.

NPG looked back and tilted his head. “What? Oh no. The new emperor did!”

“I thought you said True was the empress again.” Grian spoke. “You said that Sense got dethroned a few days later. Wouldn’t that be True?”

“Nope! Someone different. In fact I’m his second in command! Or running mate. Either works! He didn’t need one since it wasn’t an election or anything, but he insisted. Oh! We should go talk to him and see if he knows anything! He doesn’t really use any communicator so I have to visit him if anything comes up. But if Jrum and Grum are with him, I’m sure they’re just fine since I talk about them so much to him!”

Before anyone in the group could say anything else, NPG led them away and over to a large campfire. Techno raced to it once he could see it and held his hands out to warm himself. “Oh, you don’t have to do this. This will just take us back to the main island. There’s only really supposed to be one, so it takes you back to where you entered the dimension in, but Xannes made more!”

“Who’s that?”

“Oh, that’s Evil X’s name. I get to call him that because I’m his friend!m Anyway, let’s go!”

The group used the magic of the campfire to pull them back into the overworld. NPG Was almost immediately off running towards the castle, leaving the rest of the group to catch up. They went through a number of halls in the castle before finally getting to a set of large decorated double doors. “Okay, so he’s in here. I’m pretty sure he’ll let you guys come in and say hi and ask your questions, but I don’t want to be rude and assume, so I’m gonna go in there and ask.”

Everyone was perfectly fine with that, getting a moment or two to catch their breaths since none of them were robots like NPG. The door was still cracked open, so everyone was able to hear as he spoke to the emperor, so they listened in as they waited and rested.

“Hi! I just finished visiting Sense!” There was a pause, none of them hearing the emperor. “He managed to make a death ray. I think he kept lying when he said his redstone was wearing out. But he wasn’t able to use it on any of us.” There was another pause, this one much shorter. “Oh! Some friends came to visit! Grian and Mumbo had a question for you and also brought their friends along named Tommy, Tubbo, Philza and Technoblade! They were wondering if they could come in and talk with you.”

Everyone couldn’t help but hold their breath at the pause before a small cheer erupted from NPG and he was almost immediately back at the door. “Okay, he said you can come in and ask him things!”

The robot pushed the door open all the way before running back into the room. Grian watched as his creation sat down in a smaller chair next to a large throne centered against the far wall. Tommy gave a quick laugh at the cheery robot before his gaze moved over to the one sitting in the throne and it suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. Beside him, Tubbo was having a similar reaction and both Phil and Techno drew their weapons.

Sitting on the throne was a man. His elbow rested on one arm of the throne as his hand pressed against his cheek, holding his head up. His legs were crossed as well, giving him the look of someone who was bored or just didn’t care. A bandana was tied around his face like a bandit, covering his mouth and nose. A single brown eye was visible, starting down towards the group, meanwhile the other eye and the rest of that side of his face was covered with a mask of white porcelain, a simple smiling face carved into it.

“Dream…” Tommy spoke aloud, his voice trembling.