#bamf jaskier

[jaskier-cult]

human witcher jaskier

imagine, for a second, witcher Jaskier ... who isn't actually a witcher, but he's trying his damned hardest at it.

after he splits from Geralt at the mountain, people keep recognising him as "the witcher's bard," and they think the witcher isn't far behind him. they give him contracts and ask him for help, except ... well, Geralt isn't here, is he? but witchers are a dying breed. how many more people will die before an actual witcher will finally meander into town? Jaskier can't just turn away people in need!

so, what does he do?

he puts down his precious lute, picks up a silver sword, and he uses the long-ago sword lessons he learned as a noble's son to dispatch the nekker's nest.

he employs his own skills and uses the knowledge he gained from Geralt over the years. and he almost dies and gets hurt really badly, but the job is done! he actually did it! and when he goes to confirm the kill with the alderman, he lies and says that Geralt is tending to his wounds while Jaskier picks up the money.

this creates a dangerous pattern of Jaskier unwittingly picking up contracts when given them, even fighting off larger monsters sometimes. he eventually stops lying about Geralt being around and just takes on contracts himself. this creates rumors that travel fast, about a human taking on witcher contracts, and succeeding. and let's just say, actual witchers? well, they're mighty curious about this little human parading around as one of them.

[bardcore-jaskier]

♡ Joey Batey sword fighting ♡

I've been reading witcher!Jaskier fanfics on AO3 lately and I'm one of those people who have a very active imagination so I have no trouble picturing Jaskier fighting with a sword. But I recently came across a TikTok video where someone said that certain people are unable to visualize mental images, it's a condition called aphantasia. So I made the second gif for those who might need a little reference to go off of when reading fanfics. + Even if you don't have aphantasia, it's still a very entertaining concept to feast one's eyes upon!

If you are wondering where I found that clip, it is from a compilation of Joey Batey's scenes in Knightfall on YouTube:

[jeanblack2056]

So. I haven't posted here in a while

But I'm writing a new Geraskier fic! It has a badass omega Jaskier who's seen some shite already, Warlord Geralt who ends up marrying him to prevent war, and a loooot of horny.

This is a little fanart I just drew during a lecture, featuring one of my favorite scenes so far.

[cryptid-called-ash]

Witcher thoughts

Sorcerer Jaskier / Yennefer (version one)

Just after the mountain drama

jaskier get blinded by a bruxa on his way down the mountain.

So he decides fuck it he’s had enough with people for the next decade

He dyes his hair and becomes a pseudo- hermit, throwing himself into perfecting his magic

He starts going by Julian again

Yennefer hears about this mysterious sorcerer living in the mountains who helps the local village and goes to investigate

Lo and behold it’s jaskier

She shocked, confused, but not angry. She can’t bring herself to be. Not when he invites her into his cottage for tea

She very quickly becomes angry, but not at jaskier, no her fury is solely on geralt for leaving jask alone

Winter falls and jask asks yenn to stay with him

They start getting close and before they realize it, they’ve fallen in love

They decide to wed for real

Rip geralt he’s got two angry sorcerer newlyweds to deal with now

Witcher jaskier

Do y’all watch the Witcher George on YouTube? You should. Go watch the school of the leshen video! I’ll wait.

School of the leshen Jaskier.

His dad, Alfred, is also a Witcher of the same school, he had jask before undergoing the mutations.

A 22 year old newly minted Witcher Alfred is out on a contract in lettenhove and runs into the woman he had a one night stand with, and surprise, he’s a father.

She gives a rather neglected 5 year old Julian to his father.

Panicking about his new status as a father, he takes his son back to the elder keep and raises Julian as a Witcher.

 Julian has a surprising affinity for signs, Axii in particular, which he learned to incorporate into his voice. Earning him the nickname ‘siren in the wood’

{oc time} the Witcher Berek Ebonstone is roughy around Julian’s age and the two become quick friends. Even traveling together when they become full witchers

Jul gets sent to study at oxenfurt and bring new information back the the school, where he takes up his infamous persona of Jaskier the bard

Julian is out on a contract in Posada, having just completed it when he meets geralt.

Now Julian, ever the little shit, decides he wants to see what all the fuss over the white wolf is about.

Things play out as normal, albeit with jaskier always seems to have more coin when geralt comes back from a contract than when he left, there always seems to be one less contact too. He’s sure it’s nothing though.

It’s not until the infamous break up that things really change.

Jaskier seemingly drops off the face of the earth.

Berek and Julian are once again hunting together regularly, occasionally interacting with the other wolves but, blessedly, never running into geralt.

Julian knows his luck won’t hold, and he’ll have to face geralt eventually and tell him the truth. But he going to wait until he has no other choice.

[geraskierficrecs]

An Offer You Can’t Refuse Update!

Read the latest chapter here.

Teaser:

His wolf was raging–on the edge of fully feral–and wanted vengeance for all that had happened.

He barely remembered the days that followed learning who they’d captured.  Saving Aiden was only a gift in that it meant Jaskier’s biggest weakness was safely protected by the Kaer pack.  There was no relief knowing that it also meant that Jaskier was captured by Emhyr and surrounded by enemies.

Because he’d tried to save Geralt.

Images of the dark wolf leaping over him to rip into his enemies haunted him.  He thought of how many days he’d spent angry at Jaskier for keeping secrets and hiding his identity from Geralt.  All of it felt vapid and ridiculous now.  Jaskier had never harmed the Kaer Pack beyond the implications of his existence.  Even after Geralt lashed out at him, he’d continued to protect him.

It’s a hell of a courting gift.  Eskel’s words haunted him.

He didn’t want to think about what he’d let slip out of his fingers.  It felt too much like accepting that he wouldn’t get it back again.  Losing Jaskier had erased the feeble lies he’d been telling himself about why Jaskier had been so important to him from the moment they’d met.  It whispered of a truth behind the way his eyes always found the musician in the room and why learning he was gone had nearly broken him.

Mate, his wolf whined.

Our mate, he agreed.

[mytimehascom3]

Please some one help me, I while back I read a fanfic about Jaskier as a dragon, but his father is Vesemir and he has two brothers who are also Vesemirs kids, each son is paired up with one of the wolf witchers. I’ve been trying so hard to find it but can’t seem to. If anyone knows what the name of the fic is or who the author is I would really appreciate it.

[3twindragons]

Jaskier: Gay or European?

[k-laconia-bug1]

A different type au of Fairy tail crossover with Witcher but Jaskier and Lucy are still twins

@thesebrkenbones

When Jaskier and Lucy are 9 Queen Calanthe heard news of Jude Heartfilia neglect on the twins decided to raise them Herself alongside her daughter Pavetta, allowing Jaskier and Lucy Magic to flourish and grow stronger while also not being separated

Calanthe and Layla were best friends growing up growing distance after their respective marriages and are eachother godmother to they're children

Lucy and Jaskier joined the Guild when they were 15 per there mothers wishes and when they were 19 is when tenrou Island happened Jaskier (in pretty much all my au's) is left behind and he wanders the path accepting the odd job here and there when he hears news of what happened he is distraught running back to Cintra to Tell Calanthe when Jaskier turns 21 (2 years into the 7 year timeskip) he meets Geralt

When growing up Jaskier and Lucy decided to learn a secondary magic Re-quip and are nearly as skilled as Erza most to Aquarius assistants along with Calanthe that they don't just use a whip as a weapon

Along with meeting Geralt. Jaskier keeps his magic hidden for 2 years (when Jaskier turns 23 4 years into the time skip) its exposed during Djinn episode right before it can slit Jaskiers throat Jaskier has it knocked out cold with a burst of magic after enchanting Geralt into a deep sleep for 8 hours (suck it Geralt get a full night's rest) with the aid of a wool bomb

Jaskier drags Geralt to Fairytail to explain that he has Ethernanos Magic

Geralt with a tad upset with his Bard for not telling him he understood and invited Jaskier to kaer morhen during the last 3 years of the time skip Geralt and Jaskier have grown much Closer

Geralt helps Jaskier with the grief of losing his twin sister and Wendy

Geralt and Jaskier meet Yennifer on a mission request it was near where they were at the time and it was yennifer simply putting up a request to have a discussion between magics simply wishing to know the differences

Yennifer and Jaskier grow close with a sibling sort of rivalry, and Jaskier Gently tells Yen that Mind Magik is strictly Forbidden as the magic council no matter if it's choas or Ethernanos Magik

Yennifer and Geralt never get together they just have a drink or two whenever to talk about Jask

Aka protection squad

When Lucy meets Geralt for the first time she just knows Gerskier are in love and Lucy approves of the tall witcher

Lucy and Yennifer meet and also grow a sibling bond

Jaskier eases Calanthe rage when the law of surpise happen

Calanthe "Jules you better stay with that witcher make sure my grand baby will be safe"

Geralt when drunk is a Jaskier simp and becomes a big teddy bear just wanting Jask cuddles

[kitsunebattleboxer]

I adore these hc’s so much. May I humbly offer some additions of my own?

While Jaskier is teaching at Oxenfurt, he puts out contracts on just the truly most ridiculous things, like testing the bath houses water to make sure it’s human safe, and yes absolutely sir Witcher you have to get in and take a bath to prove it

And surely we can’t let all this food go to waste, or the gods will curse us for being careless and give us all the ears and tail of a donkey! You cannot change my mind, only a Witcher has this big of an appetite, you must eat it all! (The food being a nice double serving of stew and bread and dessert, maybe some nonperishables to take on the path)

I have no idea how my favorite doublet in the whole wide world got hung atop the East tower, truly no idea at all, but only a strong and agile Witcher can retrieve it now!

And on one very memorable occasion, to open a pickle jar

But the coin is so good that a passing Witcher can’t help but (very warily) look into it, and Jask is even so kind as to pay half up front to prove his genuineness

He earns quite an amusing reputation among his students for this as the professor who wants to jump in every witchers pants

When on the road, between traveling with the White Wolf himself, Jaskier actually makes the acquaintance of quite a few witchers, almost like he can sniff them out from villages away

Occasionally he’ll rent a room for “ the next witcher to arrive” on his way out of town, or he’ll sneakily buy dinner for the brooding figure in the corner without them knowing, or when traveling by an area with a known monster problem he’ll trade some rare witcher potion herbs with a merchant, it’s little things, but he hopes to the gods that they help

The first time he stumbles upon a witcher camp that isn’t Geralt’s, it’s entirely accidental. But the hulking bear is just as surprised as Jaskier, who immediately makes himself at home after a flamboyant bow of introduction

He somehow convinces Junod to meet him in two months time for his Belleteyn performance in Aedirn

Not to mention the very handsome manticore he traded wine knowledge with in Toussaint

Or the quite rude viper who didn’t want anything to do with him after Jaskier dragged his unconscious body from the swamp and saved his life by stitching up his wounds excellently, thank you very much

Jaskier greets a random witcher that Geralt doesn’t even know, with open arms, and Geralt is absolutely flabbergasted when said witcher hugs him back

Witcher/Jaskier Fic Ideas I've not written yet but think should be unleashed to the public

Aiden tells Jaskier the secret to finding the Cat Caravan. He uses that knowledge to fuck with the Witchers

Cats are taught sign language to communicate sneakily- 2 Witchers have a screaming match through only sign to the amusement and confusion of everyone around them

Jaskier hires Witchers for the oddest jobs you can imagine. Shenanigans ensue.

Jaskier talks about wanting to fuck Witchers around Witchers for the sake of amusing them and seeing their reaction

Jaskier pays the Cats to help with the Sandpiper business. It's all good till the Wolves overhear Jaskier telling a Witcher to "take out the elves"

Jaskier writes a series of books called "How to train your Witcher" and it's actually good advice

Jaskier offers to share his inn room with a random Witcher. He either doesn't know or doesn't care that said Witcher DOES NOT trust him in the slightest

Jaskier keeps accidentally bumping into the Caravan on his solo travels. It's awkward every. Single. Time.

Jaskier isn't short on money or time: whenever he hears a Witcher is near he bursts into their rooms or camps- throws money and supplies at them and runs away

Jaskier starts name dropping Witchers in his songs, which is both hilarious and infuriating for said Witchers

Jaskier finds (steals) a dead Witchers medallion from a royal and goes on a wild goose chase to find a Crane still alive so he can give back the medallion to the right school, unaware that they've gone extinct

[spielzeugkaiser]

[MASTERPOST] The companion piece to the last one! When your witcher husband always stays an excitable bard at his core...

[jaskier-cult]

a witcher with blue eyes

(ao3) (tumblr)

There are stories of a witcher with blue eyes.

Geralt was still a relatively new witcher, just five years on the Path, when this rumour appeared, and he was not naïve enough to fall for such fodder.

All witchers had yellow eyes. This was a given. None of the witcher schools had the exact same mutagens. Every school was slightly different, imbuing their witchers with the characteristics of the wild beast they represented – the cat witchers, with their purring, and the bears, with their excessive body hair – but all witchers had yellow eyes. That was how it was. That was how the mutagens worked. That was how a witcher could be recognised.

A witcher with blue eyes.

Geralt scoffed.

[bardcore-jaskier]

♡ Challenge for Netflix: stop treating Jaskier as comedic relief ♡

(I made this post piggyback riding off of my last one, like a part two if you will.)

Ok, so you know how Jaskier always seems to get into trouble? And either Geralt and as of season 2, now Yennefer as well, always seem be rescuing him? Even Jaskier himself made a joke about it to our beloved witch.

- "You don't get to play damsel in distress. That's my job."

Sadly, it paints a little bit of an unflattering picture of him to the audience, making many of us wonder (well, not on this side of Tumblr, we know he is a badass motherfucker) about how he survives whenever he is not by a strong witcher's/sorceress's side.

Have you considered though....

That the entire series is written and shot from the POV of ridiculously powerful individuals and Geralt in particular, being the main character of both the books, games & the series, has an extreme savior complex, more so bordering on a martyr complex.

In the Netflix Witcher series and unlike the books: Geralt's friendship with Jaskier started off rocky until he begrudgingly accepted that he can not get rid of the bard, eventually becoming a little fond of him, appreciating Jaskier's loyalty above every other quality Jaskier has, which makes Jaskier easy to trust. (However it is still apparent that their friendship is a little, if not a lot, one-sided)

Obviously Geralt doesn't want Jaskier's death or severe injury on his conscience, which is why he jumps in every time he senses danger, to save him before anything bad happens.

We as the audience only see Netflix's or rather Lauren's version of the story about a scorned hero who has a fragile, trouble magnet, human friend he feels responsible for. When in reality, the only few instances Jaskier wouldn't have survived without outside help were a) the Djinn, b) Rience, c) the opening scenes of Blood Origin.

Other than that, Jaskier is actually a VERY competent person! Alas, not much of that competence was shown on screen, we got mere crumbs of it to be honest. Like how despite being a flowery pacifist, he is braver than most + apparently he is a beefcake too. At 18/19 years old, he wasn't scared of approaching a witcher who at the time, was rumored to be a murderer. He always finds a way to stay lighthearted during the most dire of situations, always getting right back up with a smile or a snide comment after every traumatic experience, as if it never happened. (Is he like immune to PTSD or something? Nothing brings him down.) He even managed to start an elf smuggling operation for fuck's sake!

During the finale episode of season 2, many seasoned witchers died in battle at the hands of Voleth Mier, his chances of surviving were beyond slim. Any other normal human being would have dropped that damn jasper and ran for their life, but not Jaskier! No sir! He crawled his way towards Geralt under a wooden table, as monsters and witchers alike dropped to their deaths around him, all to help his friend!

In the books, Dandelion is presented to us as a smooth talker, able to get himself in and out of almost any kind of trouble with words + charisma alone. He is an Oxenfurt professor, has worked for the Redanian intelligence, he has connections all over the continent.

And I really hope that we will get to see all of that in future seasons, I hope that Geralt's attitude towards him changes, I hope that Jaskier gets the respect he deserves! Because after season 2, I am going to keep watching the series only for Jaskier alone. Also Yennefer. I do not much like Geralt and Ciri in the live adaptation at the moment.

[jeanblack2056]

So... I'm writing another fic 😀 And yeah, I do vent a lot. Be prepared for angst, insecurity, asexuality and lots more!

A little taste of the first chapter!

We Are All Bound Together - Ch1 - Solitary Bard

Jaskier has been through many shitty situations in his life before. And he always made the most out of them, as a bard should. Every inconvenience, every sadness, every burst of anger or fear, all of those were perfect for weaving into a song. Adding the right words and melody to those struggles was part of how he lived. How he overcame them. He always welcomed the hard times because a piece of him believed that every experience and every feeling was precious to him as a creator.

But this moment right here? This overwhelming pumping of blood he heard in his ears? This muddy feeling wrapped around his brain? The confusion, the tears stinging in his eyes? That terrible, excruciating pain as he felt his heart split in two? The betrayal? The echo of those words returning to him again and again in a muddy painting? All of this he would have gladly lived without.

He tried to dry the tears with the sleeve of his doublet, but more just poured out so he gave up. He was walking down the damn mountain, stumbling over the stones in his way, not caring about the sounds coming from the bushes around him as he pushed through the wilderness. He only stopped when he couldn’t see anymore and then he sat down on the ground, leaned on the tree behind him, and let out a long shuddering breath.

What was he supposed to do now? 

[a-prompt-archive]

If The Witcher took place in modern times, Jaskier would win the Eurovision song contest.

[geraskierficrecs]

New Story Alert!

I caved and started a new two-shot story featuring a very feral bard.  Enjoy the whump and angst.

Check out the first chapter here.

Teaser:

Priscilla huffed out an aggrieved sounding sigh that made him smile faintly up at the green leaves above him.  “I still don’t think this was a good idea,” she said, repeating an old argument.  “You’re too exposed out there.  Especially now that–”

The clumsy attempt at cutting herself off before she completed the thought was enough to pique Jaskier’s interest.  “Now that what?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Don’t be coy.”

“You don’t want to know about it,” she said.  “That’s what you asked for.  A disconnect.”

There was only one topic Jaskier had sworn to avoid and the thought of it, of him made the smile drop like a stone from his face.  He closed his eyes and forced his breathing to remain steady, knowing Priscilla was like logging every change in his voice.  “Is he hurt?”

The image of Geralt lying dead and abandoned was the sort of madness that inspired his darkest nightmares.  They were the nightmares that left Jaskier shaking and hollow eyed for days afterward.

“He’s…” she sighed, the sound staticky over the cheap phone speakers.  “We don’t know.”

“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?”

The illusion of control was crumbling in his grip like grains of sand.  He lost his battle against the panic threatening to overwhelm him and let it roll over him in waves, searching for the colder emotions lurking beneath the surface.  Anger.  Rage.  Vengeance.

Priscilla’s voice spoke over the thundering of his heartbeat in his ears.  “He went missing two weeks ago.  We haven’t been able to make contact with him.”

“Two weeks?” he repeated.  “Why wasn’t I informed?”

“You’re out,” she said.  “You gave up your chance to be informed.”

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon - Mistakes

(More Feral!Jaskier)

Jaskier usually spent his winters in Kaer Morhen. He liked the illusion of solitude, where he could drift around the endless corridors, letting his mind wander and invent scenarios that he could use to inspire ballads and poems.

He could stay up into the wee hours every night, scribbling away in his notebook as the muses whispered to him in the quiet of his small room.

He could sleep late into the morning after the muses finally allowed him to sleep, and then drag himself down to the Great Hall for some strong tea and whatever was left over from breakfast.

He could spend a few hours with his Witcher friends, laughing, telling stories, and helping with chores. Witnessing the brotherhood humans didn't think them capable of.

He could stare out the window, singing softly to himself, working out a tune or the lyrics to a song.

He could scribble down random thoughts inspired by watching the sun move over the landscape, or from the feeling of the snow falling on him, or the sounds and sights he experienced while riding with Geralt in the woods around the Keep.

The way the snow clumped on a branch, the sound of Pegasus's hooves in the snow, the crisp chill of the air on his cheeks, the silence of the woods as the snow fell around him, all of it was fodder for his creativity.

He could live in a room that was a mess of scattered piles of parchment organized in a way that only he understood.

He could forget to eat, and comb his hair, and shave, and change his clothes for days at a time. There was no one there who would care if he let his personal standards of grooming slip.

He could live his lonely, tortured artist aesthetic to his heart's content.

But then, one winter, his pleasant routine was interrupted. There had been a few times when the subject of Jaskier being able to defend himself had come up. He had always bushed the conversation off.

Bards were an important part of society! They were the Keepers of History! News Bringers! Stewards of The Arts! King-Makers! They were practically a protected species! Besides, who would dare harm a bard who is friends with a whole pack of Witchers?

Inspite of his protests, Jaskier still found himself being pushed out to the training grounds at the ungodly hour of almost noon. Coen was determined to teach him at least some basic sword skills.

Jaskier had stood there shivering, and holding the wooden training sword out at arm's lenght as if it were a snake that might curl up and bite him. He'd whined and complained while Coen showed him how to hold the sword, and adjusted his stance. Jaskier continued to natter on as the Witcher took him through a few basic moves.

Coen had tried giving Jaskier different weapons. The bow had been a bad idea. Jaskier's aim was so bad it was almost comical. Coen hadn't even dared to think about handing him an axe, or a spear.

Coen found himself growing incresingly frustrated with the bard as the weeks went by. Jaskier showed very little improvement. He spent the majority of the training time whining about training, making jokes, and putting in lackluster effort.

Jaskier had shown only mild interest in each of the weapons. It was the novelty and an interest in the physics and mechanics of the weapon that grabbed his attention. When it came to seriously training with one, the fun went away, along with Jaskier's interest.

The other Witchers would sometimes come along to watch and offer unhelpful advice, make jokes, and try to encourage Jaskier.

Lambert could always be found watching the awkward training sessions. It was good entertainment. And then things got really interesting.

Coen was chasing Jaskier around the courtyard, trying to get him to use some of the moves he'd been showing him. He was usually a patient teacher, but Jaskier had a knack for being incredibly irritating.

Maybe it was the way he acted so fussy and prissy, as if his hands were too delicate to hold a training sword. Or the way he babbled ceaselessly, making jokes or complaints. Or perhaps it was how he seemed so flippant about being able to defend himself, as if he refused to acknowledge the imprortance of it.

Coen finally lost his patience. He started getting into Jaskier's space, pressuring him. The bard had squeaked and backed up, swinging his wooden training sword wildly. He'd yelped as Coen smacked him with his sword, giving him a surprised look. He'd backpedaled, holding his arm, and Coen had hit him on the thigh, then sent him sprawling to the ground.

Lambert had stood up, uneasy as Coen swung down at Jaskier's head, growling at him to get up as the bard scrambled frantically to get out of the way.

"Get up you lazy s*d! Do you think this is a game? Do you think I'm doing this for fun?" Jaskier had swallowed, twisting up to his feet and yelping again as Coen hit him across one shoulder. He was covered in bruises, some old, some very new, and they ached in the cold. He barely got his sword up in time to haphazardly block Coen's next swing. The Witcher contined to go after him, "Stop running away and start fighting back!"

"Coen, stop! I don't want to-!"

"Geralt and Yennefer aren't always going to be there to do the fighting for you!"

"Coen," Lambert said, an odd note of warning in his voice. "He's a bard, not a Witcher. He hasn't been in anything more dangerous than a drunken bar fight."

"And that's why he needs to learn how to actually fight! He might be able to handle a drunk, but a sober enemy is another matter! He can't spend every fight he gets in flapping around uselessly like a terrified chicken while Geralt or Yennefer do the fighting!"

Coen went after the bard, driving him around the courtyard, not letting up. Jaskier frantically stumbled back, parrying and trying keep his feet. His mind was a storm of panic. He needed to get away from Coen fast, or things weren't going to end well. He desperately looked for an escape route, tried cricling to the doors to the Great Hall, but Coen was always there, blocking his way.

The bald Witcher pushed him towards a corner. Jaskier yapped as Coen hit him hard on the side then shoved him into the wall.

"Coen, back off! He's-!," Lambert warned, having seen a familiar look in Jaskier's eyes.

"F**k off, Lambert!"

"No, you ar*ehole, listen-!"

"I said to f**k off!"

"Fine. It's your funeral," Lambert muttered, crossing his arms and leaning against a training dummy.

"Coen, stop!" Jaskier pleaded, a weird edge to his voice.

"Or what? What are you going to do? Go crying to Geralt or Yennefer? You think an enemy is going to politely wait until they get there?" Coen growled, shoving him roughly.

"Please...just stop..." Jaskier had said quietly. Tears started welling up in his eyes.

"Don't start that crying sh*t! You aren't getting out of this!"

Coen shoved Jaskier into the wall again and cuffed him hard on the ear. Jaskier let out a surprised sob, trying to curl in on himself, one hand going up to hold his ringing ear.

"Yennefer is going to-!" Jaskier began.

Coen slapped his hand down and grabbed his jaw, pinning his head to the wall. "Going to what? Be mad? Go ahead and cry for her, I'll kick her a*se around the yard too!"

And that was when Jaskier snapped.

He twisted and bit The forearm Coen was holding him with, the shoved the Witcher away.

Coen saw the flash of the push knife barely in time to avoid being gutted. He staggered back, bleeding but with his guts still on the inside.

Jaskier switched the push knife to his off-hand, scooped up his dropped training sword, and slammed the pommel hard into the crest of Coen's hip bone. Coen cursed and went down as pain exploded in his hip.

Lambert ran to help, yelling for Jaskier to stop, and had to twist abrutly to the side to avoid the thin throwing knife that whistled past him. The little sh*t had throwing knives too?! F**k!

Coen kicked Jaskier away from him, groaning as the pain in his left hip flared sharply. Jaskier rolled in the snow, gained his feet, and jumped on Coen.

He was going for another push knife when Coen smacked him hard on the side of the head with the flat of his sword.

Jaskier reeled, disoriented, and dropped his knife. Lambert kicked it away, and helped Coen pin Jaskier face down on the ground.

The bard was still trying to fight them, even though his head was swimming from the blow.

"What the f**k?" Coen panted, checking his bleeding stomach, leaning heavily on the struggling bard. The wound wasn't too deep, but it would need stitching. His hip, on the other hand was killing him. "What the absolute f**k?"

"I told you to leave him alone!" Lambert panted back. "Did you think I was joking? You alright?"

"Yeah, just a cut and I think I have a hip pointer. Mother of-! Yeah, " Coen said, lightly touching the large hematoma on his hip, "It's definitely a hip pointer. F**K it hurts like a b*tch!" Coen paused as something Lambert said caught his attention. "You knew this was going to happen, didn't you, you ar*ehole!"

Lambert shrugged. "I tried to warn you, but you know, sometimes you just have to learn from your own mistakes."

"You're such a jacka**!"

"Calm the h*ll down, you daft b**tard! " Lambert snapped at Jaskier, who continued to desperately struggle and snarl. "We aren't trying to hurt you!"

"Aww, f**k, he's bleeding!" Coen said, spotting the bloody bruise on the side of Jaskier's head. He scooped up a handful of snow and gently pressed it to the lump. Jaskier flinched, then got quiet, distracted by the coldness of the snow. He lay still, letting the cold soothe the intense ache in his head. His head was swimming, and he felt nauseated. Familiar voices were talking to him. His bruised brain recognized the faces leaning over him. Friends! They looked worried...oh d*mn, something was wrong with him!

Lambert and Coen cautiously rolled him onto his back. Jaskier blinked and squinted, then reached for his head with a pained moan. "Shhhh, here, Songbird," Lambert said, holding a fresh handful of snow to his head wound.

Jaskier flinched and clutched at Lambert's sleeve, fear and confusion swirling in his dazed, unfocused eyes. "Easy, easy! It's alright!"

"We should probably get Geralt."

"He's going to be p*ssed!"

"You want to get Yennefer instead?"

"F**k no!"

"Eskel?"

"He went out hunting,"

"D**n it!"

Jaskier, throughly concussed, disoriented, scared, and in pain, called for the only person his foggy brain could remember at the moment. Unfortunately, his bruised brain was having trouble matching a name with Vesemir's face. What was it again? Oh, Yeah!

Jaskier's mouth worked for a second, and then he whimpered, "pA!!!"

Lambert and Coen felt the panic only older siblings feel when they 'accidentally' cause their younger sibling to start crying. Lambert slapped a hand over Jaskier's mouth and hissed "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh! You're okay! Shhhhhhhhhh! " He and Coen sat absolutely still. Listening.

"It wasn't very loud...maybe he didn't hear...."

Vesemir: *busy roasting some venison*

Vesemir: *hears The Voice Crack*

Vesemir's brain: *Mental image of baby!jaskier*

Papa Vesemir: I must go! My adopted grandpup needs me! *yeets his hand embroidered "I'll Feed All You F**ks' apron and flies to the courtyard*

Coen and Lambert were just about to relax when Vesemir was suddenly there, looming over them. And if that wasn't bad enough, Geralt appeared barely a second later with an unhappy growl.

Lambert looked at Coen and knew he was thinking the exact same thing: Oh, we're f***ed!

Coen was lectured by Vesemir as his injuries were treated, while Lambert escaped the dressing down because he was considered an innocent bystander who'd tried to help. He spent his time helping Geralt clean up Jaskier's head wound and get him to drink a watered down healing potion to take care of his concussion.

Coen had limped in later, to see how he was doing, and found out that Geralt, Aiden, and Lambert all knew about Jaskier's feral side. They showed him their scars from their encounters, except for Lambert ( because his weren't in a place that he could exactly proudly display), and Aiden, who didn't have any scars because he had been present when Geralt had gotten his.

They then swore him to secrecy, as was the tradition now. Eskel would have to find out on his own not to f**k with the bard.