#it takes up a reasonable amount of my brainspace

[wri0thesley]

haz's powerchair is going to cost a little more than we budgeted for so i'm probably going to open some emergency commissions in a week or so just to make up the shortfall. i need to go through my commission rules and prices and things and tweak it a little (with the exchange rate so SO bad i'm gonna have to start charging in pounds instead of in dollars and i wanna set up a google form i can send people to instead of asking all my questions in dms because. oof.) so pls if you are interested in commissioning me keep an eye out for that!

[elliegoose]

man i have really gotta stop caring what online MLs think. i sometimes hate-scroll through ML blogs because i find their positions morbidly fascinating, but at this point an unhealthy amount of my brainspace is taken up by refuting their politics as if somehow that's a relevant thing i'll actually ever need to do in everyday life outside of incredibly niche radical spheres.

i'm not even strictly speaking an anarchist. though i consistently find myself sympathizing most with left movements that are either directly anarchist or cite anarchism as an influence, easily half the reason i find MLs so fascinating is that i really do wish i thought it was a genuinely good alternative to capitalism. however, i am fundamentally not going to be convinced that giving a single party organization sole, irrevocable power over an entire state apparatus is a good idea, and at a certain point for my own peace of mind i need to stop taking people who believe that's a good idea seriously.

[growinguparo]

Hi! I just wanted to jump in and say thank you, because your blog has actually helped me a lot recently. I read your post from a while back (like a WHILE, 4ish years ago) about the aro/ace future and what that looks like as we get older. I’ve been coming to terms on and off in the past few years about how averse I am to relationships and dating, and with the fact that really don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life. But you very nearly articulated the main concern: what happens when everyone else is wrapped up in their marriages and their families I am truly alone? I’m still not sure that the aromantic identity is accurate for me, but it feels pretty close and so thank you, again, for opening this world up to me and putting words to my feelings. :)

Aww thank you for telling me!! 💚

I still feel the way I did when I wrote that post, although it occupies less of my brainspace than it used to. However, I will take this opportunity to talk about the big thing in my social life that changed since 2020: I dove hard into my local community. Any local community will do I think, but the main one for me was my local trans community. I was also in a community music ensemble, I spent a couple years in a survivor support group, and I went to local queer events. I valued those communities highly enough that they were the main reason I was upset to be moving to a new city.

Community made a huge difference for me. I wasn’t really friends with any of them exactly (like I rarely hung out with any of them outside of whatever thing we had together), and community definitely doesn’t occupy the same niche of social requirements as friends or a partner. But it HELPS. It helps with social support, feeling connected to other people, having regular social interaction, and (crucially imo) meeting people who are older than you in a peer environment instead of one where they are of higher status than you.

I know so many trans people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, even 70s, from my local trans community - variously single, married, divorced, multiply divorced, dating, polyamorous, nonamorous, etc. It really broadened my view of what people older than me are actually doing in real life, not just what the twenty-somethings around me anticipate they will be doing when they are that age. People who are like me too, queer transgender people who will never fit the conventional narrative. It enriched my life in a way I wasn’t expecting.

I still don’t know what an aroace future looks like and it’s still scary but at least now I know that mine will include local communities and that I can get a fair amount of the social fulfillment I’m seeking from them.

[violentt-violett]

Ben 10's middle name

Something I wanted to bring attention to before I clock out tonight.

So I'm a massive fan of Ben 10. It was one of my favorite shows growing up, and I can say without a doubt that it not only encouraged my love of superheroes, but also my love of sci-fi and outside-the-box creature design.

Because I'm sad, Ben 10 trivia takes up a massive amount of my brainspace, and one of those pieces of trivia is that Ben's middle name is Kirby. In isolation, this always seemed odd to me, as I generally associate the name with the Nintendo character. It wasn't until very recently that I learned the name's true significance.

Another piece of trivia that I know is that Ben 10's creators: Man of Action, are a small writer's collective founded and owned by four comic book writers and artists. And with that context it might be a bit more obvious that that unusual middle name is instead an homage to a very different person called Kirby.

Yes. That Kirby. *The* Kirby. Jack Kirby, the co-creator of pretty much all the major Marvel characters and teams you can name off the top of your head. The guy was a legend in his own lifetime, and for good reason, and I'm sure many of us know how tragically that all turned out.

But more than just being a legendary artist and passionate creator, something of particular note here is an artistic technique attributed to him called the "Kirby Krackle".

Those pop-art-esque dots were all over the guy's work, especially when depicting cosmic power for the Silver Surfer or even his Fourth World works over at DC.

And they're very familiar to Ben 10, too.

So thank you, Jack Kirby, for all that you did to drive the comic book medium and the superhero genre forward, and all those that you inspired to continue in your footsteps both on the page and on the small screen.

[idolshineitai]

⚔️ 💀✂️

SAW THIS ASK AND GOT IMMEDIATELY SO EXCITED IT FELT LIKE I COULD THROW UP. rabbiting heartbeat. IM SO RHGHGJHJNJBMGN. thank you beloved :3

from this ask game!

⚔️ Fav Gt9 quote?

THIS ONE IM ACTUALLY UNSURE OF. in the end it’s probably something from the pool scene. almost definitely the one about harrow consenting to being ritually drowned but thrashing away from a hug (not gonna go grab my book copy right now but you get the gist). im in the middle of rereading GTN and it took a while to finish the first time, so there are MANY good tidbits, hints, and clues that totally escaped me then! so many bangers too. Properly enjoying them now 👀 i will also say that “ghosts and you might die is my middle name” is currently consuming a lot of my brainspace <3 I Love Gideon Nav The Regular Amount (Which Is A LOT)

💀 Fav Ht9 quote?

again. so many good good GOOD ones. thinking of the entire last dance exchange. thinking of “Around you, people would go back and forth, giving you the widest berth possible, ignoring you so entirely that at one point you were convinced you were dead. With that conviction, you had felt only intense relief.” because it makes me want to TEAR MY HAIR OUT. but i really really have to give it up for *gestures at my current bio* “There were a couple of callouses now on those soft necromancer’s palms, and I was proud of you.” THIS IS FOR A MULTITUDE OF REASONS and half of them are praise kink /j NO NO NO OK SO. god, just… the fact that gideon could be PROUD of harrow for ANYTHING. the fact that it’s this. the distinction of “soft”, to call harrow of all people in any way soft, and to be a “soft necromancer” even just in reference to the flesh… the pacing, the timing, where this line falls 😭 like ok my girl ok. i genuinely am considering getting this one tattooed but i need a good design for it. I WAS PROUD OF YOU!!! she can be SO mad at her and still PROUD of h— *dies on the spot*

✂️ What is the best hair length on Harrow?

SHORT. FUCKING OBVIOUSLY IT’S SHORT. i can admit that the slightly longer hair is cute on the HTN cover, and nona’s braids are fucking awesome for NONA, but for harrow? the length of her hair is something that she kept up with meticulously — every one of her most devout people had their hair cropped close — and the way that her hair DOES grow longer is bc she gets too damn sick to take care of it, and bc someone magically manipulates her hair for fun. WITHOUT HARROW KNOWING. to me it’s a companion to the autonomy-stealing haircut (i think there’s an actual real life term for this, or at least a trope one, but can’t recall it rn. that’s also… very gender-y to me). this new length actively distresses harrow, who doesn’t have the wherewithal to comprehend the unfamiliar sensory experience and who is already dealing with a Whole Fucking Lot. so yeah. it’s short. it’s the short hair. i love my darling girl.

thank u so much stein im actually indebted to you now /j. infodumping is my life’s greatest joy and this felt SO GOOD to talk abt !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🫶

[athalantan]

Naturally half my brainspace all day has been dedicated to thinking about El. Specifically what exactly they look for in an apprentice and how they go about looking for it. Too many who wish to learn from them are only interested in increasing their power. El is also very busy, has had difficult experiences surrounding apprenticeships (both being an apprentice and having apprentices), etc [hand waves] Point is they accept only a small percentage of those who seek an apprenticeship with them. A very small percentage.

For the purposes of this discussion, we're of course not counting anyone El raised and anyone El was divinely directed to instruct. If you grow up with El, you're guaranteed to learn a few spells. (i.e. Lhaeo being an illusionist) And of course if Mystra directed them to teach someone, they teach them. They do so as they deem appropriate, but they do it.

For anyone else, though, they'll be hard-pressed to find El in the first place. I wouldn't say they're difficult to find normally. But if they're choosing to avoid you? You'll sooner see snow in Hell. You either have to be very persistent or very creative to get their attention. Better yet, both. As many practitioners of the Art, young or old, are afflicted with fatal amounts of pride, the majority give up without ever laying eyes on El.

For the few who do come face-to-face with the Old Mage, El is basically gonna Mr. Miyagi them. They're gonna saddle the person with a stream of banal tasks. Some tedious, some simple, but all hideously mundane. They will likely feel they're being treated as a lackey. El's purpose in this, however, is to test what sort of person they are, how they respond to different situations, and how they solve problems. They're getting the measure of this individual. That is far more important to them than what skill in Art they might be bringing with them.

In fact, prospective apprentices who approach all tasks with a spell to hand will be told to hit the road. The exception is if they apply the Art in creative and thoughtful ways. El will still wish to address this tendency in the future; over-reliance on magic serves no one. Really El wants to know how prideful are they? How focused are they? Can they multi-task? Can they admit deficiencies? How do they compensate for said deficiencies? Are they open to criticism and learning new things? How do they take failure? How about repeated failure? What sort of control do they have over themselves? How do they approach problems? They'll set as many tasks as they need over as long a period as they need to get a sense for who this person is. To get a sense for whether they can teach them. Skill in the Art is of no consequence; talent in the Art is of even less consequence. That can be addressed with dedicated effort. But, are they going to put in that effort?

If El accepts someone as an apprentice, they'll do a further diagnostic to see where their skills are. Then they structure their teaching program around their needs and goals. Their approach to each apprentice is unique, entirely tailored to them. Well, using the word "structure" is perhaps generous. El can be chaotic — often intentionally. Consistently is key to success, which is why it's important to know how to maintain consistency when circumstances are against you. El teaches their apprentices spells, sure, but more importantly, they teach them habits and strategies and philosophies and ways of thinking critically. Their favorite students are the ones who think critically about El's own teachings and will challenge / debate them appropriately. Not disrespectfully or just to be a contrarian but genuinely giving it thought and presenting reasoning. They want their students to think for themselves.

Those prospective students who are promising but simply will not do well under El's tutelage are given a recommendation. El gives them the name or location of another mage (rarely both, finding the right person is part of the quest), gives them a letter or token or something of that ilk, and sends them on their way. There are three primary benefits to this. One, of course, is that anyone with a recommendation from El is all-but guaranteed an apprenticeship; no mage worth their salt will overlook that. Another is that you have someone who's taken the measure of you intentionally pairing you with a master whose teaching style will suit you; they are putting you in an environment to flourish. The third is that you can be assured your prospective master won't be abusive. It is far too common for masters to abuse and exploit their apprentices, and to kill them if they're perceived as a threat. El has been on the apprentice end of those dynamics more than once. If anyone, master or apprentice, receives their recommendation, it is someone they are reasonably certain will not feed into that cycle. (I say "reasonably" because people still surprise El all the time. Not always for the better.)

[lex1nat0r]

#Dungeon23 Post-Mortem

I made a dungeon room for each day of 2023! Not necessarily on the corresponding day, but the result is the same! How'd that go for me? Well...

I ran into a couple of difficulties while making my megadungeon for last year. The first, the big one really, was that I felt that each room had to be punchy. Because there are only 7 days in a week - meaning only 7 rooms for that week - it felt like each of those 7 had to be special and have a decent amount of description. That got pretty exhausting as the year went on.

Related to that problem is that it distracted me from my actual (bi-)weekly (vaguely) megadungeon-focused campaign. I love coming up with dungeons but I only have so much energy in a week and the two obligations ended up fighting for my attention, leaving me bouncing between the two in a way that I think both came off the worse for.

A more minor issue is that 28-31 rooms per level does not feel very megadungeon-y to me. It came off as too easy to clear a level and while restocking is a thing it still bugged me. Along with that, 28-31 rooms feels on the small side to allow random encounters (where are all those monsters coming from?). This frustration came out in making one of the levels the buried city of Columm-Herzik and the final 'level' an entire other plane (which I tried to give its own character but it did end up as Just Hell Again). Both of those are larger than a standard dungeon level and allow for more movement of creatures into and out of the dungeon as a whole. I suppose this is a miscalibration of expectations on my end - the product of this exercise should not be an infinite arcane labyrinth but a very large dungeon that should still be able to support a whole, if relatively short (i.e. not multi-year) campaign.

This is not to say that I regret doing it. The upshot of this whole year is that I now have a relatively runnable dungeon I can just drop on the table when I need it. The dungeon still needs some cleaning up (and a NAME), but in a pinch I can make it work whenever I need to. For this year, I'm doing what I guess is #Hex24. The idea is that a hexmap won't take competing brainspace with what I'm trying to do for my (bi-)weekly game(s) so hopefully by using different creative channels I'm able to keep energy up. Operating on the assumption that part of my problem with #Dungeon23 stems from trying to keep the dungeon more system-agnostic and hypothetical, I'm also going to aim to make the hexmap more immediately gameable than the dungeon was. The idea is to immediately have a (large) region that a party at an open table could traipse around in. Since it's all going to be public, information in hex descriptions will be player-facing, including rumors. If a system is needed for whatever reason, assume Old School Essentials. We'll see how it goes.

As a reward for reading this far, here's a weird thing I've started doing: I'm using one of my reams of physical notebooks to physically take notes on TTRPG blogposts I find potentially useful (getting most of them from keeping a tab on https://campaignwiki.org/osr/ and boy howdy do I not endorse some of the blogs that come up on there). I'm doing this partly because I remember things better when I actually write them down, and mostly as an excuse to go through notebooks and pens so I have an excuse to acquire more notebooks and pens. It's a vicious cycle.

[flimsy-roost]

ND Diary

[[[VENT INCOMING]]]

[[[DISCUSSIONS OF WEIGHT/WEIGHT LOSS, EATING, AND DIETICIAN JARGON]]]

[[[NBD JUST SCROLL ON PAST IF NOT YOUR THING NBD]]]

had an intro meeting with a dietician yesterday, and it was weird in a lot of ways, but in two particular ways I can't unstick from my head so this is my attempt to peel them off.

.1) neurotypical bias, aka come meet me where I am

backing up slightly for context. the process of finding a medical professional as an autistic person is a minefield. if you google the keywords "dietician neurodiversity," all the top results are akin to PARENTS CLICK HERE TO ALLEVIATE (CURE?????) YOUR CHILD'S AUTISM THROUGH SPECIFIC DIET!!!!1!!!! so I usually have to haphazardly suss out the vibes, be as up front as I comfortably can, and then roll the dice.

I was cautiously optimistic about this place because the intake girl seemed chill. at one point in that scheduling call, I mentioned that intuitive eating wont work for me because I have really weak interoception, which applies to hunger cues. she basically said oh yeah that shouldn't be a problem, I've recovered from an ED so I have similar issues, we meet people where they are so eating on a schedule or in a more prescriptive way is definitely something we can help with.

so imagine my awe shock and horror when the very first thing the RDN suggests (halfway through an already stumbly awkward zoom call) is to basically start keeping a feelings diary, to try and "nail down" subtler hunger cues.

in the moment, it felt like she was trying to funnel me into intuitive eating; the thing I specifically said does not work for me, and forthewhich reason I'm even seeing a professional in the first place. I did look it up, and developing this sense can also help with making more intentional decisions about what you eat (ie, am I so hungry that I need a whole sandwich, or will a smaller snack suffice?), but the thing is that I also do not have issues with this kind of intentionality day-to-day.

I don't doubt that with a large amount of concerted effort, I could gradually develop a halfway-sufficient understanding of hunger-related interoception. but is that really the best use of my time, energy, and brainspace?

digression, but this reminds me of my old roommate's girlfriend, who I was interacting with regularly the last time I made a concerted effort to get in shape. I have shitty knees from a teenage injury, and was basically told by the physical therapist at the time that I shouldn't develop an interest in running unless I want to also be back in PT on a regular basis. my roommate's gf lived, ate, and breathed running, I think she was training for a half marathon when I knew her, and could not conceive of the fact that her favorite thing ever wasn't going to work for me. she kept interpreting my saying "I can't" as "I won't." and sure, she had a wisp of a point; if I found a good PT with regular availability, and found the right shoes, and figured out the right routes and schedule and time frames and timing to do it, I might have been able to be a runner. OR, I could just go to a gym and sit on a no-impact spin bike for half an hour every day. that second thing achieves similar results and takes up a lot less time, energy, and brainspace.

the insistence on developing interoception is giving similar vibes. sure, I could set a reminder every two hours to write down any bodily sensations that might conceivably be related to hunger, for the next several weeks, to see if there's a pattern and satisfy your preference to be "open to experimentation." OR I could use that same reminder-setting system to remind me to eat on a sustainable schedule. you gonna help me figure out that schedule or not?

2) don't say the "w" word

I really really wish there was something in between the hyperintense calorie/macro tracking "calories in, calories out" medicalizing approach to weight loss, and weight neutrality. the former was not good for me in ways I won't expand upon, and the latter is kind of... fluffy?

look, I'm not going to lie to you and say that there aren't some minor vanity aspects at play in my wanting to lose weight (eg. I want to cut my hair short, but I don't think it would look cute on me right now), but the main two reasons I'm looking to do this are for simplicity and mobility.

simplicity: the world we live in either ignores or pathologizes fat bodies. this is a problem, and I'm genuinely glad it's being talked about and is changing incrementally. but I'm barely keeping up with the basic demands of existing that everyone has to deal with, and the added complications of navigating the world as a fat person means that the scope of things I can reliably participate in is incredibly small. my overall environment is already unsuitable for a neurodivergent person, so I devote a lot of effort to trying to reduce environmental hostility inflicted upon me in ways I can actually effect, in this case my size.

the second weird thing sticking in my brain concerns the second reason, mobility.

as mentioned above, I have shit knees. in the years since the initial knee enshittification, my weight has fluctuated within a 90lb range. while knee muscle strength definitely plays a role, I can say with certainty, from firsthand experience, that 75% of what determines how much my knees are bothering me at any given point in my life is my numerical weight. this is a neutral statement. this is physics; a larger mass will exert greater gravitational force on a hinge. the best ways to mediate this force are to strengthen the hinge (which I am also working on) and to reduce the mass.

the dietician I saw, operating with weight neutral language and training, denied that my weight has an impact on my knees and mobility. or not exactly denied it, but denied that that's a thing that we could say.

come on.

this is an extra layer of narration and storytelling that I do not find helpful. I'm fully on board with the general gist of weight neutrality. it's bullshit that fatphobic medical professionals will ignore their patient's medical concerns because they're fat, and insist that they can only do their fucking jobs on demographics within a certain BMI range. the default fat=bad thin=good needs to be replaced with all=neutral. I get that, I agree with that, I'm on that page with you. but this degree of "do not speak the name of the fey, lest you invite them into your home to trick you" obfuscates any helpful advice when weight is genuinely and measurably at least part of the problem.

I wish there was a widespread way that incorporated the amoralistic ethos of weight neutrality into adaptive problem solving. kind of like an informed consent system. like a "what do you want, why do you want it, how do you want to do it, how can I help" sort of thing. I don't appreciate being told how I'm supposed to feel about something, when my baseline feelings about it are already pretty neutral. if you're unwilling to accept that my weight may exacerbate my mobility issues and that this is a valid impetus for weight loss, then why the fuck am I even here talking to the diet and weight loss specialist

[ask-no151]

[sweeps away dust over here or a minute] what's up nerds, the blog turns 10 today. i'd been considering for months whether i wanted to plan out and make Some Big Comeback(tm) to commemorate it or just have a general munday type of thing or it, but honestly!! idk, brainspace is still weird, better to not force Big Plans if my heart's not totally in it

i've been on the fence with all my blogs for like a while now honestly, and while a part of me doesn't want to drop them completely, i'm also like. really not enthusiastic about working on things just because of Reasons. aside from not really being satisfied with how i've let a lot of things here, i'm also really not as fond of pokemon as a franchise as i used to be (i'd say the way i feel about it right now is at its absolute lowest, lmao) and for the most part i've been enjoying giving myself different outlets and picking and doodling my own personal projects without feeling limited to Just Drawing These Guys or being pressured by some ethereal feeling of expectation looming over my shoulder. plus i've graduated college and am continuing schooling! so that's something, at least

i'm really glad to see how far this community's grown, though, even if i personally haven't been taking an active part in things for a while now. the amount of creativity i see flowing is just really heartwarming, and seeing new and old peeps on the dash is always nice on the times i check over here once in a blue moon

this isn't really a "goodbye" or anything, since i would like to... eventually... get something done on this end or on heron's blog when my brain isn't in such a weird place regarding askblogging, but! it just felt weird to not do anything for this place's anniversary

[sodomitecastiel]

Do you have any recommended spn fics? To be restored is consuming all of my non fenario brainspace

This is in no way an exhaustive list - @jewishcharliebradbury is the one to go for that - but these are some favorites of mine, please always heed their tags just in case!

Putting it under a readmore because I'm a wordy bastard:

Sky Verse by starandrea: Angelic civil war! The crispest, most in-character dialogue! Vast, sprawling worldbuilding! Dean and Cas get together and are very bad at it for a long time! This series obsesses me the way other people are obsessed with dta (which I have not read for fear of commitment but fully intend to eventually).

To Be Restored by serenetyfails: You mentioned this one already but it's worth repeating - it's my favorite trans spn fic that I didn't write myself. Cas's transmasc identity is handled so carefully and so competently, Dean flips out in a way that's both in character and still kind to him, and Sam and Rowena are wonderfully fleshed out. I think many people would look at the premise and worry it's either misogynistic or fetishy, but it's neither, it's such a love letter to Cas's well-earned masculinity. Also, I'm obsessed with Rowena knowing and being buddies with a lot of trans women witches :)

Talk Therapy by shara: This is one of my favorite 'Dean is bad at asking for things' fics, it deals with his inability to want things past what he can give to others really well. I also appreciate that not everything in their relationship is fixed just because they're together, although the amount they love each other is always obvious.

Epilogue by JayneL: A weird little time travel story that is NOT a fixit for endverse, but is exceptionally kind to endverse Cas anyway. It aches very badly. I remember it being pretty trippy but also having to sit and look at the ceiling a while after reading it.

The Love Story of the Runner Up by Margo_Kim: Cas dates a normal human man with a good soul for a little while before he gets with Dean. Both of them know it isn't for forever, but they look after each other anyway. Told through the lens of story-swapping between gay friends and written with so much care & love. (You can thank @okologie for finding this one and making me read it despite my reservations.)

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo: Everyone recommends this fic but it's for a reason. Probably the best post-retirement fic there is, and definitely helped me form the neural connections to write Fenario, haha, I can't recommend this one enough. The complicated Dean and Sam issues are held with just as much weight as the Dean and Cas ones, although both are handled gently.

you and me in the war of the end times by stickthelanding (@tallahasseemp3): Alma knocked it out of the park with this one. THEE shotgunning fic. I've reread it more times than I can count, it has the loveliest atmosphere. I want to gnaw on this prose, said with love!

A Drinking Song by Balder12: Endverse snapshot. This one is mostly just bone hurting juice but it's one of my favorite characterizations of them - sometimes I find that endverse stories either make Cas way too soft or fucked up in a way I find goes too far in a direction I don't agree with, this one feels pitch perfect.

Everyone Is Trying to Get to the Bar by Balder12: All time fave angel true form fic!!! It's deliciously weird and fun, definitely a mind-melter. I only read it the once but sometimes I think about it and get a funny little shiver.

Tall Grass by aeli_kindara: This is another 'universal favorite', but also for good reason. Extraordinarily tender, it's my personal favorite Cas-grows-a-garden post canon story, especially because it manages to write a jealousy plotline that doesn't make me want to bite and kill. Dean's voice is exactly right and everything unfurls with this tender inevitability, idk how else to describe it! It also ends on a final image that's so lovely it's seared into my brain.

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx by pantheon_of_discord: Nobody does vignettes like supernatural writers. I love the way the road feels in this one, and how carefully picked each moment is. A string of pearls, this fic.

There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know by blinkiesays: Dean and Cas get trapped in the midwest by a curse that doesn't let them leave the state, and they want to break it until they don't. Being trapped gives them an excuse to want to settle down, but the route they take to get there is, of course, circuitous. This one hurts a little because it takes place while Sam is dead, but it isn't gratuitous in its sadness. Sweet and melancholy.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo: FAVE FAVE FAVE FAVE. I push this one at everyone I can. I'm extremely picky about 'Dean's self loathing' fics, mainly because I think it can veer easily into melodrama, but this author weaves Dean's self hatred and his anger together very seamlessly, in a way that feels real to the show. Also, Cas is perfect.

sweeter coming from my hand by perilously: A story that I liked before Nov5 and withstood the test of time!! Dean and Cas get married/soul-bound in order to both remove the Mark of Cain and fix Cas's grace. Features a formative scene for me where Cas expresses worries about if he has a soul and Dean raps knuckles on his chest, going, "knock knock, sounds like a soul in there." If you like this one, perilously has many good fics that are just as in character.

On Labor by a_good_soldier: I very nearly couldn't finish this one, but not because it's bad, haha. The premise just makes me want to tear my clothes in mourning - Dean knows Cas is in love with him, after getting him back from the Empty, and decides that he should give him what he wants without realizing that he wants it too. Dean performatively dating Cas while trying to talk himself into liking it (not knowing that he does actually like it) is exactly the kind of convoluted bullshit Dean's internalized homophobia would do to him. Nauseating and spectacular. Sticks in your brain for weeks.

canticles by 2street2car: An excellent 'weird girl best friends' fic. After striking out at the brothel, Dean decides to treat Cas to the "first date experience" himself, since the guy might die the next day. To sum it up succinctly: the rituals are intricate. And dirty dancing is referenced!

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon: As the author states themself, this fic is a love letter to California - it's a road trip casefic that's so rooted in place, the setting is rich and lush and the atmosphere makes me ache, and not just because it's set in my home state! I saved this one for last because this is another prolific author who has many stories I come back to again and again (Sweet Home and Love: A Retrospective are particularly good), they really don't miss. Usually when I read fic, it's a mad dash to the finish, but I took my time with this one. I highly encourage you to do the same :)

[drabbles-mc]

Give me your poor little meow meow, horse plinko, and eeby deeby for Mayans and SOA please.

Ooooohhhh we love to see it. I did the whole roster because I just. I could talk about these idiots for days. Let's goooooo

Sons of Anarchy:

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): Juan Carlos Ortiz, my beloved. I just. I adore him so much. Man takes up so much of my brainspace.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): Opie Winston. The beard? The hair? The sheer amount of tattoos that don't tie into each other at all, some of them not even relevant to his character development or the plot? I love it. He truly is So Shaped.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave): David Hale. My deputy chief deserved better.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week): Our man with the sluttiest cardigans around, Nero Padilla

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave): Everyone loves to hate Tara but tbh I would kill for her. Like Jax but I'd treat her better. 😌

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): Gemma Teller. I know it's not the hip thing to say here on tumblr dot com but she drove me absolutely bonkers. Plinko for ten thousand years.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell): Clay Morrow can get fast-fuckin-tracked to superhell. This goes without saying.

Mayans:

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): At the end of the day, I will always be an Ezekiel girl.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): Bishop Losa. He's just a lil guy, you know????

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave): Neron 'Creeper' Vargas. Season 4 better give him his time to shine. My man just wants to take care of his boys. Let him.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week): Nestor Oceteva. Soft tummy and braids and tattoos??? We love that.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave):  Angel Reyes. I put him in this category not because he's inherently controversial but the man really only has 2 working brain cells and they never communicate with each other. Pathetic fave. Wet dog syndrome. But we love him anyway.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): Can I put Bish in 2 categories?? I’m gonna put Bish in 2 categories. He’s such a good vehicle for angst and I will make him live up to his potential in that regard. I can make him worse.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell): Miguel Galindo. From the jump he just hasn't done it for me, and after his antics in season 3 he can get sucked into superhell. Him and Clay can hang out.

This was. So fun. Love you 😂💖

[adultingautistic]

So I struggle with making eye contact with people, I can force myself to do it but it just makes me really uncomfortable. For some reason when I get close to people I'm more comfortable making eye contact? Like some friends I'm perfectly fine looking in the eye. Do you have an idea why it's easier with people I'm closer to?

Ask date: September 4th

Oh, definitely!  

So autistic brain struggle to process sensory input- which means that when something is new, such as a person you’ve never met before, your brain has to work very hard to process alllllll the inputs that person is creating.  First it has to process an unfamiliar face, an unfamiliar voice, an unfamiliar smell.  The person has body mannerisms that you’re not used to and your brain doesn’t know which ones are “usual” for them, so it doesn’t know which ones to “tune out” and which ones to pay attention to- so it has to pay attention to them all.  This is EXHAUSTING.

Now on top of that you’re expected to socialize with this person, that means you have to try to interpret their speech to determine what they “mean” (not what they said, because allistics), but because you don’t know this person, you have no baseline reference for what they mean when they say certain things, so you brain is working overtime to try to determine and guess all the possibilities they could be talking about. 

Now on top of ALL OF THAT, you’re supposed to look them in the eyes, which takes up another huge amount of brain power, because that task alone has so many social rules, and you have to remember them ALL, and quickly, and get them exactly right, otherwise you’ll be accused of “staring”(too much eye contact) or “not listening”(too little eye contact).

And then on top of THAT, you have to keep tabs on your own body, and your body language, and remember not to stim, and remember not to stand that awkward way, and remember not to do raptor hands, and remember to shift your weight now and then to not “be a statue”, and monitor your body, monitor their body for body language, monitor your own tone of voice, monitor their tone of voice to see if they’re having emotions, and IT’S. A. LOT.

NOW, let’s compare that with your best friend you’ve know for 8 billion years:

You already know their body language, and what it means, so you don’t have to be wondering “What did that shift mean”, you know it.  Your brain is already familiar with their voice, and their inflections, you know whether this is their baseline and they’re fine, or if they’re emotionally distressed, because you’ve experienced this from them many times before.

You already know their repitoire of facial expressions, you know what their voice sounds like and what those tones from them mean, you already know what they smell like and how they look and what it means when they stand this certain way.

So you don’t have to process all of that- it’s already been processed!  WHEW!

On top of that, they already know YOU.  They already know you’re awkward socially, and they like you anyway, so you can let your guard down!  You can stand like a statue, you can have raptor hands, you can forget to monitor your facial expressions exactly, because they’ve already seen these things from you, and have accepted you anyway.

So now that your brain is freed from all of that- it is left with all this extra processing power, with which you can actually listen to them, and spend energy giving them eye contact, because you have the brainspace for it.

That is why autistics are better with anything that is more familiar- familiar places, familiar foods, familiar clothes, familiar people.  If I’ve seen it a hundred times, then my brain has already processed all those sensory inputs, and I don’t have to re-process them, which leaves me with the energy to actually see the situation that’s going on.

New is exhausting.  New is hard work.  New is stressful.

Same is easy.  Same is safe.  Same is good.

[whelvenwings]

So I just saw that post on laziness that you reblogged and I was wondering what your thoughts are on laziness vs procrastination? Because I'm going through a particularly bad round of procrastination, but I don't feel like it's borne out of laziness (which to me, is more of "I don't feel like doing this immediately but I will do it soon"). Whereas procrastination is constantly postponing something but never being able to convince my brain to actually do the task (also any tips on tackling this?)

Hello anon!! Yes hello good hi. first of all, ugh, I’m so sorry you’ve been having a hard time with procrastination lately. it’s rough and I hope it eases up for you.

hmmmm yes, so, laziness and procrastination. WELL. hmm. OKAY. these thoughts might be a bit all over the place, so I hope you’ll bear with me as I ramble on a bit. or a lot. probably a lot! I have a lot of thoughts about it all.

so I think I’d start off by saying that I kind of don’t believe in laziness. 

it’s like... for me, laziness is... chronically choosing not to do something that you know you should do, even though that thing is entirely doable for you. that is to say, you have the time for a task, the skills for it, and the ability to motivate yourself to do it - but you regularly choose not to do it.

the key element here is choice. for me, laziness implies not just that a task isn’t done - it implies you could’ve done it, and then you chose not to. but to be able to choose not to do something, that thing has to be completely possible in the first place, right? we wouldn’t say we choose not to fly, we say that we can’t do it, it’s not possible for us. every day that I walk around instead of flying, I’m not being lazy, I’m just not doing something that’s outside my capability. very often (I’d argue always) when we regularly don’t do something, it’s because we cannot do it. it’s not a choice not to do it, because there’s something going on that makes the task impossible in our status quo. I think our ideas about what we can and can’t do, and how serious a barrier it is to not be able to motivate ourselves, are often really skewed by comparison with others. if I lived in a world populated only by birds, maybe I’d think I was procrastinating on flying.

the thing that briefly breaks me out of a procrastination loop is usually panic at the promise of Bad Consequences, i.e. my brain is finally convinced of the importance of the task, but this is a quick one-off fix that doesn’t help the chronic issue, so next time I have to do the same task I’ll follow the same pattern of putting it off until Total Panic Time. and at a certain point, even the Bad Consequences just aren’t enough motivation, and I simply can’t do the task. often I am in distress at not being able to do the task. just as often, the distress is a contributing factor in the task not getting done for longer.

the issue that makes the task not doable for me tends to vary a lot depending on the situation. and I think a lot of people have it the same way, where different issues crop up with different tasks.

- so like sometimes it’s a Success Elsewhere issue. you just can’t believe you can actually decently do the thing you have to do, so you go work at something else that you think you can succeed at. “lazy” to me implies a lack of effort, right? and yet with this one, the things that you do instead of homework or chores or whatever, they often take plenty of effort. like you’re kicking ass at video games, pouring hours into it, because the game makes you feel like you really could be the best!! it’s worth the effort because you get rewards! you’re working, just not at the thing you Should be doing, because you can’t believe working on that thing will lead to any reward/success.

- sometimes it’s a Why Does It Matter issue. sometimes you just aren’t convinced enough that the reward of doing a task is worth the work it’ll take, because you can clearly see that the world is in crisis and it’s exceptionally hard to believe that, say, homework matters when everything feels like it’s on fire.

- sometimes it’s a Fuck You Anyway issue. a lot of people feel alienated by the society we live in, the same society that says hey, you have to do homework, you have to succeed at university, you have to get these grades, you have to be polite, you can’t get angry, you have to respond to emails, you have to do this specific kind of job to make good money or else you won’t have enough. when an authority you don’t trust/a system that is clearly broken tries to shove you into doing something, sometimes you don’t want to bloody do it, you know? sometimes you don’t want to do the small tasks that build up into following a path you don��t believe in.

- sometimes it’s a The World Has Swept Me This Far, What, Are You Saying I Have to Do Things for Myself Now issue. between parents and teachers and societal expectations, a person can go surprisingly far in this world just kind of keeping to the course that other people decide for them. but the map always has edges, right? eventually people stop having a plan for you and you’re quite suddenly expected to know exactly what to do with yourself, and just become a success with the opportunities you’ve been given, but you have no clue whatsoever how to do that. doing nothing in this instance isn’t laziness, it’s not that you want to sit and stagnate - it’s just that you’re doing exactly what you’ve always done: what you’re being guided to do. the only difference is that now you’re not being guided to do anything, so you don’t do anything. you have no idea how to flex the muscles of personal choice; you don’t even know if you have them.

- sometimes it’s a Distraction issue. again, for a huge amount of people, the world is pretty garbage right now. and sometimes you’re clinging on via the happy hormone hit you get when you do something fun, so doing something hard/boring feels like it would push you too far. or sometimes the hard/boring task doesn’t absorb enough of your attention, leaving way too much space for your brain to talk to itself and spiral out of control with bad thoughts and feelings, which it won’t do if you’re watching videos or scrolling on your phone or hanging out with friends etc. given how tailored our brain hormones naturally are to finding the shortest path to happiness, and how relatively easy it is in our culture to find short-term happiness via the internet, I don’t find it surprising that a lot of people just literally cannot engage with doing difficult, boring tasks when there’s a small burst of happiness just one tap away. 

- sometimes it’s an Energy issue. bad mental health is a motivation killer. battling depression or anxiety or another mental health issue just leeches away your reserves for other things. you don’t have the spoons for doing a task, but people with more spoons will look at you not doing it and call you lazy - because for them, the task is doable, and they don’t get that for you it is not.

UGH MAN there’s so much more to it than just these separate scenarios, they all interweave and there are loads more of them, and I want to talk about how being neurodivergent affects these things and how being queer affects it too imo, but I feel like I could go on and on forever so I’ll leave it at that. my point is, I think both procrastination and so-called laziness start when for some reason, a task isn’t doable for you. so the key is figuring out why the task isn’t doable, and changing something, and then hopefully being able to chug away at it!

some things that have helped me are:

- getting little bits of help - when my mum and I hang out, she’ll sometimes just sit and chat to me while I clean around her because it’s doable for me while she’s there. collaboration can ease a lot of procrastination woes for me.

- instead of telling myself “I have to do this”, I tell myself “I deserve to have this done”. so like, instead of “I have to clean the bathroom”, it’s “I deserve to live in a clean house”. instead of “I have to do this essay for homework”, it should have been “I deserve to be able to show the skills I have, and get help from my teachers in the places where I have holes in my understanding”. it’s just like, less focus on the dumb task and more focus on the goal that I’ll achieve by doing the task, with a healthy dose of self-validation on the side.

- if the problem’s really chronic and affecting your life in a pretty major way, maybe it’s time to look into whether there’s an underlying issue with the way your brain focuses? I’m autistic, and I have friends with ADHD, and the way our brains focus/don’t focus on things can be hard to manage at times - but understanding what’s going on inside the old brainspace and reading about how other people handle the same things can be a really good way to start breaking the cycle of procrastination.

[suddenly-danganronpa]

So, I know I said I was going to work on the My Hero Academia crossover some more, but the Audience Poll AU sorta took over my brain? Also I started writing this at 2:30 in the morning so y’know.

- General Info: Voices act like ghosts, and are visible to the one they can talk too but not anyone else. They can take over their hosts bodies, but only if they’re allowed to (they can be ejected at any time) or the host is mentally unavailable (fainting, shock, etc. count, sleeping doesn’t).

- Makoto’s Voice is based of the part of the fandom that loves angsty fanfics and fanart and AUs and just causing despair in general. The cool stuff basically. They’re a Junko stan. Mainly motivated by their own entertainment.

- They also don’t really care about the characters that much as people. They do care about them though, but will emphatically state that’s exactly why they want to hurt them.

- Makoto is deeply concerned about his Voice. He and Toko have a good relationship in this AU (the Voice is a fan of Jill). For a significant amount of time he’s worried Junko converted him to despair before his memory loss and his Voice is a result of that.

- They do put on an act around others mostly though, of a calm and reasonable person who’s just trying to figure out how they came into existence. Think Chapter 1 Komaeda for reference.

- Talking SDR2, Hajime’s Voice is just a memelord.

- He constantly makes jokes and references that Hajime doesn’t get, and has probably got multiple copypastas memorised to rattle off at any moment.

- Appearance wise he looks like Izuru rather than Hajime primarily because it’s funny and they have to share the back of Hajime’s brainspace.

- Unlike Makoto’s Voice who mainly just pesters him, Hajime’s Voice actually helps out in the trials, although he doesn’t really try and prevent the murders since he knows it’ll all end up mostly alright and is just trying to get to the end conditions.

- “Call me the Ultimate [blank]” (e.g. Ocean Fearer, 2nd Place, Betrayed Friend)

- He also starts off disliking Komahina but as the game goes on he gradually starts to ship it, possibly even trying to prevent Nagito dying.

- Overall a funny dude with a heart of gold. And maybe orange juice.

- So, expecting Shuichi’s Voice next? Me as well, but apparently my brain wanted to round this off with giving Komaru a Voice as well.

- Her Voice is the part of the fandom that makes those really fluffy fanfics and art, where everyone is alive and safe and if Junko exists she’s nice.

- The Non-Despair AU/UTDP gang basically. Absolutely a shipper.

- This is mainly to contrast with the Despair-loving Makoto Voice, as well as the darker tone of Ultra Despair Girls as a whole.

- She’s your typical optimistic and hopeful friend who’s also absurdly talented at art/comics/animation/writing. Probably has some good banter with Toko.

- Komaru co-habituates with her rather than hiding her (Makoto) or seeing it as a possible clue (Hajime).

- They’re buddies!

- Despite her cheerful attitude she is also absolutely ready to fight if there’s need for it.

- Alright, Shuichi time.

- So his Voice is originally with Kaede, and he tries to save her but she’s too wrapped up in guilt over ‘killing’ Rantaro to listen.

- So, the Voice hops over to Shuichi after her death.

- He represents the part of the fandom that loves the mysteries and theorising. The kinda person who’s able to guess the killer before the murder even happens based on narrative clues.

- He takes over a lot during trials in a sort of Yu-Gi-Oh way where people find it odd that he seems to have a different personality during them but brush it off.

- He probably has the most personal issues of all the Voices: he hates failing and after Kaede he keeps failing again and again at preventing murders (this is probably the most canon-divergent game).

- To put V3 in the same world as the rest of the characters I’m going to borrow @nebulastarss ‘s idea and have them be class 79 who were put in VR and continuously mindwiped.

- Shuichi’s Voice arguably faces the most difficulties seeing as there’s so much he doesn’t know for certain.

- Personality wise, he’s a bit cold and doesn’t open up much (almost Byakuya vibes really) very much a ‘I hate that I care about you now��� person.

- He also enjoys beating people down with logic and facts in trials, tricking them into revealing information etc.

[blkholeinfinity]

My Good Omens Headcanon That No One Asked For

I’m not saying that anyone else’s headcanon are incorrect, or that anyone’s wrong for disagreeing with me! And honestly, just because these are my headcanon doesn’t mean I don’t accept other headcanon. Think of it as: if I was going to write Good Omens fanfic, these are the headcanon I’m going to roll with. If I’m enjoying fanworks or meta, anything goes, even/especially things that contradict my own headcanon.

And since the miniseries is burning stronger in my brainspace than the book atm, this is all relevant to the miniseries canon only.

Bonus Ineffable Bureaucracy headcanon at the end!

Ineffable Husbands Being Dumb About Their Feelings Headcanon

Crowley has been infatuated - not in love - with Aziraphale from the beginning. He didn’t realize his infatuation until Rome, and I can’t pinpoint when or where that infatuation turned into love since I believe it was a slow, gradual process. He definitely realized it before 1862, though, if not in 1862 the second Aziraphale said “fraternizing.”

For Aziraphale, he was fascinated with Crowley since the beginning. Maybe infatuated, too. He realized his infatuation a lot sooner, hence why he blatantly hit on Crowley in Rome (maybe realized it in Rome?), but then took a few giant steps back until sometime after 537 when he started making his way back to Crowley again, thus beginning his complicated feelings about his not-so-complicated feelings about Crowley. In other words, his brain was trying to convince himself that it was Not Personal, Purely Business, Just Friendship (But Not Officially), even if his heart was screaming at him otherwise. His infatuation grew into love over the centuries, but he didn’t realize it until, famously, 1941.

1967 was when they both realized that the other definitely felt the same way. Where Crowley was ready to take it to the next step at that moment, Aziraphale, well. WE ALL KNOW.

They finally stopped being dumb after the bus stop. They didn’t take things further than making out before they (Aziraphale) realized what Agnes’s prophecy meant, but they finally stopped being dumb about their feelings either on the way back from Tadfield or in Crowley’s flat.

Aziraphale was the one who had to stop being dumb first, and he absolutely was. He confessed first, he kissed Crowley first. They’d never make any progress otherwise.

General Aziraphale and Crowley Headcanon

I headcanon angels and demons having the power to speak whatever language they need to when on Earth, but Aziraphale and Crowley have been on Earth too long to remember this particular power in their arsenal. If they haven’t used it in the past, say, 100 years, they’ve forgotten the language completely.

Until they remember that they have this particular power. But don’t count on them coming to that realization on their own. 

Anyway, Aziraphale and Crowley both canonically know English in the present day, obviously, but they’ve retained some German and French from their WWII shenanigans. Crowley knows some Russian although he isn’t particularly good at it because he played around quite a bit during the Cold War, and Aziraphale is surprisingly fluent in Japanese. Because sushi.

Aziraphale is a damn good swordsangel.

Crowley tries to get Aziraphale to watch TV and movies by tailoring his recommendations to what he knows Aziraphale would like and sitting down with him to watch it. Because Crowley knows Aziraphale so well, it’s actually a successful endeavor... until Aziraphale tries to watch something on his own that wasn’t a Crowley Recommendation and Regrets Everything.

In turn, Aziraphale definitely drags Crowley to every single West End production at least once a month. Crowley complains but he doesn’t actually mind. He really does enjoy most of the shows.

Crowley was all about that rock-and-roll life in the 1980s. Mostly for the aesthetic, though.

Crowley would absolutely be a cat person, if cats were demon people. But cats and demons don’t mix. This makes him a little sad, but at least he always has his rats?

Aziraphale and Crowley’s Sexuality Headcanon

I headcanon them both as demiromantic, sex-neutral asexuals.

And by demiromantic I mean that Aziraphale is Crowley-romantic and Crowley is Aziraphale-romantic.

They both have had sex prior to each other for a variety of reasons, but mostly either out of curiosity or because their jobs.

The first time they had sex with each other was primarily out of curiosity, since this is what a lot of humans do when they’re in love so might as well see if it’s any different with each other than with others. They found that they rather enjoy it better with each other than with anyone else they’ve ever slept with, but still didn’t quite understand what the big deal was, but they continue to do it every few years or so.

But they love to make out and cuddle.

General Angel and Demon Headcanons

Most angels and demons don’t really... get... gender. They present the way that they do for a few different reasons, the most popular ones being either aesthetics or apathy (aka- they were given the bodies they were given and never really gave another thought to them).

Any angel or demon who has spent a considerable amount of time on Earth are the exceptions to the rule. Obviously this includes Aziraphale and Crowley, and they’re probably the only two who are the closest to getting it - not that any of them are playing by humanity’s gender rules. They’re still either going for aesthetics or convenience.

In other words, just because Aziraphale and Crowley understand how gender works by human standards doesn’t mean they abide by it. It’s like that meme: Aziraphale’s gender is “nah” and Crowley’s gender is “yes.”

When in Heaven or Hell, the angels and demons speak a celestial language. The demons have bastardize it since falling, but it’s still the same basic language, and none of it is a human language.

Bunny Demon/Eric/Disposable Demon has a sort of hero worship crush (not an actual crush) on Crowley. Sorry, you can pry this one from my cold, dead fingers.

In the Final-Final Battle, Aziraphale and Crowley won’t be the only angel/demon to go against Heaven and Hell for the sake of humanity. There are 10 million angels and 10 million demons, at least a handful of them are going to join them, but it’ll be a long, slow process.

Yes, Bunny Demon/Eric/Disposable Demon will still be the first one to join their side.

God Headcanons

God isn’t just a woman, but a genderfluid woman.

She’s utterly fond of Aziraphale, which is why she never punished him for giving away the flaming sword.

And yes, she definitely knows that he did that. She wasn’t angry, just Disappointed.

She’s the reason Aziraphale and Crowley were handed Agnes’s final prophecy. Come on, that piece of paper flew to Aziraphale’s hand just a little too purposefully.

Also she’ll never let Aziraphale fall because, again, she’s really fond of him. You can pry that one from my cold, dead fingers, too.

Not!Armageddon was absolutely planned the way that it was so she could get her ultimate revenge on Satan - by having his own son disavow him.

God’s plan is Ineffable mostly because she keeps changing her mind.

And also she’s the trolliest troll who ever trolled.

Anathema, Newt, and The Them Headcanons

Anathema stays in Tadfield and becomes a surrogate big sister to the Them, but especially to Adam. 

Newt also stays in Tadfield and has a more diverse relationship with the Them: Adam is indifferent, he and Wensleydale and Brian wind up getting along swimmingly, and Pepper straight up dislikes him.

Mrs. Young adores Anathema and Newt. Mr. Young, on the other hand, disapproves of them, but sees them as generally harmless enough to allow Adam to hang out with them. Not that Adam would stop even if Mr. Young tried to forbid it.

Pepper takes up swordfighting once she starts junior high/high school by taking classes at a local HEMA guild.

Dog lives forever.

The Four Horsepeople of the Apocalypse Headcanons

(Un)fortunately, War, Famine, and Pollution aren’t perma-dead. They come back and pick their lives up right where they left off.

These four are a Found Family.

I also ship them all together. OT4, ya’ll.

Pestilence is definitely THE anti-vax mom and is delighted that they might be coming out of retirement soon.

Not that Pollution intends to retire just because Pestilence is back.

But there’s always room for one more, is the Horsepeople’s opinion.

So now they are the Five Horsepeople of the Apocalypse. Fight them, God.

(God doesn’t care, this is all the humans’ doing anyway.)

And yes, the Them gets a fifth person to their crew to counter Pestilence. Probably someone aspiring to be a doctor. This is an accident, of course. Sort of. Adam can’t explain it, but his Antichrist senses were tingling...

Ineffable Bureaucracy Headcanons

Gabriel and Beelzebub were absolutely a Thing before Beelzebub fell, and their dynamic is more like an exhausted-but-still-angry-but-still-in-love divorced couple.

They start reuniting after Not!Armageddon, but it takes a few years for them to get there.

Gabriel is a sex-repulsed asexual (I do not sully my body...), where Beelzebub is a sex-neutral asexual. 

And they’re both demiromantic. By which I mean Gabriel is Beelzebub-romantic and Beelzebub is Gabriel-romantic. But they hate it. They didn’t use to hate it, but then Beelzebub fell and things got messy and complicated and things were said that cannot be unsaid.

Gabriel uses ‘he’ pronouns (which I think is canon anyway?) where Beelzebub doesn’t care what pronouns you use for them. (Personally, I love ‘ze/they/her’ for Beelzebub, but I don’t think zey care.)

Aziraphale’s and Crowley’s brains broke when they discovered that Gabriel and Beelzebub are a couple now and they still haven’t fully recovered.

[rainbow-fairylandsystem]

feel free not to answer if it makes you uncomfortable but i have a long history of only feeling emotions/trauma through fictional characters. it seems you have a lot of support from fictional characters within your system and i wonder how you cope with it? sorry again if this crosses any of your boundaries. i guess i just wanna know how relation to fictional characters makes you feel and if you think expressing trauma through fictional characters is harmful. hope you all the best!

i don’t think its harmful, per say, but there’s a point where relation to fictional characters becomes more detrimental than helpful. i find relation to fictional characters to be very comforting and cathartic, but i wouldn’t say that the intensity of my relation to them is ‘healthy’, really. they help me a lot, but they also take up a lot of my time and brainspace, and can sometimes prevent me from dealing with my trauma in a productive way.

as for the fictive alters in my system, i don’t think that having them vs having non-fictive alters in my system is either detrimental or helpful. because these alters split off during times of stress, an alter most likely would have split off regardless. these ones just happened to be fictives, and these fictives are often very different their ‘source’, so their comforting aspect is actually pretty minimal. if i had to name one helpful thing, its that they can provide me a small amount of additional comfort in high stress situations, but it can also negatively affect how i feel about the actual character for reasons i don’t really understand. after they’ve joined the system, looking at fanart and fanfiction of them suddenly makes me very uncomfortable.

all in all, i’m not sure i really wish they were part of my system. but, they are nonetheless