#it still freaks me out sometimes
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The Tumblr app for Google Glass was released on May 16, 2013.
Text
Lils' place is always very nice and calm. Except for when, you know, the horrors show up. It suits them
#I used to hate physical contact#but that pretty much depleted when I stuck around here#everyone's very#huggy?#it still freaks me out sometimes#but it's nice#Lils is a good hugger too#rp#oc
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
67 notes
·
View notes
Text
modern family is all fun and games until you get to the scenes where you burst into tears because the once-vaguely homophobic dad now refers to his son's husband as family, and also the academically gifted daughter realizes that her dorky, clumsy dad was always really proud of her and just never surprised because he just assumed she could do anything, and also the eldest daughter who eloped comes crawling back to her parents' room and whispers that she still wants her parents to be present for her wedding, and also the anxious queer lawyer character admits that he was terrified that his husband would just leave him alone with their baby daughter, and also that the once-vaguely grouchy dad looks at his stepson and tells him that what makes a family is who sticks around, not who you're blood-related to and anyways what was i saying
#caroline talks#modern family#god. . .. the way i really do love this sitcom. like have all the jokes aged well? ehhh not really#there are some jokes that land pretty badly now but i still do love this show so much and i'm so sad i'm on the final season#it's like. oh yeah. family is complicated! it's rough!#but everyone can change and grow. people can become better. it won't be perfect and it'll suck sometimes#but everyone is trying their goddamn best.#i will say though i burst into tears at hayley coming to claire and phil and going '. . . i was going to elope but i realized#that i really wanted you guys there :('#and god also how i love gloria and jay and claire and phil and mitch and cam's relationships#and like i love the kids but the adult relationships make me cry the hardest#because it's like. when claire explodes on phil bc 'YOU NEVER TAKE MY ADVICE YOU'RE ALWAYS FOLLOWING SOMEONE ELSE'S!!!'#and phil goes up to claire and presents her with this photo album and goes '. . . honey i'm ALWAYS following your advice.'#and when i think about mitch freaking out bc he thinks he might have had another kid and he thinks cam might ditch him for it#and cam is just like '. . .. mitchell i love you.' and is just like. we'll deal with this together.#and it's just like!!! ough!!! ough!!!
80 notes
·
View notes
Text
I want you to tell ‘em that you love the way that they don’t stick out like sore middle fingers
[Continuation of this]
#TMNT 2012#casey jones 2012#raphael hamato#rasey#this is platonic again but I’m not against romantic subtext or whatever#when I was in school being able to do this with your hand was super cool and I often still do it with both#but I’ve met both adults and kids who’ve never seen it before and it freaks them out ahaha#anyway I was jus thinking of hands again and this is a warm up sketch#but i do think thee two would have heart to hearts on rooftops sometimes and really open up#maybe theyre sat next to eachother and raph looks at his thigh next to Casey’s and gets self conscious#maybe one of them was hurt in a fight (probably Casey) and theyre patching eachother up and they just start exploring their differences#or maybe its something as simple as raph asking casey if he was Tarzan and the scene with the hands and Casey’s like yo we can do that#or even more childish theyre just doing it to see who’s hands bigger because Casey’s sister has been doing it a lot and its fun#because let me tell you it doesnt matter how old the kids i work with are they all love comparing my hand with theirs#but i imagine Raphs eyes for a second would give away hes upset a little cause he’s definitely the most self conscience about being a mutant#so Casey would do this and be like ahh look see we arent that different really#raph could bend his fingers to emphasise how much shorter Casey’s are#and cause would say something like these digits might be small but theyre mighty#leading to a shove or even a thumb war or something#anyway ill stop gushing i have a comission to do xxx#OH OH OH THE BITE MARK ON CASEY IS BECAUSE A MUTUAL COMMENTS ABOUT EATING MY RASEY ART SO THATS THEIR TEETH but im not naming names....
227 notes
·
View notes
Text
i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
248 notes
·
View notes
Text
EARTHSPAAAAAAARK (S2/S3/S???)
ACTUALLY ADDRESS HASHTAG'S MIND-CONTROL TRAUMA AND HOW IT IMPACTS THE FACT THAT SHE APPARENTLY JUST HAS AN AI IN HER HEAD NOW
AND MY LIFE
IS YOURS
#SINCE HER BOND WITH STARSCREAM THAT WAS ACTUALLY INTERESTING IN S1 IS GONE JUST GIVE ME THIS#i would pay a crisp 20 dollar bill to have smth where Val malfuntions (val-function. episode title. boom.)#or goes haywire and it makes her really freaked out bc Mandroid Trauma and she doesn't understand why bc she thought she Got Better#and one of the Adults has to tell her that sometimes if something really bad happens it Doesn't Get All The Way Better#and that if something similar happens again. even if it's not as bad. it can still make you feel really scared and upset#and it doesn't mean she's Bad at Getting Better. it just means that it's something she has to be careful about#and that she has her family to support her <3#...i wanna make a fic with that so bad lowkey#mine#transformers#tf#tf earthspark#earthspark#hashtag malto
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
She wails as though a part of her has died.
oh man. i picked up the sidestory to @just-a-carrot's five-arc horror epic a couple days ago and i'm so glad i did. i'll probably be talking nonstop and/or drawing about it for days
there's a handful of whiteboard doodles with other characters under the cut, but rly i just wanted to pay a homage to the scene that hit me the hardest... enjoy
#theres already PARAGRAPHS upon paragraphs in my partners dms over this freaking thing but like listen to me (jingle jingle) PAY ATTENTION#i feel like i have to add that visual novels arent really something i take interest in at all this one jus JUMPED me#i actually played the side piece (our cinderella) first + was so in love with the writing i went to check out the main story. worth it#and i DEFINITELY won't be able to fit everything i want to say in the tags but its so refreshing to read/play thru a novel where the protag#are regular ass adults. like middle class thirty year olds barely breaking even. and that still get sappy unapologetically.#need more stories like this fr#that aside it's been fucking crazy to look at iggy's character arc through his eyes considering yk.. everything.#theres no universal asexual experience or anything but sometimes there'd be a line in there that made me like. sit up and go damn what the#i did that. i do that.#it's. i cant explain it in depth in the tags its about the way topics are skirted around and the realization that something is#uncomfortable in a way you werent expecting it to be. or even on your radar. theres so much#ugh. im unwell. anyways.#dewdles#our wonderland#gidget bordelle#iggy maxwell#genzou#genzou ichihara#cecil- does cecil have a last name??? cecil.#blood#injury#ask to tag
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
im different i would've befriended those plague rats in pathologic i would've given them cheese and crackers
#I say on the Internet after freaking out and abandoning my room when I spotted one (1) fly on the wall#It was a very big fly tbf#that was 3 days ago#I have been trying to kill it for 3 days#I think it knows I'm scared of it#which is a little humiliating when I try to swat it and it just buzzes at me and I scramble backwards like a coward#So I tricked it trojan horse style because I a human (apex predator atm) was bested by a fly#I made a trap with a source of light and managed to imprison it in a box#now i wait for it to starve to death because I am too scared to touch the box#ew ew rw gross bug ew ew ew#♧other#pathologic#sometimes I still hear it buzzing in that box and defying death#It knows I'm talking about it and it is angry
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
something something foils moving in opposite directions Goku's always happy to seek and fight stronger opponents because he spent most of his life being the strongest guy in the room and Vegeta wants to be the strongest/is always exhausted to find stronger opponents because he spent most of his life having to navigate his survival around the whims of the strongest guy in the universe room and so Goku has a foundation of safety and stability and so spends his time craving challenge and adventure and Vegeta has a foundation of challenge and adventure and spends his time craving safety and stability and the overlaid section of their venn diagram is that the only way they know how acquire and maintain those things is through battle
#thank you this has been the laziest media analysis post of my career#dbtag#media analysis#something something a game to goku is a threat to vegeta etc#there's a pinned thought here about how Vegeta also didn't learn about the dragon balls until he was ?? 30?? and so all loss is permanent#and goku has been familiar since he was ~12 and hasn't faced a permanent consequence since he was 10 years old and even then he got closure#sometimes I think about how Vegeta saw Trunks die and how Krillin was mad at him for reacting since they could fix it with the dragon balls#but Vegeta has very limited experience with the dragon so to him in that moment that was permanent and Trunks was Dead. Forever.#And we talked before in a 2am post about Vegeta having never experienced grief born of love and I stand by it because his feelings then wer#still very new and very odd and not something he'd accepted until that moment so it was raw power but not as powerful as it could've been#all this to say in my heart of hearts I think Vegeta deserves to retire at the end of super (if super continues) -- not as a warrior#but as an infantryman. he's a prince and now he's got his domain and his family and his planet to look after and I think he deserves#to go home and stay home and help piccolo bully gohan into training more often when goku inevitably leaves to hop the multiverse#geets wanted to take a sabbatical when Bulla was born but didn't get the chance because Freeza coming back freaked him out too much#but whether freeza gets a redemption arc or gets defeated -- Granolah's arc seemed to shift his perspective on being the strongest#and I just grips fist I just think it would be a really nice full circle for Vegeta to inherit his throne in a way he never expected and#finally get his kingdom to look after and protect in the way that he was looking forward to being king of his own planet all those years ag#Goku's got Broly and Jiren and Hit and all the others to keep him busy and happy now -- and if Freeza gets a redemption arc he'll probably#continue playing slap-ass with Goku for the rest of his life -- and Vegeta's got Gohan and Piccolo and Goten and Trunks#I just think them getting a nice bittersweet 'This is where we part ways' would be really nice for both of them because !!#They couldn't have done this without each other. They couldn't have known this kind of life was possible without each other.#So they swap lots and live happier than they ever imagined they could be#especially since Vegeta has proved to himself that he can close any gap Goku creates in progress that's not a concern anymore#And obvs the door's always open!! There's no point closing it Vegeta's tried the locks they don't work on Goku#anyway here's me putting the whole essay in the tags again#this isn't an essay as much as it is stream of consciousness tag blogging#anyway i'm too lazy to write fic or draw comics so we get ramblings instead
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
man i love trying making plans with a friend and 1) they forget or 2) they answer my request to shift the plans slightly after the time we made plans for /s
#context: we start school at 1 pm tomorrow (which is super rare) and so originally we'd planned for me to come over to their house and do a#sleep over except that the thought of doing a sleepover the day before school freaks my neurospicy brain out too much#so I sent them a message last night like “i'm really sorry but i'm not comfortable with doing a sleepover but yk i still want to come over!#they answered: “loool” “oki tbf i forgot 😭🙏"#“and yea idk I didn't do my homework yet.. im thinking maybe we can just call during the day and do stuff?”#“you can come over also”#“but i will be crusty and ill wake up at like 12 😭”#they sent that at like midnight and it's 5 pm and they still haven't answered my reply or even seen it and i really like them but I would#love a way of contacting them where I don't get ghosted for an entire day especially when they were the one who wanted to do something#together in the first place and now they're just off the internet and it's 5pm and i know they're practically nocturnal but they know i hav#parental controls and can't really call after like 6-7pm and AAARGH WHY DO I HAVE A CRUSH ON THEM THEY DRIVE ME NUTS SOMETIMES#rant#personal rant#no tags leave me alone#<i know there *are* tags lol but that's become my “personal post” tag lmao#also using this account bc they have my main although i don't think they're super active on here
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyone else hate long distance relationships and lack of consistent feelings on their part
#this is gonna be long in the tags sorry#and for the record. everything im going to say in here is on Me and not on my girlfriend and i know the solution is TALK TO HER#but can i have a minute to just. say it#okay. so im long distance with my girlfriend and we've been long distance (5hrs drive) the whole time#we've been together almost 9 months and in that time we've seen each other 4 times.#once in may once for halloween once for thanksgiving and today/yesterday for NYE#the longest trip of any of these was a tuesday night- sunday morning. so like. four full days of being together#but interspersed with family bc it was thanksgiving#okay. so just setting the stage#i love hanging out. i love hanging out on the couch or doing random shit like walkin around a town or grocery shopping with her#like i love being introduced to her friends and family as her partner and doing likewise to my people#like i love hanging out with her forever#but like. UGH my issue is like. any. kind of intimacy beyond literally like cuddling and holding hands?#like lack of consistency on my part. like okay sometimes kissing is fine and we're talking like a peck on the lips and then sometimes#im like. no i dont. want to do this. and obviously im not being Forced to if i asked her to not she would respect that!!#i like the Idea of kissing and sometimes i do enjoy a little peck but sometimes im like not. into it.#and then like. we've been together for a while we've Talked about sex and stuff but we have not had it yet. haven't gotten anywhere close#to it yet#like i like the idea of having sex with her but if i was faced with the reality of that right now i would freak out like just get. really#stressed? panic??? and there's no trauma in my past. i haven't ever had any kind of sex i have no trauma associated#with anything. like i would just. freak out a little. and we wouldn't have sex and that would be fine but. idk.#i dunno if i'm like. ace or something or it's just still too New of a relationship to do that? because despite being togehter for 9 months#when you've had literally less than two weeks of full days together in that time#it feels really fuckin new#i dunno man.#i'm just afraid that im just. idk not built for a relationship.#she was drunk and wanted to snuggle when we went to sleep last night and it stressed me out because i hate not being able to move when#im asleep. i told her this she gave me my room that was fine. but like man. i am never gonna want to snuggle like that#i still dont love kissing#like. for my house. okay i have very specific ideas of what i want my space to look like and feel like
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
while the translation software preserves the speaker's voice, i would imagine it doesn't give them an accent of their native language, so it must be an interesting adjustment when someone actually starts learning the language of their teammates. like same language but they have an accent now and also are notably less fluent
#also i still think that isagi being really really polite when he starts learning german because he just started learning is really funny#it freaks everyone on bm out. they're like. why are you talking to me like that. where are the death threats.#also people's voices do change pitch between languages sometimes naturally so i wonder if that's an adjustment too.#anyway as an isaness truther i think ness likes isagi's accent. why? i just do.#masayapping
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
and another thing about vocal synth fans: we will always find some adult male voicebank to turn into a funny little clown for our amusement. some guy to communally bully in our talkloids, the miserable straightman to the shenanigans, the sad little freak punchline to our jokes. it happened to kaito. it happened to gakupo. it happened genbu. it even happened a bit to kevin (although he seems to have looped around somehow). and it will happen to you too, frimomen. it will happen to you too.
#hell its already begun. or maybe he was born for this role. his origins being that of which they are#the other day i saw a favourite meal announcing dragon parody 'list of past girlfriends' with frimomen#and of course the joke was him going silent for the listing part <3 a classic but it still got me LOL#i dont know why we need to do this. i feel it too though. i see a grown ass man vocal synth and im like I NEED to make him swagless#child and teen vocal synths are mostly safe from our wrath (although we've definitely done a good bit of len bullying)#but the second i see a guy who pays his taxes i NEED to make fun of him <3 <3 <3#a vocal synth tradition. its a tradition#i dunno i was kinda thinking about genbus characterization and how in the japanese fanbase he kind of varies from what ive seen#sometimes hes a nice and calm guy with a tsundere edge. sometimes hes a goofy loud straightman to shenanigans#but overwhelmingly in the english speaking world in talkloids we turn him into this high energy beloved little freak LOL#and i love all characterizations. my own personal version is kind of all combined LOL hes friendly but a little too hype#to me he seems chill at first but is like 0-100 in like seconds <3 like his voicebank <3 <3 <3 i think he feels every emotion so so much#and absolutely suited to the straightman to hijinks role with his grumpier edge when hes embarassed#i also sometimes like to give him a bit of an unearned ego sometimes because of voicebank deprecation#hes clunky but he was the first!!! he was the first!!! hes not owned!!!! he slowly turns into a corncob#thats another characterization that mostly comes from the english speaking side LOL#TO ME genbu is like if ll nico was trying to put on a nice calm guy exterior instead of a cutesy idol exterior#which might be why genbu's becoming my favourite LOL nico was always my fav.....#going back to our favourite little guys to bully i will say nowadays kaito isnt bullied as much. because we have gakupo to bully instead#the bullying can pass on. frimomen. it can be inherited frimomen. watch out frimomen
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
My mom and I defently didn't cry after Ep3 of Heartstopper. We didnt both see ourselfs in the confession at all. Like we were so normal about that scene...
#heartstopper#heartstopper s3#heartstopper season 3#like god if this show came out during my highschool years it would have helped so much to maybe recognize my own ed faster#because i am not the shows target audiance anymore and because of that the show feels a bit cringe sometimes#but then it hits you with the talk between nick and his aunt (which i am still sad wasnt his mom because i love her actress)#and it hits you with Charlie telling his parents#and nick freaking out during the halloween party#and the therapy session#like it is a show that makes me feel old but also really hits really close to home#heartstopper season 3 spoilers
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
enough work. no more email. please.
#you can tell he is my very special boy because i'm allowing him this butterfly indulgence despite my fear and terror#me drawing a butterfly clinging on his shoulder: this is a nightmare scenario actually#wip#i draw sometimes#idm the morphos (like the minion version) that much because it's the bodies that freak me out and those are just a pair of wings#but still
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
today i bring you random tma doodles. tomorrow? who knows.......
#just me and my shitty sketchbook against the world it seems#i cant draw on my mac bc it doesnt have pen pressure bc it was made in like 2001 :(#idk if ive told the story of my shitty mac on this blog but basically:#a few years ago my cousin was like dumpster diving?? or smth?? and she found this old 2001 ish mac#so she fixed it up for me and gave it to me for my birthday#its too old to work with my tablet fully so it doesnt support pen pressure and slowly over the years its been degrading more and morw#now google freaks out if i try to visit any page that isnt my email and i cant get any other search engine to work lol#it also starts chugging when i have too many pngs in my files and gets hot enough to burn when i make too many layers in firealpaca#oh also i cant get anything other than firealpaca to work on my mac#its like having an old horse that you still make work on the farm despite the fact that it faints from heat exaustion all the time-#-and sometimes doesnt wake up the first few times you call its name. but you dont want to put it down and it refuses to die of old age#my art#doodles#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#jonmartin#melanie king#i love you melanie!!!!!!!!!!!! she own my heart!!!!!!!!!#georgie barker#do they have a ship name#basira hussain#not my best basira but its so small in my sketchbook lol
57 notes
·
View notes