#it still baffles me like i have so many questions and i will never get answers to *why* this was even a thing

[lionblaze03-2]

sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.

[livingsurreal]

More thoughts and theories about our favorite Necromancer

My darlings, I have too many thoughts and my obsession is running wild. (How I missed you, hyperfocus). If you have read my last meta post about our Emmrich, here it is: First Meta Post

That is not a required read however. I am still wondering why anyone is reading my word vomit U_U

Anyway, I love reading other peoples theories, so please, send me yours. <3 And a lot of thanks and love for all you darlings who make this fandom such a beautiful and nice place. Especially to @jaal-ama-daravv - who makes the most beautiful videos, and writes such wonderful character studies.

Warning, from here on there will be spoilers as well as mentions of sex. If you don't want to read about any of that, do not read the rest.

Also pictures and way too many words. This is a ten page word document, save yourself while you can. I tend to go off on a tangent once I start writing. I am also well aware that not everyone will agree. This is just my personal read on Emmrich.

Now, after my first essay I have some more thoughts on Emmrich and Rook and specifically their intimate relationship.

Emmrich is such an interesting and baffling contradiction. On the one hand he is confident, self-assured, all manners and poise. He is smart, and he knows it. He has special gifts, and he knows it.  He is confident without being proud. He likes to teach others without being arrogant. He still likes to learn about new things and is, as far as I’ve seen, never judgmental about different beliefs and ways of life. (Unless someone treats him with disdain or bully him)

He is a man who is confident speaking of his thoughts and feelings and fears. How he just casually drops his thanatophobia is just astonishing. He is honest and open-minded in the best ways.

And then there is the other side of him. The wet kitten side of him. As open and honest as he is about his emotions, when we get to the meat of it, to the scary bit, the real feely bit, he locks up completely. As long as it is surface level (or he can pretend its surface level), everything is up for discussion. But once we reach deeper and touch *love* he gets so scared and refuses to admit and commit to his feelings. And as much *death* scares him, love scares him more.

So how does that influence his intimate relationship with Rook?

According to the banter with Lace “everyone knows about it”. He was rather surprised by that.

That tells us two things:

They were trying to be sneaky or at least keep their private business private.

They failed, massively.

Add to that Laces comment about them moving rather fast (when, where? I would have loved to have seen that. Comments like that just give me the feeling that we should have had some more cutscenes after the dinner date, to show us those two besotted fools).

But back to them moving rather fast. I would guess that they both did a lot of gazing lovingly at each other, blushing, spacing out while watching their darling, stollen kisses in the hallway when they thought no one was watching, stuff like that. Just being to besotted fools.

But moving fast usually includes sex. Lots of needy, sweaty sex. The inability to keep their hands of each other.

That moves us to the question of the day – did they have sex before their coffin time?

Let’s look at what we know about Emmrich. Emmrich is no virgin. That man has experience. He had past lovers. But what he tells us at that sweet diner date – “nothing serious for years.” We know not much else besides his crush on a boy in his youth and his fling with the Orlesian Art Lady. He is not someone to kiss and tell and that is appreciated. That man has class, and we love him for it.

So - nothing SERIOUS for years. If he hadn’t had ANY relationships in the past years, he would have said so. But what he says is that he did, in fact, have UNSERIOUS relationships in the last few years.

I would read that to be somewhere along the “fwb, lovers, affairs, paramours, companions, a fling, a little romance” line. Something not purely, but mainly physically driven. Someone you like and respect, you can go out and have a good time with, have lots of amazing sex with (b/c he is a living being and has his needs). Spending time with people he liked, was sexually attracted too, but nothing as serious as love. A physical relationship. A little thrill, some fluttering, but never that deep.

Not to say that those situationships would not have been romantic. He is (buried under all that resignation) a deeply romantic man. I am pretty sure he went on nice romantic dates with his previous paramours too. That this is something he just enjoys too much. Treating a companion with some quality time, not just in, but also out of the bedroom.

But after he’d given up on his dreams, he did not have any notion of those flings being more than a “enjoy the moment”. There was never the expectation of deeper feelings, beyond friendship, attraction and/or respect. All those romantic gestures were nothing more than a little bit of “play pretend”. To give himself the illusion of true romance, just for a little time.

Take the fact that you can go a “everything you do is creepy but I still flirt with you and I want you to throw me over that tombstone” and his comment on “the attraction of the forbidden”? This is not a relationship born of mutual respect and deeper feelings but out of purely physical attraction. And he is OK with that.

I want to repeat – Emmrich is very much okay with a casual, sexual affair. He does not require love to have a relationship with someone.

And then think about that Johanna calls Rook specifically his “paramour”. Which is a lover, especially an illicit one. This word was very specifically chosen by Johanna. For various reasons, I would think.

For one, I do believe that it is a dig at his dreams of the eternal flame. It’s a dig at him, that Rook is not his love, but his paramour. A lover for a time. To be parted from soon enough. B/c that silly dream of his, as if it ever would become reality.

Second, I think it is a comment on the way his relationships often went, especially in the past years. Those unserious flings of his. Never to amount to anything substantial.

Did he try to have something serious in the past? Oh yes, for sure. But it never worked out. Then he gave up his dream and just let himself have a good time with people he found to be nice and attractive.

To pick up my point of self-sabotage from my last meta post – I’ve come to a point where I believe Emmrich is a kind of chaser. I know someone like that and it’s so fucking tragic.

Emmrich feels deeply and strongly. When he falls in love with someone it’s a lot of emotion. But at that point it’s all dream, want, wish. As soon as someone returns these feelings - those dreams, wants and wishes become reality. And reality is scary. In this wishful dream about the eternal flame, there is no fear. No fights. No loss. But that is not reality. As soon as it becomes reality, he gets scared. Before, his feelings were no threat, because you can’t lose what you don’t have. Once those feelings are returned, there is a clear possibility of losing, of being lost, of being left behind.

Emmrich is not a chaser because he enjoys the hunt. He is a chaser because being loved by someone is scary. So damn scary. So, he starts to pick fights and is looking for excuses. From being the chaser, he becomes the chased. He is hunted by his fears, and his fight or flight instincts go all flight.

After years of this cycle he gives up. Resigns himself to flings and little romances without even thinking of more. Or so he thinks. Dreams like that don’t die, they just get buried.

And I’d think that there was not many, even of those short term flings, lately. His life revolves around work and Manfred.

Now remember he comments on Rook “showing unexpected interest in a new companion”.

First of all – unexpected.

They are a daring adventurer. He thinks of himself clearly as the more boring one, compared to Rook. He never expected any of those flirts. But he is clearly flattered.

Second – companion.

That was such a weird way of saying “hey do you like me?”. This whole “companion” thing does not scream “I have FEELZ for you/you have FEELZ for me” but rather, “I think you might want to spend some quality time with me”.

The possible answers - dashing good looks, kindness, his way of words.

He feels he is fortunate if Rook thinks him good looking. Hallo, Mr. Professor, sir… Have you looked in the mirror lately? Consider that he is meticulously grooming himself, takes his exercises daily in the morning. That man does not like himself aging. I think it is a reminder of how his pending death is a step closer every day. But it shows, to him, that his efforts of taking care of himself are not in vain. Or maybe it shows him that his age does not matter. Rook finds him attractive despite (or because) of his physical age.

Rooks comment on his very charming way of putting things makes him hope his years behind the lectern have proved useful. Hey *years* behind the lectern. Again, this is a way of saying his age is NOT a problem but a benefit.

If Rook remarks his kindness, he answers “you humble me”. It’s the one answer that does not touch his age/experience/looks. It’s a remark on an innate character trait he possesses. Kindness. His whole demeanor in this option shows he is actually touched. And maybe a bit baffled. He did not expect this, at all. Its like he sees his kindness not as an attractive trait. Which he should. He is nice without TM and its sexy as hell.

The next part is his statement “If your attentions go beyond charming flattery… that would interest me, indeed”. This reads to me not necessarily as “do you have feelings for me” but as “do you just enjoy the flirting, or do you want to do more than flirting?”

And oh boy, does he want to do more than flirting. I want to repeat my earlier statement – this man has given up on love. But some little fling with an exiting young adventure who was constantly, awkwardly flirting with him? Hell, yeah.

(I want to remind you that we were able to have mutually enjoyed flirts with Dorian as fem!Inky. You can flirt with someone and still never want to fuck them. And you are also perfectly able to want more than flirting without having deeper feelings. Like sweet, dump Shepaloo said it so eloquently “Lets bang, okay?”)

Again, I want to pick up a point of my last post, that this is all surface level thoughts. I do believe that their emotional attraction and depth of feelings go deeper, from the start. But how often does it take quite a bit of time to realize one’s own feelings. Especially this wonderful, silly man whose modus operandi is running away.

Now, an interested Rook can answer in an open “lets see where this goes” way. Mirroring his rather open idea of a little romance, a fling, some quality time. Something that does not have to end in an eternal flame, but a simple enjoyment and exploration of the moment.

Rook can also reply with a “I think they do.” – What Rook actually says is “I think they already…”

And conveniently Rooks answer here is cut short by our sweet boy Manfred. They get cut short, no matter what answer you choose, but in this specific case, I am convinced this was very much on purpose. What would the whole sentence have been?

“I think they already go way beyond flattery.” (?!?) Something along those lines. But that goes into danger zone. WAY into danger zone.

If Rook had finished that sentence, at that point in their budding romance? It would have been over before is all started. Too much, too soon. Too much for him, period.

Now we have the hard lock – their sweet romantic moment in the Memorial Gardens. And he is smitten. He fell hook, line, and sinker for his own play pretend. Just a little romance, but that man is falling, fast. (Not that he would admit that to himself).

A beautiful date, all arranged by Emmrich, to spend time with Rook. Because a couple should have a quite moment to get to know each other. I mean there were menu cards with gilded edges, ffs. And, oh yes, they were “lets dig into the feelings”, he said couple. He is falling, falling, falling fast. But it still hasn’t hit him, how deep he has fallen for his darling Rook. Poor Emmrich.

Then a fight, where we really see the wet kitten side of him for the first time. A little wet, feral kitten, hissing at the hand that’s trying to feed it.

Emmrich is lashing out for no good reason (or no good reason for anyone but himself). There is no real confidence there but a desperate act of pretending. An iron (slipping) grip, trying to control himself and the narrative. Shoulders squared, back straight, an arrogant stance, raised chin, turned half-away from Rook, and a condescending way of talking to Rook.

Like I said in my last post – he is working his way up to breaking up with them. And he tells himself it’s like ripping off a bandaid. Be strong and confident and say what you have to say, and they will see the wisdom of that.

It’s only that, they don’t. Because there IS NO wisdom in what he is doing right now. They don’t take his bullshit but throw it back at him. They don’t accept his mock excuses.

Look at him here, how he looks down ON them. I can’t recall any other time he looks down on Rook, despite him being a tall king.

Especially the route where Rook throws it in his face that he DOES in fact love them. Speak what he can’t even think.

“I can’t… At my…”

“I can’t love you. At my age…” Why not? Does he not deserve love, just because he is a bit older? It’s just heartbreaking how he views himself.

And again, he lashes out.

“I am perfectly serious.” So is Rook.

“One of us has to pay attention to these things.” As if Rook is not paying attention. They got to the meat and bones of his problem in just a few seconds.

No matter what route you go here, the gist is the same. He is scared shitless, treats Rook like a child, and goes on how the is the only one thinking the important thoughts.

When Rook in reality way ahead of him. They thought about it and came to the conclusion that being with Emmrich is a really good idea.

Rook knew they were falling for someone older than them. (Even if that age difference is just a decade, with a mid-40s Rook.) They knew it, and still went with it. They are not a child who is too inexperienced and stupid to make decisions about their (love) life.

But now, here, at this moment? Emmrich treats them with disdain. Like a silly little person, who does not think things through. He holds himself above them. Physically and mentally. They are too young, he knows better.

And not once has he done that before. He always treated them as an equal. He follows them into the most dangerous situations ffs. He trusts them with his life in a fight against would-be gods.

All that fear and anger at himself that reaches a new high get redirected at Rook.

The next day they are off to Tearstone Island. That night must have been hell. For both of them. But its going to get much much worse.

In any case, Emmrich seems to have come to some conclusion or realization, because on that island? He apologizes.

They both did react very emotionally, but he came at Rook with superiority and, to a certain degree, dishonesty. All fueled by his fear. So that he is the one to take the first step and apologize to Rook instead of doubling down? An important step. As I said in my last post – he NEEDED to be called out. A sweet and nice counterargument would not have had the impact Rooks raw an honest emotion hat on him.

Emmrich “Rook? Darling? I wanted to say-“

Rook “Yeah, about that argument…”

Emmrich “(Sighs) It’s no time to apologize, is it?”

And here we have the most heartbreaking line, in hindsight. “We’ll talk back home, Emmrich. I promise.”

(Narrator: but they would, in fact, not talk about it back home. Because someone would not go home.)

One fight and weeks of horror later, they find themselves in a private crypt and finally they do more than share a kiss.

Now - to the point I originally wanted to explore with this post – is this in fact their first time? (I am sorry, but my brain is a circle and nothing makes sense)

Let’s look at what evidence we have from the cut-scene.

Rook did not know he is an early riser.

That leaves two possibilities:

They never had sex up until that point.

They did have sex, but never spent the night together.

Now what does that mean?

This depends a lot on your personal Rook and how they feel about sex in general. If Rook wants to wait, or is not ready, he will absolutely accept and respect that.

But for the sake of this analysis lets go with the idea that Rook is not opposed to sex at an earlier date.

They never slept with each other

Why? He clearly was not opposed to casual relationships in the past. What would hold him back now? Especially if you recall Laces comment about them moving fast. Why not jump into the bedroom?

Now my first crack theory is that they get interrupted, like every time. (Rook interrupted The Dread Wolf, and now he cursed them to always be interrupted when they want to have some private time)

But now, in all seriousness, maybe it’s just that part of him DOES realize that this goes beyond a very unserious relationship. That they both have deeper feelings, that spark of something greater, something beautiful.

So, he holds back. He does not give his all. He is charming, he is flirty, he takes Rook on dates. But it’s all very technical. Very performative. Yes, he is a very romantic man, yes he enjoys those moments. But there is always a feeling of control.

Those moments when you see him let go a bit (that kiss beneath the eternal lovers, “I think, sometimes you indulge me”), are so beautiful and you glimpse a bit of the man behind those walls.

He has a tell, you see. (I am telling you about it further down)

But generally, he feels very much in control of himself. And to lie with Rook? To go all the way? Too dangerous. Who knows what happens in that sweet moment after la petit mort? What secrets would his lips spill?

2. They slept together, but did not spent the night together.

They do have sex, but sleep alone in their own beds. Casual sex is fine, but to fall asleep in each other’s arms? Too much. Too real. Sex okay, but sleepy post coitus cuddly? Woah, slow down your horses.

So, they have sex, preferably in Rooks bed. First, does he even have a bed? Second, it’s way easier to leave Rooks bed after the act, than throwing them out afterwards.

Oh, and how many reasons he has. Rook needs their uninterrupted sleep; they are stressed and must have proper rest. He wants to get some reading done before he retires. He needs to look after Manfred.

Oh, he is a bad liar, for sure. He is lying more to himself than to Rook. I would think that (if this is the build up to their fight) Rook realizes that he is giving poor excuses.

And the sex itself? A technical 10/10. He knows his anatomy, after all. But his heart is not really in it. He can’t allow himself to. He holds back, keeps a tight lid on his emotions. They both are well spent afterwards, but like so much else, it’s performative. Technically very well executed, but rarely do you see HIM, the real him, behind all that performance. Whenever something slips through, he reels back and closes up.

And then we are in that crypt. Rook was gone for weeks. The last thing they said that night before were words of anger. Rook called him out on his feelings and from that point on there was no possible way of lying to himself anymore. Those feelings were there. They were real. Rooks feelings were real. And those weeks spent in desperation, trying to  get them back? Those walls came crashing down.

His true face, when all the walls are gone? You see that face when Rook leads him to the coffin. There is no pretense anymore. No performance. Just him, and all his love for Rook. The amount of emotion the animation team packed into those short moments in the cutscene? Mindblowing. Who ever crafted that expression on his face? They are the GOAT. I watch this part of that scene on repeat, and it never gets old.

So, I told you about how he has a tell, yes? Okay, two actually, but we all know surprised pikachu Emmrich. In that last scene it is resolved in the most beautiful way.

He looks down, when something touches him deeply, when he goes into his feels.

A few (way to many) examples:

And the worst wet kitten look? After the fight, when Rook leaves.

Its a look of shame. Of hurt. This man is hurting so badly.

Now here at the end we have that moment when Rook leads him to the coffin. His face turns down, like before. But here he looks up at Rook. He does not turn his eyes away but looks directly at them. Ahhh my heart.

Now, think about the fact that ROOK is leading in that moment?

In those moments where Rook leads or startles him (or is simply annoying enough so that the truth slips out), you see the most emotion from him.

Rooks flirting startles him, and he has a pikachu face reaction every time.

Their first kiss? Rook leans against the monument, and leans up, telling him without words that NOW is the time for a kiss. How can he not go for a second kiss?

That moment when Rook calls Manfred “our son”? He very conveniently ignores the word “OUR” and goes in defense mode over the word “son”. But called out on his feelings for Manfred? How can he deny them? He has tears in his voice when he says how he would not exchange this moment for anything? A real, deep emotion.

In their fight Emmrich is again all technical, all performance, so logical (or what he sells himself as logic). But Rook wrestles that moment from him and takes lead, calls him out on his bullshit.

In the crypt Rook pulls him up into a kiss and then leads him to the coffin, guiding him, taking him with them.

Most of the other times he takes the lead, very much in control. But the most emotions you get from him, are those times Rooks leads, when he lets go of this tight control over himself, or he is startled in to a reaction. For all the age difference that is played up in their relationship, in the important moments Rook is the one who guides. And he follows where they lead.

Those little moans he makes? If they did have sex before, I bet he did not make those sounds then. Where they did have some incredible sex, now they are making love. Open, vulnerable. He gives in.

And then they fall asleep together. Skin to skin, arms and legs intertwined. Their hands caressing, no sound but that of their heartbeats and soft breaths. Pure and utter contentment. In that moment nothing exists but them. Can you imagine that moment he woke up? The amount of emotions he must have felt then? This need to speak those little words? Those huge little words. He does not say them, not yet. But he is almost ready.  

Finally, they stand there, on the battlefield of Elgar’nans madness. And he tells Rook. The last wall falls. Gives the most precious thing he can give to anyone.

“I love you.”

[bugisastranger]

hey babe 🩷 if you have the time or inspiration to write please consider fake dating to lovers with Clark Kent, like a to all the boys I’ve loved before typa situation

a/n: thank u for the request anon!!! sorry it took me a bit to get around to it - i can be a busy busy gal.

"you want me to what?"

clark's voice is unlike anything you'd ever heard from him, his shock nothing less than apparent. you shush him, looking around the hallway to see if anyone's noticed. it's lucky for you that nobody did.

"come on, clark. it's one night! not even! it's like, a few hours at most."

"can't you ask someone else? pete?"

"i don't want to ask pete. he won't be able to sell it."

"and you think i can?" he's exasperated, leaning closer to you as if he's suddenly aware how many people could overhear this conversation. "i'm a horrible liar."

"please? you know how my family can be," you whisper, looking up at clark. he sighs, hanging his head. he does know how your family can be—overbearing—which is exactly why he's hesitant. but you're you, so how can he actually say no?

"okay. okay, fine."

"really?" you ask, nearly jumping out of your skin. your arms slide around clark's neck as you excitedly let out a few small 'thank you's. clark's still frozen in place from his decision, but forces one of his arms to slide awkwardly around your hip. he's in for it, isn't he?

the ringing of the school bell pulls the two of you apart, and you quickly shut your locker, making your way towards your first class. clark keeps his place beside you. "so, what does this mean, exactly? what do you want from me?"

"jeez, clark, that sounds like i'm holding you hostage. it's just a favor."

"yeah, yeah. whatever. what do you need me to do?" he asks, taking his seat next to you at the lab table.

"i don't know. whatever feels natural," you say, bending to the side to pull your textbook out of your bag, a gesture which clark never would've took a second glance at. but today, with your hair falling in front of your face (and then you pushing it away), something's different. he doesn't even notice he forgot to say something in response to you until you glance back at him, confused at his silence.

"uh—" he clears his throat. "how am i supposed to know what's natural? we've never dated before." oops. overly sarcastic.

"have you never even considered it?"

"what?" clark's baffled by your question, but you ask it so casually, like it's not taking the ground out from beneath his feet. it's not that he hasn't considered it. it's that he has. he knows all too well how he wants to walk with his arm around your shoulders, how he wants to have you cuddle into his side as you watch a movie, how he wants to absolutely spoil you—as if he has the money for that anyway. "i—"

"you know what? forget i said that. i don't wanna know," you mutter. "just, like, pretend like you're obsessed with me, i don't know."

"hey, lovebirds! you done?" the teacher calls from the front of the classroom.

as clark starts, "oh, we're n—"

you say, "sorry! we're sorry." and then the both of you, red in your faces, stay silent. you barely even move, feeling reprimanded, even though your teacher was barely offended.

when the teacher lets the class work in pairs, clark decides to use the time to talk to you instead. he could do the work later. "can you just give me an idea of what the night's going to look like, at least?"

you take a quick glance at the teacher, making sure her eyes aren't on you and clark. "you'll come over and i'll introduce you as my boyfriend. my parents won't be suspicious, because i'll start bringing it up today. and they won't be too intimidating. my uncle might, but they'll love you. there's something about you that screams 'good guy' and they'll pick up on it." you twirl the pen in your hands. "it'll be fine. you have nothing to worry about, really." clark feels his heart skip a beat when you place your hand on his bicep—which is supposed to be a comforting gesture. what's happening to him? you've touched him before. plenty of times, actually. this shouldn't mean a thing.

a few days later, and clark is taking deep breaths as he walks down the path to your front door. before he can even meet the porch, you're outside, greeting him. he nearly stops in his tracks when he sees you, your hair half up, half down. the dress you're wearing is baby pink, and something about this sight—seeing you so... girly does something to him, even if he won't admit it.

"hi," you say, breaking the awkward silence. "ignore the dress, i'm trying something a little different."

"no, it's good. you look great," he forces. and then, he remembers he's supposed to be your boyfriend, he's allowed to flirt with you. "you look really pretty." he swears he sees your expression change, like you're nervous. it makes his hand tense, and he nearly crushes the stems of the flowers he forgot he's holding. "oh, these are for you."

"thank you. this is..."

"good enough, i hope?"

"better. i knew you wouldn't let me down."

"can't leave my girlfriend hanging, can i?" oh. oh. that gets you. and clark knows it, too.

"uh—" you start, looking at him with what can only be described as a mix of shock and infatuation. "we should go inside."

and as you're walking towards your front door—"i should call you something, shouldn't i?"

"what?" you turn back around, facing him.

"honey," he tries. "no, too mature. babe?" clark watches your reactions carefully, and even though you seem affected, 'babe' doesn't have the punch he was hoping for. "sweetheart?" bingo.

"sweetheart is fine," you mutter, trying to ignore the way your face heats up.

"okay, sweetheart. you ready for this?" you nod, walking towards the door with clark at your side. "what about princess?"

"too much. you can't call me that in front of my family."

"but i can call you that when we're alone?"

"clark!"

"it's just a question, sweetheart," clark teases, fighting back a chuckle. he could do this the rest of his life.

part two coming soon?!

[meanbossart]

LORE ASK COMPILATION: "Still not banging Halsin, Squid Games, Sun King, Failing at love quizzes, Bottoms, Tops, and Cats" Edition

He didn't, Halsin wasnt around for act 3, too busy healing land and saving ghost children or something!

THANK YOU/I'M SORRY, I'm surprised there isn't more Bhaalist Dark Urge/Spawn Astarion stuff out there. Don't get me wrong, I love a good evil power couple, but who can resist the good ol'heartbreak of a vicious unending cycle brought on by your own senselessness!

That wasn't something I was interested in previously just because acquiring the slayer form isn't part of his canon, but I've been looking at enough fromsoft games' monster designs that I might be a little inspired to try LOL

Also I am just a fan of the canon design and never before thought it needed altering. But I'll let it cook ;)

God damn it.

DU drow was VERY antagonizing towards the emperor since the moment he dropped the facade, which made the attempt ESPECIALLY hilarious - that poor guy is so, so lonely.

I don't recall the exact wording in-game, but once the emperor took his shiny squid pecs out and shot his shot, DU drow recoiled and called him disgusting. After having the visions of Stelmane forced upon him to make whatever baffling point the emperor was trying to make, DU drow smugly asserted that he had finally let the mask slip and their very terrible date ended with the Emperor enforcing their reluctant need for one another, for the time being.

In-prose, that would honestly be pretty much it. DU drow would have reacted with absolute revulsion at the prospect of being hit on by a mindflayer, and taken the Emperor's (miscalculated) moment of lashed-out vulnerability as a win - as proof that he was exactly as duplicitous as he always assumed the Emperor to be.

I can assure everyone that I am as entertained by the thought as the rest of you and it is in the cards for future art, I just have... So many prompts... I have at least 5 different mini-comics I want to make, BESIDES singular pieces, BESIDES the fanfic... I wish I had more time and more hands.

But DU drow's unlikely semi-success as a parental figure is hilarious to me. I think about it constantly.

I haven't entertained that thought much because its antithetical to DU drow's character. Whether "good" or evil, he wouldn't allow Astarion to ascend because of his fear of no longer being needed and his reluctance to watch his partner be consumed by out-sourced power and changed into something he despises. Realistically, in a world where Astarion is allowed to ascend they could only break up and inevitably kill each other soon after.

That said, I am fascinated by the Sun King and the implications that path has for his character. So far that is an arc that I can only really see Astarion taking on alone, though - that might change in the future, might not. We'll see!

IF I CAN MAKE IT NOT ENTIRELY MISERABLE, I JUST MIGHT.

He got 2 out of 3 questions wrong - which is to say he was way too honest and Astarion didn't like that.

Except for the "when is he the happiest" question, which he correctly answered with "when he's neck deep in gore".

This is not even a lore-embelishment, this is actually how that scene went for me and I cackled about it for ages.

He would love to get tied up for old-times' sake. I doubt he knows much about fancy knots but Astarion might (though I might be in a minority that doubts his enforced "sex life" was actually that interesting at all.)

Thank you so much!

You are mostly correct. Bhaalist drow, both pre and post tadpole would be much more keen on the idea of having people around who fulfill their every desire - EXCEPT for killing. That is a joy they take on for themselves.

"Canon" DU drow values his independence a lot, on the other hand. He's neutral on the idea of slavery (what a sentence) and wouldn't be opposed to temporary servicing, but the idea of having someone around waiting for orders doesn't attract him at all, or at least would get on his nerves quick. He much preffers to do things himself and makes sure that other people see how much he does not need assistance.

The answer is yes, basically LOL.

DU drow both adores and despises Sceleritas presence and he doesn't know why. It very much reflects the type of relationship they used to have prior to DU drow's memory loss, and it's one of those things that he has conflicting feelings about but not any context for them.

I sadly doubt that the boys would become parents during Shadowheart's lifetime (it's for the best, they have a lot of work to do before I would trust them not to drop a baby), but honestly she strikes me as really liking kids as long as she doesn't have to, well, have them LOL.

And thank you so much for enjoying them and humoring me!

I think it is less about bottoming-topping and more about enjoying a more submissive role during sex, as well as in other scenarios. He believes that giving control away is, in a way, a show of devotion that goes both ways - his own for the willingness to do so, and his partner's for not taking advantage of it despite his wanting them to do so.

With one-night-stands (which he occasionally had pre-tadpole) he would still bottom without any of the submissiveness. This is because he didn't have the capacity to understand what it was about bottoming that attracted him, and led him to feeling constantly unfulfilled and frustrated (he just isn't build for no-strings-attatched type of arrangements, lol.)

This means that he really could operate either way depending on the partner as long as he got that fix of docility, whether it be from the bottom or top.

I think of Astarion as being similarly versatile but leaning more in the opposite direction when it comes to power-dynamics - though it being less about dominance itself and more about being pampered and catered to - and, of course, getting to do what he wants. Though he's willing to try most things a partner is particularly enthusiastic for just to see how he feels about it.

That said with DU drow he does prefer to top for a plethora of reasons.

I didn't have this piece of lore thought-up at the time, but I should have made them look like the lady he lost his virginity to.

Him and Astarion were gobbling those things up until the emperor reveal, then they both quit it cold-turkey after DU drow stomped the astral-tadpole dead (and back then you didn't have to roll any dice to do it, because otherwise we would have weird veiny DU drow to deal with for sure because he would NOT have suceeded that save.)

DU drow's feelings towards animals is a constant in every iteration of his character. They are organic little pieces of art wandering about the world that act upon their own laws and regulations, ones which humanoids aren't privy to - except for when they intrude into that world through magic and try to understand it through their overly-complicated systems and concepts. If a cat made the temple it's home, it can stay.

[yanderes-galore]

may i request a romantic yandere concept for Lucifer with Fallen Angel! Darling? Maybe he used to have a crush on them before he fell, so seeing them again after such long time just makes his old feelings come back in the worst way possible..

Thank you so much for giving me a background, lol! It helped a lot when working on this ^^ Sorry for the long wait, hope it was worth it.

Yandere! Lucifer with Fallen Angel! Darling

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Possessive behavior, Kidnapping, Delusional behavior, Forced relationship.

Before Lucifer fell? What a long time...

Yet he no doubt remembers his time up there.

I imagine Lucifer knew you before he seduced Eve and married Lilith.

He kinda has to, right?

You were probably his first companion... Possibly a crush he had no idea how to act on.

He was quite... naive? Young?

Either way, back then he was rather inexperienced, even as an angel.

He always asked too many questions and seemed to stick his nose where it doesn't belong.

You knew him well back then.

You were two close friends, Lucifer had always remembered you fondly.

Everything about you was, well, angelic.

Your smile, your gaze, your pretty pure wings.

Like many things in heaven, you were a beauty to behold.

Lucifer, in hindsight, wishes he spent more time with you.

Things were simple back then.

Just two angels, sharing some talk.

There was no Hell yet and Lucifer was still that beaming dreamer that many found troublesome.

But you never thought that.

You were just as curious.

You were curious about him, humankind, and all of creation.

Even before Lucifer met Lilith it seems he was corrupting you.

Lucifer often told you of the dealings he and Lilith did.

He wasn't sure why... but maybe it was because you'd always perk up with stars in your eyes when you listened.

Although... Once temptation was introduced to humankind...

You were forced to watch Lucifer fall from grace.

Lucifer still remembers the fear in your eyes when you watch your companion fall.

He had always remembered you since that day.

Yet he was also occupied with his new wife, Lilith, deep in this new kingdom created by their hands.

Hell.

Honestly, Lucifer didn't think he'd see you again.

Why would he?

Far as he knew, you were quite the pure angel.

You belonged up there... while he deserved to take his punishment.

Lucifer didn't start thinking about you again until Lilith disappeared.

It was then, when he was alone with his rubber ducks, that he began to realize how much you meant to him.

He's a king... yet he's a pitiful king in this state.

Even now he misses the companionship you two would share.

But then there's... news.

A fallen angel has entered Hell.

Lucifer would normally not care when another soul enters Hell.

But an angel?

That's already surprising enough.

He probably met you after helping Charlie rebuild the Hotel.

Which only seems to surprise him more.

At first, well, he thinks he's dreaming.

There's... There's no way you're here!

Yet when he gets a close look...

It is you.

This was really you.

You look different due to the fall... but you.

Lucifer probably tears up when he sees you, like seeing a long lost friend.

A long lost love...

He's been alone for so long.

I don't doubt him hugging you when he sees you, baffling you and the other demons for a moment.

Until Lucifer starts dumping info, saying you two were close in Heaven.

Lucifer is quite excited you came down here.

He isn't sure how you ended up here...

Yet he's happy you are!

It's for... selfish reasons, but that's expected of a demon.

With you here, he's no longer alone!

He has his fellow (fallen) angel friend to keep him company!

Not only that... but he wants to show you the world he's been thriving in for... who knows how long?

You're scared when you first arrive... Completely expected.

You fell due to following Lucifer's teachings and agreeing with Charlie's plan to reform sinners.

Which is how you end up falling into Lucifer's new home.

Knowing how delusional and alone Lucifer is at this point, even after reconciling with his daughter, he'd probably think this was destiny.

You two were meant to meet again!

You were meant to save him from being lonely like the angel you are! (were?)

You'd no doubt be Lucifer's next love interest, even if you were technically his first.

Sometimes he's sorry for being away for so long.

You two would've been cute together up there...

....

But that can still happen, right!?

Lucifer definitely shows you around his home and reminisces about your time together in Heaven.

To you, he's like a friend who simply hasn't seen another friend in a long time.

Yet that's such a naive view...

In reality, due to his fragile mental state, Lucifer is quickly falling in love all over again.

I imagine now, in Hell, his feelings get twisted.

After all, he's no angel anymore.

You aren't either.

He can be possessive, he can be manipulative...

He's clingy, desperate, and hopes you still enjoy his presence.

To him, everything about you is still beautiful.

He hopes you're still a dreamer.

He hopes you understand how he feels.

He's delusional, probably accidentally confessing within weeks.

Then when he realizes it, he begs you to stay.

He's a king now!

He'll give you everything and anything!

Please don't leave too!

If... If you do...

Maybe he needs to clip your wings?

Lucifer doesn't have many... morals in this state.

Again, King of Hell and all.

So keeping you with him by force, even if he doesn't fully realize it, doesn't register as wrong to him.

He'll manipulate you or straight up lock you away.

If he wanted to restrict your power, he probably could since you both are fallen angels.

He's desperate to not be alone again.

He clings to you, perhaps even in demonic form, pleading you don't leave.

When you try to pull away, try to reason, try to run from your corrupted friend...

He merely strokes your wings in a comforting touch, whispering sweet nothings...

Before locking you away, chaining your wings, just so he can keep his closest companion.

Your wings bleed with your attempts to flee... the glowing ichor staining your skin.

You're miserable... tortured by your delusional companion's obsession...

But to Lucifer...

It was torture losing you... torture being alone...

But now, you're in his territory, his domain...

Now? Well, now you'll never leave him!

He won't let it happen.

He's sick of being alone.

He just wants to hold you... kiss you... love you...

He wants you to be his.

He's waited a long time for this.

He knows you're scared... but... you'll grow used to your new home...

He'll take care of you, he'll love you until he sees that familiar sparkle of happiness in your eyes...

But just when he thinks he sees your eyes sparkle when you look at him...

He quickly realizes it's tears.

[memyselfandi2008-blog]

So, I’ve just recently seen a few videos on TikTok about people leaving their best friend of however many years because they started dating someone, and it just confuses the absolute hell out of me.

Like, a few women have posted about leaving their male friends because he got a girlfriend, and I’m just sitting here like… you don’t have to do that?

You shouldn’t have to break years (or even a handful of months) of your friendship off because he got a girlfriend.

I mean, I did see a few comments talk about how it’s a “trust thing,” or something like that, but like… a trust thing for who?

If it’s for the girlfriend, that’s a red flag, is it not? Like, the idea that she can’t accept that her boyfriend has female friends? The fact she doesn’t trust him to not go behind her back? Or even try to form relationships with his friends and get to know them better?

If it’s for the guy, that’s also a red flag. As said before he should be trustworthy and loyal—his affection for his girlfriend shouldn’t have to be called into question. The idea that there is even a sliver of possibility for that to happen is not grounds for a healthy relationship.

If it’s for the friend, again, red flag. The fact you’d go out of your way to pursue him if you didn’t break off your friendship is extremely muffed up.

Men (and women in the reverse) should be allowed to have opposite gendered best friends without the concept of romance just hanging over their heads for their entire lives, or needless petty drama of the idea that “oh they could be dating!! >:(” when that thought has never crossed their minds.

Hell, even if they did used to date and broke it off, but still remained friends, that should be a sign that their breakup was healthy for both of them and that they won’t plan to get together again. They were both mature and realized that a romance wasn’t something they wanted.

This entire concept just baffles me.

I mean, it’s videos like those that make me paranoid that I’m the reason my guy friend hasn’t gotten a girlfriend yet. There’s been so many points where I’ve just though that he’d be better off if I just stopped being his friend, that maybe it’d be easier for him if we never even met in the first place.

I just don’t understand why men and women can’t just be friends. There always has to be something, some underlying feeling that people just assume is there, when it’s really nothing at all.

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

Prompt 7 with Malleus? And the reader as the ghost? 😳

Visions of the Past; Malleus Draconia

Content; Gender-neutral reader, hurt/comfort, pining left unresolved

Content Warning; Reader death (not heavily described)

Word Count; 700+

Please do not put my work into AI. If you would like to see more of my work check out my masterlist!

Time heals all wounds. But Malleus knew that wasn’t true. Yes, time may heal physical wounds, although not always perfectly, but it no longer weeps or festers. Whereas emotional wounds, such as trauma, grief, and anger do not fade or heal in the same manner as a cut would.

Malleus was standing outside the entrance of Ramshackle, once his nightly walking grounds turned to the home of the first person that befriended him for him. The first person who didn’t know or care, even after finding out about his identity, that he was the Malleus Draconia. A magicless human who treated him as they did with others, but with a tad bit more ease, humour, and kindness since they were friends.

Were friends.

His heart knew though that you weren’t just friends. He had felt this emotion before to some extent with his passion for gargoyles, but they paled in comparison to you.

Your brightness. Your laugh. Your little mannerisms that most wouldn’t pay attention to, but he did. 

“Do you think we’ll still be friends when we’re older,” you mused while on one of your nightly walks with Malleus. Malleus furrowed his brow and looked at you quizzically, “Why wouldn’t we be? I have no intention of not being in your life.” You had stopped moving forward and Malleus came to a stop beside you. “Well, I don’t know. You’re a prince, future king, and you might get swapped in royal business and duties…” You pursed your lips, an unpleasant taste in your mouth. “And isn’t that more important?”  “Do you not like spending time with me?” Malleus’ voice was more sharp, on edge. “NO!” You shouted, the word echoing a bit in the quiet night. “I like spending time with you. I love it!” Malleus looked at you with confusion, and if he were looking at anyone else the way he had been in the past minute, they would have been grovelling, asking for forgiveness. But not you.  “Then why did you bring it up in the first place? Should there not be time, I will simply make it,” he said quietly. A small smile and chuckle replaced the irritated look of moments prior, “I will even make it ‘royal business’ as you put it.” You cough-laughed at his statement, but you only laughed harder when you looked at him to see a baffled expression.  Malleus chuckled lightly, joining your amusement, even though he didn’t understand what was so funny that had you tearing up. You let out a long sigh, recollecting yourself. “Well, I’ll be there then, promise.”

And you had held that promise. Despite both of your hectic lives, you both met at least twice a month. If neither of you had the time? Well, Malleus would just show up outside your place, like old times, and you would both go about the property. Sometimes talking away, and other times in silence, just happy to be next to each other again.

Malleus knew he liked you, loved you even — the way he felt more like himself when he was around you, and a tinge of jealousy made that distinction clear — and he was planning on asking you if you felt the same.

But he didn’t have the chance.

He would never have the chance.

He knew that he wouldn’t have many years with you, but he had planned that it was old age that took you away from him.

Ramshackle had not changed, but Malleus could still smell the scent of soot, even after all of these years. The foyer stopped, and Malleus looked into the gloom of the burnt ruins.

“ … do you remember our promise?”

He had been coming here, once a fortnight, asking the same question and hoping for an answer. Every time all he ever received was the sound of rotting wood and the scampering of mice.

He took in a breath and was ready to leave, to go back to his duties, but he stopped.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

He couldn’t see you, but you were here. And that was all that mattered to Malleus. That although you may not physically be here anymore, he had not lost you.

Time may heal all wounds, but Malleus didn’t want this wound to heal. He didn’t want to lose you, not again.

. . .

. . .

A/N; Hope you enjoyed what I came up with for this combination! And *hands you an emotional dragon fae that misses you*

~~~~

Tags; @afunkyfreshblog @bloomstruck @eynnwwyjth @keii-starz @lucid-stories @ryker-writes @syrenkitsune @the-v-lociraptor @twistwonderlanddevotee @xxoomiii

[dailyfigures]

Unpopular opinion: I hate hate HATE loli figures. idc if people collect them because they’re ‘cute’ it’s still weird asf imo, there are so many other and much cuter figures. It disgusts me how popular and normalized they are among the anime community.

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

oh god anon allow me to specifically rant about one of my worst pet peeves. i used to see this mostly on tiktok when i still had the app, but i've seen it happen on most social media.

it really grinds my gears when people own a suggestive/nsfw figure of a minor, and then accuse anyone who dares to say something about it of sexualising children. if you want to own figures of a child/teenager in lingerie, i'm really not a fan of that but at least own up to it. don't act like everyone else is weird when you own a figure made with a certain intention and refuse to admit it.

maybe it helps to give an example; i saw someone on tiktok own a figure of ram from re:zero in lingerie, on hands and knees with an arched back. i think ram is 17 and later in the series an adult, arguebly not the worst figure ever but i can imagine people finding it a little weird. op started accusing everyone who made a comment about the figure by pulling an uno reverse and going "wow....how deeply SICK of YOU to see a child and make it sexual....i would NEVER see her like that.....". ok good for you but i can assure you that was the intention the figure was made with, the target audience is adult men and it's strange to deny this. they even claimed that it was fine because "everyone who collects ram is sapphic anyway" i can assure you that is not true 😭😭 this is very much a case of being in your little online gay bubble and thinking the whole world is the same as you. the target audience of all (female) suggestive/nsfw figures is simply straight men. i'm not saying it's the only people who can own them, but it is who the companies have in mind when producing the figures and it is the largest part of the market. it reminds me a bit of when kpop stans think only gay 17 year olds stan their favourite girl group and then you watch a perfomance where the crowd cheering isn't filtered out and it's all 40 year old men. i'm not stoked about it either, but it is simply the truth.

ofcourse i've seen people reaching, it does happen on tiktok that people get overly sensitive/woke/whatever and blindly hate anyone who collects normal nsfw figures or anyone else who didn't do anything wrong. not every tiktok comment section is filled with the brightest minds of our generation (shocker, i know). i do however think it's a common thing, even with real life children, where people try to question something inappropriate and somehow get the blame. i saw this happen when mothers thought it was strange that target sells swimsuits for babies/toddlers with hip cut outs, and then people accusing said moms of being the weird ones for "thinking a children's swim suit is sexual". guys am i losing my mind. am i going crazy. the concerned mothers are not the problem here for pointing out a weird thing. why in god's name were the swim suits designed like that. can we get an ounce of critical thinking in the chat.

AND ANOTHER THING! sorry guys this is like 5 years of built up irritation you have to let me go for a moment. anyway LOOK at this same shit i saw yesterday. i will not share the video but it was a video of very young middle school girls wearing heavy (gyaru?) makeup, fashion, wigs and nails which was honestly already a bit baffling because it was so much on such young kids. they were all wearing that fashion trend where you wear low rise pants/skirt and then pull up your thong strings to the high heavens so they're on your hips and sticking out off your pants/skirt. not a trend i usually mind but these were very young girls and the whole look, the visible underwear especially, was very inappropriate for their age so people in the comments were uncomfortable. i took one single peak at the comments and had to leave for my own sanity. you guys cannot be serious.

and let me get this very clear: i have also seen people sexualise children doing normal things many times. both extremes are a problem. i think it's fucking weird to sexualise a child giving their parents a kiss or telling a child they shouldn't wear their bathing suit around their male family members, etc. however it is ALSO fucking weird for children to do/wear things that were specifically made for adults doing adult things (like wearing visible lacy thongs when you're in middle school) and no adult stepping in for the child's own safety. both things are weird and i hope everyone dies. anyway what were you saying anon? ah right, no i don't like loli figures either. not a fan.

send me your unpopular figure opinions

[moonysmoothies]

the shadowhunters show is so wild to me for so many reasons but ones of them is that i am so baffled by how they manage to hit most of the major story beats of the books and yet mess them up SO BADLY?

here's every major fuck up i can remember in chronological order because i feel like ranting

they go to the silent city but instead of finding out about magnus's block on her memory, they find out that valentine is clary's father through a conversation that she overheard between luke and her mother

simon is kidnapped by the vampires on purpose instead of accidentally because they want the mortal cup from clary since it can control demons, which is the stupidest thing ever because raziel gave jonathan shadowhunter the cup so that he could make more shadowhunters with the objective to kill demons, not control them

oh and they're not allowed to use the cup to make more shadowhunters, so mundanes can't ascend (do none of them have the sight?) and the cup has no purpose other than to sit there and look pretty

all of them were in on rescuing simon, not just jace and clary and the wolves are not there at all, but for some reason camille is and has a weirdly sexual relationship with simon

they go see magnus to get clary's memories back and they end up having to give up their memories like they did with azazel except it's to this random demon who magnus gave clary's memories to for the plot but then clary kills the demon so she never gets her memories back

instead of getting the cup from madame dorothea, they sneak into a police station to get it while luke is being questioned for MURDER

simon is turned into a vampire except it turns into this whole uprising where everyone turns against camille and it's this whole moral dilemma for clary

they still find out clary and jace are related while at renwick's except the scene is just very different and valentine had been glamoured to look like michael wayland this whole time because there's a shapeshifting rune now!

jace goes with valentine at the end of season one

they wake up jocelyn at the end of season one and she fully believes that jace is her child and tries to kill him

also jace finds out that he "has demon blood" at the very beginning of season two while on valentine's ship from valentine himself

he is imprisoned in the silent city and the attack on the silent brothers happens while he is there, but he is also put on trial and for some reason it is more about his feelings for clary than about his actual "crimes" (which was just being basically forced onto a ship with valentine in order to save his friends from being murdered)

instead of imogen herondale distrusting jace it's a weird british dude, also maryse just straight up equates jace to a cancer that they need to kill and didn't just tell him to leave the institute in an attempt to protect him from the inquisitor like she did in the books

the weird british dude gives izzy yin fen, except its made from vampire venom and not demon poison in what is the worst storyline to ever exist and is basically just shadow world heroin (not a tmi major plot point but i literally cannot not mention how much i fucking hate this storyline)

izzy and clary visit the iron sisters to find out why valentine wanted the mortal sword where they find out that if an angelic being and a bolt of lightning touch it then it will be able to emit a heavenly light that can kill anyone with demon blood (raziel really had no faith in these guys)

they actually imprison valentine and are just using a rune to torture him (idk why they had a rune to torture people considering that all of their runes were given to them by raziel and i don't know if he wanted them torturing each other? also i looked up the rune on the shadowhunter books wiki and it was the super powerful healing rune that clary used on jace in cohf - kind of the opposite of torture)

clary and jace find out they're not related halfway through season two (not entirely objecting to this but it did mean a full climon relationship)

they still go to the seelie court, except it's just simon, jace, and clary and the seelie queen makes jace and clary kiss in order to show simon that shadowhunters always choose "their own kind" over anyone else because she's obsessed with him and his daylighterness

sebastian still attacks max because max tracked him with a single hair from the bottom of the baby jc box except max survives (not really objecting to this either because max was so sweet but like what was the reason for changing this!!)

ok, time to go into the jace + sebastian fight - instead of jace goading sebastian into a fight by making him realize that valentine will find out that sebastian just killed him in cold blood and didn't give him a fair fight and then hate him for it, not by just making him really angry - jace literally passes out several times on the way to where they fight and sebastian just keeps dragging him along. this is just a little change that irks me so much because it shows a lot about their character imo. here, they have a fight on a random bridge where we get the line "care to find out who's the best jc once and for all" which should be considered a crime against humanity. izzy does intervene but she does not get to cut off sebastian's hand and then jace stabs sebastian in the special spot on the back and kicks him into the river, sebastian somehow survives long enough to float all the way to a beach and summon lilith

jace does get possessed by lilith except he's turning into a weird looking demon who possesses mundanes to kill their loved ones and serve lilith and not whatever the fuck was going on with him in cofa that was definitely not turning into a demon and possessing other people

jem is american

instead of maureen being maureen she's another person their age named heidi who forces simon to drink his sister's blood which leads to his mom throwing him out like she does in the books, and then heidi proceeds to try to take over the entire downworld until maia kills her in the same way she kills maureen in the books

clary gets the twinning rune instead of jace and instead of it being an instant thing clary is just slowly becoming more like sebastian except she's not and she still has free will which jace didn't really have in cols - they're more like equals instead of one having power over the other like in the books

instead of raziel giving them glorious because simon was like "if you don't i'll just use my mark of cain to annoy you for all of eternity" izzy has a woman in stem moment and remakes the sword herself with particles of glorious that she extracted from a serum that the weird british dude was using to turn downworlder prisoners into mundanes again in an illegal project

instead of having the two family swords made by wayland the smith, they have one sword that has the ability to open rifts into hell and release demons and getting that sword is sebastians goal for the season instead of making the endarkened

sebastian does have a relationship with the seelie queen but then he kills her

izzy gets the heavenly fire instead of jace even though clary was the one who was stabbed with glorious because izzy gets hit by shrapnel from the sword exploding

they still go to edom but it's to save magnus from lilith because she wants to start a war with him so she can go to earth and he's there because he's holding closed the rift the sebastian opened with the family sword

clary loses her memories instead of simon because making her own runes went against the will of the angels - especially the one that tied shadowhunters to downworlders even though that was literally what won the mortal war in the books

magnus and alec still temporarily break up except it's not because alec was trying to remove magnus's immortality (although they did have issues with that earlier in the season) it's so asmodeus will give magnus his magic back after taking it in exchange for giving magnus the power to free jace from lilith's possession

anyways that's everything i can remember - there's probably more

[theemporium]

click 'here' to unlock the other boyfriends!

.

You had thought you were perfectly content with love being expressed silently until you met Nico Hischier.

For you, love and silence had always been interchangeable throughout your entire life. You weren’t sure when it clicked, when the realisation had been set in stone in your head and never to be argued with. You just knew that silence usually meant good things, that it meant positive feelings. At least, you liked to assume.

When it came to your parents, the silence meant there was no scolding or nitpicking. They were never shy at the way they pointed out your flaws, your mistakes, your errors. It was hidden under concerns and wishes for you to thrive, but the pressure just felt as suffocating and overbearing as them. The silence was a relief from the constant remarks. 

In school, it was like the teachers and professors just expected you to do well. They saw a bright child, so the second the grades started to matter, the assumption was made that you would just thrive. That pressure returned, and you hated the disappointing and disapproving talks you would get if you did badly. Once again, the silence was a relief, it meant they left you alone and that was what you wanted.

It followed as the same in almost every aspect in your life: in your friendships, in your relationships, in your careers, in your achievements. Silence had become so intertwined with love, success and praise in your life that you knew nothing but. 

Until Nico Hischier. 

Maybe it was the captain in him, or maybe it was just the kind of guy Nico was. It was almost comical to think back upon the early stages of your relationship, when everything was so new and his words left you overwhelmed—but in a good way, in a way you didn’t think was possible.

“You didn’t have to wake up with me,” Nico said as he wandered into the kitchen. 

Unlike you who was still in your pyjamas, he was dressed in some sweatpants and a hoodie—the Devils logo and his number standing out on both. His gym bag was dropped at his feet before he wandered over to where you stood by the stove. 

It was early. Dreadfully early, in fact. And despite every cell in your body screaming for you to stay in your warm, cosy bed when Nico’s alarm blared for his early morning practice, you wanted to do a little something for him for once.

“I wanted to make you a proper breakfast,” you shrugged, letting out a soft sigh as he wound his arms around your waist, his chest pressed into your back as the warmth of him washed over you. “An apple and a protein shake isn’t enough.” 

“It’s worked alright so far,” Nico grumbled, his head dropped to your shoulder as he watched you cook. “But thank you. You’re amazing, schätzi.” 

You snorted. “You mean having a proper breakfast is amazing.”

“No,” he said, his voice firm but sincere. “I mean you are amazing. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

And maybe there was still a part of you that wasn’t used to Nico’s constant praise and affection. You could do hugs and kind acts and thoughtful gifts but, fuck, the words really got to you.

It just baffled you how easily the words could pass his lips. It came so naturally to him, so fucking easily that it made you question how you went your whole life having people struggle to even give you basic appreciation but this boy seemed to be able to praise you for something as simple as making him a meal. But it went beyond that.

 Nico did it with everything. 

You look gorgeous, baby, that dress was made for you.

Fuck, schätzi, doing so good f’me. Just like that.

I’m so proud of you.

You’re doing the best you can, baby, you’re so strong.

He wasn’t shy about his appreciation for you. He showed his love in so many different ways that made him the absolute perfect boyfriend, but the words that left his lips were the most consistent and—though you didn’t have the courage to say it yet—your favourite.

“You’re a sap in the mornings,” you commented, because whilst you were used to hearing them, it would still take time to fully accept them and not deflect instantly. 

He knew that. If anything, he thought it was adorable. It prompted him to do it more often just to see how flushed you got, just to see the way you were somehow caught off-guard every single time.

“Maybe you should wake up with me more often,” Nico retorted, swaying your bodies together in the chilly kitchen. “I could use a shower buddy.”

You snorted. “You would never make it to practise on time.”

“That is a sacrifice I’m willing to make,” Nico shrugged, but you could hear the grin in his voice even if you couldn’t see it.

“You’re gonna set a bad influence, captain,” you teased, shaking your head.

Nico let out a low groan. “Don’t start calling me captain, I have to leave in fifteen.”

“Think of it as motivation to do well,” you countered as you plated up your breakfasts and lightly nudged him so he would allow you to place them on the breakfast bar. “I’ll be in bed waiting for you.”

Nico shot you a look. “You’re a temptress.”

You grinned back.

“A gorgeous, sexy temptress that I can’t wait to come back home too,” Nico continued, pleased at the way your face flushed in response. 

“Dick,” you grumbled but you happily accepted the kiss he placed on your cheek as he thanked you for the breakfast.

And, much to his delight, you were in bed waiting for him after he had come home from practice, eager to climb in with you.

.

[salty-autistic-writer]

"I've never seen anyone finishing a crossword puzzle this fast," Buck says, baffled.

"Well, it's all the trivia nights," Tommy says with a shrug, glancing at Buck. "For some reason, I am fast to memorize all those questions and answers. It’s the same with song lyrics. They just ... get stuck in my head. There are so many more useful talents. But well. It is what it is."

"I think it's awesome," Buck says honestly.

"You don't think it's weird?" Tommy asks, raising a brow.

“No, why would I? I think it’s cool that I only have to hum a song and you can tell me the title. It’s impressive. I love your brain,” Buck says, bouncing his legs.

“Oh wow, thank you,” Tommy says, chuckling. “Well, I don’t always love my brain because I would love it to be less dramatic about things like noise.” He squints up at the white neon lights and grimaces. “I can hear them buzzing. It’s making my teeth hurt.”

Buck hums in sympathy. He doesn’t hear the lights, but the waiting starts to get to him, making him feel restless and increasingly agitated. Tommy was supposed to have his appointment for getting the stitches removed from his healed head injury half an hour ago and yet they are still parked in the waiting area, with no idea how much longer it’s going to take.

“How about we find another crossword puzzle,” Buck suggests, digging through the heap of magazines on the table. “You can solve it for me while listening to music to rest your brain from the buzzing. And I’m going to find some article about an animal.”

“I love you,” Tommy tells him, reaching for his noise-cancelling headphones. “I just hope they didn’t forget about us.”

“If it takes much longer, I’m just going to take out your stitches myself.”

“Evan. No.”

(AO3 Link)

[kaonarvna]

Every now and again, I remember that my disability (EDS) isn't invisible, actually. People are just uncomfortable when they can see it. People don't want to see it. People like to ignore it. Other people just stare at it, and don't even look at me. All they see is a pile of bones and fascia and something to pity.

I've worn a shoulder brace the past week, because it subluxed horribly a week or so ago. Still healing. Visible.

I always have compression sleeves on my arms, full coverage. Bicep to wrist. Visible.

I have soft braces and compression kit for every joint imaginable. Visible.

I'm covered in KT tape. I've worn it on my goddamn face after a jaw sublux, for that little extra support and proprioception help. Tape. On the face. Very visible.

The people I've worked with for years are used to it by now, the good ones, at least. They don't remark when I take a minute to stretch. They know I'll say something if I'm not okay. They know I'm in a constant state of variable dysfunction. They've seen enough, they're used to it.

But then there's people who aren't used to it. People who see me stretch on the ground, watch in discomfort, then they ask someone else if I'm okay. I can hear them quietly mutter it to other staff. I hear them go, "oh, he does that". I can see their discomfort with me (just existing as I need to exist). I can see the discomfort in these new people who aren't accustomed to bodies with slightly different needs, and it's a visceral reminder of being "other". I wonder, how terrible and scary and different I must be, for them to not even have the fortitude to ask me themselves.

And then there are the new people who see it and ask too many questions. The ones who go "but you're so young!" as though my connective tissue has a concept of social expectations for people under (arbitrary age). They go "but you look great!" as though I'm not covered in bruises and held together by tape (nevermind the implication that the disabled must look "bad"). They go "but you never call in!" as though I'm not often two seconds away from doing so, before the fear of losing my job sets in.

...and these are the ones who seem to wish not to see it the most. The ones who ask questions like I should be on display, and as soon as the conversation ends, so does my disability. They'll ask the same questions the next time, and the next time, and the next. It always ends with statements of pity, or something pity-adjacent. If I'm "lucky", they might even make an inappropriate comment about how I shouldn't be working, or sex must be "interesting", or act like I'm some eldritch horror that shouldn't exist.

And I'm reminded of the training I was once made to sit though. A ninety minute training, where you sit and watch the PowerPoint for ninety minutes in a too-small plastic chair, while someone reads the PowerPoint. The presenter started with a cute little "haha I know it's long, feel free to get up and walk around, or stretch".

I did.

I got up, walked myself to the side well out of the way of the tight chair lines, and laid down to stretch (a good spinal twist, loosen things up).

And she stopped the presentation.

She asked if there were any first-aiders present.

She was going to keep going on and on, until I heard someone say, "oh, he's fine, he does that." and a few "that's just (name), he does that". She started apologising profusely, waffling about how she thought there must have been a medical emergency, how people don't usually get up. She seemed baffled by the mere concept that someone would actually need to get up, and couldn't sit for ages. Her statement was entirely performative and insincere.

Today, after the day was effectively done, I laid down on the clean, carpeted floor in my classroom to just...be horizontal for a moment. Find some way, any way, to get my lower back to move and function and not feel like it was being clawed apart from the inside. Relieve myself a little, so I could finish the day without abject misery. And this very-new member of staff sat on the other side of the room, presumably watching me. When I got up, she asked very quietly, "Is something wrong with you?" and all I had the energy to say was "I'm fine". I'm tired of explaining my body. I'm tired of explaining my needs. I'm tired of justifying taking care of myself.

Someone recently told me "You're very brave. I think I'd rather die than live like you."

I didn't respond. I didn't have the energy to break down that she'd effectively told me I should die. I didn't have the energy to tell her that it's not bravery to live "like this".

It's my only option.

I know nothing else.

And I'm just tired. And hurting.

I'm grateful for the few good ones, the ones that are used to it. The people who have stopped asking me if I'm okay when I stretch, or need a little break, or get out the tape and scissors.

They know I'm not okay. That's why I'm on the ground. That's why I'm checking my range of motion, or feeling a joint, or holding pressure on a digit that's come undone. I'm not okay, and I'm trying not to get even worse.

I'm not okay, actually. I'm never okay, and that's fine. I'll never be your version of "okay", and that's fine. I've no choice. Thank you for knowing that I'm not okay, but that that's normal, and that if something was seriously, horribly wrong, I'd do something. Thank you, for just going about your business and talking to me as normal when I'm taking care of myself, instead of sprinkling eggshells on the ground for your own personal crunching.

I'm just tired. I'm visibly disabled if you look for ten goddamn seconds. I'm a person if you look for twenty. I'm a fetish if you just keep staring and staring and asking about my body like you're entitled to my flesh. I just want to sleep for more than two hours without my body waking itself up to remind me it hurts. I'm so tired.

[marycom15]

Accidental vampire hunter Evbo x Vampire Seawatt & EMF AU

Once again here posting stuff from our discord lmao.. Thank you Crow for doing Yaoi of the day, it inspires me 🙏🙏🙏This one's a bit long

Evbo who doesn't really know what a vampire is - sure, he knows they're another kind of mythical being that's a threat to many, but he grew up in a rather close knit and small community, a place where a vampire would be immediately discovered. Threats such as these are typical for dark alleys of big cities, not his little corner of the world. So when a vampire does show up and try to terrorise his home, he does what he needs to and kills it - he's not quite sure how, but swinging some sharp wood around seemed to work. He's not actually aware it was a vampire, just seemed like a bit of a stronger thug who didn't know any of the local rules, but he's left with a cold body now (wow, it sure got cold fast. Maybe thats just how it always is, Evbo wouldn't know)

It's a bit awkward since he's not sure what to do about it, until a pair of fancy people he's never seen around appear and inform him that the man he's killed was actually a wanted vampire. There's a cash prize apparently, and as much as Evbo loves his home, he would never pass up an opportunity for a social rank up. The two lovely gentlemen offer to escort him to the nearest city, since they know the way and he's never really left the area before. His new companions insist that they need to get there as fast as possible so they shouldn't be waiting for sunrise. Evbo makes his goodbyes quick and offers to come back at some point, way richer, and they set out.

Now no one will look for him.

They do walk towards the city for a while, the vampire's head dangling from his backpack (taken as proof), and he learns his new companion's names - Seawatt and Emf. It's not untill they're rather deep within the forst and far from any civilization that they both smile at him and bare their teeth… So he of course bares his own back. He's a little confused, but they seem to be confused even more so he takes that as a win and continues walking.

The only thing he knows about vampires is the name. Nothing. Else. He doesn't see any of the obvious signs. Seawatt and Emf intended to just lol on him and kill him in the middle of the forest (couples activities !) but now they're just. Kind of baffled and entertained. So they decide to keep him around, but they still do need to feed…

So Seawatt gets the crazy idea to just ask him straight up. Worst case scenario they kill him. He just further confuses them by immediately being like "yeah sure you can drink my blood, i dont really have a knife or anything though!". He's just happy to be there really, and even when they mumble out that they can just bite him literally no red lights go off in his head. And so they do. They stop and they feed on his blood and drain just a bit to see his reaction and he's like wow that's new. Ok how far is the city.

Seawatt and Emf are obsessed.

Im not writing the rest of this out so detailed but. So begins the saga of accidental vampire hunter Evbo and his two vampire boyfriends. They get to the city and Evbo never questions why they refuse to go with him during the day ("i mean their skin is pretty pale, might be a health thing"), so he turns in the vampire's head and everyone freaks the fuck out because that's like some powerful fucking vampire and this random dude just came in casually with his head. So they immediately assume he's a seasoned hunter and they give him all the difficult targets and he's like wow ! i can make so much money ! Of course, they dont need to explain any vampire lore to a hunter like him - so he just keeps not knowing Anything.

Meanwhile Seawatt and Emf are just happy Evbo finished the job they started. They've been hunting that fuckass bitch for weeks and managed to weaken him substantially but explaining a murder of one of their kin is always hard so they're real glad a random human showed up and dealt the finishing blow. They are also very entertained (and possibly in love) by his anticts so they stick around. Evbo never questions them.

This is just the basis of this AU, other discord peeps expanded upon it but this is the basic idea - enjoy :)

[saturns7moon]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS P2 ٩(˘◡˘)۶

hihi everybodyyyyy, astro observations p2, let’s gooo 😋.

personally!!! i’ve seen that a lot of venusian influence within a family can show instances of having health issues linked back to sweet foods. like for example, my taurus mother is a pre-diabetic, and she’s told me that it generally runs throughout our family. i don’t have diabetes but i’ve noticed how me and my siblings have a really bad sweet tooth. eating too many sweets makes my (7H taurus moon and mars, sidereal libra sun and rising) tooth ache, the youngest (taurus rising, sidereal pisces stellium) has been scolded a lot for eating way too much sugar as well. same as i, lol.

now question for my fellow taurus placements. how do u feel about cooking? are you good at it?

i’m crying, right after i wrote this, i was scrolling on tiktok and there’s this video of this woman, meg deangelis, who says that one thing that she can never understand is when people say they can’t cook, and she’s basically saying how it baffles her. i had an inkling, so i searched up her chart and she’s a taurus sun and aries venus 😭. taurus people are commonly stereotyped to liking food a lot, which makes sense since taurus is the more down-to-earth side of venus, and venus is about comforts, and taureans find comfort in food! aries is ruled by mars, aka planet of war and what-not, and i’ve found that aries placements mixed alongside taurus placements love to cook in the kitchen because the kitchen is known to hold sharp cutlery in there, which commonly used whilst cooking.

i was listening to criminal by britney spears earlier today, and i swear that song is so so 7H mars coded. like falling for someone that isn’t the best of the best or people being against who you love like. i still can’t word it properly, but if you’re a libra rising/taurus rising/7H mars (scorpio/aries/venusian mars can count as well depending on aspects!!) please listen to the song (specifically whilst watching the music video🧍🏾‍♀️) or read the lyrics and tell me you understand what i’m talking bout 😭. like i know y’all would get it 😭‼️

^ also “why try” by ariana grande feels the exact same to me toooo omg.

having an afflicted 3H, 7H and 11H is literally my villain origin story. like it’s either i have no friends, i get bullied/outcasted or i go through the WORST friendship breakups ever like oooooh whoever has it out for me did a good job bro 🤧🤥.

(i have a 3H capricorn chiron, 7H moon and mars, virgo rules my 11H, and my mercury (sagittarius) is afflicted, i was never gonna win bro 😭)

a mutual of mine on twitter said something that i completely agree with, and it’s basically saying how having any ill feelings towards someone like, for example what she talking about, beauty can really damage ur venus personally. like, people who are severely racist for example, do y’all see how they age or look so ugly because they were berating how other people look specifically. or people who hate on women are just naturally nasty to be around. they don’t have to be physically ugly (they usually are tho) but you can tell by how they treat women what rewards and punishments they receive in life.

does that make sense? let me know guys 😭.

i absolutely love when i have my venus return/when venus is in capricorn because i feel so so pretty which makes so much sense considering in sidereal astrology i’m a libra rising ruled by my sagittarius venus, like i love all things venus, and when venus is in capricorn/sidereal sagittarius, i feel so good. which makes a lot of sense on why i don’t really care for or feel irritated when mars returns to taurus (or sidereal aries) because aside from the fact that i never really related to being martian ruled, my natal mars is literally retrograde, so yeah mars returns are not my favourites at ALL 😭.

(actually i take it back it’s not that i feel irritated? i just don’t think anything significant happens to me during my mars returns. i probably need to go check personally in my own time, but yeah. i just backtracked since in both my tropical and sidereal chart, i’m martian and venusian either way 😭.)

what’s ur favourite planetary return?

“bedtime story” by frank ocean (unreleased!!) is the most scorpio venus ass song i’ve ever heard in my life…i love it so so much sigh. the poetic, angsty, yearning that a scorpio conjures up because who could honestly be better at being so deeply consumed by emotions than scorpio? (many many other signs but it’s not about them rn!!)

yknow a while back i did a part one for sos the album by sza as the signs, and i haven’t made a part two but would y’all like another part!? or would you like me to do this with other albums? let me know pls 🧍🏾‍♀️.

this is probably common knowledge amongst other astrologers, but i definitely believe that virgos, specifically the risings, are so mean to their selves is because their 12H is ruled by the sun, and whilst the 12H is the shadow side of ourselves that we choose to hide from, as much as they would like to hide, virgos have their shadow side constantly in their face as the sun shines so hard on everything they aren’t ready to touch or aren’t ready to see. whether it’s their selves personally or others around them, there’s an underlying sense of dread that they live with because they know that no matter where they run, their mind will always remind them of what they choose to hide underneath, which results in the fear that people/society (scorpio 3H) will see the absolute worst of who they truly believe they are, and judge them ruthlessly for it (aquarius 6H).

one thing i’ve noticed is whilst saturn in pisces has been transiting my 5H, is the romantic side of my life has been lacking so much 😭. like coming april would make a year since i last had a crush on someone, which is funny to me since i used to crush on ppl so often. however, it makes sense since saturns main themes are about structure, discipline and what you want to create in the long-term, and i’ve noticed that i don’t just want to even have small crushes or what not on others because not everyone meets my standards (structure) and i want my first relationship with someone to mean something and to become something (long-term plans involving relationships) and nobody around me has given me that, so the lack in my love life is mainly just because i’m sticking to my standards and they haven’t been met yet 🤷🏾‍♀️. saturns job is to make you understand what you truly want and what you don’t want or what isn’t benefiting you, and since saturn had gone direct back in november, i’ve definitely been noticing this, especially since we’re in a saturnian season rn (aquarius) and valentine’s day just passed lmao. so just to give an example or help you understand how saturn has been impacting you, let’s say saturn is trainsiting your 9H and you’re in education, maybe you’re realising the course that you’re on isn’t for you, or your long-term plans just don’t mesh well with what your studying for yknow or you could realise how you’ve started building more around your education in regards to what you want in place for you in the future.i’m also using that example since saturn is currently trining my 9H and i’ve realised university is definitely not what i want to go through with after i graduate college tbh.

thinking about how majority of my planets are in my 1H-7H axis (1H sun and jupiter, 7H moon and mars) and how i genuinely can have the choice to create multiple identities 😭. to explain, when i was born, my mum gave me three names. mae, lola and the last one i don’t wanna disclose lmao, but i saw a tweet a while back talking about how your name(s) can definitely link back to your birth chart, and remembering this again makes me love astrology a whole lot more tbh.

(actually i lied i have 4 different names, but that name is very very close/similar to my younger sisters name as well and i can never tell the bloody difference 😭, but y’all get my yapping.)

feeling tired or like u can’t be bothered to do shit???? the moon is most likely void of course or your mars/moon is negatively aspecting (square, opposite, conjunct) transit mars/moon. when the moon is void of course, it’s basically just a period of time (usually less than a day i believe) when the moon is literally like not aspecting anything in the sky, so she’s wandering around until she transitions into another sign. usually astrologers say that during this time, it’s difficult for ppl to make plans or have any motivation to do anything as ppl are less likely to make solid decisions about anything in general, to summarise, it makes ppl lazy 🤥!!

having 1H synastry with anyone depending on the planet is so interesting to watch from an outside perspective, because you can either see two people adore one another’s energy or be completely revolted by one another. like for example my best friend has my younger sisters aquarius stellium in her 1H and it’s hilarious to me how much those two dislike each other, and then not too long ago my best friend told me how my sister reminded her a lot of herself at my siblings current age and it just clicked for me lmao.

i’ve noticed that people with a mix of aries, gemini with a small dash of water in their chart have such a hard time processing their emotions or are just very abrasive when it comes to their emotions, putting practicality over emotions most of the time, leaving people to perceive them as quite emotionally stunted or selfish to be honest. i’ve noticed that it’s commonly believed that these types of people don’t really care for others as much as people care for them, leaving a lot of miscommunication within these relationships, especially if the other person is water heavy compared to them.

hi yes this is long overdue, i’m very very sorry, i just lost motivation to continue with my stuff and life unfortunately has been a mess to keep up with! i’m not gonna promise anything new cus knowing me i’ll probably dip for awhile again, but hopefully you all liked these observations and pls leave ur thoughts and opinions in the replies, i always enjoy hearing what you guys have to say :)

okay bye bye, lots of love, lola <3.

[seaofwine]

What do you like about the Odyssey? Besides some entertaining episodes (e.g. Circe or Calypso), I've never really been able to get into the Odyssey as a whole (I find the first 5 books especially dull). The Iliad really speaks to me more.

It's hard to really pinpoint what I like most about it but I love to talk about the Odyssey so I hope you like long posts hahaha

The first five books act as the exposition. When the Iliad ends, there's a general understanding that most of the surviving characters made it home. Menelaus and Helen have reunited, the catalyst for the Trojan War has been resolved. Agamemnon traversed the sea and made it back, and although he was killed by his wife Clytemnestra, there is no question about where he is; unlike Odysseus.

Telemachus has spent his entire youth without a father. When he finally decides to set out from Ithaca to find any leads on where Odysseus is, he is confronted with the fact that most everyone else has been accounted for. He sees Menelaus and Helen, the order of their kingdom, the comfort they have in each other and the bonds they have restored. Telemachus has known nothing but uncertainty, while his mother is forced to weave lies and deceptions to keep the suitors that plague their home at bay. The first five books really show how important one man can be when he is utterly lost, and what it would mean for everyone who loves him should he be found. These books also show the close interest that Athena, as patron of Odysseus, takes in his family. She steps into the chaos of Ithaca and gives Telemachus the inspiration to embark on his own journey, chasing the ghost of his still-living father.

When we finally reach Odysseus, he is not the same man that those who knew him in Troy described. They are the closest Telemachus can come to knowing what came of his father, but even they are separated by nearly a decade and the breadth of the sea. Penelope hasn't laid eyes on her husband in twenty years, there is no overestimating what that can do to a person's memory. Odysseus's first action is to cry. When finally Calypso is forced to allow Odysseus to leave, by order of Hermes, he makes his own raft and leaves at the first possible moment. He is fighting against the will of Poseidon, against the wrath he incurred, all alone. He has lost every single one of his men, every single person who could ever vouch for his identity, in a world where no one could recognize him, is gone. Despite this, he is still fighting to get back to Ithaca.

Odysseus is so utterly human in the text. When he is hosted by Alcinous, Odysseus asks the singer there to recount the story of the Trojan Horse. It's like landing at the doorstep of a stranger who graciously allows you to stay and immediately asking his DJ to play *your own* greatest hits - which in turn only upsets him. This also sets up the dramatic reveal of his identity (I like to imagine him looking around like, you guys remember this one? Yeah that's Me, I pinkie promise. Please give me 4000 drachmae and your best oarsmen (: ).

He recounts the story of how he got so utterly lost on the way back and one thing the Odyssey will tell you, to your face over and over again, is that Odysseus is a big time liar. But for some reason, his tale is so compelling it's hard to remind yourself of that when hearing it for the first time. Some points are so beyond baffling (like striking Polyphemus in the singular eye the poor sod has, and then once to the safety of his boat (which is on open water, the domain of said cyclops's father) loudly announcing his full gods-given name and mailing address, just in case anyone missed who it was) that it's like, yeah that was probably exactly what he did. This is the section of the story where we see Odysseus as he sees himself. This is his own reflection of the actions he made and the troubles that befell him because of it.

Odysseus is such a complex character that one of the epithets he is given is "polytropos", the many-faced or many-sided. Odysseus and his relationship to his own identity, which he can shed and don at any point that's convenient for him, is one of the main reasons I am obsessed with his story. This, and the exploration in an ancient text about what a close relationship with a deity, is something I am constantly thinking about.

[evvyyypeters-fics]

“You fucked me so good that I almost said, “I love you”

Sugar Daddy!James Patrick March x Coquette!f!reader

Warnings! Smut, p n v, f!ngering, eensy bit of n!pple play/ breast worship, praise, porn w plot, angst bc I can’t help myself

This might be my longest fic yet

Reupload of the request by @jazz-berry

“James!” I squealed, holding the necklace up to my neck, letting the charm rest over my exposed collarbones. The pink diamond in the charm, a Vivienne Westwood staple, matched the off shoulder sweater I was wearing.

My eyes flicked away from the necklace and to the proud, beaming smile on James’s face.

“I’m guessing I did well,” He purrs, biting at the of his cigarette holder between his beaming perfect white smile, flashy against his pale skin and dark slicked hair and light mustache.

“Oh, it’s wonderful. Just perfect.” I sighed in a lovely tone.The sound made him visibly perk up, like he was puffing his chest proudly.

“How did you even get something like this in the hotel?” I asked, baffled. I knew James was a ghost, I knew it from the moment I met him. It wasn’t clairvoyance, there was just something about him that was just strange and different even in the strange and weird Cortez Hotel that made me the least bit surprised when he revealed to me that he was in fact, dead and had been for many decades.

We were drawn to each other, like a moth to flame. Where I was the glowing sun in his dark world, and he was the moth that was drawn to the burn, having never seen the sun for so long that he craved the light and sought it out. And now that he had it, he wouldn’t let it go. Not if he had any say in the matter. Even though my relationship with James was…different, to say the least, it could only seem stranger to anyone looking in as James and I were more professional than the average couple.

A few months earlier…

“If you’re interested in what I have to offer, then all you have to do…” He says in his thick, romantic voice, holding out a small feathered pen to me and tapping his finger on a thin line at the bottom of a document. “..is sign here.” He purrs, sneering cheekily at me.

I blinked a few times at him and then glanced down at his finger on the paper, still in a bit of shock and wonder. I had any natural reaction to what was going on, a ghost had just offered to practically be my sugar daddy. Well, he called it a “mutually beneficial relationship” without the commitment of a relationship. Which would have made us friends with benefits, if it weren’t for the fact that he had a slew of rules and a contract for me to follow, along with the underlying fact that he’d be paying me. Not in a cheap hooker sort of way, but in the very obvious sugar baby sort of way. I guessed calling it a sugar daddy/ baby relationship was too vulgar for him.

“What’s the catch?” I ask, glancing back up from the paper to him, my brow furrowing a bit as I tried to determine his game.

“What do you mean ‘what’s the catch’?” He smiles, practically gritting his teeth as if he’s trying to hide the fact that he was offended by the question.

“I mean, do I have to have sex with you or something?” I ask, my voice pitching inquisitively, almost accusatory.

“I don’t think of you as a hooker, darling.” He purrs, biting the end of his cigarette holder in that charming way he does, and I feel my stomach stir a bit. It was the most bare minimum thing to have ever been said to me, and yet, in the context of my situation and the way his voice trilled, it left me on the brink of floundering.

“Then what do you want from me?” I ask, my accusatory tone silencing as I soften my energy, feeling myself physically relax in my chair a little. I was curious what a man like him would want from a young 24 year old girl like me other than sex, I had my fair share of run-ins with older men, and had never heard of one who didn’t want me just for my body.

“What I want from you, darling, is to keep me company. It’s not just being dead that makes me feel cold.” His tone was unreadable as he paced behind my chair a little as he spoke, taking a quick puff of the cigarette attached to the holder and slowly blowing out the smoke.

He stops pacing and ends up back in the chair turned towards me, he takes another quick drag from the attachment and blows out of the smoke as I bat my eyelashes in awe at him, still feeling slightly overwhelmed by what was happening.

“All I ask of you is your time. Your smile, your face, your presence.” He says it like a poem, a sonnet he created, and only for me. It made my heart swell and I could feel the slight rush as it beats a bit faster for a moment, and I wonder if being dead makes it so that you can hear the heartbeats of others better when you don’t have one yourself. I hoped not, as mine had begun to pick up speed with his words, praying that the rush hadn’t made its way to the apples of my cheeks.

I nodded, not saying anything else in hopes of preventing myself even more shy embarrassment, holding out my palm for him to hand me the feather pen. I quickly squiggle my signature on the contract, and soon as I put the pen back down, he whisks it away faster than I can blink and rolls it into his possession. A giant smile now beams his face as he holds out his hand for me to take, and I hesitantly rest my fingers on his palm as he lifts me up from the chair.

“Wonderful.” He purrs, a pearly smirk on his face as I lift my head to meet his eyes.

Present day…

“I have my ways darling. You’re not the only living person I know.” He says, taking my hands in his as we begin to sway without music, he dances me slowly around the room as we talk. Something he likes to do quite often, so I’ve gotten used to finding a rhythm without music anymore. It was like we were dancing to the beat of my heart, and not the rhythmic tune of a song.

“Besides, I’m not aware if you’ve heard of this thing called the age of the internet..” He whispers in my ear, teasing me with his sarcastic wit. For a man who still dressed like it was the 1920’s, he had quite the wit and information of the modern times outside of him. I assumed that Liz must have been feeding him this information, they spend lots of time at the bar together now.

“Aah, I see.” I nod, unsure how to respond, being tongue-tied by his words.

“You look absolutely ravishing by the way, darling. How ever did a girl like you wind up here of all places?” He purrs as he continues to slowly sway with me, his hand clasped tightly with mine as he leans down and kisses my collarbone and shoulder.

“I find I’ve been asking myself the same question.” I smiled lightly, giggling a little at the feeling of his lips. But truly, I was now numb to the idea of living in the hotel with James and the other ghosts and guests. I had no family outside the hotel, so there was nothing holding me, but I still sometimes wondered what my life would have been like if I hadn’t decided to stay. Probably no better than it is now, out there I wouldn’t have James and the others to take care of me. Specifically, I wouldn’t have James. And after being with him for so long now, I’ve realized that I couldn’t imagine living without him any more.

He pulls back and looks into my eyes with a slightly worried and confused furrow, as if sensing the tension backed in my words.

“Are you unhappy here?” He asks, and for once there was no offense in his voice. It was if he truly feared that I was unhappy with my current situation, and that he was holding me back.

“No, it’s not that. I just…sometimes I just wonder what might have happened if I didn’t decide to stay here. To stay with you.” I stuttered a bit, stumbling over my words as I tried to quickly mend what I had begun to crack before it broke. My eyes darted nervously as I was put on the spot.

He continued to have this saddened furrow on his face that tugged at my heart strings. James promised that we wouldn’t let our feelings get involved in the relationship, as I had asked him I didn’t want there to be any obligation of attachment. And yet here we were, both hanging onto each other like we couldn’t let the other go. We wouldn’t. It seemed my plan to keep myself from falling in love with a ghost had failed, and I lost all hope of escape. In myself, and in this situation. Whatever it was.

“There is nothing out there for you, darling. There wasn’t then and there isn’t now.” He begins, his voice soft and warm, like a soft and comforting blanket. “You’re right where you belong.”

“But if that means you don’t want it to be with me, then so be it. You have every right to remove yourself from this agreement, it’s in the contract you signed.” I looked up at James, feeling the heartbreak squeezing at me. I just wanted to shake him and tell him I love him, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But I kept my composure and shook my head.

“James…” I sigh, unsure of what to say. He always found a way to get my thoughts caught up.

“Don’t think that means I won’t put up a fight though…” He mutters against my skin as he begins to place soft kisses against my neck, having stopped our slow dancing and snaked his hands around the small of my back.

“I’ll keep you here as long as I can, no matter the cost…” He begins to get more possessive with his words and actions, nipping at my earlobe and trailing kisses up and down along my collarbone, neck and face. His lips danced over mine and ended up on my cheek, letting them ghost over and leaving a small shiver to run up my spine as I felt the silent brush of him over the plush skin.

I felt a whimper choke silently, getting caught in my throat as his fingers dip under the hem of my baby pink sweater. He continues to place deep and soft kisses along my warm skin, slowly pulling me closer and closer against him as if he was trying to melt our bodies together so I was unable to ever leave his side.

“James..” I whimper softly, the words being pushed from my mouth in a pathetic melody. He finally pulls his lips from my neck and looks into my eyes with those deep, sparkling pits. So empty, yet somehow so full of love and longing. We stare at each other for a moment, still flush against one another as our breathing begins to sync. The air feels tense and palpable as we wait for the other to make the next move. We both knew what was coming, it was just a game of waiting how long it would take for the other to cave.

Little to my surprise, Jame’s hand brushes the side of my face and latches around my ear, combing into my silk hair before he quickly rushes forward and snatches my lips into his, pressing a long and deep kiss into me. My eyes flutter shut and I lean back into him, my hands snaking up his suit-clad arms and around his neck. He hums at the feeling as I pull him in closer with my hands, clutching myself onto him as he swipes his tongue on my bottom lip. Pleading for entrance, and I’m so desperate myself that I let him in, and he instantly wraps his tongue with mine. And so the battle begins, and we both fight for dominance over the other as we slowly walk back to the silk sheeted bed that had been looming behind us, the backs of my knees pressing into the mattress before tripping me over backwards. I land and bounce a bit on my back, gasping into the kiss a bit as his body cages me down onto it, continuing to bite at my lip before licking the roof of my mouth and locking his tongue back with mine.

I raise my legs from the ground and wrap myself around his waist to fold into a more comfortable position, using them to pull him closer into me and finally feeling the tent in his suit as it grinds against my lace panties from underneath the white skirt I was wearing. That was now splayed higher up my waist, pooling at my sides against the mattress. He groans as I push him in, forcing his hips to roll at the growing stain pooling into the pink rose colored fabric. He pulls away from the kiss for a moment to drag me higher onto the bed, climbing up onto it with me before he begins to tug at the edge of the sweater I was wearing, lifting it up to throw it over my head.

I help him pull it off, grabbing the end of the sweater and swiping it effortlessly off my body and onto the floor behind me. He gives me a pleased grin before diving back into the kiss, my torso raised from the bed a bit and I placed my hands at the side of his face, tangling through his slick hair and messing up the classy style. I smile against his lips for a moment and he eagerly tries to push himself back in between my teeth, my smile settling as I let him deepen the kiss. The room begins to be filled with pants, soft moans and the sound of our mouths latching as time goes on. The sweet smell of pre-sex filling the air and mixing with the musty and dingy smell of the hotel that I had luckily grown used to by now.

His lips begin to falter, traveling back down my collarbone as he kisses the middle of my cleavage, his eyes flashing up to meet mine as his fingers hook under the straps of my bra and let them fall, his hands then sneaking behind my back and flicking open the clasp. He moves further away for a moment to take the straps of the bra again and slide them down my arms as I raise them up, throwing it to the side before latching his mouth onto one of the perking rosebud nipples now exposed. Cupping the other breast in his large hand and gently twisting the standing pink bud, my hands comb their way back into his hair, holding his head between them as small moans fell from my lips.

The heat growing in my abdomen and the burn of my core became unbearable at this point. My panties practically leaking onto the bed from my drooling cunt, hungry and greedy for more. A feeling I had never had with anyone else before.

“James…” A new pathetic whine, it was starting to seem like the only word I could say anymore was his name. A mantra. Which I knew would probably make James happy if that were true. He lifts his head a bit, his gaze meeting mine as he curiously listens to what I was trying to say. “Touch me…please.” I beg shyly, my face burned and I was sure it had reached a new shade of pink.

The cheeky bastard detached his lips from my nipple and flashed a devilish grin as he lifts up to meet my face again and presses a tender kiss to my cheek.

“Is my sweet girl feeling impatient?” He purrs in my ear and I struggle to swallow for a moment, the words ringing in my ear. Sweet girl. I shivered. “I suppose I could give you another treat, just because you’ve been such a good girl this week,” He purrs again in my ear, knowing it made me tremble even more. There were those sweet words again: good girl.

Slipping his fingers under the waistband of my panties, he collects the arousal pooling from my cunt, gasping slightly in my ear as he keeps his face close to mine, tenderly pressing occasional kisses against my lips. “Fuck…” He growls under his breath in a deep low tone that surprises me, sending shivers down my back as he pulls his fingers away and shows me the glistening remnants of my arousal webbing on his fingers.

“You are truly divine,” He grins as he gains my reaction to my fluids clinging to his fingers. Something on my pleading face must have struck a chord in him, because he quickly went back to slipping off my panties, collecting more slick on his fingers before dipping in his middle and index. He expertly dragged the pads of his fingers along the top of my gummy walls, picking up a perfect rhythm that sent shivers up my spine in a constant spur. My thighs shook gently as he continued fingering me, being pulled closer and closer over the edge. The pitch of my moans heightened when he pressed the pad of his thumb onto my swollen clit, rubbing in slow and gentle circles that slowly began to speed up. The pressure of his thumb on the bundle of nerves becoming stronger as he continues coaxing an orgasm out of me.

“Oh god..” I shudder breathlessly as I feel the telltale squeeze inside of me, the ecstasy blossoming over and through my body. I can hear a soft deep chuckle in my ear as he feels the clench of my muscles squeeze his thick fingers.

“Go ahead, darling. Let it go..” He purrs in my ear, I can practically feel the grin on his face as I squeal, release washes over me and paints the sheets beneath me. My thighs shake harshly for a moment and he continues pressing into my clit until I whine with overstimulation.

“I am going to absolutely ravage you, darling” He growls lowly. “So that the only thing you can think of is me, how much pleasure only I can give you.”

“Would you like that?” He asks in a pleasant tone.

I quickly nod my head, my mind dizzy from my previous orgasm.

“Use your words dear, I don’t know what you’re saying.” He sneers, clearly taunting me.

“Yes.” My words come out soft, feather-like off my tongue.

“Good…” His words trail pleasantly, a sweet praise. He rises away from me and swiftly unclasps his belt and slides it out from the belt loop of his suit pants in one swoop, like a small crack of a whip. I jump a little and his gaze peers up at me momentarily and he flashes an amused grin at my momentary shock and fear.

He unbuttons his pants and lets them drop, swiftly stepping out and kicking them to the side, adding his suit jacket and unbuttoned shirt to the pile next. His gaze focused on removing the fabric as I lie with labored breathing against the bed, my eyes flicking up and down his figure as I watch him reveal more and more. I watched in awe as he smoothly removed each piece of clothing without struggle, and a fervent desperation to remove them.

“Enjoying the show?” He purrs, his gaze wandering up to me again and noticing the hard stare I bore into his body.

Embarrassed, my eyes dance away from their staring and I feel a hot flush burn through my cheeks harder than before. “No need to be embarrassed, darling.” He adds, finally free of all his clothes, his cock springing free from his boxers and leaking with a drool of precum.

He walks forward, crawling up over me again and grabbing at my thighs with both of his hands. He notices my skirt still bunched at my waist and swiftly slides it off, forcing a small gasp to erupt from my lips. My skin now bare and exposed to the slight chill in the room, I feel the body heat emanating from James. For a ghost he had quite the warm body, his skin smooth and soft, the smell of his cologne strong and invading my senses causing my head to stir. I could feel my body begging and calling for him, even if I didn’t say it myself. And I knew he could hear it screaming from the look on his face and the way he tenderly placed kisses along my shoulders and collarbone. His touch quickly became gentle and careful, slowly lifting my legs over each of his shoulders while placing kisses up to my ankles. I shivered at the soft touch, his hands sliding up and down my legs before settling at the plush of my thighs and squeezing them.

He removes one hand from my thigh and begins to tease my slick folds with the tip of his flushed cock, flicking over my clit a few times before slowly sinking into my hungry entrance. He slowly bottoms himself out, groaning softly at the feeling of my walls entrapping him, my cunt fluttering with neediness and excitement. He takes a few moments for me to adjust to the sheer girth, his length hitting just right nestled against my cervix.

I began to believe him when he said he was going to ravish me, because as soon as he found a comfortable grip on my legs and a steady rhythm, he didn’t hold back from pounding into me like a madman. Erotic squelches of my cunt began to fill the room as the fresh smell of sex began to linger in the air, the sounds of moans, rough pants and groans added to the mixture. I could barely feel my legs from the way his thighs rammed into me, but I could fully feel the hard strokes of pleasure ringing through my entire body as his pelvis occasionally hit just right against my budding clit while kissing deep against my cervix with each thrust. Groans and faltered breaths falling heavy from his lips.

I bit my lip, trying not to make too much noise with the thin walls of the hotel, practically bursting with sweet moans with each ounce of pleasure that began to well up in my throat.

James removes one of his hands from my legs and leans forward a little, folding me over and trapping me down as he continues to pound me, sliding his thumb over my bottom lip and asking for entrance where I graciously let him press his thumb against my tongue. He holds my mouth open, grinning at my obedience and the erotic look on my face.

“Now, darling. There’s no need to be quiet. Let me hear your pretty little sounds.” He purrs, and he chuckles a little as my cunt squeezes tighter against him, my face furrowing with the intense feeling. I try to release the hold I had on my moans, my mouth still forced open as he fondles the inside of my mouth, sliding under my tongue and over the roof of my mouth, occasionally I suck on it and he flashes an amused smile at me. My toes curl from over his shoulders, still trapped in his grip as he drills me into the mattress. My moans begin to erupt louder as I feel the warmth and pressure of an orgasm building inside of me.

“Fh- I’m g’na!” My words struggle as I moan, coming out as pathetic whines interrupted by the sweet sound of pleasure and laboring pants.

I see a new smile paint his face and pulls his thumb away and wraps his arm around my leg and presses the wet thumb against my clit, my back instantly arches and I let out a small scream, my head pressing into the mattress as he changes his speed to long and languid thrusts that slide almost all the way out before slamming back against my cervix causing me to visibly shiver. Each thrust pulled a moan from my throat. He watches my cunt and the way it tries to suck him back in each time he slides away.

His gaze lifts to me again and watches my breasts from my chest arching up from the curve of my spine. My thighs begin to shake as a hot burst erupts and I practically see stars as I orgasm on his cock. I let out a long scream, moaning loudly, which presents a satisfied grin on James’s face. He follows suit after, continuing to fuck into me after my orgasm until he quickly pulls out and pumps himself against my stomach, painting it and my breasts with his cum. I shudder, my eyes rolling back a bit for a moment as my eyelashes flutter, my brain and body feeling practically numb as I felt lightweight and fucked stupid.

James shudders for a second, his breath stuttering as he orgasms, his gaze quickly lifting from my cum painted body to my face where he places a tender hand to my cheek and lowers my legs from his shoulders.

“My darling, you are marvelous.” He sighs heavily as I slowly come back to reality, curling up into his chest. “How did I ever find a woman like you?” A rhetorical question, and one that made my heart squeeze.

I let out a pleased sigh as I wrap my arms around him, our chests flush together. He doesn’t seem to mind the stick of our skin from sweat and our mutual orgasms, and neither do I. Listening closely to each other’s heartbeats and slowing breaths as we lay in the now sex soaked bed together. I feel slightly relaxed from the smell of his cologne and my perfume mingling with that sweet deep smell of sex, the air thick of it now.

“James, can I be honest?” I ask, breaking the silence with my soft, slightly hoarse, voice.

“Always, dear.” His voice humming near my ear as he rests his arm over mine and around my back, encasing me in his grip.

“I don’t want to leave the hotel…I really like it here, with everyone. With you.” I admitted, knowing that after everything the conversation had been settled inside of him, but something in me wanted to explain myself and be open with him.

“I know. I know, princess.” James says comfortingly, pressing a tender kiss to my forehead as I raise my gaze, sliding my head against the covers to look up at him. Staring into those coke zero eyes I love so much.

“I wonder…what does this make us now?” I ask. James and I had never been so intimate in our relationship, everything being boiled up to this moment.

“Whatever you want it to be…” He says in this deep, soft melodic voice that makes my heart flutter and my consciousness feel lightweight. I decided to think about it later, just laying my head closer into his chest, nestling tighter in his arms, my eyes fluttering closed as I fell asleep. Hoping that this time, I might be able to wake up in his arms for once.

Let me love you, don’t mind my desperation,

Let me hold you, not just for a vacation,

But for real and for forever,

Make it real life, let me be a real wife to you,

Girlfriend, lover, mother, friend,

I adore you

-Lana Del Rey

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@fear-is-truth @xkaisxjazzxsingerx @lemoniiiiiii @jazz-berry @marchsfreakshow