#it started as a podcast then became a book and now it’s a show!

[ricky-mortis]

Y’all should watch The Edge of Sleep…

[merrybloomwrites]

A Podcast Love Story

Summary: The story of Shayne & Y/N, as told through a series of podcasts

AN: This story was inspired by a request from someone that tumblr isn't letting me tag, so that's dumb lol

Also, I tried to follow the actual timeline of when these podcasts were posted but I did take some creative liberty, so some things might not match up with when the were really posted irl

Wordcount: 3.4K

CW: very light mention of smut, talk about pregnancy

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SmoshCast #75 – How Shayne and Courtney Feel About Being Shipped Together

Dating someone who’s in the public eye was not entirely unexpected. You live in Los Angeles after all. When you and Shayne started dating in 2019 you decided to keep it a secret for a while. Neither of you were ready to share your relationship with the Smosh viewers yet.

This became more difficult when you decided to quarantine together in 2020 during the pandemic. Two weeks after he returned from Australia, when you were sure that neither of you had Covid, you packed your necessities and headed to Shayne’s. It was nice being together, but it did get complicated when he needed to film videos.

Sometimes you would go for a walk while he was filming. Other times you would hide in the other room. He’d triple check all his footage before submitting it to make sure you, and any of your belongings, weren’t in frame.

One day, a few months in, he and Courtney are recording an episode of the SmoshCast. He sets up at the small dining table in the corner of the living room. You’re on the couch, meaning you can’t be seen on the camera, but you are in Shayne’s view. It might not have been the smartest decision since you’re now stuck there for the entire time they record, but you have a book and a snack, so you get cozy.

You can only hear Shayne’s side of the conversation, so you’re not fully paying attention. That is, until you hear Shayne say, “If we so much as say hi to each other, Shartney fans poop themselves.” The mention of this ship between him and his castmate has you more focused on the conversation. Not because you’re jealous, because that would be ridiculous, but because all of you find it quite funny how hard the two of them are shipped.

He can’t stop looking over to you for the entire ten-minute segment. It’s subtle, but there’s definitely a connection between the two of you. It’s obvious that he’s reassuring you that there’s nothing to worry about. You especially like when he says, “You can ship me with anything. Ship me with bananas.” And you nearly lose it when he says, “I am begging you, please, make a ship edit of me and Kathy Bates.”

They continue to talk and the conversation steers towards how fans make assumptions based on what they see in videos. Shayne brings up how people were concerned about him for a few weeks at the beginning of quarantine. He starts to explain, “I was very quiet in those early podcasts, but the reason was, one, I was not getting enough sleep. I kept staying up late,” here he looks at you before quickly saying, “playing video games.” You again struggle to keep quiet, knowing that was not the truth. Unless “playing video games” has now become code for “having intimate moments with my girlfriend”.

He continues to talk about how his setup for recording was less than ideal and finishes by saying, “I wasn’t sad at all, I was actually having great days.” Again, you share a quick look, showing that you agree with him about how wonderful it’s been since you started living together.

They wrap up the podcast a little while later and Shayne is officially done with work for the day.

“Playing video games, huh?” you say teasingly.

“Oh yea, totally a pro gamer now,” he replies.

“You think so?” you say with a laugh.

“I mean, I could always use more practice,” he answers as he lifts you from the couch, carrying you to the bedroom.

SmoshCast #85 – American Horror Story: Adulting

A few months later and things are looking better in the world. This means a return to the office for everyone. You’d landed a job at Smosh, working in post-production, so now you and Shayne work together. You were nervous about being around each other all the time, but luckily there’s still a fair amount of the day when you’re apart. Shayne is often filming or in meetings or busy writing, and you spend most of the time at your desk working on the next video.

But sometimes, you get a break to see him. Shayne, Damien, and Coutney are filming a new SmoshCast episode, and you sneak in to watch from the back. The theme is “Adulting”, and they somehow start by talking about how they interact with the younger generation. You can’t help but smile as Shayne talks about his niece, endeared by the relationship he has with her. He also mentions grandchildren, which makes your imagination run away thinking about your future together.

You stay for a little while and just watch your boyfriend. He’s not saying anything crazy, or doing anything special, but you love listening to him give advice. You also love how attentive he is to his friends, how closely he listens to everything they say. When you do go back to your desk you take a moment to think about how lucky you are that this man, with a solid head on his shoulders and more emotional maturity than you’ve ever seen before, is your other half.

Smosh Mouth #5 – Shayne and Y/N Share Their Love Story

“Welcome back to Smosh Mouth, I’m Shayne.”

“And I’m Amanda.”

“And today we have a very special guest. We have my lovely wife, Y/N Topp,” Shayne says, smiling at you as he finished the introduction.

“Hello everyone,” you say into the microphone.

It’s weird being in front of the camera. It’s only happened a few times in the years that you’ve been with Shayne. Even though you also work at Smosh, you’re always behind the scenes. You’ve only really been in videos that highlight the crew, so the focus has rarely been on you.

But today you’re finally sitting down to do a podcast for the channel. They’d just revived the podcast after a nearly three-year hiatus.

So much has happened in your personal life since then. At the time that SmoshCast was airing, your relationship with Shayne was fairly new, and you weren’t ready to share it yet. Within a year of that last episode going live, you two had gotten engaged. This led to you guys getting married, and as of 22 weeks ago, you being pregnant with your first child.

“Well, I for one am very excited to have you here today,” Amanda says. “I cannot wait to grill you on every last detail of your relationship.” You all laugh at that, knowing that while you’re sharing more personal information than you ever have before, no one is going to push you or Shayne too much.

“So,” Amanda continues. “Tell me, how did you meet?”

You look to Shayne, encouraging him to start the story.

“We met in 2019,” he begins. “Someone had recommended a book to me, so I was at the library to pick it up. While I was looking through the shelf Y/N came over and started looking through the section as well. We kind of started at opposite ends and moved to meet in the middle. Turns out we were both looking for the same book.”

“No you were not!” Amanda interjects.

“We really were,” you say to confirm. “We basically have the most cliché meet-cute story.”

“Ya, no kidding! So, what happened next?” she asks.

“Well, I had picked up the book first and noticed Y/N glance at it. So we started talking and I told her she should take the book first and I’d read it when she’s done.”

“And then he very smoothly said he could give me his number so I could tell him when I was returning the book,” you add.

“Look at you,” Amanda says. “Making the bold moves.”

“I had to give it a try,” Shayne says with a laugh.

“And it worked. I texted him a couple weeks later, the day before I returned the book.”

“I didn’t have her number,” Shayne says. “And I was kicking myself for not getting it because waiting to hear from her was pretty torturous I’m not gonna lie. So as soon as she texted about the book I asked her on a date.”

“Which actually shocked me at first. I really though he only was interested in the book.”

“Did you know who he was?” Amanda asks. “Like, had you watched Smosh or seen him on TV before you met?”

“I did know who he was. I had just started watching Smosh, so I recognized him but really didn’t know much about him.”

“Did you start watching old videos and try to get to know more about him after you met? Or after he asked you out?”

“I tried not to. I wanted to get to know him naturally, not through videos online. But there was a video posted after he asked me out but before our date called ‘Why We’re Bad at Dating’ and I couldn’t resist. And I truly think it helped us hit it off on that first date.”

“How so?” Amanda inquires.

Shayne takes that question, saying, “In the episode I talked about what I do on dates that kind of lead to there not being a second date. And Y/N/N called me out on that.”

You chime in, adding, “He said he puts on a ‘CW’ version of himself. I told him not to do that. And I admitted to being just as anxious about the date as he was so we should just forget the pressure and hang out and get to know each other.”

“Well, that’s adorable,” Amanda says. “So obviously you started dating and kept dating. When did you take the next step?”

Shayne takes this question and says, “I asked her to be my girlfriend a couple months later. And then we moved in together shortly after the start of the pandemic. Which was slightly challenging when it came to filming at home for Smosh since we wanted to keep the relationship a secret for a while.”

“Yea, how in the world did you make that work?”

“We were very, very careful,” you say. “I definitely hid in the bathroom more than once to stay out of frame.” At this you all laugh, and you add, “Totally worth it, though.”

“Ok, next juicy question. Shayne, how did you propose?”

“So, I hired a sky writer,” he says before laughing and continuing, “No, just kidding. We’d been dating for a year and a half, living together for almost a year at the time. We rented a cabin in Colorado for a few days and on the second day we went on a hike. Packed a picnic, did the whole thing. And I uh, I proposed at the top of the mountain.”

“You guys are literally a romcom,” Amanda quips.

“Would a romcom do a hike proposal? I feel like they’re always at fancy restaurant or the beach. Or like, yelling ‘Will you marry me?’ As the girl walks away down a street in the pouring rain,” you say.

“Oh, a hike proposal is very Lifetime or Hallmark.”

“Good point, it’s totally been in at least one of those movies.”

“Did you like that it was on a hike?” Amanda asks.

“Yea, Y/N/N, did you like it?” Shayne says, pretending to be truly concerned and worried about your answer.

“Hated it,” you say jokingly. “No, honestly, I loved it. Shayne and I always bonded over how much we love nature, so it was perfect for us. I can’t imagine it being any other way. I know a lot of girls want to make sure their nails are done so they get that perfect ring picture, which totally fine, not judging at all. But it definitely felt right that I literally had dirt under my nails and scrapes on my palms from slipping up the hill. Much more authentic that way.”

“And the wedding, anything you want to share about it?” Amanda asks.

“We actually got married in New Mexico,” you say. “It was the central spot for both our families. It was last April, so, beautiful weather during the day. And we lucked out that the temperature didn’t drop too much at night.”

“Very nice,” Amanda replies. “Shayne, anything to add?”

“We kept it pretty small, just family, and close friends. I feel like it was a very typical wedding, but it was ours, you know? So, it was special.” Shayne blushes and you know that your wedding day means more to him than he’s letting on. And that’s fine with you. It was a private event, and even though you’re sharing your relationship now, neither of you want to give away too much about your wedding.

“Aw, he’s getting red,” Amanda jokes. “Did you go on a honeymoon?”

“We did. We went to Hawaii. Neither of us had been before so we knew it would be special for us. We wanted to experience something new together,” you answer.

“Cute!” she replies. “Now, dedicated fans know you guys are together, know you’re married and all that. But there is some news you two have to share that no one knows, is that correct?”

“That’s right,” Shayne says. He looks at you, silently asking if you want to say it. But you can tell he’s bursting to tell everyone, so you give him a nod to continue.

“Y/N and I are having a baby,” he says.

“Hell yea you are! Smosh baby!” Amanda cheers. “Congratulations to you both! Y/N, how are you feeling?”

“Pretty good right now. I’m in the second trimester so my morning sickness is mostly gone, thank god. We’re very excited, got some classes we’re planning to take and we’re reading all the books so I’m sure we will still be extremely unprepared,” you say with a laugh.

“If there’s anyone I trust to figure it out and be great parents, it’s the two of you,” Amanda replies earnestly.

“Thank you, Amanda,” Shayne says.

The podcast continues with Amanda continuing to ask questions and you and Shayne sharing more stories about your time together.

You wrap up recording by mid-afternoon. You have an appointment with your doctor scheduled and since it’s so close to the end of the day, Shayne was also given time off to join you. Everything goes well and as he drives you both home you can’t help but be grateful that the two of you were brought together.

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories: Office Nightmares

It’s been a month and a half since recording your episode of SmoshMouth, and three weeks since it aired. The news that you and Shayne are expecting a baby spread faster than anything you’d experienced before. You’d both received messages of congratulations from more people than you had ever expected: from Smosh fans to Disney fans, and even Goldbergs fans. You never imagined the amount of support you’d receive.

You had the morning off for yet another checkup with your doctor. You get back to the office early, but technically you’re still scheduled to be off, so you opt to sit in as they record the next Reddit Story video/podcast. It’s one of your favorite series currently, and you love listening to Shayne read all the stories.

He begins the third story, reading the title, “Am I the asshole for telling my wife that I’m not taking off of work to be present at our daughters’ birth?”

They joke around for a bit, and then he dives into the story, reading how the man explains that he couldn’t take off work cause there’s a project and they need him there. The wife finds out that’s a lie, and it mad that he didn’t take time off. He says he wants to work more so they’d have more money after the birth, and that the baby wouldn’t even remember him being there. He finishes by saying he doesn’t know why it’s such a big deal to be there at the birth, and even blames the wife’s hormones for her being upset about it.

Shayne, along with Spencer and Tommy begin to share their thoughts on the story. You smile and nod as Shayne makes the point of, “He keeps saying the baby’s not gonna remember, but you’re fucking wife will!”

They even give reasons why they’d understand him not being there, with Tommy saying, “If they were really desperate for cash then I’d get it,” and Spencer saying he’d understand if he were terrified of being around childbirth.

The boys then look over to you and Spencer says, “Y/N, you’re pregnant, how do you feel about this story?”

“Yea,” Tommy adds, “would you kill Shayne if he did this?”

“Oh, for sure!” you call out.

“C’mere,” Shayne says. “You’re probably the one most qualified to give an opinion here.”

You look to Kiana who’s directing the video and she gives you a nod, so you walk onto the set and stand behind Shayne, leaning down so your face is next to his and your voice will get picked up on his microphone.

“What are you’re thoughts on this?” Tommy asks.

“You guys definitely made a lot of great points. I mean, childbirth is terrifying, and I keep trying to ignore the fact that I do have to actually, you know, birth a human. But I know that Shayne will be there and is studying to be the best support person. I mean, he’s read enough books about it, I think he could deliver the baby himself if necessary,” you say with a laugh.

“I will add, if this was the father of my child, I’d wonder what he actually deems important. Because this is arguably one of the biggest days of everyone’s life. First of all, it should be important to him. It’s literally his child entering the world. It’s a privilege to be one of the first people that baby will ever meet. And then, what will be a big enough deal for him to take off work in the future? Baby’s not gonna remember her first birthday, is he gonna go to that? She has a dance recital at three years old, is he going to think that’s silly and not go?”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that, but it makes sense,” Spencer replies. “He definitely seems to have his priorities and being there for his family isn’t one.”

“I truly cannot imagine not being there when our kid is born,” Shayne says. “My worst fear would be if something kept me from being there.”

“Because you’re a good person,” Tommy says bluntly, and everyone laughs.

You head back off camera as they continue on.

After a few more stories Shayne begins another entry, titled, “And I the asshole for eating the last doughnut before my pregnant coworker could have one?” He looks at you once he reads it and laughs before saying, “Y/N’s face says, yes absolutely you are.”

He reads the story which explains that the young employee ate his allotted two doughnuts, and when the pregnant coworker didn’t show up after half an hour, he ate her two as well. She gets there shortly after and explains she had car trouble and is upset to see everyone had a treat but didn’t save her any. Later, the boss pulls aside the employee to tell him he’d been rude to his coworker.

After he finishes the post the boys discuss the etiquette of eating communal snacks in the office before Shayne says, “Also, if there is one thing I know, it’s that you never mess with a pregnant woman’s food unless you want to die.” You laugh so loudly at this that you know for sure the mics picked it up from across the room.

“Y/N, anything to add?” Spencer says.

You walk over again and state, “Listen, all I’m say is that I’m mad you guys are just talking about doughnuts when we don’t have any. Cause cravings are a bitch and now I am literally not going to stop thinking about doughnuts until I get one.”

After moving offscreen you realize you need to pee, again, so you leave the studio to head to the bathroom. Once you’re out of the room Shayne says, “Hey Kiana, can I have my phone a second?”

“Why do you need your phone?” Spencer asks.

“I gotta doordash some doughnuts.”

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AN: Thanks for reading! Let me know if you have any requests for Shayne stories!

Taglist: @american-girl001 @tatumrileyslover @queenofcaradelle @1nkm0nster

[blueiight]

ldpdl, ethnicity, and the false monolith of blackness

there's this false tendency to think amc louis being made black is pandering, or a means of removing louis from his oh-so-detailed /sarcasm/ background in the books. i also find that people tend to not even understand what show louis's ethnic background is, despite rolin jones the showrunner and even the fictional louis both coalescing around this multigenerational explanation of the gens de couleur in new orleans, and how jim crow disempowered them.

I came around to his ethnicity a sort of interesting way which is through Lestat. [ … ] I was like lets give him a legitimate a third attempt at figuring how to be with somebody for the rest of his life and how to not repeat your mistakes. [ … ] I started from there so it had to be someone with some money cause he had to be with his own folks and I thought he wanted someone who could fight back and who could be a challenge and would force him to restrain himself. And nobody at AMC was interested in 7 seasons of the regretful plantation owner, so we made Louis come from a lineage that did have a plantation and did own slaves.

rolin jones in the s1 post-finale episode of the podcast names how he came to this understanding of louis's character. lestat, after failing to make a bride of his mother, and a concubine of nicki, was seeking for someone of a similar background, or the most approximate equivalent. he would not have been interested in louis if louis was an anglophone baptist black man descended from upper-south arrivals into new orleans, nor would he have been interested in louis if louis was a poor black creole honestly s1 does not give a good reading of claudia's ethnic bg in new orleans, but since she cannot understand french, we can presume shes either a poor creole removed from her cultural background with her vampiric adoption narrative in mind, or was also of an anglophone baptist black background like claudia was. louis coming from this fallen sort of gentry, the free gens de couleur, similar to that of the tvl lestat who came from this barren aristocracy dating back to the crusades, was key to lestat's long-term goals with louis.

Capital accrued from plantations of sugar and the blood of men who looked like my great grandfather but did not have his standing. But then decades of Jim Crow and the electrified light of a new century had vanquished any idea of a free man of color. - AMC IWTV 1x01

louis was of the first generations of the gens de couleur to be born, raised into, and face the institutional and personal ramifications of being viewed as black in america. this fuels much of the character's rage as he moves through storyville, trying to continue the similar modality of exploitation to the contrary of pretty baby with brooke shields, majority of the brothel circuit was statistically black girls + women being sexually pawned off to white men but ultimately failing to do so bc of the anglophone white american class that now rules over him. [tom anderson, alderman fenwick, finn o’shea starting out as louis’s subordinate then ending w/ him entering whiteness by having a sporting house throwing torches at louis’s brothel in s1e3]

By 1850, the free population of color, beset by the hostility of white supremacy, was economically diminished and residentially segregated. The Americanization of Louisiana, and in particular New Orleans, was completed before the state became the sixth to secede from the Union in 1861 in the struggle over the perpetuation of slavery. [link] The Democratic redeemers who came to power in 1877 lost no time in redefining the Negro's "place" in Louisiana life. They immediately restored the color line in the New Orleans public schools and offered silent support to de facto segregation practices in places of public accommodation. With the assistance of two landmark decisions by the United States Supreme Court, the redeemers soon dismantled the egalitarian legal apparatus put together piece by piece under the Radicals. Finally in 1890 they began to write their "final solution" into Louisiana law with a series of "separate but equal" statutes. Soon New Orleans Negroes were again segregated in virtually every public pursuit. [link]

[growingstories]

Male model

Male model Darren had always dreamed of walking the runways of big fashion shows in Italy and Paris, showcasing the latest designs from top designers. And his dream came true. Darren was known for his chiseled features, sharp jawline, and perfectly toned physique. He was the epitome of what the fashion industry considered the ideal male body. However, everything changed when the world was hit by the devastating COVID-19 pandemic.

As the first four weeks of lockdown began, Darren found himself confined to his home. With no photoshoots or fashion shows to attend, he started to spend most of his time indulging in comfort foods. The lack of physical activity and the stress of the situation caused him to gain weight rapidly.

Weeks went by, and Darren found himself down on his luck. His once slender body was now a bit plumper, and his modeling career was suffering. But fate had something different in store for him. A fast-food chain, Big Burger, impressed by his unique transformation, decided to approach Darren. They wanted him to be the face of their brand, capitalizing on his relatability to the general public. The offer was tempting, promising a hefty paycheck and a chance to regain his popularity.

Darren, despite his reservations, decided to take the offer. He thought that once the campaign was over, he could go back to his old life and lose the extra weight. Little did he know that this decision would gradually change the course of his life. In an attempt to shed off some excess weight, Darren embarked on a weight loss journey. With the help of a personal trainer and nutritionist, he managed to lose 5kg. However, just as he was beginning to see progress, his manager had other plans for him.

Another campaign for Big Burger, this time promoting their new burger known as "The Big Burger," was on the horizon. The company insisted that Darren put on more weight to portray their idea of the perfect consumer. Reluctantly, he agreed, knowing that it would mean sacrificing his own happiness for financial gain.

Also other food companies started sending him an array of mouth-watering treats and samples to promote on his social media channels. Darren found himself overwhelmed by the constant influx of food while struggling to maintain his weight and image. Nevertheless, his manager saw this as an opportunity and suggested that Darren start a podcast reviewing food products around the world.

As his career skyrocketed, Darren's weight ballooned. His previous model clients refused to book him for their campaigns, citing his size as the main reason. Deeply frustrated, Darren began to long for the glamour and success he once had. He confided in his manager, expressing his desire to lose weight and get back in shape.

Sympathetic to Darren's concerns, his manager arranged a deal with a reputable gym to help him shed the excess weight. However, just as he was getting ready to embark on his journey, Big Burger offered him an enticing three-year contract. They promised him stability, incredible earnings, and fame, but the condition was that he couldn't lose weight. Struck by the allure of financial security, Darren reluctantly accepted the offer, believing that he would be able to lose weight once the contract was over. Month by month, he had photoshoots for new products, made social media posts, and received an abundance of food and meals sent directly to his doorstep.

His fame grew, not as a fashion model but as the food reviewer he unintentionally became. The money kept rolling in, but Darren grew increasingly unhappy with his appearance. He was kut of breath fast and tying his shoes became a workout at itself. He decided to secretly visit the gym and after only a few weeks he lost 10kg.

During his next photoshoot, the photographer was surprised by Darren's leaner appearence. The pictures turned out to be fantastic, but just as he was basking in his success, he received a call from the big boss of Big Burger. The boss warned Darren that if he continued losing weight, his contract would be terminated. In an attempt to fail his weightloss regime, a big box of sweet snacks arrived at his doorstep, accompanied by a note expressing apologies for their strictness.

While guilt washed over him during his indulgence in the snacks, Darren found solace in the gym. He focused solely on building muscle without engaging in any cardio exercises. The boss's presents continued for weeks, and as a result, his muscles popped, and his belly grew once again.

Instead of feeling dejected, Darren grew happier with his newfound bulkiness. He decided to embrace his weight and the attention he received at the gym from other big men who admired his strength. Every few days, he received surprises from Big Burger and other food chains, all expressing their happiness and love for him.

Months turned into years, and Darren became unrecognizable. With his size constantly increasing, his bank account overflowed with money, but he was no longer content with his appearance. He missed the glamour of his past life and the feeling of confidence that being fit and healthy had brought him.

Darren felt a mix of guilt and determination as he stared at the feast before him. He decided to channel his guilt into motivation, guilt for enjoying the snacks to the fullest but not giving up on his fitness journey. He immediately went to the gym and worked out without any cardio, craving the unity of his mind and body. This cycle continued for two weeks. His muscles bulked up, and his belly expanded as he consumed all the snacks provided by Big Burger. He received unwavering support from his followers and fans on social media, celebrating his transformation in every post.

Embracing his new body, Darren made a life-altering decision. He chose to let go of social standards and expectations and embraced his weight. With every passing day, he became more confident and happy in his frame.

Surprises from Big Burger, along with other food companies, kept flooding in. They admired Darren's loyalty and dedication to their brand, constantly sending him food and treats. His fame solidified not only as a male model turned food reviewer but also as a symbol of unabashed self-acceptance.

With every passing day, Darren's fame and bank account grew, but it was his inner happiness that truly bloomed. He had discovered that being comfortable in his own skin was worth more than any fashion show or modeling contract.

[redgoldsparks]

August Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Heavyweight: A Family Story of Holocaust, Empire and Memory by Solomon J Brager After listening to this excellent interview with the author on the Gender Reveal podcast, I was very excited to pick up Solomon Brager's hefty nonfiction comic about family history, Jewish identity, the Holocaust, and empire. This is an incredibly well researched and thoughtful book. The author grew up with outsized family stories of a Jewish boxing champion great-grandfather from Essen who punched Nazis, and a great-grandmother who carried her children across countries and mountains to escape to the US. But these stories became much more complicated when the author started digging for receipts. One factor is the immense financial privilege of the family which already had bank accounts and significant savings in New York. Another factor is the layers of violence and empire that build up the power of the countries fighting on both sides of WWII. The author's quest to research the family story is a major thread in the story itself and I am absolutely awed by the amount of work that went into uncovering and shaping this story.

My Dearest Patrolman vol 1 by Niyama As a delinquent teen, Shin was mentored and protected by a friendly patrolman, Seiji. Having one supportive adult in his life completely turned Shin's life around and he also decided to become a patrolman. Years later, Shin and Seiji meet again, and Shin decides to confess the feelings he's been nursing for a decade. Lighthearted dating hijinks ensue! Strikes a nice balance between silly, sweet, and spicy.

Go For It, Nakamura! by Syundei An extremely silly and cute high school rom-com. Shy Nakamura has a massive crush on his classmate Hirose. Despite the fact that they see each other every day, Nakamura has never introduced himself. What will it take to get him to finally speak up and try to befriend his crush??

Something Not Nothing by Sarah Leavitt In 2020, Sarah Leavitt's partner of more than 20 years, Domino, died with medical assistance after years of severe chronic pain and a rapid decline at the end of her life. Leavitt, a cartoonist and writer, tried to make sense of this decision through comics and abstract watercolor paintings. The result is a gorgeous, heart wrenching, deeply human meditation on love and loss. There were pages that lifted my spirits and pages that pierced me to my core. I sobbed through the majority of reading it, but couldn't put it down. Leavitt's mapmaking of the landscape of grief is a gift to us all.

Assassin's Fate by Robin Hobb read by Elliot Hill What can I even say about this, the final novel of a 16 book fantasy series, which I have been reading and re-reading now for twenty years, other than holy shit??? I can't believe I've reached the end of Fitz's journey at last. This book is SO long (nearly 1000 pages) and much of it is brutal to read; characters we love are beaten, abused, tortured, and left in pretty hopeless situations for much of the novel. I think Hobb's insistence on revisiting almost every single character from the Rain Wilds and Live Ship sub-series expanded the first third of the book more than needed; had I been editing it, it would have been shorter. And yet! And yet! I was riveted by this too-long book, devouring it in big gulps, scream-texting about it to several friends who were reading the series along with me. The ending hit SO HARD. Its PERFECT, TERRIBLE, WRETCHED, one of the cruelest endings for several beloved characters and while also giving them a kind of grace and eternity I did not see coming, but should have. This book fulfills the themes of the entire series so well, completing repeated patterns, showing cycles that ripple through three generations, while also leaving a door open for the future that I'm already daydreaming about. Literally how did Robin Hobb come up with all of this. Its flawed but its perfect. I am in awe.

BL Metamorphosis vol 1 by Kaori Tsurutani translated by Jocelyne Allen An older woman picks up a BL manga by chance at a bookstore and discovers a new fandom late in life. She ends up befriending a shy high school girl who works at the bookstore and also loves BL, but has no one to talk to about it. This is such a freaking cute premise and I love the loose sketchy art style!

BL Metamorphosis vol 2 by Kaori Tsurutani translated by Jocelyne Allen Unlikely friends Urara, a shy high schooler, and Ichinoi, a widowed calligraphy teacher, bonded over their love of a BL manga series. Now they're heading to a doujinshi event to try and meet their favorite author. This brought me right back to my early days of visiting cons and meeting authors for the first time!

BL Metamorphosis vol 3 by Kaori Tsurutani translated by Jocelyne Allen Urara has been reading and loving BL manga years, but it takes a push from her older friend Ichinoi before Urara considers the idea of possibly drawing her own. Can she find the time to write and draw a story around her cram school schedule? This series PERFECTLY captures the BL reader to BL writer pipeline, I'm so charmed.

BL Metamorphosis vol 4 by Kaori Tsurutani translated by Jocelyne Allen Urara applies for a table at a comics festival, so now she has a deadline for her first original comic. Can she get it done in time? Ichinoi is there to cheer lead and support in every way she can (finding a printer, sewing a table cloth, agreeing to work the table, packing their lunches) but only Urara can get the comic done. This book contained one of my very favorite exchanges of the whole series, when Ichinoi asked "Is it fun to draw manga?" and Urara responded honestly, "No. It's hard to look at my own art for so long. But it feels like I'm doing what I should be doing."

BL Metamorphosis vol 5 by Kaori Tsurutani translated by Jocelyne Allen Urara and Ichinoi struggle through a long, slow day of trying to sell an original comic at their first ever comic event. Unbeknownst to them, their favorite author is there as an attendee. This book felt like one of the most relatable portrayals of the early days of a comics career I've ever seen. I'm obsessed with this series and definitely want to watch the live action movie adaptation!

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez This complex fantasy novel weaves together a multi-strand narrative of violence, love, and the end of empire in an original world of old gods and talking animals. In the main thread, two warriors carry the corpse of an almost-dead goddess across the country in a five day dash from the mountains to the sea. The goddess was once the Moon, torn out of the sky by her own desire for immortality. Her children became the despotic Moon Throne, a cruel dynasty which has repressed and punished the people and elements. The Moon Thrones' heirs, three brothers with extraordinary powers, chase the warriors and hunger for the last dregs of the fallen Moon's power. In another thread, an unnamed protagonist watches this drama unfold as a play being performed in a dreamy underwater sleep realm, while recalling the stories their lola told of the old country before the war. This novel is often compared with NK Jemisin's The Fifth Season in terms of scope, literary prose, and ambition and I can see why. This novel employs some very creative and unusual writing choices that make it more rewarding to read in print than to experience in audio. I had a content warning for gore and cannibalism going in, so I was prepared for the violence of the middle section. I really enjoyed this novel and I can tell I'll be thinking about it for a long time.

Horse by Geraldine Brooks read by James Fouhey, Lisa Flanagan, Graham Halstead, Katherine Littrell, Michael Obiora This book follows multiple different story lines, some of which captured me much more than others. In Kentucky in 1850, an enslaved black boy watches a new thoroughbred racing colt's birth and begins a lifelong relationship with the horse, who will go on to be one of the most well-known champions in the history of American horse racing. In New York City in the 1950s, a gallery owner known for her modern tastes falls for an equestrian portrait of the great Kentucky race horse, Lexington. And in 2019, in Washington DC, a Nigerian-American art history student and a Smithsonian scientist dig into the mystery of an unlabelled horse skeleton in the museum's collection- and its possible connection with several paintings by a Civil War era equestrian artist. I admired the amount of research that went into this novel, and the way the paintings of Lexington tied the different timelines together. However, I really struggled with how the interior emotional lives of several of the Black male characters in this book were portrayed by this author. When Jarret, the enslaved Black groom, is separated from Lexington and forced into plantation labor temporarily, Brooks writes of him gaining a depth of spirit and understanding for the human condition from this experience. This felt deeply weird to read from a white author! I'm not really the right reader to say whether Brooks did a good job or not, but it put me on edge. When the final climatic moment of the novel read like a heavy-handed lesson in how Black men are still at risk of police violence even in 2019, I wondered who exactly that point was supposed to be for, and if Brooks is the one who needed to make it. So, I felt very mixed as I finished this book. There's a lot to admire craft-wise, and I can understand why so many readers were impressed by it. But I honestly I don't recommend it, unless you want to read it in a book club setting and have a nuanced discussion about what works and what doesn't in this novel.

The Summer Book by Tove Jansson A young girl named Sophie spends her summers on an island of the coast of Finland with her very present grandmother and her rather absent father. Each chapter tells of an incident experienced through the eyes of the very young and the very old- the growth of mosses and wildflowers on the island stones; boxes and bottles of flotsam and jetsam washing to shore; a great storm; an adventure in trespassing; an unexpected visitor; a night spent outside sleeping in a tent. Without much of an overarching plot this book is still a moving picture of living very close to and in tune with the seasons and elements in a very specific part of the world. It's brief and open ended but I really enjoyed it!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 14 by Ryoko Kui As the smoke clears after the explosive ending of the previous penultimate volume, our heroes gather themselves, check on the survivors, and set out on the most collaborative challenge: cooking and eating an entire chimera body. This is a satisfying and in some ways gentler ending than I expected from this series, but I really enjoyed it!

Notes from an Island by Tove Jansson and Tuulikki Pietilä translated by Thomas Teal  In the autumn of 1963, Tove Jansson, her partner Tuulikki 'Tooti' Pietilä, and their taciturn friend Brunström set about trying to finish a small cabin on a tiny Finnish island before the onset of winter (and possible legal delays of building permits). Tove and Tooti spent their summers on the island for the next 3o years. This book contains excerpts of journal and introspective writing on the nature of the island, the sea, the changeable weather, the futility of human efforts to shift the natural environment. These writings are paired with delicate prints Tooti made of water, stones, and ocean views. I read this directly after The Summer Book and after listening to a short biography of Jansson- this made a good companion to those other texts, but might have been a bit spare on its own.

[fatallyaddictedtofiction]

Im just gonna allow myself to yap about supernatural and see where destiny takes me. SIDENOTE IF U WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS WITH ME LITERALLY PLEASE I WANT TO PLEASE INTERACT WITH ME.

Okay first of all im starting with the start (s1+2). BEST LIGHTING TO MOOD EVER EVER EVER. Like you want dark scary monsters??? ITS THERE. I remember there being a reason they changed the lighting (smugly: yes i listen to the podcast) but i CANT REMEMBER. The characterisation of the macho eldest son coded scared eldest daughter Dean is unreal and parallel in epicness to repressed queer allegory something is inherently wrong with him little brother. The brief moments of emotional vulnerability. Dont get me STARTED on Dean's monologue in the s2 finale i'll start crying. It's crazy how rude john is to Dean like excuse me he raised your kid and now ur bitching about him? Try saying thank you for once. I think the only reason john actually said im proud of you was because he realised when azazel said it dean was like "ur not my dad" and to john it was a little "oh shit" moment. Sam has every right to be angry but every time he gets angry at dean something in me shatters a little because deans trying so hard for himself and sam and sam doesnt know who or how to lash out (emotional dysregulation baybee) so aims for deans jugular like nooo honeyyyy noooooo. This era was the best sam in my opinion.

Rest of the show down here:

Onto S3-5. Cant remember jack about season 3. Season 4 CASTIEL MY BELOVED MY LIGHT MY LIFE MY REASON FOR LIVING. Absolutely loved everything about Weird Cas and i wanted more of him why did they have to domesticate him. His and Deans dynamic was impeccable and yk something??? I wanted to see Dean in hell torturing people i wanted to see it on his face how much he hated that he enjoyed it and i wanted to see Cas' face at watching the righteous man lose. Like the best we got was Yellow Fever GOD I LOVED THAT bit when he was hallucinating the book and it said "you gonna cry?" Like so many people think thats a funny episode but it makes me so sad because he is DYING and from such a young age hes been told to stow it away, lock it down to the point hes HALLUCINATING IT. Cas falling for dean. Im sorry i just. They are the best love story. LUCIFER. He was scarier back then, but i do love later seasons lucy too. Something about the peeling skin and the "we will always end up right here" just slapped. ENDVERSE EPSIODE god so good can we just take a moment to think about it. Okay cool thanks okay. Demon blood Sam arc was fun but had unfulfilled potential. Cant give you specifcs rn its late and my brain needs to get this all out so if you know you know. The whole meta stuff with Chuck was eh until he was confirmed as god and then i was like duuude the faint strings of marionettes are glistening in the sunrise like how do we know --- im getting ahead of myself.

S6-11. I know, its a big chunk. But basically the whole thing could be renamed "Crowley's unrequited love story". Cas and crowley were the best duo i almost forgot like they are genuinely so funny together and i bet it would be great to be tortured by them UMM THE BETRAYAL i honestly loved Cas' episode the only thing i didn't like was how the reveal itself was done like... Idk just a bit... Kryptonite???? Anywho i Loved the tension between Dean and Cas DEAN LOOKED BACK. Um leviathans were my favourite monster but they became so dumbbbb after washing up liquid killed them. BOBBYS EPISODE ALWAYS MAKES ME SOB MY EYES OUT "i raised two boys and they became heroes" allow me to DIE. Also damn impressed a shot to the head didnt take him down but it was lovely to see Deans first world, first solid rock properly crumble around him (forgetting john okay he wasnt a healthy rock) . PURGATORY DEAN JDJSJDJDJD kill me please his fight or flight mode was SO. So sad we didnt get more of purgatory like i would pay to see more i would kill probably but we'll overlook that. Benny my beloved. They definitely all got together Cas included like who wouldnt at that point. Smth i didnt like is how wheneer they went back to purgatory, unlike how dean described it "360 battle 24/7" or some shit like that it was EMPTY. Like please,, i know the plot needs convenience BUT PURGATORY ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE CONVENIENT. But dean recrafting his own memories to make himself believe that he failed to save Cas rather than what he perceived as Cas giving up on him- hang on i dropped my jaw somewhere, gimme a sec i need to go find it-- LIKE. HHHH. The whole mind control shit going on with Cas because his ties to Dean had been severed (saw a post about that and loved it but cant rmb it) and HIM BEING THE ONE TO BREAK IT. The crypt scene mmmm i love. Want more. Mark of Cain dean was literally my favourite. A violent, mentally unstable man who also has bad mental health and is often covered in blood? Yes pls. Cas being with him every step of the way. I havent mentioned Sam in a while. Hes just kind of been there. Hate that he slowly became 2D. Far away in the background hes got his worried expression and is rocking, saying "Dean? Dean? Cas? Jack? Dean?" Like writers why did u strip his personality except for worry. Do Not get me started on the whole Amelia thing ill stab someone. But yeah cas saying he'll watch dean murder the world is my universe :). If someone said that to me id say "omg really?" And develop a huge fat crush (somehow). CHARLIE DYING WAS AN ABOMINATION When they brought back Eileen why not charlie like. Dont bring characters back at this point because theres all sorts of issues grr. Amara was cool af but i didnt like the whole amara x dean stuff because it was just weird. Luciferrrrr hes so girlypop i love him DEAN DIDNT KNOW IT WASNT CAS but thats only because lucy purposefully wore less clothes around him to distract him.

S12-14. Im running out of steam. MARYYY. It hurt to see Sam get along with Mary becsuse he never knew her as anything else while all dean wanted was a mom and that wasnt who she really was anymore. He loved her so much but couldnt break through that barrier of "it wasnt the perfect marriage until after she died" vibes. God that scene in s5 where its suggested dean saw +/ smelled what happened to Mary and he was literally backing himself into a corner BROKE me. Havent mentioned the Wayward sisters but please know they are so important to me they are my everything. Jack is also. Loved Kelly, very sad she had to die. Wanted Jack to be a baby but thats not good for television is it. But i love Jack so much hes such a sweetie who can kill with a thought. Alternate universe michael and Michael!Dean was epic af but michael dying like that was so anticlimactic gonna be honest i think they were just reaching for ways to lose Jacks soul. Garth GARTH!!! Hes so cute. I loved all those "hand recorded" episodes btw like ghostfacers and that one teen wolf type stuff. Dean hiding in his room is so me. Free Will Theory is so fucked up at this point ur sat there saying gods been pulling the strings this whole time and i supposed to be okay with it?? I so get why deans angry but i definitely think thats something Chuck emphasised (crappy excuse for crappy writing) to an extreme level because WHAT. Like dude. I cant even describe how out of character he felt at some times.

S15. Currently rewatching and cant rmb much of it. 3 characters dead in the first 3 episodes. They either kill off all side characters or we dont hear from them at all to tie up or shove away loose ends. I cant even talk abiut the finale please i cant rn im way too tired. It straight up didnt need to exist, it could've only been 19 eps. Cas. Castiel. He did want you my darling.

[saintmeghanmarkle]

to be a Zombie carcass crawling after Catherine forever by u/ElectricalAd9212

to be a Zombie carcass crawling after Catherine forever Central to the psychosis of Markle was her fantasy of being 'besties' with The Princess of Wales.When Catherine's attitude was basically, OK, no, I have three children to raise, a husband to support, a Monarchy to think of, a nation and Commonwealth to serve, a depressed brother to love, and a Grandmother-in-law Queen to spend time with, Markle became a psychopath obsessed with hatred.Its essentially the same dynamic as a mean girl in school who, when an elegant and popular and kind and beautiful girl refused to bow down to her, went all out to whisper nasty things to harm her.That is basically Markle's whole story.It can be seen as a multi-year psychopathic campaign by a stalker and there's never been anything like it before, involving misinformation, millions spent on PR, an entire Netflix show, podcasts, book, hoaxes, and lies and slander, all to harm Catherine, because she refused to pander to this deranged psychopath.Now, we're seeing PR planted by the lunatic along the lines of 'its such a shame Meghan and Catherine couldn't be friends, they could have done so much as besties and support each other', like the thing in People magazine the other day.So she's sussed that open annihilation psychopathy won't work, its now soft passive-aggressive regret to associate herself with the Princess of Wales.This will be the tone of everything now. Imagine Markle fantasising about an interview she gives. She writes the piece for the journalist.'There is a wistful, sad look in the Duchess of Sussex's eyes when she speaks. She looks into the distance, towards the shimmering light of the late afternoon sun and sighs. I notice a change in her voice. She looks down and says, 'Its so sad. Things got in the way between us from the start. On both sides. Forces prevented her from reaching out to me as I reached out to her. If anything, I was to blame for not giving her the space to free herself from those forces. I should have been more patient. I truly believe that to have an African American Duchess as the closest friend and adviser to the future Queen could have brought harmony to the world. I do regret the forces that were against us. And I feel so sad for her illness. When I heard, I wish I could have been there to hold her hand. But I understand she can't break the mould and reach out to me. So I move on.' She sits in silence and then says, 'but I'm a survivor. I'm a Duchess. I am royalty. And my TV shows, and my line of air fresheners and sandals and candles proves that.'Here is the thing.The only way she can have anything is by being soft.So its always going to be vibes like that.Always associating herself by distance with Catherine, who recent moments have shown to be the most famous, fascinating and beloved woman in the world.Markle thought that her ascent would be by poisonous whispers and abuse and vicious incitement and frenzy against Catherine. She expected the whole world, especially America to join in. Look at how her social media mobs operate. Like a mob pulling the hair and kicking the nice girl who offended the self appointed mean girl queen of school.Instead she has destroyed herself, and now plays humble and soft to still try and be associated with her obliquely.But it is what it is. All it shows is that Markle's plan now for the rest of her days is to be a psychopath stalker by stealth, to be a Zombie carcass crawling on the ground trying to follow Catherine everywhere, to get as many coins as she can from whichever witless people in media or grifter philanthropy are fooled by this psycho. post link: https://ift.tt/OHP5Xfo author: ElectricalAd9212 submitted: April 12, 2024 at 02:41PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[captain-krow-drozdov]

Silver Accidentally Became A Cryptid/The True Crime Girlies Neat Little Mystery Guy

So In My Head Silver Only Gets Like A Month Or So In The Good Futures In Order To Catch Up On The History And Technology Before Getting Booted Into The Next Apocalypse He Has To Solve Since The Timeline He Was Born Into Was An Apocalypse. It's His Natural Habitat Unfortunately.

This Mans Does Not Have A House In The Good Futures, Closest He's Got Is Victory Garden He Made 200 Years In The Past. So He Typically Spends Most Of His Time Camping Out In Local Libraries Catching Up On 200 Years Worth Of Information And Yoinking Food From Vending Machines While Abusing His Access To Public Computers. Same Shit Different Future Apocalypse.

So Imagine His Surprise When Some Timeline Video On The History Of Sonic He Had Playing In The Background While Snacking Veers Away From Sonic And His Friends And Starts Ranting And Raving About A Mystery Third Hedgehog Whose Name Is Always Conveniently Glitched Out Or Inaudible In The Few Videos Of The Hedgehog That Exist.

This Leads Silver Down A Rather Interesting Rabbit Hole Consisting Of True Crime YouTubers/Podcasters, Conspiracy Theorists, Hours Long Video Essays And Hysterical Historians Armed With Cork Bords And Red String All Trying To Figure Out Who (And Sometimes What) The Hell Silver Was/Is.

To The Internet Silver Is Damn Near A Creepypasta If It Wasn't For The Fact That You Can Find Pictures With Silver In The Background In History Books And Museums. In All Of Silvers Time Traveling To Stop The Apocalypse Of The Month He Had Never Been Too Concerned With Who Saw Him Or If He Was In Any Videos Or Photos And Now It Has Come Back To Bite Him.

Now Imagine You're Some Poor Mobian Who's Workin On Making Your Own "What The Hell Was Up With Sonic And Friends Anyway?" Video Only To Make Direct Eye Contact With A Silver Hedgehog Who Looks A Bit Too Much Like That Guy Who Always Conveniently Showed Up Before Shit Hit The Fan In The History Books The Cryptid Himself Looking Sleep Deprived In The Local Library Surrounded By History Books With A Video Of Some Poor YouTuber Paused Mid Rant Pointing At A Picture Of Said Cryptid Hedgehog With The Words "Apocalypse Omen???" Hastily Slapped On Screen.

That's All I Got But Here's Some Memes For The Vibe:

The Vibes Of The Videos Silver Found About Himself ↓

[utilitycaster]

you getting push back on that post is crazy to me isn't it enough to watch and get invested in something for what it is currently rather than what it will be? I have so many unfinished projects in my own life it'd be crazy to demand polished completion from everything I watch/read. my unfinished sketches and embroidery and abandoned dnd campaigns still brought joy and growth without having a polished thing to present at the end

So what's funny to me is like. I have referenced this before here and elsewhere but like, as a child, I was SO bad at ambiguous and sad endings and my mother was like, not unkind about this, but neither did she coddle it, and I think that laid a groundwork that was really necessary.

My tags, which got lost bc I did NOT expect that post to break containment, do actually touch on how Netflix and other streaming services canceling things to avoid paying people a fair wage fucking suck but yeah here's a list of creative endeavors I participated in or watched/listened to/read that do not as of this posting have endings and I still liked, and many of them aren't even directly attributable to capitalism because this is just a fact of life and art.

As mentioned, both A Song of Ice and Fire and the Kingkiller Chronicles.

Multiple D&D campaigns for sure (I actually don't make D&D characters without a game in mind and find it weird that people do and so I'm like why am I the one arguing for the beauty of the incomplete).

Multiple fics, both mine and others.

King Falls AM, a podcast I binged in like 2018-2019 and despite being a mystery never actually completed bc the creators couldn't agree.

I think Battlestar Galactica 2003 is one of the most brilliant shows of its era and also the finale, which happened when the creators intended it to, is really dumb, and that doesn't undo the fact that I loved everything else.

How I Met Your Mother ends really poorly in a way that arguably undercuts the whole series, but like, I still liked that too.

Ditto for Chuck, which also struggles in that it was on the chopping block most seasons so they kept ending in ways that probably weren't true to whatever the original vision may have been.

I saw Firefly on DVD after it had already been canceled, I think Serenity is good but I don't love all the choices, and Joss Whedon has since been revealed to be a dick but like, I enjoyed myself greatly while watching it.

As mentioned, Heroes. I didn't watch much TV until my teens anyway because we didn't have cable and our reception sucked and we were very much a book household, and this was one of the first series I recall watching from season 1 and it's also the first TV series where I was like yeah I don't care anymore, and it went on for 4 seasons and I think I gave up either late S2 or early S3.

I didn't watch Supernatural, Game of Thrones, nor Grey's Anatomy but all of those are famous for outstaying their welcome, sometimes it's better to burn out than fade away, etc.

I had already long outgrown Harry Potter and started to see its limitations by the time Rowling's transphobia became public but like, now it's not something I would ever recommend to my friends' kids or anything, and that doesn't undo the fact that I did greatly enjoy it as a child and teenager; it was indirectly the reason why I was introduced to the superior fantasy of Diana Wynne Jones, which I do still reread from time to time. (I think the "well I never liked it" mentality about works from artists who end up being terrible people is tied into the "I can't get invested in anything that might end in an unsatisfying manner." Tumblr University's media studies grads are not the brightest stars in the firmament, that's for sure.)

Like, cancellation (let alone cancellation specifically because of the unique shittiness of streaming services) is just one of the many reason things might end in a way you dislike or become difficult for you to enjoy at a later date, and that's just talking about television. Are you really going to deny yourself the joy of anticipation and watching a story unfold in real-time because the thought of something not satisfying you at every single turn is so unfathomable?

(oh, and because this is, as we know, a CR blog much of the time, I should add that this mentality is really pervasive which is wild because your average 3-season canceled Netflix show is probably the equivalent of maybe 9-10 CR episodes; thinking about how many people who now claim C2 is terrible watched 141 episodes and also the person who is iconic to me who unironically asked me what the point was in getting invested in characters who will die re: Chetney)

[ice-cap-k]

Where did the fae brainrot come from? What started it? 👀

Fair warning: ramble dead ahead.

To be honest, I've always been really interested in fantasy and the idea of fairies. Tinkerbell was basically my thing growing up. I had plenty of kids' books about fairies based on gemstones and animals and things. And I was always interested in the historical side of stories. I would check out history and nonfiction books on obscure topics. Some of my favorite podcasts were educational in that they delved into the roots of modern myths and legends. Shows like Lore (which is now also a book and a TV show), The Midnight Library, 30 Morbid Minutes, Freaky Folklore, and so on and so on. Me and my dad would watch the weird side of the History channel together. And with the fun fae lore and character options in dnd, I was fairly aware of some of their cool implications.

Now, none of this particular started the brainrot. It just made me a bit more predisposed.

Because the real moment I latched onto fairies with respect to a mythological standpoint was almost exactly 4 years ago when I grabbed a random book off my local library's shelf.

This book's synopsis on the back cover painted it as a modern day mystery where a detective tracks down a missing girl and ends up biting off more than he can chew. Pretty generic setup by all means. There was nothing there to hint about any fantasy elements, and for most of the book, there weren't. It was only when you get to the end where it became clear that the girl the detective was looking for wasn't kidnapped or killed or anything like that.

No, the twist was that she was reclaimed by her fairy husband from another life.

In truth, the book turned out to be a modern take and twist on the story Torchmarc Etain, or The Wooing of Etain. Up until that point, I had never heard of the story and knew little to no celtic/irish mythology. Little fae mythology in general, honestly.

I'd say spoiler alert, but the truth is, I can't remember what the book was called or who wrote it. I still regret not writing it down because I have been trying to find it again for the past 4 years. If I had known how pivotal this stupid book would be or how hard it would be to find, I would have written its name down, or heck, never bothered to return it. The library doesn't keep a history of what books patrons have checked out and no matter how many times I walk through the isle I first found it in, Ive never seen it on the shelves again.

I looked up the original myth after I returned the book and it's definitely wild. And weird. And yeah, it's mythology, so that shouldn't come as a surprise. And as you read the myth, it discusses other things. Things like Midher's family and the Tuatha De Danann. A couple of google searches later, and Im back at the library looking for anything they have on the Tuatha De Danann and celtic myths. Honestly, they dont have much. Three books total in the non-fiction section, one of which I've read for times.

The more I looked, the more fascinated I was. The more connections I made to things I knew from various other sources. So many things I was vaguely aware of but lacked the full scope of suddenly seemed to make so much more sense. It was like I had a mess of yarn in a tangle, but you didn't realize it was all one connected strand until the knot came loose. It goes so deep and covers so much as you work your way through stories across Europe. Characters. Magic. Chaos. A mythology vast and rich but yet I hardly heard any of, overshadowed worldwide by other myths. Notably, Greecian mythology.

And don't get me wrong, I had my time where I was fascinated by Greek gods and their antics, but that fascination didn't last near as long as this one. I love looking into the good god the Dagda and his dual nature club, or the story of Nuada's death at the hands (or really I should aay eye) of Balor, only to immediately be avenged by Long Armed Lugh. There’s the Ulster Cycle and the Cattle Raid of Cooley, and how the Aes Si, fae as we know them, descended from Tuatha. How the Catholic monks who came to the land both white washed, and saved most of the myths we are still aware of because back then it was looked down on to write written records of druidic beliefs previously carried down with spoken word, but the monks went and wrote it all down anyway. I could gush about all of it.

And to top it off, like those podcasts and shows and books I enjoyed growing up, it explained how certain things got to the point they are known as today. For example, banshee were once known as ban - sidh (pronounced nearly the same). Sidh denoting fae ties, though the concept originally came from the practice of keening. Keening was a traditional form of mourning the dead. It was a vocal lamentation: crying weeping, shouting. Professsional keeners could be payed to attend funeral rights and processions when people of high birth died, as it was considered dishonerable for others of high birth to display grief in such ways. It is here where the story of the woman whose screams fortell death started to become the banshee, a creature people can easily identify. And yet... you have to go digging to find out its mythological roots.

Maybe it's just me, but I find that kind of sad.

So I keep digging. I keep looking. I keep learning. There's certainly no lack of material.

That book was my white rabbit, and I chose to jump headfirst down the hole. I've been down here long enough to realize it's probably not a phase. Maybe this version of Wonderland is where I belong, or maybe not, but I'm going to enjoy my time here and relish in the nonsense of it.

[adviceformefromme]

Sis, please tell me, how do I LISTEN?

It’s not that I can’t HEAR, I can feel it, it’s just that I’m not LISTENING.

How? How do I listen to my Body? How do I listen to GOD? How do I listen to my spirit, to life, to the experiences and lessons that come for me? I keep ending up in the same situations over and over again: broke & unemployed, angry and short tempered, desperate, lonely and self-isolating; overwhelmed with all the negative and all I WANT to be doing that I shut down and turn everything off and close my mind and my heart to everything and everyone.

I lost my brother 4 years ago, the love of my life, my best friend & cheerleader, virtually my dad, as I didn’t grow up with mine. I couldn’t handle it, I’ve never experienced loss like this. I turned it all off and threw my spirit, along with my hopes, dreams, will to live and self worth into a box and down into a Black Sea of grief and heartbreak 💔 Now, I can’t find that box anymore…I can HEAR it screaming to me, but I’m not listening close enough to find it. What do I do?

Hey Sweetie, sorry to hear of your pain! I can relate as I lost my brother suddenly over 7 years ago and we were sooo close. It was pain I had never experienced. As for closing off and shutting down, this was also my coping mechanism. The main thing is, is that everything you write is totally possible to overcome. I'll put some tips below, take what you need and DM me if you need more support xoxox

The broken record, the keep making the same mistake pains. Spend some time analysing these. Where was the window that you could of made a change? For example. If in relationships you loose your temper when a guy doesn't message back. Where is the window in that process for change? Bring light to it. Is it learning to say no to men who show you early on that they are crappy with messaging? Is it not sleeping with them too soon so you can see their true colours? Really observe the cycle. And drill down on where you can see your set back. Once you can see the pattern and the behaviour keeping you stuck. You can move into prevention. If X happens, I will now do X. Keep reminding yourself of this. Keep reminding yourself of your new behaviour.. Daily, even outside of the situation, keep reminding yourself if X happens I will now do X. And this is the PRE step , this is making the change before you end up in the gutter. This is your preventative action. When you feel ready ask God for a test. He WILL deliver.

Stop breaking your own promises. Learn to build trust with yourself. Start small, this is how you build self respect, and move forward. This really affects your whole being. If you say you are going to make your bed start making it. Start small and build some trust inside, this is how you gently start listening to yourself, and responding. Once that trust is there and you become that person to yourself that you can rely on you can move to bigger goals.

Have an outlet to process your emotions. Create space to cry and feel if you are someone who does not have ability to do this day to day. Carve out some you time for reflection. I struggled to cry when I was grieving as a child I was not allowed to show emotion with my abuser, so during my grief my emotions became so clogged up. I would have to carve out time to FEEL. Sometimes it was journalling, but movies allow me to feel so i would sit with a box of tissues sobbing my heart out to any random movie. Do what you need to give yourself space and freedom to process and feel.

Get a therapist if possible, if not lean on youtube, podcasts, books. There are so many amazing books, I recommend Marianne Williams - Return to Love. This is a great book for healing and references to God.

Find a community, you need a support system. Through Church, through new hobbies, through existing friends let them know what you are going through and let them know what you need from them. Maybe you just need your best friend to listen instead of doing xyz, let them know. Part of asking for help is knowing what your needs are. What are your needs for yourself? What do you need right now? What do you need from you ?

Become DEVOTED to your self - care and self - love. This should be your first and foremost priority. Healing from deep wounds of loss requires extra love and care for you, so let this be your main priority.

Cleanse your life of all the pollution. See yourself as the ocean, keep your ocean clean. What music is polluting your ocean? What people are toxic to your waters? What actions are you taking that harming your beautiful seas? Take inventory and start making adjustments. Remember, the ego will be overwhelmed if you go hard on all these changes. Imagine a swinging pendulum. Going too far to one side will only mean swinging to far to the opposite side. With the above, try to find some middle ground when introducing new habits. Be kind to yourself, and keep a check of your inner voice. Are you living in an internal war zone? Imagine yourself as a small child, how would you treat her? Love her? Care for her? Wash her? Feed her?

[ahh-fxck]

If you've read Warrior's Blues anytime in the last four years, thank you. The fourth year anniversary of me hitting "publish" on the first chapter was the 26th, and as a result I've been thinking about this story a lot. I decided I wanted to share some of my process for writing it and the reason I decided to write this fic in the first place.

I was going back and forth about publishing this, but what pushed me over the edge was a movie I just watched. It's currently available on Disney+, the title is Swan Song and it stars Udo Kier. Of all the movies I've watched, TV shows, books, audiobooks, podcasts, this one piece of media hits me the hardest. Queerness was supposed to be invisible, shunted to the margins of society. But all of these queer men and women carved spaces for themselves and their joy. They made community and celebrated and loved and fucked and set their own standards for beauty and attraction. Our predecessors and ancestors (and most of them are ancestors now, far too soon) were everywhere, as unstoppable as flowers forcing their way through concrete. They connected with each other and their communities, they made spaces for themselves. Those connections laid foundations of love that set the stage, both literally and metaphorically, for the queer youth of today to thrive. We're here because of them.

Ancestors. Those who came before us, the roots from which we spring. They were on my mind when my friend @stressedspidergirlsfandomblog prodded me to write something for queer history month. I had just watched season one of the Witcher and I was struck Very Queer Feelings. My fingers got to tapping and I thought, I'll write a short little crack piece with some internalized homophobia and 90s nostalgia sprinkled on, I'll be done in a week, it'll be great. (LOL.)

But then it became so much more. Because somewhere in there I realized I was writing a love poem to the Witcher fandom about queerness, about queer history and queer love and the pressures of living before legalization in the USA. When I realized I was doing that, I started watching, listening to, and reading, everything I could get my hands on.

Four years in, I have taken in a ton of media as part of writing this fic (and I will take in much more before I'm done. Recommendations welcome!) Swan Song was especially poignant, but it's all been important in forming this story. When I'm not actively writing, I try to be taking in things that help me understand the times and places each of my characters is steeped in. I've been devouring everything about and from 1995-1951 for years now. I'm not picky, I've been trying to distill all of it- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Golden Girls has been a favorite. Pose too. Right now I'm watching the Simpsons. I've also read things like American Warrior, a book written by Army Ranger Gary O'Neal. When I do dishes I watch Cheers, or the Donna Reed show. Other days it's Seinfeld. Some of my research has been beautiful, like reading the works of Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai. A lot of it grates. It's painful to process all of the queerphobia, and it can be uncomfortable to wade through things that rub me wrong. But that's sort of the point. Queerness can be hard. It can also be so, so joyous.

More than reading, when I can feature vintage queer media in the story, I try to do so. Some of the easter eggs are subtle, and some of them much more obvious, like the Mapplethorpe photos in the bar. My hope is to honor their history and remember them with love.

I do want to make one special podcast shout-out: @makingqueerhistory has been an integral part of my research. Their archive of episodes is truly a treasure trove, and has enhanced not only my understanding of my characters' worlds but of the sheer depth and breadth of queer history itself. I am so grateful that this resource is available. I keep wanting to recommend them to you but I don't usually get around to talking about the media that goes into this story. So consider this a plug. If you love this story and you can donate to them, please do so, even if it's only a dollar or two.

As I mentioned before, this project got started during Pride month thanks to @stressedspidergirlsfandomblog goading me to write a fic. (Thank you friend, sometimes it helps to get a push) It is also my love letter to the Witcher fandom about Pride, about why it's important, about what our queer forbears did to pave the way to the world we live in today and what joy their hard work is bringing us. About why it's important to love what we have and also why it's so important to fight for our rights. I'm afraid for the future. I think a lot of us are, but what I see of our past gives me so, so much hope. We are strong, we are resilient, we have always been here. No matter what happens, we will persist. There is a reason that dandelions resonate with so many of us on this webbed site. Like them, we can flourish in the most adverse of conditions. They are fierce, and they are beautiful. Just like we are. We will keep popping up no matter what happens. I believe that queer people or all sorts deserve to exist. We deserve to celebrate ourselves and each other free of guilt, shame, or fear. And we deserve to experience joy. Cause you know what? Our joy is BEAUTIFUL. It's worth protecting! It's worth fighting for. Thank you for being with me on this journey. I'm in it for the long haul, and I appreciate each and every single one of you who's stopped in to enjoy this story along the way. You are wonderful.

And a special thanks to @stressedspidergirlsfandomblog. Without you, none of this would have happened. Love you, friend!

I hope this month brings everyone the joy they need. You all deserve it.

Happy Pride, family.

[adventuresasmrsfindley]

I can't remember how long I've had tumblr but many moons ago before the job I have now I worked at a bank. I became really good friends with one of the tellers I worked with but after about a year of working together she moved away because her (POS) husband got out of the military and they wanted to get back closer to family. We lost touch for many years but for the last year or two we've been friends on Snapchat and have talked/caught up some. Anyways she and her sister were in KC for a live podcast show this weekend and I got to see her today!! We went out for breakfast and it was so nice to see her and catch up. We figured up that it's been 9 years! So crazy. Her (POS) husband has been in prison for like 6 of those and she is a completely different person than the one I knew back then. In a good way! She looks happy and healthy and has her own place with their son and a good job and I'm just so so happy for her and so freaking glad we could meet up! I hope it's not another 9 years before I see her again. She's only 3ish hours away so maybe next time I can go to her neck of the woods.

After breakfast I ran some errands, bought 3 new books at Barnes and Noble 😅 I have a TBR list a mile long and could def use Libby or Kindle Unlimited to not pay butttt sometimes you just want an actual book in your hand. I'm going to start Wrong Place Wrong Time by Gillian McAllister today! It'll be my 6th book this month.

Also have a nail appointment here in a bit. I switched to dip from gel last time and man it lasts so much longer! I was having to get gel redone every 2 weeks and I've had this on for 3 and don't have a single chip. They're just starting to look too grown out.

That's it for my random Saturday brain dump lol have a great weekend, friends!

[rigelmejo]

Dreaming Spanish, Paper of 1200 hours learning French only watching shows, Personal Notes

So I signed up for Dreaming Spanish's site yesterday. However: it quickly became clear I have absolutely no time for studying something on top of Japanese and Chinese so. I will not get to use it much.

The good: their website is very nice, I think. The free videos are listed, and part of all collections, and they can track on the website how many minutes/hours you've watched and skip videos you've watched before if you wish. Meaning if you're using DS videos to study, going on their site is useful if you watch on a computer or phone, because their site will track your minutes watched for the day and put on a playlist for you for your language level. So it requires much less navigation and keeping track from you compared to the youtube site. I am super bad at tracking time doing X and what video I was on in youtube, so these features are awesome. It also tells you how many days it will take to reach each study level they have.

I think this is a super good tool to keep you realistic, and accountable to your own personal goal. If you only set your goal on DS to the learner option of 30 minutes a day (do NOT set it to 15 minutes a day), then you're looking at hitting goals at these points: you'll know 1500 words in 299 days, you'll know 5,000 words in 1,199 days (~3.3 years), and you'll be level 7 comparable to a native speaker in 2,999 days ~8.2 years). As you can see... 8.2 years is comparable to maybe if you took Spanish all through elementary school for 30 minutes a day (if that elementary school spanish was an immersion class). Now, languages take years to learn no matter what, and sometimes it will just have to look like 8 years for you (I'm studying Japanese and definitely getting close to that lol, and if I only had 30 minutes to study I'd obviously have to settle with the pace I can do). But if you study 2 hours a day, you can make a huge amount of progress in just 2 years (see below).

If you set it to 120 minutes per day (2 hours, like I tend to recommend for decently paced progress) then you'll know 1,500 words in 75 days (great progress from absolute beginner to able to start doing basic graded readers and learner podcasts if you want, and about where I got to when self studying in Chinese in the first few months), you'll learn 5,000 words in 300 days (less than a year!) at which point slow native speakers talking and books for children should be understandable (and shows will almost be without any word lookups, easier shows like cartoons and daily life romance may be). That's AMAZING progress for less than a year. I know for an English speaker, learning French or Spanish takes less time to understand... but I forgot how much less time. I guess my Chinese progress was only a little slower but I did a lot of 4+ hour study days the first year. And you'd get to DS Level 2 comparable to a native speaker in 750 days (just over 2 years).

That's a perfectly snappy progression, to be honest with you. People complain that comprehensible input lesson plans/ALG plans take 1500-2000 hours (DS takes 1500 hours), but the Foreign Service institute suggests 750 hours in class for Spanish then another 750 outside of class study, which is 1500! Same time period FSI suggests. For Thai it recommends 1100 class hours and 1100 out of class study, which is 2200 hours. So the CI lesson plans/ALG plans take about as much time as FSI estimates it takes their learners, the difference appears to be that ALG plans just do NOT include in any outside time spent studying. (A note: Dreaming Spanish does suggest doing lots of listening outside of their materials, but gives you the option to log that time on their site, so I am guessing outside listening you understand the meaning of would count toward their hours required of study).

Anyway, back to my point about Dreaming Spanish's tracking: I deeply appreciate how it shows you the goal study time per day you set, how much you're actually reaching it (so you know if it's unrealistic for you), and how long the milestone goals of understanding should take if you study at your goal study time per day. I think this tool on their site is incredibly useful. And even the Levels area on it's own, listing hours to get to each level and what you should be able to do at it, is quite good as a guide for what you should expect as a language learner.

Their guide matches up fairly well with what I could do in French, Chinese, and Japanese at various levels, very well. I read earlier and watched shows earlier than the guide suggests - I started when I was between level 2 and level 3 (so when I knew between 300-1500 words... I usually start graded readers ASAP so I started Chinese graded readers at 500 words studied, and with Japanese I waited longer than usual and read them at 1500-2000 words but read manga before that ToT, with French I started graded readers at 300 words and normal reading material at 1500 words... but also keep in mind, I was looking words up whereas the DS method does NOT suggest you look any words up, so me looking words up likely made harder materials like novels and shows understandable at an earlier point). And I found French reading material readable with no dictionary around level 4 (far earlier than DS suggests native speaker reading material being doable), I found Chinese shows understandable without word lookups earlier for me around level 4 (earlier than DS suggests - but I tolerate ambiguity okay and am Great at guessing new things from context, it's my favorite way to learn).

Semi Related things:

I read a whole paper a man wrote about learning French entirely through shows for 1200 hours, then an additional 300 hours of talking to people in French, a little grammar conjugation table reading and wikipedia in french reading and comic reading, and taking the B1 and B2 test and passing at the conclusion of 1500 hours. I recommend reading it if interested, I found it fascinating. The man looked up NO WORDS AT ALL in the first 1200 hours. The man did not pre-study much, he did not even know French was not spelled phoenetically much until 1200 hours in when he finally saw the writing system. He switched to watching cartoons a couple hundred hours in, because he could figure out new word meanings much faster with the direct visual context for what characters said (compared to shows for adults having discussions of things not happening on screen), and switched to shows for adults later once his vocabulary rose. (*Note: I did something similar with Chinese, I started with action wuxia because they would say 'get her/grab it/kick him/run/fight me/she's X' and I could learn a LOT of verbs and nouns by guessing instead of having to look up words every minute, back in that early point... action shows generally do more describing of whats actually on screen happening, and then comedic romance daily life shows, if you don't want to watch cartoons). His experience was brutal, he watched 5 hours on average a day, paid attention and made concious guesses of new words and features. It worked though!

And it is a great point to use as comparisons. His method worked, so the ALG/CI method type lessons should work as they are also 'watching audio visual' stuff in the language. While also being LESS exhausting than what this man did, since the ALG/CI lessons are structured to make it much easier to figure out new word meanings without as much uncertainty, are spoken slower to be understandable to learners, and are designed to teach you specific vocabulary and grammar.

He mentioned in his method, that if he were to do it again, he thinks he'd make faster progress if he'd allowed himself to 1. watch with French subtitles (to work on reading skill at the same time as listening), and 2. to look up words meanings to compare with the guesses he was making so he could quickly confirm correct meanings and move on.

I personally, based on my own experience, think he was somewhat right in thinking this and ALSO somewhat wrong. What I think is true about his guess that looking up words would've sped up the process: I know it does, I learned 2000 Chinese words in 6 months, then another thousand at least in the next 6 months, and while I cram studied an SRS app for 2 weeks (and 2 review) I think the bulk of reinforcement of remembering was me watching shows and confirming word guesses by looking up key words. If I'd done zero SRS app, and just watched shows from day 1, I would've looked up 1 keyword per minute at first probably. And it would've got me a similar pace of progress. I learned all my Chinese vocab after that first SRS app cram, by looking words up as I read or watched stuff. It definitely sped up progress. In French, I took 6 months to get where that guy got in 1 year... I was reading instead of listening mind you (and listening seems harder), but looking up words sped up my ability to comprehend more faster.

I think his assumptions about watching with French subtitles were wrong though: I think while subtitles DO help with reading (helped my Chinese reading a ton), I think (especially with similar alphabet languages - if you know another language uses that alphabet too) seeing the written form gives your brain more space to sub-vocalize the WRONG pronunciation mentally. You tend to prioritize reading subs over hearing actual dialogue, and so also I think you'll fail to develop the skill of parsing real muddled and slurred and muffled and sped up together language as fast as learners who do NOT use subtitles. When I watch Chinese shows without subtitles I have a noticeably more difficult time parsing what's said, and when I watch audio dramas and audiobooks I feel a whole comprehension level Lower than I feel when reading a book. I'm years into studying and specifically working on my ability to parse speech with no reading aid, so that's what only watching with subtitles did for me lol. (Also in French, I can't comprehend listening anywhere close to how well I can read, but that's more of an example of "what happens if you study primarily through reading and ignore listening skills"). So I think while practicing reading and seeing the spelling of new words IS useful (especially if you desire to train reading skill), it's also useful to spend at least SOME time watching shows or listening to audio with no subtitles or transcript to rely on... to practice parsing the sounds.

I did find it interesting he picked up reading so quickly, after all the work on listening. I had personally hoped, that learning to read things you already know in listening, might be easier to do than learning to read Brand New words. Based on his experience, this seems true. And I'm hoping I can eventually do something similar with Japanese... have a listening skill above my reading skill, and then work on reading (but either way I plan to use reading-listening at once, so even if there's new words in reading I don't want to develop a totally wrong pronunciation guess in my head).

And then, a note about Dreaming Spanish and my personal experience with Spanish: When I actually watch the Dreaming Spanish videos, it's the Intermediate Level videos that feel correct for me - I hear some new words and can understand/guess them in the context of the video, they speak at a pace I find understandable, they're not so boring I want to tune out, they're not so difficult I feel exhausted (interestingly when I checked out Lazy Chinese the intermediate level feels easier than this but a comfortable 'easier' spot for listening skills, and Comprehensible Japanese's intermediate videos feel a bit more focus-intensive for me than Dreaming Spanish's but also provide the right amount of new stuff to learn in context). I would assume knowing some French helps A TON with comprehending Spanish, and I have read several Spanish nonfiction books and don't find trouble with nonfiction (fiction Spanish books have enough unknown words though that I do need to look things up). I did also read Madrigal's Magical Key to Spanish self-study book back in college, and do a few months of Language Transfer Spanish podcast, so I saw a couple thousand cognates and basic grammar rules from those.

Anyway... I just find it curious that the actual content Dreaming Spanish has, I don't feel Superbeginner matches me despite being a beginner overall. The Superbeginner videos do have new words for me (tall, old, eyes, head, nose, hand), with context they're immediately understandable of course. Then also: some of them sound just like French to me or like words I've heard before. Garden is jardin, like french. Apprend is learn, like french.

Another interesting thing I noticed... some Spanish accents are easier for me to parse than French. I'm not super surprised, because that summer I was focusing on Spanish in college on my own, the goal was to MAKE IT SOUND DIFFERENT than French in my head, because mentally I'd confuse spanish and french when reading. I succeeded and developed a better ear for Spanish, and a slightly better ear for French (but clearly not as much as Spanish now that I'm hearing Spanish and parsing words better than I do in French). There's a few Spanish accents that feel almost as difficult as French to parse - the JARDIN video accent, with J like a Y but a way different Y sound than the French jardin threw me off a lot. The dropping of certain letters pronunciation also confused me... I think Spanish maybe does some ll sounds as y/i sound, so maybe that's what I heard? And the 'th' sound instead of s, my ears struggled with but I was more aware to look out for that in Spain pronunciation.

Then again, who knows how much my knowledge of French was simply interfering with Spanish: making a lot of cognates way easier to understand, but making certain pronunciations harder to parse. That could be both what helped and what makes things more confusing to me.

I have no time to study Spanish or French right now, so I can't really dive into what kind of work it would take to separate French and Spanish more in my head (but apparently they do need to be more firmly separated...still, in pronunciation). But it was interesting to see that effect.

[mattnben-bennmatt]

On Inertia

In a recent podcast appearance, Ben relays how he advised Matt to only say yes to something down the line if he'd be okay with doing it the following day. Advice Matt apparently needed since he was constantly saying yes to everything, although previously in the interview he also says Matt was much better than him at saying no to parts. Ben also admits he can't follow his own advice, or he might say no to everything, as he never feels like getting off the couch.

This prompted me to reflect on the apparent contradictions both within and between them. This in turn brought to mind an anecdote from a different interview (which in an unexpected show of restraint, I'm now putting in a separate post):

But over that dinner, Damon told Affleck about The Last Duel, and at the end of the meal lent Affleck his copy of the book. “He was recently sober,” Damon recalls. “And when he’s on his game, he really sees the matrix. At seven o’clock the next morning, he called me—he had gone home and read it—and said, ‘We should write this.’ ” Affleck tells me that he had stayed up until three or four in the morning, reading. When Damon had solicited his opinion on material in the past, Affleck hadn’t always “been super-enthusiastic,” he says. This was different. “All of a sudden I had a very clear idea of: Absolutely, this is a movie, this is how we should do it. It just thrilled me. […] it just became very, very clear to me right away how it could work as a movie.” He became possessed with a great sense of urgency—“we have to do this and get it done now”—that he needed Damon to share. “He’s got a busy life, he’s all over the place,” Affleck explains, “and he frankly requires being marshaled a little bit to focus and zone in.” So Affleck laid out a plan of action: “Okay, and this is how we’re going to do it: We’re going to do four hours a day, I’m going to schedule it, I’m going to come over there…”

— From Matt Damon’s interview with GQ (September 2021).

-

I am fascinated by how, in some respects, without the other to balance them out, they seem governed by inertia: a moving Matt would remain in motion, busy and all over the place; a resting Ben would remain at rest, without getting off the couch. But then Matt comes to Ben and sparks his inspiration, sets him into motion. Ben starts "seeing the matrix", and then he becomes the force that acts on Matt: slowing down his ceaseless motion, zoning him in. And now locked in orbits of matching velocity that can create something together.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

This is the by far the least important thing from my day, but I've just got back to the Air B&B at midnight and am feeling weirdly overwhelmed and like if I think too hard about the important parts of my day (incredible city, amazing experiences at comedy and even music shows) it'll be too much. Genuinely not sure why I've come away from that with the feeling that I can't think about it too hard. It got difficult at the end of the day. But it was really really good.

Okay I think I'd like to turn off my brain by writing a report on the least important thing about the day, so. Comedian spotting. In the afternoon I saw a guy near me on the street and very, very nearly said hello to him, because my brain did that thing it does where it recognizes someone and goes "You're supposed to say hello now." I came so close to saying that before realizing of course I've not seen someone I know, I am in a foreign country, I looked slightly closer and it was Ed Night.

I'm so glad I did not accidentally say hello to Ed Night. What would I say to Ed Night? "I really liked you on Roast Battle that one time, you were so good that it almost made me stop hating myself for watching something as shit as Roast Battle. I liked you so much that I looked you up and could only find a couple of your short stand-up sets on YouTube, but I liked those a lot, and I read some stuff about what your comedy is usually like and thought it sounded great. And then for a couple of years I became weirdly beholden - weirdly because it was based on such small scraps of evidence - to the idea that you might be one of my favourite comedians if only you were famous enough for me to hear your stuff from Canada. I even braved the website Tik-Tok just to see your sketches, and I found about 75% of them funny. When you started your podcast I tried to get into it but found it actively annoying. I've sometimes thought I should give it another chance, but then I saw those clips going around Tumblr that suggest you're now famous for making Ed Gamble read pornography on a podcast, and amazingly, I have already heard another comedian make Ed Gamble do that, I don't need to hear you get in on that too. Anyway I've gotten off topic but I have dedicated a fairly prime timeslot in my Edinburgh schedule to you despite not having a whole lot to go on for my belief that I'd really like your stuff if I knew it, so please be worth it."

It's probably good that I didn't accidentally say hello to him and then end up in that conversation. Though once I looked close enough to recognize Ed Night, I realized he was hanging out with Jordan Brookes and the guy from Crizards, both of whom were in the show I saw last night. So I've had several comedian sightings but always of the same few people. Until the very end of the day, that is, when Rhys Nicholson sat behind me during Lou Wall's show.

I am too tired and possibly burned out on thinking about art to write about the actual shows. I saw everything that was on my schedule today. All were at least good, most were great. I was joking about how Emma Sidi needs to win Champion of Edinburgh this year to keep up Taskmaster's streak of having one winner per season since 13 (Bridget Christie, John Kearns, Jenny Éclair, Sam Campbell, John Robins) - that was a joke I made because Sidi is the only season 18 contestant who could theoretically do it - but having seen her show today, Jesus Christ, she fucking might. Incredible show, I thought. Kiri Pritchard-McLean nearly made me cry. I can't believe I almost failed to fit Susie McCabe into my schedule because that was such a strong hour - better than last year, I think, and I booked this one because I liked her 2023 show so much - I'd hate to have missed it. Okay that's all I've got. Very big day and very busy and at least I'm doing it in reasonable weather.