#it sounds correct in my head
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that whole "do you fantasize about killing me" convo.
will replying yes SO quickly in a much quieter tone than his more angry, assertive tone before. HIS MOUTH TREMBLING BEFORE WHISPERING "WITH MY HANDS", CLEARLY THINKING ABOUT IT. BRO WAS ABOUT TO BUST
#dancy and his amazing skills at blurring the lines of hatred and sexuality cuz what the fuck#that whole convo is insane#and even tho i havent watched the show in a while i have that scene printed into my head clearly#the obvious and most logical answer is that was anger and hatred bursting through the seems. the logical answers starts to sound a bit#carnal when you remember will enjoys killing bad guys...........................#and now which does he hate more. hannibal and doing will absolutely wrong or how much he wants to do it and how much he likes it. hm#i misspelled seams ignore that i am on mobile and do NOT want to play with rewriting a hashtag and moving it in the correct order#its 7am im gonna go pass out again#nbc hannibal#will graham#hannibal lecter#hannigram#text post#rumaiq rambles
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#dragon age has been inclusive of queer and trans people from the very beginning#i dont understand how they had to do it in the most immersion breaking#beat you over the head condescending way possible#if i corrected someone on my pronouns and they started doing pushups about it to signal that theyre a good person I would be mortified#Also taashs mom was literally accepting and curious about their identity why did they have to yell at her like she wasnt????#like to go from oh okay in our culture you would be aqunathlok to WHY AM I NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU sounds like they skipped some dialogue#or this was a trans writers personal fantasy and they should really seek therapy about that#because the way it is done now makes us trans folks look like assholes nobody is gonna make you do pushups for using the wrong pronouns#bioware what the fuck is this#bioware critical#veilguard critical#dragon age
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sometimes i make myself sad thinking about the kvthm fallout text is lyrics from "who knew" by p!nk
open for better quality | no reposts
#kaveh#alhaitham#kavetham#genshin impact#genshin#fanart#myart#comic#this is your timely reminder that i hc alhaitham as deaf!!#the council (which consists of my friend and i) has decided that alhaitham has been pining since his akademiya days#whereas kaveh was unaware of alhaitham's feelings and did not reciprocate until much later#yk when you listen to a song when you're younger and you like how it sounds but when you're older the lyrics hit harder#that's what happened here#and i thought oh wow this song fits them so well#smth about alhaitham thinking he was correct and realizing later that being correct wasn't the important thing#and the hc that kaveh really did say out loud 'i regret ever becoming friends with you' from his character story#two students who stood out in their respective fields thinking they'd be together forever#only to have a messy fallout before submitting their thesis#(they are together forever dw the kvthm in my head is fine and well)
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Strangely Cladded Wizards
#my art#my ocs#character design#Fun Fact: They're all based on types of jackets :}#Feel free to guess which; If you are correct it means I've done my job well if not I have more work to do...#Just wanted to do some simple character concepts and go these guys!!#To me it's rather simple to design a wizard#Pointed hat/cloak and a focous on the hand and already you have that iconic imagery#That being said designing possible staff/tools for these does sound fun hehe#As for possible magic systems: The fabric/material of the cloak would effect the magic in question#Fire magic from a silk cloak would be more calm and tamable/fire from leather would be slow moving and harder to put out#That's just from the top of my head through. Perhaps in the future I'll give them a proper expansion
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Spoiler Warning: Meaning of the Name Yudrain
Yudrain roughly translates to "the beginning and the end," which can be interpreted as "forever."
Kishiar is an Alpha (first letter of the Greek alphabet; the beginning)
Yuder is an Omega (last letter of the Greek alphabet; the end)
If there is no Kishiar who gave Yuder a new name in the beginning, then there is no Yuder who harbors feelings for him and decides to save him in the end.
The beginning and the end.
Just like how two halves make a whole, how two ends of a thread make a circle, two people are needed to make the word "forever" meaningful.
Take what you will of this.
#it sounds better in my head#so many sleepless nights high on webnovels made me like this#either I start crying or hallucinating or I do both#both is good#turning bl#turning novel#turning bl novel#turning rambles#turning meta#turning bl meta#KishiYuder#idk their correct ship name#Kishiar La Orr#Yuder Aile#Yudrain Aile#turning
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I feel like I should probably put it here as well:

#it started yesterday when i woke it feeling like my body was vibrating in the most uncomfortable way#later i couldnt sit down without feeling alienated from my own flesh#today i found tears in my eyes i didnt know i'd been shedding for wearing a crop top#so i changed into a more gender neutral shirt#and i still feel awful#plus i fear being way too hot in a few hours (its a long sleeve)#my voice sounds horrid to my ears as well#and trying to correct it makes me light headed in the 'might cause a headache' way#i hate this#never would wish a bad dysphoria day on my worst enemy#if it gets too bad i might ask for random asks or find a question meme later#micahs thoughts#transgender#transmasc#gender dysphoria
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i dont usually tell people my pronouns unless they specifically ask and i also dont correct people . however i do refer to myself with masculine terms with such confidence that either they start using he/him for me or their hesitation is much more audible
#boycritter et al#if i sound completely confident and casual when i refer to myself as a man#even if i look and sound the way i do#it usually overrides the gender assignment theyve given me in their heads#its kind of hilarious#also i havent corrected anyone on my pronouns in three years. ive found that theyll misgender me either way and it stings more#if ive actually told them#i actively avoid saying my pronouns in pronoun circles like everyone knows im a faggot anyways. no need to spell it out.
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frickin shite that was the worst small group I've ever been to in my life
#the eisegesis made me want to rattle out of my bones in frustration#got corrected for trying to cross-reference because ''we only stick to our one passage'' and nearly fucking cried about it#I PHYSICALLY CANNOT NOT CROSS-REFERENCE SCRIPTURE#not only is it a shitty hermeneutical process but it's also just Not How My Brain Works!!#y'all have seen me crossreference on this blog it isn't just the Bible! I can't Not crossreference things to save my life#and I basically got (admittedly she was trying to be kind about it) corrected in front of the entire group of 20somethings#and the couple that leads it are so PARTICULAR and nitpicky and it has to be done their way or you're gonna get corrected#my first introduction to her was her coming up to me while I was working the sound booth and telling me about something#wrong with my production setup that I KNEW ABOUT and WAS AND STILL AM NOT ABLE TO CHANGE#(our camera for livestreams doesn't have a high enough mount and I don't have space to extend it higher so we catch the tops#of people's heads in the camera shot)#and the girl I went bc I want to get to know her better WASNT EVEN THERE#I spent the entire time trying not to cry or look at anyone#I need to find a different small group... sorry all the kids my age were nice but I can't handle the structure or leaders#Lu rambles#adulthood woes
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tentatively concluding I’ve won my first Internet argument
#ppl really out here thinking people can reliably distinguish sounds from behind or in front while their heads are still#no thank you; I’m correct and you’re wrong actually#you only have two ears! two points is a LINE#when your head is still you can only tell left from right sounds#though the physical shape/presence of your ears affords an opportunity for some to spatialize audio pretty darn reliably#as the ears change the sound just the least little bit differently back from front#still most of your spatializing abilities IF PRESENT rely on free head movement!#I win. I cited a meta study and didn’t get a back-at. That’s my victory.#fucking audio dunces… tremble before the might of my having read something I sort of remember one time
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you know it’s bad when you’ve been parenting yourself for years because you have no one in your household to truly idolize or that keeps you in check like a normal family member should do
#soullxsss13#oftentimes my parents say the wrong things or they encourage the wrong things so I just correct myself in my head but it’s hard#like my parents never make me practice my instrument and my mom literally applauds me for not bringing my instrument home on certain days#because she hates the sound—a clarinet’s too loud for her ig#so it’s difficult to keep myself in check with my band assignments causing me to struggle with my instrument for years#this is the same with hobbies because whenever I mention not having hobbies my parents yell at me#and say that I should just sit in front of the tv and watch a movie or something#because according to them there are no hobbies that can’t be done without a screen#which is really discouraging and I’m really trying to find a hobby that will prove them wrong#tw vent#tw parental neglect#tw parental issues
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u have a literal pronunciation key on ur blog for the letters in your url and i can’t believe my brain still keeps calling u orb bitch
oh thats not a pronunciation key i was just spelling each letter phonetically (o = oh, r = ar, b = be, etc.) because i thought it was funny. orb-bitch IS actually how it’s pronounced lmfao
#idk how to explain its pronunciation its like just. like it’s pronounced exactly how youd think#but when i say it it sounds like orbitch#so like you are correct lmfao dont worry#like if you just randomly added a ch sound to the end of the word orb. LIKE IDK. it IS orbitch truly…#im just babbling#OH MY GOD and ALSO i am the absolute worst about that#i will pronounce usernames in my head just laughably wrong so dont worry#who knows .. i may even be doing it to same of yall on here…. ooOOOoooo…..
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Okay so I've been thinking about baldurs gate 3 like... a lot, and my escapist urges have come up with a concept of an isekai'd tav. Basically like a GOO patron approaches some person from our world and is like super upfront about wanting the crown of karsus and in turn will do whatever. This sends the tav to bg3, and bada Bing bada boom they are the custom origin.
Now a tav that would know the game is just like "the pact I have with my patron allows me to see some shit about possible future events" yknow to disguise the fact they are from a different world, which leads to stuff like "so in the future, there might be a shape shifter, so uh... we should make like a code for that I think?"
And the other concept what barraged me was who the guardian would appear to be. Like sure its based off of someone we'd be inclined to trust, so that should mean like a friendly face. Well... hear me out... Danny DeVito???
#yall i was typing up this post and karsus auto corrected to kansas#the crown of karsus? no#the crown of kansas? yes.#tav#bg3#bg3 tav#idk this sounded better in my head#if you have any isekai fics that are good abt bg3 plz send them my way ����🙏🙏
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Me right now: "The Smitten is just like me for real."
Like???? I hope not??????
#lile god i hope he isn't??? i hope I'm not like that???#...ok i do be like that to a degree i can't lie#like haha i understand your intense need to die a great death for someone you love and your preoccupation with the chase but not the result#and your immense disregard for yourself as a person which leads you to or perhaps is the consequence of transforming into a tool#a role and an object but it's never enough is it and you'll never be enough will you? and the clock on the wall it keeps on ticking#and you repeat 'this is how it's supposed to be'. and if you look inside yourself you will see that there is no yourself to look in.#if you look inside yourself you will find a shadow in the body of someone else#like ah boy just like me you subscribe to the Folk story but there is no curtain to roll when the dragon is slain#you get the girl and what then? if you don't die then what then? maybe if you destroy yourself enough you will achieve something#maybe if you tear your chest open the curtains will fall. otherwise the only thing left is 'what am i supposed to do?'#the one thing that I pray we don't have in common is his tendency to make caricatures of people in his head#like uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh i hope i don't do that.#which reminds me kinda funny how people were giving him way more slack when just Dam//sel existed. like i disliked him more back then#because The Da//msel is VISCERALLY horrifying to me. cannot stress how physically nauseous the chapter makes me#which might sound ironic considering I'm the biggest pioneer of 'boooo if anyone ever gets to know the real me I'm packing my bags#and leaving. nobody is allowed to interpret me the correct way. if you know me you don't. i hope you misunderstand every word i say.'#but i see a very thick line between not understanding me and between making up an idealised smooth harmless caricature of me#that you attempt to shove me into. like. the song The Projectionist by Aurelio Voltaire is what I'm referring to#and that's horrifying to me. like ah no not again please. a few times in my life was enough.#I'd say that simply 'not understanding' is Spec//tre and TPA//TD. And those routes are depressing#but not horrifying. they're like 'haha oh god that's me. don't mind my tears.' but Dam//sel is like...genuine horror. to me.#and HA//E actually made my opinion of Smi//tten better because like no no I get him. I also get H//AE Prin//cess. like haha that's me. ow.#Like haha girl the way you are incapable of saying the words 'i want' and cannot bear to say what you feel or think because you aren't#supposed to; it isn't what you should do; you should cave in and make others happy; don't you WANT to make others happy and who#gave you the right to even want something anyway; well it reminds me of the mirror in my house
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#personal shit below the tags#just venting about getting dragged into high school drama as an adult#which is my fault because i help coach a high school dance team#long story short my best friend is moving out of the state and won't be coaching next year#and is trying to set it up so i take over as head coach#but she was talking to two of the kids about it today to give them a preliminary heads up and#they straight up said that if the current assistant coach gets the job#none of the team will be going back#but that if i get the job everyone will come back#this grown ass woman has thought i've been trying to take her assistant coach job all year#when i have been perfectly happy as a volunteer#and this whole thing was extremely validating and such a bummer all at once because like#i just won't engage with the drama she's been trying to bring and it bums me out that the kids have noticed it#i've been trying really hard to stay professional in front of them and thought i was doing a good job#i HAVE been doing a good job#but the captain knows what i'm like as a coach because i was her head coach her freshman year and so she's noticed the difference in me#so yeah incredibly validating because every time i've been down this year about this#i've been like 'they know which of us is here for THEM and not the STATUS'#and it turns out i was correct this whole time#they DO know and they have been feeling it which is the last thing i wanted for them#so yeah validating and a bummer all at once#we'll find out within the next couple weeks if i will still be coaching next year#every time i vent about this i feel like i'm trying to sound like i have the moral high ground#it gives me the ick about myself
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i am pretty excited for the miku nt update early access tomorrow. the demonstrations have sounded pretty solid so far and tbh i am super intrigued by the idea of hybrid concatenative+ai vocal synthesis, i wanna see what people doooo with it. show me it nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
#im assuming it'll be out sometime in japanese afternoon time. but i will be asleep so i have to wait until tomorrow <3#but im so intrigued....... synthv did a different thing a bajillion years ago where they like#trained ai voicebanks off of their concatenative data? it never went anywhere because of quality issues?#but i still think theres some potential in that. and i think nt2 might be the first commercial release thats#sample based with ai assistance? correct me if im wrong though i could be forgetting stuff#but i dunno.... im intrigued.... i would love to see another go at kaito in theory#BUT crypton is like afraid of his v1 hint of chest voice so i dunno how much id like the direction theyre going in#and that really is my biggest issue with later versions of kaito he's like all nasal#like the opposite issue genbu has LOL genbus all chest no head#(smacks phone against the pavement gif)#although all chest is easier to deal with because if i want a hiiiiint of a nasal-y heady tone i can fudge it with gender#plus he has those secret falsetto phonemes. the secret falsetto phonemes.#its harder to make a falsetto-y voice sound chestier with more warmth than the other way around#people can do pretty wonderful things with kaito v3 and sp though. but i still crave that v1 HJKFLDSJHds#but yeah i dunno! i imagine they wont bother with new NTs for the other guys after miku v6 but i would be curious#i am still not personally sold on v6 in general yet. but maybe vx will change that LOL#the future of vocal synthesizers is so exciting..... everything is happening all the time
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i love looking at people's aesthetic tags because theres usually some sort of theme going on
#moodboard is the one most important tag on my acc bc thats the one i like looking at again and again#milk (normal)#i feel very alienated from the world and people most of the time and i don't think anyone or anything can change that#but im also getting better at feeling at peace with it and accepting that i don't really belong being okay with that is important to me#so i like brutalist buildings and things that are overtly like hey you don't belong and im like *nods* i know but i am just visiting#i am just peeking my head in and i will be on my way in a bit but you are gorgeous i love how you hate me#i know this sounds very depressing and it is sometimes but its also kind of freeing in a way to give up yknow and not have to try#-to force extroversion or to try and fake emotions and caring that isn't there and just sorta exist in an area#where im not being held to human standards and scrutiny#idk i am very apathetic about stuff in general it's been this way since i was a baby and ive decided to start embracing it instead of#-thinking of it as a moral or social failing that i have to correct#anyways thats a whole essay hope u guys get what i mean.#yeah im doing alright
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