#it sorta felt weird to not even get a chance to talk to her about it
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months ago
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AITA for telling someone my friend got back together with their mutual ex?
(sorry for the vague title, it’s a complicated situation and it’s hard to explain in one sentence. this happened a few years ago but i’m very curious about if i was in the wrong, ages reflect how old everyone was at the time and all names are changed)
i (18f) am in a friend group of 5 people, and we’re all very close and have been for years. two members of this group were Charlie (18m) and Kilo (18f). Charlie and Kilo were secretly dating for about a year, but despite it being a secret they were in a serious relationship (said they loved each other, talked about their future together, etc). after around 6 months of dating Kilo, Charlie started to get close with Sierra (16f), who was not a member of our friend group but we were all friends with her. Charlie told Sierra that he and Kilo were having sex but that it wasn’t serious, which was a lie. Charlie and Sierra started dating while he was still with Kilo, and he told Sierra that he and Kilo had stopped seeing each other while also telling Kilo that he and Sierra were just friends. eventually he actually broke things off with Kilo, then told the rest of our friend group that he and Sierra were now dating. this obviously upset Kilo, who had been suspicious about Sierra for their whole relationship, and she facetimed the rest of our group and told us that she and Charlie had been secretly dating for the past year, and he had cheated on her with Sierra. eventually Kilo told Sierra the truth, and Sierra broke up with Charlie because he lied to her. 
then a lot happened but the basics are: Kilo is a very kind person and forgave Charlie and we all started being friends again, Sierra was still friendly with all of us but she had her own friends so she sorta moved on, and this was in 2020 so the pandemic happened about a month later so it was a very emotional & lonely time for everyone. im a little fuzzy on the details at this part but during the pandemic Sierra and Charlie started talking again, but then Sierra stopped talking to him and started dating someone else a few weeks later. then Charlie and Kilo started talking again
that was a lot of context but heres where i got involved: Charlie and Kilo didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes they had made the first time they dated, so once they started officially dating again, they told our friend group. i was honestly pretty pissed that they were back together because i was still mad at Charlie for cheating on Kilo (she was one of my best friends so i was mad that he hurt her), and because i had just talked to Sierra the week prior and she told me that the two of them had been talking before she broke things off with him again, so i felt like Kilo was his backup choice after he couldnt be with Sierra so i was pissed at him. 
so i texted Sierra and told her that Kilo and Charlie were dating again. the part that might make me the asshole here is that i texted her about 30 seconds after they told me, so Kilo didn’t even have a chance to talk to Sierra before i told her. that night, Sierra texted Kilo to basically tell her that it was a stupid idea that they were dating again, meanwhile Charlie was texting Sierra about how she broke his heart (it was super weird and to this day i don’t know if Kilo knows that Charlie was texting her that night). Kilo reached out to me and asked if i told Sierra, and i said yes. Kilo got mad at me for getting involved and said i shouldve stayed out of it, i said that Sierra had a right to know, and also that Charlie didn’t deserve a second chance.
AITA for telling Sierra that Kilo and Charlie were back together?
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gacha-every · 1 year ago
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Hey, I got a carefree movie review for ya! :D
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What kind of review? Oh, well, just from someone who loves fun entertainment, gud characters, and plots! Not really a strict critic but just someone who loves any gud movies that are able to energize my inner child
So if you're also into that, feel free to read my future posts! Or even recommend some movies to me
Anyway, this is my first posted review but I always looked forward to doing this ever since, and it has increased after watching Under The Boardwalk that has recently came out but is unfortunately not given much chances of being seen
BUT ANYWAY, I just watched a new movie, and it's Sahara!!!
It's not really new tho, at least I think so, I actually have seen this before on MovieHD buuut it's in a different language, so I couldn't fully watch it
But today, on Netflix, I'm now able to! And, uhm... I give it a 6/10
The animation is great, especially with how fluid the snakes move (especially especially when they dance! DANCE! They have DANCING SNAKES, people! Fun!), alrighty characters and their design, it's quite funny, and fun in it's own way(?), has quite a gud atmosphere too I guess
But, I didn't really understand the story lol especially the love department
The set up felt sorta Romeo and Juliet, which I like, I mean, Under The Boardwalk has that plotline and I heavily enjoyed it >W< but this one didn't really had... Uhh, proximity with our love interests?
It was gud at first, how the introduction was set up with our characters and their world, especially the part when Ajar and Eva disguised as each other's species which for some reason itched my brain right when they first met... But that was kinda it
They then sorta left their homes and then it went from Romeo and Juliet to Finding Nemo? Because Eva got captured and then Ajar is determined to rescue her, like bruh, you don't even know her???
I was honestly routing Ajar and Gary (Eva's brother) more, and Eva and the uhh white snake lady instead, to be honest with you XD
Because Ajar and Gary had the adventure that I thought was gonna happen between Ajar and Eva (oh and there was also Pitt, Ajar's scorpion friend that sorta... tagged along... same as Gary but he was basically kidnapped lol)
Ajar and Gary had to spend time together, same as for Eva and White Snake (sort of), and yet the main two snakes – that barely talked to each other for more than two minutes in the beginning and then meet again at the end being all swooned that one of 'em sacrificed their body and energy for someone they barely know – are the LOVE INTERESTS?!
But hey at least the ending's sorta funny
I also didn't mention the antagonist yet •>• it's just a human guy that hypnotizes snakes with a flute like blingin' Pide The Piper, he's the one that makes the snakes dance or dance fight, fun! :D
He's sorta creepily intimidating, but in the end his creepiness leveled up but in a weird way ;-; I mean, bruh, he was consistently managing to chase down Ajar to get his flute back DURING A BLINGIN' SAND STORM?! All while jumping on buildings and stuff yet managed to just pop up in front of Ajar out of nowhere?! HOW DOES THAT NOT TERRIFY AND/OR CONFUSE YOU?!
Overall tho, I was entertained, but didn't feel entirely fulfilled - so I watched Back To The Outback to make me feel better (I already seen it, but in case you're wondering, I give that movie an 8/10)
But if you want a Movie where you don't have to care too much about the characters and environment, and just watch amazingly animated snakes dance or go on an adventure, then Sahara is for you! :D
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foxluvrz · 1 month ago
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11/19/24:
algebra: okay so i dont remember a lot from this morning except already before classes even started, 🦔 seemed in a much better mood today and was pretty friendly towards me, as well as two of my friends i was with at the time; p and e. thiugh, this i felt sort of bad about but it was absolutely hilarious in the moment is that my friend L was running late and she had gone home sick the day before, so 🦔 assumed she wouldn't be here today; but she did end up coming in before he took attendance. but as he was taking attendance he wss like, "so no L today, right? she went home early yesterday" and like me, p, AND L all like agreed with him thinking he was joking around because he does that alot, turns iut he WASN't and when he stood up to start class he sootted her and had to go back to fix it😭 it was actually hilarious but yeah. another thing that 🦔 did today that was actually awesome and i love him for is the fact that he gave us each numbers to put us into griups, but he counted a specific way so that L and i would be put into the same group even though we sit right next to eachother.. which is honestly pretty epic of him. a small thing though that happened while he was counting us into groups is when he reached me to count "5", he like pushed down sort of hard on my shoulder cause he was directly next to me standing up, and i dont know. it wasnt necessarily like a "harder" push, but like it was more forced pressure rather than just a light tap on my shoulder and i dont know, is it strange i didnt really back down/away from it? i've wrote a multitude of times about how nervous i am to be around him or in his presence, but i think that if i'm like sat down, i feel a lot more comfortable for some strange reason. i think it's because i feel more secure without the chance of like stumbling or something. i really dont wanna say something wack like "the more 🦔 touches me the more comfortable i become" because that honestlt sounds so weird both in and out of context, but like, i guess it's trye in a way?.. i know me standing next to him is scary, but when he like taps me or like comes in ever so slight contact with me on purpose, i don't feel as much fear as i should at all. also another thing is my ex bestfriend C like talked back to him or something during a game we were playing (honestly yeah she's sort of bitchy and like idk rbf personality tbh) and he like had her go iut in the hallway with him at the end of class and like asked her why she had such negativity towards him, which i dont believe she actually does; she just comes across that way and didnt mean it as talking back; so i sorta feel bad.
lunch: okay so this stuff specifically happened during lunch when me, R, and later V/J were in 🐢's room. basically, 🐢 is a d1 HATER of pokemon sun and moon series, as well as like the entire ides of ash and like all his pokemon. 🐢 believes that the only purpose of pokemon is to battle and evolve them, and if they dont/wont evolve, you should just get rid of them. and it was silly because we were talking about like what i thought the point of it was which i answered "idk, creating a bond slash friendship" which let me tell you🐢 DISAGREES HEAVILY with that.. uhm but yeah!! we talked abt pokemon lots more and how 🐢 seems like the tyoe to abuse his pokemon to which HE ADMITTED TO?? and then we went to the tipic of how its crazy that the parents in pokemon let their kids just go out ariund the world with strangers and pokemon and idek😭 this next bit was small and i dont remember it exactly but it was silly, 🐢 said something about something being *insert adjective* and i turned to R and like said something about it and then like nudged my head towards 🐢 motioning that the adj described him more then anything and when 🐢 that he thought i was saying R was it so he went "woah!! now we know what 👽 really thinks of R" to which i was like "oh yeah.. definitelyyy talking about R rn.." staring intensely at him to tell him i was talking about HIM and not R and i think/hope he got it because he started laughing at it a bit😭😭 anyways i let R try some of my tomato soup and he didnt put the lid all the way back on so some of it spilt on the table so i grabbed the crappy like brown oaper towels because that's all i could see and freaking 🐢 was joking abt it and i was like "these dont soak up ANYTHING bro." and he said "well yeah, theyre not mesnt to soak up soup" SHUT UPPP‼️‼️THIS MAN IS LITERALLY MY BIGGEST OP./j. anyways he told me where normal paper towels were after like FOREVER. and idk exactly but i think i threw something and missed terribly? But 🐢 said "wow 👽, no wonder you dont do any sports." WHAT. THIS MAN JUST CALLED ME UNATHLETIC WHAT DID I DO TO HIM. it was rlly funny and i made it worse because i tried throwing something at my friend and msised horribky and i was like "I SWEAR I DID SOFTBALL." and he was like "and how long ago was that?" and i answered "..i dont wanna answer that.." to which he asked "and did you actually throw the ball or did u pick at dandelions" AND I ACTUSLLY DID THROW THE BALL. And i said that and he seemed suprised asf😭 anyways there was a teensy bit more squabble but yeah and at the end i was like "hey 🐢, has anyone told yiu you're very unkind?" and he was like "yeah actually a lot of people have" DAMN. The grinch fr i fear💔 ALSO HES LETTING ME PAINT ONE OF THE LIKE FANBLADES IN HIS CLASSROOM ON THE CEILING FAN SO YIPPEE‼️‼️
i love 🐢 he's my dad pretty much😋
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loststarphounix · 1 year ago
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Soudam Week Day 2 - Even
A/N: I had a fic that fits this prompt that I was working on, so this is longer due to me using it for the prompt lol More of my ‘Kazuichi can too bake/cook” headcanon propaganda!
It all started because Kazuichi got cornered.
Apparently, he was still somehow obligated to give his “friends” from middle school free shit and unlimited access to his classmates when he got accepted into Hope’s Peak Academy. It didn’t matter to them if they had dumped him as a friend first - it was the principal of the matter.
More like bruised pride in his humble opinion, but who asked him?
He had already accepted his fate when he tried to lose them by making a mad dash out of the shopping center, panic lacing through his veins he heard the familiar, passive aggressive tone of his once best friend demand he come over to “talk”. Kazuichi lived with an abusive father longed enough to know that “talk” doesn’t actually mean a conversation.
It didn’t take them long to corner him in a back alley, and their ire and indignation wasn’t much a surprise when he continued to deny them of they thought was theirs. 
What was surprising, though, was that someone stopped them when they started beating him.
Kazuichi didn’t know when or where Gundham came from, but one moment he was on the ground curled up as three guys circled overhead, and the next they were all pulled away and fighting the breeder. It was honestly so surreal that all he could do was watch as the taller teen moved and fought with the motions of someone who’s fought for years. And being bombarded by 6 foot something of rabid animosity wasn’t something his old “friends” weren’t prepared for.
They didn’t last long and by the time the mechanic struggled to get on his knees, the three were already running off, their half assed threats lingering in the stink filled air. Kazuichi watched as the other breathed harshly, took in the leather long coat that the other stupidly refused to take off but somehow didn’t even have a tear in, stretch with each haggard breath. 
When the other turned towards him, he flinched at the dark look in his mismatched eyes and the bit of blood at the corner of his lip. The dark look fell away at his wince, being replaced with barely concealed concern.
“Mortal?” Gundham asked and fuck even his voice sounded like it went a couple rounds.
Kazuichi scrambled to get on his feet and the speed of which he did it made his feet away dangerously for a second, “Why did you do that!?” He hissed. “They could’ve beaten you to a pulp!”
“Such a queer way of giving thanks to your Overlord. If I had not intervened, you would have surely perished.”
“W-whatever!“ the blush that burned hot on the shorter teens cheeks distracted him from the weird fluttering the goth gave and he shakily stalked passed him and out the alley, ignoring the other’s indigent calls.
As he semi limped back to the academy, Kazuichi vowed to put it behind him. But now, almost two days later and it was all he could think about. It hung over his head like a dark cloud, circling back and forth between the start of the fight and the look of concern. Not many people were ever concerned for him. So few even showed it.
It…it made the fluttering in his stomach grow and he didn’t know how he felt about it.
So, to get the feelings of guilt to leave him alone, he decided to do something about it. He would make something as a sorta thanks sorta sorry gift that Gundham couldn’t refused!
And who would ever say no to homemade baked goods? 
Kazuichi decided that his first step was talking to Sonia. She knew Gundham better than anyone in their class, and they’ve been having a sorta good relationship now. He knew he didn’t have a chance with her and she knew he was genuinely trying to be her friend. She wouldn’t fail him in his mission in making Gundham something!
The next day, he approached her after class and the princess was surprised he came up to her for anything other than the fake flirting they usually do, then became suspicious of his motives before declaring that she would oversee his baking to ensure that he wasn’t trying to poison the Dark Overlord. 
Which, ok fair but also really fucking insulting because he wouldn’t just tamper with someone’s food. Tamper with the supply chain maybe - make sure it never arrives at the destination- but not full out tainting it. He’s not Hiyoko.
But at least she agreed to help and that had to mean something, didn’t it? He didn’t act clinging, didn’t break out into song or tap dancing down the halls. He just simply thanked her and set a time Friday evening when Teruteru wouldn’t be there and they parted ways. And it was pleasant too! They’ve come a long way from first year!
 So he found it a bit rude to then be immediately ambushed and interrogated by his so called best friends, who demanded to know what he was doing bothering Sonia now. 
Which, fair again but rude. And after pleading his case while ducking punches from a angry yakuza, the two decide that too will join in on this “baking” to ensure he doesn’t “fuck this up”.
And that’s how he found himself in the kitchen, kneading dough with Sonia sitting in a chair opposite him; Hajime hovering by his shoulder and Fuyuhiko leaning against a wall.
With a spread of options in front of him, Kazuichi decided to get down to business.
“A cake would be too much, so a dozen cookies will have to do. What about filling, though? Like - does his Iceness have a favorite flavor?” He asked Sonia, who seemed to take the question seriously as she hummed distractedly. “There’s chocolate - that’s always a popular one. Or vanilla or red bean? Maybe peaches and cream? If he likes bitter or tart stuff, maybe the matcha or citrus…”
“Gundham’s tastes are not all that different from yours - though his is much more moderate.” Sonia commented, “He is particularly fond of angel’s fruit!”
Kazuichi blinked.
“Angel’s fruit?”
“It’s another name for papaya.” Hajime piped up, looking up from his phone.
“Never done papaya filling before…” A contemplative look settles on the mechanic’s face, fingers tapping on the marble surface. “Shouldn’t be too hard though. You guys are gonna have to be my tasters, though.”
Sonia clapped her hands together in excitement. “Splendid! I’ll get the papayas!” 
As she hurried over to the pantry, Kazuichi’s attention fixated on the recipe. The cookie base was simple enough, but the recipe for the filing was strawberry jame and he had no idea how to portion for the papaya. It’s gonna be a challenge.
Fuyuhiko saddled up beside him and he jumped. He forgot the other was even in there with them, he’d been unusually quiet since they first entered the kitchen. Turning to face the blond, he began to squirm under the scrutinizing gaze.
“W-what?” He muttered, ducking his head. Fuyuhiko shook his head, amazement coloring his tone.
“Nothing. Just can’t believe you were actually serious about this shit.”
Kazuichi huffed as he reached for the flour and mixing bowl. “You’re one to talk. You didn’t have shit about that mousse I made you last month!”
He watched somewhat amused as his friends eyes widen and he sputtered. “That was you!?? I had Peko help me look for the bakery you mentioned! Motherfucker you lead me on a goosechase!”
“You acted like I was lying about making Akane that cake once! Even after she said I did it, you still didn’t believe me!”
“Come on! I can’t see you being a mechanic and a fucking baker!”
“But I’m supposed to believe you can be yakuza and a nice guy and have the biggest sweet tooth I’ve ever seen!?”
“He’s gotcha there.” Hajime commented from his position by the pantry, a bag of sugar in his hands.
Opening his mouth as if to object, the yakuza heir froze. Turning away with he huff, he crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring their snickering.
“Both of you bastards shut the fuck up.”
“If we are quite done!” Sonia chirped, placing several oblong greenish fruit on the counter. “We are on a tight schedule.”
“You’re right.” Ignoring the amused look Hajime threw at him, Kazuichi grabbed an apron and tied it behind his back.
It was time to start baking.
——
Gundham opened his door and blinked.
After nearly three days of no contact, he found Kazuichi standing outside his realm, holding out a surprisingly well wrapped rectangle.
“Here.” The mechanic shoved the small box closer to his face. It made the taller reel back in surprise.
“What is the meaning of this!?” He demanded, his voice raising in surprise before he composed himself. “Have you decided to try to vanquish the great Gundham Tanaka? It will take more than mere tricks to fall a demon as powerful as I!”
The shorter teen sputtered and his affronted face made the breeder pause as he slammed the box into the others chest. The force behind it made him slightly breathless, but he tried to not show it. And if his cheeks tinted a bit at the contact, he tried to ignore it.
“There thanks for the other day!” Kazuichi replied, his face as bright as his hair as his eyes skittered away. “Now we’re even!”
And without another word, he scurried away, leaving Gundham holding the wrapped box against his chest. Looking down, he gently tugged the ribbon until it opened up and revealed small cookies, each filled with an orange yellow centered.
“Confectioneries?” He picked one up and examined it closely.
Scoffing, he placed it back into the box and returned to his dorm. How preposterous.
—-
Apparently, he had made them from scratch.
Sonia had explained that to him later in the afternoon, when she came for their daily demonic training. She proudly stated how she supervised the whole thing and even had took a few for herself and her girlfriends.
”Who knew Souda-Kun was such a wonderful baker!” Sonia exclaimed, taking a dainty bite from one she brought from her own dorm. “How have you found them? Is the papaya too much?”
Gundham shook his head. ”I have yet to consume them. I had assumed that the Tamer of Machines had done something untoward to them.”
He glanced at his desk where the box rested and Sonia hummed.
”Well, be sure to have some and tell me what you think!”
Once their training had concluded and she had left, Gundham decided to have just one of the small cookies. If Sonia, Hajime and Fuyuhiko all saw the mechanic make them, then surely they haven’t been tampered with.
‘What can one truly hurt?’ 
He took a bite and was surprised at how delicious it was. Flavorful, but not too overpowering, with just the right amount of crispness. And the jam was tart but sweet. A perfect melody of flavors.
Gundham was surprised how delicious the tiny cookie was and found himself grabbing one more, before going out to preform him duties at the academy’s farm.
—-
The cookies were gone in less than two days.
Gundham could not believe how much his cursed body enjoyed them - let alone to the point that they were consumed at such a rate. Usually he was very sparing in his intake of junk food - most went bad before he’d even make a dent to it. 
He didn’t even notice that he ate almost the entire bag, until his fingers only grazed against one single treat. The lone survivor. 
Now he was sitting at his desk, holding the small round cookie up to the light as if he held all the secrets in the universe.
Madness. That had to be the answer.
“What potion has the Mechanical Tamer drenched these treats to enthrall a demon? Surely he is more crafty a mortal than I previously suspected. I shall keep this one to examine it’s contents!”
The cookie soon joined its fallen brethren two hours later.
Gundham decided that he must have more of those demonic delicacies. He needed to know what components combined to ensure him so throughly. But how to acquire them?
He decided to interrogate the answers out of Hajime, the mechanic’s greatest companion, but was met with less than stellar results.
“You could probably just ask? Kaz usually has me taste test stuff a lot of the time.”
Preposterous!
Surely he could get them another way.
Luckily, an opportunity arose when Kazuichi had been transporting some kind of heavy machinery. And Nagito just so happened to be nearby and caused a blowback of bad luck.
He acted quickly and rescued the mechanic just before the machinery slammed against a wall. He held onto the other tightly, feeling the shorter hearts beat hard against his own chest.  Hands gripped the back of his leather jacket and warmth spread from his chest up his neck.
“Holy shit!” Kazuichi cried out, pushing away slightly to look at the broken mangle of parts scattering the floor. “I could’ve been wall pizza!”
“What a vivid picture your mind conjures.” He murmured, making the pink hair teen look back up to him.
The surprise and wonder that shone in those rose colored eyes made his heart speed up. 
“You just waiting in the wings to save my life or what?” The mechanic whispered and the tone made the warmth creep up Gundham’s neck.
“Hardly. However, I do expect some kind of compensation for sparing you such a gruesome fate.” Feeling brave, he made sure to keep eye contact with the other as he continued, “Perhaps another batch of your intoxicating confectioneries?”
Kazuichi looked slightly dazed, before a radiant smile split across his face. Gundham had to admit, that it was pleasant to gaze upon.
“It’s only fair. Maybe we can just skip you saving me next time?”
Years go by, and Gundham will find ways to get rewarded with Kazuichi’s papaya cookies, even if the other will gripe about how he’ll make them for him anyway. Whenever anyone asks how he and Gundham got together, Kazuichi’s face splits into a dopey ass grin before loudly proclaiming:
“Ya know, way to a guys heart is through his stomach. He liked my pies  but stayed for my cakes!”
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yeyinde · 1 year ago
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Hi! Hope you're doing well. I just have to say that you're my favorite writer and a huge inspiration to me. Everything you write, even the small little snippets, just make me so happy.
Are you by chance still doing the WIP snippets? Cause I go feral for Jacob Seed, and when I saw you had a WIP for him I can honestly say I almost fell out of my chair.
Hiya! This is so sweet!! Thank you so much 🖤😭
Jacob Seed is one of those characters who I'd very much like to chisel open. He's so intriguing. His ideologies are so unfounded but his conviction and his reasons for them are what I find really appealing.
This is quite a deviation from what I normally do—third person, technically no reader-insert (I kindaaaaa made an OC? Oops) a bit darker (dragging me back to my slasher roots), and pulls a lot from a pseudo-religious upbringing. It is really fun to write, in theory, but is one of those fics that is mentally taxing in the sense that every piece is part of a bigger picture. Despite that, though, I could probably talk about this fic more than any others because of all the weird influences it draws from—Siken (it was originally gonna be titled war of the foxes but I felt that was a little too on the nose so I changed it to wishbone which is even more on the nose), bible mythology (in particular, the warring interpretations of Abaddon, iyjyk but also??? Abaddon and Michael, though???? 👀), and um. Cult shenanigans.
Here is a little bit about it!
He's in her head now, a sickness polluting her grey matter until it's shaded the same colour as the burning auburn around his wicked mouth. The one that splits wide, and croons about her failures, her destiny, until the rasping slur of his words are skeined tight around her gyri. Festering like a cancer she can't clove. One that sounds more like a truism each time she hears it.
Jacob has his finger on the trigger of a loaded gun with the barrel pressed tight to her cerebellum. A tool, he said. One without a master. Until now. Until him.
She can't fight him. Can't get rid of him. 
She wonders if she ever even tried.
And for some Rook x Jacob (kinda sorta but in a weird and twisted way):
Jacob doesn't give an inch even with the barrel of her Whitetailer pointed at his heart. A beat, then, where the world around her seems to shiver at the smirk he sends her way, his own hand fixed, deadly and calm, on the butt of his garish rifle. Red. 
(Of course. Of course.)
He stands on his tower, a castle of rock in the middle of the Whitetail Mountains, surrounded by unfathomable wilderness, and the broken remnants of his wolf beacons, his fallen men. His Judges. 
They lay by her feet, discarded offerings to the man who vultured her sense of self, her agency, until the person she was before all of this was lost, collateral to a war she never agreed to. She feels it sometimes, the putrefying remains of idealism and hope clawing at her skull until the tissue shreds and bleeds. Feels it like a second degree burn, a scab she can't stop picking at, and then pushes it back into its sarcophagus. It's an effigial prison in which she's both a warden and cellmate. 
It rears, now, as her patent yellow boots sink into the ribcage of a man torn to shreds by her bullets, her fists, mourning the loss of who it once was—a person of empathy and compassion. Someone who would have recoiled at the sight of viscera staining her laces, bone crunching under the soles of her feet. 
But it's gone. All she feels is annoyance. Disgust. 
They rendered it out of her. All of them pulling and tugging until bits of herself ripped apart, left behind in their regions, in their hands. Faith holds her belief. John, her compassion. Joseph, her fear. And Jacob—
Well. 
She tries not to think about what she lost in his cages. The gaping hole where her humanity once sat is heavier now that it's empty. 
It doesn't matter. Not anymore. 
Everything has been culminating to this point. To this moment. She feels the weight of it, the truth, in her bones. Unlike John, unlike Faith, only one of them will walk away from this still breathing. Her fingers tense. A proxysm. 
She finds, as the sky fades back to an endless blue and the mournful call of a loon breaks through the coppice, that she isn't entirely sure she wants it to be her. 
"Everything, all of it, has been leading up to this moment," he calls down to her, answering the unspoken assertions that bounce around the bruised fibres of her head. Hunt. Kill. Sacrifice. She gets it. She hates that she does. Hates him, she thinks, even more for making her see, for turning her into his executioner so easily. "So, Deputy, what will you do?"
If it were Faith, there'd be something about the path. About choices. About submission and surrender. Giving up agency and self in the single-minded pursuit of devotion to the Father. John, maybe a taunt. A sotto voce about atonement and true self. Of life admit the torture. A baptism in pain. 
But Jacob is neither of them. 
"Are you gonna kill me, angel?" 
She thinks about it. Really does. Lets it grind down into her synapses as she imagines a world without him. A place in Hope County where they celebrate his death and burn his body on an altar, unwilling to let the cult take him back until he's charred bones and ashes. Sure, then, that he's gone. Forever. Always. No more. 
Jacob will burn. 
She thinks about it, and she shudders. 
It feels anticlimactic despite the effort he put into setting it all up. Moving beacons and men and cages and wolves. Tracking her down through the forest until she led them to the Wolf's Den, and put a bullet in the head of the only man who made her feel some sense of footing amid a crumbling world. A place that wasn't quite home but it was something. Purpose, maybe. 
It stands in sharp contrast to the dogfight between them. Jacob and his soldiers. A commander playing a game of war from the comfort of his sanctuary. They're gone, now, and she hates that she isn't, too. That no matter what she does, how open she leaves herself, he still lets her sneak up the side of his perch until she's crouched behind a log, until she can hear the weight of his footfalls as he searches for her across the blood smeared landscape. 
It's a fallacy. He knows where she is despite the engineered confusion in his tone. What was that? He asks. Come out and fight me, Deputy. You know I'll find you—
The red dot follows her, always just a few inches from where she's hiding. A farce. She hates it. Hates that he isn't really fighting her. A marksman, he said (hoorah), but the only bruises he gave her are in her mind. Mental scars. Stupid. She hates him. Despises him. 
(Hates herself even more.)
It feels like muscle memory when she peers over the ledge, her bloodied knuckles leaving smears of her fingerprints behind. He's there. Waiting. 
Killing Eli, killing phantoms. Killing men. Killing him. It all congeals in her marrow. Effortless. Easy. She's killed him so many times already that she's sure, now, she could close her eyes and find her mark. 
Over and over again, he turned to a nebula of dust when she jumped on his back, wrapping nimble fingers around his neck. Mocking words haunting her as he dissolved into the aether. The Father will protect me. You need me. Don't fight it. Just let go. You've served your purpose. Let's say you get out of this. What's next? You go back to running errands for a teenager and a housewife? You are nothin' without Eli. 
"Come out, come out wherever you are, honey," his crooning taunt makes her hackles raise. A part of her hindbrain prickles with unease. Jacob brings a certain terror out of those dormant depths—an atavistic fear coils around her jugular. "Let's finish this." 
She wants to end him. To kill and maim and bend and break until nothing is left but bones and tissue. She wants to ruin him. Wants him to ruin her. To end this conflict at the top of a precipice she never wanted to climb. 
She says nothing—not to him, to them—but scuffs her feet against the gravel for no reason other than to make him look. He whips around, hand steady on his rifle. 
"Finally done hiding, Deputy?" 
The red dot hasn't left her vicinity since she prowled after him, unleashing hell and gunfire on the men—his Chosen, his best—that tried to keep her away from him. Hiding, she thinks, and wonders if those words are a projection. 
The Whitetailer—the only anchor she's had since she found it laying behind in an abandoned cabin—hums under her fingers. Pulses with the blood rushing through her veins. It's always been heavy. An SA50 isn't easy to carry across a landscape she mostly ventured on foot (as the near constant ache between her shoulders can attest to), but it feels both heavier and lighter than before. Another contradiction of many since she walked out of the Den and into a world on fire. Since she slit his throat and watched him turn into cosmic dust. 
It's steady, though. Unwavering. There's a gash on her arm from one of his Chosen. A bullet in her thigh. The unhealed wounds—bliss bullets and arrows—twinge with pain when she tenses her muscles, breathes in deep. Her broken ribs scream. She feels like more like a throbbing contusion than she does an actual person, still caught in the tendrils of her conditioning where his voice echoes in her head, the last notes of a song that turned her world into ashes. Only youuu… he'd crooned.
Only you. 
Only ever you. 
She gets it now. 
Or, she wishes that were true. It isn't. It isn't because maybe she's known all along. Since the bunker. Since Pratt. One, two, three. One, two, three. And then he's got you. Since she blinked into cognisance surrounded by the fallen bodies of the militia who didn't survive the training, who had bullet wounds that matched the shots she took in Jacob's trial. 
Since she went back to the Grand View and walked through the rows of cages in the parking lot. 
She gets it. 
She knows what she has to do. 
Her grip doesn't falter when she aims up. Up. His stomach. His lungs. His heart. 
"You can't. You're done. You've served your purpose, and now it's time to accept your place, Deputy. Where you belong." 
She thinks of Tammy. Of Wheaty. There's nothing left for her. Not anymore. 
Nothing except—
She wonders if there's a flash of panic in his cerulean eyes. A brief flicker of fear. But all she sees is contempt. 
"If I die, you'll be lost forever—"
She pulls the trigger. 
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ficreadergirl · 2 years ago
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Dangerous Inquiries (ch.7)
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It was dinner time with Kory and Dick. You all were sitting at the table eating while chatting. You didn't say much but listened to them talking. About nothing but you didn't mind. They were both very good company. They made you feel at ease. You felt relaxed and happy. After dinner you all ate souffle Dick bought for you. It was pretty tasty.
"That's delicious!" Kory said. Dick smiled "My chef friend does great souffles."
"We should visit that restaurant all together!" Kory said looking at you. "It's amazing!"
"Yes. It was pretty good Dick. Thanks." you said with a slight smile. You hadn't talked much the entire dinner but you liked their company and the way they behaved. They were your family. Even when your father was still alive Dick and Kory were same with all of you. While you were thanking god you have them Dick asked you "You went to the class today?"
"Yes." you replied.
"I heard that you met Jason." Dick added. You froze a moment before speaking. "Yeah.." you avoided his gaze.
"So how did it go? Did he do something to you?" he asked anxiously. "No. Well…" you paused a bit.
"Sorta? I don't know. He came to my apartment to ask about my dad's murder case."
"Really? Did he threaten you or anything?"
"No. But he was… weird." you said quietly. The memory of him staring at you with those blue eyes flashed in front of your eyes. Your cheeks heated up. You shook your head to get yourself together.
"What do you mean?" Dick asked.
"Nothing. It was just weird."
"How weird?" he asked you. He sounded worried about you. "I don't know….he just kept asking about my father's murder." you replied.
"What kind of questions?" he asked. He seemed a bit angry now.
"He was just really persistent. Like I was being interrogated or something." you frowned. "Did he say anything else?" Dick asked with concern written all over his face.
"No..not really. But he said he wanted to know who killed my dad." you paused before continuing "He seemed really interested about him." After hearing your words Dick and Kory looked at each other. Both seemed uncomfortable. Neither one spoke for a few minutes. Finally, after a while Kory started "You better stay away from him."
"What do you mean?" you asked.
"Trust me Y/n you should stay far away from him. Something bad might happen." she said seriously. "But Kory…" you started saying "If you know something then tell me." Kory didn't reply. You looked at Dick. He didn't look at you.
After a while you said "Is there any chance you guys know white haired and eyepatched woman?" Dick and Kory looked surprised. "White hair and eyepatch?" Kory looked at you confused. "Where did you see this woman exactly Y/n?" she asked.
"A few days ago. At the library. But I haven't seen her since." you said. Dick and Kory looked at each other again. Both seemed worried. "Well we better talk." Dick said.
"Sure. Let's talk." you said. He was looking like he was deep in thought. While you were wondering what was going through his mind he said "I'll make sure they'll never bother you again."
"That's it? You're not gonna say who was she?" you asked suspiciously. "Not until I know more." he gave you a small smile which didn't reach his eyes. "Y/n. Just know that I'm trying to protect you." he added.
"You shouldn't worry about me Dick." you said. "Don't worry about you?" Dick looked offended. "Y/n! We care about you and don't want anything to hurt you."
"I know. And thank you Dick. I appreciate that." you assured him sincerely "But you don't need to worry about me. Nothing is gonna happen to me." you smiled reassuringly.
"Okay, then." Dick nodded reluctantly. You wanted to find your father's murderer. If it meant to meet shady people then so be it. Because even though you didn't understand how Jason Todd got involved with your father's murder that was your job finding out the truth. And you're more than willing to do it. After dinner you told the others goodbye and said goodbye them home.
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swarmishstrangers · 2 years ago
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If your still taking qrting requests can you do something like Fucshia Mallek with little diver MSPAR just imagine it
DUDE. FUSCHIA MALLEK IS SUCH A FUN THOUGHT TBH???
Like okay. I still imagine him to be involved with some sort of tech no matter what blood caste he would be in. So it's no different for my thoughts on Fuschia Mallek. Except ofc he's got WAYY more to see and can get his hands on any piece of information not even seen to the publics eye (stuff Tyzias would kill to get her hands on.)
Dreads about much more things in this position of caste. Not only does he dread space, what he dreads the most is the final fight with the Condesce. Even having the highest power one could possibly have on Alternia he does a lot of dreading. He knows that the odds are against him when that time comes where he's put up against the Condesce. He knows he's most likely going to get culled and the suffering of trolls will go on..but he can't help but feel he has a fighting chance. Maybe. He has a small sliver of hope.
I imagine most trolls know next to nothing about him. He has no social media's, he doesn't venture outside even in the ocean very much. Doesn't really talk to too many people. Ya know. Liking to keep a low low low profile. Obviously he has obligations to fill and handles very boring and menial shit someone in his position of power is supposed to deal with he supposes. But even being a fuschia blood it doesn't mean he can just. Snap his fingers and make everything good on Alternia, stopping the mass cullings, and stopping the suffering of lower castes. Unfortunately he doesn't have full power as he isn't the Condesce and she mostly has a say in everything. And there's no way in hell she would even consider the thought of letting up on lower castes so. That's dead in the water (hah)
But he doesn't increase the suffering either, in fact I'd say he was able to wiggle in some very very minor changes that were mostly to improve quality of life.
Oh yeah and now he has a little over more than 13 piercings. Some extras, ya know how cerulean Mallek and how some people like giving him snake bites? Well as a fushia he's got Shark bite piercings along with some conches, a bridge piercing, and a Nasallang piercing.
With those general headcanons about Fuchsia Mallek out of the way onto the rest of your request (sorry for the rambling lmao)
I REALLY love the thought of this Fushia blood Mallek and Mspar being friends, him being a Fushia instead of a Cerulean definitely changes their dynamic quite a bit and it's fun to imagine the possibilities.
If you liked how casual Mspar treats things imagine the absurd sorta casual air they have whenever they met and became friends with Mallek. Considering the heiress in the original Hiveswap seemingly had little to no knowledge of Mspar or maybe didn't even believe an alien really existed. Mallek I imagine as little as anyone notices him in particular due to a lack of general presence, he still manages to keep up with all that's going on. The heiress may not acknowledge their presence but much like Cerulean Mallek he knows they're there. But he has no intentions of obeying the "kill aliens on sight" rule.
Yeah even Fushia Mallek believes that Mspar being an alien is a rouse, believing them to also being a robot at one point.
As for general headcanons regarding them both:
🔱 Felt kinda weird to be in the presence of someone who's considered one of the highest importance and then seeing them be so...chill. And also just casually hanging out with him. Mspar can def get down with it though, Mallek certainly does. He's glad to have a friend like them and he doesn't feel so alone.
⚜️ THE coldest skin. I imagine he's got a lot of heaters around his place. Whenever Mspar was given a hoodie of his, putting it sent shivers all over from the lack of warmth and overpowering cold. I imagine the blood color and sign definitely makes things WAY more interesting as well. Since Mallek used this as well as making other things to better protect Mspar when they venture out, imagine how much stronger this message is to other trolls when it's Fushia Mallek.
🔱 Mallek sometimes can't hang out due to being busy with some important heir related things. But he does like those times where they wait anyways at his place and they hang out when he finished.
⚜️ Mspar likes to show him some of the different shells and stones they thought were neat from the waters and beaches. He likes to gift them beach themed things and shells, anytime he sees anything like that he thinks of them.
🔱 Needs to remind himself to be a little easier with them. He's a bro at heart and likes the shoulder claps and a friendly punch in the arm or something. But sometimes he forgets how much stronger he is compared to all other trolls so sometimes these friendly gestures come on too strong and leaves them with a big ol bruise (owie). He's good about this for the most part!
Sorry for how long it took to post this, hopefully the length of this makes up for it!!
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blood-market · 2 years ago
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Ok someone else pointed this out and I thought I was just misreading what the game was setting up at first but-
Warning: Mentions of S/H and possible S/A
This particular topic really bothered me throughout the game, but it happens so often just from the main story AND the sub stories alone, that I felt like ranting about it a little.
Proceed with caution.
Tldr: Kiryu deserves better in life and the scenarios the writers put him in for fan service/comedy really weirds me out dmdmfkrl. Like- 💀💀
I dont known how far its gone, like in the sub stories and stuff, but so far two women alone(in the main story) undressed in front of him and he looked so uncomfortable from it. And these are just the events I remember off the tip of my tongue.
Does it bother anyone else with how often Kiryu gets sexually harassed and possibly sexually assaulted by women??
One of which actively tried to seduce him while he visibly looked uncomfortable- Or maybe naked hugs is just is just a normal thing to do and I'M just out of the loop here???
And that same lady was actively aware that he was putting down her advances to just get close in any way before even going through with- Whatever the hell that scene was...
If this sorta thing was something specifically for the plot and done in a tasteful way, then sure. It is a thing that happens to men as well that isnt really talked about in media and these moments could of been a great chance to show that "Hey this can happen and its ok to put your boundaries in place if you are uncomfortable. That doesn't make you any less of a man."
But you see the thing is, they don't really do that usually? Or it just feels like they don't at least to me personally.
These things that happen in the game feel more like either fan service or some sort of comedic scenario they are trying to set up... And it feels so fucking weird for that reason.
Like Christ, leave the guy alone 💀💀 Why does this game keep writing him in scenarios where he keeps getting sexually harassed by various women??? In a comedic/fan service way??
I gotta specify that this is still my opinion on the things the game showed me. And personally it felt so fucking weird to have this as a "sexy" or "funny" moment in the games.
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chryzuree · 1 year ago
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fore the modenr au chrysijacks in particularly! what are some misc facts about chrysi and jacks in hs! what were they like..skipped classes a lot? what kind of things were they into.. any fun little memories they think about? would either of them try to get the other to dance in the cold rain with them at night? who gets sick after..
I WAS THINKING ABT THEIR HIGH SCHOOL LIFE VV HARD TODAY, so this is perfect!!
chrysi was the horror friend in hs, obvi… but yk what?? jacks also had a pretty good idea of horror movies too!!! he and chrysi would have horror movie nights where they would swap who chose the film! jacks’s nights tended to have more romantic aspects to the horror, versus chrysi being like “i have got the movie for you!!!!!” and she puts on cronenberg or smth... jacks wants to die.
jacks was a theatre kid first & foremost, but he was also in track!!! mostly because chrysi did pole vault & they would go to meets together. they spent a lot of the time jst laying on the field or in the bleachers talking, watching more horror movies (david lynch this time!! jacks still doesn’t get it!!), or playing stupid parlor games w the rest of the team that almost causes a fistfight.
speaking of theatre kid jacks, chrysi would sometimes pick him up after rehearsal and then they’d go drive up to a lookout to stargaze 🫶🏻 she was DROPPING HINTS the WHOLE TIME.
okay, not quite high school age, but one summer, chrysi leaves taller than jacks. comes back to school and fuck OFF, he’s TALLER THAN HER NOW. she never catches up 💔💔💔
chrysi was very good at going to all of her classes, unless she doesn’t want to 🖤 then she’ll sneak out and go somewhere. jacks tends to rely on her taking him to and from school, so if chrysi’s skipping class, he has to skip class too. they go get smoothies a lot. also jacks gets grounded. still—his parents love chrysi.
jacks also skips all of his classes to hang out with chrysi. all of her teachers know him as chrysi’s little pet & they all endure him.. they gave up trying to separate the two of them. it’s easier to jst assign jacks little classroom chores to keep him from annoying the rest of the class.
chrysi and jacks absolutely share NO classes in their junior year (since chrysi was in a lot of ap courses and jacks was borderline failing high school). this became a real annoyance for the attendance office, since jacks would be sitting in chrysi’s ap lit class instead of his remedial math course..
on that topic, he gets rlly rlly into all the ap english class discussions. has he read the book?? no. he doesn’t even go here. but has he heard all of chrysi’s rants and internalized them?? yes, and he has a fighting chance in the debate.
chrysi was vv into horror (still is), reading, and 80s coming of age films <33 jacks was into chrysi, but didn’t know it 🤗 but also he was dabbling in fashion design (in the modern au, i’m tempted to make him end up being a high end fashion designer.. workshopping this, but the chrysijacks reunion is vv funny in this scenario) and he was obvi into theatre!
chrysi and jacks both think rlly fondly back on those evenings they would spend in the trunk of her car, eating takeout or jst chatting or watching the stars… jst the most mundane things that they felt the most comfortable doing… also, they like remembering going to malls and making fun of things. the mundaneness is so missed after they had their friend breakup (and… actual breakup?? sorta?? it was that weird in between stage of friends to bf/gf.. sad.)
CHRYSI IS DANCING OUT IN THE RAIN!! jacks has this gutter that gets blocked all the time, so he has a huge puddle in front of his house whenever it rains and chrysi would always play in it. he ends up coming out to dance with her too <333 it always ends in chrysi getting sick, bc she’s so frail sobsob. oh well!!! more excuses for jacks to go over and nurse her back to health!! normal friendship thing :)
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noblechaton · 1 year ago
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so ultimately I really enjoyed season 5 as a whole and think it might be my new favorite season of ml in general since most episode were bangers and the finale eps weren't really any different lmao
but there's two elements that - like other folks I've seen - are kinda bugging me and bog it down a good bit I feel and I kinda wanna ramble about em. ml spoilers below (no salt tho I am complaining somewhat)
the first thing was something I'd caught a glimpse of just before I passed out last night thanks to some lovely blogging from a few mutuals and that I caught onto midway thru the second part of the finale and that is of course the weird attempt at seemingly redeeming? Gabriel in some capacity
now of course he's not at all redeemed to us, the audience, and it doesn't feel like a redemption so much as like. absolving him? but either way like....why at all? 5 seasons (2 specials and a video game too) across like 8 years I feel sorta showed that the guy legit could not be redeemed, especially S5 itself with multiple instances of him doing just. unforgivably heinous things to everyone including that son of his he kept talking about protecting and like for a time in the show maybe I could have seen that path where he was genuinely doing this to improve Adrien's life but that was tossed a long time ago lmao, he's actively tormented Adrien more than anything and that's without factoring in his beatings of Chat Noir, threats towards Marinette, etc.
Gabriel sacrificing himself at the end was something I sorta always knew was coming bc nothing else really made sense. no way he'd go to jail, he couldn't just be absolved of all he'd done and there was no real other option and yet they tried to absolve him anyway?? not to mention how little sense I feel it makes for Adrien to believe this in the least after even just the last few episodes, let alone the season and then some
Paris in general treating Gabriel like a hero sucks - most of the class at least should know better - and while I think there's a chance it'll lead to some juicy drama between Marinette knowing the truth and Lila knowing what she knows, one of them feels bound to take it to Adrien, I'm concerned it'll just be a flat point never to be addressed again
now I've often felt the show is more clever than ppl give it credit for but idk. something about it just feels weird and wrong and not just bc of what it is on the surface - Marinette building a lie into her relationship with Adrien is fascinating and it should absolutely come up in the future, but I'm worried it won't
and the reason I'm worried is bc of how Adrien was handled in the finale - in that he wasn't really handled at all
I understand that the story had him locked up in a cube, I get that he was purposefully tossed aside by that same father he supposedly believes is heroic now but like....why did we get nothing from him past him forfeiting the ring? why did he give up so easily? why was he a total nonentity in the finale of what is, essentially, his arc? in this story that has the most bearing on Adrien, Adrien himself was just....gone for most of it, arguably all of it
I feel like it flies counter to a lot of what the show's been doing especially lately with him in how Adrien is basically stripped of any and all agency by the end of the finale and honestly I hate it lol. him having no say on anything, no knowledge of anything or any real reaction to....anything that happened. we don't see him really react to the lie of what his father did, to Nathalie being returned to health or to the mysterious blonde woman at the pool who may or may not be his actual mom (the storyboards and deleted scene apparently confirm it was, at least, at some point), we don't even see him get his ring back. like I wasn't expecting a reveal at this point - I don't think we're gonna get one tbh - but....nothing??
which is part of why I feel the stuff at the end with him and Marinette in the garden - while very nice and cathartic after 8 years of watching - felt so off, almost hollow. Adrien didn't really get to be a character in the finale and just sort of reappears to finally kiss Marinette again? that's it? he's all smiles and sunshine again after being genuinely, undeniably tortured by his father that he again somehow believes is heroic in some manner? huh??
I think I'd feel better about things if we at least got his reaction to things - if he somehow rolled up on his destroyed house or found Nathalie walking around under her own power or w/e but there's just nothing. like he's an action figure that got lost under the bed for a bit. and again there's a chance we get some of that next season but like, not only do I think we shouldn't have to but I also see it as less likely than the Gabe stuff proving to be a plotline since that feels much more like a lingering presence that sorta needs to be dealt with and honestly Tomoe needs to be dealt with too idk how Kagami could ever go back to her after this
which really has me excited about season 6 more than I was - I admittedly kinda groaned when they revealed there'd be more seasons since I knew about the 5 season arc (especially since main villain Lila did not interest me in the least at the time lol, and still kinda doesn't tbh) but if I'd sorta softened on the decision across the last few years, I've fully turned around with this - so long as they address some of this stuff going forward at least bc I feel like if nothing else there's some really juicy drama and story potential in the Gabriel lie coming undone
ultimately again I loved this season and felt the finale was appropriately crazy - the kwamis in their ultimate forms, Gimmi's appearance, Bug Noir and the fight across the mansion, it all worked really well imo and there was a lot of payoff still in the finale even if I feel they didn't really stick the landing with a couple of rough edges and odds and ends hanging out
I also wanna say that I kinda like the ideas I've seen floating around about how the epilogue might not be what it seems - that Gabriel's wish wasn't so pure in nature, it kinda fits him to warp reality in just such a way after all but idk if that's what's going on here for sure yet. think it'd make a really cool twist if that evil AU special thingy came straight off of this tho, or if we got midway thru S6 and it's like, oh dang we're living a total fabrication!! I love stuff like that lol
also also ngl I am not excited about the whole team being back at all in any capacity lol. think a smaller team - which would now be Ladybug, Chat, Carapace, Rena, Ryuko and Argos maybe - just works better
also also also - addendum that ties into the Adrien stuff - it feels really weird that Chat Noir wasn't present at all during Monarch's defeat right? like. idk that just doesn't sit well with me, like he should have had some impact there, some role. maybe he could have broken out and given Ladybug the ring himself (albeit in a mask or something) or done literally anything. idk. really weird
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fructo · 2 months ago
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Some of the best advice I've ever gotten came from a relative I'd only met for the first time that day. It's the only advice that's stuck with me.
It was about 2 AM and I was 14 or 15, and we'd been at my aunt's house. I was the only kid there, but everyone was a family member and it was sorta nice being able to hang out with the adults away from my siblings.
We were getting ready to leave and they're all still kind of chatting when she looks at me and asks me what book I'd been carrying earlier. It was the unabridged version of The Count of Monte Cristo; we read the abridged version for school and I loved it, so I bought myself the unabridged edition (I've unfortunately never finished it.)
I shyly told her that yes, I like reading. I'd also brought my Switch with me that night because I thought i was gonna be bored. My family is entertaining enough, apparently, when there's alcohol involved.
She then started talking about her boyfriend and how they loved to do nerdy shit (paraphrasing this part) like Dungeons & Dragons, cosplaying, playing video games. At the time I was a little confused because I didn't understand how the conversation shifted on that direction.
But then she kinda stopped, smiled at me. She told me that it may take a while to find the people or person that likes me for me, but those people exist. She told me that I don't have to change myself or my interests in order to fit into someone's standards, that I was okay. I was okay to like the "nerdy" stuff I enjoyed, I was okay to be happy. It took her a while to find that person and her friends, but she did.
This conversation has stuck with me, and even though I've never seen her since that night, I still am shocked by how comforting her words were. She was the only person in my life—and mind you, this was the first time I've met her—to ever tell me that I was okay for just being me. The only person who hasn't tried to change me ("oh but you would look so cute in this instead!!"), judge me ("it's weird for you to like [x] but when I like [x] it's perfectly fine!!"), or insult me (I am unappreciative, annoying, ignorant.).
I dunno why this came to me all of a sudden, but today was the first day I've ever felt comfortable with just being me. The pain in my chest was gone, and I could breathe again. It only lasted a brief moment, before the weight of my existence came crashing down and I realized I didn't really have anyone to share my happiness with.
But I'm okay.
I tell myself that this isn't my place. My time here is temporary, a finite moment that can be calculated. It's tangible. The end is near. I try to be realistic, keep my head out of the clouds, but thinking about leaving and seeking out my people bubbles up all the time.
The place where I don't carefully pick and choose what parts of myself to talk about. The people who don't make fun of me for being sensitive or emotional. People who don't make fun of me for frying. The people who can recognize what jokes I actually enjoy and what jokes make me uncomfortable. The people who understand.
And I know. I know that there's really a small chance of finding that perfect microcosm, but is it really so bad to hope? Is it so bad to want that for myself? Perhaps it is intangible, but I used to be a dreamer. I miss that girl who used to dream.
So I cling to that memory, that mantra, whenever I think about laughing at a joke that makes me uncomfortable or I listen to my friends talk about stuff they know I have no experience in. I remind myself that I might not fit perfectly here, and I never have. This has never been my place.
But my place is out there. Whether it's alone and at peace with myself, or with the people I might call family regardless of our relationship, it's out there.
I just need to be patient.
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thatoneguy031 · 2 years ago
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So, I realized that I never really did anything for Pride Month. My bad, especially since I'm a member of that group.
I know it isn't a lot, but what if I talked about where my characters sat on the LGBT spectrum? That works for you guys, right?
First things first, Delta. Hoo boy, is he an odd case. Like, he's obviously asexual, he literally doesn't even have genitals to begin with. But, as you'll see way, way later in his storyline, he is interested in the concept of romance. And, he follows the "It doesn't matter, love is love" mentality, so I guess he's panromantic? Is that a term?
On top of that, he's not really opposed to the idea of crossdressing or looking feminine or anything. He's the kind of guy to wear a full, Princess Peach-styled dress because it's comfy, or something like that. He goes by any and all pronouns, but I use he/him in my stories about him, for no reason in particular.
For Jason, he's ace/aro, simply put, clear-cut as his Oshawott's fighting style. Similarly to Ash, he doesn't really care for love too much, as long as you and your Pokemon are strong and give him a solid challenge, which you'll see more and more time passes(He referred to Bianca as "girlfriend," because they were just that close with each other to do stuff like that. They weren't dating or anything). The only "love" he shows is towards Jayden and his Pokemon, who is family and are considered family respectively.
Trevor, as I've mentioned before, is straight and questioning. He's always thought he just liked girls when he was in middle and high school, but his best friend, Bryant...
Bryant. Just Bryant.
...Yeah, that Floatzel definitely flipped Trevor's world view on its head, and now he's just confused. Please send your condolences for our turnabout Typlosion-Ampharos-Blastoise... guy.
Funnily enough, Smudge is the only character that I've made with the intent of being purely homosexual. At least, mostly, but I'll get to Chris eventually.
Smudge is pretty clearly into Charles, but their situation is kinda complicated. Smudge thinks that he doesn't have a chance in heck with Charles due to his childhood, so he sticks with them just being friends, and Charles thinks that Smudge is way out of his league due to the dragon's now-popularity, so he doesn't even bother asking him out. But, they do still talk to each other, and Smudge jokingly brought up the chance of them just making out once, which Charles clearly wanted. He denied it, though, in fear of looking too weird.
You know how I said I'd get to Chris's whole deal eventually? Well, now it's eventually(The first time I've followed up on that kind of thing in a while).
Chris had a rough childhood. He was often picked on, mostly because he was an easy target, but also because he was just a loser to his bullies. So, he never really got to even discover his options.
When he was turned into a Pokemon, he got to see the rest of Team 7(Besides Stephanie, because he already knew her from when he first arrived.) Insert some wacky, emotional missions later, but he sorta began growing feelings for Lucas, that Cubone I keep mentioning. It wasn't love, at least not at the time, but Chris definitely felt like he could connect with him more than anyone else on the team, since they've had similar backgrounds. So, it's not like he's dating Lucas or anything...
...But he isn't repelled by the idea of getting to know him a little more.
For yours truly, I'm bisexual. At least, I'm pretty sure I am. There's no real explanation for this. I kinda just discovered I liked dudes one day, and I rolled with it. Nothing special, no interesting backstory, that's sorta just... it. Point, blank, period, 'cause it ain't no question.
Off topic, I love the bi flag. It gives such a vaporwave aesthetic, and I can really vibe with that kind of thing. The colors blend in with each other so well, they're so easy on the eyes.
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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years ago
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11 fe bru ar y 2023 Saturday 🪐 (sat urn ⚱️ Earn 💰??? 5:07 am pdt)5:06 am pdt
Incubus has been attacking bones 🦴 in my backside 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵. Woke up minutes ago. Forgot things hours ago coughing even though I took 18 minutes to prepare for it 😞 distracted. 5:09 am pdt woke up 🆙 then felt intestinal? Abdominal pain. 5:10 am pdt
revelation: god is incubus, pain right shoulder 😖😭😭😭😭 that is what he did to Virgin Mary. Bad father who didn’t want to pay 💰 child support. Didn’t want to support Mary himself. Forced her to marry an old man 👴 . She was probably 16 years old. Naïve? 5:14 am pdt incubus is womanizer? What is a womanizer? 5:15 am pdt
5:16 am pdt man 👨 who engages in numerous casual s*xual affairs. Casual = not waiting for marriage commitment? 5:17 am pdt
5:19 pmpdt if incubus tells you he is your husband & has been hurting you, idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ what’s best? Believe or not believe? I need proof. Things you think 🤔 can be proof can turn in to non proof if they are lying 🤥. Marriage becomes imprisonment incubus deleted imprisonment. (I don’t believe I improved incubus 😖😭😤🥵😖😭 5:24 am pdt) I watched stuff on tv 📺. Men sometimes pretending to love 💕 someone gets married after spending a lot of money 💰 to court the woman 👩🏻 then after the honeymoon 🍯 🌙 he disappeared 👻 leaving her a lot of debt 💸 bcz I guess he lied 🤥 about having a (divorce boyfriend relationship heart pain brain autocorrect stuff 2 sets 5:27 am pdt) high paying job? Or about having a lot of money 💰 5:29 am pdt. Similar to an incubus I guess? But not the same.
5:32 am pdt he roasting me so much my skin is not smooth anymore all bumpy. Vag acid pain. I get it now. It’s a joke. Ha ha ha not funny 😄. 5:34 am pdt 5:35 am pdt
5:35 am pdt guy w/middle name David made the first move on me by touching my body he ran his fingers up 🆙 & down my back & massaged my shoulders & danced behind me & talked about how I didn’t shave 🪒 my legs 🦵 to other people physically behind me. He stood behind me in class for roll call ☎️ for this class. 7th grade. & I ran away from him all year. 5:39 am pdt
8th grade I tried to give him a chance. We played mancala in the library 📚 but we were both sorta quiet types. I did not know this immediately. Weird. I often found him on the computer & I put my hands over his eyes 👀 & said guess who many times. Once I accidentally pulled his head into my chest. Somehow I think bcz of the timing ⏱ of how he grabbed my hands 🙌 to uncover his eyes 👀 to which he turned to face me & smiled. 5:44 am pdt
5:45 am pdt the way he touched me 7th grade was probably inappropriate but we were still borderline kids I guess so that would be the last time he can get away with such an introduction. 5:46 am pdt
it seems I met a lot of guys who approached me for s*x w/o engaging in much communication or even trying to be friends first. Feels like a lot for some reason. 5:48 am pdt
I should try to recall who so I can count them out. Dua lipa I got new rules I count them. 5:49 5:50 am pdt
6:12 am pdt I guess incubus wants me to believe to my truest deepest core of the realest me that I am cruel heartless wicked 🕯. I am confessing here my baddest behaviors. A piece at a time. I think incubus is hinting what he wants me to confess. The 2nd guy. Bcz mayb I said some things I shouldn’t have to my sister. I don’t know it’s hard to remember exactly what I said now after all the brain 🧠 abuse. Some things I think about over and over again so it has a better chance of being (autocorrect “removed reminded” 6:17 am pdt) remembered. I do remember feeling that I was saying dishonest things in a way bcz I felt it was my fault 🤦‍♀️ but had difficulty owning up 🆙 & admitting. I wrote a little about 2nd guy in a post probably 10-15 posts ago. I wrote about a magnetic 🧲 feeling btwn our bodies. & how I tried to tell him I was not ready for physical intimacy but failed with my word choices. Told him I think: I’m not ready for a relationship. Didn’t want to kiss yet but he decided to kiss me & then it was hard to stop. 🛑 his mouth 👄 tasted like cigarettes 🚬. 6:21 am pdt but he was athletic & productive. He was sorta poor but he seemed busy. He drove an old car 🚗 & he bought his clothing second hand 🤚. I was attracted to him even though he wasn’t the handsomest of men. When I first saw him I was interested in getting to know him. He had a different kind of sense of humor I think 🤔 that I tried to adapt to. After things ended btwn us I somehow ended up complimenting him more. But I think I complimented him also before we had our first date? It’s too bad he deleted an account I complimented on. (Right arm muscle pain minutes ago 6:27 am pdt) I think I felt like it was my fault we got physically intimate too fast & that It was hard for me to admit to it, & probably complained out loud to my sister. I mentioned him to other people but I forget what I said to them. 6:28 am pdt after he stopped talking to me, which probably should have been ok bcz they were friends b4 he met me, they kept on hanging out/meeting up/ inviting her out. He wrote to her once that I saw 👀 “dearest (my sister’s name here).” He didn’t wait very long to kiss me. I still had difficulty being myself. & I appeared I guess “bubbly” b4 him in an effort to be pleasant to hang around with, even though I usually wasn’t bubbly? Usually I was shy & quiet. Sometimes I was critical. I would look at a person s drawing & pick it apart on what needed to change. 6:33 am pdt I usually didn’t know what to say. I had some practice with my first real boyfriend... but I feel bcz I didn’t feel like I was myself that it was all wrong & neede more time to date b4 getting intimate. Guys usually don’t wait. That’s the truth. It doesn’t matter what they say. If you don’t cave into your s*x desires they will pressure you/me. Or used to. 6:36 am pdt
in 2011 the second guy tried to come back into my life & invited me to see him play in a band. I typed to him I don’t think I can. ... I’m trying to do what’s right. I don’t remember if I wrote anything in between. It was hard for me to think of seeing him again. Now I remember.. I invited him to my bday party 🎈 but I think I already knew from the pattern of communication that the fling was at its end. He was trying to separate him self from me. I think I was glad but still wavering in & out bcz I was attracted & difficulty letting go even though It was hard for me to feel the connection I really needed for a relationship. Vag pain. Shamefully I asked him to be my boyfriend w/ anticipating that he would say “no,” which he did, I think he said “I m not ready for a relationship.” Did he... say my words back to me at the very end? Did he say those exact words? That was the last time we saw each other face to face. Thanks 🙏 for the honesty? Was he being honest???? Or was I not the right one???? & he didn’t have the guts to tell me 🥺???? Not long afterwards I forgot how long though I saw online he got a girlfriend. Sometimes you just bite the cookie. I don’t think he whore shamed me in public. I really wanted to hold off on s*x b4 marriage so I tried even harder w/ the next guy: Scott. I told him long winded no-typed answers on 2 different days. Whose first name is David. King 🤴 David ? (Spurt of 🩸 blood . Coughing difficulty breathing 6:54 am pdt). It wasn’t enough though. He whore shamed me publicly 2 times even though he essentially forced me to have intercourse with out condom. 6:56 am pdt
how is it some women can control them selves enough to not engage in s*x activities b4 marriage? Is it a myth? My aunt said she was a Virgin when she eloped @ age 40? Got pregnant 🤰 & had a daughter. My gma I heard got pregnant 14 times but only had 9 full pregnancies. Only. 😬 why is it I’m having problems now? Incubus. 7 am pdt
7:03 am pdt Merlin 🧙‍♂️. Magic 🪄 spells . Magic potions 🧪. Poison ☠️? 222 poison ☠️ control. 7:04 am pdt love 💕 spell. Love sick 🤒. 7:04 am pdt horny spell? Horny sick? Addiction? 7:05 am pdt
7:06 am pdt kings are best friends/bros w/ incubus.
7:07 am pdt my mom was still a s*xy babe at age 40. I ve met a s*xy Asian woman 👩🏻 who was turning 50. Only started having menopause symptoms. 7:08 am pdt (exhaling hot 🥵 air 7:09 am pdt)
7:15 am pdt 7:17 am pdt the 4th guy I don’t recall him paying for my food dinner 🍽 or any meal for some reason... maybe he bought me a hot dog 🌭? & a burrito 🌯 once ? He (teeth pain 7:19 am pdt 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵) alcoholic beverages? I think he was given tall sample energy drinks 🥤 & he gave me one named “bad mother.” Unfortunately the economy thrives off of bad parenting? An ode to bad mothers? Energy drink. 🥤 7:22 am pdt (left temple flesh digging tearing pain 7:22 am pdt 7:23 am pdt back stabbed tearing pain 7:23 am pdt)
7:29 am pdt at community college during my last year I was attracted to a classmate who asked me out on a date for Valentine’s Day, & bcz I was afraid 😱 that I would fall in to the hole 🕳 again in the sidewalk rinpoche poem I declined even though I was interested. I was trying to be disciplined. 7:31 am pdt when I took accounting 🧾 classes 2013-2014? I again tried to be disciplined and not get intimate with anyone. After graduation from community college I accepted an invitation from him to hang out, & coincidentally he could not on the first planned day & got a girlfriend. He rescheduled & then broke the news 📰 to me & we hung out platonically? Only friends sort of way. By the end of the date I had started to have a little bit of feelings for him & I felt awkward about it bcz he just got a girlfriend again. He reportedly from him got a girlfriend after I turned him down for Valentine’s Day & sounded like they had a whirlwind relationship? Moved in together moved out said she was the devil blah blah 😑. It almost sounds like fiction bcz who moved in with a woman they met not long ago to have a relationship? Watched tv 📺 shows that when a boyfriend gives you a drawer for your stuff was a big deal. 7:39 am pdt 7:40 am pdt he told me I should try not to be shy 🙈 when I am interested in someone I think 🤔 trying to remember. I borrowed a movie 🎥 from him and had intentions of returning it to him but it was awkward & I thought he texted me once early on but didn’t respond a second time. Bad excuse but I was retarded like that. Felt awkward being the first to text. Pain knot 🪢 in hair after acid abdominal pain 7:43 am pdt. I should have just mailed it. Anchorman burgundy Ron. 7:45 am pdt
8:03 8:04 am pdt I tried dating again one last time in 2011, after reluctantly dating Scott again in 2010. Autocorrect “king” b4 I typed “again”... I was not interested bcz I didn’t feel an immediate connection but my mom urged me to give this guy a chance. We texted but I canceled once, then rescheduled, then he stood me up 🆙 & that was the end of it. He texted me back late saying he was high (he told me had a med card for it) 8:09 right 👁 eyeball pain exhaling hot 🥵 air. 8:10 am pdt
8:15 am pdt I have a pattern w/men: resist resist resist, cave, resist resist resist (8:16 am pdt sharp stabbing pain right thigh).
8:41 am pdt I wonder 💭 how tummy aches 😖😭😫😤🥵😤 god would have been able to predict my personality b4 I was conceived? Is my younger sister not really my sister? 8:43 am pdt 😰
more am I being manipulated/controlled???? 8:44 am pdt
I started worrying again about the baby 👶 I threw a plastic or rubber ball at, it was inflatable I think? I was probably 7th grade. I think I threw it under hand from a distance? I only did it once. I typed about it in an earlier post. He seemed to get even smarter after I threw the ball at him & his personality didn’t change. I don’t think 🤔 he cried at (8:47 am pdt acid sand paper feeling in throat 8:48 am pdt) I regret throwing anything at him.
If I had a lot of money 💰 I would pay 💰 him too for medical 🏥 bills 💵 that I’m at fault for. If I was a billionaire/millionaire. 8:50 8:51 he seemed very normal & once he looked 👀 possessed by the demon lord, bcz I had 2 sit next to him sometime afterwards & he laughed maniacally? Crazily?? & reached towards me with little chubby hands covered in snot. It’s as if he was super smart & could already see that I didn’t like the snot on his hands 🙌. That was the only time I recalled him reaching out to touch me???? Was there another time before that???? 8:55 am pdt but that one time stuck in my mind bcz of how bizarre he looked & sounded = demonically possessed. 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵 arm muscles 💪 pain. 8:56 am pdt he also made humping movements towards a baby 👶 girl toddler & the daycare lady’s son cheered him on. 8:57 am pdt he was usually smiling & laughing. I think the only time I’ve seen him cry maybe 🤔 did she sit him on her lap , the daycare lady’s daughter, (burping 9 am pdt coughing) & she pointed her finger up 🆙 wards & said “no!” (Autocorrect steamy sternum Steve steak .... 😰 Steve-> Saint eve? Yup it’s warm cramps groin 😞😭😖😭 hip hot 🥵 9:03 am pdt) she did that to the baby 👶 girl toddler I remember that & she cried vag cut pain stung 9:04 am pdt. Few minutes this morning I felt I deserved to be punched in the head & head rammed into steel beams of bunk bed 🛌. B4 parents separated I had reading 📖 comprehension issues. The school 🏫 was already giving us big social studies/history text books 📖 to read. 9:07 am pdt
9:58 am pdt something to clarify: I had actually went a little crazy about my sister sneaking off to hang out with the 2nd guy. I secretly saw the message he wrote to her. I don’t remember what I said but I did say something out loud so she would hear 👂 me, that I was upset that she was going out to hang out (without me?) I might have hinted that I knew. I don’t remember if she canceled her plans. Once she tried to borrow my ID card bcz we look 👀 almost alike & she was under 21 years old. It was requested by the guy who stopped hanging out with me & started hanging out with her. I think I don’t remember, did she pressure me to let her borrow it? It’s like, you don’t think I need my own card? I don’t matter? I don’t have a life any way no one likes me so it don’t matter but yours does? Even though you’re already popular & every one likes you? (Brain head skull pain hot 🥵 head) she did somehow make me feel guilty? Did she? I feel like there was a possibility of it but I don’t remember. I remember being very upset & accidentally venting about it to mom, then mom got upset? Concerned? & forbaded her from borrowing my id card.10:07 am pdt
When I typed above that it was fine she hang out w/ him, the 2nd guy, it’s a retrospect feeling. & I am unsure if I have any rights to shame anyone again about it. Bcz maybe I should not have went crazy about it. I had asked her if she was attracted to him... she said he has a big (funny shaped?) head... I (rib left side pain 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵) guess not. 10:11 am pdt it feels weird when a guy decides to date your sister after having s*x w/ you, no? 10:11 am pdt keep accidentally typing 9:11..... 10:12 am pdt
She got mad I accidentally told mom, she thought I did it intentionally. Feels a little like pressured. 10:13 am pdt
10:16 10:17 am pdt I lost my I’d card 2020? Karma for getting upset about her wanting to borrow my id card? 10:19 am pdt I guess???? Right hip pain bone 🦴 sharp stabbing. 10:20 am pdt
10:28 am pdt did she ask nicely? Does it matter? 10:29 am pdt she was very angry 😠 I think I remember after mom for bad e her. 10:30 am pdt
I didn’t space out forbade.... 10:30 🕥 am pdt
10:49 am pdt the thought 💭 entered my mind bcz I didn’t pummel? A baby’s head to death ☠️ w/ my fists he decided to sacrifice my head & bones 🦴 & body? Feels like that’s possible. Feels & seems like that’s the mentality these days. Apocalypse whore of Babylon mentality. 10:52 am pdt
10:56 am pdt bcz I didn’t finish the job? Bcz I didn’t do it correctly? Bcz I didn’t rape? Bcz I didn’t premeditated murder? Bcz I didn’t beat up someone head to toe? 10:58 am pdt
11:19 am pdt I got personality problems. I m the problem. It’s me 😤🥵😤😥😤🥵😖😭😖😭😖😭😖😭😞 🎶🎼🎵????? Somehow I accidentally typed mud after mus 11:20 am pdt
11:56 am pdt in 2020? I lost all my passwords when I ran away. Treat the end of last year incubus stole my passwords paper. Yesterday my mom found the ring 💍 I thought 💭 the incubus stole. Still missing a box 📦 of other jewelry. Bcz my mom found the ring 💍 doesn’t mean that the incubus didn’t steal it. They often take & return things. They took a small heart ❤️ locket that was my sister’s but I don’t think she liked it. 11:59 am pdt
12 pmpdt I don’t trust incubus he’s trying to change my memories & feelings again. Very disturbing. 12 pmpdt
12:02 pmpdt they’ve been hurting my brain 🧠 for hours? This morning. A few minutes ago they squeezed it was it the whole brain 🧠?? I think it was but I’m having difficulty pelvis lower abdomen cramps 😞😖😭 nausea 12:02 pmpdt remembering. Having cravings now fears again of mad cow 🐮 disease 🦠. I once had a fear & stopped eating beef 🥩 for a while???? I remember I told a friend, she said she didn’t care & needed to eat the beef 🥩 she loved beeef 12:05 pmpdt
1:35 pmpdt b4 my next door 🚪 neighbor moved out, I had a crush 😻 on him. He was married & in the marines. He was short like josh, but reminded me a little of my first real boyfriend. 1:37 pmpdt there were days I woke up 🆙 wanting to do it w/ him (s*x) but I refused to let myself go down that path. I laid in bed 🛌 thinking don’t get up don’t get up don’t get up bcz I was h*rny. The last 6 months? He lived next to me he was alone - his wife moved to their new house 🏠 in another state & he was finishing his requirements for recruiting? I stopped talking to him after I started feeling something. 1:43 pmpdt something about a uniform 🥋....
going back to Nick, I thought 💭 he was s*xy. & when he wanted friends w/benefits I was already h*rny for years. I was already h*rny in middle school 🏫. But I remained a virgin until I was 19 years old. Nick wanted friends with benefits months b4 I turned 16 years old. 1:46 pmpdt
2:02 pmpdt left shoulder pain 😖😭😓 right side jaw pain. What I think 💭 I remember telling Scott was “I like josh. I think he’s cool” 😎 several minutes ago aat the (autocorrect sun devil first)(nihongo ichi nee San yon/shi go roku nana/shichi hachi kyu/ku ju. ...) 2:08 pmpdt
2:18 pmpdt josh made me laugh 😆 after Scott played foosball whipping/spinning the rods very fast so I didn’t have a chance to hit the ball ⚽️. 2:20 pmpdt b4 this? So many details... I will have to review if I already wrote it. My memory is going. The chronology is getting lost in my mind. Maybe that means I wrote it already pain 2:22 pm right eyeball 👁😖😭
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fappellmoan · 2 years ago
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sorry bitterness consumes the soul etc etc <33 i will say though. depending on what is going through her head this could all be really fucking cruel lmfao
#like. alright. idk if she Knows i have feelings for her but given the whole blocked stories thing and whatever like. who knows#what bf said. and whether she is or was at any point genuinely confused or something because she does like him but we. hit it off. and it#was all just a Lot. like that doesn’t give the excuse for the times when it felt like she was sorta.. leading me on. yk. though maybe i was#truly delusional and stupid last semester i don’t know. maybe she just also enjoys talking to me on a friendly level and that’s fine and all#but it’d be really weird if she like. also refuses to acknowledge me outside of class? or anything like that..#or like. basically was just using me to stroke her ego in that sense if she does Know. like that would be shitty#would i like to be friends sure do i think this would absolutely crush my soul probably.#and i’d like to say ohh i don’t think she’s doing xy or z but i truly don’t know her. you know. beyond the little bits#of time we’ve had to talk about our lives and whatever#and anyway. it is stupid that i’ve spent so long trying to guess at what’s on her mind cause i’ll never know unless you know.#we’re ever close enough that we can talk about it or. whatever.#so. i definitely think when i see her again i’m going to take any chance i can to say something about last semester. um yk. in a way that#makes sense i’m not just insane. though i do hope that i can subtly make boyfriend seem really paranoid and weird. sorry. lol. but he was!#honestly if i were hitting on her or trying to make a move i’d understand him being like that but i was polite and friendly#so he has no business getting involved in my personal feelings! yeah i#don’t like him yeah i have feelings for his gf but you get what i mean i’m not. Trying to be an asshole here.#do i wish they’d break up? if she’s not happy. but am i going to like literally be a homewrecker? obviously not again who knows#if i even have the sway to. SORRY i’m being soooo insane one thing about me i can talk about a topic#a million times. anyway.#i just hope it’s not insane emotional manipulation or anything on anyones part i don’t know.#we have a really easy banter so i think it’ll be easy enough to talk to her and then hopefully. have a little bit more clarity as to where#we stand. yk.#abby talks#might delete this later if i decide i’m being a little tooooo 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫#i guess what i’m trying to say is. because this isn’t all the clear and obviously it’d be fine if we’re just friends. but the way we#interact is a little. idk. like we tease each other a lot and it’s like girl idk u tho… i’m having fun but huh?
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lollytea · 4 years ago
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I don’t entirely agree with a lot of the criticisms towards the talespin episode and prefer to go easy on it BUT these bitches did not explain who Molly Cunningham is at all and I kinda think that’s really funny
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aicosu · 6 years ago
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Hey so, I’m making this post mostly for readers of Kismet or Ladylionhart. I knew both her and her story had a pretty hefty following, and despite it not being updated I know as a fic reader myself, I would be wondering what happened if I went looking.  SO! I got a tumblr message a few days ago saying that LadyLionhart’s reylo story “Kismet” was plagiarizing my solavellan story “Message Sent.”  It’s not the first time I’ve been linked stories claiming this. Message Sent is a Wrong Number texting slow burn. And those are way more common than you’d think. Anyway, I investigated, and this time it was pretty damning.  Feeling sorta deflated and honestly just… tired, at seeing the amount of praise in the amount of it clearly ‘heavily inspired’ if not just straight lifted, I didn’t take any screenshots or comparisons. Im not the kind of person to make call out posts. So I messaged Ladylionhart on tumblr, before even deciding to make a report or a post… or whatever. I was also worried maybe I myself was being paranoid about the similarities.  In the morning I got the above messages, and no opportunity to respond, because her entire ao3 account, the story, and her tumblr were all deleted.  So that’s that I guess. Sorry to the readers of Kismet. That sucks. I know it was well loved. Sorry I had to be the one to pull the plug on it.  As I said, I didn’t take any comparison screenshots. I didn’t think it was gonna be straight deleted. But here is my list of notes from what I found similar in the stories, so hopefully it doesnt seem I inadvertantly got it deleted just cause it was a text/wrong number fic.  And if you have read Kismet and want to compare yourself, here is my story Message Sent published in march, 2015  (TFA/reylo came out dec, 2015 and Kismet, from what I remember, was published early 2017) -wrong number au, texting based romance -Professor and younger romance interest, age gap -she calls him professor, he calls her troublemaker  -the first message is about a book, and a misidentify as the professors assistant -Her name is stated, His name is a pseudonym -his texting is super formal, hers is young and casual -scene where he texts her during a meeting  -scene where he shoes her his view from a balcony -scene where she mentions a bakery and he visits  -he leaves her a gift, visit a bookstore -scene where they go to the same party and pass by each other but dont notice -scenes where he shows her pictures of his apartment -text convos about how theyd rather be with each other (flirty pre-sexts) during the party they are at together but dont know it -text convos of her being a roomate/living alone, convos where she trie sto guess his taught subject -She loves his hands/picture of hands not face, he did not mean to take picture of his hands -guided masturbation scene  -scene where he leaves the dinner table because of sexts
Whole text conversations seem lifted straight out of my own fic at times. Which is a little strange to read, since me and my bf roleplayed the texts in my fic. (Reading my boyfriends texts in someone elses fic, even with a slight word or lore change, is just really weird. Sorry im not trying to make this personal, it just happens to be) Kylo/Ben seems to talk a ton like Solas, in tone, cadence, formality. Etc. She also seemed to go on hiatus right before they were to meet and I went on hiatus right after I wrote them meeting. That one could be a coincidence but ehhh I dunno. Maybe she ran out of ideas. 
As far as what my response would have been? I dont know. A simple dedication page would imply I consented and I really… didn’t and I dunno that I would have. I honestly dunno what my response would have been tbh. I’m still unsure. Lots of the lore and surrounding events were changed and word choices were, if not the topics. And I feel for her readers.  But did Kylo have to be a professor? Did they have to visit a bakery/coffeshop/bookstore? Does he have to also show her a picture of his balcony? You can tell this exact same story without these exact details I think. I don’t think I would have cared or messaged her if it was a wrong number and Kylo was a tattoo artist and Rey was a thief who’d stolen the phone, or something.  Anyway, Sorry to all the Kismet readers. Sorry, she decided to delete all her works and account, and not just this story. Hope that clears it up in case you go back to your favorite bookmark and get a 404. :/
EDIT: I do not condone or want anyone calling out Kismet readers for not knowing that it was stolen. Its not their responsibility to check for plagiarism, and uts not their fault at all. It is the fault of the author and even then I DO NOT CONDONE ANY HARASSMENT OR CALLING OUT OF HER EITHER. I speak for myself do not speak for me.
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