#it smells bad 2 me
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I initially started this Tumblr as a fandom blog so that I could post about LoZ, without feeling too guilty or cringe...Though lately, I've be more inclined to keep my head down and wall myself off to any further nonsense the developers say in interviews.
More and more, these interviews are REALLY starting to sound like bait...I dunno??
I seriously cannot tell if they're trying to shake off old die hard fans, or just muster up some outrage to bolster their relevancy...
Either way, it's a bit disheartening. I hope we get to see a new 3rd party game soon, or at the very least, something fresh!!
#though i don't think we will lmao#the company feels a bit like its going thru a major shift#esp after Iwata passed and idk#it smells bad 2 me#i haven't been very impressed lately#and i am such a nintendo fan#yet#yeeet#the disappointment#it festers
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Based on somewhat real events
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I spent way too much time drawing this...
But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you
A continuation (kinda)
#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually#only when I'm already overstimulated#there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong#one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day#I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and#2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others#anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters#I hate drawing their faces so much#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#young stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#young stan pines#art#fanart#traditional art#comic#long post#watercolor#forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well#is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really#I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal#btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags#is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan#teen ford
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now that natlan is out it's tsaritsa yearning hours again because i am one nation closer to either being horribly disappointed or foaming at the mouth!
creator!reader w a little side of conflicted tsaritsa is such good food I can't not yap about it. a woman who has dedicated so much of her life to severing herself from "love" of all kinds and succeeding and. just being so confident that when she meets you she's bitter and angry and mean. because she can't stand you. she isn't supposed to love yet you worm your way into her heart anyway and you don't even know it.
especially in smth like an imposter au. she tells herself your just a tool for her to use but your treated like the Divine you really are, pampered and spoiled every step. tells herself it means nothing when she indulges you – let's you hold her hand in private, eventually let's you move aside the veil, just a little.
and she hates it. hates how easy it is to let you break down the ice she's built up for years.
all you do is smile and she feels like she can't breathe. because despite how violently she rejects love in all aspects, it always bleeds through eventually. she despises it but the way you brush your thumbs over her cheeks makes her bitter and warm and it infuriates her to no end.
she hates you and she loves you and she can't stand you and if you were ever taken from her she'd destroy every inch of teyvat if she had to go get you back.
and ironically enough I think she'd also be the one to initiate any first kiss. maybe she's still trying to convince herself it's just a fluke and itll make her realize it meant nothing, it means nothing. desperate to fix whatever you've done to her and instead it just makes it worse.
a horrible mess of a woman who gave up on love just to be confronted with it when she finally accepted it's absence.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#tsaritsa#new nation releases. i can only think abt the tsaritsa. checks out.#yearning so bad i cracked my phone screen but im still using it 2 make it everyone elses problem lol#this is kind of similar 2 another yapping session i wrote s while back but ehe#snezhnaya will ruin me istg#constantly torn between manipulative tsaritsa and tsaritsa who is nothing but tender because she is love. even if dhe rejects it#she is both and its horrible 2 try snd write like. okay.#soft tsaritsa is so tasty though....kissing your wrist in mock reverence before the archons#letting you snd you alone see her face beneath the veil. smug and horribly arrogant but so madly incomprehensibly in love it consumes u both#but also possessive tsaritsa is so 🤤#reverts to her old ways immediately. frigid ice cube until further notice. she won't confront them in front of you but lord#she is sending them to dottore STAT#shivering at the cold stare of the tsaritsa on your back knowing shes .7 seconds away from making teyvat enter an ice age#i hc her senses like taste/touch/smell r severely dulled. not related just a small hc :]#a fun fact if u will#soft tsaritsa is good but dhehjssjsjs tsaritsa being overprotective and possessive hits different rn.....#i need her to sling me over her shoulder and lock me away just let me bring my cat and heating pad im set#head empty tsaritsa scaring off any other wannabe suitors while acting innocent (no ones buying it bc her glare is MURDEROUS)#that and the floor is starting to ice over.#n e way 💤💤💤
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im going to be thinking about Uruk cuisine for a while
#i want to have din din with adar so bad#i bed adar smells like chicken and pickle based on his diet as seen here#tolkien#the rings of power#trop#trop spoilers#trop season 2#adar#galadriel#i noticed a typo but its no error#ill bed adar dont get me wrong
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sometimes i think about my professor that used to like lowkey have a crush on me (he was at least 55.) last semester and every time i tell my friends about the stuff he did towards me i realize how u incredibly not normal that was
#🎀 - mello talks too much#OKAY NOTHING TOO BAD DONT WORRY#he asked me to take him to the airport one time and drive his car back to his house#he also would stand next to me during tests and just like watch me#like i’m not exaggerating#just WATCH me#at the desk next to me#and then he told me i smelled really good#and then he tried to give me a multitude of answers during the test#and then when i was sitting with my friend he like literally sat on the table i was at and starting talking to me like we are friends#and then he would be like ”he mello TEXT me and remind me to send out homework” like hello?? i’m not texting you??#and one time when i got my haircut he announced to everyone in my lab how he noticed n how good it looked#and NOW i see him sometimes and he steps on my foot and always says hi to me im in front of everyone#and he is so loud#so everyone in my bio class looks at me#also he zipped up my backpack for me like 2 days ago#which doesn’t sound weird but paired with everything else he did#AND THEN he asked for me to come to his field trip with his ecology class#which like#????#what#and he calls me smart like all the time#yeah#he was a strange guy#still see him which is insane#i am totally forgetting more this#things
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me: *goes to the family dollar to get some essentials to help spread the basics I have until my next paycheck like a good little poor person*
family dollar, beckoning me like the snake beckoned eve in the garden:
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#it’s July 😭#to be clear I’m only upset they’re doing it this early because of my bank account#it’s illegal for me to enter a store with a Halloween section without buying at least 2-10 items minimum#I wasn’t TOO bad today I got 3 super cute candles & some cute dish towels & hot mitts#also I didn’t buy wine even though I wanted it I bought the nasty cheap ass vodka you get at family dollar because it’ll stretch more#smart for my bank account not smart for my health but you can’t have it both ways 😇#rose.txt#I’m especially excited about the new candles I immediately lit them & they actually smell good#which is fun because usually cute candles that smell good too aren’t that easy to find
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my neighbour below me got ‘locked out’ of his flat (the literal door handle broke lol) & he rang my buzzer & asked if i had a screwdriver so i went down there & was like omg hello owo here’s ur driver & i met him for the first time & he is indeed a boy 😭😭 so i was helping him by providing moral support i.e. offering to help him cut the door down as i’ve a saw, & then i remembered alllllllll the fuckin chicken wire i’ve left over from trying to make gloria a lid & we managed to make little hooks & fish out parts but it turns out the turning mechanism is what broke not the bolt so we just had to. turn the lil washer in front 😭😭😭
#stream#he was out there for like 2hrs total & i went there like after 30 mins 😭😭😭😭#ALSKALKSLAKSKKSLS he’s so fucking funny i was looking in his room like WHAT U HAVE A CHANDELIER ??? UR DRAPES ACTUALLY WORK ????? AND UR#BLINDS ???? 😭😭😭😭 ALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKS#but to be fair he had black mould so bad that it literally. ate his wall & they had to remove the whole internal wall ALSKALKSALKSLKSALALALA#BUT HE DOESNT HAVE A WINDOW IN HIS BATHROOM SO. HE GETS ANY PRIVACY AT ALL.#there are 3 ‘rooms’ in my house the main portion that’s the bedroom then there’s a door to the kitchen & then on the other side of the#kitchen is a door to the bathroom#there’s 2 windows in the bedroom 1 on each half & then there’s a window in the kitchen that looks directly at the bathroom door & then in#the bathroom there’s another window that looks into the bathroom ALSKALSKLAKALASLAKSLAKSLA#like 😭😭😭😭#I LITERALLY HAVE NO PRIVACY THERES A REASON I HAD TO MAKE THE ROOM DIVIDER OTHER THAN TO SPLIT A BEDROOM#it’s so funny to me but still i love the amount of light that the flat gets#it’s very nice i mean yea the sun goes down at 4.30 but for all the time it’s out im getting solid sunlight in here it’s lovely#‘house’ my glorified studio#idk i don’t like the word ‘home’ for a domicile#like it’s not ‘home’. i’m not home. home is texas lol#take me back to the SWAMP#i still think abt a few months ago when the shitty uni halls were pressure washing everything bc My Birds shit EVERYWHERE & it felt like#mould & dirt#smelled like#& wet & earthy & just omg i was soooo happy it smelled sooo NICE i loved it it was just like being home#it made me so happy
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oh damn, the terrors have kicked in
#its so cold#and i emailed 2 more teachers about my accommodations#and one of them responded back right away asking if i wanted to take the asynchronous online version of the class instead#and the other has a big thing in bold in the syllabus saying computers aren't allowed cuz they're too distracting#i'm scared#like. they'll have to let me use my laptop or else deal with me not taking any notes at all#but still. what if i'm just seen as a whiny loser who wants to cause problems on purpose?#which is literally the thing i'm trying to avoid by being proactive about reaching out as soon as they open up the course#like? what if i go in first day and open up my laptop and they yell at me and then i explode#and then everyone in the room points and laughs and takes pictures and i end up on the news#with big headlines that say 'wow look at this dumbass. theyre soooooo stupid and probably smell bad'#and things of that nature#i know i'm being irrational and i know its probably just a combination of nerves and also being too cold (always fucks up my anxiety)#but also. also. what if they immediately throw hammers at me
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sometimes it’s late at night and you’re cleaning your room and you come across a few old black and white photos of a young girl and you stare at them for a long minute wondering how on earth they got lost in an old Kroger shopping bag with an unopened pack of cigarettes and a receipt dated 2017.
and you look at the girl in the pictures sat on the floor of someone’s home you don’t recognize, smiling and playing with a set of keys and a tiny part of you feels like it recognizes her but you aren’t sure.
and you flip the pictures over hoping to find some sort of annotation that would give you context and all you find is the year 1964 stamped in tiny font along the edge.
and you flip them back over and time stands still as you realize that the recognition you feel is because she looks so much like you once did and next thing you know your hands are sweating and shaking and you have to sit on the floor because you’re crying so hard because it hits you all at once that you’re looking at your mother.
#hey Siri play In Color by Jamey Johnson for me please#music stuff#you should’ve seeeeen it in cooolllloor#Seven.txt#Seven’s Public Diary#normal Sunday night behavior#me? up all night hyperfocused on cleaning out my depression cave to achieve a sense of change and accomplishment -#- and ignoring every other aspect of my life including abandoning time sensitive tasks lest i get distracted and lose all motivation???#more likely than you think!#i’ve been at this since new years and i’m only like. halfway done. Gods help me#like i don’t mean ‘cleaning’ as in doing some light dusting. i mean there’s junk and trash piled 2/3rds of the way to the ceiling#when i call this room my depression/mental illness cave i Mean it#but no longer. i shall finally return this room to an acceptable state for the first time since. uh. 2022? i think?#i found a plastic container of dates buried under some laundry and the sticker says they’re from March of last year lmao#i forgot about those/thought i threw them away. but they were thankfully sealed so well that they hadn’t drawn any bugs#and oddly enough hadn’t even visibly molded/gone bad. but i didn’t open them up for a smell test i just chucked ‘em in my giant trash bag#i’m finding all kinds of shit i forgot i even had which is nice but it’s also distracting me like those pictures did#i’ll have to show them to her and ask her about them tomorrow#and ur probably like ‘u found old pics of a girl that looks like you why didn’t you immediately recognize ur own mom’#and 1. there’s countless pics of countless old relatives around this house that i barely/don’t recognize and never even met#and 2. i’ve barely ever seen any pics of my mom from such a young age so i have no images to reference in my mind#and it just fucked me up bc. i don’t look like her anymore. i only see Him in the mirror. but i Used to look like her. i’m turning into him#and i fucking hate it so much. i don’t like that she looks at me and sees him. great now i feel sick.#anyways thats enough reminiscing i need to get some water and food in me and get back to cleaning. i shan’t rest until i’m satisfied#well. my period + depression combo kinda Did make me rest which is why it’s taken 5 days but still. the horrors persist but so do i#it’s not just for the sense of accomplishment tho. i also need to move the 75gal tank out of the living room thanks to the floor situation#so i’m trying to make room in my room for it since it has the newest & strongest floor. i just need to find a level spot thats big enough#my back is gonna be so fucked after all this cleaning that i’ll have to rest for a fucking week before moving that heavy ass glass box#i hate moving big aquariums it makes me so anxious. and i literally don’t know if i’ll have anyone capable of helping me#so it might not even happen and it’ll just have to sit empty in the living room forever. but Maybe he can/will help me
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I gotta be honest, I don’t engage with the Criminal Minds fandom (despite having watched all of the original show + Evolution and read up on as much of the spin-offs as I could) because I don’t like how prevalent the racism and sexism and infantilization is in the fandom. There’s just enough of all that shit upfront that I don’t want to dig any deeper than I already have. I’m good, I get enough of that shit in fandoms that I’ve been apart of for years I’m not gonna let this shit sully my love for this show anymore than it already has (especially considering the show’s writing itself is not devoid of these faults).
I’d rather just love the show and dissect it and write analysis and fanfic for it and shit on my own.
My fav characters (just cause & kind of in best to least order): Penelope Garcia (she’s literally me, I love her), Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, Jordan Todd, Matt Simmons, David Rossi.
#like I’ll never forget or forgive the amount of vitriol Jordan Todd got and still gets from fans despite barely lasting on the show#the hate is disproportionate and reeks of nothing but misogynoir#criminal minds#just the way I saw Ashley Seaver being talked about and how misogynistic the language being used to criticize her character was enough to#throw me off of the broader fandom— and I don’t even like her like that she was just there#criminal minds critical#then there’s how much of the larger vocal parts of the fandom shit on Derek without taking any of the nuances into account from his#character (like they do with there white favs)#and how much bad faith readings of his character are put into people’s opinion pieces of Derek#and I just don’t fuck with that#like it’s weird that all the white characters in the BAU get whole dissertations when people write hcs but the black ones (even Derek) will#get some generic ass hc that’s not even character specific#like everyone gets these well thought out ‘what they’d smell like’ hcs that’re 1-2 paragraphs long & Derek’s is one line that’s just like:#‘he smells like axe body spray because he’s a fuck boy duh’ and that was it#like just no fucking care or effort (Derek is a black man & a womanizer - he’s too refined for the ‘fuck boy’ title) y’all know he smells#like that good expensive cologne that Penelope couldn’t get enough of and that lingered in a room after he left#don’t play with me#I hate how much Reid gets babied too and while he’s not one of my fav characters I still really like him but how much he’s lowkey watered#down in fandom to be the ‘poor little skinny white boy meow meow’ is annoying as shit and undermines his character (in my opinion)#even how centered the male characters are irritates me to some extent but this fandom has more female leading ships than most#the shipping culture is also just toxic af despite that#but yeah#I could say more but I don’t feel like typing in the tags anymore#BYE HEIFERS#✨trix speaks✨
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Snow is canceled forever and ever bc it's so so scary to drive in. I don't want to drive in snow ever again. It was not even an inch though. But it was still SoScary. Unfortunately I am a Hoosier, so snow driving is inevitable.
#speculation nation#me just barely starting to get comfortable with driving my beautiful Tesci then WHAM#just 2 days after buying her im hit with Snow Driving (for the first time in my life!!!!)#i went to walmart after my failed appointment to buy some shit for my car. bc i went Oh Fuck sitting in there with snow on my windshield#bc i bought this car Two Days Ago so i didnt have a fucking scraper or brush yet 😭😭😭😭#i changed that tho. also bought a winter emergency kit. complete with jumper cables flashlight and blanket. plus some other stuff#oh SHOVEL. apparently. idk how they fit it in there. i just kinda left it in my car lol i did not care to open it yet.#i also got some air freshener stuff for my car. bc it has a bit of a scent to it.#used to belong to a smoker i guess. tho it's not too bad + i actually kinda like lingering smoke smell#But Also i wanna have my car with a scent i chose. so i bought... Leather Scent (???) air freshener#'hearth. pepper. and bourbon' idk how thats Leather but it smells good. so i got it.#ALSO bought some gloves im gonna keep in my car as driving gloves. theyre kinda sleek.#and ummmmm i bought some christmas lights. ill hang them up Somewhere. no energy for that rn but they were cheap and i love string lights#so i got them anyways. i'll come up with smth to do with them eventually.#i also bought a few food things. as a way to cheer myself up. ate some cream puffs after dinner today... mmmm#and it felt rly nice to leave the store and load up a car and not have to haul all of that back by hand.#even if i was also Very Scared of going back out in the snow hfmshfmsbd#it's supposed to be a bit warmer today than it was yesterday tho (by today i mean tuesday. bc it is in that realm now)#but ahhh. i might have a presentation today. i need to rest up so i can get ready for that.#sleepy time for me time. yes
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complaining post u can scroll
#can i just like. say something#i don’t want to be That Guy who rains on ppl’s parades but at some point idk how to be like. ‘‘don’t do that it’s dangerous’’#like OBVIOUSLY weed is bad for your lungs but at least it has some positive effects#but like. sigh. cigarettes#i want to tell my friends Please Don’t and I do mean it in the ‘‘don’t become addicted’’ way but#also#this is going to sound fucking stupid#it’s a trigger? that word has been watered down so much but the smell of cigarette smoke#genuinely makes me sick to my stomach and on edge and want to cough my lungs out#which i used to chalk up to being autistic and being sensitive to the 5 senses. but i’m fine with most bad smelling things. weed idec#now i’ve come to terms with it and it sounds like i’m making shit up bc. boo hoo your grandmother smoked cigarettes and thats why#you’ll feel like you’re going to die if anyone within a block of you is smoking one. get fucking real#sorry guys those stop smoking campaigns were designed for my comfort specifically <3#the last time i was around a cigarette and didn’t notice was bc i was in a concert and there were 50 billion other things to pay attention 2#i don’t wanna come off as puritanical and stuff#i’m always at least a little afraid of that#my ramblings
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i am gods strongest soldier (just endured worlds worst tummy ache and several bouts of nausea)
#pain was so bad I just forced myself to fall asleep so I wouldn't have to deal with it. slept 2.5 hours and through 2 classes yayyy#now im awake and I am feeling. My stomach only hurts a little but i am like. Susceptible to nausea#im eating plain saltines in my bedroom bc the faint smell of food in the kitchen made me unwell#Im gonna try and go to mg last class bc it's my favorite class (statics) and I love it a lot (math :3)#and also bc I dont't wanna try and struggle to do the in class assignment at home lmao#gonna have to email my professor and set up a meeting since I missed all of his classes this week#oughhhh#lilac post
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ourghhhhhhh
#first all nighter ^_^ I am experiencing so much in uni ^_^#and I’ve got someone else’s hoodieee (the guy I stayed up with it’s his he’s. Bigger than me I am. Disappear)#very comfy it smells nice alsoo……. I feel. A new feeling I think. It’s not really bad. Hm.#he fell asleep should I wake him up the intention was to reset and get off Vancouver time and on Toronto time#but sleeping at 1:30 I think will not help that.#but also he’s. really grumpy. And supposedly hits ppl in his sleep if they try to wake him up— oh he’s up cool.#todays diary entry is. Mostly ourgh and also he smells good (platonically. I am so platonic about this.)#oh nap time 4 real. I don’t think the reset is going to work no. Alas.#^_^ I have class I need to stay up a bit more…#Hmmmmmm. I. Got some work done I think I stayed up just 4 fun. Cuz I haven’t done it bf. And he wanted to 4 some reason.#Well. I’m gonna chill 4 an hour then go 2 class.#good bye 4 now…
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grief is such a weird emotion bc i can be fine most of the time even if it think about it, but then sometimes thinking about it digs it up all over again
#in regards both to my cat and my grandma though i was mostly thinking about my grandma when i wrote this#i was fine the next day after she died bc like. it was expected. she was in hospice for several months#and a nurse had been staying with her 24/7 for the last 2 days. the nurse told us it probably wouldnt be long on the last day.#we knew it was coming so i didnt feel too bad right after it happened. it was only when the mortician showed up that it sunk in#but the next day i was fine. if she got brought up in conversation id get a bit sad but i was mostly fine after that day#and its been. like. a little more than 3 months since then#i havent been thinking about it much but idk. sometimes it just pops into your head and you get reminded that she isnt here anymore#sometimes i still feel like shes still there when i walk into that room. it still partially smells the same#i turn on the light and feel like im somewhere im not supposed to be until i realize that we cleared out her stuff months ato#you wouldnt know that someone was bedridden and in hospice in there just from looking at it#but sometimes i just get that mental image of her being in there. or when she was in a nursing facility for a time and mostly normal#when we thought she was just almost septic and not nearing the end#the stupid doorbell we had her ring when she needed something that made us all jump whenever we heard a similar sound#the fact that the last blanket she ever started crocheting is still in that room and never finished#her rocking chair that has been sitting empty for probably over a year now#the haunted lamp in what used to be her bedroom pre-hospice that keeps turning on#the fact that her cars no longer in the driveway#idk. thinking about it doesnt like. actively make me cry or anything. but it is like. a lurking feeling#like ive been aware and fine with the fact that shes gone. and has been gone#but sometimes i really... remember that shes gone#i still forget that its like. a permanent thing and that shes not just in the hospital again#i wouldnt say i feel too much grief about her dying. i feel more about my cat that died 8 years ago.#but it is a weird feeling to recognize. maybe i only felt sadder about my cat bc (to me) it was unexpected#idk.
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moving w my cat is crazy she’s so little she doesn’t know anything and she’s moved so many times she was on the street and she got taken in when she was young and malnourished and then moved to my family’s house and then i took her on a very long car trip to another state and she lived with my roommate and then two other peoples houses while the paperwork went through. and i would leave her sometimes but come back and now i have a place that isn’t the dorms and it’s her and me in this upstairs bedroom and she doesn’t know what college is or jobs or where i go when i leave all she knows is she’s in another new place now and that i love her. but at least she knows i love her.
#was trying 2 look at her affectionately as i type the end of this post but she’s in the litter box lmao#this room is pretty small so i’ll have to get doggy bags to keep the litter from smelling i think#dropped her off last night and then left for a few hours and she was so so so happy to see me when i got back#purring and rubbing all over me#i feel bad for leaving her but i came back#i’m always gonna come back for her
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