#it should really be two different fics maybe ill split it up at some point | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sasukimimochi · 2 years ago

Text

MCYT / DSMP FANFICTION-

His Forever Home

Hi! Warning that this is a discontinued series, and i only have about 3 chapters but i wanted to share it since people seemed to want me to post my abandoned fics regardless of status. I'm going to post 1/2/3 together in this same post because they aren't long chapters.

I'm not sure any warnings apply, but if they do i'm going to say to just read at your own risk. i don't remember actual violence being in this fic, but if there is, there's your warning: possible but unlikely violence pffpfp - actually, maybe terminal illness could be a warning? it's not really, it's a different thing, but it feels similar, so i will add the warning. [also, no! no character was planned to die, so just letting you know there's no MCD here].

This fic is obv supposed to be platonic so don't be weird if i have worded something not quite right, especially since i wrote this two years ago now and i dont wanna proofread it lmao. please excuse any writing errors as well. I hope you enjoy it for what it is!

Theme: Awesamdad / Tommyinnit centric (child tommy); Fantasy; Adoption?

So let's get into it! fic is under the keep reading line.

His Forever Home

[1] Soundless Voice

The usual trip home was late at night today. Sam could hear the quiet rustle of leaves, ears perked up to listen to the sound. It wasn’t usually quite this calm, but he found himself enjoying it, thanking whatever watched over them for the moment of respite.

Well, until it suddenly wasn’t so quiet.

He could hear what he believed to be crying. Not so loud that it felt normal, audible but weak and filled with little strained breaths.

Sam slowed his pace, ears swiveling and red pupils sharpened in an attempt to locate where it was coming from. It wasn’t what you would expect to hear from a cry, after all there were no underlying tones of voice. It was sniffly, wet, and breathy. Regardless, it was someone or something crying and he immediately veered off the path carefully to investigate.

He didn’t find the source immediately, but it gave the man time to deduct who it was to be young, judging by the sound of their cries. He’d been around at least one or two of the members of their server being raised, and crying was just something all children did at some point. Short, messy sniffles and voiceless sobs, where there should be loud, child-like wails. It was unusual to hear.

The hybrid slowly pushed branches aside, catching a glimpse of gold and paused. “…Hello? Are you okay?” He started to move aside the leaves, only for his hands to rapidly get swatted at and for the crying to become a bit more frantic. “H-hey, it’s okay…It’s okay.” He tried to placate whoever it was, voice low and soothing as he moved back some to give the little thing more space.

“I’m just here to help…are you hurt? Are you lost?” Sam waited patiently, hoping the kid wouldn’t be too afraid to move, or worse, dart off. “I’m not here to hurt you, I promise on my honor as a Guardian.”

He waited, listening to the soft sniffles and hiccups of this potentially lost lamb as he stewed over possible things he could do to help the kid once he was actually in his custody. He held his breath as a wide, silvery eye peeked out from behind the leaves, framed by messy, muddy, golden curls and reddened, puffy skin. The kid’s eyes looked like starlight, little fractals catching light and splitting the iris with fades of distant blue until it reached his stark white pupils.

“There you are…are you okay—oof,” Sam let out a surprised grunt as the boy rushed out and slammed into him, hiding his face into the only unarmored section of the man’s torso, which happened to be the nook of his arm. Surprised, He knelt down properly to make sure the kid had support, a sadness sinking into him when he actually came into contact with the boy. He was so thin. So, so thin.

Sam gently cradled him, slowly standing and making sure the kid had support under his legs and his back so he didn’t fall. “This might be difficult, but can you speak?” The kid had just done a lot of crying, and who knows how long he’d gone without water. Sam wasn’t sure he could speak.

The child slowly looked up at the man, though he kept his head pretty low and avoided uncurling himself from his little spot against the hybrid. He pursed his mouth, eyebrows furrowed and eyes moist as if threatening once again to burst into tears. “It’s okay…” Sam quietly spoke, “We’ll figure it out. How about we get you to my home and get you a bit of food and water. When you’re ready you can tell me what happened or where I can take you to get you home.”

Sam was tired from the long day, but he had enough energy to get him home and help the kid get fed, hydrated and in bed. He was pretty thankful they fell asleep on the way back, though it did make getting his armor off when he got home a bit difficult. This kid did not want to let him go. Eventually he managed to get his armor off, and melted into his armchair, letting out an exhausted sigh.

There was so much he needed to do, but he supposed he would need to start by getting the kid cleaned and changed into something else. He would have to wait until the morning to contact anyone about the kid, though he knew a good handful of them would be up still, he didn’t want to be wrong and disturb someone’s sleep. He could handle this for the night, just a few more hours.

“Hey…?” Sam gently rubbed the kid’s back, continuing his softened tone. “You okay to get cleaned up? After you get clean you can have a bit of food, some water…” He paused, letting out another deep sigh when the child tightened his grip and pressed his face more firmly into the other’s shirt. “I can hold you again after. I’ll be right there if you need me, too—but you’re covered in mud. I can’t put you to bed like that.”

Sam felt Fran prop their legs up onto the couch and place her head onto his knee, causing the man’s ears to perk up slightly. “Do you like Puppies?” Sam was glad to see the boy eventually give a little nod. “Okay, Fran can come with us then and help keep you calm; she’s a lovely support dog.”

The kid lifted his head and stared apprehensively at the dog, but did reach out in the end to give her head a little pat. The positive response the boy received had him relaxing slightly, watching as she nuzzled his hand and booped her snoot up against his arm. “That’s it…Fran is the best lady.” Sam smiled, clicking his tongue to signal for her to get down so he could get up.

“You can pet her as much as you want while we get you clean. Would you like that?” Sam chuckled softly as the little boy nodded, glad to see him opening up little by little.

He sat the boy down on the toilet lid, finally getting to take a good look at the kid. There was no way he was 10, he must be 7 or 8 at the most, if the kid was smaller than he should be. Instead, he nearly looked like he was 6. After getting him undressed, Sam lowered him into the warm water, watching as Fran kept their nose within his reach while he gently washed the boy in little swirling circles.

What he started to notice though was a marking on the boy’s neck. It was so caked in mud that he hadn’t even noticed it at first glance, but now…as he carefully pulled away dried flakes of mud and rinsed it away, Sam’s heart dropped.

This wasn’t normal.

But what was worse, once the mud was gone, it was bleeding. Thing is, it should not be. There were no openings in his skin, no cut, merely darkened marks in a swirl-like burn. Inwardly, Sam shuddered in horror at the thought someone could do something like this to a child.

Sam paused when the kid touched his face, eyes focusing back on the little, now clean, face of the boy. Angry, but worried. That was an interesting expression.

“I’m okay, kid. Did I worry you?” Sam smiled a bit, draining the very dirty water so he could finish cleaning the boy with fresh water from the shower head and one of the goat milk soaps he owned. The kid huffed softly, but closed his eyes as water ran back over his head.

In a matter of moments, they were wrapped up in a big fluffy towel and on the couch. “Okay, let me patch that neck of yours and then I can make you a bit of food.” The boy watched as Sam wandered to the bathroom to get the first aid kit, hands buried in Fran’s fur.

Sam wasn’t exactly a nurse, but he was able to successfully patch and wrap the marking loosely, just enough so that blood wouldn’t get everywhere wherever he went. “That feels better?” Sam hummed, pleased with the nod of affirmation. “Alright, you just stay here with Fran a little longer, okay? I’ll make you something to eat and then I’ll see what we can do about something for you to wear until later.”

And he needed to figure out the kid’s name. While the kid wasn’t able to talk, hopefully he was old enough that he knew how to write a little.

After a good long moment of staring at the fridge, eventually Sam started to make tea sandwiches. Sam really hoped the kid liked cucumber and cream cheese because he really needed something in his stomach, even if he started small. He reheated soup for himself, soon settling back on the couch next to the two.

Sam started by helping the kid drink some cold water, but moved to the sandwich relatively quickly, holding it up for him. “Here…try this?” He moved it to within reach of the boy’s mouth. “It’s really good, I like having these when I’m sick, or can’t eat much.”

The boy looked very unsure, but eventually did take a bite. Slowly, he held it himself and started to work through it bite by bite, until he’d finished one half and the entire glass of water. “Good job.” Sam praised, “Do you want the other half?” He paused and upon receiving a shake of the head, he continued, “That’s alright. I’ll put it away for later.”

Sam worked on eating his dinner while the kid tangled his hands into Fran’s fur. By the time he was done, the kid was dozing again, head pressed against her brow. Like the wonderful dog she was, she supported the child, adjusting her head as needed to keep him from falling.

Sam didn’t have children’s clothes. Not something small enough to fit the boy at least. He sighed at the clothes he owned, gently pushing hanging clothes to the side as he tried to find something he could maybe work with. Nothing was that small though. He furrowed his brow, staring at the closet and letting out a deep sigh of frustration.

Well, I could probably tear up an older shirt and make it smaller somehow for the night…

He dug into some old boxes, eventually pulling out one of his old tees from when he was younger, dark blue and grey and in no way fitting him any longer.

“That’ll do…” He stared at it, wondering what he could do to make it smaller, before draping it over his arm and wandering to his workshop. Soon, he’d pinched the cloth together on its back and sewn along the line, so that it would at least not completely fall off his little body when he put it on.

The kid didn’t seem too entirely interested in getting up at this point, but once Sam came back he had his hands up as if begging to be lifted. “Put this shirt on and we can tuck you in, if you want Fran can sleep with you tonight, too.”

After a bit of squirming, the kid was covered and once again saddled on Sam’s arm while he carried them to the bed. “Fran? Come on, good girl.” He petted across her head after she hopped onto the bed, then pulled back the blanket to tuck the boy in. “There we go…comfy now?” He sat beside the bed, starting to dig through the drawer on the side table to find one of his memo books.

Sam could feel the kid’s eyes on him, boring into the side of his head as if he wanted something, so he wasn’t surprised to see the kid staring at him when he moved back to face him. “Can you write? At least your name, and if you can manage anything else, maybe how you’re feeling…?” Sam held out the little notebook, glad to see the kid actually start to use it once he had it in his hands.

T O M M Y.

S L E E P Y.

Tommy’s writing was all uppercase, and very messy. At least he didn’t seem to be in pain though, that was always a plus. “Hello Tommy…it’s nice to meet you. Since you’re sleepy I’ll go ahead and let you be, Fran can stay here with you—“ Sam had moved to get up, but stopped when Tommy grabbed onto his arm and looked up at him with pleading eyes, he doesn’t have it in him to pull away.

“Alright…I’ll stay, I’ll stay.” He moved his hands to instead card through the boy’s damp curls, watching as he relaxed and leaned into his hand. Sam had a small thought, but he decided to promptly ignore it. He was not getting attached; he didn’t even know where the kid came from.

As the child fell asleep though, Sam’s chest was warm and his smile soft.

He was probably doomed from the start.

[2] The Six Swans

Sam woke up feeling somewhat suffocated. He lifted his head off the bed, and very quickly realized why. A certain boy had wrapped himself around his head and he had a face full of shirt and bony torso. “Mmm?? Tommy…?” He wriggled himself loose and took a deep breath, laughing quietly as they instead wrapped their arms around Sam’s shoulders and nuzzled into his collar bone.

Sam gently lifted the boy, gently clicking his tongue to alert Fran while he cradled Tommy to his chest. “Alright, alright…Sleepy boy is still quite tired I see…” He stretched his own legs as he walked, yawning quietly as he dug in a drawer looking for something he could sling the boy in. “This’ll have to do…” As it turns out, his apron was a really good sling if he tied it right. Good thing the kid wasn’t a newborn, only thing Tommy needed was a little support to stay clung to his neck.

“How about some breakfast, hm?” Sam gently petted the top of the little boy’s sleepy head, smiling quietly as he opened the freezer to grab some frozen fruits. “I wonder if Dream is too busy at this hour…” He sighs, chopping the fruit a little bit so they were more manageable for his blender. “Do you like bananas?” He gently asked, waiting for the feeling of their little head moving to confirm the nod. “Alright, banana berry smoothie it is. Sorry the blender will be a bit loud…”

After he added in a splash of milk, one hand being used to help cover the other’s ears while the blender runs. The boy squirms slightly from the noise, burying his face further into their shoulder and huffing. Sam rolled his eyes and smiled, sooner than later hitting the off switch and moving to get something that he could eat out of while humming a quiet tune.

The familiar tune had Tommy’s hands tightening and relaxing into little fists. God, someone was going to have to pry the child away from him at this rate. He hoped once he found out who the kid belonged to that he could at least come visit from time to time, maybe baby sit.

“Alright…can I put you down so you can eat?” Sam took the bowl over to the couch, managing to get Tommy to let go and sit bundled in one of the throws he usually had laying over the cushions. “Think you can eat a few bites of this?” Sam got a small spoonful and brought it up to the others lips, pleased when the boy took a few tentative sips.

The sleepy boy looked all rosy in the morning, hair a messy mop of curls and cowlicks, cheeks bright pink and eyes half-lidded with drowsiness. Sam’s ears lowered, letting out a low, concerned warble when Tommy started to refuse more after only a few sips. “It’s okay…we’ll try again around lunch.”

It didn’t take long for the boy to reach up, silently asking to be carried again. Sam smiled sadly and gently pulled him up to nestle into his shoulder again.

Awesamdude: Hey, Dream? You too busy rn?

Dream: mm. not really, just woke up though. whats up?

Awesamdude: I found a kid on my way home last night.

Dream: you what? they ok?

Awesamdude: Sort of. I need you to come look at his code, like there’s a mark on his neck.

Awesamdude: he’s not said a word to me since I took him in, and I’m concerned he might be like…I don’t know, something seems wrong and without him being able to speak to me I can’t figure out what it is.

Dream: A mark?

Awesamdude: It’s not like a scar, but it bleeds and it kinda looks like a burn. It…I don’t know, it could me an intentional thing placed on him.

Awesamdude: I have managed to get a little food and water in him, but he’s thin. I don’t know how long he’s been out there.

Dream: something intentional… okay, I’ll be over soon, alright? I’ll let Niki know you need some clothes for him. How big is he?

Awesamdude: He’s about the size of a 6 year old. Really thin, he’s probably just shy of 3 ft tall so he’s still really tiny…

Dream: jesus they’re just a kid…

Awesamdude: yeah, I butchered an old shirt of mine so he wasn’t running around in his birthday suit.

Awesamdude: Anyway, see you when you’re here. Little guy is really clingy, think he’s got some separation anxiety.

Dream: right, see you soon

Sam let out a deep sigh and dismissed his comm, leaning back against the couch while rubbing gentle circles into the boy’s back. His ears turned up, tilting his head down slightly to listen to their breathing.

The boy’s lungs were crackling quietly, breath warm and shallow. It was almost like… Sam’s heart dropped and he carefully swaddled the boy in his make-shift sling again, hand supporting the back of his head as he wandered to the bathroom to forage in the medicine cabinet. “Under your tongue,” He whispered, gently poking a thermometer into his mouth, and waited.

Sam furrowed his brow, letting out a worried sigh as he shook the thermometer. Tommy had a fever, and while it wasn’t too high right now, he guessed it would get worse before it got better. In his weak condition, he didn’t like those odds.

Awesamdude: please bring a fever potion, if you can get more I’ll pay you back

Dream: will do

For now, Sam went about blending more fruit smoothies and putting them into popsicle molds. If the kid’s temperature got worse, he’d need ways to regulate it as much as he could—freezing little trays with water for ice cubes if he couldn’t stomach the smoothies, and putting water and juice into the fridge to keep it nice and chilly.

“Tommy, a friend of mine will be here soon…he’s going to look at your code and see what’s wrong with your throat…” Sam felt the boy move slightly, indicating he’d been heard. “I can keep holding you for now, but realistically I can’t keep you on me all the time…” He felt the child’s grip tighten, and he deflated slightly, ears drooping a bit. “Fran can keep you company while I use the bathroom and stuff.”

Sam sighed quietly as he felt their little hands tighten on his clothes and release. He needed to have someone around to help him curb this separation anxiety.

A knock had his ears perking up, setting aside the rag he was wiping the countertop with and moved towards the entrance to hit the opening button with his foot. “Hey, thanks for coming so early in the morning…” Sam shook the man’s hand briefly yet firm, as they usually did.

Tommy curled up more, pressing his face into Sam’s neck as if trying to escape the noise. Sam gently made a ‘shhhh’ noise and rubbed circles into his small back, looking up with a pleading expression to the man. “Did you get the potion? He’s got a fever…” He speaks softly, not wanting to disturb the boy more than he already had.

The shorter man pulled his hood down and removed his mask, giving a soft hum of concern. “I did, I’ll take a look at his code first though before we introduce that to his system.” Dream walked in and then sat down the satchel he’d been carrying, removing a string of tied potion bottles from the bag and hung them on a hook above the counter.

“You said you found him last night?” Dream’s brow furrowed, forest green eyes with hints of sun-kissed lime scanning over the two.

“Yeah…in the forest, on the way back from my current build.” Sam sat in front of Dream, letting the smaller male hover his wrapped hands over the bundle in his arms. The glow coming from his hands flurried with numbers, pupils scanning the child’s figure as he slowly moved his hands over different areas of his form.

Tommy’s eyes opened slightly, giving a soft breath that sounded a bit scared, and right after little hands flying up to hold onto Sam’s ears and pulling. “Ow! Ow, owow, Tommy, Tommy, easy—“ Sam gently pulled the other’s fingers off his ears and frowned slightly in concern, gently rubbing their little palms with his thumbs. “It’s okay, I’ve known him for a really long time, he’s not gonna hurt you…he’s just checking your code. It’s confusing, but it’ll help us figure out what’s happening with you.”

Tommy made a few noises with his breath that Sam deducted as what could be silent whimpers, really wishing at that moment he didn’t have a giant bulky mask on so he could nuzzle their hair.

“Shhh…shh, shh,” Sam gently ran his fingers through the little boy’s hair, doing his best to calm the boy so Dream could finish. “Do you want to pet Fran again?” He clicked his tongue, said dog trotting up to the two, partially hopping up on the chair, then weaseling her snout in between their two bodies so she could lick the boy’s cheek and make little huffs in his face.

Tommy seemed to get into a better mood, wrapping his arms around her snout and resting his head against hers. Sam let out a relieved sigh, gently petting his back but avoiding Dream’s hands until he was done.

“…Sam, uh…” Dream rubbed the back of his neck, brows furrowed so much more tightly than before. “I don’t…know if he’ll…” He cleared his throat when Sam’s face dropped. “Uh, he’s…cursed, Sam. He hasn’t said anything because he can’t, and it’s not doing anything good for his body, either.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asked, voice uncharacteristically sharp, yet soft. Not angry, but on the edge of despair. Dream wasn’t surprised, Sam cared a lot about his friends and family, but…this was a stranger. To Dream, it sounded the same as if Sam would have been told one of his close friends was terminally ill. This kid had certainly wiggled into his heart quickly…

“Sam…” Dream looked hesitant for a moment, then opened up his comm to give Sam a private message, which the man promptly opened.

Dream: The curse is killing him. He’s too young to properly recover from it- an adult could survive it and just live mute, or live long enough to break it, but…he’s going to get a lot worse.

Dream: Sam, I think he’s too delicate.

Sam’s hand shook on the communicator, swallowing thickly with glassy eyes. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t let it happen, there had to be a way—another ping came through.

Dream: The best you can do is help him stay comfortable. I’ll try to find his family, and I’ll try to figure out if there’s any way to lift it…Don’t let yourself get more attached. The hopes aren’t high.

He knew what Dream said was true. But that didn’t stop the tears running down his face. It didn’t stop how much it hurt. It didn’t stop the ache.

Don’t take my child away.

[3] Summertime Sadness

Sam slowly moved his thumb across Tommy’s back, very aware of his hand as he stared at the small, sleeping boy.

“I think he’s too fragile.”

“The best you can do is help him stay comfortable.”

Sam’s eyes welled up again, breath catching in his throat. Cursed…the child he’d found was cursed and dying. He gently stroked the child’s spine, letting himself feel the little bumps and dips and watching as he breathed.

Why should a child have to die? Nothing he did, as a child, would deserve this kind of punishment. Tommy was so sweet, tired, but so sweet and soft and…small.

He barely had it in him to do what he needed to, making sure the kid got a bit food and water in him, kept him comfortable, carried him around close with his little head pressed into the man’s shoulder.

I got that summertime, summertime sadness—

Sam had the radio playing quietly on the counter as he gently swayed in the center of his living room, humming quietly along to the lyrics as he listened to the little thing breathe shakily on his chest. He found out quickly that Tommy slept the best when he laid over his heart, something about the rhythmic beat soothing his bones.

Dancin' in the dark, in the pale moonlight—

Sam’s voice cracked softly, trying his best to keep himself together but failing miserably the longer he thought about the small child’s fate. What could he do? He was just a hybrid.

Think I'll miss you forever, Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky—

Sam tucked his head over those soft, golden locks, eyes closing as tears slipped down his cheeks and onto the new cotton mask he wore. He really was gonna miss this kid.

I got that summertime, summertime sadness Summertime, summertime sadness—

Sam let out a soft sob, feeling the curls rub against his chin as Tommy moved to lift his head. Wide, silver hues matched bright green and blues, the overflowing tears falling onto his little cheeks. “I’m sorry…” Sam whispered, “I-I didn’t mean to wake you.”

The kid raised his hands, small palms and little fingers holding his clothed face. His face looked sickly, but he had that fiery look in his eyes again, that—that determination, that look that was just so Tommy, like nothing was ever going to take him down.

Sam’s features softened, and his ears lowered as this kid comforted him. He didn’t need to hear a word to understand that this child was telling him to stop giving up.

It felt special. He’d been in love before, but not like this. It felt like he was holding sunrays, blighted by rain clouds but never losing its light. He loved this kid, he wouldn’t let him fall to this.

He was going to find the way, even if he had to give up part of himself to do it.

“Thank you, Tommy.” Sam let his smile reach his eyes, leaning in to rest his mouth against the other’s curls, hand supporting the child’s head. “One way or another, we’ll make it through this. You’ll make it through this.” Sam smiled slightly as he felt the other tug on his ears, finding that it hurt less and became more endearing when Tommy did it.

Even though he was still scared for what could happen, he’d try to keep up hope. He’d be the pillar Tommy needed.

Got that summertime, summertime sadness Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

Sam was helping Tommy hold an ice pop to eat when he heard a knock on his door. “Oh…” He wandered over to the door and kicked the button gently, watching as the door opened to reveal his smiling, pink and blonde haired friend.

“Niki! Hey, I was wondering when you were coming by.” He welcomed the girl in, careful not to bring his voice up too much so that Tommy stayed comfortable. “How are you?” He asked, making sure the door closed properly before turning back to her.

“I’m doing very well, thank you.” She smiled, rosy irises giving a bit of a sparkle in greeting. “I heard you needed some baby clothes, so I have delivered.” She held up her bag, stuffed to the brim with possibilities. “I had to do some guesses in size, but I can adjust things if they’re too big.”

She giggled when it looked like Tommy frowned at her for the baby comment, “I’m sorry…they’re for a big man like yourself.” Tommy nodded a bit, continuing to make a mess on the towel Sam had placed between Tommy and his chest to make sure he wasn’t getting covered in juice.

Sam smiled, tail flicking behind him. “Thank you so much Niki…I really appreciate it, I feel bad making him wear nothing but my big shirts.” Niki waved a hand and placed the bag on the counter, starting to sort through it, one article at a time.

“I got this little sweater here, it’s pink because I had a lot of that laying around, but it's pale enough to not be too extreme.” She held up a small sweater, soft and adorned with a golden sun in the middle. “My favorite is this light blue one with the sunflowers though—“

And soon, Tommy was cleaned up and in a new set of clothes. Along with that, Niki had brought a new sling that would work much better for supporting Tommy while he was being carried around.

Sam had decided on him wearing the sunflower top with dark blue shorts, and luckily it wasn’t so big it fell off of him, so they decided the others could be adjusted while he wore this outfit. “You look handsome,” Sam gently informed, chuckling softly as Tommy, now exhausted, nuzzled back into his shoulder. “Thank you Niki…cash in a favor from me anytime. I owe you.”

Niki smiled brightly and waved her hand. “It’s no problem. When he gets better you should take him to the bakery so I can spoil him.” Niki giggled, finishing folding the clothes she needed to adjust back into her bag. “Do you need any help? I can watch him for a bit while you have a shower.”

Sam debated, hand quietly petting Tommy’s back. “I would like a shower…but he’s got quite a bit of separation anxiety. He might be okay if Fran is here with you two…we could try it briefly?” He didn’t really want to leave Tommy, but he hadn’t showered in a couple days. It would be nice.

“Sure…we’ll take it slow.” Niki took off her extra top, approaching the two as Sam untied the sling and helped Niki get situated with Tommy. Tommy seemed a bit too tired to really fight it, but when Sam pulled his hands away, he furrowed his small brow and held out a hand in Sam’s direction, letting out a whimper-like breath.

“Aw, Tommy…it’s okay, I’ll be right back I promise…and Fran will be here, and Niki. Niki is really sweet I promise.” Sam let the other hold his finger, ears lowering in an attempt not to make too big of a display of affection in front of Niki. “I’ll give you all the nuzzles you want when I’m back.” He gently cooed, flushing slightly as Niki smiled knowingly at him.

Fran came quickly when called, joining Niki and Tommy on the couch and gently laying her muzzle over Tommy’s lap, which soon became the boy’s pillow. “If he gets feverish give him a small dose of the fever medicine. There’s ice in the freezer if it gets bad, oh and I made him some snacks—“

“It’ll be okay, Sam.” Niki chuckled softly, “It’s okay. You’re only leaving to shower, he should be fine, and I know how to take care of kids, even sick ones.”

Sam paused and laughed nervously, “Ri-Right, sorry Niki…I’ll try not to be long.” He turned, glancing back at Tommy to make sure he wasn’t anxious before he disappeared behind the bathroom door.

Sam wasn’t the one that was supposed to have separation anxiety.

So why was he so anxious without that little weight on his shoulder? He sighed, forehead pressing against the shower tile as lukewarm water ran down his back.

Focus on the soothing things.

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, watching as water pitter-pattered onto the deepslate tile beneath his feet. He closed his eyes, imagining what life could be like if Tommy’s curse gets broken.

He imagined warm summer afternoons, faces buried in watermelon rinds and giggling when fireflies fluttered by. Leaf piles in the fall, flurries of laughter and warm apple cider. Snowmen and sledding in the winter with hot chocolate and sweet marshmallows. Springtime puddles and croaking frogs on lily pads.

It was warm, cozy and potentially theirs.

And best of all, he wouldn’t be alone anymore.

He’d have a kid.

He opened his eyes, moving his hand to the shower handle so he could shut the supply off. “…” He stared at the drip from the emptied spout, eventually releasing it and stepping out of the shower so he could get dry.

He ruffled his hair in a hand towel, throwing on his usual style of clothes before stopping to look at himself in the mirror.

He was supposed to be the calm, cool, and collected one. More like a big brother than a…

Father.

He stared at himself, slowly placing his hands onto the counter and staring at his features. Realistically, Sam shouldn’t be taking on this kind of responsibility. He was in his 20’s, barely legal to drink and certainly had been mostly focused on having fun at this point in his life.

He stepped back, slowly squeezing his dripping tail in his towel and looking at what he was presenting himself as. He looked cozy, like someone his loved ones could lean on; at the same time he looked professional, like he could take up his guardian duties at any moment and protect the settlement like he was trained to.

He was a guardian to protect everyone in their server.

He stood straight, but soon relaxed back into his somewhat slouched state.

Do I even need to be a father? There’s still a chance we’re able to find his family.

He ran his fingers over the stubble on his jaw, thoughtful expression on his face. Did it matter how he felt in this situation? Well, it did. But, what mattered more here is that Tommy needed family. And he could be that until further notice.

He flicked his tail, the damp and wet fur flinging from side to side as he dumped his dirty clothes in the nearby hamper.

When he finally left the steamy room, the two starlight hues met his, and his worries melted away again.

That’s my kid.

Tommy’s face brightened, lifting his head and pushing his arms against Fran’s head even when his hands shook from the effort.

Sam smiled, walking over to the three cozy individuals and kneeled beside them, patting Fran and nodding to Niki. It was such a relief to have the little bundle tucked against his chest again, causing a quiet, low warble to roll in his throat.

“Couldn’t stay gone long. I missed my big, brave man.”

---

So thats it!

i just realized i used a speech-to-text for the outline LMAO i do not think you guys will wanna read it. i did a challenge of drawing and writing at the same time and that's what i did, but it was poorly LMAO

Um, if you guys really want me to clean it up let me know and i'll post that separately. It won't be super fantastic but i'll go over the main points!

find the companion fic "Boar Brothers" [which is also not finished] here.

24 notes · View notes

maedaex2combo · 2 years ago

Text

Y/N: Self-Insert yourself into the Homestuck Epilogues

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Pairings: Dirk Strider x Reader (Mostly platonic / One sided)

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, Angst, Homestuck Epilogues plot

Word Count: 10.4k

Summary: After not hearing from your best friend Dirk for a while, you decide to go check in on him. For some reason, you feel like this isn't going to be the same feels-jam talk you two normally have. The air is different. Something is happening.

A/N: Okay first off, please know that this story is based directly on the plot of the Homestuck Epilogues. It’s supposed to be right before the Candy/Meat timelines split and take place. I know it’s literally in the title, but just to be safe bc I know how some people feel about it. Secondly, I project a lot to write my fics so the backstory about Y/Ns feelings for Karkat and Dave are very self-indulged. Accidentally became kinda important to the plot. My bad. Thirdly, please forgive me if Dirk seems out of character at all. This is just how I felt he would’ve been before he became like the ultimate Dirk or whatever tf goes on in the epilogues 💀. Anyways. Again, tread lightly if heavy topics like suicide are triggering for you. It gets kind of intense. I just felt like this boy needed some comforting when I was reading all those chapters. OKAY IM DONE NOW. Enjoy!!!

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“DIRK!” your voice shouts pointlessly at the closed metal door in front of you, for the umpteenth time. You’re banging at the door unapologetically, like you have no shame, which you don’t at this point. Not when it came to your best friend, and trying to get him out of his self-inflicted depressive/dissociative episodes.

This episode in particular had been especially hard to get him out of. Dirk had a habit of shutting his friends out when he got to feeling a certain way, and not even letting them in when they came to check on him in person. He seemed to have a soft spot for certain people, but even they couldn’t always get through to him. You included, as well as Jake, Jane, Roxy, and Dave. But, usually you were more invasive and better at tearing his walls down when he built them up. The amount of times you pried your way into listening to a Jake or self-villainizing related rant from Dirk, WILLINGLY, was impressive at this point. Lets be real, Dirk doesn’t open up about his feelings on the usual. All raw and feels-jam like, like your other friends do.

In summary though, his little shut-in episodes did little to keep you out of his life.

However, he hasn’t been answering your messages for weeks, actually maybe a month now. You haven’t been good at keeping track at this point. He doesn’t ever ignore everyone for this long, especially you. Now that you’re here, and he’s not answering the door, it’s honestly starting to worry you. What could he be doing??? Is he even home? There’s no way he could be…..

Nah.

He’s just in there being all dreary right now, you know it.

“DIRK OPEN THE DAMN DOOR OR ILL FIND A WAY IN. YOU KNOW I WILL!” You continue banging on heavy metal. You can hear it echo into the chamber behind it, assumingely empty unless Dirk is a literal fucking dickhead. Which he is. But you give him the benefit of the doubt. Looks like you’ll have to find a way in.

This is really annoying. More than usual. Of course, you don’t ever mind putting this much effort into Dirk. He’s someone you care about very much, so this type of thing just works like clockwork for you. You have a desire to be there for Dirk in a way you feel he needs someone to be. It’s probably inconvenient for him most times, but you try to ignore that intrusive thought.

Right now though, this is especially annoying because you’ve been trying to contact Dirk for weeks about your own personal issues. It’s always a back and forth of issue-sharing with you two, as friendships should be. But honestly, your life isn’t super eventful, not as much as Dirks somehow. So, you don’t usually have all that much to rant about. Now, the one time your life feels like it’s going to shit and you REALLY need him, he decides to swan dive straight into a pool of “fuck everyone, especially (y/n)” and dissolve into it like a damn spoonful of salt.

That analogy was awful, you can’t even come up with clever things anymore, your head is so disoriented. You launch up into the air with little to no grace at all, so fast that you forgot about the metal hood hovering over the front of the studio and smash your head right into it. Fucking OW.

You’re silent for a moment, absorbing the pain like when you stub your toe and you just stand in shock for a minute straight. Then, after a due moment of silence, you let out a loud aggravated groan of pain and annoyance.

“UUUUAGGHHHHUGHH!!!”

Yeah that’s basically how it would be spelt out, I guess.

Using all the annoyed force your body can muster, god powers and all, you punch through the orange-tinted window in front of you. Not physically, with your hands, but with a sheer force wave of strength you just pushed out upon throwing your fists out and down in front of you as you yelled out. The window cracks and shatters, the whole action being very anime-like.

Wow.

That was kinda a lot. Maybe chill out for a second? I mean, you’ve been known to do some pretty crazy and powerful stuff back in your Sburb days, fighting enemies and all. But there was no reason to unleash that on Dirks poor window. You know he’s gonna have to reinstall that now, and it probably won’t be of glass this time.

Nonetheless, you float inside, accidentally cutting yourself on a shard still intact in the window frame. You hiss a little at the cut, but it doesn’t stop you. You’re back to being set on finding Dirk.

It doesn’t take long to find him, of course. You enter the largest room in his studio down on the first floor, down a long hallway, basically the center of his place. This is where he keeps most of his materials and works. It could basically be a big high-ceiling living room, and you’re pretty sure it was once decorated like one, but now it’s covered in metal, tools, junk, etc. You find him drilling away at whatever’s in front of him, back turned to you.

You casually float down from the balcony above, most of the frantic anger from earlier out of your system now that you’ve found him. And he’s okay.

“Yo. Did you hear me banging at the door or are you deaf now?” You say, half joking, but also a little genuinely.

He doesn’t look at you when he responds, ever focused on his work. He stops drilling to be able to talk at normal volume, and to switch to another tool. “Of course I did. You’re quite loud, I don’t know if you noticed.”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, okay. Just wanted to confirm you are as much of an asshole as I assumed you were.” You’re still hovering an inch above the ground as you glide over to face the front of him.

“Oh please, you’ve been very aware of my asshole-ness long before you even met me face to face.”

You laugh a little at this. It’s true, in a way. Even before you knew this timelines version of Dirk, Dave would always rant to you about his Bro. So you assumed he would be an asshole way before you even really met who you’re looking at right now.

“You’re right. But how do you know that by ‘assumed’, I meant that in recent tense and not one that dated back to my pre-teen years?” You shoot back.

You know he would usually like your comment, but he doesn’t laugh or react much at all.

You frown, because he’d normally have a witty comeback to a stupid question like that. But the conversation seems to have cut off there, when he doesn’t reply for a while and continues operating. It stays like this for a bit, slightly-uncomfortable silence as you stare down at him and he doesn’t look back. You finally slump down, into a criss-cross sitting position in front of him while he works. You stay this way, the only sound echoing the room being made from the burning metal, and you wait for him to be done with this piece before you nudge into his personal life. It’s the respectful thing to do, you know how serious he is about his mechanic works. Whatever he’s doing is probably of some type of importance.

You watch him carefully use a… a uh…. Damn what is that thing called? That little fire-like tool that’s used for welding? A welder? I don’t know and I can’t be fucked to search the internet for it. You know what I mean. He’s sweating just slightly on his freckle-spotted arms from the heat, and you try not to linger on his mussels for too long as you examine him right now. He’s wearing his wielding mask, unfortunately, so you can’t see his face. The eye part is shaped like his shades, and you can’t imagine how that’s practical at all. What a dork. But not like John Egbert adorable-like dork. Dirks a dork in a cool admirable way. It’s hard to explain.

Another while goes by like this, shrouded in a more comfortable silence this time. You don’t look at him the entire time you wait, eventually you find yourself staring off into hallway behind him, chin in your hands.

If you (the reader) haven’t picked it up by now, you obviously have a thing for Dirk. But you try not to acknowledge it most of the time, and you’re pretty sure no one knows about it. It kinda conflicts with your feelings you’ve had for Dave since you met him, and your feelings for Karkat you developed not long after spending time together on the meteor. It’d be weird to like Dave and his bro right? This bro, not his actual timeline bro obviously. Yeah, it’d be strange. You must have a thing for the Striders, you guess. But you try to push it into the back of your mind as often as possible. Dirks just your good friend, he’ll always be a friend to you. You want to be there for him because you care in a PLATONIC way. Of course. Even if you did acknowledge these feelings and act on them, he’d most definitely turn you down for various reasons. You know him too well. This is how the last 7 years have panned out, and it was only a few years ago that you even came to acknowledge your feelings that I just said we’re choosing not to acknowledge.

Moving on.

“I’m assuming you broke one of my windows to get in. Do I have to go and fix that now?” He says, toneless. You cant even tell if he’s really upset.

“How’d you know?” You ask innocently.

“Aside from it being the most obvious way of breaking in besides picking my lock, which would be impossible. Remember when I said you’re loud?”

You giggle a little. Yeah you guess theres no way he couldn’t have heard you, even though it was up on the second floor, down the hall. “Okay yeah, I totally busted your window, dude. Sorry about that. It was a mistake honestly, but you kinda deserved it for blatantly ignoring me!”

“I wasn’t ignoring you, I was just busy.”

“Dirk. Busy with what? You haven’t answered me in like a month.” The conversation suddenly gets pretty confrontational without you meaning to make it so.

“I haven’t? Doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”

“Well it has.” You cross your arms, looking up at him “I really needed to talk to you! And I was really worried.”

“Why would you be worried?”

You frown at this, again. You’re not exactly sure what you were worried about. There were some specific worries that you wouldn’t say to him out loud, that come with having any friend as depressed as Dirk tends to be. They didn’t have to make sense, but they were always at the back of your mind.

“I don’t know. I just worry when you don’t answer for a while. You’ve never gone that long without texting me or calling me back.”

At this very real statement, Dirk doesn’t respond. He probably doesn’t know how to at first. Then, he pulls off his helmet, revealing his pretty face to you once again. You almost let out a sigh of relief. You just really love to look at this guy. His shades are on still, having worn them under the mask like a DORK.

“Well, I’m totally fine so there’s nothing to worry about. Okay?” This is his best attempt at comforting you right now. You’re still not impressed.

“I can see that now. But it would’ve been nice to know like a week or two ago.” You would look away to reinforce that you’re upset, but you can’t stop looking at him, while he’s assumingely making eye contact with you behind his shades. You’re trying your hardest to push back thoughts again.

He finally looks away and pushes himself up to stand, walking over to the pile of metal on the couch. “Hey don’t go getting all sentimental with me now. Starting to sound like Jake.” His voice feels off from how he normally talks, like he’s hollowly trying to say something he thinks he would say. “He’s actually been breathing down my neck all week, I’ve thought about blocking him at this point.”

You roll your eyes x2 combo. That last sentence definitely sounded like him, it’s one you’ve heard a million times. He never does it. This is good though, you can segway this into getting him to open up.

“Jake, huh? You’re still talking to him? Didn’t you say you’d cut him off like- a million cut-offs ago?”

“Yeah.” He picks the piece of metal up off the couch, knocking a few pieces next to it over onto the floor. “But I could never actually cut him off completely, you know that. With all the arrangements we have and whatever. I just meant for a little while so maybe I could get a fucking second to breathe.”

You nod. Fair enough, you guess. You still think it’s funny how much the tables have turned with them. Since Dirk used to tell you how he was the clingy one back when Sburb was still active. “How come he’s still bothering you so much? I thought he had gotten pretty distant from you in an attempt to get over you or something?”

“I mean yeah he was like that, but lately our show’s been getting even more popular. Plus, with Jane’s upcoming announcement about the presidency, I’ve been trying to add more elements to amp up his popularity.”

You didn’t even think you could make Jake anymore popular than he already was on earth C, and you already knew of Janes presidency plan thing. Dirk told you a while ago, and you’ve tried so. SO hard not to tell Dave and Karkat yet, per Dirks request. “So why does this make him bother you more?”

“I made him pretty ambitious about the new season. He’s got all these ideas and plans he’s been shooting at me. Haven’t been responding obviously, which makes him bug me more.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you don’t talk to your friends for long periods of time, Dirk. The messages start to pile up. I wouldn’t call that ‘bugging’. He’s probably been messaging you a normal amount, and you’re just behind on responding.”

“No no, you’re not friends with Jake like I am. Trust me. He has been giving an absolute fucking earful to me in text. Assuming there was an ear actually listening, and a mouth replying.”

“You’re not even reading the messages?”

“No.”

“What if it’s important?”

“I would know if it was anything that important, trust me.”

You sigh and lean back on your hands. Your arm stings a little and you suddenly remember the cut on your shoulder that you never tended to. Dirk didn’t even notice. Something inside you feels disappointed for some reason. “You’re really full of yourself, yknow that?”

“Yeah, I know.” His response is quick, without hesitation. You know he does. He self-loathes about it at least once every time you guys talk.

“I just wish you’d at least shoot me a text before you disappear for weeks being like ‘Hey! just so you know, I’m about to fuck off to not exist for a while! Don’t worry im not dead or anything!’”

“I’ll make sure to do that next time.” He says sarcastically, coming back over to where he was sitting to add the new piece of metal to his project.

You groan, it almost feels like a growl. That makes you think about Jade. You groan again. “Can you just tell me what’s going on? This obviously isn’t like your other episodes which don’t really happen for more than maybe like a week at a time.”

“We’re calling them ‘episodes’ now?” He asks, looking over at you, but still keeping his hands busy. You swear you can see him smirk a little.

“Well, that’s what I call them. Sorry. That’s probably rude, I just don’t know how else to describe when you get like this.”

“Like what?”

“Reclusive? Distant? I’m assuming you haven’t been in contact with anyone this whole time.”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s not a big deal though, you guys all have lives to be living, I don’t have to be out there all the time.”

“Out there? Dirk, sometimes I just want to talk to my friend. You can stay all shut in your studio, but the least you could do is answer me via text???”

He’s back at work, mask down, attention to his project now. But you weren’t done yet.

“Dirk.”

He doesn’t answer. He’s avoiding the conversation so you don’t investigate further. Again, this is clockwork.

“Dirk.” You insist again, standing up now.

The cut on your shoulder is bleeding down the side of your arm now. “Can you please just tell me what’s wrong this time. Even if there’s nothing going on, you know that just talking it out DOES actually make you feel better. And I LIKE listening to you talk.”

He flinches a little at this, stoping his wielding for a second, but not any longer. He goes back to ignoring you.

You sigh. This is probably going to take a while. You start to walk down the hall towards the bathroom to find a bandaid and clean up the blood.

When you’re far enough away, Dirk looks back in your direction, thinking that maybe you were leaving. A twinge of guilt flickers quickly in him, but he ignores it again and turns back to his project.

When you come back, you feel a bit refreshed. You had time to clear your head slightly. You decided that if he’s going to ignore you, you’re just going to wait until he HAS to talk to you. He can’t let it be silent forever, and you’re not leaving until he gets something out. Not like you’ve got anything better to do.

You move past him silently and over to what you’re pretty sure is a nice recliner chair, under all the cloth and metal. You start taking the metal off and placing it aside. This catches his attention, and he almost asks what the hell you’re doing, until he realizes what the hell you’re doing, and decides it’s not worth starting up a conversation again.

Once all the metals shards are off the chair, you dust it off with your hands and take a seat. You just stare at him for a bit. When that soon gets boring, you lean back into the chair with a sigh, closing your eyes. Maybe you’ll take a nap.

It’s silent (aside from the wielding) for so long that you really do start falling into sleep. The sounds of him working were lulling you into relaxation for some odd reason. You can feel your consciousness just about to be pulled from under you when-

“So… what was it you needed to talk to me about?” Dirk asks from across the room. You hadn’t noticed he stopped working for a bit. The sound of his voice snapped your eyes open for a moment, but when you see he’s not even looking at you, you go right back to closing them.

“I just needed to rant about some stuff, maybe get some advice. But I don’t really think I should be having that conversation with you right now. It seems like you probably got your own stuff to sort out.”

Dirk shrugs, but you can’t see anyways. “Not really. I mean, kind of. But you came here to see me, you might as well tell me instead of leaving this awkward silence while I work.”

“I didn’t think it was awkward. But I didn’t come here to rant to you, I came here because I was worried.”

“Okay, sure, whatever. But you might as well tell me now that you’re here. I don’t mind.”

You sigh. Should you really start this conversation? Would it be selfish to dump all your bullshit on your friend when he’s clearly going through it, even though he won’t talk about it? But he is asking for it at this point. You didn’t even bring it up.

“Well?” He’s looking over at you when you open your eyes again. How long has he been looking?

You sigh again. “Alright… I’ll try not to drag it out too much.”

“Are you sure you’re capable of that type of self control?” He asks sarcastically.

“Oh, shut up.” you say, but you’re smiling. This man and his smartass. “Alright, well-“

And your rant begins. I’ll explain what the rant is about because I don’t want to have to type ours and dirks every action out throughout the whole length of this long conversation. You can just assume he’s listening intently, because he is, for the most part.

Overall, life on Earth C hasn’t really been all that great for anyone as of lately, that’s a given. It’s perfect here, sure, but perfect can only be perfect for so long, before it gets extremely boring. This is amplified x1000000 when you add in the fact that most of you are immortal. Forever is a long long time. However, on a more personal level, there’s a lot going on.

First of all, you’ve lived with Dave and Karkat since you got here. The three of you were best buddies on the meteor together, and decided to stick together after, even despite plenty of money to get your own places. You feel you kind of dug yourself into a hole with this one. Because while living with your best friends is so fun, you’re also not an idiot. You and everyone else on the planet can see the thing Karkat and Dave have for each other. And the fact that you have a crush on both of them, makes this not only awkward, but also painful. This whole situation isn’t new though. In fact, Dirks heard an earful about it for several years. The first year or so of living with them was great, then it backfired. You took it upon yourself to go on a lot of trips, some with Jade and Jake, some alone. You started getting into pottery and went around selling pieces, random art experiments. You tried to convince your two antisocial roomates to go sometimes, but you’re kinda glad they didn’t. You probably needed the distance. Eventually you moved out, only about a little over a year ago. You felt almost guilty, like your presence was keeping the two of them from being together (That definitely wasn’t it though, as Dirk reassures you. They’re both just dense and stubborn.)

For the past year you’ve struggled with separation issues. Everyone knows you always liked to be with someone all the time. Though your trips alone were freeing and refreshing, you enjoyed the feeling of coming home to someone, or two someones. It hurt, spending the nights in your big empty home, lovely as it was. You had people over plenty, but it was always the nighttime when everyone left that got to you. You developed insomnia, dark circles under your eyes that won’t go away. This isn’t really new news either, but newer than the last.

The CURRENT issue at hand, now that we have background story, is where Jade comes into the mix. Jade is a lovely girl, and you love her to death. The two of you hang out on many occasions, though you may not be as close with her as with others. You enjoyed her energy and attitude, it was contagious. But lately, she’s been… putting herself very closely into Dave and Karkats lives. Not that she wasn’t already around them a lot, she definitely was over pretty often. But it seems like ever since you left, she’s been there basically 24/7, like she lives there now. Not only that, but the boys have told you how she’s been making uncomfortable advances towards them, and isn’t hiding how she would like to be with the both of them seriously. Now… it’s not necessarily that you’re jealous. (Dirk gets a kick out at this. And by a kick I mean letting out a snort and ALMOST breaking into a chuckle, to your momentary annoyance.) But it’s especially frustrating for many reasons. Putting aside the obvious reason that you have the same feelings for them as she does. She’s basically ruining everything you gave up to try and help DaveKat happen. You moved yourself out of the equation to make room for maybe some progress, and she moved right in after you. They both love Jade as a friend, but you can tell that her advances make them uneasy just from the couple times you’ve witnessed it. You’re afraid she’ll ruin it for them.

“So, you’re definitely not jealous?” Dirk asks, obviously being sarcastic.

“Of course I am. I won’t deny it. I’m just saying it’s not the ONLY reason I’m upset about it.” You respond defensively.

“Okay. I mean, that makes sense. But I think you’re mostly just upset with yourself.”

You’re open your mouth to retort, but you stay quiet for a moment. “…You think?”

“Yeah. To me, it sounds like you’re mad at yourself because leaving them caused you to self sabotage into a life you’re not satisfied with. And now Jade is over there going after what she wants and you’re upset you couldn’t bring yourself to do the same.”

You’re a little offended by the accuracy of his blunt words. There are some things you need to defend though. “Okay well, maybe you’re somewhat right-“

“Somewhat?”

“-BUT, I only didn’t go for it because I knew they didn’t feel the same, and I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship. Or worse, their relationship.”

“How do you know they didn’t feel the same?”

……

How did you know?

“Well… I just thought it was pretty obvious. They just don’t act with me how they act with each other. You can just like… feel the different energy, I guess.”

“But how would you know for sure if you never even went for it?”

Silence again.

“…I don’t know…” you shuffle awkwardly in the chair, looking down at your lap and playing with your hands. “…So you think I should’ve done what Jade is doing?”

“Oh, definitely not.” He responds almost immediately. “She’s definitely gonna fuck their shit up.”

Your head shoots up at this, shocked. “WHAT?! But you were just saying that I should have gone for it!”

“Yes. But honestly I think you would have gone about it in a less uncomfortable way. And even if they did turn you down, or like- weirdly wiggle out of the situation like they do. Then at least you’d have a straight answer. But you didn’t ever bother trying at all.”

“I-“

“-AND furthermore, I think that if you had gotten a straight answer, it would’ve given you the closure you need, and you wouldn’t have to keep trying like Jade seems to be set on doing.”

It hits you now. You don’t know why you’ve never thought about it like this. You always just assumed their feelings. Even if you had confessed to them one time, you could’ve gotten that closure you didn’t realize you needed. Now it’s too late. They’ve already got too much tension on their relationship, adding you in the mix would be chaos. This is suddenly very troubling, you’re starting to get into a depressed state of mind again. The one you’ve been stuck in for weeks, as well as Dirk probably has for reasons still unknown.

“I….” You relax your hands in your lap, and lean back to look up at the ceiling. “You’re right. I should have at least tried.”

“Didn’t I tell you to a ton of times before? I always thought that a sincere heartfelt confession from you might actually help push their relationship forward, even if they didn’t reciprocate.”

“Yeah… I just never wanted to. I was so sure they’d be repulsed at the idea.”

“Ouch. Repulsed? That’s a new word for the situation.”

“Yeah, I guess I always felt like that deep down though. I mean, Karkats super harsh and distant. And Dave’s super aloof and distant. So, being vulnerable about your feelings for them just feels… extra vulnerable.”

“Yeah. It definitely wouldn’t be an easy relationship to navigate. Honestly maybe you did yourself a favor.”

You sigh at this. It certainly doesn’t feel that way.

It goes silent again for a little bit, but this time neither of you find any discomfort in it. Dirks been working still, but doing something more quiet now. Connecting wires or something probably. You’re not really sure what it is he does.

You remember something he said to you several sentences ago.

“Also… earlier you said… that I caused a life that I’m unhappy with…” you speak, sounding more dejected that you have today.

“Mhm.”

“Well. I don’t think that’s true.”

“No?”

“No, not really. I mean, yeah it definitely caused me some additional problems, sure. But Dirk…” you look down to make eye contact with him. He stops to look back at you, from behind the shades. He’s resting his arms on his knees, face stoic, fully listening.

“I don’t think… I’ve been happy with my life.. in a long time.”

The sentence hits Dirk harder than maybe it should’ve normally, almost as if breaking something down. His face finally changes, from just being a stone-cold expression, to a slight frown, his features relaxed. It’s not an expression of pity, really. He’s sympathizing.

Most everyone of the sburb kids probably feel this way. Things are just not as great as you might have though they’d be at the beginning of starting an entirely new universe. There’s just this terrible lingering empty feeling, that no one really talks about out loud. But it feels different hearing it from you. You always tried to be a little optimistic. You’ve been unhappy many times, that’s just normal human emotions. But you’ve never expressed being unhappy… with your life as a whole? Or accidentally admitted that you’re also depressed.

The confession hits you hard as well for some reason, even though you’ve known it as a fact for quite some time. You’ve never outwardly admitted it. Suddenly you’re feeling warm wet tears run down the sides of your cheeks. They surprise you. When did you start tearing up?

Now they won’t stop, despite your frantic hands that try to wipe each one away.

“Sorry… I… didn’t meant to get so emotional all of a sudden! Haha..” you’re sniffling a bit between your words, and trying to force a smile to make things less serious. Dirk just stares at you as you try to pull yourself together. “I just can’t help.. but think like… wow! I’m really going to live… potentially forever… and I’m not even enjoying the beginning… what’s 50 years from now gonna feel like? What’s 500 years gonna feel like? Will I even be me anymore at that point?” You’re just rambling now. You’ve went so quick from a normal rant-sesh to such a wet sloppy mess (ew). You’re no doubt embarrassed, and trying to talk in a casual manner that will maybe make you forget that you’re sobbing in front of your cool best friend or maybe crush, while he stares at you uncomfortably. Why did you even think coming here was a good idea? You’re in no place to help him. You just needed him to help you. You are selfish.

“Im- Im sorry, I’ll stop.. just give me a sec-“ you’re cut off suddenly. A distantly familiar feeling. You’re quick to go from feeling alone and pathetic, to warm and secure, as you’re pulled into an embrace with Dirk Strider. These hugs are not something you get to feel often. You didn’t even hear him walk over.

You’re pulled out of your intrusive thoughts immediately. You feel safe, and comforted. In a way only he’s ever been able to make you feel. Despite all the bickering, and smart ass comments, you really loved Dirk. He always knew how to talk to you and handle you, with just enough care, even though sometimes you craved more. (Give a dog a bone, right?) But not because of the hug alone, no. It’s what’s about to come after this. This is it. The clock is moving, it’s in motion.

He pulls back only after he’s felt you settle down and go quiet. “I know how you feel. You’re not alone, you know that.”

You nod, too flustered to look him in the face, so you look to the side, staring at his funny little shoulder tattoo. “I feel guilty about it though. Earth C is so perfect. I should be really happy, shouldn’t I?”

“Nah. Nothing is ever perfect. Even though we literally created Earth C, I wouldn’t call it perfect. In fact, we’re probably about to get so fucking far from it.”

You look at him and tilt your head. “What do you mean?”

He pulls back again, standing up, turning to grab a chair sitting in the corner of the room. He carries it back over and sets it down in front of you, your eyes follow him the whole time. He sits on it the opposite way you’re supposed to, legs around the back of the chair, resting his arms on the top. The way a cool guy sits. You look at him, attentive. Ready for him to lay it on you.

“I just seriously doubt that anything that’s about to happen will turn out very good. Our years for living a ‘normal’ life are already pretty much past at this point.”

Okay, now you’re really confused. “Dirk you’re not making any sense. What’s going to happen that’s so bad?”

He looks at you for a moment. He definitely isn’t intending on sharing with you any information of any importance, but you don’t know that.

“I don’t know yet. John has to make a decision first.” He says nonchalantly, looking more stoic than usual.

You don’t respond, waiting for something else. But that’s it.

You can’t help it, you start laughing. What could that possibly mean?

“John makes a decision?? That’s it? What’s the choice? To nuke or not to nuke the planet??” You’re still giggling at this thought, though kinda morbid.

Dirk isn’t laughing. “Ha ha. No, it’s nothing like that. It’s hard to explain. But the jist of what I was saying before, is it’s just that none of us are really meant to live a normal life on Earth C. Think about it. A bunch of immortal gods, of totally different upbringings and outlooks, and even species, all living on one little planet. We’re bound to fuck shit up one day.”

You’ve stopped laughing now and take a second to think about this. You’ve never really considered it. “Yeah… I guess now that you say it, that sounds kinda bad. We could’ve done with a few more planets in the system honestly.”

“No, it’s not about the number of planets. Even if we all had our own planets, we’d end up going to war and shit with each other one day. We’re just not meant to lead normal lives.”

You frown at this. Why would friends go to war with each other? Granted, not everyone was super close, but we all fought to make this universe, why would we tear it apart?

“I think you’re oversimplifying it. Not all of us want to be dictators.” You roll your eyes and cross your arms. You definitely aren’t happy about Janes plans, Dirk knows this.

“You subtly talking about why you don’t like Jane and the way she wants to lead just proves my point. And anyways, It doesn’t matter. We don’t have a choice in what we are. And what we are, is gods. We’ll have to ascend one day.” You search for a hint of irony in Dirks face, but he’s dead serious. Wow.

“Ascend??? Dirk what the hell are you talking about?”

It’s quiet for a moment. Dirk catches himself about to tell you too much about what has been fucking his brain for months, or more like years at this point. You can tell his silence is a troubled one.

You reach out a concerned hand to place on his arm. He flinches a little. “Dirk… please tell me what’s going on. What are you talking about?”

He can’t look at you. His head stays in place, but he’s avoiding eye contact even though you can’t tell. There’s a lot of thoughts going through his mind right now. Not all of them are about his ultimate self that is inevitably going to take over one day. Some are about you. And about the outcome of this timeline. For a moment he feels sympathy for all his friends. But there’s not much else I can tell you about what he’s thinking. Not now.

“I just… don’t know how much time I have left.” He says, still having not moved, but his eyes watch the clock behind you.

“How much… What? Dirk… Are you sick or something?” You are rapidly trying to understand his cryptic way of explaining to you, but it seems you’re falling short.

“Not physically.” He pauses and actually lets out a slight chuckle, putting his gloved hand on his mouth. You bask in his slight-laugh, he’s really so charming. More than he could know. “God that sounded so emo.”

“Dude, I don’t sound any better. We’re both being emo, it’s fine.” You smile back at him, removing your hand from his arm. You feel a bit of tension leave your body that you didn’t notice was there, the sound of his laugh ever like a cure to your stress.

He nods. There’s just so much he can’t tell you, you wouldn’t be able to understand. And he didn’t want you to either. He didn’t want to put that burden on you. There was only one person he could give that burden to, and he still wasn’t sure when he’d have to tell her.

But there were some feelings he knew he could vaguely talk to you about.

“But no, I’m fine physically. It’s just… I don’t know. I guess I’ve been having the same thoughts you have. How long can this all really last? Who will I be hundreds of years from now? What if I don’t even recognize myself anymore?” He pauses for a moment, and you watch him frown as he thinks of something. “I definitely won’t.”

You don’t dare interrupt. You just sit and listen, attentive, the best you can. When Dirk starts opening up, you hardly say a word until he’s finished.

He goes on about how he’s been feeling especially useless and exhausted lately. Talking vaguely about his potential and his purpose, and that right now just felt like a stagnant period while he waits. But what if he doesn’t want to have some greater purpose, or some ultimate potential destiny? He’s always just wanted to be able to live a happy, normal life with his friends. He didn’t get to grow up with other people and have relationships. Getting here to figure out that he really never would get that normalcy, sucked the hope out of him. At least, maybe he could’ve got a while if he had made the most of the last seven years. He can’t even say they flew by, they dragged by painfully. He says he’s always just felt like he’s been watching his friends live through a window, communicating behind the glass, but not actively joining them.

You soak in every word like you’ll need to know it for a test. You nod every now and then, and quietly “mhm”, to show you’re listening. You can feel he’s still not done yet.

“I mean honestly (y/n), what’s even the point of it all? You feel it too right? There’s no way we’re headed toward a future that’ll be of any real purpose.”

You decide to finally speak up since he addressed you. “Are you saying we’re in a doomed timeline?” You ask, enabling him to explain more.

“No, it’s nothing like that. I’m not even sure doomed timelines are possible anymore, they’re just… timelines. But we’re definitely not going to be living happily ever fucking after.”

You’re giving him that sympathetic look now, but he reads it as pity. His head reflectively looks away. He’s starting to get aggravated. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I don’t even want to go through with this anymore. I just wish it’d all end.”

Woah. You’re eyes widen a little at what he’s implying. “Dirk… don’t say that-“

“What’s even shittier about this whole thing is the fact that even if I really wanted to end it, I couldn’t. None of us could. Except maybe the trolls. We have to wait for something just or heroic to happen and decide our fate for us. We’re stuck to live in some shithole timeline with no way out. I have no choice. I either subject to being a depressed shut-in, or leave my humanity behind to pursue something above this existence. How pathetic is that?”

You’re not sure exactly what he’s going on about, but your instinct immediately is to comfort him. You take his hand. He doesn’t flinch this time, but he doesn’t look at you either.

“Hey, just calm down for a second, okay? I promise you it doesn’t have to be like that… I don’t know what’s due for this timeline, and I’m not sure if you do… If Rose told your something or.. I don’t know. But I always know that whatever life throws at me I’ll…” you hesitate to say the rest of the sentence. It’s a little cheesy, it almost makes you cringe for a second. But then he looks at you, clearly anticipating the rest of your sentence. You push through. “I’ll know I’ll be able to get through it, because you’ll be here.”

He’s doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are wider now. He has no idea what to say at this intimate sentence. The two of you have been close for a while now, but you never really express it verbally. You just enjoyed each other without having to say it usually. The lack of response eats at you, you have to say something else since he clearly can’t think of what to say to that. You let go of his hand too, thinking maybe it’s making him uncomfortable.

But he watches your hand as you pull it away.

“And I’ll always be here for you! I’ll always be here to help you. I mean… if you ‘left’ in whatever way that means I’d…” You play with your hands again, the both of you staring at them, thumbs in a tug of war. “Just… please don’t leave, okay?”

You both look up at the same time to make eye contact, but it’s obviously more intense for him. He can’t promise you that. He’s told you he won’t already, but you refuse to understand him.

You’re both quiet, and you anxiously bite your lip again at his lack of a reply. Why isn’t he agreeing?

“(Y/n)… have you ever thought about trying to take your own life? Just to see what happens?” The sudden dark inquiry sends your heart into your stomach. Why is he saying this? Your face looks terrified, but he doesn’t say anything, still looking.

“Dirk.. W-what are you say-“

“Have you?”

You swallow hard. This is something you REALLY don’t like to talk or think about. It’s something you’ve never spoken to anyone about.

But the answer is yes. Of course. You think about it a lot recently. It started when you started living alone. Those restless nights, wondering what the meaning of it all was. You wondered if maybe the clock of justice would consider the theft of your own lifespan a worthy enough cause. Why would a godtier with no will to live be worthy of such a title? It wouldn’t even makes sense, like more of a punishment than a reward. In a sense, you killed yourself to get this title. Why couldn’t you do the same to remove it?

Maybe you could.

You’ve been quiet a suspicious amount of time now. It tells Dirk his answer, but he still waits for you to admit it. His social cues are still really not the best sometimes, even after getting used to social interaction. You’re clearly uncomfortable.

You’re looking at your lap again, but your hands are still. You’re too deep in traumatic thought to even want to move. “…Of course I have.” Is all you say after a while.

“Have you tried?”

His question sounds genuine. Actually curious.

“No. I wouldn’t dare. What if…”

“It worked?”

“…Yeah…”

“Then it’d finally be over.”

When you look up, he’s still staring at you. You’re still scared, your heart breaking more with every word he says, but he seems calm now. As if he’s decided something in his mind. The more the clock ticks, the more anxious you get. What is he thinking?

You’re just about to speak up again, try to say something to calm the conversation, or just to change it to something less triggering. But he suddenly stands up. You look up at him, face getting more worried.

“Dirk?”

He’s not looking at you anymore. And without a word, he turns around and begins to walk away.

“Dirk?? Where are you going?!” You automatically stand up when he just continues to get farther away, turning to go down the hallway.

You follow him, quickly.

“Hey! Wait! You can’t just leave the conversation like that!”

You watch him turn into the bathroom, and shut the door before you can get to it. You jiggle the doorknob, but of course it’s locked. You’re panicking a bit now. This panic causes you to bang on the door without thinking, feeling a bit helpless.

“Dirk!!! What are you doing in there?! Please just wait a se-“

“Relax.” You hear him calmly through the door. You silence immediately hearing his voice. “I’m just using the bathroom.”

Your face automatically turns a slight pink. All of the panic and anxiety turns into embarrassment in the blink of an eye. You must’ve been overreacting. You do that sometimes.

“O-oh….. Okay. Sorry… I’ll leave you alone then.” You’re cursing yourself in your mind as you start making your way back down the hall.

Halfway through though, you stop suddenly. Taking a second to think about what just happened, to see if you were really overreacting. You come to the conclusion that you definitely weren’t, now that the embarrassment has subsided. Why would he just suddenly lock himself in the bathroom after your intense discussion about suicide? That is definitely concerning!

You feel better having justified yourself. You then come to the rational decision that you’d give him 5 minutes and then check on him. Hopefully you’re jumping to conclusions, and he’s just really bad at ending conversations like usual. You take a direct turn into the kitchen that was right next to you. You flip the light switch on and take a seat at the table. What an exhausting conversation you just had. That was not how you were expecting that to go at all.

You look around. The kitchen isn’t excused from having a bunch of junk in it. There’s spare parts and random doodads laying all over the place. Wow, did you just think the word “doodad”? Who are you, Jake? Sometimes being here alone with him made you feel like it. Like Jakes replacement.

You decide you’re just gonna tuck that repressed thought back deep into your brain. That’s not even possible, you and Dirk aren’t even… I mean he would never… Wait didn’t he just tell you earlier that you shouldn’t assum…. OKAY THATS ENOUGH.

The clock ticks by with the speed of a damn snail. You’re just sitting there watching it. You don’t even have the energy to check your phone to distract yourself. One minute has gone by and you’re waiting on the second. You’re also listening intently for any concerning noises, but you’re pretty sure the walls in this place are very thick. You couldn’t hear him drilling or anything from outside earlier, and the hallway isn’t that long.

You’re staring at a piece of hair in your face, blowing it up and watching it fall back down, passing the time. Three minutes now. Your stomach grumbles, and you decide to check Dirks fridge for inventory. When you open it up, it’s literally just like 10 half gallons of milk(?). This is clearly equisprites doing, but what has Dirk been eating??? Does he ever go out for food? Does he alchemize it? Who knows. You sigh and sit back down.

Just as you’re counting down the last minute, you hear the bathroom door open and you look over to the doorway. After a few steps Dirks frame passes right by without glancing at you, even though it was obvious you were in there with the light being on. You sigh x2 combo and stand up from the table, walking out and back into the hallway to follow him.

He’s sitting back on his bench in the living room, working again. You watch him, about 6 feet away. You don’t even know what to say, and you take your time trying to think of something.

“Are you… okay?” Is all you could come up with.

There’s no response. You can see he’s assembling his drill with a different top. He’s gonna drown you out.

“Dirk. It’s alright if you don’t wanna talk about it anymore. You can just-“ the drilling starts “-… say that.”

You look dejected. It’s a sad scene honestly, if you could see it like I am in my mind right now, and I hope you are.

He’s never been this distant before, especially not after opening up so deeply like that. His feelings were like a one way ticket each time, once you’re in, you’re in. But he’s forced you out after already letting you in. It didn’t make any sense. You look at the clock on the wall. It stopped working. When did that happen?

“Is there anything I can do to get you to talk to me?” You ask as a last resort.

Unsurprisingly, no answer. You give up. Quite frankly, that whole conversation tired you out too, emotionally. If he doesn’t wanna talk about it anymore, that’s fine by you.

“Do you mind if I stay over at least? Is the guest room still open?” You ask, expecting an answer, since it’s unrelated.

However, still no answer. You don’t know why you thought you’d get one that time. You decide to just take his silence as a yes. You’ve stayed over his house plenty of times before. A lot of the time when you guys would hang out, you’d talk or do something into late hours of the night, and not realize how late it’d gotten. The guest room might as well be yours at this point, since you’re pretty sure no one else ever stays over. Other than Jake, but he’ll just sleep in Dirks room. Obviously. And Dave has his own room here for some reason.

You take yourself up the stairs, and you gaze at him for a minute from the rail before you make your way to the room. This whole day has made you sadder than you already were, you think.

When you’re in the room, you don’t even take in the interior. You’ve seen it a million times. It’s just a bunch of subtle weeb decor. Annoyingly aesthetic. You faceplant onto the bed and kick your shoes off. It’s not even that late, but you’re so exhausted from that interaction and from not getting much sleep the night before. Insomnias been hitting you hard lately since you didn’t have Dirk. It’s been especially lonely. Somehow being in Dirks house lulls you right to sleep immediately.

You sleep like a baby. A full 8 hours, something you haven’t had in a while. When your eyes flutter open it’s pitch black, only the light of the bedside clock glaring at you. 2:00am. Wow, it’s early. Or late, you guess?

You don’t know what to do since you feel so awake now. You could probably sleep a little more? You decide you wouldn’t mind some milk right now before you go back to bed. Assuming the white fridge liquid is milk. You’ll take your chances.

You make your way down the stairs, and as you’re descending you start to remember todays conversation. You cringe a bit. The whole thing was so emo and embarrassing on both of your parts. You’re pretty sure you made him uncomfortable towards the end and that’s probably what scared him-

Suddenly your thoughts are cut off. You hear… A voice. Dirk? It was only quick, but you see a small light from the hallway leading to the kitchen. You follow it quietly, curious.

When you see him, you freeze at the sight.

He’s leaning over the kitchen sink, head hanging. He’s facing away from you, and you’re kind of hiding in the doorway anyways. The ambiance is coming from a small nightlight over the counter. You wish you could see his face. You hear a quick sniffle.

You’re deciding whether to say something or walk away. It seems like he’d want to be alone right now. Or does he need someone more than ever? He’s been so hard to read. You always think you interfere too much with him, but you can’t help it. Then, you hear him let out a small, quick sob. Probably the source of what you heard earlier. He sounds like he’s trying to hold it in, even though there’s no one around from his perspective. Your heart breaks. You have basically no control over what you do next.

Suddenly, Dirk feels a pair of arms wrap around his abdomen, a warm body leaning into his back, embracing him. He jumps slightly at first, but relaxes into it after a minute. He’s silent now. No sniffling, no sobs.

“I’m sorry.” Is all you say once you feel him relax.

It’s silent again. All you can hear is the clock behind you.

“You don’t have to respond, I just can’t stand to-“

“I tried it.” He says, cutting you off. He sounds defeated.

Your eyes widen a little. “You tried…”

“To kill myself. Earlier.” He states way too bluntly.

Your heart sinks. “Oh…”

Silence.

“It didn’t work.”

“Well, I can see that.”

“Because I couldn’t actually do it.”

You pause for a moment.

“Huh?”

“I couldn’t really go through with it a hundred percent… I have to see this timeline through. It’s my burden to bear.” He grits his teeth and grips the sink. You feel his tensing.

“I’m sorry, Dirk.” It’s all you can think of to say. You don’t want to bother asking him to clarify anymore. You have no idea what he’s going through or what to suggest. This is all you know. You hold him tighter, and nuzzle a little bit more into his back.

He relaxes again, to your surprise. And he lets go of the sink with one hand to place it on your arm. You can’t see his face right now, and you wish you could. The two of you stay like that a little longer. After a minute or two you can feel him crying again.

You’re sure it’s hard for him. Not just what he’s going though, but being vulnerable about it.

Suddenly, you feel yourself start to tear up too. The two of you share a cry almost silently, not having to see each other in this emotional state, but still holding on and having someone there.

“I promise it’ll be okay.” You say, breaking the silence. “Whatever you’re going through, we’ll go through it together. I’m a god tier too. I promise I’ll be here for you.”

It honestly feels like this made him cry a little harder as you feel him shake a little more.

He raises his hands up to his face to wipe away any evidence of emotion under his shades. Then, to your surprise again, he breaks out of your embrace, only to turn around and embrace you again straight on.

You’re surprised for a moment, but when it settles in, you hug him back with all you have. And maybe it’s just you, but no hug between you two has ever felt this… passionate?

“Sorry I’m being like this. It’s just been hard. I’ve never been this emotional about it, even though I’ve known it for so long. I think it’s because it’s getting closer. And because you’re here. Probably why I’ve also been ignoring everyone.” He confesses. “So there’s your answer. I just didn’t want you to see me like this. I’m sorry, again.”

Again, you have no idea exactly what he’s talking about, and you make a mental note to maybe ask about it again another time when you’re both more stable. But you’re just committed to comforting him to your best ability right now.

“You don’t have to apologize, Dirk. You can tell me anything, seriously. I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do to help you. I wish I could.”

You feel him sigh slightly, but it seems more like relief than frustration or anything negative.

“You should really get some sleep. Have you been up this whole time?” You say, changing the subject in concern for his wellbeing. You wonder what his nights have been like all this time you haven’t been talking.

“Yeah. But I’m fine. I don’t really have a sleep schedule anymore.”

“Well, looks like we’re starting now then. Cmon.”

He doesn’t complain or object when you pull back and take his hand to walk out into the hallway. The two of you make your way upstairs and into Dirks room. He doesn’t say anything, and you couldn’t possibly know what he’s thinking right now. About you.

You stop right after walking in the doorway and let go of his hand.

“Well, goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning, kay?” You say, giving him as much of a genuine smile as you can manage. You start walking past him to leave.

But then his hand grabs yours, stopping you. You freeze for a second, and turn to look at your friend again.

Your eyes widen at the sight when your eyes meet his. He had pulled his shades up to sit on his head, and for the first time you see his eyes, along with the rest of his face. Granted, it’s pretty dark so you can’t see the color well, but you can’t help but think they’re beautiful, just like the rest of him. His face also just reads ‘exhausted’, and tired from all the crying and emotion showed in the last however many hours. The two of you are quiet, staring at each other like this for a moment.

“Would you… wanna stay?” He says, not breaking eye contact, but still seeming slightly unsure about it?

“Stay… like, stay over? Yeah.. I-I was just gonna go to the guest r-“

“No. I meant in here.”

You’re blushing now. Good thing it’s dark, you guess. “In… your room?”

“Yeah.”

“In your bed?”

“Mhm.”

He seems much less embarrassed by this than you, of course. You’re extremely flustered now that you’ve made sure he meant what you think he meant. Wait… does that mean he wants to sleep with you or like SLEEP with you??? Oh god-

“Not anything weird. I just mean like, we can sleep in the same bed.” He says, almost like he read your mind. “It just feels like we both kinda need some comfort right now. And it feels weird to have you sleep in a different room after… Yknow everything that just happened. You don’t have to, if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“No!” You say, embarrassingly fast. You clear your throat a bit, not making it any better. He smirks at you slightly, tilting his head. Lord have mercy. “I mean… That actually sounds nice, yeah.”

He smiles in response, and you bask in the sight. Dirk Strider smiling at you, fully exposed so you can see all his beautiful features at once. You’re actually really happy right now. You haven’t felt this happy in a while. Which is kinda ironic after todays conversations. Why does he feel like a cure to your pain every time?

With his hand still holding onto yours, he guides you over to the bed. He puts his shades on the bedside table. When you both lay down and get under the covers, he turns to face you. Your heart is pounding like a million times per second right now as you turn to look back at him.

“You’re blushing pretty hard right now. You okay?” He says, and you can definitely see that slight little shit-eating smirk. He’s really gonna tease you right now. How could he even tell you’re blushing?

“Shut up! I’m fine… You just caught me off guard..” You defend.

“What? Did you think I wanted to have sex?” You would think he’s teasing since he’s still smirking, but it also sounds kind of like a genuine question.

Hearing him say it out loud while looking at you with those intense eyes makes you blush harder, like your face is actively working against you. “NO! Well… I mean I wasn’t sure.” You have to look away for a second. “And sleeping in the same bed just feels intimate in its own way, even without sex.”

He nods understandingly. “Yeah, you’re right, this is pretty intimate I guess.” It’s silent for a moment then. “…But …I don’t know. It just feels right after everything that happened today.” He looks away now, facing the ceiling.

This grants you to look back at him. You take in his beauty, the moonlight from the window being the only luminescence to light the scene. Even the curve of his nose looks perfect, making an impressive outline of his side profile. You just can’t stress to yourself enough how you love seeing him like this. You wish you could do it everyday. You’re smiling without realizing it.

“You can take a picture if you want, it’ll last longer.” He says, glancing at you while keeping his head in place.

You blush again and shove at him lightly. “Fuck you!” You say, but you laugh afterwards. He smiles in response. If only you could stay this way forever.

You turn to face the ceiling as well. After that, it feels like it’s the end of your conversation, and you both start trying to fall asleep. You’re laying there for so long trying to sleep, you can’t remember how long it’s been. You did get a lot of sleep earlier so it makes sense that it’s a little hard now, plus being in bed with Dirk isn’t helping. Your heart is still kinda racing.

What happens next almost gives you a heart attack. You feel Dirk snag his arms around your torso, his face leaning into your arm. You’re frozen, and you’re not sure if he’s sleeping or not, so you don’t say anything.

As if he feels your discomfort, he speaks, in a low tone “Sorry. Is this okay?”

“Mhm…” you respond quietly, and carefully move your arm up and put it over him, and he automatically leans into your side now.

Now it’s really hard to sleep, so you just open your eyes. You look down at him and take in the rare and perfect sight of Dirk Strider sleeping. He looks so peaceful. Unbothered, undisturbed by Earth C and all your stupid post-Sburb problems. You wish you could make it all go away for him.

You start to run your hands though his hair softly, and he hums slightly in response. Still slightly awake, but you can tell he’s on his way out. You smile at how natural this feels now.

You finally feel yourself start to fall asleep as well.

“I think I’ll stay here for a while.” You say quietly, but Dirk is already sleeping. And you follow suit with him again as soon as you say that.

The two of you stay intertwined for the rest of the night.

END

#dirk strider x reader #dirk strider #dirk #strider #self insert #homestuck #hs #homestuck fanfic #homestuck epilogues #homestuck^2 #sorry for the possible jade slander that could be interpreted. i literally love her but in the epilogues it was yikes #also kinda #davekat x reader #one sided crush #unreciprocated love

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newronantic · 3 years ago

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HAIKYUU!! FICS

so this is mostly gonna be for myself to keep track of my favorite fics i’ve read, but hey if anyone else wants to check some of these out then thats great

MHA one is up!!

ill keep updating this as i read more, feel free to send me suggestions!

KageHina

plain as day - emleewrites

In which Hinata has spent the better part of the last twenty years putting his heart and soul into volleyball, hoping to be recognised, to be noticed. And yet he spends all these years also thinking of himself as rather plain, beyond his lack of height and bright hair, and not really noticeable at all.

In Transit - Mysecretfanmoments

Hinata finds that he likes standing close to Kageyama on buses and trains. It doesn't mean anything--probably. Maybe.

I like the way your clothes smell - Mysecretfanmoments

Power outages, ghost stories, and the presence of a certain orange-haired boy lead to bad decision-making on Tobio's part. He'd planned to keep his crush a secret; the universe has other plans.

Chaotic Neutral - akaraka

Who's this Kageyama person on twitter and is he gay?

1: Anonymous: see title

2: Anonymous: curry king

3: Anonymous >> 1: It's the curry king, obviously. Have you been using his memes this whole time without knowing who he was?

4: Anonymous: 1) Hinata Shouyou's boyfriend 2) See above

jellyfish - mysterytwin

At the beginning of his last year at Karasuno High School, Hinata Shouyou starts a list and calls it THINGS TO DO BEFORE GRADUATION, all with high hopes that he’ll be able to complete it before his time runs out.

TsukkiYama

Try This On For Size - CloudMonsta

A lot changed for Yamaguchi Tadashi over the course of high school. He started trying on dresses, for one.

The Great Yamaguchi-Tsukishima Split (Capitalization Necessary) - WyYeuw

"But no, the current situation isn’t normal. This situation requires the full attention of the team.

No, what’s really concerning this time around, is that Yamaguchi is the one ignoring Tsukishima.”

Yamaguchi confesses. Tsukishima fucks up—like, really fucks up. The volleyball club notices and loses a week’s worth of practice.

IwaOi

Terrarium - sausaged

He's practically a professional at being proactive (lies, lies, and lies when it comes to Iwaizumi).

At this point, is he really happy with just staying best friends forever? Will he be writing journals and collecting rocks forever (he will, he knows, but that is aside from the point)?

Can he really tag his Instagram photos with #YOLO if he doesn't actually put that phrase into practice?

A story about Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime, plants, and rocks.

They Say it Rain Diamonds on Jupiter - exsao

"You're in love with him."

Hajime considers denying it. He considers deliberately choking on his drink to express surprise, to create a distraction by spitting onto the man in front of him's pristine white shirt and causing a commotion. Instead, he swallows his mouthful of soda and heaves a small sigh once his mouth is free.

"Yeah," he says instead.

He's never been good at lying, anyway.

bait and switch - Stylographic_Blue_Rhapsody

Oikawa's university volleyball team knows he's in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school. They imagine a sweet-faced girl that matches his sarcasm with patience. They are so incredibly wrong.

my heart is where it’s always been - foreverautumn

Iwaizumi places his phone down carefully.

Oikawa. Pining after someone. There’s no way.

(Iwaizumi knows he shouldn’t care who Oikawa might have feelings for, but within the span of three days, it’s somehow the only thing he can think about.)

KuroKen

Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life - todxrxki

Kuroo Tetsurou runs a private Twitter account where he's constantly tweeting about how desperately in love he is with Kozume Kenma. Little does he know that Kenma sees all the tweets and keeps referencing the account in an attempt to get Kuroo to confess to him. / Or, five times Kuroo didn't notice Kenma hinting about his private Twitter account, and one time he finally did.

the things that get caught in the valves of his heart - ghostpot

Emotional competency is not exactly Kuroo's strong suit. Kenma finds it quite amusing.

Accidentally In Love - todxrxki

Kuroo frowns, but then slowly, the corners of his mouth lift up into a smirk. "Well, if it's so unbelievable, why don't we give it a try?"

Kenma glances up at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Let's do the 36 questions to fall in love," Kuroo says, still smirking stupidly. "If we don't fall in love, then you're right, it's bullshit. But if we do somehow..." Kuroo waggles his eyebrows. "Then I win." / Kuroo decides he and Kenma should do the 36 questions to fall in love as a joke, but they both start to realize they might actually be in love already.

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) - cosmogony

TW: major character death

Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives

even if you’re ahead for a bit, i will catch up - ghostpot

Kuroo first confesses when they're sticky-fingered, wide-eyed kids, and subsequently every day after that. Kenma takes a while to come around.

you’re the brake lines failing (as my car swerves off the freeway) - ghostpot

Kenma thinks that Kuroo looks ugly with his head bent against the arm of the couch like that. Then Kenma thinks that he wants to marry him, and is promptly thrown into the 5 stages of grief.

teach me the way home - icespyders

“Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —

because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long

and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station

when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.”

Kuroo and Kenma grow up in transit.

in this universe - crossbelladonna

Living with Kuroo is sometimes, just like this. It always feels surreal like he's living half a world and a lot of things rush by too quickly. Kenma feels like he'd watched him come and go in a blink, eyes wide and wordless as the shared space went snug in an instant and far larger in the next.

All this, and a glass of water.

Beginning’s End - todxrxki

Somehow over the course of Kenma's lifetime, he’s never really had an opportunity to miss Kuroo. He’s always been there. Even when they went to different schools, Kuroo would meet him afterwards so they could walk home together, shoulders brushing, Kuroo occasionally taking the opportunity to guide him when his nose was buried in the newest video game. The thought of Kuroo not being there anymore is uncomfortable, to say the least. / Kozume Kenma's third year and the changes the year brings in himself and his relationship with Kuroo Tetsurou.

All I Want for Christmas is You - todxrxki

“Kuro,” he says. “You’re a single guy.”

“Yeah, great, thanks for pointing that out.”

“And my parents already know you, plus they already know you like guys or whatever so… what if you pretended to be my date for Christmas dinner?” / In which Kenma recruits his housemate and best friend Kuroo to be his fake date for Christmas.

BokuAka

just to miss the sun - rosevtea

Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

Operation BokuAka - kazzydolyn

After spending two whole years watching Bokuto and Akaashi pine for one another, the rest of the Fukuroudani Volleyball Club has had enough. When everyone meets up for a reunion dinner, the team decides to play matchmaker and finally get the two of them together. Unfortunately, their plan starts to fall apart when they discover that Akaashi is already dating someone. And apparently so is Bokuto. What a strange coincidence.

bitter - silvercistern

He accepted his classmate's chocolates gracefully, then declared his lack of interest with as much dignity as he could muster. She deserved the courtesy. At least she'd acknowledged that Valentine's Day was all about her, and not about him in the slightest.

Because if any of these girls had taken the time to actually get to know him, they’d quickly realize something even more important than his lack of interest in girls.

And that was that Akaashi hated sweets.

In Another Life - LittleLuxray

TW: major character death

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

120% yes - pissedofsandwich

TOKYO FRANCHISE COMING SOON @OnigiriMiya

in reply to @bokkun_official

Congratulations! In celebration of your historic engagement, please DM us so we can send you a free membership code with a 25% discount on every fourth purchase!

Kissing Ace - karasunovolleygays

It happens right after training camp.

Akaashi Keiji has a secret he has guarded since he was a child. He won’t go so far as to call it a fear, but more of an aspect of himself of which he is horribly mortified. No one on the team knows about it, and Akaashi does his best to keep it that way.

But years of dodging hugs and casual contact come to naught in the blink of an eye and the swipe of a hand.

daisy rings and frivolous things (i am deliriously in love with you) - gabstar

Akaashi Keiji is in love. Bokuto Koutarou is a star. Everyone on Fukurodani has a gambling problem.

SakuAtsu

The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets - isaksara (syailendra)

Sakusa’s eyes are very dark naturally, sucking in all surrounding rays of light and crushing them in his pupils. For an athlete, he is rather pale. His lips look very pink in comparison. Atsumu is suddenly catastrophically aware that in this instance, ‘accent’ is a euphemism. “Good enough for your Olympic-size ego, Miya?”

(In which Atsumu realizes that he is attracted to Sakusa Kiyoomi in the most inconvenient way possible.)

A Liar’s Truth - internetpistol

In which Sakusa Kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but then takes one look at Miya Atsumu and thinks, then why the hell did God make them so fucking hot?

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yourfavisirredeemable · 4 years ago

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souyo angst - post-true ending

y’all the souyo tag has been more active than I’ve seen it in a long time (I think cause of the PC release) which makes me happier than I can measure. I’ve loved persona 4 ever since 8th grade and souyo really is my favorite ship of all time. in celebration, here’s a bunch of angst headcanons I’ve been holding onto for 5 years, specifically related to the izanami battle/true ending. (they’re actually not necessarily souyo-specific, but since I ship souyo they kinda have that overall vibe)

- do y’all really think yu narukami is just gonna come away from that battle with izanami/being trapped in a time loop illusion for an untold period of time and NOT bring any trauma with him? cause I don’t

- specifically, he can’t get rid of a horrible, nagging thought that follows him even after the IT celebrates their victory - what if this is all still part of izanami’s illusion? izanami could have just nested an illusion inside of an illusion, and that way, she can defeat him without him even knowing it

- which would mean, of course, that his friends are all still dead and he’s just living it up with a bunch of illusions. his friends sacrificed themselves for him, while he gets to live out his summer days in peace surrounded by a perfect simulation.

- that thought is terrifying to him, and it only grows over time. there’s the horror of nothing being real and his friends being dead, compounded with the guilt of having abandoned them and the helplessness of never being able to know the truth. he has the cold realization one night that he’ll never again know for certain that the world he’s living in is the real one.

- but he tries to keep it to himself and act like he normally does. after all, if he can’t ever know for sure, why worry about it? this world is probably the real one - his friends seem normal, time keeps flowing like it usually does, and even the velvet room seems the same as it was before

- as hard as he tries, his doubts and fears are really impacting his mental health, which eventually affects the way he acts. it’s subtle, but the others eventually notice it - yosuke does first, since he knows yu the best.

- he notices that whenever there’s a silence, yu will stare off into space with a strained and even slightly fearful expression. he’s worried, but he just tries to be there for his partner like normal, figuring he’ll talk to him if he needs someone to rely on

- rise notices the dark circles under his eyes and asks about them, to which yu nonchalantly responds that his part time work keeps him a little busy. chie notices that he doesn’t seem to have as much fun when they work out or watch movies, and yukiko notices the way he starts withdrawing from conversations until he’s standing at the edge of the group, even quieter than normal.

- teddie and kanji don’t notice anything on their own, but eventually those who have started to get worried bring it up with the rest of the group. naoto, of course, has noticed everything, but nothing in yu’s behavior has indicated it’s anything worse than blues about leaving inaba or stress from work

- yu, for his part, realizes that his friends probably know something’s up, but every day he feels less and less motivated to tell them what’s actually wrong. after all, what would he even say - I’m afraid all of you are illusions, and my real friends are already dead?

- plus, there’s the fact that saying his fears out loud would somehow make them feel more real. so instead, he tries to ignore them, and only spirals more

- he starts feeling really scared when he finds himself having the occasional violent thought toward his own friends - if the real yosuke’s dead, why should this illusion get to live? how dare an illusion pretend to be his best friend?

(more specific headcanons/fic ideas under the cut)

- imo, the possibilities for this headcanon are endless. you can take your hurt/comfort as far as you want it to go (personally, I love projecting my mental illness onto fictional characters so full depression/anxiety is definitely on the table), and the timeframe means any fics could be set either before or after he leaves inaba

- personally, I think it could be interesting if he returns to the TV world, perhaps to look for answers or just to blow off some steam, and finds out his shadow’s gotten loose again. which would ofc mean that now he’s trapped in the TV world with no persona, a shadow that for sure wants to kill him, and a dungeon of his own forming around him

- (btw, I know the TV world changes after the fight with izanami, but I think since it still exists and the IT still has personas, they can still have shadows as well)

- this would be an interesting way for the IT to find out what’s really been happening. they would notice yu missing and eventually check the TV world, whereupon they would find an entire dungeon and see yu’s shadow for the first time.

- the dungeon, I think, would have a lot of different elements - recurring rooms from dojima’s house to represent the time loop he was trapped in, an origami version of inaba to represent how everything seems fake, etc.

- as for his shadow, since I love to go full angst, I think it would be absolutely vicious. it represents the nagging belief that everything’s fake, his hatred toward himself for “abandoning” his friends and living a happy lie, and his hatred toward the IT for being illusions meant to replace his dead friends

- as a result, it would try to kill yu almost immediately after manifesting and attack the IT on sight. this would be particularly devastating for yosuke - he only found out that saki hated him (x to doubt, I’m still not convinced she actually didn’t like him but that’s another post) through her shadow, so being immediately attacked by yu’s shadow would be heartbreaking

- yu’s shadow wouldn’t feel any need to explain itself to an illusion, so it would just silently and violently attack him with a look of pure hatred. which would be a confirmation of his worst fear, that yu secretly doesn’t think of him as a partner or an equal, and in fact doesn’t even think of him as a friend.

- but of course he would soldier on, determined to save yu even in light of his “true” feelings. the rest of the IT would also bring up the fact that they don’t know the full story yet, and there could be a reasonable explanation for why yu’s shadow is so violent

- since I love to make my favorite characters suffer, I also like to headcanon that eventually yu would let his shadow kill him. or at least almost kill him, since the IT busts down the door before it’s too late, but at that point he’s unconscious and in no shape to accept or reject his shadow

- (he didn’t accept it before even though he knew he should because he didn’t want to accept his violent urges toward himself and especially toward his friends)

- so basically the IT just has to grab yu and run. I was thinking this headcanon through and my brain was like ‘why not throw in some extra souyo angst,’ so a barely conscious yu might pull a reverse uno card on yosuke and sacrifice himself to protect him, unwilling to let his friend sacrifice himself again

- which would ofc make things even worse for yosuke. aside from the obvious, there’s the confusion arising from the fact that yu’s shadow tried to kill him, but yu himself was willing to sacrifice his life for him

- either way, I think yu would be barely alive by the time they make it out of the TV world. from there it’s just a matter of him recuperating enough to go back in and accept his shadow, which is complicated by the fact that essentially being split in half across two dimensions is definitely not healthy.

- there’s plenty of angst in the recovery process, but this post is already super long and I wanna get into some of my other thoughts

- just a quick aside, I think as a perhaps less angsty headcanon yu might just be extra averse to yosuke sacrificing himself after they win against izanami, especially in the animated version where I think only yosuke sacrifices himself instead of all of their friends

- so the next time yosuke tries to sacrifice himself for yu he’d get an earful, maybe even accompanied by a breakdown where yosuke realizes how badly he scared his partner during the fight with izanami

- anyway, I also have a fun night in the woods-type idea relating to this - after yu leaves inaba, nothing seems real to him to the point that it actively breaks down his mental health

- it’s only when he returns to inaba or is with someone from inaba that the world doesn’t just look like a grayscale mesh of unsubstantial shapes

- which could lead to something interesting if yosuke (or your yu narukami pairing of choice) comes to visit him at his college dorm and finds it an absolute mess or barely decorated at all with a depressed yu inside, or if yu drops out of college entirely to return to inaba, baffling his friends and family because he was at a really good college and had a great future ahead of him, or if he returns to inaba and is terrified to find that sometimes it’s in grayscale too, or-

- the point is I’ve thought a lot about this and I love both persona 4 and night in the woods so I think it’s fun

- there’s also plenty of potential for yu to just break down and tell his friends what’s wrong in the real world before he leaves inaba, which could make for a great hurt/comfort oneshot

- all in all, I think yu would have definitely been traumatized by living in a time loop for who knows how long and there’s a lot of potential there. (don’t ask me about what I think would happen if margaret hadn’t gotten him out of the time loop cause that’s an even longer even darker post. or maybe do ask me)

anyway, I know the souyo fandom probably still isn’t exactly popping off but I hope anyone who finds this post enjoys it!

#persona 4 #souyo #yu narukami #yosuke hanamura #souji seta #headcanons #fic ideas #this has been in my brain for so long y'all believe me this is the short version #long post #tw suicide #tw depression #tw anxiety

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masterjedilenawrites · 4 years ago

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Blueberries and Cowboys: Chapter 1

A choose-your-own-adventure style fic. First, 2 platonic chapters for set-up/build-up. And then, the story will split into 2 paths depending on your romantic pairing preference: You and Thrawn, or You and Eli.

Set Up: You are an outcast at the Imperial Academy, which means your only options for friends are the tall and stoic Chiss Mitth'raw'nuruodo and his translator from Wild Space Eli Vanto. The three of you get along, for the most part... Thrawn is obsessed with acing all the exams, Eli is desperate to show up his classmates, and you... well, you just want to feel like you belong somewhere. And hiding beneath it all are your unspoken feelings, longing to be realized, but fearful of ruining the balance of your trio's friendship....

Chapter Masterlist

Chapter 1: The Problem

Pairing: None yet, just a nice friendship trio

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of bullying

Length: 2k

AO3 Link (In case you like it better over there, it’s okay, no judgement)

You wound down the hallways of the building with a scowl on your face. You would never grow used to this ridiculously long walk, from your first class of the day to the next, so conveniently located on complete opposite sides of the facility. Whoever had designed your schedule this year was either an utter imbecile or had done so on purpose, just to tick you off. At this point in your education here at the Imperial Academy, you knew either scenario was equally likely. You weren't exactly liked by the staff or your peers, and there were plenty of idiots to go around.

The one saving grace of your journey was that you would eventually cross paths with the only two friends you had managed to make in this elitist hell-hole: Eli Vanto and Mitth'raw'nuruodo.

Eli would be the first, his class letting out just a few corridors away from yours. He was leaning against an alcove in the wall just out of the way of passing traffic, his usual spot. When you rounded the corner, he pushed off and fell into step beside you.

"What happened?" you asked, having noticed he was scowling as well. His resting face usually made him look like a sad puppy, so for him to have such a prominent frown this early in the morning, something really upsetting must have happened.

"Lost the debate," he grumbled.

Ah, you'd forgotten he had that today. You and Thrawn had helped him practice for weeks, covering every possible argument and rebuttal from his opponent on the assigned topic. He had it in the bag, or so you'd all thought.

"What? How? Don't tell me you got stage-fright."

He glared over at you. "No, I wasn't nervous or anything. I did everything perfect. But all Arden had to do was throw in a few snide remarks about my accent and that got the whole class turned in his favor."

Eli started biting down on one of his nails in frustration. You frowned along with him. That was a variable none of you had accounted for while practicing.

"Is Arden the pimply-faced guy?"

"Yeah."

"Hate him," you muttered.

"Yeah."

The two of you paused at the doors of a lift, waiting for the previous occupants to exit before filing in yourselves and punching the button for the next level up. Eli was still chewing on his nails.

"Stop," you exclaimed, swatting his hand away from his mouth. "I told you that's a bad habit."

"Oh yeah, what's this then?" He grabbed one of your hands and twisted it around so you could see the splotches of chipped polish on your nails.

You jerked your hand away and held it defensively against your chest. "There's only so much I can do with this insane caseload, okay? I haven't had time to think about my nails."

"Then why'd you paint 'em in the first place?" he said with a bit of a laugh. Well, at least his mood was improving, even if it was at your expense.

You swatted at him just as the lift doors opened. "Maybe I want to try feeling pretty sometimes, not like some zombie student."

You both were keenly aware that the cadets waiting to board the lift had backed up significantly as you passed, despite not having been in your way at all. They were all whispering too, and by the tone, it was probably not about very nice things. It was always like that, wherever you went. Even if they didn't know your reputations of being from wild, "backwater" planets, they need only hear one of you speak to know you were different. And in these Core worlds, different was inferior.

"You know you don't have to follow our course map, right?" Eli spoke up again, once you'd put some distance between the lift of sneering cadets. "Me, I don't have a choice. Thrawn's determined to graduate in as little time as possible, and I'm the sorry sucker who has to follow 'im. I'd run far away from the guy if I were you. Enjoy your freedom."

Eli complained about the last member of your trio, Thrawn, at least six times a day. And half of those complaints ended with him telling you to make a break for it. You knew he didn't mean any of it; the two of you had spent the last holiday break at a bar, and in his drunkenness, Eli had confessed to being secretly grateful for having met the Chiss. He only complained to cope with the stress.

And you... well, you weren't really sure why they let you hang around. They'd both easily become your closest friends, but you weren't always sure where you stood with them. Maybe they did like your company. Or maybe they just felt sorry for you. They were both friendly enough, allowing you to join them on Thrawn's "fast track" out of the Academy. But you had a feeling that as soon as you all graduated, they'd leave you behind and move on to whatever mission the Emperor had planned for Thrawn in the Navy.

You tried not to think about it too much.

Speaking of your friend, Mitth'raw'nuruodo emerged from a classroom doorway just a few paces ahead. Right on time, as always. His specialized "tactical statistics" class ended several minutes ago, but he had learned to carefully time your path so he wouldn't have to stand awkwardly in the hall waiting. It was for the best; you and Eli may sometimes draw unwanted attention, but poor Thrawn always stood out like a very big, very blue sore thumb.

"We have a problem," he stated, coming up on your other side. You never had to ask Thrawn what was wrong; if he had a problem worth sharing, you would hear about it.

"Hallway problem or 'fresher problem?" asked Eli.

You'd all agreed long ago there were some topics of conversation best had out of earshot from any passerby. And since most scurried out of the refresher whenever Thrawn went in, that became the only suitable place for such conversations, if it couldn't wait until your dorms at the end of the day.

"Refresher," Thrawn said. He looked down at you. "You'll be late for your class."

You shrugged. "If it's important...."

"It is."

You trusted him; he wasn't the type to make up drama or blow things out of proportion. The three of you picked up the pace, turning right instead of the usual left, and slipping into the men's bathroom. Thankfully it was already empty. Eli turned the lock just in case.

Thrawn wasted no time diving into the particulars. "I have come to learn our flight instructor, Commander Burdick, intends to sabotage my simulation tests next month. He is acquainted with Admissions Supervisor Aberdeen and understands that a failing mark will require a remedial course before being allowed back into the program. This would set my graduation back several months."

That was a problem. The flight course was one of the longer ones, and mandatory, and you were all so close to finally being through with it. Just one more round of simulation tests and then an actual flight around Coruscant.

Eli was groaning by the door. "You've gotta be kidding."

"I am not," said Thrawn in a measured voice. He knew it was just an expression, but you knew it was one of his pet peeves.

Eli wasn't listening, instead kicking at the tiled floor and mumbling about how this was so typical and why can't we just be left alone.

You turned to Thrawn. "Just you?"

"The ill will seems to be mostly directed toward me. Supervisor Aberdeen does not appreciate the special provisions that have been afforded me on behalf of the Emperor, and has coerced Commander Burdick to indulge in his spitefulness. However, I would not put it past them to also have plans for either of you, as well. They are aware of our... connection."

You were certain he was about to say friendship but changed his mind. Did he not know the word for it? Was he too embarrassed to admit it? Or did he truly not see you or Eli as anything more than connections?

"Okay, but..." Eli was still processing things. "How? What's their plan?"

"I purposefully said the Commander intended to sabotage the tests. He does not yet have a plan."

"So... we stop 'im," said Eli.

"Or," you countered, a mischievous smirk playing about your lips. "We don't."

Eli merely blinked at you, but Thrawn was very interested. "Go on," he encouraged.

"If we learn what the plan is, or maybe even give him a plan of our own, then we can let it play out and ensure he gets in trouble for it."

Thrawn rubbed his chin as he considered. You knew he'd soon slip into his usual routine of pacing and muttering in unknown languages, which could take a while and make you even later for your class. You cleared your throat, drawing his two red eyes back to yours.

"Surely a Commanding Officer wouldn't dare do anything to sabotage you directly," you offered. "He'll either look for some help or pin it on someone else, in case there's an investigation."

Thrawn rubbed his chin again. "You think we should influence the Commander on who to pick to be his... what do you call it, ensipki?"

"Scapegoat," Eli said quickly. It was becoming second nature for him to translate what was left of the holes in Thrawn's understanding of Basic.

"Right, and then we can expose the deception just before the tests," you said. "Before there's time to come up with another plan."

Thrawn's eyes narrowed in thought. "A decent idea, but it would require the education of one of our fellow cadets to be jeopardized. It should not be our first plan."

"But if he's going to use one of them anyway..." you started to protest.

"Then we should seek to expose his connection to that person as well. This is an instructor who is not serving the best interest of several of his students. He should be the only one blamed."

You weren't going to let his logic win this time. As far as you could tell, this was a perfect opportunity to get revenge on your obnoxious classmates. "It's going to be a lot easier to take issue up with the Board against a student than an instructor. We can try to expose both people, but if we can't, then at least we can nail one of them. It's called a scapegoat for a reason."

Eli spoke up before Thrawn could respond, throwing you a meaningful look. "Arden's in his class. Different time, same instructor."

"Who is this Arden?" asked Thrawn.

"The racist asshole who unfairly stole Eli's grade on the debate today," you said. You'd picked your words deliberately, and it did the trick.

"Very well. We have our scapegoat," said Thrawn.

You winked at Eli and he hid a smile.

"So," Thrawn continued, fully invested now. "We will need to push Arden toward the Commander as a viable accomplice. We will need to gain insight into the details of their plan. And then we will need to ensure those details are brought to light at the right moment."

The three of you looked among each other. This was probably the tenth plan this year alone that you'd all devised to take care of some kind of "problem." Just last week Thrawn had discovered misinformation in one of your textbooks that took the three of you on a field trip to the lower levels of Coruscant to find a con-artist who'd sold a quarter-hundred counterfeit materials to the Academy library. You'd only had the weekend to catch up on all the rest of your homework, and here you all were again, ready to jump into another scheme.

You had suggested the idea, so you were already grinning and ready to go. Thrawn had just put together a to-do list, and you could almost see the gears in his head continuing to spin as he determined more points to the plan.

The deciding vote was Eli. Though he often complained about not having a choice, you and Thrawn rarely forced him to do anything and were always respectful if he had a differing opinion. This time, you had a feeling he'd be on board.

He set his hands on his hips and smirked. "Disgracing a shitty classmate and a shitty teacher in order to save our grades? Let's do it."

Next Chapter: The Plan >

#star wars #thrawn #eli vanto #thrawn x reader #eli vanto x reader #choose your own adventure #friendship #romance #mitth'raw'nuruodo

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whenimaunicorn · 5 years ago

Text

The Heart of Admiration

Black Sails Fic: Charles Vane x Reader

Drabble combining two requests: “Imagine the moment Charles Vane realizes he’s fallen for you” and “ Vane falls for a highly competent female pirate, maybe from a rival crew? Maybe some mutual pining before they get together?”

There it is. That way you bite your lip, when you pause to consider your next words. That plump little lip bounces free as you take a breath to answer Jack’s question, and Vane feels his body warm. That must be the reason he’s so drawn to you.

“But the manufactured items are harder to fence,” you’re telling Jack now, your fine brows knitting together adorably as you haggle with the Ranger’s quartermaster. “So despite what you’re saying about the division of the plunder, the value is not in fact equal, not in practice, because the factory stamps make them easier to trace. Especially the silverware. My contacts don’t pay well for that sort of trouble, those that would even take them at all.”

You’re smart, too. Captain Fisher was quite fortunate to have landed you as his quartermaster, Vane muses as he nurses his ale, running his thumb back and forth across the edge of his cup. It’s always a pleasure to listen to you negotiate. Perhaps you’re even the reason why Vane agreed to work with your crew on this job in the first place.

Not that his own quartermaster isn’t quick-witted, too. “Melt down the bloody silver then,” Jack snaps at your quibbling.

“Another expense,” you retort, “see what I mean?” You sit back, adjusting your coat. The brocade is quite fetching, and flatters you well as you lean arrogantly on one jaunty elbow. Just feminine enough to stir a man’s loins, but there’s nothing that looks weak about you. Vane knows that’s something that draws him to you, too. “We’ll take the tobacco, instead. Easy enough to ‘damage’ the customs stamps.”

Jack scowls. Vane has half a mind to lift you into his lap right here, though he knows you’d strike him directly across the face for it. And probably try to call off the whole deal, at that.

Not that you’re negotiating from a position of strength. “Why should we give you the more profitable portion of the take?” Vane asks, leaning forward and regarding you from under his brow. He sees your eyes widen for just a moment after they meet his. He’s not sure what the reaction means, but it’s something, and Vane thrills at having the power to shake you. “We were the ones that emptied our hold to haul it all back. A rushed job, that wasn’t without loss of value.”

You take a deep breath before answering him, your breasts swelling tight and high above your corset. God, his palms are just itching to cover them and then make you do that again. “That,” you arch one perfect brow, “is not my problem. You have the bigger ship, it made sense that you would carry the plunder back to Nassau, but we have just as many guns as you, and just as many fighters.”

“Is that a threat?” Vane growls. Not because he’s truly feeling belligerent, mostly just because he enjoys riling you up.

“Charles, please,” Jack interrupts with placating hands, before you can respond to the escalation with more than a dark flash of your eyes. “Two against one is hardly sporting, for a civilized negotiation such as the one we are having right here. Why don’t we just order another round, and wait for Captain Fisher to arrive.” One expressive eyebrow raised, he flashes a look at you. “Your captain is joining us, is he not?”

Vane barely suppresses a shark’s smile. Everyone here knows that your captain is currently otherwise engaged. Though, outmaneuvered little thing that you are, you do not know that Jack and Vane are already wise to the reason for your captain’s absence, and have already taken measures. All Vane is waiting for now is a signal from his men.

“Of course,” you say in a clipped tone. “I can’t imagine what the delay might be.” Your eyes flit from Jack to Vane and back again. “Shall I go fetch him?”

You start to rise and Vane’s hand shoots out, clamping your wrist into the table. “No need for that, love.” He holds on a little longer than is necessary, even as you sit back down. He finds that he is both aroused and ashamed at his ability to make you nervous. If he wants a woman, he wants to conquer her, but some small voice inside him is whispering that with you, this should not be the way. He lets your hand go. “We can negotiate without him.”

You fix him with a level look, gathering your confidence as your posture straightens before him again. You nod. "What I was saying was, regardless of the larger size of your ship and the logistical consequences on the cargo storage, we were equal partners in the take. I am simply making certain we are compensated as such. The Ranger would not have been able to subdue the merchant’s escort without us.” There’s that fire in your belly again. That, that’s what it really is, Vane muses as he watches your lips form hot words. The reason that he cannot stop thinking of you at night. “Which brings me to my next point: adjusting the shares based on my crew’s heavier losses.”

Jack’s brows knit together again. “Are you suggesting we should be creating something other than an equal split now, after the job is already done?” He looks to his captain for support.

Vane sits back, taking a long pull off his tankard of ale. None of this matters anyway, not if Jack’s hunch about Captain Fisher turns out to be right. And look, there’s his man now, giving him the high sign from the doorway of the tavern. Vane stands up abruptly, letting his body crowd your personal space. “Let’s take a walk, shall we? And then we’ll come back to the idea of what kind of shares your crew deserves.”

He looks down to see the blood draining from your face as you follow his eye to the ugly grin on his crewman’s face. He offers you his arm, and you have no choice but to take it.

“Don’t be afraid, dove,” he says as he marches you to the front door, though he regrets the condescension of the pet name instantly. You are much more than a shivering bird. “Jack and I are open to striking up new negotiations with you, personally. Your captain, however…” he trails off as the two of you step out into the street, Jack close behind. Several of the Ranger’s best men have your captain held between them, his bloodied head drooping in defeat.

“Caught ‘im and his crew sneaking onto the Ranger, Captain,” Vane’s man reports. “Just like you said.”

Captain Fisher coughs, a wet and ugly sound that suggest internal damage. Vane smirks at the justice of that, and turns to you.

You are scowling up at him, that delicious lip thrust out in a last defiant effort. “Couldn’t let you hold all the chips while we quibbled over how they’d be split up,” you explain. There is very little remorse in your voice. “The captain was only attempting to secure our fair share.”

Vane presses a hand to his heart, pretending to feel a wound. “You didn’t think you could trust me?” He had already told himself it didn’t hurt, hours ago when he had figured out what you crew was up to. Why should you behave any differently than anyone he had ever met? You were only protecting your own, as any good leader should. His grip on your arm tightens.

“We were, in point of fact, going to deal fairly with you,” Jack interposes. The anger is showing on his face as well. “But now…”

“Now you get the monster you were expecting,” Vane finishes for him, voice low, purring over the rage that always feels so good to indulge. He nods toward his men. “Kill everyone that was caught boarding our ship. Don’t make a scene, but don’t take too long with it. Then board the Starling and seize her. No one takes over Fisher’s crew. The men that are left will have to find work elsewhere.”

Vane sees real fear in your eyes now. You swallow it, and face him calmly. “Am I to die too?”

Your bravery. Your spirit. Perhaps that, that is what is at the heart of his admiration for you. Warmth tempers the high of Vane’s rage, the spiraling emotions conspiring into a rushing feeling he hopes will never end.

“I believe there is room to talk about that,” Jack says to you, stepping closer and making Vane realize you two have been locking eyes without speaking for a potentially awkward length of time. “Seeing as your attempt to distract us with a false negotiation here in this tavern did not, in fact, distract or mislead us at all, given that we were wise to the ploy all along, a case could be made that you have not, in fact, done us any ill that must be answered.”

You tear your eyes away from Vane’s to regard Jack with suspicion. “Why?” Your voice is sharp and true. Shrewd even when others would be begging and desperate. What a woman Vane has found in you.

“Join us,” Vane blurts, feeling like his tongue is tripping over his heavy need for you to say yes. “You deserve a better crew than that one.”

Part Two

Black Sails Masterlist

#charles vane #black sails fanfic #captain vane #charles vane x reader #black sails fanfiction

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visionsofus · 4 years ago

Note

I suggest the song "Where the Shadow Ends" by Banners for your mixtape fic. It's beautiful and melancholic, but also hopeful. It's given me a lot of inspiration for WandaVision fics lately.

Ahh thank you so much for this song!! I totally get what you mean with it being kinda sombre but also hopeful! It’s captured so perfectly in the lyrics too. Sorry it took me a while to get around to this - but better late than never ✨

Track #12: Where The Shadow Ends by BANNERS

| read on AO3 here | mixtape playlist | send me an ask with your song/prompt request |

synopsis: Wanda falls ill at the compound and Vision panics. Surprisingly, her illness gives them an opportunity to talk about their feelings. Wanda comes to terms with putting faith in her feelings and in Vision.

All things considered; Wanda probably shouldn’t have gone to the gym when she did. But Steve had offered to help her with some of the new equipment the compound had ordered in and Wanda knew she pushed herself harder when faced with his superhuman training schedule.

She didn’t feel too bad at the beginning of the work out, going through the motions of warming up. She worked out most days because if she didn’t her body suffered after missions. So, she persisted even when she was tired and her muscles were sore, and apparently, even when it was pouring with rain. She’d quickly regretted her decision to go on a run despite the threatening grey sky. By the time the rain had started Wanda was too far into her run to turn back and had stubbornly refused to call anyone at the compound to come pick her up, instead walking all the way back as her wet shoes started to rub blisters into her heels. Thanks to an hour in sopping wet clothes, battling a harsh wind all the way home she’d woken up with a temperature the past two mornings.

But when she’d checked her temperature a few hours ago it seemed the fever had finally broken, and she was so restless that she didn’t hesitate to accept Steve’s invitation. A mistake she was going to pay for.

The warmup had her feeling a little woozy and lightheaded but not terrible. Things quickly went downhill as she started her usual activities. Just as she picked the dumbbells up to start on her triceps a sudden wave of dizziness hit her full force. Wanda vaguely remembered Steve calling her name as the dumbbells hit the floor with two resounding thuds and she promptly passed out.

Vision was stuck in a research spiral when he distantly heard the Compound AI say his name.

“Currently fetching recent message from Steve Rogers,” the robotic voice said from the speaker in the ceiling and Vision tilted his head as he listened. “Wanda has passed out in the gym, please prepare first aid.”

Vision didn’t give the AI the chance to repeat itself, launching himself out of his seat and phasing through the wall. He was used to quick thinking, easily able to make split second decisions based on a variety of possibilities, but this was something different. He didn’t thinkhe just moved. Within seconds he was phasing through the floors of the compound arriving in the basement with such force that his feet split the tiled floor on impact.

“What happened?” Vision asked with such fervour that he might have reprimanded himself for snapping, were he not so taken aback by the sight of Wanda’s limp body in the Captain’s arms.

“We were ten minutes into our workout and she just dropped to the floor,” Steve explained not hesitating to hand Wanda over to Vision’s waiting arms.

“She has a fever,” Vision said as he gathered Wanda up, holding her close so he could support her head against his chest. She was burning up, her breaths coming in short bursts that concerned him. How had her temperature gotten so high and why hadn’t any of them noticed her getting ill? Most of all, how had he let it slip his attention?

“You get her upstairs while I get a drip.”

They both started up the stairs, Vision trying not to jostle his unconscious cargo, too concerned to try phasing, even if the stairs were frustratingly slower. They parted ways at the ground floor as Steve hurried to the med bay and Vision continued to Wanda’s bedroom.

He kicked her door open with his foot and brought her over to the bed. As he set her down atop the navy covers, lifting her up to slip another pillow under her head, Vision wondered if it might have been better to just take her straight to the infirmary, or better yet, the hospital. But Wanda was notoriously unpredictable when it came to waking up in unfamiliar environments and had taken out a wall the last time she had passed out and woken up in the infirmary. Her own space was better, for now. Vision brushed her hair off her sweating forehead and Wanda groaned softly, shivering in her feverish state and reaching for the bed covers.

“No, no,” Vision murmured pulling Wanda’s hands away as she attempted to pull her covers up over her. She might be feeling cold, but Vision estimated her temperature was nearing 39C. While he waited for Cap to return with the drip Vision hurried to and from the kitchen and her bedroom, carrying with him a bowl of water and a cloth. Distracted, he managed to spill about a quarter of it along the hallway. He was just laying the cloth gently atop her forehead when Steve arrived in the doorway, IV equipment in hand.

“How did she get this fever?” Vision asked as Steve set down the mobile frame and hung the bag of liquid from the top. It was rare for illness to travel around the compound when so many of them were unable to fall sick, though there were far more serious conditions that could cause fever.

“She got caught in the rain on Wednesday, must have caught a cold from that,” Steve replied connecting the tubing and handing the other end to Vision as he prepared the needle. “She didn’t tell you?”

“No, she didn’t tell me,” Vision murmured, stoutly ignoring the little part of him that disliked Steve knowing something about her that he didn’t. He instead focused on finishing the IV, taking a little bit of tape from the first aid kit to secure the tubing to Wanda’s bare arm.

It wasn’t really a surprise that he hadn’t known of her rainy run. In the last week Vision had barely seen Wanda, something he found absurd because he lived just down the hall from the room they were currently in. And, well, the rest of the team often described them as being ‘attached at the hip’. Unfortunately, it seemed Wanda was excellent at making herself scarce when Vision tried to be near her these days. She was clearly trying to set a boundary, which Vision would understandably accept, if only he could understand what it was for. There had been no big change between them that he could identify, if anything they’d been getting closer, but it was as though she’d decided she didn’t like spending time with him anymore.

“I should have told her to go easy with the exercise,” Steve said, more to himself than anything, but Vision silently agreed.

Vision sighed quietly and perched himself next to the unconscious Wanda, removing the cloth from her head and submerging it in the basin once more. “She needs to look after herself,” he murmured, “or at least let someone else help her.” Vision avoided meeting Steve’s eyes following this admission, knowing that behind thissomeone else meant himself.

He wrung the cloth out and returned it to her scorching skin, delicately wiping at her cheeks and neck. Though she seemed more peaceful now and her breathing more regular, he was still on edge. Hopefully the fluids would start to do their job and her temperature would come down, but if this continued through the night, he’d call a doctor.

“And are you alright?” Steve asked, he’d retreated to the wall and was leaning against it now with his arms folded. “You were fairly shaken up down there.”

“Yes,” Vision replied quietly, not wanting to speak too loudly lest they wake her up before her body was ready. “I don’t like seeing her like this.”

Steve hummed thoughtfully. “And everything is alright between you two, other than this? It’s like she runs out of the room whenever she sees you these days.”

“I do not know if everything is alright, I thought things were maybe changing between us, but then she began avoiding me,” Vision sighed, tucking Wanda’s hair back from her face. As he did so she stirred slightly, her head tilting into his touch. She mumbled something incoherent.

“She’s been through a lot. A connection like the one you two seem to have,” Steve cleared his throat, “uh this intimacy I suppose, could be scary and unfamiliar. I could be wrong, of course, I’m just speaking to what I’ve seen in the last few months.”

Vision didn’t reply and continued wiping at her forehead. He often spent more time watching than talking, he spoke when it was of value and only with Wanda did he find himself speaking freely. To have Steve identify this insight about their relationship made him realise that he wasn’t the only one monitoring the interpersonal connections of his teammates.

When he didn’t reply Steve pushed himself off the wall and headed for the door. “She’ll probably be hungry when she wakes up, and you know what they say about chicken soup and the flu. I’ll go to the store.”

“Good idea,” Vision said absentmindedly.

He sat with Wanda quietly for another half hour, replacing the basin of water once and continuing to cool her forehead down. At one point he had to stand to put the blinds down as the late afternoon sun started to hit the side of the compound and streamed through her windows, casting them in a golden light. Otherwise, he was simply content to sit by her side for the first time in a week without her scurrying out of the room or pretending like he wasn’t here.

He rested his chin on his hand and gazed at Wanda’s shelves and the growing collection of items she’d collected on their travels to personalise her room. A snow globe from Atlanta, a framed picture of the team from their first big mission together, a newspaper clipping, one of the few that spoke kindly of her.

“Was I wrong,” he murmured to the air, “to think we were becoming something more?”

“Vis?” Came Wanda’s quiet voice and Vision was surprised to feel her fingers brushing his knee. He turned to her to see she was blinking blearily up at him.

“You’re ok,” Vision assured her instinctively, moving closer to lift the cloth from her forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“Like crap,” she muttered thickly. “Can I have some water?”

“Just a moment.” Vision stood and sped out the room and to the kitchen where he hurriedly filled up a glass and was back at her side in seconds. She managed a soft smile when he reappeared, the first smile he’d seen in a week, which almost had him stumbling as he returned.

He offered his hand to steady her as she sat up a little and took the water from him. When she leant back once more, her eyes were on him darting about his face and he quickly schooled his expression to be free of the worry nagging his heart.

“Is there anything else you need?” Vision asked.

“No,” Wanda sighed sleepily, “just rest I think.”

“Would you like me to leave?” Vision nearly kicked himself for saying what he feared out loud, for providing such an easy opportunity to let her push him away again.

“No.”

“You don’t sound sure.”

In silent response Wanda turned her head away from him and bit her lip.

“You’re ill and tired, we shouldn’t have this conversation right now,” Vision said, aware of the fact that he was buying time for himself before she could give him the answer he feared.

“Please don’t be angry,” Wanda said and then so quietly, Vision thought he had imagined it, “it’s for the best.”

He’d been ready to stand and leave the room but at this took one of her hands in his, squeezing it in what he hoped she took as reassurance. “I am not angry at you, I could never be angry at you. I am worried.”

“But I’ve been avoiding you without explanation,” Wanda huffed raising her free hand to rub the sleep from her eyes.

“Well, I suppose there is that,” Vision relented, “but please know I would never be angry at you for wanting space, I admit I was hurt but if you could explain things to me, if there’s anything I’ve done that you haven’t liked—”

Wanda laughed, or it sounded like something close to a laugh, coarse and cynical more than anything. Vision stopped mid-sentence and looked down at his hands. Distantly, he registered the sound of the front door opening and closing – Steve was back just in time.

“I should go,” Vision said sadly, standing up to leave, “Steve will bring you some soup.”

“Wait no,” Wanda said sitting up and her hands flying out for him. “I wasn’t laughing at you, I swear.”

He could tell she wasn’t lying and slowly let her pull him back down to the bed. Wanda slowly leant against the pillows once more, this moment of exertion had evidently taken it out of her. She closed her eyes even as her hands remained tight on his arm. “The fact that you think you could ever do something I don’t like, is ironic, that’s why I laughed.”

“Ironic?” Vision asked.

Wanda sighed quietly and moved her hands from his arm to his hands, holding them tightly as though prepared to stop him from walking out again. “You want me to spell it out, huh?”

He said nothing.

“I owe you an explanation I suppose,” Wanda said and despite how peaky the sickness was making her look, her cheeks gained a little more colour as she spoke. “You’ve been too good to me, the best part of my days is when I’m with you, I pulled away to see if what I was feeling was real. I thought if I could go a little bit without you then maybe what I was feeling wasn’t that serious,” she jerked her chin to the IV stand next to her, “but my assumptions were correct.”

“So,” Vision began raising his eyes to meet her unwavering gaze, “what you’re saying is…”

“I’m falling for you and I’m scared about what that means for us,” she said and took a deep breath, “and of losing you.”

“You cannot lose me if you don’t have me,” Vision replied, “and perhaps youcan put aside your feelings. I, however, cannot.” It was true, if this week had taught him anything it was that he needed her in his life, by his side and if she let him, as something more.

Wanda’s eyes shone happily for a moment before she seemed to reign herself in. “I thought I could stop how I’m feeling,” she murmured, “I thought it was for the best, I thought I could protect myself.”

“We could protect each other.”

“Until one of us isn’t there,” Wanda said cynically, “I know this isn’t the kind of job we get to retire from.”

“Is that not more reason to pursue this, while we can?” Vision asked leaning closer.

Wanda didn’t have an answer to this, and Vision felt as though he had said enough for her to think about. He stood up, keeping a hold of her hands for as long as he could before he was forced to let go, stepping away.

“I will go and see if your soup is ready.”

Steve sat with Wanda while she ate the soup, her mind doing backflips over her conversation with Vision.

She wasn’t expecting Steve to be so forthright with his questioning, but he asked her as soon as she finished eating. “Have you fixed things between you and Vision?”

Wanda tried not to let her mouth hang open in surprise. “Not yet,” she muttered letting her spoon drop against the bowl and pushing it towards him.

“I’ve never seen him scared before today, you really gave him a fright.”

Wanda didn’t reply, letting the information sit with her even as the guilt began to fester.

“I don’t say that to make you feel bad,” Steve said, as though reading her mind, “I’m telling you so you know how much he cares about you. I mean he’s a synthezoid, Wanda, we used to worry he wouldn’t feel things and now the problem is him feeling too much? Do you not feel the same?”

Wanda stealthily avoided this question, she hadn’t even confessed the full extent of her emotions to Vis, she wasn’t about to let Steve in on her closely guarded heart just yet. No matter how much his counsel usually helped her. “I just feel this great wave of darkness waiting just beyond our horizon,” she said quietly, afraid to admit the brewing shadows she’d been feeling for months now. “Like something big is on the way, something we can’t stop.”

Steve’s brows furrowed at this, but he persisted. “Wanda, you of all people know how much your own mind can be your biggest enemy,” he said, “so is that really reason enough to ignore the light? Avoiding sad emotions doesn’t necessarily make us feel happy, so what makes you think running from happiness will stop you ever being sad?”

When she was still quiet, he pushed further. “You’ve had more darkness in your life than anyone should, but here’s an opportunity to add a bit of light to those shadows, are you really going to say no?”

She opened her mouth to answer but this time didn’t have the opportunity as Vision phased through the wall, pausing when he saw he’d caught the pair deep in conversation.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said quickly, but Cap was standing up, taking the empty soup bowl with him.

“It’s ok, I was just leaving.”

Vision pressed his hands together as he walked around her bed hesitantly, keeping his distance. “I wanted to check in on you before bed, are you feeling better?”

“Much better,” Wanda said, but she still felt a little feverish and like she might need to sleep for a week.

“I am glad to hear that,” he murmured, rubbing at the back of his neck, “if you need anything in the night I’m just down the hall.”

“Can’t you stay?” Wanda blurted out before she could lose her nerve again. “Please?”

“If that would help,” Vision replied, and Wanda swore he turned away to hide a smile. When he looked back at her she patted the bed, gesturing for him to join her.

He was careful not to jostle her as he laid down, and Wanda openly admired his grace even as he shyly avoided her gaze.

“I admit I probably wouldn’t have slept tonight; I’d just keep coming in to check your temperature,” Vision conceded as he lay his head against the pillow and Wanda turned to face him. Then, more hesitantly, “Please don’t push me away without warning again.”

“I promise,” she replied without hesitation. “Perhaps I wasn’t sick because of the rain, maybe it was more complicated, like my heart giving up a little when I stubbornly tried not to listen to it.”

Vision chuckled. “I think the rain definitely didn’t help, but your heart makes a good point.”

Wanda smiled tugging the pillow further under her head and placing a hand under her cheek. She scrunched her nose at Vision, unable to stop smiling and extended her hand in invitation. He accepted, bringing one of his own hands up and intertwining their fingers, kissing the back of her hand tenderly.

“And have you decided to listen to your heart?” He murmured, kissing her hand to punctuate the question.

“I have a very stubborn heart,” she relented, “I couldn’t ignore it even if I tried.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Vision said smiling at her and shuffling closer.

Wanda pushed back against his chest and Vision immediately halted. “Wait.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You’ll get sick.”

Vision laughed. “Wanda, dear, I am a synthezoid, you couldn’t pass your illness onto me even if you wanted to.”

Wanda tilted her chin up at the challenge. “Well in that case.” She pulled him close and pressed her mouth to his as she’d wanted to hundreds of times. As though in celebration, the lights flickered out and the door slammed shut, submerging them in darkness that had Wanda laughing in embarrassment at her magic’s overreaction. Now cast in shadow, the only light was the soft glow of the mind stone atop Vision’s head, and the faint gleam of his eyes in the night. She used them as guidance to kiss him again, and again, and again. Finding no reason to stop until she felt him smile against her mouth, pulling back a little so that their noses were still brushing and the breath between them was shared. She was done with running from this, not quite sure how they had ever been able to hold themselves back from each other.

#wandavision #scarletvision #Wandavision fanfiction #wanda maximoff #scarletwitch #wanda x vision #concerned vision is a sweetheart #wanda feels too much #and fears too much lol #visionsofusfics

8 notes · View notes

snarkwrites · 4 years ago

Text

03 | gangsta, sweetpea

Notes:

Honestly, I do not know where I got the idea for this chapter beyond just.. Wanting to throw Sweetpea and Alyssa together in situations to see how it worked. I think it was cute? Probably not logical IRL, but this is fanfic. And some people just can’t deal with the smell of formaldehyde or dissections. Facts because I am one.. I think I might have gone a little overdramatic with some areas in how it played out, but I just decided to lean into it because it made things interesting.

Annnyway. another chapter absolutely noone asked for but I totally needed to write, apparently. Lmaooo.

Summary:

Opposites attract. But when they can’t fight that attraction any longer, will there be a comforting warmth, an inferno from the sparks, or a messy explosion?

Pairing:

Sweetpea x Andrews!OFC, Alyssa.

Warnings:

Angst. Slow burn. Eventual filth. Typical teenage drama. Embarassing situations. Boyfriends behaving like oblivious idiots. Pining. Language. Fighting / Violence. Going to go on a limb and say that this is kind of non canon compliant.

As far as this chapter goes.. The class did a dissection. But given the nature, I went as vague as possible in describing it. There’s mention of fainting and the fact that Alyssa wants to puke at one point, but beyond that, there’s really not much.

Other Parts:

[ one - two - soundtrack ]

Other Stuff:

[ faq - tag list doc ]

Tagging:

@brithedemonspawn

- if you wanna be tagged in this fic or in my riverdale writing tell me. I’ll happily add you to my tag list thing.

THREE.

I wasn’t expecting Toni to actually spare me a passing glance the next day, let alone look up from reapplying my makeup to find her standing behind me when I turned around after shutting my locker.

Reggie’s throat cleared and I felt him tense up almost immediately. I nudged him in the side, shaking my head “No” at him before he even got a chance to start.

But he went and did it anyway.

“What do you want?” Reggie spoke before I could.

I couldn’t resist the smirk that came when Toni flicked her eyes over him dismissively before deadpanning, “ I came to talk to Cherry. Not you. Pound sand.”

Reggie eyed me.

“I’ll catch up to you, Reg.”

He refused to budge and I felt my jaw clenching.

“I’m not leavin you by yourself. Not after what happened with the Ghoulie in the hall yesterday.” Reggie folded his arms over his chest. Speaking up with a calm smirk. “Whatever you gotta say to princess, you can say to me too.”

Toni studied him, unimpressed. “Where was this energy when a Serpent handled that Ghoulie you speak of, hm? Now you wanna play the protective boyfriend?”

I tensed a little, shooting her a pleading glance. She eyed me a second or two but luckily, she let the issue drop.

We started to walk towards the direction of our classrooms, talking about music and bands we’d seen live, basically continuing our conversation from the afternoon before when we’d been lounging on the bank down by the quarry.

“Hey, we’re gonna go hang out by the quarry this afternoon if you wanna come with again.” Toni slipped it in just as we got to the door of Biology. Reggie tensed even more, his gaze settling on me as if to ask what she meant by again.

I honestly didn’t give it a second thought, smiling and nodding, a lazy shrug. “Yeah. I mean the Vixens aren’t practicing and pretty much done all the stuff around my dad’s. Hey, remind me around lunch and I’ll go by my dad’s after school and grab that mix tape.”

“Definitely. I’ll see you later.” Toni smiled at me and gave Reggie a dismissive eye roll and as she walked away, Reggie spoke up. Calm and firm.

“Absolutely not. Are you out of your mind, babe? They’re in a gang. Is that where you were when you blew off school and practice yesterday afternoon? I thought you were at home. That prick Sweetpea wasn’t with you… Right?”

Reggie looked far less cocky when his eyes met mine. Almost as if he felt threatened by my choice to branch out. Stop losing myself in this person I was becoming. I’d talked to Archie the night before and Archie had basically told me that he’d been able to tell something was bothering me for weeks now, since even before Reggie and I became a thing. He thought I was homesick.

I’d explained to him how I’d been feeling out of place. Like an imposter because everyone in Riverdale either only knew the me I’d been presenting since I moved back, or remembered me as his younger sister only and that it bugged me because I wasn’t the same person they remembered or were expecting.

He basically told me that as long as being myself didn’t mean sneaking off to frat parties and older boyfriends or anything dangerous, if it made me happier, I should try just being myself more. He seemed to think that I might be surprised by how people reacted to it and sadly, from the looks of it, my own boyfriend was not going to be one of those who welcomed any sign of change.

,, because when you’re truly being yourself, you know he’d never be able to control you, let alone begin to be able to keep up with you. The balance of power is off now and he’s insecure.”

It worried me, more than I cared to admit.

I didn’t want anything to come between us. I didn’t want to fight with him all the time like we’d been doing lately. I just wanted to enjoy being his girlfriend.

“What if I was, huh? They’re normal. You talk like they’re all hardened criminals or something.”

“What’s this like.. A random act of charity?” Reggie eyed me, searching my face for any hint of an answer.

,, maybe the random act of charity is the time I’ve been spending pretending to be someone I’m clearly not.” the thought came but I stopped myself from giving voice to it. I sighed and shook my head, disappointed that Reggie was having such a hard time grasping the fact that I could be friends with whoever I wanted… Not excluding Toni Topaz.

Because we’d just kind of clicked. And I actually wanted to be friends with her.

“Reggie, if you really care about me, you’ll lay off this.” I said it as patiently as I could.

“It’s because I care about you, princess, that’s exactly what I’m not gonna do. They’re dangerous. Half of ‘em have a rap sheet as long as this hallway! What if they do somethin and you happen to be out with them, huh? How are you gonna explain that you were just there and not taking part?”

“Do you have to die on this hill?” I asked, giving him a pleading look.

The last thing I wanted right now was yet another argument with him. But the way he kept assuming he knew me like the back of his hand was starting to get exhausting. I wasn’t that same shy sweet little pushover I’d been when we were kids. I mean, I was still the same girl who hid with him in a tunnel on the playground and split a Hostess cupcake when his father came to collect him and happened to see him mess up a pass while just playing a casual game of toss the football with my brother and the other boys and started to yell and cut him down in front of everyone… I was still her, but I was also different... In so many ways.

“I’m willing to, yeah. Why’s this matter so much?” Reggie studied me intently.

I swallowed hard and took a deep breath or two to calm myself down. “It matters because I’m not the girl you think I am, okay? You’ve had this image of me built up in your head since I moved back and I’m sorry to say it, I’m not her anymore. I’m not the quiet little kid who used to hide behind my brother or tag along with you guys to play in the park like a lost puppy.”

“You’re not a Serpent, either, princess.” Reggie explained, a coaxing tone as he raised a hand, resting it against my cheek. “That’s one thing I like about you, okay? You were always the one to take in the strays. All I’m saying is there’s a time and a place for that and now is not the time. They don’t like us any more than we like them.”

“Don’t lump me in with the rest of you.” I glared up at him. “ As far as your earlier question as to whether this is a random act of charity, no. It’s actually not. I enjoyed talking to Toni yesterday.”

Reggie’s brows raised. “Why?”

I shrugged. “We have a lot in common.”

“Yeah, not likely.”

I took a deep breath. Trying to stay patient. Trying not to push this conversation even further into argument territory.

Because I knew that despite the way it felt, Reggie was only doing this because he cared. He didn’t really have any ill intent. He was merely being overprotective. Probably to make up for the rough time we’ve had being on the same page for nearly three weeks now.

Because I’d be lying to myself if I tried to pin all our fighting lately on the fact that Sweetpea was my Biology partner and Reggie was jealous because this started before that. I’d put it off to tension then, but maybe it was just me, starting to realize that no matter how hard I tried, things just weren’t working.

Before that thought could rear it’s ugly head again, I shoved it back down.

We walked into class and I sat down in my seat. Drumming my pencil against the desktop.

From beside me, Sweetpea spoke up. I didn’t have to be looking at him to know he was smirking when he made the remark, either. “Trouble in paradise, cherry?”

“Sweetpea, not today.” I muttered quietly, fixing my gaze intently on the open text book between us. The teacher rolled in the specimens we were supposed to dissect and my stomach rolled as the scent of formaldehyde filled the air.

I could feel my breakfast creeping back up my throat slowly. I took a deep breath.

That was probably the first way I fucked up.

As soon as we got our specimen, I grimaced. Gingerly picking up the scalpel. I could feel myself getting paler in the face by the second. Sweetpea grabbed the scalpel from me and eyed me with a brow raised. Pointing away from us. “If you’re gonna hurl, do it towards that side. Not into vomit on my leather.”

“I’m fine.”

Except, oh no. No I was not fine.

And the scent of formaldehyde was so thick in the air that I honestly felt a little dizzy…

XXX

She almost looked green.

Sweetpea shot a glance back towards the back of the classroom where Mandy and Reggie were absorbed in their conversation… More to the point, Reggie was so caught up in Mandy pouring on the dramatics that he hadn’t spared a single glance towards his actual girlfriend. The thought had Sweetpea’s jaw clenching tight. Alyssa’s hands shook as she picked up the scalpel.

“Give me that.” Sweetpea reached out, taking the scalpel. Because shaking hands and a sharp object in their grasp was never a good idea. He’d been around enough to know that if the person with the knife had a shaky hand, more often than not, things tended to get messy.

,, right and this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that even the thought of her injured kind of makes you physically ill lately. You did move that entire fight between the team and your boys to a vacant lot because you weren’t willing to risk her rushing out to try and stop it and getting hurt by somebody...” his mind taunted him, but he shoved the thought right out of his head. And then more thoughts came.

Like a replay of the argument he’d caught the tail end of between Alyssa and Reggie as he shoved past them to take his own seat. The way she actually didn’t fold under the pressure of Reggie’s argument, but stood her ground instead. Admitting that she enjoyed talking to Toni and she wasn’t going to stop just because it made Reggie Mantle uncomfortable.

Maybe he’d written her off a little too quickly.

He made the first cut in the specimen sitting between them and he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Luckily he happened to, because he saw her swaying a little right as the color drained from her face completely and she started to slump just a little. He grabbed her up quickly and shoved through the aisle, pushing open the door of the classroom to step out into the hallway, completely ignoring the threat of yet another detention from their Biology teacher.

“Did you not see her about to pass out?” Sweetpea snapped as he peered back in the door of the classroom. Their teacher stepped out into the hallway, giving him a firm warning look as he pointed to the classroom and Sweetpea clenched his fist, grumbling. Lingering for a few seconds before the teacher spoke up in a crisp tone, “Inside now. Unless you enjoy a month of Saturday detention.” before turning attention back to Alyssa, trying to make sure she was alright.

Alyssa met his gaze over the teacher’s shoulder, flashing him a weak smile, giving him a pleading look as the teacher warned him a third time to go back into class. “Sweetpea just go, I’m fine. I’ll be back inside soon.”

Sweetpea eyed her a second or two and finally stepped into the classroom, shutting the door behind him. Turning to find himself body to body with an angry Reggie Mantle. Glaring at him.

“I know you didn’t touch my girl, Serpent.”

“Would you rather me touch her or have her crack her head on the floor, dog?” Sweetpea stood taller, cracking his knuckles. Nodding to Reggie’s lab partner, who was grumbling and pouting, rolling her eyes because all the attention had been taken off her. Sweetpea stepped closer, smirking at Reggie, “Mad because you weren’t paying attention and another guy picked up your slack, asshole?”

Reggie went to shove him but the teacher’s throat cleared from behind the two, putting an end to the confrontation.

“This isn’t over, Serpent.”

“ I can do this all year, Bulldog. Just gives me the joy of kicking your ass over and over.”

“Enough you two!” the teacher yelled, silencing both males. “You two can settle whatever this is off of school grounds. In your own time. Understood?”

Sweetpea smirked, rolling his shoulders. “Gladly.” he muttered as he stormed over to his seat.

Alyssa made her way back in and over to the seat beside him, not looking at anyone in the room instead, burying herself in the text. Letting Sweetpea make the cuts as she pointed out the parts of their specimen’s anatomy they had to label and show.

XXX

“Are you okay, princess?”

“I’m fine, Reggie. For the thousandth time. I guess the smell of formaldehyde got to me. It happened at my old school once in eighth grade. I’m just embarrassed.” I answered. The scent was still stuck in my nose. It drifted through the entire hallway.

I knew I should’ve gotten my dad to write me a note so I could go and sit with the other students who’d chosen to opt out. It slipped my mind.

From across the table, Mandy spoke up. “ What was worse? That freak putting his hands on you or almost fainting in front of everybody?” with a smirk as she gazed at me.

Reggie tensed and I gave Mandy a dirty look. “Almost fainting in front of everybody. Hands down. Can we not call him a freak? He’s not in a side show. And he’s not any different than the rest of us.”

“He’s from South Side. Of course he’s different.” Mandy looked at me as if I’d grown two additional heads. I rolled my eyes and went quiet.

Irritated by her remarks.

Irritated by her in general.

Reggie cleared his throat, taking a bite of his burger. Nodding to mine. Coaxing me to eat. I shook my head, glancing at the burger in disgust. “I’m good.”

“You need food, princess.”

“If the drama queen doesn’t want to eat, Reggie, don’t make her. She could stand to lose a few pounds anyway.”

I tensed. Under the table, my fists clenched. Since I moved back to Riverdale, Mandy’s had it in for me. And she doesn’t bother hiding it.

And I was sick of playing nice. Looking stupid when I know what she’s about.

It wouldn’t have flown in my old school, why was I letting it fly here?

Was it really worth it to just come off like a doormat? I was really questioning my logic on that front a lot lately, it seemed.

I smirked at her and bit my lip. The smirk was replaced with a smile as I spoke up. “In that case, maybe you should skip the ice cream. Since we’re talking about losing a few pounds here. Just trying to help.”

Mandy’s jaw dropped and I shrugged, going back to my cell phone to scroll my Snapchat. Checking the stories of my old friends from my school in Chicago. Responding to a few snaps they’d sent me.

“ Mandy you’re so fuckin rude.” Reggie spoke up, surprising me. I kept my gaze fixed on my phone and Mandy shrugged as if his criticism rolled right off her. “I was just trying to be helpful.”

“You were being a bitch.” Reggie grumbled, fixing his eyes on me. He leaned in and asked quietly, “You wanna get outta here?”

I eyed him, biting my lip. Something told me if I hadn’t had my little incident in the lab, Reggie wouldn’t be trying so hard right now.

,, maybe that’s not true, you don’t know that..” my mind argued.

“It’s okay. I don’t like her enough to give a shit if I’m being honest.” I muttered, making Reggie chuckle quietly and smirk at me. “That’s my girl. It’ll be okay. People are totally gonna forget by last period, you’ll see.”

“It is what it is.” I shrugged, eager for the conversation to switch topics.

XXX

Toni caught up to Alyssa in the hallway, tapping her shoulder. Alyssa turned around, smiling. For a second or two, Toni thought she’d beg off. Change her plans under pressure. She rolled her eyes at Reggie when their gazes met. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah! Just give me a second.”

Reggie’s facial expression told the tale. He was not even remotely happy with being stood up.

“Babe, you were gonna watch me practice.. Remember?” Reggie butted in, pouting at her. reaching out to pull her close to him. Alyssa hugged him and gazed up at him, biting her lip, a patient look on her face.

Toni watched their interactions with amusement. The panic was plain to see on Reggie’s face. She found herself scowling at him. The guy was a fuckboy. For the life of her, she hoped for Alyssa’s sake the whole interest in him was just a phase because guys like that only hurt people...

“Reggie, I can watch you tomorrow. It’s just one afternoon.” Alyssa held firm, surprising Toni. Maybe she hadn’t been wrong to trust her gut like Sweetpea and Fangs insisted she was going to be proven to be.

After a whispered exchange of heated words, Alyssa jogged over, grumbling and rolling her eyes at the whole thing. Smiling at her. “Hey, if you want, we can stop by my dad’s together. Oh and the construction site. I usually take him a snack when I get in.”

“Aww, that’s cute.” Toni gave her a gentle but teasing smile, nodding. “Let’s go.”

They took off, falling back into conversation. Losing track of everything else.

After stopping by Alyssa’s to pick up the food for her dad and the mix tape she’d promised to lend Toni, they found themselves wandering around. Flopping on the grass at the park, watching the clouds roll overhead.

“ What made you join the Vixens anyway?”

“Cheryl strongarmed me into it. They needed a gymnast. I used to hate the cheerleaders at my old school.”

“ You’re the only halfway cool Vixen I’ve met so far.” Toni admitted, shrugging.

Alyssa stood, holding out her hand. Pulling Toni off the grass. “Let’s do something.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. What is there to actually do in Riverdale if we’re being honest?” Alyssa joked, making them share a laugh.

“Oh.. Oh.. no, you’d probably hate that idea.”

“No, what?”

“There’s a Mortal Kombat machine in the Wyrm…”

“Pretty sure Fangs and Sweetpea would be thrilled about me showing up there.” Alyssa mulled it over before smirking a little. “Okay, let’s go. It beats absolutely not shit to do here.”

“Don’t let them get to you. They’ll be assholes until they warm up to you.”

“Sweetpea confuses me? Like.. I know he’s being a jerk over half the time, then he does something like he did in Biology this morning and I don’t know what to think.. Anyway, I need to just not worry about it either way.” Alyssa tried to dismiss it, but Toni smirked to herself.

Determined not to just let her dismiss it.

Because any idiot could see what was going on.

Or she could, at least.

“No, what do you mean?”

“You know what I mean… Sometimes I feel like.. I don’t know… Like he’s trying too hard to be an asshole?”

“Oh no, he’s an asshole. Mega grouch. But you’re right. He does have his moments.” Toni kept things vague enough that she wasn’t putting her best friend Pea in any compromising positions, but she hoped that she said enough to get Alyssa really thinking.

It wasn’t like they were close enough friends just yet that Toni could go and tell her that she just needed to open her eyes. Pick a better boyfriend, because Reggie Mantle only liked the idea of her. Or the her that he’d known years ago from what she’d been hearing around school.

,, not to mention there’s the whole conversation you happened to overhear about there being a bet between Reggie and some Chuck asshole about getting in her pants..” the thought came but Toni shoved it down. Because how did you go about telling someone something like that?

Especially when you really didn’t know them well at all.

She didn’t want to lose a friend she was only just getting to know yet. She just needed to come up with a way to break it to Alyssa so that Alyssa understood. And wasn’t hurt or embarrassed or angry. So that Alyssa believed her.

Because she was disgusted with the fact that the guy had done that in the first place. The fact that she’d had the misfortune of overhearing only made things worse...

#sweetpea fanfiction #sweetpea fanfic #sweetpea fic #sweetpea imagine #sweetpea imagines #my writing ; sweetpea #my fanfiction ; sweetpea #my fics ; sweetpea #// season 2 reggie sucked... but i'm trying to soften him just a little bit #// angst ahead #// embarassing situations ahead

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geniuslab · 4 years ago

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Everything Goes

→ Pairing: Namjoon x reader

→ Genre: Drabble

→ Word Count: 1.5K

→ Summary: A kind stranger joins you on a bench next to the river and shares a sandwich with you.

→ Content Warning: This fic touches on depressive and intrusive thoughts. It is in no way meant to glorify mental illness, but rather be a realistic portrayal of someone suffering from it. Please do not read this if you think there’s even a slight chance this could trigger you. But if you do read this, I hope it can give you a little bit of peace. BTS’ music has always been my place of solace, and mono holds a very special place in my heart. In a way, this is my love letter to it.

The waves lapping against the shore matched up with your breaths, in and out, in and out. It looked like it was going to rain, the dark clouds in the distance mocking your decision that morning not to bring an umbrella with you. Maybe you would melt with the rain into the bench you were sitting on and become a landmark next to the river forever.

This wasn’t the first time you’d spent your morning sitting next to the Han river; it had actually become part of your routine ever since you’d graduated university and had gotten your office job. The sound of the water overlapping itself, always flowing with no permanent destination, was calming to you. Every morning, you’d jab at your phone in the dark until your alarm turned off. With bleary eyes, you’d get dressed for work and grab your bag, debating whether you should risk getting some extra moments of sleep while on the bus. Your fatigue never really went away until you’d see the river, and even then you still always curled up on a bench like a cat about to take a nap.

Today you had your legs crossed beneath you in an almost meditative pose. The earbuds in your ears played no music, but were a great decoy if someone were to try to speak to you.

It’s not that you didn’t like talking to people, although these days your laughs and smiles seemed to be forced more than anything. But each morning, on whatever bench you could snag for your own, you would carve out your own little space next to the river where it was just for you. And in this space, you let your mind wander. It was your allowed time to think all the thoughts you’d push off during the day, a sort of mental purge in the morning before you had to shake everything off and go to work.

Sometimes, you had so many thoughts that they seemed to fight each other like a crowd of people trying to leave a venue all at the same time. Everything would cram so close together and bottleneck at the doors of your mind until a single thought would pop out. They weren’t nice thoughts when you had them. But you’d let the waves of the river guide your breathing, a slow rhythm to focus on while pandemonium reigned in your head.

Other times, you had no thoughts at all. It was as if the doors were locked completely, the hum of the crowd buzzing behind them. You didn’t have the key, so they’d just have to stay. Restless, pushing against the doors, a pressure that would only continue to build. Would the doors break under all of that weight?

Today was one of those days. You dug your nails into your the palms of your hands, waiting for the bite from the shallow cuts. The sound behind those doors was getting louder and harder to ignore. Maybe you should put some music on, if only to drown them out.

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

You looked up at the voice and blinked. It had come from a man about your age, and he was looking down at you with his eyebrows raised. He noticed the earbuds in your ears and drew in a breath, and started gesturing toward the bench. You tugged the earbuds out and felt your cheeks heat up a little.

“There’s no music. I could hear you, I was just surprised.” You waved your hand toward the empty spot next to you. “You can sit there if you want,” you said, and inched a little over to the side. The bench was plenty big, but as with any stranger, you gave him some distance.

“Thanks.” His smile was so bright, you thought the rain clouds would evaporate. You couldn’t explain it, but he reminded you of a hot cup of tea brewed by your grandmother. Perhaps it was all of the warm, earthy tones and textures he was wearing, his big cozy sweater and brown coat making him look like the human embodiment of a teddy bear. Maybe it was his deep dimples and his soft eyes. Or maybe it was the way he almost dropped his bag when he pulled it over his head, a small exclamation slipping out of his mouth before he caught it.

But no, you thought, it wasn’t just those things; anyone could have any number of those traits, but they didn’t give off the energy this man did. It was almost as if the air around him worked differently, like he had a bubble around him that emanated...something peaceful. Like a warm hug.

You cleared your throat and scratched your head, turning back to the river. Thankfully, your bench partner didn’t seem to notice that you’d been pondering about him. He’d been busy rifling through his bag in search of something. You questioned what could possibly be left in it now that nearly all of its contents were littered on the sidewalk in front of him.

“Got it,” he said triumphantly, and waved something in the air before setting it down between the two of you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw it was a wrapped sub sandwich. But you wouldn’t have even needed to look to know what it was, since the smell of fresh baked bread started wafting over to you. Of course this teddy bear stranger would smell like a warm baguette, you sighed inwardly.

He bent down to put everything else back in his bag, so you didn’t notice at first that he was talking to you.

“ —know I just met you, but they messed up my order and accidentally made me a sandwich on a whole loaf instead of just half. I’ll just end up throwing away the other half, so would you wanna split it with me? It’s just veggies.”

You turned to look at the stranger, your eyes wide. The sub was wrapped up with a sticker sealing it, but somehow the smell was only getting stronger.

“I’m not really hungry,” you mumbled, but your stomach growled in betrayal. The stranger lifted his eyebrow.

“I promise I didn’t do anything to it,” he said. “But if you don’t want it that’s okay.”

You shook your head but held your hand out. “I could use some food,” you confessed. You’d left the house without even grabbing a snack. For some reason, when the noise in your head got so loud, you clung to the sharpness of hunger to quiet the sound. But, you had to admit to yourself, that only went so far. In the end, the noise wouldn’t stop and you would just be hungry, tired, and with no energy whatsoever. In fact, it only helped the noise get louder.

The stranger smiled and ripped the paper down the middle, handing over half of the sandwich for you to take. You hadn’t realized just how cold you were until you felt the warmth of the sandwich in your hands. Your cheeks heated up again as you practically cradled it in your arms, savoring the warmth.

“I’m Namjoon, by the way.”

And so, teddy bear man finally had a name.

You took a bite of the sub before responding with your name. Namjoon repeated it back to you, as if he needed to try it out himself. He smiled and nodded. “I like your name.”

“Thanks,” you replied sheepishly. “I like yours too.”

The two of you sat in silence for a bit, eating while looking out at the river. Normally the silence next to someone would’ve felt pressing, as if you needed to fill it with something. Meaningless words, small talk, fake smiles and forced laughter. But next to Namjoon, you didn’t feel that pressure at all.

As you ate, you watched the waves ebb back and forth. Your thoughts dripped out like a leaky faucet, slowly and peacefully pooling until they got heavy enough to drop. This time, they weren’t mean. Just things you noticed around you.

The birds flying over the river, their wings spread out and soaring.

Drip.

A toddler running past, giggling and pointing at the birds above; their mother running behind them with an exhausted but happy smile on her face.

Drip.

Thunder rumbling softly in the distance, wind stirring your hair.

Drip.

The noise in your head quieted. The weight on the doors let up, the pressure easing.

“It looks like a storm is coming,” Namjoon remarked when he finished his sandwich, balling up the wrapper in his hand. You’d finished yours as well, and he grabbed both wrappers and tossed them into the trash next to him.

“Yeah, it does,” you replied, your voice only above a whisper.

Namjoon put the strap of his bag over his head and smiled at you. “But everything goes, right?”

You nodded and smiled back at him. Your cheeks were wet.

“I’ve gotta head out now, thanks for letting me share your bench.” He gave you a wave and started to walk off. His coat fluttered in the wind like wings.

“Thank you, Namjoon,” you called out.

He turned around and bowed his head with a smile. “See you around!”

You nodded and waved, and then pressed your back into the bench and looked out at the Han river. The thunder echoed louder, a low rumble that seemed to wrap itself around you comfortingly.

“Everything goes,” you whispered. A rain drop fell on your arm and snaked its way down.

You grabbed your bag and headed off to work, your steps much lighter than they had been before.

...

A/N: If you somehow haven’t listened to Namjoon’s UN speech, or if it’s been a while since you last did, please check it out here: [x]

Listen to mono: [x]

There are people to talk to if the noise gets too loud: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I love you and BTS loves you. Thanks for reading.

#bts fic #namjoon fic #armiesnet #networkbangtan #mono #my fic #namjoon and bts have saved my life over and over again #i needed to write this for myself and i figured i'd share it #in case it somehow helps someone else #regardless this is my way of expressing how namjoon & bts have helped me #thank you thank you thank you #today was hard but this helped #gonna go eat some lemon cake and watch run bts now #this too shall pass #goodnight

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gogo-karasuno · 4 years ago

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Haikyuu Self-Ship Meme

I was tagged by: @haikyuudreaming

Tagging: @samwrights @bokutokoutarou @queenktbigal @pinkieperil @iwaixiumi Sorry if I’ve tagged someone who has been tagged before.

Rules: Ship yourself with your favorite character and give headcanons on how your relationship would go.

Notes: I’m an overly complicated, dramatic bitch so there’s like some build up here. Y’all getting some character set up and my personal headcanon for various characters too. This is about being Self-Indulgent and damn am I here to Indulge.

--- ---

Tsukishima x Tadashi x Gogo: TsukkiYamaGo

- The Basic Background: I’m a first year student at Karasuno and from Kitagawa First along with Nozomi Watabe, the Girl’s Team Libero. We’ve been friends for so long we kind of function as the same person sometimes. Since we’ve also been playing volleyball for just as long it makes us Something on the court. Because we went to Kita we’ve possibly had classes with Kageyama, Kindachi, and Kunimi. My personality has things in common with Kunimi so I imagine were were friends and this brought Kindachi into my friends group. Since I’m a Setter (for the pout, perceptiveness, strategy, and tendency to enjoy pulling the string) I did totally did some pick up games with Kindachi and Kunimi because sometimes a person just wants to get a toss they can hit. Nozomi and I both knew were were walking into Something for the Karasuno Girls Team but we still made that call.

- Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and I are all in the same class first year. Because I selected the college prep course I knew I wouldn’t share classes with Nozomi but it is still a total bummer. I’m at a new school, kind of introverted, and sort of on my own in class because she’s not there. This should, in theory, make me pay attention in class but it absolutely does nothing of the sort.

- If I reached out to someone first it would be Tadashi. One of those “Introverts Unite” kinds of things because maybe we can at least Exist near each other. I was used as the person to split up talkative kids in school and here is no different.

- Tsukishima and I do that thing that cats do where they circle each other while deciding if they want to coexist or slap each other. We’re both sarcastic piles of salts so we’ve got to figure out how that is going to meld together. I’m also delightfully bitch on top of this and am always ready to throw down at a moment's notice. If anything, we probably get along too well while shittalking other people.

- Before the Saturday First Year’s Game for the Guys I find out they play volleyball. There’s some actual apologizing because wow they have the King of the Court. Between my own irritation at Kageyama for being so Kingly (Part of being the Control Tower is Communication) and hearing even more details from Kindachi and Kunimi...I’m just so unhappy. This school doesn’t have an Oikawa to carry through the year either.

- I hide behind Yams a lot in class so the teacher forgets I exist with how quiet I am. If I could change it up to sit behind Tsukishima I would. After meeting the Girl’s Team, my free, and not so free moments, become trying to figure out how to make this team workable? There has to be something to do with what we have to be better.

- A lot of our original Just Us interactions outside of school tend to involve notes and homework. Sometimes I miss things in class or I need extra explanation for math so Yamaguchi helps me. Tsukishima, having nothing better to do, tends to show up with him to snark while helping. However, I won’t study with them because I’m very much a solitary studying kind of person.

- Eventually we start hanging out more and more without homework or class as the excuse. Sometimes it is the three of us watching movies, listening to movies, or just kind of moving around town. Other times, Yamaguchi and I throw a volleyball around while talking with Tsukishima sitting nearby and doing his own thing. Volleyball takes front and center more after Interhigh. The girl's team did way better but they lost out in the end. So, I double down practicing with the team and on my own. This carries over to a lot of practices with those two and occasionally Nozomi. I have a strong belief that everyone should be rock solid at receiving and as someone with a pretty great serve I openly admit to targeting Middle Blockers. It is something I really encourage Tadashi to learn because "A pinch-serving, Middle Blocker screams 'Target me!' if they need a person to spike at."

- A big note from Interhigh, though, is the guys actually saw me cry for the first time. I'm so frustrated at working so hard and still losing that it turns into angry, frustrated tears rolling down my cheeks. Nozomi and I are both just seething at losing to Niiyama because we were hellbent that this would be the time we went to Nationals. The past three years was playing second fiddle to Shiratorizawa Junior and now we've got Niiyama standing in our way.

- The first thing that should be a Clue about what is building up is very much the first time I slip up and call Tsukishima "Tsukki". I'm perceptive enough to have noticed that it is very much a Yamaguchi for Tsukishima Nickname and not a "For everyone" Nickname. I go to apologize for my slipup. However, I actually get that it is okay. Tsukishima admits he doesn't mind hearing that name from me. Should be pointed out that I turn fucking scarlet because I blush at any major emotion. Yamaguchi also isn't annoyed at me using that nickname.

- I can also see Yams and I falling into a habit of being touchy with each other. When given the chance we sit close together we just do. We aren't exactly touch starved but there is something so reassuring to both of us. It goes from slight brushes to being draped around each other more or less. Sometimes Tsukishima is slightly pulled into things. We'll lean against him while animatedly talking in front of him or just watching something.

- These should be like Giant Obvious Hints that we are all clearly getting to be more than friends. It goes directly over the top of my head. Honestly, all three of us missing such hints feels like an ongoing theme for the three of us. For a perceptive trio of people we really are not picking up each other's hints.

- At some point I admit that they are like Nozomi to me in that they are don't count as "People". I'm very introverted by nature so there are very few people who don't drain me. It is a huge thing when someone doesn't tire me out let along finding two people who don't tire me out at the same time is gold.

- Since I'm a storyteller by nature I start to let it slip to them that I enjoy writing a lot and even want to make a possible podcast telling stories. Tsukki teases me because that is just how Tsukki communicates with people. But, I also see him sending me links later that night for microphones and headphones that would be great to start with. Yams is like 500% supportive from the get go. I tease them about how they should join me. We can all banter together, especially when Tsukki and I riff off each other so well.

- Summer is training for all of us and our time spent together is honestly trying to speed through summer homework. Sometimes it becomes more talking to each other over video calls or text than truly getting to see each other. I do make it a point to ask Yams about learning the Jump Float. I've got a regular jump serve but I need something extra for the next time I see Niiyama. I also Tsukki about blocking. Even if my team as a whole depends more on receiving than straight blocking there has to be something I can do.

- Sometimes before this I feel like it comes out that I have a couple of Mental Illnesses (and I headcanon as Yams having Anxiety and Depression as well) so like sometimes we are just both coping together. I also have a very poor reaction to "Fight or Flight" because I literally turned it into "Fight or Fight". It means I jump straight to arguing or spinning on my heel while swinging. Also, tears. I could see Tsukki originally being an ass about it until it quickly sinks in that this is actually a very serious thing. I could see both of them getting kind of protective over me because of these and I'm just as protective over them.

- Us actually getting together probably comes in the Exhilaration of both of us getting to go to the Spring Tournament to Represent Miyagi. There is something about doing the Impossible on top of Pure Exhaustion that just drops all sense of filters. It kind of comes out that hey we all kind of like each other as more than friends probably during a like 2am video call that night. Tsukki acts like he totally knew what was going on the entire time and was waiting on us to catch up. I admit I thought I was just misreading things a lot. Yamaguchi is probably the most together and we realize this is a thing. How do three people date? Well, that's something we're going to figure out.

- A lot of our dates are probably to museums or to the planetarium with cute cafe visits after. Tsukki's love of sweets, and mine too, mean we've been to a lot of cafes together. It is just like one of our Things.

- I am a caffeine fiend so sometimes I bring everyone coffee or one of them surprises us. Kei Tsukishima is weak for super sugary Starbucks style drinks and nothing will change my mind. Yamaguchi teases us about how much we love them. But, I will also drink coffee with two creams if it is good coffee.

- Tsukki blames Tadashi and I for the "Lame" Hobbies he picks up. My phone games expand to include the two of them so I have partners for things. Tsukki is fond of the quiz and stratgey games so we kind of get way too competative. Tadashi already pulled him into playing Pokemon but I double that need to actually play. Tsukki teases me, and to a lesser degree Tadashi, for reading fanfiction until a series he loved ended poorly. Guess who got really into Fix-It fics after that?

- I bitch and moan to Tsukki about “Playing volleyball with glasses *sucks* like. We get such ugly goggles to keep from shattering glasses.”

- Tadashi, and Tsukki who would die before saying it, thinks it is so cute when I argue up at him. I have to fully tilt my head back to make eye contact but that has never stopped me. In fact, Tsukki is a total dick about me being way, way shorter than him. Honestly, I look like an angry Porg when I argue with him. That being said, at concerts he works to get us seats where I can see.

- Yams has a picture of Tsukki and I flipping him off when he told us we look "Cute" with our sports goggles when playing. Even if we both found "cool" designs we still don't like them. But, we're also both smart enough to know that taking a volleyball to the face can crack contacts.

- I told Nozomi about us but we otherwise were just like, "People can find out when they find out." and that's going to take a while. None of us are okay with PDA beyond like hugs or handholding. It's also not something out of the ordinary with Yams and I by this point. Yeah, I'm prickly about being touched unless asked but I'm also pretty touch oriented when I've given someone the go ahead. I also get lost easily, especially when paying more attention to my phone, or get super anxious in crowds and touch calms me down.

- Akiteru nearly cried when he realized Tsukki had two partners. He cried when he realized Tsukki finally got along with a team and made a friend beyond Tadashi. Him dating Tadashi wasn't unexpected but the fact they're both dating me just causes him to have pride at coming out of shell to date people.

- Tadashi and I are flavors of nonbinary so we totally trades clothes with each other that fits sometimes. I love his hoodies and he gets my skirts or dresses sometimes. Makeup is a little out of my league beyond the basics but I could see him taking to way easier. I paint his nails a lot and introduce him to the base and top coats. I also totally braid his hair and put cute clips in it. We trade body sprays too. Tsukki glares at people who think of saying things to us.

#gogo tagged #self-shipping meme #gogo things #lots of my own headcanons #i'm poly bi and nonbinary #so i'm catering to me

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apharine · 4 years ago

Text

Sick Day

Chapter 1

Pairing: Raihan x Sofia (Brew’s OC)

Fandom: Pokemon

Rating: T

Read on AO3

My writing commission info! | Buy me a coffee!

Summary: When Sofia had been sick, Raihan was there for her. Now that he's under the weather, she's determined to look out for him.Except...why does he keep saying he loves her? Is he really that out of it? Or is there something more to his words?

Notes: This fic was commissioned by Brew and is posted with permission! Sofia is her OC and she has a WONDERFUL backstory and the most gorgeous design ever (Brew is an amazing artist!) and I ship her with Raihan so hard! This story can be read as pretty much a one-shot in itself even if you don't know Sofia though (but you should go check out her character because she's amazing). Also, this is meant to be a follow-up to a fic where Sofia is the one under the weather, and Raihan takes care of her. That fic is written by Usabuns and can be found here!

_____________________

With her health significantly restored, Sofia was unable to deny that she was excited about meeting Raihan at Yoshida Cafe. Try as she might to convince herself that their mutual plans weren’t anything special, she couldn’t help but wonder if it was going to be something a little…more. More than just their usual meetup, and more than just an opportunity to go through battle strategies together. She’d been a little out of it while she’d been sick, sure, but she felt, nonetheless, that there was something inexplicably different about things between her and Raihan. It was hard to put her finger on, though, and it nagged in the back of her mind all day while she went about her work duties at the Daycare.

Was it the fact that he’d carried her to her bed? Was it the way he’d been so kind and concerned for her?

No, Sofia thought, frowning to herself. Raihan was a good man and a good friend; his kindness hadn’t been anything out of the norm. Maybe she could just chalk it up to her imagination being a bit overactive.

Or maybe it was the way he’d said he’d stay the night if she asked, and the way she got a chill up her spine at the thought. Or the way he’d asked her to meet up at the Cafe shortly after.

“Hey, Zzzofia!” Her Rotom Phone called, breaking her out of her thoughts as it floated towards her. “You juzzt got four new texts!”

“Okay,” Sofia replied, not breaking from fiddling with a heat lamp that had been giving her grief all day. She’d had to completely empty the pen this lamp usually kept temperature-controlled of all eggs and baby Pokemon, which had made it a priority to fix for the afternoon. “Thanks for letting me know. But I’ve only got a couple hours to finish working on this, and I need it back online before I leave tonight, so I’ll read the texts after work.”

Her Rotom Phone, ever expressive, frowned and lingered closer to her at her words.

“It’zzz important,” it said in a voice bordering on a whine. “They’re from Raihan. Can you read it now? Quickly?”

Sofia’s eyebrows furrowed at this.

“Wait, do you read my texts? Like, before I do?”

“Well -” Rotom Phone started, but Sofia reached out one hand.

“Don’t answer that,” she decided as the Rotom Phone settled on her palm. “I don’t want to know.” Rotom Phone wisely didn’t respond, instead switching its screen to display Raihan’s text.

Raihan • 2:36 PM • Tuesday

hey, Sof, I’m sorry to have to do this, but I think I caught ur cold. I feel awful.

Raihan • 2:37 PM • Tuesday

can we take a rain check on that date at the cafe??

Raihan • 2:37 PM • Tuesday

Shit I’m txting u at work again aren’t I

Raihan • 2:37 PM • Tuesday <,b>

Sry

Sofia set down the heat lamp entirely for a moment.

“Ugh, I told him not to get too close to me or else he’d get sick!” She groaned, an odd wave of frustration, guilt, and pity washing over her. If he was faring as well as she had against this cold, well…he probably was feeling as awful as he said he was.

“He wazzz juzzt trying to help,” her Rotom Phone reminded her.

“Yeah, I know,” Sofia said, standing up and moving outside with her phone still in hand. She didn’t want to make any calls while she was still in the Daycare itself; stepping away would make it more apparent that she was just handling some business for a moment. “That’s why I feel so bad about it. Can you call Raihan for me?”

“You got it!” Rotom Phone chirped, and dialed his number. Raihan’s phone rang once, twice, then three times, and Sofia began to worry he won’t pick up, but finally, she heard a click, then a pause, and Raihan’s groggy voice came on the phone.

“Hey, Sof,” he said, sounding every bit as sick as she had imagined he was.

“Hey, back at you,” Sofia responded, every admonishment about how she’d tried to keep him from catching her illness immediately disappearing from her mind. “You sound awful.”

“I feel awful. There’s not a lot that can take down the great Dragon-Tamer, Raihan, but this is definitely giving me a run for my money,” he said with a weak laugh.

“I’m so sorry you caught this from me,” Sofia groaned.

“’Sokay. I wanted to make sure you were all right and taken care of,” Raihan responded easily.

Somehow, these simple words made Sofia’s stomach flip.

“I - I want to make sure you’re okay, too,” she said, shoving aside the nervousness she couldn’t help but feel as she said the words. “I’m going to catch a Corviknight Taxi and swing by your place after work, okay?”

“Aw, Sofia, you don’t have to do that -” Raihan started, but Sofia didn’t let him finish his sentence.

“Yeah, just like you didn’t have to come and get yourself sick from taking care of me,” she retorted, her mind already made up.

“What if you get sick from me?” Raihan mumbled. Sofia laughed out loud at this.

“I already had it,” she pointed out. “I’m going to be fine. All the more reason for me to be the one to make sure you’re doing okay and have everything you need.”

“You’ve made up your mind on this already, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” Sofia responded firmly. After a moment of pause, Raihan sighed.

“You’re…you’re just the best, do you know that? Really the greatest,” he mumbled, and though Sofia listened carefully for any sign of teasing, she didn’t hear any.

“I - well, um, thanks,” Sofia finally said. “You’re…the greatest too. Well, I’ve got to go hop back into work for a moment to try to get a heat lamp fixed before I leave, but try to go get some rest, okay? I’ll be by in a couple of hours.”

“Kay,” Raihan croaked back. “Thanks again, Sof. Love you.”

Sofia felt certain that she’d heard wrong for a split second, but when a moment of expectant pause passed, she realized she definitely had not.

“Uh - love you too,” she said, because what else do you say to a sick and feverish person (who you may or may not be interested in) who decided to say that first? “Bye,” she added, then took the Rotom Phone away from her ear, ending the call.

Immediately, her Roto-dex flew out of her pocket, circling around Rotom Phone in excitement.

“Did I juzzzt hear what I thought I heard?” Roto-dex asked, its eyes wide and sparkling.

“You did,” Rotom Phone said, doing a flip in mid-air.

“He zzaid he lovezzz you, Sofia!” Roto-dex declared, literally emitting sparks in excitement.

“He’s tired and out of it -” Sofia started, only to be cut off by Rotom Phone.

“You zzzaid it back! We both heard you!”

“What else am I supposed to say?” Sofia fumed, crossing her arms a little defensively.

“But you do, don’t you? You didn’t zzzay that to him just to zzzay it, right?” Roto-dex said, freezing in mid-air and looking at her with sad eyes. Rotom Phone paused, too, looking at her closely. Sofia chewed her bottom lip, realizing that the little Ghost Pokemon weren’t just teasing.

“No, I wasn’t just saying it to say it. At least, not entirely,” she admitted, looking away. “But…he doesn’t need to know that. He just needs to get better. Do you two understand?” She asked, frowning at her devices. After all the meddling they’d done while she had been sick, she didn’t need any more from the pair of well-meaning Pokemon.

“Cryzztal clear!” Rotom Phone chirped.

“You got it, bozz!” Roto-dex added.

“Good,” Sofia said, beginning to head back to the Daycare. She could hear the familiar whir of her devices as they follow in the air behind her, but it still took her by surprise when she heard one of them say,

“Zzzofia? We just want you to know…we really are happy for you. It might not be anything big yet, but…it’zz something, izzn’t it?”

“Maybe,” she replied with a shrug. “But thank you, I think.”

As she opened the door to the Daycare again, she wondered to herself when, exactly, her Rotoms became so interested in her relationship with Raihan.

#raihan #gym leader raihan #pokemon raihan #sofia oc #raifia #pokemon #pokemon swsh #fanfiction #commission #swsh #aph writes

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crystaljins · 5 years ago

Text

Take a chance. | 02

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 7.3K

Synopsis: You should have known the second your business partner asked you to plan his best friend’s wedding as a favour that it was going to be nothing but trouble. Especially when it turns out he’s in love with said best friend. And dying of a deadly disease because of it.

Hanahaki!au

Notes: The first three parts of this fic went through at least three different drafts. I changed the approach and character features so many times that this story isn’t even recognisable from the initial draft. But, once I added ma boi Kim Seokjin, this story finally hit a place that I felt I could happily write.

Warnings: Angst. Graphic depictions of vomiting. Mentions of illness and death.

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

“Thank you for meeting with me today.” The man says as he slides into his seat. He’s wearing dark sunglasses that obscure most of his face and a black bucket hat is pulled low over his brows. Perhaps he is trying to be inconspicuous, but the large trench coat and obvious attempt to conceal his identity just make him seem more suspicious. Not only that, the price tags hanging off his outfit clearly show that he’d only just bought them.

“What are you doing, Jin? Why’d you call me out here?” Seri hisses. She pauses to smile warmly at the waiter who hands her an ice latte topped with perhaps more whipped cream than is strictly necessary before turning back to her obnoxious co-worker. “Why are you dressed… like that?”

“So that I don’t attract attention to myself. Obviously.” Jin scolds. He leans forward to sniff suspiciously at his milkshake before reaching into a pocket in his trench coat and pulling out a large swirly straw. It’s infuriatingly childish. He glances side to side before placing it in his glass and taking a long sip.

“I’m going home.” Seri snaps, making to get up, but an arm shoots out and holds her in place.

“I’m sorry! I’ll be serious.” He promises, even as he takes another sip from the milkshake through the ridiculous straw. He does remove his sunglasses, though. “This is a matter that concerns not just you and me, but Jungkook and our… beloved… boss.” He begins to tear up at the final person on the list, and dabs awkwardly at the corner of his eyes. “We have to help her.”

“Help her what?” Seri questions, attention grabbed. Where her boss is involved, she is all ears. After all, you had given her a job when she’d been unemployed and desperate. And she’s determined to pay that back by being the best employee she could possibly be.

“Help her with her illness.” He confesses gravely. Seri’s eyes go wide as her mind scans through the long list of illnesses her beloved boss could possibly be suffering from. “She’s suffering from Hanahaki.”

The deathly silence that follows is testament to how much both workers care for their boss. The colour drains from Seri’s face while Jin looks down and another tear trails down his face.

“How… how can you be sure?” Seri breathes. Jin shakes his head gravely.

“Do you remember a couple of weeks ago when I lost that bet and had to take garbage out for a week?” Jin asks. Seri nods contemplatively as she remembers the event in question.

“You bet you could down 2 L of milk in one go but ended up spraying it out your nose all over Jungkook’s desk.” She recalls. He nods gravely.

“Well, I kind of tripped when I was getting close to the garbage and the whole garbage bag split open.” He explains. He pauses mid-explanation to take another unnecessarily long sip of his milkshake, one that has Seri twitching in dread and anticipation as she waits for him to finish his story. “And there were these red rose petals everywhere.”

Seri nods, but then frowns.

“But what does that have to do with (Y/N)? We sometimes get petals in or bouquets as samples for future decorations and two weeks ago she was doing that red themed wedding.” Seri points out. Jin nods solemnly.

“Well that’s why I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It wasn’t until yesterday, when (Y/N) brought up Hanahaki and was super shifty and blatantly lying about why it was on her mind that I got suspicious.” Jin admits. “So that night I went home and rang her brother, because he’s actually a doctor who specialises in treating Hanahaki. Just to ask some questions, but he was surprised and thought that maybe someone from our office was suffering from it, because (Y/N) had rung him too,asking about it right before me.”

“That is very suspicious.” Seri admits, and the evidence is starting to stack up. But there’s one vital piece of information she needs to believe Jin. “But who is she in love with, that doesn’t love her back? And how can we help her?”

Jin smiles widely and leans back in his chair.

“I was hoping you’d ask me that, dear, sweet, naïve Seri.” He tells her warmly, and all traces of his earlier tears have vanished from his face. “It’s none other than our resident space cadet, Jeon Jungkook.” He announces with all the dramatic flair of an actor presenting Best Picture at the Oscars. Seri grimaces.

“Jungkook?” She questions incredulously. Up until that point, Jin’s theory had sounded plausible but now it just sounds ridiculous. “You think she’s in love with Jungkook? The same guy I caught trying to sneak in a new printer without her noticing last week because he spilt banana milk on the old one?”

Jin nods, as if it is the most logical and reasonable conclusion to draw in the world.

“Well, not to be presumptuous, but yes. Can you think of anyone else? Also, haven’t you always been suspicious of the fact that they literally built a business from the ground up together and yet there’s nothing there?” Jin points out. Seri seems surprised.

“Why would starting a business together mean there has to be something romantic between them?” She responds. Jin looks mildly astonished before understanding sets in his expression.

“Ah, I forgot you’ve only been here a couple of months. Yes, Jungkook and (Y/N) started this business together. It was probably like… five years ago? They’d been running for about two years when that video of that wedding she organised went viral and then they hired me to handle the extra clientele that came in, so that sounds about right.” Jin says, launching into an explanation. “But their whole story is fresh out of a romcom- (Y/N) met him after her fiancée dumped her for dropping out of some sort of prestigious uni degree or something at some bar and he had some sad backstory as well that I can’t remember and encouraged her to follow her dreams. And then he ran into her again and helped her get her first client and then after two years of struggling to make ends meet that video went viral and here we are today, successful and happy. How can there be nothing after all of that?” He explains. Seri wrinkles her nose- despite her short amount of time working at this firm, she knows enough of the story to know Jin is butchering the story a lot.

What had actually happened, was that you taken a year off law school when your mother’s health had started to decline. Your brother had been forced to financially support the two of you by working ludicrous hours while you cared for her physical needs. Your fiancée, unable to cope with the emotional strain such an event had put on the relationship, coupled with the lack of time that came with caring for a sick relative, had left you. In the end, you had wound up working at a bar and unable to bring yourself to go back to law school after your mother passed away. The very same bar that Jungkook happened to frequent. After confiding in the sad, unemployed drunk boy you thought wasn’t listening over a period of time about your heartbreak and your desire to go into wedding planning instead of law school, it turned out he had been listening. Not only that, but he had a proposal for you- he, a business major, and you, a wedding planner, could start a business together. That way you wouldn’t have to go back to law school, and he would no longer be unemployed and nearly homeless. At least, that’s what she’d been able to glean from snippets of conversation she’s had with the both of you over the past couple of months.

Still, even though his story is still warped the original point still stands: Jungkook is clearly someone who matters to you, a lot. Yes, it was the video that went viral that made your business successful but you wouldn’t have even started this business without Jungkook. Jin makes a compelling argument- the coincidental timing of your chosen conversation topic the day before, and Jin happening to find the rose petals… it is all very shifty. Even Seri has to admit that.

But Jin isn’t done, and his next piece of evidence is perhaps the nail in the coffin.

“And she asked me this morning to start preparing a job ad for a new assistant. She said Jeon Jungkook is officially taking leave as of today- that’s why he didn’t show up and why we were flat out all day.” Jin points out urgently. “And I left my wallet in my car this morning and just so happened to be ducking down to get it, when I saw Jungkook’s car pulling out of the building. Which means he came in to work today! And when I watched the CCTV footage to check-“

“Woah, woah, woah, Jin!” Seri cuts him off in protest. “We aren’t criminal detectives! You can’t just watch CCTV footage of your boss because you want to-“

“That’s not important. What’s important is they had some sort of fight this morning and clearly, it’s because (Y/N) is in love with Jungkook, is dying of Hanahaki and we need to make Jungkook fall for her or we could lose our jobs. And the nicest boss anyone has ever had.” He exclaims, almost out of breath from his rant. Seri blinks. She wants to disagree. She really does. She wants to write Jin off as crazy and perhaps report him to you.

But… what if he’s right? What if you’re dying because your airheaded assistant doesn’t reciprocate your feelings? If he’s right, then they have to help you! She bites her lip contemplatively.

“Why can’t she just get treatment? We could sit her down and encourage her to see a doctor- isn’t her brother a leading specialist in the disease?” Seri points out. Jin shoots her a look like she’s just made the stupidest suggestion in the world.

“Don’t you know what treatment involves? It makes you forget the person who gave you Hanahaki forever. If she forgot Jungkook how can they run this business together?” He cries out. Seri is pretty sure she read something somewhere, back when she was researching the disease for herself that said that the ‘forget your love’ aspect of Hanahaki is just an urbanised myth and only the most severe cases of Hanahaki that have gone untreated for years require such dramatic action, and even those have been able to be successfully treated with just therapy in certain patients, but Jin sounds so convinced and sure of his words that it makes her doubt herself.

“What... what would you have us do?” She asks, rather than contradict what he just said. She cringes as she says the words because she knows she may regret this strongly depending on what Jin asks.

He merely grins.

“I’m glad you asked, dear Seri, because I already have a mastermind plan in place…”

“Yes, I understand that you want all black for your decorations,” You say, desperately clinging on to your patience. “But black roses aren’t really a thing. If you just agreed to the black baccara roses-“

“They’re still red.” Your client on the other end of the phone sniffs. “I want black.”

“Then having them painted is your best option.” You retort. “I told you I’d do my best to give you the wedding of your dreams but I’m not a miracle worker- you can’t grow black roses!”

“Please? It’s really important to us.” He begs. You dig your fingers into the bridge of your nose and sigh.

“I’ll see if I can speak to some plant breeders and see if we can get something closer to black.” You say with a sigh. “That’s the best I can do.”

You don’t hear whatever he says because you are distracted by the presence of Jungkook leaning awkwardly against the door to your apartment. When he spots you, his whole face lights up and he straightens. You wince as he waves enthusiastically. He’s not in his usual crumpled suit- instead he’s wearing an oversized hoodie and a pair of trackpants and he hasn’t even attempted to tame his wild mop of hair. Oddly, he looks amazing in the casual, comfortable look he’s going for.

“You’re here!” He greets. You watch him cautiously like he is a furious bull that may charge at any moment.

“It’s my apartment. Where else would I go?” You point out. “Shouldn’t you be at home resting?”

He nods sheepishly.

“Well… I did take the day off.” He admits. “But I thought you might have had a long day without me, what with no one to replace the vital work that I do, so I brought some supplies.”

You stiffen. You have had a long day, and that is to be expected when you force your business partner to take an unplanned leave. To be honest, you aren’t even sure what half of Jungkook’s duties are. You’ve just always done your thing, talking to clients, make plans, connecting with people, and then at the end you’d have money in your bank account. Jungkook has always handled your marketing and connecting clients and managing appointments while keeping the office running smoothly. Without him, you’d had to answer phones, contact the accountant and fill out complex paperwork between and in the middle of appointments with. Seokjin and Seri had done their best to share the load but even they’d felt the strain by the end of the day.

“I’m not changing my mind, if that’s why you’re here.” You sniff, stepping passed him to unlock the door. He presses in close and follows you into your apartment even though he is not welcome. He looks around curiously as soon as he steps passed the threshold of your home.

“This is a really lovely place.” He compliments sincerely- it should be surprising that this is the first time he’s ever step foot in your apartment considering the fact that you’ve been running a business with him for five years now. Even Seri, who has only been working with you for a couple of months, has visited your home before. But before this whole wedding debacle, Jungkook had always refused. He sidles past you and sets a plastic bag up on the countertop in your kitchen. He glances back at you before rummaging inside. “I realised I have no idea what you like to eat, so I read that interview you did with that bridal magazine a few months ago.” He says, and then he pulls out a block of chocolate, some grapes and a bottle of wine. You squint suspiciously at them.

“Jungkook…” You say slowly, about to ask him to leave your home and take the food with them. Yes, they were all guilty pleasures of yours, but you weren’t about to give him false hope that you would rescind your decision. “I’m not going to plan the wedding.” Is what you say instead.

He ignores you, turning to a cupboard and pulling out two wine glasses. He sets them on the counter and immediately begins pouring out the wine. Then he leans against the countertop beside you and sighs heavily, as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders.

“Why?” He finally asks. He takes a long sip of his own glass, sliding yours toward you. Hesitantly, you accept and settle into a stool next to the counter. “It’s not going to stop the wedding. It’s not going to cure me. And I’ll still be involved in the wedding whether you plan it or not. What do you think you’re achieving by refusing?”

You stare down at the ruby liquid in the glass- your distorted reflection glares back. He’s right. You’re not achieving anything. You’re just sticking your head in the sand and pretending Jungkook’s situation isn’t happening until it magically fixes itself. But that’s all you really can do, right? You can’t force him to get treatment and you can’t make his best friend love him back. These are all doubts that plague you, but if you are anything, it is stubborn. Your blood runs hot with anger at the way he’s trying to pressure you into something you’ve already decided not to do.

“Why are you so desperate for me to plan this wedding anyway?” You question, hopping off the stool and edging closer until he is pressed against the kitchen counter. At this proximity you can count each of his individual lashes and feel the way his breath has become shallower and hesitant. It’s out of anger that you press closer. You’re trying to intimidate him into backing off and leaving you to deal with the consequences of your decision in peace. His eyes flash at the challenge though.

“Why are you so determined to refuse?” He retorts. “Up until the engagement party, you were all for planning this wedding! What, suddenly things get a teensy bit more complicated and you’re out?”

“Finding out my business partner is dying from a curable illness is not a “teensy bit more complicated”, Jungkook!” You cry, the volume of your voice escalating. Any louder and your neighbours will probably call the cops on you. “Why aren’t you taking this seriously?”

“I am taking this seriously!” Jungkook shouts. It’s the first time in all the years that you’ve known him that you’ve ever seen him lose his temper. His whole face goes bright red and the tendons in his neck strain with the force of his shout. “That’s all I’ve been doing! Every, single, damn day, all I can think about is how hard this is! You think I want to be sick? You think I want to be here, begging my boss to plan the wedding for the girl that I love? Why do you have to fight me at every single step- why can’t you just do me this one favour? All I’m asking you to do is to plan a wedding for a friend and turn a blind eye when you see I’m having a hard time- is that so hard to do?”

“Yes.” You breathe, and your eyes have watered and filled with tears at his words. “I don’t want to have to watch your heart break.” You finally admit. Because that’s the real reason. You can’t stop the fast approaching train-wreck that Jungkook has managed to lock himself into. But you sure as hell don’t have to watch it happen. “I don’t want to watch you slowly die.”

Your admission is met with silence and when you shoot a glance at Jungkook, he’s staring at you like you’ve grown a third eye. Abruptly he breaks eye contact and his shoulders hunch.

“Let me come back to work.” He says in a small voice. “I know you think you’re helping me, but you’re just leaving me at home alone with nothing to dwell on but the fact that I’m ill and…” His voice cracks. “That she…” He whirls around so that he’s no longer facing you and is unable to finish his sentence. He changes the subject. “Wow, I didn’t know my boss was so heartless,” He tries to joke, his tone falsely light, but his voice is still slightly shaky. “5 years together and you give me the axe just because I’m a little sick.” He shakes his head and makes a “tsk” sound. “Success has really changed you, (Y/N).”

You recognise now, that his attempt to joke around is his way of hiding, so you aren’t offended. Instead, getting slowly to your feet, you pack everything into the bag he brought with him and walk around the kitchen counter so that you’re facing him. He winces and looks towards the ceiling, perhaps to conceal the way his eyes are wet with tears and red-rimmed. Gently, you take his hand and place the handles of the plastic bag in it, wrapping his fingers around them.

“Jungkook.” You say softly. “I’m not doing this because I thought this would easy or because I don’t like you or because I think your job is replaceable or because I’m trying to punish you. I’m not doing it to make your life difficult. You’re sick, Jungkook, and sick people need rest.”

He stares at you with bewildered, pleading eyes. It is an exact repeat of earlier that morning when you had told him to take time off.

“There are other wedding planners.” You tell him gently. “She’ll live even if I don’t plan it for her.”

He stares down at the bag in his hand.

“But what if I… if she really wants you to do it?” He asks, even as he lets you guide him gently out the door. You don’t notice his slip.

“Well sometimes we don’t always get what we want Jungkook. But as your boss it’s my job to make sure you get what you need. And what you need is some time off.” You say. He seems to register he’s fighting a losing battle as the door swings shut- his hand flies out before you can fully close it.

“What would it take?” He pleads. “Hypothetically. If you could have anything in the world, what would it take for you to do this?”

You grimace.

“For you not to be sick.”

For all your bravado over forcing Jungkook to take leave, it really does make your life infinitely harder. Jungkook is a scatter-brain prone to double booking appointments and breaking expensive electronics, but his job really is irreplaceable- he hasn’t just been an assistant, or receptionist. His job was never as simple as answering phones and calling in the technician when he broke the printer yet again. He also managed the entire business side of things- from organising how much clients would pay for your services, to drafting contracts with them, to the entire marketing side of things, it had always been him to deal with that sort of thing. And it had been stupid and arrogant of you to think you could handle your regular duties on top of his. In your head, you had planned to look for a temporary replacement to work for maybe a year while Jungkook sorted himself out, but you barely have time for your own job, let alone searching for a replacement and training them up on top of managing Jungkook’s duties in the mean time. You’ve really screwed yourself over with such a hasty decision.

Your employees are quick to vocally and aggressively remind you of what a mistake it is to have put Jungkook on leave.

“My keyboard still doesn’t work.” Jin sniffs at you in the kitchenette, repeatedly dunking a bag of chamomile tea aggressively into a mug of boiling water. “I thought you said you were looking into fixing that! I can’t type anything and I’ve had two brides organising a wedding and a mother organising a first birthday party call me in tears because I didn’t answer their emails.”

“Well, you didn’t have to spill orange juice on it now, did you?” You almost snarl- you find your temper becoming shorter and shorter the more stressed and tired you are. It’s getting to the point that you’re hardly getting any sleep at night because you’re essentially doing two full time jobs at once. Jin’s eyebrows fly up, seeming to sense that you’re on the verge of snapping at him, and holds two hands up in a gesture of surrender.

“I’m sorry- It was an accident. But it’s really very urgent.” He tells you, and he sounds apologetic enough that you take a deep breath to release the tension built up in your shoulders and neck.

“I know. I’m sorry for getting short with you- I am trying to sort it out. I just have a lot on my plate at the moment.” You admit, and you feel on the verge of tears. Jin’s expression softens at your wobbly tone and he comes to stand next to you, resting against the kitchenette counter.

“Maybe we should give Jungkook a call.” He suggests gently. You tense, about to scold him for such a suggestion, but he holds up a firm hand. “I don’t know what happened or why you put him on leave, but you’re really struggling. If he does need the leave, then at least keep him around until you find a proper replacement- doing two jobs at once like this isn’t sustainable.” He points out. You wince because if it weren’t for your own stubbornness, you probably would have done as much. But you can’t- your pride won’t let you. You’ve decided that Jungkook needs leave and so he’s getting leave. Even if it kills you in the process.

Jin isn’t the only one- later in the week Seri knocks on your door. She strides in without waiting for an answer and leans in close so the two clients across from you don’t hear what she says.

“I just got a call from the bank- apparently there was an issue with billing that florist we contracted. I took down their number for you to ring them when you’re done with your client.” She informs you, flicking a gaze at the two clients before you.

Her interruption, though bearing bad news, is welcome- she’s interrupted two clients on the verge of screeching at you in rage. There was a mix-up with the venue bookings that you forgot to sort out between the flurry of phone calls you’ve been heckled with all day and they are not pleased. You’re barely holding back frustrated tears while Seri watches on, uncertain how to handle the situation. You take a deep breath, summoning all the professionalism you can access and smile at her.

“I will have that sorted after I deal with these two clie-“ You begin, but they cut you off.

“Don’t bother!” The one on the right, a woman in her late thirties’, snarls. She’s clinging to her fiancé’s arm like a hole might open up beneath her and demons appear to drag her to the depths of hell if she lets go. “We came here because we’ve heard so many good things about your service, but clearly it was all just good marketing- we won’t be coming back.”

She gets abruptly to her feet and storms off, dragging her balding fiancé with her. You take a shaky breath and squeeze your eyes shut, willing the tears not to come.

“Perhaps… I should call Jungkook? He’s really good with this kind of thing.” Seri suggests, and it’s so not the suggestion you need right now.

“Don’t.” You say. “My afternoon appointment just cancelled as you just saw- I’m free to speak with the bank right now.”

Your week carries on like that. You’re at your wits end by the time Friday comes around. You’ve promised yourself that you won’t do anything related to work for the entire afternoon. You’re going to ignore all the deadlines. Your business won’t crumble just because you took a Friday afternoon off, after all. At least that’s what you tell yourself as you take on your final task of the day- carrying a heavy box of fragile but expensive glasses that a client ordered in for clients to drink out of during their reception. You stagger as evenly as you can into the elevator and that’s when it happens- your heel snaps. It’s not a particularly high heel- just high enough that your ankle twists beneath you as it gives. You cry out, bracing yourself to crash to the floor and for the delicate goods you are carrying to shatter.

Only, it never comes. As you crumple to the ground, the weight of the box abruptly vanishes from your arms. Instead it is just you that hits the floor of the elevator with a pained grunt. Confused, you look up to find someone has grabbed the box from your arms before it could hit the floor with you and shatter all the contents inside.

“Are you ok?” Jungkook cries, gently setting down the box and crouching down before you. You’re so shocked that you are speechless. His large glasses are slightly lopsided on his face and he’s wearing a t shirt with a pair of ripped jeans. He’s not wearing the business attire that is required of all your employees- instead he’s dressed casually, like he didn’t plan on coming into the office today.

“W-what are you doing here?” You finally find your voice as he helps you to your feet. You wince as you attempt to press your weight into the foot with the broken heel and crumple back down- no doubt you sprained it on your way down. Jungkook’s eyes are wide with concern.

“Jin called me in for something urgent-“ He explains but he’s too distracted by your injury to provide the full story. “Did you hurt yourself?” He questions. You glance down at your leg- you move your ankle and wince when you find it too painful to rotate.

“Probably just a sprain.” You explain and he nods.

“I’ll help you, then,” He says quickly. “There’s a first aid kit in my office- or there was, if you haven’t cleaned it out yet.”

“Thank you.” You say quietly. “I haven’t touched your things. But you really shouldn’t be here-“

Your words are interrupted by the sudden flashing of the light in the elevator and a screeching noise.

The elevator is stuck.

“That’s your mastermind plan to help (Y/N)? Trapping them in an elevator together?” Seri sniffs, as she realises what Jin has done, watching Jungkook and her boss through the small security camera. They remain crouched down, close to the ground and she can’t see their expressions. “What if they get hurt?”

“Clearly you’ve never watched any kind of romcom ever, Seri.” Jin tuts. “This is a basic strategy- and this is just us getting started! Phase one! We just need to force them into the same space and hopefully the confined space will lead to them opening up! Besides, don’t act so surprised- there’s much more work we have to do than this before Jungkook-”

“Why did you agree to this?” She interrupts, directing her question to the elevator technician who has unscrewed the control panel and is fidgeting with the wires. He pauses, resting a hand on his chin as he contemplates the answer.

“For love.” He answers fondly. “But also, Seokjin here paid me $50 if I made sure they were trapped in an elevator together for the next twenty minutes.”

Seri whirls on Jin, the expression on her face utterly despairing.

“What… what else do you have planned?” She asks incredulously, pale and concerned for the wellbeing of not only her boss, but Jungkook as well. Jin considers her question for a moment, before shrugging.

“It’s a surprise.” He answers with a grin.

“How’s your ankle?” Jungkook asks awkwardly. For the past five minutes after ringing for help with the emergency button and being assured that the elevator technician was already working on it, the two of you had been sitting in a deathly silence. With Jungkook’s help, you had manoeuvred so that you now lean against the wall of the elevator, your sprained ankle stretched out in front of you. Your broken, useless heels are discarded in the corner. Your eyes are shut so that you don’t have to acknowledge his presence and can feign sleeping.

“The same as it was 5 minutes ago.” You answer, without opening your eyes. “Swollen. Painful. Will probably be better in a few days.”

You hear a tapping sound and know that Jungkook is probably bouncing his knee up and down. He has a lot of restless energy and a lot of pens have been dismantled at his desk from his fidgeting and a lot of office chairs have met their end because he’s constantly rocking back and forth. It’s a good indicator for when he’s about to strike up conversation- the noise stops, and he inhales like he’s formulating a question.

“How’s the office been?” He asks. “Without me? Is everyone coping alright?”

Not really. But you’re not about to tell him that.

“They’re fine. The others are urging me to find a replacement and I’m sure we’ll find one soon.” You say. Your sentences are clipped, and your tone isn’t unfriendly, but it isn’t exactly warm either. You’re trying to discourage conversation because if Jungkook inquires more into how your week played out, you may burst into tears. The last thing you want is for him to know what a hard time you are having without him.

He starts to whistle tunelessly, and the sound is annoying, but you don’t want to talk to him. At least he’s stopped asking you questions.

For about thirty seconds.

“What was in the box?” He asks. You open one eye to peer at him. He’s sitting cross-legged in front of you with his back slouched. He picks absently at his worn shoelaces on his crappy, frayed sneakers.

“Glasses. For a wedding I’m planning.” You say. He perks up at the mention of your business.

“Is this the couple who met at the Venetian Glass Blowing Factory?” He asks cheerfully. “I thought you didn’t have time to plan their wedding. How did you squeeze them in?”

You tense- you rang them up and offered your services since a lot of clients have cancelled on you this week following your subpar performance.

“I’ve had a few slots in my schedule clear up.” You admit through gritted teeth. Jungkook looks confused but then his eyes go round when he realises what you mean.

“Oh… that bad, huh?” He asks. He winces. “Not that I’m implying you’re bad! I just didn’t think people would cancel so quickly when-”

“When what, Jungkook?” You snap, patience lost. “When I’m essentially working two jobs? When I’ve been yelled at 32 times this week? When I’ve been getting approximately 4 hours sleep every night trying to organise all these events in between doing your job?”

“Well I didn’t ask to be on leave!” He retorts defensively. His eyebrows furrow together and his lips purse in a slight pout. “You’re the one who insisted I was unfit to work.”

“I know.” You snarl, and to your mortification, frustrated tears fill your eyes and blur your view of him. “I know I made you take leave! I know that everyone wants you back and this office is going insane without you!”

Jungkook’s jaw drops at your outburst but doesn’t interrupt as you continue your rant.

“I know your job is important and that it was going to be hard without you, but I was doing it for you! I wasn’t trying to fire you or spite you or punish you for being sick! I was only trying to help.” You’re full on sobbing now, but you’re so exhausted and emotional and the repressed emotions you’ve been pushing back for the past week are all bursting forth. “Is that so bad? Is it so terrible that I just wanted to look after my business partner? Why am I getting punished for doing the right thing?” You’re in full hysterics as Jungkook starts to panic, realising that he has no idea how to comfort you or calm you down.

“D-don’t cry!” He protests but it’s too late- it’s like a dam has been broken. All the stress, all the misery, all the overtime work has combined, and you feel like there’s an angry tornado of lava where your heart should be. “I know you were trying to help, and I’m really grateful for that- please don’t cry!”

He edges closer to you and doesn’t know what to do with his hands, so he settles for resting them awkwardly on your shoulders. You stare up at him with teary eyes. You’re not a pretty crier by any definition- your eyes have gone puffy and your nose is running and were it any other situation he would have laughed at you. But he has at least enough sensitivity to know laughing at you now would be kicking you when you’re down. Instead he offers you an awkward smile, one that is little more than his cheeks raising and him baring his teeth in an almost-snarl.

You’re so confused at his peculiar expression that you actually stop sobbing. You squint at him for a moment, before a tear-y laugh breaks through your lips.

“What are you doing?” You ask, taking the lapse in your hysterics as an opportunity to wipe away the tears running down your cheeks. His expression softens.

“I’m smiling at you.” He explains. You snort incredulously.

“You look like you’re in pain.” You say. He chuckles awkwardly.

“Hey! I’m trying to make you feel better!” He protests jokingly, relieved that you’re at least no longer crying. You frown.

“By showing me what face you make when you’re constipated?” You suggest and he actually laughs.

“I mean, since that’s what stopped you crying, I’ll take it.” He volunteers. He takes his hands off your shoulders and slumps next to you, being mindful of your injured leg. “Hey.”

You turn to look at him.

“Hi.” You answer. His expression is warm and gentle as he volunteers his next words.

“I never thanked you.” He admits. “For caring so much. Enough to keep it a secret.” He confesses. “And for putting me on leave. I know… I know you were trying to help, and it feels good to know that you’ve got my back like that. So, thank you. So much.”

At his words, an odd, warm sensation blooms in your chest. This whole week all you’ve felt is stressed and guilty, questioning your decision and worrying about Jungkook’s health. But Jungkook’s gratitude is liberating- you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. He turns so that he’s staring straight into your eyes.

“And I know that you were only trying to help, and I’m really thankful for that but…” He trails away awkwardly and glances downwards. “But it wasn’t your call to make.” He admits. “I know you mean well, but it’s my decision on whether to get treatment, or whether to keep working, or whether or not to be involved with this wedding. You shouldn’t have taken that choice from me.”

The truth of his words hits you like a bag of bricks and leaves you momentarily speechless. Because he has a point- even acting with his best interests in mind, he’s your co-worker. Not your friend or your family or your lover. He’s your equal business partner, capable of making adult decisions for himself. And by forcing him to go on leave, you took that choice away from him.

“As for the wedding… I won’t force you to do it or keep pestering you about it. I should have stopped when you first said no and respected that. That was wrong of me.” He says. “To be honest, I kept visiting you because I thought I could convince you. I didn’t even care how you were doing or whether you were coping- I just made all these excuses to see you so that I could convince you. And I realise now that’s a really awful way to be. You’re not just my boss or a machine that churns out people’s dream weddings. You’re a person who cares a lot about everyone she meets and I’m sorry for not recognising that.” He tells you. His cheeks are tinted slightly pink at his heartfelt confession, and your own cheeks burn too for some reason.

“The truth is… the truth is that Minah doesn’t want you to plan her wedding this much. Yeah, she liked that video of that wedding you did, but if I’d told her you said no, she would have just found someone else. It was me that was being insistent because I wanted someone on my side. You saw how I almost exposed myself at her engagement party… I felt like bringing another wedding planner into the mix is just one more person I have to hide from.” He slumps against the elevator wall and you take notice of the dark circles under his eyes, of his pale skin and his gaunt face… He’s lost even more weight since you made him take leave- earlier he was skinny but still looked healthy. Now he looks ashy and uncomfortable. At this rate he will wither away into nothing but skin and bones. Your heart aches for him again. “But when you found me… when you helped me and you didn’t tell anyone… I felt like I wasn’t alone for the first time in nearly a year. For the first time since Minah started dating Taehyung, probably. And I liked that feeling- I liked the idea of someone like you having my back. Someone who was strong and so determined that she literally built a business from the ground up, and you always call me your partner but really it was all you. And this whole thing with Minah has been so… hard. I thought… ‘maybe I could do it if she had my back.’” He squeezes his eyes shut and you notice the way a tear trickles down his cheek. His glasses nearly hide it but you’re watching him so carefully that you pick up on it.

“I’ll do it.” You don’t even realise you’ve said the words until he’s staring at you with wide, shocked eyes.

“What?” He asks. “Say that again?”

You blink, startled by your own compliance, but then you steel your gaze and make your decision.

“My brother’s a doctor who specialises in Hanahaki.” You say. “He said that if the doctors have already recommended hypnotherapy then conservative treatment probably can’t do much but it may slow the progression.” You explain. Jungkook is still staring at your with confused, round eyes. “If you promise to meet with him at least once a week for some conservative treatment and then you book in for proper treatment once the wedding is over… I’ll do it. I’ll plan her wedding.”

Jungkook’s whole face lights up and he grabs one of your hands, clasping it between your hands. His hands dwarf your own and you feel like he may break your bones with how tightly he is holding you.

“Really? You’d do that?” He asks, and the breathless excitement and relief in his voice almost makes it worth the stress that will no doubt come with agreeing.

“For you.” You clarify. “And only if you get treatment. If Namjoon tells me you’ve missed even one session, then I’m cancelling on her.” You warn. You look away awkwardly. “And I guess… if it means that much to you… you can come back to work. But you have to promise me that if you’re not feeling well you let me know, ok?”

“Deal!” Jungkook cries joyously, throwing his arms around you neck and pulling you in for a bone-crushing hug. “Thank you so much (Y/N)! This really means so much to me. Thank you.”

And it is in that moment, with Jungkook squeezing you tightly to him like you’ll get up and sprint away if he lets go, that the elevator door starts up again like it was just waiting for the two of you to come to an agreement.

And if it’s suspicious that Jin and Seri are both anxiously waiting by the elevator doors on the fifth floor when they eventually slide open and release you, then neither you nor Jungkook notice it.

You’re both too distracted by the work you have ahead of you.

#Jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook x reader #btsboulangerie #writing

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