#it really hurt me to have to delete this

[hide-in-imagination]

Little excerpt I deleted from Cruel Summer chapter 3:

“Um… We should, maybe, talk, right?” Ámbar said.

Simón swallowed, clearly reluctant judging by his face but resigned. “Yeah, huh?”

They both nodded their heads weakly in agreement, but neither said a word.

Then their eyes found each other again.

In a second, their lips were fused together, the paper bag falling forgotten on the floor as they lurched for each other. They were wrapped in each other’s arms, kissing eagerly; they simply couldn’t not to— the gravity was too much.

“You know—” Ámbar said between kisses, “technically— we didn’t give a deadline— to our last truce—”

“Uh huh,” Simón mumbled against her lips as he continued his assault on her mouth.

“So— technically— it still stands until we say otherwise.”

“Totally,” he breathed and moved down to kiss her neck.

“Okay, good talk.”

“Great,” he said and went back to her lips. She had zero complaints about that.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Last night my father went on a drunken rampage and yelled at Jess and me for 20 minutes.

He told us it was our fault Rascal died, that we burned him to death, that we didn't really love him.

Then he came back and tried to apologize and hug me. I told him not to. To leave me alone. Then the crocodile tears went away and he got angry again! Surprise, surprise.

Anyway, does anyone have a single fucking clue of where I could get a job online? We have to get out of here before I kill myself.

[skunkes]

the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)

but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.

the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore

[camellia-thea]

this isn't a meta thing or a condemnation, i just wanted to write down some opinions. but i've thought about it a bit more. i really really don't like the hallucination/psychosis elements within iwtv.

i think it's in part because i experience hallucinations regularly and i've experienced psychosis, but i don't find value in it being shown in this instance and i think it could've been completely left out.

hell, it could've been just louis seeing lestat (and fuck, maybe even claudia) as manifestations of guilt, but the beginning of s2e8 wasn't it. i don't think i can properly convey what made me uncomfortable, but i had to pause for a little bit to let myself get through it.

i wasn't very keen on louis killing someone he thought was lestat, as a way of showing instability and as a way to make him obviously unreliable. i think it did give the impression they wanted; the unreliability, and i've talked about that in regards to unreliable narrators, but it didn't sit right at the time, and having now seen the finale, i don't think it was necessary.

the erratic behaviour and the hallucinations of his victims within those moments just felt. bad. especially since it was an element of driving louis to get revenge. it's just another case of psychosis being used to "motivate" harm. especially since he's a vampire! you don't need to justify him wanting to kill people! claudia's death pushed him to the edge without any elements of psychosis, he could've just killed them! and yes, he was tortured and had come back from the brink of death in those moments, but even still. it felt like it went too far.

i don't really have a point here, i don't think. i guess it's just, you can do horror and violence and instability without leaning into those tropes. i think it was unnecessary.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao

[kk-cats]

i think i should stop posting before i worry people or annoy people

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

'...you know jokes like those actually hurt me, right?'

"who said I was joking?"

.

.

.

'oh.'

[angel-archivist]

guys im sooo fucking sick of these annoying longlegs fans crawling all of my post. People online lack reading comprehension so bad and have to jump through hoops to try and make me think the incredibly influential and famous actor nic cage saying something transphobic about the character HE portrayed in the film isnt as important as the writers intention. The writers can intend whatever they want it doesnt change the impact and Ive seen and heard the impact and Ive seen these fans harass trans women who spoke about longlegs being trans misogynistic while others turn around and try to claim IM transphobic (very funny this is how i know they’ve never seen my account before) for having historical context and knowledge of the horror genres intensely engrained transphobia.

It sucks because the post was mainly about longlegs being a drop in the bucket of horror and i spend only one page really focused on the movie itself and the rest focused on the rise of transphobia in the US and horrors historic ties with other examples like Buffalo Bill.

[emfrots]

ima be real with you. they say "consent is sexy" and all, and like, yeah, funny, coming from a rapeplay account. but it's so fucking hot when you stop/pause a scene partway through to talk about boundaries or emotional shit with ur partner and end up knowing each other a little bit better and being a little more comfortable in the friendship as a result. mmf. i eat that shit up

[wifegideonnav]

tbh when mitski said “you’re my best friend/now i’ve no one to tell/how i lost my best friend”

[wikiangela]

.

[moeblob]

sobbing at every heart event ...

[yutamayo]

byeeee

[meringuejellyfish]

incredibly lame train of thought because of course i would still be troubled for many a reason (just like many others) even if i was more "on my own" so do not think too hard on what this means but i do get a sense of stupid "jealousy" when observing others situations and the selfish pondering occurs which is along the lines of "if i was an only child what would i be doing?" "what if there were times where i only thought of myself?" "what would it mean to live more for myself?" truthfully probably badly in so many ways. but i cannot help but think, briefly, about all sorts of random aspects that would be cause for an entirely different life. though none of it is to say im a miserable person at my core, my life is full of genuine joy and passions. funnily "i wish i was somebody else" was always a thought i would have when i was very little, and the idea that there could be all sorts of different versions of me, had this or that been a thing, was very horrifying. i was glad that i was me, who was nice, and liked art and wizards and minecraft and dolls and music as much as i did. well, i think id like to have a day sometime soon where i do nothing but listen to music or put a movie on loop and draw and draw and a bit of playing in the mud as well

[kimetsu-chan]

I went on a walk with my dad

[heyitsmemel]

...... mehhhh personal complaining in the tags (tw illness)