#it might be and i'm in denial

[lanatusnebula]

Well clearly I am confused.

[57sfinest]

no honestly did jean genuinely not realize that the car in the ocean was a suicide attempt?? did he really think harry was THAT drunk or was he willingly misinterpreting it so he could shift any sympathy away from harry? because i can absolutely see jean seeing it as a suicide attempt but deliberately choosing to frame it as an irresponsible accident resulting from harry's alcoholism, because that way no one will be like "oh shit harry tried to kill himself?" and they'd instead join jean in condemning harry for his addiction

[lesbianappreciation]

ill be honest im mainly invested in this show because aubrey plaza is really hot in it but i still think (and i say this as a fan.) 80% of agathario fans are mischaracterizing them and making them way more lovey dovey and healthy and straightforward than than they have ever been

[thenamelessdudessecondblog]

NOOOO I'M NOT READY YETTT aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[heatherchasesyou]

guys I might be discovering something lately--

[ask-geralt]

Basically do you think Edwin knew Monty was asking him on a distinctly romantic outing, or that Monty's crush flew over his head entirely right up until their first kiss. Was he surprised because he didn't realize he was being unclear about trying to let Monty down slowly, since he had feelings for someone else, or was he surprised that Monty had romantic feelings for him?

[canisalbus]

I realize this might be a slightly odd ask, but… Out of curiosity, what sort of foods do you think Machete would be fond of? And do you think they’d differ noticeably from when he was young vs once he’d grown older?

He's a fussy eater. He rarely eats for pleasure and dislikes being seen dining in company, but attends formal dinners and banquets if invited, since declining without a very good reason would be at best rude and at worst a devastating faux pas. He prefers fowl dishes over red meat and greatly dislikes sea food (which is just peachy since this is the Mediterranean). Pasta seems to be already a well established part of the cuisine at that point, maybe he's into that. For the most of his life he's eaten rather simple foods so he finds bland soups and broths very safe and comforting. Pomegranates are his fruit of choice, he doesn't have much of a sweet tooth but enjoys candied apricots and figs on occasion.

He's exceptionally bad at holding his liquor, and he can't stand the feelings of unpredictability, disorientation, unsafeness and potential loss of control that being intoxicated causes in him. Unfortunately, drinking plain water was very risky and uncommon, it was contaminated and unsanitary more often than not, especially in population centers. Generally the main drinks you'd consume through the day were diluted wine and beer/ale (this was the case for children as well). Machete tends to prefer wine, which he waters down heavily, and sometimes has it flavored with spices, herbs, honey or sugar. Having even a little bit of alcohol in the mix would kill at least a portion of the bacteria (not that the concept was known at the time, people believed many illnesses were caused by tainted air and foul smells, I mean fair enough, if your water is filthy it probably smells bad too).

(Fun fact, apparently Ancient Romans had more or less perfected the art of winemaking but by the Middle Ages a lot of the techniques had been lost. During the Renaissance wine was generally very low quality and the way it was fermented and stored (making the switch from sealed ceramic amphora of the Antiquity to those iconic wooden barrels) meant it would only stay good for a year at best and the taste would start to deteriorate within the first couple of months. Vintage wines weren't a thing, the best stuff was fresh. Apparently European wine was pretty bad for hundreds of years and would only start to improve again around 1800s. Or at least that's what I've gathered, I could be wrong, I'm not a wine expert).

Europe hadn't quite adopted tea yet and he narrowly missed the time coffee began to spread to his corner of the world (I bet he would've loved both of those, with the help of caffeine he could've been twice as much of a jittery sleepless wreck). I've read that people would distill sage and drink the resulting concoction with hot water to create this very tea-like minty drink, that sounds like something he'd like.

[deiaiko]

#19.3 Unravel

It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.

Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.

They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.

Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"

Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"

"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"

"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."

"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"

"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."

"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.

Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.

"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"

Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arm ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday. 

Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.

Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"

"There's always a chance–"

"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."

Grace fell silent and went still.

Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"

"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"

"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.

Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."

"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.

Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"

"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.

Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."

Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."

Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.

Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.

Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.

Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."

Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.

When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.

Masterlist

Previous

Next

Let me know your thoughts in the reblogs <3

☕ Buy me coffee ☕

[grassbreads]

The more I linger on it, the more I think this might be the most subtly unhinged thing in all of SGRS. What do you MEAN you dated for eight years and never told each other your real names???

Miyokichi talks after the breakup about how she was putting on a "professional front" with Kikuhiko. As a survival technique, Miyokichi tends to make herself into whatever she thinks the man she's with wants from her, and in this case, that means she presented herself as her idea of Kiku's idea of a "good woman" for a full eight years while they were together. She probably would have tried to go on like that forever if he didn't break things off.

Yet at the same time, I think she's rightfully upset on some level that Kiku never looked at her more deeply. We see very little of their relationship, only the beginning and the very end, but given what we do see, it seems like Kiku never quite stops holding Miyokichi at arm's length. He goes along with things and initiates some level of closeness (like leaning into her when he's upset during the rain), but he doesn't push her to get more intimate.

Kiku looks scared when Miyokichi talks about dying during their breakup, he defends her personhood to his master, and he wants to bring her back to Tokyo with along Konatsu and Sukeroku when he finds them, so it's not like he doesn't care about her at all. But while he treats her his own version of decently, he never tries to get to know her on a deeper level. He doesn't take initiative to look for who she is behind her front for him.

(Personally, I'd blame his disinterest in knowing her largely on his own fear of being known, but we don't have time to get into that right now).

The problem with Miyokichi's frustration with being taken at face value, though, is that she doesn't know Kikuhiko's real name either. She most likely never asks, just like Kiku never asks hers. I think she falls in love with the idea of dating Kiku as much if not more than she falls in love with him. He's safe and well-mannered and very handsome, and I think his distant coldness is a comfort to her on some level because neglect, though an unhappy business, is what she has experience with.

Miyokichi likes the idea of ~being the woman~ and supporting Kiku emotionally. I'm sure she encouraged some playact of emotional intimacy between them. I'm sure they found comfort in each other in a very real way sometimes. But, if she got to know Kiku too well, she would have seen things about him she didn't like. Could she have truly known him without knowing he didn't love her the way she wanted? She never quite looks deeper to see whether he's really the type of man that she needs him to be.

I think Kiku is a bit more at fault for the dysfunction in their relationship overall. Whether or not he was ever properly attracted to or in love with her, he's quite clearly an inattentive boyfriend to an egregious degree. Who the hell goes traveling for an extended period without saying a word to their partner?? But he's not the only one that lets their partner pretend to be something they're not.

Kiku and Miyokichi are both very talented actors. Boyfriend and Girlfriend are roles that they're both playing. They're the happy heterosexual couple! Miyokichi seems to latch onto Kiku in large part for the sake of her safety (and because she doesn't know how to exist without a boyfriend in her life). And however much pleasure he may or may not get from Miyokichi's advances, I think Kiku stays in the relationship with her at least in part out of a sense of social obligation. She's beautiful and hitting on him. Young men are supposed to have girlfriends. He's encouraged to date to get experience for his rakugo. Is saying "no" even an option?

But because they're both playing roles, because they're both invested in Doing A Relationship as much as they're invested in each other as individuals, both of them skim along the other's surface. Neither of them ever volunteers to tell the other their real name, and apparently neither of them ever tries to ask. They spend eight years together, but those years are spent dating the personas of Kikuhiko and Miyokichi, not daring to look at the people underneath those masks.

[omo-queer]

i barely made it to the bathroom in time i was so close to losing it but i didn't want to make a mess

i swear though denial has broken my brain. like that should not have felt like as much of a release as it did. i wasn't even touching myself while i let it out but i think my brain has learned that the best it's going to get is letting go when my bladder is full.

the ruins have really been fucking with my brain's sense of "finishing" as well... they make everything worse, but my body still craves them like a moth drawn to the flame. every time i ruin it leaves me a mess, and then an hour later my brain has forgotten how brutal it felt and thinks "maybe it's time for another ruin." i think probably i'll cool it on the ruins in december, maybe have a fixed number so i can't just ruin on a regular basis like i have over the course of november (which has, if anything, made me more desperate and needy, so i don't really view it as something that interrupts denial. a ruin has less in common with an orgasm to my brain than it does with an edge.)

[kiwiwinjindouche]

Him 👉​👈​

[lemonisntreal]

Oh bOy-

-more alcohol marker sketches that I actually lined and finished, I love a good futile attempt at trying to have an aesthetic sketchbook :D

I want to draw him in so many outfits, I have a list going right now ooga booga.

Note: I need to draw him with more funky mugs

Also here're some alt ideas + pictures I took of the process for once, which is kinda neat I guess

[theloveinc]

i don't really want to bc like. there's many reasons for me to stay but. i don't think this tumblr life is for me anymore

[vykio]

Kevaaron break up you say?? 👀

WIP Game! ohohohoh in this version, katelyn and aaron broke up a couple months ago but they're still friends. they're done their exams and drink to that and Katelyn drops a any developments on your crush on Kevin? and that is where Aaron learns for the first time that Katelyn thinks he has a crush on Kevin LOOOOL............

This isn’t Aaron’s room. It hasn’t been for almost two years now but his body brought him here anyway. It dawns slowly on Aaron that he’s in the wrong place, but he’s aware enough to notice Kevin’s brows scrunch together on his face. Watching Kevin’s lips turn down as he frowns unsettles him; looking down is worse because Kevin isn’t wearing a shirt—there’s so much of his skin on display with his legs bare, too, and Aaron hears Katelyn say, I’m sorry but we both know you—

Aaron curls a hand into a fist and weakly drives it into Kevin’s stomach. It works in stopping the thought but it brings out something worse—Kevin’s whole body reacts, surprised, his muscles tensing and rippling against Aaron’s hand. Aaron recoils at the sensation and takes a step back, protectively tucking his arm against his chest. “G’night,” he says loudly, hoping none of his sudden panic has seeped into his voice.

Kevin slips two fingers in the collar of Aaron’s hoodie when he turns away, still within reach, and hauls him back. Aaron falls back without fighting and wheels around once he’s steady to swat Kevin’s hand away. He turns a snarl at him. “What?”

The flash of concern on Kevin’s face is no longer, but he does have an eyebrow raised at him. “You look like shit,” he says flatly. Aaron hadn’t paid attention to what he looked like when he fled from Katelyn’s. He hadn’t cried, but he can still feel his face and neck hot in some places, still probably red from being flustered and blindsided. Before Aaron can take offence, Kevin jerks his thumb over his shoulder and adds, “I’m drinking.”

[jichanxo]

how it started:

how it's going:

[alexpdcl]

au where william gets spared and lives </3