#it messes me up so bad

[2birds1song]

* ❁  ─── continued from here | @rimeoverreason 🕊

❝ guess after all that anticipation you really can conk out anywhere. feel like i've been ran over by a log. ❞ almost sounded like the peaceful thing she was searching for was being plowed over by a log. ❝ and guess it helps i've fallen right asleep in some uncomfortable places 'lot of times already. ❞ lips twitched in an amused smile, he had no idea of all the uncomfortable makeshift beds she's had to build in her young life time. so this is almost like second nature, even though he still has a good point.

just as lucy gray was about to say she might find a minute of sleep but she's givin' up on finding any peace in these surroundings, the blond she's eyeing –– even down to absorbing his mannerisms with his knuckles bumping against each other –– decided to actually give her some good ideas. ❝ that's not a bad idea. ❞ the brunette compliments out loud, proud smile curling lips that reached the warm chocolate of her eyes.

❝ some peaceful memories . . . ❞ an image inside her head began painting itself to life almost right away, ❝ would remind me a lot of bein' out in those fields back home overlooking those tall beautiful mountains. especially in the spring time sittin' in a bed of fresh growin' grass, when everything's just startin' to speckle that vibrant lime green color. flowers popping up everywhere. there's a new life breathin' into the world. the birds are chirpin' happier and butterflies are dancin' around and i'm strumming along to my favorite song with my guitar. ❞

[malenjoyer]

WE'RE SO BACK

[mabbbish]

s9 noodles and leftovers

[spacehomos]

Kaos

The Gods

[aethersea]

I do think Blazing Saddles handled its one depiction of native americans very poorly, and the full extent of its representation of chinese workers on the railroad is they were literally just there. not even one single speaking line. unclear if this is worse or better than the redface.

it's fucking phenomenal at lampooning antiblack racism though. extremely blatant, extremely funny satire, which is constantly and loudly saying "racism is the philosophy of the terminally stupid at best and morally depraved at worst, and we should all be pointing and laughing at them 24/7"

plus the main character is a heroic black man who has to navigate a whole lot of bullshit but is constantly smirking at the extraordinarily stupid racists and inviting the audience into the joke. the one heroic white character is a guy who was suicidally depressed until he met the protagonist and they just instantly became buds, and he's firmly in a supporting role the whole time and happy to be there. the protagonist saves the day with the help of his black friends from the railroad, and uses the position of power he was given to uplift not only those friends, but all the railroad workers of other minorities too, in an explicit show of solidarity.

anyone saying "Blazing Saddles is racist" had better be talking about its treatment of non-black minorities. it had better not be such superficial takes as "oh but they say the n-word all the time" or "they have nazis and the kkk in there!" because goddamn if that's the full extent of your critique I very seriously suggest you read up on media analysis. there is too much going over your head, you need to learn to recognize satire.

[hinamie]

domain expansion

[opikiquu]

my life a movie (PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR)

[madbard]

So much of Odile’s story revolves around her sense of abandonment and alienation, how she felt unwanted, like she didn’t belong anywhere, how she was careful to never get too close to anyone. And then, once she found her family, she had so much trouble admitting it. She was scared of what she would do to hold onto them and keep them safe.

Then she watched as Siffrin almost destroyed the world because they didn’t want to let her and their family go, proving that 1.) he wouldn’t abandon her and 2.) she isn’t the only one who’d do horrible things for their family.

“Cute” is an interesting word for what he did. Siffrin’s actions in the time loops responded to Odile’s fear of abandonment by showing her in the barest of terms that while they may run from their problems, they would never willingly leave her behind. Their history and complicated sense of unbelonging mirrors hers even if their experiences don’t quite match - letting her know she isn’t alone. And his destructive love, along with their family’s proven willingness to forgive him, makes it clear that their family loves its members, even if they have some darkness in them.

Siffrin does have issues, and their actions were extreme. But in his own way, he has shown Odile that she is loved, and endeared themself to her in turn.

When something is cute, you want to hold onto it. You want to help protect it. Maybe you don’t often use the L-word, so you use this as a substitute. The things you want to hold onto and help and protect, the things you might apply that word to, are cute.

And to Odile, Siffrin’s dramatic affirmation of their love for her and the rest of their family is cute.

Very, very cute.

[drizzledrawings]

They are his dads ok

[magicandmundane]

Imagine having so much beef with a teenage girl that it’s literally the thing that kills you

Couldn’t be me lol

[wistfulwatcher]

emily prentiss + her waning tolerance of getting close to killers

[wysteribun]

finished tma yesterday.....

[naamahdarling]

Accidentally ate a sugar free pudding cup. Took IBS meds immediately but fear it may not be enough to prevent whatever is about to happen.

Anything with alcohol sugars, artificial sweeteners, and added "prebiotic" fiber should be in plain bright orange packaging with huge warnings. That shit is fucking diabolical.

[porrigens]

do you look like the devil, Brian?

[bloominglegumes]

our large bipedal son who we found on the street

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

thinking about Lucanis again (always). and how so much of his narrative boils down to the theme of "control". and of course also about how this applies to the Rook x Lucanis relationship.

like the first scenes with him in the game are, in theory, about freeing him from the Ossuary (although he seems to have an escape attempt already in progress at the time, they certainly weren't just letting him keep those knives on him for enrichment purposes, Rook just provided an opening/distraction he could take advantage of and crucially Rook has A Way Out of the whole place not just a cell). but ACTUALLY the purpose it to put him right into a new contract for Us, one set up by his own grandmother and first talon no less, and the person he has the MOST trouble saying no to. He's escaped torture and the Venatori for sure but he still isn't free, which I think is part of what leads to Spite's confusion/the Inner Demons plotline. He agrees to the contract but you can tell it's in many parts out of a sense of duty/mourning vs something he actively wants to do for himself. And then the FIRST real heartfelt conversation you have with him, where he tells you "even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me." But he's chaffaing at that! He thinks "to live truly is to live fully" and so directly tells you he doesn't think he's lived a life true to himself. He's been constantly smothered by the weight of expectations around him, even though he longs for more.

And then once you get him to the Lighthouse you see how this Big lack of control in his life comes out as all these smaller frustrations. He's terrified of sleeping and downing 11 cups of coffee per hour because sleeping means he will lose control to Spite, even though Spite is shown to flee rather than fight when he feels threatened, and once calmed down, is more drawn to just benign curiosity/mischief than anything actively malicious. Like if Lucanis loses control and sleeps for a few hours he is not going to wake up surrounded by bloodshed, he's going to wake up to a belly full of candle wax because he wouldn't like Spite taste one while they were awake. Which is the other half of this--he constantly denying Spite's impulses for reasons that in some ways make sense (HE doesn't want to eat candles), but not in a way that's actually satisfying to either of them (why not just take a bite, chew for a bit, and spit it out so Spite knows they kind of suck actually?). But he CAN say no to Spite and so he does. Over and over. Spite's one of the few people he can deny things without feeling bad about it, because it's HIS body he doesn't like that has to share now (<- this is what he thinks about it at first anyway, but he's wrong, it's both of theirs and it's useless to try to hold those kind of boundaries forever. but the "no its mine" spiteful instinct is very beautifully ironic and reflective of them both and their early relationship).

And personally I think this is where his fear of his own desires and intimacy is coming from, at the root. I don't think he's afraid of the concept of being in a romance or having feelings (even if they're unusual and rare for him, this is by no means incompatible with him being demi) but I DO think he is afraid of the kind of power it gives people over you. Getting something you want means there's something else that can be taken away. Admitting your desire means the other person has the opportunity to deny that. The more you have, the more you have to lose, and he has lost again and again and again in his life--his parents, his childhood to the crows, his independence, even his future--he doesn't aspire to be first Talon but he knows the rumors. He knows his grandmother wanted it for him, not Illario. His life path has been laid out for him by others and up to this point he has simply been going along with it anyway, even though it bothers him. He COULD argue and fight Caterina and push for Illario who actually wants the job to be First Talon instead, but from The Wigmaker Job we know he doesn't. He just ignores it and pretends maybe it won't happen, without him having to do any of the work. Which is why in the end Illario is the one who has to make a move about it (and even warns Lucanis of this!!!!). Lucanis KNOWS all this makes him a target but is neither taking charge or getting off of the train tracks, just closes his eyes.

And I think THIS context is what makes the almost kiss scene in the pantry make more sense to me. Rather than being afraid of having feelings (and then NEVER addressing this in game with a Rook who pursues him anyway) or not knowing how to finish what he's started via crow seduction training, it's more like this is a pivotal moment where he can actively choose to step off the planned path of be given a job -> kill the gods -> enact revenge -> go home. even if he doesn't at that point realize that a relationship with Rook could be something that lasts long-term, the very act of doing something just for himself is what's foreign and scary and hard. It's that first step off the tracks, and even if he were to keep walking in the same direction, it means he's making a choice about it. he's accepting that one way or another it IS in his power to go along with everyone else's plans or not. Hence the hesitation, and drawing back, and needing to clear his head.

And then the rest of Rook's role in his narrative IS about giving him more and more control for himself. Inner Demons, dealing with Illario, his questlines move less towards revenge and more towards just... not being locked into one fate. Which of course Caterina comes back and immediately tries to overturn by declaring him First Talon after all, even though she and him and everyone else knows she's not ACTUALLY ready to give up her rule/decision making power yet. Which in a way is maddening because cmon I did all this work here so this sad man could have some agency in his own life just to watch him get sucked right back in (which, at least we get many directions to headcanon from here), but there's no denying that THIS version of Lucanis at least is actually going in with his eyes open now. THIS Lucanis has had a taste of life outside the Crows, and seen the politics and power dynamics in other places/organizations, and finally has emotional ties to the big picture state of the world now, both in relationship and friendship paths with Rook. He's not just hyper focused on each contract as it's given to him now, he's looking at the whole thing.

Anyway of course the beautiful culmination of all this within the romance is the lighthouse scene with Rook, where he finally is willing to let himself be vulnerable (emotionally and physically), and fall asleep without fear of what Spite's going to do in the meanwhile. He also (depending on dialogue choice) finally talks about his feelings directly with you for the first time instead of in roundabout ways (the dessert being "not enough" is it really the dessert you mean, Lucanis. is it.). Even though he is STILL reluctant to verbally admit his feelings or let Rook share their own at this point, I think that's more a narrative choice about saving those last emotional dialogue options for the big final battle. but it is another point where he does have to stop just following along and ACTIVELY choose that yes, yes sometimes loving is worth the risk of losing it. Even if someone takes it away from you later, even if you don't survive it, sometimes the love alone makes it worth it.

I have like another 5000 words I could add into about how Spite ties into all this, about how having the demon in him is something he both fears AND how it forces him to acknowledge that actually yes he DOES share the same base feelings/instincts Spite does in terms of not wanting to be told what to do. And how this in a way is part of what gives him permission to act on it since he can no longer just shove it down out of sight. but this post is long enough already so i'm just going to take the rest of this and gnaw on it all day like a chew toy I guess.

anyway. AHG. it is kind of frustrating that the culmination of his arc seems to be "and then he got the job he never wanted anyway" but I do think at least all this prepares him for it in a way Caterina actively failed to actually do on her own. He NEEDED that step away from his straightforward path. Whether he stays first talon or not, and with or without rook as a romantic partner, he's finally been able to explore ideas outside the expectations of others.